Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Seungmin felt like shit today. plain and simple. He was sloppy on the field, distracted, and tired. Yet, he didn’t know why. He hoped that lunch with his friends would make him feel better- but it somehow made things worse. Even seeing Hyunjin's beautiful grinning face couldn’t do anything to lift him out of this slump. Hyunjin noticed something was off with Seungmin immediately. He always did notice those small things about the younger male. The way he teased everyone in the group with that little smirk on his face, knowing there was no real heat behind any of the words, how he would always snatch the food off of everyone else’s plates when they weren’t looking. When he sat back in silence, quietly observing. Not upset, or pissed off, just watching. But today, something was wrong.

The brunette sat back as he usually did- no one really noticed that this was out of the ordinary, he was always like this. If only he himself could figure out why he was feeling this way. nothing..particularly bad had happened recently, he was healthy enough, and baseball had been going well! well..except that he knew he’s been lagging behind, not doing as well as he could be. He was letting his team down, and he knew it. His mental health had been getting progressively worse recently- not like he’d told anyone, of course, he didn’t want to worry them about something as meaningless as a lack of interest in his passions and a few days where it was harder to get out of bed. That was just his exhaustion from pushing himself on the field, nothing more. but…it had started to affect his gameplay. he knew he was letting the team down. He just…didn’t want to tell anyone. Because it wasn’t that bad, not really.

Felix was busy digging into an absolutely delicious bowl of ramen, teasing Jeongin, who was sitting beside him (whilst also allowing him to have some of Felix’s bowl, he wasn’t heartless), especially since Jeongin had been struggling to secure a solid job as of lately. And hey, Felix had a very affectionate spot for the maknae of their group. Jeongin couldn’t deny that this dynamic he had going on with Felix right now was driving him slightly insane- it wasn’t a secret to anyone (except for Felix himself, apparently. The adorably oblivious man he was), that Jeongin had a major crush on the blonde, and had basically ever since they first met. He couldn’t wipe the pinkish blush off his cheeks with his sweater’s sleeve no matter how hard he tried- yet the ray of sunshine sitting beside him wasn’t phased in the slightest.

Across the table, Jisung was rambling loudly about something or another, speaking vibrantly with his hands as per usual. He had always been this way around his friends, completely comfortable and in his element. He was currently exposing Chan for something embarrassing he’d done, the oldest in question hiding his face in the collar of his hoodie, tips of his ears turning red from embarrassment. Jisung didn’t miss how Changbin's eyes lingered on the sight just a moment too long- this only made him grin wider. Minho watched Jisung with too most- an unreadable expression- but to those who knew him well enough, he was completely enamoured by the younger male. He watched with a mostly neutral expression, save the corner of his mouth twitching up into a living smirk, the slight crinkle in his eyes as he let himself get lost in the dramatic story Jisung was telling. How those two weren’t already a thing was something that puzzled the whole group- Jeongin would never understand.

Chan was still recovering from the embarrassment of Jisung outing him like that, but was begrudgingly going back to eating his food. Whoever in their right mind let him and han Jisung record together was a huge idiot. Them being business partners was actually the worst mistake ever - not actually, of course, Chan cared incredibly deeply for Jisung- and everyone in their little friend group for that matter, but gosh was that round-cheeked boy a loudmouth and a half. He poked at his bowl of ramen, sneaking glances of Changbin beside him when he was sure no one was listening. Changbin saw Chan looking at him, and it was getting increasingly harder to keep up this ‘cool guy’ persona he had going on whenever he noticed it. Surely his cheeks had to be getting redder and redder, right? He had always noticed that about Chan, noticed how his gaze lingered just a bit too long when he was working out, how he seemed to stop functioning entirely when Changbin had come out of the shower in their shared apartment, towel hung loosely around his waist, or even how he seemed to laugh at every little tease and joke he threw at him.

Seungmin quietly watched this all happen, laughing when he was required to, faking some sense of normalcy. He was always observing anyways, this wasn’t out of the ordinary for him. He had barely eaten his bowl, it sat carelessly discarded off to the side, probably cold at this point. He didn’t care, he wasn’t really hungry anyways. Once Jisung's elaborate story had finished up, people were starting to filter out. First it was Changbin and Chan, giving the excuse of ‘needing to finish up some work’, which there was a chance that wasn’t entirely inaccurate, knowing Chan. Next was Jisung and Minho, the younger complaining about having something to work on and wanting Minho to drive him home. When Jisung would ever get around to getting a license, Seungmin didn’t know. Then eventually, Felix and Jeongin left too, both of them having to get back to work now that their peaceful lunch was over. Then it was just Seungmin and Hyunjin. Hyunjin smiled and waved as everyone left, leaving just him and Seungmin. He smiled at his friend, running a hand through his black locks and ruffling them a bit. 

“You got any plans today Minnie? Practice?” he asked as if he didn’t know a concerning amount of Seungmin’s schedule by heart. He knew he had early practices on Saturday mornings, minor games Sunday nights, and training on Wednesday afternoons. Those sorts of things just...seemed important to remember. It took Seungmin a moment to register what Hyunjin had said, blinking and coming back to reality. He looked over at the older male, forcing a casual smile onto his face. “Got practice later, but nothing until then. I’ll think I’ll just catch up on some studies or something.” he probably wouldn't. He was behind in just about all his studies at the moment. It was a shock as to why he hadn’t been kicked out of his college classes yet. He hummed, tapping his fingers lightly on the table. Being a freelance artist and a fairly successful college student, he had basically all the free time in the world, especially with this bad spot of art block he’d been suffering from recently. Who knows, maybe spending some time with the prettiest boy in the world would help with that. 

“Well if you wanted, I could come over and help you? I’m all caught up with my stuff- for the most part, at least,” he offered Seungmin a soft smile, taking a selfish moment to appreciate how pretty he was. God, he was down bad, huh? The Seungmin from a month ago would have jumped at the idea to spend some alone time with Hyunjin in his apartment, but the Seungmin now…his apartment was in no shape to have someone over. It was a complete mess, there was little to no food in the fridge, his equipment was scattered all over the floor- but that look in Hyunjin's eyes, the sweet smile on his face…it was so tempting. “I dunno Hyune..it’s a bit of a mess- surely you aren’t too interested in music theory…I should be fine by myself.” That worried Hyunjin just a bit, as Seungmin was known for being the cleanest in the friend group, so if his apartment was messy…that confirmed his suspicions that something was wrong. He had to help him feel better, he knew that much.

“Wellll- you could focus on your studies while I help clean your place up?” Seungmin’s cheeks flushed and he shook his head, letting out a half-hearted, breathless laugh.  “No no- I would feel so bad. You don’t have to do that at all, Hyunjin. I promise, I’ll be alright on my own. I’ll get around to it,” he waved his hand dismissively. Just the thought of Hyunjin seeing the state of his apartment was embarrassing enough, but having the older male over just to clean his laziness? That was way worse. The ravenette frowned, but decided not to press it any further. Seungmin clearly just didn’t want him over. It hurt, and it worried him further that he seemed to be almost pushing Hyunjin away. How long had Seungmin been like this, and he was only now realising? He nibbled his bottom lip, tasting remnants of the lip gloss he’d applied before arriving at the restaurant. He sighed, resting his chin in his palm and looking over at the younger male. “Well..If you say so. If you change your mind, I’ll be there, promise.” Seungmin nodded with a small, more genuine smile than he’d had the whole day- it was nice to know that Hyunjin did care, despite all his self-doubts. He sighed softly and stood up, gently pushing aside the barely eaten bowl of ramen. He didn’t miss the flicker of concern in Hyunjin's gaze upon realising he’d barely eaten it. Oh well. “I’ll see you soon, Jinnie. Take care.”

“Yeah..you too Minnie. Er- good luck with practice tonight!” he stood up also, trying to ignore that Seungmin was taller than him, and how much he loved it, the thought of it causing his cheeks to heat up a little. Then- feeling bold and not necessarily out of character for him, he stood forward and wrapped his arms around the brunette, tucking his face in the crook of his shoulder and neck. At first, Seungmin was tense, but he slowly relaxed and hugged Hyunjin back. “Text me if you need Minnie. I’ll see ya,” he grinned, turned on his heels and headed out. Hyunjin’s smile dropped once he left the restaurant, but he tried not to worry too much about it. Seungmin would be fine.. The brunette watched Hyunjin go and his smile slowly went away, running a hand down his face and groaning. Welp. Time to go back to his depressing apartment. Alone. Gods- he could’ve had Hyunjin over, spending alone time with him, and he turned that down? Oh well. He went and paid for his barely eaten food, put his earphones in and began walking home.

Hyunjin arrived at his shared apartment with Felix and sighed, taking his shoes off at the door and slipping his favourite house slippers on. He hung up his jacket and bag. The younger boy wouldn’t be home until later tonight, busy at work and such. There was also a chance he wouldn’t come home until even later if he decided to hang out with Jeongin afterwards- how Felix didn't know Jeongin was totally in love with him was beyond him. The benefits of having the apartment to himself meant he could blast some music and try and get in the zone for some painting- he didn’t have any overdue assignments, but he did need to get a head start on his final piece for the year, because knowing him he’d procrastinate a bunch and it would end up taking ages to complete. So, may as well get a head start on it now, right?

He grabbed himself a bottle of water from the fridge and went to his room to set up in his little painting nook. When Felix and he had been scouting this place after finishing high school, Hyunjin had wanted it so bad purely because of the fact that one of the rooms had this walk-in-wardrobe type nook. Of course, he didn’t use it for this, as the room actually had a built-in wardrobe, he used it as his little mini art studio. Inside was an easel with a blank canvas on it, a small table with his art supplies scattered across it, and of course- his Bluetooth speaker. All the essentials! He connected his phone to the speaker and scrolled through his spotify for a playlist. As he did so, he came across an old playlist he’d made, most likely at 3 am when he was in his major romantic pining era- as if that wasn’t now as well. It was the playlist he’d made with Seungmin in mind- his personality, his beauty- his everything. God- Hyunjin was down bad for this boy. Biting his lip, the ravenette selected that playlist on shuffle and grabbed his oil paints, having sudden inspiration. Visualising that gorgeous boy in his mind, his hands moved before his mind had time to catch up, at first random colourful strokes, but soon the image began to appear- the image of Seungmin. He was looking off to something in the distance, beautiful eyes twinkling and shining with a brilliant passion. Hyunjin hoped he captured that well enough. His multicoloured hair framed his face wonderfully, and Hyunjin even put those aesthetic glasses he always wore on. He was gorgeous. Ethereal. Hyunjin was obsessed.

Later that night, Felix did come home on time, having decided that he just needed to get home instead of going to see Jeongin- as attached as he was to the younger boy, he understood that they both needed space from time to time. Plus, his muscles ached from overexertion as he'd pushed himself probably a bit too much at dance today. He hummed a tune he had stuck in his head as he entered the apartment, kicking the door shut behind him. He heard music coming from Hyunjin's room and smiled- looks like he finally got that inspiration he was after! The ravenette heard the door open and shut, a small smile gracing his face- that meant Felix was home on time! For the first time in a good while, they would be able to have dinner together! he finished up his painting, rubbing his face and accidentally smearing oil paint across his cheek- oh well, he'd end up having a shower at some point in the night anyways. Taking a step back and really taking in the painting, Hyunjin smiled, cheeks heating up. It was beautiful- Seungmin was beautiful. This wouldn't be his final piece, and it was nowhere near close to being done- there were still little bits and pieces he wanted to add. But boy, it was a start. He was out of the slump. He grinned brightly, tidying up his space a bit so he could go greet Felix.

Felix was busy in the kitchen, looking through their cupboards and fridge for possibilities for dinner, when he saw Hyunjin leave his room from the corner of his eye. And of course, the older boy was completely covered head to toe in his paints.  "Hyunjin hyung! I see you've been busy- you reckon you're out of that artblock now?" he hoped Hyunjin was, it was so sad seeing him just sitting there in front of a blank canvas, trying to come up with anything to put on it. He wondered what finally sparked that inspiration. Gosh, Hyunjin just couldn't stop grinning- he must look like a total idiot. "Mhmmm! Finally found my spark, Lixie. anything in there looking appealing for dinner?" he went over to the kitchen island and hopped up onto one of the stools there, folding his arms on the counter and looking over at the blonde boy. Hyunjin had a crush on Felix back in their highschool days, but he'd grown past that adolescent crush, seeing Felix now more as a brother or as it was- his best friend ever. Felix was gorgeous, but ever since he'd met Seungmin, he knew that was the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Was that a bit much-? The blonde didn't ignore how blissful Hyunjin appeared, something must've gotten him really happy in the time when they finished lunch to now. He shrugged and hummed, looking in the fridge. 

"Wellll- we have some leftover kimchi from when Minho was over- I could add that to a stew or something?" That did sound appealing, he loved Minho's kimchi- everyone loved all of Minho's food regardless, the man was a wizard in the kitchen. Jisung was a lucky guy for that reason. Felix was counting down the days until they would finally get together- he was sick of third wheeling! Hyunjin hummed, and his stomach grumbled as a response to Felix's suggestion- it was only now that he realized he hadn't really had anything to eat since lunch, so he was starving.  "That sounds delicious, Lix. Do you need any help? I need to have a shower to get all this paint off me, but I'm happy to help once I'm out?" he smiled softly, brushing some of his ravenette locks behind his ear, grimacing as his fingers caught on some dried paint. Yeah, he definitely needed a shower. Eugh.

He waved his hand dismissively at Hyunjin's offer, a bright smile on his face. 

"No no- don't worry about it Hyune, really. You cooked the other night anyways." Even if his muscles ached and his back was gonna give him troubles later, they had a balance in their apartment that needed to be honoured. A playful smirk replaced his previous smile, as he narrowed his eyes at the taller male across the counter. "Sooo, what's got you so happy, mister? Where'd you get your inspo from?" His Aussie accent was more prominent when he was teasing his friends, something he'd recently noticed that Jeongin was commenting on more and more. Hyunjin blushed, twirling some of the longer black hair that was resting on his shoulder. Would it be embarrassing to tell Felix that the reason he was so giddy was another member in their little friend group- was it weird to admit he was and had been deeply in love with Seungmin for as long as he could remember? He bit his lip, focusing on the marble countertop, getting distracted by the swirling whites and greys within it. It was almost 100% not real marble, but they didn’t care, it looked nice at least. 

“It’s nothing really..I just- saw a pretty guy on my walk home from the restaurant earlier. Struck some inspiration I guess. I’m probably gonna use it as a base for what I want my final design to be, it’s not finished yet but- it looks good so far- I hope at least.”  Felix raised a brow at that, his playful smirk only getting bigger. Hyunjin wasn’t telling the full truth, he just knew- but what could he possibly be hiding? A crush? A boyfriend?! “Okay okay- so who is this mystery boy? Care to explain, mister?” Felix couldn’t help it- of course he was curious! Hyunjin had been single since like- forever, despite being an incredibly attractive guy. He'd always said he was just ‘waiting for the right guy’. Maybe, just maybe, he’d finally found that special someone.

The ravenette huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair. Felix would eventually find out about his major crush on Seungmin, one way or another. But today was not that day. He wasn’t ready to admit something like that just yet. Especially not at a time when he was sure Seungmin himself wasn’t doing too well. Getting reminded of that, Hyunjin decided to bring it up to his friend.  “Did Seungmin seem off today? I’m worried about him- he mentioned his apartment was a mess, and that’s really weird for him..” sure, he was changing the topic from his supposed crush- to the topic of his crush mind you. Still, he hoped Felix wouldn’t mind- or catch onto where his mind had been? The Aussie shrugged, setting up the stuff he needed for this stew. 

“Mm- yeah, a bit. I mean- he’s always quiet when we’re all together but…yeah, he did seem a bit off. You think something's going on? Surely he’d tell us if there was, yeah?” Felix nibbled at his lip, brows furrowing in concern. Now that Hyunjin pointed it out, Seungmin had been quiet- er than usual. He had that look in his eyes today, the one where he’s distant, like he’s physically present but his mind was somewhere far off. Felix always got worried when he saw that look in his friend’s eyes. He remembered when he started to see in Jisung’s eyes years ago and..that almost ended really badly. He shook his head, trying not to think about that. They were all in dark times back then. “I hope he’s okay..I would hate to think he’s not doing well and hasn’t told anyone. But..I’m not gonna push it- if he wants to come to us for help then we’ll be there, but I don’t want to pressure him or anything. I just hope he knows we’re here for him, no matter what.” Hyunjin spoke sincerely, the blush on his cheeks totally betraying everything he’d been trying to hide, but thankfully Felix was oblivious as ever. The topic quickly changed and eventually Hyunjin dragged himself to the shower to freshen up. 

Dinner was delicious, with Minho’s kimchi and Felix’s stew, it might’ve been the most amazing meal the ravenette’s ever eaten. The two stayed up and chatted for a bit more after dinner, catching up on a k-drama the two had been watching together, before Hyunjin said goodnight and turned in for sleep. Except…he didn’t sleep just yet, not entirely. He laid in bed, snuggled under the covers and stared at the roof, worry taking over almost every thought. He really did hope Seungmin came to him for help if something was wrong…he didn’t want it to get bad. Not to mention…he wanted to show Seungmin the painting he made. Eventually. Sighing, Hyunjin closed his eyes and hugged his pillow, pretending it was the boy he so desperately wanted, and so desperately hoped was okay.