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Language:
English
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Published:
2019-09-17
Updated:
2020-04-14
Words:
15,220
Chapters:
14/?
Comments:
344
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185
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5,752

It is a distressing, maddening world we live in

Summary:

Once upon a time, Jaime Lannister had a plan.

It just went downhill from there.

Notes:

Hello people, I need some time to continue my other stories, each chapter demanding a lot of thought to be the best it can be. I just wanted a crack fic, something just for fun. Curse me for still trying to make it have some sense. lol. Still, I really just want to let loose a little.

You all know what it means. Jaime better brace himself because it's gonna hurt. lol

Thanks: To JailynnW first, for always listening to my braime rants, day or night, rain or shine, she is always there. For her wonderful stories too, full of Warriors, whispers and werewolves and up-the-roof UST(kiss already Jaime and Brienne! the suspense is killing me!) Go check her stuff, it's the greatest since the invention of sliced bread and as yummy!!!

Thanks to all who loved, reviewed, kudoed and read my stories. You are all great! I have no words to describe my happiness at each message I get and answer too. I want the whole world to talk about Braime!

Thanks to GRRM who created such a compelling story. Will be glad if we get the next book soon, Mr GRRM. If you don't mind.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: A botched attempt of botched wedding

Chapter Text

Jaime was sweating in his ceremonial attire standing near his little brother Tyrion. Robert stood near the High Septon in front of the altar of the Sept of Lannisport and everybody was waiting for his twin sister and secret lover Cersei to come and marry the big oafish King.

Jaime tried to calm his nerves. It wouldn’t do for people to see his nervousness. It wouldn’t do for anyone to notice his attitude. Nobody should know what he knew, that the wedding will not happen. He would actually prefer to be elsewhere but he had to show himself. When people, especially his father, will understand that Cersei will not show, they had to see him. They had to believe him innocent.

Of course, he wasn’t innocent. Cersei was his and he was hers. She told him that for as long as he could remember. It was a certitude, as ineluctable as the sun rising in the East or their father being a ruthless bastard. Knowing that, he couldn’t let this wedding happen. He paid two sellswords generously _enough that they wouldn’t try to betray him or hurt his precious sister_ and told them to intercept the ceremonial wheelhouse and kidnap his sweet sister. She was waiting some acres away from the Sept, in a decrepit holdfast. He would walk in, kiss her happily, and take her away to Essos where they could live together and love each other freely. He was sure that his gesture will be taken as what it is. The chivalry of a amorous lover ready to save his lady love. Is there a more romantic gesture?

Now, they were all standing impatiently and Jaime felt a smile trying to emerge on his lips. Only the need to still be careful stopped him. They were still in Westeros, he will feel victorious only when they will be on the boat to Essos, away from their Lord father’s wrath. Still, he wanted to scorn and laugh at Robert’s face. The stupid man who wanted to steal his sister from him was growing impatient. A large frown was growing on his face as time passed and Cersei and Tywin were still absent.

Jaime was fairly vibrating with tension, any minute now and someone would begin to question Cersei’s disappearance. Tyrion grunted in irritation, “Would you stop your squirming, dear brother? Everybody is impatient for this wedding to happen but you do not see us dance like you in merriment.”

Jaime growled, “I am just worried, little brother, as you should be yourself. Shouldn’t Cersei already be…”

A sudden clamor was heard from behind the Sept’s door. Delirious screams of joy. Cries of happiness filled the silence. Jaime’s eyes widened as the Sept’s heavy wooden doors opened and Cersei appeared, looking triumphant and one of her arms woven with Tywin’s arm. As she passed near him, Jaime struggled to keep a pleasant expression on his face. A gigantic effort in view of the turmoil he felt inside.

“Jaime, be careful,” whispered Tyrion’s before Tywin joined them to watch the ceremony unfold. Jaime was still shaken, a thought running around and around in his head ‘How can it be? What was his sweet sister doing here?’ Around and around, drowning the High Septon’s words…

“Control yourself, Jaime,” came his father’s voice, the frosted fury evident in his murmur. “Stop looking so sanguine. You are casting shame upon our House on this glorious day!” The threat was enough to bring Jaime to the present and he smoothed his expression even more.

“We were worried, father,” he answered smoothly. “We waited for your arrival for quite some time. We were beginning to worry that something had happened to both of you.” He kept his tone light and slightly interrogative, as if the answer was of no import. Tyrion confirmed his words which made Jaime relax and send silent words of gratitude.

Tywin grunted in irritation, “After you left, your sister decided that the wheelhouse was unworthy of a future Queen. We had to take an open carriage so she could greet her future subjects. The delay in changing the mode of transportation was significant. It is irrelevant now.” Tywin smiled in satisfaction as the vows were being pronounced and the union between House Lannister and House Baratheon was sealed in marriage. Jaime just wanted to cry.

He had worked so hard, only for his plans to be folded by his own sister. He had worked for months on this strategy, planning, organizing, and searching for the best opportunity. He had found the perfect moment _when Cersei was on the road to the Sept_ to take her away from a hated marriage and him away from the hated Kingsguard. He had wished to marry her instead of Robert as she was already dressed for the occasion. He had enough money in his purse _added to his and his sister’s jewelry_ to get to Essos and begin a new life.

He could barely watch the ceremony which bound his sister to another man. He could scarcely eat nor drink in the following celebratory banquet. He certainly didn’t want to see the bedding ceremony. As soon as it was acceptable, he mounted his horse and rode away. He had some sellswords to interrogate.