Chapter Text
When he saw Luo Binghe fall, he knew he made the wrong choice.
Shen Qingqiu stood there at the edge of the abyss, his sword still stretched out in front of him. He watched as the flames of the abyss vanished as the crack in the earth closed. All around him the screams of cultivators and dying beasts stilled.
He killed his white lotus, after all this time he killed the one person who cared for him in this shit novel. Shen Qingqiu stood there until his knees collapsed in exhaustion. He let Xiu ya bounce out of his grasp when it hit the ground. He still stared at the barely visible outline of what used to be, he didn't even notice the tears falling down his face.
Shen Qingqiu.. shouldn't have done it. He should have taken the punishment. Hugging the protagonist's thighs was fine but he grew too attached to his white lotus. He didn't want him to go through the endless abyss, he should have put the blade down. He was even worse than the original goods.
With a shaky hand he grabbed a fragment of Zheng yang. Shen Qingqiu finally tore his eyes away from the ground to look at the shard in his right hand. Through blurry eyes he took note of how blood slowly dripped down his wrists but he couldn't care less.
He moved his hand so the shard end of the broken blade would rest on his neck. A shiver went down his spine when he felt the cold meet warm skin, the contrast was staggering.
He barely registered that the force field around the arena was shut off. What he did register was the sudden sounds of people all around him. He couldn't take the sound, everything was so loud.
He should.. do it before the others come. That way he didn't have to do it in front of people.
But, wouldn’t that rob Luo Binghe of his much deserved revenge? That's why she shouldn't.
Ha.
It was just an excuse, wasn't it?
He’s pathetic isn’t he.
Shen Qingqiu passed out before the others arrived.
—
His awareness drifted in and out for a long time. At least that's what he thinks, days could have passed and he wouldn't have realized it. It was like drifting on clouds. He was comfortable, sleeping on his bed at home while rain spattered on his window of his highrise. Shen yuan liked those days, even if his weak bones became stiff from the humidity.
He heard people talking. Shen Qingqiu frowned and grumbled “ Binghe, there's no visitors this early, this master has already told you. “ and then reality hit him.
“ BINGHE! “ Shen Qingqiu yelled and bolted into a sitting position. The whispering stopped and his eyes snapped to the previous source, Liu Qingge and Mu Qingfang were looking back. The doctor was already by his side and had a hand on his shoulder, pushing him gently but forcefully onto his back. Shen Qingqiu squirmed under the hold.
“ Careful Shen Qixiong, “ Mu Qingfang warned. “ You nearly suffered a Qi deviation; your meridians are all out of sorts so you need to be careful. “
Shen qingqiu frowned at the doctor. “ I can assure you that this master is fine. I suggest you put your efforts to those who need it, like the kids who were injured during the catastrophe. “
Mu Qingfang minutely furrowed his brow and glanced at Liu Qingge, who only shrugged. They both looked at him as if he was a spooked cat. “ Shen Qixiong.. It's been almost 6 shichen since the incident occurred. You have been in a coma for that long. “
“ What? How? “ he blurted out, getting up into a sitting position again despite Mu Qingfang's protests. The bed was stiff, not unlike the beds he used to lay on when Shen Yuan was in those hospitals in his past life, he tried to find a comfortable place but gave up and looked at Mu Qingfang, who was looking at him assessedly. That definitely didn't make him jump.
“ This shidi is not sure. Usually comas are induced by traumatic brain injury, stroke, or lack of oxygen. However when we found you, you had injuries normal for nighthunts, there was no indication you lacked any oxygen. There might be a possibility that your meridians were too stressed for your body to handle. I'm sorry this one doesn't have enough information to answer your question. “
Mu Qingfang bowed, looking guilty. Liu Qingge scoffed and went to Shen Qingqiu, holding up his wrist to check his meridians. While he did that, shen Qingqiu stared at Mu Qingfang. Why was he guilty? He wasn't the one who made him pass out. He patted his shoulder nervously.
“ It's alright, shidi. What matters now is that i’m.. “ he hesitated, looking back to what his thoughts were before he passed out. His hand twitched. The cut from zheng yang has long since healed, the scar almost vanished as well. “ ..awake and alive. It wouldn't have been the case if you hadn't arrived on time. “
Which I was hoping for, he didn't say. Shen Qingqiu couldn't burden his shidis with his thoughts. Or what truly happened that day, which they will surely ask when he recovers.
“ You are still weak. “ Liu Qingge stated, then roughly shoved him down onto the bed. “ Rest. “
He left after his declaration. Mu Qingfang looked at his retreating back with exasperation. But he looked back at Shen Qingqiu with a soft smile.
“ Liu Shixiong is right, please rest some more before we can discuss what happened during the conference. “
He walked to the open of the tent and blew out the fire that kept light.
Shen Qingqiu didn't sleep that night.
—
“ Luo binghe is dead. “ Shen Qingqiu announced at the peak lord meeting that was established for the aftermath of the chaos. " He was downed by the demons that brought disorder during the conference. “
Everyone around them looked at the state of Shen Qingqiu. He looked blank, as if this news didn't affect him. But if one would look closely, the hands that rested on the table were shaking and no disciple stood behind him.
There was a beat of silence to honor Shen Qingqius' prized disciples death. Then the meeting continued as if he was only a memory. Shen Qingqiu looked down at his hands.
Maybe luo binghe is a memory. The memory of the white lotus who followed him like a dog, happy to serve his shizun.
He forced himself to pay attention to the meeting, to distract himself from the pain that was aching deep inside him.
It was fine. Shen Qingqiu was fine.
—
Shen Qingqiu couldn't take it anymore. He was on the floor of the bamboo house. Tears threatened to fall as he hyperventilated. He was struggling to breathe, his hand clenched over his heart with a desperation to rip it out. He tried to move but only collapsed. He made an effort to get up with his free hand on his bed, but his arms were too weak.
His eyes darted everywhere as he tried to make sense of his surroundings. But his tears blurred his vision causing everything to be fuzzing. He didn't know what he was looking for. His heart beating faster by the minute. Shen Qingqiu heard a choked out sob and barely registered that it came from him. As he moved blindly, his hand suddenly touched something cold.
Shen Qingqiu tried to reign in his breath and blinked several times until he saw that it was Xiu Ya.
Do it.
The voice sounded suspiciously like Bingge.
But he was right. Shen Qingqiu should do it. He failed his disciple. He failed to save him from the endless abyss. He should have died instead. He was so selfish. It was the least he could do for luo binghe.
To die.
With strength that wasn't there before, Shen qingqiu grabbed Xiu Ya and held it to his throat. But he hesitated.
It's what luo binghe deserves.
Yes.. it is what he deserves. That gives him courage.
And he slit his throat.
—
Ning yingying knocked on the door of the bamboo house and glanced nervously at Ming fang. Shizun wasn't answering the door.
“ Surely he would have remembered that he was supposed to teach class today. “ She mumbled, moreso to herself. Ming fan knocked this time, louder than hers.
“ Do you think he's asleep? “ Ning yingying asked hopefully, wishing her shixiong would have an answer. Before he could respond they heard a loud thump. They looked at each other in alarm.
“ Apologies to shizun! “ Ming fan yelled before kicking the door down. They frantically looked around the main room, no one was there.
“ Shizun?1 “ Ming Fan cried out as he rushed to check the kitchen. Ning yingying decided to go to the bedroom for her search.
“ Shizu- AAAHHH! “ Her hands flew into her mouth as she saw the scene before her. Shen Qingqiu on the floor, blood pouring from his neck. She rushed to his side and tried to put pressure on the wound. She looked in horror as blood stained her pale hands.
Ming fan, who heard Ning yingying’s scream stumbled into the room, Only for him to yell out and rush to Shen Qingqiu's side too. He poured spiritual energy into him and saw how weak his meridians were and his heart barely beating with the amount of blood he lost.
“ Ming Fan, Ming fan get out the emergency talisman and get Mu Qingfang! “ Ning yingying choked out as she pressed harder. Her spiritual energy was too weak to do much to help. Ming fan took off his hands from the wound and shuddered on how much blood there was.
“ I-I will! “ he started sobbing as he looked inside Shen Qingqiu's robes for the qiankun pouch he knew his shizun kept for emergencies. He kept saying “ I’m sorry “ over and over again as he felt inside Shen Qingqiu's sleeves. He noticed how cold he was to the touch.
He opened multiple pouches hoping for the right one. “ Yes! “ he exclaimed when he found it. As quickly as he could he searched with his shaking hands. He took out the talisman with the hand with the least amount of blood, afraid that it would mess up the writing. He slapped it against the floor to activate it and went back to trying to heal his shizun.
“ Who would do this? “ Ning yingying cried, hands slipping slightly, their shizun unresponsive. Ming fan glanced around until it stopped on Shen Qingqiu's right hand, which held Xiu Ya.
“ He.. did it himself. “ Ming fan muttered, his eyes wide. Ning YingYing looked at him in disbelief.
“ Sh-shizun would not! I mean Luo binghe is gone but shizun wouldn't.. Wouldn't. He just wouldn't! “ She denied shaking her head aggressively. Ming fan pointed at the sword that was glistening with blood.
There was a beat of silence with only their ragged sobs being heard.
“ Why.. would he?! “ Her cries spread anew as she laid her forehead on Shen Qingqiu's chest. The beats are far too weak, their spiritual energy only hanging him on a thread.
They heard footsteps rush through the bamboo house, doors already flown open. Three peak lords arrived, and all were stunned silent.
“ PLEASE! HELP SHIZUN! “ Ning Yingying screamed, pushing them to motion. Mu Qingfang's doctor facade broke as he felt how weak Shen QIngqius pulse was, shen Qingqiu didn't even stir.
“ Who did this to him! “ Liu Qingge scowled, Cheng luan already out.
“ He did this to himself. “ Snot and tears falling down Ming fans' face. “ No one but him was here! “
“ But why would he.. “ Yue Qingyuan's voice trailed off as he stared at him.
“ We don't know! He was fine yesterday! But- but he didn't come to classes today so we came to check on him! And then- then we found him like this! “
Mu Qingfang snapped at Liu Qingge, “ Get over here! I need you to carry him to Qian Cao, he's lost too much blood to do anything here! “
In a flurry of motion, Liu Qingge picked up Shen Qingqiu, and rushed out on his sword. Mu qingfang quickly followed. Ming Fan And Ning Yingying got up to do the same but were stopped by the sect leader. He looked at them wearily.
“ I suggest you two stay here, “ He tried to look composed but failed.
“ But- “
The sect leader shook his head and Ming Fan shut his mouth.
Yue Qingyuan left, leaving the two sobbing and stained with blood.