Chapter Text
Zeke couldn’t wait to go home. He got his grades and they are perfect. He topped every subject much to the envy of his classmates. He doesn’t care what anyone says, he wants to go home and show his grades to his father. He is going to be pleased when he sees how smart his son is. His father loves him but he’ll love him even more when he sees how talented he is.
He entered the living room expecting his father to have his evening tea but the room was empty. Unperturbed the seven-year-old went to the kitchen and when the kitchen was empty, he decided that his father must be in his study. The door of his father’s study was opened ajar. When Zeke raised his fist to knock, he heard voices coming from the room.
“.... Is that alright with you Grisha?”
It was Mr. Shadis. He peeped inside the room through the crack. Usually, he doesn’t care what they talk about but Mr. Shadis’ tone disturbed him. He sounded very desperate.
He could see a blond man standing next to Mr. Shadis. Both of them looked very desperate. Grisha had his back turned towards the door. Zeke couldn’t help but wonder what are they talking about. His hand held his report card tightly. His neck tingled uneasily.
“I am really glad to help the Survey Corps, Keith”
Zeke froze. What did he mean by that? He said that he won’t put himself at risk.... he promised.... Maybe, Zeke is just misreading the whole situation.
“The Survey Corps welcomes you, Grisha Yeager”, the blond man muttered, “We hope you put your talents to good use”
He watched as his father shook hands with the blond man and Mr. Shadis. As his father turned, Zeke saw him sprouting a happy smile. Pain shot through him when he realized how happy he is to join them. Tears prickled his eyes and he closed them.
“What about your son, Grisha? You can’t leave him alone, right?”, Mr. Shadis asked him
“I can send him to Carla’s place”
He bolted upstairs. Tears streamed down his face as he heard those words. He locked the door and sat on his bed. He drew his knees and laid his head on them. He choked; he doesn’t want to cry but he couldn’t help it.
It’s just like how it used to be in Liberio. His father found a loving woman and a perfect group. He joined the Survey Corps. He must have told them about his Titan powers that’s why they are so desperate to recruit him. What about Zeke? He doesn’t care about him. In the end, it’s all about restoring Eldia for him.
Zeke does like Carla but that doesn’t mean he trusts her. There is no guarantee what she’ll do after she marries his father. He mentally slapped himself; who is he kidding? His father never cared about him in the first place. What more damage can Carla cause?
His father just replaced his mother and all of his old friends. He wouldn’t have any trouble replacing Zeke too. The only thing stopping him must be his royal blood. He can’t replace royal blood.
It's only a matter of time before they ask him to be the Founding Titan’s vessel. He has no choice but to agree. Without his blood, he is useless and replaceable. The worst part is that there is that he has no one here. His grandmother and Mr. Ksaver are the only people who cared about him. They aren’t here. They won’t ever be here.
Here he is just a burden who hinders his father’s missions. He is just someone who should be sent away. He is just someone whose only utility is his blood.
Carla wouldn’t care if his father doesn’t. She’ll probably be irritated to babysit him. He’ll be a burden for her too. His father lied to him. He lied to him...
Grisha doesn’t care.
So many memories and thoughts haunted him. He slowly cried himself to sleep. He completely forgot about the report card he left downstairs.
Zeke woke up when he heard the door being knocked. He jumped up and rubbed his eyes. He heard his father calling his name as he continued knocking. He got off the bed immediately and opened the door.
He flinched when he saw his father standing outside. Is he going to yell at him like he used to do...? He sneaked a quick glance at his face and to his relief the man was smiling. He seems to be in a good mood, that means Zeke won’t be shouted at.
He flinched when his father lifted his chin abruptly. He looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. His smile vanished completely as his eyes narrowed. He bored his gaze into his face.
“I-I am sorry!”, Zeke squealed in fear. He is going to yell at him. He sealed his eyes shut. He disappointed him! Zeke didn’t want to see the rage Grisha’s eyes held. He doesn’t want to be hurt anymore.
“You look ill, Zeke. Are you okay?”
He opened his eyes reluctantly. His father was looking at him with worry. He did not look angry or disappointed. In fact, he looked very worried. Zeke shook his head internally. It’s just an act. He doesn’t care in the end.
“Zeke”, Grisha shook him gently, “I am going to check you, okay? I am just going to see whether you are sick or not”
He couldn’t take it anymore. He would rather have his father rant and rave about filthy Marleyans than to hear his sickening lies. He stomach clenched as he saw his father looking at him softly. He is sick of those worried eyes, those gentle gestures and affectionate hugs. They all look so real but he knows better. They are all fake. It’s a trap meant to ensnare him and exploit him. He shook his head in dismay. He would rather take a beating than to be taunted and tricked like that.
Zeke gritted his teeth with determination. In a moment of bravery or rather foolishness, he pushed his father with all of his might. As Grisha stumbled back his arm knocked over the porcelain vase. It fell and shattered into pieces. A horrible silence ensued.
Zeke’s eyes widened and his breath hitched. That was an expensive vase and his father loved it. Grisha stared back at him with eyes just as wide as his. Zeke stood frozen as he watched his father carefully. When he saw his Grisha’s hand reaching out to him, he bolted.
He ran downstairs ignoring his father’s cries. He opened the door and ran outside. He did not stop running until he nearly collapsed. He stood there huffing and panting. He looked back to make sure that his father didn’t follow him.
He realized that he is standing outside a park. He saw the children playing happily. Their squeals of happiness irritated him. Mothers stood in groups as they gossiped. A couple of old men were sitting on a bench.
His legs ached a lot so, he sat on one of those benches. He sighed tiredly; a beating must await him at home for sure. His father has heavy hands and the blows will hurt a lot. There is no one to help him here either. He might as well as apologize and face the music. He should go back. If he stalls any longer then the punishment will be even more severe.......
But it has been months since he took a beating. Kruger’s torture aside, he used to get a lot of beatings at Liberio. The Marleyan Instructors were very strict. Whenever he lags behind, they would cuff him and would even slap him. He must admit that Instructor Magath was the most lenient of them. He would rarely hit him and would mostly make him clean the toilets.
He doesn’t know what to expect. His father never hit him before so maybe, he’ll just slap him once or twice. He would get a big lecture though which will be followed by Eldian lessons. His father said that he won’t force him to learn those lessons but he went back on all of his promises, didn’t he? There is no guarantee that he won’t go back on this one too.
He misses Mr. Ksaver.
Suddenly, Zeke heard a girl wailing. She fell down and knee was scrapped. Her mother, who was talking with other women, immediately rushed over her daughter and picked her up. He watched with envy as the woman wiped her daughter’s tears and tied a kerchief around the wound.
He saw a grandmother holding her grandson’s hand as they walked out of the park. He wants his grandmother. His eyes watered and he clenched his fists. He doesn’t have anyone like that now.
But......
His dad looks at him that too. He is concerned about him. Even though it’s all for his blood, he is kind to him... right? He wasn’t as bad as he was...
Nobody spared him two glances. The rest of the world wouldn’t care if he drops down dead. His father is the only person who would care. Yes, he must help him with his missions but if he obeys him and does everything he asks him to do then... he will continue to love him right? He will never shout at him.
It's not normal for a parent to use their child. He doesn’t want to fight but it’s better than living without love....
“Zeke”
It was Carla. She was wearing a colorful Dirndl. Her hair was in a loose ponytail and she was wearing make-up. It seems like she was on her way to work. She was looking at him worriedly.
She can stop with her act, he thought bitterly, it’s not like father would mind anyways. He turned away. He doesn’t want to look at her. She sat next to him.
“Do you want some?”, she offered him a cookie, “I baked-”
“You don’t have to do this”, Zeke snapped, “My dad doesn’t care about how you treat me. You don’t have to be nice”
Carla furrowed her eyebrows, “First of all, your dad does care. Second of all, I do this because I care about you”
“But you have got no reason to!”, he exploded, “I am not even your child! There is no reason for you to care about someone like me”
“Do I even need a reason to care about you? You are a child! You deserve all the love and care in this world. What do you mean by someone like you? What is wrong with you? Nothing! You are perfect the way you are!”, Carla exclaimed, “Did you have a fight with your dad? Did you get a bad grade? You can tell me anything. I’ll help you”
“Y-you don’t understand”, his lips wobbled
“I will try my best. Tell me, Zeke”, Carla rubbed his back, “The moment I decided to be with your father, I accepted you wholeheartedly. You are a part of my family. I will always love you and care for you”
His eyes blurred with tears. Her words sound too good to be true. Everybody loved him were all gone. He is all alone and he will always be alone.
“Zeke, you are never alone”
That was the straw that broke the Camel’s back. All of his feelings, concerns and fears came out bursting. He couldn’t hold himself back anymore.
“My dad is going to join the Survey Corps!”, Zeke wailed, “He is going to leave me!”
“HE WHAT?!”
Grisha was not having a good day. For starters, two of his patients passed away that morning. They were his regular patients too. A part of him was relieved because they were bed-ridden and were in pain. But it still hurt him to see them off.
Then Keith and his comrades ran into him. They requested him to treat their wounded soldiers. Their recent expedition was devastating. They ran into three Abnormals simultaneously. He spent the entire afternoon looking after those soldiers. He had to amputate two soldiers. How he wished he could share his regeneration abilities with others.
Keith and his friend, Marvin, visited him in the evening. They talked in his study. The Scouts offered him a position in their clinic. It’s just a part-time job. The Scouts will inform him about any upcoming expeditions and would give him their expected date of return. His job is to treat the wounded soldiers when they come back.
He is more than happy to accept it. The Survey Corps are brave people who fight for their freedom. They deserve the best medical care. Grisha wants to fight with them but he has Zeke and he won’t ever risk their lives. Yes, he is a Titan who can kill at least thirty-times more than an average Scout but he has a son. His miracle child is his priority.
His child whom he almost lost because of his foolishness. He won’t trade him for the world.
Besides, his mission is to retrieve Founding Titan and he won’t expose himself in any way before that. He can only help the Scouts as a doctor. Nothing more, nothing less.
If he has to stay overnight to treat the wounded, he can leave Zeke at Carla’s. He doesn’t want his son to see the tragic conditions of the Scouts.
Keith and Marvin left. When Grisha returned to his study, he saw a crumpled piece of paper near the door. It was Zeke’s report card. His paternal pride swelled as he read it. Zeke is a model student. He performed well academically and he is in top of the class. He is a very well-behaved child. He is polite and respectful to the teachers. The only thing that concerned his teachers were his lack of social skills but Grisha doesn’t care. He has a wonderful son!
He immediately went out to buy him pastries and donuts. He roasted the chicken before preparing a fruit salad. He cooked an omelet too. Carla had once forced him to redo it until he perfected it. If he goes to Sina, he’ll buy him those Macaroons too. Once he is done, he went upstairs to show him the surprise.
That ended up in disaster too. Grisha doesn’t know what he did but his own son flinched at the sight of him as though Grisha is the Devil himself. He was perfectly fine that morning. What happened? His son’s eyes were red and swollen. Was he being bullied? Did a teacher hit him? Is he sick?
He decided to check him. Zeke, for some reason, pushed him away when he told that he is going to examine him. Grisha lost his balance and broke the porcelain vase by accident. He must admit that it hurt to see the vase go but he didn’t mull over it. Something isn’t right with Zeke. The boy stared at him with fearful eyes and when he reached out to ruffle his hair, he bolted.
Grisha couldn’t comprehend it for a moment. When he realized what happened, he ran after him as fast as possible. Maria, he kept yelling his name but the boy ran away.
He has been searching for more than an hour and it’s getting darker and darker. Please let his son be safe. He must find him immediately. Choking back a sob he argued with himself that Zeke must be out there somewhere. Nobody would dare to touch him. If anybody lays a hand on him, Grisha will mangle them.
He reached the park and it was deserted. Nevertheless, he decided to search there. To his huge relief he found Zeke there. He was sitting on a bench... with someone. Grisha lifted his lantern to see who it was. It seems to be a woman. From where he is standing, he can only see her back but he can clearly see Zeke. He was slumped against the woman as though he is dozing off to sleep. That sight set off the alarm bells in his head.
Around the city, there are so many posters about missing children and rumor says that there is a new organization that is involved in child trafficking. The MPs are trying their best to find them.
To Grisha’s horror, he saw a half-eaten cookie in Zeke’s hand. Zeke mumbled something and the woman ruffled his hair slowly, muttering something in his ear. Zeke went back to sleep.
That woman has drugged his son! His poor naïve son must have believed her sweet talks. She must have ‘comforted’ his distraught child and offered him that cookie. Oh Maria! If he hadn’t arrived there in time what would’ve happened? She would have taken his son away for nefarious purposes! She would’ve sold him into child labor! What was Zeke thinking? Didn’t he and Dina teach him all about stranger-danger?
As he stood there seething in rage, the woman stood up and threw Zeke on her shoulder. She started walking away. No doubt, she is going to show her leader their new prey! Anger clouded his eyes. How dare she try to kidnap his son? How dare she try to sell him into slavery? He is going to hand her over to the Military Police immediately! If they interrogate her then they can capture the whole group.
He walked behind her and before she could turn, held his scalpel against her neck. The woman stopped and her arms tightened around Zeke. Even at knife point this woman wanted to take his son away?! She is insane! He will make sure that she gets punished severely!
“Put my son down and slowly raise your hands!”, Grisha spat coldly, “I won’t hesitate to-”
“Grisha”, the woman snarled viciously, “Shut the fuck up before I shut you up!”
That voice is familiar.... Grisha’s eyes widened as he realized who that woman is. Maria sweet Maria! He is dead. He is dead!
“Carla?!”, he exclaimed in surprise as he pocketed his scalpel. The woman he loved looked at him with such fury that Grisha almost wished that it was a kidnapper. Almost. Zeke’s safety comes first even if it means he is going to his early grave.
Did he just threaten his lover with a scalpel? He squirmed as he realized how lowly he thought about her a few seconds ago. It’s a good thing that people can’t hear each other’s thoughts. She turned around and he saw her face with the help of his lantern.
“All I was able to see is a tall creepy guy staring at us!”, Carla whispered harshly, “I thought you were serial killer! When you held that scalpel against my neck, my heart nearly stopped!”
Her eyes were on fire. Her mouth was twitching and he understood that she is restraining herself only because she doesn’t want to disturb Zeke. Her amber eyes pierced him. Grisha gulped audibly. Don’t get him wrong, Carla is a wonderful angel who graced his life. He loved her to the depths of the ocean. She is funny, caring and loving. She is so beautiful. He loves her just as much as he loves Dina. That is, he loves her with a heart full of love.
But all that aside, Grisha must admit that his lover has a fiery temper. She is stubborn and when she is angry.... the Devil would crawl and hide under a rock. Her eyes contained the fury of all the Demons residing in hell. He prays that she won’t eat him alive. She’ll inherit the Attack Titan which he doesn’t want her to inherit. She narrowed her eyes and Grisha laughed nervously.
“Your place. Now”, she spat.
Zeke woke up when he heard noises. He sneezed loudly. At this range, he is going to catch a cold. He realized that someone’s carrying him. It must be Carla. Zeke went red as he remembered how he had bawled out his eyes in front of her.
He shivered when the cold breeze hit him. He snuggled against Carla. She is warm, he buried his face into the crook of her neck. He mumbled contentedly. Two strong arms hugged his back. He realized that she had wrapped a coat around him...
Coat?
He shot up. Carla did not bring a coat with her! With a pounding heart, he looked up only to stare right into the green eyes of his father. Carla must have given him to his father when he was asleep!
“Zeke”, Grisha smiled at him, “Don’t worry, we are going home”
That was the last thing he wanted to hear. He better apologize when he has the chance.
“I am sorry!”, he blurted, “I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to break it! I didn’t mean to-”
“It’s okay, Zeke. I am not angry with you”, he ruffled his hair, “We can go home and talk about it”
He isn’t angry? Zeke searched for any signs of hidden anger within him but he only saw a kind face looking down at him. Grisha’s green eyes were soft and full of love as he regarded his only son lovingly.
“You are not mad at me?”, Zeke asked him amazed
“No, I am not mad at you”, Grisha rubbed his back, “You are safe”
“Really? You won’t hit me?”, Zeke looked at him with wide eyes, “You won’t yell at me?”
“What the hell, Grisha? What does he mean by ‘hit’?”, Carla asked him alarmed, “He is just a child! How can you hit him?!”
Why is she alarmed? Adults hit children all the time. Why is she acting as though it is a crime? He did something wrong so he must be punished!
“Carla! I-”
“It’s okay, Miss Carla! I am used to it. I made a mistake so there is nothing wrong with getting punished... but I just don’t want to be hurt anymore”, he mumbled the last part.
It had the opposite effect on both of them.
“WHAT THE HELL!”, Grisha and Carla shouted in unison.
Zeke flinched. He messed up again and now Carla is angry too. He risked a glance at her and trembled. She looked furious. Her eyes had a dangerous glint within them. She was glaring at his father. Zeke looked at his father and to his surprise he was furious too. His lips were drawn into a thin line and he glared at the street angrily. He ducked and closed his eyes. Are they mad because he doesn’t want to be punished?
“I have never raised a hand against him and I will never hit him!”, Grisha exclaimed
Carla sighed, “I am sorry for assuming things about you. Who hits Zeke though?”
“Zeke”, Grisha’s voice trembled, “Did your instructors hit you? You can tell me, okay? I won’t ever hit you. Children shouldn’t be beaten”
They shouldn’t be beaten? But they said that it is perfectly normal to hit children. It would discipline them.
“They did. When I lagged behind others, they would hit me”, he screwed his face in confusion, “Isn’t that normal? Isn’t that discipline?”
“It’s not normal”, Carla whispered, “They shouldn’t beat you. They have no right to hit you. It’s not discipline, it’s child abuse. Who are these instructors, Grisha?”
“Private tutors I hired to teach him. I had.... high expectations for him”, Grisha’s eyes watered, “I never asked Zeke what he wanted though”
Carla patted his father’s shoulder and kissed Zeke on his head, “We’ll go home and talk about it. Zeke, you don’t have to worry about anyone hitting you. Nobody will ever touch you”
“Yes”, Grisha held him tightly, “Nobody will ever touch you again”
It took them nearly an hour to clear all the misunderstandings. Zeke is so insecure and it’s all his fault. If he had been a good father then Zeke wouldn’t have been so stressed.
He sighed as he sat in his rocking chair near the hearth. Zeke was sitting on his lap as he munched on his donut. Grisha wrapped him in a woolen blanket. He rocked the chair slowly. Carla left a few minutes ago and it’s only the two of them.
He literally saw red when Zeke told him that those beatings are regular and if they are lenient, he would be asked to clean toilets. He rubbed Zeke’s back. He really was a terrible father and sometimes he wonders how his son managed to forgive him for all the trouble he made him go through. How could he love him after everything he did?
“I am so sorry, Zeke. I never realized that you went through so much pain”
“I thought you knew”, he yawned, “But it’s okay. You are not leaving me and that’s enough for me”
“Is that all you want? For me to stay by your side?”, Grisha asked as continued rocking slowly, “You don’t care about what happened before?”
“Yes”, Zeke said as he finished his donut, “I don’t want you to leave me. You’ll always be with me, right? I don’t care about what happened before. I want you to stay by my side. Always”
“I will always stay with you. I will always be there for you”, he kissed Zeke’s head, “Your dad will never leave you. I promise”
Grisha doesn’t believe in God or Heaven and Hell but even if he dies, he’ll always look after son. He’ll always watch over him.
Zeke buried his face into his chest and went back to sleep. He hugged Grisha as though his life depends on him. Grisha held him in arms. He only had three blessings in his life: Zeke, Dina and Carla. He lost Dina but he won’t lose Zeke and Carla.
The father watched the burning fire as he embraced his son with all of his heart.
They are home at last.
Eighteen years later Zeke would find a notebook hidden inside Eren’s closet. Inside the notebook under the heading ‘Coup de grâce’, he would find a bunch of names. The Warrior Training Program Instructors were at the top of the list.