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Chapter Text

This is a work of fanfiction. I don’t own anything you recognize. I got this off a prompt from Reddit. Fanart is by

Aussiefan70.

I thank you in advance for any reviews.

There are a lot of f-bombs in this fic. You have been warned. The basilisk cusses like a sailor.

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It was Harry Potter’s second year at Hogwarts, and everything was going great. He was on the quidditch team, and they were having a good time practicing. Well, they could do without the extreme weather.

But Wood was just that type of captain. He was just so obsessed with the game and making this year his year. That and he wanted to get noticed by any scouts. He was determined to get picked by a professional team before he graduated in two years.

Harry had just got through talking to Nearly Headless Nick about his Death Day Party and was headed back to the dorms when he heard, “Merlin dammit,” and a loud bang on the wall. The portraits shook and there was some more cussing and then the sound of scales on stone and then nothing.

“What?” he said to no one as he looked around the empty hall. “Who said that?” he asked the air. He was well and truly frightened. He kept looking over his shoulder as he made his way to the Gryffindor common room. “I just heard the weirdest thing,” he told Ron as he sat next to him on one of the sofas.

“What?” the redhead asked as he put down the Chocolate Frog Card that he was examining. It wasn’t one that he wanted anyway. He had loads of them, but he was missing only a few. This one was Dumbledore and he had three of him.

“There was something in the walls,” Harry said, describing what he heard. “It was creepy, let me tell you,” he added, keeping his voice down.

“Really?” Ron said, looking at Hermione who was paying attention. It wasn’t often that something spooked Harry.

“You say no one was about?” she asked, putting down her book. She pulled out some parchment and a quill. “Did you hear anything else?” she inquired, ready to take notes.

“Just some slithering noises,” Harry said, not sure what to make of that. It sounded huge, but snakes didn’t get that big. Did they?

“Interesting,” she said, jotting that down and then storing it away. “Let me know if it happens again,” she demanded, in her bossy way.

“Sure,” the dark-haired teen said, ready, willing, and able to let her do the research. He was not the studious type. He’d rather play quidditch. “So, Nearly Headless Nick has invited me to his Death Day Party, want to come with?” he asked, looking at them hopefully. He really didn’t want to go it alone.

“Oh, that does sound interesting,” Hermione said, immediately. “It’ll be ever so exciting,” she added, bouncing in her seat.

“Will there be food?” Ron asked, getting to the important question. He’d be missing the feast after all. He had his priorities.

“I’m not sure. I mean, I guess. It’s a party,” Harry said, shrugging his shoulder.

“Really, Ron, it’ll be quite an experience,” their bushy-haired friend said, giving them a look that said they would enjoy their time there or else. The two boys shared a look and shrugged. They weren’t ones to argue.

Halloween came and the trio went to the cellar, where the party was being held and were dismayed that there was food, but it was all completely rotten and decayed. It was cold down there and the group of friends were not having a good time. The dead didn’t want the living there, and the living were uncomfortable, so it was mutual.

They stuck it out for Nick’s sake and left when it was polite enough to do so. On their way back to the Great Hall so Ron could eat, they ran into a crime scene. Mrs. Norris was hanging from a candle sconce. She had been petrified. At least they hoped she was. There was writing on the wall that said:

‘The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the heir... beware’.

“What is the Chamber of Secrets?” Harry asked, stepping away from the water on the floor.

“I don’t know,” Hermione said, frustratingly. She hated not knowing something.

“We’d better leave,” Ron said, turning to do just that. However, they could hear a large group of people coming in their direction. They had just turned to go back the way they had come when students and staff came pouring into the hall from the direction of the Great Hall.

Chaos ensued and somehow Harry was implicated in the whole thing. Damn Dumbledore for singling him and his friends out. The questioning took some time and, on their way, back to the common room, Harry heard the voice again.

“Mother fucking dammit,” he heard along with a pounding noise as something ran into the walls. “That fucking hurts,” the hissing stated as the walls rattled again.

“What?” Harry said, spinning around, making Ron and Hermione stare at him.

“No one said anything,” Hermione said, looking around the hall.

“Shhh,” Harry said, cocking his head to the side.

There was some thumping and the armored suits that lined the walls all looked at the walls like they were haunted. They all stepped from their pedestals and armed themselves.

“I don’t need this shite,” the hissing continued. “I’m so damned hungry,” it said as it moved further away. “I could eat a fucking hippogriff right now,” it said, its voice getting dimmer. “And I hate hippogriffs…” the voice trailed off.

“Hello,” Harry said, running to the wall and banging on it, but he was too late, whatever it was, was gone.

“Harry, what are you doing?” Ron asked, looking at his friend queerly.

“There is something in the walls,” the other boy said, looking at the wall like it would open up and let him in. “It’s got a potty mouth,” he added as an afterthought.

“I didn’t hear anything,” Hermione said, looking around for anything out of place. She did note the strange behavior of the armor. So, there must be something to what her friend was saying, but she hadn’t heard anything.

“Maybe the clanking of the armor covered it up, but there was something speaking in the walls,” Harry insisted, pressing his ear to the stone to see if he could hear more. Nothing. He hit the stones again, coming back with a red hand for his efforts.

“Maybe we should tell Dumbledore,” Hermione suggested, making a mental note to jot all this down when she got to her room, and moving to go back the way they came. That was the last place they had seen the man.

“And tell him what? That Harry is hearing something that neither of us are?” Ron questioned. “I don’t want him to implicate Harry any further. He already did that by holding us back like he did,” he said, very miffed over that.

“Whatever,” their bushy-haired friend said, folding her arms. “What do you think we should do?” she asked, turning, and starting back to the dorms. She was going to be researching this deeply.

“Leave it for now,” he suggested, following her and Harry. “We’ll just keep track of it, and make sure that it doesn’t hurt Harry,” he said, worried that it was after his friend.

The next morning, they found out that Mrs. Norris was fine. It seemed that whatever had petrified her wasn’t that strong and it had worn off. The fear that had run through the school the night before was weakened. Everyone was now talking about how Harry was not all that bad. How it was just a prank and not something nefarious. Even the Weasley twins were ribbing him.

A few days later, Harry was walking to his Transfiguration class when he heard the voice again. The hall was full of students and none of them heard it.

“Shite. I can’t see a fucking thing,” it hissed, as a loud bang was heard, and the stones rattled once again. “It’s darker than Salazar’s magic in here,” it hissed. “Goddamn bastard, leaving me here alone all these years,” it said, bumping into the wall again. “I should have bitten his dick off,” it whinged. A particularly loud smashing sound came from the walls as the creature slammed into them full force.

The portraits all started protesting and started running from their frames. That caused the students to stop and take in what was happening. They noted the painted people running scared and started doing the same. Some started screaming, though they didn’t know what they were scared of.

Harry was standing there listening to it, and wondering what it was. his head was tilted to the side, and he was staring at the wall where he heard the voice.

Ron was staring at Harry confused as to what Harry was looking at.

“Dammit,” the voice said, running into the wall again, making it vibrate with extreme force. “How do I get the bloody hell out of here?” it said, hitting the walls as if it was trying to turn around in a too small space. “That little girl is going to pay. I’m going to bite her fucking head off and piss in it,” it hissed, finally starting to move again. This time the ceiling started buckling and bits of dust started raining down as if the thing had banged its head on the roof.

“Stop,” Harry hissed, not realizing he was doing that. He ran to the wall again, but again he was too late. “Shite,” he said, slamming his hand on the stone and then turned around and saw Ron looking at him funny. “What?” he asked, irritated that he hadn’t stopped whatever was in the walls.

“You hissed,” the redhead accused, pointing a finger at him.  

“I what?” he asked, like the other boy was speaking a foreign language.

“You spoke parseltongue,” Ron tried again.

“What’s that when its at home?” Harry asked, searching Ron’s face, and not liking what he was seeing.

“You can speak to snakes,” Ron finally got to the point.

“Can’t everyone?” Harry asked, genuinely confused. “I mean, I thought it was a wizarding thing,” he said, wondering why his friend seemed so upset.

“No,” the redhead said, vehemently. “Only dark wizards speak to snakes.”

“Oi!” Harry protested, “I am not a dark wizard! I thought you knew me better than that.”

“I thought I did too,” the other boy said, rubbing the side of his nose. He looked conflicted.

“I like that,” Harry said, folding his arms. Then he had an epiphany.  “Do you reckon what’s in the walls is a snake?” he asked, getting excited. “That would explain why no one else can hear it,” he added, forgetting that he was mad at his friend. This was great news. That meant they had something they could take to Dumbledore.

“I reckon so,” Ron said, still a bit mutinous. He was unsure if he wanted to be associated with a parselmouth.

“Let’s go find Dumbledore,” Harry said, running off to do just that. They went to the headmaster’s office, they got stuck at the gargoyles, and started calling out every candy they could think of, only to stop when McGonagall came up to them.

“What are you doing?” she asked, her lips pursed. She was standing there looking at them imperiously.

“I need to speak to the headmaster,” Harry said, urgency in his tone. “It’s important.”

“Whatever for?” she asked, this time there was doubt in her voice.

“There’s something in the walls, and I know what it is,” the preteen said, leaning from one foot to another in an agitated way.

“There is little that goes on in this school that the headmaster does not know about. Move along and tend to your business and let the headmaster tend to his,” she said with a sniff. She shooed them away from the gargoyles, much to their protest.

Ron and Harry moved off and headed to their dorms. “Just like last year,” Harry said, glaring back over his shoulder. “I can’t believe she didn’t listen to me,” he groused, slumping as he walked. “Dumbledore didn’t know about Quirrell did he?” he grumbled under his breath.

“Look, Harry,” Ron said, looking sheepish. “I’m sorry I got tetchy about you being a parselmouth. It’s just that… Well, I just… Anyway, don’t tell anyone. Not even Hermione,” he said, stopping Harry and dragging him to an alcove so they couldn’t be seen or overheard.

“If everyone reacts the way you did, you bet I’m going to keep it a secret. But what do we do about the snake in the walls?” Harry asked, looking at the stone walls like a giant snake was going to pop out any moment.

“I figure you can try to talk to it. You know, in an out of the way place. See what it wants, or something,” Ron suggested as he started walking again.

“I guess,” Harry said as he followed. They walked in silence as Harry pondered how he’d do that.

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Time went on and Harry continued to hear the voice. It got funnier and funnier the more he listened to it. That was until Michael Corner got petrified. Harry came upon him right after it happened, and he chased down the snake. It was slithering right in front of him.

“Dammit, that bloody boy came out of nowhere,” it hissed, bumping into a wall, and careening off to the side. “I was supposed to get a bloody muggleborn. But how am I supposed to know who the fuck is muggleborn and who the fuck isn’t? They all fucking look alike to me.” It hit its head on the ceiling as it took a corner and cussed some more.

“Stop,” Harry said, but it kept on going. He was running as fast as he could, but even as blind as the snake seemed to be, it was faster. It slid into a bathroom, and he lost track of it from there. Now at least he had a starting point.

He went back to Michael and waited for someone to come. He would let them know he saw a giant snake and which direction it went, but nothing more.

“What happened here, Mr. Potter?” Professor Flitwick asked as he came running up, having been alerted by the ghosts.

“A giant snake got him,” Harry said, pointing in the direction the snake went. “It went that way.”

“Thank you, Mr. Potter,” the tiny professor said, lifting Corner with a spell and taking him to the Hospital Wing. An hour later, the teen was fine.

“Son of a bitch, my gaze sucks niffler shite,” Harry heard in the walls. It sounded like the voice was whinging. He followed it without looking like he was. The halls were full of students. “I can’t even fucking kill the little bastards anymore,” it sniffled, moving slowly through whatever it was using to navigate through the school. Pipes maybe. “Why am I even still hanging around this great pile of stones?”

Finally, they got to a deserted area. “Why are you attacking the students in the first place?” was Harry’s first question.

“Who the hell are you?” the snake asked, thumping into the wall, startled from being addressed in its own tongue. “How the bloody hell can you speak to me?”

“I don’t know how I can talk to you, but I’m glad I can. You seemed depressed,” he said, settling down by the wall and keeping his tone neutral.

“You’d be fucking depressed too if you were stuck in that fucking chamber for over a thousand years. Only to be let out by raging psychopaths that are hell bent on world domination,” the snake said, fury in its tone. “They don’t even fucking feed me any decent food. Do I look like I can be sustained on fucking rats and rabbits?” it asked, like Harry could see how big it was.

Harry did remember how big it was from when he chased it, and it was huge. “I’d give you a cow,” he said, trying to appease it.

“I’d prefer an Acromantula,” it said, a dreamy quality came to its voice.

“What’s an Acromantula?” the preteen asked, not having heard of that creature.

“They are giant spiders. There’s a colony of them in the Forbidden Forest. I can smell them. However, the last of the bastard world dominating mother fuckers that came to the chamber, collapsed the tunnel that leads to the forest,” it said, slamming its body into the wall in frustration this time and making the whole room that Harry was sitting in shake.

“Do you remember his name?” Harry asked, wondering if it was Voldemort.

“That tiny-pricked bastard’s name was Tom Riddle, but he fancied the name Lord Voldemort,” the snake said, a sneer dominating its tone. “Stupid made-up name, for a stupid boy,” it added, bitterness laced its tone.

“I knew it,” the human said, banging his head against the wall. If only the adults would listen to him. “Look, is there anything I can do for you? I hate that you are unhappy,” he asked, wanting to help as much as possible.

“Come to the Chamber of Secrets and dig out the fucking tunnel to the forest,” it suggested. “I am so hungry. I would be more pleasant to be around if I wasn’t starving to death.”

“Will you kill me if I do?” he asked, wondering if it even could since it was whinging about that earlier.

“I don’t think I bloody well can. My life is shite,” it whinged, confirming the preteen’s thoughts.

“Then I’ll come now,” Harry said, since he had time. It was Friday evening. There was no class tomorrow and curfew was late tonight. He got up and went to the bathroom where he knew the entrance was. “Where is the entrance?” he asked the wall, knowing the snake had followed him there.

A ghost came out and said, “Why are you hissing at the wall?”

She was a pudgy girl of a ghost, wearing old-fashioned Ravenclaw robes. She had horn-rimmed glasses and long hair done up in pigtails.

“I’m trying to find the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets,” he answered honestly.

Suddenly there was a banging on one of the sinks. It was one that was out of order.

The ghost let out a high-pitched wail and dived into a toilet.

Harry went to the sink and noted the picture of a snake.

“Say, ‘open’,” the snake hissed.

So, he did.

The many basined sink split apart and there was a tunnel in the middle. There was the sound of grinding stone as the tunnel was exposed. In that tunnel was a large snake. It came partially out and sat there looking at Harry. It was squinting. Its’ yellow eyes were barely seen, it was squinting so hard.

“Show me where you need me,” Harry said, trying to get a move on.

“Get on my back. It will be faster,” it said, for once not cussing.

So, Harry climbed up and held on to the weird, feathered crown it had on the top of its head. They moved lightning fast, though they did seem to bump into many walls, and were soon at the collapsed tunnel.

“I only know the levitation charm, so this might take a while,” Harry warned, taking his wand out and starting with the top rock and moving it to the side.

“As long as you make a space big enough for me to get out, I don’t care,” it said, curling up and watching him.

“Tell me some stories from a thousand years ago,” Harry requested, not wanting to work in silence.

So, the snake told him about Salazar Slytherin and how he had hatched her from a chicken egg and a toad. How he raised her here in this chamber and told her to protect the school from the muggles. How he left the school after a fight with the other Founders. She went into hibernation, but his descendants found her and made her do evil things. They would come often at first, then rarer as time went on, until plumbing was installed. Then the chamber was all but forgotten, until Tom Riddle found it and made her do bad things again. Then this year he was possessing a girl, who came and ordered him around.

“What does this girl look like?” Harry asked, his hole was looking pretty large by now.

“Shorter than you. Red hair. She wears robes like yours,” was the answer. “She holds a book when she comes down. I think that is what is possessing her,” the snake added.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, what type of snake are you? I’ve never seen one get as large as you,” Harry said, moving the final rock out of the way. He could feel the cool air coming from the forest.

“I am a basilisk. I am the deadliest snake in the world,” the very elderly snake said, puffing up proudly. “Or I was,” it said, deflating. “My eyesight has gone, you see. I can’t see more than a foot in front of me,” it complained. “That’s why no one is dead.”

“I know the feeling well,” Harry commiserated. “If I don’t have my glasses on, I’m the same way.”

“Glasses?” it asked, coming up very close to Harry and then pulling back at the last minute. “I see, those weird things around your eyes. Yes, Salazar had those too. I didn’t know what they were for back then. He used his for reading,” it said thoughtfully.  

“I’m sure your venom is still deadly,” Harry said, trying to cheer the basilisk up. “Not that I want you to try it on me,” he added quickly, waving his hands in a ‘please, don’t’ manner.

“Don’t worry, little human, I like you,” it said, still curled up in a coil.  

“When did your eyesight go?” Harry wanted to know.

“Only in the last fifty years or so,” she said, then added. “Well, it’s been failing for years, but I killed my last victim fifty years ago.”

“Oh,” the preteen said, not sure what to say to that.

“I didn’t mean too. she just popped out and then she was dead,” the snake said, protesting the murder as premeditated.

“What’s your name?” Harry asked, leaning against the wall, and crossing his ankles. “Mine is Harry,” he offered with a nod of his head. He put the thought of the girl’s death away for now. Though he did wonder if it was the ghost in the bathroom.

“Isobel,” she said, nodding her head towards him.

“Good, now we know each other, right and proper,” Harry said, then he looked at his watch. “I’ve got to get back. I’m going to try and get that book away from Ginny. That’s who I think is coming down here. You, try not to petrify anyone else, okay?” he said as he hurried along the tunnel to the path to the bathroom.

“Climb on, I’ll take you back,” Isobel said, veering in front of him. She slammed into a wall and said, “Mother fucker.”

“Are you alright?” he asked as he climbed up.

“Merlin, damn it, but that hurts. Yes, I’m bloody well okay. Look, I won’t eat the girl, but I have to obey her to an extent,” the snake said as they zipped along. She ran into a few more walls, luckily not hurting Harry.

“Why?”

“She’s being possessed by the descendant of my master,” she explained.

“Oh, okay. I’ll work fast,” Harry promised, and when they got to the top, he jumped off and booked it to the dorm. Ron and Hermione asked where he’d been and why he was so dirty. He declined to answer. He kept an eye on Ginny, who was indeed writing in a black diary.

The next morning, they saw that Hagrid looked sad at the morning meal. After breakfast was done, they went to his hut and asked what had him so upset.

“Aragog is dead,” the giant man said, blubbering into his huge hankie.

“Who is Aragog?” Hermione asked, patting his humongous arm. Her tiny hand barely made any impression on the thick skin, but he appreciated the gesture.

“He was the leader of the Acromantula. I’ve had him since he was a baby. Now he and half the colony are gone. It’s like something came and feasted on them. But I don’t rightly know what could do a thing like that,” Hagrid stated, blowing his nose in his tablecloth handkerchief. It was a boisterous noise, that shook the rafters.

“What’s an Acromantula?” Ron asked, looking at Hermione.

“It’s a giant spider,” Harry answered before she could, making Ron shudder and look at Hagrid with horror filled eyes.

“You have giant spiders in the forest?” the terrified boy asked, looking around the room like they were going to jump out at any moment.

“Not for long,” the half-giant said sadly. “They’re running off, they are. Something has scared them but good.” The tears once again started flowing and the kids had a hard time getting anything else out of him. Soon they gave up and left him to wallow.

“I don’t get why he’s all bent out of shape over some spiders,” Ron said, giving a full body shudder.

“How would you feel if it were Scabbers?” Harry asked, knowing that his friend would be butthurt.

“That’s different,” the redhead mumbled, but even he knew others would disparage him for mourning a rat.

“No, it isn’t,” Hermione said, primly.

Harry didn’t know if he should feel guilty or not over Hagrid’s pets. He didn’t, but he didn’t know if he should. He knew Isobel had to eat, and spiders were snake food, so… a giant snake ate giant spiders. It only made sense.

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“Gods, mother fucking dammit,” Harry heard one morning as the walls of his dorm room rattled and shook. Everyone who was asleep woke up and started looking around.

Dean mumbled, “Earthquake?” as he wiped the sleep out of his eyes.

“Don’t be silly, Dean, there are no earthquakes in this part of Scotland,” Seamus said, shaking his head.

“Well, what was that then?” the other boy asked, grabbing his robe and toiletries, and heading to the bathroom.

“I don’t know, but I’m telling McGonagall,” Seamus said, taking his robes and soaps out, and following his friend to the showers.

“Like she’d bloody listen,” Harry mumbled.

Ron and Neville were already showered and ready to head to breakfast. They were hanging by the door waiting for Harry.

“Harry Potter, where the bloody hell are you?” Isobel said, thumping into the walls again, like the space she was in was too small for her bulk. “Merlin, bless it, I think I’m stuck,” she said, this time whinging.

“Shite,” Harry said aloud, making everyone look in his direction. “Why don’t you lot head down to breakfast and I’ll catch you up,” he suggested, swinging his legs off his bed, and grabbing his robes from the end of it.

“Alright, Harry,” Ron said, grabbing Neville’s elbow and steering the shy boy out of the room. “Catch up soon, yeah?” he said as he shut the door.

“Isobel, what are you doing here?” Harry hissed at the wall as he got dressed.

“That fucking girl is in the chambers, and she wants me to kill you,” she hissed back, running into the wall again, shaking up the room enough to make things fall off shelves.

“Fine, I’m coming,” the preteen said, not sure what he could do, but he was going to put a stop to it. He put on his shoes, and went to leave, but was stopped by a whinging.

“I’m stuck,” Isobel said, piteously.

Harry came to where he thought she was and put his hands on the walls. He thought really hard and did a sort of prayer to Hogwarts. He envisioned the tunnel she was in to be larger. Big enough for her to back out. He didn’t know if it worked, but she started to work her way out and they were on their way.

Harry went to the Chamber, and down the sink tunnel. He came to the snake doors and hissed them open and was in the chamber proper. Ginny was standing in the middle of the room with a book clutched to her chest.

“Ginny?” he said, making her turn to him. “You’re not Ginny,” he said upon seeing her face. It was twisted in a sneer that was nothing he’d ever seen Ginny wear.

“No, I’m not,” the person agreed.

“You’d be Tom then?” Harry questioned, moving a bit closer. He kept his hand on his wand. Not that he thought he could do much with it, but it was comforting to have it close. He started moving around him.

“How do you know that name?” Tom asked, turning to keep him in line of sight.

“I know people,” Harry explained, still circling the person possessing his friend’s sister.

“I didn’t know the basilisk was such a gossip. I will have to speak to it about spilling my secrets,” the boy in a girl’s body said, a smirk firmly planted on her face.

“I never said it was the snake,” Harry denied, making one more circuit. He wanted to keep the boy talking. Maybe Isobel would come back and help him defeat this ghost? Spirit? Whatever it was.

“However you found out, that information will do you no good. You will die here,” Tom said, turning and calling out to the statue. “Speak to me, Slytherin, greatest of the Hogwarts Four!” he yelled. The statue opened, but nothing came out.

“Was something supposed to happen?” Harry asked, peering into the depths of the statue opening and seeing nothing there.

“Where are you, you ruddy snake!?” Tom bellowed, into the hole. Still nothing happened.

“Maybe if you were a little nicer to her, she’d answer you,” Harry suggested sweetly, leaning against a wall, and waiting for Isobel to find her way back to the Chamber. It appeared she was lost again.

“What do you know? She’s just a dumb animal,” the older teen said, from the younger girl’s body. The book clinging tighter to her chest. It wreaked of evil, and Harry was itching to yank it from her arms, but he didn’t know if he could take the boy in a fight.

Isobel finally came slithering into the room. She bumped into a pillar and said, “Ouch, dammit, who put that fucking thing in the middle of the room?” She moved further into the room and came closer to Tom.

“Don’t worry about that, you stupid snake. Kill the boy,” Tom ordered, pointing to Harry, who sidestepped and hid behind a pillar, knowing Isobel couldn’t see worth shite.

“What boy?” she hissed, whipping her head back and forth, looking for any other human in the room. She hit her head on another pillar and cussed up a storm. “Son of a bitch, that fucking hurt.”

“Stop, playing around and get the boy,” the possess girl instructed, pointing to Harry. “He’s hiding just there,” he said, walking straight at the other boy’s position.

“Oh. Hello, Harry,” Isobel said, leaning down and winking at the boy she liked. Her gaze had no effect on him.

“Hello, Isobel,” Harry replied, winking back.

“What do you mean, ‘Hello, Harry’?” Tom yelled, coming closer to the duo. “Kill him,” he ordered, all but jumping up and down in anger.

Quick as a wink, Harry snatched the diary from Ginny’s arms and thrust it into Isobel’s mouth. She bit it and crushed it with her powerful jaw. The venom corroded the diary instantly and a scream was heard coming from her mouth.

“Eww, that was fucking gross,” Isobel stated, spitting ink from her mouth. “I’ve never eaten anything so fucking vile,” she said, spitting and sticking her tongue out as if to wipe it on the floor. She when off to find water to wash out her mouth.

“Sorry,” Harry hissed as he held a very confused Ginny up. “Are you alright, Ginny?” he asked as he led her away from the giant snake, who was still cursing something fierce. The sooner he got her away from Isobel the better.

“I don’t know,” Ginny said, shaking her head as if to clear it. “I can’t seem to think,” she answered honestly. She wasn’t steady on her feet and seemed to sway to the side as she walked.

“I’ve got you,” Harry said, quickly leading her to the entrance of the bathroom. He was going to take her to the Hospital Wing. What he was going to tell them, he didn’t know. Probably that he found her wandering like this. If the adults wanted the truth out of him, they should have listened to him when he first came to them.

What Ginny told them, he didn’t know, but they never questioned his story, so he never asked her.

The months went by, and Harry and Isobel had many conversations, and he would hear her banging in the walls. There were reports of some of the game missing from the forest, and the Acromantula were long gone, much to Hagrid’s sorrow. When Dumbledore got around to asking Harry about the giant snake he saw, Harry said he’d only seen it the one time and left it at that.

And so ended Harry’s second year. He made a new, albeit interesting, friend. Sure, she had a mouth like a sailor, but she was going to be a great help in the future, he was sure of it.

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Thanks for all the reviews.

Oops, I forgot Wood was there in Harry’s third year. I went back and changed it.

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The house elf named Dobby came to thank Harry for taking care of the danger at Hogwarts, and Harry managed to find a way to free him. He had him return the diary, which he had kept, to Lucius with a sock in the book. When the man discarded the ruined book, Dobby caught it and popped away.

He immediately went to Harry, who took him as his elf. With Dobby around he wasn’t lonely at the Dursleys. That and his chores were always done. The main issue with being there was Marge was coming to visit and Harry did not want to be here.

Harry’s birthday had just passed a few days earlier. He received presents from his friends and celebrated with his elf friend quietly at midnight.

“Whys don’t yous just bes catching the Knight Bus and being going to Diagon Alley?” Dobby asked, when he whinged about it to his little friend. “Then yous don’t have to bes here when the mean lady is being here,” he said, putting an adjusted shirt in Harry’s trunk.

They had been fixing all of Dudley’s clothes to fit Harry. Waste not, want not, and all that. Harry never saw the need to spend money on a new wardrobe when he had serviceable clothes. All of his cousin’s stuff was expensive things. They were just too big.

“I can do that? What’s the Knight Bus?” Harry asked, picking up a pair of jeans and putting them on so Dobby can make them fit his frame. Dobby snapped his fingers and they shrunk to just the right size. Snug, but loose enough in all the right places.

So the elf explained magical transportation to Harry and they made plans to leave that very night. Once the lights were out, and the Dursleys were asleep, the two of them snuck out under the now teenage boy’s invisibility cloak.

Dobby could have popped him there, but where was the adventure in that?

It was a clear crisp night, with a waning moon. There was no one on the streets, and all the lights were out, but the streetlights.

They got three blocks away when Harry was bowled over by a large black stray dog. It seemed very happy to see the boy. It lay on top of him and licked his face, exuberantly. Then it seemed to recollect itself and barked happily and ran off.

“What a strange dog,” Harry said, getting up and dusting himself off. He grabbed his trunk and called the Knight Bus. Dobby made himself scarce, there was no reason to pay for a house elf that could pop himself anywhere.

The ride was terrifying. Harry was sure they were going to get caught by the muggles with the way the bus jumped the sidewalks, but they never were. When they got to the Leaky Cauldron, he was thankful to be on solid ground again. Though he did learn that the mass killer, Sirius Black, had broken out of Azkaban.

He and Dobby had a great rest of the summer in Diagon Alley. Harry got to spend a lot of money on things he did and didn’t need. Like new robes, school supplies, and Chocolate Card Frogs, and other assorted candies and foodstuff. Dobby did keep him from being overly exuberant. He really didn’t need two brooms anyway.

Ron and Hermione joined him at the Leaky, right before school started and they got their school supplies. Well, just the books for Harry. Hermione got a pet, a half-kneazle named Crookshanks, and Ron got tonic for his rat. Harry wondered if there was anything he could get Isobel. He didn’t think they made glasses for basilisk.

Then he had an epiphany.

“Dobby,” he called right before bed the night before he was due back at Hogwarts. When the elf popped in, he said, “Can you go to a charity shop and go to the glasses bin and grab a hand full of spectacles? Leave some money at the till.” He reached into his trunk and pulled out some five-pound notes. He figured twenty pounds would be enough, and if it was too much, well, it was charity, wasn’t it.

“Dobby can,” Dobby said, looking confused for a minute. Then his confusion cleared up as he read his master’s wishes, much like reading his mind. He took the muggle money and popped away. Around ten minutes later, he popped back in with fifteen pairs of glasses in his hands. “Dobby is getting many different kinds,” he said, pleased with himself.

“Great, Dobby. Put them in my trunk, please,” Harry said, pleased with the acquisition. Maybe those will help Isobel. He just had to figure out how to get them to stick to her magically resistant scales. “Goodnight, Dobby,” he stated with a yawn.

“Goodnight, Master Harry,” Dobby said, snapping his fingers causing the candles to snuff out. He then popped away to where he slept.

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After almost missing the train, they were finally safely in a compartment. Ron and Hermione were arguing quietly over their pets of all things. They didn’t want to wake the sleeping teacher. Harry was just thinking that his pet would eat both of theirs and that would solve both arguments.

The train slowed down and stopped, and it got cold. The lights went out and Neville and Ginny came into the compartment. There was growing concern from everyone. The professor woke up and bid them to be silent, while making a flame in his hand.

That’s when the dementor came in. Harry remembered hearing a woman scream and then passing out. He woke up feeling like a fool, but with everyone worried about him. He was very embarrassed, not even shy Neville fainted.

They made it to school and Harry was further humiliated by being pulled aside by the nurse. He finally made it to the feast and sat next to Ron. He was going to visit Isobel the first chance he got. He was going to see if she could eat the dementors. Especially, when Dumbledore announced that they were stationed around the school.

That night, when everyone was asleep, he snuck out under his invisibility cloak to Myrtle’s bathroom. He’d learned her name last year when Isobel said she had killed her. Thank Merlin she wasn’t there. Down the sink, through the door, and into the chamber. “Isobel?” he hissed, looking around for the snake.

A loud thump was heard and a crash as the basilisk came around the corner from where she had been napping. “Mother fucking son of a bitch,” came the docile tones he remembered. “Harry, you sorry son of a whore, it’s about time you showed back up,” she said, coming into view. She slammed into a pillar and shook her head to clear it. She moved closer and ran into Harry, knocking him down.

“Ouch,” Harry said, then switched to parseltongue. “Is your eyesight worse?” he asked, calling Dobby to him.

Dobby popped in, saw the eyes of the basilisk, and then was promptly petrified.

“Dammit,” Harry said, picking up his friend and moving him away from the snake’s eye line.

“I don’t think it’s worse,” Isobel stated as she moved and rammed her head into the same pillar. “Okay, maybe a little,” she conceded.

They only had to wait ten minutes until Dobby was okay. “I is being sorry,” Dobby cried as he came too.

“It’s alright, Dobby. It wasn’t your fault,” Harry said, going to his friend. “Can you go and get the glasses I had you get?” he asked the little guy.

Dobby disappeared and reappeared seconds later with a sack full of spectacles. He promptly was petrified again.

“Shite,” Harry said, taking the sack and moving Dobby once again. “That’s going to be a problem. Will your vision turn deadly if we fix it?” he asked Isobel.

“Yes,” she said, moving away from the house elf further.

“I don’t want that to happen. Is there any way to prevent that?” the teenager asked, rummaging through the sack, and pulling out the first pair of glasses. He took his glasses off and peered through this pair. He could sort of see through these and figured they might work for her. He put his back on and put the other pair on the ground and enlarged them with his wand.

“I have a second eyelid, I can bloody well control which bitches I kill,” she said, a hint of pride in her voice.

Harry levitated the glasses up and held them in front of her eyes. The problem was they were shaped for human eyes. So, he set about reshaping them to curve to her face. They elongated and smoothed out. “How’s that?” he asked, placing them on her face.

“I can see better, but not very far away,” she stated, then the glasses slid down her face and to her mouth. They then started melting as the acid of her venom came in contact with them.

“That’s going to be an issue,” Harry said with a sigh. He took them off her and banished them. He did the shaping with the next pair, only this time added a strap to the arms so they would stay secure on her head. That worked a little better, but they slid backwards since she really didn’t have a defined head.

They finally found a pair that worked relatively well. Dobby had woken up by this time and was keeping his distance.

“Dobby is thinking Spellotape will be working. I will go and get some,” he said eagerly. He seemed very much like he wanted to be gone. He reappeared and this time far away from his master. “Dobby has it,” he called to Harry.

“Great,” Harry said, jogging to where the elf was. He took the tape and went to Isobel and used copious amounts to hold the spectacles to her head.

“That fucking itches,” she said, though she was marveling at the improved eyesight. She looked to where Dobby was and instantly petrified him.

“Dammit, Isobel, why did you bloody well do that?” Harry said, going to Dobby and moving him behind a pillar.

“Because I fucking can,” she stated, not the least bit regretful. “At least I didn’t kill him. Besides, I need to see how long it lasts,” she added, a note of wistfulness in her tone.

“Do you think you’re getting weaker with age?” Harry asked curiously. He came back to her and laid a hand on her scales.

“I’m over a thousand fucking years old. Of course, I’m getting weaker with age,” she said with a sigh. “I think that last girl was my last death victim,” she sobbed, like it was the end of the world.

“No, you still have your venom,” Harry said, trying to appease her.

She just continued sobbing and Harry continued trying to cheer her up. Fifteen minutes later Dobby was okay, making Isobel sob harder. Her glasses fogged up, which didn’t help her disposition. Dobby cleared them up with a click of his fingers, and the two non-snakes left.

Harry returned every day to cheer his friend up, and it was working, now that she wasn’t running into walls. She had taken to following him in the halls between classes. Her commentary about the students was hilarious.

“I have a mass killer after me. They’ve posted dementors around the school,” Harry said a week later, finally getting around to telling her.

She whipped her head around and smashed her nose against the wall. “Shite,” she said, “You mean to tell me, that they put those Merlin bedamned demons around a school full of children?” she ranted, her eyes narrowed to slits.

“Yes,” he said, rubbing her aching nose.

“I’ll fucking kill them all. I’ll just swallow them up and shite them out one by one,” she swore, moving around the room and swaying back and forth in agitation. “I’ll eat their entrails and wear them for garters,” she continued, making more and more colorful threats.

“Can you eat a dementor?” Harry asked, hoping she could. That would solve a lot of problems.

“No, they can fly out of my reach,” she said with a sad sigh. “But I can kill them with my gaze,” she said, perking up, then deflated again. “Well, I used to be able to.”

“You can still petrify them,” he said, patting her coils in a consolatory manner.  

“Yeah, but not for long,” she said, sighing again. She wasn’t getting over getting old.

“Think of it as a prank. It’ll scare the bejesus out of them,” the teen said, getting excited over the prospect of doing that to the demons. “You can go and do it to them nightly. Just sneak up on them and ‘wham’, they are all just floating there petrified.” He started giggling at the thought of the scary dementors just hanging there in midair doing nothing.

“I can do that,” Isobel agreed, perking up a bit at the thought of that. They planned it a bit more, then Harry had to leave.

The next morning, Dumbledore stood and addressed the student body. “The dementors were found petrified this morning. I do not know who is pranking them, but it is very dangerous, and I beg you to cease and desist,” he said solemnly, looking over his half-moon glasses like they should all know better. “These are very deadly creatures that will retaliate,” he persisted, looking at all the confused faces, trying to ascertain who the culprit was.

Everyone was looking at their neighbor, whispering about who would be stupid enough to go near a dementor. Even Harry didn’t bat an eyelash in guilt. He was whispering to Ron that it might be the twins. The twins were looking at Harry, since Michael Corner had been found that way last year and Harry had been the one who found him.

“Very well then,” the old man said, sighing in resignation. “You would do well in heeding my words,” he stated and sat down on his throne.

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Isobel didn’t heed the old man’s words and the dementors were petrified every night. Because of that, they stayed far away from Hogwarts. They never ventured near any part of the school, not even the quidditch pitch. The students felt a lot safer.

Unfortunately, that let one Sirius Black into the castle sooner than he thought he could get in. He was roaming the halls of the school, trying to figure out a way to get into the Gryffindor dorms when he ran into the giant bloody snake.

‘Is it wearing glasses?’ was his thought before he was instantly petrified.

“Harry,” came the hissing voice of Isobel, waking Harry from a sound sleep. “Wake the fuck up,” she persisted.

“What?” he asked, groggily, grabbing his glasses.

“I just petrified a fucking dog. I don’t want to eat it because it bloody well smells like you,” she said, moving away from the dorms. “I didn’t know you owned a fucking dog,” she stated, upset that he had yet another animal besides the owl.

“I’m coming,” Harry said, sleepily getting out of bed and slipping on his slippers. He was confused because he didn’t own a dog.

“This way,” Isobel said, moving along and careening down the pipes. She still bumped into the walls, but not near as often as she had before.

There in the middle of the hall was a dog with one foot up like it had been about ready to run.

“I do know this dog,” Harry said, circling the mutt. “It jumped me before I got on the Knight Bus.” He wondered what the dog was doing at Hogwarts. There was a niggling at the back of his brain, like he should know this dog from a long time ago.

“Do you want me to eat it?” Isobel asked, sticking her tongue out to sniff it.

“No, I think there’s more to it than I know. Let’s get it to the Chamber,” the teen said, grabbing the head and dragging it along. Just then the petrification wore off and the dog started struggling. Isobel looked at it again and it went stonelike. “Thanks.”

It took a lot of shoving and pushing, and a few more petrifications, but they took the dog to the Chamber of Secrets. There they waited for it to come to. Isobel made sure to stay out of range, which was considerable now, and she did have more control with her glasses.

The dog woke up, for lack of a better description, and turned into a man.

“Ack, Sirius Black!” Harry yelled, running, and hiding behind Isobel.

“Wait!” Sirius yelled back, jumping, and hiding behind a pillar. “I’m innocent!” he shouted, waving his hands out from both sides of the post. “Please, don’t eat me!” he cried, desperation in his tone.

“How do we know that?” Harry asked, from his safe place in Isobel’s coils.

She was hissing up a storm. “If you hurt my friend I’ll eat you, you sorry piece of shite. Your dead grandfather will feel what I do to you,” she hissed as she sat curled around Harry.  

“I knew your parents, and you as a baby. I’m your godfather. I would never hurt you, I swear on my magic and my life,” Sirius said, panic laced his voice. He was still waving his hands in a ‘please don’t hurt me’ gesture.

“Why are you in the school, if you’re not here to hurt me?” the teen asked, peeking his head above the snake’s body. He truly wanted to believe the man. He desperately wanted family that wasn’t the Dursleys.

“The rat. I’m after the rat,” the ragged man said, calming down from fear to anger. “He’s the one that betrayed your family and I’m here to kill him,” he claimed, lowering his arms, but staying behind the pillar. He turned his back to it and leaned against it.

“What rat?” Harry asked, feeling a sense of dread. He only knew one rat, and that was his best friend’s pet.

“The redhead boy’s,” the criminal said, confirming Harry’s fear. “It’s missing a toe. The only thing they found of Peter was a finger. Peter can turn into a rat. He disappeared into the sewers after blowing up the street. I swear I didn’t kill anyone,” Sirius rambled, going a bit incoherent.  

“If you’re innocent, then you can’t kill the rat. You’ll need him to prove your innocence,” the teen said in a logical tone. “I’ll get the rat, and get it to the proper authorities,” he swore.

“Can I fucking eat the rat?” Isobel asked, peering at Harry like she wanted to eat something.

“No, I need it to get my godfather free. I’m going to leave him down here, so he doesn’t get into trouble. Try not to kill him,” Harry said, patting her coils and moving out into the open. “You can come out now,” he told Sirius.

“You’re a parselmouth?” the dogman asked, not moving from behind the pillar. He wasn’t sure what to think about that. Neither James nor Lily were parselmouths.

“I am,” the boy confirmed, wondering how the man was going to react.

“Is your basilisk going to kill me?” the other man asked, still keeping hidden. He was just going to have to accept it.

“No,” was all the answer he got.

Sirius took a deep breath and stepped from behind the pillar and was promptly petrified.

“Isobel!” Harry shouted, looking at his unrepenting snake.

“Oops,” she hissed, unconvincingly.

Harry just sighed and waited for it to wear off. When Sirius recovered, they sat and talked. It took around a half an hour to hash out what to do, and Sirius wasn’t completely onboard with the entire plan.

“What do you mean, I have to stay in these chambers? How will I eat?” the dogman asked, affronted at being told what to do by a kid. He was the adult, after all.

Isobel froze him again.

Harry called Dobby and asked him to keep Sirius fed and went back to bed. It was going on three in the morning. He was going to be dog tired in classes as it was.

The next day, the students of Hogwarts were convinced that Sirius Black was dead and haunting the school. Why? Because his voice was heard in the Hall arguing with nothing.

“Go that way, you ruddy snake,” was heard to be said. Then a great thumping. “I swear when I find that godson of mine, I’m going to tan his hide,” was something else heard. “No, don’t turn there. Go that way.”

Harry heard, “Why did I let this motherfucker on my back? Listen to me, you ignoramus, Harry is my friend. He is not going to fucking let you out. I can’t fucking believe I’m doing this shite.” And other such things.

No more was heard after that, and it was soon forgotten. Harry went to the Chamber later that night, with the rat in hand. Well, in a cage. He felt bad for Ron and promised himself that he’d buy him a new pet for Christmas, or rather Yule.

“What do we do with him?” he asked the two occupants.

“Kill him,” they both said.

“I can’t do that,” Harry said with a sigh.

Isobel looked at the rat and it froze.

“Damn, fucking shite,” she hissed, banging her head against the wall. “I can’t even kill a bloody rat,” she cried, still abusing her head.

“That’s a good thing in this case,” Harry said, petting her behind the eyes, mindful of her glasses. He scratched around the Spellotape. He knew it itched there. “Who do I turn him in to?” he asked Sirius.

“I don’t know. I’ve been in prison for twelve years,” the ex-con said, scratching his unkempt beard.

“Dobby,” Harry called and waited for the elf to show.

Dobby popped in far away from Harry. “What can Dobby bes doing for Harry Potter, sir?”

“I need to turn this rat in to the proper authorities, but I don’t know who that is,” the teen explained. “Oh, and can you get some grooming gear for Sirius? He looks like a convict,” he asked, looking at the deranged appearing man.

“Dobby is thinking that Amelia Bones is being who yous is needing to be writing,” the elf said, tapping his chin in thought and then smiled and snapped his fingers and a grooming kit appeared at Sirius’ feet. “I is being waiting for yous to be asking,” he explained.

“Thanks, Dobby,” Sirius said, picking up the kit and moving away to use it.

“Get him some clothes too, Dobby, please,” Harry said, going to an alcove in the wall and placing the cage there. “Can you bring me some writing utensils?” he asked, dreading having to write a formal letter, but needs must.

“Dobby will,” the elf said and popped away.

Parchment, ink, and quills appeared at Harry’s feet, and he sat and started writing. When he was done, he had Dobby take the letter and cage to Amelia Bones.

Sirius was presentable again; he was also frozen. He said something to piss off Isobel. He did that a lot.

“What did he do this time?” Harry asked, tapping his statued godfather.

“He made fun of my fucking glasses,” she sniffed, narrowing her eyes at the man as if to set him on fire with her gaze.

“Well, I like your glasses,” the boy said, petting her nose.

“Thank you, Harry,” she said, curling around him in a facsimile of a hug. She squeezed a bit, but not too much.

“I have to go. Ron and Hermione are getting tetchy about how much time I’m spending away from them.” He hugged her body as well as he could and moved to the tunnel that led to the bathroom. It was the only exit, besides the one to the forest, which they hadn’t shown the dogman yet. He had long ago learned to call up stairs. As he climbed them, Sirius unfroze and begged to be let out.

“Come on, Harry, let me out,” he pleaded, scrambling up the stairs after his godson.

“No. As long as you are a wanted man, you’re safer here,” the boy said, stopping before the exit but not opening it. “If all goes as planned, you’ll only be here a few more days,” he added, tapping his hand on his leg in frustration.

“I’ll be in my dog form,” Sirius stated, his eyes in puppy-dog form.

“Which you told me Professor Lupin knows,” Harry pointed out. He looked behind Sirius, causing the other man to turn and freeze. “Thanks, Isobel,” he said, and exited the Chamber.

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A few days later, it was the full moon and Isobel once again woke Harry. He went to the Chamber to see what was bothering her.

“That fucking mutt of yours ran off into the forest,” she bitched, moving to that exit.

“What? Why would he do that?” Harry asked, riding on her head.

“He heard a werewolf howl and said something about a Moony and took off towards the sound,” she explained, moving swiftly through the trees trying to find the two canines before the dementors did. There was a howl to the right, so they turned and went in that direction. Isobel saw them first and petrified the werewolf before it could hurt Harry.

“What did she do that for?” Sirius asked, turning back to his human form.

“So he didn’t hurt me. Come on, let’s get him back to the Chamber,” Harry said, casting a levitation charm on the frozen werewolf.

“I can’t believe that senile old shriveled up pecker is hiring werewolves to teach now,” the basilisk was hissing as Sirius climbed behind Harry. “I’m going to petrify his prick right off his body, and make him eat it,” she promised, making more threats as they continued back to the chamber.

Harry kept Lupin dangling in front of her, so every time he revived, he’d see her and freeze again.

The dementors kept well out of her range, knowing they would be frozen if they tried anything. They did circle the group the entire way back though. Harry thought he really needed to learn the Patronus Charm.

“Why not just leave us out in the woods?” Sirius wanted to know. He’d been having a great time, running around with his old friend. It had been like old times.

“Because of the dementors and the students like the Weasley twins,” Harry explained as they finally got into the Chamber proper, putting Remus down in a position where he was always in Isobel’s line of sight. “Those two would sneak into the woods to see a werewolf,” he stated, knowing they had no self-preservation.

“Oh,” the dogman said, sliding off Isobel and making sure to divert his eyes. At least he knew a way out of this chamber now. He wasn’t stuck here.

“Sirius, seriously, you need to stay here for a few more days. Is it really that hard?” Harry said to his difficult godfather.

“No, I guess not,” the man said, slumping his shoulders in defeat. He really didn’t want to be frozen again. He knew the ruddy snake would do it to.

“Good. I’m going back to bed,” Harry said, petting Isobel as he passed her. “Goodnight,” he hissed at her.

“Do you want me to keep the werewolf frozen all night?” she asked, zapping him again when he stirred.

“Nah, let them run the pipes,” Harry suggested, a creepy smile played his lips. That would set the kneazle among the nifflers.

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The next morning there was gossip about a new poltergeist. There was moaning and howling heard throughout the whole school last night, along with the barking of a dog, of all things. It was the talk of the student body and staff alike. No one had slept well during the night the noise was just too much. Well, Harry slept like a log, and so had a few others, but most had been woken by the racket.

The newspaper came and Peter Pettigrew’s picture was plastered across the front page. The article claimed that he was still alive and guilty of all the crimes that Sirius Black had been imprisoned for. There was talk of exonerating Sirius, but there needed to be a trial for Pettigrew first. That would take a few days.

Harry was shocked, trials took months, if not years, to happen in the muggle world. Magic moved things along a lot faster.

Remus was sitting at the staff table looking confused and wary. He kept glancing at Harry, which the boy was ignoring. When breakfast was over, the professor came to the table and said, “Mr. Potter, can I speak to you a moment?”

“Of course, Professor,” Harry said, gathering up his bookbag and joining the man at the doors.

They walked to the DADA classroom and Remus closed the door. “What the fuck happened last night?” he said uncharacteristically.

“What do you mean?” Harry asked, a bit of laughter in his tone. He could hear Isobel in the walls listening in. He wondered if Padfoot was there too.

“Why did I wake up in the Chamber of Secrets? Why was I with Sirius Black? Why was there a basilisk? How am I still alive? And why did Sirius say I had to ask you about it all?” the man rambled all his questions out at once.

“I took you there to protect the students. He’s innocent. She lives there. She’s harmless. It’s a secret,” Harry said in order, ticking them off on his fingers.

“I’ll show you fucking harmless,” came Isobel’s voice as the room rattled. She slammed her body against the walls. “I’m the deadliest fucking snake in the world,” she said, anger in her tone. “One drop of my venom and your fucking dead.”

“Merlin be damn it, Isobel, stop that,” Sirius could be heard saying.

“What?” Remus said, twirling around the room looking for Sirius and what caused the vibrations.

“They’re in the walls,” Harry said, pinching his nose in annoyance.

“Oh,” was all the werewolf could say to that.

“Go back to the chamber,” Harry called to the walls, using English.

“I’m fucking angry with you, you bastard. Don’t go around telling people I’m fucking harmless,” Isobel said, though she did start slithering off.

He was going to have to make it up to her. He turned back to Remus. “Even if you are taking Wolfsbane, you are still a danger to the students. I know two that roam the forest at night,” he said, rubbing his hand down his face. “I thought you locked yourself up there?” he questioned, waving to the office door.

“I usually do, but last night I felt like running for some reason,” the professor confessed with a sheepish expression.

“Nevertheless, that is why I brought you to the Chamber,” Harry said, not willing to debate the idiocy of such a move.

“Thank you,” Remus stated, glad he had.

“Can you teach me the Patronus?” the teen asked, changing the subject.

“I can,” was the answer, and they discussed the where’s and when’s of those lessons. Harry left feeling accomplished and went to talk to Isobel. He explained why he said what he said, and she accepted it and they moved on.

“Harry, see if you can shrink Isobel,” Sirius said, one day as they were waiting for his exoneration.

“What? Why?” the teen asked, taking out his wand and pointing it at the basilisk.

“So you can take her with you when you go back to the muggles,” his godfather said, picking up a rock and tossing it aside.

“Aren’t you taking me home?” Harry asked, lowering his wand.

“I’ll probably have to do a whole battery of tests first. It’ll be months before I’m cleared. Once that’s done, I’ll come and get you straightaway,” Sirius promised.

Harry slumped his shoulders but aimed his wand at Isobel and stopped. “Isobel, is it okay if I try to shrink you?” he asked, not wanting to cast magic on her without her permission.

“It won’t work. My scales are magic resistant,” she said, sadly. She really wanted to see the world with Harry. That and she wanted to pay back his relatives for their harsh treatment of her friend.

“Let me try,” Harry insisted, raising his wand again. He flicked and swished and flicked again and called out “Reducio.” Nothing happened, so he tried it again, this time in parseltongue.

Isobel shrunk down to about six feet long, her glasses shrunk with her. “Yes, watch out motherfuckers, Isobel is coming for you,” she hissed as she wound her way up Harry’s body.

Harry staggered under her weight, and he tried to shove her off. “You’re too heavy,” he complained, giving her a push.

“Are you fucking calling me fat?” she asked, in a tone all women used with that question.

“Yes,” he foolishly said.

While the two of them argued, Sirius cheered and jumped up and down with excitement. Now his godson had some protection besides a house elf. Sure, she could only stun and petrify, but it was better then nothing.

It came to pass, that Sirius was freed and did have to submit to St. Mungo’s for treatment in order to get custody of Harry. Harry learned the Patronus Charm and he got Ron an owl for Yule. When the end of the year came, he returned to the Dursley’s with Isobel and Dobby in tow. It was going to be an interesting summer.

Chapter Text

Thanks for all the reviews.

Someone suggested that Isobel might be a self-insert. That is funny as fuck. I am old, and I do cuss, and I am near-sighted. But not near to the degree as Isobel in all categories. That and she’s much more outgoing than I am. Still, that was a funny review.

Most of your reviews bring a smile to my face. They are the only payment I get.

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The Dursleys were idiots. There was no denying that. They were still under the belief that Harry was cowed into not using his magic around them. It was easy getting his snake in. Harry simply snuck Isobel in in his trunk. He had Dobby pop it up to his room, after they had locked it in the cupboard, unlocked it, and let her out.

“Don’t you ever lock me in a fucking trunk again, motherfucker,” she hissed, coming out of the trunk. It had been quite cramped in there for her still rather large form. She wound her way up his body and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Next time, I’ll just have Dobby pop you in,” Harry said, scratching her behind her eyes. He had had Sirius put a feather-light charm on her, so now she could coil up on his body without weighing him down.

“You’d better, you arsehole,” she said, closing her eyes in bliss. “So, do I get to kill your relatives?” she asked, after a few more minutes of his scratching. That Spellotape really was itchy.

“No, but you do get to petrify them to your heart’s content, and you can scare them whenever you wish,” Harry said, lifting her off his shoulder and unwinding her from his person. He sat her on the bed and started getting ready for sleep. He called for Dobby, just as Hedwig flew in the window.

Isobel waited until the owl roosted on her perch and then froze her. “Bitch,” she hissed, hatred in her tone.

“Isobel!” Harry chastised, not knowing what got into his snake. He was blindsided by this hatred she was exhibiting.

“What? She’s a pretentious bitch. Always parading that she was your first familiar,” the snake said, like Hedwig could talk to her.

“She does not, and you know it. Stop that,” Harry demanded, taking Hedwig, and relocating her to where Isobel couldn’t hurt her. Not that there really was any place in this tiny room, but he put her as far away as he could.

“Fine, I’ll leave the fucking bitch alone,” Isobel stated, putting her head on her coils, and closing her eyes. She could still dream of freezing the bitchy owl.

“Did Master Harry need Dobby?” the elf asked, not wanting to get between the two feuding familiars.

“Yeah, can you conjure me a snake tree for Isobel. It’ll have to be a big one,” Harry asked the elf, gesturing to the only blank area in his room. It would be a tight squeeze, but he was sure Dobby would make it happen. Maybe if it hung over the bed?

Dobby did it one better. He enlarged the room to double its size. Then he conjured a snake tree with a tiny artificial sun on the top branch. “There yous bes going, Master Harry,” he said, puffing out his chest.

“This is great, Dobby. Now we all have room,” Harry said, getting down to Dobby’s level and hugging him. He then moved Hedwig to a place further away, but near the window so she could go hunt. Her perch was then cleaned, and he made sure she had food and water. She barked and nipped his fingers, having defrosted from Isobel’s stare.

“Bitch,” hissed Isobel, glaring at the owl, but not freezing her, like she promised.

“Behave,” Harry said, coming up to her and putting her on the snake tree. She settled in and got comfortable under the tiny sun.

“That feels fucking fantastic,” she said, soaking up the rays for the first time in her life. She could so get used to this.

So, the four of them slept well that night.

It was Petunia’s shrieks that woke them all the next morning.

Isobel automatically petrified her, and they went back to sleep.

Twenty minutes later, she unfroze and started screeching again and Isobel immobilized her again.

This went on until Vernon woke up two hours later.

“Boy, what are you doing to your aunt?” the walrus demanded, coming down the hall. “Petunia!” he yelled seeing his petrified wife. “I’ll kill you, you useless freak.” He tried to squeeze past his wife, but he was too fat. He didn’t want to pick her up, he might break her.

“Who are you calling a freak, you fucking waste of air? I’ll fucking kill you, you bastard,” Isobel said, slithering off her tree and going to the hall and freezing him too.

“Isobel!” Harry shouted, not wanting her to make good on her threat. “No killing,” he said, jumping out of bed. He was just in time; she was about to take a bite out of Vernon’s foot.

“Why?” she asked, retracting her mouth. “He’s a fucking useless waste of human flesh. After all he’s done to you, he deserves to fucken die,” she added, once more going to take a bite.

“They’ll kill you if you kill him,” Harry said, tears in his voice. “I don’t want you dead,” he stated, forcefully.

“Fine,” she said, then added to herself, “I’ll wait until we bloody well leave. Then this fat fucker is mine.”

“What did you do to my house?” Petunia screamed as she came to once again.

Isobel froze her again.

This continued throughout the morning. Harry cooked breakfast and ate it in silence, and the Dursleys never left the first floor. They kept getting immobilized by Isobel because they never stopped shouting at Harry. It took until dinner for them to learn.

“Are you going to stop yelling at me now?” Harry asked the three idiots.

They all nodded mutinously. They were sitting at the table in the dining room, still in their bed clothes.

“Okay. This is Isobel. She’s a magical snake, as you might have guessed. She is also very deadly. One bite, and you’re dead. Her gaze will petrify you, as you found out this morning. Yes, even if you take her glasses off,” he said, glaring at Dudley, who had made fun of Isobel’s glasses, like a fool.

Dudley snickered and tried to cover it up with his fat hand. But it was just too funny.

“Are you threatening us, boy?” Vernon asked, sitting up to his full height.

“Yes, yes, I am,” Harry said, a serious look on his face. He called Dobby. “This is Dobby. He’s a house elf. He will be making sure I am fed, and he is also protection from you,” he said, putting a hand on the elf’s shoulder.

“Yous will not be hurting Harry Potter,” Dobby said in his squeaky voice, giving them the stink-eye.

Dudley couldn’t help it, he burst out laughing. “Your protection is a snake with glasses and a tiny gnome?” He doubled over with guffaws.

“Dobby, wash Dudley’s mouth out with soap,” Harry suggested, a smirk on his face.

“You leave my Dudley alone,” Petunia screeked, diving across the table as if to save her child from the magic about to be imposed on him.

Suddenly a mass quantity of bubbles came spewing from Dudley’s mouth and he started tearing up from the taste of bitter soap. He was gagging from the taste and the amount of soap in his mouth. He tried calling for his mum, but there was just too much foam in there. Tears welled up in his beady eyes and he started crying. He’d never been punished a day in his life, and he wasn’t liking it now.

“Duddikins,” Petunia screamed, clasping her fat son to her bosom. “Mummy is here,” she said, like it would help him endure.

“Here’s how it’s going to work,” Harry said, not the least bit impressed with the mother/son dynamic. “I’m going to just do what I want, and you’re going to let me.” He smiled and got up from the table and left.

And that’s how the first half of his summer went. The Dursleys would try to stop him from doing what he wanted, and he had Isobel or Dobby set them straight. Then Sirius came and got him, and all was better.

If Isobel bit Vernon a tiny bit on the way out without Harry knowing, well that was okay too. It was only a nick by his thumbnail and couldn’t be traced back to her. She’d done it while the bastard was asleep, and it’ll look like he died of a heart attack. Even if they did say it was poison, her venom was unknown in the muggle world. Harry never needed to know.

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Living with Sirius was an experience. He was a prankster, so it wasn’t unusual to find oneself waking up with different colored hair or skin. Remus also lived there, and he too was a prankster, but he was far more subtle. Harry wasn’t a prankster; he was just a vengeful person. He would leave those two restrained for hours if they pranked him.

“Come on, pup, can’t you take a joke?” Sirius asked, after he woke up from an hour-long petrification.

“No, and don’t call me ‘pup’. I’m not a kid,” Harry said, eating his ham sandwich. Dobby and Kreacher were fighting over who was to serve Harry. Dobby said it was his job, while Kreacher said it was his house.

Isobel was wrapped around Harry’s shoulder, but had her inner eyelid closed so she didn’t freeze anyone. She was just observing everything. She had been having a great time going through Grimmuald Place and eating all the pests. She especially like the doxies. They were very tasty. Something about the dark magic of the house gave them an extra robust flavor.

“Come on, why can’t I call you ‘pup’? It’s been my nickname for you since you were a baby,” Sirius whinged. He did that a lot.

“Exactly,” Harry said, taking another bite. “I’m not a baby anymore,” he stated, putting the sandwich down and drinking the fizzy drink he’d had Dobby buy. All Sirius stocked was butterbeer and firewhiskey.

“To change the subject,” Remus said, already done listening to Sirius whinge, “are we going to the Quidditch World Cup?” he asked, taking his third roast beef sandwich off the plate. It had been a full moon the night before. He was starving.

“You bet,” Sirius said, bouncing like a kid. “I’ve got us box seats. The Minister is still trying to butter me up for their faux pas.” The government had been bending over backwards to prevent him from suing their arses. So far, it had been working. He was getting more out of them this way anyway.

“Good news for us,” Harry said, wondering if he could sneak Isobel in. He did have his invisibility cloak, that might work.

They planned the trip for an hour, with Harry mentally adding his own additions. When the time came, they all woke up at the butt-crack of dawn and were soon at the campgrounds. There were people everywhere.

Isobel was having fun freezing random people. She was scaring the bejesus out of the crowd, who thought there was someone cursing them. However, when the turning into stone wore off, they brushed it off as a bad prank.

“Isobel, you’re going to get me in trouble,” Harry hissed, when they made it to the tent, which Remus had erected.

“How? No one fucking knows about me,” she said, from her perch on his shoulder, her body wound around his torso. She was wrapped in the invisibility cloak, like a blanket.  

“Sooner or later, someone is going to put it together that I’m always around when petrification happens,” he insisted, cracking his neck in frustration.

“Oh, is that bloody all. well, I can fucken take care of that,” she hissed and slithered off his shoulders, out from under the invisibility cloak, and out the tent.

“Wait!” he called after her. He picked up the cloak and rushed out of the tent to find his unruly snake. She was good at hiding though. It was a good thing she was, or she’d have been caught. Still, all he had to do was follow the frozen people. Dammit, she was pissed.

Unfortunately, she was too fast for him. He went back to the tent and waited for her to return, which she did. He scolded her, she told him to fuck off, and all was right with the world.

The Weasleys and Hermione came a few days later, and a nice reunion was had.

Isobel was regulated to the room. She was not a happy snake. She snuck out the window and continued to petrify people at the campgrounds. That made her deliriously happy. Alas, she was spotted, though no one believed the person that there was a basilisk with glasses running around. That was just too weird for words. Even for the wizarding world.

The game came and Harry reluctantly let her ride on his shoulders. She promised to behave. The only person she froze was the guy under the invisibility cloak that tried to steal Harry’s wand. When he went for Ron’s instead, she let him.

The party, after Ireland won, was huge. The kids went to bed early only to be woken by anxious adults.

“Harry, get up,” Sirius said, shaking him frantically.

“What?” he said, reaching for his glasses.

“Death Eaters,” the dogman said, handing him his wand. “Get Isobel and head for the woods.”

“What’s a Death Eater?” Harry asked, slipping on his shoes.

“Voldy’s lackies,” was the quick explanation.

“I’ll kill them. Show me these motherfuckers and I’ll bite them dead,” Isobel said, swishing her head back and forth as if searching for the enemy.

“Calm down,” Harry said, going to her and casting the feather-light charm. He lifted her and put her on his shoulders. “You need to protect me,” he stated, going to the door and out the tent.

“If anyone comes near you, they’ll be in my belly. Unshrink me,” she said, slithering down his body and on to the ground.

“If I do that, everyone will see you,” Harry protested, looking around to see if anyone was paying attention to him. They weren’t. They were all running away from him and the campgrounds.

“In order to protect you, I need to be bigger,” she said, swaying from side to side.

He shrugged, hoping she knew what she was doing. He unshrunk her to her normal size and then climbed on her back. She took off like a bat out of hell and headed straight for the Death Eaters. Once she got there, she petrified them all.

Harry saw the muggles fall and caught them with a levitation spell. Well, he caught the kids, and someone else got the adults.

“Get out of here!” Sirius yelled, waving wildly. “Now!” he roared; desperation laced his tone.

Harry whipped out his invisibility cloak and Isobel took off again. They only hoped the darkness of the night had masked Harry’s identity.

It hadn’t.

The next day it was all over the papers that Harry Potter and his pet basilisk saved the people of the campground. Though they hadn’t stopped the Dark Mark from showing in the sky. It sparked the rumors of those stupid books all over again.

When Harry heard about Winky, he had Dobby find her and offered her a home. There was always work to be done at Grimmuald Place. If not, then Harry would find something for them to do.  

“Well, shite,” Harry said, reading the paper a week later. The story still hadn’t died down. They were calling for him to come and talk to the public and prove that he had control of his snake. There were some calling for the basilisk to be put to death, but Harry had her hidden well. Well, she was shrunken again, and no one expected that.

Sirius, as his guardian, said that the basilisk was harmless as long as Harry was around. That Harry was disinclined to speak to the public, as he was very shy. The public ate it up and life moved on.

Now it was time for school, and Harry snuck onto the train under his cloak and hid in a compartment with the door locked. A little blonde girl came in, somehow unlocking the door, and sat near the entrance. She grabbed Neville when he walked by, he seemed confused but sat. He flagged Ron and Hermione, and soon the compartment was full.

“Where’s Harry?” Ron asked, miffed that the boy wonder hadn’t been seen since the World Cup.

“Right here,” Harry said, taking off his cloak. There were a few gasps of surprise, but most were happy to see him.

“Where’s your slimy snake?” the redhead asked, only to be promptly frozen.

“Right here, you bloody arsehole,” Isobel hissed, coming from under Harry’s robes.

“She doesn’t like to be called slimy,” Harry said with a shrug.

“How are we not dead?” Hermione wanted to know, scooching away from the deadliest snake in the world.

“She has a second eyelid,” Harry said, scratching Isobel’s head. They had taken her glasses off, not wanting people to make fun of her. Now she was going by smelling and hearing. She would stay on Harry’s shoulders as much as possible.

“I think she’s lovely,” the blond said, reaching over and scratching Isobel under the chin. Not the least bit afraid.

“And you are?” Hermione asked a bit imperiously.

“Oh, I’m Luna Lovegood,” she said, still giving loving’s to the snake. “I am going to be a good friend to Harry Potter.” She stated this like it was a foregone conclusion.

“You can’t just make positive statements like that. What if he doesn’t like you?” Hermione said with a huff.

“You don’t get to put words like that into my mouth,” Harry snapped, giving her a firm look. Then he looked at Luna. “I’d love to be friends with you, Luna.” He smiled at the quirky girl and had a feeling they would be close.

Just then Ron woke up. “You’re ruddy snake froze me,” he said, pointing an accusing finger at Harry, only to be petrified again, finger still in the air.

“Isobel,” Harry hissed, making quite a few of the occupants of the compartment shiver, thumping her softly on the head.

“What? He’s a fucking prat,” she said, not the least bit repentant.

“He’s my friend, and I’ll thank you to leave him alone,” Harry stated, glaring at her for a moment more.

“Fine,” she hissed, huffing in a way that only snakes could.

Draco Malfoy dropped by to accuse Harry of having his father arrested, only to be petrified and shoved out of the compartment. A few other students were curious about the snake and came by to look at her. It was not a bad ride to school, but it could have gone better. At least Isobel quit freezing Ron.

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Harry knew the moment that the Triwizard Tournament was announced that it would be trouble. He worried about it from day one. Isobel tried to keep his spirits up, as did his friends, but it was to no avail. He just knew he’d be roped into it somehow.

The other two schools came the day before the drawing. The cup was lit that night, and Harry didn’t sleep.

“Do you want me to go and guard the cup?” Isobel asked, slithering circles around him. He was sitting on his bed fretting.

“What good would that do?” he asked, worrying his blanket to threadbare. “Can you even read?” he wondered.

“Of course, I can fucking read,” she said, affronted that he would even ask.

“How? I mean, how do you even know all the words that you know, let alone how to read?” he inquired, softly. He had been wondering about this for ages.

“Salazar taught me to read, and your Lord Voldemort had a fucking mouth on him. He would go into long rants about the fucking establishment and the fucking purebloods, and the fucking muggleborn. Every other word out of his mouth when he was ranting was the word ‘fucking’. I picked it up,” she explained, preening like it was something to be proud of.

“Yeah, but by then you were already over nine hundred years old. Isn’t that a bit old to pick up a habit?” Harry asked, rubbing the back of his head in confusion.

“I was already a cusser. I was just using old-fashioned profanes,” she explained, putting her head on her coils. “Now I’m more modern,” she stated, once again proudly.

“I guess that makes sense. I never figured Tommy boy for someone who swore though,” he said, then again, he never had the pleasure of meeting Voldemort outside of the one time with Quirrell.

“You’d swear too, if you fucking lived through the shite he did,” she said, remembering all the shite the boy would complain about. “There was a fucking war going on in the muggle world when he was growing up. Remember?”

“Oh, yeah, I tend to forget that,” Harry said, sheepishly. He yawned and settled down on his pillow, his fear of the goblet forgotten. They talked of other things until Harry finally went to sleep.

It was Halloween and that was never a good day for Harry. When the drawing happened, and the three names were called, he gave a deep sigh of relief. Until the goblet flared again. He could have bawled like a baby.

“Harry Potter,” Dumbledore said, his tone grave.

“No,” Harry said, staying firmly seated.

“Harry, go to the antechamber,” the headmaster demanded, pointing to the room where the other champions had gone.

“No, I didn’t enter. I’m not going.” Harry insisted.

“Harry, fucking unshrink me,” Isobel said, sliding off his body.

“There’s not enough room in here for me to do that,” he hissed back, taking out his wand.

Instantly people started to scatter away from him. Some started screaming and calling him a dark wizard. The foreign schools, who didn’t know about the basilisk, were even more afraid than the Hogwarts students. Well, not the Durmstrang students, but they were wary.

“Look at that, there’s room now,” she said, a smug tone in her voice.

Harry shrugged and unshrunk her. She slithered forward and got into the judge’s and Head’s faces, swaying her head so she looked into all their eyes.

“Listen to me, you motherfucking arsehole sons of bitches, Harry is not competing in your gladiator games,” she hissed with Harry happily translating.

“He must compete, or he’ll lose his magic,” Ludo Bagman stated, after he pissed his pants.

“Oh, and how is that? Are you fucking going to take it from him, you witless arsehole?” she questioned, sticking out her tongue in his face, making his eyes roll up and then he passed out. Harry translated again, word for word.

He heard Hermione’s horrified, “Harry, language.” But he ignored it.

“The Goblet of Fire will take it from him,” Dumbledore said with a note of superiority.

“Oh, will it?” Isobel asked, slithering up to said artifact, its fire was out.  She sniffed it with her tongue and circled it and peered at it a bit more. “This fucking piece of tin thinks it can hurt my fucking friend?” She then opened her mouth and ate it. “So much for that,” she said, and then burped out a bout of flame.

“I can’t believe you fucking did that,” Harry said in English. He was laughing so hard.

The whole Great Hall was in a state of shock. There were some students laughing with Harry, but the adults were aghast and wondering what to do now. Did they arrest the boy for letting his pet eat a priceless artifact? How were they to hold the tournament without the contract? Was the contract valid if the cup was destroyed?

“Come on, Isobel, I think we need to let heads cool down for a bit,” Harry said, climbing on to her head. She started towards the door but ran into the wall. He grabbed her feathered crown and started steering her. “No, go left,” they could hear him say as they disappeared out of sight.

The two of them hid in the Chamber of Secrets, with Dobby and Winky feeding them.

The adults decided to continue with the tournament. They just drew up a written contract, which didn’t include the loss of magic for non-participation. It only took them a week to get over their anger at Isobel, so Harry could return to classes.

He left his basilisk in the Chamber, albeit in her smaller form. She could get out anytime, via the forest exit. She would sneak into his dorm at night and cuddle with his warmth. Even though Dobby had brought her tree and mini sun, she still preferred her Harry. Gradually, he started carrying her around again.

She still wasn’t wearing her glasses, but in her smaller form, she wasn’t running into the walls.

On one of her jaunts through the forest, she came upon some dragons. She was curious to see if she could talk to them. So, she went closer. She could. She sat and gossiped with them all night long, letting them know what was going on, and asking them not to hurt the poor kids that were roped into this sport, for she felt it was misrepresented, but the adults were fair game.

She told Harry about it the next day, and he told Cedric, Fleur, and Viktor.

“Why are you telling us?” Cedric asked when they were all together in a room, having been brought there by Winky.

“Because if I had not been taken out, I’d want to know I was going to face a ruddy dragon,” Harry said with a shrug of his shoulder.

“To be fair, my headmaster already told me,” Viktor stated in his thick Bulgarian accent, he too shrugged his shoulders.

“Same,” Fleur stated, looking guiltily at Cedric.

“You mean to tell me that I would have been the only one not to know?” the Hufflepuff asked, upset that the other two schools cheated, or he might have been upset that his school would have left him to flounder.

“Well, you know now,” Harry said in a consolatory way.

“I guess,” the other boy said, slumping his shoulders, but smiling his thanks. They broke up and went their separate ways.

The three champions made their schools proud with the way they handled their dragons, though Krum lost points for hurting his dragon and smashing some eggs. Isobel went and talked to the dragons before they left and gave her condolences to the grieving mother.

The second task was boring for the spectators, all they did was watch the lake. Not even a ripple was done to entertain them. When the champions emerged, Fleur first having been chased out early, then Viktor, then Cedric. Fleurs sister had to be retrieved because she didn’t rescue her. The poor French champion was in hysterics before then. Harry thought that was pretty shitty of the judges.

The third task was a maze, which again was boring for the audience. Harry was sitting with his friends, with Isobel on his shoulders, bitching, when he felt a tug on his navel. He landed with a thump. Isobel immediately slithered off and moved in front of him. She couldn’t see.

“Harry, get my glasses, and hurry the fuck up,” she demanded. She was in a bit of a panic.

They were in some cemetery in some woods, and there were people and a snake approaching.

He reached into the pouch, he kept on his neck, and pulled out her glasses and put them on her. He only had time to get two pieces of Spellotape on her, when another snake came slithering up.

“Are you wearing glasses?” the snake asked, completely thrown for a loop.

“What’s it to you, bitch?” Isobel said, whipping around looking for trouble. “Harry, get your wand out,” she instructed, sensing two heat signatures. She could smell them too.

Harry listened to his pet and did just that. He stood back-to-back with Isobel and wondered what kind of trouble he was in.

There was a man coming up to his left, so he angled his body in that direction. He wished he had his invisibility cloak, but it was at the school in his trunk.

“Dobby,” he called, but the elf didn’t come.

The other snake was frozen, so Isobel turned and petrified the man coming towards them. He didn’t look familiar, so they had no clue who he was. He was tallish, with a narrow face. On the skinny side, and a medium length hooked nose with dark brown hair.

“Run,” she told Harry. So, they ran. “I think there are wards here,” she said, moving to the edge of the woods. If they could get to the town down there, they might be safe.

Harry could see the town too, so he continued to the buildings in the distance.

The man woke up and started firing spells at them. Stunners, if Harry was hearing right. That meant he wanted them alive. At least him.

“Split!” Isobel shouted, moving to the left.

Harry veered right. He ran for all he was worth, but the man was faster and gaining on him. There was the sound of a fight going on when Harry’s world went dark. He woke up to his arm being cut. There were some words about ‘blood of the enemy’ and then the Dark Lord was reborn.

He was one ugly motherfucker.

“You’re one ugly motherfucker,” Isobel said as she came into the clearing. She looked like she had been in a fight. There were gashes in her skin, but they weren’t deep. She did have tough scales. She was still only six feet long, but she was still the deadliest snake on earth. Her glasses were gone though. “Are you alright, Harry?” she asked, moving closer to the Dark Lord. Almost close enough to freeze him.

“Yes,” Harry said in English.

“You speak parseltongue?” Voldemort said, shocked at this revelation. His Death Eater had told him the rumors, but he had not believed them.

“I do,” Harry said, still in English.

“And you’ve tamed my basilisk?” Tom inquired, intrigued over this development. “How did you get her so small?” he asked, knowing spells didn’t work on basilisks.

“I’m not yours, you sawed off prick-headed motherfucker,” Isobel spat, jutting forward, and freezing him and then biting him on the hand. “And no one tames me,” she stated, puffing up with pride.

The Dark Lord’s body deconstructed and a spirit emerged from the goo. “I’ll get you, snake,” it promised, flying at the serpent. “I’ll be back for you too, Harry Potter,” it said, disappearing into the darkened sky.

“Well, that wasn’t ominous,” Harry groused sarcastically, slumping in his binds.

“Can you untie yourself?” Isobel asked him as she went after the man who had brought them here. He was thumping towards her, wand raised.

“I’ll try,” the teen said, working his fingers on the knots. They were loose enough that he should be able to get free. It took around five minutes, but he did get down from the statue. By that time, Isobel had made short work of the man. “Did you have to bite him too?” he asked, seeing the marks on the man’s neck.

“He was going to fucking kill you,” was her defense. “Of course, I had to fucking kill him.”

“Thank you,” Harry said, sincerely. He let her wind her way up his body and started towards the town again. He really just wanted to get out of the woods. Once he felt he was far enough away he called the Knight Bus and had them take him back to Hogsmeade. He walked back to Hogwarts from there.

“Where have you been?” Hermione asked once he came into view.

“I was kidnapped,” he said, shrugging it off like it was no big deal.

“Really? Are you okay?” she asked, looking him over for injury. “Do we need to tell Dumbledore?” she asked, looking around for said headmaster, who was walking towards them.

“Harry, my boy, whatever happened to you?” the old man inquired. He had a look on his face like he already knew but wanted confirmation.

“Nothing,” Harry said, looking him dead in the eye and lying straight-faced.

“But, didn’t you just say…” was as far as Hermione got when Isobel petrified her.

“I must insist you tell me the truth, Harry,” Dumbledore said, stroking his beard in a knowing fashion.

So, Isobel froze him too. Harry shrugged and moved on. He didn’t have to tell anyone anything. He spent the rest of the year avoiding the headmaster’s and Hermione’s questions. He regretted telling his friend anything. She was like a dog with a bone.

When he got home, he told Sirius.

“That means old Voldy created horcruxes,” Sirius said, cottoning on to that right away. His family was dark after all. They delved into all sorts of necromancy and other soul magic. He glanced around the room, like he could feel one of the horcruxes just out of reach.

“I don’t know what those are,” Harry pointed out.

“And I’m not going to tell you,” his godfather said, nonchalantly.

“Okay,” the teen said, indifferently. He’d just look it up in the library. It wasn’t that difficult.

“Let me contact a few people and we’ll take care of it,” Sirius said more seriously than Harry had ever seen him.

“Not a problem,” Harry said, more than willing to let the adults take care of the problem. So, he and Isobel spent the summer talking about what they were going to do next year.

Chapter Text

Thanks for all the reviews.

A short one. My hands and taking out Umbitch early are the culprits.  

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They needed to get Isobel new glasses, and short of taking her to an Oculist, they would need to hit a charity shop again. Though Harry did have a funny scene in his head of the doctor trying to get Isobel to read the eyechart. Before, during and after she petrified the entire office.

This time Isobel wanted to come with him. She had been bugging him all day about it, and she wasn’t letting up.

“You’re a six-foot long venomous snake,” Harry protested, as she wound her way up his body. He had just finished putting his shoes on and was ready to leave.

“Just take me with you, motherfucker,” she said, tightening her body around his.

“At least get under the invisibility cloak,” he suggested, going to his trunk to get it.

“Just cast a Merlin be-damned Notice-Me-Not on me,” was her suggestion. She didn’t want to have the cloak on, it made everything fuzzy to see. She said so to him.

“Fine,” the teen said, casting the spell and leaving Grimmuald Place. He had already told Sirius what he’d be doing today, so there was no need to let the man know where he was going.

It was only a week into the vacation and Grimmuald Place was already overrun with strangers. Sirius had let Dumbledore use it for something called the Order of the Pheonix. His godfather, in his infinite wisdom, had shared Harry’s experience with the headmaster and the old man had run with it. Calling together his old group of vigilantes, to fight the dark lord that didn’t even have a body, yet.

Harry was pissed at Sirius for that. He had had Isobel freeze him for a day for that faux pas. Padfoot made it up to him by buying him a Firebolt, so they were even now. Still, now he had to deal with people he didn’t know, and the Weasleys, on a daily basis.

At least he knew what a horcrux was and could at least understand a bit why Sirius felt he had to tell Albus Dumbledore what he had. Harry had had his reasons for keeping it to himself. Well, one was that he was just being petty, but still…

The boy and his snake made their way to the nearest charity shop and went to the glasses bin. Harry took out a pair of spectacles and held them up to Isobel’s face and asked, “How are these?”

To a bystander it looked like he was holding them up in the air, looking over his shoulder, and hissing at nothing. Kids these days doing all sorts of drugs. Many skirted away from the obviously high teenager.  

“They fucken suck,” she answered, squinting through them. “They’re for far-sighted people, you dolt,” she added, thumping him on the head with her tail.

“Oh,” he said, then got the next pair.

They did this for a few pairs when someone came up to Harry and asked, “What are you doing?”

“Getting glasses for my invisible snake,” Harry said with a straight face. As soon as he said that, the man could see Isobel.

“Shite,” he said, backing away as quickly as he could. He backed into a display of clothes and was promptly immobilized by Isobel.

“I liked the last pair. Let’s get out of here,” she hissed, tightening her grip on his body. “That should last long enough for us to make a break for it,” she said, looking at the man who was hidden from sight in the display.

“Are you sure? We can go to another store,” Harry offered, quickly going to the till, and paying for the ones in his hand. He then rushed out of the store and down the street, still talking to his snake, that no one but him saw.

“We can? Let’s do that. Having more than one pair will be beneficial,” she said, moving to get more comfortable.

So, that’s what they did, only having to freeze one more person. In the end, they got Isobel three pairs of glasses and Harry even got an extra pair for himself. Harry decided that since they were out and in charity shops he might as well pick up some clothes too. So, Isobel gave him some fashion advice, which consisted of things like, “That looks like shite on you.” Or “Only an arsehole would wear that color of orange.” Or “You’re fucking color blind.”

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The Weasley twins learned quickly that Harry and Isobel were not prank victims. They only had to be petrified three times to get that message. Ron wasn’t quite that fast of a learner. He was petrified more than six times before he understood that Isobel could understand him and his insults. Even then he still kept calling her a slimy snake.

“Why is your family staying here? Don’t you have a curse-breaker that works for Gringotts as a brother?” Harry asked Fred, or George, he could never tell them apart.

“Yeah, but curse-breakers tear down wards, they don’t put them up, do they? And Gringotts is bloody expensive,” Fred, or George, answered, flipping a card down on the pile he was establishing. Harry had no idea what he was doing, but it involved Chocolate Frog Cards.

“That’s stupid, you have to know wards to be able to take them down,” Harry countered, still watching the twins play their weird game.

“I’m just going on what I was told,” Fred said, or George, shrugging, dropping another card on the stack.

“Yeah, and the Black house is under a Fidelius, isn’t it? You can’t get better than that,” George, or Fred, said, picking up the card his brother threw down and tucking it in his hand.

“Yes, but why your family?” the dark-haired teen asked, still not understanding why they were singled out. There were loads of families that were in danger if the dark lord was back, which he wasn’t so it was all mute.

“Ron is your best mate,” Fred said, Harry was sticking with Fred, taking up ten cards from the discard pile. “They reckon that our family would be singled out first,” he added, and then yelled,” Bonzi.” He threw down his entire hand of card, making his twin groan.

“Oh,” Harry said, finally understanding why they were here, but not their weird game. Well, he wouldn’t go as far as to say that Ron was his best mate anymore, but he wasn’t going to broadcast it to this group. Ron really didn’t like Isobel and blamed her for Scabbers disappearance, even though she didn’t show up until a year after the rat left. Well, she didn’t appear anywhere around the school that is.

With those lame explanations out of the way, time moved on. The Order kept meeting, and the Weasleys still lived there. Harry did his level best to stay out of everyone’s way. Isobel freezing anyone who pissed her off, helped with that a lot.

“Harry, I would have thought you’d want to know what the Order was up to,” Sirius said, one day after a meeting a few weeks later. They were all sitting to dinner. There were the Weasleys and three Order members. Moody, Tonks, and Fletcher.

“Nope,” Harry said, scratching Isobel on the head. “Voldy is a spirit right now, and not a threat. No one really knows where he is, and you lot are probably not really doing anything worthy,” he added, looking around the room at the adults, who all looked affronted. The twins giggled, and Ginny, and Ron looked offended for the adults.

“Well, you’d be wrong,” Sirius said, trying to sound enticing. “We’re hunting for something and guarding something,” he continued, like waving a red flag.

“I still don’t want to know,” Harry said, picking up his fork and eating his treacle tart. “My birthday is coming up. Can I invite people over?” he asked, wondering if Hermione, Neville, and Luna could get into the house.

“Sorry, Dumbledore holds the secret,” Sirius said, apologetically.

“That’s cool, you can rent out a restaurant,” Harry said, going over which one he wanted to get for the evening. Maybe he’d introduce the purebloods to fast food.

“How about a movie and pizza instead?” Sirius suggested, looking at his godson, already regretting bringing Dumbledore into his house.

“That sounds lovely,” Harry said, thinking that was a good compromise.

“You can’t,” Mrs. Weasley said with an air of superiority.

“I’d like to see you bloody well stop me,” Harry said, in a fit of teenage rebellion.

“Don’t talk to my mum like that,” Ginny said, before anyone else could.

“She is not my mum, and I’ll be damned if she is going to tell me what to do. I can go where I want, when I want, and do what I want. As long as my godfather is okay with it. And you just heard that he was. She has no say in it,” Harry ranted, slamming his fork down on the table and standing in a fit of rage.

Isobel was lifting her head and had already frozen Molly and Ginny. “Don’t you fucking tell my Harry what he can and can’t fucking do, bitches. He’s my friend, and not your boy toy, arseholes. If you think you can get your whoring hands on him, think again, you little slut…” she said, and would have continued on but for the hand on her mouth.

“Isobel,” Harry said, cutting her off. He let go of her mouth, but he never liked those words. He found them distasteful. “There’s no need for that kind of language,” he stated.

“You don’t smell the lust on her when you’re around,” the snake said, making Harry uncomfortable.

“That’s normal teenage stuff,” he said, trying to wave it off. “Every teenager goes through stuff like that. I get that way around some girls at school,” he pointed out, remembering some embarrassing moments with Cho Chang.

“It had better be,” Isobel said, narrowing her eyes at the frozen girl.

The rest of the table was silent as Harry and his snake were talking. They had never gotten used to his parseltongue. Especially Ron.

“Well,” Sirius said, trying to break the tension, “I’ll take you and your friends to a movie and pizza on the night of your birthday. If Mrs. Weasley doesn’t want her kids to go, that’s her prerogative.” He too glared at Molly. He was tired of her bossy ways, and if Dumbledore hadn’t asked to have them here, he’d have booted her ages ago. At least she wasn’t taking over the house, what with the house elves in charge.

“We’re of age,” Fred said, pointing to him and his brother, who nodded.

“Yeah, we can do what we want,” George stated, smirking like he had just played a prank.

“Then you do whatever you please,” the dogman confirmed, grinning like a fool.

The two Weasley females woke, and glared at Isobel like they’d like to make snake soup. She froze them again. “Stupid bitches,” she snarled as well as a snake can snarl.

“Isobel, stop that,” Harry said in English. “I’m sorry, Mr. Weasley, she’s temperamental,” he told the gentle father.

“That’s alright, Harry. As long as it’s harmless,” Arthur said, actually enjoying the peace and quiet. He continued eating his meal, which was beer-battered fish and chips with salad.

Life continued on at Grimmuald Place and Harry and his friends, sans Isobel and Ron, had a great time watching Lion King and eating pizza in muggle London. Sirius and Remus were chaperones, poor ones though they were. Harry and Hermione were better, and they guided the purebloods around and showed them the sights. Everyone had a great time.

Luna and Neville were there, along with the twins, Lee, the Gryffindor chasers. Dean and Seamus were invited and came along, though they both knew London. So, it was a fun group of teenagers. Luna being the odd girl out, but she was happy with her lot in life, so it was okay.

Isobel was hopping mad that she had to stay home. She had petrified the entire house, including the paintings and house elves by the time Harry had gotten back. At least she hadn’t killed anyone.

“Why did you do that?” he asked, once they were safely in his room.

“You left me here, you fucken arsehole,” she said petulantly. She was curled up on her snake tree and basking under her mini sun. She was sulking, there were no ifs, ands, or buts, about it.

“You can’t be trusted in large crowds,” he pointed out. “You proved that at the World Cup. I couldn’t take the chance in muggle London. The Statute of Secrecy would have been blown wide open if I had taken you,” he said, trying to get her to see the logic of it.

“I’m over one thousand fucking years old. I have self-control, motherfucker,” she spat, turning her head away from him.

“You could have fucking fooled me,” he spat back, getting angry at her for her lack of self-restrain. “You can’t go one day without petrifying someone.” He was actually getting tired of making excuses for her. She was, like she said, over a thousand years old.

“I so can too,” she said, turning and facing him.

“Then fucking prove it,” he dared her.

“I fucken will,” she stated, slithering down her tree and standing in front of him up to her full six feet. Well, as far as her muscles would let her, which was taller than Harry.

However, try as she might, Isobel’s temper got the better of her, and everyday someone got frozen. She sulked at this, and Harry was vindicated. He did his best to not tell her ‘I told you so.’ It was hard though.

The house elves found another one of Voldy’s horcruxes while cleaning, and Sirius had Isobel bite it. It was done swiftly and without ceremony.

“That was fucking disgusting,” Isobel said, jutting her tongue out and sticking it in a bowl of water that the elves had for her.

“Sorry,” Harry said, rubbing her back as she tried to get the taste out of her mouth.

Sirius noted the spirit that dissipated and sighed. “I think there’s more,” he said, making a note. He would have to tell the Order about it, and he wanted all his facts straight.

“How can you tell?” Harry asked, leaning over to see what he wrote.

“The size of that spirit,” Sirius said, hiding his notes. “It was only a sliver. If it was bigger, I would have thought only three, which would mean we were done. But that was too small.” Harry could hear the disappointment in his tone. He too felt it.

“Damn, motherfucking dammit,” Harry said, banging his head on the wall next to him.

“You have been spending too much time with your snake,” Sirius said, knowing the snake cussed up a storm. Harry had translated a few times when the snake asked him to. That basilisk had a mouth on her that could peel paint.

“Sorry,” the unrepenting boy said, closing his eyes and thinking. “If one was here, and one was with Malfoy, who else would have one?” he asked, thinking of the other Death Eaters, and who was part of the Black family.

Sirius thought that over and had an epiphany. He didn’t share it though, just ran off and started making floo calls. Harry shrugged and went to finish his homework.

It was on one of his outings that Harry was waylaid by dementors of all things. Since he was only going to the movies in the neighborhood, he had Isobel with him. She petrified them and he ran to Grimmuald Place. He didn’t hear anything about rogue dementors, so he brushed it off as a freak incident.

The booklist came at the last second and Harry went to get his books and equipment with Sirius. Molly had volunteered to get them for him, but he declined. He didn’t want anyone to have his key. Sirius agreed with him. Many people got petrified in Diagon Alley that day, making Harry sigh.

Hermione and Ron made prefect, which was fine with Harry. Isobel took up much of his time, not to mention quidditch. That and it was his OWL year. He was still undecided as to what he wanted to do with his life, but he needed all the OWLs he could get and being prefect would interfere with studying.

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There was a pink monstrosity at the Teachers’ Table. It couldn’t be human. It looked like a giant toad. When it stood and spoke like a human being, Harry was sure that the world had come to an end.

“Can I eat that fucking pink bitch?” Isobel asked, looking at the woman with horror filled eyes.

“Go for it, but you might get indigestion,” Harry said only half-joking, scratching her head. This time they had her glasses on, which garnered a few queer looks from student and staff alike. Ron made fun of them constantly, he never learned.

“That much fucking pink needs to be eaten before it spreads,” argued the snake. Her eyes never left the woman, like if she did then something bad would happen, probably to Harry.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Harry said, teasing her. He really didn’t think Isobel would eat the woman. Freeze her, yes, but eat her… that was debatable. She might poison her, that was a thought. Well, then they’d kill Isobel, and that would be a bad thing.

“You’ll need to unshrink me first,” Isobel said, completely serious.

By now they were getting a lot of looks for their conversation. It wasn’t often that Harry talked to Isobel in public for this long. Some were getting used to it, others were still freaked out by it. Ron.

“Isobel, you can’t eat the staff,” Harry said, turning and looking her in the eye. He wanted to make sure she understood that.

“She’s fucking evil, mark my words,” the basilisk stated, staring him down. “I’ve been around evil people all my fucking life. I was hatched via a dark ritual. I know evil and that bitch is evil,” she persisted, still glaring into his eyes.

“I get it, evil. At least wait until she does something to warrant it,” Harry pleaded. That would appease his morals.

“Fine,” she hissed and settled down to watch the evil bitch continue her speech. They went to bed, and she dreamed of swallowing the woman whole.

Time moved on and tension in the castle started to grow, thanks to Umbridge, the pink toad. She was a saccharine sweet sadistic bitch. Harry hated her the first time he had her class. She kept trying to goad him into saying weird things. Like that Voldy was back, when Harry knew the man wasn’t. Or that the headmaster was raising an army, which if the man was, Harry had no knowledge of it. She was doing everything in her power to get Harry in trouble, but he was keeping his head down. Or at least looking at her in blank confusion.

It was beyond bizarre, but the woman had it out for Harry. It was Snape all over again.

Snape had laid off Harry due to an agreement they had come to over Isobel’s venom and scales. The potions master would ignore Harry, and Harry would give the man his ingredients. Isobel wasn’t happy with the arrangement. She wanted to kill the man, but Harry cockblocked her.

He wasn’t going to do that with Umbridge though. At least not after he’d seen what he just saw.

“Isobel, I think she’s torturing the students,” Harry told his snake one day after seeing a first year crying over his hand. There had been words carved in that hand. He talked to the boy and was told about a black quill that used the writer’s blood. He told Isobel this.

“That’s it, the bitch is fucking dead,” the basilisk said, swaying back and forth in agitation. “Take me there, then unshrink me. Right the fuck now,” she demanded, winding her way up his body.

“Gladly,” he said, moving towards the DADA classroom with determination.

When they got there, Harry pulled on his invisibility cloak and snuck in. He put Isobel down and unshrunk her.

Umbridge saw her and gave a triumphant smile. She pulled out a rooster and unshrunk it and tried to get it to crow. “I have you now, Harry Potter,” she crowed, moving to the front of her desk, and looking around the room for the boy. “I know you are here,” she continued, still searching.

“You stupid bitch, do you really think a cock’s crow will kill me? I’m over a thousand fucking years old,” Isobel said, moving quickly eating first Umbridge then the rooster. “Whew, that was too fucking close,” she said with a sigh.

“Can a rooster’s crow kill you?” Harry asked, shrinking her down and carrying her out, still under his cloak.

“If it crows long enough. But it would have to crow for a long time,” she admitted, wiggling to get comfortable.

“Well, we’ll just have to stay away from chickens,” Harry said, rubbing her head comfortingly. They went to the Chamber of Secrets for a while to get away from everyone.

The next day the DMLE was at the school looking into the disappearance of Umbridge. They were asking everyone who had contact with her. They questioned all those who had detention and were appalled at the blood quill she had them use. She was then wanted for questioning herself. There was a warrant out for Assault and Battery of Minors. She was now one of the most wanted witches in the United Kingdom.

Then Harry and Isobel were brought in as suspects, after everyone else had been cleared. Now they were grasping for wisp-o-wills.

“Mr. Potter, you will act as interpreter and submit to your own questioning,” Madam Bones said, putting a self-writing dicta quill to a piece of parchment.

“What can we do for you today?” Harry asked, slumping in his chair, with Isobel hanging off his shoulders. They looked like they were having a casual chat with friends. Or rebellious teenagers, it was hard to tell the difference sometimes.

“Did you kill Dolores Umbridge?” one of the Aurors asked, jumping the gun from the look on Bones’ face.

“Nope, can I go?” Harry answered, getting up from the chair and heading for the door.

“Sit,” Amelia said, pointing to the seat.

Harry sat.

“Fine,” he mumbled, reaching up and scratching the area around the Spellotape on Isobel’s head.

“When was the last time you saw Professor Umbridge?” Bones inquired, glancing at the outspoken Auror.

“Yesterday, in the classroom,” Harry answered honestly. His eyes never strayed from Isobel’s head.

“Did you have words with her?” was the next question.

“Nope, I didn’t say word one to that bitch,” he said again, completely honest. He hardly ever spoke to the woman if he could help it.

“Watch your mouth, young man,” Bones snapped, narrowing her eyes.

“Sorry,” Harry said, unapologetic.

“Now, I ask your snake the same questions,” she said, looking to Isobel.

“Yes, I killed that sadistic bitch, and I’d fucking do it again,” Isobel hissed, looking for all the world relaxed. She was leaning into Harry’s scratches and moving her head to a better position.

“She says she has no idea why you would think she had anything to do with Umbridge,” Harry said, completely straight-faced.

“Umbridge disappeared without a trace. Your snake can be enlarged enough to swallow her whole,” Amelia stated, tapping her wand on her thigh like she wanted to use it, but had no clue as to what spell to use.

“Yeah, and? There are thousands of spells that can do the same thing. Don’t go blaming the easiest target. Isobel was with me the whole day yesterday, and I wouldn’t let her kill,” Harry said, his face going stone hard.

“You fucking tell her, Harry,” Isobel said, proud of her friend for covering for her. “A good friend helps hide the body,” she said, preening a bit.

“Well, I have no choice but to take your word for it. I can’t dose you with Veritaserum. Not without your guardian’s permission, and I doubt Black will give it,” she said with a sigh. She didn’t notice any bulges on the snake, so there were no telltale signs that the snake had eaten a person.  

“Then are we done?” Harry asked a bit belligerently.

“We’re done, for now,” Bones conceded, waving to the door.

“I can’t fucking believe we got away with that shite,” Isobel said, putting her head on top of Harry’s.

“For now,” Harry said, shaking a bit now that it was over. This was something he was never going to tell a living soul.

The months went by, and Harry studied for his OWLs and played quidditch. It was easier now that he didn’t have any teacher’s breathing down his neck. Snape was behaving and Umbitch was gone. It was turning out to be a good year. Until there was a breakout at Azkaban.

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“So that means Voldy has a body?” Harry said to Sirius during Yule break.

“Yup,” his godfather answered. “We reckon he found one of his horcruxes and used it. That means there is two left unaccounted for.” There was a frustrated look on his face. Stress lines were present as well.

“One,” Isobel hissed, joining the conversation.

“Why do you say that?” Harry asked, tilting his head.

“That fucking snake was one,” she explained, moving forward a bit to get to Sirius. “I heard the screams of a horcrux dying when I killed the bitch. Tell him that,” she instructed.

So Harry did, and there was a sense of relief on the man’s face. “Does that mean the Order found one?” he asked Sirius.

“Yes,” Sirius said, grinning like he pulled the greatest prank of all times. “It was in my cousin’s vault.” He preened like a man who got away with a great crime.

“So let me get my numbers right. There was the diary, the necklace, the snake, the one you got,”

“A cup,”

“a cup, and whatever Voldy used. That’s five. How does that add up to seven?” he asked, a bit confused.

“You make six horcruxes, the seventh being yourself,” Sirius explained, with a knowledgeable look.

“Oh, I guess that makes sense,” Harry said, then wondered where the sixth one would be. Then he decided that it would be best left up to the adults and went to find something to do. He and Isobel went to the theater many times over the break, with the twins joining them. Sirius and the Order were wracking their brains over where the last horcrux was but having little luck.

“Harry, is it in the Chamber?” Remus asked him one day.

“Of course, it’s not in the fucking chamber, you idiot,” Isobel stated, glaring at the werewolf. She got right in his face and snapped her jaws at him, making him fall back.

“I don’t think you need an interpreter for that,” Harry said, picking Isobel up and leaving the room.

The break was over, and they all went back to school for more studying and quidditch. Time went on and Harry was visited with a vision during his History OWL.

“I don’t know what to do about it,” he confessed to Isobel in an alcove off the hallway.

“What exactly did you see?” she asked, moving to peer at his face.

“It was kind of fuzzy, but I saw them torturing Sirius about getting a prophecy,” he stated, furrowing his brow trying to remember the vision.

“It’s a fucking trap,” she said with confidence. “Call Dobby,” she instructed.

“Dobby,” Harry called.

“Master is needing Dobby?” the elf asked as he popped in, eager to please.

“Where is Sirius?” Harry asked, trying not to sound scared.

“Doggyman is being at Grimmuald Place,” the confused elf stated.

“Thanks, Dobby, you’ve been a great help,” Harry said, giving him a hug and dismissing him.

Dobby gave him a concerned look and popped away.

“See, a trap. We have two choices, we can go and kill the motherfuckers, or we can ignore it,” Isobel stated, moving her head back and forth in a hypnotic motion.

“Well, I know what you want to do,” Harry said with a grin. Then he slumped. “I think this time, we should ignore it. I’ll floo Sirius and let him and the Order handle it,” he decided, moving off to do just that.

“I am going to eat me some motherfucking Death Eaters before this war is over. And I’m going to get fucking Riddle too,” Isobel vowed, riding his shoulders as usual.

“Of course,” Harry promised, a smirk played on his lips. So, he called Sirius on the DADA floo, because there was no one there, and told him what he saw.

“We’re going to have to figure out why you have these visions and dreams,” Sirius said, then disconnected to go and see what was going on at the MoM. They captured half of the Death Eaters, Malfoy included, and killed two of them. Voldy and the Lestranges got away. The prophecy was safe for another day.

Harry thought he passed his OWLs with flying colors and was content with his decision not to go to the Ministry of Magic. His friends thought so too, bar Ron.

“You should have gone,” the redhead said, folding his arms. “Sirius could have been in serious trouble.”

“But he wasn’t,” Harry said, tilting his head. “I verified it with Dobby,” he reminded the other boy.

“Still, you and your slimy snake could have fought You-Know-Who,” Ron said, getting excited, vibrating in his seat.

“I’m nowhere near trained enough to fight a dark lord,” Harry said, narrowing his eyes at his ‘best mate’.

“But you’re the Boy-Who-Lived,” was the answer like it explained it all. It did not. Well, it did, but…

“Ron…” was as far as Hermione got when Harry raised his hand.

“No, I’m Harry James Potter. Just graduated fifth year student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,” Harry said very slowly and succinctly. He wanted to make sure that everyone heard what he said, and that he didn’t stumble on any words.

In the compartment were Luna, Neville, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione. And Isobel, of course.

“But you’re also the Boy-Who-Lived,” the Weasley children said, equally confused.

“Isobel,” Harry said, and she stunned them. “I’m out of here,” he stated, making sure his snake was well on his shoulders as he moved.

“No, wait,” Neville said, holding up his hands. “There are three of us here that don’t think like they do. Stay here, and we’ll move them,” he offered, taking out his wand and lifting Ron.

Luna did the same to Ginny. They took them somewhere else and came back soon after. Where they left them, Harry didn’t know, and he didn’t care. The rest of the train ride was pleasant, and Harry talked about the school year and what he hoped the next year would be like.

“Don’t fucking count on it. You haven’t had a fucking good year yet,” Isobel predicted, hissing this in his ear.

“Shush you, I can fucken dream, can’t I?” he answered back.

“It doesn’t do well to dwell on dreams, Harry Potter. However, it is nice to think about them once in a while,” Luna said, a dreamy quality to her voice.

“There is that, Luna Lovegood,” Harry said, giving her a smile. “There is that.”

Chapter Text

Thanks for all the reviews.

I was hoping this fic would get more traffic. Ah well, I welcome those that are reading it. Welcome, one and all. Your favorites, kudos, and reviews make my day.

This one has a hint of angst.

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“Now let’s talk about those visions and dreams,” Sirius said the day after Harry returned from school.

“Do we fucking have to?” Harry asked, collapsing down in his chair. They were in his room, and he wasn’t in the mood for this conversation.

“Yes, we do,” Sirius said, not bothering to correct his language. “Harry, there has to be a reason you’re connected to Voldy, and I have a theory,” he said with a heavy sigh. He really didn’t want to say this. It would not go over well with the boy or his snake.

“Oh?” was the questioning reply.

“I think you’re a horcrux,” the dogman blurted out.

“You think there’s a bit of Voldy’s soul in my scar?” Harry asked mortified.

“There better not fucking be,” Isobel said, coming slithering up and sticking her tongue out and sniffing the scar. “Shite, there is. Gods fucking damn it. Why didn’t I smell that before?” she hissed writhing in agitation. “It’s so faint that it’s barely detectable,” she said, still twisting around.

“Isobel says you’re right, but that there’s barely one there,” Harry told Sirius, his eyes blown wide with a plethora of emotions. The biggest one was fear.

“I’m going to call Bill,” Sirius said, patting Harry on the hand trying to be comforting. He left.

“I’m going to fucking kill that dark lord,” Isobel said, putting her head on top of Harry’s. “He’s going straight into my belly.” She would not sit still. She was just too angry, her body was twisting and turning as her head rested on his.

“What if the horcrux is the only reason I can talk to you?” Harry asked, very worried over that fact. “If they take it out, then we won’t be able to talk,” he fretted, hugging her tight to his chest. She was his best friend.

“Harry, listen to me. Even if you lose the ability to talk to me, you will still be my best mate,” she said to him, squeezing him as tight as she could without hurting him.

“Okay,” Harry said, crying a bit.

“Stupid fucking arsehat,” she said, tears in her voice.

That’s how Sirius and Bill found them a few minutes later. “What happened?” Sirus asked concerned, rushing over to make sure Harry wasn’t hurt.

“We just came to the realization that I might lose my ability to speak parseltongue,” Harry said, wiping his tears.

“Oh,” Sirius said, clapping the teen on the shoulder and looking at the snake with a bit of fear. “Maybe we should leave it there and just trap Voldy,” he said, looking at Bill.

“It doesn't matter either way. Horcruxes don’t grant immortality. They only keep you on this plane. The soul is finite. It has a lifespan, you can’t really extend it without a potion, like the Flamels. They expired without the elixir, and they will probably be punished by whatever deity governs souls,” Bill explained, examining Harry’s scar. He waved his wand over the facial deformation and snatched the parchment that appeared next to him.

“Well?” Sirius asked impatiently.

“It’s an unattached horcrux. Easily gotten rid of,” the redhead said, grinning at the teen.

“But should I?” was Harry’s question.

“What? Of course, you should,” Sirius said, looking at the boy like he was crazy. Which was a quick turnaround from a moment ago.

“No, hear me out. I can see into Voldy’s head. I can hear snakes. I can use this to my advantage,” he said, not wanting to lose his connection to Isobel.

Sirius could hear the desperation in his godson’s voice. “Alright, Harry, I won’t take it out for now,” he said, clapping a hand on the teen’s shoulder.

“Thank you,” Harry said. He looked to Bill with wide eyes.

“No one will hear anything from me,” Bill said, giving the boy a wink.

“They’d better not, or I’ll fucken bite you,” Isobel said, slithering up to him and getting in his face.

“Well, I guess I’ve been told,” the curse-breaker said, backing slowly away. He didn’t want the snake to do whatever it was that it had just threatened him with. He had heard it had quite the temper. Ron told him about the time Harry left it at home and it petrified the entire house.

“That’s right, motherfucker,” the snake said, slowly lowering down and going back to Harry. “You stay the fuck away from my Harry.” She was extra possessive of him now. There was no way she was going to let him out of her sight.

After that insightful conversation, time moved on and tension in Grimmuald Place was at an all-time high. Ron and Ginny were at odds with Harry because they wanted him to take more of a role in the war. Harry just wanted to be left alone. The Order still didn’t know where the last horcrux was, or if Voldy had made more. The twins had opened their shop and had moved out, so there weren’t even their pranks to relieve the tension.

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“Sirius. I want to go see The Rocky Horror Picture Show for my birthday this year,” Harry said, blowing the man’s mind.

“How do you even know about that movie?” Sirius asked as he dropped his fork onto his plate. He remembered when the movie first came out in the UK. It had been a hoot going to see it with the Marauders and Lily. They had blended in with the muggles and given Remus and Peter nosebleeds. It had been during Sirius’ rebellious phase.

“I heard Seamus talk about it,” the teen said, eating the last of the treacle tart. He got one for every meal. The elves adored him.

“Harry, I’m not sure you understand just what type of movie this is,” Sirius said, trying to figure out a way to describe the experience to a noob.

“I know there’s a lot of singing and half naked people running around,” Harry said, trying to remember what Seamus said. “Seamus said I could even bring Isobel, and no one would blink,” he added.

“There is that,” Sirius agreed, thinking that was a plus. She would provide some protection. “Did you want to go in costume?” he asked, praying that he did not.

“No, I think plain clothes is fine,” Harry said, making the other man sigh in relief.

“Friends?”

“Maybe Luna and Neville,” the teen said, looking at Ron with disdain. They had been on the outs all summer.

“I don’t think Neville would survive the night,” the dogman said, a queer look in his eyes. “Then again, he might find himself,” he mumbled.

“Hermione too, of course,” Harry said, as an afterthought.

“Harry, I don’t think Hermione would appreciate The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” He could just picture the bookworm in the audience of the movie/play.

“But I heard it’s funny, it has singing and there’s half naked men. What’s not there for a teenage girl to appreciate?” Harry asked, clearly flabbergasted.

“You know what, never mind, let’s invite her. It’ll be a hoot,” Sirius said, making plans to be free that night.

So Harry, Sirius, Isobel, and his three friends went to The Rocky Horror Picture Show for his birthday.  Sirius, Harry, and Isobel had a blast. As did Luna, who sang and danced during the whole thing like a vet. Neville got a nosebleed and passed out at the scantily clad women, then he woke up and had a good time. Hermione was appalled during the whole movie/play. She kept her hands in front of her face and was called a virgin by the audience many times. Sirius protected her from being dragged up on the stage.

Isobel was an instant hit. She and Harry were dragged up on the stage to dance in the Time Warp and they had a great time, as mentioned. If people could understand the snake, they might not have thought she was so great.

“Why are you dressed like a fucking colorblind skank?” Or “I’ve seen less makeup on a fucking clown.” Or “My tone-deaf grandmother sings better than you fucken do.” Things like that were what Harry heard all night long. He laughed uproariously.

They went out for pizza afterwards and Hermione finally calmed down. She was glad Harry had fun; it was his birthday after all. It was nice to forget the war for a few hours. Harry cast a Notice-Me-Not Charm on Isobel so they wouldn’t get any funny looks. He had to do it because it had to be in parseltongue, which for some reason wasn’t detected by the Underage detectors.

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One day, a few days later, Dumbledore came and talked to Harry about the coming school year. Isobel came with him to protect him.

“Ah, Harry, my boy, I want you to take some special lessons with both me and Severus,” the old man said, sitting regally in the chair he occupied. It was as if the man was royalty, and Harry was his subject.

“For what purpose?” Harry asked, slumping in his chair in that manner that teenagers did. Isobel was in his lap and on his shoulders. Her face was directed at the headmaster’s. She didn’t trust the old man.

“From Severus, I want you to learn to protect your mind, so that you no longer have the visions,” Dumbledore stated, running a hand down his beard.

“Pass,” Harry said, waving his hand in a ‘nope’ manner.

“I’m sorry?” the affronted man asked; people didn’t say no to him.

“I said, I’ll pass,” the teen said, looking the man in the eye. “I don’t like the man, and he doesn’t like me,” he added. He felt a tickling in the back of his head, so he broke eye contact.

“You son of a bitch,” Isobel said, freezing the headmaster. “That arsehole was trying to use Legilimency on you,” she cried, turning to look in his eyes. “Did you feel an itching?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “But it was barely there,” he added, shaking his head.

“That just means he’s really fucking good at it,” she said, swaying back and forth. “Don’t look him in the eye. Look at his nose, or his forehead,” she instructed. “I want to hear what else he has to fucking say, or I’d bite his fucking head off now,” she said, explaining why she was letting him live.

“Thanks, Isobel,” Harry said, just as the headmaster was coming to. “I suggest you don’t try that again,” he told the old man. “She’s very protective of me,” he added, scratching her head.

“I see,” Dumbledore said, staring at the snake.

“Read my fucking mind, I dare you, motherfucker,” she hissed at him. “Go ahead stare into my fucking eyes,” she goaded him, really wishing she had her deadly gaze.

The headmaster did the smart thing and looked back to Harry. “Very well. I have some memories that I would like you to review with me,” he stated, like it was a privilege.

“Whose?”

“Tom Riddles,” was the answer.

“Pass,” Harry said again with the same hand wave.

“This could be vital to the war,” Dumbledore said, leaning forward and putting on a very serious face.

“Then show them to Sirius. He’s in charge of the horcrux hunt,” Harry said, not changing his posture. “I want nothing to do with this war,” he added, still slumped down in his chair.

“You are part of a prophecy,” the old man stated like that changed everything.

“I’m part of a daily prophecy that says I’m going to die. I’m still alive. Prophecies are hooey,” the teen said, getting up and adjusting Isobel. “I’m out of here. Let Sirius see the memories, maybe they can finally find the last horcrux. You’re an absolute arsehole for keeping that from them,” he stated, glaring at the man like he was lower than low.

Dumbledore looked gobsmacked as Harry left. He must have shared the memories, because the hunters seemed to have a new fire under them. They were searching everywhere that Tom had ever lived. Even Hogwarts, though it was a big castle.

“Ask the house elves,” Harry suggested one morning when they were all seated for breakfast.

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, serving up some fried mushrooms. It was a full English this morning.

“The elves know all the hidden rooms. Just ask them where a horcrux might be hidden,” the teen said, grabbing some rashers.

“Good idea,” Remus stated, going for the sausage.

With that the meal continued on what the school year would be like. Harry was hoping for a quiet year, but with the way that Ron and Ginny were glaring at him, well…

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The train ride was uneventful, if you don’t count Malfoy’s yearly visit. You’d think the boy would learn by now. Isobel froze him before he got his threat out and he was floated out of the compartment.

“He’s going to be trouble,” Luna predicted, petting Isobel’s head. She especially paid attention to the area around the Spellotape.

“Is he?” Harry asked, rubbing the snake’s chin.

“Yesssss, right the fuck there,” she was hissing at the attention.

“Yes, very much so. You’d best keep an eye on him,” she said, picking a dry scale off the snake.

“Thank you, Luna,” Isobel hissed, moving her head in appreciation.

“You’re welcome, Isobel,” the little blonde said, still scratching her head.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, Luna,” Neville said, giving and inquiring look to his Ravenclaw friend. “How is it that you can understand Isobel?” he asked, like it had been bugging him for a while.

“Oh, I can’t understand her, per se,” Luna said, looking around at all the curious faces. “I just understand the syntax,” she explained with a casual shrug.

“That doesn’t make a lick of sense,” Hermione said dismissively.

“You keep saying things like that when it comes to Luna. Yet she proves you wrong, time and time again,” Harry pointed out.

“I guess,” the bushy-haired girl said, properly chastised.

“Back to Malfoy, how much trouble is he going to be?” Harry asked Luna. He believed her and wanted to know how to prevent it if he could.

“Death and destruction,” she said, her tone serious.

“Fuck,” both Harry and Isobel said, making Hermione say, “Language.” They ignored her.

“I guess we’ll all be keeping an eye on him,” Neville stated, not wanting Harry to burden it alone.

“You can’t be serious,” Hermione stated, looking around the compartment at the two men in it. “You’re taking the word of Luna that Draco Malfoy is going to cause death and destruction. Draco Malfoy. That boy couldn’t destroy his way out of a wet paper bag,” she said, folding her arms across her chest in an ‘I’m right’ manner.

“Again, she’s right more times than she’s wrong,” Harry said, looking at Hermione like she was just trying to pick a fight.

“It’s divination,” Hermione said, throwing up her hands in frustration.

“It’s common sense,” Neville countered, glaring at her. “Draco has lost everything. His father is in prison. His money is being held by the goblins. The Black title has been taken from him. He’s lost his standing in Slytherin. He has nothing to lose,” he pointed out.

“The dark lord is back, and he might be holding Draco’s mother hostage. It’s what I’d do,” Harry said with a shrug. “Especially, if I found out that Lucius lost one of my horcruxes.”

“What’s a horcrux?” came the question from all three friends.

So Harry told them and they discussed those for a few minutes and what the adults were doing about them. Harry left out the one in his head, though Luna and Hermione were both giving him knowing looks.

“Back to Draco, we need to watch him,” Harry said, bringing the topic back to the matter at hand.

“We’ll do our best, but none of us are near the Slytherin house,” Neville said, slumping his shoulders.

“I’ll be keeping my eye on that slimy motherfucker,” Isobel promised, though she hadn’t figured out how to do that and not leave Harry behind. She wasn’t going to leave her boy unprotected.

“We’ll figure it out,” Harry told her, scratching under her chin, like he had read her mind.

With that they talked about how to best keep an eye on the other teen, using the map, the cloak, the paintings, the house elves, and Isobel. The rest of the train ride was boring.

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A man named Slughorn was potions master, which made Snape DADA professor. The whole student body, including the Slytherins, groaned. If he was such a harsh task master at a job he didn’t want, how would he be at the job he coveted.

The first week of classes were actually good. Snape made many students, including Harry, eat crow. He was actually good at his job as DADA professor. Harry did well in the rest of his classes as well.

Slughorn adored Isobel, though she thought he was a slimy git.

“Keep your fucking slimy hands away from my Harry, you creepy stalker,” she hissed at him as she froze him in the middle of class.

“Isobel,” Harry said in English.

“What? He’s a fucking gold-digger,” she hissed, flicking her tongue at the man. He even smelled slimy.

“How can you even know that?” he asked, slipping into parseltongue.

“He’s too smarmy to be anything else,” she said, preening that she spotted it right away.

“You lot had better pay attention to your potions,” Harry reminded the class as he turned back to his. It was a good thing he did to; it was about to go volatile.

Slughorn defrosted and moved on. He left Harry alone; in that he didn’t directly approach him. He did send him invitations to his Slug Club, which Harry gladly came, bringing Isobel and Luna. They used this time to keep an eye on Draco, since the club was held in the lower parts of the castle where the Slytherin dorms were.

With the help of the ghosts, the portraits, and the elves, they knew that Draco was using something called the Come and Go Room, or the Room of Requirements. It was also being searched through by the Order of the Pheonix. So, Draco was having a hard time finding it when it was empty.

“Sirius,” Harry called into the mirror the night he found out both were using the room. Sirius had given it to him this summer as a way to get ahold of him.

“Yeah, Harry,” Sirius answered, looking haggard. There were circles under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept in weeks.

“You know the room you’re looking through for the horcrux?” the teen asked, a concerned look on his face.

“Yes, but how do you know about it?” was the questioning answer.

“I asked the elves,” was the answer. “Anyway, Draco Malfoy is using it for some reason too. That can’t be a good reason. If you see anything shady, can you destroy it, or whatever?” Harry requested with a wave of his hand, though that concerned look was still there.

“Yeah, I can do that,” Sirius said, his shoulders sagging like one more burden had been added.

“Seriously, Sirius, are you okay?” Harry asked, looking hard at his godfather.

“I’ll be okay when the war is over,” the dogman said, not going for the joke.

“You’d better fucking be,” Isobel stated over Harry’s shoulder. “Someone besides my glorious self needs to take care of Harry,” she said, nudging Harry to interpret.

He laughed and did, making Sirius crack a smile. They talked a bit more and signed off.

The year was actually going by smoothly until Katie Bell was cursed by an opal necklace. Isobel automatically immobilized her.  “Get her to the fucking hospital wing,” the snake hissed, biting the necklace out of the girl’s hand, dragging it away, and making it melt.

Harry repeated her instructions to the people surrounding the girl. The other girls who had been with her, levitated her up and ran with her. “We might have wanted to have saved that for the DMLE,” he said, pointing at the destroyed jewelry.

“It was fucking cursed. The only way I know how to break a fucking curse is to bloody well destroy it,” she hissed, circling the item like it would come to life.

“You did well, Isobel,” Dumbledore said as he came strolling up like he was the one to stop the curse. “Miss Bell will make a full recovery, thanks to you,” he added, going to pet the snake, only to rear back when she showed her fangs to him.

“Get away from me, you fucken pedophile,” she hissed, making him stone.

“Isobel, he is not,” Harry said, laughing his arse off.

“Fine, he’s just a goat fucker,” she said, winding her way up his body.

“I can agree with that,” the teen said, walking off now that the drama was over, and he and Isobel weren’t needed anymore. “What do you want to bet Malfoy had something to do with that?” he said, as he scratched her head.

“No bets. I could smell his fucking scent all over it. It fucking reeked of fear. That boy is terrified of something,” she said, her tone was thoughtful.

“Should we try to help him?” Harry wondered aloud.

“No, he’s a fucking Death Eater,” she hissed, sticking her tongue near his nose.

“Oh,” he said, batting her nose away from his face.

“Death Eaters are evil,” she reminded him. “Besides, I said he was terrified, not remorseful,” she added, though there was still something thoughtful in her tone.

“I guess you’re right,” Harry said, and he went to dinner.

The school was abuzz with the news of Harry and Isobel saving Katie and that was the topic of conversation for about a week. Then someone broke up with someone else and the news moved on. Then it was time for Yule again and Harry went home to Grimmuald Place, with Ron and Ginny.

“Why are they still here?” he asked Sirius when they were unpacking his stuff in his room.

“Albus asked that I keep them here,” the dogman replied. “I don’t have the heart to boot Arthur out,” he confessed, thinking of the poor defenseless man.

“Can’t Bill ward their house?” Harry tried again.

“Yeah, I suppose he could,” Sirius said, thoughtfully. “I’ll talk to him tonight,” he stated, grinning at his godson.

“It’s just the tension…” Harry said, trailing off.

“I get it,” his godfather said, ruffling his hair.

That night Sirius did talk to Bill and Arthur and the next day the Weasleys were back at the Burrow. Harry and Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. Remus wasn’t under such a stress of them being there, but he was happy they were happy.

Yule was fun, and everyone had a great time.

School was back in session, and they found out that Slughorn almost died due to some wonky ale. It had been supposed to be a gift to the headmaster, but he had kept it for himself, selfish bastard. It was a good thing he kept a bezoar around.

“Serves that selfish bastard right,” Isobel said as they were getting ready for bed that night.

“That’s not nice,” Harry said, not quite laughing.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed this by now, but I’m not a fucking nice snake. I’m a fucking basilisk. I’m a dark creature. It is in my very fucking nature to want to kill and maim. I hold myself back because of you, you bastard,” she hissed, coiling herself up at the end of the bed. “Not to mention I’m too fucking old to care,” she muttered under her breath.

“You mean, I’m making you act against your nature,” Harry asked, not sure how he felt about that.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said, waving her tail in a careless fashion. “I don’t fucken care, neither should you,” she added, yawning. And with that she went to sleep.

Harry thought about that for a long time that night. He decided that if Isobel was happy, he shouldn’t fret.

He was still doing well in his classes, and Snape was still treating him neutrally. Even though he only required half of what he used to ask for. Slughorn tried to buy some of Isobel’s ingredients, but he had yet to come up with a price that Isobel liked.

It was getting towards the end of the year, and the horcrux team finally found the last one and asked Harry and Isobel to the Come and Go Room, via the mirror. They showed up with bells on. Well, Isobel was not happy about having to bite another one, but Harry was ecstatic.

“Come on, Isobel, maybe if you just drop some venom on it, that might work,” Harry suggested.

“Why didn’t you think of that sooner, motherfucker?” she hissed at him.

“You’re the thousand-year-old snake, you should have thought of it,” he protested, bringing the crown over to her and putting it in front of her mouth. “You’re supposed to be smarter than me,” he insisted.

“Fuck off,” she spat, then opened her jaw and let one of her fangs drop venom onto the crown. It hissed and melted. A scream was heard coming from the diadem and it was done. “Ah, that was much fucking better,” she said, satisfied that there was no bitter taste in her mouth.

“Sirius, did you ever find out what Malfoy was doing?” Harry asked, looking around at the mountains of junk in the room.

“Yeah,” the dogman said, waving for him to follow. He led him to a cabinet that looked like it was being repaired. “It’s a Vanishing Cabinet. You put something in one, it appears in its mate.”

“That can be used for so many things,” Harry said, thinking of the implications. “Why haven’t you destroyed it?” he asked, fingering his wand.

“We want to know what the git is doing,” confessed the other man. “We have two people here at all times, watching him,” he added.

“Sirius, Luna said ‘death and destruction’. This is a school. Destroy it,” Harry said succinctly.

“Stupid wankers, always got to know what the other motherfucker is doing,” Isobel said, writhing on Harry’s shoulders.

“You’re right, of course,” Sirius said, taking out his wand and banishing the whole thing to wherever banished things go. “Done,” he said, wiping his hands together in a ‘it’s done’ gesture.

“Good, now are you guys going to sort this room? Because I have a feeling it could support the whole war movement,” the teenager said, looking at a chest full of jewels.

“We’ve already discussed that, and Dobby and Winky volunteered to do it,” Sirius said, watching Isobel slither down Harry’s body and go amongst the junk.

“Isobel!” Harry called to his snake.

“I’ll be right the fuck back,” she said, moving further away.

They waited a few moments, and she came back with a ring on her tail. It barely held on there, it was too small, but it was precariously perched there. “Put that on,” she hissed to Harry.

“What is it?” he asked as he put it on his middle finger of his right hand.

“It detects potions. You fucken need it. I’ve seen the way those whores look at you,” she said, climbing up his body.

“I’ve asked you not to use that word,” he reprimanded, flicking her nose.

“I’ll talk anyway I wish. I’m over a thousand fucking years old,” she spat.  “Don’t try to take me to fucking task like you’re my master,” she chastised him, as if she was his grandmother.

“Sorry, I just hate that word,” he said, his cheeks heating up.

“Too fucking bad,” she persisted, not about to bow down to his sensibilities.

“Anyway, she said, it detects potions,” he told Sirius, showing him the ring.

“Good, that’ll keep the whores away,” Sirius said, making Isobel laugh and Harry sigh.

The Order left soon after that and the two house elves were going through the Room of Hidden Things. Harry was just doing his best to get through school and quidditch without killing anyone. It was easier this year than previous years, but the yearning was still there.

It was after the end of the year tests that he was kidnapped by a very irate Draco Malfoy.

“It’s all your fault,” the blond boy spat, keeping his eyes averted from the snake.

“What did I do?” Harry asked, moving back from Draco now that they had landed from the portkey the boy had tagged him with. They were in a bedroom. Isobel was already on the move. Harry had his hand on her neck to keep her from killing the fool. She was ready to strike at any moment though.

“You stopped all my plots this year. I know it was you, or your snake. Because of you, my mother might die,” Draco said, there were actual tears in his eyes.

“How is this my fault? I didn’t invite the dark lord into your house,” Harry insisted, waving any implication that it was his doing in any way.

“Just die,” Malfoy said, raising his wand to kill Harry.

That’s when Harry let go of Isobel.

She launched herself at the boy and bit him on the nose.

Down Draco went and he didn’t get back up. Pity. Harry hadn’t wanted to kill him; he was just a kid. “Come here, Isobel. I’m going to put you at your largest size,” he said softly, moving to an out of the way spot. “We need to find our way out,” he said.

She slithered over and coiled up. She sat still as she grew. She filled the room with her girth and soon her head was touching the ceiling. It was a tight squeeze, she moved with great caution. She then ate Draco to hide the fact that he was dead via venom.

Harry cast a Notice-Me-Not on her and she left the room. He followed, under his invisibility cloak, which he never left home without. They moved through Malfoy Manor as silently as a sixty-foot near-sighted basilisk could, which wasn’t very.

“Motherfucking dammit, how many damn fucking busts does one damned person need in their motherfucking house?” Isobel said, as she knocked down another statue. It crashed loudly to the floor like the last five had.

Harry was surprised they were swarmed with Death Eaters already. “Can’t you see?” he asked, knowing she had her glasses on.

“Yes, but the fucking glasses don’t seem to be fitting right. I can’t see in my fucking peripheral,” she explained as she bumped into a wall and knocked down a portrait, which started yelling at her. “Shut the fuck up!” she shouted back.  

“So much for stealth,” Harry said, flattening himself against a wall.

A few Death Eaters poured into the hall and Isobel just ate them. No warning at all. She just opened up and swallowed them whole. Then Bellatrix came in and she was more wary, she didn’t see Isobel, but she could sense her. Narcissa was next, and she was next to her sister. The two women backed away, as Isobel moved towards them.

“That’s right, bitches, move out of my way,” Isobel hissed loudly, making the two women cringe.

“My master will kill you,” Bellatrix stated, lifting her wand, pointing it at nothing.

Isobel opened her mouth and let drop some venom right on the woman’s head.

Bellatrix screamed and ran from the room.

Narcissa ran after her. There might be a chance to save her, narrow though it was.

“Why did you do that?” Harry asked, giving a full body shudder.

“I want her to suffer. She’s evil,” Isobel stated, moving to the doors of the manor.

“As long as you do it to Tom too,” Harry said, keeping pace with her. They continued on swiftly and were almost to the doors when the man himself appeared.

“Going somewhere, Harry?” Voldemort said, raising his wand and conjuring six roosters.

Isobel didn’t dawdle, she started eating the crowing birds and was down to the last one, when Tommy boy started firing on her, or at least where he thought she was. She swallowed the bird and ate him too. She burped and a screaming spirit emerged from her mouth.

“Curse you, Harry Potter,” it said, floating in front of them. “I will be back.” With that it flew through the walls and disappeared.

“Let’s get out of here,” Harry said, moving fast. They were still invisible so nothing could be pinned on them. Isobel had eaten all the evidence. Except Bellatrix, but since she was an escaped criminal, no one was going to report her injuries.

Harry called the Knight Bus and went back to school like nothing had happened. He didn’t tell anyone, but Luna somehow knew. Well, he told Sirius on the mirror that night.

“Now you have a big decision to make,” the man said, ominously. There was caring in his eyes. He didn’t want this burden on his godson’s shoulders.

“I know,” Harry said, slightly depressed.

“Look, the last time Voldy was incorporeal, it was ten years of peace, you have time,” Sirius said, disregarding the time from the graveyard.

“I guess,” Harry said, giving his godfather his love, he disconnected. He was brooding, when Isobel wound her way around him. 

“I’ll still love you, you idiot,” she said, hugging him tight.

“I’ll love you too,” he said back, knowing it was true.

Chapter Text

Thanks for all the reviews.

I went back and had Isobel eat Draco after she bit him. You know, to hide the evidence. Because she’s smart like that.

I’d kill for a fanart of Isobel to use as the picture for this story. Glasses with Spellotape included of course.

It’s a bit on the short side.

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On the last day of school, Amelia Bones paid Harry and Isobel a visit. She hustled them into an empty classroom and sat Harry down. “Draco Malfoy is missing,” she said without preamble.

“Yeah?” Harry said, looking at her confused. Isobel was keeping an eye on the woman. She didn’t trust that she was going to treat Harry right.

“You were the last one seen with him,” Bones stated, taking out her notebook. “His mother also believes you had something to do with it,” she added, referring to her notes.

“I don’t know what to tell you. He yelled at me about ruining his life. I laughed at him and left him fuming,” the teen said, slouched down in the chair.

“You have an animosity with the boy,” she pointed out.

“He’s a prat, but a harmless one,” Harry said, chuckling out loud. He reached up and scratched Isobel under the chin.

“Your snake looks like it has eaten recently,” she observed, making a note.

“She is allowed to eat,” he said, getting defensive. “I gave her a couple of dead ferrets just the other day. Ask Hagrid. He supplies them for me,” he stated, which was all true to a point. He had given her one, it overstuffed her, and she was overly full now. She had a bellyache. He had to give her a tonic to relieve it.

“Oh, I will be,” she stated, flipping her notebook closed and standing. “I will be watching you, young man.” She then left the room.

“I am so glad this war is over,” Harry said with a sigh. “Now you don’t have to eat anyone else,” he added, looking at his snake and rubbing her head.

“Stupid bitch,” Isobel stated, but without any heat.

“She’s just doing her job,” Harry hissed back. He didn’t hate the woman for doing what she must, but it was hard to not dislike the hate she had for him. He’d never been on the bad side of the law before, for all his relatives had told the neighbors he was growing up.

“I bloody well know that,” the snake said, curling up on the table. “That doesn’t mean I have to fucking like it,” she stated, moving her head back and forth. She was extra touchy because she ached.

“How’s your belly?” Harry asked, changing the subject.

“Better, but still sore,” she replied, stretching out to her full length. There was a definite bulge in her middle from all the men she ate the other day. “I’ll have them all digested in a few days,” she said, proudly.

“I’m surprised Tommy boy didn’t give you an even worse upset stomach,” the teen said, rubbing the lump and feeling how hard it was. “I mean, throwing up indigestion,” he stated, thinking projectile vomiting.

“I’ve got a fucking iron gut,” she stated, proudly. “Let’s get the fuck out of here. You need to fucking pack and I want to sit on my tree,” she said, slithering to his shoulders.

“Yeah,” Harry said, adjusting her and going to do just that.

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Since no one knew Voldy was dead, bar Sirius, the Order kept meeting discussing what to do now that the horcruxes were destroyed. Sirius was keeping it to himself, because if he told them, then he’d have to implicate Harry in the murder of six individuals, like Draco Malfoy, and the five Death Eaters, including Bellatrix. Not to mention Ole Voldy himself, making it seven. He wasn’t going to do that to his godson.

Snape told them that Voldy hadn’t been seen in a few weeks and was believed to be recruiting overseas. Many of the Death Eaters had disappeared and Bellatrix was dead. Her head had melted due to basilisk venom, though no one could explain how that happened.

When they asked Harry, he shrugged and said, “Beats me. I was at school.”

Harry and Isobel decided to hit the books. They were trying to find a spirit capturing spell. One that would put a wraith in a jar, or amber. They thought if they did that, they’d keep Voldy as a pet of sorts and then Harry could keep the horcrux. That way he would still be a parselmouth.

“Hey, Harry,” Sirius said to him one day about four days into the vacation, “do you want to become an animagus?”

“Of course,” Harry said, immediately.

“I thought, maybe if you were a snake, you’d keep your parseltongue ability,” his godfather said, a bit bashfully.

“That is a great theory,” the teen said, going and hugging the man. “Even if I’m not a snake, I’m coming up with ways to keep them anyway. I’m not giving up Isobel,” he stated, like it was a promise.

“No, I can see that you love that old cantankerous snake,” the other man said, ruffling his hair.

“You bet he does, arsehat. And I’ll fucking show you cantankerous,” Isobel said, petrifying Sirius as she came into the room.  

“What did you do that for? You are cantankerous,” the teen asked, letting her climb up his legs to his torso.

“Yeah, but only you get to fucking call me names,” she insisted, putting her mouth near his ear, making her tongue tickle his face.

“Stop that,” he said, batting that tongue away.

“What were you talking about when I came in?” she asked as they waited for Sirius to unfreeze. So, he told her, and she said, “That was actually fucking smart of him.”

“He does have some good ideas now and then,” Harry said, defending his godfather, who woke up right at that moment.

“Shite, she did it again, didn’t she?” the dogman said, looking at Isobel, but not in the eyes.

“Yup,” Harry said, smiling at the man’s misfortune.

“Is there any way we can get her to stop that?” Sirius asked, keeping his eyes diverted.

“Probably not,” the teen confessed, laughing on his way out of the room. Sirius and Harry spent many nights going over the meditation of becoming an animagus, and Harry was coming along nicely. Isobel couldn’t be in the same room with them because she didn’t have the patience to help.

Time moved on and it was now time for Harry’s birthday. This time he wanted to go to a theme park. It took a lot of debating and research, but they finally settled on Chessington World of Adventures. Harry because he wanted to go on the rides. Isobel because she wanted to see the animals.

“Harry, you can’t take the snake,” Sirius said, seriously. They had decided not to bring Harry’s friends this time. It was just going to be him and Harry. And the ruddy snake.

“Sure, I can,” the teen said, just as seriously. He wanted Isobel to always be with him. Until such a time he couldn’t talk to her, which he hoped never happened.

“Why can’t he, motherfucker?” Isobel hissed, getting in Sirius’ face, making the man back off.

“Who’s going to hold her while you’re riding the rides?” the dogman tried to reason, backing away from the irate snake, until he sat in the chair behind him with a thump.

“She can sit on the sidelines,” Harry said with a shrug.

“I can take care of my fucking self,” the snake said, moving side to side in agitation. “I’m one thousand fucking years old,” she said, using the same argument she always used.

“She says she can take care of herself,” Harry translated, petting her on the head to calm her down.

“She’s a six-foot venomous snake. What if she bites someone?” Sirius tried again.

“Sirius, she has better control than that. She’ll petrify before she bites,” Harry said, laughing.

“The Statute of Secrecy,” his godfather pointed out.

“He’s right, Isobel,” Harry said, slumping a bit. “If I take you, I can’t go on the rides,” he said, glumly.

“I’ll just stay with your fucking dogfather. I’ll let the bastard hold me,” she conceded, giving him a snake hug. She really wanted to go. She didn’t want to lose any time with him. “I promise, I’ll bloody well behave,” she assured him, looking him dead in the eye.

“Swear it,” Harry said in English.

“I fucking swear it,” she hissed.

“She swears that she will stay with you and not break the Statute,” Harry said, beaming like a loon.

“We’re going to regret this,” Sirius said, sighing in defeat.

They actually didn’t regret it. Isobel stayed with Sirius while Harry rode the rides, then Harry would let Sirius take a turn. They rode the train and took the tour and Isobel behaved really well. Though if the groundskeepers had heard the fight that went on in the snake house, they might have kicked them out.  

“Let us out,” one snake cried out to Harry.

“I can’t do that,” Harry said back, wary that they could tell he was a parselmouth.

“You fucken wanker, you let that old bitch on your shoulders out. Why can’t you let us out?” another snake said, coming to the front of his glass enclosure.

“How can you see Isobel?” the teen asked, changing the subject.

“We can smell her, dumbarse,” another snake said, slithering back and forth in his cage.

“Oh,” was all Harry could say to that.

“So, why won’t you let us out?” the first snake said, lifting up to his full height.

“Because he can’t, you fucken moron,” Isobel said, from Harry’s shoulder, using her gaze to freeze the first snake. “Any other stupid fucking questions?” she asked the other snakes, who all backed off. “I thought not, arseholes. Get it through your pea-brains. You’ve got it good here. You’ve got your bloody meals brought to you weekly and a clean place to fucking live. Out there, there are fucking predators that will eat you,” she said, glaring at them, though they couldn’t see her.

“But we’re in cages, and we have to listen to these morons all day long,” one snake whinged. “The kids bang on our enclosures and hurt our ears,” it continued, coiling and uncoiling.

“Who fucking cares, you bloody crybaby. At least you’re fucking alive,” Isobel stated, sniffing as well as a snake can sniff. “I spent a thousand years in a cold, wet, dark cave. You have heat lamps, a dry space, and lights. I don’t want you hear your fucking whinging,” she stated, then turned her head and froze the whinging snake. “Harry, get me out of here,” she hissed, tickling his cheek with her tongue.

Harry just turned and left.

Other than that experience, the two of them had a great time with Sirius. They then returned to Grimmuald Place and had a party with Harry’s friends.

The rest of the summer went by swiftly. Harry did his homework, he and his snake continued looking for that spell, and he found his animagus form which was unfortunately not a snake. Isobel and he were very disappointed.

He was a mongoose, which is said to be the enemy of cobras. That is myth though, according to Isobel. Harry wasn’t sure, he didn’t feel the need to hunt down any snakes, so there was that.

Either way, his form was small enough to get him into tiny places and he could sneak around and listen in on the Order meetings if he were so inclined to. He wasn’t, but the option was there.

Hphphp

Dumbledore called him to talk one day about a week before school was to start. “Harry, my boy, have you had any more dreams or visions?” the old man asked, peering over his half-moon spectacles. Harry couldn’t figure out if the man thought that made him look wise, or did he just see better that way?

“Nope,” was all Harry said, making sure not to look the headmaster in the eye.

“None at all?” Dumbledore persisted, leaning forward a bit.

“No,” the teen said, firmly.

“He said ‘no’, you pushy bastard,” Isobel said, petrifying the old man. “Come on, Harry. Let’s fucking leave,” she said, nudging the boy with her head. “Stupid fucking old men and their bloody questions.”

“You’d think they’d get it by now that the dark lord is dead,” Harry said as they left the room. “I mean, it’s been two months since anyone has seen him. Snape can’t be that stupid.”  

The Order were still meeting about what to do about Voldy and his Death Eaters, even though there had been no raids, no missing persons, and no acts of war of any kind. They were still guarding the prophecy and looking for any signs of horcruxes, just in case.

“Never underestimate the stupidity of bloody humans,” Isobel said sagely, nodding her head in a wisely manner.

“Hey!” Harry said in English.

She just laughed and they continued on.

Dumbledore was not happy that Isobel had frozen him, and he let Harry know that. Isobel petrified him again and they walked away again. When asked why they were doing that, Harry said, “I’m on summer vacation, he has no authority over me right now. I don’t have to answer to him.”

Sirius laughed his arse off and told the old man to leave his godson alone.

Hphphp

The summer came to a close and Harry and his friends were on the train. It was weird not to have Malfoy drop by, but a welcome weirdness. His friends commented on it, but they welcomed it too.

“I hope it’s a quiet year this year,” Harry said, kicking his feet in front of him and crossing the ankles. Luna was sitting on his left, while Hermione and Neville were on the opposite bench.

“Last year was mostly quiet,” Hermione pointed out. Then she got a smug look on her face. “There was no ‘death and destruction’.” She looked pointedly at Luna, then at the boys.

“That was because Sirius stopped it before it could happen, Miss Smarty-pants,” Harry snapped, anger in his tone. “I was there, so I do know what I’m talking about.”

“Sorry,” she said, sounding contrite.

“Harry, she didn’t know,” Luna said, putting her hand on Harry’s arm.

“That doesn't mean she gets to get all superior,” Harry said, full of ire.

“That’s right, fucking know-it-all bitch,” Isobel said, turning her gaze to Hermione and freezing her.

“I know you two are mad at her, but she is our friend,” Neville stated, trying to defuse the situation.

“I know, but her attitude…” Harry said, taking a deep breath, and attempting to calm down.

“She’s loads better than she was in first year,” Neville pointed out, which was true.

“You’re right there,” Harry said with a smile. “Let her alone, okay?” he said to Isobel.

“As long as she drops that ‘I’m better than you are’ fucking attitude,” the snake said, still staring at the bushy-haired young woman.

“We’re doomed,” Harry joked, then he started joking with Neville and Luna until Hermione woke back up. When she did, she just blushed and they all moved on to the topic of NEWTs. It was going to be a tough year for them.

The Welcoming Feast was fun and filling. The first week of school was mostly revising what they had learned in the last six years. Even Snape was going over what they should have been taught. Hermione was in a complete meltdown. She didn’t know half of the DADA curriculum.

“Hermione, calm down. You can order the books via owl. I’ll let you use Hedwig. She needs the exercise anyway,” Harry said, the day after the week ended. It was Saturday and she was pulling her hair out over that class in particular.

“Okay, thanks, Harry,” she said, kissing him on the cheek and running to fill out the order form.

“You’re welcome,” he said, watching her go.

“Harry, do we need to talk about the fucking birds and bees?” Isobel asked, warily. She really didn’t want to have that conversation with her friend, but she didn’t want him going in blind either.

“What? No,” Harry said, blushing, making everyone around him wonder what his snake had said. “Sirius took care of that. Besides, I think of Hermione like a sister.” His blush faded and he got a thoughtful look on his face.

“A sister, huh? That’s good because you two would be a bloody horrible couple,” she predicted.

“How do you figure that?” he wanted to know, picking her up and going to his bed. He was tired after a busy week of revision.

“You get too angry over the things she says,” the snake explained, in simple terms.

“I can see that,” he agreed. “I think I like Luna better anyway,” he added, his cheeks turning bright pink.

“I can get fucking behind that,” Isobel stated, coiling up on the end of his bed. “She’s perfect for you. She likes me too.” She put her head on her coils and was quickly going to sleep.

“There is that,” he agreed, relaxing on his bed for a quick nap before lunch.

“We should go to the Come and Go Room and ask for a book with the soul jar spell,” the basilisk said with a flash of inspiration.

“Hot damn, that’s a great idea,” Harry said, getting up and putting on his shoes.

“I meant after our fucking nap,” she hissed, getting upset that her nap was being interrupted.

“Are you bloody kidding? We can get this done now,” the teen said, picking her up and throwing her on his shoulders and all but running out of the room.

“Merlin be-damned wanker, slow the fuck down before you drop me,” she hissed as he booked it to the Room of Requirements.

Harry got to the room and paced in front of the wall three times asking for information on spirit/wraith/soul traps. A door appeared and inside there were three books that had titles depicting what he was looking for. There was a chair, an oil lamp, and a table. He put Isobel down and called for Dobby.

“What can Dobby be doing for Master?” Dobby said as he appeared. He was looking spiffy in his toddler’s jumper and trousers.

“Can you get Isobel’s tree, and me some biscuits and a fizzy drink?” Harry asked his friend.

“I can,” Dobby said, snapping his fingers and the tree appeared in the corner of the room, mini sun, and all. There was a plate of cookies and a glass of soda on the table.

“Thanks, Dobby,” Harry said, and he started reading. His hand reached for a biscuit, and he brought it to his mouth without even removing his eyes from the book.

Isobel was climbing her tree, bound and determined to get her nap in.

“Dobby is more than happy to help,” the little guy said and then he popped away.

Harry read through lunch and would have read through dinner if Isobel hadn’t told him to go and eat. “You can come back,” she insisted.

“Fine,” he said, putting the second book down and going to the door. “We’re going to have to have Sirius do the ritual,” he said as they went, Isobel on his shoulders.

“Why?”

“If I do it, it might pull the horcrux from my head, which is what we’re trying to avoid,” he explained, munching on a biscuit as he entered the Great Hall. He plopped down next to Neville.

“Where have you been?” Hermione asked, a bit pushy, but not nearly as bad as a few years ago.

“Studying,” he answered honestly.

“Oh,” was all she could say to that.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” Luna asked, having joined their table for meals, since three years ago.

“Not quite, I’m not sure,” Harry said, thinking of three spells that might work. However, he wanted Sirius to look them over.

“I’m sure you will,” she said, beaming at him.

“Thanks, Luna,” he smiled back at her. “Say, Luna. Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?” he asked, still grinning at her.

“That would be lovely,” she said, her smile getting wider.

“It’s a date then,” he said, getting nudged by Neville.

They ate their dinner in compatible conversation and Harry went back to the RoR and continued his search for the spell he wanted. It took the rest of the night, he spent it all in that chair, but he found the right one. He went back to his bed and grabbed some sleep.

The next afternoon, he called Sirius on the mirror, and explained the situation.

“You mean to tell me you want me to capture Voldy’s soul and put it in a jar, so you and Isobel can keep it on a shelf? Have I got that right?” Sirius asked, flabbergasted. He was caught completely flatfooted.

“Well, yes. Is that going to be a problem?” Harry asked, tilting his head a bit in confusion.

“Is that going to be a problem he says,” the dogman mumbled. “You really don’t see the issue with this?” he asked, staring at his godson.

“No, I really don’t,” Harry stated, still looking at Sirius like he was blowing it all out of proportion.

“What if Voldy gets free?” was the next question.

“The jar is breakproof, and Isobel will be freezing him on a regular basis,” Harry assured the man.

“Fine, you know what, I’ll do it,” Sirius said, mostly because it would be the greatest prank he ever pulled. The whole world would never know what happened to the Great Voldemort and he’d be in a jar on the Potter’s shelf getting dusty.

Harry gave him the ritual and it had to be done on Halloween. Sirius said he’d get it done and Harry trusted him.

Harry and Luna had a great time on their date, and they had many more during the month. Then came Halloween. The boy and his snake tried to relax that night, but they were wound up tight. They went to the feast and celebrated with everyone else. Isobel only petrified Snape and Dumbledore because she really hated them.

“I got him,” Sirius told Harry over the mirror, showing him the jar with the wraith.

“That’s great,” Harry said, all but jumping up and down as he sat on his bed. The rest of the dorm was asleep. “Do you want to meet at the Shrieking Shack?”

“Yeah, let’s meet there,” his godfather agreed, looking a bit wiped out from the ritual. “I don’t want to be around this… man any longer than I have to,” he added, holding the jar at arm’s length.

“No problem, we’ll be there in ten,” Harry said disconnecting. “Isobel, wake up,” he told his snake.

“Get bent,” she hissed back as she snuggled further down in her coils.

“Sirius got the wraith,” he said, trying to entice her.

“I don’t fucken care,” she insisted, never even opening her eyes.

“Fine, I’ll leave you here,” he said, grabbing his invisibility cloak. He made his way down and after hugging and thanking Sirius, Harry took the jar. “I can’t thank you enough for this,” he said, looking at the angry wraith trying to break the jar.

“I’d do anything for you, kid,” Sirius said, seriously.

“I’m not a kid,” Harry said, though his smile took any firmness away.

“I know, you’re all grown up now,” Sirius said, looking at him as if with new eyes.

“I’ll always be your godson,” the teen said with gravity.

“You’d better get back. McGonagall is quite the bitch when she wants to be,” his godfather said, going to leave himself.

“When do you think the Order is going to understand the Voldy is gone?” Harry asked, holding up the jar.

“As long as you have your scar, I think Dumbledore is going to make them fight,” Sirius sighed, slumping his shoulders.

“I’m not going to take the blame for that. That’s all on the old man,” the teen stated, shrugging his shoulders.

“I agree. I’ve tried to tell them numerous times that the dark lord is gone, but Albus insists that it is not true,” the dogman said, then he hugged Harry one more time and gently pushed him to the tunnel. “Get to bed, it’ll be a long day for you tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Harry agreed and started running down the tunnel, throwing his cloak over his head, the jar deep in his trouser pocket.

Hphphp

It was a quiet year for everyone. No dark lord, no Death Eaters, no Draco, no creatures out to eat Harry or kill the student body. No one disappeared, no one was killed, no one tested Harry’s daring. Only magical tests, written tests, and more school tests. Which Harry was pretty sure he did well on. He was just glad this was his last year of school.

Though his ring did vibrate a few times, much to Isobel’s displeasure. Harry never did find out who tried to potion him, but he didn’t care, he avoided it that was all he cared about.

“You should let me bite those skanks,” Isobel ranted, slithering back and forth in front of him on his bed.

“Why? It’s over and nothing happened. Thanks to you and this marvelous ring,” Harry said, fingering the ring in question. “Besides, you don’t know who they are,” he pointed out.

“But what if you didn’t have that fucking ring? I might not be able to stop you from a bloody love crazed frenzy,” she persisted, not liking that scenario.

“Well, that’s not going to happen, so quit fretting,” he said, rubbing the top of her head, just where she liked it.

Once it was found out that he had a way to detect potions, the attempts stopped. That and many girls that looked in his direction, that weren’t Luna Lovegood, were petrified. It got to the point that even a glance his way could get you frozen. Many weren’t taking the chance anymore.

The school year ended with Hermione being top of the class, no big surprise there. Harry was in the top ten, which was nice to see, with Neville not far behind. Ron, well since his broken friendship with the group, his grades slipped. He was in the lower twenties. He still graduated so that was all that counted.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here,” Isobel said, more than willing to be rid of Hogwarts.

“This has been your home for over a thousand years, aren’t you going to miss it?” Harry asked, looking around at the stone walls and the open windows.

“I’m a fucking snake. I want heat, light and dry air. Not the fucking cold, damp and dark,” she stated, coiling up on his lap. They were seated on his bed, waiting for time for the train to leave.

“How did you survive in such conditions?” he wondered aloud.

“Magic,” she said, humming at his fingers scratching at her Spellotape. “If I wasn’t a magical snake, I would have died,” she stated, adjusting her head.

“I guess I can see that,” he said, then the bell tolled, and it was time to leave. “Well, I am going to miss this place,” he stated, putting her on his shoulders and getting his trunk.

“That’s because you’re a fucking idiot,” she stated as fact.

“Whatever,” he said with a laugh as he went to the train.

Hphphp

Time went on and Harry and Luna got married and had children. Each of those two children were parselmouths. They also had the most colorful language of all the children of Hogwarts.

Harry was a Quidditch star and Luna was a Magizoologist. Isobel stayed in the family and when Harry was over a hundred years old, they decided to throw Voldy’s soul jar through the Veil of Death and have the goblins take care of the last horcrux.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Isobel asked the elderly Harry. She was snuggly wrapped around his midriff with her head on his shoulder.

“Yes,” the old man said, going to the Veil and tossing the jar through.

The goblin that had come with them came up to him and tapped his famous scar with a crystal and pulled out the horcrux. Then threw it through the Veil too.

“Harry, can you understand me?” Isobel asked, putting her face up to her friend’s face. He was quite used to it. They had been friends for ninety years.

“Yes,” Harry said in English. “Huh, I can understand it, but I can’t speak it,” he said, and looked her in the eyes. “Your gaze doesn’t seem to be affecting me either,” he pointed out.

“I guess having the fucking horcrux in for so long had an effect on you,” she said, nuzzling his chin. “I’m so fucking happy,” she stated, curling around him. “We knew it had some fucking effect on you when the kids were born bloody parselmouths,” she pointed out.

“There is that,” he said, scratching her chin. She didn’t wear glasses anymore. She was completely blind now. Her sight gave out fifty years ago. Harry was her eyes. She could still petrify someone if they looked in her eyes, but she couldn’t see them. It was all blobs to her now.

“Well, thus ends the legend of Voldemort,” Isobel stated, with a sarcastic tone.

“Hooray,” Harry said, just as sarcastically.

“Do you think the Order will stop hunting him now?” she asked as they moved out of the Ministry of Magic.

“Merlin, I hope so,” he said, laughing. The Order in one form or another was still hunting down rumors of Voldemort even after all these years.

“Fucking Idiots,” was all Isobel had to say on that.

“Well at least you have me,” Harry said, going to the apparation point to go home. His bones were achy, and he wanted to kiss his wife.

“No, motherfucker, at least you have me,” Isobel said, snapping her jaws at him.

“Yes, Isobel, at least I have you,” he agreed. His life would have been so much different if not for the near-sighted basilisk that banged her way into it. Of that, he was sure.