Chapter Text
Lewis was on a high. The race was won, earning him his most satisfying crown yet as 8 time world champion. The struggle and the hard battles had pushed him right to the edge, making this moment ever sweeter. He felt for Max, understanding the pain of losing out the chance to lose out a first world championship on such fine margins, mind drifting back to 2007. ‘He will go very far. That is for sure.’ Lewis remincised, as he typed out a text to Seb to meet him by the gates.
Seb. His fiancé of 2 years. The one who saved him from his descent into darkness. Nico had broken him, lied to him, but then Seb came crashing into his life, quite literally. Lewis chuckled, thinking back to their little tryst in Baku.
The paddock was empty, the long season meant staff were more than eager to leave to finally be reunited with their loved ones. Lewis sighed as he felt the exhaustion settle in. ‘Why am I feeling so uneasy?’ he murmured to himself, feeling an uncomfortable sensation of anxiety.
He turned the corner, planning to take the elusive short cut past the Ferrari motorhomes to the gate; when he spotted something out of the corner of his eye.
Two men, kissing rather passionately against the motorhome wall. Lewis automatically wanted to duck his head down, not wanting to disturb the intimate embrace. But his eyes were fixed. The light in that moment had just shone past the motorhomes to illuminate the two lovers. As Lewis recognised the figures, his heart sank. His mind blanked. And there he was, frozen at the sight that broke him at his core.
Charles Leclerc was kissing his fiancé. Seb had Charles pressed up against the wall, kissing him with abandon. At that moment, Charles’ eyes opened, making direct eye contact with Lewis.
Lewis heard it. The soft swearing of fuck, as Charles shoved Seb away quickly. ‘That’s Seb. Seb was kissing Charles.’ Lewis thought, the revelation finally settling in.
He heard Seb making his way towards him, and he did the only thing his body would allow him. He ran. Away from yet another betrayal, away from the man who promised the world, the one who played with his already scarred heart.
He doesn’t remember how he got back, his body on autopilot. He recognised people trying to congratulate him, but could only see the vision of Seb and Charles together. His eyes were glazed over as if he is stuck in the past, mind unable to keep up with the events.
Lewis opened his door and promptly shut it, collapsing to the floor. Finally giving into his feelings of anguish, heart wrenching cries tumbled out his mouth with his tears free falling. He clutched at the ground for some support, as yet again his mental support has been ripped from beneath him.
He was crying. All he could do was cry. ‘Once again I am not enough.’ Lewis thought solemnly, mind trying to make sense of why this has happened again.
Lewis, so lost in his head, didn’t hear the door open. The sound of footsteps getting closer, caused his body to curl further into itself, an attempt to protect its fragile self once again.
“Lewis. Please, Lew look at me. Let me explain.” Seb begged. He was on his knees next to Lewis, trying to reach for him. But Lewis instinctually flinched away. Lewis wanted him to disappear, but his mind was screaming why? Anger suddenly rose to the surface, overtaking Lewis' vision.
“WHY?!” Lewis screamed rising up to face Seb, causing Seb to stumble back in surprise. Their gazes caught, and all Seb could see in those normally loving warm eyes was blazing anger bordered with sadness.
“Tell me why Seb. Try to get me to understand. Please tell me that you didn’t cheat. That you didn’t just play with me? That these last 4 years weren’t just a joke, that I wasn’t a little trophy to add to your conquests?” Lewis sneered, now stalking towards Seb, fists balled at his side.
“I… I…” Seb stuttered.
“I what? Seb, you fucking told me. That I was your world. That the last thing you would ever do was cheat on me. You knew! You fucking knew what I had been through. And I had trusted you, trusted you to not repeat what Nico did to me.” Lewis said. His voice began to lose its anger and gave way to the true agony that laid beneath.
Lewis fell suddenly, his body no longer able to support itself against the overwhelming mental pain. Seb tried to catch him but Lewis pushed him away. One question ran around Lewis' head.
'I need to know. I can't bear to wait any longer. I need to know' Lewis concluded, his heart no longer strong enough to continue playing this charade.
“Do you still love me?" he asked, voice so soft almost as if Lewis was afraid to even ask the question.
“I..I..” Sebastian couldn’t say it.
The final blow to his cracked heart had been delivered. Lewis knew. He simply sat there, head bowed, eyes looking downwards. ‘He doesn’t love me anymore.’ Lewis knew he had to accept this reality, but his heart was lurching, as if trying to escape this hell.
Seb stood there stunned, mouth unable to form words. ‘Why can’t I say the words? I love him, I love him with all my heart. Why am I such a coward?’
“I love you! I love you so much Lewis. You know I do. Please forgive me. Please. It was the heat of the moment. I don’t love Charles, never did.” Seb finally shouted. But it was too late. Lewis had accepted that yet again the one he loved doesn’t love him back. Seb’s belated words of love had fallen on deaf ears.
Lewis whispered bitterly, “Why? Was I not enough? Or was I just simply a convenient fuck for you?” He had a look of a man utterly defeated, downtrodden as yet again his world was shred to pieces.
“You are enough. You are everything I could want and more liebe. Please don’t let the demons tell you that. I made the mistake, I gave into the immediate pleasure, but there is no one that makes me feel like you do.” Seb cried hard, clutching Lewis' shoulders, trying to get Lewis to look at him. Seb knew the demons were back, and this time it was he that destroyed Lewis’ fragile sanctuary.
“Please listen to me, please Lewis! You are enough! It was my fault, nothing to do with you.” Seb urged. Trying to force through the words into Lewis’ closed off mind. He was holding him tight, Lewis’ body unmoving, and Seb’s heart dropped. ‘I destroyed him. I’ve hurt the one person who ever loved me so wholly. I’m sorry liebe, please, let me show you how wrong I was.’
An eight world champion was on his knees. Tears streaming down his face, eyes pleading. Seb couldn't help but feel his heart seize up in guilt.
Seb felt himself shaken off the embrace. “Don’t touch me.” said Lewis, voice threaded with exhaustion.
“You have made the mistake, and I won’t forgive you. I told you. I will not let myself be a fool again.” he said, eyes still refusing to look at Seb, afraid that his eyes would give away his longing to be back in his lover’s arms.
“Lewis please..” said Seb as he reached out to Lewis. Lewis quickly moved away.
“Get out, please just get out.” he whispered in a forceful tone, leaving no room for argument. Seb sighed, but obeyed Lewis' command. He left the room softly, leaving Lewis alone once again.
Lewis remained slumped on the floor, his body present yet mind faraway. Taunting him, his mind repeated the same line. 'Seb doesn't love you anymore.' With some effort, his eyes shifted to focus on his engagement ring. The ring he thought would finally heal his long battered heart and give him his happy ending. ‘Well I guess I asked too much of the world this time.’ Lewis bitterly murmured, glaring at the ring that served to remind him of what he just lost.