Chapter Text
There was never a day that the 104th precinct of Trost was tranquil. Every single nook and cranny of the bricked building always had murmurs (or rambunctious quarrelling) from either policemen, perps, and civilians alike. There would be also be clicking keyboards, telephones ringing, shuffling piles of stacked papers, keys, creaking of doors, and of course, on the second floor, Blause fucks up the kitchen's microwave again. Then Springer, for the second time this week, slaps the nape of her neck with a rolled document and scolds her. The brunette sheepishly cleans up her mess with the last ply of tissue on its roll. Mikasa hated the stench of the lasagna because her hunger made her nauseous. After apathetically glancing at the mess that unfolded, the detective takes a sip of her now cold Americano, then resumes on typing her report.
Adjacent to her desk, Eren periodically peeks and then hides behind his monitor, watching her like a predator calculating the moves of its prey. He was reluctant whether or not he should talk to her at the moment. Knowing that if she had her resting-bitch-face on as she's working, 'funny business' was never invited. Ackerman was no vulnerable deer, and once he tried to hunt her, he found himself kissing her desk while she dug her boots on his cheek; he pretty much became her prized taxidermy and his dart came back to him tenth fold. Ironically, the scary ravenette happened to be one of his best friends in the precinct. Since their captain entrusts them with the most arduous missions, it forced them to be closer to each other. Eren thought of setting aside his thought until the end of their shift. However, he was itching around and even if he tried to concentrate on his screen, he can't stop glancing at her - thanks to the conversation he had with his mother last night that irked him to his core.
---
"...Have you eaten well?""
"Yeah, Mama! Gotta keep eating veggies to keep me energized at work." He groggily cheers while lying through his gritted teeth, then chows on another scoop of salt and vinegar chips.
"That's great! I was worried about your appetite. Anyway, I hope you're coming to Zekey's wedding."
"Of course, Ma. I'm his best man! I'm gonna come home in two weeks. I also have to keep Zee-Zee in check in case he runs away with the ring." He reaches for his beer and chugs it, while eyes fixed on the baseball game of the Trost Titans against the Warriors. His mother giggles on the other end and he softly smiled. As much as he gets a little annoyed when she throws never-ending questions of his wellbeing, he appreciates it. He softly smiles at her contagious laugh.
"You coming alone? Well, it would be nice seeing you bring someone. C'mon baby, use the face your mama and papa gave ya."
And oh how he tries not to sigh.
"If not, I know a sweet girl from work! She's a year older than you but I think you'll like her. Her name's Hitch-"
He rushes to grab the chip bag and crumples it on the phone's mic. "H-hello Ma?"
"E..r What... pening.." She sounded like a ghost behind a spirit box.
"Mama, you're choppy, I'll call you back. Love you." He quickly presses the red end button of his cellphone and tosses it on the coffee table. He hunches over and rests his elbows on his knees, and lets out the biggest sigh ever, releasing everything he held back during the call. He stares blankly at the table and there was a pitcher tossing the ball on his peripheral vision.
Ever since he broke up with his ex-girlfriend, Historia, his family - especially Mama and Aunt Faye, kept throwing bachelorettes at him. It ends up turning into innumerous failed attempts of ring toss and none of them could even shoot a single loop in. He understands that they wanted to help him out after locking himself shut. But he was pretty young when everything unfolded. He's literally 27, dedicated to his duty as a detective, and nonchalant about dates - but even after ten years, it seems like the message isn't clear enough to them at all. His lock screen lights up - a selfie of him and his brother's cheeky capuchin monkey, Zee-Zee, wrapping his arms around his neck, and then there was a message notification from Mama.
'Let me know if you're interested in me bringing her in. She's wonderful, beautiful and smart. Text me back baby, take care! I love you!' And she follows it up with a pink heart emoji and another one blowing a kiss.
Eren throws himself backwards on his leather Barcalounger while running his fingers from his cheek to his hair, tugging its brown strands. Even if he declines, she'd bring her in anyway. His mother always had a way with her things and he realized that at age 3, where a house slipper made him comply to wear an ugly turtleneck sweater, even if he was choked up with tears. Eren found himself stunned at a dead end without a solution. Until his phone lights up again, another notification. But this time, it was Ackerman.
'hey were interrogating tmrw. bring the files in and captain america needs us by 6. no fuckin way im picking u up."
He blinks for awhile and comes up with the dumbest solution to ever exist in mankind.
--
He heavily sighs then reaches for his pen, then begins clicking. It was his and Mikasa's way of getting each other's attention, a secret language they accidentally created in one of their stakeouts. He glances at her and his screen, while his thumb continuously smashes on the mechanics of the pen. It took awhile to the point that he even had time to take a sip of his Capri Sun.
"I'm ignoring you. I'm too tired. Hungry. Leave me alone, Yeager." She utters monotonously while her blank face never peeled off from the screen as she continues to hack the keyboard.
"Not even a five minute break? I'll promise I'll treat you after work to whatever you'd like to go. You know, dumplings, maybe some perogies, anything from Pixiiis'." He says cheekily as he leans a bit towards her even if their desks and monitors barricaded them from each other.
"The last time we went there, your card declined and I had to pay nearly $60 out of my pocket so that we didn't have to the wash dishes on their filthy sink." She says flatly without a beat.
Eren hesitantly drags himself to the free chair beside her - the seat reserved for civilian reports. But for him, he was entering the den of a lioness. He boldly places an arm on the corner of her desk, wiggling both of his eyebrows together. The ravenette only turns to him with a blank expression, but at least her eyes were blinking this time. But she didn't have the energy to gnaw at him - her dark circles, disheveled low bun and dried coffee on the corner of her lip says it all.
Eren sings, "Look Miks. You're my best friend and I'm your best friend-"
"What the fuck do you want."
"Dude. I kinda......fucked up."
Her face lightens up in horror and her mouth gapes open like a fish. "YEAGER DON'T FUCKING TELL ME YOU MESSED UP ON THE FUCKING RE-" She yells atop of her lungs, and a few heads from different desks whip around. "Calm down! SHHHH!" Eren waves his hands around their audience, signaling 'heyy guyss things are fine, please resume'. Mikasa shoots him with the same glare his father made when he came home with an F.
He whispers, "It's not the work we did, I got it all covered. Reports are annoying but I'm not stupid enough to mess it up. All I need is a bit polishing, then print, then me, you, Cap 'Murica Smith sign it. Then, voila, Daddy Yeager tucks his little Report to sleep in a file blanket. Then I give it a good ol' kissy kiss." She sighs in such relief, eyes closed while grasping at the arm rests of her office chair and draws her head upwards. "I still don't know how I lost our bet with one perp away when you do shit like this, Yeager." He chuckles, then pauses when she darts a death glare. He raises both of his hands in resignation. "Okay, tiger! Pipe down a bit! I don't want someone to write an obituary of a detective being the one murdered by his own partner. That's really embarrassing."
"Cut to the chase, you likely have two minutes out of your promised five to say your crap."
Floch on the other side of the bullpen raises his thumb to ask if everything's alright, and both detectives nod in feigned glee. Eren turns back to Mikasa, "I'm fucked because..." He sighs and clears his throat. "MomtriedtosetmeupwithagirlatherworkandifIsaynoshe'llbringinherinanywayandmyfamilyhassomesortofhistorywithtryingtofindmeagirlandIhateitandmybrother'sweddingisintwoweeks-"
She places a finger on his lip. "I don't need an aneurysm right now. Again. This time slower."
He prepares himself for the predicament. "Sooooooo, remember my brother Ezekiel?
"Uhuh."
"He's getting married..." Eren rocks back and forth, while Mikasa's head circles around with her mouth open in anticipation. "Uhuh.. Congrats?"
Eren winces, "I",
his mouth feels hella dry, "kinda need someone to umm come with me .... to like... pretend to be..."
Gosh his cheeks and ears were burning, "my.... girl... friend?" Aaand his voice raised 3 decibels higher.
Mikasa furrows her brows, wondering what it has to do with her. Then it slightly dawns on her, "Okay... And?" She looks around, a bit uncomfortable and prays her intuition is wrong.
"I want you to.. uhm... do that-this things... like you...me...'ya know? So you down being my decoy girlfriend?" He utters as if out of breath.
A hanging and terribly awkward silence ensues them like two cowboys on a verge of a shoot out.
A rolling tumbleweed would really dramatize everything, but they only god Sergeant Moblit's paperclip flinging from his desk. They could hear it hit the tile even though three perps were wailing and whining in their cell. Mikasa clears her throat to break their silence and brings her shoulders on a loop to ease its tension. " Please tell me this is one of your dumb jokes."
He awkwardly shakes his head. She rubs her palms against her eyes. "Goddess Maria, Sina Rose....Why can't you just... show up alone? You're not gonna die if you do."
"Look, I got myself in to this mess and I can't get out."
"Holy shit, how deep is your head stuck in your ass if you fucked up this bad?"
"I think you didn't catch on what I said but my family's really crazy - especially Mom, about me getting a girlfriend and they keep throwing weird chicks at me. I hate it. I appreciate their concern but the chicks are not my type and I'm terrible at-
"Dude, first of all, you're not the sharpest tool in the shed."
"I know, but listen...Like... I know I'm no prize but..." He looks around and shuffles in the seat before he leans closer. Instinctively, she also leans in. "There was this one chick who asked me what sign I was, I said I'm an Aries, because apparently March 30th is Aries and I rolled along with it - I don't know shit about astrology. Well...she just... started crying her eyes out? She then had an entire Shakespearean soliloquy about tragedy and I couldn't stand it. So, I got up, bowed at her like I finished a piano recital or something - then left her wailing in front of oysters and cheap wine without saying goodbye. Everyone in the restaurant thought it was a proposal gone wrong. Dude I didn't even know her name."
Mikasa sucks her teeth in second hand embarrassment and holds her breath. "oh god... you suck."
"Another case was this one hot girl and she's hella smart - well, she's in her last years of med residency. I would've enjoyed our company if she didn't start licking my hands in front of the waiter-" Her eyebrows raised, grinning, "No, Mikasa, I wasn't turned on. Especially when she said something about skin and bones - then I called it a night."
She lets out a belly laugh in disbelief, but knowing Yeager for three years, he was definitely the type to get himself caught in such predicaments.
"See! I really don't want to put up with it in front of my family... and who knows, Mitch Hitch Bitch - whatever - is maybe nice. But for the love of Goddess Sina, I'm playing Russian Roulette and I can't bear the thought that she might be crazier. Or maybe not like I said, but I feel like my odds are stacked against me either way and I'm too scared to risk anything."
"And ... so your ingenious resort, an amulet to this so-called curse, was to ask your coworker to link arms with you!?"
"Look, Miks, I..." He fishes for a convincing answer and he can't find one - instead, he pulls a lie from the Mariana Trenches onto his flimsy boat. "Well... I kinda... told her I was coming... with... you...? So that... she wouldn't call the girl in, you know. I told her we've been together." He sheepishly winces, and Mikasa draws her palm to her eyes once again and sighs.
"Four words, Detective Eren Kruger Yeager - You. Are. An. Idiot."
"I know, I know, I know! I'm sorry I dragged you in!" God he was going to have his face smacked again. "Think of it as a vacation - you know! Aren't you tired? Looking for a time of leisure - away from the hectic schedules and weighing expectations from your boss? Don't you think you deserve a break? A time, a time, a time where you can unwind -"
"You're making it sound we're going on a getaway to Bahamas - and I assume that's not what I'm gonna be getting." She sighs, "Look Yeager, I'd rather - in fact, gladly have my ass tasered, shot, stabbed, amputated, fed to the dogs on the same hour than do this. You're getting too comfortable relying on me sometimes. Yeager, this is literally way beyond our professional relationship and understand that YOU buried your own self into your fucking grave - and in no way shape or form I'm picking up a shovel. I'm not linking arms with you."
"Understandable, sorry." Eren sighs and slowly gets up to resume to his seat.
But a miracle appears and he could hear the trumpets from heaven - he remembers a loophole.
She swore something to him last week.
BINGO.
He plops himself back to the seat.
"That's funny because last week you told me you'll gladly return any favor after I saved your ass from having your head literally nearly blown off by Willy Tybur, Detective Mikasa Azumabito Ackerman. So tell me, are you actually willing to have your ass tasered, shot, stabbed, amputated, fed to the dogs on the same hour than do this?" He raises both of his eyebrows and tilts his head. "There was no such thing as limits on the favours I, Eren Kruger Yeager, will request my fellow friend, Mikasa Azumabito Ackerman - according to our agreement. The word 'anything' without its 'but' calls for a door of infinite options. Also, if it weren't for me, your tiny little cabeza would've been served on a nice silver plate the Tyburs will feast on." He leans in while crosses his arms on her desk. "So, I rest my case, your honour!" He smirks.
Mikasa reaches for her cold cup, grunting while drinking in such vexation. She scowls at Eren who wiggled in his seat while chanting 'I gotchur ass, I gotchur ass..." to spite her. He was painfully right. She'd never make it out of the operation alive if Eren didn't have the guts to tackle the drug lord. Hell, her parents would be scarred for life with their only daughter being gone. She hates this dumb plan, but he was painfully right that she did owe him a favor - a big one, and she can't think of ways to rebuttal. Yeager was as cunningly clever as he was idiotic - and she should've seen it coming that he was excellent at finding cracks. He was also too great at fishing - an asset he had that left perps spilling their guts out. She places the cup between her and her fellow detective, as if it were her white flag.
"You got me there." She closes her eyes. "I should've asked you to sign an Agree on Conditions and Terms sheet, but then again, I didn't know this is the shit that you'd throw at me. But, I owe you one anyways - don't even think of hugging me, I'm mad at you."
Eren felt like a kid in Disneyland, giddily squirming in his seat. "You're an angel, Miks! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"I'm gonna be Satan himself if you're gonna pull shit like this ever again." She rubs her temples and Eren still has his stupid victorious grin. "We'll drop by Captain Smith's office at the end of the day to ask if we can have people fill us in."
"Cool beans! Thank you babe" He beams.
"Ten fucking seconds before I will be the one to blow your head off."
"Awhhh is my baby mad at me?"
"Ten,"
"I know you loooooove me-"
"NINE,"
Eren sprints to his seat without a beat.
----
The Trost skies had already faded into dark but he finds it endearing. It was beautiful especially when the lights enveloped the streets, sparking vivacious night life in the city. Eren bops his head to the radio that plays 'Under Pressure by Queen and Bowie', while his hands gripped the wheel. There was some sort of serenity he feels after a tiring day and his job was no monkey business - and all he could ever think of at the moment was collapsing on to his bed while his pug climbs beside him. He mutters along the song while wiggling in his seat,
It's the terror of knowing what the world is about
Watching some good friends screaming
'Let me out'
Earlier, he and Mikasa were fortunately granted their 'vacation' by their austere Captain. It came to them as a surprise since he was usually tight on such things but Smith remembers their successful drug bust, and his best detectives do deserve a treat. Eren finds it funny that he and Mikasa were playing footsies and pingponging at each other his office, like children asking their parents if they could sleepover, just for them to simply get an 'Okay, cool'. Eren admits that throughout the operation, he was scared and nearly crapping his pants, especially when his best friend was at the mercy of a bullet - but it was all worth it, and they sure have a story to carry on for the rest of their life.
'Pray tomorrow gets me higher, higher,' Eren prepares himself for the high note, hoping his voice wouldn't crack this time, 'HHAAAAAAAAAIIIiiiiiiiiiii-" Then the monitor from his dashboard pops an incoming call from Mama, stopping his music all together, "C'mon!!! Can't you at least let me finish the best part?" He presses the green button, sighing. "Heyyy Ma."
"Hi honey!" She beamed with her usual cheery tone. "How's it going?"
"Just ended my shift today, going home." He hums.
"Ah, I'm glad you're safe! Anyway, I didn't ask Hitch today because you didn't really give a go-"
"Ma, don't tell her to come." He flatly says.
"Honey that's a bit rude."
"Well I think it's rude if I bring her instead of...my girlfriend." Eren feels his cheeks and ears heat up.
"Eren your...WHAT"
"Okay so you see, when a man loves a woman-"
Then there it was, Carla Yeager throwing who, what, where, when, how questions at him but he was in a trance and every question was blurred.
"Why didn't you tell me? I looked like an idiot going around giving your damn business card-"
"You made me a business card!?" Why was he even surprised.
"Bring her to the wedding, we'll love to meet her. Does Zeke know? And you still didn't tell me her name."
"I will, and Zeke doesn't know yet, no one in the family knows, none of my friends know. We're trying to stay low because it'll be awkward at work-"
"YOU WORK TOGETHER!?" Carla gasps, "OH MY GOD, IS IT THAT ACKERMAN GIRL? EREN, THAT'S AMAZING! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FINALLY GOT YOUR HEAD TOGETHER AND ACTUALLY COURTED HER! I'VE ALWAYS LOVED HER!"
His eyes widened, taken aback and confused. "You've WHAT-"
"Oh my godd!! I'm calling Zeke!"
"Ma, I-"
"Honey gotta go, the oven's ready, bye!"
"Ma what-"
'Call ended' The voice from the display announces and Eren's music resumes again. This time, he didn't feel like singing along and his shoulders began tensing up. This was gonna be one hell of a long, long ride.