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Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa.

"This is someone talking"

'This is someone writing'

"This is someone using sign language"

Part I. Knowledge

Fotset, 1902

Her mother has been in the bathroom for a long time.

Lola thinks about knocking but pushes the thought away almost instantly. Her mother doesn't like being interrupted unless it's an absolute emergency.

She sits near the radio, listening to one of her shows. One of the main characters is a woman called 'Selah'. A tall Ishvalan woman who the show paints as 'loud' and 'violent', someone who needs to be stopped every episode by an Amestrian man.

(It isn't until years later when Lola is face to face with a man that has taken everything from her, that she truly realizes how wrong the show was.)

Her stomach starts to growl, as she hugs her knees to her chest. Her mother still has not come out.

She hears something fall in the bathroom, the sound of pills scattering across the floor.

Lola doesn't move, even though she feels as if nails are piercing into her stomach, she stays still. Her mother will come out soon, she tells herself.

(Lola knows what has happened, deep down she does. But, she lies to herself anyways.)

I. The Past Always Comes Back To Bite You

Youswell, 1914

A part of her feels as if she's going to die.

She's low on money, her food and water are done for, and any motivation she's had to keep going has withered away.

Her throat burns, her breaths becoming ragged as she slows down, looking for a place to sit.

Her knees drop to the ground, as she leans back against an old building. She reaches for a cigarette, only to realize she's completely out. Having gone through the entire pack on the rather lonely train ride here.

She's in a mining town. She can tell due to all the workers that go about, carrying numerous tools. It's a quiet area, almost no one even notices her as they walk by.

(There are a few military officers standing guard as well, the sight of them making Lola's skin crawl.)

Her red hair is drenched in sweat, her bangs sticking to her forehead as she tries to think of her next move.

(No trains were running at this hour. She was stranded.)

She's starting to think Wagner had given her false information.

"I have a friend in the East," The man had said, lighting a cigarette. "I can't promise anything, but he might have what you're looking for,"

She had taken a risk coming out this far East. It was too close to-

(Golden eyes, bright smiles, automail scattered across the floor.)

Lola pushed those thoughts away.

"Miss?" Someone calls out to her, their voice slightly frantic. "Are you alright? I've been calling out to you for a while now,"

Lola lifted her head, amber eyes squinting as a bearded man stared down at her. A group of people standing behind him.

"Are you a tourist?" Another voice calls out, a young boy popping out from behind the man. They both have the same eyes, Lola notes, as she feels her head begin to swim.

"Kayal," The man says sternly. "Give her some room,"

Lola smiles up at the man, thanking him silently in her head.

Her vision swims, and she can hear the man calling out to her once again as she slumps over.

When she comes to, she's lying in a bed that isn't hers with no idea where her belongings are.

She swings her feet, wondering if she's been kidnapped or if she's simply having a very weird dream.

(She hopes that she's dreaming. She doesn't have many nice dreams anymore. She doesn't really dream at all.)

The door to her room opens slowly, and a middle-aged woman peaks her head in.

"How are you feeling dear?" The woman asks softly.

Lola presses a hand to her throat, as she pushes herself up. She points at her throat and shakes her head.

The woman tilts her head curiously, as she brings Lola a cup of warm tea.

"Do you have a sore throat?" The woman asks, setting the tea down. Lola simply shakes her head, leaning back once again.

(This was always the hard part-)

She points to her throat once again and makes an X with two of her fingers. The woman stares at her for a few moments, before realization finally fills her eyes.

"You can't speak," The woman finally says, sitting on the edge of the bed. "That-I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure you have a lot of things you must want to say."

Lola simply waves a hand at that, taking the tea gratefully.

"My husband was the one that found you," The woman says, standing up finally as she wipes her hands on her apron. "He said you could barely move. Normally we'd charge you for a night here, but we've decided to make an exception,"

The woman smiles at her, and the action is so maternal that Lola almost wants to hug her.

"We've gathered your things. Whenever you're ready to get them," She says, as she walks towards the door. "My name is Samantha, by the way. Samantha Halling,"

Lola pursed her lips, something twisting in her chest as she forced a smile onto her face.

She put the cup of tea on the table next to her and pressed her hands together in gratitude.

"Thank you," She mouthed, hoping the woman would get the message. Mrs. Halling beamed at that.

"Of course,"

She quickly learns that Youswell is a military-owned town, owned by a man named First Lieutenant Yoki.

(She hates the military. Hates them with every fiber of her being.)

She sees the man in passing once, with his beady eyes and short stature. He walks past her, his sidekicks giving her dirty looks as she moves out of his way.

The Halling's son, Kayal, is quick to tell her all about him. Eager to vent out his frustration at anyone who will listen.

"He just came here one day," He tells her, as he brings Lola food. "He bribed his way into the army, and bought up the entire town,"

Lola motions around her, before picking up her notepad.

'Does he own this place too?' She writes curiously. Kayal simply nodded his head, his eyes narrowed.

The people in the mining town are kind, they don't expect anything from her. There's a sense of camaraderie that could just be sensed in the air. Not too unlike Barcombe and-

(Stop. Don't think about them.)

When Mrs. Halling tells people about Lola's condition, they don't treat her as if she's diseased or an invalid, they're simply understanding.

She knows she can't stay here forever, but she's grateful for the time she can.

"Lola!" Kayal calls out, all smiles. "Here's your food,"

Lola grins up at him, taking the plate from his hand.

The moment she puts the plate down, Kayal takes the seat across from her.

When the boy didn't have school or wasn't out playing with friends, he liked to sit with her and find out what life was like outside of Youswell.

"Lola, where'd you come from?" The boy asks curiously, bouncing in his seat. Lola simply shrugs, taking out her notepad.

'Here and there.' She writes down. 'I don't like staying in one place.'

"How old are you?"

'Seventeen,'

"Do you have any family?"

That question causes her to pause, something sick and twisted curling in her stomach. Lola simply shakes her head.

'No,' she writes eventually. 'Not anymore,'

Kayal's face scrunches up for a moment, and he looks like he wants to ask more. But, he decides against it.

She has no way of paying the Hallings back with money, so she ties up her hair and helps out any way she can around the inn.

She cooks, she cleans, and she learns all the names of the regular customers that stop by.

(It was only for a little while, she wasn't stupid enough to think she could stay. But it felt nice being surrounded by so many people. To be in such a warm environment.)

In Youswell, Lola is a simple girl with no baggage to hold her back. She's quiet and unassuming and is simply trying to find her way home.

(She feels bad for lying, but it's better if they don't know the truth.)

During the day she helps out around the inn to earn her keep. She treats minor injuries, telling the townspeople that her parents were doctors.

(The only complete truth she's told them.)

At night, she lights a cigarette she nabbed from one of the customers. The smoke soothes her as she looks over her notes, feeling more and more lost by the second.

Dear Seth,

I'm sorry I haven't written to you in a while. I'm currently staying in a town called Youswell. It's to the East, and very isolated. The people here are very kind, they haven't even charged me for staying in their inn. I'm working a few odd jobs to help out, but I plan to leave in about a week or two.

I think it's time for me to come back to Barcombe.

I don't plan to stay permanently, so don't get too excited. But, I want to help out at the clinic again. By the time you get this letter, I might already be there, annoying you with random stories.

I haven't been able to make any progress with Wagner's research. I haven't even been able to find any of his old associates. I'm embarrassed to say it, but I'm in the same place I was half a year ago.

I don't know how to help people like my mother. A part of me is tired of trying.

When I'm in Youswell, life is simple. I'm not some freak who can't talk or the girl who's a bit too good at alchemy for someone her age. I haven't even done any alchemy my entire time here.

That's one of the main things I love about traveling. You have endless opportunities to have a fresh start.

After I come back to Barcombe, I think my next destination will be international. I'd love to see the way they approach medicine in different countries. Do you still have that cousin who lives in Xing?

Your best friend,

Lola

Dear Win-

I'm sorry-

Please forgive me-

(The letter is crumpled up before Lola can even finish a full sentence.)

It happens a month after she's arrived in Youswell. A hint that she's overstayed her welcome, and should've left the moment she had gotten her things together.

She's serving dinner to some of the townspeople, smiling at their jokes when Kayal comes rushing in.

"Lola!" He calls out, beaming with joy. "We got a piggy bank!"

Lola claps her hands, knowing how rare it was for the inn to get any customers. She wipes her hands on her apron and walks forward to greet them.

Only to freeze once she sees golden eyes staring up at her.

(He had grown a bit. His shoulders had gotten broader.)

Edward's face turns pale like he had seen a ghost as the suit of armor behind him-Alphonse, Lola reminds herself- stills.

"Lola?" Al says, his voice sounding so small as it vibrates through the suit of armor. Lola takes a step back.

(She was on the floor, having slipped on blood that wasn't hers. Trying to figure out what she had done to deserve this.)

"Do you know these boys, Lola?" Mrs. Halling asks, looking between them curiously. Lola simply remains frozen.

("I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.")

Lola shakes her head, trying not to flinch as Ed's eyes widen. Whether in anger or shock, Lola can't quite tell.

She smiles at the boys, as if she was greeting two strangers, and simply walks away.

(Why did it have to be them? Of all people?)

She hears Al call out to her, as she rushes to the bathroom. Her stomach lurches, as she empties last night's dinner.

"You can't keep running away," Wagner had told her the moment she made it west, hoping to forget it all. "The past always comes back to bite you,"

She can hear the brother's voices, as they try to get a room for the night. They sound frantic as if they were desperately trying to reach for something that had just come within their reach.

(She wondered if they had been looking for her.)

She covers her face with her hands, as she sits against the bathroom door.

("Never leave me, okay Lola," Winry had made her promise, looping their arms together.)

She itches for a cigarette, something to take away the pain and make her feel whole again.

Lola is a coward, this is a fact she has never tried to deny.

(Her mother lay in the bathroom, and she didn't dare to open the door until it was too late.)

The past always comes back to bite you. She thinks bitterly, hugging her knees to her chest

Author's Note: So this is my third time rewriting Kairos, hopefully, it will be my last. I plan to keep up the old version of Kairos in case anyone wants to read that, but I just want to make a few changes so that I can enjoy writing it again. It's been close to a year since I updated Kairos, and in that time I lost interest in the way things were going with it.

Kairos is going to be a bit more canon-compliant now, with a few obvious changes to integrate Lola into the storyline. Lola is no longer a reincarnated soul, but she still has a ton of issues she needs to work through. Kairos is also going to be split into three parts. The three parts will cover the canon storyline, and beyond.

Even though it might not be what some of you were expecting, I hope that you're able to enjoy it anyway and give it a chance.

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa.

"This is someone talking"

'This is someone writing'

"This is someone using sign language"

Part I. Knowledge

Resembool 1903

The Rockbells are nice people. They're doctors, just like Mama is.

(Was-not is. Don't forget-)

Lola repeats those details to herself, as she looks outside the train window.

Resembool is in the countryside, with lush green grass coating almost every inch of the ground. Everything looks so much brighter and livelier than it did in Fotset.

Miss Anne tapped her on the shoulder, bright green eyes staring down at her as Lola forced a smile onto her face.

"Are you excited?" The woman asked her, running a hand through Lola's hair. "Resembool is a peaceful place. Far away from any major drama."

Lola nodded her head, as she moved closer to the train window.

Mr. Khan-the janitor from the orphanage-had said that Resembool was 'the town away from it all'. The war had barely touched it, and that she should have a relatively peaceful time there.

(She missed Mr. Khan. She wondered if-)

The train stopped, and all of the dread that Lola had willed herself to push away came back with a vengeance.

Miss. Anne went to collect their luggage, while Lola followed dutifully behind. She fiddled with the blue ribbon tied around her wrist.

(The only good thing her mother ever gave her.)

The Rockbells wrote to her while she had been in the orphanage. They told her stories of her mother, and how sad they were to hear that she was gone. They said they would do whatever they could for her.

She hadn't thought they meant adopting her.

Lola smoothed out her skirt, as she followed Miss Anne out of the train. The woman held Lola's hand, as Lola took everything in.

The air in Resembool was fresh and cool. The people were all kind and had tanned skin from being in constant sunlight. Farm animals roamed the town, as they were herded into their pens.

"This is going to be your home," Miss Anne reminded her, as they rounded the corner. "The Rockbells have everything ready for you."

Lola nodded her head wordlessly, as she watched the school children play in the yard.

"Will I go to school?" Lola asked, her accent thick as she tightened her hold on the woman's hand. She wasn't used to speaking so much Amestrian, and she was still getting used to the language. The orphanage had been a melting pot of different languages spoken, and her mother had mostly spoken to her in her mother tongue.

She had studied with Mr. Khan endlessly for months but was still falling a bit short.

Miss Anne nodded her head enthusiastically.

"Of course!" The woman replied as if it was the best thing in the world. "I'm sure you'll be at the top of your class,"

Lola pursed her lips, as they finally make their way to the Rockbell house. Her legs began to shake, as Miss Anne knocked on the door.

Lola isn't prepared for what she's met with.

The little blonde girl kept hiding behind her father's leg, as Miss Anne talked to the other two adults.

Yuriy and Sara Rockbell were doctors. Yuriy and Sara were respected in the community.

(Yuriy and Sara had known her mother. They had gone to school with her mother.)

Lola bows her head slightly, her expression is sullen.

"Thank you for having me," The girl stated clearly, her voice monotone. Miss Anne had made her rehearse it multiple times on the train ride here. "I hope to be a good addition to your family,"

The two were silent for a moment before Sara let out a squeal.

"You already are Lola," The woman said excitedly, ruffling her hair. Lola blinked at the sudden contact. "I hope you enjoy your time with us,"

Yuriy crouched down so that he was eye level with the girl, and sent her a sunny smile.

(It was so incredibly bright.)

"This is your home now, Lola," Yuriy replied instead. "If anything, thanks for being with us,"

Lola nodded her head once again, as her eyes went to the tiny blonde girl. The girl pursed her lips, holding a bouquet close to her chest. With a certain amount of determination, the girl marched forward like a soldier and thrust the flowers into Lola's chest.

"I got these for you," She blurted out, her face beet red. "Ed said flowers were stupid, but I thought you might-"

"I love them," Lola says softly, taking the flowers from her hands. She holds them close to her chest.

White hyacinths. They had been her mother's favorites.

The girl wrings her hands together, as she decides on what to say next. Lola takes the girl's hand.

"Thank you," Lola replied slowly, smiling for the first time. "I hope we can be friends,"

(Friends was too small a word. Years later when they look back at that moment, Lola can confidently say that Winry was her other half. A bond that didn't need something as flimsy as blood to make it strong.)

Winry beamed, bouncing up and down.

"Me too!" The girl exclaimed. "It'll be nice having another girl around-"

Lola listened to Winry complain about two neighbor boys who are both 'too annoying for their good'. She took in the Rockbell home and noticed the multiple tools pushed into the side. The anatomy books lined up against the wall.

It's nothing like the house she and her mother had shared. It's so incredibly warm.

Winry stopped talking, her eyes widening as Lola hurriedly wipes at her face.

"Lola, what's wrong?" Sarah had asked her, hurrying over. "Did something get into your eye?"

Lola simply shook her head and smiled a wobbly grin.

"I'm happy," She replied, sniffling a bit as Winry fretted over her. "I'm so happy,"

II. What She Left Behind

Youswell 1914

"Are you sure you're alright dear?" Mrs. Halling asks her for the tenth time. Lola simply smiles and nods her head.

Lola stands to the side of the room, and even though she believes in no Gods or organized religion, she prays for the wall to swallow her whole.

After their tense meeting, Ed and Al both flip a switch. They say that they must've had her confused with someone else. They act as if she doesn't exist, something that both shakes her to her core, but also grants her a bit of reprieve.

She sits down at the bar area and checks her pockets to see if she has any loose cigarettes. Her breathing is hard, and she feels as if the room is spinning around her.

She hears Ed and Al haggling with Mr. Halling and presses her forehead to the table.

(She prays and prays that someone will strike her down this instant.)

She hears a sound behind her, and she looks back to see a spark erupt. Alchemy in one of its best forms.

Ed is performing a spectacle, and as much as Lola wishes he wasn't here, she's happy that he still has that nature about him. Always ready to show off. The sheer arrogance Lola never had the confidence to muster.

(How could he still do it? After everything, how could he still use alchemy?)

Kayal watches with nothing but wonder, the townspeople clapping at what they think is some kind of gift.

(If only they knew alchemy was one of the worst things this world could have.)

"It's been a while since we've had an alchemist here!" One of the townspeople says, causing Lola's blood to run cold. "This is amazing!"

Her palms begin to sweat, and she can feel Ed looking at her.

She taps on Mrs. Hallings shoulders, and motions to the backdoor. The woman smiles at her sweetly.

"Of course," She replies. "You deserve a break after all the work we've put you through,"

Lola simply nods her head and runs out the back.

The moment she's outside, she drops down to the ground. Her heart is beating too fast, and she wants to hurl yet again.

Ed and Al are here. They've seen her, and they-

(She can't go back. She left that life behind her and she was finally clawing her way into some semblance of happiness dammit-)

The voices in the inn grow louder, before finally culminating in a booming:

"GET OUT!"

She can hear Ed and Al get thrown out of the inn, but she can hear only Al go back in.

After a few moments, she can hear footsteps approach her, and Lola knows that there's no way to truly get out of this. It was nighttime and no trains were running. At least until the morning, she was stuck.

The footsteps stop, and Lola raises her head.

Ed stares at her, a respectable distance between them as Lola finally rises to her feet.

Ed narrows his eyes, silent as Lola takes him in.

(Do something, anything-)

"You've gotten taller," She signs. A compliment to ease the tension. Ed doesn't respond, and at that moment Lola would rather prefer Ed's loud unhinged anger, than what she was being met with then.

"Ed-"

"Do you know how worried Winry and Granny were?" Ed asks her, taking a step forward. Lola instinctively takes a step back. Ed flinches at that, a mixture of pain and anger flashing across his face.

There was a line between the two of them, and Lola wasn't about to let him cross it. Not yet.

"I left a note," Lola signs, and the moment she does it she can't help but think about how stupid that was.

(A note? You leave behind people you care about with a stupid note?)

"Are you an idiot!" Ed finally snaps, slamming his fist into the wall. "You just left in the middle of the night! One day things were fine and the next-"

"Things weren't fine," Lola signs, her eyes narrowing a bit as well. Ed retreats at that, looking down at his feet in shame.

(He looked so small. So fragile.)

"I know-I know that I hurt you," Ed says, unable to meet her eyes. "But, it was all me okay? If you want to hate me, that's fine. But, Winry and Granny are worried sick. Al is worried about you too. At least let them in,"

Lola simply closes her eyes.

(He didn't understand. He couldn't understand. It wasn't him that Lola hated.)

"Show them that you're alright. They don't deserve this!"

(She isn't strong enough to handle this.)

"I am glad that you are well," Lola signs, looking away from him once more.

She turns away from Ed, ignoring his calls as she quickly walks back into the inn.

Lola gets back to work, sweeping up the back rooms once Al finally goes outside-sneaking the food the inn had given him along with him.

She pushes the conversation with Ed out of her mind, fully committed to making the inn as spotless as possible.

(Why are they here? Why did she have to see them?)

Of course, she wants to see Winry again, but she can't. She can't go back there because it holds so many bad memories that she can't bear to relive.

Someone clears their throat, and Lola is swatted to the side before she can even comprehend what is happening.

Yoki sneers at her, as she pushes herself up from the ground.

"Are you deaf you, stupid girl," Yoki states, as Lola purses her lips. His two guards were behind him. "I did ask you to move."

The inhabitants of the inn jumped into action.

"What the Hell-"

"How dare you-"

Kayal rushes to her side, as Lola dusts herself off.

"Fine," Lola signs, motioning to herself. Kayal's brow furrows at that, as he throws the handkerchief in his hand straight into Yoki's face.

Lola feels her stomach turn, as Kayal is smacked to the side as well.

Yoki smiles, as he raises a hand.

"Don't show mercy just because he's a kid,"

(Hearing him say that digs at something deep within her. So much hatred that she could never really channel.)

She grips at her broomstick, and charges toward the man who was beginning to pull out his sword. She whacks him over the back of the head with as much force as she can muster.

The man falls over momentarily, but his partner pushes Lola away. The man scowls at that, but his attention is finally off of Kayal.

He raises his sword towards her, and for a moment Lola freezes. She thinks about letting him do it.

(She could use her alchemy. She could rip apart some of the muscles in his arms so that he'd never be able to wield a sword again. She could even stop his heart.)

Lola does none of this, however, as the sword comes crashing down. Lola closes her eyes.

(I'm sorry Winry. I'm sorry Granny. I'm sorry Al.)

She thinks of Ed looking at her with such sad eyes. Reaching out a hand that she couldn't take.

(I'm sorry Ed. I'm sorry for not being strong enough.)

The blow never comes.

She opens her eyes to see a flash of red and gold stand in front of her, splitting the sword in two with one hand and holding a cup of coffee with the other.

Yoki's face turns red.

"Who is this ruffian?!" The man yelled, and Lola would have laughed at the look on his face if she hadn't just been about to be split in half.

"I'm just passing by," Ed says effortlessly, taking a sip from his mug. Al makes his way into the inn and extends a hand toward Lola. Her eyes burn.

(Even after everything, they still-)

"Are you alright, Lola?" Al asks, his voice soft. "Are you hurt?"

Lola simply shakes her head, as Al helps her steady herself. Mrs. Halling comes rushing to her side and crushes her into a hug.

"That was so reckless!" The woman says, tears in the corner of her eyes. "Do you have a death wish?"

(Yes.)

Lola shakes her head, as Mrs. Halling ushers her to the back room. Lola lets the woman fret over her, not making a fuss as the woman works herself up.

(Even though she had denied them, they were still so kind.)

She hears Ed leave the inn, the door closing behind him, and she wants.

(She wants to reach out to them, but she's so damn scared.)

Lola wipes at her eyes, as Mrs. Halling continues to rant about how horrible of a man Yoki was, and how lucky Lola was to be alive.

When she goes to sleep that night, she dreams for the first time in a long while.

(She dreams of that night. Of slipping on blood that wasn't hers and begging for everything to just stop.)

When she wakes up early the next morning, it's to the smell of ash and smoke.

She looks around frantically for her research notes, the one thing Wagner had entrusted to her and comes up short.

The smoke is thick and heavy with the flames blocking her exit, and for a moment Lola thinks about giving up. She can feel her lungs begin to close off.

(She could see Sara and Yuriy again. She could see her mother.)

Then she thinks about Yoki and the Hallings. How Yoki had already taken so much from them and must've been responsible for this fire too. They didn't need a dead girl on their plate as well.

(She can't die just yet.)

Lola finally sees her notes underneath the bed, clutching them to her chest. She tightens her mother's ribbon on her wrist and rushes to the window.

She hesitates for only a moment, gripping the window sill as she looks at the ground below.

She thinks of happy things. White Hyacinths and winter in the countryside. Playing chess on a warm summer day.

She closes her eyes and jumps, bracing herself for the impact of the fall.

Lola had always been more 'fragile'. While Ed, Al, and Winry would tumble around, Lola would prefer to sit off to the side, reading a book or refereeing whatever competition Ed and Al would come up with. They had just been made of stronger stuff than her.

She tumbles down to the ground, her body scraping against the building as her jacket tears. Doing multiple somersaults as she tries to protect her head.

Eventually, she falls to the ground, and her body feels numb.

Her leg is broken, she can tell that much. But everything else is simply too much. Cuts and scrapes littered her face and body adding to the pain.

She coughs up blood, as tears stream down her face. She looks over to see her notes crumpled.

(Crumpled, but not ruined.)

It hurts, everything hurts so much.

(But, she's not dead. She's still breathing. She can't die just yet.)

"Lola?"

Lola turns her head, only to see Ed standing a few feet away from her. His eyes are wide.

He has pretty eyes, Lola thinks as he rushes towards her. Al had pretty eyes too.

"Shit!" Ed hisses, his hands hovering over her. She knows she must look horrible. Her leg twisted at a different angle, her face bloody.

"Brother what are you-"

Al stops dead in his tracks once he sees her, and Lola desperately wants to crawl into a hole.

(She doesn't want to cause them any more unnecessary pain.)

"Al, get a doctor!" Ed yells, causing the suit of armor to snap to attention. Ed turns his attention back to Lola.

"And you need to keep your eyes open!" He barks. "Are you insane!? Why the Hell did you jump?"

Lola blinks, as the boy tears into her. She opens her mouth, but no words can come out. Just simple sounds.

Eventually, she grabs the boy's hand.

"I'm sorry," She signs into his hand, her vision growing bleary. "I'm so sorry,"

Ed freezes at that, as Lola's grip loosens and she finally loses consciousness.

(When she sleeps, she dreams again. She thinks of wrenches strewn across the floor, and bundles of laughter filling a room. She realizes what she needs to do.)

When she awakens, her cuts and bruises have been treated and her right leg is in a cast.

She sits up slowly in her bed, wincing as she leans back against the headboard.

(It hurts but she is still here.)

She hears creaking off to the side, only to turn her head and see Al trying to adjust himself on the floor.

(Al used to be one of her favorite people. Now looking at him makes her so unbelievably sad.)

"How do you feel?" Al asks her, sitting off to the side of the room. Lola tries to smile.

"I am fine," Lola signs, wincing just a bit. "Please do not worry about me,"

Al is silent for a few moments, before shaking his head. He hands Lola her jacket.

(The blood is gone, and it looks almost brand new. They must have used alchemy to fix it.)

"Lola," Al starts slowly. "We're always going to worry about you,"

Lola looks down at her lap, and even though she's three years older than Al, at that moment she feels so much younger.

"I'm sorry I left," Lola signs, finally looking up at him. "Sorry I treated you two like strangers. Did not want to leave. I wanted-"

"It's alright, Lola," Al says in that cheery voice of his. "You don't have to explain,"

Lola grips at her bedsheets, and she can hear her mother's voice.

("My sweet girl. Life isn't kind to the people that hesitate. You need to push through-")

"Where is Ed?" Lola signs instead. Al simply leans back.

"I have no idea, he told me to stay here with you," Al replied, rubbing the back of his head. Lola blinks at that.

"He asked you to stay?" Lola signed, raising a brow. Al nodded.

"He was very worried about you," Al stated, a hint of something that Lola couldn't quite decipher in his voice. "The doctor had to force him to stand outside."

(He just feels guilty.)

"Have you had luck finding the stone? Philosopher's stone," Lola signs, then immediately regrets it. The tension in the room rises, just a bit, as Al shakes his head.

Al shrinks back and bows his head, before looking back towards Lola again.

"Lola, brother and I both are so-"

Lola raises a hand, stopping him in his tracks.

(The one time she didn't hesitate. The one time she had reached out wholeheartedly, she had paid dearly.)

"You have no need to apologize again," Lola finally signs. "I was one who jumped in like idiot,"

"We hurt you," Al says firmly. "You tried to stop us from making a stupid mistake, and we hurt you in the process. We're always going to apologize for that,"

Lola doesn't quite know what to say to that and leans back.

"Okay then," She signs. "Apology accepted."

Al seems to brighten, as he straightens himself out.

"We're going to get our bodies back," Al says with so much confidence that Lola almost believes him.

(She wants to believe him. She wants them to be happy. But she knows not to get her hopes up for anything.)

"We're going to heal you too," Al says resolutely, and Lola feels sick.

Don't waste it on me! She wants to yell. Don't worry about me.

Lola simply nods her head, unable to look at him.

"What are you going to do now?" Al asks. Lola simply shrugs her shoulders.

(She knows they want her to go back to Resembool. But after everything, they don't feel as if they have the right to ask.)

"Winry," Lola signs, something twisting in her chest. "Does she hate me?"

"No!" Al replies, shaking his head heavily. "I mean we haven't been back in a while, but I know she doesn't hate you."

Al calms down a bit, as Lola wrings her hands together.

"She misses you," Al says softly. "And she wants you to come home. That's all,"

The words We all do are left unsaid.

"Don't know what new plans are." Lola signs, running a hand over her face. She points at her broken leg and shrugs. "This complicates things,"

(She knows what she needs to do. She just can't say it aloud, not yet at least.)

"Couldn't you use your alchemy to heal it?" Al questions, as Lola's face sours.

"I have sworn off alchemy," Lola signs, her brow furrowed. "Have not done it in a year,"

She likes to think if Al had a human body, his jaw would have dropped by now.

"But, you could heal your leg easily with it!" Al says, not comprehending what she just said. "Why would you let yourself suffer?"

"No," Lola signs, shaking her head. "I made mistake, not going to use alchemy to fix it. I'm going to live with consequences,"

Al remains silent, before simply leaning back.

She can tell he doesn't quite understand. For the brothers, alchemy was their everything. Lola didn't think they'd survive without it.

(She could understand why. Their connection to alchemy was so deeply rooted in who they were as people.)

But, Lola had seen what alchemy could do. Had experienced what alchemy had done to all of them. She knew how useless alchemy was in the grand scheme of things.

(Wagner coughing up a fit. Falling to the ground as Lola tried to use her alchemy to save him.)

Alchemy was something that Lola no longer wanted to associate with.

Al snaps to attention, as he pulls a wad of papers out of his armor.

"We found these near you when you fell," The boy says, handing Lola her research. "You tried to reach for it, but…"

The boy trails off, as Lola happily takes the papers from him.

"What is it?" He asks as Lola tucks it under her arm.

Lola thinks about changing the subject.

(This was her way of apologizing to her mother. For not being fast enough. For being so damn passive.)

"An old mentor of mine left me this," Lola signs. "If I finish it, could help a lot of people."

Al simply nods his head and politely asks her to tell him more.

(She missed Al. While Ed was a bright inferno that could either light up the way or incinerate everything in his path, Al was a calming rain ready to ease your mind at a moment's notice.)

"You're lucky it was a clean break," The doctor tells her, shaking his head. "You're going to need to use these crutches for a bit. Don't put any weight on your right leg-"

Lola tunes the doctor out as she shrugs on her jacket, one of the only things to survive the fire. She knew how to treat a broken leg, and was a bit insulted that the doctor assumed otherwise.

She smiles at the doctor, as she takes her new crutches from him. The doctor simply sighs.

"I know we're not in the best shape now," He says, helping her get up. "But I don't recommend traveling right now. You need to get some rest."

(I'll rest when I'm dead.)

Lola bows her head towards the doctor in silent thanks and hobbles out of the room.

The inn is brand new, having been redone with alchemy. The townspeople rejoice and celebrate inside.

Kayal comes rushing towards her, the largest smile she's ever seen bright on his face.

"Lola!" He states, practically bouncing with joy. "Ed bought out the coal mine and gave it to us! Yoki is gone!"

Lola grins at that and ruffles Kayal's hair.

"Dear," Mrs. Halling calls out, walking over as well. Her brow furrowed. "Are you sure you want to leave now? You're welcome to stay for as long as you need."

Lola simply shakes her head and hands, Mrs. Halling, a note explaining it all.

'Time to move on,' Lola scrawls down on her notepad, before showing it to the woman.

The woman simply smiles, placing a hand on Lola's shoulder. Mr. Halling moves forward and ruffles Lola's hair.

"You've been a great help to us," The man says warmly. "I know we're not much of a tourist location, but you're always welcome to come back,"

She sees Ed in the midst of it all, as the townspeople pass him drinks, celebrating him as their hero.

(He puts on such a front, but he's one of the kindest people Lola knows.)

She sees Al sitting off to the side, looking at the food in slight envy, and hobbles up next to him.

"Lola!" He says in surprise, taking her bag off her shoulders to lighten the load. "I thought the doctor said you should rest?"

Lola smiles at him wholeheartedly for the first time since they met up. She gingerly takes the seat next to him.

"I'll rest when I'm dead," Lola signs, as she leans back. Al simply hums as they watch the festivities unfold even more.

"Lola," Al says softly yet again. "What are you going to do now?"

Lola doesn't respond at first, simply watching Ed in the crowd.

She loves moments like these when he's able to enjoy himself and let loose. Al had always been much more open with his emotions, but Ed was the master of keeping everything bottled up.

They were kids. Lola thought as she leaned forward. They were all just kids and yet they had to suffer so much.

"Money is low," Lola signs, motioning to herself. "Everything lost in fire."

Al put his hands together, wringing them slightly, and Lola knew he was gearing up to ask her something big.

"Why don't you come with us?" The boy asks her, his voice small. "I-I know you had your reasons for leaving. But, maybe this was a sign?"

(Alchemists didn't believe in signs or miracles. Lola knew this was Al just trying to appeal to anything he could to get her to come back. To make things go back to the way they were supposed to be.)

Lola continues to watch the party unfold, and leans into Al's side.

"Scared." Lola signs. "Uncertain."

She knows what she needs to do. But, she's afraid that if she goes back she'll never be able to leave.

(It was time to face them head-on. They deserved at least that.)

"I was scared when I saw you," Al admits. "I was scared you hated brother and me."

"I could never hate you," Lola signs, smiling up at him. "I was… upset about the way things happened. But not at you, never you."

She likes to think if Al had a physical body, he'd be smiling at her right now. His body relaxes as they enjoy the festivities together.

(But, he doesn't have a physical body. Alchemy took that from him.)

"When last time you see Winry?" Lola signs, looking up at him again. Al rubs the back of his head.

"We only usually go when brother's automail needs to be fixed," Al admits, though he has the decency to sound ashamed.

(Tears stream down the blonde girl's face. "Never leave me, okay Lola?")

She needs to be brave.

"Together we go Resembool," Lola signs, reaching for her crutches. Her hands shake, as she grips them.

Something rebels inside of her at the thought, but it's something she knows she needs to do.

Winry and Granny deserved an explanation, and she knew she owed it to them.

(She thinks of sleepless nights. Of wishing she was anywhere else.)

Lola already has everything planned out.

She plans to make peace with everyone she's hurt. Then, she plans to finish Wagner's research and hand it off to Seth so that it can be published. Afterward, she plans to travel across the world while she's still able.

Then, she plans to stop.

(She thinks of her mother. Of the woman crying herself to sleep. Apologizing to Lola over voices she could hear that weren't there.)

The illness her mother had consumed her. It had taken every part of her that was good and kind and twisted it into something cruel and paranoid.

Lola is afraid that she will eventually get it too.

(People tell her about how much she looks like her mother. How much she acted like her mother. How the same kind of sickness that consumed her mother had plagued many members of her biological family. It scares her.)

She has told Al about her research, vaguely, but she hasn't told him of what she plans to do afterward. She hasn't told them why she has tried to alienate herself from them in hopes of making the blow sting less.

Once she finishes Wagner's research, and sees all that this world has to offer, she plans to stop.

(Stop breathing, stop existing, stop being.)

When her mother got sick, she stopped being her. She lost the spark that made her Maryam Graham.

Her mother had been much stronger than Lola ever could be. She knows if she gets the same illness, it will consume her in the same way, possibly even worse.

(She doesn't have it in her to fight anymore. She's already so tired.)

Lola hasn't had much control over many things in her life, but she will have control over how she dies. She will have control over how her story is going to end.

She looks up at Al. With all his innocence and naivety and smiles.

(It should be fine. For just a little bit, it should be fine.)

"Time for me to go home," Lola signs, as the townspeople laugh in the distance.

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa.

"This is someone talking"

'This is someone writing'

"This is someone using sign language"

Part I. Knowledge

Resembool 1903

A few days after she comes to Resembool, Lola makes sure to make herself as useful as possible.

She wakes up early in the morning, helps Winry get ready for the day, and offers to help Yuriy with making breakfast.

(It's a known fact throughout the Rockbell home that Sara cannot cook. Lola learns this on her second day there, when the woman burns a piece of toast.)

The Rockbells have officially adopted her, on any of her official documents they are listed as her guardians. But, they could also give her up at any time if they pleased.

She likes the Rockbells, and she likes Resembool. She doesn't want to leave.

So she puts on the mask that she had perfected at the orphanage. The perfect child.

She smiles non stop, never giving any indication that she could possibly be unhappy or a burden. She makes sure to finish all the food on her plate, encouraging Winry to do the same.

She plays with Winry everyday, knowing that if Winry liked her it would increase her chances of staying.

One day Winry takes her up the hill, rushing ahead without a care in the world as Lola staggers behind, struggling to keep up.

(Winry had always been so far ahead of her.)

It's then that she meets them.

Golden eyes and golden hair straight out of a fairy tale Lola thinks as the two boys stare at her. It reminds her of stories that Mr. Khan had told her. Of an ancient place that no longer existed.

The older one has a suspicious look on his face, sizing Lola up. The younger one is more gentle, with much softer features.

(She can already tell that the younger one is going to be her favorite.)

Lola smiles, because these are Winry's friends who she had talked about non stop. Since she liked Winry she was sure she'd like them too, if only just a bit.

"My name is Lola Graham," Lola makes sure to say clearly, bowing her head. "It's nice to meet you."

The older one folds his arms, as the younger one moves forward.

"My names Al," He says proudly. "It's nice to meet you too,"

Lola nods, and looks over at the older one. The boy's eyes narrow, not sure how to treat the newcomer. He looks her up and down, assessing whether or not she was worth it.

"Ed," The boy bites out. Lola simply smiles, moving forward, and taking the shorter boy's face in her hands.

"Your eyes are very pretty Ed," Lola says, laughing as the boy begins to blush. He smacks her hands away instantly.

"You weirdo!" He says, his face beet red. "You don't just go around doing that! Where did you even come from? You talk weird."

"You're weird Ed!" Winry says, quick to jump to Lola's defense. "And she talks just fine!"

"It's alright Winry," Lola says, placing a hand on the blonde's shoulder. She smiled at Ed.

"I used to live in Fotset," Lola explains, as she clears her throat. She pauses for a few moments, thinking of the proper way to phrase her words. "It's near the Aerugonian border. I didn't speak a lot of Amestrian while I was there due to all of the immigrants,"

(My mother included, Lola tactfully doesn't say. She knew from her days at the orphanage that children tended to have big mouths, and Miss Anne had already instructed her to keep quiet. No one needed to know that her Amestrian citizenship could be up for question.)

"If it's any consolation," Lola says. "You guys sound a bit weird to me too,"

Al stands up, and smiles gently at Lola.

"Do you like checkers?" Al asks, the same gentle smile on his face. "Brother and I were playing."

(Lola missed that smile so damn much.)

"Sì," Lola says, as she sits down. The other three children stare at her and she feels her face warm.

"I mean yes," She says a bit quieter, wringing her hands together. "Forgive me. I'm still getting used to Amestrian."

"It's alright Lola!" Winry says, sidling up next to her. She smiles brightly, and for a moment she reminds Lola of the sun. "I like the way you talk. It sounds nice!"

Al nods his head in agreement, kneeling down, as he put the chessboard between them.

"How many languages can you speak?" Al asks, setting the board down flat. Ed is still sulking in the corner, his eyes still narrowed.

"Just the two," Lola says, glancing over at Ed.

"Don't mind him," Al says cheerfully, taking note of Lola's discomfort. "He's just upset that our mom made him drink his milk."

"Shut up, Al!" Ed snaps, finally sitting down. He fixes Lola with a fierce stare.

"I'm gonna destroy you," He states, pointing a finger at her. Lola simply smiles at that, thinking of all the times she had played against Mr. Khan.

"Good luck," Lola says, as Al finishes setting up the board. Winry cheers her on from the sidelines as they begin to play.

(She had won against Ed every single time they had played that day. She remembers him demanding a rematch everytime. His eyes lighting up, as Winry and Al both teased him. Most of all, she remembers it being the first time she had truly laughed out loud for real.)

III. An Abomination

East City, 1914

Lola is sitting right next to them on the train, her crutches off to the side as she sketches something in her notebook. As if they didn't find her waiting tables at some random inn. As if she didn't jump out of a building the day before. As if she hadn't been declared missing for three years.

Ed can't stop staring at her. A part of him is afraid that if he stops she'll simply get up and leave again.

He's angry, he's livid, but he can't voice any of it.

(Because he knows why she left. Because he knows it's partially-mostly-completely his fault.)

Sometimes at night he can still remember her screams. Her clawing at her throat, as she looked at him with nothing but pure agony.

Lola stops what she's doing, and finally meets Ed's gaze. He rears back a bit at that.

"What's wrong?" Lola signs, and Ed's eyes narrow just a bit.

What's wrong? You left me-us!

"Nothing," He bites out, looking out the window. He can feel Al giving him a warning glance, but he can't find it in himself to care.

(He remembers golden eyes staring at him with disdain, as that man had walked out of their lives forever.)

"So you want to go back to Resembool?" Ed asks, eyes slightly narrowed. Lola simply nods her head as she leans into Al's side.

(She's calmer with Al. But, with him-)

"You were right," Lola signs, nodding her head. "I need to go see Winry and Granny."

She's hiding something, Ed thinks looking at the way she doesn't quite meet his gaze.

Lola had always been a bit of a puzzle. An enigma if Ed were to be honest. Something he could never fully understand.

(She was like ice. Something delicate and pretty that could melt away at a moment's notice.)

Ed's face warmed a bit at the thought of thinking of Lola as 'pretty'. It wasn't that he thought she was ugly, it just- oh never mind.

"What have you been doing these past few years?" Ed finally asks. Lola simply shrugs.

"Traveling," Lola signs simply. "Apprenticed under a doctor for some time."

"That's amazing Lola," Al says, in that calm voice of his. Ed simply sucks his teeth.

Sometimes he wonders how Al can be so forgiving. How he can talk and smile with Lola as if she didn't leave them with anything but a shitty note. As if-

(As if Ed wasn't the reason she left.)

The whole thing pisses him off beyond belief, and he can feel himself grow more and more tired by the second.

Lola pisses him off.

No she doesn't. The voice in his head loves to remind him. You piss yourself off.

A part of Ed wanted to keep Lola at arms length. He wanted to simply buy her a ticket to Resembool so that she could show Winry and Granny that she was alright.

Then he looks at her broken leg, and realizes that she can't simply travel alone and might be stuck with them for a bit longer than planned.

(A part of him is also afraid that she won't go. That she'll get on a train, and they'll go another few years without having any idea of where she is.)

"I'm taking a nap," He says curtly, leaning back in his seat. "Wake me when we get there."

Lola gives him a thumbs up, and Ed rolls his eyes.

"I'm sorry," She had signed as the Youswell inn burned in front of them, as she looked up at him with teary eyes. It made him clench his fist.

What the Hell did she have to be sorry for? Towards him of all people?

(He doesn't hate her. He hates himself most of all.)

He falls asleep to the sound of the moving train. To the sound of Al telling Lola about some of their adventures and the places they've been.

Lola slowly lowers her hand, as Ed falls asleep rather quickly.

"I'm sorry about Brother," Al says softly, careful not to wake the boy. "It's just-he was very worried about you when you left. But now that we found you, he isn't quite sure how to feel,"

Lola simply nods her head.

"I didn't leave because I hated you guys or because I was angry," Lola signs yet again. "I left for different reasons."

I left because I hated myself. I left because I knew you guys wouldn't understand.

"Where you guys plan to go next?" Lola signs, smiling as she changes the subject.

She knows they won't be able to go to Resembool right away. A fact she is secretly grateful for.

(She needs time before she sees Winry and Granny again. Time to prepare.)

"We have to report back to East City," Al says, and Lola's face sours immediately.

(Military. They're a part of the military. She knows what their reasons are, but it still makes her so incredibly sick.)

"Is that so?" Lola signs, forcing a smile on her face. "Great."

"They have a nice library there," Al says, carrying on. "Brother might be able to get you access for your research."

Lola claps her hands together at that.

"Thank you, Al." Lola signs enthusiastically. "Sorry I have to rely on you guys so much right now. I'll pay you back soon."

"You don't need to pay us back Lola," Al says almost instantly, waving his hands. "We're glad to help."

"I'm older," She signs back in response, her brow furrowed. "You should be able to rely on me, not other way around. I know things are shaky between us, but please always feel free to call on me."

She looks over at Ed sleeping, and smiles just a bit.

"Both of you," She signs.

Al doesn't respond at first to that, and Lola takes his hand.

"As long as I am here," She signs again, because she doesn't know how much longer she will be here. "Please call on me,"

Al simply nods his head, speechless.

Al doesn't hold any negative feelings towards Lola. He doesn't really have the right to.

For as long as he can remember, Lola has been a constant in their lives. She was there with them when they began to have an interest in alchemy. When their father left. When their mother got sick, she was the one to come and help Granny take care of her.

(She had been there that night. She had rushed toward him, reaching out a hand to help. She had gotten hurt because of their mistake.)

When he saw her again in Youswell, he hadn't been angry. Just so incredibly relieved.

(She's not dead. She's still alive. She's ok. Winry and Granny will be so happy.)

Then she looked up at brother and him with wide eyes, and Al remembered why she had left in the first place.

(He can still remember her screams. This body that does not sleep and does not eat will not allow him to forget it.)

Al wasn't angry with her for leaving. He understood why she needed to go. It was the same reason Brother and he had burned down their childhood home.

(The memories were simply too much. They had all seen too much.)

He understood why she had to go, he simply wished she had said goodbye first. He wished she hadn't hurt Winry in the process of needing some distance from it all.

(He is hurt, but he is not angry.)

Brother is angry. But Al knows he's more angry at himself than anything. Al is angry with himself too. He's angry that he let himself believe two tiny children had any right to play God. He's angry that their actions hurt somebody they cared about.

Lola has fallen asleep at this point as well, and Al simply looks out the train window.

He knows Lola isn't being completely honest with them. He knows that there's something she's hiding because he knows her.

(He finds tiny happiness in the fact that at her core Lola isn't really changed.)

But, Al doesn't dwell on it.

He trusts Lola, and all that matters at that moment is that she's willing to come home and Winry can finally smile like she used to.

(Winry had always been a happy person. But, after Lola had left, her smile had become more forced. Her eyes slightly less bright.)

He notices a man sitting a few rows back, he glances over at them curiously every few minutes.

Al was used to the stares, it wasn't everyday you saw a seven foot tall suit of armor casually sitting on the train. The man's gaze turns to Lola. however, as he squints, almost as if he recognizes her from somewhere.

Al stares back at the man openly, causing him to quickly look away. He goes back to reading his paper.

(The man seems harmless enough. But, something about him rubs Al the wrong way.)

He pushes the thought away, however. It's not as if the man would be able to do anything with Brother and him here.

Al looks out the window, and even though this body doesn't allow him to properly rest, he feels a bit of peace, if only for a little bit.

Lola is tired.

"Hey kid!" The man in front of her says, nudging her crutches with his leg. "Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

She notices the pack of cigarettes in his pocket, and her eyes light up.

The man scowls even harder, kicking her crutches to the side. He had almost tripped on them, and had decided it was Lola's fault for having a broken leg, instead of his own damn fault for not watching where he was going.

"Are you deaf?" The man asks, leaning in close.

Lola nudges Ed awake with her left foot.

His eyes blink open, as he looks around in a sleepy haze. His eyes eventually land on the men in front of them.

"Who the Hell are you?" He asks, rubbing at his eyes. The men simply laugh amongst themselves.

"What's it to you, Shrimp?" The man says, pointing his gun at Ed. The people on the train gasp, but Al and Lola simply lean back.

What happens next is a spectacle people on that train won't forget for years to come. A tiny blond goblin taking out multiple gunmen while screaming obscenities. All while a silent redhead simply smiled serenely at the scene.

When the train finally stops, Lola takes her crutches, silently nods at the blushing young man who offered to carry her belongings, puts the pack of cigarettes into her pocket, and hobbles over to where Ed and Al are.

She knows that the boys are amazing. Much more talented than most people she's had the pleasure of meeting in this lifetime. But the way they dealt with the bandits on the train reaffirms that belief.

(They are geniuses. Even though things are tense, Lola can't help but be so incredibly proud of them.)

Ed silently takes her bag from her as they walk forward, before abruptly stopping in his tracks.

Lola curiously looks over his shoulder.

"Hi Fullmetal," A tall man with dark hair says, waving happily at them. Lola feels her face twist into something ugly.

(This was the man that had walked into their home without a care in the world. The man who had planted the idea of a life in the military in the boy's heads. She remembered him-)

Roy Mustang grins as he looks towards Lola.

(He obviously didn't remember her.)

"No way Fullmetal," The man says, still smiling. "Don't tell me you went and got a girlfriend on your travels?"

"She's not my girlfriend!" Ed exclaims, as Lola hurriedly shakes her head. The man simply laughs at that, as the woman behind him looks over at Lola curiously.

(Lola remembered her too.)

"Lola Graham?" The woman says curiously, causing the man to straighten up a bit. The woman smiles at her, and Lola can't help but smile back. "You've grown into a beautiful young lady. Do you remember me?"

Lola nods.

"I learned sign language," Lola signs, smiling at the older woman. "Just like you suggested."

Riza Hawkeye smiled at that, and even though the woman was military too, Lola couldn't bring herself to hate her.

"That's good." Riza signs back.

"Lola Graham," Mustang repeats to himself, as he looks towards her once again. His eyes light up in recognition, as he looks between her and the boys. "I'm glad to see you're well."

She thinks about the last time she saw this man, and realizes she can't return the sentiments.

She simply nods her head at him, eyes slightly narrowed as the man takes in her hostility.

Lola hears a sound behind her, and Al ushers her back.

"You bastard!" One of the bandits that Ed and Al had been fighting calls out.

Mustang snaps on his gloves, and Lola is once again validated in her hatred of him.

With a snap of his fingers, flames erupt in front of them. Not enough to kill, but enough to send a warning, to incapacitate.

I am a God, and none of you can stand toe to toe with me, he says without using any words at all. It's one of the reasons she hates alchemy.

No man should have that much power.

(She hates alchemy, and she hates how ingrained it is into the boys' psyche. Without alchemy, Al would still have his body. Ed would still have all of his limbs. Lola would still have her voice, and not be treated like a freak by people who didn't even know her.)

She hates alchemy because of the illusion it creates. The power hungriness it gives to whoever practices it.

(She looks at Ed and Al, and she thinks their lives would have been better off without alchemy. They were simply victims to the lies and delusions that alchemy had created.)

"What are you?" The man asks, as he lays on the floor covered in burns. Mustang smirks, and Lola wants nothing more than to punch him in his smug perfect face.

"Roy Mustang, Colonel." The man says, tugging on his glove. "I'm the flame alchemist, never forget that."

(It all sounds so cheesy, like it came off the back of an off brand cereal box.)

He walks away, Ed at his heels with his head held up high. The other officers look at him appraisingly.

The hero of Ishval. The Raging Inferno. The Flame Alchemist. Lola had researched him.

("Alchemy should be used to make people smile." Mr. Khan had told her years before, when she had still been stuck in that dingy orphanage with the sounds of war not too far away. "These military men use it to hurt. That's all they know.")

"Lola?" Al calls out to her, as he sees her lagging behind. "Are you coming?"

Lola forces a smile on her face, and nods. She finally staggers after the rest of them, careful not to look at the dark haired man for too long.

Lola watches in slight awe as Ed talks to one of the military officers. He tells her to escort Lola to one of the nearby hotels, and lazily writes a check.

The woman's jaw drops, as she stares down at that check. Lola peeks over at it, and almost wants to faint.

(How the hell was he able to just throw that kind of money around?)

Al tells her that they'll come by to see her later, as he walks after Ed and the rest of Mustang's team. Hawkeye waves at her yet again as they begin to walk away.

Ed does not look back at her. He simply looks ahead.

The female officer assigned to escort her salutes towards Lola. Lola shakily nods her head.

"Come with me, Miss Graham," The woman says, the face of professionalism. "I'll take you to where you'll be spending the day."

Lola follows after the woman, careful not to put too much pressure on her right foot. She glances back to see if Ed and Al are still there, only to see that they've disappeared into the crowd.

Once the officer brings her to the hotel room, the woman salutes her once again as Lola gingerly makes her way onto the bed. The door closes behind her with a snap.

A part of her wants to leave. A part of her wants to take her belongings, and hop on the next train to nowhere.

(She thinks of screwdrivers and automail strewn across the house. She thinks of Granny smoking her pipe. She knows they must be so disappointed in her.)

But, she knows if she does that the boys will never forgive her. Winry would never forgive her. She knows that she'll never be able to forgive herself.

She finally pulls out the pack of cigarettes she was able to nab from the bandit. She hobbles over to the window, and sinks down into the sofa chair. She pulls out her lighter, and lets herself relax as she watches the cigarette smoke waft in front of her.

She feels a wave of calm wash over her, as she pulls out her notes once again.

Dear Seth,

Change of plans. It might take me just a bit longer to get back to Barcombe.

I ran into them. The boys that I used to tell you about. Seeing them wasn't as horrible as I thought it'd be. It was hard at first, but I'm glad I was able to talk to them.

I'm going back to Resembool for a bit. I'm going to see my sister.

To be honest, I'm terrified. My hands won't stop shaking as I write this. But I need to see her while I'm still able to. I need to apologize while I still have the chance.

I still haven't changed my mind about what I plan to do when I finish Wagner's research. I know you're against it, but I'm grateful that you haven't tried to change my mind either.

I'm going to make amends with my family, then continue on the path I've chosen for myself.

I hope to see you in a few weeks.

The love of your life,

Lola

Due to her broken leg, Lola can't do much of anything.

She tries to go over Wagner's notes, but certain words and phrases were burned in the fire. She knew she would have to regroup and start over yet again, visiting places she had already gone to.

Eventually, she just sits back and listens to the radio.

She first listens to an old radio show about a no nonsense detective having to team up with his much younger coworker. Then she listens to a romantic comedy about two childhood friends who have finally realized how much they love each other.

Then she attempts to smother herself with her pillow.

A part of her feels a bit trapped, she realizes, as she sits up against the bed frame. She had spent so long being able to go wherever she pleased whenever she pleased, that the thought of sitting in one place made her feel strange.

She thinks about Seth momentarily, and hopes that he's able to keep the clinic afloat by himself. She hopes that Wagner's ghost isn't still haunting him.

(She hopes that he is alright because she doesn't think she can handle losing someone else she cares about.)

She knows that she could go out if she wanted to even though her leg would make it difficult, but a part of her knows that she shouldn't.

(If she made it outside, she would want to leave and run away like she always did. It was taking everything in her to stay put. She can't run away anymore.)

So she sits, she listens, she splurges on room service, she reads the paper, and she tries not to lose whatever small amount of sanity she has left.

EAST CITY TIMES

GENERAL BASQUE GRAND FOUND MURDERED. SUSPECTS CURRENTLY BEING SURVEYED.

General Grand had committed most of his life to serving in the military. He was known as the 'Iron Blood Alchemist', the name given to him when he was only twenty years old. He was a trailblazer in Ishval, leading the charge-

STATE ALCHEMISTS BEING TARGETED? KEEP YOUR LOVED ONES CLOSE.

When the boys come to see her, she practically shoves the paper in their faces.

(They cannot die. They have so much they're capable of giving this world, and they simply cannot die. She won't allow it.)

"Did you know about this?" She signs, her brows furrowed. Ed and Al glance at the headlines, before sharing a look.

"Don't worry about it." Ed says easily enough, leaning back on the sofa. He glances down at the check the hotel staff left, and his eyes widen. "How much did you spend?!"

"Don't change the subject." Lola signs, shaking her head. "Someone out to kill state alchemists. Shouldn't you two be more concerned?"

The brothers simply looked at each other and shrugged.

"It hasn't been proven that all these cases are connected," Al tries to explain, making himself comfortable off to the side. "General Grand was in Ishval, wasn't he? It could be related to that. We'll be fine, Lola,"

Lola bites her lip, before leaning back herself.

(The thought won't go away. It gnaws at her insides, and makes her feel like needles are poking through her skin. The thought of them lying somewhere without anyone to help them. Thoughts of that night-)

Lola takes a deep breath.

"Tell me about what you did today," Lola signs instead of letting her worries get the best of her. She still feels uneasy, but she tries to push it away.

(She knows their lives are dangerous. But knowing that there could be someone out there just waiting to hurt them makes her want to puke.)

Lola has her death planned out, but she wants the boys and Winry to each live long lives.

(It was part of the reason she left. So that they could get used to being without her.)

The boys tell her about their day. Al mostly, but Ed adds in a bit once in a while. They tell her about a girl named Nina and her dog Alexander. They tell her about how her father is always working, and how lonely she feels. They tell her about how sweet the girl is.

(A little girl wanting nothing more than their parent's love and affection.)

"She seems lovely," Lola signs, pushing away the memories. Ignoring how close to home it is. "I'd love to meet her."

Ed falls asleep on the couch before long. Lola takes one of the blankets and uses it to cover him.

She takes the spare blanket, and sits beside Al on the floor covering him with the blanket as well. She reaches for his hand in hopes of providing some form of comfort.

The next day, Lola needles Ed into letting her come along.

(If she spent one more day alone in that hotel room she would lose it.)

"He has big library?" Lola signs, motioning with her hands. "Let me see it too. Will not get in way of your research."

Ed looks as if he desperately wants to turn her down.

"It should be fine, brother," Al eventually says, coming to her defense. "I'm sure Nina would like to meet Lola too."

Ed frowns at that, before simply shrugging and turning around.

"Do whatever you want." He replies, as he begins to walk forward. Lola tries not to be hurt by that.

(She knew it would take some time. She just hoped they would be on good terms before-)

Lola forces a smile onto her face, and follows after the boys.

Tucker's house was huge, it reminded Lola of one of those mansions you would usually only see in the capitol.

The man himself was quiet, and very polite. He had no issues with the boys bringing Lola along, and Lola suspected that they had already told the man about her condition and how it came to be.

Tucker specialized in biological alchemy, something Lola had dabbled in herself when she was still practicing. It had given her the ability to heal certain wounds.

He didn't have much in regards to the certain disorder Lola was looking for, but he had plenty when it came to the subject of neuroscience.

(His library was extensive. Over the past year she had only been able to glimpse bits and pieces of the information she needed in rundown libraries near the edge of the country. But, Tucker's collection was simply on another level.)

"My wife suffered from mental illness as well." Tucker told her, rubbing the back of his head. His eyes looked downtrodden. Lola placed a hand on his shoulder, in camaraderie. "It's part of the reason why she left. I hope you're able to make a difference, Lola."

Other than Al, when she had told someone about her research they had simply given her strange looks. Patients in mental asylums, people who had minds that worked differently than the norm, they were seen as trash in Amestris. There were laws put into place that limited what they were able to do with their lives. If it was known that you had a certain mental illness that collided with your ability to be a contributing citizen to Amestris' economy, many people believed you were better off being dead.

That's part of the reason her mother left her. She knew her being alive just by association would make Lola's life harder as well. It's one of the reasons Lola can't fully hate Maryam for her choice. It's why she's made her own choice as well.

(She wishes Maryam had at least left her a note beforehand. She wishes she could have at least told Lola one last 'I love you'.)

Lola plans to finish Wagner's research, but she doesn't know how much good it'll do. She hopes it'll help people, but there's never any guarantee.

(This is why she has made her choice. She won't burden any of the people she loves any further. She will take all of the negative experiences and negative memories that make her who she is, and erase them.)

She is immersed in her research, when someone tugs on the back of her hair lightly. Nina smiles up at her, Alexander standing loyally behind her.

"Your hair is really pretty, Big sister!" The girl says, still tugging on it. "I've never seen a color like that before."

'Thank you.' Lola writes simply, giving the girl her best smile. She contemplates something, before writing something on her notepad again.

'Would you like to braid it?'

Nina squints at the handwriting, before looking up at Lola curiously.

"I can't read that well yet," The girl says unabashedly, the same innocent smile on her face. Lola feels her face warm, as she puts her notepad off to the side.

She takes her hair out of her ponytail, and tries to mime braiding it. She then points towards Nina. The little girl scrunches her face up for a moment, before making a sound of understanding.

The boys walk around to where they are sitting, only to see Nina attempting to braid Lola's hair while the redhead patiently pets Alexander.

"Hey mutt!" Ed says, pointing at the dog in competition. "I need exercise, so I'll play with you."

The dog barks at that, running after Ed almost instantly.

"Come on," Al says following after them. "Nina and Lola too."

Nina tugs her along.

(For a moment, she is reminded of her days in Resembool. Winry tugging her along, as they all played in the countryside. She missed this more than anything.)

When the day is over, Lola ties her blue ribbon into Nina's hair. She noticed the girl eyeing it all day. She smiles at Nina, and pats her head.

'Hope you like it.' She writes simply, grinning wholeheartedly. Nina simply laughs, and hugs Lola as tightly as she can.

(Lola should've known better than to give Nina the ribbon. But for a brief moment she had allowed herself to hope. To hope that it-that she wasn't as cursed as she thought.)

Any other person that had held onto the ribbon had died. Lola wasn't usually a superstitious person, but she had fully believed that the ribbon had been cursed.

She saw how much Nina had liked it, and thought maybe the girl's pure innocence would've protected her from anything horrific. That someone like Nina wouldn't have any hardships placed upon her.

(She was so naive. She should've remembered that innocence alone was enough to screw you over and that naivety was never rewarded.)

Days later, she'll look at the ribbon and offer a silent Aerugonian prayer for Nina. Something that even though she doesn't fully believe in, she knows her mother would've done. She'll curse herself for thinking Tucker was a good man. For once again underestimating how evil alchemy could be.

(Any other person that had held the ribbon other than Lola had died. Nina is not an exception.)

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa.

"This is someone talking"

'This is someone writing'

"This is someone using sign language"

Part I. Knowledge

Fotset 1902

Lola has heard rumors about the janitor of the orphanage.

"I hear he's a freak." Angelica-one of the other girls in the orphanage- says in Aerugonian, sticking her nose in the air. "He has all those weird drawings in his office and he never smiles. I can't wait for Papa to come and take me away from here."

Lola is careful not to bring up the fact that Angelica's father had been arrested for stealing from a military officer, and most likely wouldn't be coming back to take her away.

Angelica was one of the only other children that Lola could physically talk to. The other Aerugonian children were either too young and naive or too old and bitter. Everyone else in the orphanage either spoke Cretan or Ishvalan.

(The Ishvalan kids are quiet, having snuck through the cracks of the civil war. They stick together, and they keep to themselves. They are not allowed to go outside due to the military men that constantly patrol the borders. Their eyes give them away almost instantly.)

Lola hates the military. Hates them with every fiber of her being.

The military had been the ones to take her mother away. They have buried her in a location Lola has no knowledge of, due to how quickly regular funeral homes were filling up.

Maryam and Lola have no other family, no one willing to help her with any arrangements, so Maryam was simply left to the state.

(Lola's mother is gone, and she has no idea where her body rests.)

She fiddles with the ribbon on her wrist. The last thing her mother had given her before-

(Before she decided she couldn't take it anymore.)

"He seems like a nice man." Lola replies back, shrugging her shoulders. Angelica simply shakes her head.

"He's a freak." Angelica states, folding her arms. "Make sure to stay away from him."

Lola simply hums at that, as she allows Angelica to braid her hair.

She doesn't listen of course.

One day, when most of the orphanage is asleep, she untangles herself from Angelica and sneaks down to the basement.

She has never met the janitor, but she has heard stories.

She has heard the man has devilish eyes and claws. That he practices some kind of dark magic, and has satanic symbols scattered across his wall.

Lola wants to see him. She wants to see any magic this world has to offer whether it be good or bad.

She creeps down the stairs, careful not to make a sound, before stopping in front of his door.

Tentatively, she pushes it open.

The room is dark and empty, save for a few nauseating cleaning supplies. Rat traps and feces litter the floor, and Lola covers her nose as she moves forward. Lola squints, before reaching to turn on the lights.

"What are you doing down here?" A scratchy voice interrupts, causing Lola to jolt. The redhead quickly turns around.

The janitor stares down at her, his eyes a dark blue and his hair a stark white. He towers over Lola, and for a moment Lola regrets her decision.

(Except, she's tired of regret. She's tired of being so meek and hesitant.)

"Magic," She says softly, looking up at him. "Can you really do magic?"

The man does not respond, and simply walks past Lola into his room.

"Go back to sleep, little girl." The man replies, but his tone holds no bite.

"Please," Lola begs, walking forward. "They say that you can do magic. Could you show it to me? Please?"

(She wants to see something extraordinary. The days go by and she feels nothing but emptiness. She just wants to feel something again.)

The man sits down, and gives Lola a pitying look.

"It's not magic. " He explains, shaking his head. "There is no magic in this world. It'd be good for you to remember that."

Lola swallows down a lump in her throat, as she takes a step forward.

"Then what is it, if it's not magic?" Lola asks brokenly. The man looks down at his desk, and pulls out one of his fancy drawings.

(An amalgamation of different shapes and designs. There was nothing satanic about it.)

"Science." The man says. "Alchemy."

He claps his hands and places them down on the drawing. Light erupts in the room and Lola is transfixed.

(She has never felt this before. This rush, this excitement. She wants more, she needs more.)

The man has created a simple origami rose. He pats it down, hands it to Lola, and she feels her heart swell.

(It might not be magic, but it's the closest thing to a miracle she has ever seen.)

"Will you teach me?" Lola asks, desperation coating her voice. "Please teach me how to do that."

The man is silent for a few moments, before shrugging his shoulders.

"Sure," He says softly, and Lola realizes that the man isn't a monster at all.

He's lonely, just like she is.

"What is your name?" Lola finally asks him, smiling up at him. The man freezes for a moment, and Lola thinks he won't answer her.

"Khan." The man eventually grunts out. He is turned away from her, but Lola can see that his shoulders are tense.

Lola bows her head.

"Thank you, Mr. Khan." She says softly. "I'll be back to visit you tomorrow."

(Alchemy had started out as her saving grace. The only light she had in her life. If only she knew what it was truly capable of. If only she knew-)

IV. An Abomination (Part 2)

East City, 1914

When they go to Tucker's the next day, Lola immediately makes her way to the library. It had been harder making her way on crutches in the rain, and she desperately needed to have a seat.

Ed and Al had already told her they would go to greet Tucker, and that she could go and get a head start on her research.

The first thing she notices when she makes her way to the library is that Nina isn't there.

Even though she had only known the girl for a short amount of time, she knew that the girl was loud and vibrant. Even though it was raining outside, she had expected the girl to be running around with Alexander in here.

Nina is a bright girl, and Lola thinks she'll grow to do amazing things.

She sits down at her usual spot, and gets to work.

After sitting for a few moments Lola glances at the door, frowning as she realizes that Ed and Al still aren't there.

For a moment she wonders if Tucker is alright. The man had looked a bit sickly the day before, and she could tell that they were low on a few supplies.

Maybe Nina had caught a cold? It was getting close to allergy season, and she had played a lot outside the day before.

(She worries too much. That's all anyone ever tells her once they get to know her. But something just doesn't feel right.)

Lola takes a deep breath, and closes the new notebook she had made Ed buy her. She slowly gets onto her crutches and makes her way to the door, intent to see what's taking the boys so long.

A loud crash causes her to stumble.

The crutches slow her down, and her breathing catches as she hobbles out of the library. She hears yelling-Ed is yelling-but she can't make out his words.

Eventually she makes it to Tucker's room, breathing heavily as she bursts through the doorway.

Ed has Tucker pinned against the wall and Al is standing off to the side. The three of them stare at her, and Lola feels her face warm. As if she's missing something that should be so incredibly obvious.

Ed grits his teeth, his golden eyes narrow and Lola takes a step back.

"Get out of here!" He screams at her, causing her eyes to widen. Tucker smiles at that, and Lola feels sick.

(He hadn't smiled like that before. He had been so sweet before. So polite.)

"You understand, don't you Lola?" Tucker calls out, and Lola wants to shake her head.

(She doesn't understand. She doesn't understand any of what's going on.)

Ed punches the man in the face.

"You bastard!" Ed yells, as he continues to punch Tucker in the face, drawing blood. He sounds anguished. "Don't you dare talk to her! How could you?!"

Lola is frozen in time.

"Lola." Al calls out to her, his voice is much calmer and subdued. "You need to go."

(What's going on? Why are they yelling? What is that awful smell?)

She hears something move closer to her, and the smell grows stronger. Ed and Al are silent, as Lola looks down.

It's a large ugly thing with shaggy brown hair. It's lips begin to twitch, and if Lola didn't know better she would think it was trying to smile up at her.

(What is going on? Where is Nina? Where is Alexander?)

Lola looks around the room, and looks out into the hallways to see if the girl and her dog would pop up. The halls are silent, however.

The thing puts its mouth to the floor, searching for something. After they find it, they go rushing back towards Lola.

The thing holds her mother's blue ribbon in it's mouth. It presents it to Lola as if it's some sort of prize. The same ribbon she had given to Nina the day before.

(Where is Nina? Why does this thing have the ribbon I gave her?)

Lola reaches down to pick up the ribbon, and the creature vibrates with joy.

"She really loves the ribbon you gave her." Tucker says, blood trickling down his face. Lola holds the ribbon in her hands, and looks back towards Tucker. His eyes look deranged. "She couldn't stop talking about it yesterday!"

Ed punches him yet again, and Lola tilts her head curiously.

(Where is Nina? If she had been asleep, wouldn't all of this noise have woken her up?)

The creature pokes its head up at her, and reaches for Lola's pant leg. As it tilts its head and the light of the room catches on it, Lola sees that the creature's hair is the same shade of chestnut as Nina's.

(No.)

It wags its tail, hitting the ground every few moments, and Lola is reminded of Alexander. Of the way the dog had wagged its tail in a lopsided manner, and the way he would tilt his head to the side and examine things in such a curious manner that she hadn't seen in many other dogs.

(No.)

"Wanna play?" The thing-Nina-Alexander-Lola doesn't even know anymore-asks her.

("Thank you big sister!" "Can we play again tomorrow?" "Sister, where did you get that ribbon?")

Al walks forward, and places a hand on top of Nina's head.

"I'm sorry Nina." The boy says, and Lola can tell that he wants to cry by the way his voice breaks, the way his armor shakes. "I'm sorry but we can't fix you. We can't turn you back."

Nina simply looks around while wagging her tail.

"Wanna play?" She asks once again, pawing at Lola's pant leg.

Lola is undone.

When Riza gets the call from Edward, she is taken aback by how defeated the boy sounds.

"Something really bad happened." He says simply, his voice low. "Please get here soon."

When they get to the scene, Tucker is bleeding on the floor, trying to crawl towards his state alchemist watch like it's a lifeline. Riza's eyes widen.

The Colonel snaps to attention immediately, turning towards Edward.

"Fullmetal!" The man barks. "What happened here?"

Edward can't meet the man's gaze, and for a moment Riza is reminded of when she first laid eyes on him three years before.

He is still a child. A child forced to handle things adults twice his age would fail at.

Edward stares down at the ground for a few moments, unresponsive. Eventually he meets the colonel's gaze.

"Nina." Edward chokes out. The colonel's eyes narrow, as Riza's brow furrows.

(Nina. That was Tucker's daughter wasn't it?)

"Da..ddy." Riza's head snaps to the side.

It's a large ugly creature, and it nuzzles into Tucker's side. It looks at the colonel and her with interest, before looking back towards Edward.

"Big brother… Ed." The creature says brightly. Edward's eyes shine, as he hurriedly wipes at his eyes.

The creature Tucker created (Nina. His daughter. He was someone she should've been able to trust.) sits by Tucker's side. As if she was trying to guard him from any punishment.

(Riza's own back aches.)

She turns her head away from the sight.

"Lieutenant," The colonel says, his eyes narrowed as he looks down at Tucker. Eventually he turns away too, walking out the door. "Call in reinforcements."

Riza silently nods her head, and as she also turns away, she catches a glimpse of red hair.

Lola is sitting off to the side, covered by Ed's signature red cloak. Her face is completely blank.

She is clutching onto a blue ribbon, as Alphonse sits beside her. Riza thinks she almost looks like a doll.

Riza wouldn't say that she knew the girl well. She had met her once three years ago when she and the colonel had gone to Resembool. She had seen Edward and Alphonse work tirelessly to try and find her. She knew how important she was to the boys, and she knew the girl had good character and a good heart.

(She knew the girl had a fire within her too. Even though the girl hadn't been able to speak and had bandages wrapped around her throat, she had been able to convey so much emotion through her eyes alone.)

"Lola," Riza says softly, walking towards her. "Are you alright?"

It's a stupid question of course, Riza thinks inwardly shaking her head. Of course she wasn't alright. Nothing about this was alright.

Lola doesn't respond, and she simply turns the ribbon over in her hand. Riza notices that her hands are shaking slightly.

"Lieutenant." The colonel calls once again, and Riza straightens up. She sees Edward standing across the room, glancing over at Lola but careful to keep his distance.

(So many things that need to be said.)

Riza follows after the colonel, the sounds of Nina-or what used to be Nina- following after her.

"Da..ddy." The creature says, as Riza walks out. "Da... ddy."

This is what death must feel like.

Lola does not move, she couldn't even if she wanted to.

It's as if all of her senses have been turned off. She can faintly hear someone calling her name, but she has no control over her body. Her hands are shaking so much that she can't even sign.

(This feeling of dread. It's always there, but recently Lola has been able to push it away. Ignore it momentarily until it is time. She can't do that anymore.)

She wants to die.

She thinks of Nina. Sweet, innocent Nina, and she feels sick. She hates herself for thinking Tucker was a good man, for pitying him.

Nina was a bright girl. She had so much life ahead of her and yet it was taken away so easily.

She hates that Nina, someone who wanted to live, someone who had such a bright future in front of her, someone who-

(Someone who hadn't been broken. Someone who was strong. Someone who deserved to live a long full life was turned into something so horrible.)

It is not fair that someone who has already given up on life is still here, while someone as vibrant and wonderful as Nina will not be.

(Lola is not stupid. She knows there is no way to fix Nina. She knows what will most likely happen to her.)

She will be taken to a lab where she will never know peace ever again. Where she will be poked and prodded at during all hours of the day. Then, when the scientists have learned all they can about her, they will put her down.

Her body is moving, or rather someone is moving her. Lola feels so incredibly cold.

(Nina has been turned into a monster.)

Lola closes her eyes, and lets herself lean into the darkness. She has to push it all away.

When she had been in the orphanage, the matrons had taught all of the kids about religion. About how there was heaven and hell, and if you were lucky you would go to heaven.

(The matrons had prayed over her when she first came in. They had prayed for her mother, and asked whatever Gods they believed in to be merciful to her once she made it to Hell. Suicide was a sin, a sin that was unforgiveable even though Maryam had prayed to a God as well. Even though Maryam had desperately prayed to get better.)

The matrons were wrong, however, because religion didn't take alchemy into account.

Lola has seen hell. The world is hell and alchemy is one of it's many cruel punishers.

Lola is tired. She has had enough.

She falls asleep, and sees Nina in her dreams.

When she wakes up, Lola realizes she has been taken back to the inn. She yawns, her throat hurting a bit, as she tries to make herself comfortable. Even though she has just woken up, she still feels so incredibly tired.

(What happened?)

She tries to recall what has happened the day before, but her mind is fuzzy.

(She went to Tucker's house with Ed and Al. She went to work on her research. She went to see Nina again-)

Something rises in Lola's stomach, as she rushes to the bathroom and vomits.

Lola is shaking, her chest is heaving and it won't stop.

She wants someone to hold her. She wants someone to reassure her and tell her everything is going to be alright. For a moment, she wants Seth.

(Seth was calm, soothing, and uncomplicated. He made things better.)

She wants, she wants-

(She wants to stop feeling like this. The constant worrying that was always proven right. The constant anxiety. She just wants it to stop.)

She turns the volume on the radio up, in hopes of drowning out her sobs.

The next day, Lola does not bother getting out of bed. She watches the ceiling, her head pounding as she aches for a cigarette. But, she realizes she doesn't even have the energy to go across the room and get one.

She has tied the blue ribbon around her wrist once again. It isn't just a reminder of her mother, it's also a reminder of Sara. Of her giving it to the woman before she went off to Ishval, and having it delivered back to her two years later with blood stains on it. Of being told that her and Yuriy's bodies were in a mangled state, and how it might be best for Winry, Granny and her not to see them. Of scrubbing the ribbon clean at night while Winry cried herself to sleep and Granny stared listlessly out the window.

("Big sister!")

Now it's a reminder of Nina.

She keeps hearing Nina's voice, and for a moment she wonders if what her mother had has finally decided to come plague her. Maryam had heard voices too.

(She wants to die. She wants to die. She wants to die.)

Lola pulls the covers over her head.

(Ed and Al do not come to see her. Too busy wallowing in their own grief as well.)

The next day Lola is met with a knock on the door.

Her hair is sticking to her face, and there are dark bags underneath her eyes that Lola knows won't be going away anytime soon. Even so, Lola hobbles over to the door and pulls it open.

(She had been expecting Ed and Al.)

A military officer salutes to her instead, as she blinks at him hazily. He has a slip of paper in his hand.

"Miss Graham." The man starts off, still saluting. "I've been instructed to take you to the train station."

Lola blinks once again.

The officer shows her the slip of paper in his hand, and Lola sees that it's a train ticket to Resembool. A ticket for one purchased by Edward Elric.

They wanted her to go after everything that had happened. They didn't even have the guts to look her in the eye.

Didn't you do the same thing? Just leave without saying goodbye?

Lola clenches her fist.

She turns around, grabs her jacket, and pushes past the officer taking one crutch as she limps out of the inn.

It's raining again, but Lola doesn't care.

She isn't sure where the boys are, she isn't even sure if she'll be able to find them, but she needs to try.

Most stores are closed, and mostly everyone is inside, but Lola keeps going. She leans on her crutch, her breathing getting heavier by the second.

(She's angry, but does she even have the right to be angry? All she knows is that she's been given a chance to see them again, and she has finally been able to truly smile with them again.)

Eventually she sees it, golden hair shining bright in the rain like it belonged to some sort of angel.

(Ed and Al have always looked otherworldly to her. The kind of beauty you had to take time to study.)

Lola walks towards them, before dropping down to her knees.

For once, Ed is the first to notice her.

He doesn't say anything at first, his eyes are blank and eventually he turns away from her again.

"Shouldn't you be on a train?" Ed says, and Lola grits her teeth.

Al raises his head at that, and sees Lola for the first time. He gets to his feet.

"Lola you'll get sick." Al says, as Lola sinks to the ground. But, his voice sounds defeated as well.

(Lola doesn't care what happens to her, and she's so damn frustrated.)

The rain is pouring down hard, and she can feel her clothes begin to get even more soaked.

Lola throws her crutch towards them, not caring that she probably looks insane. Ed's eyes narrow at that.

"What do-"

"Do you want me to hate you?" Lola signs quickly, causing Ed to falter.

"What?" He asks, looking taken aback.

"Do. You. Want. Me. To. Hate. You?" Lola signs once again slowly. For once Ed is completely speechless. Al turns away in shame.

(Why couldn't they get it?)

"Together we go Resembool." Lola signs, her hands trembling. "That is what you said."

(They said they would come with her because she needed the extra courage, the extra push.)

"You hurt me." Lola signs, not looking away as Ed flinches. As Al falters. "You hurt me, and I needed some time to figure things out for myself. My world turned upside down in one night, so I had to leave to try and set it right."

(Clawing at her throat. Having everything pushed into her brain as she desperately tried to get out. "What have I done to deserve this?" An eerie smile she couldn't directly look at. "You interfered.")

Lola takes a deep breath, before looking at them once again.

"I hate that what you guys did affected me." Lola signs, looking at them resolutely. "But I have never once hated you. I-"

She tries to get to her feet. To move a bit closer to them.

("I love you guys." Is what she wants to tell them. She wants to close the barrier that is still separating them.)

But the man with sunglasses beats her to it.

He appears out of nowhere, Lola doesn't even hear him walk by.

One moment she is reaching towards them, the next moment they are even further from her reach.

(They were always so far ahead of her.)

"Are you Edward Elric?" The man asks, and Lola blinks up at him. Something curling in her stomach. His voice is low and filled with hate.

Ed looks up at him, and the man raises his right hand.

Lola lets out a wordless strangled scream.

(Ed is not moving. He looks up at the man, and he has the same look in his eyes that Lola has grown familiar with. He wants to die.)

Run away! She wants to scream, but her body will not let her. Please run away!

Al is quick, and moves Ed out of the way. But the man is relentless. He puts his hand down, and effortlessly destroys the place Ed and Al had just been sitting.

"Run away Lola!" Al calls out to her, as he carries Ed away.

The light returns to Ed's eyes, and he finally snaps out of whatever trance he had been in. He claps his hands, transmuting obstacles as Al and him continue to run.

Ed and Al are running away from the man and all Lola can do is watch. She can barely walk straight, and she isn't delusional enough to think she can take that man in a fight.

"Get out of here, you idiot!" Ed calls back, as Al and him turn the corner. They are moving further and further away.

(No. She still needs to-)

For a moment, she thinks of Mr. Khan.

She thinks of how for a short amount of time he had brought some light into her world. How alchemy had hooked her in with its claws, and made her existence meaningful for just a bit.

Then she thinks of Wagner. How he had been right in front of her, and she couldn't even use alchemy to save him.

(She had made a vow that she would not fall prey to alchemy's clutches. To the delusions it created ever again.)

She sees Ed and Al moving farther away from her, and she grips at the ground. The man is chasing after them, and Lola can see he is ready to kill.

(She does not want to lose them)

She remembers the days they spent together in Resembool. The days they had made her laugh and feel like a human being. She remembers them promising her that they would find a way to get her voice back days after performing human transmutation, even though she couldn't bring herself to believe them.

(She loves them. She cannot lose them because she knows the world will be significantly less bright without them.)

She sees the man continue to pursue them, and for a moment her hands tremble.

She knows what she needs to do, even if every nerve in her body rebels at the thought of it.

Lola claps her hands.

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa.

"This is someone talking"

'This is someone writing'

"This is someone using sign language"

Part I. Knowledge

Resembool 1903

She has been in Resembool for a few months at this point, and the seasons are beginning to change. The winter chill has already taken over the tiny town.

Winry and Lola huddle together at night, covered by multiple blankets, as Lola teaches Winry a few words in Aerugonian.

(The blonde was ecstatic to learn. She said she wanted to know everything there was to know about Lola. Even the language she used to speak.)

One day, Winry tugs her up to the house on top of the hill-the Elric's home. She tightens her scarf around her neck, rubbing at her nose as Winry excitedly tells her that the boys want to show them something.

Aunt Trisha smiles at them as they walk in, standing by the stove.

"Good morning, girls. The boys are in the study." The woman calls out warmly.

"Good morning!" Winry calls out in response, rushing ahead. Lola slows down, however.

(She will never tell anyone this as long as she lives, but Trisha reminds Lola of Maryam. Soft doe eyes, dark brown hair. If her skin had been a few shades darker, they would have almost been twins.)

"Would you like some help, Auntie?" Lola questions, rubbing her hands together to generate some warmth. Trisha simply shakes her head.

"Thank you sweetheart." Trisha says, as she pulls out a box of matches to turn on the stove. "But, I'll be fine. The boys have a surprise for you. Go and play with them."

Lola nods her head, before walking after Winry.

When she comes into the study, her eyes widen at the numerous books that line the walls.

(It was beautiful. She had never seen so many books in one place.)

"This is amazing." Lola says, as she takes a look around. She sits down beside Winry, and she smiles at the boys. "What did you guys want to show us?"

Ed and Al both have pieces of chalk in their hands, and matching grins on their faces.

"Prepare to be amazed." Ed says, as he and Al begin to draw on the ground.

Lola's eyes widen, as the drawing they create takes form into a fusion of different shapes. As she sees the drawing she had spent months practicing with Mr. Khan.

"What is that?" Winry asks, as she moves closer to peer at it. Lola feels her heart lurch.

"It's alchemy." Al tells them proudly.

The boys sit on the opposite side of the transmutation circle, and press their palms down to the ground.

They look at the circle expectantly, their faces souring as nothing happens.

"Is that it?" Winry asks, scrunching her nose. Ed leans back, rubbing the back of his head.

"Did we miss something?" Ed says to no one in particular as he inspects the circle again. Lola hums, as she reaches out a hand.

"Al." She says softly, causing the boy to look at her. "Could you pass me your chalk please?"

Al slowly gives her the chalk, as Lola pushes a strand of red hair behind her ear. She wets her thumb, and erases a part of the circle.

"Lola!"

"What are you doing?" Ed asks, pointing an accusatory finger at her. Lola ignores both of them, as she corrects the mistake they had made.

"You missed a crucial part over here." Lola says, pointing to where she had just drawn. She hands Al back his piece of chalk. "Try it now."

Ed and Al stare at her blankly for a few moments, before pressing their hands against the circle once again.

The blue spark that Lola had fallen in love with appears, and she watches in awe.

A simple wooden doll appears in the middle of the circle, and Lola and Winry clap their hands.

"You know about alchemy too, Lola?" Al asks her, and his eyes are bright. Lola hesitantly nods her head.

"A little bit." She admits, smiling sheepishly. "I can't do much, though."

Ed passes her a piece of chalk, and he has a challenging look on his face.

"Prove it." Ed says, his eyes narrowed. Lola purses her lips, as she takes the piece of chalk from him.

(Ed had always brought out the more competitive side of her.)

Lola takes her time to draw the circle, trying not to falter with three pairs of eyes on her. She can hear Mr. Khan guiding her.

"Take your time, Lola," He had said as she had prepared for her first transmutation. "You need to have a clear mind."

(A clear mind, and steady hands.)

Once Lola finishes, Winry claps her hands in delight.

"That's so pretty, Lola!" The blonde chirps, causing Lola to smile. She knows Winry doesn't have the same interest in alchemy that the rest of them do, she doesn't get that same spark, but even so she's still there cheering them on.

Lola stares down at the circle, checking for any errors, before pressing her hands down onto the floor as well.

She feels a sense of euphoria, as the blue spark appears in front of her. As she moves the particles of the surrounding area to do her bidding.

(This is what she lives for. This rush. This sensation of power and control.)

A toy dog appears in the middle of the circle, and Lola happily hands it to Winry.

She looks over at the boys, only to see that their jaws have dropped.

"You-where did you learn alchemy?" Ed asks, looking down at the transmutation circle and back up at her. His eyes are wide, and for the first time since she's gotten to Resembool he's looking at her with complete respect and admiration. "The only way we were able to learn it is because of these books."

"An old friend taught it to me." Lola says simply, as Winry examines her new toy dog. Lola sheepishly, rubs the back of her head. "I'm not very good yet, however."

"That was amazing Lola!" Al says, his eyes shining as he pulls out one of the books they had used. "Which part did we get wrong again?"

Lola stammers, as the boys begin to ask her question after question.

"When did you first start alchemy?" Ed asks, leaning forward.

"Can you do this?" Al counters, practically shoving one of their books in her face.

"Back up!" Winry says, as Lola's face warms. She places her hands on her hips, and narrows her eyes at the boys. "You're smothering her."

The boys lean back, looking slightly ashamed as they give Lola apologetic glances.

"Sorry." They both chorus at the same time. Lola smiles and shakes her head.

"Don't worry about it." She replies, even though she still feels a bit flustered.

("Lola has come from a bad situation." Sara had told all of them weeks before, when she thought Lola was out of earshot. "I'm trusting all of you to be kind and gentle. Try not to crowd her too much, alright?")

"I don't mind teaching you what I know." Lola says, fiddling with the ribbon on her wrist. "As long as you let me use your books too."

The boys nod their heads eagerly.

"Of course!" Al says, pumping his fist. "Nobody else around here knows alchemy."

Winry looks between them for a moment, before looking down at the transmutation circle stubbornly.

"I want to learn too!" The blonde says, puffing out her cheeks. Lola laughs, and loops her arm with the younger girl.

"Of course, Win." She says cheerfully. "We'll take the time to teach you too."

Winry cheers, as the four of them put their heads together. They spend the rest of the day going over the basics, and seeing who can transmute the biggest item.

She loves Mr. Khan, but she's beginning to realize that the man had been wrong about a few things.

There was magic in the world, she thinks as she sees Ed and Al begin to bicker over the right way to draw the circle. As Winry laughs out loud.

Yes. Lola thinks, as she draws another transmutation circle. I will not give this up for anything.

(Winry is unable to do alchemy. She tries and tries, but she simply has no talent for it. When they realize this, Lola simply gathers her in a hug. She takes a piece of paper, and makes her an origami rose just like Mr. Khan had done for her a year prior. The smile on Winry's face is worth everything, Lola thinks, as she places the flower in the blonde's hair.)

"I don't care about alchemy." Winry tells her a few nights later. "Not really. But… just promise me something, please Lola?"

"Anything." Lola says, burrowing deeper into the blankets.

"Don't go somewhere I can't follow." Winry says, covering her face. "Ed and Al have always had each other, and I know that I have them too, but it was different."

"How so?"

"Ed and Al are brothers." Winry says, as if it should be obvious. "And… even though they're my friends, they always have secrets with each other."

Winry pulls the cover off of her face, and stares at Lola, her blue eyes slightly watery.

"When you came, I finally understood why." Winry says, rubbing at her eyes. "Because… because now we have secrets too. And I always thought that being with you was like what having a sister would be like."

Lola feels her eyes begin to water as well.

"So… just because you like alchemy too, doesn't mean you can leave me behind!" Winry says, her eyes fierce. She hiccups, as she rubs at her eyes. "Because… because you're my person."

Lola stays silent for a few moments, before clearing her throat.

"I don't have any other family." Lola admits, as she turns to fully face Winry. She purses her lips in an attempt to stop from crying. "The few months I've spent here in Resembool are some of the happiest I've ever had."

She reaches out and grabs Winry's hand.

"It's thanks to you." Lola says, and the tears are streaming down her face. Winry starts crying as well. "Grazie per avermi accolto nella tua famiglia."

Thank you for welcoming me into your family.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't spend time with Ed and Al." Winry replies, rubbing at her face. "They're really dumb, so they need all the help they can get."

"Of course," Lola agrees, nodding her head. "Did you know Ed almost fell down the hill yesterday?"

"Al almost walked into a doorpost."

"They're hopeless." Lola and Winry say in unison, before breaking down into laughter.

Winry tightens her grip on Lola's hand.

"I'm glad I have you here to help look out for them too." Winry admits. Lola nods her head.

"But, you're my number one, okay?" Lola promises. "I like Ed and Al, but I'd be lost without you."

"Good!" Winry says cheerfully, swinging her feet in the bed. Her smile turns a bit somber.

"Ed and Al have really big dreams." The blonde says, as she lets out a yawn. She snuggles deeper into the blankets. "I really wanna see them do it."

Lola doesn't respond, but she agrees with the blonde.

Ed and Al are destined for great things. It is simply a fact.

"I love you, Lola," Winry says, as she falls into a deep sleep. Lola simply pats her head.

"Love you too, Win."

V. Strengthened Resolve

East City, 1914

Lola focuses on her leg first. She takes off her cast and rips open her pant leg.

She claps her hands, and she tries to visualize the bones, muscles and tendons in her right leg. She tries to visualize how they connect together, and moves the particles in her leg to where she wants them to go.

She doesn't heal it completely, she's too out of practice, but she's able to smooth over the break. She's able to make the bones a bit stronger than they were before.

She looks up, and sees that the boys are already out of her line of sight.

She claps her hands once again, and presses them down to the concrete.

(What is in concrete? Gravel, sand, cement, and water.)

The blue spark appears, and she pushes the concrete to move her along the ground, using the same idea as when she healed her leg.

This is what she had given up, she thinks, as she glides across the ground. This power, this sense of control.

(It had been too much. You had been too much.)

She listens for where they have gone, doing her best to follow in their tracks. She can see the rubble and destruction that the man leaves in his wake.

(Dark skin, white hair, he looks just like-)

Lola leans forward, pressing her hands to the ground, and prays that she'll make it in time.

Ed is lying down on the ground, struggling to keep himself upright.

"Brother!" Al calls out, struggling to move closer to him. His armor is completely done for, Ed thinks as he grips at the concrete. His seal was completely exposed.

(No matter what, Al has to make it out.)

He looks at his shattered automail arm, and thinks Winry would throw a fit if she was here. One of her prized creations lying in pieces on the floor.

(He wishes he could've talked to Winry and Granny one last time.)

"I will give you a chance to pray to God." The bastard with sunglasses says, as he stands over him. Ed almost wants to laugh.

(God? What kind of God would allow any of this to happen? If there was a God, Ed knew they wouldn't be willing to do him any favors.)

"I don't have any God I want to pray to." Ed says, letting out a heavy breath. He looks up at Al out of the corner of his eyes, and sags forward.

"Is it just me you want to kill?" Ed starts off. "Or do you have business with my brother too?"

The man looks down at him for a few moments, almost as if he's contemplating something, before shaking his head.

"For now, my only business is with you." The man replies, flexing his hand.

For a moment, Ed feels relief.

(He knows it's cowardly and stupid, but he's just so tired. He wants to be able to rest.)

"Promise me you won't harm my brother." Ed says, letting himself take a deep breath.

"What are you doing?!" He can hear Al call out. Al is struggling to move closer to them, but his body-the suit of armor Ed trapped him in-won't let him. "Run away!"

(He wishes he had been stronger. He wishes he could've had the courage to ask Al if he had hated him for putting him into that body.)

The man raises his hands, and Ed closes his eyes.

He always thought death would be a moment of clarity. A moment of relief before the agonizing pain. But, Ed doesn't experience any of that.

He has a lot of regrets, he realizes as the hand comes down. So many things he wasn't able to accomplish.

I wasn't able to save Nina. I wasn't able to get Al his body back. I wasn't able to do anything worthwhile.

He thinks of red hair, amber eyes, and freckled brown skin, and feels himself sag even more.

Did I ever properly apologize to her? For ruining her life?

There are so many things he wishes he could've said to Lola, and he hates that the last thing he'll remember of her is her on the ground in the pouring rain.

Time is moving at a much slower pace, and Ed finally understands what people mean when they say your entire life flashes before your eyes.

"My genius boys!" Mom had called them when they first started alchemy.

Winry and Al making a snowman after a big snowstorm. Granny and him going back and forth over any jabs at their height. Teacher patting him on the back, as he gets his first major transmutation right. Mustang offering him a position in the military. Lieutenant Hawkeye treating him to corn dogs when he first arrives in East City.

A red headed stranger beams down at him, as she grabs his face in her hands.

"You have pretty eyes, Ed."

("I have never once hated you.")

He can die a bit easier knowing that.

"Brother!" Al calls out one last time, and Ed can hear his voice breaking a bit. "Please."

I'm sorry Al. I'm so sorry.

He looks up, and he expects to see a bright light. Something welcoming him into the afterlife. An angel or some supposedly 'divine' thing that is going to pass judgement.

He only sees a flash of red hair.

Ed's eyes widen, as Lola soars through the air. Her amber eyes are narrowed, as she focuses on the man. She claps her hands and as she descends she presses them to the man's back, a spark surrounding her.

(She doesn't need a circle to transmute? He had suspected it, but had never had the guts to ask her if she had seen it. If she had seen the Truth.)

The bastard lets out a grunt, as Lola wraps her arms and legs around the man's torso. The man is much bigger than her, but Lola holds on for dear life.

(He thinks back to her jumping out of the window at the inn, and it is at that moment that Ed realizes Lola has no self preservation.)

She claps her hands once again, but before she can make contact the man simply headbutts her, causing her nose to bleed. She loses balance, as the man pushes her off of him.

Ed can only stare helplessly.

A gunshot rings out as Lola is knocked back a good few feet, and Ed snaps to attention.

The colonel stands a few feet away, raising a gun into the air, and Ed thinks he has never been happier to see the man.

"That's as far as you go." Mustang says, his eyes narrowed.

Lola feels her head swim.

She slowly raises a hand to her nose, wincing at the tenderness and the blood that she draws on her fingers. She claps her hands, and presses them to her nose, smoothing out the fracture.

I'm sorry Wagner, she thinks as she sits up. I couldn't keep my promise.

A military officer hurries to her side, and pulls her away from the scene.

"This isn't the place for civilians." The man says, an easy smile on his face. He has a pair of rectangular black glasses, hazel eyes, and a rather scruffy beard. He smiles down at Lola, and the redhead can't help but smile back even though she was moments away from being destroyed.

"But that was pretty gutsy what you did back there." The man states anyway, once they're safely behind the barrier. He throws a jacket over her. "I'm Hughes, by the way. Maes Hughes."

Lola nods her head, before pointing to her throat, trying to find some way to communicate her situation. The man lets out a hearty laugh.

"Oh, don't worry." The man says waving a hand. "I've been told all about you. You're Lola Graham, right?"

Lola nods her head once again, but this time her face warms. She peeks over the barrier, and sees that the man with sunglasses is having a harder time moving. That his breathing is a bit heavier.

Ever since she was young, even when her mother was still alive, Lola had spent her days looking through medical textbooks. She had spent her days looking over diagrams and visualizing what the inside of the human body looked like, and what components made up a human being. When she had learned alchemy, she had been able to combine the two. To find ways to restructure parts of the human body, if only momentarily.

The man was leaning forward, clutching at his chest, and Lola knew that the more he overexerted himself, the harder it would be for him to breathe.

When she had touched his back, she had tightened some of the bones in his ribcage. The bones protecting his lungs. Not enough to kill him, but enough to slow him down.

If he kept on moving too much, however, Lola wouldn't hold herself responsible for what would happen next.

(This is why she had given up alchemy. It gives her too much power, the illusion that she's more than human.)

She looks over at Ed, but he avoids her gaze. His shoulders are tense as he looks straight ahead. Lola grits her teeth.

(She knows now isn't the right time to speak to him, but for him to just dismiss her.)

Lola takes a deep breath, as the fight in front of her ensues.

The ground beneath them has been destroyed, and the man has escaped into a pile of rubble and smoke.

Lola hopes that he isn't able to make it far.

"Well." Hughes says, as he gets up from behind the barrier. He grins down at Lola, and reaches out a hand to help her up. "It seems like the coast is clear."

"Lieutenant Colonel Hughes!" The shirtless, mostly bald man with pretty blue eyes calls out. "Where exactly have you been?"

"I've been hiding!" Hughes says proudly, and Lola decides right then and there that she likes the man. "And keeping this lovely young lady company."

Lola feels eyes on her, and all she can do is wave helplessly at the multiple military personnel.

"Alphonse!" Lola raises her head, only to see Ed stumbling towards Al. She rushes towards them in an instant.

She jumps back, however, as Al punches Ed in the face.

"You idiot!" Al calls out, picking Ed up the scruff of his shirt. "Why didn't you run away when I told you?! It was almost as if you wanted to die!"

Those words cause Lola to freeze, as she thinks of the look Ed had in his eyes when she had been ready to attack the man. A look of utter defeat and resignation.

She never wants to see that look in Ed's eyes ever again.

"I couldn't just leave you!" Ed retorts.

"It doesn't mean you should give up!" Al responds, his voice growing firmer. "You should never choose to die when there's even the slightest chance you might live!"

Lola drops to her knees, Al's words sinking in.

"You might find a way to restore all of us! You might even find a way to save a little girl like Nina! But, you can't do any of that if you choose to die!" Al says, shaking Ed all the while. "I'll never forgive you if you choose something like that!"

Lola begins to sob.

(She is such a coward.)

Ed and Al both freeze, before slowly turning to her.

Lola kneels over, her forehead pressed to the ground as she covers her head with her hands. Her entire body is shaking.

(She hasn't cried this much in years.)

"L-lola?" Ed calls out slowly, as the girl continues to sob. Lola doesn't cry in public, a fact both of the boys are well aware of, she has never been as open with her emotions as Winry is. "Are you alright?"

She hears a clanging sound, and Al lets out a sound of frustration.

"Great!" He says, sounding done with everything. "Now my arm's fallen off because you're an idiot! And we've made Lola cry again."

Lola shakes her head, as she shakily raises herself up.

"I love you guys." Lola signs, as Ed's face turns a beet red. "I love you guys so much."

The boys don't respond to that at first, as Lola crawls closer to Ed.

"I kept thinking, that if that man killed you I would never get to tell you that again." Lola signs, as Ed stares at her with wide eyes.

She waits until she is inches from his face, before glaring at him.

"I don't hate you." Lola signs again, her brows furrowed as big fat tears continue to come down her face. She feels a bit childish. "But, if you ever dismiss me like that again, and make me feel that horrible, I will never forgive you."

Ed simply nods his head hurriedly, still not sure how to deal with the fact that she won't stop crying.

"Together we go Resembool." Lola signs yet again. "Together."

She grabs him by his shoulders, and presses her forehead against his.

Please don't die. That is what she wants to tell them.

But does she have the right? Does she have the right to say that after what she plans to do?

( "You should never choose to die when there's even the slightest chance you might live!")

Al's words ring clear in her head, and Lola can't help but realize that he was right, and if he knew what she planned to do he would be so disappointed in her.

She thinks of Maryam, and grits her teeth.

(I'm not as strong as you were Mama. But, even so, I still need to keep going.)

So, for now, she will try. She will try to fight because the boys are fighting as well, and she owes it to them. She owes it to Winry as well.

(She is scared, but she needs to push through.)

"Please don't die. Promise me." She signs, sobs wracking her body as she presses her forehead against Ed's. Even though she has a few good inches on the blond, she still feels so small compared to him. "Please."

(She thinks of her mother laying on the bathroom floor. Of Sara and Yuriy leaving, promising to return, only to come back in body bags. Of Trisha smiling up at her, and making her promise she would watch after Ed and Al. Of Wagner coughing on the floor while Lola stood there helplessly.)

Losing someone you loved was like losing a part of your soul. Lola does not think she has much of her soul left to spare.

Her hands begin to shake, as Ed puts his remaining hand on top of her head.

His hand is warm and comforting, and it only spurs Lola to cry even harder.

(Even though she was older, there were so many moments when Ed could be so much more dependable.)

"We won't die, Lola." Al says softly. "We still have to get our bodies back, and heal you remember?"

Lola nods her head, rubbing at her eyes as Ed smiles at her.

(The first time he's truly smiled at her since they were able to meet again.)

"We won't die." Ed says softly. "Sorry for worrying you."

Lola buries her face into Ed's shirt and wails, taking note of the many people watching the scene. She can't allow herself to feel any embarrassment, however.

(Right now, she is going to try and live on. She thinks it might be the hardest and most terrifying thing she's ever done.)

"Look at us, Al." Ed says, his tone light. "We really suck don't we? We look like we belong in a junkyard."

Al laughs at that.

"But, we're alive Brother." Al says with a sense of clarity, as people come over to them. Riza wraps her jacket around Ed, and places a comforting hand on Lola's shoulder as the girl continues to break down. The sun is beginning to come out.

"We're alive."

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa.

"This is someone talking"

'This is someone writing'

"This is someone using sign language"

Part I. Knowledge

Fotset 1902

"One of the Ishvallan kids was taken away." Angelica tells her one night in a hushed voice. It was particularly loud that day, the sounds of gunshots not too far away.

The Aerugonian troops were beginning to fight back harder than ever, and the battle over the border was starting to pick up. Some of the older kids in the orphanage had even begun to talk about enlisting in the Amestrian military.

Enlisting in the military meant you were granted full Amestrian citizenship, something many people in the orphanage desperately craved. It made Lola feel a bit sick.

(Fotset had originally been Aerugo's land. Amestris had come in and taken it just like it had done to multiple other countries. Yet they were still able to paint themselves as the 'good guys'.)

Lola knows better than that. She has begun to realize that there are no truly good people. Especially if you were in the military.

(She remembers making the call after finally opening the bathroom door. Her voice breaking as the operator told her in a bland disinterested voice that someone would be there shortly. The military police came in without a care in the world, as they looked down at her mother with pity.

"It's a shame." She had heard one of the men say, as she picked out a few words of Amestrian. "I heard the woman was sick in the head. It was only a matter of time I guess."

Lola freezes when she hears that, she places a hand over her mouth as the men begin to cart her mother's body away.

The men are still talking, they don't seem to know how to shut up.

"She was pretty cute too." One of the other men says. They think Lola can't understand them. "But didn't she come from Aerugo? Why are we wasting our time picking up one of them?"

Lola can't breathe.

She clutches at her chest, and she feels as if her heart is going to collapse as one of the military men-the same man that said he found her dead mother attractive- kneels down next to her. He places a smile on his face, trying to paint himself as some sort of a savior.

"Are you alright?" He says in Aerugonian, ruffling Lola's hair. "You're very brave for being able to call for help. I'm sorry that this happened to you."

Lola stares at the man, and for the first time in her life Lola knows what it means to hate. She sees his military uniform, and wants to rip it apart.

"Well?" The man asks yet again.

Lola vomits on the man's shoes.)

"What did he do?" Lola asks Angelica, pushing those memories out of her mind. Angelica shakes her head.

"He tried to attack a military officer." Angelica says, letting out a sigh. "It was so stupid. He should've known nothing would come from it."

"What did the officer do?" Lola asks, gripping at the blankets. Angelica scoffs at that.

"What they always do." She says, her voice growing tense. "They made some stupid comment, and the boy couldn't just walk away."

Lola breathes through her nose, and the feeling of nausea begins to rise in her stomach yet again.

"What do you think will happen to him?" Lola asks, even though deep down she knows the answer.

"He's Ishvallan." Angelica says, as if the answer should be obvious. "If they don't decide to be merciful and jail him, I heard the matrons say he could be hanged for this. Especially with everything happening with the Civil War. The military officer is in really bad shape."

(The Amestrian military had started the civil war, something that was common knowledge to all of them. She had said this once to one of the matrons, and hadn't been given dinner that night. She had been made to write lines, with Angelica having to sneak her some food. You never speak badly about the military, it was one of the unspoken rules.)

"I hate them." Lola says anyway. Angelica simply shrugs, before turning over to go to sleep.

"We all hate them." The girl says softly, patting Lola's head. "But, there's nothing we can do."

VI. One Step Forward

East City, 1914

The hospital room is quiet when Ed wakes up, he lets out a deep breath as he pushes himself up into a seated position.

(He remembers being put into a car. Lola sobbing as the MPs came to collect Al, and as they placed her in a car as well. Her pleading for them not to die.)

Something settles at the pit of his stomach, as he leans back against the bed frame.

He has seen Lola cry a total of three times in all the years he has known her. He has only been the cause of it once.

(After that night, when she found out she couldn't speak anymore. When no matter how much she tried, she could only make certain noises. He had never seen her break down like that before.)

Now he was the cause of it twice, and all he knew was that he didn't want to be the cause of it three times.

(He had been an asshole towards her, all because he couldn't deal with his own shit.)

He turns his head to the side, and sees Lola sitting at his bedside, fast asleep. Bandages are wrapped around her head, and her hair has been placed into a loose bun leaving her earrings fully exposed. She is wearing a flowy long skirt, and a white dress shirt that he's almost positive isn't hers due to how loose it is.

She has a bruise on her face from when that bastard had pushed her back. Bright red clashes against brown skin from when she had jumped in to try and save him.

Even so, she looks so peaceful.

(Damnit.)

"Are you alright, Brother?" A voice asks, snapping Ed out of his thoughts.

Ed snaps his head to the side.

Al has been placed in a box, his suit of armor in tatters.

"I'm fine." He says, wincing as he tries to sit up straighter. He smiles over at him, ignoring the slight aches in his body. "What about you, Al?"

"I'll be fine when I can get up and move again." Al says, oddly cheerful even though his body is in pieces.

Lola grimaces as her eyes blink open. She lets out a yawn as she stretches slightly. She looks over towards Ed and beams.

"Glad to see you're awake." She signs, rather happily considering what had happened only hours before.

(How can she still worry about him?)

"Are you alright?" Ed asks, his voice a bit softer. Lola simply nods.

"I'm fine." She signs, still beaming. "Just a few bumps and bruises."

Ed is silent for a few moments, not quite sure what to say, before Lola reaches over and pinches his shoulder.

"Ow-"

"Stop looking so guilty." The redhead signs, her brow furrowed. "I chose to jump in. Was not your fault."

Ed nods his head as the door to his hospital room opens.

Hughes peeks his head in, and waves as he walks into the room.

"Am I interrupting something?" The man asks, the same easy smile on his face. Lola shakes her head as the man comes closer to them.

"Edward." The man says, looking a bit disappointed. "Lola's been waiting patiently by your bedside for you to wake up. You never keep a girl waiting."

Ed sputters at that, as Lola tilts her head curiously.

"Don't say stuff like that!" Ed exclaims, his face hot. "We're just friends."

Lola is looking at him with wide eyes now.

"What?" The blond asks eventually. Lola shakes her head once again.

"First time you have said we were friends since meeting again." The redhead replies with a goofy smile on her face, swinging her feet. "Makes me happy."

Ed simply runs a hand over his face, as Lola continues to smile happily, placing her head in her hands. Hughes laughs in the background.

Ed wants to go back to sleep.

Lola places her hands on her hips as she looks over her hotel room. Her belongings, however few, have been packed. Riza had also been kind enough to give her a few pieces of clothing to use.

She smiles, even though the action doesn't feel completely natural.

It's a beautiful day and the birds are chirping. She should smile and be happy.

(She has decided to live. She has decided to fight.)

The thought of it makes her want to crawl under the covers and never come out.

When she had made the decision to die, she hadn't been happy about the matter, but she had been resigned to it. Now, however, all she feels is a crippling weight.

(She had only planned out the next few years of her life. Finish Wagner's research, make amends with the boys and Winry, go back to Barcombe to help with the clinic.)

Now, she has to plan for much more.

She looks at the pack of cigarettes on her nightstand, and resolves to throw them out. Deciding to live also meant she needed to take better care of herself.

She looks at the pack of cigarettes, and her fingers twitch, her palms begin to sweat.

Eventually she just tosses them in her suitcase.

(Quitting was a process. She couldn't just rush it.)

The boys were at Eastern command, going over the events of the day with their commanding officers. They said they would be back to pick her up soon.

With Ed's automail destroyed, it meant he couldn't do alchemy. It also meant that he would need to go get it repaired.

They were finally going back to Resembool, and she would be seeing Winry for the first time in over three years.

She wonders how much the blonde has changed.

(Lola hadn't changed too much. She had gotten earrings, grew slightly taller and was finally gaining some of her mother's curves. But, nothing too drastic or unpredictable.)

She takes a deep breath, as she goes to pick up her suitcase.

Al had said Winry didn't hate her, and she trusts Al's judgment. She needs to face her head on.

("Never leave me, okay Lola?")

She needs to apologize.

Lola looks over her hotel room, making sure that she had left nothing behind, before turning off the lights and walking out.

Lola looks up at the man with pretty blue eyes, he's so incredibly bright.

"It is an honor to meet you, Lola Graham!" The man says, his voice booming as Ed looks up at him with pure annoyance. He takes out a handkerchief and wipes at his eyes. "You are truly heroic!"

Lola blinks up at him, before looking back towards Ed. The blond sags forward.

"He knows everything." He says, sounding drained. "About what happened to us."

(How many people knew?)

Lola sighs, before moving to pick up her suitcase. The man beats her to it, however.

"Allow me." He says, and Lola swears that the man is sparkling as he takes both her and Ed's suitcase out to the back of the train.

She and Ed are alone now, and Lola would be lying if it wasn't a little awkward without Al there as a buffer.

(She had clung to him in front of a crowd of people, begging for him and Al not to die. She was so embarrassed-)

She had never been shy about telling the boys and Winry that she loved them, especially after Sara and Yuriy had passed. But, to break down crying in front of a crowd full of people while she begged them not to die was something she was a bit unfamiliar with.

"Winry will be happy to see you." Ed says breaking the silence. Lola purses her lips at that, staring down at her shoes.

"Made promise to never leave her." Lola signs, her shoulders sagging. "Yet, I couldn't keep it."

(She knew Winry would be forgiving, but she wasn't sure if she deserved her forgiveness.)

"Don't be an idiot," Ed says, walking up beside her. "Winry isn't the type to hold grudges. Relax."

Lola watches his back, gripping at her skirt momentarily.

She needs to do this, no matter how much it scares her.

She takes one step forward, following him into the train and maneuvering through the crowd.

(She will not run. For once in her life, she will be strong.)

She takes a seat near the far end of the train, and takes a deep breath.

Resembool used to be her haven, but now it holds negative memories for her as well.

The months after the failed transmutation had been hard, and Lola isn't sure if she's ready to relive that.

The man with pretty blue eyes comes bounding towards them, towering above almost everyone on the train. He takes the seat next to Ed, squishing him against the window.

She hears a knock on the window, and turns her head to see the same scruffy bearded guy who had kept her company throughout the attack, and after she and the boys had been taken to the hospital.

(He is military, but Lola can't hate him. He is so unbelievably warm, and he reminds Lola of Yuriy.)

"The guys from HQ were too busy to stop by," Hughes says, leaning against the window. "So they sent me instead. I've got a message from Roy."

Lola's face sours, as Ed perks up just a bit.

"From the colonel?"

"Yup." Hughes says, nodding his head solemnly. "He said 'The paperwork will be a pain. So I order you not to die under my jurisdiction.'"

Lola twitches at that, as Ed clenches his fist.

(She knows the man is only joking, but the wound is still very fresh. Ed had almost died only a few hours before.)

"Tell him 'Roger that, I promise not to die before you, Colonel Bastard.'" Ed says, causing the man to laugh out loud.

"People like you and Roy are sure to live a long time." Hughes says, his voice booming. He looks over towards Lola, and his smile grows even more. "It was a pleasure to finally meet you, Lola. Make sure to take care of her, alright Ed?"

Hughes salutes them, as Ed and the man salute back. Lola simply waves as the train begins to pull out.

(She wants to hate the military. A good majority of them are rotten bastards who deserve nothing but suffering.)

But, then she thinks of Riza and how the woman had been so kind to her when they had first met even though Lola had shown her nothing but hatred. She thinks of the boys, and how they had been forced to join the military but still hadn't changed deep down. She thinks of Hughes, and of how good natured the man was. How warm he was.

She looks up at the man that has been assigned to guard Ed and Al, and notices that he is still smiling brightly.

She nudges Ed's foot once again.

"What is his name?" Lola signs sheepishly, motioning towards the man. Ed blinks, before signing back.

"Arm strong." The blond signs with his left hand. "Major Arm Strong."

Lola pulls out her notepad, before nudging the tall man with her foot.

'You have pretty eyes, Major Armstrong.' She writes, beaming up at him.

Not all military was bad, and it was time she started giving them the benefit of the doubt.

The man cries at that, and attempts to reach over and crush Lola in a hug. The train is too cramped, however.

"Thank you, Lola Graham." Major Armstrong says, wiping at his eyes, crushing Ed against the window even more. "You are much too kind."

Lola is a bundle of nerves.

She picks at her mother's ribbon, tying and untying it around her wrist as she stares out the train window.

(It was all becoming so real. She didn't know if she was ready.)

"When was the last time you saw Winry?" Lola signs, fidgeting in her seat. "Was she well? I hope she hasn't been pulling too many all-nighters."

"She was fine." Ed tells her, his chin resting in his palm. "Stop worrying so much. Everything will be fine."

Lola purses her lips and continues to fiddle with her ribbon.

She thinks of chestnut hair and bright childish laughter and her stomach turns.

"Nina." Lola signs, looking down at her lap. "Something happened to her, didn't it?"

(She knows something has happened, but she's been too afraid to ask.)

Ed is silent for a few moments, a myriad of emotions pulsing through his face. Eventually, he meets Lola's gaze head on.

"Nina died." Ed signs, and Lola brings a hand up to her mouth. "The man that attacked us is the culprit."

Lola looks down at the blue ribbon, the ribbon she had given to the girl only days prior, and she says a silent prayer.

She is not a religious person, she will never be a religious person, but she wants to believe that there's something beautiful waiting for Nina in the next life. That the little girl will be given a second chance and that any of the gods waiting to pass judgment will give her the happiness she wasn't able to receive in this life.

She thinks it's what her mother would've done.

She grabs Ed's hand because she knows how hard this must be for him as well. The blond doesn't push her away.

They sit in silence for a few moments, Ed getting ready to fall asleep, only to jump when Major Armstrong moves to lean out the window.

"Dr. Marcoh!" The man calls out, and for some reason the name makes Lola's head hurt. Something in the back of her mind itches.

A rather plain looking man looks back, his eyes widening as he catches sight of Major Armstrong.

"It is I, Alex Louis Armstrong from Central!" The man says in a booming voice. Lola's slightly envious of how far he's able to project. Even when she had been able to talk, her voice hadn't been anywhere near as loud.

Marcoh simply jets away at a speed Lola didn't think he should've been capable of at his age.

She puts a hand up to her temple, and her head is pounding. She can hear the major telling Ed something, but she can't comprehend his words.

(What is wrong with me? Why do I feel-)

Ed grabs at her arm, his eyes determined.

"We're getting off." He tells her, pulling her along. Lola blinks at that, slightly disoriented.

"Resembool?" She signs with her free hand. Ed shakes his head.

"Not yet. That guy knows about medical alchemy." Ed tells her, and his eyes are bright. "So he might know about biological transmutation too!"

Which could lead to the Philosopher's stone.

Lola nods her head at that, as Ed yells to the major to unpack their luggage and to get Al out of the livestock cart.

He hasn't let go of Lola's hand in his excitement, he probably didn't even realize, but Lola doesn't mind. They used to hold hands all the time when they were younger even though the blond would deny it to his dying breath.

It meant things were finally mending between them, and Lola could breathe a bit easier.

As they walk through the tiny town, Lola can't help but think of Barcombe-the town she had done her apprenticeship in. It was tiny, remote, and she could tell the people were close knit.

(She wonders if her letters had gotten to Seth yet.)

When they find the man's house, after talking to multiple passerby, Lola's right leg begins to ache.

(She hadn't healed it completely, she had only masked the problem momentarily.)

She leans on Ed for a moment, as he goes to knock on the door.

Her eyes widen, however, as Ed is met with the barrel of a gun.

(She will not lose anyone else.)

Lola grips onto Ed's jacket, pulling the boy back as he flails. The bullet narrowly misses him.

Marcoh is trembling, as he shakily holds onto the gun.

"What did you come here for?" The doctor asks, his eyes filled with fear. "Did you come to take me back?"

"Please calm down," Major Armstrong says, holding Al in one arm and trying to placate the nervous man with the other. The man simply shakes his head.

"I won't go back there. I just won't!" Marcoh says, his eyes flitting in every direction. "You can't make me!"

His eyes land on Lola and his face turns white.

"Maryam?" He says softly, as if he was speaking to a ghost. Lola feels a lump form in her throat.

(She hadn't heard her mother's name spoken aloud in years.)

"I said to calm down!" Major Armstrong eventually yells, throwing the crate that held Al towards the man. Lola is frozen in place, however.

(How did he know her mother? Did he make a mistake?)

"Who's Maryam?" Ed whispers to her, taking note of the look on her face. Lola bites down on her lip hard.

(That's right, she had never told any of them about her mother. She had mentioned her name to Winry once in passing, but that had been it. It wasn't that she had been ashamed; she simply wanted to keep those parts of her life separate.)

"No one." Lola signs simply, before walking into the house. Ignoring Ed's curious look.

(Yes, she had loved Maryam. But, she can't remember much of the time she had spent with her, her brain having blocked almost everything out. When she thinks of Maryam, all she can think about is constant pain, a few prayers, and finding her on the bathroom floor. When she thinks about what a 'mother' should be, and the roles they should fulfill, the first person that comes to mind will always be Sara.)

Dr. Marcoh is fidgeting, and he's careful to avoid Lola's gaze as they all sit down at the table.

"I couldn't go on." The man says, wringing his hands together. "Even though it had been an order from above, I just…"

The man trails off for a moment, before steeling himself. Lola furrows her brow, not quite sure what he's getting at.

"And then it was used as a weapon of mass destruction." The man says, looking plain tortured, and Lola reaches out a hand to comfort him.

He flinches back, however, as he finally meets her gaze. He looks terrified of her.

Lola tactfully retreats her hand.

"What was it, Dr. Marcoh?" Major Armstrong finally asks, and Lola thinks this is the most mature she's seen him so far.

Marcoh gulps.

"I made a philosopher's stone." He says, and Ed leans forward at that. "I have the research files and a copy of the stone with me."

(She hadn't allowed herself to get her hopes up. She had known better than that. But, for Marcoh to say that he had a copy of the stone with him. For him to say that he had research files right in thai very room. She felt so incredibly hopeful.)

She looks down at Al in his crate, and smiles.

(After years of searching, the boys could finally rest.)

The man pulls out a vial of red liquid, and pours it onto the table. Lola leans closer to it, as Ed pokes it with his finger. She winces slightly, as she leans back.

The pain in her right leg is stronger than ever. The bandages that had been placed on it, and the painkillers she had been given were not doing enough to help with the pains.

(The scuffle she had with Scar had affected her more than she thought.)

"Are you alright?" Dr. Marcoh asks, addressing her for the first time. His eyes are still afraid, but even so he meets her gaze head on.

The pain in her head worsens as she looks into his eyes.

(She has met this man before. She does not know where or how, but his presence is too familiar.)

Lola points down to her right leg, and pulls out her notepad. The doctor gives her a confused look.

"Can you not speak?" The man asks, and Lola nods her head.

'I injured my right leg a few weeks ago.' she writes, as she adjusts herself in her seat. 'I was able to partially heal it, but not all the way.'

The man hums at that, before pointing towards her leg.

"May I?" He asks, meeting her gaze momentarily before sharply turning away. Lola purses her lips, nodding her head as she watches him work.

He was much more graceful when it came to alchemy than her; he had a methodical way of going about it. While Lola had to take her time to properly visualize things, the man was able to heal her leg in an instant.

She looks down at her leg appraisingly, before grinning up at him. The man seems shaken.

"Tell him I said thanks." She signs towards the boys, before reaching out and shaking his hand.

Ed rolls his eyes, as Al laughs slightly.

"She says 'thank you'." Al explains, as the man nods his head.

"It-it was no problem." The man says. Ed slams a hand on the table, as he grins at Dr. Marcoh.

"Dr. Marcoh, can you show me the research files you took?" Ed asks, and Lola realizes that she likes seeing him like this. His eyes are bright and full of wonder, just like when they used to do alchemy together.

"Armstrong." Dr. Marcoh says truly looking at Ed for the first time. "Just who are these kids?"

"This boy is a State alchemist." Major Armstrong says, causing the man to sag even further.

"They're bringing children into this mess now." The Doctor says, rubbing a hand over his face. He peeks up at Ed. "I'm sorry, but I can't show you my research."

She hears Ed protest at that, but her head begins to swim once again.

(She doesn't know why, but being near this man gives her a great sense of nostalgia. If only she could place where she knew him from. He had to have known her mother.)

Ed pushes his chair back in as he stalks out of the room. Major Armstrong follows after him, picking up Al and nodding towards Dr. Marcoh.

Lola remains frozen, however. She stares at Dr. Marcoh, as the man fidgets under her gaze.

"You're Maryam's daughter, aren't you?" He asks finally, his voice resigned. "You're Lola?"

Lola nods her head, as his eyes begin to lighten.

"How is Mary?" The man asks, looking so incredibly hopeful that Lola's heart hurts. "Is she well?"

'How did you know my mother?' Lola writes, ignoring Ed's calls. The man looks down at his shoes once again.

"I- we were old friends." The man settles on. "She was on a research team of mine before I went to Ishval. Is she well?"

Lola stares at the man, her eyes narrowed. Eventually she shakes her head.

(How could he not know if he had claimed to be a friend?)

'She passed away over a decade ago.' Lola writes, feeling slightly guilty as the man drops to his knees.

"Oh." He says, his voice shaking. He looks as if he's about to cry. "Is that so?"

Lola stares down at him, before crouching down next to him.

(She is still a bit conflicted when it comes to alchemy, or anything alchemy related. But, the Philosopher's Stone is the one thing giving the boys hope. It is one of the main things that is keeping them going, and she truly wants them to get it.)

'Those boys are some of the best people I know.' She writes simply. 'If you claim to be a friend of my mother's, then please help out her daughter. Those boys are not evil and they have the purest of intentions.'

The man looks at her notepad, before shaking his head.

"It doesn't matter how 'pure' their intentions are." He says, shakily getting to his feet. "This road isn't a path for the faint hearted, and if they are as pure as you say they are, this will not help them."

Lola purses her lips at that, fiddling with the ribbon on her wrist. Marcoh's eyes bug out of his head, as he looks down at it.

"You still hold onto that." He says, his eyes filled with wonder, and Lola feels something burn within her.

(Why is this man acting so familiar? Why does he know me? If he was so close to my mother, then where was he?)

"Do you remember me?" The man asks, and Lola wants to scream.

(Yes. No. Maybe.)

'Should I?' Lola writes instead, and the man shakes his head.

"No." He says simply, looking defeated. "I guess not."

They stand there awkwardly for a few moments, before Lola turns away.

'Thanks for healing my leg,' She writes again, before turning away. Marcoh does not answer, as Lola closes the door behind her.

Lola fans herself with a spare newspaper, as they all wait for the next train.

"What will you boys do now?" The major asks them, as Ed sits back.

"We still plan to get our bodies back." Ed says resolutely. "That plan hasn't changed. We just need to find a better way of going about it. We can't rob this town of its life support. Right, Al?"

"Right." The suit of armor responds. Lola beams at that.

(She really loves them. Even though they've been through so much, they're always able to pick themselves back up.)

"That reminds me." Ed says, looking up at the Major. "Do you plan to report Dr. Marcoh back to Central?"

Major Armstrong simply smiles, still shining brightly.

"I have no idea what you are speaking of." The man says. "We only met a small town doctor called Dr. Mauro today."

(Even though he's military, Lola can't hate this man either. She really has changed.)

"Lola." Al starts off after a few moments of silence, catching Lola's attention. "Why did you stay behind to talk to Dr. Marcoh?"

She feels herself begin to sweat, as two sets of eyes turn to her.

(She cannot tell them. Not yet at least.)

"He had me confused with someone else," Lola signs, making sure Al is able to see. "I just wanted to clear some things up."

Al lets out a sound of understanding, but Ed remains quiet. He stares at her momentarily, before leaning back once again.

"If you say so." The blond says.

"Hey!" A familiar voice calls out, Lola turns her head to the side.

Dr. Marcoh comes rushing towards them, slightly out of breath. He holds an envelope in his hands.

"Here." he says, handing the envelope to Ed. "This is where most of the research is located."

His eyes grow tense as he stares at Ed.

"Uncover the truth behind the truth." Marcoh says, and Lola blinks at that.

("Hello there, Lola Graham." The being had said to her. It had been more than human. Marcoh couldn't be talking about that, could he?)

He looks over at Lola once again before turning away.

"I've said too much." He says sadly. "I pray you all restore your bodies."

Lola watches him go, and for a moment she wants to run after him. She wants him to tell him all he knows about her mother so that she can finally paint a clearer picture of the woman in her head. So that she doesn't have to rely on old pictures and faint lullabies that the woman used to sing to her.

(She wants to stop hesitating.)

But, even though she likes to think she is changing, Lola is still a coward.

She watches him go, and she feels herself deplete.

(Not yet. She is not strong enough yet.)

She follows the boys and the major onto the train.

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa.

"This is someone talking"

'This is someone writing'

"This is someone using sign language"

Part I. Knowledge

Resembool 1914

When the train finally comes to a rumbling stop, Lola feels a wave of calm rush over her. Which was ridiculous seeing how anxious she had been on the entire train ride here.

It reminds her of the first time she had ever come to Resembool. She never in a million years thought that such a tiny town would be anything special, but she was immediately drawn to it. She certainly never thought she would meet such amazing people here.

She trails after Ed and the Major, walking down the familiar dirt road to the Rockbell's home.

(The last time she had been here, she had been running away in the middle of the night. Sneaking out and hoping nobody would hear her. At that moment, she didn't think she would ever return. She had been too emotional.)

Now, she is walking back in the middle of the day, hoping that she'll be able to gain some sense of normalcy again.

People wave towards them as they walk through, and Lola is surprised anyone still remembers her.

Resembool is a small town, the voice in her head says. They don't forget one of their own.

She clutches at her suitcase as the Rockbells' house finally comes into full view. She stops, her legs rooted firmly in place. Ed stops alongside her.

"You said you would stop running away." The boy gently reminds her. Lola shakily nods her head, as he bumps his shoulder against hers.

As she walks closer to the house, she can't help but think about Granny as well. Winry had a loud unbridled type of anger, similar to Ed; that was something Lola could handle even though it would hurt. What she can't handle, however, is Granny's quiet disappointment.

It's not too late to run, the voice in her head says.

Lola purses her lips, but she continues on.

She will not run. She will stop being a coward.

"If I try to run." Lola signs, grabbing onto Ed's jacket with a look of utmost importance. "Tackle me to ground."

Ed gives her a weird look at first, before eventually nodding his head. Lola takes a deep breath as they continue down the hill.

Granny Pinako is standing outside talking to a man that Lola can only assume to be a customer.

She has not changed, Lola is glad to see. She has not changed at all.

The woman looks up, and the first people she sees are Ed and the Major holding Al's crate. Lola is trailing behind.

"Hey Granny Pinako!" Ed calls out, waving his only hand. "We need your help again!"

The woman smiles up at them. She still hasn't seen Lola yet, and the redhead isn't sure when the best time to make herself known will be.

"This is Major Armstrong." Ed says, introducing the muscular man. Den hops up onto Al's crate, sniffing at the suit of armor as Lola comes closer. The dog freezes as she takes Lola in.

Before Lola even has a chance to comprehend it, Den tackles her to the ground. Barking and licking at her face as Granny and Ed make jabs about each other's heights.

Lola beams as she rubs behind the dog's ears. She looks up and freezes, however, once she realizes all the attention is on her.

Granny Pinako is silent for a few moments as Lola gets to her feet, Den still hanging off of her.

(Please don't be angry with me.)

She looks up at Lola and chuckles, almost as if Lola had simply gone to the market and hadn't been gone for three years.

"Well." The woman starts off, her voice warm. "It's about time you found your way home. It seems like you've gotten into a bit of trouble yourself."

(Home. This is still her home.)

Lola smiles down at Granny, as she crouches down.

"I'm home." Lola signs, a wobbly smile on her face. "I'm sorry for worrying you."

The woman snorts at that, simply shaking her head.

"You foolish girl." She says warmly. "Give this old woman a hug."

Lola crushes Pinako in a hug, taking everything in. The smell of smoke and the fresh countryside air.

(She is home, and Granny is not disappointed in her. She feels a bit lighter.)

She hears a clanging sound and turns back to see a wrench embedded in Ed's head.

"Ed!" Winry calls out, and Lola is taken aback at how much older the girl looks. "Didn't I tell you to make an appointment before stopping by?!"

"What the hell, Winry!" Ed calls out, rubbing at his head. "Are you trying to kill me!"

Winry laughs at that as she leans on the railing.

"Welcome back!" She calls out, all smiles as she waves at them.

Her eyes land on Lola, however, and she freezes. The smile leaves her for a moment.

Lola takes a deep breath.

(She needs to be brave.)

Lola stands up straight and waves up at the blonde. Amber eyes clashing against a bright blue.

"I'm back." She signs simply, smiling up at Winry.

VII. Reunion

Resembool 1904

Even though Sara is a disaster in the kitchen, the one thing she prides herself on is her famous apple pie.

It's the one thing she can make well, and the one thing that's a consistent hit throughout the town.

Lola and Winry stand by her side in the kitchen, Winry standing on a stepping stool, as they wash all of the apples and Sara tells them stories of her youth. They are making apple pie for some of the patients in the town clinic.

These are the moments she lives for, Lola thinks as Winry accidentally spurts water onto her apron. The redhead laughs, as Sara helps the blonde clean up.

"My mother taught me this recipe." Sara tells them, beaming. "I'm just glad I have two beautiful daughters I can teach it to as well."

(Lola's heart bursts whenever Sara refers to her as her daughter. She always has to orient herself whenever she hears that. A part of her wonders if it's a betrayal to Maryam, but another part of her pushes those thoughts away.)

Yuriy and Granny Pinako are in the living room, arguing about something automail related. Once the apple pies are put into the oven, Lola, Sara and Winry join the conversation too.

The Rockbells all have a love of automail; Lola swears it's something that's passed down. Even Winry's eyes light up when met with the subject.

(Lola cannot relate. She respects automail, thinks it's interesting enough, but she does not have that same spark. Alchemy is her spark.)

She could not relate to them about automail, but she would perform shows for them with her alchemy. Making different origami shapes that Den would inevitably start gnawing on. Making paper based automail limbs that Winry absolutely loved.

"You're amazing, Lola!" Yuriy always tells her, ruffling her hair, and it just spurs her to keep going.

That night, when the apple pies are packed, when they are done with dinner and Pinako has gone back down to her workshop, Yuriy and Sara sit them down before bed.

"Girls." Sara starts off, and her eyes are watering a bit so Lola puts herself on the defensive.

(Are they ok? Did something happen?)

She tugs at her mother's ribbon on her wrist, as Yuriy places a hand on Sara's back.

"We have some news!" Yuriy says, trying to sound cheerful even though his eyes tell a different story.

"Good news?" Winry asks, leaning into Lola's side. Yuriy and Sara simply share a look.

"Yes." Sara decides, smiling. "We could help a lot of people."

Lola taps her foot, as Sara and Yuriy sit up a bit straighter.

"You both know how the war with Ishval is starting to pick up." Yuriy starts off, and Lola feels something in her stomach drop.

(She thought she wouldn't have to worry about this in Resembool.)

"Is the war coming here?" Lola asks, eyes wide. Resembool is her haven. It can't turn into another Fotset, it just can't.

(Military men moving around every corner. Gunshots heard throughout the night.)

Sara shakes her head hurriedly, placing a hand on Lola's shoulder.

"No, sweetheart." Sara says, her voice soothing. "It's the opposite actually."

Lola blinks, as Sara gives her and Winry a wobbly smile.

"We're going to the front." Sara says, and Lola grips at the couch. "We're going to help as many people as we can."

(Going to the front was a death sentence.)

Lola shakes her head, as Winry takes it all in.

"You're leaving?" Winry asks, and her voice sounds so incredibly small. Sara and Yuriy both nod their heads.

Winry jumps off the couch, bounding to her and Lola's shared bedroom. Lola technically had been given her own room, but once she and the blonde had become better acquainted Winry would pull Lola to stay with her.

A part of her wants to go comfort Winry, but her body will not allow her. She feels numb.

(Why did her happiness always have to be snatched away from her?)

"At the orphanage." Lola starts off, clutching at her chest. "Some of the older girls would go off to become nurses for the war effort. They would send letters at first, but the letters would always stop."

Her breathing won't slow down, and Lola feels her eyes begin to burn.

"They all died." Lola says, tears streaming down her cheeks. She begins to wring her hands together, as her chest heaves. "They got caught up in the fighting and they died. I-I'm happy here with you. I know it's selfish but, please don't go."

Sara crouches down in front of her.

"Lola." Sara says softly. "Everything will be alright. We plan to go help the war effort, and then come right back here to you and Winry."

(Life never goes according to plan.)

"Haven't I been good?" Lola asks, rubbing at her eyes. "I can be better. Just tell me what I need to do so you won't leave."

"Lola." Yuriy says, bounding forward. "You have been perfect. This has nothing to do with you."

(Her mother laid on the bathroom floor.)

"People always leave me." Lola says, putting her face in her hands. Her nose is running, and tears keep streaming down her face. "Am I doing something wrong? How can I be better? Is there something wrong with me?"

(She doesn't like the way this is making her feel, she is usually so in control.)

Yuriy places a hand on her shoulder, and Lola struggles to meet his gaze.

"Lola." Yuriy says, and this time his voice is stern. "You have done nothing wrong."

Lola squeezes her eyes shut, clutching at her pajama pants.

"Then don't go." The redhead says, shaking her head. Her voice is pleading. "You can help people here. You don't need to leave."

"Lola." Sara says softly, and Lola hates how calm the woman is. "We wouldn't be able to forgive ourselves if we didn't do everything we possibly could to help."

Lola bites down on her lip, as she looks up at the two of them.

(A part of her is angry. Angry that she can't simply have the quiet life she craves. Angry that Sara and Yuriy are leaving when they promised they never would. Angry that they keep saying it is not her fault, but a part of her still feels like it is.)

She does not want them to go. She has found happiness here, and she does not want that happiness to be disturbed.

"We will come back." Yuriy promises, and his smile is so incredibly bright. "We promise we will. We just need you guys to wait for us a bit, okay?"

(They need to leave. This is important for them.)

Lola grits her teeth.

"You better come back to us." Lola says a bit petulantly, and she hates how her voice shakes. She hates how she can't stop crying.

Sara and Yuriy grin.

"Of course." They say in unison. Lola nods her head at that, taking a deep breath.

They are leaving, but it will be okay. Sara and Yuriy always keep their promises. If they said they would come back, Lola knew they would.

"I'll go and talk to Winry." She says, wiping her tears.

Winry is hidden underneath the blankets, but Lola can still hear her sobs.

"Winry." Lola says softly, tugging at the bedsheet. Winry simply tugs back.

"Please talk to me." Lola begs, sitting down next to the blonde. "Please."

Winry is silent for a moment before pushing the covers off of her. Her eyes are red, and her nose is stuffy.

"They're leaving." Winry says, covering her face with her hands.

"I know." Lola says, gathering the girl in a hug.

"They're leaving us. Shouldn't we be their top priority?" Winry asks, wiping at her face. "Aren't you mad at them?" Lola hums at that before shaking her head.

"I was at first." The redhead admits. "But… I think I understand it better now."

(A part of her understands. Another part of her still wants Sara and Yuriy to stay with them forever.)

"But they're leaving us!" The blonde exclaims, hugging her knees against her chest. Lola nods.

"They want to help people." Lola says softly. "I'm sad they're leaving too, but… wouldn't it be a bit selfish to deprive anyone of two of the greatest doctors around?"

Winry is silent for a few moments, and Lola hands her a tissue to wipe her nose.

"I'm still upset with them." Winry says after a few moments. "But… I think I understand now too."

Lola pats Winry's head, as the door to their room opens.

Sara and Yuriy peek their heads in, as Winry bursts into tears and goes to tackle the both of them in a hug.

Lola watches from the side, smiling at the scene, until Winry pulls her in too.

("Never leave me, okay Lola?" Winry makes her promise that night. Lola smiles.

Why would I ever leave this? She thinks, grabbing Winry's hand.

"Never.")

Resembool 1914

Winry is bounding down the stairs, her feet barely hitting the ground.

A part of her thinks she's dreaming. Ed and Al almost never come to visit, so she just might be.

(She remembers waking up in the morning, expecting to see Lola in the kitchen making breakfast, only to find a note at where she usually sat. 'I'm sorry.' The note had read. 'Please forgive me.')

Winry and Granny had spent months trying to find where the redhead had gone, calling multiple towns, looking for multiple tips, but eventually all they had come up with were dead ends.

(For the longest time, Winry had been angry with herself for Lola leaving. Angry that she hadn't been able to help the redhead. Angry she didn't see the signs.)

Ed and Al had promised her when they went on their journey that they would look for her.

Ed had smiled at her, and for a moment her heart had soared.

(They kept their promise. They brought her back.)

Winry busts through the front door, panting heavily as she sees Lola petting Den. The redhead looks up at her, and Winry isn't sure if she wants to throw a wrench at her for worrying her half to death, or crush her in a hug.

Lola is taller now. She has large silver hoop earrings and her features are a bit more defined. The redhead had always been graceful, but now Winry thinks she has a much more mature air to her.

Her eyes are the same, however, Winry realizes as her own eyes burn. Her eyes are still kind.

Lola waves, and Winry puts a hand over her mouth. She has bandages wrapped around her head and a bright red bruise on her face, but Lola is here. She is here, and Winry simply could not be happier.

(A part of Winry had been angry at Lola too. Angry that the redhead felt she couldn't confide in her.)

"I'm home." Lola signs, and Winry hiccups as her eyes burn.

(She had been angry at first, but now she is simply so relieved.)

"Welcome home, you idiot." Winry says, her eyes tearing up as she rushes forward

Winry chooses to crush the girl in a hug.

Instead of Pinako-the adult- scolding her, Winry had taken over on that front completely.

"Do you know how worried we were?" Winry asks her as she looks over Ed's destroyed automail. "Three years, Lola! Not even one letter or postcard."

Lola sits off to the side, as Winry tears into her. Den is sitting patiently by her side, as Lola continues to pet him. The redhead is still smiling.

Even though the blonde was only yelling at her, Lola was simply happy that they were speaking. She had missed the sound of Winry's voice.

"We both got our ears pierced." Lola signs, still smiling as the blonde freezes. "Looks good on you."

Lola has to dodge a wrench at that point.

"This is serious, Lola!" Winry says, clenching her fist. Lola hurriedly nods her head.

"It was completely reckless!" Winry says, placing the parts down on her work table as she levels a glare at Lola. "You could've been dead for all we knew, and there would've been nothing we could do about it!"

Lola does flinch at that, as the blonde continues.

(She will never tell Winry that she had planned on dying. That a deep, dark part of her still wants to and that she is desperately fighting the urge.)

"You could've at least sent a letter." Winry says eventually, and Lola sees that her shoulders are beginning to shake. "You idiot."

(Lola is a horrible sister.)

Lola gets up, and goes to stand next to the blonde. Winry's blue eyes are slightly watery.

Lola leans her head on Winry's shoulder, the blonde having grown to be near Lola's height.

(Her little sister is grown up, and Lola has missed so much.)

"I am sorry that I left." Lola signs. "There is nothing I can do to apologize enough for that."

Winry doesn't respond at first, before nodding her head.

"I am back now, however." Lola signs. "And I promise I won't leave you like that again. I promise I'll keep you in the loop with everything I plan to do."

Winry rubs at her eyes, nodding her head.

"You better." The blonde says, her voice breaking as she gives Lola a shaky smile.

("Did Ed buy you those earrings?" Winry asks her moments later. She clenches her wrench once again. "Did he say anything to you?"

Lola shakes her head, tilting her head to the side.

(Ed had been distant, but his feelings had been completely understandable. Lola wouldn't fault him for that.)

"Why would you ask that?" The redhead signs.

Winry sighs, leaning on her work table.

"Those two are so frustrating!" She says, shaking her head. "The first year they left, Ed would consistently ruin my automail and try to buy me gifts to make up for it. That's how I got all these piercings."

(Lola actually wasn't surprised by that.)

"Charge him extra." Lola signs, nodding her head solemnly. "Make him put that military money to good use."

Winry laughs at that, and the sound makes Lola feel warm inside.

"Trust me," The blonde says, as she gets to work. "A rush job like this isn't gonna be cheap.")

(She is glad that they are able to talk like this. Lola knows it is not enough. She knows she is incredibly lucky that Winry is so forgiving. But, she will never stop trying to make things right.)

He's not doing this because he's worried, Ed tells himself. The only thing he's worried about is his automail getting done in time.

After tearing into him about breaking her prized creation, Winry grinned over at him and promised to get his arm done as quickly as possible.

She then proceeded to grab Lola's hand and pull the redhead along with her into her workshop without saying a single word. Den followed behind, still clinging to Lola. They all watched on as Winry locked the door behind her.

Lola and Winry have been stuck together in the workshop for some time. Ed hears yelling at first from Winry's side, then the blonde starts speaking in a much softer tone. He presses his ear closer to the door.

"Eavesdropping now, aren't we?" Ed jumps at that, before looking back to see that it's only Granny Pinako.

"I'm just making sure that Winry's making progress on the automail." Ed says, lying through his teeth. Pinako simply chuckles at that, as she walks past.

"Don't worry about those two." The old woman says, looking back fondly. "It doesn't matter how much time they spend apart. They'll always be as thick as thieves."

Ed's brows furrow at that, as he presses his ear to the door once more. After a few moments he hears Winry laughing.

(He thinks of Winry and Lola with their arms looped together. Laughing about something they refused to share with anyone else.)

He was glad that didn't have to change.

The blond smiles slightly at that, before walking off to the living room.

Al has grown used to the quiet.

Winry has pulled Lola into her workshop, most likely to grill her about her whereabouts for the past three years. Brother looks after them for a moment, as he drinks his cup of coffee.

Eventually the blond gets up.

"I need to… check on something." Brother says, as he walks in the same direction Winry and Lola had gone in. If Al had a body, he would've rolled his eyes.

(Being in this body has made Al grow much more observant. He's able to see things that used to escape him. For example, he's able to see the way Brother looks at Lola when he thinks nobody is watching.)

He asks Major Armstrong to put him outside, and the man is kind enough to oblige.

Being in this body has made Al appreciate a lot of the things he used to take for granted. Feeling the rain or the sunlight on his skin, being able to breathe in fresh air, even something as simple as taking a nap. He hadn't realized how hard it would be to go without doing things as simple as that.

He watches the town out in front of him. From the Rockbells' porch, he's able to see so much. He sees Mr. Schmidt herding sheep, and some of the school children playing in the field and he feels as if he's being transported.

Him, Brother, and Winry racing up the hill. Lola refereeing whatever contests they had come up with. The days they had done alchemy together, and had thought they were invincible. They had thought alchemy had made them invincible.

Now, however, Al can't help but realize how wrong that was.

He thinks of his mother. Of Nina. Of what had happened to all of them. He thinks that Lola isn't wrong for wanting nothing to do with alchemy anymore. She's not wrong for being suspicious of it when it has caused so much pain.

(But, then there's the Youswell inn. What he and brother were able to do on the train against those thugs. Even what happened in Liore. What they've been able to do for multiple towns. Al knows that alchemy is capable of great good, and he can't simply give it up.)

Being in this body gives him a lot of time to think. It's all he can do. He thinks of his many mistakes.

("Please don't do this." Lola had begged them the night before they had tried to bring their mother back. She reached out to grab Ed's hand, but the boy had simply shoved her away. "You guys are going to do something reckless, aren't you? I saw your notes-"

"Mind your business, Lola!" Ed had snapped, folding his arms. "You don't know anything!"

Lola had reared back at that, before gripping at her skirt.

"I'm worried about you two." Lola had said, and at that moment Al didn't think he had ever heard Lola sound so hurt before. "Ever since you came back from that alchemy teacher of yours, you've been so distant. You don't even come for dinner as often anymore."

"Yeah well, once Mom’s back you won’t have to worry about us ever again!" Ed hissed, turning away from her. "Worry about yourself."

Lola watched him go, before turning to Al.

"Alphonse." Lola said softly, walking closer to him. She had put her hands on his shoulders, and her voice had been pleading. "Please listen to me. The type of alchemy you guys are looking into is dangerous. Whatever you plan to do, please don't."

Al had wanted to listen. He hadn't wanted to hurt Lola, but he and Brother were so close. So close to having mom back.

Al had turned away from her too.

"Don't walk away from me!" She had called out, and Al felt as if something was sitting on his stomach.

"I'm sorry, Lola." He had said instead, ignoring her calls. "I don't think we'll be coming over for dinner tonight, either.")

Even though Lola says she doesn't hate them. Even though they are able to smile together again, Al isn't quite sure he and Brother will ever be able to make it up to her.

(They had ignored her warnings and injured her in the process.)

Even so, they will never stop trying.

He hears someone plop down next to him, and attempts to turn his head.

"Brother?" Al asks, once he sees a flash of blond hair. "How are things with Lola and Winry?"

The blond lets out a sigh, as he leans against the house.

"They're smiling together just like they used to." Brother says, and even though he tries to sound disinterested, Al can tell he's secretly happy about the fact.

"That's good." Al says, feeling a sense of calm, or at least this body's version of it, wash over him.

(There was still so much they needed to do.)

"Brother," Al says eventually. "When we get the philosopher's stone… let's make sure to heal Lola first."

Brother is silent for a few moments, but Al can see him nod his head.

"Yeah." Brother says, as they sit quietly. "It's the least we can do."

Surprisingly enough, Lola easily falls back into her old routine.

Before she had left, before everything crashed and burned, Lola would always take over the responsibility of making the food. While Winry and Pinako would work tirelessly on their automail orders, Lola would tie up her hair, see what food they had to offer, and try to be as creative as possible. It made her feel a bit closer to Yuriy who had always tried to spruce things up despite the rations they had suffered due to the civil war.

So against Granny's protests, Lola tightens up her bun, puts on an apron, and gets to work.

(She needs to get into a routine. If not, she'll feel as if she's losing her mind.)

The memories still haunt her bit by bit. She walks past her old room and remembers crying herself to sleep as her throat burned. She walks past the kitchen and remembers Mustang bursting into their home and sending the boys down the path of the military. She walks past the surgical room and remembers holding Ed's hand as he talked nonsense to her under the influence of anesthesia while recovering from his automail surgery.

("You remind me of my friend Lola." He had said, tightening his grip on her hand. "You're really pretty. You're a lot nicer than she is, though.")

Lola had rolled her eyes, but had thought nothing of it. She continued to watch over him as Winry had gotten her much needed rest.

She takes a deep breath, as she stands in front of the kitchen stove.

(She is home, Winry has forgiven her, and she will regain a sense of normalcy even if she has to claw her way to it.)

She is going to live. She is going to be strong not only for herself, but for the amazing people she has had the pleasure of knowing.

Lola gets to work.

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa.

"This is someone talking"

'This is someone writing'

"This is someone using sign language"

Part I. Knowledge

PLAGUE OUTBREAK IN THE EAST. QUARANTINE PROTOCOL EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY IN EAST AREA.

Resembool 1904

It all starts with the mailman, Mr. Haines. The tall man starts coughing one week, chalking it up to a tiny cold. The next week, Miss Elizabeth-the florist- starts coughing. Then the butcher. Then one of the school teachers.

Granny Pinako said it was pneumonia. It had broken out in one of the military encampments near Resembool and had made its way down.

The entire town of Resembool is on lockdown, no trains going in or out. Lola helps Winry to adjust her mask over her face, even though the blonde insists on whining.

"Why do I have to wear this?" Winry says, tugging on it as Lola puts on her own.

"So you don't get sick." Lola says firmly, leaving no room for argument. "When Sara and Yuriy come back, don't you want to be in top condition?"

Lola can't see the blonde's face, but she can tell Winry is pouting behind the mask. Even so, she keeps it on.

(If Sara and Yuriy were here, they would have been able to help. Things would be a little better.)

But, Sara and Yuriy are not here. They have not been here in two months, and due to the sickness it is almost impossible to send a letter out or to receive any.

Lola takes a deep breath, washing her hands as she gets ready to help Granny prepare dinner.

Resembool is on lockdown, which means the food supply is in shortage as well. They have a strong farming community, but due to the sickness spreading they now have no one to harvest or to properly care for the produce.

(Lola feels it in her chest. The painful sensation, the crippling anxiety that never really leaves her.)

This is the first time since her mother has died that she has had something truly worth losing. She looks over at Winry as the blonde tries to stop playing with her mask, she looks over the hill at where Ed and Al are.

She cannot lose this.

So, Lola ties up her hair, and goes to Granny with her head held up high. Due to being a trained doctor and one of the only medical professionals around, Pinako had been one of the main people helping with pneumonia victims. She was actually doing something while all Lola had been doing was feeling helpless.

"Granny." The redhead says, and for once her voice is absolute. "Please let me help you. I want to do all that I can."

"No." Granny replies instantly, causing Lola to sag forward. "You're still very young, Lola. I don't want you being exposed to anything."

Lola grips at her skirt as she takes another step forward.

"Please." The redhead begs. "I'm not asking to perform surgery or anything. I just want to do something. I spend all my days reading these medical books, and I want that to at least mean something."

"Reading books isn't the same as having experience-"

"Which is why you need to teach me!" Lola interrupts, her eyes narrowed. "If Sara and Yuriy were here, they'd be doing something. When they come back, I want to be able to say that I did something too."

Granny stares at her for a few moments before letting out a sigh.

"You're usually so obedient." Granny says, causing Lola's face to flush. "The fact that you're still fighting for this means it's really important to you, huh?"

Lola nods her head, as Granny runs a hand over her face.

"You won't be dealing with actual pneumonia victims." Granny says firmly, her voice absolute. "But, with the sickness, it's been hard for any of the nurses here to deal with the more minor injuries, or to keep up with medications. We'll train you to deal with those."

Lola nods her head, standing up a bit straighter.

"I'm ready to start as soon as I can."

Lola starts small, learning how to treat small cuts, learning how to set broken bones. Then she moves to something a bit bigger.

She takes a deep breath, keeping her hands steady as she attempts to stitch closed a gash on one of her classmates' foreheads. Miss Shelby, a retired nurse who due to being rather frail couldn't help with the pneumonia patients, watches over Lola's work.

When she finishes, the redhead wipes the sweat from her forehead. She looks over at Miss Shelby for confirmation.

The elderly woman gives her a thumbs up.

Thomas-the boy she had stitched up-grabs her hand.

"Thank you." He tells her, smiling brightly, and Lola nods her head at a loss for words.

(She feels as if she has a purpose. She's doing something worthwhile.)

One day, after she finishes setting a bone for the butcher, Winry comes to her with tears streaming down her face. Ed and Al trail behind her, and even though they aren't crying, they still look shaken.

"Den is hurt." Winry tells her. "Her leg is-its-"

Winry breaks down, and Lola looks towards Ed and Al for confirmation.

"A cart got loose." Ed says, his own eyes watering a bit. "Den pushed us all out of the way, but her leg got caught."

"Can you help her?" Al asks, and Lola feels a bit sick.

(She doesn't know. Treating minor injuries was one thing, but if Den's entire leg had gotten caught then-)

She looks at the frantic look in all of their eyes, and steels herself.

Lola nods her head as she rushes to get some supplies.

"Take me to her." Lola instructs, running after them.

Lola breathes out slowly as she looks at Den whimpering on the floor. One of her front legs cut completely off.

This was an avulsion amputation, Lola thinks, recalling a passage from a book she had read a while back. There would be no way to salvage Den's leg, they simply had to treat the gaping wound. She kneels down next to Den as Winry places a comforting hand on Den's head.

Lola takes a deep breath.

(She can do this.)

She begins to tourniquet whatever is left of Den's leg. Den is whimpering throughout the entire thing, but Lola grits her teeth and keeps going.

Once she finishes, she begins to clean the dog's wound, getting rid of any foreign debris

(This wasn't enough. There was still so much more.)

Granny isn't at home, the woman wouldn't be back for hours. Aunt Trisha is also busy helping out some families near the corner of town. Lola is the only one who can do something in this situation.

She positions Den in a way so that the dog can breathe a bit easier, before turning to Ed and Al.

"Run back to the house, and bring the large white cloth hanging on the sofa." Lola instructs. "We need to move Den."

The two boys nod, before running back as fast as their legs could carry them.

Lola joins Winry in trying to comfort Den as much as possible.

Later that day, when they are able to bring Den back home, when Pinako comes back and they are able to administer actual treatment, Pinako pats Lola on the head.

"You've done very well." Granny says proudly, and Lola beams at the praise. "Your parents would be proud."

Lola takes a deep breath, as she plomps down onto the couch.

It had been terrifying, but even so Lola felt incredibly fulfilled.

(She thinks of Thomas smiling at her, and she feels this unexplainable warmth. She thinks of her mother-Of Maryam, and wishes she could've done more.)

She wants to help as many people as she can.

Winry, Ed, and Al peek their heads in through the living room door, before Winry rushes forward and jumps onto the seat next to Lola.

Aunt Trisha is staying overnight to help out some families still recovering from the sickness, so the boys are staying with them.

"Granny says Den is gonna be fine, but she needs a new leg!" Winry tells Lola, all tears forgotten as she beams at the redhead. "I'm gonna help her build it."

Lola smiles at that, glomping Winry in a hug as Ed and Al move forward as well.

(She hadn't been spending as much time with them.)

"Winry missed you." Ed says, folding his arms. The blonde gives him a betrayed look. "She was crying like a baby earlier because you've been super busy, lately."

"Shut up Ed!" Winry says, blushing a bit as Lola's eyes widen.

"Brother." Al says, breaking through with a bit of a mischievous smile. "Weren't you the one that said 'I wish Lola was here' when we were doing alchemy yesterday?"

Ed blushes at that as well, before capturing Al in a headlock.

"We said that we'd keep that between us Al!" Ed hisses, as Al easily breaks free. "Traitor!"

Lola watches the three of them go back and forth, before breaking out into a loud laugh. The three of them stare at her for a moment.

"What's so funny?" Ed demands as Lola wipes at her eyes. Lola shakes her head as she beams at all of them.

"I love you guys." Lola says, her voice bright. "I really love you guys."

Ed and Al blush at that, as Winry laughs and hugs Lola even harder.

"We love you too Lola!" Winry says as Lola plops a sloppy kiss on the blonde's cheek. Ed scrunches his nose up at that.

"You guys are such girls." Ed says, and Lola turns towards him and Al.

She plops a kiss on Al's cheek before reaching for Ed. Al laughs as Ed blushes a bright red.

"You're so embarrassing!" Ed calls out, rubbing at the place Lola had just kissed.

"I love you, Ed." Lola says again, pulling both him and Al into a hug. "I love you, Al. I love you, Winry."

Al and Winry laugh while Ed grumbles to himself. Even so, Ed doesn't fight and succumbs to the hug. Lola is grinning so hard that her face hurts.

These are the moments she lives for.

That night, Lola tells Pinako that she wants to be a doctor. A few weeks later, the sickness has mostly left the countryside and they are finally able to go back to a semblance of normalcy.

A month later, Aunt Trisha starts coughing.

VIII. A Renewed Promise

Resembool 1914

"Lola." Winry starts off slowly, as the redhead hands her a screwdriver. "What really happened to you guys?"

Lola freezes at that as the blonde gives her a look. Eventually, the redhead sighs.

"Ed and Al were attacked." Lola tells the blonde. She points to the bruise on her face and gives Winry a sheepish smile. "You know I've never been good at minding my business, so I jumped in."

Winry lets out an exasperated sigh as she stops working for only a moment.

"They're such idiots." Winry says, shaking her head a bit. "They go out and do all these dangerous things and they expect us not to worry."

"They wouldn't be them if they weren't reckless." Lola signs, and Winry lets out a laugh.

"Al at least tries to be a bit more open, but Ed just keeps everything bottled up." Winry says, shaking her head as she gets back to work. Her eyes light up fondly, and for a moment something settles in Lola's stomach.

"He's such an idiot." Winry says softly, and for a moment Lola can't breathe.

Winry had never used to make that face before when talking about Ed. Her eyes had never used to look like that.

(She has missed so much.)

Her little sister is in love, and for some strange reason Lola is not happy. She should be teasing the blonde right now, she should be cheering her on, but Lola is not able to do any of that.

(Why? What is wrong with her?)

Lola hands Winry a wrench as she forces a smile on her face.

Winry and Ed are a good match, a very good match. Whenever they are together, something simply looks right. They have an easy relationship that isn't held down by guilt or any negative emotions.

They are both good people, and they are both strong. They have the ability to lift each other up.

(She should be happy. Two of the people she loves most care for each other. She has seen the way Ed looks at Winry too. With complete admiration.)

Instead of feeling happy, Lola feels a bit sick.

"They need to be more careful." The blonde says before turning to Lola. "You too, Lola. You're not usually as reckless, but still. You shouldn't just be willing to sacrifice yourself so easily."

Lola nods her head before flexing a muscle.

"Don't worry about me. I'm a lot more durable than I look." Lola signs, as Winry rolls her eyes.

"Just hand me the basin wrench."

Eventually, Lola leaves Winry to focus on her work. She finds Ed and Al sitting outside and goes to sit by them.

"Ed." Lola signs, nudging the boy with her foot. She reaches over to rub Den's belly. "Stop pestering Winry. She won't be able to finish if you keep coming in at random times."

Ed pouts at that before sitting up a bit straighter.

"What the hell else am I supposed to do?" Ed asks, sounding a bit frustrated. "There are no libraries here, so it's not like we can research anything."

"Is alchemy all you boys think about?" Lola signs, shaking her head. "Go for a walk, get fresh air."

"You could go visit Mom's grave, Brother." Al volunteers, and Ed perks up a bit at that.

"Yeah." He says, before remaining silent for a few moments.

"Lola." He says eventually, causing the redhead to look at him. His golden eyes are intense. "Who's Maryam?"

Lola bites down on her lip.

(Ed was too intuitive for his own damn good.)

"Isn't that what Dr. Marcoh called you?" Al asks as Lola looks away from the both of them. "I thought you said there was a mistake?"

Lola looks down at her lap for a few moments before letting out a sigh.

"Maryam is my biological mother." Lola signs, careful not to look at the both of them. "She died when I was young, before I came to Resembool."

Ed and Al are quiet at first, and Lola can feel the pitying looks they are giving her.

(She had lost not one, but two sets of parents.)

"I'm sorry, Lola." Al says, as Ed sits up a bit straighter.

"How did she die?" Ed asks softly, and Lola twitches at that.

(Should I tell them? Is there any point?)

"She was in a lot of pain." Lola signs, her hands trembling just a bit. "She couldn't take it anymore, so she decided to go out on her own terms."

Ed and Al are silent once again, as they both try to comprehend Lola's words.

"Lola," Al starts off slowly, as Ed's eyes widen. "What are you saying?"

Lola simply looks at the two, not in the mood to sign the words over again. They both know what she means, they simply don't want to accept it.

"She killed herself." Ed says, as Lola nods her head. The blond's eyes widen, and she can hear Al gasp.

(This is why she didn't tell them. She doesn't want their pity.)

"It happened over a decade ago, so don't go showing me any pity." Lola signs, her eyes narrowed. "Dr. Marcoh was old friend of my mother, so I simply filled him in on what happened."

Ed and Al are still staring at her, and Lola slugs Ed in his remaining arm.

"Ow-"

"I'm serious, guys." Lola signs. "I got over her death a long time ago."

Ed and Al are still staring at her, and Lola wants to pull her hair out.

"Where is she buried?" Al asks after a few moments. "Are you at least able to visit her?"

(Damnit, damnit, damnit.)

Lola takes another heavy breath, before shaking her head.

"I have no idea where she is buried." Lola signs, pursing her lips. "The military messed up the records. She did not have proper funeral due to her only immediate family being a five year old girl."

Lola stops herself and simply sags forward. If she goes on, her anger will be too great to contain.

"It was hard at first." Lola signs, forcing a smile onto her face. "But, I have come to terms with it. I've had a lot of time."

Ed is still staring at her with such an intense gaze, and Lola has to turn away.

"I'm going to see what I can make for dinner." Lola signs, beaming at the both of them. "Try to do something worthwhile with your day."

"Why did you never tell us this?" Ed asks, stopping her in her tracks. "Does Winry know?"

"Winry knows bits and pieces." Lola signs, as she looks at the two of them. She is already getting ready to make her way into the house. "And… you guys never asked."

Ed watches Lola go, and feels that familiar weight rest on his chest.

("You guys never asked.")

"Brother I… I knew Lola had a life before coming here." Al starts off, his voice shaken. "I knew things hadn't been easy. But, I never thought it would be so..."

(Tragic, depressing, gut wrenching.)

"We at least know where Mom is buried." Al says, as Ed continues to remain silent. "We can take flowers to her grave. Lola didn't even get to have a funeral for her mom."

("You at least know where your mother rests!" Lola had said to them the night before they had done it. She had chased after them after they had blown her off. "You know she loved you more than life itself! If you do this, you might not get the outcome you want! You might ruin that closure-"

Ed had slammed their door in her face.)

Ed had been angry at the time, he had thought Lola was trying to act superior, as if she had known so much more than them. But, it all made sense now. It also made him feel a whole lot worse.

Their mother had died when they were young, but Ed and Al had both known that it wasn't her choice. That she hadn't wanted to die.

Lola's mother had chosen to die, chosen to leave her. Then, when she came here she lost Aunt Sara and Uncle Yuriy as well.

Even so, she had always kept her pain to herself. She had always tried to be there for them, instead of being there for herself.

(When they were younger, Lola had always seemed so much older than them. But now, Ed can clearly picture her as a five year old girl finding her mother on the floor. Having to make the call by herself.)

They had at least had a support system. Lola had nothing.

"We've taken Lola for granted." Ed says, leaning back. "We really have."

The same girl who had forgiven them so easily when many wouldn't have. The same girl who was still able to smile at them after telling them such a depressing story.

("You guys never asked.")

Had they really been so self absorbed? So selfish?

"Which is why we need to heal her as soon as possible." Al says his voice absolute. "It's only a start, but it's something at least."

Ed nods his head, looking up at the sky.

It was only a start, and they still needed to do so much more.

My Dearest, Lola,

I hope I have the right address. I'm using the one you gave me in your previous letter, and I hope you've reached Resembool safely.

I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you've decided to live. I know I was trying to be supportive before, but I'm so incredibly glad that you've decided to fight.

You are not your mother. You can't be sure that the same illness she had will take you as well.

Don't worry about Wagner's research being ruined. When you come back to Barcombe, I have some exciting news for you. It could elevate the research to new heights.

Everything is going fine with the clinic. It's been hell trying to train new apprentices, though; not everyone is as talented as you are.

Hazel wanted me to tell you that she says hi. She says that since you're coming back soon, she has a new dress ready for you to wear. I haven't seen her this excited since our wedding.

I hope you enjoy your time with your sister. Maybe she can come down to Barcombe and I can finally meet who you've dubbed as 'the greatest automail engineer you've ever seen.'

Your loving husband,

Seth

"So where exactly have you been these past few years?" Granny finally asks her, as she puts some finishing touches on Ed's leg. "Were you out traveling the world?"

"I found a doctor to apprentice under." Lola signs, sitting back as she waits for dinner to cook. "It… It was the same man that my mother had apprenticed under, Sara as well. Dr. Wagner."

Granny hums at that, setting her pipe down on the table.

"I remember him. He had come to Sara and Yuriy's wedding." Granny says fondly. "How is he?"

Lola freezes for a moment, before eventually signing:

"He passed away."

Granny's eyes widen, as Lola waves her hands in front of her face.

"It wasn't anything surprising." Lola signs, placing a smile on her face. "He had a terminal illness. He had already come to terms with his death."

(Yet Lola had thought she could save him with alchemy anyway.)

"That's horrible to hear." Granny says, shaking her head. She gives Lola a look. "I hope you didn't blame yourself."

She had used to, but now she's a bit more lenient.

Lola shakes her head, before getting up to go check on dinner. She smiles at Major Armstrong as he passes by.

As she stands in front of the stove, she lets out a deep breath.

(She had to relive a lot of things that day. Even so, it hadn't been as horrible as she had thought it would be.)

It meant that she was healing. That she was getting stronger if only by a bit.

Lola begins to set the table, as Winry and Granny begin to attach Ed's automail to his body. The blond grits in pain for a moment as the nerves attach.

"I'll never get used to that,'' He sighs, attempting to move his arm. He gets up and immediately starts stretching.

"I know you're the type to skip out on daily maintenance," Winry says, trying to explain. "So the steel you're using now had it's chrome ratio raised-"

Ed runs off before Winry can finish explaining, and Lola stifles a laugh at that.

(He's such a kid.)

"Honestly!" Winry says, placing her hands on her hips. "With the way he maintains that automail, he'll be back here before we know it."

"At least it'll give those boys a reason to come home once in a while." Granny says, collecting the materials. "The food smells amazing, Lola."

Lola grins at that, as the boys finally come in-Al completely restored.

"We're ready to eat!" Ed calls out as they all make their way to the table. Major Armstrong sits down as Lola serves the food.

"Hey, Ed." Winry says, as she takes a seat. "Could you at least try to be a bit more gentle with my automail? It's like you're trying to break it."

"Our master used to say 'To train the mind, first train the body.'" Al recites, as Ed nods his head.

"Which is why we need to make sure to train consistently." The blond says, stuffing his face.

Major Armstrong nods his head at that, as he takes his shirt off and begins to flex.

"You are correct. A healthy mind lives in a trained body!" He says, flexing in every direction. Winry and Granny both give him strange looks.

"Is he always like that?" Winry questions, as Granny shakes her head. Lola sighs.

"Sadly, yes." The redhead signs, as she passes Ed some more food.

(She has missed moments like these. She's glad that she's able to experience it again. This feeling of warmth.)

The next day, before the sun has fully risen; Ed, Al and the Major prepare to head to Central.

Lola lets out a yawn as she joins them outside.

"I'll see you off at the train station." Lola signs, giving both of them a sleepy smile. Ed and Al both freeze at that, causing Lola to scowl.

"I won't run away again." Lola signs, rolling her eyes. "I just want to see you guys off."

"What will you do now, Lola?" Al asks. "How long will you stay?"

Lola rubs at the back of her head before shrugging.

"I'll stay and help out around here for a bit." Lola signs, yawning once again. "Then I need to go back to Barcombe and help out at the clinic over there."

She looks at the apprehensive looks on the boy's faces and places a hand on both of their arms.

"I won't disappear again." Lola signs. "I promise."

(Things are finally good between them and she will not ruin that for anything.)

Ed nods at that as he picks up his luggage.

"Thanks for everything, Granny." He says as they all get ready to go.

"Where's Winry?" Al asks, petting Den.

"She's still asleep from doing all those all nighters. Want me to wake her?" Granny asks. Ed shakes his head.

"Don't bother." The blond says. "She'd just nag me about maintaining my automail."

Granny smiles at them as they begin to walk away. Lola freezes for a moment, before turning back to the woman.

"I'll be right back." Lola signs. "I promise."

The woman laughs at that, simply shaking her head.

"Ed, Al!" Granny calls out. "Make sure to come have dinner with us once in a while!"

Ed grumbles at that, as Al nods his head cheerfully.

Lola hears a yawn from up above.

"Hey, Ed, Al." Winry says, waving with a sleepy look on her face. "Come back soon, okay."

Lola smiles up at the blonde, before looking towards Ed. She sees that the blond is blushing slightly.

(She should be happy, but for some reason she is not.)

Ed waves half heartedly as he turns away.

"Yeah," He says simply as they begin to walk down the dirt road. Winry smiles softly at him as they leave.

"I'll be right back." Lola signs, once Winry's attention is on her. The blonde grins at that, placing her head in her hands.

Lola trails after them as they make their way to the train station. She leans against the wall as they buy their tickets. She lets out another yawn as the train finally comes into view.

"Stay safe." Lola signs, stretching slightly. "I'll be staying in Barcombe once I leave Resembool, so try and stop by if you can."

"Of course!" Al says, as Ed simply nods his head. The short boy has a contemplative look on his face as they begin to make their way to the train.

Major Armstrong grabs Lola's hand, shaking it profusely.

"It was an honor to meet you, Lola Graham!" The man booms. "Your cooking was truly a delight!"

Lola smiles at that, as she watches the three of them make their way onto the train.

Ed stops, however, and turns back to look at her. Lola blinks, as the blond gears up to say something.

"Lola!" Ed calls out. "We're not little kids anymore! It's ok for you to rely on us!"

Lola's eyes widen, as the people in the train station begin to look at them.

"You don't have to hide your pain!" Ed says, and Lola feels her face warm. "If you need a shoulder to cry on, we're here!"

(Oh. So that was why.)

Ed smiles at her, his eyes even more beautiful in the morning sunlight and Lola feels her breath catch.

"We're gonna find what we're looking for, and you're gonna be the first person we heal. So just wait for us!" Ed yells, cupping his hands around his mouth as the train gets ready to leave.

(All the years they have known each other, and she was just figuring it out.)

"It's a promise!" Ed says, and Lola is frozen in time for just a moment.

(Ed making her laugh when they were kids. Ed bringing out the best in her whenever they competed with their alchemy. Ed comforting her when she had finally allowed herself to cry over Sara and Yuriy's deaths. Ed promising to heal her even though at the time she hadn't been able to fully believe him. Ed protecting her against that military guard in Youswell.)

The way he smiled at her, when she made him and Al promise not to die.

She places a hand over her mouth, waving at the both of them as they get ready to leave.

"I'll hold you to that." Lola signs eventually, grinning as the train moves on into the distance. Ed and Al both wave at her, before disappearing along with it.

(It suddenly made a lot more sense.)

Lola places a hand on her face as she gets ready to walk back to the Rockbell home. She feels a bit dizzy, as if she could fall over at any moment. She also can't get Ed's smile out of her head.

When she makes it back home, Granny gives her a strange look.

"Are you alright, Lola?" Granny asks, as the redhead takes a seat. Lola nods her head, before kicking off her slippers and lying back on the couch. She covers her face with a pillow.

Her heart beats a bit extra fast.

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa.

"This is someone talking"

'This is someone writing'

"This is someone using sign language"

Part I. Knowledge

Resembool 1904

The symptoms start out small.

One day, when Lola is over at the Elric home, she notices that Aunt Trisha is coughing particularly hard.

The woman simply smiles, laughing it off as she gets back to making dinner.

"Don't worry about me, Lola." The woman says, smiling softly as Lola's brow furrows. "It's just a tiny cough. It'll go away soon.'

Except it doesn't go away. It gets worse and worse, until one day Ed and Al run up to the Rockbell home crying that Aunt Trisha has collapsed. Lola feels as if her bones are hollow.

(That was when it had all truly begun.)

Lola wipes Trisha's forehead as Pinako works to feed her. Ed, Al, and Winry wait patiently outside.

Lola believes that Trisha will get better. She has to.

She thinks of Mary on the bathroom floor and shakes her head. Ed and Al do not need to know the pain of losing a mother.

Lola volunteers to stay over at their home, along with Winry and Granny. They all take shifts watching over the woman and staying with her. The townspeople come over bearing gifts each day, praying for Trisha's speedy recovery.

Alphonse burrows into her side one night, his golden eyes wide open, as Ed walks aimlessly around the house.

"Ed." Lola calls out softly. "What are you looking for?"

The boy does not respond and instead walks into the study.

Without the boy's father-Hohenheim-and Trisha out of commission, the boys didn't have any other family to rely on. Trisha's parents had died when she was young, and according to Pinako, Hohenheim was a blank slate.

(Lola faintly remembered Hohenheim. She remembered a looming figure. She remembered thinking he was a lot like Mr. Khan, and went to ask him about alchemy one day. He had been awkward, but very kind. She didn't think he was the kind of person to just abandon his family in time of need.)

"Do you hate him, Al?" The boy gazes up at her listlessly, waiting for the girl to elaborate. "Your father I mean,"

Alphonse freezes for a moment before slowly shaking his head.

"No," He replies, his voice hoarse. "Ed says he does, but I think he's lying," The boy's voice breaks slightly " I just… Mom misses him. I wish he'd come home,"

It was hard for Lola not to hate Hohenheim a bit after that.

Pinako had tried to locate the blond man, looking for any possible leads in the neighboring towns. But all that was left were whispers of his presence.

He was truly gone.

The next day begins with Trisha wanting to speak with Lola in private.

The woman is a shadow of her former self, having lost a considerable amount of weight due to her time being bedridden. Even so, she manages a smile for Lola.

"You're getting taller, Lola," Her voice is small, miniscule compared to what she used to be.

"Too tall," Lola groans, taking the woman's hand in hers. She is wearing gloves and has a mask secured around her face. "I look like a bean sprout,"

"Hush," Trisha replies softly. "You're a beautiful young lady,"

Lola doesn't argue with the woman and sits gently on the side of her bed.

"Auntie-"

"You already know, don't you?" Trisha whispers. "You've always been so intuitive,"

Lola purses her lips at that, before shaking her head. She grips the woman's hand tighter.

"All I know," Lola starts off cheerfully. "Is that you're gonna get better, and that the boys can finally stop moping. Ed and Al would be so hopeless without you-"

"Take care of them for me," Trisha interrupts, her voice slightly firmer. "Please, Lola. I know you don't think so, but they look up to you. When I'm gone, don't let them-"

"You'll be fine-"

"I can feel it, sweetheart," Trisha replies, smiling as sweetly as she always did. "You don't need to lie to me,"

Lola doesn't respond to that and just grips Trisha's hand even tighter.

(Trisha had always been kind. She was a good mother who loved her children more than anything. Why did she have to die when she didn't want to? When it wasn't needed?)

"I'm sorry," Lola croaks. Trisha just shakes her head weakly.

(Her mother is once again lying on the bathroom floor, and Lola cannot do anything to help her.)

"You did everything you could," The woman replies. "I'm sorry you felt you had to bear such a huge burden. You're a good girl, Lola. Please don't blame yourself,"

Lola's chin wobbles slightly, as Trisha lets out a cough.

"Could you call the boys for me?" Trisha asks softly. "And Pinako and Winry? I'd like to talk to them too,"

Lola just smiles and nods her head. The tears won't stop falling.

"Of course,"

Trisha passes the next day. A peaceful smile on her face, as if she had accepted her fate.

Winry sobs in the Elric family living room, Al sitting emotionless next to her. The boy has not spoken a word since Trisha's death was announced, and no matter how hard Lola tries she cannot get him to speak. Granny is out making funeral arrangements, and Ed-

(Ed is broken. Completely and utterly broken.)

Lola hears sounds in the study. She leaves Winry and Al's sides and goes to check what it is.

She has to duck to avoid getting hit by a stray book.

Ed is tearing up the study-his father's study-and he has angry tears streaming down his face. He's pounding at the desk until his knuckles turn raw and bloody. He's letting out a slew of curses that no child his age should know.

Lola simply stands in the doorway and allows him to get all of his anger out. Eventually, when his hands actually start to bleed, Lola chooses to intervene.

"Ed." She calls out softly, walking towards him. "Edward you're hurting yourself-"

"Shut up!" The boy yells, and Lola takes a step back. His eyes are narrowed with an intensity that Lola can't directly meet. She feels as if she'll wither away if she meets it head on. "I don't care! That bastard he-he didn't even-"

Instead of finishing his sentence, he proceeds to kick his father's desk.

(It didn't matter if Hohenheim had been kind to her. All that mattered was that his sons and wife needed him and he was not here for them.)

"I'm sorry he didn't come." Lola says softly. "Parents should always be there for their children."

Ed freezes at that, his shoulders trembling as he finally stops his rampage.

"Mom missed him." Ed says, his voice breaking. "Mom missed him, and yet he still didn't come back."

Lola moves forward and hugs him from behind. She towers over Ed by a good few inches, something she would usually tease him about on a normal day.

(This wasn't a normal day, however. None of this was normal.)

"He's awful." Lola says, pushing the older man's kind golden eyes out of her mind. She rests her chin on top of Ed's head. "You don't need him. You have us, okay? Me, Winry, and Granny will be here for you two."

Ed doesn't respond to that, and instead begins to sob. Lola simply tightens her hug.

Later that night, when Lola is bandaging Ed's hands, the boy asks her a simple question.

"You're not gonna leave too, are you?" Ed asks, avoiding her gaze, his eyes still slightly watery. "You're not gonna go back to the place you were before here, right?"

Lola blinks at that before simply ruffling his hair.

"Of course not." Lola says, as she finishes tightening the bandage. "You guys are my family, and I like it here in Resembool. I see no reason to leave."

Ed doesn't respond to that, but he lets out a tiny breath of relief. Lola grins.

"Why? Would you miss me?"

Ed blushes and shakes his head hurriedly.

"Al and Winry would be sad." He says, folding his arms over his chest. "It'd be annoying to deal with."

Lola lets out a tiny laugh, as she gets up from her seat. She reaches a hand towards Ed.

"Well, in that case I definitely can't leave." She says, tugging the boy along. "We can't have Winry and Al being sad now, can we?"

Ed's eyes are still watery, he hasn't stopped crying fully all day, and Lola doesn't think he'll stop anytime soon.

("Take care of them for me, Lola,")

"Granny's making stew." Lola says softly, as Ed rubs at his eyes. "Let's go get some."

(A week later, after Trisha has been laid to rest, when Ed is struggling to go to sleep and thoughts of his mother are still burrowing into his mind, the idea of human transmutation crosses the boy's mind for the first time.)

IX. Reasons To Live

Resembool 1914

"Lola?!" A voice calls out to her as she walks in the marketplace. Lola turns her head to see a short middle aged woman with a child clinging to her skirt. She has wide brown eyes and cropped brown hair.

The woman moves closer to her, a huge grin on her face and Lola's eyes widen in recognition.

"I'm glad to see that you're back!" Tracy Muller says, reaching up to gather Lola in a hug. "Pinako has you running errands?"

Lola nods her head, as Tracy's son moves forward as well, clinging to his mother's skirt.

(Lola had helped deliver him before she had left, before she had lost her voice. Tracy hadn't been able to come up with a proper name for him, and the entire clinic had gone around trying to give ideas. Eventually, they had just sent the boy home with only his surname, Tracy promising to come back later to fill out the proper forms.)

'Nice to see you again. Glad you're doing well.' Lola writes, and Tracy's smile dims just a bit.

"You used to have such a beautiful voice." Tracy says, as her son looks up at Lola curiously. "It's a shame they never found the man who did this to you."

Lola's stomach settles as she nods her head.

That had been the cover story. That a strange man had come through town one night due to the Eastern conflict and crushed Lola's neck, permanently damaging her vocal chords. That it was a stroke of luck that she managed to survive.

(Granny had sat both her and Winry down, her features harsh.

"We mustn't tell anyone about what the boys did." The woman says, in a hushed voice. "What they did was-they could be taken away for this if it gets to the wrong people. They could be hanged."

Winry covers her mouth at that, as Lola simply stares straight ahead.

She had warned them. She had warned them, and they had thrown it right back in her face. Yet, for some reason she could not hate them.

Granny then sets her eyes on Lola and places her hands over the redhead's.

"You'll need to stay inside for a bit Lola." The woman says, her eyes narrowed. "We'll need to come up with some sort of story or explanation, but it wouldn't make sense if you went out right now. There would be too many questions."

Lola nods her head and she can faintly see Al standing in the hallway, trying to make himself hidden. She can feel his guilt.

Her throat burns as Winry leans into her side offering her a comforting hug.)

Lola looks down at the little boy and smiles.

'What is your name?' She writes, as the boy shrinks back a bit. At his mother's encouraging tone, he moves forward, however.

"Henry." He says softly, not meeting her eyes. "That's a pretty ribbon."

Lola smiles at that, before ruffling the boy's hair.

"Are you back for good?" Tracy asks, her brow furrowed. "You just up and disappeared one day! You had us all worried sick."

Lola isn't sure how to respond to that.

She had known Winry and Granny would be worried sick, but she didn't really think her disappearance would have mattered much to anyone else.

(She had worked at the clinic for years, however. She had helped treat multiple people within this tiny town.)

"Well, even if you do have to go, try and stop by the bakery!" Tracy says, tugging Henry along. The little boy waves at her as they walk away. "You'll always be welcome!"

Lola waves as the woman disappears from view.

Ever since she had started going out into the town more, she had begun to run into more and more familiar faces. Lilyth, an older woman who Lola had helped take her medication. Robert, one of her old schoolmates who she had helped fix his broken arm.

Lola had expected nothing but anxiety when coming back to Resembool, but now she feels much more at ease.

When she makes it back to the house, Winry and Pinako are sitting around the living room, finally taking a much needed break.

Lola puts the groceries down on the table as they both greet her.

"You're a godsend, Lola." Pinako says, as she lets out a yawn. "I just didn't have the energy to go out today."

"Because you're lazy, Granny." Winry responds jokingly, as she gets up from the couch.

"I didn't see you lining up to go out and do any errands." The older woman retorts, sticking her nose in the air.

Lola smiles as the two go back and forth.

(She is incredibly lucky that she has not lost this.)

"Lola!" Winry calls out as she waves a letter in the air. "Another letter came for you today."

"Thank you." Lola signs, going to retrieve it.

"Who keeps writing you?" Granny asks, as she goes to put some of the groceries away. "Didn't a letter come on the first day you were here?"

"It's my partner at the apprenticeship I did." Lola signs, looking over the letter quickly. "I gave them the address before coming. We check up on each other once in a while."

"Every day?" Granny questions. Lola nods her head.

"Is it a boy?" Winry asks, her eyes fluttering as her tone turns teasing. Lola's stomach turns.

Fact number one: Lola and Winry have feelings for the same person. Fact number two: Winry doesn't yet realize that she has feelings for said person. Fact number three: said person is their shared childhood friend.

Fact number four: Lola plans to lock her feelings away completely and cheer Winry on.

Lola has decided to live, but she isn't selfish enough to take all of the baggage that makes her who she is and try to put that onto another person. Least of all Ed, who has enough of his own trauma to work through, who's two years younger than she is, and who she shouldn't even be thinking of in a romantic way. Not when someone as wonderful as Winry is right there and in love with him as well.

(She wants Winry and Ed both to be happy. They could make each other happy.)

He said that you should lean on him. The voice in her head says. He said you could rely on him.

Lola forces a smile onto her face, as she shakes her head.

"It is a boy, but there's nothing going on." Lola signs. "We're just friends."

(The relationship she had with Seth was complicated. But, it was thanks to him that she had felt a bit more human again once leaving Resembool.)

"You're telling me there wasn't any romance at all?" Winry asks, looking unconvinced. "That can't be true."

(She was technically married to him. Did that count as romance?)

"I didn't leave for romance." Lola signs, shaking her head. "I left to figure some things out."

Winry is silent for a moment, pursing her lips just a bit.

"Did you figure it out?" The blonde asks. Lola hums at that, before taking a seat herself.

(Had she?)

"It's still a work in progress." Lola signs eventually. "I think I'll spend the rest of my life still finding new reasons."

(Reasons to live. Reasons to love herself. Until recently nothing had been enough.)

Until Ed and Al had met her in Youswell. Until Al had made that comment about staying alive. If Lola hadn't met them again, she would still be planning her death.

Lola still feels a crippling weight, but she plans to push through.

(Ed promised they would find a way to heal her. He promised he would find the philosopher's stone. Seeing the earnest look in his eyes made her want to believe. She needs to stay alive for that.)

Lola smiles at that as she gets up.

"Mr. Shaibel should be here soon." Lola reminds the blonde, causing her to jump up. "Doesn't he need a tune up for his leg?"

Winry stretches at that, finally getting up from the couch.

"The work never ends." Winry says, but Lola can still see the blonde smiling as she goes to set the work table.

That night, Lola smokes her only cigarette of the week. She has gotten rather good at cutting down, but the urge is still there.

(It was soothing. It took her mind off of things for only a moment.)

"I didn't realize you smoked." The cigarette drops from Lola's lips.

Granny walks out onto the balcony with her, as Lola's shoulders sag.

"Don't tell Winry." Lola signs. "She'll just worry too much."

"Rightfully so. It's a rather bad habit to have. Especially since you're still so young." Granny says, and Lola is glad that there is no judgment in the woman's voice. "I'm already an old woman, but you still have a lot of life left to live. How did you pick it up?"

(She remembers being so depressed after Wagner had died. How she had made the vow to never do alchemy again. How she had desperately searched for something to fill the gap that alchemy had left behind once she truly realized how useless it was. Human transmutation had been her first doubt, but Wagner had sealed it in.)

"It's been a long three years." Lola signs, leaning over the balcony. Granny hums at that, moving forward as well.

"But you're home now." Granny says, placing a hand on Lola's shoulder. "You're home."

Lola purses her lips at that.

(She needs to. She has to.)

"I wanted to die." Lola signs, her eyes dry. If there is one person she can tell and have them react calmly, she knows that it is Granny. "After that night, I honestly wanted to die. Wasn't the transmutation that caused it, but transmutation made me realize that I had felt like that for a long time. That was one of the reasons I left."

Granny is silent, so Lola continues.

"I made the boys promise not to die, so in order to not be hypocrite, I'm trying to live too." Lola signs. She falls down to her knees, as she rests against the railing. "But Granny… it's so hard. I don't know if I can. Don't want to make you and Winry or the boys sad, but I just don't know if I can go on."

(She had said she wanted to live. She had told herself that, but she feels completely different on the inside. Living feels as if it's an obligation rather than an actual desire.)

Granny is still silent, and Lola peeks up at her. She taps the woman on the arm.

"Granny?" Lola signs once again. Pinako simply gathers her in a hug.

Lola lets out a tiny sound of surprise, as the older woman wraps her arms around her tight. Lola eventually hugs back.

"When you first came to Resembool." Granny starts off, her voice warm. "You were always so eager to please everyone. I remember Sara telling me about how you had this silly notion that they would send you back."

Lola blinks as her face warms.

"Then, one day, you came to my workshop covered in bruises." Pinako says. "Winry was pulling you along, and you could barely look me in the eye. Apparently you had gotten into a fight with some snot nosed brat who had made a rather rude comment about you being from Aerugo, and you had sent him crying to his mother. You said that you didn't want to go back to Sara and Yuriy because they would be disappointed in you, and then they would send you back to Fotset. You started crying, then Winry started crying about how she didn't want you to go. You were both two sniffling messes on the floor."

Lola covers her face with her hands.

(That had been so embarrassing.)

"I helped clean you up, and we all sat down at the workbench. After you had calmed down, I asked you why you thought you would be sent back. You said that Sara and Yuriy wouldn't want someone as horrible as you living in their home."

Lola wants to crawl into a hole. She had been so dramatic.

"Then I told you about how a similar thing had happened to Yuriy when he was young. His father was from Drachma y'see, and a kid had made fun of his name. So he sent the kid flying into the dirt. I told you that Sara and Yuriy didn't expect you to be perfect, because they themselves weren't perfect. That you didn't have to worry about them sending you back, because they were head over heels for you." Granny says, as she finally releases Lola from the hug.

(She remembered. After Pinako had cleaned her up, Lola and Winry had gone back home. Lola had told Sara and Yuriy about what happened, and instead of being upset they simply said that they were proud.

"I hope you taught him a lesson!" Yuriy had said, ruffling her hair as Sara laughed.

"Rockbell women are known for their courage and tenacity, so it's no surprise." Sara had said, and Lola's eyes widened at that. "We should always use our words first instead of our fists, but I'm proud that you stood up for yourself."

That was the first time Lola had truly felt that she was a part of the family, and not just some intruder. The first time her worries of being sent back had finally been eased.)

"Why are you telling me this again?" Lola signs. Pinako laughs out loud.

"Because those are the moments you should live for." Granny says warmly. "Those are the moments you need to think about when you get too close to the ledge. I know life has its hardships, you know that better than most, but there are so many beautiful moments embedded within it as well. Strive to create more memories like that."

Lola smiles at Granny, and nods her head.

(She still feels it. That crippling weight. But talking to Granny eased it by just a bit.)

"I miss them." Lola signs. "Sara and Yuriy."

Granny smiles sadly at that, as she looks over the balcony as well.

"Me too." The woman says, as they sit in a comfortable silence.

Lola has been in Resembool for a week, when Winry finally asks her the question.

"You're going to leave again soon, aren't you?" The blonde asks as Lola hands her a screw.

Lola freezes at that, Winry giving her a knowing look, before eventually nodding her head.

Winry sighs at that, as Lola purses her lips.

(She knew this part wouldn't be easy.)

"Winry-"

"I didn't expect you to stay forever." The blonde says, cutting Lola off. "I just… I didn't think you'd be leaving so soon after coming back. For a little while, it almost felt like the way things used to be."

Lola had felt it too and a part of her did want to stay.

(But, she still had things she needed to accomplish.)

"Do you remember what I told you about my mother? My biological mother?" Lola signs, as Winry raises a brow.

"Yeah." The blonde nods, her features softening. "You said she had a mental illness."

(Lola had told Winry this when the girl had only been six years old. Lola had woken up in the middle of the night to see Winry standing next to her. The blonde had said she had been crying out, that she had been apologizing to someone. It had been at that moment that Lola had spilled everything and told Winry the reason she had come. Most six year olds would have been out of their depth, but Winry was simply something else. The blonde had still been incredibly understanding even back then.)

"While I was away, I've been conducting research." Lola signs and she begins to sit up a bit straighter. "I… under Wagner's supervision, I was able to create something. A drug of sorts."

Winry squints at that, as Lola's smile grows.

"Once I finalize it, it might be able to do some actual good." Lola signs, feeling so incredibly warm as she tells Winry this. "I promise I wasn't off just wasting time these three years. I've been trying to do something worthwhile."

Winry is silent for a moment before putting her tools down on the table. She puts both of her hands on Lola's shoulders.

"When Mom and Dad told us they were going to Ishval." Winry starts off slowly. "I made you promise not to leave me."

Lola nods her head at that, not quite sure where the blonde was going with this.

"I made you promise not to leave me… and I'm sorry for that." Winry says, placing a soft smile on her face. "I shouldn't have put that burden on you. If you need to leave, then it's fine. All I ask is that you keep me in the loop. I don't want to go another three years not knowing where my sister is."

Lola does not deserve Winry. Not one bit.

"You were a kid." Lola signs, the corners of her lips twitching upwards.

"So were you." Winry retorts. "You always seemed so much older, but you were a kid too."

Winry squeezes Lola's shoulders.

"When you left, I was so angry." Winry admits, closing her eyes. "I was angry that you left and even angrier that you felt you couldn't confide in me about your pain."

Blue eyes lift up to meet hers, and Lola feels as if she's being pulled in from the ocean shore.

"You're my sister and you're my person." Winry says, tears streaming down her face. "I'll always be here for you, dummy."

(Winry would always tug her along.)

Lola nods her head, and crushes the blonde in a hug.

"Lola!" Winry calls out, picking up the redhead's suitcase. "The train is supposed to be here in five minutes! Hurry up!"

Lola tugs on her boots, putting her hair into a quick ponytail as she takes the suitcase from the blonde with a smile.

"We have the number for the clinic, and the mailing address." Granny says, standing on the doorstep. She has a warm smile on her face. "Try to at least write to us once in a while."

(The conversation from a few days before still rings clear in Lola's head.)

Lola nods her head as she gets up and dusts off her skirt. She gives Winry and Granny a bright smile.

"I'll write to you the moment I get there." Lola promises. Winry takes a step forward, as Granny simply nods her head.

"I'll walk you to the train station." Winry says, leaving no room for argument. Lola nods her head, waving one last time to Granny as the two of them make their way down.

"Make sure to take care of yourself. Don't pull too many all-nighters." Winry says, causing Lola to roll her eyes.

"I should be one telling you that." Lola signs with one hand. "I swear you never sleep."

The last time she had left Resembool, she had been alone in the middle of the night. Now, however, things are looking much brighter.

"Make sure you remember to eat. Also, drink some tea for your throat." Winry lists off as Lola hurriedly purchases her ticket, showing her notepad to the ticket seller. The train is coming into view.

Winry crushes Lola in another hug as the redhead retrieves her ticket.

"Make sure to come back and visit." Winry says, tightening the hug. "The boys are a wild card, but you need to at least try and come back for Winter or even just for a quick dinner alright?"

Lola nods her head, ruffling the blonde's hair much to Winry's dismay.

"I love you." Lola signs, as she makes her way onto the train. "I'll be back before you know it. I promise."

Winry clasps her hands behind her back, smiling as Lola takes a seat.

"Take care of Granny, okay?" Lola signs out the train window. "Try and come visit Barcombe too. I think you'll like it."

Winry nods once again, the sounds of the train growing louder.

"Take care of yourself!" Winry calls out, cupping her hands around her mouth. "I love you too!"

As the train finally moves out, Lola leans back in her seat.

(The crippling weight was still there.)

It was still there, but Lola likes to think she is managing it. That these little moments, like having Winry smile at her again, are exactly the moments Granny was talking about.

She closes her eyes, and tugs on the ribbon on her wrist.

She is going to fight.

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa.

"This is someone talking"

'This is someone writing'

"This is someone using sign language"

Part I. Knowledge

Barcombe 1911

Lola doesn't make it to Barcombe until nighttime, a few days after leaving Resembool, when the already quiet town grows to be even more withdrawn.

Barcombe has a lot of old buildings. It's seen as more of a place to transition, rather than a place to settle down and make a home. Just by glancing around, Lola can see that the town has its own stories to tell.

She looks down at the address Wagner had given her and squints her eyes as she walks around the area.

(Resembool had been quiet too, but it had always kept a sense of warmth as well.)

She thinks of golden eyes and promises she knows can't be fulfilled, and she pushes the memories away.

She can never go back. She will never go back.

(She plans to apologize to Winry one day, her sister deserves that much. Lola can picture the blonde waking up, expecting to find Lola in the kitchen. Running around the house in hopes that maybe Lola is simply hiding, before eventually finding Lola's note. She can imagine the look of betrayal on Winry's face as she reads it. )

Yes, she needs to apologize to Winry one day. But, when it comes to the boys-

Lola clutches at her stomach, a wave of nausea falling over her.

She does not hate them. For some reason she cannot hate them. But she doesn't know if she can ever look at them the same way. The year after the transmutation had been one of the hardest of her life. It had taken everything in her just to keep it together.

The moments she had gone to shout to wake everybody up, only to remember she couldn't seconds later. The moments she had tried to reassure the boys, but had only ended up frustrating Ed due to how long it would take her to write out her words. How hard it had been to smile at them as if they had done nothing wrong.

She had smiled at Ed as he went to get his state alchemist certification. As if he wasn't throwing his life away to become a dog of the military. To join a group of people Lola felt disgusted just by the thought of.

The fact that he was doing it in hopes of healing her as well made her feel sick to her stomach.

(That same day, Lola had sat down, written her note, packed her bags, and left in the middle of the night.)

She looks up, and realizes that she has seen the same white house three times already. She presses a hand to her temple, as she leans against a building.

"Are you alright?"

Lola jumps at the sound, quickly turning her head. A girl with dark brown skin, brown eyes, and long black hair squints over at Lola, a lantern in her hand.

"You're not from around here." The girl says, moving closer to Lola as the redhead stands up a bit straighter. "It's dangerous for a girl to be out alone at this hour. Come in with me."

The girl doesn't give Lola a chance to respond or to explain her situation. She simply grabs Lola's hand and pulls her in through the backdoor of her house.

(She had thought Winry was strong due to all the automail she lugged around on a daily basis. But due to the tight grip this girl had on her arm, Lola figured she could give Winry a run for her money.)

"My name's Hazel by the way." The girl says, still holding onto Lola's arm. "Me and Ma run a tailor shop." She looks Lola up and down. "We might have a few dresses you could use. You're a bit on the thicker side, though."

Lola's face warms at that as Hazel places a hand on her mouth.

"Not saying that's a bad thing!" Hazel replies, waving her hands in front of her, her eyes wide. "Ma says I need to think before I speak more."

Lola simply closes her eyes as the girl continues on.

She had never exactly been skinny like Winry and the other girls in the countryside. She had always had a bit of a rounder figure and had stuck out a bit too much for her liking.

(While most of the other girls had been rather dainty, Lola had gotten her growth spurt a bit too early. Her body had developed a bit too quickly. She remembers one of the boys at school innocently saying that Lola resembled a tomato, due to her round face and red hair. Before Lola could even react, Winry had thrown mud into the kid's face.)

She misses Winry.

"I'm sorry," Hazel says, placing her hands on Lola's shoulders, her face a few inches away. "I didn't mean to offend ya. You're absolutely beautiful."

Lola purses her lips, before reaching into her bag. Hazel's eyes widened even more.

"You hate me, don't you? Is that why you're not talking?" Hazel asks, placing both of her hands on her face. Lola doesn't react to the girl's ramblings, and insteads shows Wagner's address to her.

Hazel quiets, squinting at the writing, before lighting up.

"Oh, you're looking for old man Wagner!" The girl says, giving Lola a pearly white smile, revealing a dimple. "That's on the other side of town."

Lola sags forward at that as Hazel lets out a laugh.

"Hazel?" A voice calls out, causing Lola to tense. "Did you bring in another stray? I told you to stop bringing those cats in. They mess with our work-"

A rather tall woman, who looked to be an exact copy of Hazel, pokes her head out. She towers over both of them. Her eyes widen as she catches sight of Lola.

"... So it's not a stray." The woman says, making her way towards Lola. She assesses Lola in the same way Hazel had and lets out a deep sigh.

"She's looking for old man Wagner." Hazel explains, still smiling brightly. "She has no idea what she's doing though. I think she's a bit lost."

"The girl can't speak for herself?" The woman questions, not in a rude way, but incredibly direct.

Lola purses her lips, pulling out her notepad.

'I can't physically speak. I was in an accident about a year ago.' Lola writes, showing her notepad to the two of them. Hazel gasps at that as the woman gives Lola a pitying look.

(She hated the pity.)

"I-I'm sorry to hear that." The woman says, changing her tone. "Please have a seat. I can fix you up some tea."

Lola nods as Hazel takes the seat next to her, asking her question upon question about where she was from.

"My name's Hippolyta by the way." The tall woman says, as she gets out her teacups. Lola jerkily nods her head.

Hippolyta smiles down at Lola with an amount of warmth that Lola isn't quite sure how to handle.

"I know this hasn't been the best introduction, but welcome to Barcombe."

(Barcombe was different from Resembool. In Resembool she always had to act as a caretaker. She hadn't minded the role, she had loved to take care of people, to take care of them, but it felt nice to be the one to be looked after for once instead of the other way around.)

Morning comes and Lola awakens to the smell of fresh bread wafting throughout the house. She lets out a yawn as she walks into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Hyacinth!" Hazel calls out, setting the breakfast table. Lola forces a smile on her face at that.

(She hadn't given them her real name. She hadn't even given Wagner her real name. She needed some distance from Lola Graham. Some distance from everything that has happened.)

"Ma's out finalizing some orders." Hazel explains, forcing Lola down into a seat. "But I called the clinic for you. Wagner's assistant, Seth, he's on his way now."

Lola purses her lips before nodding her head.

Wagner had mentioned in passing that he had another apprentice, but Lola had hoped that she would have a bit more time before meeting them.

It wasn't that Lola was ashamed of her skills or anything, but Resembool was a small town out in the mountains. Barcombe was small as well; but unlike Resembool, Barcombe had close access to multiple cities and research areas.

(Seth might already be so far ahead of her. He would be able to go on and get certified as a real doctor who could work with patients, while Lola would most likely spend whatever amount of life she had left as an assistant.)

Lola slowly sips at her tea as Hazel sits across from her.

"How long do you plan to stay in Barcombe?" Hazel asks her, ripping off a piece of bread. Lola shrugs.

'As long as my apprenticeship lasts.' Lola writes.

(As long as I plan to stay alive for.)

"Great! I could use another girl friend." Hazel says, beaming. "Since we live near so many cities, once people come of age they always try to move somewhere that's more 'interesting'."

Hazel rolls her eyes at that as she spreads some jam onto her bread.

"My friend Lucy-I love her to death-she went and moved to West City to go and live with her aunt. She wants to be a teacher, and they have a good program out there." Hazel explains, placing the knife down on the table before grinning at Lola. "It must've been fate that we ran into each other yesterday. I'll show you around once you get situated at Wagner's. Not that there's much to see."

Lola simply nods her head, taking a tiny bite out of her bread, as someone knocks on the door.

"Hazel!" A voice calls out. "Open up!"

The girl rolls her eyes as she gets up from her seat.

"Stop banging on my door, Seth!" Hazel retorts, causing Lola's eyes to widen. "I'm coming!"

(Seth. That was who she would be working with.)

Lola touches her hair self consciously, as she straightens up. She pats down her skirt.

She has been traveling for days, her clothes are wrinkled, and her hair desperately needs to be combed.

(She hasn't felt this self conscious in an incredibly long time.)

A tall boy follows Hazel into the kitchen, rubbing the back of his head as Hazel nudges him in his side. Green eyes zero in on Lola, and the redhead feels as if she's swallowed a lemon.

Seth is perfect in every inconceivable way. He has dark hair, pale skin, and almond shaped green eyes that remind Lola of the Resembool countryside. Not only is he probably more advanced when it comes to medicine, he's also one of the prettiest people she has ever had the pleasure of seeing.

(Life simply wasn't fair.)

"Are you Hyacinth?" Seth asks, a bright smile on his face. Lola nods her head.

"Do you have any medical experience?" The boy asks, looking her up and down. He looks a bit disappointed even though he's smiling, but Lola tries to ignore it.

Lola brings out her notepad, and Seth's eyes widen just a bit.

"She can't speak." Hazel whispers, causing Seth to whip his head towards the girl. Lola feels something settle in her stomach.

"How do you plan to be a doctor if you can't speak to your patients?" Seth asks, and his voice sounds incredibly condescending. Lola grits her teeth.

'I'm still incredibly skilled when it comes to treating patients.' Lola writes, her amber eyes narrowed. 'I have experience and I want to use that experience to help other people.'

(For as long as I can.)

"You'll never make it far." Seth says, matter of factly. "There aren't a lot of medical schools that would be willing to take you. They might not even certify you." The fact that he's still smiling as he says this makes Lola want to rip her hair out.

The Amestrian government is strict when it comes to people with certain disabilities. Especially if those disabilities had the power to hinder daily life. The moment Lola realized she could no longer speak, was the moment she realized her dreams would also be much harder to reach.

She wants to be able to work with her patients. She wants to be able to provide them comfort. She will not be able to do that to the best of her ability if she cannot speak to them.

(She knows all of this, she has spent many nights crying over this. But, even so-)

"Don't be rude." Hazel says, shoving the boy's shoulder. She gives Lola an apologetic look. "Forgive him. He has no idea how to talk to a lady, or anyone really. I'm his only friend."

"I have friends-"

"Name one." Hazel cuts off, giving the boy a look. Seth grumbles as he simply looks away.

"I'm sure you'll do fine." Hazel tells her, placing a hand on Lola's shoulder. Lola smiles slightly at that.

(Being here wouldn't be too bad. She could do this.)

"Well, we should get going." Seth says, reaching over to pick up Lola's luggage. He is still smiling. "We're a pretty small town, so the fact you still got lost is pretty sad."

Lola's brow twitches as Hazel tears into him. Seth simply shrugs.

(Well, most of it wouldn't be too bad.)

Wagner is a thin man. He smells of cigarette smoke, and looks a lot sicklier than Lola had expected.

"So you're Hyacinth?" Wagner asks her, putting his cigarette out as Seth dumps her suitcase in the corner. "I have to say, I was surprised when you started writing to me."

(She had found an old letter of her mother's. One she had written when she was pregnant with Lola, when her mind was still fully there. That was how she had found Wagner's address.)

"You said that Mary was your mother?" The man says, looking her up and down. "I see the resemblance. You two would almost be twins if it wasn't for the hair. Who's your father?"

(Yuriy was the only father she had ever known.)

'I have no idea who my biological father is.' Lola writes, shrugging her shoulders. Wagner looks down at her notepad, before looking back up towards her.

"You didn't mention you couldn't speak in your letter." The man says, raising a brow. "That's a rather important piece of information."

Lola's hands tremble, as she writes on her notepad once again. Wagner raises a hand, however.

"You can't be the type of doctor you want to be, if you can't speak to your patients." Wagner says, shaking his head. "What if you're treating a blind man? How do you expect him to read your notepad then? Or if it's a young child that hasn't yet learned how to read?"

Lola feels her eyes burn, as he says the words she had dreaded hearing more than anything.

"I'm sorry." The man says, shaking his head. "You might be able to find a career in research someday, but I don't have the time to take on special cases. Even if you are Mary's daughter, I can't help you. I think it's best if you go back home."

(Golden hair, wrenches that were left on the kitchen table overnight, kind smiles that she might never see again-pain, pain, pain-)

Lola narrows her eyes and takes a step forward.

'Take a chance on me.' Lola writes. Wagner shakes his head.

"I dont have the time to take chances on anything." Wagner says, coughing slightly. "We're a small town, and I don't have the time to make any special accommodations for ya. Seth, help this young lady find a place to stay."

Seth goes to pick up her suitcase, but Lola stands in his way. Her eyes are narrowed, daring the boy to take another step.

(She could take him if it came down to it.)

'I have spent days traveling here.' Lola writes, glaring at Wagner. 'You and I have been in contact for over a year.'

"You would only be wasting your time here." Wagner counters, sitting up a bit straighter. "The board of medicine will never allow you to get certified as the kind of doctor who can look after patients. If anything, you'll just spend the rest of your life in a lab rather than in the hospital."

(That was fine, Lola didn't plan to live long anyway.)

'As long as I can help as many people as possible.' Lola writes, smiling a bit. 'I will be satisfied.'

(That is all Lola is good for.)

Seth whistles as Wagner gives her an appraising look. The man runs a hand over his face, he looks slightly aggravated.

"I didn't think you'd be this stubborn." Wagner says, shaking his head. "You're going to be a pain, aren't ya?"

'I will be fine with whatever work you give me.' Lola writes, standing tall. 'Just please let me learn as much as I can and let me help as many people as I can.'

Wagner gives her a long look, before letting out a sigh.

"Well." He says eventually, letting out another set of coughs. "If you're fine with that, then who am I to judge? Don't expect any special treatment from me, however. Even if you'll only be an assistant, you'll still be expected to work to the bone."

Lola takes a deep breath, grinning fully.

'I wouldn't want it any other way.'

Seth shows her to a room near the edge of the clinic. It's small and a bit dusty, but Lola smiles at it anyway.

'Thank you.' She writes, before walking towards her bed. Seth lingers in the doorway, however.

"Look." he starts off, running a hand through his hair. "I think we got off on the wrong foot."

Lola blinks up at him as the boy awkwardly moves forward. He reaches a hand out towards Lola, a bit embarrassed. His confident smile from before is completely gone.

"My name's Seth." He says, introducing himself again, looking anywhere but in Lola's direction. "And… Hazel's kind of right, I spend most of my time here so I don't really get the chance to… make friends all that much."

Lola feels a bit brighter as she looks at the previously confident boy fumble over his words.

As she takes a closer look, she can see that he's a bit skinnier than most. That his clothes are wrinkled.

(Lola likes to take care of people, and she can tell that this boy needs to be taken care of.)

Lola takes his hand happily, shaking it with enthusiasm.

'I hope we can be good friends.' Lola writes, beaming up at the boy. Seth smiles at that, scratching at his cheek.

"Yeah." He says, making his way out of her room. He freezes momentarily before he's fully out of view.

"For what it's worth." He says, looking at her once more. "Even though I said all that before, I hope you're able to do it. You seem… decent."

Lola blinks at that, as the boy finally leaves the room.

She lies down on the bed, taking everything in.

(She could do this. She would help as many people as she could before-)

Her mother flashes through Lola's mind, as the redhead closes her eyes.

(Before she decided to die.)

X. A New Opportunity

Central City 1914

Human lives, that was what was required.

"Brother," Al starts off quietly. "You haven't eaten yet."

Ed feels sick; he doesn't think he could keep food down even if he wanted to.

It was the same story over and over again. Whenever something was within their reach, it withered away almost instantly.

(Constant failure again and again-)

"What are we going to tell Lola?" Al says, and Ed jolts at that. "We promised we would find a way to heal her too. But-we can't use-"

Al cuts himself off, as Ed simply stares at the ceiling.

("I'll hold you to that." Lola had signed, smiling at them as their train left the station.)

"We don't tell her." Ed says, as Al looks towards him. "Not yet."

(Things were finally getting better between them. The way they used to be. Even if it's a bit selfish, Ed doesn't want to give that up. Never again.)

"We've already hurt her too many times." Ed says, running a hand over his face. "I'm tired of disappointing her. I want to be able to give her some good news the next time we see her."

(Even if they had spent years apart, he knows Lola wouldn't be happy with this information. He knows this isn't something she would want to be associated with. Alchemy in its entirety was something Lola didn't want to be associated with.)

Lola's eyes had used to light up at the sight of alchemy. It was something that had used to bring all of them joy.

Now she can barely stand the sight of it, and it was all thanks to him.

(Blood had trickled down her mouth as she wrapped her hands around her throat. Ed hadn't completely understood what had happened at that time, all he knew was that Lola was in pain and he was the cause of it.)

Ed runs a hand over his face.

"We need to give her some good news." Ed repeats softly.

Al is silent for a few moments before nodding his head.

"Yeah." Al says, nodding his head. "This is our burden to bear. We shouldn't worry Lola with anything."

Ed nods at that, placing all of the notes off to the side.

("I have never once hated you." She had signed, after jumping in and helping them once again.)

"Hey Al," Ed starts off, and his throat feels dry. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you-"

He is interrupted by a banging on the door.

"Elric brothers!" Comes the familiar voice of Major Armstrong. "It is I! Open up!

"What should we do?" Al asks, his voice slightly panicked. Ed just scoffs before leaning back.

"Ignore him-"

The door bursts open, causing Ed's eyes to widen.

"Edward Elric!" Major Armstrong calls out, flexing like he always did. "I heard! To think that such a tragedy was being concealed by the Philosopher's Stone,"

Ross and Brosh enter in after him, looking terrified. The two of them are huddled together, as the Major flexes in front of them.

"He's intimidating," They explain in unison, as Ed glares at the two of them.

Ed listens to the major half heartedly, his words mostly going over his head.

"Often the truth is more cruel than we bargained for," The man states, wiping at his eyes. Ed freezes at that.

("Look closely, maybe you'll find the truth hidden beyond the truth-")

A domineering white figure. All the knowledge this world could offer being shoved into his brain.

There was more to it.

"The truth," He says softly, catching the attention of everyone in the room.

"Brother?" Al questions as Ed straightens up a bit.

(He thinks of Lola smiling at them again for the first time in years, truly smiling, and he thinks they may not have to lose that. They may not have to disappoint her yet again. There's still something that they're missing.)

"There's something else." Ed says, his eyes narrowed as he looks at everyone in the room.

They were still missing an important part of the puzzle.

Barcombe 1914

Thomas Wagner 1850 - 1913

Lola stands in front of the grave, her hands pressed together as she hopes that Wagner is experiencing peace in the next life.

(She knew it was strange. Strange that a former alchemist who had denied any thoughts of a God at multiple points still attempted to pray to one. But, even so, she hoped that her thoughts would be taken into account by whoever was up there.)

"How did I know I'd find you here?" A familiar voice calls out, as Lola whips her head back. She beams at the familiar face, running forward to press a kiss to his cheek.

Seth laughs at that, hugging her back easily enough.

"I would have picked you up at the train station." Seth says as Lola shakes her head.

"I needed to get reacquainted with the area." Lola signs, before smirking slightly. "I didn't want to get lost."

Seth laughs at that, before glancing over towards Wagner's grave. Lola can see the way he tenses up.

(Wagner's death had hit Seth much harder. Seth had lived with the man since childhood.)

Lola reaches forward, pressing her hand against his cheek.

"Your wife has come all the way to visit you. You should be happy." Lola signs, smiling up at him. "Don't tell me there's someone else?"

Seth snorts at that, taking Lola's hand in his own.

"I should be the one asking you that." Seth says, as they walk forward. "You've been out traveling for so long. Has anyone caught your eye?"

Lola's face warms, as she shakes her head, averting her gaze.

(She pushes away thoughts of Ed. Nothing will come from it.)

Seth looks back at Wagner's grave, as Lola lightly bumps him in his side.

"Let's go back to the clinic, my love." Lola signs teasingly, giving him a side hug. The boy has grown even taller since the last time they had seen each other, so Lola has to reach upwards quite a bit.

Seth nods at that, before smiling down at her.

"Of course, darling," He says as they move forward, putting an arm over Lola's shoulder as he presses a kiss to Lola's temple. "You can tell me about everything that's happened this past year."

"You jumped out of a building?" Seth asks her, a completely unimpressed look on his face as he packs away some medication for the townspeople. Lola nods her head as she lays back against the couch.

The clinic is still up and running. With Wagner gone, even though Seth is still only an apprentice, he has taken over running it. He has hired two more assistants as well. Mira-a talkative girl from West City- and Alexandr-a more subdued young man who has come all the way from Drachma and is looking for any decent form of pay.

"I thought you said you wanted to live?" Seth asks, taking the seat next to her. "That seems rather counterproductive."

Lola nods her head, kicking her legs over the boy's lap.

"This happened before I had that little revelation." Lola signs. "Besides, I wasn't trying to kill myself. As crazy as it sounds, that was the only way for me to live in that moment."

Seth stares at her, as Lola smiles happily. Eventually he just runs a hand over his face.

"You're trying to make me a widower before I even turn twenty." Seth says, shaking his head. Lola shoves the boy's shoulder.

"It was your idea to get married." Lola signs, a cheeky smile on her face. "Don't try and back out now. We're already a year in."

"I only did it to help you out." Seth counters. "If I had known it would be this stressful-"

"You still would have done it." Lola signs with one hand, patting his cheek with the other. "Because you're a good person."

Seth rolls his eyes at that, but doesn't deny it. He looks up at the ceiling for a few moments.

"Yet… I still hadn't been able to convince you to change your mind." Seth says slowly. "Yet, those boys you grew up with did."

Lola looks down at her lap, before nodding her head.

Seth is silent for a few moments, before leaning back.

"They must really be something special." Seth says, shaking his head. "Do they know about the marriage?"

Lola's eyes widen as she hurriedly shakes her head.

"They wouldn't understand." Lola signs, shuddering at the thought. "I think they would look at me differently if they knew."

(Things were finally good between them again, and she will not ruin it for anything.)

"What about your sister?" Seth asks. Lola simply lays back, covering her face with her hands.

(Winry had forgiven her for leaving. She does not know if the blonde would forgive her for getting married without telling her.)

"So you haven't told any of your family?" Seth asks. Lola nods her head, her hands still covering her face.

Seth laughs at that, as Lola throws a pillow at him.

"So I'm basically your dirty little secret? I feel cheap." Seth says, fending off Lola's attacks. Lola's face warms.

"They know about you." Lola signs. "They just think you're a friend. And… if I were to tell them I got married…"

(She might have to tell them why she had done it so hastily. She might have to tell them about the fact she had planned to die as well.)

Lola takes a deep breath, before straightening up a bit.

"You said you had some news about research of Wagner's." Lola signs, her eyes growing a bit more serious. "What is it?'

Seth grows a bit serious, as he clears his throat.

"A man from Central came by the clinic a few weeks ago." Seth tells her, his eyes narrowing. "He said that he had met you and Wagner when you had gone out to West City on that trip of yours two years ago. When you had gone to test out that drug prototype. A Dr. Martin."

(She remembered him. He had been a rather nervous man, and had only spoken whenever someone had explicitly spoken to him. He had been the most excited about Wagner's research, however.)

"What did he want?" Lola signs, something tightening in her chest. Seth smiles at that.

"He wants to sponsor your research." Seth says, as Lola's eyes widen. "He has a very advanced research facility in Central, and once I make the call he says he would be happy to go in more depth with your research and to even have a team look into it."

Something drops in Lola's stomach.

("This is worse than I imagined." Wagner had told her, once the trials had been done. Once they saw how devastating the drug could be. Wagner grabbed Lola's hand. "Lola, promise me you'll be careful with this. Don't let this get in the wrong hands.")

While it was Wagner's name and reputation that had given the research any backing, Lola had been the one to come up with the idea. To actually create the drug using alchemy.

("Don't use alchemy." Wagner had said to her in his dying breath. "Not like this.")

While a part of her had been upset she would never get credit for it, at the time she had simply been happy that she would be able to do something worthwhile.

But now, it is different. Wagner is gone, and if she actually wants this research to mean something she needs another powerful name to push it forward.

(At the end of the day, she was a mute seventeen year old girl with questionable citizenship. Nobody cared about what she had to say by herself.)

Lola blinks, as Seth taps her shoulder to get her attention.

"What will you do?" Seth asks her, and Lola shrugs her shoulders.

(Dr. Martin. She didn't know if she could trust him or not. But, he had seemed kind enough, and frankly she had no other options.)

"Call him for me." Lola signs. "Need to meet with him."

Dear Winry & Granny,

I finally made it back to Barcombe, but sadly I won't be staying here for long.

I have a research opportunity in Central and I plan to leave in the upcoming days. By the time you guys receive this letter I might already be there.

I'll try to visit Resembool again sometime next month, once I get situated. I promise I won't be a stranger and will come back for dinner once in a while. Central is a lot closer to Resembool than Barcombe so it'll be a bit easier.

Barcombe is really peaceful for the most part. But, since it has access to multiple cities, people are always passing through. Just the other day I met a woman who had come all the way from Rush Valley. Her automail was really interesting, I know you two would have loved it.

I have a few preparations to make, so I can't write as long of a letter as I would like. But, I'm safe, and when I get more time I'll write a more detailed account of everything that's going on.

I love you guys,

Lola

"You're already leaving?" Hazel asks her, as she serves Lola a cup of tea. "You just got back and you're already looking to leave again?"

Lola nods her head, as Hazel sinks into the seat across from her.

Hazel hadn't changed much. Her hair had gotten a bit longer, and her features slightly more defined, but still mostly the same.

'Sorry for leaving again so suddenly.' Lola writes, with a sheepish smile. 'But, it's a really good opportunity.'

"Everyone leaves here once they get the chance." Hazel says, shaking her head. "Once Seth stops getting cold feet, he'll leave to go to medical school and get certified."

Hazel slumps forward a bit, as she rests her head in her palm.

"I'm happy for you guys." Hazel says softly. "It's just… it gets lonely y'know?"

Lola purses her lips at that, as Hazel hastily changes the subject.

(Hazel craves adventure too, Lola sees it in her eyes whenever she tells her about what life outside of Barcombe is like. She wants more than anything to leave Barcombe behind. But, she also doesn't want to leave her mother.)

"So…" Hazel starts off, taking on a sly tone. "Meet any boys on your journey?"

Lola's heart speeds up, and she wills herself not to think of golden eyes that touched something deep down within her soul whenever she stared into them for too long.

'Hazel.' Lola writes instead, the picture of composure. 'Please. I'm a married woman.'

Hazel snorts at that, lightly nudging Lola's foot.

"Oh please." Hazel says, shaking her head. "We all know that marriage was a sham. Once your citizenship is finalized and you guys finally get divorced-something we'll need to celebrate by the way- we need to find a cute guy for Seth too."

Lola rolls her eyes at that, as Hazel continues to grill her about any romantic prospects.

Back when Lola had planned to die, when her mind had been set on it, she had begun looking into what would happen afterwards. Where she might be buried.

(She had thought of her mother, and she didn't want Winry and Granny to not know where she was buried. She was already leaving them behind, so she had wanted to at least give them some form of closure.)

She had found out that if you weren't a full born Amestrian citizen, you would not be allowed to be buried in Amestris. Your body would be shipped off to a border town and you would be buried there.

Lola had been born in Fotset before it had been recognized as an Amestrian territory, which meant that her own citizenship wasn't entirely valid.

(It was also the reason why her surname was still Graham instead of Rockbell officially. Yes, she hadn't wanted to deny her mother or one of the last things they had shared, but Sara and Yuriy also hadn't been able to officially adopt her due to her citizenship issues. Lola had been seen as their ward when they were still alive, even though the two had made it clear they saw Lola as their daughter.)

She had shared her worries with Seth one night, after she had told him of her plans, after he had cried but eventually grew to accept it.

("My mother was from Xing." Seth had brought forth, his eyes still a bit red. "She married my father to finalize her citizenship. It's not exactly something that's viewed in a good light, but it'll get the job done."

Lola had frozen at that, before giving the boy a look.

"That's great and all," She had signed. "But there isn't exactly anyone lining up to marry me."

Seth had hummed, rubbing at his eyes once again, before staring at Lola with a determined look.

"I'll do it." He had said, grabbing her hand.)

After she had stopped laughing and Lola had realized that Seth was one hundred percent serious, she had eventually accepted his offer.

A few days later, after they had told Hazel and the girl had absolutely flipped, they found a courthouse and signed the necessary papers.

(Even if the marriage was fake, a part of her had wished Winry and Granny had been there too. The boys as well.)

Due to the fact that Seth was attracted to men-a fact he had confided in both her and Hazel about after they had stolen a bottle of wine one night after a festival-it meant Lola didn't have to worry about there being any actual feelings involved as well.

(She cannot be with someone in that way. The idea of romantic love seems appealing, but she will not put anyone through the burden of being with someone as complicated as her.)

She thinks of golden hair, the color red, and crooked smiles and takes a deep breath.

'No boys.' Lola writes with a tone of finality. 'I wouldn't even have the time.'

Hazel pouts at that, before leaning back.

"That's boring, Lola." The girl says, as Lola smiles.

'Where's Hippolyta?' Lola writes, looking around. 'I haven't seen her.'

Hazel purses her lips, placing her head in her hands.

"Her eyesight hasn't been the best lately." Hazel discloses, shaking her head. "She refuses to get treatment, though, or to see any specialist. She finally listened to me and went to take a break. She's been fast asleep since morning."

(If it had been over a year ago, Lola would have offered to try and use her alchemy to fix it. To try and play God even though she has been shown time and time again that she is only a simple human.)

'I hope she gets better.' Lola writes instead. 'The clinic should have some medicine to help with that.'

(Alchemy would probably make it worse.)

Hazel nods her head, her eyes lighting up as she grabs Lola's hand.

"I made a dress for you." Hazel says, practically beaming. "Your hips are a bit wider than the last time you were here so we might have to let it out a bit, but it should look amazing on you."

Lola blinks at that, before patting Hazel's shoulder.

'You're still as blunt as always.' Lola writes, shaking her head. Hazel lets out a laugh, pulling Lola along.

"Life is too short to beat around the bush." The girl says, her grip tight on Lola's hand.

Central City 1914

His entire body aches, as Ed pushes himself to go to the telephone. He thinks of his dysfunctioning automail arm, and prepares himself for the lecture Winry is undoubtedly about to give him.

("Listen to me boy." The woman had hissed, her arms crossed as Ed laid on the floor, struggling to stay conscious. "The only reason you're alive is because we allowed you to live.")

Ed lets out a sigh, as Winry finally picks up the phone.

"Ed?" The blonde says, sounding surprised. "Since when do you ever call?"

Ed tenses up, preparing for the outburst as he explains his situation. Instead of outrage, however, Winry is unexpectedly calm.

"Yeah." The blonde says instead, sounding a bit dejected. "That sounds about right. What exactly were you doing when your autmail stopped working?"

(No lecture? That wasn't like Winry.)

Ed bites down on his lip.

"Well… I was in a really rough fight." He says slowly, bracing himself.

The other side is silent for only a moment, before Winry bursts out.

"You idiot! You did it again!" The blonde yells, as Ed holds the phone away from his ear as the blonde continues on.

(That was more like Winry.)

"I'll be there." The blonde says eventually, as Ed puts the phone closer to his ear again.

"Thanks. Sorry to bother you like this." Ed says, grateful that the lecture hadn't been too extensive. He goes to hang up the phone, before stalling.

("Please don't die." She had made them promise, and he had come so close.)

"Is Lola there?" Ed asks, putting the phone up to his ear again. "It's fine if she's busy, I was just wondering."

(A part of him feels nervous, but he's not exactly sure why.)

"Lola went back to Barcombe." Winry explains, and Ed sags forward slightly. "Unlike you and Al she already sent us a letter the first day she got there."

(He knew it sounded stupid, but a part of him had hoped that she would be there. He knew he wouldn't be able to speak to her, but to at least know she was there.)

Ed hears Granny say something, but her words are muffled.

"... Granny says she's on the way to Central." Winry says slowly, and Ed snaps to attention at that. "She might already be there."

(He can't tell her about the philosopher's stone, not yet.)

"Why is she coming all the way down here?" Ed asks, his brow slightly furrowed.

"Her research." Winry says, and her voice softens. "She said she was given a new opportunity."

(Her research, one of the only things that would bring a true smile to her face nowadays.)

"That's good." Ed says softly. "I'm happy for her."

Winry hums at that, before saying:

"Ed, you're acting kind of weird." The blonde states, causing Ed to choke. "Did you hit your head while fighting too?"

"What the Hell is that supposed to mean?" Ed snaps. "Excuse me for showing concern!"

"Oh calm down." Winry says, her tone light. "Try not to get worked up. I didn't say it was a bad thing. I'm… I'm glad that things are better between you and Lola now. I was afraid they might not be. That we couldn't go back to the way things were."

Ed grips the phone at that.

(Lola breaking down after realizing she couldn't speak. Lola forcing a smile onto her face even though it was obvious she wasn't quite sure how to interact with him and Al anymore. Lola leaving in the middle of the night as he went to get his state alchemist qualification. Him coming back with his state alchemist watch in hand, only to find Winry in tears and Granny making phone call after phone call.)

"I'll find a way to fix everything, Winry." Ed promises yet again. "I will."

(He kept making promise after promise. A part of him isn't sure if he'll be able to keep up with it all.)

"Don't get yourself killed along the way." Winry says. "I know you think Lola hates you for what happened. Even though she's said multiple times that she doesn't. But, she wouldn't be happy if something happened to you two. Neither would I."

(He doesn't understand why Lola doesn't hate him. He doesn't think he ever will.)

"Yeah." He says, smiling slightly. "Thanks Winry."

As he goes to hang up the phone, Sergeant Brosh appears.

"Was that your girlfriend?" The man asks, causing Ed to jump up as his injuries open up once again. "Who's Lola?"

As Brosh wheels Ed back to his hospital room, telling the blond of the many girlfriends he had as a teenager, Ed thinks about Winry's words. He thinks of red hair.

("I'll hold you to that.")

It isn't over. He still has people counting on him.

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa.

"This is someone talking"

'This is someone writing'

"This is someone using sign language"

Part I. Knowledge

Resembool 1904

Lola is sitting underneath the oak tree on top of the hill, an anatomy textbook tucked underneath her arm, when Ed and Al run up to her.

"Lola!" Ed calls out, causing the redhead to open her eyes. "We need you to settle something!"

Lola lets out a yawn before smiling at the two of them.

"What is it?" she asks, stretching slightly. "Please don't tell me you guys are fighting over something stupid again."

"It's important," Al says as Ed nods his head solemnly. "It's about Winry."

Lola snaps to attention at that, her eyes widening.

The blonde is supposed to be spending the day with Pinako. The elderly woman is showing Winry the basics of automail and what she would need to learn if she wanted to pursue it.

(Winry is bright. Lola knows Ed and Al will do great things. She also knows that Winry will be right up there with them.)

"What happened to Winry?" Lola asks, her voice frantic. "Is she alright?"

"One of us is going to marry her," Ed says proudly, causing Lola to gape at him. "We need you to help us figure out who."

Lola places her hands onto her face as she mulls over what the boy just said.

(Lola didn't know a lot about marriage, but she knew it was serious. She also knew that you were only supposed to do it with someone you really loved.)

"Marriage? With Winry?" Lola repeats as the boys both nod their heads.

Lola swoons at that and nods her head.

(She loves romance. She thinks of Mr. Khan and the way he talked of his late wife. She thinks of Sara and Yuriy and the way they would melt into each other's arms.)

Lola has never experienced it herself, but she knows it has to be a wonderful thing due to the way it always seems to brighten up the people who do experience it. And if it's a wonderful thing, then it's something that Winry should definitely experience, even for a moment.

Lola sits up a bit straighter, and looks over at the two of them, clenching her fist.

"Alright," she says, nodding her head. "I'll help you settle it."

Lola's brow twitches as the boys stand a few feet away from each other in the meadow. They both have their eyes narrowed.

"When I said I would help you settle this," Lola starts off, folding her arms, "I didn't think you guys meant you would actually fight each other. There are other ways."

Ed and Al both shake their heads.

"This is the only way," they say in unison, causing Lola to shake her head.

(They were such idiots.)

Lola lets out a sigh as she raises her hand in the air.

"Alright!" she calls out, slightly regretting her decision. "On the count of three, begin! One! Two! Three!"

Lola puts her hand down as the two boys charge at each other.

The fight is over fairly quickly, with Al tackling Ed to the ground and sitting on top of him. Lola stifles a laugh at that before going over to pull Al up to his feet.

"Alphonse is the winner!" Lola calls out, holding the boy's hand up in the air. Al preens at that as Ed continues to lie on the ground.

"I'm off!" Al says proudly, a bright smile on his face.

"Good luck!" Lola calls out after him as the boy runs in the direction of Granny Pinako's workshop.

Lola lets out a sigh as she lies down next to Ed.

"I lost," the boy says, and Lola nods her head.

"Sorry," the redhead says. "But… I don't think Winry really wants to get married now anyway. Al might end up getting disappointed. She's really focused on learning automail."

Ed doesn't respond to that, and Lola nudges him with her foot.

"Hey…why'd you guys decide you want to marry Winry anyway?" Lola asks, looking over at him. "She's amazing, I mean, but you guys never showed any interest before."

"We asked Mom why she got with Dad," Ed starts off. "Since he's always away from here. She said that being around him made her happy and that you should only be with someone if you're really good friends with them first. We're good friends with Winry, so we figured one of us should marry her."

"I thought your Mom and Dad weren't married?" Lola questions and Ed's face sours.

"Yeah, and he ended up leaving." Ed says gritting his teeth. "Aunt Sara and Uncle Yuriy are married and they're still together. So marriage must be the better option."

Lola hums at that, tugging at the ribbon on her wrist as something turns in her stomach.

"You said that you're good friends with Winry. Are we good friends too?" Lola asks, slightly afraid of the answer.

(They had spent so much time together that Lola had just assumed. But she never heard them say it out loud.)

"Of course we are, you idiot," Ed says, shoving her shoulder. Lola lets out a breath. "But, we couldn't marry you. We're alchemy rivals, it would complicate things."

"Yeah," Lola says softly, letting out a laugh. "Besides, I think I'd want my future husband to be taller than me at least."

"It's not my fault you're a giant!" Ed snaps, his face slightly red. "I'm still growing!"

"Whatever you say," Lola says teasingly, patting the boy's head. Ed is practically foaming at the mouth.

(She lives for moments like these. Where she can breathe easily and simply enjoy living in the present.)

"I found a new book in the study," Ed says as they stare at the sky. "It has a lot of new alchemy symbols that Al and I haven't seen before."

Lola turns her head at that, her eyes shining.

"You have to show me," she says, grinning so hard her face hurts. "Please? Mr. Khan only showed me the basics. I've been using the same ones over and over."

Ed folds his arms, turning his nose up in the air with a satisfied grin on his face.

"Al and I are already so far ahead of you," the blond boy gloats, causing Lola to frown. "We're gonna leave you in the dust."

"In your dreams," Lola says, her voice determined. Alchemy is the one thing that makes her feel whole; she will not give it up for anything. She will be the best she possibly can.

(Alchemy is able to do so many things. Sometimes at night, when Lola can't sleep and she is plagued with memories of her life from before, she wonders if alchemy could have helped her mother.)

Lola bats her eyelashes, a trick she had learned at the orphanage whenever she wanted the matrons to be a bit kinder to her, and moves closer to Ed.

"Please show me?" the girl asks with her hands pressed together. Ed's face turns red. The blond grumbles to himself, before turning away.

"Whatever," the boy says. "Al was going to invite you anyway."

Lola cheers at that before laying down on the grass once again.

Ed can be a bit rude and there are times when he reminds Lola of a grumpy cat rather than a five year old boy, but she likes him all the same.

"I'm glad I got to meet you, Ed," Lola says, staring up at the sky. "Even if you have a short temper."

"Who are you calling short?!" Ed exclaims, clenching his fist, completely missing the point of Lola's statement. The redhead simply laughs at that, taking in the cool breeze.

She thinks her mother would have been happy that she was able to meet such amazing people.

XI. Fathers and Daughters

Central City 1914

("Don't use alchemy. Not like this.")

Lola walks through the streets of Central, looking through the multiple marketplaces and shopping centers. She figures since Central is going to be her home for the foreseeable future, she should at least be well acquainted with it.

Dr. Martin had been ecstatic to see her. Mentioning that he thought had seen her on the train to East City a few weeks back, sitting next to a man wearing a suit of armor.

('A childhood friend,' Lola had explained, as the man gave her a slightly strange look. 'He wears the armor as a hobby.')

He introduced her to his team, which consisted of multiple specialists that left Lola feeling completely out of her depth.

Dr. Monroe-a specialist in neurological research. Dr. Dressler- a specialist in psychology and human behavior who recently frequented mental health facilities. Dr. Becker-a retired physician attempting to advocate for better facilities to care for the mentally ill.

Lola Graham-a seventeen year old girl who had made a lucky breakthrough with no accolades to her name.

(Wagner had been skeptical about continuing with the research. Once he saw what it was capable of, what Lola was capable of, he wanted to put a stop to it.)

But, Lola had convinced him to give it another chance. She had promised she would try not to use alchemy in the way she had in that research facility in West City. She had promised.

(She broke her promise. When she had attacked Scar, she had broken her promise and taken slight pleasure in it.)

She takes a deep breath as she goes into an Aerugonian inspired bakery. She smiles as she looks over the menu options.

(Her mother used to bake pastries from Aerugo all the time. She had loved it in fact. She would make Lola cannolis and torrones-)

"Lola Graham?"

Lola stiffens before turning her head to the side.

Maes Hughes stares at her, a tiny girl sitting on his shoulders. He grins at her as his eyes light up in recognition.

"Graham!" The tiny girl calls out. "Like the cracker!"

Lola nods her head and pulls out her notepad.

'Nice to see you again, Mr. Hughes,' Lola writes, smiling up at him. She looks at the little girl and beams. 'Is this your daughter?'

Hughes gushes at that as he swings the little girl up in the air.

"This is my darling Elysia!" he says as the tiny girl laughs, completely enamoured with her father. Lola's heart twinges.

(Yuriy ruffling her hair, making her feel loved. "I'm proud of you, Lola." He was the only father she had ever known.)

"I had the day off, so I decided to surprise my wife with some sweets. She loves this place." Hughes says, his daughter tucked into his side. "Her name's Gracia, she's a godsend-"

Lola blinks as the man goes into avid detail about how amazing his wife and family is. The passers-by shake their heads fondly at the scene.

"That's Maes for ya," She can hear someone say. "Always a family man."

"Anyways, enough about me," the man says, a goofy grin on his face. "What are you doing in Central? Do the boys know you're here?"

'I had a research opportunity,' Lola replies before mulling over his words. 'What do you mean about the boys? Aren't they usually stationed in East City?'

Hughes gives her a curious look before explaining. "Well yes, but they had some business in Central. Ed's in the hospital right now actually. I was gearing up to visit them tomorrow. Visiting hours are over now."

("Don't die." She had made them promise.)

'What happened?' Lola writes, her brow furrowed. 'Are they alright?'

"Those boys are tough," Hughes says, a warm smile on his face. "They're fine. They just need some time to recuperate."

(She worries too much.)

Lola purses her lips before writing.

'Take me with you,' Lola writes, her eyes determined even though she wants to march over there right this second. 'If you're going tomorrow, then please take me with you.'

Hughes blinks at that before nodding his head.

"Of course!" he says, and Lola takes a deep breath. "What are your plans for the rest of the day?"

Lola smiles sheepishly at that.

'I actually need to look into finding an apartment,' she writes before scratching her cheek. 'I'm staying in a hotel as of right now, but I need something a bit more permanent. Could you help me with that actually?'

Hughes simply grins at that, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Nonsense!" he says, causing Lola to look up at him curiously. "We have a spare room back at the house. You can stay with my family and me for as long as you need."

Lola's eyes widen as Elysia cheers.

"Stay! Stay!" the girl says, beaming at Lola. Lola has to swallow down a lump in her throat.

(He really does remind her of Yuriy.)

Lola ducks her head before smiling slightly.

'Thank you,' she writes, a soft smile on her face. 'Thank you so much.'

Gracia is just as wonderful as Maes described, and the way the two of them act around each other makes Lola feel warm and fuzzy inside.

(She still loves romance. She isn't delusional enough to believe she'll ever have it for herself, but it's nice to dream.)

She can't really communicate with Elysia due to the fact the girl cannot read properly yet, but she enjoys the girl's company nonetheless.

(Thoughts of Ed and Al fill her mind, but she tries to push it away. It is late, she can visit them tomorrow.)

"Big sister!" Elysia says, taking the seat next to her. "My birthday is tomorrow!"

Lola beams at that and claps her hands.

"All my friends are coming over!" the girl says, bouncing up and down. "Tabitha, Eli, Samantha, Cassidy-"

As the girl listed off the names of all the people coming over, Lola wasn't quite sure how to handle the fact that this little girl probably had more friends than she did.

Lola purses her lips and points towards Elysia.

'Popular,' Lola writes down on her notepad. The girl blinks at that, furrowing her brow.

"P-pop-ular?" Elysia tries to repeat slowly looking at Lola for confirmation.

Lola nods her head.

"What does that mean?"

"It means you're very well liked, Elysia," Gracia says warmly as she sets the table. "Lola is saying you have a lot of friends."

"Oh," the girl grins. "I guess so!"

(Lola can't ever remember being this innocent. This happy and untouched by the trauma of the world. She knows it's unrealistic, but a part of her hopes that Elysia will stay this way forever.)

"Dinner is ready, you two," Gracia says as Maes walks in. He gives Gracia a kiss that Elysia laughs at before coming over to swing his daughter up in the air.

"I can't wait for tomorrow, Daddy!" Elysia says as Maes puts her down in her seat.

"It's your special day, princess," Maes says warmly. "Three is an important age!"

Lola smiles at that as she takes a seat at the table as well.

Gracia has made spinach quiche and it's frankly one of the best things Lola has ever tasted.

"Are you enjoying the food, Lola?" Gracia asks, and Lola nods her head, beaming over at the woman.

'Amazing,' Lola writes. 'You're a wonderful cook.'

"How long do you plan to stay in Central?" Maes asks, and Lola bites her lip.

(This research was a new opportunity. She didn't want to run away from something that could be good. She wanted to hold on for once.)

'Not sure yet,' Lola writes sheepishly. 'But I think I'd like to stay in Central for at least a few months. Then I want to see where I'm at.'

"Central!" Elysia calls out, recognizing one of the words. Maes smiles at that before sharing a look with Gracia.

"Well, you can stay as long as you need to," he says, beaming. "It isn't easy finding a good apartment these days, so don't stress yourself."

Gracia nods at that as Maes takes her hand.

"We love the company," she says. "Besides, Elysia already loves you."

Lola blinks at that as the aforementioned girl reaches for her.

"Big sister," the girl asks, her eyes bright. "How do you talk with your hands? Can you teach me to do that?"

(This was too much.)

Granny told her she needed to find more moments to cherish, more reasons to live. She thinks the Hughes family may have just been added to the list.

Lola smiles at that and nods her head as she pats the girl's head.

"Didn't you say that once you got the Philosopher's Stone you wouldn't need Granny and me?" Winry asks as she adjusts Ed's arm.

Ed scowls at that. "Oh, shut up." He winces slightly as another screw gets tightened. "This is giving me a lot of grief already."

(He thinks of Al and feels something tighten in his chest. Al who was trapped in that body. Al who had been distant ever since the fifth laboratory.)

"Hey… don't you think Al's been acting a bit strange?" Ed asks, looking over at Winry. The blonde hums as she reaches over to pick up another wrench.

"Strange?" she asks, tightening another screw. "How so?"

"It's like… he's not talking as much. He has something on his mind," Ed says, his brow furrowed.

Sergeant Brosh jumps up at that, his eyes wide. "Was it because I hit him?"

Ed gives him an unimpressed look. "I doubt it," he deadpans. "Al isn't the type to get taken down by something as minor as that."

Winry taps her wrench to her chin, her eyes narrowing slightly.

"Do you think he might be worried about something?" Winry asks, as she gets back to work. Ed lets out an aggravated sigh as he leans forward.

(He and Al were together all the time. If Al was worried about something, then Ed should have an idea of what it is.)

"So you don't know either," Ed says into his pillow.

"Shouldn't you know better than me? You guys are always together," Winry says, sounding a bit exasperated. Ed scowls at that.

(He knows the blonde is right, but it doesn't make him any less frustrated.)

"Maybe he has a crush?" Sergeant Brosh suggests.

(Nope. Ed knows Al better than anyone. He'd know if Al had a crush.)

"Don't mix him up with someone as horny as you," Ed retorts, causing the man to sag forward.

Winry lets out a deep breath before getting up with a bright smile.

"Ok," she says, untying her apron as she beams down at him. "Maintenance complete."

Ed grins, stretching his arm as the door opens abruptly.

"Hey, Ed!" a familiar voice says, causing him to perk up slightly. Hughes bursts into his room with a bright smile on his face. "I heard you were getting serviced by a woman in your hospital room!"

Ed feels his face warm before falling face first into the ground.

"She's my automail mechanic!" Ed hisses, his wounds aching. The man simply hums at that, stroking his chin.

"You seduced a mechanic," he says solemnly, making Ed want to rip his hair out. "Not bad at all."

Ed runs a hand over his face before spotting a flash of red hair. He feels his mouth dry as Lola comes into view with a bright smile on her face.

(Human lives were required to make the Philosopher's Stone. He couldn't tell her just yet.)

"Lola!" Winry says, bounding forward and wrapping her arms around the redhead. "I knew you were going to be in Central, but I didn't think I'd see you again so soon."

Lola smiles at that before signing:

"I heard Ed and Al were in hospital. Wanted to check on them."

Lola takes a look around, her brow furrowing as her eyes land on Ed.

"Where's Al?" she questions, and Ed bites down on his lip. "Did his armor get destroyed again?"

(That familiar weight is resting on his chest.)

"Al went out into the hallway," Ed says, rubbing the back of his head as he gets up. "You didn't have to stop by, y'know. I'm fine."

Lola's brow furrows at that.

"Of course I did. I was worried about you," she signs, taking a step forward. "You and Al can't seem to stay out of trouble."

(The last time they had seen each other, Ed had told her to rely on him. It felt as if he couldn't live up to that, either.)

Lola fiddles with the ribbon on her wrist as her eyes narrow.

"I can help with your injuries," she signs. "I'm out of practice, but I can help speed up the process."

Ed can see the way her body tenses at the thought of doing alchemy and simply shakes his head.

"I got these injuries myself, so I can heal them myself," he says, leaning back.

Lola purses her lips at that before nodding her head. "I'm glad you're alright," she signs, beaming down at him as she leans in a bit closer. Ed turns away.

(Even after everything, she still worries about them.)

Winry and Hughes get acquainted with one another as Lola sits on the edge of Ed's bed.

"I thought your alchemy teacher taught you how to fight?" Lola signs teasingly. "It seems you need a bit of a refresher course."

(Thoughts of his teacher make him shudder. She'd kill them both if she knew what they were doing.)

"Oh, shut up," Ed grimaces, leaning back and wincing slightly. "We're not usually this bad."

"You're getting rusty."

Ed scowls at that, but when he sees Lola stifle a laugh he can't really bring himself to be annoyed.

(He will never say this out loud, but he likes seeing her like this. It's almost the way it used to be. The way it was supposed to be.)

"Don't you have work you need to be doing?" Ed questions as Hughes moves forward. The man simply waves a hand at that.

"Don't worry. I gave Sheska overtime," he replies, causing Ed to roll his eyes.

(Memories of Sheska reminded him of the Philosopher's Stone.)

He's careful not to look at Lola when he thinks of the stone.

"You're an evil man," Ed deadpans as Hughes lets out another booming laugh.

"Anyways, I just wanted to check and see how you guys were doing," Hughes says, that same infectious smile coming over his face. "And to tell you the update on Scar. Your bodyguards are going to be dismissed soon."

Everything goes silent for a moment after he says that.

Lola's eyes widen, as she whips her head towards Ed.

"Scar?" Lola signs. "He's still around?"

"Bodyguards?" Winry says, her blue eyes burning. "You never told me about any of that. Just what have you guys been up to?"

Ed avoids Winry's gaze, spouting out some obvious lies that he knows neither of the girls in front of him will really believe. Winry scowls fiercely at that.

"Fine. Don't tell me anything," the blonde replies, eyes narrowing. Ed simply purses his lips, golden eyes set.

(He was doing it for her benefit. She didn't need to know everything.)

"Ed," Lola signs with one hand, her eyes narrowed as she uses her other hand to turn his face towards her. His face warms.

"What?" he says, lightly smacking her hand away.

"I asked you not to dismiss me," Lola signs, pursing her lips. "The same goes for Winry. If something is going on, please tell us."

The only way I can make it up to you for ruining your life requires multiple human sacrifices, Ed tactfully does not say. Instead he lets out a sigh, leaning back.

"You guys worry too damn much," Ed says, shaking his head. He forces a smile onto his face, moving his automail arm. "I'm fine!"

Neither of the girls look convinced.

Winry picks up her luggage, slugging it over her shoulder.

"Well, I have to go find a place to crash tonight," Winry says, nodding towards Ed. He can tell that she's still slightly annoyed about being left out of the loop. Lola perks up at that and Hughes has a wide grin on his face.

"Of course you can stay with my family," Hughes replies, taking Winry's other arm and pulling her out of the room. "You'll just love my daughter. My wife is the most amazing cook, just ask Lola-"

Winry gapes as the man practically pulls her out of the hospital room. Lola shakes her head fondly as she walks after them.

She freezes for a moment, her foot almost out of the door. She turns back to Ed with a tense look on her face.

"Is there something you want to tell me, Ed?" Lola signs, and Ed jolts. "You seem… different today for some reason."

(Not yet. He won't disappoint her just yet.)

"Nothing," Ed says easily enough, leaning back. "Shouldn't you follow after them and make sure Winry doesn't get corrupted by Hughes?"

Lola stares at him for a few moments more before smiling slightly.

"You're right," She signs quickly. "Take care of yourself. I'll be back tomorrow."

Ed waves half-heartedly as the redhead finally leaves the room. Sergeant Brosh saddles up beside him.

"So that was Lola?" He questions, and Ed's eye begins to twitch. "You have two girls vying for you? You're a dog!"

"They're childhood friends!" Ed snaps in return as his injuries open up once again.

Lola claps her hands as Elysia blows out her candles. All of her friends cheer around her as Maes takes a picture of the occasion.

(Maes loved taking pictures. It was one of the first things she noticed about the man. He loved capturing every single moment-)

Winry lets out a sigh next to her as she watches the scene with a soft smile on her face.

"Remember how we used to have parties like these back in Resembool?" Winry brings up wistfully. "This really takes me back. It feels like a lifetime ago,"

Lola nods in agreement.

(Before Sara and Yuriy left, before Trisha had gotten sick, parties were a common occurrence. Then the war started to pick up and everything went straight to Hell-)

"You and Ed would always fight over the last piece of cake," Lola brings up, smiling as Winry blushes at the memory. "Then while you were fighting Al would sneak and take it without you even noticing."

"He'd only always share it with you," Winry replies, giving Lola an annoyed look. There was fondness hidden in her gaze, however. Lola just beams at that, shrugging her shoulders.

(While Ed and Winry were stuck fighting over every little thing, Al had always been her partner in crime.)

"The bond Al and I have can't be broken," Lola replies, preening. Her shoulders sag a bit. "I wish I could've seen him today."

(Instead she had only seen Ed. Ed, who whenever he spoke caused something to flutter in her stomach. Ed, who she was-)

"Lola?" Winry asks, poking the girl's shoulder. Lola sputters slightly, wiping her mouth as she puts her drink down on the table. "Are you okay? You spaced out there for a moment."

Lola forces a smile onto her face and gives the blonde a thumbs up.

"Completely fine," she signs as she gets up. "I'm going to see if Gracia needs any help."

Winry nods at that as Lola hurriedly walks to the kitchen area.

(Once Winry realizes her feelings, none of Lola's feelings will matter anyway. She will cheer the blonde on.)

Lola takes a deep breath and sidles up beside Gracia.

"Oh, Lola, you don't need to help," Gracia says, shaking her head. "Please enjoy the festivities. You already got Elysia a present when you didn't need to."

'Of course I needed to,' Lola writes, nodding her head. 'Elysia deserves all of the presents.'

Gracia shakes her head fondly at that as Lola helps her put some of the food items away. The sound of a cocked gun causes Lola to whip her head back.

She lets out an exasperated sigh, once she sees it is only Maes trying to scare away a few boys that wanted to play with Elysia. Winry looks on in horror.

(He was going to be a menace when Elysia finally started dating.)

Lola plasters a smile onto her face as Elysia runs up to her. The present Lola had gotten for her in hand.

"Smile, Big Sister!" Elysia calls out, holding up her new camera. Lola beams, as the flash goes off.

(Lola saw the way Maes would take pictures of every single event and milestone that he could. She figured Elysia would like to do the same.)

The moment they make it to the hospital, Lola checks her pocket to see if she has any loose cigarettes.

(It was that time of the week.)

"I'm gonna head to the roof for a moment," Lola signs to Winry, placing a tiny smile on her face. "I have a bit of a headache, need some fresh air."

"Are you alright?" Winry asks, her brows furrowed.

Lola gives her a thumbs up. "Yeah, I'll be down to see the boys in a minute," she signs, hurrying up the stairs.

As Lola makes her way to the roof, she takes note of how high quality the hospital is.

(She hadn't had the chance to really see it the other day. But compared to the clinic, this was top notch. The military got all of the country's funding while the rest were left to rot-)

She breathes in, as she finally reaches the hospital roof.

She reaches into her pocket and lights her cigarette. Before she can even put it to her mouth, however, the door to the roof slams open.

Golden eyes widen as Lola breathes out a puff of smoke.

(Damn.)

"What the-Since when did you start smoking?" Ed questions, his eyes narrowing. "You dumbass! Don't you know that's bad for you?"

"I'm working on quitting," Lola signs, leaning on the railing. "Don't tell Winry, or Al for that matter."

(Winry would be upset, but the quiet disappointment that Al had a mastery over would eat her up as well.)

Ed simply gives her an unimpressed look before walking forward, taking the cigarette out of her hands, throwing it to the floor, and smashing it with his automail foot. Lola gapes at the scene.

(That had been her last one.)

"What the Hell?" Lola signs, her brow furrowed. Ed gives her a determined look.

"Instead of saying you're working on quitting, just do it." Ed says, as if it's the easiest thing in the world. Lola lets out a deep sigh, as she leans over the railing.

"We're not all as strong as you," Lola signs, pressing one hand to her temple. "Some of us need to take it slow."

"You're plenty strong," Ed says, with so much honesty and earnestness that Lola has to look away.

(It makes it hard to get over him when he says things like that.)

"Why are you on the roof?" Lola signs, and Ed flinches slightly. "Where's Al?"

Ed is silent for a moment before looking at Lola head on.

(His eyes were always so intense.)

"Why don't you hate me for what I did?" he asks, and Lola's eyes widen. He rubs the back of his head as he looks down at his feet. "I mean-Nobody would have blamed you if you did. You told us it was a bad idea, and yet we still went and did it anyway. We-we hurt you-"

Lola places a hand on Ed's shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. She smiles at him.

(To be honest, Lola doesn't think she could ever hate them.)

"A part of me wanted to," Lola signs honestly, and Ed grips at the railing. "You guys were reckless, very reckless. Wanted to stop you from making stupid mistake, but you still wouldn't listen."

Ed sags forward at that as Lola places a hand on his shoulder.

"But…. you can't hate the people you love," Lola signs, beaming at him as he gives her a wide eyed look. "You and Al are two of the people I love most in this world."

"But-"

"You didn't mean to hurt me. You just wanted to see your mother's smile again," Lola signs before squeezing his shoulder. "How could I ever hate you for that?"

Ed is silent as he leans on the railing as well. Lola bumps his shoulder.

"Al doesn't hate you either," Lola signs, smiling cheekily. "You both are very transparent."

(She remembers the way Al had been when Ed had been going through his automail surgery. How he would sit outside the door as Ed coughed up blood. Blaming himself that Ed had to give up his arm and go through any extra pain.)

"I don't know what's going on with you and Al." Lola shakes her head. "But you're both idiots who can't express their feelings properly. Just tell him how you feel."

Ed continues to look straight ahead before turning to Lola once again. He looks a bit nervous.

"Lola, I-"

"Brother!" Al calls out, bursting through the door. He catches sight of Lola and looks as if he's about to say something.

Lola shakes her head, however. She simply points towards Ed.

"Fix this," she signs as she moves out of the way. She pats Al's shoulder and smiles up at him.

She waits until he is fully out on the balcony before looking out the door.

(So what, she wanted to know what was happening, sue her.)

Winry and Hughes run up behind her as Ed charges at Al.

Winry lets out a sound of aggravation as the two of them fight it out.

"Why can't they just talk it out like normal people?" Winry questions, running a hand over her face. Even though she sounds annoyed, she has a pleased smile on her face once they both land on the ground. The smile grows once they bump fists.

Lola simply shakes her head, smiling at the scene.

This was the only way they could talk it out. The only way they knew how as stupid as it sounded.

Her eyes burn once more as she turns away to the side. Memories of Trisha flood her mind.

("Take care of them for me. Please, Lola.")

As she sees them talk on the roof, she shakes her head once again.

They never needed anyone to take care of them. Against all odds, as long as they had each other, they would be fine.

She knew it deep down, but seeing it in person was a whole other feeling.

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa.

"This is someone talking"

'This is someone writing'

"This is someone using sign language"

Part I. Knowledge

Resembool 1904

Winry's grip is tight on Lola's hand as Sara and Yuriy stand in front of them. Lola is careful not to look at the two military officers that have been assigned to escort them away.

(If she does, Lola will want to attack them. To yell at them. To beg them not to take Sara and Yuriy away because it feels just like it did all those years ago when they took her mother away.)

"We'll be back before you know it," Sara says, smiling down at them. Lola can tell that the smile isn't one hundred percent genuine.

Yuriy ruffles both Winry's and Lola's hair. He beams down at them, and Lola feels as if she's staring at the sun.

"Look after Ma," Yuriy says, grinning at the elderly woman. Pinako scowls at that, but Lola can tell she's feeling emotional as well. "Lola, don't fall behind Ed and Al when it comes to alchemy. Winry, put your all into automail. We'll write to you as often as we can, ok? We want to hear good news when we do."

Winry cannot speak. She simply nods her head, tears streaming down her face as she rubs at her eyes.

Lola does not cry. She refuses to cry.

(Why would she cry when they promised that they would come back?)

Lola looks down at the ribbon on her wrist and takes a deep breath.

(Maryam had said that the ribbon was good luck. She had given it to Lola the night before she…Lola wants Sara and Yuriy to have all the good luck they can possibly have.)

She unties the ribbon and hands it to Sara. She places a smile on her face.

"Mama always said it was good luck," she explains as Sara slowly takes it from Lola's hand. She wraps an arm around Winry as the blonde continues to sob.

Sara looks down at the ribbon and gives Lola a watery smile.

"You love this ribbon," Sara says, faltering.

Lola beams up at her. "I do! Which is why you have to bring it back to me. You have to return." Lola's voice is firm. "You have to."

Sara looks down at the ribbon and ties it into her hair. She smiles down at her adoptive daughter.

"Of course we will," she says, crouching down as well. She gathers Winry and Lola into a tight hug.

"I have people waiting for me here at home, so no matter what I'll return," Sara says, and Lola feels her own eyes begin to water. "I will."

Lola and Winry wave as the two of them disappear from view. Sara and Yuriy do not look back. Lola wishes they would, so she could see their smiles one last time.

(Mary didn't look back at her either. When she had gone into the bathroom that night, she had made sure to look straight ahead.)

Lola takes a deep breath as Winry buries her face into Lola's shirt.

Resembool 1905

The letters are still going strong.

They had slowed a bit once the pandemic picked up in the East; but once everything concluded, they returned to the same speed as usual.

Dear Winry and Lola,

We miss you guys a lot! Everyday we're here we're thinking of you two-

She looks down at the letter and realizes that they must not have gotten the news of what happened to Aunt Trisha yet. Lola wishes they were here so that they could hold her and Winry. She thinks if they were here, they would have been able to help Trisha.

Lola reads all of the letters they send aloud to Winry, and the blonde clings to them like a lifeline.

"They'll come back," Winry says. Lola desperately wants to share in the blonde's optimism.

(Lola listens to the radio every night, however. She knows that the fighting in Ishval is only getting worse, not better.)

Lola smiles at her little sister and ruffles her hair anyway.

"Of course they will," Lola chirps. "Come on, Win. It's time for me to trim your hair."

Resembool 1906

Lola is nine years old and she wishes she could talk to Sara about how strange boys are.

She thinks about writing it in a letter; but the moment she puts pen to paper, it simply doesn't feel right. She needs to say this in person.

Adam Brahms insists on tugging on her braid each day in class. No matter how many times she threatens to punch him into next week, or yells at him, he still insists on doing it. He also tries to sit next to her every day as well.

"He likes you," Emily-the florist's daughter- tells her one day, giggling, and Lola wants to pull her hair out.

Whenever a girl liked a boy, they didn't feel the need to go attacking them. Why were the expectations different because the roles were reversed?

Lola is walking home with Winry, Ed, and Al; and Winry shares her sentiments.

"Boys are stupid," Winry says, clenching her fist. She has been growing her hair out, saying that she wants it to be long like Lola and Sara's. "If anyone wants to go out with you, Lola, they have to go through me."

Lola nods her head at that, looping her arm through Winry's.

(Lola agreed wholeheartedly. If anyone wanted to be with Winry, Lola would have to interrogate them first.)

"Who the Hell in their right mind would want to go out with Lola anyway?" Ed says, walking a few feet ahead of them with his hands in his pockets. "Adam has to be crazy."

(Even though he says that, he would go out of his way to make sure that Adam didn't sit next to her. Either taking the seat for himself, or making sure all four of them sat in a place where no more seats were left.)

"Shut up, Ed!" Winry snaps. "You're just mad that nobody has a crush on you."

That wasn't entirely true, Lola thinks, as the two go back and forth. She had seen Melissa Adler making eyes at Ed in class one day when the blond had been sleeping. She had also gone out of her way to give him a present for Wintertide. Not that the boy noticed her affections.

Al is contemplative for a few moments while Ed and Winry continue to argue.

"Do you like him, Lola?" Al eventually asks. Lola's face shifts. "That's the most important part."

Lola shakes her head hurriedly and tries not to think of the fact that Adam is one of the only boys that is taller than her. That he has a slight dimple on his face when he smiles. That his eyes are incredibly warm.

"Of course not!" Lola says, her face warm and her voice a bit high pitched. Ed and Winry stop what they're doing to stare at her.

(She didn't like him. He was rude and annoying and-)

He was funny, and even though he would tug on her hair, he had an infectious laugh. He also went out of his way to pay extra attention in class whenever Lola missed it so that he would have some notes to give her, even though Winry had already done so-

"Lola, your face is red," Winry says, her eyes wide. Lola simply shakes her head and runs off covering her face with her hands.

"I don't like him!" Lola yells as she sprints off in the direction of the Rockbell home. "I don't!"

"Hey, wait for us!" Ed calls out as they all begin to run after her.

"Lola, it's okay if you do like him!" Al calls out.

"Yeah, I won't even beat him up! I'll just scare him a little," Winry exclaims and Lola lets out a groan.

Yes, Adam was strange for pulling her hair as a way of showing affection. Lola was even stranger for falling for it.

Resembool 1907

The letters have slowed. They are lucky to even get one every few months.

Lola is a regular at the clinic now, helping out with as many cases as possible.

"I helped deliver a baby today, Winry," Lola tells the blonde, clapping her hands. "It was amazing!"

The mother had been ecstatic. The look of pure joy on the woman's face once she had seen her child made Lola feel warm and gooey inside.

Winry nods at that as she trims her hair in the mirror.

"I'm proud of you, Lola," Winry beams as she straightens out her bangs.

(So much time has passed. Winry has become a regular at Pinako's automail shop, helping the woman to get out orders and even assisting in some procedures. Lola has also become a regular assistant at the clinic.)

She thinks Sara and Yuriy would be proud of who they are now, of who they have become in their absence.

"The annual bonfire is coming up," Winry says, sitting on the bed next to Lola. "Granny says we can go."

Lola hums as she leans back on the bed. Winry lies down next to her.

"Isn't Adam moving soon?" Winry asks as Lola purses her lips. "To the city?"

"His mom wants to expand their bakery," Lola says, feeling something weigh in her stomach. "He's going to move once the new year comes."

(Once Adam had stopped pulling her hair, once he apologized and they actually got to talking and became friends, Lola realized that she actually did have a bit of a crush on him.)

Winry is silent for a few moments before nudging Lola's shoulder.

"Why don't you go to the bonfire with him? I'll explain it to Ed and Al," Winry says, a teasing smile on her face. Lola rolls her eyes before sitting up abruptly.

"Nope!" she says with a pop. "Adam is a friend, nothing more."

(Come New Year, he will no longer be in Resembool. Lola isn't naive enough to think she should reach out to him in that way. They are young, too young; and once he gets situated in the city, time will erase any memory he has of the redheaded girl from the countryside.)

"Come on, Lola," Winry says with a pout. "If Mom were here, she'd tell you to do it."

"If Dad were here, he'd be having a conniption at the thought of me talking to any boys," Lola counters.

(She had begun to call Yuriy 'Dad' sometimes briefly before he left. She would call Sara 'Ma'. Maryam was still 'Mama'.)

Winry hugs Lola from behind.

"Come on! Nothing ever happens in Resembool. Some romance would be nice," Winry says, resting her head on Lola's shoulder. The redhead shakes her head.

(Winry is absolutely beautiful, both inside and out. Lola knows that if she wanted, she could have an amazing romance of her own.)

"I'm gonna get started on dinner," Lola says, shrugging Winry off and ignoring the blonde's calls.

That night, she wishes she could write to Sara and Yuriy telling them about how she helped deliver a baby. How Winry was finally learning to cut her own hair and was becoming a genius at automail.

She wanted to ask them about Adam. She wanted to ask them if it was worth it, even if the moment would be fleeting.

Lola is going to kill Winry.

Lola and the blonde had been dancing, hand in hand around the campfire as they always did at the bonfire. As soon as the music stopped, however, Winry smiled at her. She had let go of Lola's hand and had gone to grab Ed and Al, pulling them away.

Lola had blinked at that, calling out to the blonde as someone tapped on her shoulder. She looked back, only to see Adam standing right next to her, looking more than a little confused.

Lola gapes at the boy as Adam scratches at his cheek.

"Um… Winry told me to meet you here," Adam says, and Lola looks back to see if Winry is still in view.

Winry simply waves at her, Ed and Al sitting on both sides of her looking just as confused as Lola feels. She thinks Winry has explained the situation to them because the boys both blush a bright red after she whispers to them.

Lola glares at Winry, but the blonde simply smiles back, swinging her feet.

Adam stares at his feet for a few moments before looking at Lola once again.

"We don't have to do this," he says, his hands in his pockets. "Not if you don't want to."

Lola stares up at him, pursing her lips, before reaching a hand out towards him. He blinks down at it, and Lola feels her face warm.

(She thinks it'll be okay, even if the moment is fleeting.)

"Let's dance," Lola says, letting out a sigh of relief when Adam takes her hand, ignoring the looks his friends give him and of the other school kids.

Lola is ten when she has her first kiss. It isn't anything scandalous. It's simply a quick peck on the lips that they both retreat from instantly.

Adam's face is red and Lola is sure she isn't any better.

She can hear the bonfire still going strong behind them as she covers her face with her hands.

She wants to write a letter to Sara. She wants to tell her everything because she thinks Adam might be her first love, or the closest she has gotten to it so far.

She knows the letter will take months to get to them, however. She knows things are crazy in Ishval right now and sending letters about something as minor as this would not be worth it.

Adam smiles down at her as fireworks go off in the background.

"When I move… is it okay if I write to you?" Adam asks, sitting down beside her. "It doesn't have to be anything weird… but I like your company. I like being friends."

Lola is silent for a few moments before nodding her head.

She reaches over and presses a kiss to Adam's cheek.

"You can write to me," she says, allowing herself to smile as Adam leaves. As he goes back to his family's bakery to help with closing.

Lola leans back and feels as if she's floating.

(This is nice. She wouldn't mind feeling like this everyday.)

She hears a rustle in the bushes and sits up. She looks back, only to see Ed staring at her with wide eyes. He's fallen out of the bushes with Al and Winry standing behind him.

"Ed, you idiot!" Winry hisses.

"You're such a klutz, Brother!" Al piles on as Ed rubs the back of his head.

"You were both leaning on me! It's not my fault you two are so damn heavy," Ed complains before looking towards Lola. He freezes once he sees the look on her face.

Lola has never been angry with any of them. She has been annoyed, but never angry.

Now, however, she feels nothing but anger. Her face is murderous.

Lola folds her arms, waiting for them to explain.

"Speak," she says, her voice firm. The three of them gulp.

"Brother was worried that Adam would do something bad," Al explains, causing Ed's face to turn red. "He said we should follow just in case."

"You were worried too, Al!"

"Yeah, but at least I wasn't jeal-"

Ed covers Al's mouth before the younger boy can even finish his sentence. His face is flaming.

Lola turns towards Winry because even if the boys are idiots, she expects the blonde to know better. Winry looks a bit guilty.

"I didn't want them to ruin the moment you and Adam were having," Winry says, her voice a bit small. "And since you guys left the bonfire, I was worried too."

Lola's eyes widen at that and she feels any anger she has towards them dissipate. She unfolds her arms.

"Nothing bad happened," Lola says softly. "It was nice. Really nice."

(One of the nicest things she has ever experienced.)

Winry squeals at that, rushing forward to give Lola a hug. Ed folds his arms as Al smiles at her.

Lola returns the hug before blinking. Her face warms as she looks over all three of them.

"How much did you guys see?" Lola asks, her face growing warm once again.

All three of them turn red, and that is the only answer Lola needs. Her eyes narrow once more.

(Being worried was one thing, but that had been a private moment.)

"Cretini!" She yells in Aerugonian, as she chases after them. "Faresti meglio a sperare che non ti metta le mani addosso!"

You jerks! You just wait until I get my hands on you!

"We're sorry, Lola!" Al says, looking back.

"This is all your fault, Ed!" Winry calls out, shoving the blond's shoulder as they run back to the house.

"You guys were worried too!" Ed repeats again as Lola sprints after them.

(That night, against her better judgment, she writes a letter to Sara and Yuriy. She tells them about Adam. She tells them that she has gotten better at alchemy, if only by a little. She tells them that even though Winry, Ed, and Al can be a bit overbearing; she's glad that they care for her so much. She also tells them that she wishes they were here.)

(She doesn't send the letter. She can't bring herself to. She will tell them in person when they come back.)

Resembool 1908

Winry is sobbing in the back room with Ed and Al comforting her. She has been sobbing nonstop all day.

The military officers stare down at Lola and hand her the blue ribbon she had given to Sara four years before. The edges are frayed, and Lola can see faint traces of blood on it.

"Dr. Rockbell was always wearing it," one of the military officers tells her. "She… We weren't able to salvage much, but she always said that if something happened she wanted the ribbon to get back to you."

When Lola had first seen the military officers, she had been naive enough to think they had brought good news. That Sara and Yuriy were right behind them and simply playing a joke.

(Lola should have known better. The military never brought good news.)

Sara and Yuriy were nowhere in sight, however. All she saw was the shade of blue that had carted her mother away. That had made her days in Fotset a living Hell.

"You can leave now," Lola hisses, and the man that had given her the ribbon looks taken aback.

Pinako is sitting off to the side of the room and she is a shell of her former self. She cannot bring herself to speak to the military officers, or to do much of anything. Lola has to do it.

The two officers look around before simply nodding their heads and leaving. Lola drops to her knees.

Sara and Yuriy were gone. Sara and Yuriy would never smile at her again. They would never say I love you again. She would never taste Sara's apple pie again.

She clutches at her chest and her breathing is hard.

(She feels it then. That horrible weight on her chest. The same weight she had felt when her mother had died.)

Lola closes her eyes.

(That was the feeling of wanting to die. Something Lola wouldn't realize until years later.)

Resembool 1909

Life goes on. No matter what tragedy occurs, the Earth will keep turning. It's a fact that Lola has never been able to quite handle.

The grass is green. The sky is blue. Sara and Yuriy are dead.

Life. Goes. On.

Ed and Al have left to go to an alchemy apprenticeship. They have been carted away by a terrifying woman who has the power to stop floods. A woman who Lola thinks looks like a goddess in human form.

Winry makes them promise that they won't go and do anything stupid while they're away.

Lola knows that the boys won't listen to any advice she has to give, so she just makes them promise to write once in a while.

She wants them to stay; but when she sees the look in their eyes, she knows she has no right to ask.

They are determined and they have a set goal in mind, something pushing them. Lola only wishes she knew what that goal was.

Lola pours herself into learning as much about medicine as she can at the clinic. She starts looking at alchemy and tries to see if there are ways she can combine the two. The schoolhouse has taught Lola all they can teach her and it is now time for her to decide what she wants for her future.

(She thinks of Sara and Yuriy, and her heart squeezes.)

She will become a doctor. A doctor who is able to bring smiles to her patients' faces just like Sara and Yuriy had.

One day, on the anniversary of Sara and Yuriy's death-and isn't that just a terrifying thought? How quickly time can pass?- Lola receives a letter.

She sees the return address and simply chucks it away.

"Isn't that from Adam?" Granny asks her once she sees the letter as well. "He's been trying to write you for ages."

"I told him to stop," Lola says as she gets ready to start dinner. "He lives in the city now. I don't see why he still wants to talk to me."

(Adam had sent her a letter giving his condolences for Sara and Yuriy's death. Lola had told him thanks and that it would be better if he had stopped writing to her.)

Adam was fourteen now. He had probably grown even taller, his dimple even more defined, and most likely would be able to charm any girl he wanted. Lola does not want to waste his time.

Granny purses her lips before staring back down at her work table.

"You two were friends. He cared for you. Don't you think that's a bit cruel?" Granny asks her, and Lola freezes at that.

"No," Lola says, shaking her head. "It's better for him to forget about me now."

(Lola is not easy. She is not kind even though everyone loves to tell her otherwise. She is doing Adam a favor.)

The people Lola loves are few and she doesn't want Adam to be added to the list.

Lola is twelve when she learns to keep the amount of people you love to a minimum. When she learns once again that losing someone you love is like having something inside of you ripped apart. Lola is selfish and Lola is weak. She cannot handle that feeling again, so she will minimize the chances of feeling that again.

Lola is twelve when she begins to fully understand that everyone dies, a fact she knew but had never been able to completely comprehend. That no matter how much you love someone, love is simply not enough to keep them in this world.

(She had learned it with her mother, with Trisha, but Sara and Yuriy have hammered it home.)

"Adam is a good person," Lola says, turning on the stove. "But I think it's best if he isn't in my life."

(Adam is good, and Lola knows that if they were a bit older, if circumstances were a bit better, she could grow to love him. But-)

"But?" Granny says as Lola stares down at the stove. "I know there's more to it than that Lola."

Lola does not answer, and simply shakes her head.

"I'll get started on the stew," Lola says softly instead. Granny does not push.

Eventually, Adam stops writing. Lola feels something inside of her break and she thinks of what could've been. If she were stronger.

(Lola is twelve when she realizes for the first time that she is broken. That she is a shattered vase that someone tried to glue back together, but that would never be the same. Falling in love terrifies her because she knows that if she were to lose that person, she would not be able to piece herself back together. That if she lost any of the people that have clawed their way into her heart, she would be in pieces and left to the wayside.)

XII. A Life For A Life

Central City, 1914

After their fight, Ed and Al go right back to the way things were before: no tension and no hard feelings.

They were both so complicated yet simple at the same time, Lola muses, as she waits for Winry to finish what she is doing. She leans against the wall of the train station as Winry goes in to buy tickets to Dublith.

(Dublith. The place they stayed at for over a year with barely even a phone call. They had only come by to visit once in a while during the summer, but even then their minds were stuck over there.)

Lola places a smile onto her face as Winry walks out of the station, bubbly as ever.

"Let's go buy some food," Lola signs, tapping Winry's shoulder. "We still got some money left over."

Winry nods her head, blue eyes brightening.

"I really want to try those donuts at that cafe we passed by."

Lola grins at that, linking arms with the blonde.

"Winry, you read my mind."

Ed's eye twitches as the two of them walk in, stuffing their faces with powdered donuts. He had been staring out the window, along with the other inhabitants of the room, almost as if a storm had passed through.

With a smile, Winry waves the tickets. Lola offers donuts to Maes and Major Armstrong.

"I thought I told you guys to only buy the tickets," Ed states, his brow twitching. Lola shrugs as Maes happily takes a powdered donut.

"We got hungry," Winry replies simply. "We got you the tickets you asked for though."

"So?" Ed screeches. "Don't go wasting my money on junk food!"

"Sorry, Ed," Lola signs before popping another donut into her mouth. "I'd give you one, but you shouldn't be eating junk food while you're still recovering." Ed gives her an incredulous look.

"So you're saying I can't even get one?!"

Major Armstrong clears his throat, thanking Lola as he takes one of the donuts.

"You're leaving so soon?" he asks, blue eyes sharp. "Your wounds haven't healed up completely yet."

Maes wipes the corner of his mouth as he looks down at the tickets.

"Dublith? What do you guys have planned there?" he asks, gratefully taking another donut.

"I'm tired of getting my ass kicked," Ed says, sitting up a little straighter. "With the way things are, we have to visit our old alchemy teacher."

(A goddess in human form.)

Ed and Al both freeze.

"I-I think I'm too scared brother," Al says, his suit of armor shaking. "She's definitely going to kill us."

"Don't chicken out on me now, Al!" Ed replies, tears streaming down his face. "I'm scared too."

(They could both be so dramatic.)

Winry grabs her sister's shoulder, her grip deadly tight. Lola gives her a look.

Wordlessly, Winry points towards the map. Lola peers over Winry's shoulders before letting out a slight sound of understanding.

("Winry," Lola had asked her years before, when the blonde had just found her passion for automail. She would pour over the notes day in and day out, nothing else in the world mattering to her. "Are you sure you really want to be an automail engineer? I thought we were gonna be doctors together and travel the countryside."

Winry simply shook her head at that, an apologetic smile on her face.

"Automail's really fun!" the blonde replied, turning the page in her book. "Granny said that it's like magic! You get to help people in ways that others can't."

Lola had hummed at that, placing her head in her hands.

"I guess," Lola replied, "I still can't see what's so great about it. Everyone in this family is so obsessed."

Winry gave her a solemn look and simply patted her head.

"You'll understand one day," she replied. "There's this place Granny told me about. It's called Rush Valley. It's like the holy land of automail. It'll turn you into a believer."

Lola sighed, turning over on her bed.

"I doubt it, Win," the redhead said, long sufferingly. "I'm no engineer-")

Rush Valley.

Ed takes note of the looks on their faces and raises a brow.

"What's wrong?" he asks, his hand sneaking over to try and take one of the donuts. Lola smacks it away, still looking at the map.

Winry lets out a gleeful scream as she swings Lola around.

"What is it?" Al asks, jumping slightly.

"Right before Dublith," Winry starts off, practically shaking. "It's Rush Valley! The holy land of automail engineering!"

She jumps in front of Ed, eyes practically sparkling. "We have to go, we have to go, you need to take us!"

"Why the Hell do I have to pay?" Ed asks, rubbing the back of his head. "Make Lola pay since you guys wanna go so bad."

Lola shrinks into herself at that comment. "I can't go to Rush Valley now," she signs, "I still have to deal with my research here. Besides, Winry came all the way out here to fix your arm, so the least you can do is pay for her travel fare."

(Lola was also broke and wouldn't be able to sustain herself if she went to Rush Valley.)

Ed scowls and turns his head to the side. Winry smiles triumphantly.

"Whatever," he replies.

Al pops up at that moment, looking at the map once more. "It's on the way, brother," he says placatingly. "It won't be so bad."

"As long as you want to, Al," Ed replies.

Winry cheers as Ed resigns himself to his fate.

"I have to go tell Granny!" Winry says, beaming. "This is totally worth a change of plans."

She practically skips out the room as Lola takes one more donut.

Of course Maes has to throw her for a loop.

"She's going to make you a fine wife one day," he says solemnly, patting Ed on the shoulder.

Ed rears back as Lola chokes on her donut. Al pats her on the back to calm her down.

Winry squeezes her in a hug as they all wait for the train to come.

"I wish you could come with us," Winry pouts. "We always talked about going to Rush Valley together."

"Me too," Lola signs, pasting a sad smile on her face. "But I really need to focus on my research and finish some things over here in Central. Maybe another time."

The sound of the train causes them to perk up as Winry goes to pick up her luggage. Lola saddles up beside Al.

(He was still so young, they all were-)

"Make sure they don't argue too much," Lola signs, giving Al a one-armed hug. "Make sure to take care of yourself too, okay? Don't get too caught up in making sure other people are happy. Take care of yourself too, alright?"

Al simply nods at that as the train finally comes into view.

"Lola," Al starts off slowly. "There's something… it's about the Philosopher's Stone."

Lola snaps to attention, eyes narrowing.

"Did you guys find a breakthrough?" Lola signs, placing a smile on her face.

(She wonders if that was what Ed wanted to tell her. Up on the roof.)

Al remains silent for a moment before simply shaking his head.

"No," he eventually replies. "I, umm… I just wanted to say that Brother and I are doing everything we can. That you don't need to worry about anything alright? We'll get our bodies back and be able to heal you too."

Lola blinks. Al says it with such certainty. Her eyes water momentarily as she turns her head to the side.

"I told you idiots not to worry about me," Lola signs, slightly shoving Al's shoulder. "But… thank you, Alphonse. I really appreciate it."

Al nods his head once again as they all get ready to board the train.

"And the same goes for you, Lola," Al says, "Don't worry about us either. Take care of yourself."

Lola smiles, waving as the three of them board the train. Maes stands by her side, waving them off as well while the train finally leaves the station.

(Her eyes linger on Ed for a moment, taking in his smiling face. His eyes were usually trained forward, his back turned to her as he focused on the task ahead. She loves whenever he meets her gaze. When he looks at her head on.)

She breathes out, pushing away any unwanted thoughts as she turns to Maes.

'Thank you for coming to see them off,' she writes as they walk away from the platform. 'You didn't have to.'

"Are you kidding me?" Maes asks, the same bright smile on his face. "Winry was a joy to have at the house and those boys have gone through so much already. Seeing them off is nothing in the grand scheme of things!"

Lola beams at that before writing: 'Mr. Hughes, you remind me of my father.'

Maes rubs the back of his head, looking pleased. "Well, I hope that's a compliment."

Lola bobs her head. 'It's one of the greatest compliments I can give you.'

(She looks at Mr. Hughes, sees the way he interacts with his family, and hopes that unlike Yuriy he'll get the chance to spend as much time as possible with them.)

"Big sister!" Elysia calls out, her voice bright. "I'm coming to find you now!"

Lola smiles, hiding in the corner of the back room. She wasn't set to meet with the research team again until next week. They had given her some free time to get situated in the city.

Lola was spending it playing Hide and Seek with a three year old girl, something she didn't mind one bit.

She hears Elysia running around the house, opening every door before eventually landing on the room Lola is in.

Lola smiles as Elysia pushes the door open.

"Found you!" the little girl exclaims, rushing towards Lola. Lola claps, before swinging her in the air.

"Big Sister," Elysia says, tugging her along. "Let's play another round."

Lola bobs her head as Gracia walks in.

"Sorry, Elysia," the woman says. "We need to go out for some errands today, remember?"

The little girl pouts as Gracia turns towards Lola, an apologetic look on her face. "Sorry to spring this on you, Lola," she says, getting her bag. "But we're running a bit low on some supplies."

'It's no problem,' Lola writes hurriedly. 'Please let me help anyway that I can.'

Gracia smiles as she helps Elysia to put her shoes on.

Gracia used to be a teacher, she explains as they walk down to the marketplace. She met Maes after he finished with the military academy, when she had gotten her certification and had been out celebrating with friends.

"He looked at me and said one of the worst pick up lines I've ever heard to this day," Gracia giggles, holding onto Elysia's hand as the girl looks around the city in awe, completely oblivious to the conversation going on. Gracia makes her voice a bit deeper, in an imitation of Maes. "'Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.'"

Lola stifles a laugh as Gracia fondly shakes her head.

"I wanted to turn him down at first," she admits, her cheeks slightly rosy. "So I could focus on my career. But there was something about him that made me want to keep him close."

'Mr. Hughes is one of a kind,' Lola writes. 'I can tell he loves you very much as well.'

Gracia nods her head as they enter the marketplace. "I'm very lucky," she says, grabbing a shopping basket. "The life I have now is very blessed."

Lola smiles at that, pulling out the shopping list that Gracia had put together.

(The Hughes were a perfect family. She can say this with the utmost certainty.)

She has more reasons to add to her list, she thinks, as Elysia tugs on her skirt, pointing towards the fish section of the marketplace. She wants to live to see the kind of person Elysia will grow up to be. She wants to see Gracia and Maes grow old together like the perfect couple that they are.

Lola smiles as she lets Elysia tug her along.

After dinner that night, Lola helps Maes clear up the dishes.

"You're gonna start going to that research facility next week, aren't ya?" he asks, passing Lola a dish to dry off. The redhead nods as she places it away.

(For the first time in a long time, she is hopeful. She has plans for the future and she wants to see them through.)

"Forgive me if this is a bit nosy," Maes says cheekily, handing Lola the final dish. "But are you and Winry biological sisters?"

'We're sisters in all the ways that matter,' Lola writes with a note of finality, slightly defensive. 'Winry is one of the people I love most in this world.'

"I didn't mean anything by it," Maes says, waving his hands. "I can tell you guys care for each other very much."

Lola allows herself to smile at that as she leans back against the table.

'Our parents took me in when I was young,' Lola writes, a pleased smile on her face. 'After my biological mother had passed away. I'm grateful for them.'

(If Sara and Yuriy hadn't taken her in, she wouldn't have had the chance to meet such wonderful people. To experience such warmth.)

"You're an alchemist too, aren't ya?" he asks. Lola purses her lips. "You and those boys must have had a rivalry of some sorts."

'Well, I don't practice alchemy anymore,' Lola writes, shaking her head. 'Not if I can help it. But when I did, we used to always have competitions to see who could transmute the biggest or the strongest object.'

(Lola had an edge with the information Mr. Khan had given her at first; but once the boys got a handle on it, they completely left her in the dust.)

'Those boys are something else,' Lola writes, shaking her head. 'Even though I'm older than them and I'm supposed to be someone they can rely on, it feels as if I'm falling short.'

(Ed and Al were so self sufficient. They didn't really need her for anything.)

It was part of the many reasons she had decided to leave.

"I wouldn't say that," Maes says, shaking his head. "You mean the world to those boys. Winry is your sister, but those boys are your family too. I could see it in the way you four interacted in the hospital."

Lola nods her head, but she can't bring herself to feel fully convinced.

"Y'know… when those boys first came to East City," Maes starts off, as Lola looks at him. "I remember I got a call from Roy. It was about you actually."

Lola's eyes widen as the man continues.

"Roy told me about how the boys wanted to find you," Maes says. Lola feels something turn in her stomach. "He wanted me to see if I could scrounge up any information about you. That you were someone precious to them that they wanted to see again."

Lola looks away.

(She didn't want to do this right now.)

"I think seeing you again has given those boys a newfound resolve," Maes says as Lola looks down at her shoes. "It's not about what you can do for them. You simply need to be there for them. Those boys are going down a dangerous path, something you're connected to, and having people like you and Winry cheering them on is something they desperately need."

Lola tugs at the ribbon on her wrist before nodding her head.

(She loves them. She just wants them to be alright.)

"Besides, you love those boys, don't ya?" Maes asks, a cheeky smile on his face.

Lola nods her head.

"Ed especially, right?" he adds, almost as if he's asking what day it is.

Lola nods her head again before whipping her head towards him.

Maes has a knowing smile on his face as Lola covers her face with her hands.

(Was she that obvious? Did Winry know?)

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me," he says, patting Lola on the back. "If it's any consolation, I don't think anybody else knows. I just happen to be very observant."

'Nothing will come from it,' Lola writes, her face warm. 'It's just a stupid crush. He's basically family, he's younger than me, and he's a total hothead.'

(And he made her want to do better, made her want to be better.)

"Why not go for it?" Maes asks, leaning back as well. "Now might not be the best time, but you shouldn't give up on the idea entirely."

(The idea of romantic love terrifies her. She thinks it's beautiful for other people, but Lola knows she cannot handle it for herself.)

'There's someone even better for him,' Lola writes with a soft smile as she thinks of blonde hair and blazing blue eyes. 'My feelings will go away in time.'

Maes hums at that before shaking his head. "You can't handle how your feelings work. You care for him, and that isn't something you should run from. You need to embrace it head on."

(Lola is a coward.)

"I'm rooting for you," Maes says, grinning down at her. "He may be a bit dense, but don't give up on him just yet."

Lola is silent at that, hugging her notepad to her chest.

("Life isn't kind to those who hesitate," her mother had said all those years ago.)

Lola simply nods her head as Maes ruffles her hair.

(Maes is a good man. A very good man.)

Rush Valley 1914

The storm is raging outside.

Winry stands frozen as she hears everyone in the room panic around her.

"Can't we just tell her not to push?!" Ed asks frantically.

"That'll hurt the baby!" Paninya snaps back.

(She thinks of the Rockbell home. How the walls had been lined with medical textbooks. How she and Lola would spend days going over anatomy and different procedures.)

Winry clenches her fist.

"We just have to do it," she decides, her eyes firm. Every inhabitant in the room turns to her.

"Do what?"

"Deliver it," Winry says, walking forward. The room goes into even more chaos.

"Are you serious?!" Mr. Ridel asks, his eyes wide. "Do you even have any experience with delivering babies?"

(She thinks of Lola and how the redhead would always tell her about how she had helped deliver babies at the clinic. How happy she had looked. How she would walk Winry through the steps.)

"Nope," Winry says. The expectant father looks about ready to pull his hair out. "But we don't have time to wait for a doctor. This baby is coming whether we want it to or not."

Mr. Ridel looks about ready to faint, but Winry calls everyone's attention.

"With everyone's help, we can do this," she says firmly, willing herself to believe it.

"Ed! Al!" Winry barks out, causing the two to snap to attention. "Boil some water! As much as you can! Paninya, get us towels, lots of towels!"

She watches as the three of them run off and then turns to Mr. Ridel, who looks a bit taken aback.

"Mr. Ridel," she asks. "Is there any disinfectant we can use?"

The man trembles slightly before nodding his head. "In the workshop."

Winry thanks him. She takes a deep breath and centers herself.

("You can do this, Winry," she can hear Lola say in the voice she hasn't been able to use in years. "You can do this.")

Winry tightens her apron and takes a step forward.

Central City 1914

Maes hasn't come home from work yet.

Elysia is whining a bit, her face scrunching up. "I want Daddy to tuck me in. He always does. Where is he?"

Gracia looks slightly worried as well, glancing repeatedly at the clock.

"He's usually very punctual," she says, looking at the time once again. "And he'd call if something was keeping him. I wonder what's going on."

Lola purses her lips as she looks at the time as well. 'I can go out to look for him,' she offers with a reassuring smile. 'I'm sure he lost track of time showing pictures of you guys to some random stranger.'

Gracia laughs slightly, but her eyes are still a bit tense.

Lola places a hand on her shoulder. 'I'll go and check on him,' she writes, beaming at the woman. 'We'll both be back soon.'

Rush Valley 1914

Lola would always tell Winry about the aftermath of childbirth. About how happy the mother was after it was finished, and how rewarding it was to know you were a part of it.

The redhead had never told Winry about how messy it was, however. She had never said that there would be so much blood, so much pain, so much screaming.

When this is all over, Winry plans to ask Lola why she had kept so many crucial parts out.

Ms. Satera is screaming, and Winry tries to focus despite the numerous distractions.

Mr. Ridel is holding his wife's hand, whispering words of comfort into her ear as she tightens her grip.

Paninya is standing off to the side, her eyes wide as she trembles. She has brought the towels, but Winry knows that the girl will not be of any more help.

Winry breathes out and smiles at Ms. Satera. "You're doing amazing," she says, trying to sound as comforting as possible. "Just keep pushing on my signal, alright?"

Central City 1914

Maes' office said that he had left early. Lola frowned at that, thanked them for their help, and went on about her way.

She is walking through the streets, trying to think of where the man could've gone. She didn't want to go back to the Hughes' household empty handed. She saw how worried Gracia had been and wanted to ease the woman's anxiety.

Lola takes a deep breath as she looks around rather aimlessly.

She hears a gunshot in the distance.

Rush Valley 1914

Ms. Satera lets out one final yell, and Winry almost wants to faint in relief once she sees the baby's head.

The woman falls back as Winry takes the baby, smiling slightly and cleaning it with some of the hot water and towels. As she hands the baby to Satera and Ridel, she understands why Lola left out everything else. Once you handed the baby to their parents, once you saw the pure joy on their faces, nothing else mattered. It was all worth it.

Winry turns around and staggers out of the room. She drops to her knees once she makes it out of the door.

She has helped bring a new life into this world and she feels so incredibly fulfilled.

("You did good," she can hear Lola say. "You did good.")

Central City 1914

Lola's eyes widen as she rushes forward.

Hughes is on the ground, sitting in a pool of his own blood. He is looking at her, and Lola can see that he is trying to speak.

Lola simply shakes her head, placing a finger to her lips as she looks over his injuries.

(He had a stab wound that was very deep on his shoulder. He had a gunshot wound that hit his vital organs.)

Lola claps her hands and presses them to his shoulder. She ignores the fact that she is now covered in blood-Maes' blood- and tries to focus on the task at hand.

(Alchemy is useless. This is a fact that she has been presented with at multiple turns. And yet-)

Maes is still trying to speak, and Lola sends him a glare.

I will not let you die, she tries to convey. So stop talking and make my job a bit easier.

"Gracia," he whispers. Lola freezes. "Elysia."

Lola's hands tremble as she works on healing the stab wound. She tries to connect the damaged tissue and make it strong enough to survive until they can get actual medical attention.

(It is not enough. Nothing is enough.)

"Stop, Lola," he says, shaking his head. Lola feels it then: that heavy weight that she had gotten better at pushing away, partially thanks to the man in front of her and the kindness he had shown her-a complete stranger.

Lola looks at the wound and sees the bullet is still embedded deep inside of Hughes. Deep in his internal organs. That she will not be able to heal it unless someone digs it out.

(Lola cannot dig it out herself. She doesn't have the proper tools. She doesn't have the materials necessary to transmute the proper tools. She will only make it worse if she tries to.)

Lola grabs his hand and shakes her head.

"...ry. 'M…. ry," she croaks, using her real voice for the first time in years (or at least what is left of it). She ignores the way tears stream down her cheeks. She ignores the way her throat is on fire.

I am so sorry.

(She is so useless.)

The man tries to smile at her, but the action is too much. He ends up coughing up even more blood.

"I love them," he pushes out, blood dribbling down his chin. "Tell Elysia and Gracia that I love them. Make sure they know."

They know! Lola wants to say back to him. More than anyone, they know.

Lola stays with Hughes. She wants to go get help, but his grip is tight on her hand. She also knows that there is no way for her to get help in time. No hospitals are nearby and she cannot make any phone calls.

She stays with him as his breathing slows. She stays with him as his pulse stops. She stays with him as his body turns cold.

She stays with him as his grip on her hand turns slack.

Lola lets out a shuddering breath.

She could've done more. There has to be more that she could've done, she thinks as she looks down at her hands. They won't stop trembling.

Her hands are covered in blood, Hughes' blood, and Lola's breath starts to quicken.

(Her mother laid on the bathroom floor. Trisha coughing up a fit. Sara and Yuriy coming back in body bags. Wagner laying on the floor.)

Her hands begin to tremble even more violently, and for some reason the sight of Hughes' blood on her hands scares her beyond belief. She feels as if her body is not her own.

("Why couldn't you save me?" She hears an amalgamation of different voices ask. "Why, Lola?")

"You wonder why I left you," she hears her mother say. "My sweet girl. Look at how useless you are."

Lola lets out a strangled scream.

(She wanted to be a doctor. She wanted to help people. She wanted to keep as many lives as possible in this world and yet she has just helped a life exit this world.)

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa. 

“This is someone talking”

‘This is someone writing’

“This is someone using sign language”

Part I. Knowledge

Resembool 1910

Lola is washing the dishes, looking for anything that will keep her mind busy.  She sees Winry out of the corner of her eye, shuffling on her feet as if she’s thinking of the right thing to say to Lola.  The right way to approach her.

(She had never thought about how strange it must’ve been for Winry to see her like this.  One moment Lola had left promising to return in a few minutes, the next she came back looking half dead.)

Lola does not feel alive.  She feels as if she’s simply a puppet going through the motions, a marionette being hoisted up by strings.  Her face is completely blank.  She hasn’t spoken a word since that night.

(She cannot speak.  She has so much she wants to say, but she can’t say it out loud.)

Ed and Al aren’t too far away from her.  Ed hasn’t said anything since that night either, and Al hasn’t left Ed’s side.

(She wasn’t even sure if the suit of armor counted as Al.  Al was fiery and illuminating.  He was quiet, curious, and had an amazing sense of humor.  That suit of armor wasn’t Alphonse.  It had no way of encompassing all that Al was.  It didn’t make any sense; it was all so strange.)

Lola finishes drying the dishes off and stands still in front of the sink.  All of the chores have been done, so she isn’t quite sure what else she needs to do.

She continues to stand there, staring blankly ahead, until Winry walks up next to her.

“L-Lola?”  Winry asks softly, placing a hand on her shoulder.  “Don’t you want to sit down?”

Lola blinks before shaking her head.  She continues to stand there and Winry’s eyes water.

“Lola, please say something to me,” Winry pleads.  “Ed and Al won’t say anything.  None of you are talking about what happened that night.  You can’t shut down too!”

(She wants to talk to Winry, but she can’t.  She isn’t quite sure how to tell any of them that whenever she tries to talk, a slew of strangled sounds are all she is able to produce.)

Winry places a guiding hand on Lola’s shoulder and tries to direct her to the couch.  

The blonde has been taking care of all of them for the past couple of days.  She has been making sure that Lola eats, she has been trying to comfort Al, she has been tending to Ed and his wounds.

(Ed who looked so small in his wheelchair.  Ed who had bandages wrapped around his body.  Ed who Lola cannot bear to get close to.  Who Lola has been keeping her distance from.)

Ed has always been short, but he has never been small .  The sheer amount of personality and confidence he had made him larger than life.

Now, he is merely a shell and Lola cannot bear to see him like this.

Her throat burns and Lola lets out a cough.

(She loves the boys, they are some of the people Lola loves most.  But, she’s been having a hard time reconciling the fact that some of the people she loves most would hurt her in such a way.  That they could hurt themselves in such a way.)

Lola keeps thinking, keeps trying to wrap her head around what she did to deserve any of this.

(“You interfered,” the being had told her as it shoved all of the world’s knowledge into her brain.  “Those boys tried to enter God’s domain, and you interfered in their punishment.”)

Lola wants to die.

It’s a strange feeling, a feeling she has had at multiple points in her life but that she has never been able to properly identify.

(It is at that moment that she can finally understand why her mother did what she did.  Everything was too much.  Living was too much, and Lola doesn’t know if she can go on any longer.)

She hears Den barking as Granny goes on to answer the door.

“What the Hell is this!?” She hears Granny yell out as someone bursts into the home.  Lola snaps her head up as she shrugs off Winry’s hand and walks into the living room.

Something settles in her stomach as she catches sight of the bright blue uniform she had thought she was rid of.

( Military .  Why are they here?  Do they know?  Are they here to take Ed and Al away?)

The tall man that had burst in grabs Ed by the scruff of his shirt, and Lola sees red.

(All these military bastards do is take.  They all think they’re above it all.  She will not let them take Ed.)

“We saw what happened!” the man yells as Lola grips onto a broomstick.  “We saw what you did!  What the hell was that!?”

Lola rushes forward, her eyes narrowed.  The first show of emotion she has had in days.

She presses the edge of the broomstick to the man's neck, glaring up at him with a hatred she hasn’t felt in years.  The man stares at her, slightly surprised.

“Lola!” Granny calls out, slightly aghast.  “Put that down!”

Lola ignores her, tightening her grip.

Put him down, Lola says without using any words at all.  She knows the man is strong.  She knows he could probably kill her in an instant, but she does not care.

Ed and Al are still her family.  She will not let this man hurt them.

Al chooses that moment to move forward.  He places a hand on the man’s shoulder.

“We’re sorry,” Al says, the suit of armor his soul inhabits shaking.  “We’re so sorry.”

The blonde woman who had been standing dutifully behind the dark-haired man chooses that moment to step forward.  She gently guides the broomstick in Lola’s hand down.

“We are not here to cause any of you harm,” the woman says softly.  Lola wants to claw her eyes out.  “We’re sorry for barging in so suddenly.”

Lola’s glare doesn’t lessen and her grip on the broomstick is still tight.

“Lola,” Al calls out, causing her to freeze.  His voice sounds small.  “Please put that down.”

Lola trembles for a moment, still glaring up at the man who had dared to break into their home.

She feels a hand touch her shoulder and looks down to see Ed looking up at her, the man having put him back in his seat.

His golden eyes are hollow and vacant.

“Please,” the boy says softly, the first words he has spoken in days.

Lola drops the broomstick to the floor.

Lola’s face is blank once again as she serves tea to the man she had just tried to attack.  He thanks her, and Lola nods even though the sight of him makes her want to puke.  Lola makes to leave the room, tuning out most of the man’s words.

(He’s military.  He’s disgusting.  He’s garbage.)

He walks into their home as if he owns the place.  He doesn’t even bother wiping his feet and tracks mud all across the floor.  The look in his eyes reminds Lola of the military officers from Fotset.

(Lola tries to ignore him.  She needs to or she’ll fall apart.)

But then, he says something that makes Lola’s skin crawl.  He says something that is without a doubt the dumbest thing Lola has ever had the displeasure of hearing.

“I’d say he’s more than qualified to be a State Alchemist.”

Lola drops the tray she is holding.

(She wonders if it’s a requirement for all members of the military to suffer from such severe cases of stupidity?)

Maybe he was blind?  Maybe he didn’t see how broken Ed was?  How Ed couldn’t even stand on his own two feet or look anyone in the eye, let alone join the military ?

Everyone in the room stares at her as she hurries to clean up.

( Dogs .  He wants them to be dogs.)

Lola stops as her fingers scratch against the floor.

(No.  Ed and Al are good.  They can be stupid at times, but they are still good.  The military cannot corrupt them.)

Winry comes to help her clean up, but Lola is frozen on the floor.  She can see the military woman staring at her with concern as well.

“Lola,” Winry says softly.  “Why don’t you drink some tea too?”

Lola shakily nods her head as Winry helps her to her feet.

(She wants to die.  She wants to die.  She wants to die.)

“Your name is Lola?” the woman asks.

Lola freezes at being addressed.  Winry stands protectively in front of her while Lola shakily raises her head and meets the woman’s gaze.

Even though she is military, her eyes are still unbelievably kind.  Lola doesn’t know if she should trust them.

“My name is Riza Hawkeye,” she says, smiling.  Lola glares back.

(They barge into their home and they have the audacity to smile ?)

Lola’s throat burns and she coughs rather violently.  Winry helps to steady her.

“Lola, you haven't been eating,” Winry whispers.  “You’ve been moving around all day doing chores.  Please rest.”

Lola shakes her head.

(If she takes a moment to rest, she will be alone with her thoughts.  Her thoughts are not pretty.)

She glances over at Ed and freezes at the look in his eyes.  It was the same look he had when Lola found out he was going to perform human transmutation. The same look he had when he was getting ready to walk straight into Hell.  The look of pure determination that she had no hopes of putting out.  

Lola looks at him and realizes with a sense of dread that she cannot save him.  He is once again signing a deal with the devil, and Lola cannot save him.

Lola sags forward, leaning on Winry as she allows herself to finally rest.

There is nothing she can do.  Nothing at all.

(Lola does not like the blonde woman with kind eyes.  But she cannot bring herself to hate her either.

There are moments when Lola tries to speak, moments when the words get caught in her throat, moments that no one else but the blonde woman seem to notice.

“I’m sorry if this is a bit presumptuous of me,” the woman had whispered to Lola before leaving.  “But sign language is a useful skill to have.  If… If it’s hard for you to speak.”

Lola’s eyes had widened as the woman simply smiled.  She then followed the man-the man that had given Ed the ticket to Hell-out the door.)

The Hero of Ishval.  The Burning Inferno, Granny tells her later that day after the man leaves.  He was responsible for burning many of the Ishvallans alive during the War.

“He could have had you arrested,” Granny hisses.  “Hell, he could have taken you down himself if he so pleased.  What were you thinking, attacking a military officer?! You are lucky he was lenient.”

(Lucky.  When has Lola ever been lucky?)

Granny wraps Lola in a hug.

“Yes, that bastard deserved it barging into our home like that,” Granny says softly, tightening her hold on Lola.  “But, you need to be careful, Lola.  We can’t lose you.  Not over something like this.”

Lola thinks of the look that Ed had in his eyes after the man had left, and the weight in her chest increases.  He was going to join the military.  He was going to become someone she hated.

(Ed who had always been so bright.  Who had always been able to make her laugh and forget some of her troubles.  Lola does not think she will ever be able to look at him the same.)

Lola closes her eyes.

Even though the dishes are already clean, Lola goes back to wash them once again.  Winry clenches her fist at the sight.

“Lola,” Winry says, her voice is tortured.  She is walking towards her now.  “Please stop-”

(The hands had pulled her in.  It was all too much.)

Lola shoves Winry against the counter as the blonde tries to take the dish from her, her eyes widening in shock as the plate shatters against the ground.

Winry’s eyes are wide as well as she steadies herself.  Everyone in the room is staring at them.

(nonono-)

“ahh-I-”  Lola presses a hand to her mouth as she drops to her knees.  She cannot speak.  She cannot form any words.

(“I’m sorry,” is what she wants to say.  “I’m so sorry.”)

Lola breaks down; she places her hands over her face and she wails. Winry is frozen.  They all are.

They have never seen Lola break down like this before.  They have never seen her lose her composure so thoroughly.

(She wants to die.)

“Lola,” Winry says shakily, moving towards her.  “I… what happened to your voice?”

Lola simply shakes her head as she tries to form a sentence.  As she tries to say something coherent.

All that comes out are strangled noises that sound as if they should belong to some decrepit monster.

Tears stream down Winry’s face as the blonde rushes forward.  She crushes Lola in a hug while the redhead clings to her.

She can see Ed and Al out of the corner of her eye.  She can see the guilt that is etched on the blond’s face.

Lola buries her face in Winry’s shirt.

(That had been the moment when she knew she wouldn’t be able to go on.  That the pain was too much.)

That night, after Lola has cried all the tears she has available, she prays.

(She thinks of Ed and Al.  Of how their lives were ruined because they wanted to play God.  Of how-)

Lola lets out a shuddering breath as she stares at the ceiling.

She doesn't want to sleep.  She knows that if she sleeps, all she will see is-

(“Hello Lola Graham,” the being had said.)

She prays for Ed and Al.  She prays that they'll come to their senses, that they won’t join the military because the military was as good as a death sentence. Because if they join, Lola does not know if she can ever smile at them again.

(She thinks of dark eyes, perfect skin, and the color blue.)

Lola thinks of Roy Mustang and prays the hardest she has ever prayed for the first time in years since leaving that dingy orphanage in Fotset.

She prays that Roy Mustang will burn in Hell.

XIII. The Ticket to Hell

Central City 1914

After the funeral, after Maes is laid to rest, after Elysia slowly begins to understand that no, her Daddy isn’t away on some work trip, a private memorial service is held at the Hughes family residence.

Lola does not leave Gracia’s side, making sure to get her whatever she needs.  She makes sure to deal with whatever the woman can’t bring herself to.

People continue to come up to Gracia, telling her how sorry they are, how Maes was one of the best people they knew.

Major Armstrong is all tears as he crushes Lola in a hug.

“I heard you were with him,” he says, wiping at his eyes. “Hughes was a good man.  I’m glad you were there to at least give him some form of comfort.”

Lola nods her head at the major and pats his shoulder as he goes to pay Gracia his respects.

Mr. Giovanni-the owner of the Aerugonian restaurant that Maes would frequent-comes up to Gracia with heavy eyes.

“Maes was one of the best,” he says, holding a basket of free pastries in his hand.  “He would always talk about his girls.  Why, just last Sunday he said-”

The man chokes up, before bowing his head.  Gracia places a hand on his shoulder, comforting him, and Lola is taken aback by just how strong she is.

“I didn’t think that would be the last time,” Mr. Giovanni says, shaking his head.  “I didn’t think-”

He breaks down slightly and hands the basket of pastries to Gracia.

“I’ve always loved your family,” he says.  “Please, continue to come by my store.  I’ll always have fresh pastries waiting for you.”

“Thank you, Mr. Giovanni,” Gracia says, a wobbly smile on her face.  “Thank you.”

“Possa egli riposare nella pace eterna.”  The man says in Aerugonian, sharing a look with Lola.  The redhead nods her head.

May he rest in eternal peace.

Elysia is sitting by her mother’s side and for the first time she is completely silent.  The tears she had shed at the funeral were now dried up and she is still trying to comprehend the fact that her father isn’t coming back to her even though he always promised that he would.

Lola brings her some chocolate cake, her favorite cake, but the girl simply shakes her head.  She leans into Lola’s side and Lola offers as much comfort as she can give.

(Lola didn’t cry at the funeral.  She didn’t cry when the military questioned her.  She didn’t cry when Gracia broke down asking her what had happened to Maes.  She didn’t cry when Elysia tugged on her skirt to ask where her father was.)

Lola is one hundred percent sure that there is something incredibly wrong with her.

“Gracia,” a familiar voice says softly.

Lola lifts her head.  Roy Mustang stares down at the widow with his hat placed to his chest.  His hair is slicked back and Riza stands a few feet behind him.

“Roy,” Gracia says, smiling up at him.  “Thank you for coming.  I know how busy you’ve been lately,”

“I-of course,” the man says, smiling down at her.  “I wouldn’t miss this for anything.”

Lola is careful not to make eye contact, but she sees Riza give her a soft smile out of the corner of her eye.  Lola does not smile back, giving the woman a nod as she tightens her hold on Elysia.

“I just-I’m sorry-”

“Don’t apologize,” Gracia says firmly.  “There was nothing you could’ve done.  And… when Maes was still here, you were one of his favorite people.  So please, don’t beat yourself up over this.”

The man looks a bit troubled at that, but still nods his head.  He turns his head towards Lola.

“Lola Graham,” he says, and for the first time Lola finally meets his gaze.  “I… I heard you were with Maes when he passed.  That you tried to help him.”

(She was covered in his blood-his body was turning cold.)

Mustang bows his head towards her as well, his eyes shadowed over.  “Thank you,” he says, the picture of composure.  “Thank you for doing all that you could to keep him with us.”

Lola purses her lips and ducks her head.

(Did she?  Did she do all that she could?)

The redhead nods her head and tries her hardest not to glare at the man.  To smile up at him, because even though she hates him, she knows Maes loved him.  Maes must have loved him for a reason.

Lola reaches a hand out towards Mustang, shaking his hand slowly.

Once everyone leaves, once Elysia is put to bed, once all the dishes are cleared and there are no more chores left to be done, Gracia breaks down.

That was the funny thing about grief: it always snuck up on you when you finally had a moment’s rest, a moment to process how messed up your current situation was.

“He’s gone, Lola,” Gracia says, burying her face into Lola’s black funeral dress.  “He’s really gone.”

Lola rubs soothing circles into the woman’s back as she lets out her tears.  Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Elysia peeking through the doorway, green eyes wide.

(The weight is back.  It is back at full force and Lola doesn’t think she has the will to fight it.)

Lola closes her eyes and simply hugs Gracia tight.

(That night she dreams of her mother.  She dreams of not being fast enough to do what needs to be done.  She dreams of Maes and his blood on her hands.)

Life. Goes. On.

The sky is blue and Maes Hughes lies six feet under the ground, two undeniable facts.  But the Earth is still spinning.

She wonders if Winry and the boys know.  If any military personnel have called to inform them.

(Life goes on.)

Elysia clings to Lola’s skirt whenever Gracia is unable to comfort her.  The three year old is terrified of being alone, of not seeing where her loved ones are at every second, because she is afraid that they will ‘leave’ just like her father did.   The girl is still holding onto the hope that her father is out there somewhere.  She rushes to the door whenever she hears the slightest sound.  She cannot fully comprehend the fact that he is gone for good.

(Tragedy didn’t discriminate. It didn’t matter how old you were, or how innocent you were, you would always be vulnerable to it.)

“Lola,” Gracia says to her one evening as they clear the dishes-a job Maes had always done.  “You start up at that research facility soon, don’t you?”

Lola blinks before nodding her head.

(She had forgotten.  In all the chaos and confusion, she had forgotten the main reason she was there in the first place.)

“You’ve… you’ve been such a huge help,” Gracia says, smiling at the redhead.  “But, please, focus on yourself too, alright?  You were so excited for this opportunity.  Maes… Maes would want you to continue to go for it.”

She thinks of Ed in that moment, how the boy would always put on a tough front even though he was harboring so much pain.  The tight smile he had on his face as he went through his automail surgery.

The look in Gracia’s eyes makes the guilt Lola feels increase even more.

(She was covered in his blood.)

Lola nods her head, putting the dishes away.

“Lola,” Dr. Martin starts off, placing a hand on her shoulder.  “I-I heard what happened.  Thank you for coming in despite all of that.”

Lola does not respond in any way, instead just taking the research notes that she has and walks forward.

(She needs to be doing something.  If she allows herself to rest, she doesn't trust herself to be alone with her thoughts.  Her thoughts are not pretty.)

“We’ve looked over what you have so far,”  Dr. Martin says, rushing after her.  “We-we all think it’s very good.  With a few more tweaks, we could begin running some trials.”

Lola simply nods her head, turning the corner as the man follows her.

“The paper you wrote about the ‘Dangers of Lobotomies’ and the interviews you conducted were insightful as well,” he says, falling in step with her.  “I-I had never even considered some of the points you brought up.”

(Yes, she had written that paper when Wagner was still alive.  She had gone to interview different patients and their families that had been forced to undergo the procedure or that felt as if there were no other options.  It was normalized in the mental health community, but the effects were always disastrous.)

“But…” he trails off as Lola finally stops to stare at him. “Even though all of this is great, there’s one more thing I was hoping to get from you.”

(People always wanted something more.)

“A few years ago, you were able to use alchemy to alter behavior,” Dr. Martin whispers, causing Lola's eyes to widen.  “You… ‘transmutation’ is what you alchemists call it, right?  You were able to transmute chemical imbalances directly onto the brains of the mice we used as test subjects.  You were able to calm them down or make them more argumentative.  Whatever you wanted them to do, they did.”

(“Lola,” Wagner had said.  “Don’t use alchemy.  Not like this.”)

Dr. Martin grabs her hand.  “I truly think that you’re a brilliant mind.” For the first time, Lola notices the slightly crazed look he has in his eyes.  The power hungriness.  “What you did, you were basically a god!”

(No, not a god.  Just an overzealous human who had thought she was bigger than what she was.)

“If you put that research forward,” Martin says, his grip still tight on her hand.  “There are many people in higher up positions who I know would love to get their hands on such information.  You would be set for life.”

( Military .  This man was talking about the military.)

Lola snatches her hand away from him.

‘I am never using alchemy again,’ she writes, her brow furrowed.  She means it this time, completely.  ‘Especially in that way.  I was wrong to show it to you.  Alchemy shouldn’t be used to control people.  I wanted to use it to help, but I fell short.  Please get that out of your mind.’

Dr. Martin’s eyes widen as Lola tucks her research papers underneath her arm.

‘Now, could we please talk about the other research I showed you?’ Lola writes, shaking her head before walking forward.

“Your citizenship isn’t completely valid.”

Lola freezes in her tracks.  She turns back to see Dr. Martin wringing his hands together.  He’s looking down at his shoes.

“You’ve been skating by due to circumstances, but… if something were to happen.  If you were to get a criminal record, let's say, there’s a chance you would be in a bit of trouble, right?  You could even face deportation.”

Lola narrows her eyes and the man still won’t meet her gaze.

“I-I’m not saying that I’ll say anything,” he says, as Lola clenches her fist. “I just think it would be a shame to see all that potential go to waste.  We already have access to your research, so if something were to happen all we would have to do is put our names on it, and completely erase any traces of you.  It would be such a shame.”

The man finally raises his head, and the expression on Lola’s face is murderous.

“All you have to do is show us how to do what you did,” Dr. Martin says softly.  “That’s all.  After that, you won’t ever have to do alchemy again.”

Lola bites down on her lip before turning her head to the side.

Dr. Martin walks past her and pats her shoulder.

“Please think about it,”  he says softly.

Lola grits her teeth.

Lola cannot go back to the Hughes residence.  Gracia and Elysia need her to be upbeat and strong.  At this moment in time, Lola feels as if she’s going to fall apart.

(It would be so easy to erase her.)

She walks around aimlessly, not quite sure what to do with herself.

(She is tired.  So tired.)

She finds herself at Hughes grave.

She stares down at the slab of stone and tries not to think about blood covering her hands.  About how whenever she saw blood now she felt petrified.  About how when the muskets had fired off at his funeral, all she could think about was the sound of gunshots she had heard that night.  Of Hughes holding onto her hand.

(There must have been something else she could have done.)

“What a pleasant surprise.”

Lola jerks upwards, before seeing that it’s only Mustang.  The dark-haired man smiles at her, a bouquet of flowers in hand as he goes to stand next to her.

Lola nods at him before turning to look back towards Hughes.

(She does not have the energy to try and smile at him.  To try and play nice.)

She sits down on the ground and presses her hands together.

(She will never pray for herself.  She doesn’t think that any God up there would accept any prayers for herself.  But Hughes was a good man.  He deserves every bit of goodness Lola has to offer)

She lets out a deep breath as the wind blows in her face.

Roy is not a good man; he has never claimed to be.

(Hughes was good.  Hughes was his better half.)

Hughes is dead and Roy needs to find some answers.

When Lola Graham looks up at him, eyes wide as they sit across from one another in a small diner off to the side of town, Roy cannot allow himself to falter.  He needs answers, and this girl was the last person to see Hughes alive.

(He had offered to buy the girl some food.  To extend an olive branch.)

‘Could you repeat that?’ she writes, tilting her head.

For a moment, Roy hates himself more than he already does.  “What were you doing when you came across Hughes’ body, Miss Graham?  How were you able to find him at the exact moment he was shot?”

Graham blinks at him.

(Roy knows it’s wrong.  He knows it’s horrible.  But, he’s already signed his one way ticket to Hell.  He’s made his peace.)

For a moment, he thinks of the Elric brothers.  He knows that if they were here, Fullmetal would be ripping him a new one for even thinking that his precious childhood friend had anything to do with it.  That she was capable of something so horrible.

(Roy doesn’t believe it either, to be honest.  But the girl has to know something.  Hughes had to have given some clues.)

Roy needs to consider all options.  He doesn’t have the time to falter.

‘You think I killed him?’ Graham writes.

Roy doesn’t respond to that.  He simply watches the girl’s behavior.

(He had heard the reports.  Graham had been found covered in Hughes blood by the MPs.  She had been trembling, staring down at her hands as if she had done something horrible.  Unforgivable.)

The next few days would have the girl be called forward for a witness statement.  Something she hadn’t been able to do before.  Roy knows she already has a lot on her plate, but at that moment he does not care.  He wants answers, and this girl might be able to give him some.

Graham smiles, shakes her head, and throws her drink in Roy’s face.

He closes his eyes, simply reaching for a napkin.  People are beginning to stare at them now.

(He deserved that.  He deserved worse than that.)

‘I never liked you,’ Graham writes, shaking her head.  A smile still on her face.  ‘The first time I met you, I prayed for you to burn in the lowest level of Hell.’

Roy is silent as the girl’s shoulders begin to shake.  She is still smiling, however.

‘The boys care for you,’ Graham writes, shaking her head.  ‘Even though Ed will never admit it.  Riza cares for you.  Maes loved you.  So, I wanted to give you a chance.  I thought I was being irrational.’

Roy doesn’t speak as the girl begins to grip at her notepad.

‘How dare you?’ she writes, her eyes are shining.  ‘Don’t you think if I had a choice I would switch places with him?  Why would I kill him when he was nothing but kind to me?’

The tears are streaming down her face now, and Roy feels even worse.  His own vision begins to blur.

(What is he doing?)

Graham drops her notepad to the table and covers her face with her hands.  She signs something with her hands that causes Roy to freeze.

(He wasn’t proficient at sign language, but it was something they had learned briefly at the military academy.  Something the lieutenant had shown him more of when she had gotten assigned to his unit.)

“Die,” the girl signs as she breaks down.  She probably thinks Roy cannot understand. “I want to die.”

Roy is a horrible person.  He does not offer the girl any comfort or words of perseverance.  He simply sits across from her and watches her let out her tears.

(“For someone named the Flame Alchemist, you can be incredibly cold,” a fellow officer had said to him when he was in Ishval.)

Roy closes his eyes and runs a hand over his face.  His vision blurs even more.

(Damn it.  Damn it all to Hell.)

He blames it on the rain.

He hears yelling in the lobby, the sound grating on his ears as their new receptionist begins to raise her voice.

“Ma’am, I‘m telling you that we cannot let you see any reports!” the young woman snaps, sounding exasperated.  “Please go home.”

Knox peeks into the lobby.  He sees a flash of red hair and his eyes widen.

(The girl would pass by everyday.  Everyday she would ask the same thing.)

She was mute and carried a notepad around with her wherever she went.  Her eyes were set and she folded her arms as she continued to wait in the lobby.  

The receptionist lets out an exasperated sigh, her eyes widening as she catches sight of him.

“Dr. Knox!” she squeaks.  “I’m sorry for any commotion.  This girl has been-”

“Come with me,” he finds himself saying as the receptionist gapes at him.  The redhead gives him a curious look.

(Everyday she would ask the same thing.)

‘Can I see the report on Maes Hughes?’ she would write down in that notepad of hers.

He had known Hughes; they had been accomplices in Ishval.  He had always been happier than most despite their circumstances.

The girl gives the receptionist a triumphant look before following after him.

Knox lets out a deep breath and a part of him itches for a cigarette.  It had been a long day and frankly he didn’t even know why he was offering to help the girl.  He didn’t owe her anything.

He opens the door to his office and goes to look through some files.  Eventually, his eyes land on M.Hughes.

“A stab wound to the right shoulder,” he recites as the girl flinches.  “A gunshot wound to the chest.”

The girl closes her eyes while he keeps going.  She takes a deep breath, and he thinks she’s going over the information in her head.  His stomach turns as he puts the file down on the table.

“Go home, girl,” he says, running a hand over his face as he moves to walk away. “I hope that’s enough for you.”

‘What should I have done?’ the girl writes, pursing her lips. ‘I tried to use alchemy to heal his shoulder first, but the wound was so deep.  The bullet was still inside of him, and there was so much blood.  I didn’t want to work on the bullet wound because I was worried about infection.’

Knox lets out a sigh.  He had seen it multiple times when he had used to practice actual medicine.  The guilt the newly licensed doctors would have when they lost their first patient.  The way it would eat up at them.  The way it had eaten up at him when he experienced it himself.

The same question always rang through their minds.

(What could I have done?)

“With these wounds, Hughes was a goner,” he says bluntly.  “Your actions were admirable, but you did all you could have done in that situation without actual medical equipment.”

He walks past her and thinks about patting her on the back.  He decides against it, however.

“Hughes is gone, but you are still alive,” he says, not bothering to look back at her.  “Don’t waste the life you have worrying about what you could’ve done and focus on what you can do.”

(Even though he says that, he still struggles to follow that same advice himself.)

“Go home, girl.” He can see her shoulders shake out of the corner of his eye as he turns off the lights.

Winry has written her a letter.

Dear Lola,

You’re not going to believe this.  I got an apprenticeship in Rush Valley!  I’m already learning so much and the atmosphere here is amazing.  There are so many more customers here than in Resembool, I feel as if I’m constantly at work-

Lola reads over the letter, happy to see that her sister is doing well.

I’ll try and visit you soon, if I can get some time off.  I’d love to see Mr. Hughes and his family again.  I’ve gotten better at making apple pie and I’d love for him to try it-

Lola places a hand over her mouth.

Winry doesn’t know and Lola cannot call to tell her.  She thinks about writing a letter, but pushes the thought away.

This is something she needs to tell her in person.  The boys as well.

Lola puts the letter down and brings her knees to her chest.  She looks out the window of the guest room.

Winry had delivered a baby.  She had done it without any professional help in the middle of a storm.

I thought of you while it was happening, Winry had written. You were right, it’s so fulfilling.

It’s oddly fitting.  That the baby’s birth had happened on the same day of Hughes’ death.  That Winry had helped bring a life into this world while Lola had failed to keep one in.

Equivalent exchange at it’s finest, she thinks bitterly.

“Big sister?” Lola raises her head, forcing a smile onto her face as Elysia peeks in through the doorway.  The little girl is hugging a stuffed animal to her chest. “Could I stay with you?”

(Lola wants to die.  Even though she made the boys promise to live, Lola is no longer sure she can keep the promise herself.  But, for now at least, she will stay alive.  For as long as she is needed.)

Lola nods her head, opening her arms as the girl rushes forward.

(Life. Goes. On.)

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa. 

“This is someone talking”

‘This is someone writing’

“This is someone using sign language”

Part I. Knowledge

Barcombe 1912

Her research- Wagner’s research- Lola makes sure to correct herself, has been going great.  

The man has been attentive, but he’s also willing to allow Lola the freedom to do what she believes is best for the project.  When the clinic closes, after she finishes making dinner for Seth and Wagner since neither of them know their way around a kitchen, Lola spends her hours working on what she thinks will be one of her best creations: an experimental drug to even out an individual’s brain chemistry.  To make their thinking more linear, to calm them down when everything was simply too much.  

She calls it Project M, for Maryam.

When Lola first made it to Barcombe, she tried not to use alchemy at first.  She had wanted some distance from the science, but the pull of it was simply too strong.

One day, when Lola is sitting out back, she allows herself to indulge.  She tries not to think of golden hair and bright smiles, simply holding onto the memories of being a lonely little girl.  Of wanting control in her life, of wanting to be more than what she was.

She puts on gloves and takes some of the mice scurrying around behind the clinic.  She places them in a glass box.

In addition to Project M, Lola has also been working on a bit of a side project, something she hasn’t told Wagner about.

She takes a deep breath and claps her hands.

(It had been hard for her to get used to clap transmutation.  It felt so unnatural.)

While creating the drug, Lola had read in avid detail about how certain chemicals and chemical substances could affect a person’s behavior.  Lola wanted to see it for herself, to perform it herself.

She claps her hands, eyes widening as the blue spark she used to love more than life itself appeared.

(Equivalent exchange.  It all depended on equivalent exchange.)

She starts with endorphins, pressing her hands down onto Mouse Number One.  She makes sure to increase the amount of endorphins in the mouse’s body, rearranging certain chemical elements and hormones in order to create them.  She feels a rush of adrenaline as Mouse Number One begins to rush around the box, squeaking loudly.

She smiles breathlessly as she moves onto the next mouse.

Mouse Number Two is a bit bigger than Number One.  It looks up at Lola curiously before simply going back to scurrying around the glass box, albeit at a much slower rate than Mouse Number One.

She transmutes a larger amount of melatonin into the second mouse, rearranging its chemical makeup, and jumps back as the mouse simply falls over.

She lets herself breathe a bit easier once she sees the soft rise and fall of the mouse’s chest.  She didn’t want to kill any of them, even if they were only mice.

She writes down her observations, barely able to sit still.  Seth is the first person she tells, dragging him from bed in the middle of the night.

The boy rubs at his eyes as Lola pulls him to the back room.  

“As much as I love waking up to see your beautiful face,” the boy says, running a hand over his face, “it’s three in the morning, Lola.  We have a festival coming through town this week so we all need to get all the rest we can.”

(A festival meant a larger number of people than usual.  More people meant more stupidity.  More stupidity meant more injuries.)

Lola simply points towards the glass box and hands the boy her notebook. Green eyes widen as he reads over her notes.

(This was it. Along with Project M, this could be her breakthrough.)

“Lola,” Seth starts off, his eyes slightly narrowed as he scans over the pages.  “Are you sure this is the best idea?”

Lola looks at him curiously before looking back down at her notes.

(Were her notes not clear?  Did she miss something?)

“Your notes are fine,” Seth says, interpreting the look on her face.  “It’s just… it feels a bit invasive don’t you think?  Doing it to mice is one thing, but you can’t do this to actual people.  It’s like you’re controlling them almost.”

‘It could help people,’ Lola writes, shaking her head.  ‘The control over endorphins could help people experiencing pain.  I just need to iron some things out, but this could be something amazing, Seth. Trust me.’

“What about your use of prostaglandins?” Seth asks as Lola bites down on her lips.  “Or the production of epinephrine?  Those could cause people pain; it could mess with them.”

‘Only if used incorrectly,’ Lola writes, her brow furrowed.  ‘I’m much too careful for that.’

Seth is silent for a few moments before slowly shaking his head.

“I think it’s a bad idea,” the boy says, shrugging his shoulders.  “You don’t need to prove anything, Lola.  You’re already a genius.  This… I’m getting a bad feeling from this.”

Lola purses her lips as the boy bids her good night.  She stares down at the notes in her hands and hugs them to her chest.

Seth isn’t an alchemist; he can’t understand.  It isn’t perfect, but if she’s able to fine tune it, to perfect it, it could be something amazing.  Her masterpiece.

She wonders if Ed and Al would have understood.

(The hands were pulling her in.)

Lola places her notes back on the table and looks over to see that the effects of her earlier transmutation have already worn off.  The mice are acting normally again.

Lola tugs on a new pair of gloves and gets back to work.

XIV. Puppet Masters

Dear Seth,

Questions about my citizenship have been coming up a lot lately.  I hate to ask this of you, but please come to Central at your earliest convenience.  Bring the marriage license with you as well.  I’m sorry for how brief this letter is, but things have been very hectic.

Your loving wife,

Lola

Central City 1914

They spend hours questioning Lola.  They ask her what her relationship with Hughes was like.  They ask her how she came across his body.  What she had been doing.  If she had seen anyone leaving the scene of the crime when she found him.  If he had said anything that was out of the ordinary.

Then they start asking questions that Lola feels have no actual relevance.

“You were born in Fotset?” the officer asks.  Lola feels her blood turn cold.  “Was that before or after it became an Amestrian territory-”

The door to the room opens and Lola lets out a deep breath.  Another military officer walks in, saluting to the man interrogating her.

“Lola Graham is free to go,” the officer states, bowing his head.  “Sorry to waste your time, ma’am.”

Lola nods her head tiredly and makes her way into the lobby.  Gracia is waiting for her.

The woman rushes forward to crush Lola in a hug and the redhead sluggishly returns it.

“I’m sorry, Lola,” she says, shaking her head.  “I’m sorry that you had to relive it again. But it’s over now.  They said they have leads on who could have done it.  They don’t need to question you anymore.”

Lola feels faint, almost as if she could fall over at any moment.  

She hasn’t been eating.  She ‘eats’ in front of Gracia, but she is incapable of keeping all of the food down.  She also hasn’t had a full night’s rest in the past week.

The same way she had acted in the weeks following the boy’s failed transmutation.

(She can’t sleep.  It’s hard for her to sleep because all she see is-)

Hughes’ blood on her hands.

Lola leans on Gracia as the woman hugs her.

The research facility wants her to come back.  They have sent her a message saying that her research is now under their control since she is now one of their employees.  That if she wants any say in what happens to her work, she needs to come speak with them.

Lola ignores all messages, all the letters, all the phone calls and simply does whatever she can to help the Hughes’ family.

(She does not care what happens to her.  None of it matters.)

She is out getting groceries for Gracia when she hears a familiar voice.

“Lola!”  Winry calls out.  Lola freezes.  “Lola, wait!”

Lola turns around and sees the blonde charging towards her.  Her eyes are determined.

(She knows.  She has to know.)

“Mr. Hughes,” Winry says, slightly out of breath, her eyes shining.  “Mr. Hughes, is he really-”

Lola places a hand on Winry’s shoulder and watches her sister’s blue eyes widen.

“Not here,” Lola signs, gesturing to the groceries in her hands.  “ You look tired, Win.  Let’s go sit inside.”

Winry is frozen for a few moments before bowing her head.  The girl nods slowly.

Winry is silent on the way to the Hughes’ household.  Lola can see that her little sister’s shoulders are trembling.

As they make it to the door, Lola turns towards Winry with a soft smile on her face.

“Rockbell women are known for their courage and tenacity,” Lola signs, just like Sara had always said to them years before.  “I know you’re hurting, Winry, but we need to be strong right now, for them.”

Winry grits her teeth and rubs at her eyes.

“Of course,” she says, moving forward to knock on the door.

Lola can hear someone running towards the door and her heart squeezes as Elysia pushes open the door in excitement.

“Daddy!” the girl calls out.

Lola closes her eyes.  Elysia does the same thing each time visitors arrive.  Still not able to completely wrap her head around the fact that Maes was gone and never coming back.

Elysia’s shoulders slump once she realizes that it isn’t Maes.  Her face scrunches up as she runs forward and wraps her arms around Winry’s legs.

Gracia walks into the room as Lola goes to put the groceries down.

As Gracia and Winry talk, Lola takes a deep breath.  She feels her eyes burn even though she just told Winry to be strong.

She rubs at her eyes quickly before placing a smile on her face.

(It is forced.  All of her smiles are forced these days.)

She goes to make Winry some tea as the blonde holds Elysia in her arms.

Elysia has fallen asleep, Winry cradling the girl in her arms as Lola sits across from her.

“How are you?” Winry signs, her eyes still downtrodden.  “ How’re you holding up?”

(She was covered in his blood.)

Lola thinks about lying to Winry.  About putting a smile on her face and telling the girl she is completely fine.  It would be so easy.

But, Lola is tired of lies.  She is tired of feeling this way.

“I’m terrified of blood,” Lola signs, a sad smile on her face.   Winry’s eyes widen.  “ Whenever I see it, I start shaking now.”

(A wannabe doctor who was terrified of blood.  What a joke.)

“Why would you be terrified of blood?” Winry signs.  Lola gives her a look.  The blonde is silent for a moment, only a moment, before covering her mouth with her hand.  

Elysia squirms on Winry’s lap, but goes back to sleep easily enough.

“I found him, Winry,” Lola signs, her eyes closed.  “I found him.  He was just lying there and there was nothing I could do .”

Winry is crying now, her shoulders trembling.  She shakes her head.

“I’m sorry, Lola, ” Winry signs, taking a shuddering breath.  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help.”

(Good old Winry.  Selfless to a fault.)

“You don’t need to apologize.  I heard about the apprenticeship.  Granny must have been proud,” Lola signs, a sad smile on her face.  “ It’s what you’ve always wanted.”

Winry nods her head as she wipes her eyes once again.

“You delivered a baby too?  You’re a badass, Winry,” Lola signs, a proud smile on her face.

Winry lets out a quiet laugh.  “You’ve done it multiple times.”

“I’ve only done it with help.  You did it by yourself in the middle of a storm.  Badass,” Lola signs once again.  Winry is smiling now, so Lola counts it as a win.

They sit in a comfortable silence for a few moments before Winry gives Lola a look.

“Lola, will you be okay? ” Winry signs, her eyes set.  Lola takes a deep breath.

(No.  She has not been okay in a long time.)

“I’ll try,” she signs instead.  “I’ll try my best.”

When Ed makes it to the Hughes’ home, Al in tow, he first notices two things: Winry sitting off to the side, holding Elysia close, and the fact that Lola has lost weight.  A lot of weight in a short amount of time.

(They had only been gone for close to two weeks.  She shouldn’t have been so skinny.)

The redhead looks like a ghost.  While she always had more of a rounder figure than Winry, now she looks a bit gaunt.  As if she hasn’t been eating.

(The same way she acted after the transmutation.)

Ed clenches his fist as Gracia invites Al and him in.

It’s all his fault once again.  His fault that Hughes is dead, his fault they even need the damn stone in the first place.  His fault everyone is in so much pain.

When they all sit down, Ed braces himself.

“So, you’re saying that Maes learned some things about the Philosopher’s Stone that people didn’t want him to know?” Gracia asks.

Ed simply nods his head.  He glances over at Lola and feels sick.

The redhead’s eyes are wide; she’s trembling as Winry places a comforting hand on her shoulder.

(He did that.  This was his fault.)

“How long have you known?” Lola signs.  Ed can see that she’s tearing up.  A part of him wants to reach out to her, to provide some form of comfort.  “How long have you two known about this?  That Philosopher’s Stone was some evil thing?  Why would you try to get my hopes up if you knew?”

Ed closes his eyes and that is the only answer Lola needs.

“We’re sorry, Lola,” Al says.

Lola shakes her head.  She looks slightly betrayed.  The redhead places her face in her hands, before taking a deep breath.  She gets up and leaves the room, shrugging off Winry’s calls.

Ed watches her go and looks back down at his lap.

(Maybe now she would finally hate him?  It would make things better for her and cause her much less pain.)

Gracia hums, running her hands through her daughter’s hair as the girl sleeps.

“It seems like this is a warning from the culprit to not meddle in this matter anymore, isn’t it?  Maes’ death was a warning.”  

Ed grits his teeth.  “Yes,” he says, feeling his eyes burn as he bows his head.  “We dragged him into this.  We’re sorry.

He waits for Gracia to lash out.  To yell at them because that is what they deserve.  What he deserves.

Gracia does none of this, however.  

“We’re going to stop trying to get our bodies back.  More people will only get hurt if we do,” Al says.

Winry’s head snaps up.  Ed knows she’s thinking of Lola as well.

(Another reason for her to hate them.  All the promises they made that they could not keep.)

Gracia smiles at them.

“I’m glad Maes died helping someone else.  That sounds just like him.”  She has a fond look in her eye.  “He was always such a meddler, wanting to help whoever he could no matter what happened to him.”

Ed does not deserve this woman’s kindness, her understanding.

“If you give up now, my husband’s death would be in vain,” Gracia says, her eyes set.  “Besides, you’re not looking for it to just heal yourselves right? Even if the Philosopher's Stone isn’t an option, please look into other methods.  We’re all strong enough to stand with you two.”

She looks over at a picture of Maes and smiles.

“I know my husband would want that too.”

Ed nods his head and a part of him wishes that the woman had yelled at him.  Had lashed out in any other way.  It would’ve been so much easier for him to deal with than this kindness he knows he does not deserve.

As they walk out of the Hughes’ home, they see Lola leaning on the front gate.  Her eyes are tinged red as she stares down at the ground.

“Lola-”  Winry starts, walking forward.  

Lola holds up a hand before glaring up at Al and him.  Ed struggles to meet her gaze.

“You should’ve told me,” she signs, looking so tired that Ed isn’t quite sure how she’s still standing.  “I had a feeling something was wrong and you two made me feel like I was being crazy. ”

“We didn’t mean to, Lola,” Al says, waving his hands.  “We just didn’t want to hurt you-”

“I’m already hurt, Al.  This entire situation hurts.  You withholding information does nothing for anybody,” Lola signs, cutting Al off.  She wobbles slightly and Winry rushes forward to catch her before she can fall over.

Lola grits her teeth.

“You said I could lean on you,” Lola signs, shaking her head .  “Were those all just lies?  How can I lean on you when you won’t even be honest with me?  When you’re willing to give up on restoring us?”

(He is a coward.)

“We won’t give up,” Ed says, thinking of Gracia’s words.  He meets Lola’s gaze head on as the redhead struggles to keep it together.  “We brought you into this mess, Lola.  We’ll make sure we find a way to heal you.  We’re in too deep now, we can’t just run away.”

Lola narrows her eyes before nodding her head.

She walks forward and punches Ed in the arm, before going and doing the same to Al even though the boy won’t feel it.

“Ow-”

“That’s for lying to me,” she signs, her eyes set.  “Don’t do it again.  Don’t give up like that again, I won’t accept it.”

Ed rubs his arm before nodding his head.

“We won’t,” Al says, his voice resolute.  

Lola tries to smile, finally looking a bit like her normal self. But Ed can see that something is still missing.

“Why don’t you come back with us to the hotel, Lola?” Winry asks as the redhead shakes her head.

“I should stay for now, in case Gracia needs something.  She’s been so kind to me.  It’s the least I can do.  I’ll stop by a bit later.”

Ed nods his head as Winry gives the girl a hug.

They all wave as Lola ushers them away.  As Ed looks back up into the Hughes home, he can see Gracia crying through the window.  Holding Elysia close.

He clenches his fist.

(Dammit.)

“Lola was the one who found him.  Mr. Hughes,” Winry tells them as they walk back to the hotel.  Ed and Al gape at her as the blonde closes her eyes.  “She says she’s scared of blood now.  That she can barely stand to look at it.”

“That’s horrible!” Al utters as Winry purses her lips.

Ed looks back at the Hughes’ home, where Lola had waved them off after forgiving them so easily once again.  The smile she had placed onto her face.

Once again, he feels helpless.  Completely and utterly useless.

As Lola watches them leave, her eyes narrow.  A sick feeling emerges in her stomach and her resolve is only strengthened.

She needs to get rid of her research.  To get it out of Dr. Martin’s hands.

People in the military are doing something evil, and there’s a chance they’ll want to use her research to further their goal.  

If put in the wrong hands, her research could be used to manipulate, to take away a person’s free will. It would give the military the power to be puppet masters in other people’s lives, even more than they were now.  

Lola will not let that happen; she refuses to let her research be used for such horrible things.

(She was just as bad.  Hadn’t she tried to play God when she started the research in the first place?)

She goes upstairs, smiles at Gracia as the woman goes to start dinner, and lets her know she has some business to attend to.

(She doesn’t need any physical copies.  She knows her research like the back of her hand; it's stored in her brain.)

When she makes it to the research facility, Dr. Martin is there to meet her.

“Lola!” he says, his eyes widening.  “I-I’m glad you’ve decided to come.  I’m sorry for how things went last time.  I was-I could’ve handled that in a much better manner.”

(The messages he had sent her were threatening.  He didn’t really leave much of a choice and yet he still had the audacity to play nice.)

‘The fault was all mine.  I was being too stingy,’ Lola writes, smiling at the man.  ‘I’ve had some time to think and I really want to show you guys more of my research.  All of it.  I want my name to go down in history and you guys can help me do it.’

Dr. Martin gives her a beatific smile while Lola fights the urge to punch him in the face.

“I knew you would come to your senses.  You’re much too smart,” he says, getting up from his desk.  “Please, I’ll show you where the rest of the team is waiting.”

Lola nods her head, trailing behind the man as he babbles on and on about the new possibilities Lola could bring forth.  The redhead bobs her head happily, seeming intrigued with whatever the doctor says.

She watches the rooms as he leads her down the hall, before stopping abruptly.

‘Actually, I really need to pee,’ Lola writes, looking slightly embarrassed.  ‘Would it be alright if I used the bathroom first?’

“I can wait,” he offers.  “I don’t mind standing for a few moments.”

Lola bites her lip before writing, ‘It’s that time of the month.  I might take a bit longer.’

Dr. Martin blushes slightly, averting his gaze.

“Of course, of course!”  He rubs the back of his head  “We’ll be in Room 205.  I showed it to you on your tour.”

Lola waves as the man begins to walk away, ecstatic to get out of the conversation.  She begins walking to the bathroom, only to make a complete U-turn once the man is out of sight, and heads to Room 107–the room where her research files were being kept.

A young man stands guard in front of the door.  Lola narrows her eyes. 

He was a security guard, she remembered.  The one tasked with watching over any important files the facility had to oversee.  She had met him once for a brief moment on her tour.  He was incredibly moody, but also seemed to have a bit of a crush on Dr. Monroe.

(Dr. Monroe, who was married and had two children.)

‘I’m so sorry,’  Lola writes, looking apologetic.  She glances at his name tag.  ‘Ethan.  Dr. Monroe is calling for you.  It seemed urgent.’

“Urgent how?” Ethan asks, looking like a rather excited puppy.

Lola furrows her brow.  ‘I think she’s fighting with her husband.’  Ethan’s eyes widen.  ‘She was very hysterical.  Please be discreet, however.  She doesn’t want anyone else seeing her like this.’

(Dr. Monroe was as cold as ice.  There weren’t many women in her field of work, so she didn’t allow herself to get overly emotional, to feed into any stereotypes no matter what the issue was.  A fact that Lola could piece together after only moments of speaking to the woman.  She wouldn’t let something as silly as a fight with her husband take away from her work.)

It seemed that Ethan was a bit more naive, however.  He had a bright smile on his face as he looked worriedly around the hall.

“I can’t just leave-”

‘I can look over the files,’ Lola writes, giving him an encouraging smile.  ‘My research is in here too, so I’ll make sure no one tampers with anything.  Go to Dr. Monroe.’

The man seems to have a bit of an internal struggle with himself.  Lola places a hand on his shoulder.

‘Take it from me,’ she writes.  ‘You have to go after the things you want.  This is your opportunity.  Make her see you.’

(Lola feels bad.  She really does. The man will undoubtedly be humiliated.  But there are more important things at stake right now.)

The man purses his lips, running a hand over his face, before nodding his head.  He rushes down the hall and for a moment Lola wants to shake her head.

(Love can make you stupid.  Something she both loved and despised about it)

She uses the key that was gifted to her on her first day, letting herself into the room.

She looks over to where the research files are and gets to work.

“I didn't realize how banged up you were, Al,” Winry says, trying to sound cheerful.  She has her gloves on and is trying to buff out Al’s armor.

She hasn’t felt this way in a long time.  The sick feeling that would curl up in her gut, the pain in her chest.  Not since her parents died.

(She had felt it partially the days following the transmutation.  When the boys went on their journey and Lola had left her, but deep down Winry knew that those instances weren’t final.  She knew the boys would come back to her and she knew Lola would as well.)

Her parents didn’t come back to her, however.  She had clung onto Lola as she watched their backs disappear into the distance forever.

Winry takes a deep breath.

“What are you two going to do now?” Winry asks, looking over her shoulder.  Ed simply lays back.

When his eyes turn to her, Winry feels a bit dizzy.  Her heart skips a beat.

(it was so strange.  She had never used to feel this way around Ed before.)

“What do you think I should do?” he asks as Winry’s eyes widen.

She’s silent for a few moments while Ed gives her a strange look.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks.

Winry straightens up.  “It’s just, you’ve never asked my advice before,” she says in slight wonder.  Ed has the decency to look slightly ashamed.

(Ed and Al are always so far ahead of her these days.  She thinks back to their days in Resembool and wishes that they could go back.  That she could hear Lola’s voice again, that she could hug Al in his original body.  That Ed would let loose and finally let himself relax, truly relax, like he used to.)

“I’m scared,” Winry starts off, feeling so incredibly small.  “When I think of you and Al being in a situation that could even get Mr. Hughes killed… I get really scared.  You guys could die.  One day I could be here and you guys just wouldn’t be.  Just like my parents.”

(When her mother and father had hugged Lola and her before their deployment, Winry didn't know that it would be the last time.)

Ed and Al are both larger than life and Winry wants them to live on.  A world without them just wouldn’t be right.

“I want you guys to get your bodies back.  I want you to heal Lola but-”  Winry grits her teeth. 

She also wants them to be safe.  She wants them to be with her for as long as possible because she loves them.  She wants all of the people she loves to be happy.

She thinks of Lola.  Lola who had lost so much weight, who looked as if she could unravel at any second.  Winry feels dread because it seems that all of the people that she loves are so far away from her these days, even when they’re in the same room.

The blonde doesn’t want to be selfish, but she wishes they could go back.  There are days when she wishes the four of them could just run away and live together somewhere like they used to talk about when they were young.

“I don’t know what I want,” Winry says, eventually sagging forward.  “I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful.”

A beat of silence passes before Al says, “Wow, Winry.  You’re sure being nice.”

The blonde blushes a deep red as she pulls out a wrench.  “I’m always nice, Al!”

“Hey, cut it out!  You’re getting more scratches on me!” the suit of armor says, fending off her attacks.

Winry places her hands on her hips.  She hears Ed laugh slightly in the background.  “Is something funny?” she asks him challengingly.

The boy simply shakes his head, a soft smile on his face.  “You’re something else, Winry.”

Her face warms a bit as she looks away.

Later that day, when Lola comes to see them, Winry allows herself to indulge.  She allows herself to get lost in how things used to be.  She tries to ignore the fact that deep down she knows the peaceful moments like these won’t last.

Lola is sitting in the hotel room with Ed.  She’s sipping on a cup of coffee, leaning back as the boy stares intently at his notebook.

For some reason, he kept trying to get her to eat some food the moment she made it to the hotel.  Making up some excuses about how the food was simply ‘amazing’ and that Lola needed to give it a try.

The blond was persistent, so Lola relented and ate her first full meal in days.  The nausea is there, but she is able to keep it down.

(She wonders if Ed knew.  If he had known that she hadn’t been eating and that was why he did what he did.)

Lola blushes and pushes the thoughts away.  She has more pressing matters to attend to.

A part of Lola feels incredibly paranoid.

The moment she disposed of the research notes, she made sure to hightail it out of there.  While she had expected some sort of message from Dr. Martin and any of his associates, all she got was radio silence.

She knew better than to relax, however.  She knew they were simply lying in wait.

(They could try and deport her for this.  If Seth didn’t get to Central in time with the marriage license, they just might.)

The door to the hotel room flies open with Al breaking through.

“Brother!” the suit of armor calls out, causing both Ed and Lola to jump.

Lola places a hand to her heart as Ed scowls at his brother.

“Don’t scare us like that, Al-”

“The paper,” Al cuts him off, sounding desperate.  He practically shoves it into Ed’s hands.  “ Look .”

Lola peeks over Ed’s shoulder, wanting to see what all the fuss is about.  Her eyes widen as she looks at the headline.

2ND LT. MARIA ROSS CONVICTED IN THE MURDER OF BRIGADIER GENERAL MAES HUGHES.

Lola doesn’t believe it one bit.

The injuries Hughes had suffered, the way he had acted before death, if it had been Ross-someone they both knew- he surely would have said something.

(The way Hughes had been acting.  He knew who had killed him, but he refused to say anything.  He seemed so worried, not about his death but about something much bigger.)

Lola didn’t know Maria Ross well, but in the brief moments they had interacted at the hospital, the woman had been sweet and kind.

(But she had also thought Tucker was sweet and kind, so maybe she wasn’t the best judge of character.)

Ed gets up abruptly before giving Lola a look.  “Stay here,” he says firmly, running out of the hotel room.

Lola narrows her eyes as he closes the door on his way out.  She knows they want to protect her, that they’re under the belief Lola is in need of their protection, but it still makes her incredibly angry.

She looks down at the paper, sees Maria Ross’ smiling face, and grits her teeth.

She runs after the boys.

Ed feels sick, the smell of burnt flesh almost too strong for him to handle.

Mustang stares down at him, his expression cool as he tugs on his gloves.

“Hello there, Fullmetal,” he says.

Ed wants to tear him apart.  Maria Ross’s burnt remains are on the ground, barely recognizable, and Mustang is as cool as ever.

“What happened here?” Ed asks, his voice low because he refuses to believe that the colonel is a monster.  He’s a smug asshole, but he would not do something like this.  There has to be something he’s not seeing.

As the man simply shrugs, Ed feels something turn in his stomach.

“We were given orders to take down Maria Ross,”  Mustang says casually, as if there isn’t a corpse laying a few feet away from him.  “I was doing my job.”

Ed lunges forward.  “You bastard!” he screams, ready to rip this man limb from limb.

He had thought the colonel was good.  Not kind, but good .  Now he feels as if the man has been playing some horrible joke on him.

Mustang punches him in the face.  “You threaten a superior officer?  You forget yourself, Elric!”

Ed sees red.  Someone is holding him back- Alphonse is holding him back -but he still continues to struggle.

“I’ll tear you apart!” Ed hisses, not yet noticing that Lola has arrived at the scene.  That the redhead is staring down at the burnt corpse with nothing but horror.

“I won’t let you!” Al yells, still holding him back.  “What’s going on?”

“This bastard killed Ross!” Ed says.

Then suddenly, he sees her.  Lola is covering her mouth, eyes wide as she looks back up at the colonel.  Ed grits his teeth as she looks over at him.

“Get away from here!” he yells, but Lola simply shakes her head.

“Not without you two,” she signs, glaring at Mustang with an intense hatred.  The man is completely aloof.

(Lola had never liked him.)

The colonel smiles at her, making Ed feel even more sick.

“Well, well, well.  That’s two birds with one stone,” Mustang says, walking towards the redhead and grabbing her by the wrist.  Ed’s eyes widen.  Those same hands had just burnt Ross to a crisp.

(No.)

“Lola Graham,” Mustang says as Ed’s jaw drops.  The redhead stares up at him, wide eyed, struggling to break free. “I hereby place you under arrest.”

“Colonel!” Al calls out, sounding frantic. “What are you doing?!  Lola hasn't done anything!”

“Let go of her!” Ed yells, as Al loosens his grip.  “Let go of her right now, or I’ll-”

“Would you like to be court martialed, Fullmetal?” the man says, causing Ed to freeze.  His gaze is unwavering.  “If not, I suggest you stand down.”

Ed grits his teeth, moving forward once more.

(He didn’t care about any of that.  All he knew was that if this bastard didn't take his hands off of Lola in the next five seconds, he would-)

Lola raises a hand, stopping Ed in his tracks.

“I will be fine,” Lola signs, her face unwavering.  “Tell Winry I will be fine too.  I suspected something like this might happen.”

“What?” Ed utters as Lola purses her lips.  The redhead looks slightly ashamed.

“Don’t worry about me, please.  I will be fine,” she signs.  She attempts to smile at him.  “I will deal with this.  Please trust me on this one.”

Ed is silent, unable to speak even if he wanted to.

“Lola, what’s going on?” Al asks and Lola smiles over at him too.

“I’ll explain later, I promise.”

Ed watches as Lola is taken away.  He looks over at the Colonel and narrows his eyes.  “There better not be a single scratch on her when she gets out,” he hisses.

Mustang remains completely stoic.

As Lola disappears from view, Ed punches the wall.  His automail hand makes a slight dent.

He was useless.  So incredibly useless.

Seth didn’t understand how Lola could travel so often.

The train was uncomfortable, plain and simple.  His entire body was aching .

The moment Seth had gotten Lola’s letter, he packed his belongings, told Alexandr and Mira not to burn the clinic down in his absence, and bought the first ticket to Central.

Central City was interesting to say the least.  He had been to West City once, but only as a child.  He could barely remember anything about it.

He looks down at the address Lola had given him, an apartment on Mayflower Street belonging to someone named Hughes and Seth lets out a sigh.

He hopes Lola has a good explanation for this.

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa. 

“This is someone talking”

‘This is someone writing’

“This is someone using sign language”

Part I. Knowledge

Resembool 1907

Lola loves her sister, she truly does.  Winry is one of the best people she knows.  Beautiful inside and out.

But, there are also moments when Winry could be the most frustrating person alive.

“Do you think you’re gonna marry Adam?” The blonde asks her one day once the automail orders have calmed down.  “That would be amazing!  When you guys have kids, I can tell them all about how I set you two up-”

Lola throws a pen at Winry, which the blonde easily dodges.  The redhead’s face is flaming.

“Nobody is getting married,” Lola says, her hands on her hips as Winry continues to grin.  “Honestly, Winry.  We’re too young for that sort of thing.”

“You kissed him-”

Lola rushes forward to cover Winry’s mouth.  She looks out in the hallway to make sure that Granny hasn’t heard.

“Perché non lo dici al mondo intero?”  Lola hisses as Winry simply swings her feet.

Why don’t you tell the whole world?

“You like him~”  Winry sings as she gets up from her seat.  She skips back off to her workbench, and Lola lets out an exasperated sigh.

She looks at the stuffed animal Adam had gotten her from a fair that had passed through town a few weeks back and closes her eyes.  It is sitting off to the side of the room and Lola slowly goes to pick it up.

She hugs it to her chest.

Winry loves her sister.  Lola is one of the best people she knows.  Incredibly generous and beautiful inside and out.

But Lola can also be incredibly frustrating.

The redhead likes Adam, as anyone with eyes can see.  But she refuses to say it out loud, to him or anyone else.

“If you like someone, you should be open with them,” Winry declares as she sits underneath the oak tree with Ed and Al.  The two of them are reading their alchemy books, something Lola would usually join them in if she wasn’t working at the clinic.

“Maybe Lola isn’t sure,” Al says, still looking down at his book.

“Why do you care so much anyways?” Ed asks, finally looking up at her.  He looks slightly annoyed.  “Who cares if she likes him or not?”

“You care too, Brother-”

Ed shoves Al’s shoulder as the two begin to bicker back and forth.  Winry simply leans back.

Winry wants Lola to be happy, more than anything.  She sees how excited romance makes the redhead and wants Lola to experience that for herself.

Lola is delicate and has been hurt a lot in the past.  Sometimes at night Winry can still hear her call out to her biological mother.  She can hear her whimper about the place she had been before coming to Resembool.  

Granny says that Lola has a lot of scars, the kind you can’t see that festered deep within you.  Winry doesn’t want the redhead to have any more scars added to her collection.

Winry knows love can be a good thing, but she also knows that it can hurt.  She’s seen some of the much older schoolgirls crying over their relationships ending.  Over not being loved back.  Winry doesn’t want that for Lola.

Winry wants Lola to have a love story that is just like a fairytale.

Ed snaps his book shut and leans against the tree.

“Lola is an idiot,” Ed says firmly and Winry clenches her fist.

“Edward-”

“But she’s our idiot,” Ed says, not looking directly at any of them.  “Which means we need to look after her.”

Winry and Al both nod their heads at that.

Lola was always taking care of them, always looking after them so much that she would forget to look after herself. She could be incredibly scatterbrained, but also very cheerful no matter what the circumstances. Always ready to lift their spirits.

“If Lola does marry Adam—or anyone—we need to interrogate them,” Winry says firmly.  “Make sure that they’re a good person.”

Ed and Al nod their heads in agreement.

“She can’t be with some bum,” Ed says.

“They need to be tall-”

“Why do they have to be tall ?” Ed interrupts, narrowing his eyes.  Winry sticks her nose up at him.

“Lola wants someone tall,” the blonde shrugs and Ed looks as if he wants to pull his hair out.

The two go back and forth as Al hums to himself.

“They have to be kind too,” Al adds.  Ed and Winry stop bickering to nod their heads in approval.

“We should make a list,” they all say in unison.

The boys and Winry corner Lola later that day when she gets back from the clinic.  They have a slip of paper in their hands.

Lola squints down at it, before looking back up at the trio.  They all have rather serious expressions on their faces.

“What is this?’ Lola eventually asks, and Winry clears her throat.

“Things you should look for in a future husband,” Winry says as Ed and Al both nod their heads.

Lola wants to crawl into a hole.

“Are you guys serious?” Lola asks, her face warm.  “We’re too young to be thinking about marriage!  Adam and I are just friends!”

“It’s not just for Adam! It’s for anyone that you want to be with in the future,” Al says as Ed nods his head.  Lola closes her eyes.

Lola loves them, but they can be so meddlesome.

“What makes you think you guys have any say in who I marry?” Lola says, reluctantly taking the list from Winry.  She holds back a groan as she scans over the page.

The list was… interesting to say the least.  She could see the combination of different handwriting styles scrawled across the page.

‘Someone who knew alchemy’ had to be written by Ed and Al.  ‘Someone who understood the beauty of automail’ was definitely written by Winry.

“‘Someone tall’ ?” Lola says as Winry perks up.  “They don’t have to be tall.”

“They don’t?” Ed asks, raising a brow.  Lola nods her head.

(She used to feel that way, sure, but she was quickly realizing she didn’t care about that as much.  Even if Adam was shorter than her, she still would have liked him.  Not that she would ever say that out loud.)

“As long as I enjoy being around them, that’s enough,” Lola says with a tone of finality.

Al whispers something to Ed that causes the boy to blush.  He averts his gaze as Al has a rather mischievous look on his face.

Lola looks down at the last item listed on the list and she feels warm inside.  Her lips curve into a warm smile.

‘Someone who treats Lola well and always makes her feel good.’

(They made it so hard to be annoyed with them.)

“If I ever find someone I want to marry, I promise you guys will be the first people I tell,” Lola says, folding the list and pocketing it.  “I promise .”

The three of them collectively nod their heads.

“You better.”

XV. Wanted Woman

Central City 1914

Winry has been pacing around the hotel room nonstop.  The blonde is a bundle of nerves and refuses to calm down.

“What are they even charging her with?” Winry asks, her eyes wide.  Ed closes his eyes.

“As of right now, they’re saying that her citizenship isn’t entirely valid,”  Ed says, clenching his fist tight.  “They… they might try to deport her.”

Winry looks stricken.

(Ed couldn’t blame her.  She had just reunited with Lola and now the redhead might be taken from her again.)

The entire thing is so incredibly stupid, Ed thinks, his eyes narrowed.  Who cares where Lola was born?  She’s lived in Amestris nearly her entire life and is as much an Amestrian citizen as any of them.

Winry sags into the sofa, placing her face in her hands as Al sits up straighter.

“Lola has been living in Amestris for a long time,” Al says, sounding confused.  “Why would they try to deport her now?”

Ed is silent for a few moments before simply shrugging his shoulders.

(“I’ll explain later,” she had told them.  Lola always had secrets she would keep from them.)

Something more was going on.  Ed knew it wasn’t just about Lola’s citizenship.

“Can we go visit her?” Winry asks, and Ed shakes his head once again.

“Lola’s being questioned right now,” Ed says, sitting up on the couch.  “We can’t even get close to her.”

“And Colonel Mustang is the one who made the arrest?” Winry hisses, her eyes narrowing.  Ed grits his teeth.

Thinking about that smug faced bastard makes Ed want to break something.  The way he had coldly addressed the Ross situation, as if he hadn’t just burned a girl to a crisp.  The way he had grabbed onto Lola.  The way he had acted in the hospital. 

Ed desperately wants to punch something.

There’s a knock on the door and all three of them look at it curiously.

“I’ll get it,” Ed says, even though he’s not in the mood for any visitors.

He opens the door only to see a tall guy with dark green eyes and dark hair.  Ed narrows his eyes.

“What is it?” he says rather rudely, not in the mood to play nice. Winry throws a wrench at him for that.

“Don’t be an ass, Ed,” the blonde says, rubbing her eyes.  Ed rubs the back of his head, still waiting for the boy to explain what he wants.

“Umm… I was told Lola Graham would be here,” Green Eyes says, his hands in his pockets.  “Miss Gracia says that she’s been staying over here a lot.”

Ed narrows his eyes at that as Al perks up.

(Ed didn’t know why, but for some reason this guy made him even more pissed off than he already was.)

“How do you know Lola?” the suit of armor asks, and Green Eyes rubs the back of his head.

“Who are you guys exactly?” the dark haired boy asks instead.

Ed grits his teeth.  “Hey, you’re the one knocking on our door-”

“Winry Rockbell,” Winry cuts in, pushing Ed to the side.  She forces a smile on her face.  “I’m Lola’s sister.”

“The best automail mechanic in the world,” the boy says, snapping his fingers.  He beams down at Winry as the girl swoons.  “Lola’s told me all about you.”

“Lola exaggerates,” Winry says, sounding pleased.  She freezes momentarily before sagging forward.  Most likely remembering where the redhead was.

The boy looks over at Ed and Al, stroking his chin.

“You guys are Ed and Al then, right?” he says eventually, his eyes brightening.  “You guys are famous!  Lola used to tell me about you guys a lot too.  She would always save any newspaper clippings she could find of you two.”

Ed looks away in shame as Al ducks his head.

(Yet there was nothing they could do for her now.)

The boy points at Ed, still smiling.

“You’re Ed, aren’t you?” Green Eyes says.  Ed tenses up.  “You have to be.  Lola said you were a bit smaller than most.”

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL YOU NEED A MICROSCOPE TO SEE HIM?!”

“He didn’t say that, Brother!”

Al has to physically hold Ed back from tearing this guy apart.  The boy’s eyes widen, but oddly enough he doesn’t seem too fazed.

“Cool it,” Winry hisses, gripping his shoulder.  “He’s a friend of Lola’s.  Don’t be rude.”

“Why the Hell is Lola friends with an asshole like this?” Ed snaps, not caring that said asshole was only a few feet away from him.

“My name’s Seth, by the way,” Green Eyes says as he pulls out a letter.  Winry snaps her fingers.

“Lola’s fellow apprentice,” Winry says, smiling now.  “You and Lola wrote to each other very consistently.”

Ed’s brow furrows at that as ‘Seth’ nods his head.

“Lola actually sent me a letter recently.  She said she wanted me to come to Central City.”

He shows them the letter in his hands, handing it to Winry.  Ed and Al both look over the blonde’s shoulder.

Winry drops the letter to the ground once she sees what is written down, covering her mouth.  Ed’s jaw drops to the floor.

(This had to be a sick joke.)

Al is the only one who can seem to keep any part of his composure.

“You’re Lola’s husband !?”  The suit of armor yells and the room explodes into chaos.

Lola isn’t quite sure what to make of her current circumstances.

In the span of twelve hours, she has been arrested, placed in a holding cell and then broken out of said holding cell by subordinates of the same man who arrested her in the first place.

Riza had smiled at her apologetically as she escorted Lola out of the tiny room, taking her through some back alley.  Mustang’s other subordinate, a boy named Fuery, was all apologies as well.

“We’ll be able to explain more later,” the two had said in unison, offering no answers to Lola’s many questions.

Warrant Officer Falman gives her a sheepish look and makes her a cup of tea.  They are sitting in his apartment now; even though it has definitely seen better days, Lola likes the feeling that it gives off.  

“I’m sorry for all the commotion,” the man says, placing the tea down on the table in front of her.  “It’s just, you’re a bit of a wanted woman apparently.  The Colonel wants you to hide out here until we can come up with a plan.”

The Colonel. The man who she had believed to be a monster in human form was trying to help her.   He also hadn’t killed Ross.

(Lola doesn’t know what to believe anymore.)

Lola closes her eyes, pressing her palm against her cheek as the man takes the seat across from her.

She knew it was only a matter of time.  Destroying government research was a serious offense.  Even if it had been her research originally.

Even with Amestrian citizenship, she wasn’t exactly sure what would happen to her.  What Dr. Martin and his associates would try to do.

(She could go to jail for this.  For a very long time.)

She thinks of Seth and groans.

That boy would come to Central and have no idea what was going on.  He might even be in danger.

(Ed, Al, and Winry also had no idea what was going on.)

She remembers the way Ed had looked at her as she got taken away and she covers her face with her hands.

She had been angry with them for withholding information, yet she had gone and done the exact same thing.

All in all, Lola is having a pretty horrible day.

The fact that Officer Falman’s creepy roommate keeps trying to flirt with her doesn’t help matters much either.

“Don’t worry, girlie,” the man says, moving closer to her.  Lola narrows her eyes. “I’ll be here to keep you all the company you need.”

The man had threatened to ‘chop her up’ when they had first met.  Once he had seen how unimpressed Lola was with his act, he claimed to have fallen in love.

“Cool it, Barry!” Officer Falman hisses, kicking at the being.  “She’s too young!”

“She’s already married, isn’t she?”

Officer Falman sputters at that.  “S-so?!  That makes it even worse , going after a married woman!”

The two go back and forth as Lola leans back.  She takes the time to truly look at Barry’s… ‘body’.

(It was the same type of body that Al had.  Something artificial.)

“See something you like, girlie?” Barry asks and Lola wrinkles her nose.  She picks up the notepad that Officer Falman had been kind enough to give her.

‘Your body.  How did you get it?’

Barry laughs at the question.  “I knew you were interested in me!’ He moves a bit closer to her, much to Officer Falman’s protests.  Lola holds back a heavy sigh.

Someone places a hand on her shoulder.  Even though Lola will deny it to her dying breath, she lets out a wordless scream, which sounds more like a rather pathetic yelp than anything.

“We’re pretty interested too,” a rather cheerful voice says, and Lola takes the time to properly look at the person who had almost succeeded in scaring her half to death.

Long dark hair placed in a low ponytail and an open goldenrod shirt with a white flame pattern at the cuffs.  His presence puts Lola on edge at first glance and the sword around his hip makes Lola feel incredibly wary.  

Upon closer inspection, however, she sees that he’s only a boy.  A boy that’s very bright and reminds her of sunshine.  Of Ed .

(Lola likes bright people, she has always been drawn towards them because they make her existence just a tad better.  This boy is no exception.)

He’s also very touchy, seeing as how he still has his arm wrapped around Lola’s shoulders. 

His partner sits dutifully by his side, wearing a mask and seemingly ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice.

“Hey! Me and the girlie were having a moment!” Barry complains, and Lola gives him an unimpressed glare.

‘Speak.’

Barry seems to wilt slightly at Lola’s dismissive expression.

“Hey, you guys can’t just come in and out whenever you please!” Officer Falman says, pointing a finger at the two newcomers.  Even though they are all sitting in his apartment, the man is dutifully ignored.

“What can you tell us about immortality?  Or your body?” the boy says, his partner nodding along.

Barry rubs his chin.  “Not much I can tell ya,” he says, shrugging his shoulders.  “There’s no way of knowing anything about how I got into this body because all the researchers who put me in it are dead!”

Lola’s stomach turns.

(She always knew the government was shady, but to do something like this?  Would people try to kill her too?  Even if she had coughed up her research would they still try to get rid of her?)

The idea of death doesn’t scare Lola.  Even though she’s no longer searching for it, begging for it, she’s comfortable with her own mortality.

But the idea of dying because of what someone else wants and not on her own terms makes her want to hurl.  The thought of it just feels plain wrong.

If she is going to die, it will be when she is ready.  When she has made the decision.

The boy with long black hair leans back at that, pouting slightly.

“That’s not fair,” he says, folding his arms.  “You owe me a favor!  I helped you out at the prison, didn’t I?”

“And I got you out, so we’re even,” Barry retorts.

Lola sags forward as the two proceed to argue about who helped out who the most.

(She thought maybe if he knew how he had gotten this body, it would be able to help out Ed and Al too.)

Her ears perk up when Barry mentions Alphonse.

‘You know Alphonse?’ Lola writes, her eyes wide.

Barry nods his head.  “Yeah, we went at it not too long ago.”

Lola perks up as she grabs onto the sunshine boy.  She rips out a piece of notepad paper, scrawling down a quick message.  She pushes the paper into the boy’s hand, squeezing his hand in her own.

‘Please give this to Alphonse.’ 

The sunshine boy blinks at that before giving her a bright smile.   “Of course!” he says, giving a mock salute.

Lola beams at him.

(Lola likes bright people, and this boy is no exception.)

Seth isn’t really sure how to feel.

“You said Lola was arrested?” he asks once again, feeling a bit sick as the three people in front of him nod their heads.  

Seth blinks at that before letting out a loud laugh.

(This has to be a joke.)

“ Lola ?” Seth says once more, trying to make sure that they’re speaking of the same person.  “Red hair, brown eyes, beautiful earth-shattering smile?”

Ed, Al, and Winry all seem to tense at that.

Winry leans forward.  “Are you really her husband?” she asks, blue eyes wide.  “Lola was just joking in that letter, wasn’t she?”

Seth shakes his head, wondering why Lola told him to come all the way to Central when she hadn’t even told her family of the marriage.

“If you are her husband,” Al starts off, looking slightly menacing.  Seth almost feels as if he’s being threatened. “Where exactly have you been?  Why did you decide to marry Lola?  Do you care about her?”

(Seth wasn’t sure how to feel about the fact that this intimidating seven foot tall man wearing a suit of armor was the same Alphonse Lola had described as being one of the sweetest people alive.)

“Of course I care about her,” he says, his eyes narrowed.  “I’ve just been in Barcombe taking care of the clinic.  As for why we got married…”

Seth falls silent at that as the three of them lean in.  He wasn’t quite sure if he should tell them the real reason behind it.  That not too long ago Lola had fully planned out her death and had been marching towards it.

(No.  That was something Lola needed to tell them herself.)

“It was a spur of the moment thing.  Emotions were high,” Seth says.  From the look that appears on their faces, he realizes that may not have been the best thing to say.

(He missed Lola.  Lola was good with people; she always said the right thing.)

“Spur of the moment?” Winry hisses, and Seth almost wants to ask her where she pulled out a wrench from.  He decides against it once he sees the murderous look in her eyes.  “You married my sister because your emotions were high?”

(How much did Lola tell them?)

Al places his hands on Winry’s shoulders, calming the blonde down.  But Seth can tell that the boy isn’t exactly a big fan of him either.

The three of them stare at him intensely, and for a moment Seth feels like he’s back in primary school having everything about him scrutinized.  From his appearance to the way he talked.  It wasn’t a good feeling.

“It has to be a joke,” Ed says, folding his arms.  His glare is intense.  “Lola wouldn’t marry a guy like this.”

Al and Winry are skeptical of him, that is for sure, but he can tell right away that Ed simply does not like him.  Loathes him even.

(They all cared for Lola, that Seth could tell, but the feelings Ed had were a bit different.)

Seth smiles at the boy and decides to have a bit of fun.  “Lola is the love of my life,” he says earnestly.  Winry and Al both rear back.  Ed’s jaw drops even more. His face turns red.  “Without her I feel empty.  As if there’s no meaning to anything.”

Ed’s eyes widen as Winry and Al both squeak.

“You’re too old for her, you pervert!” Ed sputters, pointing at him.  “How old are you anyway? In your twenties?”

“I’m only eighteen,” Seth replies dryly, watching as the boy appears to have some kind of crisis.  “I’m a year older than her.”

(This boy has feelings for Lola, even if he doesn’t fully realize them himself.  As Lola’s husband, it’s Seth’s job to tease him as much as possible.)

Seth pulls out some of the letters he and Lola had written to each other, which he had originally only brought in case any officers wanted proof of their ‘marriage’.  He places them on the table as Winry slowly picks one up.

Her face flames as she opens it.

“Y-you guys wrote this to each other?” Winry squeaks as the two boys look over her shoulder.  Seth simply nods his head.

“Whenever we’re apart, I feel as if a part of my soul is missing,” he says, and at that moment he thinks that if medicine doesn’t work out, he’ll definitely get a career in writing poetry. 

(The truth was that they needed to make their letters extra flirtatious.  Lola had spent so much time traveling away from him, that if anyone had ever asked questions they needed to at least have some form of proof that their marriage was ‘real’.)

It was also just a lot of fun.

Winry and Al both seemed to be flustered at that, but Ed’s face is simply a work of art.

“Y-you-”  The boy cannot finish his sentence, still looking down at the letter.

It’s not as if Seth is lying.  In a way, Lola is the love of his life. So is medicine, so is Hazel.  Wagner had been one as well.  Seth believed you could have multiple loves.

(If Lola were here, she’d tear him a new one for introducing himself to her family like this.  But Ed was pissing him off a bit and frankly he didn’t appreciate being treated as if he were some criminal.  He cared about Lola too.)

“You’re lying,” Winry says, her face flaming.  “You have to be.  Lola would have told me if she-”

The blonde freezes at that before quieting down.

“Or maybe she wouldn’t have,” Winry says, looking dejected. “There’s so much that I don’t know.”

Seth looks at the depressed looks on all their faces and actually starts to feel a bit bad.

(Maybe he could’ve handled this in a better way?)

“If it makes you feel any better,” he starts off, rubbing the back of his head.  “I didn’t even get to know Lola’s real name until a year after meeting her.  She told me her name was ‘Hyacinth’.”

The unimpressed stares on their faces tell Seth that no , that little piece of information didn’t make them feel any better.  He lets out a slight whistle.

(Hazel was right.  He needed to get out more.)

Winry perks up a bit, however.

“You said ‘Hyacinth’,” the blonde says, clutching her skirt.  “Did she say why she chose that name?”

(He remembers the way Lola had smiled at him as she told him.  The way her eyes lit up fondly.)

“She said it was an important flower for her,” Seth hums, leaning back.  “That someone important to her gave it to her a long time ago.  When she was feeling very lonely and unsure.”

Winry is silent at that before a pleased smile overtakes her.

“Is that so?” she says quietly to herself.  Seth nods his head.

(Maybe they were finally warming up to him-)

Someone knocks on the door and Ed looks even more annoyed, if it was possible.

“Who the Hell else could it be?” he grumbles to himself.

Seth thinks that boy is in desperate need of a vacation.  It couldn’t be good for him to be so tense.

(Maybe he could write to his cousin?  Xing could be incredibly relaxing.)

The moment Ed opens the door, he is knocked back several feet.  A muscular man with startling blue eyes steps into the room.

(He had nice eyes.)

“What the Hell, Major?!” Ed asks as the man picks him up with ease.  

Seth could swear that the man in front of him is sparkling.  He rubs at his eyes before squinting at the man, only to see that the sparkles haven’t disappeared.

(Was he hallucinating?)

“It seems your arm is broken!” the man-the major, Seth reiterates-says, and his voice is booming.  “We must leave for Resembool at once!”

Seth watches on as the three of them go back and forth with the major.  As what can only be described as kidnapping takes place.  

His eyes widen even more as he sees a Xingese kid casually climb in through the window, clutching a piece of paper in his hand and waving happily at him once he finds his footing.  Seth weakly waves back.

(Lola had a lot of explaining to do.)

Lola is helping Officer Falman clean up, ignoring Barry’s unwanted attempts at flirting, when it happens.

The first thing she notices is the smell.  It’s the smell of rotting flesh and too strong for her to ignore.

(Lola knows because it was the same smell from that night.  When the boys tried to bring their mother back.  When all they could bring forth was a monster instead.)

The second thing she notices is how Lan Fan straightens up.  The girl had been completely stoic her entire time there, so Lola knew she sensed something that the rest of them weren’t seeing.

Lola walks up to the window and peeks her head out, looking to see what could be the cause of it.

When she sees the man coming towards her, she isn’t quick enough to dodge.

The deranged man jumps through the window, pinning Lola to the ground.  He’s looking around the room hurriedly, his knees pressing into Lola’s ribs.

“Lola!” Officer Falman calls out as he pulls out his gun, but Lola is frozen, the world around her falling silent.

(This man could kill her.  He could do it so easily.)

She will die on her own terms when she is good and ready.

Lola slips out of her jacket, the man having pinned it down, and claps her hands.

She presses them to his head as the spark appears.

(She was so pitiful.  No matter how many times she tried to leave alchemy behind, it lured her back in.)

She watches as the man calms down, if only momentarily.  As she switches the hormones in his brain around- equivalent exchange- to produce more estrogen.  More estrogen encouraged the production of more serotonin.  More serotonin meant-

“What have you done?” Barry asks, and Lola feels a bit of shame.

(A serial killer was judging her.  Lola wasn’t sure she could go any lower.)

She can see Officer Falman’s eyes widen as the man, the man who Barry claims is his real body, follows her lead.  Looking at her as if she’s some goddess he needs to submit to.

Even though Lola cannot see Lan Fan’s face, she knows the girl is regarding her differently as well.

(What had she done?  She had once again broken her promise to Wagner.  Had once again tried to play God.)

The man is much calmer now, and Lola is able to crawl out from underneath him.  She adjusts her clothing as the man looks at her rather curiously.  He seems to be much more upbeat, almost like a puppy.

Lola pulls out her notepad.

‘This is what my research is capable of,’ Lola writes as the door to the apartment is broken down.

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa. 

“This is someone talking”

‘This is someone writing’

“This is someone using sign language”

Part I. Knowledge

Resembool 1903

Al likes the redheaded girl from Fotset.  

Lola’s funny and she’s always able to get a rise out of Brother.  She also knows a lot of things that the rest of them don’t.

Al likes the way she talks too; it’s different from the rest of them.  Mom says what she has is called an ‘accent’.

Lola spends most of her time with Winry, but Al also wants to get to know her better.  Lola feels warm, and even though the boy won’t admit it, Al can tell Brother is beginning to warm up to her too.  

(Ed didn’t warm up to anyone right away.  Especially new people.)

But even though the girl is always smiling, there are times when she has a sad faraway look in her eyes.  

“Lola has come from a bad situation,” Aunt Sara said to the three of them when Lola first arrived.  The usually upbeat woman had a rather serious look on her face.  “Make sure to be gentle and kind with her, alright?”

Al hadn’t quite been sure what the woman meant by ‘a bad situation’, but he nodded his head anyway.

He likes Lola and he wants her to stick around.

“Al,” Lola calls out to him, peeking her head out of the doorway.  “The apple pie’s ready.  Ed’s being a glutton, but I saved you a piece.”

Al grins at that, rushing forward into the Rockbell home.

Resembool 1905

Without Mom, things have been quiet and tense.

He and Brother are once again sitting in front of Mom’s grave; and even though Al is freezing, he simply bites back his words and hugs his knees to his chest.

“It’s going to rain soon.”

Al’s head snaps up at the sound.

Lola looks over at them, umbrella in hand and her signature smile on her face.  He looks up to the sky.  Sure enough, rain clouds are already beginning to form.

Brother simply grits his teeth.  “Who cares?” he says, still staring at Mom’s grave.  “Al and I can handle a little rain.”

Al purses his lips.  While he did like the rain, he didn’t like the idea of getting caught in it.  The last time he got caught in the rain, he got sick and Mom took care of him.

Mom isn’t here anymore, so Al isn’t sure what’s going to happen if he gets sick this time.

Lola hums at that. “Maybe,” she replies, moving to stand next to them and placing the umbrella over their heads.  “But Granny and I just finished making dinner.  Some nice hot stew.  If you don’t come inside soon, we might end up finishing all of it.”

Al perks up at that.  Some stew sounded real nice right about now.

Ed folds his arms.  “We’re not hungry.”

As if on cue, Al’s stomach growls.  Ed looks at him as if he’s committed some horrible crime, and Al scowls right back.

“We haven’t eaten since morning!” Al exclaims, his face flaming as he gets up.  Lola is struggling to hold in her laughter.

Ed sucks his teeth.  “Well, I’m not hungry.”

His stomach begins to growl as well, causing Lola to laugh even louder.

“Shut up,” Brother snaps half-heartedly, getting up to his feet.  He follows along begrudgingly as Lola leads them back to the house.

The rain begins to pour, and Lola takes a deep breath.

“I love the rain,” the redhead says as it begins to pour even more.  “It always feels like it’s washing away all my worries.”

“What are you, some kind of grandma?” Ed asks, and Lola shoves his shoulder.  But Al can’t help but to agree with her.

The rain pours around them as they rush back to the Rockbell home.  Even though Mom is no longer here, Al feels oddly at peace, if only for a moment.

Resembool 1907

Lola has been spending a lot of time with Adam recently.

She always laughs extra hard whenever Adam tells a joke, even if Al personally doesn’t find it all that funny.  She also makes these eyes at him whenever the boy isn’t looking.

Winry thinks it’s amazing.  Al just thinks it’s a bit weird; he isn’t used to seeing the redhead like this.

Lola is usually the picture of composure, but whenever Adam comes around she’s a mess.

Brother finds it annoying.  “I bet Adam doesn’t even know what alchemy is,” he grumbles, kicking at a pebble by the side of the road.  

Al lets out a slight laugh, the corners of his lips turning upwards.  “You just don’t like that Lola’s spending all of her time with him.”

To be honest, Al doesn’t really like it either.  Not too long ago, Lola would practice alchemy with the brothers whenever she had a free moment from the clinic.  Now, it seemed, she was spending most of her time with Adam.

Al is happy that Lola seems to be enjoying herself, but a part of him misses her.  He’s sure Brother does too.

“Ed! Al!”

Al turns his head at the sound.

Lola is running towards them, a breathless smile on her face as she jumps forward and wraps an arm around both of their shoulders, knocking them forward. 

“I think I know what we did wrong with that transmutation circle a few days ago,”  she tells them and her eyes light up.  “I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently, and I think we’re moving our energy in the wrong direction.  In order to make bigger transmutations, you need to make sure everything’s spread out equally or the entire circle will malfunction!”

Al’s eyes widen as Brother scoffs.

“Don’t you have to spend time with Adam?” Ed asks, being slightly petty, and Lola blushes before just letting out a laugh.

“Alchemy and you guys are much more important,” she says, squeezing both of them.  “I like Adam, but I love you two.”

Ed turns away at that, but Al can see that the top of his ears are red.

“Lola,”  Al starts off teasingly as the redhead turns towards him.  “Did you just admit to liking Adam?”

Lola’s entire face turns bright red as she sputters, “Don’t be ridiculous!  He’s just-he’s an idiot!”

“You admitted to it,” Brother says, joining in.  Even though he doesn’t like Adam, he’ll take any chance he can to tease Lola.  “Finally .”

Lola pouts at that before placing her hands over her face.

“I can’t believe I even missed you guys,” she grumbles before looping her arms through both of theirs.  “Come on.  Granny has some food on the stove.  I know you guys haven’t eaten yet.”

Al laughs as Brother nudges Lola in her side.

“You’re not sticking to the list,” he says, giving her a pointed look.  “Does Adam even know what alchemy is?”

Al nods his head in agreement.  “He doesn’t have a dog either.” 

“Why does he need a dog?” Lola asks, her brow furrowed as they pass over the bridge.

“So Den can have someone to play with,” he and Brother say in unison.

Lola pinches the bridge of her nose before letting go of their arms and running forward.

“None of that matters anyway!” she calls out, her hair blowing behind her in the wind.  Al always thought Lola had pretty hair; from the way Brother was watching her, he knew the other boy had to agree.  “I have no intention of marrying Adam!”

Al lets out a laugh.  “Don’t fight it, Lola!”

“It’s okay if you love him!” Ed adds on as they follow after her.

Lola lets out a groan as they finally make it to the Rockbell home. “Voi ragazzi siete i peggiori!”

You guys are the worst.

Resembool 1909

Al can tell that Lola is annoyed.

Her face is mostly blank, but the way her eye twitches every few seconds gives her away almost instantly.

“You guys were gone for fifteen minutes ,” Lola states plainly, her eyes narrowed.  “And you’re telling me that in those fifteen minutes you found an alchemy teacher capable of stopping floods?”

Ed and Al both nod their heads as Lola and Winry share a look.

Lola bites her lip before moving forward to place her hands on each of their foreheads.

“Are you guys not feeling well?” she asks.  “You don’t feel warm or anything-”

“We’re feeling fine,” Brother says firmly, smacking her hand away.  “We found an alchemy teacher and we want to go with her.  None of you can stop us.”

“Why do you have to leave so suddenly?” Winry asks, leaning back slightly.  “Can’t you take some time before leaving?”

Ed smirks at that.  “Why?  Are you gonna miss us, Gearhead?”

“As if!” Winry snaps.  “But knowing you two, you’re both gonna go and do something reckless.  Just don’t do anything stupid while you’re out there.”

“Shut up!”

As the two go back and forth, Lola turns towards Al.  She places both of her hands on his shoulder.

“Are you sure about this?” Lola asks, biting her lip.  “It’s going to be difficult.  Miss Izumi seems like she’d be especially tough.”

Al smiles at that, nodding his head. “We’re sure, Lola.  You don’t need to worry.”

Lola crushes him in a hug.

“You guys better write,” Lola says, smiling at both of them.

Ed scowls, folding his arms. “We won’t have the time!”

Lola narrows her eyes, rushing towards Ed and grabbing his hand in hers.  “Promise me,” the redhead says firmly, her expression earnest.  Ed falters for a moment, but only a moment.

(Al noticed it was hard for Brother to say ‘no’ to Lola whenever she looked at him like that.)

Eventually, he just turns away.

“Yeah, whatever,” Ed says, rubbing the back of his head.  Lola beams at him, pressing a sloppy kiss to his cheek that causes the boy to blush a bright red. Al and Winry to laugh out loud.

Resembool 1910

Nighttime is peaceful.

Al loves the quiet.  It gives him the chance to think, really think about his situation.  The mess that he and Brother have gotten themselves into.  The mess they brought Lola into as well.

The days following that night have been filled with nothing but stress and regret.  After Lola’s breakdown in the kitchen, Al hasn't really seen much of the redhead.  She’ll come out in the morning to help make breakfast, but she prefers to stay in her room.  Al thinks that she’s avoiding him and Brother and he really can’t blame her.

(“Edward! Alphonse!” Lola had pleaded, banging on the door.  “Please open the door!  Please don’t do whatever it is you’re planning!”  

Ed and Al had both ignored her, albeit reluctantly, getting ready to head upstairs.  They needed to prepare and had hoped the redhead would eventually give up.

Eventually, the banging on the door had stopped.  Al thought that the redhead had decided to go home.

He froze as he heard the sound of sniffling.  Silent sobs that stopped both him and Brother in their tracks.

“Please,” Lola had begged once more.

Al could hear her leaning against the door.  Lola didn’t cry, not usually at least.  But in that moment they could hear her letting out tiny sobs that rendered them both speechless.

“Brother,” Al had said, something twisting in his stomach because he really didn’t want Lola to start crying.  He didn’t want to hurt her at all.  “Maybe if we explain ourselves better, Lola will understand?  We don’t have to shut her out completely.”

Ed had stared at the door, his eyes wide as the sound of sniffling increased.  He faltered for a moment, but only a moment.

“She won’t understand, Al.”  Ed had looked away from the door with a pained expression on his face.  His hands were clenched at his side.  “You know she won’t.  She’ll just try to stop us again.”

“But-”

“Once we bring Mom back, we’ll apologize,” Ed had said, looking slightly shameful.  “You know Lola worries too much.  It’s best this way.  Once Mom’s here, Lola will see that she was worried for nothing.”

Al pursed his lips as he looked back at the door.  The sound of crying had lessened, and he could tell that Lola was beginning to walk back to the Rockbell home.

He was excited to bring Mom back.  In fact, he was ecstatic.  But in that moment he couldn’t help but feel incredibly guilty.

“Come on,” Ed had said, walking up the stairs looking straight ahead.  But Al could tell by the tenseness in his shoulders that the other boy felt guilty as well.)

Colonel Mustang has given Brother an option to join the military and he has agreed wholeheartedly to take it.

“I’ll find a way to get your body back, Alphonse,” the boy had insisted, his gaze determined.  “I promise.”

Lola hated the military, a fact she had never tried to hide and another reason why she most likely didn’t want to see them.

Al wishes he could go back, desperately .  He wishes he would have listened to Lola. He wishes she didn’t have to suffer for his and Brother’s mistake.

This body doesn’t allow Al to feel any physical sensations, but he can still hate.  At that moment, Al hates himself more than anything.

There are times when he’ll pass by Lola’s room and hear her crying herself to sleep.  Times when all he can do is stand by and listen helplessly because he knows his presence won’t ease her pain.

(Lola hates him.  She has to.)

He hears the door open, looking back to see Lola staring down at him.  There are dark circles underneath the girl’s eyes and her red hair is a lot messier than usual.  She usually went the extra mile to make sure she looked presentable, so Al knew she wasn’t in the best state.

(Because of him.  Because she tried to reach out to him.)

Lola takes the seat next to him, causing him to shrink back.

Al doesn’t know what to say, so he looks down at his hands and tries to search for the right words.  There weren’t any.

They would never be able to apologize enough for what they did to her.  What their actions caused her to experience.

So, Al remains silent.  He waits for the redhead to lash out, to write on that notepad of hers that she hated him.  That she would never be able to forgive him.

(Al hates himself at that moment.  It would make sense for Lola to feel the same way.)

Instead of lashing out at him, however, Lola places a chessboard between them.

‘I can’t sleep,’ she writes, a ghost of a smile on her face.  ‘It’s been a while since I beat you in chess, hasn’t it?  Let’s play a few rounds.’

Al wants to cry, and his armor is shaking .

(How could she still smile at him?  After everything, how could she?)

Al wordlessly nods his head.

“Yeah,” he croaks as the redhead sets the board up.   

Lola places her hand over his as his voice breaks.  Even though this body won’t allow him to feel anything, even the warmth of Lola’s hand on his, her presence makes a part of him feel at peace.

XVI. Withdrawal Syndrome

Ruins of Xerxes 1914

Going across the desert is hellish.  His automail is acting up more than ever as the heat seems to seep into his joints, practically boiling him alive.

(Maybe he was being a bit dramatic, but the experience sucked either way.)

He shouldn’t be out here.  There was too much going on in Central for him to just leave and go out into the middle of nowhere.

(Hughes. Ross. Lola getting taken away-)

Ed grits his teeth and looks over at Lieutenant Breda.  The man had only given him vague half answers when he asked about Lola.

“She’s safe,” Breda says simply, looking straight ahead.  “The colonel is protecting her.”

( Protecting her?   The bastard had been the one to arrest her in the first place!  He had killed Ross!)

“What the Hell does she need protection from?” Ed asks, tightening his hold on his mule. “Who wants to hurt her?”

(They had just gotten her back.)

Breda whistles.  “That friend of yours.  She’s been dabbling in some pretty dangerous stuff.  To be honest, I don’t really understand it.  You gotta ask her yourself when you see her.”

(See her again-)

“So the colonel isn’t trying to lock her up?” Ed asks, eyes narrowing.  Breda shakes his head.

Ed wants to ask more, but frankly the heat is beginning to get to him even more.  He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

(Lola was safe.  That was all that mattered.)

Thoughts of green eyes, pale skin, and seemingly perfect hair cause him to cringe.

Lola was married .  Married to some tall, sleazy bastard .

(A condescending smirk on his perfect face. “She said you were smaller than most-”)

What did Lola even see in that guy?

Why wouldn’t she tell them such an important thing?

The whole thing is too annoying to even think about.  It isn’t as if he cared about Lola being married , she could marry whoever the Hell she wanted.  He was just upset that she hadn’t told any of them.  

(A part of him felt uneasy at the thought of it.  At the thought of Lola and that guy riding off into the sunset.)

As they finally come to a stop, Ed’s grateful for the slight reprieve.

The Ruins of Xerxes is where they are now, a civilization that was supposedly destroyed in a single night.

(Something tugs at the back of his mind when he looks around.  When he sees the huge transmutation circle on the wall.)

Eventually, he is led near the edge of the destruction, where they say a woman is waiting to meet them.

The grin on Ed’s face can’t be contained when he sees who it is.

“Fucking Mustang,” he swears, shaking his head as familiar blue eyes and dark hair appear in front of him.  Her signature beauty mark is present for all to see.

Maria Ross is alive and well, waving over at him with nothing but pure joy.

(Mustang hadn’t killed Ross.  He was protecting Lola instead of hurting her.)

For the first time in a long while, Ed feels hopeful.

Central City 1914

‘Dear Al, I’m sorry for worrying all of you.  I’m not in prison at the moment.  Mustang only did that as a cover.  Don’t have much time, but I just want you all to know that I’m alright.  I promise I’ll explain better later.  Lola.’

“So she’s alright?” Winry asks, her eyes slightly teary.  Al nods his head, placing the paper down on the table.

Lola’s husband-Al will never get used to that-looks incredibly relieved as well.  The moment Al finishes reading the letter, Seth leans back and places his head in his hands.

(Maybe he did actually care about Lola?)

After having relayed all the events back to them-Ross not being dead, Lola hiding out in some apartment-Ling looks at him with a rather serious expression on his face.

“You wanna come?” he asks, and Al immediately nods his head.

(So many things were going on.  He couldn’t just sit on the sidelines twiddling his thumbs.)

“I might be able to find out about those who killed Mr. Hughes,” Al says, clenching his fists.  “If Brother and I are even partially responsible for his death, we need to see this through til the end.”

“So you’re going?” Winry asks, biting her lip.  Al nods his head.

“I’ll bring Lola back with me too,” Al says.

Winry is silent for a few moments before saying, “Good.  Tell me everything when you guys come back, alright?  Promise that you’ll come back.”

“Yup!” he says cheerfully, getting ready to follow after Ling.  “I promise!”

(So many things that he didn’t understand.  He was finally about to get some answers.)

Lola rushes back, her back hitting the wall as a masked man breaks into the apartment.  Her eyes widen as he shoots at Barry’s real body.

Lola shakily gets to her feet as Officer Falman squints at the man in recognition.

“2nd Lieutenant Havoc?”  Falman asks, and the masked man sags forward in irritation.

“I can’t stand rookies in the field!  Why do you think I’m wearing this mask!?” Havoc snaps, causing Falman to sputter.

(Havoc.  She had seen him briefly in East City.)

Lola swerves to the side as Barry’s real body lunges for her.  She rushes towards the apartment door as gunshots ring out behind her.

(How is this her life?)

She claps her hands together and presses them to the apartment floor, causing spikes to appear from the ground and throw the corpse off balance.  

Falman’s eyes widen as the spikes go through a rather gaudy, purple rug.  “My aunt gave me that rug,” the man utters weakly.  

“Keep your head in the game, Falman!” Havoc snaps, continuing to shoot.

“Girlie did you a favor.” Barry adds on, causing Falman to sag forward even more.

Lola glances up at him apologetically, before clapping her hands once again.

(She’d offer to fix everything later.)

Havoc gets in front of her as the man once again attempts to lunge for her.  Barry rushes towards his real body, exchanging blows.  Lola shields her head as Havoc continues to fire.

“I don’t know why, but he seems to have a bit of a special interest in you,” Havoc says, still firing.  “We need to get you away from here.”

Lola nods her head shakily.  ‘No argument here.’

Lola is pushed to the ground by Officer Falman as Barry’s real body lunges towards her once again.  

Havoc continues to shoot.  “He smells horrible!”  He hisses as Lola is carted to the side.

Eventually, the shooting stops, and Havoc’s eyes widen as his gun jams.  Lola jumps back as Barry’s real body rushes towards Havoc.  Officer Falman calls out to him.

(Damnit.)

A lone bullet pierces through the corpse’s hand, causing him to rear back with a howl.  The blood that comes out of his wound causes Lola’s eyes to widen.  She begins to tremble at the sight of it.

(Hughes gripping onto her hand for dear life as the light left his eyes.)

Havoc lets out a chuckle.  “Told you not to worry,” he says, looking up to the rooftops.  “We have the Hawk’s Eye on our side after all.”

Lola narrows her eyes at that, still trembling as she follows the man’s gaze.

(Hawk’s Eye.  Hawkeye .)

Barry lets out a laugh as he gets into a fighting position once again.

“They must have knocked the soul of a lab animal or something into my body,” he says, gripping his cleaver.  “He’s come back to claim his soul it seems.”

“What do we do now?” Havoc asks, sounding frustrated.

Barry whips his head around at that.  “What do we do?” he repeats, sounding scandalized.  “That’s my body!”

As Havoc and Barry go back and forth about what to do over the fate of his real body, Lola and Barry’s real body lock eyes once more.

(No.)

With a surprising amount of speed, the corpse lunges towards Lola one last time.  Before she can even clap her hands to defend herself, he grabs onto her, lugging her over his shoulder.

With one last push, the man sprints away, Lola on his shoulder.

Falman’s eyes widen. “Lola!”  He tries to aim at the man, but can’t land a shot.

Barry runs after them.  “Girlie!”

Lola struggles to keep her eyes open, the smell of decaying flesh and blood too much for her to take.

(She was covered in his blood.)

Her vision goes black.

“What do you mean he’s taken her?!” Roy snaps as Havoc and Falman fill him in on the situation.  Hawkeye pinches the bridge of her nose.

Falman looks slightly ashamed. “It was my fault,” he says, gritting his teeth.  “I was right next to her.  I should’ve been more vigilant.”

Havoc opens the car door, getting into the backseat.  “Barry’s pursuing both of them now.  I’m not sure why he’s so attached to her.”

Falman remains silent for a moment before his eyes widen.  “Her alchemy…could that be it?  She used it on him when he first came in.  It made him act differently.  He was a lot more docile for a few moments.” 

Roy grits his teeth.

He had heard rumors about Lola Graham and the research that she brought forth.  It was making waves within the higher ups, and he had been more than a little surprised to hear from his informants that the Elric brothers’ seemingly harmless childhood friend was the mastermind behind it.  

The power to control minds, to alter behavior.  It had the power to change so many things.

(It was one of the main reasons Roy made sure to hide her away before anyone else decided to strike.  This girl had the power to be absolutely terrifying and Mustang needed to make sure she would be aligned with him when the time came and not any of his rivals.  To make sure no one else could try and use her research for their own gain.  He shuddered to think of what General Armstrong would do with this information, or even General Grumman.)

He remembers the first time he met the girl.  The look in her eyes as she threatened him with a broomstick of all things made him think she actually wanted to see him dead.

(‘The first time I met you, I prayed for you to burn in the lowest level of Hell.’)

None of that matters right now.

He hears a familiar voice call out to him. “Colonel!” 

Alphonse Elric is running towards them as Roy grips the steering wheel.

Even though he is a seven foot tall suit of armor, Alphonse is still a child.  While Fullmetal is a part of the military, Alphonse is still technically a civilian.  Most people- good people -would advise against a teenaged civillian joining in on what could only be classified as illegal activity.

“This has to do with Mr. Hughes' death, doesn’t it?” Alphonse asks, and Roy simply nods his head.

Roy is not a good person.

“Are you coming?” he asks, instead of telling the boy to stay put, training his eye on where Barry currently is.  

Alphonse nods his head, getting into the car.  “Yeah!”

“It took Lola?!” Al asks, as the Colonel steps on the gas.  “Why?”

“It has to do with her alchemy,” the Colonel explains, taking a particularly sharp left turn.  “I don’t know how much you know about her research, but to sum it up, it has the ability to alter a person’s brain chemistry.  She used it on him in self defense to calm him down, it’s possible that doing that made him attached to her.  Like a drug, almost.”

“I-that’s-” Al stutters, not sure what to say.  He looks down at his lap.

When Lola told him about her research, she hadn't mentioned that part of it.  She hadn't mentioned that she had something so powerful at her disposal, something so… manipulative .

Al isn’t quite sure how to feel.  A part of him feels a bit betrayed even though he knows he has no right to.  He thinks of Lola’s husband sitting in their hotel room and he clenches his fists.

Lola always used to be so open with them, but now she feels like a complete stranger.  Al just wants to go back to the way things used to be.  When Lola would smile at him, and he knew it was one hundred percent genuine.  Where there were no more secrets.

When this is all over, he plans to make the redhead tell him everything.

He thinks of the slender person he had seen with long black hair and the ouroboros tattoo.  He thinks of Greed and what had happened in Dublith.

(“There is no such thing as impossible, kid.”)

He leans forward. “Colonel,” he starts off, getting everyone in the car’s attention.  “What do you know about Homunculus?”

When Lola comes to, it takes everything in her not to throw up.  The smell is too strong, and the man’s blood is now starting to stain her clothes.  Her head is spinning.

(Hughes.  All she can think of is Hughes.)

She doesn’t know where she is, or where Barry’s real body has taken her.  All she knows is that she needs to get as far away as possible.

Lola claps her hands, pressing them to his head once again.

(Calm down.  Calm down.)

She switches the chemicals in his brain around to create melatonin.  A lot of melatonin.

Eventually, the man slows down.  He lets out a hearty yawn before lying down on the ground, still holding Lola tight as if she’s a stuffed animal.

Lola grits her teeth as she struggles to get herself out of his grip.  Even while sleeping, the man is three times stronger than her.

Eventually, Lola lets out a sigh.  She claps her hands and presses them to the arm holding her down.

(Atrophy.  She needs to weaken the muscles.)

After what seems like an eternity, Lola is finally able to break free.  She wraps her arms around herself as she looks at her new location.

The man had taken her through a lot of dark hallways, but the area they’re currently in is filled with light.  Her eyes widen as she looks up at the wall.

(Something wasn’t right.  She needed to get out of here.)

It’s a transmutation circle unlike any she had ever seen before.  It’s absolutely beautiful.

(Alchemy was a drug, plain and simple.  It could always pull her back in.)

The man next to her coughs out blood, and his body is starting to decompose even more.  The smell is putrid.

The man whimpers, shaking slightly as he tries to move, only to no avail.  Lola can see that his eyes are tearing up.

(This man may have been a monster, but so was she for controlling him in such a way.  For messing with his already screwed up mind.)

She hears footsteps approach, only to see Barry come into the room as well.  He looks down at his body and freezes.

(She had only known the man for a little over a day, but even so she knew this was out of character for him.  That seeing his own body decompose, even though he tried to act indifferent, was eating him up inside.)

Lola places her hand over his, the one act of kindness she will ever give to him, as they both watch his real body convulse.

When Al and the Lieutenant make it into the room, he lets out a sigh of relief once he sees the familiar shade of red hair.

He runs towards her.  “Lola-”  He freezes once he sees the decaying corpse not too far from her.

Barry’s real body doesn’t even look human anymore, Al thinks, looking down at it with pity.  For once, Barry is completely subdued.

“Fixing someone else’s soul into my body must have caused instability,” Barry says, shaking his head.  “They originally belonged to two different individuals, so it’s only natural for them to repel each other.”

Al freezes.

(This body was only temporary.)

Barry is right.  It’s common sense and Al doesn’t know why he hadn’t realized it before.

His soul is in a block of iron, and there is no guarantee that his soul won’t be rejected before they’re able to get his body back.  No guarantee at all.

Al looks over at Lola, who is placing a hand on Barry’s arm and looking down with pity at the man who kidnapped her.  Despite their circumstances, Lola still manages to give him a tired smile.

“I’m glad you’re alright,” Lola signs, looking worn out.  “I’m sorry about the way things happened.”

Al doesn’t respond at first, before signing: “Lola, once this is over, please tell us everything.  About your research, and about everything that happened when you were gone those three years.”

Lola's eyes widen, but Al remains firm.  Eventually, Lola shakily nods her head.

“I promise.”

When the woman walks in, Lola can’t help but think that she must be the most beautiful woman she's ever had the pleasure of seeing.  There’s simply something about her that pulls Lola in.

When the woman- Lust, Barry had called her-slices him into multiple pieces, any curiosity Lola has about the woman is gone.  Washed away as Barry falls to the ground.

The woman smirks, her claws waving menacingly in the air.

“I hate overconfident men,” she drawls, moving closer to them.  “I also hate the fact that I have to kill two candidates for human sacrifice in one day.”

The woman looks at Lola, and the redhead no longer finds her smile appealing.  She finds it terrifying.

“At least we still have you, Red,” the woman rasps, licking her lips.  “We still need you alive.  That research of yours is simply fascinating .  Subduing you won’t be an issue at all.  It’s not like you can scream for help.”

(How did this woman know about her research?)

Lola narrows her eyes as she tries to hide the trembling of her hands.

(Never show how scared you actually are. A fact that had been ingrained into her while at the orphanage.)

Al walks in front of her, shielding her as Riza keeps her gun trained on Lust.

“Candidates?” Al asks, tensing for a fight.  “Human sacrifice?”

Lust nods her head.  “That’s right.  You and the other one.”

(The other one?  Who the Hell was she talking about?)

“Would you like to go first, Iron Boy?” Lust asks, smirking as she walks closer to them.  “Or maybe you, Lieutenant? I can send you the way of your superior.”

Lola’s eyes widen as Riza tenses up.

( Mustang was her superior.  He couldn't be dead.)

Even if she doesn’t like him, Lola can still admit that Mustang is a force.  A person put on this Earth to do something monumental with his life.  It went hand in hand with the alchemy he practiced.  Something that pushed through no matter what, incinerating everything in its path.

The scream Riza lets out is guttural.  

“YOU BITCH!” the blonde screams, causing Lola’s eyes to widen.  She didn’t even know the Lieutenant was capable of being so loud.

Riza fires bullet after bullet into Lust’s body, causing the dark haired woman to falter for a few moments.  The usually composed soldier has completely lost any composure.

Lola’s eyes widen.  Oh , she thinks as Riza switches guns, firing round after round.  She looks feral.  She loved him.  She really loved him.

Once the bullets finish, once Riza drops to her knees, Lola can see that the woman is crying.

It’s one of the things she hates about love.  While it can be a wonderful thing, it also has the power to completely and utterly destroy you beyond repair.  To take away your will to live, to keep going.

(What a scary thought.  That love had the power to destroy even a woman as strong as the lieutenant.)

Lust sucks her teeth as her wounds instantly begin to heal.  “Humans are truly pathetic creatures.”

Lola claps her hands, pressing them to the ground.  She sends multiple spikes towards the woman that Lust easily swipes away with her claws.

(She wasn’t like the boys.  She couldn’t easily use alchemy in combat.)

Even so, she continues to send spike upon spike towards Lust as Al transmutes a weapon of his own.

Riza is still frozen on the ground, and the sight of it unsettles Lola. It causes something to rise within her.

(Anger.  It was pure anger.)

“That woman doesn’t want to keep on living!” Lust yells gleefully, exchanging blows with Al.  She parries Lola’s attacks, and Lola grits her teeth.

(How many nights had she wished for death?)

“I won’t let you hurt anyone else!” Al says as Lust pierces through his armor.  Riza is still motionless on the ground.

Eventually, the blonde croaks: “Alphonse, leave me.  Take Lola and go.”

“No!” Al responds as Lola looks over at the lieutenant.

“Alphonse!”

“I’m sick of people dying in front of me!” Al yells back.  “I’m sick of being so helpless!  I won’t let you die!  Not when you're right here, right in front of me!”

The sound of his voice makes Lola’s heart break.

(He is a child.  He shouldn’t have to deal with this.)

Riza’s fingertips scratch the ground as tears continue to stream down her face.  “Alphonse, please-”

Smack!

The sound causes Al to falter for a moment as he fights to hold off Lust.  Riza’s eyes are wide, her face having gone to the side as Lola grabs the scruff of her shirt, her hand stinging.  Amber eyes are narrowed and brimming with tears.

“How dare you?” Lola signs, shaking Riza slightly.  “You’re willing to die over this?”

“Lola-”

“Do you really think the bastard would want this?” Lola signs, her hands trembling.  “How dare you?”

“You don’t understand!” Riza snaps back, her voice breaking.  “You can’t possibly- ”

“So many of the people I love are in the ground already,” Lola signs, tightening her grip on Riza’s shirt. “Don’t ever tell me I don’t understand.  But… dying does nothing to help them.  We need to live on for them.  How would he feel if he saw you giving up right now?”

Riza falters as Lola loosens her grip on the woman’s shirt.

(Her mother, Sara and Yuriy, Trisha, Wagner, Nina, Hughes-So many people were being added to the list.)

“We need to live for them.  We need to live so that their memories won’t die,”   Lola signs, biting down on her lip. She rubs at her eyes.  “It’s the least we can do.  We need to make sure their memories live on.  We need to fight, even if things aren’t in our favor because that’s our duty as humans.  That’s the whole point of being alive.”

(The way the boys would always get back up no matter what, how strong they both were.  How Winry was always able to stay so optimistic despite the trauma she had faced herself.  That’s what it meant to be alive.  To keep pushing forward no matter how much pain you were in.  To hope for a better tomorrow.)

Lola knew she was being hypocritical, knew she had been in the same place Riza was currently in a hundred times over.  She knew she had no right to say anything , but-

(“You should never choose to die when there's even the slightest chance you might live!")

Riza’s eyes widen as Lola grits her teeth.

“You still have two arms and two legs.  Don’t ever give up when you’re still capable of standing on your own two feet.”

Lola claps her hands once again, sending another pair of spikes towards Lust once she sees that Al is falling back.  The moment she sends the spikes, she covers her head as Al places a stone wall in front of them.

Lola feels a rush of heat as flames envelop the other side.  Despite herself, Lola smiles.

She knew Mustang wouldn’t be taken out so easily.

Once it’s finally over, once Lust is incinerated to a crisp, Lola allows herself to breathe a bit easier.

( Candidate .  Lust had called both her and Al candidates .)

“Lola!” The redhead’s head snaps up as she sees the Lieutenant cradle Mustang in her arms.

She rushes over to where Mustang is, looking over his wounds once he falls to the ground.  The man lets out a slight chuckle.

“I never thought you of all people would willingly heal me,” he rasps, coughing up blood.  Lola freezes at that sight, before steeling herself.  She simply places a shaky finger to her lips, hoping he’ll get the message and stop talking. 

The man, of course, does not listen to her.

“Alphonse,” he says, looking over at the suit of armor.  “Thank you for looking after my lieutenant.”

Riza tightens her hold on the man as they share a look.

Lola narrows her eyes at that.

(My lieutenant.  The way he melted into Riza’s arms.  The looks they would share.  He loved Riza too.)

“No problem,” Al says as Lola inspects his wound.  “But you need to stop talking so Lola can heal you, alright?”

She claps her hands and works on the burn wound.

(She didn’t know how he was still alive.  The pain alone would have killed most people.)

The man grabs her hand. “Havoc,” he rasps, his grip weak. “Go heal him first.”

Lola’s eyes widen as the man loses consciousness.  Lola sags forward as Riza sits dutifully by his side, frantically looking over him and calling out his name.

She leans her head back and closes her eyes.

She had been wrong about Roy Mustang.  Completely and utterly wrong.

A picture of Lola done by jocdemis on tumblr:

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist © Hiromu Arakawa.

"This is someone talking"

'This is someone writing'

"This is someone using sign language"

Part I. Knowledge

Barcombe 1912

Lola has been in Barcombe for about half a year at this point and she'd like to think that this old, rickety town has finally become her home.

Even though no one stays in Barcombe for long, the people she gets to meet are fascinating: a traveling merchant who came all the way from Xing, a woman from West City planning on moving to the capital to open a Cretan restaurant, and even a retired circus performer.

Barcombe has given her a chance to start over, something she'll always be grateful for.

(She thinks of oil, bolts, sunshine, and forced smiles.)

Barcombe is her life now; Resembool is her past.

One day, when she's cleaning out one of the backrooms of the clinic-a task Wagner and Seth had both been too lazy to accomplish-she stumbles upon something that threatens the peace she has worked so hard to find.

A piece of paper with Sara's handwriting on it. A letter she had written to Wagner.

Dear Thomas,

I'm sorry that I haven't written to you in a while. Everything has just been so hectic lately.

The baby was born in March. A healthy baby girl called Winry. She's already so energetic!

Lola smiles sadly at that and a part of her wishes she could show Winry the letter.

(She knows that will never happen. She knows that she can never go back.)

The next words make her freeze.

Mary has a little girl of her own now too, if you can believe it. Lola Andrea. She used to send me pictures, but recently it's been harder for me to get in contact with her. Have you heard anything? The last letter she sent me was a bit strange. It didn't really sound like her.

I know you're a bit of a homebody, but please stop by Resembool whenever you get the chance. Yuriy and I would love to see you, and we'd love for you to meet Winry as well.

All my love,

Sara Rockbell

Lola stares down at the letter, almost as if she's been transfixed. Her hands shake as she puts it down on the table.

She looks down at the date signed on the letter and wants to hurl. It was around the time her mother had started to really lose herself.

She goes to the box she had found the letter in and tries to search for more.

Dear Thomas,

I really believe something is going on with Mary. I know you said she was probably just overwhelmed with the move, but something in my gut says otherwise.

The letters that she sends me are filled with paranoia. It's almost as if she isn't even the same person anymore. Before she moved back to Fotset, she took on a job doing government research. Once she left, she said that some of the things she had been doing just weren't sitting right with her-

Lola turns to the next letter, her breaths speeding up.

Dear Thomas,

Mary is gone. I finally succeeded in contacting her apartment building and they informed me that she passed away last month.

They're saying it was suicide.

I can't believe it. I refuse to believe it. Mary was always so full of life, so vibrant! I don't know what would lead her to do this. I regret not being there for her when she needed me most.

They don't even know where she's buried. Due to her citizenship status and the war, they shipped her body off to some border town without even a proper funeral.

Her daughter, Lola, has been placed in an orphanage and-

The next.

Dear Thomas,

Mary suffered from mental illness. Her grandmother suffered from it as well. Do you think you could look into something for me-

The next.

Dear Thomas,

If what you're saying is right, is it possible that the same illness Mary had could be passed down to her daughter Lola-

"Hyacinth?" A raspy voice calls out.

Lola snaps her head up, only to see Wagner staring down at her. He leans on his cane with an annoyed look on his face.

"I've been calling you for ages," Wagner snaps, before coughing into his hand. "We got some patients downstairs. Some dumbass thought it would be a good idea to-"

Lola shakily holds the letters up, cutting Wagner off. Her lip trembles.

Wagner squints at the papers. "The Hell is that? I told you to throw any junk you found-" He freezes once he sees the fine print.

(She had always suspected it. She had always wondered. But now-)

Wagner's grip on the door knob tightens.

"Seth!" Wagner yells down the stairs as Lola stares down at her lap. "Try to hold on by yourself for a bit! We'll be down soon!"