Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

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Do you really like being so gifted? Intelligent? Talented?

Don't you see what you- we have to go through?

How about all your illnesses? Disorders?

People will treat you so differently- 

Senku reluctantly responded; ‘You think I enjoy that crap? Really?   You think I don't second guess myself already? You should know- I don't care what people think of me, as long as that doesn't get in the way.’  .... ‘They won't find out regardless.’

Oh come on, You know you're full of shit right now.

‘Go away,’ Senku said, irritated. 

I-

‘Go away.’

______

____

__

Senku woke up, from what he could tell counting, was only 30 minutes. Still, sleep is sleep, and he needs whatever he can get. What a horrendous sleep that was anyways, he really can’t escape any kind of hallucinations, or voices, can he?

‘If only there was something like Seroquel,’ 

It was just a thought, a desire, an unnecessary need though- especially in the stone world. He had spent months working on a cure for pneumonia. Who knows how long it’ll be to create a medication for schizophrenia . The thought is more discouraging than exhilarating, it was humorous; Because-

There's no cure for the mental disorder anyways idiot.

Shut up!

I knew that.

There was still work, and there always is. The Perseus is being built, and Senku needs to be on schedule and maintain a steady pace. To do that, he can’t be lying around.

Senku got up to fix himself; because destroying yourself from the inside is acceptable, but a nuisance if you show it on the outside. He didn’t bother to rewrap his bandages before he left though, they were a little looser than usual, but he usually wraps them the tightest he could anyways. Starting off with making his last blueprint more defined would be a good start to the day. Should he even be calling it the start? The sun hasn't even risen up. Nevertheless, Senku made sure that his eyes were- not red, and he made his way out of the hut he was sharing with Chrome. Well, he was sleeping in the observatory.

So many contradictions today, just get to work.

Yeah- just get the day over with. 

_________

Gen was very proud of himself today, he woke up at a good 5 am! He doesn’t want to be considered such a sleepyhead now, does he? Gen has to play his part in the Kingdom of Science, and presenting people with a charismatic awakening to a groggy morning isn’t such a bad idea. Ah, well he did want Cola, now that's a great idea. He went to pick some new flower petals, for his great entrance, and-

“Senku?” Gen looked up towards the lab, in confusion, “I never knew you got up so early, and- did you even sleep? You look truly ired-tay,” He continued, knelt down in a joking tone.

“You're sure the one to talk, mentalist- Well, do you count a 10 minute nap?” Senku didn’t look up from his paper, and did not lift up his pen once while responding from the inside of the laboratory.

Gen didn’t know if Senku was joking or not. Sure, he can easily identify his sarcasm during some instances, but it was said… with no emotion- No emotion?- Well- it is some case a mentalist can crack with time.

Gen pondered, while picking up the remnants of the flower petal. His scientist counterpart seems very in check with his emotions, and very sensible to not let them get in the way. Despite this, many things happened to the both of them alone to make Senku just show any amount of emotional vulnerability. And he just wonders what had happened before with him and Tsukusa. Even Gen has had his ‘down-in-the-dumps-’ days. 

But.. 

Anyways! Gen brushed that feeling off, and went into the lab, partially to beg for cola, 

and partially out of worry.

_____ 

It was 8 in the morning now, and everyone started to rise up. Gen greeted them with a happy go lucky and staged surprise, as planned. He had forced Senku to stay right behind him, since they would be even more delighted to see their chief leader. Alas, he still had a blueprint in his hand.

Kohaku made an entrance, running up to the two, “Francois cooked you two! I bet it’s an amazing meal, so you guys better come!” 

“Ya-!!” Chrome exclaimed from far away.

“Oh you guys are sure full of it,” Senku said, looking deadpanned as Kohaku retreated back to the savory scent. Senku reeled himself back a little, and began to feel slightly more irritated. It was real disgusting though; digesting food, feeling it go down your throat, all the ingredients and additives, then smiling, ‘This is delicious!’ Seeing them smile, stuffing their mouths, asking for seconds. He was guilty just seeing other people enjoy their food-

You only feel guilty because you can’t do the same. You can only wish.

“Francois wakes up really arly-eay! Impressive if I do say myself.” Gen said, while smiling at Senku, “Well we better get going, or else someone’s going to get mad if we leave it cold.”

Gen grabbed Senku’s forearm, as a means to bring the teen with him. It was harmless, and fun.

Senku's eyes had widened for a second, as sharp pain set in; and he thought he calculated that the bleeding would stop, that the cuts would scab. He quickly shoved, and in a way, hit Gen's hand away quickly. Senku did not feel panic set in yet, only internal debate as to why the bandages that seemed tight enough yesterday did not protect his now bleeding arm. The bandages itself were beginning to spread crimson blotches from the inside out. So, he had rushed to tuck both of his arms into one another, making sure that it was not visible. 

The scientist reacted mainly because pain, then irritation, “I didn’t want to go in the first place, mentalist. I have things to do before then.” An excuse, but not a lie. “Just go with them,” Then, he walked back to his and Chrome’s place, in an ultimate attempt to avoid any further confrontation.

Gen stood there alone for a few moments, he was taken aback, confused, then concerned. He saw bits of what can only be blood on his arms. What? Why? How?  He can understand then, what could have caused such an aggressive reaction from the younger scientist, but why was their blood in the first place? 

Wait, no. What the hell was that? Did his arm really start bleeding just from me touching his arm- or..?

Or was there something else. Gen’s own arms remained tucked away in his haori as his eyes widened seriously a little. Would he, the ever-so-logical scientific minded, do something like that in the first place? Slit-

“Gen are you coming!?”, Kohaku's impatient voice yelled out, with Chrome’s following after, “Yeah, you guy’s food is getting cold!!!” Gen shook that thought out of his mind, sighed, and pulled a smile to his lips, “Yes, yes, i'm coming dear Kohaku.”

Kohaku looked from afar, to see Gen coming to eat alone, 

“Oh, was Senku busy again?”

_____________

Shit, it opened up again.

Senku sat on the floor, and in the dark corner of his observatory, and unwrapped his bandages to clean up the opened cuts. He reluctantly had to lay eyes on the many of them, on his body, both arms and legs. “How can I be so fucking ignorant...” He groaned in irritation, throwing the bandage over to the corner of the room, Where he saw himself. 

This isn't like me. 

His voices, his hallucinations, himself, came closer and louder. 

This’ll make you a fraud then, 

“Shut up.” Senku said, with a tired tone.

This is why you were put in there idiot.

“What..?” He paused,

His own hallucination mocked him, laughing, before turning serious and fed up. 

Yeah, the fucking mental hospital . Where else? 

“Shut up!” Senku exclaimed, with his eyes wide with irritation and anger.

“I said shut up!”

Senku found the closest glass flask to him, which was only a foot away. He quickly grabbed it and threw the glass towards the- thing. 

Your illusion.

Your hallucination.

For a moment, Senku was not aware of what he just threw, and he was not aware of why his mind would resort to anger, and do such a thing. It was too late, and the object that was midair was now broken on the ground. The flask shattered instantaneously, spreading tiny, sharp edged shards all over the floor of his observatory. The sound was piercing but it did not travel far. In a hurry, Senku bent down, and with the cloth of his blanket, picked up the glinting pieces of glass on the floor. 

That was stupid; he was stupid, for letting things escalate so drastically, so quickly. In a way, his hallucinations.. no.. he provoked himself. Senku was sure nobody heard; they were all good and far away wherever the food was. So the probability of someone coming close and seeing what happened was slim.

That was just lucky.  

Senku was still on the ground, picking up pieces and trying to avoid getting any splinters. He had to think,

You can't prevent such a thing.  

‘Well, it is important to stop such a hassle-a time consuming thing to happen again. Stopping such outburst of…whatever degree of anger that was… shouldn't be so difficult. Some preoccupation would help, and would also make sure that we’re not anywhere behind schedule.’

Senku thought that was a safe and sound plan.

You’ll just turn to a blade.

That too. 

But it's just a bad day.

Just a bad day?

That’s everyday.

____________________________________________________________________

Chapter Text

Everything went as usual. A few days later, everything was normal, and it seemed that it would have remained that way. 

The Perseus was being built,

Ryusui is wanting and desiring as always, 

Suika is still trying to actively help the best she can,

Kaseki is ready and pumped for any project thrown at him, 

The list can go on. 

Gen, on the other hand?

He is busy with speculation. 

He still doesn't have enough answers to quiet his suspicions about what had happened with Senku before. Which, he admits, definitely filled his thought process to some degree. 

Why did he bleed? To a simple touch? That reaction was uncalled for, and was also very quick. Why, though? 

Gen pondered more, as he was walking back to the shore of the construction site, carrying bits of stone fragments in order for Yuzuriha to fix and revive, ‘ Well, he still bled; bleeding is bleeding. and I guess he did not ask to be dragged over to eat. I can… see such a just reaction occurring. .’ Gen sighed. To add, he did see Senku work for many hours beforehand, so go figure. 

So now, to get rid of any excess tension… 

‘Hm- might’ve well give him a heartfelt apology or something,’ the mentalist thought. 

Then, maybe he’ll even try to get something out of the younger scientist. Gen smirked , as it would be interesting to see his own persuasion abilities in action again.

It was still out of worry in the end, Gen knew that too.

________

“Senku-chan!!”

Gen peered into the lab, and saw the scientist there, as he had expected. Doing what he can make out, as calculations for the Perseus. Gen made sure to be smiling, and acting bright, almost as if nothing happened beforehand. But he didn't know if that was really necessary, Senku seemed to be fairly happy diving into his own world of.. whatever he was doing.

A bright, and sudden atmosphere can go a long way nevertheless. 

“Oh Gen?” Senku responded, not even looking up from his current project, “What's up?” 

“Well, I'm glad you asked! I just came here to check on what you were doing, you seem very invested anyways,” Gen joked, as he put on a big smirk. “You're working very hard, as usual, aren't you, Senku-chan."

“Oh, well-” Senku paused, putting down a sheet and facing Gen, “No- stop trying to just trick me Gen; you think I'm an idiot? Just tell me what you want.”

“Yeah- oh well, you caught me!” Gen continued successfully generating a sorrowful face, “In actuality, I wanted to apologize for what happened before.”

“Hm?”

“I mean when I held your wrist too hard.”

“Oh okay,” Senku noted, not seeming to add much to Gen’s bland apology. 

Gen’s brows furrowed a bit, “I do have a question though-"

"What?"

"Well, Why did you start to bleed in the first place? Because I know I didn’t hold you that hard either.”

He looked at Senku to see any reaction of guilt, or admission, but the younger was not even looking at him... more behind him. Gen knew there was absolutely no one there though, because that was the entrance he had just come from. Alone. Despite being a bit offended at the unacknowledgement, he was left confused. 

...

Nonononononono

Senku’s eyes darted to the floor for a split second, unable to generate an emotional response of any kind that he knew Gen was looking for. When he looked up, he saw that from the entrance of the makeshift lab.. Another hallucination . Of him.. younger. Another one? Right now? Really? Right now? Is it getting worse? More frequent? There must be a solution to this. But it's no time for such a thing and-

He had begun to hesitate internally just a little on what he should say or do next, but still made sure to remain composure, since there was a real person right in front of him.

He looked at the illusion, 

Idiot, don't you dare say or do anything else.

Me? Idiot?

Don’t. Don’t don’t don’t don’t. 

You’ll never be able to turn back.

…There was a minute pause; a bit awkward for Gen, who was embarrassed that he couldn't even register Senku’s facial reaction. The minute for Senku though, was nerve wracking. He hoped that thing would go away soon.

You mean yourself?

“It was an open wound, Gen, I won’t lie about such a petty thing,” Senku finally responded, aggravated, “Glass shard from an acidic chemical. Do you want me to go into further depth?" Don't say anything, don't say anything, don't say anything. “ Because I can. Last time I checked, you just wanted to apologize.” The scientist glared as they shared eye contact.

Gen countered, his hands moved to a fist on his side, “No need to get so defensive. Is it so bad to make sure someone is okay too ? And if what you said really is the case then-”

“Then what? Get it checked out? We’re in the fucking stone age for God’s sake. I wrapped it and treated it; that was a hassle alone.” Senku sighed, closing his eyes for a moment and crossing his arms. “It wasn’t a big of a deal to begin with...”

“You're right! It is a hell of a hassle!” While saying this, Gen was only referring to Senku’s stubbornness.

But the other was referring to all his cuts. 

Gen continued, his happy demeanor completely gone, “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t-”

Didn’t…

What?

Gen paused.

‘Why the hell am I overreacting so much? This is abnormal at best. I keep my cool all of the time. All of the time… I used it as a hell of a weapon too. Yeah, to get what I want from people. It comes easily. I can manipulate conversations, outcomes, people… It’s become second nature at this point.’

...

‘Well maybe it doesn't work this time because I'm not manipulating and trying to sway a conversation for a selfish reason. I'm doing it for someone else. That’s why I don’t think I’ll ever truly know if he’s telling the truth. It’s something I can never get the answer out of.’

(Only time will tell.)

Is that a challenge?

The whole thought process felt like an eternity of internal dialogue.

But in this case, it was just another awkward minute. Gen just wasn't very aware of that now.

The so-called mentalist retreated out of the lab. Reciting one, pitiful, farwell, as if his small outburst of anger was only enabled because he was tired the night before.

“Then go get some sleep. You do some fair lazing around already,” Senku replied at the excuse, with an unexpressive look.

Gen faced the entrance, skipping out, “Such a cold comment Senku- Well I must go, nevertheless, the children need meeeeee.”

He had stopped that skip after he was a few feet away, He looked back, wanting one more sure glimpse. As expected, Senku was back to it, working already, like he ignored the short lived conflict. Gen groaned as he brought his hand to his face. That boy is some real pain to deal with in these situations, that whole ordeal might have given Gen a headache.

Gen continued to walk, looking up at the sky, internally thinking, ‘Well, maybe it was from the moment I met him. I looked him in the eyes for the first time..’ 

‘And they looked dead.’

Gen knew that the scientist’s eyes were close and considered to be pitch black but… he knew that it wasn't all about the eye color. The fraud magician had his fair share of stage time after all. So that first time… Gen wondered if the grin that appeared on Senku’s face was as factual as his information was. 

‘The eyes are the windows to the soul.’

‘If that is true, I could believe it if Senku said he didn’t have one.’

...

‘Which is unacceptable. Since he helped us all so much.’ 

‘I should be able to help him if he needed it.’

Gen sighed, if he couldn't return the favor, then could he really be labeled a mentalist?

That title is such a joke anyways. 

—

About 20 minutes had passed since the confrontation. 

Senku was still in the lab, and now looked at the interior design of the Perseus he had hung up on the wall, doing his usual hand gesture to signal that he is focused on calculating something.

Senku refused to look behind him.

Behind him… 

You handled that horribly; I'm so sincere right now. 

You scared him away. That's bound to come back and bite. 

Well good to see we can finally agree on something. 

The figure was leaning on a side of the center table, and cupped its fake face in it’s hands.

You forgot to add the base for one of the pillars into the formula. Oh- and also- the unit measurement is an estimated- 

Senku still looked at the drawing board, with a deadpan expression, “Yeah- I'm not retarded, I know.”

....

Winter is coming soon.

I suppose.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter Text

yayyyy this is how it looks likessjjwjjw

Chapter Text

Snow began to fall a couple of weeks later; a white layer covering all the land around. The frosty, cold winter came quicker than expected. The sound of animals in the distance were instead replaced with the crunching of snow below. 

Even though the time must’ve been hindered a little, progress on the Perseus was, thankfully, still going smoothly. People seemed to have generally developed a routine to go by. Knowing their tasks and goals spent less time. 

One initial quiet morning in the vast period of winter, Ukyo and Senku were casually taking outside. Looking at their appearances, it seems that this was the first break they each had in a long time. It wasn’t mentioned further though.

Senku peeked at Ukyo and grinned, “I’d say, with our pace, we’ll be done with the ship in early spring.” His eyes were as dark as ink, but still had its usual confidence. Confidence?

“Well that's reassuring,” Ukyo responded with a warm smile in return, “Is that a new hairstyle? It looks good on you,” He crossed his arms in response to the cold wind coming through. 

Senku’s hair was half-up half-down, tied with a rope similar to the ones the villagers use. The usual strands fell down on his face while the occasional groups of cowlicks stood up involuntarily, defining any sorts of gravitational law.

“Oh no,” He responded with a dismissive wave, “My hair just grew too long- so-”

“THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I DESIRED!!!!!!!!!!”

“HAHA!!”

Ryusui screamed all the way down the hill he was snowboarding on, holding onto his sailors cap and successfully covering everyone that was in his range in a layer of snow; unfortunately including Ukyo and Senku. 

Ukyo chuckled at the chaotic sight while Senku looked fed up with the whole situation. Ryusui’s loud laughs could still be heard all the way down.

Senku made a painful smile, “You know when I just said the phrase ‘our pace’? Yeah, no, that's out the window.”... “I take it back.”

The other responded in an attempt at mediation, “You know what he's like; so… energetic?” He scratched the back of his head, "At least we’re having fun?” 

“Well I'm pretty sure you heard him from a mile away,” Senku waved his hands off as his voice grew smaller, walking towards the pile of snow that Ryusui fell into. “He can use his energy on useful stuff anyways.” 

—

Senku looked angrily down at the person below “Ryusui. The ship??? We’re on a time crunch; you know that. And you also agreed for this spring.” He reached his hands towards the captain.

Ryusui responded quickly; hopping back on his feet in the blink of an eye, “Oh come on! I just desired a little bit of fun!”

"This is the 20th time, you’ll have fun steering the ship.” 

“YEAH!!” Ryusui laughed in a way that pierces ears, snapping his fingers with glee “Haha!! First time in millenniums!” Ryusui nudged Senku, to the others' discontent. “You think I still have it, Senku? My ultimate, undefeatable, skills?”

Senku didn't bother responding.

“Well I suppose the ship’s not done, huh?” Ryusui had a contemplating look on his face.

“Exactly.”

Another snap, “Well I desire-”

The scientist's eyebrows furrowed in irritation; he pointed towards the ship, noticeable in the distance. “If you desire it so bad, then get on with it!” 

Ryusi went off leisurely, arms behind his head and with Francois following behind; the crackling of snow replacing the loud voice. Ukyo had seemed to have gone too; Senku supposedly thought to help find food- that's what he usually does now. It was necessary in terms of survival- they didn't have anyone like Tsukasa anymore. 

'People’...‘Make me wanna kill myself even more’

Senku walked towards the lab, but didn't go inside. Once the others were out of distance and just silhouettes, he took a long sigh. The cold air fogged his vision a little. The scientist put his hoodie up in any attempt of getting warm even though his arms were only protected by a layer of bandages. It was a little too cold for anyone's liking this winter. It’s the stone age now so you have to suck it up and deal with it.

‘Although, time waits for nobody so the weather should pass easily.’

I hope you pass.   

'Harsh much? Although in this case any medical issues such as hypothermia would be pretty low in terms of chance; the perce-’

Shut the fuck up.

… 

Did you forget?

Senku looked towards the direction of the Ishigami’s village graveyard. 

“Nah, I know,” He said to himself as he finally entered the lab;

“I’ll stop by tonight.”

________

December 7th, 12:45 PM (and 57 seconds)

58 ..

‘59’… 

…

“Happy birthday Byakuya.” 

Senku looked at his father’s grave in the cold night. It was replaced with a cleaner stone after finding the record the astronauts left all those years ago. He knelt down in an undecipherable expression. The walk there was cold and unnerving, as the scientists hoped nobody would follow him. 

Especially Gen. 

He looked to the sky and stars. Something both father and son bonded over, some interest they both shared in common.

Not anymore. 

‘Well old man, I remembered your birthday.’... "Haha… but It’s not that impressive; I remember everything, hm? At least that's what you used to say.’ 

Senku spoke with a sense of sarcasm, “Oh yeah- you can't really talk back cause your body’s fully decomposed by now. Preservation didn't do much. Sucks for you.” 

A pause. 

“But the least I can do is pay my respects, I mean you would be guilty and worried.” you- “It’s okay, I mean, I forgave you for what happened a long time ago, trust me,”    …    “Alas, I don't believe in any spiritual crap. And it’s not like I'm as emotional as you are.” 

That's right. You can't feel anything.

… 

Senku untied the rope that held his hair together. Some strands falling to the front to his irritation.

He examined it for a good minute, eyebrows creasing.

It was really the message of the gift that bugged him out.

____

--FB

-

Ruri walked with Senku to the Ishigami Village’s grave; he couldn’t lie that amongst the many reasons, a hint of curiosity led him there. Along with the chance that Byakuya was there- The trip though, was quiet. The weather wasn't too hot or cold and the only noise was the animals in the near distance. 

The two of them made it there fairly quickly. Senku laid his eyes upon the mountains of gravestones, each representing a person from the past. People that survived for all this time after humanity ended. Under the many stars, it appeared almost ethereal. The grim truth is that their deaths could have been avoided if Senku had woken up before. He wondered how preserved the bodies were. Although both of their expression remained indifferent, it is still a graveyard of some kind; nothing to fond over.

Before thinking further, Ruri cut in, “These are where all of our village chiefs and villagers rest…”

Senku crossed his arms and continued to look into the distance, “Yeah I see,”

“That… Including your father, our founder,” Ruri fidgeted with her fingers- as if she was nervous to bring that up.

He didn't respond.

She then reached towards her neck, and untied one of her ropes. It was graceful, and purposeful in a way that seemed practiced. Ruri placed it in her hand, extending it towards Senku. She was preparing to bow then,

“You don’t need to do that much, Ruri,” Senku cut in. 

“O-h okay,” She quickly said, before gaining composure, “This is my gift to you as the priestess. You’ve done so much to help our village, and I think we all believe that our cooperation isn’t enough to thank you. This type of rope connects all the Ishigami villagers, it, in a way… gives them their own identity! So, It's only right for you to have one of your own. I hope you appreciate it in such a way that we appreciate you.” She held out her hand again.

Senku tried to pull some type of smile, and took the gift. “Thanks, really.”

Ruri laced her hands together once again, and gave a warm beam, which also seemed fairly practiced in Senku’s eyes. “Well, I’ll leave you to it then.”  She started to walk back in the direction they came in.

Senku walked towards the top of the hill, and was met with an old, cracked and ancient looking rock. 

‘It must’ve been Byakuya’s.

Before anything though, he though about what happened before.

Although Ruri was probably going to give her supposed ‘honorary rope’ at one point or another, she chose to give it at this, somewhat grim moment. Now, Senku isn’t a psychologist or psychoanalysis, but it might be because he is seeing proof that his father died those thousands of years ago . Seeing his grave . Obviously that creates a kind of grief and sadness.

‘But I can’t really sympathize,' He sighed

You’re right you’re about to see.

'Whatever, how would she know.'

Senku looked at his father’s grave for about five minutes; thinking, reminiscing, anything. All those moments when they went to their favorite ramen place, or all those times where the old man would sneak Senku into his university. Any memories they had together, resurfacing. 

To his horror,

Nothing changed. 

His expression darkened a bit. ‘The old man died before me… probably died for me.’ He clutched his hand that held the gift he had received. ‘Yet I still can’t shed a single tear?’

He though he grew out of such a habit long ago, he though that he would be better.

Haha oh god, I knew it! You really doubted yourself, really though you were able to cry again.

It's disgusting.

The scientist’s eyebrows furrowed, in disappointment of himself, ‘Shut up, I guess... I just was never good at those things anyways.’ 

His crazed hallucination, that he had yet no control over, met his eyes, as black as his.

Yeah, everyone knows; I mean, it is on display for everyone.

Every-----

        —--

        —

Now, standing at his grave once again, Senku clutched the rope tighter. It was a disturbing moment that was really supposed to put his mind at ease; at least that's what he had heard, but it really did the opposite. It just proved that he would never be able to express emotions, feelings, expressions, of that caliber. It proved that he truly though of himself too highly.

Never. Not even for your beloved father.

‘Pointless- Insignificant, such a time waster.’ Senku thought as he tied his hair into the same style as before.

The boy got back up, brushing up any dirt, “I do really love you and all that still… I just wanna wish you a happy birthday... alright?”

…Only the sounds of trees swaying with the wind in the distance could be heard.

…

“Hah.. no response. I get it. Cya,” He waved his hand as he moved further. 

Senku left the isolated area, with an unbothered expression; just the same way he entered.

But there was a slight crease in his eyebrows.

Preparing for tomorrow would take his mind off of all this.

Hopefully .