Chapter Text
Dongmin's head was full of ideas, both reckless and reasonable in their own ways. Depending on his mood he swayed from thought to thought, and being friends with him meant getting to hear all of those thoughts uncensored as they passed through his mind.
It usually happened during the late hours of the night, when any normal person would be sleeping, but for some reason- Dongmin wasn't.
taesan (HATES JAEHYUN)
I want to dye my hair. like right now
Dongmin had always had a flashy appearance—His natural beauty; those sharp eyes, killer jawline, his slim waist and long legs— It was as if he was made to be eye-catching.
He never failed to express himself, even dabbling in piercing black eyeliner and silver jewellery to complement his painted nails. He had the style to tie it all together, he just looked good in anything, (or perhaps Donghyun was just utterly biased.)
The text message itself felt light-hearted, Dongmin always floated around the idea of dyeing his hair during their highschool years but ultimately settled with his classic jet black—Not that Donghyun was complaining, he looked attractive either way.
The replies were just like all the other nights Dongmin had sprung a new idea on them;
First Jaehyun would text back, saying something supportive- Blind leading the blind, dare he say. He just enjoys supporting his friends.
Sanghyuk wouldn't bother replying, rather leaving the two idiots to their own devices whilst Sungho, the only voice of reason, would pop up and tell them to go to sleep. Which left Woonhak and Donghyun reading the messages in the morning— puzzled but amused.
Honestly, Donghyun had thought about Dongmin dyeing his hair more times than he’d care to admit. He wishes that Dongmin would follow through with it— just imagining him with light brown hair, or maybe a subtle split dye made Donghyun's heart flutter.
He would look breathtaking, he thought with a lovestruck smile creeping on his face.
No one else seemed to bat an eye at Dongmin's message the following morning, and gradually, the thought fell to the back burner of Donghyun's mind.
It didn't help that it was exam season, they were stressed, to put it simply. For Donghyun, his weekends that were typically spent daydreaming about Dongmin, or better yet, seeing him in person— were now filled with hours of cram study sessions.
Donghyun felt tense, hopeless as he drawled through his last class of the day. His head thrummed in pain, aching with the sheer amount of knowledge he was trying to quickly absorb into his brain. He pressed against his temples for relief as the numbing ramble of his lecturer went in one ear and out the other.
Donghyun's lessons were long and boring, he was usually the last one to finish up with classes out of the six of his friends. Luckily, they didn't mind waiting for him, but that didn't stop them from blowing up their group chat with nonsense.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, the vibrations against his thigh. With each notification, Donghyun's patience ran thinner and thinner, irritating him until he reached his hand and took out his phone. His fingers curiously tapped to scan through the messages when he noticed a private message from Sanghyuk.
Riwoo hyung ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ
dude ur gonna go crazy when u see this
Riwoo hyung ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ
like seriously when are u getting here
His mind circled back and forth to earlier conversations— Did they plan something that completely flew over his head? Donghyun couldn't recall.
His fingers typed away at his phone, hands buzzing with interest. It was a simple question, what could Sanghyuk be referencing?
Riwoo hyung ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ
Dude!! Its taesan!!! you need to get here ASAP you are gonna flip istg
Anticipation settled at the tips of Donghyun’s fingers as he chewed his lip. His eyes flickered to the time on his phone— ten more minutes left. He needed this class to finish, his mind was far from being able to comprehend the words coming out of the lecturers mouth. Rather it was full of Dongmin, and the multiple questions he had about him.
Had he finally gotten those vinyls he kept telling them about?
Maybe he was trying out a new makeup look?
Donghyun tapped his foot against the floor impatiently as he let out a sigh of frustration. Only three minutes had passed.
Hurry up!! Donghyun inwardly ushered time to speed up as he death stared the clock.
He looked back at the messages Sanghyuk sent with knitted brows. Donghyun didn't know when Dongmin had become a topic of conversation between the two— honestly, he was sure that Sanghyuk knew about his feelings towards Dongmin before he did himself.
It wasn't like he tried to hide it very well; The looks of affection, fond smiles, tame giddiness to be by Dongmin's side. It was blatant to everyone but Donghyun for a while.
He supposed it was natural for these feelings to catch up to him. How could he possibly not fall inlove with Dongmin? Not when he was everything Donghyun had ever dreamt of.
Dongmin was shy, with a cold exterior to any stranger walking past him, but if you took the time to get to know him, youd find that he was rich with love; a sweet, gooey centre. He was caring in a special, subtly raw way— a way that felt genuine and sincere all at once.
Dongmin cared about Donghyun, he knew he did. But not in the way Donghyun had hoped he would.
-
Donghyun speed walked out of the classroom as soon as dismissal was announced. He weaved through students without bothering with an 'excuse me' or anything adjacent. He needed to see his friends— he needed to see Dongmin.
He clutched his backpack straps as his speed walking slowly levelled up to a steady jog down the street. He wasn’t one to break into a sweat easily. Who would’ve thought a few texts could get him this worked up? He was itching to find out what happened— Screw Sanghyuk for being so cryptic!!
As Donghyun began to near their meeting point, which was a simple skatepark that Dongmin and Jaehyun frequented, he let himself slow to a walk to catch his breath.
His eyes wandered around trying to spot his friends before he heard the loud shriek of Woonhak to his left. Donghyun turned his head, squinting as the sun blinded his vision. He groaned, walking up to his friends while shielding his eyes with one hand from the bright rays casting down.
Donghyun didn't notice at first, the faint sting of burning light in his face had him teary eyed. He sniffled softly and rubbed a hand over his face, blinking once. Twice.
Then his eyes landed on it. How could they not? He knew right away who had his back turned to him, whose hair was a bright, vibrant red. Of course he would've chosen red. It was so Dongmin of him to, it was so perfect.
Dongmin with red hair. Dongmin? Dyed his hair red? Dongmin has red hair?
Donghyun's mind short circuited as he kept staring at the head of hair in-front of him. He couldn't believe his eyes— was he dreaming? He shouldn't be this worked up over a simple colour change yet here he was, malfunctioning.
Despite the flashy colour, Dongmin's hair looked so soft, so inviting. All Donghyun wanted to do was reach out and run his fingers through the precious locks. He wondered how Dongmin would react, would he lean into it? Maybe Dongmin would let him pull it or-
"What are you doing Leehan?"
A voice knocked Donghyun out of his thoughts, he blinked absentmindedly, falling back into consciousness. His eyes flickered towards his hand, that was midway in the air, inches from Dongmins head.
He immediately dropped his arm and smiled sheepishly as Dongmin stared at him with slight confusion. Donghyun gulped harshly as his eyes travelled across his features. Dongmin looked beautiful— the bright red hair contrasting with the plump pinkness of his lips was driving Donghyun crazy.
He wasn't sure if he could manage to fight the burning hot blush from spreading across his face when it came to looking Dongmin in the eye.
"Your hair!" Donghyun squeaked out with a toothy smile. "It's red! Wow!" His words came out mildly exasperated as they fell from his mouth. Dongmin's expression changed to a small smirk as he shyly looked downwards. "Oh yeah, it was kind of a last minute decision, Not sure if it fits me."
"What? It fits you perfectly, you look so pretty," Donghyun said, faster than his brain could tell him to zip his lips. He felt a piece of himself wither away with embarrassment, looking over at Sanghyuk who fashioned an amused smirk towards him.
Dongmin smiled at Donghyun, flustered by the small compliment. "Thank you Leehanie~," he chuckled.
Donghyun's heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest from how fast it was beating— And it was all Han Dongmin's fault. Him and his stupid beautiful red hair, his gorgeous face— Donghyun was sure if looks could kill, he'd be long gone by now.
All Donghyun could do was muster up a weak smile before turning to the rest of the group, who were chattering amongst themselves.
He tried to join in on the banter as they walked out of the skatepark but he found his eyes wandering back to Dongmin and his striking hair. It was mesmerising, the way the breeze flowed through his hair, exposing his chiseled side profile to Donghyun walking beside him.
He felt a tingling heat rise up his neck as he looked at Dongmin from the corner of his eye. It was incredibly easy to get lost in the way Dongmin moved, how effortlessly he held himself with a graceful smile. He ached for his embrace—every brush of their fingers lit up his nerves like fire.
Woonhak let out a whine as Dongmin pinched his cheek, slinging a lazy arm around his shoulders. A cute display, just friends play fighting, but that didn't change the mild jealousy bubbling up within Donghyun. It stung more than it should have. Dongmin was always warm, always teasing, but never with him. Donghyun couldn’t help but wonder—was he the exception? Or just not special enough?
He brushed away the thoughts, shaking his head when Sungho announced, "Come on guys! We're here~" Donghyun looked up as they followed Sungho towards the apartment block.
Ever since Sungho began college, he had been whining nonstop about his terrible roommate's— how dirty they were, how loud they were, how annoying they were —he is very picky about who he lives with. But when Jaehyun casually offered to get an apartment with him (he was practically begging Sungho to live together), he couldn't decline.
This was the first time Donghyun had been to their new apartment. He hadn’t had time to visit—his life had been a mess of regrets and last-minute studying ever since the semester caught up to him. "Don't expect anything crazy fancy," Sungho warned Donghyun playfully as the group waited for Jaehyun to unlock the door.
The door opened dramatically as Jaehyun made sound effects— from the side, Dongmin rolled his eyes with a smile on his face, clearly amused by Jaehyun's antics. Donghyun's breath caught in his throat as he stared at him, the redness of his hair catching his attention again.
Call Donghyun crazy but he was one hundred percent sure the red hair made his smile ten times more attractive. He was stunned, in awe, in love.
Donghyun rushed into the apartment, in desperate need to hide his growing blush. He started to untie his shoes when he felt a hand on his shoulder, he looked to the side to see Sanghyuk. "Your staring is so obvious," He said, barely holding in his laughter.
Donghyun pouted and shoved him playfully. "I'm trying as hard as I can, I mean it's hard not to stare... he looks so.." He trailed off, his eyes narrowing down to the floor. "pretty..." he mumbled, shyer than before.
Donghyun’s face burned hotter. He ducked his head, hiding behind a breathy laugh. There was no point in denying it. Not when the word “pretty” tasted so right on his tongue.
-
The group's conversation shifted into the main living area of the apartment. Woonhak and Jaehyun were sitting infront of the television, playing Mario Kart whilst Sungho sat on a beanbag, chatting away with the other three on the sofa.
It was a soft moment, the kind that Donghyun never failed to cherish. From feeling outcasted back in highschool, to being surrounded by friends that truly understood him— it changed him a lot. He was so grateful.
A smile tugged at his lips as he looked at Sanghyuk who was ranting about his dance teacher when he felt a hand on his arm.
"Leehan, can you come get a snack with me?" Donghyun turned, startled to find Dongmin’s face just inches away. The closeness alone nearly knocked the wind from his chest. He could see all the little details— The way his red hair hung over his pleading eyes, searching for Donghyun's approval to follow him into the kitchen. It made his heart stutter and his palms clammy.
"Oh, yeah-yeah, sure," He stumbled out, already rising from his spot on the couch. Dongmin led the way, his fingers brushing briefly against Donghyun’s wrist before dropping away. The apartment buzz softened as they stepped into the kitchen’s quiet hum—the low fridge motor, the faint clink of glasses.
Dongmin reached for a glass in the cupboard above their heads. "Do you want some?" He offered, pulling out another glass for Donghyun. He nodded and let Dongmin manoeuvre around the kitchen, before returning back to Donghyun's side.
The shared quiet was broken when Dongmin spoke again. "You okay, Leehan?" His eyes never met Donghyun's, rather they were trained on pouring their drinks.
It was a simple question. One that shouldn't mean much to either of them, but it hung so deep in his chest. Maybe it was because they were alone, together— maybe because he just needed someone to ask him how he was— or maybe it was just because it was Dongmin who asked, but it made him want to spill his heart out.
Of course, he wasn't reckless. He didn't want to risk the meaningful bond he had created with Dongmin, one he cherished so deeply that he wouldn't let feelings slip through the cracks of desire for more.
"I'm okay," He said, quicker than he meant it to come out. Dongmin hummed, handing a glass over to Donghyun. "You seem quiet— I mean, more quiet than usual," he shrugged.
It wasn't a wrong observation. He was. Donghyun was too busy staring. He couldn't take his eyes off of Dongmin and it was driving him crazy. His mouth ran dry looking at him.
"You kind of remind me of a strawberry with your new hair," Donghyun blurted out between his thoughts.
Dongmin finally looked up, brows raised. “A strawberry?” he echoed, then smiled—really smiled, the kind that made Donghyun’s heart somersault. "That’s a first,” he chuckled, cheeks dusting pink. “I’ll take it as a compliment.”
Donghyun barely registered Dongmin’s words—his mind was still stuck on the fact that he’d said that out loud.
Dongmin wasn't weirded out by his comment? In fact, it made him smile, giggle— in the light and airy way that had Donghyuns stomach swirling with butterflies.
He opened his mouth to say more when a head poked through the doorway. "Ah, there you two are! We're about to do a Mario Kart tournament! Hurry up!" Sungho rushed out excitedly, without a mention of the charged energy in the air. He dipped away as fast as he appeared, leaving the two alone again.
Donghyun looked over to Dongmin— eyes meeting a familiar gaze.
It was always a question to outsiders; How do two such polar opposites find themselves magnetised to each other constantly?
Their bond was unlike others. They never said much to each other, but they knew everything the other was feeling. Unspoken communication, one through simple actions— moments of shared eye contact.
It was an art they had mastered from years of lingering in their shared space. Donghyun found the silence with Dongmin as comforting as the cherished conversations they had. He learned to love it all.
Dongmin was always the shyer one, he looked away first, his fingers flexing around the glass in his hand. "We should go back in," He whispered, his eyes darting to the side. Donghyun admired the soft blush dusted on his face after the eye contact, his fingers curled into his palm as he fought the gentle ache of need. The need to reach in and kiss Dongmin.
His eyes flicked once more to that bright red hair; so soft, so vivid. Like a strawberry ripe with secrets he wasn’t brave enough to taste.
The rest of the night fell back into normality, Donghyun took his seat back on the couch, his mind still spinning from the scene in the kitchen. The moment Dongmin did anything, Donghyun turned to mush—cheeks red, heart racing, barely holding back the urge to grab his face and kiss him senseless.
Dongmin had rushed over to play, being competitive as he is. He sat in front of the television with a blanket over his crossed legs as he took a controller from Sungho.
Donghyun watched from above on the couch, the way he swayed from side to side as he bickered with Jaehyun, who he was against in the race. The way his red hair bounced with every move, his exposed nape sending a shiver down Donghyun's spine.
Dongmin craned his neck to the boys behind him, exposing the slope of his neck. Donghyun was on fire, his eyes barely managing to look away from the way his adams apple moved when he laughed. A few strands of hair fell infront of his face as he giggled, Donghyun noticed it right away. He found it endearing, the way Dongmin would run a hand through his hair just for it would fall back into place.
Along the way, his train of thought must've stumbled into actions as Donghyun had slid off the edge of the sofa, shifting to Dongmin's side. He was still chatting with the others, not even aware of Donghyun getting closer.
Before he even realised what he was doing, his body moved first—quiet instinct, drawn by the way that strand danced across Dongmin’s cheek.
He hesitated, hand hovering for a moment. Was it too much? Too soft, too soon? But his fingers moved anyway, tucking the strand behind Dongmin’s ear like it was second nature.
It was a subtle, feather light touch. It wasn't an act of desperation, it was friendly, but it made Donghyun's ears burn up as Dongmin's eyes flickered to meet his gaze. A look of surprise, it made Donghyun's worries melt away— he looked like a shocked kitten.
Dongmin's eyes softened, "Thank you," he muttered with a shy smile tugging on his lips. Donghyun’s lips twitched into a smile, heart thudding beneath his ribs. He turned to retreat (maybe escape the warmth crawling up his neck) when Dongmin’s voice stopped him in his tracks.
"Sit beside me, Leehanie?"
There was nothing remarkable about the way Dongmin said it—soft, easy—but it landed like something sacred. Dongmin had always been hesitant when it came to asking for something, and Donghyun waited either way.
Donghyun had waited years to be wanted like that, even in the smallest ways.
“Y-Yeah, of course,” Donghyun stammered, the words tumbling out before he could gather them into something smoother. He hoped his grin didn’t give away how his chest was quietly falling apart. It was just an empty spot on the floor beside him, but Donghyun had never wanted to fill a space more in his life.
Donghyun settled beside him, the space suddenly warmer, heavier, just from their shoulders brushing. Dongmin shifted, pulling the blanket from around himself and spreading it over both their legs. His hand grazed Donghyun’s thigh in the process—casual, fleeting, yet it sent a current straight through him.
Although it went unnoticed by Dongmin, it unintentionally set Donghyun's senses on fire. The softness of those hands, he craved them. He’d let Dongmin explore every inch of him, if only he’d reach.
It was a struggle to look away, not when Dongmin’s smallest movements tugged at him like a thread wrapped tight around his chest. Donghyun’s eyes traced the movement of Dongmin’s hands as they reached for the controller again—fluid, unhurried, familiar.
His gaze lingered. The pads of Dongmin’s fingers were tinted a soft pink—maybe from the dye? Donghyun wasn’t sure. But he adored it, like every quiet detail that made Dongmin feel just a little more real, a little more his.
He loved the small aspects of Dongmin, his little quirks and mannerisms that are just so effortlessly him. Like how he never wore gloves when handling dye, always shrugging it off with a grin, even when his fingers stayed stained for days. It was silly, kind of reckless, and so painfully endearing.
There were other things too, the quiet mannerisms and soft quirks Donghyun had collected over the years, almost without noticing. Like how he always covered his mouth whenever he was showered with compliments, his shy side shining through. How he always tugged at the sleeves of his hoodie when he was cold, or how he would always stop to pet a cat if he spotted it on the street. Just another part of his charm—a quiet warmth with a rocky exterior.
They were small, treasured pieces of Dongmin that Donghyun will always cherish. He kept them safely stored in the corners of his heart, where longing settled and never quite left.
He exhaled through his nose, a fond smile curling at his lips. He didn’t need words. Sitting here, with Dongmin’s warmth brushing against his side, felt like all the confessions he was too afraid to say—spoken in silence.
Time slipped through Donghyun’s fingers like sand—between the chaos of Mario Kart, Just Dance, and the endless nonsense they rambled to each other, night fell quietly around them. Tiredness creeped up on the boys like a low whisper, one by one, they started to lull into their personal dreamworlds, fast asleep— the quiet hum of the movie they were watching mixing with the soft snores in the background.
Donghyun wasn't one to stay up, but this particular night his brain was working overtime. He tried to ignore the fluttering in his stomach, the heat creeping up the back of his neck as his eyes flickered down to the weight on his shoulder.
Somewhere along the way, Dongmin dozed off, resting his head on Donghyun's shoulder. He leaned in, his soft cheeks rubbing against the fabric of his sweater in his sleep. Donghyun could feel the subtle tingle of his hair brushing away his face when he turned to stare down at him.
Dongmin looked impossibly peaceful beside him; his lips gently parted, cheeks softly flushed, skin glowing faintly in the dim light. His red hair framed his face like the petals of something blooming—sweet, vivid. Like a strawberry Donghyun wanted to take a bite out of.
He bit his lip, heart thudding, before his hand rose, slow, hesitant, hovering just above that bright, familiar hair.
He let his fingers drift through Dongmin’s hair, combing gently through the strands. He started to pet him lightly, his touch gentle but soothing against Dongmin's scalp. He watched the movie in intervals, eyes drifting down to Dongmin again and again—drawn to the way his chest rose and fell, slow and steady. This was all Donghyun had ever wanted, it felt so special, so domestic.
Deep down though, Donghyun knew he shouldn't be letting his own feelings get in his way. He had to remind himself that this wasn't another one of his dreams; another reality that he and Dongmin were both happily together.
He slowly withdrew his hand from Dongmin's hair, it was slightly messy, with pieces sticking up from the way Donghyun had played with it. He drank in every detail, from the messy hair, parted lips to the faint crease between his brows; each one sweet and aching. And yet, his heart throbbed with something too close to longing to ignore.
Still asleep, Dongmin shifted in his space? leaning into where Donghyun’s touch had been, a soft whine slipping from his lips. Donghyun froze, heart twisting, afraid even to breathe.
Donghyun stared ahead, eyes locked on the television, though none of it registered. Slowly, he raised his hand again, his touch gentle, cautious— like Dongmin might shatter beneath it. His fingers drifted through Dongmin’s hair, slow and tender, his touch barely more than a whisper against his scalp.
His eyebrows relaxed and his face softened into a content smile— the reaction alone melted Donghyun's heart as he finally had the courage to tear his eyes away from the movie playing. He didn't expect his crush to be leaning on his shoulder, asleep as Donghyun played with his hair, let alone get this close to him in the first place.
It was dizzying having Dongmin soft and sleeping against him, trusting him in this way. It felt like sharing a secret, one too precious to speak aloud.
He treasured every moment of it, even if a part of him swallowed the bitter feeling in his throat— the silent knowing that despite their bond, it will never blossom into anything more than platonic. But none of that mattered right now. Not when Dongmin was with him.
Donghyun twirled a strand of Dongmin’s hair between his fingers, eyelids becoming heavier as the minutes ticked by until sleep consumed him wholly.
~
The apartment was still silent by the time morning came, the usual bustle of daytime rushing around the house was instead filled with soft snores and sleeping boys. By the time midday arrived, the once quiet home was consumed by the soft clatter of dishes and sizzle of frying meat on the stove.
It took Donghyun a moment to remember where he was, he blinked slowly as he adjusted his eyes to the glare of sunlight casting down on him. He was exhausted, as much as he wanted to stay awake; the lack of sleep seemed to drag him down. He just groaned lowly and leaned into the warmth he rested on.
"Ah, you're awake?" A voice chimed, catching Donghyun's attention. His body froze as he realized where he had fallen asleep—the steady heartbeat beneath his cheek gave it away. He must've moved into Dongmin's arms. Shit.
Donghyun pulled away, rushing out a string of apologies as the embarrassment caught up to him. His throat dried up. He couldn’t look at Dongmin—couldn’t bear to see disgust or confusion on his face. He braced for it, chest tightening.
He ran a hand through his hair, eyes darting from left to right until they landed back on Dongmin— who stared back with a raised eyebrow, stopping him in his tracks.
"It's okay, Leehanie, I didn't mind holding you," He tugged at his sleeve and gave a half-smile, like it wasn’t a big deal, his voice laced with a careful sincerity. Donghyun was at a loss for words. He didn't expect him to say anything like that.
He had been wrong. And that terrified him
“You two look cozy. Finally ready to wake up and join the land of the living?” Jaehyun smirked, tossing himself onto the couch and slinging an arm around Dongmin’s shoulder like he belonged there. Donghyun’s eye twitched as he watched it happen, the ease with which Jaehyun filled the space beside Dongmin, his space, moments ago.
Maybe it was a blessing, he thought. Letting Jaehyun cut through the silence he’d been too afraid to break.
He knew his stare was heavy on Dongmin as the words replayed in his mind. Was it even possible? Could Dongmin be fawning over him, or was it just his own heart—so full of want and love, guiding him blindly toward something that wasn’t real?
He couldn’t afford to get his hopes up, not when the risk meant losing the boy he’d loved for what felt like lifetimes.
So Donghyun just stared silently, watching the two of them laugh, feeling like a ghost on the outside of a boy he wanted too much.
It was hard to imagine a world without Dongmin in it—especially when he seemed to belong so perfectly in every version of Donghyun’s future. He was the constant, the comfort, the quiet center of it all. Losing him would be losing the only pillar keeping him standing upright.
Donghyun would give up his own happiness if it meant Dongmin kept smiling. He loved the way his eyes turned to crescents when he laughed, how he always tried to stifle it when Jaehyun cracked another dumb joke. Donghyun’s chest ached with the force of it—he wanted Dongmin to be happy forever, for eternity.
His gaze drifted again to the soft, vivid red of Dongmin’s hair. The curve of his bangs, the way they bounced when he moved, it was hypnotic. Donghyun never meant to stare, but he always did. And every time Dongmin squirmed under the weight of his gaze, something darker and deeper stirred inside him.
Dongmin would always catch him. He’d try to hold the eye contact, then shy away after a few seconds, cheeks tinted pink.
“Leehan-ah, you look like you’re about to eat me,” he whined with a smile, ducking behind his hands. Donghyun only blinked at him, lips tugging into a smirk, the reaction feeding something electric in his chest.
~
Donghyun was a talkative person. (Out of nerves? He wasn't too sure.) He went on rants often— about everything and anything. From his fishkeeping hobby to his conspiracies about aliens, if the someone listened—he'd speak.
As the evening crept in and the group began to part ways, Donghyun wasn’t surprised to find himself walking beside Dongmin again. Somehow, they always ended up like this. As if there was a thread tied between them, quietly pulling them back into each other’s orbit.
He liked walking with Dongmin. The other boy never said much, but he was always there, strolling casually with his hands in his pockets, his gaze flicking between the empty streets and the passing scenery.
Even if he seemed detached, Donghyun knew he was listening. Dongmin always remembered things. He took in every detail, tucking them away for later.
Dongmin didn’t open up much himself. Donghyun had tried, gently, over time—but his efforts were always met with a quiet deflection.
“It’s okay,” Dongmin would say, voice soft, “I like hearing you talk.”
The words were always so genuine, so unbothered, that the heat flushing Donghyun’s cheeks couldn’t be blamed on the weather.
Maybe that’s why he was caught off guard when Dongmin was the one to finally break the silence.
“Do you think it looks bad?” Dongmin mumbled.
“Huh?” Donghyun blinked, glancing over in confusion. He watched Dongmin fidget with his hair, brows furrowed in quiet frustration.
“My hair,” Dongmin sighed, lips curving into a pout as he tugged his hood up over his head. “Maybe it’s… too much.”
Donghyun nearly snapped his neck turning to face him, eyes wide. The words hit him like a slap—Dongmin? Insecure? About that hair?
It felt criminal. A tragedy. Like watching a star forget it could shine.
His hands twitched at his sides, aching to reach out and cradle Dongmin’s face, to tell him everything. That his hair was the sun that lit Donghyun’s whole sky. That he’d spent the last twenty-four hours dazed, drunk off the softness, the brightness, the color of it all.
He deserved to know. He deserved to know what he did to Donghyun’s heart.
“Too much? Taesan, you look perfect. Like, crazy perfect.” He didn’t know when his legs stopped moving. Maybe it was the beat of stinging silence that followed the reckless comment, or maybe it was the way Dongmin stared back at him with that gaping expression.
Donghyun’s eyes flickered back and forth between his eyes, trying to read in between the lines, a desperate attempt to make sense of his expression— to catch an ounce of emotion he could hold onto.
His thoughts churned in his stomach, dread catching sharp in his throat. All he did was fear— Had he said something wrong? Had he said too much?
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean–” Donghyun felt the fear rising in his chest as he tried to shove the words back in his mouth. How desperately he wanted to rewind time just to spare him from the look on Dongmin’s face, but all he could do was panic.
“Do you really think that?” Dongmin’s words came out above a whisper, tender and shy, as if he was tip-toeing around a sleeping bear. All Donghyun could do was freeze as his question sunk in.
It was all too simple for Donghyun, he could see Dongmin’s beauty so easily but the other couldn’t see the way it made his brain short-circuit. How every movement seemed to lock him in a trance, every word that came out his mouth made him nervous— every touch making him giddy.
He sucked in a breath before letting it go, his shoulders relaxing. His eyes flickered up to meet Dongmin’s, studying the look of hesitation written all over him. He was so easy to read when he was face to face with Donghyun like this. With the fear so clearly glistening in his eyes.
“Of course I do, Taesan-ah,” Donghyun’s nails dug into the palm of his hand as he spoke, as though the sting might distract him from whatever pain Dongmin’s words were about to bring. Except they never came. All that followed was silence so jarring it made Donghyun feel a disgusting wave of nausea pass through him.
Dongmin’s gaze dropped for a second, his fingers curling slightly at his sides. The way he shifted on his feet caught Donghyuns attention, it was a small, unsure movement making his breath hitch. Dongmin’s lips were parted like he wanted to say something but hadn’t quite gathered the words yet.
“...You always say things like that,” he murmured, eyebrows drawing together.
Donghyun blinked. “Like what?”
“Like I’m beautiful. Like I’m… worth something.” His voice cracked ever so slightly at the end. He looked away again, chewing on his bottom lip. “It messes with my head.”
Donghyun’s heart stuttered.
This was a side of Dongmin he had never been graced with, it wasn't like the confident ‘Taesan’ he projected when he performed on stage, nor was it the quiet ‘Dongminie’ that sat playing with the loose thread of his jumper. No, this was different, an unseen version of him.
Dongmin had always struggled to express his feelings. Hearing them spill out now, so suddenly, made Donghyun realise how differently he shone under the night sky. The way the street lights hugged at his features, contouring the subtle frown pulling at his lips. He couldn’t help but look up at his hair, the light bouncing off the vivid red, putting Donghyun in a trance.
“And that look… You always give me that look,” Dongmin’s voice was strained as he spoke, running a hand through his hair, as if he had been fighting an inner battle against his own thoughts.
“You look at me with that hunger in your eyes, like you adore me,” He scoffed, his lips quirked up into a small smirk before staring at Donghyun— tired eyes meeting his own.
A sigh left Dongmin’s lips. “But I know…” he trailed off, shaking his head.
“Never mind.”
Something itched at Donghyun. It told him to speak up, act on his words and prove him wrong but his mouth never moved. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move, only stand there, helpless, as shame crept up Dongmin’s face.
“I-I need to go,” Dongmin whispered, brushing past Donghyun as he walked away. He moved without thinking, grabbing his wrist to stop him from running away.
“Taesan I-”
But Dongmin flinched. It wasn’t subtle— it was sharp, like Donghyun’s hand had scalded him. He pulled back as if he was burned, his breath catching in his throat.
Donghyun’s hand lingered in the air, frozen in place, his fingers curling around nothing. His chest tightened. It was like the whole world had taken a step back from him.
The sudden coldness hit him like a slap. Not just the air, but Dongmin’s silence, the emptiness where closeness used to fill the space.
“Forget it,” Dongmin’s voice was quiet and trembling, his gaze never meeting the eyes staring him down. “Forget everything I said, please Leehan.”
It was a pathetic sight— Donghyun letting the boy of his dreams slip through his grasp. He felt suffocated, choked up by his own stupidity as Dongmin faded out of view. He felt helpless with how things seemed to have flipped upside down in the matter of seconds. Then the pain settled deep in his gut, a sharp stinging twist in his throat as the tears welled up.
The one he adored the most, shattered to pieces by his own actions. He’d never forget the look on Dongmin’s face; his tear brimmed eyes and trembling lip felt like a stab to the heart.
Donghyun didn’t follow his trail. He didn’t even try to text him— his mind stuck on autopilot mode. There were so many things he wished to take back, so many ways he would have comforted Dongmin. He just wanted to spill his heart out, but his own mind wouldn’t let him.
Perhaps he was a coward. Too scared to face his own feelings that he ended up misleading the one person whom he's ever loved. Donghyun gritted his teeth as he pushed open the door of his dorm, throwing off his shoes in frustration.
He couldn’t be mad at anyone but himself. All Donghyun could do was stare at the ceiling as he laid on his bed, mind spinning, chest heavy, shivering— missing the warmth of the blanket he once shared with Dongmin.
~
Everything had shifted after that night with Dongmin. Donghyun moved like a ghost, phasing through his days as they bled into one indistinguishable blur.
He wasn’t sure how long it had been since he’d gone outside—maybe days, maybe longer. The passage of time felt meaningless under the weight of the guilt pressing down on his chest like a stone.
His phone lay untouched beside him, still on silent, the group chat unread. He couldn’t bear to look. He gripped his bedsheets so tightly his knuckles ached, trying to hold himself together.
A single thought gnawed at him, low and constant: they were better off without him. Facing them meant facing that night. Facing Dongmin.
And he couldn’t do either.
The only thing that broke him out of the spiral was a loud knock on the door one morning, startling him back into reality. He hadn’t ordered anything. His roommate had left early for classes. There was no reason for anyone to be here.
Half-tempted to ignore it, Donghyun stayed frozen until the pounding grew louder, more insistent. He groaned, dragging himself into the living area, running a hand through his tangled hair.
Donghyun cracked the door open slightly—
“Hey dude”
Jaehyun’s voice rang out before Donghyun could react. The door swung open fully as Jaehyun stepped in uninvited, he set a white plastic bag down beside him, bending down to untie his shoes as he ranted about some random chaos that went on during his morning class.
Donghyun just blinked, too stunned to stop him.
“Why are you here, hyung?” He cut him off abruptly.
Jaehyun stayed quiet, his gaze facing the door, deep in thought. He let out a sigh before looking up to meet Donghyun’s face, staring, really staring. It made Donghyun feel small under his gaze. He hated it. How easy it was for Jaehyun to get under his skin.
“Leehan, you've not replied in days,” he sighed, clenching and unclenching his fists. “groupchat’s been basically dead without your fish rants,” he scoffed, voice lighter than his expression.
Donghyun’s mouth opened, then shut again. There were no excuses.
“And Taesan.” Jaehyun continued, voice dropping lower. “He’s been off too. Won’t say why, just keeps zoning out. Even snapped at Woonhak the other day— Woonhak. That's how you know somethings wrong.”
A bitter taste settled in Donghyun’s mouth, stomach twisting at the mention of his name.
Dongmin was upset. And it was because of him. There was no worse feeling than that.
“I sorta put two and two together,” Jaehyun added, holding up the plastic bag. “And bought you your favourite drink. Oh and also that weird tasting ramen you eat whenever you're upset.”
“...I’m not upset,” Donghyun mumbled, yet he didn't even believe his own words.
Jaehyun just snorted and made his way to the kitchen, already filling the kettle with water. “Right, and I'm debuting in a ballet next month.”
Donghyun sank onto the couch, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palms.
There was a pause, the quiet simmer of the kettle filling the air.
“What happened?” Jaehyun finally spoke, not looking at him, busy pouring the water into the pan with noodles. Donghyun let his head fall back, eyes glued to a dark spot on the ceiling.
The question hung in the air like smoke. He felt himself choking up at the thought of Dongmin, clouding his thoughts with mist.
Truthfully, a part of him didn’t want to admit that he was the reason Dongmin was acting like this, but the other part didn’t know what to say. Donghyun was afraid, afraid of spilling the truth that he had kept within him for so achingly long. Too many questions floated through his mind;
How would Jaehyun react? Would he be mad? Disgusted? Both?
Will he stop being friends with him?
Does Dongmin even realise this has affected him as well?
Donghyun gritted his teeth, eyes diverted towards the ground, “It’s nothing… exam stress at most, I dunno.” Pathetic excuse.
Jaehyun saw right through his blatant lie.
“Bullshit. Tell me the truth,” Jaehyun said, setting the steaming bowl of ramen on the table. He didn’t sit—just stared, sharp-eyed, towering over Donghyun like he could will the truth out of him.
After a beat of silence, Jaehyun sat on the floor, picking up the chopsticks. “Fine! I guess the ramen is all mine,” he said, already digging into the meal. Donghyun snapped his head, watching the teasing lilt of his face as he brought the noodles to his mouth.
“...Okay,” Donghyun exhaled, shoulders sagging, “I’ll tell you everything.”
_
His mouth ran dry as he sat face to face with Jaehyun. It felt as though a stone was lodged in his throat, his hands clenched in his lap, the silence stretching longer than it should’ve. Jaehyun didn’t say anything, he just drummed his fingers on the table like he had all the time in the world. It was annoying. Infuriating yet comforting. Exactly what Donghyun needed.
He exhaled, finally saying, “It’s about Dongmin…”
Jaehyun’s eyes flickered up in interest, the soft thrum on his fingertips against the wooden table stopping.
“I…I think I messed up,” Donghyun stared at the palm of his hands, voice barely audible. “No. I know I did.”
The intense stare that Jaehyun gave him sent a cold shiver down his neck, yet he never interrupted. Donghyun swallowed thickly. “He told me something. Something personal. Something raw. And I just..froze. I couldn’t say what I needed to say. I couldn’t tell him how I feel.”
Donghyun paused, gnawing at the inside of his cheek.
“He thinks I pity him, like I’m doing him a favour but I’m not. It’s never been like that… I’ve just always been in love with him.” He took a shaky breath, trying to steady himself. Donghyun’s eyes never looked away from the floor as he spoke, the words spilling out like a burst pipe. He couldn’t stop himself. “It’s exhausting— Like everytime he walks into the room I forget how to function. I can't look at him without falling a little harder.”
His voice cracked, “And now he’s hurting because of me. Because I just let him walk away.”
The air was thick and heavy with the weight of Donghyun’s words.
“I guess I never realised he was already giving me a thousand chances to tell him how I felt, how long I've dreamed of loving him. And now… he’s gone. He walked away and I didn’t even stop him.”
Donghyun’s head dropped, shoulders tense as the build up of guilt began to twist in his stomach. “I’m an idiot,” He finished with a deep sigh.
Jaehyun let out a long sigh, finally sliding the bowl to Donghyun’s side of the table. “Yeah,” he said. “You kinda are.”
Donghyun blinked, caught off guard.
“But you’re not heartless. And you’re not too late—yet.”
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “You love him? Then do something about it. Be there. Or someone else will be, and you’ll hate yourself for letting that happen.”
_
Donghyun barely got any sleep that night. He couldn’t rest. Not when his mind was working overtime, thinking of ways to piece together the fragile feelings he’d carelessly shattered.
When morning came, that dull ache in his chest returned, heavier than ever. He tried to distract himself from the static hum in the back of his head.
The guilt that clung onto him like a second skin, one that he desperately wanted to crawl out of. Donghyun wasn’t sure where his legs were carrying him as he moved through the streets of Seoul. He carried himself inwards, shoulders hunched with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, he weaved through crowds with ease until he turned down a familiar alley. One that felt carved into him now.
And there it was.
The skate park.
Donghyun told himself he didn’t come here on purpose. That it was a coincidence. That his heart hadn’t dragged him right to the place Dongmin always disappeared to.
The scent of distant cigarette smoke clung to the air, mingling with the rhythmic scratch of wheels on concrete. His eyes locked onto a familiar figure in the distance; sitting on his skateboard, one leg pulled up, beanie low over his hair. Even still, Donghyun knew him instantly.
Dongmin.
He was never hard to spot, even before the vivid red hair. Dongmin had the kind of presence that turned heads— those sharp eyes, the quiet charisma, a posture that made everything he did seem effortless.
Donghyun’s heart twisted. From the first time he’d seen Dongmin across the cafeteria, quiet, self-contained yet mesmerising, to now— where he sat alone beneath a grey sky, Donghyun knew his feelings hadn’t dulled.
If anything, they’d grown louder.
He looked different now, though. Not in how he dressed, but in how he held himself. A bit more folded inward. A little more guarded.
Donghyun watched him intently, the stare bordering on reverent. He took in the way Dongmin pulled out his phone, stared at the screen, and tucked it back in his pocket with a small sigh.
The frown that lingered on his lips. It made Donghyun wonder: had he crossed his mind? Was Dongmin thinking of him, missing him, wanting him the way he did?
Their bond had always been something delicate, quietly intimate. Every shared glance, every accidental brush of skin, felt like something sacred. They walked so carefully around each other, never daring to say too much—but Donghyun had always felt it. That electricity. That possibility.
The nights were the worst. Lying in bed where he was chasing memories of Dongmin’s voice, wishing he could feel the press of his warmth beside him—he wanted all of it. All of Dongmin. In every way. He just hoped—prayed—that maybe, somehow, Dongmin wanted the same.
Donghyun wasn’t sure how long he’d been standing there, lost in thought. But something in the air shifted when Dongmin’s head turned—and their eyes met.
Neither of them moved. For a breath, maybe two, they just stared, letting the quiet recognition sink in. Like the world had narrowed down to this single moment.
And just like that, Donghyun forgot how to breathe.
Dongmin was the first to move, eyes darting to the floor in a subtle panic. Donghyun watched as he tensed, the guilt coiling in his stomach again.
That didn’t stop him from moving further, approaching Dongmin with a steady stride. Donghyun stood over him, his shadow falling across Dongmin, who stared at the ground like he hadn’t noticed, even though they both knew he had.
“I know you saw me, Taesan,” he said softly, making him flinch. After a moment of silence passed, Donghyun crouched down and moved closer to his body. “I need to talk to you,” Donghyun’s voice was shaky with nerves. His heart pounded like it wanted to climb out of his chest.
“Okay,” Dongmin quietly replied as he played with the drawstrings of his hoodie, a nervous habit.
Donghyun swallowed down his nerves, running a hand through his hair. His eyes flickered up to scan Dongmin’s face. “I didn’t mean to confuse you the other night,” Donghyun said with furrowed eyebrows. “I just.. didn’t know how to tell you that I think you’re beautiful. That I've always thought so.”
Dongmin’s fidgeting hands halted as he searched for any sort of silent lie in his words. He blinked, mouth parting slightly. His voice soft as he replied, “You really think that?”
Donghyun looked back with kindness in his eyes and a sincere smile on his face, “I think about it all the time.”
There was a beat of silence, he watched the way his gaze softened, a smile spreading on his lips. Donghyun’s heart skipped a beat— the subtle tint of pink dusting his cheeks, his smile. He could brighten up a room.
“Thank you, Donghyun,” he shyly whispered.
The use of his name caught Donghyun off guard—it felt special coming from Dongmin’s mouth, like it belonged there. It was said so perfectly, like it was meant for him alone. Donghyun needed to hear it again.
Dongmin’s hands drifted to the hem of his hoodie, fingers tugging nervously, but he didn’t flinch when Donghyun brushed his knee against his own. He stayed there, close.
The silence between them wasn’t heavy anymore. It was warm. Full of things unsaid, but no longer unbearable. The distance that once felt impossible now folded in, slow and quiet, until their breaths moved in rhythm.
The sky dimmed to a deep orange, soft and slow, like the day itself was exhaling. The sun spilled gold across the concrete, casting light over Dongmin’s features; they were softer now, less guarded. Donghyun couldn’t help staring.
Then, gently, Dongmin rested his head against his shoulder.
Donghyun’s breath caught in his throat as a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. His heart was pounding, so loud he swore Dongmin could hear it, but he didn’t pull away.
He leaned in instead, letting his head rest against Dongmin’s, closing his eyes as the weight of the moment settled over them.
If words failed, this would be enough.