Chapter Text
Castiel Novak, 34 years old, was packing his bag, thinking about how he really didn’t want to go on this work trip. But, he had to, his boss ordered it. His dog was helping him pack, if by helping you mean laying on the bed, watching his every move. Sighing as he grabbed some socks, he thought about how attached he had gotten to his home and the life he built here. Jax, the dog previously mentioned, rolled over onto his back and was waiting for Castiel to rub his belly.
‘’ I know buddy. I don’t want to leave.’’ Castiel sighed.
Jax just looked at him with his (literal) puppy eyes, even though the old boy was almost eleven and had a grey snout. Castiel petted him some more, not being able to resist his furry friend.
‘’ I’ll be back in four days Jax. You’ll have a great time when I’m gone, the lovely lady from next door will take care of you. After that, it’s just you and me again.’’
However, Castiel did feel he was missing something in life. Something rather large. Something that he wanted to fill, but didn’t know how. He had always had a deep urge to care for something, or someone, to give purpose to his life. However, relationships failed, because while he wanted to hold hands or cuddle up on the couch, he wasn’t particularly interested in sex. Never was. Watching porn never did anything for him, even though he had tried. Believe him, he had really tried. It took him a while to figure it out, but when he read up about it, he knew he was asexual. He’d love to be with a person, be that a man or a woman, but he wanted to care for them. In every which way possible. He’d want to wash that person, put him or her to sleep, carry them around, read them books. He didn’t want a child, because they grew up, and left you in the end. He wanted someone that needed him. But he knew that he could never have that in life. Sometimes he felt sick at his own feelings, his own desires, not understanding where they came from. How cruel it was that he would live this life never being able to enjoy it fully.
God wouldn’t deal him that card.
He had tried, once. To bring it up to (at that time) his boyfriend. While that boyfriend had been exceptionally good at the whole no-sex thing, understanding even, he accused Castiel of being a mad man, and that a healthy relationship consisted of mutual care. Castiel partly agreed, but knew that he couldn’t suppress that other side of him. It was no surprise that that relationship ended quickly afterwards.
His work brought him the distraction he needed. He swamped himself in it. Castiel was lucky to be able to work from home, where he had his cozy office and his dog. At least he got to take care of an animal, if he couldn’t give care to a human being. The dog was a beautiful German Shepherd named Jax. Jax would be with him in his study, accompany him on walks, and trips to the seaside.
Castiel’s house was near Lake Michigan, and on stormy days he loved to walk to the water, letting the wind and the smell of the water wash away his loneliness.
He’d often sit on the wet sand, Jax purposely setting himself between his owners’ legs, licking his face or letting Castiel pet his head.
Castiel often hugged the dog, loving the soft fur and the way the dog seemed to take away all his worries. The dog didn’t look snuggly, but his owner knew better. Plus, Jax would do anything for a cookie. The slimy bastard.
Castiel was usually home all year around, but his boss had assigned him to meet up with someone from the Kansas City Library, making sure they had the right books before his boss would buy them. Only after purchase would Castiel need to start translating. The books were costing a fortune, so Castiel understood the need for a check-up before the investment was made, however; leaving home filled him with dread. He didn’t like being away. He didn’t like not sleeping in his own bed, missing his dog (Jax was going to be with a neighbor, so he would be fine, but still. It’s his dog) , not having his own comfy office chair. He’d miss the sea.
Castiel calmed himself down with the thought that it was only four days. Surely he could handle four days of being social with people? He kept on thinking; this time next week, I’ll be back home again, on my own, with my dog. That was the thing that kept him calm.
It was a seven hour drive to the main building of Kansas Library. Castiel had left his house early in the morning, sandwiches and little juice boxes packed. Castiel had tried to drink orange juice from a bottle in the car once, and it didn’t go over too well. The car stunk for weeks on end, until he finally had it cleaned professionally. From that day forward, if he brought drinks, he brought drinks with straws. Call him a child, he doesn’t care.
He’d burned some cd’s to fill the silence, because radio wasn’t his thing. Even though the year was 2017, he only had installed a newer radio a couple of years ago, which was only capable of cd’s or FM. He wasn’t up to date with the newest songs anyways, and he’d rather have stuff he could sing along to. Not that he could sing very well, but he was alone, so who was there to judge him?
With his suitcase in the trunk, he and his old Continental drove along the highway, listening to Counting Crows and making his way to Kansas City.
He made it to the motel in good time, and settled in for the night. The motel room was nice. It was clean, even to Castiel’s standards, modern, and there was WiFi. He was going to be fine.
Early next morning, Castiel got out of his room, freshly showered and shaved, ready to go to the library. When he walked to his car, he saw a beauty of a black muscle car parked next to his ratty old Lincoln. She was old; he could tell, but she was taken care of. Not a single scratch or mark, her chrome rims almost blinding him in the sunshine. Castiel whistled at the car.
“You eyeing up my baby?” a low voice asked.
Castiel turned around quickly, to see green eyes staring at him. “Yes. I mean, she’s a beauty. I wish I knew something about cars... other than how to wash her.”
“Looks to me you haven’t washed that Lincoln in a long time.” The man said snarkily.
“Hey!” Castiel said, a smirk on his face. “I may not keep her as clean as I should, but I still love her. Had her since I was eighteen. Plus, we drove all day yesterday. She was bound to get dirty.”
Green eyes just smiled then. “Yeah yeah, you’re forgiven.”
Castiel grinned at that remark. “Listen, I’ve got to go. Work. Maybe I’ll see you later, eh…?”
“Dean.”
“Dean. Okay. Well. Goodbye, um… Dean.”
“Bye.”
It wasn’t until he arrived at the library, that he realized he hadn't introduced himself. He hoped Dean would still be there when he returned to the motel that evening. There was something intriguing about the bow-legged man, but Castiel couldn’t figure out what.
The day went by slowly, the books hauled from the archives needing to be handled with care. Castiel was glad to see that it would be less work than originally thought, which meant he could probably drive back tomorrow already, instead of a day later.
When he had called with his boss, confirming the authenticity of the books, the purchase was made and Castiel took them with him, in a locked suitcase.
As Castiel drove back to the motel, he noticed he was being followed by a black Chevrolet Impala. A tiny smile graced his lips, and Castiel carefully parked his car, Dean pulling up beside him. When Castiel got out of the car, he wanted to greet Dean.
The young man, however, stumbled out, looked at Cas warily, and headed for the door.
“Hey, are you okay? Dean?” Cas asked.
“Yeah just not… feeling well...I’ll be fine, I’ve had this before...” Dean said, his eyes darting from left to right, hands trembling. He quickly got out his key and got in his motel room, slamming the door shut behind him.
Castiel knew there was something wrong, but didn’t even know the man, so he didn’t want to impose on him in any matter. And Dean had said he would be fine, right?
Castiel stared at Dean’s door for a few more moments, until he just sighed and went and got his stuff from the trunk. Just one more night, and then I’ll go back home, he thought to himself.
Castiel showered, once again, the warm library had him soaking in his own sweat all day. When he got out, he toweled off, put on his favorite pair of sweatpants and his oldest hoodie. He snuggled up onto the bed, grabbed a book and started reading. It wasn’t until he was totally quiet that he could hear sound s coming from Dean’s room. At first, he thought Dean must be watching some movie with the volume too high, but after a while Cas started to wonder, because this wasn’t a sound he’d ever heard in a movie before. It sounded like...crying? And not just crying, but full on wailing. It was hard to tell though, the sound was muffled by the wall. Castiel listened to it go on for a couple of minutes, and then stood up from the bed, placing his ear on the wall. He needed to know, was Dean really crying? Or was this just some really weird... porn? Hey, you never know what some people might be into..
As Castiel listened intently, he could hear the sobbing better, only to realize that it actually was Dean. He sounded panicked, out of breath. Castiel decided to let his manners go and basically stomped over to Dean’s door, he didn’t care if they didn’t really know each other, but he knew Dean wasn’t happy and he would give anything to fix that.
He expected the door to be locked, but to his surprise it opened immediately. When he glanced into the room and saw Dean on the floor, his brain went into overdrive. The man was on a play mat with toys surrounding him, a pacifier lying a few feet away. A bag was on the bed with bottles and formula, and what looked like diapers. Only Dean was still in his normal clothes and a wet spot was visible at his crotch.
Dean hadn’t even noticed Castiel coming in, he was too wrapped up in his misery sobbing, heaving, snot covering his nose and mouth, drool hanging from his chin. One hand was grabbing tightly at a small blue blanket.
Castiel stood there, thinking multiple things at once. What is going on? Does he do this on purpose? Is this a mental issue? He is not getting help for it, that’s for sure... He needs someone to take care of him. But he seemed absolutely fine this morning?
Castiel didn’t want to scare Dean off, so he cleared his throat lightly. Dean looked up, his eyes rimmed red from crying, his face still a mess, but he didn’t try to back away, or made any attempt to get up on his feet. The next thing he did, broke Castiel’s heart in pieces.
Dean lifted both arms weakly, and looked at Castiel with big eyes. “Daddy…?”
Castiel swallowed. Dean was sitting there, arms raised up, apparently expecting Castiel to take care of him. And God, he wanted that. He wanted that so much, but this wasn’t…this wasn’t normal. People had told him that, but how could he deny giving Dean the love he so obviously needed?
Castiel walked over slowly, and crouched down before Dean. “You sure?” he asked.
Dean nodded, and Castiel grabbed Dean under his shoulders, noticing the man wasn’t as heavy as he had thought. When he had Dean in a full embrace, he knew why. The layers of clothing had given Castiel the impression that Dean was of a normal size, but here in his arms, he felt how slim the man actually was. He could feel his ribs through Dean’s shirt and it scared him. Castiel gripped him a bit tighter.
Not knowing exactly what to do, Castiel decided to follow his gut instinct. If it went wrong, he’d make sure Dean was okay before he would leave, but if things went right, he’d know he’d feel at peace. Even if it was perhaps just for the night. “Want me to take care of you, my sweet boy?”
Dean shivered and put his head on Castiel’s shoulder. “Hmm hmm,” was the reply he got.
Castiel walked him and Dean to the bathroom, and he filled the bath tub.
As the tub was filling up, he stripped Dean of his clothing. The boy shivered, but said nothing. When the tub was full, and the temperature was right, Castiel helped Dean get in. He knew Dean had the physical strength to do all of this himself, but somehow the mindset he was in, wouldn’t let him. Castiel didn’t mind though, he was caring for someone, he felt wanted and needed.
Grabbing a washcloth, he washed all of Dean, starting at his filthy face, then his body and groin. There was nothing sexual about it, and Castiel wouldn’t want it any other way. He just wanted to make Dean feel comfortable again. Lastly, he washed Dean’s hair, the boy almost falling asleep as Castiel massaged his scalp. Getting the drowsy boy out of the tub, Castiel toweled him off and picked him up. Walking to the bed, he one handedly grabbed one of the adult sized diapers, and saw an adult onesie. Dean’s eyes were drooping and Castiel knew he had to be quick.
He put Dean on the bed, and rolled him a bit to the left, sliding the diaper under his butt. Then he rolled Dean back, widening his legs and taping the diaper shut. After that, he got him in the onesie and tucked Dean in. Grabbing his pacifier, Castiel washed it under the tap in the bathroom. Returning to his boy, he put the pacifier in and Dean mumbled something. “What’s that Dean?”
“Kie,” he said. “Kie? Kie!” and he pointed at the blue blanket that was on the floor. Castiel picked the thing up, pinching it between his index finger and his thumb, because the piece of cloth was covered in snot and grime.
“This is too dirty, Daddy needs to wash this.”
“Kie!” Dean persisted, pointing at the filthy rag.
Castiel thought for a minute, and came up with a solution. “Want a blanket from Daddy?”
Dean’s eyes widened, and Castiel grinned. He quickly ran over to his own room, grabbing one of his very old sleeping t-shirts, a ratty old thing, but it smelled like him and was soft to the touch. And it was clean. That was a big plus.
When Castiel got back in Dean’s room, he noticed Dean’s lip trembling and his eyes watering. “Daddy’s back, it’s okay, I just had to grab you a new blankie!”
Dean frowned, and if that wasn’t cute then Castiel didn’t know what was.
Castiel pulled out the t-shirt and held it in front of Dean, who looked at it with suspicion. After giving it some consideration, he hesitantly reached out one hand, and grabbed the soft t-shirt. He brought it up to his nose, and after only a couple of seconds, started nuzzling it. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! Castiel thought proudly to himself.
“Want Daddy to stay here?”’ Castiel asked. Dean only nodded, looking at Castiel with his intense eyes. Castiel decided to clean up a bit, putting the toys and the play-mat away in the duffle bag, setting the bag with diapers and bottles beside it.
He grabbed a bottle and some formula, and heated it up, following the instructions. He walked over to Dean with the bottle in his hands, and gave it to him. Or at least, he tried. Dean was holding the new blankie with both hands, and still had his pacifier in his mouth.
Changing tactics, Castiel moved to sit behind Dean, and then he pulled him up, putting Dean’s back to Castiel’s right arm, cradling him. Gently pulling out the pacifier, Dean squirmed a bit, until Castiel but the bottle into Dean’s mouth. Dean immediately started suckling, and when the bottle was half empty, his eyes started to droop.
Soon he felt Dean get heavier and heavier, before going completely limp in his arms. Castiel took the bottle out of the lax lips, and put the pacifier back in. Settling Dean under the covers once again, he took the bed next to Dean and decided to stay the night. He didn’t know if Dean would be adult Dean or baby Dean in the morning. If it was baby Dean, he couldn’t be alone.
Castiel felt at peace that night, lulled to sleep by the sounds of Dean suckling on his pacifier and smacking his lips. He was very curious to see in which state of mind Dean would wake up.