Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Wolf!” said Severus in a voice that was somewhere between impatient and annoyed.

“I’m sorry, Master,” Remus said and moved so he was on all fours before Severus could tell him to do so. He was rather twitchy today; the first symptoms of the full moon had appeared, and he felt the unease and the restlessness that always came with it. Thus, sitting still was hard.

The hits came hard, but not much harder than before he had asked Severus for harsher punishments. Remus hoped Severus wasn’t just lenient with him because of the full moon. He wanted to be made to behave, even if it was harder than usual.

After the cane had left his backside for the last time, Severus bent forward and made Remus look up at him.

“Now, Wolf,” Severus said gently. “Imagine what I could do with you if you were properly trained… If I could be sure, you would behave…” He ran the tip of the cane down Remus' chest and Remus shivered from the sensation and Severus’ tone of voice. “Would you like to serve me in other ways tonight, Wolf?”

“Yes, Master.”

“Then show me that you are worthy and I will let you.”

“You will, Master?” After his miserable performance just now?

“If you behave. I know you can. Put your mind to it. Get into position.”

“Yes, Master,” Remus said, not wanting to miss this chance after weeks of barely more than kneeling and punishments, he put his mind to the task.

It helped that Severus kept close. He periodically put the cane on Remus’ shoulder or under his chin or circled Remus slowly. It was much more engaging than when he was sitting in his armchair and just watched.

All the while the word ‘worthy’ swirled in Remus’ mind. He had never been that—worthy. Not with this body and with the curse it held. But he liked the idea to prove himself. That only his actions mattered, his service to his master.

“Thirty minutes, not consecutively, but still in one evening. It seems as if you just need enough incentive to follow my orders correctly, Wolf,” said Severus when Remus was slowly getting up.

“Yes, Master. I’m sorry, that I disappointed you like that,” Remus said. “I will improve.”

“We will keep working on it,” Severus confirmed.

While Remus shook his stiff legs, Severus summoned the side table to the middle of the room before elongating it with a stretching spells. He motioned Remus to keep moving.

“On all four on that table,” he commanded after a few minutes.

“Yes, Mater.”

Severus instructed him to spread his legs a bit wider and then he said, “Since you are not yet trained to withstand your urges, I will make sure you won’t disappoint me, Wolf. This potion will make certain parts less sensitive. You will still feel everything, but not in undesired ways. It will not prevent any accidents from happening, so I still expect you to execute a minimum of self-control. Do you understand?”

Remus swallowed and then said breathlessly, “Yes, Master. Thank you.”

Severus opened the vial he had just shown Remus, took Remus’ chin and gently made him look up.

“Open your mouth.”

Remus did, and Severus put the vial to his lips and tipped in some of the potion.

“Swallow.”

They continued three more times until the vial was empty.

“Well done,” Severus said and ran over Remus’ mouth once. His hands were gloved with thin, smoother leather which glided over his mouth like silk.

Severus circled him and let his hand glide over his back and down his backside. Remus felt an anticipating shiver run down his spine. His heart was thumping, and blood was rushing in his ear. He was nearly as nervous as the first time he had kneeled before Severus.

“Breathe, Wolf, you are far too excited,” Severus said.

“Yes, Master,” Remus said and tried to calm himself by breathing slowly. Severus instructed him to look down at the table, to hold the position and only talk when talked to first.

“Now Wolf. Why did I give you the potion?”

“Because… This is for your pleasure alone, Master, and I have not earned… I am not capable—yet—to be sure that no… accident will occur,” Remus said slowly, wracking his brain for the right words. The ones that made his midsection twitch, not that it needed much encouragement at the moment.

“Well done, Wolf. The potion will take full effect in a few minutes. I will start slowly.”

“Yes, Master,” Remus said and felt how his master’s hand slowly travelled down his spine and to the ring of muscles, where he slowly started to rub small circles around the rim. Remus could feel the touch and the motion, but it felt somewhat dull, like it would when someone would touch his arm. He wiggled a bit, in the hopes of increasing the sensation, but all he got was the feeling of a cane on his backside, and he stopped immediately.

“What did I tell you?”

“I am not allowed to move, Master.”

“Why did you do it anyway?”

“Because… I enjoy being touched there, Master.” Remus said honestly.

“Why are you here?”

“Er… here as in…”

The cane lifted and landed hard on his back and Remus yelped.

“Don’t play games with me. Why did I tell you to climb on this table and hold still?”

“For your pleasure, Master,” Remus said.

“Was what you just did, for my pleasure?”

“No, Master.”

“Why did you do it then?”

“I am sorry, Master,” Remus said breathlessly. “I didn’t think. I—I was selfish.”

“I see.” There was a short pause and then Severus said, “You understand probably, that I cannot let those bad habits take root. This punishment will be harder than what you are used to.”

“Thank you, Master,” Remus breathed, his heart already thumping from the mere thought of it.

“Count,” Severus continued in a much more commanding voice, albeit not louder and put the cane back on Remus’ backside and hit hard, as promised. Remus gasped in pain and took a few deep breaths before he managed, “One.”

At fifteen he was breathing heavily, tears had shot in his eyes and his body was sticky with sweat. But he forced himself to be calm when he said, “Fifteen”, even though his voice shook.

“Alright?” Severus asked after a few moments when Remus’ breathing had slowed.

Remus could hear Severus moving after a moment, so he nodded hastily.

“Wolf,” Severus said. He had made it around the table fully and indicated for Remus to lift his head.

“Yes, Master?”

“Those pleasures are not for you. I will make you understand that one way or another.”

“Yes, Master,” Remus said. “Yes, I know, I should not want those things. I am sorry, Master. I am here to serve you, and I failed in that.”

“Now, remember to be still. I think you received enough punishment for today, don’t you?” Severus’ hand moved over Remus burning behind, massaging it lightly, while he returned to the other side of the table.

Remus pressed his lips together and forced himself to be still until Severus was done and then said, “Yes, Master.”

Severus went back to massaging his ring of muscles, and now it really was like massaging an arm, there was nothing that would make his body react, except the memory of how it should feel.

And of course, the fact that he was just being a sex toy to Severus right now. Hold still and let Severus do whatever he wanted to do with his body… All that mattered was what his Master wanted. Those thoughts helped to ignore what Severus did to his backside, but not, when he suddenly stoked down his length once. It felt dull and not at all as it usually did. But he still reacted with a slight groan and a shutter, just from the memory of how it should feel. He couldn’t remember ever wanting something so much then to come right then and there. But he wasn’t allowed. He bit his lips.

“Is the Potion not working?” Severus asked in a way that told Remus he knew fully well, that it was, indeed, working perfectly.

“It is working, Master,” Remus said.

“Mhm…”

Severus continued massaging him, and then he felt something cold, and sticky and the first finger slowly pressed into him.

“Relax,” Severus said, after a few moments.

“Yes, Mater,” Remus said.

“You have done this before, haven’t you?”

“Yes, Master. It has been a while…” He breathed slowly a few times and forced his body to relax.

Severus kept working his entrance and after some time Remus finally relaxed enough for Severus to start with two fingers.

“There we go. Well done, Wolf,” Severus said and slowly moved his fingers in and out and to the sides.

Severus took his time, dipped a finger in or two, at some point three, moved around and left him again, to tend to other parts of his body briefly before returning to his backside. Remus sighed with the tension in his midsection and the desire to feel. He shut his eyes and concentrated on being still and a good servant. He opened his eyes again and stared at the wooden pattern of the table that was now weirdly elongated from the stretching charm. He forced himself to trace the wooden grain with his eyes, but he could not ignore what was happening to his backside. His whole body felt giddy, and so so ready for relief.

When Severus finally entered him, Remus groaned softly, anticipating the stretching and indescribable arousing feeling of another man pushing his way into him. But there was nothing. He could feel how his muscles widened, how they let Severus enter, but it had nothing sensual to it.

Remus nearly groaned, this time in frustration.

Severus started slowly moving inside him and Remus concentrated on keeping his backside relaxed. It was easier now that he was over his initial nervousness. He was just here to provide his body, scarred and useless as it usually was.

Worthy. The word came back in his mind. He would be worthy, and not move again.

The pace picked up and Remus felt the pounding against his hips. He held against it and with each thrust Severus made, Remus pushed back just a tiny bit. Aware, that for the first time in years, someone entered him like this, and he couldn’t feel a damn thing.

Severus dug his fingers into his skin and Remus winced and pressed his ring of muscles together ever so slightly, and had been right with his assessment when Severus came just a moment later.

The sigh Severus gave was nearly inaudible. Remus turned and could see Severus still in his robes, he must have opened them just enough.

“Eyes front,”

“Yes, Master, I’m sorry.”

Severus was drawing out of him, leaving his backside hollow. Remus could hear the rustle of Severus’ robes for a few moments and then he felt the cane on his backside, which was still aching from the previous punishments. He tensed the ring of muscles, desperate to find something inside of him. But he was truly empty.

“Why are you being punished?”

“I moved when I was not supposed to, Master.”

“Why?”

“I… I just didn’t think, Master,” Remus said truthfully.

Remus waited for the hits, which came mercilessly and left him squirming and gritting his teeth in an effort not to yell. Finally, punishments that were at a point where they were truly uncomfortable, eliciting physical responses like bringing tears to his eyes and covering his body in layers of sweat. True consequences of his actions.

Then a particularly painful hit landed on him, and he broke position before he knew what he was doing.

“Your skin broke,” Severus informed him, catching Remus’s hand that had made it towards the injury nearly without him noticing, preventing it from reaching the spot.

Remus tried to retract his hand, but Severus held it firmly in his own.

“Thank you, Master, for punishing me, so I may serve you better,” Remus tried.

Then he hissed, as the same overzealous cleaning charm Severus had used before hit his hand. Severus let Remus' hand go and Remus could feel the slight tingle of a healing charm, a moment later.

“Thank you, Master,” Remus repeated.

Severus stroked once over the spot and then his hand slit down between Remus's legs, which was still somehow partly erect. It was a mess of being horny, hurting, and knowing he couldn’t relieve himself any time soon. Severus moved his hand up and down Remus’ length. Then he moved around the table and put his gloved hand on Remus’ cheeks. Remus flinched and turned his head, keenly aware of where it had been just a few minutes ago.

“Wolf?” Severus asked and forced Remus' chin so he would face him.

“I’m sorry, Master,” Remus said.

“What is it?” Severus said and gripped his jaw harder, forcing him to look up.

“I’m sorry… er—I just know where that hand has been… I—uh—I don’t want it in my face, I’m sorry, Master,” he said and cast his eyes down. He wanted to bow, but couldn’t with Severus’ hand holding his chin, but it did seem like a good way to show how sorry he was.

“They are self-cleaning,” Severus said after a moment and let Remus' jaw go.

“Thank you, Master,” Remus said to the tabletop with a small breath of relief.

“Get back into position. Look at me.”

“Yes, Master.”

“How are your pain levels?

“Er—okay, Master. I’m sorry you had to punish me so harshly today, Master.”

“Apart from the beginning, you did quite well.”

“Thank you, Master.”

“Kneel.”

“On here?”

“Yes, on the table.”

Remus did, again, very careful to irritate his backside as little as possible. Severus ran the cane down his belly and then it landed on his still erect midsection.

“Kneel until this is gone. I will wait in the office until you are ready,” he said gently and then left Remus to deal with it.

Remus kept kneeling, even though he didn’t like it do it alone, but it was a command of his master, so he would follow it. He felt hazy from the pure desire running through his body.

He forced himself to go through the, by now very familiar, checklist. He had gone through it so much in the last few weeks, that he sometimes even dreamed about it. It did help him to stop thinking about what Severus had just done with him, though it was hard. In the end, he got up and cast a cooling charm on himself. It didn’t seem as effective as usual, but it helped.

He clothed himself and left the collar on the chest of drawers before returning up the stairs.

As Severus had said, he was in his office when Remus knocked, looking up from a notebook. He had multiple and they were all bound in black leather. Severus put it with the others, when he saw Remus and after Remus had been seated, proceeded to ask the usual questions.

“You seem distracted,” Severus said when Remus had lost his train of thought for the third time.

“Yes, well,” Remus said, a bit harsher than he wanted to. All he could think about was Severus inside of him. His body wanted to move, to find some friction, but even if he would let that happen, it would do nothing; the potion was still in effect. It was distracting, to say the least.

He took a deep breath and said, “Sorry, It’s really… Urm—after what we just did…”

“It is not too much?” Severus asked.

Remus hesitated. He didn’t want a choice in the matter. Well he did, he would hate it if he didn’t. He wanted the choice of not having a choice, he surmised and shook his head. It was part of the game, and if he failed, there should be a punishment.

“I see,” Severus said, and a hint of amusement crossed his face. “How about a reward if you keep yourself controlled tonight?”

“What kind of reward?”

“You may make suggestions,” Severus said after short consideration.

Remus thought for a moment, there had been one thing he had really wanted to try those last few sessions. “Can I have a gag on Wednesday while I kneel?”

“You may.”

“Can I choose which one?”

“If I am in a good mood,” Severus said.

“What—Uhm, well what is the punishment for me failing that?” They had never discussed it after the first time, where Remus hadn’t even been punished once yet.

“I will let you think about what you did in a cage. I will determine the length of the punishment at the time.”

“How long do you usually give for that?”

“It very much depends. It's not about the length of time, but how much of an impression it makes on the Sub.”

“And since you don’t know how I’ll react…”

Severus nodded.

Remus floo’ed back to his quarters. While he thought a short walk through the castle wouldn’t be a bad idea, he didn’t want to ran into anyone in his current state.

Not touching himself hadn’t been so bad until now. He had woken up a few times having a very wet dream about Severus and that drawer. Maybe he had gone through his stack of chocolate a bit faster than usual and used cooling charms or cold showers more frequently. But generally, it hadn’t been too bad.

But tonight was different.

Maybe it was the full moon, maybe it had to do with the evening’s activities. But when the potion stopped working shortly after he had returned to his quarters every movement, every breath of air, reminded him of his unfulfilled desires. His body was in a state of readiness, that made his hands shake slightly, his brain foggy, his skin susceptible to the slightest of touches. A shift of his clothes seemed to have the effect of a skilful massage.

He tried reading but kept reading the same line over and over again, without parsing the information within. With an impatient snort, he put the book down and his mind wandered back to Severus inside of him. How he had slipped the fingers in and out of him, had widened his muscles, filled his insides.

Remus looked around for something to transfigure to use as a replacement for Severus, before he quite knew what he was doing. His office chair was made of smooth, soft leather. He could transform it to be the right shape and make the outside nonabsorbent, stiffening the stuffing to just the right consistency… He could practically feel how it pushed into him.

Remus put the wand which had wandered into his hand back in his robes and went to the bathroom, taking a very cold shower. The water hit him like an icy wall, making him gasp and forget about Severus for a few seconds. His thoughts cleared mercifully but he stayed under the shower long enough to start to shiver before he dared to climb out.

But back in the warmth and comfort of the living room, he didn’t quite know what to do with himself. It would be a great release of his pent-up energy, to knead some dough. He liked making his own noodles when he was stressed after work and didnt feel like taking a walk.

His gaze wandered to the small nook, with a counter, a sink, and a bit of cutlery, which was a meagre excuse for a kitchen and the only thing he didn’t love about his quarters. It didn’t even have a stove, so if he ever chose to cook, he would need to set up a fire. It was finicky to get the temperature right, and right now, he definitely didn't have the patience.

No kneading, no cooking.

He thought about going for a walk, but he still didn’t feel like meeting anyone, so he opened the windows wide. Leaning on the windowsill he let the stuffy heat that the fireplace had created escape and embraced the cool clear air of a November night.

He let his mind drift, and he soon was back to Severus and their time together this evening. He thought of what Severus would say if he knew of how close Remus was to breaking the rules – and the spell.

“Tell me pet, why are you not allowed to come?” Severus asked in his mind.

“Because only then I can serve you well, Master. My… my wants and needs don’t matter. Yours do—only yours,” Remus would say.

“That is right, Wolf. Serving can be hard at times. But you want to be good, don’t you?” He would maybe run his hands down Remus’ cheek.

“Yes, Master.”

“Then control yourself. However hard it may be now. It will get easier,” Severus would say. And then he would make Remus kneel on the rug until the erection was gone, as he had once before. “Show me that you are worthy of my training you,” Remus imagined Severus saying.

Other images swam in his head, that had been there before he had even returned to Hogwarts. But now the stranger in them had a face, and Remus had many more references to fill the images with details. How it felt when he was hit hard on the backside, and his body’s reaction of pain and shock. The way it felt when he was watched, quietly, as if he was just another possession. The way it had felt when he hadn’t felt enough while Severus had thumped into him.

Still so many things, he didn’t have references for. Gags, cages, contraptions, that would limit his movement, for his master’s pleasure or his punishment. How it would feel when he was locked in a cage. Would Severus stay and watch him or leave him alone to mule over his choices? How would it feel to wake up to a Master, who would casually use him to his gratification before he was fully awake? Maybe he would wake up to someone manoeuvring him into position and only fully understand what was going on when the first finger made its way inside of him. There were other images that he had never examined for longer than a fleeting glance before he pushed them away. Even to him, they were embarrassing.

Remus' mind went back to Severus saying, “Kneel until this is gone.”

And Remus did. He didn’t want to be punished. But most of all, he didn’t want to be unworthy of another session like they had today. He wanted to work, to show he was worthy of Severus’—his Masters’—time. He would learn and be of service, and not be as selfish and uncontrolled as he had been today. Next time, he would be better.

Some part of his brain pointed out, how deep he was in the mindset of being Severus’ slave—he really needed another word for that, maybe Sub, but that also didn’t feel right—right now, but it didn’t matter. It was easier to deal with his body’s desires that way.

He took a few deep breaths, concentrated on his posture, closed his eyes and imagined Severus sitting in front of him, watching him, and making sure he would be obedient.

If he was really willing to suppress his libido like that for the foreseeable future, he needed to find a better way of dealing with those tensions than showers and cooling charms.

Maybe Severus was testing his limits to see when he would break. Remus was determined not to.

So, he concentrated on the checklist:

Chin up?

Back straight?

Shoulders back?

Elbows back?

Stomach muscles tense?

“Choose,” Severus said and held out two gags for Remus to see. One looked like a bit from a horse’s bridle and the other was a ring with straps on either side.

Remus looked at both carefully. The bit would be nice to bite on when he was being punished, but somehow, he was drawn to the ring. Something about his mouth being forced open made him excited. He informed Severus of the choice.

Severus nodded and let the other gag float back to the drawer. He bent down and held the gag in front of Remus, who obediently opened his mouth. Severus pushed the ring into his mouth and closed the straps. He made sure Remus was comfortable before he stood back, looking at him. Remus meanwhile tried to adjust to the object in his mouth. He felt exposed and humiliated in the best way, to have to keep his mouth open like that.

“Well done,” Severus said when Remus had managed a thirty-minute session on the first try half an hour later. Slowly but surely, he felt it becoming easier. His body had started to get accustomed to it. Though the side effects of the full moon still made it harder than it would have been otherwise.

Remus wiped the saliva from his cheek that had managed to make its way out between his lips and the gag and had formed a small trail down his chin.

“Hand,” ordered Severus.

Remus blinked and then realised it was probably the drool he hadn’t been allowed to touch. He received a biting cleaning charm, and his hand was dropped.

“You may get up,” Severus said.

Remus slowly and gingerly lifted his body from his legs and stretched them even more slowly. His knees protested the movement at first, and then it was heaven. He was probably too old for this stuff. Maybe you needed to start with this in your youth, so your body got used to it.

Severus caught Remus’ chin and vanished the rest of the drool. Remus was sure, Severus saw it as an added bonus and not a problem. Not that Remus did have a huge problem with it, but it had been quite annoying and distracting when he could feel his saliva walk slowly to his lips and jump to its death while he wasn’t allowed to move and couldn't do anything about it.

Still, he enjoyed the gag. It was nice to have a tangible restraint, not just a command and the thread of a punishment.

Severus removed the gag and Remus moved his jaw to loosen the strained muscles.

“You are making progress.”

“Thank you, Master.”

“I would like to start with something new. If you are willing, today,” Severus said.

Of course, he was. “What is it, Master?” Remus asked, and stopped loosening his leg muscles by slightly shaking them, so he could better listen.

“I told you, I expect you to have complete control over your body. The exercise we will be doing today is to make sure you do not come, even when you feel pleasure during one activity or another. You will be trained to not give in to those urges. It is a long way, and it is not easy. I expect you to put in the effort.”

“Yes, Master,” Remus said.

Severus made him move about the room for another five minutes or so and then he summoned the table in the middle of the room. “Lay on that table on your back, legs bent and slightly apart.” Severus said.

“Yes, Master,” he said with a dry mouth. He had been looking forward to and dreaded this since the first time Severus had mentioned such training. But he really wanted to try.

“Put your hands next to your hips. Very good.” Severus said when Remus lay very exposed before him.

He rested his hand between Remus' legs.

“You will not come.” Severus reminded him.

“Yes, Master,” Remus said, hoping Severus wouldn’t tease him too much.

Remus tried to relax and swallowed hard when Severus shifted his hand. He was rock hard and nearly moaned. It was as if his body had just waited for the right moment, to confront him with all the held-up desire from the last month. He groaned without meaning to, and his hips moved towards Severus’ hand.

Severus pulled his hand back. “Do you remember the punishment?”

“Yes, Master.”

“Remind me.”

“I will be locked in a cage until it has an impact on me.”

“Do you want that?”

Remus hesitated. He did want to try the cage. But only until he was tired of it, and he was certain, that was not when it would end if it was a punishment. So he decided on a, “No, Master.”

“The objective is, as you have probably guessed by now, to not react to what I am doing. You may try to think of something else, maybe your breathing or counting. Maybe facts. It helps as far as I have been told.”

“Yes, Master.”

“No speaking when not prompted, and especially no bagging is that clear?”

“Yes, Master.

“Ready?”

“Yes, Master.”

Severus stroked his penis again and Remus sighed, and at the same time, tried to rain in the desire. He breathed in and out, in and out. Severus was now lightly gripping his shaft and massaging it.

“Gnnn,” made Remus involuntarily, and then held his breath to keep himself from voicing his feelings and pressed his hip to the top of the table to not move it.

Severus let him go. “You are quite easily excitable.”

“You were, too, if you hadn’t touched yourself in a month,” Remus said more forcefully than he had meant to. “Master.” He added when he remembered.

“If you keep making progress, I will allow you to, soon. You may want to think about what you would like to do when the day comes.”

“Really, Master?” He hadn’t dared to ask. After all, it was supposed to be a gift. You didn’t just ask to receive gifts.

“Yes.”

“And I can choose?”

“It is a reward, so I will consider your wishes.”

“How… elaborate can they be, Master?”

Severus thought about it and started playing with Remus' midsection again. Not enough to make him squirm, but enough to distract him. “Not much. But it should be something you enjoy.”

“Can it be something I want to try?”

“Of course,” Severus said. “Now, back to this exercise. I expect you to keep focused on your breathing. In through your nose; out through the mouth.”

“Yes, Master.”

“Repeat why this exercise is crucial?”

“Because it will allow me to serve you better, Master. So you can… use me—er—without me screwing it up.”

“Why is that important?”

“Er-“ Remus said. “Because I am to serve you. Er…”

“Because I want it, Wolf. There is nothing more you need to concern yourself with. It is my wish. Thus, you will do your best.”

“Yes, Master. I will do my best.”

“Are you ready?”

“Yes, Master,” said Remus, closing his eyes and concentrating on breathing, but his efforts were in vain the second Severus touched him again.

“Breath,” said Severus in a low husky voice, that did nothing to ease Remus' tension, but he tried and breathed in through the nose and then out through his mouth, while everything in his body screamed to do the opposite. He suddenly gasped when Severus gripped his shaft a bit firmer than last time and moved his hand up and down. Remus concentrated on not closing his legs, but his breathing stopped, and he gasped, and he nearly brought up his own hands to fend off Severus' when Severus released him.

Remus closed his legs, but Severus gently pressed them apart again.

“Are you trying to hide from me, Wolf?”

“No, Master,” Remus gasped, trying to get his breathing under control. Everything in him wanted to come, every last fibre. His midsection aced nearly as much as it had last session. He really hoped it wouldn’t take as long to calm down afterwards.

“Indicate when you are ready to go again,” Severus said. Remus closed his eyes and calmed himself down. When his heartbeat and breathing were at normal levels again, he nodded.

“Concentrate on your breathing,” Severus said. “Close your eyes and listen to my voice. It is irrelevant what happens to your body.”

Remus nodded.

“Breath in through your nose, out through your mouth… in…. out…” Severus said. He repeated the commands a few times waiting for Remus to fall into step. He started touching Remus again and slowly worked his way up, repeating the words regularly and calmly. Remus couldn’t block out what was happening to his body, as Severus had said, but listening to his voice tethered Remus somehow.

“Much better,” Severus said.

Remus let out a deep sigh of relief.

“Do you think you can do it once more tonight?”

“Er—If you give me a bit…,” Remus said weakly. May i get up and I move, Master?”

“You may if it helps you recover.”

Remus sat up, crossed his legs, which were tense from the effort of not closing them and rubbed his face and then stood. It was good to move and release the tension, and by now, he had less problems just walking around the room, while Severus was watching.

“Can you do it again… tell me to breathe in and out? It really helped...”

“I will.”

“Thank you, Master,” Remus said and shook his legs out a bit before laying back down. “I’m ready, Master.”

Severus put a hand on Remus’ knee. “Be good, and you will be rewarded.”

“Yes, Master,” Remus said, more concerned with not spending the rest of the evening in a cage or dealing with the fallout when he was back in his quarters. Not that he really minded either.

“Breath in through your nose, out through your mouth… in…. out…” Severus’ voice forced him back to the present and he hastened to get into the rhythm. This time went about as well as the last one, but Remus was mentally and physically exhausted when Severus finally let go of him.

“You did very well, Wolf,” Severus said after Remus had caught his breath.

“Thank you, Master,” he said with a relieved chuckle.

“What is so funny?”

“Nothing, Master,” Remus said, still waiting to be allowed to get up. “Releasing tension.”

“How do you feel?”

“Tired, Master,” Remus said. “But good.”

“Kneel until you are ready and then come to my office, I have something else I want to discuss. It will not take long.”

Remus got into position and started up the checklist again.

His orgasms were his Masters’ now. Remus thought about this for a while, and he liked to look at it this way. The way part of his bodily autonomy was not under his influence anymore. Entrusted to Severus, even if Severus was withholding things from him he really wanted. He had given it away freely. He could take it back any time if he chose to.

“Do you think you can hold out until after the full moon?” asked Severus when Remus had settled down in the office.

Remus grinned, mostly out of embarrassment. Sometimes he thought Severus just made him talk about these things to see him flush. “I hope so. I liked that little talk about why we did the exercise by the way—because you want it.” He added to give more context when Severus frowned at him.

“The mind is a powerful tool.”

Remus nodded, while Severus waved his wand, and a small bluish vial landed in front of him.

“This is the numbing potion I gave you last week.”

“Isn’t that cheating?”

“A good dom supports his sub so he or she can do what the dom asks of them.”

“Why thank you. Now I can—,“ he stopped himself. “I don’t have to worry,” he ended. He didn’t think “wank without worrying” was something he wanted to say in front of Severus. Maybe in front of Sirius. His heart sunk, and he looked away.

“Are you available on Friday evening?” asked Severus. Maybe he had interpreted Remus’ body language as embarrassment rather than what it was, the knife of grief. And guilt, because he still hadn’t talked to Albus. The thought of Albus disappointed in him… He just couldn’t.

“Yes,” Remus said, his intonation rising higher in the end, to make it a tentative question.

“I would like you to eat dinner with me. We have been doing this for a month, so I think it will be a good time to evaluate. Discuss if and how we would like to continue.”

“That sounds very reasonable,” Remus said, wondering about the ‘if’. He had thought Severus had enjoyed himself, but maybe he had been bored...? Or he had realised that Remus was not what he had expected. But if Severus was determined to end this, he could have done so right now. So, he asked. “Do you have a kitchen in your quarters?” He knew Filius had one because he had visited him a few times by now.

“Yes, why do you ask?”

“I only have a small nook in my quarters, but no stove. So how about we cook something? Better than just eat and talk, don’t you think?” Severus was probably as meticulous a cook as he was a brewer, but Remus thought he wouldn’t mind that if it meant standing in a kitchen again.

“I don’t enjoy cooking.”

“You don’t?”

They had hardly ever gone in any direction that was personal. The closest they had gotten was on Halloween. But even then, it hadn’t been very personal. Severus had been strange that evening. Asking so blatantly about the roleplaying and sharing his fantasies. He hadn’t done anything like it since. It was a greeting, The Cellar and then the usual questions.

Severus raised an eyebrow that spoke for itself.

“I would have thought since you liked brewing so much…”

“Brewing is… very different from cooking. More precise, clearly defined goals about what effects should and shouldn’t be present in the potion. If I would not put the precise amount of Nevercups in your monthly potion, your nervous system would be damaged by the Aconitum. If I put in too much… Well-“ he stopped and after a moment Severus added, “There is no room for error. Everything has a purpose.”

“There are some margins, I'm sure,” Remus said.

“There are margins if you are satisfied with suboptimal results,” Severus said curtly.

“So what do you do, when there are no house elves around to cook for you?”

“I am perfectly capable of preparing a meal if need be; I do object to it as a social activity.”

“Oh well,” Remus said. “I really enjoy it. Not just with other people, but you know, after a long day. It's a good way to… well relax, I suppose. I’ve been missing it quite a bit. My quarters only have a nook, without a stove and all that. It's just not the same without…,” Remus added when Severus raised an eyebrow. “What happens if you put too many Nevercups in a potion?”

Severus gave him a look as if he should know this. It was probably part of the syllabus. But Remus had never been any good at potions and it was a long time ago by now. So Remus just shrugged and smiled until Severus explained: “Nevercups can cause hallucinations. In the Wolfsbane potion, it is counteracted of course, but just enough for the 2.3 grams the recipe calls for.”

There was a pause in which Severus slightly tapped the desk, staring at those horrendous jars on the walls and Remus wondered if Flitwick would be okay with Remus using his kitchen—he would of course share what he made with his host—when Severus spoke again.

“You may use the kitchen if it pleases you. Except for the coffee pot, it only holds the utensils it came with. I suggest speaking with the house elves to make sure you have what you need. Don’t expect me to join in.”

A smile spread over Remus’ face. “I won't.”

He wondered briefly if he should still ask Severus to at least do some cutting but he was too afraid his kitchen privileges would be revoked.

Back in his quarters, he wondered what to make while he took a long cold shower. Something that wouldn’t take too long… A curry? He hadn’t had one for months… Or a stir-fry…? He had no idea what Severus liked.