Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“What in the hell were you thinking, Cas?” Dean yelled, not even bothering to wait until Sam was out of hearing range.

“Dean, I thought,” Castiel struggled to explain his motives behind helping Metatron, but the angry hunter wasn’t willing to wait for an answer.

“I mean, it’s bad enough that those Trials damn near killed Sam,” Dean continued, starting to anxiously pace the front room area of April’s apartment, “but then you go and actually die because of some bullshit line Metatron fed you?”

“I thought I would be helping, Dean,” Castiel replied, finally angry enough himself to meet Dean’s level of shouting. “I thought I would be saving everybody by locking Heaven. I had no way of knowing that Metatron was double crossing me the whole time.”

“Even if that dick bag hadn’t been lying the whole time, you were still risking your life,” Dean pointed out, his hands angrily waving in the air doing at least half of his talking by now. “Even if you are apparently a true Winchester now with the dying and coming back deal, if we hadn’t got here when we did, you might’ve bit the permanent big one. I’m not willing to lose you like that.” Dean finally calmed down for that final sentence, giving Castiel a painful pang in his heart at how vulnerable Dean sounded in that moment.

“But you were, and you had April bring me back,” Castiel reminded him, not paying attention at the guilty looking face Dean sported for all of five seconds. “I know you see me as family, Dean, as I do you and Sam, but if I had been able to truly save you and Sam and everybody else, I would have gladly died.” Castiel forced a smile, trying to convince Dean that he fully meant his words. The part where he’d sacrifice his life was completely honest, but being happy about it was definitely a stretch, especially since he still wasn’t entirely used to lying just yet.

“How the hell do you think that would’ve made me feel, though?” Dean asked, sounding as hurt as he looked now.

“Safe, I would assume,” Castiel told him. “And happy that Sam was, as well.” He’d been expecting an emotional reaction from the hunter, since he’d been all but officially included in the extended Winchester clan by now, but he could never have prepared himself from the heartbreak that visibly filled Dean.

“But you’d be dead,” Dean pointed out slowly. “How could I ever feel okay with you dead?”

Castiel paused for a few seconds, trying to figure out if he’d missed something in this conversation. Dean didn’t even look this broken when Sam offered to sacrifice his life, and his little brother was the thing he loved more than anything else that existed.

“You would eventually get over it,” Castiel replied stiffly. He knew that Dean still mourned his lost loved ones, like Ellen and Jo, but he didn’t let it interfere with protecting the world and his current loved ones.

“No, Cas, I wouldn’t,” Dean said softly.

“You would,” Castiel insisted. “In the grand scheme of things, Dean, I’m not really all that important.”

“But you are, damn it!” Dean shouted, grabbing Castiel’s hands in his like it was a lifeline. “You never fucking see that, but you’re super important, Cas.” He squeezed Castiel’s hands in his. “You’re important to me, Cas.”

Castiel tilted his head to the side, confused at Dean’s actions. They seemed too much, almost, too personal, for something like this. “Why?” he asked, “why am I important? I don’t even have my angelic powers any more.” Castiel paused as the truth fully blindsided him. “I’m not even useful to you now, so why am I so important?”

“Because I love you, dumb ass,” Dean said, before gasping in shock at what he’d just said. But before Castiel could figure out a response, or really even think, Dean pulled him closer. “Because I love you, Cas,” he said, as if it were a revelation. His face mirrored that revelation, and practically glowed with happiness. “I don’t want you to die cuz I love you, damn it.”

“Dean, I…” Castiel started to say, though he didn’t know how to finish, or even really start that sentence. But from the expectant, almost hopeful expression on Dean’s face, the angel knew he had to reply somehow. “I… yes, I mean… me too…” Before he could blink, Dean’s mouth was on his, and Castiel knew what to do in return now. He pulled Dean in closer and deepened their kiss.

They jumped apart a few moments later, only because they could hear the Impala’s horn honking all the way from the street.

“Rain check on the rest of that kiss?” Dean asked before they pulled apart completely.

“We need to talk about everything first,” Castiel reminded him, “but yes, afterwards. A rain check.”

Dean pecked a tiny kiss on Castiel’s cheek before heading quickly for the door. “C’mon,” he said, motioning with his head as he held out his hand. “Let’s go home, buddy.”