Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Smoke curled lazily from Neil’s cigarette towards the ceiling and with every deep inhale through his nose, he felt calmer. Calm in this situation was relative, because ‘calmer’ didn’t mean that he wasn’t still fighting the urge to run back into the airport, buy a ticket to somewhere, anywhere else, and leave this self-destructive fantasy behind; but it was enough to make him stay anyways.

His only luggage was his duffel, still slung over his shoulder and settled protectively in his lap, even though he was sitting. Neil watched the stream of cars and taxis crawl by through the pick-up zone, and tried to squash the part of him hoping his ride just wouldn’t show up. He rubbed his thumb over the ridges on the pill bottle in his pocket. Always keep running, trust no one – look at me, Abram – take your blockers.

His thoughts began to drift, once again, to what his mother would say, what she would do, if she were alive. He could almost feel her fingers, twisting violently in his hair, dragging him away from this place, and Neil stubbed out his cigarette shakily.

Before he could steady himself, a voice jolted him from his reverie.

“Neil Josten.”

The man standing before him was dressed entirely in black and couldn’t have been taller than five-two, if Neil was being generous. His ash blond hair shadowed serious hazel eyes, and the unimpressed line of his mouth did nothing to make him look more approachable. He tapped two fingers to his temple in a silent, sarcastic greeting.

“Aaron Minyard,” Neil hazarded. He’d done his research after Wymack’s ‘visit,’ and felt reasonably certain which of the Minyard twins he was currently facing, if only due to the lack of the distinctive black armbands that marked his counterpart.

Aaron did not deign that with a response, instead turning on his heel and walking down the pick-up lane towards a sleek, expensive looking black sports car.

He walked around to the driver's side and Neil took that as invitation to let himself into the passenger seat. He kept his duffel in his lap.

“Neil Josten,” Aaron repeated, as though testing the way it sounded. Neil tried to convince himself not to hear suspicion in his voice. He had no reason to doubt his identity, after all.

“Here for the rest of the summer, hm?” Aaron asked as he pulled out of the pick-up lane and sped towards the exit at an alarming speed.

“Yes.”

Aaron hummed. “That makes five of us then. Though, I hear you’re staying with Coach. Pity, I was hoping we might take this time to get to know each other.”

Aaron did not make the statement sound at all inviting.

After quickly calculating in his head, Neil asked, “Kevin stays on campus?”

Aaron snorted derisively. “Where the court is, Kevin stays.”

“I didn’t think it was the court Kevin was staying for.”

Neil recalled Wymack’s visit, and his explanation of the team’s troubled dynamics. Most of them shared a cluster, yet they were divided. On top of that, there was Kevin who belonged to a different cluster entirely and was apparently not coping well.

Aaron cocked his head to the side in what might have been amusement. He tore down the highway with a frankly appalling lack of regard for both traffic laws and their own safety.

“This is too nice a car to wreck,” Neil commented neutrally.

Aaron tutted. “Don’t be so afraid to die. If you are, you have no place on our court.”

Neil was tempted to point out that it was only a sport they were talking about, but he knew better. It was far more than that, to people like them.

Aaron made a dangerous lane change. “So what’s your story, Neil?”

“What do you mean?”

“You were a star exy player in high school, got offers from just about every college team up to and including the Ravens. But you didn’t even bother rejecting them before you vanished off the face of the earth. What makes such a passionate player as you throw away your future over night?”

Aaron spoke in the same even, blank tone he’d used since he picked Neil up and hadn’t taken his eyes off the road, but Neil felt as though he’d just been boxed in and held at knife-point. His stomach turned, remembering that frantic night, and the knowledge that his own stupidity had gotten him found by the Moriyamas themselves, and watching his chances of survival blink out right before his eyes.

He’d gotten overly comfortable – if it could be called that. Maybe he’d just gotten tired of hiding. After his mother died, Neil had given in and joined Millport High School’s exy team. They’d needed a striker and he had excelled at it. He had broken almost every promise he’d ever made to his mother and couldn’t bring himself to care, because for the first time he had something to live for.

His coach had taken him into his office with a proud grin on his face, and told him about how he had been contacted by Coach Moriyama from Edgar Allan University, and that they were very interested in meeting Neil. He couldn’t remember the rest of the meeting, only that he had run faster than he ever had before, back to the house he’d been squatting in for his cash and his binder, stealing a car and driving for three days straight - switching cars a record-breaking eight times - with no destination in mind until he’d found himself in Kentucky and on the verge of collapse from hunger and exhaustion. He’d slept in the garage of an empty house, huddled in the corner, waiting for his father to appear and finally end this game of cat and mouse.

But he hadn’t. For two months, Neil waited for the other shoe to drop, but it never came, and Neil had been faced with the fact that he’d actually, impossibly, gotten away.

“I was traveling,” Neil answered Aaron, after a moment. It was what he’d told Wymack, officially.

“Boring,” Aaron scoffed, but didn’t ask any more questions.

Roughly twenty minutes later, Aaron was pulling into a parking space outside what Neil assumed was Wymack’s apartment complex. Three people that Neil identified as Andrew Minyard, Nicholas Hemmick, and - with an unpleasant jolt - Kevin Day were waiting on the sidewalk.

Nicholas offered a hand and a bright smile.

“It’s good to meet you, Neil. Was your flight alright?”

“It was fine,” Neil said, shaking his hand.

Nicholas - Nicky - introduced himself as the Foxes’ backliner and the twins’ cousin, both of which Neil already knew, but he did his best to act interested anyways. He explained that Wymack had business at the stadium, but would be back soon, and that they had volunteered to show Neil to the apartment.

Nicky hadn’t stopped smiling since he’d introduced himself, but it was genuine enough that it didn’t put Neil on edge.

“I’ve gotta say, I’m so glad to finally have another normal person on the team,” Nicky gushed. “I’m always the odd one out when it comes to their sensate stuff so it’ll be really nice having someone who understands.”

“Nicky,” Andrew hissed, scowling. “Why not just yell it from the rooftop?”

Aaron brushed by them, apparently unconcerned with Nicky’s lack of discretion, and entered the complex. Wymack lived on the seventh floor and Nicky filled the silence in the elevator with polite small-talk, persevering even when Neil offered mostly monosyllabic answers to all his questions. Kevin and Andrew seemed content to ignore Neil entirely.

Aaron searched his pockets for a moment before locating the key when Andrew prompted ‘right, inside jacket pocket’, and let them in.

Neil moved to the couch he’d been promised and dropped his bag there, taking in the room and trying to ignore the new wave of panic threatening to overtake him.

“Did you get his story, Andrew? I’m dying to know,” Nicky asked, and Neil startled at the realization that they were speaking German. They clearly didn’t know Neil was also fluent.

“No more than we already knew,” Aaron replied, but it registered to Neil that Nicky had addressed Andrew, not Aaron.

Nicky switched back to English and offered to give Neil a tour of the apartment. It was fairly standard, as far as apartments went. It had a kitchen, bathroom, study, and master bedroom, apart from the living room where Neil would be staying.

Andrew, who had wandered off with Kevin while Neil was being shown around, reappeared with a bottle of whiskey in hand.

“Come to court with us?” Nicky asked. “We were gonna practice for a bit before dinner at Abby’s - she’s our nurse,” he explained.

Neil cocked an eyebrow at the alcohol. “Am I witnessing a robbery?”

Andrew smiled wanly. “Maybe. Why, you gonna tell Coach on us?”

“No,” Neil said, “but I would ask him why you and Aaron are body hopping.”

The room went silent, and Neil took a moment to savor the reaction. Kevin, Aaron (who Neil now recognized for who he was, despite the sensate projection into his brother’s body), and Nicky all looked visibly surprised.

“I assume that also means you’re off your meds,” Neil continued, and Andrew looked mildly impressed.

Neil could tell the moment they switched back the same way he could tell when his blockers were wearing off, despite being symptomless. Andrew, now returned rightly to his armband-clad self, gave him an appraising look.

“Well done, Neil. Don’t sound so accusatory, though. I never lied to you.”

“No," Neil allowed, “only by omission.”

“Lucky thing you’re so clever, then. Figured it all out yourself,” Andrew said.

“Sure did,” Neil said, tapping two fingers to his temple, mimicking Andrew’s initial greeting to him while he was still wearing Aaron’s body.

“Oh,” Andrew said, sounding for the first time vaguely interested, “Oh, you might actually turn out to be interesting. For a little while, at least. I don’t think the amusement will last. It never does.”

Andrew’s words sounded light, but his expression was cold and calculating.

Before Neil could formulate a response, the front door swung open noisily, and Andrew’s expression transformed instantaneously into a picture of manic glee.

Seeing Wymack in the flesh wasn’t much different from seeing him via sensate projection. He was just as tall and broad as he was then, and Neil felt just as uncomfortably reminded of his father as before, no matter how firmly he told himself that Wymack had nothing in common with the Butcher beyond their general build.

“Glad to see you made it one piece,” Wymack greeted Neil, “With this lot in charge, you never know what might happen.” Wymack shot the lot in question a look as though he meant to retroactively warn them off bothering Neil.

“We’d never do anything untoward, Coach,” Nicky gasped in dramatic offense. “Not anything he didn’t want, at least.” Nicky winked at Neil.

“We’re going to court,” Kevin interrupted, and Neil realized that was the first thing he’d said since he’d first seen Neil, and there was that panic back again. Why was Kevin so quiet? Does he recognize me? Does he know?

Wymack rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Of course you are,” he said, and cast a look back to Neil. “Don’t let them bully you. They act tough, but you’ve got just as much right to be here as they do.” Wymack clapped a hand to Neil’s shoulder and he fought back a flinch.

“We’ll see about that,” Kevin said clippedly.

“Bored now,” Andrew sang, in stark contrast to his deadpan of before, and Neil realized he was feigning the side effects of his drugs for the Coach’s benefit. He wasn’t supposed to be off of them, except during games, to his knowledge.

Andrew beckoned at Neil with one finger before turning and walking out the door, flanked wordlessly by Aaron, Kevin, and Nicky.

Neil made to follow, deciding that going to court with Andrew’s lot was preferable to an evening locked in Wymack’s apartment. Before he was out of reach though, Wymack’s hand tightened slightly on his shoulder, and this time Neil couldn’t suppress his reaction. Wymack’s hand dropped immediately and he said nothing for just a moment longer than felt natural.

“I’m serious,” Wymack said finally, in an undertone, “they’ll probably try something with you, if not today then later. Don’t let them walk all over you. Especially if you’re still set on keeping it all a secret.”

(“Are you sure?” Wymack frowned. “I know they look like a rough crowd- well, alright, they are a rough crowd. But they’re good where it matters. They would accept you. Hell, they’d probably throw a party for you.”

Neil shook his head, feeling nauseous at the thought. He had never allowed himself to form any kind of human connection – a psychically linked cluster was out of the question.

“I’m sure. And I mean it. I will only stay for as long as I’m off their radar.”

Wymack sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Anyone ever tell you you’re paranoid, kid?”

“Yes.”

Wymack snorted and quieted. “Alright. It’s a deal. They won’t get anything out of me, or my cluster.”

Neil felt the oddest sensation of simultaneous relief, excitement, and terror. He knew he would regret this. He had never wanted anything so badly. He would get caught. He didn’t care. He was going to die. He had something to live for.

“It’s a deal.”)

Neil smiled with conscious effort to shave down the edges until it felt too soft to resemble his father’s razor-sharp grin.

“Don’t worry. I can handle myself.”

Chapter Text

Being on the court brought a sudden and unexpected release of tension that had Neil feeling like he was breathing properly for the first time since he’d left Millport and exy behind last year. Kevin, who Neil was still watching closely for signs of recognition, was merciless on the court and brutal in his assessments of Neil’s technique; but not even he, the relentlessly cheerful Nicky, the coldly taciturn Aaron, or the apathetic knife-edge that seemed to be Andrew’s predisposed temperament could spoil Neil’s mood.

After practicing for just over two hours and taking a quick and, blessedly, private shower, Neil entered the locker room and found himself alone with Andrew, while Kevin finished his shower and Nicky and Aaron waited in the lounge.

Andrew sat straddling the bench between the rows of lockers, looking entirely at ease, and holding a knife in his hand.

Neil froze. Andrew twirled the knife idly. He looked up at Neil, and cocked an eyebrow.

“Not a fan of knives? Or have I already done enough to inspire that fear with my presence alone,” Andrew drawled.

Neil carefully rearranged his expression into something less damning.

“You haven’t exactly inspired confidence so far,” Neil said. “Adding weapons to the mix seems inadvisable.”

“Adding?” Andrew mused. “Who says I haven’t been armed this whole time?”

Neil didn’t have an answer for that, but Andrew didn’t seem to require one. He stood and stepped towards Neil, and Neil forced himself not to step back.

“I just wanted to greet you properly, while I still have the chance,” Andrew said.

He took another step forward, now rolling the knife between his fingers nimbly, and Neil couldn’t help the way his gaze glued itself to the action.

“Eyes up, rabbit.”

Neil snapped his attention to Andrew’s face and in the same moment was trapped against the lockers with a blade at his throat.

“You are a variable,” Andrew said, low and even and each word heavy with violent intent, “which means you are a problem. Until you are no longer a problem, you would do well to know your place.”

Neil felt cold with dread, trapped between a wall and a knife.

“How will I know when I’m no longer a problem?” Neil ground out.

Andrew stared at him with a chilling blankness. “I’ll have probably killed you. If not, then I’m sure you’ll be smart enough to figure it out.”

Andrew watched him for an endless moment, knife just a hairsbreadth from Neil’s neck. The sound of the showers went quiet and Andrew stepped back, sliding the blade into his armband and taking his seat on the bench again, a picture of bored disinterest that betrayed nothing of the exchange.

Kevin stepped out of the showers, already fully dressed and hair nearly dry. He must have known what was happening and been waiting for Andrew to finish, Neil thought, less than pleased at the fact he was clearly outnumbered. Kevin was also holding an orange pill bottle, which he tossed to Andrew wordlessly.

Andrew tipped him a lazy salute before twisting the cap off. Neil watched him dump out half a dozen pills into his hand. Some of them were plain white tablets, but some were familiar; smooth black capsules, identical to the kind Neil had taken just hours before.

Andrew dropped the extras back into the bottle, before tossing back one of each.

***

By the time they reached the nurse’s house, Andrew’s medication had taken effect and even though Neil knew what to expect, the change was jarring.

“Honey, I’m home!” Andrew sang out as he let himself through the front door. The house itself was as middle-class suburbia as it could get, which Neil was wary of on principle. Two stories, two car driveway, a flower garden in the front yard, and a welcome mat that Andrew and the others all paid dutiful respect to.

“Hello, boys,” a female voice called from another room. A moment later a woman Neil presumed to be Abby stepped into view.

“Dinner will be ready soon, if you want to help David set the table,” she said. Andrew grinned and moved to oblige, gesturing grandly for Kevin, Aaron, and Nicky to go with him.

Abby turned to Neil and held out a hand. “My name is Abby Winfield, I’m the Foxes’ team nurse. It’s nice to meet you, Neil,” she said warmly. Neil shook her hand.

“Likewise.”

“The team usually has dinner here once a week, so hopefully that will be the only time you have to see me,” Abby smiled. “I know exy is a dangerous sport, but I swear this team is trying to give me grey hairs with how often they come to me with injuries.”

Neil smiled politely. “I’ll try and keep them to a minimum.”

“You just got here this afternoon, right? Have you had time to settle in? David mentioned the boys took you to the court for practice already. I can’t say I’m surprised, considering how excited Kevin’s been to have you here,” Abby said, laughing ruefully.

“Kevin?” Neil asked, stomach swooping unpleasantly.

Abby nodded. “He was the one who first brought you to David’s attention. Kevin doesn’t give his approval easily but I could tell how impressed he was.”

Kevin had shown no signs of recognizing Neil. He hadn’t said anything or so much as given him a strange look. But Kevin had been the one to scout Neil. Neil hadn’t survived this long by believing in coincidence, so Kevin had to know something. Did he realize Neil was a member of his teammates’ cluster? How could he know that, when Kevin himself was not?

“Abby.” Speak of the devil. “We can’t find the placemats.”

“Oh, sorry, I moved them!” Abby said, and smiled once more at Neil in apology before excusing herself from the conversation.

“Don’t believe everything Abby says.” Kevin was still standing in the doorway of the kitchen, watching Neil.

“What?”

“I’m not impressed with you yet. Yours was just the only tape out of hundreds that wasn’t completely pathetic. If I was at all excited, that’s the only reason,” Kevin scowled.

Neil tried to decide whether that made him more or less wary of Kevin.

“Is that why you pointed me out to Wymack?”

Kevin narrowed his eyes and after a long pause: “Yes.”

“Why does that sound so unconvincing?” From where Neil was standing, he had an unobstructed path out the front door. He remembered seeing a couple of old cars he could hotwire a few streets back. If he ran at full speed, he’d reach them and be driving in under three minutes. He would have to go back to Wymack’s for his bag, but that shouldn’t be any trouble considering Wymack himself is in Abby’s kitchen.

Kevin tensed at being called out, and broke eye contact. His bravado of just moments ago seemed to have abandoned him.

“Spit it out, Kevin.” It was always better to know sooner rather than later when you were compromised. “We both know you weren’t raised to give your attention to nobodies like me.”

Kevin flinched. Neil was pleased that the hit landed; the Ravens would never let a non-sensate player, like Neil was pretending to be, on their team.

Kevin seemed to shrink and refused to meet Neil’s eye, and Neil was a little startled at how angry it made him. He couldn’t help pushing it further, only partially in hopes of getting a straight answer.

“Does he still talk to you? Does he tell you things in your head, even now? Or are you taking blockers round the clock?”

“Shut up,” Kevin hissed, but the effect was dampened by the way he still refused to lift his gaze from Neil’s feet.

Neil could hear the muffled sounds of ongoing conversation from the kitchen, but he was sure one of them would come out looking for the two of them soon.

He considered what he knew. Kevin had plucked him from obscurity. Kevin was the reason Neil was here. Kevin had been raised by the Moriyamas. Kevin knew Neil’s father. Kevin did not know Neil. Kevin might know Nathaniel. Kevin had a psychic link to Riko Moriyama. Kevin was hiding something. Kevin knew something.

“Tell me how you found me, Kevin,” Neil said in French.

Kevin froze; whether it was at the question or the language, Neil didn’t know.

Kevin swallowed hard. “I didn’t-”

“Kevin!” Andrew’s voice called out, and then he was standing between the two of them, a five-foot flat barricade made of anti-psychotic induced mania and concealed knives.

“What have I told you about playing with stray animals? You never know where they might have been.”

He flicked Kevin’s shoulder. “Abby sent me to tell you two that dinner’s ready. Come along now, children, mustn’t keep them waiting.”

Neil watched Kevin closely over Andrew’s head. He made little effort to disguise the way he was hiding behind Andrew.

“We’ll talk later,” Neil said in French.

Andrew tsked. “Didn’t your mother ever teach you that it’s impolite to exclude people from conversations?”

“No.”

Andrew smiled. “Don’t mess with what’s mine, Neil.”

“You can’t just make me not talk to him.”

“Wanna bet?”

Neil refused to blink first, but Andrew’s wild grin was unwavering.

“Uh, guys,” Nicky’s voice interrupted, and Andrew’s eyes shifted to his cousin, standing a careful distance away. “Food?”

Andrew blinked, then laughed. “Oh, right.” And then steered Kevin passed Nicky and towards the kitchen without another word.

Nicky shared an awkward look with Neil, clearly debating asking what that had been about.

He cleared his throat. “Abby made chicken pot pie. You’ll love it,” Nicky said finally, and Neil followed him into the kitchen.

The actual kitchen was only half the room, while the other was a dining room. The food was laid out on the island bar, and Aaron was already eating.

“Was starting to think you got lost,” Wymack said from the fridge where he was pulling out sodas and beers for everyone.

“Help yourself, Neil, there’s plenty of everything,” Abby said kindly, serving herself.

Dinner itself was a tense affair, on Neil’s part. Andrew alternated between watching Neil, devouring the piece of raspberry pie he’d opted for in place of real food, and interjecting cheerful non-sequiturs into the conversation Wymack, Abby, and Nicky were attempting.

Kevin still refused to look at Neil, which irritated Neil far more than Andrew’s antics.

“Betsy’s sorry she couldn’t come this evening,” Wymack was saying. “She’s our team counselor, and one of my cluster. You’ll meet her soon; all players have mandatory sessions with her every term. Since you’re here a few weeks early though I thought it might be a good idea to get it out of the way before practice and classes start.”

Neil did his best to hide his distaste.

Wymack must have seen through it because he rolled his eyes and assured, “It’ll only be an introductory meeting. You won’t have to bare your soul – just introduce yourself and listen to her spiel about how the process works.”

Neil wasn’t comforted, but he nodded.

“Bee’s great,” Andrew piped up, around a mouthful of pie. “She’ll look right into your head and sort through all the issues you’ve got living in there.”

Andrew swallowed his food and grinned, teeth stained red from the berries. “Look how well it’s worked for me!”

“Pipe down, Minyard,” Wymack scolded half-heartedly.

“Would if I could, Coach, would if I could.”

Neil helped Abby wash dishes with Aaron after, who, true to form, ignored him and gave only the minimum responses to Abby’s small talk. When they were done, Neil found Wymack on the couch, watching some game show while Andrew and Nicky argued the pros and cons for movies based on books.

“Ready to go?” Wymack asked, looking up from the television. Neil nodded.

“Thanks for dinner, Abby,” Wymack said. “It was delicious.”

She smiled. “It’s no trouble, you know you and your team are always welcome here. That goes for you too, now, Neil.”

Neil nodded a little uncomfortably but mumbled a ‘thanks.’

In the car, Neil mulled over his talk with Kevin again.

“Abby said Kevin was the one who told you about me,” Neil began, “Do you know why I caught his eye?”

Wymack flicked a considering look at Neil. “Probably because you were the best player we’d seen, out of all the tapes we watched. Why, you think it was something else?”

“Just seemed odd that he’d pick me, when I haven’t played in over a year. Kevin’s known to be picky, after all.”

Wymack shrugged. “Don’t undersell yourself. You’re good; being a little out of practice won’t change that.”

Neil said nothing. Whatever Kevin was hiding, Wymack didn’t know about it.

By the time they got back to Wymack’s apartment, it was still early but not an unreasonable time to beg off to sleep.

“Help yourself to anything in the kitchen,” Wymack said, closing the door behind them and Neil’s neck prickled at the knowledge that he was trapped in this room with a man much bigger than him blocking the door.

“Laundry room’s down in the basement, help yourself to that, too. Oh, before I forget,” Wymack dug into his pocket and pulled out a keyring.

“This one is for the main gate; this is for the front door; and this is for the locker rooms,” Wymack explained, pointing to each key, “I’ll write down the code to get into the court for you.”

Wymack held the keyring out and it took Neil a moment to understand that Wymack really intended to give it to him. He closed his fingers tightly around it, letting the teeth on each key bite into his palm.

“Thank you.”

Wymack gave Neil a look, like he was a puzzle that he couldn’t figure out.

“No problem,” he said. “I’ll be in the study if you need me – got some paperwork to finish before the term starts.”

Neil stayed where he was, in the middle of the living room, until he heard a door close softly down the hall. He took his duffle into the bathroom and changed into a pair of threadbare sweatpants and a faded t-shirt, before settling on the couch to meticulously take stock of all his belongings. He let himself be calmed by the familiar routine and the fact that he found everything exactly the way he had left it.

He took his pill bottle out of the zippered side compartment he’d stashed them in earlier and dug a blocker out. He swallowed it dry and felt the last, anxious part of him uncoil. He had chosen this, Neil reminded himself. He could handle this. He was tired of running, and neither a twitchy Kevin Day nor a volatile Andrew Minyard was going to make him go back to it.

These things were easier to tell himself after he had already mapped out three possible escape routes in his head, but Neil had always been a good liar, even to himself.