Chapter Text
It was too loud. There was too much going on and Sirius did not care for it one bit. That wasn’t true, he needed the crowd. Crouched in a narrow alley between two buildings, he watched people passing the gap he’d slipped through, listening in on their conversations.
“-and she had tits like a fucking whore-” Sirius’s mouth soured as the men stumbled past, drunk by ten in the morning.
In a gap between people, he spied a young girl running around with a teddy bear, causing a smile to twitch on his lips.
“Annie!” A woman called, scooping the girl up into her arms before walking towards a stall selling fish. The harbour was a busy place to be on a Saturday morning, with enough people to disguise Sirius and keep him hidden from those searching for the young man.
Going back to eavesdropping, he clung to one voice, just loud enough for him to find it between the others.
“Oranges! Just like a shit tonne of oranges.” Only an idiot wouldn’t know what that meant. Someone wasn’t planning to be on land for some time. There was a boat leaving. Scrambling to his feet, he tuned into the man’s words and followed them. “You wouldn’t be happy if I had to get The Sea Wolf himself out here, would you?”
The Sea Wolf? Sirius smirked at how threatening this man thought those words were. But then he saw them, and the vendor’s eyes were wide with fear. The Sea Wolf. Pushing between people to get closer, Sirius found himself within feet of the conversation, busying himself with examining a pineapple on the stall side them.
“I can have them brought to the docks. When do you leave?” The vendor asked, scrambling for something to make a note of the order. For a moment, the sailor looked over to Sirius, catching him staring before turning back to the barrel he stood in front of. Sirius didn’t look away; he wanted this man to remember his face. The sailor was a little taller than him, with jet black hair and an enviable beard, his shoulders wide and he had clearly been in his fair share of fights, nose slightly twisted.
“An hour, The Kraken’s Mercy. Get them there within half an hour and our lovely Waterlily might give you a smile.” The sailor winked, taking one last look at Sirius with a frown before disappearing. Watching curiously, the young man turned the pineapple he was absently holding until it was snatched from him.
“Closed.” The vendor huffed, but Sirius was hardly in the market for exotic fruits and found his attention being pulled away. As he slowly stalked between bodies, something told him to turn around, to throw a chanceful glance over his shoulder, and he was met with a stinging whistle.
Lurching into action, Sirius shoved people out of the way, caring very little about injuring them as he attempted to put distance between himself and the Warden of the Guard. The deep voice drowned out the hushed murmurs around him as he jumped over a small wall onto the wooden slats of the docks, racing past small leisure boats and official vessels of the Navy until he spotted familiar words.
The Kraken’s Mercy.
Grabbing a stack of crates filled with tins, he pulled as he passed, sending them clattering over, spilling some into the water but more onto the dock where he had just been. A few seconds. This was all it gave him, but it was enough for the man he’d just been observing to look up from the gangplank and then to the scene behind him.
“Coming aboard?” He asked as Sirius reached the bottom, looking up to the bearded man and then back at the guards. They were only getting closer as he paused, so he began walking towards the sailor, following him up to the ship where he finally collapsed onto the floor, listening to the shouting below.
“Fugitive!” They bellowed, but all Sirius did was laugh, looking up at the man who had helped him. His chest was heaving from running, lungs trying to catch up with the fact he had stopped. The sailor crouched down beside him, taking in his appearance, it was clear Sirius hadn’t washed in a couple of days and was in desperate need of some food and something to drink.
With pleading eyes, Sirius looked up at him, slowly shaking his head until the dark-haired sailor turned back to look down at the docks.
“Sorry boys, no fugitives here.” He shouted, shrugging with a nonchalance that Sirius could only wish for, letting out a laugh of relief as the man crouched beside him. “Saw you looking earlier, what’s your damage?”
“Pardon?” Sirius furrowed his brow, sitting up against the side of the ship and bending his knees.
“What’s going on with you, kid? You’re on the run from the law, you’re on my Captain’s ship and I don’t even know your name.” Sirius scrambled to his feet, but the sailor shoved him back to the ground, looking to the docks before scowling back at Sirius.
“You invited me on?”
“Did I?” He stood to his full height, towering over Sirius, who was on his back, shooting a glare up at the sailor before kicking his leg out. This was a game; he knew it was, it had to be. A test to see if Sirius was some pushover kid or if he had sea legs worth keeping aboard. Either that or he had a few screws loose. If Sirius believed in a god, he would pray for the former.
“Yes!” Sirius hissed. Suddenly, fingers wrapped around his ankle, yanking him closer as the sailor leaned over him.
“Hey, guys? Did I invite this guy on the ship?” A few people turned but paid no mind to them.
“Stop playing with the man, Potter.” A voice shouted, and Sirius’s head twisted to the left to see a woman standing at a door across the deck. His shoulders sagged in relief as she smiled at him. The Sea Wolf. She had to be. Men parted around her as she moved forward, slow steps commanding attention until she reached the pair, crouching down and cocking her head to one side.
There was something about her that made Sirius smile, the gentleness in her green eyes and the way she moved her auburn hair from her face, attention still on him as he lifted to his elbows. Her face was dotted with freckles and her smile showed good teeth. She looked after herself well, she was no selkie wife brought aboard for pleasure, spending hours on her back. This was someone to have on his side.
“He did invite me on, I swear.” Sirius stuttered, watching her turn her head up towards the sailor who was still standing over them.
“Come on, Waterlily, I was only having fun.” He shrugged his shoulders and gave a playful smile that she didn’t buy for a minute, rolling her eyes.
“You’re a real prick, Potter.” She looked the man, Potter, up and down before standing back up and offering Sirius a hand. He took it, noticing the rough but clean palm, and callouses at the base of each finger, most likely from hauling ropes.
This wasn’t The Sea Wolf, she wasn't captain at all. He’d heard Potter say the name Waterlily before when talking to the vendor about the oranges. Not the captain, but still known. Her smile was clearly worth a lot if it was a bargaining chip. He’d got one for free.
“I’m Sirius, miss.” He still clung to her hand as he got to her feet, lingering until she pulled it away. He watched her face change, examining the state of his clothes, the well-made shirt now smudged with grime, his boots scuffed, and his trousers muddied from sitting on the floor in countless alleyways.
“Sirius. Hm.” She let go of his hand, turning away and leaving him with Potter. He didn’t fancy being left alone with him, so went to follow her but found a hand clamped on his shoulder.
“Don’t bother. Evans doesn’t entertain the likes of you.” It was said with fondness, but Sirius understood those words. Until he had a purpose for being on the ship, she was too busy for a street urchin like him.
“A job. I need a job.” Sirius called out, and Evans stopped, not turning, but she had stopped.
“I’m not in the market for handing out jobs.” She threw over her shoulder and was about to carry on walking when Sirius pulled from Potter’s grasp.
“I’ll scrub the decks. I’m clearly not precious about my appearance and I fucking stink. And I don’t need a bunk, I’m actually quite good at sleeping on the ground.” This gave her something to think about, tapping her foot on the deck before spinning.
“Sirius is an odd name. What’s your last name?” She asked, crossing her arms, and running her tongue across the front of her teeth.
“Black.”
“Black, fantastic, come with me. Potter don’t overstep again. And make sure those oranges arrive.” Evans pointed at Potter, raising an eyebrow in warning before grabbing Sirius by the arm and yanking him to the open hatch down into the belly of the ship.
“Where are we going?” Sirius asked as Evans placed a hand between his shoulder blades and gave a light shove.
“We’re off to see Pete, he’ll think of something to do with you.” There was something reassuring about the tone of her voice as they disappeared below deck, out of sight of the other sailors.
Below the top deck, it was easier to hear the groaning of the ship, the gentle rocking, and the sound of water lapping against the sides reminding Sirius of how little time he had spent at sea. Precisely none. There were tables and benches set up in the space immediately below the top deck and Lily sat down, nodding to the space opposite. Cautiously, Sirius sat down, looking around at the few men around them, wondering which was Pete.
“So, what’s a dandy like you doing on a ship like this?” She smirked, making Sirius’s attention snap to her. There was a knife in her hand, turning it about as she studied the sharp blade. Sirius gulped.
“Pardon?”
“Come off it, you’re no seaman, lad. That shirt looks in good nick and I doubt the guards are after you because you stole it, and your boots are too nice to have been on a voyage. Your hands haven’t seen a day’s work, and your hair is still all in your head. Good skin, all your teeth, you talk like a toff. Want me to carry on?”
“No, I think that covers it…I just want to get out of this place.” Sirius wasn’t quite ready to talk about why he was running from the guard, but Evans had shown him kindness, so he didn’t feel like lying.
“Family?” She stuck the tip of the knife into the table and began spinning it, glancing up at Sirius with inquisitive eyes. While her actions weren’t meant to be threatening, Sirius was glad she couldn’t see how tightly his hands were gripping the bench.
“Something like that.” He shrugged, looking away to the porthole and then up as he heard voices above them, one of them being the fruit vendor. The oranges were here, Potter might just survive the Waterlily.
“Say no more, got a sister I quite liked seeing the back of,” Evans smirked before leaning over to the side and whistling. “Pete, over ‘ere.”
When Sirius twisted about to see who stood up, he noticed a man with shaggy blond hair on the far table get to his feet and make his way over, eyes on the new meat. He sat on the table, feet on the bench, and looked at Sirius for too long.
“What can I do for the lovely Waterlily?” Pete wasn’t talking to her like Potter did, there was a long-running familiarity, his words sincere.
“This one needs a job, what you got?” Evans waved the knife towards Sirius, who was determined to remain unphased but ultimately was betrayed by the widening of his eyes, making her laugh.
“Deckhand.” Pete took a bit from some break and Sirius looked between the two as Evans turned fully to look at Pete. Her fiery hair almost seemed to come alive for a moment, shifting about her face like the tentacles of the Kraken, a life of its own.
“Nothing else?” She asked, glancing over to Sirius. He’d made it clear that he would do the dirty work, but Evans remained unconvinced.
“Deckhand or get off the ship.” Pete stood up, taking one look at Sirius, and letting out a huff of a laugh.
“Anchor up!” A voice echoed and Sirius turned his head up with wide eyes. They were leaving already; it hadn’t even been an hour.
“Deckhand or you’re swimming back to port.” Pete laughed louder now, and Sirius nodded slightly, turning his attention back to Evans. Not fancying going back to the place where he was being hunted like prey, Sirius supposed he had no choice. He was on the ship. Evans pushed up from the bench to head back up to the top deck now they were getting ready to leave.
“What kind of ship is this?” Sirius asked, getting to his feet as Evans moved away from him.
“Oh, bless. Maybe it is best if I don’t tell you and you find out yourself.” She slapped a hand lightly on his cheek before emerging back up top, her demeanour shifting as she began shouting orders. Sails were hoisted and Sirius could hear the clattering of the anchor chair winding. This was real. This was Sirius’s life for however long he stayed aboard.
~~~
It hadn’t occurred to Sirius to be concerned about not meeting this famed Sea Wolf. In fact, he didn’t even realise this had been the case until he’d been there for a week. Routine fell into place quickly, and there wasn’t much time to sit around idle when you had to scrub decks and there was no help. Turns out sailors were messier than he anticipated.
Before sunrise, Sirius would normally be woken by whoever was working the ship overnight, keeping watch from the crows next up the mast. He’d wash from a small basin and then start work, washing away anything the sea threw up onto the deck in the night, washing away the salt that ate into the wood, maintaining the finish and ensuring things that shifted in the night from the rocking of the ship were back in their places. The sun would rise in this time and that meant breakfast.
It was a busy half hour, the worst part of Sirius’s day. After already working for a couple of hours, he’d have to fight for a seat to force less-than-desirable food down his throat. There was no official cook on the ship, the responsibility was taken on by any willing man with two hands, counting out two shipmates. If he was lucky, someone would save Sirius somewhere to sit, usually Potter who surprisingly turned out to be less of a tosser than he first seemed.
“Alright, Black? How’s the water looking?” He’d ask when Sirius sat down, pushing a bowl of what looked like porridge towards him. It wasn’t porridge, Sirius didn’t fancy asking what it was as he scooped the lumpy sludge up with a spoon.
“Rough. Starting to understand why there was no deckhand, I wouldn’t like doing this job for too long.” Sirius groaned, losing his appetite as soon as the ‘food’ was in his mouth.
There was an uncomfortable silence, Sirius noting the way Potter’s eyebrows flicked up for a second as he pushed the last spoonful of food around his bowl. He frowned at the man opposite him, looking around but not meeting anyone’s eyes.
“He didn’t leave, did he?” Setting down his spoon, Sirius leaned in as if it wasn’t obvious from his face what he was asking about.
“No, he went overboard.” It struck him suddenly that this life may not be all it’s cracked up to be. Sure, he was tired at the end of each day and slept at least six hours, but this wasn’t something he expected. Were the dangers worth getting out of that rotting port town? Falling overboard happens, Sirius knew this, and with his job starting so early in the morning he supposed it could easily happen and nobody would notice for hours if the watchmen were facing the wrong way and didn’t hear him hit the water. If Sirius fell, he’d never survive.
“He fell?” Sirius gulped, watching as Potter glanced up at him. While he had seemed so much older than Sirius’s twenty-four years when he first came aboard, in reality, he was only a year his senior at most. Now Sirius saw his face relatively close up multiple times a day, he could see the familiar lost look in his eyes when he was left too long to his thoughts, one he knew he carried himself.
“Word is…The Sea Wolf dealt with him.” Potter muttered under his breath. Sirius suddenly sat up straight, looking to the man who sat next to him, then back to Potter. As he did so, he caught Evans’ eye across the room, and he could tell by the subtle change in her eyes that she figured out what he’d just been told.
“Fuck.” He went to stand up but decided against it. Then he picked his spoon up and remembered how utterly disinterested he was in the food and put it back down, shoving his hands under his lap.
“It would do you good to never mention it again, Black.” Potter shovelled the last bit of his porridge into Sirius’s bowl. “By the way, if Evans comes over, tell her that she’s really made you feel at home. If you’re lucky, she’ll give you an extra break later.” With that, Potter stood up and left, heading up to the top deck and leaving Sirius to sit with his thoughts.
Moments later, Evans sat herself down where Potter had been and gave Sirius a look of sympathy, biting her bottom lip.
“Chin up, Black.” She tapped his chin with a curled knuckle, “You have less of a gob than that little shite did.” She smiled just enough that Sirius’s shoulders drooped, and he turned his attention down to his food.
“What was his name?” He asked, trying to force-feed himself to keep up his strength. She hesitated, watching Sirius for a couple of seconds before answering. Evans understood in her own way. She was the only woman on the ship so felt this pressure to keep up with the men around her, to show that she was worthy of being right-hand to The Sea Wolf, so she kept up a façade that these things didn’t affect her, that she was hard as a rock. But she could see something in Sirius, a dampened flame that reminded Evans of herself before she arrived on the ship. When she’d first heard about the last deckhand, she’d simply turned around and walked away. Nobody saw her for an hour.
“Barty. Right prick he was as well. Probably deserved it, Captain’s a fair man.” She explained, and Sirius nodded slowly. If that was true, then he should be okay. Keep quiet, keep to himself, stay in Evans and Potter’s good books, and do his work. He’d be safe if he did that.
“Then why does he never come out?” Sirius chanced, and Evans smiled enough for Sirius to narrow his eyes at her.
“Half of the crew don’t see him more often than once a month, don’t think too much of it.” She ruffled his loose curls, reminding him to tie his hair back before he went back to his duties.
“Oh. Thanks, Evans.” He smiled back, “Sometimes I guess I feel a bit lost around here. You just really-”
“Make you feel at home? Help you adjust to the big change? James has been teaching you his ways, huh.” Sirius’s mouth hung agape for a moment, snapping it shut after a second and letting out an uneasy laugh, joined by Evans. It was odd, hearing Potter be referred to by his first name, but he supposed there were probably at least three men called some variation of James on the ship.
“I think he feels bad about the first day.” Sirius rolled his shoulders, trying to work himself up to have another mouthful of gruel, Evans smirking as she watched.
“Don’t worry, I made sure he was properly punished.” She winked, “It’s Lily, by the way.” She got up from her seat, leaving her bowl on top of James’s at the end of the bench and ruffled his hair as she walked past, Sirius swatting her hand away with a scowl.
Lily. Like a waterlily. That made sense now.
“You’re a pissing twat, you know that right?” Sirius prodded Potter’s chest when he next saw him, James feigning hurt as Sirius tried to disguise the smile on his face.
“What have I done to deserve that?” James propped himself against the large coil of rope on deck, jumping as it shifted under his weight before scowling.
“She figured out whatever was going on, the sweet-talking you were setting me up for.” Sirius dipped his hand in the dirty water, flicking it at James who quickly scrambled out of the way with a wide grin.
“Oh, that.” He stood on the other side of the role coil, ready to run at Sirius’s next move.
“Yeah, said she punished you or something for messing me about that first day too.”
“She loves me.” Sirius had known James for a week, but something about living with a person on a ship where your only other option was jumping overboard, you learned people’s idiosyncrasies, the way they looked at others, spoke to others as well as spoke of them. James was definitely smitten with Lily, he watched her walk by like she was the first land mass he’d seen after years at sea, and Lily barely looked at him at all. In fact, she would often mutter insults under her breath at the sound of his voice. Instead of saying anything, Sirius just rolled his eyes and flicked more water at James, making him go away.
While it seemed his attempt at flattering Lily had failed, that night when he went to bed, he found an orange under his pillow and a piece of paper with a little drawing of a flower on it. Lily. He smiled to himself and stashed it away to eat alone in the morning when the sun was rising.
~~~
Nights passed, and as Sirius adjusted to this life, he found his body less exhausted by the end of the day and as he neared the three-week mark, he had his first sleepless night. He lay on his bunk, James sound asleep above him, and he stared at the porthole he could see if he craned his neck just right. The water was still, and if he got the angle right, he could see the moon, but it hurt his neck to do so. His tossing and turning had already woke up Pete on the next bunk over, as well as one of the men across the way. It was nights like that when he envied Lily’s private room.
Eventually, Sirius found it was time to give up and slipped away from the bunks to go up to the top deck. Carefully, foregoing his boots, he crept past Lily’s room and through the mess to the steps, pushing open the hatch doors slowly. When he poked his head out, he could see there was no one up in the crow’s nest, so he looked around for the watchman before his eyes landed on him.
A man stood, leaning against the side of the ship, face turned up to the sky. He was tall, Sirius could tell that already, and in his left hand he gripped a cane. He wore nothing fancy, dressed in a loose white shirt and some dark-coloured trousers, boots planted shoulder width apart. His hair, from what Sirius could tell in the dim moonlight, was sandy, tousled with the salt air. Sirius didn’t want to disrupt his thoughts, clearly deep in them by the fact he didn’t react to the creaking of Sirius on the stairs. As he decided to slink back to bed, his head turned.
“I don’t bite.” The man said, his face giving away nothing as he looked Sirius in the eye. He could see now, scars scattered across his face, over his forearms where the sleeves of his shirt were pushed up. Slowly, Sirius approached, looking down to see a hand extended for him to shake.
“Sirius Black.” He introduced himself, shaking the man’s hand.
“Remus Lupin, The Sea Wolf.” Something seized hold of Sirius, freezing him on the spot before snapping back into motion, going to pull away his hand before the grip on it tightened. Lupin turned his hand over, facing it up and studying Sirius’s palm.
“Captain Lupin, Sea Wolf, sir.” Sirius cast a glance down at their hands, trying to figure out what the captain was looking for when he heard a huff of amusement.
“Remus is just fine. What do you do on this ship, Sirius?” He asked, turning the hand back over and honing his attention to Sirius’s middle finger on his right hand.
“I scrub, I clean, I make sure there is plenty of fresh water, that things aren’t disgusting.” There was a tension in Remus’s body for a second, his jaw clenching.
“You’re a deckhand.” He ran his thumb over one of the knuckles of the finger and tutted.
“Yes, sir. Remus. Sorry.” Trying to withdraw his hand again, he found Remus more willing to let go, Sirius dropping his arm back to his side.
“You’re an educated man, are you not? Where did you study?” Sirius found himself taken aback by the question. He was certainly talking less like a ‘toff’ as Lily had called him, but he also knew he wasn’t like Potter or Pete.
“Oxford. Studied Law there but left all that behind and got on at the last port.” Sirius answered, looking up at Remus, and taking a better look at his face.
There were two larger scars on his face, one running diagonally across his face from brown to jaw, then another cutting down his bottom lip and chin. Neither of them, however, detracted from how obviously beautiful the man was. Didn’t need to study at Oxford to know that.
“And what’s an Oxford man doing on a pirate ship?” Sirius supposed he should be more shocked. A pirate ship.
“Of course, it is. Makes sense I’d be here then since I got chased through the docks by the Warden of the Guard.” The corner of Sirius’s mouth quirked up, looking over to the spot where he’d lay on his back hiding, James teasing him before Lily came to his rescue.
“Ah, a criminal law student. The irony. What’s your crime, then?” The smile disappeared, Sirius dropping the amusement from his face as he shook his head, kissing his teeth.
“I’d rather keep that to myself if it’s the same to you.” Muttered Sirius, waiting for an insistence. A Captain should want to know, gathering information on his men. Though he supposed it was different for pirates, criminality was probably a requirement, the chase giving James the idea to get him on board the ship in the first place.
Sirius had brought shame onto the Black family at Oxford. He’d spent years paying people off for keeping his secrets until he paid the wrong person too little, and they went straight to the papers. Eldest son of Orion Black, Heir to the family fortune, disgraced criminal, and sodomite. Punishable by death. Not that he would ever admit to it. Of all crimes, it felt the most pathetic, perhaps the most shameful, unlawfully homosexual awaiting hanging with murderers, arsonists, and thieves. Though he supposed piracy was now on the list, depending on how it was defined. Was he a pirate? Surely not.
“Tomorrow morning, at dawn, be in my quarters ready for work.” Taking a second more to study Sirius’s face, Lupin turned away from him and headed towards the door to his quarters.
“I’m supposed to be scrubbing the deck at dawn, sir,” Sirius called out, watching him walk away. At the last second, the captain turned around with a wicked grin that made Sirius glad he was leaning against a barrel.
“Disobeying captain’s orders? Some would say the consequences of that are just as bad as whatever you are running from, perhaps far worse.” His smirk disappeared into the darkness and Sirius was left alone on the top deck, watching the moon’s reflection shift in the waves, listening to water on wood and the groaning of the ship. How had a nobleman’s son, a law student at Oxford, fallen so far and yet felt happiness beyond anything he’d known?
~~~
When Sirius knocked on the door to the captain’s quarters the next morning, still concerned it was all one big joke and he’d immediately be shooed back up to the top deck with a bucket and a brush, he was surprised to hear Lupin’s voice beckoning him inside. Creaking open the door, Sirius saw Remus leaning on the edge of a desk and First Mate Evans stood at a table, map weighed down on its surface.
“Ah, Sirius, you chose wisely.” Remus let his lips curve ever so slightly before looking over to Lily, “I suppose you’ll be needing to whip my men into shape if we’re going to stay on schedule but go and enjoy breakfast first.”
Lily smirked, giving Sirius a look of confusion as she passed before heading up the stops to the top deck, where voices were already emerging from the depths of the ship. Sirius closed the door, standing in the corner of the room as Remus looked him up and down before waving him over.
“Thank you for coming, I was really hoping someone as intelligent as you would find me eventually. An Oxford man, however, well…I only dreamed of being so lucky.” Remus pushed off the edge of his desk, skirting around it to sit in the chair and sifting leafing through an open book.
“What is this about, sir?” Sirius stepped further into the room, watching how quick Remus was with his hands, scanning each page as he flicked through until he came across the one that he’d been looking for.
“I told you, it’s Remus. I’m in need of a cabin boy, an apprentice as such, to take some of the weight off Lily and James. Most of my men cannot read or write, and those who can already have jobs that need such skills. But you…you are far too qualified to be a deckhand, we’ll find someone else to do those duties. I’ll send Pete out at the next port town to find someone.” Sirius nodded along, sitting in an empty chair, and watching as Remus turned the book around and pushed it towards Sirius. As he picked it up, he noticed it was a journal kept by someone with impeccable handwriting.
“Is this from your last cabin boy?” He asked, turning the page to read the rest of the passage. It was an account of what seemed like a particularly bad day. There had been an attack on the ship, the last captain murdered by the perpetrators and the first mate ended up with a broken femur. Despite this, they came out the better crew.
“Cabin girl. I inherited Lily from the last captain of this ship, kept her on and then promoted her to my first mate. James was deckhand back then and he’d worked his way up the ranks to quartermaster. The three of us have taken on responsibilities a cabin boy would normally fulfil.” For a second, Sirius just looked at Remus before his eyes widened.
“Your leg.” He muttered.
“Yes, never fully healed. We don’t have a surgeon onboard, so it wasn’t properly set. We were close to hacking it off if my fever didn’t break in the night, but I was sitting up by the morning. Now I’m stuck with this cane.” Sirius’s eyes shifted over to where Remus’s hand rested on the top of the walking aid, finally able to see the design carved into it, making it look like a twisted length of rope.
Easing himself up from his hair, Remus crossed the room, Sirius twisting in his chair to watch, and retrieved a metal pot. Making his way back over, he stopped beside Sirius and pressed it into the palm of his hand.
“Your hands are your tool now, take good care of them. You have a lot of dryness, to be expected from your last job, this should help with that. Wouldn’t want such pretty hands to be ruined now, would we?” With a smile, he hobbled over to the map, leaving Sirius to swallow his objection to the compliment, furrowing his brow in confusion. It took him a moment to get up and follow Remus, mind still going over what he’d just said. His hands were pretty?
Much of the day was spent going through what Sirius’s duties were, Remus started with the map and what each piece meant. They went through accounts kept of each port, what was bought and who they interacted with. Anyone trustworthy was written down so they knew they were reliable for the next time they passed through and the same for anyone to avoid.
The more time Sirius spent with Remus, the harder it was to believe that this was The Sea Wolf, feared by the crew and men at every port. His name was nothing less than a threat to invoke fear. Yet Remus was nothing like him, bearing no resemblance to the dreaded captain of The Kraken’s Mercy, as he told Sirius about his experiences on the boat, starting as a cabin boy himself straight out of school. At twenty-seven, he’d spent nearly fifteen years on the same ship, yet Sirius had noticed his rough exterior showed it more than his demeanour.
After lunch, Sirius was flipping through more of Lily’s accounts as a cabin girl. The attitudes towards her as a woman were disgusting, calling her a witch and a whore for simply being a damn sight braver than anyone else on the ship, perhaps even Remus himself. When he glanced over to the captain, he saw him in his chair, now turned to face the window at the stern of the ship, one leg crossed over the other as he leaned back in his chair and looked out to the sea. Sirius had tired of the journal, placing it down and looking around before spotting some books on a single shelf amongst the cubby holes where scrolls of parchment and maps were kept. Quietly, not wanting to disrupt Remus’s thoughts, he went over and pulled a book from the shelf.
“I see you’ve found my pathetic excuse of a library.” Remus was looking over at him, a warm smile on his face, his voice making Sirius jump and almost drop the book.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t be so nosy. My father always said it was a terrible habit of mine, snooping.” Sirius went to put the book back, but Remus raised a hand, shaking his head.
“It is no invasion of privacy to be curious, Sirius, you may borrow one whenever you please.” It was a kindness Sirius should know to expect by now but still found himself surprised by. Remus couldn’t help but surprise him.
“Oh, thank you, but while I can read, I tend not to unless I must. I find most books bore me and I never have the patience to finish anything.” He put the book back and returned to his seat where he picked up the journal again, opening it just to stare at the page mindlessly.
“I need the whimsy of books, myself. Spending so long at sea leaves very little time for exploring the land and sometimes pretending I’m not on this ship at all is much preferred.” This was something Sirius could understand, and he’d been on The Kraken’s Mercy a fraction of the time Captain Lupin had. As he turned his attention back down to the journal, he didn’t notice Remus pick up a book from his desk, open it, and begin reading aloud.
It was poetry that The Sea Wolf had decided to recite, noting the pause in Sirius’s finger as it traced the lines he read, watching as he glanced up at Remus before diverting his gaze away from him once he recognised that he’d been caught. The was a ghost of a smile on Sirius’s lips as he settled into his chair, only half paying attention to what he was reading, the rest of him listening to Remus’s voice, the lilt of an accent Sirius didn’t recognise emphasising words Sirius had never have thought to pay attention to.
Later that night with most of the crew at around the tables in the mess area, drinking ale and singing together with Lily’s lead, Sirius slipped away to find somewhere quieter. On the deck, he could see the light in Remus’s quarters was on but dim, and Sirius was knocking on the door before he could even think twice about it.
“Lily, just walk in for Christ’s sake. How many times-” Remus opened the door and looked down to see Sirius, jacket unbuttoned and a flushed glow to his cheeks from having spent an hour crammed between other men, drinking and chanting words he barely knew.
“Hi. Not Lily, sorry.” The corner of his mouth twitched up as Remus leaned against the door frame for balance sans cane.
“Never apologise for not being Lily, she scares me sometimes.” The pair just looked at each other, Remus waiting for Sirius to say something but there wasn’t a thought in his head. Sirius had no idea why he’d knocked; he hadn’t needed anything from Remus.
“I changed my mind about the book thing. I think I would like to borrow one, if you don’t mind, that is.” For a moment, it was like Remus hadn’t heard him, still just looking at Sirius in silence before pushing off the frame and going over to the small collection, picking up a blue book and hobbling back with the support of furniture.
“This one, I think you’ll like it. If you haven’t already read it, I mean.” Sirius took the book in his hands, studying the cover before shaking his head.
“Thank you.” He tilted his head back up, catching Remus’s gaze and holding it for a second longer than he normally would. “I’ll be going now, didn’t mean to disturb your evening. Good night, Remus.”
“It was no disturbance at all, good night.” Remus watched Sirius walk back a few steps before the cabin boy turned and jogged up the steps and walked away. Sirius glanced over his shoulder before disappearing down into the ship, spying The Sea Wolf’s eyes on him still until he could no longer see him. While he still had the bunks to himself, he lit a lamp and sat down on his bed, opening the book up to the first page.
It took some time to reel in his thoughts, his mind still tied to the feeling of Remus’s hands on his just the night before, the sound of his voice telling Sirius he was glad to see him. He couldn’t do this. It had been months since he’d gotten that feeling, that tugging inside him when he wanted someone, but this was the Captain, The Sea Wolf himself. Sirius rubbed his eyes and tried to focus on Don Quixote but couldn’t get the man out of his head. If he wasn’t careful, Sirius was going to get himself in trouble.