Chapter Text
“Who the hell is Bucky?” the Soldier raised the gun, but before he could shoot, he caught movement from the corner of his eye… and jumped behind a car just as Natalia shot a grenade at him. He rolled, then slipped away, back to his handler, as he was supposed to do.
The Soldier knew he had been someone before , but he had never learned his name. He knew two things about the before , that that person had a little sister, and that he hadn’t been a weapon. The Soldier had been born in 1971, twenty six years after this before character had been taken by HYDRA. Just because HYDRA had created him did not mean he felt any loyalty to them. He did not like them, and they hurt him often. They still thought he was going to revert back into the person before . He was not, but he was not allowed to speak unless spoken to. The few times he had, they had only punished him worse.
He could not get away from them. He knew where they were, he knew the workings of HYDRA, but he would not be free until they were all dead. However, at that point, he had no resources to hurt them, he could disobey, but it was counterproductive to do so. So, he stayed, he did what he was ordered to do, because he couldn’t do anything else.
It was after the crash of the three helicarriers that the Soldier found freedom. He had fallen, having fought against the one named Captain America, or Steve Rogers. He hadn’t won that fight, but he could have ended him when the other stopped fighting. The Soldier was tempted to end him, but the other had shown him mercy, and he would pay that debt quickly. He refused to own anyone anything, especially someone like Captain America.
He left after dragging Steve’s body out of the Potomac. He raided the frantic base that he had been kept in and stole what he needed, taking all the gear he could carry while still staying as effective as needed. He executed the struggling members and scientists before departing. HYDRA, and everyone who worked for or with them, would die at his hand. Revenge, but it was also going to be cathartic. He wanted to be a person, not a tool, and this was the first action that needed to be taken to reach this objective.
The Soldier had been in hiding, killing HYDRA agents where he could find them, destroyed a base or two. The news had blamed the explosions on gas leaks or accidents. He also followed people who were attacking HYDRA. The Avengers, they were called. They were lead by Captain America, and the Soldier knew about each of them. His handler, the last one, had given him the files on each member. He had been told to avoid all Threat Level Six members, there was only one of those on the team, Tony Stark: the Iron Man. He was also to avoid Dr. Bruce Banner, due to the monster he could become. The Soldier was strong, but he was not strong enough to survive a fight with the beast called the Hulk.
Natalia was part of the Avengers. He found himself watching out for her when he could. As they took down the base in Sokovia, the Soldier kept up in the trees, hiding but picking off the agents that dare shoot at her. He cared about her. He felt bad for turning her into the weapon she had been, but he would never feel bad for making sure she survived despite the conditions. She had been the best, his favourite, and unlike the nine he had terminated, he had always been as kind to her as he could afford.
Clint Barton was another Avenger. The Soldier found that he didn’t like him much. He as loud, and brash. He fought with a bow. Inefficient. He moved with inhuman agility, but that was the extent of his abilities, as far as the Soldier could see. He spoke with Natalia through the devices in their ears and he didn’t like what he heard. The familiarity, as if he was worthy of being someone of equal standing as Natalia. He could have taken him out, but the way Natalia replied to him sounded like she held a fondness for him, and the Soldier didn’t want to take yet another ‘good’ thing from her. He had done that too much.
Thor, the Asgardian, was also on the team. The Soldier observed him, but he didn’t think him much of a threat. Thor was large and he was strong, but he had a diminished ability to strategize and think. He followed the Captain’s orders and struck down opponents quickly but brutally. He wasn’t a threat to the Soldier, a level below him in HYDRA’s system, but he would take time and a plan to terminate due to his durability and the magic hammer he wielded (possibly the only thing that set him apart from Captain America).
Then there was the team leader, Captain America. He didn’t watch him much, because he was disinterested with him. Steve, though, had an obsession with the person from before , and the Soldier didn’t like that. The more he learned of Bucky Barnes, the more he disliked him. The Soldier was glad to have come in existence, and he, at one point had felt bad that he had taken over a life, no longer felt as a parasite who ruined Bucky’s life. He was better than Bucky, so he could only have improved. The world hadn’t lost too much at the disappearance of Bucky Barnes, but they had gained the Soldier. The Soldier was much better, in his opinion but perhaps that was just him being selfish. He didn’t care, though, and Steve’s obsession with his past made him annoying.
Steve had been climbing all the trails that pointed in his direction, and that only made the Soldier’s work harder. It made his life more complicated than it had to be. He wasn’t yet a person, he was becoming more and more autonomous, but he hadn’t a name yet, he hadn’t a birthday, he hadn’t a true life beyond his mission to exterminate HYDRA. The Soldier, despite disliking the complication Steve brought, was also sort of glad that he could get used to the annoyances of being a person before he dove into being an individual. He still didn’t like Steve, though.
The Hulk, and Bruce Banner, were threats due to their unpredictability, but the Soldier had been told that Banner hadn’t wanted to be involved and had little motivation to truly act as a unit with the others. The Soldier almost shot when Natalia approached the raging green beast, but quickly climbed down and ran through the trees to get a new vantage point when the beast shrunk back into a human shape. Natalia knew how to handle herself, he had made sure of that before he was recalled, at the very least.
The true threat on the team, the Threat Level Six, was Tony Stark. The Iron Man with enough power to topple empires and the technology to advance his empire into the far reaches of space, to where no other humans had gone before. Tony Stark had all the things that HYDRA had been afraid of. He had resources, intelligence, motivation, and skill beyond that of a normal (or even above average) human. He had been a true threat to HYDRA, and the Soldier had been trained to either avoid and retreat if targeted by Iron Man, or to reason and persuade until it became too dangerous to stay close to him. He didn’t want Tony Stark to become an Asset, he didn’t want to force someone so brilliant into a position he himself was forced into, so he avoided him at all costs. He watched Iron Man, though, and admired him and his ability. His words were wonderful, always so smart, even when he was insulting somebody, and his movements as graceful as someone trained, which the Soldier had been informed Stark had not been.
The Soldier entered the HYDRA base and slid through the rooms, taking out agents and scientists. They tried to order him, but he was not their Asset, he was the Soldier, and the Soldier was his own person now (or at least he was becoming one). The sound of footsteps from behind the door alerted him of another presence, so he climbed high and out of sight, and watched as Stark entered the room where he had left the dead scientists.
“It appears you had some enemies stronger than us, huh?” He looked around, taking in the destruction. The Soldier stayed silent, still, the ability to stay still and silent for extremely long durations of time trained into him through numerous grueling sessions. He could do almost anything required, if not everything, to complete his task and/or mission.
When the Soldier saw Wanda Maximoff approach, he hadn’t the time to kill her. He also knew that he had been spotted since Pietro stood in near the other side of the room staring at him. He had been seen and he would be required to leave. The Enhanced were strong. He was immune to their powers, but his weapons were not. Any bullets shot could be avoided or turned on him, and he couldn’t risk dying just yet.
The twins left as Wanda sent Stark into a daze with her red magic. The Soldier left quickly after that as well, and he avoided the Avengers and HYDRA for a month or so after the encounter. He hid with the harmless homeless people. They didn’t bother him, and he didn’t bother them. They would even trade with him. A man, named Arthur, would sometimes offer him food in exchange for his help with things. Arthur was a man that lived near the area the homeless tended to gather at night, and he seemed to want to help, but also he made them feel as though it wasn’t just charity, like his care was genuine. The man ran a business, a restaurant two streets down from where he lived, and the Soldier hadn’t found the man to be hostile or scheming, so he assisted in exchange for sustenance.
The Soldier hadn’t a real need for as much food as he had been given, so he often gave it to the others who used the same warehouse as a shelter. He cared for them, the children especially, since their circumstance wasn’t of their own making. He tried to help the best he could.
He didn’t speak more than necessary, and he rarely saw anyone beside the same homeless faces in the warehouse, so he hadn’t a reason to leave. Jacob, a thirteen year old boy, and his little twin siblings, Samantha and Richard, were all on their own. They had no parents, and he sometimes watched over them just to make sure they weren’t hurt. They reminded him of the girls in the Red Room. He wasn’t the best at help, and he wasn’t the best at socializing, so he was quiet, but Jacob went to him if he needed something and he tried to help the best he could.
Then he caught wind of the issue in Sokovia. A war that killed, orphaned, and ruined so many innocent people. He left the warehouse after giving Jacob a knife and telling him that defense wasn’t wrong, that his and his family’s safety was important, and then the bundle of American dollars he had collected. Jacob had thanked him. It felt good to help someone.
The new Avengers Compound was big news as well as their newest member: Wanda Maximoff. He found it easily and scouted it out for a few days. He saw Steve and Sam Wilson, the Falcon, run the track outside, winding around the lush lawn, every morning. He watched as Stark drove out of the compound garage with a sports car every few days, or when Virginia Potts arrived to visit with him. He saw no others venture outside, until the day he had the perfect opportunity to kill Wanda Maximoff.
He chose a position a good seventy to a hundred feet away, perched in a tall beech tree. The good thing about beech trees where that they were tall, but the visible trunk was short, while the rest was covered with thick leaves that hid him well. He had made a small spot in the leaves to see from, pushing them out of the way, and then, just as Wanda Maximoff started to laugh and went to touch Steve, he shot her.
Her head’s explosion was seen even from his far away vantage point, and for a long moment, the other Avengers were very still. A man, one that the Soldier had yet to see despite the week he spent scouting the compound, had phased through a wall and made eye contact with him. The Soldier quickly slung the rifle over his shoulder and jumped from the tree. He had a variety of other weapons on him, but the bullets he had stolen from HYDRA agent corpses only got him so far, so he had them hidden anyway.
Reloading was not an option. He had enough bullets in two of his handguns, since the rifle slung over his shoulder was the only rifle he had with him in that moment, and three knives.
The man advanced very fast. His feet didn’t touch the ground while he moved, and his blue eyes were narrowed in on him. The Soldier, at first, tried to run. Avoid confrontation unless absolutely necessary, but when the man approached faster than he could run, he turned to face the opponent and prepared for a fight. The man grabbed the back of his utility vest and the Soldier shot his wrist to force him to drop him. The bullet ricocheted and hit the tree beside him. The Soldier didn’t shoot again, but when he tried to get leverage to turn and stab, the man only held him tighter before he dragged him on the ground behind him. He wasn’t afraid of the soldier, and a bullet hadn’t affected him at all. The Soldier could admit he was worried about who and what this person was, but he hadn’t let the worry show.
He was dropped beside Wanda’s corpse. The Soldier assumed he would be instantly killed, so he had immediately prepared to fight as soon as he was let free, but the only ones moving were Clint and Steve.
Clint had grabbed his compacted bow from his pocket and jerked it in a fierce movement to prepare it before he did something similar with an arrow, although why he carried compacted and small version of his weapons rather than just a regular gun the Soldier did not know, before nocking and aiming it. The Soldier shot, and the bullet skimmed his cheek when Natalia pushed Clint to the ground. His flesh arm, the one carrying the gun, was grabbed by Steve, who grabbed his wrist in an attempt to force him to drop the weapon. The Soldier didn’t drop it, but raised the knife to force, and possibly stab, Steve into letting him free. Natalia threw a small disk at his metal arm, as she had done a year ago, which electrocuted his arm and shorted it out. It fell limp at his side, so now not only could he not use his arm to force Steve away, but if someone else were to attack, his other arm would be useless. He tried to pry his arm from Steve’s grip, but soon realized that Steve wouldn’t stop squeezing his wrist until he dropped the gun. When he left go of the gun, Steve released him and held his hands up in defense.
“You came back,” Steve said. The Soldier looked at him, but focused his attention on Clint, who had attacked, and tried to keep an eye on Tony and the metal man who were standing to the side. “I’m sorry. That had to hurt you. I’m shocked you came back, but I’m also shocked that you shot at us.”
“He killed Wanda!”
“Clint, calm down, he probably didn’t know what he was doing,” neither Clint or Natalia looked like they believed Steve. The Soldier had to wonder if Steve was being serious or if he was just trying to placate Clint, which he was failing at. “Did you think she was going to hurt us?” The Soldier didn’t reply.
“ Zachem ty eto sdelal ?” The Soldier looked to Natalia. Why had he done it? Did they not know what she was? What she is ?
“ Ona HYDRA,” when he said ‘hydra’ Steve and Clint flinched, but Steve had looked uncomfortable since he started his reply in Russian.
“She was changed,” Steve said just as Clint opened his mouth, “she had been taken by HYDRA, they experimented on her. Like you. She was good, now, but I understand that you thought we were in danger. We were safe, I promise.”
“ Mne plevat na tebya ,” Natalia frowned, but the Soldier continued to talk, “ Eto dlya menya .”
“What did that fucker just say?”
“He said that he didn’t kill her for us. He killed her for himself,” Natalia grabbed Clint’s wrist when he went to nock another arrow. “Don’t. He is stronger than you, even if he looks harmless right now.”
“Just means we need to take him out now, while we’re together,” Clint tries to shrug her off, but her grip tightens.
“We are not going to kill him. He’s been brainwashed by HYDRA. The Bucky I knew definitely wouldn’t want to hurt her for no reason. Maybe they had been paired together while they were in HYDRA’s control and he somehow was harmed and blamed her for it. He wouldn’t just kill her for no reason. He didn’t kill me, even though he was told to. Maybe he was sent here to keep her from talking,” the Soldier pulled the disk from his arm and it hit the ground. He smashed it with his boot.
“ Mne ne nravyatsya vashi popytku ostanovit’ menya, Natalia .”
Natalia paled, and so the Soldier continued.
“ Ne zastavlyay menya vredit tebe. Prosto otpusti menya .”
“We can’t. You are a danger to the world, and we help keep people like you from hurting innocents,” Natalia spoke to him as if he were truly a danger. It stung. He wouldn’t hurt just anyone. Nobody innocent would be hurt, nobody that wasn’t HYDRA would die at his hand. Never again would he allow someone to control him, he would not kill on orders. He would kill for himself.
“ A ty? ” Natalia’s jaw tightened, and Steve looked between them. Steve didn’t need to hear that, but Natalia did. She was not above him. She was dangerous as well. Just because he was better, more efficient, than her, did not mean she wasn’t a danger. Her time as an assassin and spy was something Clint seemed to bring up often, so they had to know her past.
“Buck, you need to speak English. We don’t understand you.”
“If I am such a danger,” the Soldier clarified for Steve, “why is Natalia free? She is a danger too, da ?” It seemed that the more the Soldier spoke, the more Steve frowned. The frown lines in his face interrupted the youthful, wrinkle-free skin. The sad, downward angled eyes also added the fact he was displeased, if not a little hurt. Why was he hurt? The Soldier hadn’t hurt him… yet. The Soldier knew that people like Steve were dangerous, too, but since he was not HYDRA, he had no current reason to harm him. The Soldier would only need a reason, though, because everyone on this team was a threat.
“First of all, Natasha, Bucky is not a real danger. Yes, he is trained, but he is hurt. We need to help him. Didn’t we help you? Second, Buck, you just need to put a little faith and trust in us. We promise we won’t hurt you. We definitely won’t hurt you, but we need to understand why you killed our friend. She was just a kid, she didn’t deserve that.”
“It was painless,” the Soldier reasoned, thinking that she didn’t deserve the painless and quick death he had given her. Not when she had killed and wounded so many people so painfully. “Did you not understand? She is HYDRA. Are you now HYDRA sympathizers? You believe in HYDRA? They cannot change.”
“By that reasoning, you are HYDRA too,” and the Soldier lashed out.
He was nothing like Wanda Maximoff. The Enhanced witch, the one that volunteered. Before he had been forced, and even then, he hadn’t wanted to hurt people, it was just what he did. It was his purpose, it was what he was good at. He followed orders, that was all he had ever known. Natalia pushed Steve out of his range and he quickly stopped.
“ V storonu ,” and Natalia had realized she was his weakness. She stood up taller, squaring her shoulders and crossing her arms.
“You won’t hurt me,” she stepped in front of him every time he attempt to move around her.
“Of course not. I’ve hurt you enough,” the Soldier stopped, stepping back. “If you do not believe me, then I do not care. She was HYDRA, and she was nothing like me. She…” he couldn’t find the word. “ Dobrovolno . She wanted to help them. She was not a good person.”
“You don’t know that,” Steve and Clint said together, but Natalia looked like she believed him. She was always smart, and now knowing she was his weakness, she probably knew he wouldn’t lie to her either. He had never lied to her, not even in the Red Room. When she asked him things, he told her the truth, even if he got punished for it afterwards. They needed to know the truth to survive, all of the girls (and Niko) did. They had nothing, the least he could give them was information and the skills to survive.
“You guys…” that was Tony Stark, and the Soldier looked at him. Tony met his eyes for less than a second before looking away, “we should get, uh, this cleaned up.”
“What? Don’t want her blood staining your precious lawn?” Clint asked, his words not masking the dislike of Tony, nor the opinion on his character. As if life hadn’t mattered to him, but his items and possessions did.
“No. I just… it’s not helping anything, and she needs to be cleaned up so she can have a proper funeral.”
The others agreed with that, even Clint (albeit reluctantly since it had been Stark’s suggestion), and Tony was on the phone, walking towards the compound to speak with someone who could clean up the scene. Steve touched Natalia’s shoulder, and she stepped aside for him. It made the Soldier angry that she allowed him to have that control. He really hoped she didn’t really defer to him, but gave him the illusion she did to stay in his good graces. She was better than Steve.
Steve slowly walked up to him, and he gently reached out to touch his shoulders. His hands were heavy on his shoulders, and he wanted to push him away, but he looked up at him, mustering the same defiance he had when he felt particularly rebellious with his handlers.
“Let’s go inside. You need to promise not to hurt anyone else, though. I know you’re a good person, somewhere, but you don’t remember right now. It’s alright, we all have our issues here, but you are dangerous, like Natasha said, so you need to give us your word.”
“I promise,” Steve seemed to accept that, but his face twisted with discomfort. The Soldier realized it was his accent that disturbed Steve so much. It only made the Soldier want to speak more, just to show off, to make Steve uncomfortable. Steve removed his hands and reached down to hold his flesh hand. The Soldier looked down at their hands for a moment before looking to Natalia. She didn’t spare a look to him and lead Clint, who was ranting about how they were letting a murderer inside their home, through the doors. The metal man followed Natalia and Clint while Steve continued to hold his hand and pull him along towards the compound. The Soldier didn’t like the physical contact, and he felt extremely unsafe going into unscouted, unknown territory with possible hostiles. He refused to allow his nerves and discomfort to show.
Steve pointed to a chair and gently pushed him towards it. He wanted to threaten him and tell him to not touch him again, but he didn’t. Natalia sat in the chair beside the one Steve directed him towards. He sat down and she crossed her legs.
“ Zachem ostavatsya ?” Natalia didn’t reply, but that nonresponse told him more than enough. She stayed, but she didn’t really want to. He could understand. She had stability here, so why not take advantage of that stability? The Soldier looked at Steve who was standing in the front of the room, in front of the TV. The couches and chairs in the room were formed in a semi-circle around the area he was standing. Tony walked into the room. He threw himself onto the couch beside Natalia and groaned.
“Vision informed me that he would rather stay out of this meeting and explore his feelings in his room. I told him we would respect his wishes, so we are not to go to his room.”
“That’s okay. I hope he’s feeling OK,” Steve said, Tony nodded. “I know we all are missing Wanda, already,” the Soldier noticed that Tony rolled his eyes. Nobody else seemed to notice, though. He knew Tony was smart, he must have known she was HYDRA, he must have known she couldn’t just ‘change’. “And it would be easy to blame Bucky, but it wasn’t him. Well, it was, but it wasn’t. Just like Wanda, he was forced to do what he did, and he likely didn’t realize what he was doing.”
“Why are we talking about him like he isn’t here? He’s been brainwashed, not lobotomized,” Tony was silenced with a glare from Steve, but the Soldier had to agree. Steve continued talking, though, not paying Tony’s comment any mind.
“So, I want you, Clint especially, to try and keep in mind that he wasn’t in control of his actions. Now, I know you’re probably scared, Buck, I mean, you’ve been on your own and you’re probably confused, but you seem to know Natasha. Nat, would you mind showing him around the compound? Tony, can we get him a bed?”
“Sure, I suppose you want his bed in your room?” Steve nodded, and Tony just sighed, “Can do, Spangles. I’ll get it ready, it’ll be done before dinner.”
The Soldier and Natalia looked at him and then at each other.
“I will show him around. C’mon Soldier--”
“His name is Bucky,” she turned away from Steve, but she didn’t correct herself as she waved for him to follow. The Soldier followed Natalia out of the room and into a hallway. There were four halls that lead to four different wings of rooms, and the main room they had been pulled into was the living ‘common’ area and there was a kitchen/dining area built into the side. Apparently the ‘Gentile Wing’ in the Northwest of the compound was filled with Natalia and the Vision (apparently the metal man), and had once housed Wanda as well. To the Northeast was ‘Tony’s Wing’ which was considered Tony’s in its entirety, but apparently a man named ‘Rhodey’ visited and stayed in those rooms too. Then there was the ‘Manly-Man Wing’ that had three rooms but five occupants (now including the Soldier, according to Natalia). Thor, Sam Wilson, Clint Barton, and Steve Rogers typically shared that wing. Natalia had told him that the rooms were divided into subrooms, and so that two people could comfortably live in a single room. Clint and Sam shared a room, and he and Steve would be sharing while Thor lived alone. There was the ‘Mean and Green Wing’ that was specifically built for Bruce Banner in the Southeast corner of the building. It was all Bruce’s, according to Natalia. It had been Tony Stark who named each wing, too, which was nice since the Soldier had heard of his fun personality, and he now saw it for himself.
The Soldier didn’t really want to be forced to share space with Steve Rogers, but he could survive. He had survived in worse conditions before, but he really didn’t want to deal with a guy who thought he was Bucky Barnes. There were rooms he was not allowed to go into, or in this case, an entire wing. Bruce Banner’s Wing was entirely off-limits to everyone, even Tony, until Bruce came back. Tony’s Wing was locked and monitored by FRIDAY, who he was told was the AI who helped run the compound, and typically only allowed Tony and Rhodey in unless Tony specifically allows others (like Virginia Potts) inside. The other rooms were open, but Natalia told him it was impolite to enter someone else’s room without permission. In the middle of the hallway between the entryway of the ‘Gentile Wing’ and the rest of the area, Natalia shut the door going into the rooms and the one leading to the common area and crossed her arms.
“Alright, Bucky , what exactly did you plan to accomplish by coming here?”
“I came to kill Wanda Maximoff, that was all. I have been… I have been observing you and the Avengers for a while. I was in Sokovia, before the town was destroyed, and I tried to… I picked off the straggling agents that hadn’t been killed but had an open shot on you. I killed the scientists and agents inside the actual base, or as many as I could before the Maximoff boy saw me. I left, and I stayed out of the way for a while after. I’ve been living in Queens for a while, but I had heard about the new Avengers Compound and the addition to the team. I knew her, Maximoff, so I came to… I came to exterminate her,” the to protect you went unsaid, but Natalia knew that he meant that.
“And Steve?”
“What about him? I don’t like him. I’m not Bucky. I wouldn’t have stayed, but I hadn’t seen Vision during my days scouting the outside. He hadn’t been visible when I shot her, either. It was a miscalculation , but it seems that I have only benefited from it. Steve has asked for a room for me, I’m sure he will ask me to stick to certain rules, but what he doesn’t know won’t kill him,” because he knows me and I want to be the one to terminate the great Captain America . “... I am curious, though, Natalia. I have been free for about a year, a little more, but I have yet to learn to be a person. You seem to understand what that means, and you have become a person. How did you do that?” Natalia studied him for a moment, and he hoped she saw that he had just exposed a part to him that he typically didn’t want others to see. He didn’t owe her anything, but he wanted her trust because he wanted her to know he had her back. She was the closest thing to family he had, and from the way he’d seem people act, family was important.
“I don’t know how to explain it, but it took a long time. I defected from the Red Room in ‘99 and I had worked with SHIELD since. I now work with the Avengers, and while I am still being used for my skill set, I now have a say in what I will and will not do. Freedom is a very large part of being a person. Making our own choices… you could ask FRIDAY, she is also learning how to be a person, or at least as human as Steve will allow Tony to give her the ability to be,” the fact Steve was limiting both a person’s growth into a person and Tony Stark’s genius made the Soldier dislike him even more. “I also don’t go by my real name, or at least not usually. Natalia died in Russia, I am Natasha now. Who are you Soldier?”
I don’t know , was how he felt, but he didn’t tell that. He wasn’t sure if he trusted her, despite wanting to, enough or trusted himself to voice it and then hear it himself. The Soldier had always known what to do before, he did what was expected, what had been asked. He didn’t know how to make choices. He had learned how to make basic decisions, but he couldn’t make complicated choices without pausing. Choice-making didn’t equate to a person, though. He didn’t know who he was, in entirety, at all. He knew a few things about himself, but he did not know himself . He knew he was not Bucky Barnes, he was very good at murder, he was strong and agile, he had been enhanced (although differently from the Enhanced), he cared about Natalia, he missed the other girls in the Red Room (specifically Sasha and Belova, who were his second and third greatest proteges), he knew he felt guilt, but those things didn’t make a person. They were part of a person, but there was so much more that went into ‘person-ing’. Natalia seemed to take pity on him. His silence had been more telling than he thought it would be. In hindsight, he thought it was very obvious what silence to such a question meant.
“What is your name?”
Once again, the Soldier was stumped. He had never had a name. He was the Asset, the Winter Soldier, but those were the names of a weapon, a tool, not a person. She seemed to understand his train of thought, and while he didn’t like being so obvious, he was glad it was with Natalia and not someone like Steve. She wouldn’t tell him who he was, she knew what it felt like to learn on your own. She had done it, she knew.
“Think about it. Just think of names you like. You could always go by Bucky.”
“What self respecting man calls himself ‘Bucky’?”
“When did you start considering yourself a ‘self respecting man’?”
“What assassin calls himself ‘Bucky’?” She smiled.
“Better, Soldier. So, are you even a man?” Holy shit, I don’t know. Yes? No? What the hell? That was the one thing I was so sure about. “I’m just joking, calm down. Don’t think too hard about that, don’t think ‘too hard’ about anything. Just let it come to you. We are people, innately, and we want to be people. Everything should come to you, in time.”
“ Ya skuchal po tebe ,” the smile she had a moment earlier falls. She takes a deep breath and opens the door that leads back to the common area. She either didn’t miss him, or she did and didn’t want to say so. He felt it important to inform her that he truly did miss her.
“Let’s go see if your room is ready. You will probably need time to settle before Steve talks to you again.”
***
Steve’s room had been cut by a sheet hung to the ceiling. It left a small ‘L’ shape area in the right corner. The bathroom was to the left, and to the north was a room that Tony just referred to as ‘Steve’s Something-or-rather Room.’ There was a bed, bigger than he had ever had (even though the only bed he had was in the Red Room and was a metal cot with a sheet) and it was already made up in navy blue and army green blankets and sheets. There was a small bedside table beside it with a lamp. The window on this side of the room had been hidden behind thick curtains that were practically stapled to the wall. When Tony caught him eyeing the window, he spoke up.
“Yeah, we locked it, but I’m sure you’ll want to check it anyway or whatever. There are hooks to hold the curtain tight against the wall when you’re done. I thought you’d might like the darkness. Ya know, the whole ‘big bad assassin’ vibe I’m getting from you typically screams the want for darkness. Natasha doesn’t like the sun either, so I just based it off that. Uh, hopefully the dresser is big enough. I don’t know your size, but you can order clothes if you want, or well, anything else you want. I didn’t know what you like, so I just got the basics. I can get different colours for the bed if you want and I--”
“It’s wonderful. Thank you, Dr. Stark,” that comment seemed to throw Tony for a loop. It took him a second to recoup, his confused expression transforming into a confident one, although his posture told the Soldier he was uncomfortable.
“Well, you can just call me Tony, but I guess Dr. Stark is refreshing. Tony is fine, though, I promise,” he then looked around the room, “You sure?”
“It’s more than I’ve ever had, I appreciate it. You’ve been very generous considering I killed your teammate.”
“Yeah, and thank god for that, amiright?” It seemed that Tony then realized what he said because his eyes went wide. “I mean, uh, yeah that sucks, but uh…”
“I noticed you didn’t mind her death. That’s perfectly fine. I am glad you realized she wasn’t a good person, she had fooled Steve. She had the power to warp ideas, to use fears to harm and could change minds to make them like her… I just hope she didn’t hurt you for you to figure it out…” the silence told the Soldier that she had hurt Tony. The saddest part was the fact that he obviously didn’t like her, but he took care of her, offered her a home. He hurt her and the Soldier would bet that he was either silenced when he gave his opinion, or he was told he was wrong by the others. He hoped Natalia hadn’t given him trouble. He now owed Tony Stark, and he would repay him unlike he repaid anyone else. Tony Stark had given him so much in such a short time despite him being a former, sort of, assassin and a ton of other unsavory things. The Soldier would have said ‘sorry’ but it wouldn’t change anything, so he didn’t know what to do.
“Yeah, well, she didn’t, ya know, fuck with your head or anything too, did she?”
“Twice. They decided she was not to be within proximity with me until I was immune. When I was immune I was told to train her,” he had enjoyed training her. He could hurt her under the pretense of teaching. “I was recalled after I broke the twenty-second bone. HYDRA didn’t like their prized Enhanced damaged. I was then sent, almost directly after being taken off her training, to an American base,” the punishment he received wasn’t discussed, it wasn’t necessary. “Tony… thank you. I don’t know how to properly express the gratitude I feel, I’m sorry that I cannot… do whatever people do when they are thankful.”
“Don’t worry about it. You’re better than all these other assholes. They don’t even say ‘thanks’ most of the time. Just Rhodey, but he hardly gets anything. He refuses to let me buy him stuff,” Tony clapped his hands, “Well, I think Steve’s cooking if you want to get some dinner. I don’t know what it is, but it’s probably something he had when he was a kid. He said he wanted to jog your memory so you could get better. I think he’s being stupid.”
“I think so as well,” he didn’t tell him that Bucky had died. Bucky Barnes died almost forty-five years ago, and he was what had been created in his place. Barnes had been weak, and he broke. He was rebuilt from his ashes. The more he learned about Bucky, the less he liked him. “Can we go together? I mean, walk to the kitchen together? If you’re willing to explain, I’m curious about how you created FRIDAY. Natalia told me about her, and I’m very curious. I’m nervous to speak with her though.”
“Oh, she’s a sweetheart, don’t be afraid of her,” he and Tony walked out of the wing and to the kitchen. Tony explained how he hadn’t been allowed to give her as much freedom as he had given the previous AI due to Steve and the others being angry with him for Ultron, Tony hadn’t defended himself, just accepted that he fucked up and tried to avoid it. That didn’t mean he wasn’t angry that he couldn’t allow his child (Tony had slipped and called her his daughter and then apologized for ‘being weird’. The Soldier decided he liked Tony.) to grow and learn like she deserved. The Soldier was curious how she had feelings and Tony started going into the details about how she could learn and how she needed a point of reference but she would one day be as ‘normal’ as a regular human. He called her ‘my sweet baby girl’ just as they walked into the kitchen. The Soldier decided that Tony spoke very fast, but that it was endearing.