Chapter Text
It was cold out.
But Miyuki expected that for the beginning of January.
The small breeze whipped at his cheeks as he walked under the bright moonlight. The wind was so cold that it felt as if it were stinging his face. He pushed his hands deeper into the pockets in an attempt to warm the tips of his fingers and shook his head to get his hood to fall down further so that it would cover his ears.
It was cold out. And it was late. It was probably nearing 11:15 at night, perhaps even later. But there was something about the night that made him feel calm. His thoughts were smooth as he walked even with the material of his denim jeans freezing against his legs.
It did him some good to get out into the cold to clear his head. He had been cooped up in his room all day finishing up packing and the restlessness was beginning to get to him. After a few hours of packing, he walked outside to toss the baseball around for a few minutes before he put it away and started walking.
He paused once he reached his destination. Miyuki stared up at the house that was all too familiar to him. He spent quite a time at this house. Granted, he spent a lot more time there as child. Still, it had become a second home to him.
Miyuki's eyes squinted as he stared up at the house. It was dark, and the lights were turned off in all rooms except for one. A dim light poked through the curtain, seemingly twinkling at him. Miyuki smirked and stepped closer, letting out a deep breath before he climbed up the side. He shimmed onto the roof once he pulled himself up and knocked on the window that glowed with the dim light.
A second or so went by before the curtains pulled open. Hana, his best friend, gasped once she saw him and pressed a hand to her heart.
"Kazuya? What the hell?" She questioned as she pulled the window open. "What are you doing here? It's late."
"You weren't answering," He said, climbing inside the sill and stepping onto the floor.
He sucked in a breath and breathed out once he stepped inside her room. The bed creaked beneath his weight. Hana sauntered over to the faded black laundry basket and continued to sort through her clothes, folding them neatly in placing them in her bag.
"I'm busy packing."
"Y'know, for a manager, that's a little irresponsible to be packing the night before."
She turned around to look at him and lifted an eyebrow, "Says the starting catcher who just climbed through my window."
"Hey, now," He lifted his hands in defense. "I had a good reason. Like I said, you weren't answering your phone. What if you were in trouble?"
Miyuki heard a soft chuckle as she sat on the ground and continued to fold. "What did you need?"
"I was bored."
He waited long enough before deciding to come over to her house. He had called her phone twice while he tossed around the baseball in a desperate hope that she would come save him from boredom. He had no other choice but to stop by her house. "I did coming baring gifts."
Hana glanced up at him from where she was sitting on the floor. Miyuki stretched out his hand and pushed a paper bag toward her. Hana was hesitant to reach for it, but she eventually leaned forward on her knees to grab it.
"You could've just knocked at the front door. Or, I don't know, use the key I gave you."
"That's for emergencies... And I would have, but your light was on. I figured it would be better if I surprised you."
"That you did." She smiled softly at him.
Her eyes softened and his heart fluttered at the sight. Miyuki sighed, leaning back against her bed. It creaked as he moved. His fingers trailed and grabbed at the soft white material of her linen. It smelled like strawberries. It smelled like her.
And, Miyuki supposed, that was both a blessing and a curse for him. A blessing, because he loved the way that she smelled. It was soft and gentle, never too overbearing to where it irritated him. It was even a bit nostalgic. The scent was something that screamed out it was Her.
It was a curse, because, well, it just served as a reminder for what he knew to be a fact; That he'd been in love with her since he was five years old.
It was nothing short of cliche, he knew that. There were a myriad of reasons as to why it was a bad idea and he knew that too. But he couldn't help how he felt.
He couldn't remember exactly how it happened. But he could remember the first time that he met her. She had been tiny and just a smidge taller than he was. Her hair was fixed into two braids with bows donning the ends and she had the brightest smile he'd ever seen. She was loud and completely obnoxious as she asked him to play baseball with her, but that didn't stop him from agreeing.
Miyuki didn't know who she was then but it was easy to gather that she was the new neighbor who moved in a few houses down based on her mannerisms. They were unlike anyone else's he'd known and it was quite clear that she wasn't from Japan.
Her Japanese was good, if not the slightest bit shaky and hesitant, but it was nothing that wouldn't improve with time. She was kind as she asked, and despite her being loud, he could tell that she was nervous.
What pulled him in wasn't the fact that she was nervous. It had been her eyes. They were bright and eager, passionate and warm. He couldn't help but to give in to her and say yes.
Miyuki could never pinpoint any particular moment as to when he fell for her, but he always knew that it was a feeling that had just always been there. Every moment that he thought back on, like showing her how to cook, playing baseball, or talking for hours seemed to just contribute to all the reasons on why he loved her.
Perhaps it was at the beginning of their friendship and things continued to blossom from there. Maybe things had been planted then and it continued to grow.
Before she came along, he had been lonely. His mother had just passed a few months before she moved in. And maybe that had been the reason on why they took to each other so quickly, as Hana had lost her dad as well.
She had been quick to intrude into his life. Hana quickly became a part of his daily routine and he came to appreciate her presence. She was always there for him when he needed it. She was there through the tough nights of grief when the tears wouldn't stop flowing and it felt like he couldn't breathe. Her warm hands would grasp at his cheeks and wipe his tears away as she sat with him for hours.
They'd play together for hours on end and talk to each other for even longer. She became something special before he could really acknowledge it. But it hadn't been something he disliked. He was lucky in that aspect, to have someone as good as her in his life.
Their friendship had taught him about trust. It started through baseball with their shared battery. She had been his first pitcher, and he had been her first catcher. An unspeakable bond started then and it only exceeded that as the months turned to years. He saw how art could be born through trust, through communication. He saw how it could go further even without baseball.
Miyuki breathed shakily and turned his head to the side. The soft material of her blanket rubbed against his cheek with the faint strawberry scent surrounding him.
"It's too early for pre-season jitters." Hana said.
He listened as she dug around in the bag of treats. Miyuki closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm not anxious, I'm bored."
A shuffling sound reached his ears, then Miyuki felt the bed sink beside him. He cracked an eye open and briefly looked at her sitting on top of the bed.
"You can stay the night if you want." She said.
"Oh? Was that supposed to be an invite?"
Hana hummed softly and he opened his eyes to fully look at her. She pulled her legs up to her chest and leaned rested her chin atop of her knees.
"Sort of," She said to him. "It's late... you can just spend the rest of the night here."
"Mm," Kazuya started, pretending to think about it. He hadn't planned on spending the night but he didn't want to walk back home in the cold. "If you insist."
"I should get ready for bed."
He looked at her and then toward her closed bedroom door. "Does your mom know I'm here?"
"Probably not. Why? Scared?" She questioned with a teasing tone.
He couldn't remember the last time he stayed over her house without him sneaking inside her window. Staying in her room had become a force of habit.
"She'd kill me if she saw me."
"Then you should be quiet," She said, giggling. "Besides, I sleepover at your place all the time."
"That's different." He insisted.
She looked at him questioningly but Miyuki shook his head. He didn't want to have to explain exactly why it was different. He was sure her mother didn't know that she was sleeping in his room, and she definitely didn't know that Hana had been sleeping in his bed. Her mother trusted her enough, granted she had to as she worked most of the time during their childhood. Toku-San was different. He had the talk with him years ago once he noticed the tension between he and Hana. Toku-San, however, trusted him. He supposed now that there wasn't much that either of them could say now, anyway, Kazuya and Hana didn't even live there at the moment.
Hana stood up from the bed and he sat up in his spot to look at her. She was already wearing pajamas. She wore a pair of fuzzy pink pants with hearts strewn all over them and a long sleeved shirt. How adorable.
"I'll be right back, just give me a second, okay?"
"Oh, great. That'll be nothing short of a half an hour." He smiled widely.
She clicked her teeth and rolled her eyes as she grabbed a small bag from her Seidou duffel. He watched her as she left the room, the door almost coming to a close before it opened up just slightly. She stuck her head in through the crack.
"It'll be ten minutes at most," She told him. "You're such an ass, Kazuya, you know I don't take that long to get ready either!"
She teasingly blew a kiss at him and then back away. The door clicked softly into place. Miyuki bit at his lip. It felt as if his heart started jumping around and erratically pounding against his chest. His breath hitched in his throat as he sat forward and rested his elbows on his knees.
Damn, that feeling hardly ever went away. Miyuki was usually able to keep himself contained when it came to her, but it wasn't exactly an easy feat. Especially when the attraction you had for your best friend soared through the roof.
He'd grown used to it — the feeling. It was jarring for him because things weren't always this way. Attraction and experiencing the feeling of desire wasn't something he was familiar with, at least, it wasn't at the beginning. He'd thought she was beautiful when they were kids, of course. He would've been stupid to not think so. But beauty wasn't something he judged when it came to character. It was essentially irrelevant to him.
Hana had about a million other attributes that he admired; like her love for baseball and how kind she was, or how she seemed so intelligent and beyond her years. It was the qualities that made her who she was, and he thought that in particular made her truly beautiful.
Miyuki still believed that. But he'd grown to appreciate other things about her, too. And it wasn't until he hit puberty that he realized that. He saw things that he hadn't seen before. It seemed as if he woke up one day and realized that he towered over her instead of her always having a bit of an inch on him. The way that he looked at her was in a way that wasn't bordering on platonic. Miyuki had found himself drawn to her, and he wondered how the hell he hadn't noticed how her lashes framed her beautiful bright eyes, or how he never noticed the curves of her legs and the fullness of her chest.
It was a bit of a mind-fuck, and it threw him through a loop for a good week. After about a week, he'd gotten his shit together. It only took her asking him where the hell his head was before he snapped back to normal. Or, as normal as one could be being in love with their best friend.
It didn't bother him now. Not as much as it did when he was younger, anyway. His feelings were complex, and he knew that. There was no need to complicate them any further by trying to placate them. He just let it be.
Miyuki stood from the bed and peeled his hoodie off. The room was warm and he was getting hot with it on. It was a complete contrast to how cold the air felt outside.
He carefully folded it and then neatly placed it on her desk chair. He leaned against her desk and glanced around her room. It had been a while since he stepped foot inside. It didn't look all that different. It was a bit sentimental seeing her trinkets and belongings basically untouched.
Pens were sprawled across the desk, notebooks were neatly stacked in the corner. There was a stray baseball sitting on top of her desk and next to it was her glove. It was broken into perfection. The black and purple colors were still vibrant and it still looked like new. Miyuki knew otherwise, though. She used that glove for years.
Miyuki twitched but didn't move to touch it, instead, he could only stare at it. It had been a while since Hana quit baseball, a few good years at least but it still stings.
She'd been his first pitcher and that meant everything.
He looked up at the door as the handle jingleg and turned but he didn't move from the desk.
"Ten minutes, just like I said!" She said. Her eyes trailed over his form and then toward the desk where the glove was sitting. "Oh, I meant to put that away."
"Were you playing baseball without me?" He questioned teasingly.
Miyuki crossed his arms as she stepped toward him. Hana grabbed it in her hands, then put it in the top drawer of her dresser.
"I came across it when I was going through my things. It's still in good shape, but I've got to clean it up a bit."
"Cleaning a glove you don't plan on using? Wouldn't that be a waste of time?" He sang.
Hana shrugged and sat back on the bed. He climbed in and sat next to her.
"It feels weird being a baseball manager with my glove being in bad shape."
She hummed softly and leaned back in the bed, pulling her legs under the covers as she did so. Miyuki grabbed the stray blanket she kept at the bottom of the bed and laid on his back. It was still so warm in the room.
"Don't you miss it?" He questioned.
Fuck, he missed it for her. He missed watching her pitch with everything she had. He missed how she looked on the mound. He missed the way she always wore her hair in a bun and how the stray pieces of hair fell from it and framed her face. Most of all, he missed their battery. They still played together after she quit, but now she hardly ever even threw the ball around.
She'd given up. He never questioned why. Miyuki figured that she would eventually tell him when she was ready. But she hadn't so far.
"It's not like baseball is out of my life. I'm still involved," Her voice was slightly strained as she said it. She shifted underneath the blanket uncomfortably. "Being a manager keeps me busy. You keep me busy. It's a good feeling to see you out there behind the plate. You're an amazing catcher."
His stomach tightened into a knot at her words and his eyes drifted off elsewhere.
"It'd be nice seeing you on the mound again. The team would probably lose their minds." He chuckled. It was an attempt to change the subject. Compliments made him feel... strange.
"Coach first, then Rei-San definitely." Hana laughed.
She reached up to turn off the lamp light before settling deeper underneath the covers. Darkness filled the room but he could still make out her face as the moonlight beamed inside the window and onto her face.
"We'll be back on campus tomorrow." She mumbled. "And first year will be over soon."
"Yeah, soon."
It felt like just yesterday that he and Toku-San parted at the train station with the promise of doing his best. As Miyuki thought back on it, he realized that he had been such a different person then. Now, he knew what a loss felt like and it sharpened his mind for the future. There was so much he wanted to learn, so much more he wanted to experience with baseball.
"What are your plans for second year?" She asked him.
He chuckled at that. Because what else could he want other than going to Nationals? She probably already knew that. So, he said instead, "First year isn't even over yet and you're already thinking about second year? You're always so ambitious, I like it."
She laughed and readjusted in the bed. "The stakes are higher when you're in your second year."
"Yeah," Miyuki sighed, running a hand through his hair absentmindedly. "More pitchers to lead, more scouts watching the game."
"I'm sure you won't have any trouble with that. You're always up for the challenge."
Miyuki snorted and reached out to pinch at her cheeks. "You know me so well, Hanacchi."
"I'm excited to see the new pitchers."
"They'll all probably be egoists." He turned to her. She was already looking at him. "What about you, Hanacchi? What are your plans?"
She yawned and smiled lazily at him. "I wanna help the team get to Nationals, of course. And help out more as a manager."
"You're already a good manager, though. You're always helping everyone out."
"I want to be a better one." She said.
He lifted an eyebrow. "Oh? Trying to impress someone?"
She snorted and shook her head. "Shut up, Kazuya."
It was quiet for a second as they sat there looking at each other in the dark. She was close to falling asleep. Good, he had always been the last one awake.
"We should get some sleep." He murmured.
"Yeah..." She said slowly, her voice filled with sleepiness. "We should."
She blinked slowly and it looked like she was close to falling asleep. Her eyes were still so bright and warm that he couldn't help but to stare into them. He had always liked her eyes. Even when they were stupid kids. They always filled him with warmth and it felt like he could get lost in them. There was so much to see, so much he wanted to know from her eyes.
"Goodnight," He said.
"Night," She muttered, her eyes closing.
Miyuki lied on his side for a while before he turned over and stared up at the ceiling. The bed was small but it was a comfortable feeling having her beside him. He listened to the tiny breaths coming from her that let him know that she'd fallen asleep.
As he closed his eyes, the soft smell of Strawberries filled his nose. He smiled at that, and the warmth from her soft blanket and her body heat lulled him to sleep. Beggars couldn't be choosers, after all.
-
Miyuki woke up early the next morning.
The room was still dark as he placed his glasses on and adjusted his focus. Hana slept beside him, still sound asleep and lost inside a deep slumber. He watched as her chest rose and fell with each gentle breath for a few minutes before he carefully pulled the blanket off of him and crawled over her sleeping form. Hana stirred, then muttered a faint noise. Miyuki paused and waiting to see if she would wake up, but she only pulled the blanket up higher over herself and moved deeper in the bed.
Miyuki walked quietly toward her desk chair and tugged his hoodie on. He reached for his sneakers that were neatly lined up below the window. As he pulled them on, he spotted a pink bottle in the corner of his eye. He turned and grabbed it from the top of her dresser to get a better look at it. Farewell to Spring, Strawberry scented 24 Hour moisturizing body lotion. He unscrewed the top and sniffed it. The scent made his cheeks redden. How familiar. Miyuki carefully set it back down and shuffled to the window.
Getting out of the window was a lot easier than it was climbing in it. The early morning air surprised him as it nipped at his cheeks once he stepped outside. It was freezing out. His hoodie was the only thing providing him with a sense of warmth, save for the slightest sliver of the rising sun.
Miyuki started walking in the direction of his house before he stopped and reached for his phone. He quickly searched for Hana's thread and typed a quick message to her,
'Text me when you wake up'
He stares at the lone text before adding,
'Let's meet back up at your place'
He read it over twice more before deciding that was good enough and started to jog back to his house. It had been the most normal he felt since he returned home for break. As much as a pain it was, getting up early and running at the ass-crack of dawn was his sense of normalcy. The only thing that was missing was Hana. She'd always be there on the field bundled in her manager's jacket smiling at him through a yawn and waving.
Almost a year of being at Seidou and so much has already changed. He knew that things would be different the minute he parted ways with Toku-San and stepped onto the train. He had changed, his life was forever different. All of the experiences that he'd gone through so far already began to shape him.
Coming home after being away for so long felt strange. He didn't think that it was good or bad. Returning to a place that you were a part of and seeing that life continued moving without you was intriguing. Some things changed like the kids who lived down the street moving, or the bakery that used to sell Hana's favorite cake shutting down. Some things were exactly the same, almost as if he was stepping into a time capsule of some sort.
Childhood memories consumed him as he approached the factory and stopped at the entrance. Miyuki supposed that is hadn't changed much, though: stopping and staring in to look for his dad. He remembered sneaking by with Hana so that they could play baseball or looking in to make sure that he was where he left him. There was a difference, however. He felt different. He was different. But as he stood there and stared, he felt a greater appreciation for his early life. Everything hit him all at once; the things that he used to do, the person he used to be, and the person that he was becoming.
It was surreal.
"Kazuya!" One of the employees called out. He was tall and scruffy. But Miyuki remembered him from his childhood. "You heading back to Seidou today?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good luck. Take it to Nationals!" He chuckled. "We'll be watching."
"You got it." Miyuki nodded, waving.
He glimpsed in again. Toku-San wasn't there. Miyuki walked up the steps to their apartment but it was as quiet inside as it was outside.
"Dad?" He called out as he roamed through the house.
The water splashed in the bathroom and the vent was running. It was unusual for Toku-San to take the day off. Perhaps he wanted to see him off this time too.
Miyuki tugged at the collar of his hoodie and pushed the door to his room open. His bag sat in the middle of the floor. He didn't bring much for the trip. They were only gone for three days.
Miyuki washed up and changed out of his clothes quickly, throwing on a clean pair. An old pair of jeans for the train ride and a black hoodie. He backtracked on his way out of his room and grabbed a jacket from his bag. The weather was cold today.
Toku-San had still been making noises inside the bathroom as he padded out so he stood around waiting for him. He really should have been eating breakfast, but he wasn't hungry. He'd eat something quick on the way there. He glanced toward the corner of the living room before focusing his eyes on the floor. He flipped open his phone but there were no messages. It was still early, Hana probably wasn't up yet.
Sighing, Miyuki looked over at the corner again. The familiar photo made his heart drop. Fresh flowers decorated the sides. Mom's shrine. He looked in the direction of the bathroom and then at the shrine before kneeling in front.
For a while, he didn't say anything. Actually, he couldn't say anything because he wasn't sure what to say. Should he even say anything at all?
He stared at the photo of her in silence. It's was a solo photo taken of her right after she graduated college. There was a little bit of sun shining in the photo and her eyes crinkled from her laughing. The chestnut color hair that he got from her swayed in the wind. It was stuck in time.
"Hey, mom." He said.
He didn't expect a reply back. Her picture looked at him and he swallowed thickly. His heart sped up and his hands were clammed with sweat. He didn't cry, but the feeling was there. It always was when he came here.
"We didn't make it to Nationals this year. But... I'm kinda excited, y'know? For the new season... It's still a few months from now but second year will be starting. I'll actually be an upperclassman." He chuckled. "It's fun being a starter. And Hana's a really good manager. Great, actually.
Miyuki paused. "I'll be going back soon. So, try to watch over Dad."
He rose from his seat just as the door to the bathroom opened. He looked up at Toku-San when he walked up.
"Oh, I didn't know you were awake already. Morning, Kazuya."
"Morning," Miyuki said. "I thought you'd be at work."
"I was there a little earlier to get the guys started. I'll probably head back down once you've gone."
"You've been working too much, Dad. You need a break." Miyuki pointed out.
Toku-San laughed and sat at the table. He sipped from a cup of coffee -- black, just how they both liked it. "I'll remember to take a break."
"You should really take a week off to just relax."
"Yes, yes. I will when I find the time."
That likely meant that he wouldn't.
Sighing, Miyuki pointed to the fridge. "Hana and I made you a week's worth of food and there's more in the freezer. Remember to eat, Dad, or you'll get sick at work."
"You don't have to worry about me. I'll be fine." Toku-San waved his hand. "Focus on baseball, alright?"
"I will. I am."
"Good. That's all you should be worrying about."
"I'm worrying about you because you aren't taking a day to rest," Miyuki said.
"Working keeps me busy. I get restless being in the house."
Or rather, being at home probably reminded him of Mom. Losing your partner so early seemed traumatic. One day she's here and you have a family, the next you're coming home looking at that empty bed you used to share thinking of how you'll raise your son. Miyuki understood it. He never judged Toku-San for being any other way.
"Alright," Miyuki said.
"The visit was so short but I bet you're excited to be going back," Toku-San said.
Miyuki was a little unsettled at the thought of leaving Toku-San alone again for so long. But he had to believe him when he told him that he would be okay. Seidou was partly for him, too. After all the hard work, he hoped that someday he'd be able to care for Toku-San like how he cared for him. Miyuki was adamant that it would be through baseball, someway or somehow. He was set on it.
"Yeah, I am. I've got a lot to do before the season starts back up again. My pitcher's injured, the new recruits will be coming soon. It's a lot. but nothing I can't handle."
Toku-San laughed, shaking his head. "Sometimes," he paused and looked away. His eyes glazed over. "Sometimes you remind me so much of your mother."
"Oh," Miyuki said.
Surprising, Miyuki thought. They never talked about her. Mom was a sore topic. Occasionally, they'd speak about her briefly but that was as far as it went. He didn't know much about her outside of her being his mother. He couldn't remember that far back.
"Is that a bad thing?"
"No, no. Not at all." Toku-San said. "It's a good thing. Keep working hard, she'd be proud of you."
"Right, I will."
They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments before a knock sounded on the door. Miyuki looked up and over at Toku-San.
"Is that Hana-Chan already?" Toku-San asked.
Miyuki shrugged as he stood to open it. Hana stood on the other side with her bag at her feet. She smiled at him and waved at Toku-San. Miyuki checked his phone, still no messages from her, and then raised an eyebrow.
"I said we'd meet at yours."
"I read it, but I was getting bored waiting around so I just headed over."
Miyuki grabbed her bag and stepped aside to let her in. "Did you eat? We have bananas on the table."
"I had a little something," she turned to Toku-San and greeted him good morning.
"A little something? How can you watch over everyone else and not yourself, baka?" Miyuki questioned, more so to himself. Hana glanced at Toku-San and winks. Miyuki ignored it. He was used to their inside jokes with him as the topic. He peeled a banana and pushed it into her hands.
"Do you have everything? Let's do a once over before we head out." Hana said.
"I already did. Why would I do it again?"
"What if you're missing something?"
"Ohh, you're right. I forgot to pack you in my bag."
"Very funny, Kazuya." She sat across from Toku-San at the table eating the banana.
Miyuki dropped her bag on the floor. "We can head the train in about half an hour."
He leaned against the arm of the couch and breathed out. Almost there, second year, almost there.