Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The sound of the kettle became present in the apartment; Nam-gyu was surprised that the water boiled faster than on other days, or perhaps having someone else there to distract him helped, or maybe it was just the effect of Su-bong in his life. 

No matter how much he wanted to deny it, since that night he had appeared on the bridge, he had become someone important to him, making him realize how lonely he was and that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't that hard to love. 

His sister loved him, Nam-gyu was sure of that, but it was a different kind of love. 

Not like in fairy tales or movies. 

Su-bong was not a prince charming; he had many secrets and was fucking broken, but so was Nam-gyu, perhaps that was what he liked most about Su-bong, he didn't pretend to be someone else in front of him, and he also didn’t want him to change. 

It would be perfect if they could have moments like this, without needing to meet exclusively at some damn club, without the uncertainty of when they would hear from each other again. 

Nam-gyu hated routine in relationships, but damn, taking a shower with Su-bong felt so good that he wouldn't mind doing it every day of his damn life. 

Maybe Nam-gyu's father was right and he was crazy, because he didn't understand why he felt this way about Su-bong; sometimes he hated him and wished he could kill him, only to beg moments later for him to come back and throw himself into his arms, hoping he wouldn't leave again. 

He wished he could talk to Hyun-ju and know what she thought, or that she could meet Su-bong and agree with him that Thanos was a stupid nickname, that she could come eat with them and give her opinion on their relationship, or whatever it was the thing that Su-bong and they had, but none of that was possible. 

"What are you thinking about?" Su-bong asked him as he moved too comfortably in his kitchen; he looked really attractive with Nam-gyu's clothes, disheveled with damp hair, making coffee for the two of them as if it were a healthy lunch. 

"That you're an asshole," Nam-gyu replied only to make him angry, Su-bong replied by raising his middle finger. "You're proving me right." 

"You're lucky to be pretty," he warned jokingly, approaching the room with two cups that he left on the table, to approach Nam-gyu and give him a small kiss, "or I would have already choked you an hour ago." 

"You're still in time," Nam-gyu encouraged him with a sarcastic smile and prepared to take his cup, he gasped in surprise as soon as he felt Su-bong wrap his neck tightly, he exerted pressure, although not enough to drown it, he simply held it in place and released it after a few seconds, and as if nothing had happened, he gave one of the cups to Nam-gyu. 

"I wish you could see your face right now," Su-bong whispered with something akin to excitement, "we were definitely meant to meet." 

"I didn't take you for a romantic," Nam-gyu replied, shyly gathering his hair and taking a sip of his coffee, returning it to the cup almost immediately while squinting his eyes, "what the fuck?" He punched Su-bong on the shoulder and pointed at his cup. 

"What's wrong, Namsu? Is it too bitter? You didn't have much sugar, so I tried to sweeten it enough," Su-bong said. It made sense, Nam-gyu hadn't explained how he likes his coffee because they hadn't had that conversation before. 

"You should have taken all the sugar," Nam-gyu replied, "I usually drink my coffee black." 

"No sugar?" Su-bong asked worriedly, as if it were some serious issue, like his bruises or the mess he had gotten into to end up with such a huge beating, "Not even a little?" 

"Just coffee." 

"Makes sense, that's why you're so bitter," Su-bong took a big gulp of his coffee and then took his hand, "Are your days usually like this?" Nam-gyu raised an eyebrow, "I mean, you wake up, shower, have coffee, then what? What do you do until you go to work?" 

"It depends on the day" 

"What will you do today?" Nam-gyu smiled. 

"If you want me to stay all day taking care of you, you just have to ask, you know?" he said, stroking Su-bong's hair, he saw him smile, although a little tense, and his gaze shifted to his phone, Nam-gyu followed his gaze until he saw some messages, and quickly took Su-bong's phone, "You're an idiot!" he exclaimed angrily, "they're looking for you and your damn phone is on, they must already have our location." 

"If they had our location, we would already be dead," he explained boredly, taking the phone away from Nam-gyu. 

"Who are you communicating with then? I don’t know what’s going on, but it must be very reliable, because it could betray you and…" Su-bong placed both cups on the table and knelt in front of Nam-gyu to take his hands, they were trembling again. "I need my pills," he said in barely a whisper, and Su-bong hurried to the bathroom for the medicine jar. 

Nam-gyu quickly swallowed two while moving his fingers. Su-bong returned to his initial position and held Nam-gyu's hands; they were at the same height, and then his hands caressed Nam-gyu's arms, reaching up to his face, forcing him to bring their foreheads together. Su-bong's breathing was regular and calm, unlike Nam-gyu's. 

"Look at me, please," Su-bong whispered, and Nam-gyu obeyed. "Dae-ho is my trusted man; we've been friends for many years, and he will help us get out of this trouble. He was just reporting to me and asking for something to eat."

 "Food?" 

"Just some Tteokbokki; I'm starving, and I'm sure you are too, even if you don't want to admit it." 

"Are you risking our lives for some fucking Tteokbokki?" Nam-gyu asked irritably, still facing Su-bong. Then the pieces of the puzzle seemed to fit, "that’s why you wanted to know what I would do during the day, you didn't plan on telling me any of this, right?" Su-bong's silence was enough of an answer for him. 

Nam-gyu walked away and stood up. He peeked out the kitchen window, from his room, the bathroom, and finally the main one. Everything seemed calm and like any other day, except… a black car that had been parked since the night before, or even earlier. Maybe Su-bong was somewhat right and Nam-gyu was acting like a paranoid, but his intuition never failed. 

"What are you doing?" Su-bong asked, and that was the last straw. Nam-gyu pushed him. "Nam-gyu, what the fuck is wrong with you?" 

"What the fuck is wrong with me ? You’re insane, that’s what’s wrong, and you keep lying," he answered angrily. "The black car belongs to that friend of yours, right? And don’t you dare lie to me again or I swear I don’t care if they come to kill us." 

"Dae-ho is walking around to check that no one comes to look for us," Su-bong replied seriously, "and that's exactly why I didn't want to tell you what was happening, so you wouldn't get like this."

"So now it's my fault," Nam-gyu laughed ironically, "you know what? Since Dae-ho is here, maybe you should go with him." 

"You can't be serious," Su-bong replied immediately, and Nam-gyu shrugged, "Nam-gyu, tell me it's not true, why are you still silent?" Su-bong tried to get closer to him, but Nam-gyu took a step back. "Please, Namsu, babe..." 

"You wanted to know what I do during the day before work, right?" Nam-gyu said as he went towards his room, "it turns out that today is my night off, but stupidly I would still go to work just to be with you," Nam-gyu's voice broke a bit, "so maybe I should get ready to make it on time." 

"No, Nam-gyu, please listen to me," Su-bong stepped in his way and was again too close to him, "If you want me to leave, I will, but don't go to the club today, it might be more dangerous, I won't be able to protect you there"

 "Is all of this really for me or do you just want to keep yourself safe?" Nam-gyu asked, moving a little closer. 

"It's for us , even if you don't believe me," Su-bong replied. 

"Yeah, right" 

"You know? I'm starting to get tired of this attitude," Su-bong murmured while tucking Nam-gyu's hair behind his ear. "You're on the defensive and acting like a poor victim as if you have no secrets" 

"My secrets don't endanger your existence; yours do risk my life," Nam-gyu replied in the same tone. 

"You take anxiety medications like they're mints, you don't eat or sleep properly, you're used to violence, you get a lot of notifications, but you never check your phone when I'm around, you're hiding something from me too," Su-bong said without stopping to look at him. 

"And what's the problem with that? We literally get high together at the club every night, wait, are you jealous?" Nam-gyu teased. "Is this your way of telling me that you're afraid I have someone else?" 

"You don't have anyone else but me," Su-bong challenged Nam-gyu with a look, who started to laugh, "you said you were only mine." 

"And you said we weren't exclusive," it was worth seeing Su-bong's completely shattered face for a few minutes. 

"That's not true. You're not serious," Su-bong seemed desperate for an answer, "Tell me it's not true," he exclaimed a bit louder, shaking Nam-gyu. "I see, you want to play like that? Then we'll play like that," Su-bong gave him a sly smile and took his hand, caressing each of his fingers, and touched his rings. He began to brush his lips against them. "Your rings are for women," Su-bong said, "I didn't mind at first, I even thought it was sexy because you have nice hands, until I realized they are not just girl rings, they are your sister's, I guess, right?" 

"You don't know what you're talking about," Nam-gyu muttered. 

"It's curious that you have so many of her things, but you never talk about her, or visit her, or call her," Su-bong continued. "You don't even say her name." 

"Don't you dare talk about her," Nam-gyu warned with teary eyes, clenching his fists tightly, trying to stay calm. 

"Did she reject you like the rest of your family because you like boys?" Su-bong asked in a childish voice. Nam-gyu shed a tear that he quickly wiped away and moved toward his nightstand, took out one of the photographs he had with Hyun-ju and pressed it against Su-bong's chest. 

"I guess your doubts are because you were rummaging through my things," Nam-gyu replied, shrugging, "and you must have seen that I had a brother instead of a sister; I'm saying this because of the photo from when we were kids, it's hard to explain, but Hyun-ju is... was my sister," Nam-gyu continued, shedding a couple of tears, "and you were mistaken, because she was the only one who ever judged me, or rejected me, I would have even liked for you to have met her, but it's not possible because she committed suicide last year, and this is the first time I'm saying it out loud, so…”

Nam-gyu hadn’t realized he was shaking and had begun to cry until he felt Su-bong wrapping his body and stroking his back, as if trying to console him. In reality, he hadn't expected to confess to Su-bong about his sister, not because he was ashamed, but because it still hurt, and he wasn't able to talk about it with anyone, and Nam-gyu anticipated any scenario, except in the middle of a fight. 

"Nam-gyu, sweetheart, I didn’t know..." 

"Exactly, you didn’t know," he replied simply, exhausted from the whole situation. 

"Baby, I'm really sorry... What can I do to make you feel better?" 

"I need another pill." 

"Nam-gyu, you've already taken too many pills today," Su-bong said in barely a whisper, tenderly stroking his hair, "don’t you want something to eat?" 

"My pills," Nam-gyu repeated. 

"Do you need space? I... I can tell Dae-ho to come for me, I understand that you want to send me to hell after this…,” Nam-gyu looked up and Su-bong felt a tightness in his chest seeing him so vulnerable. 

“No, don’t go, please don’t leave me now,” Nam-gyu murmured, clinging to his body, “stay with me, just… don’t do it again.” 

“I won’t do it again, I want to stay with you forever,” Su-bong said in the same tone of voice. 

“Promise it,” Nam-gyu asked him. 

“I promise, baby,” Su-bong kissed his forehead. “I want to be good for you, I’ll tell Dae-ho to hurry up, he can’t take so long for some fucking Tteokbokki, and we can eat, lie in bed and watch a movie like any couple’s plan.” 

Nam-gyu felt something tighten in his chest. Was Su-bong really calling them a couple? Did he mean it or was it out of pity? Before he could respond, loud and violent knocks echoed on the door. The sound was so strong that the frame shook. 

“Shit, what the fuck is wrong with Dae-ho for knocking like that?” Su-bong complained, but before he could move, Nam-gyu grabbed him by the arm and motioned for him to be quiet. He knew perfectly well who was knocking like that. 

“It’s not Dae-ho,” Nam-gyu whispered. 

“How do you know? Who is it?” asked Su-bong. 

“Be quiet or they’ll realize we’re here,” Nam-gyu replied. 

“Is this something that happens regularly?” 

“Su-bong, we can talk about that later.” 

“Open the damn door, you slut, I know you’re there Nam-gyu, at that shit club where you work they told me it’s your fucking day off,” someone shouted at the door while continuing to knock. 

Shit, if he didn’t do something the neighbors were going to complain or call the police, and that wouldn’t be good for them. 

“Stay here and don’t go out,” Nam-gyu instructed. 

“Who is it?” 

“Just... do it.” 

“Nam-gyu, that guy doesn’t seem friendly, what are you going to do?” 

“Trust me,” he murmured before giving a short kiss. 

Nam-gyu shut the door to his room and approached the living room to open the door. The man on the other end was tall, with a crooked expression and a rancid smell of alcohol and sweat. His bloodshot eyes locked on him with a mixture of anger and desire. 

"You finally show up," the man growled, "what a show I've had to put on to get your attention." 

"You almost got the police called," Nam-gyu replied, "and I don't think either of us can do that." 

"You're a cynical whore," the man muttered, "don't act like you're very dignified Nam-gyu, you owe me a lot of money and don't answer any of the messages."  

“And I already told you that I will pay you, but not today," Nam-gyu said, "please, I need you to leave" 

"Why so much hurry? Did you bring a dupe home?", he asked pointing to his room, "Excuse me, I didn't mean to interrupt your fuck of the night, maybe he does have money to pay me and I'll leave you alone, he should come out and show his face if he cares even a little" 

"There's no one here, I just want you to leave, so  get out," Nam-gyu replied.

"No, I won't leave," the man contradicted, "you're going to pay me now... with money... or with whatever you have at hand" 

No, another fucking time, no. 

"I already told you I don't want to..." 

"It's not about what you want or not, debts are paid, and it wouldn't be the first time, you have a nice and useful mouth, although this time I don't think it's enough," the man warned giving him a look that made him nauseous.

The guy pushed him inside, slamming the door shut that rang out like a gunshot. 

The pressure of his hands on his shoulders was brutal, familiar, too much. Nam-gyu tried to break free, but the man grabbed him by the neck, squeezing. The man's fingernails dug into his skin. The air suddenly became scarce. Nam-gyu felt like he was twenty years old again, trapped in the same hands, with the same voice whispering threats to him. 

"Let go of me, please, I'll get the money, I swear," Nam-gyu pleaded, although it was in vain, the man pinned him down despite Nam-gyu's resistance,  throwing him on the couch as if he were a dirty rag, and the guy climbed on top of him, brushing his disgusting boner against Nam-gyu's ass, cried silently, unable to defend himself, and ashamed that Su-bong would show disgust after what was about to happen. 

He closed his eyes accepting his fate. 

And then, in a single instant, everything changed. 

"Take your dirty fucking hands off my boy, you motherfucker," Su-bong growled out of the room with an expression that frightened Nam-gyu. 

" Your boy? Man, I'm sorry to inform you that you messed with a whore willing to do anything for drugs and easy money," the man mocked. 

"You want money, don't you? I have, and a lot, I give you double what Nam-gyu owes you, but I need you to let go," Su-bong proposed. 

"Don't try to scam me," the man warned. 

"I already told you that I am lined, I will go for my wallet" 

"First the money, then I release it," was the man's final response. 

That's when Nam-gyu saw it:  that cold twinkle in Su-bong's eyes. 

A second later, the movement was so fast that Nam-gyu barely registered it. A struggle, a gasp, the man let go of Nam-gyu and staggered, his eyes wide open before collapsing on the carpet. 

Nam-gyu froze. His face had a few blood stains on it, and the metallic smell of the blood mingled with that of his own fear. 

The silence that followed was more deafening than the knocking on the door. Nam-gyu shrank, looking at the body. 

Blood spread slowly on the carpet. 

"You killed him," Nam-gyu whispered, still unable to take in what had just happened. Su-bong took a step toward him, and his voice softened, as if he wanted to envelop him. 

"I did what was necessary to keep you safe," Su-bong explained in a soft, almost intimate tone. He tried to wipe Nam-gyu's face, but with his hands he managed to make it dirtier, the knife was still in his hand. "He won't hurt you anymore. You won't have to see him again, nor will he ever bother you or try to hurt you again." 

"I'm sorry," Nam-gyu muttered embarrassedly. 

"No, honey, you have nothing to apologize for," Su-bong seemed to be so calm, as if it was an ordinary scenario, "He... Was the customer who tried to attack you?" he asked, and Nam-gyu nodded. "Then I should have made him suffer more." 

"There's a lot of blood," Nam-gyu muttered looking at the ground, "fuck, how are we going to hide his body?” 

"Nam-gyu," Su-bong called him, putting their foreheads together, "we'll fix it. Dae-ho and the team will fix it. Do not worry. Getting rid of him was a good thing, now you'll be at peace, this... what I did," he said, pointing to the limp body, "was for us ." 

Nam-gyu didn't know whether to feel horror or relief. 

His mind clung to that last phrase: for us . 

Maybe... perhaps it had really been an act of love. 

"We can't stay here," Su-bong continued, taking Nam-gyu's hand. "We need to change our clothes and pack some things. It's no longer safe here," Nam-gyu obeyed without thinking, and as they left the apartment, something inside him understood that there would be no turning back.