Chapter Text
The Viddathlok, the temple of healing, had an open south facade with a wide balcony and sculpted archways. There, patients and therapists enjoyed the warmth of the sun and the view of the sea. Herbal scents from the garden below were rising to them, adding to a calming scenery.
Ashkaari needed it. She inhaled the flowers' fragrance and breathed out slowly to calm her nerves. What she was going to do wasn’t her area of expertise, but it was the role given to her by the Ariqun and one that she was prepared for. As such, she would do her best, as she always did. Asit tal-eb.
She walked in the room where Hissrad was patiently waiting. He stood up at her arrival, and she took the time to observe him. He had one of the most massive pair of horns she had ever seen. It was quite unusual for horns to grow in such an angular manner, and it was distracting. She did her best to focus on the more important signs she had been taught to look for in a person seeking counseling. Scars proved the amount of battles he had survived, but it was in the curves of his eyebrows and lips that she learned the most. He looked resigned, as if he already knew what she was going to tell him. That more than anything proved to her that she had made the right choice by stepping in. Even if she failed, at least she’d have tried more than the Tamassrans would have offered.
“Hissrad, I’m Ashkaari. I’ve been given charge of your counseling.”
The Ben-Hassrath did a double take, although he had probably noticed everything that mattered at first glance, such as the blue sash marked with her rank. “Is it that bad that they asked a scholar to take care of me? Or am I a particularly interesting specimen?”
“Neither. Your previous treatments didn’t give the expected results, but it doesn’t mean that your situation is problematic or singular. When I was informed of your case, I simply proposed an unusual method and was given permission to proceed with it.” She waved towards the bed in an invitation for him to sit while she went for a chair.
“So, I’m a test.”
“Hardly. What I’m proposing relies on you. I’d say it’s more of a… specific treatment, tailored to your needs, by yourself.”
Hissrad relaxed somewhat, moving from his ramrod straight back to a slight slouch with an arm resting on his knee, hand dangling. That was a good sign. “Alright, now I’m curious,” he admitted, tilting his head very slightly, not enough that his horns put him off-balanced (and that was something she needed to remember: with such horns and heavy stress, his neck would certainly be painful).
“The usual sex therapy failed twice. In the first case, it provoked an aggravation of your psychological condition and in the second the relief was very short-lived. Would you agree with this assessment?”
“Yeah.”
“You’ve admitted that the soul sickness worsened in increments each time you were hit by an unexpected attack in Seheron, that you were able to keep it at bay as long as you could proceed with your work. Would you say that this is related to your control of the situation? The less you were in control, the worse it was?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess. There weren’t many times I was in complete control but when things went my way it was easier to deal with.”
Ashkaari nodded slowly. She tucked a strand of white wavy hair behind her ear and explained her theory: “It is my belief that your reaction to the sex therapy relies on the fact that this treatment takes away control of the situation from you. You’re unable to relax, probably because you’re accustomed to relying only on yourself.”
Hissrad leaned forward with both arms on his knees, frowning slightly. “It’s not from lack of trying. I know I’m safe here...”
“... but you’re unable to act on it because of asala-taar . I understand. That’s why we need to find another way to help you. I’m offering you the opposite situation.”
“What do you mean?”
“ You will be in charge.”
“Are you saying we’ll have sex and I’m the one deciding how?” He asked, baffled.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” she confirmed without batting an eyelid. This might have scared her a little beforehand but now that this needed to be done, she won’t falter. “This has the dual benefit of reasserting your values. You admitted fear of the violent madness inherent to Tal-Vashoth. If I put myself in your care, you’re responsible of my wellbeing which requires an acute awareness of yourself and our boundaries.”
He stared at her, a little wide-eyed and speechless.
She adjusted her hair around her slender horns, suddenly doubting herself and her analysis. “Like I said, this relies on you. If you’re unwilling to proceed for whichever reason, we’ll follow with the usual…”
“No. I’m willing.”
“In that case... I surrender myself to your care.” She bowed her head slightly, her hands firmly laid on her thighs but steady. She might be tense because of the novelty but she was in peace with her decision.
Hissrad breathed out without looking away from her. “What will be your watchword, Ashkaari?”
She tilted her head in thought. She never needed one: she never had been in this position before, but she knew all the rules and customs. Knowledge was her first duty to the Qun. “Embrium,” she decided.
“Interesting choice,” he said, holding out his hand to her.
She stood up and walked to him, laying her fingers in his palm in a light touch that contrasted with the heavy hand he put on her waist, pulling her closer until his chin rested against her stomach.
“How does an Ashkaari end up in this situation?” He mused.
“My duty is to provide ideas of improvements when I can and to put them in place when necessary.”
“And they had nothing better for you to improve?”
She raised an eyebrow. “I believe you underestimate your worth, Hissrad. From what I was told, you’re one of the most successful Ben-Hassrath agents. You must be if they kept you on Seheron for almost ten years. It’s all to your credit that you endured for so long.”
His hand closed around her fingers. “Are they trying to put me back on my feet to send me back?”
“To Seheron? Nehraa Koslun, no! Your service there has ended, Hissrad.” He sagged against her. She caressed his cheek with her free hand. “Did that worry you? Do not let this idea trouble you. You’ve done much and you still can do much for the Qun, do not doubt it, but not in Seheron.”
He lied down, pulling her in his arms as he did, and she leaned on his shoulders to avoid a nosedive that would get him smothered by her breasts (he didn’t seem bothered by the prospect).
“That’s the best thing I heard in a while.”
“You should have ask if it was troubling you so.”
“No matter how bad it was, I wasn’t looking forward to reeducation.”
She wished she could have said it wouldn’t have happened but some of the therapists were excessive in their judgements and the Ariqun was known for having little tolerance for those who questioned the duties assigned to them.
Hissrad kept her snuggled in his arms and seemed quite content to look at the ceiling, waiting… something…
“Well? Aren’t you going to do… something?” She asked, puzzled.
“What something?”
“I do not know, you’re the one in charge here, don’t you remember?”
“I do remember. Do you?”
Mouth agape, she stared without understanding. His voice was indulgent, as if he was waiting for her, which was ridiculous because she was the one waiting for him to… to…
“Oh,” she realized, “we’re playing this game.”
“Are we?”
“You’re certainly playing me,” she mumbled before relenting and resting her cheek on his shoulder, dutifully waiting for him to do things when and how he wanted to, since he was the one in charge.
Vibrations spread through her when he chuckled, it was a full-body laugh that shook her slightly. “Isn’t that the spirit? Don’t pout, Ashkaari, I’m just waiting for you to be in the right mood.”
“I am not pouting and I am ready.”
“No, you’re not. You look like an apprentice ー a cute one, don’t get me wrong, you’ve a pretty mouth, those luscious lips of yours are tempting ー prepared for his first battlefield. That’s not really the spirit of the thing.”
“Fine,” she grumbled because maybe, just maybe, he was right. She forcefully stopped herself from saying anything else and waited, closing her eyes and enjoying the rhythmic slide of his wide hands down her back.
“We’ll keep things light but is there any limits I should know about?” He asked in a deep low voice. “Anything else than no visible or permanent marks?”
She didn’t bother wondering how he knew about those limits: observing and understanding people was his speciality and it was probably obvious that she was self-conscious enough about this situation that she didn’t want it advertised. “Any breath disruption might get me to panic and I’m not comfortable with any object insertion or more than slight pain, not for now.”
“You got it.” He made them roll, careful to keep most of his weight off her. His callous hands went to her wrists and held them together above her head against the pillows. “Keep them here.”
“As you wish,” she agreed, watching through half-closed eyes.
He stared back and tilted his head in thought. “That wouldn’t work on Tamassrans.”
“You think?”
“They’re too used to being obeyed.”
Ashkaari hummed in thought. “True.” It wouldn’t be easy to develop this method. When she had first suggested it, the judgmental stares she had received had told her clearly that no-one would volunteer for such a task and that she would have to do it herself. Maybe if she educated the younger tamassrans herself...
“Hey,” Hissrad whispered in her ear. “Stay focused on me.” His hands caressed her bare arms and went down to her shoulders.
“My apologies. I am used to multitasking.”
“That brain of yours is always working, uh? Now, that’s an interesting challenge, getting you to stop thinking…” He undid the knot keeping her toga in place, the sash having been removed while she was distracted.
She smiled slowly. “Good luck with that. If you succeed, it would be a first.” Her constant review of her surroundings had been the reason she had become Ashkaari after all. Solving problems was the thing she did best, all the time, everywhere, in any occasions.
Hissrad pushed the fabric away, revealing her breasts, and smirked. “Challenge accepted.”
He failed for a very long time. She was too curious about the way he handled the situation to stop analysing his every move. He was truly one of the best Ben-Hassrath agents: it was notable in the way he was replicating the Tamassrans’ training while adjusting it to their specific situation and to her every reaction, adapting to her on the fly. He was really good.
Curiosity got the best of her. She asked: “Did you ever do something of the sort before?”
He stopped what he was doing and stared for a long time before humming. “My bad. I should have thought about this earlier.” He reached for her sash and wrapped it around her eyes, blinding her.
Ashkaari huffed.
He laughed. “Are you pouting?”
“I am not!”
He laughed harder.
She huffed again. “You’re just complicating my work, I need to assess the success of–”
Lips covered hers briefly before brushing down her chin. “It won’t work if you’re overthinking everything. All you need is the conclusion. I’ll even answer your questions at the end if you’re good.”
She hesitated. “Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Very well then,” she conceded.
“Good. No more talking if it isn’t immediately relevant to sex. It would be a shame if I had to gag you, right?”
She sighed but nodded.
After that… well… it was much harder for Ashkaari to think about anything else than his touch when she couldn’t anticipate it. Talented at reading people as he was, he quickly noticed that as long as he was touching her, moving against her, switching between his hands and his mouth, she was putty in his hands.
By the time they were spent and he removed the blindfold, she had completely lost all notion of time. She wasn’t really eager to speak either, her throat was dry.
“Challenge successful?”
She nodded, her cheek rubbing against his sweaty shoulder.
“Good,” he said smugly.
“What about the therapy?” She asked in a low voice. Yes, it had been great, awesome even, but this was purely professional, she wasn’t forgetting that.
“Well, I haven’t felt so good in ages, that’s for sure.”
She hummed. “Immediate effects exceed expectations. Long-time effects need to be evaluated. Repeated treatments probably necessary,” she summed up.
“Repeated treatments would be beneficial,” Hissrad agreed eagerly.
She patted his pectoral and nuzzled closer to his neck. “For optimal repetitions, I need answers to my questions.”
“Then, by all means, ask away.”
If they lingered in bed longer than they should have, taking their time for a debriefing while still nestled against each other, no-one else will ever hear of it.
*
Five days later, Ashkaari pushed the door of Hissrad’s room to find him sitting on the bed with his head between his hands. She waited for him to notice her presence but he didn’t move, despite the noise of the door closing behind her.
“I thought I was done with it. That was pretty stupid, uh?”
“Stupid? No. Optimistic, definitely. Although I’m flattered you think me capable of curing asala-taar with an orgasm.”
A brief bark of laughter came out of him and he straightened up somewhat. He looked more weary than previously (maybe because he was allowing her to see it?), but he was smirking. “Vashedan. I’m glad to see you. I was getting tired of the therapists and their platitudes. If I have to tell my nightmares one more time to anyone, I’ll steal their booze, I don’t care wh-”
She interrupted any unwise admissions with a light poke on his shoulder. “I won’t ask then. Tell me what you need.”
It was hard to read him sometimes but the way his face shifted told her how much those words meant to him. Without a word, he pulled her in her arms and pressed his face against her stomach. When he didn’t move nor talk for a long time, she started to pet the back of his head and his short fuzzy black hair absent-mindedly. Soon it became scratching and when she realized just how tense the back of his neck was, she rubbed it, quite determined to get him to relax. All the while, he was humming, groaning and grumbling, stroking his face against her dress like a territorial cat.
“Do you like cats?” She asked spontaneously.
“I prefer dogs,” he replied before pulling her on his lap.
“They use animals for therapy sometimes. Would you like to spend some time with a dog?”
He blinked down at her. “Beats doing nothing but training and weightlifting, I guess.”
“I’ll get you a dog,” she promised, patting his shoulder.
“A big one, to play fight with.”
“A big dog for the big warrior.”
“Damn right.”
She hid her giggles behind a hand when he straightened up and showed off his muscles playfully. That made him smirk. He pinched her hips and she squealed. He cupped her buttock with one hand and pushed up her dress with the other until he could stroke her thigh freely.
A shiver went up her spine. “Hissrad, what–”
“You said I’m in charge, right? I like to tease. It helps with feeling in control.”
She considered it, or tried to despite his very distracting touch. “Does it mean I can tease back?”
He burst into laughter and held her a little tighter. “That’s the spirit! Tease all you want, but I’m pretty sure I’ll win at this game.”
That was a given: teasing wasn’t really natural for her but indulging him seemed to put him in such a good mood that it was for a good cause… you know… for his recovery.
“Can I eat you up?”
“Uh?” Her blue eyes met his green ones in confusion.
He smirked. “You didn’t read this in your books, Ashkaari? Let me show you.”
He was really good at teasing.
*
Imekaris were so cute, Ashkaari thought as she reached a small group of eight years old following their tamassrans towards the lake, probably for their hebdomadary swimming lessons. They weren’t leaving their boarding school often and as such were eager to see new faces. They greeted a corporal with a chorus of “Shanedan, Karasten, thank your for protecting us!” and waited with bated breath. Without a word or stopping on his way, the Karasten reached for the great axe on his back and whirled it around. The children cheered with delight before sprinting to catch up with the tamassran who indulgently pretended to ignore the event.
Ashkaari chuckled when the Karasten crossed her path and she noticed his lopsided smile. How could anyone blame him? It was considered a good omen to make imekaris happy. Their laughters brightened a day.
Unfortunately for Ashkaari, it wasn’t enough to keep the stress away. Having a meeting with the Ariqun, the leader of the “Dangerous Questions” branch of the Qunari (also called the spymaster), and the head therapist of the Viddathlok tended to do that to most people, she supposed.
“The last psychological evaluation of Hissrad is positive. Symptoms of asala-taar have been decreasing steadily to a manageable situation,” the therapist explained.
“That’s good to hear, I’d have hated to lose one of our best agents,” the spymaster noted. “I understand this was thanks to you, Ashkaari?”
“The treatment obtained quite good results. Repeating it a day after each recorded outbreak seemed to give the best effects. The psychological monitoring and animal therapy done in combination heightened its effectiveness. Your psychologist included the new treatments efficiently,” Ashkaari said to the head therapist who listened with a pleased nod.
“Is this treatment generalizable?” The Ariqun asked.
“I’m afraid not,” Ashkaari admitted, “it requires a state of mind in both patient and therapist that I do not believe could be easily found. I recommend it in some specific cases only for now.”
The Ariqun pursed his lips in displeasure. “Then this was a waste of time.”
“I do not call the recovery of one of our best agents a waste of time,” the spymaster disagreed. “I’m quite pleased with this result. Well done, Ashkaari.”
“I agree. It opens new ways of handling asala-taar and that’s always good. I think we learned from this.”
Ashkaari stopped herself from beaming at the praise given, after the Ariqun’s criticism it was quite welcome. “I’d like to recommend a development of animal therapy however. Be it with cats or dogs, it seems to give very positive results. Hissrad reported that several warriors looked more open around an animal.”
“I suppose it’s better than nothing,” the Ariqun relented. “You may continue your improvement study, Ashkaari.”
Understanding this was her dismissal, she bowed her head respectfully and gladly took her leave.
Hissrad will soon be sent to new duties outside of Par Vollen. There was little chance she will ever see him again but she took pleasure in the knowledge that she had made a difference for him. She had been growing quite fond of him during these two months of therapy.