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Chapter Text

Childe’s days went by, and soon enough the memories of piercing gold eyes and dark hair were gone. They were no longer sweet memories he hoped to take back with him to Snezhnaya, and instead they were bittersweet, leaving an empty feeling behind. 

Zhongli had walked into his dull existence with a simple handshake and a friendly smile, “Welcome to Liyue. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, my name is Zhongli and I'm the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor Consultant. And, it appears that I will be your personal guide from here on out.” 

As he gazed into his eyes, those warm molten eyes he knew that he didn’t stand a chance. 

He tried to contain the occasional flutter of his heart; like a sick staccato meant to mock him. He tried to ignore the warmth he felt when Zhongli would gaze at him with that fond expression that strangely always seemed to placate his mood. 

He tried to ignore the subtle but lingering touches, that ranged from a soft comforting pat on the hand, to a hand that lay far too low on his back. Such touches, would always cause his brain to turn to mush. 

He tried to ignore the way he desired to monopolize Zhongli’s attention to himself. He tried to ignore the way he wanted the man, so desperately, even if he knew he could never. 

They were only supposed to be business partners and nothing else. 

But, even so, Childe allowed the foolish part of his brain to trick him into letting his guard down. It was even encouraging him to feel such emotions. Somehow, he felt as if he could trust this encyclopedia of a man, a man who spoke in nothing but flowery language and flattery. 

Tartaglia obviously opposed this, being conditioned to fight and guard his inner most sensitive parts. He was born to fight. Trained to withstand anything...But he was never trained to be resistant to these overbearing feelings he struggled to contain. 

"Don’t do it, you’ll only get yourself hurt," the rational part of his brain screamed at him. Warning him of the impending doom he would inevitably face. 

But, even so, Childe chose to ignore, preferring to loose himself in the warmth of Zhongli’s eyes. 

He knew it should’ve been a trap; something too good to be the true. And yet, he walked right into it, like a foolish sailor following the siren's sweet melody.  

He had seen the Traveler running into the Golden House, and so, with his own curiosity piqued, he followed her. 

___________________________

It was a mistake.

One that he wished he could take back. 

One that he wanted so badly to take back. 

When he went inside the Golden Palace, he had decided to hide behind the entrance of it, and decided to eavesdrop instead, eager to hear why it was that Lumine had walked in. After all, she did seem to be in a hurry, Paimon flying behind her in a hurried flutter. 

After spending so much time as the Tsaritsa's lapdog, eavesdropping was a skill that was almost second nature to him. Besides, it was also in his nature to snoop in others businesses. Over the years, this skill had proven to be fruitful. 

He concentrated on the muffled voices, and scowled when he heard who it was. 

Signora. 

The name alone felt like thick cement in his mouth. 

If anyone could be the human embodiment of a peacock, it would be her. She flashed her colors whenever she went, goading anyone to challenge her. But, to top it all off, she was a real bootlicker. Anytime they were on a mission, she would make Childe do the dirty work and then take credit when it would go right, or she would use him as a scapegoat when it ended up blowing up in her face. 

Besides that, she had never respected Childe. He was always too immature, too impulsive, too reckless. She always made him seem like a fucking mangy dog in front of their Tsaritsa, fluttering her lashes and puffing out her chest like a ridiculous bird. 

But, what pissed him off more was when he realized exactly who she was talking to. 

"Your performance was truly striking, Morax. You truly outdid yourself," she purred, stroking his ego no doubt.

Morax? 

The Archon, Morax? That Morax? 

Childe huffed. So, while he was left doing all the busy work, she gets to stride in wearing her ridiculous outfit and talk to a fucking god. And not just any god, but the god of war himself. Besides, who ever told Signora that she was even worthy enough to talk with the Archon of the region? 

It was bullshit. 

But, his frustration fizzled out when he heard the voice respond to her. 

"On the contrary. If it had not been for your help, I would not have been able to finish what I started. I am forever in Snezhnaya's debt." 

That voice. 

Baritone and deep, warm and smooth. 

But, it couldn't right? He...

He rushed in, and his stomach dropped. 

Zho-No-Morax was handing his Gnosis over to Signora, his expression neutral, as his eyes glowed, “A contract to end all contracts.”

Signora's lips pursed into arrogant smile, and when she turned her gaze to follow Childe's explosive entry, her grin only grew. 

She knew. 

His face was one of bitter betrayal. 

He couldn’t believe what was happening. His body was frozen, as he turned to look at Zhongli. A part of him pleading for Zhongli to look up at him and reassure him that it had been a dream. That he hadn't just handed the Gnosis over to Signora, that he hadn't used him all this time for his masterplan.

His eyes were soft, “Zhongli?? What's the meaning of this? What the fuck is going on?” 

Zhongli's gaze remained steadfast on the floor, refusing to look up. An admission of guilt. 

Guilt so clear, it paled in comparison to ice. 

It stung. 

"Well, well. It seems our dear Tartaglia seems quite confused, wouldn’t you say......Morax?”  

Laughing, she gestured towards Morax who remained still, neutral. His eyes betraying no emotion, contrary to his body language that conveyed everything Childe needed to know. 

"Quit your fucking games, Signora. What the hell is going on here!” 

Signora never gave him a moment of respite. She never did take pity on him. Even when he was just a little kid in comparison to the gaggle of Harbingers.

Her eyes were cold, “It is exactly what it seems.....While you were caught up in your arrogance and while you were having fun playing around, you were too ignorant to see what was under your nose the whole time. You were never supposed to retrieve the Gnosis. Our Tsaritsa sent you, as a distractio…I mean come on, Tartaglia…it was to be expected. After all, I was always the one to get things done, that’s why the Tsaritsa personally requested me to babysit you.” 

Tartaglia shook with rage, barely holding back the angry tears that threatened to spill down his face, “..Signora!” 

He threw himself at her. Without thinking, the irrational part of his brain took control of him. However, even he knew that he was no match for Signora, not right now at least. He had just fought the Traveler with the Foul Legacy. He was outmatched, and it showed when she easily sidestepped his punch, laughing all the while. 

Laughing at him. 

“Now, now, Tartaglia, you aren’t being fair. I’m not the one you should be mad at, after all, the man who actually betrayed you is standing right in front of you.....It’s not like I was the one who forced him to lie to you and give up his gnosis, he willingly agreed to it.” 

Childe stilled, and finally turned to hold Zhongli’s guilt ridden expression, he could tell she was telling the truth and his heart shattered.

He had suffered great humiliation and shame all for the sake of a man…who wasn’t even a mortal. 

He was a god who had lied to him all to achieve his master plan. 

He had been manipulated. 

Another pawn. 

It was stupid, he was stupid. 

Why couldn’t he have seen what was clearly in front of his eyes the whole entire time? Zhongli knew too much about Liyue’s history to simply be a mortal man. Now that he thought of it, he could have also sworn his hair glowed in the dark (but Childe only chalked it up to be the trick of his eyes or the light). And there had been other times where he had seen the man's teeth grow far too sharp to be human teeth, when he was eating particularly chewy meat. 

So, in reality, he had seen everything for himself. 

He had seen through the mortal disguise that Morax had made, but his growing affection for the man had overshadowed the truth that was standing there before him. 

He had played Childe perfectly like a guzheng; he was only another pawn for the God's own benefit. 

An interchangeable object, an insignificant placeholder. 

Childe allowed himself to be strung along with the soft smiles and long nightly conversations under the starry sky. He allowed himself to be fooled by such a beautiful person. He had willingly been seduced by a siren; knowing he was going to be eaten in the end. 

He had played an unpredictable game, and he had lost. 

He hurried out of there, only Lumine and Paimon’s worried voices called out to him.

La Signora could tell the flash of misery in Morax’s gaze but didn’t comment on it, taking the Gnosis and leaving on her own accord. The aftermath of such an event was not her problem. She had already lived past her age of getting mixed up in lover's quarrels. 

The Traveler and Paimon looked wide-eyed and almost pitiful as they stared the direction from where Childe had run out of. 

Signora almost felt bad for him…...almost. 

_______________________

After the humiliation that was the whole Gnosis situation, Childe decided to spend the rest of his time in Liyue stuck in his apartment and occasionally taking out his frustrations on nearby Hilichurl camps…sometimes even Ruin Guards…

To be honest, he took out his anger and feelings onto anything that crossed his path.

To the point whereexhaustion overtook him and he would pass out in the middle of the forest, only to then wake up, floating in water. 

His heart had not expected Zhongli to walk into his life. 

He had not been prepared to deal with such a man.  

Up until that point, his life had the same routine: Wake up, go on a mission, receive orders from the Tsaritsa, kill, rinse, repeat.

He was the Tsaritsa’s Vanguard after all. 

The mangy dog that followed its master's orders. 

That was almost something he was especially ordered to do, on a regular basis. He had no time to consider his own feelings, or take others into consideration. That wasn’t something he had time for, in his line of work. Even spending time with his family had become a mission in itself. He had to charm people with his boyish charm, and then kill them afterwards. It was the same for every mission. 

The stupid idea of love and the idea of settling down, had never been a priority to him. 

It never has been and it will never be. 

However, ever since he stared back into those cor lapis eyes, they seemed to drag him in.

So, like a bug caught in a cobweb, he was trapped before he knew it. 

Zhongli had single-handedly managed to rip him out of the mediocrity that was his life and had shown him what it felt like to be cared for and loved.

Every single gaze, every light touch, every story, every smile......made him feel something. 

For the first time, ever since he had fallen into the Abyss, he felt like perhaps he was worthy enough to have a close relationship with someone. The void in his heart was finally going to get filled up with something as simple as human connection, and he craved it. 

And occasionally he would day-dream about sharing the rest of his life with Zhongli. He had come to see the man as a life-long partner, the only person he wanted to marry and grow old with. 

And in these day-dreams, he dreamt of memories that never came true. 

Would Zhongli hold him through his nightmares? Would he whisper sweet nothings into his ear, as he calmed him down? Would he manage to understand him, love him for everything that he is? Would he kiss him gently through his tears? Would he let Ajax know his most intimate and private feelings? Would he let Ajax accept everything that he was, and love him nonetheless? Would he propose to him during a day spent on the beach, and would Ajax cry as he eagerly accepted his proposal? Or would his proposal come after a quiet night spent in bed? Or would Ajax propose to Zhongli first? Would their marriage ceremony be as beautiful as he thought it would be? Would he trace over his scars lightly with his fingertips? Would he get to see Zhongli's ugly sides, and get to love them nevertheless? Would he ever get to spend mornings spent in bed, as he brought breakfast to Zhongli in bed? Would he love him even after they were old? Would he treasure every last memory after he died? 

All of these childish thoughts were thrown out, as soon as the truth was out. 

The truth was: Zhongli never considered him a friend nor could he ever love him, or did he ever love him. The only reason he had gotten closer to Childe was because he saw him as a pawn in his twisted game of chess. He never saw him as anything more than a pawn. 

He was only a pawn, not a friend, not a lover, not an enemy. 

He was a pawn. 

Somehow, that information only managed to make his chest hurt even more, was he ever considered worthy enough to be Zhongli’s…...anything? 

He no longer felt the seething anger thrumming in his veins. After all, his anger was a cover up for the embarrassment he felt, which only served as a deeper cover up the hurt he truly felt. 

However, even Childe knew he could not dwell on such stupid fleeting emotions; it was bound to happen.

Tartaglia had warned him, but he turned a blind eye to it all. 

He was the one who was wrong. 

_________________________

A month had passed, and Ajax was only counting the days after his departure from Liyue. He wanted to leave the burning humiliation and his feelings behind in Liyue.

And hopefully never return to the dreaded city ever again. 

He watched the people outside of his apartment window pass and envied how joyful they looked. A particular couple, made his heart clench in jealousy.

They were a young couple, it seemed.

Barely in their teens, it seemed. 

They were holding hands, smiling at each other.

Tartaglia tore his eyes away from window. 

They looked happy; in love. 

A sharp contrast to how miserable Ajax felt. He was almost jealous of how free they looked.

Freedom, huh. 

He sighed, and looked down to the unfinished letter perched on his desk, awaiting him. It was his latest letter to Tonia and Teucer. He had forgotten to write them a letter in a few days, and had caught wind through his underlings that they were getting increasingly worried about their big brother. Which, was honestly justified because he felt like shit. He had lost motivation to do anything, and according to Ekaterina, ‘went into a depression,’ whatever that meant. 

Normally, he pushed through whatever feelings he felt to write a letter back, but this time...the pen weighed heavily in his hand. He didn’t know what false stories to make up, and if he was honest, he didn't have it in him to lie to them this time. He could not force the fantastical white-lies he usually made up as a ‘Toy Salesman’ in Liyue.

Dear Tonia & Teucer…

He scribbled the rest of whatever he was beginning to write out; it was hopeless. 

He was hopeless, and he wanted to leave. 

However, he didn’t have time to hold onto self-pity before a knock rang out, startling him enough from his self-deprecating thoughts. He caught a glimpse of someone at his door. He ran towards the door, and opened it, in hopes to see a man dressed in black attire with golden accents, with those same molten eyes, and comforting baritone voice….only to meet a pair of concerned amber eyes….

Lumine? 

__________________________

Ajax slapped on Childe and smirked down at Lumine, "Oh, hey! Fancy seeing you here, are you finally ready for that rematch?”

Lumine stared up at Childe, her expression tired. Normally, when Lumine looked at him, she looked exasperated if not fond. But this time, she looked alarmed. And, next to her was Paimon, who was a wreck. 

What was going on? 

Lumine looked hesitant and parted her lips several times to speak, she looked terrified. A scared mouse cornered by cats. 

Childe quirked his eyebrow, wondering what had caused Lumine to look like someone had died, "...What’s wrong? Did someone die or something?”

Paimon’s eyes began to flood with tears and soon enough they started to fall freely from her face. But, she didn’t say anything and instead chose to sob into Lumine’s shoulder. Lumine still looked hesitant and similarly had tears clinging to her eyelashes, “Childe.....do you not know?”

Now, he was really confused? What didn’t he know? What the hell had happened ever since he was gone to elicit such a strong reaction from Lumine? Of all people he had met, Lumine had never been one to be particularly expressive. From what he had heard from other people, it was her brother who was the more emotionally expressive of the two...So, what gives? 

Childe released a soft laugh, mostly out of nerves, “Know about what?” 

Lumine looked even more choked up, her eyes widening almost comically, “You really don’t know…Childe…Zhongli…Zhongli is in grave danger.” 

Now, it was Childe’s turn to be surprised. What the hell did she mean by grave danger? 

The last time he had seen the ex-archon, he seemed to be perfectly fine. In fact, he had seen him only 5 days ago, walking down the street smiling and laughing happily with Lumine and Xiangling?

What the hell changed? 

Was this some sort of sick joke? 

No, Lumine’s reaction seemed too real for that to be true. 

He felt his chest start to clench, and his own eyes start to burn; his nerves fully taking him over, voice croaky and faint, “What do you mean?”

Lumine wiped at her damp eyes with her sleeve, before straightening herself out, “He collapsed 3 days ago, and he’s..." Lumine drew a large breath, "He's dying, Childe..” 

The full severity of the situation came crashing down onto Childe. The irony of the situation was too much to handle; of course the bastard had to start dying just when Childe was about to leave. Of course, just when he was starting to get over him. Childe remained silent for a minute, blinking back the rushing myriad of conflicting emotions that danced around freely in his head. It was too much to handle. But as always, he felt himself growing hot from rage. 

He was mad at himself, mad at Morax, mad at the world. 

Mad at everything. 

The cruel irony was too much; he wanted to scream. To grab Lumine by the shoulders and squeeze her throat with his hands until he felt her struggle and claw at his hands to stop. Until she no longer struggled and turned into silent putty under his hands. She was a fucking liar, she had to be. And Paimon was just staring at him with those same two clueless eyes that made him want to rip her apart. 

He drew in a breath this time. But, Lumine only continued, caught up in her own grief to even notice the danger next to her, “He’s inviting all of the people he cares for. Friends, acquaintances, and family to talk with him one more time. And…he umm…well, he asked for...you…” 

Childe soaked in the new information, feeling his ire cool down to negative degrees. Zhongli had asked for him, personally. 

But, why? 

Lumine sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, awkwardly spitting out her words like a garbled mess that didn't suit her, “Listen. He’s…bedridden…right now…and uhh..I-I..hope...you can.....come-Look, I know things didn’t end on the best note, and I know this is out of nowhere. I know how you feel and everything about him right now, given how things ended. But, he’s asked for you…and I promised that I would bring you with me. So, could you please come with us?”

Lumine stared up at him, desperation clear in her gaze, "Just this once, Childe. Then you can forget about it and deal with this on your own. But, I'm asking you as a friend," Lumine blushed when she said the last part, looking embarrassed to admit that she considered him a friend, despite everything. 

He pushed aside his feelings earning a soft watery smile from Lumine. 

___________________________

He looked worse than Childe had expected. 

Sure, he had seen many fatui soldiers seriously injured in his lifetime; and had even been the one with the extreme injuries…but, this was a sight he wasn’t sure he could handle. 

Zhongli's usual golden eyes were shut, his complexion was eerily pale. Like a corpse, like porcelain plates. He looked weak to the touch, so much so, that Childe almost couldn’t bring himself to touch him. 

This was the last place he would have thought he would meet up with Zhongli again. 

He never expected to see someone so radiant, on their deathbed. Someone who was supposed to be immortal and all-knowing, just what had happened. And, why was the terrible voice in the back of his head urging him to wrap his fingers around Zhongli's neck, and press into it, until he felt the sharp snap of his neck breaking under his fingers. With the state he was in, he would probably only have to use one. 

Lumine had led him inside of Zhongli’s house, leading him towards his room, a sight for sore eyes. Cluttered, filled with fancy trinkets and colorful embroidered blankets and silks. A room fit for a king, and furnished with the finest chiseled wooden furniture. But, now, the once nostalgic room looked suffocating. Like the walls were falling apart with their creator, caving in on his dying body.  

In the center, lied Zhongli. 

Zhongli looked a mess, his hair tangled, his eye bags heavy like had hadn't had sleep in years. Too pale for the man he knew. He analyzed his face for a while, staring at the man who he had felt so strongly for. 

He looked like a regular dying man, his godly status ripped apart and faced with his own newfound mortality. 

Ajax's eyes landed on particular strand of hair was laying on the side of his cheek, unkempt and unruly. He felt his hand reaching unconsciously towards it. A habit that he had long since become accustomed to. 

He felt a slap to his hand. 

He looked up and was met with similar molten eyes, but these looked like they could pierce through your very soul; it was Lumine’s friend…that green adeptus..

He eyed Childe up, his eyes narrowed and piercing like a cat's. He rotated the spear in his hand, ready to pin Childe to the wall. If the situation was different, then perhaps, Childe would’ve challenged him to a spar, but for some strange reason, he didn’t. 

Xiao clenched his fist tight, shoving Childe to the wall, pining him with his spear, “Why the fuck are you here! Abyssal creature!”

Lumine rushed to the adeptus’ side, shoving him, “Xiao...not now." 

Xiao snarled, gritting his teeth, “I don’t know why you brought him here, he nearly drowned all of Liyue Harbor! He’s the reason…”  He paused and looked towards Zhongli, his cat-eyes softening, “He’s the reason my Lord managed to obtain that absurd disease!” 

Disease? What disease? What was he talking about? 

Lumine sighed, arms wrapped around her own torso, “Xiao…please…Zhongli himself insisted on bringing him here. You can't do this here. You'll be disrespecting his wishes...They could be his last...” 

Xiao deflated, closing his eyes and fighting against himself. He squared his shoulders, huffed, before he pointed his spear towards Childe, eyes narrowed, “Try anything and I'll kill you myself. My Lord's wishes be damned,” before he vanished into a puff of anemo. 

_____________________

After Xiao left, more of Zhongli’s adepti friends (family) came, all bringing gifts with them. 

The first one that came was Ganyu, she had brought a bracelet made from Qingce flowers. She got the delicate bracelet and wrapped it gingerly around his fragile wrist. Tying it like it was the most special thing in the world. She had spared a single glance towards Childe, but somehow it did not seem to hold any contempt like Xiao’s.

Instead, it seemed to hold a look Childe could not place his finger on; that same look she had gave him the first time they had met.

She knelt by the side of his bed, and regularly felt his pulse-almost nervously, before another adeptus by the name of Madam Ping showed up. Ajax felt like the air in the room was suffocating him, and yet, he couldn’t leave yet. He had to wait until Zhongli woke up to tell him whatever he was supposed to. 

He felt like leaving, and he probably would have already done so, if not for Lumine being in the room. 

Madam Ping showed up soon enough, as well as 2 crane-like adeptus and a deer-like adeptus. 

Madam Ping looked at Childe with great sympathy in her gentle eyes, and the familiar gaze that Ganyu sent his way, “You must be Childe, I suppose.” 

Childe nodded, and instantly felt the stares of many adepti at once, which all looked at him with a different combination of stares. 

The tall blue-crane looked at him up and down and exclaimed, “So, this is the human our lord has chosen. Tch. Out of everyone, that may have caught his attention. He chose the foreign traitor who nearly caused Liyue harbor to sink and its people to be killed by that wretch? Hmph, it seems like our Lord's strange tastes still remain true." She garbled something about "red hair", scowled and looked back towards Madam Ping, who kept a placid smile on her face. 

Soon enough they started to eye him with the same contempt Xiao had, realizing he was the scoundrel that had destroyed the place they had protected for millennia. Another adeptus screeched out, “Our Lord must be crazy, going for this one of all mortals!” 

Three of the adepti nodded, agreeing, “Yes what in the Abyss was our Lord thinking! Even going as far as to contract this absurd disease, all because of this puny human.” 

“Yes, this one can’t believe how blasphemous this whole situation has turned out to be,” the blue crane grumbled. 

Madam Ping sighed, “We must respect our lord’s decision, we can’t argue like this. Especially when his body is under a lot of stress,” she wiped the sweat forming on Zhongli's face with practiced ease. 

They quieted down, but they peered into Childe with a burning hatred. Madam Ping looked around and sighed, putting the handkerchief on the nightstand,“Ganyu, how are his meridians?” 

Ganyu looked up, “They're still intact but.." she fiddled with her lip, "They are gradually losing energy..” 

Madam Ping made her way toward Zhongli before leaning down and taking his hand as well. She pressed her fingers against his wrist, and nodded, “Yes, that seems to be the case," she sighed, "The situation does not seem good.” 

“If I may ask.....what is wrong with him exactly?” 

He felt his voice come out before he even made the conscious decision to speak. 

But, he regretted doing so. The entire room erupted into judgement filled gazes, as they gossiped amongst themselves. Drawing an invisible line between them. 

Us Vs. Him. 

Madam Ping took a long breath before answering, her age noticeable on the wrinkles in her forehead, “Rex Lapis or Zhongli as you know him, is suffering from a disease that debilitates the body and only affects archons.."

She stood up and grabbed his hand, in a gesture so familiar to Childe, her warmth radiating onto his cold hand. A gesture that was synonymous with the warmth of the babushka's back home, "It does not have a name, but it is something we have been noting within the first couple of archon’s whose gnoses have been ripped away from them. Now, normally, archon’s do not need their gnoses to survive. However, when faced with extreme stress and long periods of exposure to miasma or abyssal energy, they are corrupted."

She sighed, patting his hand, "Without their gnoses they are rendered weak to the exposure long-term and will eventually perish if they do not regain their gnoses. As they act as a purifier for this kind of energy, and so without them, as you can imagine, the damage is far too much....We have done our best to stabilize his condition, but no amount of purification can save his life. Even if you were to remove the entirety of the energy attached to him, he would still succumb to its withering effects....We wrote a letter to your Tsaritsa and have requested to give his gnosis back temporarily while this problem resolves itself..."

Childe looked around the room, everyone's gazes were downcast, "...Where is the gnosis then?.." 

Madam Ping closed her eyes, before she cupped his face, "Dear boy....the gnosis has vanished.” 

Childe was stunned.

Morax's gnosis vanished?

How?

He swallowed, “How...how was he exposed? What happened to him?” 

“It’s all my fault."

He turned to look at a downcast Lumine. Her voice small and shaky,“....We were out completing the Adventurer’s Guild missions in Qingce Village, when....he suddenly got attacked by a horde of rift wolves. I tried to fend them off as best as I could but they kept coming out. I warned Zhongli against fighting them alone, but he told me to evacuate the rest of the villagers. I agreed and…”

Lumine looked down in shame, hands quivering. 

Madam Ping gave a small smile before she went over and rubbed Lumine's shoulder, causing the tears to spill, “....Calm down, child. It was not your fault. Our Lord knew the risk he was putting himself into when he fought them. Do not blame yourself.” 

“It wasn’t your fault. It was his!” Xiao pointed his spear, singling Childe out, accusatory. His fangs barred and his expression enraged, "If he hadn’t left my Lord in shambles, then perhaps my Lord wouldn’t have been so reckless.” 

Madam Ping turned towards him, her expression stern, “Xiao, it is not his fault, please, quell your anger.....How many times do I have to remind you? All of you. We promised our Lord we would take care of him in his absence. It’s our duty as adepti to follow our Lord’s orders in his absence, we must respect his wishes and protect this mortal with our lives. After all, that is our duty. Our divine doctrine..” 

All of the adepti nodded, as if they had been reprimanded like children.

However, Xiao was still an unruly child and still refused, “...Madam Ping, you did not see my lord after this abyssal scum left him! He was reckless and did things he had never done before, just like all those years ago....I tried to reason with him, but he was too far gone. And then, he did that stupid move and put himself in harms way. How can you stand there and tell me I can’t blame him!” 

The room fell silent, but it was all interrupted by a soft cough. 

Zhongli had awoken. 

________________________________

Zhongli stood up, before Ganyu rushed forward and gently pushed him back, "My Lord, do not exert yourself too much." 

He chuckled, “Cloud Retainer, Mountain Shaper, Moon Carver, Adeptus Xiao, Madam Ping, Ms. Lumine, I’m glad to see you all here.” 

Cloud Retainer pecked at Zhongli’s head, careful to not hurt him, “This one is very cross with you! You fought those beasts by yourself without calling for us," she huffed, "My Lord, were you underestimating us? This one may be old, but one still has retained one's abilities in combat.” 

Zhongli grinned and shook his head, “I do not doubt your abilities, Cloud Retainer…Frankly, I was not thinking. And I hope you all can forgive me for my reckless actions.” 

Cloud Retainer sighed heavily, “One guesses she can forgive you.” 

Ganyu cleared her throat, “What she means is that she has been worried sick about you, my Lord. She couldn't sleep and was researching frantically about your ailment. The bags under her eyes were as big as the Yellow River!” 

Cloud Retainer gasps, “Insolent child, don’t you dare speak against your elders!” She pecked at Ganyu's head, while the girl laughed and ran around the room, covering her head with her hands. 

Cloud Retainer eventually stopped chasing Ganyu around and placed a small incense burner in the shape of Rex Lapis on his nightstand. It produced a pleasant smell, like sandalwood and silk flowers. Zhongli's preferred perfume, a smell he would always catch a whiff of on nearby perfume stalls and shops.

"This one brought some incense to help lessen the aroma of the dead in here." 

Zhongli chuckled heartily, his eyes turning into crescent moons (although the other Adepti seemed scandalized by her bold statement). His eyes displayed a certain warmness that Ajax selfishly hoped he would be the subject of once more, "Thank you, Cloud Retainer. You have been a great friend and have served Liyue and it's people well." 

She huffed and stepped aside, murmuring something ineligible, allowing for the other adepti to give out their gifts. Moon Carver and Mountain Shaper then stepped up and set down a pot of what appeared to be Bamboo Shoot Soup.

Zhongli’s favorite. 

Moon Carver spoke up first, “My Lord, we hope you will like what we have brought you. We will promise to protect him, with all of our might......Even if he is quite unsavory...A rascal is quite not the words we would use to describe him...” 

Zhongli let out a small chuckle, “Thank you Moon Carver, Mountain Shaper. I really appreciate it, with all of my heart.” 

The duo bowed, before they turned away from him and let Xiao pass to the front. His hand gripped tightly onto a small vial of pain medicine. Childe recognized the bottle immediately, Zhongli had once explained to him that the medicine is only meant to be used by Adepti due to its potency, much to his dismay.  

“My Lord, I have brought some medicine for you," he stood rigidly, "I hope it will bring my Lord some relief from the pain he must feel.”

Zhongli nodded and patted Xiao’s hand with the only mobility he had left in his hands, “Thank you, my Vigilant Yaksha, you have served me well.” Xiao nodded in response, though he looked slightly sheepish at such a compliment. 

Zhongli turned towards Lumine, who anxiously paced through the room, “And, Ms. Lumine, I appreciate all you have done for me. Thank you. You inadvertently helped me with my plan. You've fulfilled a long-term personal wish of mine. My people are able to sustain themselves without my divine intervention. This small act will push forward a new era for Liyue and its citizens, and for all those I hold dear. And, for that, I can never truly repay you.” 

“No, I haven’t done anything to deserve any praise. There is really no need to repay me. In fact, I owe you my own personal thanks. Even if you have not provided much information on the whereabouts of my brother, you've been a great friend. But, I really don't like to feel indebted to anyone. So, I brought what I promised you.” 

Zhongli’s eyes widen and he stands up in his bed way too fast, clenching his teeth in pain. Xiao immediately comes to his side, already pulling the cap off of the medicine and pouring it onto a spoon, “My Lord, please, have some of this.” 

Zhongli complies and takes the medicine before he glances over to where Childe is standing awkwardly, his eyes sparkling, “Ajax…you have come..” 

All of a sudden, he is the center of attention once more and he can feel the stares of the other adepti boring into him, “...Yeah..” 

He tensely walks towards Zhongli, and begrudgingly the other adepti allow him to go by Zhongli’s side.

Zhongli’s lets out a long breathe, his eyes water, “My dearest Ajax, I have hurt you, deeply. When I made that contract with La Signora, I did not know that I would grow to cherish, love and look forward to our time together. I never thought I would grow as close to you as I did. My lifetime has been long and arduous, and I found myself living with no sense of purpose. Despite being a god with all of the time in the universe, my affections are kept close to my heart. What you have reignited in me, can not be described," He sighed, "But even so, I never meant to hurt you, but I had to make a choice. It was either my own heart, or Liyue’s citizens. It was the hardest choice I have ever made in my entire lifetime, but I had to choose my people. I am.....truly sorry, I should have never lied about my true identity, but with the contract already in motion......I could not turn back what was already sealed in stone.........I hope you will be able to forgive me,” he looked at Ajax with soft glowing tears leaving his downtrodden eyes. 

Childe let out a shaky breath, “This is really unfair Zhongli," he drew in a breath, "You know, normally, I would have challenged you to a duel. It's a tradition I do, to settle any bad blood between us. But, with you being in the state you are in, I can’t. I-I still haven’t forgiven you. You lied to me and used me as a pawn Zhongli, do you have any idea how hurt I felt after everything. To find out that you've been masquerading as my guide and playing me for a fool. I gave you my heart, Zhongli. It's not easy for me to do that. I've never given anyone else my heart, I've never let anyone in. And you betrayed my trust. I loved you. How can I even know that you didn't lie about loving me? How can I know that our time together was more than just another act for you?"

"...I do love you.." 

Ajax turned to look at Zhongli in the eyes, forcing himself to stare in the eyes of his lover. 

They were on fire, Ajax shivered, but continued, "I don't want you to die....I don’t want you to fucking die!! Zhongli. Why couldn’t you have at least waited until I got over my anger?!.....It’s…really unfair Xiansheng. How am I supposed to feel when you say that...” 

Ajax felt his face burn, blinking rapidly leaving behind small round imprints on the covers below him. 

Zhongli brought his hand to Ajax’s cheek, brushing away the tears, “I know it is not fair to you my dearest treasure. I wished that I could have given you more time to fully process the weight of my identity and continued on our path, together.......However, I-I can't do anything to stop what is happening with my body.....I am dying, Ajax.....Though, I wish I could have been better towards you my dearest, I am truly sorry...” 

He lets go. 

His tears fall freely now, like a cruel but sweet cascade. 

___________________________

Ajax doesn’t know when he left.

After Zhongli had stroked his cheeks a couple of more times, something in him seemed to snap, and he suddenly yanked away Zhongli’s gentle calloused hands. And the bitter taste in his tongue only seemed to amplify when he saw the look on Zhongli's face, "...I'm sorry, Ajax....this is not fair to you......But, I meant every word I said to you....You are the love of my life......And I love yo-" 

Zhongli's eyes widened. In a hurry, he hunched over and began to cough. A sound knocking at the death's door. He pressed his hands to his mouth, blood dripped down his hands and onto the white covers. 

Blood. 

Ajax's eyes went wide, as he rushed towards Zhongli, his hands on his back, as he tried to reassure the God, but it was too much. 

Zhongli was dying. Zhongli loved him. 

Ajax felt his heart break, as he felt his resolve and courage shatter. So instead, he ran, and ran, and ran, until he was far away from Zhongli's apartment.

It no longer mattered. 

Just before Childe could forgive the man, just when he was starting to heal and move on from him. Suddenly, Zhongli was going to die? 

He looked down. His hands were covered with red. The warm smell of death, he was covered in it. 

Whose blood, he didn’t know, nor did he care. His ears were ringing and his mind was floating; it no longer seemed to matter. He wanted to curse the world. He wanted to scream at himself, when the person he loved the most was in danger, he was too busy moping around feeling sorry for himself. 

It was unfair. 

All he could hear now was the crushing of bones and warmth that splashed his face. He sat down the nearest tree he could find, away from the trail of blood he had left behind. He rested his tired body against it. 

His emotions were a jumble. He slumped forward, and like he did at 14 years old when he first fell down The Abyss, he broke down. He wasn't a warrior anymore, he was stripped down to his barest state; raw and naked. He was still the same scared child who had wailed and called out for his mother, only to be met with silence. 

Deafening silence. 

No one would hear him here. He was alone, the tears were no more relief. He leaned back and stared at the sky. 

Clear blue. A mockery of perfect day. He had yearned for days like this back home. But now, it all seemed empty. There was no reason for any of this anymore. How could he face reality when he woke up? 

How could he face Zhongli's corpse when he wakes up? His cold and limp body, dressed in his best clothes. His death would be meaningless like everyone else. His followers had already grieved him. His family would grieve, but they would move on. They looked calmer than he was. 

They had been through many deaths, another one would be nothing to them. 

But he would stay stagnant. 

He would be frozen in time, watching. 

His eyes grew heavy and he felt his consciousness wane....

_____________________________

“....Ajax...can you hear me?" 

Ajax blinked his eyes open. A woman's voice? 

Standing above him, was a young woman in her mid twenties. Her hair was brown and flowing past her waist, adorned in elegant hairpins and braids. Her face delicate, small arched eyebrows, monolid eyes that conveyed warmth, and a big grin on her face. 

He took in her full appearance. She was dressed in an elegant white qixiong ruqun with golden embroidery. 

Was there a festival? 

She smiled, "I heard you while I was on a walk...Are you alright?" 

Her fingers brushed a strand from his face. 

Ajax twitched, "...Ah...yeah, sorry..." He tried to stand up but, he felt his muscles scream at him. He had overdone himself. Not the first time, but it still hurt. He couldn't even lift a finger, "...Just fought some beasts.." 

The lady nodded, "I see...." she blinked and turned towards him, her eyes boring into him, "Actually, I was actually here to visit my dear old friend. I've heard he's ill..." 

Ajax made a garbled sound, a half-hearted attempt at a chuckle, "Then we are in the same boat." 

The lady's eyes widened, "Oh, really? What a coincidence...Then, could you give me some directions to his address....I am rather lost. It's been....a while since I've been here," her gaze trailed off, but she snapped back towards him. 

"...I know some of the people here, but...It would be best for you to go without me. I've done some stuff..." He winces. The encounter with the strange lady before him was a much needed distraction for how shitty he felt. Maybe he would make a new friend? Probably not. 

The lady seemed surprise, but immediately straightened up, "Well, my friend's name is Zhongli and I have been meaning to visit him. I've delayed it due to...circumstances, but I rushed as soon as I heard that he was ill. I am not sure if you would know him, but he is the Funeral Consultant at Wansheng Funeral Parlor...I've heard his condition is not the best.."  

He felt his eyes widen. 

She knew Zhongli? 

He sighed, blinking rapidly, "Yeah...." 

The woman smiled, before she turned to look at the surrounding space, "...Do you know that this place belongs to the grave of a god fallen during the Archon War?" 

"A god?" 

The woman nodded, "...She was a minor god, but she did what she could...." she walked towards an unmarked gravestone that seemed to be taken care of, "She was laid to rest here. Of course, now it's abandoned, but, someone comes here to clean it up. Brings glaze lilies sometimes too...Those are good days.." Her eyes softened as she traces the name engraved on the stone. 

Ajax felt his head pounding with a headache, and her words swirled in an out of his ears. 

"Unfortunately, I lied to you..." the woman pauses, "...I can not leave even if you give me directions...I am limited..." 

She holds her hand out to the sunspots coming from the trees. The sunlight shines through her arm, golden dust trailing behind her. 

"....Zhongli is dear to me...." 

His headache is still pounding, his heartbeat is in his ears. 

"But I can not save him, but you can..." 

He feels his vision blur, the exhaustion warping his reality. 

She floats over to him, her fingers reaching towards him, "..Save him, for me.” 

Her fingers touched his forehead lightly. A bright golden light surrounded him, blinding his vision. He couldn't see anything else. No matter where he looked, there was nothing but that light. 

When he came to, the light was gone, and in its place was a place he did not recognize; as well as a set of familiar golden molten eyes staring curiously at him. 

Where was he?