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Chapter Text

Sunbeam watched her leader with fear as she sat still, her paws trembling when Tigerstar's paws thumped heavily against the den floor. He was pacing back-and-forth, and Sunbeam could feel the tension growing around the leaders' den.

Berryheart sat beside her, narrowing her eyes deep into slits as he stopped, and whipped himself to glare down at her. "What are we going to do?" She hissed, "this was all your fault! You shouldn't have let that mange-ridden ThunderClanner into our camp!"

"It wasn't that I let him in our camp," Tigerstar growled. "It is that I let him visit his clan! He convinced Bramblestar to step down, and now Squirrelflight will probably start a war!"

Sunbeam looked down at her paws, and suddenly her heart was lurching, and her claws began clenching the dirt beneath her paws. She hated Nightheart with every fiber of her being. He betrayed her by purposely sabotaging his final task to finally join her clan and be with her. But it was a lie. He never loved her.

She still remembered the day that happened. Her throat tightened with anticipation when he was gripping his claws on the branch. But he didn't make the smart move to climb on the higher branch, instead he landed on a flimsy branch where the nest of bird eggs would lay. The day when he came up to her after the failure, telling her that he 'loved' her, but he needed to be with his family.

It was like he threw me away like I was some rotten piece of fresh-kill.

"We need something to help us," Cloverfoot mewed solemnly right beside Tigerstar, her tail brushing against his side with her eyes closed patiently. "Maybe we could send some cats to patrol around the edge of ThunderClan's hollow. No, that'd be too risky."

Sunbeam had felt her eyes darken that day when he left her, the world felt more dimmer than usual, and she found no comfort in talking with either of her old friends; Blazefire and... Lightleap. She felt as if every cat in the den heard the loud pounds of her heart beating when she thought of her old crush, who she thought had felt the same way, but now guilt swarmed her chest like a bee's nest when she realized that she had pushed Lightleap away.

"Hmm.... Maybe we could send out a spy." Cloverfoot breathed, her words spilling out of her mouth.

Sunbeam shot her eyes wide open. She immediately stood to her paws, her tail puffed out with a widened smile. "I think you might be onto something..."

Chapter Text

Sunbeam furrowed her brows when she was showered with sudden attention from Nightheart's friends. A golden tabby tom was shouldering his way between his sister with his eyes lit with interest as they examined every part of Sunbeam. It made her feel uncomfortable when Sparkpelt introduced herself to Sunbeam, though she had to act friendly to the flame-colored she-cat.

She was now laying around a boulder with a patch of sunshine seeping through her pelt. The warmth that rippled through her skin made her feel only slightly comfortable, because now she was laying beside Myrtlebloom and the creepily interested golden tabby who was Bayshine. Nightheart's pelt pressed against her own, and she immediately wanted to claw him away and hiss at him to never get near her ever again. But she couldn't. Even if she wanted to.

"Sunbeam snores way less than some of our denmates," Bayshine suddenly squeaked pointedly over at his sister.

Shut up, shut up! I don't care! She wanted to yowl out. She was starting to regret ever agreeing to become a spy for ShadowClan. She hated getting near any ThunderClanner. Her claws were sliding through the rock beneath her paws, though she instantly sheathed her claws and creased a forced smile around the edges of her mouth.

"Are you saying I snore?!" Myrtlebloom shot back.

"Maybe." Bayshine winked at her.

"I didn't hear you snore," Sunbeam interjected. The best way she could at least be a good spy was to gain their trusts.

"See?" Myrtlebloom snorted at Bayshine, who bounced right up to his paws. Sunbeam found it so annoying that the small tom wouldn't stop moving. Even when he was laying down with his paws tucked underneath his chest, his tail kept flicking and flicking like a fidgety squirrel. "I fixed up your nest for you," she added to Sunbeam.

"Really?" Sunbeam mewed. At least Myrtlebloom was more fine than the rest of Nightheart's friends. She wasn't annoying, she was kind of nice to Sunbeam. Though she still hated Myrtlebloom, because she was a ThunderClan cat. And she would never forget what Nightheart did to her. "...Thanks..." She choked out, her heart shuddering violently.

"I helped," Nightheart mewed quickly, which made Sunbeam feel a raging fire burn around her ears all the way to the tip of her tail. I don't want to hear your stupid voice! "We wove the ferns togethered and lined it with moss." Sunbeam wanted to rip her claws through his throat, instantly killing him, but she somehow resisted to do so.

"Yeah, do you want to see?" Bayshine chimed in, his paws impatiently bouncing up-and-down against the stone.

"Errr---no, thanks."

"I hope the warriors den isn't too crowded for you!" Bayshine gave her a warm look.

That was one of the things she hated about ThunderClan. They had too many warriors! So the warriors' den always had a tail flicking against her face, and several cats snoring loudly all around her. "It is kind of crowded," she mewed instead. "...Not that I mind," she added hastily. "It's just... ShadowClans' warriors den was a bit bigger." She went on. "Your den is not small, it's just that..." She trailed off, realizing she probably said the wrong things.

Sunbeam flinched. Nightheart's tail was nudging against her flank, which seemed to be a comforting gesture, but in Sunbeam's case it felt like Nightheart was asking to just get his face clawed off. "It's always strange sleeping somewhere new," he purred reassuringly. Sunbeam didn't need his reassurance! She never wanted to get near this fox-hearted excuse of a warrior.

"E--excuse me, I need to get some fresh air." She sprang to her paws, shaking her pelt out to get the feel of Nightheart's touch away from her fur. "Alone... If you don't mind," she added hesitantly.

Nightheart's face drooped with disappointment. Good. "Oh, okay..." His tail drooped along the flat boulder that was planted on the earth.

But, before Sunbeam could dash away from the three cats... A small dark tabby she-cat with white patches, and Sparkpelt were padding toward them.

Bayshine's eyes sparkled mischievously, the disappointment darkening away from the edges of his excited amber eyes. "Remember that time Nightheart got stuck headfirst in a rabbit burrow?" The tom called over to the two she-cats. "And Lilyheart had to dig him out? You remember that, right?"

"Yes, I do remember that." Lilyheart's whiskers twitched. "But he managed to catch a rabbit anyway." She flitted her gaze affectionately over at the pure black tom.

Sunbeam resented that look of affection, he didn't even deserve all the friends he had managed to gain.

Sparkpelt halted beside her. "Nightheart always found his own way of doing things," her throat rumbled out a purr. "I really think he has the makings of a great warrior."

Sunbeam stifled a scoff. A great warrior? No, that was way too much of an understatement of what he really was like. He was arrogant, childish, and if this was what a great warrior was supposed to be, then maybe ThunderClan didn't have many good warriors to begin with.

Sunbeam lowered her head, watching Squirrelflight's bushy tail disappear into the casting shadows that appeared out of the clumps of gorse and bracken that shrouded around the entrance of the leaders' den. She had to remember her mission, to spy on ThunderClan for ShadowClan, not get all resentful around some ThunderClan cat who betrayed her.

Her gaze flitted below the highledge, her eyes squinting deeply as she stared at the stretching body of the former leader Bramblestar. The dark brown tabby tom was saying something to a group of ThunderClan warriors who were around the fresh-kill pile, though Sunbeam was too far to hear his words clearly. Her fur prickled, frustration surging through her chest with her claws digging into the earth.

She had to get closer, somehow. She leaped off from the flat ledge, nodding back at Bayshine and Myrtlebloom a farewell... And she turned her head over to Nightheart, who had a smile sharpen around his cheeks. A glimmer of hope lit through his eyes as the sunlit around the flat ledge, light seeping through his black pelt.

She hesitated... And she choked out a farewell; "Bye, Nightheart. I'll see you later... I promise..." She turned away, and slithered down the main-clearing of the camp.

She was still getting used to navigating through the camp. She knew the flat cave with the tightened entrance and cobwebs lined around the edges of the gap was the medicine den. The faint scent of herbs stenched the den entrance, so she usually stayed away from the den. The den that was made with ferns and woven moss around the roof was the nursery, with sharp pointed thorns guarding the entrance of the den. Spotfur resided there, along with her kits who Sunbeam still had yet to meet.

Ah, there. The den that was the warriors' den was a dip in the ground under shrouds of thorn bushes, with branches twisting around the thorn bushes protectively. But she wasn't going there. Instead she slipped between the warriors' den and the nursery, her paws tucked in close around her, and her gaze travelling the main clearing of the camp until they halted around the small group of cats.

Squirrelflight was now standing beside Bramblestar in the open clearing, with a group of warriors that were around the fresh-kill pile now standing around the two cats.

A white she-cat with gray patches crossed the clearing. "...Never too late to catch prey," her voice trailed in. "A hunting patrol could go out with a border patrol once Squirrelflight and Bramblestar have left."

"It sounds like a good idea to me," Bramblestar replied. "Are we ready to leave, Squirrelflight?" He turned his head over to the current ThunderClan leader.

At the sound of her name, Squirrelflight finally looked around. "Almost," she glanced at a dark ginger tom who was filled with the stench of herbs. That's one of the medicine cats... He was darting around nervously with a bundle of herbs dangling from his mouth, gathering up poppy seeds that Jayfeather was scattering as he tried to ease them with his claws from a dried seed. "You should have something to eat," she called over to Alderheart with a worried glance at her son, and then... her gaze flashed at Nightheart. "And you," she mewed.

Sunbeam felt her heart stop.

"Me?" Nightheart's voice was distant, but it was loud enough for Sunbeam to hear. She wanted to rage about as she realized what was about to happen.

"I want you to come with us."

Chapter Text

The sun was now dipping below the edges of the stone hollow, the stars beginning to appear around the dull blue sky.

Ivypool had been chosen as ThunderClan's deputy, and thankfully the gray-and-white molly still needed time to figure out Sunbeam's first task, and she had until one day to decide what it would be about.

Hopefully it won't be difficult, like what my mother did with Nightheart, Sunbeam thought.

Nightheart's tail disappeared into the shadowy darkness that had been set by the thorn bushes clamped around the corners of the main entrance. Sunbeam felt her paws trembling. She had to figure out a way to follow them.

Though, her hatred of Nightheart raged like a forest fire from her ears all the way to the tip of her tail. ThunderClan cats were now departing from the main clearing and disappearing into their dens, though some warriors stayed up for a bit, chatting and sharing tongues with their clanmates.

Sunbeam had been sitting nearby the main entrance with her tail curled around her forepaws. She had forced herself occasionally to speak with cats like Sparkpelt or Myrtlebloom, but every time she had, she felt as if there was something stuck in her throat.

She staggered to her paws after a while, deciding that she had to go follow them whether she liked it or not. The moon rose above the drifting clouds, illuminating its light around the stone hollow that was just below the overlooming oak trees. She was now laying with her belly exposed on her nest, the fronds of the ferns brushing against her pelt. It seemed like every cat in the overcrowded den was asleep, so she flipped herself back up, and she slithered down the den.

She dodged around the nests, and she emerged from the entrance of the den with thorns nudging against the back of her pelt. She blinked over at the main entrance. A tortoiseshell molly, with bright, big amber eyes was guarding the camp entrance with her paws fidgeting around the grass in boredem. Sunbeam had not noticed her at first because of her dark pelt blending in with the night, though the stars lit above the clouds made her eyes shimmer.

Sunbeam flinched, her ears flattening. She looked sort of like Nightheart, though more taller and with tortoiseshell patterns. She needed to find a way to sneak past the molly.

My pelt is dark enough to blend in, right? She thought, her eyes looking down at her paws. No, there were some white patches around her brown tabby fur, so she'd probably get spotted.

"Hello."

Sunbeam jumped, her pelt prickling and her eyes widened with shock. She flitted her gaze over at the tortoiseshell, who had been eyeing her from afar. I shouldn't have gotten out of the den!

"Umm, hi." Sunbeam decided to reply, trying to sound as casual as possible. "You are...?"

"Finchlight," she mewed, a smile appearing around the edges of her mouth, but Sunbeam wasn't fully sure because of the pitch black. "You must be Sunbeam. I'm Nightheart's sister."

Sunbeam shuddered, remembering Myrtlebloom mention Finchlight and how she was Nightheart's littermate. She felt uncomfortable every time she had to interact with any of Nightheart's family, so she'd definitely hate speaking with Finchlight.

"Nightheart mentioned you before..." Sunbeam forced the words out of her throat, impatience was now rising and burning from her tail to her ears.

Finchlight dipped her head. "It is nice to finally meet you." She finally replied. "Why are you already awake? The moon is still up."

Sunbeam flinched, her ears flattening against the back of her head. "Err--y'know! I'm still not used to hunting without any darkness." She mewed nervously, her stomach churning painfully with anger. "What... are you doing up so late...?"

Finchlight's smile widened, her big eyes were shone with happiness as the moonlight travelled around her tortoiseshell pelt. "I was assigned to guard the camp entrance." She responded, springing to her paws with her tail raised high up.

Sunbeam widened her eyes, that explained why Finchlight was awake in such a late time. The molly scrambled to her paws, pushing herself through the entrance of the warriors' den.

She was now padding down the main clearing of the camp, the moonlight streaking around her paws. She suddenly skidded to a halt around the main entrance, with Finchlight giving a soft smile around the corner.

"I'd love to join you," Finchlight purred. Sunbeam stiffened, her whole body shuddering as the tortoiseshell gazed intently at her.

No! I don't want you to come with me! Sunbeam thought, her claws digging into the ground beneath her. Her plan was already falling apart! How could she sneak off to spy on them, if FInchlight was following her every paw step?

"N--no, thank you--"

"No, please, I insist," Finchlight was now scrabbling to her paws, and when they finally stood still, Finchlight whirled toward the dark gorse tunnel of the camp entrance.

She beckoned her tail over at Sunbeam. "Come on," she mewed, excitement fizzing her tone. "I want to show you around the territory!"

Sunbeam hesitated. She needed to spy on Squirrelflight and Bramblestar... But how could she? She couldn't just suddenly disappear into the undergrowth while Finchlight was distracted, she'd sabotage her mission!

So, she gave a reluctant nod. She knew she'd come back without any valuable information related to possible war with ShadowClan, and when she'd report to Cloverfoot and Berryheart, they would definitely be disappointed by that. But, she had to give in, for the sake of not acting suspicious.

I can try to spy on them some other way. Sunbeam decided, and she bounded away from the entrance of the warriors' den, and approached Finchlight.

I know I'm already going to hate this.

Chapter Text

Sunbeam stuck her tongue out when she had realized this forest was full of ThunderClan scent.

She had never enjoyed the smell of ThunderClan, even during the days when she... When I actually thought he loved me.

She shook her head. She needed to remember her mission! She and Finchlight padded deeper into the undergrowth, with Sunbeam's ears flattened as the silence grew more and more awkward. Should she say something? But she felt so uncomfortable when she ever spoke with a ThunderClan cat... Especially one who was a sibling of Nightheart.

Finally, Finchlight spoke; "So, do you like it? I've seen this forest like... A billion times, but you're new here!"

Sunbeam forced her ears to stay pricked. "Yeah," she choked out. "It's... Nice."

Finchlight abruptly stopped, and Sunbeam felt a flash of irritation in her chest. She skidded to a halt, turning over to Finchlight, who had her head tipped.

"What?" Sunbeam asked, narrowing her eyes.

"You seem... Tense, lately." Finchlight admitted. "Is something bothering you?..." She thought for a moment. "...Is it Nightheart?" She reluctantly added.

Sunbeam wanted to say yes. She wanted to tell his sister about how he was the stupidest tom in the world, and how she was stupider for being the sibling of that tom. I hate him. I hate you. I hate Sparkpelt... I hate everyone in ThunderClan!

Instead, she said; "No, I'm happy with Nightheart." She mewed, 'Nightheart' spilling out of her mouth like a disease. "He is perfect for me. We are... Perfect for each other."

Finchlight flattened her ears against her head. "Then what is bothering you?" She pressed. "Is Myrtlebloom being rude? She tends to do that to a lot of cats---"

"No!" Sunbeam hissed, her pelt bristling. Why are you just so... frustrating?! "I'm fine! Everyone is nice to me, I don't have a problem with any cat!"

Finchlight opened her mouth to protest, but quickly snapped it shut, probably thinking that Sunbeam would feel uncomfortable. She instead padded on, a smile creased around her muzzle.

"Come," she said. "I have something to show you! And I bet it's not in ShadowClan."

Sunbeam growled softly. What was so important? Whatever it was, it was not as important as trying to get information for ShadowClan. She was a spy! She had more important things to do!

And one of those things definitely weren't 'explore the territory with your ex-mate's sister'. Every time she was beside her, she felt this uneasiness. She just wanted to disappear into ShadowClan camp and never come back. She wanted to get as far away from Nightheart's friends and family as soon as possible. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to this stupid spying thing. I only did this to spite Nightheart anyway.

But, she pushed those thoughts to the back of her head. She had to be loyal for ShadowClan, her leader, and... Her mother, Berryheart...

She felt dark thoughts hit her like a monster as she thought of her mother. It was all coming back to her; when she began to love Nightheart. She remembered when she thought of Berryheart as this traitor, this cat who kept picking fights with the Clan-swappers, and she felt embarrassment when her mother kept trying to speak out about the clan-swappers.

But she soon realized; her mother was right about all of that.

Her thoughts stopped suddenly once a bright, yellow fly flew right on her nose.

She stared at Finchlight, who gave her an excited smile. And when she was going to stare back at the strange fly... She realized that more of them were flying in a large group, bringing a small percentage of sunlight around the dark forest.

She blinked a few times when the fly had flown away, going back to the group of bright flies.

"What are those?" She asked, her eyes sparkling with interest.

"Those are fireflies," Finchlight explained, her voice soft. "They appear usually in the night. Are you telling me you don't have these in your territory?" She gave a surprised, yet teasing look, sitting down right beside Sunbeam.

Sunbeam stiffened. She felt both her and FInchlight's pelts touching, and she immediately scooted away, her heart pounding hard against her chest. She felt a sense of urge to run off, she wanted to claw Finchlight's face for even making physical-contact with Sunbeam! She thought she saw a flash of hurt when Sunbeam had inched away, but if there had been a flash, it quickly disappeared.

"No," she mewed, suddenly remembering Finchlight's question. "And, if it does, I sure never saw them."

But, when Sunbeam looked back at the glowing flies, she felt a sense of... Comfort? Calmness? She didn't know what. She watched the moving lights intently, admitting to herself that... She should actually thank Finchlight for bringing her here. She should thank her for letting her see these.

She suddenly shook her head. NO. NO! Don't thank someone like her! Don't thank someone who has a similar pelt to him!

"W--We should go back," Sunbeam abruptly mewed, turning away from the glowing fireflies, even though she wanted to stay with those a little longer.

Finchlight hurried after her. "B--But, Sunbeam--" Finchlight stammered.

"It's getting late." Sunbeam interrupted before Finchlight could say anything else. "The sun is coming soon, and you're probably exhausted from guarding the camp all day."

Sunbeam didn't want to look at Finchlight. All she saw was Nightheart. Nightheart all over. She wanted to claw her eyes out every time she looked at the large tortoiseshell.

Finchlight stared at Sunbeam for a moment. "Okay," she sighed. "Let's go back."

Chapter Text

Sunbeam jolted awake, realizing a cat was nudging her shoulder. Her whiskers twitched, gazing up at the cat who woke her up.

She thought she was curled up in the ShadowClan warriors den. She thought she would be woken up by one of her siblings, or Blazefire, or Lightleap... But when she fluttered her eyes open, she stiffened once she realized it was the new ThunderClan deputy; Ivypool.

Ivypool towered over her, blinking down at the brown-and-white tabby. "It is time," she announced. "Your first task has been set up."

Sunbeam slowly blinked at her. She didn't want to do it. She just wanted to run away, back to her clan, back to her home. Back to where she belonged, with her mother. She wanted to just stay with her parents and her siblings at all times... Even Spireclaw. Especially Spireclaw. She would never admit it to her mother, but she and Spireclaw still kept in touch, even after Nightheart leaving. She would constantly try to get him to join her mother, but Spireclaw would hiss at her, telling her that he would never leave his mate.

Which is mouse-brained. Sunbeam told herself. Why would he be with that... Clan-swapper? A SkyClan cat, too. She hissed quietly to herself, her claws digging into the nest she laid on.

"Come on," Ivypool beckoned her tail over at her by the entrance.

"Coming." Sunbeam groaned, staggering to her paws. She let out a tired yawn, the walk with FInchlight had exhausted her, and she just wished she could flop down on her nest and rest. But, for now, she needed to do her task.

For a dumb tom I hate, she gritted her teeth. For a dumb tom who'd choose his stupid family over his own mate. He shouldn't have come to my clan, then!

She had emerged out of the den entrance, blinking rapidly a few times as the sunlight had seeped through her pelt. She began to pad down the main-clearing of the camp, letting out another yawn. She had thought about the walk she and Finchlight had. She remembered when she and Finchlight had seen the fireflies. She remembered when their pelts had pressed close, it just made her shudder.

Her claws clenched the hollow earth. I need to forget about this. She decided, looking down at her trembling paws. All she saw was Nightheart, the cat who abandoned her and left her with her mother. Which is GOOD. Berryheart made me better in every way. 

Sunbeam glanced up, and her heart dropped once she realized that Sparkpelt, and FInchlight were padding up to her.

"Nervous about your first trial?" Sparkpelt asked, halting in front of Sunbeam. She wanted run as fast as she could, but Sunbeam dug her claws into the earth, making sure she stayed where she was. "Don't be, you'll be great."

Finchlight gave a small nod, her gaze flashing with concern as she looked down at Sunbeam's claws. Sunbeam quickly forced them in, straightening her posture to look more confident.

"I know," Sunbeam said quietly, dipping her head. She wanted to sink into the earth and never come back out. Sparkpelt was just so.... Annoying? Frustrating, like her daughter?

Of course, they are Nightheart's family! They'd be annoying, arrogant, frustrating, basically every bad thing about Nightheart perfectly describes his family!

Suddenly, she felt her heart lurch. She felt her heart exploding in a bad way, she felt it getting ripped out of her chest and torn into pieces once she saw... Nightheart, eagarly bounding over to the three cats...

"Oh, hey Nightheart." Finchlight purred as he shouldered his way between mother and sister.

Nightheart nodded a greeting to both of them, but Sunbeam knew that he was here for her. She suddenly wanted to grab him by the scruff and throw him into the sky, her paws twitching as if resisting the urge to swipe at him. His eyes brightened as the sunlit through his dark pelt, and he purred.

Sunbeam was just about ready to murder this tom.

"Sunbeam! I've missed you," he leaned his head forward to nuzzle her, but Sunbeam backed one step away, her pelt bristling as he blinked at her. "...Are you okay?"

Sunbeam wanted to tell him; No, why would I be? You're here, trying to act like a 'loving' mate, pretending as if you didn't abandon me... I hate you. I hope you realize that. I want you gone.

"Y--yeah, I'm fine." She choked out, her words strangling her throat. She stared at Nightheart, with his stupid lovey-dovey eyes, his dumb excited look as if she actually loved him. She felt rage burn inside of her. She wanted to scream at Nightheart and drive him out of ThunderClan.

Nightheart smiled. "I will make sure to be there," he promised. Like you were there for me when I was alone, sleeping in the warriors den, sobbing because my 'mate' decided to leave me?

"Sunbeam!" Ivypool called from behind the three cats, crowded by several Thunderclanners bombarding Ivypool with questions.

Sunbeam sprang to her paws excitedly, finally, an excuse to leave! She padded down the camp, approaching Ivypool, who was among the chaotic mix of pelt-colors.

"This trial may be unusual," Ivypool warned once Sunbeam skidded to a stop, fragments of dust coating her forelegs.

I don't care if I have to pick dirt from the dirtplace, all I want is to get away from these cats.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunbeam had felt just... So tired. Her eyes had grown weary after that exhausting task, which was actually... A nice trial. She had always wanted to be a mentor, and she was actually really glad she could be one for Spotfur's kits.

Sunbeam shook her head. Stop! Remember the mission! She shoved that to the front of her head, with sleep being right behind 'remembering the mission'. You have to spy... What are Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw doing now? She had remembered when Squirrelflight had announced that StarClan did not yet give Squirrelflight her nine lives. Sunbeam purred quietly to herself. That meant war would probably not happen if Squirrelflight were deputy, and with no war meant she could go back sooner to her clan, and betray Finchlight, Sparkpelt, and everyone!

Especially Nightheart. She thought once she had finally disappeared into the warriors den. The brambles nudging against her sides. She needed to rest, so she flopped down on her side on the nest made for her. She had to admit, it was very comfortable, and helped her sleep better than the ShadowClan scents.

She was lost in her thoughts, which had drifted off as she felt darkness overwhelm her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunbeam was shook awake, and she immediately sprang her head up, jolting awake with her heart pound pacing faster and faster. She turned her head over at culprit who had woken her up. Moonlight had filtered through the den, which had some light seeping through the gaps, and it was revealed to be...

Finchlight... She rolled her eyes, this was definitely not the cat she wanted to talk to right now.

"Sunbeam--"

"I want to sleep," Sunbeam grunted, stirring around her nest as she tried to curl up.

"Please, just listen." Finchlight pleaded.

Sunbeam's ear twitched in annoyance, but she lifted her head anyway, staring at the tortoiseshell who had her head hanging low to the soft ground of the warriors' den.

"I... I just wanted to say sorry," Finchlight stammered, "for being annoying. I understand if you think I am, I am annoying to a lot of cats."

Sunbeam narrowed her eyes, was that what Finchlight had woken her up for? If so, that was a stupid reason.

Although... Finchlight's apologetic gaze had met Sunbeam's and... She let out a small, defeated sigh as FInchlight's rounded eyes had defeated her. She was DEFINITELY not her friend, but she supposed a little forgiveness wouldn't hurt... Right...?

You feel bad for a ThunderClanner. She scolded herself. Tell her you hate her.

Tell her. Now.

She opened her mouth, and let the following words spill soothingly right out of her mouth;

"It's okay, I forgive you," she finally said. "I didn't think you were that annoying, anyway."

Finchlight blinked, hesitating for just a moment. "Then why are you so tense?" She asked, her gaze softening. "Why do you grip the ground like you're about to fall off? Why do you look so... Angry, all the time?" She gazed intently at Sunbeam, the moonlight making her amber eyes glint beautifully.

"I..." Sunbeam stammered, searching for words in her head. How was she supposed to tell her that her brother was the worst and she was actually a spy for ShadowClan? She couldn't tell her all of that. "I--I guess it is just because... I'm a little nervous. I don't know, being in a new clan overwhelms me, I guess." She let out a quick breath. "The amount of warriors I need to keep track of, the fact that I have so many eyes, watching my every move... And... I guess it's that I sort of... Miss ShadowClan."

Finchlight flashed a look of sympathy, and she leaned her head forward to rest it on Sunbeam's forehead to comfort the molly.

This time, Sunbeam didn't back away. She sidled closer to FInchlight, letting her rest her muzzle on her head.

"I never moved clans, so I don't really understand most of what you are experiencing..." She whispered gently. "...But I understand how you can miss your home, a certain cat..." Her breath hitched as she said the word 'cat', and Sunbeam felt sympathy flood all over her chest, wanting to comfort the large tortoiseshell. "But, just know that everything will be fine. You will make plenty of friends who you'll make new memories with, and you will get used to the overcrowded warriors den," she added teasingly. "But, for now, just know that me, Sparkpelt, and Nightheart are here for you."

Sunbeam cringed when Finchlight murmured out his name, and she felt rage burning up inside her belly. But... For some reason, Finchlight's reassurance had comforted her, even though she didn't have these problems.... Okay, maybe she missed being in ShadowClan, and she was stressed every time she had to memorize all the cats Myrtlebloom and Bayshine had introduced her to... Maybe she did have all these problems, she had realized...

"...Thanks." Sunbeam whispered hoarsely. She finally realized what Finchlight was doing, and she sidled away, back onto her own bedding. You let a ThunderClan cat touch you, she hissed to herself. Disgusting. you are disgusting. What would Berryheart think?

Sunbeam shook those thoughts away. She just let Finchlight rest her muzzle on her forehead because she had to! She didn't actually like it. She didn't like the warmth she felt when Finchlight did that. She didn't like the soothing feeling she felt... NO. She didn't! She hated Nightheart and his family. She had to stay loyal for ShadowClan. She had to spy on Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw.

"Well... Good night!" Sunbeam mewed awkwardly, and immediately curled up around her bedding, making sure Finchlight couldn't see her expression. She felt angry... Yet... Warm? Joy? Calm? She tried and tried to push those thoughts away, but they just came coming back and back.

No, don't do this.

Don't fall for her.

Don't do it.

She will be like Nightheart, she will leave you.

After many attempts, she finally shoved them back into the back of her recurring thoughts, and she squeezed her eyes shut, hoping this was all just a bad dream, hoping she would forget about it in the next morning...

Chapter Text

Sunbeam had been curled around her nest, not daring to move until she knew for sure that Finchlight was fast asleep. Everything had felt so awkward after that moment, and she just wanted to claw her eyes out every time she thought of it.

She didn't want to talk to Finchlight ever again. She never wanted to see Finchlight again! She hated ThunderClan cats, and she hated Nightheart, so surely she should hate Finchlight? Sparkpelt was definitely annoying, and she just wanted to shut Nightheart's mother up. She thought of how Sparkpelt gave her a loving glance, as if Sunbeam were her own daughter.

Finchlight felt herself shudder from ears to tail-tip when she remembered that. Her real mother would always be Berryheart, not some ThunderClan molly! Especially one who was related to Nightheart... She dug her claws into the moss of the nest, a low growl rumbling in her throat.

Suddenly, a faint rustling came from around the edges of the stone hollow, and the sounds of claws scraping echoed through her eardrums. They're here. She realized, the beats of her heart pacing faster as she began to scramble to her paws. She didn't expect them to be here so soon, and there wasn't much information she could give to the cats.

She looked down at her paws, which trembled violently as if she might fall of at any moment. Was she feeling fear? But she still had information, didn't she? Sure, there was only one piece that was important, but still!

She quickly slipped through a gap between Finchlight's nest and a brown tabby tom's nest, which had been decorated with stale feathers that seemed to be from... A hawk?! She stiffened, her heart pounding hard against her chest. Where could this cat get hawk feather from? A normal cat like him couldn't defeat a single hawk. He looked nimble and skinny, and his tail had looked like it mid-swept around a pure-black mollies back.

She shook her head, growling deep in her throat. She didn't have time to wonder about a ThunderClanners' life! She had more important things to do.

She slithered through the thorn bushes guarding the entrance, her pelt brushing against the brambles. She tried to keep her tail lifted as long as she could, careful not to let thorns poke her. She finally pushed through the thorns and brambles, letting out a soft breath. She whipped her head to look over at the top of the hollow... But no cat was there; just stones jutting out from the edge of the hollow.

...Stones... She had remembered Cloverfoot saying that the stones were meant to tell her to follow the cats. She forced that into the front of her mind, narrowing her eyes down at her paws as if mad at herself for being this stupid.

Nightheart had gone back to the moonpool with Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw... Again, she thought, grunting as she slipped between the thorn bushes around the main-entrance. She hated Nightheart, so very much, and she didn't care if he'd be okay there or not. She actually hoped a badger found him, sitting helplessly around the open clearing of the moonpool, and killed him. Her claws scraped across the dirt of the gorse tunnel, hissing softly.

After a while of stumbling up the gorse tunnel, she emerged from the numerous mounds of thorn barriers reinforcing the main-entrance to the camp, with thickets keeping the camp entrance hidden from predators lurking around ThunderClan territory.

She opened her mouth, and tasted the scent of the oak trees lining around the undergrowth. She could scent some prey, the oak trees and the leaves that were covered with bird nests, and the disgusting scent of ThunderClan, of course...

Her nose twitched as a distinct smell struck through her like lightning, pricking her ears, only to hear the sounds of an owl hooting through the trees, and crickets chirping as they crawled under her forepaws, but quickly hopped to any bushes near them as they realized who those giant things belong to.

Berryheart decided to venture down the undergrowth, her tail dragging along the grass beneath her paws. She could hear the crickets chirping louder, as if taunting her for thinking that they were here. Of course they weren't, she blinked down at her paws, furrowing her brows. They would have--

"Pssssssssstttt.... Sunbeam...." a whisper suddenly echoed from beside her, and when she whipped her head toward the whisper, she had realized there were several brushes rustling, as if signaling her to follow whatever was behind it.

Sunbeam decided to lower her head, leaning it slowly, towards the distinct brush that had been giving out faint rustles. "...Berryheart," she murmured. "Is... That you...?"

The rustling abruptly stopped. A sudden purr escaped through the leaves of the brush, and a voice came out of the foliage... More clear; "Hello, Sunbeam." Sunbeam felt reassurance flooding her entire body, knowing that the mother she loved was finally here. Here to comfort her after her long torment in ThunderClan.

"Come through the brushes, there is a clearing for where we can discuss the information you have gathered." Berryheart mewed, and suddenly, her tail had emerged out from the leaves, flicking her round tail over to the other side of the foliage. "With Cloverfoot and Tigerstar, of course," she added, though there was a slight taste of bitterness when she said 'Tigerstar'.

Now Sunbeam could hear murmurs through the brushes. Worried, panicked murmurs, which may have erupted into a whispering battle between the two cats.

Sunbeam swallowed. What was happening back there? Why were Cloverfoot and Tigerstar arguing? Was it over the possibility of war? Was it because sending Sunbeam out as a spy was a bad idea? Her forepaws shifted uncomfortably, and Berryheart had finally leaned her head through the messy foliage, revealing her black-and-white face. Her eyes gleamed against the moonlight shining around the brushes, and she impatiently flicked her tail.

"Come on," Berryheart hissed. "We have to discuss."

Sunbeam swallowed, but she lifted herself up, and straightened. She puffed her chest out as she disappeared into the mounds of brushes, the leaves nudging against her brown-and-white pelt.

It took a short while, but Sunbeam finally burst through the messy foliage, leaves sticking to her pelt as she squeezed away from the brushes. She spat, and a pile of leaves coughed out of her throat. H--how did they get in there? Was I swallowing leaves?

She shook her pelt out, and gradually the leaves that came from the brushes had flew out of her puffed out fur, and waved down onto the grass. She lifted her head, and flinched back once she realized that Cloverfoot and Tigerstar were just two fox-lengths away from her, hissing to each other quietly, and Cloverfoot gritting her teeth back at Tigerstar with a low growl rumbling in her throat.

Berryheart had emerged from the bushes, but had remained clean and unharmed. Sunbeam glanced down at her mother, who gave a small, proud smile at her own daughter.

Sunbeam felt her heart explode with joy. She's proud of me. My mother is proud of me for choosing this path. She thought, lifting her head with pride making her heart lurch a thousand of times.

Tigerstar huffed, stomping to the young molly, her pelt bristling indignantly. "So," he said as he finally skidded to a halt, narrowing his eyes down at Sunbeam. "What did you gather?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunbeam had been laying down with her paws tucked underneath her chest. She had been enjoying her meal of the day, which was a fat squirrel Thriftear had caught for her as a late-welcome gift. It was nice, and Thriftear was actually one of those ThunderClan cats Sunbeam had almost tolerated. Almost. She still couldn't shake that uncomfortable feeling she felt every time she was around a ThunderClanner. But she didn't want to get rid of that uncomfortable feeling. If she did, she could get along with her own enemies!

A cold wind had spiraled through the hollow, making Sunbeam shiver slightly.

"Mind if I join you?"

Sunbeam was really hoping that she was on patrol or something, but no. Just my luck. Sunbeam hissed softly.

"Go ahead, I don't mind." Sunbeam mewed, suddenly feeling regret swipe at her like a cat's claw as she felt Finchlight's pelt brushing against her own. She is laying down right next to me.

Finchlight had set down the mouse she was holding between her jaws, and once she raised her head, she let out a small sigh.

"So, how is ThunderClan?" She asked, frowning a little awkwardly.

Sunbeam paused her chewing, searching for answers that whirled everywhere around her head. "I--erm--I guess I like it here," she finally responded. "It's not exactly ShadowClan, but I am... enjoying it." She knew that was a lie. She knew she was lying to Finchlight, but why should she care? Why was she even caring that she was lying to this random molly who she barely called a friend.

She is exactly like Nightheart. She will abandon you the moment you even develop a slight connection with her.

I can't trust Finchlight, Myrtlebloom, Bayshine, Sparkpelt, Squirrelflight... I can't trust anyone who is friends or related to Nightheart. I can't trust anyone who is in ThunderClan.

Sunbeam gazed back at Finchlight, who drew a little smile across her muzzle.

"I'm at least glad you are adjusting," she mewed, a little spark of excitement glinting through her amber eyes. "A lot of cats here like you! Including me," she added, a purr suddenly erupting from the tortoiseshell. "I'm... Honestly kind of glad you came to ThunderClan..."

Sunbeam paused right when she was about to bite another piece of her squirrel, and she shot her head up. "You... Are?" She asked, flattening her ears. Suddenly, she could feel her heart pulse, and she immediately wanted to run away and bury herself in her nest.

Finchlight nodded. "You've really helped Nightheart become a better cat," she purred. "And... Maybe, you could help me become a better sibling... Especially to Nightheart." Her excitement that sparkled in her gaze suddenly faded, and she turned her head over at the other side of the main-clearing. "I've been horrible to him. He even says it himself."

Sunbeam suddenly shook her head, forcing her usual thoughts back into motion. I hate ThunderClan. I hate Finchlight. I hate Sparkpelt. I. Hate. Nightheart.

A commotion erupted from the main-entrance of ThunderClan camp, and Sunbeam immediately lifted her head, and looked around the camp to see where the commotion was. Her eyes shot wide in astonishment, as she had realized, Squirrelflight was back with Brambleclaw, and several of their clanmates were curiously huddled around them.

Sunbeam winced, knowing that a particularly annoying tom would be amongst those cats. She scanned nervously around the mess of colors from the cats whose tones seemed to have... Worried mews in them...

Sunbeam felt realization strike through her head.

Nightheart is missing.

Chapter Text

Sunbeam had looked down at her paws, hoping she'd at least feel a little happy that Nightheart was finally gone. She wanted to celebrate about the fact that he was missing.

Instead she felt... Numb. She couldn't understand why. She watched as Squirrelflight had explained to her clanmates that she had finally gotten her nine lives. Oh no. She wasn't hoping for this. Squirrelflight was Squirrelstar now. What if she waged war on ShadowClan? What if SkyClan allied with ThunderClan?

"Squirrelstar!" She heard Myrtlebloom call.

"Squirrelstar!" Another cat echoed, though as Sunbeam peered through the mountain of pelts, she couldn't find who exactly had said that.

She was so caught up in her thoughts, that she didn't notice Finchlight pushing her way through the huddled crowd, standing beside her mother.

Her eyes flashed with worry. "Where is Nightheart?" She asked, flattening her ears.

Sunbeam felt her heart jolt, but why? Why did she suddenly feel... Worried? She wondered what Squirrelstar would answer; would she reveal that he died? That he suddenly went missing?... She shifted her paws, hoping it was the latter.

Wait. No. NO! She hated Nightheart, she should celebrate! She was actually happy he was gone. She actually hoped he got killed!

Squirrelstar shook her head, frowning a little. "He left while we were in StarClan."

"Left?" Sunbeam suddenly hissed, springing to her paws, and pushing her way through the crowd. "What do you mean, left?"

"He was gone when we came out of the hollow," Squirrelstar replied, turning her head over at Sunbeam.

Of course, OF COURSE! He is just.... THE SAME OLD NIGHTHEART! Always leaving me behind!

"...Maybe he went out hunting?" Bayshine murmured, looking down at his paws. His eyes flashed with what seemed to be hurt.

"Has he left ThunderClan again?" Myrtlebloom shot a look of surprise. Why are you surprised? Of course he'd do that.

Sparkpelt chimed in, "did you search for him?"

Sunbeam gazed curiously over at Finchlight, who had been sitting beside her mother with her head down. Sunbeam blinked at her, but then flinched when Finchlight looked over at Sunbeam, and felt so awkward when the molly tried to give a reassuring smile.

Sunbeam quickly turned her head back at Squirrelstar, who had been answering her clanmates' questions.

Sunbeam didn't know what to feel about Nightheart's sudden disappearance, though. Should she feel enormous joy, or should she feel enraged that he had left her once again? For some reason, rage was all she had, because it kept clawing her chest, and she just wanted to scream and cry and find Nightheart herself and drive him out of ThunderClan.

So she immediately whipped herself around, and bolted through an opening around the crowd.

She just wanted to be alone right now.

_________________________________________________________________

Sunbeam laid curled around her nest, her tail thudding against the ground. The bushes rustled, and her ear twitched as a cat's pawsteps echoed around the den.

"Sunbeam?"

Sunbeam's only response was a grunt when she heard Finchlight's voice. She really didn't want to talk to her right now.

"Why are you mad?" The molly asked when Sunbeam turned to look at her. "...It's because of Nightheart, isn't it?"

"Of course it's because of Nightheart!" Sunbeam snapped without thinking. "He just... leaves again, and this time, without telling me!" A growl rumbled deep in her throat. And what's more frustrating; I'm not happy about it... I'm just... I don't know!

Finchlight flattened her ears, her tail brushing reassuringly at Sunbeam's back. "Nightheart wouldn't just leave without a reason," she soothed. "I know him. I am his sister, after all. I mean, why wouldn't I know him?" she tried to joke, but cleared her throat when Sunbeam just blinked confusingly at her. "Anyways, Nightheart loves you. I promise."

I don't love him though. She thought. He is just... the worst. And I want to hate you.

Finchlight laid beside Sunbeam, tucking her paws underneath her chest. Their pelts brushed, and Sunbeam suddenly wanted to run away.

"Trust me," Finchlight insisted, nudging Sunbeam's shoulder with hers. "Nightheart loves you. He talks about you all day, it's kind of cute!" She twitched her whiskers in amusement.

Sunbeam didn't say anything, she didn't even move. She didn't want to talk to Finchlight about that dumb and stupid tom! She just wanted to be with her mother, her family, and her clan already!

The ferns rustled around the den opening, and when Sunbeam lifted her head to see who it was, she stiffened when she was staring at the newly appointed leader; Squirrelstar.

Squirrelstar nodded at Finchlight. "I'd like to speak with Sunbeam privately."

Sunbeam shivered, her thoughts running and running around her head. Does Squirrelstar know? Did StarClan tell Squirrelstar about my mission? Is she going to kick me out of the clan?

Finchlight turned to look at Sunbeam, her gaze flashing with worry when she noticed Sunbeam's widened, panicked amber eyes. Finchlight nudged her softly. "You'll be okay," she tried to reassure her. "Squirrelstar isn't mad at you or anything."

Sunbeam felt her heartbeat quicken when Finchlight scrambled to her paws. Her thoughts kept yowling and shouting; NO! Don't leave me here! But Finchlight was already shouldering her way through the entrance of the den.

When Finchlight was finally gone, Sunbeam felt as if the silence in the den was growing and growing more and more tense. She wanted to bury herself deep into the ground, and never come back out.

Sunbeam reluctantly flitted her gaze over at the dark-ginger molly, feeling her paws trembling slightly as Squirrelstar towered over her.

"Sunbeam, there is something I haven't told the others." Squirrelstar started, padding closer.

Sunbeam pricked her ears, her head tipping to the side. What was the something she was talking about? Was it that Nightheart died, but she couldn't bring herself to tell her clanmates... or was it an actual explanation for Nightheart's disappearance? Like he left ThunderClan, and ran away to join another clan? That's probably what he did. She stifled a scoff.

Squirrelstar let out a soft sigh. "At the end my nine lives ceremony; StarClan gave me a message about Nightheart."

Sunbeam slowly blinked. Her heart pounded through her chest, her stomach churning violently as she anticipated Squirrelstar's next words. "Is he safe?" She decided to let out, her throat trying to strain those words back.

Squirrelstar opened her mouth, but then shook her head. "I can't tell you that."

Sunbeam felt her claws twitching in annoyance, wanting to tower over the ThunderClan leader and yowl furiously at her; What do you mean you can't tell me?!

Squirrelstar's eyes darkened. "I only know he had to leave."

Sunbeam felt her heart breaking bit-by-bit, her paws trembling beneath her chest. She wanted to claw the den walls surrounding her, she wanted to scream at Squirrelstar and run away. Nightheart did leave her. Again. But what did she expect from someone like Nightheart? Of course he'd leave her. Of course he wouldn't tell her that he needed to leave.

When Nightheart comes back, I swear I will RIP HIS THROAT OUT. 

_________________________________________________________________

It was the middle of the night. The moon had risen above the drifting clouds, and the sky had turned into an eerie pitch black. Stars were scattered across the vast black pool of the night-sky, twinkling majestically and lighting up the earth beneath them.

Sunbeam had laid down near the camp entrance, tucking her paws closer to her chest. She found comfort in laying under the bright night-sky, her pelt shining as the stars lit her up. It kind of reminded her of ShadowClan, with the pine-trees blocking the bright sunlight, and with only patches of light seeping through a cats' pelt.

Sunbeam suddenly remembered her kithood. She had hung around Lightkit and Pouncekit for most of her time as a kit, and sometimes she spoke with Blazefire--who was Blazepaw at the time--who she thought was the coolest cat. When she began her apprentice-ship, she started to have feelings for the molly. She wanted to be with Blazepaw forever! But then she began to have feelings for Lightpaw as well, and things were just so... Complicated.

Sunbeam was reminiscing about the past, when suddenly; the thorn bushes around the entrance of the warriors' den rustled, and she stiffened, turning her head to see who had woken up so early.

Sunbeam grunted once she realized who it was. Of course it's you! She hissed to herself. The tortoiseshell was now heading towards Sunbeam, skidding to a stop once she reached the brown-tabby. 

"...Hey." Finchlight muttered. "Mind if I sit with you?"

Sunbeam flattened her ears, wanting to claw Finchlight away from her... But she resisted the urge to do so, and her tail thumped invitingly against the empty earth beside her.

Sunbeam could hear Finchlight's quiet purr ring through her ears, and the tortoiseshell had almost immediately sat beside the brown-tabby.

For a while, they had just laid there; watching the beautiful night-sky, watching the stars twinkle, and watching the moon looming over the whole world.

The awkward silence was starting to claw Sunbeam's chest, and she wondered if she should say something, or stay quiet. Sunbeam suddenly couldn't handle the quiet, and she opened her mouth to speak... until;

"Look," Finchlight had abruptly mewed, nodding up at a few stars looking as if they were organized in such a way... "It's Goldenstar's mane!" She whispered, her big eyes twinkling as they paused on the stars.

Sunbeam was confused for a moment... Until she pricked her ears, realizing that was a constellation! She started to see it so clearly now, imagining the fierce LionClan leader looking down at the clans.

Sunbeam's gaze immediately began to search around the night-sky, looking for more constellations. She finally stopped around one she knew so clearly, one she had seen when she was an apprentice. "And there's the trout's tail." She sprang to her paws, her head nodding up at a sort of fish-like pattern around the starry sky.

Finchlight's smile had lit up like the sun when Sunbeam gave her a brief glance. "Cats say that was based on a trout that actually killed a RiverClan cat."

Sunbeam turned to look at Finchlight, raising an eyebrow. That was impossible, there was no way a trout could have killed a cat!

Finchlight went on when she noticed Sunbeam's expression, "well... At least RiverClan believes that story." She twitched her whiskers in amusement. "It all sounded like a kits tale."

Sunbeam purred, giving a little smile. "Maybe a queen made it up to make her kits scared of crossing the river," she mewed. "'Scary fish will catch you and eat you like a dog if you get near the river!'"

Finchlight snorted out a burst of laughter, but quickly snapped her mouth shut, probably because she didn't want to wake her clanmates up. Sunbeam had chuckled quietly, and Finchlight replied with a small giggle.

"Sorry, sorry," Finchlight gulped down a huge chunk of air, panting when she stopped laughing and giggling.

"It's fine." Sunbeam drew her lips to a soft smile, the churning in her stomach suddenly calming down whenever she looked at Finchlight. She suddenly wanted to be near Finchlight forever... She didn't want to leave her side.

I can still be friends with a few ThunderClan cats... Right?

...Right...?

She was hoping that she'd suddenly stop with whatever was happening right now, that she'd just... Leave, tell Finchlight that they should stop talking, that she hated her and everyone in Nightheart's family... But she just kept the conversation going. Talking and talking for what seemed like nonstop.

As long as I don't take things a step further... Everything will be okay.