Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Posted: 4 years ago

Blog Post 1:

Hi, I guess? I’ve never really done one of these before, but my instructor says that writing is a good way to help sort your emotions out. Long story short my friends heard about it too, and a couple of them are pretty good with tech so I have a blog now.

My life is pretty normal, I have a mom and twin brother, and my father is a nonexistent ghost who has become one with penguins. I go to a normal middle school ruled under the iron fist of a demon lord with a soft heart for small animals, my other best friend is a baseball player who could kill you in broad daylight without anyone ever noticing, and my martial arts instructor is a contracted assassin with the Chinese Triad.

Is it too late to ask for a refund on my life?

2 likes

Looking back on it now, she should have deleted the blog when she had the chance and no one knew about it.

Posted: 5 minutes ago

A Sure Sign of the Apocalypse (Part 53):

God has abandoned me (again), and the world is ending. I long for the days that all I worried about was middle school bullies and whether Kyoya would beat me with tonfas for getting into his space. Today a man in a fedora arrived at my doorstep announcing he was a tutor for my brother hired by my mother and made up concept of a penguin ghost father.

The horseman of war has ridden into my home and is sitting on my living room couch, I am halfway finished with my will and am 90% percent certain that he’ll be the one to reap my soul. The worst part is that he drinks espresso, like a god damn normal human.

Hell has opened her gaping maw once more and released another cryptid. Why now? Why my second year of high school!?  Could you not have waited for after college entrance exams?

My mother in all her angelic greatness is once again being taken advantage of, and my brother… well the less said about him the better.

Whether I survive this encounter with an assassin in no disguise whatsoever, will remain to be seen. I hope I finally get to use that coffin you all sent to me last Halloween though, the woodwork is fantastic.

5,487 likes, 382 comments

*  *  *

Seventeen-year-old Sawada Setsuna typed this blogpost one-handed while fiercely defending her own espresso, clutching at the cup as if the man might move to take it at any moment. It was 7 am in the morning, and she was NOT awake enough to deal with this.

“You seem to be busy on that laptop.” The man who had introduced himself as Reborn said, his head tilting to indicate the slightly beat-up computer in her hand. “Last minute homework?”

Setsuna’s eyes moved up to him as she hit the enter key and closed the screen, taking a long sip from her cup. “More like a eulogy for my sanity.” She replied with a straight face. Because there was no way that anyone sent by her absentee Mafiosi of a father could spell out good news for her.

Her words seemed to amuse the man before her, however, as he simply smirked and took a sip of his own coffee that her mother had taken from Setsuna’s earlier brewed batch. Well, there goes seconds. 

“I find that sanity is a tool for those too frightened to see beyond their white picket fenced lives.”

“I’m sure it’s a common view of hitmen.” Reborn paused and lowered his drink. His eyes narrowing to observe her.

“Hm, how disappointing, I was hoping my profession would remain unknown for a bit longer.”

“You didn’t exactly do a good job at hiding it, and anyone connected to mama’s husband is more likely than not to be connected with the mafia.” She took another sip of her coffee, her free hand reaching for her phone to open the chat room on it.

“Your family knows about your father’s occupation?” Now that truly seemed to surprise them, but Setsuna scoffed.

“No, just me. I have friends who’ve been around and I’m not so stupid as to believe there are construction workers in Antarctica who mine with golden pickaxes.”

“Come again?”

She gestured to a hanging picture on the wall showing a blond man in an orange jumpsuit, smiling amongst a group of penguins as he held a shining golden pickaxe.

“No one ever said your father was a genius,” Reborn said after a full minute of stunned silence, most likely taking the time to digest just how stupid her sperm donor actually was.

“If they did, I would recommend they check into a mental health clinic.”

The clock on the wall hit 7:05 and she stood up from her seat to slide her laptop into her backpack, walking to the kitchen to hug the brown-haired woman inside.

“I’m going to school now, see you this evening mama.” Setsuna gave her mother a swift kiss on the cheek and was out the door in less than a minute. She didn’t want to be around when her brother woke up, after all, it would just lead to a migraine.

*  *  *

Reborn wasn’t sure what had just happened, and when Reborn wasn’t sure then he wasn’t happy. Every file he had received on the girl indicated she was a cowardly weakling with few friends, the type of person who would curl up into a ball at her own shadow.

What he got instead was a snarky teenager with enough sarcasm and dry wit to drain the ocean. He couldn’t decide it that was for better or worse. He could only hope that the reports on her brother were accurate, he was here to train the future Vongola Decimo and he would fulfill that mission no matter what.

And then he would go back to CEDEF and shoot Sawada Iemitsu until the man learned how to write a proper report on his own god damn family.

“Mom! Is breakfast ready? I’m gonna be late for class!” A voice loud and echoing sounded from upstairs, and Reborn watched as a boy thundered down with all the self-importance of a king, high on power.

His high school uniform was undone and his dark blonde hair seemed to be in a state of perpetual bedhead. After a minute of shoving books ungracefully into his backpack, Sawada Ienari finally looked up and spotted his new tutor.

“Who the hell are you?”

Reborn had to remind himself not to shoot the heir on sight. He felt like this would become a regular occurrence too.

*  *  *

Dante’s Inferno

Discord Server

Setsuna Today at 7:15 am

The apocalypse is coming

Hana Today at 7:15 am

So we gathered from your blog post

Setsuna Today at 7:16 am

And you just sat there and let me suffer!?

Hana Today at 7:18 am

No

I took screenshots to immortalize your suffering

Setsuna Today at 7:18 am

surprisedpikachu.jpg

Hibari Today at 7:20 am

Get off the server and get to class

Setsuna Today at 7:20 am

You lurk on this server more than any of us Kyoya

Hana Today at 7:21 am

...

Did you hear that Setsuna? It’s the sound of your funeral bells

Setsuna Today at 7:22 am

Aight’ Imma head out

Takeshi Today at 7:23 am

Why did Hibari Senpai just storm out of school grounds with his Tonfa?

Ah I see, carry on

Setsuna Today at 7:23 am

Takeshi! You traitor!

Hana Today at 7:23 am

I call dibs on her YouTube account when she’s dead

Setsuna Today at 7:24 am

Jokes on you, I left it to Fuuta in my wiAHSJKAJKAGSDJKGAJ

Hayato Today at 7:24 am

PRINCIPESSA!!!

Spanner Today at 7:30 am

This year we lost Sawada Setsuna, a good friend who died as she lived. Screaming about the injustices in her life.

Setsuna Today at 7:32 am

Quit telling everyone I’m dead!

Spanner Today at 7:33 am

Sometimes, we can still hear her voice

*  *  *

Setsuna rubbed the back of her head lightly, frowning at the small sting as she closed the chat on her phone.

“The universe has forsaken me.” She grumbled, the Disciplinary Committee leader didn’t respond, but the twitch of his lips was enough to let him know that he heard her.

“So, the herbivores sent someone?” He finally questioned referencing her earlier rants. Setsuna sighed deeply.

“Yeah, Fon was right. The direct heirs died so they chose Ienari.” She ran her hand through her caramel locks, a nervous habit she had picked up as a child. “Better him than me, I just want to go to college and die in peace.”

He gave her a look that said ‘You’re skipping a few steps’ but really she felt like it was a pretty solid plan.

Walking through the gates of Namimori High felt like a new death sentence each day, really it was only the company of her friends that kept her going.

“Wow, Setsuna doesn’t have an extra coffee serving with her? Maybe the apocalypse really is coming.”

Then again…

“Hana I am removing you from my will for all time,” Setsuna said shooting a glare at the girl, all she received was a self-satisfied smirk in return.

“Relax Tsuna.” Takeshi grinned as he approached her, his arm winding around her shoulders. “We all knew you would be fine, it’s not like Hibari ever does any permanent damage.”

“The fact that he does damage at all is something to be concerned about!” She whined, making a noise like a wounded feline.

The bell rang marking the beginning of classes, and Setsuna was prevented from airing her grievances by a pointed glare and (gentle) shove towards the door.

“Get to class Fledgling,” Hibari ordered, and Setsuna had no choice but to obey. She really didn’t feel like getting bitten to death this Monday.

*  *  *

If Sawada Setsuna’s attitude had been grossly overestimated, then Sawada Ienari’s was grossly under. He had personally known the brat for all of half an hour and wanted to throw him into a river.

“So, you’re saying I’m supposed to inherit a mafia?”

“Did I stutter Baka-Ienari?” He asked as he titled the rim of his fedora upwards, smirking at the boy with all the chill of a reaper come to claim their victim’s soul. “The three direct heirs died and as someone descended from the bloodline of Vongola Primo, you were chosen to become Vongola Decimo instead.”

Ienari scowled at him and Reborn wasn’t impressed at all. He had seen pups that gave out a more intimidating aura.

“Yeah right, do I look that stupid?”

“Do you want an honest answer?”

The brat lunged at him but Reborn had stepped out of the way, he felt the familiar weight of Leon transforming and smirked as he brought a particularly thick dictionary down onto the top of his students head.

“Listen here Baka-Ienari, my name is Reborn and form now on I’ll be your personal tutor.” He smiled, and it was all teeth. “So get ready because I’m going to turn you into the greatest mafia boss there ever was.”

Somewhere in the great beyond, the universe laughed at him.

Chapter Text

On the screen of a laptop was a girl in a lion mask, on her left, stood a boy with a yellow bird mask, and on the right another girl in a white swan mask. Below the video panel was a title in black, bold letterings.

The Effect of Power on Those Unable to Handle It. Or Why the Mafia Has Suddenly Made My Life Worse (Feat. Hibari and Kurokawa)

Channel: SetsuNOthankyou

“All I’m saying is that anyone who feels insecure enough to need validation more than three times a day shouldn’t be wielding power at all.” The voice that belonged to Kurokawa Hana argued.

“Validation is for the weak, power to enforce is what matters.” Hibari Kyoya replied in a clipped tone of voice, not even looking at the camera.

“And if that power is given to the person who needs validation, they shouldn’t have it right Tsuna?” Hana reiterated looking to the girl in the center for confirmation.

“Yet this is exactly what happened in my case.” She shook her head. “Any power structure is reliant on balance and stability, when tipped over in one direction it’s pretty much inevitable that a pendulum effect will take place eventually.” Her eyes snapped to the camera lens. “And yet this is exactly what my sperm donor’s family have done to me by giving the position of Decimo to my brother. Now I have no interest in being the heir, but for the love of God learn how to do an accurate profile on a person first, or better yet take them back to Italy for their training.”

“Your brother can barely lead the school soccer team without murdering the first kid who challenges his orders. He’s about as charismatic as a rock.”

“I could always dispose of him.” Hibari offered with a blood thirsty smirk that was easy to see from even under the mask.

“No! No disposing, I am NOT bailing you out of prison.” Setsuna vetoed immediately.

“Cheers to the mafia and their incompetent ability to choose heirs.” Hana said holding up a cup of juice.

“Cheers to my grades which will inevitably take a plummet from this hell.” Setsuna agreed.

Neither seemed eager to force Hibari to join in, and he didn’t seem to wish to either.

As the 13-minute video ended Reborn took a long… deep… breath. He was going to murder Iemitsu himself.

*  *  *

Within his first week in the Sawada household, Reborn made several observations. The main one being that Iemitsu clearly knew NOTHING about his family.

His son was not the bright and shining star he had claimed him to be, and his daughter was no meek child.

The girl knew all about the mafia, the boy next to nothing.

Sawada Ienari had quickly changed his mind and embraced his status as Decimo the moment he learned of the power and prestige that came with it, Sawada Setsuna didn’t care at all. Not even when her brother had tried to lord the it over her.

“Hah! You’re so useless that they gave the position to me, the younger twin!”

“Good for you Ienari, I hope you have a very fruitful career as a criminal mastermind.”

Useless… that was another thing that bothered Reborn. Dame-Tsuna had been a nickname written in her file, yet from what Reborn saw she was a perfectly adequate student, even ranking above average than many of her classmates. He would have to do more research on how she got it in the first place.

While Setsuna didn’t seem to bothered with the title though, the friction between the siblings was plain as day. Ienari was cruel and merciless to his sister, while Setsuna was biting and bitter towards him.

“Tsu-chan and Na-chan used to be so close, when they entered middle school they suddenly began to fight and never made up.” Nana frowned and bit her lip. “I’ve never been able to figure out what went wrong, but I learned that it’s usually best to let them have their separate space from each other.”

Which was why the guest room had been converted into a room for Setsuna, and Reborn was rooming with the brat.

Reborn quickly realized that if he wanted accurate information, he would have to obtain it himself. Which is also what brought him to his situation now.

A blog and video streaming site.

Setsuna had accounts for both, and a large following tipping into the millions combined. Not only that but they were blocked from anyone who had a Namimori area code or IP address in the location, the only way to access it from within the location was by invitation. Of course, a simple VPN bypassed the protocols, but Reborn realized that they were most likely in place to prevent locals from finding the channel and blog rather than accessing it in the first place. Afterall, if you didn’t know something existed in the first place then you had no reason to look for it.

His first thought was that he was slightly impressed that she managed to amass such a group, her videos and blogs were translated too, so it wasn’t simply limited to Japan.

His second thought was: How the fuck did the Vongola never catch wind of a teenage girl practically dropping mafia secrets, no matter how indirect for the entire world to see!? Not only that, how did you miss a teenage girl who regularly featured the god damn Storm Arcobaleno on her channel!?

He scanned through her playlist of most popular self-titled rants, and he hated to admit it, but she had courage and wit, and he could almost respect that.

Rants of a Tired Sky ™

• My Absentee Ghost Father and His Assimilation with a Penguin Colony in Antarctica (Feat. Yamamoto)

• Family vs. Famiglia: Why Mafia Men Are Not Fit to Marry Civilians and/or Have Children with Them (A Theoretical Rant)

• God Has Abandoned Me (Part 1)

• A Legal Case for What Constitutes As Child and Spousal Abandonment (Feat. Kurokawa)

• My Twin Brother is Actually a Gremlin and I have Proof (Feat. Gokudera on call and Irie in person)

• Why I will Never Visit Italy Unless I’ve Resigned Myself to Spend the Rest of My Life in Jail (Feat. Gokudera on call and Spanner in person)

• I Nearly Had to Break This Bird Out of Jail (Feat. A Repentant Big Skylark and No Regrets Baby Skylark)

• Vlog #38: How Long Can I Go Without a Proper Amount of Sleep? Studying the Sleeping Habits of a Carnivore. (I may die today guys)

• God Has Both Abandoned and Forsaken Me (Part 2)

• The History of ESP Users and Modern Application (A Presentation Feat. Gokudera on call)

• Criminal Syndicates Across the World and Their Ties to The Economy (Feat. Fon)

Her blog wasn’t any better from any point of view.

Reasons Why God Has Abandoned Me

• A Sure Sign of the Apocalypse (Part 53)

• The Sins of My Ancestors

• 12 Signs You Are an Eldritch Horror (If you are please contact Gokudera immediately)

• Theories of Time Travel
  
  
  
  
• Social Hierarchies as Seen From a Carnivore's Perspective (Approved by a Verified Carnivore)

• A Sure Sign of the Apocalypse (Part 52)

• Chaos Theory: The Only Theory That Should Matter to You

Okay, that last post he would shamelessly admit he liked and reading the comments Reborn realized that Setsuna's fans believed her to be an author. A modern artist making use of modern mediums to write and share her story or some bull like that. If civilians believed she was a fantasy author playing a character, he would take it.

At the very end though, Reborn had four main questions.

• Who exactly was Sawada Setsuna that she knew about the inner workings of the mafia when she was supposed to be a civilian?
• How did she get in contact with the illegitimate son of a minor yet fairly influential Mafia Don?
• How long has she known the Storm Arcobaleno?
• How did Reborn himself join in?

Because if he was going to be stuck babysitting her brat of a baby brother, Rebon wanted to feel at least some sort of enjoyment, and tort-ah, tutoring your student lost some of its joy when it was clear it would become more of a stress response than anything else.

Staring at his phone for all of thirty seconds, Reborn dialed a number he hadn’t touched in years.

“Fon, nice to hear you’re still alive.”

*  *  *

A few days later a new video went up on SetsuNOthankyou’s channel.

The (Not So) Subtle Art of Blackmail and Why My Martial Arts Instructor and Brother’s Tutor Have Spots Waiting for Them in Hell (Feat. Reborn & Fon)

Chapter Text

Setsuna glared daggers at the man before her at the desk of her classroom, only taking the slightest form of minuscule satisfaction upon seeing that her brother was still pale. As if invading their home life wasn’t enough, Reborn was now in their school lives as well.

Though, Setsuna was fine as long as he focused on Ienari and not her.

“A math assistant, I can’t believe they bought it.” Hana scoffed as several kids got up to go and eat their lunch. She, however, was staying with her regular group of four comprised herself, Tsuna, Yamamoto, and Chrome.

“Namimori High School would have fallen if not for Kyoya’s established order, they’re just that bad at keeping track of who they hire and who’s designated to be in charge of it.” Setsuna pointed out as she chewed on the eraser of her mechanical pencil, already writing down ideas for her next video which may or may not focus on the previously spoken topic. She would do anything to move the attention on from her most recently unplanned upload.

Reborn being a forced guest on her channel annoyed her for one reason only: The asshole was popular!

Setsuna had been forced to grab Chrome at last minute from her job at Takesushi to lay a mist illusion over a black and gold carnival mask for Reborn, one of the few extras for when they had an unexpected guest, and she had asked Shoichi and Spanner for help too when they had a project.

The hitman had been smug the entire time as well, and now nearly every comment on the video was about how her viewers were hoping he would be a regular!

“At the very least he’ll probably be better than Nezu, what do you think Tsu-are you okay?” Yamamoto looked at her with actual concern as she buried her face in her arms.

“I’m contemplating how fast I can delete my channel before that hellspawn becomes a regular guest.”

*  *  *

She was flame active, her friends were flame active. Fon had taught them and they were flame active!

Reborn had wanted to slam his head against the door when he first saw the purple-haired girl cast a light glamor of mist flames on a mask. Nothing too powerful, Reborn could tell it was more of a simple distortion trick, the type you use to blur distinct features, discourage too much attention from focusing on one thing.

Which explains how she had gotten away with the videos without being recognized. If he hadn’t known who exactly he was looking for beforehand, it may have worked on him as well.

“A wonderful idea to stay hidden, isn’t it?” Fon asked him with that ever-present smile. “They came up with it when Setsuna first started to film videos.”

Reborn made a face. “Stop talking, you sound like a doting parent.” And that idiot Iemitsu had drained any and all reserves he had for those for the next 20 years at least.

Fon’s eyes simply narrowed slightly as his lips lifted even more “Still, I was surprised by your wish to participate.”

“She gets away with insulting that idiot Iemitsu in front of millions without the Vidice coming after her. Of course, I’m interested.”

“Well, the Vindice don’t go after civilians and considering she’s an unaffiliated party who never mentions specific key workings of the mafia or specific famiglias she doesn’t count as breaking Omerta.”

“I’m sure revealing the new Decimo counts somewhere along the lines,” Reborn muttered. Then again, the Ninth’s loss of heirs was common knowledge, and news had traveled fast that a new heir had been chosen in place, so technically she was simply spouting knowledge that any person could hear through the grapevine.

“I’m sure Mammon would have loved to take her on as an apprenticing info broker at one point.”

“Is that suppose to make me feel something positive?” Because the thought of Mammon taking an interest in anyone besides to extort them for all their worth was quite frankly, terrifying in a manner all on its own.

“Okay the equipment is ready, Satan Incarnate, Traitorous Master please put on your masks and stand in front of the camera,” Setsuna said with a gaze that reflected all the joy of a dead fish.

And if the dissatisfied tilt that was on Fon’s lips for half a second was any sign of her hold over him, Reborn figured the resulting show would be worth a petty nickname or two. Besides, he could find a way to get back at her later, Reborn didn’t like losing and having the last word was part of it.

(Years later Setsuna would call him the pettiest man-child she’d ever had the displeasure of meeting, and Colonnello would fall out of the second-story window of the Vongola mansion laughing himself to death)

For now, though, revenge came in the form of inserting himself in the lives of the Sawada twins as an assistant math teacher. As it turns out, teasing the girl was just as delightful as torturing her brother.

“You may call me Professor Reborn, I’m on loan to you all from a University in Italy for an international teaching program, and by the end of this week you’ll be doing math sheets as if you were about to die.”

The twins’ simultaneous face plant on their desks reminded him that they really were related after all.

*  *  *

Dante’s Inferno

Discord Server

Spanner Today at 4:30 pm
Congratulations on your sudden increase in subscribers

Setsuna Today at 4:30 pm
Make no mistake. I will KICK you from this server

Spanner Today at 4:30 pm
:sob:
I try to be nice and this is what I get in return

Takeshi Today at 4:32 pm
Still Tsuna, you have to admit he brought in quite a few views

Hana Today at 4:32 pm
The wonders that a handsome hitman will do for your channel

Setsuna Today at 4:33
What god did I anger in my past life to deserve this?
@Hayato if you ever find proof of hostile life from beyond the stars, please direct them my way so I can die

Hayato Today at 4:34
Principessa please don’t request that of me…

Takeshi Today at 4:34
Yeah Tsuna, if you die, we would all be sad

Setsuna Today at 4:34
Cowards. @Chrome You’re my only hope

Chrome Today at 4:34
Do it yourself and perish you craven

Setsuna Today at 4:35
I-

Shoichi Today at 4:35
CHROME

Spanner Today at 4:36
Damn.

Setsuna Today at 4:36
I feel. So betrayed?

Hibari Today at 4:37
Fledgling get off the server and finish your papers

Setsuna Today at 4:37
But Kyoya…

Hibari Today at 4:37
Now Setsuna

Setsuna Today at 4:37
Ah, I can feel his glare from the other side of the DC room
Okay fine I’m getting off now (I don’t wanna die by tonfa)

Hana Today at 4:45
As if Hibari would ever hurt her.

Spanner Today at 4:45
¥5,000 that he loses patience for her to notice by the end of the year

Hana Today at 4:46
By Winter vacation at most

Shoichi Today at 4:46
Guys… you realize she can see this?

Hana Today at 4:48
Your point being?

Shoichi Today at 4:48
:expressionless:
Fair I suppose…

*  *  *

At 6 pm Setsuna stood up from the couch and stretched her arms out above her.

“Done!” She said with a heavy sigh “And just in time too.”

“You would have finished them earlier if you weren’t on the server.” The Prefect in front of her pointed out.

“Alright listen, not all of us have a single-minded dedication to our work like you Kyoya-kun.” She said looking offended. “Now are you coming with me or not? Takeshi said his dad is making dinner tonight to celebrate Shoichi and Spanner winning that robotics competition.”

He didn’t say anything, but hearing his footsteps following her was all that Setsuna needed to know.

“Oh? Heading home now?” A deep voice called from the teacher’s room and Setsuna sent a silent apology to whatever deity whose shrine she had burned down in another life.

“None of your business.” She bit back as Reborn fell into step beside her.

“You’re the sister of my idiot student, everything is my business, it’s in my contract.”

“Liar.”

He smirked in return, a dark and alluring look that had sent half the girls in class this morning into a hormonal sea of drooling fantasies. It had been a terrifying sight.

“Maybe, but you can’t prove that.”

“Fledgling.” Suddenly Kyoya was by her side and his hand had taken a hold of her wrist. “Hurry or the pack will leave without you.”

Then she was being pulled down the hall by an irritated Prefect, Reborn easily keeping stride just behind them.

“She’s late,” Hana muttered as she checked her watch. Beside her Chrome adjusted her eyepatch, nonchalantly shifting her body weight to the heels of her feet.

“She probably had to wake Hibari-senpai up.”

“Yeah, Kyoya-senpai can be a grumpy riser,” Yamamoto said with a grin, how he and Setsuna had ever befriended the bloodthirsty prefect Hana would never understand. Especially up to the point that they were close enough with him to call him by his first name.

Granted, Setsuna’s reason was easy to figure out to anyone who had eyes, but still… It was the origin story that counted.  

“Oh, there they are!” Yamamoto swung his baseball bat over his shoulders. “And it looks like someone decided to follow along.”

“Is that Professor Reborn?” Chrome questioned.

“Great, another stray.” Hana sighed. “I swear she’s going to collect every weirdo in town one day.”

“Sorry I’m late, the Professor as you can see, decided to stalk us and Kyoya wanted to fight him when we got to the bottom floor.” As Sawada Setsuna apologized a girl watched from a distance as the other kids around her waved it off.

“Hibari wants to fight anything that gets within five feet of you.” Hana pointed out. The familiar scolding tone of her voice sent a pang through the girl. She missed it when she turned that voice to her, harsh yet a constant comfort.

“Oi Kyoko, what are you staring at?” A voice snapped Kyoko out of her daze, and she shot a smile to the boy ahead of her quickly walking to fall in beside him.

“Nothing Ienari-kun. I was just lost in thoughts.”

Ieanri rolled his eyes and linked his hand with hers.

“Don’t do that dummy, next thing you know you’ll end up walking into a stop sign or something.”

“Isn’t that what you did last time though?”

“Sh-Shut up!”

She giggled, but the sound quickly died down.

“Hey Ienari-kun," said gathering up the courage to ask him the question "why don’t you get along with your sister?”

He stopped walking, his lips thinning, and she winced as the grip on her hand tightened.

“Don’t bring her up Kyoko, I told you that.” His voice was hollow, cold. Kyoko could only nod.

“Good now let’s go.” And his grip released slightly as he dragged her off back to her home.

Chapter Text

How am I Even Still Alive?

Spanner once told me that Death approaches at a constant rate. It’s inescapable and looming closer and closer despite what we would personally plead.

Well…

Would appreciate it approaching a little faster.

Really at this point how I’m still alive is left a mystery even to me, because I’m pretty sure that death by shame is an option as well. Also, to those of you asking for my brother’s demon tutor to become a regular on my channel please go an-

Setsuna glared as a hand closed her laptop screen and a half-empty cup of coffee was thrust underneath her nose.

“You brewed it,” Reborn said as if he had just discovered she'd committed some sort of crime against humanity.

“Excuse me?” She narrowed her eyes, unsure if this was a mind game or if he really only noticed just today that she knew how to use the coffee machine.

“The coffee. You brewed it.”

“Yes, in case you haven’t realized my energy levels for the day start off in the negatives.” If she didn’t have at least two cups, to begin with, she was half dead to the world and all its inhabitants.

“You brewed it the first day I arrived?”

“Yes.”

“And your mother the days after.”

“I don’t have time for it every morning.” She explained. “Besides mama’s coffee is perfectly fine.”

The Hitman simply sniffed then took a seat across from her. “From now on, brew my coffee.” Dear lord, he had said the word ‘brew’ so many times it barely even sounded like a word to her anymore.

“Do it yourself.” She snipped.

“It won’t be as good.”

“Congratulations on admitting to being inferior to someone at something, but still no.”

“I’ll bring over Gokudera from Italy as a transfer.”

She paused and gave a long, suffering sigh. “You’re horrible.”

He smirked at her. “I’m a hitman.” And really that was all the explanation that was ever needed.

*  *  *

Really Reborn would have brought over Gokudera anyways, he was a potential candidate for the Vongola Storm position, a bastard son with everything to prove to a family that thought him too weak for their lifestyle as Mafia. Really a perfect option.

Which is why while he wished he could say he was surprised by Gokudera’s refusal, but he really wasn’t.

“I’m sorry Signor Reborn, but if the offer to travel to Japan hinges on me being the Storm Guardian of the new Decimo candidate I’ll have to decline.” A beat of silence passed over the line. “I’ve already pledged my allegiance to a Sawada, and they aren’t him.”

“I know,” Reborn said, resisting the urge to sigh. “But come anyway, I made a deal, which I never go back on, and at the very least it gives you an escape.” He didn’t say who he would be escaping from, but it was obvious to them.

 A week later Gokudera Hayato is transferring into the twins’ class. Three days after that a new video is up on Setsuna’s channel.

A Real Person After All! (Proof Gokudera is not an online sentient code or Eldritch Horror Feat. Gokudera IN PERSON)

Reborn would admit, seeing the silverette in a half-mask that looked like it came out of Phantom of The Opera stuttering through a video with his idolized ‘Principessa’ made the trouble alone worth it.

“Did your nephew really leave the unconscious bodies of her bullies at her doorstep when they were in elementary?” Reborn asked Fon as he looked up from the video on his phone.

Bodies for the Winter (How I Bonded with a Carnivorous Skylark/Catperson)

It was a strange title, but sadly fitting for what he had just learned. He would never admit to being growing addicted to Setsuna’s channel, but he could say that he appreciated the perpetual aura of ‘If you’re not here to end me then fuck off’ she seemed to radiate. Maybe it was a generational thing.  

Fon coughed lightly into his sleeve.

“It was a habit he picked up from his mother.” Was all he said

“As in your little sister.”

“The Hibari family views it as endearing.”

“Your sister and her son, leave corpses at the doorstep of people of interest as gifts.”

“Kyoya hadn’t killed them at that point.”

“I’m not hearing any denial.”

He had never seen Fon look so defeated in his life. He only wished he had a camera to savor it. Maybe he would swipe one of Setsuna’s for future use.

*  *  *

“REBORN!!!!” Setsuna watched as her brother sprang up with a flame on his head, yelling something about lost dignity and sprinting out of the kitchen window in a pair of dark blue boxers, because clearly the doorway had yet to be invented.

Sighing she took a sip from her cup of tea and pulled up an app on her computer.

Dante’s Inferno

Discord Server

Setsuna Today at 10:30 am
Lost, 17-year-old boy with dark blonde hair and the personality of a trashcan
Last seen running from home lit on fire dressed in navy blue boxers
If found, do not return. Please keep him or ship him off to Madagascar

Hayato Today at 10:30 am
That’s a mood

Takeshi Today at 10:30 am
He got shot again?

Setsuna Today at 10:31 am
I think at this point Reborn does it to relieve frustrations

Shoichi Today at 10:31 am
That is both terrifying and somewhat understandable
And the fact that I find myself relating to that scares me even more

Takeshi Today at 10:31 am
Congrats Shoichi, you’re one of us

Shoichi Today at 10:31 am
Thanks. I hate it

Takeshi Today at 10:32 am
:cry:

Hana Today at 10:32 am
What a short-tempered drama queen

Spanner Today at 10:32 am
We stan a drama queen whose outlets gives us blackmail

Hibari Today at 10:33 am
Fledgling your kin was found fighting Mochida in a pair of boxers at Namimori gym.
He shall promptly be bitten to death.

Setsuna Today at 10:34 am
Mochida or Ienari?
Actually I don’t care
Send a video?

Hibari Today at 10:37 am
Suffering.mp4
Hibari-san asked for me to film and send this to you
Regards,
Kusakabe

Setsuna Today at 10:37 am
We stan Hibari Kyoya who will get Kusakabe to film his victim’s suffering

Chrome Today at 10:37 am
I just stan whoever named that file

Takeshi Today at 10:38 am
Honestly Kyoya-senpai probably shouted out the title in the midst of fighting like “This is your suffering”
And Kusakabe probably went with it

Hayato Today at 10:38 am
I can’t decide if that means I need to complement the Skylark or the second half of his daily impulse control

Setsuna Today at 10:39 am
Who’s his first half?

Hayato Today at 10:41 am
Principessa… please don’t…

Hana Today at 10:41 am
Though some would also say she’s an enabler more than control device

Setsuna Today at 10:41 am
???
Ah damn, the tutor is coming downstairs.
Mama is out shopping, so I have to babysit the disaster
C ya

Takeshi Today at 10:43 am
I almost feel bad for Kyoya-senpai

Hana Today at 10:43 am
I don’t.
Anyone who leaves the bodies of 7-year olds at a girl’s doorstep as a courting gift deserves to have a bit of a hard time

Takeshi Today at 10:43 am
I mean, he was only nine and there were 3 of them.
It was a fair fight

Hana Today at 10:44 am
It was Hibari Kyoya

Spanner Today at 10:45 am
^^

Shoichi Today at 10:45 am
^^^

Chrome Today at 10:45 am
^^^^

Hayato Today at 10:45 am
Think long and hard about what you typed sword freak

Takeshi Today at 10:46 am
…
Fair

*  *  *

“So, was it a lesson or punishment?” Setsuna asked as she rummaged through the kitchen fridge for lunch.

“Both.” Reborn replied from behind her.

“What was his regret?”

“Something about a student looking at his girlfriend.”

Setsuna pulled out a bowl of leftover curry. “Oh, Sasagawa-san. She’s a nice girl, cute and sweet, still, don’t know what she sees in my brother.”

“Are you sure that’s not just because you’re siblings?” Reborn questioned her as she put the bowl in the microwave.

“Reborn, look me in the eye and name the traits that would attract you to him if you were a girl.” He scoffed at that

“If I were a girl, I wouldn’t be considering such low-ranking admirers in the first place.”

“I forgot to add in the clause of being a decent person and not such a diva.” She muttered under her breath as she stood on her tiptoes to get a bowl out of the cabinet.

God, she hated dish day. All the easy to reach bowls had been used and were in the washer, leaving her to take on the perilous task of reaching for the shelves that stretched higher than her height of 5’4. Even if she was taller than most Japanese girls, she wasn’t tall enough to reach a damn bowl without a footstool.

“Stupid genes, the one thing that useless father could have contributed was his height.” She grumbled. “Women in Italy are supposedly 5’6 but I got the short end of the stick.”

“You do realize that you’re more Japanese than Italian?” Reborn questioned from where he was now leaning against the kitchen counter. “That fact that you have an extra three inches is a miracle.”

“Shut up. Ienari has an extra six and he’s still going to continue growing.”

“That’s biology.”

“Look there’s only one thing I need to know about biology.” She said as she resigned herself to grabbing the pink footstool her other kept in the corner. “And height restrictions aren’t it.”

“What would that be then?”

Setsuna paused and stared Reborn straight into his eyes. “Did you know that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell?”

There was silence for a minute, as they continued to keep eye contact. Onyx black against soft brown.

Then Leon transformed into a gun.

She had never asked if Reborn kept up with pop culture or anything of the like, but from the number of bullets she had to dodge, she figured someone he worked with did.

She planned to send them a gift basket if she ever met them in person.

Chapter Text

“I detest statistics and hope it dies writhing in hellfire.” Setsuna hissed as she glared heavily at the math sheets before her.

“As your math teacher, I can’t tell you how much those words hurt my soul,” Reborn said blandly as he sipped his espresso from the seat across her.

“Except these are the ones assigned by Nezu since you were teaching 2-B today.” She pointed out. “And I’m pretty sure he’s asking us to solve a statistics problem with geometry…”

Reborn looked thoroughly unimpressed.

“No one is that incompetent Setsuna.” He said as he took her worksheet from her, only for his brows to furrow. Setsuna raised a brow as a minute passed, then two...

Reborn leaned back into his seat and tilted his fedora over his eyes.

“I stand corrected, and it’s not every day my expectations on idiocy are surpassed.”

“You work with my father though, shouldn’t you be used to having a constantly evolving scale?”

“Fair.” Reborn acknowledged, and Setsuna smirked slightly.

“Now make yourself useful Mr. Home tutor and do your job.”

The hitman gave her a blank stare.

“I’m a tutor, not an omnipotent being. I can’t change the laws of math.”

“Says the man who can draw out a person’s so-called dying will and send them running around town half-naked with their head lit on fire.” She snipped back at him.

“Things perfectly in my power, changing math theorems is not.”

“So, you admit it’s impossible?”

He glared at her as if he were insulted.

“No, it’s just going to take a lot of bending of perceptions to defend the method of your answer.”

Setsuna for once gave him a grin.

“Well then, it’s a good thing I’ve spent half my life bullshitting every adult whoever came across me.” And Reborn scoffed if that wasn’t the god damn understatement of the century…

“I have no doubt about that.”

Setsuna looked nothing short of delighted by his words and Reborn refused to believe that she had been unnoticed for so long. It was impossible, not when she practically radiated sky flames and a harmony factor that was quickly proving to be much more dangerous than he anticipated. It would be fine though, all he had to do was tutor her brat of a brother, it would be a good distraction and fulfill that itch he had for his daily fill of chaos-

“I wasn’t aware you could use radius calculations to find standard deviations…”

-after saving the older of the twins from this monstrosity though.

“You can’t.”

“Ah… well, guess I’ll just fail.”

A click of the safety and his gun was leveled at her face, a wicked grin on his lips.

“Nonsense, no student of mine will fail so easily.”

She raised an unimpressed brow. “I thought Ienari was your only assigned student?”

“I get a headache if I deal with him before noon.”

“…Fair I suppose.” She looked back down, speaking of fair a thought crossed his mind.

“And in the spirit of fairness, I’ll tell you this.” He leaned close, too close actually. Setsuna’s personal bubble was ruptured and screaming for vengeance because of how close he was. “Keep a close eye on your food today, it would be a shame if we lost a decent candidate for the Vongola.”

Her eyes narrowed as she leaned away.

“Call me a Vongola candidate again and I’ll eat anything handed to me for the rest of the day.” The fucker had the nerve to laugh.

*  *  *

From the moment Ienari got up, he felt like something was wrong, it wasn’t so much of outright signs but more of a deep unsettling vibration in his bones. He had felt it once far back after his father had brought that visitor home, and another time after that day. Suffice to say he knew this feeling, and he hated it. That damn smirk of his hellish tutor also did nothing to alleviate the fact, in fact, it only seemed to make his whole body rattle with a vibration of wrongness instead…

“Where’s my useless sister?” Ienari questioned, trying to shake off the ominous cloud, seeing that his older twin was not in the kitchen like she would usually be at this time.

“She had to go to school early, apparently the prefect had a job for her.” Was the only reply he got.

“I don’t know what anyone sees in her,” Ienari muttered as he scooped some rice from the rice cooker. “She’s an ungrateful little- AUGH!” The bottom of his bowl melted and stained the hardwood floor as noxious fumes rose up in the air, forming an honest to god skull.

“What the ever-living fuck!?” Ienari screamed Reborn took a step to study the mess, tilting his Fedora with that god-awful all-knowing grin.

“Well, she’s certainly improved from the past month.” He said

“Who’s improved!?”

His tutor looked at him, his eyes dark and solemn, but even that couldn’t hide the ever-present sadistic glint that always resided right beneath the surface.

“Your reaper.”

Ienari dropped the rice paddle too.

*  *  *

“I’m just saying, we can drain your dad’s bank account, and all purchase a house in the Galapagos to live together,” Hana suggested as she sucked on a lollipop.  

“And leave my mom with Ienari and that penguin idiot? No. Not happening.” Setsuna glared.

“We could take your mom with us.” Takeshi piped in from her right side

“If it were that simple, we would have done it already.” Setsuna pointed out. “Besides Kyoya wouldn’t leave Namimori if the gods themselves instructed him to.”

“True…” Hana sighed, her brows scrunching together in irritation. “Honestly he really could outlast the gods in a contest of pure stubbornness and will.”

Takeshi grinned brightly. “He wouldn’t be Kyoya-senpai if he couldn’t.”

“Don’t say it like it’s a compliment idiot.” Hana lectured him, but of course, it was a lost cause. In reality, Yamamoto was probably the most messed up out of the entire group, and she would stick by that statement until she died. After all, it took a special kind of creepy to smile like an angel while threatening to decapitate a 15-year-old for trying to lift up Setsuna’s skirt back when you’re only in middle school. Huh… maybe him being friends with the bloodthirsty prefect wasn’t that big of a surprise after all.

Taking a deep drink from her thermos, Setsuna rubbed her eyes as another yawn made its way from her throat.

“Long night?”

“Fuuta wanted to know when he can come home, he’s getting lonely at Fon’s even with I-pin and Lambo to keep him company.” She had stayed up nearly all night trying to comfort her little brother.

“The Bovino still haven’t picked him up?” Takeshi asked

“Not since he ran off for the twelfth time, how does he always end up in Japan anyways?”

“He probably comes back because his friends are here~” Takeshi said as if the answer were obvious.

A few seconds of silence passed, broken only by the sound of Hana swishing the lollipop in her mouth.

“Fuuta could be happy living in the Galapagos-”

“Hana, oh my god.”

*  *  *

Being a part of the Disciplinary Committee had perks, for instance, if Setsuna wanted to leave class and a teacher tried to stop her, all she had to do was flash her armband and they would pale to the point of resembling a ghost. She particularly enjoyed using it on Nezu.

However, it also meant that she was often called in as an intermediary between the student and regular population for various activities since Kyoya would probably bite them to death and Kusakabe was often busy simply keeping the majority of the herd in line when Kyoya wasn’t around. In this instance, it was meeting a prospective assistant Home Economics teacher and showing them around.

“Sawada-san.” Reborn’s voice called to her as she made her way down the hall, thank the gods for small blessings that he didn’t call her nicknames in school like he did Ienari.

“Yes Professor?” She asked, a saccharine tone coating her voice to convey how she was not in the mood for any of his hijinks.

“I just wanted to make sure you remember my advice from earlier.” He grinned, adjusting his signature fedora. “It would be a shame to lose such a bright and promising student because of an accident.”

Setsuna’s eye twitched, which was a feat considering the type of people she had to deal with during her daily life.

“If your so concerned, then call off your hitman.” She was friends with Hibari Kyoya after all, and nothing happened in Namimori without the Hibari family knowing. All it took was a call and an email for the Scorpion’s profile to show up on her phone. Damn mafia and their inability to keep a single classified secret.

Instead of responding to her call out, the bastard simply smirked and sent her on her way.

Jerk. He was definitely getting decaf for the next week if she was lucky maybe it would act as a sort of poison and kill him.

Pulling out her phone as she walked down the hall, Setsuna sent a single text to Takeshi before entering the staff room.

From: Setsuna
To: Takeshi
Hayato’s sister is here, keep him out of the way for the day.

The Vongola heir was small and filled with all the arrogance of an ambitious pauper who had a crown thrown on him and a throne laid at his feet.

‘Well…’ Bianchi thought with a smirk, he wouldn’t stay that way for long. He would die, and then Reborn, oh her precious Reborn~ They could be together once again~

“Miss Rossi?” Bianchi snapped out of her stupor and blinked at the girl before her, her eyes doing a sweep and automatically compiling data. Second year, tall for a Japanese girl, around 5’6. Well-muscled so she most likely had a training regiment of sorts, sports or martial arts.

All this flowed into Bianchi’s mind within seconds, and in the end her only thoughts were ‘What a cute girl, it’s too bad she and her brother will be dead by the end of the day’

Because if Bianchi left her alive, then Reborn would stay and train her instead. No, she had to get both the heir and spare.

“Yes, that’s me. Maria Rossi, are you my guide for today?” She asked with a smile

“Something like that, I’m just here to hand you off to your official guide. I actually have work to catch up on so if you’ll follow me please.” She swept some long hair behind her ear, the dull look in her brown eyes giving Bianchi the distinct feeling that she would rather be digging her own grave than in the same room as her.

“God--mn Re--n…” The girl muttered under her breath and Bianchi’s head picked up.

“Pardon?”

“Nothing, this way Miss Rossi.” And Bianchi stood up to follow the spare heiress to the classroom that wouldn’t be used for anything more than her genius ruse.

If the hall had been silent enough, Bianchi may have heard the cosmos laughing at her as it had at her love weeks ago.

The Idiot had been jumpy all day.

Good.

Reborn smirked, you couldn’t be a mafia boss without a healthy sense of paranoia. Though not many showed it, Reborn could guarantee that any boss worth his gun was always one jump away from the trigger. For self-preservation, of course, it’s not like half of them would actually pull the trigger right away.

The breakfast and snack had been one thing but opening his water bottle to find a deep violet waste that quite literally peeled the paint off of the walls had shot the rest of the boy’s nerves. Reborn would admit, Bianchi had outdone herself this time.

The bell rang for lunch and Ienari leaped up before dashing out of the room. Reborn decided to let him, it would be amusing to see how he escaped his invisible hunter.

Stepping out of the classroom seemed like a good idea, either way, his legs needed a good stretch. Plus, he was curious how the little lioness was faring, though thinking about it, it almost seemed insulting to Setsuna to compare her in any capacity to her idiot father.

Reborn was barely past the threshold to the third floor when he was accosted by said Lioness. Usually, he would shoot a student who dared grab him in any way, but she was fuming, and he was in dire need of entertainment. So, he let her drag him up to the roof where she went off in a tirade of impressive, if slightly accented Italian for a good seven and a half minutes, it would have been more but halfway through she had switched to mandarin curses.

“What kind of lunatic women do you date you creep!?” She yelled at him when she had finally calmed down. There were several holes in her uniform and burn marks on her arms. A cut was still openly bleeding on her cheek, and her eyes held the hostility of a cornered beast ready to murder all in its path.

On any other day, Reborn would have made a witty remark or antagonized his target more, instead, he took a different approach.

“You’re bleeding, let’s get that cleaned up.” He removed a handkerchief from his pocket, unable to contain the huff of amusement when she jumped away from his extended hand, teeth bared, and shoulders raised as she hissed like an offended cat.

“I don’t need your dubious medical care, I need you to put a leash on your girlfriend and get her out of Namimori before Kyoya beats her half to death and leaves me with the paperwork!”

“I didn’t realize handkerchiefs accounted under the “dubious” category of medical supplies,” Reborn said with a smirk, ignoring the entire second half of her sentence. Setsuna eyed him wearily.

“Anything that you come in contact with should be burned for the sake of humanity, dubious is the least offensive thing I could think of.”

“What was the most?”

“You would probably shoot me for saying it.” Taking the moment of distraction, Reborn rather unceremoniously grabbed Setsuna’s face and dabbed at the cut with the cloth. The cut wasn’t that bad but seeing her reaction earlier he wanted to know the results when he succeeded.

He wasn’t disappointed. Setsuna screeched, this time resembling an owl as she thrashed in his hold and leaped back so that she was against the fence.

“Away Satan!”

“You nearly get taken out by a hitman and I’m where you draw the line at for all that is evil and immoral in the world?”

“Yes. Absolutely.” She replied bluntly, and he cracked a smile.

“By the way, I feel that I should point out that Bianchi isn’t my lover. She has a slight obsession with me, but nothing I entertained too much.”

“Hear that? It’s the sound of utter bullshit.”

“I said not too much. I never said I didn’t entertain it~”

Setsuna wrinkled her nose at him. “You need some serious help.”

He waved the comment off

“Speaking of help, just how bad of a state did you leave my teaching partner in?”

“So she was here for Ienari after all.”

“Initially, but she must have decided to target you as well. She didn’t wish to risk me being transferred over to teach the spare after all.”

“She’ll be fine…” Setsuna paused. “Probably… maybe…”

Two, three… seven seconds.

“She is immune to her own cooking. Right?”

Reborn raised a brow

“You force-fed the Poison Scorpion her own poison?”

“Force is such a rude word. I prefer… aggressively encouraged.” She gave him an angelic smile and Reborn pulled his fedora over his eyes to shield them from the sparkles.

“Dio mio, how did your brother end up the heir at all with you living on the same planet?”

“That penguin ghost is about as observant as a 3-day old infant, which is why I’m happy to hand the job to Ienari and avoid things like this!” She pointed to her ruined jacket and dress shirt. “This is the third one this month!”

“You say that as if the first two were my fault as well.”

“The second was because you released bullet ants in the class as motivation to solve our calculus sheets faster!”

“And you finished in nine minutes.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be torturing my brother?” She glared and his smirk widened even more

“He gets boring cara mia, you are much more interesting to play with~”

Her eyes stared at him blankly utterly done with the world, as if she were contemplating falling through the metal fencing.

“I’ll let you bother me on video if you keep your schemes out of my school life.”

How sweet victory tasted.

And thus, the mysterious Reborn joined the ranks of her regular guests. Bianchi did end up recovering and starting a regiment to render her immune to her own poisons but Setsuna couldn’t have cared less. Though it did gratify her to see Bianchi eat all meals outside of the same vicinity as her.

Ienari was NOT happy that the Poison Scorpion was living under the same roof, but a few rounds of bullets from his demon tutor were quick to change his mind.

Ah yes, everything was normal… except…

“Fon you must have some sort of blackmail on him! Please?” She whimpered as she hung off her master’s arm like a child, giving him her best does eyes, teary lashes and all. “He’s been lording this over me all week!”

“Blackmail on Reborn at this point could be its own cryptid Setsuna.” He pointed out as he pet her silky hair in a soothing fashion.

“But you must have something!”

Fon thought long and hard, debating if he should truly carry through with it. He thought back to every shattered teacup, every lost canister of premium Oolong, and matcha because of his friend’s temper. Even before the curse…

Finally, taking a long sip from a steaming mug, he gave Setsuna a smile and casually said-

“Renato Sinclair is a very dashing name. Don’t you agree?”

*  *  *

Dante’s Inferno

Discord Server

Setsuna Today at 10:42 am
Thisishowidie.jpg
WORTH

Shoichi Today at 10:42 am
ASDFGHJKL!
Tsuna!? Why is your brother’s tutor chasing you with a gun!?

Hibari Today at 10:43 am
The carnivore was acting smug for a reason.
Fledgling I’m coming to get you.
Don’t you dare die.

Hayato Today at 10:43 am
PRINCIPESSA!

Setsuna Today at 10:44 am
I REGRET NOTHIIUFDQUGL
_____________________________________________________________________

Hana Today at 10:47 am
That’s it.
I’m buying that house in the Galapagos for myself.

Chapter Text

Reborn, or as Setsuna sometimes enjoyed calling him when they were alone, Renato fiddled with the safety of his gun as Leon nibbled on some apple bits in said girl’s palm.

“What’s got you all antsy Mr. Home tutor?” She asked, gently petting Leon on the head, grinning when the Chameleon licked the tip of her finger in return.

The glare he sent her was so chilling that, had she not been friends with Hibari Kyoya for more than half her life, she might have just died from it.

“The Ranking Prince.”

She gave him what she absolutely knew was a shit eating grin

“Oh right, I think that’s what those thugs called Fuuta the day we found him…”

“The Ranking Prince who disappeared four years ago is your little brother?”

“Is he? I thought he was just some weird free loader who I spent my days walking to school with and cooking for when Mama was too busy.”

“Setsuna.”

“Renato~”

To his credit he no longer fired off a round when she said his name, she had the decency to keep it secret… aside from changing his name on every single one of her damn videos. He had hunted both her and Fon for the entire weekend for that and would have continued if his actual job hadn’t required him to get back to Ienari.

She had been quick to assure him that no one would be able to make the connection because of the illusion, and that she had a close monitor on all content related to her channel and blog, so he would be notified if something went wrong.

It was terrifying even to himself how easily he believed her.

At this rate, Setsuna could probably walk into Vendicare with a smile batting those doe eyes of hers and leave with whichever criminal she desired.

Out in the back by the dojo, Fuuta was playing a game of miniature football (Or soccer as the Japanese called it, they just had to learn that one from the Americans…) with Yamamoto, Gokudera, and Chrome. She may appear timid, but the purple-haired girl had a competitive streak that could rival Setsuna’s blood thirsty cloud. None of them paused when Setsuna had goten up from her spot, stretching before giving Reborn a smile that he did Not. Like. At. All.

“Stop that.” He said automatically

“What?”

“You’re smiling like Fon, and quite frankly it’s terrifying.”

The smile widened, lips tugging up in a serene way that just promised the suffering of someone; and as much as Reborn hated to admit it, that someone would usually end up being him. Fon had been one of the only two people out of the entire arcobaleno who could do something to him and get away with it. He did NOT need his student to be able to do the same.

“Good, now grab your espresso and get up, we have a video to film.”

“Pardon?”

Her lips parted, finally showing teeth. Blindingly white and straight in a way that most brace-faced teens would kill for.

“You wanted to be on my channel Mr. Sun Arcobaleno.” She reminded him. “And you’re sorely mistaken if you think I won’t turn this into an opportunity to milk you for every bit of ad revenue you’re worth~”

It was times like these that Reborn had to wonder how the hell she was related to Iemitsu, because not once had that idiot blond managed to set off Reborn’s survival instincts in the way his daughter had.

* * *

Reborn loved chaos, he welcomed it, reveled in it. It was partially why he allowed himself to work with those little everyday changes rather than against it. Of course, while he would prefer to be able to read a situation and predict the outcome, he was also perfectly fine with seeing where the winds took him and using his situation to his advantage.

He had bluffed himself out of countless tight spots by using this mindset. Nothing unnerves an enemy more than a cool head and utter nonchalance to their surprise attacks and master plans.

Nothing, however, could have ever prepared him for the hurricane that was the Sawada twins. It was like walking into a forest fire and deciding what it needed was a truckload of gasoline and coal. As if fueling the flames wasn’t enough, no, they wanted to stoke them until they were high enough to burn Heaven’s toes and then some.

It was seething anger, resentment, and bitter rivalry rolled up into an attention-needy teen and emotionally repressed vlogger. Like one wrong step would cause that careful cork seal to pop and the taunts and jeers would turn to an all-out war between them.

So Reborn was careful, he took the tense wire and walked it with an ease only he had. He redirected tempers, fueled sections of flame while dousing out others, and after a month or so, he felt that he had constructed a safe path to navigate between Ienari and Setsuna…

Then he walked in on the twins playing Mario Kart with the younger kids, joined by a small group of friends as spectators, and all his observations crashed down on him like a hundred-foot tsunami wave.

“Fuuta! How could you!?” Ienari cried out melodramatically as the twelve-year-old released a blue shell onto the first-place driver.

“By pressing the L-button Nari-nii.” Fuuta replied. “You should try it sometime.”

From her spot next to I-pin Setusna snickered.

“I have never been prouder of you in my life Fuuta, just for that I won’t red shell you if you pass me.”

“Yeah, you would favor him Setsuna!”

“Don’t hate me for being in first now Ienari.”

“Fuck off! Preferably off the course actually.”

“Language~”

“I-pin got a star! Coming after you Lambo!”

“No! Stay away!” He flung fireballs behind him haphazardly only to be thrown off the course as Princess Peach mercilessly zoomed past.

“Oof on Rainbow Road too. I-pin is merciless…” Ienari muttered and Lambo gripped the controller.

“Revenge!!!” He wailed, seeming to lock onto his friend as his only target.

“You go little bro! To the EXTREME!!!” Sasagawa Ryohei yelled cheering Ienari on, to the right of him was another boy, sitting father off but watching with just as much interest.

“Ienari, you’re pathetic at this.” He said bluntly

“Shut up Akito!” Ienari snapped at a dark-eyed Yamazaki Akito, who simply shrugged and went back to observing.

“Get them Principessa!” Gokudera yelled, almost vibrating with excitement as Yamamoto switched between cheering Tsuna on, and subtly egging on more of Fuuta’s targeted assaults on Ienari.

All in all, it was a regular game session between family and friends…

Reborn decided to walk back out and get a strong drink of anything to help the world make sense again. He almost longed for the days when his students were plainly useless. At least he knew what to expect then.

* * *

When Setsuna walked home, she took one look at the long line of men dressed in expensive Italian three-piece suits, and promptly turned around. Yeah, she was not dealing with this today. If there was one thing, she had learned during the past couple of months of Reborn living with them, it was that if something looked even the slightest bit out of place, it was his doing and was going to be an annoyance. So, seeing a group of people so clearly out of place that a blind person would probably stop and stare, meant that it would be upgraded from annoyance to destructive disaster.

Pulling out her phone, she sent a text out to Kyoya.

To: Kyo-kun
So… If I wanted to hypothetically avoid my house for the rest of the day…

From: Kyo-kun
What did you do now?

To: Kyo-kun
Why do you think it’s always me? :(

From: Kyo-kun
Are you saying it’s not?

To: Kyo-kun
TheGovernmentisHere.jpg
Do I look like I own the Men in Black?

A moment later her cell phone began to ring.

“Yes?” She answered casually, despite being able to feel the irritation radiating even before she pressed the answer key.

“Fledgling. Why are there strangers crowding your home?” Kyoya growled from over the line. Setsuna peaked from behind the wall she had taken cover with and made a noncommittal noise in the back of her throat.

“If I had to guess? Reborn.” She said simply. “Or more specifically, a scheme of Reborn’s involving my brother which I have no interest in being involved in.”

“And you’re telling me this because….”

“I’m coming over and you can’t stop me.”

The line went silent for a moment, and the smallest of sighs were heard.

“How long?”

“Two nights max.”

“Hn. I’ll tell my parents.” He acted like he was irritated, but Setsuna knew better. After all his parents adored her. His mother especially, actually Setsuna was half certain that the woman wanted to adopt her for herself with all the comments she made about how “they would one day be family for real…”

Because the Hibari’s had one mode, and that was feral. So clearly his mother was planning on stealing her from her family and raising her like some Jungle Book-esque story. Still, Setsuna enjoyed their company far too much to stop visiting them anytime soon, so she figured she’d cross any kidnapping bridges when she got to them.

“Tell Miyuki-san I said hello~”

Kyoya’s mother Miyuki was Fon’s half-sister. From what Setsuna knew, their father had multiple wives throughout his life which would also explain the larger age gap between the two siblings. Even though Miyuki had been born in China like her brother, her mother was Japanese and after her death, Fon had sent his sister to Japan for her own protection where she had met Kyoya’s father.

From the other line, Kyoya huffed.

“Tell her yourself. I’ll be expecting you in 20 minutes maximum.”

“Give me some time to try and sneak out a change of clothes at least.” She pouted over the line.

“You’ve left plenty here, and if you need, I can take you shopping.” He wasn’t going to budge on this, so Setsuna sighed.

“Okay, you win. I’ll see you in a bit Kyo-kun.”

“If they try and follow you, go for the throat.” And with that heartwarming piece of advice, he hung up.

“Why always the throat? Why can’t it be something more fun, like the ankle? I’d be a literal ankle biter.”

Setsuna grumbled to herself as she slipped her phone back into the pocket of her bag. It seemed like most people were out front, but she wouldn’t be surprised if there were more inside as well. While she could disobey Hibari and risk sneaking into her room for some supplies, she would bet her right foot that the moment she landed on the lower roof of the home, Reborn would know and set out to capture her, if only for his own entertainment.

So instead, Setsuna adjusted her bag, smoothed out her skirt, and turned right around to head down the street to walk to Kyoya’s neighborhood. Ienari would just have to suffer.

* * *

“Oh my, Setsuna-chan is coming over? How marvelous~” Kyoya’s mother had reacted predictably, a bright smile overtaking her youthful features. “I’ll be sure to cook extra for our meals then.”

“Is it that man again?” His father, Seichi questioned, sipping a cup of green tea as he typed away at his laptop. Kyoya was certain he was already looking at a flight manifest for the most recent passenger lists on planes that arrived from Italy for one certain blond menace.

“No, her tutor. He brought guests over.”

“Oh! The Cavallone group, Fon did say they were being brought in for some training exercise.” Miyuki said as she got up to fetch something, probably for Setsuna.

“Training?” Kyoya would admit, his interest had been slightly peaked, but Seichi made a noise of disapproval.

“No one worthy of our time, especially if they’re here for that child.”

“It’s a shame Setsuna won’t simply move in with us, Nana would be more than welcome to as well of course, though I think Tsuyoshi would have something to say about that.” Miyuki lamented as she laid out another cup and plate of snacks at the remaining edge of the small table they were seated at.

“Mother…” Kyoya growled, though it didn’t have any effect on her, not when she was capable of so much worse. Really to Miyuki, her son was still but a small kitten, trying to appear big and strong by making his own little group in imitation of his father. It was adorable.

“Oh, don’t give me that Kyoya, you’ve been far too subtle with her-” They both ignored his father’s cough at the word ‘subtle’ he had no room to talk since he and his mother had courted each other over dead bodies and cold steel. “You’ve staked your claim long ago, now you have to follow through, or else a nosy insect may think they can some in and steal her away.”

The wood of the table seemed to take an alarming dip under the strength of his fingers, and his jaw clenched, a sign usually indicating to those around him that destruction was sure to follow. But instead of breaking furniture, or worse using them as weapons of mass terror and destruction, Kyoya took a breath through his nose, staring down at the cup of tea before him.

“She knows,” Kyoya said after a moment. “She just chooses to pretend that she doesn’t, and I will not push her.”

Not the way her father had with her own mother, smothering Nana in gifts and stealing her attention and affection until he was the only one she would ever be able to see, not because he deserved it, but because he had pushed out everyone else she had left.

Miyuki made a displeased sound.

“If I ever meet Setsuna’s father, I’m ripping his tongue out and shoving it into his lungs.”

Seichi didn’t say anything other than a slight twitch of the hand that was resting on the mouse-pad of his laptop, most likely because he agreed. Good, Kyoya usually didn’t like sharing his prey, but this was a rare time he would accept his parents support in taking one down.

“That man has caused far too much damage to his family. We allowed him to start his family here out of goodwill towards the Sawada line, however…” Seichi’s brow twitched. “The mental state of his children has only really declined since that day, it’s impressive Setsuna is as well adjusted as she is, and it wouldn’t do to have that Sun Arcobaleno ruining her progress.”

Before anything else could be said, their doorbell rang in announcement telling them that their guest had arrived, and suddenly his mother was up and gone with the wind to greet the Fledgling, leaving Kyoya with his father.

Seichi typed away on his laptop, Kyoya knew that the information stored on that device could cause entire countries to fall if his father so desired. Lucky for them, this branch of the Hibari family hadn’t been interested in the politics of the greater world. Namimori and its residents were their territory, and the only thing father and son were concerned over. His mother though, he knew for a fact had caused the dissolution of at least 3 small governments in South America within the past six months alone. Her reasons however were her own, whether it was because they had disrespected her or it had been a favor called in by his uncle were for her to share or keep to herself as she wished.

“Please excuse my intrusion…” Setsuna walked in a minute later, still dressed in her school uniform, her book bag clutched close to her chest. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail in an effort to keep her usually fluffy locks tamed, and the bottom of her eyes had the beginnings of dark circles forming.

Truthfully, though she often hid it well, she was tired, and Kyoya knew it. His father was right, as well-adjusted as Setsuna appeared, as flippant and sarcastic as she usually was, the Sun Arcobaleno’s presence had set her further on edge than she would have liked. It meant that the mafia was encroaching into her life, and her brother was being given a position of power over her. Despite the fact that she had never wanted it, the current head of the family along with her father had made an active choice that branded her as inferior to her younger sibling, which would no doubt lead to eventual headaches.

“Fledgling, rest in my room before you fall over,” Kyoya said as he got up to take her bag from her. Setsuna looked like she wanted to protest, but his mother quickly cut her off.

“Listen to Kyoya Tsu-chan, you look absolutely exhausted. Is it that math teacher of yours again? Or your brother? Really we would be happy to help you put them in their place.” Miyuki said with a smile that Kyoya had come to know meant his father would be making late-night visits to the Coroner’s office not long after.

Setsuna expertly waved his mother’s offer off though, a slightly exasperated smile coming onto her face.

“Thank you for the offer Miyuki-san, but Nezu sensei hasn’t bothered me for a while now, and I think my brother mysteriously vanishing might actually exacerbate this particular headache…”

“Your father has never been very observant, nor is he a reliable judge of character for anything directly outside of the active family, despite what the current Vongola Don would like to believe,” Seichi said as he continued to scroll something. “Though I will say, I expected more from Reborn, Fon held him in high regard.”

Setsuna paused for a moment, thanking Kyoya’s mother as she handed her a cup of tea for herself. She tried to think of the best way to answer the elder Hibari in a way that wouldn’t lead to any trouble. Indicate that Reborn is a menace and he would most likely find himself on the hit list of Namimori’s guardians, which was not something you wanted to experience, Arcobaleno or not. On the other hand, fully praising him just felt like an outright lie.

“He’s a sadistic demon, but at least he’s honest about it.” She finally settled on her answer. The typing paused, and she realized that Seichi had turned his full attention onto her. For a moment Setsuna couldn’t help but intake the similarities between her dear Cloud and his father, though Kyoya most definitely got a majority of his looks from his maternal line (he and Fon were nearly twins), his attitude and strict moral code were very much a product of his father.

Fon and Miyuki were dangerous, yes, but they hid that danger beneath smiles and honeyed charms, by the time you realized you had done something wrong, it would be far too late, and you would lay with your life bleeding away before you could ever think to stop it.

The Hibari’s however, have always been straightforward and clear about what they expected from those around them, and the consequences that would follow if those expectations were not met. In that way, they were easier to navigate, so long as you stayed in line and followed their rules, you had no need to worry about incurring their wrath. You could also, in turn, rely on the fact that if you resided within their territory, you were well protected from outside threats.

Setsuna also knew that this was what Seichi was trying to evaluate now. If Reborn was ultimately going to be a help or danger to the residents of his town.

Setsuna took a sip of her tea, as much as she loved her mother, there was no doubt that Miyuki always made it the best.

“Truthfully, he’s a nuisance at his best and an inescapable terror the rest of the time, and he managed to get Fon to team up with him against me so I have to deal with him more than I’d like… but I can’t deny that he’s good at his job,” Setsuna said. “He’s smart, and he has experience in training people, he also is helping Ienari get used to freeing his flames…” She paused at that, her hand rubbing absentmindedly at her chest, trying to ignore the lingering chill she still felt to this day.

“Those flames will only take him so far Setsuna.” Seichi said, not unkindly, but also not gently either.

Miyuki nodded in agreement.

“You may be twins, but sooner or later he’ll hit a wall he won’t be able to break. After all, what can you expect from a child who lives off of siphoning his sister’s flames?”

Setsuna didn’t have anything to say in return.  

*  *  *

“I know what you want to say.” Setsuna didn’t let Kyoya speak once they got to his room, his mother had insisted they enjoy a nap before their meal (how had no one realized the Hibaris were cats with human skin yet?). “I know, and I’m sorry I just- I can’t just stop now. I don’t know what will happen if I stop now…”

She sounded even more exhausted, and he knew it was because she hated this conversation, this endless circle they had been going around in since she was barely even five. Since the day that useless man had come home with the Vongola Don, and caused an irreparable rift in the very family he claimed to wish to protect. It made Kyoya enraged, to think he could claim to be a Protector, a pillar, when he was nothing but a corrupting rot that ruined all it touched.

“What will happen is you claim what’s rightfully yours, and I will burn CEDEF to the ground before your father’s very eyes. Then we’ll spend the rest of our lives here in Namimori and I will work with the rest of our infuriating pack to slaughter any hard-headed clam that attempts to sneak their way back in and have the Deceiving Carnivore’s father send them back to Italy as chowder”

She gave a small smile at that, and he was pleased that she found comfort in his promise of arson and wanton slaughter. She could deny it all she wishes, but there was a part of her that was just as vicious as he was.

“You only actually talk when it involves bloodshed, you know that?” She said, that small grin still etched onto her face. “Also, you know Takeshi hates it when you call him that.”

“If he dislikes it then he can simply shed that useless herbivore mask and I will stop.”

While he was speaking, she had climbed under the covers of his futon, and Kyoya wasted no time following after her. She turned to face him and curled her body so that her forehead was resting against his chest, his arm automatically came to wrap its way around her waist. Despite the warm clothes she wore, the sweater and thick tights under her school skirt, she was still just a little too cold, her body temperature slightly too frigid not to take notice of…

“He’s been using more of your flames while training, the Sun Arcobaleno can’t be this oblivious-”

“Please, I don’t want to talk about this, not right now.” She whispered. “Just, hold me, tell me about your day. Kusakabe said that you nearly murdered Nezu, I had thought you were planning to expose him as a fraud before breaking every bone in his body.”

He tightened his grip around her, their legs so close that they had to brush slightly for them to be comfortable.

“He dared to talk negatively about you in my presence.”

She giggled, it was short and extremely soft, but he heard it, and it brought him relief.

“You can’t kill everyone just for saying mean things about me Kyo.” She admonished him, though her words had no heat behind them. “Or else they’re going to think that I’m incapable of defending myself without you around.”

“That would be their fatal error then.”

She smiled but didn’t say anything, simply moved her hand so that her fingers could lightly curl around his own free hand’s fingers, a way of her giving him room even as close as they already were. It was moments like these that confirmed what Kyoya had always known since they were children. Setsuna was aware, she had always been aware of just how deep his possessiveness (not feelings, definitely not) towards her flowed. Perhaps he should have been more irritated at her refusal to openly acknowledge them, for running away so often when they knew. But Kyoya also knew better, he knew her better. No one but he and Yamamoto Takeshi knew the depths of the wounds Setsuna carried to this day, a small animal forced to bare fangs it shouldn’t have had to grow. Not even her mother was truly aware…

The Hibari family didn’t waste time worrying about verbal emotional sentiments, words were nothing without action to support them. Setsuna’s actions told him everything he needed would ever need to know. There was something shared between them, something that not even the other elements were able to share with her, but she wasn’t ready, and that was fine. Hibaris’ were patient when needed. Kyoya would remain patient as long as she required him to, so long as she stayed by his side, where no pesky herbivores or Arcobalenos could try and steal her away to a world that would mercilessly attempt to stamp out what she had left.

“I hate that he still defends him,” she said after a while, her voice soft and small as if she were trying to hold back tears, “and I hate that he does it without even understanding why he does, but he’s my little brother. How heartless would I have to be to take this away from him?”

Kyoya’s eyes snapped down to watch her as she played absentmindedly with the crease of his shirt.

“You took nothing from him Setsuna.” He said firmly. “That man is the one who took his warmth, and your foolish brother froze it over by his own choices. You are the only one here being taken from.”

And had it been up to Kyoya, he would have never allowed it to happen in the first place, it would have never gone on for this long.

“But I can’t do anything else to help him Kyo… I can only give him this.”

“What you’re giving him, is far more valuable than anything else he ever could and will receive in his life, and if he’s not smart it will be his last gift as well.”

She poked him in his rib, he didn’t flinch.

“I already told you, no offing my brother. I’m not bailing you, or our friends out of prison.”

Kyoya scoffed.

“As if a measly prison could hold us.”

“You all really are the worst menaces around.”

He would take that compliment with pride.

*  *  *

Dante’s Inferno

Discord Server

Setsuna Today at 7:02 pm
I’m going to murder Reborn’s old student alongside him. Fake kidnapping Ienari? Go for it, in fact make it real and keep him.
But ruining MY HOUSE!?

Takeshi Today at 7:02 pm
We’re happy to have your mom and the kids with us while your home is repaired Tsuna, dad loves having her around to help out with the restaurant, but are you sure you don’t want to stay with her?

Hibari Today at 7:03 pm
The Fledgling will be staying with me for the time being, it works out the best as she already has items at my home.

Takeshi Today at 7:03 pm
Makes sense. I guess that means I’ll be swinging by this week then Kyoya-senpai!

Hibari Today at 7:03 pm
Don’t expect this to be an easy visit Deceiving Carnivore
*Takeshi reacted with :SetsunaCryingWhyEmoji:*

Setsuna Today at 7:03 pm
I thought we agreed to remove that emoji!
*Several people reacted with :HanaNoSmug:*

Takeshi Today at 7:04 pm
Innocent blood was shed for these emoji pictures Tsuna. We need to honor their sacrifices

Setsuna Today at 7:04 pm
You guys bribed Spanner to snap pictures with drones. What blood?

Takeshi Today at 7:04 pm
Metaphorical blood counts too. Besides, you use that Hibari emoji more than anyone of us.
*Setsuna reacted with :HibariMurder:*

Hibari Today at 7:04 pm
You will both perish by my hand

Several People are Typing…

Hana Today at 7:04 pm
Hibari planning murder again aside.
Setsuna. What the actual fuck. A giant turtle?

Hayato Today at 7:04 pm
I heard that the Cavallone family was visiting today, the Boss’ pet is some sort of strange turtle that grows as it absorbs water. Definitely an UMA

Shoichi Today at 7:05 pm
My sister was really pissed off, a flying piece of debris crushed a blueberry bush she was trying to grow

Setsuna Today at 7:05 pm
Ah fuck, tell Akiko I’m sorry? I’ll make Reborn take her to a plant nursery to get a new one.
*Shoichi Reacted with :ThumbsUp:*

Hana Today at 7:05 pm
Replying to Hayato: I heard that the Cavallone family was…
BreatheInBoi.gif
The Mafia is paying for my therapy

Setsuna Today at 7:06 pm
Mood

Takeshi Today at 7:06 pm
Does that mean you’ll go to therapy?

Setsuna Today at 7:07 pm
Not Mood

Hana Today at 7:07 pm
Called it

—————————————————— New Message ——————————————————

Spanner Today at 7:15 pm
Hey Setsuna, where’s your pain of a brother and his tutor staying?

Setsuna Today at 7:16 pm
As long as it’s far away from me, who the fuck cares?
*Several People Reacted with :ThisArrowUp:*

Spanner Today at 7:16 pm
Fair.