Chapter Text
They made the trip back to her apartment in silence. The dawning sun cast an ethereal light upon the worn down highway taking them from the Glen to Arroyo. Any other day, any other life, Lucy would have adored the chance to watch the sunrise with David, but she had to keep her attention to the road, shutting everything else out to calm her heart and steady her hands.
And David…
Her heart broke for him, he stared ahead, eyes vacant and face blank. Every now and then she could spy a stray tear leaking from the corner of his eyes, cutting clean lines down soot-stained cheeks. She wanted to reach out, to wipe away his tears, to stop the car and embrace him, to whisper in his ear and tell him everything would be okay. But right now every synapse in her body was telling her,
screaming
at her.
Get inside, don’t go out. Get inside, don’t go out.
Her hands still shook from adrenaline and fear. Betraying all the effort she had put into remaining stoic and composed.
Scenes came to her mind, unbidden. First the files she had seen while in Deep Dive, Arasaka’s interest in David’s cyberware tolerance, as if that was the only thing of value that godless corporation could see in her Moon. Then came the suffocating feeling of fighting against Tanaka’s security programs, her frazzled mindworking overtime as she multitasked, running a Reflector and Lightning Bug program to protect her as she furiously tore and shredded the files that the corpo had on her lover, one thought clear in her mind.
They won’t have him.
She knew she should say something, anything, to the love of her life sitting next to her. She wasn't blind, she knew he was a step away from the edge, that he needed her now more than ever.
But still, she found her lips pressed firmly together.
What could she even say? I told you so?
David had always been there for her, he was her light when she had spent her whole life in the darkness, under the shadow of Arasaka’s omnipresence. It was only thanks to him that she had begun to feel like she could go through life without constantly looking over her shoulder.
The fact that, now that their situations were somewhat reversed, she found herself tongue tied? There were no words to describe how she felt, though inadequate came close, deficient was definitely a close second.
Still… Her hands tightened around the steering wheel. There are still things I can do for him.
If Arasaka wanted to reach what was hers, she would be there at every step, every corner, waiting. Either they would run out of interest or they would run out of men.
I’ll do it all for you… David…
The streets of Arroyo gave way to Charter Hill, then to Japantown. Before long they found themselves coming to a stop outside her apartment, the old building overlooking the water seemed at once both comfortingly familiar and also desolate, as if it were an accusation from those whose blood was on her hands.
Don’t think about it. She thought to herself as she climbed the steps leading up to her apartment, David following numbly behind. Don’t think about how Dorio and Maine were still alive, and you wanted to run and leave them to die, just like befor- No! Don’t think about it!
David stepped forward, the door’s security system recognizing his bio-sig as another resident and hissing open with an affirmative beep. His hand seemed so inviting , hanging limply by his side. She wanted desperately to reach out and take it, to squeeze it and watch a smile break out from under his tired, worn mask.
She did nothing.
David stumbled inside, kicking off his shoes numbly as he opened the blinds. Though Lucy had only just come from the outside, the light that shone into her apartment caused her to wince.
Kicking off her boots too, she stared around. She’d been with David for scant weeks, the two of them stumbling through the early stages of their relationship, something that Lucy had no experience with, dating opportunities were dead in the water when you felt like you were on the run all the time, after all.
Dorio had noticed quickly, the older woman had picked up on the change in her personality almost immediately. If David was any indication the blonde Solo had figured things out far earlier than their esteemed boss.
And now they’re both… She stumbled, gripping on to the doorframe for support.
“Lucy!” David was by her side in an instant, light returned to those warm brown eyes. “You okay?”
Why…? Why are you… She bit back a sob, refusing to show weakness. The first time he said anything since the explosion and it’s for you. A murderer. A traitor.
“Yeah.” she lied, putting on a smile and praying it wasn’t as tired and forced as it felt . “Just tired, that’s all.”
Swallowing nervously, she let David help her to her feet. She wanted so desperately to come clean, to have this burden off her chest and to have her know, but…
If he knows, what will he think? A part of her reasoned. Lucy tried not to grimace as David helped her to the bed, stepping on discarded bottles as they went. Will he stay with the one who murdered Dorio? Who killed Maine?
No. She pressed her lips together. The risk of David hating her was one she wasn’t willing to take. She begged the spirits of Dorio and Maine for forgiveness, for understanding. She swore to them that she would make up for all her sins when she was sent to hell, a place where David would never know. But for now… Please give me more time… with him…
She let go of David as she sat down on the mattress, her thighs sinking into the cushioned surface as David took both her hands. As he ran a thumb over her knuckles tenderly, his warmth and touch melting away her worries, if only for the moment.
God… Let this moment never end…
"Get some rest." he smiled softly, interrupting that thought prematurely. "I'll be back in a bit."
What?
"Where are you going?" Lucy asked, all exhaustion forgotten in the face of this unknown.
"I'm just going to Doc's." David said, "Won't be long."
"Why?"
Why now? You saw what happened to Maine, didn't you?
"Need to get stronger." David replied, wrenching his eyes closed. "I wasn't strong enough to save Maine, or Dorio. It won't happen again. I swear it."
"But-"
"It'll be okay." David opened his eyes, the eyes she'd come to adore. Giving her a quick kiss, he smiled. "I won't be long."
As he walked to the door, Lucy felt like somebody had lit her nervous system on fire. Panic filled her mind as a louder voice overtook the one that urged for discretion, screaming at her the one thing that she had overlooked.
You got your crew killed protecting him. Now he’s going to go get himself killed trying to protect you. You can’t just hide this from him, MOVE!
Lucy lunged forward, grabbing David by the hem of his jacket, a memento of his mother.
She made a promise, then and there, to Gloria Martinez. A woman she had never met.
I swear, I'll keep him safe. Even if it means I lose him forever.
"Lucy?" David turned, brows furrowed in confusion. "What-"
"No."