Chapter Text
The Marías sang from Yuri’s phone, background noise while she got ready. She needed their songs to fill the silence that would have existed otherwise—anything to keep her thoughts away from the girl with the green eyes and perfect posture.
The two of them were going to watch a movie later, and no matter how much Yuri told herself she wasn’t going to think about it, she couldn’t help herself. The small, stupid voice in her head wondered if their hangout could be more than just a friendly outing. Did Monika even like girls like that? It felt like something had changed since the first day of senior year. And while the crazed stages of Yuri’s crush on Monika had passed long ago, she couldn’t help but notice the way Monika had been looking at her all week. Like her eyes had never been so clear. Like Yuri was the only thing in the world worth looking at. Or maybe that was just her projecting. Maybe all those years of unrequited longing had finally got the best of her.
Ever since Yuri joined the Literature Club back in tenth grade, she had never known a day when her heart didn’t jolt at the sight of Monika. It wasn’t necessarily a skittish jolt, like the one you’d get when someone jump-scared you, no. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of beauty. Awestruck by magnificence. Quiet and humble, but still show-stoppingly gorgeous. From then on, Monika had changed Yuri’s life, whether she was aware of it or not.
For the first time in her life, Yuri had a friend. A proper friend. Not just someone she could share stationery with in class, or sit with during lunch. Monika would talk to her outside of class, even when she was quiet or nonverbal. Monika didn’t mind sitting in the silence that came with her; Monika was comfortable in it when others weren’t, even if it stretched on longer than it used to.
But, of course, there were the other girls: Natsuki and Sayori. They were good to her too; they laughed together, cried together, and talked about poetry and life together. But not in the same way things were with Monika. Monika would come over in the dead of night if she felt like it. They’d lie on the floor of Yuri’s bedroom, not uttering a single word, and Yuri would fall asleep and wake up more refreshed than she had ever been since birth. Their hands would touch, and Yuri would wonder what it would feel like if more parts of them did, wonder how she’d feel if Monika touched her. Would Monika even be interested in touching a girl like that? Would she feel the same way Yuri did when she dreamt about it?
Yuri curled her lip at the sight of her reflection in the mirror. She had changed her outfit three times by now. Too casual. Too dressy. This one made her look like she was trying too hard, but at least the long-sleeved blouse was flattering. With an exasperated sigh, Yuri pulled on the skirt from her previous ‘too casual’ outfit, paired it with her sheer black tights, and settled. She spun herself away from the mirror before she could criticise herself further and packed her purse. Her perfume eyed her from the bedside table—the one for special occasions that she rarely used. It was expensive. It was lovely. Would Monika notice if she sprayed a little in the crooks of her neck?
Monika was already waiting in the cinema when Yuri arrived. She looked gorgeous, as always. She didn’t need to spend hours in front of a mirror deciding what to wear, or how much perfume was too much. An oversized brown leather jacket consumed her in just the right way, and she, too, wore a skirt. They were both early. The smile on Monika’s face grew into a toothy grin when she spotted her. Yuri couldn’t help but return it as Monika rushed towards her. They finally found each other in the bustle of the cinema crowd, and Monika pulled Yuri into a hug.
It wasn’t a casual squeeze, or a one-armed pat on the back, but the kind of hug that made Yuri feel like time had stopped for just them. Monika always hugged like this, like she wasn’t in a rush, like they were the only ones in the world that mattered. She tugged Yuri down a little—she always had to; Yuri was taller by just enough—and her chin brushed the same spot on Yuri’s shoulder it always did, that little hollow just beneath the collarbone. It was so familiar that Yuri’s body leaned in automatically, her arms finding Monika’s waist like muscle memory, her breath catching the way it always did when she got too close, too hopeful. Yuri could smell roses and clean laundry, and it was so sweet she could’ve sworn her mouth actually watered.
Monika laughed, clear, melodious. It always seemed perfectly timed. They pulled apart. “You smell incredible. New perfume?”
She noticed!
Yuri nodded, struggling to keep her smile from stretching too wide. “My dad gave it to me. I only wear it on special occasions—”
She shouldn’t have said that. Monika would think she was weird for considering watching a movie with her friend a special occasion. What would she think if she—
“It’s lovely. Subtle, but it suits you,” Monika’s smile was warm. “I’m not surprised, you’ve always had an eye—well, nose —for elegant things.”
She knew .
Before Yuri could say anything else, Monika slipped her arm through hers and gently steered them to the ticket booth. She chatted on about how Yuri had to wear it more often and how she hoped the movie lived up to the hype. Yuri barely heard a word. Her heart was hammering away. The air-conditioned lobby did nothing to cool the flush creeping up her neck.
Yuri had never liked small talk. It felt clumsy in her mouth, like trying to dance with two left feet. Not pointless, just… rarely meaningful. But with Monika, it was different. God, it was always different.
“So,” Monika nudged her lightly with an elbow, “did you get to finish that poem you were working on Tuesday? The one with the line about burning sugar? I’ve been thinking about it all week.”
Yuri blinked. She hadn’t even told Monika she’d written that line. But of course, she’d noticed. “I did, actually,”
“Yeah?” Monika clasped her hands together like she had been waiting for this. “Please tell me you’ll let me read it. I promise not to beg, but I will guilt-trip you.”
Yuri laughed—a quiet sound, soft as ever, but a laugh nevertheless. “Shut up. You always read my poems, even when I try to hide them.”
“Alright, alright,” Monika offered a sheepish smile, arms raised in mock surrender. “But can you blame me? Everything you write is just so… captivating! I don’t know how you do it.”
Silence envelops them again, but not really. The background noise—the buzz of excited moviegoers, corn popping in metal drums, the low fizz of soda machines—filled the space like a soft soundtrack.
“Can’t believe we’re finally seniors,” Monika said as they inched forward in line. Her voice had shifted, just slightly, but enough for Yuri to notice. It had that strange, wistful edge she only let out when she thought no one was paying too much attention.
“Yeah, we’ll be graduating before we even know it,” Yuri nodded, twiddling with a button on her cuff. “It’s… It’s nice that we’re gonna have club meetings again. Summer was kinda quiet, with everyone busy and all. I missed it.”
Monika smiled, half to herself. “Same. I’ve been craving that energy, you know? Everyone in the same room, ideas bouncing around the place, writing things that scare us a little.”
Yuri’s stomach fluttered.
“Oh, and I heard we’re getting a new member?” Monika tilted her head slightly. A strand of her bang shifted, and Yuri’s finger twitched to tuck it behind her ear. “A boy, right? That’ll be interesting.”
Yuri nodded. She tried not to think about how excited Monika sounded. Tried not to wish she’d sound like that about her.
“We’ve never had a boy before,” she said softly.
Yuri didn’t know how to feel about that, and about everything really. There was excitement and fear and a handful of other confusing emotions. Then, there was her . Monika. A future she could see so clearly, yet so out of reach. Yuri knew what she wanted to do, knew what she wanted to study in university. And she knew a small (big) part of her wished that Monika would be by her side through it all.
But what are dreams, if not a cruel reminder of everything reality isn’t?
-
“Yuri?” Monika’s voice brought her back to her senses, and the world began to refocus around her. Monika was staring, not out of concern, just watching . She had that gleam in her eyes, the same one that would appear when she analysed poetry.
“Yes, sorry. I, uh—sorry, I didn’t—,” She stopped at the sight of Monika’s wide smile. God, she was gorgeous.
Monika was still smiling when she took her hand, calling over her shoulder while they moved. “You’ve got the tickets, right? The movie’s starting soon!”
They weaved through the crowd, Monika leading with ease and certainty like she always did. Yuri trailed behind, murmuring apologies to anyone she brushed past. She couldn’t tell if her thundering heart was from the dirty looks strangers sent her or Monika’s fingers curled around hers.
She would have followed her anywhere. Through cinema halls, across continents, into fire. Quiet, obedient, entranced. Yuri followed like a knight sworn to guard a queen she could never touch, a queen who never needed guarding.
Chatter filled the cinema, buzzing in the air like white noise, whilst people waited for the movie to start. Yuri’s eyes darted around, her attention jumping from the man sniffling too loudly in front of her to the pair of kids racing up the walkway. The lights hadn’t dimmed yet, and she was beginning to regret not bringing a jacket.
“I can’t believe we both wore skirts to the cinema,” Monika chuckled from beside her.
Yuri turned to face her, the rest of the world easily melting away as she decided to give the other girl her full attention. Amber hair and cheeky eyes were a refreshing break.
“I—,” Yuri looked down at her lap as if seeing herself for the first time.
Then: a tap. The lightest thing. On her knee. Casual. Yuri argued otherwise. A stroke of thunder. Crashing waves. How pathetic was she to have her stomach flip at the bare contact of skin? This was insanity.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Monika smirked, drawing her hand back. “It’s cute. Where’d you get it?”
Oh. Not a compliment for her. Just the skirt.
“Thanks,” Yuri whispered, brushing her skirt like it would release her from the shackles of her sapphic thoughts. “Um, I thrifted it.”
“Well, then, you should take me out thrifting sometime,” Monika said, almost too casually. Like it was no big deal to ask for a map into Yuri’s favourite corners of the world.
Yuri blinked. She’d never taken anyone. Not even Natsuki or Sayori. But the way Monika said it, so soft and sure, not like a question but a promise, made her want to say yes before her nerves could stop her.
“Oh, I didn’t know you liked thrifting?”
Monika tilted her head. “Mhm, I don’t go a lot, but I like the hunt, I guess. Like, that moment you find something and you know it’s just meant for you.”
Yuri swallowed. “I—uh, I know how you feel,”
“Well, there you go,” Monika’s grin returned. “We should go together,”
Yuri nodded. “Another hangout would be… nice.”
Monika’s smile wavered for a second, like she hadn’t expected Yuri to agree so easily. Not like that. Not so openly. Then it came back, softer this time. Yuri wouldn’t have been able to catch it if she hadn’t been focusing all her attention on her.
“Yeah,” Monika said, fiddling with the popcorn bag, her gaze flicking away for just a second too long. “I guess it would,”
-
Monika’s words replayed like a broken record in Yuri’s head for the next hour. She couldn’t even bring herself to enjoy, let alone pay attention to the film. What did Monika mean? Was she asking her out? Yuri turned to carefully watch the woman sitting beside her. Monika seemed completely entranced, her focus unwavering as the dim glow of the theatre screen cast flickering lights across her face. She was leaning back, practically owning the seat with her limbs, whilst Yuri was as stiff as a wooden board, back straight and gripping her armrest a little too tightly.
There was no way Monika was… asking her out .
Heck, this wasn’t even a date! It was a hangout. It was a completely normal, friendly hangout with Monika, whom she shared a platonic relationship. Keyword: Platonic . Yuri ignored the way her toes curled at the thought, ignored the thought itself that wished that they were more.
Nothing was happening between them.
Even though they were at the movies.
Even though Monika had insisted on paying for her ticket and food.
Even though Monika had tapped her on the knee and told her she (her skirt) looked cute.
Even though she said they should go thrifting together.
Yuri shook her head, a blush crept up her neck like a rude fever. No . This wasn’t a date. It couldn’t be.
She almost jumped when she felt Monika’s shoulder press against hers.
“Hey,” Monika whispered. “You okay?”
Even in the dark, Yuri could see it. The worry that flashed in her eyes, eyes that were usually so unshakeable. Something glossy, accentuated by the way Monika’s eyebrows furrowed. Yuri’s insides flipped and then flipped some more.
“I’m fine,” Yuri replied too quickly.
Monika narrowed her eyes and hummed, unconvinced. She didn’t push, but she didn’t let it go either. Instead, she slowly lifted the armrest separating them with a soft click , and suddenly, two separate worlds merged into one. Yuri held her breath. Her mouth parted slightly in shock as Monika scooted closer. They were so close. So warm. Monika draped her arm over Yuri’s shoulder like it was the most natural thing in the world. But it wasn’t. Not to Yuri. Not when her heart was a wild animal locked in the cage of her ribs.
And then Monika’s fingers started moving. They drew nonsensical swirls along her arm, soft, absent-minded circles. She sighed like she didn’t even realise what she was doing. Like it wasn’t rewiring every single nerve in Yuri’s body.
“You looked cold,” Monika murmured, voice low, clearing her throat like she had only just realised the intimacy of it all. Then she leaned in, her lips grazing Yuri’s ear like an accident that wasn’t an accident at all. Her voice dropped even lower. “Are you cold?”
Yuri would have frozen to death if it meant that Monika would be by her side. “Not—not anymore, thank you,”
“Good,” Monika smiled, that toothy grin. Too proud of herself. Too beautiful in the way her eyes creased.
Yuri was melting.
-
The movie ended in a blur. Mediocre at most. Classic. Average. Passionate kissing as a resolution. The characters were straight. Monika’s arm never left Yuri’s shoulders, and she could have sworn it twitched during the kiss scene. Or perhaps that was Yuri twitching. She couldn't stop imagining what it would look like if they were on the big screen instead. If they were the ones consuming each other's faces while dramatic music swelled in the background.
Outside, the air nipped at Yuri’s skin. The pleasant coolness, now sharply cold, made Yuri shudder. Monika didn’t have to be told to take her jacket off and place it over Yuri’s shoulders. The scent hit first: roses, and then something deeper underneath. Something warmer.
“Won’t you get cold?” Yuri asked, her voice almost swallowed by a gust of wind.
“No, it’s alright,” Monika shrugged. “I was getting kind of warm anyway.”
Yuri didn’t believe her, not really. But the thought that Monika would rather be cold than see her uncomfortable made her toes curl inside her boots. They were silent after that, walking while their shoes cracked dry leaves and twigs beneath them, warm air blowing into faint clouds in front of their faces. Silence was always comfortable with Monika, but tonight, it felt heavy with everything unsaid.
Monika broke it first. “I always feel weird after movies, like I’m still half in their world.” A beat passed. There was a knowing look on her face. “How’d you like it?”
“It was… okay .”
“So it was boring,” Monika grinned.
“No!” Yes . You know me too well . Yuri continued. “I was just… imagining myself in their positions. Sometimes, I like it better like that, you know? Like, how I’m still half in their world.”
Monika was quiet for a second. Then: “You always do that when you read, too. Like, you get this little look on your face, and I can just tell you’re already gone.”
Yuri blushed. It was beginning to get a little hot under the jacket.
“If you like escaping so much,” Monika added, “maybe we should do this again sometime.”
And Yuri looked at her. Really looked. Light brown hair framed Monika like a halo, kisses of blush on her nose and cheeks. A part of Yuri wanted to believe that the pink wasn’t just from the cold. That, for Monika, maybe it was for something more.
Yuri's eyes asked the questions she was too afraid to say out loud. Would it be weird if I said I liked you?
“Yeah,” Yuri answered after a while.
Monika smiled, eyes soft. Her voice dipped, lower than before. It wasn’t teasing or flirty, just… honest . A quiet invitation. “Just the two of us?”
Yuri’s heart skipped a beat. She refused to believe it. Refused to hope that there could be more between them because, what would she do if there really was? How would she act? She’s never had another girl reciprocate her feelings before. Could it really be possible that Monika did? Even if Monika had only meant it as a friendly gesture, Yuri vowed to enjoy every moment of it. She could love her like this, in her own way and while they might never become those characters who kiss in movie resolutions, at least they would have this. Whatever this was, it was enough. For now.
“Yeah… just the two of us.”