Chapter Text
1– 24/2/2025
putting what is in one’s head in the form of words can’t get any easier.
One is not sure what is this emptiness their feeling, but one knows that it is the people around them.
you, dear reader , what if you lived in a world that holds you as your only inhabitant ? will you also feel the emptiness one feels ? Or will you live with no emotions due to the fact that no one is around to initiate any emotion. Will you live in distress wanting to interact with others? Is all we feel dependent on what the individuals around us do ? think, dear reader:
“can one initiate emotions all by themselves ?”
In one’s reality , one needs to lie to oneself until they realize they’re actully doing fine or good enough to survive the day. What if one gets tired of lying ? what happens then.
In our society , lying is bad, one lies to oneself everyday , does that make them a bad person in society ?
No.
As long as they don’t show it to other lowly individuals who think they have power due to what they show. In our society , it’s about what one portrays not what they did to reach that portrayal.
Reality is sad isn’t it.
If one mere mortal as myself notices it , develops loathing for it , will that change anything ?
If this mortal managed to find a group of other mortals who share the same loathing , what happens then ? they loath together ? is that all?
they got no power , so what is the point of loathing all along , it is the pain of knowing. That is what destroys a person.
The privilege of ignorance is in fact, bliss after all.
why does one feel nothing when everything is going according to plan ? i believe its ones trauma that takes time to recover even if it was seen as a mere scolding. One needs to get reassurance from seeing it with both their eyes to have a calm mind. But when will that may be ? tomorrow ? they day after ? One doesn’t know what the future holds but has high expectations, as dazai said “nothing can go wrong when you leave it to god”.