Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“이 밤 향기에 또 취하고 .”

”Leather or jeans?”

Felix pulls away from where he’s bent over in front of the mirror finishing up his makeup, glancing over to Hyunjin who stood in his doorway while holding out the two options for him to see.

”With that shirt? Leather for sure.” He affirms with a small grin. Hyunjin hums in approval, twirling the hanger with the leather pants happily. “I figured you’d say that. Can never be too sure though. You almost ready to head out?”

Felix turns back to the mirror, blinking at his reflection. The soft brown shadow on his lids is diffused nicely and the light blush and glitter all across his face allowed for his freckles to still shine through, his lips plump and a deep pink shade. His blonde hair flows down in messy waves from where it’s parted in the middle, the mullet grown out and curling around his neck slightly just a few inches above his shoulder. He fiddles with the shorter front pieces with a small frown, staring at the natural shade of his hair starting to peek out from his scalp. “Yeah, I am. I probably need to get my roots redone sometime soon, huh?”

”I actually really like your hair like that.” Hyunjin struggles to get out as he glances over, fighting to squirm his legs into the restrictive material of the leather pants— his face flushed and hair a mess as he scowls. “Ugh! I should’ve powdered my legs before this—“

“I tell you time and time again to do it, but you never listen. Hold on.” Felix huffed, coming to a stand and walking over to help the other omega. He grasps the back waistband as Hyunjin grabs the front, and with enough tugging along with help from Hyunjin hopping all over the place, they’re able to pull the leather up to his waist with equal sighs of relief.

“What would I do without you, Angel!” Hyunjin purrs, landing a smacking loud kiss on Felix’s cheek as he buttons and zips up his jeans— glancing down at what Felix was wearing with raised eyebrows. “You look sexy, but will you be okay with your neck exposed like that? Are you planning on putting scent blockers on?”

Felix glances down at his own clothes, the black tank top tucked into his own leather pants and tightened with a belt. The neckline droops low, exposing his collarbones and a good amount of his chest— the only thing really covering his neck being the thin and simple gold chain that dangled loosely around it. “No blockers, but don’t worry. I have a jacket to wear overtop.” He reassures, grabbing the black zip up from his chair and slipping it on with a beaming smile.

Hyunjin slips into his own jacket and shoves his wallet and phone into his pockets before grabbing Felix’s hand, tugging him out of the bedroom and towards the front door with his own grin. “We’re not too far from the place. It’ll probably take about ten minutes for us to get there if you wanna text hyung.” Felix slips into his boots, smile faltering at the mention of Chan. Hyunjin picks up on it immediately as he finishes lacing up his own shoes, lips pursing in a grim line as he shrugs. “Or don’t. Maybe he’ll finally get his head out of his ass if you don’t text him.”

Felix sighs, shaking his head slightly as he pulls his phone out and opens his messages to start typing. “You know I can’t do that.”

Hyunjin stretches back up to a stand, arms crossing and eyes rolling. “Moon, he’s so fucking dense that it’s painful. And you encouraging his stupidity just makes me want to claw my own eyes out so I don’t have to watch it anymore.”

”Hyunjin.” Felix admonishes gently, throwing a warning glance towards the other omega after pressing send. Hyunjin simply throws his hands up in defeat, huffing as he opens the door and slips out with a slight grumble. “Whatever. You’ll get tired of it eventually, mark my words.”

Felix opens his mouth to retort, only to be stopped by the ping of his phone, glancing down.

Channie Hyung 🐺

[11:06pm]

Jinnie and I are leaving rn

Be there in 10-15ish mins :)

[11:07pm]

see you soon sunshine

Felix can’t control the stupid lovestruck smile that stretches across his face as his eyes linger on the message, and Hyunjin snorting at the sight is what breaks him away from it enough to close the screen and pocket his phone.

”Not even Bin texts me back that fast, and we’ve been together for a year… You two are hopeless.”

”Hyunjin.”

”I’m quiet.”

-

The thing is, it’s quite hard not to fall Bang Christopher Chan.

And if trying not to fall for him was hard, then trying to get over him was damn near impossible.

Felix should’ve known from that very moment out on the deck when they first met that there was no way he’d be able to see Chan as only a friend. They just clicked way too easily— the more that they realized they had in common, and the more that they realized their differences complimented each other so perfectly… it was no surprise to Felix that his feelings grew into something far deeper than what he originally had hoped.

It was scary, though— how quickly he became reliant on Chan. And Chan didn’t make it easy for him to not be, either. It was like the alpha adored to be needed by Felix— jumping at any and every opportunity to do things for him or support him. It didn’t matter if it was something as simple as peeling a tangerine— it was already out of Felix’s grasp, peeled, and pressed to his lips with an adoring hum and smile from the older boy before the omega could process that it was even gone from his hands in the first place.

Being in Chan’s presence was like a never ending mental battle between it’s just friendly and what the hell are we?

But as Hyunjin and Felix approach the crowded club and see Chan leaning against the wall, laughing along with the bouncer posted up at the door, Felix feels the pit in his stomach only grow with each step that brings them closer. Because if being cooed over made his mind all fuzzy, that was nothing compared to when they went out and this act of their agreement from a year ago locked into place.

Chan’s hair is no longer the bleached blonde from a year ago, instead cut shorter and back to its original dark brown. He’s blowdried his natural curls straight, the front pieces brushing against the tops of his eyes with his forehead peeking through. He’s got on an oversized black hoodie that’s only zipped up half way to expose what Felix realizes is a white tank top underneath from the way the zip up falls off his shoulder carelessly. Black joggers and running shoes cover his lower half.

The outfit is so comfortable, so simple, and just so Chan— that Felix’s heart still races at the sight of it, and continues to jump up to his throat when Chan’s eyes finally land on him with sparkling glee. “Lixie!”

Felix offers his own smile, willing his nerves to calm as Chan approaches them and pulls Felix into a tight hug— his face nuzzling into his hair and breathing in deeply. “Feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.” Chan mumbles, pressing Felix even closer into him and surrounding the omega with his eucalyptus and petrichor scent.

”I saw you a few days ago at your studio, remember?” Felix laughs, wrapping his own arms gently around the alpha’s neck.

”Too long.” Chan retorts, squeezing him tighter.

”I also exist, yes— thanks for asking.” Hyunjin’s voice cuts in with snark, eyebrow raised as Chan pulls back enough to let out a bright laugh at the other omega’s expression. “Hey Jinnie! Changbin’s ordering rounds inside right now, we’re just waiting on Minho and Jisung.”

Chan’s tone is cheerful, but there’s an underlining glint in his gaze that pierces into Hyunjin with intent— a commanding look that speaks with no words and has goosebumps growing across the taller omega’s neck despite the familiarity of it. It was nothing new or surprising to any of them— Chan never wanted anyone around when he scented Felix. 

Hyunjin averts his gaze with a roll of his eyes. “Got it. Don’t spend thirty minutes cuddling and making one of us come get you both like you guys did last time.”

Chan’s ears redden at that while Felix’s face flames, but Hyunjin is long gone inside before either of them can retort a response. When Chan turns back to Felix, his eyes trail across his form with a burning stare that the omega can almost feel against his skin. “You look good.” Chan comments, voice warm but with a darkened edge to it that Felix has come to notice more and more as the weeks go by.

Felix laughs, sheepish as his orange and honey scent sweetens notably. He can’t help but notice the way Chan’s nose twitches slightly and the way the alpha’s eyes flash down to his neck briefly before meeting his own again with a deeper stare. Felix swallows. “T-Thanks. You do too— we’re kinda matching with the tanks tonight, huh?”

Chan’s eyes trail down to his collarbones, lingering. “That’s a tank top?”

Felix hums with a half hearted nod, watching the way Chan steps into his space once again, a hand coming up to gently grip at the back of his neck— fingers brushing against the ends of his blonde strands.

”Might wanna keep that jacket on for tonight then, hm?” Chan murmurs, his expression calm but his eyes telling Felix a completely different story.

”Okay.” Felix responds, breathless as Chan tugs him towards a more secluded side of the building to press him carefully against the wall. The alpha grabs onto his hands, thumbs rubbing gentle circles into his skin as he looks back at Felix. “I’m going to scent you now, Lix. Is that alright?”

It never fails to almost make him laugh— every time Chan asks if it’s okay when he already knows Felix would never say no to him anyways. It was just like him to constantly reassure himself and Felix of what they do every single time— even if they’ve been doing this very thing for over a year now. Regardless of that fact, Felix nods but Chan hums low in his throat at that, head tilting slightly in warning. “Words, Felix— you know this.”

“Yes, hyung. It’s okay.” Felix murmurs back, his cheeks flaming even more as a pleased look smooths over Chan’s face— the alpha bringing Felix’s hand up to his face before pressing his cheek against the scent gland on his wrist and nuzzling against it, eyes fluttering shut at the contact. He rubs against it incessantly, the goosebumps arising up Felix’s arms as he does the same to the other wrist— their scents intertwining with a pleasant tingle up the omega’s spine and blurring the thoughts in his head as Chan gently lets go of his wrists and over his eyes.

The alpha’s stare is impeccably dark now, red speckled pupils blown out and focused intently on Felix’s own gold turned ones to spot any signs of disapproval or discomfort. When he finds none, he leans even further into his space until he’s practically towering over him despite their similar height. His wider frame covers Felix’s leaner one easily, crowding him against the wall as his nose nudges softly against the underside of the omega’s jaw— gently asking for a silent permission that Felix doesn’t hesitate to grant by turning his head and splaying his neck out in effortless submission.

Chan’s descent is immediate after that, nose pressing right up against the sensitive gland where his neck and shoulder meet, causing a notable shudder to pass through Felix’s body upon contact. Chan’s own body shivers slightly as he feels the way Felix trembles— nuzzling into his skin and wrapping the omega completely in sweetened eucalyptus and petrichor until it’s all that Felix smells like. A small strangled sound escapes from the omega when he feels the ghost of Chan’s lips barely hovering over his scent gland, watching in a daze as Chan’s hand tightens against the wall he’s got Felix pressed against.

Chan pulls himself back, the red of his alpha speckling in his irises as he stares down at Felix. “You okay?”

Felix blinks the haziness out of his gaze, golden eyes slowly fading back to speckles too. “Y-Yeah.”

Chan’s stare lingers for a long moment, burning against every inch of him that he looks at before he wraps an arm around Felix’s waist and pulls him in against his side firmly. “Come on. The others are probably waiting for us inside.”

Felix feels airy and light on his feet, but Chan’s protective arm gripping at his waist anchors him in as they enter into the crowded area and push their way through people and towards the table where the others were at, Jisung’s expression brightening excitedly when he sees them approaching. “LIX-AH!”

Clarity filters out the haze completely upon seeing the other omega, a wide grin over taking his expression as he straightens up from where he’d been leaning his weight against Chan. “Sungie!”

Chan squeezes his waist before releasing completely, letting Jisung pull him into a tight hug and twirl the blonde around as they both giggled. “I missed you!”

Felix squeezes him back just as tight before he’s set back on his feet. “I missed you too! How was Incheon?”

”It was great! My mom packed so many side dishes for everyone!” Jisung beamed, slipping back into the booth next to Minho. “Remind me the next time you all come over to give them to you guys.”

Seungmin snorts from where he’s on the other end of the booth, swirling his straw in his drink. “Invite us over first.”

Felix laughs as Jisung whines, turning to see Chan patiently waiting by the booth for Felix to take a seat first, eyes locked on the blonde omega.

Felix squeezes his wrist in thanks as he passes by, slipping into the booth and immediately being followed by Chan pressing against his side as he also takes a seat, his arm immediately stretching out over the back cushions around Felix’s shoulders— not touching but surrounding completely.

Changbin nudges shots of soju across the table towards them with a wide grin but as Felix downs his with a slight wince, Chan simply shakes his head. “Can’t.”

”Oh come on, hyung!” Changbin groans. “This place is a twelve minute walk from your apartment so you don’t need to worry about driving. Let loose a little! Moon knows you of all people need it.”

“I can’t. If we were at the apartment, that’d be different.” Felix can feel Chan shift even closer towards him, slightly tense. “I need to watch over, especially with how busy it is tonight.”

Felix sighs, knowing the main reason Chan won’t drink is because he’s here, and is avoiding it out of some annoying sense of responsibility. So he slides a shot over to the alpha himself, Chan’s eyes flickering over to him and flashing with warning. “Lix—“

”It’s just a few shots.” Felix reassures, gaze soft. “We’re all here tonight, so don’t worry and stress so much about being on alert.”

”Exactly— we’re all here to watch over your precious Lixie, so relax old man. He won’t be snatched away if you drink a shot or two.” Minho snorts, Chan directing a sharp glare his way.

Felix rolls his eyes, throwing back another shot and setting the glass down as he grabs one and holds it out to Chan. “If you don’t want to, then it’s totally okay, but don’t hold yourself back on my account. I’m fine, Chris.”

Chan stares at him for a long moment, before letting out a soft sigh as he grabs the glass and quickly downs it with a scrunch in his face. “Ugh, that never gets easier.”

”One word from Felix and he folds like paper.” Jeongin snorts to himself, scrolling through his phone with disinterest.

”Are you surprised?” Seungmin huffs, leaning his head against Jeongin’s shoulder.

”Nope.”

Felix pays them no mind, downing his third shot with ease now as he can feel himself getting buzzed. He leans back against Chan’s arm, giggling as Han and Jeongin begin bickering about some snack flavors that he couldn’t be bothered to remember.

”Innie and I found a place to lease after this semester ends.” Seungmin announces instead, cutting in to put an end to the annoying arguing between the two.

”Speaking of moving— Hyunjin is torturing me!” Changbin whines, the pout evident on his face. “We’ve already been together for a year but he refuses to move in with me.”

Hyunjin smooshes the older boy’s face with a loud huff. “We’ve been over this! Our lease doesn’t end until this summer, so you need to wait!”

”Changbin hyung is stealing my roommate.” Felix accuses, point a finger towards the buff alpha who looks offended. “Yah! You know the whole reason he didn’t sign with me last fall was because he wanted to stay with you a little longer!”

”Bokkie is my favorite.” Hyunjin shrugs, blowing Felix a kiss who giggles and pretends to catch it. “My cute Angel! I’ll miss you!”

”Are you gonna get a single after Hyunjin leaves, Lix?” Jisung asks curiously, his interest piqued as he completely forgets about his intense debate.

Felix shakes his head. “I’m moving in with Channie hyung this summer— hopefully.”

”Not hopefully, definitely.” Chan corrects with a soft smile, gentle fingers running against the ends of his hair on the nape of his neck.

Neither of them notice the glances exchanged across the table.

”Wow— so this summer, all the couples are moving in together.” Jeongin blurts out, slightly sleepy and clearly far too drunk to process his words.

The fingers against Felix’s nape tense slightly. “Yeah, well— Felix and I aren’t actually dating though.” Chan laughs awkwardly.

The table grows quiet as Felix shifts uncomfortably in his seat. It’s no secret to practically everyone else in the group that Felix is head over heels in love with Chan— everyone except the dense alpha himself, apparently. So all the nervous and almost pitiful glances being thrown his way are making his insides twist in a nasty manner as he reaches over and forces another shot down his throat.

”That won’t be weird for you guys though?” Minho cuts in, swift and blunt.

Chan’s brows furrow. “Why would it be?”

”Well— isn’t your apartment a one bedroom?”

”No, it’s a two bedroom. One’s mine and the other I turned into an at home studio. I’ll empty it out before Felix comes in though, obviously.” Chan shrugs, clearly not picking up on what everyone else was lingering on.

It seemed that Minho didn’t want to let Chan go so easily, however— continue to press him. “And what about when either of you bring people over?”

Felix clenches his hands under the table as Chan freezes next to him. “What?”

”For like, ruts or heats… or just in general.” Minho narrows his eyes in Chan, calculating and reading everything that flashes across the alpha’s expression.

”I don’t bring people home.” Chan responds, curt. “Felix doesn’t either.”

Minho glances over to Felix, brow raised. “He doesn’t?”

Felix’s face flames as Chan turns to him sharply, his gaze piercing with a burning questioning as he slowly pulls his arm away from behind the omega. “… Do you?”

”What? No.” Felix hisses, irritated with this conversation and that Minho was pushing boundaries that weren’t meant to be pushed. “Stop being weird, Minho hyung. It’ll be the same way it would be if I moved in with any of you.”

”I was just asking.” Minho shrugs, eyes flickering towards Chan who has now grown silent. “It’s not like the two of you would stay single for the rest of your lives. I find that hard to imagine.”

Felix doesn’t even want to imagine something like that.

”I need to use the bathroom.” Felix mutters, raising to a stand and crawling over Chan’s lap to get away from the now suffocating atmosphere.

Chan lets him crawl over, quiet. Then— “I’ll come with you.”

”No!” Felix responds quickly, ears reddening at the unreadable stare that filled Chan’s eyes. “I’ll be fast.”

He doesn’t wait for Chan to respond as he makes his way across the club and towards the narrow hallway that leads to the bathrooms. Instead of entering, he instead leans against the wall with a frustrated sound as he rubs his face.

Fucking hell, Minho.

He understands that it’s probably so incredibly frustrating for their friends to witness this pathetic yearning that’s lasted for as long as it has, but he just wishes that they would try and understand it from his pint of view. It’s not like he’s oblivious to the fact that the way him and Chan function was not normal in a friendship— he knows that it isn’t.

But he’s not in a position to change something that’s been working so perfectly for a year now. Not for something that he had no security in. Especially when Chan is just so utterly clueless to how their friendship looks from the outside in.

Felix already knew by that first month into their friendship and their agreement that this wasn’t something he’d simply be able to ignore. His feelings for Chan went far more deeply than he’d hoped, and putting an end to at the time seemed so frightening. He valued every second of time he spent with the alpha like it would be his last, and even thinking about those moments diminishing bit by bit brought him inexplicable despair.

It seemed like he hadn’t thought more intently of what that meant for him in the future. Is he just going to sit here and helplessly pine year after year? Watching as the rest of their friends grew further into their relationships and wishing for a moment that he could experience even a sprinkle of what that felt like?

And he knows Chan constantly says he’s got no interests in relationships— but what if one day that changed, and he was left behind simply to watch with regret of holding himself back on someone who didn’t want him the way he needed?

Felix frowns at that thought, his mind becoming gloomy as he pushes himself off the wall to make his way back and see if Hyunjin wanted to dance. His thoughts were starting to ruin the night, and he just wanted to stop thinking about it all.

That was, until he rounds the corner and goes bumping straight into a firm chest that has him stumbling back until a hand shoots out to steady him by the elbow. “Fuck, I’m so sorry—“ The alpha in front of him exclaims, breath hitching when his eyes lock onto Felix’s and lips parting in amazement. “Oh, wow— you’re um… You’re really pretty. Like insanely beautiful, actually. And you have freckles— Moon, what am I even saying.” The man blurts out, ears burning a bright red as he quickly lets go of the omega and steps back to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly. 

Felix blinks owlishly at those words, his cheeks flushing as he laughs, shy. “Oh, t-thank you.” He takes a moment to glance the alpha over. He’s tall— definitely taller than even Hyunjin with the way he towers over Felix. His arms are strong with thick bicep muscles that were exposed from the sleeveless graphic shirt he was wearing. Fluffy straight black hair that’s styled out of his face apart from the few strands at the front framed an incredibly handsome face and gentle eyes that seemed to sparkle under the dim lights of the club.

The man must have noticed the way Felix’s eyes are trailing on him, because he pauses for a moment before shyly pulling his phone out. “Um… I’m sorry if it’s a bother, but could I… get your number?”

Felix’s eyes widened, the flush spreading from his cheeks all the way across his face. “Oh! Um…” He hesitates, staring at the phone with a bite of his bottom lip before his eyes flicker up to the boy’s soft and hopeful expression. Usually Felix ignores people that ask for his number, but for a moment he finds himself actually considering giving it for once. The guy is not only respectful and cute, but also judging by the curves and lines of his muscles— clearly his type.

What harm would it do to try and get to know someone?

Felix begins to reach out as his lips part to respond, only to be startled to a stop by tight arms wrapping around his waist and a familiar chin hooking onto his shoulders as a body presses firmly against his back.

Eucalyptus and petrichor.

“You were gone for a while, so I came to see what was taking so long.” Chan murmurs into his ear, blunt as his eyes flickered over to the other alpha darkly. “Was worried someone was trying to snatch you up.”

Felix’s heart jumps, blinking wildly as he tilts his head to stare at Chan’s unreadable expression. It’s almost blank— if it wasn’t for the slight clench of his jaw that the omega picked up on almost immediately. “H-Hey. I was on my way back.”

Chan hums, eyes not tearing away from where they’re burning holes into the alpha in front of them who seems surprised as well. “What’s up, Mingyu? I almost didn’t see you there.”

“Nothing much… I accidentally bumped into…?”

”Felix.” Felix answers for him with a bright smile, Mingyu’s eyes softening when he sees the crinkles of the omega’s eyes. “I didn’t realize you knew Channie hyung?”

”I’ve known Chan since high school.” Mingyu’s own lips begin to curl up into its own smile, eyes trailing ever so slightly across Felix’s face.

Chan’s grip seems to tighten slightly, and Felix gently sets his hand overtop of his wrists in questioning as he hums in acknowledgement. “I keep forgetting hyung went to secondary school here.”

Mingyu blinks in surprise. “Are you also Australian?”

”He is.” Chan responds, cutting Felix off before he can even open his mouth, and causing the omega to roll his eyes in annoyance.

Mingyu’s eyes flicker from Felix over to Chan, eyebrow raised slightly. There seems to be a silent conversation happening that Felix can’t possibly understand. Because it’s only a few moments after, that Mingyu takes a step back, nodding to himself while pocketing his phone. “Right… I’ll see you around, then!”

Felix’s brows furrow at the strange interaction as Mingyu turns and begins to walk away, taking an unconscious step forward. “Wait, my number—“

”Felix.” Chan states, voice calm as he gently pulls the omega back towards him with a firm grip. “Don’t worry about that. Are you okay?”

Felix turns to him, bewildered and slightly irritated. “What do you mean? Of course I’m fine, hyung… Why did you act like that?”

Chan’s lips press together tightly, face passive but eyes so very clearly storming. “Like what?”

Like you were jealous.

Felix almost says it, the words scratching at the tip of his tongue to be released, but he holds it back to stare at Chan seriously for a long moment. He doesn’t know if he can keep doing this anymore. They’re slowly descending down a path that they won’t be able to recover from, and Felix doesn’t know what he’ll do when they reach the bottom of it.

”That was a friend of yours, wasn’t it? So then why did you put up an act in front of him?” Felix tries instead, a gentle nudge of questioning that won’t cause a spiral but enough to push the alpha out of his comfortable bubble of blissful unawareness.

Something dangerously dark flashes across Chan’s expression for a moment, only for his features to smoothen out in nonchalance. “He was hitting on you. I was just doing what I was supposed to.”

”Doing what you were supposed to.” Felix repeats, baffled. “Are you serious?”

Chan nods, and Felix wants to smash the nearest chair he can find against the side of his head.

”That’s the only reason? Because you felt obligated to?”

Chan swallows. “What other reason would there be?”

Felix goes silent, the sharp edge of those words piercing deep into his soul as he stares blankly back at the alpha. He almost wants to laugh— knowing he really only has himself to blame for this. He should have never clung onto someone as tightly as he did with Chan to begin with. It really shouldn’t even be surprising that the outcome of all that waiting and hoping for things to change, for things to be different… was this.

Absolutely nothing.

“I’m not feeling great.” Felix mutters, voice thick with emotion as he averts his gaze from the alpha in front of him— unable to even look at the other man anymore. “I wanna go home.”

And it’s as if all the tension that had been brewing across the surface completely fizzled out for Chan— his expression switching from guarded to worried. It pisses Felix off almost as much as it hurts him— how easy it is for the alpha to go back to being so clueless. “What’s wrong? Do you want me to walk you back to your place?”

”No.” Felix stops him, scent souring. “Hyunjin will take me home.”

He doesn’t wait for Chan to respond before he’s pushing his way past him and back towards their table— just barely able to hold back the prickling start of tears in his eyes and the shakiness of his breathing.

When he reaches the table, it only takes one look at his expression for Hyunjin to jump out of his seat and grab their phones, sending a knowing look towards Changbin before wrapping a loving arm around Felix’s shoulders. “We’re heading out early today! Got plans in the morning and all.”

It’s clear that no one else around the table believes those words by the varying expressions of understanding to sympathetic that only makes Felix feel worse. He doesn’t even bother to fake a smile as the others bid them goodbye and Hyunjin steers him towards the doors. “Come on— let’s get out of here before he can catch up to us and make it even worse.”

When they finally step outside into the chilly night air, it’s only then that Felix finally lets the hot tears he’d been holding back to spill out onto his cheeks, sniffling loudly.

”Moon’s sake, Bokkie… You can’t keep letting him do this to you.” Hyunjin mutters, gently pulling the blonde into his arms with a reassuring hug.

”You were right.” Felix whispers against the taller omega’s shoulder, blinking the tears out of his blurring gaze. Hyunjin only squeezes him tighter.

”I can’t keep doing this anymore.”

-

Felix sucks in a deep breath, gathering up enough courage to bring his hand up and knock on the door. He waits in anxious silence, fingers twisting around the zipper of his open jacket as the sound of muffled footsteps grow louder and closer, until finally it opens.

”Lix!” Chan beams, his entire expression brightening when he notices it’s him— quickly opening the door wider and stepping aside to make room.

”Hey.” Felix answers, voice slightly weak as he forces a small smile across his cheeks and shuffles inside. He slips out of his shoes as Chan closes the door with a beep, and barely begins to turn when he’s engulfed in a tight hug.

Felix tenses within his grip, lips pursed in a grim line as Chan giggles and shakes them back and forth. “I didn’t know you were coming today. How are you feeling after the other night? Any better?”

Felix winces, remembering how he’d cried himself asleep in Hyunjin’s arms and the other omega has been kind enough to take his makeup off for him afterwards. “I’m… fine. I’m actually heading down to the studio after this but I needed to talk to you first.”

Chan hums in acknowledgement, nuzzling into the sensitive skin of his neck as his fresh scent thickening slightly. “You’re taking the bus? I’ll scent you before you leave and you can take my hoodie—“

”That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, Chris.” Felix cuts him off swiftly, voice firm. “Are you busy?”

Chan pulls back, head tilting in slight confusion at the seriousness in the omega’s tone— almost like a confused puppy as Felix nervously slips out of his shoes. “Not really? I was just cleaning the kitchen. Do you want anything to drink or eat before you go?”

“No, I’m fine.” Felix responds, following Chan into the kitchen and taking a seat at the island while the alpha shifts to the other side of the countertop to continue wiping the glass display bowls that his mom had sent a few months back and had sat untouched while collecting dust.

Chan had always had one of the nicer apartments out of the group, being able to afford living alone while still finishing up his degree because he’d also been consistently working alongside his classes, and getting paid incredibly well on top of it all. He already had a list of offers from entertainment companies waiting for him to ponder over after he got his degree.

”I’ve been thinking a lot these past few weeks.” Felix begins, slow and careful as he watches Chan’s expression.

Chan’s gaze flickers up to him for a moment, brows raised but turning back down to the task below. “Okay, I’m listening… What have you been thinking about?”

”I’ve always had it on my mind for a while now, but it wasn’t until that conversation with Minho hyung last night that I realized I needed to do something.”

Chan sighs, shaking his head. “If Minho said anything that made you upset—“

”He didn’t.” Felix cuts the alpha off quickly, shaking his head.

Your response to what he was saying is what upset me. He thinks to himself quietly, picking slightly at his nails. It’s what he really wants to say, but how could he possibly explain what that meant without everything crumbling away like dry sand? Truth was, he couldn’t. Not if he wasn’t we for things to get even worse by bringing it to the alpha’s attention that something was actually wrong.

”It’s been a year since we last met, right?” Felix starts, treading carefully with his words as a fond smile grows on Chan’s lips at those words. “Yeah, crazy how fast time flies, huh?”

Felix stays quiet for a moment.

”Hyung, I’m just gonna say it flat out… I want to stop the whole fake boyfriend thing.”

Felix watches the smile fade from Chan’s face, eyes widening in alarm and face contorting into one of pure confusion. “You… What?”

Felix swallows, staring down at the fluffy carpet beneath his feet to avoid the alpha’s piercing gaze. “I wanna stop. I don’t want us to keep pretending anymore.”

“Why?”

Felix fiddles with his thumbs, the dread only growing the longer the tension in the room drags on. “I want a real boyfriend, Chris. Wanna go on actual dates again, and have someone to spend my heats with. It’s been kinda hard to do that lately when everybody is still convinced we’re together—“

A loud crack is the only warning he gets to look up with alarm, watching in shock as the glass bowl in Chan’s hands completely shatters in his tightened grip, the shards falling to the ground below.

When his wide eyes trail up from the floor to meet Chan’s own darkened stare, he feels his heart drop to his stomach.

“Lately?” Chan bites out, eyes flashing red. “What do you mean by lately?”

Felix stares in shocked silence for a long moment, dumbfounded by what has just happened until the sight of blood leaking from a cut on Chan’s hand breaks him from his stupor. “Holy shit, Chris— are you okay!?”

He reaches out to grab his hand and inspect the injury closer, but Chan yanks it out of reach, his eyes burning with a furious fire as they pierce into Felix. “I asked a question, Felix.”

Felix blinks at him, stunned. “I… I don’t know what you want me to say? This wasn’t going to go on forever, it’s pretty obvious—“

”I know that!” Chan snaps, a frustration growing on his face that Felix does not understand. “You weren’t going to tell me? Who have you been seeing!?”

Felix scowls, irritated by the sudden attitude from the older alpha. “This is me telling you. I haven’t been seeing anyone yet, because everyone is convinced that we’re actually a couple.”

”You say that like it’s such an awful thing.” Chan mutters bitterly.

”It kind of is.”

”How!?”

”Because it’s not real, Chris!” Felix finally explodes, cheeks flaming with both anger and embarrassment.

”That’s what you and I agreed on a year ago, so what changed now?” Chan demands, and Felix seriously didn’t expect so much resistance about this from the alpha’s end. If anything, he thought he would’ve gotten a simple shrug and an okay from the older boy, but clearly he’d been wrong.

”What changed is that I want more.” Felix finally admits, not able to meet Chan’s gaze anymore. “My heats aren’t getting easier, and maybe I wasn’t interested in getting in a relationship back then, but things have changed. I see how in love Hyunjin is with Changbin hyung when he comes back from their weekly dates. I see how happy Jisung gets when Minho hyung brings him cheesecake slices from his favorite bakery and drops them off while he’s studying randomly. I see how excited Jeongin gets when Seungmin agrees to stay the night in his dorm room despite the fact that they could get in trouble with the RA. I want that, Chris. I want it badly.”

Chan is silent.

It’s probably the longest silence Felix has ever been in with him, and it’s almost unbearable. He sighs, standing up and circling around to grab the alpha’s wrist and inspect the cut. Chan lets him, his face completely empty and his eyes lost in a daze as he stares off to the side.

”You’re bleeding, hyung.” Felix tells him softly, guiding him over to the sink and turning the faucet onto a cold stream before gently guiding Chan’s bleeding hand under it. The alpha’s scent has gone sour and burned, but his expression gives nothing away to what he’s thinking as he simply stares down at where Felix is holding his hand steady under the splashing water that flows across both of their skin.

”Are you mad?” Felix mumbles, peeking a look over carefully. He already knows Chan is mad. All that just transpired is evidence enough of that, but he’s more curious to the reason behind why he was than if he was.

That question is what gets Chan to finally look over at him, eyes trailing across his face with an evident tiredness. He lets out a quiet sigh, turning away. “No— I have no right to be. I just… I don’t want you to get hurt, Felix.”

I already am. He thinks to himself, but swallows that one down along with the lump growing in his throat. At the end of the day, it’s not his place to get Chan to figure out what he wants. And he can’t wait around hoping that one day when he finally does figure it out, that it’ll align with what he’s been desperately wanting.

”That’s out of your control, Chris.” Felix replies instead, tone gentle and patient. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re obligated to have some sort of responsibility towards protecting me when it comes to people approaching with intentions of dating or whatever. You’ve helped me a lot throughout these months, and I’m so grateful for it. But this is me telling you that you don’t need to worry about it anymore, okay? I want to start dating.”

Chan doesn’t look at him as he offers a curt nod, pulling his hand out of Felix’s grasp and shutting the faucet before drying his hands and handing the towel to Felix to do the same. “Okay. Whatever you want, Felix. I… Keep me updated, alright? I just need to make sure you’re safe for my own peace of mind.”

“Of course.” Felix pulls out a bandaid from one of the drawers, unwrapping it and carefully placing it onto the fresh cut on Chan’s palm before holding it up to the alpha’s view with a proud smile. “See? All better now!”

Chan’s eyes flicker from the bandaged skin to Felix’s face, something sorrowful swirling across his stare before he offers him a weak smile in return, eyes hollow. “Still aches a bit.”