Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Part I: Sakura

Sakura doesn't know where she went wrong. If perhaps her first impression had been lacking, if somehow her conviction wasn't enough. She tries so very hard. She studies day and night, completes her assignments in record time, listens dutifully and tries not to ask too many questions. Shizune loves her. Shishou doesn't.

Perhaps the woman's obvious reluctance to take her in should have been the first warning sign. It took days to convince the legendary sannin. Sakura was turned down time and time again to the point where even Shizune looked at the Hokage as if she wasn't quite sure what the issue was. Sakura was just about to give up when with a grunt, and an unhappy roll of her eyes, the blonde woman finally agreed. Sakura was ecstatic. A feeling that soon wore off.

“Am I not a good student?” Sakura asks one night when she's alone in the hospital, studying her material while Shizune keeps watch. She's seen more of shishou's former apprentice than her own master. A Hokage is busy. Sakura knows that. Still...

“What? Of course not. You progress fast.” Sakura bites her lip and doesn't ask why her teacher doesn't want to teach her even though she does so well. It's Kakashi-sensei all over again except this time it stings so much more since Sakura puts in so much effort. Effort that is never, not once, recognised. Shishou treats her like a ghost. As if Sakura doesn't truly exist.

She reminds herself not to be thankless and chases the doubt away. Her studies are more important. And who knows. Perhaps the situation will improve. At this point, hope is all Sakura has left.

It does not get better. All Sakura can do is learn to live with it. When Naruto asks her what training under 'baa-chan' was like, she offers the usual empty words she repeated so much she could recite them in her sleep.

Busy. Fascinating. Hard. Rewarding.

She doesn't want anyone to know that she's not worth the woman's time and that most of what she learned, she learned from Shizune. The shame threatens to choke her every time Naruto pesters her for details until eventually, she learns to avoid him. It's not his fault. Rationally, Sakura knows this. Yet he turns into a constant reminder that he was good enough to be taught by his master for three years while Sakura was... not.

She perfects the art of misdirection, distracting the boy with a smile, and prefers wasting her money on ramen for him instead of having to actually talk. Kakashi, who suddenly is around once more, raises his eyebrows at her whenever she does it though Sakura is quite certain he doesn't know the truth. God, does she hope he doesn't. She can't go back to being the weak, disregarded link. Has to prove herself. Be recognised by someone because she knows her own teacher refuses to.

Only once, does she get the feeling that there is more to the situation than she knows. It's the first time she's in the same room with Jiraiya and shishou. Naruto is present too, as are Kakashi and Sai. It's a meeting of some sort, their team is reinstated, Jiraiya is there for reasons unknown. Sakura is, mentally, miles away. Until she notices the way the old man looks at her.

Sakura heard tales from Naruto and others, is fully aware of his perverted tendencies. She opens her mouth, ready to tell him to quit staring when his eyes widen ever so slightly.

“Oh, hime...,” he whispers as he stares at Sakura before slowly moving to shishou who, as always, refuses to even acknowledge Sakura's existence. She's gotten used to it now and it barely even stings anymore. At least that's what she tells herself.

“After all these years-”

“Shut up.” The blonde silences him with a single command, two words filled with such fury and malice Sakura instinctively takes one step backwards. Jiraiya, while not cowed, still quiets down and instead musters Sakura one last time. She can't quite read him, doesn't know the man well enough to interpret his micro-expressions yet if she didn't know any better, she'd claim that he looks almost... sad.

She wants to ask. In the end, a single look at her shishou's back convinces her not to. The woman never liked her. There's no reason to make it worse.

By the time Sakura experiences war for the first time in her life, she has accepted the unfortunate nature of her relationship with her teacher, non-existent as it is. It doesn't sting anymore. Shizune is more than enough and the only technique Sakura had to learn from her teacher in name only, is the byakugou and everything that's related to it. Medicine, healing and hospital work took up most of her time and Sakura counts Shizune as her closest friend and treats her with all the respect a teacher deserves.

While she would never badmouth the Godaime Hokage, Sakura is quite sure that those closest to her have noticed how little she cares for the older woman and how she almost clings to Shizune instead. It's not ideal and as far away from what thirteen year old Sakura would have wanted as possible but it works.

After the war, she settles into a nice comfortable routine. Shizune is in charge of the hospital now and Sakura her second-in-command. She spends most evenings in the older woman's company, enjoys tea and shopping with Ino, eats ramen with Naruto, goes on her first official date with Sasuke, gets her first tattoo from Sai.

The latter has the most unexpected sort of consequences.

“What is that?” It's not exactly her finest moment but after years of being ignored, Sakura thinks she is perfectly justified in her reaction. She blinks a few times, mouth slightly agape, as she mutely stares at the Hokage who couldn't have possibly addressed her. The woman's honey eyes begin to twitch and Sakura knows she's about to run out of time.

“Um... what's what?” she replies and stumbles over her words as she's so caught off-guard she has trouble regaining her footing. Sakura came into Shizune's office to go over next week's surgery schedule. Not to be confronted with a teacher who never even talked to her all that much, suddenly deciding she's worth the time.

“On your shoulder,” she positively growls and Sakura automatically reaches up only to twitch and hiss in pain. Right.

“Um, a... a tattoo. My, ah, teammate is an artist and he offered-” She doesn't get much farther than that. The blonde lets out a sound Sakura couldn't name even if she tried, something between a howl and a scream, before shouldering past her and stomping out of the office. Sakura blinks, then looks at Shizune who seems just as surprised as her.

“What did I do?” Sakura asks. Shizune shrugs. The latter revealed years ago that she has no idea why Tsunade scorns Sakura so. Sakura shakes her head, then gets back to work. It takes less than a day for her to forget about the odd encounter.

One week later, Sakura immediately notices that something is wrong. Shizune is more stressed than usual, her hair is frizzy and her clothes rumpled.

“The Hokage is missing,” is all she says and while Sakura doesn't feel particularly attached to the older woman, she knows that Tsunade is all Shizune ever had. She draws the older woman into an embrace and allows her to use her as a pillar for a few minutes. She doesn't cry, would never, but her shoulders shake and Sakura bites her lip and pulls her closer.

The day doesn't improve from there. Everyone's in an uproar and work is hectic. Shizune leaves after a while to join the search party and so Sakura shoulders their combined workload on her own. Hours go by and the sky darkens until it's way past midnight and Sakura is exhausted. With a yawn and unsteady movements, she forces herself on her feet. Whatever still needs to be done, can be taken care of tomorrow.

She's just about to exit Shizune's office when from nowhere, someone slings an arm around her neck. Sakura begins to struggle immediately but whoever they are, are much much stronger than her. Sakura has just enough time to panic over the knowledge that she's supposed to be the second strongest person in the village and is still being overpowered, before the lights around her dim and her eyes fall shut.

She wakes to the feeling of cold stone against bare skin and fuinjutsu covering her body from head to toe. When Sakura looks up, she expects to be faced with a stranger.

“I hate you.”

Those are the last words she hears before Sakura feels a tug in her stomach and reality slipping through her fingers.

She falls and dreams of sake, honey eyes and an endless chorus of “I hate you, I hate you, IHATEYOU-”

This time when she opens her eyes, Sakura is met by the white ceiling of the hospital. Her head hurts and she's disoriented so she doesn't immediately notice that the interior is a little off, the colours slightly different. She's too distracted by the grim male duo standing next to her bedside. Faces she can match to names immediately.

“Oh no,” she breathes as her face turns ashen and she instinctively scrambles backwards. Her hands begin to shake as her breathing turns erratic. No way. This isn't happening to her, this can't be happening to her-

“You arrived with a note. According to whoever sent you here, this is where you're meant to be.” Sakura freezes, then looks up. Studies tanned skin and dark hair, fair skin and white hair. Senju Hashirama and Senju Tobirama. Senju- remembers. Opens her mouth, then immediately shuts it.

'I hate you'.

“I- I don't know...” She trails off as panic resurfaces. Why did she do it? Why did she send Sakura back? Why-

“OI! GRANDPA!” Sakura jumps violently as her head snaps to the side with a violent crack where, with two males right behind her, in all her glory, stands a young Tsunade. Sakura's eyes go wide as she stares at her, a woman her own age, only for said woman to blink, then wink with a grin on her face.

“Hey there, beautiful.”

Once more, she is the last thought on her mind before Sakura passes out.

“Tsunade, can you stop? For once in your life? Please.”

“What? Look at her. She's cute.”

“She's also a stranger that appeared out of nowhere and is, according to the Shodaime, not even from this time.”

“Even better. She won't mind if I move on after a week or two.”

“You are literally the worst.”

“Stuff it, snakeface.”

“Snakeface? Is that truly the best you could come up with?”

“I'll show you-”

“Hey, shut up you two! She's waking up.”

Sakura opens her eyes only to immediately wish she hadn't. Not a dream. This is not a dream. Her mouth is dry as her breath once more turns laboured until she begins to feel dizzy.

“Hey hey, calm down. Here, let me help.” A warm hand brushes against Sakura's forehead and minty cool chakra soothes her frayed nerves. Sakura can breathe easier now. Her vision sharpens once more and when the hand retreats, she finds herself gazing straight into honey eyes.

“I'm Tsunade, the Hokage's granddaughter! Pleasure to meet'cha!” Sakura lets her head fall onto white pillows as she desperately tries to marry this perky cheerful attentive young woman to the aged Tsunade who has made it her life's mission to never ever acknowledge Sakura. Which is only the tip of the honest to god time travel iceberg.

“I'm Jiraiya, yeah!” Sakura stares at the chipper white-haired boy, then can't help but freeze when the third member of their group speaks up.

“Orochimaru.” A single bead of sweat rolls down her temple as Sakura is met by her first nightmare except he's so much younger and infinitely less malicious that she almost feels sick. She prays to whatever deity is listening that she is asleep and can wake up soon. Sakura knows her pleas are futile. Knows she is here and that for some reason shishou did this to her. That there might as well be no way back.

“Uncle is already working on a solution to your problem. Since we're all currently off the mission roster, grandpa told us the truth about your appearance and asked us to show you around and stuff. Oh, what's your name?” It takes her a while to remember how to speak, so thoroughly disarmed by this strange version of a woman she's more or less known for years.

“S- Sakura,” she murmurs only to gasp quietly when young Tsunade's smile widens and she leans just a little closer.
“Pretty name to match the pretty face. Charmed.” It is not the unexpected time travel, or Orochimaru, or even meeting the Shodaime Hokage that confuses Sakura the most.

No. What confuses her the most, is this eighteen year old Tsunade and the question what the hell is going to happen to her in the years to come.

“What's that on your shoulder?” Sakura pauses, then follows Tsunade's line of sight. Peeking out from underneath the simple set of clothing the hospital staff has supplied her with, is the tip of the wing belonging to an ink bird Sai has tattooed onto her skin.

“Oh. My teammate is an artist. He gave me this tat...too...” She trails off as unbidden, the memory from what she remembers to be a week ago, returns. Shishou's question, the yowl, the furious retreat. Sakura's fingers begin to shake as she realises that the woman had known. Had seen the tattoo and immediately known that she would have to act soon.

And act she did. On the day of her disappearance where she, Sakura is willing to bet, prepared whatever ritual she had used to force Sakura into her own past with little more than three hateful words to guide her.

“You ok there? Seem a bit lost in thought.” Sakura stares at young Tsunade until she can no longer bear the sight. Without quite realising what she's doing, Sakura inches away from her, closer to the window. She has too many questions and too few answers. Yet what Sakura does know, without question, is who this young woman will grow up to be.

She thinks of the scorn, the dismissal, the neglect and outright coldness and promises herself to stay as far away from her as possible.

Perhaps she can fix this. Perhaps this is her chance to give younger her a better future. All she has to do is keep her distance. Whatever made Tsunade hate Sakura so cannot happen if Sakura is not around to cause it in the first place.

Her plan to avoid the woman is simple. The execution, anything but. A day after her initial admittance, Sakura is released out into the wild and a village so incredibly different, yet at its core still the same. The general shape and layout, while smaller, is familiar to her even if the sight of a lively and active Uchiha district with more dark-haired people than she can count send her into a minor panic attack.

Sasuke should be here, she thinks. Sasuke should see this. If, when, Sakura goes back to where she's meant to be, she will pester Sai until he draws enough pictures from Sakura's descriptions that Sasuke can line the walls of his newly renovated home.

The initial shock of a passive and non-homicidal Orochimaru wears off soon. He's quiet and reserved, polite and intelligent. Only knowledge of future deeds keep Sakura wary and away from him. Jiraiya is... very much like Naruto, if a hundred times more lecherous. Still, he's a tiny shred of familiarity so Sakura prefers his company.

And Tsunade...

Sakura has few words to describe Tsunade and how jarring her presence is. She is bright and lively, as quick to anger as she is to laugh. She draws attention wherever she goes, can't help but stand out and thrives in it. She dresses in a way that perfectly compliments how she acts. Provocative, flirty, downright seductive.

Nothing at all like the Tsunade Sakura is used to. She avoids her whenever possible, keeps her distance, on occasion even runs from her neither of which is easy considering the blonde knows the territory like the back of her hand. And on top of that, seems interested in a way Sakura is not at all comfortable with.

“Tsuna? Ah, she's a flirt. Has a different lover every week. Makes it really hard for a guy to get a girlfriend when the entire damn female population of Konoha is in love with her,” Jiraiya grumbles when Sakura asks him about his blonde team mate.

“Don't worry about it. You're new so she's curious but the curiosity will die down eventually. She doesn't really stick with anyone. Ever.” Sakura swallows, then nods. Even if she were interested in women or affected by young Tsunade's nigh breathtaking beauty and charm, memories of events that have yet to happen, will forever keep her out of the Senju's arms.

Occasionally, she wonders if a romantic entanglement gone wrong is what made shishou hate her so. The idea seems ridiculous yet during the long and lonely nights in which Sakura has little more to do than think, the possibility enters her mind. Just once, just for a second. She dismisses it soon after, knows there is no way any of that could ever happen.

The spark of an idea stays.

A month later, Sakura has to acknowledge the incredible inaccuracy of Jiraiya's statement. Three weeks past the one week interest he has prophesised, Tsunade is still orbiting around Sakura as a moth would around a source of light. And the worst part is that she is getting increasingly harder to ignore. Sakura has never known shishou to be a subtle person. Though more from hearsay rather than personal interaction, tales of the woman's temper and general bearing have reached her ears more than once.

Now that she is in immediate proximity of her, with no shield of major dislike between them, Sakura experiences the full brunt of that intensity.

“What Tsunade wants, Tsunade gets. Whether or not the world agrees or disagrees.” Orochimaru proves less than helpful and all Sakura gets from that rather brief conversation, is a potent feeling of discomfort in her lower stomach region. She doesn't leave her assigned apartment for two days, lost in her own thoughts and head.

Will shishou hate her because Sakura refuses her? Will shishou hate her because Sakura gives in and it all goes downhill? Why the hell is she even in this situation?! If shishou wishes to be rid of her, she shouldn't have sent her back in the first place. With no prior connection, they both could have had a fresh start. And, if future Tsunade's personality is anything to go by, a better one at that.

In her desperation, Sakura approaches the Nidaime. She works at the hospital for now, which is both comforting and beyond irritating considering Tsunade is her immediate superior. After a month of outstanding work, she is tentatively accepted by those around her to the point where her request to meet with the man is granted.

“Time is a complex concept that nobody can ever hope to fully understand. It is not a line, neither is it a circle. Different strands run in different directions, much like multiple rivers that merge into the same sea,” he speaks calmly, sitting behind a desk covered in papers and notes on fuinjutsu.

“Despite her youth, Tsunade is remarkably wise. If she deemed it necessary to make sure certain events repeat, she must consider them vital to the future you come from.”

“Even if they made her hate me?” Sakura asks during a brief moment of vulnerability that she tries so very hard to keep close to her chest. The man hums once, then nods sagely.

“Even then.”

“You know a lot of cool tricks. Where'd you learn them?” Tsunade is impossible to shake and Sakura has shifted her attention from attempting to avoid her, to try and find the best way to deal with her continued presence. At least during their hospital shifts she is professional and doesn't attempt to go further than addressing Sakura by various nicknames.

“My teacher,” she replies as she repairs a small number of fractures in a young academy student's hipbone.

“Your teacher sounds pretty smart,” Tsunade retorts, and were she anyone else, Sakura would chuckle at the irony of that statement.

“She is.” Because that, at least, is undeniable. For all her other faults, shishou is the most intelligent person Sakura has ever known.

“What's she like?” She pauses briefly, then smiles at the boy and pats him on the shoulder as he gingerly gets off the bed. Discharging him gives Sakura just enough time to think about how to answer, only to realise that she truly has nothing to go off of.

“I... don't know. She-” No. Sakura stops herself. No good could possibly come from mentioning anything related to future Tsunade to her younger self.

“Yeah?” The blonde is curious and leans closer. Jade meets honey and Sakura feels her mouth dry a little at the sudden proximity.

“She doesn't like me much,” Sakura finally admits before turning away and seeking distance. Part of her strategy to deal with the Senju relies on the simple principle that satisfying one need temporarily distracts her from the other. As long as Sakura answers questions, Tsunade is too curious to continue flirting.

“Eh? How can she not like you? You're too cute to dislike.” Most of the time, anyway.

“I... I don't know,” is what Sakura says.

'You tell me,' is what she thinks.

“Do you know when I'll be able to go back?” Sakura asks two months later.

“There were no additional notes, not even a hint. Whatever the solution is, I am obviously meant to figure it out on my own,” the Nidaime explains, then gives her a look that underneath the chilly exterior carries a faint hint of compassion.

“It could take years.”

“Yeah, this is getting ridiculous,” Jiraiya grumbles from where he sits in the grass next to Sakura. They're resting on the edge of the training field and watch Tsunade and Orochimaru go at each other with everything they have. From the stories and comparisons Sakura has drawn between the sannin and her own team, she had expected the strongest rivalry within their team to be between Jiraiya and Orochimaru.

In truth, the white-haired male is more laidback than Naruto ever was. Loud, yes, boisterous, incredibly so. Yet in comparison to his two team mates... Sakura observes Tsunade rip out an entire tree and launch it at Orochimaru who channels enough lightning to his fingertips to split the trunk in two as it sails towards him. Tsunade's competitive streak is larger than her ego and Orochimaru, despite doing his best to appear like he's above her constant teasing, is very much receptive to it.

“They're worse than my team,” Sakura answers and plucks a few blades of grass off the ground.

“That's not what I meant.” Jiraiya sounds more serious than usual, so Sakura raises her head only to find his face grim and eyes fixated on Tsunade.

“I used to like her, you know. Romantically. Before we all grew up and I realised that she shags only women.” A habit Sakura has seen little of so far. The blonde sannin likes to use everything she has at her disposal to get preferential treatment wherever she goes and while she does flirt, Sakura has yet to watch her sneak off with anyone. Though considering her status as future legendary sannin, she should probably expect her to be subtle.

“Tsuna hasn't gotten laid ever since you showed up.” Sakura stills. She swallows audibly and frantically tries to control her heartbeat.

“She's my friend. My closest friend, along with Orochimaru. If you're not into women that's cool but I've never seen her so obsessed with one single person before,” Jiraiya continues and every cell of Sakura's body screams at her to get up and run away. She can't handle this, not on top of the recent revelation that she might be stuck in this time for years.

“You're nice, but... fuck with her and I'll show you what I'm capable of.” Sakura doesn't stick around for her turn in their training spar. Her only saving grace is that she keeps it together until she reaches her apartment where she crumbles to the floor and takes hours to recover from her panic attack.

“I- I'm sorry, but... I don't like women.”

“Aw. Shame. Well, we can still be friends. Anyway, you up for dinner with the idiots?”

“...yeah. Sure.”

Being friends with Tsunade is so easy, it's terrifying. She's still flirty and likes to tease but keeps a certain amount of distance now, never crosses into Sakura's personal space again. Jiraiya, at least, seems to approve. But now that the immediate danger is gone, Sakura suddenly notices all the tiny little details she likes.

Tsunade is always warm and sunny, tells the best jokes and turns Sakura's first hangover into a fantastic sleepover. Soon they go out for drinks twice a week and while the blonde will inevitably disappear with a stranger, she never outright ditches Sakura before the latter reaches her limit. On top of that, Tsunade is easily the best sparring partner Sakura ever had.

Rationally she's always known that their strengths match up considering their similar skill set though she never knew how much fun an actual mock fight against the blonde sannin can be. They devastate training fields and laugh when one unexpectedly catches the other in the face with an entire chunk of mountain. Tag-teaming Orochimaru without warning during a four-way spar becomes their new favourite past time.

A few weeks into their new friendship, Sakura starts to separate the woman beside her from the woman in her head and feels infinitely more comfortable around her to the point where she shares a few small tricks with her. Considering that the other is going to teach them to young Sakura in roughly thirty years, a little headstart can't do much harm.

Tsunade is an avid student and so impossibly intuitive and quick, Sakura finds herself sharing more and more techniques with the blonde. The way her face lights up in triumph when she masters whatever Sakura has shown her in under a day sends tingles into Sakura's limbs that are so pleasant, she begins to chase the feeling.

Also, Tsunade's smile has got to be the most beautiful smile Sakura's ever seen in her entire life. Giving her a reason to smile more often seems only natural.

“Do you get homesick, sometimes?”

“...yeah.”

“Well. At least you have us. We've got to be cooler than your lame ass teammates.”

“Hm... I suppose Jiraiya is pretty cool.”

“OI!”

Not for the first or last time, Sakura wishes she had ever known her teacher as more than this remote untouchable figure. When Tsunade's younger brother dies on a mission, she is completely blindsided. She watches from the shadows, clothes soaked in the rain, as Tsunade breaks down and is comforted by Jiraiya.

Sakura feels like an intruder, is abruptly reminded of the fact that she's not supposed to be here. That these people have their own lives and she has no business intruding. That somewhere down the line she will make a mistake so grievous, the blonde will never get over her hatred for Sakura. It's that knowledge, that keeps her away. Sakura doubts she could help anyway. She has known them for little more than half a year. She is nothing in comparison to life-long friendships.

Torn between feeling like a coward and drowning in endless despair at her situation that still hasn't been resolved, Sakura misses the first knock. And the second. When the door to her apartment swings open without warning, she is finally pulled from her thoughts. Only to immediately drown in worry instead.
Wet and soaked from head to toe, Tsunade stands in the doorway, eyes red and empty, bottom lip quivering in a way that has Sakura rush to her side immediately.

“I don't want to be alone,” the blonde whispers in between hiccups and Sakura doesn't need more than that. She pulls the woman inside, covers her in blankets and allows her to cuddle up to her as they sit on the floor.

“I'm sorry for bothering you. But the boys... they're...”

“It's okay. I get it,” Sakura murmurs as she thinks about how she never told them the truth about her difficult relationship to her teacher. Being vulnerable is never easy but it is hardest around those you are closest to.

“I don't want to sleep. If... If I wake up and N- Nawaki... isn't...” Sakura shifts her body towards Tsunade and pulls her closer, allows the blonde to hide her face in the crook of her neck. She doesn't know what to say, has no words that are good enough.

“I'm here,” is what she ends up whispering in Tsunade's ear. Sakura can't pinpoint the exact moment they fall asleep or indeed, who does so first, but when she wakes up Tsunade is gone and she is all alone.

She doesn't look for her, not until she knows if she's welcome. Jiraiya can't help, hasn't seen her since they separated. Orochimaru seems uncaring but the twitch of his shoulders gives him away. Sakura isn't one to force herself where she's not wanted, not anymore, but she recalls her promise and bites her lip before combing through the entire village like a woman possessed.

She searches bars and gambling dens first, then the training grounds. The Hokage monument is deserted and so are the woods close to the village. By the time the sun goes down, Sakura is exhausted and collapses as soon as she closes her apartment door behind her.

“Hey.” Too tired to shriek, Sakura merely rolls her head to the side and spots Tsunade sitting on her couch, Sakura's favourite blanket slung around her shoulders. Too relieved to finally have found her, Sakura forgets to be upset and instead drags her body onto the couch.

“Were you looking for me?” the blonde asks. Sakura yawns, then nods and ignores the unhappy growl of her stomach. She can eat after she takes a much needed nap.

“I was at home, grabbing a few things... Can... Can I stay with you? Just for a few days...” Tsunade is quiet and uncertain and Sakura hates it. Yawning once more, she merely nods and tugs at one of the blankets that still lie on the floor from the night before.

“Need sleep. Will cook later,” she mumbles before resting her cheek against Tsunade's arm and drifting off into a peaceful slumber.

A few days turns into weeks. Tsunade doesn't recover, not in ways anyone that's not Sakura could notice. She doesn't do much the first five days, sleeps, eats when told to and stares at the wall for hours at a time. When grocery shopping, Sakura makes a quick detour and lets Jiraiya know where Tsunade is. He and Orochimaru don't visit, infinitely more experienced with what Tsunade wants and needs. Instead, they leave her favourite foods, sweets and alcohol on the doorstep.

Sakura herself has no idea what to do but she doesn't take Tsunade to be the kind of person who enjoys being coddled. As far as Sakura can judge, her hunch proves correct. Pretending that everything is normal evokes no negative reaction so Sakura takes that as a win and goes with it. She's a decent cook and Tsunade who, she eventually learns, is a disaster and a half in the kitchen, appears to appreciate her culinary ability. While the blonde is more hindrance than help when it comes to cooking, she cleans up after herself and does the laundry without further prompting.

On top of that Tsunade turns out to be some sort of secret genius when Sakura's kitchen sink breaks. It takes her less than half an hour to find the flaw and fix it. The apartment is cheap and simple, nothing at all like the halls of the Senju compound the blonde is used to. A princess in every aspect, Sakura would have expected her to have higher standards or at least complain every now and then. She never does.

If anything, Sakura thinks as she watches Tsunade take apart the shower for a reason she can't even remember, the work seems to soothe her. It keeps her mind and hands busy and Sakura is glad for it. If the blonde will ever be able to return to medical work is uncertain; her reaction when Sakura accidentally cuts herself with a knife is anything but promising. She takes great care to prevent further injuries from then on.

“What do you want for dinner?” she calls out from the kitchen, loud enough to be heard over the noise of metal meeting metal.

“Whatever.” Tsunade's still not the most talkative but a reaction is better than nothing at all. And 'whatever' translates into 'whatever you want' and Sakura is very much alright with that. They settled into a comfortable routine so she knows to avoid eggplant and liver and always serve some sake with dinner. As long as those conditions are met, Tsunade isn't picky.

If she improves or not isn't clear to Sakura. Yet as more and more of the blonde's things mysteriously end up in her apartment, letters land in Sakura's mailbox, and eventually the rent is paid before Sakura can take care of it, she begins to realise that, in her own way, Tsunade is gradually bouncing back.

That Sakura has gained a roommate as a direct result of that doesn't bother her.

“Do you guys live together?” Jiraiya asks one afternoon when they both shop for groceries. Sakura inspects a bundle of tomatoes and shrugs.

“I guess. She pays the rent,” she replies, then pays for the fruits and makes her way towards the butcher. Hopefully, there's still some chicken left, she thinks. It's Tsunade's favourite food.

“Huh. And there's... nothing going on?” Sakura pauses and tilts her head, doesn't quite catch on to whatever is going on in the pervert's brain.

“Jiraiya wishes to know whether you and Tsunade are engaged in a sexual relationship.” Sakura does not shriek when Orochimaru suddenly appears behind her. Not at all.

“Thank you, Oro. Real helpful,” Jiraiya snorts, holding the bag Sakura dropped in surprise.

“First of all, that's none of your business and second, no. We're friends. Tsunade can't cook to save her life but she fixes stuff that breaks. It's a symbiotic relationship,” she explains loftily before reclaiming her bag from the white-haired man. For a second Sakura can't help but marvel at the realisation that she's casually bantering with Jiraiya and Orochimaru of the sannin as if they were her teammates. Amusement abruptly turns to mild misery upon being reminded of the lengthy amount of time she's already been stuck here. After nine months she grew reasonably close to the trio yet no closer to returning home.

“So she's doing okay, yeah?” Sakura stuffs the bundle the butcher hands her into her bag and counts coins while thinking of how to answer. 'Doing okay' is a bit of an overstatement.

“She's... functioning.” Somehow, that sounds even worse.

“Look, I don't know what to tell you. She doesn't speak much but she takes care of herself. She trains a lot and keeps herself busy by dismantling, then repairing anything she can get her hands on. Blood is... dangerous. But...” Sakura trails off as she stares at the ground, biting her lip. The markets are busy but Jiraiya and Orochimaru build an invisible dome around her that keeps her words private.

“I think she's getting there. I don't know what I'm doing but she seems okay when I just act like everything's normal.” Jiraiya and Orochimaru exchange a single look, one that carries entire messages Sakura's not privy to. Eventually, the former sighs once, then pats Sakura's shoulder.

“You're doing just fine. We're coming by for dinner tomorrow so make sure the lights work.” Sakura gives him the finger and with a snort, the man waves her goodbye. When she returns to the apartment, Tsunade sits on the floor, playing with parts of the kitchen lamp and Sakura feels a strong desire to search for Jiraiya and punch him in the shoulder.

“Do you think if I ask nicely they'll hand me a solo B-Rank?” She's busy chopping vegetables and Tsunade is sitting on the counter next to her. The blonde's promise to help got lost somewhere along the way but Sakura's not going to complain.

“Why?” She smiles to herself upon hearing Tsunade answer. She's getting more talkative and Sakura would never admit it to anyone but herself, but she missed the sound.

“I'm sick of sleeping on the couch. I was thinking of getting a futon and I need money for that.” The couch isn't that bad. Not for a few days. Or weeks. Four months into having surrendered her bed to Tsunade, Sakura is thoroughly sick of it.

“I can afford it. Or we could just share the bed. It's big enough.” Sakura takes great care to not freeze or still or show that the words affected her in any way. She trusts Tsunade. They're friends. But-
“Only because I fuck women doesn't mean I'll molest you.” Shit. Sakura closes her eyes and curses herself, then continues the chopping motion.

“I didn't think you would.”

“Oh? Seems like it from where I'm sitting.” Good job idiot, she thinks to herself, extremely cautious of every single breath the woman next to her releases. Her temper has slowly been returning, showing itself in a few isolated cases of cussing or kicking objects that don't agree with her. Tsunade's temper is a thing of beauty. It announces itself in an increase in temperature in her immediate surroundings, a spark in her eyes, the deep and steady thrum of chakra turning into a vibrating buzz that sits just beneath her skin. The blonde truly comes to life when she's furious and Sakura has found herself cherishing the experience. Right now, the woman shows none of the signs and Sakura is almost... disappointed.

“I'm sorry. I'm an idiot,” she murmurs quietly.

“So do you want the money for your futon or not?” Tsunade asks and curiously enough, Sakura finds herself pondering the offer for a few moments before shaking her head.

“Nah. I trust you.” From the corner of her eye, Sakura can see the faintest hint of a flinch. It's the first time she managed to surprise the blonde and it makes her smile ever so slightly.

The first night is nerve-wracking. So is the second. After that, Sakura stops worrying and even finds herself enjoying the faint warmth and the steady hum of chakra so close to her. It's comforting and for the first time ever since she got stranded in the past, she doesn't feel lonely anymore.

“Ouch!” Sakura hisses and shakes her hand, then sucks on the open wound. For a ninja she's incredibly clumsy.

“What was that?” Tsunade asks from the bedroom and Sakura's eyes go wide. As quickly as possible she pulls her finger from her mouth and wraps her other hand around it. The cut is sealed within a second but when Tsunade shuffles into the kitchen, red still stains the sink.

“Shit, I'm sorry. Don't look, I'll just clean it up real quick-” Sakura stops dead when Tsunade reaches for her hand. She's shaking and Sakura opens her mouth to try and reassure her when the blonde takes a single deep breath, then inspects her finger. She gets some of the blood on her own hand and though her skin pales, Tsunade keeps going and after having convinced herself that Sakura is fine, moves to the sink. Her eyes flitter across the scratched metal basin and avoid the stain yet she still grabs a towel and begins to clean.

Sakura doesn't dare move, is reluctant to even breathe properly. When the blood is gone and Tsunade stands still in front of the counter, shoulders tight, Sakura slowly approaches her.

“Are you okay?” she murmurs and places her palm on the blonde's upper arm.

“Yeah.” She doesn't say more than that, not even when Sakura slings an arm around Tsunade's shoulder and pulls her closer.

The next day, Tsunade sets foot into the hospital for the first time in over four months.

One night, when Sakura is just on the verge of falling asleep, a hand curls itself around hers and in the darkness, Tsunade whispers:
“Thank you.”

When Tsunade recovers, she does it suddenly and without warning. One day, she's still a little subdued and more on the quiet side. The next, she's out partying in Konoha's largest sake bar. Sakura nearly drives herself crazy with worry and when the blonde comes back drunk off her ass and entirely incoherent, she's both relieved and not. It's been a long while since she last thought about the Tsunade she has known before she met this one but, faced with the almost comatose state of her roommate, Sakura can't help but remember the years she will spend in exile as little more than a wandering alcoholic.

Attempting to talk to her about taking it easy does not go well. In fact, it goes so terribly that Tsunade disappears for an entire week in which she, according to Jiraiya, wanders from one bed to the next. Sakura's not bothered by that. Why would she. They're both nineteen years old, more than old enough to do whatever they want.

When one of the bathroom lights breaks, Sakura immediately throws it out and buys a new one. They don't talk for days after Tsunade's return and the new light bulb goes unmentioned.

Every night, Tsunade is drunk or already passed out. The indifference with which she treats Sakura drags memories to the surface that cut so deep, she takes extra shifts at the hospital and rarely sleeps in her own apartment anymore.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Liar.”

“...thank you, Jiraiya.”

The only reason Sakura returns to her apartment is the fact that she's seen Tsunade enter a bar on her way home from her shift. The blonde is guaranteed to pick up a stranger and spend the night in their bed so at least she'll have a comfortable few hours to herself without nurses or other doctors shuffling around the staff accommodations. It's a small comfort but a comfort nonetheless and at this point, Sakura is happy to take what she can get.

She just changed into her sleeping attire and is about to creep beneath the covers, when a faint click announces the unexpected arrival of her wayward roommate. Too tired to have the energy to curse, Sakura merely sighs, then turns her back to the door and pretends to be asleep. She can hear Tsunade's unsteady steps and hushed mutters both of which give away her lack of sobriety easily enough. At least Sakura won't have to fake very hard. The blonde's unlikely to notice either way.

Soon enough, Tsunade stumbles into the bedroom. Clothes rustle before a body falls onto the right side of the bed. Drunk Tsunade tends to fall asleep very quickly and Sakura is counting her blessings when suddenly and with no warning, a warm body is pressed against hers. Sakura can forgive the blonde mistaking her for a plushy. What she can not so easily forgive are large bare breasts rubbing against her back and clumsy hands roaming her waist.

“Stop.” She speaks the words before she can even think. The chilly command cuts through the silence. Harsh and clipped, it does the trick and Tsunade stills immediately.

“Sak'ra?” she slurs the name and Sakura forces her body to still and ignore the compromising position she is in.

“Yes.” At last, the hands retreat, soon followed by the blonde's impressive chest and once they're gone, Sakura can breathe so much easier.

“S'rry... tho't you w're som'n else.” Sakura doesn't reply, too busy trying to calm her racing heartbeat. She's just glad she was still awake. If she'd been asleep... God knows what kind of mess she'd have woken up to. At least now she can rest easy.

“...kura.”

“Sakura.”

“Sakura.” With an audible pop, her eyes snap open. Regret comes fast and with the force of a thousand earthquakes.

“What the hell, Tsunade!” she hisses and closes her eyes as if the action could get rid of the very naked woman currently lying on top of her. It's still dark outside so Sakura hasn't seen more than the blonde's silhouette though now that she slowly wakes up, Sakura is very aware of the weight on top of her body as well as the breasts that are squished against her covers.

“Have sex with me.” Sakura's brain shortcircuits. Caught between outrage and incredulity, her mind defaults to silence instead.

“Get out.” She means it, too. Unsure about Tsunade's current alcohol levels, Sakura is reluctant to use force to get rid of her. She's beyond mad at the woman but wouldn't risk hurting her.

“We're friends and no one has to know-” Screw not hurting her. Sakura snarls and pushes the blonde off her.

“If we were friends you wouldn't treat me like a damn whore,” she hisses, then gathers her blanket and pillow before leaving the bedroom and stomping towards the couch. She tries to stop her thoughts because Sakura is furious and when she's furious, her mind goes dark and deep places she truly can't deal with right now. She can worry about throwing Tsunade out of her apartment and reclaiming the space for herself in the morning.

“...everyone wants me. Why won't you want me?” Turning her head towards the voice is a mistake. With a painful crack, Sakura returns to staring at the ceiling as if that would rid her of the mental image of Tsunade in all her nude glory standing in the doorway to the bedroom. Refusing to indulge her, Sakura presses her lips together.

“Is it because I'm a woman? If I were a man, would you-”

“Shut up and go to bed. You're drunk off your ass and I'm tired of it.” The guilt nearly threatens to strangle her so Sakura has to positively force the words to make them go past her lips. She knows from experience that drunk Tsunade cannot be reasoned with. She can – and will – apologise in the morning. Right now, apologising is the last thing on her mind.

“I'm not drunk.” Sakura rolls her eyes and is about to make another biting comment when her vision is obscured by fine strands of blonde hair, milky skin and so much warmth she's moments away from bursting into flames. Shock renders her still and unable to move while something else she can't name makes her eyes fall shut as soft lips are pressed against her own. They feel like velvet and through the sharp smell of sake, Sakura's nose catches a whiff of vanilla and mint that she can't get enough of-

“Shit!” Tsunade curses viciously upon being pushed backwards and off the couch. Sakura's breath turns laboured and for a second she's frozen. Then, she wipes the back of her hand across her mouth and remembers her rage.

“I've had enough. When I wake up tomorrow morning you'd better have taken your stuff and removed yourself from my apartment. I'm done with your stupid, dumb, DRUNK messes and if you even dare to-” She doesn't get much further than that. Not when Tsunade is right back in her personal space, hands clasped around Sakura's forearms, and lips once more right on top of hers. She's not passive this time. Sakura struggles as the blonde kisses her, not at all loving or tender but needy and violent.

Her absolute refusal to even consider endangering her friend is what turns Sakura helpless. Without her chakra enhanced strength, she is no match for the blonde whose physical condition is impeccable. Tsunade moves Sakura's wrists above her head as she presses her flush to the ground, mouth devouring hers. With each struggle, her body moves against the blonde's and in the split second that Sakura spreads her legs to attempt and roll the blonde on her back, Tsunade takes the opportunity to rub her knee against the inside of her thigh.

A single wanton moan rips through her throat, right into Tsunade's mouth and Sakura's body goes slack. Her face feels hot and cold at the same time as she becomes intimately aware of the throb between her legs and the way her nipples strain against the rough cloth of her night shirt. Shame and embarrassment overcome her senses and fuel Sakura's struggle once more.

She isn't the only one caught off-guard by the unexpected reaction. Tsunade is disgustingly easy to get rid of.

“You... you-” Sakura begins, gasping and searching for words, when she is interrupted by the blonde who sits on the floor, face wide and open with surprise, wide eyes drilling themselves into hers.

“You do want me,” she breathes almost reverently and once she makes a move to get back on her feet, Sakura backs away hastily. Her foot gets caught on the edge of the blanket and she falls on her backside with a yelp. She scrambles away from her until she realises that Tsunade is too mesmerised to even attempt to take advantage of her – again.

“Being so close to you was driving me insane but I did my best to ignore it because you said you're not interested but all this time-” Recognising an impending catastrophe for what it is, Sakura quickly puts her hand up to silence the blonde before she loses all control of the conversation.

“No. Stop. You... you're drunk. You got handsy. You fucked up. It's okay. It happens. We- shit. We're going to have a serious talk tomorrow about your alcohol problem and then you're going to move out and seriously consider the boundaries of our friendship.” Sakura does her best to pull herself together no matter how distracting nude, clearly aroused Tsunade is. She's tired and had a few rough weeks. She's also nineteen, still hormonal, and very much a virgin so some confusion is to be expected. She's fine. This is natural and she's absolutely not attracted to the woman that's going to hate her in the very near future.

“Sakura-”

“No.” She stands her ground, refuses to give an inch. If she does, she's going to make a mistake she will regret for the rest of her life.

“Sa-”

“No!”

“I'm not drunk!” Sakura swallows audibly, then risks a single glance at the nude female.

“Flushed, out of breath, dilated pupils, erratic behaviour-”

“Horny. Not drunk.” Sakura sends a prayer towards the sky, asking for patience and resilience.

“Shit. Sakura. I'm... I'm sorry. I know I'm a mess, okay? But...” Tsunade takes a deep breath and slumps forward. Sakura forcefully drags her eyes away from her.

“Maybe I should move out. Better than waiting for something that's never going to happen.” Now that catches Sakura's attention. Before she can control herself, she starts to talk:

“What's that supposed to mean. You agreed to be friends and until tonight you never-” Tsunade snorts and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

“Got tired of waiting. Needed the alcohol so I could lose just enough respect to shove the truth right in your face.” Sakura deflates as all air leaves her lungs and she drops onto the couch.

“Maybe not the best plan-”

“That's a plan you came up with? Trying to arouse me via assault?!” Sakura screeches before reaching for a pillow and throwing it at the blonde who tilts her head to the side just enough to avoid being hit.

“You sounded like it worked.” Sakura, mid-motion of throwing another object, freezes. Tsunade has a poi- No. Shaking her head as if that is going to help, Sakura bites the inside of her cheek before replying.

“No. I'm not- You're not- I-” Damnit, brain!

“Just stop lying to yourself for a second. We've practically lived like a couple for months. Everyone out there thinks we're in a relationship! Why else do you think I stopped sleeping around? Because I suddenly decided to become celibate? Not fucking likely!” Wait. What?

“I've seen you with a woman just days ago! What are you even talking about?!” A quiet voice attempts to remind her that she urgently needs to sort out her priorities but everything else is too loud and Sakura doesn't listen to it.

“We were just making out. I'm not a nun and living in close quarters with you is stressful,” the blonde almost pouts and Sakura desperately wants to bang her head against the wall. Taking a deep breath and telling herself that at least one of them has to keep a clear head because Tsunade is obviously out of her mind, Sakura raises her hands and looks at her friend.

“I- I can't. I'm sorry.” It's the best she can do without going into too much detail. She hopes she sounds as tired as she feels, exhausted enough that Tsunade is willing to accept it and move on.

“Why. Why can't you!” the blonde demands instead. Sakura opens her mouth, then closes it before burying her head in her hands. She's terrified of admitting this to herself, but Tsunade is right. They crossed from roommate to partner territory ages ago except Sakura never truly realised it. Suddenly the extra chicken breast the butcher tends to add to her order free of charge or the odd bottle of sake that finds its way into her grocery bag courtesy of the nice fruit stand lady make a terrifying amount of sense.

And the worst part is that, were she to truly consider the idea, Sakura wouldn't even mind. Tsunade is... a disaster most of the time but when she's not she's blunt, as sharp as a whip, fun to be around, and god, her smile... She digs her fingers into her temples in an effort to keep the last remaining shreds of her sanity. Sakura can't allow herself to entertain thoughts of what-if's and could have been's. This woman is not her enemy but she's not her friend either and Sakura has to remember that at all cost.

“...I can't tell you.” It's weak, so disgustingly weak but it's all she can give her. It has to be enough.

“Because you have some fucking knowledge of the fucking future?” Gone is whatever spell Tsunade has been caught under and in her budding rage, she's so lucid and so much like herself that Sakura can't tear her eyes off her.

“Yes, Tsunade! Because I know things you don't, things that mean I can't do this-” She tries to argue. Anything to make sure this doesn't happen and she doesn't ruin her own future.

“Give me one reason, one good fucking reason and I'll leave you alone.” Sakura stares at her and doesn't know what to say.

“I-” Tsunade growls and comes closer, hands balled into fists.

“One!”

“YOU HATE ME!” Sakura gasps in shock, then clamps her hands over her mouth. She didn't mean to say that, anything but that. Except it works. Tsunade stops in her tracks, hot orange anger fizzling out into nothingness.

“...what?” Sakura bites her teeth, then throws all caution in the wind.

“You absolutely hate me. Always did! You're the teacher, the one that never liked me, the one that hated me from the day we first met because one day I will fuck up so bad, you will hold that grudge for over forty years!” she spits and curses in the blonde's face, so inexplicably furious with the world and herself. Why the hell is she here, why did this have to happen to her, hasn't she dealt with enough?!

“...but...”

“No buts! I... I shouldn't have even become friends with you. I should have stayed away to make sure whatever is going to happen doesn't so we can both have a better future but I screwed it up because I'm fucking stupid!” A single tear strolls down her cheek, soon joined by another. Sakura is tired. So tired of this whole situation, tired of her own inability to make good decisions, tired of knowing that she is responsible for her own misery. There had been no need to stick close to the sannin. No need to become friends with any of them. She should have kept to herself but instead of doing the smart thing, Sakura failed herself when it mattered the most.

“You're not.”

“Yes, I am-” Hands close themselves around her wrists and gently pry them away from her face. Through watery eyes, Sakura finds herself staring at the sheer gentleness and compassion that is meant for her and her alone, and can barely stand the sight.

“No,” Tsunade insists as she joins Sakura on the couch, hands still resting on top of hers.

“Whatever you will do is going to happen no matter what. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here. If she... I... didn't hate you, then yeah it wouldn't have happened but where you're from, I do. So no matter what you do... it's inevitable.”

“That's how time stuff works, right? If you could change it, it already would've changed and you wouldn't be here. So you might as well just say 'fuck it'. And do whatever the hell you want.” Vulnerability flitters across the blonde's face for a split second just before she averts her gaze.

“That includes me.”

“...you?” Sakura asks, confused and unsure. Her head is a mess and truly, all she wants is to fall asleep and just never wake up again.

“Yes. Me. Do me.” Wha- Oh. Oh. That, combines with Tsunade's state of undress that Sakura just now becomes aware of again, causes her to flush in a brilliant scarlet.

“How can you say that? Now that you know that-”

“That what. We're like forty years apart? I'm your teacher that hates you because you screw me over at some point?” Tsunade says so casually Sakura can't help but wonder if she somehow completely missed the point.

“Any of that, really...” she murmurs and shifts to the side so the blonde's chest is no longer dominating Sakura's field of view.

“Well. Right now, we're the same age. You taught me more than I ever taught you. And you've been my pillar after... you haven't screwed me over yet. And I've wanted to fuck you ever since I first saw you.” Her face is on fire. Sakura's quite certain of that. Not that it distracts her from the sudden warmth pooling in the lower pits of her stomach.

“According to Jiraiya that's a common theme with you...” she attempts to distract herself, only to fail miserably. Tsunade is too close, too goddamn attractive and when did Sakura start thinking about her like that anyway?

“Not like that. I- Fuck. I like you, okay?” Eh?

“W- what?”

“You're pretty, smart, not a pushover, can deal with my two idiots, you cook really well... look I'm not a talker. I just... genuinely like you.” Now that it's Tsunade's turn to blush and be embarrassed, Sakura finds all her objections evaporate into nothingness because fuck it all, Sakura likes her back and has done so for god knows how long.

“...what if this is what ruins it, eventually?” It has to be. There's no other way. Nothing can mark a person for the rest of their life quite like heartbreak does.

“Didn't you listen to me? You can't change the past because your future is already set in stone. And...” Tsunade catches herself for a moment, then shows a kind of tenderness Sakura has never seen on her before. It suits her and that alone frightens her beyond words.

“You've been stranded for almost a year. Who knows how long you'll still be here. Do you really want to be on your own all that time?”

“I...” Does she? Does she, really?

“...no,” Sakura whispers so quietly she can barely hear herself. It's already too late, has been for too long to still be able to turn back. She's gotten so used to the blonde, so attached that the thought of losing her cuts deeper than she can bear.

“Me neither.” This time, when Tsunade creeps closer and gently grasps Sakura's chin, she doesn't stop her. Their first real kiss is sweet and feels like a pressure that sat on her chest for months finally gives way to the utter warmth and affection she receives from the woman – and gives back in return.

Soon after, they fall asleep in a tangle of limbs and Sakura dreams of her rage, fury, and countless whispers of 'I hate you'.

The next morning is confusing. Waking up with a naked Tsunade wrapped around her body sends Sakura into a fit that wakes up the blonde who's not a morning person and really, it all sort of goes downhill from there.

“Fuck's sake, calm down. Nothing happened,” Tsunade grumbles with a yawn and rubs her face, entirely unaware what the sight of her messy hair and very nude body does to Sakura.

“Well. You're my girlfriend now. Other than that, nothing happened.” Um. What?

“What?” Her head hurts like hell and damn it all, it's too early for whatever it is that's going on right now.

“You told me all about how future me hates your face and we decided that it doesn't matter. Can we sleep some more?” Sakura doesn't get an opportunity to answer and finds herself with an armful of naked sannin all over again. Piece by piece, the memories return and along with them, so do Sakura's worries and regrets.

“Stop angsting about it. It's a nice morning and you're ruining it,” Tsunade mumbles against her neck and wraps her arms tighter around her waist. Sakura's breath grows erratic, accompanied by a vibrant flush spreading from her cheeks to the rest of her body.

“Um, I need... I need a moment to...” She doesn't know what she needs a moment for, only that Tsunade is too close and too tempting and she can't deal with it. A single honey eye opens lazily, takes in the way Sakura stares at the ceiling, the scarlet coloring of her cheeks and neck, the complete stiffness of her body and glints in amusement.

“I like the way you think,” she purrs and Sakura squeaks when her fingers dig into the flesh of her waist and the blonde's tongue starts exploring the sensitive skin of her throat.

“No. Nonononono-” She does her best to push Tsunade off her, except the blonde merely chuckles and straddles her hips in a way that makes the bounce and jiggle of her ridiculously ample chest impossible to ignore.

“No?” she asks, teasingly, and moves her hands upwards towards Sakura's breasts, revealing inch after inch of skin. Sakura is frozen, unable to speak or even think. Unable to deny her anything.

“If you really want me to I'll stop... but I don't think you do.” She's right. Sakura doesn't try to protest again.

Tsunade is loving the first time, gentle and careful after Sakura tells her that she's her first. She kisses her breasts, licks her skin, rubs her between her legs and enters her slowly when she's already so wet she barely feels any pain.

She turns Sakura into a hot sweaty mess, draws one moan after another from the depths of her throat, bites her lips and reduces her to little more than a needy, desperate soul longing for more. When Sakura is spent and falling apart at the seams, she guides her between her legs and teaches her where and how to use her tongue and the sounds she makes are music to Sakura's ears. They cherish each other all day and after the third time when Sakura feels comfortable enough, Tsunade shows her how she loves best.

Rough, wild, and a little unhinged, she drags her nails over her skin, bites her neck hard enough to draw blood, pinches her nipples and nibbles at her clit while two fingers unravel Sakura from the inside until she begs for release.

When she falls asleep that night, sweaty, slick between her legs and other places, Tsunade's taste on her lips and face buried in her silky blonde strands, Sakura has a moment of clarity and realises that now there is no way back. She has chosen her path and while she knows, deep down, it is the wrong one she can no longer bring herself to regret the decision.

“Fucking finally!” Jiraiya yells when the two of them enter the training grounds where Jiraiya and Orochimaru are already waiting.

“How do you know, huh, pervert?” Tsunade demands while Sakura is too busy flushing so hard she looks like she's suffering from third-degree burns.

“I know a satisfied lady when I see one! And your girlfriend over there is looking mighty-” He doesn't get to finish because Tsunade is already upon him, doing her best to turn his face into a crater.

“Treat her well,” Orochimaru comments once, then never brings it up again. Sakura feels the stirrings of guilt but forces them down. She spent enough time worrying over the future. Instead of brooding, she settles down next to him and watches Tsunade chase Jiraiya around the woods, listens to their bickering and the blonde's threats of imminent death and smiles.

“I know you hate when I drink,” Tsunade begins as they're both in the bathroom, fixing each other's hair. It's their first official date which for some reason includes Jiraiya and Orochimaru, both of which are already at the restaurant they agreed to meet at. The women are late and Sakura refuses to take responsibility for that. Tsunade never cared about punctuality and that hasn't changed.

“Just when it's too much,” Sakura comments while applying a faint rosy hint to the centre of her lips.

“We'll just have to do it together then. So you can keep an eye on me.” Sakura blushes and smiles at the blonde before smoothing down her ponytail. Her hair has grown way past her shoulders now, is close to reaching her waist. Tsunade likes long hair.

“Come on. They've waited long enough,” she decides and drags her away from the mirror, ignoring her protests.

“Tyrant.” Tsunade sticks out her tongue, then laughs and flees the apartment when Sakura's eyes darken with the promise of violence. The date is a success despite Jiraiya's lecherous comments which carry no real weight behind them and Orochimaru's tendencies to terrorise the waiting staff for his own amusement.

In the end, nothing truly changes which makes it all the more obvious to Sakura just how comfortable she has gotten around Tsunade. The only true novelty is the nigh constant sex they have multiple times a day. Tsunade is insatiable and Sakura soon learns to match her hunger. They alternate between gentle, rough, clumsy and violent and it's... perfect. Simply perfect.

“It's my birthday. And I want to party.” Nine words that spell trouble but Tsunade just turned twenty years old and who is Sakura to rain on her parade?

In a ridiculous turn of events, Sakura drinks and dances more than the blonde who can't stop laughing at the younger one's incredible hypocrisy. They grind against each other on the dancefloor and down shots until they barely manage to find their way back to the apartment. Sakura presents Tsunade her gift in the morning, a single diamond stud that matches the one Sakura already wears in her left ear lobe.

Partying turns into a weekly occurrence. Random strangers in their bed is a rare treat they enjoy occasionally when both are in the mood. Weeks pass, then months, then an entire year. On their first anniversary, Tsunade drags Sakura to Jiraiya's apartment and the sight of ink, needles and enough alcohol to send an entire army to sleep is one she can safely say, comes unexpectedly.

“Your bird inspired me,” Tsunade admits as she makes Sakura sit down and grabs her hand.

“Does your family have a symbol?” she asks just when Sakura hisses in pain at the first stab of Jiraiya's needle.

“We're a civilian clan. It's a simple circle,” she explains and bites her lip as the white-haired male painstakingly etches the Senju clan symbol onto the back of Sakura's right hand.

“Good enough for me,” Tsunade decides and extends her own hand once Jiraiya is done with Sakura's. She stares at the mark on her hand, the dark black lines of Konoha's most noble founding clan, then swallows the lump in her throat. This means something, more than she dares to admit, yet what truly takes all air from her lungs, is the image of Tsunade's perfect skin marred with the Haruno circle.

A mark, she knows, the woman will eventually get rid of or cover up. Sakura tries very hard not to think about that.

“You know I'm rich, right?” Tsunade asks one evening when they lounge in the grass close to the Hokage monument, staring at the stars high above them.

“And humble too,” Sakura quips and laughs when the blonde stabs her finger into her bare waist.

“I'm just saying. We could get a nicer place. Or a house. I really want a pet.” Sakura hums, then rolls on her side.

“What kind of pet?”

“Don't know. Maybe a pig? Pigs are cool.” A cold shower runs down her back and her momentary stillness must have been obvious to Tsunade who looks at her, then returns to staring at the stars.

“I'm going to have one eventually, huh.”

“Yeah,” Sakura whispers and curls into the woman, entangles their legs and buries her face in the crook of her neck.

“So weird to think about that. I can't imagine ever hating you.” Sakura can. And it's killing her on the inside.

“I love you.” Her breath catches in her throat and her head snaps upwards. There's no emotion on Tsunade's face, no hint that she just spoke the words that still ring in Sakura's ears.

“I-” she begins, then falls silent and stares at the ground.

“I love you too.”

This time, when Tsunade loses a loved one, Sakura knows her well enough to take care of her. There are no drunken escapades, no arguments, nothing. She slowly pulls her back to her feet and soon after agrees to move into the Senju compound. She's always been the clan heiress but now that her uncle holds the title, she's next in line for clan leadership.

The additional responsibility that comes with the fate looming above her head, does little to change Tsunade. Only once, does the Nidaime take Sakura aside to study her thoroughly without speaking a single word.

“Be careful,” is all he offers but it is enough. The words stick.

Sakura graduated close to the top of her class and has always been an excellent student. She knows that war and Tsunade's ascension to legend is little more than two years away. With every day that passes she wonders more and more when the other shoe is going to drop, when everything will go sideways, when she will be sent back. Back. Not home. Sakura knows where home is and it's with the blonde she will eventually lose, one way or another.

She is twenty-two when her future begins to haunt her. It's an accident. She's careless and runs into a man with enough speed to knock him off his feet. She apologises and helps him back up, then somehow ends up treating him to a cup of tea as apology.

“Dan,” he introduces himself.

“Kato Dan.” A white flash appears in front of her vision and for a split second, his soft features, large eyes and straight nose rearrange themselves as his hair turns black until in his place, Sakura sees Shizune instead.

“I just moved here with my family. My sister is pregnant with her first child and we prefer the security of the village.” Shizune. Sakura pales and sways on her feet. Only his quick intervention prevents her fall.

“OI! Get your hands off my girlfriend!” She doesn't protest when Tsunade more or less tears her from his arms and helps her back to the compound.

“Did that creep do anything?” she asks and Sakura merely shakes her head.

“No. I was just... he seemed nice, you know? I think he'd make a good friend.” She has no idea if this is true but in the far future, Tsunade will take Shizune with her and that cannot happen when she considers her uncle an enemy.

“You know something I don't, huh,” the blonde grumbles, then waves away Sakura's protest.

“Whatever. As long as he doesn't get handsy again I'll give him a chance.”

Tsunade and Dan end up getting along despite the latter's lack of interest in alcohol, gambling or parties. At some point he joins their group of four, now five. He confesses that his sister offered him the privilege of naming her daughter and when Sakura suggests Shizune, he immediately loves the name. Sakura feels like she's playing god and it makes her sick enough to decline to visit the baby for an entire month until Tsunade's tired of her antics and forces her to go see the child. It's love at first sight.

“Babies are weird,” Tsunade sniffs once they're alone with the newborn as her mother takes a well-deserved break.

“You will come to love her like a mother, in time.” It's rare for Sakura to share specifics but just this once she can't help herself. Shizune is beyond precious to her and while they never talked much about her background or history that led to her following Tsunade around the world, Sakura would do anything to make sure she gets to have that once more.

“Will I? Hm. Looks like a raisin.”

“Tsunade!”

“What? It's true!”

It takes him five years until one day Sakura opens the door to a grim-faced Nidaime and knows her time has come.

“No.”

“Tsuna-” Sakura attempts to reach for her only to freeze when Tsunade backs away as if she were poisonous.

“No. You're not going.” She stands tall and firm, mouth pressed into a thin line. Sakura stares at her and feels the pressure build in her throat.

“I have to!” she insists, voice scratchy and rubs her eyes in an effort to keep the tears at bay.

“You don't have to do fuck all! What's waiting for you there anyway? Nothing!”

“My... my family, my friends, I need to-” She lies her little heart out, knows she hasn't missed them in a long time, fuck she doesn't want to go, doesn't want to leave-

“I AM YOUR FAMILY!” She roars and Sakura flinches heavily at the rage in her voice.

“Jiraiya, Orochimaru, Dan, we are your friends! It's been five years, Sakura! This is your home! With us! With me!” Tears stream down Sakura's face as she takes in the hurt, betrayal and sheer fury that is Tsunade. Finally, she understands. Knows exactly where and how she went wrong. Knows that the final question has been answered, knows why Tsunade will grow older and bitter and learn to hate her.

“I... I can't,” she sobs and the way the blonde stares at her like she's the most disgusting thing she's ever laid eyes on burns itself into her memory. It's an image Sakura will never forget and it's everything she deserves. Tsunade leaves then, and when she turns around one last time, utters five little words that shatter Sakura into countless tiny shards of glass.

“I will never forgive you.”

She doesn't get to say goodbye to Orochimaru who disappeared on another one of his secret excursions that Sakura know, are the beginnings of the terrible monster he will one day become. She talks to Jiraiya one last time in between his busy jounin sensei schedule and religiously avoids even so much as looking in the direction of Naruto's father. Dan, who was never told the truth, is left a letter with a plea to look out for Tsunade. Shizune, she leaves a tiny little necklace that she spotted when browsing the markets weeks ago. A necklace she knows, the older woman will never take off.

And Tsunade... is gone. Nowhere to be found. Sakura refuses to cry yet marches to the Hokage's office like a woman walking towards her own execution.

In the blink of an eye, she loses the life she built for herself. In the blink of an eye, she is in a different office, surrounded by a different crowd, and once more, after five years, faced with the woman she loves who in turn, hates her so.

“Saku-chan! You're back!” It's Naruto and he flings himself at her hard enough to knock her into Sasuke who immediately begins to berate the blonde.

“Ugh, it's been foreeeeever! Are you okay? Baa-chan said you had a time something accident and it's been three weeks and I was so worried!” Sakura's not sure what her brain gets stuck on. The disorientation at the entire situation, the mention of her that she doesn't dare look at, or-

“Three... weeks?” She stares at him and finally notices that he hasn't changed, is still exactly the same as the Naruto in her memory. So is Sasuke. So are Kakashi-sensei and Shizune. Pink hair falls in front of her face, strands that reach all the way to her hips and her mouth runs dry.

“Yeah! Basically an eternity. Are you okay? Hey, your hair's all different!” She can't stand him, can't take it, not now, and pushes him off her and walks a few steps backwards until she stands in the middle of the room.

“It's been five years for me.” Dead silence follows her words and Sakura is intimately aware of the way they scrutinise her, take in her matured features, her subtle increase in height, the muscle definition in her arms. All the signs that show the passage of time, prove to them that what she said is true. She twists her hand to hide the Senju mark from sight, a motion that is caught by only one set of eyes in the room.

“Fi- what? No way,” Naruto breathes and reaches out for her. Instinct drives Sakura to slap his hand away. Hurt races across his face but he withdraws, solemn and quiet now that he understands what five years truly means.

“A report isn't necessary. You get three days of rest, then Shizune expects you back at the hospital.” Sakura flinches violently when she hears her voice, reacts as if slapped. Her hands shake and she takes a shuddering breath before turning towards her. She, who refuses to even look at her.

“Tsuna-”

“Dismissed.” Sakura's head rears backwards as she stares at her, eyes wide, mouth agape. She-

“I said: Dismissed.” The bite in her voice is familiar and it ignites a similar spark in Sakura who welcomes the sudden anger with open arms, invites it to drown her. Anything to keep the hurt away, to avoid having her heart torn from her chest.

“Is that it?” she demands, hands clenched to fists, muscles tensed.

“Get out of my office,” Tsunade hisses yet still refuses to even look at her. Sakura growls and stalks closer, chakra brimming in her fingertips.

“Fucking make me,” she snarls and finally, finally, she turns her head. Wrath turned her honey eyes a dark brown and she is all anger, fury, rage, so bright and alive that Sakura feels herself burst into flames.

“You forget yourself,” the blonde growls and Sakura can feel the energy building in her body, is so familiar with the tune and feel fo her chakra that she knows they're moments away from reducing the building to rubble and dust.

“Oh yeah? I think one of us is forgetting herself and it's not me.” She baits her because it's the only thing she can do and Sakura is desperate, so desperate for even a tiny hint of the woman she's so terribly in love with and an enraged Tsunade is the truest form of her there is.

“Get out of my sight!” Sakura leans closer and knows the blonde is on the verge of exploding and this is what Sakura chases, her only hope to reclaim their shared past, her last resort.

“Coward.” She intercepts the fist just before it can meet her face and curls her fingers around Tsunade's hand, applying just enough pressure to make it hurt.

“I know the truth and now that we're in a position to fix it, you're just going to pretend the last five years never happened?”

“Thirty-three!” As if stung, Sakura immediately lets go of her hand. She stares at it, at the exact spot where the circle is supposed to be.

“It's been thirty. three. years,” Tsunade repeats with all the vitriol that hits Sakura where it hurts most.

“You still made it happen. You still sent me-” This time, Sakura is too late to dodge the fist that crashes into her shoulder and breaks every single bone it touches. She is flung back into the door that's torn off the hinges. Dust and shrapnels surround her as she coughs and staggers to her feet.

“Don't confuse my actions with sentimentality. They were necessary. If it were up to me,” Tsunade sneers as she stares her down, impervious to the shock and anger directed at her from their audience.

“I would've ensured we never met in the first place.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kakashi asks when he finds her on the edge of a pond an hour after Sakura practically fled the Hokage tower but he is not her friend, fuck he is not Jiraiya, and Sakura hates him for that reason alone.

“There's nothing to talk about.” She shrugs him off, abandons him and returns to the village. She walks the wrong way first, her feet take her to where she lived for years before moving into the now non-existent Senju compound. She stops and stares at the apartment complex, then takes a look around. The shops are different, the markets are changed, nothing is the same and yet it is.

She wants nothing more than to stomp her feet and turn it all to dust.

They try. They're her friends, Sakura knows this, but while they lived without her for three weeks, she was gone for five whole years. Five years in which she became friends with three dead men, a child that's now a woman who can't remember her and Tsunade who is back to pretending Sakura doesn't exist. She doesn't work at the hospital anymore, told Shizune she quits a few days after her return. She asks questions. So do the others.

'What was it like', 'Did you meet the founders', 'What have you been up to for five years', 'What was that argument with baa-chan about'-

She avoids Naruto. Sasuke, who is still technically her boyfriend, too. Ino, who can read her like only one other person ever could, as well. Soon, Sakura flees the scene whenever she so much as sees a flash of color that belongs to either of her friends. Sai is the only exception because Sai doesn't ask questions. Sai is content to simply let her be, allows her to take refuge in his apartment when Sakura's own is surveilled by Naruto.

“You got another one,” he says one day when Sakura forgets to put on the glove she wears on her right hand. They both stare at the Senju crest and Sakura doesn't doubt that he connects the dots quite easily.

“Your secret is safe with me,” he adds soon after then lets her make dinner. Sai remains the only one she stays close to. Everyone else is too young, too different, too... they all expect her to be someone she's not. Someone she hasn't been in years and they can't deal with a grown Sakura that drinks more than is healthy, sleeps her way through Konoha on a whim, wakes up when the sun is just about to set, then goes out to party until the first rays of light touch the rooftops.

That they're too young to follow her into those clubs is a minor blessing in a world that's gone to hell.

“Okay. I've had it. What the hell, forehead!” Her luck runs out, eventually. It always does, Sakura thinks morosely as she shrugs off Ino's hand on her shoulder and prepares to move when suddenly, she's stuck to the ground.

“This is a terrible idea, Ino,” Shikamaru points out from where he's busy keeping Sakura tethered to the ground. Red clouds her vision and she pours her chakra into her head, fighting the hold just long enough to turn her head towards Ino and the rest of their audience.

“Let me go,” she demands, takes in their defiant faces that still have remnants of baby fat clinging to them and hates.

“Not until you tell us exactly what is going on with you!” Naruto and Sasuke silently support Ino and Hinata is the only one who seems uncomfortable with what they're doing.

“I fucking grew up, that's what's going on with me. Are you done acting like idiot children now?” Naruto opens his mouth to protest but Sasuke beats him to it:

“So what, you just get drunk and fuck around? Very adult behaviour!”

“Don't talk about things you don't understand,” Sakura hisses and keeps gathering chakra, directing the flow towards her feet where the shadow's hold is the strongest.

“I want to understand! Just talk to me, please! We're friends,” Ino pleads with her and that's the final straw. With a violent expulsion of chakra, she breaks free and stomps on the shadow for good measure, sending a small spike of pain along the construct and right into Shikamaru's arms.

“My friends,” Sakura growls,

“are dead.” She thinks of Jiraiya, Orochimaru and Dan and misses them so fiercely it nearly rips her in half.

“Stop pretending I'm anything at all like the person I used to be when I left. And stop following me. If you try this shit again I'll show you exactly what I learned after five years of being in the company of the sannin.” She leaves them behind and makes the decision to sell her apartment. She doesn't need more than a few changes of clothing and bare essentials all of which are stored at Sai's place.

“I told them not to do it,” he offers when she returns after ripping four training grounds to absolute shreds.

“I know,” Sakura murmurs and disappears into the shower before lying down on her futon and falling into a restless sleep.

“Tell me,” Shizune says one day after joining Sakura on the Hokage monument. And because Shizune is the only tether she still has to a time when everything was perfect, Sakura does.

“My uncle told me I got this necklace from a friend of his. He said that one day she simply... disappeared.” Sakura watches as Shizune pulls at the silver chain around her neck to reveal a row of blue and red glass baubles.

“He wasn't wrong,” Sakura offers and while it hurts, it's just about bearable. Shizune is... different. Her true teacher, her friend who had always taken care of her and always will... no matter how screwed up their time line is.

“He also said that she came up with my name.” Shizune studies her until Sakura has to look away.

“Does it bother you?” The woman is quiet for a long moment, then sighs and shakes her head.

“No. Whatever you did... led us here. To peace and a quiet comfortable life. I cannot fault you for that.”

“She does,” Sakura breaths because she simply cannot help herself. It's entirely unexpected when Shizune draws Sakura into a hug. Still, she doesn't fight it.

“You know, I always thought my uncle's death drove her to abandon the village and running away from her problems. But now... I think that perhaps, it simply pushed her over an edge she'd been teetering on for years.”

“I ruined her,” Sakura whispers in the quiet of the night and if she could, she would start to weep.

“What are you going to do now?” Shizune asks and while Sakura doesn't reply, the answer rests just on the tip of her tongue and she knows the other woman hears it anyway.

“Last chance to change your mind.” She's not begging. Not at all. Silence is her only answer. She leaves her headband on the desk, turns around and walks out without looking back.

When the sun rises in Konoha, Sakura is long gone.