Chapter Text
Suho didn't want to fight.
Seriously, he didn't want to.
But his sleep had been interrupted for the fifth time, and he had a rough day at work. Suho was no deity, and even Buddha would lose his temper from time to time. Why should he control himself?
Suho opened his eyes with difficulty, adjusting to the sudden brightness. He sighed loudly, stretching his arms and back. He wasn't even legally an adult, but he already felt the pains of an old man. An exhausted and irritated old man.
He already suspected who was responsible for all the noise in the morning. Only a group of rich and idiotic kids would have the energy to practice bullying at that time. He turned to the side, noticing a commotion at the desk next to his. Yeongbin — of course, who else would it be — was leaning on Beomseok's desk, staring at him like a predator. A cowardly one. His lackeys, whose names Suho didn't even remember, were surrounding the boy, laughing like a pack of hyenas with stomachaches.
Suho sighed. It looked like he wouldn't be sleeping for a while.
Trying to protect Beomseok had become part of his routine. They had never talked much, but when Yeongbin took his pranks too far, Suho got tired of standing around and intervened for the first time. From then on, he and Beomseok went from being classmates to friends. Suho wasn't a hero or anything like that, but even he couldn't stand seeing a bully taking advantage of kids weaker than him. It wasn't even in his plans to become friends with Beomseok, but when the boy chased him around and even bought him a meal, he started to grow fond of him.
It wasn't even for pity, it was just that the guy was pleasant when he wasn't shaking from head to toe.
Suho didn’t even need to get up. Usually, a shout was enough for Yeongbin and his friends to return to their seats. Despite their pose, around Suho, they were like puppies, running away and tucking their tails between their legs. So, he did just that.
“Hey, Yeongbin!” he shouted, pleased to see the surprised look on the bully’s face. “Can’t a guy sleep around here?”
Beomseok also turned to him, trying to hide a sigh of relief. Yeongbin’s lackeys looked at their leader, waiting for his next order. It was no surprise, those guys were incapable of thinking for themselves. They probably asked Yeongbin’s permission to go to the bathroom, too.
Suho prepared to lie down again, expecting the bullies to sit down like always. However, things wouldn't be so simple this time. Yeongbin glared at Suho, anger so thick in his eyes that they seemed to catch fire.
Someone got brave out of nowhere, Suho thought, straightening his posture.
Yeongbin walked up to him, stopping in front of his desk.
“You better stay out of it.” His eyes were intense, but his words sounded uncertain. He was trying to hide his fear.
Yeongbin's lackeys glared at each other, seemingly questioning their leader's sanity. Yet they stood up anyway, following their master like brainless idiots.
A wry laugh invaded Suho's lips. He also stood up, coming face to face with Yeongbin. Why were those damn teachers never in class?
“Or what?” He asked, without a hint of fear. “What's up, Yeongbin? Is all this because your parents don't pay attention to you at home?”
Yeongbin’s gaze changed, widening slightly. I think I touched a nerve.
It might be a little mean, but maybe if Suho poked him where it hurt, Yeongbin would finally learn his lesson and stop messing with Beomseok. None of the idiot trio said anything, and Yeongbin calculated his next move as if he were also looking for Suho's weak point.
Good luck to him.
“At least I have parents.” He replied, a wicked smile flooding his lips. “You fucking orphan.”
The classroom, which had been a mess until now, fell into complete silence. All the students approached the scene, shocked by Yeongbin's words. They stared anxiously, waiting for his next move as if it were an MMA fight. Even Beomseok, who had his head down, moved from his spot, looking at Suho with the most shocked expression he had ever seen on the boy’s face.
Suho had been called many things by the idiots at school. Lazy, asshole, coward, nosy, arrogant. Seriously, even his financial situation had been insulted. But his family? That was a forbidden topic, as if they knew it was the only thing capable of affecting Suho.
No one had ever been so brave and so dumb at the same time, not like Yeongbin.
Suho clenched his hands into fists. He felt his body tremble, anger invading every single bone in his body.
Control yourself. Control yourself.
He didn't want to fight. He promised his grandmother he wouldn't.
“What did you say?” Suho asked almost in a whisper. He approached Yeongbin until he was just a few inches away from him.
He hoped the threat in his voice would be enough to make Yeongbin come to his senses and shut up. But nothing was going as Suho had expected.
“Orphan. I called you an orphan.” Yeongbin’s smile grew even wider, pleased to find Suho’s weak spot after so long. “No wonder you’re always sleeping. It must be unbearable having to work just so your old grandmother doesn’t starve to death.”
Suddenly, the world went silent. Suho didn’t hear the excited screams of his classmates as his fist collided with Yeongbin’s face. He didn’t feel the hands trying to hold him back as he punched Yeongbin’s face repeatedly. He didn’t hear Beomseok begging him to stop, saying that he would kill him.
Let him die, then.
He didn't even notice when the adults arrived in the classroom, trying to pull him off Yeongbin. He kept on punching and punching that idiot's face like it was nothing. Blood started to splatter on his face, hot and sticky, but he didn't care. He wanted to taste Yeongbin's blood, to break his bones one by one, to see his desperate look of fear. The adrenaline kept him from feeling anything, even when the pain of the impact invaded his fist, even when his bones agonized with pain.
It didn't matter. Suho just needed to hurt him.
The last few hours had been a blur. All Suho remembered was being taken out of the classroom, and his grandmother’s shocked face upon seeing his condition. He didn’t even remember how he got rid of the blood, whether he did it himself or if his grandmother did it for him while he behaved like a robot. Either way, it was embarrassing.
He was sitting on a bench next to his grandmother. Waiting in the hallway as the principal prepared his sentence in the room with the locked door. He knew Yeongbin's mother was inside, screaming and preparing to murder Suho herself as soon as the door was opened.
His grandma hadn't said a word since she found him, but she didn't need to. Suho felt her disappointment, as if he had been stabbed a thousand times in the heart, slowly and painfully. He had promised, told her that he wouldn't get into fights, that he would spend his last year of school with perfect attendance and without going to the principal's office. That was all she had asked of him, something so simple that he couldn't even fulfill it.
He broke his promise, lost her trust.
Suho kept his head down, holding back the tears that threatened to fall. Yeongbin was wrong about one thing. It was his grandmother who should have gotten more sleep, having to take care of Suho and make sure he didn't starve to death. He didn't even care if Yeongbin spent the rest of his life in the hospital, but he bitterly regretted disappointing his grandmother.
Suddenly, the door to the principal's office opened. Suho quickly stood up, helping his grandma.
“Ahn Suho.” The director called him. “You and your guardian can enter now.”
Suho swallowed hard, shaking like a kid in trouble. And honestly, that was exactly what he was. He walked alongside his grandmother, entering the room and sitting in the chairs in front of the principal's desk. Unfortunately for him, they were right next to Yeongbin's mother, who had her arms crossed, glaring at Suho as if he had committed a massacre.
Okay, that wasn't that far from the truth.
The director coughed, sorting through some documents.
“Mrs. Ahn. What your grandson did was extremely serious. In all my years as a principal, I have never seen a student commit such a violent act.”
Liar. He knew what Yeongbin was up to with Beomseok and the other kids; he just never cared. After all, Yeongbin had two things that Suho didn't: money and power.
His grandmother stood up, giving an exaggerated bow. Suho immediately copied her, hating that she had to put in all this effort even with her back pain.
“I’m sorry, Director.” Those were her first words in hours. Suho hated that. She turned to Mrs. Jeon, repeating her bow. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Jeon. I’m deeply embarrassed, and I’ll offer to pay the hospital bills or anything else you need.”
Suho’s blood ran cold. This was terrible. His grandmother barely had enough money for the two of them. How would they be able to pay Yeongbin’s extremely expensive hospital bills? He didn’t care if he was punished; he just hoped that his grandmother would come out unscathed.
“I’m sorry too,” Suho said, even though he wasn’t. At least not to Yeongbin’s mother. “This is all my fault, I’ll accept any punishment. Just please forgive my grandma. She had nothing to do with this.”
His grandmother slapped him on the head, and Suho glared at her in offense. Come on, he was just defending her.
Yeongbin's mother also stood up, looking pleased to see how they revered her and begged for her forgiveness.
Fucking rich people. They're still the same nobles who kept slaves.
“That’s enough.” Mrs. Jeon commented, and Suho sighed in relief as he saw his grandmother stand up from her bowing pose. “And don’t worry, I talked to the principal, and we have the perfect punishment for a delinquent with no future like you.”
His grandmother kept the same expression, but Suho noticed how her shoulders tensed. Even when she was disappointed, she didn’t like to see someone insulting her grandson. Suho wanted to cry again.
“First of all.” The director commented, shuffling through the documents, he found more interesting than the conversation in front of him. “I must warn you that this aggravated assault will be on your academic record.”
He had expected this, but it still sucked. Suho hadn't even planned on going to college, but having something like this on his record would make it hard to even get a job. It was annoying that Yeongbin's record remained clean even after his assaults, while Suho would never be free from the consequences.
“And given the severity of what happened, I'm afraid a suspension and even community service won't be enough. Ms. Jeon and I have already decided on your punishment. You will be expelled.”
“What?” Suho and his grandmother asked at the same time.
An expulsion? What school would accept him after an expulsion for aggravated assault?
“Sir, please,” his grandmother pleaded, and Suho hated how helpless her voice sounded. “My grandson made a mistake, but he’s a good boy. Please don’t expel him.”
Yeongbin's mother laughed, a wry laugh that seemed to spread venom.
“Really? None of this would have happened if you had raised that boy properly. He grew up without parents; of course, he would end up violent. You shouldn't expect anything from children like that.”
Suho bit his tongue, stopping himself from saying anything stupid. It was no surprise that Yeongbin was like that; he was an exact copy of that woman. He was just uglier and dumber than her.
“I beg you! I'll do anything, I-”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Ahn, but it’s already been decided. And with something like that on your record, there’s only one school in the region that would accept you.” The principal commented, and he even seemed a little relieved to get rid of Suho. “Eunjang.”
Suho’s eyes widened, and his grandmother held her breath. Eunjang? Suho might be strong, but he didn’t have the energy to deal with Eunjang’s crazy delinquents. If the school accepted him, it meant that Suho’s violent act was just an ordinary day for them. Yeongbin was nothing compared to the bullies there.
His grandmother began to cry, desperate tears streaming down her cheeks. Suho felt his heart tighten. He couldn't show fear; the least he could do was be strong for his grandmother. Reassure her that he would be okay.
He slowly placed his hand on her back, hoping his caress would calm her down. The director went back to his papers, not caring that an elderly lady was crying in front of him. Yeongbin's mother smiled once more, yawning as if the conversation had made her bored.
Suho hated them. He hated them all.
I hope Yeongbin sleeps for a long, long time.
The ride home was completely silent. Suho even thought his grandmother was giving him the silent treatment, but she must have been more anxious than he was. They arrived home, and as soon as his grandmother opened the door, he knew he had to say something.
“I'm sorry.” Suho broke the silence, his voice coming out more fragile than he intended.
His grandmother stopped walking, staring at him in a way she had never done. Suho had seen her angry at him before — and she was scary — but her expression wasn’t anger. It was pure weariness, a quiet disappointment. Suho preferred the anger, preferred her yelling at him, hitting him in the head. Anything other than staring at him in disappointment.
“You promised to behave. Why did you do that?”
“I was going to, I swear!” He was behaving. But Yeongbin had to ruin everything. “Yeongbin started messing with my friend, I just defended him.”
“And you had to almost kill him!?” The tone of her voice increased, and Suho felt relieved to recognize the anger present there.
“I… I wasn’t going to…” Suho took a deep breath. It was better to tell the truth. “I wasn’t going to fight, but then he insulted my family. He badmouthed you, I couldn’t just stand by and do nothing!”
His grandmother sighed. She walked over to Suho, holding his hands tightly. Even though she was angry, she wanted to comfort her grandson. Suho didn’t deserve someone like her.
“Suho, listen to me,” she said patiently. “There are people in life who will hurt you, and it’s okay to be angry. But you have to control yourself. People like us can’t fight back.”
“But that’s unfair!” Suho felt like a stubborn brat, but he was so tired.
Why didn't people like him have the right to fight back? Why could Yeongbin do whatever he wanted, while Suho had to stay silent and obedient?
“Life is unfair, my love. And it always will be for us.” She ran her hand over his cheek, and Suho closed his eyes, letting the tears finally fall. “We must get used to living like this.”
Suho remained silent, allowing himself to be comforted by his grandmother. He had almost killed a boy, but she still hugged him as if he were an innocent child. Suho felt wronged by the world, but eternally grateful for his grandmother.
“You… think my parents are disappointed?” It was stupid. He wasn’t a kid, his parents were dead. They didn’t feel pride or disappointment.
But the childish and hopeful part of Suho secretly wished that they were alive somewhere. That they were watching his every step, even the wrong ones. Thinking like that brought some peace to his heart, no matter how silly it was.
“My love… They would be proud of you for standing up for yourself.” His grandmother replied, hugging him tightly.
Suho cried on his grandmother’s shoulder, something he hadn’t done in many years. A feeling of nostalgia washed over him, and he suddenly wished he were a child again. It was his graduation year, and next year, Suho would be a fully-fledged adult. He would never say it out loud, but despite all his responsibilities, he didn’t feel ready to grow up at all.
“Thank you, Grandma. And I'm sorry, I promise I'll behave this time.”
“I know you will, my dear. I know you will.”
Suho only entered his room after making sure there were no tears on his face. He didn't feel like being teased by Yeongi, even if the girl took it easy on such a crazy day.
To his surprise, Yeongi wasn’t alone in his room. Beomseok was standing next to her, holding a few bags that were full of food. Great, Suho was hungry again.
“Did I interrupt a meeting?” he asked, his playful smile returning to his face.
The teenagers turned to him and didn't even try to hide their concern.
“Suho! Dude, I thought that rich kid's mom murdered you!” Yeongi shouted, inspecting him as if looking for bruises.
“I wish, she thought you were punishment enough for me.” She punched his arm, hard enough to make it red. “Ouch! Did you need to do that?”
“Dumbass, I almost died of worry.”
“And now you're trying to kill me? What a great friend you are.”
“I should have, what were you thinking!?” Despite his attempts at a joke, there was no smile on Yeongi's face. She must not have even slept, anxious to find out what had happened to her friend.
Suho sighed, suddenly feeling guilty.
“My bad. But you don't need to worry, I'm fine. I swear.”
She didn't seem to believe his words, but at least she stopped looking at him like he was a ghost.
“Suho.” Beomseok interrupted, clearing his throat. “I… I wanted to apologize. This all happened because of me.”
The boy lowered his head, clearly filled with guilt.
“Hey, relax, this isn't your fault. It's that asshole Yeongbin's fault. Well… and my lack of control.”
“I would have done worse! That asshole deserved it.” Yeongi protested, as if she hadn't been criticizing him minutes ago.
“Shut up, brat, you don't even know what he said.”
“Beomseok told me.” She puffed out her chest proudly, and Suho glared at Beomseok angrily for the first time.
“Well… She insisted a lot.” The boy confessed, avoiding Suho's gaze at all costs.
Honestly, it wasn't like Suho was hiding the fight from Yeongi. He just didn't want to drag the girl into his problems. She was so young and had already been through so much; Suho just wanted to be her haven. Besides, after living with him and his grandmother for so long, she was practically his little sister, and it was his duty as an older brother to protect her. Even though Yeongi didn't need any protection at all.
“What's done is done. Now, Beomseok, what you have there, buddy?” Suho changed the subject, his stomach already growling.
He would kill for some kimchi.
“Ah. Well, you took a while, I figured you'd be hungry, so… I brought food.”
“Now, you're the best friend of all! Learn from him, Yeongi.” The girl rolled her eyes, not interested in arguing.
Beomseok placed the bags on the floor table in the corner of the room, and Suho quickly sat down. He began to open the bags in a hurry, separating all the contents. The smell was wonderful, and Suho took a huge bite of the kimchi he had been dying to eat. He even forgot about his problems for a moment.
“So Suho… What did they say?” Yeah, just for a moment.
Suho took a deep breath, knowing there was no way they could handle the news well.
“Look… It turns out I was expelled.”
“Expelled!?”
“And I'll be transferred to Eunjang.”
“Eunjang!?” His friends shouted together, and Suho continued eating, giving them time to get used to the news.
“Yeah… Surprise?” He didn’t even know how to joke about the situation. Suho wasn’t a coward, but he was afraid of getting hit like anyone with a survival instinct.
Beomseok looked about to hyperventilate, sweat dripping down his forehead as if he could already see Suho in a hospital bed. Yeongi was even worse; she had the look of someone who was already in mourning, preparing the funeral of her beloved and dead friend.
“Hey, I'm not going to die! I've dealt with worse than teenage gangster wannabes.”
It was true. He still had nightmares about that crazy man, Gilsoo.
“That’s terrible,” Beomseok commented, while Yeongi remained strangely silent.
Suho knew he needed to calm his friends down, he was already freaking out enough for both of them. As soon as he saw his guitar, leaning on the floor next to some junk, a spark of hope lit up in his heart.
“Hey, not everything is lost. I still have a band, and we've been training hard this year. I'm going to crush the competition, no doubt.”
Suho was passionate about music. More than that, music was his greatest passion. His room was almost a museum, with band posters all over the walls, collections of CDs from different musicians, and albums that hadn't been sold in 20 years. He had worked hard to save up the money and buy each of these things with his blood, sweat, and tears.
Suho could go to the worst school in the world, have a stain on his academic record, get beaten up by bullies, and lose his dignity. As long as he had the music, nothing was lost.
But to his surprise, his friends didn't smile. Their stress seemed to increase.
“Suho, listen,” Beomseok said, approaching Suho as if he were a wild animal. “I didn’t come here just to apologize and bring you food. The guys in the band… They said they won’t be participating anymore.”
Suho stopped eating. Suddenly, the world seemed silent again.
“I'm sorry… They said they can't go out with someone who has a serious assault record. Their parents don't want them around you.”
Suho stared at the food in front of him, feeling his stomach churn. He had never lost his appetite, but at that moment, he wanted to get away from the food as quickly as possible. The silence stretched for a few minutes before Beomseok spoke again.
“I should go, it's getting late. My dad will be mad if I'm not home.” The boy practically ran out the door, wanting to escape the awkward situation.
Suho didn't even say goodbye, but he didn't have time to feel bad about it. Yeongi also silently left the room, as if she knew he needed to be alone.
Suho didn't know how long he had been sitting on his bed, staring at the Queen band poster stuck perfectly on his wall, which seemed to take pity on him.
It was like a realization had sunk in. He didn't have a band anymore. It was his senior year, his last chance to compete in the school music competition. And he didn't have a band anymore. To make matters worse, registration was closing soon, and it was practically impossible to form a band in such a short amount of time.
Suho failed. He failed his grandmother, he failed Yeongi, and he failed himself. He always messed up why was he surprised? Damn, did he had to attack Yeongbin? When would he learn that people like him shouldn't defend themselves? He hated this.
If he had been born rich, he wouldn’t even have to worry. His grandmother would have had everything she needed, and she wouldn’t even have to work hard. She lived a life full of worries, and Suho couldn’t even give her a few last years of rest?
Suddenly, his door opened. Yeongi entered without making a sound, sitting next to Suho without saying a word. She rested her head on his shoulder, and Suho held back the stubborn tears that insisted on falling. He had cried more in the last few hours than he had in the last few years.
Not only did he have to take care of his grandmother, but he had to take care of Yeongi as well. Suho was all she had, his grandmother couldn't take care of them forever. Suho couldn't even take care of himself, but a life depended on him.
It was too much.
“I'm sorry, Yeongi.” He whispered, and the girl held his hands tightly.
“Why are you apologizing?”
“Because I messed up everything. I should take care of you and Grandma, but I can't even do that.”
“Suho.” Yeongi held his face, forcing him to look at her. “The only person you should take care of is yourself.”
“But-”
“What? You think I can't take care of myself?” She smiled, and Suho shook his head.
He knew better than anyone that Yeongi could take care of herself. He just didn't want her to have to.
“Yeongi... Why don't you play with me?” He asked. “I know you love music as much as I do.”
Suho still remembered Yeongi's face when she first saw his guitar. She was enchanted, and that was when Suho realized how young she was. He had taught her how to play and sing himself, and it was his proudest moment. Seeing the smile on Yeongi's face every time she hit a note was priceless.
“You know I can’t.” She sighed, her hands moving down to his shoulders. “I feel bad enough living with you and Grandma. The least I owe you is a steady job.”
Suho sighed, almost laughing at the irony. They were more alike than they cared to admit. Maybe in another life, they were siblings.
“You know grandma doesn't care, right? She and I would take care of you even if you were a lazy brat with no future.” Yeongi slapped him lightly, unable to hold back her laughter.
“I know. But I do.”
And Suho didn't protest. After all, he felt the same way.
That night, they slept in the same bed. Suho felt like a child again, hugging Yeongi like she was his stuffed animal. The girl didn't even complain, dropping her tough pose to snuggle with her friend.
“I don't want to play anymore!” Suho shouted, hiding under the table.
His father sighed, bending down until he could see the boy.
“Why not Suho?” His voice was deep, but it always sounded gentle.
“Because I always make mistakes! I don't want to make mistakes!” Suho hugged his knees, hiding his face so his father wouldn't see his tears.
“Look, son… If you want to learn, you need to make mistakes.”
Suho didn't respond, feeling especially stubborn.
“Look, I wasn’t always good. Do you want to know what your mom told me when I played for her for the first time?” Suho raised his head carefully, curious about the answer. — “Hey, that was the worst song I’ve ever heard!”
His father perfectly imitated his mother's tone, a thin but frightening voice when angered. Suho let out a laugh before he could control himself.
“And it really was!” He heard his mother's voice, distant, provocative, but always full of affection.
“Honey, I'm teaching him a lesson here!”
Suho laughed, completely forgetting about his tears. He crawled out from under the table, walking towards his father, who was holding his guitar in his hand.
“So, you want to try again, big boy?” His father asked, pointing happily at the guitar.
Suho nodded, raising his hands to play it.
“Suho, no matter how much you fail, you have to keep trying. Do you promise?”
“I promise, Dad.”