Chapter Text
Alphabet Soup Club
Binder Dumbass 1: oh no theyre hot
Lesbehonest: oh no theyre hot
Bibibi: oh no theyre hot
Jakey D: oh no theyre hot
Gotta Gay: oh no theyre hot
Bichel: oh no theyre hot
Uniqueen: oh no theyre hot
Enby God: uh???
Marls: OH NO THEYRE HOT
Enby God: ??????????????
Gay King: naive parker
Under The Sea: so naive
Binder Dumbass 2: the only sane ones in this chat
Enby God: WHATS GOING ON?
Under The Sea: tears, literal tears of laughter and joy and second hand embarrassment
Enby God: sebastian you're NOT FUNNY
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New Directions
Finn: all the gays in the chat thirsting
Parker: the fuck is gg on
Tina: oh no theyre hot
Mercedes: oh no theyre hot
Joe: oh no theyre hot
Mike: oh no theyre hot
Sugar: oh no theyre hot
Lauren: oh no theyre hot
Puck: i aint saying that
Finn: except puck because puck is puck
Puck: are YOU thirsting?
Finn: no because that would be weird why would i thirst
Parker: ????????
Parker: what the fuck is everyone going on about
Parker: here and the lgbt chat
Parker: WHAT is going on
Brittany: yall didnt realize parker was hot already? i was the first? damn
Parker: wait
Parker: WHATSSODVAKAOJQOAJSJSISISJ
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finnegan @quarterboy
lol watching my best friend @theparkinglot have a full on gay meltdown because everyone finds them H O T
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finnegan @quarterboy
not me though cause thats my sibling
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finnegan @quarterboy
and sebastian, kurt, blaine and puck but puck is just puck so
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Peter Parker @theparkinglot
@quarterboy dishonor. dishonor on you. dishonour on your family. dishonor on your cow
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finnegan @quarterboy
@theparkinglot you throw dishonor on your own family? shame.
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Queen T @tinacohenc
@theparkinglot @quarterboy i love that you mix the american and british spelling of dishonor
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Peter Parker @theparkinglot
@tinacohenc and you dont? weak
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Alphabet Soup Club
Binder Dumbass 2: uh oh
Lesbehonest: oh no
Lesbehonest: i KNOW that uh oh
Binder Dumbass 2: I FORGOR TO TAKE OFF MY BINDER
Lesbehonest: I FUCKING KNEW IT
Satana: petition to have blaine and sam have alarm clock reminders to take off their binders daily say aye
Marls: aye
Uniqueen: aye
Jakey D: aye
Gay King: aye
Under The Sea: aye
Enby God: the fuck is my phone ringing I AM ON A STAKEOUT YOU BITCHES
Gay King: SWITCH THIS CHAT OFF
Enby God: I DONT BECAUSE I THRIVE OFF OF DRAMA
Binder Dumbass 2: IM HURT?
Under The Sea: lol jeff says you fell out of a tree
Under The Sea: LOLLLLL
Enby God: you shut your face sebastian you asked me to stake out this warbler bitch ok
Enby God: im sad now this has been a total disaster
Under The Sea: you’re literally dancing while fighting and texting
Gay King: wtf send
Under The Sea: [parkerdancefighttexting.vid]
Satana: tag urself im the flying crocs
Jakey D: im the dude falling flat on his face after parker trips him
Binder Dumbass 2: im jeff who’s cheering in the background with pom poms
Gay King: im the dude who dropped their coffee on the ground
Uniqueen: im the security guard with the surprised pikachu face
Under The Sea: im the phone parker keeps dropping as she reads these messages
Marls: PARKER BE CAREFUL
Enby God: yes i am careful
Lesbehonest: im the tree parker faceplanted out of
Enby God: i have horrible friends
Marls: :(
Enby God: not you though
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New Directions
Tina: parker show me how to fight
Parker: ?????????
Parker: why do you want to know
Tina: i want to punch transphobes in the face
Parker: but why would you do that when i can do it for your
Tina: its more satisfying if i do it myself
Parker: ok i can teach you a few self defense tricks
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Kurt @falsettoking
There is nothing more satisfying than watching @tinacohenc punch Azimio Adams in the face
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Peter Parker @theparkinglot
@tinacohenc @falsettoking *wipes tear from eyes* my babies… they grow up so fast…
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Queencedes @misscedesjones
@tinacohenc @falsettoking @theparkinglot another one is corrupted and you encouraged it
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Queen T @tinacohenc
@misscedesjones @theparkinglot @falsettoking bold of you to assume i was never corrupted in the first place
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BADASS @azzyadams
@misscedesjones @theparkinglot @falsettoking @tinacohenc bunch of pussies defending fags and trannies
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Peter Parker @theparkinglot
@tinacohenc @azzyadams you might wanna leave this one to me this time. I’ll handle it.
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New Directions
Tina: LOL
Artie: LOL
Mercedes: LOL
Finn: whats going on
Mercedes: tina got detention for punching azimio
Mercedes: he called blaine something transphobic
Mercedes: but he continued saying slurs so parker
Parker: I broke his right hand. :)
Parker: and got a weeks suspension but totally worth it
Artie: yea you could have gotten more if you didnt blackmail azimio lmfao
Parker: :)
Quinn: good job, had to comfort sam because he was also being an asshole to him earlier
Parker: does this mean i can break his other hand?
Quinn: no
Parker: AW.
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Rachel Berry @rachelberryofficial
For the most part, we do not actually condone violence.
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hockey puck @puckypuck
@rachelberryofficial what you actually mean to say is that you pretend you dont know all this shit is happening
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Rachel Berry @rachelberryofficial
@puckypuck I said for the most part.
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Queencedes @misscedesjones
@rachelberryofficial @puckypuck she doesnt deny it
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Rachel Berry @rachelberryofficial
@misscedesjones @puckypuck I have plausible deniability. I plead the fifth.
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Satantana @thebetterdevil
@rachelberryofficial @puckypuck @misscedesjones SHE CANT DO THAT ONLY MARLEY CAN PLEAD THE FIFTH
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Sadbastian @smythedbyagod
@rachelberryofficial @puckypuck @misscedesjones @thebetterdevil no thats just a testament of how many people thirst over parker lol
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hockey puck @puckypuck
@smythedbyagod @rachelberryofficial @thebetterdevil @misscedesjones ew i dont
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Satantana @thebetterdevil
@smythedbyagod @rachelberryofficial @misscedesjones @puckypuck pucks jealous parker hauls in twice as many girls as he does lmfao
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Peter Parker @theparkinglot
STOP THIRSTING OVER ME YOU THIRSTY HOES
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Blainers @nightbird
thirst doesnt look like a word anymore
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Rarley Mose @thewallflower
@thebetterdevil @rachelberryofficial @smythedbyagod [Image of their conversation about pleading the fifth earlier] explain????
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Satantana @thebetterdevil
@thewallflower gotta gay-go, gotta go!