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Chapter Text

Akko's eyes fluttered open to a room she didn't recognize.

"An unfamiliar ceiling." She chuckled at her own dated anime reference. Akko wasn't worried about the prospect of waking up in an unknown setting; she had knocked herself out enough times to be used to it. At least she was lying in a bed, as opposed to cramping up slumped over a chair or accumulating sore spots on a cold, hard floor.

The mattress beneath her was plushy and comforting, and the sheets were soft against her bare skin. What's the thread count on these? she wondered. A bazillion? I bet— Wait... her bare skin...? Why would she be able to feel the sheets against her legs, her stomach, her chest, unless...

With her usual alacrity, she pulled away the covers, tossing them away from herself and sitting up. She was confronted with the sight of her own mostly-naked body. Save for the area covered by her underwear (maroon boy shorts, "Nice choice, past Akko!"), her entire body was on display. Not that she had anything to be embarrassed about. Sure, she had more scars than a particularly inept and tasty zookeeper, but her charmingly decorated limbs were in fine shape, and all the exercise she did (literally running away from the consequences of her actions) kept the effects of her terrible dietary habits from catching up with her.

She clapped a hand to her toned stomach and grinned. Now that's a flat stomach, she thought. It's so flat, you could put a plate down and eat dinner off it.

Wait, have I already used that line? There was something hauntingly familiar about the wording, but she couldn't remember ever having said (or having the occasion to say) such a ridiculous line.

Her skin started to prickle into goosebumps at the chill of the early morning air. Britain was like that. It was too cool this early to be practically naked, even in June. She never slept in anything less than a t-shirt and shorts, and with good reason. Lotte and Sucy didn't need to see that. But it's not like there was anyone here to see her...

Out of the corner of her eye she saw a pale shape peeking out from under the covers, which upon focusing on the object Akko realized it was a third leg. Unless she had grown an extra limb during the night that could only mean one thing: she wasn't alone in this strange bed.

The bed wasn't just luxurious in its velvety softness, but also in its size. There was not only space enough for two, but enough distance between the bed's occupants that the other's identity wasn't immediately obvious to Akko. She would have to turn her head to see who it was.

Cool it, Kagari! she told herself. It wasn't the end of the world. All that happened was that she had shared a bed with someone, probably one of her friends. And she was pretty much naked. No big deal.

OF COURSE IT'S A BIG DEAL!

Akko tore at her hair in a panic. The list of reasons for waking up naked next to a friend were fewer than the number of classes Akko had passed in her first semester. Naturally, her mind jumped to the most extreme thing two people would do in bed together.

"Hint: it starts with an 'f,'" a mental projection of Amanda whispered to her, quoting some half-remembered quip she couldn't for the life of her recall the context.

I can't believe I slept with one of my friends! The mere thought of it was enough to send her head spinning, but she still couldn't muster up the courage to turn and face the person she had slept with. The fact that she couldn't even remember who was beside her and how they had come to be here was worrying all on its own. The last thing she needed was a mystery to work out.

Akko let her arms drop to her sides and took a deep breath. I can deal with this, she reassured herself. After all, she had taken down a whacked-out magic missile with her friends; what was a roll in the hay (or in this case, a roll on a very comfy bed) with one of them?

She scrunched up her face and mentally prepared herself to look at her partner. If it was Lotte or Sucy at least the incident wouldn't have to leave the Red Team dorm. If it was Amanda, at least she would be nonchalant about it. Hell, even if it was Hannah or Barbara she could live with the aftermath. It would be fine, as long as it wasn't—

Diana Cavendish stirred in her sleep, one of her perfect blonde tresses falling across her perfect-er face.

"Oh come on!" Akko wailed, covering her mouth with her hands a moment too late to hold in the sound. Out of everyone it could've been, why did it have to be Diana?

Make no mistake, Akko liked Diana. Forget "like"; Akko had a full-blown, gay disaster, monster crush on her. It turns out when you spent part of every day thinking about a pretty girl that was a sign, not of your furious rivalry, but of your budding attraction to her. Her feelings for Diana were far from chaste. She had imagined all sorts of stuff happening between them but that didn't mean she was prepared to wake up naked next to her with no memory of how they got there.

This isn't how this was supposed to happen! Sure, Akko tended to jump into things without thinking, but her quest for the Seven Words of Arcturus had ingrained at least a modicum of patience into her head, and this was one thing she didn't want to mess up because of her own thoughtlessness. She hadn't had a clear plan of how to confess her feelings to Diana, but she had at least wanted to go on a date with her before having sex with her .

The most troubling thing was that she couldn't for the life of her remember how it happened.

She wracked her brain for something she could latch onto, some trace of memory that would enlighten her to the circumstances which had led to her current situation. She looked around frantically for some sort of clue, her gaze settling on a digital watch resting on the bedside table.

Upon checking the watch's face, Akko discovered the date was June 26th. That's the day after my birthday! she realized. Prompted by this information, a slow stream dripped from the faulty faucet of her memory: a modest birthday party at Luna Nova, she and her friends travelling by broom to Blytonbury, throwing back drinks in some cozy tavern, Diana leaning over her, her face softening as she leaned in closer and closer, their bare skin touching...

Diana stirred again, mumbling as she drifted closer from sleep to wakefulness.

Akko was shaken from her reverie and jerked back in surprise, tumbling over the edge of the bed and onto the floor. Diana murmured again. Surely she was about to wake up, and Akko's poor little gay heart wasn't ready for that. Her fight-or-flight response flared up, and she wasn't exactly going to try fighting Diana in the nude. She wasn't able to run away without her clothes either (her panicked brain had thrown out the idea of sticking around to find them) but there was a solution to that too.

Next to her watch was a wand—the familiar scuff marks distinguished it as her own. She snatched it up and magicked herself an outfit.

"Metamorphie Vestesse!" she said in a hushed voice.

The results were... less than ideal. She was now dressed as a nun. Apparently that's what happens when you let thoughts of your own sexual impropriety distract you from your spell-casting.

"Come on!" she said. She was in her third year at Luna Nova; why was she still having trouble with such a simple spell?

Unfortunately for Akko, she didn't have time for a second attempt. Diana was moments away from waking up.

Rather than face the reality of what had happened last night, Akko turned tail and fled. Obviously she couldn't run forever, but that was future Akko's problem. Present Akko was getting the hell out of dodge.

"It's not funny!" Akko insisted for the third time.

"Actually, it's pretty damn hilarious," Amanda said. "A nun outfit really?"

"I didn't have a lot of choice, okay!" After hightailing back to Luna Nova, she tried to sneak into the west dormitory without being seen. Her attempt was slightly less than successful; Amanda heard her clunking through the hallway and laughed loud enough to wake up the entire floor. Akko only had just enough time to slip into her uniform before Amanda busted in her dorm.

"Don't make a habit of it," Sucy cackled.

Akko ignored the pun. "Shouldn't all of you be going to breakfast?"

Lotte perked up in agreement, but Amanda cut in, "No way. I want the details."

"What details?" Akko started visibly sweating.

"You know what I mean."

Akko pouted. "No I don't. I don't have a clue."

"What else is new," Sucy quipped.

Lotte frowned. "You don't remember anything, do you?"

"By the nines." Amanda could barely contain her glee. "Alright then, here's the tl;dr: we rounded off your birthday party by hitting up a bar. You put away so many drinks I'm surprised you still remember your own name. Honestly, I'm impressed."

"What happened after that!" Akko hoped no one else noticed the pitch of her voice raising by an octave.

Lotte opened her mouth to answer, but Sucy interrupted her with a sleeve over her mouth. "I'm getting hungry. Let's go eat." Without further ado, Sucy dragged Lotte off to the cafeteria.

Akko was understandably suspicious. "What was Lotte going to say?"

"Never mind that," Amanda said. "Tell me, what do you remember?"

Despite her suspicions, Akko told Amanda about waking up mostly naked next to Diana, in what she later learned was a hotel room. She didn't explicitly say that the two of them had sex, but Amanda didn't need things spelled out for her.

"So you just booked it out of there?" Amanda stifled a snicker. "Before she even woke up? Damn, Akko. That's ice cold."

"Hey!" Akko turned bright red. "I'm so sorry I don't know all the manners. I'm sorry they don't have classes here about one night stands!"

"A one night stand, huh?" Amanda raised an eyebrow. "You mean you and Cavendish aren't a thing now? Haven't you had the hots for her for, like, forever?"

That gave Akko pause. She hadn't thought of that. What exactly was her relationship with Diana now? She could have proposed (a not unlikely possibility given the drinking) and she wouldn't have remembered. "I dunno," she said.

On that subject, Akko suddenly realized that the fact the two of them had shared a bed meant that she had somehow figured out the right thing to say to Diana to get her feelings across and her desires fulfilled.

"I guess I did it!" she said, inflating with joy. "I finally did it!"

"Or maybe Cavendish did it," Amanda suggested. "And then she did you."

Akko's mouth drooped open like a fish's. Diana taking the lead and winning her over instead? It could be reasonably assumed that Diana harboured feelings for her, given what they had done. It was possible that Diana had made the first move. But Akko refused to believe that. There's no way she would be the one who was confessed to after all her worrying over it.

"No way did I lose to Diana," she said, crossing her arms. "I totally romanced the heck out of her, not the other way around."

Amanda smirked. "Are you sure about that?"

Two short knocks at the door, prim and proper.

"Maybe that's Cavendish," Amanda said, a sly grin spreading across her face. "We can ask her how it happened."

Akko rolled her eyes and yelled at the visitor to come in.

To her horror, the door opened to reveal Diana. She was carrying a stack of folded clothes Akko recognized as her cutest outfit, the one she'd worn the day before.

"Good morning, Akko." Diana ignored Amanda's presence. "You left in such a hurry that you appear to have forgotten your clothes." She gave Akko a slight smile. "I admit my imagination has been running wild as to how you made it back to school without them."

Akko squeaked. "D-D-Diana!?!?" Is that flirting? she thought. Is she flirting with me right now? In front of Amanda? Diana Cavendish?

When Akko didn't take the clothes from her, Diana elected to set them down on the bed next to her. "I shouldn't have to remind you two that it's breakfast time and you should hurry along to the cafeteria," she said sternly. Her voice softened when she addressed Akko again. "I'll see you later."

Akko was too overcome by capital-F Feelings to respond. Diana left the room, but thoughts of her lingered in her place. She wasn't embarrassed at all! She acted just like normal! Well, the possible flirtation was a change, but a pleasant one.

"Wow," Amanda said. "Cavendish wants to eat your breakfast burrito, if you know what I mean."

"SH-SHUT UP!" Akko couldn't handle even the thought of that right now.

Amanda laughed. "Looks like she got a taste for it and wants more."

"No way that happened!"

"How can you be sure?" Amanda poked Akko's forehead. "You don't remember shit, remember? For all you know, you dorks could've bonked each other so long you ran out of ways to do it."

Akko didn't need her memories to know that didn't happen. But besides that, she couldn't be sure. Left to her own devices, the previous night would remain a mystery. There was only one thing she could ask if she wanted to know the truth...

Diana had found the previous night's events overwhelming, to say the least. Leave it to Amanda O'Neill to turn a simple birthday party into a fiasco. But it was what Akko wanted, and Diana was loathe to deprive her dear friend of the things she wanted.

Nevertheless, Diana was exhausted. By the time classes ended, she was ready to collapse. She was usually strict in her sleep schedule, but she actually considered taking a nap before dinner. Then again, she thought, last night hardly conformed to my regular sleeping habits.

She committed to the nap, changing into her robe and readying herself for bed. She was about to lie down when there was a knock at the door. A repetitive, nervous knock.

Diana smiled, recognizing the sound. She practically skipped over to the door. Sure enough, her visitor was Akko.

The brunette looked down at her feet as she shuffled them in place. "Hey, Diana? Can I talk to you?"

"Certainly." She welcomed Akko into her room with a sweep of her arm.

Akko peered around as they walked to Diana's section of the room. "Where are Hannah and Barbara?" she asked.

"Relaxing elsewhere with the Purple Team," Diana replied. "I was about to go to sleep myself." She was tempted to invite Akko to join her, but Akko was looking tense enough already.

"Oh," Akko said in a small voice. "I won't bother you then."

"Don't be absurd." Diana sat down on her bed and looked at Akko expectantly. "Tell me what's on your mind."

Akko's cheeks turned a delicate shade of pink. She mumbled out a weak protest, but ultimately sat down next to Diana. Her head moved slightly as her gaze flickered back and forth between her own lap and Diana's face. Diana wasn't sure if she found Akko's behaviour perplexing or endearing.

"I wanted to talk about last night," Akko said at last.

Diana suspected as much. The night of Akko's eighteenth birthday had been eventful, to be sure. No doubt Akko needed a few blanks filled in for her. "Is there anything specific you wanted to discuss?"

Akko's face went from soft pink to bright red. Obviously she did have something in mind, but she was reticent on the nature of her inquiry. Most intriguing. "Well... um... I'm a little fuzzy about, y'know, everything that happened last night?"

"That's understandable," Diana said, nodding. "You were the most inebriated person I've ever seen." To her credit, Diana had done her best to keep alcohol out of the birthday girl's hand after the seventh drink, but even drunkenness couldn't dampen Akko's fiery determination. She had half-climbed over Diana in an attempt to get back to the bar, and when that didn't work she tried to snatch Diana's wineglass out of her hand. When Diana downed the wine as a solution, Akko tried to drink it out of her mouth. Her face warmed at the memory.

She cleared her throat. "I can assure you that things didn't get too far out of hand. Not that O'Neill didn't try to throw the proceedings into chaos." Come to think of it, that delinquent had probably been taking advantage of the gaps in Akko's memory to plant seeds for all sorts of misunderstandings.

"Oh." Akko chewed at her lip as she contemplated Diana's response. "Um, what counts as not 'out of hand' to you? Just out of curiosity?"

Diana could tell that Akko was fishing for information, but she couldn't imagine what that might be and why her friend wasn't being straightforward with her. Akko rarely played coy about what she wanted. Does she not trust me? Diana wondered. She would've thought the two of them were past this by now.

"The most embarrassing thing that happened in public was Amanda dancing on our table at the bar," Diana answered, choosing her words carefully. "Amanda promised to do a, pardon me, 'striptease' for the birthday girl. Thank the Nine Olde Witches that she was too drunk to take off her clothes successfully."

Akko had frowned when Diana used the phrase "in public." She'd opened her mouth to say something but let out a chuckle instead when Amanda's striptease was mentioned. "I think I remember some of that. You chewed her out big time." She chuckled again.

"I did not 'chew her out,' I disciplined her," Diana said. "What do you recall happening after that?"

"I kinda remember leaving the bar." Akko blushed and squirmed in place, rustling the sheets. This was something different from her usual fidgeting. Nothing short of a petrification spell could keep Akko still for long, but this was something altogether different. She was skittish, like a rabbit ready to make its escape. Almost as if she expected Diana was going to try to eat her.

Diana hesitated. "...do you remember anything after that?"

Steam billowed from Akko's ears. "No!" she yelped. "I mean, no, I don't remember a lot. Just parts. Certain parts. The embarrassing parts."

"The embarrassing parts?" That explained a lot. What Akko had done the previous night had certainly been out of the ordinary, but Diana didn't think any less of her. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Akko."

"Nothing to be embarrassed about!?" Akko squeaked. "Waking up next your cru—best friend in a hotel room isn't embarrassing? What planet are you from?" She huffed. "How did we even end up in a hotel anyway?"

"You were in such a state that it was the only thing to done," Diana said. "If I'm being perfectly honest, I needed it as well."

"You needed it too?" Akko's eyes bugged out of her head. "Oh. Wow. That's, uh, whew . Really something." The alarm faded from her eyes to be replaced with heavy-lidded bashfulness. "So, how was it for you?"

Something about Akko's demeanour felt off to Diana, but she ignored the feeling and answered regardless. "I suppose it was a little messy." Certainly not how she expected to spend her first night together with Akko. "It's something that happens to everyone at some point, I'd imagine."

"Messy!?" Akko took Diana's hands in her own. "Did I do something weird? Oh man, I can't believe I screwed up something so important. And I can't even remember it! Way to go, Akko!"

Diana had no earthly idea what Akko was talking about. She searched her friend's face for some sort of clue. Nothing that happened the night of Akko's birthday merited such a response. Surely she wasn't talking about...

"There appears to have been a misunderstanding," she said at last. "I overestimated how much you recalled of the events of last night. I didn't want to unnecessarily bring up such things, but it's preferable to you not remembering what happened."

Without further ado, Diana told Akko what had happened the night she turned eighteen.

Chapter Text

The previous night...

Akko and her friends left the bar some time after midnight. The birthday girl hadn't wanted to leave, but Diana had given her little choice, putting an arm around her and practically dragging her outside. Disappointed but determined to make the best of her situation, Akko cozied up to Diana.

"Looks like Akko's a cuddly drunk," Amanda noted. The rest of the girls were ahead by a noticeable distance due to the difficulty of escorting Akko, but Amanda had lagged behind to harass Diana.

"Of all the possibilities, this is preferable," Diana said. "At least she's keeping her clothes on."

Amanda laughed. "It's 'preferable,' huh? Admit it. You're loving this."

At that moment Akko started nuzzling Diana's neck. Diana blushed, but she kept her cool. "I have no strong feelings about this."

"Liar, liar, skirt on fire. If I tried pulling that, you'd curse me into next week."

"That's because you have fleas, O'Neill. I'm enduring this behaviour from Akko because she's intoxicated and I need to get her home."

"So cold!" Akko whined. "Don't you love me?" She twirled her fingers through Diana's hair.

"Are you telling me you wouldn't let her do it sober?" Amanda smirked. "Tell you what, Cavendish, I can take her off your hands. Then you don't have to put up with her."

Diana tightened her grip on Akko, eliciting a giggle from the drunk girl ("That tickles!").

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of Akko on my own, thank you very much."

Amanda snorted. "More like you want an excuse to get all cuddly with her. I bet you're looking forward to the broom ride back when she'll be clinging to you 'for safety.'"

Diana frowned and looked Akko over. "Now that you mention it, I don't know how to get Akko to stay on a broom the way she is now." She had forgotten that part of the upcoming journey home. Though she was a skilled enough flyer to compensate for her own tipsiness, she wasn't sure she could keep a drunken Akko on her broom as well.

"Don't worry, Diana," Akko mumbled. "I'm a super awesome flyer. I could fly my broom upside if I wanted." No doubt she would anyway. Diana doubted the girl could even tell one end of the broom from the other.

Diana made a decision. She stopped walking. "Akko and I will not be returning home by broom. It isn't safe. We'll have to find somewhere to stay in town. I think there's a hotel nearby."

"Yay!" Akko cheered. "Sleepover! I wanna sleepover with Diana!" She giggled. "Are we going to play spin the bottle?" She made a kissy face at Diana, who squeaked and held her away at arm's length.

"I know what you're really going to do," Amanda said, smirking salaciously. "Hint: it starts with an 'f.'"

Diana glared at Amanda in disgust rather than embarrassment. "We most certainly are not. Akko is barely in a fit state to stand on her own, much less consent to sex ."

"I know that. What do you take me for? I'm saying you're gonna get her alone and wait, and once she's sober enough to know what she's doing..." Amanda made scissor shapes with her fingers and proceeded to mash them together.

"Never before has the concept of sexual intercourse seemed less appealing."

"Sex!" Akko gasped. "Diana, you're dirty! Dirty Diana! Dirty Diana!"

'Dirty Diana' gave Amanda a 'look what you've done' glare and grabbed Akko by the hand. "Return to the school with the others and keep quiet about this. Akko and I should be able to return in time for classes, but we don't need you saying anything unnecessary." Even while tipsy, Diana prioritized her reputation as a good student.

"Don't worry," Amanda said, winking obnoxiously. "I'm not a cop. I won't tell anyone about your secret rendezvous with your girlfriend."

"I'm Diana's girlfriend?!" Akko clung to Diana again. "This is the best birthday ever!"

Amanda cackled and jogged off to catch up with the others, leaving Diana to the fate of dealing with the affectionate drunk girl. Although she was tempted to call the troublemaker back and force her to cope with the consequences of her encouraging Akko to drink, in all likelihood the pair would only get up to more trouble.

Diana walked Akko through town and checked the pair of them into a hotel, making apologies for her companion after each of her uninhibited comments. They found their room and Diana hurried her inside before she could say anything too embarrassing.

Her relief was premature.

"Wow, Diana." Akko whistled, or at least tried to. "Only one bed? You're so bold, Diana!"

Naturally the choice in hotel rooms was limited this late at night; a room with one double bed was the only option left. Not that Diana minded. After all, there was nothing scandalous about two friends sharing a bed. Even when one of them was secretly in love with the friend who was being outrageously flirtatious with her out of drunkenness and wouldn't remember it in the morning.

Nothing scandalous about that at all. Nothing frustrating about it either.

"Don't make a fuss," she said, pretending not to understand what Akko meant. "There's more than enough room for both of us." She tried to sit Akko down, but the drunk girl kept trying to use their proximity to try to cuddle her.

What's gotten into her? Diana wondered. Besides an obscene amount of alcohol, obviously. It wasn't surprising that the typically over-affectionate Akko would have even less regard for personal space when drunk, but this was on an entirely different level. She certainly had been clingy all night, but only toward Diana. It was as if she only had eyes—or hands, as it were—for her. Diana wasn't in any way uncomfortable with the attention, but she wished that Akko was even half this daring when she was sober...

"Let's get you into bed so you can sleep this off," Diana said sternly, hoping that her harsher tone would penetrate Akko's stupor.

No such luck. "If you want to do that at least buy me a drink first." Akko winked.

"I already bought you drinks." Far too many, obviously.

"Oh, right." Akko went limp and flopped on to the hotel bed. "You can do whatever you want with me then."

Diana's desires oscillated between wanting to tuck Akko in with a kiss on her forehead and smothering her with a pillow. "Go to sleep, you beautiful moron."

"Wait," Akko said, shooting upright again and reaching for Diana. "I feel icky."

"That's what happens when you drink your own weight in liquor," Diana said. As much as she loved Akko, her patience was wearing thin.

"No really." Akko groaned. "I feel really icky. Like my insides are trying to be outsides." She leaned over and groaned again. She groaned so hard the contents of her stomach splattered all over the two girl's clothes.

Well, Diana thought, this might as well happen.

Akko ought to have been commended for keeping down all that alcohol and bar food for as long as she had. A lesser woman would've passed out before now. But even Akko's body had its limits. She had ignored those limits and now Diana had to deal with the results.

"Atsuko Kagari, how much longer am I going to have to clean up your messes?"

"S-s-s-s-sorry," Akko whimpered, still not having recovered from her diluvian disaster.

"Who am I attempting to fool?" Diana might as well be speaking to the air, seeing as Akko wouldn't remember what she had to say. "I'd happily clean up your messes for the rest of your life."

Akko giggled. "That's gay."

"Indeed. Now take your clothes off."

If Akko remembered any of this, Diana was fully prepared to move to Antarctica.

Akko tried to do as she was told, but like Amanda earlier that night, her alcohol-affected dexterity wasn't up to the task of freeing herself from her own clothes, so Diana was put in the (un)enviable position of doing it for her. She pulled Akko into the bathroom, handed her a glass of water to clean her mouth, and when she was done Diana went to work.

It should go without saying that Akko didn't go without a fight. Thankfully she had given up trying to cling to Diana (they didn't need an even bigger mess), but getting her out of dirty clothes was a Herculean labour. Akko wriggled like a Pappiliodya larva, citing her ticklish spots as the reason. She seemed to find the whole situation hilarious, joking the whole time. Diana eventually wrestled her shirt over her head only to be forced to endure Akko's lewd comments as she pulled her shorts down her legs. By the time she was finished, Diana was seriously questioning why she loved this woman after all.

Then she caught a glimpse of her beloved half-naked and remembered one of the reasons.

Diana quickly averted her gaze. "Try not to get into any more trouble," she said. She sent Akko back to main room and put Akko's vomit-covered clothes in the bathtub before stripping out of her own clothes. Diana blushed in anticipation of her return to the bedroom. These were hardly the circumstances under which she wanted to reveal this much of her body to Akko, but then again she was unlikely to remember anything she saw at this point. Diana wasn't sure if she was relieved or annoyed.

Either way, the other woman would likely be asleep by the time she was done cleaning their clothes. But first Diana needed to make sure there was nothing in them that would suffer from getting wet. She emptied Akko's pockets and found her wand. Diana stared at it dumbfounded for half a minute. I could've used magic to clean our clothes, she realized with horror. There was no need for either of us to strip down. The alcohol in her system had clouded her thinking, hiding the obvious solution to the problem. It wasn't often that Diana had reason to beat herself up over a mistake, but this oversight had her digging a shallow grave for herself.

As if this night couldn't get any more embarrassing, she thought. Her only consolation was that the explanation could wait until morning. It had been difficult enough to get Akko out of her clothes; there would be no getting her back into them tonight.

Diana sighed deeply and magicked the sick from their clothes. She fished them out of the bathtub and folded each garment neatly. After a moment's consideration she took off her bra and added it to the stack, reasoning that it would be uncomfortable to sleep in, regardless of how embarrassing the additional nudity would be. In for a penny, in for a pound, she thought.

Akko seemed to have had the same idea. The second Diana stepped out of the bathroom, she heaved her own bra in Diana's face.

"There's a birthday present from me!" Akko laughed loudly.

Diana didn't have the energy to explain what was wrong with that. "I have a glass of water for you to drink to help with your no doubt inevitable hangover," she said, placing the glass on the bedside table. "You'll thank me tomorrow."

"You're a glass of water," Akko mumbled, rocking back and forth on the bed. "A tall glass of water." She giggled. "I can thank you tonight too." She intercepted Diana's hand and held it to her face, kissing her palm.

Diana froze. Being hit on by Akko was devastating enough to her heart rate; unrestrained physical affection was liable to put her in the hospital. She hastily retrieved her hand before she could be seduced any further.

"You're being difficult," Akko whined. "Why can't you be my birthday present?"

"Because I come with an atrocious list of responsibilities," Diana answered, speaking of herself as one might of a troublesome pet. If only the obligations of the head of House of Cavendish were so trivial. "I would make a terrible gift."

"But I want you, Diana!"

Those words struck Diana's heart like Cupid's arrow, piercing it mercilessly and poisoning the flesh. Of all the scenarios for Akko to be confessing such a thing, this was quite possibly the worst. Akko was too intoxicated for her words to be trusted or for Diana to act on them.

But Akko wasn't about to let that stop her.

"Lemme prove it!"

She made a lunge for Diana and caught her around the waist. The contact set Diana's nerves on fire. The sheer amount of direct contact was too much for her to bear. She desperately squirmed to break Akko's grip, but to no avail.

Akko found Diana's attempts to escape amusing. "You're all mine now!" She laid a kiss on Diana's stomach. Well, less of a kiss and more of a raspberry.

"Atsuko!" Diana yelped. "Let me go!" If a more tantalizing torture had been devised, Diana had yet to hear of it.

The use of her proper given name gave Akko pause. Her arms loosened and Diana broke free. She scurried away to the other side of the bed where she eyed her former captor apprehensively.

"Diana, do you hate me?" Akko asked, her lip wobbling.

"Of course not, Akko," Diana said with an uneven voice. She was still recovering from her momentary captivity. "It's just that... this behaviour is unbefitting of our current situation."

Akko blinked several times. "You don't want to fool around with me?"

No , Diana wanted to say. I want to be serious when I engage in such acts with you. Instead, she chose the more diplomatic route. "You're too drunk for that. It's time to sleep, Akko."

Akko pondered that. "Can we fool around tomorrow?"

Diana made a sound like a lawnmower going over a huge rock. "If that's what you want." She was confident that Akko wouldn't remember the promise, nor would she act on it in her normal state.

"Okay!" Akko's grin was like the sunrise, bright and beautiful. "I'm gonna... gonna... hold you to that..." She yawned.

"You do that," Diana said. "Now drink that water before you fall asleep."

Akko did as she was told, downing the glass in one go. She yawned again and snuggled up under the covers. Diana did the same, keeping an anxious eye on Akko, expecting her to try to cling to her again. But Akko appeared to be too tired to try anything else tonight.

"Diana," Akko mumbled. "You're the best. No, the bestest. I love you." Her eyelids fluttered, either from exhaustion or shyness. "Do you love me too?"

"More than anyone else in the world." How easily the words left her lips when she knew Akko wouldn't remember them. If only she were this confident under normal circumstances. She might've claimed Akko's heart long before now. At the very least, Akko would be aware of her feelings. Diana knew that Akko cared for her dearly, but she had yet to test the depths of her affection. It was too much to hope for that Akko's inebriated ramblings could be taken to heart. At most, they indicated feelings that Akko herself had yet to acknowledge. Diana wouldn't herself be discouraged. After all, Diana was not in the habit of capitulating, and the only person who had ever bested her was none other than her sweetheart. If it came down to it, she wouldn't mind losing to Akko in a battle of love.

Naturally Diana glossed over some of the more embarrassing details for both their sakes, and she certainly didn't elaborate on her inner, flagrantly sapphic thoughts. Akko was hardly privy to that missing information, but her imagination was wild enough to approximate the truth. Her face grew redder and hotter with each tidbit Diana shared about the night she turned eighteen.

"So, nothing happened last night. I threw up on you and you had to deal with it."

"In summary, yes." Diana shook her head. "The way you were acting, I assumed you remembered as much." She smiled sympathetically. "There's no need to be so embarrassed, Akko. Things like this happen sometimes."

Be that as it may, learning about what had actually happened and the wide gulf between reality and her assumptions had Akko seriously freaking out . Not only had she done nothing about her feelings for Diana, she had done what might be the complete opposite. No way was Diana going to be up for doing anything with her now. Not even Akko had enough luck to salvage throwing up on her crush.

"Yeah, uh, things happen." Not the things Akko would've liked. "That's just, um, not what I expected."

Confusion crossed over Diana's face. "I thought you didn't remember anything? What did you think was so embarrassing?"

Akko gulped. Rather than admit what had been going on in her dirty mind, she started planning an exit strategy. "It's nothing. Really. Now that we cleared that up I'll let you get to your nap—"

Diana, who had been holding Akko's hands this whole time, gave them a reassuring squeeze. "Akko, what exactly did you think happened last night?"

For the first time in a long time, Akko wanted to be as far away from Diana as possible. Preferably as far as Japan. "Um, well, you know... Look, we woke up next to each other naked! What was I supposed to think?"

Bless her heart, it took Diana a moment to realize what Akko was alluding to. Her face contorted in protest. "I would never do anything of the sort! Honestly I'm appalled you would think such a thing of me."

"What? Am I not good enough for you?"

"Th-that's entirely beside the point!" Diana spluttered. "As I told Amanda, and related to you, you were far too drunk to consent. What do you take me for? Just because I'm a member of the nobility doesn't mean I'm pillaging the local maidens of their virtue under the auspices of primae noctis !"

"I didn't call you a primma donna or whatever," Akko scoffed. "I made a mistake. Don't blame me for jumping to conclusions!"

"I'll concede that you did the best you could with the information available, but I'll thank you not to impugn my honour with slanderous accusations. Honestly."

Once Diana's initial indignation was assuaged, it gave way to a conflagration of embarrassment to rival Akko's as she started to grapple with the idea of the two of them having sex. She finally let go of Akko's hands, withdrawing her own as if scalded. "Why on earth would you assume the two of us had sex!?"

Because I want to have sex with you, Akko thought. "Why not? We're both beautiful witches! Things happen!"

"What sort of answer is that? Why is that the first thing you thought of?"

"Well for one thing you took my clothes off!"

"Because you vomited all over them!"

"And you forgot about magic? 'Most talented witch of her generation' my ass!"

"Are you accusing me of something?"

"Yeah! I'm accusing you of being a blockhead who plays with the hearts of innocent young maidens!"

Diana rolled her eyes. "What an exemplary case of the pot calling the kettle black. After the way you carried on last night..." She trailed off as she realized she'd let something slip.

Akko's heart jumped into her throat. "You said nothing happened!"

"Nothing did happen." Diana made an attempt at backtracking that resembled an eighteen-wheeler reversing through a plate glass window. "You were a little flirtatious... and a little clingy... but it was before we went to the hotel... actually it happened at the hotel too... and after our clothes were off...." Regret etched itself in her expression with each and every word she let slip. "But I neglected to mention it because you were clearly only acting that way because of the alcohol, and I didn't to make things awkward between us."

So much for that, 'cause things sure are awkward as hell now, Akko thought. She could safely assume what her drunk self had gotten up to. "I wish I could blame it all on the alcohol."

"Pardon?"

"Oh shit, I said that part out loud, didn't I?"

Diana's expression told her that she most certainly did. "Akko, do you... earlier you suggested that I was playing with your heart... do you have feelings for me?"

"I um... well.... what did you mean, pot calling the kettle black?" Akko chuckled nervously. "That kinda makes it sound like you like me."

"I wouldn't disagree with that assessment," Diana said.

They stared at each other in disbelief. Did Diana just say she likes me? Akko thought. She likes me back? She was sure that Diana was wondering the same.

Diana had calmed down, the flushing in her face reduced to a rosy glow in her cheeks. Was it relief? "If you like me, then... earlier when you thought we... did  you want something to happen between us?" She sounded... hopeful?

"Well... um... yes. But not like that! I was surprised when I woke up, and I thought we did it but I didn't remember it, and that made me all anxious and I left because you were waking up and I didn't know how to face you. I wanted it to be special."

"I share that sentiment," Diana said. "It would be a tragedy if our first time faded into obscurity in our memory, guided only by drunken desire."

"Well, haha, I'm sober now." Akko scratched at the back of her neck.

"So you are."

A stillness fell over the pair, a silent contemplation of what had happened and could happen. They had confessed their feelings and now they were incapacitated by the raw potential of thousands of possible routes they could take. Sexual tension thickened the air until neither of them could move.

"What do we do now?" It felt like something had to happen now, but Akko didn't know what.

Diana cleared her throat. "You probably don't remember, but last night you asked me if we could 'fool around' tomorrow after I turned you down. Suspecting that you were too drunk to remember my response, I promised we could if you wanted to."

"Oh." Permission to fool around. Wow . "Should we kiss?"

"That certainly is an option."

Akko twitched. "So, like, is that a yes, or...?"

Diana smiled. "How is this for a yes?" She grasped Akko by the shoulders and pulled her in for a kiss. Their first. The tension in the air dissolved into a haze of euphoria.

A gasp escaped Akko's lips as Diana drew back. "Uh, I didn't catch that, could you do it again?"

"Very well, but only because I love you." Diana smiled briefly before going back in for another kiss.

The second kiss was more fervent than the first. Diana took Akko's face in her hands to pull her in closer. Akko answered by running her fingers through Diana's hair. They deepened the kiss, sinking into each other.

They pulled apart to catch their breath. "Did that get through?" Diana grinned, hair slightly out of place. The sight of the prim and proper girl dishevelled was unspeakable sexy.

"Not yet," Akko giggled. "I'm a slow learner."

"I suppose I'll have to tutor you then." Diana tucked her wayward tresses behind her ear. Also very sexy. "You're going to have to see me after class until you've got this down." 

Akko bit her lip. "Yes, ma'am." She practically threw herself back into the kiss, nearly bowling Diana over in her enthusiasm. The mattress springs creaked as they shifted their weight, Akko leaning over Diana as she reclined against the bed.

Diana's hands rolled over Akko's shoulders and moved down her back, clutching at her uniform and pulling her closer. As if Akko needed the encouragement. She cradled Diana's face in her hands, kissing her relentlessly as she pressed their bodies together. The temptation to make a joke about becoming the new top student was tremendous, but she didn't want to ruin the moment.

Instead, she slipped Diana some tongue, which was better received judging, by the way her hands started messing up Akko's hair. Akko did the same to Diana in turn and messed up her robe too for good measure. Her hands wanted to explore—she always was the curious type.

"Just a moment." Diana gently pushed against Akko, who allowed herself to be eased back into an upright position, straddling her partner's hips.

Diana played with the edge of her robe. "I don't think it's fair that, while I am in such a state of undress, you're still fully clothed."

"Oh! You're right." Akko grinned. "Do you wanna watch me strip?"

"It would please me immensely."

First, she undid the ribbon around her neck, letting it slip through her fingers and onto the bed. Next, she undid the buttons on her vest and shrugged it off. She raised her hands to the top button on her shirt...

"Wait," Diana said. "Slower this time."

"You really like bossing me around, huh?" Akko said as she popped the first button. "As expected of an aristocrat."

Usually she would shuck off her shirt in an instant when she changed her clothes, but now she needed to put on a show—Akko loved an excuse to show off. She took her time as she unfastened each button with care, pulling the fabric aside with her fingers after every button, gradually opening her shirt more and more. Diana bit her lip as she watched, every additional sliver of exposed skin adding to her palpable excitement. Their eyes met, and the smile she gave Akko sent a surge of hormones rushing through her veins. By the nines, Akko thought. I'm so in love with this woman.

"You can keep the skirt on for now," Diana said once Akko discarded her shirt. "I can't wait any longer."

"If you say so~"

Akko lowered herself back down onto Diana, their embrace heating up with the warmth of skin against skin. She fell back into the kiss with reckless abandon, overwhelmed by all the new sensations. At some point she realized her bra had gone missing and she hadn't even noticed. Diana's hands were moving all over her body, but she couldn't keep track of them. Or her own for that matter. Without even realizing what she was doing, she slipped her hands under Diana's robe, running her fingertips over what she found there.

Diana moaned against Akko's mouth.

"Was that okay?" Akko pulled back.

"Yes," Diana said, her face flushed. "Although I must admit I didn't anticipate that we would go this far."

"Me neither." If they went any further... "Do you want to stop?"

"No. Shall we... cross the threshold together?"

"Uh, what about Hannah and Barbara?"

Diana raised an eyebrow. "I'm not sure I'm interested in having them join us."

Akko made a flustered, strangled noise. "Not that! I meant, aren't they coming back soon?"

"Since when does Akko Kagari worry about being caught red-handed?" Diana purred. "Where's your sense of adventure?"

"I don't mind a little adventure as long as there's some treasure at the end of it." Akko leaned in and kissed Diana's neck. "None here. Or here," she said as she moved down to her collarbones. She murmured the same phrase against Diana's skin after every press of her lips, kissing lower and lower. In anticipation of what came next, Diana unfastened her robe, and Akko's hands deftly removed the only obstruction in her way.

Her journey downward continued until her face was between Diana's legs. "There it is," she said.

And she kept kissing.

Diana's entire body shivered, her legs tensing under Akko's touch. Though she only knew what to do at a theoretical level (Amanda's dirty jokes were surprisingly educational), Akko didn't let her inexperience get in the way. She compensated with enthusiasm and endurance, encouraged by all the unimaginable sounds her partner made. When Diana's entire body shook and she had to bite her finger to keep herself from crying out, Akko considered her mission accomplished.

No sooner had Akko sat up than she found herself pulled back into another desperate, hungry kiss.

"I take it I did a good job then," Akko joked.

"Very much so," Diana said, "and I'd be pleased if you allowed me to return the favour."

"Hit me with your best shot!"

So Diana did. She pulled Akko into her lap, taking her lips yet again. One hand snaked through Akko's hair, while the other slipped under Akko's skirt. Her fingers briefly teased Akko before sinking into her sensitive centre.

Akko felt so good she almost passed out. If it weren't for her tight grip on Diana's shoulders, she might have fallen over from sheer ecstasy. As expected of a genius, she thought. When they were done she'd have to ask Diana where she learned how to do this—if she remembered. Her brain had flat-out stopped working. With her eyes screwed shut, she could've been taken back to outer space again and she wouldn't have noticed. All she could feel was Diana, all she needed was Diana.

There was only so much Akko's body could take before becoming undone. Her body shook and shuddered and when it was over she collapsed onto the bed, Diana quickly following suit. They lay next to each other, breathing hard as they waited to recover.

"That was amazing," Akko gasped.

"It most certainly was."

"You're amazing."

"And you as well." Diana turned on her side to face Akko. "Would I be mistaken in assuming that I'm your girlfriend now?"

Akko mirrored her. "Darn right you are. You have to take responsibility for... what did you say? 'Pillaging my virtue'?"

Diana rolled her eyes. "Crude. I was speaking more to our mutual feelings." She smiled as Akko giggled at her reaction. "We should get down to dinner. Our classmates will be suspicious if we don't make an appearance." Everyone knew that Akko would never miss a meal on purpose, and Diana followed the student schedule to the letter.

"What? But I just ate."

"Oh, Akko."

Akko and Diana arrived at the cafeteria in time for dinner, walking hand in hand, and they were positively glowing. The Red, Green, and Blue Teams were already seated at three nearby tables, deep in discussion about what was keeping Diana and Akko, specifically what was keeping them together. They certainly were in for a treat.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Amanda said, smirking at the sight of the two of them holding hands. "What are you two so happy about? You two fuck or something?"

"As a matter of fact," Diana said, "we did."

"I know, I know, you would never—wait, what the fuck!?" Amanda almost fell out of her chair.

"Excuse me!?" Hannah and Barbara blurted in unison.

"Finally," Sucy snickered. Lotte was too embarrassed to say anything, and the responses from Jasminka and Costanze were negligible as usual.

"What—why—how?" For someone who constantly made jokes about Akko and Diana having sex, she was comically unprepared for it actually happening. She had teased the two of them about it for so long that she had forgotten it was actually possible.

"I'll see you after dinner, love." Diana kissed Akko's hand before they parted for their own tables.

Akko giggled as she sat down. "She called me 'love.'"

"So romantic," Lotte swooned.

"Ew, L-O-L," Sucy cackled.

Hannah and Barbara wasted no time in pestering Diana for details. Luckily for the other girls, she declined to divulge such details at the dinner table.

It was a wonder why Diana and Akko bothered to show up to dinner in the first place, given that they were ignoring their plates in favour of mooning over each other from across the tables.

Amanda was caught in the crossfire. "Yuck, I'm going to throw up," she groaned. "This is so sickly sweet I'm gonna need to skip dessert for a week."

"If I knew you had such delicate sensibilities, I wouldn't have told you," Diana said. "I had no idea you were such a pure girl."

"Delicate sensibilities!? I don't even know what that means!" 

"Jealous that I climbed the stairs of adulthood before you?" Akko teased. "Don't worry, we'll tone it down so we don't upset the poor baby." That of course was a downright lie. She'd be going out of her way to be disgustingly in love with Diana every chance she could get, especially if it would annoy Amanda. Getting a girlfriend was great, but finding a way to get back at her joker of a friend was pretty awesome too. What a wonderful birthday present.