Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“You look like shit,” Grace greeted as Rook strolled into 8-Bit Pizza Bar with a fat lip and bloody slice right above her left eyebrow.

Rook let out a sigh and nodded, her entire body singing with pain as she tried not to limp and show just how hurt she was. It didn’t help that her head throbbed from getting pulled out of the Bliss after fighting her way through Faith’s bunker - which was destroyed, finally. 

No one made a move to help her as she finally dropped down onto a bar stool, but she didn’t blame them. They all looked like shit, too - though, varying degrees of shit, of course. Nick looked exhausted. Rook supposed that having a baby in the middle of a war would do that to anyone. 

Addie looked fine, for the most part, except for the fact it was clear she wasn’t sleeping very well due to the dark circles under her eyes. Jess wore an angry expression as she sipped on a beer. Sharky and Hurk Jr. looked absolutely wiped out, and Grace herself even looked like a bit of a tired mess. 

Rook groaned quietly as she pulled a medkit from her bag and started to bandage up her bleeding forearm. Luckily for her, Blissed out Peggies didn’t have the best aim, so she hadn’t taken as much damage as she had in John’s bunker. That didn’t mean she wasn’t entirely exhausted, though - physically, mentally and emotionally. 

Once she was all cleaned up (or, as clean as she was going to get, really), Rook stood and grabbed a beer from behind the bar, popped it open and took a deep sip. The bitter alcohol tasted like heaven on her tongue.

She hoped it would cloud up her brain enough to just get through a conversation with the people she may or may not have betrayed. 

Twice. 

She wasn’t going to give that little part away though, just for the safety of the two people she currently had in a bunker up in the mountains. 

“What’s on your mind, Po-po?” Sharky asked. “You look like you’re doin’ all kindsa brooding over there.”

“I’m just tired,” Rook replied before she took another deep sip. “Exhausted, actually. Can’t remember the last time I slept through the night.”

“Neither can I,” Nick grumbled under his breath. “Obviously for different reasons, but still.”

“I need a fucking vacation,” she joked.

The others didn’t really laugh, and she closed her eyes to stop them from rolling at their behavior. Always so serious, always so worried about her either switching sides or giving up the fight entirely in the favor of peace. Which, at that moment, sounded great. Especially because she was about to head into the Whitetail Mountains and take on the Seed sibling that she dreaded even meeting face to face, for a multitude of reasons. 

One of those reasons was that he was a monster, if the rumors were true. 

Another reason was that he was ex-military, so he wouldn’t just roll over and take it from her, either. Not that either of his siblings had done that, but still…he trained the entirety of security for Eden’s Gate, and he was fucking massive. 

One of the many other reasons was that since Rook had seen him in the church on the night she arrested Joseph, she’d found him quite fucking attractive to the point that it was bordering on problematic. 

Thankfully, she’d only spoken that particular statement aloud once, to Addie Drubman, who swore she would take that secret to the grave. Addie had agreed with her and even gone on to list off a lot of explicit, sexual acts that Jacob Seed was probably into, and how she wanted Rook to test out her theories. 

Rook had nearly spat out her beer but Addie just laughed and moved on as if nothing had happened.

What really didn’t help all that was the fact that Jacob thought she had murdered two of his siblings. So, that was going to make things even worse. He clearly wasn’t a kind man, and he probably had an anger problem - or, at the very least, an anger problem when people went and murdered a large chunk of his family. 

It wasn’t like she could just radio him and casually say, oh, by the way, Mountain Man, I have your baby brother and your adopted sister stashed away up here because I didn’t have the strength to kill them. Please don’t kill me because, like I said, your siblings are fine, if not a little bit annoying to have as roommates. 

Rook couldn’t let anyone know about that until all this was done. Though, she wasn’t quite sure what would happen then. Would she “kill” Jacob, throw him in the bunker with the others, and then face Joseph? 

Would fighting him lead to the end of the world as Joseph liked to say, overdramatically, every single time she did something like off his siblings or blow shit up? 

Probably. 

Her entire purpose was that she was the Lamb Who Opened the Seals. Which meant, if she understood the Bible correctly, that she was the fated idiot who would start the apocalypse.

Joseph didn’t know his siblings were alive. If she fought him and won, maybe the world wouldn’t end. Maybe it would just...stay the same? Minus one crazy cult leader who she was going to throw in prison as soon as she possibly could. 

Rook raised the bottle in her hand to take another sip of her beer to find the bottle empty before she let out a huff as she stood to go get another one. Her friends talked amongst themselves, all muttering about how thankful they were that no Peggies were driving around the Henbane anymore. 

Rook joined them at the table after a moment, determined to lose herself in conversation with them rather than think about the fact that she now had two mouths to feed instead of one. John had specifically requested pizza, too. That meant she would be staying later than her friends to cook dinner and sneak it into her truck without anyone noticing.

“Jacob’s got the Chosen training harder than ever, according to Eli,” Jess said. “You’re gonna have your work cut out for you when you get up there, Rook.”

Ugh. Work talk again.

“I figured, considering the fact that his family is getting ripped apart,” Rook replied. 

“Was that sympathy I detected in your tone?” Jess asked, eyes narrowed as she looked at Rook. 

“No.” 

“Are you sure about that?”

“Look, I just came outta the Bliss, I feel like trash, I haven’t had a proper meal in God knows how long. It’s been a lot and I’m tired, okay?”

“You sure Faith didn’t manage to brainwash you before she died?” Hurk asked with a laugh.

“Yes, I’m sure. Please. Just…” Rook rested her head on her hand as she tried to drone out more talk about work. 

That work was supposed to be traffic stops, breaking up domestic situations, and the occasional drug bust. None of this other stuff was supposed to be part of it, like killing cultists and murdering their leaders. 

Yes, all the Heralds were horrible humans. However, Rook didn’t get into law enforcement to become a murderer on a rampage through an entire county in Montana in an attempt to liberate it. 

From crazy religious cult leaders. 

Who happened to have military grade weaponry. 

After another few beers, the others started to head home for the night and Rook volunteered to close up shop. 

They’d come up with a system to keep the Peggies out and it involved setting some boobie traps and a lot of chains around the doors with a lot of locks that Sharky just had at his place, and no one questioned why, so Rook hadn’t either. Even though someone should’ve probably checked that out.

After everyone was gone, she fired up the oven and made two pizzas from scratch with the dough she had started to keep stocked in the fridge. She had cooked things from scratch all the time before everything went to hell, so she was used to it. Once the pizzas were done, she found two boxes and slid them inside. 

After setting up all the very elaborate traps, she hopped in her car and prepared herself for the forty minute drive that would lead her back to the bunker she and the two other Seed siblings now called home. 

It was odd, living with two people she’d ruthlessly gone after for the last month and a half, but she didn’t care. They needed her and they knew it, too. If they tried to get out on their own, members of the Resistance would be on them like wasps on an unattended soda can in the summer, especially with the reduced amount of Peggies. Thanks to Rook. 

Faith had just woken up so she was still adapting to the entire situation. Plus, she was pissed at Rook for blowing up her entire bunker, which Rook couldn’t blame her for. What choice did Rook have, anyway? “Kill” Faith and not blow up the place where tons of Bliss was kept, as well as hundreds of hostile cultists and their Angels? How would that have looked to the entire Resistance, let alone the Cougars? Not good, that was for sure.

When she arrived, she pulled the large piece of wood that she had covered with mud, leaves and branches away from the door before she opened it up with her key. She climbed down the stairs and was greeted with her two new roommates looking at her with happy-as-all-hell expressions on their faces. For a second, Rook smiled back, but then she realized it was the goddamn pizza they were smiling at, not her. 

“Here you go,” she said as she handed the boxes to them. “And please, for the love of that God you love so much, save some for me this time. I didn’t have time to eat.”

“You look like you’ve gone through hell,” John observed as he and Faith took a seat at the little table while Rook climbed back up to close the door and replace the cover, which was always a struggle. 

“Yeah, no shit,” Rook replied. “Feel like I’ve gone through hell, too.”

“You killed them all, didn’t you?” Faith asked.

Rook climbed back down and locked eyes with the woman to find the anger and resentment deep down within them. Eyes were a mirror to the soul, as they said, and Faith’s soul was full of anger, all towards Rook. Even though Rook had saved her life, after all the insane things Faith had done. 

“Yeah.”

“They were innocent.”

“What matters is you, Faith. Not them,” John said. 

“Why do I matter when I can’t do anything to help the Father?”

Oh, God. This shit again. 

Rook groaned as she ran a hand down her face in frustration. They were always talking about this shit; how Rook spared them but it was a fate worse than death because they were 

1. Stuck in a small, dumpy bunker,

2. Couldn’t help the one person they cared about more than themselves. 

Again, Rook couldn’t even blame them. How could she? Before she’d put them down there, they had felt driven by their “purpose” and that was how they found meaning for their lives. How were they supposed to keep living those lives if all they were doing was hiding from the rest of the world (who all thought they were dead) and eating the food and drinking the water their enemy provided them with? What was their purpose if they couldn’t carry out what the Father had asked of them? 

Rook understood the weird void that came from not having something that drove you every day, that made you want to get up in the morning and work your hardest at something. Hell, she was experiencing it at that very moment, too. 

She didn’t sign up to murder people and wage a war basically on her own. Not that she felt like she had a purpose before all this, either. But now? 

Now, she was tired, always cold for some fucking reason, and resentful as hell whenever anyone came on her radio and needed her to do something for them.

“Where has your mind gone, Deputy?” John asked. 

His voice pulled her from her thoughts and she shrugged as she pulled off her jacket and took out all the magazines from her weapons before resting the guns against the wall. 

“Just tired is all.”

“Since you are all done in the Henbane, my guess is you will head over to Jacob’s territory.” John helped himself to two more slices of pizza as he spoke.

“Yeah.”

“If you even think about hurting Brother Jacob-” Faith growled.

“I don’t, Faith. I don’t. I plan on doing what I’ve done with both of you.”

“And after that?” John asked. 

“I plan to negotiate a peace. Not sure how I’m even going to do that, considering my friends will want to kill me the second they find out I spared the both of you.”

“Are those people really your friends?” Faith asked, venom in her voice. “I mean, look at you. You just put yourself through hell, and have they even said thank you?”

Ugh. Why did Faith always have to ask the hard questions?

“No, they...they all have their own shit going on, too.”

“Yes, but we even say thank you when you bring us food. We said thank you when you spared our lives,” John mused. “And you’re technically our enemy.”

“That’s not exactly true,” Rook pointed out. “I think Faith is still fucking pissed at me.”

Faith rolled her eyes. “I appreciate you sparing my life, but I don’t appreciate being unable to help the Father. What point is there to my life as it stands?”

“Don’t think like that, Faith,” John said, placing his hand over hers. “We’ll be with him again soon.”

Rook devoured her slice before reaching for another one. It wasn’t like she was about to destroy their only hope at seeing Joseph again by telling them that was absolutely not the plan at all.

John fixed his gaze back onto her. “Why not end things now? Lay down your weapon and join us?”

“No,” Rook replied, smirking as John’s face grew frustrated at the sound of his least favorite word in the English language leaving her lips. 

“At least think about it,” Faith said with a smile. Back to Herald mode again. “You’re very strong, you’ve proven yourself. I bet Brother Jacob would be very enthusiastic to train you.”

Rook couldn’t help the annoying blush that crawled up her cheeks. “Why the hell would I want him to train me?”

“Well, Deputy, here’s what I have noticed about you in the weeks that we have shared this bunker,” John said. “Every time my older brother’s name is mentioned, your face looks like that,” he gestured at her with his pizza before he continued, “which must mean you’ve taken some sort of liking to him.”

Rook rolled her eyes. “John, you’re insane.”

“Perhaps I should’ve written ‘Lust’ on you instead of ‘Wrath.’ While I believe that Wrath is your ultimate sin, it would appear that Lust follows closely after.”

“And Pride,” Faith mused.

John smirked. “Ah, yes. And Pride.”

Rook rolled her eyes for the billionth time that evening and stuffed more pizza in her mouth so she wouldn’t have to answer that, while also resisting the urge to punch John square in the nose for even suggesting that she had a crush on his older brother. 

While it may be true that she thought Jacob was annoyingly good looking, it didn’t change the fact that he was doing horrible things. Just like John. Just like Faith. Just like Joseph. 

They were terrible fucking people and no matter how good they all looked (because as much as she hated to admit it, they were all unreasonably and annoyingly attractive) it didn’t cancel out the fact that they did really horrible things. 

The only reason Rook had spared them was the fact that she couldn’t kill them because if she did, they’d never be brought to justice. They would’ve gotten away with everything. Yes, she planned to use them as leverage to get Joseph to surrender, but she would have to keep it from all of them that she did plan to completely ruin the Project at Eden’s Gate. 

It was hard to keep secrets in such close living quarters, which made Rook thankful that she still got to leave and go outside, even if it meant acting as an errand girl for everyone else in the county. Or a hit woman. Depending on the situation, sometimes it was both. 

They finished up their pizza and got into their cots so they could sleep. Rook turned the light off and set her alarm for 5:00am, considering she had a long few days ahead of her, chock full of sitting around, hidden by the trees, and observing Jacob Seed’s territories. 

She didn’t plan to just go in there without scouting the place out first, and learning what she had ahead of her. She didn’t know much, other than the fact that she needed to find the Whitetail Militia in order to have any sort of idea about what Jacob had control of in the region and what he didn’t. 

From what Jess had told her, the only thing the Militia had in their control at the moment was the Baron Lumber Mill, because that's where Rook had rescued her from when the radio call came in. They also hadn’t taken control of Hurk Sr.’s house. But that was all she had.

As Rook listened to the breathing of her bunker companions, she wondered how they could sleep through the night. She was already starting to have nightmares - waking up sweaty, struggling for air, acid reflux burning at her throat while her stomach was clenched in a tight fist of anxiety and stress. She dreamt of killing, of bloodshed, of Angels, of her friends. In most of those dreams, she never seemed to get there on time and woke up terrified that she’d let someone down, causing someone to die. There were times where she’d seen the corpses of her friends on the ground, their heads bloody from bullet wounds or beaten to pulp. 

They were never good dreams. Not anymore. 

~

Chapter Text

Rook was up and at ‘em at 5:30, ready to make the trek to wherever she could pinpoint Jacob. She wasn’t sure how she was going to do that, with Hurk Jr. and Jess as her only points of contact in the region at the moment. 

So, she’d have to pretty much start from scratch until she could get to the Militia, but she’d already been told multiple times that they’re deep in hiding and don’t trust strangers, so she probably would have to earn her place there. So, like Jess had told her the day before, she had her work cut out for her.

Jess had given her some information about a few of the outposts that the Peggies had control of, but for the most part, Rook was wandering blindly. She had a map of the region, had some information on it, but other than that, she didn’t have too much. At least, not until she was able to meet up with the Whitetails. 

She figured she’d start with St. Francis Veteran Center. She’d heard that was where Jacob spent a lot of his time, and that they were training the soldiers there. Rook figured it would be a good place to wipe out the Chosen, or at least, the ones that were stationed there. 

She made her way through the mountains, found a place high up on the ones overlooking the Center, and sat her shit down so she could observe. There were a lot of people there, more than were usually at any outposts she’d liberated, and it was likely that Jacob and Joseph had sent all the Chosen and other soldiers back to the Whitetails to help Jacob protect it. It made sense. 

She noticed a large amount of Judges, too. It was clear they were getting trained. She messed with the binoculars and zoomed in to see who was the one training them, because they didn’t look like any of the other Peggies she’d seen around. 

Sure enough, she noticed the fiery red hair and the military jacket quickly, and realized that it was none other than Jacob Seed himself. She rolled her eyes at her own thoughts as he bent down to scold one of the Judges who got out of line in some way, giving her a perfect view of his ass, which she hadn’t asked for but didn’t exactly complain about. 

He spent most of his morning focusing on the wolves - it appeared there were others in charge of training the new recruits. Rook wasn’t too surprised, he seemed like the dog type (seemed like a dog himself, if she were honest). 

Once he was done with the Judges, he observed the Chosen training, stepping in occasionally and making a few of them run extra laps or drop down and give him 50 (yes, Rook counted). 

After that, he was back inside and after he didn’t come back out for a half hour, she checked the windows. Sure enough, she found him on the second floor in what looked like his office. Who was up there with him? Was that...was that Deputy Pratt?

Rook nearly choked on the intake of air as she took in how her former fellow Deputy looked. 

He had a bloody bruise across his face, fear in his eyes, and he stood as though someone had knocked any and all pride he had right out of him. She felt her heart rip as she took it all in. Pratt had been the first one to take her under his wing when she started at the Station. She liked him, and thought he was a good person. Yet there he was, broken and beaten down, and Rook knew exactly who was to blame for that. 

Her radio crackled to life at her hip and she rolled her eyes. 

“Hey there, kid,” Dutch’s voice said. “Wanted to say, helluva job with Faith’s drug den.”

Rook sighed before hitting the button to speak back. “Thanks. Glad it’s done.”

“Same here. That said, I’m guessing you’re in the mountains now, huh?”

“You guessed correctly,” she replied.

“Try to get in with the Whitetails. They don’t trust easy, so you gotta prove yourself.”

Her eyes rolled again. “How exactly do I go about doing that?”

“The usual - blowing some shit up, pissing off Jacob Seed. That sorta thing should do the trick.”

“Got it.”

“Gotta go, kid. Over and out.”

Once he was gone, she decided to shut the damn thing off. She was doing her job, and making sure that she was doing it well. Prep was an important part of this, she couldn’t just dive into Jacob’s region head first. 

She’d learned that with John - the first thing she did when the fog had cleared was liberate Fall’s End, and she’d nearly died almost three times trying to do that. With the adrenaline still kicking, she’d promptly stolen Nick’s plane back from Seed Ranch. 

Catching John’s attention like that had escalated things pretty fucking quickly, and there were several times where she barely made it out alive. Once she’d moved on to the Henbane, she’d tried to be cautious, but even so - she’d immediately attracted attention considering the first call she got was from Sharky and she’d spent the afternoon blasting disco and lighting Angels on fire, nearly dying six different times just during that alone. 

All in a day’s work, but still. 

Jacob was smarter than his younger siblings - he knew how to manipulate people and twist their minds to get them to submit to him. He was also ex-military, so it was likely he was already a few steps ahead of her anyway. 

Speaking of Jacob, where the hell was he? 

Rook frantically searched through her binoculars to find him, to figure out where the hell he’d gone. 

Damn her brain for constantly zoning out when she was trying to collect vital information! 

This was why she always ran head first into things - prep was a fucking drag and her brain knew it. But her brain also figured that the likelihood of her surviving death a billionth time was slim to none. She needed to be smart about this.

Rook let out a frustrated sigh and decided she’d observed enough of the Veteran’s Center. She had no clue where Jacob had gone, and it didn’t really matter. She'd seen what she needed to. She could drive around for a bit and get a sense of what businesses the cult had taken over, or what properties they’d purchased that they fully controlled. Plus, driving would be better for her stupid brain anyway.

After she packed up her bag, as she turned to leave, she was faced with the exact man that she’d been stalking only a half hour ago. 

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?”

“Who’s the ‘we’ in this situation?” Rook replied with a raised eyebrow and handgun. “Looks like it’s just you up here.”

Jacob Seed actually scoffed at her. Or was it more like a huff? Either way, apparently her little quip had amused him. 

“It’s a pretty common saying, Deputy.” 

“How’d you find me?”

“One of my men saw you. You’re not doing much to cover yourself out here, are you?”

She really, really wasn’t. Oversight number one. 

There weren’t a lot of trees on this particular mountain, and she figured she was far enough away that no one would notice her. As if the entire place wasn’t already on high alert considering the fact that she had just “murdered” Faith a day ago, and John a couple weeks ago. 

But what explanation did she have for Jacob? None. Nothing. She couldn’t even really form words without sputtering, which made her sputter more and more until Jacob finally started laughing. 

“Y’know, the way people talk about you, I figured you could at least string a sentence together.”

“I thought I was far enough away,” she finally spat out, albeit sheepishly. “Obviously that wasn’t the case.”

“Obviously,” Jacob repeated. “Put your gun down, honey. I don’t plan on shootin’ you.”

Oh? That was news. 

Joseph wanted her alive, but that didn’t stop all of the Peggies from trying to kill her every chance they got, and the same went for Faith and John. Plus, he could still harm her. John had made his men shoot her in the leg with Bliss bullets when they hunted her down, so it was clear injury and even torture were allowed. Just not murder. 

On the other hand, Jacob for sure thought that she’d killed both of his siblings, so there was no way he didn’t at least want to shoot her, right? 

“I’m not letting you kidnap me,” she growled.

“Wasn’t gonna. I wanted to talk, sweetheart. With you unarmed.”

What was it with all these pet names? And why did she find herself responding to them? Ugh. She could only imagine what the Resistance would say if any of them were watching her lower her gun and put it on the ground right then. They’d have a field day with that move. 

“You too, then,” Rook replied.

“Fair enough.”

Jacob set his large, red sniper rifle on the ground in front of him and even took the knife from his thigh holster (which Rook looked at with a gulp and promptly looked away), and set that next to it. 

“I mean unarmed, sweetheart.”

Rook rolled her eyes but dropped her bag at her feet and pulled all the various throwing knives, remote explosives, and even the trusty shovel that she carried on the ground, too. Jacob eyed that particular weapon with a raised eyebrow and a confused glance at her.

“What’ve you got a shovel for?”

“Works pretty well for bashing Angels’ heads in,” Rook replied with a smile. 

Jacob shrugged. Like it didn’t even phase him. God, this place was fucked up on so many levels.

“So, what’re you doing up here? I’m guessing with your binoculars you weren’t just enjoying the lovely view, huh?”

“What the fuck do you think I’m doing here?” she replied. “Took care of Holland Valley, took care of the Henbane. Time to take care of the Whitetail Mountains.”

“Figured.”

“Then why’d you even ask?”

“Dunno. Just small talk I guess. I’m more curious about your little bunker you got up here.”

Rook froze. 

Fuck. 

How did he know about that? Had he been watching her? What else had he seen? Did he know his siblings were alive? 

Her mind came up with sixty other questions all at once and she closed her eyes against the volume of her thoughts that increased with each second. Too much, too much. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes again as they quieted down. 

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb, honey. It’s not a good look on ya.”

“I’m not.”

“You’ve got a bunker northeast of Hurk Drubman’s house up in the mountains. You hide it with some wood that you decorated with mud and leaves. A good job, really. I’m impressed. You must’ve grown up hunting to be that good at disguising a steel door to a fucking bunker. So, what’ve you got down there that you’re so afraid of anyone finding?”

“I sleep there. It’s…” she fixed him with a glare before continuing, “my house got burnt down during the Reaping. The house I bought only two and a half months ago, with all my shit in it. Your fucking followers burnt it to the ground so I got nothing left, no place to sleep that’s not outside, other than that bunker.”

Jacob wasn’t buying it, and she could tell just from his body language alone. He crossed his arms and looked at her like she was a stupid little bunny trying to escape a trap.

“Cut the shit, honey. I know there’s something valuable in there. In fact, I’d say it wasn’t something. I’d say it was someone, considering the fact that you brought home multiple pizzas from 8-Bit last night.”

Rook’s eyes went wide. He must’ve had cameras everywhere, then. That was the only logical explanation. Had he set up some sort of security system there to watch her? Had he seen her bring Faith into the bunker? What about John? 

She closed her eyes again to calm her racing heart, to stop the insane flood of thoughts that made her stomach clench and her entire body go into crisis mode if she let them go for too long. 

“I need to eat.”

“Three pizzas is a lot for such a skinny little girl.”

She rolled her eyes. There was so much in what he’d said that she did not feel like unpacking, but even more in how she felt heat rise up to her face, and pool low in her abdomen. She did not even want to touch that reaction with a ten foot pole at that point. 

“I barely eat anymore considering I can’t even close my eyes without someone trying to shoot at me.”

“I’m gonna find out what you got down there no matter what, darlin’. You can make this easier for yourself and just tell me now. Or I can put you through the trials, make you kill innocent people, and mind fuck you so hard that you can’t even tell which direction is up.”

...Wow. 

She’d clearly underestimated just how intense the eldest Seed sibling was. 

Mind fuck you so hard? Jesus Christ. 

She wanted to roll her eyes, and if she didn’t think that he could easily snap her neck with probably just his pinky finger, she would’ve. But was he actually telling her that if she told him what she had down there, she could skip the trials she’d heard so much about? She could skip the brainwashing? 

Why would he offer that when it was clear that the Father had expectations of his siblings and a clearly laid out path for them to try and make her follow? 

“Seems like, if I’m understanding this right, you have an idea already and you just want me to say it.”

He moved closer to her and she held her breath as his face came within inches of hers. “You’re observant, aren’t you, darlin’?”

She shifted her weight awkwardly and avoided his eyes. He was too close for comfort but she didn’t even try to move away. 

“Sure. Yeah.”

“Just tell me what’s down there, honey. It’ll make this whole thing a lot easier. Especially between us.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’ve got  a plan, asshole. I’ve got a plan and I’m trying to make it work. It doesn’t work if you know what I don’t want you to...know.” 

Well put, Rook, well put.

“Well, why don’t you tell me the plan then? I could help.”

She blinked at him in confusion, which caused Jacob to chuckle. What the hell would Jacob Seed gain from helping her?

Clearly, he knew she had John and Faith. What he didn’t know was whether or not she was torturing them. Though, with the way he was acting, it didn’t seem all that urgent to him. If he thought his baby brother was in any immediate danger, he’d have a gun to her head and demand that she lead him to them. Rook knew that the Seeds would do anything for each other, but Jacob was on another level entirely. Oldest child, abusive parents, all that.

“Nothing good ever comes from revealing a plan to an enemy,” she replied, her voice softer than she’d like.

“Who said I had to be an enemy?” Jacob asked, shifting his weight and crossing his arms over his chest. 

Rook ignored the way his jeans accentuated certain parts of him in a way that would make her fidget if she stared too long. She was way too attracted to him, and if she had him this close to her, working with her? Something bad was bound to happen.

“Especially if you tell me what you got down there. If it’s what I think it is, then we have no cause to fight.”

“That’s the fucking problem, Jacob,” she growled back. “If we don’t fight, what the fuck would that look like to the Resistance?”

“Ah, yeah. The Resistance,” he said, thoughtfully. “You know they need you, right? Without you, there’s nothing unifying them. They’re just individual groups trying to fight for their regions. If you weren’t involved, they’d be fucked. You really think they’d be capable of turning on you for making the decision to not murder my siblings, Deputy?”

Would they? She wasn’t even sure. She couldn’t see them actually turning on her (in the more violent aspect of the act), but she could see them losing their trust in her. But he did have a point. That was why Dutch had sent her out to fight against the cult, so she could build something up and unite all the regions together against Joseph and his siblings. 

Jacob did have a point, but it made her sound all high and mighty when she really didn’t feel that way. She didn’t feel like she had much control over them or what they chose to do. Hell, if she announced that she’d been living with two of the Seed siblings, they would flip out. She was pretty sure that Grace might try to shoot her, and Jess would actually shoot her. 

“I need it to look like I’m still fighting, Jacob.”

“Why? So you can get in with the Militia?”

Jesus. Did he just know everything? How was he getting all this information? There was no way it was just from his hunters or the Chosen. He probably had video cameras all over the entire county, similar to how Dutch had set his own up. And when he found out she lived in that stupid little bunker, he probably put plenty of cameras all over the area to scope out her movements. He really was about ten, if not twenty, steps ahead of her.

“Who else knows?” Rook asked. 

“Just me, honey.”

“Keep it that way.”

“Only if you consider my offer.”

“How the fuck would you help me?” she asked. “What exactly could you do that would assist me in any way, shape, or form? Tell Joseph that I have them? Or tell the Resistance so that they turn on me and don’t ever trust me again? What is there that you could even do for me that would benefit me in the fucking slightest?”

“My purpose is to die, sweetheart. Not sure if you picked up on that yet, but my purpose has been and always will be to give my life for my brothers. For the Project. That’s my goddamn sacrifice.”

She frowned. “I’m...so confused.”

“I’ll offer myself up to you and you can put a bullet through my skull if you just let me see John one last time.”

Wait, what?! That had taken a dark turn way too quickly for Rook’s mind to fully keep up.

“I don’t…”

“I never planned to make it to the Collapse. Joseph told me my purpose very early on. Joseph knew someone was going to come along, a lamb to open all the seals, which is you. You’re here. So, why don’t you open the last seal and then you can be the hero you wanna be for your little Resistance.”

“I don’t want to be a fucking hero. I want to put a stop to the bloodshed.”

“How does keeping my siblings alive achieve that?”

“It’s less blood spilled. I can bring your entire fucked up family to justice instead of me murdering you all and letting you get away with all the shit you’ve done.”

“So, that’s your plan, huh?”

FUCK.

Rook could smack herself across the face multiple times for being so stupid. He knew her mind already without even talking to her for that long, and he knew how to get inside of it like a little worm and control exactly what she thought and what she said. 

He hadn’t even conditioned her, hadn’t starved her or broken her the way he apparently did to Pratt (based on what she’d seen during her little spy session). Yet, she still just handed him what he wanted on a silver fucking platter.

Heat bloomed in her cheeks as she stammered in an attempt to back track and switch directions. John and Faith had no idea they were waiting underground so that they could get put in cuffs and taken away. They hadn’t bothered to ask what Rook’s plan was, thankfully. There was also no way that Jacob wouldn’t tell them if she chose to take him to them. 

“I figured…” She took a deep breath. “I figured I could stop the Collapse if I didn’t open any seals.”

Jacob laughed, the sound low and rich, as he shook his head at her. “Don’t pretend to go all selfless now.”

“Are you really gonna tell me that you think you four don’t deserve prison time?” 

“I’m not saying we don’t. What we’ve done is against the law-”

“You think?”

“But the reasons we did it were good. Our intention was to save people. John, through atonement. Faith, through the Bliss. Me, by making them strong and preparing them for the world that Joseph promised us.”

“That doesn’t outdo the fact that you’ve been killing and torturing innocent fucking people who had no interest in any of this.” 

Rook raked her hands through her hair in frustration, wishing she could get him to understand that he was not a good person, and neither were his siblings. They were all bad people, regardless of their intentions.

“What if Joseph is right, Deputy?” 

Rook paused. John had asked her the same goddamn question when she’d tried to kill him, and she hadn’t known how to answer so she just grabbed him and took him to her little bunker and helped heal the wounds she’d given him. The anxiety about whether or not Joseph might be right grew and grew with each passing day and she didn’t speak about it to anyone. 

If he was right, it still wouldn’t justify the violence and the bloodshed, but it would make sense in terms of the Project’s desperation to save people. They thought they were doing the right thing. 

If Joseph was right, though, that would mean he was right about her. That would mean that she was the cause of the end of the world. But the thing was, he didn’t know that she hadn’t really opened the seals. So maybe it would put an end to everything if they could just sort things out peacefully. 

Maybe. 

“You still with me there, honey?” 

“If Joseph’s right, that means I can stop the entire thing. By doing what I’m doing.”

“The only way you could stop it is if you put your guns down and join us. It doesn’t matter if you arrest us, you’re still going against us. Sure, you didn’t kill us but you aren’t joining our side. You see the problem?”

Was keeping the Seeds alive helping her out at all? Probably not, if she really thought about it. If anything, she now had two mouths to feed and two personalities to deal with, who had basically been reduced to toddlers with their constant complaining and tantrums that occurred no matter what she did. 

“Well, that’s not happening,” she replied.

“I figured it wouldn’t. So the Collapse will come.”

With that, he gathered his weapons and turned to walk away, but then spun around on his heel again to look at her. She stared at his eyes for a moment, so deep and blue just like his brothers’. 

“Consider my offer, honey. My private radio frequency is 039. Though, I’d ask you not to spread that around to your little friends. I could only imagine that I’d never get any sleep if they had it. ‘Specially Addie Drubman. If anything, keep it away from her.”

Rook laughed, actually fucking laughed. When was the last time she’d done that? She couldn’t remember. Certainly it was before all this chaos started.

“Fine. I’ll think about it, Jacob.”

He walked away, leaving her standing there in complete and utter confusion. Her first encounter with the eldest Seed sibling definitely hadn’t gone how she had planned. Rook could only wonder how much he knew about the Resistance as a whole. Did he know where the Militia was hiding out? Did he have any idea of what they planned to do, or a way that she could get in and meet them all? She probably wouldn’t be able to without proving that she was against the cult. That seemed to be the theme with every single group of Resistance fighters she’d met. 

She sighed as she gathered up her things and made her way down the mountain, to go pay Jess a visit and see whether or not she knew of any outposts that Rook could liberate while she thought over Jacob’s offer.

~

Chapter Text

Through just one drive around the Whitetails, it was clear that the cult had upped security to an extent that made it almost impossible for anyone to exist off their radar. Peggies were left and right, and any Eden’s Gate vehicle that she passed would honk loudly and for a long period of time, as if giving a signal to the rest of them that they’d spotted her. Or they’d shoot at the car. So that just added some extra fun to her day as she drove around with Jess, who pointed out various outposts Rook could look into and liberate if she were so inclined. 

When evening came around, she dropped Jess off and made her way to Aubrey’s Diner, which had reopened with the liberation of the Henbane Region from Faith’s tyranny, to grab dinner for herself and the two people she did not want to see. She got burgers for her and John and while Faith had never told her this, she was certain the girl was a vegetarian, so she got a veggie burger for her, and another regular burger just in case she was wrong in her assumption. 

The drive back was uneventful, aside from the increased number of Peggies everywhere she went. She parked the truck in the thick of the trees, grabbed her shit and her food, and headed towards the bunker. 

Once she got in, neither John nor Faith were inclined to get up in greeting. It was an odd way to play house, but Rook felt like it was probably very similar to how her mother would feel, coming home from a long shift and her kids not exactly jumping up and down excited to see her. Maybe they weren’t toddlers, like she’d thought before. They were most certainly teenagers; angry at her all the time, angsty as all hell, and always hungry. 

“Must’ve been a boring day,” John commented as Rook began to lay out the food on the table. “Considering you’re not bleeding all over everything for the first time ever.”

“It was fine,” Rook replied. “Faith, for some reason I thought you were a vegetarian, so I got a veggie burger for you. But there’s also a regular burger if that is completely false and a product of my own imagination.”

Faith looked up from the book she was reading on her cot with a raised eyebrow. “No, you were right.”

“Impressive, Deputy,” John said as he stood and sat himself down at the table. “And here I thought you didn’t even care about us.”

“I don’t. But I’m not a monster, I wouldn’t force someone to choose between eating meat and starving.”

John hummed in acknowledgement as he dug through the large bag for ketchup packets, which he took all of and left none for her or Faith. Rook would normally give him some shit about it but she didn’t feel like it. Her mind was still reeling with the fact that her encounter with Jacob hadn’t gone totally horrible. Well, it hadn’t gone great either, considering she’d also stumbled over almost all her words like a silly, love-struck teenager. But...he hadn’t shot her with a Bliss bullet so Rook would take that as a win. Plus, he hadn’t brainwashed her. Yet, anyway. 

“You seem very lost in thought this evening,” Faith commented. 

“Weird day,” Rook replied. 

“Is that so, Deputy?” 

God, the way John always said every syllable of the word ‘deputy’ made Rook’s teeth grind against each other in annoyance. It was like he wanted to savor the word as it fell off his tongue and it creeped her out. 

“I was just doing surveillance,”

“Ah, so you spent about eight hours watching my brother’s every move?” John asked with another annoying smirk on his face.

“I looked at the entire region, Johnny boy. I’m not that obsessed with your brother.”

That got him to quiet down, thankfully. Or he was just really into his burger, which seemed to also be the case. Rook chewed her food thoughtfully, and she couldn’t help but wonder what life was like in the Project. Hurk Jr. had told her some information when they’d gotten his father’s truck back, about how he’d tried to join thinking it was some sort of freaky sex cult when in reality, it was more religious than most churches in the deep south were. 

The curiosity within her burned, constantly, from the moment that Whitehorse had briefed her on the situation on her first day. Ever since then, the fire had grown. She’d always had an interest in cults - she wasn’t sure why, but the idea that one person could convince thousands of people to leave their lives behind to do whatever that single person said...it was captivating. She’d been shy about asking anything in terms of the Project and life within it, mostly because she was certain John and Faith would see her interest as a chance to convert her. For some reason, that night, she didn’t care about that at all, and spoke up.

“So why do all you Herald’s never have a special someone?” Rook asked, after a while. “I mean, I know Joseph was married before. But I also know that fornication is a sin so like...to be a Herald, do you have to be celibate?”

Faith’s cheeks dusted pink as John chuckled and shook his head. “And what, may I ask, brought this question up in your mind?”

“I have plenty of questions. So many, actually.”

“And you start with basically asking us if and why we’re single? Why’s that?”

“John,” Rook growled, knowing exactly where this was going.

“Could it be that you saw my brother today and that just piqued your interest?”

“No. Fine. I’ll ask another one.”

“No, no. We’re happy to answer. Faith, would you like to or shall I?”

Faith bit into her veggie burger, probably as an attempt to avoid the question entirely. Rook noticed her cheeks were still pink and felt guilty for bringing it up. She didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, she was just...curious.

“I lived a life before all this that was disgusting,” John began. “I was powerful, influential, had plenty of money to get plenty of drugs and company for all the evenings I would ever need it. As a result, it became an obsession. I didn’t care to date anyone romantically, but I did enjoy sex a bit too much. To the point where it drove me into a sort of madness. I was addicted. 

“So, naturally, I used my money over and over again to feed that addiction. When Joseph found me, he saw it and he helped me move out of the black hole I’d created for myself. So I no longer needed...attention, if you will, every single night from a different person. Fornication isn’t a sin, Deputy, not when love is involved.”

“So was there someone in the Project that you loved?”

“A while ago, there was a follower named Holly. However, that ended relatively quickly. She found I was a little too much to handle. You know, broken past, all that.”

“She thought she could fix you and she couldn’t?”

“Exactly.”

“Gotcha. What about everyone else?”

“Joseph’s given into his sin from time to time - we all fall into temptation which is why we must constantly atone and try to better ourselves.”

“That explains the multiple ‘Lust’ carvings all over his fucking skin,” Rook said. 

“Exactly. Addiction is a constant battle, it’s never just cured. But the Project made me see that I could battle it successfully.” 

Rook hummed in acknowledgement. If there was one thing she knew, it was addiction. She’d watched her father waste away to nothing after discovering heroin, and it went on to take away his wife, his child, his home...until it took him away too. 

There were so many times that he’d promised he was clean, that he would never fall into it again. But then, after a couple weeks, sometimes months, and one time a whole year, a call would wake Rook up in the middle of the night from either jail or the hospital and she would have to sneak out of the house and drive to get him and help him. He wanted to beat it, wanted to be a good dad. But in the end, he couldn’t. 

“I gather from the way your eyes look, you understand,” John said. 

Rook cleared her throat and nodded. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry. I would never wish it on my worst enemy.” 

His tattooed hand closed over hers and Rook looked up at him in surprise. Under all that tough exterior, all the “SAY YES” crap and the torture and miles and miles of thick walls that he’d built around himself, John was...a person. Who would’ve thought?

“Thanks,” she muttered. She glanced at Faith. “You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to, I was just asking ‘cause I’m curious.”

“It’s fine. I’m just...I’ve never been interested in anything to do with romance or...or sex, even. It was...well, it was always just a means to an end for me. To get...to get what I needed.” 

Rook nodded. “So the whole no sex thing wasn’t a problem, huh?”

“It freed me up to do my work, do my part for the Project. I never had to worry about neglecting a partner or not having enough time for them.”

“You weren’t blinded by the sin of Lust, which made you an excellent sister and herald,” John said with a smile. 

Weird Peggie talk made Rook feel weird, but she didn’t want to offend anyone so she just kept quiet. Especially since she was the one who asked in the first place. John looked over to her after he smiled at Faith and Rook felt heat gather on her cheeks as he studied her. 

“Jacob was one of the lucky ones. He never had a problem with addiction in any capacity. He can drink a glass of whiskey and it doesn’t turn into the whole bottle. He avoids drugs of any sort, really, including pharmaceuticals. Though sins of the flesh can be a weakness for him, he’s never fallen to them whilst leading the Chosen.”

“Why not?” Rook asked before she could stop herself. 

John smirked at her and she immediately regretted it. “I wouldn’t know, he doesn’t talk about that kind of thing with me.”

“When did he fall to them before?”

“Why the sudden curiosity, Deputy?” John teased, but he continued and answered her. “He had a girlfriend before he joined the military, when he was young. That was the only time, from what I’ve been told. Although, Joseph had told me that since the Reaping began, he has seemed a bit...distracted.”

She wished she could bury herself in a hole, especially because she was talking to John of all people, Jacob’s little brother. So weird. 

She cleared her throat and moved on. “So, what do you guys do for Christmas, and stuff?”

Faith and John exchanged a knowing glance that made Rook want to punch both of them in the teeth, but she withheld her anger. No need to start a fight over something as minor as asking about fornication within the cult, right? 

“What do you mean, what do we do for Christmas?”

“I just know that some religions are, like, super against celebrating or having sweets and stuff. Did you guys have to pray all day or something?”

“Joseph gave a sermon early in the morning, and there was a gathering for dinner that the followers who did not have any family would arrange for each other. The four of us would spend the holiday together,” Faith replied. “It was lovely.”

“Did you exchange presents?”

“After a delicious meal prepared by Jacob, yes. We’d sit down and exchange presents and listen to Christmas carols.”

“Jacob can cook? The Ryes seemed to think he was the one who made the watery mac n cheese.”

John blushed, actually fucking blushed, and Rook resisted the urge to laugh. “He cooked for us as children, Deputy, of course my brother can cook. I, however, never had to cook once. In fact, I typically had someone employed to make my meals.”

Rook nodded. “Interesting.”

John and Faith exchanged a knowing glance again and Rook shoved the rest of the burger into her mouth, deciding to save the rest of her questions for later.

~

The first thing Rook did in the morning was take back the F.A.N.G. Center and rescue Cheeseburger. She didn’t like the idea of the cult having a bear, first of all. Second of all, if one more person continued to complain about the local legend bear being in the hands of the cult, she would’ve lost her shit. Third of all, Cheeseburger was a fucking legend and she wasn’t going to let him get hurt because he was Hope County’s cutest and chillest bear.

  As soon as she rescued him and brought him back, the owner of the center said she could use him for helping her around the region, and she decided that having a pet bear would probably be on the top three list of coolest things she’d ever done in her entire life, so she agreed. She’d left Boomer in the care of the Ryes (little Carmina had really taken an interest in him and liked having him around, and who was Rook to deny her goddaughter anything ever). 

Cheeseburger proved himself extremely useful and a fun companion to have while she wandered around the Whitetails. The F.A.N.G Center was the only real outpost she liberated - she was still contemplating what Jacob had said to her, and wondered whether or not it would be worth it to have him on her side. There was no fucking guarantee that he wouldn’t immediately tell John and Faith her plan to turn them in, but he’d seemed honest and genuine enough…

Rook also struggled to move on from the fact that John had implied that Jacob had been distracted since the start of the Reaping. There was no way for Rook to know for sure whether that meant she was his distraction. Hell, Jacob might be into Staci - although Rook seriously hoped that wasn’t the case based on how Staci had looked the day before. She’d only seen him through her binoculars but the dude looked completely broken, and if Jacob had done that because he was into him...that was a whole new level of disturbing that Rook wasn’t ready to explore.

Instead of doing any real work, Rook decided to check out some prepper stashes she’d heard about from a few civilians that she’d rescued. She found some good shit in a plane crash up high in the mountains, and found another one just south of the F.A.N.G. Center. Say what you want about Hope County and the Project at Eden’s Gate, but the Peggies certainly gave the residents a reason to start preparing for the end of the world. She came away with a lot of cash, a lot of gear and ammo, and some helpful maps and information that would assist while she took the region over.

Cheeseburger had also been quite helpful in taking down a few bears and cougars that had attempted to make Rook into a meal, so she had some furs and meat to sell. Knowing she couldn’t take Cheeseburger home with her to such a small bunker, she dropped him back off at the F.A.N.G. Center for the night.Vague as ever, she didn’t disclose where she was living, but insisted that it would be a bit too small for the big guy. She could’ve kept him outside, she figured, but wasn’t crazy about the idea. It would draw too much attention, plus she wouldn’t know if he was hurt in the event that something or someone came after him in the night.

John had mentioned pizza again as she left that morning, so she made her way over to 8-bit for the second time that week. She wasn’t too excited to get there - she knew all her friends would have questions about how it was going in Jacob’s region and wonder why she’d just done a stakeout the day before. 

Sure enough, she faced a million questions the minute she walked in the door.

“You guys,” she said, exhausted from all the grappling through the mountains she’d done and her ears ringing from everyone talking over each other. “I needed some fucking money because I was running low on ammo and explosives. So I did what I needed to do to get that shit. I can’t take down the cult if I’m bulletless and explosive-less, now can I?”

“You spent the entire day yesterday just scoping out the Vet’s Center,” Grace said. “Jess told us.”

“I dove in head first in Holland Valley and in the Henbane, and shit got intense real quick. I didn’t know what I was up against - John and Faith were both very different in their approaches to trying to take me down. I’m trying to understand Jacob’s methods.”

“Tell that to the Whitetails,” Jess said. “I’ve heard from down the grapevine that they’re not all that sure they can trust you.”

“Why?” Rook asked. 

“Wouldn’t say. But Eli’s got the entire region on camera, he can see everything. So I’d make sure you don’t do anything fucking stupid.”

Eli and the Militia had probably watched her exchange with Jacob the day before, and had probably seen that she’d let him go unharmed, and he’d done the same to her. Did they have the whole place mic’d, too? Had they heard what the two of them had talked about? If so, Rook was confused as to why they wouldn’t want her head on a spike, and spread the news to everyone in the Resistance that the Deputy had saved Jacob’s siblings. 

Rook tried to change the subject, to ask about the other regions and how everything was going there. Whenever she came to 8-bit to talk to her friends, it felt more like work than anything else. It was like a fucking business dinner. She had to make sure there was nothing they needed from her, all the while she was required to share her progress with how she was doing in destroying the cult. It was tiring, and she was finding that she preferred to spend time with Faith and John rather than any of her friends. The only ones who weren’t totally insane were Sharky, Hurk, and Addie. 

Grace, Jess and Nick headed out fairly early compared to normal, and with their exit, Rook felt the room become lighter and less tense. Sharky, Hurk and Addie looked tired but ready to talk about anything other than the fact that the entire county was under attack from a weird religious cult and it had somehow fallen on Rook’s shoulders to save everybody.

“You all right, there, Deputy?” Addie had asked as Rook polished off her single beer of the night. “Lookin’ a little worse for wear.”

“Lookin’ like you need to get laid,” Sharky teased. “Too bad John’s dead as shit, ‘cause I’m sure he’d be up for the job if he were still here.”

Rook laughed. “No thanks.”

“I’d love to do some community service for our peacekeeper,” Hurk Jr. teased. “Just say the word, man. I gotcha.”

“Thanks, Hurk. Appreciate the offer, even though it was super weird to make it in front of your own mother, but I’m good.”

Addie chuckled. “Sweetheart, what’s goin’ on?”

Rook let out a sigh, frustrated that she couldn’t even confide in the people she trusted the most out of everyone in Hope County. She loved all her friends, loved every single person she had helped out since her arrival, but these three were a different level of good fucking people. Addie would take any secret (including the one of her attraction to Jacob Seed) to her grave, Hurk would do the same and always give her a good laugh even on days where she didn’t think she would be able to smile, and Sharky was just a good guy. He would never judge her for anything at all, and he was always down to light something on fire, which she’d needed over the last month or so.

She wanted to tell them what was going on, wanted to tell them that she had a plan that no one knew about (except for Jacob Seed, annoyingly). Even though she trusted them more than anyone, she knew she couldn’t divulge that information to them. The more people that knew, the bigger danger that word could get out and shift this fight into a whole new direction that Rook did not want it to go in. 

One thing she did know for sure, though, was that she could talk to them about her doubt, about how ungrateful it seemed some of the people in her friends group were, and how she felt like all of this was an extreme burden that she wasn’t sure she could carry to the finish line alone.

“Don’t repeat this to anyone,” Rook said, her voice already giving away her exhaustion. “But Grace, Jess, Nick...all of ‘em. It’s getting...I’m feeling so fucking drained.”

“I know, honeybunch,” Addie said. “They’re intense people.”

“I get it, I really do. Their lives were at risk and their homes were getting attacked, and they went through some real shit. Mary May included, Pastor Jerome, Tracey, fucking Whitehorse, and Hudson. They’ve been through some fucking horrible things. But it’s like...the only thing that matters is what I’m doing to bring the cult down. 

“No one asks if I’m okay, no one says thank you anymore because it’s just expected of me. I’ve done so goddamn much and it never feels like enough. Ever. It just feels like I’m never going to live up to the expectations that they have of me, and that’s so fucking tiring.”

They listened with sympathetic looks on their faces and Addie’s hand came out to clasp Rook’s. There was nothing they could say, not really. They couldn’t encourage her to give up, because they knew they needed her. They couldn’t tell her to tell this to the rest of the group - how would it look if she went to all of them and said ‘hey, you guys need to thank me because otherwise I’m not going to do what needs to get done anymore’? 

“I know it’s hard, sweetie, trust me. I can’t imagine how you must be feelin’. Please know that they appreciate what you’re doin’ for ‘em, they’re just too stressed to really take the time to say thank you. We talk about it a lot, when you’re not here. We worry about you, we worry about how you feel, how hard all this is on you. And shit, we worry that maybe you’ll join up with the cult just so you don’t have to deal with all this shit anymore,” Addie said. “Not that I’d blame ya, after all this. Please know, we all care about you, Dep. Times are just so fuckin’ crazy right now.”

“Do I sound like a total asshole?” Rook asked. 

“No fuckin’ way, dude,” Hurk Jr. replied. “Shit, I know I would’ve given right up if I was in your shoes.”

“Po-po, listen to me,” Sharky said. “You’re a fucking badass motherfucker, and I’m pretty sure all us here would fuckin’ die for you if need be. Hell, a few of us almost have. Nick’s included in that one. Same with Grace. That’s how the people ‘round here show their love - they fight for the people they care about.”

“Listen here, honeybunch - you ever need a day or two off, just call me up on the radio. We can get together and figure somethin’ out, maybe take back a couple of outposts on our own or some shit like that. Not that we don’t need ya, because we sure as hell do. But this job is harder than any other that I’ve ever heard of, so if you need to take a day, we’ll be here to back you up.”

Rook’s eyes filled with tears, which was super fucking embarrasing, but the idea of a day off already made her feel so relaxed and so goddamn good. Just a day to do whatever the fuck she wanted, maybe get cracking on that 2,000 piece puzzle she had down in the bunker. She could even take some time to read, which was something she hadn’t had time to do since her move out to Hope County two and a half months prior. 

“You serious?” she asked. “You’d do that for me?”

“Fuck yeah, my dude,” Hurk Jr. said with a smile on his face. “We’d be prepared to do anything for ya.”

“What about tomorrow?” Rook asked. 

“Sure thing,” Addie replied with a smile. “We’ll say you’re not feelin’ too well or some shit. Or we can just be straight with everyone and tell ‘em that even fuckin’ Superman got some goddamn days off.”

“You have no idea how much that would mean to me.”

“You got it, honeybunch.”

After a little while, they left, and Rook got to work on whipping up some pizzas. She made three this time, one cheese, one with veggies, and the other with sausage, pepperoni, and every other meat she could fucking find in the fridge. Once she was done and had the pizzas in the car, she set up the traps and locked all the doors before she climbed into her car and let out a sigh with a huge smile on her lips. A day off. The mere idea of not having to get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow, of getting to do whatever the fuck she wanted with her time, made her so excited that she was almost shaking.

She pulled out her radio before she started the car, and let out another sigh before she turned the dial to 039, as Jacob instructed, and prayed to whatever God was up there that he had been truthful about the channel being his private one. If he hadn’t been, she was so royally screwed if anyone heard the transmission come through.

“Jacob, you there? Over.”

She held her breath and waited, her mind going absolutely insane with fear and doubt about whether this was the right move or not. Why should she trust Jacob fucking Seed in any capacity? 

“Deputy. Good to hear from you. Have you considered my deal? Over.”

“Look, I don’t like this idea. At all. But for some reason, I trust you. I’ll let you see them, but you have to swear that you won’t do anything fucking stupid, you hear me? Over.”

“Of course, honey. Over.”

“You probably know exactly where my little makeshift home is, don’t you? Over.”

“Sure do. Over.”

“Meet me there in forty minutes. If you enter the woods off the main road-”

“I know where you keep your car, too. I’ll be there. Over and out.”

~

Chapter Text

Rook clutched the steering wheel so hard that she was sure her hands would feel some sort of sore after a while as she drove. She hoped she could trust Jacob, but also hoped that Eli and the Militia didn’t have the place wired, either. If they did, and they saw all of this, they’d most certainly have her labeled as enemy number one, no question. 

Jacob was already there when she pulled up, which was not at all shocking nor unexpected. She hopped out of the truck and grabbed the three boxes of pizza from the passenger seat. 

“You make those yourself?” Jacob asked, pushing himself up from where he was leaning on his truck. 

“Yeah,” Rook replied, avoiding his gaze as she shut the door to her own.

“Let me guess, at John’s request?”

She laughed. “How’d you know?”

“He’s my brother,” Jacob said.

They began to make their way to the bunker, which was about a ten minute walk. 

Rook noticed he wasn’t armed, save for the trusty hunting knife in his thigh holster that she’d never seen him without. She was impressed that he would trust her enough to not have a gun or at least some other form of weapon that she couldn’t take and use against him. 

“Was wondering when you’d call me on the radio,” he said after they started walking. “Took you a lot less time than I thought.”

Rook shot him a glare. “Look, this has been hard on me the same way it’s been on you and your people.”

The older man stopped and fixed her a long, hard look. “I thought my baby brother was dead, Deputy. I mourned him for a week before my hunters spotted you over here, and when I discovered you bringing Faith there after you’d ‘killed’ her, I figured out what you were so worried about people finding it.”

“We’ve lost people, too.”

“Any of ‘em your little brother?”

Well. He had her there. 

“Okay, you’re right. I’m...sorry.”

She was apologizing to Jacob Seed, and that was absolutely something she never anticipated. 

“I forgot something.”

Rook frowned but Jacob had already turned around. He went back to his truck and came back a few moments later, carrying a six pack of Whistling Beaver beer. 

“Isn’t John a recovering alcoholic?”

“Yeah, but that don’t mean I can’t drink in front of him.”

“Isn’t that a little…rude?”

Jacob sighed and fixed her another glare. “That was how we made him strong in his fight against it, Deputy. Joseph and I drank in front of him almost every night, to get him to build up his walls against the temptation. It worked.”

Rook raised an eyebrow but said nothing. If it worked, then it worked - she wasn’t one to judge. Plus, now that she knew that, maybe she could sneak some beer down there and have one every now and again with dinner.

“That all for you?” Rook asked.

Jacob snorted in response. “I like beer, Deputy, but the Project is all about not being gluttonous or greedy. I brought it to share.”

“Does Faith drink?”

“No, she doesn’t.”

“Gotcha.”

She ignored the heat in her face at the fact that he’d brought it to share with her. It was an oddly thoughtful move. Something she would never in a million years have expected from Jacob Seed of all people.

They made it to the bunker and Jacob held onto the pizzas while Rook cleared the door and opened it. She climbed down into the bunker, and when she heard John and Faith’s noises of protest of her coming home empty handed, she rolled her eyes. 

Ungrateful little brats, she thought. 

Oh, God. She really was turning into their fucking mother, wasn’t she?

“Shut up. I got a surprise for you.”

Jacob handed her the pizzas and John immediately recognized the sleeves of his Army jacket, as did Faith. They stood there, looking like kids on Christmas morning, and when Jacob made it down into the bunker, John rushed him with a giant hug, which nearly knocked Jacob backwards. 

Rook watched the family reunion for a moment before she climbed back up the ladder, pulled the coverings back over the door and shut and locked it before she climbed back down. John was positively over the moon, and Faith was hugging Jacob tight and he was doing the same.

“We’ve missed you, brother,” John said. “How is everything up there? Is Joseph all right?”

“He thinks the both of you are dead, so no. He’s not doing too well.”

John pulled up another chair to the table, and Faith even went about to get all the silverware and everything set. Jacob handed Rook a beer and popped the cap off for her with a keychain he had (of course Jacob Seed had a bottle opener on his keychain) and Rook pointedly ignored the looks that John and Faith were giving the two of them.

They sat down to eat, and Faith made sure to sit on Rook’s other side so that Rook was next to Jacob, which annoyed the Deputy to no end but also wasn’t something she was going to complain about. John insisted on praying, which they hadn’t done before, and Rook nearly jumped six feet into the air when Jacob reached over and grabbed her hand. 

Her face was, without a doubt, red - and John seemed to smirk as he looked at her before he closed his eyes and asked God to bless the food, bless the people, blah, blah, blah - it wasn’t like Rook could concentrate with Jacob’s warm hand covering hers. 

After John said ‘amen,’ out of force of habit, Rook did the sign of the cross, which caused the three Seeds to look at her with a raised eyebrow.

“And here I thought you a Godless woman, deputy,” John said. 

“I grew up Catholic. Force of habit,” Rook replied, taking a sip of her beer. “Also, great selection on the beer, by the way.”

“Glad you like it,” Jacob replied. “I always pegged you for one of those girls that only drinks the fruity stuff - glad you’re not.”

Rook scoffed. “What is it with men and sour beers? Every single guy I’ve ever met is all sorts of afraid that if they drink it, it’ll make their balls crawl back up and they’ll sprout tits overnight or something. Sours can be really fucking good. You’re missing out.”

“I’ll take my stouts over a fucking sour any day.”

Rook looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Oh, God. You’re a stout guy? Those are worse than the IPA guys.”

“How?”

“Stout guys think they’re just so cool because stouts aren’t ‘mainstream’ or whatever, which, by the way, is how IPA guys are, too. But at least now IPAs are actually mainstream, so now all the dudes who like stouts like to declare how much they like stouts because they think it makes them cooler, somehow.”

“Stouts are the best, honey.”

“No fucking way. You’re actually saying to me that on a hot, summer day, while you’re tailgating or boating or fishing or hunting, that you’d rather crack open a fucking heavy, rich stout over a light refreshing beer? Is that what you’re telling me right now?”

“Exactly.”

“You are an actual psychopath.” 

Rook let out a laugh and downed the rest of the bottle, and as she reached for a second one, she caught John’s eye. 

He and Faith both had very amused looks on their faces, and Rook felt her cheeks go bright red with heat. Good God, had she and Jacob been flirting? In front of his siblings? 

Wait, was beer shittalking considered flirting? Rook wasn’t even sure. But she was sure that she would kill for a hole to swallow her up so she’d never have to look at either of them again, that was for sure.

“Where in the world did you gain all this beer knowledge, Deputy?” John asked.

“I lived in the city before I moved here,” Rook replied.

“Where?” Faith asked.

“Denver. They like their beers out there.”

“Like their weed out there, too,” Jacob said with a laugh. 

“That’s...yeah, that’s definitely true.”

God, Rook would kill for a joint. She hadn’t thought about weed in a long while, but the mere idea made her realize how helpful it would be to have some. It would for sure do the trick to relax her, and maybe she would be able to have some peace and quiet inside her head if she smoked some. 

What a day off that would be. Puzzles, some weed, and hopefully some leftover beer if Jacob didn’t drink all of his and she didn’t drink all of hers. But that wasn’t looking too good since they were both on their second bottle.

“Deputy, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you wanted some marijuana right about now,” John observed. “You’ve got that daydream-y look in your eye.”

“My shoulders are so tense that they’re up to my ears, I haven’t had a second to breathe without getting shot at, and my feet have been hurting non-stop for the last fucking month,” Rook retorted. “So yeah, I’d say that weed would be helpful right about now.”

“Weed is a gateway drug, Deputy,” John warned. 

“For you, maybe. But it’s also extremely helpful for mental health and a whole bunch of other shit.”

“The Bliss is helpful, too,” Faith replied. “And it’s non-addictive.”

Rook shot a glance at John and then at Jacob, and they were the same expression of a raised eyebrow, as if they were both very aware that the whole “not addictive” claim was basically bullshit, but neither of them was going to actually say it.

“What else don’t we know about you, Deputy?” John asked, his interest a little too not-subtle for Rook’s taste. “You pretty much know all there is to know about us, considering you’ve read the Book of Joseph.”

“I have not,” Rook replied. 

“It’s in your bag. Do you just carry it around to add even more weight to it? Just for fun?”

Rook blinked at him for a moment. “You went through my stuff?”

“Of course I did, Deputy,” John said, as if she should have completely expected it. “I’m nosy. I like gossip. You really think I wouldn’t look through your bag the second I got a chance?”

“That’s so rude.”

“Not as rude as some of the stuff you wrote in your journal about us.”

Rook’s eyes went so wide, she was shocked they stayed in their sockets. “You read my journal?” 

“Of course I did,” John replied, with the same exact exhausted tone.

Rook felt her entire body grow hot and dread creep into her stomach. If John had read her journal, he’d read some very private thoughts that Rook had about his eldest brother. Hell, she was a liar if she didn’t admit that for the last month, most of her entries had been about Jacob. Oh, God, Rook was so embarrassed that even the Earth swallowing her whole wouldn’t be enough for her to escape the horror.

“All of it?” she asked, her voice a lot smaller and sheepish than she would like.

“Yes,” John said, the smirk on his face almost evil. 

“That is beyond messed up. What the hell, John?” 

“What was I supposed to do? This bunker is so boring.”

“How’d you even know where to find it?”

“You think I haven’t seen you lift up your mattress at night when you think we’re asleep and pull it out, turn on your little reading light and then write in it for almost an hour?”

Of course, John had decided to reveal that information right then and there, while Jacob was sitting right next to her. What a fucking asshole, for one thing. For another thing, it was clear he was just waiting for the exact right opportunity, which made Rook even more angry at him. 

“Shoulda warned you about that one,” Jacob said with a laugh. “You can’t keep anything hidden from John.”

“Jesus Christ,” Rook said, burying her face in her hands.

“I’d say, going off that journal, you have a lot of sins that you haven’t atoned for, Deputy. One very specific sin, for that matter.”

“John,” Jacob said, his voice warning. “Don’t be an asshole.”

“You would be very interested to read what I read, brother,” John said. 

“I’m sure I would. But she saved your life and is treating you well and feeding you when she could’ve just killed you. Don’t use some dumb shit she wrote in her journal against her.”

“Well, dear brother, I’m sure you’d love to know that there was a lot of entries about-“

“John, I don’t want to hear it,” Jacob said. “If you keep this up, I’m leaving.”

“Fine, fine,” John said, dismissively. 

He scowled as he grabbed another slice of pizza and shot Rook a glare that basically said ‘you win this round.’ However, Rook would be kidding herself if she thought there wouldn't be another opportune moment for John to try and spill the dirty details of her journal. 

She glanced at Jacob with an open mouth for a second, in complete disbelief that he’d stepped in for her, before she took another long sip of beer and continued to eat the pizza she’d neglected. She felt something swell in her chest at the way Jacob had respected her privacy and shut down John’s taunts.

“Thanks,” Rook muttered to him.

He just winked at her in response, and if that didn’t get her entire body warm with embarrassment and something else that she’d rather not even think about, she didn’t know what would. 

The rest of dinner went on relatively uneventfully. John did continue to ask questions about her life prior to all this, but none of them were invasive in any way, shape or form - it was mostly things like ‘what did you do before you became a sheriff’s deputy?’ or ‘what was your favorite subject in school?’, all of which Rook was happy to answer if it meant that John would never, ever, ever bring up her journal again. Especially with the subject of her written fantasies in the room with her. 

John and Faith cleaned up and put the leftovers away in the little fridge that they had, and Jacob popped the tops off the last two beers before he asked if Rook wanted to walk him back to his car. She was armed, he wasn’t, so he figured if any trouble happened, she would be helpful.

“You’re leaving already,” John said, disappointed as all hell. God, he looked like a sad puppy whose toy had gotten taken away.

“Gotta get back,” Jacob replied. “Rook and I will figure out another day I can come and visit, okay?”

“Okay,” John replied. 

The three siblings exchanged hugs and well wishes before Rook followed Jacob out of the bunker. She replaced the door with the covering she’d crafted before she followed him on the walk. They sipped their beers and didn’t talk too much as they walked, but Rook was almost too aware about the fact that there might be cameras from the Whitetail Militia all around them, and that they might see Rook and Jacob having a beer together, which wouldn’t look too good.

“Eli doesn’t have any cameras out here, Deputy,” Jacob said, as if reading her thoughts. “He’s more concerned about the cult’s property than he is with the wilderness where there’s nothing of note.”

“Jess mentioned that the Whitetails didn’t trust me already,” Rook found herself saying, not really registering that she was talking to her enemy. “And that makes me think they saw our interaction on the mountains by the Veterans Center.”

“There wasn’t anything wrong with that interaction, honey,” Jacob replied. “If they don’t trust you over that, then they’re a little too fucking paranoid.”

“Why would they trust me after I let you go?” she replied. “Unless we struck some sort of deal?”

“Enemies talk all the time. They’re just soldiers, not leaders, so they wouldn’t understand that side of war.”

“So you’re telling me when you were in the military, your commanders would have unarmed conversations with the enemy forces and you guys would know about it but not understand it?”

“That was a different kind of war,” Jacob replied, his eyes dark.

Rook didn’t push it - the way Jacob’s voice had changed was enough to scare her off that topic entirely. She hadn’t heard him talk while he was angry, but she wasn’t crazy about making him talk like that to her ever again, even if his voice did get all low and gravely and…

Nope. Nope. Do not go there. 

“Thanks for stopping John from spilling every little detail he read in my journal,” Rook said after she took a sip of her beer. “He’s a sneaky motherfucker.”

“I figured that side of him woulda come out by now,” Jacob replied. “Unless for some reason, he was waiting for an opportune moment.”

“Yeah, well clearly that’s…” 

Rook trailed off. She was not about to let Jacob know that him being there was the opportune moment, because that would 100% give away the fact that all or most of her entries had been about him, which was not something she was keen on having him know. So, she just took another sip of beer to occupy her big mouth and keep herself quiet.

When they reached his car, Jacob turned to her. “Listen, I appreciate the fact that you let me see them. Is there any way we could work out some sort of deal?”

“Like what?” Rook asked.

“I’ll let you and the Resistance take some of our outposts, in exchange for getting to see them twice a week.”

“You can’t make it look easy,” she said. “If I walk in there with someone and there are only a few guards, they’re going to be suspicious.”

“Fine. I’ll leave all the guards at their posts but I’ll jam the dispatches to make sure no back up comes. Deal?”

“I can just do that myself.”

Jacob rolled his eyes at her, but Rook knew it would be easier to have it that way. Otherwise, if no distress calls were picked up by the rest of Jacob’s men, they would suspect something, too. Of course, they were in a cult, so Jacob could probably spew some bullshit and get them off his back as to why their communications were jammed up, but Rook didn’t want to take that chance. 

“Fine.”

“What outposts can I take?”

“I’ll give you the Whitetail Park Ranger station.”

“Okay, and…?”

“You already took the F.A.N.G. Center from us. Ain’t two enough for now?”

“No fucking way,” Rook replied. “I’m sticking my goddamn neck out.”

“Yeah, and I’m giving you my life at the end of all this.”

Rook paused. 

Did he really think that she would spare his brother, his sister, and not spare him? She had no intention of letting him offer up his life, and she thought that was clear from the get go.

“Jacob, I’m not killing you.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “Why not?” 

“Why would I go through all the trouble of sparing John and Faith and then kill you? That’s...I never came to the Whitetails with the intention of murdering you.”

“I told you, my mission in life is to die-”

“And I’m telling you that I’m not gonna be the one to kill you,” Rook said. 

The mere idea of putting a gun to his head and pulling the trigger made her stomach ache in a way she hated. It was the same when it came to John, and when it came to Faith. She’d looked at them, seen it in their eyes that they weren’t exactly ready to die - that they were afraid - and it had ripped her heart apart. 

“You have to.”

“I don’t have to do anything, Jacob. I’m not-”

He cut her off and grabbed her wrist in one of his hands, while he reached behind her and pulled her handgun from out of the top of her pants with the other. He pressed the handgun into her hand, wrapped his fingers around hers so that her pointer finger was on the trigger, and pressed the barrel of the gun against his head.

“Do it.”

She stared at him. “Jacob, what the fuck?”

“Do it. C’mon.”

“I’m not-”

“You could end all of this right now. Kill me, let the Resistance see that you’re their savior, and then deliver John and Faith safely to Joseph.”

She pulled against his grip. “Jacob, stop.”

“Pull the fucking trigger, honey. I ain’t worth sparing, and Joseph knows this is my sacrifice.”

Rook’s hand shook and she prayed that she didn’t accidentally pull the trigger. Tears clouded her vision as her stomach clenched up in knots. The look in Jacob’s eyes was wild, unhinged. It made her want to hug him, to give him an ounce of affection. Something that she was pretty sure he hadn’t received in his entire life. 

“Let go of me,” she begged. “Please.”

“Not ‘til I’m fucking dead, honey.”

“Stop it, Jacob.”

“Look at me,” he demanded. She closed her eyes and felt more tears gush down her cheeks. “Fucking look at me.”

She did. His eyes were wild and desperate, and it was the first time Rook noticed the bags underneath them. Like he hadn’t gotten sleep in God only knew how long. She’d read in the Book of Joseph about his PTSD, his nightmares. The things from his past that haunted him kept him up at night, afraid to close his eyes. 

Had they affected him in other ways, too? Had he lost some sort of will to live because of what he once was?

“Does this look like the face of someone who wants to keep on livin’, darlin’? Does it?”

Oh, that made her heart break. She’d been there before, had felt that same thing. 

“Jacob, don’t make me do this.”

“I don’t care what feelings you think you have. I’m a fucking monster, a dog someone needs to put down. It’s my destiny to die for this Project, Rook. So just do it.”

She closed her eyes and lifted her leg, her knee finding his crotch without much effort. He doubled over as he cried out in pain, but his grip fell away from the gun and she discharged the bullets from it and tossed it to the ground. 

A sob escaped her as she stared at him, watching as he leaned against the truck, still recovering from the intensity of her ball-busting. Her head spun as she tried to register what had just happened. 

“Don’t you ever, ever do that to me again, you fucking asshole.” 

“Jesus Christ, Rook,” Jacob huffed. 

“That was not fucking okay, you hear me?” she yelled, her whole body shaking as she recovered from the shock of having a gun pressed to his head. “I’m trying to limit the bloodshed, Jacob. I’m trying to do the right goddamn thing, okay? You can’t just put a gun to your head like that!” 

“You couldn’t have done it on your own,” he growled back. “You’re too fucking weak and I don’t understand why.”

There it was. Plain as day. Jacob hated weakness, and Rook was unable to kill her enemies. The one single thing she was tasked to do. 

Apparently, Jacob thought that made her weak. But she felt the opposite. She felt it made her stronger to not put bullets through people’s skulls, to have the patience to do this the right way.

“As much as John is a pain in the ass, as much as I don’t trust Faith...it doesn’t mean I’d wish death upon them. And guess what? The same thing goes for you. I don’t know why you hate yourself so much or think that you’re not worthy of living another day, but don’t you dare make me the puppet in your suicidal fantasies ever again.”

“Or what?” Jacob taunted. “You’ll kill me?”

She stared at him, her jaw gritted and her fists clenched at her sides. She watched him gather his strength back. The intensity in his eyes shifted a bit, and as he continued to breathe, to come down from whatever episode he’d just had, he looked up at her. She saw the mask slip for a brief second, saw the broken soldier crumpling under the weight of living. As quick as it was there, it was gone.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“That’s not fucking good enough.”

“I’m…”

“You’re what?”

“I have these moments, y’know. I get…” he huffed and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It actually does, Jacob.”

“My mind ain’t right, honey,” he said, looking down at her as he walked towards her slowly. “And because of that, sometimes I do some fucked up shit.”

“That was worse than some fucked up shit, Jacob.”

“I’m working on getting it fixed. I haven’t been able to refill my medications because of all this shit so it’s gotten worse. Doesn’t help that I can’t fucking sleep for shit. Joseph’s trying to help me through it without the medication.”

“What exactly are you on meds for?” It was a rude question, but he was technically her enemy. 

“Let me ask you somethin’, honey. You ever been in the military?”

“No.”

“Okay, so you don’t know what that’s like. You’re taught that you are expendable, that the only thing that matters is killing the enemy, even if that means you die in the process. Imagine living your life in a fucking desert, away from home and anything you know, watching your friends die one after the other after the other. Imagine that they haunt your fucking dreams, that you feel responsible for their deaths even though there was nothing you could do. 

“Now, imagine killing your best friend just so you can survive. You put it off for days, but finally he looks at you and tells you he ain’t gonna make it, and he knows you won’t either so he tells you to fuckin’ put a bullet in his eyes and eat his corpse so you don’t go hungry. Imagine things getting so desperate, so fuckin’ desperate that you do what he asks, and then it’s like he’s part of you somehow, and you have to carry him around with you wherever you go.”

“Jacob-”

“Now, imagine coming back to reality after all that. After being surrounded by nothing but death and sand, you come back home to your life now. Except you have nothing. You’re homeless, you’re alone. No one gives a flying fuck about you or the fact that you went somewhere and killed for them. They pass you in the street like you’re scum, like you don’t even fucking matter. And then, your family finds you. After so long without them, they find you and take care of you. Then, they tell you that the same goddamn thing is expected of you - that God chose you to give your life for His only prophet, who happens to be your little brother.”

“Jacob, I’m-”

“Your whole life, you’re taught that you are meat. You’re expendable. The only purpose in your life is to die for someone else. Picture all that, and then come back and tell me how you would go about your every day life without going fucking crazy.”

With that, he moved towards the car as if he was just going to leave her there after all that. Rook couldn’t, though. She couldn’t. 

Not after he’d broken down several walls that she was certain he built up around him for anyone other than his brothers. Something inside her told her that he had just spoken a whole lot of words that he’d never said aloud to anyone. 

She grabbed his arm and pulled him to face her. “I’m sorry.”

“It don’t matter, honey.”

“Stop.”

“You see now?”

She nodded, and before Rook could even register what she was doing, she pulled him to her and pressed her lips against his. He froze, and for a moment she worried that she’d fucked the entire thing up completely. 

After a moment, though, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her impossibly closer to him, crushing her against him like he was desperate to get as close as possible. 

He kissed her like he was a dying man, his teeth biting and his tongue searching and battling with hers as he pressed her against the car door pressed himself against her. 

Fire encompassed her entire body, drove her wild with the way that he felt against her. He wasn’t the best kisser in the universe, but she could tell that would change after a little bit of practice. Despite his not so good kissing skills, he still made her legs weak, he still made her moan into his mouth as he pressed against her and her legs wrapped around his waist. 

“Jacob,” she whispered. 

“Yeah, baby?”

Oh, she was so done for. His voice was low, gravely, deep and the pet name made her entire body shiver against him. 

“You’re sure there aren’t any cameras out here?”

He chuckled lowly against her neck. “Pretty sure. Just mine.”

Her face reddened at the thought. “Oh, fuck.”

“I can delete the footage if you want.”

“Um...”

“Or if you’re into it, I could send it over to you and you could enjoy yourself on nights when I can’t be here.”

Oh, she was so completely and utterly fucked. 

“Let’s…”

“You wanna wait?”

“Yeah.” 

He nodded and started to move away from her, but she grabbed his Army jacket and pulled his lips back to hers. The chuckle against her lips made her shiver, and as he pulled away but kept his mouth just barely touching hers, she could feel the heat in her lower tummy pooling between her legs.

“Thought you wanted to wait.”

“Doesn’t mean you gotta stop kissing me.”

“You’re treading some very dangerous waters, baby.”

“Fuck,” she whimpered. “You’re now required to call me that at all times.”

“Fine with me.”

Their lips met again and Rook couldn’t stop herself from pulling him closer, from biting and sucking on his lower lip. She wanted all of him right then and there but that would be extremely stupid and also just...not the best idea. She could wait. Waiting was a logical idea, especially after the night they’d had. 

After a few more minutes, Jacob pulled away. “You keep doing that, I won’t be able to stop.”

She whined, but agreed, and Jacob helped her ease her feet back to the ground. They stood there for a moment, catching their breath. Rook waited for him to talk, absolutely feeling like maybe she’d crossed a line or something. But he just smiled at her and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips.

“That what you wrote about in your journal that you didn’t want John to tell me about?” he asked.

“For fuck’s sake,” Rook groaned. “Do not bring that up ever again.”

“Maybe if you let me read it some time, I could make it all come true.”

The mere idea sent a thrill through her entire body. “Really?”

“Fuck yeah,” he said. “How about two days from now? I’ll bring the food this time.”

“Okay,” Rook replied. “My private channel is 045. Just so you know. But if you call me on there, just in case, pretend like you’re taunting me or some shit. ‘Cause if you call me baby on my radio while I’m with anyone from the Resistance, I won’t hear the end of it.”

“Sounds good, darlin’.”

~

Rook finished off her beer before she headed back, because she was really not in the mood to deal with John and Faith. She wasn’t sure she could look either of them in the eye after that, honestly. Plus, she was still hot and bothered as hell. It was frustrating she had roommates, otherwise she could probably get away with calling Jacob on his radio and having some sexy time over the frequency. 

Jesus Christ, she was so screwed.

“What took you so long?” John asked as she climbed back down into the bunker.

“Nothing,” Rook replied. “He was having car trouble.”

“Right. Well, surprised it took him this long to get it going. Jacob knows all about cars.”

“John?” Rook asked.

“Yes, Deputy?”

“Shut the fuck up, please.”

~

Chapter Text

“You okay, honeybunch?” Addie asked three days later as Rook strolled into 8-bit. 

“Just the usual,” Rook replied. “Exhausted, feeling really grody and disgusting, never able to get warm for some goddamn reason.”

“You look weird,” Jess observed as Rook sat down in the open chair between Sharky and Addie. 

“Yeah, well. Haven’t slept.”

It wasn’t a lie - the night after their kiss, Rook hadn’t really been able to sleep that much. Then, she got a radio call from Jacob at 1:00 in the morning, which she took outside so she didn’t wake up his siblings. She hadn’t expected what she got, which was Jacob frantic and struggling to breathe and asking her over and over if she really thought his life was worth sparing.

“Jacob, of course I think that.”

“Can you...can you just say it for me, honey?”

“Your life is worth sparing.”

He’d talked to her until the sun rose, and they both discussed how they were going to meet up for dinner with John and Faith again. He had a pretty signature truck - big, red like his fucking weapons, Eden’s Gate cross on the door. All the fixins. It would start to look suspicious if he kept showing up at the same random spot in the mountains, so they figured maybe Rook could pick him up somewhere.

That night, she waited outside of a deserted 8-bit for him. He parked the ATV he’d driven in the trees near the restaurant, and then climbed into her truck. He distracted her the entire drive, but every time they passed someone, he had to duck. 

If the Deputy was seen with some random guy in her car, that would be something to talk about. 

If she was seen with Jacob Seed in her car, that would be something she would never get to live down. Plus she would lose all the trust she’d worked so hard to build up over the last month.

Jacob had picked up some food from the bakery that the Project used, and Rook eyed it questionably for a moment before Jacob assured her that they didn't put Bliss in the food so she shouldn’t worry about eating it. He also brought another six pack with him, and thankfully it was another type of wheat beer rather than a fucking stout like Rook expected.

It was hard to keep a secret in such close living quarters, so as soon as Jacob and Rook walked down the ladder, John’s behavior changed. He instantly started asking almost invasive questions about Rook’s past, and Jacob had to keep stepping in to tell John to shut the hell up (but in a nicer, more brotherly way). Rook would’ve gladly given him a broken nose or black eye, but that would cause things to escalate rather quickly. 

They sat and ate, Rook keeping quiet while Jacob caught up with John and Faith. They talked about typical cult things - Joseph, his sermons, how the flock was doing. All things that Rook had zero fucking interest in, but she didn’t mind considering it got John and Faith’s attention off of her. 

She was grateful to have the time alone in her head to think about everything that had happened, and the fact that within a couple days of their first real meeting, Rook had already had an intense fucking make out session with the eldest Seed sibling.  

She and Jacob went out to the car once dinner was over, and Jacob pushed her up against the car and claimed her lips again. Rook wondered where the hell they could go to have sex on a bed, because she wasn’t about to fuck him for the first time in her car like they were teenagers. 

And there was no way that she was going to ask Faith and John to hang out in the car for a bit while she and Jacob fucked on her cot. That was absolutely not something she could ever ask of them. 

“There’s a cabin a few miles west,” Jacob growled against her neck, like he could read her mind. “Go get your shit. Stay with me.”

The walk back to the bunker was spent wondering how the heck she was going to even fucking explain that to her bunker companions. She felt her cheeks heat up at the mere thought, and came up with some excuse of an early hunting trip in the morning because...why? Why would she go hunting with Jacob? Better think of another one, Rook. 

What about a discussion about taking over one of the cult’s outposts? No, that was even more unbelievable than the hunting trip.

“Back so soon?” John practically sang when she came back down into the bunker.

She glared at him, grabbed her bag that was already packed, and added some clothes, her toothbrush, and deodorant. She refused to look at either of them, but knew they were watching her with smirks on their faces. 

“I’m...you guys are on your own for a bit.”

“And why’s that, Deputy?”

“Just...don’t kill each other while I’m gone.”

“When can we expect you back?” Faith asked. “We need food.”

“Yup, yeah. I’ll, um...tomorrow night.”

She turned and went back up the ladder before John could come up with something snarky to reply to her, and her whole face was burning as she closed the door behind her and pulled the wooden plank over it. 

So stupid. 

So fucking stupid.

She and Jacob drove to the cabin, Jacob staying down for most of the trip considering there were more Whitetail Militia vehicles out than usual and double the amount of Peggie patrol cars and trucks and whatever else.

Rook’s heart raced in her chest - this was such a bad idea. The others would see her the next day and just know that she’d been fucked by one of the Seeds - and Jacob was the only one who was still alive in their minds, so it was just going to be an absolute shitshow. 

But as soon as they pulled up and walked into the cabin (that thankfully had no corpses around or any sign of some sort of fight, much to Rook’s relief), all of that worry faded away when Jacob pulled her to him and kissed her like he was a drowning man desperate for air. 

Which was such a cliche way to describe it, she knew, but there was no other way to explain it. He pulled her to him and lifted her, legs wrapping around his waist as he carried her up the stairs to the bedroom on the second floor.

“This is such a bad idea,” Rook said as Jacob pressed hot, wet kisses to her neck.

“Ya want me to stop?” Jacob asked.

“No.”

Jacob just smirked up at her as he kissed her again, his teeth biting and pulling at her lower lip, his hands wandering to the hem of her shirt. He was everywhere on her all at once and at the same time, he wasn’t where she wanted him. 

All teasing touches and deep, throaty chuckles as his fingers explored her body and lifted her shirt over her head. When he tossed it away, he pulled her close to him and kissed her roughly, their teeth clacking together and their tongues battling for dominance. He’d already gotten better at it, and Rook didn’t care how good he was at it, because she knew no matter what he did, he would make her knees weak. 

He pulled her up the stairs as his lips, teeth and tongue made their way down her neck, where he pushed her against the wall and sucked a spot that she knew would leave a mark into the left side of her neck. 

“Goddamnit, Jacob,” she growled, grinding herself against him as his hips canted forward and she felt the hard press of him against her. “How the fuck am I going to hide that?”

“Don’t,” he replied. “Then everyone in Hope County will know you’re mine.”

His breath was hot against her neck and he kissed and bit lower and lower until he was on his knees in front of her, his big hands on her jeans. A look up at her to ask permission made her heart flutter and she nodded frantically, desperate for him to be right where she needed him. With the go-ahead, Jacob popped the button to her pants and pulled them off her, eyeing her panties for a moment before ripping them down the seam.

“Jesus,” Rook said with a laugh.

“Jacob,” he corrected with a smirk before he pressed his face against her and she moaned, her fingers intertwining into his short, fiery hair.

His tongue was like magic against her as he teased her, licking her folds and ignoring her clit, which was begging for attention. In an attempt to guide him, she pushed her hips forward, but Jacob wrapped his arm around her waist to stop her from moving, and held her hip in his other hand. 

“Patience, baby.”

Oh, God. Rook was doomed.

“Please, Jacob.”

“Hmm,” he hummed against her as his tongue explored her folds. “I like that. Keep goin’.”

His Georgia accent, very faint when he usually spoke, seeped into his speech and goddamnit if Rook didn’t feel herself get even wetter at the sound of it. He continued his teasing, his eyes fixated on her, waiting for her to actually fucking beg him. 

“Please, Jake,” she whined. 

“Please what?”

“You know what, just…”

“Not sure what you’re talkin’ about, baby. Gotta use your words.”

“I need…”

It was embarrassing but Rook didn’t even care. Not with the heat pooling in her lower belly and the way her whole body seemed to pulse with need to get his mouth right where she wanted it.

“What, honey? I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what you need.”

“Fuck, your tongue. I need your tongue on my clit, Jacob.”

“Good girl.”

Rook didn’t even have time to contemplate her body’s reaction to his words - or how much this entire situation reminded her of what she’d written in her journal one night - because his mouth was on her and his tongue had found her clit and was licking rough circles into it. His hand at her hip left and stroked up her thigh until he reached her center, where he twisted a single finger in and moved it in a way that hit her so fucking perfectly. 

There was no way any of this could be real. Not a fucking chance. Rook would wake up in a few minutes, desperate and aching, and have to write something down just to ease the tension inside of her. 

But no such thing happened. What did happen, though, was Jacob began sucking on her clit, moaning against her as he did so, and added a second finger to join his first inside her. 

“Fuck, Jake,” she hissed as her head snapped back and her hips forward.
She ignored the way the back of her skull collided with the wall - didn’t even notice it, really. She was too focused on him, on the way he was giving her exactly what she needed. 

“Fuck, you’re close, aren’t ya?” 

“Yeah.”

“Come on my tongue, honey.”

It was all she needed. 

The tension and the heat that had started up inside her exploded, and every nerve in her body came alive with pleasure and sang a song she’d never felt before. She couldn’t stop the moans, the cries, the way she chanted his name as her thighs closed around his head, the way her hips spasmed and thrust against his mouth. He kept going, pushing her through her peak, until she collapsed back against the wall, and he smirked up at her before standing and pressing up against her.

“You want a taste?”

She could only nod. His smile was nearly predatory as he moved his fingers from his side to her mouth. Rook swore this couldn’t be real, but as he pressed the tips of his fingers against her mouth and she opened to accept them, she knew it was. She sucked on his fingers, licking them clean while her eyes remained on his. Pupils blown wide with his own lust, she felt it hard against her hip and watched as his mouth opened in a groan as he pushed the fingers just a bit further down her throat - a test. Which, by the sounds of it, she aced.

“Fuck, you’re so gorgeous when you come, baby girl.”

She smiled, his fingers still in his mouth. Before she could even speak to say something back to him, he pulled his fingers from her mouth and his lips were on hers. He started backing her up and she didn’t even care where they were going, and didn’t know, either until the backs of her knees hit the bed. He pushed her a bit to lie down, and he slotted himself between her thighs, his lips never leaving hers until she pulled at his Army jacket, and then at the t-shirt under it.

“Take it off,” Rook said with a smile.

“Let’s leave it on.”

Rook frowned. “Why?”

“It’s not pretty under there.”

“I don’t care.”

It took a little more convincing, but she finally got him to concede. As soon as the skin was exposed to her, she ran her fingers over the scars and burn marks she found there. His skin was like a canvas of all the battles he’d fought, and she fought the urge to be disgustingly fucking poetic and kiss and touch each one with almost a sort of reverence. 

They weren’t in love, she reminded herself. This was nothing more than fucking, nothing more than an animalistic need. He didn’t need to be taken care of and she didn’t need to take care of him. In fact, taking care of him was the last fucking thing she needed. 

Her fingers found the small carving of the word ‘wrath’ on his right shoulder and traced it lightly, not expecting to see a sin carved into him like it was on John and Joseph.

“See?” Jacob said after a moment. “Not pretty.”

Rook shook her head. “It’s perfectly you.”

The words were too intimate and she didn’t want to ruin the mood, so after they slipped from her mouth without her control, she pulled on his dog tags and brought him down for a kiss. Her fingers danced up his chest to down his arms, where they found themselves at his belt. Fumbling, graceless as all hell and a lot less smooth than she’d been in her fantasies, she tried to unfasten the belt with very little luck. Jacob chuckled and pulled away, helping her with it until she could pop the button on his jeans and pull them down his legs. 

Of course Jacob fucking Seed was one to go commando, so his cock sprang free as soon as his jeans were gone. Rook looked at it for a moment, completely proportionate and even a little bigger than she’d thought, before she began to stroke it. The head was already dripping with precum, and all she wanted to do was taste it. So, with whatever courage she still had, she pushed him by the shoulder to lie down. Shockingly, he complied. 

Rook took her time with his body, kissing and licking and biting her way down to his cock the same way he’d done with her. She relished in each reaction she drew from him, whether it was a hitch in breath or an actual groan. She glanced up at him to see his eyes hooded but fixed on her, watching her every move like the predator he was. 

Rook thought about making him beg, but knew that would take too much convincing and too much work. 

“Whaddya want, baby?” He asked her, a smirk on his face.

“Your cock in my mouth,” she replied, smiling as he groaned. 

He wrapped his hand around to push the back of her head close to his member and Rook set to work, immediately licking the head, causing him to moan as his fingers moved to her face, gently stroking her cheek. 

“Keep goin’, baby.” 

Rook took it in her hand as she kept licking, moving into an upright position so she could get a good angle. She moved her eyes up to his face to find his eyes fixated on her every single move. 

Predator, her mind screamed. 

She didn’t give a fuck. 

She’d be his prey any day of the week if it meant he would look at her like that. 

“Holy fuck, Rook,” he whispered, moving to pull her hair away from her face so he could look at her. 

She kept her eyes on his as she engulfed his cock with her mouth and he let out a loud moan, followed by a string of “fuck”s at the unexpected move. She moaned gently against him as she started sucking. 

“Fuck, that’s so good.” 

The heat inside of her was back as she listened to his blissed out voice. A shiver rushed through her at the praise, and he smirked down at her in a way to tell her he’d filed that one away for later. 

God, she was fucked. So fucked. Metaphorically, and in a few more minutes, physically too. 

There was not a single part of any of this that was a good idea, but Rook didn’t even care. She just wanted his cock inside of her, whether it was her mouth, her ass or her cunt. She’d never felt such heat inside herself before, never felt so driven by the need that threatened to overwhelm her.

After a few more minutes he pulled her hair and muttered her name, telling her to stop before he cupped her chin and brought her mouth back to his. 

“I wanna fuck you,” he muttered against her lips. Electricity shot through her and she let out a whimper against his lips. “You want me to fuck you, baby?” 

“Fuck yes,” she growled. 

Without warning, he flipped them so his hips were bracketed between her thighs again and his cock pressed against her entrance. She whimpered as he teased her clit with the head of his shaft a few times before he pressed into her heat.

“Fuck, you’re tight,” he growled as he slowly entered her, not wanting to hurt her. 

“Jake,” she whined, sounding desperate to her own ears. 

Her hips canted forward on their own accord, as if her body was acting on autopilot, desperate to be filled completely and consumed by him. 

A litany of curses left his mouth as he continued to push gently inside her until he’d pushed in completely. His face splashed with a look of concentration, he waited for a moment, eyes meeting hers, for her to give the signal that he could start moving. 

She wrapped her legs around his hips and pulled him in even deeper, and her lips found his ear where she growled “fuck me, Jake. Fuck me.”

With that, all semblance of control for either of them was completely gone. He thrust into her hard and rough, hitting the right spot over and over until her entire body was on the edge. The only sound that filled the still cabin was their moans and the slap of his skin against hers, and Rook felt herself grow even wetter with the heat that rose to her cheeks at the noise. 

His fingers found her clit somehow, as he kept up his brutal pace. “Come on my cock, baby. Come on my cock.”

“Oh, fuck,” Rook moaned. “Fuck, I’m-I’m so close. Oh, fuck.”

“That’s a good girl,” Jacob groaned. “Goddamnit, I can feel how close you are.”

“I’m gonna, oh, oh fuck, daddy I’m gonna come.”

The title had slipped her mouth accidentally but she barely even registered it as fireworks exploded behind her eyelids as she screamed his name, hips canting up to meet his rough thrusts and nails scratching brutally down his back. Never in her life had it felt so fucking good, and she wanted nothing more than to make it last forever. Her walls fluttered around him and before she knew it, his hips lost any type of control that they may have had and he growled her name as he bit at her neck, spilling inside of her. 

They lay in a panting, sweaty heap for a moment as they both recovered from their highs, and when Jacob pulled away from her, he glanced down at her cunt that was now dripping with his seed. 

“You on birth control?” he asked, his voice not even panicked.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

“Fuck, honey.”

He collapsed next to her, still sweaty and panting. She chuckled and rolled over to look at him, to watch him come down back to reality from the high they’d both been on. His eyes met hers and a smile crossed his lips. 

“So, ‘daddy’, huh?”

Rook’s face grew red hot and she buried her head in her hand with a groan. “If you ever tell anyone, I’ll rip your fucking tongue out and feed it to your wolves.”

“Deal.”

~

Chapter Text

The next morning, Rook awoke alone, which she had expected. Jacob wasn’t much of an affectionate man, and absolutely not the type to wake her with breakfast in bed. That was completely fine with her. He did, however, leave a note for her to let her know he had work to do (which meant culling the herd and killing innocents, probably. And Rook did not want to think about that) but he mentioned that they should talk on the radio to find another night for him to see Faith and John. 

She was sore as she made her way into the shower before she changed and walked out the door, but it was a nice type of sore. A sore that reminded her about the night before, about the fact that Jacob somehow already knew the majority of the fantasies she’d written about in her journal. 

Rook tried not to think about how super messed up it was that she’d just had sex with someone who, the other night, had forced her to hold her loaded gun to his head. It was not a healthy thing for her to do, she knew. 

But it wasn’t like they were dating or she was stuck with all the emotional labor that would come with dating someone as broken as Jacob. It was just sex, and at the end of all of this, she would turn him in with his brothers and sister and bring them all to justice. If he didn’t somehow trick her into killing him.

She glanced around as she walked outside to her car, unsure and hopeful that Eli and his Militia did not have cameras in the area. If they did, they would’ve seen Rook and Jacob go into a cabin together and spend the entire night there. She could just imagine what the Resistance would think if they saw the footage. Rook would be 100% completely and utterly screwed if that happened.

About to drive over to the Ranger Station, she forgot what Addie, Sharky and Hurk had promised her the day before. She had the whole day off. She radioed them to let them know she was “sick” on the public channel, and Sharky and Hurk jumped to her cover, saying something about how sick she looked when they’d seen her the other night. 

So, she drove to the F.A.N.G. Center to pick up Cheeseburger, and decided to go hunting, which she hadn’t done much of lately.

By the end of the day, she’d gotten several pronghorns, a few bucks, a caribou, and a bear that had nearly killed Cheeseburger, so she brought him back to the F.A.N.G. Center and helped them bandage him up. 

She also traded the meat and the furs from her hunt and got a nice bit of cash, which she used to purchase a new sniper rifle that she needed desperately. She was so tired of using the one she’d stolen off a Peggie in John’s region, and had her eye on a particular one. 

A productive day to say the least. The chatter on the radio had been silent for the most part, and she figured Sharky, Addie and Hurk would do some sort of damage (hopefully). 

She made it to Audrey’s and bought some burgers (and one veggie burger) for her companions that were in her bunker, and spent most of the drive back to the bunker mulling over how she was going to even look John and Faith in the eye after everything that had happened. 

John would no doubt have a knowing look on his face, that would probably have a bit of smugness to it. Faith would smile and probably act all day-dreamy about the fact that maybe Rook and Jacob would get married and they could become a happy family. Which would never, ever happen because the entire world would have to end before Rook would even consider an actual, real, romantic relationship with Jacob Seed. He was purely there for fulfilling her lust, and that was it.

When she arrived back at the bunker, she took a deep breath before she opened up the door and climbed down the ladder. John and Faith barely even acknowledged her presence for a moment, and Rook worried that she’d upset them somehow. Maybe they were mad at her for fucking their brother? Or maybe she fucked something else up. Who knew, but they both seemed a bit more moody than normal.

“Are you two gonna eat?” she asked. “What’s got you all mopey?”

“John and I got into an argument,” Faith replied as she stood. 

“About what?”

“Faith seems to believe that this whole thing is going to end well,” John said as he stood and made his own way over to the table. “But I highly doubt you saved us for any other reason than something selfish.”

“Wow,” Rook replied, dryly. “That’s a rough fucking assumption, John.”

“I think he’s cranky that you had sex with Jacob and not him,” Faith said, a snarky look on her face as John sat down. 

Rook’s eyes widened and she let out a sigh, horrified at what Faith may have just revealed. She had no way of knowing if Faith was telling the truth, or just trying to make John feel stupid, but yikes. 

It was clearly a mistake for her to get involved with Jacob at all, and clearly a mistake to think that this fucked up domestic situation they were dealing with was anything at all but her keeping them prisoner until this war ended and then they were sent to prison. 

On her day off, Rook was not keen on touching any of this with a ten foot pole. 

“That’s…” Rook wasn’t even sure what the fuck she was expected to say to that. “I’m...sorry?”

“That’s not the problem, Faith,” John hissed through gritted teeth. “The problem is how you seem to enjoy ignorance rather than facing the truth that Rook has plans of either using us to make a deal with Joseph, or she’s planning on arresting all of us when this is over and breaking up our family anyway.”

Rook’s eyes narrowed as she looked at John. How would he know her plan? She had never written it down, and the only other person in the world that knew about it was Jacob. She knew that they hadn’t been alone so there was no way Jacob could have told them her plan anyway. 

“That’s not my plan,” Rook replied. “I don’t have a fucking plan. I saved you because I couldn’t kill you, and as embarrassing as that is, there’s nothing more to it. I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.”

Rook felt rage rising deep within her, and she couldn’t stop it if she tried. She was exhausted. While she was lying, right to their faces, it made her angry that they would assume that she was just a selfish cunt who only spared them because she was selfish. 

She’d saved them because of what was right. She saved them because she didn’t want to kill them, and the plan came later. She hadn’t known what the fuck to do with John, initially, and it took her a while to hatch her plan.

“Don’t you, though?” John growled.

“This is probably the most stupid thing I’ve ever done, John,” Rook replied. “I was an idiot who thought maybe you guys don’t deserve to die. And then I got stuck taking care of you, hiding the fact that you aren’t dead from my friends, and I know that if they ever find out, my head will be on a fucking spike outside the Hope County Jail for the entire county to see.”

“You’re lying to your friends?” John asked, intrigued. “The friends that trust you with their lives? That hope you’re going to do the right thing and save them from us?”

Fucking fuck, what was with her tendancy to overshare to the wrong people? 

Rook let out a breath as her brain went into overdrive. 

What was John trying to do here? What had he been plotting since the day he woke up to her eating cereal and watching him, his hands cuffed to the bed and his anger way more intense than it usually was (which was saying something)? What had gone through his mind, and what had made him so cooperative? And why was he pulling all of this out now?

Fucking breathe, she reminded herself. She took a deep breath in and out before she answered him.

“I’m trying to limit the bloodshed here.”

“So, let me get this straight,” John said, his tone mocking and cruel. “You want to save your friends, but you somehow want to save us as well. So you’re just...trying to save the entire world over here, aren’t you?”

Well, that sounded stupid and naive as all hell, but he was right. That’s exactly what Rook was trying to do. She was trying to do something to bring peace rather than destruction. There were a lot of cool things she wanted to try before the world ended, so if she could keep that off for a few years, that’d be great.

“I’m doing the best I can,” she hissed.

“No, you’re not,” John scoffed. “Your best, in our opinion, would be to lay down your guns and weapons and join us. Your best, according to your friends, would probably be to kill us all instead of being a coward and keeping us locked up like we’ll be the death of you.”

“You will be the death of me if this gets out!” Rook yelled. “I’m trying my best, and fuck you for saying otherwise. You weren’t on the front lines, you weren’t fighting every single day when I was in Holland Valley. You were just worried about your shitty brother kicking you out of this godforsaken cult, you didn’t see the fucking carnage that resulted from the four of you being here!”

Silence filled the bunker and Rook immediately regretted what she’d said. Not that she didn’t think Eden’s Gate was a cult (because it absolutely was) and not that she didn’t think Joseph wasn’t shitty (because he absolutely was), but vocalizing it to his baby brother in a small space was probably not the best option.

Plus, John looked fucking sad, and Rook didn’t know why, but it reminded her of seeing Boomer looking all depressed after his owners had been killed. Goddamn her and her stupid bleeding heart. 

“I’m sorry,” she said with a sigh. “That was fucked up.”

“If I could, I would wrap my fingers around your pretty little neck and press until you stopped breathing.”

Jesus Christ. 

John Overdramatic Seed? Or John Serial Killer Seed? Or both? 

Both, she decided instantly. Both were good descriptions for the youngest Seed brother. 

“Look, here’s your food. I’m leaving.” 

A walk would clear her mind, she figured. A walk in the woods would calm her down and probably calm John down, too. She left them there without a glance back, and started on her little calming walk journey with her bag full, just in case she didn’t feel like returning that night. 

So, she walked, and walked, and walked. 

Until she found herself back at the cabin she and Jacob had stayed in the night before. Deciding to bunk there for the night, to avoid any more arguments with the Seed siblings, she hauled her ass inside and took a shower while she fucking cried.

Rook wasn’t the type to cry, or to allow herself any sort of self-pitying indulgence - not since all this shit had blown up, at least. She’d gotten a little weepy during whatever Jacob’s episode of psychosis was, but she hadn’t had a real breakdown type of sob session since...she couldn’t remember when.

There hadn’t been any time to cry - someone was always on the radio and whatever they needed was always urgent. She couldn’t just stop and sit down and cry like a baby until she felt better. So, she'd bottled every single thing up from the past month and a half. 

As she showered in the cabin, she let it all flood out of her. She let all of the anger, resentment, anxiety, stress, pain, anguish and horror at what had occurred in Hope County since her arrival flow out with each sob that escaped her throat. 

She mourned her old cabin that she’d bought when she came to town. All the memories that she lost since the Peggies burned it to ashes. Then there were the very annoying and fucking complicated feelings she had for Jacob, and how much she hated him for what he’d done to Staci (whatever it was), and then her self-hatred for not being strong enough to kill her enemies bubbled to the surface, too. 

This was all her fault, really. She’d forced herself into this situation, just like she’d forced herself into the situation with Jacob, which was going to become much more complicated pretty soon if she didn’t do something about it. 

Jacob Seed was a fucked up person with a fucked up brain, and there was no way in hell any sort of anything with him was healthy. But Rook still wanted to peel back all his layers, to get to know him in a way no one else knew him, other than maybe his brothers. 

She wanted to understand what had happened to him, not just from the stories in Joseph’s book but through Jacob’s tellings of them. She knew he didn’t sleep, had noticed that he’d gotten up out of bed the night before and moved to sit in a chair near the window after tossing and turning for a few hours. 

She wanted to know him and that scared the shit out of her.

Once the tears settled down, she got out of the shower and did what she used to do as a teenager - she sat on the edge of the bed, still wrapped in her towel, and stared ahead of herself blankly. 

Memories of the last month and a half played over and over on a loop - the amount of blood she’d spilled, the blood others around her had spilled, the way the Peggies despised her very existence and said things about wanting to rip her heart out or tear her apart. Every single thing that she thought of when the words Hope County came to her brain were bad. 

Except for Jacob, which was a whole other thing she did not feel like diving into at the moment.

She got ready for bed and crawled under the covers, her entire body exhausted from both the crying and the whole day spent hunting. 

It was around 2:30 in the morning that her eyes snapped open as she heard movement down on the first floor of the cabin. She reached for her gun and pulled a shirt and underwear on before she tiptoed towards the stairs, terrified of who could be down there. She prayed it was a Resistance member, and not a Peggie who would gladly shoot her face clean off at first sight while screaming some dramatic shit like “for the Father!” 

From her place at the top of the stairs, she could see a light was on in the kitchen, and heard grumbling and heavy footfalls as the intruder moved around. 

Rook bit her lip hard enough to draw blood before she moved forward, down the stairs as carefully as she could. 

Of course, she couldn’t get a single fucking night of sleep without someone trying to invade her space - whether it be John, who had loomed over her bed once when he couldn’t sleep and scared the fucking shit out of her when she woke up to see those baby blues staring down at her. Or Faith, who had a tendency to pull Rook’s blankets back up to her chin every time Rook managed to kick them to the bottom of her cot. She wasn’t sure which was fucking creepier, honestly. 

Plus, there had always been the issues of Peggies finding her while she slept, which had happened a lot during the first two weeks after the helicopter crash, before she found the bunker. 

It was exhausting and she was sick of it. Whoever this fucker was who had decided to disturb her in her sanctuary of peace, they were going to pay for it. 

She made it to the wall that divided the kitchen from the living room, and took a steading breath before she held her shotgun at the ready, pointed towards the intruder. 

“You take one more step and I’ll blow your fucking head off.”

It took her eyes a moment to adjust to the light, but she was furious when she heard chuckling. When she finally blinked back into reality, she saw Jacob standing there with a sandwich in one hand, the other hand in the air in a gesture of surrender, and an amused expression on his face. 

“Put the gun down, baby.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Rook breathed as she unloaded the gun and set it against the counter. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“You think this is your home now or something?”

“No,” she replied. “I just...I needed somewhere to sleep.”

“You do know you have a nice little bunker set up for yourself, don’t you?”

Rook sighed. “Yeah, well, your siblings and I had a...bit of a spat and I left.”

Jacob raised an eyebrow and sat down at the island in the middle of the kitchen, taking a large bite out of his sandwich as he gestured with his free hand for Rook to take a seat in the other barstool next to him.

“What’d you fight about?”

Did Rook really want to talk to him about this? She didn’t, not in the slightest, but she figured there wouldn’t be in any harm in it.

“I guess Faith and John had been fighting, and then John started accusing me of just using them to get to Joseph or like I was keeping them there to bring them to justice, which pissed me the fuck off.”

“Isn’t that exactly what you’re doing?”

“Well, that wasn’t why I saved them originally!” Rook defended. “Look, I didn’t want to kill them when I saved them, that’s why I did it. I didn’t exactly have a plan until a little later.”

“Okay, but you’re still doing exactly what John thinks you’re going to do.”

“Don’t you all fucking deserve it?”

“Do you think we do?”

“I…”

What exactly did Rook think? 

She’d grown to enjoy their company over the last few weeks, and while John was a nosy motherfucker and Faith had a tendency to be way too much of an optimist, she’d still grown to like the company. John and Faith knew her better than any of her friends did at the moment (John especially considering the fact he’d read her entire journal), and she felt like she wasn’t hiding anything (aside from the fact that she planned to arrest them when all this was over) when she was with them. 

Somehow, over the last few weeks, their presence had gotten easier to bear than that of her so-called “friends,” and that kind of bummed Rook the fuck out. 

“Well?”

“I don’t fucking know, Jacob, okay?”

“If you laid down your weapons, if you joined us, you wouldn’t have to worry about all this anymore.”

She fixed him a cold, hard look. “I’m not doing that.”

It sounded good, though, which Rook couldn’t even think about because that would be a type of betrayal she could never come back from in terms of her friends. 

She’d always understood why people joined cults - the promise of a better life, the idea of not having a shitty office job or doing something you hated forever? Sign her the fuck up. But the whole brainwashing part and the other part of it being inherently evil was pretty bad, so while she understood, she also knew to stay the fuck away.

Plus, how would the followers even react to her presence if she followed Jacob’s advice and joined them? Wouldn’t they be fucking pissed at her for killing a shit ton of their friends and loved ones? Wouldn’t they want her head more than they’d want her there, in the presence of their holy-as-all-hell Father? 

She didn’t know what would happen if she decided to join, but she knew that it would be bad and wasn’t even an option, despite the fact that maybe she and Jacob could actually have a relationship...nope, nope. 

Nothing was worth laying down her guns and joining a cult that had killed innocent people, kidnapped and tortured them, stolen things from everyone around the county. Not even a relationship with Jacob Seed. 

Plus, a real relationship with him would be an actual nightmare - not something that she would be willing to deal with. At least, that’s what she had to tell herself. 

He shoved the last bit of sandwich in his mouth and chewed for a moment, leaving them in a somewhat uncomfortable silence as Rook waited to hear what he was going to say. 

“Your friends, they’re only your friends for one reason. If you joined the Project, they’d make you enemy number one and they’d murder you the moment they found you. You do know that, right?”

She sighed. “They’re not terrible people.”

“No, they’re not - I agree. But they’re not innocent either, Rook. They use you like you’re a tool. You weren’t a killer before all of this and Roosevelt put a fucking pistol in your hand and sent you back out into the world with one purpose. The minute you helped your friends, they started turning you into a perfect little soldier to fight the battles they should be fighting for themselves. You see that, don’t you?”

“Oh, and what would you do if I joined the Project, huh?” Rook asked, annoyance dripping from her tone. “Starve me, beat the shit out of me, put me in a cage and brainwash me into your own perfect little soldier? That’s what you do, isn’t it? How is that any different, Jacob?”

Jacob looked almost taken aback by what she said, but his expression changed back to neutral with a blink of her eyes. “You know, shit’s different for those who join willingly?”

“Is it? You don’t torture the shit out of them? You don’t make them sacrifice something, like a family member or a friend or a partner?”

“You made your sacrifice already and you don’t even know it.”

“What was my sacrifice, then?”

“You killed,” Jacob said simply. “I know that wasn’t something you ever wanted to do, but you destroyed the part of yourself that would’ve held you back, would’ve made you weak in this fight.”

She let out a sigh and stood to go to the fridge and see what was in there. A midnight snack sounded fucking great, and she hadn’t been eating enough as it was - her body had grown much too skinny since the helicopter crash, and she was frustrated beyond belief at how different her reflection looked in the mirror. 

“You don’t know shit about me, Jacob.”

“I know that you’re fucking scared right now. I know that you feel like your friends would be devastated if you turned your back on them. Sure, they would. But not because you’re their friend.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Rook said as she found some ice cream in the freezer and grabbed a spoon from one of the drawers before she headed back to sit down. “Sharky, Addie and Hurk are my real friends.”

“Why don’t you ask them, hypothetically, what they would do if you turned on them? Then see if they’re your friends.”

“Okay, well, hypothetically, what would you do if I turned on you?”

Jacob looked at her for a moment, thoughtful. She searched his eyes for his emotions, to see what that question brought up within him. He kept his face stoic, unfeeling, but his eyes gave something away. Something like sadness or sorrow at the mere thought of her turning on him and leaving him behind forever. 

“What if I took this gun and put it to your head and told you I’d killed John and Faith? How the fuck would that feel?”

“I don’t care about dying, honey.”

“Right, I get it. You’re not afraid of death or anything. But what if-”

“I never said I wasn’t afraid.”

“Not caring is the same goddamn thing when you’re talking about dying.”

He looked at her with an expression she couldn’t read, and in all honesty, Rook wasn’t sure she wanted to understand it or know what he was thinking. He studied her face and she crossed her arms, feeling as though he was scrutinizing her or somehow reading her mind (which seemed like a super power that he had at this point). 

“It’s not the same thing. I don’t care if I die, but I don’t know what the hell happens after and isn’t that in and of itself a fucking scary thought, honey?”

She let out a sigh. 

“Okay.”

“But if you killed my siblings,” he said, letting out a low whistle and shaking his head. “I wouldn’t feel anything but rage and I have the feeling that I wouldn’t remember what I would do to you in return for destroying everything I’ve ever cared about.”

Jesus fucking Christ. Rook’s eyes went wide and she stood, unsure what she was supposed to say to that. 

“I’m tired,” she muttered, lamely. She was done with the conversation and just wanted to rest.

“So, you were getting some sleep in my house then, huh?”

“This is your house?”

“You didn’t actually think I lived at the Veteran’s Center, did ya, honey?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. You’re there all the time.”

“If I lived there, that’d be a fucking nightmare.”

She agreed, honestly. That place seemed like a torture chamber, and it was a miracle he could even stand to be there. Without anything else to say, she started back towards the stairs to go back to bed.

He followed her, even took her gun up so she could keep it at her side of the bed. While Jacob Seed may own the house and that would keep the Peggies away, it didn’t mean the Resistance wouldn’t try something if they didn’t know who it belonged to (or even if they did).

“Do the Whitetails know you live here?” 

“Not sure, honey. I don’t know what kind of intel they have.”

“Don’t you worry about it?” Rook asked. “I mean, they could come in here while you’re asleep and-”

“I don’t sleep too much, so I don’t gotta worry about that.”

Rook didn’t push, didn’t want to delve into whatever trauma Jacob clearly had that kept him awake at night. 

Well, that wasn’t exactly true - Rook absolutely wanted to know every little fucking detail Jacob was willing to divulge to her, and she wanted to see how many walls of his she could break down. 

However, the rational part of her brain knew that once she started to learn about him, she wouldn’t want to stop. And that would cause a huge fucking problem for her. It was better to keep it strictly sexual and try not to involve feelings, as much as she could avoid it. 

“Oh,” was all that came out of her lame mouth, which was stupid and embarrassing and made her just want to die.

“Are you really tired?” Jacob asked.

Rook knew it was a way of asking if she wanted to fuck, to which the answer was obviously yes, but she was tired too. Exhausted, actually. And when she chewed on her lip and didn’t look at him, he shrugged and got under the covers. 

“It’s pretty late,” he said. 

She glanced at him with a sort of relief in her belly that he’d taken her non-verbal body language for not wanting to have sex, especially because most guys she’d slept with didn’t seem to understand it whatsoever. Her heart annoyingly skipped a fucking beat in her chest and her belly bloomed with heat, which she wished she could just get rid of. 

God, she should not be falling for Jacob fucking Seed, she absolutely should not be falling for him. And for some reason, it was as if she’d already fucking jumped and made the dumbest mistake ever.

“‘Night, honey,” Jacob said as he shut off the light when she got into her side of the bed.

She slept for about an hour before she woke up to Jacob’s massive body thrashing beside her while he let out odd noises that sounded like muffled yells. She sat up and put her hand on his shoulder, muttering his name, but he didn’t even seem to hear her. He shouted some sort of garbled version of what sounded like orders before he started thrashing again - kicking his legs while his face scrunched up in what looked like pain.

“Jacob,” Rook said, her voice filled with sleepiness. “Jake, it’s just a dream.”

His fist flew out in her direction and she ducked, but not in the most graceful fucking way - she fell out of the bed, knocking the lamp on the bedside table down with her. The thing shattered right after she thumped to the ground, and Jacob seemed to wake up at the noise, looking around frantically.

“Rook?” he asked, his voice panicked. “Rook. Fuck. Are you-”

“I’m fine,” Rook replied from the floor before she stood. “Just hit my ass a bit too hard.”

She let out half a laugh, the rest of it dying in her throat as she saw the look on his face. His normally cool and calm face had become an expression of panic. As if he was terrified that he’d hurt her, which didn’t make much sense. 

“Fuck.”

He buried his head in his hands, his elbows resting on his bent knees. She climbed back onto the bed and pressed kisses into his bare shoulders, her fingers running down his scarred skin as she tried to calm him down, to make him realize that she was fine, he hadn’t hurt her at all. Nothing she did made him budge, and when she pulled at his arm, he gently pushed her away.

“This was a bad idea,” he grumbled. “I’ll go sleep downstairs.”

“Jacob,” Rook replied. “Don’t.”

“I almost punched you in the face,” Jacob growled, his eyes on fire as he looked at her. “I could’ve hurt you and I don’t want to do that so I’ll be downstairs.”

“Jacob-”

“I’m fine.”

He shrugged her off and went down the stairs, muttering under his breath. Rook wanted to follow him, but she figured it would only make things worse. She let out a sigh as she collapsed back onto the mattress and curled up on her side, but she didn’t sleep. She watched the sun rise and let out a sigh before she went downstairs. 

Jacob had made her some coffee and some bacon and eggs, and also left her a note that just read ‘sorry. -JS’. She sighed, ate the bacon and eggs, chugged the coffee and got the hell out of there. She needed to get some shit done, and she needed to make sure that the Whitetail Militia saw her on their cameras actually doing something other than hunting and fucking around. 

So, when she told everyone at 8-bit that she just hadn’t gotten enough sleep, it wasn’t exactly a lie. But, she could feel everyone’s harsh gazes as they watched her. It was exhausting, dealing with them. Rook let out a sigh and stood to go get a beer before she sat back down, and the silence in the room continued. 

“I know you weren’t feeling well the other day,” Jess said. There was some sort of sarcasm or criticism in her voice, as if she knew it was completely bullshit. “Feeling any better?”

“Not really,” Rook replied. “Feeling worse, actually.”

“Worse?” Addie asked. “What happened, honeybunch?”

Ugh. Oh God. What hadn’t happened? She was fighting with John and Faith, she’d seen a very vulnerable side to Jacob earlier that morning, and she was sore from blowing up some trucks on the road and getting a bit too close to the explosion, causing her to be thrown back and land against the rough fucking pavement of the road. She was tired, drained, and really wishing she could just join the cult already because this shit was getting tiring.

“Just...haven’t gotten much sleep. At all. Plus my throat and head hurt.”

“The Whitetails reach out to you yet?” Jess asked.

“No. Why?”

She shrugged but said nothing else, and Rook didn’t push it because she didn’t want to know whether or not that was a bad sign. If they’d seen any of the footage of what she’d been doing lately, she was fucked. So fucked. She couldn’t even think about it. 

“Well, we know of at least three other outposts you could take,” Grace said. “Maybe you could do that instead of lounging around all day like a queen.”

“Y’all are bein’ so rude right now,” Hurk said. “She’s sick. I mean, look at her. She’s allowed to have some rest.”

“We’re all sick, Hurk,” Grace replied back. “Sick of the cult’s bullshit.”

In that moment, Rook made the decision that she would 100% take John’s taunting assholery over the current topics of conversation any day. Ideally, she could just busy herself with getting fucked raw by Jacob again, but that wasn’t an option at the moment either. All she could do was sit there and listen to them grumble and complain about the fact that she took one goddamn day off. 

So she sat, she listened. She understood, if she was completely honest. She knew things were difficult for them and that she was some sort of light in dark times for them, but they didn’t seem to see her as a person anymore. Jacob’s words echoed in her head, about being their perfect little soldier and how they had manipulated her into something that she had no desire to be. 

Everyone, aside from Addie, left after an hour or two. Rook had expected her to leave but when she turned around with a fresh beer in her hand, she was surprised to see her. The older woman had a look on her face and Rook sensed she knew something, which made Rook’s stomach become a mess of knots and anxiety. 

“What’s up, Addie?”

“I should be askin’ you that, honeybunch.”

Rook let out a sigh and took a seat across from Addie. The older woman had to know about either her and Jacob, or the fact that she hadn’t killed John and Faith. Either way, it wasn’t going to be good, and she realized she would have an answer to what Jacob had told her to ask hypothetically. Except it wasn’t hypothetical anymore, not with the way that the older woman was looking at her. 

“The others might be a little more distracted not to notice, but there’s a huge hickey on the side of your neck.”

Fuck. Fucking fuck fuck FUCK.

“It’s a bruise. This Peggie tried to choke me and-”

Addie raised an eyebrow before interrupting. “You don’t gotta lie to me, sweetie. Something’s going on with you and I wanna know the truth. Plus, you should know by now that I would know the difference between a hickey and a bruise from choking.”

That was true. Addie would be one to know the difference, so she was the worst one to lie to. Rook bit her lip and picked at the label on her beer bottle. What would she even say? That she had fucked Jacob Seed, that she was sheltering his siblings? That she had no intention of continuing to kill anyone. 

Whatever was going on with her and Jacob was probably noticeable. He hadn’t sent anyone after her, and he’d implied that he was not going to brainwash her and put her through the trials. So, Rook was certain the Whitetails would have noticed that, if anything. If they had no idea about her staying with Jacob for two nights or had no idea about her hideout, they would still have that whole situation to worry about. 

“I’m not here to judge, sweetie.”

“Right. But you’re part of this Resistance, and I’m sure you’re not gonna be happy about what I have to tell you.”

“Probably not,” Addie said with a laugh as she reached out to grab Rook’s hand. “But Rook, this whole world has become something that none of us understand. And you have somehow been tasked with a role that’s a fucking hard one to deal with. The others may expect some sort of God-like perfection, but I don’t.”

Rook narrowed her eyes at the older woman. “You know something.”

“I don’t know anything, sweetie. But you seem conflicted and off and you’ve got a hickey on your neck the size of Texas - and if you’re in bed with the enemy, the only ones that are alive are Jacob and Joseph. I have to believe, with your confession at the beginning of all this, that Joseph isn’t the one who put that there.”

FUCK. 

“Uh…”

“Rook, ya don’t gotta worry about me tellin’ anyone. I won’t even tell Xander, if you don’t want me to.”

“Why are you being so nice?”

Addie laughed. “You’re my friend, honeybunch. And you’ve done more for me than I could ever ask of someone who showed up to my marina as a complete stranger. You’re a good fuckin’ person, no matter who you’re fuckin’.”

Rook let out a laugh, a real laugh, which was unique after the last month and a half. Resting her head on her hand, she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Holding that part in had been difficult, and it was nice that she now had someone to go to about it. 

“There’s somethin’ else, isn’t there?”

“What, you a mind reader?” Rook asked with a laugh.

“Nah, sweetie. I’m just good at readin’ people and I can tell that while you feel good that you got that off your chest, there’s still more.”

Rook was at a crossroads, and she recognized the fork in the road. She could tell Addie that it was just the whole thing with Jacob, how it was supposed to be just sex and how it was transforming into something else that Rook was even hesitant to name. She could keep on that path, and lie to the one person out of her friends who was offering to be there for her, to stand by her and help her no matter what she’d done. 

Or, she could open up about what else was bothering her. 

She could tell Addie about the other two Seeds in her bunker, how she hadn’t been able to kill them when the time came and her weakness caused her to save them. How she realized that she could use them to gain an advantage over Joseph, and in the end arrest them and bring them to justice. It was something she didn’t want anyone else knowing than those who already knew (which, at the moment, was just her and Jacob, so long as the Whitetails didn’t have cameras near her bunker), but it was also something she wanted to get the fuck off her chest. 

“I fucked up, I think,” Rook said, her head still cradled in her hand. “When the time came to kill John, I just...I couldn’t. I had so much blood on my hands already and fuck, he just looked so desperate and sad and my heart just hurt...I couldn’t do it, so I took him to my bunker and kept him there. He’s still there. I thought I’d be able to kill Faith, I was so fucking angry about what she did to Virgil, you have no idea. I felt this white hot rage run through me when she did that, and the entire fight, I was shooting to kill. But then, she stood there and she looked broken and hurt and I just wondered what type of person she could be if Joseph hadn’t influenced her the way he did. I mean, you heard what he said in his eulogy of her. He put his faith inside her? Does that not sound like he raped her? I just...I could see the young, lost girl she was before she became this...siren.”

“So, you saved her, too?”

“She’s in my bunker, with John. Jacob found out about it, and the first day I went into the Whitetails, he confronted me. He wanted to allow me to put a bullet in his head in exchange for getting to see his siblings.”

Addie hummed thoughtfully, and Rook kept her head buried in her hands. She couldn’t look at the older woman, couldn’t deal with the fact that she’d been so weak. How could she allow two monsters to live, and task herself with taking care of them in the meantime? It was the dumbest thing she’d ever done. She wished she could go back to the station, to the time before any of them got into the helicopter, and just walk the fuck away from all of it. Rook never should have gotten involved with any of this...and it was horrible. 

“Do you have a plan of what you’re gonna do with ‘em?”

Rook nodded. “I was going to use the fact that they were alive to coerce Joseph into surrender. So that I could properly arrest all of them and bring them to justice.”

“You tried that already didn’t ya?”

“We tried it wrong,” Rook replied. “We never should have just gone into their territory like that, and we never should have just tried to take Joseph away. We only had a warrant for his arrest, but there was no way his siblings would allow him to get taken away. Nor would the followers. We did it all wrong.”

“And it’ll be different this time?”

“I don’t fucking know.”

Rook let out a sob that rushed up her throat without her even knowing it was there. Addie’s hand ran along her arm and squeezed in a reassuring way. Rook let out another sob and they just kept coming until she was fucking crying again, and not just crying alone. She was crying in front of someone whose home had been taken over by Peggies, whose helicopter had been stolen...the Peggies had done a lot of damage to Addie’s life and Rook felt so stupid to even feel anything because she’d lost nothing in comparison to the people of Hope County.

The two of them sat there for a long time, Adelaide just comforting Rook while Rook bawled her fucking eyes out. All Rook wanted to do was cuddle up with Jacob, which was absurd because ‘cuddle’ and ‘Jacob’ were not things that would ever be in the same sentence, unless someone was talking about how Jacob was NOT a cuddler. 

“I’m so sorry, honeybunch,” Addie said once Rook’s tears settled down. “Sounds like a mess.”

“It is,” Rook replied with a laugh. “It feels nice though, that you know now.”

“So, it helped a bit?”

“A bit.”

~

Chapter Text

Rook returned back to the bunker, and was surprised to see Jacob’s car parked in the little clearing. He was sitting in the driver’s seat with his head down until he noticed Rook pulling up and picked his head up to look at her. 

Her eyes were still puffy, which was embarrassing, but he didn’t seem to notice as they both exited their respective cars. Wordlessly, as Rook had turned to get the pizza boxes out of the passenger seat, Jacob touched her arm and turned her to look at him. The bags under his eyes were dark and Rook felt bad for the night before, but said nothing as she searched his eyes for what he was about to say to her. 

He said nothing, instead just leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. A sigh escaped her lips as she pulled him closer, finding deep comfort in the way his arms wrapped around her frame in a way that made her feel fucking protected. As if the rest of the world couldn’t get inside, as if he was a shield from all the things that were causing her stress. The kiss was intimate and deep and Rook felt as though he was pulling her soul from her lips. 

“What’s up?” she asked, clearing her throat as they finally pulled away.

“You look like hell,” Jacob replied.

Rook rolled her eyes. “Gee, thanks.”

“I was hoping I could make up for last night.”

“What’d you do last night?”

“Almost punched you in the fucking face,” Jacob replied. “And I think I said some fucked up shit, which I normally wouldn’t apologize for, but you look like you’ve had a rough day.”

“You think it was because of you that I had a rough day?”

“Yeah, I do.”

She laughed. “Partially. I also was too close to an explosion that I set off on the road and my entire body feels like I got run over by a truck.”

Jacob chuckled, and they made their way to the bunker. Rook hoped Jacob’s presence would calm his siblings down, and maybe make them see that she still wanted them to be happy. It wasn’t like she was a complete monster, was it? 

When she appeared, neither of them looked up to even acknowledge her presence, but when Jacob followed her, John and Faith seemed thrilled - they got up to hug him and ask him how things were going, while they completely ignored Rook. She didn’t even mind, really. It was easier for her that way. 

They sat down for the meal, and John and Faith still hadn’t said anything to Rook whatsoever, until she noticed John watching her with an amused look on his face. Ugh. She could just tell he was waiting for the opportune moment to say something, but she didn’t fucking know what and that put her on the edge.

“What?” Rook asked after a few minutes. 

“Hmm?” John asked. 

“You’ve been looking at me for the past five fucking minutes like you’re waiting for the right time to say something.”

“It’s just been a long while since I’ve seen you, my dear.”

UGH. She hated when he called her that. More than she hated the way he fucking pronounced every single syllable of the word ‘deputy.’ 

“So, you’re just staring at me because you haven’t seen me in a while?”

“Well, that. And there’s a rather large bruise on your neck.”

If Rook could, she’d throw something at him and it would wipe that little smirk from his lips. 

She wanted to glare at Jacob, to let him know that she was pissed about how visible this mark was, but she knew if she did that, John would notice and for sure say something else that she didn’t want to hear. She was not going to give anything away, especially the fact that it had been Jacob who’d left this apparently huge, mutant hickey on her neck. She hadn’t really had time to look in a mirror to even see it. 

Faith let out a giggle and Rook did not dare to even look over at Jacob to see what his reaction would be, didn’t dare to take her eyes off of John, who wore an evil little smirk on his face as if he’d just won a game or was about to make the fatal move in chess. Rook hated that fucking look, especially on him because somehow he made things seem even smugger than they would be on normal people’s faces.

“One of your people tried to choke me out the other day.”

“That’s not a choking wound, my dear.”

What was it with people who somehow knew the difference between a strangling bruise and a fucking hickey? 

What did that say about John? It said way too much, just like it said way too much about Addie, but at least Rook was okay and comfortable with that level of knowledge about Addie, especially considering she’d known how Addie was from the beginning. Rook did not like having any knowledge about John’s sex life, how he could tell the difference from a bruise from choking and a bruise from someone sucking on and biting at a neck. Even though she knew they didn’t look the same whatsoever, and she herself knew the difference between the two, it still made her fucking angry that no one else was gullible enough not to question it.

“John, leave it,” Jacob replied.

“It looks slightly painful. I’m worried about her, is all.”

Rook rolled her eyes. “Yeah right.”

“I’m shocked you think so little of me, Deputy.”

She would not risk a glance at Jacob, even though she could feel his eyes on her - which made her want to snap at him not to be so obvious, which would make things even more obvious. Goddamn this entire situation, honestly. How had Rook found herself there? She let out a breath before she fixed John a look.

“You’re right. It’s a hickey. Your oldest brother doesn’t seem to understand that sporting a hickey is cause for people to ask fucking questions.”

Jacob chuckled beside her and John’s eyes widened, his evil little smile growing even more. 

“Ah, I see. So, should we start the wedding preparations for the happy couple?”

“Is your only purpose in life to make mine a living hell?” Rook asked.

“It is, actually. Joseph told me my purposes were to help the Faithful and cleanse their sins, and also make a specific deputy’s life a living hell.”

He always had a fucking response and for some reason, that annoyed her even more. He was a lawyer before all this, she had to remind herself. Of course he was always ten steps ahead and of course he would always have something witty to say in response, no matter what she would say to him. 

But she was actually certain that Joseph had probably said something similar to John right after this started - she could just picture the shirtless preacher telling his brother that he must annoy Rook so much that her will would break down and she would just decide to join the cult so he can stop being annoying. 

She knew that he would never stop being annoying, even if she and Jacob miraculously got married. 

“Just curious, dear Rook, did my brother fulfill all the dirty fantasies you’d written about him in your journal?”

“John!” Rook gasped. “Jesus, do you ever know when to shut the fuck up?”

“Oh, trust me, my dear, I know exactly when to shut up. I shut up once I’ve had my fun.”

Rook’s cheeks were blazing with heat. “God, I should’ve fucking killed you when I had the chance.”

“Alas, you didn’t, did you?”

“Maybe I’ll fucking do it while you’re asleep tonight.”

“You won’t be spending the night in my brother’s bed, then?”

“John,” Jacob said, his tone warning his little brother. “Knock it off.”

The younger man just chuckled. “C’mon, it’s funny. Look at her face, she’s red as a tomato.”

“It’s funny to a point. Now you’re just making her feel uncomfortable. Knock it off.”

John sputtered a bit but with a very harsh glare from Jacob, he backed down. Rook hated that she relied on Jacob as a line of defense against his youngest brother’s nosiness, but she appreciated that he didn’t seem to mind. He probably knew that John thoroughly enjoyed pushing people’s buttons and getting reactions out of them, so he probably allowed it to a certain extent. 

“Well, Jacob, perhaps you should confess to your sin of lust.”

“In case you don’t remember what I fucking said the first time I had my confession and atonement, it was also the fucking last.”

“You know that isn’t how it works.”

“It is for me.”

Rook glanced at Faith, who hadn’t said much of anything since they sat down to eat. It was partially a desperate attempt to change the subject, but Rook had also noticed that the younger woman looked so sad, as if the life had been drained from her eyes. Was she starting to suffer withdrawal from the Bliss? Or was she just feeling sad that she was trapped underground in a very small space with John and the person she had tried to convert unsuccessfully? Rook watched her pick at her pizza in a very uninterested way.

“Faith?” Rook asked after a moment. “You alright?”

“Fine,” Faith replied.

“She’s been sad since you left yesterday,” John replied.

“John, I wasn’t asking you.” 

He’d sounded genuine enough but Rook was not in the mood to talk to him after his little show. She reached across the table and took Faith’s hand. 

“You don’t seem like yourself, Faith,” she said.

“I’m fine,” Faith growled, pulling her hand from Rook’s with more aggression than was necessary. “I’m getting tired of being stuck here. I miss going outside.”

“I’m sorry,” Rook replied. She let out a sigh, knowing what she was about to say was a horrible fucking idea, but she felt bad that Faith felt so caged. “What if we go outside for a walk tomorrow?”

Faith’s eyes lit up, but only a little bit - they still didn’t reach their usual sparkle. “I’d love that.”

“I’d also like to get outside for a bit,” John said. 

Rook’s eyes slid to him, narrowed, before she spoke, “fine.”

“A nice family walk, then,” he said with a smirk. “After all, I have the feeling I’ll soon have another woman to call ‘sister’.”

He was actually fucking insufferable - and that was not a word Rook used very often (if at all) but holy shit, did he fit that description perfectly.

“You say any more fucking comments like that, John, and you won’t get to go on this walk or any other walk ever,” Rook growled. “And I’ll stop bringing pizza home.”

John looked absolutely shocked and appalled at that, the threat of no pizza shutting him right up, which made Rook feel a lot better. Jacob watched the scene with an amused smirk on his face. 

“I’ll come, too,” Jacob said. “I want you to have some protection.”

John’s smirk returned and he took a breath to say something that Rook just knew was going to be about protection and the two of them fucking the other night, but Jacob seemed to sense it, too. 

He shot a glare at his baby brother before he could get a word out, and Rook did, too - a reminder of the lack of pizza that would occur if he made one more little comment about the two of them. John shut his mouth and grumbled under his breath. What a drama queen.

“Well, if the Whitetails have any cameras out here, we’re fucked,” Rook replied. “Shouldn’t we check that out first?”

Jacob shrugged and helped himself to another slice of pizza. “I’ve got a guy who's been able to get rather close to ‘em. He’s working on documenting what areas of the mountains Eli has under surveillance.”

 Rook had not expected that, and was slightly shocked that he had even done that for her. But maybe it wasn’t even for her, maybe it was to protect himself, too. It could also be to keep his siblings safe. There were a million reasons for him to have that knowledge that didn’t even have anything to do with her, which made her feel like an idiot for even thinking that in the first place.

“I knew you were stressed about it, so I figured it’d be good to put your mind at ease,” Jacob said, his blue eyes meeting hers. 

Well, okay then. 

Rook resisted the urge to smile, because she didn’t need to give that away at all. Plus, she didn’t want to think about smiling at the fact that her enemy had a guy who was getting close to the people who were supposed to be her allies. 

It was like with each passing day, her morals grew more and more questionable, and even thinking about that gave Rook a very specific type of anxiety that she feared would lead to a full-blown panic attack.

“Thanks,” Rook replied, her voice steady and calm and she hoped that he’d read it as it wasn’t that big of a deal.

“That’s quite nice of you, Jacob,” John said with another snarky smile. 

Rook could feel more annoying comments coming on, but with another look from his older brother, John shut the fuck up about it and Rook was relieved. 

The whole situation was absolutely bonkers - the fact that she was sitting at a table with John, Faith and Jacob and no one was pointing a gun at her or she wasn’t pointing a gun at them was astounding in and of itself. But the fact that they were bickering like she was part of the family was another astounding fact entirely.

After the food was finished and the dishes cleared, Jacob glanced at Rook and as she caught his eyes, she nearly felt her breath hitch at his smile. Oh, she was so screwed. His smile made her feel things, and she wasn’t supposed to feel anything other than lust towards Jacob considering the fact that they were just meant to be sleeping together and not anything else, ever, at all. It would end horrifically, there was no happy ending for either of them, let alone an ending for them together that wouldn’t be tragic as all fuck. It wasn’t worth getting any sort of feelings for him, but the smile. God, it made Rook’s knees weak. 

She walked him to his car a few hours later, after he’d kind of had a moment alone with John and Faith while Rook cleaned her gun and focused on anything but them. She also went outside, to check if there were any cameras she could find. When he came back up ready to go, Rook wondered if she would be spending the night there or with him. She hoped with him, desperate to feel him inside of her again. 

God, what kind of thought even was that? How was she desperate to have someone inside her? Rook wasn’t a romantic type - ever - let alone someone who was clingy or needy when it came to sex (who needed it, really?). With Jacob, she wanted him all the time. She thought about it way more than she should be. Every time she saw him it was like his stupid fucking smile and annoyingly nice eyes and the way he fucking laughed just...did things to her. It was fucking ridiculous, and things would go up in flames so fast if she didn’t get a hold of herself. 

“You gonna not sleep again tonight?” she asked. 

Smoothe.

“Probably,” Jacob replied. “Why?”

Ugh. Why’d he have to make her say it? That was just rude.

“I was just wondering,” she replied. 

What was this? High school? Did she really not know how to look him in the eyes and say ‘hey, Jacob, I’d really like it if you could fuck me just as good as you did the other night because I’m stressed as shit and need a good orgasm’? Was she not an adult woman with a functioning tongue?

Nope, apparently she was not. Because despite the raised eyebrow and smirk that Jacob shot her way, she just...kept glancing at him and looking away immediately. God, how stupid was she? What was he even doing to her? It was embarrassing and she suddenly didn’t blame John at all for making fun of them because it felt too goddamn obvious. Ugh. And then there was the hickey on her neck. All of this was a mess.

“You wanna not sleep with me?”

Rook laughed. “Clever.”

“I try.”

She glanced back towards the bunker, knowing she’d have to get her clothes and deal with John and Faith’s very knowing looks this time - considering the fact that they were pretty much fully aware of the situation. She could just not take her stuff, but that made Rook uneasy not to have her guns and ammo with her, just in case something crazy did actually happen.

“I gotta take the Ranger Station back tomorrow.”

“Was surprised you held off this long.”

Rook rolled her eyes. “I haven’t really gotten much sleep, plus I took the day off the other day.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Go get your shit. I’ll drive.”

Rook turned on her heel and went back towards the bunker, where she climbed back down the ladder and grabbed her already packed bag and stuffed some more clothes and underwear inside it. She ignored John and Faith’s looks the entire time, but could hear them muttering to themselves. 

“Behave while I’m gone, kids,” she said.

“You’re one to talk,” John replied, his voice sing-song, as if he was delighted that he could finally tease her without the presence of Jacob. “When all of this is over, I’ll be carving lust on you as well, for all to see.”

Rook rolled her eyes. “As if Jacob would let you.”

“He knows the way things are in the Project.”

Rook turned to look at him, her eyes glimmering with mischief. “You really think he’s gonna let you carve me up again when he does a perfectly good job of marking my sin himself?”

With that, she turned and climbed up the ladder with a smirk on her face, because she was pretty certain she left John speechless. Jacob was waiting for her by the car with a look on his face that made her almost blush - like his eyes were devouring her as she walked up to him. Damn. Rook was so fucked. 

The drive was calm and not at all spent with her kissing his neck when she could and sucking on his earlobe when she wasn’t bent down to hide if anyone was driving by. And she was absolutely not teasing him through his jeans during those points when she had to bend over to avoid anyone seeing her. Not at all.

By the time they made it to the cabin, Jacob was starting to get impatient. She could see how hard he was and as he slammed his door, stormed over to her side of the car and opened the door, grabbed her and pulled her to him, she had no complaints at all. In fact, quite the opposite if she were honest. 

She wrapped her legs around his waist as they kissed their way to the front door, hot and heated and fucking desperate. She wanted him inside her, and it was insane how much she craved him. She wondered briefly for a moment if his dick alone wouldn’t make her surrender her weapons and join the cult, but pushed that as far away as she could from her mind as he pushed her up against the wall next to the front door and bit his way down her neck.

“You see what you fucking do to me?” Jacob asked as he ground his hips against her. 

“Fuck, Jake,” she whimpered. 

She sounded wrecked already and they’d barely even done anything. God, she was so fucking screwed. It was so obvious and she should probably just slap him and take his truck and leave but she just...couldn’t. She really couldn’t. All she wanted was to be impossibly closer, with his mouth on hers while the rest of the world melted away into background noise and the only thing she felt was his lips.

They made their way up to the bed and he pinned her arms above her head once they fell on the mattress, his mouth pressing heated kisses to her neck and chest. When he reached her left nipple, she whimpered as she struggled against his grip. She wanted to touch him, too. Her fingers itched to feel his skin - but he just smirked up at her and kept his hand tight around her wrists. 

“I could do this to you forever,” he growled, his voice raspy and low, sending heat straight to Rook’s core. “Seein’ you all desperate, fuck.”

The whimper that came out of Rook’s mouth should have been embarrassing, it really should have. But it didn’t even phase her because she was so hell-bent on getting out of his grip so she could touch him and pull him closer because he just wasn’t close enough.

He teased her for what felt like an eternity before he got between her legs - and the bastard was still fully clothed, military jacket and all. Rook wanted to get his clothes off but as soon as his mouth closed over her clit, she forgot everything. His tongue teased her while he eased a finger inside of her, pushing at all the right spots and before she even knew it, she was on the edge. 

“You gonna come for me, honey?”

“Yeah.” 

“Do it.” 

The orgasm hit her hard and the growl that came out of Jacob’s throat caused it to intensify. He lapped up everything that he could as she came down from her high, his tongue teasing and causing her whole body to twitch with its touch. 

“Wish I could keep you here all day and all night and just make you scream like that over and over.”

“You should,” Rook said. “No Eden’s Gate, no soldiers to train. Just me…” Even the thought of it made her throb between her legs as Jacob sat back and admired her naked body. 

“Yeah, I should. I’d just keep ya tied up here, hot and ready and waiting for me. Edge you over and over again until you’re begging.” He mouthed his way up to her throat and pressed his lips to hers. Rook couldn’t help the content sigh that escaped her lips and tried to ignore the fact that she very much wanted exactly what he was describing to her.

“Too bad you have a fucking cult to run.”

“Too bad you have a bunch of innocent people to kill.”

“Um...that’s you.”

“That’s both of us, baby.”

Rook ignored the guilt that rose up in her stomach and instead focused on getting his goddamn shirt over his head. They wrestled with his pants together, both of their hands shaking with the intensity of their desire. When he pushed inside of her, something shifted in Rook’s universe. She wasn’t sure what...and hell, if she was being honest, she felt it the first time they’d fucked. It was like he was supposed to be there. As if they were two puzzle pieces that were meant to fit together. 

But Rook wasn’t one to believe in soulmates. Even if the feeling was more intense than it had been the last time. She couldn’t admit to it. Because that would mean giving up everything she had fought so hard for, and letting everyone down.

“You’re so fucking tight, baby.”

His dirty talk alone could make her consider giving it all up though. Just to keep hearing the filth he muttered into her ear.

“Fuck me harder, Jake. Please.”

“I like that,” he said, pulling back a bit to look down at her. “I like that a whole lot.”

So she begged him. Begged and whimpered and tried to grind her hips against his even though his hands had stopped any attempts at movement she made. It wasn’t until the embarrassingly needy “please, daddy,” slipped past her lips that he thrust into her with all the power he had, which had her moaning a “thank you” as he kept up the brutal pace. 

When he finished inside her, she wanted to remember his face forever. The total abandon, the pleasure, the way he looked so much less intense and worried and angry than he usually did. It was fucking bliss and goddamnit if Rook didn’t lie there wondering how much her friends would actually hate her if she gave up everything to be with Jacob. Addie would understand - as the older woman had put it the night Rook confided in her about the little crush she had on Jacob, “good dick makes the world a better place.”

As they came down from their high, Jacob extended his arm and pulled her close. His ragged breath tickled her hair and his fingers ran up and down her bare arm with a gentleness she didn’t know he even possessed.

“You seemed to like the idea of me keepin’ you here.”

Rook’s eyes snapped open as she stuttered to find a quick excuse. “It was hot.” 

“Yeah, but it’d be even hotter in reality.”

Ughhhh. Rook wished she even had the strength to turn around and smack him. There was no point in talking about something that couldn’t happen. 

“Sure,” was all she said back.

It seemed that Jacob picked up on her not wanting to discuss it any further, because he quieted down and continued to stroke her arm in a way that made her sleepy and happy. She liked it. She liked this whole cuddling thing. And hell, she wished she could give up and join him. 

~

Chapter Text

They didn’t sleep at all and were in the midst of fucking for the fourth time when the sun came up and Rook came with it. Jacob followed shortly after from behind her, his fingers leaving bruises on her hips that she knew would show later. Thank God it was in an area that her clothes covered. 

“Goddamnit,” she muttered as she stood, once the two of them had evened out their breathing. “We didn’t even sleep.”

“Hell no we didn’t,” Jacob replied with a smirk, trying his best to pull her back into bed with him. 

“Jake, stop,” Rook groaned. “I need to go. I’ve gotta actually do some shit today.”

“Take the fucking Ranger Station, then.”

“Trust me, I will.”

“That’ll be enough to satisfy your little friends?”

“I really don’t want to talk about this. I need to get going.”

Rook hopped in the shower and Jacob followed her, and they had shower sex because apparently they just could not get enough of each other but Rook needed to focus on work. She sure as hell was going to get the Ranger Station back, but she needed something else, too. Jacob was right about satisfying her friends - they weren’t going to be all that impressed if that was all she did.

She didn’t stay for breakfast because that felt way too intimate for her. When she got back outside, she swore under her breath at her stupidity for not bringing her goddamn truck. She didn’t want to hike all the way back to the bunker, that would take probably close to an hour with how lethargic she already was feeling. 

Plus, that early in the morning there were for sure animals out looking for prey still and she didn’t want to risk that without Cheeseburger with her. Or Jess, who seemed to have some sort of super power when it came to the animals of the wild. They always left her alone, and that included those nasty little turkey fuckers. 

So, Rook let out a sigh and made her way to the nearest road so that she could call Jess on the radio. That way, the girl would lose her skepticism of Rook and maybe help her take the Station back, too. She walked for about 20 minutes to get far away from Jacob’s house before she called Jess on the radio. Jess was up and at ‘em already, thankfully. She showed up on a four-wheeler about fifteen minutes later. 

“What’s the plan, Deputy?” she asked as Rook mounted the four-wheeler behind her. 

“Ranger Station.”

“Perfect.”

~

It took about an hour to scout and clear the Station. Thankfully, it wasn’t too heavily guarded (but it wasn’t easy, either). Rook was able to jam the alarms and Jess’s insane stealth skills made sure that the both of them went undetected. But that didn’t mean that they didn’t get a call from Dutch an hour later, while they were sorting through the supplies and some of the Whitetails had come in to set up camp. 

“Word is Jacob sent out helicopters to track your location, Deputy,” Dutch said. “Keep an eye out.”

Fucking asshole.

“That’s not good,” Jess said. “Listen, I know that the PIN-K0 Radar Station is where the cult’s been keeping all that shit. Helicopters, the planes, plus a whole lot of technology for tracking shit. Maybe we should head up there and take it out.” 

Well, shit. 

Jess had a point - the helicopters weren’t anticipated (thanks a whole fucking lot, Jake), and Rook had wanted to do more than just take the Whitetail Ranger Station so...it made sense. Rook had learned about that location a while ago - it was high up in the mountains and would be an absolute pain in the ass. Lots of grappling and hiking. Plus, it would really piss Jacob off. 

But he’d really pissed her off by sending his helicopters out to track her. What a dick move. After fucking her all night, keeping her awake…

Wait. 

Was he just fucking her to mess with her brain? Was all of this made up? All the sweet moments, the words that had come out of his mouth about wanting to keep her and satisfy her? Had all of that been a way to make her exhausted and over-tired so that she would be weaker?

Rook didn’t think so, but she had no way of knowing. Not until she took the Radar Station and saw how he reacted. All she wanted to do was lay the down and sleep for the next six weeks, but that would have to wait. 

“Good call.”

~

Rook had been right about the Radar Station. It was a hike, and by the time they reached the outskirts of it, she was sore as hell. Jess wanted to be stealthy, but Rook kind of didn’t care. She could see where any and all reinforcements would show up (unless they sent more in through the air...which seemed like a possibility). 

She called up Hurk, because if the Peggies got air back up, they’d need him to blow some of that shit into pieces. Jess and Hurk did not get along very well - mostly because their methods of combat were as different as they possibly could be. Hurk came in with explosions and laughter and loud insults, while Jess preferred to remain in the shadows. Despite their differences and struggles to get along, when they battled together, they made one hell of a fucking team.

They got the Radar Station cleared out in an hour and a half. Rook’s nagging instinct that the cult might somehow get more air support was correct and that had taken a good long while because they just kept coming. It was about 2:30pm when they were all done, and the Whitetails had sent more of their people to come take over the space and make camp. 

Rook thought that maybe she could get to the Wolf’s Den by talking nice with the Whitetails that were lower in the ranks that came to the outposts after liberation and made their camp, but that wasn’t at all the case. In fact, they all seemed quite stoic when they spoke to her, and when she asked questions about the Militia, they would say ‘I’m not at liberty to answer that, ma’am.’ 

Jess and Hurk seemed to notice it, too. It was odd - none of the citizens of Hope County had ever treated her like that. In fact, she was kind of used to a sort of star treatment - at least, that’s how it’d been in John and Faith’s region. Not that she expected everyone to bow down to her or anything, but damn the Whitetails were cold. 

“You wanna go to 8-bit?” Hurk asked. “Gotta say that gettin’ up here made me hungry as shit.”

“I could go for some beer,” Jess replied. “Rook?”

“Sure. Give me a few minutes. Need to reload my ammo and see if they have any cool new guns.”

“Still lookin’ for your soulmate in a sniper rifle, huh?” Hurk teased. 

“You know it.”

As soon as they were gone, Rook dared to turn on her radio. Immediately, Jacob’s voice came through the speaker and Rook was thankful as hell that no one was around.

“You really took the goddamn Radar Station, huh?” Jacob’s voice was taunting and had lost any of the calm and sweetness that he’d had that morning. 

“You sent fucking helicopters after me. What was I supposed to do?”

“Could ask you the same goddamn thing, honey. You wanted me to make it look difficult, there you go. Joseph commanded it.”

“So you don’t listen to anyone’s orders except your little brother’s?”

“I can’t make it look easy either, Rook.”

“9:00.”

There was a huff on the other side of the radio. “Fine.”

With that, Rook turned the radio off. She wasn’t keen on hearing Dutch’s praise, or anyone’s for that matter. Especially because she did feel shitty. Shitty, tired, angry and annoyed with herself for getting involved with Jacob in the first place. 

When they got to 8-bit, it was empty. Thankfully. Until Hurk got on his radio and let the others know they were there. Jess handed Rook a beer and Rook sighed, annoyed as all hell both at herself and at Jacob and at literally everyone in this stupid fucking county for not being able to talk things through and figure out some sort of peace agreement before she had to get involved.

When everyone else arrived, the mood shifted drastically from what it had been before. There wasn’t any moping or anger directed at her, mostly just cheers, claps on the back and everyone asking to hear the story about liberating both of the outposts. Hurk told an extremely over-dramatized version while Jess let Rook tell what she could and stayed quiet, enjoying the company and the beer as she usually did. 

“That ginger prick called you on the radio yet to taunt the shit outta you?” Sharky asked with a laugh. “Remember how John used to fucking do that shit? His sounded more like he couldn’t decide between fucking you and tearing you into pieces.”

“I haven’t had my radio on, actually,” Rook said. “Totally forgot. Let’s see.”

It wasn’t Jacob that came through the speakers though, it was Dutch. “Rook. You gotta see this. Jacob’s broadcasting a video with your fellow deputy all over the place.”

Rook’s heart dropped a thousand miles per hour in her chest. “What?”

They turned on the TV in 8-bit and Pratt’s face was there - beaten, bloody and bruised. 

“My name is Deputy Pratt, of the Hope County Sheriff's Department. And I want...I want to apologize for the pain I’ve helped inflict on the people of Eden’s Gate. I never wanted any of this to happen. I was brought here under false pre-pretenses and fed lies about Joseph Seed and his family.”

Rook wanted to scream. Bile rose up in her throat and she gulped it down with a wince. 

What the hell had she been doing? She’d saved Hudson and Whitehorse, as soon as she could...and she’d just left Pratt in Jacob’s clutches. Why? Because she was fucking Jacob and thought maybe he wouldn’t torture her colleage any more than he already had?

All of it was a fucking game, wasn’t it? All of it was his way of getting inside her head. Sure, he hadn’t chucked her in a cage and starved her and put her through the infamous trials everyone talked about. But he’d made her think he was a good person underneath all this shit...he’d made her think…

“Turn it off,” Rook said after a moment. 

“What? Rook, you need to listen to this -” 

“Turn it off!”

Her hands were shaking as she screamed at her friends, and Hurk turned the television off and silence greeted all of them. She didn’t know what to do or say, she didn’t know how to explain her emotional reaction, or why she’d left Pratt there without a single attempt to rescue him at all. 

“I gotta go.”

“Where?” Jess asked.

“Jacob put that video out to taunt me. I gotta get Pratt and make sure he’s safe.”

“Rook, you can’t just go to the Veteran’s Center,” Nick said. “It’s...I mean, it’ll be impossible to get in. You saw it yourself. You’re gonna fuckin’ die tryin’.”

“At least I’ll have tried. I can’t just leave him there.”

Rook gathered her bag and got the hell out of there before anyone could question her. 

What was she supposed to do, just sit there and wait until Jacob contacted her on her radio again and then pretend like nothing happened? No fucking way. 

She found a car that still worked on the side of the road and jumped it, and then headed straight towards the Veteran’s Center. It was nearing 6:00pm when she arrived, and she parked the car very far out to avoid detection. She moved through the woods surrounding it quietly, her bow and arrows successfully taking out any Peggie she ran into. There was no remorse in her now, no desperation to finally stop the bloodshed. 

How could she forget about what had happened to Hudson, to Whitehorse? About all the people she cared about who had been treated as if they were nothing - because that’s what the Seeds saw them as. Nothing but bait. Bait to get the Deputy in their clutches. It didn’t matter if they tortured her colleagues, they wanted to get Rook to them so they could torture her, too.

How could she have been so blind and so naive? How could she have allowed herself to be so taken with Jacob - to let him between her legs and think for a moment that that was where he belonged? As if they could have any sort of future together when he was torturing innocent people and making them lose their minds. 

She got to the gates of the Center, and she could hear a song playing so loud it was hurting her ears over the speakers. Onlyyyy youuuu can make this world seem bright. 

Rook shivered at the song choice - how fucking creepy. 

Thank God Jacob had spared her the brainwashing because clearly that was what was going on here. Seemed like he used the song to keep those he’d brainwashed in line. Hell, who knew what would’ve happened if she had tried this after being locked in his cages.

Stealth was nearly impossible because it was so heavily guarded. Before she knew it, alarms were blaring, guns were firing at her, and she was dodging bullets and Judges. 

Then, she heard it. 

The loud boom that came from a marksman’s sniper rifle, that could only belong to Jacob. The bullet didn’t hit her but the sound caught her attention and she reeled around just as he tackled her to the ground. 

She wrestled against him, as if she could do anything against his muscles and his manpower. He was skilled at this type of shit, so it took him almost no effort to get her on her stomach with her hands behind her back, pinned there with just one of his own. His other hand was against her calves, pinning them down so she didn’t try anything there.

“What the fuck are you doin’?” Jacob growled in her ear as the Chosen shouted commands about backing down and stated that Brother Jacob had the sinner under his control now. 

“I’m here for Staci. You really think you could just distract me so much that I forgot about him?”

“That wasn’t my goal here, honey.”

“Whatever.”

Jacob stood and pulled her up with him, keeping her arms locked behind her back. “I’ll bring her to my quarters. No one is to disturb us under any circumstances.”

“Yes, Brother Jacob,” was the uniformed response.

He dragged her to the door of the Veteran’s Center with a bit of a struggle. She fought against his grip and dragged her feet, anything to piss him off and slow him down. He glared at her before letting her arms go and then just tossing her over his shoulder like she was a sack of potatoes. No effort at all. Jesus Christ.

Rook ignored the shiver that ran through her at his display of strength. She absolutely should not find that attractive in any way, shape or form. She needed to clear her head from anything to do with Jacob that wasn’t pure hatred - otherwise, she would lose sight again and allow herself to get distracted.

He dropped her into a chair in his office and bound her with zip ties that he just pulled from his pocket like it was totally normal for him to carry them around. 

Yikes. 

Once she was bound, he pulled up his own chair and sat across from her, examining her face. 

“What’s gotten into you, honey?”

“That fucking video,” Rook replied. “I cannot believe I let myself think for one second that you would-”

“I’m gonna shut you up right there,” Jacob growled. “Staci’s weak. He needed to be broken in order to understand his purpose.”

“Jesus fucking Christ. You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“That’s how it goes, Rook. That’s how this shit goes, okay?” 

“So, what? Was sleeping with me, getting me to have feelings for you and think that maybe if things were different we could have a fucking life together, was that part of breaking me?”

“What?”

“Don’t play stupid, Jacob,” she growled. “You knew what you were doing. You told me you’d spare me the trials and the brainwashing and the starving in the cages when really, you only did that because you knew that wouldn’t break me. You knew that I’d be fucked up about it but I’d be fine. So instead, you did what I never allow anyone to do and you got inside my head. I may not scream and writhe around in pain when you play that creepy little song of yours but I almost forgot what you’re doing here. I almost looked over the fact that you’re torturing people, killing people...that you’re brainwashing my colleague and friend!”

Jacob shook his head and stood. There was no kindness in his eyes, nothing other than darkness and it was aimed right at her. 

“I knew you had my siblings, Rook. That was my main goal, to make sure they were safe. I offered you my goddamn life, you just wouldn’t take it.”

He pulled the knife from his thigh holster and cut her arm free before reaching into his pants and pulling out a handgun, which he cocked and placed in her hand. 

“Shoot me.”

“Fucking Christ, Jacob!”

“You end my life here and you set Pratt free.”

“Stop.”

“Don’t fucking hesitate. Summon all that anger you just had. Summon it up and use it.”

“Jacob, stop!” 

He grabbed her hand as he had a few nights before and pressed the barrel to his head. “Prove to me that you’re not weak.”

Everything hurt, including her heart. She wanted to cry and scream and pull the gun on herself, if she were honest. No more war to fight, no more shitty Seeds to protect, none of this bullshit with Jacob that made her question everything around her. She wouldn’t mind the quiet of death, wouldn’t mind it at all. 

In that instance, memories came back. Her father’s addiction, her mother’s slowly fading eyes. The loneliness and isolation of growing up too fast. The way she felt like a burden and wanted to end it for everyone around her. Waking up in the hospital with her mother asleep in the chair next to the bed...everything.

She pulled her hand from Jacob’s grasp and tried to point it towards herself. It was over. She was too fucking tired to deal with it anymore. 

Do it, a voice inside her head whispered. End it and you’ll never have to think about it again. You’ll never have to feel anything again. Just nothingness.

“Rook!” Jacob sensed her movement and the tears in her eyes, knew what she was going to do before she even had the gun facing her.

He jumped at her, knocking her to the ground with the chair, the gun going off and tumbling out of her hand as her head hit the cement floor, causing her vision to blur. She let out a wail that sounded outworldly and heard Jacob screaming for help before everything faded to black.

~

Chapter Text

Rook woke up on a rough mattress, with murmurs around her. She didn’t want to open her eyes, the lids feeling too goddamn heavy and her whole body humming with exhaustion and the desire to just drift in and out of sleep.

“Why’d she do it?” a voice said.

“I fucked up. I fucked up…”

“Jacob, you were following Joseph’s orders.”

“Which made her think I didn’t…”

“You didn’t what?”

“It made her think the only reason we were...was because I was trying to manipulate her.” 

“Were you?”

“Fuck no. No. I just…I don’t know what the hell I expected.”

Rook let out a groan as she listened to the two voices, her head aching something fierce and her mouth dry. She wanted water. 

“She’s waking up.”

“Goddamnit.”

“It’s a good thing, Jacob.”

“I fucking know it’s a good thing, John. For fuck’s sake.”

“Water,” Rook croaked out, blinking against the harsh light above her. 

A straw was put into her mouth and she drank greedily, trying to sit up and groaning at the pain. The water was gone and she felt hands adjusting her as she tried to blink against the light, still not seeing anything.

“What happened?” Rook asked once she could see John’s face looking over her. 

John sighed. “You tried to kill yourself.” Rook’s eyes went wide as John continued, “and obviously, you were unsuccessful. Thanks to my eldest brother. But you managed to shoot yourself in the hip. Nothing bad, somehow the bullet mostly just grazed you. Plus, your head smacked the floor, so all around it’s not great. However, you should be fine in a few days.”

“I don’t have a few days. I’ve got shit to do.”

“Well, you should have thought of that before attempting to shoot yourself in the head, Deputy.”

“Hi Rook,” Faith said as she hovered over her and looked down with a sad smile. 

“How’d I get here?” Rook asked.

“One of Jacob’s trusted guards helped bring you home.”

“So, someone else knows where I live now. Great.”

“He’s sworn to secrecy on that front, my dear.”

She glanced around, looking for Jacob. She’d heard him a few minutes ago but he wasn’t standing over her cot like John and Faith were. Rook’s eyes landed on him sitting at the little table that they ate their meals at, looking at her with hesitation and pure agony.

“Ah, Faith, why don’t we go and wash up for dinner?” John said, clearly sensing the tension and while Rook wasn’t thrilled about that fact, she wanted to hug him for having the common sense to get the hell out of the room.

They both went into the tiny as hell bathroom, which would have been comical if not for the situation they were all in. Jacob remained where he was, just looking at her. The bags under his eyes were worse than before, and Rook wondered for a moment how long she’d been out. Hopefully not more than a day. 

“What the hell made you try to shoot yourself in the head?” Jacob asked, his voice raspy.

“I’m tired of this,” Rook replied. 

“Sure, but that’s a bit drastic don’t you think?”

“I had these tendencies back when I was younger. Attempted a few times, actually,” Rook said, staring at the ceiling. “At that moment, I just felt like I couldn’t keep going. And I had a gun in my hand.”

Jacob’s face fell with a look of sadness as he stood and made his way over to her. He took her hand and squeezed. “I want you to know that I never had the intention of using you when we started...whatever this is, Rook. I liked you. I’d...shit...I liked you the night I saw you in the fucking chapel. Even though you were there to arrest my little brother, I...” he cleared his throat and glanced away. 

Feelings weren’t his forte, that much was clear. But speaking them out loud was probably even less of his forte than just having feelings was. 

“You what?”

“I...felt something when I looked at you. And when I found out you had my siblings I...I figured you would be willing to sit down and talk about letting me see them. I had no idea it would lead to what it did. Joseph’s grown suspicious of my behavior, he’s getting a little frantic now, thinking that John and Faith are gone. He saw the loss of the outposts as a way for you to get closer to ending my life. And I don’t think he was ready for that yet.”

“I need you to let Staci go.”

“I can’t do that.”

“I can’t do this with him being locked up and tortured.”

“Rook…”

“Jacob. Either you let him go, or we have to fight for real. I won’t let you use him like you are anymore. He’s a fucking person.”

Jacob sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose. Rook knew it would take some creative, insane reason for Jacob to let Staci go without arousing suspicion. They would have to sit there and think about it, come up with something that not just Joseph would believe, but the fucking Resistance and the Militia - because it would be a surprise move for everyone.

“Take me instead,” Rook offered.

“Jesus Christ, Rook.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not...I can’t just keep you in a cage and starve you.”

“So talk to Joseph and explain that you need to train me differently - that the way to break me is different.”

“He won’t go for that.”

“Make him.”

“I can’t do that. Look...we need to think about it. We can’t just come up with something that we don’t think through every single possible loophole or pitfall that someone could come up with.”

God, he really is a soldier, huh?

“Okay.”

So, they sat and thought. Faith and John eventually came out and sat and thought with them. Each time someone had an idea, they blurted it out and Jacob shook his head, as if no one could really come up with the actual thing except for him. Which was annoying, if Rook were honest. But he was in that soldier mindset so he was probably sitting there imagining all the different ways it could go wrong and then they would be exposed. Which was a much worse outcome. 

After about an hour, Rook had sat up and was feeling a lot better. Granted, her hip wasn’t great, and it felt sore and she glanced around the room to see the mood. No one looked particularly happy. Maybe it would be a good time to take that walk they’d talked about and fucking chill for a minute. 

“We should go on that walk.”

“This is more important,” Jacob replied.

“We all look tired as hell. The walk will help.”

And it did. Although, since Rook was moving pretty slow, Jacob stayed back with her while Faith and John walked ahead and marveled about being outside and the beauty of God’s creation and how sad it was that it was all going to be gone soon. 

Rook wanted to punch herself in the face for the calm feeling she had with Jacob’s arm wrapped around her waist to help her along, how much his embrace felt like home. It was fucking ridiculous. She kept picturing Staci’s bruised face, the broken expression, the lifelessness of his eyes. Why the hell was she so drawn to a man who was so cruel and heartless.

“You said you had feelings for me,” Jacob said, out of fucking nowhere and almost causing Rook to fall over. 

“What? When?”

“At the Veteran’s Center.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Was it true?”

She fixed him a look, and saw he wore a smirk on his lips which made her huff in annoyance. What an annoying son of a bitch. Goddamnit. And while she was annoyed by the smirk, she also wanted to kiss it right off his face rather than smack it. So, clearly, YES she had an absurd amount of feelings and YES it was fucking annoying and YES she was absolutely and totally screwed.

“What do you think?”

“I was hoping yes.”

“Why?”

“I feel something for you too, honey.”

Goddamnit. 

He pressed his lips to hers and Rook almost wanted to laugh at how much of a romantic comedy this felt like to her. Admitting his feelings, while they were on a walk in the woods...how ridiculous. But she still pulled him closer, until they were distracted by John sprinting back towards them.

“We need to get back, now!” 

“What?” Rook asked as John sprinted past them.

“Now!” Faith hissed. 

Jacob glanced back as they heard voices coming from where John and Faith had just been, and without even a thought, picked Rook up and started running after Faith and John. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing, of course. But Rook didn’t even care. Whoever was out there could not spot John or Faith, nor could they ever spot Jacob and Rook together in a peaceful way. She’d need to be pointing a gun to his head at the very least.

They made it back and Jacob covered the entrance to the bunker with the wood shield thing that Rook had made at the beginning of all of this. John helped Rook sit at the table and Faith sighed as she wrapped her blanket around her body, the stress clearly showing on her face. Rook waited until Jacob came back down to join them.

“Did you get an idea of who they were?” Rook asked.

“Resistance, I think,” John replied, still out of breath from running. “I heard the term ‘Peggies’ getting thrown around so it obviously wasn’t our people. I’m just not sure if they were regular citizens or part of the Resistance. Either way, we would’ve been dead if they’d seen us.”

“They didn’t at all, then?”

“No,” Faith replied. “We heard voices and stopped, before running back to you guys as quietly as we could. We didn’t want to alert them to our presence.”

Rook let out a breath. If they were regular Hope County citizens, it was likely they were fine. Had it been the Militia, Rook figured they would’ve been surrounding the bunker already. She glanced at Jacob.

“Did your guy get any closer to the Militia and the location of all of Eli’s cameras?” she asked.

“Not yet. I haven’t had a chance to talk to him with all this shit going on so I’ll check as soon as I get back there.”

“After you free Staci, though, right?” Rook asked with a raised eyebrow.

Jacob growled and glared at her. “If you can come up with a good reason for me to release the one prisoner who will likely bring you back to my doorstep, sure.”

“What if you say it was a way to gain Rook’s trust?” John asked. “You let Staci go, and make Rook think that you’re willing to bargain about things.”

“I already have to come up with an excuse as to why she’s not there anymore after what happened in my office. I can’t just say I was trying to get her to trust me.”

“Say she escaped. You kept her tied to the chair while you and your guard left to follow a fake lead she gave you, and she slipped out. Prior to that she said she would willingly give over better information if you let Pratt go. Let Pratt go, ‘capture’ Rook, and then keep her around for a few days and pretend to train her.”

“I’m not putting her in the cages or starving her or torturing her.”

“Why?” Rook asked.

“You know what the fuck happens out there?” Jacob growled. “There aren’t many female prisoners, and there’s men desperate to break something or someone. I’m not letting you near that fucking place.”

“That is so fucked up, Jake.”

“Aw, you have a little pet name for him now?” John teased with a smirk on his lips. 

Rook’s eyes rolled so hard she was shocked they didn’t pop right out of her skull. “You’re so annoying.”

John just smirked.

“Combine Staci’s release with treating me better than you would a normal prisoner, maybe?” Rook suggested. “You could just tell Joseph that you want to keep gaining my trust. Tell him I’m resistant, a fucking asshole who spits in your face and shit, but then after a few days that I’m wearing down and starting to trust you.”

Jacob’s eyebrows rose and he considered it for a moment. “That could work. What about the Resistance, if they hear that I’m treating you well and treating the other prisoners like I was prior to all this?”

“Treat them better, too.”

Jacob laughed. “How would that look to my brother, Rook?”

“Again, you’re gaining my trust. You’re making me think that I have power, and then eventually when I see the improvement, you have a strong reason to believe that I’ll turn and join you. How’s that sound?”

“What about us?” Faith asked. “We need food. John refuses to eat any of the canned goods and even if we did, we’d only have enough for a couple of days, at most. This sounds like it’s going to take a couple weeks.”

“I’ll come and bring you food,” Jacob replied. “It’ll have to be less frequent than every evening, but I’ll make sure to bring a lot.”

“That could work,” Rook replied. “Do you think that Staci is going to try really hard to avenge the fact that you have me?”

“Peaches isn’t going to try shit. He’ll be too afraid to even think about facing me.”

Rook’s eyebrows rose up so high on her forehead that she was shocked they didn’t meld with her hair. 

“I’m sorry. Peaches?”

Jacob shrugged. “What?”

“That’s...wow. I didn’t know you were in love with the guy.”

Jacob’s expression could’ve killed if that was possible and honestly, it made Rook laugh even harder. 

“What kind of person nicknames their prisoner Peaches?” she asked.

“It’s meant to humiliate him, Deputy.”

“I don’t care, that’s too fucking funny.”

Jacob rolled his eyes at her and she continued to laugh, despite how fucked up it was and how serious the matter at hand was. But it felt so fucking good to laugh. She wanted it to last forever. 

~

They made up their minds and Jacob left, Rook staying at the bunker for the first time in a little while. She didn’t like the idea of spending the night apart, wanted to be wrapped up in his arms again and have him fuck her. But she figured while she was at the Center, she could fuck him any time she wanted, so there would be plenty of moments that would make up for her sleeping alone tonight.

“Not going with my brother, Deputy?” John asked when she returned from walking Jacob to the car.

“Why are you like this?” Rook sighed, put out already. “It’s so annoying.”

“Of course it is,” John smirked. “I like watching you squirm.”

“Okay, ew.”

“I didn’t...Good lord, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Whatever. I’m going to sleep.”

~

Chapter Text

The plan was that she would get captured after Jacob released Staci and that his men would treat it like an actual hunting party, which meant Rook agreed to getting shot in the leg with a goddamn Bliss bullet. She didn’t think much of it initially, but the fact that she felt the entire world go fuzzy made her regret her decision. More than she could ever say. She fucking hated the Bliss, and it didn’t help that all her hallucinations involved the end of the world, and some sort of veil on her head. 

When she awoke, she was handcuffed to a bed with tape over her mouth. A bit too into the act for her taste, so she just started thrashing against her restraints and screaming her head off behind the tape before she registered anything else about her surroundings. 

Eventually, a hand was on her wrist, stopping her movements and she looked up to see a very annoyed and sweaty Jacob. Had he just left her here, tied up and shit? Jesus Christ, that was so uncool. He should’ve at least made sure he would be there when she woke up to explain why she was handcuffed to the bed with a piece of fucking duct tape over her mouth like an actual prisoner. Or worse.

He gently worked the piece of tape from her mouth so he didn’t hurt her. 

“What the fuck, Jacob?” she growled as soon as she could.

“I didn’t think you’d wake up so soon. Faith warned me that it takes you a little while to come out of the Bliss.”

His fingers moved to take the handcuffs off her and Rook sat up, her head throbbing and her stomach nauseous. God, she hated the fucking Bliss. And she slightly hated Faith for helping create it because it sucked so much.

“You okay?”

“I really, really hate your sister for creating this shit,” Rook replied. “It does not sit well with me.”

“Doesn’t sit well with most people, that’s why we keep ‘em in it.”

Rook’s face scrunched up in horror. She was not keen on hearing about those little things - the creepy little details to remind her that the man she was fucking was still helping to lead a cult, and a super disturbing cult at that. Why the hell couldn’t she have just fallen for someone normal? Or at least someone who wasn’t a leader of a cult. Just a normal dude. Who wasn’t torturing and killing people. Was that really too much to ask for?

“You release Staci?” she asked.

“Yes, honey. Like we planned.”

“Is he okay?”

Jacob paused, as if trying to consider what to say to her, which Rook didn’t like at all. Staci wasn’t okay, that much she knew. The few moments that she’d seen him had him looking like a scared, tortured dog. 

“I dunno.”

“What you did to him was fucked up.”

Jacob sighed and ran a hand down his face in frustration. “You know what? I liked you better with the tape on your mouth.”

“I’m sure you did.”

~

The first few days of her fake capture were spent in Jacob’s room - under the guise of interrogation tactics, he proceeded to fuck her mercilessly. She loved every second of it, and hated the fact that the more time she spent with him and the more she wanted to be around him. He’d leave her in his room, chained to the bed in case any of his soldiers ended up needing to enter the room. They never did, so after the first couple days of that complete discomfort, Rook suggested making sure that he moved any shit they might need to another room.

Rook didn’t listen in to Jacob’s radio calls with his brother, but she could tell that Joseph was actually buying what he was telling him. Thank God. For a while, she was nervous that Joseph’s weird abilities to talk to God or whatever would thwart their plan. Jacob proceeded to treat the other prisoners a little bit better, even releasing some of them who had no information on the Militia and were just innocent civilians.

“What are we going to do about all this?” Jacob asked her one night, as he slipped out of her after another amazing fuck. Rook frowned.

“About your cum?” she asked, glancing down and watching as some of it slipped out of her. Jacob just chuckled and shook his head as he lay down next to her.

“No. All this. Our plan. We can’t keep this act up forever. We can’t just pretend that I’m holding you in my room and shit. Plus you’re going to have to escape at some point, right?”

Rook sighed. 

“Act like I’ve changed sides, maybe?”

“Okay, and the Resistance will hear about that and not like it very much.”

“We’ll just have to figure it out as we go along, Jake.”

He sighed and sat up against the headrest, glancing down at her in his arms. “I don’t do that shit, honey.”

“You did it right here. With all this. You didn’t think through how we would end this little charade.” 

Jacob rolled his eyes before they fluttered closed as he let out a breath. “So, you act like you’re the new Peaches?”

“Minus the creepy brainwashing and shit. You want to train me, because you see how strong I am or something. I’ll be like your right hand woman or whatever.”

Jacob snorted and Rook smacked his arm. 

They discussed it further and decided that was the best course of action. She wouldn’t walk around the Center, though. They would just head out on hunting trips together and stuff, and pretend that they were training. To Rook, that sounded great. She’d grown up hunting with her dad, before all the addiction happened. 

So, they did a test run. She walked out to his red truck with him, her hands cuffed. One of Jacob’s (stupidly bold) soldiers inquired as to why the hell he was with the Deputy, or trusting that she wouldn’t kill him if they were in a car alone. Jacob promptly put him in his place and loudly declared that the Deputy was turning. 

After a few of those trips, things seemed to be working and the soldiers around the Center believed the act. She worried about word getting back to the Resistance, though. She had no idea if they were forgiving to Staci, but that would make more sense because it was pretty clear he was traumatized and went through a whole lot of brainwashing. But they wouldn’t be forgiving to her, probably. Unless she came up with a story about tricking Jacob.

After a while, they thought it was safe for Rook to go back to her bunker for a bit. She came with Jacob and sat down with John and Faith for a meal, which was actually kind of nice. Thankfully, John didn’t try anything crazy. It was a chill time, and after it was over, Rook watched as Jacob hugged his siblings goodbye.

“It was...good to see you, Rook,” John said as he extended a hand.

“Aw, did you actually miss me, Johnny?”

John scoffed and withdrew his hand, an annoyed but still pleasant smirk on his face. “Hope you’re enjoying your time with my brother.”

Jacob headed up before her, allowing her to collect some of her stuff that she hadn’t thought to grab when she got “captured”. When she came up the ladder and replaced the wood over the door, she wore a smile as she headed towards where Jacob had parked. 

Things were going well, and if they worked out, she would be thrilled. Plus, she was thoroughly enjoying her time with Jacob, which was kind of insane but she didn’t want to think about that. 

She wanted to ignore the fact that she was in love with a man who used torture and murder to mindfuck people, who was helping his brother run a cult that had caused severe damage to the community she had sworn to protect. She also didn’t even want to think about what was going on with the Resistance, and the chaos that was probably happening. 

She reached Jacob’s car, but did not find Jacob anywhere. She ducked behind the truck, concern etched on her features and another feeling of dread creeping into her stomach. 

“Rook?”

His whisper was so quiet that she wasn’t sure how she even heard it. 

“Yeah?”

“Someone’s out here.”

“Who?”

Jacob crept over to her and it was then that she noticed the bleeding wound on his arm. What the fuck?

“Did someone shoot you?”

“Bullet just grazed me.”

That meant it was the Resistance, because there was no way a Peggie would risk shooting at Jacob, unless they were defecting. But even then, most defectors tended to run away and go into hiding, it wasn’t like there were a lot of them and plus, if they even tried to hurt one of the Heralds, Rook knew they’d face hell. 

So, that basically meant it was a 99.9% chance that the Resistance had somehow found out about this little spot, and they knew Jacob was there. Or they’d happened upon him while they were doing patrols.

“Are you okay?”

“This ain’t shit.”

Rook rolled her eyes at his sudden macho-man attitude but just nodded, loading her gun as quietly as she could. 

Wait. 

What? 

She paused, wondering what the fuck she thought she was doing. Was she really loading her gun to protect herself from the Resistance? The people whose side she was supposed to be on?

Well, fuck. 

She might as well join the goddamn cult already, because after a brief pause of wondering what she was doing, she shook her head and proceeded to continue loading the gun and making sure it was ready to fire. She wasn’t sure why - maybe because she was worried they might try to shoot her considering the fact that she’d been in Jacob’s clutches the past two weeks and it was clear the Peggies thought she was coming over to their side. 

“How many?” Rook asked.

“Seemed like a loner, but couldn’t be sure.”

“They say anything?”

“Nope. Didn’t even know anyone was there. The shot came from over near my truck though.”

Rook nodded and held her gun at the ready as she stood up, and another shot cracked through the air. It didn’t touch Rook, thankfully, but it was for sure not a good sign. She shot her gun in the direction of where the bullet had come from, and then all the sudden, shots rang out all over the forest. 

Oh, fuck. Oh, fucking fuck.

“You’re surrounded, you know?” someone called.

Rook glanced at Jacob, who rolled his eyes and growled a bit in his throat. He didn’t like being outsmarted, that was for sure. How had they even found them? It was clearly a planned attack.

“We just want Seed,” another voice called.

“Fucking show yourselves first, maybe,” Rook replied, pissed off. 

A man with long greying hair and a beard came out of the woods, followed by a fucking teenage boy with a baseball hat and braids, and a woman in a sweater. Rook would’ve assumed they were civilians until other Whitetails came out of the trees all around them, guns pointed right at them.

Ah, so that was Eli, probably. She’d also heard the name Tammy Barnes thrown around, so that was probably the woman with him. Rook had no clue who the teenage kid was but his eyes blazed with pure rage as he stared at her, his gun ready to fire if needed. 

Rook lowered hers almost instantly, to show what side she was really on. The Whitetails, however, kept all of their weapons trained on her. Fucking rude, even though she couldn’t blame them.

“Now, I don’t know what the hell you’ve been doing with Jacob Seed, Deputy, but I won’t ask questions so long as you let us take him,” Eli said.

Oh, for fuck’s sake. 

She was so screwed. 

If they took Jacob, that would mean he would either die, or come closer to death than Rook was comfortable with. If she refused to let them take him, word would get out around the entire County pretty quickly that the Deputy who was supposed to be their savior was in fact, on the side of the enemy as everyone had feared.

“You fuckin’ lied, huh?” Jacob yelled, and the whole of the Whitetails turned their weapons to him as he stood and stalked over to her, anger deep in his eyes. “You set this shit up, didn’t you? I thought we were finally getting through to you.”

Rook stared at him. 

Fuck. 

He did not need to do this for her. 

He did not need to do this for her. 

He did not need to do this for her.

“Deputy, we fuckin’ trusted you. We gave you so much goddamn information!”

Okay, so Jacob Seed wasn’t the world’s greatest actor but hey, it was working. He stomped towards her and grabbed her by the neck, squeezing hard enough to leave a bruise. 

The Whitetails clamored in response, yelling that they’d shoot him right there if he didn’t let her go. He gritted his teeth as he continued to squeeze, but his eyes spoke something different. It was like he was telling her to go along with it. Rook knew then why he was choking her. To cover the goddamn hickey he’d given her the other night, to cover the evidence of the fact that they were fucking each other.

She kicked him hard in the balls (sorry, Jake), and he let go of her. She continued her assault, not as well as she typically could, but she punched him in the gut, then when he fell to his knees, punched him in the face. She tried not to grimace as she felt her knuckles hit his cheekbone, but figured it was what he would want. He’d want her to be strong at a time like this, want her to hurt him and make it seem real. 

“You’re pathetic,” Rook spat. “You really think I’d ever join you? Can’t believe you fell for that shit.”

God, the words actually hurt to say. 

“Deputy, this is a once in a lifetime chance. Hand him over to us.”

She glanced up at Eli, a moment of uncertainty rising within her.

“What’s your plan?”

“I mean, it’s Jacob fucking Seed,” he said with a laugh. “What do you think our plan is?”

Rook shrugged. “I guess you could kill him, if you wanted to. Or get information out of him, if you wanted to do that, too.” 

She glanced down at him as he tried to stand but she kicked him to the ground and put her foot between his shoulder blades.

“But I have plenty of information. I mean, shit. I got him pretty good. I fucking convinced him I’d be his second in command.”

“Why don’t you want us to take him?” Tammy asked, her eyes narrowed as she looked at Rook.

“I killed John, I killed Faith. It’d feel a little unfair to not let me kill this one too.”

Tammy let out a huff and shook her head, but seemed to leave the final decision to Eli. He fixed Rook a glance - it was the first time they’d met, after all. Rook knew all about how they did not trust strangers. Especially a stranger they knew had been at the Veteran’s Center for the last two weeks.

“So, what? We just let Jacob go?” Eli asked. 

Had Rook even considered that? Jesus. They couldn’t just let him go, because that would be completely and utterly stupid. She glanced down at the man beneath her, who was putting up a bit of a fight under her foot. 

“Take him, but maybe don’t harm him,” Rook replied. “Use him as leverage against Joseph. I mean, John and Faith are dead - Joseph might back down if he can save his last surviving brother.”

Eli considered this for a moment, it seemed, and then he nodded at Tammy, who pulled Jacob up from under Rook’s foot and put a zip tie around his hands. Rook didn’t look at him, couldn’t bear to see his eyes because then all this would crumble. She’d throw herself at him and try to shoot anyone that stopped her, and that would be an extremely unhappy end for the both of them.

“Meet us near the Elk Jaw Lodge tomorrow at midnight,” Eli said. “If you don’t show, we’ll assume you’re an enemy, too. After the shit we’ve heard, we were worried we’d have to take both of you.”

Rook nodded in understanding.

They took Jacob and left her there, her heart pounding roughly against her chest. That was close, number one. But number two, she was fucking terrified that maybe she’d just sent Jacob off to his death. And despite the amount of times he’d told her how he didn’t care if he died or not...Rook didn’t want to have any part in it. Nor did she want to lose him. Her whole heart seemed to ache and she wished she could run after him and kill each and every Whitetail that stood in their way.

She grabbed her bag and walked back to the bunker, her whole body shaking. What was she going to tell John and Faith? They would be furious with her for allowing their brother to fall into the Militia’s hands, but she would also now look like the enemy to them. If she would turn over someone that she had a thing for, whose to say she wouldn’t do the same goddamn thing to them, so why should they even trust her?

Why should anyone trust her?

Why should she trust herself?

What the fuck had she become?

~

Chapter Text

“He’s where?” John demanded.

“Look, they surrounded us. Jacob started to play along and he-”

“He what? Told you to hand him over like that?”

“I didn’t have a fucking choice, John!”

“You could’ve told them the truth!”

“And gotten the both of us shot in the head? You two would’ve been stuck down here. You don’t have a key to get out and you would’ve starved to death alone.”

John shook his head. “Don’t pretend like you did this for us.”

“John.” Rook hated how her voice cracked, hated how tears sprung to her eyes. “You have to believe me that I did not want to do this.”

“Do you really think the fucking Whitetails are going to keep him unharmed? Do you actually trust these people to keep their word on that?”

Rook let out a sob. “I don’t know! I don’t know but I told them he gave me a lot of information so you guys need to spill everything you know about his region. If I go to that meeting tomorrow and have nothing, they’ll lock me up and torture me.”

“Why the fuck should I care about that when you let them take my brother?” 

“Because, guess what?” Rook roared. “I fucking care about you two. I care about whether or not you starve down here all alone. I kept you alive and stuck my neck under the guillotine to do that, and if it was all in vain, I won’t know what the hell to do with myself!”

She was shaking, blind with rage and hurt. Rook wanted Jacob back more than anything, and it made her fucking angry that they couldn’t see that. She hadn’t wanted the Whitetails to take him, could barely stand the anxiety boiling in her stomach about what they were possibly doing to him. She’d heard about Tammy, her methods of torturing any Chosen they were able to get their hands on. Jacob was more valuable, though. Right?

“You basically led him to the slaughter,” John growled, knocking Rook back to reality. “They might’ve said they wouldn’t harm him but they’re going to -”

“I know,” Rook screamed. “I want him back just as much as you do, John, all right?”

“Just so you can fuck -”

She reeled on him, her vision red. 

“No, I want him back because I’m in love with him. I love him and it’s so fucked up and it’s never going to work, but I can’t stop myself from feeling this way, John. I tried, I failed. Letting them take him ripped my fucking heart out!”

Rook let out a sob as she fell onto her cot, burying her head in her hands as she cried. Everything had gotten so far out of her control, she had no idea what to do, and now she was terrified that maybe Jacob was going to get the shit beat out of him (at best) or get a bullet in his skull (at worst). She knew the Whitetails were much more intense than the Resistance in Holland Valley, or the Cougars up in the Hope County Jail.

It wasn’t good. None of this was good. The moment Rook had decided to save John was the moment she’d sealed her fate into her life catapulting into a complete, never-ending “this isn’t good” situation. She had looked at John, who was spitting up blood and looked an absolute mess, and felt her heart constrict so tightly, she thought she was going to vomit or start choking. As she had looked at him, she had the realization of how bloody everything had gotten, how she’d killed so many people, how she’d had to put a bullet in someone’s skull just to protect her own life. She remembered her childhood, the battles her father faced with addiction, the soft way her mother held her when she cried, and she’d looked down at her hands, and the blood there weighed more than she could imagine. 

She’d shed the life she had before this place, she’d become a murderer, someone who had instilled fear into the hearts of her enemies. She realized, as she looked at John, that she had become something she did not like. Out of selfishness, she supposed, once she was done with his bunker, she had taken John back to her little makeshift home. She’d bandaged and stitched him up while he went in and out of consciousness. She disinfected all his wounds, she stayed by his side while his body fought to come back from the brink of death that she’d placed him at. 

No one heard from her for a couple of days, and her radio went in and out with attempts to call her. It got desperate, and people even shouted things they later claimed they didn’t mean. Rook felt broken, confused, lost and torn as she tended to John. When he finally got pulled back from his unconsciousness, he’d tried to rip her face off with his bare hands. She’d restrained him to the bed, and calmly but emotionally explained that she didn’t have the strength to kill him, that she planned to keep him alive. 

She’d seen him desperate, too. Desperate to return back to his family, horrified that they were mourning him while he was still alive, could still spend time with them and love them until the world came to an end. He hadn’t known what her plan was, and neither had she, but when she came back with Faith in her arms and screamed to John that she needed help, his walls broke down and he’d put trust in her.

They helped Faith together, like two desperate parents trying to save their child’s life. Rook had always felt an ache in her heart whenever Faith shared her story - Rook could sense her fear of Joseph, could tell the young girl wasn’t as cruel and manipulative as she led others to believe. It had taken a while for Rook to even forgive Faith for what happened with Virgil, because that was something that had ripped Rook’s heart apart. She’d never trusted Burke, even less so after he was brought back from the Bliss, but she hadn’t expected that. 

When Faith came to, she was delighted to see John, but confused as to where they were and why Rook was there. It had taken a few days, but the girl had warmed up to her, and Rook started realizing that she didn’t want anything bad to happen to the two siblings, which was not a good sign.

“Fuck,” Rook whispered as she sobbed. “I never meant for that to happen, you have to understand that. I’m so fucking sorry.”

John had greeted her with anger, and Faith had grown quiet in the corner, her legs pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Rook couldn’t blame John for what he felt, couldn’t blame him for the anger he likely held towards her now. She was the one who allowed them to take Jacob away, she was the one who had handed him over. She hadn’t even looked at him to say goodbye, which now hurt worse than she’d anticipated.

“We have to get him back,” John said.

“How the fuck do you expect me to do that?” Rook replied. “I mean, for one thing, they think I’m on their side and that I’d tricked Jacob. So if I showed up there to get him out, they’d kill me on sight. For another thing, he’s likely at the Wolf’s Den, and I have no fucking clue where that even is.”

“Find out,” John said. 

His voice was soaked with desperation and it made Rook’s face scrunch up with tears again. Goddamnit. When the hell had she let herself care about these idiots so much?

“I’m meeting them tomorrow near the Elk Jaw Lodge,” Rook replied. “I need to have actual information that they’ll find useful. Then, once I have their trust, maybe I can convince them to go easy on him and let him go to Joseph.”

“Why would they let him go?”

“I’ll tell them I have a plan,” Rook replied, wiping at her cheeks as her head grew slightly clearer. “I mean, if he goes to Joseph, then the Whitetail Mountains would basically be liberated, right?” 

“Not really,” John replied.

“Well, that could be part of the negotiations with Joseph.”

“Do you really think my brother would allow the Resistance to negotiate Jacob’s release when he knows that they’ll just come after them both, and with the strength of Holland Valley, the Henbane, and the Mountains backing them?”

“Fuck, you’re right.”

“I do believe that Joseph would negotiate, but the negotiations would require that all the fighting stop.”

“What about you two?”

“What about us?”

“If I told him you were alive?”

~

They spent the entire night formulating a plan, and Faith eventually joined in after Rook made her some tea and calmed her down a bit. She was going stir-crazy for one thing, and she was worried about Jacob, so of course she wasn’t in the best mindset. Her contributions were helpful, though, once she got out of her little funk.

Rook would contact Joseph on his private radio channel, which John still had, and she would meet up with him and let him know what was really going on. She would tell him that she had John and Faith in her bunker, which he no doubt would require proof of. Rook would find a way to smuggle him to the bunker (once she found out how much of it the Whitetails had on camera), and then allow them a moment of reunion before revealing the rest of her plan. Joseph would give himself up for arrest, and Jacob, John and Faith would be released. Rook couldn’t promise John that the legal system wouldn’t come after them, too, but John didn’t seem too worried about that (lawyers, right?). 

John was certain that Joseph would give up his freedom if it meant his siblings still got theirs, and if it meant the world would not end. Rook, however, wasn’t so sure about that. Joseph seemed like the type of guy who wouldn’t understand it if he was proved wrong, and wouldn’t like it, either. She worried that maybe he would try something to make sure that everything did end in bloodshed, whether it be Hope County itself or the entire world. 

Joseph had always been the one that Rook disliked the most. She had a thing against cult leaders who convinced their followers that they were God. She’d seen what happened with that shit, and she worried that maybe - if Joseph went crazy enough - he could do that to his own flock. She had no clue whether or not Joseph actually heard the voice of God, because while it sounded like horseshit, who knew? But if he didn’t and had convinced this many people that he did, then he was dangerous. 

He already was dangerous to begin with anyway. Rook had seen a woman throw herself into the blades of the helicopter just to stop them from taking him away. A man with power like that was dangerous, no matter who he was or what his intentions were. Power like that tended to spawn evil within any and everyone who came across it, and Rook had a tiny belief in the back of her head that Joseph would not go quietly, nor would he accept that his little apocalypse wasn’t going to happen as planned.

It wasn’t like he had the nuclear codes (that she knew of, at least), but she still felt as though he had a level of power and influence that should not be ignored or underestimated. While they formed their main plan, Rook formed a Plan B in her head in case things did not go as well as John insisted they would. Joseph had once threatened John that the gates of Eden would be closed to him if he couldn’t convert her. His own baby brother, whom he claimed to love and adore. So, Rook felt that maybe John was overestimating how much Joseph really cared about them.

She didn’t speak a word of that aloud, though - both for her own sake, and for John and Faith’s. They seemed both hopeful and sad, and it was clear that they would not enjoy watching Joseph being led away in handcuffs (if things went according to plan). Jacob wouldn’t be happy either, she knew that. His whole plan had been to die for his brother. Hell, he’d protected him from their abusive parents, taken beatings for him (and for John). She could only imagine how much it would hurt to have his family torn apart after hoping that they would be together forever. With the exception of Jacob, considering he had assumed he would die before any sort of world ending came into play.

John and Faith then filled Rook in on any information they had about the Whitetail Mountains. Jacob hadn’t been one to share much about his region with anyone other than Joseph, claiming that it was for their safety that they were left in the dark. Whenever John referenced that, he had an annoyed look on his face and Rook could only imagine how pissed he probably got when Jacob wouldn’t tell him things. 

By the time everything was organized and planned, it was already 7:30. Rook showered off in the bathroom and then got dressed in the clothes she had packed to stay the night with Jacob. That’s when she remembered his cabin. She wondered if there was anything there that maybe could be useful, so she said goodbye to John and Faith, and hightailed it towards Jacob’s cabin.

Luckily, news hadn’t hit the Peggies yet that Jacob had been taken hostage by the Militia, so the cabin was quiet and untouched. Rook picked the lock and spent two hours exploring it, where she found plenty of information that she could just hand over to the Whitetails. It included guard rotations at specific outposts, different notes about the testing of the Bliss on the Judges, layouts of the Ranger Station and Elk Jaw Lodge. It was all good shit. 

Rook was thankful, then, that she’d slept with Jacob and found out this was his home. The Veteran’s Center would have a lot more useful information, but there was no chance in hell that she was even going to try that one. That place was too armed, too guarded, and Rook didn’t have the time or the energy to deal with that at the moment. She couldn’t believe that Jacob’s home was so unguarded, but it made sense. The man could defend it himself and he liked his privacy, so it seemed.

She stopped at the F.A.N.G. Center to check on Cheeseburger, to see how his wounds were healing. He was back to his typical, adorable and ferocious self, so she decided to take him with her. Nothing wrong with having a bear around her, especially if it made her a little more scary to the Whitetails in case they tried anything with her. 

She figured Eli would want to talk to her, figure out what her plans had been when she’d gotten on Jacob’s “good side”, so she concocted a pretty good story in her head while she wandered the woods with Cheeseburger and got some hunting in before she headed over to 8-Bit, where she knew the gang would be, even if it was only noon.

Sure enough, they were all there, and they sure as shit seemed to be in a better mood than they had been lately. They all cheered and greeted Rook with handshakes and slaps on the back when she arrived, telling her how proud they were of her for going straight to the source and somehow getting Jacob fucking Seed out of his hole in the ground. They were impressed, even, asked her how she managed to get him to think she was on his side, and Rook just used the same story she’d created for the Whitetails. 

“I knew Jacob was different,” Rook said. “I mean, the second I met Jess, she made that pretty fucking clear.” Laughter filled the room and Rook continued, “I mean, he was smarter than John and Faith, and from what Jess had told me, and what I’d heard around the area, he was full on brainwashing people into being soldiers. I knew I couldn’t let that happen, so I staked out in front of the Vet’s Center on the first day to get some intel, but I figured someone would spot me. I hoped it would be Jacob.”

“Why’s that?” Nick asked. 

“‘Cause if one of his fucking wolves spotted me, I’d be chopped meat,” Rook replied and they all laughed again. “He approached me, and immediately I gave him this silly little story about how much it hurt me that I had to kill his siblings, how I was getting tired of the fight, and I was starting to agree with Joseph. I was all ‘the world does seem like it’s soft and on the brink, like we forgot our roots and what strength really means,’ and all that shit. I was certain he was going to fucking shoot me, honestly, because I’m not exactly sure how great my acting skills are. But he seemed to trust me a bit, and we agreed to meet again and discuss it.”

“That why you weren’t blowin’ shit up like usual up there?” Hurk Jr. asked. 

“Exactly. I wanted him to believe me. So I did some minor shit, like take back the F.A.N.G. Center, and blow some shit up, but not a whole lot.”

“So, then what happened?” Grace prompted.

“We met up and talked, and he said ‘you have to be a soldier for us, but I don’t want you to destroy your alliance to the Resistance just yet.’ Which, I was like, ‘oh fucking shit, really?’ you know? Because like I was ever going to give him any real information about you guys,” Rook said. “So, I dawdled. Didn’t really give him that good of information, but he was just pumped for some reason to have me training. And then I got him to start listening to me. The first time he captured me, I told him I’d give him more information if he let Pratt go, and he did it.”

“Reports had it that you were getting treated pretty well,” Jess said. “When you got captured the second time.”

“I got him to believe if he changed things, like the way he treated the prisoners, that I would join him. I mean, I was chained to a chair in his room for a while and tortured most of the day before that happened, though.”

“Why was he with you out in the middle of nowhere that night?” Grace asked. “I mean, shit. What the hell were you two doing out there?”

“Hunting. It was something I knew he liked, something I’d grown up doing. It was a point I could use to make sure we bonded.”

“And he just believed you with all this shit?” Jess asked.

Goddamnit, Jess, Rook thought. Stop asking fucking questions. “No, I had to do some real shit.”

“Like what?” Jess leaned on her forearms and looked at Rook across the table.

“I killed a hiker and his friend up by the ruins of the YES sign, for one thing,” Rook said. “Once he saw that…” she let out a sigh and bowed her head, allowing fake tears to gather in her eyes. She was too good at this, it almost scared her. “He said I was ready.”

The room went quiet, aside from a few intakes of breath and heavy sighs. The only pair of eyes that Rook could feel were Addie’s, and the only pair of eyes she was actively avoiding were hers, too. She knew if she saw any semblance of understanding or sympathy from the older woman’s glance, her facade would crumble and the rest of the group would know all of it was horseshit.

“So you somehow fooled Jacob fucking Seed into thinking you were on his side? The puppet master himself didn’t see through you?” Jess asked.

Alright, Rook, brace yourself. She closed her eyes as if in pain and let out a shaky sigh as her fingers fumbled with each other on the table. 

“That night, after I killed those hikers…” 

Rook let out a sigh. Make it fucking believable, she told herself. God, this was fucking horrible. If she wasn’t already going to hell for everything else she’d done, she sure as shit was going to hell now.

“He, uh. Well. He got a bit...physical.”

“No, he fucking didn’t,” Nick yelled. “I’ll kill that motherfucker.”

“I...ya know, had to let him believe that I wanted it.”

Her voice broke as she spoke the word ‘wanted’, and she bowed her head again as she let out a sniffle. She was a terrible fucking person who was going to hell the minute someone put a bullet between her eyes. Satan would probably look at her and tell her she was a piece of shit, maybe even spit her back out. She hated herself, in that moment, and hated how fucking good she was at acting like it had happened. She had no fucking justification for faking something so horrible, but she needed them to believe her, and needed them on her fucking side, even if it meant going to hell faster than she could even say the world ‘hell’.

“Jesus Christ, Rook,” Jess whispered.

“I’m so sorry we sat here and doubted you,” Nick said, his hand reaching out to touch hers. “I...shit. I don’t even know what to say. No wonder you looked so sick the other day.”

“I was worried there, chica,” Sharky said. “I mean, shit. I saw that hickey on your neck the other day and thought...well, I was worried, ya know, that you was doin’ somthin’ you shouldn’t be and...now I see that I was a complete fuckin’ asshole for assumin’ somethin’ like that.”

“Don’t worry about it, Shark,” she replied with a smile. 

God, she was a real piece of shit, wasn’t she?

The crew decided to head over to Nick’s, who was planning to have a barbecue later that night, and Addie told them she’d catch up later and wanted to finish her beer. Rook avoided her gaze the entire time, until Addie finally let out a sigh and shook her head in disappointment.

“Now, honeybunch, I know you got some sorta plan in the works, but that display was a bit....”

“I know,” Rook replied. “I’m sorry, Addie.”

“First, ya had me worried that ya’d lied to me, which I would’ve understood, but it still woulda hurt. But after seein’ that, I’m realizing that everything you told me was true, and you’re trying to get them onto your side.”

“I have to,” Rook replied, her voice soft and timid. “I need to gain their trust to gain the Whitetails trust. I know that they said they aren’t gonna hurt Jacob, but I also know that’s fucking bullshit.”

“I need you to tell me the real plan, sweetie. After all the trust we’ve built up between us, I can’t say I’m too keen to be left in the fuckin’ dark.”

“Right.”

So, Rook sat there and explained the whole thing, explained the plan she, John and Faith had come up with. She knew Addie probably wasn’t too crazy about it, considering the fact that she’d lost a lot to the cult and so had all of her good friends. Rook knew that the others belonged behind bars, too, but she also had come to see that they wouldn’t have been as brutal as they were without Joseph’s influence. Rook had seen first hand the power that he had over John and Faith. He made them quiver with fear. While he didn’t do the same thing for Jacob, she was sure that he manipulated the love that Jacob had for him to get Jacob to do what he wanted. 

When she was done, Addie understood. They talked a little bit more, and Addie asked if Rook needed anything from her during all this. Rook just shook her head, she just needed Addie to go along with the story she’d told everyone else. Addie agreed, though she didn’t much like it, and made her dislike known, but agreed nonetheless.

Once Addie left, Rook made some pizzas and brought them back to the bunker to eat with John and Faith. She still had six hours until midnight at that point, and she wondered what the fuck she was going to do with that time. As she cleaned up, Faith huddled up in a corner with a book and John cleared his throat, catching her attention as she grabbed the towel to dry the dishes. 

“Rook,” John said as she turned to look at him. “I...know that this is going to be difficult for you.” 

“It’s really not,” Rook replied. “The others seemed to buy the story today. I know the Whitetails probably don’t trust me as much, but-”

“Not what I mean,” John said. He glanced around, as if to make sure no one else would hear what he was about to say. “You said you loved Jacob. I can see you love him and you’re just as worried about him as we are. So I know this must be hard on you, to be torn like this.”

Wow. John fucking Seed accessing his real and vulnerable emotions. Rook wished she had a camera, honestly. 

“Yeah,” Rook replied. “Yeah, it...I mean, I don’t know.”

“He has feelings for you too,” John said. “I can tell.”

“Well that’s good, I guess.”

“I just...I appreciate that you’re...willing to put yourself in danger to help my brother. To help us all.”

“You’re...uh, you’re welcome. I guess.”

Alright, so Rook was just as bad at accessing her own emotions and having a real conversation about them as the Seeds were. She already fucking knew that but hadn’t had to deal with it for a while, considering she’d pretty much learned how to bottle that shit up and vacuum seal it so she wouldn’t have to worry about it exploding everywhere. For the most part. Nope, that wasn’t even true. 

John left it at that and for the first time since she’d saved him, Rook felt warmly towards John. It was clear that while he took immense pleasure in making her life a living hell, it was not his sole purpose in life. Which she appreciated.

She paced and paced the small little bunker until both John and Faith told her to cut that shit out, and even then she still had two hours until she had to meet the Whitetails. Then, after meeting with them, probably taking back the Elk Jaw Lodge, she’d have to radio Joseph and hope that he would meet with her that late at night.

Finally, after way too long, it was time for Rook to leave. She hugged Faith close and even hugged John, just in case she didn’t make it back from all this alive. Hell, Jacob could’ve spilled the entire thing, and then she would be faced with gunfire the second she showed up there. She knew he wouldn’t do that, because that would probably condemn him to death in their eyes, but there was still a chance. Everyone had their breaking point, and maybe they’d already figured out his. Though she really hoped they hadn’t.

~

Chapter Text

She waited for them about 200 meters away, hidden by some trees and rocks, until it was about a quarter past, and they made their presence known by walking out with their guns raised to her. Jesus Christ. Rook put her hands up and let out a sigh.

“You really don’t trust me yet?”

“We found you with Jacob fucking Seed, of course we don’t trust you,” Tammy replied. 

“Look, if that son of a bitch meant anything to me, I wouldn’t have turned him over to you.”

“You had your gun out, ready to fight.”

“I didn’t know who the fuck was shooting at us.”

“Wouldn’t you assume it’d be the Resistance, considering the fact the Peggies are so far up Jacob’s ass they wouldn’t dare even try to shoot him?”

Gross visual, but okay.

“I have information. Plenty of it, and good shit too. Okay?”

“First, we wanna watch you take the Lodge.”

Rook frowned, figured that they would all take it together. It was pretty heavily guarded, even though it was the middle of the night. 

“Why?”

“Wanna see if you’re as strong as Jacob says you are.”

Shit. Rook hadn’t even thought about whether Jacob would tell them anything, or would try to come up with a story to cover for her. She probably should have, considering it was likely they tortured him for information and he’d get tired of it eventually. Fuck. What a dumb oversight on her part.

No chance she could change her course now, not with everything she’d already told everyone else. If word got out that she’d told two different groups two different stories, the trust would break even more than it already had. 

“Fine.”

“The bear stays here.”

“C’mon.”

“Best get going, Deputy.”

She rolled her eyes and handed them all the physical information she’d obtained from Jacob’s cabin, not wanting to worry about losing it or being weighed down at all. They took it but didn’t even indicate whether or not they were happy about it, just wore stoic expressions that basically said ‘get a move on.’ 

So, Rook surveyed the area for a minute or two before she dove in. Her new sniper rifle was fucking excellent and pretty silent, so she was able to take out most of the Peggies at a distance. Once that was done, she crept towards the two alarm systems and worked to disable those. As she did that, she scoped out the rest of the Peggies that were around. There were only five or so left, so she took them out quietly with some throwing knives and some close combat. 

It was cleared in about thirty minutes, and she signaled to the Whitetails that they could come on in. They crept in cautiously, guns at the ready, as if she’d fucking lied to them. At first, it pissed her off. Then she remembered that she actually was kind of on the other side right now, and they absolutely had the right not to trust her. Still, it was annoying as all hell.

“There you go,” she said, gesturing broadly to the scene before them. 

“Put this on,” Eli said, speaking for the first time that evening as he tossed her a black burlap bag to put over her head. “We’ll take you to the Wolf’s Den.”

“Why you gotta treat this like a fucking hostage situation?” Rook asked. 

“Why you gotta ask so many goddamn questions?” Tammy shot back. “We’re being fucking cautious. Put it on or we’re done here.”

Rook sighed but did as she was told, and someone tied her hands together in front of her with a zip tie before they started walking towards...whatever. Under the bag, Rook couldn’t see much of anything, especially since it was dark outside. 

She could hear Cheeseburger walking alongside the group, and some of the Whitetails pet him and fed him treats, she could tell. But that was about it. She had no clue who was leading her, no clue where they were going. It all felt dangerous and not at all exciting. 

Despite the fact that she probably should have been concerned with her own safety, she only worried about Jacob and what they’d done to him. She could tell they’d done something, felt it in her bones that he was hurt. If he’d said anything about her being strong, it was under force, not something he would’ve volunteered. 

Rook realized that they’d taken her to a car, after the door opened and she was shoved into the backseat. She let out a grumble about Cheeseburger and Tammy said something about how a giant bear ought to be fine out in the woods on his own. So Rook kept her mouth shut, and didn’t talk the entire ride. She just thought about Jacob - about how she wanted to hold him and kiss him and feel his breath against her neck and…

God, focus, Rook, she told herself. 

After about fifteen minutes, the cars pulled to a stop and Rook was taken out of the car, and led down some stairs. She felt the coolness of where they were and determined it was absolutely a bunker. There was no questioning it. She could hear the hum of generators, the buzz of fluorescent lights, the chill that comes with being in a metal encased hole in the ground. Rook was dropped down into a metal chair, and she let out a hiss as her hands were cut free, but then each bound to the cold metal arms of the chair while someone else bound her feet to the legs of the chair. 

The treatment was rough, and she felt the zip ties digging into her skin in an annoying way that would soon start to actually hurt. She frowned under the sack on her head. Why were they being so rough with her? Did they know something? Had Addie changed her mind and gone to them with the real story about what Rook was doing with Jacob that night, and did they now know everything? 

Her mind went into overdrive and she started to breathe frantically, chasing air that her lungs couldn’t seem to hold onto. Fuck, she was doomed, wasn’t she? And not even in the metaphorical sense anymore. She was quite literally doomed - tied to a chair, treated like a prisoner, and was about to be tortured in order to get fucking information.

The sack was finally pulled from her head and it took her a moment to adjust to the bright lighting in the room. When she did, though, her breath caught in her throat as she saw Jacob sitting across from her, stripped to his boxers, bloody and bruised on every single inch of his skin. His left eye was swollen shut, and his head hung limply from his shoulders, a gag made of cloth tied to his mouth. 

Jesus fucking Christ.

“You said you weren’t gonna hurt him,” Rook growled. 

“We didn’t say shit,” Tammy replied. 

Rook felt panicked. They’d really hurt him - he wasn’t even registering that she was there, sitting across from him. What the hell were they gonna do to her? Were they gonna strip her bare and beat the shit out of her? Would they get the real story, with Rook too weak and too broken to keep it hidden anymore after they beat her to a pulp? Or would they make her watch them beat him up some more? To see her reaction? 

Her heart pounded roughly against her chest as she tried to swallow, her mouth dry as fucking cotton. All she knew was that the situation had gotten way too out of hand, and she had zero control over what came next. Unless she miraculously could talk herself out of it.

“Joseph’s going to be fucking pissed now,” Rook said. “The moment he sees Jacob like that, any and all leverage goes out the window and he attacks you with full fucking force.”

“You seem awfully upset, Deputy,” Tammy observed, arms across her chest as she stood over the younger woman. “Thought you’d be happy seein’ your rapist tied up like this.”

Who had told them? Had Jess radioed them before Nick’s little party? Or had someone else done it? Goddamnit. 

She was in way over her head, and she felt so fucking stupid for thinking that she could outsmart these people.

She wasn’t a soldier, not like Jacob, so she couldn’t physically defeat them. She wasn’t a manipulator, like John. She wasn’t a good liar like Faith. She was nothing. She had nothing. All she had was the sight of the man she loved tied up, nearly naked, and close to death.

“You really think we’d buy that little story you made up about him falling for a fake little charade? We know Jacob. Eli’s worked with him. We know he’s fucking smarter than that.”

Rook’s head swung back with force before she even felt the blow of Tammy’s fist against her face. She let out a yell in confusion before it turned into a whimper of pain. Tammy had brass knuckles on, and it was very clear that Rook was completely and utterly fucked. She’d thought many times before that she was fucked, but now? Now, she was about to die underground while she watched Jacob struggle just to breathe, and she couldn’t handle it. 

“Tell us the truth, Deputy. Tell us the truth and we’ll go easier on you than we did on him.”

“What’d he tell you?” Rook asked, fixing her gaze on the older woman. 

“Just that you were strong,” Tammy said. “Fucker just kept sayin’ it over and over. Seemed some kinda smitten with you.”

Rook did not know what to do. All her plans had come to a screeching halt. She wouldn’t be able to radio Joseph, and John and Faith were stuck in her bunker with no way to get out. They would die there while she died here, and everything she’d done to try and stop the bloodshed and death would go to waste.

~

By the time Tammy was done with her little interrogation, Rook had lost her right to clothes other than her bralette and underwear. She’d also been doused with freezing cold water prior to the real beating that began. Eli had walked out pretty fast, and Jacob had woken up by the time Rook had a bruised (or maybe broken) rib, a black eye, several swollen points on her face, and a few fucking cuts that Tammy had given her for extra measure. He’d yelled against the gag in his mouth but it muffled most of his sound.

Tammy asked over and over for the truth, and Rook stayed with the same story. There was no point in changing it now - because that would cause her to look guilty as all hell. So, she stuck with what she’d told the others, stuck with the fact that she’d gained Jacob’s trust and that he’d raped her and that she was on their side. 

It hadn’t satisfied the older woman, so after one more punch to the gut with her brass knuckles and stuffing her mouth full of cloth before tying one around her head, she left Rook there, hunched over the wound, gasping for breath around the gag. Rook thought she’d known pain before, but she had clearly been wrong. So fucking wrong. 

Shivering in the cold air, her body still damp from the dousing of cold water, she risked a glance up at Jacob. They couldn’t even speak to each other, could only look on helplessly as they bled and groaned in pain. His eyes looked sad, desperate, like he just wanted to fucking help her. She felt the same way. Deep inside her, the sight pulled on her chest in a way she’d never felt before, and fuck if she didn’t feel like weeping right then and there. While she knew Jacob had called her strong, she didn’t feel it. Not then. She felt weak, broken, useless. 

Completely at the mercy of people who did not believe her for a second. 

~

Chapter Text

“He doesn’t give a shit about you.”

Tammy stood across from Rook, blocking the younger woman’s visual of Jacob. Rook had no concept of how long she’d been down there, no idea what was going on in the world above. 

Were her friends worried about her? Did they know that she was there? What was happening with the war? Had both sides stopped fighting, worried about their possibly kidnapped, possibly dead leaders? Were John and Faith starving, terrified for their own lives?

“I mean, you keep sayin’ he raped you. He probably told you all the shit you wanted to hear, if he thought you liked it.”

Rook said nothing.

“Did you like it?”

Nothing.

“I get the feeling that you felt something for him too. I get the feeling there wasn’t any kinda rape going on,” Tammy praddled on. 

The woman had a fucking bludgeon in her hands, one that could be fatal if she chose to use it. Like she had gone out into the woods to find a hulking tree branch that could knock out a bull and grabbed it to see how fun it would be to torture Rook and Jacob with the mere sight of it. She smirked as Rook stared at the thing that could easily take her life, could easily take Jacob’s life, with a single swing.

One thing Rook was sure of was that Tammy was fucking crazy.

“We looked through your bag, found a little notebook of yours,” Tammy said.

Shit.

It was over.

Rook was going to fucking die there. 

“Seems like you wanted him to...what was it that you wrote… ‘fuck you raw so hard that you forget your own name’? ‘Fill you up like he wanted to get you full and round with his child’? Some pretty depraved stuff in there.”

Rook’s head fell to her chest as heat bloomed on her cheeks despite how cold she was, but she continued to be silent. God, this was fucking embarrassing. She still couldn’t see Jacob, couldn’t tell if he was awake or could hear what Tammy was saying. 

“It was fantasy,” Rook replied finally. Her voice was so raspy from the lack of water.

“So when the real thing happened, it wasn’t everything you’d dreamt about?”

Rook just shook her head.

“That’s pretty hard to fucking believe, Deputy.”

“I’m telling you the truth.”

“Okay.”

Tammy moved away from her and Rook could see Jacob, his eyes somewhat glazed over, the gag around his neck. Her eyes moved from his to follow Tammy’s movement as she paced calmly around the room, holding the fucking stick she had in one hand and tapping it into the palm of her other as she hummed thoughtfully.

Tammy paused next to Jacob, and put the huge, fatal stick against his head. Waiting. Rook’s heart pounded roughly and her stomach fucking sank as the glaze in Jacob’s eyes faded and he looked at her purposefully, now. His gaze was piercing. Harsh. As if to tell her to keep her fucking mouth shut no matter what happened in the next few moments. 

Always ready to die, always accepting of what he’d assumed his fate to be. He didn’t have a gag in his mouth anymore either, Tammy only replaced them when the torture was done, and he said nothing, but the look he gave her said everything.

“So if you felt nothing for him, you could watch me bash his skull in and not care, right?”

Rook let out a breath, which hurt. “You’d be wasting a good fucking resource.”

“I don’t give a shit,” Tammy hissed. “We all know Joseph is nothing without his big brother to defend him. We’ll bash Jacob’s head in, send Joseph the fucking pieces, and then we can go in and do the same to him.”

“Eli agree with this?”

“He doesn’t call all the shots around here.”

“So, I take it that’s code for ‘he doesn’t fucking know’, huh?”

Rook had no clue where this confidence was coming from, but she was thankful it was there. Her whole body sang with pain as she shifted in the cold metal seat. 

“He doesn’t need to,” Tammy replied. “This motherfucker is a piece of shit and deserves whatever I give him.”

“Agreed, but I’m pretty sure you’re just doing all this to get a fucking rise out of me. You were hoping that I’d panic, that I’d tell you how much I loved him and how I’ve been a Peggie this whole time, so that you could bash both our brains in and justify it to Eli, who clearly doesn’t agree very much with your torture methods.”

Wow, she had pulled that one out of her ass but it actually sounded pretty good. 

Rook kept her gaze stoic even though she felt extreme surprise that she’d been able to come up with something like that. Tammy growled at her and Rook kept her eyes off Jacob. If she looked at him for a moment, her heart would go weak all over again and she’d fail at whatever it was that she was trying to accomplish. Any moment of weakness, Tammy would sense it and use it against her. 

Rook wondered how someone who was supposed to be on the side of the Resistance could be so brutal.

“I liberated the Henbane, I liberated Holland Valley, and I was planning to liberate the Whitetail Mountains when the time came. Do you really think that you can trick me like that when you guys couldn’t even make a fucking dent in anything until I came along?”

Tammy’s entire body shook with anger and Rook realized for a moment that she looked a bit like a rabid dog, wanting to bite her for outsmarting her. Rook felt zero of the confidence inside her, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was making Tammy believe she did, believe that she was telling the truth, and to get that fucking bludgeon away from Jacob’s skull.

“Tammy!” Eli called, rushing in. “Jesus, what the hell are you doing?”

“Trying to get Rook to talk.”

“There’s Peggies swarming the area. I need all hands on deck, now!”

Tammy glared at Rook and dropped the weapon to the ground as she headed out the door, and Rook let out a deep sigh of relief. That was too fucking close for her liking, honestly. She finally glanced at Jacob, who was breathing pretty deeply, as if to calm himself. But every time he took a breath, he winced, and the air came in and went out in a gravely, shaky way that Rook did not like one bit.

“Nice goin’,” he said after a moment, his voice rough. 

“Thanks,” Rook replied. 

She was all too aware of the cameras that surrounded them, how the Militia had watched every single second of their alone time together since Rook had gotten tied up in this mess. If not all of them, Tammy certainly had. One wrong thing said or one wrong look and the truth would be out in the open for everyone to see, and both Rook and Jacob would die pretty painful deaths. 

It was frustrating, because there was so much that Rook wanted to say. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry, that she had hoped they wouldn’t hurt him, but everyone else had told her she was wrong. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, that she’d never felt that way about anyone in her life before until he came along. She wanted to hold him and kiss him and stitch up his wounds and take fucking care of him until he was better.

She wanted to love him.

She wanted to feel his love, too. Because she knew it was there. From the moment they’d met for the first time on the mountains surrounding the Vet’s Center, she felt it in the way he looked at her. He felt something, he was right there with her in the way he saw her and the way she saw him. It was like they were meant to find each other, but that they were never meant to spend forever together. But who knew, really? Who knew? 

They could both die in a few minutes, whenever Tammy came back, and then they’d find out if they could be together after death. Maybe somewhere peaceful, with no fighting. Where they could spend their days together in the ways Rook had only dreamt about. 

Tammy barged in with a yell, and ran over to them, gun in hand. “Your fucking piece of shit Peggies are a pain in my ass, you know that,” she hissed at Jacob as she loaded her shotgun. “You want your fucking Herald? Here he is!” She shouted at the Peggies that Rook assumed had already gotten into the Wolf’s Den. 

Gun to his head, Jacob glanced at her one more time and she felt the insane amount of love that glance possessed. It was like a goodbye, a kiss on the head, a fucking hug and it made Rook’s heart ache. She’d never seen him look so vulnerable, so tender, so loving. 

Before she could register what was happening, Tammy was down and screaming on the ground in agony, and something hit Rook in the back of the head. The last thing she saw was someone wearing Peggie garb cutting Jacob’s zip ties, and the world went black.

~

Chapter Text

She felt softness on her body, warmth and comfort. Was she on a fucking cloud? It sure as hell felt like it. Rook let out a groan as she blinked at the bright light overhead, and wondered for a moment if she was dead, because it sure as shit felt like she was in heaven.

Only for a moment, though, because then the pain came back. Way too much pain for her not to be alive. She let out a hiss as her head throbbed, her legs itched to move but couldn’t without more pain lighting up along her nerves. Her stomach growled something fierce and she could tell her mouth was dry as could be. Where the hell was she and whose comfortable bed was she on? What the hell had happened?

That was when the memories flooded back. The Wolf’s Den, the sight of Jacob bloody and bruised across from her. The way Tammy had held that fucking stick to his head like she was going to beat him to death. The way she had tumbled to the ground with blood leaking out of her shoulder. Someone helping Jacob.

Jacob.

“Shit,” she croaked, attempting to sit up but letting out a scream of pain as her arms pulled her back to the bed. 

She glanced down to see that she was restrained. 

What the fuck?

Someone came rushing into the room as Rook continued to thrash and scream in pain, in annoyance, desperate to know where the fuck Jacob was and why the hell she was restrained. She could barely tell who it was that stood over her as her vision swam from the battle between desperation and the strong desire to go right back to sleep.

“You’re okay, Rook,” a soft voice said. It sounded like, but could not be, Faith’s voice. “Everything’s okay now.”

~

Rook woke up again feeling less pain but still the same type of panic, because before consciousness even fully returned to her, she was worried about Jacob. What the fuck had happened after she got knocked unconscious in the Wolf’s Den, and where the hell was she? It was cold and felt like a bunker, but it also felt a lot bigger than a bunker should feel. The room felt large. She wasn’t sure how she could possibly know or feel that, but she did. 

She sat up slower this time, and noticed the IV in her hand that was dripping what looked like fluids into her system. How long had she been out? Her eyes struggled to adjust to the light and her head throbbed with pain, while there was a buzzing in her ears that annoyed the absolute shit out of her. 

“You’re awake,” a cheerful voice said. 

“What the fuck?” she asked the detached voice that sounded annoyingly familiar.

“Of course the first thing out of your mouth is profanity.”

She blinked a few times to adjust her eyes to the light and suddenly John’s face was in front of her, blocking the light a bit, much to her relief and confusion. 

“John!?” 

“That is my name, yes.”

“What the...where the fuck am I?”

“You’re safe.”

“Okay. But where am I?” 

He sighed, his face looking as though he was debating about telling her something. Telling her what, she didn’t know, but it was infuriating. She needed to know where she was, needed to understand what the hell was going on and why the last time she was conscious, she was in the Wolf’s Den getting tortured, and now suddenly she was safe and comfortable and clearly healing.

“John...” she warned.

“You’ll be calm if I tell you, won’t you?”

“Fucking…” Rook considered it for a moment, “yes. Just tell me.”

“Well, we were worried because we hadn’t heard from you in a couple of days. We figured things had gone wrong with the Militia and we obviously had no way out of the bunker, so we panicked. Faith and I dug through everything in the bunker and were able to find another key and get out, thankfully. I suppose the original owner had considered the possibility of losing one key and needing another.”

Rook nodded, hoping to get him to move along. John, as if sensing that she wanted him to get the point, just smiled down at her as he continued.

“Of course, we were immediately greeted with hostility, because apparently all your friends knew where your bunker was and they were looking for you. Plus, they all thought we were dead so I think they were horrified and shocked to see us climbing out of your home.  However, Miss Adelaide prevented them from doing any harm, and said that we would be useful in negotiating something with Joseph.”

“Okay,” Rook replied. 

When the hell was he going to tell her where she was?

“Meanwhile, apparently Joseph was worried because he hadn’t heard from Jacob in a few days, and demanded that the Chosen locate the Wolf’s Den because that was the only place that made sense for Jacob to possibly be. A few of our best hunters went out and discovered the location after a day or so, and let Joseph know. They weren’t sure whether Jacob was there, but they decided it would be best to storm it anyway, just in case. So they prepared everything while we were working with Adelaide to find you, because we assumed you were with the Militia as well. 

“Ultimately, we planned for the same day as Joseph did, considering we ran into him and he was leading the attack. He was absolutely fanatical when he saw Faith and I because, as you well know, he’d thought we were dead for the last month or so. After plenty of hostility and an excessive amount of horrible words exchanged between everyone, Joseph made the decision to unite with the Resistance in order to rescue Jacob, and also to rescue you.”

“Why? Wouldn’t he think I was still the enemy?” Rook was so confused. 

“He said the Voice showed him a new path for you, and that you must be rescued with Jacob.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m not sure, Deputy. Joseph does not disclose all of his visions to us. Much of the time we are in the dark the same way the followers are.”

“Okay, so what happened after that?”

“When we saw the state of both of you, we were furious. I killed Tammy but we kept the others alive. I couldn’t help myself, Joseph scolded me later and now you and I have matching Wrath tattoos, it would seem. We found the tapes they’d kept of the two of you in that room and we were furious at Eli and his people, but Eli swore he hadn’t much of a hand in the torture.

“From there, well...we released the Militia to the rest of the Resistance on the grounds that they did not attack us while the two of you were healing. We agreed on a peace period. The Resistance wanted you to heal with them, to take you to the Hope County Jail, but Joseph was insistent that the two of you heal together. Again, he wouldn’t tell us why. Anyway, here’s where it gets interesting…”

Rook blinked at him. 

How was it not already interesting? How did John consider nothing that had already come out of his mouth absurdly confusing and crazy and something that was out of a fever dream Rook swore she had months ago when all this shit started?

John continued despite her annoyed expression, “as the Resistance agreed to let you stay in our care, with some persuasion from Miss Adelaide, we saw something in the distance. A huge mushroom cloud of smoke rose up, and the ground began to rumble. Joseph, in that moment, knew that he had been right. Another cloud came, more shaking and of course, the only bunker we could make it to was Jacob’s. Especially considering you decided to blow up both mine and Faith’s...but we were in the Whitetails, thankfully. So we ran. Somehow, as if God had willed it, everyone made it in. Resistance and Faithful alike.”

Rook stared at him, shocked and confused. “You’re fucking telling me that...that...what?” 

Had the world fucking ended? This was the part that John had decided to save for last? That bombs had dropped and they were currently in a fucking bunker underground, all smushed together for the next seven years? 

Rook’s chest constricted and her breath came in short as she tried to make sense of what he’d just told her.

“This is why I asked if you would be calm.”

“I am fucking calm considering the fact that you’re just now telling me that the world ended!” 

“Ah, yes, because shouting and the use of profanity are always indicative of a calm state.”

Rook growled. Such a fucking lawyer. “John. Am I stuck in a fucking bunker for seven years?”

“Yes. But it’s a big bunker. Nothing like the sad excuse of a home that you’d made out of the small one we were trapped in.”

Rook let out a sigh and rested her head in her hands for a moment, trying to just comprehend what John had spilled to her. The world above them was completely obliterated, probably. She was stuck in a bunker for seven goddamn years. Her friends and her enemies had somehow teamed up to save both Jacob and herself, which was completely fucking bonkers but...

Shit. Jacob.

“Is Jacob-”

“Fine. He’s still healing but he’s been up and about for a few days now.”

Rook let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “Okay.”

“I can find him, if you’d like.”

Normally, Rook would play it off and say something like ‘nah, that’s fine’ with a shrug of her shoulder, pretend that they weren’t in love - they weren’t even a couple, so it wasn’t like she needed to see him right away or anything, just whenever he comes to check on her, ya know? Cool as a cucumber. 

But all of that was fucking bullshit. 

Well, she wasn’t sure about the couple part. But when she’d looked at him in the Wolf’s Den, with Tammy’s fucking tree branch to his head, she knew she loved Jacob Seed more than she had ever loved anything. All she wanted right then was to see his face, to know that he was okay, to have him hold her in his arms and kiss her.

“Yeah, could you?”

John smiled at her and pulled on the radio fastened at his hip to speak into it. “Jacob, where are you? Over.”

They waited for a moment, Rook’s breath held in her throat as she waited for a response.

“What the hell do you want, John? Over.”

“Just thought you would like to know that our darling Deputy is awake.”

“Fuck,” Jacob grumbled as Rook heard what sounded like something crash in the background, and she and John shared a moment of laughter before Jacob spoke up again. “I’ll be there in ten. Over and out.”

John looked at her with a smile and stood from his seat on the bed. “I know this wasn’t the outcome you were looking for, Rook,” he said after a moment of studying her face. “But you did what you wanted to do all along. You brought peace.”

With that, he left, and Rook stared after him - if she were a cartoon character, her jaw would be touching the ground. 

Had she really? Or was there something else coming? 

She let out a sigh as she laid back against the pillows and sipped at the cup of water that was left for her on the table next to her bed. Several minutes later, Jacob came running in (well, hobbling. He had a not-so-great limp going on) and swept her up into his arms as he sat down in John’s vacated location on the side of her bed. 

“Fucking hell,” he said as he breathed deeply into her hair. “When I saw you in that room, I got so…”

“I know,” Rook replied, wrapping her arms around his large frame. “I know.”

“I thought…”

“I thought Tammy was going to fucking kill you,” Rook said. “I didn’t...I was so scared, Jacob.”

He pulled away to look at her face but kept one arm around her as his other hand came up to touch her cheek. He brushed it with his thumb for a moment before he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers, which made Rook fucking melt. 

“You didn’t seem scared,” he said with a chuckle when he pulled away. “You were fucking brave. Strong, too.”

“Didn’t feel like it.”

“Don’t matter. You were.”

He pressed another kiss to her lips, and Rook let out a sigh as she fell into his embrace. 

~

Chapter Text

It took about two weeks for Jacob to even allow Rook to leave the infirmary. He was terrified that she’d somehow hurt herself again. Though he’d never admit it.

She had her own room, which was more like a one bedroom apartment. It came with a little kitchen area, a couch with an old as shit TV that could play DVDs, and a nice bathroom that was an insane improvement from the bathroom she’d had in the bunker. 

However, she stayed with Jacob most nights. His quarters were much bigger than hers, which made sense since he was one of the cult’s leaders. Plus, his bed was bigger, and more comfortable if she were honest with herself. So, she settled in there. 

On her third day out of the infirmary, while they were eating soup in silence (because, Rook learned, Jacob mostly ate in silence. Not that she minded, though). Out of nowhere, Jacob spoke.

“I think the worst part about the whole thing was hearing that you told people I raped you.”

Rook sputtered on the broth of the chicken noodle soup - the only goddamn thing she’d been allowed to eat while she healed for some stupid reason - and nearly choked on one of the slimy noodles sliding down her throat.

“You think I didn’t hear that shit?” he asked.

He wasn’t even looking at her, and Rook knew that meant she’d really fucked up. 

“I just…I was so desperate, Jacob.”

He nodded. “Oh, I know why you did it, honey. Doesn’t mean it didn’t…” 

He trailed off. Rook knew he wasn’t going to admit that it hurt him - he was way too fucking proud for that. But she could feel it in the way he spoke, the fact that he wouldn’t even look at her. She’d gotten pretty damn good at reading him in their time together - because she had to - the man was a closed fucking book. Unless he was having a bit of a breakdown.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I’ve done a lot of bad in my life,” he said, stirring his soup around in his bowl and keeping his eyes fixated on the motion. “A lot of bad. But that is something I would never, ever do.”

Rook nodded. “I know.”

She was desperate to crack a joke, to lighten the mood. But that wouldn’t have been fair and she knew that. So she bit down hard on her tongue to stop herself from even attempting it. 

“It was the only thing I could think of that might get the Resistance to believe me.”

Jacob nodded, stirring his soup. He didn’t speak for a few minutes, and Rook had to physically bite her tongue not to try and fill the silence. That was another thing she’d learned about Jacob - those moments of silence didn’t need filling. Sometimes Jacob just wanted to be in the same space as her. 

Then he looked up at her with the most deadpan expression on his face. “‘Til anyone got a look at your journal apparently.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Rook said, her face going hot.

“‘Fuck you raw so hard til you forget your name’?” 

“Jacob!” Rook whined, and he laughed darkly, finally looking up from his soup. “That was so beyond humiliating.”

He chuckled lowly and took another bite of soup before he spoke again.

“You know what’s worse?”

Rook sighed. “What?”

“If Tammy read it, you know Eli’s read that shit too.”

Rook groaned and wiped her hands down her face. “Oh, God. Don’t even say that. I’ll never be able to look that man in the eye.” 

“It’s a shame I never got to take a look at it,” Jacob said. “Would’ve made good on my promise.”

Rook looked up at him with a smile, despite the embarrassment she felt. “Well, you’ve done a pretty good job so far.”

Jacob just smirked. “Finish your soup.”

~

After a week in her new home for the next seven years, a knock sounded at the door while Rook was there alone due to Jacob having something to do around the bunker. When she opened the door, Rook found herself face to face with Joseph. He looked at her like he always did, as if he was somehow staring deep inside her soul without much effort, and it creeped her out so much that she physically had to move away from him. 

“Hi,” was all she said as she shut the door behind him when he walked in.

“I see Jacob has been keeping a close eye on you,” Joseph said, a soft smile on his face. 

Rook winced at the wording, waiting for it to have some sort of double meaning, but it didn’t seem to, because Joseph continued on. She realized she’d spent way too much time with John to assume Joseph the Father Seed was going to try and make innuendos. 

“You both gave us quite the scare. I am thankful to God that you are alright.”

Was it really any act of God that saved either of them? Maybe, Rook supposed. She had no way of knowing. But it felt more like sheer coincidence. 

The real act of God was getting the Peggies and the Resistance to unite for a common goal - because who the fuck thought that would ever happen?

“I would like to let you know about something the Voice showed me just before we set out to find you.”

Ah, here we go, Rook thought. Joseph’s new vision that involves me and Jacob somehow needing to be together. 

For a moment, she wished Jacob was there with her, just to act as some sort of buffer. Joseph’s intense energy was uncomfortable, to say the least.

“You were standing with us in New Eden,” Joseph said. “You were standing with my brother.”

“Oh,” was all Rook could say.

“You’ve helped him more than you could ever understand, Deputy. John informed me that while yes, you two were committing some...sinful acts, that there was something else there that he noticed. He noticed the way Jacob looked at you.”

Rook sat down on the couch and gestured for Joseph to sit down as well. He did, albeit a bit too fucking close for her liking, but that was his thing so she just let it happen. 

“How did he look at me?”

“He looked at you like he cared. Like he wanted to keep you safe. Like he loved you.”

Oh, while it was great to hear ‘I love you’ for the first time from a significant other, it wasn’t as fucking great to hear it from his brother first. Rook’s blush was deep, she could feel it. Face hot, her hands clammy. 

Ugh, it was embarrassing. 

“I know the two of you haven’t said that to each other yet,” Joseph continued, as if he could also read minds. 

Maybe it was a genetic thing but Rook was absolutely screwed if she was stuck spending her life with a family that could just somehow read her every thought. 

“But I see it. John sees it. Faith as well.”

What was she supposed to say to that?

“And on the topic of John and Faith,” Joseph continued. “I will never be able to show you the immense gratitude I have for you that you saved them and helped them heal and treated them well.”

“Um…” Rook replied. “Listen. About that…”

“John told me your initial plan. To use them as leverage to arrest me, or to arrest all of us once the time came.”

“Yeah.”

“That didn’t mean you had to show them kindness or humanity in any form. And you did. Faith told me you even guessed that she was a vegetarian and brought her a veggie burger. John said that whenever he asked, you brought pizza home for them, which is his absolute favorite. You treated them as they would not have treated you should you have fallen into their grasp, and that shows the kind of person you are, Rook.”

“What kind of person am I?”

“Kind, compassionate, loving, caring, empathetic.”

Wow. That was a whole lot of adjectives from someone who did not know her very well. And she didn’t feel she really was any of those things. She was just a fucking softie who tried to see the best in people who appeared to be the worst. 

“I just…” Rook took a breath, not knowing what to even say to him. “They...they were annoying little shits, but I grew to really enjoy their company.”

“They grew to enjoy yours as well.”

Rook smiled. “I’m glad.”

“Faith has missed you, she asked if she could stop by sometime over the next few days to thank you for everything.”

“She doesn’t have to-”

“Rook,” Joseph stopped her. “She’s a loving spirit, just like you.”

With that, he stood. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, which was so fucking weird but also not that unexpected from Joseph Seed, the king of not understanding appropriate behavior or personal space. 

“Once you are well enough to come around, I’m sure your friends would also want to see you, too.”

~

Her friends acted the opposite of how Rook expected when she sat down with them at a table in the mess hall for the first time a week and a half later. 

Jacob had been bringing her food, not really keen on her walking about the bunker by herself yet. But when she’d explained that she wanted to see her friends, he had wanted to stay as far away from that as possible. 

So, she sat down alone while he ate across the room with John, Faith and Joseph. 

“There you are, honeybunch!” Addie said with a smile as she hugged Rook close. “Was worried about ya. You looked banged up real bad.”

“Yeah,” Nick said. “Not gonna lie, I thought that Tammy got a little excessive with what she’d done to the two of you.”

Rook nodded. “It was awful. That’s for fucking sure.”

“Jake-n-Bake still fuckin’ limpin’ around like an old man?” Sharky asked with a laugh. “Man, I thought I’d get to see him walkin’ with some sorta cane. Woulda been pretty funny.”

“It’s gotten better, so you won’t get to see that, unfortunately.”

“The two of you…” Jess said, her tone still harsh but less so than it had been for a good long while. “You like some sorta thing?”

“Yeah,” Rook replied, her cheeks red. 

“So…” Jess replied. “You made up the entire rape situation?”

There was a pause and the entire table got quiet. Rook bit her lip. She was hoping she wouldn’t have to talk about this, but that was foolish of her and she knew it. 

“Yeah,” Rook said lamely. “I’m sorry…it was such a desperate situation.”

“That’s fucked up, Rook,” Jess said.

“Trust me, I know,” Rook replied. “I’m so sorry.”

“Kinda makes sense why you did it,” Grace said. “Even though it wasn’t cool.”

“Believe me,” Rook said. “I felt like shit about it.”

Thankfully, they moved on. Honestly, she still felt the guilt eating away at her for it, though. She wasn’t sure that was something she would get over, even in the 7 years they would be stuck in the bunker. Jess was also colder to her than usual, and Rook was almost certain that she was the one who had leaked everything to the Whitetails, though she couldn’t be sure. And Rook wasn’t sure she’d ever have the balls to ask.

She glanced across the mess hall and looked at Jacob, talking to his brothers and Faith. He seemed to sense someone was watching him, and his eyes met hers. He gave her the smallest of smiles, which she returned. He sent a wink her way and she smiled bigger. 

Addie’s throat clearing caught her attention and she returned it to her friends.

“You two ever need a third, call me right on up,” Addie said, which made Hurk Jr. wail as if he was in pain. 

“Momma, that’s just darn near the grossest thing I ever heard.”

“If that’s the grossest thing you ever heard, you ain’t my son.”

Hurk buried his head in his hands and shook his head, as if he was trying to get that mental image out of it physically. Rook laughed, genuinely laughed, for the first time in a while. She glanced around the mess hall and saw that the Faithful and the other residents of Hope County who had made it to the bunker were still pretty divided, but they were existing together. That was a step. A small one, sure, but a step nonetheless.

~