Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There was a nursery in the Red Room, you and Natasha used to pass through the air duct and drop right in the middle of the room, just wanting a few minutes, just wanting to see something beautiful, something innocent; a baby's laughter could heal any soul, even the most wounded.
That's when you saw Yelena for the first time. She was the only one awake at that moment, her big, green, curious eyes watching everything.

Then she laughed at you, and it felt like a breath of life. It became your and Natasha's thing, sneaking through the air duct just to see Yelena, to get that breath of fresh air. You didn't know her name yet, so you called her Hope.

Yelena became your hope, the thing that connected you and Natasha. You only discovered her name when they started the tests for a new mission in Ohio. Missions that lasted years were the ones everyone fought for because it meant you would be free from the cold walls of the Red Room.
Yelena, she was the central part of the mission, and you knew you needed to be there too, to protect her, the fragile baby who had been the reason for a few minutes of joy in your days over the past months.

With determination came brutality, you became rougher, almost cruel.
You let yourself be poisoned by the Red Room. You were willing to sacrifice your humanity, to be molded, to do whatever it took to become the best, to be seen, to be chosen.
Then you faced Natasha on the mat, and you knew she thought the same. You had never fought with such fervor before, something between you broke even before the fight started, and neither of you seemed willing to stop.

The other widows watched as if they were enjoying a show, watching you break Natasha's nose and her twisting your ankle, watching you choke each other until both collapsed on the mat, unconscious. When you woke up minutes later, there was no other solution but to send you two.
Maybe you thought this would bring you and Natasha closer again, but no. Both of you were consumed by the Red Room, as you had let yourselves be. You continued to be pitted against each other, as enemies, as a threat. There was only one point of Hope in your relationship now.

You were there when Yelena's first teeth came in, for her first steps, her first words. You taught her to care for plants, to treat animals gently and that it was okay to cry. Natasha taught her to kick hard and see shapes in the clouds. And Yelena learned each of these things.

Over time, you almost forgot why you were there, and sometimes you did. Sometimes you let yourself be carried away by an ideological thought, looking at Yelena and wondering if you could have this for longer. If you would see her learn to ride a bike, go to school, to high school, to college. If you would see her fall in love. If you would see her conquer the world as she conquered you.
Then, on any given Wednesday night, Alexei came home silent, sneaking through the rooms and checking the windows. You were setting the table for dinner when you heard Natasha greet her father.

"Hey, honey” the man ruffled her hair as he reached the table where Melina was serving mac and cheese to your little sister, who was talking non-stop.

It was a brief second, a single look, Natasha didn't seem to notice as Alexei and Melina went to another room, whispering and gesturing. But she knew immediately when her father returned, inviting everyone on a "big adventure”. Yelena eagerly followed the man. You, Natasha, and Melina stayed behind.
The girl with blue hair looked at you, and you had already forgotten what it was like to see her eyes without life or Hope.

"I'm sorry” Melina said, but it didn't matter because you had to keep running.
You sang in the midst of the end, Yelena didn't want to leave your arms, Natasha didn't want to take her from you because she knew it meant you were staying behind. But you knew when you heard that laugh for the first time: you would do anything to keep Yelena safe.

And now it's been five years since your little sister left.

The feeling of leaving the battlefield after a whole day of fighting was... varied. Some felt sadness, others frustration, anger, and the deep desire to turn back time, wondering what they could have done differently. You felt numb.
The sky was tinged with red and gold as the sun set, a scene that seemed inappropriately peaceful after the destruction and chaos you had faced. You were hugging Natasha as you slowly made your way back to the center of Wakanda, avoiding the bodies along the way. Steve was carrying Vision in his arms.

The central building was silent, there was no king anymore. T'Challa was gone. His mother, pained by the loss of a son, could not grieve, she had a kingdom to govern.
You and Natasha remained silent the entire way back, one of Wakanda's subjects being assigned to take you safely to your destination. At the widows' rehabilitation clinic, where chaos prevailed.
Natasha was the first to disembark, anxious, her gaze sweeping the place in search of her sister. The widows stopped, looking at you two, scared, waiting for an explanation.

"We'll find her” you said, trying to offer some comfort “she must be around here somewhere”

You followed the place, offering slight nods to the apprehensive women. The tension was palpable as Natasha squeezed your hand tightly, and then Melina and Alexei appeared.
Both ran to you, hugging you tightly. It was unprecedented how protected you felt being held by your father. You sighed and snuggled against the big man, but when you let go, he was crying.
His eyes were fixed on the screen where names appeared and disappeared, constantly being updated.

"We have an update on Yelena” one of the operators announced. Natasha froze beside you, her fingers squeezing yours. You felt your heart race, hope and fear mixing in a storm of emotions.

"Where is she?" Natasha asked, her voice almost inaudible. The operator looked at you with a somber expression.

"She was one of the affected”

The world seemed to stop. The ground seemed to crumble beneath your feet as the reality of the words sank in. Natasha fell to her knees, her eyes wide with shock and despair.

"No, it can't be” she whispered, her voice broken by pain. You knelt beside her, pulling her into a tight embrace, feeling the hot tears stream down your face "Yelena...” Natasha repeated, as if trying to process what she had heard.

You didn't know how to comfort her, how to comfort yourself. The image of Yelena, the little sister you loved so much, disappearing into thin air was devastating.

"We'll bring her back” you whispered "we'll find a way”

The battle against Thanos had ended, but the fight to restore your lives and your families was just beginning.

Steve, you, Natasha, Rhodes, and Banner were the only ones left. Thor, full of resentment, had to be detained—he humbly accepted to be put in a cell.
You talked about the defeat and your losses. About the "Blip” as they called it, and the widespread chaos it created throughout the universe. You talked about Wakanda and its new emergency reign, about those who remained. You made plans for a return, even though everyone was desolate.

One day, a small, mysterious device left by Nick Fury caught your attention, and one day, a mysterious blonde came from space.
Carol Danvers returned with a ship after much conversation and introductions. From that ship came a blue robot, carrying none other than Tony Stark.

"I couldn't stop him” the Iron Man said.

"Neither could I” Captain America replied with regret.

"I lost the kid” and even though you had no idea what that meant, the pain in the man's voice touched you.

You looked back one last time to see the raccoon and the blue robot holding hands. Tony was immediately taken for care, as he was dehydrated and malnourished. It had been twenty-three days since Thanos had been on Earth.

"Thanos decimated fifty percent of all creatures” Natasha said, the burning in her voice noticeable to everyone, but not to you.

No one knew where he was, no one could find him, and you could tell that the Iron Man was starting to lose patience.

"Until this very second, I thought you were a stuffed animal” he said to the raccoon, who replied.

"Maybe I am”

“And who are you again?” Tony turned to you, standing quietly in the corner.

“I’m Y/N” you introduced yourself simply, unsure of what to say given the delicate nature of the situation.

“She’s my wife” Natasha rescued you.

“Oh… congratulations!” Tony offered, though you could detect a slight hint of irony in his tone. Then, he lost his patience. “I said we were going to lose. You said: we’ll do that together too. And guess what? We lost. And you weren’t there” Rhodes tried to restrain Tony, but he kept advancing towards Steve, leaving what looked like a device from his chest in Steve’s hands before collapsing.

“Great reunion, huh?” you commented, approaching Natasha as you both watched Bruce sedate Tony.

“Yeah, that’s how we are. Are you sure you still want to be part of this?” she replied, trying to maintain her humor.

“Hey… he’ll be okay. You’re family, you’ll sort it out” you reassured her, rubbing her back and kissing her temper as she sighed against your touch.

“Where are you going?” you heard Steve ask, prompting you and Natasha to rush to the other room.

“To kill Thanos” the space woman declared.

“We usually work as a team” Natasha interjected.

“I know space is more your territory, but this fight is ours too” Steve said.

“And do you know where he is?” you challenged, watching the woman examine you up and down.

“I know people who do”

“No need” everyone turned surprised towards the blue robot in the corner of the room.

“I can tell you where Thanos is”

Nebula, you learned, was Thanos's daughter. She and Rocket, the raccoon, traveled together, and how they ended up joining Thor was another story.

“We’re short on people” Banner said cautiously, yet Carol was determined to retrieve everyone with the stones.

“Even if there’s the slightest chance we can undo this, we owe it to everyone who’s not in this room to try” Natasha said with conviction, looking directly at you. You nodded in encouragement.
The discussion continued until Thor stood up, almost predatory, approaching the blonde woman, extending his hand, and a powerful ax flew into his grip. Carol merely smirked in return.

“I like this one” Thor declared, and you had a new plan.

“Okay, who here has never been to space?” You, Natasha, Steve, and Rhodes raised your hands. “I don’t want anyone throwing up on my ship”

Nebula initiated the countdown, and the ship blasted off, making everyone cling to their seats.
As the ship glided silently through the vast vacuum of space, you found yourself immersed in a landscape that defied any earthly description. The darkness of the cosmos was punctuated by bright stars that seemed to dance around the ship, creating a light and shadow spectacle that could never be replicated on Earth.
It was as if the universe was revealing its beauty and mystery just for you, offering a completely new perspective on existence and your place within it.
While you observed this stunning scene, a feeling of humility and reverence grew within you. You realized you were witnessing something extraordinary and unique, something few humans had ever experienced. You glanced at Natasha, catching her as enchanted and unprepared as you were. She met your gaze, and for a moment, you shared a small smile.
Suddenly, you thought of Yelena, wondering if she would have made a witty remark or been as awestruck as you both. You wished she had had the opportunity, the honor, to see space like this.
As you waited for Carol to return from her patrol, you overheard Natasha comforting Steve, who was thoughtfully looking at an old photo of a woman.

“It will work, Steve” she said with certainty.

“I know it will” he replied seriously. “Because I don’t know what I’ll do if it doesn’t”

Natasha looked at you; none of you knew.

Carol returned, confirming there were no defenses, nothing. You attacked the small cabin in the middle of a tranquil field. Carol struck first, followed by Banner and Rhodes, and then Thor appeared, cutting off the titan's arm. But the worst happened, the stones were gone, and everyone started losing their minds. Banner went after the mutilated titan until you pulled him away.

“Where are the stones?” Natasha asked, her voice barely showing any emotion. Thanos had destroyed them.

“I am inevitable” he said.

“We have to search everywhere, it must be a lie” Rhodes said, sounding desperate.

“My father is many things, but a liar he is not” Nebula spoke, and only then did the titan seem to notice her presence. Thanos began a remorseful paternal speech, but before he could finish, Thor beheaded him.

“What did you do?” Rocket asked, shocked like everyone else.

“I went for the head” said the God of Thunder, leaving the room and everyone else hopeless.

Five years passed since then.

Everything went back to the way it was. Everything went back to the way it never was.
You returned to the therapy groups, even bringing Steve along. Captain America spoke with sorrow about the love he lost decades ago, he spoke about overcoming.

“The world is ours now. It was left to us, and we have to do something with it” Steve said, and a part of you ached, thinking perhaps he had given up, that you all had.

“Thanks for today, everyone. You were great” you spoke softly, and everyone said their goodbyes as if they didn’t want to leave and go back to their empty homes, as if they had so much more to say. Steve stayed, helping you gather the chairs, watching you from the corner of his eye.

"Are you going there today?" he asks, seeing your brows furrow.

"Um... no, I don’t think so. I need to go back to the widows, we had a new group come in this week...” you say without looking at him, focused on folding the chairs. Steve looks at you with pity, speaking after a few moments.

"She needs you, you know” this makes you stop, filled with sadness.

"She doesn’t want to see me, Steve”

"She doesn’t want to see anyone. You know how she is, as much or even more than I do, she will isolate herself, say she’s fine, but she needs company. She’s not good alone” he says, and your heart aches because you know it’s true.

"Maybe I don’t care anymore” you say with all the conviction you can muster, but the Captain knows better, and the way he looks at you makes you want to take back what you said and finally be honest while averting your gaze to the floor. "I don’t think I can do it anymore. I can’t keep watching her fall out of love with me”

Steve listens with sorrow to what you never share in therapy, he looks at you with a pained expression, saying goodbye before leaving in silence. He knows what it’s like to lose a love.
You stay in that empty gym, trying to organize your feelings. You know it’s time to stop running and face the inevitable. You grab your coat and leave with a destination in mind.

The old Avengers building seems so insignificant now. Tony had the giant "A" removed from the front; there’s no more pride in the title. You take the elevator and pass through empty, neglected rooms, resembling a horror movie scene, but lately, everything seems like that.
There are voices in the meeting room. The first one you see is obviously Natasha, your stomach churns nervously, but you can’t tell if it’s good.
She is talking with four holograms, Nebula and Rocket, Okoye, Carol, and Rhodes. You think about retreating silently, but of course, Natasha notices you. Maybe because she’s a professional spy, maybe because she’s your ex-wife.

The room falls silent as everyone turns to see you frozen in the doorway.

"Hey guys” you say shyly, hands in your pockets and shoulders hunched as you enter the room.

"Y/N!" Rocket is the first to recognize your presence, excited.

"How’s space, buddy?" you smile fondly.

"As beautiful as always. You should accept our invitation someday, take a season among the stars”

Rocket says, and you smile awkwardly. Beside you, Natasha watches the interaction intrigued.
Your relationship with the so-called "Guardians of the Galaxy" began five years ago. It was another afternoon at the Avengers Tower, shortly after everything happened, when everyone still had hope of finding a solution and racking their brains for it.
The Avengers group gathered in a meeting room, the Guardians of the Galaxy too, but when you went to enter, Natasha held your shoulder. She seemed uncertain of her next words.

"Do you mind waiting here?" she asked. She didn’t elaborate much, but you knew her well enough.

The Avengers had always been a unique part of Natasha’s life, a part you never had access to, and you believe Natasha didn’t know how to correlate these two parts yet.
Part of you felt hurt, deeply hurt. The world was ending, and you all needed to come together more than ever, but another part of you, the always passive part, tried to understand that you and Natasha were still distinct human beings with individual lives, and it's important to give and receive space.
The world needed its heroes now, and you were not a Guardian, much less an Avenger, you were just an ex-Widow, a former assassin leading therapy groups.
So you smiled softly.

"Yeah, of course” you said, and sat on a bench in the corridor while waiting. Not even half an hour later, the door opened again, and the raccoon stormed out, grumbling.

"What are you looking at, huh?!" he asked as he passed by, noticing your curious glance. You just offered an apologetic nod and returned to staring out the window. Rocket stood there, watching you “are you really just going to sit there?"

"Natasha asked me to wait” you responded obediently, fidgeting with your fingers. Rocket let out a loud laugh.

"And you do what she asks like a little puppy?" he taunted. You sighed, trying not to let it get to you.

"I'm not her puppy... she needs this time with them, they're her family”

"Believe me, I know what a family is, and that? That's not one!" he said angrily, sitting next to you in front of the large window. "They might be her family, but she's not theirs”

"Do you have a family?" Rocket took a moment to answer your question.

"The Guardians... we weren't perfect but we got along better than that” he nodded toward the room he had just left. "We knew how to listen to each other, you couldn't last an hour in that room... and now Nebula is all I have left…”

Rocket said dejectedly, and you felt an overwhelming urge to comfort him, reaching out to pat his head. Before you could touch him, Rocket slapped your hand surprisingly hard.

"Were you about to pet me like a damn dog?!" he asked indignantly, standing up on the bench.

"No, I wasn't!" you responded nervously, backing away on the bench as he pursued.

"Yes, you were! Do you think I'm a little pet, huh?! Wagging my tail to get a pat on the head?!"

"No! I mean, you are an animal, you are a raccoon but…” and if you thought you'd seen Rocket angry before, he looked absolutely furious now, gripping your shirt collar.

"I'm not a raccoon!" he yelled “next time you call me that or try to pet me, I'll rip off your other arm!"

"Okay... okay... I won't call you that again...I'm sorry...” Rocket breathed rapidly, contemplating his next move. He decided to spare you this time, releasing your shirt and sitting back down beside you.

"I thought you, of all people, would understand what it's like to be built and taken apart without your permission” your heart sank with guilt, Rocket saw the regretful expression on your face. "No, don't make that face like you just kicked your puppy... just give me your arm, and I'll forgive you” you laughed.

"I promise to leave it to you in my will” you said with a smile “but hey, I also have a pretty cool spine”

"That's nothing, my brain is full of screws!”

"Most of my teeth must be fake!"

And it was at that moment, in a fierce competition to see who was more modified—Rocket won this time—that you created a bond. It was almost like a breath of fresh air that hurt to inhale. Rocket didn't like many people, but at that moment, he decided he hated you less than everyone else.
Now, you remained silent as you listened to Rocket and Nebula complain about the false lead Carol had given them. Okoye updated everyone on what was happening in the African lands. No one seemed to be sure of anything, you realized, they were all lost, trying to convince themselves they were doing something.

"Carol, will we see you here soon?" Nat asked the powerful woman, who shook her head.

"What? Going to change your haircut again?" Rocket teased, Carol called him "fur face" and reminded you all that Earth wasn't the only affected planet. You glanced sideways at Natasha, seeing her sigh in frustration.

"This channel is always active, if something goes wrong... talk to me” and of course, Natasha was taking on as much weight as she could, which unsettled you. But you forced yourself to remain silent, observing from the corner while everyone said their goodbyes.

Rocket and Nebula waved at you. Natasha sighed, collapsing into her chair when everyone left, or so she thought. She looked surprised to see Rhodes still there, and of all things, you never thought the man would talk about Barton.
Rhodes spoke about the horrible things Clint had been doing, and it pained you to see how Natasha recoiled at every sentence, how she bit her cheek and held back tears thinking about her best friend meeting such a lonely end. You wanted to run to Natasha, hug her, but you knew you couldn't because she immediately put her mask back on.

"Can you find out where he is?" she asked, trying to sound casual while biting her sandwich, even though the bread was salty from her tears.

"Nat...” Rhodes murmured, but Natasha knew she had to, because Clint was the man who saved her life, gave her another chance, her best friend, and it was her turn to rescue him from himself.

"Please...” Natasha pleaded tearfully. Rhodes looked at you for a moment, as if asking what to do, as if asking if Natasha could handle any more of this. You felt the Widow's eyes on you but didn't have the courage to look back. You wanted to say no, do everything to keep her safe, but you knew it wasn't up to you. You knew Natasha needed this, so you nodded.

Rhodes sighed, looking unhappy. He said his goodbyes, and suddenly it was just the two of you in the quiet room. It had been a long time since it was just the two of you, as if you both had been avoiding this situation.
You heard Natasha choke, starting to cry softly, and for a moment, you didn't know what to do. In another time, you would have already been by her side, giving her all the comfort in the world, but things were different now. Now you didn't know how she would react if you approached and wrapped her in a once-familiar embrace.
But the moment she cried harder, you didn't care about risking another heartbreak. You walked over to her and hugged her.

Natasha immediately clung to you, burying her face in your stomach while clutching your shirt like a lifeline, as if she wanted you there even though you knew it was a lie. When she finally calmed down and pulled away from you, the atmosphere was awkward again. You put your hands in your pockets while she wiped away her tears, neither of you saying a word.

"Peanut butter and jelly sandwich again?" you asked, looking at the half-eaten sandwich on the plate. Natasha laughed, forced and tearful.

"Yeah, you know my eating habits…” she crossed her arms and looked at you with a weak smile. You puffed out your cheeks, exhaling strongly to hide your concern.

"Well, I suppose since I'm here, I could make you something to eat” you tried to say casually. Natasha opened her mouth to protest, but under your pleading gaze, nothing came out.

The kitchen is empty and quiet now, Natasha looking around as if remembering every time it had been full. You move in silence, the cupboards almost bare and the dishes covered in dust.
Natasha sits on the counter, and you can't tell if she really sees you as she watches you cook. It's not a Michelin-star dish, but after a few minutes of complete silence, you place a plate of pasta in front of her.
You don’t want to stay and watch her eat, knowing she wouldn’t like that, so you can only trust her as you prepare to leave.

"I was going to offer to make dinner, but you guys would just be even sadder” you turn to see Steve at the door, he gives a knowing nod and smile.

"Here to use the laundry?" Natasha asks, setting the untouched plate aside.

"And to see a friend”

"Believe me, your friend is fine” the Widow tries to convince him again, and they start making small talk about whales. You stand there awkwardly, wishing there was a way to slip out unnoticed from this situation where you feel like an outsider. "If you came here to tell me to look on the bright side, I'll hit you with this pasta”

"Force of habit” Steve says with a weak smile as he approaches. The atmosphere is quiet and tense again, and you just want to leave, but you’re too embarrassed to take the step. Steve looks at you for a moment, and suddenly he seems to bear all his years. "I keep telling people they have to move on, grow... some manage it, but we don’t”

"If I move on, who will do it?" Natasha asks, her voice breaking from crying.

"Maybe it’s not necessary”

"I had nothing... then I found this, this job, this family. And I got better because of it... and even though they aren’t here, I keep trying to improve” you try to hide your proud smile, but Steve catches it.

"I think we need to have a life” the Captain insists, and Natasha ponders before responding.

"You first”

And then they smile at each other like old friends. You clear your throat, urgently needing to leave this scene.

"I have to go, I promised Kate I’d stop by” you explain, not wanting to be fooled by the pang of disappointment you think you saw in Natasha's expression. Steve smiles and nods, and as you pass, he gently touches your arm.

"You will always care” he says, and you look from him to Natasha for a moment. The redhead seems guilty for understanding his words. But then the alarm goes off, and a peculiar man appears.

"Is anyone there?! This is Scott Lang, we met a few years ago” You’re not the best with names, but you’ve heard Natasha talk about the time she faced Ant-Man, and how he disappeared. So, all of you let him in immediately.

Scott babbles to himself for a full minute. You see Natasha and Steve exchange uncertain glances, and you know it’s time to leave.

"Wait, you can’t go” Steve says, stopping you again “we need you”

"You don’t need me, Steve” the man sighs at your objection.

"He really seems to have something, and if it’s the chance we’ve been hoping for all these years?" the Captain says, and you look at the neurotic Ant-Man behind him.

"Then I wish the best of luck to our heroes” You give him a respectful pat on the arm before looking at Natasha one last time and leaving.

It hurts to leave Natasha behind, thinking you gave up. Maybe you did give up, maybe you are too resentful. You are not a hero, you weren’t before, and you certainly aren’t now. They don’t need you, they didn’t before, and they certainly don’t now.

Kate moved apartments after a year, she couldn’t stay in that place without the friend who, for some reason, preferred to sneak in through the window instead of using the door. You ring the bell of the new apartment, Lucky and Fanny barking on the other side before the brunette appears with a big smile as always.
You hug her and greet the dogs, who are happily jumping around as Kate takes the pizza you brought to the kitchen. She had suggested you and Natasha keep Fanny, but seeing the girl’s attachment to the dog, you two knew it was better for things to remain as they were.

"You managed to put that shelf together” you observe before joining her at the kitchen counter, Kate nods enthusiastically while chewing with her mouth full. You eat in comfortable silence for a moment until you notice a strange paper on the counter "The New Avengers?"

"A weird girl was here, she’s gathering young people with abilities for this new group... since we no longer have anyone to protect us” she speaks softly, almost afraid you’ll scold her, that you’ll say if something bad happens, a hero will magically appear. But you both know that’s not true. "Bad things still happen every day, crime is increasing more and more, we can’t afford to... wait for things to go back to how they were” You think about how Kate has also given up.

”Yelena would have hated this” the younger one laughs at your comment.

"Totally! She would’ve said: Kate Bishop, aren’t you too old for group work?" she says with a forced accent, and you laugh. "And then she would’ve created her own group just to contradict me!"

"And it would have the worst people in it...”

You both laugh together for a moment at the thought. You wonder if you should tell her about Clint and about Ant-Man, who seems to have come up with a miraculous solution.
You look outside, and for the past five years, it just seems to rain. It’s strange how everything in Kate's presence reminds you directly of the sister you lost. You are pulled back to a rainy day, years ago. You were doing a crossword puzzle on the couch while Yelena sprawled on the carpet with her own sheet.
The sky lit up and there was a loud noise, Yelena flinched as the rain intensified. Yelena is an ex-Widow, she was trained not to show fear or weakness... in front of everyone except you. The blonde knelt on the carpet, extending her hand to you, never taking her eyes off the window.
You hold her hand, looking at her with concern.

“Don’t like thunderstorms either?” you ask, referring to all the nights Natasha clung to you because of the lightning outside. Yelena shakes her head, gripping your hand tightly, looking like a frightened child.

“I don’t like the sound it makes…” she shivers as another flash of lightning appears.

“Oh no…” you hum, opening the blanket for her. She immediately crawls in and climbs on top of you. “I have a plan, do you want to hear it?” Yelena rests her head on your shoulder, her pout becoming more noticeable, and she nods slowly “lay your head on my chest…”

Yelena doesn't resist, nestling against your chest and resting her head there. Feeling your hand gently stroking her hair... for a moment, just for a moment, Yelena seemed almost fragile. You cover her free ear with your hand, holding her close as you start to hum.
Yelena closes her eyes, she lets out a small sigh, almost melting into you at the sound of your humming. She feels relaxed again, the sound of your heartbeat and your humming a sweet distraction from the storm outside... It was like a little lullaby...
Yelena leans into your touch, the sensation of your hand in her hair, so gentle... So different from how other people in her life touch her. She was practically purring as you ran your fingers through her hair.
Your humming and singing were so soothing... and through her sleepy haze, Yelena whispered a soft “I love you” in Russian.

Kate is used to seeing you like this, with tears in your eyes as you confront the shadows of your past. You often get this way around her, so she has grown accustomed to holding your hand gently, bringing you back to reality.
You smile gratefully, looking at your intertwined fingers, deciding she deserves to know what's happening.

“They are going after Clint” you can see the girl is struck by this information, even though she tries unsuccessfully to hide it. “He needs to be stopped…” you don’t go into details, telling the girl everything her father figure has done in his grief. You know Kate respects you, that she would obey if you implied she shouldn’t get involved, but you also respect her and know she has the right to make her own decision. “Do you want to come?”

“No”

She says simply, and you agree, without objections.
After a while, you say goodbye to Kate and the dogs, taking the subway back to the institute where the Widows are. Having lived there for a few years now, you greet everyone, hugging Melina and Alexei when you find them.

“You need to shave that beard” you joke with the man as you always do, even knowing he never would, Yelena liked it that way. Melina smiles at the two of you and takes you with her, asking about Natasha, and you answer as usual.
The corridor isn’t as bustling as it once was, and yet you bump into Jack, a reserved and kind young man. You and he have coffee together sometimes, talking about his journey as trans man and his future as a fashion designer. He gives you a weak smile, carrying a box in his hands.

“More of her things, I’m taking them for Melina to keep” Jack used to be Janice’s roommate before the woman also disappeared. You and he exchange a silent conversation in your resentful glances. “Do you think it hurt?” Jack asks, and it’s as if a balloon deflates in your trachea, locking everything there.

You've wondered that a million times, if it hurt, if it was quick, as gentle as falling asleep. Maybe the loss hurts less than the doubt, after all.

When you finally reach your room, your cat greets you warmly. She’s old now, and still curls up with you in bed.
In your dream, a transparent and angelic veil covers the entire room. You and Natasha are sitting on the soft carpet, faces close as you lean over the coffee table and whisper.

“I love you more than warm nights” you say in a lazy tone. Natasha ponders.

“I love you more than my morning matcha”

“Uhh... I love you more than warm nights and fresh fruit” Natasha smiles at your response.

“I love you more than matcha and Bond movies” you smile, brushing the red strands from her face.

“I love you more than warm nights, fresh fruit, and... Bossa Nova” you close your eyes as the other woman traces your face with her finger.

“I love you more than matcha, Bond movies, and motorcycle”

“I love you more than warm nights, Bossa Nova, and…”

“You messed up!” Natasha kneels, pointing excitedly at you.

“What?!” you lean back on the couch, watching Natasha stand up.

“You forgot the fresh fruit!” you hide your face in your hands, grunting. “I won, you lost!” the redhead sings, doing a victory dance that brings a big smile to your face. You place your foot between her thighs, pulling until she falls into your lap, still convinced. “You owe me a massage”

“Okay…” you murmur lovingly, unable to take your sparkling eyes off her. “Here?” you massage one of her shoulders, and she instinctively smiles and curls up like a ticklish child. You continue the attack even as she tries to escape your lap.

You can still hear her laughter when you wake up.

Your days follow the same routine: therapy, dinners with Melina and Alexei. It's strange to see how even they have succumbed to melancholy.
You only see them genuinely happy again when evening falls for dinner, and Natasha is there.
Everyone speaks little during dinner. Melina talks about new projects she's working on, Alexei talks about the self-help book he's writing—oh God—you talk about the sessions, but Natasha says nothing. What she has to say, no one wants to hear, no one wants to listen to the attempts being made to return everything to normal because in the end, nothing ever works.

At the end of dinner, Natasha accompanies you to the room to reunite with the old cat that curls up affectionately at the redhead’s feet. You stand in the corner, observing the interaction with crossed arms.
It's bitter having Natasha here, your Natasha. She holds the cat and discreetly —only you could notice—she analyzes the room.
There’s not much to see really, a single bed, a small wardrobe, a well-organized dresser, and some coats hanging on the door, no window. You’ve always liked windows, the other woman thinks.
You can’t stand the silence any longer, can’t bear knowing that Natasha didn’t come here just for a family dinner, and she knows it.

“We have a chance” she says, and then tells you about Scott’s theory, about time travel and other things you’ve only heard about in your favorite Doctor Who episodes. It’s hard to tell what’s more shocking, the crazy plan forming or you having refused. “I come here and say we have a chance to bring everyone back... to bring her back, and you say no?” the redhead speaks angrily.

“You never needed my permission, Natália” you say tiredly, still in the corner.

“No, but having a extra super serum and a metal arm would be nice” It hurts to hear that, it hurts to know that she's only there because she needs you as a weapon.

“I have other responsibilities now”

“Like what? Therapy groups? Continuing to pretend you’ve moved on?!”

“I could never move on! She was my sister too!” You get close.

“Then do something, damn it!” The atmosphere is heavy, suffocating, your breaths are short, and your eyes are laden as you look at each other.

Natasha's lips were turned down at the corners, and she was frustrated with you. You sighed and opened the door to let the cat out, who had sensed the hostile shift in the atmosphere. As soon as you closed the door, both of Natasha's hands were on your chest, pushing you.

Obviously, you didn't budge, looking at her with a tired expression, your head tilting to the side as if to say: Really?

But that didn't stop the redhead from pushing you again and again, grabbing your shirt and slapping your chest while all you did was let her hit you.

"Do something!" Natasha screamed with a raw throat, continuing to attack you while you tried to restrain her.

You couldn't tell if it was you or her, but at some point, her lips were on yours, and you were pushing her against the wall, your fingers in her hair, moving her head to the side to kiss her neck, which she respond with a needy moan.

You sucked and nipped at the skin of her throat, your knee slowly sliding between her legs and your hands invading her shirt.

You hummed, your breathing growing shallower as you rocked your knee against the redhead’s core, she desperately moving against you.
Natasha moaned when you slipped your tongue into her mouth, your hands moving to remove her shirt without breaking the kiss, taking it off and throwing it to the floor.
You pulled back to look at her, her pale skin sprinkled with short blonde hairs, her chest rising and falling quickly as her breath hitched with desire, and the flush on her cheeks caught between you and the wall.

You grabbed her hips, your fingers leaving marks on the pale skin as you started to give open-mouthed kisses on her chest, your tongue tracing the ridges of her collarbone.
She sticks her fingers in your hair, pushing you down, your kisses descended across her stomach as you slowly sank to your knees before her.

"I missed seeing you like this..." she leaned back against the wall, running her hand along your face. You shivered with a chill, looking at her as she ran her thumb over your lips.

You hummed, eyes fixed on hers as you took her thumb into your mouth, your tongue slowly sliding over the tip, sucking gently for a moment before releasing it.

Maintaining eye contact, your fingers slid her pants down, letting them pool at Natasha's knees as you pulled her closer.

Your kisses started to climb up her knee, becoming deeper and more open the closer you got to her core, your hand pressing against her breast, the nipple hardening between your fingers making her bite her lip as she suppresses a moan.

Natasha gasped, barely able to keep her eyes on you as you trailed kisses along her inner thighs.

Getting closer and closer until you were finally at the edge of her core, you looked up at her again before asking.

"Do you know what I missed?"

"W-what?"

"The taste of you on my lips..."

You moved slightly, your hands moving down from her thighs to her inner knees, slowly pushing them even farther apart as you pulled her closer. Your lips quickly resumed, trailing kisses up the inside of her thigh again, this time not stopping, your tongue starting to tease against the flesh of her core. She could feel your breath against her, and the heat of your body as you held her.

Your tongue moved against her sensitive skin, licking and flicking softly. With your lips, kissing gently between breaths, you slowly released one of her thighs, your fingers tracing gently from her knee to her hip, and you grabbed her tightly while your lips continued their work, and you moaned, a small sigh of desire and satisfaction.

Natasha cried out loudly, collapsing against the wall. You continued with your tongue and lips working on her, eliciting small moans from both of you. Your hands still holding her hips tightly, and your free hand moving gently over the sensitive skin of her thigh. You could already taste her, and as you began to deepen your tongue, you felt yourself getting slick between your own legs, needing her as much as possible.

You couldn't continue the thought, your tongue delving deeper, savoring and eagerly licking the growing wetness, your eyes once again looking up, watching her face, she looked beautiful like this. Head tilted back, leaning against the wall for support, her breathing becoming unstable and erratic as you continued your work.

She tangled her fingers in your hair, sinking you into her, your mouth working against her hungrily. She pulls your hair, pulling you away from her. God, she always loved how you almost looked pathetic like this, panting and with your face glowing because of her.

"Take me to bed…" she cried, you give a wet kiss on her hip before standing up.

"I was waiting for you to say that..." you pulled her into a deep kiss as you began to guide her towards the bed. As soon as the edge of the bed hit the back of her legs, you make her lie down.

"Say you're mine" you whispered between the kiss.

"I’m yours, only yours… my body, my soul… forever" her breath hitched, her words sending a shiver down your spine. You leaned into her neck, leaving a mark as a claim. “Please…” you bit her neck again, this time harder.

"Please what, my love...?" Natasha didn’t say anything, just brought your hand to her mouth, sucking on your middle and ring fingers deeply. You let out a deep breath through your nose as you watched her, your eyes darkened, looking at her mouth sucking your fingers, she was... so lewd, it was beautiful.

You moved your fingers out of her mouth, followed by a string of saliva.
Your hand moved, pressing against her core, slowly sliding over the smooth flesh, your eyes once again following your progress before returning to her face. A soft sigh came from her, you knew she was desperate for you, it would be, you thought, cruel to make her wait.

Her head fell back, eyes closed. Another deep breath through your nose, she was... captivating, lying beneath you, all flushed and whimpering, desperate for you. Your metal hand hold her neck, the tips of your fingers traced her skin, her breathing still quick and erratic.
A thought crossed your mind, and you leaned down with your mouth near her ear.

"Be good and keep your hands by your head for me..." you pulled back to look at her face, her eyes now on you "can you do that for me, baby? Let me make you feel good"

"But I want to touch you..." you smiled, letting out a laugh as she pouted.

"No. You will be good for me, and you'll keep your arms still, understood?"

Natasha raised her hands above her head, exposing herself to you, who smiled and left a quick kiss of satisfaction on her lips.
Your hand moved back down her body, fingers dancing over her skin until they reached her chest, your palm pressed over her heart, feeling its rapid rhythm, like a rabbit caught by the wolf.

"You're trembling" you whispered, looking at Natasha, who held back tears of anticipation.

The sound of her low, needy moan was all you needed.

All your control had given up, and your mouth, your tongue, moved against her, holding her down on the bed, keeping her legs open while you gave her what she wanted.

Your tongue was slow at first, tracing lines you already knew, tasting her, you wanted to prolong this, to make it so good for her. Your tongue flicked and twirled, entering her while you held her tighter as she squirmed, one hand over her mouth to stifle the sounds.

Your tongue began to quicken its pace, still teasing but giving just enough to keep her on the edge.

You moved faster, with more force, everything to make her cry out louder, to push her further, her body trembling with each shuddering moan, you wanted the whole town to hear her, to know who she belonged to, to know she was yours.

Your eyes looked at her, finding hers, and she was absolutely wrecked. Were everything about her, you were giving her everything you could.
Natasha falls back with a loud groan.

"I'm going to…" hearing her so close was more than you could bear. Your tongue pressed harder, faster, hands gripping her hips now digging into her skin.

And then Natasha explodes, convulsing as she cries loudly.
When she falls back, her face is red, she's panting with her lips swollen and parted, and tears of pleasure stream down her cheeks.
Your hands moved gently over her belly, drawing random shapes on the sensitive skin, you just wanted to touch her, just feel her, and you couldn't look away. You could see the marks from your hands on her. Your hands moved up her belly, over the marks your tongue had left on her skin, until they rested gently on her flushed face, tracing her swollen lips, and even exhausted, Natasha opened them for you.
And you let her clean any remnants of what you had done, and when Natasha got dressed and left, neither of you looked back.

Your old cat reappears at the door, meowing as if she doesn't want Natasha to leave.
You also wanted to ask her not to go, to curl up with her like a clingy cat because you love her more than hot nights, fresh fruits, and Bossa Nova.
You love her in a way that you’d run to save her if she asked, and that’s why you find her and Steve that afternoon, and she seems shocked to see you.

“Are you coming?”

“Where are you going?”

“Tony”

“You’ll need a babysitter”

And so, you get into the car without looking at her and Steve, who exchange smiles. You didn’t know what you were about to face, what the future and the past would bring, but you would do anything to bring that little girl with big, green, curious eyes back home.
You didn’t need to be an Avenger or a Guardian for that, you just needed to be what you already were, an older sister, and Hope would return.