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Chapter Text

The only perk of having your family close to your own home is that they can help you with a impulsive dinner you just set up three hours ago. Joe was going to have his boyfriend’s parents at his home because their plain to go to England had a tecnical problem and their one hour connection in LA turned out to be a over-night connection. Ben was thrilled to see his parents, that he hasn’t seen since Christmas, and Joe was pretty nervous because he had plans for this dinner.

Joe’s dad was still at work – and the ginger man texted him to go straight to his home after work – but his mother was happy to help him with the roast. As a british person she knew how to make a roast, even though she has lived in America since the nineties and she hasn’t cooked a roast very often.

“Ben said their parents like roast so much, mom.” Joe was all nerves with this dinner.

“They will probably make fun of american people trying to make a roast.” giggled Veronica.

“Did you miss England, mom?” the ginger man looked to her, who wore a sad smile.

“Only sometimes. But your grandparents are dead and my family is here now.” And she started to give more attention to the food, what Joe understood as a way to finish the conversation.

Joe received a text from Ben saying that he has just taken his parents at the airport, and they were going first to his apartment and then to Joe’s place. His heart was racing now. The moment he’s been waiting for is coming.

“Go shower, dude. You’re stinking.” said Luke, passing next to Joe without take his eyes off the phone.

“He’s right, Joe.” pointed his mom.

Joe ran to his bedroom, to take a shower and to change his clothes. He needed to be well dressed to the arrival of Ben’s parents. He’s only seen some pictures of them, and Joe must say he understood why the blond is so hot; even at their fourties Mr and Mrs Taylor are pretty gorgeous.

The ginger was combing his hair when the bell rang. His hands started to shake and he took some deep breaths. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” praised Joe, panicking, but when he looked at the mirror and said, serious: “You can do this, you idiot.”

Joe got out of his bedroom smiling, and he found Ben with his parents at the living room, being greeting by his mom and his other brother Cameron. They looked a bit tired; Mr Taylor was saying that they had been spending a week in Brazil and they were just going back home when the problem at the airport happened, but they weren’t angry with it. Mrs Taylor was kissing her son’s cheek while Ben was asking her to stop, between laughs.

“Joey!” exclaimed Ben with his strong british accent – Joe always mocks him for never losing it even though Ben has been living in LA for five years – and he saw his boyfriend staying still in the wall, so the blond walked to him, giving him a peck with a smile. “Come finally meet my parents.”

“Finally! We went to England during the press tour and I didn’t meet them. I thought you were hiding them from me.” teased Joe, more to try to break the tension inside him.

But it was okay, because Ben’s parents laughed with the ginger’s comment. “Nonsense. Ben talks everytime about you.” said Mrs Taylor.

“Big time.” added Mr Taylor, with a nod.

“It’s such a pleasure meet you two, Mr and Mrs Taylor.” Joe extended his hand, shaking quickly their hands.

“Stop it, boy. For you we are Roger” the blond man pointed to himself “and Debbie.” Roger pointed to his wife.

“Ben said to us you did a dinner. You didn’t have to, dear.” smiled Debbie.

“Correction: my mom did, I’m terrible at cooking.” cleared out Joe.

“Is it a break-up point, Benjamin?” teased Veronica.

“He has been saying this since the beginning, so I know where I was getting into, Mrs De-” but Ben was cut by his phone ringing. “It’s Gwil, I have to take it.”

Joe called Mr and Mrs Taylor to sit at the couch, asking them how was their trip to Brazil, they two getting pretty excited to talk about the beaches and the nights they spent at Salvador and Fortaleza, and saying next time Joe and Ben should go with them too.

After some minutes Ben sat along with them, next to Joe, hearing his parents’ stories about they trying to dance samba and forró and failing horribly, they four laughing with the way Mr Taylor was telling. Ben rested his head on Joe’s shoulder, pretty comfortable of being touchy with his boyfriend in front of his parents, the other one didn’t mind at all.

“The dinner is ready. Joe, can you please call Luke to come get dinner?” spoke Veronica.

“Be right back, guys. Please, feel yourselves at home.” Joe smiled and went out of his house.

His parents’ house was two blocks away from his. For most people it looks pretty lame to live next to their parents, but Joe never complained; his family is very close, and being around was just logical for him.

When Joe came at his parents’ house he didn’t knock at the front door, just getting in and calling “Luke, where are you? Dinner is ready.”

“Not hungry.” just said Luke, probably at his bedroom.

Joe took a deep breath. He fucking knew what this was about, and to be fair he wasn’t even shocked. But he was also not giving a fuck, because he was worried about bigger things, so Joe just said “Okay. I ask mom to get some for you later.”

“Nice.”

And Joe walked away.

When he was getting out of the house, he saw his dad parking his car in front of his house. Joe smiled when he saw the man getting out the car.

“Hi, Joseph. The dinner isn’t ready yet? I’m a bit hungry.” he asked, closing the car.

“It is, I was just calling Luke. He won’t come.” Joe shrugged.

Joe’s dad’s face changed, getting a red tone. “Let me have a word with him.”

But Joe grabbed on his dad’s arm. “Please, don’t. We can talk about it later. I just want to have a nice dinner. Ben’s parents are there and-”

“You didn’t say they are there.” he turned around and started to walk to Joe’s house, his son walking next to him.

And Joe started to explain the problem with their flight, and all the stories they said to him, and how he’s happy to meet them, and to his parents meet them.

Joe’s dad could, indeed, see the happiness on his son’s eyes. A shine that always has been on his eyes since Joe started to film the movie where he met Ben. He likes the blond; he’s polite and pretty charming.

He couldn’t pretend that he didn’t remind him someone from his own past.

“They seem pretty nice.” commented the man.

“Yes, Mr Deacon. They are. And this dinner will be amazing.” Joe assured, with a smile.

Joe asked his dad how it was at the studio today, and Mr Deacon answered, filling their walk to Joe’s house talking about new music projects the older man was getting into. The ginger knew how much he liked music, even though in some moments he thinks his father wasn’t completely happy, but he left this thoughts only to himself. He could be wrong after all.

When they arrived at Joe’s front door, his dad asked “Am I not too messy to this?”

“Not at all, dad. Let’s go meet Debbie and Roger Taylor.” Joe smiled softly to his dad.

And when he turned around to open the door he missed the older one gasping. “Who?”

But Joe didn’t notice, getting inside and taking his dad with him. “Guys, dad came with me. Mr and Mrs Taylor, meet my amazing dad, John Deacon.” announced Joe.

The same face John was wearing was printed on Roger’s: pure horror.

Chapter Text

The others took a moment to understand there was something wrong. Roger Taylor and John Deacon were looking at each other like they were seeing a ghost. A pretty ugly and horrible ghost. Joe and Ben were smiling, but as soon as they saw their dad’s faces at each other, the happiness on their faces was replaced by a new feeling: confusion.

“What is wrong, guys?” Ben asked, looking at his boyfriend’s father and his own.

That probably made John pulled out from the cloudy place where his imagination was since he put his eyes on the older blond man. He slightly shook his head and looked to his son’s boyfriend. “Sorry, it’s just a terrible headache. Too much work.”

“Dad, that wasn’t your headache face.” pointed Joe, unconvinced.

“Joe, it wasn’t nice from you to argue with me in front of the guests.” John gave a warning smile to his son. “Where’s Veronica?”

“Veronica...How I didn’t notice?” whispered Roger, looking down.

“Dad, are you sure you’re okay?” Ben turned around to the man.

Roger looked at his son. He needed to play cool with him. “Yeah, just a bit tired.” said the blond.

“Rog, we need to talk.” Debbie grabbed her husband’s hand, but he slowly shoved it off.

“Not now, Debbie. I know, okay? But not now.” Roger spoke back, in a low tone.

“Can anybody, please, explain me what’s going on?” Cameron, who was the whole time listening music on his earphones, questioned.

But they heard the sound of a bottle being opened, and everybody looked at the kitchen. Veronica appeared with a bottle of red wine in her hands, smiling, unaware of what happened. “I thought it’d be nice to drink with the roast. Is that okay, Joe?”

“Of course, mom.” the ginger smiled, and then he looked again at his dad.

“I need to go to the bathroom. Can you show me, er...Sorry, I didn’t really catch your name.” Roger showed his best charming smile.

“John.” Joe’s dad said, in a bland tone.

“Can you show me, John?”

“Of course. Follow me.”

John walked to the hall that gives access to the guests’ bathroom, while everyone (unless Veronica) looked at both of them leaving with a weird feeling. They didn’t exchange a word while they were going to the bathroom’s door. Looking in each other’s eyes seemed too weird.

The brunet turned to the other, being calmer than before. “So, Roger, long time sin-”

“Please, cut this crap.” Roger sharply said. “Let’s do things simpler: We’ll say we were bandmates back in England and we had an argue and you left the band. We won’t tell any lie.”

“But...what If they ask more?” John panicked.

“We argued and I punched you.”

“You did punch me.”

“Can we not talk about it? Not now?”

And their eyes met. Almost twenty-two years since that grayish-green haven’t met the blue. And all these years haven’t made that look be less painful.

They grow old. They grow apart.

John scanned Roger’s face, trying to see what’s different since the last time they saw each other, in that rainy night. Yeah, Roger has some gray hair, like him, it’s shorter than before, and he gained some weight and a couple of wrinkles around his eyes. But he’s still Roger.

The blond man did the same, counting with his eyes what is new (at least for him) at John’s looks. He’s with a gray short hair, he looks more serious than he was in the old days, but he still remains with an etheral aura, and his wrinkles made his eyes look smaller. But he’s still John.

“You’re taking too long. Go back there.” Roger said, entering into the bathroom.

Roger closed the door and rested his back on it, shutting his eyes and breathing deeply. “Holy shit.” he spoke to himself, but not really believing. “Big trouble, big trouble.” And the blond felt a burning rising on his eyes. “No. You’re not gonna cry, you sucker.”

But it’s too late. The tears were already running on his face, making his cheeks wet. In his teen days Roger could punch the mirror of the sink, but he couldn’t anymore. He’s a fucking man. But what to do with the pain that’s filling his body?

He opened his eyes, turned the tap on and with one hand he gently throw water on his face. Roger couldn’t have a breakdown on Ben’s boyfriend’s house, he just couldn’t.

All the stupid things that happened should be in the past. It didn’t matter how his heart jumped when he saw John Deacon for the first time in almost three decades.

Looking to his own reflection, Roger murmured “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.”

He turned off the tap, cleaned his face with a towel and got out of the bathroom, like nothing had happened.

---

The dinner was basically Joe and Ben telling to the others their funny stories in England, like when Joe met Rory and Tiger, Ben’s sisters, and they made the ginger sing Purple Rain in the karaoke. Mr and Mrs Taylor, Cameron and Veronica were listening to it with attention. John was pretty quiet, but it isn’t unusual, especially when he’s eating.

“I should say I’m glad you’re an actor, because if you were a singer you’d die of starvation.” teased Ben.

“Sorry if I don’t have the genes for singing, like you. Although my dad, Mr and Mrs Taylor, played the bass on a band when he was a teen.” Joe said, proudly. “He still plays it if we ask nicely, right dad?”

“I was better back then.” commented John, without lasting the talk.

Veronica, then, asked about Rory and Tiger, wanting to know more about them, and the Taylor family started talking about them. Ben had a nostalgic tone while talked about his siblings; he missed them a lot, and even If they see each other at least once a week by videochats he likes to hang out with them. They were the reason Ben had the guts to ask Joe out, and that’s why the ginger call them ‘guardian angels’.

When they finished eating, Veronica asked her husband to grab another bottle of wine, and he immediately stood up. Anything to be as far away from Roger.

Since the moment he put his eyes on the blond, John felt himself like a 18 years old again, and he could almost feel the rain drops that fell on him that days, years and years ago, touching his skin. He knew he couldn’t ask a better treatment by Roger, but the man at least expected the other wouldn’t have the resentment anymore. They weren’t teens anymore. They’re parents now, and their kids are together, so the least they could do was to be respectful with each other.

But, as John saw until now, Roger didn’t lose his bad temper.

The man was holding a nice bottle of wine and he was coming back to the table when he saw Joe standing up and putting his hand on his pocket, just to get on his knee and take out of his pocket a little box. When he opened it, everyone saw a shining ring.

Ben looked shocked to the ring and then to Joe, who was wearing a big smile, and then back to the ring.

“Benjamin, since the day I first saw you my heart just stopped. My first thought was that you weren’t real. But then, when we started to know each other, I realized you’re real and you’re around me. When you said I was your friend, I liked so much, but it isn’t good enough for me. I wanted more, and we waited to finish that damn movie and spended some months apart just to realize that we loved each other. Thank God you asked me out.” laughed Joe, between tears, and by now Ben was a mess too. “I swear to God I’d ask you out in the day after. But you did, and it was awesome. And everyday since you became my boyfriend is a bless, and I love you, like I never loved anyone else. And since you like to call me by my artistic name, I’ll call you by yours. Ben Hardy, would you marry me?”

The bottle of wine fell on the ground, making a noise of broken glass.

“Holy fuck.” John and Roger said, at the same time.

Chapter Text

“John, are you okay?” asked Veronica, walking towards her husband, looking at the mess the wine made on the floor.

But John didn’t care about that but about the scene he has just witnessed. “You can’t marry him, Joe.” claimed John, his voice shaking.

Joe was standing up slowly, seeming pretty puzzled with his father’s behavior. He has accepted him since the day Joe came out of the closet, hugging him tight and saying that he’s proud for his son not being afraid to be himself. He met Ben months ago and they got along right away, John teasing about Ben’s strong accent right and then – even though he has never left his british accent himself – and Ben feeling comfortable enough to play back.

So his dad saying that he couldn’t marry the love of his life didn’t match with his preview acts.

“Is dad insane, mom?” asked Cameron, next to his mother.

“Ben, I think we should leave to let them talk. Just the family.” Roger spoke, looking directly to his son.

“No, please, stay.” Joe antecipated, raising his hands as asking them to stop. “I just need a word with my dad, just for five minutes.”

“He’s right, Joe. We need to discuss this.” John took two steps forward his son, who widened his eyes, shocked.

“Discuss what? I asked Ben to marry me, the only ones who need to discuss this is me and him.”

“Love, I think our dads are right.” Ben said, making his boyfriend devastated. “But my answer is yes. Of course I will marry you.” the blond smiled widely and wrapped his arms around Joe before they kissed.

John and Roger gasped before they saw their kids kissing, looking to each other and then back to them.

They were fucked.

“I love you so, so much.” whispered Joe, after the kiss.

“Me too, Joey.” Ben spoke, and opening his eyes he looked a bit more tense. “We can talk better later. In another dinner.”

And after that the Taylors awkwardly said goodbye to the Deacons and just left.

---

John opened the front door wearing a tired face, followed by his wife and his two sons, with one of them still pretty upset with the scene at the dinner.

“Why don’t you finally tell me what is wrong with you, dad?” asked Joe.

John sighed loudly. “There’s nothing wrong with me! I just think you and Ben has just met too soon to make this step!”

“But it’s not your decision!”

“Jesus, what’s going on?” Luke appeared in the living room on his pijamas, annoyed with the noise his family were making.

“Joe proposed Ben.” said Cameron, thrilled.

But, of course, Joe’s other brother wasn’t. “You what?!?!”

“Please, Luke, not now.” Veronica rolled her eyes, already knowing the storm would be made on her roof.

“It’s already bad enough for me that you made that stupid gay film with him, and now you need to marry him?” shouted the boy.

“The problem is on you, Luke, you homophobic shit!” yelled Joe, and Cameron needed to step between the two or something could happen.

“Enough.” John said, in a warning tone that made his sons stop and stay quiet. “Luke, go to your room and don’t you dare to sleep. We need to have a really serious talk about your behavior. Cameron, please, go to your room as well. Your mom and I need to have a word with Joseph.”

The younger siblings went to their respective bedrooms, leaving Joe angry and stressed with their parents. John sat on his favorite chair, Veronica next to him, and Joe stayed standing, his arms crossed.

“Look, son-” John started, but soon was cut by the ginger.

“I just wanted to understand why it’s so hard for you to accept that I love Ben enough to spend the rest of my life with him.” Joe shot, exasperated. And he looked to his mom. “Say you don’t think the same, mom.”

Veronica looked first to her husband and then to Joe. “I don’t think it’s the best. I mean, you’re only twenty-one, dear!” she saw Joe rolling his eyes. “You’ve just made your first big movie, there’s so many things to explore and to do.”

“I can do all of this being married. You two married much younger than I am now.”

“Different times, different reasons.” John commented, in a low tone.

“Don’t play the ‘it was Joe’s fault’ card.”

“Joe, don’t say like that.” Joe knew he messed up when he heard his mother’s voice, and she was hurt.

“I didn’t mean like that, mom. I...I just love Ben so much. Everybody in the world wants to find somebody to love, and I found it very soon, just like you and dad.” Joe walked towards his mom and grabbed her hands, squeezing a little, and she showed up a small smile.

“But you aren’t estabilized in your careers, both of you. And marriage is love, but also means bills, children, all the package.” The older man pointed.

Joe was exhausted to argue with his dad. When he pictured that dinner, with him proposing to Ben, he imagined his father hugging they two right away, with a big smile on his face, maybe filming the whole thing. But he didn’t imagine, not even for a second, that his father could make things difficult.

He would never think to not marry Ben. This was off the table. But John’s support was pretty important for him too.

“We just want you to think a bit about it. Discuss with yourself if this isn’t just an impulse, you know.” John said, still worried. “Get some sleep, make a pros and cons list, do what you mind, and then come to us.”

“We love you and want you to be happy, but we also want you to make responsible choices.” Veronica argumented, John nodding after.

Joe just shook his head and started to walk to the front door. John got up and opened to his son, feeling pretty weird with the whole situation. He loved his son the so much, sometimes more than himself, but he really wanted that Joe not to marry Roger’s son.

“Please, don’t be mad at your old man.” John smiled a bit, when Joe passed through the open door.

“I’m not. I just thought this night would be different.” the ginger shrugged and walked away.

--- 

“You what?” Ben wasn’t believing what he just heard.

“I don’t think you should marry just now.” commented Roger, getting into his and Debbie’s hotel room, his wife and son entering after him.

The older man just laid down in a bed, feeling suddenly tired. It was a hell of a day. Too many memories being revealed. And now his son was engaged with John’s son, and it couldn’t be worse.

Past met present and now everything’s a big shit.

“Dad, I really love you and I always hear your opinions, but this was never something I asked you for. Especially when I’m already legal to marry whoever I want.” Ben was pretty serious about it.

Before Roger could respond, Debbie’s phone started to ring, and she saw it was Tiger.

“Tiger, sweetie, can I call you later? Your father and I are with Ben right now and-” the blond woman was saying, but soon another female voice started to speak.

“Did he propose already? Joe proposed Ben?” the call was on speaker, and the entire room heard her.

“Did you know, you little bastard?” Ben laughed.

“Joe asked us weeks ago about your ring size, so we just did the math.” Rory’s voice was cheerful, and they heard the girls giggling.

“Girls, daddy loves you, but we need to finish a talk with your old brother.” Roger stood up and gently handed his wife’s phone.

“Dad, don’t hang-” but Roger already did.

Ben wasn’t recognizing his own dad. Roger never had a homophobic attitude – he’s a close friend of Freddie Mercury, one of the most flamboyant persons Ben has ever met, after all – and since Ben said he was having a crush for his movie partner he encouraged him to move forward and seemed pretty happy when Ben started to date Joe, even when they haven’t seen each other personally.

And he saying he didn’t want Ben to marry someone was making the young blond doubt his father.

“You seem pretty odd since the dinner, and now you don’t want me to marry Joe. I need explanations.” Ben was hurt, and his parents could see by his serious look. “Mom, please say you don’t agree with this.”

“I don’t totally disagree.” Debbie said, putting his hand on Roger’s shoulder. “You two are very young, this can be a hushed move, dear.”

“I bet you didn’t think that when it was your time.” The boy’s tone was sharpy.

“Watch it, kid. We are still your bloody parents.” Roger pointed his finger at Ben as a warning.

“How long have you met ? A year and a half? It’s too soon, Benjamin. It’s just our concern.” The blond woman finished.

“It’s still my decision, not yours.” Ben turned around, starting to feel his head aching.

For two bloody minutes he was the happiest man alive. In the moment he saw Joe getting down on his knees, saying those words to him, eyes wet of joy. His heart just jumped like crazy, and he knew that, since the moment he put his eyes on Joe the blond had a good feeling about him. And tonight, when the ginger asked him to be his husband, Ben was more sure about it. It seemed the end of a circle, just to begin a new one. And when Joe asked those four words, the world just stopped and they two got in a little bubble.

That was thrown away by their fathers.

“Hey, we are with you anyways. Just think a bit more about it, please.” Roger asked, making his son turned to look at him again.

“Please.” Added Debbie.

“I’m not okay with your attitude, dad, but I will think about it.” Ben nodded, in the end. “But we will attend a dinner for Joe’s family, in two days.”

“Ben, I need to go back to England tomorrow. I have a meeting-” Roger pointed, anxious. The least he wanted was to see John again this soon.

“Dad, I don’t give a damn. You made a big mess today, now you will stay to clean it up.”

The blond went to his own flat, leaving Roger and Debbie finally alone. The man laid down again in the bed, the woman watching him closing his eyes and scratch them.

“Now can we talk about it?” Debbie crossed her arms.

“Ugh, Deborah...Really?” groaned the blond man. He just wanted to sleep and pretend for some hours this day never happened.

But his wife was decided. “Yeah, really.”

Chapter Text

Roger was really tired of looking for new bassists. It’s the sixth that quit and honestly he’d not miss this one. The drummer knew how the rhythm sections needs to harmonize the song, so to this they need to have a connection, a good bonding. And he definitely didn’t have a good one with this guy.

“He’s too hot-headed, and I barely handle my own hot head!” exclaimed the blond.

“And now we need to go back to the bass player hunting again.” sighed Freddie.

Roger couldn’t complain about Freddie. Like his old friend, he just wanted to be famous pretty soon. He couldn’t handle going to college and doing some boring major like Brian; to the guitar player it would be okay having a band and a degree, but Roger only wanted the first piece.

Freddie Mercury chose the band name. First they were Smile, and now they are Queen. Roger couldn’t say he didn’t like the new name. It’s strong, and easier to stick in the people’s heads. The band already had an amazing front man, a skilled guitarist and a killer drummer. But they still needed someone to truly fit in the bass.

When Brian said he found a person to audition to the band, Roger’s expectations were pretty low. The comings and goings in the band were frequent since last year, so until the bass player lasts at least for five months he wouldn’t win victory.

In the day of the audition Roger was the first to arrive in the auditorium, and he laughed with himself about the fact that he arrived earlier than Brian, and he probably would tease his friend about it all day. Looking to his clock he saw he was half an hour earlier, so he could take a nap until his friends showed up.

And he dreamed about one of his usual dreams: he, Freddie, Brian and someone else in front of a big crowd, everyone screaming their names and the name of Queen, singing their songs with passion and a lot of girls going hysterical when he waved to them at the end of the show. Roger always wanted to be famous, and he knew the potential of Queen, and the only reason they weren’t there yet was because the fourth part was still missing. The bassist that Queen needed wasn’t with them yet.

“Wake up, blondie!” shouted Freddie, shaking his shoulders strongly.

Roger raised his head in panick, not knowing at first where he was, and he could hear two people giggling with it, but he didn’t mind, and after a while he realized where he was and what he was doing there.

“Great way to wake someone up. You’re the best friend.” Roger’s tone was sarcastic.

“Anytime, lovie.” grinned Freddie.

“I must say I’m shocked that you’re here, so I took a picture to remind this moment.” Brian said, showing his camera in hands.

“I’m surrounded by amazing mates, definitely.”

“Don’t mind this annoying thing, John, he stays in the back, and we almost forget he’s there.” Freddie smiled to someone, and Roger finally looked up.

The third person of the conversation was a brown haired boy that should be a year or two younger than him, probably still in sixth form, and his features were so serious, even though he was wearing a smile. His eyes were shining over a peculiar colour between green and gray, and they showed kindness. His hands were firmly holding a bass case and an amp.

John – as Freddie called him – looked a nice boy, and instantly Roger felt that he needed to return the smile.

“Hi, John, I’m Roger Taylor, the drummer and the most important member of Queen.” Roger stood up and extended his hand to the brown haired man.

Freddie sighed in disbelief and Brian rolled his eyes.

“I’m John Deacon, I’m trying to be a member of Queen, and maybe take your spot as the most important one.” The boy grinned, a red tone appearing over his cheeks.

“Cheeky this little thing, hun?” Roger raised an eyebrow, amused.

“ I’m taller than you.”

Freddie saw they’d be like this for a while if he let it, so the front man said that John could perform now, finishing their talk. Roger walked along his bandmates to sit in the auditorium seats. Now far away from him, the drummer could see that the brown haired man was nervous and anxious, and he really hoped that he was as good as Brian praised to him be.

John’s shyness could fit with the bassist stereotype, and Queen couldn’t afford another big ego, or the band could explode.

“When you’re ready, mate.” said Roger, and when John looked to him he gave a supportive smile, the boy nodding to thank him.

The brown haired man took some deep breaths, his bass already tuned in the amp, and he closed his eyes, fingering lazily on the chords, just to feel them. And he started.

As soon he started Roger saw something on him. John was a natural; he was younger – Brian just whispered he’s just 18 – but he knew how to play, he knew his bass so well. He’s playing just by the emotion, his eyes closed and feeling the vibration of the strands on his fingertips. Just a truly musician could do that, good ones at least. And John was a good one, that Roger was sure.

Besides that, a new person embodied on the stage, a more confident boy.

After John jamming for half a hour, he stopped and waited for the other three’s decision; they only accept a member if it’s a consence. Roger was thinking of ways to blackmailing Freddie and Brian if they didn’t say yes to John.

“That was marvellous, John. I’d love to have you in the band. For me is a yes.” Freddie said, in pure ecstasy.

“Me too. You’re insanely good, mate.” Brian smiled.

John looked to Roger, biting his own lip.

“Welcome to Queen, Deacon.” the drummer grinned.

---

“When you will say the truth to our kids, Rog? Now you’re holding two secrets. There’s ours and by the way this night was you’re holding John’s too.” Debbie said, sitting with Roger’s feet on her lap, squeezing gently his leg.

“I don’t feel the urge to say none of them.” Roger said.

Debbie sighed, annoyed. “But I do. It isn’t that exciting to lie to our kids, you know.”

Roger knew that. He didn’t like it either. “Can we at least wait to see how this Ben’s engagment is going to end, and then we’ll see a good moment to talk about it.”

They let a silence stay in the room for a moment, each of them wrapped by their own thoughts. The day was really tiring, physically and emotionally.

“Do you wanna talk about today? About John?” asked Debbie, and she saw Roger’s face changing of colour when the other man was spoken.

“I want, but not today.” he simply said.

Chapter Text

It was pretty early when Joe’s phone started to ring. The ginger groaned after he grabbed the phone and saw who was calling him, and the bad mood was replaced by a silly smile. “Hi, Ben.”

“Hi, babe. How was your talk with your parents?” asked Ben.

“It could’ve been better. They said we’re too young to marry.” And he groaned to show his anger to the blond.

“Mine too. They said we need to think this through.” 

“British people. Always so rational.” commented Joe, rolling his eyes.

“Your parents are british.” jested Ben, and Joe rolled his eyes, amused.

“But I was born here, in the beautiful country of America.”

“Stupid.”

“That loves you.”

“That I love as well.”

They giggled for some moments, enjoying their light chat, but as soon as their laughters died Joe got worried, and he knew Ben enough to know he was worried as well. They knew they could marry without their parents’ consent – they’re fucking adults and already made their own money, without any influences of them – but they loved them. It wouldn’t be the same without their support.

And their dramatic minds – especially Joe’s – were imagining a empty chapel, without their families, just they two and a priest.

“I said to my parents we should have another dinner, with you and your parents, to settle things down. Last night dinner was weird.” Restarted the blond.

“I agree, about this two things. But...” Joe bit his own lip, nervous. “Are we still in the same page, right?”

Ben lingered for some moments, the call got silent, and then he answered “Of course, fiancée.” His tone evidencing joy for saying the last word.

Joe smiled, even though the other couldn’t see. “You little shit, I almost had a heart attack here with you holding me up.”

“‘You little shit’? This is how we’ll call each other now?” laughed the younger one. “Engagement really changed you.”

“Imagine when I put a ring on your left hand.” Joked the ginger, feeling his heart happier now. “Ben, how about we just tell them our decision only at the dinner?”

“To teach them a lesson?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s my future husband.”

Joe wanted to continue their call, but his mom was calling him, so he hung up on Ben to answer her. She asked him if he could take his brothers to school, and Joe accepted. He knew what this was about: his parents probably had a pretty long conversation with Luke and now they wanted they two to get along again.

When Joe came out to his family, including his two teen brothers, Luke didn’t matter at first. ‘Okay’ that was what he said after Joe’s long speech, focusing on his game again. But the problem began when he turned sixteen, and started to be popular at his school. He has friends from the football team, surrounded by cheerleaders and all pretty girls, and those people are bullies and scare the other students, especially LGBT+ ones.

On the first time the older brother heard Luke call him ‘fag’ he thought he misheard, but his behavior started to change with Joe. He didn’t talk with the brother in public places, especially when someone from his school was there and sometimes Luke pretended he didn’t see Joe’s car parked to walk two blocks forwards so he could get in the car. But the most absurd thing was when he faked a fever so he couldn’t go to his brother’s movie premiere.

Only Cameron went with Joe, John and Veronica refusing to leave Luke and taking him to the hospital. Joe’s heart was broken that night, but – as his brother – he needed to fake all night.

Most of the time he didn’t mind about Luke, because the younger’s anger about his sexuality wouldn’t make Joe less gay, but still it’s someone he saw grow older, who Joe taught to ride a bike, who always comes to him when he’s scared of ghosts or of a horror movie.

And six months ago Cameron came out as bissexual. Luke had an epic tantrum and John cut his allowance until the end of the year. Joe still has a good laugh when he recalled it.

After half an hour, Joe was in front of his parents’ house and worned his brothers, Cameron and Luke coming out of the house moments after. Cameron gave him a cheerful ‘Hi’ while Luke mouthed a quiet ‘Hey’.

“So, Joe, did you talk with Ben after that disaster?” asked Cameron, curious.

By the rearview, Joe saw Luke rolling his eyes.

“Yes.” Joe said.

“And...Are you gonna marry or not?” insisted the youngest brother.

“Can we talk about something else?” spoke Luke.

“Uh, someone is unhappy here. Did daddy cut your money to forever?” poked Joe, determined not to let his brother kill his mood.

“Just shut up.” and he put his earphones on.

Joe and Cameron looked at each other and giggled, not minding the other’s fury.

“Dad said to him that he should be ashamed of turning his back to his own brother but his straight privilege is blinding him.” Cameron gossiped, humoured.

“Sometimes I forget how dad’s woke.” Joe smiled, proud of his father. And this reminded him of their talk yesterday, his dad saying he couldn’t marry Ben just seconds ago after he proposed, and that he should wait.

The rest of the ride was Joe talking about some scripts he’s already reading. His performance in The Brokeback Mountain reboot was well appreciated by the critics and he’s taking advance of this moment that everyone knows his name in the industry. Most of them was still gay movies, but he wouldn’t discard the other ones; as an actor, being in his comfort zone wasn’t good enough for him. Cameron always loved to hear about his movies, giving him his honest opinions, the older one truly considering them.

When Joe parked on the school street, Luke didn’t even let Joe properly stop the car, getting out murmuring a ‘See ya’ to his brothers, and Cameron just sighed. He also received a piece of Luke’s anger, on his own way.

“Hey, Cam.” Joe spoke, before his brother get out of the car. “Luke or his friends never...did anything to you, right?” the ginger looked on Cameron’s eyes. “Don’t hide this to me.”

“No, they didn’t. I guess it’s because, deep down, Luke defends me, you know.” Cameron shurugged. They shared a silent moment, and then Cameron looked again to the school. “I should get going, or I’ll miss my first class.”

“Go. Have a nice day, Cam.”

Joe watched his brother getting out of the car and walking to the school, and Joe really wished he was telling him the truth.

Chapter Text

John felt relieved when Joe talked normally with him in the day after the proposal, because he only could sleep after 3 a.m. thinking of the whole mess that dinner was.

No, he definetly didn’t lose his sleep because he saw Roger Taylor after twenty years. No, sir. It’s nothing to do with that.

...Okay, some memories got back to his head. Some pretty fun and nice. Some pretty painful. But it’s Roger Taylor. If he crosses your life he left a mark, that’s for sure, and having a important person of his teenage years on his son’s house was a big shock to him.

And Joe said to him about the dinner in the next two days. John really didn’t want to, but Joe said that wasn’t a choice, and to be fair he understood his son’s position. And, in some ways, he envied Joe’s bold behavior, because he thought he never was one brave person, and – unlike John – his son stayed strong with his decision, something that the brunet didn’t have in the past.

So John knew what he had to do. With an unpretensious talk, John made Joe tell which hotel Roger was, and the man used his lunch time to go see him, because they need to have a proper talk.

It’s a pretty good hotel, this was clear, and John wasn’t impressed. Even if didn’t remain friends with Roger, he did remain with Freddie and Brian, and he knew that Queen was a big sucess in the rock scenario, so money came with the it. 

He asked for Roger Taylor in the loob and the servent said he’s at the pool, and John walked to there. 

A really large pool with crystal clear water was in front of John, and he saw a man swimming on it. Just like a movie, the blond man was going to the edge to get out, climbing the steps of the pool.

It seemed he’s in slow motion, moving his head to swing his wet hair out of his face, drops of water flying in the air. The water was also running down over his body, on his abs and some of the trails disappearing in his black trunks. John blinked twice over this view.

Roger didn’t have a ugly body. Yeah, he’s fourty-two, all the flacid skin that it’d be in some places was there, but he’s still fit, and his rockstar features made him look more pretty. John always thought the blond would be pretty at his fourties. John needed to clear his throat after that.

“John, wow. I didn’t think I’d see you here.” Roger spoke, catching some breath.

“Yeah, I thought it’s time to a real talk. Just two of us.” John said, looking around, probably looking for Roger’s wife.

Roger realized this right away, and he commented “Debbie isn’t here. She’s at the spa.” He looked down to his own body and stated “Yeah, not the best clothing to have ‘a real talk’, so just give me ten minutes.”

John walked to sit on one of the tables was near the pool, enjoying the fresh wind that’s hitting his face. For some moments he imagined how his life it could be today if he never left Queen; actually he did this in some moments of his life, and he felt ashamed to admit that weren’t just a few times. He could stay in a hotel like this during tours, he could have a much more comfortable life that he had right now, he could be still dat...

Yeah, it’d be a nice life, indeed, but that also meant that he wouldn’t have raised Joe, and probably Cameron and Luke would’ve never exited. And he loved Veronica, a lot. No, thinking of ‘what if’s of life wouldn’t help him right now. Especially when he’s about to talk about his first son’s future.

Still in these thoughts John saw Roger going back to the pool, fully dressed, and with his hair less wet. “So, I’m here.” Said Roger, sitting in front of John.

“Yes, you are.” Stated John, with a coy smile. “So, based on Ben’s age, I guess you knock Debbie up months after I quit from Queen.”

Roger rolled his eyes, stressed. “Did you really make me dress to throw trash on me?”

“ No, it’s just a comment. Also, he’s a good kid, Benjamin.” John genuinely smiled. “And before you think I don’t like your son, because I said to Joe not marry him, I have nothing against him. I just think-”

“They are too young to marry, I know.” Roger agreed, and the brunet looked surprised. “What? We all are british. We’re always overthinking.”

John tried to not giggle, but he didn’t take it, and for two seconds Roger admired John’s laugh, with his wrickles getting bigger with it, but in a pretty charming way tho. 

Roger looked to John with curiosity. “Then how the hell you didn’t know Ben was my son? I mean, I never hided him from the media.”

“Let me say I never look up for Queen in the internet, and I asked to Freddie and Brian to not mention anything about you to me.” Answered John, calmly.

“Those bastards!” the blond man hit the table loudly, making some people looking to them, but he didn’t care.  “They knew about Joe and Ben’s movie and dating. Why they never said anything to me?”

“Because they thought it’s none of their business?” dared John.

“Bullshit!” exclaimed Roger, and John felt intimidated with it when the other’s look fell on him. “And you, how did you manage to keep in touch with Freddie and Brian without me knowing? I’m with them almost everyday.”

“There’s an amazing invention called cellphone, Roger.” pricked the brunet.

“But I never saw you in any of Joe’s photos at social media or at the premiere.”

“I still like to have my privacy, and I couldn’t go to the premiere.”

“Me neither, Tiger made a emergency surgery, only Rory could go with Ben, and...Wait, why I’m telling you this? You’re not my friend.”

The realization that Roger and him were now just strangers to each other was strong, and John lost his breath, feeling anxiety, an old friend, getting into his veins. 

Roger remember, like in a bad shot, the face John was wearing; he’s having an anxiety attack. His anger vanished and he got worried, so he grabbed John’s hands. “Sorry, Deaky, I didn’t mean it.”

John’s iris wided when he heard that nickname. Only Roger used it, years and years ago, but just now the mention of it didn’t have the same effect it had in the past. “Don’t call me that. You’re right, we aren’t friends. We’re nothing to each other.”

And the brunet stood up, walking away to the other man.

Roger could feel his heart painfully aching, and he took his wallet, opening and looking for something. A secret pocket, with an old and wrinkled photo that had John on it. He looked to that smile, so naive and beautiful, and he asked to himself if he’s still somewhere in the present John.

Chapter Text

Another request of Ben: his sisters. He picked them up in the airport, Rory and Tiger hugging them so tight, like they hadn’t seen each other weeks ago. They were at Freddie’s house since Roger and Debbie’s trip – something they loved, because ‘Freddie is the coolest uncle ever, please don’t say this to Uncle Brimi’ shooted Rory, when they were almost at the hotel their parents were – but now, with the current situation, the Queen drummer had to buy tickets to his teen daughters to fly to USA.

“Dads messed up pretty bad, hun?” asked Tiger, drinking his milkshake.

“He did. I mean...It’s like he has a problem with Joe, you know?” Ben sighed, tired.

“Who possibly can have a problem with him? He’s like a fly, he’s innofensive.” shrugged Rory, making her sister laugh.

“Was that a compliment?” giggled Ben. “If I didn’t know you, I’d say it’s not.”

“You should respect your future brother-in-law, Rory.” Tiger said firmly.

“Thank you, Ti.”

“Or he won’t buy those snickers he promised us at Christmas.”

The three siblings were laughing loudly when they parked the car in front of the hotel. Debbie was already waiting for her kids in the lounge, and he walked to greeting Tiger and Rory with welcoming hugs. She’s a cheesy mom, and the daughters pretend they don’t like the cute nicknames their mom calls them.

“Ty-Ty, Rawry-Bear, how was the flight?” Debbie asked, kissing their cheeks.

“Mom! We’re international models! Someone can recognize us and you’re calling us like we’re eight!” snorted Rory.

“You only modelling in England, you dingus.” teased Ben.

“Fuck you.” spilled Tiger.

“Language!” Debbie exclaimed.

“I love you too.” Ben messed his sister’s hair, laughing after. Looking to his mother, he said “Dinner at 7 pm. I will send the directions.”

--- 

Something was burning at John’s stomach, and even he said a couple of times to his wife that everything is fine, Veronica knew John for more than twenty years. She knew when he’s not fine. And after some pressure, he said he’s a bit anxious of the dinner with the Taylors.

“Joe and Ben only will say what they decided, John.” spoke Veronica, putting up a black dress.

“But...What if we don’t like Ben’s family?” whispered John, like they were conspirating against someone, while he’s zipping up Veronica’s dress. “Ben is a good boy, but I don’t think we can fit with Mr and Mrs Taylor.”

“They are different than I tought. I mean, I already saw something about Queen and such, I imagined Roger Taylor being less...”

“‘Less’ what?” John felt his heart skipping a beat.

“Less something. I don’t know. He looks a different person out of the stage.”

The burning got bigger inside John. He needed an antiacid.

“Do I really need to go?” Luke showed up in his parents’ room without knocking.

“If you ask us one more time, I’ll assure that this will be the last time you’ll be out the house in this decade.” shot John, not looking to his son.

He didn’t know what he did wrong with Luke. He kinda feel responsible with the boy’s attitude. John never had that conversation about same-sex love. ‘What matters is not the person’s sexuality, but if they’re a good person or not’ isn’t what all parents do these days?

But in other hand...Why Joe and Cameron didn’t need it?

The boy just groaned in frustration and went out the bedroom. John and Veronica exchanged a tired glance.

When Joe picked his family, he looked calm, but serious. By his face his parents couldn’t know what he and Ben decided, but on John’s heart he already know their answer.

And that’s what makes him sick.

Ben picked a really good restaurant, and Joe said it’s where they had their first real date. Cameron sighed, murmuring how cute they are, and Veronica already warned Luke with a look if they only dared to roll his eyes.

Finding the requested table, the Deacons found the Taylor family already there, with the addiction of two blond girls that John assumed it’s Ben’s sisters.

“Good evening, everyone.” Joe showed a polite smile to the Taylor, a more warm smile directed to Rory and Tiger. “Hi, girls.” and he went there to hug them. “This is my family, that you already know from the photos, but anyway: My dad John, my mom Veronica, Luke and Cameron, my brothers.”

“Mr Deacon, Mrs Deacon, Cameron, Luke, these are my devious sisters I talked about the other day, Rory and Tiger.” Ben said, pointing to each one after their names.

Luke showed a really charming smile when he saw Tiger, but John whispered “Don’t even think about it.”, Cameron being closer enough to hear it and he laughed discretly.

---

If the first dinner was awkward, this one was pretty silent. The families (besides Luke, of course) looked anxious to Ben and Joe, who were focused on their plates, eating in silence. Even they’re sitting next to each other, the two actors weren’t talking or interacting; it’s all part of the game they’re doing.

Debbie was seeing something else too: John was looking to Roger when the blond man wasn’t watching and his husband was doing the same with John. She could sense something more happened that she wasn’t knowing.

Joe was lingering his dessert when Cameron was tired enough and said “Okay, can you two please stop the bullshit and say to us what you decided?”

“Language, Cam!” spoke Veronica.

“Cameron is right. We’re dying to know if you’ll get married or not!” exclaimed Rory, Tiger nodding after.

Joe and Ben looked to each other. It’s time.

“So we decided...What we decided?” Ben looked to the ginger man, amused.

“We’ll still get married.” Joe smiled, grabbing Ben’s hand that’s on the dinner table.

Cameron, Tiger and Rory shouted excited, Luke just taking a deep breath but not daring to have another behavior right now.

John burried his face on his hands, pissed, even that he already knew this all along. He knew Joe wouldn’t take this down, he knew his son well enough to see his passionate look that he did to Ben in the moment they arrived.

“You still shouldn’t get married, son.” commented John, tired.

“Not again, dad...” Joe begged.

“Mr Deacon, I want to know what-” Ben started, but he was cut but his father.

“No, I want to know what is wrong. Why they can't get married?” Roger asked, in the other side of the table. John looked to him, seeing the defying look on that blue eyes.

“They didn’t have much life experience.”

“And since when this means something? Young people can do smart choices, just as they can do dumb choices they can regret for the rest of his life.” Roger’s tone was sarcastic, and maybe only John and Debbie could understand why he did it. “Besides they are in love.”

“Being in love isn’t enough.”

“I know pretty well isn’t enough.”

The rest of the table was feeling something weird going on. The two old men were looking to each other with something close to anger, their neck veins popping up, John’s hands on fists, Roger with a pissed expression on his face.

“Dad, stop, please.” John only had a second to see Joe’s watery eyes, and after that the ginger turned around, going to the restaurent toilet.

Cameron, Tiger and Rory stood up, chasing after Joe to comfort him, and after a look of his mother Luke stood up too.

John and Roger knew they fucked it up when Ben looked to they two and said “Well done.” and went find Joe.

Yeah, they fucked it up.

Debbie got closer to Roger and whispered “You’re showing too much, dumbass.”

Veronica looked to his husband, who’s combing his gray hair nervously, and to Mr Taylor, who looked pretty upset what he just made, but she wouldn’t have no mercy of their misery. She’s angry as Ben; Joe didn’t deserve what they did, in front of both families, like their first son’s happiness wasn’t enough for them.

“I don’t know what the fuck is going on here, but you two just have to suck it up, and you know why? Because we have a wedding to plan.” Veronica said, in a really threatening. John heard it a handful times in these twenty-two years together, and honestly, he’s kinda scared.

Chapter Text

This time John and Roger did a big shit. Joe wasn’t talking to his dad and Ben wasn’t answering his father’s calls.

John knew he did something bad when Cam, who always liked to spend some time with him said something a sharpy “I don’t want to.” when he asked to go buy some ice cream with him. Roger never had a bad time with Rory, but the blond teenager was giving him bad looks.

They could be stubborn, but they loved their families, and they’d do anything to be in good terms with their kids.

John was in his office, talking with his secretary about the tasks in this month when he heard a knock on his door, and he saw Roger Taylor getting into the room. The young lady just opened her mouth when she saw the Queen drummer there, and he gave her his best charming smile when the employee said how much he loved his song, especially Queen first hit. Roger gave a quick look to John after that.

When the girl opened the door again, to get out of the room, John noted a lot of people looking to there, wanting to see the blond rockstar again.

“So you’re making a fuss in the office.” commented John, with no enthusiasm. He never liked to get attention.

“Sorry, it happens all the time.” The blond smirked, not looking really sorry.

“So, what made you come here?” and then something hit on him. “And how did you know where I work?”

“I have my sources.”

“Freddie, I’m sure.” John teased.

Roger sat in John’s couch, getting comfortable before the touchy subject. It’s still weird for him to look at John; sometimes he could see the boy he met at the seventies, with coy smile and soft cheeks, but then he remembered that he’s now this man, distant and cold.

“How is your kids with you?” asked Roger, scratching his arms over the couch.

“Treating me like I’m the worse father ever.” Replied John, tired.

“Welcome to the club.” Snorted the blond.

The shared a look. The last times they look into the other’s eyes it’s a odd feeling: anger, sadness, fear. But now they shared a empath look; they knew what the other was being thought.

Even that they have a story together, they raised a family they cared about.

“Let’s take a walk, John?” invited the drummer, standing up. “I mean, if you can.”

“Yes, most of my work here is done.” John walked to the door and opened, letting Roger cross it first.

When they’re out of the room the people of the office looked up again, some brave ones waving to Roger Taylor, who just nodded. Some whispers and some stares during their small walk to the elevator, and John could feel people thinking ‘How the hell John Deacon knows Roger Taylor from Queen?’.

Only if they knew...

Their ride until the park near John’s office was quiet, no one knowing what to talk. John knew he’s harsh to say to that Roger in the other day they’re nothing to each other, but they didn’t know each other anymore. They were just memories from other each.

And now they needed to know how to live close to each other again. For their kids’ sake. It’d be hard, but nothing that love couldn’t help.

“Why did you call me?” asked John, already in the pub, sitting in front of his new bandmate.

“Because I can see how shy you are, so I thought it’d be good to know you.” Roger just shrugged, and  he started to look around, trying to find a waiter. “And we’re the rhythm section, mate. We have to  know each other damn well, so we can know what the other is thinking.”

“You take this band project really serious, hun?” the drummer saw the brunet raising his eyebrows, a bit amused with his enthusiasm.

“Of course I am, John! I want to be famous!” claimed him, seconds before the waiter come to their  booth.

They asked for two beers and had a light talk about uni, the major they chose and why they did it for  some minutes. When the pub started to be crowded they two had to be closer, so they could hear  themselves. John wasn’t a fan of being this close to anyone, and he’s still knowing Roger, but by the  way the blond was treating you looked like he wasn’t feeling uncomfortable too.

The brunet only had two rehearsals with Queen and he already knew some things about his new  bandmates: they like to touch. Freddie could hold your hand and talk about life all the time. Brian  could have big eyes and sit right next to him, shoulder to shoulder, when he talked about space (John  knew his major was about space or something). Roger could hug you while he’s drunk, even they met  hours ago, after John’s audition.

But the band was alright and he could get used to it.

“Dreaming too much, Deacon?” John blinked twice and saw Roger talking to him. “What were you  thinking?”

The blond was quite a lot, but John didn’t mind. “I was thinking about my former band.” Lied John. “I  know I’m a shy lad, and I can last a bit to feel myself at home with you.”

“Don’t be scared, we don’t bite.” Roger nodded, taking a sip of his beer.

John hummed while he drank his own beer, and Roger thought the brunet was hiding something  there.

“What?” asked Roger, puzzled.

The younger boy lingered, thinking if he should say the truth. “It’s just I remembered the end of the  sentence. ‘Only if you want to.’”

Roger looked at him, amused. “You’re really cheeky.”

John just shrugged.

They walked in the park until they found a fountain, and John explained to the blond that people all over the city came to this place to make wishes. They really believe that they can get a better luck if they throw in the fountain a coin. Roger giggled and John understood; he didn’t believe either.

“If I was dumb enough I’d throw my penny in here. Because, you know, the circumstances.” Roger rolled his eyes.

“They’re serious about the wedding, Roger. They won’t quit. What are we gonna do?” John looked anxious, staring the his former bandmate.

“Get on board, of course. Joe and Ben are right, is their choice, not ours.” Roger put his hand on his pocket, and grabbed something without take it out. “We chose long time ago.”

John didn’t reply, but stared at the moviment inside Roger’s pocket, curious. “What is in your pocket?”

“Oh.” Roger didn’t consciously realize he’s grabbing something in his pocket. He took it out, showing to the brunet a cigarette case.

It looked familiar to John, and looking closer he saw a little “D” in the metal. “Is that...?”

“Yes.”

“Are you still smoking?”

“No. I quit 15 years ago, when Ben had pneumonia.” The drummer saw John just nodding. “It’s a behavior I have, grab this case when I get a little nervous.”

“And when you got nervous?”

“When I lose a battle.”

John felt his heart drop with the comment. He realized that Roger, somehow, will never forgive him, but that he’s up to at least let it slide the past. For their sons. Because the past didn’t matter now, but just the present, and about this thing they agree.

But he could also sense that something was setting now. Roger’s blue eyes had a strange shine, almost predatory, something that John didn’t need to deal with for so many years. A shiver run his spine, and, as always, he felt glued in the ground.

Damn Taylor and his power.

The blond took a step forward when his phone started to ring. Maybe because he’s thinking it’s Ben
he answered too soon. “Hello?”

“Where the hell are you, Rog?” asked the voice.

“I’m in America, Freddie, you know this.” The blond frowned with the question.

“I know, dear, you told me days ago. I’m asking you where you are that you’re not in the hotel. I texted you a hour ago.” Freddie’s voice sounded exasperated.

Roger looked to his texts.

It’s finally the time for the four of us reunite again. Brian and I just landed.

“Freddie and Brian are here.” Roger said to John.

Chapter Text

“Uncle Freddie! Uncle Bri!” Rory ran to hug the two Queen members when they arrived in the hotel.

“What are you doing here?”

“The news fly and we know there’s a wedding coming!” sang Freddie, smiling.

“Also Roger didn’t come to an important business meeting, so we need to talk with him.” Added Brian, opening his arms when Tiger found the group.

“Oh my god, you came. Finally some steam here.” Said the girl after the hug. “This place is a bit dead since Ben and Joe’s engagement dinner.

“Oh, we need details!” Freddie said, grabbing the girls’ hands and going to the elevator.

---

“Boys, I think your fathers already learned their lessons.” Clapped Veronica, pausing the movie Ben and Joe were watching at Joe’s place. “Now go talk with them.”

“With all respect, Mrs Deacon, but Joe cried all night after that dinner. And he’s still a little upset.” Ben’s voice was firm. “I’m pissed too.”

With just a few days, but Joe was missing his father. All the jokes they had with each other, all the things they liked to do together. Joe’s father was an amazing party maker, so the engagement party, with their friends and such will be amazing if John was heading it. And the only thing that Joe liked to talk to when he’s upset was his father. But now he’s the person that upset Joe.

Ben, as well, was pretty mad at Roger. He always saw his dad as a superhero, because he knew how to be a rockstar and a damn good father, never missing any big moments of any of his three kids. Ben liked to hear Roger’s advice, to have good moments with him, travelling or even spending the day at the pool with the family. Their bonding was strong, but his father’s attitude was making him wonder if Roger was indeed a good parent.

So, they both were ignoring their fathers, they decided to watch movies or do anything they could to forget about their current unsolved problems.

“I know they said bad things, and they should be more supportive, but Debbie and I talked with them, and I’m sure they’re desperate to apologize to you.” Veronica tried to put some sense. She didn’t like to see her family separated like this.

Ben looked at Joe. They were both tired of fighting with their parents. “We can give them another chance, babe.”

“But they should come to us, not the contrary!” Whined Joe.

“I know, love, but I know that the moment your father sees you he’ll beg for you to forgive him.” Ben gave him a peck.

“He will,” assured Joe’s mom.

“Ok, ok, we will go to dad’s office,” Joe said, standing up from the couch.

Maybe the ginger man moving made Ben realize something. “Joe, but you need to shower first.” The blond muffled his nose.

“Both of you,” corrected Veronica.

---

“They are in big trouble,” Commented Brian.

“Oh, they are,” agreed Freddie, still in shock.

The two men heard all that had happened since Joe and Ben got engaged, and even Rory and Tiger said that their dad and ‘Mr Deacon’ were pretty annoying about the whole ‘too young to marry thing.’ Freddie and Brian knew what was going on.

Debbie showed up and said to the girls that she’d spend some time at the mall and if they wanted to come with her. The teens said goodbye to them and followed their mother out of the room.

Brian texted Roger to say what room the two were – the type of conversation they needed to have couldn’t be done in some restaurant. They needed to be behind closed doors.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Brian said, wisely. “They won’t.”

“You can’t know.” Freddie sounded quizzical.

“I do, and you do too.” The curly-haired man watched Freddie rolling his eyes. “They love their sons too much to do this.”

Freddie would’ve replied if the door hadn’t opened, revealing the men they were talking about.

“My dear John. How long since I last saw you!” Freddie walked to hug the friend he hadn’t visited for almost two years.

Even talking everyday, seeing Freddie personally was way better. John smiled like he hadn’t done in the past few days. Their friendship didn’t get cold or shallow because the years they fell apart. The years made them get more mature, and they respected each other, even though they seemed to have opposite personalities.

“How are you, Freddie?” questioned John, feeling a bit happier.

And the brunet giggled when the Queen front man cupped his face, like he was his child – and Freddie was, indeed, protective with his friend, even when they were both in their fourties. “Now I’m better.”

“I’m here too, Freddie,” claimed Roger, trying to sound jealous.

“Oh, shut up, blondie.” Freddie rolled his eyes and waved on his direction.

“Hi, John,” Brian spoke, taking his old friend away from Freddie and hugging him too.

Even when John asked not to, Brian always sent him letters, when the technology wasn’t helpful enough to do otherwise. And since the guitarist was really keen to America, they always had the chance to meet John from time to time, the last time they saw each other being just a couple of months ago.

“Hi, Brian. It’s nice to see you again.” Smiled John, squeezing Brian’s shoulder.

Silence settled in the room. It had been more than twenty years since the four of them were together in the same space. It was a bit odd, but for some reason they looked at each other and felt the adrenaline. Some shots of the days they jammed together popped on their heads. More young and chilling days.

“So we heard about the engagement,” mentioned Brian.

“And that you two are shitting around.” Freddie crossed his arms.

Roger laughed, even that there was no humour in the moment. Of course Freddie would throw this in their faces as soon as he could. His friend was never someone to keep anything to himself.

Freddie could love John and Roger, but he knew they were doing what they were doing for the wrong reasons. And he needed to put some sense into their stupid heads.

“So did you two flight all the way from England to yell at us?” Roger asked, a little outraged.

“We did flight all the way from England because you never miss our meeting and we got worried,” Brian answered.

“I have a phone for that.”

Brian was tired of this bullshit. “But we got worried about this meeting too.” He pointed to the youngest men in the room. “We imagined that it could be stressful.”

“No, you can’t imagine,” murmured John.

“Something I can’t actually imagine is that you two put a dead issue above Joe and Ben,” Freddie said, disappointed with his friends. “If there’s something you want to say to each other, just say it.”

Roger and John shared a scared look. There was a lot to say – twenty-two years of silence choked up on their throats – but now, in front of each other, there was fear. What if they said what they wanted to say and everything they built during those years fell to the ground? Or worse, what if what they said wasn’t what they wanted to hear?

‘A dead issue’. It didn’t seem really dead to them.

John was feeling trapped, like the walls were closing and his heart was racing up. He needed to get out.

“I need some air.” John turned around, trying to find the door handle.

“No, you’re not gonna leave again!” Yelled Roger.

John didn’t care about it and opened the door, walking to the hotel hall, taking some deep breaths. He had to calm down.

“Deaky, come here,” asked Freddie, chasing him outside the room.

Brian and Roger followed the main singer, and they saw John with his hand on his chest, trying to breathe normally.

“Stop calling me ‘Deaky’. I’m not eighteen anymore,” John managed to say that, still gasping for air.

“Dad?”

The four men looked to the direction of the voice, and they saw Joe and Ben looking at them, puzzled.

As it sounded, John Deacon knew the Queen members.

Chapter Text

John was lingering his drinking because he knew in the moment he rested the glass of water he’d need to answer some questions.

As it seemed, Joe and Ben heard more than they needed to, and now they knew John know Freddie and Brian. And Roger.

Joe remembered when he was a teen he started to like Queen and he showed to his dad some songs of the rock band. He knew it wasn’t his father’s music style, but they’re british too, so at least he could listen some songs. I mean, they have a lot of hits, but this didn’t impress John much.

Only if John had any social media, Joe could share something Queen relatable with his father and make him change his mind, so one day they could go to a Queen concert and meet the band.

But it seemed he didn’t have to.

“Hi, Ben.” Greeted Brian. “So this is your lovely boyfriend, Joe, right?” the man asked, like he didn’t see pictures of the boy since ever.

“Fiancee.” Corrected the blond.

“Nice to meet you, Mr May. It’s such an honour.” Joe extended his hand, shaking it when Brian grabbed it.

“Nice to meet you too. And this is Freddie Mercury.” Pointed the guitarist, smiling.

“The one and the only. Hi, Joe.” Freddie said, shaking hands with the ginger man. “You have a good eye, Ben.” Teased Freddie, looking to Roger’s son.

“As much as I’d like to extend the cheap chat, can you, please, explain what’s going on?” asked Ben, a bit concerned.

“We went to my dad’s office and they said you two were together, and you both didn’t pick up your phones, and when we came here to ask Debbie some information we found my dad with an anxiety attack being comforted by the Queen band.” Everything Joe said still sounded weird, even out loud.

“Dad, what’s happening?”

John looked to Freddie, and by the way the front man was looking him back he’s saying ‘It’s time’.

The brunet just shrugged; he never wanted the time to come.

“Can we have this conversation at home? Cameron and Luke deserve to know too.” Asked John.

Joe and Ben shared a look. Both were confused with the scene they witnessed, and now the ginger was scared with his father’s upcoming revelation. The blond just nodded.

“I guess we need to talk too, Ben.” Said Roger, and his son turned around to see his father. He seemed a bit ashamed, a look that wasn’t often on the drummer’s face.

“Yes, we do.” Ben agreed. And looking to Joe again, he said “Go talk with your father. I’ll text you latter, okay?”

“Okay.” Joe nodded. He looked to Freddie and Briand and smiled again. “I hope I see you again soon.”

“I guess you will.” Assured Brian, Freddie smiling back to the ginger.

---

Already at home, John could see his hands wet. He’s nervous; he’d need to talk about a past he didn’t talk for so long. It wasn’t fully sad, but when time passes, even the happy parts turned a bit painful to talk about.

The family was reunited in the living room, the other four people staring to John with expectation.

John almost laughed; they didn’t have the slightest idea what’s expecting.

“So, Joe found me in the hotel the Taylors are with Freddie Mercury and Brian May.” Started John.

“Is Queen in town?” yelled Cameron, amazed.

“Just chill, Cam. That Freddie Mercury is a fa–” Luke was talking and he stopped himself when he realized what he’s about to say in front of his whole family.

“Freddie Mercury is a fabulous man, Luke, we all know.” Smirked Joe, making Cam giggle.

“Enough, boys.” Asked Veronica. “Go on, John.”

He knew what Luke’s about to say. He didn’t fucking know.

“Anyway, Joe asked to me what’s going on.” Continued John, trying to stay calm.

“Because dad was talking with fucking Queen like they know each other. Freddie called him ‘Deaky’. Is that a nickname?” Joe frowned.

“Yes, I remember some friends of John called him ‘Deaky’ at college, right?” Veronica smiled, remembering that time.

It’s the moment John never wanted to happen. But his family deserved to know.

“So...They’re so familiar with me because we really know each other. I was bassist of Queen.” John said, beaten.

“What?!?” that was an unisson.

“I just played with them in the first album, and after the album release I quit.” John remembered what Roger said to him in the first dinner. “I have a disagreement with Roger and we fought. He punched me and I quit the band. That’s the story.”

Veronica and her three sons were out of words, shocked. John Deacon had a big secret, something he never shared with his sons, with his wife.

What else he could be hidden from them for all this time?

“So you know Ben’s father? You treated him like you never met the man.” Commented Veronica, still stunned.

“I didn’t want to relive all the drama again.” John just shrugged, and he thought that it’s impossible.

Because the drama was still there, pulsing, alive.

“That’s why there’s a tension between you two.” Pointed Cameron. “Like a weird energy.”

John’s mouth was dry. Of course the family would notice something, because the little argue he and Roger had in front of everyone, but they didn’t suppose to exude ‘a weird energy’. Their families couldn’t know about any energy.

That’s what happens when Roger Taylor come to your life. He turns everything in a mess.

“Why did you never say anything to me?” asked Veronica, and by her eyes John could sense she’s hurt. “I mean, I know you’re in a band when I got pregnant and you quit, but I never imagined it was Queen and you quit because of a fight.”

“That’s a part of my past I rather forget.” John answered.

“You ‘rather forget’ that you’re part of one of the most famous bands of the world?” Cameron widened his eyes, thinking how insane his father was.

“At least you get a paycheck for the album you participated, right?” Luke questioned, typing on his phone, not really into that talk.

“That’s not the point.” John tried to remain the peace in the room.

“The point is that you took away from us the opportunity to meet amazing people like Freddie and
Brian and Roger.” Joe pointed, a cold tone on his voice. “I could meet Ben since I was a kid.”

“It’s my life, okay? It wasn’t your choice to make!” exclaimed John, angrily.

And the man marched to his room, without looking back.

How could they think they have the right to say what he should do with his own life? They didn’t know what he’d been through, what he had to abdicate to be the head of this family, to live in America.

John said some no’s so he could be close to his family. He gave up on playing professionally in bands
because he didn’t want to have again what he had with Queen. They rather be in a job in the music industry that wasn’t what he wanted to, that made him feel small. That’s what he did for this family.

The man was sitting in his bed when someone knocked the door, and John saw his older son showing his head, shyly. “Can I come inside?”

“Yes.” John said, with no emotion.

John only yelled at Joe a few times in all these twenty-one years, so when the ginger man saw his father raising his voice in the living room he got worried. He was too focused on his desires and that his dad needed to apologize with him that Joe didn’t think of what he’s feeling. The whole situation was clearly stressing him.

His father never was a open person. He’s supportive and kind and liked to please his family, but he never shared about his worries, if anything at work wasn’t well. Joe used to see John as a rock, but he needed to remember his father wasn’t a rock, that he’s a person. With flash and bones, imperfect.

Joe entered the room and walked to his father, sitting next to him. “Dad, I’m so sorry if I pushed you. It’s your history and anyone here needs to push you to say anything.” Apologized Joe.

“And I’m sorry for being difficult with your choice of marrying someone you love. I was too worried that something could get wrong in the future and forgot that I should stick with the present.” John said, putting his hands on his son’s shoulder.

John hugged Joe, the action being like they didn’t see each other for a long time. They’re finding each other again.

“Thanks, dad.” Said Joe, after the hug, a tear showing up on his eyes. “Cam and Luke seem fine with your choice of not telling us about it, but you should talk with mom.”

By the look Joe was showing John knew that Veronica was still hurt. Yeah, they shared a life together, but John rather not tell her the whole story of his life.

Some moments just needed to be buried.

---

Ben was with his mouth open, surprised what he just heard.

So his future father-in-law was a former Queen bassist, and he met his father way before that dinner. That explained a lot.

“So why you two pretended you didn’t know each other?” asked Ben, still puzzled.

Roger exchanged a quick look with Freddie and Brian and then he replied “I realized that John never said a word to his family and I respected that.”

“And did you remember what’s the matter of your fight?”

“No.”

Freddie and Brian thought the same: ‘He’s playing a dangerous game.’

“And what happened next?” pressured Ben.

“We lost contact. Never heard of him after that.” Simply said the blond.

“But he could contact you. I mean...” and the man just waved both hands, showing his dad, Freddie and Brian, pointing they’re famous enough.

“I know, dear.” Smirked Freddie, proud of himself.

“But he didn’t want to, so...” Roger just shrugged. “Hey, Ben, I think I owe you an apologize.”

“Yeah, you do.” The blond crossed his arms, defensive. Roger was proud of his son; he teached him to be brave enough to defend his own battles, and he’s doing it right now.

“You know me, I think I’m always right, but this time I wasn’t. It’s your happiness we’re talking about and if you want to marry Joe, you should and you will have my full support.” Smiled Roger, touching his son’s arms. “I’m sorry if I showed in some moment that I wasn’t okay with this. I love you and I will love your future husband too.”

Ben just pulled his father into a hug, both clapping the other’s back. Their relationship was one of the treasures they both had on their lives, and feeling they’re right on track again was filling their hearts.

A buzz on Ben’s pocket made him pull out the hug, giving Roger time to wipe a tear over his face. He replied the text and looked again to Roger “Joe texted me to meet him again with his brother. Do you mind?”

“No, go have fun with them.” Roger shot a smile, flicking his wrist.

“Ok. Will you stay for a couple of days?” Ben asked to Freddie and Brian. “We need to catch up.”

“We will, Ben, don’t worry.” Said Brian.

Freddie waited the blond young man to get out of the room to call the service to bring some tea for three. Roger knew it wasn’t over yet.

Chapter Text

Ben, Joe and Cam found Tiger and Rory with Debbie at the mall. When the boys told them the news, Rory and Tiger swore loudly, making some people turn around and stare at them, but they didn’t care.

Debbie, using her acting skills she always had, looked shocked, widening her beautiful eyes. “Roger will have to explain a lot to me.” Claimed the woman. She left her daughter with Ben, saying she needed to go back to the hotel, and left. 

At that, they decided to have some ice cream while they talked about the revelation they had that day. 
“Can you imagine? All of us could be like cousins.” Cameron shot, still a bit sad about it.

“You two could have met each other years and years ago.” pointed Rory, looking to her brother and then at Joe.

This crossed the blond’s mind, he couldn’t lie, but looking to his fiance right now, he didn’t regret the way they met at all, in the first table read for the movie.

Ben was still a bit scared. He only had some small role in soap operas in England. The man never wanted his father’s influence on his career, or the pleasure to get a role would never be as good as it was. And now he was in a big production, and being in The Brokeback Mountain reboot meant a lot for him, because the movie was a mark for the LGBT+ cinematography and helped him to realize that was he felt for other men wasn’t a sin.

The staff greeted him cordially, and the producer introduced him with the actors and actresses that were already there. Ben said how excited he’s to be there, and he wanted to learn with them.

“We just need to wait for Joe. He said he’s nearby.” The producer said, and Ben looked to the plaque next to his own.

Joe Mazzello. What a funny artistic name. He couldn’t say much. His family still makes fun with him because he chose Hardy was his last name.

A ginger man opened the door loudly, making everyone turn back to look at him. Ben watched how messy his hair was, and his beard was growing. It suited him.

“Sorry, guys, I had a problem to find the location, and the traffic was a mess.” He just said, and he looked to the table, trying to find his seat, and his eyes set on Ben, who just waved to him.

Joe walked around the table, and pushed the chair next to Ben so he could sit on it. Moved aside, his extended his hand to the blond.

“Hi, partner. I’m Joe. Nice to meet you.” Said Joe, smiling.

His smile was cute enough to make Ben smile back to him. “Hi, mate. I’m Ben.”

“Dad’s right. It’s their story, we don’t need to meddle. If they didn’t tell us, it’s because there’s a reason for it.” Commented Joe, making the other nod.

“But can you imagine?” insisted Cameron, and the engaged couple smiled. “Joe, we and Luke could have been behind the curtains watching all the Queen concerts whenever we wanted to.”

“Speaking of Luke, where is he?” asked Tiger.

“He’s ‘too straight’ to be here.” Cameron just shrugged, not giving a damn about his brother being missing.

“Straight people, am I right?”

“Hey!” protested Rory, crossing her arms.

“Ok, kiddo, you’re a cool one.” Teased Ben.

•••

Freddie, Brian and Roger were drinking tea in Roger’s room, discussing about the Queen meeting. Just trivial things, about touring and the new album they wanted to release next year, but Roger said he wanted to release just after his son’s wedding. He knew Ben, the blond would like to make the ceremony soon. The next months would be a bloody nightmare.

Debbie opened the door, with a lot of bags. “Hi, guys. There’s tea for me?”

“Always, darling.” Smiled Freddie.

She put the bags in the bed and went to the men, sitting in the spare chair, letting Roger fill a cup with tea for her, thanking him in the end.

“So what are you talking about?” asked the blond, taking a sip of her tea.

“Of how stupid your husbands are.” Said Freddie boldly, smirking.

“You need to be more specific of what stupidity he did, Freddie.”

Brian choked on his tea, giggling, and Roger just rolled his eyes.

“John?” guessed the woman.

“Yes.” Affirmed the Queen guitarist. “They two are trying to stop the unstoppable. John really thought that he could hide his past with Queen when his son is marrying Roger’s.”

“I told Roger to talk to him a bunch of times, so he could come clean to his family, but of course, he’s stubborn as this one.” Debbie pointed to her husband. “It doesn’t surprise me how much Roger lo–”

“Can we, please, talk about anything else?”

“Rog, dear, I love you and I love Deaky, but if you two don’t watch it, you’ll do big shit.” Advised the front man. “We know that you both have...issues with each other, but there’s something more important to deal with now.”

Roger looked down, touching his case in the jeans pocket. He wanted to look calm, but he wasn’t – how could he be with John around? The blond really wanted to be casual, to have a normal conversation with his former something, but their baggage was too heavy to be normal either way. It didn’t matter how long it’d take to see each other again.

It was Roger and John they were talking about. The rhythm section. The sonic volcano.

And now he was pissed at his bandmates.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were still in touch with him?” asked Roger, still without looking up.

Freddie snorted, a bit sadly. “You know why, Rog.”

Of course. John asked them not to. He didn’t want to have any contact with him.

It was quite comical. He should have been the one who didn’t want  to have any contact with John, but the brunet didn’t let him have the chance to say no. He cut the strand before him.

Smart.

•••

In twenty-two years of marriage Veronica had never slept alone because she wanted to, but yesterday she just grabbed her stuff and said she’d sleep at Joe’s house.

John had always had a strong relationship with his wife. They argued, of course, because they were two different individuals, but they never fought. And now they slept without talking to each other.

The man was drinking in the middle of the night when he saw his kid’s door open, revealing a sleepy Luke. He blinked as the kitchen’s light caught his eyes and saw his father in the badly lit room. The teen walked over there sleepily and sat next to his father.

“Did I wake you up?” asked John, worriedly.

“No. I just wanted to pee.” Luke explained as he stared at the glass on his father’s hand. “Why are you drinking in the middle of the night? Is this because of mom?”

“It’s because I don’t want tomorrow to come.” John took the last sip of the drink and set the glass down.

Luke stayed silent for a few seconds, but then he took a deep breath and said “She’s just upset because she likes to know everything, you know. I mean, you were that band’s bassist like 50 years ago, who cares? But somehow she does.”

John couldn’t control the laughter when he heard his son’s words. He looked at him, seeing in that moment the sweet and gentle boy he took care for all those years.

“Good night, dad.” and with that Luke stood up, walking to the bathroom.

The moment they share was now gone.

Chapter Text

“I swear to God, Roger, I’m getting tired of this.” complained Debbie, after only five minutes of the drummer being awake.

“What a nice way to wake up.” Teased the man, scratching himself up.

As a reward he was hit in the face by a pillow.

“I’m gonna call Ben and the girls. We need to tell them the truth.” Debbie sounded exhausted, and as she walked to grab her phone, Roger reached to grab her hand.

“Don’t you dare.” Roger was serious, and he straightened up in the bed, his move forcing Debbie to sit up as well. “Ben needs to have his head in the wedding. And our family has to be there to help him, not to break him.”

“We’re not gonna break him.”

“Please, Debbie. Just wait. After the wedding.” His blue eyes never showed as much strength to her as they did in that moment.

Debbie was tired, but so was Roger. They hated to show to the world a lie. The couple of blonds wanted to be free, to be themselves, but up until now they couldn’t. From time to time Debbie called Roger out, asking him to end this shit, but the man always found reasons not to do it.

Too easy for him living this way.

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation. Roger set Debbie free as soon as the door opened, showing Ben smiling to them. “Morning.”

“Hey, kid.” welcomed the drummer.

“Please, don’t tell me you two are fighting too.” Ben walked into the room, sitting in a chair at the far corner, and when he saw the curious look on his father’s features, the blond actor added “Joe just texted me. Mrs Deacon didn’t react very well to his dad’s reveal.”

Debbie and Roger glanced briefly at each other. By the way of his husband’s eyes she knew what he was going to do.

“We are fine, my love.” Debbie smiled widely. “Actually we have an announcement to make.”

•••

John asked Joe if it was okay for him to come inside his house. The ginger just shrugged and said “The one who should ask this is right there.” And Joe pointed back at the living room.

Veronica was watching the news when she looked around and saw John. The brunet saw a glimpse of sadness on his wife’s expression. “Can I talk to you?” and he received just a nod as answer. But for him it was enough.

He walked to the living room, and sat next to Veronica, who turned off the TV, giving him her full attention. John suddenly didn’t know what to say – how to apologize for something he didn’t feel sorry for?

“Ronnie, I know we should be honest with each other.” Began John, looking down to his own lap.

“And I was always with you.” The woman’s tone was accusatory, because he didn’t do the same with her.

“It’s...I never wanted to remember what happened at that time. It’s too painful.” He said, his heart pounding in his chest.

“What was too painful? That you never said a word about being in Queen for your family?”

The man closed his eyes, and his mind got filled with memories: the rehearsals, the small gigs in pubs all over London and cities nearby, the conversations with Freddie, Brian and Roger while they were driving that uncomfortable old van, the discussions about everything – because they never agreed with anything, even about the colour of the sky – and especially how being in the band made him feel special.

When she noticed his husband wasn’t answering, Veronica added “Because you said you couldn’t remember why you quit the band.”

“Some teen memories are full of nostalgia, and I don’t like to feel nostalgic, that’s all.” He wasn’t lying.

But that wasn’t the real answer.

“Do you regret choosing us over Queen?” Veronica questioned, and by her voice the rest of the room could notice how afraid she was to know the answer.

And John could never say the truth to her.

“Being in this family is a treasure I can’t ever put out in words, Ronnie.” John touched Veronica’s hand, the woman accepting, and he squeezed it, looking into her eyes. A tiny smile showed up.

Joe felt a bit awkward seeing that scene. In some way they were talking about him, about the reason his dad married his mom. The ginger never knew the whole story, but he knew they had a one-night thing and Veronica got pregnant and John asked her to marry him. Even his parents never said it out loud, Joe sometimes thought he was  responsible for their marriage.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you with my past. It wasn’t my intention.” John whispered, shifting closer, and he wrapped his other arm around Veronica’s shoulders.

“I know I overreacted –” Veronica wiped a tear quickly.

“You did not.”

“– but I don’t want to have secrets between us, John. That’s not us.” She continued, and allowed herself to rest her head on John’s shoulder.

The man’s throat hurt. Is it a good time to tell the rest of the story?

But before John could open his mouth the doorbell rang. Joe frowned; he wasn’t expecting anybody, but he went to open the door. And he got surprised when he saw the person that was standing there. “Mr Taylor?”

John was wearing a smile, but it quickly dropped after hearing that name.

“Hi, Joe. Are your parents here? Your brother Cameron said they were.” Roger smiled politely, and Joe nodded. “And what I said about you calling me ‘Mr Taylor’?”

“Please, come inside, Roger.” Joe gave space for the blond to get inside.

Roger went to the living room, finding the couple on the couch, his eyes landing on their linked hands.

“Ben just told me about the argument and I kinda feel responsible.” Roger started, with a husky voice.

John looked over at Joe – he never liked sharing his personal life with anyone, especially not now with his former bandmate – but his son just said “I like to share my problems with my fiance.”

Ouch.

“But why do you feel responsible, Roger?” Veronica looked puzzled at the Queen drummer.

“Because I pretended that I didn’t know him in front of you. It’s his secret, so I didn’t have the right to come out and spill it.” John rolled his eyes at Roger’s comment; he was still a joker. “And I want to talk with you, John.”

First, John looked to Roger, then at Joe and  finally to his wife. And there was something on Veronica’s features  that made him say “Anything you want to tell me you can say it in front of my family.”

Roger showed a hard smile. A bold move of him, but whatever.

“Ok, then.” Roger took a chair and sat in front of the couple, closer to John.

He needed to take a deep breath; he needed to remember he wasn’t doing that for him or for John. He was doing it for Ben and for Joe.

Pride wasn’t something he could choose to have now.

“I don’t remember why the fuck we fought and why I hit you in the face, and right now it doesn’t matter. What matters now is that we’ll be family.” Roger put his hand on John’s knee. “And if you say yes, we can forget all the drama and be mates again. Like nothing ever happened.”

A bunch of things crossed John’s mind: that he forgot how much of a touchy person Roger, always with his hands over him; how many lies Roger had said in less than a minute; and that he knew how Roger and himself couldn’t pretend that anything had happened between them.

But most importantly, the realization that they would be in the same family. The thought had already popped in his head, once, during the night Joe proposed, but now it just came back and slapped him in the face. He was going to be Roger’s son’s father-in-law. Roger was going to be the father-in-law of his son.

So fucking insane.

It was comical how Roger was looking at him without cracking up. He was being damn serious, but he couldn’t believe a single word he had just said. That was definitely not the Roger he knew, and John was pretty sure he hadn’t changed that much.

“Are you sure you can be around?” John raised his eyebrows, trying to make Roger understand what he meant without saying the words. “I mean, you’re a bit...”

“Stubborn?” Roger smirked. “Yeah, I still am. But I propose that we go out to have a talk. A real and honest talk.”

At that he gave John’s knee a squeeze. A movement so subtle that only them two noticed it.

“Besides we just rented a house in town.” At his words, Roger saw John’s chin drop.

“You did what?” John’s mouth went dry in an instant.

He couldn’t be serious. John didn’t have neither the strength nor the nerve to deal with Roger Taylor for so long. He imagined they had to have the talk they just had, said their goodbyes and just see each other again at the wedding.

Having Roger around couldn’t be a good thing for him.

“I thought it’d be good for us, because Ben and Joe will need help with the planning and all, and Debbie is amazing with it.” Roger explained, tilting his head. “Ben loved to know that he’ll have his sisters around.”

“But what about their schools?” asked Veronica, curious.

“They have personal teachers.” Joe answered that. “They’re models so it’s easier that way.”

John looked over at Roger. He was well fucked.

“So? Do you accept to go out with me just for us to settle things?” Roger stood up and offered his hand to John.

A weird feeling grew on John’s stomach; something about all that wasn’t right. He didn’t have to deal with this feeling for decades.

‘For Joe and Ben’ was what he thought before he took Roger’s hand and shook it. “I do.”

Chapter Text

“What do you think?” It had been a while since Freddie heard the anxious tone on John’s voice.

The brunet videochatted with the Queen frontman in his office. It was more private than talking at home.

He chickened out. He still wasn’t 100% open-hearted with Veronica.

John had always liked Freddie’s advice; he did before and he did now. His friend was wiser, more than he thought himself could be. And he was definitely wiser than John.

“I think it’s a good start, dear.” Freddie spoke, in his hotel room. “Besides, you two really need to stop this feud, indeed. It won’t help at all. And it’s been twenty-two years, John. He’ll let go.”

John balled up his hands in fists, pressing his fingers painfully. Would John let go though?

“I’m not sure, Freddie. And I don’t like to not be sure of something.” The brunet spilled out.

“Roger has a lot of flaws, but he loves his family, so if Ben needs you two to get along, he’ll do his best to achieve it.” Freddie said honestly.

And he saw John hiding his face in his hands; Freddie saw a scene similar to this one before, when John had to confess to Brian and Roger that he had knocked up a girl. John came to him first, crying, not knowing what the hell to do. And now, Freddie had the impression that John didn’t have any idea how to behave normally around the Queen drummer after being apart for too long.

“When will you come back to England?” John changed the subject out of the blue, trying to make his anxiety lower down.

“In two weeks. I miss my Jim.” Freddie gave him a passionate smile, and John smiled back. He met Jim once when the couple came to America, and he had trouble to like Jim at first – Freddie gave his heart in a silver tray to many wrong men along the way that John got a bit overprotective of his friend – but he saw Jim really loved Freddie as much his friend loved him. “But Brian will stay longer. Anita will come over to Roger’s house.”

In that moment, John got a text from Roger – yes, now they had each other’s numbers, what a progress – saying that he had arrived and it was better that he met him in the entrance, not to make another commotion. He bit his own lip. It was time.

“It’s him, Freddie. Wish me luck.” John muttered, nervous.

“You got along once. You can find that way again.” Freddie smiled and ended the call with no more words spoken.

That that was John was afraid of.

---

The gig was amazing and John felt it was one of their best. Freddie, Brian, Roger and him decided to celebrate, and they drank too much. He felt they were lucky enough to have made it home alive, because Roger was the drunkest one and he was the one driving. But he managed not to kill anyone or themselves. Due to the fact that Roger’s flat was nearby, the four decided to sleep there, saving them time and risk.

Climbing the stairs was a hard task, because they were hitting or missing the steps and giggling loudly after that. They didn’t know when but at some point Freddie started singing some opera.

John thought he was sober enough to take care of his mates, so when Roger finally found the lock and opened the door, the bass player walked straight to the kitchen to fill three cups of water.

“Mates, you need to drin–” but when he came back again to the living room he saw Freddie sitting asleep on the couch, snoring, with Brian sleeping with his head on his lap.

He heard a weird sound coming from Roger’s bedroom, so he went there and discovered that the drummer was actually throwing up in the bathroom. The brunet felt uncomfortable about going in  there; they weren’t  friends enough to see nasty moments like that of each other. The blond was going to need the water, so he put the glass in the nightstand.

When the sound was over, John cleared his throat and asked “Do you want any help, Rog?”

“Just help me go to bed. My legs are weak out of a sudden.” Roger sounded weak as well.

John walked to the bathroom, finding the blond cleaning his mouth at the sink, and he smirked at him, like nothing even happened, only stretching an arm for John to hold him; the brunet doing it right away.

He had a bit of trouble carrying Roger to the bed, even though it was a short walk, not because Roger was heavy, but because the drummer was leaning against him, giggling and exhaling all the beer he had thrown up just now. When he laid Roger down on the bed, he almost fell over him with the strength of the blond’s grip on him.

“Roger, drink this glass of water, mate.” John handed said glass to him, the man was thirsty and drank it all in one go. “That’s it. Let me go to the couch before Freddie and Brian take all the spots.”

“Sleep here with me, John.” Babbled Roger, too tired to open his eyes to look at John.

“There’s no room for me.” John wasn’t too fond of the idea to sleep in a small bed with his bandmate.

Roger shifted in the bed until he reached the corner before speaking up again. “There. Plenty of room, mate. Come on, don’t be shy.”

The tiredness of the day hit the brunet and he didn’t find the courage to argue, so he just took off his shirt and laid down in the mattress. Roger lazily opened his blue eyes, scanning John’s face, and when the bass player was settled he smiled, proud of himself from convincing him.

“You’re a good mate, John.” The blond murmured, weakly patting John’s arm.

“You too, Rog.” John yawned and closed his eyes.

---

They went to a bar that Roger said he found during his trips alone through the city. It was almost empty at that time, and for them it was for the best. John commented that Roger already knew the city better than him which made a smirk grow on Roger’s lips.

“What?” John frowned.

“Nothing.” Roger grabbed his beer that was just brought to the table and took a sip. When he glanced back at the brunet, he was still waiting. “Just memories.”

“Oh.” John flushed, drinking from his beer as well. And then he remembered something too. “Oh.”

Roger nodded, feeling John’s thoughts were in the same place as his. He felt embarrassed; he shouldn’t feel this way. Twenty-two years and he still feel the same way when the rain came and got them wet.

“John.” The drummer calling his name made the man look up again. “I meant it when I said I want us to be okay. I don’t want us to be best buddies or something we can’t be anymore. But I want to know you, to know your life.” Roger held John’s wrist.

Blue met green. An awaited reunion. A long encounter. The shine got stronger on Roger’s eyes when John used the same hand to hold Roger’s wrist too.

His eyes looked down to the touch, and John could see his lips trembling. John felt bad to do that movement, it didn’t feel right with Roger. They promised to start over, but he had the ability to make everything more difficult.

John tried to slightly undo the hold, but Roger grabbed him tighter. “Don’t let go.” The drummer whispered.

He waited for Roger to have his moment. He saw his shoulders raising up and down a few times, the man taking deep breaths. If today was hard for him he couldn’t imagine how it’d been for Roger. The blond always was hot-headed but also very emotional. Roger giving him a truce was a big step for them.

“I wanna know about how is your life here, since you arrived. How it was to be in a different country and to build a life and a family in America.” Roger glanced again back to John.

And John obeyed. He talked for almost an hour about his life, since the beginning. He knew which topics he must avoid, making the monologue lighter. Of course, at some point Roger had some questions to make, curious to know about how Joe discovered his acting skills, or how old he was when he taught Luke to play bass and when Cam started his own youtube channel.

After the odd start, their chat was nice, with some laughter as well. Roger started to talk about Ben confessing he wanted to be an actor, even that he was a drummer good enough to replace him someday at Queen, how Rory and Tiger liked to customize their own clothing until they tried to do modelling and it worked for both of them. The blond also felt he shouldn’t talk about some things with John, to not change the mood, so he was fine talking about those things for now.

Beers came and got empty, some snacks eaten in between, and they finally started to show each other pictures of their children when they were kids. Of course they had those ridiculous photos. John kept a cute picture of his sons wearing a matching costume of The Three Musketeers, and Roger showed three blond children unwrapping their presents close to a Christmas tree – he was not religious, but Debbie was.

And then John was telling Roger a story of the first time he took his kids to Disney and they went to a scary roller coaster. They loved it but in the end the blond man had to find the nearest trash can and vomited in front of his sons, which made Roger laugh loudly, his whole body shaking in the process, moving backwards and then forwards, to rest his forehead on John’s shoulder.

John needed a couple of moments to realize how close Roger was, the drummer noticing his action just when he touched John’s skin. The blond sat back, sitting straight on his chair, looking quite embarrassed. Was he crossing a line there?

Always touchy, needy, affectionate Roger Taylor.

“We had a good life, right?” pointed the drummer, smiling fondly.

“Yes, we did have.” John nodded.

“Do you miss Queen?” what a stupid question he just made.

“I do. Every single day.” John shrugged. He promised to never talk about it, and now he was breaking another promise.

“This weekend it’s the house warming party. Just us, Freddie and Brian. Bring your family. We can jam a little. It must be a little lonely playing your bass alone.”

Roger knew John would never play again in another band. More than playing music, John liked the energy the other people that played with him exuded.

He still knew him, after all.

Chapter Text

The house, of course, it was a mansion. Enough rooms to acomode Ben’s and Joe’s families to the wedding reception, and Roger and Debbie confessed that that was what they thought when they rented the house. They wanted the wedding to be held there, now that the grooms said they didn’t want a wedding at a church, which smashed Debbie’s and Veronica’s hearts, but they accepted either way.

Joe and Ben loved the place and didn’t wait to ask them to have it there twice.

But one thing that also made Roger want the mansion was that there was a mini studio in the basement. It was one of a kind. Roger asked the Queen staff to deliver his drums from London, which were there in a week.

Debbie said there was a really nice pool in the yard, so if the Deacons wanted to swim, they could bring their swimming attire. They were making a nice barbecue, ‘just like the americans’.

But the only thing John could think of was about him with Freddie, Brian and Roger, the four of them together again. He felt like an idiot holding his bass case with a small amp. On these days, Luke used the bass more than him.

When the Deacons arrived and was greeted by Brian, the curly-haired man welcomed John with a warm smile. “Deaky, it’s like traveling at time.”

“Stop it.” John got red with the comment.

“Are you nervous?” Brian asked when everyone got inside the house, leaving the others behind. John just blinked. “We didn’t play together in two decades, so not being in sync is the minimum we can hope for.”

“Thanks for the reminder.”

Already in the yard, Cameron walked over to talk with Tiger and Rory, while Joe went to Ben to kiss his fiance. The blond smiled during the peck as he saw Luke rolling his eyes. Most of the time he didn’t complain about it – only because he was Joe’s brother and they should get along – but the kid was bloody awful.

“Is he gonna be like this every time we are together, Joe?” asked Ben, looking back at Luke.

Joe didn’t understand at first, but he saw who Ben was looking at and he sighed. “Someday he’ll get over it.”

“Are you sure? Because I’m not too thrilled about having someone at my wedding sending bad vibes to me and my husband.”

“Honestly, with the last events in our families, Luke isn’t my prior concern of the day.” The ginger caressed Ben’s hair.

“Do you think they are really okay now?”

“Dad said they showed our childhood pictures to each other.”

“Oh, God.” Ben giggled.

“I think our dads are finally getting each other.” Joe smiled, leaning in to kiss the blond again, but they heard the sound of someone falling in the pool, and a strong splash of water hitting them both.

They got surprised, but they soon saw Luke emerge from the pool, a smirk on his lips.

“Luke, you’re not ten!” exclaimed Veronica, irritated. “You can get into the pool like a normal person!”

“More fun like that.” He just said, and he turned around where Tiger, Cam and Rory were. “Hi, Tiger.” Luke said, winking to her.

“Hi, homophobe.” Tiger said, annoyed.

“I heard that you’re bi. Cool.” The boy showed a naughty smile.

“Now are you sexualizing me?” she gave him the middle finger. “Just stay away from me.”

---

At that point almost everyone was in the pool, minus John, Roger, Freddie and Ben. The younger blond was chatting with Freddie about what he was planning for his ceremony – the singer and Jim got married merely two years ago, so he could have some tips for him – and Roger was just listening to them. John was quietly putting on sunblock, humming some song, and he saw the Queen drummer smirking.

“What?” asked John.

“This song. It’s quite familiar.” Roger sounded sassy, and John just rolled his eyes.

“Shut up. It still plays in the radio and I’m a passive listener.”

And with that John took off his shirt. Roger swallowed dry when he saw that as John had a fine body for a man in his forties. He was getting old, of course, it was not the same as before, but he was still in good shape.

“Ben, do you mind?” John asked, showing his back.

“Not at all.” The blond stood up and took the sunblock, putting some in his hand to spread over the other’s back.

Ben couldn’t not notice the big tattoo his future father-in-law had close to the shoulder – and it was quite a surprise; he never imagined Mr Deacon being a tattoo person.

I want to hush headlong into this ecstasy

Something on this phrase was ticking on his head. He knew this from somewhere, but right now he couldn’t remember from where. And then he remembered the song Joe’s father was humming during his talk with Freddie. A light turned on in his head.

“That’s my dad’s song.” Commented Ben after he finished his work. John turned around, frowning, and the actor clarified “On your back. That’s a verse from Breakthru, right? Queen’s first hit.”

“Oh my God, you’re right!” exclaimed Cameron, who just got off the pool, looking at his dad’s back. “I always wanted to know what this tattoo meant, but dad never said.”

Roger, who was talking with Freddie about Queen business, was overhearing the conversation since Ben said something about one of his songs. His eyes found John’s, and the man looked scared. Roger stood up and walked to see John’s back, and in the moment he saw the phrase tattooed on the man’s back he recognized the song.

He touched John’s back, his fingertips brushing over the skin.

“That was my idea, dears.” Everyone turned to see Freddie speaking. “After Breakthru becoming a hit two weeks after the album release, Brian, John and I were drunk and promised we would make a surprise for Rog, getting a tattoo with the song lyrics.”

John and Roger shared a look. Freddie could be so persuasive when telling a lie.

“And this sentence was strong, because it’s our first album, we could be big.” Freddie smiled brightly. “But I guess poor John believed so much in a drunk promise.”

“Then why you never tried to remove it?” asked Ben, politely.

“Too painful.” John replied, willing to sustain the false story. “Now if you excuse me, I need to grab some water.”

The brunet walked to the cooler to grab a bottle of water, still too nervous with the moment. He was so used to the tattoo that sometimes he forgot about it. And he only really remembered it when he heard the song that inspired being played on the radio.

He was so mindless that he didn’t notice Roger walking to him until John turned to grab his bottle. “Fuck, Roger.” The blond was staring at him without blinking, so John questioned “What?”

“When?” his voice cracked. And because John looked confused to him he added “When you did the tattoo?”

“A day before the fight.”

“And why did you never remove it?”

“Honestly? Because it reminds me that everything wasn’t a dream.”

Roger wasn’t sure if he was talking about Queen only, and he didn’t want to be sure. So he just nodded and went to the bathroom.

---

After lunch they spent some time in the living room, because it was cozier than being outside. Joe and Ben watched their families talking with each other – Rory and Tiger let Luke play some board game with them and Cameron – and both smiled proudly.

“Dad, I heard we’ll have a private concert today.” Commented Joe, his head resting on Ben’s shoulder.

Joe and Cameron (and even Luke, but he wouldn’t ever admit it) were excited to see their father play with the band. Ben, Rory and Tiger weren’t as thrilled as them; of course, they could watch Queen whenever they wanted, and maybe because they were so used to it that they didn’t get the chills anymore when they watched their dad playing the drums.

“We just got lunch, Joe. I don’t think –” John started but he was cut off by Brian.

“I’m ready, mate.” The guitar player smiled. “Roger? Freddie?”

“Let’s do this!” Freddie shouted, standing up.

Chapter Text

A discrete tingling was present on John’s hands. He hadn’t felt anxious since the day Luke was born, but, of course, the anxiety right now was different in some way. He was going to  play with Queen, twenty-two years since the last time that happened.

He heard from his sons multiple times that it makes no sense playing bass in his house alone, and Luke, the one who he shared the interest of the instrument with, said he should find some guys so they could play together. John knew he could find those guys, especially working in a music managing agency, a drummer, a guitarist and a singer, but none of them could be Roger Taylor, Brian May or Freddie Mercury.

Queen ruined music for him forever.

The mini studio was small but pretty good for a home studio. Brian and Roger were testing the acoustics and Freddie had already tested the microphone when he walked close to John with a smile. “Are you okay?”

“I am, Freddie. Thank you.” John nodded, humbly.

“Guys, just be gentle with us.” Requested Brian. “John didn’t play with us for so long, so not being perfect as it should is normal.”

John looked at Veronica. She seemed happy to see him play again, and she waved at him; Roger seeing the exchange.

“What song, then?” asked the drummer, playing with the sticks over his fingers.

“I like ‘Ride the Wild Wind’, dads.” Said Rory.

“Do you remember it, Deaky?”

“By heart.” John was too focused on adjusting his bass the right way and plugging it on the amp that he didn’t see the smiles on the faces of the other three.

The Taylor family but Roger found interesting seeing John licking his index and middle fingertips, but the rest of the room didn’t bother; the brunet never liked to play with picks.

John took a deep breath, his heart was speeding up; somehow he saw himself ready to enter a stage ain London with Queen again. He could hear Freddie warming up his voice, Brian clapping to take the stress out and a whisper from Roger on his ear.

He looked to the others and nodded. He was ready.

Brian started, with a small guitar riff, followed by John, and Freddie positioned against the mic singing the first verse. When Roger banged his drums, the bass player finally realised they were really playing together.

Of course it wasn’t perfect. Freddie, Brian and Roger changed their ways to play and to sing the song, while John was playing it by the way he had learned, years and years ago. Sometimes he turned around to watch Roger play; they were the rhythm section, so they should care more about if they are on sync than on how Brian was playing and Freddie was singing.

Ironic, huh?

Roger was so used to play this song, one of Queen’s first album’s hits, that at these days he just knew the moves without thinking much. He felt John’s eyes on him, sometimes paying attention to his playing so he could tune in the same beat, sometimes looking back up at him. He allowed to shoot a smile or two at him, John smiling back.

Some things didn’t change: the drummer saw that the brunet still had the tic to shake his head according to the beat, sometimes tapping his foot. But Freddie and Brian smirked when they saw John moving slowly to the flow of the music.

“Your dad is dancing.” Whispered Tiger to Joe, finding it amusing.

“I’m seeing that.” Joe whispered back, a bit surprised.

John was lost in the beat; he could feel the blood running through his veins, like he hadn’t alive like this for so long. He was just surviving, and even when he knew it was a selfish thought, the brunet didn’t let it destroy his vibe.

At the guitar solo, John went closer to Brian, the two playing in front of each other, the curly-haired man smiling proudly at him. And at the final part, in the drums part, the bass player turned around to appreciate the view of Roger doing what he did best. And to finish up, Freddie pointed to the crowd, who just shouted “Hey, hey, hey!”

The room was filled with claps, the acoustics making the sound appear bigger than it was. Freddie and Brian bowed to their viewers, Roger shouted, still excited and John just breathed like he just ran a marathon.

John rested his bass in a stand next to him and put his hands on his face, half smiling, half gasping. An ocean of feelings were drowning him right at that moment, and he was afraid to collapse in front of everyone. Before he could do anything else, he felt a hand pushing him into a hug. He only realized who was hugging him when he heard a soft voice saying “You did great, Deaky.”

“I did not, Roger. I barely stayed on tempo.” John was blushing.

“Fuck tempo. You didn’t play with us in ages, and you still look like a natural.”

“Neil is an amazing bassist, but he’ll never be like John.” praised Freddie.

John asked where the bathroom was and Ben indicated the way to him. The brunet was taking deep breaths, trying to contain himself, but when he reached the bathroom and closed the door, he muffled his mouth and cried.

He hated himself, because he felt great at playing again with Freddie, Brian and Roger. He felt great with jamming with Roger, with sharing looks with him and to be in sync, to watch him drumming. He felt great being with Queen again.

The rehearsal was, by far, the best one they had. It was like they were meant to play together, and Freddie mentioned this twice today. Even Brian, who was really hard to compliment the band, said they were good. Roger claimed they could rule the world one day, and he was ready for the fame.

John giggled at his bandmates’ enthusiasm. He was not that excited to be famous; getting some money with Queen and having the three guys in his life was good enough for him. And Roger knew how low the bass player’s expectations were. “Don’t be so humble, Deaky. You can think bigger.” Said Roger, as he drove John home.

“What did you just call me?” John raised his eyebrow. He never had a nickname before.

“Deaky. Did you like it?”

John thought for a few seconds. “I can live with that.”

“Oi! Don’t be so excited, mate.” Roger giggled. “But, seriously. Queen will be famous, and you’ll be in every bass specialized magazine. You’ll see.”

“Ok.” John  simple replied as he jumped off Roger’s van. “When the day comes, I’ll thank you for the prediction.”

A knock on the door made John get out of his memories. He turned on the tap and threw some water on his face. Another knock. “John?” Veronica called him.

“Yes?” John answered.

“Are you okay?”

No. “Yeah. Just a bit tired. It took off all my energy.”

“Too bad, because the kids are asking for you to play another song.”

John opened the door, his face wiped off the tears, and he smiled. “Ok. I guess I can play one more.”

Veronica took his hand when John started to walk back to the studio. “I like to see this smile on your face.”

The brunet wondered if he ever wore that smile for her.

Chapter Text

The visit of Rami Malek, Gwilym Lee and Lucy Boynton was unexpected, but welcomed. Even though Joe and Ben talked with them basically everyday in the small group chat they did during The Brokeback Mountain filming, they missed their friends’ daily company. And now they were really focused on the wedding planning, they could help them.

“What do you mean you didn’t hire an agency?” Lucy was shocked. “Are you mad?”

“We just want a small wedding. Fifty people tops.” Ben defended himself.

“We thought we wouldn’t need to hire anyone.” Joe bit his own lip. Of course they were wrong.

“You two are nuts. My wedding only will be at the end of the next year and Dana already has an agency helping her.” Commented Gwilym.

“Did she not ask you to help her?” asked Rami, confused.

“No. She said that my only concern is to be at the altar at the right date.”

“At least she knows you.” Teased Lucy.

They laughed with it. It was nice to have them around. Unfortunately, with everyone’s agenda, Joe and Ben knew they’d probably see their friends again at the wedding ceremony. But they’d enjoy the few days they had together.

The Taylors front door was open, to reveal John and Roger talking non-stop about one of the first gigs they did, where apparently Freddie tried to sing a high note and lost his voice. It seemed too be very funny, because the pair was laughing with enthusiasm. 

Joe looked to the scene having an odd feeling. He didn’t say anything because he prefered to keep this to his own – ‘to not jinx’ as he said to himself – but it wass just...weird.

“Ben, would I be selfish if I say that it’s more normal for me when they’re fighting?” the ginger whispered to his fiancee.

The blond actor looked at his father and future father-in-law and frowned. “Why do you say this?”

“I don’t know. Dad was never too open with anyone, not like this.”

“He’s just trying to make up for the time they lost. This is nice, don’t you think?”

“Hi, kids.” Greeted Roger, with his charming smile. “Trying to help those two grooms?”

“They are hopeless, Mr Taylor.” Joked Rami.

“Dad, I guess you didn’t meet Gwilym yet.” Joe came closer to his friend, who stood up from the sofa to extend his hand to John, the man grabbing it and shaking it politely. “Gwilym, this is my dad, John Deacon.”

“Nice to meet you, Gwilym.” John smiled to the tall man. “Joe made good comments about you.”

“Nice to meet you too, Mr Deacon.” Gwilym smiled back, and for some seconds he looked to Joe and then again to John, maybe debating internally about something. After some seconds of silence the brunet said “I must say your bass riff on Liar is remarkable.”

John’s cheeks got red, Roger finding it quite interesting how the blush looked so good on the man, – but not saying out loud –  the brunet looked to his son. “You didn’t keep your mouth shut, did you?”

“I didn’t talk with the press, if that’s your concern.” Joe smirked.

“Oh, now I’m relieved.” 

“Knowing John, he wouldn’t survive a day.” The Queen drummer poked John’s side, who looked back with his eyebrows up. “Okay, let’s let the kids alone.” The two men walked to the home studio.

Rami looked to them until they disappeared and looked back to his friends. “They didn’t look like you said to us.”

“Oh, that’s because you weren’t here in the middle of the storm.” Spoke Joe, Ben nodding.

---

Rory didn’t have much to study that day, and she was too exhausted to see Joe, Ben and their friends talking about cakes and chairs and other wedding stuff. When she’s about to go to the kitchen she heard some noises coming from the mini studio, she walked to the booth, the mirror covering her, and she smiled when she saw her father and John jamming together. To be honest it was more her dad watching John playing the bass that anything else.

“Hi there.” Called Debbie. The woman walked in. “What are you doing here?”

“Just watching dad and Joe’s dad playing together.” Rory said, excited.

Debbie starred at the mirror. Roger’s smile was brighter than ever, even through the opaque glass.

“John’s bass was here since that day when we all had lunch together.” Rory stopped to think properly. “I guess he’s here almost every day, right, mom?”

“He is, indeed.” Debbie put her hand over her chin, looking straight to the men.

---

Inside the studio, Roger was lost over the vision of John fingering his bass. He had the thought that with the years the man would lose his cleverness with the instrument, but he had clearly been wrong. John still knew pretty much how to play, and amazed him every time he stopped by to jam a little.

“You’re spoiling me, Rog, letting me play in this studio.” John spoke in a low tone, his ears burning.

“Better than playing at home, without the proper acoustics, am I right?” smirked Roger, slapping softly the other’s back.

John nodded, still feeling awkward with the situation. A month ago they were barely speaking with each other, and now he was going to Roger’s house like they...

Like they were friends.

They were now. Sort of. He still asked many times during the day when he could stopping by and if Debbie wouldn’t bother, Roger always saying it’s okay. 

Actually John was giving him something to do during the days when Freddie was away. They were about to start the writing process, and they liked to do it when they were together. The singer promised they’d be in America next week. Until there the drummer’s head would explode with ideas.

About that, he called John, making the man stop playing and look to him. It was still a bit hard for Roger to look to those eyes. Fucking grayish-green eyes.

“I’m writing a new song, and since Neil isn’t here to help me with the bass riff I was wondering...” Roger kept the question in the air.

“Still terrible asking for help, Taylor?” teased John.

“You just need to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’, Deacon.” The drummer played along.

“Just give me the lyrics and go to the drums.” 

Roger gave him the lyrics – in the top of the paper was written ‘Rock it (Prime Jive)’ and the blond  sat behind the drums.

Now was the time for John to watch. Roger positioned the microphone close to the drums, so he could drum and sing. He still had on his memory of Roger singing, the peachy voice that went on high notes, a thing the blond had very pride of.

Of course, with plus twenty years, Roger’s voice couldn’t reach notes as his young self, but in the beginning of the song the blond started to sing acapella and John noted how good his voice still was. A bit more husky, but still good for the ears.

The drumming started and John payed more attention to the beat, trying to imagine the right riff to get together with it. Of course both parts of the rhythm section were important, but John knew Roger was asking him to follow the drum beat, not the contrary.

It was different. John hadn’t needed to deal with for years. Just for fun he created some bass riffs, when he was fooling around alone at the weekends. Luke even asked for some help with some basslines for him, John gladly assisting him, feeling himself useful. But now it was another thing – his riff ideas could be in an album. A Queen album.

He could feel the blood running through his veins, the excitement building up in his body, and it looked like his brain was working on his maximum. The possibilities were popping in his head, and in a second he was discarding some of them with the next beat Roger was producing. His fingers started to move, not really touching the bass strands, but mimicking the notes he needed to product.

When Roger finished the song John was still working, his mind getting back to the beginning, trying to imagine what he could do. His ears were buzzing, even that the noise of the drums stopped.

“John?” he only heard after the third time. And Roger smiled. “You’re really far gone.”

“Sorry, I was thinking. Can you...?” John extended his hand, looking to Roger’s pen on his pocket. The drummer grabbed it and handed to the brunet. “I was thinking of the bass starting here” John marked the page, above a word “with some similar pauses, and coming again here, here and here.” 

Roger heard John’s energetic tone, like he was enjoying very much to help him.

Maybe that was the problem. Because John really was.

Chapter Text

Freddie finally came, and he took Jim and Anita with him. The couple and Brian’s wife were more than welcomed on the Taylor's house, and Roger begged during the first dinner of the Queen members together – where only the adults were because Tiger and Rory was with Ben in a siblings movie night – they could start the writing process and the choose of the songs.

“I’m really bored here.” Claimed the blond.

“If you helped me with planning, you wouldn’t.” Debbie pointed, with a grin.

“Your taste is better than mine about those things, honey.” He blowed her a kiss.

“I wasn’t informed you were bored here, dear Roger.” Freddie said, before drinking a glass of water.

“And what were you informed?” 

“That you’re passing too much time in the studio.” 

Roger and Freddie shared a look. The singer knew too much, and the drummer wasn’t ready to hear his worries about his renewed friendship.

“Debbie never lost her taste for gossip.” Commented Roger.

“To be fair, Roger, I was worried too. You’re too close.” Helped Anita. 

“Me too.” Added Jim.

Yes, Debbie, Jim and Anita were so fucking closed, just like their partners.

Brian sensed his friend was about to have a tantrum when he raised his voice. “What everyone is thinking is if it’s really okay to be so attached with John just now. You were apart for two decades, Rog, and now you’re inseparable. Veronica must have noticed already.”

“He’s not complaining.” The blond just shrugged.

“Exactly.” 

Roger was tired of this. First they were complaining about their arguing, now they were complaining about they’re together. What the hell they wanted anyway? 

They were doing this because of Joe and Ben, and now they must do what? Go backwards and just ignore each other? Roger thought he could, but right now it was impossible.

John was back in his life. And this time it was for good.

“I need some rest. Mates, you know your rooms. Good night.” Roger put his napkin on the table, and before anyone could stop him he stood up and walked to his bedroom.

A couple of hours later, Debbie got into their bedroom, and found Roger reading a book. He was too into that he only noticed her when she sat on the bed.

“Look, if you’re starting with all that again...” warned the drummer.

“I saw you two at the studio some times, by the booth mirror.” Confessed Debbie, with no shame.

“Spying on me, honey? It’s not your type.” 

“Oh, give me a break, Rog. You know why I was there.”

He hated to know why she’s there. It was pretty obvious, and to be fair he knew the whole talk would be had at some point.

He knew he couldn’t be too close to John, or else bad things could happen. Things he’d never forgive himself. Or worse: more punches could be exchanged by them.

“I know it’s nice to remember the times you two played together and such, but it’s no turning back, Rog.” Debbie grabbed Roger’s hand, squeezing it.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Roger snorted, bitterly. “But it’s nice to be someone for him, you know?”

Debbie wanted to say that he was already someone for John – his future son-in-law’s father – but she didn’t have the heart to it, so she just nodded.

---

“I’m really excited to meet Brian’s and Freddie’s partners.” Commented Veronica, combing her hair with her hands. “I mean, at least I won’t be alone with Debbie.” John frowned, and Veronica completed “She stares too much.”

John smiled and rang the Taylors’ house’s doorbell. He was excited too, but for a different reason as Veronica; Freddie and Brian could finally hear the riff he imagined for Prime Jive. He got back his bass to practice at home so he could find the perfect complement for Roger’s drumming, and he thought he got it.

“It’s nice that you and Roger got along.” Veronica said in a light tone. John looked to his wife, not knowing if he should say something or not. “I mean, I’m not thrilled that you came here so often after work, but still.”

“Sorry, Ronnie.” John blushed. Fuck, he was getting too obvious. “It’s just...”

“I know. You two are finding each other. It’s nice, dear, it really is.” 

And during the small peck Veronica and John were sharing, it was the moment Roger decided to open the door. The couple jumped over the appearance, Roger didn’t look happy for some seconds, but he restored the smile again.

“Hello, folks.” Roger said, opening more the door and resting at the side. “Come get inside.”

John introduced Anita and Jim to Veronica, letting them talk when Roger called him, Freddie and Brian to the studio. 

---

The brunet was nervous. He just played with Roger his song, now with the bass riff included. Freddie and Brian whispered things to each other during it, moving their hands and nodding sometimes, and he could swear he saw Brian looking to him and Roger and smiling about something.

“What do you guys think?” asked John, his heart beating like crazy.

Freddie looked to John and then to Brian just to look back to John again. And in the end he smiled “It’s wonderful, darling!”

John breathed out, letting the anxiety get out from his mouth, and he looked at Roger, who winked to him.

“Did you do this riff only by yourself?” Brian questioned, curious.

“Yeah, yeah.” Nodded John, still too electric to control, his own body. “I always creat some riffs, just for me, you know, so it wasn’t really hard to do something now.”

“So...Shall we start to think together, right? I must say that I see myself singing just the first part, Roger. What do you say?” Freddie turned to glance to the drummer.

“Fine by me.” The blond said, happy with the idea his voice staying in this track.

“So let’s work, mates.” Called out Brian.

They spent two hours talking about the song, Freddie and Brian giving their contributions, Roger saying how he pictured their parts, and John staying out of the discussing.

As John didn’t contribute with any songs to the gigs, he thought he shouldn’t be in the middle of the arguing. Yeah, he’s the quarter of the band, but he liked to be the bassist stereotype – the quiet lad who’s helping the rhythm part. And, to be honest, sometimes he got bored with Freddie and Brian arguing about guitar solos and which song comes first.

“It’s like a cat fight.” Whispered Roger, out of nowhere.

“You scared me, you wanker.” Shot John, looking at him from the couch.

“Sorry, princess.” Roger jumped from behind the couch so he could land next to John. “When will you stand up and say to those two to shut up? I know you’re annoyed with it as much as I am.”

“It’s easy for you to say. You know them for years. I’m still the newest guy.”

“You always will be the newest guy, Deaky.” Smirked Roger, making John roll his eyes at him being a smartass. “But don’t worry. Freddie already liked you, and Brian thinks you’re the best bassist we ever had. So you’re not going anywhere.”

John knew what he was feeling was wrong. He shouldn’t feel that great about playing with his former bandmates, to wait impatiently to go to Roger’s house to jam with him, like he was in a real band. He shouldn’t hate that his life didn’t have music enough for his own consideration.

Yeah, he worked with music, in a agency that discovered artists from times to times. But it wasn’t what he wanted. Being behind the curtains, just watching the things being done never was his thing. He’s shy, but he never was a passive person.

So seeing Queen creating was like bondage for John. A pain that he wanted so desperately to feel.

Chapter Text

For a weird luck, all the boys were out, so Veronica thought it’d be a nice moment to have some quality time with her husband. 

So, she wore a dress she knew John liked a lot and made his favorite meal, and even though she knew she didn’t need to seduce her own husband, it was nice to make a dinner just for the two of them.

She even texted him and asked John to come straight home. At the moment, he was too close to Roger Taylor and always spent at least 30 minutes at the Queen drummer’s house before going home.

“What’s this about, honey?” John asked when he came home, looking at the home-made dinner and how fancy his wife was. He gave her a kiss in the cheek before he rested his bag on the couch.

“Oh, nothing, John.” Smiled Veronica, arranging the food in the dinner table. “Just want to enjoy some time with my husband, can’t I?”

“Thank God.” The brunet let out a relaxed gasp. “I thought I forgot an important date.” They both laughed.

As always, John didn’t talked much during dinner, enjoying the good food Veronica made and only speaking to compliment the hard work Veronica did. 

A buzz on his pocket made John look to his phone. A text from Roger.

Roger Taylor: Something happened? You didn’t show up.

John typed fast; he knew Veronica didn’t like to be replaced by a phone, specially when it came from him.

John Deacon: Sorry. Ronnie made a special dinner today. I will go there tomorrow :)

John felt weird after he sent the text. He was not an emoji man.

Roger Taylor: Oh. Okay.

Roger Taylor: See you tomorrow.

The man never liked to analyze texts, but those ones seemed dry. Did he make Roger sad?

“Something fun there?” asked Veronica, making John look at her again. She was wearing a passive-aggressive smile, and John instinctively locked up his phone and put it on the table.

“Just Roger asking why I didn’t go there today.” Answered John, starting to eat again.

“He’s a grown man. He can live a day without you.” Veronica spoke in a soft voice, almost giggling.

After the dinner they went to the living room with a bottle of the finest whisky they had. John asked how was for Ronnie meeting Jim Hutton and Anita Dobson; he had never questioned what his wife thought about them.

“They are nice.” Veronica said after a long silence. “Jim likes to listen more than to talk, and he laughs a lot, and Anita is very sparkly. Also they seem to be pretty bonded with each other, it’s really nice.”

“Freddie and Brian were really worried they don’t get along with you.” Commented John, taking a large sip of his drink.

“That’s okay. You know me, it takes me a little to open up with someone, but we’ll get there, I’m sure. I can see why Freddie and Brian love them.”

“What do you mean?” John asked, a bit curious. 

“Well, Freddie is very enthusiastic, and Jim is a person that slows him down, while Brian is very chill, so Anita can put some adrenaline on his life. That’s how people say: sometimes the opposites attract each other.”

The brunet man thought of it. Was that sentence right all the time?

“I mean, just sometimes, since I think we are pretty similar.” Veronica glanced to John.

She took John’s glass and put hers and John’s on the table, before she placed a kiss on her husband’s lips. It started as a very long peck, and then John realized Veronica wasn’t moving away, so he landed his hands on her neck, opening his lips to deepen the contact.

John let her guide the kiss, leaning many times on him, growling sounds of pleasure. Then she put his hand over her breast. With it, John pushed her to sit on his lap, making out with excitement. Her dress lift up, and he could feel Veronica rutting against him. Her mouth left his and started to kiss John’s neck, biting slowly the skin. Veronica’s hands went to the buttons of his shirt, undoing them as fast as possible.

And then the woman noticed something; Despite the fact that John was kissing her here and there, she wasn’t feeling the same enthusiasm on his other parts. She kept moving on his lap, let a gasp out her mouth when John squeezed her thighs, and she asked “Do you need help?” and she looked to his pants.

“Just give me a minute.” John said between a kiss and another.

Even the man wasn’t understanding. He was enjoying making out with her, so why he was not getting hard?
With Veronica out of his lap, he unbelted his pants, unzipping it quickly, and started to manipulate himself, as fast as he could. Veronica tried to help, whispering things on his ear.

After some minutes his cock wasn’t showing signs it’d harden.

“Let me...” Veronica took off John’s hand to replace for her own.

Her hand was softer but still firm as John’s, and she kept kissing him, doing everything she could to make him feel good, but after some time working out, she realized it wouldn’t make any difference.

John’s face was burning with shame. “Maybe it was the alcohol?”

“Maybe you just need to take a pill.” Veronica said, condescendantly.

“A what???” now the man’s eyes wided up.

“That’s totally fine. Men on your age –”

“‘Men on your age’? Are you calling me old?”

Veronica giggled softly, but it wasn’t the right time, because John just growled and got up, doing his pants again. “Sorry, John. It’s just...It’s normal. At some point you’d need it.”

“I just got on my fourties! It’s not normal!”

“I’m not a doctor, I don’t know when it started, but I bet it isn’t in the same age for every man. Maybe it just came earlier for you.”

John just blowed out and sat again in the couch, Veronica hugging him. On the first times he had sex he came too early, and now he couldn’t even manage to get his dick hard? He was really living a man’s nightmare.

“Don’t worry. I can text the boys and ask them to sleep on Joe’s and we can try again. How does this sound?” Veronica gave him a peck and then rested her head on his shoulder.

---

Of course Roger would laugh.

John really didn’t know how he had confessed this to the blond. This man didn’t change a bit.

The brunet was at the drummer’s house to compensate for the night before, where they didn’t see each other. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss being at Roger’s studio, playing with him.

Twenty-two years without exchanging a word and now they couldn’t be apart for a day. How adorable.

When John arrived Roger had asked him if today was an important occasion for them, and for some stupid reason John felt he could have an advice for the drummer without Roger mocking him first. 

John waited for Roger to finish the moment, but everytime the older man looked to the other he restart to laugh, hurting the brunet’s pride more and more.

“Ok, I think I’m leaving.” John got up, grabbing his bass with him.

Roger stopped quickly and ran to be in front of John, to not let him go. John’s face was rigid, still mad with his friend’s reaction.

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry. It’s just...It’s funny, you can’t deny it.” Roger made his best to not laugh again.

“It’s not funny when it’s yourself.” John cut him off.

“Sorry again. But...Did this never happen with you?”

John didn’t want to discuss his sex life with Roger. Ok, getting advice was one thing, but opening up with Roger was way deeper. And John didn’t know if they were ready to be this kind of friends.

Maybe Roger sensed John being defensive, because he said “You don’t have to say it, but this happens when you start to get old. We’re not twenty-something anymore, to misfire every time.”

“You shithead!”

And this time they giggled together, with Roger singing the lyrics of John’s song that was never released, but that Roger liked to joke about.

“I can’t believe you still know the lyrics.” John hid his face with his hands.

“It’s a song too good to forget.”

“What song?”

They two looked to the door and saw Freddie smiling at them. He and Brian were with their partners shopping and they just went back, and when John arrived Roger said to the brunet Freddie asked for John to wait until they come back. Even though he asked four times to Roger what was the reason, the drummer didn’t say a word.

“Misfire.” Roger was still wearing a cocky smile, and John rolled his eyes.

“Oh, I love this song. So catchy, just like the theme of it.” Teased Brian.

“I hate all of you.” John said, but still smiling to them.

Freddie looked to Roger, who couldn’t tear his eyes apart from John.

“Roger said you wanted to talk with me about something.” The brunet looked to the Queen frontman and guitarist.

They two shared a glance with Roger, the blond nodding, and then Brian sat in the chair next to John, and with his softest tone, he started to talk “We are making a new album, you already know this.” He saw John nodding. “And we will record it here.”

“Which is crazy, since this is far shorter than ours in London, but this bitch is making us.”  Freddie pointed to Roger.

“Because I want to be around to help Ben and Joe with the wedding!” Roger defended himself.

“Yeah, yeah, sure.”

“Anyway” Brian spoke a bit louder, to make himself be heard. “we have been thinking a lot, and we kinda wanted you to play in this album with us.”

John who was, until now, smiling politely to them, got caught off guard, surprised. He looked to the three men in front of him, all of them with a encourageous expression on their faces.

“I mean, you already will, since you made the bass riff for Prime Jive, and this is a good song for this album.” Added Freddie, when he saw John getting lost on his own mind.

Roger saw it as a window and he said “And maybe, if you want to you can go ba...” but before he could finish, Brian put his hand on his shoulder, and mouthed “Don’t”.

By the look John gave to the blond, he understood; maybe John wasn’t be ready to be in Queen again. Maybe he would never be.

John was deep in his thoughts, thinking how life could be if he did something musically again. 

It was too good, but also too bad. He still didn’t get up again for the only time he tried. 
  
So his first question that pops out his mind was “What about Niel?”

“Everyone in the band but us has a contract, that only tie them with Queen during the album making and the tours, so they are only on Queen when we call them.” Brian explained with calm. 

“So we can call Niel only to the tour, since I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t like to play live again.” Freddie looked a bit sad, because he knew how John felt about it.

Roger really wished John had said something else, but the brunet agreed “Yeah, I wouldn’t.”

The drummer’s hand caressed John’s arm, squeezing a little, before he spoke “You never lost your touch, Deaky, and even though I really like Niel, we had never found a bass player like you.” 

John looked at him, and Roger saw a sparkle glowing on those eyes. “That’s why we want to play with you again, so can you please just give it a try?” 

John never imagined he would hear Roger talking like that to him again. This took him to a memory, never so vivid like right now, and his heart ached inside his chest. He shouldn’t say yes because deep down he knew he would get hurt at some point, by music or by Roger. 

But there was no other answer to give.

“Ok. Just give me a few days to say to my family and to reschedule my agenda.” and with it John received the warmest smile from the blond.

Chapter Text

Joe, Ben and Lucy were on a cake store specialized on wedding cakes. The blonde actress said Rami and Gwilym were talking with their agents for new projects and they couldn’t be there, but Lucy was glad his boyfriend wasn’t there.

“So, boys, I was wondering what do you think about this?.” Lucy took a small box out of his purse.

The couple gasped, surprised, looking to the golden ring on the box and then looking back to their friend, who seemed emotional, tears rising on her eyes.

“Sorry, Lucy, but I’m already engaged.” Teased Joe, making the woman laugh.

“Please, you’re not even my type.” The blondie replied, cleaning her face.

“Lucy, of course Rami will say yes. He’s over heels for you. He was kinda annoying during the movie, stealing my fake wife when we should rehearsal our scenes.” Ben smiled, nodding.

“But, please, put this ceremony in a two years spare. Next year is Gwil’s and we can’t handle so many bachelor parties.” 

They were still laughing when the cakes came. That was one of the most difficult parts of the whole package, because Joe wanted a simple and modern menu, while Ben was asking for a traditional and fancy one. And the cake was at the top of their priorities right now; how the two little grooms in the top would be made it was the less of the problems.

The couple and Lucy were eating small portions of delicious cakes (to avoid getting full so quickly) when Ben got a notification of Tiger’s Finsta. He heard Joe saying how good the blueberry jam was on his cake when Ben’s cheeks got red of anger.

“Joe.” The blond called his fiancee, and without saying more he showed the picture to Joe, who gasped, and Lucy frowned when she saw it too.

“Is that...?” she asked, shocked.

“I’m gonna call my parents.” And Ben stood up, going outside.

---
 
Veronica was having a really good time with Debbie, Anita and Jim.

She never had many friends, even when she was at England, and having a full-time job as staying-home mom of three, she only had time for a book club, that could take her away from home sometimes. But even still she felt it was not the same.

So she was quite lonely.

And now she had three people to talk about anything. It was weird for her, specially because at first she thought Debbie was too close to her, even physically.   But after all their husbands’ drama, they were good, and with Anita and Jim addition, Veronica could feel a light in the the air.

They talked everyday, by messages or personally. Anita was a wine person, always inviting them to go to some restaurant to try a new vintage wine. Jim liked to garden, enjoying to go to Veronica’s backyard and dream about the best species to plant there. Debbie was too focused on the wedding, always adding something on her list and sending or showing to Veronica, so the woman couldn’t feel left out.

Summarily, they were a good and diverse group.

But Veronica still had some questions.

“So how do you deal with your husbands’ fame?” she asked, during afternoon tea (she never could give up of this tradition). 

“It’s fine. Some paparazzis here and there, but they never answer any question about their families.” Replied Anita, before eating a biscuit.

“Ok, that’s not true, because Freddie talks a lot about our cats.” Jim smiled, proud. And with this he showed to Veronica a hundreds of pictures of their cats.

“Roger is the one who likes to expose more, because he likes to be the rockstar type.” Debbie shrugged.

Veronica felt a bit of resiment on the blondie’s statement, and after some seconds debating if she should ask, she questioned “Did you want him to be different?”

“Not even for a second, but he knows that being too public can have consequences.”

Now, more than ever, Veronica felt something was wrong, because the other three shared a look. But maybe it was just the outsider feeling; she couldn’t expect to feel like them so quickly.

Jim looked to Veronica energetic again and said “So, Veronica, I didn’t know exactly what John does for living.”

“Oh. He works in a music business company. Helping the company manager to find new artists.” She answered, glad to lighten the mood.

“That sounds fascinating. Like a doctor helping a child come to the world.” Anita commented, with an awe.

“Actually he does the hard work: listening the demos, watch some auditions, and make the reports to send to his superior. All the glory goes to him, not John, but he prefers it that way, as he says.”

Veronica doesn’t want to talk out loud, but John never felt that way; he looked like her father at the end of each day, coming back from the factory: tired and lifeless. She had always asked him to find a new job, because he had worked in the same place for more than twenty years and he didn’t have much ascension in the company, however, he said he couldn’t leave.

But, after discovering about John’s past with Queen she could understand: something happened there to make him feel he deserved that limbo.

John wasn’t miserable on Veronica’s eyes, no. He loved his family and to spend time with them, and he liked to read and to play video games in the weekends with his kids, but…

She saw a different sparkle on his eyes while he had been playing that day with Freddie, Brian and Roger. And she saw an energy between John and…

No, no. She was just getting crazy. Damn, she should’ve agreed with Anita and buy wine instead of tea.

“Oh-oh. Someone is far away from here.” Sang Debbie, and she smiled when Veronica blinked in confusion to her. “What’s up in your head, dear?”

Veronica smiled back. “Just thoughts.”

“Care to share?” 

But before Veronica could think of sharing her thoughts or not, Debbie’s phone started buzzing, and she answered. “Hi, Ben. Shouldn’t you be...? Wait, slow down. Ok, ok, I’m going home, but can you at least...? Ok, son, I’m coming.” Debbie ended the confused call and looked to her friends. “It looks I’m in a big trouble.”

---
 
Roger was with Freddie and Brian in the studio, each one showing some ideas for the album. The drummer said he was writing at least five songs in the moment. For his friends that was impressive.

“You weren’t so participative with the song writing since the first album, Rog, I must say.” Pointed Freddie, with thoughtful eyes on the blond man.

“I know.” Roger looked away; he knew his friend’s intention.

“Can you imagine what’s similar between those two albuns, dear?” insisted the lead singer.

“I cannot.”

“Roger, we know you well enough to know when you’re lying.” Brian commented.

The drummer was about to give a sharp reply to his friend when they heard a loud bang in the front door. Whoever wanted to enter the house sounded angry.

The three men walked upstairs, Roger going to open the door, finding a furious Ben looking at him, Joe on his side, wearing a worried expression. “I thought today was the cake day.” He was intrigued.

With a good timing Debbie was just arriving on her car, going out quickly. She looked as confused as her husband. 

“It was, until I saw this.” Ben showed his phone screen, a picture of Rory and Tiger. Debbie just came next to them and looked closer to the photo.

“Are they vaping?” Debbie made a rhetorical question, because it was pretty clear, since each one was holding colorful vape pens and a white smoke was getting out their mouths.

“Yeah, they are.” Ben went into the house, not knowing where he wanted to go, just that he was angry as hell with his parents. All that meant one thing. “Did you never talk with them about my problem?”

Joe looked anxiously at his fiancee, afraid of him having a breakdown. “Ben, calm down, please, babe.”

“No, I can’t, Joe, because apparently my parents never spoke a word with my little sisters that they should be out of drugs!”

“Benjamin, that looks like those fruit flavours vapes, they’re harmless.” Debbie tried to put some sense on her son.

“They are not! First is this, then actual cigars, and then weed, and then another drugs!” Ben gasped, outrageous. He never imagined he’d need to speak with them about it.

Roger was quiet, which is unusual. But he could feel he was feeling deeply guilty about it.

“Hey, son, we can talk with them about it, but they are teens, of course they want to experiment things.” Debbie tried again.

“Mom, what the hell are you saying? They can’t ‘experiment things’ like this, ever!” Ben’s green eyes were getting watery, and the first strand of tears rolled when he looked to his father. “Why have you never told them, dad?”

Roger’s heart hurt with his son’s voice. “I...I don’t know why.”

“You’re stupid, both of you!”

“Hey! You can’t talk with me like this, boy! I’m your damn father!” Roger pointed his finger to Ben.

That was the moment Joe realized he needed to interfere, so he put himself between the two blond men. Freddie and Brian went to Roger’s side, trying to calm him down, while Debbie was in the corner of the living room, crying in silence.

The ginger actor took a deep breath and said, looking from Ben to Roger “What Ben poorly tried to say is that Rory and Tiger are teens but also mature enough to handle a conversation like this. Especially if they knew what Ben had been through.” And he looked again to his lover. “Right?”

The blond drummer looked to his future son-in-law a bit impressed. Something about his calm voice and behavior during a crisis reminded him of Joe’s father.
Ben needed some air to chill out again. He loved his father and his mother, but how could they not say to their two daughters that he had been on a rehab clinic?

Joe needed a pizza, and not a really healthy pizza. He needed those ones with a lot of fat and cheese. He’d already had with his lactose intolerance pills, so he could eat as much as he want to. And he knew the perfect place for it.

He was halfway there when he saw a blond man getting into a church. Joe was puzzled; he didn’t know Ben was a religious person, and even though he knew he shouldn’t peak his movie partner’s personal life he got curious after six more persons got into the church just like Ben, with a bag of food.

The ginger parked his car and walked to the church’s side door (so he couldn’t be noticed at first), and then he saw everyone hugging each other and chatting, Ben remaining a bit away from everyone else, looking shy, and after some minutes they sat in circle. A nun showed a smile and said “Welcome, everyone. Everyone here knows that’s a safe space to talk about your day and your own struggles, even you’re catholic or not. I’m seeing new faces here, so I’d like to hear you first.”

Ben stood up with his hands on his pockets. “Hi, my name is Ben, and I used to use heroin and cocaine, and I’ve been clean for six months. I guess that’s all for tonight.”

“Welcome, Ben.” Everyone in the circle spoke in one time and gave a single clap.

Joe opened his mouth, surprised. Ben looked so healthy and such, but it looks he has his own monsters as anybody.

---
 
The day after Joe was on set, next to the food table, talking with Gwil about their last scene, because he thought he wasn’t good enough, and they should ask for another shot. Then he saw Ben getting next to the table too, taking a sandwich, and for some reason he got nervous. 

Gwil said he needed to text his girlfriend and let them two alone. Joe thought he should say something.

When he turned around to talk with Ben, the blond spoke first. “I saw you last night.”

Joe got off guard. “What?!?”

“Last night, at the church.” Joe tried to form words, and it seemed amusing for the other actor, who just continued “You’re ginger, mate. You can’t be hidden.”

“I’m so sorry, Ben. I wasn’t there to gossip about you.” Joe got nervous, wanting to explain everything.

“I know.”

“But that’s also okay if you want to, you know, talk about it with me.” Joe bit his own lower lip. “I mean, I’m not a support group, but I’m a good listener.”

Ben smiled. It seems he’ll have a great partner at this movie.

Chapter Text

“Your wedding story sounds like a movie!” chanted Cameron, on the dinner table.

Joe thought it’d be better to talk to his family about what happened earlier over dinner, at his parents’ house. John was wanting to tell them news too, and accepted the invitation.

“Hey, and what happened with your head, Cam?” asked Joe, seeing a purple bruise on his brother’s head.

“Oh. This was...I fell over today at class. You know me, I’m clumsy.” And the boy turned his attention again to his food.

Then the ginger actor eyed his other brother, who’s just eating his smashed potato and rice quietly, which is unusual. “Are you okay, Luke? Cam’s just commented about my wedding and you didn’t throw your plate against the wall.”

“Joe, don’t poke at him.” Asked Veronica, tired with this feud.

John looked up at the exact moment Luke gave a scary look to Joe, but the teenager didn’t say a word. The man thought that maybe it was time for another talk with his youngest son.

“Can we, please, talk about something more light?” Veronica tried, after some moments of silence.

“I have some news.” John cleared his throat, and four pairs of eyes stared at him. He was nervous, even though he didn’t need to.

It was nothing too serious, so he didn’t have to be afraid. After all he’s an adult, he could do whatever he wanted with his life. But that’s not the problem. What’s really worrying him was what came after speaking.

Because it’d make everything real. Him being back with Queen would be real.

And everything he worked so much on, to build his life could turn into dust in a blink of an eye.

“Brian, Freddie and Roger made me an offer to play with them in their next album. And I accepted it.” John spoke, trying to be neutral.

Veronica blinked to him, in shock, like she never saw this side of her husband before. Her sons were puzzled, a bit intrigued with the upcoming news.

“But you never looked interested to play again.” Commented Cam. “Dad, you never played in another band.”

“And coming back to Queen looks a little...too much.” Added Joe.

“Relax.” Smiled John. “I’m not going on tour with them. It’s just bass riffs, that’s all.”

“John.” The couple looked at each other, and John sensed the worry on his wife’s face. “Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

I know it’s not. “It’s just to chill, to remember the old times. A friends’ reunion, nothing else.”

He knew Veronica would comment more later, because she only wiggled her eyebrows, unbelieving, and restarted to eat. With no more remarks, the dinner continued.

John was scared as hell with the unknown problems that his choice could contain, but with the same strength he felt a force pulling him to play again with Freddie, with Brian and with Roger.

The sonic volcano would have a rebound. Musically, of course.

And John waited for Veronica to go to bed and Joe to go to his own house so he could knock on Luke’s bedroom’s door. He hated all the times he had to have this conversation with his son, especially because he never thought he’d have to have it. But before he could wonder again what happened with Luke to go to the wrong side, John heard a “I’m busy.” from the other side of the door.

“It’s me, Luke.” Called John.

“Oh, gosh.” Groaned in a low tone for the boy, but John heard it anyway. And in a louder voice he added “Come on in, then.”

John entered the room with a plain expression. Luke was laid down on his bed, his laptop on his lap, and the older man heard a man talking about Greek History before Luke paused it.

From all three kids, John knew Luke was the smartest – of course he never said it out loud. The boy worked hard in class and he’s always one of the best of his grade. That’s the condition his parents made for him to play in a high school band. Luke’s band was good for a high school band; the members were average, maybe because none of them besides Luke was craving something professionally.

John sat in a chair, in front of Luke, while he stayed sat on his own bed.

“I see you’re trying to make an effort to not fight with Joe.” John started. “And I’m proud of you, but it looks like it isn’t enough for you to change your mind about his marriage.”

“Not this talk again!” whined the boy, looking for his earphones.

John noticed him trying and caught the earphones before Luke. “Yes, this talk again. Because, Luke, in this family we don’t turn our backs on anyone. That’s not what we taught you.”

It was clear that Luke was uncomfortable, and he had something to say about it but he didn’t want to. Eiterway, John understood he would speak at some point so he waited for him, patiently, and as he grew up in their house Luke knew his dad wouldn’t give up easily. John stayed there, calm and unshakable.

“Dad, you don’t understand what I need to hear at my school.” Luke claimed.

“So help me to understand.” Interjected John.

Luke rolled his eyes, knowing it’s a lost battle. “They joke about Joe’s movie. Because he was naked, and made out...with another man.”

“Did you support your brother?”

“Dad! People would think I’m gay too!”

“Are you?”

“No!”

“Then what are you worried about?”

Luke looked down to his own knees, closing his hands on fists. He knew his father wouldn’t understand him.

“People stopped to make fun of me because I’m british just now. I got popular now, people know me, so I don’t want something to happen for me to lose it.”

“But these people you want to know you will be out of your lives in a couple of years. But you will be brother of Joe and Cam forever. So choose wisely in what team you want to be on.” John leaned to kiss Luke’s forehead.

With this he got up and got out of the room, leaving Luke with an awkward feeling in his stomach.

---

Ben was in the kitchen with Roger, waiting for Rory and Tiger’s class to be over, so he could have a serious talk with his sisters. Meanwhile, his father said his news about John playing in the new album with Queen.

Roger imagined that his son’s reaction would be more enthusiastic than it was.

“Did you not enjoy the idea?” asked Roger, still surprised with the lack of emotion from Ben.

“No, dad, I think it’s great.” Nodded the actor. “Mr Deacon is a good bassist and it looks like you four have a great chemistry together.”

Chemistry. That’s a word Roger didn’t hear about him and John for a while. He forced himself to not smirk.

“So what? You’re not thrilled with the news either.”

“I’m just...a bit worried.” Ben frowned, trying to pick the right words. He knew his father’s temper, especially when it was about Queen. “You two restarted to get along just now. Maybe it’s a too forward step to make?”

Roger’d be lying if he said he’s not worried too. Being around John was a ticking bomb, and if he didn’t push the right strands everyone around them could explode.

He needed to be careful this time, because now they weren’t the only ones who could get hurt with it. Ben said about being too forward...but at the same time Roger wanted to be more forward.

“I’m not saying it isn’t nice to see Queen’s original formation, I’m just saying to you both be careful, you know?” Ben complemented.

“We didn’t force him to accept, son. He’s doing it on his own will. Besides we probably won’t have the same opportunity again.”

“Now you sound like you’ll die after my wedding.” Ben giggled.

“Maybe, because you’ll live permanently here, and will forget your old father here in England.”

“Now we know where Ben got his acting skills.” Laughed Rory, getting into the kitchen with Tiger.

Tiger was putting an apple on her mouth when she felt Ben’s eyes on him. He was hearing a serious glance, that one he wore every time he wanted to lecture her and Rory.

Even with their parents as a constant presence in their lives, Ben always had a soft spot in their hearts. He was the best big brother anyone could want for: fun, supportive, who made adventures with them and never got tired with the tea parties and make-up moments. He knew how to talk with them, even being more old than them and was the best confidant of his sisters.

“Uh, uh, Rory. I think we are in trouble.” Said Tiger, still with a mocking tone.

“Yes, you are.” Ben crossed his arms, nodding.

“Go talk with them in their bedroom.” Advised Roger.

Ben knew that being a big brother meant he needed to lecture his sisters sometimes – of course he’d have to do that sometimes, they’re teenagers, they made mistakes. But in general they were good girls and they didn’t get into too much trouble. But right now he needed to have a real talk with them.

To be honest he wished that his parents did this before because he wanted to avoid the expressions the blond knew Rory and Tiger would wear: surprise and disappointment. Ben knew how they would think of him, as someone perfect, flawless. And break this misconception would be hard for him too.

After all, reminding them about all these horrible years, that he wasted almost all his teen years with meaningless feelings of freedom, was still hard for him. But only this way he could help his sisters not to go to the same way.

He cried during the talk with them, saying how much he regretted letting the drugs control him like that, to make him go to a clinic to clean himself. He wanted to talk about the overdose that almost killed him, but the actor didn’t have the courage to.

“I know people say that’s just vaping, but it’s not.” Ben wiped the tears from his face. “Please, promise me you will never put this in your mouths.”

Rory went to the bedroom wardrobe and took two pink filters, walked to Ben and handed it to him. “Take them. We won’t use them again.”

“I know you’re smart.” Ben smiled, opening his arms, and Rory and Tiger hugged him.

“Of course we are.” Said Tiger, making all three of them laugh.

They talked a bit more, now about lighter stuff, and Ben said he needed to talk with their mother, and went out the room.

Tiger waited a moment and opened the bedroom door, to see if Ben was really gone, and she shut the door one more time, looking surprised to see her sister. “Ben really thinks we didn’t know about all this?”

“I guess.” Rory shrugged. “I mean, he spent six months away and he thought we never noticed? He’s nuts.”

Tiger crouched next to her bed and took out a box from under it. “So what are we going to do with this weed? Throw it away?”

“Of course not. Weed can’t hurt us like cocaine hurt Ben. We’re good.”

Chapter Text

John had a day off and wanted to have lunch alone with Veronica, and maybe try again at some action – since the last few weeks were disastrous – but she was with the Taylors.

He giggled by himself; she complained at first but now his wife was at their house all the time.

Both had excuses for it, of course.

When he parked his car in front of the Queen drummer’s house, everyone already knew about him coming, and he was greeted by Freddie, saying that everyone was waiting for him to eat.

Debbie and Veronica were focused on the blondie’s tablet, looking for cigarettes for the grooms, and John kissed his wife’s forehead. Ben and Joe were close, trying to be included; the actors liked to joke about it.

“I’d like to have an opinion about my own wedding, you know?” teased Ben.

“We’re trying to filter the better options, dear.” Veronica said, still with her eyes in the tablet.

“But how do you want to pick chairs if you didn’t choose the flowers yet?” meddled Freddie, serious. “Do I really need to enter in on the wedding planning force?”

“Oh, that’s true. The flowers need to match.” Debbie bit her lower lip, recognizing her fault.

“It’s one of the first things Jim and I chose in our wedding.” Freddie showed a nostalgic smile, recording the day. “Helps to choose the rest.”

“By the way your wedding was flawless, Freddie.” Pointed out Joe. “I mean, I wasn’t there, but I saw the photos on the internet. You have great taste.”

“I knew you’d think that. After all you chose my godson, which shows the good taste you have.” Freddie winked at him, making the couple laugh.

Brian and Anita showed up in the living room, the guitar player had a suffering expression. “Are you going to eat or not? I’m starving.”

“You’re always starving, Brian.” Jested John, with a smirk.

“Shut up.”

Finally the group went to the kitchen table to eat, part of them still discussing Freddie’s wedding (Joe being the only one who wasn’t physically there) and the rest of them were listening to Roger complaining about the USA’s weather.

“It’s always sunny and hot.” The blond man said between a chew and another. “We’ve been there a couple of times, but not long enough to realize it’s annoyingly hot.”

“Don’t be so whiny, Roger.” Anita waved her hand. “In two months it will be more cold.”

“Two months? Oh god!”

“Then why don’t you go back to England, Roger?” John asked in a playful tone.

They shared an intimate look. At this time Roger didn’t feel attacked by John’s words anymore – they were in another moment of their...The drummer didn’t want to name them. But he knew they were better than before.

“Are you trying to get rid of me, Deaky?” Roger went along with the teasing.

That stupid nickname.

Brian and Freddie (who was, still now, focused more on his wedding talk) noticed John’s cheeks get redder over his old nickname and they quickly exchanged a knowing glance.

“I’m just thinking about the best for you.” John defended himself, still smiling.

“Too bad for you, but I’m not going, because I don’t trust you three with making this album without my supervision.” Roger said, shamelessly winking to the others, making John giggle.

“More than 20 years of partnership to hear this from you. Cheers, Roger.” Brian showed the middle finger, and the table burst in laughs.

---

With all the discretion he could, John was calling Veronica to go home, but the woman was more interested to talk about the dancing rehearsals Ben and Joe should have, pointing out that her son wasn’t the best dancer and he should use some practice to not embarrass himself during the couple’s waltz. The ginger man strongly rolled his eyes when Ben engrossed his future mother-in-law’s comment.

Seeing he wouldn’t have what he wanted today, the brunet man got closer to Brian, Freddie and Roger, who were talking about the band’s finances, and how they should talk with Miami about the new album’s art. Almost all of the songs were already made, so they had the album concept, which helped the art department to show some ideas to them.

“I remember that John helped with the finances in the first album.” Called Brian. “He was always calling us out about ‘stupid expenses’”.

“Because it was stupid indeed.” John said, raising his eyebrows. “Giving floppy disks for the crowd. You were out of your minds.”

“We are smarter now, Deaky.” Promised Roger, with a laptop in front of him. He took it from your lap and stood up, going to the kitchen. “Brian, I bought that apple juice you like so much.”

“And why did you say that just now, mate?” The curly-haired man got up too, going to the same room.

John sighed, sitting next to Freddie. The older man noticed something under the small act. His friend looked tired, even though most of the time today he hid it very well.

“Something is bothering you, dear?” asked Freddie.

He looked to Freddie, thinking if he should say, especially with Veronica so close to them. So he shifted a bit more and answered in a low tone “Veronica. As much as I liked our day here, I wanted to be at home by now. To enjoy a bit of my day off with her.”

“Oh.” Freddie’s face lightened up, and then he giggled. “Straight sex. I see.”

“Shut up.”

“I imagined that having two of three kids at home can make things harder to happen. That’s why I only have cats.”

“You’re unbelievable.” John slapped Freddie’s shoulder, gushing. “But...Let’s say we’re not getting along that much lately. In this area.”

“Why?”

John got red in a second. Why did he start this topic anyway? “I...I can’t.”

Freddie covered his mouth, out of words. With some seconds he found courage to question “Since when, if I can ask? I mean, you remember when was the last time?”

With a quick working out, John said “Two days before that barbecue here. When we played Ride the Wild Wind.”

There’s something on Freddie’s expression that John couldn’t clearly read, like his friend could see something that he wasn’t able to. Before he could ask Freddie about it, his phone rang. An email from work.

He was still in the middle of the e-mail when his phone died. John knew his boss was being stressed these days and could be very annoying if he didn’t point out he received the email right away. And then he looked to Roger’s laptop.

“Roger, can I use your laptop to see my emails?” John was already grabbing the laptop; he thought he could based on how Roger never was selfish with his things.

“Of course, Deaky.” He heard the drummer yelling from the kitchen. And in ten seconds he screamed “No!”

The whole group could hear Roger running back to the living room, and everyone but John looked to him when they heard the noise. John stayed still.

Roger’s laptop was opened on the man’s own email. And John didn’t even want to look at it – he never was a nosy person – but before he could open a new tab, something caught his attention. An email with the subject ‘John Deacon’s monthly paycheck’, sent by the band manager, Jim Miami.

He clicked on the email. It wasn’t sent to Brian or Freddie or anyone else. Only to Roger.

Ten slow seconds.

John looked to Roger, who looked terrified to him.

Something hot and dark started to boil inside of John, and with shaking hands he closed the laptop, putting it on the small table in front of him.

“John.” Called Roger. By the face John was wearing he saw it.

Fuck. Just now when they...

“John.” The blond called again, in an almost-crying tone.

“Please, explain.” John’s nostrils are large now and he’s buffing.

“It’s just...Look, I...” Roger felt his lips trembling, knowing he couldn’t explain shit.

“What’s going on?” Joe looked from Roger to his father, and then to anyone else who could answer his question.

“‘John Deacon’s monthly paycheck’? Every month I receive an email from the band’s manager about my part of the first album’s royalties. But he sent to you and only to you about my paycheck too. So something is odd here. Why did he send this to you?” John got up, arms crossed.

Some people in that room knew that body language, especially Veronica and Roger. John was highly pissed.

Roger glanced at Freddie and Brian. They knew he was fucked, but it was time to let John know.

“Say to him, darling.” Encouraged Freddie, and Brian nodded.

Back to John, the brunet stayed the same, and Roger felt his stomach twirl. He was about to be sick.

“Breakthru. Half of the song’s money is sent to you.” Roger swallowed hard. “Every month Miami signalized to me that the transition was made.”

The realization hit John, his face showing how shocked he was. The man was feeling betrayed, that’s for sure; years receiving money from Roger without knowing! But deep down, inside caps and layers of pride, there’s another and very different feeling.

But John couldn’t let it rise.

“I should have suspected it. I always thought the paycheck was too big, but I never imagined or asked why.” John rolled his eyes, annoyed. And then his eyes went to Roger. “You had the time to tell me this. We were friends again, you could’ve told me.”

‘We were’. That crossed Roger’s heart more painfully than it shoul have.

“I thought to tell you!” the drummer’s voice came out peachy, with fear. “But I know how you are.”

“And how am I, Roger Taylor?” everyone could hear the impedent tone from John.

His eyes were dark, his eyebrows curved down, making him look pretentious. Roger never liked this side of John.

“You’re a stupid arrogant man that would never accept the money if you knew where it’s coming from!” Roger spoke each word louder than the last one, and in the end he was yelling.

“Dad!” warned Ben, making the two men look at him. Maybe for some moments they forgot they weren’t alone. “You can’t talk with Joe’s father like that. With my father-in-law.”

“Veronica, we’re leaving.” John passed Roger without looking.

“No, we are not.” Veronica said.

John looked back, not believing his wife wouldn’t back him up on this. Maybe Debbie and Ben didn’t know clearly about the reason for the fight, but they were hiding it better than Veronica and Joe. The ginger actor was still with a puzzled expression, being comforted by his fiancee.

“Ronnie...” John called her, in a smoother way.

“No, John. You two can’t end things like that anymore.” Veronica was tough with them, staring from him to Roger. “We are family now, whether you want it or not.”

“Ben and I can’t go back there, guys.” Begged Joe, with a sad expression. “We can’t.”

John and Roger looked to each other again. There was so much resentment there, especially because of that song.

That song that John haunted his dreams so many years.

“One thing I want to understand, Roger.” Veronica spoke again. “For some reason I know this song is credited to you. Then why did John want half of the money?”

For the first time since the beginning of the fight John wore a scared look. He started to think quickly. Which good excuse could he give to his wife and son?

“Because” John could have broken his neck at how fast he looked into Roger’s direction. “he helped me with the harmonies and with the chorus.”

“A bit too expensive chorus.” Joe sounded like he didn’t believe much.

“Then, John, since you helped a lot in the song’s creation, why wouldn’t you accept the song’s money?”

Yes, he helped a lot.

But it’s because of the meaning, Ronnie.

“Because I don’t want his charity!” John couldn’t stay there. He needed to think properly, so he marched towards the front door and left the house.

Chapter Text

The Queen drummer went upstairs to his room, to find some peace. Maybe a pill to help him to sleep without dreaming. 

He’s been chased even on his dreams.

But when he just took a pill his bedroom door was opened, Ben entering with a furious look. 

“Dad, what the hell? Do you want to blow up my marriage before it even happen?” Ben barfed, his fists hitting his own sides.

Seconds later Debbie, Freddie and Brian were there too.

“Can’t I have a second of calm in this house?” groaned Roger, shutting his eyes.

“Ben, let his father sleep a bit.” Debbie asked, touching her son’s upper arm, but he shook her off.

“I don’t. Dad, please.” With this Roger opened his eyes again. Ben seemed hurt. “Go talk with him. You two got along again, so it’s not over between you two.”

That’s the real problem.

“Benjamin, if I can give my opinion.” Brian spoke with his soft and polite voice, qnd the blond actor looked at him. “John won’t hear Roger with a clear mind. He will need a day or two to breath and to think about it. I can go and talk a bit with him.”

“Son.” Roger grabbed his son’s hand, and this time Ben didn’t shove off. “We are a family, and family fights all the time.”

“You fooled him, dad. That’s way different.” Ben clarifyed.

“I will apologize to him, don’t worry. You and Joe won’t be affected by us.”

“I hope so.”

The pill was already showing effect, and Ben, Brian and Freddie got out of the room, letting Debbie with her husband. 

Roger moved in the bed, trying to get himself more cozy, and with heavy eyes he looked at her.

“You two don’t learn a thing.” Commented Debbie, caressing Roger’s blond hair. “Being careless again.”

“What do you mean?” the drummer whispered. Right now it’s so hard to talk.

“Fighting like two teens! Anyone could cut the tension with a knife.”

“You’re crazy.”

Roger exhaled calmly, closing his eyes. Debbie kissed his forehead, worried. “I wish I was. But I know what I saw.”

---

Joe was driving his mom to home. He could feel she was ashamed with his dad’s childish behavior, but there was something else in a bigger proportion.

“Mom, do you wanna talk about it?” asked Joe, worried with her.

His parents always were to private, even for their sons. Joe, Cam and Luke never saw them fight or arguing or even looking bad to the other, but the actor was way old to know that no relationship can be this long and not having any problems. Yes, he could describe his parents as the politest couple on Earth, but they must have issues.

And since Joe’s future parents-in-law showed up he discovered that they indeed had.

“Are you still mad with the whole former rockstar life of dad?” insisted the man.

“No, Joe. I barely remember this.” Veronica breathed. Yes, she still remembers, once or twice, that her husband had a secret from her for too long, but she wouldn’t let this break her family.

They were happy, after all. After this.

“Then...?” Joe pushed a bit more.

“I don’t like how John reacts when it’s something related to Queen.” The woman confessed, and she slowly licked her lips. “It’s too deep, too personal for him. And now he will make an album with them.”

“I’m not sure about that. Not after this fight.”

Veronica snorted, almost laughing with the thought. “Your father is silly, Joe. He wants to play with them.”

When Joe stopped in front of his parents’ house, he turned to his mom, still overthinking. “Dad should call Roger. I can’t stand they fighting again.”

“They won’t, baby. They reconnected because of you and Ben, and they surely will do again.” Veronica kissed his son’s cheek and they got out the car.

When they entered the house, John was walking in the living room, clearly torn. He looked with the sound of door being opened and showed a weird smile to Veronica. Maybe he was scared that she should’ve got mad with what he did.

And she was.

“Ronnie, I’m so sorry. I just let myself be hit by the moment.” he walked to her, but when he was two steps to her, Veronica raised her hand, and he stopped.

“You should apologize to your son.” She pointed to Joe, who’s a bit scared, a bit sad with the situation in front of him. “You attacked his fiancee’s father, and I really don’t care if he’s right or wrong. You made mistakes too, and we already forgave you.”

John got back to his secrets. His wife knew...well, almost all of them.

“After we knew about your participation on Queen, I kinda understood why you had more money than your coworkers.” Joe spoke, a bit shy. “I mean, at first I thought it’d be some money from grandpa, but then everything made more...sense.”

“And we past that.” Veronica made it very clear. “But we can’t get back to the time when you and Roger back chat. I won’t allow it.”

“Me neither.” Assured Joe, firmly now. “And Ben won’t too.”

John shook his head. He ashamed his own family, arguing like a spoiled kid. He’s an adult man and he couldn’t forget that. 

But he knew why that hit him hardly.

“I’m sorry, Joe. I know I had a poor behavior in front of Ben’s family.” John moved closer to Joe and cupped his son’s face, almost tearing.

“Just don’t do it again, okay? I know you need some time to talk with Roger again, but promise me you two will be friends again.” Joe asked, suffering for his father, his mother and for himself.

“I’ll try my best.”

“That’s great, then.” Joe smiled again. “Now, excuse me, but I need to use the bathroom.”

The ginger man walked away to the commom bathroom, and John cleansed his face and he looked at his wife again. By the face she’s wearing, she still had some doubts.

Veronica let Joe disappeared to speak again “Look, John, just be more careful this time. I know you don’t want to hurt Joe or Ben.”

“I don’t.” nodded John.

“I just...” Veronica bit her own lip, indecided. “I just don’t like how you behave around Roger.”

John’s heart skipped a beat, and he could feel the air leaving his lungs. He’s probably dying.

“What do you mean?” he dared to ask.

“Roger is an amazing man, and I’m glad you two were talking again, but...He bring up your worse side.”

The brunet blinked, trying to absorve what Veronica was saying.

“He brought up the best of you, but also the worst. And that’s what I’m afraid of.”

That’s what John was afraid of too.

---

Brian let be a reasonable hour for visit someone to go to John’s house. Anita went too because she wanted to chat with Veronica.

When John opened the door to him he looked like he didn’t sleep much last night, but soon he wore a smile to his friend and greated the couple, giving space for them to get in. John said to Anita that Veronica was in their bedroom folding clothing, and she could be free to go there, and the woman went to that room.

To be honest John expected Freddie to be there; he always were the biggest band conciliator, trying to see everyone’s point. But this time it was Brian – John couldn’t complain, because they were great friends and Brian knew how to calm down any situation.

“Roger sent you here?” John tried to mock about it, but to be fair he was missing him already.

Oh, God. Look where they were now.

“No, I came here for my own will.” Brian smiled with serenity. John envyed Brian’s halo, so peaceful. “You know, Freddie and I don’t like to see you two fighting. We never did.”

“I’m sorry.” John looked down. 

He realized how many times he needed to apologize since Roger came back to his life, how everything go upside down. Everything was calmer, some things hidden, so he didn’t have to touch it.

Now he have to.

“I never had trouble to keep our friendship in secret to Roger, even that I wanted you two to talk again. I just knew it wasn’t the time.” Brian restarted.

“I don’t think it’ll ever be a good time.” John sighed.

“Don’t say that. You two proved it wrong earlier, being good friends again.” Brian gave him an emphatic look. “You just need to talk. Settle things up.”

“Brian...” John shook his head to avoid the thought. “We definetly shouldn’t settle things up.”

“John, the past...”

“I don’t want to think about it. I can’t handle it...and he probably can’t too.”

“So just make the present better. Let him be around one more time.” 

The youngest man tilted his head, thinking. “Okay, I’ll try.” and with a harder look he added “Ronnie said Roger brings up my best and my worse.”

Brian smiled, knowingly. “And what do you think?”

John definetly didn’t want to think about it.

Chapter Text

With Joe’s new project in the beginning, he’s having small windows to wedding planning, so he was using all the time he had to solve things out. 

In that week he, Ben and their parents would traine the wedding waltz at Ben’s flat. Also it’d be a nice way for John and Roger to see each other again and restart their friendship.

John was stupidly nervous about it, which was silly, since it’s not a big of a deal this encounter with Roger. To be more specific, Roger wasn’t a big of a deal.

Or he wanted to believe that. 

Roger also begged for news from John for Freddie and Brian, but they didn’t get any. He’s in the dark once again. Maybe it was them saying to control himself and not being a prick as he was before.

He will at least try to.

The Queen drummer entered his son’s flat without asking, seeing the grooms talking with John, the brunet man smiling over some joke his son said.

Light, strong, John.

“Hi, dad.” Ben said over there, taking Roger out of his trance. 

The man waved and walked until them, smiling to them. Joe and Ben mutely shared a glance and gave some space for their fathers to talk a bit. John was sitting in the couch, his spine now curled, making him look smaller.

“Hey.” Called Roger, nervous. 

“Hi, Roger.” John looked up, finding Roger’s eyes again.

Clear, vicious, Roger.

“Can I talk first?” John blinked to get out of his dream, and he nodded. “So, John, I’m sorry, for that day. I shouldn’t as those things about you, and of course I shouldn’t hide about the paycheck.”

“I shouldn’t be immature either. We can’t act like that. I should stay and talk with you like an adult.” John said.

Roger’s hand reached John’s arm, a delicate yet firm squeeze made. John looked to the touch, in silence. “I just got a bit afraid of...Well, of losing you.”

The brunet felt his throat getting dry. Fuck, it was less than a week, but he missed Roger so much. His energy, his silly jokes...

His smile.

John wanted to say, for few feverous seconds, that he’d never lose him.

“So...We’re even?” Roger gave him a insecure smile, and John nodded, more chill. The blond exhaled, relieved. “Thanks, John. I’ll be sincere with you from now on?”

John bit his own lip. They shouldn’t be sincere.

“Are you still up with Queen album, right?” Roger questioned, expectingly.

“Yes. I won’t give up.” John answered. Roger felt lighter.

“Where’s Ronnie?” asked the blond man, trying to started lighter.

“She’s with a flu. I asked Joe to reschedule, but he said we should at least not waste today.” John now scanned the room, and frowned. “And where’s Debbie?”

“Period. It gets her really bad, can’t get out of bed in those days.” Explained Roger, and in the end of the sentence he realized something.

And so John. “So that means...”

“Are you ready for the rehearsal? I already found the song.” Joe sounded happy, now that Bem’s father and his were good again.

“Joe, Roger and I are going to dance...together?” John spoke slowly, trying to show his point.

The grooms looked at each other and grinned mockingly. “Straight people.” Teased Ben.

“I know, right?” Joe laughed.

“It’s only because mom and Mrs Deacon aren’t here today. We’ll dance two songs, since we couldn’t agree only at one” Ben poked his fiancee, making Joe roll his eyes with the inside teasing “so both can lead.”

That’s hardly the problem.

The two pairs went to the space Ben and Joe emptied in the living room so they could dance. “This time is just for you two be okay around each other, and then we will say about the moviments.” Said Joe.

“Er...” Roger spoke, not having the strength to look directly into John’s eyes. “Do you mind if I lead in this song?”

“Oh.” It’s like John finally understood that it was real, he wasn’t hallucinating. “Yeah, okay.”

With some awkwardness, Roger let his hand found John’s low back, and he felt John putting his hand on his shoulder. The other two hands met in the other side, the two men admiring with a strange feeling how the brunet’s fingertips touch the drummer’s knucles. 

It felt...surprisingly pleseant.

A piano melody filled the room, the the older men lookd to the other couple. They seemed more familiar with the song, smiling over the harmony – of course, the song meant something on their love story.

Roger and John should be dancing, but they stayed still, seeing Joe leaning his head to rest on Ben’s shoulder and closing his eyes, content. The actors were in the happiness buble, dancing and enjoying the song without a care. Their fathers smiled without noticing.

“I like Joe.” The oldest blond man commented, making John look again to him. “He’s funny, and smart and incredibly good. He cares about Ben about his family, and I value this in a person.” John’s heart got bigger, proud of Roger praising his son.  

“I like Ben too.” John felt the need to point it out too. “He wanted to get along with us since the first moment, he’s polite and thoughtful, and he’s handling Luke’s situation very well, so I know he’s right for my son.” And the brunet saw the known Roger’s smirk that he showed when he’s proud of something.

“They will be happy, won’t they?” Roger asked, almost as a whisper.

“I hope so. They deserve.”

“At least them.”

John pretended he didn’t hear this.

Without realizing the song ended and Joe and Ben shared a quick kiss, and then they looked to their parents, still with shining eyes to them.

“What?” asked Joe, blushing.

Joe was too happy. Still had a lot of things to do until the wedding day, but damn, he was dancing the song it was playing at the radio when he first real-kissed Ben. He’s a sap, and he couldn’t believe how perfect the song fit with them (he surely forgot the “girl” part in the chorus), because if Ben is with him they can indeed rule the world.

Ben smiled when he watched Joe happily dancing their song. And somehow the rehearsal made him feel that he’s truly gettin married. Sure, they were doing all the planning for a reason, but dancing one of their waltzs stroke him the reality that, in some months, Joe will be his husband.

“Just admiring our sons. We can’t?” Roger wided his smile.

Something inside John dropped heavily when he heard ‘our sons’ coming out of the blond’s mouth. He wasn’t saying any lie, but then why it sounded weird to him?

“Now let’s teach you the moviments.” Ben happily clapped.

It was a hard task. John was a natural dancer, especially with pair-dancing, so he learned the steps quickly, but Roger never liked to dance much – at least not sober. Normally Ben would mock his dancing skills, but not today; it’s his damn wedding rehearsal.

When John and Roger were united again, the drummer felt more pressure. He didn’t want to look (more) like a fool. Joe and Ben watched closely the two men swinging, giving some tips. Roger was doing his best, leading the dance and gripping John’s back, tighting their hands hold to comand the waltz, the other man’s expression unreadable.

Like it was nothing.

After the hundredth time of the song playing, John was running again around Roger, just to stop back in front of him. Roger started to sing “You saved my soul” while grabbed John’s hands to put around his own neck. Half hipnotized, half in automatic pilot, he let his hands slide to Roger’s chest when he sang “Don’t leave me now, don’t leave me now, o-oh!”

He felt Roger’s heart against his palm.

The blond man saw John blinked nervously and grinned “What? I know the song by now.”

It’s not because of that.

He hated how smooth Roger’s voice was sometimes.

“Dad, it was too fast!” Joe pouted, putting John back to reality.

“I’m sorry. I’m a bit tired, son.” John grew the best fake smile, a quick response.

“They don’t need to be flawless today, love.” Ben tried to calm down the ginger. “At least not today, folks.” And the older men giggled after this.

The couple decided to give a quick rest for the other pair. Ben went to the kitchen to pick some leftovers for Joe and Roger, while John said he needed a cigarette. To be honest he just needed to be a bit away. He liked to be around, to be part of it, but sometimes was...too much.

He promised to himself not swim too deep, but that’s happening even without his consent.

When he couldn’t linger more time, John got back to the flat, where Roger was watching Joe and Ben saying about some date they had where the waiter slipped and threw pasta over Ben’s lap. It was a stupid story, but they were laughing.

Joe’s eyes found John. “Finally, dad! Are you very tired or we can try this song?” tried the man.

“Okay, let’s dance.” John smiled tirely. “At least this time I will lead. Less chances for Roger to smash my foot.”

“Oh, shut up.” Roger rolled his eyes, walking until he was in front of John again.

John pulled Roger closer, making his mocking expression become a confused one. The youngest man’s finger caressed the blond’s back for two seconds, the latter still so mesmerized with John’s action that almost didn’t feel him taking his other hand.

“Let me teach you a lesson or two about dancing, Meddows.” A sassy smile appeared, and Roger smiled back, not being able to be bland over his middle name on John’s mouth.

“Fuck off.” Roger couldn’t giggle. Not now. Not in front of his own son and John’s.

“I think you both will like this song, since you made Ben and I listen to it our whole childhood. Such a weird coincidence.” Joe grabbed his phone to look for the song.

“It’s not weird. Sir Elton John is british, and we like our own artists.” Defended Ben.

Roger and John seemed confused for some seconds, and then Joe played the song.

When the first notes started, clarity drown both men.

“I’m tired of Scrabble!” whined Roger, after losing poorly from Freddie.

“Oh my, you don’t chance, do you, blondie?” teased the Queen main singer, poking Roger’s belly. The drummer angrily shoved his hands away from him.

“If you don’t know how to lose, you shouldn’t play.” Adviced Brian, with a smirk.

John was giggling silently, still focusing on his college paper. He should keep his work in order if he wanted to stay in the band; as much as he loved to play, his education came first.

“I know what we will do. Let’s dance!” declared Freddie, lifting his arms.

“You know I can’t dance.” Brian commented, flatly.

“Not having me as a pair.” Freddie flicked his wrist, giving no much attention, and tuned the radio, picking the first station.

All four showed different expressions when they recognized the song: Freddie was amazed, Brian was confused, John was amused and Roger was disgusted.

“I’m not gonna dance a romantic song with any of you.” Roger pointed, looking deadly serious.

“It’s a dance, you moron, not sex.” Freddie walked to Brian, extending his hand. “Do you give me this dance, my lord?”

“You stupid.” But Brian took his hand stood up from the couch, envolving Freddie in a hug, both swinging in the song’s rhythm.

John looked with hilarity his two bandmates dancing Elton John’s song, laughing quietly when he heard Freddie yelling with Brian because he step on his foot. And then he saw a hand extended to him.

Looking up, he saw Roger with a tired expression, maybe only a façade to pretend he didn’t want to do it. “I guess we have to dance?”

“If you step in my foot, I’ll kick your ass.” John stood up and took Roger’s hand.

They found a place between the telly and the center table to dance. It wasn’t an elaborated dance, they were just moving according the tempo; they were good at it, by the way. 

Just for precaution John decided to lead, his hands around Roger’s waist, and the drummer put his around John’s neck. Before they could chat, Freddie yelled with Brian again, and the two youngest men glanced to each other and giggled together.

The bass player sighed, a content sound, and Roger scanned his face. “Are you enjoying being with the misfits?”

John saw the other pair again, but now they were chatting normally, and he turned back to the blond. He was happy there. “I’m good.”

And with an unexpected move, Roger got closer and rested his head on John’s chest, fitting perfectly behind his chin. John sighed again.

Roger and John blinked to each other when Sir Elton John, in the present, was singing “For each man in his time is Cain until he walks along the beach...And sees his future in the water, a long lost heart withing his reach...”

The brunet man took a couple of steps away from Roger, and made a painful expression. “Joe, I’m a bit tired. I think the smoking didn’t help.”

“Are you sure you can’t stay a bit and try to recompose yourself, Mr Deacon?” Ben asked, a bit disappointed.

Roger, who’s until now looking ablazed to John, get back to his normal self, and put his hands on his pockets. “I think we should end the day. I’m also worried with your mom since I got here. She’s there alone, she must be need me.”

“Alright, I think there’s no way we finish this today.” Joe gave up. “But can you, please, show the steps of Rule the World to mom and Debbie?”

They agreed, and without linger too much, they left, John too busy on his own mind to share a word or to look to the other

He entered in his car and left without saying good bye to Roger. The blond, in other hand, looked petrified, like he couldn’t move. He was still living in the moment when he was listening to The One at Ben’s flat.

And remembering the face John Deacon was wearing.

Roger thought too much, too many times, but he’s right. There’s not turning back.

Chapter Text

Cameron said weeks ago he had an essay from his music class about how music could change a person’s life, and he  thought it’d be a nice excuse to interview Roger, Brian and Freddie – and also make this interview a video for his Youtube channel.

“Cam, you are not using your privilege of knowing a real band to have a big score in your class, and to boost your channel, right?” John raised his eyebrows, already knowing his son’s mind.

“There’s no harm in doing it, John.” Freddie said, confidently winking at Cameron.

“And for that you can be the first to answer the individual questions.” Smiled the boy.

“Wonderful!”

They were at John’s house, and Veronica was making snacks for everybody. Roger watched the woman for some minutes, seeing her moving between the refrigerator and the kitchen balcony. His blue eyes trying to analyze her. He heard someone clearing their throat next to him, and when he turned around he saw Brian looking at him.

“What?” the drummer questioned.

“You’re doing it. Again.” Brian pointed, his voice a tone below his usual. He was serious.

“And?”

“And it’s John’s wife. What the hell?”

Roger seriously couldn’t believe what his friend was suggesting. “Brian, please.”

Brian giggled, amused. “Christ, it’s not about that. You’re trying to figure why she’s special.”

“Fuck off.”

“I’ve made mini-sandwiches and juice, if someone fancy.” Veronica said, putting the food on the table in front of them.

“Thank you, Veronica. You’re so kind.” Brian thanked, and took a snack.

“Roger?”

The drummer silently sighed before he turned around to talk with Veronica.

He didn’t hate her. Yeah, he kinda didn’t try to talk much with her, he just was polite enough when around to ask casual things here and there, specially when she’s helping Debbie with the wedding planning. But Roger didn’t want to be friends with her.

Because she took John away from Queen. And from him.

“I saw a book on your house, and that’s the book we’re reading in my book club.” Started the woman.

“Huh.” Said Roger, drinking his juice to justify his lack of response.

“Yeah. Heartburn, by Nora Ephron. It’s interesting. Who owns the book? I mean, in your house.” 

He realized she really wanted to talk, so he gave up.

“Me. Sometimes Debbie reads it too.”

“Really?” Veronica sounded very surprised. “Sorry, I just...it doesn’t fit with your attitude.”

“What? Reading books?” Roger frowned, bitterly.

“No, the theme. It talks about a woman’s perspective of his husband’s affair. I didn’t imagine you’d like it.” Veronica looked around. John, Brian, Freddie and Cameron were at the living room, talking about the video. “Also...I want to ask you another thing.”

Of course. Roger knew she didn’t want to talk about books. “Okay.”

“You and John seem to be very...close. It’s just a bit odd to me to believe that you’ve never wanted to find John again. I mean, you deposited every month in more than twenty years an amount of money for him.”

Roger stopped a bit to think what he should say to her. Once, many years ago, he had asked  Jim Beach to find John’s address, without saying to the others. With John’s bank account and some money he could find where the former Queen bassist was. And a week later the manager gave an address to the blond.

United States of America. Very far away from him. He didn’t want to be found. He put an ocean between them, so that was more than an obvious answer. So he burned the paper with John’s address down. With time, he forgot about it.

But everytime they made a concert at the country, Roger thought ‘He’s somewhere here’.

“John made it very clear that he didn’t want to see my face again.” The drummer didn’t even flinch with the lie. “But I couldn’t be unfair with him and not let him receive the money he deserved.”

Veronica really didn’t want to talk more about it – because it made John annoyed about it – but she couldn’t stay shut. “Still seems odd. One fight and years of partnership gone.”

“You know John. He’s stubborn, and I’m not the most chill person.” Roger smiled. “I don’t like to talk about it either. We need to bury this and move on.”

Veronica understood and nodded, not saying another word.

But had someone actually moved on?

---

Cameron was almost finishing his interview with Brian, talking more about his solos and how he made them. The man couldn’t be happier to answer him.

“Your son is very articulated, John.” Commented Freddie. “I already saw some of his videos, and they are fun.”

“I like the way he is, so dreamy and not afraid to do anything.” Smiled John. “He’s always asking me to buy things for his videos, like funny hats and outfits. He’s not harming anyone or messing with his school schedule, so why not?”

“Thank you so much, Brian.” Said Cameron, with a big smile. “Dad, can you pause the camera?”

He saw his dad nodding and touching the camera screen. “You’re next, Roger.”

“Coming.” Roger said, clapping excitedly.

John stopped a moment to watch his kid interacting with Roger. They looked fine, and Roger made some joke making Cameron laugh, his eyes closing tightly.

“Something on your mind, Deaky?” asked Brian.

“I just...” John shuffled, his stomach burning with the thought. “I just wanted Luke got along with you like Cam and Joe.”

“Do you think is because of me?” Freddie didn’t seem worried, but genuinely curious.

“Actually I don’t know. He’s a bit away from us.” John didn’t like this; he could remember that Joe loved to taking care with his brothers, even though he was too young to do it anyway. The three were very close when they were younger.

And now Luke couldn’t stay close to his oldest brother without saying something mean.

“Don’t bother, dear.” Freddie caressed John’s arm. “He’s young, he’ll make bad decisions and then someday he’ll come around.”

“I don’t want him to make bad decisions.” John looked worried.

“No parent wants that, my friend,” Brian had some laugh on his voice “but it happens either way.”

“Dad, can you press the play button in five?” asked Cameron. “Are you ready, Roger?”

“I was never a fan of interviews, to be honest...” said the blond man.

“And you said this just now?”

Roger giggled, light. “That’s fine, kid. I can handle. Let’s get an A for you.”

---

Cameron was almost finishing the questions for Roger when Veronica came to the living room to watch. She stopped next to John. “How is it so far?”

“Cam said it must be a ten minutes video tops, so he’ll need to cut a lot of things here.” John answered. He touched his wife’s hair to put it behind her ear and whispered “How about after that we ask the kids to go to Joe’s and try again?”

Veronica looked at him with some reluctance. “Will you stop torturing yourself and try the pill?”

John blinked at her, not believing she was proposing it again, and looked away.

“So Roger, now it’s a fan question.” Spoke Cameron, looking to the man next to him. “I know for a fact that Breakthru was Queen’s first hit, written by you, and it clearly talks about love. But it was written way before you met your wife, so could you tell us to who you wrote that song?”

Veronica saw fear at Roger’s blue eyes, and for two long seconds his eyes found John’s...and then he looked to Brian and Freddie.

She got closer to the camera and paused the recording. “Son, it’s a very private question.”

“That’s fine, Veronica. I already answered this question lots of times before.” John could see how nervous Roger was just because of his eyebrows. They were doing an involuntary up and down movement.

“Okay. Let me unpause this then.”

When his mother unpaused the recording, Cameron asked the question again, and this time Roger did answer it.

“It’s about how I’d feel if I was in love. It’s about all the things I could do to please the person I love, to make them feel loved. It’s about my promises.” Roger showed a kind smile.

John turned around and walked quickly to the bathroom.

---

Cameron asked for a quick break to eat something. He said the material was pretty good and he was confident he’d get a high score with it.

Meanwhile Freddie and Brian were talking to John’s son about his father’s audition and that after he confessed how nervous he was that day, even though he didn’t show much. John said his side of the story, talking about Freddie’s giant eyes over him, how Brian had looked like he was analyzing every move of him, and how Roger didn’t seem so convinced by him.

“But you got in the band, mate!” defended Brian himself.

“But I didn’t know that until you had said it.” Pointed the brunet. “Until then I thought the worst things.”

“In the end you got in and enjoyed it, right, dear?” smiled kindly Freddie.

John gave a smile, but if someone starred a bit longer at his eyes they could see some sadness on the grayish green eyes. Something that never left him.

“Wait, so today marks 26 years of dad’s audition?” Cameron questioned, almost sure.

“Oh God, it is!” exclaimed Veronica. 

John looked to his friends, they were looking as nostalgic as him. So many things had happened after that day they met, and decades later they were united again. Something warm and painful hit his chest, on his heart. 

A pain so close to pleasure that he didn’t mind the feeling.

The moment was cut by the front door getting opened, showing Luke coming back for his band rehearsal with his bass and amp. He looked to everyone, finding a bit odd his house with so many people.

“It’s someone’s birthday?” he asked.

“Just Cam recording a video with Queen.” Answered Veronica. “There’s mini sandwiches in the fridge.”

“Sweet.” 

He was about to put his bass and amp on the floor when Freddie said “John said you’re a bassist just like him. Did he teach you?”

Luke looked at him for some seconds and then he replied “Some things, but most of it I learned by myself.”

“How nice. And that’s the only instrument you how know to play?”

“A bit of guitar, and a bit of drums. But I like the bass more.”

“And I bet you want to be a professional. I know when I see one.”

The boy gave quick glances to his parents. He probably didn’t talk about it to them. “Maybe.”

“So how about you show us your bits? We have a professional band here...”

“A good one.” Added Roger, smirking.

“Yes, so we can give you tips.”

“Really?” Luke’s eyes glowed. John hadn’t seen it for a while.

“Of course. A bass player is very important for a band, but you already know this. Maybe when John gets too tired to play for the album you can play with us. He’s too old, anyways. Also we want to know about your band, of course!”

They laughed, including Luke. 

“Okay, Freddie. Let me just change my clothes and eat something.” The boy nodded and took his things, walking to his bedroom.

Cameron and his parents looked shocked with the interaction, and Freddie smiled coyly.

“See? He’s not totally lost.”

Chapter Text

The men were giving Luke some advice after he’d spent more than 30 minutes playing his bass. 

He looked very proud of himself and John was way more than him. And, despite the behavior he had always shown around, Luke was treating Freddie very well, and John felt relieved; he didn’t want to have another talk with his son right now.

“You should come see my band playing. It will be next month, in a family bar next to dad’s job.” Luke invited, happily.

“Just say the day and we’ll be there.” Brian smiled to the boy.

“Are you sure that they won’t start a fuss there?” John asked to Luke.

“Oh, I want them to make a fuss. And to say that they like us.” Grinned Luke, making the older men laugh.

“Your boy is a visionary, Deaky.” Commented Roger, clapping Luke’s shoulder.

“Luke, Cam, how about we sleep today at Joe’s so we can let your dad and his friends with the house tonight?” suggested Veronica. “After all they’re celebrating a birthday.”

John looked worried to his wife. What was this all about? Yeah, he’d love to spend some time with Freddie, Roger and Brian, but why had she said that? And – the mostly important thing – he didn’t want to celebrate anything. Because he didn’t want to remember he was, one day, a Queen member.

A bit hard to not remember when his three former bandmates were constantly around.

“Are you sure?” asked John, looking directly at Veronica’s eyes.

“I’m sure, John. Have fun.” Veronica kissed him and soon walked to their room, to grab some clothes for her.

John looked to his friends, that looked excited with the idea, specially Freddie. “Uh, a party!”

“Just four old men drinking together in a house isn’t a party, Freddie.” Pointed Brian, amused.

“It’s something that I can say out loud because there’s kids around.” Roger showed a mischievous smile.

“Fuck off.” 

Freddie and Brian witnessed the smile the drummer and ex-bass player shared for few seconds.

Before any of them could comment something about it, Veronica, Cameron and Luke showed at the living room again, ready to go to Joe’s house, and the woman affirmed that she had consulted him already.

“Guys, thank you so much for helping me out with my assignment.” Cameron said, looking to his dad’s friends, that smiled back. “When I edit the video, I’ll send to you.”

“We’re glad that we could help you, dear.” Freddie spoke, proud with himself.

They left the house and John was still smiling, feeling that maybe his life could be indeed good. It was weird – but also true – that he hadn’t felt like that for a while. Not that he was unhappy, but he never got this pique of happiness in a long time.

“Something on your mind, Deaky?” asked Brian.

“I just...” John was with watery eyes. “I always wanted to my sons to like you. Joe loves the band since ever, Cam is getting along just fine, and even Luke is talking with you. I’m...I’m just truly happy.”

Roger felt John’s eyes flickered towards him and then looking away. He could sense the brunet wanted to talk more, to talk why his sons hadn’t met Freddie and Brian way before, but they just restarted to talk with each other again, so he shut it down.

To be fair, the drummer imagined how would it be for Ben, Rory and Tiger to grow up around Joe, Cameron and Luke just like they did with Emily, Jimmy and Louise. First of all, Ben and Joe would be together for several years. But now Roger was divagating about a past that hadn’t happened, so there was no reason to torture himself with it.

“You’re being too emotional, so that means you need to get drunk.” Singed Freddie.

--- 

They decided to buy some whiskey, since Roger said he hated the american whiskey and he needed to buy a scottish one he saw a week ago. The blond was in a car with Brian and John was driving his own, with Freddie as his passenger.

“I must say, John, I’m also very happy that we’re close to your kids.” The Queen main singer said. “I always thought of them as my godchildren.”

“You’re very kind, Freddie.” John smiled quickly to his friend. In another lifetime, Freddie definitely would have be Joe’s godfather.

“Now is way better than receiving photographs of then every month.” Freddie saw John snort with the teasing. “But I think nothing will happen to tear us away again, right?”

Freddie surely wanted an answer, but John just kept his eyes on the traffic, that wasn’t a big at that hour. He knew the younger man well enough to know he was avoiding the question.

“Right, John?” Freddie insisted. Still silence. The man rolled his eyes. “John, Roger is good right now, and he’s trying to be around, to not mess up, so promise me you’ll do the same.”

“And how I could mess up?” John challenged.

“You could break Roger again.”

Gladly they arrived at the store and John just opened the driver door, pulling out. Brian and Roger watched John walking alone to the store, and saw a tired look on Freddie.

“Something happened?” asked Roger

Freddie debated with himself if he should say the truth. The road John and Roger were taking could lead to places they’d regret, and he really wanted to believe he was devastatingly wrong. But normally he was not. Watching Roger’s soft expression – because he was indeed enjoying the four together again – the older man decided to save it for later. 

Today was a day to celebrate.

“No, dear.”

---

At John’s again, they started to drink and talk again, remembering the first album recording, and how John still got a bit defensive next to them, his eyes full of shyness.

“I was just afraid to be kicked out by saying something wrong!” John defended himself, smiling in the end.

“Nonsense! The only thing that Brian loved in the band more than you was that guitar.” Said Freddie, smirking and looking to his friend’s direction.

“Still remains the same, right, Brian?” 

“Fuck off.” Brian drank a bit more.

“Once I dreamed I broke his Red Special, and I called him to apologize.” Mentioned Roger, making the other and himself laugh.

“You’re all jealous because you’ll never be loved that much.” Teased Brian.

It was pleasant to be there, sharing old stories about days from two decades ago; even though it looked so far away in the past, they still could feel the memory so fresh on their minds, and relive the senses of those moments. And the fact that John was there with them, some times that happened when they talked about the band made more special.

The youngest man could feel something heavy rising up on his chest, and to be fair he got a bit used with it since the four started to see each other every day. It was part of the game, feeling a bit sad for not being in fact a member of the band. Yes, he was recording an album with them, but in the end, when Freddie, Roger and Brian traveled around the world for the tour, he’d stay at USA, still being a meaningless employee in the music industry.

So he decided to drink two shots of vodka without breathing.

“Wow, someone wants to get drunk, apparently.” Signed Brian, half amused, half worried.

John smiled, feeling the liquid burning him inside. He sadly looked to the other three men. “It’s just...I like that you are here, I really do...But sometimes the memories hurt.”

The Queen members shared a look, and the guitar player decided to sat closer to John, put his hand softly on the man’s shoulder, comforting him. “Sorry. We’re trying to cheer you up, and we didn’t have idea...”

“No. That’s fine.” John nodded, to reassure his words. “It’s sometimes...I miss music, that’s all.”

“But you work in a music agency, Deaky.” Frowned Roger.

The brunet man always felt a bit odd to avoid talking about this subject with Freddie and Brian. They’d always asked about his work, and he’d always given short and unenthusiastic answers, and moved to the next topic. And there was a reason for it.

“It’s far from the same, Roger.” John’s tone rose up a little. “Imagine having a wall between the backstage and the stage. You can’t cross it.” Something appeared at the men’s faces, and John felt they got it. “You can feel the energy, the excitement, but you can’t be really there to pick it. Because it’s not yours.”

“But I thought you liked your job.” Freddie spoke slowly.

“I like it, but like 30% of the time.” John looked down, feeling so small in that moment.

“For how long you have you been feeling like this?”

John snorted. “Since day one.”

“Then quit, dear.”

“Yeah.” Brian agreed, squeezing John’s shoulder. “No one must feel like this for so long.”

“You know who helped me to get this job, right?” Freddie and Brian nodded, while Roger shook his head. “Ronnie’s dad, to help us raise this family in America. This job means a lot to me because with it I bought this house, paid for my kids’ schools and the bills.”

“But you’re unhappy, John!” exclaimed Roger, more angry than he should be.

John looked to the blond. “I’m used to.” He looked to Freddie with a weird expression on his face, making the man get confused, and glanced back to the drummer. “But  by the way, I want to tell you something.”

Roger’s pressure got up.

“Do you know Spread Your Wings, a song from the second album?” John could see from the corner of his eye Freddie opening his mouth surprised. Roger just nodded. “It’s mine. I wrote that song and sent to Freddie, asking for him to put in the album.”

The song creation was hard for Roger this time. During the tour for the first album he could drink and get numb enough to forget his problems, but now, with the need of putting words in a paper and make new songs, he couldn’t hide away. Maybe the pain could be used, but the blond didn’t want to go there.

It was too fresh yet.

Brian and Freddie arrived at the studio, with excited voices, and Roger heard Brian saying something about the song he did about his dead cat and that could be used in the album. The blond breathed deeply and tried to put a better face. He already had to see everyday during the tour the worry on his bandmates’ faces.

“So, dears, I have a new song.” Announced Freddie. “Of course I accept criticisms, but I can’t change a word.”

“Alright.” Laughed Brian, knowing how much his friend was overprotective with his creations.

Freddie gave the paper to Brian, and Roger shifted closer, to read it too. He could hear Brian murmuring the lyrics, trying to see a harmony on the words, and Roger frowned with every line.

He tried to imagine Freddie writing that, but he couldn’t picture it.

“Mate, that doesn’t seem like your work.” Commented Roger, looking to the oldest man.

“What are you trying to suggest, blondie?” Freddie raised an eyebrow challenging.

“Nothing. I’m just saying that’s different than your lyrics, that’s all.”

Different was a soft word to it. Even though Freddie always tended to write about sadness, he always was a bit melodramatic in his words. This one in front of him was way more raw and overpowering. Roger wanted to cry with this song.

Also Freddie never tried to bring a character on his songs, this seemed more like a thing that could be done by…

No. It’s not possible. He was not there anymore.

“What do you think, my darlings?” asked Freddie, with a expectant smile.

“I can work with it.” Said Brian, looking to Roger.

“Let’s do this.”

Roger blinked to John, without saying anything, probably processing the new revelation. It made so much sense now: normally Freddie loudly let everyone know when he was in a writing process (and when he wasn’t), and in a week he appeared with a whole song written, that was out of his zone.

Sensing that the blond man was still digesting what he just said, John added “That’s why I didn’t get more mad with the Breakthru thing. Because I kept this secret for many years.”

“John showed me the lyrics and I said him to sale it for another band, but he said he wanted for me to sing it.” Freddie spoke again, a bit emotional with the story. “And that’s why I took it. Just like Roger, I said to Miami to redirect the single’s money to John’s account.”

“Seems like Miami knows a lot of our secrets.” Giggled Brian, and the place got less heavy.

“And what does the lyrics mean?” Roger looked to John, way too firmly.

“It means what it means.” John broke the glance.

It means, John thought, that I had to give up of my dreams to come to a foreign land to be away from everything and everyone I loved.

---

The more shots that were taken, the more loose the men were getting. The laughters were easier, the shouts got higher, and Brian tried to dance a weird song that Roger put on his phone. So yeah, they were drunk.

John got along with Brian and started to dance too. Freddie yelled encouraging them to keep dancing, and Roger just stayed still, admiring the brunet moving without a care.

He remembered how John used to dance with everything: during rehearsals, at stage, while he was watching some commercial in the telly, even when he was humming alone to a song. Music vibrated on his bones. It had been more than two months and that was the first time he saw John dancing;  he needed to get a whole bottle of vodka empty to it.

Did he change this much?

“Disco Deaky is alive!” exclaimed Brian, moving around in circles.

“Very alive!” shouted back the man, with a excited smile on his face. A shine, so hard to see these days, glowed on his green eyes.

No, he didn’t change, but his life made him this way.

“Let me show you something.” John said out of nowhere, grabbed Roger’s hand and dragged him to his bedroom direction.

Freddie stopped and watched them disappearing in the hall corner. Before he could walk three steps Brian grabbed his arm, and he looked to his friend.

“Relax. It’s his house.” Brian said, more sober than ever.

“I don’t trust them.” Freddie was clearly worried, and he looked to the spot again. “They were so close to mess everything up.”

In the bedroom, John was looking for something while Roger sat at the bed. He childishly moved, jumping a little afterwards, and then he saw John holding a small and fancy bag.

Smiling, John sat next to Roger and handed the bag to the drummer. “I know your birthday will be next week, but now that you’re here.”

“You didn’t have to.” Roger blushed and unwrapped the gift. He smiled fondly when he saw a necklace with a small dolphin (Roger’s favorite animal) on it. “I can’t believe you remember!”

“It’s hard to forget when you had talked about this everyday, and I –” but John got cut by arms involving him on a hug.

Roger’s grip was strong, gluing their bodies together for two flatting seconds, and they lost the balance, falling down in the mattress. They pulled away and looked to each other, and soon they were hysterically laughing. There was nothing funny about it, but they were finding hard to stop the laughter.

The brunet remembered the morning of this day, the meaning of it for him, and he had thought it couldn’t be good. But he was wrong, because right now his ribs were hurting for laughing so many times.

John turned his face and saw Roger laughing softly, breathing calmer and calmer in each second, and then his blue eyes found his own. A calm silence rested between them, something that in some weeks ago would have been impossible.

They were in a good place. They didn’t want to move from that place...Probably a bit forward, but never more backwards.

“I know that I was a bit of a dick not trying to contact you like I did with Freddie and Brian, but believe me, you were here.” Confessed John, without blinking. “You were invisible, but you were here.”

“An invisible man.” Spitted Roger, somehow finding this amusing. “Hey, but right now I’m not invisible. Because I’m in your room, and in your bed.”

“Don’t get too excited, Rog.”

“Why didn’t you look for another band, John? I bet any rock band would have liked to have you, specially after they knew you’re the Queen former bassist.” Roger got serious in a moment, surprising John with the question.

How many times he’d thought about it. The urgent need of performing for people, even though he was the shy type. The praise after a concert, people recognizing him in the streets, he being one of a kind. He wanted that so badly.

“It wouldn’t have worked for me.” John said. “I mean, I’m glad that you found Neil and he got along with the band and such, but...I would never find someone like Freddie, Brian or you.”

John felt warmer when Roger got an inch closer.

“What we had was unique, and I’d never feel comfortable with other people.”

“If we called, would you come back to Queen?” Roger breathed in one go, scared enough to refrain himself in the middle of the sentence.

“I don’t which answer I fear the most to give you. Both are extremely hurtful to me.”

Roger leaned in slowly, and John closed his eyes. Soft lips touched the brunet’s forehead, and he let it be, enjoying the heat of Roger on him.

The blond thought several seconds, lingering in the contact for as long as he could, and after accepting their fate, Roger pulled away, stronger than ever. It was a now or never situation.

“John, I have to confess, I...”

But he couldn’t confess anything to John, because when he saw the brunet had dozen off, snoring lowly next to him. Roger smiled watching him breathing so peacefully, and caressed his cheek.

His eyes found a small office table at the bedroom, with a notebook and a pen on it. The blond didn’t think it twice before he stood up and walked to the table, sitting in the chair and opening the notebook.

At the top of a blank page he wrote: The Invisible Man by Roger Taylor.

Chapter Text

The warm temperature made John wake up. He had totally forgotten to turn on the air conditioner, and his mouth was dry. The man was still sleepy, but he needed a big glass of water right now.

He blinked a couple of times and saw someone sleeping next to him, and it took some moments to remember that his wife had slept at Joe’s house. Opening his eyes widely to see better, John realized that the person had blond short hair.

“Fuck!” yelled John, jumping up.

His shout made Roger wake up, squeezing his eyes a bit before lazily open up, confused. “What the hell, Deaky?”

“What are you doing in my bed?”

“Jesus, I just got tired and slept.” Roger yawned, and looked at the other man. John seemed worried with something, and Roger added “You dozed off suddenly and so did I. That was it.”

John still remained incredulous. “That was it?”

“Yes. Why? What more did you think it could happen?”

The brunet man kept silence, thinking if it was a good idea answering the Queen drummer, so instead he said “I need some water.” and got up, going to the bedroom door.

Outside the room, he could smell food getting made, and he saw it was still 9 a.m. Getting in the kitchen, John saw Brian and Freddie chatting lightly while the curly-haired man cooked some eggs. 

Freddie turned around and saw him, smiling after. “Hi, dear. I hope you don’t mind that we messed your kitchen up a bit. It was getting late and we’re starving.”

“Of course I don’t mind.” John carelessly waved. “By the way, did you say to Anita and Jim that you’d sleep here?”

“Of course, John. What do you think we are, animals?” joked Brian, putting the eggs and some toasts in a plate and handing to Freddie.

“So, John...” Freddie paused to take a bite of his breakfast. “How was your night? Did you get a nice sleep?”

John snorted with his friend trying to be subtle – the singer probably knew he was the opposite of it – and he noticed Brian paying attention to their conversation, so he replied “You two don’t need to worry. Nothing did happen, and nothing will.”

“You know we are just concerned for you and Roger, right?” Brian inquired, sitting next to Freddie, a plate in hands.

“No need to.”

“Are you sure?” Freddie asked.

Too many unwanted questions being made to John so early in the morning.

“Morning.” They got surprised when they heard Roger’s voice.

John moved, going to get the water he needed.

---

After the Queen members got out of the house, John went to Joe’s house, and found his family watching a movie. They greeted him and the man sat close to Veronica, wrapping his arm on her shoulder, the woman resting on his chest. Something so usual to them, but right now John didn’t feel it was right.

“They are gone?” asked Veronica in a low tone.

“Just now. Cleaned all the mess.” Replied the brunet. “Thank you for give us space tonight.”

“Of course.”

John looked at his sons, so focused on the movie, and whispered at his wife’s ear “Let’s go home.”

“But you just...” and she saw a different shine on the grayish green eyes. “Oh. Alright.” She smiled. “Joe, can the boys stay here this morning? Your dad and I need to clean the house after last night’s little party.”

The three boys made disgusted faces. Of course they knew they were lying. “We don’t need to know about this, mom!”

Both parents blushed and walked to the door in awkward silence.

John didn’t know why he needed to do this right now. He missed sex so much, but maybe the feeling of something heavy on his chest, that he’d been feeling since he woke up next to a blond man instead of his wife...it changed something.

Veronica only had the time to close their house’s front door before John pushed her against the door and kissed her. She got surprised, but pleasantly, with the action, and soon she held on John’s shoulders, gluing their mouths and deepening the kiss. Her skirt gave John a better access to her arse, his hands grabbing and squeezing it.

She moaned against John’s lips, showing how aroused she was getting. When their hips touched, Veronica’s mind lighten up, and she broke the kiss. “John...” Veronica breathed, a bit dizzy. “Are you sure you shouldn’t take a...?” she preferred not to say the name. “I know you don’t want to, but...”

“Let me try just one more time. If I can’t make it, we’ll try with your way.” John sounded firm, almost serious.

Veronica nodded, and leaned again, kissing John. It was immature, snogging like teens against a door, but it felt so good. She grabbed John’s hair, loving how John was taking her in a greedy way; normally he was gentle, but today he wanted her so badly.

John tried to reach every part of his wife’s body, to turn himself on. He needed that win, he needed to show he was able to be hard without something else. Veronica had always had an amazing body, beautiful legs, delicious breasts, juicy arse and pussy. Then why wasn’t his cock showing interest? He couldn’t believe it was because his age, he was still strong enough…

And then flashes got back of his mind...Moments of his life way too good for him to forget, a voice moaning his name, so needy...Someone crying out for more...Fuck, John, more!

John pulled away just to look at Veronica’s face, mesmerizing her traces, every piece of that face. And he kissed her one more time, with new desire, putting himself into, or really trying to. 

And than that voice was again on his mind, louder than before.

“John, keep going.” Veronica begged, between a kiss and another, and she lifted her leg, and started to brushed against John.

Then he realized that, after weeks trying, he was hard. Fully hard.

“Christ!” Veronica gasped when she felt her husband’s erection against her. “Let’s go to the bed.”

The bed that less than two hours ago someone else was on.

John didn’t want to elaborate much the thought. He wanted to have sex with Veronica. Even though she wasn’t the one that had made him hard now.

Chapter Text

Today they decided to have a sun bath at Debbie’s house. Veronica actually found it very amusing realizing how much time it had been since she did  a sun bath, and shared with the group.

“America screwed your british self, dear.” Teased Anita, putting her sunglasses and sitting on her chair.

“Well, I don’t like to sunbathe alone, so I can count with that.” Pointed Veronica, smiling.

It was almost sad that she’d already bonded with Debbie, Anita and Jim. Not that they were horrible people, no, but because she never allowed too much people to be emotionally close to her. Being british and having an introspective self made the woman only having John as confidant, but now she realized she could have more people around. It was a struggle going out of her comfort zone but it showed up to be really satisfactory.

After all, with all the ideas she and Debbie were having for their sons’ wedding, talking too much with each other was a must.

“People here always look like you’re crazy if you sunbath.” Commented Veronica. “Once I invited my neighbour and she laughed. In my face.”

“How rude.” Jim said, putting a cap to protect his face. “That’s why I love Europe. People there look for their own business.”

“Yes, sir.” Nodded Debbie.

“You don’t miss living there, Ronnie?” asked Anita, looking to her.

Veronica missed it like crazy. After having three kids, she never had the chance to go there, because it was too pricey to travel with her sons and husband. John always said that he was saving some money to make a trip at Cameron’s 16th birthday. A family trip at Europe would be the best for the woman.

It was crazy that, even after living there for 22 years, Veronica never felt at home in that country. John called her to begin a new life in another continent, and at first she thought it was crazy to cross an ocean, but either way she accepted. Now her kids were more than used living there, and Joe felt very american.

So maybe she only would go back to England after all her kids got married.

“I don’t know.” Veronica replied, a bit uncertain.
“Freddie would never leave England.” Jim meddled. “Probably because he can’t use his fancy coats here.”

“Roger loves England too much. He probably will die if this marriage doesn’t come soon and he has to stay here until the end of the year.” Added Debbie.

“I got shocked when he rented this house, to be honest.” Jim commented.

“He said that after the wedding he’ll stay away from here for at least five years.”

“So dramatic.”

“Can I ask you something?” Veronica could hear her voice shaking. 

Three heads turned around to look at her. Some part of her didn’t want to ask them about anything, but their husbands were around John’s age, so they could help her to understand.

“But no one can know about this conversation.” The woman felt a bit childish saying this, but she was scared. It was a very private issue.

“Of course, darling.” Anita assured her.

“Well...” Veronica blushed, of course, taking a deep breath, she questioned. “Have one of your husbands already had problems having an erection?” now she was fully red.

Thankfully none of the other three seemed awkward with the topic. But after a moment Jim giggled.

“Well...That’s one of the perks of being in a gay relationship...Two penises.” He gave a shameless smirk, and Anita snapped his arm.

“I hate you.” Anita spoke, and she looked to the brunette. “Is this happening to John?”

That was what she didn’t want to deal with; of course it was about John, and she hadn’t  known them for that long. In another time she’d have shut it down and would have tried to figure it out by herself, but right now –  her marriage was going, with more ups and downs it ever had – she couldn’t do it alone. And who else she’d ask for advice? Joe?

“Yes.” Veronica bit her own lip, anxious. “I know it’s something about his age...”

“Of course, darling!” agreed Anita. “In the beginning, Brian and I were on fire. One touch and he was ready to business, and now he need some moments.”

That was the other part Veronica was afraid of: having to hear very private moments between the Queen couples.

“Oh, I remember that Freddie refused to take any energetic to help him.” Confessed Jim, scratching himself over the chair. “Which is fine, that means more foreplay time.”

They giggled with it and Anita, Jim and Veronica looked to Debbie, who was typing something on her phone. The blond woman felt the gazes on her, probably waiting her to share a story of her and Roger.

“Well, Roger and I never had problem with sex.” Debbie smirked, proud.

Anita and Jim laughed, confidently. Veronica felt a bit left out for some moments, but she couldn’t ask them to be more open than they already were with her – they had accepted her without thinking it twice, and they were now as close as they could be in such a short time.

She couldn’t repress the thought that, if John hadn’t hid all this time about his period with Queen, she could have been friends with Debbie, Anita and Jim for several years, and the woman could be laughing with that inside joke too. But, as she was discovering in the last weeks, John had done a lot of things behind her back, omitting huge parts of his own story.

Something that he shouldn’t do with his long-time partner.

No, Veronica, she thought, you promised to move on. So move on.

“I was just worried because we did it last week, but...It has been a while, and we were trying.” Veronica decided to spill everything in the end.

“Before that, when was  the last time?” questioned Jim.

“Well...” Veronica stopped a bit to think. “It was days before that barbecue we did here, before Anita and Jim arrived.”

Aware of the events during that day, Anita and Jim shared a look. A worried one, which didn’t pass unnoted by Veronica.

“What?” asked the brunette.

“Don’t mind them, Ronnie.” Debbie spoke loudly, to get their attention. “Maybe he was passing for some stress at work. It happens, and now he’s back in the game, so don’t let this fire turn off.”

Veronica smiled at her, nodding slightly, and out her sunglasses, resting on her chair.

Debbie scrolled the contact list, and found Roger’s name. She wondered if she should text him about it. Asking him to back off, or even to go back to England for a couple of weeks. It would help and not blow Veronica and John’s family.

Unfortunately, she just locked her phone and decided to enjoy the sun.

---

Roger was with Rory and Tiger, they had said they needed an adult to pick Cameron so they could spend the afternoon at the amusement park. 

“I’m quite surprised that you made all your homework so fast.” Commented Roger, when they left their house street.

“Cam said the best shift in the park was at the afternoon, because they gave you more tickets to play.” Said Tiger. “Besides, Luke will stay more today at school, because of the american football practice.”

“Alright. And how dare americans call that game ‘football’, when the real football is ours.” Claimed Roger, amused.

Soon the three blondes were at the school, before they left the car Roger put a cap and sunglasses. The girls were giggling with his action. “What?” the blond man asked.

“Well, dad...We know you’re famous, but people here don’t make a fuss when they see someone famous.” Explained Rory, her sister nodding.

“I just don’t want high school girls throwing themselves at me and asking to marry me.”

“Ew, dad!”

They gave their identification at the administration and Rory sent a message to Cameron to meet them in the hall.

Five minutes later the boy showed up, and even though he was smiling Roger noticed that he was not at his usual self. He didn’t look happy.

“Something happened, Cameron?” asked Roger, concerned for the boy.

“It’s nothing.” Cameron’s cheeks burned, and when he saw Roger wouldn’t give up easily, he shared a quick look with Rory and Tiger, he sighed. “Just some stupid classmates saying homophobic things to me. I’m used to.”

“Hey, that’s something you shouldn’t be used to!” Roger exclaimed. Cameron just shrugged. 

“You never reported this to a teacher or the school concilier?” 

“It doesn’t matter. They won’t change.” Cameron held tighter his bag straps. “Let’s go.”

“Cameron.” The boy looked to the blond man’s direction. “I hope this doesn’t make you shut yourself down. You should be comfortable to show yourself anywhere, including here. Don’t let stupid people with small minds dictate who you are.” And Roger touched Cameron’s shoulder, giving him a warm smile.

Rory and Tiger smiled to each other. Roger accepted Ben and Tiger when they came out right away and always was proud to be their father, supporting them and going to LGBT+ parades.

Ben used to joke that his father was the ‘only cishet white man possible’.

“I know, Mr Taylor. Thank you.” Cameron felt touched with the Queen drummer’s speech.

“I’m here for you, mate.” Nodded Roger. “But right now I really need to go to the bathroom.”

Cameron Indicated the directions and Roger walked to the hall, disappearing soon.

Rory and Tiger now crossed their arms, looking to their friend with an accusatory glance.

“What now?” questioned the boy, intrigued.

“They were Luke’s friends, right? The ones who made the joke?” asked Tiger, her voice full of anger. Cameron already said to them how he had been bullied by some boys that used to hang out with his own brother.

“No.” Cameron’s tone gave him away immediately, and when Rory raised her eyebrow, the boy snorted, bitten. “Ok, yes. But, please, don’t tell your father.”

“Why not? He’d beat their arses with no time!” Rory exclaimed.

“And also he will tell my dad, and then my relationship with Luke will be ruined again. I’m almost sure he didn’t know about his friends’ behavior towards me, and we’re getting along nicely now.”

“And at what cost?”

Roger showed up at the corner again, looking more light, and Cameron looked to the two girls with something close to fear.

“Please, promise me.” Cameron begged.

They didn’t look thrilled, but Tiger groaned and said “Fine.” and she smiled when her father stopped next to them.

“Ready for an afternoon of fun?” Roger smiled, and the three teens nodded.

Chapter Text

Ben was starting to get worried about his fiancee. Joe had texted him yesterday that he was getting to the set of his new movie. It was still in the beginning of the shooting, and the ginger man was pretty excited, and the blond was helping him to rehearse the script. Joe knew that his last movie was a success but to survive in this business he needed to have more hits.

And then Joe never texted him again. It had been more than 24 hours. The british actor knew Joe’s process: sometimes he would spend hours in silence, trying to concentrate and to get in the character, but he always told him he was studying, and texted him after. However, now Joe wasn’t texting him at all.

They hadn’t had any fight or even a small disagreement at those days, which made everything weirder. Ben really wanted to give him space, but something on his guts was telling him to go see his lover.

He thought to not get right away there, so he’d stop first at Joe’s parents’ house. It was almost night when he knocked their front door, being answered quickly by John. 

“Hi, Ben.” John politely smiled. “Come on in.”

“Sorry for being here without asking” Ben showed an apologetic look, stepping in. “but Joe is here? I called him and I didn’t get any answer.”

John frowned, blinking with suspect. “Well, he texted me to meet him tonight. Something about buying Roger a gift for his upcoming birthday, but...” John took his phone and clicked at his messages. “Yeah, he never said anything else.”

Now Ben’s heart got more tight. Something was really wrong.

“Did you check his house?” John asked while he texted his son.

“His car is in front on the house, but I thought of checking here first.” The actor replied.

“Let’s go there.”

John and Ben walked to Joe’s place quicker than they had to. The oldest man was worried now; his son used to text him all the time, John teasing him sometimes he was too affectionate, but to be fair he liked that his son was like that.

Now at Joe’s front door, Ben seemed a bit afraid. One day without talking could sound nothing to some people, but not for him. Since they had started dating that was the first time Joe spent a day out of radar, so something was off.

John knocked his son’s door, waiting some moments to knock it again. Nothing.

“Joe, babe, please open the door.” Ben begged, his voice trembling because he couldn’t help to feel anxious.

“Joseph, open this door.” John sounded more demanding, even though he was also nervous.

After the fifth knock they heard someone getting close to the door the opening it.

When John and Ben looked to Joe they understood why they’re worried. The ginger man was wearing the same clothes as yesterday and his eyes were red from crying. And when Joe’s eyes landed at his fiancee, his lips trembled again and started crying again, jumping on the blond’s arms.

The other two men looked to each other, worried and intrigued with the scene, but Ben hugged the actor either way. “I got you, love.”

They got inside the house and closed the door, walking to the couch. John ran to the kitchen to get some water for his son. When he got back he saw Joe nesting at Ben’s chest. The british actor looked helplessly to his future father-in-law, who sat in the other couch spot. 

Ben caressed Joe’s hair, humming to calm him down, and the ginger was stopping his crying slowly.
John handed the glass of water to his son and he drank it in one go. Seemed he didn’t do anything but cry God knows for how long.

“Joe, what happened?” asked John, looking to his son.

Joe cleansed his face, sniffing. “I’m so fucking embarrassed.”

“Babe, you need to tell us so we can help you.” Ben grabbed his hand, John reassuring with a strong nod.
Joe loved the shooting day. Somehow he felt it’d be a good project. The movie cast was very good, and the script was one of the best he had read in awhile.

The actor was taking his phone out of the pocket to text Ben about his day when the director called him to talk about a scene they should make tomorrow.

They were chatting with enthusiasm about that day while they walked to the director room. Joe didn’t want to look too forward, but he had some things to say to the director. He always liked the movie making, and maybe someday he’d be down for being a director too; he’s a big Spielberg fan.

The first thing he could notice was when the man locked the door. Joe was hyped with their talk to care.

“So, I was thinking about –” Joe cut when the man grabbed by his shirt and pulling him into a kiss.

Joe lingered some seconds to realized that his director – who he’s assumed was straight – was kissing him in the mouth, and then he put his hands on his chest and pulled him away strongly.

“What the hell?” Joe passed his hand over his lips, disgusted.

“Come on, Joe, I know you want this.” The man said, in a tone he’d judge as a sexy one.

“I don’t! I’m engaged and you know that.” Joe was shocked. He respected the director until now.

“Yup, I heard about that. You and Ben Hardy. That’s a very wet dream of mine.”

“Ugh, you’re disgusting!” Joe tried to walk to the door, but the man was blocking him.

“Come on, man. Just a quick.” And he put his hand on Joe’s crotch, squeezing firmly the actor’s covered cock.

He petrified. Joe never imagined he would pass through this, and all he wanted was to yell, but he couldn’t find his own voice.

“I chose you because I wanted to get a piece of you. I have a thing for gingers” The man smirked, satisfied with himself. Joe started to hyperventilating. “Relax. This will stay between us.” and he leaned again.

When he felt the director's lips on his again, Joe found his strength again and snapped his hand, making him take it away. With those few seconds of distraction Joe ran to the door and unlocked it. 

Joe was closing the door again and he heard “Hey. I meant it when I said this will stay between us.” Now the man’s tone was threatening. “Say a word about it and I will destroy your so-young career.”

“I will kill this man!” yelled John, standing up from the couch.

“No, dad!” Joe was crying again, and grabbed his father’s arm, making him stop. “I can’t prove anything against him. We were alone.”

“But it’s not fair! He assaulted you!” John was out of his mind. And then he sat again and cupped his son’s face. “He harmed my boy.”

Joe left Ben’s embrace to hug his father, and he cried more.

He knew the industry had its dark side, with cases of alcoholism and illegal drugs till rape and abuse, but he never imagined he’d deal with something like that. And now he felt so naked, so...unprotected.

Ben and John didn’t know what to say, how to make Joe feel better. They wanted to make that sadness leave Joe, but he knew they didn’t have that power. As two persons that deeply love the ginger actor, they just wanted to take care of him.

Right now, it looked they had failed.

--- 

Roger knocked the door while he was holding a big ice cream cake that Ben told it was Joe’s favorite. In the second knock his future son-in-law answered.

The blond man smiled at him, and in the same moment he understood. “Ben told you.” Joe stated, and he groaned, mad. “I told him to not say to anyone.”

“Hey, kid, don’t be angry with him.” Roger got into the house without Joe inviting him. “I realized something happened when I video chatted him and he seems sad. How about we talk a bit over two pieces of this beauty?”

Joe looked at him and then to the cake. So he closed the front door.

Roger noticed Joe looked thinner and paler. In fact Joe hadn’t been eating well for the last three days, only feeding himself when Ben made him to. The blond and his father were taking turns to be with him, which at first seemed annoying but deep down Joe was grateful for. Ben wasn’t there right now because he went to his flat to get some clean clothes.

Until now Joe thought the situation was only between he, Ben and his dad. He begged to not tell to his mother, and he even pretended he was with flu and asked Veronica to not visit him the next few days (a way to not fall in front of his mother). But it seemed his fiancee had to share with his father.

Just great.

Joe took two pieces of the cake and gave one to the Queen drummer. They ate most of it in silence, Joe trying to not bring the subject up. The less he talk about it the better.

“Joe, I like you because you’re Ben’s fiance and John’s son, but specially because I feel I can trust you.” That caught the ginger man’s attention, and he looked up. “So I’m going to tell you something that I never revealed to anyone, not even to my family, or to Freddie and Brian.”

“Okay.” Joe was curious now.

“So...When we got back to the studio for the second album, there was a new CEO, and he said he really liked our music and such, and then he started to stick around in the studio, watch the album recording and all.” Roger poked the cake distractingly with the spoon. “I knew something was odd, but I let it slide. It’s business.”

“Then he was talking with me, Freddie and Brian, trying to be friends. We liked, because according Brian we could make some demands and maybe he’d accept more easily. I thought it was too nice to be true.”

Roger snorted and then Joe noted how the story would end.

“One night I lingered at the studio for some stupid reason I don’t remember now, but anyway. He approached and started to cheap talk with me. Next thing I know he was with his hand on my thigh and asked me how much it’d cost for me to stay one night with him.” Roger finished, exhaling.

“So you understand me.” Joe pointed, seeing on Roger’s eyes what he was feeling now.

“But, unlike you, who were at least more polite, I kicked him in the balls.” Roger took a bite of the cake to his mouth.

Joe, without mean meaning, laughed. Maybe hearing that someone else did something made him feel a bit less sorry for himself.

“He deserved it.” Joe commented simply.

“Indeed, just like the man who assaulted you. Anyway, he never appeared at the studio again.” Roger said, clapping his hands. Seeing Joe’s eyes falling to his plate again, the blond said “At that time, twenty years ago, that’s what I could do, but the times are different now. You can accuse him formally.”

“I can’t. And it wouldn’t make any difference.” Joe sighed, tired.

Roger put his chair closer, feeling that Joe needed this. Someone who could make him do the right thing.

“It would, Joe. I bet you’re not the first one who he did this, and when you give the first step, other victims will appear.” Roger said, with an encouraging tone. “As you, they deserve to be heard.”

Joe bit his own lip. He knew that, but he was too afraid.

“But this will affect my career.” Joe commented.

“Probably, but it’ll also show how brave you are to step up for your own rights.”

A more sincere smile rose at Joe’s lips, and Roger felt he did something good there.

“I couldn’t ask for a better father-in-law.” Joe put it as a thank you.

“I’m glad you think that.” Roger blushed with the complement.

Chapter Text

The Queen drummer said this year he only wanted a cake, specially because of Joe (this part he didn’t say out loud), and of course Freddie ignored his friend’s asking and organized a big party, with a lot of food and drinks.

“Thanks for being so thoughtful about my desires when you’re a guest in my own house.” Roger smiled sarcastically.

“You can try to be passive-aggressive with me all you want, blondie, I don’t care.” Freddie winked and took a sip of his drink.

“Joe and his family are coming already? I’m hungry.” Rory cried.

Roger and Ben shared a look. Some days ago Joe was counting for this event – because he bought an amazing gift to the oldest man – but now he only got out of the house so his mother didn’t found it suspicious.

He didn’t want to alarm her until the bomb came. And by bomb it meant the sexual assault accusation he had done at Police some days ago.

“They will come soon.” And when Brian shut his mouth the bell was heard. 

The birthday man answered the door. And he smiled when he saw the Deacons, each one hugging him before step inside the door. Joe lingered his hug a bit more, trying to out all his gratitude at that display of affection.

“Happy birthday, Rog.” Said Joe when he pulled away.

“I’m glad you’re here.” The man didn’t say much because Veronica was behind them.

Veronica gave a quick hug and commented “I’m sorry my hands are empty, but my husband said he gave the gift without me.”

“Yeah, he did.” Roger pulled out the necklace he’s wearing. A delicate golden dolphin was hanging there. “Thank you, Veronica.”

“Don’t thank me. John said you’d like, even though I had my doubts, which shows I was clearly wrong.” She pointed to the necklace, politely smiling. “He said you liked dolphins so much.”

“They are fascinating animals. Smart, very easygoing and –”

“ – ‘and as cute as me’. He always said that.” John completed, stopping next to his wife.

“And I kept standing by that.” Roger smirked, proud.

John hated how Roger was aging so fine. The blond man was the personification of everything a rockstar wanted to be, with his perfect bone structure and sassy attitude, and he pulled it off easily. 

Veronica looked to them frowning, feeling odd seeing they sharing a too-long glance.

“Let’s get inside, honey?” asked Veronica.

“Yeah, folks, let’s start the party.” Roger said, with too much enthusiasm.

---

The group was having dinner – which in the end Roger had to agree  was great, making Freddie proudly say “You welcome, you old owl” – and the drummer was sensing the cake part was getting closer. So, before that, he needed to say some words.

He stood up and cleared his throat, getting everyone’s attention. “Well, I don’t like to talk much during birthdays because I get emotional, and I don’t look nice crying.” The guests and his family laughed. “But I think this year I have to. This year I’m thankful to be here, with all of you, and to be fair I’ve never been happier.” Roger’s blue eyes started to dangerously shine. “And this just happened because of these two.”

Roger pointed to his son and Joe. The two men smiled to each other and then to the drummer.

“This could be a disaster. We almost made a disaster, trying to tear you apart.” Roger laughed, almost crying. “But you two showed that love is strong, and can pass any barriers.”

Something at Brian’s head alarmed him, so he giggled and comment “Getting old gets you emotional, Roger.”

Sensing the same, Freddie added “You better not drink more, blondie.” And made some of them laugh too.

Anita could feel John holding his breath next to her.

“I know that sometimes having a big family, specially ours, with three uncles and one aunt as extra” Roger joked, signing to his bandmates and their partners “can be too much, and that’s why I made something.”

Roger took something from his pocket and handed to the grooms. Ben and Joe opened their mouths, shocked.

“A trip to Europe?” Joe thought he was dreaming.

“Just to take a break.” Roger said, almost coyly.

The two actors looked at him with acknowledgement. They knew it wasn’t about the wedding or about the families issues. It’s a way to take Joe out of there so he could breath.

“Rog, love, as much as I think they can travel anytime they want” Debbie spoke. “they shouldn’t be away just now. There’s tons of things to choose and to...”

“Debbie, it’s just for a week. Soon they will be back again.” Roger sounded too careless.

Debbie looked to Veronica, who clearly was thinking the same.

“Thank you, dad. You’re the best.” Ben turned around the table and hugged his father.

“You are the best, Rog. That’s very thoughtful.” Joe smiled, almost crying.

“Please, don’t boost his ego this much, or we won’t handle it.” Jim begged, making everyone laugh.

Freddie, who had escaped for two minutes of the dinner table without anyone noticing, was now holding a cake, singing Happy Birthday to his best friend. Everyone sang too, Rory shifting to his father and hugging him too, Roger welcoming her with a kiss on her hair.

John felt some pressure over his belly and legs watching Roger so bright, and the pressures found each other when he saw Roger blowing the candles.

Fuck, he couldn’t be h...No, not here, not right now.

“So, dad, what did you wish for?” asked Rory, curious.
Roger turned his eyes until he found scared green ones. “Sometimes it’s better not wish for anything, honey. Some dreams are too dangerous if they come true.”

Veronica thought how unusual was for John to hold her tight just in that moment.

---

She lied.

Veronica said she had with a big headache and needed to rest, John going with her. Ben assured them he would let Cameron and Luke at home after.

She had never liked to lie, but right now the woman wanted to.

And right now, with her tights around John’s waist while she kissed hungrily his lips, she didn’t mind.

Veronica had needs.

Her head got blank for few seconds when she felt John on her. She gasped with the pleasure. Twenty-two years together and still felt so good everytime he took her.

She was chasing John’s eyes, but he didn’t open them. Her husband always liked eye-contact, and right now he wasn’t making any.

John, right now, was focusing in a high pitched voice saying harder, fuck me harder. So there was no need to look at Veronica, or else he could lose his pace.

When Veronica came, it was a new sensation. Her whole body was satisfied, but her mind wasn’t.

Something was missing.

John giggled, his body so relaxed right now. And he saw Veronica walking to the bathroom, and just by her walk he could see something was wrong.

Missing and wrong.

Veronica was in the half of her bath when John wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her wet back. Maybe thinking about a second round. But now she was tired.

She turned around, breathing heavily, and John looked at her, waiting for her words.

“Do you still love me, John?” asked Veronica.

John blinked, surprised. “Where is this coming from?”

“It’s a very common question.”

“Which you have never asked me.”

Veronica took another deep breath. “Just answer me, John. Do you still love me?”

John felt trapped. Somehow he heard Roger yelling at him, months ago. You’re not gonna leave again!

He just kissed his wife, slowly and with passion. It was not an answer, but she let herself get deluded by it.

Chapter Text

Before Joe could go to his trip, he needed to do something, so, after taking his breakfast, he went to his parents’ house, and found them still having breakfast. 

“Where are Cam and Luke?” asked Joe. The really didn’t want to talk about that in front of his brothers.

“I just drove them to school.” Replied Veronica.

“Everything is okay, dear? Lately you seem a bit...different.”

Damn right he was.

Joe sat next to Veronica and John, something on the ginger’s eyes made the oldest man realize what he was about to do.

“I have something to tell you, mom.” Joe closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. It was harder than he imagined.

“You don’t have to do this, Joe.” John whispered, confidently.

Veronica didn’t like that tone in her husband.

“But I have to.” Joe said, more firmly. “Mom, something happened.” Joe looked at her, and Veronica just nodded, even though she didn’t know what it was. “I’ve...I’ve got assaulted by my director.”

The woman got shocked in the next seconds, covering her mouth with her hand. The other one slowly landed at Joe’s wrist, gripping it with strength.

“I said first to dad and Ben, and then I pressed charges against him. The story will leak next week.” Joe spoke very fast, a mix of wanting to finish the story soon and to make his guilt for not telling his mother sooner disappear.

Veronica got up and walked to his son, and wrapped him on a hug. Joe felt secure around her arms, and let her caress his red hair and accept the kisses on his head.

“Joseph, I’m so sorry.” Veronica sounded emotional, and Joe thought it’d be best not to see his mom crying or he’d cry too. “I’d rather go through this myself than any of my kids.”

“Mom, don’t say this. Anyway” Joe felt better and looked up, with a weak smile. “I’m not in that production anymore, and this trip came in just a perfect time. I bet the reporters would hunt me down if I was here.”

Veronica kissed his forehead with caring. “But, Joe, are you sure this trip is good for you? That’s okay if you want skip that.” And then she remember a fact Joe told her. “John, you knew this?”

“Yeah, Ronnie, but Joe asked to not tell you.” John felt a bit guilt for not say anything for her.

“And no, mom. I want to go.” Joe assured. “Mr Taylor is being so good to me. By the way he actually helped to be brave enough to formally accuse him.”

“What?”

At this moment John knew they two were screwed. Veronica’s lips were just a tiny line, pressed one on the another.

“Roger knew about my story and he convinced me to not be silent about it.” Joe seemed so proud of himself that he didn’t even realize the way his mother was looking at him.

Veronica felt so small, with zero value. Just like she had felt in the last few months. She wasn’t worthed anything to her family anymore.

“So Roger Taylor knew about this but not me?” Veronica was trembling, and at this point she didn’t know if it’s out of anger or sadness.

Joe noticed he messed up. “Mom, it’s not like that. I didn’t tell...”

“Your father-in-law knew that all along but I, the person that gave you birth, didn’t.”

“Veronica, calm down.” Asked John, a bit alarmed. He knew all the levels of upsetness of his wife, and this one was very rare. 

And that’s why he was so scared to see its range.

“I can understand to tell to your father, and even to your fiance, but Roger?” Veronica made a disgusting face, and started to massage her temples.

“Joe didn’t tell him, Ronnie. He figured...” John tried to help, but he got cut.

“For how long were you all fooling me? I bet even Rory and Tiger knew this already. I got played, again.”

“Mom!” Joe exclaimed, really badly surprised of what this turned into.

“I need to lay down a bit. Please, don’t follow me.” Veronica walked to her bedroom, and they’re too astonished to actually follow her.

Joe and John exchanged a look, one more intrigued than the other.

“What the hell just happened?” Joe asked.

---

Veronica didn’t left the room until midday. John thought it’d be best not to disturb her, so he made lunch, and in the middle of the cooking he received a call from Brian.

“Hey, mate.” The Queen guitar player sounded excited. “Do you think you can come over today? Freddie wrote a very nice song and we need you to approve it.”

“Approve what?” John was playing dumb, because the roar inside his chest was too good but it must be ignored.

“Approve the song, of course. Bands still do this, you know?”

John smiled alone, feeling glad that no one was around to see him looking like a teen being asked to go to the prom. “I’d love to, but I can’t. Family issues.”

He wanted to talk with someone so bad about it, probably with his friends. Freddie and Brian would know how to fix it. Roger probably would just be there for moral support.

“Sorry to hear it. Do you think it’d be fixed soon?” Brian asked, curious.

“I don’t know. But ask Freddie to send me the lyrics and sing it to me. That’s why tech is for.”

“Tell this to that old tree.” Giggled Brian, making John do the same.

His youngest sons came home after lunch, Luke talking how awesome his practice was today. Cameron, on the other hand, seemed unhappy with something.

“Looks your day at school wasn’t as good as Luke’s.” John spoke lightly, and the boy just shrugged. “Something happened, kid?”

Cameron looked at his father in silence for too long, but in the end he decided to not talk about how some boys filled his bag with garbage. “Just bored, dad.”

“Okay, then.” John didn’t buy it, but he decided to not push it.

“Where’s mom?”

“She argued with Joe and she’s a bit mad today.”

“Why?”

John didn’t know what Joe thought about telling his brothers about everything. So he escaped through the easiest way.

“I don’t know.” Lied John. And with that he saw Cameron sighed loudly, which was unusual coming from him. “What, Cam?”

Cameron spoke, a bit tired “It’s just...We’re arguing a lot at these times. It sucks.”

John couldn’t agree more. And he knew it was his fault.

---

In the beginning of the night Joe heard the bell on his house. He imagined it was Ben. They weren’t sleeping apart at ages, and the blond said he was already coming at his place (a little too fast, it seemed like).

But it was Veronica. Joe blinked, surprised; his mother didn’t use to go there at this time. But her face showed a big amount of guilt.

“Can we talk?” Veronica asked, too polite even at her own standards.

“You don’t need to ask me that, mom.” Joe smiled, and let her in.

They walked to his bedroom, since Joe was already packing, – the trip was in two days and he was a bit nervous, so he decided to pack earlier –  Veronica sat at the bed.

She cried, a lot. Because of what happened with Joe, because what Joe and John did and because of what she said and did with Joe. At the end of the day she felt herself as a terrible mother. So, even though her mother instincts said to her to stay with Joe to talk with her, the woman gave the first step. 

At this job there was no need to be proud. Even though sometimes she was.

“Joe, I acted poorly earlier.” Veronica looked at him, devastated. “What kind of mother would lay down and rest when her son just told her about being assaulted?”

The actor sat next to her and hugged her shoulders, kindly. “Mom, that’s okay. You got upset with the whole thing. People say things when they’re upset.”

“No, dear, don’t find excuses for what I did. I was selfish, and I’m extremely sorry for it.” 

“I forgive you, mom.” Joe leaned and kissed her cheek, Veronica smiling with the gesture. A tear or two rolled at her face.

The woman touched Joe’s face, admiring him. “Remember when you came out to me when you were nine?” Joe giggled quickly, nodding after. “You said you wanted to give a flower to your classmate, but you were too afraid, and I helped you to write a letter.”

“I never gave him that damn letter.” Confessed Joe. “I’m glad I didn’t, or else my friendship with Rami would be pretty weird.”

“And when you came out to the whole family, years after, I was damn proud of you. As I am now.” Veronica kissed his son’s cheeks. “You must know I’m grateful for you being just like that. You’re amazing, Joe.”

“I was so afraid to tell you” Joe started to cry. “because saying to you it meant it was real, and I didn’t want that to be real. I didn’t.”

Joe laid down on Veronica’s lap, and she caressed his arms, comforting him. “I’m here, baby. I’m here.”

They stayed there for some minutes and then Joe straighten up, cleansing his face, Veronica helping him too.

“When you said Roger knew about it, I felt worthless.” Veronica spoke, a bit shy. “It’s like...I’m your damn mother, I supposed to know these things.”

“I’m sorry that you imagined that I told Roger.” Apologized Joe. “In fact, Ben told him, and he came here on his own. And as I said, he was indeed crucial to help me to back up.”

Veronica snorted. She’d been there too many times for such a very small time period.

“To be fair, I wasn’t mad at you, even though it sounded like.” Veronica said, still not looking at Joe’s eyes. “I was mad at John, actually.”

“With dad?? Why?” 

The woman bit her own lip. If she spoke out loud it’d sound childish.

“It’s because...John has hidden too many things from this family for too long. And he seems too comfortable with it.” Veronica felt her throat dry. “And I don’t like that.”

Chapter Text

John was taking his bass and amp to go to Roger’s house. It had been a while since he went there to record anything, and he couldn’t ignore Freddie anymore.

Veronica was watching TV when the man passed by in the hall, looking very happy, and the woman started it. “Going somewhere?”

“Oh, yes. Roger’s. Need to record something or this album won’t be releasing.” Said John,  walking to her, and kissing her forehead.

“But I thought we could enjoy a day to ourselves.” Veronica straightened up, turning to her husband, touching his clothed chest in a soft manner. “Cameron and Luke will only get home in two hours, so...”

John blinked, understanding what she wanted. It was appealing...but so was the album recording.

“Sorry, Ronnie. I already committed with them, and they need the bass player.” John sounded guilty.

Veronica snorted, frustrated, and looked down. “It can be any bass player.” Murmured the woman.

“What?” he didn’t hear her properly.

Veronica had tried, in the last few weeks, to stay calm with John. Every concession she made, all over the years – when he had begged to go to America, because somehow England wasn’t a good place for him to be in that moment, when she accepted his selfish pride to not look for a better job, some small fights that she had had to give in because he couldn’t say sorry to her, now all the lies about Queen – was boiling on her veins and made her wonder things that she never did before.

“I just...” Veronica could feel her throat hurting. She wanted to cry, but she wouldn’t; she was a grown woman, and crying like a teenager wasn’t something that looked good on her. “We need moments alone, and I feel like I shouldn’t be begging for having them with my husband.”

John was confused. That didn’t sound like Veronica at all. “Ronnie...It’s just an afternoon with my mates.”

“Is it? Because this ‘afternoon’” she even made the air quotes. “is getting longer than I imagined. It looks like you wanted them to call you back for the band.”

“I’m bonding again with Roger, wasn’t that what this family wanted??” John was now exasperated.

“We wanted that you two stopped barking at each other, but I didn’t imagine that you would stick every bloody night on a studio with people you haven’t seen in decades, and now you’re recording an album!”

Maybe that wasn’t the best time to tell her that the only person he hadn’t been in touch for all these years had been Roger.

“I’m not warming anyone with this. They are just some riffs.” The burnet tried to be reasonable, although bit more anxious with his tone  than necessary.

“But you didn’t ask me first. You just threw it in my face! I’m your damn wife, the one you are suppose to share a life with, remember?”

Hearing those words from Veronica’s mouth was weird. It sounded like she didn’t agree with his participation in the Queen album.

But then she did more.

“John...Do you want to get back on Queen?” Veronica looked at him, with expecting eyes.

The air was getting thin on the man’s lungs.

“I need to go there. Lately you’ve been making silly questions, Ronnie.” John quickly walked to the front door.

He practically ran towards his car and tried to calm himself down before he turned it on.

John couldn’t let his teen wishes win; he was on his forties, he couldn’t just start all over, with  a new career. Trying new things wasn’t on his menu anymore.

Either way, he thought while went out of his street, he was doing it.

---

Brian, Roger and John were listening Freddie sing his new song, each one doing their beats: Roger clapping on his legs, Brian with his eyes closed and swinging his head, John moving his fingers around an invisible bass. It was their process to feel and understand the song.

In the end Freddie looked at them and asked “So...Pretty good, hun?”

“Amazing, as always, Freddie.” Smiled John.

Brian stayed silent, which was unusual, and by his face, he was thinking very hard on something. After some moments he blinked, unsure.

“We don’t have a ballad in this album.” Stated Brian. “All of our albums have had at least one.”

“Brian complaining for the lack of love songs. That’s a first.” Teased Roger, smirking.

“Oh, Deaky! You should write one!” exclaimed Freddie, excited.

John blinked, a bit shocked with the request. He hadn’t written songs in a long time, and to be fair songwriting was never his strength. His only released song was Spread Your Wings, and he was very surprised that people had liked it.

And then, after an hour without thinking about it, John remembered his little fret with Veronica. Writing a song sounded would be like being too attached too the band. Even though he wanted to say yes, his reason was telling him to decline.

“Are you sure, Freddie?” asked Roger, looking to the main singer. “I mean, John likes to stay unknown, and when his name appears as a song composer...People will start to bother him.”

Unknown. That sounded so...depressing.

“His name will appear at the technical team, so potato, potato.” Freddie didn’t see the problem. He turned around to the youngest man. “So, Deaky, can you write a ballad for us?”

“Ah...” John looked to them, still not knowing what to say. “Can I at least think about it?”

“What do you need to think of, Deaky?” Roger didn’t understand him.

John blushed before speaking “Veronica and I argued earlier, about me being too committed with Queen. Complained about me not asking for her opinion before I accepted your offer to participate in the album recording.”

“But, hum, is there a reason for her to be so worried about?” Brian asked.

“I guess...I don’t know, maybe the fact that I never told her about my life in Queen and anything in between really made her upset.” John was ashamed, but he wasn’t sorry.

“I never truly understood why you never told her about us.” Commented Roger, and John looked at him, a bit shocked with his choice of words.

He was never ready to talk about Queen, or anything in between.

Brian saw a weird shine on the drummer’s blue eyes.

“I mean… Was there something you were afraid of?” Roger questioned, with an expectant face.

John could feel his hands itching, seeking to touch some flesh. The stare of the blond on him was so strong, so visceral…

“How about” Freddie’s voice was loud, making the other three jump. “we record this album? There’s no need to think about the past. As I always said, only look forward.”

“Alright.” Roger showed a too polite smile. “Brian and John can start while I make us all some tea.”

The drummer walked to the studio door, and turned around to see John talking something with Brian.

Their eyes found each other for one second. 

John didn’t need to answer him. He already knew the answer.

---

The harmony was already made, and Freddie was more than satisfied. Brian had asked to go over it one more, to make another guitar solo (“just to make sure”) but Roger said it was already too late and they all needed to sleep if they wanted to embark Joe and Ben tomorrow morning.

John lost his track of time. Looking at his watch, he cursed; it was almost 10 pm, Veronica would kill him by now. Freddie and Brian said good night to their friend and walked out, letting the two youngest men alone.

Roger waited a moment, thinking if he should meddle. But he chose do it anyway.

“John, you know you’re not being forced to finish this album, right?” Roger spoke, trying not to put his hopes on his tone. “I mean, if it’s messing with your marriage...”

John let out a humourless laugh. This album was the last thing that was messing with his marriage.

“None of us would mind, Deaky.” Continued Roger.

“But I will. This makes me feel alive, Rog.” The man showed a painful smile. “Veronica asked me if I wanted to get back on Queen. Just like you did.” John saw Roger nodding, without saying a word. “Would you?”

“In a heartbeat.”

Roger patted his hand on John’s thigh, he squeezed it at the end. He never tore his eyes away from the brunet man. And John, without thinking much, rested his hand above Roger’s, his mouth suddenly getting dry. 

Both men were shaking.

“Rog, I wonder where...” they both turned around when they heard the voice.

Debbie started when Roger and John, but she registered John moving his hand away from her husband’s.

“Did you see my phone somewhere?” Debbie asked, rigid.

“I guess I saw it in the kitchen.” Roger replied, a bit uncomfortable.

“Thanks. Freddie said the recording is over, so John, should I get a guest room for you?” 

Roger got shocked with Debbie’s sharp question, and John blushed with it.

“No, I’m already going home. I guess I see you two tomorrow morning in the airport.” John nodded to Roger, and walked out of the studio as fast as he could.

Roger checked if John had already left the house so he could turned to Debbie. “What the hell was that?”

“From now on you won’t be alone with John in any moment until we go back to England.” Demanded the blond woman. “I will let Freddie and Brian know about it too. I tried to understand you, Rog, I really did, but now I see. You both will destroy our families, and I cannot allow it.”

And she marched out of the room.

---

The families were hugging Joe and Ben, wishing them a safe flight and asking them to call the moment they landed at Europe. Ben had planned everything: two days in Italy, two days in France, one day at Germany and two days at England. Joe was excited to finally spend some quality time at England – the press tour was been very stressful and he only had had one night to enjoy with Ben and Rory and Tiger.

They were already at the plane and Joe was already putting his earphones when Ben opened his hand in front of him. On his palm there was a key.

“What is this?” asked Joe, curious.

“It’s the key to one of my dad’s properties.” Ben had a naughty smile. “He never let anyone go there but himself. Once I took the original key and made this copy. Thought we could spend one night there, what do you think?”

“Your dad gave us this trip and this is how you want to reward him, Benny?” but Joe was laughing.

“He will never know.” Ben gave the ginger man a peck. “This trip will be awesome.” He promised.

Chapter Text

Debbie was sending some details on the menu for the reception to some food suppliers. She needed to do everything she could without the grooms presence. To be honest, the woman didn’t know where she had had with her mind when she accepted to do this. It was so many small things and Ben and Joe didn’t help much.

A fucking trip when the wedding was a few months ahead! That’s why sometimes Debbie hated her husband.

Anita and Jim got back for their daily run around the block, chatting about some thing Freddie did last night.

“Still trying to find an american who makes a british proper wedding meal, honey?” asked Anita, looking at her friend.

“If we were in England everything would be easier.” Groaned Debbie. “All our relatives will have to come all way from there for this wedding, and...” her eyes wided. “Oh, fuck! We need to book tons of hotel rooms! We need the confirmation way before, maybe for this month yet, and –”

“Debbie, take a breath.” Asked Jim, holding her hand. “You should call Ronnie, so she can help you. Or else you’ll lose your mind.”

“We can help you too, if you want to.” Anita added, Jim nodding. “I don’t even know why you never asked for help.”

Debbie let a tired groan escape. “I don’t know. Just trying to be the supermom.”

“Nonsense! You don’t need this.” Jim kissed her cheek. “Let me take a bath and we’ll figure this out.

“I need a bath too.” Said Anita, and the both went upstairs.

Moments later the doorbell sang, and Debbie walked to the door. She wasn’t expecting anyone.

The blondie looked surprised when she saw Veronica at the door, and she walked inside without greeting her first.

“Oh, hi, Ronnie. Are you okay?” Debbie was intrigued; Ronnie had never gone to her house without calling first, and she was clearly upset.

“Stupid book club.” Spitted out Veronica, walking around the living room, out of her mind. “It was my turn to pick a book, and I already made a decision. Pet Semetary by Stephen King.”

“Wow. Dark.” 

“But brainless Clare said that it was Jullie’s turn to pick the book.” Veronica stopped and looked to Debbie, sadder about that than seemed reasonable. “It was my turn to pick the book! My turn!”

Of course it was nothing related to the book club, but Veronica needed to vent somehow what was really bothering her.

“Okay, honey.” Debbie gave her an emphatic smile. “Let me get some wine and we can talk about it.”

Veronica just nodded and went to sit on the couch, her lips trembling.

While Debbie was grabbing wine and a pair of glasses, Anita and Jim went downstairs and saw their friend in the living room. “Oh, she’s already here. That was fast.” Commented Anita, smiling.

“No.” Debbie sounded worried. “She just came here and...Whatever, go there and talk with her.” She handed them the wine and the glasses. “I need to grab two more glasses.”

Anita and Jim didn’t argue and did as she said. Debbie took a deep breath after she found the glasses. Her guts were telling it was too dangerous.

When she got back to the living room, Veronica was already crying, and Anita and Jim seemed confused, unprepared to that scene.

“She took the bloody bottle out of my hand and is drinking right from the neck!” whispered Jim, alarmed.

“They disrespected me!” exclaimed Veronica, hot tears rolling on her face, Anita next to her was nodding. “Years of  being in that fucking book club and that’s what I get!”

And she took another large gulp of the wine. She didn’t even frown.

“Guess we need another bottle, then.” Anita said, standing up and walking away.

For Debbie what she was watching was absurd. Veronica was a very centered woman, very polished and gentle. Even though now they were as close as they could be – she could say friends, perhaps – with them gossiping around and sharing some laughs that maybe the blonde woman had never imagined she could with Veronica, the first moment she saw her. Ben’s mother could never imagine she would see her son’s mother-in-law falling into pieces like that.

She could sense that Veronica, even in their most intimate moments, had trouble to open herself up with her, which was plausible; she was british, she wasn’t taught to trust easily on people. But Debbie could say they had done a huge progress in their relationship. She had never imagined they would accomplish that in such a short time. That was because Veronica tried to be her friend, despite her own regards.

And now the person in front of her was someone who was strangled by Veronica herself. 

Someone she didn’t allow people to see, someone that maybe her kids had never seen.

Someone broken.

Debbie didn’t even realized that Ronnie had already finished the bottle of wine all by herself.

“We’re back. That was another bottle of wine, but now we’ll share with friends, right, Ronnie?” Jim said, taking out the stopper, and putting the wine in the glasses.

Veronica drank his glass of wine in one go.

“Why are you doing this? She shouldn’t drink anymore.” Debbie hissed at her friends.

“Debbie, she clearly needs to talk.” Anita pointed out to the other woman, who was holding tight her empty glass. “So we’ll help.”

“But what if –”

“That’s above your or my hands, sweetheart.” Jim said, smiling sadly to her as he filled Veronica’s glass again.

“Why don’t people respect me, Debbie?” asked Veronica, breathing heavily.

“Why are you saying this?” Debbie asked back, having a hunch, and really hoping she was wrong.

Debbie, Anita and Jim looked at her, expecting, and in that moment Veronica drank the wine, in slow sips, until she left the glass empty again.

She took a deep breath and said “I’ve been so frustrated lately. It’s like...I want to scream!” 

And Veronica yelled, scaring the other ones. Seeing their faces, Veronica laughed, and her glass slipped out of her hand, falling on the floor and breaking instantly.

“Oops.” She said, putting her hands on the mouth. “I’m breaking things, just like John.”

“Is everything okay?” Tiger asked, showing her head at the stairs, Rory next to her.

“Just a broken glass, dear.” Answered Debbie, and she saw the teens disappearing again.

Debbie shared a glance with Anita and Jim, scared with Veronica’s last comment. The woman was crying again.

“Should we...?” asked Anita. “I mean, it sounds like.”

“We can be wrong.” Jim bit his own lip, apprehensive.

Debbie closed her eyes, tired. It’d be a mess, but she must ask the question. “Ronnie, what’s going on between you and John?”

“We are so...” Veronica’s eyes were lightless. “off. It’s like we weren’t ourselves.”

“Has something happened for you to come to this?”

The woman looked to the ground, trying to find the words, or her courage. “I used to think I knew my husband, and I didn’t have to worry with him, but lately...I’ve only been proving myself wrong. Sometimes I watch him sleep, and I can’t recognize the man I fell in love.”

Fuck.

Debbie promised herself, in the moment she would really start to care about Ronnie, she’d stop meddling, that she’d make Roger step away and not blow the bond the Taylors and Deacons were creating. Because beyond Ben and Joe’s union, their other kids were getting along, John was getting closer to the band again and they could be a big and happy family.

And right now, with Veronica’s statement, Debbie knew everything could change.

“Couples have their moments.” Jim gave his opinion. “Freddie and I almost broke up tons of times. Love is hard.”

“Brian and myself too, Ronnie.” Agreed Anita. “He even wrote a song about it, because according of him I was ‘too demanding’.”

Veronica looked at Debbie, waiting for her contribution, but she just shrugged. Her married life with Roger was pretty boring, actually. She would laugh if the timing wasn’t right.

“But that’s not the only moment I felt like that.” Veronica’s voice was heavy. The alcohol was doing its effects. “The first years were hard. We got married in a hurry, because I got pregnant of Joe, so we didn’t know each other that well for us to make such a big decision. We needed to adapt ourselves to each other. We used to argue after Joe fell asleep.”

“You always seemed so fine.” Anita commented, without thinking.

Veronica scoffed. “To reach this ‘fine’ we had to suck up a lot of things. Mostly me. John is a good man, but he’s also a pain in the arse.” She felt her throat hurt. “At least one day he was a good man.” She looked to them, hopeless. “It’s weird to say it out loud, because I know the vision my kids have of my marriage, but maybe...maybe I’m not the right person for John, and maybe he feels that way too.”

After that Veronica started to talk incomprehensive words, and Debbie thought it’d be better that she had a hot bath to sober her up, so she asked Anita to prepared it and Jim to help their friend to at least climb upstairs.

Debbie decided to organize the wedding papers. It was useless to do anything else after that. Maybe tomorrow it’d be better.

The front door got opened, and Debbie saw Roger getting inside, the man soon looked at something next to the couch.

“Wow, someone broke a glass of my favorite set.” Roger commented, frowning to his wife.

“Veronica wasn’t good and drank too much.” Said her.

She had a tough task to do. She could see, in the middle of a lot of darkness and mess, a point of light. Because she understood one thing: nothing could tear a strong feeling apart. She knew that damn well.

Debbie wasn’t stupid, of course it’d be scratches anyway. She should be prepared.

“I feel Ronnie is unhappy with her marriage. And so is John.” She spoke.

Roger looked agaped with her words, and blinked. His blue eyes changed colour.

“So?” he asked.

“Be wise.” Debbie didn’t have any advice.

It’s up to him.

Chapter Text

Joe was enjoying the trip very much. Ben had really planned all their moments, and since he knew very well all the countries they were going, he took the ginger too all the touristic places, let him take a lot of pictures.  All the days were full with a lot of activities – museums, restaurants, historical buildings – so Joe could forget a little his problems.

In a way, he was succeeding.

“Am I selfish for not wanting to go back home?” asked Joe, smiling, when they were going to England. “This trip is amazing.”

“You can say out loud that you’re also liking to have me all for yourself, Joe.” Teased Ben, kissing his neck.

“Well...The trip is better.” Joe smirked, and the blond actor made a mocking angry face.

“You take that back!”

“Or what?”

“Or...Or I’m not marrying you anymore!”

Joe cupped Ben’s face and kissed him with passion, letting his lips fit with the other man’s, moving his face while humming content.

“You could never survive without my kisses, Ben.” Joe said when he pulled away.

“You’re mean, but you’re also right.” Bem leaned again, kissing him again.

At this moment Joe was as happy as he could be.

---

When the couple arrived at London, they went straight to Roger’s house. Joe felt it wasn’t right to go there without the owner knowing – even though it was his fiancee’s dad – but Ben said he had always been very curious to know the place. The ginger could see the childish excitement on his eyes.

“I was planning to come to here with you after the wedding, but since we got an earlier trip...” Ben smiled and opened the front door.

It looked like a mid-class british house, and it seemed it had been cleaned recently. Ben wasn’t as impressed as he wanted to be.

“Well, that’s a bummer.” Spoke the blond man, looking around. “I imagined it would be like a cassino or with lots of forbidden books.”

“Are you serious?” laughed Joe with his lover’s imagination.

“I thought that when I was eight, so give me a break.” Ben took his bags and climbed upstairs, Joe following him.

They found a clean bedroom and put their bagages there, Joe sitting on the bed while Ben started to walk around the room, contemplative.

“Maybe your dad just wanted a place to write his songs. This seems a musician thing.” Joe commented, looking to the blond, but the latter just shook his head, without stopping.

“No, he always wrote his songs at home, or at the studio. Dad comes here every 22 of May, without fail.”

“May 22.” Corrected Joe.

“Joe.”

“Sorry.”

“Since I can remember he comes here, but only on that day. Something important happens or happened with him on this day.”

“Maybe he has an affair with a ghost, that can only turn into a human form at May 22.”

“Ha ha, very funny, Joe.” Ben rolled his eyes, amused.

“Ben, I’m sure your father has good reasons to come here every year, but right now we are here.” Joe gave a more intimate smile.

The blond heard his tone and went closer to the bed. “You’re right.”

Standing in front of the ginger, the british actor saw Joe undoing his belt, and zipping down his pants. “So we should use it properly, don’t you think?”

Ben bit his lips while Joe put down his pants. “We’re going to meet Lucy, Rami and Gwil for dinner, honey.”

“In two hours.” Joe smirked when he touched his fiancee’s clothed cock, making the blond man  groan, and started to take off Ben’s black underwear.

--- 

Joe and Ben were aware it was tonight when Lucy would propose to Rami in the moment they saw their friend. She smiled brightly to them and hugged them. The actress was shaking.

“Oh my god, Lucy!” exclaimed Joe, smiling. “Are you going to – ”

“Shhh, Joe!” the woman cut him, but smiled, excited.

“Yes. I wanted you two to be present. You’re important for our story.”

“Owww, how cute, Lucy.” Ben melted, kissing her cheek.

“Finally, boys!” Rami showed up, content to see the other couple. “Gwil texted me, he’s on his way, unfortunately his fiancee is out of town. Come get inside.”

Rami was now living in London with Lucy, which made Joe a bit sad, for his longest friend living so far away from him, but seeing how happy he was, the ginger actor knew he’d made a good choice. Joe remembered how hard it had been for Rami to date someone, and got a bit worried of how fast things happened between he and Lucy, but it was clear that they were made for each other.

Lucy and Rami gave the other couple a quick tour for the house, Rami admitting most of the things were from Lucy (“since she’s the one with better taste”), and the last stop being in the small cellar they had, so they could choose a wine for the night.

Rami’s phone buzzed and he looked up. “Gwil is here. Let me open for him.” and he left.

The other three waited a minute so they could speak freely.

“Where’s the ring? I can’t believe Rami never found it, he’s so noisy.” Commented Joe, making the two blonds laugh.

“I know, so I had to give it to my mom, and she gave it back last night.” Lucy showed the small box Joe and Ben had seen months ago, putting it away quickly on his pocket again. “Let’s go back, before he gets suspicious.”

The rest of the evening was good. The five friends catched up: Gwilym would start to shoot a new british series, Lucy was called for an american tv show and Rami was negotiating a new movie. Joe and Ben, after, showed all the pictures of their trip, Joe remembering funny anecdotes to tell his friends.

“He forgot the painting name.” The ginger man was laughing, Lucy, Rami and Gwil doing the same. Ben was embarrassed but tried to play cool.

“I was tired, the Louvre is huge!” explained Ben.

“It’s fucking Monalisa, love, how could you possibly forget its name?” Joe saw his fiancee looking at him; he was making fun of him since the day it happened. “Okay, okay, I swear I will stop.”

“Oh, guys, I’ve missed this.” Rami smiled, drinking a bit more of red wine. “Us together.”

“He’s getting sentimental too early, Lucy. Control your man.” Teased Gwil.

“I mean it. Joe and I already had a bond before, but I met you, and my life changed.” The man raised his glass. “This is a night to remember.”

Joe and Ben saw the moment Lucy put her hand inside her pocket.

“It is, indeed.” Lucy said, and she took a deep breath. “Rami.”

The four men looked to Lucy, and on her hand was a box. Her boyfriend’s eyes got wider when he figured it out.

“There’s not the better time than today, together with the friends that helped us to be together, even when I thought that dating a project colleague was just a delusion of acting magic, and we’d be doomed of failu–”

“Lucy, ask him the question.” Ben said, nodding.

“She should’ve written it down.” Joe whispered to the blond.

“She probably wrote it down.” He whispered back.

“What I want to say is...” Lucy’s clear eyes were wet. “I don’t care what I thought before you. Everyday you show me how life can be way different from what I’ve always imagined. I want you to keep showing me this, until the end of our lives.” She opened the box, revealing the ring. “Rami Malek, would you –”

Rami shook his head. “Yes.”

Everyone softly laughed, Lucy included. “Let me finish the question.”

“No. I do. I will marry you.”

“Let me finish it, Rami!”

“No.”

And he kissed her, making their three friends clap and shout loudly, happy for them.

--- 

After hours of celebration for their friends, Joe and Ben were in a Uber, already going back to Roger’s house. Joe was looking through the window, quiet.

“You didn’t say anything to them.” Pointed Ben.

Joe looked to his fiancee, with tired eyes. He had drunk too much wine. “It was Lucy and Rami’s night. I couldn’t ruin it. And to be honest, I wasn’t planning on tell them.”

“Do you want them to discover by the news?!?” The british man was shocked.

Joe blinked, feeling himself sleepy. “I don’t know. I guess it’s not the best.”

“Definitely.”

The Uber arrived at the place, and Ben paid it. When they entered the house Joe said he only needed a glass of water and to piss.

“No more sex today then.” Murmured Ben, climbing upstairs.

Joe went to the kitchen and drank two large glasses of water, lightly thinking about how much alcohol he had drunk that night. With that, he walked to the nearest bathroom, and peed.

With his bladder more relieved, he got out of the room and started to swing while walked, humming some song. And his eyes stopped at a door. Something made him get interested in it, and smiling when he got closer. The actor turned the knob and walked into the room.

It was a normal homeoffice: a big wall shelf with books, some paper news about Queen that Roger had framed, but the thing that intrigued Joe the most was an old stereo, on a table. The man stepped forward and saw Queen first album next to the electronic device. He had always liked this album the most, and now knowing his father was part of it made Joe feel more attached to it.

He turned on the stereo and immediately a song started, seconds after Freddie’s voice was singing ‘Somehooooow I have to make this final breakthrough...Now!’

Joe sat in a chair, putting his feet on the table, enjoying the song his father had written together with his father-in-law. How odd was to listen to it, because now it was somehow different for him…

Taking his time to appreciate the lyrics, Joe noticed it was a very deep love song. About someone who was falling hard for someone else, who wants to get them and never let them go, who could do anything to make the other one happy. Joe giggled, imagining two straight men writing together a song like that.

“Babe, what are you doing here?” Ben asked, as he got into the room. He looked around the office, and Joe smiled, pointing to the shelf.

“You were right, Benny. There’s books!” exclaimed Joe.

“Ok, Joey. Let’s go to the bed.” Ben smiled caringly, and grabbed one of the ginger’s hand, helping him to stand up.

Joe’s sweater sleeve got stuck in a nail from the corner of the table drawer. The strength Ben used made a hole in the sleeve, and also opened a bit the drawer.

The ginger man looked down when he heard the sleeve tearing up. “Oh, I liked this sweater.” He whined before he noticed there was something inside the drawer.

Above a black leather journal, there was what it seemed a photo. By its size, looked like a photobooth picture, but right now Joe was only seeing its cover.

“What are you looking at?” asked Ben. Joe took the photo out of the drawer.

There was something written, and Ben recognized his father handwriting. 

One golden glance of what should be – A KIND OF MAGIC

Joe smiled before he turned over the picture.

The smile falling instantly. Ben’s mouth opened in surprise.

“Is...Is that my –”

“Yes.” Joe answered, horrified.

“And is that your –”

“Yes.”

Freddie’s voice filled the room ‘Honey you’re starting something deep inside of me...Honey, you’re sparking something this fire on me, I’m out of control, I want to rush headlong into this ecstasy!’

Joe threw up.

Chapter Text

John could feel something was odd with Veronica. She was distant from him, even physically; his wife enjoyed being spooned during sleep, but on that week she blamed the heat and asked for him to stay at his side of the bed.

Another day he saw her crying while cooking, and the brunet man got worried. But she said it was a sudden memory of her dead parents.

She was lying, and he knew it, since he was a master of it. But John let her be.

Joe texted him, sending him a picture of London, and the older man smiled. He missed that city. He was happy there, some many memories in those streets...John had always wanted to go back there, even though he wasn’t brave enough for it. Maybe he could talk with Veronica about it, after Cameron and Luke went to college.

He could dream with a better, easier life, at least.

--- 

Veronica was determined. She wouldn’t throw away two decades of marriage just for some fights. Okay, her mind still didn’t accept very well that bargain – and kept remembering her why she had been so reticent with John – but the woman was ready to try something.

To do that she needed to buy some groceries, so she could do it right.

With everything already bought, she was already heading home, when she stopped at a red light. A car stopped next to hers and she recognized it in a second. Veronica put down the window in the same moment at the other car.

“What a coincidence!” smiled Veronica.

“Indeed.” Debbie smiled. She’s with Anita and Jim, who waved to the other woman. “Jim needed to get a gift for Freddie. Tomorrow’s their marriage anniversary.”

“How sweet. I was buying some groceries, to make a special dinner for John. Sort things out with him.” She could see confusion on her friends’ faces. “I know what I said to you, folks, but I’m okay, really. Jim was right, love is hard.”

“Are you su–”

Before Jim could finish his question, someone honked, allarming both drivers. The light was already green.

“Okay. Talk with you later.” And Veronica drove away, leaving three persons worried in the other car.

---

A text from Veronica.

Ronnie: I’ll make a special dinner for us. Luke and Cam will sleep at some friends’ house.

John smiled, relieved. Some sex today, finally.

After work, he drove to Roger’s, just to talk with Brian about a song he was writing. It was still really premature, but he thought it had potential, and since the guitar player was one of the more sensible people he knew, the brunet thought of showing it to him first.

He knocked the front door and it was opened in the next second by Roger.

John got intrigued with the smile the drummer was wearing. It was very...warm.

“I already told you that you don’t need to knock, Deaky.” Greated Roger, making space for the other man to enter.

John smiled back, trying to stay strong, even though his legs suddenly got weak. “I’ll remember next time.”

“So” Roger put his hand on John’s shoulder. “I found that artisanal beer you told me about. Come get one with me. It’s at the pantry.”

They crossed the living room, John feeling the strong – almost possessive – grip of the drummer. They were already at the kitchen, a few steps to reaching the pantry, when Brian showed at the other entrance of the room.

“Hi, John. What are you doing here?” Brian quickly reached the two men, Roger ruffing riled.

“Actually I came to talk with you, but Rog and I were getting a beer.” John looked from Roger to Brian.

“Okay, I want one beer too.”

“Yeah, so wait here, mate. The pantry is small and probably three persons don’t fit in there.” Roger spoke again.

“Nonsense. I’ll go with you.” Brian insisted.

John thought it was a bit weird the way the two men were acting, but didn’t comment on it. In that moment his phone buzzed. Veronica showed a picture of his favorite wine.

“You know what? Let’s forget about this beer. I really need to talk with Brian and I can’t stay longer here.” John sighed. “Veronica is making a dinner for us, and we’re not in the best moment, so I can’t stress her out.”

Brian saw a new light at Roger’s expression. He hadn’t seen that in a long, long time.

“Let’s go to the studio then.” Brian moved, wrapping his hand around John, both men walking back to the living room.

“Can I join you?” asked Roger, hopeful.

“He said Brian, not Brian and Roger.” The guitar player pointed out, turning to the right and disappearing with John.

“Hey, that’s my house!”

Roger was at the amusement park, waiting for his bandmates. It was a lame program, but Freddie was very excited to go, and made them promise they would. And now he had been waiting for the other three for almost fifteen minutes.

He was ready to go home when he saw John entering the park, his hands on the jeans pockets. The blond smiled, quickly waving to him. John saw him and walked faster, more relieved to find him.

“Hi, mate.” Greated Roger. “Where are the others?”

“Brian called me saying he finally got a chance to go out with that classmate, and Freddie was with a flu.” John answered.

“Great. That’s just great.” Roger rolled his eyes. It was already 7 pm and he had cleared his schedule just to spend the night with them, and now he was in a stupid park with nothing to do.

“Hey, we’re already here, so...” John shrugged.

Roger looked at the brunet, skeptic. “You really want to stay here?”

“It’s not like I have anywhere else to go.” 

“Alright. Let’s see what we can do here.” Roger started to walk, John at his side.

Roger stayed at the couch, looking at his social media while Brian and John were  talking in the studio. He knew why he wasn’t there. His bandmates were trying to cut his moments alone with John.

He started to hear Brian and John’s voices getting louder, and he looked back. They appeared again at the corner, walking to the front door.

“So...How was the talk?” questioned the blond, curious.

John looked at him, but quickly moved his eyes away. “It was okay. Now I really need to go home. Bye.”

Roger walked with him to the door, being watched by Brian, and opened it to the brunet. “We need to drink that beer soon, Deaky.”

“Alright, Rog.” And he left, the drummer closing the door.

The curly-haired man had a heavy look on his face.

“I need to talk with you.” And Brian made his way back to the studio.

Roger didn’t understand, but followed his friend. When he entered the studio he saw a small bag in the couch. He knew Freddie and Jim’s anniversary was close, and maybe the main singer had forgotten the gift there earlier.

Brian closed the door and turned to the drummer. “Promise me you won’t look for John.” Asked the guitarist.

The blond frowned. “Why are you saying this?”

“Because” Brian took a deep breath. “he showed me a song he’s writing. The song’s name is ‘Pain Is So Close to Pleasure’”

Roger didn’t remember how to breath for few seconds. 

“Now show me your song.” Demanded.

This made the blond man looked at him again, and he tilted his head, seemed confused. “My song?”

“I saw your writing in a paper earlier. Show me.” Brian saw guilt on Roger’s face. So, with a stronger tone, he repeated “Show me.”

Roger sighed, and put his hand on his pocket, taking out a folded paper, and handing it to Brian.

The guitar player unfolded it and read it down fast. Another deep breath. “And that’s why you two can’t stay alone anymore.” Brian gave the paper back to Roger. “We won’t record this song. Maybe never.”

Roger groaned, frustrated, and the other man turned around, leaving the room.

---

John was almost heading home when he noticed he had forgotten his bag at Roger’s house. He turned his car around, going back to the place.

He quickly texted Veronica, saying he had to stay a bit longer at work, but soon he’d be at home. The man hated to lie – even with little lies – to her, but he knew how she felt about John going so often to Roger’s.

But he felt so good there. And they weren’t doing anything inappropriate. So what was the problem?

He stopped in front of the house. When he got out of the car and looked at the front door, he remembered the drummer’s words. John thought it was stupid but he walked by and opened the front door, getting inside.

The house seemed empty, and John thought he could sneak in and out without anyone noticing him.

He walked straight to the studio and saw the bag.

He walked to catch it but something else got his attention. A paper was opened above the piano. Probably a new song. John was tempted to read it, and he probably would know about it later, since the Queen members showed him all the tracks, wanting to know his opinions.

He moved to grab the paper, and look at the lyrics. 

The Invisible Man by Roger Taylor.

Something in the back of his mind made him think he had already heard this expression before.

His eyes got right to the line that was stretched, and by the way the paint was still wet, it was done minutes ago.

John Deacon
I’m in your room
And I’m in your bed
And I’m in your life
And I’m in your head

Some lines down made John even more frighted.

Now I’m on your track
And I’m in your mind
And I’m on your back
But don’t look behind
I’m your meanest thought
I’m your darkest fear
But I’ll never get caught
You can’t shake me, shake me dear

The studio door got opened, and John saw the man he wanted to punch so badly.

“John?” Roger got surprised to see him there, and then he realized what paper he was holding. 

“What the fuck is this, Roger?” John barked.

First they ate two giant hot dogs, and kept talking about the next gig. Roger commented how he was feeling that they were close to finally be seen and get a shot with a record company.

After that they tried some games. John was very excited with the dards, and he managed to win a prize, giving a teddy bear to Roger, who shyly accepted the gift.

When they got bored with the games, it was already 10 pm, and John thought they could call it a night. Roger was thinking the same, when he saw something they hadn’t done at the park yet.

“Look, a photo booth cabin.” The blond pointed to where the machine was, and John frowned.

“Ok.” John said.

“Let’s take a picture.”

John laughed. “We’re not fifteen, Rog.”

“Oh, don’t be a spoilsport and come with me. I still have a ticket to use.”

The brunet rolled his eyes, but in the end he gave up. “Alright.”

Roger smiled, content, and they walked to the cabin.

The blond gave the ticket to the worker and he and John got inside.

“I asked” John’s tone was sharp a knife. “what the fuck is that, Roger.”

“It’s just a song.” The blond said, taking some steps forward.

John could feel his skin on fire, his muscles pulsing, a weird swing on his chest. Was his...? No, it can’t be his heart.

He wanted to break Roger’s in millions pieces, but maybe before that he wanted the opposite of it.

“It’s not just a song, Roger, and you bloody well know it!” exclaimed John, crumbling the paper and throwing it to his face. “It has my fucking name on it!”

“And so has mine, and Freddie’s, and Brian’s.”

“I’m not from Queen. It doesn’t make any sense!” at this point he was yelling. “The lyrics after my name were very explicit. How do you think I would explain this to my family? I can’t lie anymore!”

John didn’t want to lie anymore.

Lies. That was what built his life so far on. And his marriage.

That sounded different in Roger’s head, and he moved forward.

With one hand the drummer pulled John by his waist, gluing their bodies, and with the other he held the brunet man’s nape, his thumb brushing carelessly on his earlobe.

John took some seconds to register that.

“What the –” John felt himself heating up, unable to move. The question was: did he want to move?

“I always knew.” Breathed Roger as he was leaning in. “I always knew.”

John watched in slow motion, Roger’s lashes and pores getting more visible to him as the blond man’s face was getting closer and closer.

His breath was inebriating John. What if he stayed a little longer and…

“Rog, I heard yelling and...WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT?” 

Freddie walked to the studio with Brian, and founded them like that.

The younger man blinked and shoved Roger away, out of breath. He felt dizzy. He needed to get out of there.

“I need to get back home.” John grabbed the bag and walked out of the studio door.

Freddie and Brian let him pass, Roger still motionless, but he managed to speak “John.”

He didn’t answered.

When the man got out of his view, Roger found forces to move, and he walked to the room door, but Brian stood in front of him, holding his shoulders. “Rog, don’t.”

“Get out of my way, Bri.” The drummer ordered

“No.”

Far away, they heard the front door getting shut.

Freddie closed the studio door and looked angrily at the blond. “What are you thinking, Rog? Kissing John, in your house? Tiger and Rory are upstairs!”

“It’s none of your business. This is between John and I.” hissed the drummer.

“Of course it’s my business! You two stupids are my best friends, and I don’t want to pick up your pieces when this is over.”

Roger ignored him. His throat was starting to ache. “I need to talk with John.”

“No, you won’t. I will.” Freddie assured. “Brian, dear, can you drive me there?”

“Of course.” Brian nodded.

“Let me –” Roger started to beg, but Freddie interrupted him.

“We let you once, and now here we are.” Freddie was cold. “And if even imagine that you were close to John’s house, you’ll regret it, blondie.”

Freddie and Brian got out of the studio, leaving Roger about to cry.

Chapter Text

John’s heart never got back to normal.

Roger tried to kiss him. He really made a move to kiss him. Roger had finally crossed the line, even though he hadn’t actually finished-

Every inch of his flesh was trembling, a lot of senses driving him crazy.

John could remember the excitement in Roger’s breathing when he was close. 

He was trying to stay focus on the traffic, but to be honest he’d be glad to get at home without crashing his car.

Home. John was going back to Veronica. His wife couldn’t even dream of what had happened just now. No, she couldn’t know. She could never know.

He looked himself in the mirror to see if anything on him could indicate anything. John tried diaphragmatic breathing, to calm himself down, trying to not collapse on his own. When he reached his block street the man was way better.

The brunet walked into home calmer, and saw his wife at the dining room, putting some things at the table.

“Finally.” Veronica walked to him and kissed him quickly. “I remembered I hadn’t made british dishes lately so I made Lancashire Hot Pot.”

John smiled when he felt the smell of the dish. “Ronnie, you’re a saint.”

She came closer and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I want things to get back to the way they were.” She said pedantically. “I love you.”

He cowardly just kissed her, letting his words unspoken.

Someone knocked on the front door, too strongly in fact, and they broke the kiss. Veronica walked to the door and opened it. Freddie was in front of them, a charming smile on his face.

“Hello, darlings. Oh, what a beautiful dinner!” Freddie exclaimed, kissing Veronica’s cheek and getting inside the house. “Can I borrow John for two minutes? I won’t ruin your dinner, I promise.” Freddie was talking and walking to John, grabbing him by his wrist and walking to the rooms direction. Veronica didn’t even have a chance to deny the request.

John let himself get dragged to his own room, looking to Freddie, who remained silent.

Only when they reached John’s bedroom and got inside was when the Queen singer spoke “Look, John, I came here because I got worried of how you left Roger’s house.”

“I’m okay. I’m more than okay.” John tried to deceive his friend, but he got betrayed by his own voice, weak and unstable.

Freddie gave him a pity look. “I know it’s too much to ask, but don’t be so harsh with Roger. He already suffered too much.”

John couldn’t believe his ears. “Are you serious? He bloody hitted on me, Freddie!”

“John, I will talk with him and he’ll behave. But I know he’ll be worse without you.” 

John took deep breaths. He wanted to have a normal dinner with his wife, a normal evening, and most importantly, he wanted to erase from his mind the image of Roger leaning on him.

“He tried to kiss me, Freddie.” John said. 

“To be fair he’s not the only one to be blamed. Things happened to lead you two to here.” Freddie sighed.

“What do you mean?!”

The oldest man rolled his eyes. He hated John’s false innocence. “You know exactly what I mean!”

“John?”

The two looked to the door. Veronica was there, with a indecipherable expression on his face.

John got worried. How much had she listened?

“Freddie said two minutes.” The woman spoke, her hands united against her belly, watching them attentively.

Freddie gave her a smile. “You’re right. How rude of me.” Freddie turned again to his friend. “Just...think about it, darling.”

John showed a hopeless glance, but shook his head. “Okay.”

“Bye, Ronnie.” Freddie walked close to her and hugged her quickly. “I’ll make myself out.”

The brunet man stared at his wife, waiting for something, any indication she had heard more than she should. His heart raced again.

“Let’s eat.” Announced Veronica, and turned around, walking to the dining room.

--- 

The food, as always, was delicious, and John was trying to enjoy it as much as he could. But he could feel something was off. Sometimes he lifted his head and he saw Veronica at her place, deadly silent. That was not usual for her.

He needed to do something.

So John cleansed his mouth with a napkin and reached Veronica’s hand. “Ronnie, what’s going on? You don’t look fine.”

Veronica dazed at him, her eyes dark and empty.

“What Freddie meant with ‘he’s not the only one to be blamed’, John?” Veronica was almost plain.

The temperature seemed to get lower with the question.

“Veronica...” John spoke, but he really didn’t know what to say.

“Roger tried to kiss you, but he said that things happened to lead to that.” Veronica took her hand away from John’s. “I don’t want to assume anything, but it seems that...”

“Not–” his vocal cords hurt with the strength he’s doing to not succumb. “Nothing happened since he came at US, Ronnie, I promise you.” 

He was desperate. When had he lost the control of his life?

Veronica tilted her head, and blinked slowly. “‘Since he came to US’, John?”

Fuck.

John could hear himself breathing loudly by the mouth. His hands, that were above the table, started to turn into fists, and his pressure got up.

“What is your deal with Roger, John?” Veronica questioned, serious.

His brain was in high function, trying desperately to find a leak, a way to get out of that trap. His eyes moved fast by the sides, scanning his wife’s face, to see a trace of mercy, a piece of forgiveness. He ditched deep, but he didn’t know where to run.

There was no way out.

“Answer me, Deaky.” It was noticeable the disgust when she named him. Veronica never called him like that.

Deaky was supposed to be dead. Supposed to be forgotten the day they left England. But he was not.

When John looked at her like a chained puppy, the woman accepted. She got her answer. 

“Oh, fuck.” Veronica covered her face with her hands, and started to cry.

“Ronnie...” John moved his hand forward again.

“Don’t touch me.”

John was shaking, nervous and scared. Fuck. No, that was not his life. It didn’t seem like his life. How did he come to this, with his wife crying over the dinner table? His head was spinning, trying to trick himself. That couldn’t be real.

Veronica stood up suddenly, waking up John, and he saw the woman running to their bedrooms. The brunet man followed her, but when he reached the door it was already closed and locked.

“Ronnie.” John knocked the door. “Let me talk with you.”

“You had twenty-two years for this, John!” cried Veronica.

John slipped to the floor, his whole body weak and useless. His life was blowing up, and all he could do was hear his wife crying from the other side of the door.

“Please, give me a chance to explain.” John’s voice was snotty.

No answer.

He ran his hands thought his hair, holding the strands, lost. His marriage...Two decades of companionship...No! 

Veronica yelled in pain inside the bedroom, and John got on his knees, touching the woody door without knowing what to do.

“Ronnie, I’m sorry. Please...” John felt the first tears running out of his eyes. “Just open this door.”

He did everything right all these years...What did he let himself slide? When did he start to be a bad husband? When did he become this person?

Or he maybe never was the person he should be?

He sat at the floor again, after ten minutes behind that door. John tried to think what to say when Veronica accepted to hear him, how to win her over. The anxiety was getting down, and a crazy hope was filling him. Yes, because Ronnie loved him, and he…

They could make work it out.

Twenty minutes and she’s still there. Now he could only hear low sniffs.

The man was touching the door again when it opened. John quickly stood up, cleaning his face from the remained trail of tears, and he saw Veronica.

She was with a travel bag in hands and her purse. John looked at her in shock.

“Where the hell are you going?” John asked, thinking she was out of her mind.

“Out of here. I can’t look at your face right now.” Veronica’s face was still red. “I should have known in the moment you told me about Queen. Since there you only let me down, over and over.”

“Veronica, don’t do this.”

“I didn’t do anything. This is only on you.” Veronica looked at her phone. “My Uber is here.”

John saw her crossing the front door. He couldn’t let her do this. “What...What about us?” 

Another tear cleared her eyes. “I can’t see us in the future anymore.”

---

John stayed at his living room floor, looking to the ceiling, his head empty. He couldn’t believe Veronica had left him.

She just took her things and left.

They had a life together, three kids, material goods together. They found a place to call home, to create their family, to survive all their problems and differences.

And everything, puff, was gone.

She was the glue of his life, the person who made him be strong, be the father for his sons, that taught him how to live one day at a time, how to not struggle his problems, how not to die when everything was too hard.

How he’d live without her?

Why had she left him?

Why?

And then his eyes found a spot. A dark hole to focus on.

Roger.

He was the person that made everything, since the first moment he saw him, worse. He was always too close, too intimate, too...deep. Even when he didn’t want it, Roger was there. He had to stay at the country until their kids’ wedding come, he insisted John to play together and made him feel the flame burn inside of him, he insisted that John could participate in the new album.

Roger, Roger, fucking Roger Taylor.

He grabbed his phone and sent a text. He needed to know what he had done to his life.

John Deacon: Veronica left me. So thank you very much.

The brunet man stood up and walked to the kitchen. He needed to get drunk.

When he was getting back to the living room, a bottle of whiskey in hands, he saw a picture of himself, Veronica and their sons, smiling when they had gone to Disney. 

Fucking hell, their kids. How would he tell Joseph, Cameron and Luke about their fight? Tell them that they’d be no longer married? That he was the one to blame for destroying their family? John couldn’t even imagine his sons’ faces right now; they had always said how they saw him as someone without flaws, but they’d know he had lots of them. 

His stomach was burning. He didn’t mind, he needed to get numb. Three glasses and he was feeling dizzy.

John thought he should call Veronica, at least to know if she had arrived okay at wherever she’d spend the night, but now his hands were too heavy to reach the phone.

He was almost at the end of the bottle when someone knocked on the door. John looked at the door with hope. Maybe she got back, probably came back to her senses and would never leave him again.

John was already preparing his speech, ready to say sorry for her till the end of his days.

He opened the door, but it wasn’t Veronica.

“Fuck off.” John hissed, closing the door again.

But Roger held it with his hand, getting into the house. “What happened? Did you say to her about earlier?”

“‘What happened’ you ask?” John had fury on his face. “You happened, Roger! You reappeared and destroyed my life!”

“Hey, John, calm down.” Roger sniffed something and looked at him, worried. “Have you been drinking?”

John grabbed Roger by his hand and walked to his bedroom, bringing him together. “Let me show you what you have done to me.” 

“It’s four parted photo, mates.” Said the man, closing the curtain.

“What pose should we do?” asked Roger, in a hurry, to not lose the photo-timing.

“Maybe just smile?” risked John.

“You’re no fun.”

“Fuck off.” A weird sound got louder, indicating the first photo would be shot soon. The two men smiled to the camera.

Roger entered for the second time to John’s bedroom, and saw the closet door opened, some places empty, a couple of hangers in the bed. The blond blinked, a bit overloaded with what happened.

“Mate, I’m so sorry.” Said Roger.

“Ugh, save it!” John groaned. “That’s what you wanted all along, wasn’t it? I bet you’re thrilled when you knew I was you son’s father-in-law, so you could have an excuse to mess with me.”

“John, my life doesn’t gravitate around you. Don’t be so paranoid!”

“You wanted a revenge, didn’t you? Confess, you git!”

Roger was done with it. “Don’t responsibilize me for your failed marriage! It’s not my fault if you don’t love your wife!”

John closed his hand in a fist and made it travel with force to Roger. He didn’t have much experience, and his knuckles hurt when they found the drummer’s jawline. Both men yelled in pain, John holding his own hand, Roger massaging his face.

Some seconds with them both moaning and Roger laughed, grudgingly. “I guess we’re finally even.”

The brunet looked at him. That bastard.

“Who said earlier that this was a teen thing, hun?” teased Roger.

John was laughing now, and Roger appreciated his smile. The brunet was shy and didn’t show his teeth much, but right now he was smiling widely, his front teeth gap so close to the drummer’s view.

“It was fun. What should we do now? Maybe some funny faces?” John asked, turning his head to Roger.

The sound was getting louder again.

“Roger?” John was confused.

The drummer was looking to him, an intense glance on the blue eyes.

Shot. The second photo was taken.

Roger moved his jaw for some seconds. “Nothing is broken, so you’re forgiven, Deaky.” The drummer smiled, and whoever saw it knew that wasn’t an innocent smile.

“Watch it, or I’ll punch you again.” John said, but he could feel himself not believing his own statement.

“So punch it.” Roger stepped closer.

John didn’t like his tone and started to walk backwards, fearing his own actions, the drummer’s smile got bigger, and the brunet bumped with room door, his back against it.

Roger stopped in front of him, and he grabbed John’s hands, putting them at his own collar shirt. “Come on. If that’s what you really want, punch me, John.” Said Roger, confidently.

John’s mouth was dry. He was getting responses from three places on his body, each one saying a different thing. The loudest was the one at the bottom.

“Are you okay, Rog?” asked John, worried.

The strength of the blond’s stare was making him feel naked.

Roger got closer, and closer, and closer.

John’s green eyes were full of fear, anger, and a third element. Roger knew the last one, like an old friend.

“You don’t want to hurt me, Deaky. You want something else.” Smirked Roger.

The sound got louder again.

John felt the drummer’s hand cupping his face, and soft lips against his. Roger parted his lips and invested again, while the brunet kept with his eyes opened, still processing the fact that he’s bandmate was kissing him.

Shot. The third photo was taken.

Roger pulled away, scanning the brunet’s expression. His incredible long eyelashes batted.

John really hated that smile. He really hated Roger, with all his heart.

He grabbed the blond’s collar shirt and switched positions, now pining Roger against the door. 

John really wanted to take that stupid arrogance out of his face.

That stupid beautiful face.

John heard the sound getting louder for the last time. Roger was still looking at him, expectantly.

He wrapped his arms around Roger’s neck and pulled in again, gluing their lips again.

Shot.

John crashed his lips to Roger’s, making the drummer yelped in surprise.

Chapter Text

There was no delicacy or tenderness in their kiss, just the need to feel the taste that was only there when their lips were united. John took Roger’s lips with eagerness, like a thirsty man in the desert, and he pressed them against his until that was all that he could feel. His hands were still holding the drummer’s shirt, with more strength than he needed, his teeth biting his flesh with a sadistic desire.

Roger surprised him in every move, in each inch of skin and in each moan between kisses. A weak whimper was heard when John put a hand on his waist and squeezed it roughly. He was like a conquered land with new beauties in every ride, and this only made John want more and more. Since he was abstaining from that addiction for so long, the slightest of touches were intense for him.

John was enjoying the way Roger was grabbing his nape hair and how his tongue touched his own, but he couldn’t forget how he wanted to teach him a lesson. It didn’t matter if he shivered with the drummer’s soft fingertips, he’s still in charge. And he’s still pissed as hell.

The air was missing, and John pulled away, looking at Roger for a few  seconds. At his swollen, red lips, his desperate panting. His eyes were still scared from the unknown of John’s next move.

Grabbing at the drummer’s shirt once more, John shoved him on the bed. He threw the hangers on the floor, and made his way next to the blond. His hand was in Roger’s hair, and pulled it sorely. Roger gasped, his spine arching up above the mattress. John lied down, shifting in the sheets without dropping his grip, making Roger move to be on all fours, above the brunet man.

John pulled him closer to kiss him again, feeling all his body boiling with the moan Roger let out when he sucked his lip, investing so many times, losing himself around the pink flesh, strengthening the grip just for Roger to suffer a bit more.

In a sudden move John sat on the bed, Roger sitting on his lap, their lips still united, and the blond felt John’s hands leaving his hair and going to the buttons of his shirt, undoing them. The brunet man was almost opening his shirt entirely when Roger, with some difficulty to leave those lips, moved away.

“John, are you sure? Because you’re – ” Roger’s voice sounded concerned.

But the youngest man didn’t want to hear him. He finished with the drummer’s shirt. “Shut up, and take off these pants.”

“But –”

John took off his shirt, and Roger’s eyes widened at the view. Now he had puffy hair on his chest, his nipples dark and small. The blond wet his upper lip with his tongue. “Take these bloody pants off,” John demanded, deadly serious.

Roger, with shaking hands, was working on the button and zipper of his jeans, while John was doing the same with his own. Some sick pride was on the brunet’s chest seeing how nervous the other man looked.

Only in their pants, John gave himself a second or two to admire the blond’s body. Strong legs, slim belly, shaped chest, skinny neck. John, spontaneously, touched the drummer’s neck, and let his fingers travel way down, Roger staring it gaping – it wasn’t a caring touch. John wasn’t caring at all.

His hand crossed the fabric and closed around Roger’s cock, surprising him. Thick, just as John remembered.

Roger bit his own lip, his eyes closed, showing how he’s liking being on John’s hand, even though it wasn’t moving. But it was there. He knew John’s eyes were on him, so he moaned, without shame, and threw back his head.

“Open yourself up,” John said, his hands going to the boxers waistband and pulling it down.

There, Roger laid naked in front of him.

“Do it quickly, before I change my mind,” John shifted away, to rest his back on the headboard.

Roger got lost with the vision of John putting his cock out of the boxers and sliding his hand on its height. “I… Lube,” he said, without tearing his eyes away. His boxers were completely off now.

Without stopping his moves, John looked at his nightstand wardrobes, finding an almost empty bottle, and handed it to Roger. The image of the blond in front of him was getting him hard more than his hand ever could.

“Hurry,” alerted the brunet, when he saw Roger putting the lube in two fingers.

John’s hand found a good pace, giving a bit more of attention to the head to then touch all the extension of his cock. He heard the sound of his fist finding the basis, and the man’s mouth got dry when his thumb massaged the skin, putting more pressure on it.

The previous excitement made Roger shiver when he bent his arm over himself and opened his cheeks to finger himself. He introduced his two fingers at once, a groan with the pressure of having something inside him, that so good pressure. The blond took a breath before starting to move his fingers, still in a slow pace.

John felt hard to breath when he saw Roger pounding inside himself, the oldest man’s mouth open while he moved again and again. John’s own hand got faster after that, his cock pulsing around his fingers. He could see the blond spreading the cheeks for better access, he moved the hand to try new angles. It’s almost sinful the way Roger was biting his own lip.

The other man increased the pace, his arousal getting bigger when his fingers were deeper on his arse, holding himself to not fall on the bed, since his legs were getting weaker with each movement. As a final touch, Roger started to let out stuffy sounds of his mouth, his other hand on his mouth, biting his index finger. Opening up his own fingers, Roger was hit by a new wave of pleasure, feeling his hole pulsing around himself.

His body moved with the blond, and he tensed up when he circled his fingers inside his arousal, breathing heavily, his finger hanging on his teeth. It was a delicious pressure concentrating on his hips.

“Fuck,” Roger moaned. With a  noise of pleasured suffering, he whispered, “John...”

No, it’s not supposed to be like that. John shouldn’t be watching Roger getting himself off. It was supposed to be his fire back.

He should be fucking him. Hard. Making him cry out.

Not handling anymore, he threw his boxers somewhere at the bedroom and moved to glue their bodies together again. Roger only noticed when their cocks brushed slightly. “Lay down. Now,” John spoke, and Roger blinked, still too immersed on the fingering. “Don’t make me say twice.”

Roger took out his fingers and lied down, his blue eyes full of expectation. They had made it this far, but he’s still afraid. 

The brunet man saw his cock fully-hard, and forgot the essential. “Fuck,” he murmured, and looked around trying to remember if he had a condom at home. 

Feeling what’s going on, Roger reached his pants and caught his wallet, and grabbed a condom, “Here,” the man handed it to John.

The gesture just made John even more mad. He didn’t want to wonder why a married man had a condom in his wallet.

All his thoughts were gone while he put the condom and spread Roger’s legs. He saw his entrance, open and still wet because the lube.

There wasn’t any coherence crossing his mind. Just the flaming desire to tear Roger apart.

The brunet put his hand on Roger’s waist and, in a fast move, pushed into him. Roger couldn’t contain himself, closing his eyes and biting his lips, giving a long hum when he felt being filled, a pleasure provoked by John’s careless invasion. He knew John wouldn’t be soft and smooth, not now, not there. He’d be savage – this John wouldn’t show mercy. To be fair, Roger liked the lack of fear in John, thrusting into him in one go. His body felt a contraction with it.

John felt as if he was out of breath. It was warmer, tighter. It wasn't supposed to be this inebriating.

There was something fascinating with Roger trying to catch his breath after being filled up. He saw the drummer closing his eyes, a satisfied expression on his face.

That’s what he wanted all along, right?

He started to move, one hand holding on the edge of the bed and the other one rested at Roger’s belly, the blond grabbing his wrist after. The brunet’s body moved fast, his hip not giving space to slip, just pulling out pounding back in again, stronger each time. Pure physics: the friction that made sparkles and became electric waves inside them both. Roger’s legs open wide, giving him better access, and John shivered when the contact with the skin got more intense.

The drummer let out a suffering moan, so shameless and melodic, and John almost dared to do it too. Every thrust John made more sure he had that this was the best fitting, the one that made him see stars, and in each move Roger moaned more. Even the way the blond man’s chest rose up when he got more aroused was making John’s cock pulse. 

“Fuck, John, more!” begged Roger.

His voice was now more heavy and raw, but arousing either way.

Roger’s agaped mouth, or the way he curled his spine when John moved into him, or even the throbbing of his hole, everything was making John do it again. He felt the bed trembling with the force he’s using to pound into Roger, the sound of flesh on flesh driving him crazy. The drummer was moving his head, pointing his chin up, making John want to put his teeth on it.

In a moment, John stopped to brush their arousals together, Roger’s hole tightening around the brunet man’s cock, and the drummer’s name almost got out of his mouth, but he contained himself. John’s hands held his waist stronger, aggressively fucking him, and the drummer responded with more sounds, a wordless begging for more.

The heat was radiating off their bodies, and John saw Roger’s face sweating, his hair getting more and more damp. He leaned down, lying above Roger’s body, and the drummer just wrapped his legs around John, and the brunet sped up, sliding faster. In a very hard thrust he heard Roger crying out, and he felt his cock finding the man’s prostate. The brunet man gasped with it.

“Fuck, right there!” shouted Roger.

His hand was still on the drummer’s neck, holding tight, but this didn’t make him stop shouting with pleasure. John started to move his hips in sync with Roger, and the spot was hit again, his shout getting louder, and John couldn’t hide his smirk. Against his belly John could sense Roger’s own hardness, untouchable.

John cursed when a strong arousal crossed his body, not losing his pace, and hitting harder against the drummer. He moved Roger’s leg, winding up the other man, and he saw a quick shock run over the blond’s body.

“Oh, John!” Roger chanted.

John thrusted harder and faster than before, Roger’s moans motivating him. It was impossible not to feel the blood travelling in his veins, the sweat running down his body, and even as the air was getting thin, he wouldn’t stop. Every time he got into the drummer the desire renewed, after seeing Roger’s face full of want. John’s hips now moved according to Roger's sounds, and with every movement he felt himself getting closer to the apex.

He stretched his arms up, to see Roger better, and he couldn’t be more proud to see the mess he was. The head of his cock was with precum, licking on his belly, mixing with sweat, and all his body was shivering with John hitting his spot with no stop. Roger was getting more sensitive in any minute, and even with his eyes closed he could feel John’s eyes on him.

John now couldn’t detain his own moans, a feeling on his underbelly getting higher and higher and the burning on his skin hotter. He pounded into Roger faster, the sounds of satisfaction the only things that matter, a small tear appearing in the corner of the blond’s eye. John moved his hips even more, connecting entirely with Roger.

Getting high with the building feeling, John fucked Roger as fast as he could, running through his pleasure. Roger was almost there too, his feet curling up and his voice getting as peachy as ever. The sound of their skins meeting each other got louder, and John could feel Roger  contracting around him.

“Do it before me, or you won’t have it,” John warned, having difficulty forming the words.

The man hit Roger’s sweet spot, each time stronger than before, Roger cursing with every thrust, and with some moments he heard the drummer crying out his name, rolling his eyes back. His cock splashed cum over his own belly, his body tensing and trembling for a few seconds, and then resting on the bed again. His mouth was open, catching some air.

A grotesque sound got out of John, his neck veins popping in the moment he got on the pique, coming hard inside Roger. He felt the condom getting filled by his cum, and he kept thrusting on Roger until he didn’t have more to give. His eyes got brighter, and for some seconds he didn’t have more strength to make any sound, his breathing failing.

He let himself fall above Roger’s body, didn’t minding the mess. John could be wrong, but he didn’t feel an orgasm this hard in...

Well, in twenty-two years.

John felt sweaty hair brush against his cheek. 

“Fuck,” Roger spoke, his voice light.

Fuck.

Indeed.

Chapter Text

John heard the sound getting louder for the last time. Roger was still looking at him, expecting.

He wrapped his arms around Roger’s neck and pulled in again, gluing his lips again.

Shot.

John let his hand grasp softly the drummer’s hair, and he was parting his lips for the kiss.

The curtain got open, and the man said without putting his head inside “Time’s out, mates.”

They jumped and pulled away from each other, blinking nervously. Without thinking John stood up and walked out to the cabin, Roger taking the photo and the teddy bear and doing the same.

Walking to the park exit, both men were silent, without knowing what to say. Even with all the problems in that equation, the only thing they could think was how good those quick pecks were. Imagine if they weren’t quick...

Already outside, Roger turned to John. “Look, I –”

“Could you drive me home?” John asked, without thinking much.

His heart was beating fast, and Roger replied “Okay.”

The drive to John’s flat was also without talk, maybe each one with fear to say something that could make the other or themselves to regret what they’d do next. The only sound inside the car was the radio, with Roxette singing Listen To Your Heart.

Stopping the car in front of John’s building, the bass player got out of the car, biting his own lip. 

“Do you want to go upstairs with me?”

“Can I go upstairs with you?”

They both spoke at the same time and giggled with it. Roger got out of the car and walked next to John. A shy smile appeared at John’s lips, and Roger was holding himself.

A tension was building with each step they took up the stairs, and John could feel his hands shaking. He tried to play it cool when he grabbed the keys to open his flat front door.

They got inside the flat and John closed the door, locking them in. When he turned to the blond Roger was looking to the floor, his hands on his jeans pockets.

“ So,” John spoke, gaining the oldest man’s attention.

Roger looked up, and behind the blush on John’s cheeks he could see that he wanted that. So he took some steps forward, until he got in front of the brunet.

“So,” Roger smirked, and cupped John’s cheek.

He leaned in, until their lips found again. John put his hands on his face too, caressing gently when he opened his mouth. Roger deepened the kiss, finding moreover John, who hummed contentedly when the drummer sucked his upper lip. The desire was felt while Roger sucked over and over, aching the youngest man’s lips. But he didn’t ask him to stop.

Putting his hands on the blond’s waist, John pulled his body closer, chest against chest, hip against hip, and he moved his face to invest again on Roger, the tongues finally touching each other, and Roger shivered when the bassist’s tongue brushed on his palate.

John squeezed the drummer’s waist and his hand ran to his arse, touching it on Roger’s jeans. This made the blond laugh during the kiss. “Eager, aren’t you?” teased Roger, looking to John.

The bass player blinked, thinking he overstepped. “Uh, sorry… Should I sto– ” but before he could finish Roger smirked and kissed him again, and move his hips forward, brushing on John’s.

He whimpered against Roger lips, and glued his mouth even more, enjoying the friction of their hips, feeling himself slowly getting hard on his jeans. He gripped Roger’s bum, and bit the blond’s upper lip, his teeth torturing Roger by pushing the flesh with want. With that Roger pressed his hips on the brunet again, harder.

They kept like that for several minutes, grinding against each other, tasting how delicious the kiss was, taking quick breaks to breath, but their hands never leaving the other’s body. Roger was a master of moaning in the sexiest way, his high voice turning on John, and the brunet liked to squeeze the drummer, learning where the weak spots on him, getting a good response when he pulled Roger’s hair.

After a very long noise from the blond, John pulled away. His pink lips were now more vivid, brushed after their action. Only that made him pulse on his trousers.

“Should we go to the bed?” asked Roger, touching John’s jawline.

“Do you… Do you want to?” John blinked shyly.

“I asked, didn’t I?” giggled the blond. And getting closer, he wet his own lips and whispered. “I always wondered how you are on the mattress, Deaky.”

John grabbed his hand and walked fast to the bedroom, going to the bed with no time.

When they sat in the bed they got back to their lips, with more desire, attacking each other’s mouths with excitement. Roger pulled away just to take off his shirt and John’s after, and crawled to his lap, kissing him again.

The kiss got heated when Roger started to grind on his lap, brushing his arse against John, when the bass player gasped with it. Was the room getting warmer, or it was just him? Roger seemed to know what he was doing, and just to tease even more he was now moving slowly, rubbing their parts together. John forgot how to think properly, because he only cared about the wonderful feeling that was growing and staying between his legs.

Roger stopped the kiss to plant love bites all over John’s neck, the brunet closing his eyes and moving his head to give him more room. At some point his tongue touched the skin, running until his lobe, where the drummer started to kiss behind the ear. “I need you to finger me, Deaky.”

With that, John’s eyes open up quickly, getting nervous in a second. “I… What?”

The blond looked at him again, and seemed amused with his behavior. “What, are you not thinking of shoving it into me, aren’t you?”

“But...” John cleared his throat. He’s still thinking that was all a dellirium. “Do you want me… to fuck you?”

With devious blue eyes, Roger stared at him, biting his own upper lip and nodded.

The drummer moved away from John’s lap, so he could take off his trousers, and John stood up off the bed, doing the same. The bass player was now only in his underwear, and he saw Roger having trouble taking off his jeans. He put his hand on Roger’s chest, gaining the drummer’s attention, and pushed him to lay down on the mattress, and the blond didn’t try to resist it.

John pulled down Roger’s jeans, revealing the drummer’s skinny legs, which he always had shame of. The bass player never understood; his first thought when he saw Roger without trousers for the first time was to wonder how smooth those pairs of legs must be. When the jeans were on the floor, John smiled at the other man and let his hand touch the blond’s calf, running up his leg, using some pressure on his touch, and when he found Roger’s inner thigh he squeezed, making him squirm with it.

“Touch yourself. I need to find –” John started, but before he finished Roger put down his underwear, revealing his cock, holding it.

John’s mouth got watered at the sight. Roger’s cock was an average size, but it was thick; he could understand why women were crazy for him.

“John,” Roger smirked at him, liking the audience, and started to move his hand. John wasn’t blinking, mesmerized with the up-and-down of Roger’s hand, seeing the soft cock hardening with the handjob. “You were going to find lube, right?”

The drummer’s words made John wake up, and he nodded. “Right.” He ran to the bathroom, almost sure it was there. Roger moaned softly, making John more anxious to find it.

With lube in hands, the bassist got back and found Roger completely without pants, eyes closed with the intensity of the arousal. His legs were spread, and he moved his hips according to the movements of his own hand. The brunet never had someone that pretty on his bed. John’s cock was begging for freedom, because he’s too hard inside of his pants.

Taking off his pants, John walked to Roger, and rested a hand on Roger’s thigh. This made Roger open his eyes, and his smile fell when he saw that John was completely naked. He couldn’t believe the shy bassist of his band had a large cock. He had the mind to suck it next time they did this.

Roger didn’t even realize that he wanted a next time – even when he even didn’t start the first one.

“Hi there,” John gave a more naughty smile, and he opened the lube, putting some amount on a finger. Roger gave space for John to sit in the bed, between his legs. John could see a pink and tight hole, and after looking at it he glanced at Roger. “Are you ready?”

The drummer nodded. 

John leaned in and kissed Roger’s thigh, in the same moment he brushed his fingertips on the blond’s hole, touching the entrance. He could feel Roger shivering, the brunet smirking while giving light kisses, small whimpers coming out while John kept teasing him.

After some bites on his thigh, John kept moving his fingertips in circles on the entrance, Roger groaned. “John, care to go forward?”

“Someone is impatient,” John smiled too innocently for someone who’s about to finger his own bandmate.

“Do you blame me?” 

John couldn’t wait any longer, so he held on Roger’s waist and put one finger inside Roger. The man shouted with the feeling, closing his eyes. When the finger was entirely in him, he gasped, breathing heavily.

“You’re okay?” Asked John, worried.

“Give me a minute,” Roger said.

The bass player didn’t move, watching the blond breathing on the bed. He’s getting calmer with each exhale, and to help him to calm down John gave kisses on Roger’s underbelly.

Roger felt something funny on his stomach.

Opening his eyes, the drummer looked to John, who’s still expecting him. “You can move.”

John started to pump into him, in slow moves, waiting for any signs of discomfort in the blond’s face. To be fair, he was waiting for anything to take him out of this dream, because it was still surreal for the brunet that Roger was letting finger him, and he’s the person who’s lied naked in front of him.

Only when Roger gave more enthusiastic responses did John speed up, his finger getting into the drummer fast. John saw him biting his lip, holding his own sounds, and he said “Rog, don’t do that. Let me hear you.”

“Oh, fuck,” cried Roger, moving his hips forward, to feel the bass player’s finger even more into him.

“Yeah, keep doing that,” John said, smirking.

John put again his finger inside the drummer and curled it up, making Roger moan louder, and he repeated the moviment a few times, seeing him squirming with it. That was a pretty view, and looking how he’s making the blond feel good his blood was going south, activating his cock again.

He didn’t even know about himself, but the bass player was a biter, and started to bite all over Roger’s belly and chest, as far as his mouth could reach, without leaving marks. The drummer was replying with small noises that sounded just like the brunet’s name, and in a bite close to his nipple Roger curled his head, groaning. 

“Give me more, Deaky,” begged Roger.

John conceded and added a second finger, and Roger jumped from the feeling. The bass player’s mouth was around his ribs and he gave wet kisses, and he felt when the drummer grabbed his hair, gripping strongly every time he invested into him. His fingers were feeling the muscle pulsing around them, and the waiting was torturing John, but he needed to prepare him properly.

Roger shivered again when he felt John’s teeth on his waist, tempting him. His cock was harder than ever, and everytime the brunet’s fingers moved inside him he was more sure he wanted that. He moaned again – a ridiculous and shameful sound – when John opened him up, feeling like fire on his insides. It was still scary for the blond how daft the youngest man was, and how Roger would let him do anything with him.

What the drummer didn’t expect to feel was John sinking his mouth on his cock, humming like he was tasting him. Roger’s legs were shaking, and John used that moment to open them more, and invest more quickly with his fingers. Roger never felt something like that…What the hell was John Deacon doing to him?

He grabbed tightly onto the bassist’s hair, seconds before he shot his cum on his mouth. Roger couldn’t see anything for a few seconds, and he lost his breath. It was fucking amazing, and after some moments without moving, his head still in the clouds, the drummer just realized it was too fast.

Too fucking fast.

He opened his eyes, scared, and looked to John, ready to apologize, but he saw John cleaning with his thumb a trail that left his mouth and licking it. The brunet looked back at him, and smiled. “That was so hot, Roger.”

“Now it’s your turn,” Roger’s legs were working again, so he crawled and kissed John, who noticed a weird and new taste on his tongue, that he only could assume that was his own.

He moved to put John laying his back on the mattress, the drummer above him on all fours, and he delicately touched his hair.

John didn’t know how to think for two seconds when those soft fingers were touching him.

“I’ll ride you, if that’s okay,” Roger whispered, his voice too smooth for the subject matter at hand.

“More than okay,” John quickly nodded, the thought making his cock hard a bit.

Roger took the lube and put a good amount on his hand, and then, while his lips on John’s, he held the bass player’s cock, sliding his hand to spread the lube on it. John groaned during it, his sounds dying on his throat, Roger’s tongue against his own. The drummer could make everything sensual: moving his hips according to his hand’s movements, humming together with John, and even biting John’s lip when he moved away.

“It’s the moment to say if you still want this,” the drummer teased, his ass cheeks grinding against John’s full-hard cock.

“Do I look like I don’t want to?” John raised an eyebrow. Roger laughed quickly.

“Just to check.”

John watched, ablazed, at Roger moving his hips up until he found the head of the cock. The brunet held his waist when he slowly sank on him. The feeling was stronger than before, and John only could think how warm and good it felt.

When he was totally inside Roger, he looked to the blond, seeing him biting his own lip, taking his time, and that was the most beautiful thing he saw in his life until that moment. He was holding himself to not move, because he didn’t want to rush things, but...he wanted to feel Rogger lapping on him.

There was pain, maybe because John’s thickness, maybe because his ass was wide open, but Roger was also sensing a warm feeling, a painful pleasure, and he was just giving a moment of two to recompose himself – he didn’t want to ruin the night because he was too thirsty.

John was ready to beg for Roger to move when the blond started to thrust on him, slowly, testing the waters. The first reaction of John was to let out a long hum and hold tightly onto his waist, staring at Roger moving on his own rhythm, having full control of the moment.

Probably was why he chose that position, and the brunet was more sure when he saw a smirk on the drummer’s lips and he put his hands on John’s chest and moved faster, lapping on him in a better angle. He moaned when he found a good pace, feeling a wave of pleasure. Eyeing John, seeing he’s with an open mouth, not being able to vocalize anything. That was the moment to make the bass player feel good just as he made him minutes ago, so Roger pounded on him deeper, and he felt John shivering under him, his body contracting his muscles.

That arousal was so great, and John wanted more, so he held on Roger and kept moving him, helping the drummer to ride him, his hip going in the contrary way. That movement was quite tricky, but as a band rhythm section, they knew how to work with coordination and tempo, and with no time they were in sync. That friction was making his cock hit Roger’s prostate, brushing strongly inside him, and after some moments Roger was calling his name, crying out.

John liked – too much – to hear his name on Roger’s mouth.

It was a pretty vision seeing Roger riding on his lap with desire, oscillating between gasps and groans, sometimes his fingers gripping too tightly on John’s chest, his precum leaking on John’s belly. John could feel get more aroused in each minute, the silk skin of the drummer against his own.

Roger threw himself back, now holding on John’s thighs, moving away from him, and curling his spine. And then he restarted the moviments, now giving to John the vision of his cock getting in and out inside of him. This was more hot that John imagined, and he whispered “Holy fuck.”

“You’re not as bad yourself, Deaky,” Roger joked.

The brunet looked at  him, seeing that damned smile on his face. That fucker.

Not containing himself, John held on Roger and pushed himself to sit without getting out of him. Their chests touched again, and he could feel Roger’s cock against their bellies.

They kissed, and just now they realized how sweaty they were, the kiss mixing saliva and sweat, but they didn’t move away, their tongues starved for action, hungry for each other. Now they were actually united, they felt more hunger than before, they could sense each bite, trying to drive the other crazier, a little battle when everyone would win.

John moved his hips again, grinding inside Roger, getting fast in a second, and he moved his lips to Roger’s shoulder, letting himself hear the drummer’s delicious sounds. With one arm Roger was embracing John’s back and with the other he was grabbing his dark hair like his life depends on it. The brunet wanted to kiss everywhere, any place his mouth could reach, because right now he could die happily thanks to Roger; he never had a better lay, so responsive and turning-on. If he wasn’t already fully hard he could be with the blond moaning with no stop on his ear, his pinky lips brushing on it.

He already imagined how the drummer was in bed, but he thought Roger was the one who made his partner a machine of moans, not the contrary. But after tonight, he couldn’t imagine it any  other way.

John didn’t imagine he wouldn’t go this far, not since he felt how warm Roger was, and he was trying too hard to not come so quickly. That known tickling on his feet was growing, but he needed to make it last a bit more.

He was grinding against Roger, and his hands traveled to the drummer’s arse cheeks, squeezed when he moved a bit faster, his middle finger brushing between the cheeks in every move he made. He blond couldn’t know what’s more aroused for him, the cock on his ass or John’s devious hands, that knew where to touch him. Roger couldn’t handle himself and said, “Hell, you’re so big and delicious. Why are you like that?”

That made John’s hair at his nape prick up with interest.

His lips found Roger's neck and he let his mouth fall open on it, sucking slowly, in the same moment he decided to slow down his motions, thrusting Roger against himself smoothly. “Roger, this is so good, fuck,” groaned John, and he kissed Roger one more time. “You’re so good.”

“You’re such a teaser, John,” Roger said, his voice raw and thick. “Stop the bullshit and fuck me like you mean it.”

John looked at Roger after that, an intense glance because these words made his cock pulse. The drummer pulled the other man’s hair, and he moved his hips up so he could kiss John’s lips. He deepened the kiss and grabbed harder, making John whimper on his mouth. Holding himself on the bassist’s shoulder, Roger sinked himself down on his lap, doing the moviment again and again.

“Just like that, Deaky,” Roger said, leaving his lips for a few seconds.

Taking control again, John held on Roger’s waist and started to lift him up and down, letting gravity help him. He could feel the head of his cock hitting Roger’s spot again. Soon he was crying out one more time, but John didn’t stop. “Like that?” his voice was full of confidence.

“Fuck, yes!”

Finding strength when he thought he didn’t any more, John kept lifting the blond, pounding into him deeper. Roger’s moans were now higher than before; the way he’s saying his name was different and new. John wanted to see him losing his mind, so he stayed in that pace, feeling the muscle tightening up more often. This made him want it even more, and he didn’t stop. His breath was getting thin, and he could feel his own body saying he’s close.

“John, fuck, I’m...” Roger was almost sobbing, slightly trembling. “I’m almost...Fuck!” he moaned louder when John pulled him down.

It was hard to concentrate when Roger was cursing in his ear, but John kept moving him up and down, as deep as he could, the feeling on his underbelly growing and growing, his body getting tensed, and he started to whisper, “Come now… Come for me, Rog.”

With a last and strong hit, Roger let out a long moan, his cum dirting both of them. A tired smile rose up, the blond feeling so high right now.

John lied him on bed and bumped a bit more inside him, blue eyes staring at him in silence. Somehow that was an extreme turn on to him, knowing who’s the owner of those pairs of eyes. Moments later, with Roger humming, he could reach his own orgasm. If they both weren’t too light-headed they could register that John called the drummer’s name in that moment.

It was too difficult to stay in that position right now, so John pulled out, Roger moaned relieved, and the brunet rested next to the blond. He was still trying to catch his breath, and they should at least take a bath before the bed was full of cum, but right now they were too lazy to move.

“Fuck, Deaky. That was amazing,” Roger spoke first.

John moved his face to look at him, his mouth still dry, trying to breathe normally again. He just nodded enthusiastically, unable to speak. Roger laughed.

“You seemed very… familiar with the whole process, I must say.” Roger wouldn’t judge him, but he was curious.

John bit his own lip, blushing. “I found a girl or two that liked it,” John murmured.

Roger rolled his eyes. Shy John was back again. “Please, no need to be like that with me, Deaky. You already had me,” Roger got closer, smirking, holding the brunet’s chin between his thumb and index finger. “Had me damn good.”

John looked to his lips, still so desirable, and wet his own lips. “What about you? Because you wouldn’t ride if it was your first time.”

“Well...” Roger let out a yawn. “Remember my ex girlfriend Sarina? She’s into some things like that, and I said ‘why not?’, because we only live once.”

“Very forward,” John laughed, trying to not imagine the scene, because he wouldn’t want to get a hard-on again.

They let a silence settle between them, both immersing on their own thoughts. It was a good lay, they couldn’t deny that, and they wouldn’t say no for a second, third, fourth… 

But what could happen after that?

“Rog,” John restarted, and caught the blond’s attention. “Should we say this to Freddie and Brian? I mean, they would hate it if they didn’t find out for us.”

Roger lingered a few seconds to answer him.

“Deaky. We don’t need to say,” Roger seemed chill. “We had a good time, and I’m down if you want to do it again, but I don’t feel the need to talk about it to them. They don’t have to know every detail of my life.”

John nodded. Of course he’s right. “And Brian probably would lecture us on how this will break up the band,” the bass player said.

“And Freddie would ask a bunch of questions, that rotter,” giggled the blond. “Who was the top? What were the positions? The shape of the cocks. Oh my god, don’t make me!” he threatrically shivered, and he moved to John, being on all fours above him. “But… Do you want to?” he asked, intrigued.

John thought it was the right thing to do… But Roger was right, they didn’t have to.

“Do you think we can hide this?” John leaned his face closer to Roger.

Roger liked the way John held his breath when he brushed their lips together. A mischievous smile appeared.

“If you don’t tease me during rehearsals, I think we can,” the drummer whispered.

John glued their lips together again  and gave him a long peck. “And where would be the fun in that?”

Roger should know at that moment he was walking on thin ice, but he never was a good listener.

“I think we should take a bath,” Roger said pointedly.

“Thankfully, my bath is big enough to fit both of us.”

Chapter Text

Brian came with the idea to add a guitar solo during the gigs, since people started to compliment his performance too much. The other three bandmates couldn’t handle him bragging about it anymore, but Roger thought that this would be nice in some way, so he encouraged his friend to create a ten minute long guitar solo, who – of course – adored the idea, and a week after he showed with the solo, ready to play it in the next gig.

John didn’t understand why Roger gave the guitar player this idea until the gig, when Brian started to play and Roger moved away to the drums and silently called him. The brunet got confused, but followed him anyway, seeing Freddie passing next to him, saying he needed some water for his vocal cords. The brunet kept walking until the room the pub owner let them use as a backstage room. He could hear people enjoying Brian’s solo.

“What –” John started to ask, but Roger cut him holding his wrist and pushing them to the bathroom.

Roger locked them up and pushed John against the door. He had a devious smile and whispered “What a best way to spend Brian’s solo than sucking you off?” 

The drummer unbuttoned John’s trousers and unzipped it, put it down. He went down on his knees and pulled down his pants.

John could be nervous at first, imagining someone knowing what they’re doing there, but all those thoughts went away when Roger’s mouth found his cock, his wet tongue moving slyly against his skin, looking he’s enjoying pleasing him. The bass player was holding his moans so hard, and he could sense Roger was doing all he could to break him.

He’s holding himself on the door, while the drummer was bobbing his head with energy, putting all his height on the mouth, sucking slowly and deep. All that John could do was shiver, feeling his body on the other’s mercy, trying to not lose the strength on his legs. But it’s difficult, because Roger was doing magic with his lips, humming lowly during his own motions.

A note at Brian’s solo came to John’s ears, indicating they should go back soon to the stage, and maybe Roger noted that too, because he worshipped faster with his mouth, deepening his moviments, and John had to muffle his mouth, because he could let out a moan any time. Roger moved again and again, his saliva so warm, his tongue playful and loose, and at some point the brunet man gave up and loaded on his mouth.

He found a small towel next to him and dry his forehead and neck, and watched Roger just swallowing his cum, and that was making him want more than a blowjob.

“Should we make this a thing during Brian’s solos?” asked Roger, getting up again, still pretty close on him.

“I thought you wanted to be cautious,” commented John while he pulled up his trousers.

“Like this didn’t turn you on,” Roger smiled shamelessly, and took out an eyeliner from his pocket, opening it up and brushing it against John’s eyelid. The bass player just mutely questioned him, and he said “We need an excuse.”

And they kissed, heated and uncaring, John holding Roger close and sucking his lips with a need that he didn’t know where he came from.

Moments later they heard Freddie calling them. They unlocked the door and got out. Freddie looked at them with suspicious eyes.

“What were you two doing in there?” asked the main singer.

“Deaky asked me to refresh his make-up,” Roger’s tone was so casual that even John would believe him.

Freddie got a bit closer and looked at John’s make-up. “Next time ask me, dear, because Roger is horrible at this. Let’s go.”

Roger turned to John and mouthed “A new thing.”

John held a laugh. He couldn’t say no to that.

--- 

After the tenth time Roger and John gave some excuse to go out of the rehearsal together or to lock themselves in a room or even to stay at each other’s flat, Freddie started to wonder what the hell the two younger men were doing. Sometimes helping the other to study for some exam (when John and Roger had pretty different majors), sometimes Roger asked for some advice (always in closed doors), sometimes John needed a hand for fixing his car (while he’s very good at it).

So far Brian couldn’t care less about that, but Freddie started to analyze them. They were best friends, they couldn’t hide secrets in his band! 

He could see John smiling more and Roger whispering in a low tone with the bass player, but they’re always close, but now… something was different.

But then, on John's birthday, Freddie wanted to make his friend a surprise. He made a cake and called Brian to surprise him at his flat. He tried to contact Roger, but he didn’t find the blond. And knowing the bass player never locked his front door, the surprise would be bigger.

The two men got into the flat and put the cake and the beers at the living room table. “He’s probably still sleeping,” said Freddie.

“I still think it’s wrong to come to this flat without him knowing,” commented Brian, a bit uncomfortable.

“It’s a surprise, Brian. Him not knowing is the whole point!” Freddie rolled his eyes. “How about we wake him up? He will die!”

“Scared, of course.”

“Fuck off, Bri.”

They walked carefully to the hall until John’s room, so they couldn’t be heard. A long yawn was heard inside the room, and after that some giggles. Freddie thought it’d be fun to make a surprise party for his friend, but he didn’t really think of how he should enter his bedroom without giving him a heart attack.

Brian was right, but he wouldn’t give him this satisfaction.

Just when Freddie was about to ask Brian what they should do now, they heard John screaming “Fuck! Fuck!”

Freddie and Brian looked to each other. The first thing that crossed their minds was that John was choking on something and was desperate. They should help the bass player, so they opened the door in the next second.

But, of course, they were wrong.

John was on his knees on the mattress, completely naked, holding himself on the headboard, while someone was holding on his thighs, their mouth on his ass, greedily licking him up. The brunet was moaning with no shame, and in a second look Freddie and Brian knew that pair of skinny legs spreaded at the bed.

“Jesus Christ!” shouted Brian, walking backwards.

“My eyes!” yelled Freddie.

Roger and John looked to where the other two were and widened their eyes, frightened.

“Oh my god!” exclaimed John.

Freddie and Brian closed the door again and ran to the living room. They couldn’t form words, but every time they looked at each other they relived the scene they just saw. They were going to get sick.

“I wish I could go back to the moment I didn’t see that,” Brian was trembling, and groaned after. “Hell, everytime I blink my eyes I see them on the bed!”

“They were fucking without telling us, what the hell!” Freddie was outraged. He’s gay, they should feel comfortable to talk about that with him, not hiding themselves.

The bedroom door was opened again and the singer and guitar player saw John and Roger getting out, blushing hard, John hearing a pijamas and Roger only with shorts. 

“Look, we can explain,” started John.

“Well, you don’t need to. What we saw there was pretty self explanatory,” Brian shook his head, still astonished.

“We didn’t think you should know, since it’s… you know… sex.” 

Freddie blinked. “Just sex? Aren’t you two dating?”

John and Roger looked to each other. Maybe they stared at each other a second or two more than necessary.

“No, we’re not,” Roger answered.

“I can’t believe you, Meddows! I asked you to not fuck anyone important to me!”

“He’s not your relative!” Roger didn’t understand.

“He’s my bandmate and friend! He’s important as well!”

“Yes, Rog, he’s your mate,” agreed Brian.

Roger felt weird hearing them saying that John was his ‘mate’.

John thought about it for a moment. He’d be lying if he said he never wondered what he and Roger were. Yes, they were bandmates and friends, they had great sex together, but… what else? Obviously he never had the heart to speak out loud with the blond about it, because this could complicate things, and so far everything was great.

Life was good. College was great, the band was having gigs almost every weekend, he had good friends, and now he could get off now and then. Why mess things up?

His eyes focused on a cake that was on his center table. “Did you make me a cake?” John asked, a bit moved with the gesture.

“Of course, it’s your birthday,” Freddie said, reluctantly.

“That’s why we came here, to give you a surprise.”

“We tried to call Roger, but he was… out of reach.” Brian was ashamed.

Roger clapped, trying to change the mood. “The cake looks delicious. Should we eat it now? I’m starving.”

“WE GET IT, ROGER! YOU WERE HAVING SEX!” Freddie wasn’t happy.

--- 

Roger found a quiet street next to John’s flat. The brunet said he had a big test tomorrow, so he couldn’t stay up all night – which always happened when Roger stayed at his flat – but the drummer was whining about not having ‘a piece of Deaky’ for a week, so he wanted at least a quickie.

The space in the car was short, but Roger made it work, holding John’s legs while he pounding inside him, in an angle to fuck him deep. They could feel the whole vehicle shaking with their moves, and everyone that was outside could know what they were doing, but they didn’t mind.

John tried to be bottom a few times, and he was enjoying it. The way Roger looked at him when he was inside of him, a thirsty lust on his blue eyes, his thickness around him, the need in every move, everything made him John get more addicted to it.

The drummer knew John never was a very vocal person, especially in sex, but he knew how to show he’s liking it: he liked to bite his lower lip, incrising the action everytime Roger did something right; the brunet wided his mouth when he’s almost there, the veins of his neck popping up; and he rolled his eyes when the blond found his prostate, filling Roger’s chest of pride.

That’s what is happening right now. Roger was insistently hitting his sweet spot, making the brunet arching his back on the leather seats, and he didn’t stop until John came, his body tensing up for a few seconds. Roger came a bit after him.

John moved a inch so Roger could fit between the seat back and him. He let Roger play with his hair, curling a strain with his index finger.

“Smart thought of putting a condom on me too. I’d totally mess your car,” John laughed, taking off the condom of his – now soft – cock and wrapping it up.

“I’m smart, you know,” Roger teased.

John nodded, moving his face up so he could reach Roger’s lips, kissing him quickly. “I know you are. That’s why I don’t get why you don’t want to try a career in Biology.”

Roger kissed him back. “Because,” One more peck. “I don’t want to. Besides I know Queen will be famous, so there’s no need to have a plan B.”

The brunet looked at him, admiring his security about the future. Indeed, Roger Taylor was meant to be a star, John never doubted that.

“And I’m sure of that just as I’m sure you will score this test tomorrow,” smiled Roger, seeing John blushing; the brunet never was good with compliments, and Roger found amusing to see his cheeks getting red in a second. “I see you studying for this in weeks, Deaky, and you’re very smart. Sometimes smarter than Brian.”

“Don’t let him hear this,” joked the bassist, and they laughed.

The bassist leaned on him one more time and kissed him, cupping with delicacy his cheeks, gluing their lips and making their bodies met again. Their skins were still exposed, so they felt the friction of flesh against flesh, shivering with the cold night and themselves. John stayed a bit longer and hummed before moving away.

Roger blinked, agaped. “What was that for?”

John didn’t know either, he just wanted to do it. “Why? Can’t I kiss you?”

“I’ll never deny you that,” Roger bit his lip, getting closer again. “Do you want another round?”

“You never rest, Roger!” laughed the brunet, pushing him away and grabbing his clothes, to put them on again. “But I need to sleep.”

They dressed up again and Roger started his car again, just to drive his John in front of his building. The drummer reminded the other they had a rehearsal tomorrow, and then they would go see a movie, John just nodded.

When they were outside they never shared a goodbye kiss, so John just smiled at Roger and said ‘good night’, getting out of the car. Roger waited as the brunet reached the building front door, as always, and John smiled and waved to him before going inside. 

The drummer felt a funny thing on his chest, but he ignored and restarted his car.

--- 

J ohn couldn’t believe he was buying a snack for Roger just to apologize to him. The blond was mad at him since he saw the ‘Misfire’ lyrics.

It wasn’t even a real song. John never was a songwriter, but one night he was writing down some words and when he saw he already had some sentences, and he played with his bass, creating a tune. But he would never show to Freddie or Brian, and especially not to Roger.

Because it was about their first night together, and the… misfire situation. John liked very much at the time, and maybe the whole point was to put out how amazing it was that night.

He didn’t hide the paper well and one day Roger was at John's flat and found the lyrics, and when he got the meaning of it, he yelled with John, saying he felt humiliated, and was until that moment without talking with him.

So, John thought that maybe a candy bar could improve his mood, and he knew how much he liked Drifter.

The stupid informations he retained because they’re together almost every day.

Getting back to his flat, Roger was still on the couch, watching some commercials, and he even watched at him when the brunet sat next to him.

“Hey, Rog. I bought you something,” John showed the candy bar, with an apologetic smile.

Roger looked tempted to the Drifter, but then he shook his head and glanced away. “Are you trying to bribe me, John?”

“Roger, look, I’m sorry. I swear to you that I’d never show that to anyone. It was just some lyrics,” John touched his arm, carefully.

John didn’t like that. When they were together it was fine, they had a good time, in and outside the bed. Roger always was a good company, to joke around or to just enjoy themselves. Seeing him being cold was something weird for him, and the brunet wanted to solve this so they could go back to normal.

The urge on this was making John feel strange.

“John, I’d never write about us like that. Anyone that reads this will know you’re talking about someone that came too soon,” Roger said, his tone still accusatory.

“But no one would know it’s about you!” John tried to be reasonable.

“Well, I would!”

“Rog, please,” John took his hand. “I promise, Freddie and Brian will never know about this song. If you want to, you can set it on fire right now.”

A devious smile showed on the drummer’s face. Maybe he liked the idea.

Without saying anything he grabbed the candy bar, opened it and took a bite. John accepted it as his answer.

Someone knocked at the flat door. “I hope you two are decently dressed.” They heard Freddie’s voice.

Roger rolled his eyes and John laughed. “We are.”

Freddie opened the door, showing himself and Brian, they two smiling to the youngest men. “Then chop chop, my friend said that he wanted to see us perform before so we could contract us for his birthday,” Freddie clapped his hands.

“Now we’re playing at birthday parties,” Roger snorted. “Next stop is children parties.”

Brian looked to the table and grabbed a paper. “John, are you writing songs? I thought you weren't into it.”

Roger and John looked at each other, terrified, and Freddie smiled and shifted closer to the guitar player, taking a look at the paper too. And the Queen rhythm section saw the other two men’s faces change in the next moment: first shocked, and then amused. Freddie opened his mouth, surprised, and Brian was trying to laugh.

“Well, that’s… something,” stated the curly-haired man.

Freddie muffled his mouth, but his whole body was shaking with the laughter. “Wonderful subject for a song.”

John could see Roger blushing strongly.

“Care to share who was the inspiration for it?” Brian couldn’t hold himself anymore.

“Look...” Roger started, but he was cut by John.

“It happened to me during my first night with Roger,” The bassist spoke too fast, and Roger looked surprised at him. “I needed to get this off my chest, but I wasn’t planning to show to any of you.”

John quickly went to the kitchen and came back with a lighter.

“In fact, I was about to burn it,” John lightened it up.

Freddie and Brian started to speak, not ready to give up on that.

“There’s no need, Deaky...”

“Why such a rush decision?”

“We certainly will find a place for this track in our first album...”

Roger was giggling in silence.

“It’s not even a good song, mates,” said John. “It came out wrong.”

“At least it came, right?” joked Freddie.

The other three laughed, and John set the paper on fire. 

With this, they left the flat, Roger let himself a bit behind so he could talk with John when putting his jacket.

“Deaky, you didn’t –” and again he was cut by the brunet.

“But I did. Now we’re even?” John smiled at him.

Roger smiled back and nodded, giving him a long peck in the end.

--- 

“Jurassic Park is a kid movie, Deaky!” exclaimed Roger.

“So what? They talk about dinosaurs and biotechnology, how you can not be excited about it?” John was surprised.

“Because I don’t care about this shit!”

They were in the street going to buy some ice cream. John said there was a very good ice cream shop some blocks from his flat, but for the drummer, who always liked more to drive than to walk, seemed too far away. But they were already there, so they were chatting, when John started to talk about the movie he knew Roger never liked.

“E.T. is almost the same as Jurassic Park,” commented John.

Roger stopped in front of him, shocked, and put his hand on the brunet’s chest, making him stop. “Take that back.”

“What? They both talk about childhood and adventure, and...”

“E.T. is a masterpiece, John, that talks about friendship, bounding and...” Roger stopped and took a deep breath.

John tried to hold his laugh. “Are you crying, Rog?”

“Fuck off, Deaky, it’s a very emotional movie. You just don’t get it.”

John felt a drop of water fall on his forehead and he looked up. More drops reached his face, and he could see the clouds getting darker.

In a second a heavy rain started, making people run to some shops nearby, or to their homes again. Roger and John looked to a house with a ‘FOR SALE’ sign and ran to there, climbing the few stairs of it. They looked at each other, slightly wet, and laughed.

“I can’t believe I forgot to bring my umbrella,” John shook his head, feeling stupid.

“Relax, this rain will pass soon,” Roger looked at the front door, and then to the brunet. “Do you want to go in?”

John thought he was crazy. “Roger, we can’t get inside an empty house.”

“Don’t be so uptight, John. We will look for a bit. No one will know we were here,” Roger held the handle and turned it over. 

The door was open, and the blond smiled, triumphant. John looked to the street, but besides the rain no one was there, so after thinking for some seconds he went inside the house.

It was a very classic house, with a large hall and a wood staircase going to the first floor. John liked to imagine how it would be when he had enough money to afford a real house, and when he had a family to fill the place. Without the furniture it seemed a normal house, but John would like to imagine himself living in a house like that.

Roger was already exploring the place and he found a room. “John, come here,” he called.

The bass player walked there and got into the room. It’s a large room with a big wall shelf. 

“I would make this my home office,” said Roger, with a playful voice. “Filling that shelt with books.”

“Your sci-fi books, I’m sure,” laughed John, and Roger gave him the finger; the brunet used to mock him, saying sci-fi wasn’t real literature. “Oh, and in the walls you could hang some news and golden discos from Queen.”

“Why not? I’d be proud of my band’s accomplishments,” nodded the drummer, looking to the walls and picturing what the brunet said.

“Of course you would,” snorted John. “You could put a table here,” the man pointed to the center of the room. “Drinking beer and smoking your cigarettes while you listen to our songs.”

“You really think I’m that pretentious, Deaky?”

John laughed hard, seeing he found the right strand to push. “You’re so easy to piss.”

“Fuck off.”

“Is that a fantasy of yours? Having sex in a for sale house?” 

John kept laughing until Roger held him and pushed him to the wall. His breath stopped when he saw the way the blue eyes were looking at him. Something so strong to shut him up.

“I’d fuck you anywhere, Deaky, don’t tease me.”

John wrapped his arms around his neck and showed a challenging smirk. “I’d like to see you try.” And he kissed Roger.

There was always something intoxicating on John’s lips that made Roger never get tired of them. He liked to kiss in a tender manner, almost tempting, trying to drive Roger crazy and make him go further. It didn’t mean John was soft, no. He liked to push the drummer, to show he knew what he was doing. The brunet liked to get what he wanted and knew how he wanted it.

It was known, but still surprising.

He sucked Roger’s lips while his hands ran through the blond hair, grabbing softly and moving his face to deepen the kiss. When he put his tongue on the drummer’s mouth his fingers were brushing on Roger’s nape, his thumbs caressing the ear lobes.

Roger was holding on his ribs, feeling the man body moving between the kisses, enjoying the little sounds that John produced every time he pushed his lips with the teeth. A pain so worthy to feel.

That weird was on his stomach again, rising up to his chest, warm him on the inside.

He pulled away and stared at the brunet. The way he batted his eyelashes, the content smile on his thin lips, his charming prominent nose, the small wrinkles in the corner of his eyes, his perfect eyebrows.

“What day is today?” Roger asked him.

John didn’t understand his question, but he did answer anyway. “Twenty-second of May.”

“Okay.”

Chapter Text

John just came back home after buying some dinner for him and Roger. The blond said he was too tired to go home, but the brunet couldn’t stop noticing the drummer was more around than usual. Like he’s making excuses to linger with just John, and to be honest he wouldn’t ask him to stop.

When he entered the flat he saw the drummer flicking through the tv channels with the remote control, not looking satisfacted with what he saw on any of them. “Is everything okay, Rog?”

“I’m just looking for the documentary I saw as it's on tonight, and it’s almost time and I can’t find the channel.” Replied the blond.

“You, watching a documentary?” teased John, passing the food to two plates. “That’s new.”

“It’s about dolphins.”

“Oh, God. I thought you got over this.” John said, tiring. “You didn’t talk about it in like a week.”

“Shut up, they are amazing. I heard about a dolphin that rebelled against its trainers in the Sea World. Cute and rebel? That’s the story of my life.”

John rolled his eyes, but giggled in the end. Roger was right.

When he found the channel the drummer shouted, excited, but some seconds later the flat turned dark. They heard some yelling, so they realized the whole building was in a blackout.

“Deaky?” Roger called, and the other could hear the fear in his voice. “Where are you, Deaky?” Roger tried to wander around the living room, but his foot hit the furniture. “Fuck!”

“I’m here, Rog.” Said John, and in the next second his face was illuminated by a lighter. “I forgot you’re scared of the dark.”

“Everyone hates the dark!” if it wasn’t dark John could see Roger’s blushing. “I hate your building! There’s a blackout almost every month!” exclaimed Roger, following the light and sitting in the chair next to the table.

“Hold this, let me look for some candles.” John handed the lighter for Roger and walked in the dark. He remembered where the candles were, and he grabbed a couple of saucers too.

When he got back to the living room Roger was playing with the lighter, quickly pressing his index finger on it, a playful smile on his lips.

“Some fire, please.” Asked John, and the drummer lightened the candles, the bassist putting them both on the table. “Well, candles on the table. Seems we’re having a romantic dinner, doesn’t it?”

“What?” allarmed Roger, his voice becoming louder than necessary.

John got nervous in a second, and faked a laugh. “Just messing with you.”

“Oh.” Roger laughed nervously. “Git.”

It’s been very difficult for the drummer to hide all the new feelings for his bandmate, and times like that maybe he wondered if it’s not one-sided.

They ate in silence for a moment, until Roger murmured about how he’s missing the documentary.

“ Seriously, Rog, what’s your deal with dolphins?” asked John, actually interested.

Roger bit his own lip. It’s a stupid childish thing, and no one ever asked him that. “Well...The only family holiday that my mom and dad were okay, we went to a beach and we saw dolphins jumping in the water. Clare and I got really excited and we didn’t shut up about it for weeks. We never had a happy holiday like that anymore, and after all those years the only thing I could remember about that day was the dolphins. So...Everytime  I see something about them I get happy.”

John never imagined an answer like that, and at first, he gave the drummer a surprising glance, but then he smiled. “Wow, that’s...that’s a very nice reason. I’m sorry if I bothered you with this.”

“That’s fine.”

And then the power returned to the flat. Some yelling around the building and John’s TV turned on again, showing the documentary Roger wanted to see.

“Finally!” Roger jumped, excited, and he turned to John. “Oh, here’s your lighter.” He extended to the brunet.

“You can keep it.” John smiled. “You smoke way more than I, and also you can have something to lighten up in any situation, since I’m not afraid of the dark.”

“You’re really a git.” And Roger giggled, John joining him. And looking closely he saw a D on the metal lighter. “Deaky, but there’s a D on it. What should I say when someone asks me about it? I don't have a D in my name.”

"You have two Ds in 'Meddows', Rog."

"But it's in the middle of my middle name! It doesn't count!"

John thought about it while they walked to the kitchen and put the plates in the sink. “I don’t know. You can say you bought it sarcastically from a portuguese salesman, since you don’t believe in God and ‘God’ in portuguese is called ‘Deus’”.

The drummer looked at him agaped. “John, you’re too smart for your own good.”

They sat on the couch, and John still had red cheeks. John was in the corner of the couch, and without noticing Roger shifted closer to John and fitted between his legs, his back against the bass player’s chest, grabbing John’s hands to wrap him up into an embrace.

The pair were so used to doing it, that they didn’t realize what it looked like.

“Uh, Rog...” John called, and Roger looked up, giving him his attention. “If you want, next weekend I’m free, so we can go to a beach. I saw in the news that some dolphins were seen in England.”

Roger’s heart did a flip, and he saw he’s losing the battle of not falling for John Deacon.

“I’d love that.” Said Roger, with a big smile.

---

Freddie called his bandmates to his flat because he had ‘very good news’. They thought it should be just another song he wrote, so they weren’t very excited when they got there. The main singer, on the other hand, wore a big smile when he answered the door.

“Ok, we’re all here, Freddie.” Said Brian, when Roger walked through the front door and sat next to John on the couch. “What do you want to say?”

“I was here this morning, wondering when we’d finally be famous and spotted after all our small gigs in the local pubs, thinking how I deserved better.” Started Freddie, walking in the living room, gesticulating dramatically. “That people die daily without knowing my talent, and –”

“Freddie, if this was just for you to brag about yourself to us, you could have done it on the phone.” Pointed out Roger, making John laugh.

“Just because of this insolence, you will be cut out of the album. Brian, we need another drummer.” Freddie said as he turned to the guitar player.

And then John blinked. “Wait. What album?”

Freddie smiled pretentiously and said “Oh, right. Jim Beach from EMI Music said he saw one of our gigs and wants to make an album with us.”

“You’re joking!” exclaimed the drummer, his mouth hanging open.

“ I know, right? What a terrible name. I’ll call him Miami Beach.” The oldest man made a face.

“Not about that! About the album!”

“Oh, no, I’m serious.” Freddie clapped his hands together, thrilled. “They said we just need to be there for an audition with some EMI executives, but he said they’re looking for some bands with our ‘style’, so I think we have a chance.”

“Mates.” Brian stood up, and seemed emotional. “I think we got it.”

“We got it, Bri.” Freddie smiled, and hugged him, letting out a peachy groan.

Roger and John looked to each other, smiling widely, and hugged each other. Their hearts were racing. Their dream was finally coming true! It’s the first step to be famous!

John pulled out of the hug still smiling, and he was about to move away and hug the other two when Roger cupped his face and kissed him. The bass player could feel the tremble in Roger’s lips, maybe because of the excitement of the news, and John only put his hands on the drummer’s shoulders, to balance himself.

The kiss was quick, and Roger pulled away, still smiling at the brunet man, and then they looked away. Freddie and Brian were staring at the display of affection. A strong blush appeared on John’s cheeks. Their bandmates never saw them kissing until now.

“No need to hug me, Taylor.” Said Brian, amused.

“Fuck off, May. We’re gonna be famous now!” and the blond shouted, followed by the other three.

John stayed normal as always, but he spent the rest of the day thinking about that kiss.

---

“Now let’s celebrate!” Freddie shouted.

They just signed the contract for their first album. Next week they would start to record the album, and Freddie said at least three times that he already had five songs for the album. John could already feel that Brian and Roger were holding themselves back to not argue with the man; he’s not the only songwriter in the band.

They were on their third round and started to get tipsy.

“Can you imagine having a concert at Wembley?” asked Roger, his blue eyes sparkled with the dream. “People screaming how hot I am and girls wanting to have my babies!”

“Let’s focus on doing the album first, and then we start to think of getting people pregnant.” Said Brian, laughing in the end.

“Don’t kill my dreams.”

“Just go get us another round.”

Roger stood up, moved out of the booth and walked to the bar, and Brian followed him towards the bathroom. John couldn’t contain himself and watched the blond’s walk, seeing the drummer signalling to the barman for more four beers.

“Deaky.” Called Freddie, and John turned around to his bandmate. “You don’t seem so excited.”

“I am.” John said, taking the last sip of his beer. “Just being cautious. Never liked to get my hopes high about anything.”

“That’s sad.”

“That’s me.” Scoffed the bass player. “Besides, if this doesn't work out, I’m done with music.”

“Dear, but you love music.”

John drank a bit more. “Yeah, I do, but because I do it with you. It wouldn’t be fun without you, or Brian, or Roger.” and he looked towards Roger.

The blond was talking with a woman. She was smiling at him and touching his arm with intimacy. John didn’t know what he felt seeing that, but it wasn’t a good feeling.

He knew Roger still went out with other people – just as him – but he never saw it since they started to sleep with each other. He used to think Roger had some respect to wait for him to go home so he could start to mingle.

The thought of someone else kissing Roger wasn’t nice in his head.

Maybe he was externalizing something he shouldn’t, because Freddie spoke “You should ask Roger for you two to be exclusive.”

John blinked, not getting what he said at first, but after a moment he just laughed (in his ears it just sounded like a weird noise). “Why would I do that? We’re friends, and sometimes we have sex together, nothing else. It’s a casual thing.”

The main singer tilted his head, not believing him. “Deaky, I bet Roger wants that too.”

“Why?”

“Because this ‘casual thing’ has been going on for more than a year. None of Roger’s official dates lingered that much.”

“What does that mean? I’m his mistress?” John was mockingly intrigued.

“Ha ha, very funny, Deaky. But for someone like Roger this means something. Besides, what are you two waiting for? A letter from Queen Elizabeth to stop shagging?”

“I don’t think she cares about it.” Giggled the youngest man.

He turned again to watch Roger, but his smile slipped away when he saw the girl putting a paper (probably a phone number) in Roger’s pocket and then giving him a long kiss on his lips. He didn’t know how to look away, and he could feel the air disappearing.

A weird burning started in his eyes.

“Oh, fuck.” He heard Freddie saying in a low tone.

John cleared his throat and showed a fake smile to Freddie. “I don’t think he wants that.”

“John –”

Roger was coming back, a cocky smile on his lips. The bass player felt the urge to go home. “I just remembered a college paper is due tomorrow morning and I didn’t finish it yet. See you later, Freddie.”

Freddie didn’t have the time to say something else. John just took some pounds out of his pocket and put on the booth table and ran to the door.

When Roger reached the booth the main singer still had a worried face. “Where’s John?”

He wanted so badly to say what really happened, but Freddie thought it wasn’t his place, so he just answered “College paper.”

---

As John imagined, the recording process was stressful. If they argued just to make a gig setlist, imagine choosing lyrics for an actual album. Brian and Freddie were discussing it all the time, because they had different visions for the album, while the bass player was just waiting for the end of it. He didn’t have any lyrics to contribute.

On the other hand Roger already had four songs to show to the band.

“Wow, blondie, I never saw you this productive.” Claimed Freddie, proud.

The drummer was proud and a bit shy with it. To be honest he wrote each song after having sex with John. That and the incident in the For Sale house made Roger go crazy.

“Very good songs, Rog.” Complimented John, showing a kind smile.

Roger tried to not melt inside. “Thanks, mate.”

“What about a guitar solo in the beginning of this song?” Brian pointed to a song.

“Hell no!” Freddie shouted.

That day in the studio was very long, but probably Roger thought it was the longest, because one of Miami’s friends came to the studio and decided to stay, pretending she needed some law advice from the man, but in fact during the day her eyes were all over John. She even talked with the bass player, Roger hearing a flirt or two, and the worst part was that John flirted back.

With that the drummer became grumpy and annoyed with everyone, and by the end of the day, he kicked over a bin.

It’s a fact that none of them stopped shagging other people – Roger knew that, even though he never actually saw John approaching someone – but seeing it with his eyes was different. The drummer never knew how to react to those kinds of feelings, especially when they were addressed for one of his best friends.

Lately Roger was shagging other people to see if those feelings for John just went away.

“What is wrong with you, mate?” asked Brian, when they’re leaving the studio.

His eyes flicked over quickly to where John and the woman were talking, and Brian got the hint.

“Okay.” He said, a bit embarrassed. “Well, that happens when you don’t ask someone to not officially date them.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Roger aggressively questioned, his hands hidden in his pockets.

“Look, I know how you and John have whatever you two have, but I know you better, Roger. You never treated any of your exes like your treat John, so I think that’s more than ‘just sex’, mate.”

“You’re wrong, Brian.” Roger didn’t look him in his eyes.

“Say what you want, but I know what I see, and you should ask John out. On a proper date.”

John walked over to them, with a light smile. “Mates, I know we promised to go and have a drink later, but can we do it tomorrow?” Roger saw the brunet man look again towards the woman that was waiting for him in a car, and looked back to his bandmates. “Do you mind?”

Brian saw Roger’s face, a bit pinky because the cold, getting full pale.

“Alright, John. See you tomorrow.” Brian nodded, and John just walked away.

When John got into the woman’s car, Roger spoke again, with a dry tone “That’s your answer. I need to go home. See you tomorrow.”

Chapter Text

Roger was crying out on his own bed, his ass in the air while his head was resting on the mattress, John was holding his waist and pounding into him with a force that was making the drummer see stars. He didn’t need to, but John sometimes slapped his ass, hearing the blond man moaning his name.

“Fuck, John! That’s so good!” chanted Roger, after John started thrusting deeper into him.

It was amazing how the brunet knew how to fuck him just how he liked. Sometimes they didn’t need to verbalize anything, letting the flow guide their bodies, and their hands running across the other’s skin, gripping and scratching. John knew when to speed up and when to slow down, Roger knew how to tease the bass player, and when to work together.

John glued their bodies together, burying himself in Roger, and let his hand run up his spine until he found his hair, pulling it. The drummer groaned, feeling so full, and moved his ass, looking up at John.

“Brat.” Smirked John, and with a few more moves, both of them cummed with John falling above Roger.

They laughed for a bit with it, and John pulled out of Roger, rolling to his side, breathing heavily.

John looked at the blond, who still had his eyes closed. His sweaty blond hair stuck to his face, his symmetric nose pointing to the ceiling, his thin pink lips quickly parted when his tongue popped out to wet them, his delicate jawline catching John’s attention...

“I can feel you watching me.” Roger said, opening his eyes and smirking at the youngest man.

He just blushed, feeling stupid. “Sometimes I just forget how pretty you are.”

That was Roger’s time to blush. John normally didn’t give compliments to anyone, and even though the drummer was used to hearing people talking about his looks there’s something special when John did it.

To be honest John never liked to compliment someone’s looks because everyone was more than just their appearance. Especially Roger. He was one the most wildest, out-going, expressive, honest, bright and brilliant people he’d ever met. Him being ridiculously handsome was just a plus.

“You’re pretty too, John.” Roger shifted closer and cupped John’s face, caressing him with his thumb.

John didn’t believe it, but he was...breathtaking. Roger used to take minutes just to admire him, and he tried really hard not to let anyone see him looking like a fool, but he thought he wasn’t doing a flawless job, since Freddie and Brian already made a joke now and then.

But maybe he was breathtaking not only because of his appearance, but also because he was smart, funny, caring and a good friend.

Fuck. Roger was doomed.

“ Rog.” John called him in a soft voice, and made him look to the brunet. “Freddie...Freddie talked with me about why you and me aren’t exclusive.” And just to lighten up the talk John let out a snort.

But for Roger, it sounded like he’s jesting. Like for John, it was a funny and stupid thought.

John looked at him with shiny eyes, in a deep green colour. He was nervous, but he didn’t let it show. “I mean, it’d be weird...Us dating. Right?”

The truth was that Roger never imagined that he deserved John. He was messed up, with commitment issues and he never believed that he could make someone stay interested in him. In his mind he’s just someone pretty. Just a fancy shell.

“Very weird.” Roger gave a weird laugh. He moved his hand away from John so that he didn't feel his hand shaking. “Brian said something similar to me, but I don’t understand why. We’re having fun and that’s all, right?”

Roger looked at John, waiting for his answer, but the man just stayed silent, blinking fast at him.

“That’s what you want, right, John?” Roger asked.

John waited to hear Roger ask this so many times, but he was weak. Roger never would want something with him. The drummer was too good to feel something more than friendship for him. John was just someone else for him to sleep with.

Roger just asked that out of pity.

“Right.” John forced a smile, and then he stood up from the bed. “I think I should go home.”

Right now Roger wanted, more than anything to feel John. Shameful, but he needed it. “No. Sleep here, Deaky.”

“Tomorrow I have an early class and all my things are in my flat.”

John dressed himself quickly, and said good night, practically running to the door.

If they knew, they’d have enjoyed that night more.

---

Freddie was out of ideas and he still wanted two songs for the album. Brian said he’s already working on one song and he would show it to them after he finished it. Roger had an idea in his mind, but he still couldn’t find the right words.

John got into the studio, apologizing for being late.

“Deaky, it’s been three weeks since you’ve come late to the studio.” Freddie said, worried, “Something is happening, my dear?”

“Nothing.” Roger saw John blushing. The bass player saw everyone looking at him, expecting the real answer, and he just breathed, tired. “Just my girlfriend that likes to get lunch with me, and she doesn’t live nearby.”

It was weirdly easy: John was alone in a pub and a girl bought him a drink, and he thanked her for buying him a drink. She sat next to him and said he looked a bit lonely and that’s why she did that. They started to talk, and it was nice and light. After some drinks John went to her place and he only left the day after. They started to hang out everyday until she asked if he wanted to be her boyfriend.

He didn’t want to, but he could want to eventually. So he said yes.

Roger’s eyes got wide the moment he heard ‘girlfriend’. John had declined when he called him to go to his flat, but he said he was having a lot of stressful exams at college. Well, it seemed he was just avoiding him because there was someone else.

He knew this day would come, of course. John would look around and find someone that could give him something he didn’t have. But it didn’t mean it wasn’t hurtful to know.

Freddie looked from John to Roger, who was still looking to the youngest Queen member, and then back to John.

“Well...” Freddie didn’t know what to say. “Valid. But please don’t be late again.”

John nodded and went to his place to plug the bass in the amp.

During the day John tried to talk with Roger, but it was impossible. The drummer was always busy, and went often to the bathroom, and he really didn’t want to corner him there.

By the end of the day Freddie and Brian went out earlier, leaving Roger and John alone. When Roger noticed this, he started to take his things to get out.

But John was faster, and he stood up in front of the blond. “Rog, I think we need to talk.”

“I don’t think so.” Roger spoke, without looking at him.

The bass player held his arm, and this made him look to John. “I should’ve told you. But...”

“That’s fine, John. Because it was just casual, right? No harm, no fail.” Roger showed a smile. “She’s a lucky girl.”

“Veronica.” Said John.

“Cute name. Now I need to go. See you tomorrow.” Roger patted his arm and walked to the door.

John wanted to say something. Roger wanted him to say anything.

But the only sound was the door getting opened and closed.

---

The next weeks were incredibly silent. Roger and John tried to pretend everything was okay, but the lack of communication between them was notable. They were always laughing or commenting about something, and now they were each in a corner of the studio, only talking with the other when it’s necessary. Freddie and Brian didn’t want to intrude – besides what they should say to them? – but they’re afraid that this could affect the whole band.

Brian showed his song about a young love of his, but Freddie asked him to change the title – he believed putting someone’s name in a song name wouldn’t bring good luck.

“How about ‘Now I’m Here’? What do you think?” the curly-haired man looked to his bandmates.

“I like it.” Said Freddie, and he glanced at Roger.

The drummer was staring at John, who’s tuning his bass. Freddie cleared his throat, catching his attention. “I’m on board.” Roger said, a weak smile.

“Deaky?” Freddie called him.

Since Roger spoke, the grayish green eyes were on him, and he just looked away when the main singer spoke again. “I liked the name too.” And he pretended he was playing the bass again.

During that day Brian and Freddie couldn’t stop noticing how Roger was always looking at the bass player when the other was distracted. The blond was too stubborn to admit, but too weak to stop caring. It was hurtful to see his eyes filled with sadness everytime he stared at the brunet man.

At the end of the recording day they let John go out first, and then they walked over to the drummer, who’s hydrating himself. “What?”

“Look, I can’t handle this vibe in the studio anymore. You and John need to talk.” Said Freddie.

“Talk about what?” Roger looked away, pretending alienation.

“Your feelings for each other.” Brian answered, glancing strongly to his bandmate.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. That was –”

“If you say ‘casual’ one more time I will break your nose.” And Freddie closed his hands into fists, Roger looking at them with fear.

“Roger, none of us would get in the middle of it if we didn’t know that you’re nice together.” Brian said, Freddie nodding.

“But John doesn't think so,” Roger showed a bitter smile. “or else he wouldn’t have a girlfriend.”

“Perhaps he’s tired of waiting, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t break up with her to be with you.”

“Rog, darling,” Freddie touched his arm, caring. “don’t be stupid. I know you’re afraid, but John is an amazing man. And even you try so hard to not be, you’re amazing too. You both deserve to be happy.”

Without the drummer noticing he started to cry, an ugly sob he’s been holding for months. Freddie held him while Brian was getting him some water. The main singer sat with him on the couch, Roger wetting the man’s shirt with his tears, and Brian sat on the other side, patting his shoulder.

“But” Roger spoke again after a while “what if he doesn’t really like me?”

“I can’t see in any circumstances this happening, dear.” Freddie smiled at the drummer.

“Besides, who the hell doesn’t fancy you back?” teased Brian, making the other two laugh.

After wiping his tears and thanking his bandmates, Roger went to his home. He already had something in mind.

He looked for the piece of paper everywhere, and he found it in the vase in the center table, in the living room. He looked to four sentences he previously wrote – the four that were buzzing in his ears since the last time John was at his flat.

If I could only reach you
If I could make you smile
If I could only reach you
That would really be a breakthrough, oh yeah

He didn’t believe how fast he wrote the rest of the song. His heart was pounding fast against his chest, like a gigantic catharsis. He was throwing in words what he always wanted to say. He just really hoped it wasn’t too late.

In the end he looked to the whole creation. He liked it. In the end, he put the title at the head of the page.

Breakthru by Roger Taylor

---

Roger was nervous, he didn’t know what he was doing. Everything was still new for him, at least in this intensity.

“Mates, I want to show a song I did last night.” The drummer said, a shy tone that he normally didn't have.

“Oh, more songs!” shouted Freddie, enchanted. “Let us hear it.”

Roger snapped the fingers to build the rhythm and started to sing. He was shaking, and he couldn’t look to anywhere but the lyrics. The room was still silent, only hearing his singing, and he didn’t know if that was good or not.

He liked the song, the lyrics were right from the heart. He just wished that John could understand all the words.

When he finished the song the drummer took some deep breaths before he looked up at his bandmates. Freddie was highly proud and Brian nodded to him, excited.

John’s mouth was slightly open, almost smiling, and his eyes were shining. Roger liked their shine.

“That’s a really good song, dear.” Freddie seemed thrilled, but something in his tone said it wasn’t just for the song.

“Thanks, Freddie.” Roger nodded, and he looked to the bass player. “Did you like it, John?”

Freddie and Brian shared an amused glance before looking to the youngest Queen member. John was highly shy, his face deep red.

“It’s a really good song.” John said, smiling.

“I can smell a single, I’m just saying.” Chanted Freddie. “Oh, a love song! So...refreshing.”

Roger and John looked down, each one still too afraid to say anything else.

“How about we start to build this song, mates?” called Brian.

“Okay.” Roger smiled, his chest too full for him to mind.

Roger showed them the drum beat for the song, Brian and John testing some riffs to fit with the drums, and by the end of the day they already had the song done.

Freddie was very happy with it. “So tomorrow we record this song and finish the album. That’s what I call a good debut, darlings.” And Freddie kissed Roger’s cheek.

The drummer went to the bathroom to piss, and when he looked at himself in the mirror he smiled, confident. “Go get him, Taylor.”

But when he got back to the studio it was empty. He didn’t get sad; now he had some hours to practice how to talk with John.

---

Roger was visiting an ill John at his flat. He bought a soup for him.

The drummer tried to talk with the brunet man the day after showing Breakthru to his bandmates, but John asked for Freddie to record his part first, because he wasn’t feeling well. He was indeed not looking well, and after recording the bass riff he threw up.

Roger said he’d stay with the bass player, to help him to eat and other things, but John was stubborn as the blond – God bless him – and didn’t accept the help, and Roger respected that. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t visit him and check if he’s okay.

“I said you didn’t need to worry about me.” John was with a weak voice, but he smiled at the drummer.

“Like this would stop me.” Teased Roger, the soup was already in a bowl, and he put the bowl with a spoon on John’s lap. “Now eat it.”

John didn’t have the strength to argue with him.

Roger watched the bassist eating the soul slowly, and he smiled, thinking of how much he cared about him. He wished he could do more than just this for John.

After eating, John put the empty bowl on the nightstand and spoke. “Roger, we need to talk.”

John was anxious since the day Roger showed the new song. The way he looked at him, the lyrics, everything he believed that the drummer was trying to say something to him. About him. But he needed to hear the words coming out of Roger.

And everytime Roger was there he wanted to ask, but they never were alone. There was always Brian, or Freddie, or some classmate of his passing by.

Veronica was visiting some relatives, so the timing was great.

“No.” The blond man shook his head, and sat on the bed, next to John. “You’re sick. No serious talk until you get better.”

“But it’s important.” John scoffed.

“You healing is more important right now.” Roger cupped his pale face, and smiled.

“But, Rog...”

“I know you want to talk. And yes, it’s for you.” He leaned in and gave a long peck on John’s lips.

How much Roger missed his lips.

How much John missed his lips.

Pulling away, Roger was still smiling. John blinked, trying to not faint.

“You’re gonna get sick.” Warned the brunet man.

“Do I look like I give a fuck?” teased the drummer.

---

For some dumb luck Freddie was the first the the studio that day. John needed him, because he didn’t know what to do.

Before he could go back to Queen, he took a day off to do something wild: get a tattoo. He never wanted a tattoo, but he thought it’d be a nice gesture to show to Roger how serious he was about them. It’s still aching on his back, but that’s fine.

Later that day he called Veronica, so he could break up with her; he thought they were together for less than two months, so it wouldn’t be hard for her. And by the way she was, ignoring his calls and avoiding him in other ways in the last three days, maybe she was planning the same.

But when Veronica appeared at his door, she started to cry, saying she’s screwed. And after some glasses of water and she already sat on the couch, John discovered he was also screwed.

Veronica was pregnant. And their parents were very strict; she shouldn’t even have had sex before marriage. The brunet man was still processing the whole information while the girl threw herself on him, sobbing.

He didn’t sleep all night.

When he opened the studio door, Freddie turned around and gave him a wide smile. “Oh, you’re here, Deaky! So we four can listen to the final album together! I’m so excited!”

John just walked to the couch and sat there, inconsolable. Not even the idea of a Queen album cheer-ed him up.

“Veronica is pregnant. And I don’t know what to do.” And he covered his face, hiding the tears that were falling from his eyes.

He heard Freddie gasping in surprise, and the oldest man sat next to him, holding on his shoulders. Freddie saw him, so small and helpless, and felt his body slightly shaking. “And now, darling? What are you two going to do?”

“I don’t know!” he said in a muffled voice, and then took his hand away from his face, looking desperately at his bandmate. “How am I going to tell Brian? To Roger?”

“Tell what?”

Freddie and John looked up and saw Brian and Roger walk in the room, both with soaked clothes. It was raining outside.

Roger’s eyes were shining to John, and that made him feel ten times worse.

He knew all along he’d need to break Roger’s heart, even though what he really wanted was giving his own to the blond.

“Veronica is pregnant.” Said John, his hands shaking.

Brian’s first reaction was to look to the Queen drummer.

He saw Roger, who seemed relaxed and bland, change his expression. The drummer opened his mouth, surprised, and his gaze drifted through the room, the news setting into his brain. He blinked some times and looked back to John.

Roger seemed as hopeless as the bass player.

“Roger...” called John.

But the blond headed to the studio door and passed through it, not looking back.

“Fuck.” John just stood up and walked towards Roger.

Roger didn’t mind the rain. The cold water from the sky was way better than being in the studio, with John and his horrible news.

T oday it was supposed to be a great day, with John in the studio and them listening to their album together. But turned out to be one of his worst days of his life.

It’s over. Roger and John couldn’t be together anymore.

“Roger!” he heard him calling, but he didn’t turn around.

Only a few seconds later, when a hand grabbed his arms, was when Roger let himself be stopped. He looked at John, just as wet as him, looking to the blond man with expectation.

“Roger, please, say something.” John asked, anxious.

“Well...Congrats, mate.” Roger gave a fake smile. “I know you’re gonna be an amazing dad.”

“Why are you saying this? I don’t want to be a dad!”

Roger widened his eyes. “Are you going to ask her to abort?”

“No! Of course not. I just didn’t want to be in this situation.” John swallowed hard, and took a step closer. “Yesterday I called Veronica to break up with her.”

“John, you can’t do that.”

Roger was sure about it. No kid should grow up without a father. His father was crap, but he missed having a father figure at the house. And John should know this too, since he lost his own father when he was a kid.

“What?” John didn’t understand. “But I thought –”

“It doesn’t matter what you thought.” The next words hurt the blond to say, head to toes. “You should stay with Veronica. Marry her even.”

“But...What about us?” John took Roger’s hands.

He didn’t know anymore if the shaking was because of the rain or because of what he’s saying.

John could feel the three words popping up on his tongue.

“‘What about us’?” Roger had to put all his acting skills on this, looking intrigued. “There’s no ‘us’, John, not in that way. We are mates, that’s all.”

“But...You wrote a song for me.” John was feeling his stomach aching.

At this point Roger already understood ‘Ride the Wild Wind’, ‘In the Lap of the Gods’ and all the others were for John too.

“So what? I would write a song for my car if I wanted to.” Roger pulled away from John’s grip. “To be honest I just wasn’t ready to give up my booty call.”

‘Booty call’. That’s what John was to him all along? The brunet man’s ears hurt with the words.

“Then why you ran away?” John wasn’t ready to give up either.

“Because I didn’t care what you’re gonna do with your pregnant girlfriend!” Roger was already screaming.

“Of course you didn't.” John pushed Roger. “I can’t believe I was ready to leave a family because of you.” He pushed the drummer again.

“Stop it.”

“So selfish, childish and immature.” John pushed him harder this time.

“Shut up.”

“Why? Words hurt, Roger? Yeah, maybe you’re right. That was pure sex, meaningful and stupid sex, just a warm ass to put it in.” He did again.

But this time Roger retaliated, pushing him back. “Shut the fuck up, John!”

“You don’t have anything else to give. That’s why you don’t deserve love!”

Roger lost his vision for a few seconds, out of anger, and only felt his hand throwing itself forward and finding something solid. When he could see again, John was on the ground, his hand on his cheek.

Freddie and Brian, who were watching from a respectful distance, ran when they saw the punch. John was still on the floor, looking astonished at the drummer, when they came there.

“Roger, what the hell?” Brian was revolted.

“So go, John!” yelled Roger. Freddie thought it’d be safer staying in front of the blond man in case he wanted to attack again. “Go to your perfect family, raising your baby with your sweetheart! Marry her and stop all this shenanigans!”

“Yeah, maybe I will.” John stood up again. “And I’m fucking done. I quit.”

“Deaky, don’t do that.” Freddie tried to reach the man, but he didn’t let him.

“Don’t call me that. Queen is dead to me.” John probably was crying, but it was impossible to distinguish the rain and the tears. “I know you’ll choose him over me.”

“Don’t say that, dear.” Freddie was devastated.

“You bet they will! It’ll be easy to find a bassist, the less important part of a band!” hissed Roger.

“Shut up, mate.” Demanded Brian.

Freddie and Brian called John, but he didn’t look back.

---

Queen’s first album was a success, and Breakthru was on the top of the charts all over Europe.

Freddie, Brian and Roger were invited to so many parties with famous music artists, making connections for the future, and they were already friends with Elton John. David Bowie said that next album he wanted to at least feature with the band.

Life couldn’t be better. But Roger wasn’t happy.

For pure pride he didn’t contact John yet. He probably was already married to Veronica and expecting their child. The drummer was pretty sure Freddie and Brian tried to reach John, but they never said anything to him, and to be fair he didn’t want to know. His last conversation with John was too hurtful. The brunet said he didn’t deserve love.

He broke a lot of things at his flat. He cried a lot too. And the pain didn’t dissipate.

Someone knocked at his door and he opened. Jim Beach gave him a polite smile.

“Hi, Rog. You said you wanted to see me in private.” Jim said.

Roger opened the door, letting the Queen manager get in. “Yes, I did.”

He quickly made tea for them and let Beach drink it calmly. Part of him was still holding himself back, wanting to not do this.

“So...What’s the matter?” Jim asked, putting his tea cup on the table.

“John isn’t in the band anymore, but you probably still have contact with him about his part in the album, right?” Roger tried to not sound nervous.

Jim stayed silent for a few seconds, maybe undecided what to say. But in the end he nodded. “Yes, I am.”

“I wanted to know if legally I can give half of my earnings from Breakthru to him.”

It was fair, at least for this song.

The manager seemed confused. “Well, you can, but John is aware of it?”

“No, and I ask you to not say anything to him. Keep this between us, can you? Let him believe it’s just his royalties with this album.”

“Are you sure it’s the best, Roger?” Jim asked, in a deep tone.

“Yes.”

Chapter Text

John walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower. He needed to clean himself as fast as he could. He needed to take off his skin that thick crust of guilt.

The pleasure his body felt fucking Roger couldn’t hide what he just did. In less than five hours Veronica was still in that house, and now he dirted their sheets with someone else.

He brushed aggressively the bath sponge on himself, hissing sometimes from the strength, but John didn’t stop. He was going in the opposite way of getting her wife back. And, if he ever wanted to maintain his family united, he’d need to lie to Veronica. Again.

Without the brunet man realizing, Roger got into the bathroom and wrapped his arms on his bare waist, holding him from behind  kissing his back while he’s under the shower too. “Is there room for me in this bath too?”

John shivered again with his touch. In a sudden move, John pulled away from the embrace and grabbed the nearest towel. “Finished it, actually.”

He walked fast towards the bedroom, drying his body and looking for clean clothes.

Roger couldn’t mess with his head again. He couldn’t allow this. John came out of that once, so he could do it twice.

The brunet was still only wearing a shirt and the towel around his waist when Roger walked out the bathroom, still naked, water lingering on his hair. John forgot how to breathe with the sight in front of him.

“Am I wrong or did you run away from me?” asked Roger, frowning.

John took a deep breath. “Roger, you need to leave my house.” His tone was serious.

“What? Are you...Are you ditching me, John? After all that?” and the drummer pointed to the bed, like John could forget what they were doing ten minutes ago.

“We shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong.”

“But we did.” Roger declared.

“Yeah, but...” It was useless to argue with that, so John would use another strategy. “Look, Roger, our relationship is already too complicated, let’s not complicate it even more.”

Roger saw that before. John was closing himself up to protect himself again.

“What you want then, Deaky?” Roger asked, hands on his hips. “Fuck me now and then, until you find your way to Veronica, just like you did twenty-two years ago? Pretend that we don’t have a history, like you did months ago?”

John could hear the accusation in his voice. “I just want us to be friends, without the drama. We used to be friends, remember?”

“Unbelievable. You’re unbelievable, Deacon!” Roger laughed, but with no humour. “You really thought that we wouldn’t have drama? We were bandmates that had sex with each other! Of course there would be drama! We stopped being just friends the moment we kissed!”

“But you kissed me!”

“And you kissed me back. I wasn’t doing it alone, or forcing you to do anything.”

It was getting impossible to avoid the whole thing. They lingered for two decades to have this conversation, and now they couldn’t postpone it. John tried for years to pretend those years were just a dream, a feverous illusion, so he didn’t need to face them. And now a very naked reminder was in front of him.

“I was ready for you. I wrote a fucking song for you about all I would do for you, John, and you just...” Roger was trembling, his hands closed in fists.

“Hey, don’t put the blame on me!” John exclaimed, shocked. “You’re the one who said to me to marry Veronica.”

“Of course! I couldn’t say ‘Hey, dump your pregnant girlfriend and stay with me’, but you could do that.”

“You said I was a ‘booty call’ for you.” The brunet man rolled his eyes, tired. “Why are we discussing this? That was years ago, and that just proves how bad we are together, and that I made the right decision to stay with Veronica.”

“Oh, yeah? And where is she now?”

The dryness in Roger's voice made John want to punch him again.

“Get out of my fucking house!” yelled John.

“I will!” Roger grabbed his pants, and put them on again.

John walked to the living room, wanting to lighten his mind. He looked to the dinner table; the plates were still there. Everything was reminding him how badly he screwed up.

Roger was fully dressed when he appeared in the living room, and he walked straight to the front door, not attempting to talk again with John – and the brunet was okay with that – but when he grabbed the handle he turned around to John.

“Look, John, I know you’re trying to make me the bad guy here, but you were as bad as I am, now and then.” Roger claimed.

“Excuse me?” John couldn’t believe the man’s nerve.

“Why did you never introduce Veronica to us? Why did Freddie have to pry it out of you for you to say that you’re dating someone else? You did all this because you didn’t really like her. And you only stayed with her because of Joe.”

“Because...Because...” he could use the ‘it’s too fresh’ card on him, but even John knew it was a lie.

“You lied to her then, and you lied to her now.” Roger took a step forward, watching John holding himself, scared at his words. “At first I thought it was because you’re embarrassed for not telling her about Queen at that time, but then I saw you lying about more things. And the only connection I can see in those two moments was me. I was in your life then, and I am in your life now.”

Being close to Roger was the worst decision he ever made in his life. He should just forgive him for the punch and everything and stay living his life, only seeing him when he really needed to, but no. John played the game, he stayed closer, he let Roger deceive him, he accepted all his excuses. As Freddie said earlier, things led to Roger coming there, and John allowed it.

“You said we were bad together, but I disagree.” Roger took another step. “Yeah, we’re stubborn as hell, but you always understood me. It was light and easy until we tried so hard to push each other away.”

John needed to speak. He was falling again.

“No, Roger. It wasn’t easy. Everyday I questioned myself about why you wanted me, because it never made sense.” The brunet spoke, digging some truth.

“I never stayed with someone longer than you, and you know it. If you needed a speech, I’d have done it, but you never asked for it.” Roger looked at him, his blue eyes with a sad shine. “I...” Roger breathed deeply, or else he’d cry. “Your words stayed in my mind for weeks. How I didn’t deserve love. I thought the same at the time...but hearing that from you was way more painful.”

John remembered how hurtful it was to say those words. He didn’t want it, but without making Roger pissed with him he’d never have the strength to move on with Veronica. Unfortunately that meant that he had to move on from Roger and Queen too.

“Why do you want to relive this?” John was exasperated. “I’m with Veronica...I guess, and you’re with Debbie.”

Roger laughed, this time with humour, and the younger man didn’t understand it.

“If your concern is my marriage with Debbie, you don’t need to worry.” Roger said, confident.

Whoever was passing next to the Deacon’s house on the street, heard John shouting “What?” loudly. Whatever was said to him the man didn’t see that coming.

“I can’t believe it.” John was with wide eyes, still in shock.

“I did what I had to do.” Roger took another step forward. “I’m ready to talk with my kids about us, if I have to.”

“But I’m not! They don’t need to know about our past! They already know too much.”

“It doesn’t seem like the past, since we had sex tonight, John.”

It’s a fucking nightmare. It was already bad enough that Veronica knew that something happened between them, but Joe, Cameron and Luke couldn’t know about his interest in men. They just couldn’t – and he’s pretty sure Veronica would be polite enough to not bring this subject with them at any moment.

“Now can we, please, start to be honest with each other and say what we feel? Because you can say whatever you want to yourself, but what we did wasn’t a ‘mistake’ or ‘in the heat of the moment’. You wanted me, and you still do.” Roger pronounced again, taking a final step forward.

John didn’t pull away when Roger’s hand was on him, to glue their bodies together. Roger cupped his face with the other hand and caressed the brunet’s cheek, leaning in slowly towards the brunet man. He brushed his nose against John, and he giggled lowly when the other stopped breathing.

“Why are you doing this to me?” whispered John. “We just hurt each other, with words and all.”

“Because I can’t let you slip away like I let you the last time.” Roger whispered back. He leaned back a bit, just so he could look into the grayish green eyes. “I know we’ve fought a lot against it, with the big hot heads we have, but I can’t fight anymore. It’s been twenty-two years, John. Twenty-two years loving you.”

That statement made John freeze. Love froze him.

“You what?” John managed to speak.

Roger smiled. “I love you, Deaky. Maybe that’s why I punched you, or why I made it so hard for Ben and Joe in the beginning. Because I couldn’t love you, but it was out of my hands. This feeling is bigger than me, or my want.”

Roger was leaning in again. And for a few seconds John just accepted that they were about to kiss and they could, after more conversations and a lot of compromising, have a shot...

Ben and Joe.

Joe.

His son.

His family.

He’s giving up on his family.

“I can’t, Roger.” John said, in the moment Roger’s lips landed, and gently pulled away from him.

Everything he built, everything he left behind – his family, his friends, his hometown – couldn’t be vanished for some...selfish pleasure.

Veronica was right. Roger brought up his best, and also his worst.

The Queen drummer blinked, confused. “What you’re saying?”

“My family is too important to me. Without them, I’m nothing. Without Veronica I’m nothing.” John turned around. Looking at Roger was too hard right now. “I need to try and make things right with her. We have three kids, and I know she’ll think about that before really considering divorce. We already had a crisis before, every couple has, and –”

But a strong hand made him turn back, and Roger held him strongly in his arms, with an expression close to angst.

“Look in my eyes and tell me, with all the words, that you don’t love me back.” Roger’s voice cracked in the end.

It was heartbreaking. Roger putting his heart on the line, saying the fucking three words he had so much trouble to vocalize. He did everything...and it seemed it wasn’t enough.

“Say it John. Say that you don’t love me.” He increased his grip.

John seemed more lost than before. It’s just four stupid words. So easy.

Then why couldn't he say???

“Sorry, Rog.” John only said this.

Roger looked to the ground for a few seconds, breathing with difficulty, and then looked up again, fixing his hair, putting some rebel strands behind his ears. He stared strangely at John; it’s like the brunet was a stranger.

“That’s our second chance, and you blew it.” Spoke Roger, roughly. “I don’t think there'll be a third one.”

And he turned around, going to the door and opening it, closing after passing to it.

John sat on the floor and hugged his knees, sobbing.

He never felt so lonely as right now.

Chapter Text

Thankfully for John, Cameron and Luke went straight to school after their sleepovers. It gave him the time to organize the house and fight away the insane roller coaster of emotions that had made themselves known the night before. With some luck, John might find a way for Veronica to forgive him and their youngest kids would never need to know about their fight.

They did it one time, and Cameron and Luke didn’t remember that.

John was wearing a smile when he picked his sons up at the end of the school day. Cameron and Luke looked at him, surprised.

“Something happened, dad?” asked Luke when they got into the car.

“No, why?” John restarted the car when Cameron got in and closed the door.

“Well, you usually don’t pick us at school. Mom does.”

“Oh. Right.” John looked at them for the rear view mirror. “One of your mom’s friends from the book club got sick and she lives alone, so Veronica offered to stay some days taking care of her.”

The man analized how the two teen boys heard what he said. Cameron didn’t seem suspicious of anything, but Luke, on the other hand, was getting sadder and sadder. John didn’t see this expression on his youngest son often, and he was worried about it.

“That’s why she hasn't replied to my texts since yesterday?” questioned Cameron.

“Probably.” John nodded, without taking his eyes off the road. “Maybe it’s better not to bother her for the next few days.”

“Okay.”

When they arrived home, John let the boys walk before him, and he saw something weird at Cam’s scalp. It looked like yellow paint in his hair.

“Cam, what happened with your hair?” John touched his son’s hair when he turned around to him.

The boy got nervous and looked to Luke, who spoke with the most calm voice he could make. “Some dumb kids from our Art class started fighting and paint flew everywhere.”

John took a good look at Luke and said “But you’re clean, Luke.”

“I-I was in the bathroom at that moment.”

The man looked back to Cam, and he nodded. “Lucky, huh?”

“Okay.”

And they went inside.

Minutes after, when the three were having dinner Cam received a message.

Luke: I wanna know about that later.

---

Joe couldn’t sleep that night.

Everytime he closed his eyes, the image of his father and his father-in-law’s young selfs kissing appeared in his mind. It’s nauseating imagining what else they could’ve done too. Tons of questions floated in his mind since he saw that photo.

Was his father bisexual? Why did he hide his sexuality all this time? Did his mother know that his father used to kiss men? Did his mother know that his father used to kiss Ben’s father?

Minutes after, Joe received a text from his mother. And another one. And another one. And another one. And then a long-distance call. By the end of the call they were both crying.

Putting together what his mother said and what he saw...The actor knew it wasn’t just memories. It was bigger than that.

And then he did something worse: he read the journal that was next to the photo.

He felt betrayed. Joe didn’t know who his father was anymore. All the certainties he had about the man he admired – the man he loved – were now on the floor. It’s like being raised by a faceless man. What was true in Joe's life, in Joe's family?

Ben knocked at the home office’s door; Joe never left there. The blond actor had grilled ham and cheese on a plate and a glass of juice, and put it on the table. “Joe, you need to eat.” He stared at his fiancee, worried.

“I can’t. I’m probably gonna puke.” Joe said, his head already aching. He was tired, but he didn’t know how to rest.

Ben crouched down in front of the ginger man and carefully touched his knee. “Joe, I’m just as devastated as you. That’s my father in that picture too.”

“But it doesn’t seem like you are!” snapped Joe.

“Because I needed to support you. We both can’t spiral at once.”

Joe blinked and looked at his fiancee, who looked as tired as him – maybe he didn’t sleep much that night – but still offered him a smile. He was being insensitive with the blond, of course he was dealing with this too. It affected Ben too, but as a nice brit he wanted to make sure Joe was okay first.

The ginger man hugged him tight. “I’m so sorry, Ben. I’m being selfish, of course you’re feeling shit right now.”

“That’s fine.” Ben shrugged. “I already knew how you are when you’re sleep deprived.”

That made Joe giggle, and for Ben the moment was enough.

“But we need to get our flight in a bit, Joe.” Remembered Ben.

“Oh, shit! I haven’t even packed!” exclaimed Joe, slapping his own forehead.

“Don’t worry, I already did. But you should at least change yourself.”

“Okay.”

They were already on the plane when Joe got a text from John, wishing him a safe flight. He deleted it without answering him.

Ben looked at him a bit sleepily. “Do you already know what you’re going to say to your father?”

“I don’t know, but I wish I wasn’t him when we see each other.” Joe said.

Giving up, Joe closed his eyes and slept.

---

John thought it’d be nice to pick Joe up at the airport tonight. He needed an ally to his case, and his oldest son always was a reasonable person, and would see his point of view. The brunet man would say that Roger was just a moment of madness from his past, and that’s why he never brought it up to anyone, and that Veronica was his present and his future, and even though the Queen drummer made a move on him, it didn’t mean anything and they shouldn’t end his marriage because of that.

In that moment John tried to erase the minute of weakness he had the night before, when he considered giving things a chance between him and Roger.

John walked over to the arrival area and rolled his eyes when he saw a blond man there.

“Are you following me?” asked John quietly, but with an annoyed voice.

Roger looked at him, with a tired expression. He had bags under his eyes and didn’t look rested. “John, my son is arriving too, in case you forgot.” Said the drummer.

“And for their sake let’s pretend nothing happened.”

The blond snorted. “Fine by me. You’re an expert on this.”

Before John could reply to him, two girls approached Roger and said they were Queen fans and asked for a picture with him. John just walked to the other corner of the platform.

---

Ben woke up way before his fiancee, and looked at him sleeping. The man was truly tired, and he should have some moments of peace before landing. He was sure that coming back home wouldn’t be great for none of them.

He was more good at hiding his own feelings than Joe, he always was (during the movie shooting, Ben could sense Joe developing a crush on him, but he always imagined it was the ‘movie magic’, them too deep in the story and not knowing what’s real and what’s just acting. That’s why Ben waited for the movie to end to see if there was still something there, before he asked Joe out), and during this crisis he didn’t let Joe see he’s hurt too.

The blond man always knew that house had some strong meaning for his father, because he never missed the date to be there. Years ago, Roger got a cold and his kids tried not to let him get outside on the 22th of May. Somehow the man managed to get away. They laughed a lot about it over the years. But even still Ben never knew what happened to make the Queen drummer leave everything and everyone just to be alone in an empty house.

Now he knew. Something happened there, and John was strongly involved.

His mother probably didn’t know about any of that. Poor Debbie, being left behind while his husband was mourning for someone else. That made Ben wonder if his father ever loved her.

That question grew when he heard Joe having a call with his mother and she said that his father tried to kiss Joe’s father. He never imagined that his father could cheat on his mother; maybe that’s something a child never should worry about, but right now it’s on his mind.

He was still deep in his thoughts when the pilot announced they would land in thirty minutes. So the british actor gently nudged Joe, trying to wake him up.

Joe blinked lazily, focusing his eyes on his fiancee. “What?” he asked, in a raspy voice.

“We’re almost there.” Ben said.

The ginger man’s face got more rigid the next moment. “Okay.”

They did all the procedures to go to the arrival area, both not talking much, giving the other the space to settle all the thoughts and feelings they were having. A mix of awkwardness and tension was on their shoulders, tiring them.

At the top of the airport escalator, holding their bags, they reached for each other’s hands, and shared a glance. They were nervous as hell, but they needed to do that.

A lot it would happen after the revelation, but it’s better than staying in the dark.

In the middle of the escalator they could see a lot of people waiting for the passengers in the arrival area, and Joe saw something.

“They have got to be kidding me!” he hissed. His nostrils were wide and he could almost burn someone with his glance.

Ben looked forward and he saw John and his father looking at them, both smiling and waving at the couple. “Oh, fuck.”

---

The way Joe was looking at him made John worry. Something wasn’t right. He gave a quick look to Roger, who seemed confused, and then back to Joe. Now he looked angrier.

When Joe and Ben reached the floor their parents walked over to them, John still smiling. “Welcome home, guys. How was your trip?” asked John, and his excited tone could mislead anyone.

“How dare you want to be here with him?” fumed the ginger actor, and he didn’t stop walking. He passed by John and Roger, walking to the nearest exit door.

John looked shocked. His son never talked to him like that. “Son, what is wrong with you?”

Joe stopped and looked him up and down. “Don’t call me ‘son’. You’re not my father, because my father would never lie to me! Ever!”

“Joe, babe, let’s go home and talk there.” Suggested the british actor, still holding onto his fiancee.

“Ben, I really don’t care about saying it in front of everyone here!” exclaimed Joe, making some people turn to look at the four. “You, John Deacon, are a fraud!”

John blushed, seeing all the attention they were getting, but also about the words Joe was saying to him.

“Joe, what the hell? You can’t talk with your father like that!” interfered Roger.

Ben snorted, looking towards the Queen drummer. “Don’t talk with my fiancee like that.” he warned him.

“Excuse me? Are you shutting me up, Benjamin?”

“You’re deserving of it big time!”

“Are you mad, Ben? I’m your freaking father!”

“Can you explain why you’re acting like that?” questioned John to Joe.

“Because I know everything, dad.” Joe spoke slowly, letting his words settle. “ Everything .”

John and Roger went blank with those words. It was like a bucket with very cold water had been thrown on them, knocking them out. Their sons’ faces were serious, with a hint of anger, and they both crossed their arms.

The oldest men tried to figure how they could know about them. They couldn’t believe Veronica would say anything about them, so how?

But it didn’t matter in that exact moment how they did; John and Roger needed to explain themselves first.

“Joe, let’s go to your house so we can talk.” John felt like someone used his mouth to say the words.

“I don’t wanna talk with you.” Joe was already putting his hand on his bag again when John held his wrist.

“Please.” John was about to cry, but he was holding himself, because of where they were.

Joe huffed, but even with all the rage he was feeling right now, his heart betrayed him, hurting a little with the scene. “Okay. Whatever you want to tell me you can say it during the ride home.”

“Let me give you a ride too, Ben.” Said Roger, his tone less harshe now. A bit of nervousness could be heard in it.

The blond actor frowned and shook his head. “No, I don’t wanna be near you right now.” And he took his bags and left.

That would be a long night.

Chapter Text

John tried to stay focused on the traffic and look at Joe at the same time. The actor was eyeing the streets, looking pissed. The oldest man was holding the wheel with more strength than necessary, because he was shaking.

“Joe, how...how did you discover about me and Roger?” asked John.

The ginger looked at him and frowned. “Everything you could have asked me, and you go with that? Seriously ?” Joe rolled his eyes in response. “I was serious when I said you only have this car ride to have your say.”

“Sorry.” John said, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. “Well...did you talk with your mom?”

“Yes, she called me. Dad...” Joe could see his eyes burning with anger. “Why the hell did you never tell us anything? You had months, months to tell mom. To tell me!”

John wished he could blame anybody else, but he couldn’t. The only one to blame was himself.

“I was scared, Joe.” Revealed John. “Seeing Roger was...devastating. I thought I’d never need to deal with him in this lifetime, and it was...easier this way.”

“‘Easier’? Are you fucking serious right now?” The actor lost it at John’s words. “I’m about to marry the son of the man you hooked up with, and you’re telling me you didn’t say anything because it was ‘easier’? I can’t believe you!”

For Joe, this was as weird as it was for John. He never yelled at his father, ever; in any other context he would laugh at the possibility, but right now he wasn’t giving a damn.

“What was the deal between you two?” It was perceptible, the disgust in Joe’s tone. “Boyfriends? Lovers?”

Since the day that John saw Roger in his house, he prayed, almost every day, to never have to have this conversation with his sons.

He was a good father: gave them advice, was firm when he needed to be, complimented them when they deserved it, was affectionate in the moments he had to. Anyone – his kids included – always pointed out how caring a father he was.

But talking about his personal life was a barrier he never crossed, and there was a good reason for that. He did a good job avoiding putting the spotlight on him, only talking about his kids’ interests, and putting his own in the background. But now he needed to cross the line that he’d made for himself, if he still wanted Joe in his life.

“It was always just sex.” John answered, in a tone loud enough for Joe to hear it.

Something burned in his stomach. When would he stop lying?

It was gross enough to think about his father as a sexual being, and now Joe needed to think about him as a sexual being with his future father-in-law. Just the thought almost made Joe barf again.

“Roger and I tried to make things less awkward, trying to redeem the friendship we had back then, before everything.” John said anxiously. It was hard to speak about that out loud. “Clearly it didn’t work out, because everytime we were on good terms, something happened to mess it up.”

Joe looked intrigued, and then he remembered. “Oh my God, so that’s why you looked so terrified when you saw Roger. You never had any intention to tell us anything, did you? Everything we know about your previous life, we had to discover by accident.”

“Joe, I stand by what I said.” John’s lips were trembling. “Everything about Queen was too painful to me. We had plans, dreams that we built together, but I couldn’t stay in the band. It’s true that Roger and I fought, it’s true Roger punched me in the face and it’s true that I gave up on the band after that fight.”

They were turning on to their street. John needed to play his last card.

“I did what I did because I was scared that this would happen. My past isn’t the brightest, and I didn’t want it to interfere with my life with your mom, or you and Ben not to be happy. And I want you to be happy.” John said, and put his hand on Joe’s shoulder.

When the actor felt the touch, he looked to his father, and he gave an apologetic smile. Joe knew that all that would lead to his next question.

And he felt he already knew the answer.

“Then what happend for you two to fight?” questioned the ginger man. “And please, be honest.”

John felt a cold stone dropping in his stomach. This wouldn’t end well.

“Veronica...” The brunet swallowed hard. “Veronica got pregnant. With you.”

Joe knew it was his fault. Because of him, their parents had lived a lie, for twenty-two years.

And he remembered how much his mom cried over the phone, and he wasn’t there to comfort her. Because he was on a trip that his dad’s ex-lover gave to him.

With the car still in movement, Joe opened the car door and jumped, running to his parents’ house. John's eyes widened with his son’s action and stopped the car.

“What the–” John turned around to park his car in front of his house and got out of the vehicle.

By the time he got into his house, Joe was screaming his brothers’ names, as loud as he could.

“Fuck.” John finally got it. “Please, don’t do this. Please, Joe.”

“Cam, Luke, come here right now!” exclaimed Joe, and he looked to John. “They deserve to know the father they have.”

“No, they are kids! They don’t need to be in the middle of this mess! I can still save this marriage!”

A door opened and Cameron came out of it, squeezing his eyes with his fingers. “What’s all this yelling?” And then he saw Joe. “I thought I’d only see you tomorrow.”

“Joe, I beg you...” John was pleading, his hands united, trying to reach Joe’s heart, but the ginger didn’t show mercy.

“I was almost sleeping, so it better be for a good reason.” Luke said, and yawned after.

“Dad is a liar. He lied to us all this time.” Joe began.

“No, Joe!”

Cameron and Luke got scared seeing their father, usually a steady and calm person, about to burst into tears.

“Dad used to date Ben’s dad.” Joe said in one-go.

“What?” Cameron shouted.

“Dad is gay too?” Luke frowned, looking floored.

If John thought the way Veronica looked at him last night was horrible, it was nothing compared to the expressions of disappointment on his three sons’ faces. He used a lot of time during all these years to build a healthy relationship with his kids, something he didn’t have time to enjoy with his own father. John promised he’d be the best dad he could ever be.

Right now he felt as if he’d failed, like a big well-set house falling to the ground.

“But why...Joe, why are you bringing that up now?” asked Luke to his brother, intrigued.

Cameron looked at his father, who seemed so small in the middle of the living room right now. “Because something happened between them, right?”

Joe nodded. “Roger tried to kiss dad, so...”

“It’s not over.” Cameron made a disgusted face. “Oh my God, you let me interview your ex-boyfriend!”

“He wasn’t my boyfriend!” exclaimed John, not even knowing why he needed to clarify that.

“That’s even worse!”

Luke widened his eyes. This was way too much for him. “No, dad would never cheat on mom, right?” He looked towards John, sad. “Right?”

“Of course not!” John was trying not to break in front of them, but he never felt so tested in his entire life.

Joe’s eyes were dark. “Right now, dad, it’s a bit difficult to believe any word you say.”

John turned to look at Cameron and Luke. Maybe he could still have them on his side. “Kids, I’d never do that to your mom. I lo...I lo...”

Why was his throat betraying him right now? In the most crucial moment of his life?

“Fuck, he can’t even say that he loves mom.” Cam couldn’t handle it and started to cry, walking towards Joe, who held him and gave him small pats on his back, comforting his young brother.

“She didn’t go and take care of a friend, right, Dad?” Luke asked, his voice showing how hurt he was.

John just shook his head. Joe looked up at that and got more mad.

“Did you lie? Again?” Joe yelled, his vocal chords aching at this point because of the excess use.

“I thought...I could reverse this...she could reconsider and come back home...” John felt the tears accumulating in his eyelids.

“When are you gonna see that your lies only keep us away from you?” Joe turned to his brothers. “Let’s go pack, boys. You’re going to stay some days at my house.”

“No!” John finally moved and reached for Joe’s shirt, grabbing it strongly. “Don’t take my family away from me! Don’t leave me here alone!”

Joe just pulled away from his grip and guided his brothers to their bedrooms, so they could get some clothes.

John was on the ground again, but this time he was punching the tiled floor, murmuring ‘Stupid!’ so many times. He was trying to use all his force to get rid of the frustration that had been growing in his chest since yesterday. His stress was so big that he could barely feel the pain in his knuckles.

Joe shouldn’t, but he walked towards him and held his wrists, making the brunet man look at him. “Don’t do this, you’re going to get hurt.”

Now the man’s face was wet. All the tears he contained were rolling down his cheeks, running towards his chin. “I tried so much not to destroy this family, but it was pointless.”

His instincts told Joe to hug his dad tight, to say that everything one day would be okay, that they would come back for him when the wounds were healed. But his dad needed to know how it felt to be in the dark. He needed to deal with the unknown, with the pain.

“Pointless hurting yourself. Deal with it after we leave, please.” Asked Joe. “For Cam and Luke.”

After his son’s words, John just nodded and wiped his eyes, and put his hands in his pockets. It hurt a bit, but he could handle it.

Cam and Luke came back into the living room, each one with a bag full of clothes. Cam’s eyes were still red, and Luke was looking to the floor, maybe scared to see his father and cry too.

“Joe, Cam, Luke, I’m sorry.” Said John. “I should know better. I should...”

“You said to me, when I came out, that we shouldn’t be afraid to speak our truth.” Cameron said, his voice hard as a rock. “But you didn’t follow your own teachings. I never thought I’d say this to you, dad, but I’m disappointed in you.”

Joe took something from his pocket. “You asked how I discovered.” And the actor showed the photo booth picture to his father. John's eyes widened, surprised to see the picture after all those years. “Keep it.” And he put it in John’s jeans back pocket.

The oldest sibling walked to the front door, being followed by Cam and, with a last sad look, Luke closed the door after passing through it.

---

Roger followed Ben’s taxi, imagining his son would go to his apartment and they could have a heart-to-heart conversation, but after the vehicle passed the access avenue to his son’s place he realized what he was doing. The Queen drummer stepped on the car throttle, to reach the destination first, but maybe the british actor saw that he was speeding up, because the taxi did the same thing.

When Roger parked the car, Ben was getting out of the taxi, and the oldest man followed his son towards the front door. “Benjamin, let’s talk. Just the two of us. Let me–”

“–No, dad.” Ben cut him off. “Veronica called Joe last night. You tried to kiss my fiance's father, are you insane?”

The drummer blinked, surprised with how aware of the events Ben was. “It was a stupid mistake.”

“Yeah? So let Mum decide what she thinks about it.”

Before Roger could detain him, Ben opened the front door to his father’s house, almost running to the stairs. The oldest man followed him, but he only reached him again when he opened Roger and Debbie’s bedroom door.

Debbie, Tiger and Rory were watching a movie on the laptop, and they looked to the door to see the rushed entrance of the two blond men. Rory and Tiger smiled when they saw their oldest brother.

Fuck, Ben didn’t picture having this conversation in front of his sisters. But they were part of the family, they needed to know about their father too.

“Ben, I didn’t imagine we’d see you today.” Commented Debbie.

The british actor looked to his father,–who just slightly shook his head, mutely asking him not to do it–and then to his mother. He never was someone to hold a secret like that, especially about his own father.

“Mum, Dad tried to kiss Joe’s father yesterday.” Announced Ben, in the calmest tone he could manage.

“What the hell?” Tiger was the first to say something.
Rory wasn’t able to vocalize anything, she just let the popcorn she had in her mouth fall to the mattress.

“And they used to have... a thing when they were in Queen together.” Ben continued.

“What the hell???” Tiger sounded more astonished now.

Roger and Debbie shared a glance, which was noticed by their oldest child, and Debbie widened her eyes at her husband. “ Oh .”

Ben got suspicious when he heard his mother’s tone. She wasn’t furious or outraged. It was an acknowledgement about the situation.

“What is going on?” Ben crossed his arms, feelings that the surprises about his father didn’t seem to end.

Roger and Debbie felt their three children glancing at them, and she bit her lip. The drummer got the hint.

“No, Debbie! Don’t!” Roger exclaimed.

“It’s time, Rog.” Debbie stood up from the bed and extended her hand to her husband.

Roger huffed, tired. “ Fuck .”

“Can someone tell me what’s worse than dad cheating on mom?” Rory finally spoke. “I don’t care if you didn’t actually kiss him, it’s still horrible, dad!”

“Plus he’s my fucking father-in-law!” the blond actor added.

Debbie gave a last look to Roger. Maybe she knew the moment Joe’s father was John from her husband’s past, all their secrets would be revealed. She was relieved, in a way, but Debbie never wanted to be like that.

“Your father and I...” Debbie gave a contained smile. “We are both gay.”

“WHAT THE HELL???” exclaimed Tiger.

Ben wasn’t following. His head was spinning so fast. How had this night turned out to be like a horror show?

“But...How...What?” Rory was trying to speak coherently, but after hearing that, it was hard for the girl.

“Our marriage is basically a publicity-relationship.” Debbie continued.

“Stop, just fucking stop!” Ben covered his ears, trying to avoid hearing the rest of the story.

He was supposed to be mad only towards his father, because Roger had hidden something major about his past from him. And now it turned out that his mother was hiding something too. It was too many things to process at once.

“I just don’t...I mean, how has this happened?” Tiger was still trying to figure it all out, still very taken by the news.

Roger was always so good to keep himself out of the media, at least at this point. He never had trouble getting away from the paparazzi when he needed someone for a night. He knew how to stay in the shadows, because he didn’t want his kids to find out from a newspaper or on the internet.

And now he needed to talk about his double life to them.

“Oh, hell.” Roger passed his hands over his face. He really had to do this. “Well, I met Debbie at an after party and we tried to date properly.”

“And then one day I told him that I only liked girls. And your father said he only liked boys.” Debbie explained.

“But we couldn’t come out yet. Your mom just got very good modelling projects, started to get famous. And Queen were still being recognized, also Freddie was openly gay. The band wouldn’t take off with two members being gay.” Roger tried to sound reasonable. “The nineties was still a bit of a conservative decade. Elton John was still in the closet. Elton !”

“I know you’re trying to make it look like there was a good reason for a PR stunt like this, but there’s not.” Ben said, revolted.

“I know too, kid, but that’s what happened.” Roger said.

A tense silence settled for a few seconds, the three blond children trying to digest everything. It was a very hard pill to swallow.

“Wait...so you two knew you’re both gay way before Ben was born?” Rory asked, and she seemed a bit puzzled about it. Debbie nodded. “Then how were us three born?”

Roger knew they would ask that at some point. He felt as if he was about to be sick.

“In vitro.” The oldest woman said.

“Are we test tube babies?” Tiger whined. “Oh my God!”  She said as she hugged her sister.

“I don’t care about being an in vitro baby, the real problem is that you two knew all along about your sexuality and never thought of telling us!” Ben pointed to his parents.

Rory thought for a bit. “Now that I think about it...I don’t remember seeing them kissing each other at home. Just during public events, or in their wedding pictures.” She looked at them, disappointed. “That’s sick.”

“Did you intend to live this lie until you die?” Ben asked, feeling a pain close to his eyes. This talk was making him ill.

“For some reason are you ashamed of being gay?” Tiger spoke in an accusatory tone.

“No, of course not!” Debbie’s voice rose. “To be honest, we always wanted to tell you, but there’s always something that happens to postpone this conversation. First it was Rory that had panic attacks after my mother passed away, then Ben came out to us...”

“And we didn’t want to take your moment away.” Roger quickly spoke.

“...then Tiger came out...”

“And then Ben got engaged.” Roger pointed to his son, and afterwards looked up to him. His blue eyes, normally so bright, were in dark sadness.

“Anyways, there were always little moments that made us stay together a bit longer.”

“Twenty-two years, and three kids, Mum.” Rory said in a dry tone.

Roger felt bad at that moment. He was the reason Debbie didn’t come out before. She was always asking him for a divorce, but the drummer asked her for a few more years. He wanted Rory and Tiger to be at college at least, so they would be adult enough to handle that. Yes, they were mature already, but he knew how it was to only have a parent at home when you’re a teen; you feel something is missing: a place at the table, a good night kiss before bed.

He did his best to be a good father – which his own weren’t able to do – and that meant being present, being supportive of their dreams and ideas. But, of course, being honest with his kids was essential too.

“Did you stay all these years in a straight relationship by choice? Without having someone else?” Tiger questioned. Debbie and Roger shared a look that said it all. “Ugh, I don’t wanna know.”

Debbie used to talk to Roger about her affairs, sometimes having a girlfriend or two. But Roger never wanted to have something longer than a one-time thing. Not tie-ing him up with anyone. Last time he tried...well, he never fully recovered.

“And the cherry on top was you trying to kiss Joe’s father. Your ex-lover.” By the way Ben said that, anyone could hear the hurt in his voice.

“How –” Roger started, but his son cut him off.

“I was in your private house in London. I saw the picture you kept of you two. Kissing.”

Rory and Tiger looked to each other.

“The secret house is because of him?” Rory asked, pissed.

“To cry for him?” Tiger covered her mouth. “You left us every year, no matter what, just to cry for him, dad?”

Roger could see that he was screwed. He knew it’d be bad, but he never imagined seeing the looks on his three kids’ faces: their trust in him being shattered.

Debbie wasn’t any better. She was in as much trouble as Roger – even though he messed up more. The blond woman was trying to make eye contact with Rory and Tiger, but her daughters weren’t glancing back at her. She always wanted to talk about it to her kids, but Roger always asked to wait a bit more, and she always accepted.

“We always told everybody how cool our parents were, how supportive and progressive they were.” Tiger said and Rory and Ben hummed in agreement.

“But now, we see that was all a lie.”

“Don’t say this, Ty.” Debbie’s eyes started to water.

“Ben, can we stay in your house for a few days? I can’t be here right now.” Tiger looked to her big brother, and Rory nodded.

“Of course, girls.” Ben replied.

Roger ran to the bedroom door, blocking it. “No. You can’t leave.” He was trying to sound demanding, but his voice was trembling.

“Dad, you can’t ask us to be here. We need to stay away from you two right now.” Rory said, her face still wet with tears.

“But we are your parents, goddamnit!”

“Our parents, who disappointed us.” And she walked up to him, with sad eyes. “Don’t make this harder, pops.”

Roger knew it’d hurt for him, but he couldn’t maintain his daughters there against their will, so he stepped away, and the two girls passed through the door, leaving Ben alone with his parents.

“I hope you’re happy, because you didn’t only hurt me and my sisters, but also Joe, Cameron, Luke and Veronica. At this time you probably know she left home after your advances on John.” He said, looking at Roger. And then he turned to Debbie. “And you, Mum, you pretended to be Veronica’s friend, and you never, at any moment, thought of telling her about all this between dad and him. I bet you knew all along, right?” and then Ben remembered something. “That’s why you two were so weird when you met John! Oh my God, how was I so stupid?”

“Ben, we are really sorry.” Debbie said, grabbing her son’s hands. “We should’ve done this in a different way, I know, and I wish I could go back in time to make it better.”

“But you can’t, and you two need to deal with your choices.”

Roger was torn. He didn’t know if he should stay still or talk; maybe if he talked it’d get worse, but being frozen right now was physically hurting him.

Eitherway, deep down, he knew he deserved it.

Rory and Tiger got back to the bedroom, with two bags. Ben gave them a nod and looked back to his parents. “Just think about what you did.”

Debbie walked over to Roger and hugged him. They couldn’t do anything but accept the fate that they were alone now.

Chapter Text

John called and texted his sons tons of times, but, of course, none of them replied to him. It was a strange feeling looking to his house and knowing no one would come back there after school, or that he wouldn’t find Veronica cooking their dinner when he got back from work.

Freddie and Brian called, asking him to come over, to keep him company, but he declined the offers. He’s not the best man to be around.

Hours passed and the sadness didn’t leave the man, who was now only seeing the sun going up and down, but it didn’t make any sense to him. Two days came and went without him really noticing.

And in one more act of madness John marched to Joe’s front door and knocked strongly.

“Joseph! Cameron! Luke!” John screamed, feeling his eyes dry from the morning crying (he was so used to crying right now that it was the only part of the day that he remembered). “Please, open the door! You can't avoid your father anymore!”

A neighbor was walking on the sidewalk with her dog and frowned; she’d never seen her quiet long-time neighbor John Deacon behaving like that.

“You’re too important to me. I don’t know what else I have to do so you can understand how sorry I am!” he banged on the door again, frustrated. “Fuck.”

Knowing they wouldn’t open the door, John walked back to his lonely house, feeling so empty.

--- 

Hours later, Joe’s front door was knocked on again. The actor just rolled his eyes. His father needed to give them space.

But when he looked in the magic eye to see who it was, he opened the door, even if he was skeptical.

“Did your husbands send you here?” asked Joe.

“No.” Anita gave an apologetic smile.

“We wanted to talk with Veronica, Joe.” Said Jim.

Joe looked towards his brothers, who were wearing worried expressions, and then bit his own lip. “Look, I don’t want to be rude, but I don’t think it’s a good time. I don’t even know if she wants to see you.”

The look on Anita and Jim’s face made the ginger man look back, and he saw his mother in the hallway. She was still crying now and then, but she didn’t today yet. Veronica was also having trouble sleeping, her oldest son having to cuddle her some nights.

“Joe, that’s okay.” Veronica said, her voice a bit raw. She was still wearing pajamas, and Joe didn’t have the heart to ask her to change. “We can talk in the yard.”

Anita and Jim silently walked into Joe’s house, and followed Veronica to the yard. There were already some chairs there, and they sat in front of Veronica. The three stayed mute for some moments, Veronica not feeling willing to talk, and Jim thought she had the right.

“Ronnie, we came here to know how you are.” Started Jim. “We knew about everything, but we wanted to give you some time to stay with your kids.”

“We’re so sorry for you.” Anita nodded.

Veronica wasn’t touched by their speech, but she got mad when she saw something close to pity in Anita’s eyes.

“So Ben told Joe about his parents’ fake marriage.” Veronica commented. “You are such good friends with Debbie, so I assume you two already knew about this arrangement.”

Anita and Jim looked to each other and then to the woman, and nodded. They knew something would drip on them, but they couldn’t avoid it; Veronica became their friend.

“So you also probably knew about the story between Roger and John.” Veronica said in a questioning tone.

“Ronnie, what happened was way before Anita and I met Brian and Freddie –” Jim tried to defend himself.

“It wasn’t our place –” Anita started to sound fearful.

“That’s not what I asked.” Veronica spoke, tough.

They just nodded.

Veronica closed her eyes and tried to not cry.

The last few days were hell on her. She discovered that her husband had a past with her son’s father-in-law, and the worst part was not knowing that about him. She needed to be childish and sneak towards her own bedroom door and spy on John's conversation with a friend.

Veronica always believed that everyone was allowed to have secrets, but not a huge one like John’s. And she knew, deep down in her heart, that John never attempted to tell her anything. About Queen, about his secret earnings with the band, or about Roger. She was married to him for twenty-two years, raised three children, and still she wasn’t dignified enough to know about his story.

With everything she knew now, Veronica was sure that it wasn’t in the past. It was present in their lives, vivid, pulsing.

If she was strong enough she would go to her house and ask John if someday he ever loved her. But maybe she wasn’t ready yet.

“You know that I don’t have many friends.” Veronica looked to Anita and Jim. “Almost none. And for Joe, I let myself get closer to Ben’s family and everyone else. Even not being like you three, I made myself enjoy your company, until I actually enjoyed it.”

“Oh, Ronnie...” Jim moved his hand to grab Veronica’s, but he thought better of it, and moved it back.

“And you two and Debbie saw Roger and John together, knowing what that meant for them. It wasn’t just an old mate's reunion, it was something else. And you had a bunch of chances to tell me, but you chose not to.”

“Ronnie, we wanted to, really.” Anita said, with a sad tone. “We warned Roger about it, told him that he needed to step away. But we couldn’t do much more than advise him.”

“We care about you, Ronnie.” Jim left the chair and went down on his knees, staying in front of Veronica. “If we didn’t say anything, it was because we never wanted to be in the middle of this.”

“Just like Brian and Freddie. Everyone who’s in the middle of it suffers as much as you.” Anita added.

Veronica snorted. “No. None of you lost twenty-two years with a stranger. You don’t know how it is to wake up every morning thinking it’s just a fucking nightmare, but it’s just your new life.” Veronica couldn’t hold herself back anymore. “I left my country for him, and that’s how he rewarded me. With a life of lies.”

Veronica stood up and wiped at her face. It was too painful to stay there. Anita and Jim stood up too; they knew it was a sign for them to go.

“Veronica, I really hope you can forgive us one day.” Anita said, touching her friend’s cheek. “It doesn’t need to be next week, next month. We’ll be waiting for you.”

“And for the record, Debbie is going through something too, but she’s still thinking of you, dear.” Jim gave her a content smile.

Veronica limited herself to just turn around and go into the house again, walking back to the bedroom.

--- 

John was trying to distract himself with a movie when he heard a knock on his door. He walked to the front door, trying not to get expectations with it; yesterday he ran to the door and got mad that it was just the mailman.

And he was surprised when he saw Debbie at his front door.

“Hello.” John greeted her, hesitantly.Maybe he was showing too much confusion, because the blond woman giggled and said: “Hello, John. I imagine that my visit is such a surprise for you.”

“It is.” He blinked, still surprised. And then he moved aside, opening the door further. “Please, come in.”

“Thank you.”

John didn’t remember having a single conversation with Debbie, at least not without anyone else in the room. Normally it was Veronica or Roger.

He didn’t have anything against the woman, it’s just...he never felt that he wanted to be friends with her like Veronica did. For John, Debbie was just his son-in-law’s mother and Roger’s wife. Nothing else. He never tried to think much about his lack of effort to bond with the blond, but he remembered feeling something that looked like jealousy every time he saw Roger and Debbie making inside jokes or talking with each other away from the others.

Debbie looked around. She never saw the house so messy: dirty dishes on the dining table, glasses around the living room, a pillow and a blanket on the couch, some beers next to it. For her, it was clear that John wasn’t doing well either.

“I wish I could offer you something, but I’m living on leftovers.” John apologized, and he showed the chair for her to sit.

“That’s okay.” Debbie smiled and sat in front of him, John sitting too. “Well, I don’t know if you heard, but Ben, Rory and Tiger discovered about me and Roger.”

“Did you tell them?” asked John, and Debbie nodded. “That was brave.”

“Yes. This and the fact that Ben told the girls about Roger and you, made them leave us.” Debbie took a deep breath. “Based on the way the house is, I guess Cameron and Luke did the same with you.”

“Yes.” John felt a pain in his heart. He looked to his phone for the tenth time today. No reply.

“It’s strange, isn’t it? It’s one thing when your kids move out when they grow up and need to have their own place, and another thing is when they run away from you.” Debbie sniffed, sad. “But that’s not the reason I’m here. I’m here because of Roger.”

John closed his eyes tiringly. “Debbie, I’m sorry, but Roger is my last concern right now. My plate is quite full at the moment.”

“I believe you, but I never saw him this sad. Not even during his father’s funeral.”

“Well, he’s not in a good place with his kids, so it’s understandable not to be okay. And as far I remember, Roger never had a good relationship with his father, so he shouldn’t have been this sad.”

“But being rejected by the man he always loved also doesn't help his mood.” Debbie suggestively raised her eyebrows. “Look, I’m not saying for you two to be together...”

“Good, because we won’t.” John said, in a serious tone, but his red cheeks were saying something else.

“...but I have known Roger for twenty-two years. From time to time he talked about you, and I always saw something else in amongst the nostalgia. My guess? A wonder at how his life would’ve been if you chose him over Veronica.”

John swallowed hard. Over the years, during drunk nights, he wondered that too. Those vulnerable moments were the only ones he allowed himself to think about Queen...and Roger. How it would be to still be the Queen bassist, being famous and running around the world on tours, on stage with his friends and loving...

No. He couldn’t have his sons’ trust back if Roger was in his life.

“I’m sorry, Debbie, but I don’t have anything to offer him.” John said, trying to sound determined.

The blond tilted her head and gave him a disbelieving glance. “Fuck, Roger was right. You are really stubborn. Anyway, Veronica could not see it, for obvious reasons, but I could. And I saw, a lot of times. Roger was not alone in this, John, and you know this.”

“Debbie, I don’t have time for this! My sons aren’t speaking with me because of everything Roger brought with him! Baggage too heavy to carry on, for what I suffered in silence for years because I didn’t want my family to find out for a reason! And now look what happened! I’m here, in this house, all by myself! No wife, no kids!” John exclaimed and stood up after.

“Do you see your guilt in that happening, right?”

John couldn’t believe the woman’s nerve. “Are you serious right now? Did you come to my house just to say this?”

Debbie stood up too. “No, I came here to say that I had to buy a saline drip because Roger is refusing to eat. He’s not okay, John, and the only person that can probably lift him up again is you.”

The brunet man’s eyes widened. He knew that Roger always took his things in levels that normal people can’t. But Roger never was a normal man; he was one of a kind.

“I can’t believe you care about this stuff when your kids aren’t talking with you.” John commented, avoiding the previous subject.

Debbie shrugged. “You know, I raised them well. I know how they behave and think. We just need to give them time to accept the news. And if I was you I wouldn’t worry too much. I mean, it’s horrible not knowing when they’ll come back to us, but they will eventually.”

John wanted to believe in that. He wanted to believe that his kids would one day hug him again and leave all this behind them.

“Either way, Debbie, to get my children back I’ll do anything. Including cutting Roger completely out of my life.” Said John, his heart betraying him and clenching at the thought of it.

“I wish Roger could do the same, but I never had hope with it. I don’t know if Joe told you this, but every 22nd of May, he goes to a house to mourn. Every year, since you left the band.”

John blinked, surprised. Would that be the house they...? No, it couldn’t be possible.

Debbie walked to the front door, seeing that she couldn’t do anything else. Roger didn’t ask her to do anything, she wanted to. The Queen drummer was her best friend, her confidant, and most of all the father of her kids. He had plenty of flaws, but he also deserved a chance at love. She knew Roger never had a boyfriend, and she knew the reason.

The reason still looked taken by the new information.

“Debbie.” Called John, and the woman turned back to him. “When I said it was brave, I said about telling them the truth, not about being in a fake marriage for twenty-two years and lying to your kids.”

Debbie laughed. She could see why Roger never stopped loving that man. “But are we not in the same boat, John?”

Chapter Text

Roger tried to distract himself in the studio. There were some songs to record and that was the only thing that he could do to avoid the bad thoughts. Tiger and Rory were still at Ben’s flat, and the last time he heard about them was Ben texting him, saying they arrived at the flat.

Freddie and Brian until that moment were silent about the whole I-had-sex-with-John-and-he-dumped-me-after situation because they could see Roger was dealing with too many things at once. He just restarted to sleep at night, so they would take baby steps.

But then they were in the studio booth, recording Roger’s part for a song called One Vision – which John helped in some verses, but either way didn’t claim the song as his too – and he was drumming a very tricky session when he lost the tempo.

“That’s okay, darling.” Spoke Freddie on the mic. “You were doing great. Let’s try again.”

They tried three more times, but the blond kept losing the tempo of the song. Roger murmured something to himself, but it was so low that his bandmates didn’t catch it. Brian looked worriedly to Freddie, thinking their friend was going to get pissed soon.

The drummer took a deep breath and tried, for the fifth time, to do the drum session. And he sped up.

“That’s alright, Rog.” Assured Brian. “Do you want to –”

But before he could finish the suggestion, Roger stood up from his chair and yelled “You little piece of shit!” and threw his fist into the drum tom and tore it up.

With that Freddie and Brian ran into the studio, now seeing Roger kicking the hi-hat, and before he could entirely destroy the drums, the guitar player walked faster towards the blond and grabbed his arms, holding him from behind.

“Let me go, Brian!” demanded Roger.

“No. You’re gonna hurt yourself.” Freddie said and Brian nodded. “Rog, you’re not 20 years old anymore, breaking your instrument like an idiot.”

“I’ll break this entire studio if I want to, and if you don’t like it, get out of my house!” Roger had fury in his eyes.

And seconds later he was crying. Brian released the blond’s arms and hugged him, Roger not resisting and hugging him back. Freddie let out a pitiful sigh, and walked up to them, caressing the drummer’s hair.

Roger hated how his life was right now. His kids weren’t talking with him right now, even though he tried to talk with them. Debbie tried again, but she was more hopeful than him; she said they would turn around eventually. But he didn’t want to wait. His marriage with Debbie might be fake, but the results of it were real. His love for Ben, Rory and Tiger were real. They were the only people that could make any dark day bright.

And now the only person he wanted to hug him and cuddle him, didn’t want to see his face, maybe ever again. Not having John in that moment–together with Brian and Freddie–made Roger feel like he was in the rain again, being left behind one more time.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Said Roger, between tears. “It’s too much.”

“Sorry, mate. Do you want me to talk with Ben and the girls?” asked Freddie, trying to help.

“They will listen to us, I’m sure.” Added the guitar player.

Roger knew they would offer this, but it’s not their place. He should do that, but he’s afraid it was too soon and they could shove him off.

He could hear that voice again, saying something like ‘You’re as bad as your father’ next to his ear.

“Thanks, mates, but,” Roger wiped away his tears and looked to the other two men. “I just need a moment. You know my timing, I needed to put out the rage.”

“But I bet you’d be better if John was here, supporting you too, right?” guessed Freddie, with an uncertain smile.

Roger looked away. “He was very clear with me. I don’t want to crawl back to him, like a loser. I’ve been through this enough.”

Brian gave a knowing glance to Freddie, who just nodded at him. With that the curly-haired man pulled away from the hug and walked out the studio. Roger was just confused and looked at Freddie.

He simply said “Just wait.”

Then five minutes later, Brian was back with a paper in his hands. Roger didn’t understand, but his friend handed the paper and asked “Read it.”

Roger nodded slightly and looked at what was written on the top of the paper.

Pain is so Close to Pleasure by John Deacon

“That’s –” the drummer didn’t tear his eyes away from the paper.

“John’s new song.” Brian affirmed. “He left it with me, because he wanted me to build the riffs.”

Roger got curious and started to read, not even knowing why.

Ooh, ooh, pain is so close to pleasure, oh yeah
Sunshine and rainy weather go hand in hand together all your life
Ooh, ooh, pain is so close to pleasure everybody knows
One day we love each other then we're fighting one another all the time

Somehow...this reminds him of...

No, he can’t be right.

He kept eyeing the lyrics, trying to keep his hopes low.

There's nothing in this world to be sure of anymore
Some days you're feeling good, some days you're feeling bad
But if you're feeling happy someone else is always sad
Let the sweetness on love wipe the tears from your face
For better for worse, so let's make the best of the rest of our years

He could hear John saying he brought out his best, but also his worst.

Freddie observed attentively, and then he asked “Now tell me: does this seem to be made by someone who’s not conflicted by their own feelings?”

Roger wanted to make his stupid heart not jump with this question. He didn’t want to believe just in assumptions. He needed harder proof.

“This looks like he’s into BDSM.” Said Roger.

Brian laughed, muffling his mouth after.

“The only person in this room that could possibly know that is you.” Teased Freddie. “But there’s another thing.”

Freddie was still blinking in front of his computer. He just got an email from his former bandmate John Deacon. He didn’t hear a word from him in ages, any band issues related to him were initiated by Miami.

It was a short e-mail. He said he married his girlfriend and now they had a baby boy named Joseph. He prefered to live in another country and he’s now in America, and he congratulated Queen on their success. And then he said he had a gift to give Freddie.

The Queen main singer saw an attachment in the email, and he clicked on it. Freddie saw there was an attachment, with the name ‘Spread your Wings by John Deacon’.

It had very touching lyrics, and Freddie got emotional with it.

Since then they kept exchanging emails almost every day, at some point John gave him his phone number. They chatted for hours, laughing about some stories Freddie shared about the tour.

“Oh, John, I missed you so much!” confessed Freddie. “The tour wasn’t the same without you.”

“I miss you too, Freddie.” John said, with a light tone.

“I bet you miss even Brian’s lectures.”

“Wrong bet.” And they laughed.

Freddie could feel the heavy silence after that. Maybe it was too soon to mention Roger.

“So...you never said if you’re going to use my song on the newest Queen album.” John changed the subject.

“Well, I thought you only wanted my opinion on if it’s a good song.” Freddie spoke. “You could easily sell it for any band.”

“But I don’t want to. I’d rather hear my song being sung by you.”

Freddie paused a bit, thinking if he should ask. But in the end he questioned it. “Can Brian and Roger know it’s your song?”

“I’d rather they not know. It’d be weird...for some people.”

Freddie smiled. Deep down, he knew John better than the youngest man could imagine. “Maybe ‘some people’ would feel honoured to know you made a song for them.”

“I...there’s no muse behind this song.” John’s voice cracked in the end.

‘Not ready yet’, thought Freddie. “But I’d say to Miami to send the royalties of this song to you.”

“Fine.”

“John only made two songs for Queen. Both inspired by you.” Freddie said, confidently.

Roger melted for a few seconds, but something held him back. “Yeah, right. But where’s John to tell this to me? I told him that I loved him, but he didn’t say he loved me back.”

“Remember that he’s passing through a major change in his life too, mate. He needs time, but without Veronica around, he will see better.”

“Freddie and I knew, since the day Ben and Joe were working together on the same movie, something like that would happen. It didn’t matter if we said to you about Joe being John’s son, because it’d happen, sooner or later, but it’d happen.” Brian pointed. “You two are like tectonic plates, impossible to not shock when united.”

“So we’re bad for each other, just like John said!” exclaimed Roger, horrified.

“Yes, you mess things up and change the whole picture, but so does nature. And you two can’t go against nature.”

“What we’re trying to say is” Freddie spoke again. “We’d love to help John to restore his family if that was the best for him, but it’s not. We’re with him all the way until now, and we saw all the problems, all the ups and downs, and as much as I like Veronica, she never was the right person for John.”

Roger could hear his heart saying quietly; ‘You are’.

--- 

John didn’t have any new excuses to escape from work, so he went to his job, trying to look as presentable as he could. The house was still a mess, but he could organize it after.

People greeted him when they saw him, some of them asking why he wasn’t there the last few weeks, and he just lied about an illness.

The whole day he tried to not remember how miserable his life was, as he was catching up with the accumulated work. He wrote some emails and sent some material to some affiliated records. It was an almost normal day.

He just needed to pretend he’s okay for another hour and go home, eat some unhealthy food and sleep. But then his boss showed up in his office. “Hi, John. Glad you finally showed up.”

“Yeah.” John didn’t want to chat. His eyes were still on his computer.

“Just make sure next time you don’t ghost me for days, or else I’ll need to find another assessor.” He gave John a sly smile.

John stopped what he was doing and looked up at the man. He was around his age, more gray hair than John, and he remembered he was at that music company almost at the same time as him.

“What did you say?” John asked, frowning.

“Well, you called asking for some resting days, not a resting month.” Justified the boss.

John took a deep breath. He’s an inch away from losing his mind. “I have never called in a sick day since I started here. I barely stayed at home when my sons got born.”

“Well, it was your choice. You could –”

“I accepted it every time you called me during the holidays, because one of the employees couldn’t come in, and I never complained when you didn’t give me credit about some accomplishments I did for the company!”

“Well, I’m your superior, so –”

John pumped his fist on his table. This made some heads turn to look to them, but John didn’t care about that.

“I never asked for anything in the last twenty-two years. Anything. All I wanted is for you to have my back when my world is falling apart.” John was trembling, and the other man started to stare scared at him.

“Deacon, calm down.”

“I don’t want to calm down. I want to get out of here. I accepted being miserable for too long, but it wasn’t enough.” John stood up and grabbed his things on his desk, putting on his bag. “I’m free-ing myself.”

At this point, everyone in the office was watching them. John could feel something inside him pumping in his veins, making him more alive than he was in the last few days.

“What are you saying?” asked the man, a bit taken aback. Maybe he never saw John Deacon being like that.

“I’m out.” John simply said, zipping up his bag. “Tomorrow I show my resignation.”

And John walked out of the office, feeling tons of pairs of eyes glancing surprised at him.

Only when John was in his car, leaving the building, the man realized what he just did. He yelled at his boss and quit from the only job he had since he came to the USA. His hands started to get cold.

“Fuck! Fuck!” And he hit his head on the wheel. “Fucking hell, John.”

How would he pay his bills? Of course he had the Queen royalties, but it wasn’t enough.

How would he pay for Cameron and Luke’s college? Veronica and him saved some money and put it in the bank, but they were counting on John’s paycheck until there.

How would John survive?

He decided to go home and only after a hot bath and dinner, think about it.

John turned on the radio and – just to lighten his mood even more – a Queen song started to play. He couldn’t stop thinking what Roger's reaction would be about John quitting his job. He probably would say ‘it’s about time!’ and say that was the perfect moment for John to go back to Queen.

Even against his will, when his mind wasn’t on his sons and Veronica, John wondered how Roger was after the fight with his children. He probably couldn’t even drum right – John knew him enough to know how he tried to cope with music.

His eyes lit up when he saw Luke on the front door holding two bags, seemingly a bit nervous. John parked the car in front of his house and the boy turned around. John’s smile was big when he walked to his son.

“Hi, Luke.” John said, nervous enough to hug him.

“Hi, dad.” Luke nodded politely. “I just came here to grab some clothes for me and Cam. We already tried all the combinations with the clothes we have at Joe’s.”

“Of course, right.” John grabbed his keys to open the door.

John was so excited to see and talk with his son that he completely forgot how his house was on the inside. When the door was open and they got into the house Luke's eyes widened when he saw the mess. John’s cheeks got red in a second.

“Sorry for the mess. I didn’t imagine that you would come here today.” John ran to the kitchen, to grab a plastic bag and get the garbage from the living room.

“That’s alright.” Luke just shrugged. “So, let me get the clothes.”

John smiled and nodded, keeping the garbage in the bag. Seeing Luke gave him more hope about his sons, and today was the day he needed the most to have hope about something.

When Luke got back from the bedroom, John was putting some leftovers in the bag and closing it. The man smiled when he saw his son. “Got everything you needed?”

“Yes.” Luke was holding the bags, but seemed undecided on what he should do next.

John used this moment to ask “How is your Mom?”

“She’s calmer today, but I asked once if she’s ready to talk with you and she said no.”

“Okay. I understand.” John said. “And how are you, Cam and Joe?”

“Cam keeps saying he was dumb, because he knew your tattoo meant something more than a drunk tattoo. Joe tries not to look angry all the time for Mom, and I can see something is off between him and Ben.”

Luke stared at the floor, and John could see the same expression he saw on that day he picked him and Cameron up at school. Deep sadness.

“Luke, what is wrong?” asked John, walking to his son and putting his hand on his shoulder in the end.

The boy looked at his father again. “You know, I don’t care if you’re into men. You’re still my father.”

John blinked, surprised. He wanted to hear something like that from Luke, but his mind usually wasn’t directed to him, but to Cam and Joe.

“I know, surprise, surprise.” Luke laughed humorlessly. “But I really don’t care. Is he here right now?”

“Who?” John got more intrigued.

“Roger.” Luke replied, and seeing his father confused, he added; “Well, I imagined that now you two could, you know , do what you want, since mom is out of the picture.”

“Don’t say that, Luke. I’ll do everything I can to –”

“–Dad.” Called the boy, seriously. “Mom’s not coming back home. I can see the difference between now and the last time.”

John wasn’t following his son’s track of thought. “What ‘last time’, Luke?”

“Well, Joe doesn’t remember it because he was at the summer camp, and Cameron was sick at the time, so he was always dizzy or sleeping, but I remember the time you spent ten days at your boss’ house because ‘he was out of town and he asked to take care of his mansion’. Mom wasn’t creative with her story, but for a six years old  she thought it was enough. And the fact that grandma came to stay some days here at the same time you were gone.”

The brunet man was surprised. Yeah, that was one time Veronica and him weren’t in their best shape and he had to stay some days away from home. Veronica’s mom came all the way from England to help her clear her mind, and in the end they got back together. Joe was already twelve and could be harder to deceive, so they agreed to never talk to him about that story.

John believed his two young sons wouldn’t maintain that kind of memory. But of course he was wrong.

“The moment you said about mom spending some days away from home, I knew you fought.” Luke continued. “I just thought that it could be just another fight, that you could make up.”

“And we can, Luke. We can.” John gave him a hopeful smile. Trying to believe in it too.

The boy just shook his head, devastated. “You can’t. Because even having my stupid hopes, I always knew you two would divorce at some point. I’m young, dad, but I know something about love when I see Joe and Ben together.” Luke's shoulders slumped, sad. “I never saw half of it in you and mom. Maybe you two like each other, of course, but it’s not love. And if with all this time you were together and having three kids you never reached love, I think it’s time to give up.”

Luke’s words went through John, sharply.

“I always thought your relationship with Mr Taylor was strange, but now I can understand what I saw. It’s something powerful, and even when you two were fighting, you couldn’t set off what you have. And now everyone knows what’s going on, maybe you can set yourself free. You can live your life.”

John couldn’t believe he was hearing this coming from Luke.

“I mean, we kinda expect you to figure it out with him, to be honest.” added Luke.

“Your brothers would still love me?” asked John, afraid.

“Yeah, dad. Just let us be a bit angry about all this. We deserve that.”

Without knowing what to say, John just nodded to Luke.

The boy grabbed his bags and walked to the front door, giving a more warm smile to his father.

“Luke.” John called him one last time. “You never told me the difference between now and the last time.”

“Oh, yeah.” Luke agreed. “The last time she cried calling for you to come back. Now she just says for you to go to hell.”

Chapter Text

John Deacon: Can you please come here? I need to talk to you.

John never imagined that he would hear what he heard from Luke. It was surprising that he, of all his three sons, seemed to be more chill with the whole situation. And that made the man think.

About what he wanted for his life. About his marriage. About family. About love.

His sons would linger a bit before they’d want to talk to him again, but that was their right. Their lives were now upside down, and they needed to get used to it. Maybe it would be more difficult for Joe to forgive him, but...he’d do his best to be on good terms with him.

But the cat was out of the bag, so there was nothing that he could do to make his life worse than it already was.

The doorbell was heard and John felt something hard against his chest. Was he doing the right thing?
John opened the door, looking with a sad expression at the person in front of him.

“Now what, Deaky?” Roger asked, moving his gaze from his phone to John. “Don’t have anyone else to yell at, so you want to –”

But the drummer stopped talking when he saw John’s helpless eyes, ready to cry. That made Roger cut off his sassy façade and get closer to the brunet man.

“Oh John, what happened?” Roger closed the door behind him and put his arm around John’s back, supporting him. “You look like you’ve not eaten in days.”

“It’s...I just skipped breakfast and lunch.” John said, in a weak tone.

“Are you fucking serious?” Roger rolled his eyes. “Let me set you on the couch and I’ll make you a cheese on toast. It’ll help you.”

John just let Roger lead him to the living room, sitting him on the couch, and then the blond walked to the kitchen.

It was quick. While the toast was heated with the cheese, the water for the tea was boiled. Roger tried his best to make the snack while keeping an eye on John. He wasn’t like that just because he skipped meals.

Debbie told him about her visit to John. About Cameron and Luke not being at home. About John being alone. Roger had an idea on how he was feeling – not only because he’s experiencing the same with his children, but he knew John’s biggest fear was being alone, like the brunet felt when his dad passed away.

Then why had John texted him? Because they were, again, alone in the house.

Roger got back into the living room, and gave the snack to John. “If I remember correctly, you like your tea with a bit of milk, no sugar.”

John nodded. “Thanks. I feel bad for making you cook for me. I know we’re not on best terms at the moment.”

The Queen drummer just waved his hand, and sat on the couch. “Nonsense. Just eat.”

John was eating but still thinking that Roger could have ignored his text and not come to his home. Even with his attitude in the beginning...he still cared about him. At that moment that’s all he needed to know.

“Debbie told me about the girls.” John said, sipping his tea. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. It’s weird not hearing them laughing around the house.” Roger gave him a sad smile. “She told me about the boys. I’m sorry too. You should at least let Freddie and Brian come here, to keep you company.”

John swallowed his mouthful of tea and put the cup on the small table in the living room. “Yeah, I know, but...I was grumpy the first few days.”

“But that’s what friends are for, to help you in any moment.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t want to discuss it with them, when the only one that could be blamed was me.”

John looked to his lap, powerless. All he wanted was to have his life back, but after all that happened, he understood that he couldn’t ask for that. Because it never could be the same again.

“You will find a way to have Veronica and your boys back, John. I’m sure of it.” Roger said, and when John looked at him, he smiled.

“Well, now I’m more concerned about my sons than with Veronica.” John said.

Roger was confused. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that my marriage is over, and I have to face it. Me and Veronica need to get a divorce.”

“But...why?” Roger said with wide eyes.

“In fact, I never should have married her.”

Roger couldn’t understand. Why was John telling him this? The last time Roger was at this house, the other man said that he needed to have his family again. Including Veronica.

“I married her for the wrong reasons. She was carrying a baby, my baby, and I thought that it was enough. That Joe could make us good parents, and a good family. And somehow I know that Joe thinks he’s the guilty one for this marriage ending, but he’s not. I am.” John spoke.

“Then why did you marry Veronica?” asked Roger, more curious than ever.

“I had a father for only ten years, and I never felt the kind of bond I had with him with anyone else. He was my hero.” John showed a nostalgic smile. “I thought that my kid should have a family, with a father and a mother at home, united. And even in the moments I thought of...not being with Veronica, I wanted to be as close as I could to him.”

Roger was wearing a concentrating expression, and then he commented: “I remember that you said that you would break up with Veronica.” His blue eyes focused on John. “That was before you knew about her pregnancy?”

John nodded. “I called her after I finished the tattoo, and then I was ready to break up with her, ready to...” he looked deeply into the blond’s eyes. “Anyway, she said to me that she was pregnant, and I couldn’t break up with her. I was a coward.”

Roger moved aside, to see John better. “Did you ever have feelings for her?”

“I tried so hard, especially after Joe was born, to have a connection with her, but...I never truly loved Veronica.” John felt like the worst man on Earth. “Then, with time, I tried to look to her qualities that I value. She’s a good mom, a great listener, is funny, does a lot of things in the bedroom...”

Roger lifted his hands. “You don’t need to share everything.”

“What I’m trying to say is that I tried every day to be worthy of her affection, but I couldn’t reciprocate everything she felt for me. This always makes me feel bad, that’s why I tried to be perfect in other aspects.”

“Including forgeting to tell her and your sons about your past life and how you used to have sex with your bandmate?” Roger said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

John let out a quick laugh. “Yeah. The moment I saw you at Joe’s house was one of the scariest moments of my life.”

“I could tell. You were paler than you already are.”

They laughed together. It was weird for them to have a moment of fun, after all they’re been through, but it was good to feel a bit lighter.

Roger still could see the fear in John’s eyes. “If you could change the past, like tell them about me and Queen, would you do it?”

After that question John understood what Roger was meaning with it. He wanted to know if he still wanted a chance with Veronica.

“What is done is done.” John shrugged. “I made Veronica suffer, even when she didn’t know it. Passing two decades with me, when she could be with someone that actually liked her, it’s evil.”

Roger put his hand on John’s shoulder. “Hey, don’t say that. I told you to marry her, because I also thought it was the right choice. I didn’t have a good example of a father myself, but I knew you’d be a great father.”

“So...That was your reason to push me away?” John frowned.

The drummer nodded, guilty. “It’s not the best reason, but yes.”

That made John smile. “Well, even not having a good father figure, you turned out a good father for Ben, Tiger and Lola.”

“Tons of practice and a lot of nerve. They were quite energetic.” Roger giggled. “And I hope this can help me to have them come back to me someday.”

“They will, I’m sure.” Then John showed a lighter smile. “I still can’t believe that you passed as straight this whole time. I mean, I thought you didn’t mind about this back then.”

Roger got nervous. He couldn’t say the reason without looking like a sappy fool.

“Roger, we’re having a heart-to-heart talk right now.” John pointed out. “You need to say the truth.”

“Well, I planned to come out of the closet after you left, but...I never found someone else that was worthy to do it for.” Roger got red in a second.

John got it, and his heart started to race. Some pride filled his body to know that he never had someone else as important as h...

“And what would you do differently, Rog?” John shifted closer. “In your life, what would you say or do differently in the past?”

The drummer could feel the intensity of John’s gaze on him. He shivered.

“It doesn’t matter now. As you said, what’s done is done.” Roger said, trying to resist, but an invisible force was dragging him down.

Closer to John. Closer to his l...

“Perhaps...Perhaps I never wanted to lose contact with you. We could stay as friends. I never wanted to have you out of my life.” The blond man said, blinking. “Those years were so...”

“Lonely? I know that. I feel that.” John nodded, cupping Roger’s face, caringly. “All this time I tried to save a failing marriage just to reaffirm to myself that you’re not important to me, that we were in the past.” John’s face was getting closer. “But no matter how hard I try, you don’t leave.”

The tip of John’s nose was touching Roger’s, and the drummer was paralysed, enchanted by the freckles on John’s cheeks. Roger used to count them one by one when they were in bed, years and years ago.

“I hate the fact that you actually never left me. An ocean was too small to distance you.” John whispered.

“What are you doing, John?” asked Roger, his voice peachier than usual.

“You found me again. I found me again.”

And John fit his lips to Roger’s. He parted his lips delicately, taking the drummer’s lower lip between his own, making the other man feel the taste of his tea.

He put himself in the blond’s lap while he sucked deftly against his lip, humming excitingly during the motion. Roger grabbed his neck digging his fingers intoon John’s soft hair, and he tried miserably to contain a moan when John moved against his lap, but one of the brunet’s hands were moving to his neck, making the drummer’s skin feel like it was on fire.

John was now on his knees above the couch, while his hands got down to Roger’s trousers, trying to open it up. And despite how Roger was craving for some action, he pulled away from the kiss and held John’s hands.

“No, Deaky.” Roger opened his eyes, seeing John confused. “You can’t do this with me again.”

“What? I thought you wanted to.” John said, accusatory.

“Of course I want to, but not like that.” Roger moved John from his lap, and he stood up. “Last time I was here we had sex, and after you kicked me out.”

“Yeah, but a lot happened after that, Roger.”

John, like always, wasn’t figuring out what Roger really wanted from him.

“I don’t want to be just pity sex, just because you lost your wife.” Roger crossed his arms.

“Did you hear what I said before? ‘Failed marriage’, ‘I never truly loved Veronica’. Is this ringing any bells?”

John moved closer to Roger again, but the older man just stopped him.

“It’s not just that. I don’t wanna feel you want me just because you’re lonely, and the first opportunity you feel better, you take me out of the picture.” Roger spoke, defensively.

John couldn’t blame Roger. Their story was full of moments with John letting him down.

But now he didn’t have reservations. John wasn’t afraid anymore.

“I know I did this a lot before, but my feelings for you...they are true.” John grabbed Roger’s hands, squeezing them a little. “In the past, when I was with Queen, I thought you’re way out of my league. I never imagined that you could possibly want something from me.”

Roger turned around, shocked. “Are you joking? Just look at yourself! John, you’re amazing, you always were!”

John got shy the next moment. “But I’m nothing compared to you.”

“You can have your insecurities, but I always saw your qualities. You’re clever, and hard-working, and caring and determined. In the end I thought...Well, I always thought you only saw my looks, and that’s why you wanted me. Just for sex.”

“Then you’re the one who’s not seeing yourself right.” John got closer again. “Of course you’re gorgeous, but you’re also smart, and passionate, and ambitious. I thought you knew that.”

Roger laughed, shaking his head unbelieving. “So it seems we lost twenty-two years because we never said out loud how we really felt.”

“On the bright side we had children.”

Roger blinked, and then something hit him. “Deaky, what about your sons? If they knew I’m here, they would never...”

John couldn’t stop thinking about Joe, Cam and Luke. But he gave them a lot of happiness during those years, while he gave to himself just a basic life. He sacrificed himself twice for the sake of them, and he couldn’t make it a third time.

“I love them so much, and maybe they will get more mad with me than before, but I can’t expect you to  always answer my call. To be honest, I don’t even know why you’re here.” John’s hands went to the blond’s waist and he pulled him closer to glue their bodies together.

Roger bit his own lip. Yeah, there was a moment that he considered not going there, to ignore John and live his life. But that’s not Roger. As he said before, it’s stronger than his own will.

“What can I say? You also brought up my best and my worst.” Roger smiled.

“Right now I just want your best.” John assured him.

John brushed his lips on Rogers, when he could feel the other man slightly shaking in his arms. His expectation just made John want him even more. The brunet man squeezed Roger’s waist, just to hear him groan with it.

When John was about to kiss him, Roger put his hands on his face, stopping the motion. “John, are you sure about this?” the blond couldn’t just let himself be carried away for the emotion. “Joe and Ben, they won’t be pleased with it.”

“I know.” John nodded, serious. “But you know what? They need to deal with it. You know why I put an ocean between us?”

“Why?”

“It’s not because I was afraid to see you. I was afraid of myself, because I knew I could hold myself for some time, but not forever. What we had, what we have, it’s a kind of magic.”

After his talk with Luke, John understood that he couldn’t run away anymore. Every step, every road he could take, Roger was there. He tried for so long to escape from his grip, and it was exhausting and meaningless, because he was his past and his present, and if Roger allowed him to, he could be John’s future.

He finally accepted the reason why he never was able to love Veronica: because the only person that saw his vulnerabilities and flaws was the Queen drummer. Being around him was always a risk, but he was seduced by it in the second he put his eyes on Roger again. It was, indeed, magic; John never understood it, but he always wanted to have it.

“How do you know about...” asked the blond man.

Before he could say anything else, John moved away and got something out of a book, going back to Roger and showing him. It was the photobooth pictures of them.

“I can’t believe you had this picture after all this time.” Commented John.

Roger blushed with it. “I like it. Reminds me how we started, and how crazy we were back then.”

John laughed, nodding. “Fuck, we were crazy. But we still can be crazy together. You know, a third chance is a charm.”

The drummer giggled. He wished he had the heart to say no again to John, because he’s still afraid, but it’s pointless to swim against the current.

“You need to say with words, John.” Roger turned his face. “Not between the lines. I want the words.”

John smiled. It should have been said ages ago and now, without all the chains that held John up, he could do that.

“I love you, Roger. Always did and always will.” John was still smiling when he leaned again.

And this time Roger didn’t stop him.

Chapter Text

The alarm rang out on the nightstand, and John instinctively turned it off. He didn’t need to wake up early, since he was still without a job. A thing that he changed in his life in the last few days.

Another major thing that changed was the blond man next to him, snoring loudly in his sleep. John needed to be madly in love to smile with passion at such a loud noise coming from Roger.

With caution, John stood up naked from his bed and grabbed his night robe, walking on the tips of his feet to the bedroom door. He was in the mood to make a good breakfast for his lover.

He was whistling some random song while he made pancakes and juice. The brunet danced in the middle of the kitchen as he took out a couple of mugs and plates and moved, still in the rhythm as he put them on the table. He smelled the pancakes and ran to take them out of the toaster, wondering if he should grab a tray and take the breakfast up to Roger in bed.

Well, after two rounds of sex and letting John spoon him, the man deserved it.

John was looking for the tray when he heard a yell.

“John! Deaks! Where are you?!?”

John quickly looked towards the hall and got worried when the calling got louder, and rushed footsteps were heard. When the brunet reached the corner, he found Roger running to him, only in his pants. It looked like Roger was scared, because he hugged the other man tight and was shaking.

“Rog, what happened? Some nightmare?” questioned John, seeing the blue eyes shining with fear.

“I...It’s because I woke up and you weren’t there.” Roger tried to not sound like a little boy, but his voice was weak and his lashes batted quickly. “I thought you left me again.”

John contained a laugh.

“Do you realize you’re at my house? So how could I possibly leave you?” It was impossible not to hear the humour in his voice.

That only made Roger feel more small and scared. John sensed it wasn’t the moment to make fun of it, but to embrace Roger’s insecurity.

After all he couldn’t blame the man.

John held the blond man in his arms and touched his hair while John looked at him with a crescent smile. “I’m sorry, Roger. But you need to know that this won’t happen again. You’re trapped with me from now on.”

Roger’s expression softened at that, and he blushed. “Fuck, I screamed like a teenage boy.”

“That’s fine. By the way I came here to do this.” John moved aside so the other man could see the breakfast. “I was planning to take this up to bed.”

The Queen drummer’s eyes shined with the gesture. “Deaky, you don’t have to.”

“But I want to.” The brunet gave a small peck on Roger’s lips. “Treat you like you deserve.”

“Uh, I like that.” That made John laugh.

They decided to eat breakfast at the dining table anyways. John was listening to Roger speak about some songs they still needed to finish before they could send the album to the studio – they could pretend the small studio was good enough to record a full album, but it wasn’t.

It was weird to see Roger talking in such a professional manner, about music techniques and all. Maybe it was weird because it was new for John, and he’s ready to see all his new sides.

Roger’s phone started to ring next to his plate, and on the screen it was showing Freddie was calling him.

“Good morning, your highness.” Echoed Roger, smiling. And he clicked on the speaker, so John could hear them.

“WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, ROGER MEDDOWS TAYLOR?” yelled Freddie. “You didn’t sleep at home and didn’t send any messages. Brian called you several times and you didn’t pick up your phone. I was ready to prepare a funeral and I realized I don’t have any clothing for this!”

“Damn, Freddie, my mom died three years ago. No need to play her role right now.”

“Don’t play with me, blondie. I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night, I was that worried about you.” Freddie sounded tired, indeed. “And now you sound so rested. I was already thinking you’re at some dig. Thankfully you’re not, because I don’t have the heart for a mourning interview.”

John giggled with his friend. He really was a character.

“Sorry, mate, for disappearing.” Roger looked to John, without knowing what to say to the main singer.

“No, I’m sorry, Freddie.” Spoke John, making Roger’s eyes turn wide with surprise. “That’s my fault that he’s out of reach.”

There was a moment of silence. John thought for a second or two that the call had ended.

“Oh...I see.” Freddie’s voice was now amused. “Well...a good reason not to answer anyone else. You were too busy, right, Taylor?”

“Fuck off.” Roger answered, but too pleased to actually be mad with the teasing.

“We’re actually having breakfast right now, Freddie.” Explained John.

“On each other??”

“Oh, God, Freddie!”

The three men laughed. John didn’t even know that he missed Freddie’s sex jokes about them until now. It was like they were all twenty one again.

“Ok, ok. I’m going to let you two enjoy your breakfast.” Freddie said in the end. “And I’m glad that’s the reason, Rog.”

Roger smiled at his lover. “Me too.”

They exchanged good byes and finished the call. It was odd and fun to say to Freddie about it, and it felt so...freeing.

“Did you think it wasn’t too soon to tell Freddie? Right now he’s dancing at my house, probably waking up Brian to tell him the news.” Roger bit his own lip.

John moved closer to the blond. “Everyone will know soon. Also he’s one of the first people I wanted to know. Besides,” John touched Roger’s chin with his index finger. “he needs to hear from me that now we are...”

Before John could finish Roger said “Boyfriends?”

“I’m no one’s boyfriend until I hear somebody ask me properly.” Teased John, a smirk on his lips.

“Oh really?” Roger moved his head forwards too, grinning. “Maybe I will ask.”

“Yeah, when? Now?”

“Don’t know. Maybe tomorrow?”

Their lips were almost touching by now. “Maybe?”

“Yeah, maybe.”

And between teasings and smiles they kissed, more loosely than before, enjoying the perks of being alone in a house. Roger’s hand found its way to John’s hair, while the brunet’s lips just tasted of the mix of honey and love on the drummer’s tongue.

Roger gave a couple of pecks before moving back and restarting eating. “Not that I’m expelling you from your own house, but at this time,” he looked at his watch again just to be sure, “shouldn’t you be at your job?”

John got caught off guard. He was so happy that he didn’t remember to tell Roger the news.

“Oh, right, that job. Well, I quit.” John told him unpretentiously, and took a sip of his juice.

Roger opened his mouth, surprised, and then gave a laugh. “Really? Fuck, John, it’s about time!”

The brunet just shrugged. His shoulders were lighter these days.

“So, what’s your plan now?” asked the drummer, taking a bite of his pancake.

John blinked twice, and realized he didn’t have a plan yet. But he couldn’t care less. Right now he only cared about enjoying his meal. “Don’t know yet.”

“Then why don't you go back to Queen?”

The brunet stopped chewing with this question. He didn’t think about it. I mean...It had been out of his mind for so long that he didn’t consider it.

“To Queen?” John asked after swallowing.

Roger nodded. “Your reason for not coming back was our history and your marriage, right?” Now it was John’s time to nod. “Well, that’s sorted out.” Roger gave him a hopeful smile. “Now what would hold you back?”

John tried to put in words his first thought. “Maybe I’m too old to start a band again?”

That made Roger laugh loudly. John enjoyed it too, but was still a bit afraid. He missed the adrenaline of the stage, the blood pulsing fast during a performance, but...after all this time, could he do that?

“You’re talented, John. And, damn, people will die when they hear Queen's first bass player is back in business.” Roger assured him, and he held his hand.

“I’m Queen’s seventh bass player.”

“Fuck you.”

“Gladly, but after breakfast.”

Roger laughed again. “But, seriously, John, what do you think?”

He couldn’t deny how tempted he was right now. Imagining himself with Freddie, Brian and Roger again, hearing people clapping and shouting for them was too good to not consider.

“Can I think about it? That’s a major change.” John said.

“Not the only one, right?”

The brunet smiled. Roger was right.

---

Veronica was walking outside for the first time since she got to Joe's house. She couldn’t believe how many days she spent there, just looking at the walls and her oldest son’s backyard. Right now it was a victory.

The woman needed the moment to reflect, to recompose herself and to accept that, for now on, she’d need to live on her own. It was hard at first, stopping herself thinking as a married woman and starting to see her future as a single one.

Joe, Cameron and Luke were very mature and listened to her, and assured her that whatever her choice was, they’d be there for her. They never mentioned John in front of her, but Veronica heard them talking about him when they thought she was still sleeping. She heard about the house being dirty and messy after she left.

They were trying their best, and for that she was thankful. But she needed to step up herself. She was an adult, and even though her heart was still broken, she was strong. She needed closure.

Veronica was just taking a walk in the neighbourhood, to stretch her legs, and then she saw John’s car in front of their...of his house. It was odd, since at that hour, he should be at his job. She stayed still for two minutes, looking at the front door, thinking what to do.

But what the hell.

---

John was watching a tv show when he heard a knock on his front door. It was odd, Roger just left ten minutes ago, to get clean clothes – he only went out of John’s house to do that the last few days. He probably forgot something, and he walked with a smile and opened the door.

His expression changed to a surprised one when he saw Veronica in front of him. He blinked twice, to be sure he wasn’t hallucinating.

“Ronnie?” called John.

“Hi, John.” Veronica said in a polite tone. “Mind if I come inside?”

“No, of course not!” he gave more space so she could step inside.

The house was cleaned, and John seemed rested. Veronica didn’t know what to expect, but she didn’t expect that.

“Kids are alright?” John sounded hesitant, but still caring.

“They are fine. How about you?” she looked at him up and down. “How are you dealing with things?”

John took a deep breath, trying to not look either happy or miserable. Right now he wasn’t either. He needed things to be civil with the mother of his sons.

“I’m here, trying to...live this new chapter.” Answered John.

Veronica didn’t like it. He should be...not so good.

“Roger is here?” asked the woman.

“No.” He replied.

“Roger was here after I left?”

John promised to Roger – and to himself – that he wouldn’t lie anymore. “Yes.”

It was a hard talk. Both knew someday it would happen, and it would be intense. They had a lifetime together, they built something bigger than that house, so all the changes would take some time for them.

“John.” Veronica grabbed a chair and sat. “I want the truth about you two. Your story, without lies.” She saw him biting his own lip, unsure. “You owe me this.”

Yes, he did.

So he told her about them, since the first kiss until John quit Queen, after their fight in the rain. Of course he was polite and avoided the dirty details, but he was honest about everything. Telling all of that right now made him realize how easy it was to tell the story.

But him, with all his insecurities, kept pushing it back to the next time. The next time never came. Eitherway, it was for the best. Now he could deal with the real problem in his life: his marriage.

After hearing all the story, Veronica closed her eyes. She was, indeed, blind to not see all of that coming. They had a story that couldn’t be erased, and her presence would never make any difference on that. Veronica and John were never that strong to sustain it.

It would be impossible to control it. And it was.

But she needed to ask.

“So, John, what are you going to do with your life right now?” Veronica questioned. “Should I ask my lawyer?”

John gave her a sad look. It’s painful to watch.

“Yes.” The man walked to her and sat next to her. “Veronica, I’ll never be able to say how sorry I am to –”

“Save it.” Veronica stood up. “Next week I’ll organise a meeting to see everything that must be split between us. House, bank account, etc.”

John nodded. “Fine. But we need to talk about –”

“Don’t tell me what I need to do. You’re not my husband anymore.” And she walked towards the door.

Chapter Text

John and Roger were taking a bath together for the third time.

Since they freed themselves to live as a couple, they could barely look at each other without wanting to rip the others clothes off. It didn’t matter what room they were in, any furniture could be used as a support mechanism to hold the other down and grind against too, whilst they grabbed each other’s cocks, sucked each other off, and had sex.

They wouldn’t care if they would need a cold patch for their backs – after all they weren’t twenty anymore.

Right now, John was slowly fucking Roger, the blond man perching himself against the bathroom wall. The shower was still on, the water running down both their skins. John liked to bite the Queen drummer here and there. One of the brunette’s hands was at Roger’s waist, whilst the other was touching his cock, making him cry out.

“Fuck John,” moaned Roger in a unsteady breath. “You’re a fucking tease.”

“And you love it,” John laughed against his ear as he angled himself deeper and found Roger’s prostate. The brunette kept thrusting against his sweet spot, his hand moving faster around Roger’s cock.

John could feel the blond man tightening around him, and his voice getting higher with each move that John made. Roger was so easy to please.

Wanting to grab onto something, the drummer’s hand found John’s hair at his nape, and he tugged it as he came, dirtying the wall. John came inside of him instantly after.

Roger turned around with a silly smile on his face and kissed the brunet man, humming against John’s mouth. “Now I can take my lunch nap.”

“You’re so old,” laughed John, and the other man slapped at his shoulder playfully.

“I’m only two years older than you, Deaky.”

“But you sound much older than me.”

“And who was the one that complained about their back hurting earlier, huh?”

“Don’t remember.”

They laughed as they climbed out the bath.

John wrapped the towel around his waist, whilst Roger came out of the bathroom naked, still wet.

“Rog, what have I told you? You have to get a towel so that you don’t get water on the floor.” John said, already looking at the bedroom carpet. The blond man was still in the middle of the room, forming a puddle around his feet.

“Uh, I forgot,” Roger smiled charmingly, trying to win round John. But that was the fourth time he’d already said that to the drummer.

“You seem to forget basic things easily,” John pointed out.

Roger looked at him with an eyebrow raised, quietly asking if he did that too after having amazing sex. The brunette man just rolled his eyes and said; “Just dry this water.”

John walked out of the bedroom to make them some homemade biscuits to eat with a cup of tea. He knew Roger liked his tea with not much milk and almost no sugar. He was putting the biscuits in the oven when Roger showed up, now dressed, and he saw the Queen drummer walking to the couch, in silence.

He knew the man very well. He was upset by John’s call-out. But John wouldn’t let that kill the mood. “Rog, choose a movie for us.”

“Okay.” The man said, chipily.

John giggled. What a stubborn man.

The youngest man put the fresh biscuits on a plate and walked over to put it in front of Roger, in the center table. He saw the man look directly at the smart tv, searching for a movie, but he knew the blond was avoiding his eyes. John leaned in to kiss Roger’s cheek, and the man flinched a bit before accepting it.

“Come on, Roger. Are you really mad with me?” asked John. “Really, love?”

Roger pouted at him in response. “That’s low, John. You know that calling me that is my weak spot.”

“I know.” Smirked John. He went back into the kitchen to get their cups of tea.

Roger chose Metropolis, and John, even though he knew the man had watched that movie at least a hundred times, accepted it. Without him noticing, the blond shifted closed, putting his arm around his shoulders. John rose up a smile and sipped his tea.

The weird sound that John made when he sipped the tea was insufferable, but the worse was when he needed to always make an ‘ah!’ everytime he moved the cup away.

He did it one time, two times, three times. After the fourth time, Roger couldn’t handle it.

Roger grabbed the remote control to pause the movie and spoke. “You can’t handle some drops of water on the carpet, but you think it’s okay practically moaning over a cup of tea, Deaks?”

John blinked in response, surprised by the subject coming out of nowhere. “What?”

“You heard me. Maybe you need a room for you and your tea?”

John scuffed. “That’s ridiculous. No one’s ever complained about it before.”

“Maybe no one had the courage to.”

John took a moment and then he said “You’re only saying this because I called you out earlier.”

“No, no, John. I’ve been holding onto this for days.”

“Oh, yeah? What else have you been holding onto for days then?” John stood up and crossed his arms.

“Uh, let me see.” Roger pretended to think, and then he looked at the brunet again. “You always complain during the news, like the anchors can hear you. I can’t move a thing in this house without you putting it back in its place, and you love to read out loud before you sleep. If I’m in the bed, it’s because I want to sleep, just like everyone else.”

John felt challenged by him saying all that. “Huh, so we’re really talking about this? Fine, how about how you spend every fucking day talking about Queen? You know, sometimes there are other topics in life, not just how you reached one million views on Youtube in a month!”

“But we did!”

John grabbed his cup of tea because his throat was dry, but before he could place the cup over his lips, he groaned. “Fuck you! Now I can’t enjoy my tea properly.”

“Thank God, then.”

“Veronica never complained about any of this.”

Roger froze where he was, stunned by the brunette’s words, and the weight they held. The blond looked John up and down and said; “If you didn’t figure it out yet, I’m not her in the slightest.”

With that, John seemed to realize what he said, and frowned. “Hang on. What are we even fighting about?”

That caught Roger off guard. “I beg your pardon?”

“We are fighting about stupid things! Like, who cares if you talk about Ralph Macchio during your sleep. I don’t actually mind!” John quickly said as he saw Roger blushing. “Or if I like to rap the alphabet whilst cooking, which I know you also dislike.”

Roger giggled in response.

John touched his fingers to Roger’s, and after looking at him, he intertwined them with a smile.

“We never had the time to learn about the other tics and mannerisms. We’ve been apart for two decades, so it’s understandable that we’re not entirely used to the other yet.”

The drummer opened his mouth in surprise. How had John finished the conversation in such a reasonable and polite way?

“Fuck you, John. I wanted to win this one.” Roger said as he turned around, his hand dropped from John’s.

John laughed in response. This was the man he loved so much. He wrapped his arm around his waist.

“Sorry Rog, for comparing you to my ex wife,” he felt the older man shifting against him. “That wasn’t fair. She probably hated all those things too, but learned to live with it.”

“So that means I need to learn how to live with it too?” Roger asked hesitantly.

“Well...we can improve our communication skills by telling each other what we don’t necessarily like. After all, we love each other enough to be honest enough to admit to not liking the whole package.”

Roger smirked in response. “You, improving your communications skills? Sounds like a trap to me.”

“Shut up.”

Roger untangled himself from John’s embrace and walked over to his phone. John waited in silence and watched the man looking for something. A smile rose up on Roger’s face as he touched the phone screen.

A delicate sound started to play, and Roger went back over to him, putting his hands around John’s neck, whilst the brunette put his hands around the drummer’s waist.

They slowly moved to the rhythm of the song, their eyes closed, their foreheads resting against each other, and their breathing calm and steady.

“Whenever I heard this song, I thought about you,” whispered Roger as he moved his fingertips lightly over John’s hair. The younger man hummed in content.

Roger moved his body to fit against John’s, their lips brushing but not actually pressed together, their feet not moving anymore. They stayed in the same position. It didn’t matter that they weren’t dancing any longer. It was the feeling of them pressed together in the middle of the living room, not giving a damn.

“I’ve got a thing about you and I don’t really care about what you do,” the drummer sang at the same time as the Roxette singer, his lips brushing against John’s as he did. He could feel John smiling as he did. “I’ve got a thing about you, yeah, you .”

Chapter Text

It was weird, at first, for John to get out of the house. Because he was used to being all clingy and romantic with Roger indoors–like it was their safe little bubble–and now they were having a pool party (as Freddie called it) at Roger’s mansion.

Technically it was still inside...but even still.

John sometimes tensed when Roger put his hand on his thigh or when Roger wrapped his arms around him, and it didn’t pass unnoticed by the Queen frontman.

“Oh please, darling!” Freddie shouted when John blushed whilst Roger got into the pool and kissed the brunette’s cheek. “I literally witnessed blondie eating you out. No need to be embarrassed around us.”

“Fuck, Freddie. I spent years trying to erase that vision from my mind!” Brian hissed, and he closed his eyes, disgusted. “Fuck, now it’s back again.”

“Always with the best remarks, love.” Jim commented, saluting his husband.

“You can count on me.” Freddie blinked.

John was giggling with his friends, a weird feeling in his stomach. He was coming to terms with how different his life would be and the situation, and it didn’t seem like he should be there, having fun with Freddie, Brian, their partners, Roger and Debbie, in a pool during a Sunday afternoon.

Maybe something in the man’s expression was revealing his discomfort, because Debbie asked; “Are you alright John? Is something off with you?”

He gave a shy smile and said; “It’s just...I don’t think it’s fair.”

Roger touched his shoulder, worried. “What’s not fair?”

John turned red again. It’d sound childish saying it out loud. “It’s because I’m truly happy here with all of you,” he said, seeing the other’s faces softening in response. “And it’s weird being this happy for me.”

“And?”

The youngest man snorted. Roger could read him so well by now. “And it’s unfair chilling here, with all of you, while Veronica and my kids are suffering with the divorce.”

It’d been two days since they signed the papers and it’d been the first time he saw all three of his sons after the revelations about him came out. They didn’t speak to him. Joe looked extremely cold and distant, Cameron was crying but still holding Veronica’s hand, and Luke was trying not to look his father in the eye. He’d wondered if the other two and Veronica knew about their last conversation.

Veronica only spoke when the lawyers asked her to. The queen lawyer (and manager) Jim Beach, was John’s lawyer at the meeting, and flew straight from England just to do it. He wasn’t at the pool party because of the jet lag.

Right now, sipping a cold beer and being affectionate with his lover, seemed a bit rude to him given his sons and ex-wife’s feelings about it all.

“John, as someone that saw this journey from the beginning, I wanted to say my piece,” Brian spoke, in his steady and calm voice. “Of course there’s fault on your side, I can’t deny that–”

“–Really, Bri? That’s your way to cheer him up?” meddled Roger.

“...but,” the guitar player spoke louder, to shut his friend up. “It was something that needed to be done. Twenty years is less painful than thirty years. You were brave enough to be true to yourself, even though it took some years, and I know your kids will see it that way too.”

“And also you did the only thing you could do for Veronica, darling: ask for her forgiveness.” Freddie added.

John nodded, knowing what they were saying was true. But the waiting was still having an affect on John. Roger was too kind not to bring up his issue with his own kids too.

“I don’t know if you can count this as hope, but she unblocked me on Insta, so that’s a start,” commented Debbie. “She’s not 100% mad.”

“Do you think it’s time for John to visit her?” asked Roger, maybe too hopeful.

“I don’t think so.” Debbie shook her head. “Besides, Dominique is coming to town and I want to spend quality time with her.”

Roger looked at the blond woman, surprised. “Why is that the first time I’m hearing about this?”

“Who’s Dominique?” asked John, unaware of the importance of the woman.

“Debbie’s best girlfriend,” Smirked Roger.

She slapped his shoulder, but laughed either way. “You have to say that.”

Dominique Beyrand was a french fashion coach that Debbie met years ago while she was still modelling, and they became friends for a good time, even though Roger always pointed out the sexual tension between the two of them. And, three years ago, Dominique finally made a move and asked Debbie out, and they were dating ever since. Of course, because of Debbie's situation, they weren’t public about the relationship.

The french woman was complaining about missing her and Debbie invited her to spend a few weeks in America, and after completely clearing her schedule, Dominique got the first flight. She didn’t even ask for Debbie to come and get her at the airport.

“You know french people.” Said Debbie. “So independent...”

And then the bell rang, making the blond woman shout goodbye with a big smile spread on her face. Anita got out of the pool together with Debbie, going inside the house.

Freddie, Jim and Brian restarted to talk and John swam away to refill his drink, Roger following him.

“You don’t look satisfacted,” pointed out Roger.

“Of course I’m not.” John turned to him, tired. “I want my kids back, I want...I want Veronica to be okay with me.”

“It takes time, Deaky.” Roger used the same tone with him. “I get it, I’m a Leo too, we want things in life ready and set straight away.” John snorted, laughter-wise, making the other smile. “That’s the John I like.”

Roger leaned forwards to give him a kiss. “Don’t try to rush things. They will come around, I promise.”

“You promise me too many things.”

“And I deliver it, every time.” Roger gave a more naughty smile.

“Are you talking about sex near us?” shouted Freddie. “Disgusting.”

--- 

“What are we doing?” asked John, while he was dragged to the small studio booth.

“Freddie is making a song with only Brian and they are hiding it from me.” Whispered Roger, even though it wasn’t necessary; Freddie, Brian and Miami were in the other studio room, so they couldn’t hear them. “And Miami said he wanted to hear something from the album. Since I’m not there...”

“They’re gonna show him the song, probably.” John finished the thought.

The brunette didn’t register that it was the first time he was thinking about the album – and Queen – that day. But lately, he’d been thinking about the band more than he should.

Since Roger asked him about coming back to Queen, John was constantly debating internally about what he should do. He was tempted – so fucking tempted – but he knew that would piss his sons off more than ever. And he still had nightmares of crowds booing him when he was on stage. His anxiety was messing with his head, and so far he hadn’t given his answer to Roger.

He didn’t even know if Freddie and Brian were aware of the proposal.

John’s attention quickly returned to the room, where Roger was clicking at a button and Freddie’s voice was heard.

“So that’s a song I wrote –”

“– to Jim, as always.” Cut in Miami, with his pretentious smile. “Predictable.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“ You know the concept of this album. To be more intimate, so I think this song is good.” Brian nodded in agreement with the other man.

“And you want me to feel how this song will come to the common public.” Miami pointed out, as an unmade question.

Freddie touched Miamin’s chest, caringly. “You’re less than common, darling.” And they giggled together. “But yeah.”

“Also because Freddie thinks it’s a bit sappy. From Freddie, of all people.” Joked Brian.

The manager and the guitar player laughed, and the Queen frontman just said; “How about we stop the cheap chat and finally play?”

John and Roger were in the other room, already sat, while Brian was plugging and testing his Red Special. Miami sat on the couch in the studio, and Freddie graciously walked over to the mic. He quickly tested the volume, and in the next moment he looked at Brian and nodded.