Chapter Text
"So where is your hotel staff?" Alastor asked, looking around the empty place with a raised eyebrow.
The hotel lobby, which in any other running hotel would be hustling and bustling with foot traffic and patrons alike, was like a ghost town which was fitting for a metaphor after death. In fact, it looked more like a rundown, abandoned building rather than an up and coming business. It was just laughable the disaster he walked into, the princess of hell would be kissing his feet when he was through with this place because without his help, it was clear this ploy was doomed from the start.
"Uh... well..." Charlie nervously rubbed her arm and shyly looked down to the floor before gesturing to her girlfriend who was stood with her arms crossed, glaring daggers straight at Alastor as if already anticipating his criticism.
"Oh ho ho, you're going to need more than that." Alastor shook his head with a cocky grin plastered on his face as he walked away towards Angel.
"And what do you do my effeminate fellow?"
"I can suck your dick." Angel answered with a smirk, blatantly checking the deer demon out as he scanned his eyes up and down his form. Alastor's face was frozen in shock for a brief second before he composed himself.
"No." He quickly moved away from the spider, clearly uncomfortable but not wanting to show any weakness.
"Your loss." Angel said with a cheeky smile, resting his cheek on his hand watching as Alastor retreated.
"Well this just wont do! I suppose I can cash in a few favours to liven things up." Alastor snapped his fingers and a fire immediately started in the previously unlit firepit and a black lump of coal plopped down from the chimney. Alastor picked up the black mass, uncharred and unbothered by the flame, before a large eye popped open from it making everyone jump back. The figure then chirped happily and the soot had fallen completely from her to reveal an adorable little demon to which Alastor dropped her and introduced,
"This little darling is Niffty!"
She cutely waves at the demons staring down at her in either confusion or amazement.
"Hi I'm Niffty, it's nice to meet you." She greeted sweetly while her eye spun around like wild, inspecting all three new people in front of her.
"It's been a while since I've made new friends! Why are you all woman?" She asks bluntly with a confused look. Angel shot her an offended look but didn't bother to correct her as it hadn't been the first time he'd been misgendered. Just meant his body was banging enough to be lumped in with the princess of hell and her girlfriend. Nifty then picked up Charlie above her head in her excitement, looking under her.
"ARE THERE ANY MEN HERE?" She shouted then abruptly put the princess down as fast as she had picked her up, realising her mistake. "Sorry that's rude. Oh man this place is filthy! Really needs a ladies touch which is weird cause you're all ladies, no offense. OH MY GOSH this is awful! Nope nope nope!" Nifty instantly started to run around cleaning everything she could, the spider webs from the window sill, the dust on the photo frames, the bugs hiding in the furniture. She was like blur, darting around the room faster than anyone could even blink, clearly distressed at the state of the place.
Just then, when all eyes had previously been on the overexcited little cyclops, a pool table appeared in the middle of the lounge with winged cat slamming down a set of cards.
"Ha! Read em and weep boys- Ooooh-!" Husk exclaimed, looking completely dazed as he was transported to a dingy hotel surrounded by symbols and static. "What the fuck is this?" he grumbled. His eyes looked around the room suspiciously before they reached Alastor who was standing behind him smiling in amusement. "You!"
"Ah Husker my good friend, glad you could make it!"
"Don't you Husker me you son of a bitch, I was about to win the whole damn pot!" He gestured to stacks of cash in the middle of the table which then turned to static and disappeared before their eyes.
"Good to see you too." Alastor smirked, always enjoying winding up the old drunk whenever he could.
Husk facepalmed.
"The hell do you want with me this time?" He grumbled, dragging his hand down his face. He knew anytime Alastor got him involved in one of his schemes it ended up in disaster and hoped this was just a quick job so he could get back to his life of drinking and gambling where no Radio Demons pissed him off any time they could just for the fun of it!
Alastor roughly threw his arm round Husk's shoulders, despite the cat visibly annoyed with the contact.
"My friend, I am doing some charity work so I took it upon myself to offer your services." Alastor poked him in the chest, riling him up further. Husker only growled and looked even more enraged if possible. "I hope that's okay."
"Are you shitting me?!"
"Hmm.. No I don't think so"
"You thought it would be some kind of big fucking riot to pull me out of nowhere? You think I'm some sort of clown?!" Husk demanded although he damn well already knew the answer he was going to get. Especially since Alastor was simply staring over at him with that same shit-eating grin he usually did when toying with people.
"Maybe."
"I ain't doing no fucking charity job." Husk huffed.
"Well I figured you would be the perfect face to man the front desk of this establishment! With your charming smile," Alastor pulled a smile on Husk's face which then instantly dropped to his neutral grumpy expression once he was released. "And welcoming energy, this job was made for you! Don't worry, my friend, I can make this more welcoming, if you wish." He lowered his arm and there appeared a bottle of cheap booze sitting on the bar top which Husk couldn't take his eyes off of.
"What you think you can buy me with some cheap booze!" he grabbed the bottle while threateningly poking Alastor in the chest who remained grinning from ear to ear. Husk's eyes then dart to the bottle, the temptation to deny himself proving too hard. "Well you can!" Husk went to his assigned space behind the bar, aggressively chugging his bottle.
"Hey hey hey hey, no!" Vaggie interjected, waving her arms furiously then pointed to the bar. "No bar! No alcohol! This is supposed to be a place that discourages sin! Not some kind of brothel man-cave!"
In a split second at the end of her rant, Angel had tackled her to the ground.
"Shut up! Shut up! We are keeping this!" He pointed to the bar - as well as Husk - with all four of his hands then instantly left Vaggie still lying on the floor so he could slide up the bar to lean against it seductively and gave the handsome barman a wink. "Hey-"
"Go fuck yourself." Husk growled, cutting Angel off so he could go back to drinking his bottle.
"Only if you watch me." Angel retorted quick as a whip and leaned over the bar to touch Husk's face which clearly flustered the cat.
"Oh my gosh!" Charlie leaped onto the bar, cutting the flirting off unintentionally. "Welcome to the Happy Hotel! You are going to love it here!" She squealed with her Disney Princess eyes in excitement. She leaned forward into Husk's space - to the point where he had to lean back - so she could shake his hand.
"I lost the ability to love years ago." Husk grumbled, ignoring her hand and went to drinking.
"And finally," Alastor snapped his fingers and in a flash of more static and symbols, a chaise lounge appeared with a beautiful young woman who looked just like a doe serenely reading a book, sitting one leg over the other like a lady. She was dressed in a black dress with long sleeves and a length that flowed to her ankles with lace up black boots to match.
"Huh?" You look around confused, suddenly sitting in what looked like a lounge of a hotel until your eyes landed on Alastor. You jumped up and pointed an accusatory finger at him. "Fils de pute! I told you I never wanted to see you again!"
"Actually, my dear, I believe your exact words were 'I don't want to see you for the next century' and well, would you look at the time!" He stood with the same taunting grin, flashing his watch at you almost mockingly. His grin never faltered, not even when the book you were reading struck him in the side of the head from you throwing it in your rage. Everyone seemed to hold their breath at the display, wondering if the Radio Demon would snap and destroy you with a flick of his wrist but all he did was pull you to his side as he had done with the rest of the new staff introductions.
"Everyone, this is Evangeline from Hell's illustrious 'Evangeline's Edibles' before it was destroyed in the latest extermination."
You gave Alastor a partially confused and disgusted look at the realisation that he had kept tabs on you all these years. Not only that but announcing her devastating news of her totalled restaurant that left her jobless and soon to be homeless since she couldn't keep up with her rent without a pay cheque.
"She will be the chef for this joint."
Your eyes turn into literal flames at that and smoke starts emitting from your head. How dare this beast of a man volunteer you for a job! Like you would want or need anything from him when you had been doing fine all on your own!... Well before fucking angels destroyed your business but still. You wanted to burn Alastor to the ground and it was clear he could see it but he just patted your head, unbothered by the embers on the top of your head beginning to form.
"Careful, darling, don't want to set off the sprinklers in your new line of work on the first day!" He laughed heartedly and quickly moved away when you tried to take a bite of his hand that had tried to rest on your head after patting you like a dog.
"Hey, speakin' of joints - I been to your restaurant, toots, and that is the biggest false advertisement I've eva' seen! Wasn't fuckin' weed in anythin'!" Angel butted in. Vaggie's head then snapped in his direction at the outburst glared venomously at him to which he raised his hands in self defence before the moth demon could pounce at him. "Calm yer tits, it was before I came here! Geez."
"So what do ya think?" Alastor asked once he slinked up to Charlie smugly.
"This is amazing!" Charlie gushed and started rubbing her cheeks in amazement. She couldn't believe the Radio Demon was being so nice and helping with her project! In just a few minutes, he had hired practically a full staff which meant more patrons which meant helping more of her people! She couldn't wait to get started!
"Its... okay." Vaggie huffed, completely contrasting Charlie's excitement, standing by her side with her arms crossed. It was obvious she didn't like the new staff nor trust them since they all stemmed from one of the most dangerous and powerful demons in hell. She loved her girlfriend but she also knew that she was incredibly naïve and not all demons deserved a second chance but she still wanted to help Charlie help the ones who genuinely wanted to try and redeem - not help with whatever freak show of entertainment and failure the Radio Demon wanted to turn it into.
Alastor laughed and pulled both girls close. "This is going to be very entertaining!" He then distracted Charlie by lifting his hand for her to dance while simultaneously pushing Vaggie out of the way. Music could then be heard fading into the room.
"Oh Satan, he's going to fucking sing." You grumbled, rolling your eyes and squeezing the bridge of your nose to try and stop the headache threatening to start.
"You have a dream, you wish to tell," Alastor spun Charlie, using his magic to change the both of their outfits to something far more dapper as if they were out dancing out on the town. "and its just laughable but hey kid, what the hell?"
He threw her in the air in an act of showmanship while Charlie looked overcome with happiness and excitement, her smile was almost bigger than Alastor's. She landed at the top of the staircase with him and they began to tap dance together before sliding down the stairs.
"Cause you're one a kind, a charming demon belle! Now lets give these burning fools a place to dwell!" Alastor snapped his fingers and everyone in the room was also dressed in a different outfit who all looked down at their sudden costume change, other than Husk who looked like he was either used to this or just too done with this shit to even care. You were now wearing an elegant, lacy, white dress that looked almost like a wedding dress with your hair now in an up-do and a red rose tucked behind your ear. You angrily snatched the rose from your hair and stomped on it.
"Take it boys!" Alastor snapped again and shadows appeared from the cracks of the floorboards to all playing backing jazz band in this crazy production. Vaggie tried to go up to Charlie who was distracted by the band and enjoying a cheerful little dance but Alastor was quick to grab her and pull her into a crushing hug with the rest of the staff and Angel before letting them go abruptly.
"Inside of every demon is a lost cause," He once again grabbed Angel and Husk close, moving everyone as if they were simply puppets on a string for him to play with, and slapped hats on each of them before dancing away. Husk waved his fist threateningly as if contemplating in risking it all to attack the Radio Demon before just flipping him off, while Angel just smirked and shot him finger guns clearly already seeing Alastor's statement as true. "But we'll dress them up for now with just a smile!"
Alastor then wrapped a feathered boa around your neck and spun you around before smacking you in the ass with a teasing grin and a wink. Your eyes go on fire again and you grit your teeth, ready to attack him before his shadows intercept you, the bastard obviously expecting such a reaction from you. He then danced away but not before shoving Vaggie away from getting to Charlie once again and the moth looked perhaps just as angry as you did.
"And we'll chlorinate this cesspool with some old redemption flair! And show these simpletons some proper class and style!
here below the ground, I'm sure your plan is sound!" He spun around a delighted Charlie one last time into a twirl before raising his arms for dramatic effect. "They'll spend a little time, down at this Hazbin Ho-" An explosion behind him interrupted his finale and the door went flying, knocking Niffty back who had been enjoying the song thoroughly while the rest of the group stood there sharing a shocked look before going outside and inspecting what had caused it.
A rusty looking aircraft floated just above the hotel and out popped a snake man.
"Ha! Well well well, look who it is harbouring the striped freak!" Everyone all stood staring at him inquisitively. "We meet yet again, Alastor." He addressed the Radio Demon directly with a menacing expression.
On the other hand, Alastor looked to be thinking. "Do I know you?" He sounded genuinely curious but his wicked smile told you differently. He was just trying to get a rise out of the other man. He got his wish because the snake visibly deflated.
"Oh yes you do!" He retreated back into his aircraft but you all could still hear him aggressively cranking levers and pushing buttons. "and this time I have the element of... Surprise!"
Out popped a giant weapon directly in front of you all at eye level looking like it was charging up and about to blast everyone as well as the hotel into erasure.
"Hahahaha I'm so evil!" The snake cackled.
Just then, a ring of fire and smoke immediately surrounded the aircraft and giant, monstrous, black tentacles reached out to grab the ship and it's weapon, pulling it down with the sound of sirens going off mixed with the snake's horrifying screams of terror. Alastor just stood there with the same grin while static and symbols appeared all around him and his shadow minions floated around the aircraft before it exploded.
The group stood there with dazed and terrified looks other than you who was only shooting Alastor a look of contempt - you'd seen worse from him, unfortunately - while he stood grinning evilly at the destruction he just caused.
"Well I'm starved! Who's up for some grub?" Alastor went back to his cheerful and friendly persona in the flick of a switch, turning back to everyone with his arms excitedly open. "I'm sure our darling chef will cook us something to die for, maybe even literally considering her habit to season her food with poison." He walked back towards the hotel, Niffty practically skipping next to you as you stomped behind him. You were followed by Angel, blowing Husk a kiss who stared at him in angry confusion. Lastly was Charlie giving Vaggie a reassuring smile and peck on the cheek before they too followed but Vaggie's worried expression didn't drop. "You could say the kick was right out of hell! Oh ho I'm on a roll, yes sir, this is the start to some real changes around here! the game is set, now stay tuned!"
Once you were in the hotel you had to reassure everyone that you didn't poison your food before you could even begin to start looking at the inventory to scrap up a meal for seven in such short notice. The nerve of that bastard, implying any dish you served was less than perfect! The only one you had ever poisoned was his and he had deserved it! Such a drama queen, it wasn't like he could've died from it but you always did know him to be one for the theatrics, making mountains out of molehills and the like.
However when it came to holding grudges, two could play at that game and that would always be one you would win at.
The group all settled around the large dining table in the kitchen while you rifled around looking through the sparse ingredients for dinner. Angel was leaning over the table, resting his elbow on it with his chin in his hand and still flirting relentlessly with Husk who looked like he hated every bit of the attention and was trying to slouch away from him. Niffty was excitedly talking Alastor's ear off a mile a minute about what she had been up to since they had last seen other, and was met by him smiling almost kindly and nodding along. Charlie was rubbing Vaggie's back, who had her knees up to her chin and hugging her legs with her feet on the chair as if she was trying to curl up on herself and still shooting daggers at everyone else sat at the table. Both of them were having their own private hushed conversation, clearly about Vaggie's distrust towards the new staff but Charlie seemed to be able to sweetly smile and bat her eyes a certain way that had her girlfriend like puffy and more agreeable but it still didn't change her mind or help her unease.
You managed to whip up a large dish of Pickled Cabbage and seasoned it well, as well as stewed vegetables and spicy chicken strips. You would have to pull the princess aside and get her to stock up this kitchen because it was a miracle you could even make this with the little she had in the fridge and pantry. It was becoming obvious to you that she was just a young, inexperienced girl trying to start a business on a dream, hard work and determination alone rather than common sense and an understanding of the very thing she's trying to run: A business. Her wishful thinking is certainly an admirable trait but a foolish one, especially after seeing the spectacle she made herself on the news. Never did you think you would be dragged into this mess but here you are.
You went around the table and set everyone's utensils as well as got their water - taking you back to your waitress days when you were alive which was kinda nice - before plating all the meals and bringing them over. As you walked around the table handing out the plates to Charlie and Niffty first, you spotted the lack of etiquette from some and raised your eyebrow disapprovingly. As you brought Angel's plate over and placed it in front of him, you whacked his elbow on the table with your large wooden spoon, hard enough for him to yelp in surprised pain and taking his elbow in his other arm to rub delicately. "What the fuck, lady?!" He exclaimed.
"Elbows off the table."
Angel glared at you, still rubbing his arm but he quickly forgot about it and burst out laughing when he seen Husk get the same treatment when you brought his plate, only difference is he got wacked on his back which made him sit up straight and look so much taller because of it. Husk hissed at you like any cat ready to fight.
"No slouching!" You snapped which caused him to grumble and simply let it drop, tucking into his dinner. You then turned to Vaggie with a raised eyebrow and pointedly look at her knees which were still at her chin, waving the spoon in your hand as if silently asking her if she wanted the same thing but smart girl, she got the message and put her feet down from the chair so she was sitting properly. You gave her a smile as you brought her plate over despite her shooting you a wary look.
"So this is gonna be fun, right?" Charlie asked with a toothy smile whilst the rest, other than Alastor, grumbled in response. "I think this will be really great to get to know one and other!"
"Splendid Idea, Charlotte!" Alastor agreed wholeheartedly, bringing his face to close to yours when you bent over to serve him his plate which you pointedly ignored and went to go get your own plate and sit down with them.
"So how do you all know each other?" Charlie asked curiously while cutting into her dinner, making polite dinner conversation as any royal would but also wanting to seize the opportunity for her bonding moment with her new staff and hopefully, friends in the future.
Alastor interjected once again, obviously loving the sound of his own voice. He would have to, with being a radio host in life and death, after all. Still, no matter how many times he did it, it still bothered you any time he piped up. Just hearing his voice again was like nails on a chalkboard- well he did have a lovely, charming voice but only to stupid, naïve things like Charlie who believed the lies he spewed just because it was coming from a pretty source.
"Well Niffty and Husker are near and dear, reliable friends of mine. I can always count on them to get me out of a pickle." He held up a forkful of his dinner, grinning manically at his pun while the others gave him dirty looks varying from annoyed to incredulous. He then gestured to you with a lovesick expression which you returned with a cold stare. "And that gorgeous specimen of a woman, angel incarnate even in hell, wind beneath my wings, apple to my eye-"
You rolled your eyes at this slime ball's words. How dare he try and flatter his ways into your good graces after 100 years of peace from him, as if you wanted to hear any words come out his mouth directed at or about you ever again. As if no time had passed between the two of you. As if you weren't still so pissed at him that you would gladly strangle the afterlife out of him then shoot him in the head just to make sure he wouldn't come back.
"I'm his wife." You growled, glaring straight at him and flipped him off with your left hand, unintentionally showing off the thorns around your ring finger that wrapped all the way around just like a wedding ring that looked like it was stabbed into your skin. There was also scars surrounding the area as if you had tried - and failed - many times to rip the damn thing off, which you had.
Everyone - bar Alastor, of course - stared at you in utter shock and surprise.