Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

2:14 AM

The mattress dips, and Levi flinches as something warm brushes up against his arm.

You’d think 5 years of parenting would have him used to this, but no - even as he spots Mikasa’s pyjamas in the faint gleam of his desk lamp, his heart needs a second or two to still. It only lasts a moment, and as his daughter worms her way beneath the covers, Levi absentmindedly pulls her in.

Little creep. He’d always thought Gabi would be the kid to do his heart in, but Mikasa’s quietness is bound to send him into cardiac arrest one of these days. Levi’s never been too fond of physical touch - it took him months to ease into Erwin’s insistence on physical affection, holding hands, kissing goodbye, morning cuddles, or god forbid: PDA (Levi shudders).

But their kids have always been an exception. He wraps his arms around Mikasa now, quietly pressing an habitual kiss in her hair as she settles against him.

He drifts back to sleep.

2:59 AM

"… Papa?"

Levi groans as he turns. The warmth of sleep is intoxicating, and in desperate attempts to preserve it, he turns to will himself back to sleep.

"… Papa, I need the toilet."

"Mm," he mumbles lazily. "Yh’re … you’re a big girl, you can… you can go on your own," he manages. His words are slurred and barely coherent, but he hopes they’ll do. He feels Mikasa tense. For a moment, she says nothing.

"… The hallway is too dark."

In fairness, these battles are always lost before they even begin, but you can’t blame a man for trying.

He sits up with a sigh, prying open lead-heavy eyes. "… ‘Kay."

Mikasa is right: the hallway is indeed dark, and of course, Levi doesn’t think to appreciate this till sharp fluorescent lights sting his eyes like the salt in an open wound. He turns his back to avoid it. He’s cross-armed, leaning against the wooden wall as he waits, eyes only kept open by the sound of the toilet flushing, the rush of the sink. The door creaks and Mikasa takes his hand again. Levi makes his way toward the bedroom eagerly.

That is, of course, until there’s a soft whimper from the room to their right. Levi freezes. He’s never believed in any god, but in desperate hope of sleep and quiet, his weary mind utters a desperate plea to whatever sadistic, omnipotent bastard is out there, to please, please, please , let him go to bed.

But of course, what follows is the sound of a piercing cry, and its distant echo from the baby-caller in his room. Thanks for nothing, divine fucker. Levi sighs. Squeezes Mikasa’s hand lazily, before nudging her in the direction of the bedroom.

"Go sleep with daddy. I’ve gotta go check on your sister."

Mikasa nods, trods off without question as she so tends to, and Levi’s left tending to his fatherly duties.

"Shh, hi baby," he whispers now, gentle and careful as he lifts Historia up from her crib. "Shh, I know, I know."

Levi groans as he sits down in the chair by the crib, carefully cradling the little thing in his arms. He’s bouncing her carefully, cooing and sushing till sharp wails turns to fussy whimpers turns to small gurgles and baby babble. Some of Levi’s irritation disapperates, allowing a chuckle as Historia shoots him a gummy smile. He wipes a trickle of drool from her cheek.

"Little horror, aren’t you?"

Historia shrieks a small laugh, pudgy fists wiggling in great excitement. He lifts her up carefully, cradles her head as he leans in to kiss a chubby cheek.

"I’ve gotta sleep you know," he chuckles fondly. "You’re lucky you’re so cute."

"Be-be-be," Historia adds, eyes bright and smile wide. Levi snorts, kisses the girl’s temple. Leans her against his chest. The girl coos, blows bubbles as Levi bounces her gently. "Sleep now," he whispers. "Shh. You should be sleeping now."

Historia seems happy being awake, advice though, and Levi sighs as he pats her. "Shh… You want a lullaby? Hm?" Levi presses his lips to the warm skin before he starts humming, voice laced with sleep. "Lights so dim, sky so dark, sky so bright, it’s - shh, shh - with beaming sparks…"

Levi’s nearly dozing off himself as Historia stills in his arms. It takes a round or two of the same lullaby until he feels confident enough to lay her down in her crib, smiling softly at the sight of her. At least he can end the night on a good note.

That thought quickly disappears though, turns to panic at the sound of pittering steps approaching with threatening vigour. Levi’s swift, sleepiness despite, and is quick to swish out of the nursery and scooping Gabi up in her arms. The four-year-old yelps, and Levi’s quick to hush her before she can giggle or speak or wake her siblings back up.

"Shh. She’s alright, go back to bed."

"I wanted a lullaby too," Gabi whines, lowering in volume as Levi presses his index to his lips. " I wanted a lullaby too ," she repeats, whispering.

"It’s the middle of the night, Gabi."

"But papa !-"

"Gabi, it’s the middle of the night. I’ll tuck you in."

Levi can only be thankful Gabi settles for a disappointed whine, rather than full-on wailing. She mutters a few complaints, but leans against him, no protests made as he lowers her against the pillow.

Gently, he wraps her back in her covers. Gabi’s pouting, disappointed and cross-armed. Understandably so - denied a lullaby at 3 in the morning? Such injustice must trump every war there is. He’s half expecting a hissy fit - no, actually. He’s fully expecting a hissy fit, but is surprised to see Gabi say nothing at all.

Her arms are crossed, pout still intact as she averts his gaze. That’s uncharacteristic. "Hm?" Levi prompts. Threads his fingers through her hair. She shrugs.

"… Did you really want a lullaby?"

For a moment, there’s silence, a silence in which Levi makes out a slight lustre of wet in his daughter’s eyes. He stills. She’s crying. "Wh-" he begins, absentmindedly cupping her cheeks. Gabi sniffles, and a heavy tear rolls down the side of her face, past her temple. Fucking hell. It’s three in the morning.

"Gabi, baby" he whispers, half-stern, half-soft. "Baby, it’s fine. We’ll sing a lullaby. Hm?"

Gabi sniffles where she lay, palms at her eyes. It doesn’t seem to be stopping though, and she lets out a sob as Levi leans down to kiss her forehead.

"Hey, hey," he urges softly, brows furrowed. Flare-ups of worry are replacing the exhaustion in his mind now - this can’t be about the lullaby, she’s far too upset. "Talk to me, Gabi. What’s bothering you?"

Gabi’s breath is coming out in scarce and tattered hitches, and she wraps her arms around Levi’s neck, a silent request to be held, lifted. Levi obliges, of course, pulls down the covers to put the girl in his lap. He rocks her gently, back and forth as he strokes her hair, letting her take the comfort she so clearly needs.

They’ve always known their daughter to be extremely expressive in terms of emotions. Upset, she’ll kick and scream, happy, she’ll be so filled with glee and bounce Erwin or he will need to keep her from hurting herself. But she’s never been a particularly sad child - she’s strong-willed and motivated, like Erwin, tough and independent, like Levi.

But now she’s here, and she’s sobbing properly, face nudged into the crook of Levi’s neck, wetting his shirt with tears and snot.

Levi turns his head to kiss her temple, swaying back and forth as he does, partly to comfort, partly out of tiredness. "S’alright," he mutters carefully. "Tell me what’s on your mind, kid. It’s okay."

"Y-y…" Gabi sniffles, interrupted by the hitches spilling from her throat. "Y-you and daddy lo-love Historia , and y-you’re - hh - you don’t c-care about me anymore."

Levi sighs. Presses his lips against her cheek again. They had this with Mikasa as well, back when they’d adopted Gabi. Back then, he’d almost gotten angry, frustrated that a kid - his kid - could feel that abandoned, though it seems an overreaction now. But still, he can't help but squeeze her a little tighter as she cries, clearly hurt and clearly worried about this.

"This been on your mind for a while?" he asks, and Gabi nods. Levi nods, too. "Gotta tell me about things like that. Don’t want you worrying about silly stuff."

Gabi only sniffles, lax in his arms. 

Levi’s never been too good with comforting words - that’s Erwin’s thing, but going by the thundering snores from the hallway, he’s not available at the moment. 

Levi’s bad with words. No matter who he’s speaking to, or what he says, he always seems to offend - partly the reason he never saw himself becoming a father. He’s always been a bit rough around the edges - curt and blunt - hardly father-of-the-year worthy. So when Erwin had brought up children some seven, eight years into their relationship, he’d almost refused point blank.

It took years, but eventually, grave self-reflection had blossomed into a small daydream - growing and spreading till Levi’s head was filled with binkies and blankets and tiny socks.

Erwin is fully to blame for this, of course.

He’d suggested they rent a book from the parenting section at the library, and had ended up with one of those overly heterosexual ones - you know, the ones made to fill your head with unnecessary worries like ‘sunscreen = cancer’ or ‘anything but breastmilk might as well be bleach in a baby bottle.’

When Levi would come home from work, he’d find the book opened to a page which just so happened to show a fluffy hat with bear-ears, or a man pushing a tram. Pure propaganda. Of course, they’d been right to go through with it.

Mikasa had been a tiny thing, swaddled in a yellow blanket as she was put in Levi’s arms, and something had just clicked.

She was theirs, their own , a small human with ten toes and ten fingers and she was theirs.

They’d felt that way with all their daughters, and still do - that love isn’t something that fades, something to be upkept actively. But they’ve got such different ways of expressing it, him and Erwin. His partner is direct - encouraging and consoling, with the right words to express it. Levi’s a man of action - if the kids are upset he’ll hug them carefully, the only sound present the boil of the kettle preparing his feel-better hot chocolate.

He sighs now, carefully stroking Gabi’s back as she sniffles.

"Y’know… you’re a big kid. Right? You and Mika." Levi feels Gabi nod against his neck. "And… you two are so good at so many things. You can… tie your shoes, get dressed, walk and talk, all by yourself," he continues softly. "But… Historia’s still small. Daddy and I have to help her out with all that, so we have to spend a lot of time making sure she’s got the things she needs."

"… S-stupid baby," Gabi sniffles softly. Levi nearly chuckles.

"Y’know… Historia’s gonna get pretty tired of us old men pretty soon. Don’t you think so?"

Gabi ponders this. She shrugs.

"I think," Levi continues, nudging the girl off to cup her face, thumbing the tears away. "Historia’s getting pretty tired of the same old company. Three months old, and all she’s done is hang out with me and daddy, two old farts."

At the iconic f word (the funniest word in the English vocabulary, as Gabi is concerned), the girl lets out a little giggle, and Levi smiles. They’re getting somewhere.

"Good thing she’s got such a fun big sister," he smiles, stroking a brown lock of hair back behind Gabi’s ear. "Remember how excited she gets when you and Mika play with her?"

"Y-yeah..."

"Mm. Historia loves you so much, and so do I. And daddy. More than anything."

Gabi looks at him, thinking. Eventually, she nods, and Levi sighs, pulls her in for another hug.

"Okay," he whispers. Holds her close for a few moments. "You’re right that we haven’t spent enough time together. I’m sorry about that," he mumbles into her hair. "We’ll change that. Tomorrow we’ll do something fun, just you and me. How’s that?"

Gabi nods as she pulls away, using the sleeve of her pyjamas to wipe a wet trickle of snot from her nose. Levi winces. "We can go to the duck pond," she suggests, the slightest glimpse of excitement evident in her voice.

"Good pick," he smiles. "And hey."

Gabi looks up at him expectantly. Her cheeks are still red and swollen with tears. Levi brushes his thumb over one of them, gently. "I want you to tell us about things like that. Don’t keep it in, even if it feels silly. We’re here to help you, y’know."

"... Mmhm. But… but papa, I wanna stay in you and daddy’s bed."

Oh. Well.

It’s cramped enough as it is with Mikasa on the bedroll, but how is Levi supposed to refuse after this fucking conversation?

And so he nods, takes his daughter by the hand to finally, finally go back to sleep. Mikasa is cuddled up in Erwin’s arms as they enter, and quietly, the two of them join in, Gabi nudged into the crook of Levi’s arm.

"Love you, papa," she whispers.

"I love you too."

"Sweet dreams."

Gee, you can tell she’s Erwin’s daughter. Levi chuckles.

"Mm. To you too, baby."

Levi’s blessed with about ten seconds of peace before the sheets shuffle again, and suddenly Gabi’s weight against his arm disappears. When he opens his eyes, he sees her working to step over him, and a frustrated groan tears from his throat.

"Gabi, get back-”

"I’m just gonna hug daddy!"

"Oh my g- No! Gabi, it’s four in the morning, get back here right-"

Mikasa lets out a sleepy grunt at the sudden kick to her stomach, and Gabi yelps. "Oops, sorry Mik- papa !"

Nope. Levi isn’t having it, he’s sacrificed enough sleep for tonight, and he yanks his daughter back over to where she’d been before. 

"Gabi, it’s the middle of the night. If you want to sleep here, you need to lay down, shut your eyes and-"

"I’m not sleepy!"

"What’s going on?" the sound of Erwin’s groggy voice as he stirs and sits up has Levi groaning. God-fucking damn it. At this point, every fucking person in this damn house has been up, and Levi doesn’t want to deal with it anymore. He mutters a string of curses under his breath.

"Daddy!"

"Mh… hey, honey. Levi, what…"

"Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. Everyone’s fucking waking up, and-"

"Language," Mikasa mutters, a habit she’s picked up from Erwin.

Erwin sighs as he sits up. "Gabi, go back to sleep, hm? Papa is tired."

"But I’m not tired."

Erwin stills, and Levi rubs his eyes. He’s aching to slip back to sleep at this point, lids heavy with exhaustion. They sit like that for a few long moments, until Gabi’s suddenly carried out of his arms. Levi opens his eyes to see Erwin shuffling over to the middle of the bed, Gabi giggly in his arms and Mikasa half-asleep at his side. As Erwin lays back down, he pulls their eldest in some more, to rest in the crook of his arm. Gabi’s placed on his chest, and before Levi registers it, he finds himself pulled down to lay in the crook of Erwin’s other arm.

"There. Everyone happy?"

Gabi nods enthusiastically. Levi melts into Erwin’s warmth. Mikasa says nothing.

"Good. Gabi, do you need a lullaby?"

"Yeah! Can- can you sing the Fortnite song?"

Erwin chuckles, low and warm. Levi rubs his nose against his chest, gently. If he had the energy, he’d squeeze his hand.

"I have a sneaking suspicion that one might have the opposite effect of a lullaby, darling. How about that song about the sun, from school?"

Levi smiles. God, he’s so patient and warm, even after having been pulled back awake in the middle of the night. Levi presses a kiss against his skin. Erwin reaches up to cuddle his hair.

Gabi must have nodded, because the next thing he knows Erwin is singing, low and slow as they all listen. Levi doesn’t even make it through the first verse.

9:28 AM

Levi stirs awake to the sounds of spring birds, the pins and needles roaring in his left arm. They must have moved somehow - Erwin’s big frame is pressed up against his back, and Gabi’s laid out in front of him, head resting on his arm. He sits up carefully to see Mikasa’s on her back, mouth half open, one leg draped over Erwin’s own, and arms at the sides of her head.

"Good morning, dearest."

Levi turns his head to catch a glance of his partner watching him, hair a mess and eyes low-lidded. He lays back down gently to face him. Closes his eyes as he relishes in the warmth of him, the sun outside. "Tired?" he mumbles, and Levi nods. "Yeah, fuck."

Erwin chuckles, brushes his thumb over Levi’s jaw, where the beginnings of a stubble can be felt. He leans in to kiss his forehead, and Levi sighs, content. "The girls are knocked out too. I can’t remember the last time we all slept this late."

"Mmh. Wh’time is it?"

"Nine thirty, ish."

Levi furrows his brows, looks up at Erwin again. He can’t remember the last time he slept in properly. "Historia?" he asks, lazily draping his arm around Erwin’s chest.

"She’s alright. I checked on her this morning, gave her a bottle."

"Mm."

Erwin chuckles again, and Levi basks in it as it reverberates through his chest. He presses a kiss against the wiry, blonde hair on his chest.

"Lullaby at four in the morning, huh? Impressive, Smith."

Erwin hums, the brush of his fingers through Levi’s hair sending jolts of tingles down his back.

"You’d know."

Levi raises an eyebrow, looks up at him. "Huh?" He finds Erwin looking at him fondly, lips curled up in a faint smile.

"The baby caller was on all night, love. I can’t believe you won’t let me sit with you when you sing to the baby."

It takes Levi a while before he understands what the hell Erwin’s talking about. But hits him suddenly - he’d sung Historia back to sleep last night, the tiredness making him forget to turn off the small device they keep on Erwin’s bedside table. Levi rolls his eyes, still slightly tense with embarrassment. If the girls request a lullaby, he’ll either kick Erwin out or have the blonde do it himself - even now, things like that feel intimate enough to make him uncomfortable for some reason. He scoffs. Rolls his eyes. "You’re a piece of shit."

Erwin doesn’t laugh this time. Instead, he pulls Levi closer, till his face is nudged into the curve of his neck. He kisses him gently there, in his hair, below his ear, his temple.

"I mean it," he mutters, thumb brushing meaningless patterns on Levi’s lower back. "I’m glad I heard. It reminded me of how lucky we all are to have you." Levi scoffs dismissively, although softer this time. "… Sentimental, are we?" he manages.

Erwin looks down at him. Fond, warm. "Quite," he says, and Levi says nothing. "... Really, Levi. I’m beyond grateful to have you in my life, in every way. It's important to me that you know that."

Levi says nothing. Noses against Erwin’s chest in wordless thanks, because he’s never been good with shit like this. Besides, it’s too early for sentimentalities. He feels Erwin press a kiss in his hair, and for a few minutes they just lie there, silently, basking in the warmth of the sun, the passing of time.

"I love you," Levi mumbles suddenly, once he’s mustered up the courage.

The sheets crinkle as Gabi shifts. A dog barks somewhere outside.

Erwin smiles.

"And I love you, Levi."

Chapter Text

The gate creaks open, and the clatter of hooves against meticulous cobblestone overpowers the groans of the wounded.

It marks the beginning of an unspoken ritual. An innate thing, never demanded or ordered, but understood and accepted. They’ll hang their heads in silence, in sorrow. Dress down to their nightshirts and brush their teeth. Wash their faces, their bodies, scrub their skin as if the calamities of the day will simply perish down the drain along with the blood, the sweat, the mud. For the older recruits, it’s become a thing of comfort. They’ve learned the hard way - horror must be faced head-on. Let the quiet engulf you, surrender to flashes of blood and screams and mangled corpses. How else will you keep moving? That’s not the case for the newer recruits, though.

Their minds are still clean, innocent - enough for their bodies to give in to tears, shivers, involuntary wails. It’s the realisation of it all, of how naive they must have been when they joined the Corps.

They’ve known this is an impossible battle - years of training and preparation has taught them as much. But it’s also fuelled them with an idea of a noble war, a David and Goliath-like battle they’ll surely see the end of. No, they don’t understand. Not until now. Not until they’ve lost a friend, heard their tortured wails as they’re torn to shreds, only to be left there, on the battle ground, to rot and remain and never be buried. And now, amongst sullen eyes and sunken heads, Erwin sits here. High and mighty up on his horse, and pathetically, unfairly alive. Once in the courtyard, Ewin gets off his horse. He turns to look over the crowd of soldiers, grip on his reins tightening at the sight of it. One girl has fallen over on the gravel, hands in her hair as she throws up. A boy cries as he carries his friend, whose clothes are far more red than they are brown or white. And then, amongst them all, Erwin’s gaze lands on sharp, dark eyes, covered in an absentminded haze.

Captain Levi. 

To anyone else, Levi looks calm where he sits, on top of his horse. No tears of discomfort, a little unfocused maybe, but nothing compared to the rest of them.

But Erwin knows better. Levi’s gaze is dead-set on his horse’s mane - you’d think he was trying to count each strand of it had it not been for how sullen and hollow his eyes are. His knuckles are white where he grasps the reins, skin pale and dull.

Erwin knows what Levi looks like when he’s calm. This isn’t it.

 "You heard yet?"

Erwin turns, blinking absentmindedly as Hanji approaches. "Whole squad died. Everyone but Jaeger."

Erwin’s brows knit together in a small frown as he turns back, barely catching a glimpse of Levi as he enters the barn. "His walking is off," he notes. "Is he injured?"

"Not that I know of," Hanji murmurs. "If he were, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t tell anyone."

Carefully, Erwin nods. That is true. Levi is stubborn, insistent to let resources be used on other people to the point where it borders on self-neglect. Once, Erwin called a meeting in which Levi shifted uncomfortably every thirty seconds. He’d dismissed the others, and after countless protests, Levi had revealed the deeply bruised skin under his shirt.

That had been when they were closer. Back when they were awkwardly dancing around each other like two flustered school boys, and Levi had held Erwin’s hand under the sheets in the infirmary. There’s not much you can do about broken ribs, but Erwin had insisted on bed rest, and somewhere along the line, under dim lights and the haze of whiskey, Erwin had kissed him. What started as chaste quickly turned into something fuelled by lust, and Erwin had relished in the sounds he’d never dreamed his Captain could make. It had all gone south from there, of course.

Erwin had woken up the next morning, naked and confused with Levi beside him, and in a still-drunk haze, he’d blurted something about a mistake and a bad idea.

They've stuck to professionalism since. "I want reports from each of your squads by tomorrow," Erwin says now, shaking the thought. "On my desk by 9:30, at 10 we’ll have a briefing. You, me, Levi and Miche."

Hanji nods and Erwin turns, moving toward the barn with his horse right behind. He finds himself approaching with purpose, fuelled by far more than the want to untack his horse, but he tries to ignore it. This becomes a challenge when Erwin does enter, boots clicking over hay-covered concrete to see cadets, but no captain, and his heart sinks a little. He shakes the thought quickly.

"Arlert," he says, and the blonde turns, salutes, reins still in hand.

"Commander!"

"At ease. Where is Captain Levi?"

Arlert shifts his gaze sheepishly as he lowers his fist. "He… he went to his chambers, Sir."

Erwin raises an eyebrow. "Is he injured?"

The cadet behind him, who he recognises as none other than Eren Jaeger, steps forward. "His foot, Sir. He was hurt during the retreat."

Damn it. Levi always undermines his own injuries, and if it’s bad enough for him to /admit,/ it can’t be good. "And he went to his chambers? Not the infirmary?"

"I… I tried to accompany him, Sir, but he wouldn’t let me. He said he wanted the critically injured to get treatment first."

Of course he did. Erwin nearly sighs, but doesn’t for the sake of the cadets. For a moment, he’s quiet. "Untack the horses, mine included. Check up on the wounded and take them to the medics once you’re done."

"Yes, Sir!"

With pathetic hurry, Erwin makes his way across the courtyard, approaches the West-wing and makes a right, towards the private quarters of the superior officers. It’s a short walk, really, and he expects to find the Captain already in his room, proven wrong as a shaky breath comes from the stairwell. There Levi is, hunched over the railing, brows knit together and eyes squeezed shut. Erwin hears him curse under his breath, voice in a trembling whisper. "Levi."

Levi’s breath hitches as he turns toward him, eyes locking onto Erwin’s own quick and sharp.

"Levi, your leg. You need to go see-"

"I’m fine," he bites back, clearly hoping the remark will carry some bite, but it comes out weak and unconvincing. Erwin grabs onto the railing, marches up the stairs two steps at a time. "I said I’m /fine,/" Levi protests, holding a hand out to keep his distance.

"No. I’m taking you to the infirmary."

At that, Levi rolls his eyes, turns to resume his antagonising pursuit of his room.

"Levi, stop. That’s an order."

Levi freezes where he’s stood. Looks up toward the hallway, fists tight, as if he’s contemplating. It only takes him a second to surrender to command, though - he lowers his head, releases his grip on the railing. Erwin sighs. He approaches carefully, feels Levi tense beneath his touch when Erwin’s hand grabs his shoulder. "Sit," he prompts softly.

"That an order too, Commander?" Levi asks. There’s venom in his voice. Erwin says nothing, waits for his stubbornness to pass. It takes longer this time, but Levi sits down, eyes fixated on the wooden boards beneath the railing. Erwin can’t help but let out a small sigh of relief. Levi’s prone to put up quite the fight to get what he wants, to the point where his stubbornness boarders on that of a child, but this time, the pain must be greater than his pride. Erwin sits down carefully, and Levi flinches as he pulls his boot off. He tries to be gentle, but it’s difficult, and once the boot is off, Erwin understands why.

Levi’s ankle is swollen, pale skin stained a deep blue, purple, yellow. Erwin’s seen enough injuries over the years to know this isn’t just a sprain, the case of a wrongly calculated step or a slight wobble of feet - Levi’s ankle is broken. This is extreme, even for Levi. He’s too selfless for his own good, but he’s not stupid - how could he be this careless?

"I’m taking you to see a medic."

Levi snorts. Rolls his eyes again, but hisses through his teeth when Erwin’s fingers touch his foot carefully. "You taking everyone to the infirmary personally?"

Erwin looks up at him. Levi’s brows are knit together, gaze fixated on the hem of his jacket.

"No," Erwin says carefully. Rests his hands on Levi’s knees, an action that once felt so natural. Now it feels strange, confusing, like losing your train of thought or forgetting how a word is spelled. Levi looks up at him now. His eyes are still, calculating. As if Erwin’s a riddle to be solved, a knot to untie. It reminds him of that first night, when Levi had been beside him, scanning his face for traces of want, of adoration. Before he can think, Erwin reaches his hand up. His fingers graze along Levi’s jaw, soft and careful as he looks at him, and Erwin hopes Levi can see it: the want, the adoration that never left. But the Captain furrows his brows. Turns his head, reaches for the railing.

"No."

"Levi…"

"No."

Levi tries to stifle the trembling hitch that tears from his throat as he stands, leaning on the railing.

"Quit being stubborn. For once, quit it. Prioritise yourself," Erwin says, leans over to grab Levi’s hand again. But this time, Levi slaps his hand off. "Don’t you fucking /touch/ me," he hisses. "You don’t get to do that. Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"I never said-"

"Go feed that noble bullshit to someone who’ll buy it. The kids who lost an arm or a leg today would be a good fucking start."

"Levi. I know things are awkward. But I still care for-"

"Oh, fuck off!" Levi turns back to face him now, face twisted in a sharp, genuine anger reserved for… hurt, for upset. Real upset.

"I’m the last fucking person you should care about right now! Maybe start with the fucking death certificates, Erwin, cause there should be fucking plenty . Least we could fucking do, seeing as their families won’t even have bodies to bury."

At Erwin tenses. The knot of guilt grows tighter around his chest, and for a moment, all he can manage is stare at his Captain. A few, tense moments pass. The silence is thick and heavy, and eventually, Erwin lowers his gaze.

"… My apologies, Captain," he says. "You’re dismissed."

That night, Erwin signs the death certificates. He forces himself to take his time; to make note of every name, to move his quill with care, purpose, even when his lids are heavy with sleep and exhaustion. Sometime past midnight, Hanji brings the paperwork he asked for. They’ve brought Mike’s too, and Erwin asks if they’ve heard from Levi. Hanji hasn’t.

Erwin’s conflicted. Based on their earlier encounter, Levi clearly needs distance. The question is to what extent that need is reserved for Erwin only. But who could blame him? Erwin had cared for him, brought food and water and fresh linens - a sort of care the Captain rarely receives. Then he had kissed him, slept with him, and ran off the minute they woke up. He’s such an idiot.

Finally, finally , he’d earned Levi’s trust, not just the Captain, no - Levi’s trust, proceeding to break it for… what? A quickie in his bed chambers?

They hadn’t even talked about it after. Erwin thinks back on what the Captain had said earlier.

Who the fuck do you think you are?

It’s a fair question. More than fair. Erwin has  hurt Levi enough as it is - who the hell is he to run back now? Who is he to pretend he cares? 

… No, not pretend. It hadn’t been pretend. But why had he put Levi in that position when he clearly didn’t want to?

"Hanji," he says, just as the brunette turns to go. "Will you check up on Levi before you sleep?"

"Levi? Yeah, sure! Missing his papers?"

Erwin clears his throat. "Yes."

Quickly, Hanji nods. "Alrighty! Chasing that up right now. Night, Erwin!"

"Good night, Hanji."

He doesn’t hear from Hanji nor Levi that night. 

The next day, Erwin sits by his office desk. It’s 9:29, and Levi still hasn’t come to hand his papers in, nor has Hanji brought them on his behalf. 

Erwin shifts uncomfortably where he sits. Tries to focus on making out Hanji’s handwriting. But it’s tricky, not because of their handwriting - no. Well, partly. But he finds himself just staring blankly, eyes moving along the black pen strokes. Can’t get himself to read, to distinguish the ts from the fs from the rs.

9:30.

He’ll wait some more.

9:35.

9:41

9:43. By 9:49, the slight discomfort in Erwin’s stomach has flared up into a roaring pit of worry, and by 9:51 he’s had enough. "Hanji!" he calls, voice overpowered by the hollow knocks against the thick wooden door. "Hanji, open!"

He’s greeted by a half-dressed, messy-haired thing, brown eyes wide with confusion. "Gee, you’re loud. I thought the meeting was at ten?"

"Did you speak to Levi yesterday?"

His voice is stern, stable. Unrevealing of the worry within him, covered by the cold mask of Commander. Hanji yawns. "Yup! He’s tired, said he’d get you the paperwork by 9:30, like you said."

Oh.

Maybe Erwin did overreact after all. Maybe Levi just got tired, decided to head to the infirmary and got late. Yeah. He’s a man of rationality, despite his curtness, and it’s not like he’d think Erwin would make a huge deal out of late paperwork. No, this might even be a vague form of payback, an attempt to annoy him. Or… could it? If Levi wanted distance, he wouldn’t draw more attention to himself like this, right? Then, he supposes he’s just late. He’s been late before, and didn’t bother to tell anyone - sometime before Erwin was made Commander. Levi doesn’t know it, but his tardiness, along with the attitude he’d had when he did eventually show up, had been enough for the superior officers to discuss his suspension.

It was Erwin who had talked them out of it. 

He’s a strange man, Levi. Strange, but not stupid, nor self-destructive. He’ll have a reasonable excuse. He knocks hard, three times. "Levi. Your paperwork was due 25 minutes ago."

There’s a sound of fabric being shuffled, a light click, distantly. A few seconds of silence. "Uh. Yeah, come in."

When Erwin enters, he can’t see Levi. Figuring he’s in the washroom, he simply kicks his shoes off. Levi is meticulous about hygiene, especially in his own space, and he had no wish to piss the man off any further. But as Erwin makes his way into Levi’s room now, he’s met with something… unexpected.

Erwin blinks a few times, absentmindedly as he notes the crumbled up dress shirt on Levi’s desk. His boots are by the bed, on the floor, one of them kicked over, dirt and grass still caught between the imprints on his soles. "It’s on the desk," he hears, and follows the sound to Levi’s bed. The Captain is sat there, under the sheets. By the looks of it he’s only just woken up. His hair is still messy, eyes slack and sullen with exhaustion, and Erwin’s brows furrow. Late paperwork, sure. Late to the meeting as well, fine, by a few minutes. But the fact that Levi’s not bothered to warn him, the fact that there seems to be no /reason/ for him to be late - that’s an issue. Levi’s voice had been flat, void of effort when he spoke, not quite tired but… quite full, either.

He’s not making any moves to get up, it seems, although that might be solely because of Erwin’s presence. It’s one thing to be exposed to one another along with their fellow officers in the warmth of the communal showers, another to get up naked and dress with Erwin in his private chambers - especially because of their history. He can be quite shy, really. 

Erwin walks over to the desk now. Flicks through the bundle of papers there, counting the pages carefully. Hums contently when he finds all pages filled out, collects them by gently tapping their bottoms against the wood of the desk two times. It’s only then he catches sight of something gleaming and silver in the corner of his eye. It’s a flask, he realises, tipped over to its side, lid screwed shut. Spots the teacup next to it, a ring of dark liquid still tainting its bottom. Again, Levi is… particular about mess. Clutter, stains, bacteria, dirt - he can’t relax at the thought of it, most of the regiment knows that by now, far too well.

When two cadets came down with a stomach bug some months ago, Levi had scrubbed and washed till every wooden surface was close to soggy in fear of a possible outbreak. His quill is laid on the desk too, the wood beneath it spotted black with ink. Confused, Erwin sets it back in his holder. He looks back at the papers in his hand. At the front page, glances over it quickly. ‘Record of Death, Petra Ral.’

Erwin clears his throat. Nods.

"… Good work, Captain."

Wordlessly, Levi nods. Erwin tucks the papers beneath his arm. Moves toward the door again. Grasps the handle, pauses to drag his thumb across it.

"Captain."

Levi’s sheets crumble some. "Yeah?"

Erwin turns, threads his fingers through his hair. "How’s your leg?"

Levi shrugs. His eyes are fixated on the window to his left, at the passing clouds and rain. "Hurts like shit. But it’s fine."

Erwin’s brows furrow. Quickly, he glances over at the mantel clock on Levi’s desk. 9:57. "Does that mean you’re planning on getting up, then?" he asks. "You do have a mandatory meeting in a few minutes, as I’m sure you know."

Levi scoffs. "I’m late once every year or so. Think you can look past that this time, Commander?"

Their eyes meet. Levi’s are sharp. The gleam in them is piercing. They carry a warning. A challenge. ‘Go on,’ they say. ‘Go on, try being the fucking Commander in here. See how that works out. I dare you.’ 

Erwin’s well acquainted with that look. He’d seen it the day he met him, and most weeks ever since. But somehow, it’s different this time. Because Levi’s eyes are sullen and hazy, possessed by some kind of vast hollow, the underside of them framed by dark purple. "… Levi. Have you slept?"

Levi scoffs. He turns his head carefully, looks at his hand. Erwin knits his brows together. "I can’t tell if that’s a ‘yes’ or a ‘no,’ Captain."

Averted gaze despite, Erwin can tell Levi’s rolling his eyes. "Yeah."

"For how long?"

"Long enough for me to function throughout the day, Commander ."

Levi’s rubbing his face. Palms at his eyes as he speaks. His hair looks different, Erwin realises. There’s more texture to it, somehow. The strands are more defined, streaky. Greasy. "Have you bathed?"

At that, Levi snaps back up, dark eyes working hard to focus, to catch Erwin’s own in a threatening stare. "What’s up your ass ? No, I haven’t, s’that a… a fuckin’ problem? Need me to look all dainty for… for the meeting?"

He pauses to swallow, as if to coat his dry throat. Shakes his head some, blinking absentmindedly through the thick haze covering his eyes. "F…fuck off."

Levi’s words are slurred, the ends of them shaved off by a daze, an airiness, and Erwin feels the hairs on his neck rise on end with a slight shiver of uncomfortable realisation. Quickly, he steps back inside to look closer. At Levi’s desk, the tea cups. Back to the man in bed.

"... Are you drunk right now?"

Levi seems taken aback for a second, before he stills back into sternness. He says nothing. Erwin watches him, and he realises he’s watching something absent - Levi’s eyes are glossy, lazily drifting before snapping back on Erwin’s own in a… frankly admirable attempt to maintain eye contact.

Levi never gets drunk. Ever. No matter how many glasses of wine are forced upon him at banquets, no matter how many pints of lager Hanji buys him down at the mess. Never. "How much have you had?" Erwin asks, abandoning his own superiority for a second. "Levi, you never- how much did you drink?"

Levi raises his hand, sighs like a moody teenager dismisses their parents when scolded. He rubs at his eye. "Just a tiny fuckin’ bit, Erwin. But I’ll go to your …y.. the precious fuckin- shittin’ meeting, just leave so I can put my fuckin’ pants on."

"And just how are you planning to bathe, shave, brush your teeth and dress in… what, one minut-”

"I don’t know! Okay!?" Levi yells suddenly, leaning forward to grasp at the sheets. He looks angry, eyes suddenly gaining some focus, before he squeezes them shut again. "I don’t know! I’ll be late, I don’t fucking care, fuck off, just go, I’ll be there, just-" Levi interrupts himself when a mix of a hiccup and a hitch spills from his throat. He lowers his head. "Just go."

For a moment, Erwin simply stands there silently. It’s a tense and heavy thing, the only sound present the tick of the mantle clock behind him. Levi’s grasping at the sheets, knuckles white and tight, and barely, Erwin glimpses his fingers. They’re red, he sees, scratched. The nails are bitten down, the thin skin on their sides pulled back, blood drying in the crevice there.

" …Levi ," he says, voice soft and slightly breathless as he moves forward to look closer. He notices Levi tense as he crouches down by the bed to inspect, making no move to touch. Yet, at least. "… Levi, what did you do?"

"Shut up," Levi whispers. "Shut up, leave."

Erwin’s stomach twist, swells with worry or guilt or both or loss, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t fucking know, because this isn’t right , Levi isn’t like this, he’s strong-willed and he’s powerful, but now he’s drunk and messy and he’s got red fingers, and Erwin doesn’t know what the fuck to make of this, what to do, how to act. The ticks of the clock feel deafening in volume, and Erwin can feel his heart slam against the back of his ribs. Levi’s eyes are still closed, and he sees his lip tremble before raw, redded fingers shoot up to cover it. Erwin decides.

"… I’m not letting you go to the meeting today. Alright?"

Levi shakes his head. Scoffs. "M’not a kid. I’m going," he mutters quietly, fighting to keep stable. Erwin shakes his head, even though the Captain can’t see it. "That isn’t an option. You are to wait here until I’ve informed the others."

Levi looks up from scratched fingers, eyes slightly wide. "No, Erwin-"

"This isn’t negotiable. You’ve fallen sick and can’t attend. Is that understood?"

For a moment, Levi says nothing. Retreats back to the safety of his hands, pulls at the sides of his own hair. "Y’re a fuckin’ bastard," he whispers. Erwin doesn’t answer. Eventually, Levi nods.

"Alright," Erwin whispers. He stands back up. He wants to squeeze Levi’s shoulder, to hug him or stroke his skin, to comfort, to soothe, but he can’t, he’s lost that privilege. So instead he turns, puts his boots back on before marching back out. It’s 10:05, and on his way, Erwin changes his mind.
Once he enters, he doesn’t tell Hanji and Mike about Levi, nor does he conjure up a fake illness to cover for him. Instead he instructs them to send off the death certificates, that the meeting will take place tomorrow instead. They both accept this with ease, no prying questions or suspicions.

He grabs his paperwork on his way back, as well as a small container from his bathroom drawer, and when he enters Levi’s room again, he puts the papers on his desk and the container in his pocket. Levi’s still sat in bed, eyes blank and fixated on the sheets. He doesn’t tense or shift when Erwin approaches, but the blonde still tries to do so carefully, tentatively as he sits down on Levi’s bedside.

"… Is this alright? Or would you like me to get a chair?"

Levi doesn’t shift his gaze. "… You’ll miss the meeting," he mutters.

"Ah." Erwin tries, smiling faintly. "Conveniently, it’s been postponed. How about that?"

One of the corners of Levi’s lips twitches up into a momentary smile - a small success. Erwin smiles, too. "Now, tell me. Would you like me to get a chair? It’s alright if you do."

A few seconds pass, and Levi shakes his head. "S’fine," he mutters. Erwin searches the little he can see of Levi’s face for any sign of a lie. But he finds none, and carefully, he pulls the container from his pocket. "Give me your hand, please."

Levi looks up at him then, sceptical before he spots the container in Erwin’s hand. He looks up at him with a raised brow.

"It’s salve. Made from nettles and ginger," Erwin says. He holds the box up to Levi’s face in case he wants to check for himself. But the shorter man doesn’t seem to fuss about it, and carefully, he stretches his arm out to present his fingers.

Erwin coats his fingers with the thick gel, gentle as he smoothes it over Levi’s reddened skin. The Captain flinches, hisses through his teeth at the contact. It must sting badly - this stuff is strong, but solid, and Erwin’s got no doubts it will be felt against the raw skin of Levi’s fingers.

"What happened?" he asks.

"Just… washin’ up,'' Levi replies quietly, and he tenses slightly as the gel touches his thumb. Erwin tries to make it soothing, gently circling the pad of his thumb as he rubs the gel in. "Washing up?" he asks. "Your skin is torn off. What did you wash up with?"

Levi watches Erwin’s thumb as it smoothes over his skin. He shakes his head. Doesn’t meet the Commander’s gaze, even when he stops rubbing. "Levi, I…"

Erwin sighs. Looks away for a second, turns away to coat his fingers with gel again. There’s still plenty left, it isn’t that, but Erwin is trying to muster up the right words, but it is as if he, Erwin, has been pushed away, replaced by Commander Erwin Smith, the one person Levi doesn’t need right now.

"You’re my captain," he settles on, and instantly regrets his own choice of words. It sounds more distant than what’s appropriate. "I can’t have my captain not care for himself."

"I am," Levi mumbles. "Didn’t mean to miss the meeting. Just overdid it with the fuckin’ drinks."

Distant claim, distant answer. They need to rid themselves of this frankly idiotic pretending, the pretending Erwin started, the one he simply can’t keep to, out of sheer selfishness. He looks back up at Levi now. Brings his hand back over his, gently. "… Nor can I see you not care for yourself, Levi."

At that, Levi seems to soften. He takes a deep breath, lowers his gaze. "S’just… felt dirty," he says.

Erwin nods. He knows that feeling well, they all do. "You wanted it all off, then?" Faintly, Levi nods. "Wasn’t thinkin’ right."

Erwin doesn’t make the mistake of asking what Levi was thinking of. He knows better than that, not to mention that he knows the answer, and to prompt him like that would border on patronising him. Levi sways gently, absentmindedly. Watches as the blonde keeps massaging the salve into his skin, as he soothes.

To Levi, comfort is a luxury best given in silence, and so Erwin says nothing at all, focuses on the task at hand. Once he’s done, he pulls back. Tells Levi to keep his hands still as he wipes his own on a nearby rag hanging on the wall. He wanders off to the bath, turns the tap and pours some of Levi’s bath oil in there for good measure, before he wanders back out to hang the shirt crumpled up on his chair, sets his boots back by the entrance. "Are you decent?" he asks, to which he’s offered a small ‘mhm.’ "How about your ankle? Can you walk to the washroom?"

Erwin doesn’t miss the way Levi tenses before he nods, and so obviously he spends the next few minutes convincing the man to show him before he gets up. Levi hasn’t gone to the infirmary, Erwin learns, nor has he had a medic come see him. His ankle is swollen and blue, fully now, far worse than it had been yesterday. Erwin doesn’t notice the way his brows have turned up in an uncomfortable expression, lips parted in a mix of shock and worry, and gently, he lays a hand on Levi’s knee.

"… Levi," he says. "Levi, what is this? Why haven’t you gone for treatment?"

Again, Levi shakes his head. His eyes are shut, a gel-slicked hand lifted to grab a fistful of dark, greasy hair, as if it’s all too much, as if he’s overwhelmed, about to break, and Erwin sits back on his bedside. Carefully grasps Levi’s hand to pull it from his hair. "… I’ll take you to the bath, alright? After, I’ll get a medic."

Levi shakes his head again, face twisted in an expression that borders on pain, emotion he doesn’t have the words to express. He looks frustrated, as if he doesn’t want this, as if he’s lost. A broken ankle is practically a kiss on the cheek compared to what most endure whilst fighting titans, Erwin knows that. But this is something else, it’s more - it’s self-neglect and it’s something deeper, something complex and dark enough for his Captain to abandon his own rationality, his need to function. But Erwin doesn’t know what it is, and he’s lost, too - lost in the coiling nooks and crannies of Levi himself. "Yes," he counters softly. Levi shakes his head again. Gently, Erwin brings his fingers up under the shorter man’s chin. Nudges it upward, an encouragement of eye contact. " Yes ."

It isn’t a command. It’s a reassurance. Levi can tell, he thinks, because he seems to tense, eyes suddenly blank with emotion threatening to spill down his cheeks, and when he finally, finally hitches, it’s like watching a dam open. Levi’s shoulders are shaking, eyes shut as he desperately cling to his composure, his dignity. Erwin lets him, watching as he fights and fights and suddenly breaks, no longer stifling the sobs tearing from his throat. Without thinking, Erwin lifts his hand, places it gently on the back of Levi’s neck, and he feels the muscle beneath it tense.

"… Is this alright?"

Levi wipes at his eyes, one, two, three times, but he can’t seem to stop, and suddenly, he leans against Erwin, melts against his broad chest, unravels there with trembling sobs and hitches.

Erwin moves his hand from his neck to his hair, carefully threading his fingers through the dark strands. Levi’s shaking against him, and he doesn’t protest when Erwin brings his other arm around him, drawing gentle patterns against the skin of his back. He turns his head slightly to lean against Levi’s temple, where he whispers gentle reassurances and promises. They sit like that for a few minutes. Slow, warm minutes, that seem to last an eternity, yet they come to an end far too soon as Levi’s grip around Erwin’s neck grows slack. It makes Erwin slow the tickling of his Captain’s back, and as Levi pulls away, gaze lowered where he’s sat, cheeks swollen and red with tears. Erwin lowers the hand on Levi’s back carefully, pulls it back in case he needs space.

"M’sorry," Levi mumbles quietly. "I ain’t… ain't mean to…"

Levi is sobering up, Erwin thinks. He can tell by the way he draws back into himself, how he seems embarrassed and frustrated at his own feelings, suddenly so very small where he’s sat in between Erwin’s legs. Erwin shakes his head. Shoots him a smile he hopes is reassuring.

"There’s no need for apologies," he says. "I’ve filled the bath. Come here, I’ll help you."

Gaze still averted, Levi nods. Chokes down a sniffle before he takes Erwin’s hand. Their height difference makes it all quite awkward - he’s got Levi’s arm wrapped around his shoulder, as far as it will reach. Erwin’s own is around the Captain’s waist, and he hunches over awkwardly, offering a not-so-helpful help as Levi jumps on his good leg to the best of his ability.

The washroom is heavy and warm. The door has been closed, leaving the air to suck up the thick scent of lavender oil, the humidity of the water, and Erwin feels himself sweat as he enters.

He helps Levi lean against the bathtub.

It’s nothing he hasn’t seen before, but still, Erwin turns as the other man pulls down his briefs. Levi’s feeling vulnerable enough as it is - tired, hurt, drunk and injured - Levi’s dignity is hanging by a thread, and the least he can do is to grant him the kindness of not looking at his ass.

Erwin keeps his eyes on the washroom wall as he helps him into the tub, relieved as he hears a small, but very reassuring sigh of content. The blonde can’t help but smile, ever slightly, taking a few steps back before he looks at him. Levi’s got his head leaned against the back of the bath, eyes shut in what seems like contentment. "… I’ll go put your teacup away. Will you be alright on your own?"

"Yes, mom."

Levi’s voice is groggy and tired, but free of spite, and Erwin smiles. Levi doesn’t say anything else and so Erwin goes, snatches the teacup up by its handle. For good measure, he checks the sheets for any remaining rubbish. There, he finds two napkins, crumbled up and scattered with small flecks of blood. Erwin’s chest twists. It’s from Levi’s fingers, he realises, and he stuffs them in his back pocket as he lifts the pillow. There’s a metal scrub - the sort you’d use on stubborn bits of food sticking to plates, dry spots that won’t budge with ordinary sponges and rags. Erwin furrows his brows. Snatches it up, looks for any more. He can’t find any. Good.

He throws the scrub and the napkins away in a bin in the hallway. Walks over to the mess hall, leaves the cup in the pile the recruits take care of each morning. For good measure, he brings up a glass of water, a bit of bread and a red apple (‘the goddamn green ones are so fucking sour they might as well be painted lemons, Erwin’). 

"Levi?"

Erwin shuts the door with his foot before setting the food aside. A tired hum descends from behind the shut bathroom door. "Mm..."

"Tell me when you’re ready, I’ll help you out. Alright?"

"Mm..."

Over the next ten minutes, Erwin changes Levi’s sheets, cleans up the small bits of dirt left on the floor by Levi’s boots. Once that’s done, Erwin sits down by the desk, turns to his own paperwork. God knows there’s a lot to go through. A few reports done, and Erwin checks the time on the Captain’s mantle clock. Ten minutes, he’s been sitting here. Erwin taps his quill against the ink pot, the rhythm matches his bouncing leg.
Ten more minutes pass, then five more. Erwin’s getting worried. "Levi?" he calls once he’s at the door. A second of silence passes, then another, then three, four, five more. "Levi, I’m coming in."

The washroom is steamy and warm, but Erwin can glimpse a shadow of Levi’s head, his chest, non-moving over the edge of the tub. At first, Erwin thinks he’s fainted from the heat, but as he hurries over, he sees the Captain clutching at a bar of soap - gently resting it between his palm and his chest. Levi’s hair is still dry, eyes closed, breath calm and rhythmic. For a moment, all Erwin does is stare.

Levi looks beautiful. He looks younger like this -no, not younger - relaxed. There’s no stern wrinkle between his eyebrows, no piercing glares or pressed-together lips, and Erwin finds himself wondering how on earth the sight of this made him run off mere months before this. It feels like he’s looking at Levi - or, well, he is , but… well, this isn’t Captain Levi, humanity’s strongest soldier. 

It’s just Levi.

Erwin feels his chest swell with… pride? Luck? No, appreciation, that’s what it is. Warm appreciation in its purest form, just like it had been that night, when they’d kissed. Levi’s not a shy man, but he’s certainly not easy to get to know. There’s far more to the Captain than he likes to lead on. Erwin’s always known that, that Levi cares deeply for his friends, that he’s selfless, that in the midst of all this mess, he’s scared and ultimately alone. But Erwin hadn’t experienced that side of him until the night they’d spent together. He’d felt oddly appreciative then too, seeing Levi allow himself to unravel, to come undone. That takes a lot of trust, Erwin thinks.

He sits down now, carefully. Wants to brush Levi’s bangs back, but deems it inappropriate. Instead, he puts his hand over his, the skin of it warm against Levi’s damp hand.

"…Levi?" he asks gently.

Heavy lids flutter open in several slow intervals, like it’s a real struggle to pry them open. Erwin can see it the moment Levi shakes the remnants of sleep from his eyes, because something shifts in them, like he’s suddenly realising what’s going on. He sits up. "Fell asleep," he mumbles. His voice is deep and croaky.

Erwin smiles. "Are you alright?"

Levi nods. Erwin debates whether to leave or not - on one hand, he wouldn’t blame Levi if he needed privacy, but on the other, he’s a little worried about the heat considering the man’s current state. "Would you like me to wash your hair? It’s alright if you don’t."

For a long moment, Levi only sits still. A trickle of water rolls down his chest. He nods. Leans back just as wordlessly, hands Erwin the military rationed soap bar they’re given for hair and body wash. Levi’s still using these? That’s strange. Erwin should buy him a better one on his next visit to Mitras. What scent would he like? Bergamot, perhaps? No, something fainter, like fresh herbs or sandalwood.

As he daydreams, Erwin pours water over Levi’s hair, rubs his hands against the soap bar till his hands are covered in white foam. It smells… Well, it smells a bit cheap. Synthetic, perhaps? Or sterile. Yeah, he’ll definitely have to get Levi some proper soap. He uses his fingers to rub through black locks, massaging his scalp in slow, circular motions.

"… I don’t appreciate being pitied, y’know."

Torn from his thoughts once more, Erwin looks down. Levi’s shoulders are relaxed, head slightly askew. Erwin brings the small metal container back into the water to fill. Begins to clean the soap out.

"A commander cares for his captains."

Levi snorts. "That so? You gonna go wipe Hanji’s ass for them after this?"

Erwin doesn’t answer. Keeps rinsing. A few seconds pass. A few more. A minute or two.

"… I don’t give a shit that you regret it, Erwin," Levi mumbles suddenly, unexpectedly, and the taller man stills his movements. "But the way you went about it after was pretty fucking dumb."

Erwin lets out a small breath. Squeezes the metal box in his hand, careful. "The only thing I regret is that morning," he says. “Not what you and I did together. Never that."

Levi says nothing.

"I woke up and… well, I remembered, and it was as if someone had slung a fist to my face, if I’m honest." Erwin realises that’s the wrong thing to say almost immediately after saying it, but doesn’t manage to correct himself before Levi pulls away to avoid the touch of his hand.
"We were drunk," he mutters flatly. "It was a fucking mistake, big fucking deal. I don’t care, so you can take this pity guilt shit you’re on and stick it up your ass. I don’t need you. It was a mistake."

For some reason, Erwin loses his train of thought here. He sits there in slight wordlessness, hand hanging awkwardly over the tub’s edge. "... Do you think it was a mistake?"

Silence. A droplet from the faucet hits the water with a soft ‘plop.’ Erwin stares at Levi’s neck, the thin, dark hairs there.

"… That’s not fucking funny."

"No, but… well, I suppose I just got the impression that you’d… wanted to. For a while."

"So fucking what!?" Levi snaps his head back to face him, expression so very distant from the soft slack of sleep Erwin had seen earlier. "You think that’s an excuse to treat me like a kid? What, a heartbroken teenager or something? Offer me a charitable fuck because I said I’d wanted - that I had wanted something more? Ignore me like a fucking coward for weeks and then show up on your fucking high horse when I’m injured? Well, fuck you, fuck that, pity is the last thing I-"

"Levi-"

"- want from your sorry ass. And now you’re here ridiculing me because I may have fucking liked you once upon a fucking time? You’re a fucking asshole."

Levi closes his mouth, and his chest is heaving in quick motions. Erwin’s brows are furrowed, teeth clenched together.

"... No," he says eventually. "That night was more to me than that. I… didn’t realise it until then, until we… I- well, until we did what we did, and that realisation was … overwhelming. And I should have talked to you, I know that, God, I…" Erwin pauses. Takes a deep breath.

"Realise what ?" Levi asks sharply. Erwin lowers his gaze, rubs his face. "That I want you."

At that, Levi doesn’t say anything. Good, because Erwin isn’t interested in looking at him either. "I hurt you,” he continues. “I know that, and… I can’t do anything about the fact. But I am really, very sorry. You don’t have any reason to forgive me, and that’s not something I expect of you either, Levi. But I draw the line at you not taking care of yourself. Regardless of why."

Tense, long moments pass by, and eventually there’s the sound of light splashing, and Erwin’s fingers graze by Levi’s shoulders as the man leans back against the tub again. He grabs the blonde’s wrist, nudges it upwards. Erwin complies. Spends the next few minutes rinsing the man’s hair in silence. 

He helps Levi out of the water. Fetches the water, apple and bread, brings it to his bedside.

"Eat this, drink some water too. I’ll go get a doctor."

Erwin’s voice is close to a whisper. It’s insecure and slightly sheepish, and he clears his throat once he hears himself. Levi only nods. 

The hours pass by. The infirmary is busy, but Erwin manages to get a hold of a medic who accompanies him back to Levi’s bedchambers. She treats his ankle, places a wooden crutch against the wall. Three weeks recovery time. Shit. Levi lays down once she goes, but he doesn’t ask Erwin to leave, and so he doesn’t. He does paperwork while Levi sleeps, writes and writes until the sun shifts enough to peek through the window. Momentarily, Erwin closes his eyes to relish in the warmth. He sighs.

"… Was it a mistake? To you?"

His eyes snap back open, and he turns to find Levi watching him from beneath the blankets. A few seconds pass. Erwin shakes his head. Levi’s brows knit together as he contemplates. Eventually, he nods.

"… Was it a mistake to you?" Erwin asks carefully. 

Levi only looks at him for a few, intense moments, brow twitching as if there’s a raging war going on inside his head. Eventually, he shakes his head. 

"Then… or, well… What are your thoughts about it all now? If I may ask."

"I’m not the person who oughta be giving some fucking answers."

"No, you’re right about that. My apologies.” Erwin pauses to run his fingers through his hair. Cuts the action short once it dawns on him he must look like an idiot. "… Levi, I… I hope you can believe me when I say it meant more to me than you realise. More than I led on, I mean. I… it was… well, just a slight panic, one which still lingers in some ways. The way I felt about you, about what we did, it… well, it could be quite the hurtful thing, considering the risks we’re exposed to."

‘I’ll fall in love with you,’ is what Erwin means to say. ‘I’ll fall in love with you, and my life will go to shit.’
He can feel Levi look at him from where he’s laid. Can practically hear the gears grinding as he thinks. "… So you decided the best way to go about that was… making me believe you hated everything about it?"

Erwin smiles, faintly. Looks up at Levi. "A pretty lousy defence mechanism, isn’t it?"

Levi snorts. "Fucking idiot. Stick to battle logistics."

Erwin chuckles softly. Levi smiles, he thinks, but he’s hidden behind the sheets. 

"… I really am sorry, Levi. I’ve owed you that explanation since the minute I left. I’m sorry."

Levi nods. It seems sincere, and there are no swear words being thrown at him, and so Erwin hopes Levi can at least find comfort in his apology, though it’s diluted in meaning because of the time that’s passed. "Can your shit wait?" he asks suddenly. Erwin blinks, confused. "Your work shit," Levi clarifies.

Erwin glances over at his desk, at the papers scattered over it. He nods.

Gaze averted, Levi lifts his blanket and Erwin feels a hundred pounds drop off his shoulders like a pile of bricks.
He can feel Levi’s warmth when he lays down. Erwin doesn’t want to overstep, and makes no move to touch him, not until Levi turns back to face him, eyes fixated on his shirt collar. He’s slightly rosy cheeked, a dusk of embarrassment tainting the skin there, and Erwin tries his best not to smile. There’s an overpowering wave of relief, of happiness washing over him, and softly, he asks:

"Would it be alright if I touch you?"

Levi doesn’t hesitate, but he looks embarrassed as he nods. Carefully, Erwin moves closer, experimentally puts an arm over his waist. Levi shifts to meet him halfway, and after a minute or so, he feels the Captain’s tension melt away, body slack in Erwin’s arms. He tryingly strokes his back, slow and careful, closing his eyes when Levi leans his head against his chest. Confident he’s okay, Erwin shifts to move his other arm, to nudge it beneath him, gently shifting Levi to lay against his chest. Levi has no issue with this, it seems - he moves his foot (the good one) up to hook over Erwin’s legs, chin firm against his chest.

Erwin moves his hand up to the back of Levi’s neck. Squeezes gently, thumbs at the side of it with slow, warm strokes. Levi lets out a sigh, content. They lay there saying nothing for what must be half an hour at least, and though Erwin is tired, he can’t get himself to sleep. The sun is warming them up and Levi looks so at peace, still as he sleeps against his chest. It’s a sight worth memorising, and Erwin spends long studying it. Watches Levi’s eyelashes, short and dark and beautifully thick. The way his nose comes down in a slight slope, the way his cheekbones are prominent and high.

Erwin’s paperwork lingers in the back of his mind, but the warmth of Levi’s breath against his neck is keeping him grounded. The weight of his responsibilities swell with each glance at the mantel clock, though, and after about an hour of cuddling, Erwin decides he has to get up. He won’t have time to care for Levi if he’s up all night writing reports.

"Levi?"

Levi shifts slightly, and a content whimpering sort of sound spills from his lips as Erwin threads his fingers through his hair. "I’ve gotta look through some papers, alright? Keep sleeping."

He brushes his thumb along the shell of Levi’s ear, and the Captain noses against his neck, softly.

"… Stay."

Erwin’s eyes widen slightly. Stay?

His heart swells stupidly, and for a moment, Erwin wonders if this is some sadistic dream designed to get his hopes up. But he can feel his arm going numb under Levi’s weight, the thin trickle of drool from the corner of his mouth against his neck, and it isn’t a dream, it’s reality, and maybe it’s the beginning of a second chance. But although it’s incredibly endearing, Levi’s request is not easily fulfilled. Erwin’s got a heap of reports due soon, and no good will come out of delaying it.

"I’ll only be a while, alright?" he says, voice soft. "I’ll be right by your bed."

Levi can’t hear him, he thinks. He only lets out a small mewl, a mindless attempt to reply, and Erwin chuckles. Carefully, he slings his legs off the edge of the bed, supports Levi’s head as he nudges him off his chest, ever careful. Takes a moment to watch the man squirm before settling again, snug beneath the sheets. Had he been Levi’s lover, he’d dip down and kiss his cheek now. He imagines it for a second, warmth swelling within at the thought. Imagines it as a thing of normality.

Maybe they could retire together. Levi could open his tea shop, Erwin could pick up teaching. 

Maybe their mornings could be just like this. Levi murmuring something incoherent in his sleep as Erwin dips down to kiss him goodbye on the cheek. He could visit the teashop for lunch. Learn to clean like Levi does, the way he likes it. They could plant herbs for his tea, go hiking in the forests behind Elrich. A sharp gust of wind washes over the base, and Erwin’s torn from his daydreaming as the floorboards creak. He rubs his eyes. What a ridiculous dream. For the next hour and a half, Erwin writes. His wrist hurts and the back of his hand is smudged with ink, but he gets a fair bit done. The sun is sinking, and for each time Erwin turns to look at his Captain, his pale skin seems to have grown more illuminated, magnificently basked in an orange, fiery blaze.

It’s a nice sight, and it keeps Erwin grounded, focused. He’s looking through Miche’s report of the mission when there’s a sudden shuffle of bedsheets, a groan and then a voice.

"You need to get a fucking hobby."

When Erwin turns, Levi’s propped up on his elbow, watching him. Erwin shoots him a small smile. "I play chess with you sometimes. You know this."

Levi rolls his eyes. An airy thud rings out as his head hits his pillow. "No wonder you’ve got no friends," he mumbles, and Erwin lets out a hearty laugh. "Well, someone has to oversee the reports around here, you know. If not, we’d have Mitras’ MPs knocking on our door."

"As if they’re stronger than the Corps. We could take ‘em," Levi mumbles as he watches the ceiling. His eyes are still sullen, exhausted, but it’s nearer Levi’s usual self than it is the hollow shell he was mere hours ago. It’s a nice sight. Erwin puts his quill - or no, Levi’s quill - back into the ink pot, pushes his papers back on the desk. Levi turns to look at him as he makes his way over, sit down at his bedside. "You believe in the Corps then? Hm?"

Levi rolls his eyes again. Lets out a dismissive ‘tsk.’

"Better than the money-hungry pigs up in Mitras," he says. Flinches ever slightly as Erwin brings his hand up, threads his fingers through black hair. It makes the blonde stop momentarily. "Sorry. Is this alright? I should have asked."

Levi shrugs. "S’fine."

Erwin nods. Finishes his hand’s gentle stroke through the Captain’s hair, before draws back again. "I’m just not used to you putting the Corps in such a positive light, that’s all," he continues. Levi hums dismissively. "I don’t like military pigs. That’s all."

"… And… you like us," Erwin smiles. Levi meets his gaze. Scoffs, though not as persistently as before. "Maybe."

"We like you too," the blonde says. "Very much."

That earns him another eyeroll. "You like humanity’s strongest. That’s what you like."

"… Or," Erwin says. Carefully, he puts his hand over Levi’s own. Thin scabs have begun to form over the skin of it. "Maybe we just like Levi."

The Captain doesn’t move. Simply holds his gaze on the sheets beneath himself. His hand shifts suddenly, turning to thread their fingers together wordlessly. Erwin strokes his thumb over Levi’s hand. Doesn’t want to make the next move, just in case. Levi’s a grown man, stronger than most men, in fact. But that doesn’t erase the possibility of him being uncomfortable, or perhaps not wanting to do… Well, whatever this is. But Levi shifts suddenly. Sits up again, carefully, inches in closer, stops again when Erwin turns to look at him. The gaze they share is something fierce, challenging. It addresses what they both know, far too well, something unspoken and undefined, something that’s been on the cusp of their lips for years. Erwin shifts too, closer, brings his free hand up to linger awkwardly in the air for a moment, before he musters the confidence to lay it over Levi’s cheek, the touch a soft contrast to their eye contact.

"… Tell me if you don’t want this, Levi."

But it seems Levi’s made up his mind. He leans forward quickly, bridges the gap between them to catch Erwin in a deep and searing kiss. 

It starts as something innocent, chaste. Experimental. As if this is the first time their lips have met, the first time they’ve touched each other like this. In some ways, Erwin thinks, it is the first time. That time months ago, when Levi had smelled of whiskey and cigarettes, they’d rushed it. Lust had overpowered them, enough for them to neglect the opportunity to explore each other. But Erwin does that now. Levi’s lips had been warm before too, but it’s only now Erwin notes just how soft they are. They’re supple, perfect, and briefly, Erwin is reminded of satin, of velvet, the kind worn by the noblewomen of Mitras.

He doesn’t notice that he’s put his hand over the back of Levi’s neck. Not until his fingers graze over the fine, thin hairs there. They tickle his skin as they move beneath Erwin’s fingers, and Levi lets out a soft sigh. And fuck, he sounds so content, so beautiful and relaxed, and in hopes to hear it one more time, Erwin pulls the man in even more, wraps his other arm around Levi’s waist. Levi has no issues with this, it seems. He reaches out, too, one hand rubbing at Erwin’s chest, over his pectorals, the other resting softly on his hip.

Levi must want to take things slow too, Erwin thinks, because even as he glides his tongue across the blonde’s lower lip, opens his mouth to allow Erwin to do the same, it’s a thing of gentle care, not rush. But then, maybe he doesn’t, because as Erwin leans over him, gently pushing Levi’s back to rest against the mattress, he hooks both arms around the larger man’s neck. "Kiss me," he begs, breathless against Erwin’s lips. "Kiss me properly, fuck."

There’s wanton desperation in Levi’s voice as he presses his lips back on Erwin, the sound of it sending sparks flying in his lower stomach. The Captain doesn’t need to do more for him to comply, and Erwin groans as he pushes his tongue against Levi’s own. He’s rewarded with a moan, surrender, and Erwin takes control of his mouth, lets him lick and suck and dominate his mouth. It feels good . Electrifying. Levi is squirming and mewling beneath him, hands tugging his shirt out from where they’re tucked into his pants, allowing him to roam over the warm skin beneath it. Levi’s fingers are intoxicating. They brush over his abs, his chest, his sides, and Erwin nearly loses himself to the feeling of it. He only comes to his senses when he feels Levi roll his hips, hard and fast to rut against Erwin’s thigh.

“Hey now," he chuckles. Pushes Levi’s hips down against the bedroll. "Slow."

Levi’s cheeks are flushed red where he lay beneath him. He hasn’t combed his hair after his bath, and it’s dried to stick up and out in all kinds of directions. And fuck, it’s gonna be even messier once Erwin’s done with him. He wants them to go slow, yes. But that doesn’t mean he can’t mess Levi up in the most beautiful way, to have him eager and pleading as he cums on Erwin’s cock. 

"Fuck that," Levi gasps. "Fuck you. Fuck me now, do it."

So crude.

Even now, when his forehead is glistening in the low lamplight, when his cheeks are red, blotchy, his legs spread. Still so crude. Erwin hums, endeared. If Levi thinks his usual curtness will speed things along, he’s sorely mistaken - if anything, this has only egged on Erwin’s need to tease even more.

“Patience, Captain.”

He closes his eyes as he dips down again, this time leaving a trail of soft, wet kisses over Levi’s lips, his cheek, his jaw. Slows once he’s at his neck, deciding to take his time there.

He’s mouthing at Levi’s throat like it’s something to be worshipped, tasting every crevice, every curve, as if to map the man out with his tongue alone. Levi seems to have no issue with this - he’s breathing like a madman above him, hands desperately clutched at Erwin’s back, a reaction which only makes the hot embers in the blonde’s lower belly crackle and turn even more.

This is just about the only sort of attention Levi enjoys, and Erwin has absolutely no issue being the one who provides it. In fact, he’d quite like to be the only one who provides it - for Levi to show this side of himself to Erwin, and only Erwin. The thought is a possessive one, but he… Well, he can’t really help it, not when Levi is moaning into Erwin’s hair, when he instinctively lowers his voice at each little slip of the Commander’s name.

"I didn’t think I’d get to touch you like this again, Levi," Erwin says now, lips brushing against Levi’s neck with each word. "God, you haven’t got the faintest idea of how much I’ve longed for it."

Levi squirms beneath him. Momentarily, his grip on Erwin’s hair loosens to push down on the back of his neck instead, as if to urge him to keep going. It seems subconscious, really, because he speaks a second later, trembling: "Sh-shoulda just fuckin done it.”

"I should have talked to you," Erwin corrects. Draws small circles over Levi’s shoulder with his thumb as he turns his attention on the Captain’s collarbone, his chest. “You deserve an explanation, and an apology. And you deserve to be taken care of properly.”

He abandons his explanation momentarily, taking Levi’s nipple in his mouth - gives it a firm suck before circling his tongue around the hard skin, and Levi gasps, arches his back up into Erwin’s mouth. “Fuck!”

Pleased, Erwin hums. “You like that?”

Levi’s answer is a wordless one - his hips buck up again, desperate in his need for friction, for anything, and Erwin spares no moment to dip down again, biting the pert bud gently, twisting the other between his fingers. “N-ngh, ah! Fuck, Erwin, yes-”

Levi’s sensitive. Did they do this last time? No, they couldn’t have - Erwin would have remembered, because the sight of it is absolutely unforgettable - the shorter man’s cheeks are red and flushed, eyes squeezed shut and brows turned up in an unmistakable expression of pure pleasure. Fuck, they haven’t even started, and Erwin can already feel his cock straining against the fabric of his pants.

“I told you,” he says, voice low. Squeezes Levi’s other nipple between his fingers. “It pays off, doing it the right way.”

"The right way?" Levi breathes. His grip around Erwin’s neck loosens, and he brings one hand up to wipe the sweat off his forehead. "S’just sex. Ain’t that many fucking ways to do it."

At first, Erwin thinks he’s joking. Or perhaps it’s one of Levi’s many attempts to distance himself - to appear careless, untouchable. He isn’t, Erwin’s known that from the day they met, but the rest of the Corps - hell, the rest of the world seems to have bought it. Then again, they haven’t seen Humanity’s Strongest like this.

Erwin chuckles, brushes his hair out of his eyes. Rises again to lay back against the pillows so they’re face to face. He doesn’t want this to be another meaningless fuck - he wants this to be something proper, and if Levi’s confused about what it is they’re actually doing, he’d rather explain. He wants to unravel him slowly, maybe even to have it mean something, not necessarily a thing of romance, but of care, at the very least.

And you can’t very well do so if you’re busy explaining the colourful range of sex-variants.

"We rushed it last, and I’d rather you have me properly this time. Wouldn’t you agree?"

Levi cocks a brow. "W-what'd ya mean ‘properly?’ We did it properly.” His eyes flutter ever softly as Erwin brushes his finger over his neck, careful. “You put your cock in me and we both came."

Erwin isn’t very surprised at that. He knows a bit about Levi’s previous partners - a rowdy drunkard in an underground bar, a quickie in the barracks after his first expedition. Both of those, to the extent of Erwin’s knowledge, at least, had been lustful exchanges with no other purpose than to release some pent up frustration.
Besides, Levi just doesn’t strike him as type to think to engage in tender sex anyways. He’s so impatient, so crass, and Erwin wouldn’t be surprised in the least if the Captain’s view of sex had been molded by a string of rushing, desperate partners.

There’s nothing wrong with that, of course. Considering their occupation, it’s likely better to not get attached. Besides, rough and hard doesn’t equal bad - far from it. It’s quite nice when sex is. But he wants Levi to experience that deeper satisfaction of it, that pleasure that can be found in something thorough and slow.

"Mh, well," Erwin says now. Leans down to press a few gentle kisses along Levi’s jaw, beneath his ear. "It’s nice to take your time every once in a while." He gives Levi’s cock an experimental squeeze, and the first proper sound spills from the man’s throat. A groan, low and breathy, and he curls up against him, rolling his hips once more. Levi’s still naked from his bath, and Erwin can only dream of what the friction against his hand might feel like, but again - tonight isn’t about him. He presses a kiss to Levi’s temple.

They spend some time like that, and Erwin relishes in each moan, each sigh spilling from Levi’s lips. He’s got his face nudged into the crook of Erwin’s neck, gently rolling his hips into his fist, all while the blonde pets his hair, kisses his cheek, his temple, his neck, whispers soft words of praise in his hair. Still, it’s not long until Levi loses himself in his own pleasure, the roll of his hips quickening, jaw going slack. They can’t have that. Erwin releases his grip, and Levi whines.

“Erwin, nngh…”

“Not like this, Levi,” Erwin coos. Nudges him over on his back again as he pets his hair, dips down to kiss him gently. “I’ll take care of you. Where’s your oil?”

"Top drawer," Levi whispers. He sounds so needy Erwin almost feels sorry for the poor man, and he makes sure his journey over to Levi’s dresser is kept short. He stays there as he undoes his own pants, his shirt, smiling softly when he sees the shorter man looking over at him from the bed. Levi turns his head. But he reaches out for him when Erwin returns, when he lays back over him to kiss him sweetly.

Erwin sighs into his embrace as he unscrews the vial of oil he’s just retrieved, coating his fingers up nicely while they kiss. Levi groans as he nudges his fingers in between his asscheeks, rubs at his entrance carefully, massaging and prodding and rubbing.

Erwin smiles. Levi is aching for it, and fuck, what a sight it is - he’s squirming and moaning and pushing back in search of his fingers, gasping at each teasing push.

“None of that,” he whispers. Presses a gentle kiss against the corner of Levi’s lips. “I told you, I’ll take care of you.”

“F-fuck care, fuck you, fuck- just- just take me, take me now, I don’t- haah! Nngh!”

Levi gasps as Erwin pushes in slowly. Tilts his head back at the suddenness of it, gritting his teeth. The blonde makes sure to go slow, Levi’s protests aside, pushing in and out carefully, knowing he’s found a good spot when Levi tilts his head back in a silent, open-mouthed moan. He arches his back, chin clumsily hitting Erwin in the nose as he does. The shorter man doesn’t seem to notice this though - too lost in his own pleasure, much to Erwin’s delight.

“Alright? Tell me how it feels, darling,” Erwin murmurs, already knowing the answer.

“’Nother,” Levi gasps. He looks back up at him, face twisted with pleasure, a wanton plea that makes Erwin’s heart clench. “P-please, Erwin, another.”

How is he supposed to say no to that?

Levi melts into him with a satisfied sigh as Erwin dips down to kiss him again, pushes another finger in once he’s given the first a few thrusts in and out, just to be safe.

And Levi is putty in his hands as he fucks him with his fingers, scissoring and thrusting and curling up to prod against his prostate, unable to do anything but swallow up each satisfied moan with a range of deep, wanton kisses.

Levi straight out whines once Erwin adds a third, a few moments later. “Erwin, fuck, please…”

“What do you want?” Erwin asks, the thrust of his fingers kept slow, steady. “Tell me, Levi.”

Levi whines again, looks up at him through low-lidded eyes, covered by a wanton haze. “W-want you to fuck me,” he whispers. “Please, Erwin. I need… please.”

Fuck. Who knew humanity’s strongest could beg so well? Who knew he could lay here, squirming with flushed cheeks and needy eyes, hands clutching at Erwin’s neck like it’s keeping him from falling into insanity? And he’s looking up at him through lidded eyes and thick, dark eyelashes, pleading and begging for Erwin, for Erwin to take care of him, to fuck him, to put his cock in him, and fuck, finally, finally, Erwin can feel his patience reaching its end.

He kisses Levi deeply as he preps himself, clicking the vial of oil back open to coat himself generously. His hand is in Levi’s own as he lines himself up against his entrance, and he breaks away from the kiss to rub his nose against Levi’s, to rest his cheek against forehead momentarily. And when he pushes in, their groans merge together, wanton and breathy and satisfied.

“God, Levi…” Erwin is breathless where he lay above him, one hand firm against the back of Levi’s neck, the other clutching his hand. “G-god, you feel good.”

Levi doesn’t answer, and when Erwin looks back down at him, he’s squeezed his eyes shut, thin lips pressed together in what looks like a wince, and immediately, he slows. “Are you alright?” he asks, sounding far more airy and dazed than he intends. “Does it hurt?”

“N-no, shit. It feels good, just… just go slow.”

Erwin looks down at him. Scans his face for any sign of a lie, but finds none, and so he tightens his grip around Levi’s hand, lowering his other to give his cock a few strokes to ease the sting of the intrusion. Levi’s quite small and Erwin is quite big - to no fault of their own, but he can’t imagine the initial sting of his cock feels very nice. But jerking him off, a few whispers of praise and a small pause to add some more oil proves to do wonders, and when the burn of the intrusion melts into pleasure, the whole hallway can hear.

Levi’s jaw goes completely slack, brows turned up and hand shooting up to lay over his own mouth, just a second too late to stifle the loud and lewd moan that spills from his lips. “H-hah! Aah, fuck, yes !”

Erwin groans in response, airy and breathless, halters his movements as his pelvis presses up against Levi’s plush ass.

He leans over then, certain Levi needs some time to get used to the feeling of it, and he pants as he lays a few sloppy kisses over the man’s neck, his cheek, his forehead.

“M’ready,” Levi groans after a few moments, voice muffled by his own hand. “M-move, Erwin, give it to me.”

It takes quite a bit of willpower not to come from those words alone, even more to restrain himself from going absolutely ham on Levi’s ass. He lets out a quivering breath, tries to nod, though it looks more like an insane twitch than it does anything else. The oil squelches lewd and loud as Erwin begins to pull out and in again. He establishes a slow, shallow rhythm like that, and Levi’s arms shoot up to hug his neck as he gasps. “Nngh!”

“That’s it,” Erwin moans. His hands are desperately clutching at the headboard, anchoring him to sanity as he watches Levi squirm with awe, mustering all willpower to keep his pace slow and steady. “That’s it, Levi. How does it feel?“

Levi groans wanton and loud, and the blonde has to stifle a laugh when all he does is nod feverously. “S-so full,” he whispers. No, it’s closer to a fucking whimper, really, and Erwin finds himself wanting to kiss him again. “Y-your dick belongs on a fucking horse, I- aah !”

Pleased, Erwin hums as he fucks into him, still slow, cautious for the sake of comfort. Levi does feel good, he thinks, considering the way he’s rocking his hips up to meet him halfway, how sweet little moans are spilling from the cusp of his lips like a goddamn waterfall, but there’s no harm in making sure, right? He wants to hear Levi say it - both for confirmation, and for self-indulgence: the thought of hearing the other man moaning and gasping as he musters up the strength to tell him he feels good is just so, goddamn tempting, and teasing, Erwin brings a hand down to pinch at the man’s nipple again. “Tell me how it feels, baby.”

“Oh, f- Erwin ! Fuck, it- it’s so… oh, aah…”

Levi falls lax suddenly, head tilting back as Erwin apparently hits a particularly good angle - one he makes sure to repeat immediately. He’s rewarded with a string of mewls and moans. “Oh?” Erwin smiles, breathless. “Is that good?”

“Fuck, y-yeah… harder, g-go… go harder.”

True to his service top nature, Erwin obeys, pausing a short moment to press a kiss against Levi’s lips. The sound of his hips slapping against Levi’s ass echoes off the walls, mixed with the loud moan it coaxes out of the shorter man, and one of Erwin’s hands falls down to clutch at the side of his neck for levredge.

“ Nggh ! Like that! Y-yes, fuck , like- hh that!”

Erwin groans. His belly clenches at each wanton moan, each slap. And fuck, Levi is so fucking tight around him, so needy and sensitive and good, and Erwin’s head drops down to rest against Levi’s shoulder as he fucks into him faster, harder.

Levi’s hands are roaming over his broad back in mindless desperation, nails digging into his skin whenever Erwin hits a particularly good spot. “Oh! Oh, fuck, Erwin! Th-there, please- pl- please !”

How can he refuse to do exactly as he’s told? When Levi is begging so beautifully, so obediently? When his cheeks and ears are flushed with red, wanton excitement, when he looks up at Erwin through dark, low-lidded eyes? Erwin lets out a moan, nuzzling the crook of Levi’s neck as he keeps going, pressing sporadic, wet kisses against sweaty skin.

“Y-you’re so - fuck - so fucking beautiful,” he groans, grabs a fistful of dark hair as he moves, and Levi moans at the endearment. He pulls him down then, and Erwin is more than happy to oblige: he dips down to kiss him feverishly, yet soft, deep, wet, subconsciously slowing his own thrusts as he does.

“So beautiful ,” he repeats, whispering.

It makes Levi whimper against his lips, a mixture of need and of shyness, perhaps, as if he’s embarrassed. But Erwin can’t help himself - it’s true, after all, and he looks down at the man beneath him as they move together. He has half a mind to pick up the pace again, but finds himself enjoying it like this, too - slow, soft. Wasn’t that what he’d wanted, anyways? Levi doesn’t seem to have any complaints - he’s whimpering as he rolls his own hips to meet him, eyes squeezed shut.

Ah.

They can’t have that.

“Look at me,” Erwin whispers breathily. Threads his fingers through sweaty, black strands, rubs at his scalp. “Levi, look at me.”

It takes Levi a few moments to oblige. It’s a strange thing, really, he’s here, beneath him, naked and moaning, yet it’s eye contact , facing what they’re doing together that makes Levi draw the line.

Perhaps it’s the fear of making it real, of making this a thing of intimacy rather than something to get his mind off things - Levi’s not a shy man in most departments, but he doesn’t exactly wear his heart on his sleeve. It’s easy to undress, to push and pull and moan and lose oneself to pleasure, but to face it as what it is, the intimacy of it, it’s a scary thing. Hell, who is Erwin to judge? Isn’t that exactly why he’d left last time? Out of fear that it would turn into something real?

“Look at me, baby,” he repeats. Cups Levi’s cheek as he does, moves in slow, dragging motions.

Levi doesn’t say anything as he opens his eyes. Looks up at Erwin, jaw slack as he pants, pants which quickly turn into soft, desperate mewls once their eyes meet. “M-mh, f- oh…”

“ That’s it,” Erwin praises. Threads his fingers through his hair again for reasons he doesn’t understand. Maybe comfort, maybe… no, he won’t go there. Not yet. “That’s it, baby. You’re doing so well.”

“S-shit,” Levi whimpers, “Again.”

“Again?”

There’s a pause, and for a moment the room is nothing but the sound of skin hitting skin, of each their heavy breathing, before Levi dares to request: “T-tell m- me that again.”

Fuck. Levi looks embarrassed where he lay, the wanton haze covering his eyes momentarily exchanged with a momentary self-awareness. He closes his eyes again, probably in hopes to conceal his own shyness, but there’s no reason to - because fuck. Fuck, Levi likes it when he praises him, he likes being told he’s good, to be cared for. Has anyone told him this before? In this setting? Probably, but Erwin dares to hope otherwise, because for a moment he’s filled with a possessive need, want, and he extends his arm to nudge at his chin to catch his attention. There, Erwin kisses him again. He smiles.

“Keep looking at me,” he smiles. “I want to see you. You’re gorgeous.” Levi whimpers beneath him, clings to his neck, and Erwin’s belly feels unbelievably tight.

“You’re taking it so well,” he manages. Tries his best to not sound as breathless as he feels. “You feel so good around my cock, sweetheart.”

“H- hah ! Y-you’re an asshole.”

Erwin chuckles. Strokes his thumb over Levi’s cheek. He’s hot there, skin sweaty and flushed red, and momentarily, kissing it feels more important than to keep going. He does, this time halting his movements, which Levi seems unhappy with - he mewls as he rolls his hips, needy sounds tumbling from the cusp of his lips to encourage Erwin to keep moving. Fuck. It’s not like he’s leaving him much choice, sounding like that. Looking like that.

“God, Levi… ” he moans, bringing his hand back to rest at Levi’s waist, the other to the headboard. He feels himself unravelling, the crackling pleasure in his belly threatening to overflow as he moves, thrusting in and out, looking down at Levi’s slack jaw, his drunken eyes. Feels him bring his legs up around him a moment later, heels just barely digging into Erwin’s back before he suddenly winces, grits his teeth, and his right leg drops down to hit the bedroll again. His ankle.

Immediately, Erwin slows his movements and turns his head to glance at the bandaged leg. He’s about to say something - ask if he’s alright, maybe change the position, but Levi extends his one hand to lay over Erwin’s cheek, pulling him back in.

“M’ fine,” he whispers. “Keep going.”

“A-Are you sure?” Erwin manages, concerned. Completely stills as he looks back again, as if he’s expecting the state of Levi’s ankle to have deteriorated greatly within the span of three or so seconds, as if a simple push of the heel will trigger some horrendous further damage. He absentmindedly thumbs soothing circles at Levi’s neck amidst all his worry, stopping only at the feel of strong, calloused fingers cupping his face. Levi’s sat up to reach him, grunting uncomfortably at the inefficient angle - Erwin is far too tall to be reached comfortably like this, not to mention the fact that he’s… well, still inside him - and so Levi spares no moment to pull him down again once Erwin’s attention has been caught.

He lets it happen, and Levi kisses him like that - gently and slowly, at a pace which makes Erwin wonder just how the tempo changed so drastically in a matter of seconds.

Not that he’s complaining.

No, far from it - Levi’s kissing him so gently, and his fingers are grounding as they stroke over the high of his cheekbones, and it only takes Erwin a fragment of a second to melt into it with a sigh.

“Okay?” Levi whispers a few moments later, tender. His lips graze by Erwin’s as he speaks. “M’fine. It feels good. You feel good. I want it.”

It’s Erwin’s turn to feel needy now. Somehow, the kiss reassures him, makes him feel cared for, too. Only then does it dawn on him just how much he needs this too. The contact, the warmth, the care. Because he does feel reassured, he feels warm where he lay in Levi’s arms, and as the shorter man pushes a few, blonde strands back out of Erwin’s eyes, he nods. Dips down once more, placing a short peck to Levi’s lips. “…Okay.”

It’s not long until the wanton haze from before overtakes them both once more. Levi is limp where he lay against the mattress, mouth agape and eyes watching him in a mixture of want and wonder Erwin’s never seen before. He can’t be far off from that particular state himself either - Levi is hypnotising, intoxicating, and Erwin can’t help but stare down at him, adore him, and appreciate him. His hands are on the sides of Levi’s neck now, bracing himself there as he rocks into him. He’s slipping away, losing himself to the hazy lust that’s been brewing in his belly far too long, long before today. Is it lust if it’s been that long? Erwin doesn’t know.

“Erwin, oh…”

Erwin groans and he moves one hand down over Levi’s chest.

“Levi!”

The shorter man moans, louder than he did before, and Erwin squeezes his eyes shut to relish in the sound momentarily. It adds to the unbelievable pleasure of it all, furthered when Levi again stretches to hug his neck.

“I… I’m close,” Levi gasps. Grabs fistfuls of blonde and pulls carefully, as if for leverage, and the sting shoots right down Erwin’s back to mix with the unbelievable pleasure within him. He’s too fucked out to muster a reply - his knees are sore from holding himself up this long, breath heaving from the repeated strain of fucking into Levi, and all he manages is a breathy groan. He’s not far behind.

Erwin shifts gently. Squeezes at Levi’s thigh, as if to warn, before nudging at it. Surprise flickers over Levi’s face, but he quickly catches on - extending his leg to lay over Erwin’s shoulder. It allows for deeper penetration, and instantly, Levi’s head tips back and his mouth falls open, trembling as another long, shaky moan tears from his throat.

“F-fuck, right there! Please , p-pl- hnng- right there…”

Erwin grunts as he rocks his hips, the slick sounds of the oil and their breathing mixing with the wanton haze clouding in his mind just right. Levi’s moaning is egging him on, and it’s not long until his thrusts grow irregular and fast-paced, the clap of his hips meeting Levi’s own unrhythmic.

“I-I’ve got you,” Erwin gasps, in a rather clumsy attempt to keep up his authoritative role in this - he knows Levi likes that, but it comes out shaky and slightly ridiculous. Luckily, Levi seems too fucked out to notice. Erwin’s head tips down till his forehead meets Levi’s own, hands clutching at the sides of his neck for leveredge so he can fuck him like that again, close enough to hear every little gasp, every little groan tumbling from Levi’s lips, close enough for Levi to hear his. Levi’s leaned down to stroke at his own cock too, the movements of his hand quick and lewd, and though Erwin has half a mind to knock it away to complete this task himself, the need to stay close is stronger, and so he keeps his hold around Levi’s neck, his shoulders, holding him close as they move together. “Th-that’s right,” he gasps. “Come for me, baby, I’ve g-got you.”

Levi whimpers beneath him, low and lost, a string of curses moans and Erwin’s name tumbling from his lips as he comes, warm pearls of white spurting over his stomach, over Erwin’s chest. He clenches around him as he unravels, and that’s enough to tip the blonde over the edge too - he’s coming moments later, forehead buried in the crook of Levi’s neck as he grinds through it - overwhelming rush of emotion and pleasure and relief washing over him all at once. It takes over in electrifying waves, and for a moment, all Erwin sees is white.

For a few minutes, all Erwin knows is Levi’s scent. His taste, his breathing, and the remarkable pleasure of it all. He awakens from his sluggish haze to the feeling of Levi’s fingers, the graze of them slow over Erwin’s broad back, drawing up and down in gentle, careful motions. It only occurs to him then that he’s still laid over him, face nudged into the crook of Levi’s neck and for a second he feels the urge to pull away for the Captain’s sake - but Levi’s breathing slow and rhythmic, pressing soft kisses to his shoulder in a way that almost feels reassuring, and suddenly, without knowing why, Erwin feels emotional. He grasps the man a little tighter, holds him a little closer as he basks in the overwhelming comfort of it all.

"So much for that bath," Levi mutters, and Erwin lets out a breathy chuckle. They /are/ quite dirty, covered in sweat and oil and cum, and he can’t imagine Levi feels too happy with the fact. He presses a kiss to his neck. "I’ll clean you right up again."

Levi hums. They spend some time like that, fifteen minutes at least, a quarter of an hour spent caressing each other’s skin, kissing softly. Levi tickles Erwin’s back, presses kisses in his hair. Erwin strokes Levi’s chest, whispers subtle, sweet reassurances that he’ll stay as long as Levi wants him to.

The shorter man is sleepy again, Erwin thinks, because he only replies in tired hum when he suggests they have a bath together. He kisses Levi’s cheek as he gets up to fill the tub again, letting the other man rest in the comfort of his bedding. Once he’s followed the same routine as before - lavender oil, bath salt, soap - he wanders back to fetch Levi, and before long, they’re both settled in the tub.

Levi’s bandaged leg hangs off the edge, the heel leaned against a chair Erwin fetched earlier. His back is leaned against Erwin’s chest, and he sighs happily as the blonde washes his hair, massages his scalp. He mutters a sleepy request to do the same for Erwin, but with his leg, it makes for an insufficient angle, and he ends up washing his own hair once he’s helped Levi out of the tub, dried him down.

He takes him back to bed before returning to wash his own hair, and by the time he comes back, Levi’s fallen asleep.

No wonder. With his injury, combined with the straining activities not even an hour ago, Levi’s bound to be exhausted, and briefly, Erwin worries this may have been too much.

He sits down at Levi’s bedside. Gently, he brushes a few inky locks out of the man’s face, smiling faintly when Levi scrunches his nose up. He’s quite cute when he’s not scary. Handsome. Strong jaw and thick lashes, broad shoulders. Erwin leans down. Presses a soft kiss to his forehead before he lays down beside him. Smiles when Levi wiggles up against him in sleep, rests his head against Erwin’s chest.

It doesn’t take him long to fall asleep, either. When he wakes again, it’s to the sound of songbirds and the piercing view of the rising sun. It takes Erwin a moment to remember just /where/ he is - his window is on the other side of the room, not this one - but Levi shifts with a soft mewl, and Erwin understands.

He looks down to see his captain’s back, scarred and bruised and warm beneath his own fingers. His nose is brushing up against the curve of Erwin’s neck, and he hears it easily when the other man inhales deeply, before sinking back against him, content, calm. At peace. There’s no tight wrinkle between his usually furrowed brows, instead his face is slack, smooth, and Erwin smiles.

The sight feels like a blessing, or maybe a secret he’s not meant to share. Laying here, basking in the morning sun, Levi in his arms, relishing in a quiet moment of bittersweet bliss. Tilting his head carefully, Erwin kisses Levi’s temple. Lingers there to take in his scent, clean and good and hinting of lavender. He kisses his temple again. Hopefully Erwin’s lips will reach through his hazy sleep, fill him with warmth and love, with the care and fondness each kiss is given with. Levi groans some as he shifts again, turns his head as Erwin strokes his hair. His lids crack open, just barely. "Mmh…"

"Good morning," Erwin mumbles, voice still croaky with sleep. He grazes his fingers over Levi’s back.

"M…hm… s’- s’it time to get up?"

Carefully, Erwin glances at Levi’s mantle clock. 6:23. "Not just yet," he whispers. "Easy. Sleep some more."

Levi hums again. Mindlessly grabs Erwin’s hand to yank it off his own back, places it in his hair instead. Erwin laughs, but complies, massages his scalp, strokes his hair. Levi sighs. "Feel nice?"

"Mm."

Erwin chuckles again. Presses a kiss into Levi’s hair. It’s another few minutes until Levi shifts again. When he does, it’s as if something has clicked - like he’s finally rid himself of the final remnants of sleep and is fully conscious, and when he sits up, forearms supported on Erwin’s chest, it’s as if he finally realises just where he is.

It’s funny at first, and Erwin can’t help but chuckle, until he realises Levi looks unsure. He’s confused about where this leaves them, perhaps, because he’s assessing Erwin carefully, scanning his face like it’s a riddle to be solved. Erwin knows what he wants. But he’s not just going to go claim it like some caveman, not when he’s unsure of what Levi wants. "… Are you alright?"

"… Yeah. Yeah, I’m… yeah."

"Are you sure? Levi."

"… You stayed."

Erwin doesn’t laugh at that. Instead, his heart fucking sinks, because Levi’s surprised , he thought he’d leave again - that he’d push the Captain off himself while he slept and go on about his day. Does that mean Levi didn’t believe all those things he said yesterday? His apology? Is that why he asked him to stay when Erwin had to do paperwork? Did he not believe him then either? If so… where does that leave them? Erwin thought he knew before, but now he’s just… unsure again, and he feels guilty, he feels awful, and he can’t help but hug Levi a little closer to himself.

"You thought I’d go?" he mumbles, carefully. Levi stifles a snort. He lays back against Erwin’s chest. "I wasn’t sure what to expect."

Erwin’s heart sinks low in his chest. All this pleasantness is exchanged with an uneasiness, a guilty uneasiness, and Erwin doesn't know how to make it right again. They’d had sex last night - but had Erwin known Levi still didn’t quite trust him, he probably would have refrained. It feels as if he’s taken advantage of him, of Levi’s trust and loyalty. It doesn’t feel right.
"Levi- I… Levi I’m so sorry," he mutters. Levi looks up at him, brows furrowed. "I thought you- or… I meant all the things I said yesterday. About wanting you, regretting leaving,  I really did. If I knew you still weren’t quite sure about whether I was telling the truth, Levi, I never would have slept with you, not until you were assured, I-"

"Erwin."

"-want you to know that… well, I don’t only value you as my trusted comrade, but… but also something else, something more, and… and you’re dear to me, in- in the most personal-"

"Erwin."

"-of ways, and… and I feel like I’ve taken advantage of you, I- I never meant for this-"

Levi kisses him. Erwin only spends a moment muttering his next word onto Levi’s lips before he realises what’s happening, and with a sigh, he gives in. It’s a short kiss, probably only meant to shut him up, but it still takes Erwin’s breath away, and as Levi pulls off him, Erwin’s eyes are wide. "You big sap. Can you calm down for one fucking second?"

… Crude.

But Levi is smiling like he’s entertained, and wordless, Erwin lays back against the pillows. "I don’t think that shit. Stop thinking that."

"… But-"

"Erwin. I believed you last night, but you can’t fucking blame me for being sceptical."

That’s true. Of course he can’t - Erwin doesn’t blame him, he never did - he just… well he was worried, and-

"And I know you’re not blaming me, so no , before you even ask."

Oh.

Erwin closes his mouth. Levi laughs. It’s a beautiful sound, meant to be here - mixing with the chirping of birds and the blaze of the morning sun. "Last night was fucking good, okay? So shut up. Stop worrying and… just get on with it."

Erwin sits up, too. It makes Levi scoot down to sit in his lap, and Erwin wraps his arms around his waist, ever careful. "… You’re certain?"

"Course I’m fucking sure." Levi smiles faintly as Erwin lets out a sigh of relief. Kisses him once more, and this time, Erwin kisses back fully. Strokes Levi’s lower back gently. "How’s your leg?"

Levi grunts a bit where he sits. "Fine."

"Your hands?"

Levi cocks a brow again, brings one down to look. They’re a pink-ish red now - still nasty looking, despite the salve from yesterday. "They fuckin’ sting. But it’s fine."

"Sit still. I’ll apply some more salve," Erwin mutters, gently taking Levi’s wounded hand in his own. The shorter man doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. Looks over at the nightstand, at the mantle clock, the vial of lube and the tub of fancy Mitras salve. He smirks. "Fine. But first I wanna return the favour."

Erwin blinks a few times, absentminded. "The favour?"

"Mm." Levi leans in carefully, presses the start of many, many descending kisses behind Erwin’s ear. "You took care of me properly, last night. Maybe it’s time someone did the same to you? You seem pretty fucking stressed after all, Commander."

Erwin lets out a breathy sound - a mixture of a sigh and a snort, and he tilts his head back againsts the headboard as Levi reaches the juncture of his neck and shoulder. 

Levi proceeds to make Erwin feel very, very warm.

Chapter Text

"Your kid pushed my kid."

Erwin looks up from behind his newspaper. In front of him is a rather short man, his brows furrowed, arms crossed. Tense in stance and demeanour, as if he’s got something to prove. He doesn’t look happy. “Pardon?” Erwin blurts. The man rolls his eyes. 

“Your kid pushed my kid. Make her apologise or I will.” 

Erwin blinks a few times, absentmindedly, his mind needing a quick few seconds to catch up with whatever is going on. The man isn’t wearing a suit; that’s the first thing he notes, for some reason. Or, no, there is a reason. The man’s dressed overly casually compared to the other parents on the playground, worn hoodie and loose jeans making him stick out like a sore thumb in the crowd. But Erwin shakes that thought quickly. 

“... My daughter?” he asks, eyes darting over to his daughter. Historia is still playing happily in the sandbox, like she has been all afternoon. She hasn’t moved from that spot since he last checked, which was… not that long ago, right?  Erwin’s been watching her, hasn’t he? Historia’s dress is a tad bit dirtier than it was earlier, he notes, grains of sand and green tainting its white edges, but surely that’s a mere result of playing. “Are you sure?”

“Unless you’ve got any other brats? Yeah, blonde kid in the dress,” the man retorts… unnecessarily sharply, and Erwin feels himself tense with discomfort. The man still got his arms crossed, and he looks angry, staring at Erwin with a cut-throat look as if he’s to blame here. What on earth? Even if Historia did push his child, which he’s sure she didn’t, that’s surely no excuse to speak so… well, rudely? Erwin looks up again, and only then does he spot the dark haired girl stood by the swings. She’s hanging her head, black locks of hair covering her eyes as she wrings her wrists nervously.

Her name is Mikasa, Erwin thinks, the new kid. She’s a quiet child apparently, reluctant to both speak and play with the others, although Historia did mention she convinced her to join a game of hide and seek once.

Erwin looks back at the man - no, Mikasa’s father, still just as tense and displeased as before. He’s got a threatening glimmer in his eye, reminiscent of that of a scolding mother or a displeased supervisor, and Erwin feels his stomach knot up in… guilt? Discomfort? He clears his throat. 

“I apologise,” he says politely. Straightens the crevices in his suit jacket as he stands up. “You must be Mikasa’s father, right?”

The man raises an eyebrow. Looks at him like he’s an idiot. “Yeah,” he says curtly. “You gonna do something?”

Perhaps it would be dramatic to say Erwin is shocked by this remark, but he’s definitely thrown off. This complete stranger is… well, angry at him for something that happens with kids all the time, and finding himself a bit too confused to put his foot down, he simply nods sheepishly before making his way over to the sandbox.

“Hi, sunshine.” 

Erwin crouches down by the little blonde, pulls back to avoid the small heap of sand Historia slings to her side with her plastic shovel. “Hi daddy! Look at my castle!”

“Wow! That’s really coming together, huh?” Historia smiles warmly, nods proudly as she considers her masterpiece. How could she not? The sand pile has white flowers at its top, small rocks for windows. Incredible design, flawless execution. Clearly, he is raising the next grand architect of the 21st century. 

That wasn’t why he came over, though. Erwin looks up momentarily. Mikasa’s dad is standing in the same place as before, glaring. Jesus.

“But, uh… Tori. Mikasa’s father told me you pushed her. Is that true?” 

At that, Historia seems to tense. Her brows are knit together, twitching slightly as she looks down, begins to mindlessly dig in the spot in front of her. Erwin sighs. “Historia…” he says, voice firm. “That’s not nice, is it? Why would you do that?” The girl’s grip on her shovel slacks some, and guilt-ridden, she peers down at her shoes as she mumbles something incoherent. “Hm?” Erwin encourages.

“... She didn’t wanna play with me,” Historia mumbles, a tad bit more clearly. Erwin sighs. Brings his palm up to rest his chin on it as he sits down at the wooden frame of the sandbox. “That doesn’t mean you can push her,” he says sternly. “You know this. If she didn’t want to play now, you could have asked her to play again later. Not push her. Do you think that made her feel happy?”

Historia says nothing, small fingers tracing the edges of her shovel. She shakes her head. “I don’t think so, either,” Erwin continues. “You owe her an apology, Historia. Alright?” 

To his mind-blowing relief, Historia doesn’t cry. Although it’s a bit half-hearted, she nods, and takes Erwin’s hand as they walk toward Mikasa together. Once there, Historia offers a teary-eyed apology and another opportunity to join her in the sandbox. This time, Mikasa accepts.

They wander off together as if nothing had ever happened, and Erwin is tempted to make a remark about how the man exaggerated. ‘That was easy, wasn’t it?’ or ‘see, better than ever. Clearly, it wasn’t that big of an issue. No reason to be rude.’ He doesn’t say any of that, of course. In fact, he doesn’t say anything at all. Doesn’t have the time, because the man simply offers him a quick nod before walking off.

Strange man. Oh well.

He makes his way back over to the bench he was sitting on earlier, his secret wish to get on with his newspaper in peace shattered when he spots Nile and Marie Dawk approaching, too.

They both offer him a raised eyebrow, a flicker of the eyes in the direction of the girls. Erwin blinks absentmindedly, confused as he sits back down. “What?”

“That’s Levi Ackerman,” Nile says quietly. Looks at Erwin with anticipation, like he’s expecting a reaction. The blonde shrugs. “The new guy?”

“I’ve never seen him before.”

Marie snorts, crosses her arms over her chest. “Consider yourself lucky. And luckier if you don’t run into him again. Guy’s a piece of shit.”

Assuming the two have also experienced the man’s - no, Levi’s - horrifying sternness, Erwin simply chuckles. “He’s certainly curt. Frightened me, honestly,” he smiles. But Nile only looks up at him with furrowed brows and thin lips. “Seriously, Erwin,” he says, and Marie nods. “I’m surprised you’re even letting Historia play with his kid.”

Erwin raises an eyebrow. Sure, Levi’s a little rude, so what? He’ll simply not talk to him. It doesn’t mean their kids can’t play with each other.

“That’s a bit of an overreaction, surely,” he says, an awkward laughter incorporating its way between his words. Marie shakes her head. “The guy’s an ex-con, Erwin. We’ve been trying to talk to the school board about him for weeks. A school like this shouldn’t tolerate people like that.”

Erwin’s eyes widen. An ex-con? Levi’s an ex-con, and he enrolled his child… here? How did he do that? Erwin feels presumptuous, but… this is a private school, an expensive one at that, and for some reason he doubts that Levi’s rolling in money. “Wh- how did he… He was in prison?” 

Nile nods. “Yeah. No idea what for, battery or something, I think,” he says, and Marie shakes her head disapprovingly. “You can see it in his kid, too,” she says. “She’s not like our kids, she’s… strange. Off. All quiet and… ugh, I feel for her, I really do, with a father like that, but… she’s a bad influence. I can tell.”

Erwin turns to look back at the girls. They’re smiling brightly, both of them, and Mikasa is poking her fingers through the walls of the castle to make windows. A bad influence, huh?

“Surely not, Marie. She’s five.” 

“Apple never falls far from the tree,” Marie sighs, elbows propped up on her knees as she turns to face him again. “Seriously. If I were you, I’d do something. Think about your daughter.”

Erwin doesn’t respond. Looks over at the kids again. Over to Levi.

He’s sat in the very corner of the playground, beneath the pear tree, black locks swaying gently as the wind brushes by. 

Levi Ackerman. Surely he can’t be that much of a threat.

… Right?

Erwin doesn’t take Marie’s advice, and after a few weeks he’s starting to regret it.

He hasn’t seen Levi since that day at the playground, and can’t deny that he’s a little relieved - the man is horrifying, and rumours of his time in prison are starting to emerge over coffee in the break rooms at work, over casual chit-chat during pick-up time at the school.

Word of the newly arrived Ackerman family has stretched beyond the metal fences of the playground, he’s learned. He was taken by surprise at first, when his secretary had casually asked him whether he’d heard about the "the criminal" in the neighbourhood, the tips of her fingernails nervously digging into the paper cup she’d been holding. He’d laughed it off then, a bit less when the man working the till had mentioned it as he paid for his groceries. When his mother had asked him about it over the phone, he hadn’t laughed at all. Still, he can’t stop Historia from playing with Mikasa, even if he wanted to. How could he, when Nile tells him he’s seem bruises on the poor girl’s wrist? When Mike points out how her eyes are sullen and blank as she stands on her own, in a corner of the playground? The kid needs some love from her friends, clearly, she’s certainly not getting it from her father.

Whether Erwin is late for pick-up or not, it’s the same thing. Mikasa is always there, not yet picked up, blankly staring as Historia leaves her to greet him with a hug. Erwin can’t say his heart doesn’t ache at it.

"Daddy?" Historia says one morning, mouth full of choco pops and milk. Erwin hums in reply, absentmindedly flicking through the pages of his newspaper. "Can Mikasa come visit after school today?"

Erwin stills for a second. Mikasa? At their house? Would that mean Levi is coming, too? He doesn’t mind Mikasa, or maybe he does, Erwin doesn’t know, but Levi, a criminal, in his house? Briefly, he stares at the historical artefacts on the bookshelf in the corner, the porcelain case in which his mother’s jewlery is in. "… Today isn’t a good time, sweetheart," he decides.

Historia doesn’t ask again. Erwin feels bad that he’s relieved.

Time passes, and suddenly, there’s another open day coming up. It’s the same as always - his daughter excitedly shows him what she’s been working on - drawings and paper chains, a bird box she’s decorated himself. During break time, he inevitably ends up in the same spot as before - on the bench by the swings. Historia is playing with Mikasa, Nile and Marie are watching their son sling himself across the monkey bars, Mike and Nanaba are talking with Hanji, Moblit.

No sign of Levi.

Erwin finds himself feeling a little bad. What, the guy can't be bothered to show up to his kid's open day? Everyone else's parents are here but Mikasa's. He shoots the occasional glance toward the metal gates, the parking lot, what feels like every minute. 

Still, no Levi.

Not until there’s a small thud of shoes hitting gravel, and Erwin catches Mikasa wander off in the corner off his eye. The playground is all quiet mutters and tense shoulders as Levi opens the gates, smiling. For some reason, this takes Erwin by surprise. He’s never seen Levi smile before, he realises, and watches in fascination as the man props down on one knee, reaching his arms out. It almost makes him mad, Erwin realises, watching Levi act so… normal, when he’s so clearly… well, horrible to his daughter behind closed doors. What, he couldn't be asked to come until the very last moment? Didn't feel like putting the work in by sitting through the show-and-tell, all the things the kids have been working on? Shit, what an asshole. 

But Mikasa never reaches her father. There’s a sharp sound of gravel grinding against the asphalt, followed by a short gasp and a thud. There’s a short silence before Mikasa lets out a sob, crawling up in a little ball to grab at the knee she’s scratched the asphalt. Without meaning to, Erwin stands up. But Levi is already there, lifting the girl up. "Shh," he hears him tell her. "Oh, baby, shh, I know. I’ve got you." Mikasa hitches against Levi’s shoulder, and the man presses a kiss in her hair. He looks up suddenly, meets Erwin’s gaze, seemingly startled by it. He looks away before Erwin can, but whatever his eyes have fallen upon now must be worse, because Levi’s brows scrunch together, uncomfortable. Erwin turns to see everyone looking - children, parents, teachers - all eyes plastered on Levi and Mikasa. It’s unsettling, like something out of a horror film, and once Erwin turns again, Levi’s gone.

Historia isn’t, though - she’s broken into a small jog, in pursuit of the entrance doors. She’s following them, Erwin realises, and he’s quick to run after - he won’t tolerate Levi yelling at his daughter, or something. But he enters, hair a mess, tie crooked, to see Historia gently holding Mikasa’s hand. The dark-haired girl is sat on a chair, sniffling and hitching as her father strokes her hair. "Is it working?" he asks, and Mikasa sniffles. 

"A-a little," she sobs, and Levi draws his brows down. "Only a little?" he asks, overly worried, and all of a sudden he’s leaned over her, peppering small pecks over her cheeks, her forehead, her hand. "Lebi! It tickles!" Mikasa shrieks in laughter through the tears. Levi laughs, too. "I’m kissing it better! If this doesn’t work we’ll have to call the ambulance, kiddo!"

"Mr. Ackerman," Historia pipes, eyes filling with worry at the mention of an ambulance. "You you can try to clean it! That’s what my dad always does!"

"That so?"

Levi’s already holding a cloth in his free hand, there’s antibacterial rinse on the table to his left. Still, he nods, pretending to ponder this. "That’s good thinking, Historia. Let’s try that."

Erwin watches, blankly, taken aback at how… well… good Levi seems to be. The man drops the act momentarily then, sitting down to grab Mikasa’s free hand. "It’s gonna sting a little, duckling," he says. It’s strange to hear him like this - voice soft and gentle, like velvet, loving, the total opposite of what he usually sounds like. Mikasa sniffles, burying her face in her elbow at the warning. She’s gonna cry again, Erwin realises. He’s not sure what he expects Levi to do. Perhaps get on with it, perhaps tell her to get it together. Certainly not… give her a hug, voice soft as he speaks again: "Hey, hey. You’re alright. You’re so tough, huh? And you’ve got such a good friend with you." he says, placing a hand on Historia’s back, who nods near-violently in support. Mikasa seems to ponder this, and she bites her lip before drying her eyes. She nods.

Mikasa doesn’t cry while Levi cleans her knee, and in the span of five seconds, it’s done.

"Good job, Mika!" Historia cheers, and Levi smiles as he tosses the cloth to the side.

"Mhm. You’re tougher than you think, you know that?"

Mikasa nods slowly. "Hey. Guess what?" Levi continues."I snagged these from the cabinet, don’t tell your teachers, huh? I think I picked some pretty good ones, if I say so myself."

Snagged? Has Levi… stolen something? That is certainly far beyond acceptable, and Erwin has half a mind to step out now, catch him in the act, but stills when Levi speaks again. 

"I kind of want them all to myself, but I /suppose/ I’ll let you pick first. You can have one too, Historia."

No. Absolutely not. If this man has decided to steal, the last thing he’s gonna do is drag his daughter into-"

"Tinkerbell," Mikasa whispers immediately, voice still a little broken and teary, and Levi groans in overexaggerated disappointment. "You’re a little rascal, y’know that? That was the one I wanted." The girls shriek in laughter once more, and there’s a sound of paper being ripped.

… A bandaid. It’s a bandaid from the first-aid kit. Levi didn’t steal anything.

"There we go," he smiles. "What do you think?" Mikasa nods in approval, before reaching out to hug him. Levi does. "You okay?" he mumbles now, voice free of banter.

"Mhm."

"You wanna go play again?"

"Mhm."

"Run along, then. Thanks for being my helper, Histor-"

Levi stops mid-sentence as he turns. He’s spotted Erwin leaned against the door, and his body instantly goes stiff. The girls have already run off. They’re alone, and Levi is stiff and pale and red at the same time. "Sorry, I… uh," Erwin manages, awkward. "Tori came here, so…"

If looks could kill, Erwin would be cold on the floor before that sentence was over. Levi turns again, hurried as he scrambles to put the first aid kit together again. But it isn’t… done yet, at least it doesn’t feel like it. Erwin has to say something, anything.

"You’re great with her," he says before he can think. Levi looks at him like he’s stupid. He probably is. "Of course you are. I mean… I’m sorry, that was a daft comment."

"What do you want, Smith?"

"Nothing, I just… I saw how you consoled her. You’re usually quite… well…"

"She’s my kid."

"Yes. I just… you’re usually so stern, closed off," Erwin explains, knowing he's already digging his own grave by talking. "I mean, I’m pretty affectionate with my kids in public, so-"

"I learned it from you."

It’s Erwin’s turn to not understand now. He stares at Levi, who’s sat down on the table, one leg slung over the other. He’s got… a nice shape, Erwin notes. A thin waist, broad, strong shoulders. He looks up quickly, clears his throat. "What? From me?"

Levi’s eyes soften, and for a second, Erwin’s chest does something it shouldn’t. "Mhm. I saw the way you talk to your daughter, you know." 

His eyelashes are thick and black, Erwin notes. His voice has gone… sweeter. Silkier. Erwin swallows to coat his dry throat. "I decided to take a break from my usual stunt of being an asshole to my kid, that’s what we do in the slums, you see. Unlike up here, like you fine folk. I was at a loss for words when I saw how gracefully you raise your children."

"Levi, I-"

"They need to be /comforted/ when they’re in pain? Who knew! Of course I resorted to /your/ oh-so-divine methods immediat-"

"Levi, I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean it like that," Erwin says, slightly embarrassed. "I never meant to indicate that-"

"No. Listen up, asshole. You may enjoy exchanging pleasantries with the moms or arranging picnics or playdates or whatever braindead snobbery you lot get up to up here, but I don’t. Believe it or not, just because I dont put on some shit-thin fascade like you fuckers do, doesn’t mean I don’t love my daughter. Get your head out of your ass." He snaps the first aid-kit shut again, hangs it on the wall where it was before.

"… I really, really didn’t mean that, I- hey." He grabs a hold of Levi’s wrist as the shorter man heads for the door. It earns him a death-glare. "Hey. I apologise, Levi. I have no doubts you’re a... a good father."

Levi snorts. "Don’t care."

And he’s gone.

Erwin is left feeling stupid and confused. 

Erwin doesn’t know why he feels bad for the next couple of days. He’d only tried to compliment him, hadn’t he? He listens to his coworkers, his friends, the parents at school as they continue to badmouth Levi, how he’s probably abusive, awful, how someone should do something. Erwin listens, nods, halfheartedly. He wants to tell them what he saw, how Levi was gentle, comforting, how Mikasa clearly trusted him. He doesn’t.

He's thinking about it absentmindedly one day, over dinner. Historia is squashing her potatoes with her fork, the smile on her face pushing her chubby cheeks up. It makes Erwin smile, too. "You’re in a good mood today."

Historia nods excitedly. "Mhm! The big kids don’t make fun of me anymore."

At that, Erwin’s smile falters and his brows draw down.

"Make fun of you? What do you mean, ‘make fun of you?’"

"They throw leaves at me even when I say no," Historia says, seemingly unbothered. "And one day they squashed my sandcastle."

Erwin clears his throat, twisting the fork in his hand. Why is this the first he’s heard of this? "Sweetie, I didn’t know this? What big kids, who’s bothering you at school?"

"Zeke and… and Pieck in the sixth grade! But I /told/ you, daddy, they don’t anymore! Mr. Ackerman scared them."

"… Mr. Ackerman? Mikasa’s dad?"

Historia giggles a little. "Yeah. They’re super scared of him. He saw them push me on the grass and… and he stopped them. He even said the /f-word/, daddy."

"/Pushed you?/" Erwin yaps in surprise. "Good thing you ran into Mr. Ackerman, but… sweetie, why didn’t you tell-"

"I don’t have to run into him!" she interrupts. "He cleans the school all the time! He’s like… like… the… cleaner. He has a tiny car." 

"Janitor?" Erwin asks, and Historia shrugs. Levi is the janitor. That’s why he’s here. 

Three days later, Erwin arrives for pick-up earlier than he usually does. It’s not an accident. He’s sheepish and nervous, all tense shoulders and averting gazes, and as he sits down on the comically small children’s chair outside Historia’s classroom, he finds himself thinking he probably looks ridiculous. He shouldn’t do this. Why is he doing this? He’s got half a mind to back out when Levi rounds the corner, his usual tshirt and jeans exchanged for a blue janitor’s one-suit. Godammit. He is doing this. "Mr. Ackerman." 

Levi looks up, startled, very nearly dropping the mop in his hands. "…Smith."

"I was wondering why I never see you during pick-up." Erwin shoots him a small smile. Levi averts his gaze, look down as he pulls his yellow rubber gloves off to toss in a bucket nearby. Is he breathing heavier? "… You’ve got to finish your shift before you pick her up. Right?" Erwin says, tentative.

Levi’s head dashes back toward him in a near-violent motion. He’s gone red, brows drawn down. He’s gripping the mop still, so hard his knuckes have gone white. He looks… fucking horrifying, Erwin realises. "… So you decide to come fucking… mock me because I’m not a... a fucking office rat?"

"What? No, of course n-"

"Some people don’t want to spend their lives licking their superiors’ asses, you… pretentious, fucking-"

"I came here to thank you, Mr. Ackerman."

Levi stills for a moment, and in a split second, Erwin thinks he might look the calmest he’s ever seen. But that quickly falters, as surprise turns to scepticism. Whatever’s going on, Levi doesn’t trust it. Erwin clears his throat. He’s nervous, more nervous than he’s felt in… years, maybe. It certainly feels like it’s been years since he’s been this on edge. "…Historia, uhm… she told me she’s had some problems with the older kids. They’ve been picking on her." He considers Levi for a moment, who hasn’t moved. At all. "And… and I had no idea. She only told me because you stopped them, eh… I appreciate it. You looking out for her."

There’s silence for a short while, and finally, /finally/, Levi’s shoulders seem to sink. He leans  his mop against the wall, looks away. "… Yeah, uh. That four-eyed brat. I remember."

Erwin chuckles. He’s quite crude. For once, it seems fitting. "Yes. Thank you."

Levi doesn’t say anything, only tears the dirty rag off the base of the mop. "That all?"

Erwin considers saying yes, but it isn’t. It isn’t all. He draws a breath, hoping Levi won’t hear how it’s trembling, childishly nervous. "… And I wanted to apologise again. For last time."

Levi clenches the mop in his hands. He looks like he wants to say something, but doesn’t.

"… I… I’m not sure if it’s welcome, but…" Erwin’s voice trails off into a string of incoherent mumbles as he fumbles with his bag. "…I, uh… I bought you something." That certainly catches Levi’s attention. He considers Erwin carefully, sceptical as he considers the metal box in the blonde’s hand. "It’s… it’s tea. From the brewery down on- I- nevermind, I- Historia said you drink tea during your breaks, so-"

But Erwin shuts up instantly, because for the first time, he’s pretty sure Levi is smiling. Only halfway, the edge of his lip turned up ever so slightly, but a smile nonetheless. Success? Levi takes it as Erwin hands it to him, flipping the box to read the back of it. It’s quiet as he does, and Erwin feels like a college student waiting for exam scores to be put up. "All this to prove you don’t think I’m a shit parent?"

Erwin scratches the back of his neck. "Well, I… I did insinuate that I thought that- or- but… but I /don’t/ think that, and I hope-"

"I know."

Levi looks up at him. His face is soft, not in expression but… well, physically. It’s like he’s finally relaxing his muscles, his jaw. His eyebrows. It’s a nice face, Erwin finds himself thinking, but quickly shakes the thought.

"Sure I can keep it? This shit looks expensive."

"Of course," Erwin says, smiling. "It was a gift."

Levi nods, hopefully content. "Okay."

"I… know you and Mikasa haven’t had the warmest welcome. I’m sorry for that."

Levi chuckles, a low, barely audible sound, very nearly overpowered by the clink of the metal box as he stuffs it in the bag hanging off the tray of cleaning supplies. "You should go. I’ve got floors to mop."

Erwin smiles. "I’ll see you around, Mr. Ackerman."

He turns to leave.

"Smith."

Whoops. He turns again. Levi is looking at him, the grey in his eyes somehow harsh, yet soft all the same.

"It’s Levi."

Erwin smiles. "In that case, it’s Erwin."

Levi smiles, too. "Later, Erwin."

"Goodbye, Levi." 

Over the next few days, Erwin can’t seem to stop thinking about it.

Whether he’s overseeing quarterly reports in his office or deciding what TV-show to watch doesn’t matter - he’ll only be half-present, distant as his thoughts sway back to that day in the hallway. Levi’s got a funny perception of what smalltalk should be, he finds himself thinking. He’s so crass, blunt, but so oddly casual at the same time, and after a few days of contemplating labels, Erwin decides he’s got the maturity of a wise old man, but the vocabulary of a prepubescent teenager. If Erwin arrives early for pick-up, Levi will often be there, cleaning up whatever unpredictable mess the kids have stuck him with that day. They talk while he cleans. Mostly unimportant things.

‘It’s getting colder out, don’t you think, Levi?’ or ‘Levi, what is an iCloud?’

Though, in Levi’s case it’s more along the lines of: ‘that shirt looks fucking stupid, erwin’ or ‘this goddamn smudge won’t wash off, erwin.’

Sometimes, Levi shares something about himself, each subtle detail unveiling another small, small bit of the absolute enigma that is Levi Ackerman. He likes peas, unless they’re mushy. He played the piano when he was young, and he’s never been on an aeroplane. He can’t drink gin, but doesn’t mind vodka. Each detail, however small, feels like a breakthrough.

They fall into a small routine.

At 2:30, every day, without fail, Erwin walks in, sits down on the wooden bench in the elementary school hallway.

And at 2:30, every day, without fail, something, /anything/ near that wooden bench will need cleaning. Around 2:50, they’ll hear the first couple of cars roll into the lot outside. Usually it’s Nanaba or Mike. They live closeby, and avoid the worst of the traffic. The crunch of the gravel as the wheels still against the asphalt is a warning, and every day, without fail, Levi gathers his supplies, disappears around the corner before the other parents arrive.

They don’t acknowledge this little ritual they’ve fallen into. Erwin doesn’t know what it means, why he takes the time. He does know that talking to Levi is easy, though. It’s calming, ironically, like a peaceful, sacred slot where nothing really matters.

It’s 2:35 one day. Levi mentions he forgot his lunch. Erwin offers him the caramel chocolate bar he has in his bag. Levi rolls his eyes, says something about ‘real nutrients.’ Erwin laughs, offers the uneaten fruit salad he tends to buy at the office cafeteria instead. It’s Erwin’s favourite, bits of banana and apple and blueberry sauce all jumbled together in a small paper box. Levi looks horrified.

"That’s not a fruit salad, that’s a war crime."

Erwin’s whole body shakes as he laughs.

The next day, at 2:52, Levi pushes a plastic container into Erwin’s hands. "/That’s/ a fucking fruit salad, you dog," he says, and darts off immediately, hurried. Inside are bits of pineapple, grapes, bananas, apples, and a whole lot more.

"Thanks for the salad," Erwin says the next time he sees him. "I had it for lunch today at work."

"You had a fruit salad for /lunch?/" Levi doesn’t look up as he speaks, focuses on the sand beneath the kids’ shoe rack. "Who raised you, blondie? I worry for your kid. And your fucking teeth."

Erwin chuckles. "I’m a /bit/ more strict with her. I’ve gotta admit, though, I’ve let myself go over the years."

Levi looks up at him from where he’s sat on the floor. He looks like he wants to say something, but decides against it. He keeps scrubbing the floors.

"Really though. It was very good. Thank you, Levi."

Levi bites his lip, looks down. "…Yeah, uh. Yeah. Don’t mention it."

Erwin smiles. "How is Mikasa getting on? Historia talks about her loads."

"Good. She likes Historia’s dresses. Keeps telling me she wants me to make one."

"You make clothes?"

"Erwin, do I /look/ like I know how to-"

Levi’s interrupted by the click of the door, and in walks Nile, who offers him a nod. Strange, it’s only 2:39. Erwin waves. He turns back to Levi. "By the way, I was thinking we-"

"Uh, I should probably-"

Erwin smiles as they speak over each other, but Levi doesn’t. He seems tense, suddenly, gets up off the floor. "Sorry, Levi. What were you saying?"

"… Nah, uh. I should-"

"What’s up, Smith?" Nile says, pulls on the edges of his suit jacket as he sit down. "Hello, Dawk," Erwin says politely. When he looks over to Levi again, he’s turned his back, scrambling with his supplies. "Sorry, Levi. What were you saying?" Levi shakes his head. "Nothing. Gonna go clean th… gonna go."

"Oh. Well, uh, I was thinking you and Mikasa could come over some day. Historia asked about it a while back."

Levi stills, clears his throat. "Yeah, uh. That sounds good. When-"

"Erwin. Watch the game last night?"

Erwin blinks absentmindedly as Nile interrupts. It’s an innocent question, but the man's eyes are stern, brows drawn down.

"Uh, just a second, Nile," the blonde responds. "Levi, anytime works, today might even-"

"It was shit, you know. Pixis oughta be fired, the way he’s coaching the team."

Erwin stills again. Looks at Nile. Nods politely, yet awkwardly. Levi lays his rubber gloves in the bucket, back still turned. "See you, Erwin," he says. Then he walks off. It’s not even 2:50 yet.

The clatter of Levi’s boots fades as he disappears down the hallway, and Erwin turns to Nile. "Why on earth did you-"

"What is /wrong/ with you?" Nile asks through gritted teeth, voice in a loud whisper as if he’s scared someone will hear. "Talking to that guy is one thing, but inviting him to your house? Your /house,/ Erwin?"

"Wh- Our kids play together."

"Hah, yeah. I still can’t believe you let Historia play with that kid." 

"Huh? What’s wrong with Mikasa?"

Nile chuckles, rolls his eyes.

"You’re something, you know that, Winny? Uh, let me see… her dad is rude as shit, working minimum wage, has a background of crime and… you wanna invite the guy round for cheese and crackers? At your house?" 

"… So? It’s… it’s a playdate for the kids."

Nile chuckles again, pats Erwin’s shoulder. "You got a heart too big for your own good, y’know that Erwin?"

"…What do you mean?"

"You’ve taken pity on him, clearly. That’s why you were talking to him, right?"

Erwin says nothing. He doesn’t understand.

"I mean…" Nile’s expression shifts suddenly, his eyes meet Erwin’s. There’s something serious and stern in them, and his grip on Erwin’s shoulder is firm. "Look, me and Marie were talking about it, and… are you sure it isn’t… that it isn’t because of what happened that you’ve got these weird… protective feelings over him? He’s an outcast, y’know… he… maybe he’s… maybe he’s reminding you of Vera."

Erwin eyes widen slightly, and he feels his breath catch in his throat. His pulse rises, and suddenly he feels horribly suffocated.

"… If that’s the case, I understand. Everyone would, Erwin. But… come on, man, even Vera wouldn’t have wanted Historia making friends with-"

"Nile." Erwin's fists are clenched, knuckles white where they rest on his knees. Nile stills.

"Sorry. I don’t mean to-"

"Don’t say that. You don’t…"

Nile looks at him, eyes soft. Sympathetic, like he knows better. Erwin feels sick.

"I know," he says, leans his elbows against his knees. "Can’t be easy. We worry about you and Historia. Me and Marie."

Erwin looks down on his shoes. Tries to focus on the way his laces cross over each other, om the faint traces of mud and dirt around round the sole.

"… How is she? Historia. Is she still…"

"She’s better," Erwin says quietly. He’s lost count of how many times he’s had this conversation. "That’s good. That’s great to hear, man. She seems… brighter, these days. Happier." Erwin nods. Nile’s right, he thinks. A year ago the nightmares were still frequent, violent and vivid, still making her wake up in a panicked daze, breath so short and sobs so desperate Erwin often burst into her room thinking she was suffocating. "Yeah," he says blankly. Tries his best not to think about Historia’s blood-shot eyes, the scar just over her left eyebrow. About flashing white lights, the sound of loud, beeping machines, the white, wooden box that seemed far too small. Still does.

It seems like ages until Historia storms out of the classroom door, smile ever wide, Mikasa’s hand in hers.

"Hi, daddy!"

"Hey, sunshine."

Erwin smiles as he dips down to hug her, feels a little strange when he makes an effort to kiss her right brow rather than her left. He clears his throat. "Hello, Mikasa," he adds. "How are you?"

Mikasa grips Historia’s hand a little tighter. "Mm… good," she says as she peers around the crowded hallway. Historia seems to be doing the same. "Where’s Mr. Ackerman?" she asks, looking up at him.

"Uh, he’s still working, I think."

"But he promised Mikasa he’d be on time today!"

Erwin peers back down at the dark-haired girl, uneasily considering her surroundings. "That’s odd," he says, glancing across the room to see if he can spot Levi hiding in the crowd somewhere.

"Don’t worry, Mika! He’ll be here very soon, I bet!"

Erwin smiles as his daughter lays her arm round her friend, ever the optimist. His little sunshine. He can tell Mikasa is uneasy, though, biting her bottom lip as she continues to look around the room. "Hey. I’m sure Levi is just finishing up the last of the cleaning, Mikasa. Don’t you worry, alright?" Tentative, Mikasa nods as she grips Historia just a little.

"Mhm, so don’t worry, Mika. And we’re gonna wait with you, aren’t we daddy?" Erwin blinks a few times, absentminded. That’s a good idea, actually. He can ask Levi about the playdate again. "Yeah, sure. We’ll wait with you, Mikasa."

Mikasa seems pleased with this. She nods.

They wait, and eventually Levi does show up, some ten minutes later. "Oh. Hey," he says presumably not having expected a party of three awaiting his arrival.

"Lebi!"

"Hey, baby." Levi leans down, lifting Mikasa up in his arms. Her momentary flash of excitement from seeing her dad quickly falters and she crosses her arms. "You said you’d be on time," she mumbles, tone accusive and as stern as a five-year-old can get. It seems to get to Levi. He brings his hand up to thread his fingers through the girl's hair. "I know, duckling, I’m sorry. Someone left mouldy food in one of the classrooms."

"Ew," Historia giggles.

"Gross, huh?" Levi says, sitting Mikasa back down on the floor as he crouches down. "Hey. I’m really sorry. Were you worried?"

Mikasa nods. Levi looks soft. Erwin’s chest does something it probably shouldn’t.

"I’m sorry, kiddo," Levi says. He presses a kiss in her hair. "Really. I should have let you know. But I’ll make it up to you. Double episode of Paw Patrol. How’s that sound?" Mikasa seems to ponder this, a little mafia boss contemplating whether this bribe will make up for Levi's lateness. Eventually, she nods. Levi smiles. "Alright, then."

They all walk out of there together, Historia and Mikasa content as they race across the playground. Erwin chuckles when Historia shrieks as Mikasa steps in a puddle.

"They get on great, don’t they?" Erwin chuckles as he watches.

"Mhm. Little rascals."

"Hey, uh… sorry about earlier. I don’t know why Nile… did all that." It’s a lie. He does know, but feels Levi may be best off not knowing.

"Not your fault."

"I suppose not. I… still, Levi, the offer is still on the table. Coming over, you and Mikasa. It would be good for them to spend some time together uh… outside of school."

Levi looks up at him. Tries to hide a smile, fails. "Alright then, big guy. When?"

"Whenever is best for you."

Levi looks off into the distance, at the girls laughing as they run up the path, toward the gates. "We’re free today. Unless you guys don’t have Paw Patrol. I did just promise the kid a double episode." Erwin’s chest feels light, suddenly, and he tries his best not to smile. He’s not sure why the thought of a playdate is making him so giddy. "We’ve got Paw Patrol." 

Levi smiles.

"Alright, then." 

The drive back to Erwin’s house is pleasant. Historia eagerly makes him pop in her favourite CD, and while the girls sing along to Crazy Frog, Levi smiles. He looks around tentatively once they enter the house. The kids have already run off - Historia is eager to show Mikasa around. Erwin kicks his shoes off, hangs his coat. Pops open the button on his suit jacket to sling it onto a nearby chair.

"Your house is fucking massive. How do you have time to clean it all?"

Erwin chuckles, enters the living room, gestures so Levi will follow. "It is a bit too big for us, I must admit. I try to hoover every weekend."

"Ah. The great CEO Smith doesn’t have a cleaner then?"

"Why, are you looking for an extra job?"

Levi scoffs, slumps down into an armchair nearby. "Maybe, for your own sake. Cleanliness is important." 

Erwin smiles.

"Would you like anything to drink? We have tea. But I’ve got options."

"Of course you do." Levi rolls his eyes. "Just water’s fine."

Erwin nods. Opens the fridge, hands the shorter man a water bottle. Pours himself some orange juice. They move to the sofa so they can keep an eye on the girls, who have made their way into the back garden to play in the sun. "It’ll be nice for them to play outside of school," Erwin says, watching as Historia pulls Mikasa toward the trampoline. "Maybe Mikasa can borrow that dress."

Levi smiles, has a sip of water. "Yeah. Maybe."

"So, what’s the verdict? Is the living room up to the Ackerman cleanliness standard?"

"Better than expect from you, anyway. The wife clean it?"

Erwin coughs. Clears his throat. Sets his glass on a nearby table to turn away. "Uh, no. It’s just me and Tori."

Levi must have noticed. He looks at him, assesses whether to ask. Erwin’s happy when he doesn’t. "In that case. More than I expected from you, Smith."

Erwin smiles, faintly. Watches the toys scattered over the floor, the sweater thrown over the armchair Levi’s sat on before. It would have been cleaner, had he visited a few years ago, Erwin thinks. He shakes the thought. "I’m flattered."

Levi scoffs.

They watch the girls jump on the trampoline. Watch as they get bored, climb back out to play in the grass instead. As they slide the glass door open, run past them in a hurry. "We’re gonna go to my room, daddy!"

"Alright. Uh- are you girls hungry? You haven’t eaten since lunch!" His voice gets louder as the girls make their way up the stairs, away from his voice’s reach. "No!" Levi scoffs again. Erwin smiles.

"Seems they’re having fun."

"Yeah."

"Are you hungry?"

"Uh, depends. You gonna make one of those ‘fruit salad’ sugar bombs or something?"

Erwin laughs. "I didn’t make that! It’s from work."

"You eat like a damn college student, Smith. But uh… no, I’m fine."

Erwin smiles. Leans his hands on his thighs as he gets up.

"I’ll go change, out of my work clothes, then. Make yourself at home, yeah?"

Levi nods. Erwin makes his way to his room, unbuttons his shirt. Slings open his half of the closet, and suddenly he’s unsure. Nervous. This is the first time they'll see him in… well, anything but a suit, he realises. Why does it feel so intimidating? It’s just Levi. And Mikasa. He sighs. He’s being ridiculous. Picks out a pair of jeans, a blue tshirt from his college days. Is this okay? Of course it is - it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. He pulls on the shirt’s edges, bites his lip. Changes to a green one instead. It’s a tad bit bigger, looser. Makes him look a little more broad-shouldered, he thinks. It’s good.

Levi’s in the kitchen when he walks back inside, bent over to peer in the cabinet under the sink. "Where’s recycling?"

"In the cabinet to your right." Levi finds it, discards the empty bottle. Stands back up, stills once he catches sight of him. Erwin smiles sheepishly.

"You look like a normal person," Levi notes. Erwin laughs awkwardly as he pulls out a chair by the kitchen island. "Is that a bad thing?" Levi takes in the sight of him, perhaps without meaning to. Looks away a moment later.

"… No. Just thought office rats slept in their formal wear, or something."

"I’ll have you know I own two sets of pyjamas."

"No way. A soft suit jacket with matching pants?"

Erwin laughs. "No! It’s-"

"Ahem!"

He’s interrupted by a small, yet confident voice, and turns to see Mikasa and Historia in the doorway. Mikasa’s changed out of her clothes, he sees - her overalls and tshirt exchanged for Historia’s blue dress, just as he’d… well, honestly expected. "Why, hello you two."

"We have something!" Historia announces, looks to her friend as Mikasa takes out two pieces of paper from behind her back. She skips forward to hand one to Erwin, gets on her tiptoes to slide Levi’s across the kitchen island. Erwin squints as he looks down, smiles at the colourful handout, written in crayon.

‘AKERMANN AND SMITH RESTORANT’ it says, the words surrounded by stickers - flowers, hearts, even the occasional disney princess. They’ve gone all out.

"You’re invited to our restaurant! It’s in the garden, and your meal is in… in…"

Mikasa looks over to Historia, unsure.

"In five minutes!" she supplies. 

"No way," Levi says. "I’ve heard loads about this place, Erwin. They’ve got great food."

Erwin nods. "Is that so? Even from their logo, I can tell it’s good." He turns to Mikasa. "I know you’re probably fully booked, but can we push our reservation to right now, instead of in five minutes? I /starving!/" Mikasa beams at this, looks at Historia. She nods eagerly. "Yeah! We- we have a table outside, you can- can go and wait there!"

"Oh, perfect! Thank you so much!" Levi looks at him, smiles warmly. Erwin thinks he’s gonna die. 

They make their way outside, sit down by the garden table. After about thirty seconds, Historia is at their side, crayon-written menus in hand. "Welcome to Ackerman and Smith’s restaurant! Our chef today is Chef Mikasa, and my name’s Historia, I’m the waitress!" she beams confidently.

"Wow, what a menu, sweethe- I mean, waitress!" Erwin says as he opens it.

It’s got quite the range of dishes on there. Bangers such as ‘meit and potatos,’ ‘pancake with beris’ and Erwin’s personal favourite: ‘hot dog.’

The restaurant has got to be booked and busy, because Historia’s already pulled out her little notepad, ready to hear their orders. No time for pondering, he supposes. Levi hums where he’s sat, looking the menu over. "Well, I can’t decide. So many good things on here, y’know. You got any recommendations?"

"Yes!" Historia beams, seemingly ecstatic that Levi’s impressed with their menu. "Mm… mm, everything is really really good. The chef is actually… actually, she’s a master chef."

Levi gasps, pretends to ponder this. "Her name’s Mikasa, you said? Mikasa Ackerman… I think I’ve heard that name. Ain't she the very famous chef that recently moved here?"

Historia giggles, and Levi smiles. "Yea! And she’s… she can make anything!"

"That so? Wow, in that case, I’ll take the hot dog. Do you have any sa-"

Levi interrupts himself, gives Historia the time it takes to spell out ‘hot dog’ on her notepad.

"Do you have any sauces?" he asks once she’s done. "Mhm! Mm… you can have uhm… uhm, ketchup for free, if you want!"

"That’s perfect. I’ll take that then."

Historia nods, scribbles down. Stops for a second, brows furrowed, staring at the page. "Daddy," she whispers suddenly. "How… how can I write ketchup?"

"Oh, here," Erwin smiles, gets out of the chair to help her. "So, K-E-T-C…"

Historia focuses intently as she writes. "Oh, no, that’s an ‘O,’ honey. Remember what a ‘C,’ looks like?" Historia looks up at the sky, thinking, before she seems to remember. She scribbles out the ‘O,’ puts a ‘C’ instead.

"And then ‘U’… yes, there you go. Then a ‘P.’"

Historia nods, finishing up while Erwin sits back down. "Okay!" she exclaims, back to being a server. "What do you want, Sir?"

"Do you have any gluten free options?"

Levi nearly snorts, kicks his leg under the table. Historia bites her lip, unsure.

"Umm… we don’t have gl…utifree on the menu today, we’re… out."

"Ah, that’s a shame. I’ll have the meat and potatoes, then."

Historia nods, takes a moment to write it down. Peers over at Levi’s menu to check the spelling.

"Okay!" she announces once she’s done. "I’ll be here with your food soon!"

Erwin chuckles as she skips back into the house, presumably to help master chef Ackerman. "No drinks. That’s odd."

"That’s how it’s done at michelin-worthy restaurants. Keep up, richass."

Erwin laughs, nods. They talk for a bit. Levi smiles the whole time, even as he calls Erwin names. It feels like an accomplishment, somehow. About five minutes later, the girls come wandering out, in their hands small, paper plates. Their food has arrived in the form of toy vegetables and crayon drawings, and both men ‘eat’ their meals enthusiastically. "That was delicious!" Erwin announces once he’s done. Historia giggles, and Levi smiles as he lifts Mikasa up into his lap, kisses her temple. "I didn’t know you were a master chef. How come I’m always the one making dinner, huh?"

Mikasa giggles. "You’re being silly, Lebi."

"I know, I know. I like your dress. Did Historia lend you that?"

Historia nods as she climbs up on the chair next to Erwin.

"Yeah! Grandma made it."

"That’s nice of you, kiddo. Did you say thanks, Mikasa?"

Mikasa nods where she’s sat, gives the dress a tug. She’s got a faint smile on her lips as she does. She must feel pretty in this, Erwin thinks. Maybe he should ask Levi when her birthday is, so Historia can gift her one later on.

It doesn’t take long before the girls decide they’re hungry. Who can blame them - they’ve worked intently on him and Levi’s gourmet meals all afternoon, after all. Erwin suggests they order pizza, and despite a small roll of the eyes from Levi, he agrees. It’s still warm outside, the sun oddly bright considering it’s the brink of October. They might as well enjoy it. Erwin lays a picnic blanket out on the lawn, and together they eat, basking in the remnants of the September sun.

The girls still have plenty to get up to, unsurprisingly, and once they’re finished, they run off play once more. Levi and him remain on the blanket. Erwin closes his eyes for a second, lays back. The sun is warm on his skin, and he relaxes to the sound of birds chirping above. He only meant to close his eyes a small second, but shifts slightly now, as a hand shakes him slightly.

"Wh-"

The sun is hanging lowly once Erwin opens his eyes. It’s a bit chillier, he notes, but not uncomfortable. The next thing he notices is Levi. He’s close, so close, close enough that Erwin can make out each thin hair in his eyebrows, his eyelashes. Close enough to smell soap, cleaning supplies.

"Shoot. Did I…"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Sorry, Levi. Not much of a host, am I?"

"S’fine."

"…The girls, are they…?"

"Inside. I put on Paw Patrol."

Erwin chuckles, happy Levi feels comfortable enough to move around the house without asking. "Gee. I didn’t think I’d fall asleep."

"Single parenting takes its toll, I guess. I know how it is." Erwin sits up, blinks absentmindedly at that.

"You don’t live with Mikasa’s mother?"

Levi sighs.

"Mikasa ain’t mine, biologically. She’s my cousin’s."

Erwin looks at him. He looks calm, expressionless. "Uh, she ain’t… nah. She can’t take care of herself, let alone a kid. She’s been with me since she was three."

"Oh. I-I had no idea."

"Now you do."

"And you haven’t got… a partner, or? No one to help you?"

Levi looks at him then, studies him for a second. He smiles faintly. "Nah. No boyfriend."

/Boyfriend./

Erwin clears his throat, tries to shake whatever feeling just made home in his chest. "It must be very hard. I know how it is," he says, distracting himself.

"Mm. Love the kid to bits, but it’s fucking hard sometimes."

Erwin hums solemnly, watches the TV buzz cartoons through the glass door. Looks as Historia watches intently, knees tucked under her chin. "I know the feeling."

Levi sighs, watches them as well. "It’s hard to relax when there’s an entire tiny person relying on you," Erwin adds. Levi nods. "’S just… want the best for her, y’know. But I ain’t got a fucking clue how parenting works. Tried… trying to put money aside each month, y’know, to… I don’t know. If she wants to go to university, something like that," Levi says. "But I keep thinking I’m forgetting something, or… I don’t know. I ain’t got a clue how any of this shit works."

Erwin looks at him. Studies his profile, his eyes, the grey in them desperate to hide his evident tiredness, his worry. "There’s only so much you can do," Erwin says. "Besides, setting money aside for her is a great thing. You’re looking out for her."

Levi snorts. "Trust me, it ain’t that impressive. They’re paying me fuckall."

"Doesn’t that just make it more impressive?"

Levi turns, confused.

"You haven’t got much, yet you make an effort to save up for her. That’s an impressive thing, Levi."

"… She’s my kid," he says. "Or… I know she’s not, but… but she’s mine, y’know. I gotta look out for her."

Erwin nods. "Of course."

Levi sighs.

"For the record," Erwin says, gently. "You’re a wonderful parent. You treat her amazingly, I see that every single day. She’s lucky to have you for a dad."

Levi’s eyes widen for a second. Erwin can see his chest rise as grey eyes peer over his face. He stills. "I swear, you’re like the human embodiment of those fridge magnets with inspirational quotes," he mutters after a while, gaze reverting to the glass door. Erwin chuckles. "I’m only telling you what I see."

"S’just, ugh. I get so tired sometimes. There’s work and money and bills and all this shit, but then there’s her too. Y’know when you’re fuckin’… exhausted, and suddenly your kid wants to play legos, or… house or ‘it’ or something, and you just /can’t./"

"That’s human, Levi. You can only do so much."

"Mh."

"Everyone’s like that. I’m like that. Frankly, this…" Erwin interrupts himself with a chuckle. "I mean, I’m sure you can tell, seeing as I fell asleep, but this might be the most relaxing afternoon I’ve had in quite some time."

Levi looks at him. Smiles faintly.

"… Yeah."

"Sure you don’t want to doze off on my picnic blanket? It can be my turn to watch the kids," Erwin kids, and Levi snorts.

"While you rot their teeth with sweets? I’ll pass."

"Oh come on now. It’s relaxing. Here-"

Erwin moves the empty pizza box, puts it to the side, in the grass. Wipe away a few crumbles that have settled on the blanket.

"Lay down."

Levi lifts an eyebrow. Erwin looks at him expectantly.

"Come on now. Us burnt out single parents have to look out for each other. Lay down, just try it."

Levi stares at him. Opens his mouth to protest, closes it again. He lays down. "This is stupid," he adds, for good measure.

"You’re so stubborn. Come on, close your eyes." 

Levi stares up at him, like he’s offended him greatly. His fringe, usually neatly resting in front of his forehead, his temples, have fallen back. He’s got a nice face, Erwin notes, despite already knowing that. "I don’t fucking trust you." 

"I’m making you relax!"

"I told you, I /can’t/, I- what? What’s so funny, shithead?"

Erwin can’t help but lean back as he laughs, loud and wholeheartedly as Levi looks /genuinely/ offended. "You’re an ass, Smith, you-"

"Nothing! Nothing’s funny, you’re just- no, nothing, just close your eyes, listen."

Levi offers him another glare, but closes his eyes. Somehow, he manages to make himself look absolutely ridiculous, and Erwin fights hard not to laugh.

"Relaxing usually involves not clenching your muscles, Levi."

"Shut up, you big fucking… shit, how am I meant to relax when you’re watching me like a damn stalker, huh? I can feel you stare."

Erwin rolls his eyes, albeit with a smile on his face. "Alright, here," he says, laying down next to him, on his back. "Happy?"

Levi opens his eyes, ever so slightly. Watches Erwin as he settles, closes them again. He hums.

"Alright. Just… relax."

"Great instructing, shithead."

"No, no, come on. Listen to the birds, focus on that."

Levi stills. Erwin turns quietly to look, watches the man’s chest as it’s sinks, rises, sinks again. Watches his eyebrows relax, along with his shoulders. It only takes him a few seconds to let his body slump down onto the blanket. "…And…" Erwin continues softly. "Feel the way the sun peeks through the branches?"

Levi says nothing. Takes a deep breath. "Just… two things. Two /good/ things. Just let that calm you."

Levi doesn’t fall asleep. But he’s calm, and remains so for at least five minutes. When he finally gets up, Erwin suspects it’s out of embarrassment for having laid down so long in the first place. "… Good?"

"… I guess."

Erwin smiles. "You did good."

"I did nothing."

"That’s the point."

Levi snorts. "You handing out rewards for laying on your ass and listening to birds?"

Erwin hums. Looks around himself, glances at the grass. Picks out a small, yellow flower, places it behind Levi’s ear before he can think to stop himself.

Levi’s shoulders tense immediately and for a second, Erwin thinks he’s overstepped. But they sink again as he looks away. His nose is red. "… Thanks for inviting us, Erwin."

Erwin smiles. Something washes over him, relief maybe. But as Levi turns to face him, he’s got pink cheeks and gentle eyes, he’s got high cheekbones and fuck, he’s smiling so softly, and Erwin realises it’s not relief, it’s something else. They look at each other now. Silently, gently, free of tension. Comfortable. Warm. Levi’s lips look soft. His eyebrows are turned up, and Erwin’s heart is pounding in his chest.

"…Levi, can… can I…"

"Please," Levi whispers.

Erwin is slow as he approaches, careful as he reaches his hand out to rest it against Levi’s cheek. Strokes the skin there gently as he leans in, watches Levi’s eyelashes as his eyes flutter shut. He lingers as he closes his own, lets out a small breath when he feels Levi’s nose brush against his own. Erwin parts his lips, leans in…

"Daddy! Daddy, help!"

The glass door slides open with a thud, and before Historia manages to nudge the curtains aside, Levi has pushed him off.

"Daddy!"

Historia’s got distressed eyes and a heavy breath, and Erwin snaps back to reality. He stumbles to his feet, quick to run across the lawn to crouch down in front of her. Only then does he see she’s about to cry. Shit, is she… "Hey, hey, sunshine, hey," he says, cups her face. Thumbs the first tear off as it rolls down her cheek. "What happened? Sweetie-"

"Mikasa cut her finger," Historia hitches as she looks back to the house. "She- she needs a bandaid, I-"

Erwin sighs in half relief, looks back at Levi, who’s approaching.

"Where is she?" he asks gently, and Historia sniffles. "K-kitchen."

"There’s bandaids in the first-aid kit above the sink in the bathroom," Erwin supplies. Levi nods. His cheeks are still pink.

"I-I just… w- we wanted to make apple slices," Historia whispers. "A-and she c- she cut her finger on.. on accident."

"Hey," Erwin says, tucks a wisp of blonde hair behind her ear. "It’s okay. It’s just a cut, just like when she scraped her knee. Remember?"

"B-but…"

Historia’s whispering. She’s distressed, clearly, thankfully not as bad as she’s been before.

"… Sh-she was bleeding like.. like /a lot/ daddy, and.. and I kept thinking, and…"

"That must have been very uncomfortable," Erwin says, sits down on the poarch so Historia can sit in his lap. "But Mikasa is okay, and so are you, hm? Nothing is gonna happen. It’s just a cut, it’s not dangerous." Historia stills for a second. She nods, teary-eyed as Erwin presses a kiss in her hair.

"You didn’t panic, you came to get us right away. You did so well."

Historia sniffles. "Yeah," she agrees. "I… I even put.. put the knife in the sink before, daddy, and I didn’t cry."

Erwin chuckles. "See? I told you, didn’t I?"

Historia nods. Erwin thinks he can detect a grain of pride in there. He takes her hand and together they make their way to the kitchen. Mikasa’s sat on the kitchen island, calm as Levi wraps the bandaid around her pinky. "You shouldn’t be using knives on your own," he says as he does, voice firm. "That rule stands anywhere, not just at home, Mikasa." 

Mikasa mutters something about just wanting apple slices as Levi lifts her off the island. He sighs.

"Mr. Ackerman, you have a flower in your hair!" Historia points her finger, making Mikasa get on her tiptoes to peer over the counter.

"Yeah!" she yaps. "Lebi, where did you get that?"

Levi lets out a dismissive ‘tsk,’ turns so the girls won’t see how his cheeks have gone red.

"Yeah, Levi," Erwin teases. "Where did you get that?"

"Dunno. I was sleeping outside. Maybe some big garden gnome left it there."

"Garden gnomes aren’t alive," Historia accuses. Levi simply shrugs. Takes the flower out, places it on the counter.

The hours pass, and it’s as if Levi’s forgotten what happened.

The girls run upstairs at some point, presumably to retrieve Mikasa’s clothes, and Erwin looks at him from across the kitchen. 

"… So."

Levi looks up. "So?"

"Bad timing for a cut, huh?"

Levi turns away. "It’s a cut. Any time is bad timing."

Erwin doesn’t say anything. Neither does Levi. Maybe he overstepped it with the teasing. He drives Levi and Mikasa back to their apartment, where the shorter man offers him a nod, before he turns to walk off. Erwin thinks he’s starting to regret it.

Maybe he should be regretting it, too. 

The next day is Friday. Work is busy - an intern messes up a shipment going out to their biggest client. In a way, it’s a nice distraction. You can’t worry about the janitor at your 5-year-old’s school possibly not liking you back when you’re answering 5 phone calls from furious superiors a minute. Still, Erwin can’t help but worry when it’s 2:40 and he’s still not at school. He wonders if Levi’s upset. Maybe he’s relieved. Maybe he didn’t go there at all. At 2:55 Hannes calls. "Go home," he tells him. "You’ve gotta get your kid, right?"

It’s nearly 3:10 when he gets there. Still, he can’t help but be disappointed when the hallway is empty.

He takes Historia’s hand, walks out half-heartedly. While he straps her in, she asks if he’s sad. He smiles, ruffles her hair. Tells him work was busy. She hugs him. Erwin feels a little better.

He pulls out of the car-lot, accidentally swears when some incompetent bastard cuts him off. "You can’t say that!" Historia yaps.

"Dammit!"

"Daddy!"

"Sorry! Fuc- Sorry, sunshine. They’ll let /anyone/ drive these days, I swear to-"

"Daddy, look! Mika and Mr. Ackerman!"

Erwin turns his head, and sure enough, there they are. Levi’s leaned against the cracked glass of the bus shelter, cross-armed, eyes blank. Mikasa is picking dandelions in a ditch nearby. Erwin doesn’t need time to decide. Abandons all dignity.

"Let’s go say hello."

Excitedly, Historia kicks her wellies against the back of his seat. Levi looks confused when Erwin pulls in next to them. Stares at him a long second with an expression he can’t quite read. Historia rolls her window down. "Mika! Hi!" she beams, waving. Dandelions long forgotten, Mikasa runs over. "Hi!"

Erwin rolls his own window down, and Levi approaches gingerly. "Hello."

"Hey."

"Awful day at work. I couldn’t make it for 2:30, I’m sorry."

Levi rolls his eyes. "You pick your kid up when you want, Erwin. Not my business." Erwin can’t help but feel a little disappointed. "I know, but… I… yeah." Levi looks off into the distance.

"Hey, uhm… you guys should visit again. How about it, Mikasa?"

The little brunette grabs onto the car window. "Yeah!" Levi walks over, pulls her away.

"Don’t walk on the road," he reminds her. Mikasa looks longingly over at Historia, but stays by her dad. It feels like he’s making a point.

"Uh… yeah," he says though, eyes reverting to Erwin. "Yeah. When?"

Oh, thank god.

"Uhm… crisis at work today, but… hey, give me your phone. I’ll put my number in."

Suddenly, Levi seems to soften. His eyebrows relax, maybe he even smiles, Erwin can’t tell. Shoves his hand in his pocket, hands his phone over. Erwin takes it, puts his number in. Texts himself ‘Levi,’ so he’ll have his number, too. Brushes his fingers over Levi’s wrist when he hands it back. Levi stiffens.

"Text me?"

Levi nods. Doesn’t look at him. Whatever was on his face before, reminiscent of a smile, is gone. Erwin’s chest feels tight. He shouldn’t have touched him like that.

"… Are you waiting for the bus?" he tries. "I’ll drive you home, if you’d like."

Mikasa looks up at her dad, dark eyes wide and filled with something expectant.

"Uh… nah. We’ll manage."

"…Oh, alright."

"But… but Lebi!"

"Not today, Mikasa."

Erwin gives his best effort concealing his disappointment. He doesn’t do a very good job. "I’ll… text you, then?"

Levi nods. Avoids his gaze. Erwin drives off, tries not to think about it.

The weekend passes so terribly, utterly slowly, and Erwin checks his phone more often that he should. There’s never a text from Levi. He occupies himself talking to upset clients and stressed subordinates.

Erwin has to go in early on Monday. Someone from accounting fucked up, and the client is threatning to withdraw from the contract altogether. He’s stressed and irritable, snaps at Historia at one point when she refuses to brush her teeth. Regrets it instantly, apologises profusely with glassy eyes and a tight chest. That morning, Erwin’s father offers to pick her up, as well as drop her off, tells him it seems like he could need some help. Erwin gladly accepts. Maybe he’s even a little relieved he won’t have to see Levi.

Monday night, Historia’s forehead is warm and clammy. Erwin decides she’ll stay at home the next day. He’s at her bedside, stroking her hair. Checks his phone, stupidly. There’s no text.

Tuesday and Wednesday come and go. On Thursday, Mike comes over. He’s a paediatrician, knows Historia isn’t good with hospitals. He looks her over, tells Erwin she needs lots of sleep and proper food. No school until she’s fully recovered. Thursday passes, and Historia’s fever finally feigns. Erwin is exhausted. Accepts when Nile offers to drop her off Friday morning.

He’s sat at the table around noon, working his ass of getting the client to stay. He’s told them he can pull some strings, make this catastrophe up to them. His phone buzzes in his pocket, and Erwin expects an update from Hannes.

It’s Levi.

‘hi’

Erwin nearly falls out of his chair, lets out a staggering breath as his heart slams against the back of his ribs, violently.

‘Hey.’

‘why havent u been at school’

Levi answers quickly. Erwin fumbles with his pen, wonders if he’s worried. Or maybe he’s upset. Or…

‘Historia got a fever. This week has been a nightmare. How are you?’

Erwin looks down at the text. It’s not right. Too much, far too much. He erases it.

‘Historia got a fever.’

Levi takes a minute to reply this time. Erwin pretends not to care as he looks back at his computer screen, but picks his phone up embarrassingly quickly when another text pings in.

‘not monday’ it says. There’s speech bubbles at the bottom of the screen for a few short seconds, before they disappear. Then they pop up again, disappear once more.

‘No, not Monday. We nearly lost a big client, so I had to go in early. My father dropped her off.’

‘so ur coming today’

Erwin bites his lip. Can’t tell if Levi’s upset or hopeful.

‘No. Still working on the client.’

The speech bubbles pop up almost immediately. They’re there for a while, ten, fifteen seconds at least, before they disappear completely. Pop up again for longer. Erwin can feel his heart in his throat, his ears.

‘if ur ignoring me u can just say that’

Erwin’s eyes widen.

‘Ignoring you?’

‘ur not coming to school’

A few seconds pass.

‘and u never texted’

Erwin’s lips part. Levi wanted him to text. He wanted him to reach out and he didn’t, and now he thinks he’s avoiding him. A giant weight falls off the mans shoulders, and he lets out a short breath, half a laugh. He wanted him to text. In a rush, Erwin presses the call button. It rings once, twice, three times. Click.

"Levi? Levi, hello?"

"… What do you want?" Levi sounds flat, pissed. Erwin nearly laughs. He’s so relieved. "Levi- I… hey, I… I haven’t been avoiding you. Really, it’s… it’s quite the relief to even hear you say that, I-"

"Why did you, then?"

"Huh?"

"If… if what we did, which we didn’t even /do,/ made you that fucking uncomfortable, you could have just fucking said so, instead of ignoring me like a shitting teenager. I’m a grown man, I can fucking handle it."

For a few seconds, Erwin says nothing. He’s at a loss for words really, and stupidly, he manages: "…What?"

Levi says nothing. Erwin hears him let out a sound, a breath, but somehow free of air, far too upset to be a sigh.

"… This was fucking dumb. Thanks for nothing, asshole."

"Levi, wait!"

He hangs up.

Fuck. Fuck. All this time, Erwin’s been worried about overstepping, that he made Levi uncomfortable, all while Levi’s thought the exact same thing. He’s an idiot. They’re idiots. Erwin calls again. There’s no answer.

He pulls up his messages again curses when Hannes calls. Presses decline, hurries to scramble together the right words.

‘Levi, please call me. I’d like to explain this to you, preferably not through text. I haven’t been ignoring you, I promise. Please call me.’

It’s pathetic and desperate, but Erwin can’t seem to find the patience to care. He writes Hannes a quick message, tells him he’ll call back. That something important came up. His phone buzzes. Levi’s calling.

"Hello?"

Silence.

"Levi? Levi, are you there?"

"… Explain."

"R-right. Yes." He clears his throat. Tries not to sound like an idiot. "I’m not lying about work, and… and Historia really did get ill, Mike had to- no, that’s… that’s besides the point, I…"

Silence.

"I… I didn’t call because I thought I made you uncomfortable. That day at mine, after Mikasa cut her finger, you didn’t want to talk about what happened. And then, we met at the bus shelter and… you… or, rather: I touched your hand, maybe stupidly. You looked uncomfortable, and you didn’t want to look at me when I asked to drive you home. I… I figured I’d overstepped, crossed your boundaries, and that calling would make things worse."

He pauses. Levi says nothing.

"I thought you regretted it. I… I didn’t, Levi. I still don’t, I wanted… no, I /want/…" he sighs. "God, I must sound like a moron." He stops talking. He’s probably gotta learn how to do that sooner. "… If I didn’t want you to call I wouldn’t have given you my number."

"… Yes. I know. I know that, now. But… but just to be clear, you don’t- I mean… the kiss, you…"

"We didn’t kiss."

Erwin stills. Closes his eyes. "… Do you wish we did?"

The silence lasts an eternity. It’s tense, uncomfortable, and Erwin is pretty sure he could probably leap off a cliff right about now. But Levi sighs.

"…Well, yeah."

The knot in Erwin’s chest loosens, and as he draws a long breath, it evaporates completely, replaced by fireworks and small, happy explosions.

"… I do, too."

One second passes. Two, three.

"… I thought you didn’t wanna see me anymore, asshole."

"I do!" Erwin says, a bit too loudly. "I do- I’d love to see you again, Levi. Just… in person."

Levi scoffs. "Yeah. You’re kinda shit at this phone thing." Erwin sighs. Rubs his forehead. "God, I know. Trust me, I know."

"… Uh… Me and the kid could come over again. Like you said."

"Yes, please. Uhm- hold on, Levi, don’t hang up. Let me just…" Erwin peers up, looks over at his computer screen. Checks the message from Hannes.

‘Finalise new contract ASAP. They’re in if we can get them 10% off the first three months. Too much, but worth it. Can you get Kruger to approve?’

Erwin takes a breath. He can. He absolutely can. They could finish this up today.

"… Erwin?"

"I’m here! Sorry, I’m here. Are- are you free tonight? I’ve gotta finish up a few things, but… but I can be done fairly soon. Does that-"

"Tonight’s good."

"Okay… okay, great. Okay. I… if it isn’t too much to ask, uhm. Maybe there’s a bus that goes up here. Could you pick up both girls from school?"

"Uh… yeah. I can do that."

"Okay. Okay, it… it’s a plan."

"You sound like you’re about to pass out." This time, he can tell Levi is smiling. It makes him close his eyes, chuckle softly. "Don’t be surprised if I do. This week has been a nightmare."

"… Tell me about it."

Erwin sighs. Feels bad for a moment, imagines how upset Levi must have been. "… I’m excited to see you again, Levi."

"Hah. Yeah, uhm. Me too, Erw- Ah, /fuck!/" There’s a sharp clatter in the background, followed by a crash and a thud. - 

"God- fucking shit!"

Erwin blinks absentmindedly a few times. "Are… are you calling from the janitor’s closet right now?"

Silence.

"… Shut up," Levi demands, repeats it louder when Erwin laughs. "I’m gonna kick the shit out of you when I see you, Smith, you-" 

"I’m sorry! I’m sorry," Erwin laughs, "I’m sorry, hey… I’m excited to see you, Levi."

Levi scoffs, softly. "So you’ve said. Look, uh. I gotta go. This place is fucking cramped and I think I just spilled like… ten litres of soap."

Erwin chuckles. "Alright, then. Text me about the bus."

"Yeah."

Click. Erwin stares off into nothing for a good three minutes, smiles like an idiot.

Levi texts him an hour later.

‘the 23 stops near ur place. can u call the school and tell them im picking historia up’

 

‘😄👍. Yup, will do! Any dinner request?’

 

‘ur gonna cook? im not sure im ready for that’

 

‘☹️. Maybe I’m ordering takeout?’

 

‘every day i lose more and more respect for u’

Erwin smiles at his phone. There’s heat gathering in his chest. For the first time in days, his muscles feel at ease.

‘anythings fine. m doesn’t like peppers tho’

 

‘Noted👍’

Erwin spends the next hour finishing up the new contract. Sends it to Kruger, calls him to tell him about it. He’s hesitant, but agrees. Tells him if this goes South, it’s on him. Still, Erwin feels optimistic. At two, he calls the school. Tells them Levi is picking up Historia, texts him to let him know. He looks over the contract. Kruger is right, if this ends badly, he’ll be to blame, even if it wasn’t his fuck-up. He removes an unnecessary comma, feels his phone buzz in his pocket.

It’s Nile.

"Nile, hey. I’m a little busy-"

"Erwin."

Erwin halts. Something’s wrong. "Yeah?"

"I’m with Historia. Levi’s trying to get her on a bus."

"Wh-"

"He says you asked him to, but obviously… Well, I wasn’t comfortable just standing by." Erwin’s eyes are wide as he listens, struggling to comprehend what’s going on. "…Nile, what? You… you what?"

"If you want-"

"Jesus Christ, Nile, I asked him to pick her up, they’re on their way to mine!" Erwin exclaims, upset.

Nile pauses.

"… Okay, uh. They’re taking the 23, does that-"

"Yes! What- Shit, Nile, let them leave!"

"/Okay,/ Jesus, Erwin. Fine. I just figured I’d let you know. There’s-" Erwin hangs up. Fumbles with his phone, curses when he hits the wrong one. Calls Levi. There’s no response. Texts him instead.

 

‘Did he leave?’

 

‘yea’

 

‘I’m so sorry, Levi. That must have been so uncomfortable.’

 

‘its fine’

 

Erwin sighs. Rubs his neck, wonders how he can make it up to him. Tells him he’ll see him soon, apologises again. Levi doesn’t respond. He sends the contract to accounting. Marks the email as urgent, tells them to look it over. Forgets to feel bad for the poor bastard who has to look over the numbers when the door clicks open, and two girls sprint inside.

"Hi, daddy!"

"Hey, sweetheart! Welcome home!" Erwin says, peers over to the mirror to check his hair. There’s no pomade in there today. He hopes Levi won’t mind. "Hi, Mr. Smith!" Mikasa smiles as she runs past, probably in pursuit of the trampoline. "Hey, Mikasa! I- girls, the porch is wet, careful so you don’t slip!"

Erwin sighs as his warning is promptly ignored, and the two run across the wet wood boards anyway. The door creaks. Levi. He looks uncomfortable where he’s stood, leaned against the doorframe, all tense shoulders and sheepish gazes. "Hey," Erwin says, gets up to approach him. Levi shoots him a small smile. It’s not genuine. "… Levi, I’m so sorry. Nile-"

"S’ whatever."

"It’s not whatever. He had no right-"

"He was just looking out for her. I’d want him to do the same for Mikasa. S’ fine."

Erwin looks at him. Whether it was the right thing to do is one thing, whether Levi’s okay is completely different. He wants to comfort him. But Levi’s a man of few words, and Erwin suspects traditional words of comfort will put him off. Still, he’s clearly upset. His eyes are blank as he looks at Erwin’s fingers, the hem of his shirt. Anything that isn’t him.

"Hey." Erwin reaches over, fingers slow and careful as they find Levi’s own. Levi looks up at him. "When Nile was in college there was this girl he really liked."

The shorter man blinks, looks up at him.

"Somehow, he got it in his head that she really liked German alt-rock. The guy memorised a whole song, in German. I’m talking horrible, horrible German. Replaced whatever name in the song with hers, proceeded to serenade her while tapping a pen against a CD-case so he could ‘keep the beat.’"

Levi’s lips part slightly. The corners of his mouth turn up, and finally, he snorts, looks down with a smile. A real one this time. Erwin laughs, squeezes his hand. "The guy’s an idiot," he smiles. "Always has been, always will be. Alright?"

Levi keeps his eyes on the floor, still smiling. He squeezes Erwin’s hand back. "… Kinda figured. That haircut."

"Don’t get me started on the haircut."

Levi snorts, looks up. Shoots him a smile to show him he’s okay. "I’ve still got some work to finish up. A few emails and a call or two. Shouldn’t be more than forty minutes, then I can start up dinner."

"Okay. But I’ll only accept the work-excuse so many times, Smith."

Erwin squeezes his hand once more. "Noted, Captain."

Levi slides the glass door open, and Erwin returns to his computer screen. Just a little more. He sends the email to accounting, emails his secretary a copy. Another twenty minutes, and they give him the all clear. When Petra, his secretary, sends him:

‘Looks good :) One typo, corrected it for you. Page three. Sending it over to Hannes now. Have a good weekend, Sir!’

Erwin thinks he could melt into the floor with relief. It’s done. It’s fucking done. He slams his laptop shut, gathers his papers into a grand, disorganised pile.

Outside, Historia and Mikasa are showing Levi tricks on the trampoline. He announces he’s done, and the girls cheer, excited for dinner. It’s only then Erwin realises he’s forgotten to run to the shop, of course. The four of them peer into the unimpressive pantry in the kitchen. Pasta, half a bag of rice and a few cans of tomato. Erwin says he’ll go to the store, but Levi stops him. Asks if they have onions, garlic, spices. Starts rummaging around the kitchen like a mouse, peering into cabinets, shelves, fridge. Announces he’ll cook. Erwin’s hesitant. Levi’s a guest and he’s tired, and he’s promised he’d make dinner. Levi rolls his eyes. Tells him he’s probably a better cook anyway.

Levi chases them out of the kitchen, and that’s how Erwin ends up in Historia’s room. He’s assigned the role of Prince. Mikasa does his hair, pinning Historia’s pink flower hair clips to his hair, while his daughter puts a cape (her blanket) around his shoulders. And of course, it’s all topped off with a gold, plastic crown. Erwin doesn’t complain.

He hasn’t seen Historia this excited in forever, and it doesn’t take him long to get his head in the game.

Helpless, Erwin sits trapped in the dragon’s castle (Historia’s dresser), watching as the brave knight Ackerman battles his kidnapper, the mighty beast Historia.

"I’m up here! Help me, brave knight!" Erwin calls, smiling as Historia roars. "You’ll have to get through /me/ first, knight!" she says, quickly pausing to adjust her horns (bee antennas).

Mikasa furrows her brows, sparing no second to charge forward, foam sword in hand. "I’ll save you, Prince!"

"Hurry, please!" Erwin calls, partly for the game, partly because Historia’s dresser is swaying some. Historia roars again, stops suddenly. "And… and then, Mika, I can breathe fire, so now I shoot a fireball at you."

Oh my.

Mikasa nods enthusiastically, and within seconds she’s on the floor, rolling over to the side. "And… and then! I get up," the little knight announces as she gets to her feet. "And my sword was hit by fire, and now it’s really hot!"

"But… but the sword would burn up!" Historia says, scratching her head. Mikasa peers down to the foam sword in her hand. "No, it…" She appears unsure. Pauses to think. "What if… what if my sword has magic powers, and … and it doesn’t even burn in fire?"

Historia nods. "Okay! But then, I kick your sword away!"

"Yeah! And I run to the … to here," Mikasa says, skipping over to the bed. "And there’s a new sword, because you’ve killed so many knights before."

"I kick that one, too."

"Oh."

Erwin watches as brave knight Mikasa battles the mighty dragon with her bare hands. It ends up in a tickle war. It doesn’t seem like Prince Erwin will be saved anytime soon.

"Hey, dinner’s nearly ready, can-" Levi freezes in the doorway, eyes locked onto Erwin. His eyebrows turn up, lips parted, and suddenly breaks out in a long, searing laughter. It’s a loud laugh, a real one, the type that can’t be forced or stopped by will, and Erwin’s eyes widen as Levi squeezes his eyes shut, slinging an arm over his stomach. "What?" Erwin smiles. "It’s like you’ve never seen a kidnapped prince before."

Levi wills himself to breathe, rubbing his face as the girls run over. "Lebi! Look, I’m a knight!"

"And I’m a dragon!"

Levi takes a deep breath. Rests a hand on Historia’s shoulder. "Is that so, huh?"

"Mhm, and daddy’s the prince!"

Levi looks up at (the still kidnapped) Erwin. His eyes are soft and his smile is so warm, so appreciative and… genuine. "That, he is," he says warmly. "Dinner’s ready," he repeats. "Go set the table."

Mikasa and Historia wander off, excited squeals fading as they make their way downstairs. Erwin slings a leg off the dresser. It sways, ever so slightly.

"Careful, Prince," Levi snorts. He reaches his hand out and Erwin takes it, carefully getting down from the dresser. "My saviour."

"No luck with that knight, huh?"

"Oh, she made great efforts. But her and the dragon were having some disagreements regarding the logistics of a magic sword. I didn’t think I’d ever be saved."

Levi sighs. Smiles as he watches him. "You’re an idiot, Smith." They’re close again. If Erwin leans down now, their noses would touch. "So harsh," he says lowly. Brings his hand up to tuck a black wisp of hair behind Levi’s ear. "I was just kidnapped, you know."

Levi smiles. Brings his hand up to rest over Erwin’s own, the one that’s still by his ear. Strokes it gently with his thumb. "Idiot, idiot prince," he whispers. Erwin’s smile falters as he watches Levi carefully. The pink flush of his cheeks, his eyelashes. Erwin brings his hand down to cup his face, caressing his cheekbone. Leans forward to bridge the gap.

The kiss is chaste. Gentle. Levi’s lips are soft against his own, and as Erwin sighs into if, the shorter man brings his hand down to rub at his chest. Erwin’s hand glides down to his waist. Pulls him in, needs him closer. They part. Levi looks up at him, breathless.

"… There we go," Erwin says.

Levi sighs, as if he’s relieved. Rubs his hands against Erwin’s chest again. "… You should have just called," he whispers.

"... I know. I’m sorry."

Levi smiles, faintly. Closes his eyes as Erwin rests his forehead against Levi’s own.

"… Sorry I called you all that shit all over the phone," Levi mutters. "I was pissed."

Erwin shakes his head. "I’m very grateful you reached out, Levi."

Levi nods. Opens his eyes again to cup his face. Drags his fingers across the stubble there, before reaching up to adjust his crown.

"… Fuckin’ weird to do this when you look like that. You look fucking ridiculous."

"Hey. That’s no way to talk to a prince." 

Levi slaps his chest. Kisses him again.

"C’mon then, your highness," he mutters, lips still brushing against Erwin’s own. "Dinner awaits." 

When Erwin suggests a sleepover a few hours later, the girls are ecstatic. Historia is practically jumping with glee where she stands, while Mikada tugs on Levi’s sleeve, pouty lips and wide eyed. "Please!" she begs. "Please, Lebi, please! I won’t get homesick, I won’t cry, and-"

"Okay, okay!" Levi chuckles, holds his hands up defensively. "Okay. But you better call to say good night. Got that?" Mikasa shrieks in joy and Historia is quick to follow, one incoherent squeal of celebration overpowering the other. Levi borrows Erwin’s car to pick up Mikasa’s toothbrush, as well as her teddy, to minimise chances of sudden homesickness. Erwin helps the girls make the bed, while Mikasa gets free reign to choose one of Historia’s pyjamas.

When Levi returns, they’re already in their pyjamas, eager to get on with the night following Erwin (somewhat reluctantly) letting them borrow his laptop to watch a movie. They’re allowed a bowl of popcorn as well as a juice box each, and huddled together beneath the bedcovers, they watch some Disney movie Erwin hasn’t heard of.

Levi is clearing up dinner when he comes back, which absolutely won’t do - he made it in the first place. So Erwin has him sit down while he cleans up plates, glasses, cutlery.

There’s talk of Levi leaving. He’s got a bus to catch, and it’s already gone seven. But conversation is pleasant and each subject seems to lead to another automatically, and Erwin realises he doesn’t /want/ him to go. He’s about to gather his things at one point - it’s just gone eight, and he really needs to go. But that priority is pushed down to passionately convince Erwin that /no,/ he /isn’t/ lying - he really /cant/ get drunk.

It’s 8:42 when Erwin goes to check on the girls. He finds them both asleep, popcorn half eaten and movie still playing in the background. While he clears up, quietly, Levi sits by their bedside, stroking Mikasa’s cheek. "Night, duckling," Erwin hears him whisper at one point, before leaning down to kiss her temple.

"Hey. You’re not driving, are you?"

Levi looks over at him from where he’s sat, in the living room sofa. "Don’t have a car, Smith. No."

"Well then, master of sobriety, would you mind sharing a bottle of wine with me?"

"I /told/ you, I’m /not/ lying!"

"I’ll have to see for myself," Erwin laughs, ducking as Levi chucks one of Historia’s stuffed animals at him.

Over wine, conversation flows just as nicely as it did before. One glass turns to two, and eventually two bottles. Erwin is about to tell Levi another Nile story when he hears a small sob coming from upstairs. Instantly on high alert, he excuses himself as he goes to check on his daughter. He’s swaying, ever so slightly.

A nightmare.

"Shh," he coos, rocks her back and forth as she stills in his arms. Hums to her, quietly, feels her little hands go slack as he strokes her hair. Eventually, her breathing is calm and rythmic, and Erwin carefully puts her back beside her friend again.

Levi’s got red cheeks and low eyes when he comes back. He’s sat on the sofa thumbing at his now empty wine glass.

"She ok?"

"Yeah, fine. Asleep now," he says, and Levi nods. He sits down next to him, where the dark haired man is laying on his back, legs pulled up. Erwin looks at him a moment. Smiles. Levi snorts. Grips Erwin’s shirt to pull him down.

"C’mon, then."

The kiss starts out like their first. Soft, careful, lingering looks and gentle touches. Still, it’s not long before it evolves into hungry panting and grabby hands, firm tugs of hair and sharp gasps. Levi’s slid one of his legs off the side of the sofa to grant Erwin better access, and that’s how he finds himself laid over him, thumbing at the sides of the shorter man’s head, where his hair is short and brisk to touch. At one point, they part momentarily, and Levi hiccups. They both stare at each other in half surprise before Erwin laughs. "I /knew/ you were lying about the sober thing."

"Shut /up,/" Levi laughs, brings his hands around his head to pull Erwin down once more. 

Erwin doesn’t quite register it when Levi parts his lips. He’s too busy - too busy pulling Levi closer by the waist, feeling the roll of his hips against Erwin’s own, the wet sounds of their tongue as they move together, hungry, desperate. Levi tastes like red wine and breath mints, and fuck, he’s making the prettiest little sounds - soft moans and mewls muffled against the press of Erwin’s lips, his tongue. It doesn’t take long before his patience falters, though, and Levi dips down to kiss at Erwin’s jaw, his neck, bruising and insistent, and Erwin wonders if he can feel his pulse there, quick and intense. Maybe that’s what makes Levi linger there, breath heavy as he kisses him, and Erwin nuzzles his nose against his hair. He doesn’t know what he expected Levi to smell like. Detergent, maybe, clean to the point of sterility, faint signs of bleach and sweat, given his profession. He noses against those black strands now, and finds that not to be the case. Levi smells clean, yes, but not the kind you’ll find in hospitals or freshly washed hallways. No, it’s the sort of purity you’ll find in a cold mountain stream, or warm breeze. Something neutral, yet so uniquely his, and as Levi lowers himself further, Erwin thinks he can make out the faint scent of dry herbs, peppermint, perhaps.

Whatever it is, it reminds Erwin of spring.

Levi’s touch is warm as he caresses Erwin’s sides, pushing his tshirt up to reveal warm, rosy skin. He spares no second to press his mouth to it, kissing at his collarbones, the place between his pecs. When he latches onto a nipple, Erwin gasps, hands tugging at Levi’s hair in surprise, as if for leverage. It’s a hot sensation, a rushing one, amplifying the heat in Erwin’s lower abdomen quicker than he can process. It’s like the very beginning of a crackling fire has taken place in his belly, warm and explosive and just so fucking /good,/ and Erwin finds himself thinking the touch of another hasn’t felt this intense in… years.

 … Years.

His grip on Levi’s locks falters as realisation hits. Like a thick fog, an invasive one, slithering its way through his mind, muddling everything together. Suddenly, the intensity of nothing but pure pleasure mere seconds ago, turns electric and sharp. The crackling fire becomes a knot, tight and thick, and everything feels wrong, so wrong. Erwin’s nerves are on fire, chest heavy and tight, and suddenly the touch of Levi’s tongue is invasive and frictious, as if it’ll leave burn marks on his skin. "W-wait. Wait, Levi, stop."

Erwin closes his eyes the second the word ‘stop’ tumbles from his lips. He lets out a sigh, half-disappointed, half-defeated as he slings his arm over his face. Levi’s sat up, he thinks, based on the dip of the sofa and the loss of his breath against his skin.

Goddammit. God fucking dammit.

"… Erwin?"

"Sorry. I’m sorry." Erwin lets out a trembling sigh where he’s sat. Leans back so the armrest digs into his back, presses the heels of his palms onto his eyes till he sees little sparks. It doesn’t help.

"… Are you okay?"

Levi sounds worried, maybe even a little scared. When Erwin opens his eyes he finds him tense and breathless, flushed cheeks and furrowed brows. Goddammit. He fucked up. Again. Levi is here, somehow, after that absolute trainwreck of a misunderstanding from last week he’s still here, and he’s got pretty red lips and smooth, flushed skin, and here Erwin is, pushing him away. He wants this. He wants Levi, he knows he does. But he’s acting like he doesn’t, /again,/ and at this point, he wouldn’t be surprised if Levi simply gathered his things and left. But as Erwin rubs his eyes once more, Levi scoots closer, placing a tentative hand on his knee. "…Erwin, what’s wrong? Did… did I-"

"No! No, it’s not you. Shit. It’s not. Hah, it-"

Erwin sighs, rubs his temples, closes his eyes. Levi’s drawn back again. Their legs aren’t touching anymore and he’s pulled his hand back, only sits tense as he waits. Erwin looks at him, heart slamming against his chest. Tries to laugh, but it comes out stressed and breathless. “... Sorry,” he repeats. He must sound moronic. Or insane. "I’m fine, I promise."

Levi looks at him, not quite believing it. How could he, when Erwin was moaning into his mouth a mere minute ago, and now he’s pathetic and tense, on the opposite end of the sofa? “... Did you not like it when I did that?"

“No, I- I did. I did, Levi, I loved it, I-"

Oh my god. Erwin furrows his brows as he rubs at his temples. Takes a moment to muster the words.

“I want this,” he assures. “I want you, I’m just… I’m being…”

Levi looks at him. Maybe patiently, Erwin can’t tell.

“... I’m nervous,” he admits, stupidly.

There’s a pause. Tense and heavy for two, three seconds before Levi reaches out, and suddenly slender fingers are on his cheek, gentle and slow. "This fine?" Levi asks. Erwin nods. Levi nods back, as if he’s remembering for later. “When uh… when was the last time you…?” he stumbles, somewhat awkwardly.

Erwin sighs. Swallows to coat his dry throat. “Just over two years."

If Levi’s surprised, he doesn’t show it. His face is still gentle, as is his touch over Erwin’s cheek. He nods. “... Too much at once?"

Erwin chews on his lip. That’s certainly what it felt like, but they’d barely even done anything.

"Too quick?" Levi prompts, interrupting his train of thought. Erwin looks down at Levi’s free hand, resting against his own knee. A bit reluctantly, he nods.

Levi says nothing for a second. It’s tense and heavy, and Erwin’s still not sure whether Levi will want to go through with this anymore. Not until warm lips are on his, gentle, careful. Levi’s leaned over, still keeping his distance like that, halting the movements of his fingers to kiss him, simple and sweet. "We’ll go slow. It’s too much, we’ll go watch a movie or some shit. How’s that?"

Erwin sighs. “... Yeah. That’s… good." Levi smiles, faintly. He dips down again, gentle as he kisses him. "Okay," he mutters against his lips. "… It’s just me, y’know." Finally, Erwin meets his eye.

It’s an obvious thing. Of course he knows who’s kissing him, who’s laying over him. Still, hearing the obvious pointed out is a reassurance. Because it /is/ just Levi. Levi, who understands him, who doesn’t treat him like a trainwreck on two legs. Who’s upfront and honest, who’s hung on despite all their mishaps. It’s just Levi.

“... I know.”

Just as Levi said, they take it slow - chaste kisses and gentle touches. Still, it doesn’t take long before Erwin’s worked up again - Levi is half-dressed and rosy-cheeked, moaning sweetly against his lips, and as he whines Erwin’s name so, so breathlessly, he’s had enough. He pushes Levi up against his bedroom door as he kisses him, deep and senseless, fingers fumbling with belts, buttons, zippers.

Erwin takes his time getting Levi’s out of his shirt - each button reveals new, soft skin, a freckle, a scar. The dark trail of hair of his abdomen, the smooth skin of his thighs. Erwin needs time to take it all in. To kiss each curve, lap his tongue against each crevice.

Levi is not a patient man. He’s half hard already, moaning sweetly as he rolls his hips up against Erwin’s leg. It’s endearing, really. Watching Levi, usually so calm, so stern, work himself up like this, until he’s a writhing, trembling mess in his arms. 

"Bed," Levi gasps, tugging at his hair as Erwin presses a kiss to his thigh. "Erwin, bed."

He’s so impatient. Erwin ignores him - he wants to kiss him more, grab at his asscheeks, rub his cheek against Levi’s cock, throbbing and aching. Levi isn’t having it, and suddenly he’s pulling him along, knuckles white where they’re clenched in his shirt. "Fucking tease," he groans, moving back against the headboard as Erwin chuckles, pulling his own shirt off. He’ll give Levi what he needs. Of course he will. But they’ve only just started, and there’s still so much to explore, to touch, to taste. He doesn’t miss the way Levi shivers beneath him as his fingers brush past nipple, the pink skin of it hard and firm. Erwin takes one between his fingers, pinches, rolls. Watches Levi’s mouth fall open, the pace of his hips quickening as he ruts up against Erwin’s thigh. 

"O-oh!"

Poor thing. He’s so sensitive. Carefully, Erwin puts his mouth over Levi’s other nipple, gives it a firm and bruising suck. Grazes his teeth over it as Levi’s hands roam over his back, his neck, desperate for leverage, relief, something. “F-fuck- Erwin…”

Erwin closes his eyes, relishing in the soft moans above him. He’s the one making Levi feel like that. Making him squirm and gasp, desperately rut up against him. Him. He takes his sweet time riling Levi up like that until he’s lax in Erwin’s arms, panting and mewling so sweetly where he’s laid back against the pillows. Erwin looks up at him, and god, Levi’s cheeks are flushed, there are droplets of sweat forming along his forehead as if they’ve been at this for hours. He’s barely touched him.

"… God, Levi." 

Erwin sinks down to press their lips together once more, spares no second to dip in as Levi parts his lips, inviting.

Levi’s kissing him like he’s got time, touching him like it’s his last chance to do so. His fingers are quick and light as they roam over his chest, palms rubbing at the muscle there as if he’s in a rush to memorise each edge, each shape. When Erwin leans against the headboard, he dips down to taste him, too, licking and kissing and bruising his chest, his sides, his stomach.

He’s far more generous than Erwin was, that’s for sure - he gives Erwin’s cock a gentle squeeze through the fabric of his underwear, clearly amused when Erwin gasps, bucks his hips up for more. Levi isn’t planning on being cruel, it seems. He mouths at Erwin’s thigh as he gives him a careful stroke, flicks his thumb over the damp spot in his boxers, where Erwin’s precum is seeping through. It’s not much, only a fraction of what’s to come, surely, but still - Erwin is gasping and writhing where he’s sat, rutting up into Levi’s palm like a damn dog. It has been a while, he supposes.

"You still okay, big guy? You want me to keep going?"

Erwin looks down. Wordlessly, he nods, and Levi raises an eyebrow.  Somehow, he knows Levi isn’t asking because of what happened back in the living room. Erwin knows how he must look right now - messy haired, the tips of his ears red, hazed eyes and a sweaty forehead. Levi knows he wants this. He knows he’s desperate, and if he didn’t, he definitely finds out now, as the shorter man nuzzles his nose against the base of his dick, making Erwin groan. Levi’s got him exactly where he wants him. "Hm?"

“P-please, Levi-”

Levi snorts at the sudden impatience. Erwin ought to be embarrassed, perhaps, but Levi pulls his underwear down and Erwin is throbbing, the fat head of his cock swollen and red, and he can’t find the will to care. "Fuck, you’re big."

Erwin groans as Levi gives the underside of his cock a few, slow licks. Kisses the head ever so gently, wetting it, before looking up at him. "Not sure I can fit this down my throat,” he says. Rubs the head against the flat of his tongue before putting his mouth over it, sucking. “Mh… Doesn’t really matter though. There’s other places I’d rather have you stick it in.”

"Levi- oh, fuck-" 

Erwin trails off into a groan as Levi swirls his tongue around the head, pushes down. Hollows his cheeks as he groans, bobs his head. Pulls off with an obscene sound, using the leftover mess of precum and saliva to give him a few, slow strokes. There’s lube in Erwin’s bedside drawer, though it hasn’t been used for more than a sad wank for quite some time. As Levi pulls off him to rummage through his drawers with no luck, Erwin begins to fear that he’s thrown it away, probably one of the  many days the self-pity was high and Erwin sat in his car crying to Billie Eilish ("She’s quite good, that Billy!" he’d told Petra, who had snorted so hard her coffee splattered across the table. Erwin can’t keep up with teenagers anymore). 

But low and behold, there’s a small bottle tucked beneath an old shirt Erwin never uses anymore, and he smiles as Levi sits down in his lap, moaning against Erwin’s shoulder as the taller man massages at his entrance, pressing and stroking and teasing until Levi’s writhing in his arms. He groans as Erwin pushes in, muffling a whine against  the crook of the blonde’s neck.

 “You okay?” he whispers.

“Y-yeah, shit.” 

Erwin smiles, nods as moves his finger in slow, experimental pumps. It’s messy at first, and probably not very comfortable, but he’s pressing soft kisses along Levi’s shoulder when the man suddenly tenses, gasps sharply. At first, Erwin thinks he’s hurt him, but Levi melts into his lap with a moan, rolls his hips to meet Erwin halfway. "There?" 

"F-fuck, yeah, right there," Levi groans, movements gradually growing more desperate as he rocks his hips back against his fingers. Erwin adds another, and eventually a third, at which point Levi is all soft mewls and breathy moans as he fucks himself back against Erwin’s hand.

“M’ready,” he gasps at one point. Climbs off on wobbly legs and spares no second to bend over, ass in the air and face in the pillows. The sight is… well, fuck, it’s mouthwatering - Levi’s entrance is swollen, wet with remnants of lubricant as it twitches. Poor man, his cock looks like it’s aching - red and throbbing where it lay resting against the sheets, leaking with precum. “C’mon, m’ready.”

 Erwin nearly laughs at the sudden hastiness of it all. He leans over to rub at one of the cheeks, runs his thumb across the rim of his hole, eliciting a sharp gasp falling from Levi’s lips. Erwin runs his hands along his back, up his shoulders, ever slow, gentle. “On your back,” he says. “I’d like to watch you.”

Levi turns his face. If he wasn’t red before, he definitely is now - maybe the idea of Erwin watching him is arousing to him, in which case, Erwin agrees. He clearly isn’t against the idea, because wordlessly, Levi turns, propping his head back against the pillows once he’s laid on his back, spreads his legs oh, so slowly, black hair sprawled out over the pillows. Erwin can’t help but touch him, strong hands rubbing at Levi’s waist, his chest, his thighs. Flicks his thumb over his dick as he reaches for the lube again, coats himself up generously. 

As he lines the fat head of his cock up against Levi’s pretty, lube-slicked hole, he has half a mind to keep his eyes there. Watch as Levi stretches around him, as his body takes him in. No, he doesn’t want that, he decides. Settles on watching the man beneath him, and god, what a choice that is.

Levi’s face goes slack, mouth falling open in a silent cry as Erwin pushes in, slowly, carefully.

"A-ah! Shit, oh! Oh!"

 That sultry, flirtatious edge Levi’s voice took on a mere few minutes before this has completely evaporated now, replaced with something frantic and high-pitched, and he grips Erwin’s arm as his head tilts back.

It’s tight. Fuck, he’s tight, and he’s warm, pulling him in, and God, he’s making the most desperate little sounds beneath him, drool gathering at the corner of his mouth, cock spilling precum all over his stomach.

 "H-hey, you okay?" Erwin asks, voice strained. "Does it hurt?"

Levi shakes his head where he lay, lax in his arms. "M’fine. K-keep going."

"Maybe we should stretch you some m-"

"Erwin, fu-fucking move! Please, I- shit, oh-need you."

Need you.

Erwin groans, reaches down to give Levi’s cock a few, generous strokes to help him relax as he pushes in further, bit by bit. Watches as he bottoms out, finally, letting out a shivering sob. Levi’s face is slack and sweaty, mouth open as he adjusts, whereas Erwin is holding onto the headboard for dear life, desperately willing himself not to go absolutely ham on Levi’s poor ass.

They lay like that for a minute, the smallest rolls of hips as they kiss, groaning into each other’s mouths. "God," Erwin moans. "God, you feel good. You’re so good."

Levi lets out a breathy laugh, cups his face. "Says you." 

Through the wet sounds of kisses, Erwin gives a few, experimental thrusts. Levi lets out a trembling moan, arms clutching around Erwin’s neck to keep him close, in place. 

“F-fuck, that’s good,” he groans, wraps his legs around Erwin’s waist as they settle into a slow-paced rhythm.

It’s clumsy and warm at first. They kiss, messy and erratic, lips accidentally landing on chins or noses as Erwin picks up his pace. Levi’s clinging to him like his life depends on it, panting heavily as Erwin presses his forehead to Levi’s own. He’s cradling the shorter man’s head, holding him in place like that, all while thrusting into him again and again, the only sounds present skin hitting skin, the soft panting from both of them.

Levi is looking up at him now, soft, gentle eyes and upturned brows as Erwin thrusts into him, and suddenly there’s warmth in his chest, a tickling sort of warmth, pooling in his stomach and up his chest. Levi’s eyes widen then - there’s something about them, something warm and heavy and important.

Erwin looks back at him, eyes soft and gentle, as if he’s looking at something precious. He is looking at something precious. 

Suddenly, Levi’s eyes are glassy and a whine tumbles from his lips, and Erwin knows it’s the same. He’s about to stroke his cheek when Levi turns his face, squeezes his eyes shut as if to forget, focuses on the rocking his hips up against Erwin’s own. 

 Erwin considers him through hazed eyes, before dipping down. Mouths wet kisses along his jaw, works his way up to his ear.

“Keep looking at me, baby,” he whispers. “It felt good, didn’t it?”

Levi whines where he lay, grasping at the back of Erwin’s neck as he shakes his head. “... S’... s’too good,” he sobs. “I can’t- I- oh, oh!” 

 “What, Levi?” he asks. It isn’t meant to come out authoritative and demanding, but it does, and Levi buries his face in the crook of Erwin’s neck once more, desperate to muffle his moaning. “S- oh!”

 “You felt it too, right?” Erwin pants. Levi whines as he tilts his head, back arching as Erwin rolls into him, carefully, firmly. 

"… S’- s’too m-much, I ain’t… I ain’t felt like this before, Erwin, I-” he sobs, grip on Erwin’s neck tight. “I ain’t been fucked like this before, oh!”

 God.

Erwin lowers himself once more, cups Levi’s face as he moves. “Does it feel good?”

When Levi looks back up at him, he’s blank-eyed and soft, presumably a bit emotional. “... Y-yes, fuck,” he whispers. 

Erwin smiles softly, watching as Levi’s jaw slacks. They’re looking at each other again, like they were before, Levi gripping at Erwin’s face to keep him close. It’s so intense, so loaded with an emotion and a tension Erwin doesn’t quite understand. All he knows is that heat is gathering in his belly, and that Levi’s gaining confidence - he isn’t looking away anymore, not even for a minute, rolling his hips up against him as he watches him intently, panting, moaning.

“That’s it,” Erwin whispers. “That’s it, be here with me. I’m gonna take care of you.” 

That particular set of words seems to really rile Levi up for some reason; he’s moaning and panting, desperately clawing at Erwin’s back for dear life. “That’s it, take what you need,” Erwin encourages, his lips grazing by the shell of Levi’s ear. “God, you’re so beautiful.”

At that, Levi cums, suddenly and without warning, so hard it sprays across his own chest. Erwin stares, surprised, and Levi considers the mess with wide eyes, a scrunched up, red nose. They’re silent for a second, two, before Erwin chuckles softly, leans in to kiss his cheek. “I told you it would feel good.”

“Fuck, just… hhh,” Levi sighs, looking down at himself, still panting as he comes down from his high. “I ain’t… I ain’t usually...”

Levi looks genuinely upset where he lay beneath him, humiliation tinting his cheeks, his nose, the tips of his forehead. He’s looking away, not at Erwin and certainly not at the mess of his chest, and he’s grasping the sheets tightly. Erwin presses wet kiss against his neck, partly for reassurance, partly because he’s so close to climax he thinks he might pass out.

“Did you like it?” he whispers. “Being close, like that?”

Levi pauses. He nods. 

Levi needs a minute, and uses Erwin’s shirt (delicately) to wipe off the worst of the mess of his chest. Once that’s done, Levi straddles his hips as he rides him. Erwin feels a little bad - Levi is oversensitive and mewling, but it doesn’t take long before the shorter man is panting, moaning, cock somehow miraculously hard again.

“L-Levi,” he warns after a while, when his belly is tense and his cock aching. “Levi… I’ll…”

Levi leans down, pushes his forehead against Erwin’s own. “Hm?"

“I’m- I’m close, I… Can… can I…” 

Levi moans. Gives his own dick a few strokes as he bounces in Erwin’s lap.

“Mmh?" he whispers, breathlessly. “C-can... can you, what?” 

Erwin gasps as Levi pushes down on him, harder, faster. “…M-mh, you wanna cum inside? Fill… ah, fill me up?”

“Fuck,” Erwin pants.

 “Or- ah!” Levi moans, groaning as Erwin grabs hold of his cock, wet and moist with precum. “… Or, do you wanna cum on my tits? Watch me touch them after, covered in your cum?” Erwin’s groans as he pumps Levi’s cock faster. Levi’s got him right where he wants him, and he’s close, he’s so fucking close.

"Fuck, i-inside. Inside, please, fuck."

"Y-yeah?" Levi gasps. "Come on, shit. Give it to me."

It’s not long after Erwin unravels, moaning and panting and relishing in Levi’s cries, his nails on his back, his little cries egging him on, "that’s it, fucking me so good, ah!" he cries at one point, when Erwin flips them over again so Levi’s beneath him, fucking into him hard and deep. "Fill me up, Erwin, shit," he cries, pumping his own cock, quick, tight. "I’m so fucking close, fill me up!"

When Erwin comes, it’s hard and intense, accompanied by a guttural groan and Levi’s name tumbling from his lips. He fucks Levi  through it, erratic thrusts as he spills into him, catching it when Levi comes, too - jaw slack and forehead firm against Erwin’s own.  

For a minute, all they do is stare at each other, catch their breath as their bodies settle into post-orgasmic bliss. "Shit…" Levi groans. "Fuck."

Erwin chuckles as he leans in to kiss him, chaste and soft after everything they’ve just done. Levi reaches up, fingers lazily threading through Erwin’s hair, wet with sweat.

"… You okay?" he asks, presumably because of what happened in the very beginning. Erwin smiles. "Yes. You felt incredible."

Levi snorts. "Says you. Think your cock made me astral project." Erwin laughs softly, as he lays down on top of him, thumbing slow circles against Levi’s collarbone. Relishes in the silence, the satisfaction, when it hits him. He rolls over to his side.

“Are you alright? I realise… some of that was a little intense.”

Levi doesn’t look at him, only sighs as he rolls up against him, nudging his face into Erwin’s chest as the blonde hugs him. “M’fine. It felt good.”

Erwin hums, strokes his hair. “That doesn’t mean it wasn’t overwhelming.”

Levi scoffs. “Can you relax for once in your life?” he says, leaning over, to place a quick peck on Erwin’s lips. “It felt good. I came like three seconds into it, if you couldn’t tell.”

At that, Erwin laughs softly, brings his lips down to kiss his temple. “I’m just making sure.” "Big sap."

They lay like that for some time, until Levi mumbles that they should shower. Erwin groans at the thought. He’s so comfortable, beneath the covers, Levi in his arms. "Mm. In a few minutes."

"Your cum is in my ass. I’m gonna ruin your sheets."

Erwin chuckles, eyes venturing over to the damp spots of precum to their right. "I think that ship has sailed already. Not that I mind."

Levi hums. Closes his eyes as Erwin strokes his back, kisses his temple, until his breath is calm and rhythmic.

There’s no showering that night. 

Erwin wakes up alone the following morning.

There’s sharp sunlight invading the safe lull of his sleep, and the man tugs the sheets closer around himself as he groans. It’s only then his hand brushes by the spot of something dry. In a mindless haze, he opens his eyes to see a speck of something white, and suddenly the memories come rushing back.

Levi. Levi beneath him, grabbing his face, looking up at him through thick lashes and flushed cheeks. Levi moaning in his ear, slack jawed as he came, twice. Levi who wanted him to come inside him, who rolled up against him after, sleepy.

Erwin sits up as he fully remembers last night and how good it had been, But Levi isn’t here anymore, and Erwin can’t help but feel a little disappointed. Perhaps a little hurt.

Yeah. Definitely hurt.

He spends a few minutes mustering the will it takes to get up. He walks over to the mirror, frowns a little at what he sees. His chest, stomach, scattered kisses and bites that have blossomed into a deep purple. His hair, messy and greasy from where it’s been grabbed. Remnants of Levi and the night before. A night that he guessed never meant much to Levi after all, despite the way he looked at him, the way he kissed him, soft and slow, the way-

CRASH!

Erwin’s quick to put his self-pitying on pause to pull his pyjama pants on, before rushing out to the kitchen. Historia and Mikasa have probably gotten up to something again, and -

"God… fucking shit."

Erwin blinks absentmindedly as he stops in his tracks, eyes wide as he considers Levi, back turned as he shoves the frying pan back into the sink. He’s wearing a different shirt, /Erwin’s/ shirt, and he’s got wet hair and pretty eyes and…

"Oh, hey."

Erwin looks at him, carefully. "… Hey."

Levi’s leaning against the counter, all sheepish gazes and tense shoulders. Is he… "I… uh… I was just… trying to make breakfast. But… the eggs fucking… burned to shit and I know I probably shoulda asked, but…"

Levi doesn’t get to finish that thought. Erwin’s already walked over, leaned down to bridge the gap between them, hands on Levi’s waist as he kisses him. Levi lets out a surprised yelp before he melts into it, hands firm on the counter so he doesn’t slip. "Mh… shit, you…"

"… I thought you left."

"…Ha? Leave?"

"I don’t know, you just… you weren’t in bed."

Levi lifts an eyebrow. "I heard the kids, dumbass. Figured I’d get out of your room before they came down."

At that, Erwin nods. It makes sense, of course it does. But he can’t help shake that feeling from earlier, that heavy disappointment in his stomach. Levi seems to notice. Brushes his nose up against Erwin’s own. "Was gonna wake you. But we didn’t exactly get much sleep last night, so I decided I’d let you sleep."

At that, Erwin chuckles, runs his hand down Levi’s back. "… Last night was…"

Levi smiles faintly. Rubs at his chest. "Mm."

"I’m sorry about that uh… hiccup at first."

Levi shrugs. His eyes are on his hands, firm on Erwin’s plush chest.

"Doesn’t matter. Besides," he says, voice lowering. Brings his hand down to Erwin’s stomach, fingers light over the marks from last night. Looks up at him again before he reaches down further, gives Erwin’s cock a firm squeeze. Erwin gasps where he stands. "We got to it eventually, didn’t we?"

Erwin lowers his head, closes his eyes as slender fingers graze over the bulge in his pyjamas. "Levi…"

"Your cum was still in me when I woke up this morning. I liked it, don’t get me wrong. But messy. Maybe next time, I’ll have you cum down my —"

"But why do you call him ‘Lebi?’ Can’t you just call him ‘dad,’ like I do?"

Levi releases him casually, opens the fridge to peer inside. Hair neat and oddly calm, and if Erwin hadn’t just heard him talk about his cum in his ass whilst grabbing at his dick, he’d probably think Levi had had the most ordinary morning ever.

"No, because when I was little-"

"Hey, girls."

"Lebi!"

"Mr. Ackerman! Why are you here?"

Levi nudges Erwin toward the door as he smiles, ruffles Mikasa’s hair. Tells them he missed the bus and had to sleep on the sofa. Smiles when Historia says it’s almost like they /all/ had a sleepover. Levi nods, walking past Erwin to get two plastic cups out of the cabinet. Runs his fingers along Erwin’s ass on his way back. This man might be the death of him. Erwin doesn’t think he minds. 

They start going out.

At first, Levi's hesitant about public dates, but he warms up to it quickly - holding hands in the park and tipsy kisses at local bars. Their days are repetitive. As the girls play together, they sneak pecks behind kitchen cabinet, squeeze each other hands under the counter. At night they’ll cuddle or work or watch movies or fuck, and come morning, Levi kisses Erwin’s cheek goodbye, tells him he’ll see him soon. Erwin grumbles something incoherent in half sleep every time.

Erwin massages Levi’s back, Levi brews Erwin cups of tea. Erwin wakes Levi up with soft kisses when he falls asleep in the car, Levi hugs Erwin from behind in the kitchen when he cooks. Things are good. Secret, but good.

One night, Levi comes back stiff and distant. Once the girls have run off, Erwin pulls him into the bedroom, runs his fingers over his thighs as he crouches by him.

"What’s going on?" he asks. Levi’s eyes are blank and distant. He shakes his head.

"Oh, uh… nothin’," he says.

"… Levi."

"… S’- really, nothin’. It’s nothin’. Nile and- no, it’s fucking nothin’, I’m-"

"Levi. If it’s nothing, you can tell me, surely," Erwin says, on edge the second Nile’s name tumbles from his lips.

It takes Levi a little while to warm up to tell him. He’s ashamed, embarrassed, Erwin can tell, and he won’t look him in the eye as he says he’s overheard Nile saying he probably hits Mikasa, that it’s only a matter of time before Historia shows up to school ‘beaten black and blue.’

"That’s it. I’m calling the school."

"/No./"

"Levi, they’re horrible, they can’t speak to you like that! They don’t know you, and-"

"It’ll get worse if I address it. Especially if it’s coming from you, so-"

"But it’s- they’re /lying!/ What if they call someone, Levi, what if these… fucking rumours have real consequences and Mikasa-" 

"You don't think I know that!?"

Erwin stills as Levi yells out, voice trembling, nearing its breaking point. "It- You think I wanna sit around doing nothing? Th- there’s nothing I can do, Erwin, they- …/shit./"

Erwin sits down next to him as Levi hides his face in his hands. Strokes his back gently as he kisses his temple, whispers reassurances that it’ll be okay. The creak of the door makes them both turn around, and Historia’s eyes widen as she sees Levi shivering and teary eyed. "… Levi, are-"

"Hey, sweetie. Come, lets go talk outside," Erwin says, quickly nudging the girl back out the room.

"Daddy, why’s Levi crying…?"

"He’s… a little tired today, darling. It’s okay. Just like I get with work sometimes."

"… But… but you don’t cry."

"I know, but… Levi’s very tired. He just needs some rest," Erwin says, hopes she’ll accept that.

"… Maybe… maybe he should have a nap?" Historia advices, in a whisper, and Erwin smiles carefully. "You know, maybe he should. Will you go back to play so I can let him know to have a nap?" Historia nods. Erwin kisses her forehead before she runs off.

"I told her you’d had a long day," Erwin says as he enters. "Don’t worry." Levi nods. He’s collected himself in the short time Erwin was away, crying reduced to a slight sniffle as he looks away. "Levi… this can’t go on. Let me talk to them, and-"

"No, don’t, it-"

"Will you just let me help? Please?" It’s not meant to come out desperate and frustrated, but it does, and Levi stills. Eyes glued to his lap, where Erwin’s hands are. And then, slowly, a nod. Erwin sighs. Sits back up so he can kiss Levi’s forehead, stroke his hair when Levi wraps his arms around his waist. "… I’m very fond of you. You know that?" Erwin says gently.

"… Me too."

The blonde smiles. "You should get some rest. Why don’t you sleep a little in here?"

"T-the kids-"

"I’ll watch them. Besides, I went grocery shopping. I can finally make you dinner!"

Levi snorts. "… Not sure you can manage in a kitchen unsupervised." Erwin laughs a little as he sits back down. Runs his hands along Levi’s thigh, up his back. "You’re not alone in this, Levi. You know that, right?"

Levi pauses to look at him, and Erwin looks back. At the red clinging to the corners of his eyes, at the stormy grey in them. The blotched pink tint of his cheeks, the tip of his nose. And then finally, pale, thin lips as the corners of them pull up into the faintest of smiles. "… Got myself a big blond hunk to help, huh?"

Erwin laughs. "Exactly," he says as he eases in, presses his lips to Levi’s own. Squeezes his hand again as he feels him smile into it. "… Get some rest, huh?" Erwin says as they part. Levi keeps their foreheads pressed together. "I’ll keep those little rascals out of your hair, wake you before dinner."

Levi smiles. Thumbs along Erwin’s cheekbones as the taller man guides him down on the bedroll. They kiss once more. "…Okay." 

When Erwin steps back into the living room, Mikasa is uneasy. Tense shoulders and furrowed brows, voice in a trembling whisper as she asks why Levi was crying, what’s wrong. Erwin considers simplifying. ‘He’s fine, don’t worry,’ something along those lines. Children trust such promises, even if they aren’t true, so long as it eases this childish fear of the unknown, such as an adult falling ill or being upset. But then Erwin sees her. /Really/ sees her.

She’s standing stiff, fists balled up at her sides as she looks at him intently. They’re grey, much like Levi’s own, though they look sharper now, against the stinging red veins that have slithered their way into her eyes along with the tears, dangerously close to spilling over. This is more than childish worry.

Mikasa is a riddle in mismatched socks and overalls. She is a child. She’s still new to the big, confusing world, and needs comfort when it trembles, just as anyone else does. A warm hand to guide her through its nooks and crannies, the beautiful and the ugly. But can /he/ give that to her? Mikasa is a sceptical little thing. She’s a child with no trust left to give, born in a place where the walls were mouldy and the air thick with smoke, where mistrust was a thing of benefit.

The needles won’t poke your feet if you don’t dare step into the kitchen at all. Mama’s friends can’t hurt you if you stay in your room. The floorboards will creak beneath your feet, they’ll hear, you can go toilet tomorrow. Stay still, lay low, trust nobody.

Except for Lebi. Lebi who doesn’t hit or raise his voice, who tucks you in and takes you on walks. Who showed up one day to take you away from it all; the needles, the mold, Mama. Who doesn’t get angry when you say you’re hungry, who lets you sleep in his bed if you have a nightmare. Who taught you how to spell your name. Erwin had shivered when Levi told him. No child should be forced to be that careful, to me mistrusting and quiet out of fear.

Of course, Erwin isn’t a stranger anymore. There have been several times over the past few weeks he’s considered it. To lift her up when she can’t reach, to hug her as she barges through the front door. To kiss her hair when he checks on them before bed, like he does with Historia. He doesn’t, of course.

Not when he doesn’t know Mikasa’s boundaries, not when it could damage the trust he’s built up over the past few weeks. Erwin crouches down now, opens his hands up in front of her, careful, offering. Mikasa grabs onto them, and glad, he holds them carefully.

"Lebi is just fine, sweetie. He’s just a little under the weather and needs rest."

Mikasa stares at the ground as the first heavy tear drops to the floor, staining the floorboards where it seeps into the wood. Erwin bites his lip. Tries to muster the words to at least offer a stable reassurance, even if it’s a half-lie. "… I know it’s making you feel uneasy. It’s hard to see the people we care about upset, isn’t it?"

Mikasa sniffles. Nods.

"I understand. I know it’s scary when paren- urgh!"

A half-surprised yelp tumbles from Erwin’s lips as Mikasa throws herself into his arms. Hitcces as she buries her face in his shoulder, wetting the fabric there with tears, snot. Erwin’s eyes widen as his mind catches up, and he lets out a trembling exhale as he wraps his arms around her, strokes her back like he’s seen Levi do before.

"I-I don’t /like/ it when adults cry," she sobs, voice low and trembling.

"I know. I know, Mika," he coos. "It can be quite scary, to see adults upset, can’t it?"

"Y-yeah…"

Erwin furrows his brows where he sits. Tries to see the world through the eyes of a child for a moment. It’s been a long time since he was five. But the thoughts he’d had about his parents still linger. It’s a thing of… well, not respect, not really. High-regard, he supposes. Overestimation. Erwin can’t remember what it’s like to think as a child, but he does remember thinking his dad had the answer to anything. That his mother’s arms were a safe haven. He looks down at the brunette in his arms now. To her, Levi is stable, unbreakable. A safe space. And how can anything be right when your safe space is crying?

Historia is the same.

Erwin learned how to hold back upset long ago, back when what should have been a dull Tuesday evening turned into something far worse, and as his daughter drew a breath, thick with metal and fire and snow, it carved its unwelcome home within her head, the scent, the pain, the blood looping around Historia’s head like a broken record that never seemed to stop. Erwin learned. Adapted.

Got up with a smile, even though he’d wanted nothing more than to sink into the depths of his sheets and never come out. Greeted the parents politely at school, even as his limbs felt like lead, each word uttered swelling up in his mouth until they tumbled from his lips like cotton balls, light, simple, each sentence leaving his mouth dry.

It’s a sacrifice.

One’s own emotions come second. Stability first. Who is a parent if not someone with complete control, every hour, every day? Most parents are just kids with kids, and if control was a rope, most parents would be grasping at its end, so very close to slipping.

The kids can’t know that, of course. Now that he thinks about it… they’ve done quite well, him and Levi.

"Girls," he says now, voice gentle. "You know how I help you two with homework before dinner?"

Mikasa hitches. Her little knuckles are white as they clench at his shirt, but she nods, faintly. Historia’s fingers trace along the hair tie on her wrist.

"And you know how you get upset sometimes? When you’ve worked very hard for very long, but it still feels like there’s so much to do?"

He certainly hopes Mikasa remembers. That breakdown might as well have its own ten minute slot in Erwin’s daily schedule. It’s a constant thing - they’ll be about halfway through the maths homework when one of the kids puts her foot down. Fed up with the authoritarian dystopia that is the Smith household, fed up with it’s stupid "finish homework before dinner"-rule, and most of all: fed up with the cruel dictator-dad. There’s no telling /which/ of the girls will start the inevitable outburts, rebelling with a kick or a whine or a few tears, but it’s /every day,/ and my god it’s demanding.

Mikasa nods. "M-mhm."

"It’s just like that. Levi worked very hard today. His job is actually very difficult, even though a lot of people, even adults, don’t think it looks hard. And when he came home, there was so much to do. Dinner, cleaning, dishes… it felt like so much that he got a little upset. But you know what?"

"…Mh?"

With his free hand, Erwin pulls Historia close, too. She spares second to put a hand over Mikasa’s back, her other in Erwin’s hand.

"You two are always just fine once we’ve taken a little break. Every time. Levi is going to be too. I promise." Mikasa looks up at him now. Her grip on his shirt is still firm, and the tears have left red little marks along the corners of her eyes. Still, he can’t help but feel a little happy. She’s hugged him, sought him out for comfort. She trusts him.

"…He just needs a… a nap, Mika," Historia adds dutifully. She lets go of Erwin’s hand to pat her head. Mikasa hums. Sniffles, grip on Erwin’s shirt loosening, ever so faintly. She nods. "… Yeah."

Erwin smiles. Shifts his weight from where he’s propped up on his knees, and his butt hits the floor with a thud, pulling the girls into his arms. "You know what I think we should do? I think we should make some dinner for when Levi wakes up. He’ll be hungry, don’t you think?"

Some 15 minutes later, one can practically smell the determination sizzling through the air of the Smith kitchen. Or maybe it’s just the onions burning. That is also plausible. The kids are cutting up vegetables and stirring the pot with great enthusiasm, and at one point, Erwin even lets them use the big knife(with great supervision, he wants to calm Levi, not give him a stroke). Still, it’s not long before they tire of waiting for the broth to thicken, for the beets to soften, and in pursuit of more exciting activities, they run off.

Erwin doesn’t really mind. Cooking isn’t so hard once you read the recipe carefully, he thinks, even though the carrots are a bit undercooked and he forgets to turn on the kitchen fan. He can’t help but feel a little proud as he gives the stew a final stir, and suddenly it feels important that the cutlery is laid out straight, that the glasses are all on the same side of the plates. He calls for the girls, who yell they’ll be there ‘in a minute,’ which they definitely won’t, so Erwin decides it’s time to pull a certain someone out of sleep.

"Any good dreams?"

Levi groans as he stirs, lazily grabbing at Erwin’s hand.

"… Mm… no dreams."

"Feel a little better, at least?"

"Mh, yeah. M’fine."

"Alright," Erwin smiles. Runs his fingers through Levi’s hair. "Dinner’s ready, I’m just going to fetch the girls." Levi raises an eyebrow as considers him, eyes still puffy from sleep and earlier upset. "… Takeout?"

"No," Erwin chuckles. "I made stew, lamb stew. Though I doubt it’s as good as what you make."

"… You used that canned shit, didn’t you?"

"No, I swear!" Erwin laughs. "I used a recipe and the leftover lamb from yesterday. Though, I can’t take full credit, the girls were the real chefs. I doubt I would be very happy with the final result had it not been for Mikasa pointing out we were to add two cups of /stock/, not /salt./"

Levi sits up, looks at him with wide eyes.

"I know, I know, I should have known. In my defence, Historia was using the big knife to cut carrots as it was happening, I /was/ distracted, I- Levi?"

He watches as Levi takes a deep breath to make up for the trembling sigh he just let out. His brows are knit together, tight, his eyes calm and gentle despite the murky storm that thunders  within them, always.

"Levi? Are-"

"Thank you."

Erwin blinks, confused as Levi grabs his hand, squeezes. "Thank you," he repeats.

Erwin smiles. Turns his head to kiss his cheek. "I /am/ very happy with it, but it’s just stew, you know," he chuckles.

"Not the stew, you stupid bas- or- yes, the stew, but… but the girls and… and the nap and- and cookin- I…" Levi stills as he draws back. "You’re a stupid bastard," he settles on. He does have his way with words. Erwin kisses him.

The kids come in while Levi’s in the bathroom. Their hands are behind their backs, mischievous little smiles plastered on their faces. "We can’t eat /yet,/" they tell him. "Not until we’ve given Levi his surprise."

"Sit down here!" Mikasa demands, letting go of Levi’s hand to point to a chair by the kitchen island. "And close your eyes!" Historia adds. Levi glances over at Erwin, who shrugs, smiling. "You heard them."

"… This is- okay. Fine, closed."

Erwin watches as Mikasa shoves her hand in her pocket, fist clenched around something small and white. A folded piece of paper. Why- oh. Oh. Once the girls have unfolded it completely, Historia gets on her toes to place it in front of Levi, who’s still got his eyes closed. Erwin feels his heart skip a beat in his chest.

"Okay! Open!" 

Despite the childish simplicity of the crayon-composed stick figures, it’s easy to tell who’s who. There Erwin is, on the right, tall and blonde, smile bright and eyes blue, in his hand a red … rectangular… contraption (which he later learns is a lawn mower, naturally, how couldn’t he tell?).

There’s a blonde stick figure in the front, her crayon hair tied up in pigtails, a wide grin with rectangular teeth. To her left another girl, red shirt and dark hair.

And finally, in the middle.

Hair short and black, body covered in a blue janitor’s onesuit. Grey specks for eyes, smile a short, horizontal line. Ever stoic, even in crayon, Erwin thinks. And then, on the side of his face, where his ear should be, is a small, yellow flower. The one Erwin placed there, that day. 

There’s a sun scribbled up in the corner, its rays stretching far and wide across the paper. There’s green flicks of colour on the bottom, as well as the occasional flower, red or yellow or pink or blue.

Above, five little words are scribbled down, each letter a different colour.

"JANITER ACKERMAN CAN HANDEL ANYTING!"

The sentence is framed by the red outline of a wonky heart, and Erwin feels his heart clench.

"Lebi, do you like it? Me and Historia-"

"… Mr. Ackerman?" 

Levi’s bouncing his leg, a near violent motion where he sits. He’s biting down on his finger, breath a soft tremble as he peers down at the drawing. "… Thank y- hah. That’s-… This…"

He swallows.

"…Lebi, don’t you like it?"

Levi presses the heels of his palms into his eyes where he sits. Takes a deep breath before he lets go. Squeezes his lips together as his gaze reverts to the girls. "… I love it," he whispers. Lets out a trembling breath that’s intertwined with laughter. Looks down at the drawing again. "…Shit," he trembles, buries his face in his hands as he breaks.

"Wh- /Mr. Ackerman/ you can’t /say/-"

"I /think,/" Erwin interrupts softly. Places a hand on each of the girls’ backs. "That Levi is feeling a little emotional. I don’t think he expected such a thoughtful present."

The girls look at each other. Look over to Levi, eyes big and wide. Levi’s collected himself for the most part, but when the girls climb up into his lap, onto his back to hug, Erwin doesn’t miss the way his lower lip trembles. 

They meet again a few days later.

Winter is creeping up on them quickly, freezing thin sheets of ice along the asphalt, hardening the grass and the earth beneath it. The park has countless heaps of autumn leaves practically /begging/ to be jumped into, but even as Historia runs ahead, Mikasa doesn’t seem excited.

Levi and Erwin are sat on a bench a few metres off, and the blonde squints as the dark haired girl watches the heaps of leaves gingerly.

"Is Mikasa alright?" he asks, looking over to Levi. He tightens his scarf some, doesn’t answer. Looks ahead, blankly.

"… Levi?"

"I think someone called social services."

Erwin stiffens.

"… Social services?"

"Mikasa said some kid… I dunno. That she was gonna be taken away, some shit like that. Must have overheard their parents talk about it." Erwin stares at him, watching as a gust of wind brushes Levi’s hair out from behind his ears. It’s gotten long.

Levi stares ahead, at nothing in particular. There’s a distant haze covering his eyes. "You’ve heard about the ex-con thing from the other parents, haven’t you?" he says.

Erwin furrows his brows. "… Yes. But… I know you, I know it isn’t true, and-"

"It is true."

Erwin stills again, watches Levi intently. There’s no anger in his voice, nor upset. Just… blankness. "I’ve been in trouble before, fuckin’… juvie. When I was 14." He lets out a small breath, a puff of white condensation evaporating in the air. "My mom died. Kenny, my uncle, took care of me after, but he left. Got into some shit I shouldn’t have, drugs, petty theft, shit like that. Got arrested for stealing a damn CD case from a car."

He laughs. It’s flat. "Stupid, huh? Break into a car and /that’s/ what you steal?"

"…Levi…"

"… I left all of that, though. Way before I had Mikasa. I got my shit straight, I went back to school, I… I got a job, then /this/ job, I…"

Levi stills. Sighs, stops himself before he can get upset. "… I don’t give a shit if my life goes to hell. I don’t. If they wanna arrest me again for stealing a CD case with… fuckall in it, they can. But… they can’t take my kid. They can’t."

Erwin is quiet. Watches Levi carefully, his furrowed brows, his badly concealed hurt, his fear.

"If this is a dealbreaker, Erwin, that I spent a few months in what essentially was a downgraded summer camp, I-"

"Who?"

Levi looks at him, for the first time then, confused. "Who called social services?" Erwin clarifies. Levi stills. Shrugs. "Fuckin’ Nanaba, or Mike. Mikasa heard it from Rico, their kid." Erwin sighs. Clasps his hands together. He knows them, knows them well, ever since college, he can’t imagine…

Mh. Maybe he can.

He reaches over. Presses a kiss to his cheek as he squeezes Levi’s hand gently. Moves away before anyone can see. Levi smiles faintly. A flock of birds heading south fly above. 

A week passes. Nothing happens, but tensions are rising anyway. Mikasa is on-edge. Her teachers say she’s quiet and distracted. That she cries easily and doesn’t want to be separated from Historia. At home, she stiffens at the sound of the doorbell, at the tone of the phone. She tries to cling to her dad as much as she can.

Said dad isn’t much better.

Levi checks his phone religiously, bounces his leg at the dinner table. He’ll watch the passing cars from the kitchen window as he cooks, as if he’s expecting a social worker to pull into the  driveway and snatch his kid up without warning. They’re in bed one night, and Levi is clicking his pen nervously. Doesn’t listen when Erwin talks to him, not really.

Enough is enough, Erwin decides.

"I’m talking to Nile tomorrow," he says. "We know it’s most likely all talk, but you need the reassurance. So does Mikasa."

Levi sets the pen down, slowly. "…I don’t know."

"Levi. Tomorrow, take the car. Take the kids to the park or a playground or something, somewhere we haven’t been yet. I’ll go talk to Nile and join you after." Levi looks like he’s about to protest. Opens his mouth, closes it again. Erwin suspects he’s tired of worrying.

"… You’d need the car. Can’t we just wait until you’re back?"

"Nile’s house is only a short walk from here, it’s alright."

Levi looks at him. Wrings his wrists now that he doesn’t have the pen anymore. "How’re you planning on getting to the park without a car? You gonna start walking now?"

Erwin chuckles. "Well, there are taxis. Or the bus, that’s cheaper." Levi stills for a second. For the first time in what feels like days, he snorts. "Local business mogul Erwin Smith takes the bus, like a filthy commoner. I can hear Marie gasping from here."

Erwin laughs, pulls him close so he can press a kiss against Levi’s hair. "Worrying about my reputation, are we?"

"No. Just looking forward to you getting your fair share of shit from the parents at school. Maybe I’ll catch a break."

"Hey…" Erwin pouts. "Here I am, trying to comfort you-"

Levi rolls his eyes, smiles as he pulls him down for another kiss. "/Okay./ Sounds like a plan. Just… don’t lose too many brain cells talking to that idiot." Erwin smiles. Nods. Lays over him and gets another type of stress-relief going.

Twelve hours later, Erwin finds himself sitting at Nile Dawk’s kitchen table. "That car of yours is bloody /quiet,/" he says, sliding a can of beer across the tabletop. "Is it new? I didn’t hear you pull in."

Erwin takes the can, pops the tab open. Watches as the foam rises, settles again. "Uh, no, I walked. It’s really not far, fifteen minutes or so?"

"Getting the exercise in before Christmas, Smith?" he laughs. Erwin chuckles, opens his mouth to say Nile could do with the same, but has no time to. "Or did that janitor friend of yours run off with it? I won’t say I told you so, I promise." Erwin sighs. Of course there had to be an afterthought. Whatever, he thinks, he’s gotta bring this up somehow. "I wanted to… talk about that, actually, Nile. About Levi."

"Oh. Uh, what, that time I stopped him from taking Historia on the bus?"

"I- oh. Well, no, not…that specifically, but it’s certainly relevant," he says. Rubs at his own knee as he tries to think of the words. Tries to look for ones that will get the point across, whilst not getting him fucking ostracized. There might not be any.

"I… I can’t sit around idly anymore, Nile, while you all treat him like he’s a-"

"Erwin," Nile sighs. "We’ve been over this. Ackerman is a piece of shit."

"He /isn’t/ a-"

"I’ve been wanting to talk to you too, about all this. We all have."

Erwin stills. Sets his beer can down. 

"Gossip aside, man… we’re worried about you. Me and… Marie, Mike, Nana, everyone. I mean… what if Ackerman hurts Historia?"

"That’s ridiculo-"

"No, listen. You say you can’t sit by idly anymore, well… what if we can’t, either? You’re ignoring the red flags, endangering your kid-"

"What!?"

"It could be true! Even if it isn’t, you shouldn’t be meddling around with people like that, man! Come on - he’s low on money, got a shit job, suddenly this rich guy comes along, wants to be all chummy. Of course he’d pretend to be nice so he-"

"This is a goddamn conspiracy theory, Nile. Do you hear yourself?"

"I mean, it’s happened before? And Vera was different, of course she was, Erwin, but-"

"When did this become about Vera? I-"

"When you started treating ‘em the same way! You’re fuckin’ confused! He’s made you think he’s some poor, misunderstood outsider, when he’s clearly just taking advantage of you and your money, Erwin! I /know/ you miss her, that you miss /them,/ but this isn’t the way to deal with it, man! Your kid -"

"Nile. Have you ever actually talked to him? Ever?"

"Yeah! He told me to get my head outta my ass!"

"With how you’re acting about all this, I can’t help but agree with him!"

Nile pauses to look at him. Takes a deep breath which is pure frustration as he picks up his beer, has another sip. Erwin rubs his face. "… Nile, I’m a grown man. You’re right, I haven’t been well after what happened. At all. And I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. But it’s been… years, it’s hard, yes, but I’m an adult, I can look out for myself. I can look out for my kid."

Nile breathes out a huff of air through his nose, hard. Erwin looks at him, softens for a moment. "… Do you genuinely think I’d endanger her like that?" he asks. "You- you know what Historia is like. What she was like after everything that happened. Do you genuinely think I’d let someone I didn’t know, didn’t trust, pick her up? Do … do you think that little of me?"

There’s silence. Thick and heavy, the only sound present the fizz of the beer against the metallic inside of the can.

Nile sighs. "… Of course not, man. I… no."

Erwin’s shoulders sink. He rubs his temple. "… He defended you, you know. That time you called me at the bus station. He said you were being reasonable, that he’d want you to do the same for his kid. But… I’ve gotta be honest, Nile, I dont think this was ever about the safety of the kids."

Nile thumbs at the edge of the can. Presses the metal until it bends.

"… It’s about him, isn’t it? Gossiping about his life, acting like he’s a bigger- no, a more /entertaining/ threat than he actually is?"

"… No, it…"

"… He overheard you. That… comment about him beating Historia. I… he told me and… I couldn’t believe it, I mean…"

"Oh, that… Erwin, that was a joke, it-"

"You don’t joke about my kid that way. You don’t."

"… No, I know that, man. I know. I’m sorry."

Erwin sighs. Takes another sip of beer, wishes he took it upon himself to drink a few before he came. "What I came here to ask about is different. One of the kids told Mikasa someone’s called social services, or is planning to. Is that true?"

Nile sighs as he slumps back into the chair. Rubs his hands across his face like he’s overwhelmed. "N- or… they … were never actually /going/ to. It was just…"

Nile pauses. Sighs. Tries to think up the least offensive truth.

"Ackerman comes up in conversation a lot. You know what Marie is like. She’ll… find something to obsess over, blow it out of proportion. But… you know, there’s only so much we know about Ackerman, so… people start… assuming things, I guess. It’s just gossip. Harmless shit."

"…Harmless shit? His kid is so anxious she can’t sleep, Nile. Levi, too, he’s… so sick and tired of all these accusations that have… no truth to them, and… God, Nile, he’s a person. An ordinary person."

Nile presses his finger against the can again, blank-eyed and sullen. "… I know. Course I know. It only started because he’s so… well, he /is/ rude, you can’t fight me on that, but… I know. Been thinking I should… say something for a while, but…"

"… You didn't."

"… No."

Erwin leans back in his chair as silence takes over. All along, it’s been for the sake of gossip. All this time. Mikasa laying up at night, thinking she’ll be taken away from her only loving relative. Levi’s eyes gradually growing sullen and tired as accusations pile on. All to entertain the mind of a few wealthy, bored thirty-year-olds? Erwin stares into his can. Half empty, fizz gradually fading.

"… I’m sleeping with him."

Erwin doesn’t look at Nile when he looks at him. But he sounds strained, like someone just punched him in the gut. "Y- wh- sorry?"

"You’re not gonna tell anyone. Not even Marie. You owe me that much."

"Erw-… you’re /sleeping/ with-"

"The point is that I know him. Alright? He’s great with Historia, and he’s kind and…"

Nile clasps his hands together gently, as if he needs to hold on to something. "...O... kay. How.. uh. How long has this been going on? Sleeping together?"

"… A few months. Although- I… it’s not just- not just… sleeping together, we…"

"… You like him?"

It’s Erwin’s turn to fumble with his can. Tries not to break out in a flush like a damn teenager. He nods. Nile nods back. "… Is it serious? I mean… could you see it becoming a long term thing?"

"… If my friends stop treating him like he’s a criminal, then yes."

Nile peers down into his lap. Says nothing.

"… Just treat him like a person. That’s all I ask."

"I… I wish I’d- I didn’t know, Erwin. I didn’t know it was like that, I…" Erwin nearly laughs. Settles for a small smile. This feels so trivial.

"… Shouldn’t treat people like that regardless if I’m sleeping with them or not, Dawk."

Nile nods. "No, uh… I know. I know."

"… So… No one’s calling social services? Not really?"

"No. I think… Marie’s even seen the way he plays with his kid, she’s just sort of… ignoring it for the sake of gossip."

Erwin closes his eyes as he sighs. He isn’t sure why he’s surprised anymore.

"… But, Erwin. Does Ackerman know? About…" 

Erwin bites his lip. Shakes his head, faintly. "… He knows I’ve been married. That’s all."

Nile stills, brows furrowed. "If you’re serious about this, you gotta tell him, Erwin." Erwin sighs. Nile might as well ask him to go stick his finger in a mouse trap. "I know," he says. Nile sighs. Has one, two, three, four massive gulps of beer. "Well," he says. The can clatters against the kitchen table. "What a twist in the tale."

Erwin smiles. That's fair. Nile leans in over the table. Gives his surroundings a few quick glances before he asks. "… So what’s the janitor like in the sack?"

Erwin rolls his eyes. "Stop that," he laughs. 

A few minutes later, Erwin pulls up his phone.

‘Hey! 😄 Talked to Nile. There’s nothing to worry about. Will tell you everything when I see you. Where did you end up going? Noble Prince Erwin is preparing to get the bus. 👑🚌’

Almost immediately, Levi begins to type put an answer, before he stops, just as quickly. He’s probably playing with the kids. He’ll reply in a minute. The most important thing is that Levi read the text, which he did. No reason to worry anymore. He smiles at the thought. Thinks about kissing Levi, feeling him smile against his lips aga-

"Why, hello, stranger!"

Torn from his reverie, Erwin looks up to see a very pregnant Marie. He clicks his phone shut. "Long time no see. How are you feeling?"

"Ugh, fed up. I just want the thing out at this point," she laughs, and Erwin chuckles politely.

"I can’t say I envy you. Especially with that massive baby on your hands already," he says, nods in Nile’s direction.

"Watch it, Smith."

Marie giggles, and Erwin slaps his own thighs as he stands up. "Well, I better get going." - 

"You didn’t even finish your beer!" Nile frows, reaching over to weigh the can in his hand.

"Oh, I really shouldn’t-"

Marie slaps his arm lightly, before grabbing it to pull him back to the table. "If I see one more person willingly walk away from alcohol, I might go insane. Eight /months,/ ‘Win! Do it for me."

Erwin smiles faintly. Clicks his phone open, quick. No text.

"Alright. Just this one."

They’re all sat down in the sofa a few minutes later. Marie is laughing loudly at the same old college stories, and while she comes down from a searing string of cackles, Erwin checks his phone again. Still no text. That’s strange. Maybe -

"What about that time Erwin got a perm?"

Erwin reverts his gaze to Nile, who’s chuckling at the memory. "It didn’t look /that/ bad!"

"You looked like the member of some indie rock band."

"Oh, Dawk. Don’t make me bring up your German-"

Bzz. Bzz. Bzz.

Erwin lets out a small ‘ah,’ as he reaches for his phone. Levi’s calling.

"Consider that a threat, Dawk. Take back the perm slander or I’ll continue the story after this," Erwin smiles, walks off as accepts the call.

"Hey, you-"

"Hello? Erwin?" There’s a strange buzzing noise on Levi’s end, like a faulty fan or a tech bug. Maybe he’s speaking too close to the microphone.

"Yeah, hey-"

"Erwin! Erwin, some- something’s wrong, I-"

It’s only then he picks up on the panic in Levi’s voice. It’s desperate and … and real, and not right, not right at all, and immediately, Erwin’s chest tightens. "Erw- something- something’s wrong with Historia," Levi manages, strained and breathy. Erwin stills. Feels his knees buckle as realisation hits.

That ear-piercing background noise isn’t a glitch, nor a faulty microphone.

It’s his daughter, wailing. 

Time is a thick sludge. It’s dense, suffocating, filled with a horrifying tension that washes over, and as Erwin tries to move, it grabs hold of him, paralysing, grounding. His chest is a tight knot, breath pushed up to his throat as bile rises there. He hears Levi speak. He hears that he’s panicked, that he’s breathless, begging, but it’s all muffled over, deafened by the blood pounding in Erwin’s ears. But a second pained scream tears from Historia’s throat, and suddenly his nerves are on fire, eyes flickering as he snaps back to reality.

"Is she hurt?" he manages, breathlessly. "Levi, is- Levi, what wrong, is she breathing!?"

At that, all laughter from the sofa seizes. Nile and Marie are looking at him, he thinks, one of them might have stood up, he doesn’t know. Doesn’t know. Can’t focus. Can’t think as the walls cave in around him, as he descends into a blinding, heaving panic. "S-she ain’t- ain’t breathin’ right," Levi hitches. He must have put the phone down, because he sounds more distant than before. Still, it isn’t hard to hear him tremble. "Historia!" he calls. "T-tell me what hurts, Historia, /please!/"

Erwin sways. He hears his daughters screams go raspy as Levi begs, until she’s out of breath, and she trails off into a series of hitching, choking gasps.

"N-no! No, fu- Historia!" Levi breaks. "B-breathe, kiddo, stay with me!"

"Erwin. Erwin, what’s going on?"

Erwin steadies himself, eyes flickering up to Nile as the other man grabs him by the shoulder, wide-eyed and stiff.

"K-keys," Erwin stumbles. His voice is trembling with desperation, getting louder as the rush of it all hits him. His baby can’t breathe. His baby isn’t with him, and she can’t breathe.

"Car keys, Nile, now, shit!"

It comes out angry and intense, and immediately Nile is on his feet, Marie trailing off after him. Erwin tugs at his own hair, fumbles to gather his things before following.

"Levi, what happened? Did she hurt herself?"

"/No!/" Levi trembles, panicked. "/N-no,/ I- I looked away for one secon-"

Levi’s interrupted by another piercing, breathless cry, and suddenly it’s distant, as if the phone has been knocked over. He hears Levi’s panicked attempts at comfort, begging her to look at him, to stay with him, tell him where it hurts. Historia wrails over it all, raspy sobs coming out in hitched whimpers, like she’s in pain. Then, as if things couldn’t get any worse, he hears her cry out for mommy.

"N-Nile! Nile, the keys?" 

Nile pants as he rummages through pockets, jackets, bags. "Shit. Shit."

"D-daddy’s on his way, kiddo, okay?" he hears Levi try, trembling. "And the ambulance is gonna be here any minute, just hold on for me-"

"L-Levi! Levi! She- she didn’t- did she hurt herself? She didn’t?"

"N-no, she- oh, hey, shh, I know. I know, it’s okay, baby-"

"L… Levi, she’s having a panic attack. I- I can’t explain right now, but if she hears an ambulance it’s going to make this worse, do you understand?"

Levi stills, breathes. Historia sobs.

"Is… is her stomach hurting?"

Levi hitches again. "Historia? H-Hist- hey, shh, I know, t-try to breathe, baby. Focus on me, that’s it. Does your tummy hurt?"

Erwin doesn’t need to wait for an answer to know - it’s always the same anyways. But Historia doesn’t answer. Instead, she hitches once more, slurring her words and Erwin hears her say she wants daddy, that she doesn’t want to die yet. "N-Nile!" he hitches. "K-keys, Nile, please!"

"I’ve got them!" Marie pants as she stomps down the stairs, throwing them so they land on the tile with a clink. "Go!"

There’s a small crowd around the park as they arrive, and Erwin is grateful when Nile shoos them off. There are paramedics in the distance, rushing toward them. "N-Nile-"

"I’ve got it! I’ve got it, go!"

Erwin pushes people away, nudging his way through lingering onlookers before he finally sees them. Historia is tense, sobbing against Levi’s chest, who’s cradling her head as he whispers soft words of comfort in her ear.

"Sunshine?" It comes out in a weak and uncertain tremble, but instantly, Historia turns her head to reveal puffy, red eyelids, cheeks swollen from crying. It makes Erwin’s heart ache, his eyes burn, and instantly he reaches out for her, letting out a shaky breath when she buries her face in his chest. "Hey, sweet girl, oh…" he whispers, gently rocking her back and forth. "I’ve got you, baby, I’ve got you."

Historia chokes on her sob as she clings to him, clammy hands clinging to his tshirt. "M-my tummy’s hurting, daddy, I-"

"No, no. Hey," Erwin whispers softly. "You’re not sick. I promise you, you’re not."

"M-Mr. Ackerman w-was crying. A-and Mika- Mika was … hh-" she trails off into a series of sobs and incoherent words, and Erwin runs his fingers over her hair.

"Shh… shh, they’re okay. They’re safe, sunshine, they’re right here. They’re safe. You are, too."

As Historia stills, just a bit, Erwin presses a kiss in her hair. Tells her she’ll be okay, that nothing bad is gonna happen. To control her breathing, like she did with Dr. Zoe. Eventually, the paramedics come over. Nile’s convinced them to take off their jackets, hopefully Historia won’t see anything but two good samaritans in matching pants. They look her over, and a young, blonde man very carefully reassures her that she isn’t sick. Historia listens, grip on Erwin’s shirt firm.

Levi’s sat a few metres off, watching. In his lap, Mikasa is crying softly.

Erwin doesn’t want to drive right now. Neither does Levi. Nile takes them all home. He drops Levi and Mikasa off first. Erwin watches as he walks off, strokes his daughter’s hair. Sees Levi turn and their eyes meet, but Nile drives off before Erwin can read his expression. Historia is asleep when they get back. He carries her inside, nods when Nile says to call if he needs anything.

Nudges Historia gently when they’re inside, asks her to ear something. She has some porridge, the one Levi made this morning. She can’t stomach it all. Erwin tucks her in carefully. She’s sleeping in his bed tonight, he’s decided. It’ll be safer.

He listens to her breath now, good and steady. Wonders if she can feel him stroking her cheek, in sleep. He hopes so. Maybe he can be of some use, in the very least, maybe it can make up for him not being there today. But as his own breath grows staggered and uneasy he stops. This is fucking pathetic. He’s pathetic. He wasn’t there to help today, just as he wasn’t altogether there back then, and now he can’t even comfort his daughter without breaking down? "/Useless,/" he thinks as he paces around the kitchen. "Useless, useless, you’re so fucking useless."

"Don’t think," another part of him says. "Don’t think. Calm down."

But it isn’t in his head, not anymore. It’s in his body, swirled around each nerve, each vein, impossible to shut off. He ends up on the sofa. His phone buzzes. It’s Levi.

‘we need to talk’ 

Erwin sighs as his head hits the sofa. He must look ridiculous like this. Large, grown man slumped over in a foetal position on the sofa, like a child watching cartoons after bedtime.

‘Ok,’ he responds, not caring enough to make an effort to sound friendly.

‘ill come over’

 

‘Ok’

His doorbell rings half an hour later. Levi looks up at him, blankly, or maybe it isn’t blankly. Erwin can’t be asked go care. Can’t be asked to explain. Simply turns, leaves the door open so Levi can follow. They end up on the sofa, a few feet apart. Erwin looks ahead, peering onto the black TV-screen through hazed eyes. Then…

"… You’ve gotta explain what happened today, Erwin."

Neither of them move as silence takes over. Erwin knew he’d have to do this, eventually. He’d just wanted to do it when he was ready. He’s had to explain this countless times over the past two years. Long versions, short versions. In formal settings, casual ones. To doctors, coworkers, friends and family. And each time, it’s the same.

The story gets muddled up in his head until he’s left confused, disassociated, until he has to excuse himself to go take a deep breath.

He stares ahead now, looking for an exit that doesn’t exist until he lowers his head. Looks down at his hands.

"She’s got PTSD. Diagnosed a year and a half ago."

Whatever expression is on Levi’s face, Erwin can’t see it. He’s too busy brushes his thumb over the hard of his fingernails, and Levi isn’t saying anything. "We were going up to see my parents, two years ago. My wife was driving. The road was slippery, and the car went off the road. I was… I was lucky. Hit my head, knocked out cold, but… uhm…"

Erwin stops. Furrows his brows. It’s an effort to think of what comes next, somehow. Not because he can’t remember, the facts are all /there,/ he know’s what took place, but… the recalling of it, the details, it’s… like fumbling for a lightswitch in a far too dark room. He swallows to coat his dry throat. Where was he, again?

He notices that he’s started to bounce his leg. That his breathing’s a bit shallow, still controlled, but shallow. He takes a deep breath.

"It… the- the car crashed. Or- it… it went off…"

Levi’s got his brows knit together. He’s completely still where he sits, a few metres off. "… My wife died upon impact," he manages. The words feel stuffy and strange, even now. "Or- that’s- I don’t quite believe that, or… but-… she died in there, in the car."

Usually at this point, Erwin will have been washed over by countless condolences or apologies.  But Levi’s still where he’s sat. It helps him keep his train of thought. He isn’t quite sure it’s a good thing. "… And… my-"

He stops. The words are caught in his throat along with sick, with dizziness. It’s too much. This is all too much.

"… My…m-… /fuck,/" he whispers. Feels the upset tug at his vocal cords, making him shaky and weak.

A warm hand covers his own, and as it squeezes, Erwin looks up to find Levi patient, supportive. Erwin peers back down, where Levi’s pale hand lays over his own.

"… My son was in there."

Levi sighs. It’s a heavy and knowing thing, and as he leans his forehead against Erwin’s arm, he feels him squeeze his eyes shut. "…He didn’t… he-… He was just so little, y-you know? He-" Levi squeezes his hand again, thumbs small patterns there.

"It’s okay," he whispers. "You don’t have to say it. I understand."

Erwin nods. Bounces his leg, palms at his eyes. The memories are always there, yet they’re completely gone at the same time. He’ll be doing paperwork or laundry or brushing his teeth - the most mundane humdrum things when it flashes by - remnants of the family car, the beeping of machines. The smell of metal and plaster, the white, wooden box that weighed far too little.

He remembers it now, like it’s the first time all over, how suffocating his suit had been the week after it happened. How Historia had hitched and shivered against his chest, how he’d cried as they lowered them into the ground. He feels dizzy. But Levi reaches out again, the hand on his shoulder tethering him back to reality.

"… I, uh…" he says. "I can’t… really remember anything. It’s all… just… mixed up, but…"

Levi draws back some.

"I… well, like I said, I passed out. I can’t remember it, but… Historia was conscious. She… or, they thought she was fine, at first. She … /looked/ fine. A few cuts from the glass on her forehead, her shoulder, but… but she looked /fine./ But… she was in so much pain, and… they rushed her over and yeah, just… internal bleeding. Fuck, she… she was all on her own."

"… When did you come to?" Levi asks.

Erwin swallows to coat his dry throat.

"The next- or… or no, I… I was briefly awake in… in the emergency room, I think, or… or maybe not, I… I couldn’t really see, but… I could… hear. I heard… Historia, calling for me, for her mother. And… it was like I was caught in this other realm, like… a void, or a dream. I tried to move, but I just… couldn’t. Tried to open my eyes, to call out for her, but… it was like I was paralysed. I just… heard her, heard something was wrong, knew I had to wake up, but… I only came to the next day."

Levi strokes his knee, ever gently. Just listens, carefully, not cutting in.

"And… when I did and… they told me what had happened, that… that they’d died, and everything just… crumbled. It was like half of me had died along with them, it- I… it /still/ feels like that."

"… And… and Historia?" Levi asks, carefully. "You said… she was awake in the crash."

Erwin nods. Then, pathetically, he breaks, a choked and breathless sob tumbling from his lips, intertwined with a flat laugh to stifle it.

"Shit, sorry," he says. Buries the heels of his palms into his eyes till it hurts, till he sees little specks of light.

"Uh… yeah. Yeah. Shit, she… she’d had surgery. They brought her back to my room, and … she kept saying she’d been awake the whole time, in the car. That she’d heard her mother make these… these sounds, these… groans, like she was pushing on something, that… it kept getting louder and she tried to reach for her, call for her, but she’d just… made that sound over and over, like an animal, until it.. just faded, and… and then she was gone, I guess."

Levi’s squeezed his eyes shut as he listens. His brows are knit together, like he’s in pain, still stroking Erwin’s knee in attempts to soothe. 

"… We were discharged, and… hah. I don’t know. I can’t remember much of it, to be honest," Erwin mutters. "My parents came to stay with me the first few weeks, seeing as I was just… a walking trainwreck. … I started therapy, Tori did too. But… but it was worse for her, you know? … I only had to deal with the loss, but she had… she had the memories lf it too, and they were… haunting. She never got a break, not once. Broke down at loud sounds, at sirens. Panic attacks whenever she had a bellyache, thinking she was bleeding again."

Levi opens his eyes, finally. Clasps his hands together over his knees, stops to rub at his eyes.

"… Why… why didn’t you tell me?"

Erwin shakes his head, and as the first, heavy tear rolls down his cheek, he laughs. "… I don’t know," he admits. "I don’t know. I was scared."

"Of what?" Levi asks. Keeps his hands to himself.

"… I don’t… I don’t /know/," Erwin says again. "Our lives were… defined by it, you know, and … and dealing with it is bad enough on its own, but… then people start treating you differently, like… like you’re broken, and… how am I meant to improve if…"

He trails off into silence. Shakes his head again. "… I didn’t want it to change the way you see me."

"… It kinda fuckin’ does, Erwin."

At that, Erwin freezes again. It’s true, he had been scared of this changing the way Levi saw him, his daughter. But he’d also found comfort in the hope that that was just irrationality speaking, that Levi wouldn’t… Well.

"… Not because of what happened, I ain’t gonna treat you like.. a victim or a mess or whatever the fuck it is you think, but…" Levi shakes his head, frustrated. Looks up at him with a look that stings, disappoinment or anger or… or just upset.

"I shoulda fuckin /known,/ Erwin. Privacy is fine, whatever, but your kid had a fuckin’ breakdown while I was watching her. You knew she could get like that, and- and I ain’t talking for my sake, or Mikasa’s, even, but /her’s./"

Erwin’s eyes are fixated on his own hand as Levi speaks. Can’t bring himself to look up anymore. "What if I’d handled it wrong, huh? Fuck- I- I /did/ handle it wrong, I thought she was dying, I freaked out, made it worse."

"… I know," Erwin says, weakly. "I just… she’s been so much better these past few months, the past year. I- I never thought she’d-"

"But she /did,/ Erwin! And I could have handled it differently, fuckin’… correctly! Made her feel safe rather than horrified!"

"… I’m sorry."

"Fuck, Erwin- y- I ain’t the victim! Historia is, get that through your-"

"Do you not think I know that, Levi!?"

Erwin doesn’t mean to raise his voice, but he does. It comes out angry and loudly, and even though it’s an accident, he doesn’t apologise.

"… Don’t… don’t talk to me like I don’t know that! God, I’m so- I’m so tired of everyone just… pretending to understand all of this, fucking… /I’m/ the one who takes her to therapy, I’m the one who deals with her when she’s in so much pain she thinks she’s dying again. /I’m/ the one taking her to… to Mike’s house whenever she has a damn tummy ache because I… she… she /can’t/ bare the thought of a hospital, I… /I’m/ the one who’s spent two years just… /listening/ to my /child,/ my… my only remaining child cry and … fucking yell that she doesn’t want to die, /me!/"

Levi says nothing. Erwin’s voice has been reduced to a trembling half-loud yell as he talks, and he sighs, rubbing his eyes.

"… I know she’s the victim. Don’t sit here and explain that to me. I should have told you, I understand that. I should have. It- It’s just been so good, with you and… and Mikasa and… and I thought maybe… maybe, for once, it didn’t have to be about what happened anymore, that it didn’t have to be about them dying but… yes, I should have said… hh."- 

He stops. Needs a second. Doesn’t even know what he’s saying anymore. "… I just didn’t want this to end."

Levi looks up at him from where he’s sat. "… Nothing’s ending, you idiot. Is that what you think?"

Erwin looks at him. Doesn’t want to speak yet, feels too pathetic, too overwhelmed. Levi sighs.

"Obviously I still want to be with you. And obviously I’m not planning on making /us/ about your accident. Get that through your head."

"… It’s… it’s just so much. I thought… maybe, just… maybe you wouldn’t want to…" Levi sighs again. This time he scoots closer, places a hand on Erwin’s own. "… I’m not stupid, Erwin. I knew something was up. There’s a wedding band on your dresser, there’s women’s perfume in your drawer, for fucks sake."

Erwin chews on his lip. Eyes resting lazily on Levi’s sleeve, his shirt.

"… I was just waiting for you to tell me. I wasn’t gonna ask. I’m… I just wish I’d gotten a warning about Tori. I could have helped, y’know?”

"… You did, Levi," he manages. Looks at him, eyes soft, gentle. "You… you calmed her down, that’s more than most are able to."

Levi scoffs. "Not at first. I don’t know which one of us was freaking out more."

Erwin’s lips curl up in a faint smile, and Levi sighs. Brings Erwin’s hand up to his lips, kisses it softly.

"… This doesn’t change anything, Erwin. Got that?"

Erwin dries his nose with his free hand. Nods. Closes his eyes as Levi stands up to kiss his temple, before bringing his arms around him to stroke his hair. "… Is she the woman on your nightstand? That framed photo?" he asks eventually, and Erwin nods. "… We had… we had more pictures, but… Tori, she… I-I don’t know, I figured it’d be bad for her." 

"You threw them out?"

"…No, no, they’re… uh…" Erwin bites his lip. "Hold on, I’ll…" he says, before getting up. Walks over to the cabinet in the corner, pulls out the second drawer.

It’s all filled with her - photos, trinkets, letters. Their life together, hidden away in a drawer. His eyes land on the small, porcelain box in the corner. He keeps her jewlery there - the earrings she wore on their wedding day, the necklace he gave her on their anniversary. Her wedding band. It’s all gonna go to Historia one day, when she grows up. When she’s ready.

He’d thought of it when she made her first breakthrough with Dr. Zoe, decided when she started smiling again. Thinking one day, if she ever gets married, she might want them. That way, when he walks her down the aisle, well… won’t it be like /she’s/ there with them, too, in a way? Historia’s nickname, Sunshine, had been his wife’s idea. They’d been in the meadow by the old university, basking in the August sun. Historia, their baby, their little girl, had laughed and smiled at the smallest of things.

Erwin had tickled her, blowing raspberries on her little stomach till her sunhat tipped off, shrieking with laughter, eyes bright as always. "God, she smiles more than you do," his wife had laughed. "Our little sunshine." 

Erwin peers down at the porcelain box now.

Sunshine.

Thinks about Historia in the grass today, how she’d writhed, screamed. Wonders if things will ever be the way they were.

He’s torn from his thoughts as Levi places a hand on his back, gently. Nudges the photo by Erwin’s fingers out of the drawer before shutting it, carefully. Pulls him back to the sofa. He leans against Erwin’s shoulder as he hands him the photo back, the hand on his knee, soft, gentle.

"… They’re beautiful," he says. Erwin nods.

It’s a picture from the hospital room, the day their son was born. He watches her now, brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, short locks of hair curled up by sweat and exhaustion framing her face. Watches his son, still wrapped up in hospital blankets in his mother’s arms. His eyes are barely open, but he sees the blue in them, reminiscent of his own. Historia is sat in his lap, smile ever bright, like her mother. He looks at himself. Arm slung around his wife, around Historia. He’d been neater back then. More relaxed.

"… What are their names?" Levi asks.

"… Her name was Vera," Erwin says. "Our son, we- uh-"

He chuckles. "We kept disagreeing on names. All my suggestions were too old-fasioned, she said."

Levi smiles. "Not surprised. You’re the sort of person who’d go and name a baby Gilbert."

"Hey, I’m not that bad," he smiles.

"Mm? What did you wanna name him?"

"Greg."

Levi looks up at him then. Blinks in surprise, before he breaks out in a small laugh. Finally, Erwin smiles too. "… Yeah, yeah, guess you’re with her on this one."

Levi nods. Kisses his arm. Erwin looks back down at the picture. "His uh… his gravestone says ‘Ash.’ She’d found it on some… baby name webpage, couldn’t stop talking about it."

"… Ash," Levi repeats.

They sit in silence for a few, long moments before Erwin puts the picture down. "… I know this is a lot, Levi," he says. "I know you said it wouldn’t, but I really wouldn’t blame you if this did change things."

"It doesn’t," Levi says, immediately. "It doesn’t change anything."

Erwin looks down at him. Studies the grey in his eyes, how the light reflects in them. "Janitor Ackerman, remember?" he mumbles. "Can handle anything." He squeezes Erwin’s leg. Erwin’s lips curl up into a smile as heat gathers in his chest.

"Though I need a quick course in how to calm Historia, if that happens again," Levi says. "Didn’t have time to write all that shit down earlier." He smiles softly as Erwins fingers wander along his jaw.

"… Can I kiss you?"

Levi rolls his eyes. "You don’t have to ask, dumbass," he says, before bridging the gap between them himself, his lips on Erwin’s soft and slow. Erwin rests his forehead against his when they part. "… Dumbass," Levi repeats, gently. "Stupid, bighearted dumbass, keeping all this shit to yourself."

Erwin closes his eyes as he smiles, relishing in Levi’s touch on the back of his neck. "It’ll be okay. Alright? It will be."

"… Thank you, Levi." 

Months pass.

They’re long months, tough ones.

Historia is anxious and scared, and for a while, Erwin has to pick her up early most days. 

But Levi is there. So is Mikasa. After a while, the teachers stop calling Erwin the second Historia shows any signs of anxiousness. Instead, she’ll take five minutes outside with Levi. He’ll calm her down, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes he’ll sit in the classroom with them, sometimes he’ll take her to the teacher’s lounge and make her some tea.

But it gets better.

Erwin keeps working. He’s offered a promotion. He takes it. Playing with his daughter and pleasant pastimes are exchanged for late night paperwork and patching up subordinate’s mistakes. He’s not happy.

He’s leaned over yearly reports and spreadsheets one night, head in his hands and messy hair. Levi gets out of bed to make him a cup of tea. Erwin tells him he doesn’t want to do this anymore.

Levi strokes his hair. Asks what he wants to do. Erwin sighs. What he wants isn’t an option at this point. He’s in his thirties, he’s tread his path already. Levi tells him that's the dumbest thing he's ever heard.

They talk for hours. Muster up a pipe dream plan that seems far too ambitious for Erwin to consider seriously. But then it isn’t, suddenly. He’s got money. He’s secure. He’s set aside a fund for Historia’s tuition already, so why not?

He goes to bed with Levi that night. It’s already morning, the spring sun peeking up over the horizon as he rests his head against Levi’s chest. "… I think I want to go back to school," he whispers. Returning birds are chirping in the background. Levi kisses his hair. "Then do it."

The first spring flowers have peeked their heads up in the dewy grass when Erwin enrolls. It’s a good day. He’s completing his form when he hears Historia cry, and in a surge of panic, he rushes downstairs, out to the garden.

Levi’s hugging her carefully. Mikasa is watching from a distance.

"What if I squeeze your hand, like that. Does it hurt more than your tummy?"

Historia nods. "What if you squeeze mine, as hard as you can- that’s it. Can you feel that more than your tummy?"

Historia nods. "And what if I… attack you!" Historia shrieks in laughter as Levi picks her up, tickles her mercilessly as they both topple over in the grass.

"Levi!" she laughs, and Levi boops her nose. "Feel that more than your tummy?"

"Yeah," she giggles.

"See, you’re just fine. Now come on, dinner’s gonna be ready soon. You better get back to playing."

Historia is still laughing when Mikasa takes her by the hand, and Erwin can’t help it anymore. Grabs Levi’s wrist, pulls him inside, where the kids can’t see. Cups his face as he kisses him. Levi yelps, but melts into it.

"Fucking hell. What’s with you-"

"I love you."

Levi’s eyes widen, his grip on Levi’s arm loosening. "You don’t have to say it back. I just- I love you. I love you, Levi."

Levi’s eyes flicker across his face, unreadable where he stands, pink flush tinting his cheeks. "Nothing’s wrong," Erwin assures. Strokes his thumb over his cheek. "Nothing. I’m- I’m just so happy. I’m so happy."

Levi’s lips curl up in a smile as he closes his eyes. Brings his hands up go rest over Erwin’s chest as he opens them again. "I love you, too, Smith."

Erwin smiles as he kisses him again. Softer, gentler. Rests his forehead against Levi’s own when they part. "… Maybe it’s time we tell the kids." Levi snorts. "Yeah. Maybe."

They sit the girls down the following day. They’re all childish giggles and exchanging looks, and Erwin can’t help but smile at the sight of them. "… Wait," Mikasa pauses, wide-eyed as she looks up at them from across the table. "… Do you… kiss?" She asks in a whisper, and Levi snorts. "If he brushes his teeth, yeah, sometimes."

"Do it now!" Historia demands, wide grinned as she slaps her little palms down on the table. "No, don’t!!" Mikasa shrieks, covering her face with her hands as she blushes. "Daddy, go brush your teeth!"

"No, no, don’t!!"

Erwin lets out a hearty laugh where he stands, and Levi closes his eyes as his lips curl up in a smile, warm and gentle. "We won’t, Mika. Don’t worry," Erwin smiles. "But… you’re both okay with this? I’m sure it’ll take some getting used to."

"Levi, can I call you ‘Lebi,’ then?" Historia interrupts. Levi smiles.

"If you’d like to, yeah."

Mikasa and Historia trail off into a series of giggles and snickers. Beneath the table, Erwin squeezes Levi’s hand. They hold hands at the park. Kiss when they meet at school. Go to bed the right way, without placing a pillow and blanket on the sofa to sell the lie that Levi’s been sleeping on the sofa.

Mikasa stops calling it ‘Historia’s house.’ Instead, she calls it ‘home.’

Levi packs the girls lunch while Erwin brushes their teeth. Levi teaches Historia how to braid her own hair, Erwin carries Mikasa on his shoulders.

"What are you doing up?" Levi asks one morning, messy haired and slack with tiredness when he sees Erwin and Mikasa play with Legos at 7AM on a Saturday. Erwin rubs his eyes, yawns. "Someone had some trouble getting back to sleep, so we got up early."

"Lebi, look!" Mikasa beams, showing off the (rather impressive) lego tower they’ve constructed. Levi sighs. "That’s great, duckling. But… you should get some more sleep. You’ll be tired later."

Instantly, Mikasa shakes her head. Erwin yawns again. Tries not to dread the tired hissy fit that’ll inevitably come later on. Levi rubs his face. "Fine. Then you two can at least make yourselves useful and run to the shop for some breakfast. We need eggs and milk."

"I think we can handle that. Hm, Mikasa?"

Mikasa smiles as she stands up. "Mhm!"

They do as they’re told. By the time they reach the dairy aisle, Mikasa is hanging her head in exhaustion. Erwin picks her up. Lets her sleep in his arms as they walk back. "Hey," he whispers as he enters the kitchen, where Levi’s leaned over a chopping board and vegetables. 

"Seems you were right. She fell asleep at the store. I’d put her back in bed, but I doubt she’d forgive me if I deprived her of cooking with you. She was quite excited."

Levi sighs, but smiles. "Then she best wake up now. I’m fucking starving."

Erwin places the shopping bag on the counter. Brings his hand back up to Mikasa’s hair, where her head is resting against his chest as she sleeps.

"Mikasa?" he prompts, voice gentle. The girl shifts, just barely. Makes a small sound, but remains slack in his arms. "Mikasa," he smiles again. "Lebi’s gonna cook now, if you still want to help."

"… Just a little longer, daddy."

Erwin’s lips part, and Levi drops the knife in his hand. They remain still, frozen in half-shock at the word.

Levi’s eyes are wide, wider than they’ve ever been, and at first Erwin thinks it’s fear, maybe upset. But then his brows turn up, face warped up in an emotional expression unlike Erwin’s ever seen, eyes glassy with what can only be love, adoration, happiness. Erwin doesn’t notice that he looks the very same.

"Okay," he manages weakly, voice so gentle and trembling he fears it might break. Lets out a small, shaky breath as he presses a kiss into her hair. "… Okay. Sleep some more, baby."

He holds her, breathing quicker than it was before as his eyes turn back to Levi.

"… D-… does it bother you?" he whispers. Levi stands up. Teary-eyed and trembling as he rushes over to cup Erwin’s face softly, shakes his head slowly before he pulls him down to kiss him.

"O-of course not, I-" he begins. Stops to catch his breath, to collect himself. Two tears roll down his cheeks as he lets out an airy laugh. "It’s everything I’ve wanted."

Levi rents out his apartment. Mikasa takes over the guest room, covers the walls in posters. The fridge is decked with drawings.

Historia sniffles against Levi’s chest the first time they all visit Vera and Ash’s grave together. Mikasa is quiet as she helps Erwin light the candle, nudged into the dirt.

The gossip persists. Nile tries to dampen it, and Marie helps, somewhat. Still, the day someone pushes Mikasa on the playground is the last straw.

They search for ages, but settle on a four bedroom house in a small seaside town. It’s got plenty of light, and a big garden. The kids have a hard time adjusting to the move. But when Levi finally gives in and lets them have bunk beds, they’re a bit more susceptible to the idea. With previous experience, it’s not hard for Erwin to land a job. It’s at the local high school, teaching history and geography. He’s beaming when he comes back from his first day.

They visit Vera and Ash’s grave again. This time, Historia doesn’t cry. She grabs Erwin’s hand, tells her she wants mommy to have purple flowers this time, because it’s her favourite colour.

They hang Vera’s picture on the living room wall, next to the very first drawing Mikasa and Historia gifted Levi. He doesn’t say it, but the words "JANITER ACKERMAN CAN HANDEL ANYTING" are oddly motivating, even now.

Erwin gardens. Onions, carrots and tomatoes, fresh herbs for Levi’s tea. Levi buys a piano. He plays while Erwin cooks dinner.

There’s a vacant cottage a few houses down. Levi’s decided. He wants to be selfish, just once. He’s gonna start the teashop he’s always wanted.

They’re stargazing one night. The kids have gone to sleep, and the sky is an endless plethora of light. Levi’s got wide eyes and parted lips as he watches, and Erwin can’t take it anymore. He asks him to marry him, even says please. Levi says yes.

Historia becomes class president. Mikasa picks up track and cuts her hair short.

Erwin finds Levi overwhelmed at 3AM, leaned over endless planning sheets and post it notes for his tea shop. He’s angry, pushes Erwin away with demands for him to fuck off. Erwin tells him to breathe. Levi breaks. Sobs against Erwin’s neck as he tells him he can’t do it, that he won’t ever be good enough. Erwin tells him to stop being ridiculous. 

The medals Mikasa brings home from track are endless. Her family cheers from the sidelines. One day she’s approached by a bald man with a wrinkly face. Introduces himself as Pixis, and Erwin thinks that name rings a bell. He’s the head of some sports specialisation course, for the particularly gifted. Tells Mikasa to contact him once she’s old enough. She says she’ll think about it.

Levi’s on edge one night. Quiet. They go to bed, and the lights are low. The wind is rustling the leaves outside. Levi admits it quietly, when Erwin’s nearly asleep. 

He wants another baby.

Whilst walking home from school, Historia finds a stray cat. It’s meowing loudly, follows her as she tries to walk home. She brings him into the kitchen with wide eyes and pouty lips. Begs Levi to let her keep him. "We don’t have room for a cat, sunshine," Levi sighs, unsurprised when Historia starts crying. He places the cat outside. Finds the little blonde an hour later, staring at it through the window with wide eyes, sullen and longing. Hates himself as he texts Erwin to pick up a collar on his way back. Historia names it ‘Ravioli.’ 

Levi opens his teashop. He’s nervous, fidgety. Can’t rid himself of the bad feeling in his chest. It’s an endless success. ‘Ackerman Tea’ becomes a beloved local spot, mainly for the elderly and students from the college up the road. ‘Mr. Ackerman’ becomes a well-renowned man in town. 

The girls are confused when they return from the hospital with no baby. Levi hides his face in his hands, Erwin shakes his head. He doesn’t understand, either. 

They go on vacation together. Historia and Mikasa play in the water, and Erwin sees Levi smile again for the first time in months. 

The second donor hands them a pink bundle with a smile on her face. Says she’s signed the papers already, to give her a good life. Levi can’t stop smiling. Erwin can’t stop crying. It’s snowing outside. They name her Gabi. 

Levi gets a phonecall while at work. Historia said the f-word at school. Levi says he’s got /no/ idea where she’s learned that. 

Erwin’s father dies. Heart attack. He has his first panic attack in years, and calls Levi from the hospital. As he sobs, disoriented and breathless, Levi whispers soft reassurances in his ear. 

Gabi’s first word is ‘tractor.’ Erwin laughs so hard he falls off his chair, breaks his tailbone. 

Mikasa never forgets about that strange old man from her race. The week before she turns twelve, Erwin sits down with her to send him an email. 

Historia gets her ears pierced. Mikasa is packing her bags to leave for the sport’s course. Together, they hold Gabi’s hands as she takes her first steps, and Erwin cheers loudly. Levi watches them from the porch. It dawns on him that he’s happy. 

It’s Saturday. Historia is covering Levi’s shift at the teashop. An older man comes in. He’s got a wrinkly face and thin, stringy hair, and he smells like cigarettes. He asks her for the owner. Historia says he’ll be in on Monday. The man persists. Asks how she knows him. Seems to soften when she says she’s his daughter. Whatever she recommends, he’ll get, he says. While Historia is brewing his second cup of tea, Levi comes by with a load of new supplies. Nearly drops them to the ground as he sees the old man in his chair. Tells her to get out, go home. Historia doesn’t understand. She hears Levi flip the store sign from OPEN to CLOSED as she leaves. 

Mikasa calls at ten in the evening. She’s crying. Says she doesn’t like this school anymore, that she wants to come home. Levi readies her bed while Erwin pick her up. 

Levi is all tense shoulders and averting gazes as he introduces his uncle. Erwin is ecstatic. He shakes Kenny’s hand, tells him it’s great to meet him. Kenny says he better treat his nephew right. Erwin doesn’t point out the obvious. Levi does. Gabi cries because he smells weird. 

Erwin catches the girls giggling to themselves. He asks what they’re talking about. Gabi blurts that Mikasa got a boyfriend. Mikasa calls her a traitor. 

Levi says she’s too young for a boyfriend. Mikasa is furious, kicks the table. Says he’s the love of her life, storms out when Erwin fails to bite back his laughter. "I hate you!" she screams, and slams the door so loud a picture is knocked off the wall. 

Erwin finds her sniffly and teary-eyed some time later. He apologises. Asks about this boyfriend of hers, when they’ll get to meet him. Mikasa is tentative, but tells him anyway. By the time Lebi comes in with some tea, she’s smiling again. 

Erwin gets a call from school. Gabi is in the hospital. She was playing, fell off the slide. When he barges into the doctor’s office, Levi is already there, stroking her forehead. She’s got red-stained eyes and puffy eyelids. A bit proudly she asks Erwin to sign her cast. 

Pressure gets to Historia. Levi walks in on her sobbing over overdue assignments and unfinished homework. Strokes her back when she blurts that she just wants to make him proud. Levi nearly drops the cup in his hand. "You’re my child, Historia," he urges, half-shocked, half-upset. "I’ve always been proud of you, I always will be. No matter what." Historia sniffles against his chest. 

Their first meeting with their daughter’s boyfriend is unplanned. Erwin catches Mikasa sneaking out in the middle of the night, a bottle of liquor in hand. Eren Jaeger is outside, waiting in his car. Levi chases him off with a plastic slipper and a colourful vocabulary. 

Kenny offers to watch the kids one weekend. Reluctantly, Levi accepts. They visit a cabin in the forest, spend their days on hikes and bike rides. There are no children sleeping in nearby rooms. No reason to mind the noise. Kenny snorts when Levi comes back with a limp. 

Mikasa starts running again. Contacts Pixis, who’s happy to coach her. She qualifies for nationals. 

Gabi sniffles in the crook of Erwin’s neck. School isn’t fun anymore. She doesn’t understand anything. She’s stupid. Everyone else can do it, it isn’t fair. He rocks her gently as Levi makes her a cup of hot chocolate. 

When he comes home, Levi is bombarded by the sound of overlapping screams. "We’re in love, /dad!/"

"You’re sixteen! You’re a child, that boy won’t be around forever!" Levi nearly passes out when he sees the ‘Eren’-tattoo on Mikasa’s arm. 

Historia calls. College is fun, but there’s an annoying blonde boy who won’t stop asking her out. It’s okay, though - her roommate, Ymir, ‘took care of him’ behind campus today! 

Marie calls. Says she’s seen Mikasa on TV, tells Erwin congratulations. Erwin battles the urge to say ‘I told you so.’ 

Gabi comes home smiling. Still, she’s quiet, and Levi presses a kiss in her hair as he asks what’s up. She says she thinks she made a friend. His name is Falco. They’re gonna play games later. 

They’re on video chat with Mikasa. She’s got jetlag, but her new coach seems nice. She asks how everyone’s doing. They tell her about the regulars at the teashop, about Erwin’s new job as head of the humanities department. That they’ve just met Historia’s girlfriend, that Gabi is at Falco’s house, that she’d appreciate a call from her big sister.

By the time they hang up, Levi’s brushing over the engagement ring on Erwin’s finger. "Hm?" the blonde asks.

"… I think we’ve waited long enough." 

"I do."

The kiss is overwhelming. Electrifying. Filled with a tenderness and passion and love so strong and so overpowering Erwin barely notices the tears rolling down his cheeks. He opens his eyes to see his fiancé - no - his /husband:/ emotional and laughing, the sound of it drowned by cheers and clapping. Erwin lets out a teary laugh, brushes his fingers over Levi’s hair, pinned to the side with small, yellow flowers.

Mikasa is sniffling just beside them, one hand held by each of her sisters, who are beaming, laughing. The memory is precious, so pure and so filled with love in its purest form, and it etches itself in the very depths of Erwin’s body, his chest, his mind.

They go to a quiet place by the ocean the next day. Levi’s fingers are warm against his bare chest where they lay, lazy and content. Erwin looks down at him now, suddenly reminded of the very first time they were like this. When they’d only just met, lost and confused, two outsiders aimlessly making their way through a community of cold shoulders. 

It dawns on Erwin what an unlikely thing it really was. He’d been lost. Stuck. Caught up mourning the loss of a life he’d never get to live.

And then /he/ came along. Secretive and mistrusting, with a shell so hard it’s a miracle they ended up friends in the first place. No, not a miracle, Erwin realises. Trust. Dedication.

He’d seen something in Levi that day, years ago, something genuine and beautiful and worth pursuing.  It had been what he needed. He hadn’t realised it at the time, but it had been exactly what he needed.

Good. A /real/ sort of good.

Not shallow wishes of wellbeing in the playground, like he’d lived off of before, but something authentic. Lasting. 

He watches Levi now.

He’s laid against Erwin’s chest, basking in the low August sun.

He watches the light gleam deep within his eyes, the grey in them relishing in a low, enchanting ember, and Erwin finds himself thinking the sun must have been made for him, and him alone. He brings his hand down now, watches the black locks of hair sway at his fingertips, smooth and quick, like silk or sand. His eyes widen. Halts all movement as he sees it, shimmering and light. A single strand of grey, just by his temple. He smiles fondly.

"What?" Levi asks.

His lips are curled up in a faint smile, just as they were that day in the hallway, when they called each other by their names for the first time. Erwin smiles. Closes his eyes as he brings their foreheads together.

"You’re a miracle, Levi Ackerman." 

// by the incredible @09_notfound on twitter <3

Chapter Text

PART ONE. A PHLEBOTOMIST AND A KINDERGARTEN TEACHER WALK INTO A BAR.

"Sasha! That’s not for eating!"

Levi wipes his hands on his apron as he approaches, ducking past screetching kids and drying watercolour paintings. He’s quick to pull the yellow lump of playdough out of Sasha’s hand. There’s bitemarks in them, but the ball is still intact - no need to call poison control just yet.

"I’m hungry," the girl fusses, fists clenched and brows furrowed. "And it smells good!"

"It’ll upset your tummy." Levi pushes the yellow lump back into its container. Squeezes the lid shut, props it in the pocket of his apron. "Lunch is in ten minutes, kiddo. Think you can hold out that long?" Sasha chews on her bottom lip, crosses her arms. She shrugs. Levi thanks whatever divine fucker is out there that she’s not throwing a hissy fit - this little terror is a biter. He ruffles her hair some, shooting her a small smile as he stands back up. "C’mon. Pack up the crayons, it’ll be lunchtime by the time you’re done."

With the promise of soon-to-be lunch, Sasha complies - the frown on her face slightly less evident as she starts clearing up. Good. One less brat to worry about.

Levi turns his head to scan around the classroom. There’s half an army’s worth of 4-year-olds running around, each of them on their own little mission of havoc-wreaking, and every day from 8-3, Levi’s there to oversee it. 

Had anyone told him this is how he’d spend his days whilst he was pursuing his degree in computer science, Levi would have smacked them in the face. Unlike the other teachers, each more happy-go-lucky than the last, childcare had never been part of his plan - no, he’d been meant to work in IT - get a secure job with good pay. He was never supposed to become a teacher of any kind. But graduation had come and gone, and in the countryside town he resides in, job opportunities had been poor. Pursuing something else had seemed hard and demotivating - he’d barely gotten through university and all its hurdles, no fucking way he was going to let his efforts go to waste. Moving hadn’t been an option either - no fucking way he’d leave his mother, not in her current state.

And so he’d taken to the newspapers - circled whichever job offer seemed the least unbearable, gone through an endless range of interviews for positions he wasn’t suited for. The constant rejection had been stressful, stressful enough for Levi to grow desperate, and on a whim, he’d applied here.

St. Sina Public Nursery. 

Levi had dreaded his first day. Kids were loud, dirty, unreasonable . Far too innocent for his own crass vocabulary, far too chaotic for his preferences. Six years had passed since then.

Six years, eight hours a day. 

What was supposed to function as a temporary money-maker had become Levi’s whole life at this point, and what was worse was that he honestly began to not mind after a while. Levi’s suspicions had been confirmed on his first day - kids were indeed filthy. They were loud and annoying, and holy shit, some of them cried at everything .

But they were also clever. Clever and creative and well… kind little things, kind little things Levi grew to care for, deeply.

He’d nearly cried when it was time for his first class to move on to first grade. Clenched his fist ever slightly to stop from trembling as he gave them all a final hug goodbye, voice shaky as he’d wished them luck at school. He’d stopped looking for job opportunities after that. 

A sharp shriek tears him from his reverie, and he snaps his head to the side to see a lock of black hair clenched tightly in a little fist.

"Oi! Eren!" The boy looks up with wide eyes, his grip on Mikasa’s hair slacking instantly. "We don’t do that. Apologise." 

"But… but it’s my turn, Mr. Ackerman!" the boy yelps, sheepish as he lets his sister’s hair fall from his hand. Levi’s eyes revert to the squishball in Mikasa’s hands - one Levi regrets buying deeply. It’s a soft plastic ball, made to be squished and thrown around, the small lightbulbs within it blinking with purple if it’s thrown hard enough. Every day, without fail, there’s an argument about it. "That doesn’t mean you should pull her hair, Eren," Levi sighs. "You’ll have your go after lunch. Apologise."

Eren frowns deeply. Out of all his kids, that one is probably the fussiest of all of them - prone to break out in anger or upset, sling his fists around in frustration until he’s sent to timeout. It takes some convincing, but eventually he does apologise. Levi thinks it might be solely to get to lunch, but whatever - he wants to get going, too.

Lunch goes by swiftly. Marco cries because he doesn’t like peas, but calms once Levi suggests he picks another side instead. He picks apple slices instead. Problem solved. Once the kids are full and the trays have been returned, Levi hoards the class back to their classroom.

It’s naptime then; a nice break from constant chatter and childish bickering. It’s the only time Levi can hear himself think, really, and on most days, he’ll spend it reading or cleaning or scrolling through his phone mindlessly. But today it feels nice to just… zone out. To enjoy the silence, feel himself relax in his chair by the legos. He’ll read them a book once they wake up, he thinks. Maybe the one about the lonely grasshopper, or the fairy with no wings. On second hand, maybe not. Both of those are quite somber, and he rarely gets past the first few pages before Historia or Marco begin to sob.

After a quick glance at the book case, he decides on ‘Ellie the Elephant Goes to the Moon.’ The kids enjoy his elephant impression far too much to even think of crying. Yeah. Good call.

Levi nods approvingly, tucks the book under his arm as he walks back toward his chair. It’s only then he hears a small whimper from below, tiny and pathetic and worrying enough that it makes Levi’s chest tighten immediately.

He turns to look at the kids again, scanning each of their faces. His gaze eventually lands on Armin, a tiny thing with his blanket pulled up to his eyes.

Armin joined their class later in the year. Sometime in October, November, Levi can’t remember. He’s an anxious kid, quieter than the others, and although he’s got plenty of friends, he tends to get overwhelmed easily, to cry a lot. Levi doesn’t know the kid’s parents. It’s Petra who takes care of pick up and registration, Levi just send the kids down on their way.

But he knows there’s some sort of family dispute going on - Armin had told him as much teary-eyed and whimpering during his first week, choking on his sobs as he said he missed his mother. She’s not dead or anything like that - Levi would have been told if she was, and so he can only imagine it’s a case of divorce or a tough move, something like that. He crouches down beside him now, tugging his blanket below his face ever slightly. Shit, you could fry a damn egg on the kid’s forehead - Armin’s burning up, and quickly, Levi scoops him up in his arms.

Armin lets out a whiny noise as he does, and Levi hushes him - the last thing he needs is the rest of the brats waking up. He grabs the thermometer beneath his desk before he slips out of the room, Armin still clammy in his arms. Once outside, he shakes the boy awake.

"Armin," he says softly. "Wake up, kid. Are you feeling alright?"

Armin’s eyelids are heavy as they flutter open in slow, gliding motions. He tips his head back against Levi’s chest, rubs his eyes with his fists.

"Mh…" 

"I’m gonna take your temperature. Just gonna poke your ear with this thing, okay?"

"… M’cold," the kid replies, voice weak and croaky with sleep.

"I know," Levi mumbles as he turns the device on. Puts it to the kids ear, presses the button twice. "Let me just check this, and I’ll get your blanket."

Armin doesn’t respond. His body is slack as he rests against him, trembling ever slightly. Whispers something about wanting his blanket again whilst Levi waits for the number to pop up. He’s unsurprised when it confirms his suspicions, and makes a quick trip back to wrap the boy back into his blanket, picking up his contact folder and the school phone while he’s at it. 

It doesn’t take him long to find Armin’s name - it’s scribbled in pen at the bottom of the class roster, a testament to his latecoming. Levi punches in the number whilst he strokes Armin’s back - the poor kid is shivering, and Levi can only hope his dad actually picks up. 

The phone rings once, twice. Click. What the fuck? The guy hung up on him! Surely he’s gotta have the school’s number saved, right?

Levi calls again. It rings twice, thrice, four times, seven. And then Armin’s father hangs up again.

For fucks sake. 

One more time.

One beep. Two. Thr-

"/Yes!? Hello?/"

The man’s voice is deep - sharp with an annoyance that throws Levi off momentarily. He loses his train of thought, the manuscript they’ve usually got planned for these calls completely forgotten. 

"/Hello!?/" the man calls again. There’s loud chatter in the background. Someone yells, and there’s a static beeping noise going off somewhere in the distance.

"… Erwin Smith?" Levi croaks. Clears his throat immediately after hearing his own voice. 

"Yes," the man says. "Listen, I really haven’t got time for this, so you’ve either gotta stop calling or cut to the chase."

What the fuck? Fucking asshole.

"Your son’s shaking like my classroom’s a high functioning freezer, his forehead is scorching. That important enough for you, or would you rather get on with your day?" Levi spits. He tugs Armin a bit closer to himself.

For a second, the man says nothing.

"… Mr. Ackerman?"

Levi rolls his eyes. "Yeah." 

"Shi- oh, I’m… I’m so sorry. I'm so terribly sorry, I- Give me a second."

There’s a thud and a clank, followed by a door creaking open. Passing murmurs and distant beeping.

"Sorry. I’m very sorry. Is Armin alright?"

Levi rolls his eyes. "He’s got a fever, if you didn’t gather already. Whatever it is you’re doing, drop it. Come pick your kid up."

"R-right. My apologies, uhm… Petra? Petra, find Mike for me, immediately. He’s… Yes. Yes, by the exits. Thank you. Mr. Ackerman, I’ll be there shortly."

Levi hums. Says bye, hangs up. Thank fuck that’s over, what a fucking ass.

Only it’s not over, of course - it’s not time for pick-up yet, and so Mr. Smith skips right past registration and barges into his classroom some forty minutes later. 

Levi is in the middle of reading - Ellie the Elephant has just gotten her rocket ship to work again, and the kids are more invested than ever. Armin is still bundled up in his arms, absentmindedly listening as he clings to Levi’s chest, still shivering. 

"’But I don’t want you to go to the moon,’ said Milly the Mouse. ‘I want you to stay with me forever and ever. No one else has-"

"Mr. Ackerman?"

Levi flinches, turns just as his kids do the same. There’s a blonde man standing in the doorway, and although he should just push Armin into his arms and get on with it, Levi… well, he gets distracted. Because the man is fucking gorgeous.

He’s tall. Broad-shouldered and tall, like taken out of a damn magazine. His hair is slightly messy, wet with the rain pittering against the windows. 

And fuck, he’s got the bone structure of a Greek God - a jaw that could carve through stone, cheekbones high and prominent. And those eyes - they’re so gentle, kind, sweet enough that Levi fucking blushes under their gaze, and he looks away momentarily. What the fuck? 

He doesn’t know what he’d expected Armin’s dad to look like. Just a regular fucking guy, probably, maybe a little ugly based on his snarkiness earlier. But… no, this man is anything but ugly. He’s Levi’s ideal type - tall enough that he’d have to get on his toes to reach him, broad enough to engulf him completely, and… just fucking handsome .

"I… uhm, I’m here to pick up Armin?" 

Levi clears his throat once he realises he’s staring. He closes the book quickly, earning him a range of disapproving groans from the heap of kids in front of him. "Oi now, patience," he says. "We’ll find out what happens in a sec. I’ll be five minutes." 

It’s only once they’re out in the hallway that Armin seems to understand what’s happening.

"… Daddy," Armin whimpers, little hands reaching out towards the man. And Smith takes him immediately, holds him against his chest as he strokes his hair, kisses his temple. 

"Hey bud," he says softly. "Not feeling so good?"

"I feel sick," Armin whimpers. Smith’s brows knit together in concern, and he tightens his grip around his son. "We’ll go home, sweetheart. You’ll feel better once you’ve had some rest, okay?" 

Armin hums absentmindedly, and finally, Smith looks at Levi. He’s awkward as he does, sheepish almost. Opens his mouth to say something. Closes it again, furrows his brows in thought. "I…" he begins. "I really am sorry about my attitude earlier, Mr. Ackerman. I work at the hospital, so some days can be extremely fast-paced."

Levi tries hard not to stare at the man’s thighs. They’re thick - he can tell by the way the tops of them stretch the fabric of his sweats. He clears his throat.

"Save that number," he manages, settling for staring at Smith’s hand instead. "If we call, we ain’t calling without reason." Apologetically, Smith nods. "Of course. I’m sorry if I caused any trouble, Mr. Ackerman. I appreciate everything you do for my son, I really do. He speaks… he speaks very warmly of you, and I’d hate to give you the wrong impression. I’m quite pleasant, usually." Smith chuckles awkwardly, hands still moving through Armin’s hair. Levi just nods, unsure of what to say. "… Yeah, uh. You’re fine. Just save the number."

"Yes, Sir," he says awkwardly, probably meant as a joke. "Well, uhm… I’m gonna bring this guy home, he’s overdue for some rest, I think. Thanks so much again. I hope to see you again soon." 

And then, Smith is off.

Strange guy. Or maybe not. Stressed guy. Still a bit of an ass.

Levi makes his way back into the classroom, finishes the turbulent story of Ellie the Elephant. In the back of his mind, he wonders whether Smith really meant the last thing he’d told him. 

That night, he shamelessly looks up Smith’s name on Facebook. He finds his profile pretty easily - it’s a small town after all, and he’s not surprised to see they’ve got a handful of mutual facebook friends.

The facebook friends in question aren’t friends in real life, not really - the old lady working the till at the butcher, one of the guys who went to Levi’s highschool. His uncle’s friend’s wife… shit like that.

Other than the fact that he’s got the face and body of a goddamn supermodel, Smith seems normal. He’s got pictures from family dinners, Christmas parties. Levi begins to feel creepy once he finds a picture of a teary-eyed Smith holding a wrinkly, screaming baby, one he can only assume is Armin. He closes the tab. Erwin Smith. Maybe it’s the lack of sex recently, but shit, what he’d give to have Smith give him that same snarky attitude from earlier in the privacy of his bedroom. Levi rubs his eyes. God, he’s pathetic. Pathetic and horny.

The last time he dated must have been… three years ago now? Since then he’s only done casual hookups - one night stands from shit dating apps or sleezy men at local bars. But since he moved back in with his mother, some six, seven months back, Levi’s sex life has pretty much fucked off completely. There’s no fun in bringing a guy home if your mother will be there to see him sneak out the next day.

And Levi doesn’t long for a relationship, not really. And he thinks sex is awkward for the most part, if he’s honest - he prefers to shut his eyes in the process of it, moan into the safe space of his palm and get lost until it’s over. Still, there’s something he misses. Something he wants, something he can’t quite put his finger on. A strange itch in his lower belly, one that began when he saw Smith’s hot ass, dumb face today.

Shit, maybe Levi just needs to fuck off to a gay bar in another town. Find someone to fuck the pent-up frustration out of him, return by the end of the weekend.

"Levi, honey?"

Ah. No.

Leaving isn’t an option anymore. 

When Levi enters, Kuchel is laying in bed, eyes low-lidded. "Mum?" he says. "Do you need anything?" By now, Levi’s used to the heaps of prescription pills in the cabinet, the medical bills lying around. But he doesn’t ever think he’ll get used to the clear breathing tube that leads through his mother’s nose. Kuchel smiles as she reaches out for him, grey eyes glistening as he sits down at her bedside. "I was just wondering if you’ve heard from Kenny." Levi frowns. Chews his lip as he averts her gaze, scratches his eyebrow. "Uhm… not yet, mum."

Kuchel sighs. "He’s always been so slow," she chuckles. Lays her hand over Levi’s own. He can feel the bones of her fingers graze his skin. "Mh…" he begins. "… Sure has." 

"I bet he’ll be back within the week," Kuchel says, for the fifth week in a row. "Just you wait."

Not wanting to add to that, Levi only nods. Doesn’t say what he’s thinking, decides to not be pessimistic again. That didn’t work out on anyone’s favour last time. 

Saturday comes and goes. Levi cooks and cleans, watches his mother’s TV shows with his head on her shoulder, tucks her covers around her once she’s fallen asleep. He goes back to his room, the one he had as a child, a teenager. The walls are still covered in posters of rock bands and movies Levi liked at the time, the wallpaper beneath it dry and flaking. Sometimes he wonders just how long he’ll live like this. But he always shakes the thought - there are only horrible, unthinkable reasons that he’d /stop/ living like this, after all. The next day passes quickly as well. Levi changes Kuchel’s bedsheets, cleans her room. He doesn’t like the idea of it being dusty, not in her condition. It stresses him out.

During dinner, Kuchel asks about Kenny again. He sees her tap a bony finger nervously against the flat of the table, and Levi feels bad when he says he hasn’t heard anything. Kuchel shoots him a smile, one that’s meant to be reassuring, but it only fills Levi with guilt and anxiety and dread. 

He goes to work the next morning. It’s show and tell today, and Levi can’t help but smile as the kids give their presentations.

They’ve been working on the alphabet, and so each kid has been given one letter each - Historia brings in an A -ngel figurine made out of glass. Jean gets a little too excited bouncing his B -asketball, and Marco ends up in tears as the thing hits him in the face. Once that little hiccup is cleared up, Armin takes the stage - he’s all better now, healthy and back to his usual self. Still, he seems a little nervous, and he makes his way over to Levi when he’s told to come up.

"But… but Mr. Ackerman?" he says quietly, so quiet Levi has to bend down to hear. "I… I was sick so I didn’t know what to bring, and… and it’s not that cool," he whispers, wide, blue eyes filled with genuine concern. "That’s okay," Levi says, just as quietly - for the sake of privacy. "Did you bring something that begins with C?"

Nervously, Armin nods. He wrings his wrists, gaze on his shoes. 

"Then I’m sure it’s just fine. Do you wanna show us?"

Armin bites his lip. Looks up again before nodding again. Carefully, he takes his place in front of the others. "Mm… my letter is… is C. And… and I was gonna bring… bring my crayons," Armin begins, clutching his hands together at his front. "But then um… my dad actually said he were... were... or... was in a rush so… so I forgot them. But I found something else," he says. Reaches into the pocket of his trousers, and Levi’s eyes widen.

"What’s that ?" Jean yaps.

Levi blinks absentmindedly as he watches the small, rectangular thing in Armin’s hand.

C is for C -ash money apparently, because Armin has brought in a damn credit card. "It’s a card!" the boy says. "That’s what my dad always calls it."

Just like Levi’s taught them, the kids clap politely, and Armin moves back to his seat with a small smile, presumably happy his presentation went better than expected. While Ymir gets up to present her D -evil horns, Levi quietly makes his way over, only then clocking that this definitely isn’t Armin’s card. Ymir enthusiastically tells the class about how she's gonna wear these horns for Halloween, Levi explains in a whisper that although Armin did a good job, his dad probably needs his card back. The kid looks like a deer in headlights, scared he's done something wrong, and although he has, technically, it's not like he had any bad intentions. These things happen, kids do shit like this because they can't recognise the gravity of them, and if Smith decides to give his son a hard time over this, Levi's gonna grab him by the neck. "I'm sorry," Armin whispers, little hands clutching at the mastercard in his hands protectively. "It's alright, Armin," Levi says. "I'll make sure daddy gets it back. Okay?" 

While the other kids give their presentations, and Levi can’t help but glance down at the card in his hands. How much money would be on Smith’s bank account, he wonders? He said he works at the hospital. Is he a nurse? A doctor? … Could his salary cover a medical bill? No, what the fuck is he thinking? Money is tight, but not that tight.

He gives the kids paper, instructs them to draw something beginning with the letter A as he makes his way over to the school phone again. He easily finds Smith’s number on the list of recently called people, and gives the kids a final glance before he rings.

This time, Smith picks up on the third ring.

"Mr. Ackerman?" 

"Hey. You missing your card?"

There’s a pause. "Y-yes?"

"Your kid brought it in for show and tell."

There’s a loud sigh on the other end, one that seems to be half-relieved, half-frustrated. "Geez," he laughs. "I’ve turned my apartment upside down looking for it." 

"Should have checked your kid’s pocket, I guess. Or given him something else that begins with a C."

On the other end, Erwin laughs loudly, a deep, hearty laugh. Briefly, Levi wonders what he looks like. "I suppose I could have given him access that wouldn’t financially drain me," he chuckles. "I’ll be right there, in fifteen minutes or so. Is that alright?"

"Sure."

"Brilliant. I’ll see you." 

And Levi does see him. Fifteen minutes later, Smith is knocking on the classroom door, lets out a groan of relief st the sight of the card. He looks more relaxed than before, Levi notes - slightly less messy too. Black trousers rather than sweats, a white sweater, blue vest. Certainly not your typical hospital attire.

"Daddy!"

Armin leaps from his chair as he spots his father, drawing and crayon long forgotten. Erwin crouches down, reaches his arms out to catch the boy in his arms with a small laugh.

"Hey, sweetie!" 

"Daddy, did you come for show and tell?"

Erwin chuckles as he stands up, brushing some of Armin’s hair back.

"I suppose I did. I heard a certain someone brought something from my wallet today?"

Armin blinks absentmindedly, once, twice, before he’s washed over by a wave of embarrassment, cheeks growing rosy red as he tilts his head into the shelter of Erwin’s chest. Levi steps forward then, extends his arm to hand the card over.

" But ," he adds, "he gave a great talk about it. Huh, Armin?" 

Erwin smiles expectantly as the boy turns to Levi, ever reluctant. Encouraging, Levi raises his brows at him. It makes Armin turn back to his dad. "… They clapped for me," he mutters, a twinkle of pride detectable in his voice. "Did they, now? That’s fantastic, honey." The blonde crouches down again, sets Armin back to stand on his own feet. "I’m glad it went well. But Armin, you can’t take things out of daddy’s wallet like that."

Levi is unsurprised when Armin’s lip begins to tremble, nervously nudging the tip of his toes against the side of his other foot. "I know you needed something for show and tell, but next time, tell me that instead. Alright? I need to use this to get us dinner, y’know."

"… Sorry," Armin whispers, voice in a tremble. 

"Hey, it’s alright. I’m not upset with you, buddy. Just ask me next time, okay?"

A nod. Still, it’s clear Armin’s uneasy - any child would be, in the face of being told off.

"Hey. Kiddo," Levi shoots in. He doesn’t want the kid to break down crying, and in this case, the quicker the boy is distracted, the smaller are the chances of a fit. "I saw you finished that drawing. Why don’t you show daddy what you’re making?" 

And Armin does. For the next five minutes, Erwin is shown his son’s drawings of A -pples, A -lligators, A -rms, A -irplanes. By then, the other children have begun to sniff around Erwin like curious puppies, asking him all sorts of questions. 

"What do you work as?" Jean demands, waddling over.

"I’m a phlebotomist."

Jean nods slowly, presumably too proud to admit he’s got no idea what that means. "Plebo…to..mis…us," he repeats quietly.

"What’s that?" Marco supplies, and Jean seems relieved. 

"It means I work with blood samples at the hospital," Erwin smiles. "Actually… actually once," Armin pipes up. "Once daddy was… was like… doing a blood sample, and then the lady kicked his face because she was… was scared of needle…s." 

"My dad works at the hospital too, Mr. Smith!" Eren yells, unnecessarily loudly.

"I know," Erwin says warmly. "I know Grisha quite well, actually. We work on the same section."

"My daddy’s a so-called worker!" Sasha adds.

"Social worker," Levi corrects. 

"My dad has diabetes!" Connie yells.

Levi snorts. "Okay, c’mon. Mr. Smith has to get back to work, and you all have drawings to do." 

Despite the kids' disappointed murmurs, they make their way back to their tables, and Armin gives his father another hug before phlebotomist Smith makes his way towards the door. "Thanks so much again, Mr. Ackerman," he says. "I was beginning to fear we’d have to settle for cereal for dinner." 

He shoots Levi a warm smile, straight, white teeth showing, just barely. Fucking bastard. Levi clicks his tongue. He doesn’t know what to say. "… Sure. Don’t worry about it," he settles for.

"And I still hope you don’t think too badly for me," Smith continues. "I’d hate to have offended my son’s favourite teacher."

Levi cocks a brow. First of all, it’s not that hard to be someone’s favourite teacher when you’re also their only teacher. Secondly, Smith is still fucking worried about that? "Do you think I’m that sensitive?"

"Not at all," Smith quickly corrects, rushed as he waves his hands apologetically, and for a second Levi fears he’s gonna start saying he’s sorry again. "It’s just- well, I’m usually not like that. I didn’t want to give you the wrong impression."

"Yeah, yeah, my broken heart is mended, thanks a lot," Levi chides. "It’s fine. I was kind of an asshole too, if you didn’t fucking notice." 

Smith pauses. Maybe he’s taken aback by Levi’s sudden swearing, maybe he’s offended this time around. But he only chuckles lowly, gentle gaze moving over to the kids, his son. "You reap what you sow, I suppose." 

Watching Smith gaze over, absentminded as he spurs some metaphor or symbol or… or whatever it is (Levi nearly failed English language twice) is honestly a comically dramatic sight, and Levi can’t hold back a sharp snort. Poetic phlebotomist. 

"Wise words," he jokes. "Go draw some blood or something. I’ve got drawings to review."

Smith looks back at him, lips curling up into a smile of pure endearment as he nods. "Alright then. Goodbye, Mr. Ackerman." 

"What!?"

Levi doesn’t notice just how loud he’s being, how sharply his voice bounces off the walls in a deafening echo. Anger has washed over him, far too overpowering and vast to be stifled, and Levi feels himself struggling to stay present in those deep, murky waters. 

"What the fuck do you mean it’s not working!? We-"

"Levi. Settle down, please." Dr. Zoe’s usual gleeful tone has been replaced by something unsettling and somber. They hold Levi’s gaze in their own, an insistent and serious thing, and hopelessly, Levi slumps back down into the wooden chair by the desk. The laser therapy isn’t working. The therapy that’s cost them more than both of them could ever afford, the treatment all the doctors recommended, the one they bet all their money on, isn’t working.

Dr. Zoe’s voice fades to a distant muffle as Levi looks up again.

" K. ACKERMAN, TRACHEA. "

It’s written in fancy, regal looking letters - the type you’d use in a college essay or in a public annoncement, perhaps, and for some reason, amidst the absolute absurdity he finds himself lost in, it’s this that strikes him as odd. He doesn’t know what he’d expected - maybe something more… journalistic, perhaps? The sort of font you’d get from those old typewriters, something like that. Levi doesn’t wallow in the oddity of it all for long. Because above the unfitting label with an unfitting font, is an x-ray, and as Levi stares at the twin lumps growing at each side of the airway, he finally, finally reaches the very bottom of those deep, endless waters - hopeless. 

"… But she did everything you said," Levi manages. "I- she quit smoking, I… I make her food every day, it- healthy, good food, it’s - I-"

"Sadly, some things are out of our control. Although the measures your mother has taken have probably contributed in certain ways, malignant tumours are rarely hindered by lifestyle changes. I know these aren’t the news you were hoping for, Levi," Dr. Zoe says. "And we still have options. This doesn’t mean Kuchel can’t get better."

Do they have options? Sure, maybe there are more treatments, but even so… his mother has already worked up far too much debt in medical bills to keep this going. 

"… What can we do?" Levi asks. Clenched his own fist until he can feel his fingernails digging into his palm, and it feels grounding. "There’s surgery," Dr. Zoe says. "But it would be an incredibly complex surgery. The blood supply in this area is delicate." Great. Fantastic. They’ve paid for treatment that didn’t fucking work, and now they’ll have to pay for surgery that might fucking kill her. Peak.

He only half-listens as Dr. Zoe goes on, about the possibility of removing one of Kuchel’s ribs, of radiotherapy. Levi doesn’t feel like he can breathe until he steps out again, fifteen minutes later. He’s walking on wobbly legs as he approaches Kuchel’s hospital room, her new home for an undecided amount of time forward. She’s sleeping when Levi enters. It’s quiet, the only sounds present the low hiss of the ventilator, Kuchel’s uneven breathing. And for a moment, Levi feels… completely and utterly lost. Suddenly, he’s a child again, lonely and scared, and he presses his palms to his stinging eyes as he crouches over.

"… Mumma," he whispers, pathetically. Confused. 

Not even five months ago, Levi had sworn he’d never speak with his family again. He’d left at seventeen, furious and teary-eyed, packing his bags in a rush while Kenny screamed for him to get the fuck out, while Kuchel cried with her face in her hands. 

Nine years have passed since then.

Nine rough, difficult and lonely years, and although the loss of his family had become easier to handle, he’d never completely gotten over it. And when Levi had found out about Kuchel’s diagnosis from none other than his student , Mikasa, he’d decided to reach out. Kuchel had been alone by then. Kenny was nowhere to be found, nor were her savings, and although she’d been lukewarm about Levi re-entering her life, it was clear she was in no position to turn down any help she could get.

Right from the start, Dr. Zoe had said the chances of recovery were slim. But Levi had been fucking hopeful - he’d sublet his apartment and moved in with his mother, dedicated his time to cook her healthy shit, to rid her of unhealthy habits. Today had been supposed to be a turning point. Or, well - did turn out to become a turning point, he supposes, but the wrong fucking kind. The tumour hadn’t even been malignant at first. Yet here they were, four months down the line, and not only had the treatment been fucking useless, the damn thing had grown back on both sides of her windpipe.

Bouncing his leg, Levi checks the time. 10:42 AM. Nanaba is covering his class as well as her own, and Levi really fucking needs to get going. But his mother is sleeping next to him, and right now there’s noplace else he’d rather be. Even with all that shit in his past, she’s his mumma, his single mother who raised him, fed him, hugged him.

He strokes an inky lock of hair out of Kuchel’s eyes. Lets out a trembling sigh, reaches into his bag for a notepad and pen.

‘Have to go back to work, but I’m gonna come see you after. If there’s anything you want, just text me and I’ll pick it up before I leave. Love you

- Levi’ 

Nanaba and Moblit are all concerned eyes and gentle smiles when he returns, and Levi doesn’t want to look at them. He’s quiet for most of the day, puts on a movie to keep the kids distracted. They still seem to notice that something is up, though. Connie offers him a piece of cucumber at lunch, and Historia hugs his leg while after naptime. Eren asks what’s wrong later on, and Levi forces a smile. "Nothing. Just thinking about how I’m gonna manage fitting all your drawings on the wall."

Sasha knocks her head against a wall, Marco cries while Levi puts a bandaid over her forehead. When he returns, Armin is hysteric - Jean’s told him a ghost story, and the blonde sobs as he tells Levi about the scary clown who eats children. By the end of the day, Levi is fucking exhausted, and he allows himself to enjoy doing absolutely nothing in his now empty classroom before he takes off. When he turns his phone on, his mother has texted him. She wants a magazine and a chocolate bar, and Levi dutifully gets both.

When he enters her hospital room, Kuchel is awake. She looks alright despite everything, and Levi is relieved as he sits down in the chair by her bedside. "Hey."

"Mh, hi."

"How are you feeling?"

Kuchel knits her brows together. She tilts her head back against the pillows. "Not too bad," she mutters. Levi suspects she’s sugarcoating. She doesn’t say anything else, only staring off into the nothingness of the empty hospital wall ahead. Levi clears his throat. "… I got what you asked for," he says, heaving the shopping bag up into his lap. Takes out the chocolate bar, reaches for the magazine, but Kuchel holds her hand out.

"Not now, Levi."

No, of course. Kuchel is clearly tired, far too much to read or eat. "… Yeah, sorry. Sorry."

There’s silence for a few seconds. A strange and tense silence, and Levi shifts in his seat. "Work was good today," he tries. "The kids made-"

He’s interrupted when Kuchel lets out a string of raspy, lurching coughs. She crouches over as she covers her mouth, wheezes in-between them for air, and Levi is quick to reach for the tissues. Vivid specks of red stain the paper as Kuchel puts it to her mouth, and Levi feels pathetic as all he can do is stare. Wait for it to pass.

Kuchel leans back against the pillows, sighs. "… Did Kenny call yet?"

"… No."

Kuchel nods. "He will. He will soon." 

Absentmindedly, Levi nods.

"What were you saying? About work?"

"… Uh, nothing important. Was fine, s’all."

"Are you… planning on staying there? At the nursery?"

Levi crosses his arms as he leans back in his seat. He nods.

"And they like you? Your coworkers." 

Levi snorts. "Hope so."

Kuchel hums. "… What about the parents?"

The man chews on his lip where he sits, lets out a sigh. He’s not sure he wants to know where this conversation is going.

"Let’s talk about something else."

Kuchel holds his gaze for a few, tense seconds. She peers back at the wall ahead, wordlessly.

Levi goes back home to his mother’s house. He cleans the living room, the kitchen. Watches some braindead reality-show about an influencer travelling around the world. He goes to bed before long. But Levi’s restless. Submitting to sleep seems like an impossible task, and after half an hour of tossing and turning, Levi clicks his phone back open. Tries to watch a youtube video, but grows bored. And then, Levi gives in. Opens the facebook app again, finds Smith’s profile. Scrolls through his feed. 

There’s an update from seven hours ago.

‘Can’t go wrong spending your day off fishing! 🎣😊’

Beneath the text, there’s a picture of two men, and Levi feels as though someone’s just punched a hole in his gut. Smith is sitting on a pier along with another man of a similar build, a similar hair colour - a brother, maybe? They’re both smiling, and… Erwin, despite the rain, isn’t wearing a shirt. And fuck, the man is fucking built. Firm muscles and toned arms, and Levi’s pretty fucking sure he can spot faint abs running down the man’s stomach. Heat pools in his lower stomach and he clicks his phone shut. Thinks about how much bigger Erwin had been when he’d been in the classroom, how tall he’d looked. 

Levi stretches to reach the small nightstand by his bed, pulling the bottom drawer open. He fumbles through layers of socks and underwear until he feels his fingers brush by something hard and round, and eagerly, he pulls the tube of lubricant out of its hiding place. He coats his hand generously, slipping it past the waistband of his pyjamas, sighing contently at the warm touch to his cock.

Normally when he does this, he’ll just wank to the thought of … well, whoever it is he’s fantasising about, their looks, but this time, he closes 

his eyes, lets his imagination wander freely. Thinks of Smith, of Erwin , there, laying beside him, imagines his large hand wrapping around Levi’s length. Maybe he’d kiss along his neck as he touched him, maybe he’d whisper something in his ear. Something filthy, lewd enough to make Levi cringe, had it happened in real life. But here, in the safety of his own privacy, nothing has to be embarrassing.

"So fucking desperate," Erwin would whisper, tightening his grip over the weeping head of Levi’s cock just right. "Yeah, shit…" Levi sighs. Lays over on his back, imagines it’s Erwin pinning him down. He pumps his cock in slow, tight strokes, mewls slightly as he reaches for the lube again. He imagines it’s Erwin when he nudges a finger up against his entrance, groaning wantonly as breeches past the rim. Lets another slip in shortly, groans once more at the burn.

"Look at you, taking two right away," Erwin mutters, deep voice shooting jolts of pleasure down Levi’s back. "Such a fucking whore. This is all you’re good for, isn’t it?" Levi lets out a trembling moan as he strokes his cock faster, thrusts his fingers in, out, rubs up against his prostate. "Y-yeah! Yeah…" Erwin’s big hand cups the back of Levi’s head, and he moans loud and wanton as a third finger slips in with the others. "Nngh!" 

Awkwardly, he shuffles over to lay on his stomach, hitching his knees up to keep his fingers thrusting in and out like that. It’s in moments like these Levi wishes he’d made the effort to invest in a goddamn dildo, but now he’s here, and four fingers will have to do. He imagines Erwin taking his fingers out, replacing them with his lube-slicked cock. Imagines him pushing in, thrusting at a ruthless, punishing pace. "Fuck!" Levi cries, leaning down to stroke at his own leaking cock again. "E-Erwin, fuck me! Nngh, yes!" 

Levi comes when Erwin the imaginary degrader slaps his ass so hard it stings, his orgasm intense and freeing and just fucking good.

But post-orgasmic bliss comes and goes, and then there’s just Levi, alone in his childhood room. 

And Erwin isn’t Erwin, he’s not some hunky saviour with a charitable cock - he’s Mr. Smith, and their relationship is non-existent. Reality hits Levi like a pile of bricks, and what was good and relaxing a mere 10 seconds ago now feels… shameful, dirty, and in a state of self-resentment, Levi rushes to the bathroom to shower.

Once he’s out, he blocks Erwin Smith’s facebook account. 

The next day comes and goes. It’s the same old thing - Levi goes to school, then to the hospital, where his mother is exhausted from constant pain and doctor’s check-ups. But the magazine is laying on her bedside table, the wrapper of the chocolate bar thrown in the bin by the bedside, and Levi is happy. "How was work?" Kuchel asks today, turning to look at Levi from the TV. "It was good," he says. "Or… one of the kids knocked his front tooth out falling over, but other than that."

Poor Connie. The kid’s got far too much pent-up energy in his little body, Levi thinks, and honestly, it’s no wonder he falls and hurts himself the second he takes his eyes off him. Kuchel hums, offers him a small smile. "Do you remember our trip to Elrich?" she asks suddenly, tired grey eyes flickering over to the window. "You were 5." 

Levi snorts, knowing exactly what his mother is referring to. The Ackerman family’s financial struggles aren’t a recent phenomenon. They’ve always lived hand-to-mouth, and so Levi still remembers how excited he’d been when his mother had announced they were going on a real vacation. And now, Kuchel laughs, low but clearly, for the first time in what feels like weeks. "I’d told Kenny so many times," she smiles. "’ Don’t put Levi on your shoulders, you’ve had too much to drink, I don’t want him getting hurt, ’ and he said… ‘Kenny 

Ackerman can-"

"Feckin walk!’"

"-feckin walk!’"

Kuchel’s head falls back as she laughs, and Levi smiles brightly as he chuckles along. "He couldn’t feckin walk though," he snorts, and Kuchel laughs.

"Dropped you like a sack of potatoes. My heart nearly burst out of through my chest."

Levi smiles as he watches her. Watches the low sun light his mother’s face up, and for a moment, she looks more beautiful than she ever has. "… I wonder where he went sometimes," she says then, smile fading. "My little boy." 

Levi smiles fondly. Reaches over to put his hand over Kuchel’s own, squeezes it carefully. "… You raised him. That’s all."

His mother doesn’t turn her head. Keeps her eyes plastered on the window, the nothingness of passing cars and strangers walking past. And then, she pulls her hand away from Levi’s. "… Mh."

Silence engulfs them. There’s a faint tick of a clock somewhere nearby, the murmur of doctors and nurses.

"… I didn’t raise anyone to be like this."

Levi’s heart sinks in his chest. His gaze drops to his feet, pulls his hand off, and for a moment, all he does is sit there. "… I’m gonna go for a walk. I’ll be right back." 

When Levi makes his way down the hospital hallway, it feels like he’s walking through water. The beeps of machines and the dings of elevators are muffled, tuned out, in a completely different realm than Levi’s own, along with bypassing patients and the rest of the world. He’s being dramatic. He knows that. For all he knows Kuchel may not even have been referring to what Levi is thinking of, because why would she? They were remeniscing moments before, laughing at the old days - you wouldn’t do that with someone you don’t… well, like. Right? 

No, of course you wouldn’t. Besides, Kuchel has forgiven him. She let him move back in with her, let him back into his life, she lets him help her. Besides - you’re not meant to address the elephant in the room, that’s Ackerman family policy. They’ve gone five months without talking about what happened. Why would Kuchel bring it up now?

The elevator hums in a muffled realm somewhere else, and Levi feels his head bounce up against its walls as it descends. The air smells of alcohol and metal, unbearably clean, even for Levi, and he’s quick in his pursuit of the exit.

The fresh, warm breeze that washes over him is grounding, and it pulls Levi back to earth, back to his surroundings, back into awareness. He sighs. Makes his way down the street with no goal, but finds one quickly as he catches a glimpse of a cornershop, just right down the block. The guy at the till is an old, fat man, one with a thick grey mustache and stern-looking eyes. He watched Levi like a damn hawk as he browses mindlessly, glancing over the magazines, the beer, the sweets. 

Nothing catches his eye, really. Not until he turns toward the exit and he happens to see the grey cabinet the old man is leaning up against, the one marked "18+"

He considers it for a moment. Knows what the right thing to do is, but doesn’t fucking care. And so he walks up to the old man, shoves his hand in his pocket in search of his wallet. "Pack of Marlboro Reds."

The man eyes him with a cocked brow, and Levi stares right back. He’s probably wondering whether or not to ID him - he looks young for his age, but his voice is deep. He must decide not to care in the end, because the old man simply grunts, pushes on the cabinet. Levi pays, grabs the pack as he goes, and from there, he makes his way back to the hospital. He’d fucking kill for a cigarette right now, but he’s still on hospital grounds, and Levi isn’t enough of an asshole to smoke here. Besides, he doesn’t think he could deal with the disapproving stares right now.

His finger traces along the edge of the pack as he enters again, makes his way to the elevator. He sighs as he presses the third floor button. Fuck, he’d probably offer up his left nut in exchange for a drag of a single cigarette right this second. Maybe there’s a balcony somewhere, or maybe he can smoke out the open window of Kuchel’s room… no, that’s insane. In her condition? Is he trying to kill her? 

He’s still deep in thought as the elevator dings. The doors glide open to reveal another, white hallway, a sad-looking plant pushed up against one of its walls in attempts to brighten the place up a bit. It hasn’t been watered in a while. There’s no reason for Levi to be upset. No reason he shouldn’t want to be with his mother right now, hell - he’s lucky to have the option. So why do his legs feel so damn heavy…?

Whatever allotted time the elevator has given him is up, and the doors glide shut with a metallic clank. It doesn’t move.

"… Fuck’s sake," Levi mumbles. He presses his palms to his eyes, sighs heavily. He’s such a fucking asshole. 

But then, there’s another ding, and before Levi has the time to react, the elevator starts right up again. It shakes ever slightly as it goes up, rumbling gently, not stopping until the floor display above its doors read: ‘R’ 

And when the elevator opens once more, Levi raises his eyebrows. Because the elevator has taken him straight up to the hospital roof.

There’s a woman in a white coat standing in front of him - she must have called the elevator. And honestly, Levi owes her, because this is exactly what he needs.

He nods awkwardly as he stumbles out of the elevator, waiting for it to close before he turns around to study his surroundings.

… It’s beautiful.

The sun is hanging low on the offing, drowning the sky in a pink and orange fire as it descends. Levi can see the whole town from here - the school, the nursery. His old apartment, the park just by it. He smiles. This… this is a real speck of gold amidst the fucking gravel that has been the past few days.

"… Mr. Ackerman?" 

Levi turns around, back toward the elevator, finding … nobody. Not until he turns again, over to the roof of the neighbouring building to see… Erwin fucking Smith.

The first thing Levi notes is the white doctors coat Smith is wearing - the sleeves of it rolled up to reveal strong, veiny forearms. And that sends Levi straight into hopeless fluster - embarrassment washes over him, floods to his cheek as he remembers the last time he saw Smith - slamming into him from behind in his dream, those same, big arms spanking his ass till it bruised. "Smith," he manages, and instantly turns his head - a small attempt to hide the red in his cheeks.

"What a coincidence," Smith smiles. "What are you doing here?" 

Levi scratches at the back of his neck, awkward. Why the fuck is Smith here? Didn’t he pick Armin up earlier? And why isn’t he in the hospital building? "My uh… family member's got a check-up thing."

"I see!" Smith replies, and Levi hears him exhale slow and long, long enough for him to spot the cigarette between Smith’s lips before he lowers it again. And honestly, Levi’s fucking baffled.

" You smoke?"

Isn’t he meant to be a fucking doctor? Or… maybe not a doctor, but… a fucking health worker?

"Oh, very rarely," Smith says. "I quit years ago, really, this is my first one in… well, a year or so? No, perhaps a bit less. Though I realise it’s not very appropriate."

Levi gazes over at the blonde from where he’s stood, his lower half hidden by the metal fence of the neighbouring building. The hospital building only has a metal railing, though the edge of the roof is elevated slightly, probably to hinder slips or falls or … well, if it’s to stop people from jumping, it’s a low fucking effort from the hospital’s safety assessment team. 

Levi leans over the railing. "That why you’re in a different fucking building? So your coworkers don’t discover your little habit?"

Erwin furrows a brow, as if he doesn’t understand, but only for a second or two. "Ah, no. This building is part of the hospital. Your building is myopathy, dental, oncology, children’s section, mine a bit more hectic. Emergency room, labour, that sort of thing. And my lab, of course."

His lab . What a nerd.

"I thought you didn’t work in the evenings," Levi says. "Where’s Armin?" 

Smith clears his throat. "With my parents. They- ah."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. I didn’t know you smoked, is all."

"Yeah? Fuckin’ ditto."

The sounds of an ambulance drowns out the sound of it, but from the way Smith’s shoulders are shaking, Levi’s pretty sure he’s laughing. He’s got dimples. Cute.

Levi stifles his own smile by putting his cigarette between his teeth, which is of course when it dawns on him.

" Fuck ."

"What? What’s wrong?" 

"Forgot to buy a lighter. I don’t smoke anymore, either."

Smith hums warmly as he reaches for his pocket, where he pulls out a red, plastic clicker. "Catch."

Levi yelps pathetically as the blonde flings the lighter right over the gap between their two buildings, stumbling back in attempts to catch the damn thing. He does, just barely, curses at the shock it subjected him to. The lighter is new by the looks of it, and Smith’s claim that he doesn’t smoke feels a bit more believable.

"So we’re both up here having emergency cigarettes, is that it?" Smith asks, smiling as he leans back over the metal fence. "Stressful these days, isn’t it?"

The lighter flicks once, twice, crackling lightly before a thin flame appears at it’s top. Levi inhales deeply as he lights it, puffs the smoke of it to toss the ligher back over. Smith catches it with one hand. Why is that hot? Fucking dickhead.

"Mm," Levi hums. "Tell me bout it."

"Well, I… I can’t imagine you’re here for the sake of fun," Smith says then. "Whatever it’s for, I’m sorry."

Levi doesn’t have a snappy comment to retaliate with. Because Smith is right, it’s not fucking fun. It’s heavy and it’s scary, and most of all, it’s not something Levi wants to talk about, and so he’s grateful the man doesn’t pry. "Can’t believe you choose to be here," he mutters lowly. Keeps his eyes on the cigarette between his fingers, the rising, white smoke as it fades into nothing.

"Well…" Smith says. "I wish I could argue it isn’t difficult. It can be. But then again, your work can be, too."

A sharp breath of air huffs out Levi’s nose. "You’ll be fucking shocked to hear this, but no one dies where I work."

And to that, Smith says nothing. Only looks at Levi, careful, blue eyes so soft and warm it’s as if he cares for him, and Levi has to look away to shake the need to slap him in the face. The silence lingers for a while. Unlike in Kuchel’s hospital room, it’s not tense, nor does it feel very longlasting, suffocating. And this surprised Levi. He’s met Smith twice in his fucking life, far less than his own mother, and so it doesn’t feel like the stillness of it all should be this comfortable. Maybe it’s because Levi can’t be asked to give a shit anymore.

A man calls for a taxi below them. Somewhere in the distance, the overground train rumbles as it rolls over the tracks.

"Is it a partner?" Smith asks then. His voice is filled with uncertainty, a low softness, as if he’s a child asking for sweets before dinnertime, or a dog begging for a bone it knows it can’t have. Levi bites his lip. Shakes his head. "Don’t have one of those," he says, diverting. He doesn’t feel comfortable telling Smith about his mother, not when that most definitely entails being asked about her every fucking time he comes to pick Armin up from school from now on. Besides, they don’t fucking know each other. Levi puts the cigarette to his lips once more.

Smith nods, understanding. "I apolgise for prying, Mr. Ackerman. That wasn’t my intention." 

Levi snorts. He's about to tell Smith to stop fucking apologising for every little thing, but finds himself too tired to do so. Instead he keeps his head hanging, and a question he'd had no intention of asking tumbles from his lips. "Don’t all the fuckin’… stories get old at some point?" he mumbles. "Y’know, all the patients, the diseases, families… don’t they all just sorta muddle together?"

Smith rubs the lit end of the cigarette against the fence. "Do your students get muddled together?" Levi blinks a few times. Shrugs. "… Sometimes. Doesn’t mean I don’t care about the brats." Smith smiles. Those goddamn dimples.

"Well, there you have it."

"… You’re too deep for someone drawing blood for a living."

Erwin lets out a hearty laugh where he stands, tilts his head to consider Levi. "You swear too much to teach toddlers for a living," he challenges. That makes Levi smile coyly. Okay, so the man isn’t all polite greetings and overbearing apologies. Good.

"Why, you scared Armin’s gonna learn?" 

"He came home saying ‘fuck’ the other day," Smith says, and Levi breaks out of the banter immediately. Nearly fucking drops his cigarette, parts his lips.

Armin swore ? But Levi never swears in front of the kids! Ever! Sure, he did once , but that was years ago, and with another class! "Wh-" Levi begins, baffled. "But…but I don’t-"

His shock is replaced with a roll of the eyes and a sharp frown when he sees Smith snort, shoulders shaking and head falling down between his arms, still resting over the metal fence. "Ha-ha, very funny, asshole," Levi chides. "Fuck you, I thought you were serious."

Smith looks up again then, chin supported by his palm. "Sorry," he smiles. "Armin adores you. And he’s never picked up any of your bad habits, for the record."

"Bad habits?" Levi asks. "I don’t have any bad habits. Unless Armin has the occasional smoke."

Smith smiles. "Mm, I was thinking about the facebook stalking. But no, he hasn’t picked up smoking either." 

Levi’s eyes widen, lips parting in an expression of pure horror before he can manage to take it back. He knows about Levi looking him up on facebook? Fucking… how? How the hell did he… how… shit, he’d only looked at his profile a few times, hadn’t he? The app doesn’t notify you of that, does it? Maybe this is another joke? No- it’s too specific, and even if it was, Levi’s face has already given the story away, and he feels a crushing wave of pure embarrassment wash over him with the force of a train. "I- wh- I…" 

Smith smiles at him, purely entertained for a second, before it melts into something softer, something kinder, as if he’s pitying him. "You liked my update, I assume by accident. The fishing picture?"

"... I- I just… I was just… checking, and…" Levi’s voice strings off into a range of incoherent mutters. His face is on fire, and fuck, no, this may be the worst thing that’s ever happened to him. Ever. This trumps getting kicked out. "Fuck, I-I’m sorry. I was just… I… I don’t know what I was doing."

Smith chuckles. Tilts his head back to the side as he considers him, and Levi feels like that’s evil. "Don’t worry, Levi. I’ve got bad habits too," he says. Dropping the formalities once he’s got the upper hand, huh? Levi lets out an awkward laugh.

"Worse than stalking?" 

Smith- no, Erwin, the bastard, chuckles. "Perhaps not that bad," he smiles. "But I am about to ask my son’s teacher out on a date. And I don’t think that’s a considered a particularly clever move, either." 

At that, Levi actually fucking drops his cigarette. He barely notices, cursing at the sudden loss, but is extremely quick to look back up, to scan Erwin’s face for any sign of a lie. A date? Does that… does that mean him? Does Erwin want to ask him on a date? 

His son’s teacher - that’s-that’s Levi, but… but this doesn’t feel real, nor realistic - Erwin is a fucking hunk, hot and muscly and kind and perfect, what the fuck does he want with Levi ?

For a moment, all he does is stare blankly. "… How do you know I’m gay?" he blurts, and instantly feels stupid.

Erwin chuckles. "You liked my shirtless picture at two in the morning. I… uh, I allowed myself to assume. I'm sorry. Are you not?"

"… I-uhm… I am."

"I’m bi."

"… Oh."

Erwin chuckles, and he’s got kind eyes and a warm smile and Levi wants to die. "Well… would it be alright if I asked you, then?"

At that, all Levi manages is a wordless, yet enthusiastic nod, because fuck - of course Erwin can ask, Erwin can jump over the gap in this building and take him on this fucking roof top if he wants to - fuck. 

Erwin clears his throat, as if he’s preparing to give a fucking speech. "Levi," he says. "Would you like to go on a date with me?"

Levi stares. He’s tempted to pinch himself in the arm, just in case this is another one of those weird fucking dreams. "… Y-yeah," he says. 

Erwin smiles, and this time it’s brighter than before. "Yeah?"

"Shit, yeah. Yeah, I’d like that."

"Okay! Okay. I’m glad." Erwin sounds a tad bit airy, as if he’s been holding his breath, or been nervous, and Levi can’t help but smile at the sight of him. 

"When?"

"I’m working late tonight," Erwin says. "But I’m off tomorrow. What do you think?"

Levi smiles, very faintly, even as he tries not to. Nods. "Tomorrow is good." 

They exchange numbers. Erwin decides on a bar by the high street, one he knows of, and Levi agrees. It’s not long until the blonde has to get going again, though - "blood waits for nobody!" he’d gleefully exclaimed, a remark which would have given Levi the ick, had it not been for the childish giggle Erwin had let out after. Fucking nerd.

Levi goes down to see his mother again after, before he takes the bus back home. By the time he’s showered the uggy cigarette smell off, brushed his teeth twice, his phone buzzes. 

‘Hello, Levi. I’m glad we ran into each other, and I’m excited about tomorrow! Sleep well :-)’

Stupid idiot.

‘me too,’ he writes. ‘first round on me, apology for the fb stalking’ 

The next day goes by slowly. Levi spends each passing second in great anticipation, wondering what’s to come in just a few, short hours. He lets the kids have an extra long book for reading circle, finds himself happy enough to do the different voices with great enthusiasm.

"Daddy says that… that he saw you at the hospital yesterday," Armin yaps at one point, while Levi’s helping him clear up the barbie dolls. Shit. Erwin didn’t tell Armin about… their plans, right? He’s doesn’t seem that braindead.

"Yeah?" Levi asks. "He did. I saw him in his lab coat and everything."

Armin looks up at him, beaming. "Yeah! And-and sometimes I get to… to wear it, Mr. Ackerman!"

"No way. Do you?" Levi smiles. "That sounds cool, kiddo. You wanna work at the hospital too, when you grow up?" 

Armin hums, pondering. "Mm… no, I… I’m gonna be… be a traveller, or… or a person in a sub.. su..ma… sumar… uhm… a boat under the water."

Levi snorts. "A submarine?" he asks, ruffles Armin’s hair as he stands up again. "That’s a great plan, Armin."

"Why were you in the- the hospital!?" Sasha demands from where she lay, flat on her stomach under the table. Connie sits up beside her. "Are you sick!?" he adds, lisping on his s’ ever since the loss of his front tooth. "… Mr. Ackerman’s sick?" Marco whispers nervously, and Jean goes wide-eyed. Levi smiles. 

"I’m not sick," he says carefully. "I was visiting my mother."

"Is your mommy sick?" Sasha asks. "What’s wrong with her?"

Levi clears his throat. Turns to place the barbies back in the shelf - they’ve got small bits attatched to them, and so they’re always out of reach with thoughts of the younger kids. "She… has a disease. It’s hard for her to breathe," he says, and leaves it at that. "Is she gonna die?" Eren asks.

Levi goes still. Rests his gaze on his fingers, still hooked over the toyshelf. Stands there. Three, four, ten seconds. 

"… Mr. Ackerman?"

"Nah," Levi says. Dips down to hook his arms around both Marco and Armin where they stand, ever nervously. "Of course she won’t."

"Does your mommy have grey hair!?" Connie demands. "My mommy’s hair is yellow!"

And just like that, the disease is forgotten. The kids take turns yelling out their parents’ hair colours, and when Jean asks why boys have short hair and girls have long hair, Levi is too busy explaining to worry about it, as well.

The work day eventually comes to an end, and Levi hurries back home with great enthusiasm, despite the fact that there’s still hours to go.

He showers, shaves, washes with his favourite body wash just in case . Picks out a black shirt that shows off the tattoo on his forearm, the jeans that make his ass look good. And then, an hour before, he gets another text.

‘I’ll come pick you up at 7, like I said. Looking forward to tonight, Levi ;-)’ 

At 6:03, Levi puts on some extra deodorant. At 6:05, he decides he’ll have something to eat before he goes. 6:23, he does the dishes. Watches a youtube video on his phone as he does. 6:41, Levi picks out a jacket. He’s bouncing his leg nervously as he does, anticipation gradually eating at him. 6:53, puts his shoes on. 6:59. The buzzer rings.

Erwin looks fucking delicious. He’s dressed casually too (thank fuck), a striped, blue shirt and a black pair of pants. He’s styled his hair again, Levi notices - it had been down the other day, at the hospital, something which had made him look a little messier. A little hotter, too. Still, Levi doesn’t mind. Erwin looks handsome, and he’s smiling carefully as he leads Levi to his car.

"The place is great," he says as they drive. "I have a feeling it’s right up your alley."

"Oh yeah? One facebook stalk and you think you’ve got me all figured out?"

Erwin chuckles, looks over at him as he turns the car. "I didn't stalk you. You blocked me, remember? Still, I’m curious to see if I’m right."

Levi smiles. That’s sort of nice, knowing Erwin thought about what he might like before he decided. It’s the bare minimum really, but still, Levi hasn’t recieved attention like this in years, nor does he experience … affection, he supposes, very often.

His expectations drop to the floor with a clank once he sees the place Erwin’s picked, though. 

"BERT’S" it’s called, spelled out in bright, bold letters, right above a smaller "LIVE JAZZ BAR!" Fuck. If there’s anything Levi cannot fucking stand, it’s shitty bar musicians doing shitty covers of shitty songs while their shitty bands make what can only be called noise in the background. He winces. But he softens, instantly, when Erwin’s hand finds his shoulder, and Levi turns to see him smiling warmly. "The band is incredible. It’s one of my favourite spots around here."

"Live bar jazz is your favourite?" Levi asks, cocking a brow. "I should have known, considering all that poetic shit you’re on about."

Erwin chuckles, squeezes his shoulder. Levi looks away to not seem flustered. "Come on. Trust me," he says.

And fuck, Levi is glad that he does. 

Unlike every bar with music that he’s ever been too, BERT’S live band is a calm, atmospheric one. They’re almost unnoticable, the rythmic play of a bass, a sax, a piano fading so perfectly well into the background Levi barely notices they’re there. Erwin orders a martini, and Levi settles for a G&T. He pays the first round as promised - an apology for the shameless facebook stalking.

Smalltalk is pleasant. Levi likes Erwin. Actually fucking likes him, past the toned muscles and the perfect jaw, that is. He’s a little geeky, corny, but he’s kind and seems smart. He’s interesting, but also interested, and Levi finds it easy to share stories of himself, of his college education, of his days at the nursery.

"So why a teacher?" Erwin asks, sometime after they’ve recieved their third drink. "It’s very different from computer science."

Levi puts his glass back down on the table, hums as he swallows it down. "No job opportunities," he says, shrugging. "Was meant to be a temporary thing, but uh… I dunno. I ended up just… liking it. Way more than I liked my degree, I guess." 

"I can tell," smiles Erwin, which makes the shorter man look up in slight confusion. "You can tell from the children. How they speak of you, how fond they are of you. I knew you loved what you do, even before our first meeting."

Levi’s eyes fall back to the rim of his glass. He smiles, faintly. "They’re good kids. Not hard to love."

It’s then Erwin’s big hand moves to cover Levi’s own, squeezing gently, and the sudden contact makes the shorter man shudder. He looks up. Erwin’s smiling. Levi smiles back. "But… uh, yeah. It’s been… uh, five years since I started. I’m turning 26 soon."

Erwin hums. "I see. You look younger, you know."

"Were you hoping I was?"

The blonde laughs as he picks up his glass, gulping down another few sips of his drink. "No, no. I’m pleasantly surprised. If I’m honest, I was worried you were too young for a while."

Levi rolls his eyes. "If this is the beginning of a fucking height joke-"

"No, no!" Erwin laughs, loud and whole-heartedly. It makes the shorter man smile. "No. I- haha, well, I was attracted to you, like I said. Very much so. But you do look young, and well, uh… I wasn’t sure how old you’d be."

"You’re making me fucking nervous. How old are you ?"

"I’m 27."

"Ah, ancient," Levi says, unshocked. But then he furrows his brows. "Wh- you had Armin when you were 23 ?"

Erwin smiles faintly, and for a second, Levi regrets asking. Maybe that was overstepping. "I did, yeah," he says. "We were still in college, me and my girlfriend at the time. It was very difficult."

Shit, Levi can only imagine. Caring for a fucking newborn while you’re in medical school, that’s … well, it isn’t possible. Not really. "My parents helped out a lot, and that was helpful. But I did end up taking a gap year to care for him while his mother began working."

"Shit," Levi mutters. "That’s not really a first date sorta question. Sorry."

"That’s alright," Erwin smiles. "I don’t mind talking about it, not at all. He’s the best thing to have happened to me, difficulties and all."

"He’s a great kid," Levi says. "I asked if he wanted to work in a hospital today, like you. He said he’d rather be a ‘person in a boat under the water.’" Erwin laughs, lowering his glass to do so. "Ambitious, huh? Just like his old man."

"You’re 27."

"You said I was ancient!"

"You're 27!"

"And I’m not yet a person in a boat under the water. I’ve accomplished nothing, clearly. Except for this date."

Levi snorts. "A date with a kindergarten teacher is an achievement to you?" 

Erwin hums. "Yes. A date with a very handsome, age-appropriate man. Who I’m very happy agreed to meet with me."

Levi snorts. "Smooth talker. Next round on me. What do you want?"

Erwin wants a vodka lemonade. And then another, and then a g&t. And then they have a shot, and by 11PM, Levi is light-headed and giggly. The bar has filled with all sorts of people by then, and the two men move to a sofa nearby to hear each other better. Erwin winces as he chews down on the lime slice in his hand, desperate to rid himself of the bitter taste of tequila. Levi laughs as he watches, head tilted back against the sofa.

"Mm. You suck at shotting," he smiles.

"Hey!" Erwin exclaims with a smile. "I’ve been busy parenting, you can’t blame me for being a little off my drinking game." 

"You’re not making a very good case for yourself here," Levi says, smiling. "How long’s it been since you’ve been with a guy?"

At the abrupt nature of that last bit, Erwin blinks, confused. "Uhm… maybe three years?" he says eventually, and Levi thinks he detects a hint of nervousness. The shorter man smiles. Brings his hand up to fumble with the hem of Erwin’s shirt, the buttons. "So… if I let you take me back to your place, you’d be off your game?" 

Erwin freezes as he considers him. His eyes flicker over Levi’s face, needing a moment to process what was just said, what it means. But once he does, he softens. His lips curl up in a gentle smile, dimples framing the sides of them so fucking beautifully. Erwin brings his hand up. Lays it over Levi’s hip so he can thumb at his waist, carefully. "I think I’d manage in that department." 

Levi hums. Does nothing from there, not until Erwin brings his other hand over to brush his bangs out of his face. Eases in, closer. Levi looks at him, challenging. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. But I’d like to kiss you first." 

"No one’s stopping you."

Erwin smiles. Brushes his fingers against Levi’s cheek, over his lips, gentle. And when he kisses him, it’s a slow and deep and passionate thing, one which makes Levi want to give up control immediately - he sighs as he parts his lips to grant the blonde better access, content when Erwin’s tongue claims him almost immediately. He tastes like tonic water and tequila and citrus, and Levi nearly fucking groans right then and there. Excitement is pooling in his stomach, sending sparks down toward his groin, and it’s with a gasp that he pulls back once the live band end another song, applause filling the room.

Erwin looks annoyed at the disturbance, but he smiles once he sees Levi again, pulling him closer by the waist. "Would you like to get out of here?" he asks. "I can’t drive, but I’ll get us a taxi, if you’d like."

Levi nods. "Yeah. Yeah, to yours."

They stumble in Erwin’s front door between desperate kisses, wanton palms at each other’s bodies. Levi gasps as he kicks his shoes off, sparing no moment to submit when Erwin impatiently pins him to the door, grabbing one of his legs to hook over his own hip. Levi happily complies. He groans deeply as he reaches up, goal to hug Erwin’s neck so he can carry him off wherever he wants him. He’s unsurprised when Erwin does do this, groping at Levi’s ass as they kiss, movements clumsy as Erwin simultaneously tries to navigate through his still dark apartment.

Levi’s fucking hard by then - the groping of his ass, the feeling Erwin carrying him easily, the taste of his tongue on Levi’s own - fuck, it’s too much, and moaning, the shorter man rolls his hips against Erwin’s stomach as they move. He’s put down by the kitchen table so Erwin can turn the lights on, and the blonde fucking groans as he catches sight of him.

"Fuck," he swears, voice deep as big hands venture under the fabric of Levi’s shirt. "You’re fucking gorgeous. So fucking gorgeous." 

Levi chuckles breatily as he reaches up again, pressing another wet kiss to Erwin’s lips. "Says you," he whispers, laughing sharply when Erwin suddenly lifts him up into his arms again. He’s brought over to the sofa from there, laid down carefully, Erwin groaning desperately as he pushes Levi’s shirt up over his head. The blonde stops fucking around from there, he dips down quickly, sucking deep, sharp kisses into Levi’s neck, his chest, his stomach. It feels so fucking good, warm, the contact in general as well as the fact that it’s fucking Erwin doing this to him, possibly the hottest man Levi’s laid eyes on for a hot minute. But the thought hits him quickly - it is Erwin. And they’re in Erwin’s living room. His living room, where another person might very well venture in at any given moment. And Levi is laying shirtless and moaning, and the last thing he wants is for his fucking student to see this.

"Erwin!" he pants, gripping the blonde by the sides of his face. Erwin momentarily stops his kissing of Levi’s nipple, looking up at him in a half-drunk, half-wanton induced haze. "A-Armin," Levi manages huskily. "Armin, he- he can’t see me here, not like this."

"He’s with my parents," Erwin whispers, despite the fact. "They live a few blocks away. He won’t be here until tomorrow afternoon."

Oh. Right, of course. Of course Armin isn’t here - Erwin’s been out drinking, Armin is four years old, of course he wouldn’t be here on his own. It’s a good reassurance - good and comforting, and impatience takes over again as Levi pushes on Erwin’s head, urging him back against his chest. They spend some time like that until Levi grows tired of having his nipples played with though - sure, it feels good, but a man can only be kept at bay with such for so long, and it’s with an impatient groan that he urges Erwin to sit down on the sofa. Levi ends up between his knees from there, tugging on the man’s waistband. Erwin is big. Not insanely so, but bit enough to make Levi drool with anticipation, and he’s enthusiastic as he takes him in his mouth.

Erwin’s moans are low and husky and fuck, his sounds egg Levi on a thousand times more, and it’s not long until he pulls Erwin’s pants down even further, squeezing his hand as he lets his mouth off the swollen head of the blonde’s cock with a lewd smack.

"Fuck my mouth," Levi dares to request, hating he also sounds like he’s just had his cock sucked. But it’s a shame easily forgotten: Erwin looks down at him with a hazy, wanton awe, and he runs his fingers through Levi’s hair as the shorter man takes his cock in his mouth again.

Erwin begins in slow, shallow thrusts, experimental and careful to not cause Levi any discomfort - a kind gesture, but certainly not necessary. Levi wants this - he likes being taken charge of, likes to be used, to be manhandled, and there’s no fucking way he’ll let Erwin go about this gently because of Levi . 

He pushes down further, until his nose is buried in wiry, dark-blonde hair, moans in a way that had Erwin gasping. "F-fuck. Levi… Levi, is this alright?" he breathes. Levi squeezes his arm in wordless attempts to say yes, before his hands cup the curve of Erwin’s hips, pulling him forward.

His nose drips, eyes sting as the blonde fucks into his mouth, groaning and swearing, one hand kept anchored in Levi’s hair, the other at the back of his head. He pulls off when Levi mewls and sniffles, bending down to wipe his eyes, his nose, an action which Levi’s too drunk to wince at.

Erwin pulls him in again then, one hand massaging the fat of Levi’s ass, the other toying with his cock.

"W-want you to take charge," he manages to request in between kisses, voice husky from their previous activities. 

"You- I want you to… to fuck me. Hard."

Erwin chuckles some at that, leaning in to press a kiss to Levi’s neck. "I assume I’ll be doing the topping, then?"

"Y-yeah," Levi whines, groans deeply as Erwin gives his cock an experimental stroke. "Yeah…" 

Whatever Erwin’s sexual preferences are, he seems fine with what Levi’s proposing. He instructs him to not touch himself, sucks another bruising kiss into his milky skin before he wanders out in pursuit of the lube, and Levi lays still. 

Had this been a few years ago, when he got laid more often, was less desperate, he probably would have put up some sort of fight - encourage whoever he’d be fucking to coax him into submission. But he’s so fucking horny right now - Erwin has him squirming uncomfortably against the cushions while he’s gone, and Levi just wants to be taken, to be fucked. Taken care of, maybe. He needs Erwin to make him forget about the fucking trainwreck of a life he’s living, to slap him and spank him and fuck him till he hurts, until it’s all out. 

Shit. Yeah, it’s been too long.

When Erwin comes back, he lays back over him, and he spends a range of long, thorough moments opening Levi up with his fingers. It stings at first, unpleasantly so - Erwin isn’t stroking his cock to help him relax, and Levi doesn’t want to do it himself, not when Erwin’s told him not to - a command which lingers, despite the haze of sex. But it’s not long until the blonde brushes up against his prostate, a spot that has Levi crying out against Erwin’s shoulder.

"F-fuck me," he manages. "P-please! Erwin, just fuck me."

Erwin pushes a third finger in, denying his plea, and Levi moans, whines, everything.

"Not yet," he groans, quickening the pace of his fingers. "Not until you tell me something." 

Levi moans, looks up at Erwin’s low-lidded eyes. "T-tell?"

"When you liked my picture," Erwin continues. He presses a kiss to Levi’s jaw. "What were you thinking?"

Levi lets out a deep-toned whine. "Y- I… hhng… y-you," he manages. "You looked- mff-fuck, y’looked good." 

"And what did you do after?" Erwin asks. He’s grinding his cock against Levi’s muscular thigh, precum leaking down the shorter man’s hip.

"I-I jerked off," Levi whispers. "I-I imagined- mh, mh you fucking me- ah!" 

"What did you imagine?"

Levi whines, tugging at his own hair. He tells Erwin about the spanking. The degrading, the punishing pace at which he’d fucked him. It’s humiliating honestly, but Levi’s too far gone to give a shit, and by the time he’s done, Erwin’s positioned himself at his entrance. He’s gentle there. Softly praises Levi as he pushes in, strokes his chest carefully. "That’s it," he whisper when he bottoms out, placing a kiss to the man’s forehead. "Good. That’s good, Levi."

Levi’s jaw is slack, and all he can offer is a trembling groan. He’s so fucking full, three fingers apparently no match for Erwin’s cock, and the first few thrusts have Levi crying out loudly.

They start out slow, at which point Erwin checks on him to the point where it’s too fucking much. But once Levi’s body adjusts, and once Erwin is sure there’s no more discomfort, he has no issue obliging Levi’s request to go hard.

The bed is creaking, and Erwin is grunting above him - the sight intoxicating enough to make Levi’s cock twitch. He’s moaning unshamedly, loud and wanton cries that can probably be heard by neighbours, but it’s clearly hot to Erwin, and so he doesn’t stop. But Levi’s moaning really take off when the blonde flips him over, drapes himself over his back so he can fuck him like that, hard and punishing and fast.

"Erwin! Aa- nngh!" 

"So good for me, aren’t you?" Erwin whispers, his lips brushing by the cusp of Levi’s ear in a way that has his entire body filling with goosebumps.

"Y-y…yeah… yeah, f-for… for you, ah!"

"Good," Erwin groans. The praise isn’t something Levi’s tried before. But he still finds himself liking it, finds Erwin’s acknowledgements filling him with warmth, pride, a pleasure he’s not experienced before.

He comes like that, a long time after, when Erwin does in fact spank him, before he reaches down to stroke Levi into completion.  Levi comes all over his hand, over the sofa, and as relief washes over, a blinding, numbing thing, he feels Erwin bury himself to a hilt inside him too, filling him with warmth. And then, Levi’s body feels heavy. His eyelids shut as if on instinct, the final thing he feels Erwin’s fingers over his cheek.

"… Levi?"

In Levi’s dream, he’s a captain on a submarine. The water is a warm-tinted blue - the sun must be shining brightly above the surface, he thinks. Kenny is beside him, steering the boat as they make their way through vines and seaweed, past gigant sea-creatures Levi’s never seen before. He’s not scared. He feels warm, at home.

"Levi…?"

Kuchel comes in a short while later. She laughs, ruffles Levi’s hair carefully. Tells him their journey is nearly done, that she’s proud of how far they’ve come. Kenny cackles. He calls her dramatic. 

"Hey… it’s morning, Levi."

"Mhh… mh, five m-more minutes..."

The grey haze fogging over his family clears up again as the distant voice quiets again, and Levi hugs his mother close as they near the bright, yellow glow in the distance. Kuchel holds him close. She kisses his temple, his hair. And when she lets go, Levi is a child again. He’s a kid, a kid in red overalls and a white shirt, like he’d worn that day they went to Elrich. There’s a creak somewhere, the splashing of water. "Mh… mh, n-no…" 

Kenny puts him on his shoulders. Kuchel holds his hand, and together, they make their way toward the sound of rushing water, of metal clanks and creaks.

"I-I wanna stay."

Kuchel frowns as Kenny lifts him off his shoulders. Looks up at the metal door in the roof of their submarine, down to her feet, the slow rise of salty water. Kenny hugs him, too, and Kuchel leans in to kiss him. Levi’s crying as he’s nudged up the ladder, looking back at the two of them, the water at their waists.

"Come, too… c-come with me…"

"…Levi?" 

Levi doesn’t want to leave. Kuchel and Kenny are yelling at him by now, begging, telling him to get out. He climbs up the ladder in slow, unconfident steps, looking back down at his family below each chance he gets. "Kenny! Mumma!" he cries.

"Go! Go, Levi! Get out!" they yell, distant. And somehow, through the heavy, impossible rush of water flowing through the open door, Levi gets out. And when he does, there’s no more water. No more ocean, fish, seaweed. The submarine is stranded, washed ashore a white beach - vast and wide and lonely. 

But there’s no more water. He can help the others out, he thinks, and Levi reaches over to look back down the open door.

"Mumma! Uncle Kenny!" he calls, loudly. But it’s already too late. Kenny and Kuchel’s faces are pale as they peek up through the surface, skin wrinky with water and lips blue.

"N-no, I... don’t!"

"Levi."

Kenny’s body is the first to sink completely, disappearing as it’s pulled beneath the surface of the murky waters.

"Levi."

Levi cries desperately, hurries as he sets his foot back on the metal ladder. He calls for mumma, over and over.

"Levi!"

Levi makes his way down the ladder, reaching for his mother, still unmoving. He calls for her again, the pain in his chest growing more unbearable the closer he gets.

"Levi, hey!"

But he’s too late once more. Levi reaches for her, desperately, but he’s only a child. He’s only a child, too weak for this task. He’s only a child. Who would do this to a child?

Levi hitches on his sobs as he desperately stretches his arm out, tries to get a hold of mumma’s hair, her nose, anything. But there’s no use - because no matter how hard he tries, Levi is just a child. What else can he do but watch his mother sink, slowly?

"Levi, I’m here. Look at me!"

And Levi hitches desperately as he searches for them. Tries his best, tries so hard, but it’s too difficult. And hopeless, he clings to the metal ladder, cries as he holds on. The water is rising again. Slowly. Levi’s so tired. He can’t climb back up again. The water reaches his shoes. His overalls, his chest. His mouth, nose, and Levi can’t breathe, he can’t see, he’s-

" Levi !" 

Levi wakes up with a gasp, sits up in bed with a heaving, desperate breath. He feels disoriented and confused, his bangs slicked to his forehead with sweat, and his body hurts - where the hell… where is he, he doesn’t-

"Levi. Look at me." 

Flinching, Levi turns, and finally, he remembers. Erwin .

They’re in bed, in Erwin’s bed, under the comforter. He must have carried Levi after he fell asleep. By the looks of the water glasses on the night stand, he had him drink some water, too. 

Erwin looks concerned where he’s sat. His brows are knit together tightly, hand warm on Levi’s back. Shit. Did he talk in his sleep? Call out for someone? For Kenny, his mother?

"S-shit," Levi laughs dismissively. He’s shaking. "Sorry. Shit timing for a nightmare, huh?" 

Erwin doesn’t move. Doesn’t say anything, and Levi feels awkward, embarrassed. Still a little shook up, too.

"… Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Shit, fine, just… fuckin’ dramatic ass imagination."

Erwin doesn’t look convinced. He seems unsure of what to do, and Levi feels uncomfortable. He clears his throat, glances at the time. 6:06.

"… I uh… I should get to work."

Erwin nods, wordlessly. "… Yeah. Yes, me too." 

They shower separately, and the rest of the morning is… for the lack of a better word, awkward. Levi borrows one of Erwin’s t-shirts, uses his pants from yesterday again. Eats the eggs and bacon Erwin masterfully cooks up, checks the time religiously, because… Levi wants to leave. Now.

When he finally does, Erwin walks him to the doorway. Takes his hand as Levi turns to lower the door handle.

"… Levi."

Levi hums. Softens a little when Erwin strokes his hair back behind his ear, blushes like a school boy with a crush. 

"I don’t want you to be embarrassed about this morning. Alright?" he says. Levi says nothing. He isn’t fucking embarrassed, he thinks, or maybe he is, he doesn’t fucking know , he doesn’t know why this is suddenly so weird, why talking and walking and touching feels like a task. "I understand you have a lot to think about these days. Armin has mentioned… some things, however accurate they may be, I won’t pry for answers. I do know that I had a very good time yesterday. Better than I’ve had in a long while." 

Levi looks up again then. Turns his brows up as Erwin smiles down at him, warm and kind. And shit, Levi did too. It was fun, all parts of it, talking, drinking, fucking, kissing, all of it. Not because of the talking or the drinking or the fucking or the kissing in itself, but because it was with someone fucking nice for a change.

"… Yeah, I… me too, Erwin."

Erwin smiles. "That makes me happy, Levi. I just… was I too much?" he asks then, carefully. "I… I know you said you wanted it rough, but… you practically passed out, you had that nightma-" 

"No! No, shit- Erwin-" Levi interrupts, eyes suddenly wide. He softens a moment later, figuring he’s made enough noise as it is. "No," he settles on. "I f ell asleep because it was a lot, in a good way. That fucking… shit that happened this morning, I… I have no idea what that was, honestly," he continues nervously. Wrings his wrists together. "It’s never happened before, I guess it was just a nightmare with fucked timing. But… but it didn’t happen because of what we did."

Erwin looks down at him, thick brows knot together in a stern frown of concern. Fucking hell, he looks like a stubborn kid. A stubborn kid with morning stubble and thick brows.

Levi sighs. Lays his hands over Erwin’s chest, stepping closer. "… You felt good. Fucking great, actually, think your cock sent me to a different dimension." 

Erwin chuckles at that, finally. He wraps his arms around Levi’s waist carefully, experimentally. "Don’t just say that, Levi. If it was too much, I want to hear that. I need to know, I-"

Levi snorts. Gets on his tiptoes, where he places a quick peck on Erwin’s lips. 

"You're so dramatic. If I didn’t like it, you’d know. Trust me, Smith."

Erwin’s eyes flutter back open, careful. He sighs, the corners of his mouth curled up into a faint smile. "I’ll take your word for it, then."

Levi hums. Brings his fingers up to graze over Erwin’s neck, the purple, childish hickeys there. "… Are you gonna call me?" he asks quietly.

"Of course I will. I enjoyed our time together a lot, Levi." Levi hums once more. Smiles. Kisses Erwin again. "Me too. And I need that cock again, so you better."

Erwin chuckles. He leans down, gives Levi a proper kiss, something long, gentle. "Have a good day at work. I’ll call you later on."

Levi smiles. Nods, turns, and then he’s out. That send off leaves Levi in a good mood, enables him to focus on that until the nightmare is a distant, foggy fragment of a memory. He’s smiling at school, happy as the kids fill the classroom, one by one. 

They’re excited this morning, too - Historia squeals in excitement as she greets him, Jean running up behind her to keep the conversation from the hallway going.

They chatter and talk amongst themselves with great enthusiasm, and Levi cocks a brow as he watches. "What’s got you kids so excited? You usually hate maths days."

"It’s Halloween in three days, Mr. Ackerman!" Connie exclaims, and the excited chatter of the other kids resumes.

Fuck, Halloween. Already? He’d completely fucking forgotten about that. Kuchel had been taking up 

most of his time lately, but still, it only feels like a few short days ago that the final days of September came and went.

"… Right," Levi says. He ponders for a moment. They always decorate for Halloween - well, for each holiday, really, but this time, Levi forgot. 

The walls are covered in nothing but the usual, children’s paintings, photographs and hand turkeys and various other projects they’ve had over the past two years.

That won’t do. Not when the kids are this excited. Levi has to slap away grabby little hands as they reach for the decoration box, the second he returns from the loft. No fucking way he’ll let the kids deal with the hanging of wall pieces, of taxing, difficult things, that’s for Levi to do himself, usually after school hours. But this time, he lets them have one thing each. Things they should be able to handle, even if they decide to sit down and play with it instead. Plastic bones, pumpkins, a fake knife, parts of Halloween costumes, that sort of thing. And the kids are more than happy. 

They chatter amongst themselves as they venture off with their new (old) things, discuss costumes as they do. Historia’s gonna be a princess, Marco a mummy.  Jean’s gonna be Super Mario, Connie ‘a melon!’ He’s too busy to hanging fake spiderweb along the ceiling to catch the others. They spend the next half hour decorating, and by the end of it, their classroom looks pretty fucking spooky. To the kids, this is because of the skeletons, the ghosts hanging off the walls. To Levi, it’s because of how cluttered everything looks.

Only three days, he supposes.

"Mr. Ackerman? Why is your neck so weird?" 

Levi cocks a brow.

"My neck? What-"

The hickeys. Fuck. 

He parts his lips softly as he looks down at Jean, who’s reaching up to poke at the bruises. Shit. Shit, why didn’t he ask Erwin for a turtleneck, or a scarf, something? "Uhm… they’re part of my Halloween costume," he blurts stupidly. 

"When daddy came to pick me up, he had those too," Armin supplies, which is just what Levi needs. He bites his lips.

"That so?" he mumbles, casually pretending to scratch at his neck in hopes his hand will cover the mess. "Maybe me and your dad are planning the same halloween costume."

"Daddy’s always Dr. Frankenstein," the blonde giggles. "And he does a silly voice."

Erwin as Dr. Frankenstein? Levi tries to imagine it. The tall blonde walking stiffly, arms stretched out, face painted green. He snorts. He needs a picture of this, at some point. The kids leave their prying, childish trust blindly accepting Levi’s Halloween-excuse. Nanaba and Moblit don’t, though.

"Looks like someone got lucky," Nanaba smirks, and Moblit giggles awkwardly, scooting over to make room for Levi. "Fuck off," he mumbles. Tries to focus on his cafeteria-meal as the two of them beg for details, asks what the lucky man looks like, whether it was any good. Levi stares into his potatoes as he blushes. Yeah, it was good. Very fucking good. But he doesn’t want to say that, to let them drag more details out of him, especially not when his date’s son is sitting a mere five metres off.

He gets off the hook because of Eren, who spills milk all over himself. He excuses himself from his two coworkers, relieved to escape the questions, helps Eren clean up after himself instead. He’s on his way to chuck the kid’s dirty clothes in the laundry machine when his phone buzzes again, and Levi’s heart twists with anticipation.

‘Hello, Levi. I know you’re still at work, but I wanted you to know I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how beautiful you looked last night. I’d like to see you again soon. When are you available? :-)’

Heat rises to Levi’s cheeks. Fucking sap.

‘hey. free every evening, but not tonight. but i agree, i want your cock in me, soon.’

‘That can certainly be arranged :-) I’m at work tonight anyways, but I’m off tomorrow, all day. Perhaps we could head over to yours once you’re finished at work?"

Levi pauses. At his? His isn’t even his, it’s his mother’s and though she isn’t at home it… well… no, it won’t work.

‘my family’s at home,’ he lies. ‘yours? or raincheck?’ 

‘Armin will be home, I’m afraid. But he’ll be off at a Halloween party the day after, from 4:30-6:30. Do you have plans then?’

Levi snorts. Does Erwin think he’s planning to go trick or treating or something?

‘no plans. except to let u dick me down, and harder this time. how’s that shit sound?’

A few seconds pass.

‘That sounds doable, Levi.’ 

That evening, they text like they’ve got nothing but time on their hands. Erwin tells him about work, about how his days go. It’s funny - Levi’s been on a few first dates over the past year, each one of which he’d had to pretend he gave a shit about whatever humdrum 9-5 each man spent their life doing. But with Erwin, that’s not the case. As the blonde tells him about fainters and chunderers and grown fucking men who have kicked and screamed at him, Levi finds himself struggling to stifle little gasps of laughter. 

‘I’m not sure how he expected us to take his blood, but he threatned to sue the hospital once I’d finished. 🤨👀’

Levi smiles.

‘people r fuckin insane. as if it’s ur fault the needle stings’ 

He doesn’t exit the app as he waits for Erwin to respond. They’re way past that point now, having texted back and forth for hours on end. Levi did try letting three minutes pass in between messages (Erwin would think he’s desperate. Levi /isn’t/ desperate.), originally. But conversation had been… well, fucking fun, and Erwin hadn’t had any fucking issue texting Levi back a split second after he’d responded, and so… well, who cares?

Levi’s having fun . For the first time in fucking ages. Why shouldn’t he indulge? 

‘I know, right? 😂😅 Still, I’m alright now. Ice pack to the face and a longer lunch break, so I consider it a win! 😝💯’

Levi snorts. The fucking emojis. Erwin has the internet-vocabulary and skill-set of a 70-year-old. It’s a little painful to witness, but it’s also horribly endearing somehow, in a wholesome, old man sort of way.

‘to be fair, you’re fucking huge,’ Levi writes. ‘if u came at me with a sharp instrument of any sort i’d slap the shit out of you’

It takes Erwin a while to respond to that. One minute, three, and by the fifth, Levi begins to worry he’s said the wrong thing. He’d called him huge - that’s not bad, right? Erwin is fucking huge. The man towers high enough to qualify as a small gigant, not to mention how fucking broad he is. And he’s hung. Really fucking hung. 

Another five minutes pass, and then another. Levi very nearly writes out a ‘u ok?’ but stops himself at the last minute - he’s not desperate, and besides… if he has humiliated himself with this last text, Levi refuses to make matters worse by addressing it. But his phone buzzes again, three minutes later, and it’s honestly quite embarrassing how quickly Levi leaps for his phone.

‘I had to put Armin to bed, my apologies. He’s very excited for the Halloween party tomorrow 🎃👻’

Oh, right. 

Levi sees the brat every fucking day, but for a second there, he completely forgot Armin existed.

He feels bad about that a second later, smiling at the thought of the kid excited for tomorrow. And hell…

‘arent u too?’ Levi writes, tries to sound coy. He barely knows how to get emotions across in real life, and so he hasn’t got high hopes. But… ‘we’ve got our dick appointment.’ 

A pause.

Erwin’s typing, the speech bubbles at the bottom left of the screen like a ticking bomb at Levi’s fingers. They disappear. Reappear. Disappear again before they pop back up, and Levi bites his lip in anticipation. 

‘Yes. Still, it’s a shame I can’t have you right now, Levi. Like I said, the sight of you was quite an unforgettable one.’

Levi snorts. Feels a little giddy all of a sudden, biting down on his own bottom lip as he writes out his response. 

‘how do u want me tomorrow? wanna pin me down again until i-‘

Erwin interrupts him with another text - Levi’s dirty talk still not sent off as the blonde casually, and disappointingly, writes:

‘That wasn’t the Halloween Party I was referring to, though. I saw the children are meant to dress up tomorrow? 🎃👻’

Levi only notices that he’s been dangling his fucking legs off the bed when he abruptly stops, the beginnings of the arousal in his lower belly instantly fizzling out. Is Erwin fucking serious? They we’re just about to get into it, weren’t they? Yeah, they were, Levi would have sent the fucker nudes if he’d asked, beat off to fantasies of Erwin fucking him again. Yeah. The guy had just told him he’d looked ‘unforgettable’ while he’d been fucking him, so how come he’d taken a full 180 to chat about the kindergarten’s upcoming Halloween party?

It makes Levi feel uneasy, and he doesn’t understand why. He should laugh at it, screenshot the chat and send it off to Farlan or Isa, his long distance friends, make fun of the mishap, but Levi, well… he feels bad, suddenly.

If he had been as good as Erwin had told him, surely the blonde would have been more than eager to get a taste of what’s to come tomorrow, right? Right?

And Levi knows it’s his anxiety creeping up on him, silent and slow and draining him of his rationality, he knows that, but… well, had he not been a good fuck? Erwin came, he knows that much, so it can’t have been horrible . And it was good for Levi, fuck, extremely so. But… 

He’s not in a panic, but he’s certainly not calm either, not when he near-manically rummages through the memories of Erwin fucking him in frantic search of a possible mistake.

Erwin had hinted to Levi topping was a possibility, but that can’t be it. He seemed more than happy with what they decided on, too. Had Levi looked strange, then? Maybe he’d been too loud, too sweaty…? Or… Or maybe he hadn’t done enough to please him? Yeah, maybe that’s it, he… he’d only laid there, really, sure, he’d sucked Erwin’s dick but other than that he’d pretty much been lax and pliant against the bedroll while the blonde did all the work, so… shit. Maybe it really was bad for Erwin?

Erwin texts him again as this dawns on him, and Levi realises it’s been 6 minutes since he replied.

‘Levi? Are you alright?’ 

Levi clears his throat. Decides to move on from his attempt to sext his student’s parent and answers instead.

‘sorry, yeah. tradition, the kids come dressed up and we go trick or treating to the teacher’s lounge,’ he explains, a premise which Erwin calls brilliant. Tells him about how bleak Armin’s previous kindergarten seems in hindsight, that he’s glad his son has such a wonderfully engaged teacher. Levi wants to roll his eyes and ignore him. He finds himself smiling into his pillow instead. Gross. 

The next day is fun, as Halloween with the kids always is.

They’re horribly excited, which is usually a recipe for disaster, but their care for their costumes dampen their need to run around and inevitably hurt themselves. Jean is excited to be Super Mario, though Connie offers the tasteful critique that Mario has a mustache, and Jean does not. Levi just barely manages to yank the sharpies away before this mishap is solved. Speaking of Connie - despite his intention to be a melon, he’s showed up wrapped in a green bedsheet. When Levi asks what he’s dressed as, the kid cocks a brow. Says he’s ‘the colour green’ as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Levi knows better than to question it.

Marco comes in as a mummy, Eren a werewolf, and Ymir’s jaw drops to the floor as Princess Historia prances in through the classroom doors.

And then Armin shows up. The excitement is evident in his bouncy steps, even though the white bedsheet draped over his head is long enough to trip on a few too many times.

"Hi, Mr. Ackerman!" the boy exclaims, and though Levi can’t see his lips, he can tell the kid is smiling, big blue eyes beaming from through the unevenly cut holes.

"Hey there," Levi smiles. "Great costume."

"Daddy made it!" Armin beams, jumping once, twice, the excitement of everything too much for his little body to handle. "And- and he dressed up too! So we’re gonna go trick or treating later at our new house!"

Levi smiles. He’s never seen Armin quite this excited, especially considering the fact that this is a social event. The kid is shy, hesitant to speak up. Levi’s just glad his other kids are, despite themselves, kind.

"Sounds fun," Levi says. "I hope you’re ready to celebrate with us too, though. Your first kindergarten Halloween, you excited?"

Armin nods, hums as he does. "And… and Eren invited me to a Halloween party after school too." 

Levi smiles. Good, he’s making friends. Proper friends, outside of school. That shit makes a difference. Levi’s dealt with a few loner kids over the years - hell, he was one himself - and it’s always a painful thing to watch. To try and squeeze them in with somebody, to make their inclusion a natural, everyday thing. It’s not always easy, but Armin seems to have made good friends here. Eren and Mikasa particularly, though he gets along with Marco in a way that seems to make Jean angry, too.

Levi sighs. Watches the kids play and show off each other’s costumes as he smiles, appreciative.

An appreciation which quickly falters, when the little monsters decide to gang up on him for not wearing a costume. Levi protests and rolls his eyes and tries to move, but the kids persist, and five minutes later, Levi’s dressed in Historia’s princess crown and some of Connie’s green fabric. He’s the evil prince of the land of Greenery, they decide, a confusing title Levi can’t really be bothered to question.

The day moves past smoothly. They go trick or treating at the teacher’s lounge, to which Moblit, Nanaba, Eld and the others are more than happy to offer up a few candies.

Historia gets picked up first. Only as her steps fade down the hallway does Levi realise he’s still got her plastic crown on his head, and he tells the others he’ll be gone a second as he hurries after. Because Levi’s life is a trainwreck though, not only has Historia already taken off, but he’s also greeted by a panting, soaked Erwin Smith making his way through the entrance in pursuit of shelter. 

"Why, hello," he smiles, chuckling as Levi tears Historia’s plastic crown off his head. "… Hey- uh. She- the- Historia. She left her crown, so…"

"So you’ve stolen it?"

Levi rolls his eyes, crosses his arms. "You can’t judge me looking like that," he says. Because Erwin is fucking soaked. It’s been raining all morning, the whipping, violent sort of downpour you’d be an idiot to venture out into, though most would have the brain capacity to bring an umbrella, if they did. Erwin chuckles softly, shakes his head to rid himself of the excess water in his hair, like a damn dog. "Busy morning," he says, and Levi nods. "Clearly. Come to the classroom, I’ve got a towel."

"Oh, I’ll just get soaked again the minute-"

"I have an extra umbrella too, smartass. Come."

Erwin looks at him. Smiles, nods. And then they go. The kids are all excited to see Mr. Smith again. Erwin’s great with kids, Levi learns then - having the perfect attitude toward not only his own child, but the more… well, difficult ones as well, Sasha, Connie, Jean. He engages with them, expressing deep interest as Connie explains his costume. Asks how he thought of that, how he seems very creative, and Levi doesn’t know why he feels… relieved? Moved?

Most other teachers don’t have the patience to hold out with Connie for long. The kid’s thought process is an enigma in itself, and there have been more than a few occasions Levi has snapped at teachers and parents for making him feel nothing short of stupid. Connie’s a good kid. A bit absentminded and distracted, sure. But a good kid with a good heart and ideas that would make any child shrink spin violently in their office chairs.

Erwin dries himself off with the towel Levi gives him, smiles as he watches Armin join the other kids.

"Has he been wearing that sheet all day?"

"Mhm. Keeps tripping on the ends. That’s a security hazard, y’know."

Erwin chuckles. "Yes I… wasn’t very thorough. Again, busy morning."

Levi cocks a brow again. What the fuck was Erwin doing last night asking him about costumes if he wasn’t going to prepare it then?

Shit. Does that mean it really was an excuse? To get away from the dirty talk? Shit - Levi wasn’t overreacting at all! Erwin HAS lost sexual interest in him!

Or maybe he doesn’t like sexting, but… but wouldn’t he have said so, if that was the case? God - Levi’s embarrassed. Erwin doesn’t want to have sex with him anymore! Why? Did he look strange, act strange? Sound weird? Maybe he wasn’t … moaning right, though Levi isn’t really sure how you’d moan wrong , but… but he’s fucked up in SOME way and god, this is just fucking embarrassing!

"Hey, Levi. About tonight," Erwin says suddenly, voice dropping several levels in volume. "I uh… well, I was thinking… perhaps it’d be better for us to take things a little slowly."

Suspicions confirmed, Levi feels his heart sink heavily, down to his stomach where shame and disappointment and everything has begun to pool up. "I’d still… I still want to date you," Erwin continues, voice infuriatingly calm. "I really do. I like you a lot, Levi, I just feel… perhaps taking things at a slower pace would be better." 

Levi’s first instinct is to ask why. Why Erwin doesn’t want to have sex with him anymore, what he did wrong to make him lose interest like this, but the need to know fades, just in time to hold back asking, questions on the cusp of his lips. Because Levi doesn’t want to know. No matter what the reason is, it will make him feel shitty about something, whether that be his body, his face, his voice, his cock, Levi doesn’t fucking know and he doesn’t want to know, because whatever it is is going to hurt. He can tell. 

And so, Levi’s second instinct is to get angry. Angry at Erwin for being such a stupid fucking asshole about it, for making his way into his classroom and humiliate him here like some sick power move, even if that’s not what it really is. No, Levi had insisted he come here, and it’d be strange for Erwin to not say something, but it’s still humilating, and Levi feels naked, exposed, angry and embarrassed. He turns some, looks over at the window as he tries his hardest to muster the willpower to form a single coherent thought, to reassemble his rational thinking. But Levi fucking can’t. The only shit running through his head at this point is all the things about him that are off, wrong. His height, his voice, off-putting personality. Not to mention the fact that he’d had that fucking nightmare later in Erwin’s bed, his head coming back to fuck with him again, making Erwin think he’s utterly insane, no doubt. Fuck!

Honestly, how the fuck did he think he’d have a proper, real chance with Erwin? It feels like a cry for attention, that question - Levi feels attractive, by the standards of his own face, body. He has good days, better days. But nothing will change the fact that he is an absolute monstrosity compared to the model-looking piece of shit in front of him. 

"… Levi? Levi, are you okay?"

A strong hand reaches out to grab him, the same one that had spanked his ass a mere day ago, the same one that had pulled on his hair, his cock, pried his hole open with thick and slick fingers. Levi tears from its grip.

"Don’t." 

He instantly regrets it as he hears himself. Because Levi sounds angry. Butthurt and angry and upset like a child being denied a snack, and he instantly straightens a bit. Musters all his willpower to keep his eyes on the kids instead, on Armin, who’s letting Eren pull the werewolf mask over Armin’s still-clothed head. He watches absentmindedly for a few seconds before he clocks that this is not a particularly safe game to play for those two brats - Armin’s nose and mouth are covered by a thick bedsheet, and now Eren’s further restricting his breathing by pulling the mask over his face, too. "Oi, you two."

Eren faces him immediately as he approaches. Knows Levi’s stern voice far too well by now. Armin peers around, confused. "That’s not safe," Levi mutters as he nudges the mask back off the blonde’s face. "He won’t be able to breathe, Eren. Armin, you okay?"

Armin nods wordlessly as he pulls the white sheet off his face again, hair messy. He looks more confused than anything. It makes Levi chuckle. "Good. Careful with these things, you got that?"

"Yeah," the boys mumble sheepishly, and Levi nods. "Now, I think someone’s waiting to pick you up," he prompts next, tactfully.

A chat with Erwin is gonna have to happen, Levi knows that. Not for his own sake - his preferred coping mechanism is to wallow in his own sorrow, but based on the fact that Erwin had said he still wants to date, he assumes the blonde has more to say. But that’s not gonna happen here.

No fucking way. Levi needs to gather his own thoughts first. And right now he’s uncomfortable, he needs distance, and he’s never been more grateful in his life when Eren decides this is the perfect moment to throw a hissy-fit.

"B-but I d-d- hhh, hhh… huuuu! "

Levi pauses his rummaging through the cabinet. He’s looking for the extra umbrella he’d promised Erwin, but Eren sounds like he’s about to suffocate on his own upset, and the boy lets out a trembling, angry wail as Levi picks him up to pat his back.

"Shh," he coos. Bounces him carefully where he stands, strokes his hair. "Hey, calm down, take a deep breath. Eren, hey. Like we’ve done before, yeah? Deep breath."

Eren sobs, chubby cheeks bloodshot and clammy from the tears rolling down them. And the poor kid tries, he really fucking does. Tries to cling to Levi’s t-shirt, to follow the man’s breathing, to calm down.

Like Armin, Eren enrolled late.

Six months after the others, probably an awkwardly timed move or some health issues, 

Levi had assumed. But he’d been corrected when the kid’s mother, a pretty woman named Carla, had come in to see him a week before his first day. Eren had been removed from his previous kindergarten. Levi saw the explanation letter, which described him as prone to ‘intense breakdowns,’ concluding the staff felt ‘unequipped’ to handle the kid’s ‘anger issues.’

It had been one of those fancy schools, the private ones, go figure. No one else would turn their nose up and cry wolf because of a fucking three-year-old. Again, like Connie, Eren’s fine. He’s a good kid, feels intensely and isn’t sure how to express it. Everyone could see that - Darius, Nana, Moblit, and so Levi had been sad to see Carla Jaeger quite literally break down at pick-up, following Eren’s first completed week.

You’ve gotta rationalise with him, Levi’s learned. Explain until he understands, because understanding goes a long way. But with things like this, Eren just needs a little patience. 

The kid stills now, sniffling and hitching still present as he evens out his breathing, like he’s learned from Moblit. He’s not sobbing anymore, and that’s a win. Levi offers him a small smile. "See, there you go," he says. Boops Eren’s nose before he leans back to look through the cabinet. He keeps him on his hip. "You wanna tell me why you’re upset?" Eren sniffles, and Levi grunts at the weight added to the effort of bending down, umbrella finally in sight. "Mm… I-I wanna play with… Armin."

Levi hums. "It’s a good thing you’ll see him again tomorrow, then."

"A-and!" pipes Armin, voice small, little hands clasped together beneath the bedsheet. "And I’m gonna go trick-or-treating with you today, Eren! And that’s only in… in maybe… in maybe just a few minutes!"

"It’s in a few hours," Erwin adds, softly. 

Levi tries not to look at him. He’s a bit too preoccupied to afford dealing with the Erwin situation, too. "But that’s not long at all, Eren. Armin will come to your party, and you can play together then."

Eren seems to ponder this. He sniffles, green eyes fixated on his own little fists, supported up against Levi’s shoulder. "S’… s’just that…" he keeps going. "That… then we’ll have other people there… too, and… and I wanna play with Armin alone ."

It’s quite cute, really. He knows the two have become good friends, but he’s never seen Eren break down over wanting to play with a friend for longer. It’s sweet, really. And then, Erwin lets out a startled little sound. It borders on a gasp, an eureka moment sort of thing, as if he’s just had the most brilliant idea of the century. And… well, it’s an alright idea. It’s just a fucking playdate, but whatever, Erwin can pretend he’s cracked some grand enigma all he wants.

Fuck, Levi’s already starting to fuss over shit the guy does. How hurt is he, exactly? Anyways. The plan becomes to call up Carla Jaeger. Ask her if Armin can come over early, so the boys can keep playing. This is more than alright with Carla - she sounds like she’s just recieved the best news of her life.

And so, Erwin takes Eren and Armin out for signing out, Levi’s extra umbrella in hand. The other parents come by, one by one. Within the hour, the classroom is empty. The silence is a breath of fresh air, and for each cobweb, each plastic skeleton, each witch’s hat and cheap tub of halloween makeup Levi clears up, his mind begins to clear.

The unbearable fire Erwin set within him earlier is reduced to a sizzling discomfort, and Levi feels… okay enough to think.

Erwin wants to date. But he doesn’t want to have sex? Why?

Levi thanks the silence of the classroom, because despite the lingering certainty that Erwin must find him repulsive or unattractive, it allows his rationality to reassemble, and carefully, Levi tries to think of what else might have caused this. Because… well, usually it’s the other way around. Sticking to a purely physical thing before agreeing to commit, unless you’re… mormon or amish or something, Levi doesn’t know. He’s pretty sure Erwin isn’t any of those. Maybe he’s extremely religious, though? Maybe he wants to be married befor- no, he had a kid when he was 23 and he fucked Levi in the ass a few days ago.

Not a plausible theory.

Maybe he just… doesn’t want to have sex this early on. But… still, if that was the reason, why would he let sex happened after the first date? And why would he choose to… want to keep dating Levi after the first date?

Truthfully, they aren’t even really dating, not yet, right? They went on one date. Fucked after, Levi slept over. That’s not serious. Easily abandoned. Levi’s done it before, Erwin likely has too - letting things simmer until a third or fourth date before coming to terms with the fact that you don’t actually like this person very much.

But then again…

Levi does like Erwin. 

He’s liked his company, his messages, every stupid work-story and rant he’s gone on, and Levi /knows/ that had it not been for this weirdass sex thing, he’d have no doubts about pursuing something further.

Shit. Maybe Levi’s just ugly, and it’s as simple as that. 

A terrible exterior and a banging personality, wh- but no, wait, not really, cause Levi’s been told on many a occasion that his personality is deplorable, and… Well, what the fuck?

He thinks about Erwin as he collects his things. Because they’re polar opposites, really, in every way. And genuinely, he wouldn’t be surprised if this was all a bit of some off-peak reality prank-show, something with a great ring to it. "Prankster Smith Bangs a Midget, Tells Him He’s too Ugly for Sex After," something like that. Rolls right off the tongue, that does. 

And Levi snorts sharply as he nears the exit doors, enjoying the soft pitter of rain as he approaches. He might be short and rude, but he’s pretty fucking funny, Erwin would have to give him that.

He sighs. He’ll get over this soon, he tells himself. Levi’s self-esteem has a mind of its own, waltzing between the two extremes of "I look so fucking nice" and "I wish Kenny hit me a bit harder so I could get reconstructive face surgery." 

He just needs some time, and he’ll be back where he should be. Where he should have been at for a long time. Where he hasn’t been at for… a year or two, at least.

And it seems he won’t get there any time soon. Because when Levi rounds the corner, he spots a familiar, green umbrella in the corner of his eye, rain pittering down on it in hollow, heavy sounds.

And beneath it is Erwin, and Erwin alone. 

Levi hasn’t thought of what he wants to say. What he wants to hear. Of course he hasn’t, not when all the time he’s been given is the short few seconds it takes to walk from the four-year-old’s classroom to the exit. Did Erwin… wait here? But he’s been gone almost an hour! 

Yeah - there are no kids in sight, no Carla either. He’s fucking waited here! And Levi isn’t sure whether he’s meant to feel creeped out or charmed. Erwin must share that same worry, because he looks pathetic and sheepish, thick brows knit together in a twisted, awkward frown. 

"Did you… did you fucking wait here?" he asks.

"I… I… Yes. It felt a bit less dramatic when I was inside, though, uhm… the blonde woman locked up, and…" Erwin clears his throat. He’s speaking at an awkward volume - clearly trying to overpower the sound of the rain, but still clinging to his need to sound apologetic. It’s fucking ridiculous.

"Well, uhm… it didn’t feel this drastic when I was sitting by the - no, anyways, I… I hope it doesn’t make you uncomfortable, but if so-"

Oh for fuck’s sake.

Levi rolls his eyes as he steps out to grab Erwin by the arm. Because no, Levi isn’t alright having this conversation in his classroom with brats all around, but he sure as fuck isn’t comfortable recreating a tacky romcom scene of making up in the rain.

They’ve been on one fucking date. Sure, they’ve had some extremely good conversations in between then and now, before too. But that doesn’t Levi knows the fucking guy.

Because in all honestly - they’re still strangers. No, worse - Levi is Erwin’s son’s teacher - and fucking hell, how infinetely worse that’s made all this. He pushes Erwin toward the car park, tells him if they’re gonna do this in the pouring rain on the parking lot at his fucking workplace, they can at least do so in the warmth of a car. 

"You could have just texted me, you moron," Levi says, slams his car door shut. "What’s your fucking deal?"

"Levi, I’m very sorry. I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable, I- please, I don’t want you to feel like you have to have this talk with me. Alright?" 

And at that, Levi’s had enough. Feels his face grow red with stinging, fiery irritation, because he’s offended. That’s fucking offensive. "Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?" he spits, the question bordering on an airy laugh of pure disbelief. "Does this turn you on or some shit? Taking care of people to feed into your swollen fucking ego? You’re a piece of shit."

"Wh- Levi! I never meant-"

"You look like a fucking prick !" Levi interrupts, reaches for the car door. It clicks open easily, and the sound of thundering rain pours in through. But Levi thinks of one more thing, halts his movements to turn back once more. He’ll regret it if he doesn’t stand up for himself now. "And a piece of advice, asshole. We fucked, big fucking deal. You- your cock isn’t close to being fucking good enough for you pull all that dumb… fucking… fucking white knight shit!" Levi’s growing more and more annoyed as he speaks, as he realised just how fucking pretentious this shit is. "We went on one date, Erwin, I don’t know who’s been stroking your ego to the point where you think… think you’re breaking my fucking heart by ending things, or something. I’m not a fucking child! This fuckin’… fuckin’ ‘ooh I’m so tall and I have biceps’ shit is the most- most ridiculous shit I’ve-"

Levi pauses to take a breath of air. Erwin says nothing, eyes fixated on the shorter man beside him.

"… The most ridiculous, childish shit I’ve ever heard, I could beat the fucking shit out of you if I wanted to, you - you… I… I. You could have just said it wasn’t working out and left it at that, you fucking-" 

"Levi, I wasn’t gonna end things," Erwin interrupts. His eyes are wide and blank as Levi’s slightly incoherent rant sinks in, completely. "I just… I wanted to clear the air before we met today."

Levi rolls his eyes. "What, you don’t think I know what you’re doing?" he asks. "You think I haven’t met guys like you before? You think you’re all fuckin’ that, you- you think I need you letting me down slowly or some shit? To ease the blow? You’re so fucking immature!"

"Why- Levi, I told you I don’t want to end things! What- you’re the one making this into a big deal right now, you-"

"What!?"

"-aren’t even hearing me out! I-"

"You fucked me once and told me you didn’t want to again right after, you fucking asshole! What did you expect!?"

And Levi sounds a bit too hurt there. Lets an embarrassing airyness slip at those final few words, and he groans in frustration - he can only imagine what mercy-inflicted white-knight fuckery this is gonna make Erwin spill.

Levi leans back against the car seat. Means to move, to get out like he’d been meaning to, but… he feels tired. And he feels… upset. A little hurt. Insecure, maybe. Shitty emotions Levi wants to deal with on his own, but … he wants to hear Erwin’s response too. Maybe it’s a self-destructive thing, Levi doesn’t know. He does know that he’ll obsess over this if he leaves it, that he’ll nitpick and analyse until he identifies new little things to dislike, whether they’re stretchmarks or scars or bumps or edges.

"I don’t need you fucking pity-dating me," he finishes. "I don’t care."

For a moment, Erwin says nothing. Watches him in deep thought, brow growing tighter with each passing second. "Jesus," he mutters eventually. "Clearly, I’m not as swift a communicator as I thought I was."

Levi rolls his eyes. "It’s fucking whatever. We went out, it didn’t work out and that’s fucking fine. I’m not gonna dropkick you at pick-up or whatever the fuck it is you’re expecting."

"… Well, to… to quote yourself from about 20 seconds ago;" Erwin mutters, sheepish as he looks over, big blue eyes gleaming with the hopefulness of a kid. "You could beat me up if you’d wanted to. You can’t blame a man for being careful." 

Erwin chuckles when Levi snorts. It would have been funnier had it not been for the tension, the discomfort of all this.

"… Sorry," the blonde says immediately after, though. His voice has gone soft again, thick and sweet like honey. It’s a warm and calming thing, and Levi finds himself thinking he sounds like the final parts of the summer. The shorter man says nothing. Because unlike that white-knight shit from earlier, this is genuine. 

"Sorry," Erwin repeats again. "… I do like you, Levi. A lot, in fact - I don’t usually go stand outside my dates’ workplaces like a madman in hopes to catch them, I-… God, that really was out of line, wasn’t it?"

Levi snorts. "Yeah. Pretty fucking weird." 

"… I’m truly very sorry," the blonde says, and this time, Erwin’s voice is slightly airy with discomfort. "Genuinely, Levi, I- I never wanted to make you uncomfortable, or god forbid, scare you at your own workplace. I… hh. I suppose I just thought you would be going shortly after we took our leave, and that it would be reasonable to stay behind so we could talk. Still, Levi, I’d be surprised if you weren’t uncomfortable from all this, so if you don’t-" 

"You always this fuckin’ fussy?" Levi mumbles then. Erwin says nothing, not for a few seconds. Only keeps his eyes on the shorter man, a soft gaze. "Maybe. Is that a dealbreaker?"

Levi snorts. "Three dealbreakers by date number two. Going fucking well, this," he says. Regrets it after. Erwin’s… said he still likes him, but Levi’s not sure that’s true. Guilt goes a long way, clearly, Erwin’s occasional sneezes and slight trembling is testament to that. So how does he know this isn’t just a fuck-off project-feel-better for Erwin’s own conscience? 

If that is the case, Levi feels truly pathetic - because he’d just hinted toward a second date. A second date. Erwin hasn’t even fucking explained everything yet and Levi’s hinting at a second date, three minutes after having a complete meltdown in his car. 

He feels stupid. Expects the next thing to come tumbling from Erwin’s lips a teasing ‘so we’re still going?’ or a pretentious ‘so I’ve got a second chance?’

But this doesn’t happen. 

"Three dealbreakers? What’s the third, Levi?"

Oh. Shit.

"Doesn't matter," Levi mumbles, diverting.

"No, Levi, please. If there’s something I’ve done, however serious, I want to know. I mean that." 

Levi says nothing. He’s tired. Focuses on the droplets of rain rolling down the car windows, the pittering down in potholes, cracks in the road if the lot.

"… One fucking date," he mutters, as if to underline the ridiculousness of how serious they’ve let this become. 

And Erwin chuckles, quietly. And then they simply… stop. It’s like a halfway break, scheduled and planned, as they both simply sit back, silent. They enjoy the cascade of ruthless grey outside, the sound of it clattering against the car roof in quick, metallic taps. It’s like they both need a break, one spent staring into the nothingness of the outside world, and it feels fucking nice.

"… I know we’ve only had one official date," Erwin mutters suddenly, gently. "But I… I really do like you, Levi. The conversations we’ve had, what you’ve told me about your life. And… I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t at least try to pursue this, I… I want to know you better. Really."

And that makes Levi… well it makes him feel light. It makes him feel warm and flustered, and he feels awkward suddenly. 

"Will you tell me about the third?" Erwin asks.

Levi shrugs. Because it wasn’t that big of a fucking deal, not really. He’d just been dramatic, caught up in his own thoughts, but… but again, he’ll obsess over it if he doesn’t ask, it… 

Levi snorts. It’s a transparent coping mechanism, but easy to see through.

"Your eyes are lying," Kuchel had often told him, growing up. "Either teach them how to trick me, or come tell me what’s wrong." 

Levi feels like anyone could spot his eyes, the liars, the goddamn body-traitors, from a while away. He can feel them, heavy and spent as he thinks of what to say next.

"It was good for me," he begins. "It felt good. And I thought you felt good, too, that…" Levi pauses his rambling to cringe. This is fucking embarrassing.

"I did feel good," Erwin says confused. "What do you mean I didn’t?"

Fuck this shit. This is fucking embarrassing, and shit , how could he have been this stupid? 

Levi groans where he sits, wants to will the chair to sink into the floor. He rubs a hand through his hair, sheepish.

"… I thought you found me attractive," he admits, and then it’s out there, spoken, and Levi’s gruesome, irrational brain tells him Erwin is laughing internally. But he is saying nothing. Neither does Levi. They sit in silence for a few, short seconds.

"… You fucked me and then decided you didn’t want to anymore after." he snorts. "Something about… about me or… uh, my body or voice or… whatever made you change your mind and - that’s fucking fine, I’m not-… it was just a punch in the gut."

"… You think I don’t want to sleep with you because I find you unattractive?"

"I-"

"You thought I… went into your workplace to tell you that?" 

"Wh- well what else would the no sex thing be!?" Levi yaps, arms shooting out at his sides. Erwin takes them, glide his hands up towards Levi’s wrist up to hold over his hands. He sighs heavily like that, pressing his forehead against Levi’s hands. 

"… One date, huh?" he mumbles, mirroring Levi from a few minutes ago.

Levi snorts. Nods. And Erwin looks up at him then, sighs once more. "It’s because of me," he says calmly. "I’ll tell you about it, I will. But I think our first date has brought enough heaviness for now."

Levi smiles faintly. 

His lids are heavy, low, and he doesn’t know what to make of any of this shit. He’s emotionally exhausted from all the misunderstandings, the assumptions, having to explain shit he hadn’t eve managed to understand himself. 

From over the console, Erwin squeezes his hand. "How would you feel if we started over?"

Levi blinks a few times, absentmindedly. "Huh?"

"Well… this has been very taxing, misunderstandings and all. But I like you a lot, Levi," Erwin explains, the smile on his face soft, and fuck, those goddamn dimples. "A second first date, something along those lines."

A second first date, huh? Levi’s first instinct is to call that stupid - can’t they just go on their second instead? But Erwin looks bright and hopeful in his seat, and he’s… fucking cute, for the lack of a better word, and for some reason, the sight makes Levi appreciate all this. Erwin waiting for him. Wanting to explain properly. A second first date. No, they haven’t known each other long. But… Erwin’s already putting more effort in than any other guy 

Levi’s been out with before and… isn’t that what he’s wanted? Someone who cares? And at that, the man finds himself flustered and soft. Squeezes Erwin’s hand back once, an act that feels oddly intimate.

"… That’d be nice." 

And Erwin looks fucking beyond himself. He smiles like an idiot, dimples deepening as it widens, and shit, it’s endearing. "Second try, then."

Levi hums. He smiles too. It feels strange and uncertain and thrilling too, and it takes the shorter man a while to realise that for once, the rush in his body isn’t anxiety, it’s just… excitement. It feels good. Energizing. And it makes Levi pull the blonde in, tugging on the hand he’s holding, his shirt. This must have been on Erwin’s mind too, because he sighs into it when their lips meet, his free hand moving up to lay over the back of Levi’s neck.

It’s a nice kiss. Warm and soft and a little too wholesome for Levi this soon, but who cares? Because Erwin smells like shower gel and men’s perfume, and he’s smiling so softly against Levi’s lips, moving at a pace which feels tender and fucking good.

Erwin chuckles as they part. Brings his hand to rest over Levi’s cheek, strokes the skin there gently. "Kissing, right as our /first/ date starts? You move very quickly, Levi."

"Shut up," Levi laughs. Leans in to kiss him once more, and then again, unable to stop now that he’s begun, apparently. And Erwin’s stroking his skin, humming into it in a way that makes Levi’s dick act up, because shit - they’ve just gone over this - Erwin wants to take shit slowly for some reason.

They part now, the pitter of the rain surrounding the safe space of the car. "… You’re breathtaking," Erwin says then, suddenly. "I can’t believe you worried I found you unattractive ."

That makes Levi cringe again. Because yeah, he did think that, and though he’s obviously happy that’s been cleared up somewhat, it feels fucking childish. "Good thing we’re moving past that, huh? You’re taking me on a second first date, so shut up about that shit."

Erwin chuckles. His fingers thread through fine, inky locks, and he presses another peck against his lips. "Whatever you say, Levi."

Erwin takes him to an arcade. It feels childish, but the big blonde idiot insists on trying DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION and fails horrendously, and Levi finds himself having fun. They play whack-a-mole, air hockey. Levi gets dizzy from the VR-set, Erwin gets far too enthusiastic playing Mario Cart. Levi wins Erwin a wonky-looking stuffed turtle from the claw machines, and as they eventually leave the arcade in search for some food, the blonde pulls him in for a kiss. It earns them a few stares - parents yanking their kids along at the sight, teenagers staring like they’re two circus animals, and Levi makes sure it’s kept short.

"Could you go grab us a table?" Erwin smiles, hands rubbing along Levi’s broad shoulders. "I’ll be with you in a second. I’d just like to check on Armin." 

"Sure," Levi says. Rises to his toes, puts another peck to the blonde’s lips, hooked on the feeling Erwin’s touch sends through his body. He hates PDA usually - can’t stand the shit. Once dated a tall blonde man (another one, Levi has a type, apparently) who insisted on touching and grabbing and kissing in public to the point where Levi is convinced they made a few people homophobic. But this is different. It’s not too much. Erwin hasn’t shoved his tongue down his throat in the middle of the street, nor does he insist on fucking… headpats or backstrokes or other annoying, distracting shit he’s had men try and pull before.

No, Erwin wants to hold his hand. Even that’s a little much for Levi, being a man of particular social boundaries. The kiss just now had been a bit much, too, but they’d been shielded by the extention of the arcade’s metal wall, not too visible.

Erwin hums warmly, and then he turns to check on his son. Levi finds them a table at the very back, asks for two menus and waits patiently. Dinner is nice. Erwin orders a chicken sandwich, Levi gets some pasta. The stuffed turtle sits idly by the condiments. They exchange pleasant small-talk there, shit that doesn’t feel unnecessary, for some reason. 

Erwin grew up a few towns away. He’d been quite the nerd, supposedly, and somehow, Levi can imagine it easily. It becomes even easier when the blonde admits his guilty pleasure is researching UFO conspiracy theories, a fact which makes Levi choke on his fucking pasta. For the third time. Because Levi’s laughing a lot. He’s having a really good time, talking and joking and just… well, sitting with Erwin, even when he’s forced to avoid some uncomfortable questions himself.

And Erwin seems to be enjoying himself too. He’s smiling gently and laughing loudly, and holding Levi’s hand until it gets clammy and gross and the shorter pulls away.

Erwin tells him about Armin. The shock of being told he was gonna be a father, the fear he’d felt. How it all faded away when he’d held him for the first time. "Everything fell into place," Erwin smiles. "He was so small, and… well, I hadn’t ever felt suited to be a dad. Ever. Not until that moment."

Levi smiles carefully as he listens. Watches the absentmindedness in the man’s blue eyes as he thinks back on it, on his kid. "So… why’d you move up here?" he asks.

"Ah." Erwin clears his throat, and the way he straightens, stiff, tells Levi this is a touchy subject. "I split up with his mother. I uh…" Levi swallows to coat his dry throat. Shifts, uncomfortable. "Sorry, uh…" he begins. "You don’t have to tell me this shit, if you don’t want to."

Erwin shoots him a faint smile, intended to comfort. Squeezes Levi’s hand again. "You’re alright. I don’t mind." 

"Nah, hey. Shit like that’s uh… I get it," Levi says, scratching at the back of his own neck. He sucks at comforting people. Not that Erwin… needs that, or… or… Levi doesn’t know, okay? He’s shit with words, especially the ones that matter. "Besides," he continues. "S’only our second first date, right? The deep shit isn’t due until… what, the sixth first date?"

That makes Erwin laugh, his lips blossoming into a gorgeous fucking smile - the genuine type - once more. Levi hums. Smiles, slaps the back of Erwin’s hand gently.

"You’ve got every date planned out, then?" he laughs. Levi nods as he has another sip of beer.

"Yup," he says. "Keep log of your every move to see if you meet my expectations for each one. Watch out, Smith." 

Erwin’s laugh is a loud, rumbling thing, enough to earn them a few stares. But for once, Levi doesn’t mind. It’s a good sound. "I can’t imagine I’m doing fantastically so far," the blonde says. "Unless being the best Dance Dance Revolution champion you’ve ever gone out with is your First Date Expectation, in which cas- hey!" Erwin interrupts himself, smile evident in his voice as Levi breaks out laughing, a loud and uncontrollable thing that makes his stomach hurt. 

"You nearly fell-"

"I wobbled !"

"-on your face tw- wh- how were those wobbles!"

They go back and forth on this a few times. While Levi stifles his laugh, the one he hadn’t meant to fucking… let out like that, Erwin keeps defending his case. Levi just listens. This guy is so fucking dumb.

"So… we agree I’ve met date expectation number one, then?"

"You fucking wish," Levi says. 

"We’ll agree to disagree."

"Fuck no."

"How cruel. Are you saying you won’t let me take you out again, then?"

Levi rolls his eyes. Doesn’t say anything, because fuck, of course he wants to see Erwin again. Even if it involves awful, embarrassing dance moved. Erwin smiles, a knowing, smug thing. His fingers glide over the skin of Levi’s cheek, and when he closes in, Levi’s heartbeat fastens.

"So cruel," Erwin repeats. A low mutter, Levi feels him on his lips as he speaks. And then he kisses him. It’s warm, slow. Kept short, given their surroundings. But it feels good. And it leaves Levi blushing, pathetically, and a little turned on. "… Fucking asshole," he manages. It comes out in a trembling whisper, weaker than Levi had hoped for. 

Erwin kisses him like that again when they part, later that night. His fingers are threading through Levi’s hair, and Levi can’t help but stroke at the man’s sides, over his shirt. "You look beautiful tonight," Erwin whispers. "I wish we could stay out for longer. I’d like to look at you some more."

Levi rolls his eyes, heat rising to his cheeks nonetheless. Who fucking wouldn’t - that shit is cheesy as hell, and … yeah, maybe he likes it a little bit. But it’s still fucking dumb. "Fucker," he settles on saying - a graceful ‘thanks’ in Levi’s book. Rises to his toes, kisses Erwin again. "Text me." 

Erwin chuckles. "Of course," he says. Strokes his fingers along Levi’s cheek one final time, kisses him one final time. "… I’ll see you soon."

Levi smiles. Nods. Watches him as he walks off, gets in his car to drive down the road once more. Can’t shake that warm smile plastered on his face as he thinks the day’s events over, giddy as he enters the apartment.

Once inside, Levi slumps down on the couch lazily, relishing in the warmth his heart pumps out as he thinks the day over again. It makes him want to text Erwin, although he’s got nothing important to say. Not really.

Besides, Erwin’s driving. And he’s going to pick up Armin, and that’s not something Levi wants to get in the way of, ever. Still, it makes him feel restless. Like he needs someone to talk to, to tell about these past few hours, and Levi ends up by the beaten old computer in the living room - an old, battered thing holding on by a thread. There, he logs on to discord, tags @isa and @F4rlan123 in their private chat.

‘down to vc?’ he writes. 

Isa is always online. It comes as no surprise when she begins typing immediately, a testament to all her eagerness.

‘yea its been ages!!!!!!!!’

Levi smiles at that. It’s only been… about five days since their last call? A long while with no contact by their friendship’s standards, but for Isa, who’s got more pent up energy than some of Levi’s four-year-olds, it’s an eternity.

Farlan catches up soon after.

‘Yeah, that’d be nice :-) Now?’ 

Before Levi can reply, Isa’s icon pops up in one of the server’s voice channels.

‘yes hurry!!!’ she writes. And Farlan’s icon pops up, too.

Idiots. He does miss them.

They speak nearly everyday, but Levi hasn’t seen his college friends for ages. 

Isabel is a five-hour-drive from here, and Farlan moved abroad after they graduated. Levi was the only one who remained close-by, and aside from chatting on Discord while Isabel streams her shooting games, Levi’s not seen the two of them for… three years, now? He presses the channel, and with a slight static-y tune, Levi joins the chat.

"Leviiiii!" Isabel exclaims, her voice cutting off ever slightly, his connection being shit.

"Levi, hi!" Farlan adds. "How’s it going?"

"Hey guys," Levi says. 

Their small eternity of no contact shows, and for the first hour, all they do is chat shit. Isabel rants about her internship, how boring it is, how shitty her coworkers are. The newest updates on her dramatic love-life, on her creepy landlord. Farlan’s on his week off, exhausted from a week of tiresome long nights at his fancy new university. It’s only when Levi mentions he’s had a weird few days, he remembers what he’d meant to tell them. Erwin. About Erwin, the roof-talk. The sex, the weird apology, the first second date.

And his friends are gasping and laughing and swearing and screaming. They add comments as the story progresses, shift back and forth on their impressions of Erwin - they like him, then don’t, then they hate him, then like him again. "No! No, stop, I don’t believe you!" Isa screams. "You said he was hot . And that his dick made you-"

"Isa, ew, don’t-"

"- pass out from how good it was! Only to… to fuck off and make you watch him play Dance Dance Revolution."

"I didn’t pass out , I-" 

"Maybe he’s just… really hot," Farlan suggests, and Levi snorts.

"Yeah. I’ll handle the dancing, s’long as I still get that dick again."

"Gay," Farlan calls. "So what happened next?"

"Uhm… he took me to this fucking… diner place. He paid and took me home after." 

Isabel lets out a small, approving sound. She’s always first in line to disapprove of Levi’s flings, so this is promising.

"Took you home? I thought he didn’t wanna have sex?" Farlan asks curiously.

"No, like- he took me back home, drove me."

"Oh." 

"So what was the send-off like?" Isabel asks then. "Did you kiss?"

"Of course they kissed, they kissed all throughout the whole thing!"

"Y- wh, but I wanna know what it was like! Levi, what was it like?"

Levi rubs his neck. His friends cant see him, his computer doesn’t have a web-cam, but he still flushes, memories of Erwin’s cheesy send-off rushing back.

"Uhm… we kissed," Levi says. Unsure of what to say next, feels awkward, embarrassed. "And uh… I don’t fucking know, he was all cheesy, told me we’d meet again soon, whatever." 

It’s a criminally downplayed account of their goodbye. Because Levi does know. And it isn’t whatever. Because Erwin had meen gentle and warm and kind and so fucking cute Levi can’t get the image of him out of his head.

So when Farlan asks if they are meeting again, Levi is caught in his downplaying. He flushes, pauses and stutters as he says he wants to, that he’s willing to wait for sex. That Erwin is nice, kind. He nearly tells them he’d called him beautiful, too, but stops himself at the last moment. "He’s just… nice," he concludes. "And he’s a good fucking dad, clearly fucking loves his kid, even though he’s in a shit situation."

"Sounds like Armin’s getting a second dad," Isa says. "That’s cute."

And Levi says nothing. Because… he hasn’t really thought about that. What will happen if the two of them do work out? Are… does Levi have a responsibility to… well, step up then? To be a parent? No- he’s got a mum, too. Levi’s his teacher, and he isn’t even sure he’d ever even have kids willingly , so… is that something Erwin will expect of him? To be a second father to Armin? Or, maybe he won’t . Maybe something serious is off the table for Erwin, not wanting to put Armin through a potential breakup? If so, then… what are they right now? Dating, but not fucking, but not planning on something serious either? 

So what… how do they move from here? What are they working towards, if anything? Are they-

The uptuned ring of Levi’s mobile interrupts him, tearing him from his own spiralling. Erwin. Erwin’s calling him.

"S-shit- I uh… I- He’s calling."

"Now!?"

"Oh my god, pick up!" 

Levi’s eyes flicker from the phone to the computer to the phone again, and in a mindless panic, he picks up. "Hello?"

"Levi, hey. Are you free to talk?"

"Uh…" Levi looks back to the computer screen. At his unmuted microphone. "Yeah. About what?"

"Oh! Nothing special, uhm… I just wanted to talk to you. If you’d rather go to sleep though, that’s okay."

Levi blinks absentmindedly. They just saw each other… an hour and a half ago. What’s this?

"No uh… no, that’d be nice."

Isabel squeals lightly. In Levi’s ear, Erwin chuckles. "I’m glad. I… enjoyed seeing you today. Immensely. Thank you for giving me a second chance."

"…Yeah. It uh… it was worth it. I had a good time."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm."

Levi can’t let loose now. He’s awkward, stiff, and Erwin is probably noticing. Yeah, no. This won’t do. He tells Erwin he’ll call him back. This makes Farlan and Isabel groan in frustration, and before those five minutes have passed, Levi’s being kicked out of the voice channel with strict orders to call up Erwin right away.

And with his friends out of the picture, Levi does. And the two of them talk. They talk for what feels like two minutes, about stupid conspiracy theories and the kids’ halloween party and whatever else comes to mind.

"I’m telling you. Ask any man to rate Zeke Jaeger, if they say seven or less, they’re definitely not straight." 

"Oh, fuck off."

"Everyone thinks he is!"

"He’s not!"

"And you’re gay! See my point?"

Levi laughs softly where he lay, on his side in bed. Swears a small ‘fuck’ when he looks up to see the time. 

"What’s wrong?" Erwin asks.

"The time. It’s quarter past midnight."

"Oh. Oh, wow."

Levi says nothing. Or, he knows what he should say, that he’s gotta go, fuck off to bed. But Levi doesn’t want that. He wants Erwin to keep talking, to laugh and joke because he seems happy when he does, and it’s nice to listen to.

"… I suppose I should head to bed."

Dammit.

"Yeah, shit. It’s… uh, it’s late," Levi halfheartedly agrees.

"I… want to see you again, though. Do you want that, Levi?" 

What kind of a fucking question is that? Shit, of course Levi fucking wants to. Why would he be talking to Erwin for hours over the phone if that wasn’t the case?

"Yeah," he says. "Yeah, I do. When?"

Erwin hums. "Are you free on Saturday?"

Saturday. Kuchel’s gonna be back home by then, isn’t she? Fuck. Still as long as Erwin doesn’t drive him home, that’s fine, right?

Or… or is it? Is Kuchel gonna be okay on her own? She’s not here now, but she’s got nurses, doctors, people who watch her 24/7, and Levi will be the replacement of that from then. "I can’t on Saturday," Levi mumbles. "I uh… I can do Friday, though?"

"I’ve got a night shift then, I’m afraid. Hm… raincheck, then?"

Shit. Levi nearly sighs in disappointment. "Yeah. We’ll figure out a time."

"Sounds good. Good night then, Levi."

"… Good night." 

They don’t see each other the next day. Nor the day after.

Levi finds himself going through highs and lows of uncertainty, smiling into his pillow at the thought of Erwin in one moment, afraid of the commitment and the responsibilities tied to him in the next.

The latter is a rarer occurance out of the two, though - insantly cured the second another text pings in from Erwin telling him about everything, nothing.

The weekend goes by quickly, and on Monday, after work, Erwin asks if he’s free again. And Levi is excited. Really fucking excited, so much so he can’t stop smiling as he gets dressed, styles his hair, readies himself for the walk Erwin’s asked him out on.

So much so that he’s bouncing both legs in anticipation on the bus, that he checks his face in the window reflection every three seconds.

So excited that when another text pings in, he instantly checks it, hoping it’ll be Erwin saying he’s on his way. But it’s not Erwin.

It’s Kuchel. And instantly, his excitement is swept away. 

‘Can we see each other again soon? The days are slow without you. - Mama’

When Levi had reached out to her, Kuchel had been adamant to let him back in her life. When he took her to her appointments, it was never without protest, and when he started cooking, cleaning, she’d been quiet and sheepish. Never, not once since he was kicked out at 17, has Kuchel asked to see him.

The relief, the hopefulness that washes over Levi is overwhelming enough to make his hands shiver, and he stares at the message for a few more seconds before he types out a reply.

‘of course mama,’ he writes, and finally, it feels… okay to call her that again. ‘im sorry i havent seen you for a few days. when do you want me to visit?’

It takes Kuchel two minutes to answer.

‘As soon as you want to’ 

Levi looks up at the time, displayed on the screen showing the next bus stop. 5:32. It’s not too late to visit yet. But…

But what about Erwin? Their walk?

They’ve been looking for a time to go out together, difficult when Erwin’s got a child to take care of in the hours Levi isn’t watching him. But… but this is his mother. His family. He’s tried mending their relationship for months with no real success, and… well, what if this doesn’t happen again? What if he says no, and Kuchel is hurt? What if it solidifies what she thinks of him? And for what? 

Some guy he’s met three times?

"Levi? Hello, are you alright?"

There’s wind rushing by Erwin’s microphone as he speaks. He must be there already. Fuck.

"Hey, uh… yeah." Levi bounces his leg nervously as he looks up at the traffic ahead. It’s been ten minutes since he recieved Kuchel’s final message, and although he’s supposed to be in the park by now, Levi instead finds himself in a taxi, driving towards the hospital. "I… fuck, Erwin, I’m really sorry, but something’s come up- I… it’s- it’s family shit, and… and I just- it’s important. I need to go, I-"

"Levi, wh- stop, slow down," Erwin says. "Is everything alright? With your family? With you?"

Levi rubs his temple, shuts his eyes. Everything isn’t alright. But it might be, soon, because Levi’s gotten a second chance. His mother wants to spend time with him. To have him closeby. And Levi can’t fuck that up. "Yeah, I’m fine," he says. "I just… really fuckin’… gotta do something. And uhm… I didn’t find out until now, and I… Won’t make it today. I’m sorry."

"Don’t be sorry," Erwin says, soft. He sounds so… fucking gentle, not angry Levi’s flaking. "Do what you need to do. We’ll find another day."

"… Yeah," Levi says. "Shit. Sorry again."

"You don’t need to be. Family comes first."

Yeah, shit. Erwin is right. Family comes first, and Kuchel is all the family Levi’s got left. He needs to do this.

"Levi…"

Kuchel sits up, thin lips curling up in a smile as Levi approaches. Her thin arms reach up towards him, and the man spares no moment to lean down to hug his mother close.

"Hey, mum."

It’s Kuchel who lets go first, thin fingers threading through the short, black hair on Levi’s head, the hair that’s the exact same as her own. "Thank you for coming."

Levi smiles warmly as he nods. Doesn’t say anything - he’ll fucking burst out crying if he does. Because Kuchel wants to see him. She wants him here, him! 

Not only that, but… she hugged him, warm and careful, she cuddled his hair - just like she’d do when he was young. When he’d have a nightmare or when he was sick. "How are you feeling?" he asks, and Kuchel shrugs. "Eh, y’know. Not fantastic. But more … present."

Kuchel sighs deeply. She looks down to her lap, watches her fingers. "More clearheaded than I was last we talked, anyway." 

Levi’s fingernails dig into his palm. Is the talking about…

‘I didn’t raise anyone to be like this.’

Levi bites his own tongue. Those words had… stung. A lot. But Kuchel is right, she /had/ been heavily medicated, probably tired, in pain, irritable. There’s no wonder she said it.

"You know I love you. Right, Levi?" Kuchel says now. Looks up at him, eyes blank. And Levi feels relieved. So relieved. "… Yeah, no. Course I do, I… I was talking a lot. Can’t imagine all that shit they give you here makes you wanna burst out in conversation." 

Kuchel smiles, nods. "No, it really doesn’t," she says. "But it’s okay, Levi. Just… be a little more mindful next time."

Levi nods. Looks down on his shoes. The last thing he’d wanted was to make Kuchel more exhausted, but he had. And then he’d burst out like a fucking brat, fucking off for days. Shit.

"… I’m sorry," he manages, still not looking up. Not until he feels Kuchel’s warm hands over his own, and he’s met with a soft smile. "I forgive you." 

Levi could cry. Kuchel is smiling and she’s holding his hand, and when Erwin texts him to ask whether he’s okay, Levi nearly laughs. He tells him everything is okay. That he’s okay, that his family is. Because right now, everything is falling into place. Kuchel puts on Dr. Phil. The guests are horribly annoying, and the two of them laugh, boo, groan at the screen. And when visiting hours are over, Levi hugs his mother tight. For the first time in forever, everything’s good. 

The park-date is rescheduled for Wednesday.

Erwin kisses him softly when he sees him, lets his hands glide over Levi’s broad shoulders, down his arms. When the shorter man asks where they’re going, Erwin’s only response is that he ‘knows a spot,’ and Levi nearly fucking laughs. 

"It’s a bit of a walk though," the blonde says. "If you’d rather we just take the park trail, that’s okay too."

Levi looks up at him. He doesn’t mind long walks. Enjoys them a great deal, actually, especially if the view is nice. "I work with kids all day. My stamina isn’t that shit, you know."

Erwin chuckles. "If you get tired on the way, I’ll carry you. You’ll be like a little backpack."

"That’s a low-blow. You’re on thin ice, Smith," Levi mumbles. Gets up on his tiptoes to let Erwin kiss him. "This ‘spot’ better be fucking incredible." Erwin holds his hand as they make their way through the forest trail. Or, in the beginning, anyway - until Levi decides it’s stupid - the trail is narrow as fuck, and the inconvenience outweighs the goodness of being close.

Besides, there’s sticks and thin, sharp branches everywhere, surrounding them like a thick and stinging cage, and Levi is too annoyed to give Erwin his hand back for the majority of the walk. But once they’re out of the trenches, have climbed a few hills to eventually, finally get to a clearance, it feels good to walk.

The thick forest of briar and nettles have led them to a clearance - a crooked hilltop, high enough for Levi to spot thin layers of snow at its sides. It’s beautiful. The sky is completely free of clouds, the vivid blue of it bordering on unreal. The air is fresh, thin, slightly chilly, and it feels good to move in the breeze.

"Erwin, this- this is… shit." Erwin looks back at him, and at the sight of Levi’s wide, bright eyes, he smiles. Reaches his hand out to take it in his own, to squeeze it. "I know. Beautiful, isn’t it?"

Levi nods, slowly. The hill is covered in green, dewy grass, a few patches of snow covering the rocks and stone layers peeking through the lawn. Erwin chuckles slowly. Presses a kiss to Levi’s temple, and the shorter man mindlessly leans against him. "Are you gonna get angry with me if I say we’re not there yet?" Levi looks up at him. Blinks, mindlessly. "This isn’t it?"

"It’s not."

"Shit. What fucking paradise are you planning on taking me to?" Levi mumbles. "Or are you planning to murder me?"

Erwin laughs, strong fingers playing with the hair at Levi’s nape. "I promise you, I am not planning to murder you."

"… You better not. Armin would be pretty pissed, y’know. Favourite teacher." 

"Exactly what I was thinking," Erwin says. "So I’d much rather impress you. Come on, it’s only a bit longer." 

Erwin isn’t a slow walker, thank fuck. He matches Levi’s pace easily, and although the length of

Erwin’s legs are a clear advantage, Levi’s still impressed. Their pace keeps them warm despite chill, the thin air and the sharp wind, and when they eventually make it past another small clearing, Erwin looks back at him.

"Here we are." 

The ache in Levi’s tired limbs, the shortness of breath, the sting from the thick bushes of briars and sticks from before - it all fades away.

Because suddenly, everything is beautiful. 

The hillside lay covered in green, dewy grass, in beautiful, white wildflowers, swaying ever slightly as a mellow breeze flows through it. There’s water, Levi realised. He can hear the rush of it, not violent and fast paced by the sounds of it, but a soft, gentle stream, and as the man walks up to join Erwin at the place between their trail and this … fantastic, untouched world, Levi spots the thin stream of water flowing through the valley. The trees are scattered across the lawn, impossibly tall. They lay sparse, unlike the thick cluster they’d made their way through earlier. Everything else - the flowers, the grass, the stream flowing through it all - seems to be placed with great precision and thought, Levi thinks. But the trees seem to have been chucked out wherever - had these trees been in a park, or by a public university, a hospital, anywhere close to society below them, whichever city planner behind it would have been fired. Of course, Levi knows no one’s had a say in the placement of the damn trees here. No, not out here. This is pure nature, a hidden paradise untouched by the loud and disruptive touch of humanity, and the first word that pops up in Levi’s head is ‘unreal.’ 

"Is… is this… are we still in Mitras?"

He only registers the idiocy of his own question when Erwin chuckles lowly, breaking him from his appreciatory haze. And when he looks up at Erwin, it’s as if the blonde was made for this. Sun-woven hair flows elegantly in the quiet breeze, the warm light on the horizon painting Erwin’s face in a brilliant, beautiful colour. It makes his eyes look brighter too, deeper, and for a moment, everything - this place, this man, everything - is too good to be true.

And Levi realises he’s fucked. 

Levi watches the icy waters stream past pebbles and rocks in the stream. Erwin spots a frog, great enthusiasm fading into fear when it suddenly leaps onto his thigh. They watch the sun, the view of the forest below as the fog fades, ever slightly. And in the end, Erwin offers up his jacket for Levi to sit on in the wet grass. Assures him he won’t be cold, even though he only has a tshirt on underneath. Levi rolls his eyes and calls him an idiot, but accepts regardless.

And so they find themselves laying down in the grass of the mountain valley on their own, far from the buzz of society. "I take Armin up here sometimes," Erwin says carefully, fingers threading through Levi’s hair. "He’s too small to walk this far, so he’s in his carrier for most of the walk. He always falls asleep by the time we reach this place." 

Levi snorts. Resumes tracing his index finger over Erwin’s arm, slow, slow circles. "I don’t blame him. That walk was fucking long." Erwin chuckles. "I’m sorry. We’ll go somewhere a bit more accessible next time. Bowling, or something."

Levi hums. Sighs as he turns over to face Erwin, the sinking sun lighting his face up in orange, pink hues. He keeps his eyes on Erwin’s collarbone. "… Nah, uhm. This… this is nice," he mumbles. "Thanks. For showing me." 

Erwin smiles warmly, and for a moment, all he does is look at him. Strokes Levi’s cheek with his thumb before he leans over again, catches his lips in a soft, slow kiss.

"I thought you’d like it," he smiles. "It’s quite peaceful. Isolated." 

"What the fuck. Are you calling me a loner?"

"No!" Erwin laughs. "Just… you don’t get a lot of peace and quiet, it seems. Or… or maybe you don’t seem relaxed enough-"

"What the fuck !"

"-or, hey! I’m just making observations!"

Levi rolls his eyes as he smiles. Erwin laughs as he watches him. "I just wanted to do something relaxing for you," he concludes.

Hm. Well, there’s certainly other ways Erwin could make Levi relax, other than taking him up an eternity-long hike. Things that would probably relax Erwin quite a bit, too. But Levi doesn’t mention that. Erwin’s set his boundary, and that’s that.

"Have I messed up the Date 2 Expectation by calling you a loner?" Erwin asks, and Levi chuckles.

"Yeah. You’re not doing great." 

"No?"

"No. Three date expectations so far, only one right."

Erwin furrows his brows. "Three? I’ve only been made aware of two, this is unfair!"

"Even thought you got the last of them?"

"Ooooh no," Erwin smiles. Pecks Levi’s lips once, twice. "No, no. I got the one from last time. Dance dance revolution champion."

"You did not ."

"Mh…"

Levi glares at him. Watches Erwin from below, whete the blonde lays propped up on his elbow. He laughs. "Alright, Levi. Which one did I get?" Levi smirks. "Post-work stalking." Erwin chuckles again, leans over him. "Mm? You liked that?" he asks, voice low, deep, enough to make Levi shiver.

"No," the shorter man says, looking up at him. "Just made us even." Erwin laughs once more, and Levi can feel it on his lips as they meet for a deep, wet kiss. 

It’s more enthusiastic than Levi had anticipated, Erwin’s tongue lapping over his own, licking his lips, groaning into him. But Levi’s certainly not opposed to this. He cups Erwin’s face to keep him there as the blonde’s hands move down to hold Levi’s waist, and it’s not long until it grows into something heated. Levi’s head is spinning as he moans against Erwin’s lips, relishing in the warmth of his body, the friction of his thigh between Levi’s legs as he grinds, rolls his hips. It’s only when Erwin’s hand moves up to touch the skin under Levi’s jacket and shirt he snaps out of this wanton haze. Because what the fuck - what happened to taking it slow? And… and they’re outside !

Alone, yes, but outside, in the fucking dirt, in the grass and it’s cold - no way he’s letting Erwin get in his pants here.

"S-stop," Levi manages. Can’t help but laugh when Erwin looks up, concerned, hands still roaming over his stomach and chest. He looks ridiculous. Levi snorts. "You’re not fucking me in the wet grass. Get back up here."

Erwin’s hands still beneath his clothes, before he slides them out again, slowly. The loss of their warmth is… disappointing. The blonde chuckles, lays back down beside Levi over his own jacket. 

"I’m sorry about that," he smiles. "You’re an enchanting man, Levi. I lost myself there."

Levi snorts again. Brings his hands up to fumble with Erwin’s shirt. "Makeout-creek, huh? You bring all the boys out here for a quick valley-fuck?" 

"You think all the boys are interested in hiking for hours to have sex? You overestimate me, Levi."

"Mhm. So there are others."

Erwin smiles. He looks entertained, and Levi sort of wants to slap him, sort of wants to kiss him. "No," he says. He kisses Levi lips, a quick peck. "Just you."

At that, Levi isn’t… quite sure what to say. He hadn’t expected Erwin to just fold rather than carry on teasing - but now he’s being all mushy, and Levi’s blushing and he’s embarrassed and-

"Hey." 

When he turns his head back, Erwin’s all soft smiles and kind eyes. He’s got one hand on Levi’s cheek, maybe to keep him in looking at him, maybe to be close, but Levi finds himself … not caring for once. Because it just feels nice. It feels good. Warm. Comforting. Grounding. 

"Mh?"

"I’m having a good time. Thanks for coming today."

"Cute. Still not letting you fuck me in the wet grass."

Erwin lets out a hearty laugh, one that echoes off the mountain walls, scaring off a flock of birds in the distance. Goddammit. Loud bastard. It’s a little sweet. "We’re taking it slow regardless, Levi," Erwin chuckles. "I didn’t mean to get ahead of myself. I apologise."

Levi snorts. He sits back up to look at their surroundings again. The creek, the flowers. The branches of the trees swaying gently in the wind. "It’s fine," he says. "Anywhere but here, you just let me know when you wanna fuck. I’ll be there."

The drying leaves rustle together as the wind sends the branches dancing once more. The creek flows quietly. Erwin doesn’t say anything, and the lack of his voice is a vacuum. An odd one. When Levi looks back, the blonde is looking off into the distance, bright eyes covered by a haze of… absence, as if he’s not quite here anymore. Levi looks at him. Studies the wrinkle between his brows, the dullness of his eyes. Men like Erwin are loud and expressive, but Levi wouldn’t be surprised if this was how they showed sorrow. Or heartbreak. 

Because rather than swapping one emotion for another, it’s as if… well all previous joy is simply vacant, gone, melted and in it’s lieu is… nothing. Nothing. It’s a worrying thing, but… at the same time, Levi finds himself fascinated. He probably shouldn’t. But Erwin… well, he looks beautiful. He’s got the sort of expression few masterful artists would be capable of portraying correctly, that few actors would be able to mimick. And accompanied by the descending sun, the beauty of the lonely valley they sit in, it’s… magnificent. And Levi feels his heart pound, hard, fast.

"… Erwin?" 

The trance, the spell the blonde has put him under breaks immediately, as the man looks up. Shoots him a faint smile, chuckles for no reason other than to excuse himself. "Fucking hell," Levi mutters, smiling. "Where’d you go?" 

"Sorry," Erwin replies, followed by a deep sigh, a groan as he rubs his eyes. "Don’t mind me, Levi."

"Kinda fuckin’ hard when you just blank it."

Again, Erwin says nothing. Simply sits up next to him, no words uttered, looks off into the distance for a few seconds. 

"… Levi, I… hh. We all have our wants, I get that," he says. Pauses as if to think his words over once more, three, four, five second. "… But if you’re only in this for sex, then I need to know that." 

It takes Levi a moment to understand just what the fuck Erwin is getting at. In what? In this thing, this… whatever this is, with Erwin? These dates? Levi, only in this for sex? Well… sure it’s a … it’s a fair claim, but he doesn’t… think- wait! 

"Wh- you’re the one who’s made a move on me ," Levi says. "Or… you brought me home, that first time- y-you tried to fuck me just now!"

Erwin chuckles, gaze still fixated on the scenery, the beauty of the distant forest, the creek, the nature. "I know, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I meant… I suppose I just want to know what you want from this. From us."

Levi says nothing. Watches the man at his side blankly, taken aback - partly by the question itself, partly by the sudden shift in mood. 

"I know it’s early to ask things like that," Erwin continues. "Trust me it’s not… heh, well. It’s not really something I’ve been looking forward to asking you. But… I know what I want with you. And… when you have a child, Levi, that… changes the wiggle room to see how it goes, I suppose. I can’t be spontaneous very often, nor can I have you over very often - or, at least if we want to act the way I want to act with you. But… well if you only want something casual, I… I can’t fulfill that." 

Erwin looks off into the distance as he speaks, unnecessarily dramatic and far too grave.

"Are you asking if I’m gonna stay ‘round for dick and fuck off?" Levi asks. And partly, he’s entertained. It’s a serious thing, Levi knows that. He wouldn’t be surprised if Erwin’s been in disappointing relationships before, where he may have let people to close to himself - hell… maybe even to Armin? Only for them to leave. In which case the worry is understandable, extremely so. 

And while it’s easy for Levi to say he won't be one of those people, it’s not necessarily true. Right? If Erwin has had exes that have gotten close to being serious, that have gotten close to be boyfriends or partners or… maybe even a second parent to Armin, it’s not like leaving was necessarily them being… well, horrible. Relationships go South, people drift apart and dynamics change, people change their minds, and while committing to a person with a child is something to be wary of, it’s not like Erwin’s exes should have forced themselves to stay because of it, if they were unhappy.

Levi looks at him now, at the worried wrinkle between Erwin’s brows, the way his shoulders have grown tense, his jaw clenched. “I suppose, uh…” he begins. Pauses, rubs at his nailbands. “I suppose I just want a heads up of what you’re looking for. Which I know is a tough one to answer, I know that’s not just something to be summed up on a third date.”

“Second,” Levi corrects. Erwin looks down at him. Softens when he sees his face, his weak attempt at what’s supposed to be a comforting smile. It must do something, because the blonde closes his eyes, the skin between his brows now smooth. He chuckles. “Second,” he agrees. 

And here comes the hard part. Levi’s meant to respond, to assure or explain or reject or accept or whatever the fuck he’s meant to do , but unsurprisingly, like most other times, he finds himself at a loss for words. 

Doesn’t know which ones to pick, which ones are right, which ones will keep Erwin reassured, yet keep himself from downright lying .

“I uh… I can’t fuckin’... promise you we’ll work out,” he begins. “Or that I won’t… I dunno, that we won’t fuckin’... fuck shit up and make it go to fuckin’ shit.”

Classy. Levi cringes.

“But like… I mean I’m fuckin’ here, aren’t I? On a damn mountain with you. And uh… I went out with you after you said you didn’t wanna fuck, and after I thought you were a creepy stalker and that you thought I was ugly and all that shit, and…”

Fucking hell. It sounds insane now that Levi’s summing it all up. What a pile of red flags! Levi sure knows how to pick ‘em. But still… it’s not like it didn’t work out, right? And…

“... I mean I’ve gotta be wantin’... something with you. I gotta be waitin’ for somethin’, right? Other than a shag?” 

Erwin looks at him. As if he’s a puzzle to be solved, something to calculate, analyse. And he eventually, he smiles. Nods. “I see,” he says. “It seems we’re on the same page, then.”

Levi nods.

They are, he thinks. 

Levi isn’t sure when he starts feeling so… light. Weightless.

Maybe it’s under dim lights and the strong scent of whiskey, in-between kisses, when Erwin tells him he’s happy they met. 

Maybe it’s when he sees Erwin laugh so hard he slings his arm over his stomach, his free one clinging to the kitchen counter as he leans back into it, loud and genuine and carefree. 

Maybe it’s when he starts dropping by the school every Wednesday, a packed lunch with Levi’s name in hand. Or maybe it’s when those lunches begin containing little notes; ‘Have a good day, Levi :)’ or ‘Can’t wait to see you later’ or ‘Eat up!’ 

Or maybe it’s when Erwin stops writing on post-it notes, instead switching over to teabags - a different one for each week, always with a cheesy little message scribbled on the back. 

Maybe it’s when Erwin finally tells him about Armin’s mother. About how she’d claimed she was ready, how all responsibilities had fallen on Erwin’s shoulders despite that. How he’d won full custody - not easily, despite the fact that he’d been the only one able to say how many scoops of formula was to go in Armin’s bottles, what diaper size he wore, what his favourite toy had been at the time.

Telling Levi had made Erwin dull-eyed and retracted, as if he’d retreated within himself in search of the memories, leaving a muttering shell of a man behind, in Levi’s arms. It hurt, clearly. To talk about. But that still hadn’t stopped the man from perking up immediately as he continued, telling Levi about Armin taking his first steps, about him saying his first word (‘octopus,’ Erwin had proudly told him). About how happy he’d been starting kindergarten. About how much he’d spoken about Mr. Ackerman, his favourite teacher. About how happy he’d been starting kindergarten. About how much he’d spoken about Mr. Ackerman, his favourite teacher. Fondness had been evident in Erwin’s eyes that night, his hands warm around Levi’s own. “I’ll have to agree with him,” he’d smiled. Cheeks warm with heat from the drinks, from sitting so close. “I like Mr. Ackerman quite a lot, too.” 

Maybe that weightlessness had started a few minutes after that, when Erwin had finally, finally kissed him with purpose, when he’d carried him into his room and touched him slowly, carefully, held him close as they’d moved together in ways that matched their previous time’s desperation perfectly, yet differed vastly in tempo.

When Levi had come undone, he'd clung to him, feeling warm in more ways than one at Erwin’s careful praises.

There had been no nightmares that night. 

Kuchel had been put back in hospital shortly after. Weaker than ever and more irritable, and… difficult work. It’s hard to be there for your mother when she tells you she doesn’t want to see you, when she says to contact Kenny instead, when every tiny thing, everything you buy, bring, get is wrong, never enough.

That feeling only lingered for a second though. It only took one glance at the frail, dark haired woman writhing in her hospital bed for Levi to be washed over by an immense feeling of guilt - guilt for feeling sorry for himself, guilt for not being grateful. Because his mother was still here, she was alive and she’d forgiven him for how he’d hurt her, all those years ago.

Erwin had found him distant and hollow, sat on top of the hospital roof, just as they’d met that time before, when Kuchel’s tumour had grown back. Weeks had passed since then, and though the scene had been the same - Erwin in all his phlebotomist glory, the faint smell of cigarettes and distant, everyday sounds of strangers, it had all felt… so heightened, somehow. 

Because this time, Kuchel was running out of options. This time, Levi didn’t have more money to spend on her, no matter how hard he tried.

… And this time, the man standing on the building opposite him wasn’t just some against-the-odds run-in.

It was Erwin.

Just Erwin. 

And Erwin had left him there that day, left him to the deafening silence of lorries honking and trains in the distance. But then he’d been there again - really there - not on the opposite building but on the one on which Levi had stood, and he’d been gentle and soothing as he’d stroked his back, listening to the dark haired man as he’d told him everything in a whisper. “It’s so fucking dumb,” he’d laughed quietly, feeling Erwin’s arms tighten around him, ever so slightly. “I’ve wanted her to forgive me for… fuckin’ years, and when she does, I can’t even take care of her without whining like a fucking kid?” Erwin placed a comforting kiss in his hair, though he’d said nothing. And Levi prefers that. Always.

No interruptions or pity to crook up the pathway of the story he’s trying to tell, no opinions or immediate reactions. People always do that - give insight or input or enthusiastic ‘ah’s and ‘mhm’s, to be present, to show engagement, but… but there, on that hospital roof, Erwin had said… nothing. 

Simply held him as the sun set the sky ablaze over the offing, and… listened. Just listened. Listened as Levi told him about the way he’d left after his mother’s comment a few weeks ago, how she’d been regretful and sad and reassuring that she loved him and that she forgave him.

“Forgive you?” Erwin had asked carefully then, the first words he’d uttered in what had felt like hours. “For what? Leaving?” 

Levi had bit his lip. Been quiet three, four, five seconds before he’d moved, pushed away and out of Erwin’s arms to sit up by his own support. Needing to feel his own weight. “... I uh… I fuckin’ upset her. A lot. When I was 17,” he began. “I said shit I shouldn’t have. Made her cry, and…” Levi paused. It’s not often he’s told people this story, and he’s got the same issue each time. His words tangle up in his throat, knot together. Memories fading, darkening, and though Levi knows the facts of what happened, the emotions. He knows it hurt, knows triggered the fall into the darkest mental place he’d ever been, but when it comes to… retelling it, remembering is like looking for a lightswitch in a vast blackness of nothing. 

“Uhm…” he continued. “Kicked out. My uncle gave me 10 minutes to pack up my shit, uh… fuckin’... yeah, the argument just kinda… escalated. I fuckin’... opened my mouth again, he beat the shit outta me.” 

Levi had been watching the cluster off trees by the park near the train station, how the sun painted the trunks of them a dull orange. Still, even with that distraction, he’d been able to make out Erwin tensing in the corner of his eye. “... He beat you?” 

“Not like, bad or anything,” Levi had assured. “Just fucked my eye up a little, didn’t break any bones or anything like that.”

“... That’s still… Levi, what do you mean? He gave you a blackeye?” 

“Yeah. But it’s fuckin’ fine, I acted a little shit. I woulda beaten up anyone who made my mum cry, too.”

Erwin had scooted in closer, a big hand firm on Levi’s thigh to catch his attention. When their eyes had met, finally, Erwin’s expression had been unreadable, brows knit up in slight worry, though otherwise stoic by his own standard.

“... You would have beaten up a 17-year-old boy?”

One. Three, five. Seven seconds.

Levi looked away, back to the tree trunks, blurrier now. Knit his brows together tight, as if to focus, to tame and maintain whatever shitty feeling Erwin had just set alight within him. He shook his head.

“... You don’t have to tell me what you said to them,” Erwin had continued softly. His thumb drawing repetitive little motions over Levi’s thigh, a small attempt to soothe. “But if you do, I would listen.” With a small huff, Levi had brought his hands up. Pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes till he’d seen stars and moving patterns, till the upset had vanished. He sighed. “I told her she’d ruined my life.”

Levi sounds defeated as he speaks, voice flat and dull and emotionless, and instantly, he feels guilty for sounding like he doesn’t care. Because he does. He’ll never forget how his mother had looked that night, confused, hurt, wide eyes brimming with tears.

‘Why did you even fucking /have/ me!?’ he’d screamed, voice loud enough to overpower Kuchel’s own. ‘All you’ve done is made me unhappy, ruined my fucking life, and now-’

He’d regretted it the second he spotted the first tear roll down Kuchel’s cheek. Tried to take it back, to dial things down, but his mother had already begun to cry, her shoulders shaking as she wept. While Levi had been caught up in his own blurry memories, Erwin must have pulled him in. Cause he’d come to again with his head against the man’s chest, his arms around him once more, Erwin’s thumb caressing his shaking hand, over and over.

“I uh…” Levi had continued. “She saw me with my boyfriend. Not fucking or anything just, uh kissing. And… yeah I uh… she just… she wasn’t happy about it. We got into an argument, she said uh… she didn’t have me so I could turn into uh…” Levi breaks off into a small laugh. “You can probably fuckin’ guess, you went to med-school and shit.”

“... Levi.” 

Erwin had held him close. So close for so long it had been as if all of it was for his comfort rather than Levi’s. That was fine, of course. Erwin gets what Erwin needs.

After that day, Levi had expected a break-up.

He’d regretted telling Erwin about his mother the minute they parted. So what if he’d left kissing Levi gently, stroking his cheek and thanking him for telling him - support or not, it didn’t change the fact that… Erwin knew. Knows. Knows how fucking horrible and selfish Levi can be, knows how rotten he is, even to his closest and… and fuck! Fuck, why has he got to be this way? Levi’s never been good at keeping his boyfriends for long. He’s curt and angry, direct, blunt, and his relationships - the ones that meant something, anyway - never lasted longer than a few months. 

So when Erwin and Levi do keep dating, despite Levi’s confession, he grows… intimidated .

Because things are good. They’re too good. Two weeks becomes a month, and then two months, and by three months, Levi nearly feels guilty letting himself receive Erwin’s attention, his… well, his affection.

They mostly see each other when Armin is with his grandfather, or with Eren and Mikasa, or at night, when the unknowing little blonde is fast asleep upstairs. But they learn to take advantage of other times in the day, too - learn which days tend to work for each other, what shifts and lunch breaks and common free spots they can seize. And it’s… shit, it’s fucking great. Erwin is great and the sex is great and shit, the dates are great and it isn’t long until Levi’s chest swells with fondness at the very thought of Erwin, at the sight of him, until the little hairs on the back of his neck are brought to life at his touch, his lips on his.

Erwin massages Levi’s feet while they watch TV, Levi hugs Erwin from behind while he cooks. Things are fucking good and… and shit, this might not just be dating anymore, this…

It might be nearing the L-word, and fuck, Levi is scared. Because it’s never felt this intense before, so secure and so good, he’s never felt so at home with another man, and the realisation dawns on him that Erwin Smith will either be a lasting love, or his biggest heartbreak yet.

So…

“Levi?”

“Mh?” 

Erwin chuckles as Levi meets his gaze, his hand resuming the gentle fondling of the skin under the shorter man’s shirt. It’s not a sexual thing (though Levi wouldn’t mind if they made it one), just a soothing caress of his back - a cuddly weakness Erwin discovered last week, and now refuses to stop doing.

“You okay?” he smiles, free hand easing up to thread through his hair. Levi sighs. It feels good. “Mh… yeah. Go lower.”

“On your head or your back?”

“Mmmhhh… back.” 

Erwin chuckles again, presses his lips to Levi’s temple as he obliges. “You got it, love,” he mumbles, and Levi hums an approving ‘mmmm’ against the blonde man’s shoulder. “You’re like a cat,” he snorts, which earns him a lazy slap over the chest. 

“Mh- then you’re a fuckin… fat… tit man.”

“A fat tit man? Or a fat-tit man?”

“What’s the difference?”

“A hyphen.”

Levi groans, not keen to have the other man get into how to differentiate the two, or god forbid - begin lecturing him about grammar. 

He groans as he sits up straight in Erwin’s lap.

They’re in the blonde’s home, a Monday evening. The lights are dim, they’ve spent the evening lazing around, both men exhausted from particularly busy days. Armin’s asleep. Never saw Levi come in, won’t see him leave either. 

Levi brings his hands up, gropes at Erwin’s chest. Who needs a hyphen to communicate what you mean? “That,” he says blankly, hoping that’s explanation enough. “Fat-tit man.”

“Fat-tit man,” Erwin repeats. "What's that got to do with cats?" 

Levi hums. Shushes him, because he can't be asked to defend his logic. Lays back down against Erwin, can’t help but smile at the feeling of Erwin’s rumbling laugh reverberating through his chest. It’s a sound he’s grown to love. It might even be his favourite. 

“Hey,” Erwin mumbles next, pressing a trail of kisses down Levi’s jaw in a way that makes the shorter man gasp out a laugh, momentarily torn from his fatigue as he slaps at Erwin’s hand, his chest. “Fuck! Er- Ahah shit! I’m ticklish, asshole,” he complains, which only eggs the blonde on further, of course. He attacks Levi’s arms, his chest, waist, and Levi writhes and gasps for air as he hopelessly pushes at the other man in hopes to get him the fuck off - though the battle is futile. 

Erwin ends up on top of him, nose to nose on the couch, smile not faltering even as Levi’s hysterical laughter dies down, and it’s quiet again. 

For a few seconds, all they do is stare at each other. Until Levi rolls his eyes, pulls the man down by the shirt collar to kiss him deeply. Erwin hums content against his lips, hands moving up to cup the shorter man’s face, to thread through his hair. “You’re beautiful,” he manages between kisses. “Levi.”

Levi chuckles lazily against the other man's lips. Only stops when Erwin pulls off once more, remaining above him to look down at him. Levi smiles faintly. Feels a bit embarrassed from Erwin’s intent to say sappy shit, even after three months of it. Focuses on pushing a lock of blonde out of the way instead, despite it predictably slipping out from behind his ear again straight away.

“... Stop looking at me like that,” he mumbles. 

“Mm,” Erwin hums. Leans down to kiss him again, a peck this time. “Am I not allowed to appreciate my boyf-”

Levi’s eyes widen slightly, body mirroring Erwin’s own as the taller man freezes above him. 

The silence only lasts a few seconds, or maybe it’s longer, but it feels like… a fucking hour of eyes flickering nervously, shoulders tensing.

They haven’t labelled themselves as anything yet. 

It hasn’t been necessary, really - they enjoy each other’s company regardless and even now, three months in, neither of them have brought up what it is they’re doing, despite Erwin’s initial hesitance to have sex. And three months ago, Levi would have been fine with that. Fine with a purely physical relationship, even, fucking and hanging out, no strings attached. But… for each day that passes, Levi discovers something new.

Erwin leans back when he laughs. He stacks the dishwasher in the worst way imaginable, and he pouts in his sleep. When Armin runs into his arms, he always holds him up high before he hugs him, dimples deep on either side of his dumb, brilliant smile. He likes to be held despite his size, but doesn’t hesitate to scoop Levi up in his own arms if he senses the shorter man's upset, either. 

And… for each little thing, for each bad habit, each good habit, quirk and like and dislike the fondness in Levi’s chest grows just a little more, to the point of which is beginning to grow closer to the L-word than it is a crush or an attraction. 

He stares at Erwin now, on-edge and maybe a little hopeful, watches intently as Erwin bites his lip, sighs. Chuckles. “I’ve just pushed us into the inevitable conversation, huh?” 

He smiles, not waiting for Levi to respond before he wraps his arms around him, pulls him back up into a sitting position. Levi lets it happen, keeps his hands loosely placed on Erwin’s waist as he sits back a bit. He doesn’t want to speak first. No, he can’t speak first - because… he likes Erwin. He likes him a lot, so fucking much - too fucking much, unless Erwin doesn’t like him back, in which case fuck Erwin, he isn’t even that nice anyway. So what if his dimples make Levi’s stomach flutter with butterflies, so what if his laughter makes Levi want to kiss him senseless? It doesn’t matter.

“Levi, I… I know you may not return the sentiment,” Erwin begins, nervously. For the first time ever he seems… too shaken to even look at him, which for Levi is of common occurrence, but for Erwin !?

“But… I care for you. A lot. These past few months have been wonderful, more than I can even begin to describe to you.” Levi looks at him. He can feel his heartbeat in his fingers, his ears. He’s never seen Erwin… flustered like this, nervous, stripped of his usual confidence. 

“ You’re wonderful. You’re kind, selfless, you make me happy, and uhm…”

Erwin looks back up at him, and for once, Levi decides to look back. “If you would , I’d be honoured if you would have me, or… or let- or… if you’d like to take this- to take us a step further and… heh, God. I must sound like quite the moron.”

Maybe it’s Levi’s silence that makes Erwin nervous. Probably. And so he scoots in some, letting his hand caress the blonde’s stomach, his sides. “... Say it,” he manages to request.

“... Will you be my boyfriend? Officially?” 

He asks like a fucking child, as if they’re two schoolboys nervously coming to terms with their affection for one another, and Levi tries his hardest not to snort at the ridiculousness of it all. Because Erwin is clearly nervous, and Levi is too - he’s… scared, really, hands shaking slightly with anticipation, hopefulness, happiness. He nods, smiling. “Yeah. Shit, uh, I-I’d like that. A lot.” 

“Aww! He asked you and you got all flustered!”

"Fuck off," Levi snorts, exiting the Discord app to open his texts instead, the green line atop his phone letting him know the voice chat is still active, that Isa and Farlan can still hear him. The bus engine roars back to life, starts moving just as Levi sits down near the back of it.

He lets out a trembling breath - Erwin put him in a hat and a scarf before he left his flat, but the January cold is relentless. "So? What happened next?" Farlan asks. 

"Uh," Levi begins, looking around carefully before deciding none of the other passengers are close enough to hear him through the low rumble of the bus. "We… we went to his bedroom."

Farlan gasps overdramatically, drowned out by Isa’s protesting. "Wh- no, hey- question!" she yaps, Farlan’s chants of pre-marital sex being a sin a pretty backdrop. “Why do you guys always make the effort to go to his bedroom when you fuck? Couldn’t you just have done it on the sof- Farlan, shut the fuck up!” 

Levi can only be asked to half-listen - especially when a text from Erwin - Erwin, Erwin , his boyfriend , pings in.

Levi feels heat rise to his cheeks, pressing the notification excitedly.

'I wish I could take you home. I'm sorry you had to take the bus, especially tonight.'

Idiot. Stupid idiot. Cute, stupid, gigant idiot.

"/Levi,/ back me /up/ here!" Isa yaps and Levi hums absentmindedly as he writes out his response.

'i know u went to med school n all that but the bus isnt that bad'

'Is that so? Still, I wish you would have stayed over. I miss you already.'

“He has a /kid,/ Isa! Of course they don’t fuck in the living room!”

“Does the kid not sleep?” Isa counters.

'i miss u too

but your mini-me would have told his friends all abt mr.ackerman and daddy's sleepover, that'd be a bit shit

did u shower yet?'

'Not yet. I told you, you should have let me shower with you :-)'

'yeah? u woulda just fucked me again, then id need another shower'

'Exactly. All part of my evil plan to never let you leave!'

'gay'

“Not if Levi’s getting railed, no. Remember college? /Every/ time he brought someone home, he’d-”

“Alright, enough," Levi says flatly, suddenly reconnecting to the conversation. "You’re gross, don’t talk about that shit. And we did fuck on his sofa once, and in the kitchen." 

"Noooooo, not the /kitchen./ You’re so kinky, Levi, so silly," Isa says, and Farlan wheezes so hard his mic goes out for a sec.

They chat while Levi takes the bus. As he gets off, walks down the road, down the alleys, up the street to his mother’s apartment complex. Levi’s already half-tuned out Farlan’s enthusiastic rant about the new minecraft gaming channels on twitch, resorting to ‘mh’s and ‘ah’s and affirming responses. But as Levi steps up toward the apartment, Farlan’s rant fades out completely. As does the rest of the world. 

Because at the entrance, by Kuchel’s locked front door, stands a suitcase. And by that suitcase there’s a shadow, a tall and haunting and terrifyingly real shadow, familiar even before the flick of a lighter illuminates its wrinkly face in all its stoic glory.

Kenny Ackerman. 

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

From their very first date, it had been blatantly obvious that Erwin wanted to be a father.

And when he’d started wanting it bad, it had been blatantly obvious, too. 

“Erwin Ackerman-Smith, what in the ever-loving fuck are those?”

Levi stands frozen in the classroom doorway, mortified at the multi-strapped monstrosities secured around each of his husbands feet. 

"What?" 

Confused, Erwin halts his wiping of the blackboard, centuries’ worth of wars and kings and great tragedies merging with the dusty waters of the sponge in his hand. Levi, obviously, makes no effort not to stare, and so it only takes the blonde a few short seconds to trace his other half’s gaze. “Ah!” he smiles. “I knew you’d hate them, darling. They’re my new sandals!”

“Your new-” Levi furrows his brows, clearing his throat as he takes in the sight of his husband. God, fucking nerd. Erwin’s square glasses are riding high on his nose, shirt buttoned up to the collar, tucked neatly into his chequered gingham shirt. Trousers… sandals. It’s just like seeing that big, chubby geek from their high school film club, the one Levi had fallen in love with so many years ago. He’d been a transfer student back then. Him and Kenny had skipped towns a lot in those days, and Levi could only be fucking grateful Eldrich happened to be the place his uncle had stumbled upon Uri Reiss, his current partner. Kenny didn’t admit it, but it was obvious Uri had been the cherry on top of the tiny, seaside town they resided in, the determining factor convincing him Eldrich was worth settling for.

Levi had only needed to take one look at Erwin before deciding to join the film club. He knew dick about film, mind you, and had no intention to ever do so - just nodded and tried to look handsome while President Erwin had ranted on about Tarantino and Bergman and Kurosawa and the underlying themes of their masterpieces. 12 years had passed since then, and what had started as an innocent crush had turned into a five-year-long marriage.

The memory fades some of Levi’s initial shock about the damn sandals, and he snorts as he turns to lean the mop against the classroom wall. He makes his way over then, and Erwin needs no time to understand what’s about to happen, settling his sponge down to pull Levi in for a small, tender kiss.

"… Were the socks in the sandals really necessary?" Levi asks softly. He lets one hand drop from where they’ve been hugging Erwin’s neck, sliding it down to his chest to rub over the fabric of his shirt. 

"Hey now, fashionista," the blonde chuckles. "Mike has these. They’re great for  your back, apparently."

Levi hums, stopping his caress of Erwin’s chest to cup the man’s cheek instead. "You know what else is great for your back, babe? Going to bed when your husband tells you to, ‘stead of staying slumped over all your brats’ shitty essays.” 

“They’re not shitty,” Erwin frowned. “The kids are very talented.”

Levi chuckles. What a nerd. His nerd. He kisses him once more. “Finish up. Get your ass in gear, I’ll wait in the car.”

“Alright, dearest.”

The sandals had been the first warning sign. The second comes a month later, when they go grocery shopping.

Levi finds himself standing by the wine aisle, trying to decide between his usual Sauvignon Blanc and a slightly pricier Chardonnay when a series of loud, repetitive thuds tear him  from his pondering. Turning around, he sees none other than Erwin in his sandals, socks and cargo shorts, looking overly focused whilst slapping his palm flat against the surface of a watermelon.  Obviously perplexed, Levi cocks a brow, letting his subconscious settle for the Chardonnay before he makes his way over, confused.

"Erwin."

"Mm?"

Erwin’s eyebrows are furrowed, mind apparently too preoccupied with his watermelons to pay Levi any attention.

"What the fuck are you doing?" 

"Hm? I was thinking we could have some watermelon with our breakfast tomorrow."

"And… what does that have to do with you beating the shit outta them?"

Giving one of the melons a final, decisive slap, Erwin picks it up with a pleaded smile. "That’s how you check whether they’re good, sweetheart. Did you get your wine?"

Confused, Levi simply stares at him for a few, long moments. "… Uh-huh," he hums, an affirmative.

"Great. C’mon then."

Levi watches as the blonde places the watermelon in their cart, as he turns to  grab his hand so they can continue their shopping.

"You’re such an old man," he mumbles, ignoring the fact that what his husband had been doing is, in fact, not related to being very old at all, but rather relating to an entirely different category of people - one of which Erwin does not belong to. Still, he shakes the thought, returning his focus to their shopping list instead. Half an hour later, every item on the list in question has been added to their cart. And Levi’s fucking exhausted, excited for them to make their way toward the tills. There’s  only one remaining item they’re yet to get - some new socks for Erwin.

They make their way over to the small clothes-section of the shop, the shorter of the two absentmindedly leaning over their cart while his husband grabs his socks.

Or, that was what Levi thinks Erwin is doing anyway.

"Babe! Lee, look!"

In fairness, Erwin has found a pair of socks. But they’d only be big enough to hold the man’s big toe, if he’s lucky, because his husband’s found a pair of light blue baby socks. 

"Look how tiny," he smiles, making his way over with great enthusiasm. "Aren’t they adorable? They’ve got a whole section over there, hats and shoes and onesies and all that."

He chuckles, and Levi watches him, slightly discomforted. Because the way Erwin’s looking at these fucking… socks is so… soft, so warm, so incredibly /fond,/ as if he’s actually considering buying them, or… or even anticipating someone he could give them to. Nanaba’s pregnant, that was… maybe that’s it. Yeah, that has to be it - they’ve just received an invitation to her and Miche’s baby shower, surely that’s why Erwin’s picked these up, not because-

"Mr. Smith! Hi! Oh, Mr. Ackerman too!"

Levi’s spiralling is interrupted, and he looks up to see none other than fucking Kirschtein and Bodt. In their small town, it’s not rare to run into students outside school hours, but still, Levi never gets used to it. These two clowns-

No. That’s unfair, actually. Bodt’s a sweet kid, really – tells Levi ‘good morning’ and ‘goodbye’ each time he sees him. Keeps his grades up and pays attention in class, as far as he’s heard from Erwin. The other one, however? 

Jean Kirschtein is pathetic. Bad manners, arrogance, everything Levi detests in a student. Most of it’s clearly an act, too, which only makes it worse. He caught the kid smoking behind school once, but he’d been coughing badly and nearly cried the second he’d spotted Levi back – pathetic enough that he’d let him off the hook, just this once. 

"Why, hello! Jean, Marco, how is it going?" Erwin smiles, the random run-in a seemingly pleasant surprise. Bodt smiles brightly, dimples running deep at either side of his mouth. “Good!” he says.

“‘Sup,” Kirschtein says, and fuck, you can’t blame a kid for trying, really. Still, it’s difficult to hold back an eye-roll.

“Levi and I are doing some shopping for the weekend. Stopped by here for some extra socks, as he says my other ones smell.”

“They do,” Levi adds flatly, still leaned over the cart. That makes Bodt laugh a little, Kirschtein cracks a smile. “Sir, I don’t mean to like… burst your bubble, but like… your feet aren’t that small,” the taller kid snorts, pointing to the baby socks in Erwin’s hand. Erwin lets out a hearty laugh.

“Thank you, Jean. I am aware.” 

"Wh-" Bodt begins. "I didn’t know you two had children, Sir."

Levi freezes where he stands, staring at the jar of pickles in his cart as he waits for Erwin’s response. 

"We don’t," his husband chuckles. "Not yet."

And there it is. The answer Levi’s been waiting for. Not yet. They don’t have children… yet. Meaning Erwin’s clearly hoping, or expecting, that there will be children, that they’ll have them some day. 

They’ve never talked about it. Levi has always been too uncomfortable to bring it up himself, and Erwin seems too… assuming, perhaps, to do so.

But the honest truth of the matter is that Levi doesn't want children. He just doesn’t .

Kids are loud and dirty and really fucking costly, not to mention the fact that Erwin and him don’t exactly have the facilities necessary to make any.

And fuck, even if none of that were true, a good kid requires good parents, and although their hypothetical, scientifically miraculous baby would have one good father, the other would be… well. Far from perfect, let's just say. Levi hasn’t exactly had the most conventional of childhoods, a fact which seems blatantly obvious to most.

He’s crude, blunt, rough around the edges. The constant moves and his uncle’s less than honourable way to make a living has turned him sour, it feels like, and with very few  exceptions, Levi had gone through life being avoided by most.

As a child, other kids’ parents wouldn’t let them play with him, as a teenager he was labelled a troublemaker before they’d even met him. He’d desperately tried to mould himself to be more desirable as a friend back then, but now, Levi won’t bend for anyone.

And with a child, that simply isn’t an option.

And if Erwin realises that, if Erwin found out he can’t , what will come of their relationship? Kids are an important fucking step in life to those who want them, so will Levi’s refusal to take that leap be a dealbreaker in their marriage? Would Erwin leave him, find someone else to have children with? It’s not like he doesn’t have options. He has an ex who even now won’t stop eyeing him at every damn gathering they happen to meet at, and there isn’t a fucking doubt in Levi’s mind she’d pop a few kids out to have Erwin back.

And just like that, as Levi’s thoughts spiral, he begins to feel… off. A discomfort settles in his stomach that day, strange and heavy, and no matter what, it will. Not. Leave. 

"It’s a girl!"

The room booms with laughter and cheers, and Levi watches absentmindedly as Miche leans down to kiss a teary-eyed Nanaba, pink petals of confetti raining down on them. It’s a good day for a good celebration, and despite the lingering heaviness from before, Levi still can’t help but be happy. 

Once the happy couple’s parents have snapped their pictures, Miche pulls Levi and Erwin in for a one, too. It doesn’t strike Levi as strange, not yet – Erwin and Miche have been best friends since they were kids, Nanaba and Levi joining their little gang in high school. But when people calm back down, resuming their mingling and pouring of wine, Nanaba pulls the three of them off for a private conversation. At first, Levi thinks it for old times sake – a group cheers, perhaps, or a need for a break from the crowd. But it soon becomes evident that Miche is in on this, too.

"’Win, Levi, I uhm… you know me and Nan love you," he starts off, hand firm in Nanaba’s own. "We all go way back, and… hah, hell, I don’t even think Nan and I would be together had it not been for Levi pushing us out of the film club office to flirt with Erwin."

Erwin chuckles at the memory, squeezing Levi’s hand a little tighter before Miche continues.

"So, uhm… well, we’ve been thinking- oh, Nan."

"Sorry," Nanaba sniffles, wiping her eye with the ends of her sleeve.

"Aw, Nan…"

"Sorry. It’s a big day for me, s’all," she trembles, smiling softly when her partner leans in to kiss her cheek. 

"It is," Levi agrees, offering her a small smile. "No one’s fuckin’ blaming you. Big guy here was crying like a fuckin’ baby when you popped the confetti."

Erwin nods in agreement, and Nanaba lets out a small scoff. "What we’re trying to say is… You guys are our best friends. We’d be honoured if you would be the baby’s god-parents.” 

They accept, of course. Erwin is teary eyed and sniffling, and Levi hugs Nanaba close as he squeezes his eyes shut in an attempt to not cry, himself. A short while later they rejoin the party, and while Levi keeps a far-too sober Nanaba company, Erwin indulges in what would turn out to be a bit /too/ much wine.

"We- we’re dads."

"God-parents," Levi corrects, groaning as he helps his stumbling husband up the stairs of their home.

"Still par-" A hiccup. "St- still parents."

Levi snorts as they make their way up the final few steps, pushing Erwin in the direction of the bathroom so he’ll brush his teeth, clean his face. Once that’s all done (violent hiccups throughout), they head for the bedroom, and Erwin stumbles clumsily as he tears his (new) socks off, tossing them in the general direction of their laundry basket. Levi rolls his eyes and picks them up, of course, an eye kept on his stumbling husband as the blonde shimmies out of his remaining clothes. Thankfully, he collapses on the bed like a pile of bricks the next second.

"L-Lehv- mm…"

"C’mon, big guy. Feet up, I gotta put the comforter over you."

"Mmh… baby. Baby, kiss me."

At the request, Levi rolls his eyes. But he’s pleased to see Erwin do as he’s told despite his pleading, his rosy lips puckered up into a longing (and pathetic) kissy mouth. He looks like an idiot. A stupid, cute idiot. How could Levi not oblige when he’s sat there, looking all fucking fucking moronic like that? Besides – his husband’s just brushed his teeth, after all, and Levi plants a small peck on Erwin’s lips as he sits back at his bedside. "Hm?" he smiles. "I’ll get you some water." 

"N-no, no don’t… don’t want- wah-ter," his husband slurs.

Levi snorts. "You’ll feel like shit in the morning, babe."

"Dohn… dohn…t want water. Want… mh. I wanna- I want a baby."

At that, Levi freezes. Perhaps he’d known it was coming, just hoped he wouldn’t, but now it /is,/ this dreaded fucking talk, and though Levi has no intention of having it /now,/ when his husband is /this/ fucked, the discomfort in his stomach feels heavier than ever.  “With y-you, I wanna-mm. Wanna baby with you. S’bad.”

“... You’re drunk," Levi mumbles. He tucks the comforter back around Erwin’s chest.

“Only wh- drunk and… th’means it’s the truth!” the blonde exclaims eloquently. Wise words. It makes Levi roll his eyes.

“Lay down,” he says. “I’ll come up with some water."

Erwin lets out a series of unintelligible, drunken slurs in response, and Levi can’t be asked to decipher them. He gets up. Tries to think as little as possible as he fills a tall glass with water, tries to avoid conversation as he goes back up to their bedroom. “There,” is all he mumbles, voice gentle as he lays his hand over his husband’s back, makes sure he drinks some. Erwin does. And as he sinks back against the pillows, he mumbles one more, almost unintelligible mutter: "I lovh y…ou.” 

Levi says nothing. Gets up, walks out to lay on the sofa instead.

He doesn’t sleep that night. 

“You didn’t say it back."

The beginnings of what’s sure to become a great summer's day has begun to sneak its sunshine through the blinds of their living room, and when Levi turns, Erwin is standing sheepishly in the doorway.  He’s careful as he makes his way towards him, timid almost. Levi almost feels bad – Erwin’s learned he has to be this way when he’s in an unpredictable mood. "… Did I upset you?" 

Erwin sits down next to him, mindful to keep his hands to himself. Levi isn’t sure what to say. The answer is yes, but also no – because this isn’t Erwin’s fault, not really, but it isn’t quite Levi’s either and… and all he does is shrug. He’s not sure how much Erwin does remember. But this seems like it’s it, that today is the day is has to happen – a long awaited talk about their future and their aspirations and all the other shit Levi’s laid dreading for the majority of the night. "… Hm?” Erwin hums, quietly. The silence between it and his next words feels deafening in volume. "If I said something to make you feel… uncomfortable, or anything like that, darling, I-"

"I can’t have kids with you." 

The beginnings of what surely would have been a gentle and sweet reassurance is promptly stopped when Levi speaks. He doesn’t want to look at his husband where he’s sat, and so Levi’s eyes are fixated on his hands instead, thumb scratching nervously at his other’s fingernail. Silence, unbearable silence, fills the room once more.
Erwin’s always been an outspoken man. Loud, even, but fuck, his silence is even louder, and it makes Levi tense and scared as he waits for a response. It’s an eternity and a half, and… and fuck, it’s been too long for a response to feel natural now, and… and what the fuck is he meant to say? Is he… is Erwin not gonna say anything? Is… 

"… I’m… I’m not cut out for that shit. I… I ain’t patient enough, and… kids are fuckin’…"

Levi pauses. He takes a deep breath as he shuts his eyes. Wants to plan his words, to sound coherent enough to sound reasonable, understanding, but fear is taking over, and Erwin isn’t saying anything, and… "Fuck, Erwin, I… it was scary enough saying yes to be a god-parent, I… how could I ever fuckin’…

Erwin isn’t saying anything. Why isn’t he saying anything? 

Shouldn’t he be trying to convince him, tell Levi it's okay, that they’ll work it out? Shouldn’t this be a conversation not easily had? Fuck, Levi has made his point already - it’s out there - all that’s left is to argue about it, which was the part he’s been dreading. What the fuck is taking so long?

"Kids… kids are fuckin… they’re expensive and… and they’re loud and I know I should have told you I didn’t want them before, Erwin, I just-"

In the corner of his eye, Erwin shifts ever slightly, and without even thinking of it Levi looks up. To his surprise, though, it isn’t to shift closer. No, Erwin’s getting up. And wordlessly, without so much as a gaze in Levi’s direction he simply… leaves. He disappears down the hallway, out of sight.

"E-Erwin?" Levi manages, getting up on shaky legs as he follows the sound of a zipper, the soft thud of shoes and- and… and the opening of a door, and…

"Erwin! E-Erwin, wait, I-"

The front door slams shut. And just like that, Erwin is gone.

An hour later, Levi is pacing.

It had started with cleaning - dusting the shelves that held Erwin’s many books, the cabinets, the dresser in the hallway, a desperate attempt to distract himself from the unbearable feeling of guilt that had been rapidly growing within him. But despite his best attempts it had been impossible to get rid of. Levi had palmed at his eyes, at his sweaty forehead as he ripped the various items of their bathroom cupboard to clean it thoroughly, mind racing with unstoppable thoughts and worries. 

Erwin left.

He’d walked out the door and he’d fucking let, something he’d never fucking done before, not once. Erwin had left, left because of what Levi only now was realising was a massive dealbreaker, a disappointment, and not just a regular one. No, this was a life-changing thing – one that had shifted the path Erwin had seen his life taking. And he’d left, left without a word, without expressing anger or sadness, he’d left Levi alone with his thoughts, left him to assume what would become of their relationship, of their marriage, and… and… and fuck, Erwin had left! He’d fucking left! And as Levi slides his washcloth over the already clean surfaces of their cabinet for the tenth, fifteenth, twentieth time, he becomes increasingly convinced that his husband’s left for good.

“ Fuck!” 

It comes out as a whimper, a horribly pathetic one, and Levi runs his wet fingers through his hair as he squeezes his eyes shut, palming and fisting at the black strands till it hurts, a futile attempt to ground himself.

With their soaps, toothbrushes, toothpaste and various other toiletries still scattered over the sink, he throws the cloth onto the marble surface. It knocks Erwin’s cologne over, and that’s the breaking point. Levi’s skin is crawling at this point, itching and twitching uncomfortably, and in yet another try to break from everything he stomps out, overwhelmed, bathroom left messier than it had been before.

Maybe it’ll help to clear up somewhere else. Shit, yeah, the bathroom is small, maybe the chemicals of his cleaning supplies got to him too quick since he’d shut the door, maybe he just needs some air. He could clean the kitchen. The living room, maybe, their bedroom. Clean somewhere with open windows or - or at least in an open space, or… yeah - yeah, that’ll be what he needs. It will.  With a trembling hands, Levi makes his way downstairs in a mindless haze, distantly deciding on the living room.

His phone is in there, and he reaches for it without even thinking of it – the crawling uneasiness within him momentarily turning to disappointment as he sees that still, even now, Erwin hasn’t texted him back. He scrolls up, looks at the last text his husband had sent him, two days ago.

Alright, honey. I’ll be right out. I love you! 

‘hurry’ Levi had replied. It seems like such an asshole thing to say in hindsight. Because fuck, Levi would give anything to have Erwin text him like that now. A dumb history fact or a pointless, cheesy message, it doesn’t matter, so long as he’d call him honey, or dearest or beautiful just one more time, just one more fucking time. 

THURSDAY, 15:28

shithead<3 (15:28): Alright, honey. I’ll be right out. I love you!

 

Me (15:29): hurry

TODAY, 07:49

Me (07:49) : erwin where did u go

 

Me (08:01): please come back. im sorry

 

Me (08:09): can you please pick up at least? 

 

Me (08:17): pick up the fucking phone, stop being an asshole.

 

Me (08:19): erwin i know youre angry but you could at least fucking reassure me youre okay 

 

Me (08:23): why would you fucking leave like that? we could have fucking talked abt it but u chose to walk out like a fucking dick and now u cant even take the time to tell me ur ok?

 

Me (08:24): whatever. fucking asshole

 

Me (08:58): erwy please come home

 

Me (9:04): i miss you

 

Rereading the absolute rollercoaster of messages he’s sent doesn’t help. Fuck, he comes across as insane, and granted, Levi does feel insane too, but he doubts Erwin would want to deal with that right now. Still. He just wants his husband to come back, even if it means an hour of screaming at each other. Even if it means having to work through a difficult conversation, or his husband sitting angry in another room. It doesn’t fucking matter, so long as he comes back, so long as he’s okay, at least a little bit just… just not out doing fuck-knows-what on his own.

Not that Erwin can’t handle himself. He can, definitely, it’s just… well, the uncertainty of it all. They’ve had plenty of arguments before, some big, some small, but every time, without fail, Erwin always, always, made sure their line of communication is open and that he’s willing to fix things, that he’d be there whenever Levi was ready. Except for today.

Mindlessly, Levi pulls on the covers of the sofa cushions. He washed them a few days prior, but he decides they’re due for a thorough cleaning once more now – he needs a damn distraction.

He kneels down by the sofa, tries to focus. Tries to count each zig-zag trace of their zippers, to focus on the lingering scent of detergent, on how the fabric feels under the touch of his fingers, but still, no matter what, his mind falls back to that spiralling panic. To overthinking. Because surely, that’s what this is. Right? Overthinking.

Surely Erwin had just gone over to Muche and Nanaba’s to vent his frustrations. Maybe to his father, or one of his coworkers, or…

Or…

Or… what if he’s gone to Nile?

Nile Dok, who Erwin always introduces as “his friend,” because it sounds better than “my ex girlfriend’s husband?” What if he’s gone to them? To Marie? Marie, who bats her pretty lashes and tucks her blonde hair behind her ear each time Erwin speaks. Who laughs too loudly at his stupid fucking jokes, who had refused to speak with Erwin for a month after hearing about him and Levi’s engagement? What if she’s Erwin’s shoulder to cry on? What if she decides this is her chance, offering Erwin something Levi can’t provide, or,  or… or, what if… what if they’re fucking right fucking now? No- no. No. What the fuck? Erwin wouldn’t do that. Of course he wouldn’t. Besides, Marie’s fucking married. Perhaps not happily, but married nonetheless and… and… but what if she decides Erwin is worth infidelity? What if she’s holding him in her arms right now, whispering promises of-

Bzz . 

Torn from his reverie, Levi flinches at the sound of his phone. It takes him a split second to react, to be filled with hope, because… because is Erwin calling? With a hurried leap, Levi throws the cushions aside, stumbling over to his phone to see, to pick up, feeling himself tear up at the thought of his husband’s voice, to hear him say he loves him, to hear him reassure him he’s coming back, that they’ll talk and… 

And the person calling isn’t Erwin.

It’s Uri.

Fuck. Levi texted his uncle’s partner about the whole godfather-thing, he’d completely fucking forgot. That had been before all of this shit had gone down, of course, when he’d felt like he could take on an inevitable phone call from his uncle’s better half. But now? Now that Levi’s on the verge of tears, about to fucking lose it? Probably not.  Realisation hits as his thumb nears the decline-button, though – what if Erwin had called Uri to tell him he was alright?

Erwin’s clearly not in the mood to chat, but maybe he’s made the effort to contact Levi’s step-uncle instead. Yes. Yes, that’s plausible. With that possibility in mind, Levi brings the phone up to his ear, immediately regretting it once he hears his own voice.

“H-h-hello?”

“Levi?” Uri replies. “Hello?”

“... H-hello?” 

“Hello!” his uncle beams finally, sounding as chipper as always. Levi’s heart sinks. “I just saw your text-message, how exciting, Levi! God-parents, wow. What an honour.”

If Erwin /had/ texted Uri, his uncle surely wouldn’t have brought up the god-father thing as an opener. And so… there is no message, no update on his husband’s whereabouts, about what he’s doing.

And with that, Levi breaks. 

With his face in his hand, he squeezes his eyes shut, desperately trying to still his trembling lip, to hold back the tears about to break from the cusp of his lids, unsuccessful when the only reply he manages to offer is a long, tense silence, followed by a hiccup.

“...L-Levi? Wh-... Are you alright?” 

“S-shit. Shit, I-” Levi begins, desperately trying to stifle his sniffling as a stream of warm tears comes running down his cheeks. “Yeah. Sorry, yeah, I… I’m fuckin’ fine, just...” 

For a few seconds, there’s only silence on the other end of the line. Then, the faint sound of shuffling fabric, a croaky, distant mumble of Uri’s name Levi can only assume is his uncle Kenny, a fact which makes all of this infinitely more uncomfortable. 

Hiding his upset to Uri is already difficult and unpleasant enough - the last fucking thing Levi needs at this point is his biological uncle chipping in - offering up helpful comments such as ‘be a man about it’ or ‘pull yourself together.’

“Levi, are you crying?”

Quietly, Levi presses the flat of his palm to his eyes, hard and flat till he sees little specks of light. “No,” he manages. “N-no, is… this is just a shit time. I-I’ll fuckin’... I’ll call you back.”

"L-Levi wait, don’t hang u-"

With the press of the call button Uri’s words are cut off, and silence fills the room once more. No more uncles, no more husband, no voices, only Levi and the quiet and the cushions around him.

And only then does he allow himself to break fully. He’s sobbing and shivering with his face in his hands, tears staining the covers of the pillows. Thoughts of Erwin with Marie turn into comparisons between her and himself, how they differ in looks, in personality, in futures. How fucking lovely that woman really is, and how Levi is the opposite - a crude, cold shell of a human, who swearing and cussing people out. Who’s too angry and too horrible to raise a child, who would let that affect his husband rather than just… changing it, working on his attitude. One who would tell his husband ‘hurry’ rather ‘i love you too.’

Thinking back on it all, just how fucking shitty Levi really /has/ been acting, it isn’t that difficult to see why the other parents in Levi’s many high schools, middle schools and primary schools wouldn’t let their children near him. He’s always assumed it was out of prejudice, but fuck, maybe they’d seen something Levi hadn’t. He hasn’t been self-aware enough to see just how … poisonous he truly was, not until now and…

And is there even anything truly good about him at all? Anything? 

The thought is a terrifying one, one that sends Levi spiralling even further. Because if there /isn’t/ anything good about him, then… then what the fuck is he sat here crying for? How the fuck does he, the one who had started all of this, dare to sit sobbing with self-pity? 

When /Erwin/ is the one who’s hurt, /Erwin/ is the one who has to put up with him, /Erwin/ is the one who-

"Levi? Erwin?"

Wh-

Levi sits up from where he’s slumped over and sobbing. He does so a bit too quickly apparently, because his vision instantly goes hazy as blood rushes to his head, cutting off his train of thought.

"Hello? Are you two- Levi!"

The frail figure before him grows gradually more visible as Levi regains his footing, hands planted firmly on either side of him. It’s his step-uncle, he realises, crouching down in front of him.

Uri’s brows are knit together in pure concern, and Levi can’t fucking blame him - he can already feel how puffy the crying has made his face, his lids and his cheeks, and he probably looks a mess - hazy-eyed, blood-shot skin with tears running down them, not to mention that he’s sat in the midst of an uncharacteristic mess /by himself,/ Erwin nowhere in sight.

"Levi, what…Levi, what’s happening?" Uri asks gently, groaning ever slightly as he sits by him. "Where’s Erwin? Wh-"

"I-is Kenny here?" is all Levi manages, voice still croaky and trembling. "I-I can’t fuckin’- I… I don’t want-"

"I know," Uri says carefully. And there was no doubt in Levi’s mind he does fucking 

know, because Uri always somehow does. In high school, Levi had decided the man was a fucking psychic based on how well he seemed to read people. His uncle and him had never really been used to people taking their time with them – the Ackerman exterior was far too harsh to stick around, and so no one had ever really bothered. But Uri had understood them both immediately, somehow. Understood their odd relationship, despite how complicated Levi had always felt it was, understood how to calm them both down, how to get them to open up. 

Levi had felt truly alone at that point in his life. He hadn’t had many friends, and it wasn’t like he could openly talk to his uncle about anything - it just wasn’t the sort of relationship they shared. So when Uri entered their lives, encouraged Levi to talk about his difficulties, whether it be about his loneliness, the way people seemed to misunderstand him, his (‘unhealthy,’ Uri had said) coping mechanisms, it had been… an unfamiliar thing, something Levi had been convinced was a trick of some sort, simply because of how … well, selfless, it seemed.

Years have passed since then, though, and just as Uri has grown to known him, Levi knows Uri, too. The man is keen to listen, to help, and although he knows there’s no downside to it now, it’s still difficult to just… speak to him. 

"No, he’s not," Uri reassures. His wrinkly hands are laid carefully in his own lap, brows knit together in evident concern. “It’s just me. I… will you tell me- or… wh- how did we end up here, Levi? What’s happened?”

Levi raises a hand to palm at his still wet eyes, a weak attempt to hide his upset, as if that’s stil an option. He says nothing, not yet. Doesn’t feel ready for it. 

"Kenny is concerned. We both were, after the call, we… well, something was clearly wrong," Uri continues. "I tried Erwin’s cellphone, but he isn’t picking up. Did you… have an argument, perhaps?"

And just like that, Levi broke down once more. 

"A-and he- he was slappin’ this-this watermelon! And then- hh, hhh and it was-"

"Mhm?"

"-so fuckin’ weird- hh a-and he’s been actin’ all fu-fuckin cheesy and… and h-he found these socks and kept sayin’ like… like how cute they were and … and then at Nan’s babyshower he said… s-said he wanted a baby, and I-I got uncomfortable and I slept on the sofa, hhh, s-so so… so he came down the next d-day t-to see if he’— hhh… hhh.."

"Levi, deep breaths."

"A-and I j-just blurted I didn’t want- want kids, and he fuckin’ left! And-"

"Alright. Alright, h-" 

"-I fuckin- I can’t ! I- he’s gonna leave me, h-he-”

"Levi. Take a deep breath."

Levi hitches desperately where he’s sat, now absolutely frantic in a way he’ll certainly regret by tomorrow, but fuck, he can’t help it. It’s just all too much at once, far too much – he’d started by explaining that Erwin had left, it was supposed to be a short and concise explanation. But the second he’d opened his mouth he’d been unable to shut up. Still, he desperately tries to do as his step-uncle instructs now, clinging to a nearby cushion as he takes a few, shaky breaths. 

"… Levi. Erwin has not left you. Think about this rationally for a second, alright? I’ll help."

Levi sniffles pathetically where he’s sat, nodding silently as he tries to collect himself.

"He’s a rational man. If he were going to leave you, which I am certain he will not, he would not have done it like this. He most likely needed time to think things over, some distance, just like you do at times."

"But… he never fuckin’ needs distance," Levi mutters. "He’s always the one wanting to talk shit out, and… fuckin’… this is clearly a dealbreaker."  Uri sighs, still on the floor right by him. He shakes his head.

"Erwin did not marry you because of the children he thought you’d have," he says carefully. "He married you because he loves you, that much is evident. Why do you think your uncle Kenny approved of him?" 

Through his seemingly endless tears, hitching and sniffling, Levi can’t help but let out a small huff of laughter. Not because Uri’s wrong or anything, but because of how serious he is, as if his and Erwin’s marriage had been something for fucking Kenny to approve of or bless or whatever the fuck people did 150 years ago. His step-uncle’s point does stand, though. Kenny does approve of his husband, despite his initial scepticism. And that is significant, Levi can’t deny that. It means meeting a myriad of unattainable expectations, and honestly, even though Levi’s never given much of a shit of what Kenny thinks of his boyfriends, it had meant quite a lot when Erwin’s first meeting with his uncles had ended in… well, his husband not being scared off. All of that aside, Uri’s words do manage to ground him somewhat. Erwin /didn’t/ marry him for their children, that is true. It still makes an impact of course, but… seeing Uri this calm about it all, this collected and… not… angry feels grounding. Helpful. But Levi’s calmness is short-lived. Because in the very next second, there’s a click of the door. The front door.

Levi’s eyes widen, and Uri’s head turns quickly to peer out into the hallway.

"… Hello? Levi?" 

Tears well back up into Levi’s eyes as he hears his husband’s voice, soft and gentle and welcoming and… and he needs to hug him. Needs to tell him he’s sorry, that he’ll make it right, and- and…

Uri is beating him to it. Before Levi can so much as move, the old man is on his feet, marching straight towards the hallway in threatening vigour, the sound of his wool-slippers slapping against the hard-wood floors fading gradually. And at first, Levi thinks Uri is going to leave so they can have a moment alone. But… then he hears him speak. And Levi’s eyes widen. Because Uri’s fucking furious.

"You have a lot of gosh darn nerve, you know that?”

"U-Uri? What are-"

"Don’t you take that tone with me! Leaving Levi all to himself, not answering a single one of his text-messages? Knowing he gets the way he gets? That is not how you treat family, and it is certainly not how you treat a spouse!"

"Sir, I-" 

‘Sir?’ Erwin must be fucking horrified. And Levi can’t blame him. He hasn’t even managed to stand up yet, caught up listening to his uncle’s sudden change of attitude. He’s never heard Uri speak to somebody like this, not even Kenny, not once. Because this isn’t just a slap on the wrist to make a point – Uri sounds genuinely upset with Erwin’s behaviour, and although Levi should probably step in, he finds himself too surprised to do so.

"Do you have any idea how upset he was when I came over!? How anxious he’s been!? Not just for your safety, but for the future of your marriage! You’ve been gone for hours! Not a word!"

Levi stands up carefully as he listens, sheepish as he makes his way over to the hallway.

"… Sir, Uri, I- I know. Is he here? I’d like to explain myself to him properly, not through-"

"No, Erwin, I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation! I know it can be difficult to be patient, I married an Ackerman as well. And you have every right in the world to demand some room to think. What you have no right to do- what no husband has a right to do, is to purposefully leave your spouse thinking you’re going to leave them for good, or god forbid , that you’re not safe."

"I understand , I was-"

"No, Erwin! You caused your husband to have a serious breakdown today. He’s my nephew , I darn near raised the boy, I know his bluntness can be a lot. But you know just as well as I do that Levi or Kenny stomping off in protest doesn’t hold an ounce of the same meaning of either of us doing the same.”

"… Uncle Uri." 

Levi’s voice is soft and croaky as he leans against the hallway wall, gaze sheepishly fixated on his own hands. "… I’ve got it."

"…Levi." Erwin’s voice is trembling at this point, maybe from the sight of him, maybe from Uri’s rather intense yelling, he didn’t know. Probably both. "L-Levi, oh…" Silence takes over for a few short moments. And then Uri approaches again, hand squeezing gently at Levi’s shoulder. “I’m leaving you two to talk. You call me after. Okay?”

"Mhm."

"… Good."

He gives Levi a short hug before he walks down the hallway once more, the silence awkward as he fumbles with his shoes, his jacket. "You’re very lucky Kenny isn’t here, Erwin," Uri says finally, sternly, a comment which feels just ominous enough that it would have been funny in any other scenario. 

The sound of the door slamming shut reverberates through the house, feeling endless in its impact despite only lasting a few short moments. And immediately, Erwin’s at Levi’s side. He stands next to him, only a few feet off, just as Levi had wanted, but now that he has him he feels frozen, uncertain. It occurs to him that Uri was right - that he had been overthinking, Erwin walking out was uncharacteristic and certainly not thoughtful, but still, Levi can’t help but feel bad.

He can’t bring himself to look at him now, the guilt still lingering in his chest, and for a moment,  cross-armed and averting, all Levi does is stand. Relishes in the tension, in the horribleness of it all. He knows he looks a mess - he’d been crying pathetically right before Erwin walked in, and there’s no doubt in his mind that it shows.  Erwin’s not saying anything either, and Levi dreads to look at him. He imagines him concerned, or maybe angry, thick brows knit together where he stands. He has no doubt he’s looking at him though, sad or not, Erwin’s never shied away from such. 

And no matter what’s going through the blonde’s head, whether it’s guilt from walking off, anger from earlier or sheepishness from having had Uri hand his ass to him, there’s no question that Erwin is disappointed.  Feeling uncomfortable and awkward, Levi simply turns, arms still crossed as he makes his way towards the living room. They’ll have to talk, now, he knows that much, Erwin does too. But he enters and the living room is a mess - pillows scattered over the floors, their cases hanging off the sofa. Levi’s phone is thrown half-off the carpet, dust rags and detergent standing by their dining table, and the mess ignites a new sort of stress right on top of the clusterfuck of emotions already going off within  him.

“... Oh, Levi.”

Erwin’s voice is soft behind him, and from it alone, Levi knows he understands. That he realises just what Levi’s been up to while he’s been gone, that he’s been trying to cope - it’s so utterly evident from their fucking /living room/ alone, and shit, -  it makes Levi feel pathetic and dramatic all at once. The vulnerability he shows through the state of a fucking room is just too much for him to handle, and he feels naked, exposed.  It’s the sort of thing your partner, your fucking husband, is /meant/ to see - Erwin is /supposed/ to know him, Levi knows that, but the urge to push away is still there, and it’s unbelievably tempting. He tightens his hold on his upper arms as he tenses, digging his fingernails  into the pale skin there, still not turning to look his husband in his eye. It’s too much, far too much, and Levi /knows/ it’ll send him off the edge and that he’ll start sobbing again like a fucking child,  and he /won’t/ have that, he /can’t/ have that, he-

“... C… can I touch you? Sweetheart? It’s okay if you need distance.”

Levi swallows to coat his dry throat. On one hand, all he wants in this moment is to be left alone, to his own vulnerability - for Erwin to understand that  he doesn’t want to communicate, to let him push him away. But… but the need for comfort is there too, it’s a contrasting force crawling, screaming from within him, battling his need to shy away, and Levi squeezes his eyes shut. Eventually, he nods.  When Erwin wraps his arms around him, it doesn’t provide the same comfort it normally does. Levi doesn’t feel himself relax like he does when his husband pulls him in in sleep, when he hugs him from behind in the kitchen, when he kisses him after work.  No, Levi feels… even more tense than he did before. He feels overwhelmed, overstimulated, and he’s stiff in Erwin’s arms as the blonde rests his forehead against his shoulder, as he strokes his hands over Levi’s arms. 

“You’re such a fucking asshole,” he manages, not confident enough to produce anything else but a whisper. “Y-you’re such- you…”

“I’m sorry,” Erwin whispers. “I know, honey, I’m… I’m so, so sorry.”

“Y-you /left!/ You didn’t… didn’t even wanna talk about it, you just-” 

Levi is interrupted by his own, breathless sob, and like a tap unscrewed he breaks again, sobbing and shaking as he feels his legs give in beneath him, his knees buckling. He sinks to the floor, and Erwin sinks right with him, his arms loosening carefully.  He must sense Levi’s discomfort, he thinks, must feel how the embrace is more a trap than it is a comfort, and he drops his arms down to his sides. Levi’s hands remain where they are, crossed, fingernails barring into the skin of his arms. Erwin must notice, because one big hand remains clutched over Levi’s smaller one, pulling carefully as if to discourage.

He stays quiet like that, lets Levi take what he needs, lets him shake, sob, desperately try to stifle the pathetic sounds that are tearing from his throat for several long moments, for as long as it takes him to get a proper grasp.

"I-I just- I wanted to talk," Levi trembles, tearing his hand from Erwin's own. "I- for f-for /once,/ I w-was gonna... talk with y-you, t-talk shit out like you /always/ s-say we should, and-" 

Desperately, Levi clutches at his own hair, pulls at it as if to ground himself, because he sounds so fucking /pathetic,/ so /hurt/ and stupid, and he /is,/ he is all those things, but he doesn’t want that to show, he can’t have that show, he just… 

“I-I’m sorry,” he sobs then. “I-I sh-shoulda fuckin t-told you I d-didn’t want- didn’t want them I- I shoulda said it b-before we got married, I- hhh, I… I just t-thought we’d f-figure shit out together, that- that we…” 

Interrupting himself once again, Levi lets out a trembling sigh. He reaches up to wipe his eyes once more, dragging the sleeves of his shirt across them. He doesn’t want to talk anymore, he’s done enough talking. “... I didn’t want you to leave me,” he concludes. 

The silence, albeit short-lived, is near unbearable. It feels as if he’s ripped his beating heart out of his chest, presented it to his husband, the man who’s meant to know him more than anybody, and awaiting his judgement, because that’s what this /is./  Unless Erwin turns to leave again. In which case the pieces Levi’s broken into will shatter even further. But Erwin’s thumb is warm against his skin, drawing meaningless little patterns there, movements soft, gentle. “... You have nothing to be sorry for, Levi,” he says. 

“So please don’t… don’t say that. Alright? I…we’ll always figure things out together, that’s what we’ve always done, it-”

“B-but- but you left!” Levi says, voice softening the second he realises just how sharp his tone had been. 

“Y-you… you didn’t w-wanna figure this out together, you… you… hh.”

“... Dearest, hey. We-”

“Don’t call me that,” Levi manages, his hands tightening where they’re clutching at his head. “D-don’t- you don’t get to- to just come back and… and call me all that shit and- and  think this is over, I- why-”

“... No, no. Hey,” Erwin whispers. “Levi, hey. You’re right, I’m sorry. I’d like to explain myself to you, if you’ll let me. But please, darli- Levi, don’t… don’t do that,” he continues, careful as he places his hands back over Levi’s own.  He pulls at them gently, an encouragement for the shorter man to loosen the grip of his own hair. “I know you need something… grounding, but… not that.” Levi stills. Remains quiet for a moment, before he loosens his grip, arms dropping to his sides. 

“... Thank you,” his husband says carefully. “Can… can you turn around so we can face each other? I… I’d like to see you when I explain, when I apologise properly. Please.”

At that, Levi hesitates. He understands what Erwin is saying, he really does.  But what if it’s too much again? What if Levi freaks out again at the sight of him, what if he starts crying again-

“... If you need some more time just… to think before, that’s okay too. I can leave the room if you’d like, I-”

“No! ... D-Don’t… don’t go again. Don’t.” 

Levi is quick to turn as he speaks, as if he’s expecting Erwin to already be gone by the time he’s looked. But his husband is there, of course he is, and he’s sheepish and concerned and his brows are knit together tightly, and as if on instinct, the blonde moves closer. 

"Hey, alright. It’s alright," he says, hurried. "It’s okay. I’m wherever you need me to be." Levi wipes his eyes once more, sniffles quietly as Erwin scoots in. "… I mean that. Okay? I don’t… want you to rush into this conversation because you’re scared I’ll go, okay? 

Whenever you’re ready-"

"I wanna talk," Levi sniffles. "Now. I can’t fuckin’ take the… the fuckin waiting anymore."

"… Okay," Erwin says. "Okay. Would you like to stay here or… or go elsewhere? The kitchen, perhaps, or-"

"F-fuck, Erwin just… j-just talk." 

Erwin sighs. It’s not a thing of upset, Levi thinks. Relief, maybe, or no, not really - a prelude to their conversation, to this inevitable apology of his, the one Levi isn’t even sure he wants yet.

Because how can Erwin make this right? How can Levi? How will they get out of  this absolute clusterfuck? Because Levi doesn’t want children, and Erwin fucking does, and realising that had made the blonde leave - leave him for hours without returning a single text or a call, and how can any of Erwin’s possible explanations-

"I forgot my phone." 

Levi parts his lips ever slightly. Because… what? He fucking /what?/

"I… I needed some space. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, or to upset you by getting angry, because it… it didn’t /warrant/ anger, it really didn’t, I just… ah, anyways that’s… that’s beside the  point I’m trying to make, for now. I…" Erwin pauses to clear his throat, wide eyes filled with the nervous anticipation of a child stating their case to obtain something they want, or to het out of trouble. "I… I left to calm myself, like I said. I decided I’d go for a drive,  to go to the car wash, the one by the shops. I figured… I could sit it out, I suppose, that I could reflect a bit, but… but once I was in there I realised I hadn’t told you where I was going. I reached for my phone to text you, I- I wanted you to know where I was, and why,  but I realised I’d left my phone on the night stand."

Erwin doesn’t look up as he talks. Levi watches him as he explains. It makes sense, but… but it still doesn’t seem fully believable somehow, like it’s a reach for the truth. Because what, Erwin had just slammed the door and  fucked off to wash the damn car?

"… So what, you realised you’d forgotten your phone and decided to have, what, like… six fucking car washes?" Levi says, his trembling voice gradually gaining in stability. "You were gone for fuckin’… for hours, Erwin, I-" 

"I know. I know, I… I didn’t intend on that. Once I realised, I decided I’d drive back home immediately after the wash, but… hh. There must have been something wrong with the machinery, the gears or… or I don’t /know,/ because I was just… stuck. The woman working the till  came in eventually, she called a technician. And- and I asked to borrow the phone she used, so that I could call you. But she wouldn’t let me, ‘company policy’ or something along those lines." 

Levi watches in disbelief, at a loss for words as he listens.

"And… and I was… hhhh I was /stuck/ in a damn car wash for the better parts of an hour and a half, no phone, and… and I-"

"Wh- how th… are you fucking serious? I don’t-"

"I have the receipt somewhere, I… give  me a second, uhm…"

Levi squints as Erwin moves to pat at the pockets of his jacket, to shove his hand down the pockets of his trousers until he eventually retrieves a crumbled-up piece of paper, handing it over with shaky hands.

Levi takes it, unfolding it to the best of his  ability to read it.

"HOOVER’S WASH

10-minute cleanup (1) —- $15

PRICE REDUCTED DUE TO: malfuntion AS OVERSEEN BY: Mallory

TOTAL: $5" 

Levi stares at the thin piece of paper in his hand. The date was right, and it confirmed Erwin’s story, so…

Had his whole freakout been for nothing, then? God, he’d been sat here crying like a fucking heartbroken teenager all while his idiot fucking husband had been stuck in an in & out carwash? But that isn't all - at the bottom of the receipt, written in pen:

"If you change your mind: 07824-968878 - Mal xxx"

Now, what in the ever-living fuck was /this?/ Who the fuck was Mal, and what in the shit had she been doing leaving her number on his  husband’s receipt? Levi’s face must turn sour immediately, because Erwin instantly scoots in closer, placing his hands at either side of Levi’s thighs.

"… The woman at the till wanted my number. I said no, of course, I can show you my phone, so you-" 

"No, it…" Levi pauses, rubbing at his eyes to take all this in. "It’s fuckin’… it’s fine, I believe you. I… hhh."

Erwin wrings his wrists nervously where he sits, watching his husband collect his thoughts.

"… I-I told her I was married," he mumbles carefully, hands gently  soothing over the tops of Levi’s thighs. "To… a wonderful, incredible man who I have no intention of leaving. Ever."

"Oh, shut up," Levi groaned, folding the receipt back up to shove into his own pocket. "You’re not allowed to pull that cheesy shit right now." 

Erwin sits back again, sheepish. "No, you’re right. Of course, I… I’m sorry, Levi."

"… You still… you still left."

Erwin sighs. He nods. "I did. And I shouldn’t have. I didn’t intend to be gone for so long, but I still shouldn’t have… well, left like that. It wasn’t fair on  you."

"… You keep saying all this shit about… communication and talking shit out," Levi mutters carefully, turning away some once more. "But when I actually fuckin’ do it, I… I just… couldn’t you at least have said you needed some fucking space?" 

"I should have," Erwin says. "I should have. It was… uncharacteristic, to say the least. It was just… well I suppose I’ve been selfish, Levi. And extremely so."

Levi looks up again, though this time, it’s Erwin who’s averted his gaze.  His eyes are fixated on his knee, one Levi’s, he doesn’t know, somewhere - anywhere that isn’t his husband. Levi understands, he does. When he speaks about … well uncomfortable subjects, he’ll do the same - not to disassociate from the conversation, but to do the opposite.  To make sure he says what needs to be said, to make sure he speaks his mind without getting too distracted or embarrassed or shameful.

But it’s strange to see Erwin do the same. He’s always so direct, so communicative and in touch with his own emotions, his own thoughts.  It’s a good quality to have - partly what made Levi fall for him in the first place, partly why his students love him so much, why his coworkers consider him a friend.

But now he’s sheepish, shameful almost. It’s an uncanny sight. 

"… I’ve always considered children… well, just a natural next step. Something I would have someday, no matter who I married. But… that certainly isn’t the case for everyone, and I let myself assume. I should have talked to you, should have been open to discuss." 

Levi lowers his gaze. Wrings his hands nervously as the fear from before is reignited. He’s quiet for some time, lets Erwin have the chance to keep talking, but he doesn’t. And that’s when it slips from Levi’s lips.  "… Do you regret marrying me?" It’s close to a whisper as he says it, volume just low enough to conceal the fear in his voice. Because that’s what Levi feels. He’s scared.

Kids are a big fucking deal to those who want them, and Erwin is no exception,  he has no doubt about that. And a vast realisation like this one changes Erwin’s view of their future together, Levi knows that. The question is whether he’s fine with it.

"No, Levi. Of course not," Erwin says though, immediately. Softly. 

Brings his hand over Levi’s own, squeezes gently. For the first time in twelve or so hours, the touch is reassuring. "Of course not. Did you really think… did you think that?"

Levi scratches at his pantleg. He nods.

"… Levi…" 

The shorter man doesn’t say anything. The sides of his eyes are burning again, and although he’s reassured, he’s also fucking upset. 

Erwin looks at him then, and for the first time in what feels like ages, Levi looks back.

"I love you, Levi. More than I ever thought it possible to love somebody," he says. His brows are knit together, and he’s serious as he speaks, bordering on stern. 

"Your view of what our future looks like isn’t going to change that. We’re /partners./ Right?"

Carefully, Levi nods.

"It’s just… it’s a fucking big deal. And… I could fuckin’ tell it meant a lot to you and… fuck, Erwin I… I don’t wanna deprive you of-" 

"You’re not depriving me of anything by being true to yourself, Levi. Is that really what you think?"

Levi sighs. Bites his lip nervously. "… So what then? We don’t have kids, go my way? Isn’t that just as selfish?" 

A few moments pass before Erwin moves in closer. His hands glide up carefully, slow as they venture up to his waist. "… I don’t know what our life will look like in 10 years.  I don’t know whether we’ll… live here, or have moved. I don’t know whether we’ll have pets, or a different car or children. But I know I’ll be with you," Erwin says.  For once, all hesitance in his voice is gone. "But I know I’ll have you. And I want you. A life with /you./ Whatever that looks like." 

At that, Levi’s brows knit together. His lip trembles slightly, and he closes his eyes once more. Tries to collect himself. To not cry, to gather himself. He nods.

Erwin sighs. "… Can I hold you?" 

Instantly, Levi nods. Reaches out towards him, finding himself tucked gently against Erwin’s chest before he can reach. And when he’s there, close, feeling Erwin’s warmth, his smell, his breathing, slow and steady, he relaxes.  And his husband wraps an arm around him, uses the other to cup the back of his head, drawing him closer. Turns his head ever slightly to kiss at his temple. 

The familiar feeling of Erwin’s lips over his skin is overwhelming and reassuring all at once. Levi lets his body relax easily, lax as he melts into the larger man’s embrace, still feeling sparks of panic at the uncertainty ahead.  It’s a small thing though, minimal compared to the emotional flare-up from earlier, and Levi finds the comfort overpowers the panic for once.

“... I’m sorry,” he hears Erwin say, voice muffled as he speaks against Levi’s hair. “I’m so, so sorry, Levi.”  His husband sounds a bit choked up, as if he’s speaking in-between coughs, or with no air in his lungs, and Levi hugs him tighter. “I’m sorry,” the blonde continues. “I’ve been so selfish, I haven’t done right by you.” 

“... I’m sorry, too,” Levi mumbles, drawing soothing patterns over Erwin’s back. “I shouldn’t have fuckin’... kept quiet for so long.” But the blonde only shakes his head, quickly, as if he’s trying to be reassuring.  He presses another kiss to Levi’s temple, then to his cheek. Trails up his temple again.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Levi.,” he whispers. “Absolutely nothing.”

At that, Levi snorts. Although he’s clearly upset, it’s reassuring to see Erwin back to his usual sappy self.  “You’re always the one bringin’ the serious shit up,” he mumbles. “S’my responsibility to do that too, shouldn’t just be on you.”

“You do, Levi. You /did,/ this morning,” Erwin says. “And I walked out. I shouldn’t have, I-” 

“I wasn’t exactly pleasant about it.” Levi sits back again. Erwin’s hands drop down to the shorter man’s hips as he does, and Levi takes them in his own, squeezes them. It’s his turn to be reassuring now, to simmer down.  To make Erwin feel alright again. Just as his husband does for him, every day. “I dunno. There’s a difference between… y’know, talking and fuckin’... yelling, being unreasonable about it.” 

For a moment, all Erwin does is look at him. His brows are still knit together tightly, though not necessarily in upset - or, maybe there is some of that, too. But for the most part, he’s looking at Levi like he’s calculating, like he’s trying to process what’s being said,  eyes blankly carting over the shorter man’s face in deep thought.

“You didn’t yell,” he lands on. “We communicate differently. No, I shouldn’t be the only one bringing these things up, but I can’t expect you to stretch as far as-” 

“-being nice about it?” Levi snorts. “Course you can expect that. You should.”

“No. Not being /nice/ about it,” Erwin counters. “I shouldn’t expect you to communicate these things- /difficult/ things, in /my/ way. You can be blunt, yes. 

But I know you, and I know how you convey these things. Besides, you weren’t even particularly harsh,” he continues, one hand rising up to thread through Levi’s hair, soothing. “You said what you felt, tried to explain, reasonably. I was the one who didn’t want to hear it.” 

Levi looks at him. Sighs.

Erwin is right in one way, and it leads Levi to his other concern. Because his husband /did/ get upset, properly so, so much so it brought out a side of him Levi’s never ever seen before - a draw-back without warning, leaving him with no reassurance. 

And although Erwin was only gone for as long as he’d been because of that damn car wash, he’d still /gone./ And that’s forgiven - it isn’t that - it’s just… well…

“... You’d be a great fuckin’ dad,” he mumbles. “Feels like I’m taking it away from you.” 

Erwin lowers his gaze. It’s a heavy thing, that aversion, and it sends a splinter of pain through Levi’s chest. Clearly, he’s hit the nail right on the head.

“If you /don’t/ want children, that’s not something I’m going to force upon you,” he says, and again, Levi feels bad.  It feels like he’s depriving his husband of something he’s always wanted, and still does, so, so strongly. “But I’m not going to leave you because of it. Like I said, Levi, I want to grow old with /you./ No matter what that will be like.” 

Levi sighs once more. He lays back against Erwin’s chest, relishes in the feeling of it when his husband’s hands return to caress his back, his neck. “For better and for worse, Levi,” Erwin mutters. “I meant that when I said it.” 

Levi smiles faintly. Squeezes his husband’s hand once more, turns his head to press a kiss to his chest. “I’ll prove it to you,” Erwin promises next. Levi looks up at him, lost. His husband smiles down at him, and it’s warm and fond and the greatest comfort of the day so far.  “I can tell you’ve been stress-cleaning,” he clarifies, and finally, Levi understands. As far as ‘for better or for worse’ goes, Erwin can probably tell Levi’s current state of mind falls in the latter category - the fact that they’re sitting in a  pile of pillowcases and sofa cushions testament enough. The clutter in the bathroom probably won’t help either. And although Levi prefers to clean on his own, it’s a great relief to do it with Erwin this time. 

To observe as their space becomes neater over the next hour, to put the shampoos and toothbrushes and all the other things Levi left out, back in the bathroom cabinet. It’s a great relief when Erwin decides to air out the room, and he feels the chill of the wind unfog his  still-uneasy mind. It’s a great relief to wipe the dust off the bookshelves, to hear the kettle boil distantly, in the kitchen.

And it’s a great relief when Erwin sits him down for a tea-break, and they talk. Properly. And it’s a good, grounding, difficult talk.  Levi admits his insecurities, talks about his bluntness, his impatience. That he wouldn’t want himself for his own child, that he has never considered becoming a parent because of it.  And Erwin is understanding and soothing, and although he disagrees, he also makes it clear he won’t ever expect anything that big from him. That if Levi truly doesn’t want to, that’s alright. 

And so, they go on with their lives. Erwin seems happy either way, and so it’s easy for Levi to forget. To move on.

They meet their god-daughter a few weeks later. Her name is Rico, and it’s still easy to move on, despite the fact that Erwin is teary-eyed and smiling  when he holds her for the first time. It’s easy, despite the day they babysit her, and she’s giggly and squirming as Levi applies her sunscreen. Despite how his heart swells at the sight of Erwin playing with her. 

Despite how right it feels as Levi rocks her in his arms until she sleeps.

It’s easy, even when they go grocery shopping, and Levi is the one throwing second-glances at tiny socks and baby strollers.  It’s still easy. Because… Levi doesn’t want children. And Erwin is alright with that.

It’s supposed to be easy.

… So why can’t Levi stop thinking about it? 

"Ah, there’s my baby!"

Nanaba drops to her knees, beaming as she reaches out for Rico.

The girl lets out a bouncing shriek of joy, stumbling some as waddling turns to a clumsy attempt to run down the Ackerman-Smith hallway. "Oh!" Erwin yelps, catching her by the waist as she  tumbles over, and Levi smiles. Although she’s gotten /quite/ good at walking, running is proving to be quite the challenge. She’s a champ, though - doesn’t cry as she regains her footing, now with support from Erwin. "Mama!" he shrieks happily, letting go as she reaches Nanaba. 

She presses a kiss to the baby’s cheek, sparing no moment to lift her up in her arms. "Hiya! Did you have fun with Erwin and Levi?"

"Lebi!" Rico says eloquently, and Erwin chuckles.

"Thanks for watching her," Nan says, and Erwin nods. "Of course. We’re always happy to." 

Levi watches as Erwin tells her about what they’ve been up to. Playing ball in the yard, practicing walking, baking. Finds himself immersed suddenly, watches Erwin smile brightly as he ruffles Rico’s hair, readjusts her little glasses. The diaper bag is hanging off his shoulder,  and when Nanaba hands Rico back over to retie her shoe, something just… clicks. Something that’s been building up for a long time, something warm and fond and loving, like a final puzzle piece pushed into place.

Because Erwin is standing there, child in his arms and glasses  askew, diaper bag hanging off his shoulder, his stupid fucking sandals still on his feet. And he looks… so happy, and so content, and Levi realises he wants to see him like this all the time. He wants to feel like this, all the time.  He’s quiet as he listens to Nanaba’s car pulling out of the driveway, as he makes his way back towards the living room to clean up the handful of toys they keep around for Rico specifically.

He does so distantly, thinking about everything yet nothing at all, only torn from his  reverie when he feels Erwin’s big arms wrap around him.

"Hey," the blonde says. Presses a kiss to his crown. "You’re quiet. Everything alright?"

Levi turns. Considers saying something. Ends up nodding instead. He hums an affirmative,getting up on his tiptoes to peck Erwin’s  lips. "Just hungry," he says.

"Mh. Me too, I’ll get started on dinner. Pasta sound good for today?"

Levi nods. Smiles as Erwin bends down to kiss him once more, lets him venture off into the kitchen after.  They eat, and Erwin finishes up his work for the night. The hours pass them by, and eventually, Levi coaxes Workaholic Smith into joining him on the sofa with the offer of a cup of tea.

They cuddle while they watch TV, quietly exchange small kisses that grow into something  heated quickly. Levi’s just washed the whole damn living room, though, no way he’s letting it reek of their filthy this soon. They move to the bedroom in a hurry, and this time, he needs Erwin close.

He hugs the man’s neck as they move together, panting and moans and small  nothings filling the room. And after, Levi’s laying over his husband’s chest lazily, absentmindedly drawing small patterns over his chest.

"You okay, honey?" Erwin asks after a few minutes. He brushes his fingers over Levi’s undercut, voice lazed with exhaustion.  "You’ve been quiet."

For a moment, all Levi does is lay there. Pauses his fingers’ gentle caress over Erwin’s chest to stare on into nothing. And he wants to say ‘yes,’ to say that nothing is up, that he’s tired and wants to go to sleep, but… 

But there’s too much warmth, too much appreciation and stupid dreams filling him up, buzzing in his chest so densely it threatens to burst, and…

"… I want a baby." 

And then it’s out. Levi’s said it and the room is quiet and it’s out. And Erwin isn’t saying anything. It’s out, he’s admitted it, and Erwin isn’t saying anything, isn’t moving and… and is he mad? Happy? Is he disappointed that Levi's changed his mind again?  It’s quiet for a second too long, and Levi isn’t sure what to do, and so he just lays there, not quite scared, not quite at-ease either, and…

And he finds himself sitting back up, encouraged by Erwin as he does the very same. Warm hands cup his cheeks then, they cradle Levi’s  face carefully, and when he looks up, Erwin’s brows are turned up, as if he’s anticipating. As if he’s not quite sure he’s heard him right, doesn’t want to assume and show his emotions prematurely.

“... You… you mean it?” he asks, a bit breathless. 

Levi looks at him with wide eyes. Feels his heart as it pounds against the back of his ribs, threatening to break free. “... Yes,” he whispers.

A trembling breath tumbles from the cusp of Erwin’s lips. He pulls Levi in gently, cradles the back of his head as he pushes it  against his chest, presses many, encouraging kisses against his temple, his crown, his forehead. And Levi puts his arms around Erwin, too - needing him close, closer than you can get from a hug or a kiss or sex, he wants him close, closer, the overpowering love he has for this  man rushing and roaring within him louder than ever. “With you,” Levi finishes.

“You want it?” Erwin asks. His voice has picked some excitement by then. “You… I mean, /you/ want this? Not just because you think I do?” 

Levi doesn’t /think/ Erwin wants children, he fucking /knows,/ first of all. If it hadn’t been obvious from earlier, his reaction now certainly would give him away. It’s adorable, really - he’s trying so hard to conceal his blatantly obvious excitement for Levi’s sake,  just in case, but he’s failing miserably. Levi can tell he’s smiling as he presses kiss after kiss after kiss over his temple, his forehead, his cheek, voice a bit breathless in happy shock as he holds him tight. And even if he’d done none of that, his heart is giving it away  - Levi is pressed up against his chest, and he can feel Erwin’s excitement there - the thuds of his heart rapid and rhythmic and strong and good. Levi feels content then. Happy. He looks up, cups Erwin’s face, strong fingers grazing over the blonde stubble growing there. 

“/Yes./ I want it.”

Erwin looks so soft where he sits. He’s looking at him so gently, with so much love and appreciation Levi feels he might burst, and he shuts his eyes to nuzzle his cheek into the palm of Levi’s hand, carefully. 

Had it been possible, the sight would have made the shorter man straight into their bed. But he settles for reaching up to kiss the blonde’s forehead. Erwin leans into it, further so when Levi leans back until his head hits the pillows.  The blonde follows, laying down to rest his head against Levi’s chest.

“It’s… been on my mind for a while,” the shorter man says. He brings his hands up to play with Erwin’s hair, absentmindedly.  “Obviously we can’t fuck off and get one tomorrow, but… I was thinking we could at least, uh… start looking into it.”

Erwin kisses his chest, silently. He nods. “I’d love that, Levi. If you feel ready for this, there’s nothing I’d want more.”  Levi smiles. Presses another kiss into Erwin’s hair. And when they fall asleep, he dreams of lullabies and baby shoes. 

The next few weeks are spent thinking. Planning, researching. They reach out to a man named Artur Braus, whose home in the outskirts of the city doubles as a children’s home.

Levi spends half his paycheck on parenting books, reading chapters and chapters on what to expect, on  preparation, ideal parental qualities and traits until Erwin confiscates them. He gets in his head too much - never doubts himself like he did before, but still worries he won’t be good enough.

Still, Erwin helps. And after a long time of consideration, they decide.  Initial checks and home visits feel like they last a lifetime. Levi’s wringing his wrists nervously when they first meet with Artur and his wife, Lisa, but they seem optimistic.

The paperwork is long-lasting too. They spend endless nights over mugs of coffee, under dim lights,  filling out form after form, time and time again. And before long, - or: no, it’s been /long,/ but still - before long, Artur lets them know they’ve been approved as adopting parents, prospectively. 

It’s still a long wait, despite it. But one day, a year after they’ve been approved, it happens.

Levi’s at work, dodging past screeching children and teens in the school yard. He rounds the corner swiftly, turns his face as he opens the lid of the large bins they keep behind the  building, weary of the smell. But as the lid smacks shut again, Levi can make out the faint scent of cigarette smoke. Instantly on alert, he locks eyes with Jean Kirschtein. The kid’s got a cigarette in his hand, a lighter in the other, and the look on his face is simply… well,  horrified.

“Kirschtein,” Levi deadpans. He makes his way over with alarming resolve, and Kirschtein lets out a string of incoherent nervous babbles. “What the hell have I told you about those?” 

“S- Uhm… I’m serious, Sir, I didn’t-”

“Did I not tell you I’d let you off the hook /once?/”

“Y-yes, but-”

Levi’s distracted when his phone begins vibrating in his pocket, and he absentmindedly reaches for it.  “That shit is gonna ruin your lungs before you’re 20. Put it out,” he continues, using his other hand to snatch the butt right out of his hand, before Kirschtein can actually do as he’s told.  Levi lets out a disapproving groan as he lets it go, watches it topple against the concrete, the flame fizzles out under the sole of his shoe. He glances down at his phone as he continues. “I’m calling your damn parents once I’ve…”

It’s Artur. 

Artur is calling. Not emailing or texting, he’s /calling./

His face must turn slack immediately, because before Levi can collect his thoughts enough to press accept, Kirschtein mumbles a small and pathetic: “S-Sir?” 

“Get to class. Last chance, I catch you again here, I’m calling your parents. Scram.”

Kirschtein needs no further encouragement to do exactly that, and so Levi is quick to take the call. “Hello?” he asks.

“Hey there. Levi, it’s Artur. This a bad time?” Levi looks down at himself, at his janitor's uniform. He clears his throat. “Nah. Uh, I have time.”

“Great. I’m just calling to let you know we’ve found a potential match for you and your husband.  I’ve just sent her file over to your email, but have you two got time to come down to the home to discuss it sometime this week?”

Levi’s breath catches in his throat. He clutches at his clothes absentmindedly, warmth and relief filling his chest all at once.

/Her./ 

Artur’s found a potential match, and she- /she,/ a girl, /their/ girl, exists and she’s no longer some hypothetical fantasy-child they’ve been dreaming about, she’s /real,/ and he’s gotta tell Erwin, he needs to find him now, he- 

“Y-yeah. Yes, sh- yes,” Levi manages, accompanied by an airy laugh. It makes Artur chuckle, but Levi’s too excited to be embarrassed. “Yes?”

“Y-yes- definitely. Uhm… when? Whenever, we’re- we’re available whenever,” he continues, without knowing if that’s true.  They may have plans or work or a date or /something,/ but /nothing/ can be more important than this. Nothing.

“Eh, let's see. Today’s the fifth, uh… shall we say the seventh? Sunday?”

“Yeah,” Levi agrees, immediately. “Yeah, Sunday- Sunday’s great. That’s fine.”  Artur chuckles once more. “Great. You two come down at eleven-ish, or after, then. Does that sound alright?”

“Yeah. Uh, that sounds good. Thank you. Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome. Bye then.”

Levi needs a moment to calm down after he hangs up.  Fuck, he feels as if he could do a fucking cartwheel at this point, or leap into the air, or… shit. He needs to tell Erwin. He’s gotta- fuck. Levi swears internally as he stumbles on his own step.  But the mishap is forgotten easily as he makes his way back toward the school entrance, up to the second floor in a hurry.  Completely forgetting himself, he barges into Erwin’s classroom in blissful reverie - completely grounded again by the thundering sounds of film music and darkness, before he meets the gaze of some twenty, thirty, fifteen-year-olds.  Levi turns his head to see Erwin by his desk, leaned back in his chair. He’s sitting in the same direction as the rest of the kids are - they’re watching a movie, Levi realises, of course - because the fucker is mid-lesson, and Levi barged in like some moron, but  it’s /important,/ and-

The music stops. Levi returns from his thoughts to see Erwin’s fingers withdraw from the mousepad of his computer. He stands up.

“Levi? Is everything alright?” 

It must be obvious something is going on. The kids /know/ they’re married by now, but even so, formalities require them to adress each other by their last names. And Erwin looks concerned as he gets up from his chair, his students exchanging confused, half-entertained looks.  Their quiet mutters fill the room as Levi regains control of his limbs.

“Uh. Yeah. I’ll- uh… I’ll come back later,” he says, before he turns to leave.

“N-no, uh… kids, keep watching," Erwin says immediately, quick to move across the floor of the classroom. "Armin, you’re in  charge, alright? Keep watching."

Once the door is shut behind them, Erwin’s hand makes its way down to Levi’s back - a reassuring, yet concerned touch. Through the walls, the film music recommences.  It’s not completely private, though - there’s a glass slit in the door, and Erwin pulls him back a few steps for privacy.

"Sweetheart?" he asks.

Levi bites his lip, as if it’ll help him  hold back the beaming smile his lips are threatningly close to breaking into.

"… Le..vi?" Erwin asks again, and this time, all concern is swapped out for pure… well, confusion it seems. And Levi can’t hold back. He pulls the man down by his tie, kisses him.  Erwin yelps in surprise, but he melts into it with a low hum. "Mmh… Levi, wh- hah, what’s gotten into you?"

Levi lets out an airy chuckle as he reaches for his phone. Holds Erwin close by his waist as he fumbles through his apps, clicks on his emails. As promised, the one from  Artur is there.

"Potential Match for Adoption," the subject reads, the preview below it: "Hi Levi, hope you’re doing well. I’m very happy to inform you that…"  Levi lets out another blissful huff as he turns his phone, lets Erwin look at it. He feels impatient for the few seconds it takes his husband to react, but when he does, his eyes widen considerably.

"Wh-" he begins, quietly. Breathlessly. He looks up at Levi, back to the screen.  Back to Levi again, where he laughs in what can only be disbelief, looks at the screen again.

"He called, too," Levi says quietly. "It’s a girl. We’re meeting Artur to get her info on Sunday."

Erwin’s eyes are turned up in an unbelievable expression of disbelief, of glee, Levi  doesn’t know, he just knows that it’s good, it’s /wonderful,/ and as the news sink in, Erwin’s eyes turn glassy. It’s an emotional moment, half-way ridiculous because of the dramatic orchestra accompanying whatever historical movie playing in the other room. But it’s memorable. 

And it’s beautiful.

Levi’s about to reach out for his husband, but Erwin beats him to it - wrapping his arms around him with a teary laugh. Levi yelps when the man lifts him, spins him around. "E-Erwin, shit, stop-" he laughs, clutching desperately at his husband’s neck before  falling back into the secure and /still/ grip of Erwin’s arms. They exchange a soft kiss there, and Levi lifts his hand to tuck a small wisp of blonde behind his ear.

"A girl," Erwin whispers. "A /daughter,/ Levi." 

"I know," Levi says, just as quietly. In the other room, a man with a posh accent calls his King a tyrant, accompanied by suspenseful violins. "D-do you wanna open it now? Check the email?"

"Yes," Erwin says. "Yes, I- the kids are watching a movie anyways. Please, I-" 

"/Thou’st gone mad, Cromwell. Turned a fool, I say!/" a man proclaims from the other room. Erwin chuckles. Levi smiles, too. They kiss once more.

"Sorry," Erwin whispers. "Movie for today’s class. I promised."

Levi snorts. "That’s fine. I-" 

"/Would thee make a fool of a man who fights for his country!? For his God!? Nay, by the book - the only fool present is /thee!/"

Oh my god.

Erwin chuckles at Levi’s annoyed frown. "Let’s go somewhere else. Okay, we can- oh."

When Levi turns his head, heat is quick to pool in  his cheeks. They must have moved, maybe when Erwin spun him around - because Levi’s sat with his legs around his husband’s waist, they’ve been /kissing/ right in front of the glass slit of the classroom door. And the kids are fucking /staring./

"Get- fuck, let me down! Erwin-" 

"Shoot, yes- uhm…"

Levi scrambles out of Erwin’s arms, quick to push him back around the corner, embarrassed. He rubs his eyes. And Erwin laughs. Presses a kiss to his hair. "I’m sorry. We… we’ll open it when we get home. Okay? Will you wait for me?" 

Levi looks up at him. Still rosy-cheeked, though the happiness and excitement of it all overpowers the embarrassment. "… Yeah. ‘Course I will." 

And Levi does wait.

And it’s difficult.

He watches Erwin return to his students, hears him tell them to calm down as they cheer and yell when he re-enters.  Usually, Levi would cringe at himself, at what the kids just witnessed, probably take out a few sick-days to recover from the public humiliation of it all.  But they have a potential match, and she’s a /girl/ and she’s /real/ and Levi can’t afford to give a shit that a heap of students just saw him get manhandled - he can’t stop smiling.  His fingers are itching with anticipation and excitement every time he reaches for his phone. He knows he’s gonna have to wait for Erwin before he opens Artur’s email, but it’s fucking hard when your potential /child’s/ information is right at your fingertips, and Levi has  to distract himself with some thorough scrubbing of the janitor’s closet for the rest of the day. The hours pass by, unbearable as they are, and eventually, fucking /eventually,/ Erwin finally exits the school building.  He breaks out into a small jog when he spots their car in the lot, and Levi can’t help but smile at the sight of it - his husband looks fucking adorable, excited and happy as he opens the car door, leans over the console to give Levi a short kiss.  They don’t have the patience to drive home before they open the email. They’ve waited long enough.

“Hi Levi,” Levi reads, carefully. “Hope you’re doing well. I’m very happy to inform you that Lisa found a pot- poten… pot-” 

“Potential,” Erwin supplies, pressing a kiss to Levi’s cheek. He usually hates when Erwin rushes his reading, but they’re both in a hurry this time, so it’s easily forgiven, and Erwin's let off with a slap to the arm. 

“... potential match for you and Erwin through another agency. Can we meet sometime later in the week? Her file is atta- att-”

“Attached.”

“Atta- Shut up. Attached below. Thanks and congratulations, Artur.”

Levi scrolls quickly, tapping his foot as the attachments of the  email loads.

The first one they open is called: "G. BRAUN (1)"

And the first thing to pop up is a picture. A picture of a beautiful little girl with a smile so big her chubby little cheeks push her eyes into a squint, and immediately, Levi feels his heart catch  in his chest. Looking up to Erwin, he sees his husband’s lip is trembling, and Levi lets out an airy laugh as he reaches up to kiss his cheek.

“‘Gabi,’” he reads out. He squeezes Erwin’s hand carefully, stroking the skin there in attempts to soothe.  “She’s… she’s four years old. She’s born in Mitras and likes to play football. Her favourite TV-show is American Dragon.”

Erwin lets out a teary laugh, and Levi brings his hand up to kiss it as he continues. “She knows how to write her own name, and how to count to 100.” 

“Clever,” the blonde manages, and Levi laughs. “Mhm. This wasn’t really the info I was expecting when he said to give her /file/ a read-through.”

“It’s perfect,” Erwin says anyway. “She’s perfect.”

Levi can't help but agree.  The second file is closer to what Levi had been expecting. General info such as birthdate and birthplace. It’s slightly vague, and Levi suspects there’s a third file somewhere with more sensitive details, but the gist of the matter is that she’d been given up for adoption after  her mother decided she wasn’t ready to care for her. She’d only been a few months old when she ended up in childhood care, and apparently has been to a home already. Naturally, it raises the question of /why/ she’d been brought back again, which the file fails to mention.  But Saturday comes and goes, and then Sunday comes, and Levi and Erwin find themselves in Artur Braus’ office.

“She’s a rowdy kid, as far as I understand it,” the man says, setting his coffee cup back down on his desk. “Energetic, overly energetic according to the folks that  had her before.”

“... The file said uh… they ‘returned’ her?” Erwin says, fingers bending in quotation at the word. Artur snorts. “You ask me, those people never should have gotten approved to adopt. They had one view of who their kid would be, Gabi didn’t fit that view.  Decided they didn’t want her no more, apparently.”

Levi furrows his brows, absentmindedly tightening his hold on the teacup in his hand.

“You two don’t exactly strike me as the type,” Artur continues. “But you gotta understand that it ain’t a /dog/ you’re adopting.  Can’t just return her when you decide she’s too much. If you ain’t prepared for that, you ain’t fit to adopt.”

“Of course not,” Erwin says immediately. His brows are furrowed down tightly. “Of course. We’re serious about this, we’d never…” 

He pauses then, running his hands through his hair in a way Levi recognises as frustrated. “She’s staying with us,” he lands on. “Our child stays with us. No matter what.”

Artur nods with a small grunt. “And you, Levi? You ain’t said much.” 

Levi looks up then, brows furrowed and frown evident. He knows Artur isn’t accusing them, /him/ of anything. He’s just being careful, careful in making sure Gabi doesn’t end up in the same situation she’s been in before, which Levi can only appreciate.  But he’s not been quiet because he’s having second thoughts. No, if anything, hearing about Gabi’s previous family - no, adopters, he decides, because those fuckers she’d been with before weren’t her fucking family - and if anything,  learning about her past has only made him more sure. Because he can relate to feeling unwanted - he had been too, when he was Gabi’s age. His thoughts fall back to himself as a child - the way teachers and parents and every other fucking adult would treat him like he was a  threat purely for his uncle’s reputation. And it’s far from the same situation - in Levi’s case, the adults in his life had at least had something to pin their fearfulness on - his uncle. Gabi’s only crime is that she’s been herself. But he can relate to the feeling of oneself’s  own persona not being satisfying enough for the people around them, to be labelled as difficult and troublesome. So fucking what if Gabi is a little energetic? Sure, he’s yet to meet her, but Levi’s met plenty kids you’d label the same way through his work, and those kids have  always been /good kids./ Jaeger from Erwin’s history class, Kirschtein with his evident insecurity and tryhardness, sure, they’re a bit much, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that they’re good kids, bottom line.

“Frustrated to hear it, s’all,” he mumbles. 

“That she’s difficult?”

“No,” Levi says. Sips his tea, tries to ignore the way his hands are trembling, ever slightly. “That she was placed with those incompetent dickwads you just told us about.”

Artur snorts where he sits. 

He crosses his arms as he leans back in his chair, and for the first time since they begun, he smiles. “I like you twos. And I don’t doubt this’ll be different from the people she was with before. But I gotta be cautious.” 

“Of course,” Erwin says carefully. “We don’t blame you. We’re glad you’re thorough.”

Artur nods. “Well then. Next step is… I’m gonna recommend you to the agency she’s with, and if they accept, you’ll go in front of a matching panel. S’an interview of sorts, I’ll show you when  the time comes. But they accept you, we can set up a first meeting with you twos and Gabi. That sound alright?”

Levi nods. And as Erwin squeezes his hand under the table they’re sat at, he smiles. 

Things start moving quickly from there. They celebrate with wine and cake the day Gabi’s agency accept Artur’s recommendation, once more when the matching panel approves them, too. 

It’s only when they get the date for their first ever meeting things start feeling real, though, threateningly so. Levi copes with the stress by subjecting their kitchen to a thorough deep cleaning, and Erwin places kiss after kiss on his cheek, reassurances after reassurances. 

Levi shakes him off. Because they’re meeting Gabi - the girl Levi’s labelled his /child/ in his mind - in less than 24 hours, and now, as the meeting approaches with threatening vigour, the ‘potential’ in ‘potential match’ begins to feel very real. 

And it’s not because Levi’s having second thoughts. It’s because… well, what if Gabi doesn’t like /them?/ What if she doesn’t like /him?/ What if he’s too quiet and too stern and too cold, like Levi’s always been labelled by everyone else, what if she takes one look at him and  decides hell no, no way I’m going home with this bastards? Or… or what if they /do/ get on well, but Levi doesn’t act in accordance to what the agency, who will be overseeing the meeting, think Gabi needs? 

What if they /aren’t/ what she needs? What then? Will they have to start all over again? Will they give up? 

Erwin doesn’t seem to be stressing over this at all. He cooks dinner and holds Levi’s hand as they watch TV, and when they go to bed, he hugs him tight, whispers small reassurances in his ear until Levi’s lids are heavy with sleep. 

And when he does eventually succumb to his tiredness, Levi finds no rest in the safe-lulls of his dreams. He tosses and turns as his brain pesters him with a series of regrettable scenarios - the first in which he spills coffee over the social worker’s clothes, and she tells them  to get away before Gabi even enters. The second one entails them being late for the meeting - traffic is heavy and when they finally do arrive, another social worker says they’re clearly not serious about this. 

The third one is the worst one, though. Levi and Erwin arrive, and everything is going well, he thinks. They play with Gabi and talk to her for hours, but by the end of it, the social worker looks stern and confused. 

“We’re satisfied with Erwin,” she says this time, chewing on her pen. “But Levi, you’re… you’re clearly unfit for this. What were you thinking, even coming here?” And Levi doesn’t know what to say. 

He looks up, turns to Erwin, expecting his husband to be in his corner, to defend him somehow, but Erwin looks the very same, lowers his head in regrettable agreement. “I thought he’d manage,” he says lowly. “But I don’t think he’s suited for this.” 

“Erwin,” Levi protests, voice weak with disbelief as heavy disappointment and dread settles in his chest. And as he’s told to leave, Erwin doesn’t follow, not even wanting to look /back/ at him, and Levi is yelling for his husband and he’s apologising profusely, but they’re not  listening, Levi is muted, muffled, and he’s just lost his family, all of it, and-

And…

… And he jerks awake in a sweat, panting and grasping at the sheets until his knuckles turn white. “F-fuck,” he manages. Levi swallows to coat his dry throat as he catches his breath,  as reality settles in and anxiety fades, just barely. “Fuck. E-Erwin.”

But Levi turns to find nothing but pillows and comforters. Erwin’s not there. Levi raises an eyebrow, breath still heavy. Maybe he’s gone to piss or something.  But toilet-bound or not, Levi needs comfort, desperately so, and with panic still alarming in his head, he tosses his comforter to the side to search for it.  The clock on their wall reads 4AM, and Levi groans slightly as the room floods with light from the hallway. Yeah, Erwin’s definitely gone to piss.

“Erwin?” he calls carefully, pushing the door open, expecting to find his husband in the middle of a night-poop. But he isn’t.  Because the toilet is empty. And Levi is confused.

“Erwin?” he calls again, holding onto the railing as he makes his way down the stairs. The living room is empty, the office too. Levi opens the kitchen door, seeing that it’s dark, and so he almost walks back out when he  glimpses at the big figure leaning over the sink.

“... Erwin?”

“... Oh.” Erwin looks up to face him. He’s sheepish where he stands, Levi can tell, even through the blinding darkness. Still, he flicks the light on, and Erwin squints uncomfortably.  “The fuck are you doing?” Levi asks. “It’s 4AM.”

“I know. Sorry, I… I’ll be back in a moment, dearest.”

Something’s off. Because even through his tired mutters, the croakiness of sleep in his voice, Levi can tell Erwin is… uncomfortable? Unsure? Something is wrong, anyway,  and he spares no moment to walk over. At first, he glances into the sink. It’s free of dishes, Levi’s made sure of that, but he’s for some reason expecting something to be in there - what else would Erwin be staring at? “... Why are you up?” he asks. Erwin averts his gaze. 

He shrugs.

“Thinking a lot, I suppose. Heh.”

Levi softens a bit, immediately. “... About tomorrow?”

“... Today. Yes.”

The reason Levi came down here in the first place, was for some more reassurance. But now he’s here, and Erwin is sheepish and nervous, and quite clearly, he  needs the same. Levi sighs. Lifts his hand to palm at Erwin’s sides, stroking the skin there carefully. “Why?” he asks. Erwin shrugs again. “It’s silly,” he says, brushes it off with a small chuckle. “I don’t want to bother you with my overthinking. Go back to sleep, honey.” 

“Like I’ve done all fucking week? Kinda the least I can do, /honey./”

Erwin laughs again, this time, a tad more genuine. “Calming you is never a bother to me, Levi,” he says. He brings his hands up to cup either side of Levi’s head, draws them down over his crown, down to his  undercut, neck, shoulders. “You know this.”

Levi hums. Brings his other hand up too, to stroke at Erwin’s side. “Who says it’s a bother to me to do the same, huh? Spit it out,” he demands, one corner of his mouth pulling slightly when Erwin sighs in defeat.  “... It’s silly,” he trivialises again. “I’ve just worked up some anxiety about how tomorrow will go, I suppose. I uh…”

Erwin pauses then, and Levi looks up at him. He’s averting his gaze and biting his lip, and it tells Levi he’s not stopped talking to search for the right  words, but to try and collect himself. He pulls his husband in then, wraps his arms around him carefully as he sighs. Their cursed height difference makes for an insufficient angle, though - as much as Levi enjoys burying his face in Erwin’s chest, he wants to be the one holding  him close properly now. He presses a kiss against his chest. “Come. Bed, now,” he says, turning to pull Erwin after him before the man can protest.

They’re silent on their way back to the bedroom, and when Levi lays down, it’s Erwin who initiates their cuddling now. Levi’s not surprised. Nor does he hesitate to comply, shuffling in closer so his husband can rest his head against his chest. Levi holds him there, fingers carding through the man’s hair. “... You’re gonna be great,” he mumbles carefully. “Y’know that, right? She’ll love you.” 

Erwin sighs tiredly. Nuzzles his face against Levi’s chest, a childish demand for more affection, for Levi to touch him. It makes the shorter man snort, but he strokes his thumb over Erwin’s neck. “... I want this. I want it so bad but… what if I’m not fit for it, Levi?” 

Levi has to hold back from laughing, which he nearly fucking does. Because it honestly comes as a shock that out of all people, it’s Erwin fucking Smith who’s sitting here, worrying about not being a good father. But Levi doesn’t laugh - his husband is serious when he says what  he does, and he’s clearly worked up some real anxiety about this. “Y’know when I realised you were ready to become a dad? S’a few years ago now.”

“... No?”

Levi snorts at the memory. “When I came into your classroom and you’d bought those ugly-ass sandals.”  That earns him a small huff of laughter. “... Sandals, huh?”

“Mm. Y’know when I realised it again?”

“... Mh?”

“That time you started slapping the shit out of watermelons at the store to ‘check if they’re good.’ And then again that time you picked up baby socks right after.  And then again when your take-away from Nan’s babyshower was ‘we’re finally parents.’”

Erwin says nothing. Levi feels his heavy breath as it tickles his skin. “... I’d forgotten about that,” he says eventually. Pauses once more, long enough for Levi to hum a lazy affirmative.  “... But… those things don’t mean I’ll be good at… at… at /this,/ the real thing,” he says sheepishly.

Levi sighs. “Y’know, Erwin… for a smart guy you’re pretty fucking stupid. If you’re not fit for this, who is?” he asks. “What do you mean?” Erwin asks, genuinely lost.  He doesn’t move, and Levi keeps caressing his neck, presses a kiss to his stupid little head. “I /mean,/” he says. “Your kids- your /school/ kids, I mean, fucking adore you. There’s a reason they stick around for so long, even after class ends. You’re fucking… you’re kind,  you’re patient, you’re… fuck, you were made for this, Erwin. I’ve always thought that, so has everyone else. You’ve even grown into the stereotype, you cargo-shorts-loving fuck.”

Erwin huffs out a laugh. He presses a kiss to Levi’s chest, tender. But he doesn’t say anything. 

“... Look at me,” Levi says. And Erwin does. The shorter man cups his face then, his thumbs brushing over his cheekbones tenderly. “You were fucking made for this. You’ll be perfect. And those fuckers tomorrow decide that you’re not, I’ll sure as fuck let them know that.” 

Erwin looks at him. And when Levi’s words sink in, it’s visible. Because those bright, blue eyes soften into something tender, appreciative, and Levi spares no moment to lean in to kiss him carefully. “I love you,” he says. “I love you, and so will she. I promise.” 

“... Thank you,” Erwin whispers. “I love you, too. So much.”

And when Erwin falls into a deep, snoring sleep, Levi knows he’s reassured. 

When morning finally, finally comes, Levi feels heavy. Erwin must do too, he thinks, because the morning is quiet. They dress in silence, Levi shaves while Erwin cooks their breakfast. They hold hands in the car, and when they finally reach their destination, a small,  child care facility in Mitras, Levi lets out a long, trembling sigh. But Erwin is there, he’s with him, and that’s a comfort in itself. The social worker - the tormentor in Levi’s nightmares - is a small, happy woman with an official-looking notepad.  Her name is Petra, and she wishes them welcome with a huge smile on her face. Erwin takes care of most of the talking. They go through their info, the paperwork, and she leads them down the hallway, where kids run past them in childish hurry, in pursuit of each other in a game of  ‘it,’ Levi realises. They enter the room Petra leads them to - a big playroom with soft mats and toys scattered over the floors. “Just hang your coats over there,” she says, smiling, before letting them know she’ll go get Gabi.  She shuts the door behind her, and all the anticipation and tenseness is set alight within Levi, in all its nervous glory.

“... Nervous?” Erwin asks carefully, and Levi can’t help but glare at him, because what the /fuck/ does he think? His husband only chuckles in response  though, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “I am too,” he whispers. And Levi hugs him, sighing.

They wait another few minutes. Levi’s bouncing both feet against the playmats, because the wait is fucking /unbearable./ 

His nervousness is at an alltime high, and Erwin’s must be too, because he’s not saying anything. They must look ridiculous where they sit, he thinks - propped down in childishly small chairs, and Levi halfway wants to crouch down to sit on the playmats -  maybe it’ll look more natural. He catches a glimpse of their reflection in the next moment, in the window opposite them, and just as he’d feared - yup. Ridiculous. Both of them look far too big for these small, plastic chairs - Erwin especially, sat with spread legs, elbows  digging into their thighs as they lean their chins in the palms of their hands. They’re sat in the exact same way, like two fearful business men, and the sight is laughable enough for Levi to do as he’d thought earlier and sit down on the floor.  Erwin’s just about to say something, he realises, but he never manages too. Because the door clicks open. And when Petra re-enters, her hand is holding another, far smaller one. 

Gabi’s hair is longer than it had been in the picture they’d been sent, reaching just above her shoulders. She’s dressed in a t-shirt and red, worn overalls, and at the sight of the two strange men on the opposite end of the room, she nervously tilts her head against Petra’s hip. 

At first, Levi freezes in a brief panic. Is she scared? She might be nervous, but is she intimidated? But then he takes another look, and he sighs as he sees that the girl is /smiling,/ biting her lip nervously to stifle it, for whatever reason. 

Levi looks over at Erwin, and his husband’s brows are raised in an expression of pure awe, gentle and sincere and wonderful, and when Levi looks back, Petra has crouched down by her, hand on the girl’s back.

“Gabi, this is Erwin and Levi,” she smiles carefully. 

“And Levi and Erwin, this is Gabi. She’s been very excited to meet you.”

Erwin lets out a huff of what Levi can only assume to be the beginning of a blissful, disbelieving laugh. Levi reaches over to squeeze his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Gabi,” Levi says, sounding just as  dazed and ridiculous as he feels. Gabi smiles at him, though she averts her eyes, her other hand brought up to rub at her cheek as if she’s trying to hide it. It’s a wonderful sight.

“I have-”

“Are you-”

Erwin pauses immediately as him and Gabi interrupt each other, and he  chuckles softly as the girl freezes. “I’m sorry, Gabi. What were you saying?”

“... Sorry,” the girl musters nervously, and suddenly her smile vanishes, nervousness washing over her little face as she clutches Petra’s hand. 

“Oh, it’s okay,” Erwin reassures, though, complying when Levi pulls on his pant leg to have him sit down beside him. Maybe it’ll make them seem a little less intimidating. “It’s okay. What were you going to say?” 

Gabi looks up at Petra, brows turned up nervously in this brief moment of insecurity. It’s like she’s lost for a little while, like she’s been reading out loud and suddenly lost her way in the heap of words on the page of a book. But Petra nods, encouraging. 

“Go on. It’s alright.”

“... I have my… my truck,” the girl continues carefully, still clutching at Petra’s side. “And… and if you wanna we… we can play with it. Maybe?”

“I’d love that,” Erwin says softly, just as encouraging as Petra had been.  “Levi would love to, as well. Do you wanna show us your truck?”

For the first time, Gabi musters up the courage to look at them. She’s still biting her lip, slightly nervous, before she nods, turns, determined in her steps as she finally bounces across the playmats in pursuit  of the heap of toys by the wall. “It- it’s here!” she says, rummaging through the pile of dolls and puzzles and legos before she finds it - a blue, hefty (very cool) toy truck.. “Here,” Gabi says quietly, holding it out.  She looks at them with anticipation as the two men approach, clearly nervous to hear their verdict. Obviously, it’s a positive one.

“That’s great!” Erwin smiles. “And that’s all yours? Wow.”

This seems to be the words needed for Gabi to come out of her shell entirely.  Because she nods eagerly, bouncing over to meet them halfway. “Yeah! And… and it’s- I picked it out on the… at the toy store,” she proudly explains as she sits down. “All by myself. And I bought it with my… my money that I made from my chores.” 

“You bought it all on your own? That’s incredible!” Erwin keeps encouraging, and Levi smiles. He’s beginning to feel a little emotional where he sits, watching as Gabi pushes the toy truck into his hands, so Erwin can feel the pure quality of it. 

“Y-yeah. And… and it even… it even makes a noise,” she says, snatching it back so she can show them. And sure enough - at the press of a button, the truck blinks and beeps as if it’s backing up, and needless to say, Levi and Erwin are beyond impressed. 

“You know what it looks like, a little bit?” Erwin asks, carefully bringing his hand down to drive the truck forward, experimentally. Gabi hums. “Levi’s truck, where he works. Doesn’t it, Levi?” Gabi’s mouth falls open in an awe-stuck expression, brown eyes wide as she looks over  to Levi, waiting for him to confirm. And Levi nods. “Mm, it does,” he says. “Though my one isn’t as cool as yours.”

“... You have… have a big one?” Gabi asks. “/For-for real?/” Levi chuckles carefully, scoots in closer. “Mm. You wanna see a picture?” Gabi nods eagerly,  propping her little hands up on Levi’s thigh too get a better view of the man’s phone, where he pulls up a picture of the small truck he uses in school. And Gabi shrieks in pure excitement. “Miss Petra!” she yells out, the excitement in her little voice beaming, so pure and  adorable Levi thinks he might melt. “H-he has a /real/ toy- I mean a- a /truck!/ Forreal!”

“Wow! What a match made in heaven,” Petra laughs from across the room, and although Levi has a sneaking suspicion Gabi isn’t quite sure what this means, she nods enthusiastically, still  supporting herself on Levi’s thigh as she jumps a little - the excitement of it all too much for her little body to handle. “Can I go in it one time?” she pleads, wide-eyed. “Please? Please?” 

“Of course you can,” Levi promises - not sure if that’s actually allowed, but fuck school guidelines - this kid, /his/ kid is /going/ in that truck if she so wants to. 

Shit, she can have a damn truck on her own if she wants that too, because Gabi is- she’s here, and emotion is claiming Levi’s body, and she’s everything he could have dreamed of, and how could anyone /ever/ bring a child - /his/ child, /his/ daughter, back? 

They spend the next hour or so playing. Gabi shows them all her toys - most of which, they learn, are cars and trucks and trains. Levi even gets to try on her clip-on bow while they have a pretend tea-party, in which Erwin and Gabi laugh so much Levi thinks he might burst with  love. And when it’s time for them to go, he hugs her tightly, promising that they’ll see her again soon, that he’ll bring her more photos of his truck.

They walk out of there happy, and once they’re back in the parking lot, Erwin kisses him carefully. When they part, all he  manages is an airy laugh, and Levi mirrors it - slapping his husband’s chest. “She’s amazing,” Erwin says, to which Levi nods. “She’s amazing, Levi, I- I can’t believe it.” 

“Yeah,” Levi agrees, leaning against him. “She’s fucking… she’s great. Truck enthusiast, too, wouldn’t have expected that.”

Erwin chuckles as he leans down to kiss him again, and Levi spares no moment to lean into it.  Petra gets back to Artur, who lets them know they’ve made a great first impression. Gabi was apparently over the moon after they left, asked when she could go ‘home,’ a fact which had made Levi need a moment to collect himself in Artur’s office. 

And after their second meeting, which happens in a following week (entailing Gabi excitedly asking Levi about his truck while they play with trains), they feel confident enough to start telling people about their plans to adopt. 

Nanaba and Miche are over the moon for them, and the next time they come visit, they bring over a red toy car as a gift. It becomes one of many - Levi smiles stupidly to himself when he picks one up himself at the store, and then another, and then  Erwin buys a set of them. Uri is ecstatic when they tell him and Kenny, sparing no moment to hug them both with congratulations. Kenny is a tad bit more sceptical, but he quickly warms up to the idea of it once he hears about the girl’s evident fascination with cars. 

They meet with Gabi again, this time in a park. Petra smiles as Erwin and Gabi play on the slides, and Levi spares no moment to pull his wallet out when they spot a coin-operated car ride for kids in a nearby shop. The meeting officially ends there, a few hours later,  but they decide to walk Petra and Gabi back to the children’s home, both of them holding one little hand each.

“Bye!” Gabi yaps once they get back, clinging to Erwin’s neck. “Bye, Gabi. We’ll see you soon, okay?” 

“Okay!” the girl smiles, and Levi squeezes Erwin’s hand as they make their way over to the door.

As always, Levi can’t seem to shake the smile Gabi’s presence seems to plaster to his face. Erwin notices -  he squeezes Levi’s hand to catch his attention as they make their way over to the car. “Okay?” he asks. Levi nods. “Mm.”

“I just wanna bring her home already,” the blonde says, patting down his pockets while the shorter man waits for him to unlock the car. 

“I don’t think I’ve eve- oh.”

“What?”

“Shoot. My jacket, I left it in there. The car keys.”

Levi snorts as he shakes his head. “Oh no,” he mocks. “Guess we’ll have to go back in there and see Gabi again. Subtle, Smith.” 

Erwin laughs loudly as he takes Levi’s hand again. “My master plan wouldn’t involve losing our car keys. But I suppose I’m not too upset.”

They make their way back inside, and not finding Petra anywhere, they assume she’s still in the playroom with Gabi. 

And she is. They both are.

They don’t need to open the door to tell. Because Gabi is crying. And Levi stops dead in his tracks.

“... But… but what if they /don’t,/” they hear her tremble, all previous happiness in the girl’s voice completely vanished.  “And- and then I have to go /here/ again, and…”

“They adore you, Gabi,” he hears Petra reassure. “They’re so excited to see you again, okay? I know it’s scary.” Gabi sniffles some. There’s a small thud of something falling over, or tumbling to the ground.  “B-but that’s what you said /last time,/” she whimpers. “And they didn’t like me, and… and then… and today I was too /loud,/ and that’s what they said too, and…” 

Erwin’s wide-eyed when he looks up at him, brows turned up in concern. And Levi can’t fucking blame him, because he can only assume what this is about - Gabi’s previous adopters, who changed their minds a few months in.  And… and although he supposes it’s only natural for her to have this worry, for her to be scared this will happen again, Levi’s heart fucking /breaks,/ because what does she mean /too loud?/ Is that what those previous fuckwads told her? 

“I-I don’t wanna be like that,” Gabi sobs then. “I w-want Er…Erwin and L-Levi to /like/ me /too-/”

Okay, absolutely not. Absolutely fucking not. 

Levi pushes past Erwin to open the door, and as if his poor old heart wasn’t broken already, it certainly is when he sees the state of Gabi now.  The girl’s cheeks are puffy and red, eyes bloodshot with tears, lids slightly puffy, and that’s his fucking kid, his child - or… or /potential/ kid, but she’s already his in Levi’s mind, and as if on instinct, he rushes forward. 

Gabi reaches out for him with a sob, and Levi nearly cries too as she clings to him. “Don’t think that,” he manages, cups the back of her head as she buries her face in his neck to cry. “Please don’t think that, ever. Okay?” 

Something shuffles to his right - Petra is standing up, Levi thinks, and he hears Erwin carefully explain that they forgot their keys as he too crouches down by him, one hand firm on Levi’s back, the other on Gabi’s own. 

“I-I wanna g-go with /you,/” Gabi sobs. Levi’s pretty close to sobbing, too. “You will,” he says. “We want you to come with us, too. So much.”

“Gabi… Is that what you’re worried about?” Erwin asks carefully. “That you’ll be sent back here?” 

Looking up, Gabi nods, breath hitching slightly as she palms at her cheek. Levi’s quick to dry her other one with his thumb. “Hey. Hey, that’s not gonna happen. Okay?” he says. “I promise you.”  Erwin nods in agreement. “If we could, we’d bring you home right this instant. It was gonna be a surprise, but… we already bought you some cars, you know.”

Levi hums, agreeing. “And… we got a room for you. When you come home, we can paint it together. That sound okay, kiddo?”  Sniffling a little, Gabi nods. She leans against Levi’s chest once more, and he can’t help but press a small kiss into her hair. “... We already love you. That’s not gonna change, no matter how loud you think you are. I’m telling you, Erwin’s pretty loud too. Huh?” 

At that, Gabi laughs a little - a small victory. Levi smiles faintly, though concern still lingers in his mind. He hugs her tighter. “And… I doubt those last people were as hyped up about trucks as you and I are. Huh? Do you?”

“N-no,” Gabi whimpers. 

“I don’t either,” Levi smiles. He tucks a wisp of brown hair back behind her ear. “And we’re not ever gonna send you back,” Erwin continues, still evidently concerned. “In our minds, you’re already a part of our family.” 

“P-promise?”

“I promise.”

Levi leans his head against Erwin’s shoulder, and when Gabi hugs him once, he spares no moment to pull her in.  When they leave again, it’s ruefully. They both make sure to hug the girl tightly before they go, once again reassuring her that everything is okay - that /she/ is okay. Petra thanks them at the door, to which they say ‘of course,’ because what else is there to fucking do?  They’re meant to be the kid’s parents, for fucks sake, of course they’re gonna comfort her if she’s sad, no matter what it’s about.

Levi is the one who drives them back. Erwin is too emotional to take the wheel himself, absentmindedly staring out of the window for the entire ride, only breaking out of his distant haze when Levi leans over to kiss him in their driveway.

The next day, Artur calls again. They’ve been approved. 

They can take Gabi home.

A few days later, they pick her up, all three of them fucking ectatic as they strap Gabi, their /kid,/ their fucking /daughter,/ officially, not potentially, their /official/ daughter, into the seat they’ve installed in the back.  And Gabi is excited and ecstatic as they show her around the house, show her her cars, her room.

It’s not difficult to decide on a colour for her walls. Gabi’s favourite colour is pink, and so pink it is - they spend the entire day painting the walls.  Gabi even gets a little brush of her own.

They buy bedsheets with cars on them. A train set and a carpet with cartoon roads on it, and if Gabi isn’t playing football with Levi in the garden or helping Erwin cook, she’s driving her toy truck down those grey, fuzzy roads. 

She’s nervous as she meets Uri and Kenny. But the taller and grumpier of the two suggests they go for a drive in his Jeep, and Gabi is more than happy. They get ice cream, and Uri braids her hair.

A social worker comes by for a check-up. 

For the first time, Gabi refers to Levi as ‘daddy.’ He tries his best not to cry in front of their visitor.

They go on trips to the duck-pond. They play on the swings in the park, go for ice cream on the weekends. 

One day, stars align, and Erwin and Gabi pick Levi up while he’s driving his truck. Gabi shrieks with joy as she plays with the wheel, on Levi’s lap.

Levi has been ‘daddy’ for a long while, but one day, over dinner, Gabi calls Erwin ‘papa’ out of nowhere.  Levi has to slap his back as the blonde chokes on his potatoes.

Gabi spends all day playing. She’s got heavy lids by dusk, responses diluted down to short hums and groans. Levi carries her to bed. Erwin comes with. 

They sit by her bedside then, and Levi carefully threads his fingers through her hair as she sleeps. It’s getting longer. He’ll have to take her to a hairdresser one of these days.  He turns his head to let Erwin know of this, only to find the other man breathing just as heavily beside him, head leaned against Gabi’s bed as he sleeps. Levi snorts. He decides not to wake him. Instead, he sits there, smiling faintly as he watches his little family.