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Language:
English
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Published:
2025-05-28
Updated:
2025-07-30
Words:
22,282
Chapters:
35/?
Comments:
8
Kudos:
31
Bookmarks:
4
Hits:
864

pornstars don't die before they go to heaven

Summary:

meditations on the nature of fandom, organized religion, sexuality, gender, dreams, the four classical elements, the six primes, lemonade, being cunty slayyy, and the debate on whether one ought to slam for free; in the style of cupcakke, rxknephew, pink guy, chuck tingle, t.s. eliot, e.e. cummings, kae tempest, and your fucking mom.

Notes:

"so we're fine, as long as nobody writes erotic crack poetry." "question." "what's your question, soldier?" "i wrote erotic crack poetry." "what." "you told me to." "how. much." "i have done nothing but write erotic crack poetry for a year."

due to the tag limit, i'm only able to tag for general things. individual poems will get specific cw's and spoiler warnings. keep in mind that i will never cw for profanity, vanilla sexual content (no matter how vulgar), or religious heresy, so those are always on the table.

Chapter 1: my proposition, darling

Summary:

an introduction of sorts

Notes:

cw's: N/A
fandom: minecraft
references: twin peaks, house of leaves, jeffrey epstein, game of thrones
elements: doubly unaligned
flow: free verse with occasional iambic tetrameter

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

my шышмэм plastic surgeon gave me a minecraft asshole

open this portal and you’ll find hundreds of doors and windows

look through this window, look through this door

a certain list is here to make you smirk like a whore

 

this list is on a burger king bulletin board

where users got the banhammer sword

thousands of signs and thousands of twinks

all posted in a red wool house like carpet flanked by trees of ash

 

the disc in the jukebox is playing franz liszt

suddenly my insides are perforated into wicky wicky mist

look back at the list, now it’s epstein’s eeby deeby clients

now the zombies at the door are bearded foes of the giants

 

put in twelve eyes to come and see

and cum and pee and cross the sea

walk through this portal to wake the dragon

and fuck me so hard the server starts laggin

 

but don’t be shy, this is just foreplay

is this really too 궁금해 for you, kitten?

what did i buy you for? that’s right

twink squirt

Notes:

"wicky wicky. eeby deeby. шышмэм-ен эксымсас. 궁금해. burger king. house like carpet. long ago the six primes lived together in harmony, then everything changed when viktor nation how we feeling attacked; only cupcakke, master of all six elements, could stop them, but when the world needed her most, she vanished. a hundred years passed and my brother and i discovered the new cupcakke, a 궁금해-bender named sex anderson. and although their 궁금해 is great, they have a lot to learn before they're ready to save anyone. but i believe sex can save the world."
-cersei lannister

шышмэм-ен эксымсас is pronounced /ˌʃɪʃmɛmɪnˈɛksʌmsʌs/, and 궁금해 is pronounced /ˈguŋgʊmeɪ/. these words do not mean what they literally mean. she's my mother's sister's girl.
-sex anderson