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English
Series:
Part 6 of Empires Stuff
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Published:
2022-08-25
Completed:
2022-09-15
Words:
5,980
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3/3
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67
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Cross-Empires Pub Crawl

Summary:

What do you do when your admin and the local god leave five, unsupervised, mildly upset adult men alone? A tavern/pub crawl.

The law approved it so it was fine.

Notes:

Just a random idea I woke up with. Fun fact, my head hurt while I was writing this...

Another fun fact:
Jimmy | Solidarity/MythicalSausage/Scott | Smajor1995 | Dangthatsalongname/Jonny | Pixlriffs (Video Blogging RPF)
was too long of a tag...

Excessive drinking is bad in real life. Don't do it. You've been warned.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

It started at the Saloon in Tumble Town. All the guys but fWhip and Joel were there, sipping whatever Jimmy was selling. No one asked just accepted drinks, dreading what Joel convinced their admin to do - invite all the other participants from Double Life. And yes, only Jimmy and Scott from the five gathered there participated but Sausage, Joey and Pix had good reasons to not be happy. Keeping things clean around a whole empire was not an easy thing, and it would mean they would have to spend the whole day at home, not building or doing anything fun until the tour passed them.

So they all his away at the saloon while fWhip and Joel were away and not able to stop them from getting drunk.

"Last time I saw Pearl I blew myself with a whole monologue, I'm not yet ready to talk about it..." Scott whined kicking at the bar. "I'm sure Jimmy's loving that Tango will visit," he grinned at the sheriff who whined and hid under his hat.

"Noooo, I really could do with him forgetting I ever existed," he grumbled baring his vex teeth. "Joel's going to be an embarrassment..."

"All the booze you have here is not enough," Joey groaned. He, Sausage and Pix only heard about it but it was enough to make them hate it. And they saw the shirt.

"That's why I filled his toy shack with vex," Jimmy grinned raising his glass.

"Good one," Pix chuckled. "But what if they come out during the tour?"

"Then he'll really regret missing with flesh-eating fairies," Sausage chuckled. Even if he shared custody of a child and exchanged dirty jokes with the god, he was still annoyed.

Jimmy nodded and grinned. "Lads. How about an old-school pub crawl?" he proposed and everyone looked at him with brief shock. "Law-approved pub crawl," he added before anyone could say anything about his role in their world.

"Can we have a pub crawl with like two locations?" Joey asked finishing off his current drink. "Dawn has like no alcohol. None, nada. Nothing."

"And fWhip's Drip has cave river water listed as a drink, not going back there," Sausage shook his head. 

"I should probably go..." Pix started but Sausage stopped him by literally picking him up. 

"Come on Pix, hang out with us, you don't have to drink anything," the protector asked squeezing him in a strong hug.

"Yeah. You need to relax man," Joey nodded, followed by Scott and Jimmy assuring Pix he didn't have to have any more alcohol if he didn't want to.

"I suppose someone should be sober here..." Pix sighed.

"Eh, we'll see if I get even buzzed tonight," Jimmy giggled in a very vex way. "Maybe if we clear everything here, at Chromia and in Sanctuary..."

And the night started. Jimmy pulled out a barrel of something stronger than what was usually served. Pix quickly gave up on no more drinking and joined in, taking a shot of whatever Jimmy pulled out - it was not a good idea. Sausage had to smack his back for a good moment as he choked on the mysterious, dark brown liquid. At least he got good applause for his trouble.

Once the barrel was empty they flew to Chromia. And decided to not fly much more too soon. 

Owen served them colourful little drinks that were a lot stronger than expected. Jimmy showed no signs of being even slightly drunk as he sipped the local gin selection to Scott's joy. He was slowly getting drunk but not as bad as Pix. He needed Sausage, who himself was getting more and more unsteady and giggly, to almost carry him to the boats they were taking to the Sanctuary tavern.

Joey, even if he was swaying more than the sea itself, surprisingly managed to steer them correctly, even with Scott almost capsizing them as he tried to get under Jimmy's shirt.

"You should have just asked," Jimmy giggled opening all his buttons. "Say, Sausage, how is being married to Joel?"

"What? We're not married. We simply share a child? It's weird," Sausage shrugged. Pix was almost completely in his lap, dozing off and mumbling to himself about emeralds. Normal.

"Get him on a boat and I can marry you two," Joey offered. 

"Can you marry me and Jimmy?" Scott asked, looking up at Jimmy with a dopey smile.

He was clearly very drunk but all of them, save maybe for Jimmy, were all very drunk. And thought the idea was great. Even extended it to where not only Jimmy and Scott would be getting married. Joey married all other four to each other... 

"With powers vested in me by the law of the sea," Joey was completely winging it. "I announce all four of you husbands. You may kiss, just don;t flip the boat," he ended and took a swig from his rum bottle. Where he got it from was a mystery no one felt like investigating. Too busy exchanging kisses as the pirate giggled. "And I announce myself married to Rum, the best alcohol out there," he chuckled and took another swig.

Just in time to dock at Sanctuary and stumble their way to the tavern.


The next day, fWhip, Joel and the guests they brought along found the five of them in the Sanctuary tavern. Scott and Pix were both passed out. Pix cuddled to, well, almost lying on top of Sausage, whose shirt was mysteriously gone. And Scott on top of Jimmy, wearing nothing but the sheriff's shirt. The blonde's hat was gone, resting on top of the allay flying about the place. Scott's hat was covering the sheriff's face as its owner snored into his chest. Joey was humming sea shanties, half-sitting half-lying on the gar, leaning on a support. His hat rested on his knee and no shirt, it was somehow over the rafters. Only Scott had a shirt on actually, fWhip noticed as he walked closer to the mess.

"Hello," Joey waved at them and shook his bottle. "My wife's empty..." he sighed. "And sorry Joel, Sausage is married now, you were late," he said and fell off the bar while laughing.