Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The special day they'd been planning for nearly a month has finally arrived.

They’ve both been so busy lately that they had hardly any time to devote to each other. It would be so much easier on both of them if they could just share a bed like a proper couple and spend every night together, but they can’t. If word of their relationship were to get out, it would cause quite an uproar, and Eren can only stay so late before people start asking questions.

Levi’s mindset is, I’m the captain, fuck whoever has a problem with it, I’ll shout it from the rooftops if I damn well please. Maybe someday he’ll even be lucky enough to have the honor of wearing his ring. But, for Eren’s sake… it’s safer this way–for now.

It's been a trying month for everybody in the Corps, but this week, in particular, had been especially grueling. It left the pair at the end of their sanity, and they both desperately needed every single second of private time and relaxation they could squeeze out of their demanding schedules. 

And, for Levi, there’s no better stress reliever than getting his ass absolutely fucking reamed by his brat. Or vice versa, if that’s what Eren’s in the mood for. Either way would be fine by him.

Chapter Text

“Sir?”

Eren’s so preoccupied with finding Levi that he doesn’t hear the doorman asking to collect his coat until the third attempt.

He’s too busy scanning the room for Levi to take his eyes off the crowd, so when he removes his heavy overcoat, he extends his arm and drops it, assuming the attendant is reaching for it, which he isn’t, forcing him to scramble to catch it before it falls onto the slush-covered floor in the entryway.

The attendant huffs and shoots him an angry look, but Eren’s already wandering away to get a better look inside the bustling ballroom. The attendant wipes the nasty expression off their face and replaces it with something more cheerful when another group shuffles in behind Eren, chatting amongst themselves while shaking off their coats and vigorously rubbing the numbing chill out of their hands.

Eren keeps his eyes peeled as he enters the spacious, ornately decorated ballroom. To the left, he sees a fireplace surrounded by plush, cozy-looking armchairs and loveseats on either side of a grand sofa—no Levi.

In the center of the room, people are dancing on the polished hardwood floor, and something uncomfortable rises in his chest while he studies each couple. The uneasy feeling disappears when he finds Levi is not among them, though he’s still anxious to find him.

Eren looks past the dancers to a sizable group of people congregating around several long tables draped in white and gold linens that line the back wall. They’re talking and laughing, bearing delicate flutes of something golden and sparkling with tiny bubbles. A few are in uniform, but none of them are Levi.

He looks to the right, and there are more people he doesn’t recognize, all dressed in formal attire. There’s a quartet of men in tuxedos in the corner near a colossal pine tree that, for some odd reason, is indoors. Each man is playing a different stringed instrument.

A woman in an excessively wide dress swishes past him, and she doesn’t bother apologizing when she bumps into him. He’s growing more frustrated by the second, and now he’s starting to worry that Levi isn’t here. How the hell would he have been able to worm his way out of attending? Erwin was adamant about everyone being there. There’s no way. He has to be here somewhere.

Well, as they say, speak of the devil, and he shall appear. There stands a massive blond man with more shit on his shoulders than all the other uniformed men beside him. He towers over them all, both in rank and stature, and there’s someone there who he towers over more than any. Eren breathes a sigh of relief. There he is.

He takes long, rushed strides in his direction, trampling over a few of the unreasonably long hems of gowns pooling on the floor behind their respective ladies, all of who loudly protest his rudeness. Those things are so stupid. What’s the point of having such a fancy piece of clothing if you’re just going to let it drag on the floor?

That uncomfortable sensation crashes into him anew, this time feeling like fire surging through his veins, and his stomach does a nauseating little somersault while his forehead turns clammy with it. If he didn’t know better, he could swear he’d just shifted into a titan because this sensation is not at all dissimilar to when he’s soaring fifteen meters in the air: Queasy, angry, motivated, and on the verge of a tantrum, ready to roar and smash some skulls.

Erwin is on one side of Levi, and on the other is a woman. A woman who is standing way too close to Levi, and whose bodice is far too low cut, and who is giggling and fluttering her lashes at his man. Eren freezes in place, gritting his teeth, clenching his fists, and he damn near growls when the woman lays her hand on Levi’s arm.

Oh no you fucking don’t. He’s. Mine. You keep your filthy hands off my captain, you… you stupid… long-dress-wearing, spoiled… rich lady. Your big dumb breasts have no power over him. Just you try something! I fucking dare you! If he doesn’t wreck your shit, I sure as hell will! 

Eren stomps over to the group, rudely shoving himself between his captain and the vile woman with her tits half out who keeps leaning closer and closer to Levi like she wants to breastfeed him.

Levi glances up at Eren and, for a second, a hint of a smile twitches at the corner of Levi’s lips before he regains his signature aloofness. Eren is this close to putting his arm around Levi and flaunting his position as Levi’s number one for all to see, but he restrains himself. If there was ever a wrong time and place to reveal their relationship, it’s here and now. He settles for brushing his hand against Levi’s and pressing their shoulders together. 

“Ah, Eren, glad you could make it!”

As if I had any choice in the matter, Eren thinks to himself.

“I’m sure you’re all familiar with Eren Jaeger. Eren, I’d like you to meet the…”

Eren goes through the motions, pretending like he cares with every artificial pleased to meet you, every how do you do, trying not to cringe with every weak, clammy handshake. Once he’s appropriately introduced himself to everybody, he waits until the attention is off him and wipes his hands on his pants. Now that that’s over with, he can finally talk to Levi. Maybe pull him over to the fireplace and hold hands when no one’s looking, or, even better, sneak off to a dark corner and make out a little. Erwin’s smooth, charming baritone pulls him out of his daydreaming. Damn, he’s laying it on thick. Must be some big money involved.

“Now, Eren, why don’t you go get something to eat? We were just in the middle of discussing something, and I’d like a few minutes to finish up if you wouldn’t mind.”

Erwin’s eyes say fuck off before you say something that makes them change their mind about where their money’s going. Levi’s eyes say help me. The gloating look the woman throws him is what really gets Eren riled up. He bites back the urge to assert his dominance.  He seriously considers just picking Levi up and carrying him off.

“Yes, Commander, of course. I apologize for the interruption.”

---

Eren isn’t happy about having to leave Levi’s side, but he isn’t about to pass up his chance to stuff his face with tons of fancy, expensive food. He may even stuff his pockets with it, too. As Eren surveys the buffet tables, part of him is excited to eat all that meat and sugar, and another part of him is furious at knowing that this is how people on the interior eat while so many others are starving.

He stops stewing in silent rage once his stomach growls. After that, the sole thing on his mind is the food. And Levi. He’s shoving two different things in his mouth when he remembers he left him alone with that woman, and when he glances over to him, he’s startled to find Levi’s eyes on him. Levi gives him a look of disgust, and it takes Eren a second to figure out why. 

He sheepishly swallows his food, and Levi looks at him with even more disgust when he wipes his mouth on his sleeve. Eren makes sure Levi sees him grab a plate and napkin like a normal person and then uses the provided tongs to put the food on his plate. Satisfied, Levi’s expression changes to one of approval, and he turns back to the discussion with Erwin and the nobles.

---

He’s hit the point where he feels like if he takes one more bite of food, he’ll rupture his stomach and die with a chest cavity full of partially digested meat. Reminds him of something. Still doesn’t put him off his appetite.

There are still so many things he hasn’t eaten yet, shit, he doesn’t even know what some of the things are, and he’s determined to try them all. He just needs a little breather, and then it’s on to round two. He’s forgotten he’s in the presence of polite company until he belches, and everyone in earshot turns to glare at him in horror and disgust. As Levi would say, fuck ‘em.

A little walk should help get those digestive juices flowing. As he takes a lap around the ballroom, he spots some familiar faces near the fireplace and decides to join them, in need of a distraction from the discomfort in his stomach and the thing he keeps glancing at every two minutes. The sight of that woman flirting with his captain only exacerbates the discomfort in his guts.

“Hey, guys!”

Eren greets his comrades, and everybody seems glad to see him. That helps ease his tension. He might make it through this stupid fucking party after all.

“You made it! I thought you weren’t gonna show.” Armin says, scooting over to make room for Eren on the velvet-upholstered loveseat in front of the lovely crackling fire. The warmth emanating from the fireplace spreads the fragrance of the pine boughs and berries strung along the mantel, and the pleasant atmosphere it creates does wonders for his nerves.

“Yeah,” Eren sighs, “Hanji.”

Everyone nods solemnly in understanding. Ruined plans and Hanji go hand in hand, as they all have painfully learned in their time in the Survey Corps. Eren, bless him, naturally receives the brunt of it. The mere mention of titans puts Hanji in a state, and, well, with Eren being a titan and all… It’s a wonder Eren hasn’t eaten the menace already. 

“So much for a fucking day off, right?” 

“We were wondering where you went off to,” Armin says but drops his voice to a whisper when he leans in to add, slyly, “Cockblocked again, eh?”

“Armin!”

Eren chokes on his own spit and hopes that went unheard by everyone crowded around the fireplace and that they think the ruddiness in his cheeks is from the cold. Armin knew that he planned to spend the day on his back, but no one else needed to know that. 

Armin chuckles in response to Eren’s reaction. He’s the only one who knows about them, and he figured it out on his own. Did Eren really think he could slip that past him? The hickeys were a dead giveaway. After a bit of teasing, Eren gave in and spilled all the details. And, damn, those are some juicy fucking details. Literally.

Armin was spot on and knew he was, too, so no point in denying it. He just wanted to pick on him a little. Eren’s been bitching to him all week about how bad he needed to get laid, and, because he’s his best friend, he’s been patient. He’s been putting up with Eren’s whining and short temper and didn’t even laugh at Eren when he got a hard-on from watching Levi scrub floors. The look on Eren’s face just now was his reward. He earned it.

“So, how did you spend your day off?” Eren asks bitterly. Yeah, he’s a little jealous since they doubtless had a fantastic fucking time not being poked and prodded and interrogated by Hanji. At least he can live vicariously through them and imagine he’d spent his afternoon doing whatever undoubtedly fun activity everyone else did instead of getting fucked by Captain Levi.

“We built a snowman,” Armin says, taking pity on Eren, wary not to sound too happy about it.

“Snow titan,” Sasha corrects.

“Looked just like you,” Jean chimes in from behind the sofa, balancing one of those elongated glasses of bubbly stuff between his fingers.

“Yeah, and then you smashed it,” Connie adds, Sasha nodding in agreement.

“What the fuck, horse-face? You smashed me?!” Eren cries out with indignance. That bastard!

“It was highly satisfying,” Jean replies with a smirk before attempting to look like he has some class when he swigs a mouthful from his glass, which he then chokes on.

Everyone erupts in laughter, even red-faced Jean, after he’s done coughing. Yeah, this is nice.

Nice, but it doesn’t prevent Eren from glancing back over his shoulder to where he last saw Levi. He’s still there, and so is the woman. Why is she hanging all over him? It’s Commander Handsome who typically gets all the attention from the ladies. Short and irritable isn’t usually their type. 

Levi instantly turning his head in his direction doesn’t surprise Eren; Levi’s always had this spooky sixth sense for being stared at. A pained expression is discernible beneath his Captain Levi mask, but hey, he’s not helpless. There’s nothing stopping him from excusing himself from the conversation that he doesn’t even appear a part of. Erwin had him all day. What more could he possibly want with him? 

Eren looks away from Levi when he hears footsteps coming closer and then halting in front of him. Strange timing. She wasn’t here a second ago. Mikasa is still wearing her scarf even though she’s in dress uniform, and, as she always does when she’s uncomfortable, she has it pulled up over her mouth. There’s a weird look in her eyes for a time, but then it softens when Eren greets her. “Hey, Mikasa!”

She doesn’t greet him back, merely squints at him for a few seconds before advancing on him.

“Mikasa, there’s not enough room!” Eren protests, because for some reason, she’s intent on squeezing herself beside him on the loveseat instead of sitting in the unoccupied chair to his left. They could’ve just moved over to the larger sofa that’s meant to seat more than two people, but no.  

“Make some.” She replies flatly, and Eren tries. He really does. He ends up half sitting on Armin’s lap while Armin gets smashed against the armrest. Mikasa ends up half sitting on his lap.

This is… cozy. A little too cozy, honestly.

“Eren. Have you eaten?” Mikasa asks, craning forward, bringing her face uncomfortably close to his. Close enough for her hair to spill onto his shoulder. Guess she’s decided that’s not enough concern she’s showing, and now she needs to step up her game by reaching across his body and straightening his lapels before stroking his head to tidy his windblown hair.

Eren struggles to move closer to Armin, but he can’t without fully sitting on his lap, which, to him, is the better of the two options he has right now. Armin glances sidelong at Eren, acknowledging their shared discomfort with this… situation.

“Actually, I, uh, I’m pretty hungry now that you mention it. I’ll be right back!” Eren bolts up with some difficulty since he’s trapped under Mikasa’s thigh, so he nearly dumps her onto the floor in his effort to deny any more contact between his lap and her ass.

So what if he lied a little? Physically, no, he’s pretty much the exact opposite of hungry. Mentally, however, he’s still devising a strategy for fitting more food in his stomach, though that’s not his only focus right now. It’s about an 80/20 split between Levi and food. Okay, yeah, maybe he is physically hungry, but those hunger pangs are coming from somewhere lower than his stomach.

He exhales a deep sigh of relief once he’s no longer the meat in the middle of a human sandwich, and he heads straight for the table he was planning to save for last. He browses the assorted sweets and pastries that seem to have increased in quantity since he last saw them.

While he’s weighing his choices, trying to figure out which thing will take up the least space in his belly, he realizes it’s about time to check in on Levi; it’s been a minute since he last did.

Levi is where he was, standing ramrod straight while that woman is still practically humping his leg. Why hasn’t he roundhouse kicked her across the room yet? Erwin must have him by the balls. Is that what he needed to see Levi for earlier?

One pastry catches his eye. The shape of it gives him an interesting idea, and fuck it, who cares if anyone else sees him do what he intends to do with it so long as one specific man is watching. This is going to be good. He plucks it from the silver platter and grins at it with an air of pure, unadulterated evil.

---

Are they ever going to shut the fuck up? Why am I even here? Is this a test? I swear to fuck, if they don’t stop talking and let me leave, this broad’s perfume is going to make me gag, and I’m an expert at not gagging. 

Levi clenches his jaw. It’s torture seeing Eren all the way over there, laughing and chatting with his squad instead of being forced to kiss ass so these swine will fork over some cash. What makes this torture even more unbearable is what he sees the next time he peers across the room at Eren. Mikasa certainly looks cozy all cuddled up with his brat like that. She is way too close. Even from behind, Levi can tell she’s practically on top of him. Probably trying to cop a feel, too. Fucking disgusting. You’re his sister, you pervert.

Sighing, Levi casts another forlorn glance toward the fireplace, but now there are only two bodies occupying the loveseat where Eren was when he last checked. He tries not to make it obvious that he’s searching all around the room for Eren.

Ah, there he is. Stuffing his face again, I see. That kid eats like an entire stable of horses.

That kid is staring straight at him, too.

He doesn’t like that look in his eye, but Eren’s already got his hook in him, reeling him in like a fish, and he’s about to become dinner.

Eren stares into shocked grey eyes as he lifts the long pastry to his mouth. Instead of taking a small bite like someone with some fucking manners would, he wraps his lips around the end. He doesn’t bite it at all, not even a nibble. 

What he does is close his eyes with his lips stretched around it and drags it out of his mouth, tossing his head backward in ecstasy. While Levi can’t hear him at this distance, he knows Eren is groaning while he does it because that’s what he always does when he makes that face. His eyes remain closed as his sinful pink tongue snakes out to lick a smudge of chocolate from his lip, but as soon as he’s done, his eyes snap open, still honed on Levi’s. He gives Levi the most devious, mischievous, and fucking seductive look while his lips curl into a cocky smirk.

Levi knows he should look away, but it’s too late now. He’s hooked. What a sucker he is. Eren always gets him like this. He tunes out everything going on around him and transfers his weight from one foot to the other. He’s starting to get a little hot under the collar. Why’d I wear this fucking cravat? I’m sweating balls.

Levi should have fought his sexually frustrated fascination and looked away.

Now Eren bites the fucking pastry instead of fellating it. Glaring at Levi, he sinks his teeth into it, and when he pulls it away from his mouth, he lets a trail of thick cream ooze from the end, and it drips down his bottom lip. Levi’s eyes widen by a fraction as he continues to watch this highly inappropriate show Eren’s putting on in front of a whole ballroom full of important-ish people.

Eren doesn’t take his eyes off Levi’s when he raises two fingers to his mouth and drags them up through the trail of cream and saliva that he’s allowed to dribble down his chin. He gathers it all onto his fingertips, pauses, making sure Levi is watching, and then he sticks them both into his mouth, pulling them out slowly, hollowing his cheeks while he sucks the cream off of them. If it wasn’t awful enough already, his grand finale features him holding his fingers in front of his mouth and flicking his tongue over his fingertips before making one long, final drag of his tongue up the full length of them.

Oh, you mother fucker.

And then, as if nothing had happened, Eren grins innocently and flounces off to reunite with his friends.

---

Eren’s teasing doesn’t stop there.

The view of what’s beside him has Levi cursing his height, or lack thereof, but it has a silver lining for once. Being eye-level with the heaving bosom that keeps getting shoved in his face is more effective at killing his boner than a cold shower. Things were getting tense for a minute there. Fucking brat. Just you wait until we get back to headquarters. You won’t walk right for a week.

The minutes drag by until they’re hours that seem more like days. Every time he looks over at Eren, he’s greeted with something new, and he hates every single thing he sees. Making eyes at him from across the room, not so bad. Happens all the time. Getting back into that loveseat with Mikasa and adjusting her scarf? Not unusual, but it doesn’t usually bother him like this. Taking her plate and accidentally dropping a fork–which, for god only knows why, because Levi sure as hell doesn’t–he deems it necessary to bend all the way over to retrieve, looking completely ridiculous with how he sticks his ass out when he does it. He deliberately takes far longer than is necessary to complete the task. A task which absolutely should not involve wiggling his rear end. And oh, then, then that ballsy little shit actually looks over his shoulder and fucking winks at him while he rolls his hips to straighten himself. Levi wishes Eren would have bitten himself like the last time he tried to pick up stray silverware. That would’ve cleared the ballroom for sure. 

Eren takes a detour after depositing the empty plate on the cart in the far corner of the room. Instead of going back the way he came, he circles around to flank Levi’s group. He doesn’t look at Levi when he walks past, but he makes sure to drag his fingers across his ass. Levi straightens his posture, which apparently Erwin noticed because he raised one of his big fucking eyebrows and gave him a brief expression of curiosity before returning to the conversation at hand.

Eren’s not with his friends the next time Levi glances over. He’s about to check the buffet line again but is startled by an explosion of loud, girlish laughter. He really doesn’t care what the commotion is all about, he’s been hearing that sort of thing all night long, but something compels him to look this time.

That’s where Eren disappeared to. He was behind him the entire time, trapped in the center of a ring of young ladies, smiling, saying something that makes them blush and giggle and politely cover their mouths with gloved hands. Levi watches him turn to the one at his side, a diminutive girl with big blue eyes and long, tight ringlets of blonde hair cascading over her bare shoulders. Did they dare Armin to wear that dress again? The wig is a bit over the top, though he must say it suits him.

Except Armin doesn’t have giant knockers, and if he did, he wouldn’t be pressing them into Eren’s arm… which is looped around his. Hers. Whatever. Why is she touching him. She’s squeezing his arm, and he’s letting her. Stop leaning in like that. He’s not going to kiss you. And get your filthy udders off him. He’s not interested. Maria, how are they so big? What are they feeding these girls? Fuck, with boulders like that, they could’ve called her to fill that hole in Trost.

...Is Eren interested in them? Levi swallows hard, trying to force down the sudden wave of uncertainty. He was Eren’s first; he’d never been with anyone else before him, man or woman. Eren’s still so young; maybe he hasn’t had time to figure out if… Nope. Not going there. Eren himself has told him on many occasions that he’s the only one he’s ever been interested in, and the same goes for him. So where’s this bullshit insecurity suddenly coming from?

Levi knows Eren saw him staring, and he hates the jealous beast that keeps rearing its goddamn ugly head. He turns his eyes away in a huff, shocking himself even more with his illogical behavior. When he does this, he gets another faceful of the rotten melons that have been testing his patience all night, which promptly and firmly puts him in his place. Oh. I guess that’s fair.

A few more uncomfortable seconds tick by. He’s getting antsy. Starting to fidget. Grinding his teeth. 

Fuck this. The only hands allowed to be on that boy are mine. 

“Oi, Erwin.”

Erwin seems surprised to hear Levi’s voice. Now that he’s thinking about it, it’s the first time he’s heard Levi say anything all night. 

“Pardon me, one moment.” Erwin holds his palm up in front of him and turns his attention away from the man who’s been waving his big, tacky, gold ring in everyone’s face while he yaps about nothing of substance. “Yes, Levi?”

“Where do I have to go to take a piss around here?”

Everyone goes silent for a moment. In the span of about two seconds, Erwin’s expression flits from polite interest to shock to disapproval and then back to Commander Handsome. 

“Ah. Go out the main entrance, and it’ll be down the hall to your left.” Erwin’s charming demeanor doesn’t slip, but Levi knows there are curses sealed behind those smiling lips. It could’ve been worse. He has been extraordinarily well-behaved tonight, so Erwin lets that one pass. 

“Thanks.” Levi can’t wait to get out of here and as far away from these tedious sons of bitches as he can. He pushes past the woman attached to the giant mounds of jiggling sweater meat and never has the air in an overcrowded room smelled so sweet to him. 

He stares determinedly at Eren, saying nothing as he marches past him, but he jerks his head toward the door to make sure Eren will get the hint.

“Ladies, if you’ll excuse me–it was lovely meeting you…”

The music and the buzz of dozens of overlapping conversations drown out Eren’s words once Levi’s a few steps past him, but he doesn’t miss the whines of disappointment the girls all produce at the same time. Oh, you poor darlings, if only you knew. 

Levi disappears through the ballroom's massive double doors and turns down the hallway, advancing only far enough down it to be out of sight of the doorman. He leans against the wall and waits for Eren.

Chapter Text

For one brief, testosterone-fueled moment, Levi is tempted just to drag Eren into the lavatory and trade blowjobs in one of the stalls. He's desperate enough to put aside his distaste for the idea of getting sucked off over a toilet, but the possibility of being heard guzzling come by someone shitting in the next stall over is even less appealing than the location itself. His aching balls disagree. If they had their way, he’d be getting on all fours right here in the damn hallway.

But, in the end, they walk right past the lavatory and keep going, utterly silent save for the rough breathing of mutual anticipation. 

The noise of the party grows fainter and fainter, and once they reach the end of the hall, Levi grabs Eren by the lapels, spins him around the corner, and throws him against the wall. Eren gasps when he collides with it, and he can't even get a full breath in before Levi throws his whole weight into him, pinning him there. He shoves his thigh between Eren's and growls just before diving in to attack Eren's neck like a starving man in front of a feast, which is precisely what he is.

"Mmm, something wrong, Captain?" Tilting his head back to rest against the cold stone, Eren closes his eyes in bliss, soaking up all of Levi's attention, basking in his victory. Levi's rough, but Eren's gentle; Levi is sucking harshly and nipping at Eren's neck, grinding his thigh into Eren's crotch, whereas Eren is slowly rubbing his hands up Levi's back, sliding his fingers into Levi's hair, lovingly caressing and petting the back of his head. "Not having a good time at th–ah! mmm–the party?"

Levi wants to make some idiotic quip about where the party is and who is invited, but currently, he's too busy trying to suck Eren's soul out through his mouth to be a smartass. He squeezes Eren's right asscheek instead and then sucks hard at Eren's pulse for added effect, leaving behind a significant red mark that his collar definitely won't hide. Mine.

The hall is dark, but there's a warm yellow glow bleeding out of one of the rooms they passed on the way to the shadowy makeout spot where, at present, they're sloppily necking and dry-humping like a couple of horny teenagers who've snuck out after curfew. Upon consideration, that assessment isn't entirely inaccurate.

"No," Levi replies in a low, agitated growl, pausing to rip open Eren's top shirt button so he can suck a red splotch on Eren's collarbone before continuing, "but I think I'm about to." He grinds his crotch against Eren's to make his point, and though Eren's choosing to play dumb, the way Eren whimpers when he presses into the hard bulge trapped against Eren's thigh tells him that the real party's just getting started.

Levi glances sideways to the source of the light around the corner and grunts, savagely yanking Eren off the wall by his lapels. Faltering from the force of it, Eren squeaks in surprise and pitches forward, remaining hunched-over as Levi takes his hand and stomps down the hall in the direction of the lit-up room with his stumbling brat in tow. 

One of the room's large wooden doors is open, and that's what Levi slams him into next, instantly resuming his attack on Eren's neck and groin. He bites and sucks Eren's lip, and Eren trembles and moans, and it pushes him past the limit of his restraint. He shoves a hand down between their crushed-together bodies but doesn't cease furiously tongue-fucking Eren's mouth while he jerks his belt open in the limited space. It's lucky that Eren's erection is trapped against his thigh, or else it might've received a few of the wrong kind of blows. 

Eren's too lost in the kiss to notice what's going on, whimpering too loudly to hear how Levi damn near breaks the zipper when he tears open his fly, and he still doesn't notice the cock that slaps against his belt buckle until Levi wrenches Eren's hand out of his hair and shoves it down there.

Eren gasps, and his eyes snap open when his palm is suddenly pressed against the hard, hot flesh. Levi steps back to give them more space, and when Eren looks at him, Levi's eyes are not on his face. For whatever reason, Levi's scowling at his crotch instead, almost like he's angry at his dick, which has done absolutely nothing wrong.

"What are you waiting for? Whip it out already." Levi grows impatient in the two seconds Eren rudely keeps him waiting for his cock. He takes matters into his own hands, and his nimble fingers fly to Eren's disobediently zipped-up pants. 

Eren gets the hint, and Levi's desperation makes his erection strain against the smooth fabric of his dress slacks, so he decides to help Levi out because it's an awkward angle, and he can do it faster by himself. The instant it springs out, Levi grabs it, cutting his sigh of relief off into a surprised choke. Somehow he's still taking too long for Levi's taste. 

Levi's in such a hurry that before Eren can even get his hand on him, Levi's already wrapping his fingers around both of them, jerking them hard and fast at the same time.

"Fuck," Eren whispers, closing his eyes and tossing his head back exactly as he'd done when he'd made Levi watch him suck on something that wasn't his cock and which didn't taste half as good as the real deal (and which he put back on the tray half-eaten and covered in spit). He's helpless to do anything; it feels too good having his cock rubbing against Levi's, to have his rough, battle-scarred hand squeezing them tightly together, their foreskins already so wet from the copious pre-ejaculate oozing out of them that it makes an obscene sound as they slide up and down.

Levi's panting quietly, but that's not what Eren's doing. Eren's making cute clipped little moans that he tries to stifle by biting his lip. He's close already, and with how much Levi's picked up the pace, he's probably not the only one ready to desecrate their dress uniform. 

Or, rather, he was. 

"You know what," Levi growls, "fuck this." He stops his stroking and squeezes them tighter in his hand. They feel each other throb and swell at the same time, sending hot shivers through their bodies and pulling groans from their throats in tandem. Ripping his hand away from their joined cocks, Levi wraps that same slick hand around the back of Eren's neck and pulls him down far enough to bite at his jaw. 

Eren's confused as hell. There's not enough blood left in his brain to function, leaving only that primal animal part of it that wants to breed and is fucking pissed about not getting to inseminate Levi's fist.

Levi sure is growling a lot tonight, and Eren's never seen him pissed off about getting a handjob before. He stares at Levi with a mixture of irritation and confusion, his arms flapping about uselessly, looking like he's either trying to argue or to ask what the fuck is going on, why did you stop, give me back your dick, what the fuck is wrong with you?

He gets his answer with Levi's next growl, which is dark and deep and menacing when he hisses it lowly into his ear, "Get inside me. Now." Levi bites Eren's earlobe and pulls with his teeth until it pops out throbbing and wet and much redder than it already was.

Levi looks around the room for a good place to summon the beast with two backs. He's not opposed to getting fucked up against the wall, but if there's a more comfortable option, even better.

Fortunately for him, there is. There's a low table flanked by two red velvet sofas in front of the fireplace, which is still going strong despite being in an unoccupied room far away from the party. He takes note of this; someone must be regularly stoking the fire. Perhaps this room will be used for something later on. 

If the presence of the crystal brandy decanter and matching glasses on the sideboard are any indication, it'll probably be a bunch of fat cats having a nightcap over some cigars that both smell and look like shit while they discuss what must be done about all those troublesome, filthy refugees. He'd already overheard a similar conversation back in the ballroom. Erwin, I hope you're taking them for everything they have. Godspeed, Commander.

Either way, whatever it is that this room is going to be used for next is going to have to wait until he's had at least one orgasm. 

Regardless of who else's filthy ass has been sitting on it, the sofa is a hell of a lot softer and warmer than the cold stone he might've been getting hoisted up and screwed against. Eren's stronger than he looks, and he's aware he'd be walking away with his back raw and red from how hard Eren would be thrusting him up and down it. He knows this from a wealth of glorious experience, and it would've been entirely worth it. Whenever he's scraped up from being schtupped against any variety of rough surfaces, Eren always feels guilty and apologizes to him with a massage that even the most expensive lady of the evening in the best damn brothel in all of Mitras could never even dream of rivaling. 

He's so tense that a massage sounds amazing right about now, but nowhere near as amazing or as tension-relieving as getting stuffed by Eren, wall or couch alike. Fuck now, massage later. Unless...

"Do you want to have sex right now?" he asks, confident that he already knows the answer to that question, but he hadn't actually gotten confirmation from Eren, and that is absolutely necessary before this can go any further. He was correct in his assumption; if Eren had nodded any harder, his head might have fallen clean off. Briefly, he wonders if it would grow back like the rest of him does. But which end would it regrow from? Questions for later.

"Get on the couch," Levi orders, but it's not like Eren would've had a choice in the matter anyway, because Levi's already pushed him down onto it.

Eren doesn't mind the manhandling. He's so fucking ready to go that if he doesn't get his rocks off soon, he'll probably pass out from the prolonged lack of blood flow to his brain. Levi's looking around the room again, just as desperately as before, but now with his brow furrowed and his lips pressed into a flat line.

"Shit," Levi hisses, his attention back on Eren sitting on the sofa, staring at him confusedly with his cock out, so hard it's aiming straight up at the fucking chandelier like a compass (with a very large needle) pointing north. "I wasn't planning on fucking." 

"Could've fooled me."

"Idiot. You're not going in dry," Levi explains, sighing in frustration at his poor planning. Yeah, he was planning on fucking–in his bedroom where there's lube, not here, with Erwin and all those rich fucks down the hall. 

He could sneak out to the kitchen and lift some oil, but he's standing at full attention. His mast is hoisted. His pole is so stiff he could probably fly a flag from the damn thing. Hell, he's so fucking hard he could probably punch a hole in Wall Maria with his cock. The fuckers out there would definitely not appreciate the salute. Maybe that one floozy swinging her overflowing milk jugs in his face for the past few hours would, but if she thinks she's invited into this tent, she can dream the fuck on.

He's already made it this far and gotten the go-ahead from Eren, so there's no way he's going to turn back now. Spit will have to suffice.

"I can help with that," Eren lilts, a suspicious sparkle in his eyes. He plants his feet on the coffee table, straightening his legs to raise his ass off the sofa. He digs into his pocket, eventually producing a small tin of balm, which he displays to Levi pinched between his thumb and index finger, wiggling it in front of his face with a devious grin.

"And why do you have that?" Levi raises a questioning eyebrow at Eren, who shyly averts his eyes to the hand resting flat on the cushion, turning his devious grin into a coquettish little smile that's faker than Erwin's charm (and his toupée).

"My skin gets dry when it's cold out." Eren looks up at Levi through fluttering lashes, trying to look innocent and adorable, but then drops the bullshit little play-act with a smirk.

"You horny fucking brat, you actually planned on screwing here?" God damn, I love the balls on this kid, and not just the metaphorical ones.

"No, I honestly did bring this for my skin. I can't be kissing my captain with chapped lips." No matter how suspicious it sounds, it's the honest to gods truth. He can't put chapped lips or rough hands on his beloved captain. However, just because he didn’t explicitly plan on fucking at the party doesn’t mean that it didn’t cross his mind.

"Whatever," Serendipity or not, it's worked out in his favor. No spit this time. Everything's just coming up fucking roses. "Just get it on your dick."

While Levi drops trou, Eren unscrews the tin and nearly spills the melted balm on his pant leg. It seems the frigid weather is no match for his titan body heat. 

He's just about to start stroking his cock with a palmful of it, but as he looks back up, his hand stops, hovering above his flushed, swollen erection. He's both amused and aroused by what he sees Levi doing in front of him: Levi is bent over, hopping on one leg, manhood bouncing. He's flinging off a boot, which lands several feet away, and then he jerks his knee up and struggles to shimmy one leg free from his slacks. He only barely succeeds in remaining as upright as his cock.

When Levi finishes the hilariously arduous task that leaves him with one pant leg dragging behind him and one bunched up at his ankle with his belt buckle loudly scraping the floor, his attention returns to Eren, whom he discovers sitting completely still with his cock in his unlubricated hand, staring at him like he's just grown a second dick. 

"What? I can't ride you with my pants on."

Eren shakes his head, biting back the laughter welling up in his throat and threatening to burst out of his mouth. "I could've just bent you over the armrest."

Levi rolls his eyes and stalks towards him, his dark eyes smoldering with intent. "Uh-uh. You're going to look at me when you fuck me." 

Now that there's real lube, there's no reason for him to still be standing here with a rock-hard cock and an empty rectum. He snaps his fingers impatiently. "Penis. Slippery. Now. Hurry up." 

Eren knows Levi doesn't like it from behind. Levi got mad at him for calling him adorable when he told him the real reason why. He couldn't help it; it was adorable. You see, the reason Levi gave him for not wanting to do it face down, ass up was that he couldn't kiss him from that position. Awwww. 

Eren smiles softly, thinking about Levi's adorable confession as he carefully spreads the warm oil along his length. He's extra careful not to spill a single drop since he'd spilled nearly all of the melted balm into his palm when he opened the tin, so right now, this handful of asshole grease is more precious than gold.

Once sufficiently lubricated, Eren's reminiscing comes to a brutal halt, and his dreamy smile slides right off his face because, without any prior warning, he's inside Levi. Just like that. Walked up, swung a leg over, and bam! They're fucking. Sat right down on his cock like a champ. Already bouncing.

"Maria, fuck," Eren gasps, his heart racing, lightheaded and reeling from the shock of Levi immediately impaling himself on his, uh… sword. Once he’s determined that he’s not actually having a heart attack, the pleasure takes over. “Fuck, you feel good.”

Levi takes a few seconds to mentally gloat over the reaction he got out of Eren. He snorts when he notices Eren wiping his oily hand on the sofa. Nice.

Within seconds, Levi establishes a fast and steady rhythm, and it's so overwhelming for Eren that all he's able to do is gape dumbly at Levi, grab his hips, hang on tight and go along for the ride. 

Levi's on cloud nine right now. Taking Eren's cock on a nice, cushy sofa is definitely better than a bathroom blowjob. It's actually turned out to be a delightful place to fuck. The velvet upholstery is easy on the knees, and the springy cushion adds an extra oomph to every bounce on Eren's lap. The creaky springs are a little annoying but combined with Eren's moans, it's less so. The sound of being fucked against a wall is much more subtle. The way this sounds, though… unmistakably sex. Loud sex, too.

Levi takes a split-second look over his shoulder. I knew I forgot something. Fuck it, I'm not getting up. 

Eren is equally enthused by the impromptu romp in one of the most inappropriate places they've ever boned. It's more luxurious than either of their rooms at headquarters. The couch is not as comfortable as Levi's bed, but this isn't bad at all. It's warm and cozy by the fireplace just like it is in Levi's quarters, but the atmosphere here with all the elegant fabrics and stately, matching furniture is much more romantic. 

Romantic. That's what Eren was hoping for today. A nice, slow, romantic tumble in the sheets. Both of them taking their time, making it last, kissing, holding each other close, and not wearing their uniforms.

As much as he loves it fast and desperate, it’s getting him too close. With both of them so pent up from their weeks of painful celibacy, he already knew that neither of them were going to last long. That’s probably for the best right now, what with them fucking in such a risky location and all, but still… He’d like to have his cock inside Levi for more than two minutes. He’d rather it be all night, but he’ll take what he can get. At the very least, he hopes they can make it a solid three.

“Levi,” Eren says, and Levi should’ve heard him– he’s scraping the corner of his jaw with his teeth– but he doesn’t respond. He must’ve mistaken it as a moan of his name, because, really, it was, but… “Levi!”

Levi answers him this time with a grunt, though he doesn’t move his lips from their new location sucking and licking the tender skin under Eren’s chin. He latches on and sucks harder, and Eren’s voice vibrates under his lips.

“Let’s–ah!” Eren breathes, gasping and trembling from the harsh suck that cuts off his plea before he can finish it. “Let’s–can we-” a moan interrupts this time, but Levi finally realizes that Eren is trying to ask him something.

“Hm?” He hums, nuzzling his cheek against Eren’s, turning curious eyes upward.

“Slow down, I want–I want to…”

A harder thrust makes Eren bury his face in the crook of Levi’s neck and groan his muffled request into the rough material of his uniform, still unable to finish asking due to something interrupting him.

From across the room.

“Ah. A moment, please.”

Levi’s shoulders tense, and his bouncing stops. He lazily glances behind him. 

“Can I help you?” Levi drawls, looking back at Eren once he’s acknowledged the intruder.

“Levi, what in god’s name is going on here?” Erwin demands, keeping his angry voice as low as he can, pulling the door shut behind him in an unhurried manner that belies his inner panic.

"What does it look like, eyebrows? We're fucking,” Levi replies, strangely placid. He resumes raising and lowering himself onto Eren’s cock, albeit at a slightly slower pace.

With sheer terror in his wide eyes, Eren’s nails scrabble at Levi’s shoulders, and he squirms wildly beneath him. Levi responds by placing a hand on Eren’s chest, feeling his racing heartbeat through layers of shirt and jacket. 

“Look, Erwin, I'm a little busy right now. Do you need me for something urgent, or can it wait? Because this is a pretty bad time.” Levi ducks in to kiss Eren’s beet-red neck.

The coupling couple is communicating without words. Eren responds to Levi’s bizarre look of stay where you are with eyes darting to the door and back as if to say, don’t you realize who just walked in on us?!

Riding the sudden wave of nausea, Erwin takes in the horrible scene in front of him. So this is why Levi was taking so long to return to the ballroom. He thought nothing of Eren disappearing shortly after, chalking up the uneasy feeling in his gut to his suspicion that Levi was going to try to leave the party instead of visiting the lavatory.

Erwin realizes just how wrong his intuition was when his brain finally registers the one important detail he missed.

“...Eren?”

Eren stiffens so hard he jolts from his head to his feet. Shit. 

“Um, hi, Commander,” Eren squeaks, sheepishly leaning a tad to the left so that Levi’s shoulder isn’t blocking his view of Erwin glaring daggers at them anymore. Commander Erwin saw you fucking Levi, and the first thing you do is say hi? Hi??? Goddammit, penis, stop hogging all the blood! Send a little back upwards before I say something even more stupid.

Levi sits flush onto Eren’s lap and leans back, turning his head just enough to make casual eye contact with his boss. Leaning back was a mistake because it made Eren’s cock push against that. It’s already hard enough as it is to keep a straight face without the added urge to scream Eren’s name.

By nature, Erwin is mysterious and unreadable, but Levi can make out the delicious, barely-restrained fury that’s beautifully garnished with a touch of discomfort. Levi chuckles internally. This is gonna be good. 

“Unbelievable.”

“Ugh, tell me about it,” Levi groans, “he’s fucking fantastic,” Levi emphasizes this fact with a long, taunting roll of his hips. He lowers himself back down onto Eren, agonizingly slow and gradual, deliberately ensuring that Erwin has a clear view of him being penetrated by his subordinate. He does this both as a challenge and as a bit of revenge for ruining his day off with his perpetual cockblocking. 

Unfortunately for Levi, flaunting his asshole stretching around Eren’s glistening cock just now reminded him of the time he rode Eren facing the mirror. Fuck, that was hot. We’ll have to do that again sometime. He grits his teeth against the new shiver of arousal that shoots through him at the mental image that makes it even more of a challenge to maintain his composure. 

Levi checks for a reaction. He’s disappointed. Damn. What do I have to do to make this fucker blush? What do I have to do to make him leave?

“I can’t believe you’d do something like this. At the very least, I’d have expected you to exercise some discretion with your… affair.” Erwin swallows, struggling to hide his embarrassment with anger. 

“You’re the one who came in without knocking.”

“The door was open, Levi! Do you know who almost witnessed this… this... conduct? ” Erwin’s hiss is venomous now. Good, very good.  

“I’m guessing some slimy shitbag with a lot of money.” If Levi sounds unconcerned, it’s because he is.

The caterpillars on Erwin’s forehead look like they’re about to mate. Erwin’s not saying anything. There might be steam coming out of his ears. Time to poke the bear a little more.

"Now, Erwin, why don't you go get something to eat? We're kind of in the middle of something, and I'd like a few minutes to finish up. If you wouldn't mind."

Erwin stares in disbelief at Levi’s audacious and vulgar behavior. Not only had he lacked the common decency to cover up, but now he’s mocking him?

“We need to have a serious discussion–"

“Yeah, yeah,” Levi doesn’t look back while he waves Erwin off. “If that’s all, I'd like to get back to riding this magnificent cock.” Another roll of the hips. “He was about to come before you barged in here.”

Eren covers his face with both hands, absolutely mortified.

Levi senses that Erwin is nowhere near finished bitching him out. He can feel the fury radiating from him. It’s fun trying to get him all worked up and flustered, but he really would like to get back to fucking now. This has gone on long enough that he’s decided he’s not opposed to just getting on with getting off with Erwin still in the room.

"If you want to stay and watch, that’s fine, but no touching, and keep it in your pants. I don’t need to see that shit.”

Erwin sputters.

“We will be talking about this. You are to report to my office immediately once–"

Erwin’s warning trails off when Levi rolls his hips again and doesn’t stop doing it this time.

Erwin turns on his heel in a huff and reaches for the door handle with a shaking hand.

“Hey, do me a favor and close it behind you. Thanks.”

Erwin squares his shoulders, and it takes every ounce of his restraint not to slam the door on the way out.

---

The slimy shitbag, rather, the multiple slimy shitbags, are still waiting in the hall right where Erwin left them. He sighs as subtly as he can, steeling his nerves and trying to remember what his face is supposed to look like.

“Is something the matter, Commander? We heard noises,” one of the shitbags questions.

“My apologies. It seems the room isn’t ready yet, but they’re just about finished with it.” 

“I see,” says a different shitbag with a hint of suspicion in his voice.

“Until then, shall we have another drink?”

The impatient nobles perk up at the mention of alcohol, and they depart in high spirits, none of them the wiser.

---

Once Eren recovers from his second heart attack of the evening, his eyes meet Levi’s mirthful, smirking face.

“I can’t believe you!” he exclaims, not seeming too upset about the commander walking in on him balls-deep in his captain. If anything, he’s a little smug about showing Erwin who’s who. It’s knowing that the commander saw his junk that he’s not too happy about, even if most of it was hidden in Levi’s ass. “Oh my god, I can’t.”

"What? I'm not gonna let that fucker blue-ball me. He had it coming." 

“Aren’t you worried?”

“Nah.” 

“But-"

“Fuck ‘em.”

Eren giggles, his chest swelling with warmth and adoration for his brave, sexy captain, whose dripping cock is leaving an obvious wet spot on the front of his uniform.

“Besides, I think you liked it.” Levi teases his blushing brat. He loves watching him squirm.

“I did not!” Eren loudly objects, but he’s no match for Levi’s razor-sharp powers of perception.

“Oh? Well, this,” Levi clenches around Eren’s still fully erect cock, forcing a squeak out of Eren. “Tells me otherwise. You’re still harder than a goddamn wooden leg.”

“Fuck you,” Eren whines, no real anger behind his words. He knows he’s been had. “It was just the adrenaline!”

“In case you haven’t noticed, that is exactly what you are doing.” Levi allows himself one smart-ass quip since he’s held back most of the good ones. 

“If that’s the case, then…” Eren retaliates with a hard squeeze to Levi’s also fully erect cock. “Looks like I’m not the only one who liked it.”

Eren gives him a dirty look, which Levi kisses right off his face. Cupping Eren’s cheeks in his hands, he continues kissing him, sighing in relief at the resumption of the satisfying drag of Eren’s cock inside him. He closes his eyes to enjoy the sensation but opens them again and breaks the kiss when he remembers that Eren was trying to ask him something before Commander Cockblock interrupted their coitus.

“What was it that you were trying to ask me before?” Levi strokes Eren’s cheek with his knuckles, gazing into his eyes while waiting for an answer.

Eren hums and leans into the touch, his eyes drifting shut and his lips curving into a small, pleased smile. He answers Levi with his eyes still closed, feeling a bit shy about wanting something so sappy instead of a hurried fuck in what is essentially an extremely glorified broom closet like last time.

“Oh, it was nothing,” he lies, but Levi doesn’t relent.

“Come on,” Levi implores between kisses, “tell me.”

“I was just thinking…” Eren tries to play it off, but he knows he can’t hide anything from Levi, and when has Levi not given him anything he wants? His heart flutters. “Could we maybe… do it slower?” 

“Of course. Anything you want.” Levi has a feeling he knows what Eren’s going to ask for. But if Eren’s going to be too shy to ask for it, he’ll give it to him, pretending like it was his idea.  He nuzzles Eren’s nose with his own, stilling his hips. “Is that all?” Levi quirks an eyebrow at Eren, who looks away for a second and chews his lip.

"And, um... can we change positions? Maybe you could... lay on your back?” 

There it is. Eren’s in one of his needy, romantic moods tonight. A lovemaking mood, not a fucking mood. Understandable, since that’s what he had in mind as well, but... once this started happening, Levi decided he was going to save that for later. It’d work out to their advantage since it’ll be easier to take it slow if they’ve already gotten off once, but if that’s what Eren wants right now, that’s what Eren gets. 

Before he removes himself from Eren’s lap, Levi kisses him sweetly, caressing his cheek and gazing lovingly into his eyes. When Levi stands up, a sudden, unpleasantly sharp clack of metal on stone makes him flinch. He frowns at the belt buckle responsible for the offense to his ears, debating whether or not he should take off his other boot and fully strip his bottom half. 

The decision is made for him by the sight of Eren kneeling upright on the sofa, pants around his ankles, making those fucking puppy-dog eyes at him while waiting for him to lay down. 

Levi sighs while Eren slowly rocks into him, remembering how good it feels to have Eren’s strong body pressed against his, even if they aren’t skin-to-skin. This is a different type of pleasure than before. Instead of a lit fuse racing toward a powder keg, it’s the kind of pleasure that builds slowly. A gradual heat, a tension that winds and coils little by little, a pressure that rises to its absolute limit before it snaps and strikes like a bolt of lightning and leaves your entire body convulsing like rolling thunder. 

Eren’s a good fuck, no doubt about that. That comes from his raging titan-killer side. But the way he makes love? That’s his truest form at play- that singular focus, the determination, the dedication, the emotion. Levi knows he’s a lucky man to be able to receive both in equal measure.

It’s pure bliss to be with Levi like this, to have his arms and legs wound around him, to hear him moaning and sighing his name, to feel his hips rolling in time with his thrusts. Levi looks beautiful with his eyes squeezed shut, how he licks and bites his lips as he focuses on the pleasure, how his fingers clench, and his back arches whenever he gets the angle just right and hits that spot inside him.

It’s too good. Levi’s hot, slick insides are gripping him too tightly; his moans are too loud, his kisses are too deep, his tongue too sensual sliding against his own. Eren closes his eyes and drops his head into the crook of Levi’s neck, panting, determined to last as long as he can, to prolong the moment, even if it’s only for one more minute. No matter how badly he wants to come, he'd rather it last forever. He knows it’s not going to because Levi’s stopped kissing him, and his moans are getting shorter and higher with every thrust. He can feel his thighs tensing and trembling around his waist.

“Levi,” Eren groans, slowing his pace in a last-ditch effort to hold himself off long enough for Levi to come first. 

"Are you close?" Levi asks in a rush of breath into Eren’s shoulder.

"Yeah.” Eren’s panting and his eyes are still closed with the effort of fighting back the urge. Not yet. Not yet. Levi first. 

"Pull out."

Eren’s eyes immediately snap open, and his thrusting stops. He pushes himself up on his hands and gives Levi another round of begging puppy-dog eyes, pouting ever-so-slightly for added effect.

This fucking kid, it’s never enough for him, is it? Look at him, exploiting all my weaknesses, trying to seduce me in front of everyone like that. And fuck, did he ever succeed. He’s the one who played dirty. I behaved. I waited until we were somewhere private. I’m not the one who made him pop a boner in front of his boss. Erwin’s not the only one who deserves a little payback tonight.

"Don't look so disappointed, brat.”

“But–” Eren starts to argue, but Levi isn’t about to let him get a word in before he’s had his fill of revenge.

“As much as I would fucking love to have you blow your load into my guts, I don't particularly feel like riding back sitting in a puddle of your semen."

"That's fair,” Eren says, putting the puppy-dog pout back on the mental shelf until he needs to break it out again. He keeps it within easy reach in case he has to use it later on. Hopefully, he won’t have to beg for Levi’s bone like he just unsuccessfully tried to do for his come.

"Bouncing in the saddle like that always knocks it right out of me,” Levi says this very matter-of-factly, not only because it is a matter of fact, but because he’s good at this and knows his casual dirty talk gets more of a rise out of Eren than it does out of Erwin (disappointingly).

"I said I'd pull out." Eren stiffens and looks away from Levi’s face.

"But I know how much you love watching your spunk leak out of my asshole, so…" Cool as a cucumber, and it’s working.

"Okay, I got it." Eren’s starting to mumble now, and his cheeks are regaining their embarrassed flush. 

"If there's anything left in them by the time we get back, you can empty your balls into me then," Levi continues, pausing before he unleashes his final jab at Eren’s delicate sensibilities. He’s already starting to grin at how easily worked up Eren gets when he does this. 

"Levi! I get the fucking point! Maria!” 

There it is. There’s that blush I wanted to see—time to put him out of his misery.  

"And after that, I'll let you spread me open so you can watch it all come out." Levi stares unwaveringly into Eren’s eyes as he delivers his line, and he waits one more second before concluding it with a wink. It never ceases to amuse him how Eren can lick his fucking asshole without batting an eye, but talking about it is what turns him into a blushing schoolgirl. "But, you're washing the sheets."

Eren groans dramatically, rolling his head and his eyes at the same time.

Levi chuckles and ruffles Eren’s hair. “I love you,” he says playfully, and Eren smiles, but there’s something… off about it. Shit, he’s up to something. 

Levi doesn’t have to wait long to find out what it is because the next thing he knows is that he can’t see anything past the stars in his eyes and can’t hear anything besides his voice echoing off the walls. Eren just thrust into him so hard that the entire sofa moved across the floor. 

“I love you, too,” Eren says, returning the sentiment just as playfully. His mischievous grin softens into one of genuine happiness, and he kisses Levi’s forehead in apology before he returns to what he was doing. Namely Levi.

Eren’s thrusts are quick and shallow as they both approach their peak. He opens his eyes when Levi’s arms leave his shoulders, and he doesn’t break his rhythm as he watches Levi loosen the knot at his throat and unwind his cravat. Levi frees the length of fabric from his neck and folds it over in his hand, making eye contact with Eren once he’s done.

Is he…?

“Ready?” Levi asks, unaware of how amazed Eren is that he’s about to jizz into his cravat.

Eren swallows, nods, and pulls out as promised. Joined in Levi’s hand, they climax within seconds of each other, every exaggerated, pent-up spurt of hot, thick fluid captured safely in Levi’s cravat. 

Levi tosses the improvised jizz-rag onto the nearby coffee table, wiping his hand on the couch before opening his arms, inviting Eren to collapse onto him in a panting, sweaty heap. He can’t remember the last time he had an orgasm like that, and from the looks of it, Eren must be in the same boat. That was like a fucking year’s worth of come, Levi muses, observing the saturated wad of silk that’s slowly oozing its contents onto the table.

“Oi. Don’t fall asleep on me.” Levi nudges Eren, who has gone suspiciously still on top of him. Eren’s groan indicates that he may really have been asleep. 

“Leeeeviiiii,” he whines before dropping his head back down onto Levi’s shoulder to mumble something about why he should be allowed to sleep, though it’s hard to make out exactly what he’s trying to say with his face smashed into Levi’s jacket.

“Come on,” Levi gently urges with a playful shove and a nip of Eren’s earlobe. “We’ve already overstayed our welcome.” 

Eren rolls off Levi, perhaps forgetting that they’re not in a bed because he rolls off the couch entirely and lands on the floor with a dull thud and a groan.

“Owwwww! Levi! It’s not funny, stop laughing!” Eren sits up and rubs the back of his head with Levi still laughing at him. He pushes himself off the floor, pulls up his pants, then joins Levi in laughter. “Haven’t I suffered enough? First, the commander sees–”

Ah, forgot about that.

“Well, guess the cock’s out of the bag now,” Levi sighs as he pulls up his pants, remembering that he’s going to have to talk to Erwin later and pretending like he doesn’t see his cravat bunched up on the table, starting to crust over at the edges.

Eren pauses with his fingers on the button of his trousers to look at Levi. “Cat.”

“Hm?” Levi doesn’t look over, preoccupied with his belt.

“It’s cat. The cat’s out of the bag. That’s how the saying goes.” Having corrected Levi’s grievous mangling of an important colloquialism, he can now button his pants.

“Yeah, but,” Levi says while pulling on his boot, “you don’t have one of those.” Levi puts his foot down and turns to look at Eren, who has stopped mid-zip to stare at him in confusion.

“No…? What does that–“

Levi lifts an eyebrow at Eren, smirking at him for the seventy-millionth time today. He’s chewing on it. The gears are turning. Any second now. 

Eren drops his hands into fists at his sides. “Levi!!”

Levi chuckles. He couldn’t resist. It’s worth the scowl, especially since pink cheeks and red ears accompany it.

Eren finishes tidying himself in indignant silence. They give each other a once-over, checking for stray fluids and closed zippers. As they begin to make their way to the exit, Eren notices the cravat on the table and walks back to retrieve it. He winces when he picks it up and almost drops it back onto the table, but it’s Levi’s; he can’t leave it behind!

“You forgot this!” Eren says, dangling the damp and rapidly stiffening swath of silk in front of him.

Levi’s nose wrinkles in disgust. “Ugh. Just leave it.”

“It’s just come. It’ll wash out. Here.” Eren offers, extending his arm with the cravat dangerously close to Levi’s face.

“Yeah, but…” Levi plucks the soiled fabric from Eren’s hand, pinching it between two fingers to look it over. “It’s fucking soaked.” He turns it around, assessing the damage, and his nose crinkles again. “And it reeks.” He squints at it. “I think most of this is yours.”

“How can you tell?” Eren asks, snatching the wet cravat from Levi to examine it.

“Because you come like a fucking fountain.” Levi wanted to see Eren blush, so naturally, he’s irritated that Eren has his back to him. “What are you doing?”

“I’m drying it off.” Eren crouches down by the fireplace and unfurls the bunched fabric. He then proceeds to flap it in front of the fire, and it takes only a few seconds for both of them to realize his mistake. Eren cringes and coughs.

“Hope the nobles like the scent of hot semen because that’s not gonna go away anytime soon.” Levi waves his hand in front of his face, but it’s no use. He wouldn’t be surprised if they could smell it down the hall. 

Eren knows he should be embarrassed by this, but he isn’t. Really, he should be. Who wouldn’t be? But somewhere deep down, the darkest, most possessive part of him is cackling with delight. And then, from somewhere even deeper and darker than that, way down in the basest and most primal part of himself, something evil whispers in his ear. Show them who he belongs to. 

“Wear it.”

Levi’s head whips in Eren’s direction, and he gapes at him, blinking. “Excuse me?”

“Wear it,” Eren repeats, licking his lips and shoving the mostly dry cravat at Levi, staring him down in a way that’s so disturbing it makes the hairs on the back of Levi’s neck stand up. 

Levi can’t account for the flutter of interest in his pants. The fuck?

“Are you ser–” Levi stops mid-sentence, raising his hand to flick the cravat with his fingers. Unsurprisingly, it makes a sound upon impact. “I can’t wear this.”

“Fine, then,” Eren pulls the stiff fabric away from Levi and folds it into a neat square. “Put it in your pocket.” Eren steps forward, arranging the corners so that it sits in Levi’s breast pocket with the point poking up out of it.

Levi looks down at his chest and frowns at his new erotic pocket square. Sighing in defeat, he turns his eyes back to Eren and promptly rolls them so hard that he’s certain they made a complete 360º rotation in his eye sockets. “Gross.”

Eren grins widely, and when they depart their borrowed love-nest, Levi has to elbow Eren in the ribs to stop him from skipping down the hallway.

Chapter Text

The satisfied couple departs the sitting-slash-fucking room but pauses when a strange sound echoes from the intersecting corridor. A hush settles over them, their ears straining to locate where it’s coming from and who is making it. They take a few tentative steps in the sound's direction, and the nearer they get, the more apparent it grows. It’s speech, but it’s too close to be chatter from the ballroom. 

Their first conjecture is that it’s Erwin waiting for them out of sight and earshot of the nobles and partygoers, but the sound is too high-pitched to belong to the Commander. They couldn’t picture him talking to himself in a dark corridor, anyhow, so that theory’s out. 

To know that they’re not stepping into an ambush by their very, very angry superior is a relief, but when they’re a few feet closer to the origin of the voice, their concern vanishes entirely. What they’re hearing is someone giggling, and when they hear a second voice shushing the first, they suspect that it’s another couple who had the same idea they did.

Now confident that there’s no big, blond beast lurking in the shadows ready to pounce, they resume the disappointing trek back to the vestibule outside the ballroom. Even though they probably don’t want to see what’s waiting for them around the bend, their curiosity still gets the better of them. When they arrive at the dark intersection, they take a peek around the corner, and what they see there is far better than anything they were expecting. They knew that voice sounded familiar.

Alerted to their presence by footsteps echoing down the empty hall, the parties in question turn their eyes to Eren and Levi. Eren and Levi stare back, the identities of the two figures clear despite the low light. Eren freezes in place and stares with his mouth open, horrified, which is exactly what the taller of the two figures in the hallway is doing.

Levi does not share in their embarrassment, nor does the bespectacled scientist who is, at present, pinning the mortified 4th Squad Vice-Captain against the wall.

Hanji winks at Levi, Moblit buries his face in his hands, and Eren stands there, squinting at his superiors making out in a dark corridor. A deep chuckle rumbles from Levi’s smirking mouth before he raises his hand and gestures with his thumb back to where they just came from.

“All yours,” says Levi, who doesn’t bother hiding the amusement in his voice. He winks back at Hanji and yanks his stone statue of a boyfriend by the elbow. “Come on, let’s go.”

As Eren stumbles dumbly down the hall, tugged along by Levi like an obstinate puppy on a leash, the two of them hear the exchange between the two officers clear as a bell.

“Squad Leaderrrrr!” Moblit moans, and not from pleasure. Hanji’s reply to their executive officer’s mortification is an outpouring of laughter.

Levi had an inkling that Hanji and Moblit were a couple, and though he loves it when he’s right, that’s not how he wanted to find out. He’d also been wondering why he hadn’t seen Hanji at the party, and shit did he ever get his answer.

---

Levi has something on his mind, Eren can tell. But when he asks Levi about it, all he gets is a dismissive, “nothing.”

He’s not about to give Eren any ideas by telling him what he was thinking about, which it absolutely would. If he did, Eren would insist on dragging him back down the hall to rectify the situation, and he has no desire to walk in on the couple that just confirmed his suspicions, and neither does Eren, for that matter. 

No, he’s definitely not going to tell Eren that he regrets not letting him come inside him, nor that the reason for his regret is the perverse pleasure he took in the idea of parading around the ballroom in front of all those stuck-up shitbags and disturbingly amorous women while he’s full of Eren’s come.

Next time.

Eren stops dead in his tracks once they’re outside the ballroom door, both hesitant and disappointed. “We’re going back to the party?”

“What? I’m not leaving until I get something to eat. I haven’t eaten all day, and I’m fucking starving.” And I have to see a guy about a thing.

“But… what about Erwin?” Eren’s eyes are wide with concern. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to show his face in public again after what (or who) the Commander saw him doing. Not that he isn’t disgustingly proud of asserting his position as Levi’s partner, but Erwin saw his penis, so, yeah. 

“What about him?” Levi asks, turning to look Eren in the eyes. He raises an eyebrow, wondering what the fuck Eren’s so worried about. He already assured him he wouldn’t let anything come between them. Well, anything besides either of their dicks, but that’s using the literal sense of the word.

“I have a feeling he’s not going to be happy to see us.” Eren averts his eyes and chews his lip, scared despite Levi’s insistence of their safety.

“Like I give a fuck,” he says to Eren, lowering his brow in favor of rolling his eyes. “He’s not going to do anything. Not in public, at least, and especially not here.”

“Oh.” His teeth are practically chattering at the realization that soon they won’t be in public. “What’s going to happen to us when we get back?”

“Nothing,” Levi says with confidence, hoping that it’ll get Eren to quit worrying.

“How can you be so sure about that? He was pissed.”

“So? He can’t do anything. I mean, he can try, but it’ll be a cold day in hell before I let anyone tell me who I can or can’t love. Besides, anyone who fucking dares to even think about coming between us will meet a very unpleasant end.” Levi’s voice turns deadly cold at those last words, and that’s what calms Eren. He’s aware that that’s no empty threat from Levi.

Sadistic as it may be, Eren adores the thought of Levi fucking obliterating anyone or anything that gets in their way. Instead of being disturbed about Levi’s past, Eren’s actually comforted by it. Whenever Levi threatens someone on his behalf, which has happened more than once, Eren feels loved and safe and special. Who cares if it’s weird, I’m already weirder than anyone else, what with the giant monster thing and all.

“Now come on. Go see your friends.”

---

“Captain!”  The cadets all cheered in unison when they became aware of his presence, and some of them looked far too eager to get their hands behind their backs to salute.

“Brats,” Levi says, tipping his head in a greeting to the group, suspicious about how nervous they seem. “What, are you all constipated or something?”

“We’re just surprised to see you. Aren’t you supposed to be with Erwin?” Armin, the only one who doesn’t seem the slightest bit nervous, covers for the group.

Twisting his head to where he last saw Erwin, Levi discovers him looking in his direction. When their eyes meet, Erwin grimaces and promptly turns away. The scouts appear even more unsettled when Levi returns to face them, and they see the smirk on his lips and hear the brief hum of amusement in his throat.

“If I had to listen to those idiotic, over-inflated fartbags for one more minute, someone would be leaving here in a coffin.” Levi hears some scouts gulp, and Jean Kirstein suddenly looks like he’s on the verge of shitting himself. Not constipated, then. But Levi didn’t intend to scare them; what he aimed to do was lighten the mood. It’s a goddamn party. You should be celebrating or some shit. You’re not the ones who had to schmooze with the windy shitbags (and their wallets). “And it would probably be me from being bored to death,” he adds in a final attempt to add some humor to the situation.

“So, Captain, have you finally gotten a chance to enjoy yourself?” With a gleam in his eye, Armin addresses the Captain but looks at Eren. Look might not be the right word for it; it’s more like stare so accusingly that Eren gets uncomfortable and starts rubbing his neck. How does he always know?

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Levi says, smirking again because he picked up on Armin’s mischief and knows he’s about to get Eren all flustered, which is something he always enjoys seeing. Levi hurries things along by locking eyes with Eren, which achieves the desired effect of making Eren blush and look away. Seeing Armin suggestively raise his eyebrows at Eren and seeing Eren’s lips press into a flat line before elbowing his best friend in the ribs is more of a treat than he imagined.

It’s then that Armin turns to Eren. This is going to be good. 

“Eren? Are you feeling okay? You’re looking a little… sweaty.” 

“Fine. I’m fine. It’s hot over here. What, nobody else is hot?” Fuck you, Armin.  

“Hm. Do you need a glass of water? You look like you have a fever. Here, let me check.” Armin, right before he leans in to “take Eren’s temperature,” turns to Levi and smiles the most devilish smile Levi has ever seen. Levi pretends not to notice, but Armin knows he’s just received Levi’s approval to do whatever he’s about to do to embarrass Eren.

“You didn’t,” Armin whispers incredulously, using his raised arm to shield his voice from the others. He’s mean, but he’s not that mean. Besides, he knows Eren’s going to brag about it the first chance he gets. Eren’s silence answers the question that Armin didn’t need to ask in the first place. “Nice.”

“Not that nice,” Eren whispers back, even lower than Armin, who is already mouse-quiet when he isn’t whispering. Armin questions him with his eyes, and Eren rushes to fix his mistake. “I mean, not Levi. He was more than nice, if you know what I mean.”

“Yes, dumbass, I know what you mean.” You tell me all the time, but it’s sweet how you’re always defending him like that. “Tell me later.” The back of his hand has been on Eren’s forehead way longer than required to check his temperature, and if he doesn’t remove it now, people are going to start thinking they’re flirting.

Like the impulsive little shit he is, Eren spits it out anyway. He moves in close to peer over Armin’s shoulder, pretending to pull a stray hair off the back of his jacket so he can safely whisper directly into his ear.

“Erwin walked in on us.” 

Armin gasps so loudly that everybody looks over. Shit. Think fast.

“Oh my god, there’s a huge spider over there!!” That should do it.

Sasha screeches, and Jean hopes that was distracting enough to cover up how he immediately leaped away from where he was standing when he heard the word "spider." He would’ve rather heard someone yell, "titan!"

Now that no one’s looking, Eren snatches a long-stemmed glass from an adjacent end table and drains the entire thing before anyone has a chance to see him do it. 

“Oops, nevermind! It was just some of Jean’s pubes.” 

Sasha screams again. Christa becomes a walking, talking, titan-slaying tomato. Everyone else laughs. 

“Ewww!”

“Augh, gross, man!”

“So Mikasa finally agreed to check you for cra–OOF!!! Owww, what the fuck?!”

“Keep it in your pants, Kirstein,” Ymir jeers, and that’s all the abuse Jean’s willing to suffer.

“Assholes! All of you are assholes!” Jean shouts. 

When Eren and Armin rejoin the group, the evil little blond waggles his big fucking eyebrows at Levi, and this time Eren saw him do it. Eren looks like he’s about to scream, so Levi nods at Armin, that’s enough, and they both put on straight faces. Well, as straight as they can be.

“Seriously, why are you all still looking at me like that?” Levi fears Eren might die of the embarrassment he’s still recovering from, so he has mercy and directs attention away from him. His presence distracted all the other scouts well enough that they didn’t observe the exchanges between the three of them; otherwise, he wouldn’t have dared.

“Oh, because of this?” Despite Levi’s attempt to get them all to fucking relax, the way Levi examines Jean while casually strolling towards him and snatching the glass of wine he was hiding behind his back terrifies them even more. He assumed he was doing it in a calm, non-threatening manner, but… apparently, he wasn’t. Whatever. Levi brings the glass to his lips and tosses the wine back in a single swallow.  

“You can’t honestly believe I give a fuck about a bunch of teenagers getting wasted.” Now the chicken-shit soldiers finally relax, and Levi resists laughing at them when they all exhale at the same time. He should probably feel bad about it, they go through so much shit, but it’s just too much fun to fuck with them. Last one, I promise. “But if any of you shitheads puke on my floors, you are cleaning it up with your tongues.”

“Yes, sir!” Everyone but Eren and Armin stiffens their posture so fast it’s like someone smacked them on the ass all at the same time. Yeah, that was worth it. I’m done now.

“Then that’s settled. Someone bring me another drink.” Levi keeps his amusement to himself when they all scramble for the ballroom. He’ll probably end up with at least six dipshits handing him glasses of wine, which would provide another convenient opportunity to fuck with them even more. Imagine the looks on their faces when they witness their tiny Captain down an entire bottle of wine and not get drunk.

Now that everyone is gone, with the exception of Ymir and Christa, who likewise seem to be enjoying the (relative) privacy, Levi finally gets to get cozy with him in the loveseat by the fireplace. Eren has his head aimed in the other couple’s direction, and Levi sees the distance in his eyes before Eren realizes he’s staring and quickly looks away.

Eren looks at Levi instead. When he realizes that Levi’s going to sit next to him, Eren’s sheepish, guilty expression explodes into a grin that outshines the fire, and it makes Levi’s heart thump painfully hard. Eren gasps when Levi does just that and leaves no space between them. Eren glances anxiously at Levi, confused yet elated and more than a little proud when he sees that Levi doesn’t seem the slightest bit concerned. 

Levi feels a strange sense of solidarity with Ymir and Christa, so he doesn’t mind them hanging behind after the others left. Besides, they’re so busy they probably don’t even know he’s there. Perhaps they’re getting a little too busy, Levi notes when some uncomfortably recognizable noises drift over from where they’re sitting. He knows exactly what they’re doing, but he looks at them anyway because evidently, they don’t. 

Either that or they don’t care, and neither does Levi, but since this is a formal event and they’re in uniform, they’re representing the Survey Corps. Most of the citizens already accuse the Corps of wasting their tax dollars, which is exactly why Commander Handsome is getting the nobles sloshed. Gods forbid everyone find out what their taxes are really being used for, which is, apparently, paying lesbians to make out. Actually, that might not be a bad thing; there’s a lot of sick fucks who'd be willing to pay–

Captain Levi clears his throat to draw their attention as subtly as he can. Turns out they really hadn’t noticed, as evidenced on Christa’s face. Ymir seems unaffected, but nevertheless, she takes Christa by the hand and leads her to the dance floor, but not before shooting an audacious wink at the Captain.

This is nice, Levi thinks as he enjoys Eren’s warmth against his side. Somehow the crackling fireplace looks even more beautiful like this, but nowhere near as beautiful as the way Eren looks at him. The little timid smile on his face, the love and joy shining in his big green eyes. Eren looks so delighted, and it makes Levi feel like doing stupid things.

After a while, Levi notices that Eren isn’t always looking at him–he keeps glancing over at the ballroom and sighing, and his smile fades and his sparkle dulls a little more each time. Levi wishes he knew what Eren sees out there that’s getting him so down. Is Erwin glaring at him? Is Mikasa glaring at him? Okay, Mikasa is glaring at him, but she’s doing it from a considerably shorter distance. 

As a matter of fact, she’s doing it from the chair right next to him, so that’s not it. But really, when did she get here?

Sorry, sweetheart, but Eren-town ain’t big enough for the both of us. There’s only one Ackerman he wants to fuck, and the cock in my ass twenty minutes ago is a pretty reliable indication of which one of us that is. Also, you’re his sister. Gross. 

Levi wonders if Mikasa heard his thoughts when he hears what sounds like a rabid animal growling and scratching at the furniture.

Eren doesn’t pay any attention to her, and Levi thinks he’s entitled to a little smugness about that, so he does one of those stupid things that Eren makes him want to do. Levi glances back to the ballroom to make sure all the wrong people are looking in the right direction. Once he determines that they’re in the clear, he lingers for another second to decipher what it is Eren’s so fixated on, which he can’t. Levi returns his attention to Eren, and fuck it, he doesn’t care.

Feigning a yawn, Levi stretches his arms above his head, and when he lowers them, one arm accidentally lands on the back of the loveseat. The side that Eren’s sitting on. Eren stiffens and looks at him with eyes the size of saucers, and Levi just smiles back at him. Eren’s still nervous about it, but hey, if Levi says it’s okay, well, he’s the Captain, after all. Eren attributes the heat on his face to the roaring fire in the hearth, but he knows it’s bullshit, and so does Levi. He’s fucking glowing.  

Satisfied that Eren doesn’t object to having his arm around him and bolstered by Eren consenting to his public display of affection, Levi decides it’s time to teach one of his soldiers some respect. It might end in a duel, but he has a knife in his boot, and he’s a quick draw. Unfortunately, so is his opponent. 

However, only one of them is Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, so he figures the odds will be in his favor if it comes to that. Probably won’t, definitely shouldn’t, but Eren’s turned him into a fucking romantic, and the ladies in those novels seem to be totally into men fighting for their affection. Or something like that. Whatever. 

Levi only makes eye contact with Mikasa for a second, but that was adequate to get the point across because she scowled at him and nearly knocked over the chair when she stormed away with the tails of Eren’s red scarf twirling around her.

The next time Eren looks at the ballroom, Levi follows his line of sight. What Eren’s been staring at so wistfully is a couple. It’s the same couple as before, except now they’re not sucking face; they’re dancing. There’s so much yearning in Eren’s eyes while he watches them twirl and dip among the crowd that Levi’s chest aches when he sees it.

It’s puzzling to Levi. It’s kinda like the way Eren looked at him before they got together, and that’s why Levi’s worry resurfaces. Maybe he is too young to know what he wants, maybe he’s interested in women after all, and everyone is in love with Christa, men and women alike. Maybe Eren isn’t immune to the charms of the Angel of the Survey Corps.

But Eren sighs, and there’s sadness and longing in that, too. It’s written all over his face when Eren looks at him again, but then Eren smiles and tilts his head to the side, interrupting the motion while he questions himself. He makes the decision to just go ahead and do what he wanted to. He rests his head on Levi’s shoulder. Eren’s leg must be itchy, Levi thinks when he sees Eren scratching. Eren isn’t itchy, though. He’s mustering up the courage to reach for Levi’s hand.

Eren looks up at him for approval, and it’s Levi’s eyes that are wide now. He just figured it out. Levi spends a minute cursing himself for his insecurity when the proof is right there staring him in the face. He spends the next minute making a choice.

Levi abruptly gets up and stands in front of Eren, looking down at his frightened face. Shit, that’s not why I–

Instead of rushing to apologize, Levi extends his palm, which Eren stares at in confusion. He glances back at Levi, sees the sparkle in his eyes and the tender smile on his lips, and his heart stops when he understands what Levi is offering him. A breathy oh escapes him, and he knows he wants to take Levi’s hand, but he’s still just gaping at it like an idiot.

“May I have this dance?” 

When Levi asks him to dance, he sounds as aristocratic as someone who never ran an underground black market smuggling ring and doesn’t make shit jokes on the regular, and that’s intentional but not fake. It’s never fake for Eren. Neither are the tears welling up in Eren’s eyes. Shit, he doesn’t want to dance with me. He doesn’t want to be seen with me. Hold on, shut the fuck up. That’s exactly what he wants. I can smell the proof in my pocket. Ugh. 

Since Eren can’t get his mouth working, he resorts to just nodding at Levi, and why is Levi laughing at me? Is this a trick? Levi shoves his hand in his face, and oh, yeah, I’m supposed to do that. 

With that, it’s sealed. 

Levi takes his hand and leads him to the ballroom floor.

Fuck ‘em.

Chapter Text

They’re only a few steps past the couch when Levi lets go of his hand.

Eren’s heart sinks into his stomach, fearing that Levi changed his mind about dancing with him in front of everyone. He should’ve known this was too good to be true–they’ve hidden their relationship for years, so why would that change now? And here, of all places!

Eren’s so busy stewing in disappointment that he forgets how serious Levi looked a moment ago and how unconcerned Levi was about the commander finding out about them in the worst possible way he could.

Eren snaps out of it when Levi takes him by the shoulders and forces him to turn around and face him. Levi doesn’t look angry; his eyes are soft with concern and staring intently up into those of his taller lover’s.

“Eren,” Levi says, his voice low and sober. Eren’s searching his eyes for an answer, an explanation, and Levi can’t stand the downhearted expression on his face, yet he never breaks eye contact. He wants to reach out and stroke his cheek, but he can’t. Not yet. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

The question leaves Eren more confused than before. Do what? Dance? Is that what he means? Of course I want to dance. Why would he think otherwise?

“I’d love to dance with you, Levi.” Worried green eyes flit across Levi’s stone-cold grey ones, but he finds that only their color is stony and cold right now.

“And I would love to as well, but that isn’t what I’m asking.” The temptation to caress Eren’s face grows more potent, but they’re not shielded from view anymore. He can’t touch him so affectionately in front of all these people, not until he’s sure. “What I mean is, are you ready for this? There are a lot of people here, Eren. Some of them in very high places. They’re going to gossip. We’ll be the talk of the town, and many won’t approve. And not just because of our ranks.”

“Do… you not want to be seen with me?” Eren is struggling to figure out what Levi means by that. The prospect of Levi not wanting to be seen dancing with him is a dagger to the heart. Dejected, Eren averts his eyes, only to be greeted with the sight of Levi’s hand planted firmly on his shoulder. Levi’s grip on his chin startles him into meeting his eyes again.

“No, Eren. Look at me. There is nothing I want more than to be seen with you, and not as my subordinate.” Eren’s eyes widen slightly–maybe he does understand. He needs to be sure, though. “Before I take you out there, I need to know if you’re ready to face the consequences. I’ll protect you no matter what, but there’s no turning back once this happens.”

A light goes on behind Eren’s eyes, his jaw drops, and his eyebrows travel the opposite direction.

“Oh,” he whispers, now understanding Levi’s sudden hesitation. He hadn’t thought about it that way. If it were solely about him, he’d say yes right away. But this doesn’t involve only him, it involves Levi, and Levi isn’t a fellow soldier. He’s the Captain of the Survey Corps. Eren wants to scream from the top of Wall Sina that he’s Levi’s, but what would the repercussions be for someone in such a high position? Would he be demoted or discharged if the world knew he was in a relationship with the titan? Would Eren be removed from his custody? 

“Are you?” Eren asks, inclining his head to bring his now-serious eyes closer to Levi’s level.

Levi answers immediately.

“Yes.” And he means it. He’s thought about this for a long time. He waited until the end of their first year together to consider it more seriously. He would’ve done it right away, but he didn’t want to risk complicating Eren’s life if their feelings changed. They’ve made it past their second. He’s ready. Ready for this and ready to act on the crazy, stupid idea he got while tuning out Erwin and the aristocrats earlier this evening.

Eren gulps. Levi wouldn’t lie about this. And unlike himself, Levi doesn’t act on impulse. Above all, Levi keeps his promises. So, if Levi’s sure, then he is, too.

“I’m ready, Levi.” The captain waits for a few seconds, silent but with his eyes still sharp on Eren’s, offering him one last chance to back out. But Eren is serious. He can see it in his eyes. They’re not hesitant. They’re confident. That fiery determination that he loves so much is burning brightly in them.

Now that Levi is allowed to do what he so badly wanted to, he does it. His hand raises to cup Eren’s cheek. Eren grins so wide that his face looks like it might split in half. Reminds him of Eren’s titan, but this Eren has the correct number of teeth. Also, lips. And a penis.

“Then let’s go.” Levi was about to take Eren’s hand but pulled back at the last second. He just thought of something that’ll make this even sweeter. “Actually, hang on a minute. There’s something I want to do before we make the big reveal. Think you can wait a little longer for that dance?”

There’s an evil gleam in Levi’s eye, and he loves it. Whatever it is that Levi has in mind, he’s sure it’ll be well worth the wait.

“Definitely.”

The smile that creeps onto Levi’s lips is so much eviller than before, and it thrills Eren to the core.

“Excellent.” 

With an appropriate amount of distance between them, they press on toward the bustling crowd. Eren can hardly contain his excitement.

Levi is discreetly scanning the room for something, but Eren doesn’t know what. It probably isn’t Erwin since he saw him take his leave shortly after their return. Perhaps he’s looking for Mikasa, who is conspicuously absent. Maybe Levi wants to avoid a fight because a fight seems like the likeliest outcome of her seeing them dance. Eren’s not worried; he may not be able to take her in a fight, but Levi can.

Eren notices that Hanji and Moblit aren’t back yet, either. It’s interesting how Mikasa, Hanji, Moblit, Mike, Commander Erwin, and the handful of nobles who almost got a show they would never forget are all missing. Eren suspects they’re all about to have the most memorable night of their lives.

Well, maybe not Mike. Seemed like he was feeling a little sick considering how queasy and flushed he appeared when the two of them walked back into the ballroom. Looking back on it, Mike was sure in a hurry to leave. Must’ve eaten something that didn’t agree with him.

Levi locks onto his target, and Eren’s about to find out what evil scheme Levi’s been cooking up.

“Eren,” Levi whispers, stepping closer to him to allow his voice to be heard, and he gives Eren a quick nudge to get his attention. “Follow behind me, but keep close. I need you to act like you’re looking for someone, and when I give the signal, bump into me. Make it look like an accident.” Levi bites back the grin that would seem incredibly suspicious if anyone spotted it.

“What’s the signal?” Eren hisses back, though not as quietly as Levi. He can’t help it; his average volume is somewhere between shouting and roaring. 

“I’ll put my hand in my pocket. Do it then.” Levi turns to Eren for a moment, meeting his eyes for only as long as he takes to ask if he’s ready.

Commence Operation: Spankerchief.

---

Eren hears several people welcome Levi when he introduces himself to the new group of scumbags. His jaw clenches when Levi gets right up next to that woman, who had apparently not been invited to sip brandy with Erwin on the sofa they just fucked on. So maybe Eren's not particularly fond of watching people trying to get into Levi’s pants–doesn’t mean he’s worried. He has faith in Levi. He just hates people thinking Levi's available and easy, that's all. Anyone would get a little jealous watching their lover tolerate someone being so blatant about it. Levi gets just as possessive, and he loves it. Maybe if he put a ring on Levi's finger, people would take the hint without having to know whose ring it is.

Eren is shading his eyes with his hand like the high-noon sun is blinding him, turning his head this way and that as if trying to locate someone in the crowd, per Levi’s instructions. He keeps Levi in his line of sight, mindful not to miss the signal.

There.

Eren tilts his chin up, pretending that he’s not paying attention to where he’s going because he’s struggling to see above the crowd. Two steps later, and he’s bumping into Levi’s backside. He didn’t even hit him that hard, but with the way Levi lurched forward, you’d think Eren kicked him in the back.

To make it appear unintentional, Eren begins to apologize, perhaps a bit too dramatically, but, hey, he’s a titan, not an actor. He tries not to be offended when Levi shoos him away instead of turning around, but what he sees next makes him forget all about that. He sees Levi apologizing profusely to a pair of disturbingly large breasts, which he then notices are shinier than they were a few moments ago. The woman is holding an empty wine glass up over her head and glaring down at her ruined dress.

What happens next plays out in slow-motion.

Eren’s frozen in place, watching Levi reach for his breast pocket. He can overhear him continuing to apologize to the woman, “I’m truly sorry, miss. It’s entirely my fault. My deepest apologies. Here, allow me–”

Eren’s eyes grow huge, and he watches on in horror at how Levi’s delicate fingers drift toward the white silk peeking out of it. Levi pulls it out with a flourish, unfurling the stained cravat with an elegant flick of the wrist. He can practically smell it from here.

When Levi’s hand hovers over the noblewoman’s chest, Eren’s mouth opens wide, ready to release some sort of screaming noise–maybe it’ll be words, something like stop, or holy shit, or perhaps just an incoherent jumble of nonsense, but he won’t know until it happens. Levi hasn’t acknowledged Eren yet. He’s still extending his arm, sperm-infused cravat in hand, when three new hands dart out bearing their own handkerchiefs, all crashing into each other in a race to polish those squishy cannonballs. There’s already another glass of wine in her hand, and men still stumbling over themselves to volunteer to dry her off. Levi allows them the honor. He tucks the indecent souvenir commemorating this special occasion back into his pocket.

Eren sighs in relief, but his body is still thrumming with the adrenaline of the moment. Eren isn’t sure which relieved him more: Levi not groping her boobs or Levi not reconstituting their dried jizz and smearing it all over them. Both belong to Eren, not her, or anyone else for that matter.

Levi reaches out once more, and Eren re-freezes because it looks like he’s reaching for the woman again, but he rapidly defrosts when he sees that Levi was reaching past her to shake the hand of the nobleman who won the race to fondle the madam’s massive mommy-bags through his flimsy handkerchief. Levi’s handshake lingers, and the man keeps glancing back at the wolf pack’s feeding frenzy, absently thanking Levi for something or other; he’s probably not sure himself.

“Thank you again for your generosity, sir.” At this, Levi bids them farewell, slips his hand back into his pocket, and turns his back to them to stroll directly toward Eren with a shit-eating grin that Eren suspects Levi must’ve stolen from him. Poseur.

“Holy shit. I can’t believe you just did that,” Eren gasps, feeling immensely proud and cocky that Levi put their inappropriate memento of the evening to good use by waving it around right in those slimy shitbag’s (and one shitbagette’s) faces. Kinda makes him feel like asking Levi to give him a slimy face of his own. He spares a final glance at the chaos still occurring behind Levi and then turns to his unbelievably ballsy lover with a smile.

Levi could hear the pride in Eren’s voice. He chuckles and smirks wryly at him before becoming serious again.

At the sight of his beautiful, handsome, deviant little captain offering him his hand, the entire world falls away, leaving nothing but Levi and his gentle smile and outstretched palm. He’s deaf to the appalled whispers among the groups of people who stopped to observe the spectacle that Eren and Levi created together.

“Now, then. Eren Jaeger,” Levi says after clearing his throat. He’s smiling with his hand still outstretched, waiting for his soldier to take it so he can declare him his equal in front of god and everyone. Eren’s heart stops when he hears how his name sounds as it leaves Levi’s lips. It restarts when he hears what Levi says afterward. “May I have this dance?”

Eren Jaeger fucking beams, nods his head wildly, and then finally takes Levi’s hand.

Levi’s smile deepens when he steps closer. Eren’s heart, which had only started beating again a second ago, stops again when Levi lifts his hand to his lips and kisses it. Most of the crowd is still being entertained by the drama playing out between the booze-soaked floozy and the pitiful noblemen, so the kiss goes mostly unnoticed. Only a gasp or two rose around them, and then a few more when Levi led Eren by the hand to the heart of the ballroom floor.

That all changes when Levi pulls Eren close to his body, arm around his waist, and their clasped hands displayed proudly above their shoulders. At once, the amused chatter and salacious whispers cease, and the ballroom falls silent as death.

The band plays on.

The captain and the titan sway to the stirring rhythm of the strings.

Neither of them gives a shit that every eye is on them. They choose instead to gaze deeply into each other’s, wearing smiles so vast that even their glimmering eyes are smiling, too. They also don’t give a shit that only Levi knows how to dance. It doesn’t matter that Eren sucks at it, Levi is there to lead him, and he always will be, no matter what.

An uncouth, feminine whoop breaks the silence, and the couple turns their heads in its direction. They knew that voice sounded familiar. Their curiosity is further piqued when they notice that a portion of Eren’s squad is hovering nearby, gawking like a gaggle of idiots at their captain dancing with their comrade. Without breaking their embrace, Eren and Levi stop dancing to observe.

The cheer came from Ymir, and they looked over just in time to witness her and Christa giving each other triumphant high-fives. Ymir sees that they’re looking at her now, so she shoots the couple a comical, drawn-out wink, gives them a thumbs up, and then promptly turns to elbow Jean Kirstein in the ribs, hard. Jean growls when Ymir shoves her open palm at him.

Ymir, looking smug as always, impatiently wiggles her fingers while Jean grumbles and shoves his hand into his pocket to dig around for something which he subsequently slaps onto Ymir’s waiting palm. Jean crosses his arms in a huff and turns his back to her, continuing to grumble to himself as he stalks off to get another drink. A satisfied Ymir stuffs the folded bills down the front of her shirt. Ymir and Christa smile at each other, then at their male counterparts–those being the mirror-image couple composed of one small gay and one tall one–and then the women dance, and Eren and Levi follow their lead.

The captain and his lover sway and shuffle around the dance floor, wholly consumed with each other, not a care in the world. Not Erwin, not the nobles, not the survey corps, nothing, just the two of them moving together in perfect, clumsy harmony.

Eren’s glowing with joy and pride, so very much so that he’s starting to get choked up by the intensity. He runs his fingers through Levi’s silky hair and exhales, the overwhelming emotions forcing him to shut his watery eyes and just lean on Levi.

Levi pulls him closer, their bodies flush, warm muscles and skin and breaths melding into one. Eren wishes this moment could last forever, but it doesn’t.

Someone in the crowd shrieks, and then the sound of shattering glass rings throughout the spacious room. They should’ve known it wouldn’t take long to dry off with several people helping her.

The look of sheer horror on that woman’s face as her second glass of wine slips from her hand is one of the most glorious things they have ever beheld. 

Wishing to rub a little more salt in the wound, Levi makes eye contact with the furious, glaring woman, and in the next instant, his fingers are in Eren’s hair. He’s pulling him down for a kiss, which continues despite the chorus of scandalized gasps and the vulgar wolf-whistle directed at them by Armin.

Their brazen public kiss treats them to another glorious sight to behold: The woman turns redder in the face than Eren and then storms off so dramatically that she steps on her own train and stumbles. She doesn’t actually fall, though– half a dozen men swoop in to catch her, probably hoping to accidentally get a faceful of her golden assets in return.

Some more shrieking erupts from the cluster of young ladies Eren was speaking with earlier, who have been swooning not at all subtly over him all night. Eren glances away from the boob lady stomping toward the door, a line of tuxedoed men trailing behind like ducklings, turning his attention to the girls he'd chatted with earlier. He’d looked over at the precise moment that Armin’s doppelgänger threw her arm over her forehead and crumpled to the floor. Did she really just fucking faint?!

Eren’s jaw drops, and he continues to watch the chaotic beehive of shrieking girls.

A few are scrambling hysterically to help Armina up. One of them is staring at Eren with so much shock that one would think she just witnessed Levi blowing him in the middle of the ballroom and not just giving him an innocent, affectionate kiss while they danced like he actually did. Plenty of couples have been doing that all night and witnessing the only other same-sex pair doing the same didn’t elicit the same response.

So this must be what Levi warned him about. Eren didn’t expect such an extreme reaction, but he’s not scared; he’s honestly pretty smug about it.

Neither of them truly wished anyone actual harm for flirting with Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. That’s understandable, normal even. People flirt at parties, especially with handsome, powerful men. They did, however, want to return the favor. It’s the polite thing to do.

Eren wanted that woman to apologize for the trespass of trying to seduce his man. If he couldn’t get an apology, revenge would suffice. And Levi? He wanted two things. Firstly, he desired payback for being so indecently flirted with, if what she was doing could be considered flirting in the first place. And, secondly, to correct the grave mistake of assuming that he could be so easily had, or at least so easily had by anyone but the man he just kissed in front of everyone, and who had him quite easily on the sofa about an hour ago.

Both men’s wishes were fulfilled, including the most important, unspoken one. It was now clear to all: They belong to each other, and nothing and no one will ever change that.

So maybe they ruffled some feathers with how they chose to make that known. Fuck ’em.

The song’s not over yet. This dance is theirs, and they’ve waited far too long for it.

Eren whispers into Levi’s ear, and at first, his words are innocent declarations of love and happiness, but the heat and movement of Levi’s body against his relieved those words of their innocence, just like they did with his own. Both of theirs, actually.

“Eren,” Levi says, his warning a sultry breath on Eren’s neck that causes the boy to shiver violently. “I think it’s time to leave.”

---

“Right this way, gentlemen,” Erwin says with all the charm and class he can muster, extending his arm like a gracious host, even though this isn’t his house. The night is almost over. If he can just make it through this, he’ll be free of these sleazebags until the Corps runs out of money again. He’s almost looking forward to chewing Levi out after this. He isn’t looking forward to making eye contact with him while he does. He can’t get the image of Levi’s–

Erwin stops where he is and blinks several times to make sure he's really seeing what he thinks he is.

He is.

“Hanji?” He quietly inquires as he stands, blocking the doorway with his massive body to shield the group outside from witnessing yet another indiscretion between two of his subordinates in this room. On the other sofa. Perhaps he’ll just stand.

“Oh, Commander! What an unexpected surpr–ow! Knock it off, Moblit! Can’t you see the Commander is here?” Hanji waves instead of saluting. Their hair is mussed, glasses askew, and Erwin doesn’t want to know why their mouth looks like that.

“C-commander!” Moblit stammers out, and a faint zipping noise can be heard just before his head pops up from behind the back of the sofa to offer his boss a salute he can’t see.

Erwin knew about this relationship, so this isn’t as horrifying a surprise as the last one he got here. This couple appears to be clothed. He shudders upon realizing that he’s only seen them from the shoulders up.

He knows he can’t send the “slimy shitbags” away again. He has to think fast.

“Hanji. Moblit. Make yourselves decent. You have company to entertain.” The stern look Erwin gives them stops Hanji’s whining before they can even start.

“Two of my most trusted officers will be joining us tonight! Please have a seat, make yourselves comfortable. Brandy, gentlemen?”

Erwin’s charm is irresistible, and that, combined with the promise of more alcohol, ensures the nobles never notice the sweaty, tawny-haired man standing in the time-out corner, discreetly rearranging himself beside a mad scientist with a terminal case of the giggles.

His Commander Handsome mask only cracks for a second when he sees the gentleman about to sit down on the sofa where he’d just noticed the greasy stains smeared all over the red velvet upholstery. He hasn’t seen the table yet.

---

“Wait, Levi, my coat! I gotta get my coat!” Eren strains against Levi’s pull on his arm when he realizes Levi’s dragging him out the door without letting the attendant retrieve his absolutely necessary winter coat.

“We’ll come back for it. Let’s go.” Levi pulls harder. Eren digs his heels in, but Levi’s so strong that it does nothing to stop him.

“It’s fucking freezing out there! And you don’t have yours, either! Are you nuts?!” Eren continues to protest loudly, and Levi doesn’t seem the least bit concerned about them freezing to death before they get to have their long-awaited romantic tumble in the sheets.

“As a matter of fact, I am, but that’s irrelevant. We’ll be plenty warm. Trust me.” Now Levi stops to give Eren a look that even in the pitch blackness comes across clear as day. Eren’s warmer already. If Levi says he’ll be warm, then he will be. His captain never lies to him.

Eren follows without complaint, still unsure how Levi plans to keep them warm outside at night in the dead of winter, but he trusts him, so there’s no reason to worry. Levi must have a reason for leading them in the opposite direction of where the horses are hitched.

Levi is leading them to the carriage instead.

“Oi,” Levi calls to get the attention of the coachman leaning against the wall beneath a hanging lantern.

The coachman looks up at the sound, and as soon as he realizes who it is that’s talking to him, he tosses his cigarette into the snow and stands up straight. “Sir?”

“Take us back to headquarters.” Levi’s already opening the carriage door for Eren, ushering him in ahead of him like a gentleman.

“Shall I pick the others up out front, or will they be joining you here?” The coachman asks as he hurries up onto the platform to take the reins.

“They will not be joining us at present. They still have some matters to attend to inside, but it’s getting late, and I need to put this brat to bed.” Levi stops with his foot on the last step leading up into the cabin, and Eren can hear the edge in Levi’s voice that he hopes the driver picks up on before things get ugly.

“Ah, yes, sir. Right away, Captain Levi, sir.” Though he sounds uncertain, the coachman knows better than to disobey Levi, and not only because he’s the captain of the Survey Corps. He’d be scary as hell even if he wasn’t.

Levi follows Eren into the cabin without another word.

---

When Mikasa returns to the party with her full gear on and her formal jacket missing, Levi and Eren are already gone.

Unfortunately for her, now that the audience has nothing to distract them, the pretty young Survey Corps scout with her snazzy maneuver gear and shiny swords is now the center of attention. There she stands, grinding her teeth and fuming with poorly concealed anger, trapped in the center of a ring of noblemen and women oohing and aahing over her.

He’s. Dead.

---

Levi is struggling to light the lantern inside the coach. The simple task is difficult to complete with Eren crawling all over him and tugging at his clothes.

“Brat, can’t you wait?” Levi turns to him and asks, more amused than annoyed about dropping his third match. It’ll take more than a sloppy mouth trying to suck a hickey onto his fucking jaw to annoy him. If the next match this horny little shit makes him drop ends up setting the carriage on fire, then he might be a bit annoyed.

“I can,” Eren answers between the slobbery kiss-like things he’s doing with his mouth, breathing humid air over the wet patches all up and down Levi’s neck. “But I don’t wanna.”

“I see,” replies Levi, pun mostly unintentional as he finally ignites the wick and latches the lantern’s glass door. He seems excruciatingly indifferent to Eren’s desperation, ignoring him while he extinguishes the match with a shake and discards it on the floor of the carriage with the others. “I suppose we will need something to keep us entertained. It’s a long ride, and I wouldn’t want you to be bored.”

Now he acknowledges Eren, who is kneeling half-over him on the bench, and he’s glad he went through the effort of providing them with some light because Eren looks breathtakingly beautiful in it. His green eyes, while dark with desire, shine in the warm, diffused firelight. His cheeks look rosy and youthful, and his smile is more love-struck than lusty.

With a snap of leather and a barked command, the carriage lurches into motion, and the frigid winter air seeps in around the seams as the massive draft horse picks up speed.

Levi doesn’t keep his boy waiting.

Levi draws Eren in for a kiss, though not a wanton one like Eren’s kisses were. The way Levi kisses him is languid and loving, but it warms their bodies exactly the same. Eren sighs and melts into it, draping his arms loosely over his captain’s muscular shoulders and sighing into his mouth.

Levi takes Eren’s face in his chilled hands and pulls away from his lips to admire him. “What do you want?” He whispers, lowering his eyes and nuzzling Eren’s nose. Eren’s nose is as warm as expected, and it feels good against his own cold, red one.

“Wanna fuck,” Eren answers with what started as a whisper but quickly became a moan. Levi shivers, and it’s not because it’s fucking freezing in the carriage.

Levi intended to establish an unhurried, romantic atmosphere with his low tone and gentle, affectionate touches, but, as always, Eren still has a one-track mind. He’d half expected that to be the case. Still, there are logistics involved in doing something more than just unzipping and whipping out their meat for some discreet oral or manual endeavors in the backseat of a moving carriage. A moving carriage being driven through a silent winter night by a man with nothing to do besides trying not to fall asleep at the reins.

Well, carriage rides are bumpy to begin with, so if they’re quiet (fat chance with this fucking screamer going at him), the enthusiastic humping might go unnoticed. If not, at least no one but a hired hand will get to see them fornicating in a place where they absolutely should not be doing so.

He’s still somewhat lubricated from the first time, but Eren’s pretty big, so… every little bit helps.

“Any left?” Levi asks, which is all the answer Eren needs to know that Levi consents to his proposition.

Eren stood up in a hurry when Levi gave him the go-ahead. He looks back and forth between Levi’s amused expression and his fingers working the stubborn buttons on his dress jacket. “Levi, it’s been like a month. I could fill a bu–”

Levi’s exasperated groan interrupts Eren’s answering of a question different from the one he asked. He’ll take the blame for that; he’ll have to be more specific and not assume Eren’s able to think about anything other than emptying his balls. Which, come to think of it, is also his fault. Eren must have remembered what Levi told him he could do later. Hmm. He promised, after all. Plus, Eren’s already undressing.

Correction; Eren’s already half-naked, and his trousers are on their way off. Leave it to a soldier to know how to dress and undress in a minute flat. Levi’s heard horror stories about Shadis and his stopwatch. Apparently, a soldier with an erection can do it even faster.

“Yeah, I’m well aware, Eren. I meant oil.” Levi maneuvers himself onto the bench opposite Eren to enjoy the show Eren’s putting on for him. He doesn’t mind that Eren doesn’t pull his pants back up to check for the balm that is hopefully still in his pocket. Levi has conflicting feelings about the realization that he doesn’t remember seeing Eren put it back afterward. He’s a little wary about taking Eren’s titan cock with spit, but he’s also disgustingly delighted at the prospect of the commander and his motley gang of egotistical, slimy shitbags discovering the tin on or near the sofa when they go to enjoy their brandy and cigars.

There’s nothing to suggest that it’s something that would be used for intimate purposes. The nobles shouldn't see it as anything other than what it is: an innocent tin of a famous brand's skin balsam. They'll probably think it belongs to some lovely young maiden who’d accidentally left it behind after slipping away to beautify her supple, youthful, vestal skin for them.

So, no, they may not know it was recently used to get a dick up the Survey Corps captain’s ass, but Erwin sure as fuck will.

The next thought Levi has is as amusing as it is disturbing. What if Hanji and Moblit found it first and–

Levi shakes his head to ward off that mental image. He vehemently refuses to imagine his fellow officers getting freaky with his lube while he has an erection. Or when he doesn’t. Or ever.

He does, however, intentionally choose to imagine the look on Erwin’s face when he finds it. Levi’s not attracted to the man in the slightest, but something about that scenario gets him hard. Probably for the same reason he got so turned on by imaging shaking hands with nobles and getting macked on by Baroness Von Breast with a rectum full of Eren’s semen.

As depraved as it may be to become sexually aroused by such notions, Levi’s saving grace is that nothing in the universe turns him on more than his lovely, handsome Eren standing in front of him with his lovely, handsome cock out.

Eren’s naked from the waist down, and the way his dress shirt hangs unbuttoned reveals a teasing, tantalizing strip of flesh that draws Levi’s gaze like a magnet. He swallows and licks his lip while his eyes follow the appetizing trail that starts at the mark he left on his neck earlier. He is extraordinarily pleased to see it still there, as it means that Eren disallowed his titan abilities to heal it. After admiring it while he still can, he lets his gaze drift lower, though only by a few inches, just to the beginning of the faint, alluring line of hair between his pectorals that he loves dragging his nails through.

Levi’s palms are itching. He devours the next few enticing inches of chest and midsection, swallowing again when he reaches Eren’s navel, where another trail of hair begins, eagerly anticipating what awaits him at the hem of Eren’s shirt. He lingers upon an unusual detail, wondering if it was merely a trick of the light, but he was unable to make the call because Eren turned around. That’s all right. Now he gets to admire Eren’s ass while he’s busy fishing about in his pants for the tin.

Eren turns back to him with a smile, which is just as pleasant to behold as his tight, plush, muscular ass. Praise Maria, he has the lube.

Levi’s still curious about what he saw. He reaches out to pull Eren to him, nuzzling his face into the light dusting of hair on his chest. He pushes Eren’s shirt off his shoulders, slipping it down until it falls crumpled to the muddy carriage floor. Eren inhales through his teeth and trembles, and Levi then learns that his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. He’s going to play a trick on Eren, though. He smirks into Eren’s belly, carefully crafting his expression until it's just right, at which point he pushes Eren back to present it to him.

“Oh, Eren,” Levi gasps quietly, peeking up from Eren’s abdomen to meet his eyes, ignoring the cock he’d temporarily forgotten about when it bumps him on the chin. Levi’s eyes are round, sparkling brightly with tenderness and wonder, only one of which is genuine. Eren gazes down at him curiously with a small inquisitive hum. “How long were you planning on keeping this from me?” He asks, breathy with amazement.

“Huh?” Eren’s expression changes drastically, and the confusion written all over him is priceless. “Keep what from you?” Why the hell is Levi looking at me like that, and what the fuck is he talking about? Is he waiting for my dick? I wasn’t going to keep it from him for long.

“When were you going to tell me I’m going to be a father?” Levi flutters his lashes, and it takes everything he has to keep from laughing, but fuck, the look on Eren’s face, holy shit. It’s worth spoiling the mood. He’ll make up for it after he’s had his fun.

“What.” Eren’s expression keeps getting better and better.

“Why didn’t you tell me right away that you were carrying my child?” Levi takes it a step further by placing his ear against Eren’s stomach and gasping. “Eren. Eren! I think he's kicking!” Or drowning, because there’s a whole lot of gurgling going on in there.

“Uh, Levi… I think you had a little too much to drink tonight. I am not carrying your child.” Eren’s eyeing his weird-ass captain warily. He only saw him drink that one glass of wine, and Levi can’t get drunk to begin with. They’ve tried.

“Eren.” Levi pushes Eren away by the hips, his face grim and voice gravely chilling. He hears Eren gulp. Sorry, kid, just let me get my laugh, and then I’ll see about impregnating you. “Are you saying it isn’t mine?” His question sounds more like a death threat, and his sharp grey eyes back it up.

“Levi! I’m not pregnant! I can’t even get pregnant! Believe me, if I could, we’d have a small army by now.” Eren can’t tell if he’s amused or annoyed, and he also doesn’t know how he can still have a boner after all this bizarre emotional whiplash.

“Then how do you explain this?” Levi punctuates his question by jabbing his finger into Eren’s lower abdomen.

“Oof.” Eren hisses in discomfort and doubles over with his arm wrapped around his midriff for protection. He thought Levi would want to keep it. He straightens his posture once he hears the distinctive staggering rumble indicating that Levi is about to start laughing at him.

Eren is left standing there totally naked with his head hung low, utterly defeated, with Levi laughing at him while he stares at the bulge beneath his navel that Levi so rudely poked.

“Oh. Yeeeaahh, I kinda... ate. A lot.” Eren sheepishly rubs the back of his neck while Levi tries to suppress his giggles. “Are you done yet?” He groans while Levi's amusement peters out. Teasing him didn’t kill his boner, but laughing at him sure did the trick.

“Come here, you little shit.” Eren feels better once Levi pulls him onto his lap to embrace him. “I’m just fucking with you. I couldn’t resist.”

Eren can’t stay mad at him. Levi’s fucking adorable when he’s like this, and he knows he’s the only one who Levi ever allows to see him this way. How could he be mad about that? He wasn’t mad. Just frustrated. Sexually.

“If you’re all done fucking with me, then will you please hurry up and start fucking with me? You were so pissed off about Erwin trying to blue-ball you, and then you turn around and do this. I’m dying here. Please?”

“Alright, alright. I’ll take care of it. Sorry, boys. Won’t happen again.” When Levi starts patting his balls while talking to them, Eren gets the sudden urge to open the door, kick Levi right out of the carriage and just take care of it himself. “Now, where were we?”

Levi’s suddenly seductive tone and his finger teasing along his half-hard cock change Eren’s mind. Levi is not leaving this carriage until every surface in here has come on it, starting with his asshole, but it's gotta come from inside. Eren’s not gonna let him waste it on his back.

“We were about to fuck?”

“Ah, yes,” Levi replies with even more seduction in his voice. Even the way he smirks at Eren is seductive. The manner in which he smooths his small, battle-worn hands up and down Eren’s sides should go without saying. “Then why don’t you lend me a hand?”

Levi’s hands halt their motions in favor of squeezing Eren’s hip with one and using the other to bring Eren’s fingers to his jacket's top button. Eren flashes him an excited grin once he parses Levi’s meaning, and he wastes no time in getting to work. Levi groans as Eren’s enthusiastic fingers flick open the buttons one by one, becoming more and more aroused with each one he undoes. Eren reaches the last and hurries to push the jacket off his shoulders, and Levi expedites the process by unbuckling his belt, lifting his hips off the bench to slide his slacks down while Eren sets on to getting his shirt open.

The pearly buttons there are much smaller than the ones on his uniform, and Eren’s hands are shaking so much that his fingers are too clumsy to work them. He gives up after only two, and with a frustrated growl, he just rips the shirt open the rest of the way. The sound of those tiny buttons clattering to the floor makes him realize what he’s done, but with the elevated state Levi’s in, Eren doubts he cares enough to scold him for it. He’ll buy him a new one when they get back. There’s not a chance in hell he’s crawling around to hunt for all those tiny-ass buttons so he can sew them back on.

They’re both hard and panting by the time they’re done, staring at each other in disbelief. If you’d told either of them they’d be stark naked in a moving, hijacked carriage hardly more than an hour after being caught fucking by their boss, they would have called you crazy. Welp, here they are. They’re gonna fuck, too.

They have one thing going for them–it’s grown rather steamy in the cabin (largely thanks to Eren’s abnormal body heat), and as a result, the condensation that gathered on the windows froze over. Should the coachman turn around to investigate any strange noises coming from the cabin, he won’t be able to see anything but shadows through the frost-glazed glass and thus will not have a front-row view of their not-so-private-anymore parts, unlike the commander. The commander who is going to be doubly pissed once he finds out about the carriage and what those parts are about to do inside it.

They’ll worry about that later.

“Ready?” he asks Eren, groping around for the lube but having no luck. Levi looks aside to see if he can spot it anywhere in the compartment, but when he turns back, it magically appears in Eren’s hand, from which he immediately snatches it.

“What do you think?” Eren says sarcastically, swinging his arms out to his sides to draw Levi’s attention to his cock, which is evocative of a finger pointing at him in accusation, and which is also bouncing comically with every bump in the road.

“Ah. I see your point.” Levi states, and it causes Eren to huff and roll his eyes. Levi glances back to the furious dick threatening to poke his eye out. The generous, enticing bead of pre-ejaculate forming at the tip of it drips off when they ride over another bump. “One thing. I’m not laying on the floor.”

“That’s perfect. I want to be on my back.” Eren twists around for his jacket and flings it onto the carriage floor, spreading it open with his toes and then sinking down onto it. Once he’s in the position he planned on being in all day, he smiles with satisfaction. He opens arms and knees wide in invitation, silently begging Levi to get on top of him.

Levi sets the nearly empty tin of balm beside them and descends upon Eren, going straight for his neck to deepen the red spot he was so delighted to discover still staining his skin. Mine. The harsh suck draws a shivery moan from Eren. Eren reaches for the balm and struggles to pop the lid off with one sweaty, shaky hand. He has a few more hickeys by the time he gets it open. He’s relieved to learn he hasn’t spilled any, thankful that the wintry air in the coach was cold enough to solidify it a bit.

He strains against Levi’s voracious mouth, whining when Levi refuses to move. He wants to get off at least once before the ride is over. There’s no time to spare; can’t Levi see that? Eren pushes Levi away by the shoulder. Once he can reach it, he moves his hand to his chest to nudge him away further, the fingers of his free hand swiping into the tin.

Levi notices right away what Eren’s doing, and his body buzzes with anticipation. But when Eren spreads his legs, bypasses his own cock, and goes directly for his, he stops him.

“Whoa, hold up. What do you think you’re doing?” Levi asks, much to Eren’s continued frustration. He reads Eren like a book, and the words printed on his face say, “Levi, just hurry up and put it in already!”

“Getting you ready?” Eren replies, posing his answer as a question.

“Then you’re going for the wrong cock, and my asshole’s on the back.” Eren’s so confused, scrunching his eyebrows like Levi just asked about the weather while they’re in the midst of getting busy.

“Mmm, no,” he hums, his hungry, lust-blown eyes boring into Levi. “It’s my turn.” He’d usually never turn down the chance to fuck Levi, but he already did that a little while ago. He’s been dying for this for weeks, so if his ass wasn’t so cock-starved, he’d agree, and gladly. Besides, it’s only fair to take turns. Levi will get another turn in about five, ten minutes, tops.

“Yeah… No. I’m not putting my dick in there.”

“What?” Eren blinks several times, shocked to hear Levi say something like that. Maybe it’s just the way he worded it, but it made him feel more insecure than flattered. Levi usually says something like, “I want you to put your fucking cock inside me,” when that’s what he’s in the mood for, and this feels nothing like that does. “Why?”

“Because this.” Levi sits up and pokes Eren’s protruding belly. Eren shrugs and shakes his head, peering at him with large, bewildered eyes.

“Because I ate a lot?” Eren pauses to stare up at Levi, who has done nothing to quiet his insecurity yet. Does he not want me?

“Because,” Levi answers, and he’s somewhat condescending with the way he draws out the word, which does even less to ease Eren’s worry. “There’s no room for it. If I shove it up there, you’ll end up shitting out of your mouth.”

“Augh, Leviiii, that’s gross!” Eren usually doesn’t mind Levi’s constant shit jokes, even finds them funny sometimes, but this is not the right occasion to be making one. Levi seems more interested in killing the mood than screwing.

“You know what’s gonna be even grosser?”

“God, stop! I don’t even have to go yet! Maria, Levi, if you don’t want to have sex, just say so!” Eren groans into his palm, which he’s slapped over his face to hide his embarrassment.

“I never said I didn’t want to. You think I wouldn’t tell you if I didn’t?” Levi feels a little guilty about embarrassing Eren this time. He shouldn’t be heckling him when they’re about to have sex. The teasing is supposed to happen after, not before. “Hey, come here.” He drags Eren’s hand away from his blushing, distressed face so he can press soft, apologetic kisses all over it.

When Levi pushes away to gaze down at him, he feels even guiltier. Eren’s drawn his secret weapon, and he’s aiming straight at him. Those pathetic-looking puppy-dog eyes again, and god damn, there’s that fucking pout, too. Levi sighs deeply and strokes Eren’s cheek.

“Let’s make a deal,” he says, and that must’ve been the wrong thing to say because Eren's pout deepened, and he turned his head aside to sulk. “Hey, no, look at me. You haven’t even heard what I’m gonna say.” Eren sighs dramatically but concedes. Levi has it so bad for Eren that watching a grown man throw a tantrum is, for some unknown reason, adorable to him.

“Okay, here’s the deal. You do it to me now, and when we get back, I’ll do it to you. Sound good?”

“Yeah,” Eren says, giving another dramatic exhale, “I guess.”

“Don’t sound so excited about it.” The pout’s back. Little shit. “If you really don’t want to, we’ll do it the other way around. But I have plans for you.” Ah, there we go. That did the trick.

“What kind of plans?” It’s tough for Eren to mope when Levi says stuff like that. He’s eager to hear more about these plans, especially because they involve Levi’s dick. He also likes the little smile that slips onto Levi’s lips, and it’s the change in Levi’s expression that made him recognize how contrite Levi appeared before.

“Well, first, I’m going to get you into my bed and spoil the shit out of you.” Eren scrunches his nose at the mention of shit again, but at least he’s stopped pouting for now. “I’ll kiss and mark every goddamn inch of you. Maybe let you sit on my face, lick that pretty little hole of yours. Then, just when you can’t take it anymore, I’m going to lay you on your back, slide my cock into you, and we’re gonna make love. Nice and slow, all bundled up in the sheets, fireplace going, everything. Gonna come inside you as many times as I can. Which, I’ll have you know, is what I planned on doing from the start.”

When Levi remembers why those plans didn’t come to fruition after roughly a month of dreaming about them, he pauses before tacking on, thoughtfully, “I’m going to make him pay for that, by the way. Shave his goddamn eyebrows while he’s sleeping. Throw his toupeé out the window or something, maybe both. Whatever it is, he’s gonna have a bad time.”

Eren was about to blow his load right then and there because of what Levi just said to him, but, as much as he disliked bringing Commander Erwin into it, it did prevent him from losing his chance to do it inside Levi–if he’ll let him.

“So, then,” Levi drawls, dipping down to give Eren a taste of things to come by licking his neck while grinding against him with a firm, deliberate roll of his hips. “Do we have a deal?”

---

Eren eagerly held up his end of the bargain. As he recalls, the saying goes, “all good things come to those who wait.” But since Levi didn’t have to wait more than three seconds to have a cock in his ass, Eren tries his best to balance the waiting–to–goodness ratio. For him, it was a very, very long three seconds, so he might not even need to, Levi’s never complained before, but he steps up his game to make sure he has a good time.

Erections notwithstanding, the hard part now is keeping the pace slow. It may not be the most judicious course of action, considering they have no idea where they are or how much time has passed since they left the party, and it’s only about an hour’s ride to headquarters. Levi deserves better than a quickie, so hopefully, they still have plenty of time. They’d have more if Levi didn’t waste so much of it on being a smartass.

Levi's face makes it a little easier to prolong this special moment. Eren finds himself slowing down and just staring at how beautiful he is riding him in the warm glow of the lantern. He doesn’t realize he’s doing it or that he’s gripping Levi’s hips so forcefully that it hinders Levi from taking over whenever Eren stops fucking him from below.

Somewhere around the fourth or fifth time it happens, Levi stops trying to keep up the pace. He sees how Eren looks at him whenever it happens; how his lips part and his eyes shimmer with awe, how he stares silently up at him like he’s the most marvelous thing he’s ever seen. Levi gets a lump in his throat and a flutter in his stomach whenever Eren looks at him that way–and he does it often. It’s so intense that it makes him worry, not in a fearful way, but like he’s not sure why Eren looks at him like that because he’s not as incredible as Eren seems to think he is. Levi doesn’t know that he looks at Eren with the same expression, and he doesn’t know he’s doing it right now.

“Levi?” Eren calls his name during one of those serene moments of inertia, and Eren’s awed expression is more intense than it has been so far. Levi gazes into his eyes, answering him with a soft, inquisitive hum, offering him his full attention. Eren’s hands drift up from Levi’s hips to fold over his neck instead, and he stares into his eyes for another few moments before he pulls him into his chest in a tender embrace. “Thank you for dancing with me.” Levi burrowed his face in his neck, so he murmured it into the top of Levi’s head.

Levi inhales deeply, and Eren detects the strange way his body jerks when he draws his next breath and it catches in his throat. Levi is silent for a long time. There’s another clipped, strained breath when he tries to speak.

“Are you sure you’re really okay with it?” Levi lifts his head from Eren’s sweaty shoulder to look him in the eye. It still seems like a dream.

“I am,” Eren answers him truthfully and with a shy but sincere smile that hits Levi right in the heart. “I’m… really happy. I've actually... I've dreamed about you wanting everyone to know, and this was even better than that. It felt... I felt like you were proud of me. I’m so honored, so proud to be yours, Levi. I thought we’d have to keep it a secret forever.”

They’re both getting a little misty-eyed.

“I wanted to do that from the beginning. Did you know that?” Levi asks, gazing into Eren’s eyes and trailing gentle fingertips down his cheek.

“Really?” Eren gasps, his big green eyes round and sparkling.

“Mmm-hmm. I did. I wanted to show you off to the world. Flaunt how lucky I was to be with you.” Levi was never this sappy before Eren. Hell, he wasn’t even sappy at all. This brat makes him do all kinds of embarrassing things, and he never wants that to change. Eren brought joy into his life, and he brings more and more of it with every passing day.

Eren opens his mouth to say something, but all that comes out is a deafening, startled cry. Levi’s eyes shoot open the widest Eren’s ever seen them, and he choked and clambered to brace himself and gave a loud, startled yelp through teeth that weren't clenched nearly as hard as his asshole around him.

They must’ve driven over the boulder that Eren used to plug the hole in Trost because the carriage jolted so violently that the severe jostling bounced his body airborne, and then gravity slammed him down hard onto Eren’s cock.

That’s okay. The startling, unexpected interruption came in handy. Levi needed an excuse to stop talking before he got even more embarrassingly mushy.

Also, he came.

Chapter Text

Erwin saw the light under Levi’s door, and he was angry before, but now he’s pissed.

How long has Levi been back? He better not be sleeping. If I find out that Levi went to bed without even bothering to come to my office like he’d been ordered to...

What Erwin wants to do right now is storm into Levi’s room and drag him out of bed, but he thinks better of it before he makes the fatal mistake of taking Levi by surprise when he’s sleeping. The man can somehow produce knives from thin air. Even if Levi wasn’t sleeping with one (or likely more) under his pillow, anything within reach is a deadly weapon in his hands. Truth be told, it makes Levi an excellent captain–he’s never seen someone so amazing in battle, but… 

Erwin supposes he can get his satisfaction some way other than impulsively taking his annoyance out physically on the captain. He’ll surprise him from a safe distance. He’ll sit at Levi’s desk until he wakes up on his own, and it’ll be the most delightfully rude awakening when the first thing he sees after opening his eyes is his commander sitting there.

If he can just enter quietly enough–which Erwin realizes he probably can’t; not with Levi’s quick senses, honed to razor sharpness by years in the Underground as a wanted man, but suppose he can make it in undetected–

Erwin shakes off his anger-fuelled and quite honestly suicidal fantasy that could only end with him getting sliced to ribbons before he can give Levi the dressing down he rightfully deserves. Levi probably wouldn’t even have to be awake to turn him into a platter of sandwich meat.

Commander Erwin wisely chooses the safer, more appropriate course of action. He knocks. No answer. He knocks again. Silence. Says Levi’s name. Nothing.

Perhaps he really is asleep, albeit uncharacteristically deeply, or perhaps he isn’t in his chamber at all.

Only one way to find out.

Erwin, always the optimist–as unwarranted as that optimism is–decides to test the doorknob. It doesn’t stop; it turns smoothly, which is alarming–ominous, even–but there could be a reasonable explanation for why the ever-vigilant captain left his door unlocked. 

He opens it.

There’s a pleasant warmth and aroma from the fire crackling in the hearth. The myriad flickering candles strewn about lend a certain coziness, a certain soothing atmosphere, one that’s perfectly suited for one who wishes to ward off the winter chill. Erwin glances around the suite, noting the details, thinking it may be nice to duplicate this cozy and relaxing environment in his own quarters. His gaze soon lands on the bed, where he notices a lump under the blanket. 

Well, Levi is in bed, that’s for damn sure, but he isn’t asleep under the covers. Adding more to Erwin’s eternal chagrin is that Levi isn’t alone, either–and he’s not referring to his presence in the room. 

Either the couple couldn’t hear him knocking, calling out, and coming in over the profane call and response liturgy they’re reciting, or they didn’t care. Erwin’s vision goes redder than Levi’s bedspread, and at least that has the decency to cover their shame since Levi is apparently uneducated in the ways of such. 

His relief is agonizingly short-lived.

“Oh. Ohhhh…”

Erwin pinches the bridge of his nose–the blanket can't cover that.

Erwin suddenly finds the warm, cozy atmosphere far less soothing–far less comfortable–than he initially had. In fact, it’s decidedly unpleasant now. It’s no less well-suited for fighting off the cold. The problem is that it’s far better suited–perfect, actually, and how he’d missed this, he’ll never know–for activities of a romantic nature. 

The undulating motion of the satiny, deep crimson bedspread makes that uncomfortably apparent. Infuriatingly so. 

Really, he should’ve known the instant he noticed the captain and Eren missing, and the carriage along with them. That’s what he gets for giving in to his anger. He could have just waited, but he was so worked up over his dreadful evening that he couldn’t wait to vent his frustration on its very cause.

If only Erwin listened a little more carefully, held his ear to the door like any smart man would’ve done first, he might’ve noticed that there were too many breaths, and if he’d listened longer, he would’ve heard the other sounds, too. Whatever. He’s witnessed too many indiscretions tonight to bother being embarrassed by them anymore. If anything, it makes spoiling the moment even more appealing. To think Levi would blow off their meeting to… to fornicate! And for the second time in one night! 

Erwin doesn’t know it’s the third.

“Levi, you were supposed to be in my office–”

The wet smacking of two pairs of passionate lips regretfully parting from each other precedes Levi’s delayed acknowledgment of his superior. 

“You weren’t back yet,” Levi replies from somewhere beneath the blanket, not deeming the angry intruder (who also happens to be his boss) worthy of a glance. He does lift his head, though, which reveals to Erwin that Levi's the one on top and currently has a pair of long legs attached to big feet wrapped around him. Erwin shudders.

He controls his urge to stomp over, rip the covers off, and drag Levi out of bed for his disrespectful insubordinate behavior. Erwin stays right where he is because the blanket is still rising and falling rhythmically, albeit at greater intervals than the already long, slow ones he’d distressingly observed before announcing his presence.

He does, however, interrupt the next kiss.

“And why do you suppose that is?” Erwin asks rhetorically, desperately struggling to mask the anger in his voice–Levi won’t get the better of him this time. He might be angrier if he knew why Levi paid off the carriage driver and instructed him to take the rest of the night off.

Levi’s low mumbling is much easier to hear owing to one party’s cessation of breath. It seems the other individual has a shred of decency–which is more than Levi has–but not enough not to groan on the next languid, sensual roll of Levi’s blessedly hidden body. 

“I’m busy. Go away.” Levi curses himself for neglecting to lock the door, but could you honestly fault him for overlooking such a minor detail when he had lovemaking on the brain and was in a tremendous hurry to make that love? 

“Now, Levi.” Erwin crosses his arms and taps his foot, which he intends to be a threatening gesture, though he won’t admit that it was unintentional. It was the instinct to shield himself from the discomfort that induced it. If Levi bothered to look back at him, he might’ve found Erwin to appear more defensive than anything remotely close to intimidating. Levi’s low, disgruntled growl was significantly more menacing.

“And what, leave my little one unsatisfied?” Levi hates it when Eren calls him that, and he hopes Erwin hates hearing him call Eren that even more than he does when it’s him. Eren’s too mortified and frustrated to comment on it. “I’ll get there when I get there.”

“Levi,” Erwin warns, wrangling his voice into something more commander-ish in a futile effort to project some kind of authority, which, really, he has and Levi knows it, yet seems horribly, infuriatingly unmoved by it. 

Levi already knows what’s coming to him, and if he knows what’s good for him (and Eren), which he does, he knows that disobeying his commander will only lead to a more severe punishment than whatever Erwin already had planned for him–and the punishment better be only for him. 

“Fine,” Levi concedes with a long, rueful sigh. He kisses Eren on the forehead and apologizes to him, which Erwin supposes Eren is entitled to, so he allows Levi to ignore him just this once. Erwin may be infuriated, disappointed, and uncomfortable (he’d sworn that he wouldn’t be embarrassed), and he may be the commander, but he isn’t a heartless monster. “Give me a second, and I’ll be right there.”

Though Levi sounds sincere, Erwin doesn’t quite trust him enough to leave the room without him. He’s sure that the minute he stepped out that door, Levi would have it locked behind him faster than he could say court-martial.

Erwin’s angry gaze was pinned firmly on Levi, but when he saw Levi push himself up to look tenderly down at a frightened-looking Eren and gently stroke his scout’s flushed cheek, he respectfully turned his head to allow Eren and Levi to share their intimate moment in some semblance of privacy. 

Erwin tries to tune out the lowly-spoken words of apology and reassurance and the exchange of a few more soft kisses. However, he couldn’t tune them out altogether–not without plugging his ears like an indignant child–and he feels a twinge of guilt when he hears the tender declarations of love between them. Erwin’s heart softens, and he still intends to give Levi a thorough reprimand, but he suddenly second-guesses the severity with which he planned on delivering it. 

Erwin continues averting his eyes when he hears the swish of silken bedsheets and tries to ignore what the other quiet noise he heard from beneath them was, yet he still cringes at hearing Levi’s bare feet slap across the frigid stone floor. The ring of slapping skin brings to mind another image he’ll never be able to scour from his brain.

Levi is taking far too long to get dressed, and this time Erwin’s not loath to glower at him for it. Nudity is acceptable in this context, but he’s still glad he waited until he heard fabric rustling to look up. He’s already obtained more knowledge about Levi than he ever wanted to, but even though Levi’s bottom half is clothed, he’s accorded even more of that uncomfortably intimate knowledge about the man. Much more. Too much. Though, with what he can already see through his pants, he supposes it wouldn’t be that much worse to see it without them. 

One would think being walked in on and threatened by your superior officer would be more than enough to settle that matter. But, as he’d learned earlier this fateful evening, that is not the case for Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. And, much to his neverending dismay, he’d received far more explicit proof that the same goes for Humanity’s Last Hope. Maybe he shouldn’t be so surprised, considering that one is a teenage boy and the other a man with nigh-superhuman physiology. That doesn’t change the fact that he did not want or need this information, needed even less to see a demonstration of it, and absolutely did not ever, ever need to witness that demonstration during an important event that could’ve had significant negative repercussions for the Survey Corps if anyone else had walked in, nevermind that it was occurring between two people who should not be engaged in that type of affair at all.

Erwin wanted to get out of that room as quickly as possible, so he didn’t admonish Levi for following him to his office clad in nothing but tissue-thin linen trousers. He felt like scolding himself as he looked back before he shut the door only to see Eren Jaeger sitting up in Levi’s bed on the verge of tears, wringing the edge of the blanket in his white-knuckled fists, and realizing how sick with worry he appeared for the single second his eyes met Eren’s watery, pleading, innocent green ones.

---

“Well, I’m here,” Levi states flatly, choosing to remain standing while Erwin sits behind his massive mahogany desk in his equally enormous chair. 

Levi leans against the exit with his arms folded over his bare chest, and Erwin’s struck by a curious thought. It almost seems like Levi is trying to stay as close as he can to Eren, refusing to advance any farther than the door as it would separate them by that much more. And it shouldn’t seem strange to see Levi with his arms crossed, granted he’s not usually shirtless when he assumes his signature posture, but somehow it is now. He still looks intimidating, but it never before gave Erwin the impression that he was protecting himself.

Erwin shakes off the thought. He’s becoming too soft. This is serious for everyone involved.

“Since we’re both aware of what took place tonight–and you got lucky, by the way, because if anyone else bore witness to your grievous lapse in judgment, there would have been severe–"

“Get on with it.” Oh, I got lucky, all right. You got lucky, too, you bastard. I could’ve sent the carriage back instead of emptying my wallet to persuade the driver into cleaning up after us.

"I’d like to address a new concern that has arisen.”

"Which is...?" Levi notes Erwin's look of irritation at being interrupted and tosses back one of his own, but irritation looks scarier on Levi's face than it does on Erwin's. Sounds scarier, too.

“I was informed that you danced with him,” Erwin states just as blankly, matching Levi’s stony gaze.

“Correct,” Levi answers without a second of reluctance. He’s put his emotions aside for now; he needed to be focused and ready for battle. He watches Erwin’s expression change, sees him rub his chin like he’s plotting something, and Levi is prepared to act.

“And that you kissed him,” Erwin says, placing subtle emphasis on the other shocking detail he’d heard second-hand but had a harder time believing. Levi may have had the guts to foolishly copulate with his subordinate at an unforgivably inappropriate time and place, but that, while still unbelievable, is not nearly as unbelievable as Levi kissing the young man in plain view of all those powerful (and wealthy) people.

“I did,” Levi replies smoothly in self-assurance, strengthening his statement with a single bow of the head.

“In front of everyone.”

“And?” Levi answers with a question and a challenging lift of an eyebrow. Erwin has nothing to say to this. Perhaps he hadn’t expected him to answer so honestly. If he’s going to fight for Eren, he’s going to do it righteously. 

Erwin spends a great while visibly cycling through an assortment of emotions, and then, with a deep sigh, he finally speaks again.

“How long has this been going on?” Erwin feels his anger drain out of him. As appalling as his discovery was, what's shocking him more right now is that Levi isn’t putting up a fight. It's curious. It has him wondering how much of the Levi he knows is actually the real one. He wants to ask more questions, but, really, he can’t let this go–there are urgent issues to address–he just hadn’t planned on Levi not resisting, on being so… so... Not Levi.

“The relationship or the sex? Because the sex thing didn’t happen until later,” Levi says, entirely unruffled by it. Erwin already saw everything, so he might as well tell him the whole story.

Even if Erwin had expected Levi to be this compliant, he definitely would never have predicted he would be this open. Frankly, Erwin is speechless. Levi caught him off guard, and he now feels woefully unprepared for the turn this conversation has taken. For all his shrewd strategic prowess, he can’t fathom how an abnormal titan could be more predictable than a man he’s known for years. 

“I never knew that you liked...that you were…” Erwin waves his hand in small circles, fumbling for words, suffering amnesia from the blow Levi delivered him with his… everything. This isn’t what he intended to speak with him about, but...

“What, that I liked taking it up the ass? I’m not always th–” 

“I was going to say homosexual,” Erwin interrupts. Perhaps he’s in over his head. He needs to get it together–he’s the one in charge here, after all. 

“For what it’s worth, neither did I.” Levi shrugs nonchalantly against the door and shifts his weight to his other foot. Erwin looks flabbergasted, while Levi looks indifferent. Levi watches the pleasingly shocked man’s mouth open and close a few times, until, abruptly, he’s Commander Erwin again, and it's a lot less interesting.

“You know that this relationship is entirely inappropriate. It's unacceptable. I can’t let this continue.” Erwin steadily wrests the power from Levi and back to where it belongs–with him.

“And why is that? Don’t tell me you’re one of those prejudiced assholes. You have a problem with homosexuals, Commander?” Levi isn’t even doing anything particularly threatening–he looks bored, he’s inspecting his nails, for god’s sake, how can he be reclaiming the advantage so easily? Erwin hardens himself for the next one–sympathy be damned.

“He is under your care. You cannot be involved with him like this.” Erwin thinks he sounded threatening enough to convince Levi to take him seriously.

“I care about him, and he was under me, so I’d say I can,” Levi quips, and Erwin learns just how much he’s overestimated his capacity for intimidation.

“Levi, you need to take this seriously. This is an abuse of power.” Erwin thought he did a better job of sounding threatening this time, but all it took was one look from Levi, one quick twitch of his eyebrow and a flash in his eye to let him know he failed again.

“Are you implying that I’m coercing him?” There’s ice in Levi’s voice now, and even though he’s barefoot, half-naked, and unarmed, all he needed was to push himself off the door, and Erwin’s eyes instantly widened. It was only for a split second–Erwin gets his mask on faster than Eren can undress, and that’s saying something–but Levi didn’t miss it, and it was immensely satisfying to see. Not as satisfying as coming inside Eren, who he’d agonizingly left all alone (and also unsatisfied) in bed after having their long-awaited romantic tumble taken away from them again. If he can’t have that, he’ll settle for whatever he can get.

“Not only is he your charge, but he also looks up to you. It would be too easy to take advantage of that. You’re in a position of authority over him. Besides, he is way too young for you. No matter how you look at it, it’s improper.” 

“Oh? Too young? I’m sure Marie would’ve begged to differ.” Levi’s vacant, placid expression is somehow more aggressive than the scowl he countered with before. Even more chilling is the way he tacks on a calm, accusatory, “Commander.”

“That’s crossing a line.” Erwin bristles at the reminder of one of his greatest regrets. His entire body stiffens at the mention of Marie; his traitorous fingers clench atop his desk and give him away. 

“And saying I’m abusing him isn’t?”

"Levi,” Erwin warns, but Levi is having none of it. He cuts him off before he can continue.

“No. Eren is an adult, and he can make his own choices. You and I both know it's impossible to force Eren into doing something he doesn’t want to do. Not you, not his friends, not even me.” It’s Levi whose composure shatters now, he’s emotionally compromised, and it gives Erwin all the opening he needs to reach for control. 

But, for as much as Erwin looks the part of the powerful, fearless commander again, he feels it less than ever. It’s Levi’s emotional outburst that finally gets to him, shakes him, hits him squarely in the heart, though he knows he can’t let it show again. He steels himself against the onslaught of Levi’s words and emotions, though every strike chips away at his armored expression as Levi’s tirade continues.

“I don’t know what you think this is, Erwin, but I thought you knew who I was. How fucking dare you even imply that I’d ever abuse him in any way. Do you think this is just sex? You think I just want to use him, that he’s nothing more to me than a good fuck? Eyebrows, you listen to me, and you listen well,” Levi spits, and he is deadly serious when he lays it out for him. “I am in love with him, Erwin. I’d jump into a titan’s mouth before I’d ever hurt him. I’d give my life for him, and if you don’t believe that, asshole, you can go fuck yourself with a rusty saw.” 

Erwin clenches his jaw to keep it from dropping. Levi is frenzied, he’s panting, he’s baring his teeth, he just openly declared that he was in love with someone, and on top of that, he just called him an asshole–and not in the way he usually does.

“You’re out of line.”

“No, you know what? Fuck you. You can ask him yourself.” Levi turns his back on his superior officer and reaches for the doorknob.

“Where do you think you’re going? You haven’t been dismissed.”

Levi’s shoulders tense, rising and falling as he tries to steady his breathing, and he lingers with his hand on the doorknob for a long, silent moment. When he answers, his voice is so dark and quiet that it could make the devil himself turn tail and run.

“I’m going to get proof.” 

With that, the door swings open, and when it slams shut, it leaves Erwin shell shocked and staring at the space where the captain stood shouting at him a heartbeat ago.

---

Eren sat in Levi’s bed until the shock wore off. The reminders of his bliss soured his stomach, which he feared he wouldn’t have enough time to run and empty over the toilet bowl instead of on Levi’s sheets. Normally Levi’s scent would soothe him, normally he’d curl up with a smile and savor the ghost of him inside his body after Levi withdrew, but all of that is ruined now. This may be his last chance to enjoy it, but he’s unable to.

The worry was making him sick. He had to distract himself, find something to take his mind off things until Levi came back and told him everything was fine. He got out of bed and pressed his ear to the door, strained to hear any little sound he could pick up, but he couldn’t hear a single thing, and it only made his anxiety worse.

He thought an activity might help, but none of Levi’s books appealed to him, and his room was already spotless. He decided to clean himself up instead but immediately regretted it once he realized he’d washed Levi’s scent off his skin. 

Eventually, he resorted to just pacing the room–it was all he could do. 

He thought he imagined the shouting, but he felt the slamming door; it faintly vibrated under his feet and made a few of the candles flicker, too.

Next thing he knows, Levi’s bedroom door is slamming open just as forcefully, and Levi’s barging into the room but isn’t looking at him. He’s gritting his teeth, fuming at the floor, and Eren feels more scared now than he was before he left. Not of Levi, though.

But then Levi looks at him, and he’s still just as worried, but there’s something strange in Levi’s wild eyes, and he doesn’t know what it is or why, but it makes him feel funny–tingly and fluttery and dizzy, but in a pleasant way. It’s only for a second that Levi meets his eyes, but, inexplicably, it calms him. Calms him even though Levi is stomping around the room, getting naked again for some reason that’s beyond him, and, for an even more unfathomable reason, stepping back into his dress uniform slacks that he’d been in such a hurry to take off when they got back. They should at least be dry in the back by now, but Levi really ought to be more careful with the zipper–he needs that.

Last time Eren blinked, Levi was across the room buttoning his pants, but now he’s suddenly wrapped in Levi’s arms, and he has his head on his shoulder. Eren’s so stiff with surprise that he forgets to hug back for a second.

Levi’s hands grip his biceps, and he pushes him away, holding him at arms’ length to look deeply into his eyes. He’s just staring, and it makes the funny feeling in his stomach even stronger.

“Is everything okay?” Eren whispers, mouth dry and voice raspy. Levi’s staring at him so intensely that it’s actually a little unnerving. “Are we okay?”

“No,” Levi eventually replies and looks away from Eren with a sigh. When he looks back into Eren’s eyes, it surprises Eren that there’s no more anger in them. They’re soft now, shimmering, and fuck, it feels so weird. “But we’re about to be.”

---

The pair walk down the hall in silence, Eren more dressed than Levi, but both still barefoot. The castle is freezing, but that’s not why Eren is shivering.

They’re right outside Erwin’s door when Levi, instead of opening it, halts and turns Eren by the shoulders to look him in the eye. Eren scans his face for an explanation since Levi isn’t giving one–still just staring at him, feels so weird–but all he finds is that funny softness in his eyes. 

He finally speaks.

“Do you trust me?” Levi whispers, and Eren looks so confused, but he still nods, wets his lips, and answers yes. “Okay.” Levi pulls Eren down, kisses him tenderly on the forehead, squeezes his hand, and then they’re walking through the door to face the commander.

The idea had come out of nowhere, and at the time, Levi merely found it humorous and nothing more. That all changed as he watched multitudes of strange women swarming around Eren like hungry titans. Eren is a very attractive young man, and charismatic, too, so it’s no wonder he has so many admirers, himself included. Usually, Levi doesn’t mind when people openly admire Eren, but that’s when his fellow soldiers do it–people he knows. But something about it being strangers who flirted with Eren, made eyes at him, all those unknown variables… it felt different tonight, and that’s what did it. He had to do it.

Eren makes him do stupid things, and Levi hopes beyond hope that this is not one of them.

---

“Good evening, Eren,” Erwin says, politely acknowledging him before turning his attention much less politely to Levi. “Levi, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to finish with you before I speak with him.”

“Why? This conversation involves him. He has a right to be here for it and to speak for himself.” 

Eren thinks Levi sounds even stranger now. He’s calm, but there’s something shaky there. The shakiness isn’t something unfamiliar to him. It’s just that it’s odd to hear it there when they're not alone and he’s not saying those words but rather talking to the commander who he seemed so angry with before. 

Erwin agrees to allow Eren to stay. He’d have preferred to speak to him separately–without Levi’s influence. He says nothing more and watches as Levi turns to talk to Eren instead.

“Eren, I’m going to ask you some questions, and I need you to answer honestly,” Levi says, so solemn and serious that it makes Eren nervous. Nevertheless, Eren puts on a brave face, nods, and signals him to continue. “If you need some time to think about your answers, tell me, and I will give it to you, as much as you need. And I want you to know that no matter what your answers are, as long as they’re honest, they’re right, and there will be no negative consequences. Not from me, not from Erwin.” 

At this, Levi turns his head to Erwin and locks eyes with him, waiting for him to acknowledge his words. Erwin studies him for a moment and then nods and grants Levi his approval to proceed without interruption. 

“Are you ready?”

Eren stares into Levi’s eyes. He’s still nervous, but he trusts Levi with all his heart. He’s always safe as long as Levi’s by his side. Especially when he has that look in his eyes like he’s telling him that no matter what, everything’s going to be alright–Levi won’t let any harm come to him. Eren inhales, swallows, and then, with a confident nod, says, “I’m ready.”

“Okay,” Levi says, and his voice is so soft and calm and comforting that when Levi walks away to stand beside Erwin’s desk, and he’s left standing all by himself near the door, Eren doesn’t need to follow after him to feel safe.

“First question, then. Did you know that I was going to do this?” Eren shakes his head no, but Levi hopes for a verbal response to his next question. “Anything that would’ve indicated I intended to bring you here to question you?”

“No, sir,” Eren answers, and while Levi hates the sir, he’s glad Eren gave his answer out loud.

“Are you willing to talk about our relationship in front of Erwin?”

“Yes, sir,” Eren answers, louder and with more composure than before despite his uncertainty. He was willing to accept the consequences of Levi’s claim, and now’s his chance to make good on his promise. 

Levi gives nothing away with his tone or expression. He shows no emotion at all, questions him like he’s on trial with Erwin observing the proceedings in silent interest. This is a surprise for Erwin, and he doesn’t know where this is going, but his curiosity is piqued.

“Are you afraid to tell me no?”

“No, sir. I’m not.” Eren has the urge to elaborate–feeling like his answers are confined to only yes or no reminds him too much of actually being on trial. “With how many times I’ve told you no, I’m surprised you had to ask.”

Levi looks amused by this but doesn’t react except to continue to the next question.

“Have you ever felt coerced by me?” Eren makes a face at this, which indicates to Levi that Eren doesn’t quite understand what he’s being asked. Levi amends his question. “Have you ever felt like I’ve pressured you to do something you didn’t want to do?”

“What, you mean like nagging me to do my laundry or comb my hair? Then, yes,” he answers, the corners of his mouth twitching with the beginnings of a grin. 

Levi would be tempted to chuckle, ruffle his hair, and call him a smartass for his answer if this wasn’t so serious. He clarifies further.

“Have you ever felt like I’ve pressured, coerced, or forced you into having sex?” Levi keeps his face a blank slate and hopes Eren didn’t notice Erwin subtly raise his giant fucking eyebrow and glance at both of them.

“No. Never,” Eren says, entirely composed in demeanor and firm in tone despite the sudden redness of his cheeks.

“Have you ever felt like I’ve mistreated or abused you? Physically harmed you or done anything to you without your consent?”

“Absolutely not. You’ve treated me with more kindness and respect than anyone ever has.” Eren’s relieved that he didn’t have to answer another question about sex–not in so many words, at least. He would have if he needed to, but, really… he’d rather not. Erwin’s already learned far too much about their sex life for one night–or ever, really. 

Levi seems satisfied by this answer, and perhaps even a little touched by it. He pauses before the next one, and his expression is less Captain Levi and more Levi Levi when he asks it.

“How do you feel about me?” Levi’s eyes finally show some emotion now, and Eren’s funny feeling comes back when he detects it. Part of what Eren sees is familiar, but there’s something else to it now, and whatever it is, he’s not showing it in private; he’s doing it in front of Commander Erwin.

“I–” Eren licks his lips before continuing, unsure if he’s supposed to answer this way or if he’s even being asked what he thinks he is. But he promised to answer each question honestly, so that’s precisely what he does. “I love you.” 

That must have been the right answer–it was the honest one–because Levi’s eyes sparkled. He could see it from across the room. 

“Do you know how I feel about you?” Levi asks, and his voice has suddenly taken on a faint airy quality that makes Eren’s heart soar and helps distract him from the awkwardness of the situation.

“I do,” Eren whispers, smiling to himself as merely thinking about how loved he feels by Levi has warmth swelling in his chest. He’s got it bad, and he knows it–and now he’s allowed to let everyone else know it, too. “I know you love me. It’s the one thing in my life I’m sure about.” 

He’s been too focused on Levi to pay Erwin much mind–it’s a lot easier to answer all these personal questions if he can pretend he’s not in the room–but something compels him to break the illusion. He’s slightly afraid of what he might find when he sees the commander’s face, but if this is what Levi meant when he asked him if he was ready, he’s more than happy to face anything that comes their way head-on and without fear, including the commander of the Survey Corps.

So he looks, and he sees that Commander Erwin isn’t looking back. The commander is looking at Levi with a wide-eyed expression he’s never, ever seen on him before. Levi only has his eyes on Erwin for a second before all of his attention is on him again. Levi looked happy, but he also looked...smug? Proud? There must be something going on that he doesn’t know about, but it doesn’t strike him as something he needs to worry about.

“Are you happy with our relationship, Eren?” Levi asks next, and Eren can almost see a smile on his lips when he does. 

What the fuck is up with him and Erwin? Is Levi going to smile in front of him? Honestly, Eren feels a tad jealous at the prospect. Levi’s smiles belong to him.

“Incredibly so,” Eren answers, feeling a little giddy at hearing his name fall so affectionately from Levi’s lips. Knowing Erwin heard him say it that way allays his sudden wave of jealousy. Levi’s making a statement, and Eren loves it.

“Do you feel like we’re serious? Do you feel like I’m committed to our relationship?” Levi looks into his eyes as he asks, and, yeah, there’s definitely a smile about to happen, but Levi’s trying to hold it back.

This is where Levi starts getting weird. Like really weird. Levi’s the weirdest person Eren knows, and he’s still never seen this level of weirdness from him before. It makes him feel weird–good weird.

“Yes, Levi, I do. I’ve never doubted that.” Eren can’t figure out why his heart is pounding like this. It’s so weird. And his eyes must be really tired because from here, Levi looks like he’s vibrating. Eren rubs his eyes. Nope, still vibrating. 

Does Levi have to take a piss? Is that why it looks like he’s having trouble standing still? Seriously, just go take a break before you wet your pants in front of the commander! It was already bad enough that he saw my dick in your ass, but that’ll be ten times worse!

“Do you feel you’re mentally and emotionally ready to make commitments?” 

Eren’s first thought is, I practically joined the military before I had hair on my balls. What kind of stupid question is that? Remembering who is in the room with them makes Eren select a more mature answer.

“I think that I am. I always consider what risks are involved and what will be required of me before I make a commitment. I never do it blindly, and I don’t do anything unless I want to. So, yes. I am. I definitely am.” 

What was it about what I just said that made Levi look so upset? He sounded like I punched him, and why did he close his eyes? Did I say something wrong? Is he trying to calm himself down because I made him angry?  He doesn't look angry.

Eren has the dumbest look on his face. He’s just standing there, frozen to the spot, mind racing, watching Levi walk away from Erwin’s desk to stride slowly in his direction.

Shit, why is he coming over here? And why is… Why is he looking at me like that? Why is he…

“Eren, sweetheart,” Levi says as he comes to a stop directly in front of him. He brushes Eren’s hair behind his ear with a trembling hand–what???–and he’s smiling so warmly that Eren’s heart skips a beat. Eren looks so confused–he is so confused–and it gets even worse when Levi’s voice gets even softer, even weirder, and for some unknown reason, he starts apologizing to him. “I’m so sorry to put you on the spot like this, but…”

What the fuck? Did he just call me sweetheart? And what’s he getting out of his pocket? Is he getting his handkerchief? Shit, do I have something hanging out of my nose again? Fuck, how much more embarrassing is today gonna get? Oh my god, no, he’s kneeling, there’s something on my pants. Shit, there’s probably dried jizz on my pants, oh god, that's why he's apologizing, oh no...

Wait, he’s not…? What’s that in his hand, then? That’s sure as fuck not his handkerchief. But… but then why does he… and where’d that even come from?

Why is he kneeling in front of me with a… with a… Oh. Oh my god. 

Oh fuck. 

“Will you marry me?”