Chapter Text
And I’ve been taking chances
I’ve been setting myself up for the fall
I’ve been keeping secrets
From my heart and from my soul
-Florence + The Machine, Lover to Lover
Once Saturday arrived, Dorian had almost forgotten about his plans to meet up with Manon and discuss their project. He couldn’t blame himself for forgetting, not when yesterday had been so eventful.
He’d done it. He had come out as bi to Chaol. After months and months of keeping it a secret, of hiding, of hating himself for being unable to just say it, he’d done it. And Chaol’s reaction had been better than he could ever hope for.
There was still a long way to go, he still hadn’t told Aelin, or his family, but he had taken that first, terrifying leap of faith, and that mattered. His father probably wouldn’t have the same reaction as his best friend, but Dorian found himself not caring that much. As long as he had Chaol and Aelin, the latter whom he’d tell the next time he saw her, everything would be fine.
Then there was the case of Manon Blackbeak. Dorian still couldn’t quite believe that she had actually texted him, had actually agreed to meet up with him on a Saturday, of all days, to discuss some English project. Even as he walked through the heavy doors of the communal library, he had to pull up his phone one more time, just to be sure it wasn’t all some figment of his imagination.
But there she was, sitting by one of the many tables, a notebook open in front of her. She was staring straight ahead, looking as if she might stand up and bolt at any moment. Seeing her out of school was…strange, Dorian thought to himself. It felt as if he had entered some brand new, undiscovered territory, as if he had found a window, offering a look at who she really was behind the mask of uncaring coldness.
Walking towards her table, he wiped his sweaty palms on the front of his jacket, trying to calm his thundering heart. You have nothing to be nervous about, he told himself, but he didn’t believe it for a moment. Dorian desperately wanted her to like him. He wanted her to smile and laugh and talk about the things she cared about. He just really wanted to get to know her.
«Hey,» Dorian said as he reached the table, pulling out the chair on the opposite side of Manon, whom he now noticed wasn’t staring at nothing, she was listening to music. And she seemed fairly lost in it. I wonder what she listens to, some voice inside him whispered. «Hey!» he said again, louder this time. That seemed to get her attention. She didn’t greet him back, her pulling out her earbuds and placing them on the table the only sign she even knew he was there.
«What were you listening to?» he asked in a nimble attempt to break the heavy tension, the wooden chair creaking as he sat down.
«Nothing.»
Dorian couldn’t tear his eyes off of her. Even while she was glaring at him, looking as if she wanted to be anywhere but here, there was no denying the fact that she was beautiful. Manon was wearing her usual leather jacket and vintage t-shirt, but her hair was loose, swept over one shoulder, and she wasn’t wearing any make up except for a bright-red lipstick. It somehow made her look younger, softer.
Deciding to play this the usual way, Dorian gave her a once-over, before bringing out his signature smirk. «You look nice today. New lipstick?»
-
«Cut the crap already. I’m not here to make ‘nice’ small-talk or to pretend I actually wanna do this, so let’s just pick a book and get it over with. I have other places to be right now.»
She must have done something really bad, Manon concluded, because some god was punishing her in the most cruel of ways. Dorian Havilliard was sitting across from her, giving her a look that, to her greatest horror, actually made her toes curl. He was handsome, there were no other ways to describe him, with his stupid, pretty blue eyes and his stupid, curly, dark hair. The smart choice would be to stay as far away from his as possible. He brought nothing but trouble.
But you’re not smart, are you? You would have stayed away if you were. You truly are your mother’s daughter.
And it was true, what she’d said. She had other places to be, and coming here today was a risk, one she already regretted. Normally, she spent her Saturdays in the dance studio, honing her already flawless moves. She had to, if she wanted to stay on top, if she wanted to be the very best. Nothing else is good enough. Manon didn’t want to imagine what her punishment would be if her grandmother found out she had been slacking today. Even if this was all for a school project. Good thing the woman was currently out of town.
Her attention shifted back to Dorian as he cleared his throat. «I have been thinking a little, and I think we should do our project on Harry Potter.»
Oh, he had got to be kidding her, Manon thought as she schooled her features to look as unimpressed as possible. Had she been anyone else, she would have laughed at his suggestion, but Manon Blackbeak didn’t laugh. The only emotion she showed was plain, unimpressed boredom. It was simply easier that way. Better to push people away before they got the chance to leave.
Because how could anyone ever want to stay with her, when not even her parents could?
But that trick didn’t work on Dorian. She was just as cruel and cold with him as she was with everyone else, yet he didn’t shy away, didn’t leave her alone. It was why she couldn’t stay away either. He saw something in her that no one else did, something she kept hidden in the very depth of her soul. Him asking her about her music had been enough to unnerve her. She didn’t share her music with anyone, but for a second, she had wanted to tell him, to show him. Dorian threw her off balance, and it terrified her. Not that she would ever admit it.
«It might not be the most traditional of choices, but there are a lot of elements to analyze and discuss, and Mr. Norton wanted us to show independence and originality. And besides, everyone loves Harry Potter once they try it.»
«Isn’t it a children’s book?» Manon asked, and eyebrow raised in question. She didn’t want to be here, and she most definitely didn’t want to read his book.
«Oh, you sweet, innocent muggle,» Dorian drawled. A deadly glare was Manon’s only response to what was clearly some nerdy reference she didn’t get. She did not have the time for silly stories.
There was a glow in his eyes now, a glow she knew all too well, only because she got that very same glow in her own eyes whenever she read about nearly forgotten historical events or some long lost mythology from worlds now turned to dust.
«There is no way I am going to read Harry Potter.»
«Do you have a better suggestion?» As he said that, Dorian looked way too smug for Manon’s liking, but he had a point. She didn’t have a better suggestion.
Deeming her silence a good enough answer, Dorian leaned back in his chair, placing his hands behind his head. «That’s what I thought.»
At this very moment, Manon decided she hated group projects. She hated the lack of control, hated the fact that she had to compromise every damn thing, hated that her grade partly relied on a smirking bastard and his ability to analyze a book. A children’s book at that. This was her senior year, for fuck’s sake, she didn’t have the time for this. She had to focus, had to avoid any distraction, her future depended on it, but Dorian Havilliard and Mr. Norton’s idiotic assignment made that very hard at the moment.
-
Later that night, as Dorian was sitting on his bed, once again reading the opening words of Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone, he couldn’t help but think of how somewhere else in their small town, Manon was discovering this fantastic world for the first time.
He wished he could be with her right now, wished he could see her reactions to all of his favorite scenes. Would she laugh? Would she roll her eyes? Would she fall in love with it as much as he had? Dorian sincerely hoped she would love it, and after today, he had a feeling she was the exact type to get lost in a story.
Their meeting had been very awkward at first, and Dorian had nearly been sure she would get up and leave at some point, but as they had begun planning and discussing their project, they had eased into a natural, flowing conversation, undoubtedly being on the same page when it came to how they wanted to go through with their project.
Then Manon had come up with the idea of comparing fantasy to real life mythology, and it was as if a brand new person had taken her place. While she was explaining how fiction almost always came from real events, and how world history had helped shape most literature, Dorian had gotten lost in the sound of her voice, so eager and confident.
She had almost smiled as she went on and on about ancient legends, her eyes practically glowing, and Dorian had felt like the fucking chosen one himself for being able to witness it. Manon had shown him a glimpse of herself, of who she was under that mask of carefully calculated coldness.
Did the real her look at everything with such passion? Dorian didn’t know, but he was hell-bent on finding out.
-
Manon should have gone to bed by now, but that stupid book was impossible to put down.
She had been right, it was a children’s story, and yet it had sucked her in from the very beginning. Was Dorian lying awake, reading, just like her?
The world was quiet as her eyes hungrily roved over page after page, a single lamp lit in her otherwise dark room. She was all alone, with the exception of Abraxos, who currently lay sprawled on his back by her side.
Asterin had not come home tonight either, and merely thinking about it caused a knot to form in her stomach. She had been lying to her grandmother about it for weeks now, protecting Asterin from the punishment that would surely come if their grandmother ever found out, but Manon didn’t think she could keep up the charade for much longer.
I have done everything for you, to make sure you do not end up like your mother, and yet you have the nerve to lie to me? That ungratefulness will bring you nowhere in life. You are pathetic, weak, worthless-
Manon could feel the sting of a palm against her cheek as she heard her grandmothers voice speak into her mind. She was becoming distracted, especially after today.
Apparently, it wasn’t bad enough that she was lying about her cousin, she had also lied today about her whereabouts. Instead of spending the day training, she had gone to the library to meet a boy. Dorian Havilliard to be specific.
And Manon hated to admit it, but she had enjoyed the time they spent together. They made a good team, the two of them. She had tried her very best to stay cold and disinterested, but planning their project had made her eager. If all went to plan, they were going to nail it.
Then there was Dorian. Manon had been set on not liking him, but talking together was so easy, almost fun. And the time had passed so quickly.
Despite herself, Manon actually wanted to spend more time with him, wanted to keep talking and keep sharing ideas and thoughts.
Friends will get you nowhere in life. They will only hold you back.
Her grandmother was right. She couldn’t let anything distract her. She had to be better. Had to do better. Beginning with getting enough sleep.
Only one more chapter, and then she would put the book away, even if she had decided she wanted to stay at Hogwarts forever.
As Manon kept reading, she reached a scene that was so ridiculous she couldn’t help but let out a rich laugh, the sound echoing through the otherwise empty house. It was so earnest she felt it deep down in her belly.
And although she was smiling, the grin quickly faded away when Manon realized she could not remember the last time she had done so.