Chapter Text
Jane Austen Never Said Anything About Speed Dating
Chapter 1: Even the Bennett’s Weren’t This Bad
/ / /
Jason honestly has no one to blame for this mess but himself.
When Dick said he wanted to try the new restaurant at one of Gotham’s more exclusive hotels he should have known something was up.
But they hadn’t hung out in a while outside of family stuff and as annoying as Dick could be, Jason misses spending time with his brother.
Since starting his graduate program last fall Jason’s life has mostly consisted of reading, studying, more reading and working. He still goes to family brunch every week but it wasn’t the same and Dick has been bugging him for a while to go to a movie or dinner or something.
So when Dick asked about dinner this week, Jason actually had a night off and so, like an Idiot he said yes.
When they get to the hotel there’s about 50 or so people milling about and Jason hopes Dick made a reservation, otherwise they might not eat until midnight, unless they wanted to use their name to get them to the top of the list, and while Jason had the night off he did have an early shift tomorrow at work.
But then Jason spotted a room full of tables, each with two chairs facing each other, candles in the middle and got a sinking feeling in his stomach.
Looking around some more, Jason notices that most of the people milling about have Name Tags on and he turns to look at Dick, who has his most innocent smile on.
“You did Not sign me up for speed dating.”
“Technically, Tim signed you up for speed dating. I just got you here.”
Un-fucking-believable.
Jason groans and runs a hand through his hair. “I swear to god Dick if we don’t go into the restaurant right now I’m going to kill you.”
“Come on Littlewing. It won’t be that bad! And besides, you might meet the love of your life tonight! Isn’t that exciting?”
Jason gives Dick a Are you kidding me? Look.
“It’s been two years Littlewing. You gotta move on sometime.”
Jesus fucking christ.
“Just because I haven’t dated anyone recently doesn’t mean I haven’t moved on. Maybe if you had finished college, you’d understand that taking 20 credits and doing an internship and working, While writing a thesis doesn’t leave anyone much time to date.”
“Tim dates.”
“Tim doesn’t sleep. And for all any of us know, he’s made this Bernard kid up to get you off his back.”
Dick looks at him then.
“Wait. Who’s Bernard?”
Bingo.
“I’ll tell you on the drive back to my place if we leave right now.”
Dick wavers for a moment, and Jason almost thinks he’ll take the bait.
“Tonight’s about you Littlewing, not Timmy.”
Fuck.
“Besides, I wouldn’t have to do this if you actually went on any of the dates I’ve tried to set you up on.”
Jason rolls his eyes, giving Dick an unimpressed look.
“Yeah because the last date I went on that you set up went So well.”
It had gone well, right up until the point Ryan realized he wouldn’t get any of Jason’s trust fund.
Jason tried not to compare the whole debacle to period dramas, he really tried. But it was hard not too when his life literally revolved around 18th century literature.
“It’s hardly my fault Ryan turned out to be a, what did you call him again? A Rake ? Besides I’ve thoroughly vetted everyone else I’ve tried to set you up with so I’m sure that won’t happen again.”
Jason pinches the bridge of his nose.
“I don’t care how thoroughly you vet the barista or the florist or the damn dog walker—what I want is for you to stop interfering with my life. I know it’s not exciting like your’s but I Like working at the bookstore and working on my Masters degree and generally not having to deal with drama that comes from fighting the fucking Riddler every other week. I—”
“It’s been two years, Littlewing, it’s time to get back out there.”
With that Dick hands him some cards, a pen and sticks a name tag to his jacket, before heading out the doors.
Jason, who hadn’t even noticed Dick moving them towards the ballroom, is stunned by his abrupt exit.
“We get a lot of this sweetie.”
Jason turns away from his retreating brother to look down at an older woman sitting in a chair behind a table full of cards, pens and name tags
“A lot of what?”
She smiles. “People bringing their siblings, friends—children even—without telling them first.”
Jason’s not surprised by that.
He can’t see the appeal of speed dating but he understands why some people like it. It’s honestly a good way to network if nothing else. Or if you’re simply too busy to go out and meet people this creates the perfect opportunity to do so.
Jason’s too busy to, but that doesn’t mean he wants to spend three hours meeting 20 people he probably has nothing in common with.
“I promise it’s not all that bad. You do meet some interesting people. And you can have a few drinks too if you like. Two are included in tonight's event.”
Jason can’t decide if this woman is just trying to sell the event and keep him from walking out, or if she’s telling him it’ll be easier to get through it while drunk.
Dick will never leave him alone if he at least doesn’t stay. And he could honestly use a drink or two. There are worse ways to spend the evening.
He could be fighting Two Face, for instance.
Jason nods his head at the woman, takes his things, and heads to the bar.
/ / /
It’s only been an hour and Jason’s already on his fourth drink.
So far he’s met lawyers, bankers, a few artists and writers that he’s never heard of and a plastic surgeon who offered to give him a nose job for free if Jason came home with him.
Jason told him that he likes his broken nose.
The only good thing to come out of tonight is he’s been lucky enough to stay at his table rather than move around the room every 10 minutes.
Jason’s listening to another banker talk about how much money he made last year, probably trying to impress him.
Jason may have a trust fund but at least he gives it to charities and doesn’t spend it on a new, bigger boat every year.
Sometimes being the reclusive Wayne heir has its drawbacks.
But so far only two people have recognized him and rather than ask for his number they gave him business cards to pass along to his father.
Speed dating or not Jason thinks that’s rather tacky.
So half way through the night the buzzer rings indicating it’s time to move on.
Jason finishes his drink as the banker gets up and signals the waiter for another.
“Are the drinks helping make tonight go faster, or are they so you can forget this whole awful night by morning?”
Jason’s next partner takes a seat and it’s as if Jason’s heart stops.
Because Roy Harper is sitting across from him.
The last time Jason saw Roy had been nearly ten years ago.
He had been 15 and a mess, still recovering from the near death beating the Joker had given him.
Roy was visiting Dick at the Manor. Staying really. Oliver had just kicked him out. Both of them had spent a good deal of time with Jason then, helping him with his rehab or watching movies.
He remembers Roy reading to him on occasion.
“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will.”
Roy stayed about three months and by the end of it Jason had a huge crush on the redhead.
He’d played it off as best he could of course, but there had been one day he’d been in the training room, doing physical therapy while Dick and Roy sparred.
He’d walked into a wall somehow, giving himself a black eye.
Dick still hasn’t let him forget that one.
Today Roy has his hair pulled back into a loose but neat bun. He’s unfortunately wearing a blazer which covers the amazing arms Jason remembers him having, over a t-shirt of a band that Jason doesn’t recognize.
Fuck.
“Both.”
Roy laughs a bit and smiles. “Wish I could join you.”
As Roy takes the seat across from him, it’s clear that he doesn’t recognize him. So either Jason can pretend to not know Roy, and hope he never figures it out. Or Jason can finally say he went on a date with Roy Harper.
The waiter arrives with Jason’s whiskey and he immediately tells him to send it back.
Both the waiter and Roy give him a funny look.
As the waiter leaves, Roy turns to look at him. “Why did you do that?”
Because I know you’ve been to rehab twice.
“I—uh—well I kinda figured you were—”
He hasn’t been this tongue tied since the last time he saw Roy.
Fuckity fuck.
“An alcoholic? Good deduction. But you didn’t have to send it away.”
“I know—I mean it’s okay—I really don’t mind, Roy. It's fine.”
Fuckity fuck fuck fuck
Roy’s not wearing his name tag anymore.
“How did you…” Roy’s eyes drift down to Jason’s name tag.
They only put first names and last initials on the tags. Then if you meet someone you’d like to talk with more you write it down and the service will pass along the information to the correct people after the event.
Either Roy’s had fallen off or he took it off.
Jason’s is still in place though.
Jason T.
Roy’s eyes grow wide and he smiles looking back up at him. “Jason?”
He starts looking Jason up and down like he can’t quite believe he’s looking at his best friend’s kid brother.
Jason has to fight the urge not to fidget while his brain screams Roy Harper is checking me out!
Jesus fucking Christ.
Roy meets Jason’s eyes again, his smile going wider.
“Dude. It’s so good to see you. I didn’t even recognize you.”
Jason knows there’s no reason why Roy would recognize him but it still stings a little.
“Yeah well, it’s been like ten years and I’m not 15 anymore so that’s not surprising.”
He can see Roy doing the math in his head. It’s cute.
Stop it.
“Fair. Last time I saw you you weren’t so…” He gestures to Jason vaguely.
Jason’s taller and broader than the last time Roy saw him. Just because he hung up his cape and pixie boots doesn’t mean he doesn’t work out.
Another reason you don’t have time to date.
Roy finally seems to give up on whatever he was going to say and shakes his head.
Jason takes the opportunity to steer the conversation away from him.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were in Star City.”
Roy seems relieved by the change in topic.
“I was, until like, three months ago. Moved out here to do some government work. Plus I needed to get away from my family for a bit.”
Jason chuckles and rolls his eyes. “I’d move out of Gotham if I could but I’m pretty sure Alfred would kill me.”
Alfred may not dress up and fight crime every night but he’s the only member of the family Jason does not ever want to get on the bad side of.
Roys chuckles at that, “I remember being quite scared of him whenever I’d visit Dick.”
Jason continues to ignore the skip in his heart every time the redhead laughs.
You don’t have time to date.
“Dick never mentioned you were in town.”
“That’s not surprising. Been here three months and since I’m not suiting up we haven’t even seen each other. I work during the day and he basically works at night. Friends or not, it's hard to meet up sometimes.”
Jason nods his head. The only friends he has these days are his co-workers from the store and they mostly just drink and complain about customers.
“So you’d rather go to speed dating than try and meet up with my brother?”
Roy laughs and shakes his head before running a hand through his hair, undoing the bun.
It’s still as long as Jason remembers and looks just as soft.
Fuck.
“My family’s been hounding me to start dating again. Ollie threatened to put a personal ad for me in the Gotham Globe. Apparently being single for six years is long enough—even if you’re a single dad that whole time.”
Single dad. Now who doesn’t have the time to date?
“I remember Dick telling me you had a kid. A daughter, right?”
Roy nods and gets out his phone, showing Jason his lock screen.
“Yep. That’s Lian. She’s almost seven now. I wanted to move before she started school.”
The picture is of her and Roy. They’re both covered in pink frosting and sprinkles.
“This picture’s from last year. We tried to make cupcakes for her birthday and it got a little messy.” Roy says it with a fond smile and Jason has no doubt that he loves his daughter very much. “This year we actually got most of the frosting and sprinkles on the cupcakes. But I like this picture better.”
“She’s cute.”
It feels like a stupid thing to say but he’s not sure what else to say.
Roy puts his phone away and looks back at Jason. “So what are you doing here? Family think you’ve been single long enough too?”
Jason shrugs. “My last relationship didn’t end well and they think it’s time I moved on.”
“Do you want to move on?”
“Oh I’ve moved on. Fuck that dude. But because my life consists of working at a bookstore and going to school and generally being too busy to date they’ve decided I haven’t and need to fix it.”
Roy laughs and nods his head. He doesn’t ask for an explanation though which Jason is thankful for. Somehow talking about your ex in detail seems like a bad idea for a first date.
Not a date, Jason reminds himself.
“That sounds like a very nice, stable life you’ve built for yourself. What are you studying?”
That’s when the buzzer goes off of course and it’s time for Roy to go to his next table.
Roy looks back as he walks away though, like he wants to say something but then one of the attendants nudges him along and whatever he might have said Jason doesn’t get to know.
Jason sits through meeting two more lawyers, another doctor and a fashion photographer who offers to shoot some very tasteful photographs of him before Roy appears again.
Jason raises an eyebrow while his next ‘date’ looks irritated that Roy’s standing in his way.
“Do you want to get out of here? I have an… idea I’d like to run by you.”
Jason doesn’t care what Roy wants to talk about, so long as he doesn’t have to sit through another 10 minutes of hell.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Jason grabs his coat and tosses down some money for the extra drinks he’s ordered and follows Roy out of the hotel.
They stand there awkwardly for a minute before Jason finally breaks the silence.
“So do you actually have some idea you wanted to talk about or--”
“I think we should pretend to date.”
What?
“Each other, I mean. We should pretend to date each other.”
“What? Why on earth would we do that?”
“My family thinks I need to be dating and I don’t want to date anyone—right now at least. Your family thinks you need to move on but you said did, you just don’t have time to date. So... let’s pretend to date.”
Jason just stares at Roy.
“If I don’t have the time to date how can we get away with pretending to date?”
“We’ll say we’re taking things slow. That I don’t want to throw another change at Lian after a big move. We can just like, meet for coffee and call those ‘dates’. Or you can show me around the city or something. My schedule’s flexible—I work from home—so I’m sure we can meet for coffee or go to a museum or something around your schedule.
“I just… I just want to be a dad right now. Lian’s not going to be a kid forever and I don’t want to miss anything.”
Roy looks down at his feet when he says that. Like he’s worried Jason will judge him for wanting to be a father.
“And if something changes and you want to date someone then we’ll ‘break up’ and I’ll pretend you broke my heart and my family won’t pester me again for another six years. Lian will basically be a teenager by then and won’t want anything to do with me. So I’ll have time to date then—”
Roy’s rambling now, and so Jason can think is:
No ones going to believe I broke your heart.
Roy keeps talking though, about how they could make this work, how they could keep their families off their backs and be able to do what they want. They’ll just have to get together a few times a month.
Which seems doable. Especially if they just meet for coffee. And they can work out more details as they go.
Jason’s sure he won’t meet anyone he wants to date, and as much as he doesn’t like lying to his family, not having them hounding him to date would be nice.
Roy’s stopped talking so Jason takes that as his cue to answer.
“And if you want to date someone I’ll just watch period dramas when you break up with me.”
Roy laughs a little, like he thinks Jason’s joking.
“Wait. Is that what you do when someone breaks up with you?”
“That lake scene in Pride & Prejudice got me through my fiancé leaving me because Bruce wanted him to sign a prenup. I think they’ll believe you broke my heart if I start watching it again.”
“So I guess we’re doing this?”
“I guess we are.”
They exchange numbers and promise to talk more on their first ‘date’. Texting about it is out because they both know how nosy Dick can be.
Finally they head their separate ways and on the cab ride back to his place Jason ignores the voice in his head that sounds like Dick.
You might meet the love of your life tonight!
His brother’s best friend and teenage crush—who he still has a bit of a crush on apparently—isn’t going to fall in love with him while they fake date just to get their families off their backs.
This is Gotham, not a rom com.