Chapter Text
[Cover art by Jolyne]
(Pretend there's an anime opening set to Naruto OP 4- FLOW "Go!!!")
“Hey you,” Argo groaned, “you’re finally awake.”
What was that- “OH FUCK NO!” She snapped into full wakefulness instantly, eyes wide and feet scrabbling. Then snapped her eyes shut and flopped back onto the… is this a beach? One blink. Two. The person in front of her… “Oh thank fuck you’re a Pokémon.”
The Gothorita blinked. “What else would I be?” There was a slight pause before she shook her head. “Nevermind, are you all alright?”
“Us all…” Argo turned her head to the side. Her gaze swept across the… it was a beach. Huh. Anyway, there were… five? No, four others splayed out on the sand. “Well. This is going to be a thing.” She looked down at herself. Yellow fur greeted her. “Fuck, I don’t have hands.”
“Hands?” A blue snake curled around, touching the tip of her tail to her round snout. She wiggled around, shifting the sand around her and not moving an inch. “Huh. That usually works in my dreams.”
“You poor bitch. Do you really dream about being a worm?” No, Argo would not love you if you were a worm. Lamest Bee Movie sequel ever.
The worm blinked rapidly. “Only when I doom-scroll before bed.” She curled up half her tail—body?—and did her best to sit on the beach. “Why? Is that weird?”
“Fuck, last time I… Wait! This isn’t my home!” Argo snapped her attention to the side. A Vulpix… well sorta gently fell onto the sand? Did they jump? “Why do I lack hands? Actually, why am I red?” They blinked at their paws a few times. Then looked up and slowly panned their head around the beach. Likely that look on their face was shared by most of the group. That inevitable eternal question- what the fuck just happened?
How the fuck does four legs work? “Maybe? I dunno how dreaming works.” Just… flex? Move? Something. Damnit. Just do it? Her paw pressed against the sand.
“Dreams are weird.” The noodle nodded. “Hey, is this a dream? I don’t think I’ve dreamed about being a Pokémon before.”
“If this is a dream, I wouldn't be on a fucking beach. I'd be uh… I don't know, just not on a beach!” The vaguely mammalian ‘Mon shook off dust and sand as best he could. With a great roar, and definitely not a pathetic wheeze, the Cyndaquil used his snoot to push himself…Right onto his ass.
The final figure, a Buneary who had been laying face down in the sand so far, rolled over and blinked sand out of their eyes. Said eyes wandered to his company, then to his tiny paws. “What… the hell did I drink last night, and did it involve a witch?”
“Mmmaybe!” Argo… somewhat got onto her feet. “Sound off- whose not dead?”
“I'm half dead? Do I count?” The Vulpix snarked even as he struggled to stand and fell sideways. “How do legs work anyways?”
“Here, fighting sand.” growled the Cyndaquil, shaking his head and firing off a few bursts of desperate fire.
“Here!” cheered the Dratini with a little wiggle of her body.
“Here, wishing I were dead.” The Buneary grumbled, sand still in his face.
“Here…” The Gothorita waved a little as Argo focused on her again. “I’m Wednesday. Why are you all here? I came across you all lying on the ground sleeping… was it a picnic?”
“Nope.” Considering the usual assumptions in this sort of situation. “Probably a truck.”
The other ‘mon tilted her head. “What’s a truck?”
“The universe’s kindest predator.” Well… kinda. You still actually die in your home world, right? Pretty sure how that works.
“I could actually go for a picnic.” Vulpix said, taking nervous and tentative steps towards the rest of the group. “But uh, I suppose I should introduce myself. You guys can call me Gin.”
“So where’s Tonic?” Argo huffed. Her ears swivelled and wasn’t that a weird fucking feeling what the fuck. “Argo.”
“Argo?” Dratini tried to squint, but ended up doing a full blink instead. Regardless, she leaned forward toward Argo. “Isn’t that more of a cat’s name?”
“Maybe a rat, but a cat is fine too.” Wait. Wait! THAT'S HOW YOU STAND! YES! “Yes! First step done.”
The Buneary finally managed to sweep the sand from his face and rose up with a sarcastic clap. “Congratulations, now you get to do that for the rest of your life. I’m Nix.”
“So does anyone know where we are?” Gin asked, sighing a breath of relief after not falling on his ass for a minute.
“You’re currently on the beach.” Wednesday blanched a bit as Argo stared at her. “Ah… I mean! You’re on the beach a bit away from Summerleaf town, past the ruins.”
“That explains nothing.” Except nouns. Which are important, but currently unhelpful.
“There isn’t much more to say.” Wednesday placed her fists on her hips and leaned forward. “What do you all remember last, anyway? You don’t have the marks, but you’re not wild. So something is definitely weird here.”
“Drinking, getting to my place, funny smell…” Vulpix muttered as he tried to remember the last few hours of his life. His brow furrowed as if trying to will the memories into existence.
Dratini tapped her tail against the rest of her tail. “Nothing out of the ordinary. Just reading and then sleeping.” She raised her tail and looked back at the small coil she made of herself. “Missing four limbs, but it doesn’t feel strange at all.”
Tenaz dug his nubby little limbs into the stand to try and push himself up onto his feet, failing miserably. "I was...At the gym? I think? I remember feeling sweaty and tired, at least."
“I remember drinking something stout as all get out, but from there it fizzles out. Also, Marks ?” Nix murmured, half bouncing and half waddling to Wednesday.
“The marks that indicate… well.” Her eyes furrowed. “I’m not sure? Everyone I know back in town has them. Or from out of town. Mom told me that they said a ‘mon was trustworthy… They’re something visible and unique, usually. Like this.” She pointed to a white stripe in her… is that actually hair or something else?
Argo frowned. “That sounds… concerning.”
“So ferals don't have marks? That's odd…” Gin hummed while staring at the mark on Wednesday.
“Oh, feral. You shouldn’t say that at all! It’s… a terrible thing!” Wednesday’s words ripped at the sand around her, just a bit. Sand fell down onto her as she visibly collected herself. “Ah, excuse me. That isn’t how a Gothorita should act. Hm. Well… it isn’t that those without marks are… feral. Simply… disinclined to work with anyone. If you wish to speak with them there will be a fight- not a battle. Death… isn’t something they’re concerned with avoiding.”
“Loveleh.” Argo twisted her neck, locking herself into an extended stretch for a moment. “That in mind… maybe we should resume this conversation not here.”
“Oh, but what about the last of your group?” Wednesday held one hand up to her mouth as her eyes scanned the beach. “I thought there was a Ralts with you.”
Dratini twisted around, looking around the beach. “No Ralts in sight. Maybe they ran?”
Gin sniffed the air for a moment before adding, “Can't smell anything either so if they left must've been before we woke up.”
“There’s an indent in the sand here. Not a dog-cat, not a fox, and not a worm.” Nix pointed out, kicking up dust at said impression. “No trail.”
“Ralts probably teleported. That's what they do.” Really annoying. “Without any way to figure out which way or how far… not like we could find them.”
Wednesday lifted one hand. “Ah, I could track the Teleport.” The hand slowly went down as Argo stared at her. “Maybe I could have done that sooner…”
“Probably, yeah.” Gin chipped in, “However that probably would've meant leaving our unconscious bodies alone, and given that there might be some… disagreeable Pokémon around, it's good that you stayed. So thank you for sticking around.”
“Oh, I do like to serve.” She curtsied. “If you are all ready, your companion is… this way.”
“Hold on.” Dratini flopped her tail onto the sand and wiggled it around. When that just shifted grains around, she lowered more of her body to the ground and squirmed with her entire body. She didn’t go exceptionally fast, but she moved closer to Wednesday at least. “Okay. I’m good to go.”
“Is everyone else ready?” Wednesday waited a moment. “Please follow me.” She turned and walked into the woods, visibly with purpose.
“Right, tally-ho and all that.” Just put one leg and… walking works! Success. Now to immediately go to attempting moves. Because that's the natural progression, right? Walk, then use super powered (but not Superpower) abilities that are capable of reshaping the natural landscape. Argo’s brows furrowed as she focused on herself.
“Hey guys? How…How the fuck do I walk? Also, hi, Tenaz, pleasure to be stuck in Hell with all of you how the fuck do I walk ?” Tenaz grew increasingly exasperated, complete with twitching nose and eyes and petulantly kicking feetsies. Plus random flares of fire from the Cyndaquil’s back. Looked a little like a toddler. Just twice as… everything. Pathetic and cute and probably a few other adjectives.
“Just kinda do it. I’m not a physical therapist, but making like that one actual cannibal seemed to work fine.” Argo shrugged- how the fuck did that work?
“I wish I could help you there but I'm trying to not fall over myself.” Gin added as he stumbled slightly before he caught himself. “Stupid sand, getting everywhere and being a shitty soil.”
“Oh! You’re a Cyndaquil!” Dratini slithered over. “You can just walk on all fours like Argo. Or you can waddle around, but the balance might be tricky with your, uh, head.” Doing her best to gesture toward Tenaz, Dratini nudged her head toward him.
“Try waddling with your center mass, like walking a chair. It’ll look awkward, but it’s better than being stuck in place.” Nix stated as he walk-bounced by.
With a growl and righteous (spiteful) fury, Tenaz leaned forward and rolled for two and a half rotations before slowly toppling onto his side. “...I despise every single moment of my existence. You! Dratini! Help me, please and thank you in advance!”
“How do you want me to help you?” The worm of a pokémon tilted her head. “Do you want to ride on my back or something?”
“No! Never! Just… I dunno, put me right side up? Maybe help me balance myself so I don't topple over like a shitty game of Jenga?”
“Sure?” Dratini slithered over and dug her head underneath Tenaz’s head, pushing the Cyndaquil back on his feet. “I guess you can waddle with a hand on my back. That should help a tiny bit.” Circling her rather long body around Tenaz, she shook her head to rid herself of sand.
Whilst everyone was getting their bearings and Wednesday was waiting on them to continue on, there was a sudden shrill scream off in the distance… along with a plume of shimmering fire rising just barely above the treetops.
“I'm guessing that's not normal?” Gin asked nervously, his eyes narrowed as he glanced in the direction of the fire.
“Last I checked, trees don’t explode. Well, not with that kind of fire.” Nix murmured, one of his ears rolling down as his nerves rose.
“Welp.” Huh. That fire felt… interesting to see. Heat burned at the core and wafted up through Argo’s body. All the way to… her ears? Huh. Whatever. It feels… restless. As did… something else? Sideways to the fire. Or should it be called Fire? Whatever. “Letsa goo!” Walk then run! Onward!
“Definitely not normal. That’s Mystical Fire!” Wednesday… hiked up her skirt and ran, staying just ahead of Argo.
Gin smiled, feeling adrenaline as the word fire was uttered and began to run, not gracefully, but steady enough to catch up.
Dratini did her best to measure her pace for Tenaz. A slightly difficult task in a new body, but she just had to control the wiggles. Control the urge to wiggle. Control the wiggle.
As the ragtag group of stumbling pokemon and one harried looking Gothorita continued through the forest as fast as they could possibly go currently, the sounds of a battle became louder and clearer up ahead. Coupled with the shrill screaming of what sounded like a very angry baby were the loud growls, yips, barks, and yelps of what sounded like multiple canine pokemon- in this case, Poochyena, as seemed to be evidenced by the bloodied rear half of one sticking out of a tree trunk. As they neared the center of the combat, they found a few other bloodied and battered Poochyena, four of them in total, five counting the mess not far away from the somewhat rocky clearing they were in. All of them seemed to have been severely burned in some way- one was charred all over, another was charred entirely around the face, while the third and fourth were almost entirely unscathed save that they were unconscious. The perpetrator of the entire thing was entirely missing… up until a screaming, sobbing, panicked Ralts teleported out of nowhere and scrambled to the side right before a sixth Poochyena fell out of the sky and hit the ground in a way reminiscent of someone dropping a watermelon on pavement.
“Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Who are you! Who the fuck are you!?” the possibly psychotic Ralts cried out, picking up a rock from the ground and glaring at everyone else. “Are you with them!? Don’t come any closer! I have a fistful of rocks, a head full of nightmares, and I know how to telefrag these into people now!”
Wednesday, quietly, swore under her breath and took a step back. “Dear gods, how did a Ralts learn what telefragging is!?”
“By playing DOOM?” Gin suggested before coughing, “Hi! My name is Gin and we are definitely not with the Poochyenas. We kinda just woke up and are now here! So what's your name?”
“DOOM had telefragging?” Thought that was something else that actually introduced that. Eh, whatever. Wait… could you play DOOM with Pokemon moves? Or like… on a Rotom? “Argo. We mean you no harm and all that.” Should she smack one of the Poochyena or would that not help?
“ What the Fuck is a Telefrag. ” Nix hummed, his other ear curling unconsciously. A stress response, it appears.
“You know how you teleport a thing? Make it go from one place to the other without crossing the intervening distance?” Well, depending on the type of teleport. “Do that, but the end is inside of something else. It gets… messy. Efficient though.” Plus anything of any importance probably has some form of defense against that. Huh. Probably should work on that soonish.
The buneary turned so pale his fur practically turned white, balking at the explanation.
“Weaponized teleportation. There. Easy explanation. No need for exposition because in case everyone forgot the surrounding area is littered with hostiles . I say we convince the Killamanjaro streak over there to come with us and bail somewhere safer.” Tenaz rolled his eyes, gesturing a nub at the Ralts.
“Oh good… it’s one of those kinds of situations,” the Ralts mumbled, slowly picking herself off of the ground and brushing herself off with a hiccup and a sigh that almost sounded more like a sob. “My name’s Sapphire… I woke up… right there-ish… and… I think that’s all the Poochyena in this area… I hope… My head hurts… teleported too much…” As she finally got a grip on herself, it became apparent now that she was definitely a Shiny of her kind. Just… also covered in blood.
“Do you want a ride to” —Dratini looked over to Wednesday— “Where are we going again?”
“It would be best to head to my place- in Summerleaf.” She smiled. “I can give you rooms for some time. It has… been a while since the hotel was of any use. Ever since things started getting colder there have been less travellers.”
“Cool. Summerleaf then.” Dratini bobbed her head, logging that information into the vast emptiness between her eyes. “You can ride on my back if you want. I think that’ll be the smoothest ride unless Wednesday can lift you with telekinesis or something.”
Gin nodded and mentioned, “Sorry to hear about that Miss Wednesday. I'll take a room and… I'll pay you back for this generosity, as soon as possible. I promise.”
Tenaz snorted, shaking his head. “Six rooms? Free of charge? Not a chance. I'm not taking charity at such a loss. Once I figure out running, I'm asking around to help pay back the generosity. I don't do debts .”
Nix gave the cyndaquil a soft bap to the side. “You can worry about paying it back when you can actually pay. Right now we’re a few dimes short of a dollar.”
“It’s only natural to help those in need. With you all seemingly so… lost… well I’d never be able to look myself in the mirror if I didn’t help.” She definitely stabs people, doesn’t she? It’d fit with the name at least. She curtsied. “Please, accompany me. I know a way without any obstacles. Or… living obstacles at any rate.”
“Right. Best to go.” Argo crunched down on a stick… when the fuck did that get there?
…
Tasted good at least. Nomnomnom…
“... Fine. But if I get attacked again I’m going to set everything on fire. And probably throw up,” Sapphire groused, deciding to go along with the group before shuddering a little and rubbing her arms. “... Mm… chilly…”