Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“This can’t be happening,” Josh muttered under his breath, “not today,”

Josh went through his pockets one more time before giving up with a tired sigh. He let himself slide slowly down the door and to the ground with a thud. He left his apartment key inside. Today just wasn’t his day.

Firstly, Josh had been late to work as he had fallen asleep the previous night with earphones in and by morning they were out of his ears therefore meaning he did not hear his alarm. Secondly, his boss was hungover and in an even crappier mood than usual, meaning Josh got the yelling at of the century. Thirdly, every second customer Josh served at the small record store was a complete pain in the ass and had some stupid ass complaint Josh could do nothing about. And Lastly to make everything even better, Josh clumsily slipped in a puddle walking home dropping his phone on the concrete with a nice smashing sound.

Let’s just say Josh wanted this day to be over. He wanted every day to be over. He wanted to slide into his bed and never wake up again. He just wanted peace in his head. But today just wasn’t his day. But then again, no day was ever Josh’s day he was the pinnacle of bad luck.

Josh pondered for a while his head resting solemnly on the door before tiredly deciding on a plan of action. He stood up and glanced at the two doors a small distance either side of his own. He had two choices.

Option 1 was to his left. Josh didn’t know her name but he referred to her as Orange. She was around the age of 50 and lived alone, she gained the name orange because she had a fake tan as orange as well... an orange. Josh didn’t like the idea of seeing her, she never seemed like a nice person.

Option 2 was to Josh’s right. Josh didn’t know his name either but he was nicknamed Blue. Josh wasn’t sure why he nicknamed his neighbours by colours, it was just easy to remember he guessed. Blue was around Josh’s age, so maybe 24 and would always smile at Josh when they passed each other in the halls. Blue was Josh’s favourite colour and possibly Josh’s favourite neighbour. Blue was always so joyful, a complete contrast to his name and Josh wanted to go to him and ask for assistance. He didn’t though, his nerves got the better of him, he didn’t want to destroy the perfect image he had in his head of the Blue.

He plotted over warily to Orange’s door but couldn’t bring himself to knock, what if she yelled at him, called him stupid for forgetting his key inside. She wouldn’t help him, so he backed away and headed for Blue’s door. What if this boy was mean too? What if he laughed at Josh? What if h-

The door opened.

Josh’s eyes met Blue’s and they both stared in surprise. Josh hadn’t even knocked, yet he was standing right in Blue’s doorway.

“Um… Hi?” Blue said a small smile on his lips.

“Sor- sorry, I was just gonna knock, but, I, uh, didn’t know if you’d let me, I’m sorry,” Josh stuttered he knew that didn’t make any sense,

“Uh? It’s okay, what were you wanting?” Blue asked gently, his brows were lightly furrowed in confusion.

“I forgot my keys inside my apartment and I never lock my balcony door, I was just wondering if, uh maybe I could hop over to mine seeing as they’re connected and all, it’s okay if I can’t, I’ll just work something else out,” Josh said staring anywhere but at Blue’s eyes which Josh thought were the perfect shade of brown.

“No, that’s fine, come in,” Blue insisted opening the door wide so Josh could enter. He lightly stepped in, hoping he hadn’t or wouldn’t make a fool out of himself. “How’d you manage to forget your keys?” He asked making conversation.

“I, uh, was in a hurry this morning. I missed my alarm and was late to work,” Josh admitted, he felt stupid, he hoped blue didn’t think he was stupid.

Tyler laughed, “oh man, the amount of times I’ve done that is ridiculous,”

Josh smiled genuinely, I guess Blue was as nice as he had seemed.

“My names Tyler by the way,” Blu- Tyler stated as they walked out towards the balcony door of Tyler’s apartment, which honestly was a lot cleaner then Josh’s.

“Josh,” the aforementioned smiled, it was nice to have a name to put to the face now, although Josh would always see Tyler as blue.

“There you go,” Tyler said as the two of them stepped out onto the balcony that connected to Josh’s with only a small railing type fence to separate the two. Josh always thought the idea to have all the balconies on each side connect was impractical, but right now it seemed an amazing idea.

“Thank you,” Josh smiled kindly before hoisting himself over the railing and to his side of the balcony.

“All good,” Tyler stated, “oh and if someone breaks into your apartment and steals your stuff you’ll know it’s me seeing as you told me you never lock the door,”

“Well good luck finding something worth stealing,” Josh laughed, he felt comfortable with Tyler, he liked Tyler.

“I guess I’ll just have to steal you then, aye?” Tyler smirked as Josh’s heart skipped a beat in his chest,

“Yeah, I-I guess so,” Josh stuttered his cheeks warming, had Tyler flirted? No that wasn’t flirting, was it?

“I’ll see you around Josh,”

“Yeah, thanks again Tyler,” Josh smiled,

“My pleasure,”

And with that Tyler headed inside leaving Josh feeling slightly happier than he did when he got home.

Maybe today wasn’t so bad after all.

Chapter Text

The next time Josh saw Tyler was the following Wednesday at 11:36 PM, five days after their first encounter.

Josh was on his way in as Tyler was making his way out.

“Howdy neighbor,” Tyler called merrily down the hall as he caught a glimpse of Josh, his head down and hood up, the tiniest flash of pink being the only indication to Tyler of Josh’s identity.

Josh’s head flew up surprised that someone was actually talking to him. “Tyler,” he stated the smallest of smiles appearing on his lips. It had been another long day.

“That’s my name, what’s happening?” Tyler asked confidently, Josh couldn’t understand how one person could be this confident talking to someone who is practically a stranger.

“uh, not much, just heading home,” Josh smiled pulling his key out of his pocket when he reached the door,

“well, that’s boring, it’s an amazing day outside, you should be dancing in the sun and making daisy chains,” Tyler laughed.

The sun? Dancing? Daisy chains? Josh couldn’t make sense of this blue boy, “Tyler, it’s raining,”

“Yeah, I know, I’m just incredibly bored.” Tyler sighed, “I see you have your keys,”

“yes, I double check, tripled check and quadruple check every morning,” Josh smiled causing Tyler to chuckle. Tyler is easy to make conversation with and Josh doesn’t really understand why.

Tyler falls silent after a second of chuckling at Josh’s statement and Josh looks at Tyler wondering why he all of a sudden is quiet. Tyler’s face crinkled as if he was deep in thought and then slowly his head lifted to look at Josh’s.

“Josh, would you like to go get coffee? With me?” Tyler was straight to the point it took Josh by surprise, was this a date? Tyler noticed Josh’s initial surprise and quickly added, “like we’re neighbors and we don’t really know each other I think it’d be great to get to know each other.”

“oh, uh, yeah, sounds good. Uh, now?” Josh got out disjointedly.

“uh, yeah if you’re free I guess,” Tyler said, his confident demeanor was still there just faltering slightly.

“Okay, sure, yeah,” Josh laughed to ease the slight awkwardness of the conversation,

“let’s go then,” Tyler smiled locking his door.

The two rode in Tyler’s car heading to a coffee shop Tyler said he would sell his right arm for and Josh’s mind began to wander.

Josh considered the idea of Tyler and him being friends. Josh never had many friends, at the moment he has about three in total. Even then, two of his friends -Brendon and Dallon- Josh only sees because of his main friend Debby.

Debby was Josh's closest friend, Debby was always sweet and caring towards Josh, even on his bad days she had always helped him no matter what. Josh didn’t deserve her.

Josh continued to ponder watching the scenery flash past the car window. Would Tyler want Josh as a friend? Did he deserve Tyler as a friend? Probably not.

Josh was never good at the whole ‘friends’ thing, he never had the motivation to have friends or keep up with them. That would also be why he doesn’t have a boyfriend, he just is not motivated. Maybe Tyler could give Josh motivation. Josh doubted Tyler would even like him like that.

The two pulled up at the coffee shop that had a big purple neon light with the words ‘Mania’ illuminated above the door. Josh was impressed.

“When I said this place was good I may have been a bit biased, my friends actually own this place,” Tyler laughed holding the door open for josh, who smiled as a thanks.

“It looks pretty good to me,” Josh replied, admiring the dark atmosphere of the inner store, the inside was painted black but it had vintage lights and band poster covering all the walls illuminating the room to create an impressive atmosphere that Josh just couldn't get enough of. He wanted to live here.

“Tyler!” a man called from behind the main counter, he had dyed blonde hair and tattoo’s he looked like somebody Josh would like. Whether he would like Josh though was another question.

“Pete!” Tyler called back almost mockingly. “Where’s Patrick?”

“Out back, hold on,” Pete turned around looking through a small doorway, “Pat! Your favorite little guy is out here?”

“Pete, I told you to stop making inappropriate references at wor- oh hey Tyler,” Patrick blushed as he bounced out the doorway to see the two in the store, “I didn’t hear the door chime,”

“small? You serious?” Pete asked offended,

“Hey, Pat!” Tyler smiled ignoring Pete’s complaints before glancing at Josh, “meet Josh, he’s my neighbor,”

“Nice to meet you, Josh,” Patrick smiled, while Pete nods his head in Josh’s direction,

“uh, yeah same to you. Nice shop you have,” Josh said, he didn’t want to screw up the two guy’s impressions of him.

“Thanks, as you can tell you’ve come at our peak customer time,” Pete laughed before continuing, “Just the normal Tyler?”

“Yeah. Josh, what do you want?”

“uh just a black coffee thanks, no sugar,” Josh replied.

“Man you two are like polar opposites, Tyler gets our sweetest drink, Josh gets our least.” Pete states, Josh knows that sentence is more than true, Tyler is everything Josh is not. He’s confident, happy, kind and friendly. Josh wishes he was Tyler.

The two take seats by the window and begin to chat. Tyler begins to ask the normal conversational topics, starting with: “where do you work?”

“The local record shop, Spinners.” Josh states, he loves music but working at that shop is a nightmare.

“Oh yeah, I bet that’s a pretty cool job."

“uh, It's an alright job,” liar.

"Are you into music and stuff?” Tyler asks. Josh loved that question, he felt comfortable talking about music.

“Yeah, I play drums and trumpet, music is probably one of the only things I actually enjoy in this crap hole called life,” Josh chuckled but regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth, his anxiety-filled brain making him question everything he had said. Tyler was going to think he was weird, probably think he is some depressed loser, which isn’t too far from the truth if you really think about it.

Josh’s eyes shot down to the ground as he waited to see what Tyler’s reply would be.

But as if to save the moment -from Josh's perspective- Pete came over with their drinks and they both thanked him, Josh still unsure of what Tyler’s thoughts were, he only just met Tyler he didn’t want Tyler to think anything terrible about him.

Josh thought maybe Tyler would just change the topic but he didn’t. “You’re right about music." Tyler smiled sipping his frothy drink, "I play piano, ukulele, bass and I sing every once and a while and even if I’m just listening to music it’s the most enjoyable concept around. I couldn't live without it,"

Josh smiled widely. Tyler gets it, and maybe, just maybe Josh likes Tyler just a little. But only just a little.

Chapter Text

After Josh’s small rendezvous with Tyler at the coffee shop the two separated ways to enjoy the comfort of their own beds.

Tyler fell asleep rather quickly, tiredness nagging at his body. Josh, on the other hand, found it a bit more difficult.

Josh couldn’t stop thinking about everything, Tyler included.

What if Tyler was Gay or Bi? What if Tyler did in fact like Josh? Would he consider dating Josh? Would he be able to put up with Josh and his weird traits? Probably not. Besides from Debbie no one can.

Josh needed sleep.

It took another few hours of pondering before Josh’s body retired into the comfort of sleep. This was until around 9 when Josh was jolted awake by a nightmare. He rubbed a sweaty hand through his pink hair and took a deep breath collecting his racing heart.

Josh was glad he didn’t have to work today, he just wanted to spend the whole day in bed. He has no responsibilities in bed and plus, he just had no effort to move, there was no point really. So, Josh reached for his phone and checked to see his notifications, he had a message from Debby.

From Deb: Heya Joshie, just a friendly reminder that I love you and you should get out of bed x

Josh snorted, of course, Debby knew he was in bed.

To Deb: Deb, I love you too and as much as I would love to spend all day in your name backward, I will follow your command x

He wouldn’t.

Or would he?

There was a knock on the door and Josh groaned, of course, Debby would come to his apartment to make sure he was up. He pulled himself out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants not worrying about a shirt.

Josh opened the door and his eyes widened. It wasn’t Debby. It was Tyler and Tyler was definitely checking out Josh’s shirtless figure.

Josh placed his arms over his chest self-consciously and gave Tyler a confused smile. “Tyler?”

“Joshua!” Tyler smiled he was too perky for someone at 9 AM, “Is your full name Joshua? I hope it is,”

“Yeah, uh it is,” Josh shuffled nervously trying to hide more behind his arms. He didn’t want Tyler to think he was ugly.

“That’s awesome,” Tyler laughed.

“uh, not to sound rude but uh, what are you doing here?” Josh asked, man that was rude, Tyler was going to hate him, he should just shut up.

“Oh! Yeah well, I just finished my morning Red Bull and I decided to finally build the shelf I’ve had sitting in a box in my apartment for like months and I was wondering if you could give me a hand I’m terrible at building things,” Tyler smiled a small blush creeping to his cheeks as he admitted his incapability.

“Of course, uh just let me get changed and I’ll come around,” Josh smiled, this was a change of events, any other person Josh would’ve made an excuse to get away from, but Tyler was different. Josh was willing to sacrifice his day of relaxing just to feel them amazing blue butterflies in his chest for an hour or two. What was this boy doing to him?

“Okay, see you soon,” Tyler smiled widely before backing away and heading to his own apartment.

Josh closed the door and lowered his arms with a deep breath. He moved quickly back to his room and frowned when he saw himself in the mirror. How could he let Tyler see him when he was looking like this?

He quickly ripped off his sweatpants and traded them for a pair of black skinny jeans and pulled on a white t-shirt covered by a gray sweater with a few holes in it. It was one of his favorites.

He quickly darted into his bathroom and messed around with his hair until he thought it was adequate. He stared at his appearance for a few extra seconds thinking about the last time he actually tried to look good for someone or just in general, he’d given up a while ago, figured there was no use, he just has no effort.

He finally headed for the front door and swiftly exited his apartment. He knocked on Tyler’s door with a nervous smile and was instantly met with Tyler’s excitable smile which instantly widened Josh’s.

“Do you know what an Allen key is?” Tyler asked, “Is that a person or a tool? Or is it both?”

Josh giggled, he hadn’t giggled for years and that thought alone made him care for Tyler even more. “I think it’s just a tool,” Josh laughed. “But to be honest there prolly is a guy named Allen Key,”

“Prolly? Prolly. What a grand word,” Tyler smiled before letting Josh into his apartment. The two messed around for a while building the shelf, Josh doing more than Tyler as Tyler was completely hopeless at building – if you could even classify this as 'building'. Josh couldn’t believe how much fun being with Tyler is. He never wanted to go home.

“Praise Jesus, Mary and Sir Joshua, we have finished the shelf.” Tyler laughed flopping down on the couch with a sigh. “Thank you so much, Josh, I would’ve spent hours doing this alone and it would not look like this,”

“it’s no problem if I wasn’t doing this I’d just be in bed,” Josh smiled, he was getting more confident around Tyler and he loved it.

“I am rather disappointed though that you showed up wearing a shirt,” Tyler giggled to himself as he watched Josh blush immensely.

“uh, well, uh, I don’t sleep with a shirt on you see, I, uh, yeah,” Josh stuttered, what was he supposed to say? “thought you were gonna be Debby, didn’t uh expect you, uh, yeah Debby usually comes over on my days off, yeah,” Omg stop talking Josh.

Tyler was silent for a little while and Josh wondered whether he had said something wrong. “so, uh, Debby is she your...?”

“Girlfriend? No, no way, she just my best friend, I’m, uh, I’m kinda gay,” Josh stuttered again staring at the ground, what if Tyler wasn’t gay or bi and he was really homophobic? He couldn’t lose Tyler now that he’d just found him.

“oh,” Tyler said and then stared at the ground as if thinking. “That’s good,” Tyler smiled lightly looking up to Josh,

Josh didn’t know what that meant.

“Uh, Josh there’s this really cool thing I’d like to show you, I don’t want to ruin it by telling you, but uh, are you busy tonight?” Tyler asked,

“No, I never do anything,” Josh replied honestly.

“Good, wear what you’re wearing now – it looks nice - I’ll come to your door at 7:30”

“Okay,” Josh blushed, was this going to be a date?

Chapter Text

Josh fixed hair for the millionth time in the mirror and finally concluded it wasn’t going to get any better than its current state. He sighed and flopped down the couch.

Was this a date?

Was Josh going on a date?

Tyler wouldn’t want to go on a date with Josh.

Of course it’s not a date. How could Josh be so stupid?

Josh closed his eyes for a second. He kind of wished he could go back to bed. His bed never confused him like Tyler did, but then again, his bed never made him smile like Tyler did. What a paradox.

Josh glanced at the clock which read 7:20, he still had ten minutes.

Josh considered what his life would be like if he did date Tyler. He thought about how much effort he would have to put in, how much time he would have to spend with other people and not alone. He thought about how he would be under constant pressure to be a good boyfriend, how he would always have to be likable. In conclusion, Josh overthought everything to the point where he was afraid of even talking to Tyler in case this was a date.

Josh considered bailing on Tyler, saying he was sick, but as he thought that, there was a knock on the door and Josh was jumped from his thoughts as a swarm of blue butterflies entered his stomach.

He got up and opened the door to see a smiley Tyler at the door wearing black skinny jeans and an Ohio hoodie that made Josh smile equally as wide. Josh was from Ohio.

“Howdy neighbor,” Tyler smiled to Josh. “You ready?”

“uh, well, seeing as I don’t know where we are going I can’t really answer that question,” Josh replied quietly, after everything he had thought about he was extremely nervous.

“Well give it a minute and you’ll know exactly where we are going,” Tyler stated stepping backward as Josh exited his apartment shaking his pocket to make sure he had his key.

“A minute? It must be close,”

“Oh yeah. It's real close, closer than you think,” Tyler giggled and Josh raised a suspicious eyebrow.

Tyler turned and started to walk down the hall and josh followed slightly behind.

“technically where we are going isn’t supposed to be accessed by the public, but I love to break rules so y'know,” Tyler said, a devilish smile on his lips that made Josh nervous.

Tyler got to the stairwell and instead of going down he started to head up. Josh furrowed his brow but continued following nevertheless.

The two climbed two flights of stairs before they reached the roof door. Tyler turned to Josh with a smile before pushing the door open and exiting into the cool breeze of the night.

Josh followed and couldn’t believe how pretty the stars were from his position. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and it was so beautiful. “So, what do you reckon?”

“Tyler, this is amazing,” Josh gasped looking from the stars to Tyler and the city behind him. A warm smile formed on Tyler’s lips and he pulled the backpack he had off his shoulders and onto the ground. He quickly searched its contents and pulled out a blanket, before flattening it out and taking a seat cross-legged. Josh smiled before following suite.

They sat in silence for a while, Josh staring bewilderedly into the night sky oblivious to Tyler’s gaze being directly on him.

“It’s just so beautiful,” Josh smiled not taking his eyes off the many constellations.

“Yeah,” Tyler smiled still watching Josh watch the sky. “So beautiful,” he definitely wasn’t talking about the sky, but of course Josh didn’t realize that.

Josh took his eyes away from the sky and looked at Tyler who still hadn’t moved his gaze. As soon as they made eye contact Josh blushed and ducked his head away.

“Josh, you know you blush a lot,” Tyler giggled as Josh blushed even more, Josh didn’t reply just gave a small laugh.

The two fell into comfortable silence again before Tyler decided to lie down on the blanket prompting for Josh to follow.

To two lie there, shoulders almost touching watching as the stars twinkled in the sky.

“What’s your full name Josh?” Tyler asked.

“Joshua William Dun,”

“I like it,”

“Thanks, I got it for my birthday,” Tyler cracked up laughing as josh lies there with a smug grin on his face. Tyler’s laughter died down and Josh continued to talk. “Tyler, what’s your full name?”

“Tyler Robert Joseph,”

“I like it,”

“Thanks, I got it for my birthday,” the two continued to laugh, both equally happy to be in each other’s presence.

Tyler turned his head to look at Josh and Josh did the same, their faces were so close that if Josh leaned forward the tiniest bit they would be kissing. Josh turned his head away.

Tyler didn’t though, he continued to stare at Josh and eventually, Josh turned back.

“Joshua, you are so cute,” Tyler whispered almost quiet enough that if there was a stronger wind it would’ve been blown away.

Josh blushed hard and had to turn his head away, the smallest of smiled on his lips. Tyler let out a small laugh and turned his head away as well, he loved to watch Josh blush.

“You see that star over there?” Tyler asked Josh, pointing to the far left, “the bright one surrounded by the four duller stars,”

“yeah,” Josh replied his heart beating wildly in his chest. he couldnt believe Tyler just called him cute.

“I call that one Harry Styles,” Tyler giggled and Josh did too,

“and why is that?”

“He’s clearly the best member of One Direction and his new album is much better than anything any of the others have done so he shines brighter than them. See?”

Josh laughed for a while before replying, “you like One Direction?”

“Not particularly no,” Tyler laughed and Josh joined in, “I’m more of a Death Cab, Mutemath, alternative kinda guy,”

“They are both amazing,” Josh smiled, knowing Tyler had similar taste in music as he made him incredibly happy.

“They are,” Tyler smiled. Two stayed on the roof for at least another hour or so before deciding to head down. The walk back was filled with nervous smiles, blushed glances and racing hearts. Josh was in deep and falling further.

They reached Josh’s door first and Tyler stopped, standing at the door with Josh. They were staring at each other and even though eye contact for Josh was often hard, with Tyler, it wasn’t that bad.

“uh, I guess I better be heading inside then,” Josh stated, he didn’t know how to say goodbye, so he just slowly unlocked his door.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Tyler replied a small smile on his lips,

“goodnight Tyler,” Josh smiled,

“Goodnight Josh,”

Josh put his keys back in his pocket and as he brought his hands back, Tyler rested his hands either side of Josh’s face and slowly he was placing his lips on Josh’s. Josh’s hands instinctively rose to Tyler’s hips and he allowed himself to kiss back. That was until he started to overthink it and instinctively he pushed Tyler away. Tyler stared at josh confused and a little hurt, his hands were now lowered to his sides.

Josh continued to freak, why did he do that? This wasn’t good.

Josh just panicked and did the one things he was good at. Running.

Josh quickly darted into his apartment and shut the door firmly behind him before sliding down it with a shaky breath coming out of his lungs before he could even start to process what he had just done.

He was such an idiot.

Tyler liked him.

He pushed him away.

Tyler definitely didn’t like him now.

Tyler probably felt like an idiot.

He probably thought Josh was an idiot too.

Josh was an idiot.

Such a stupid idiot.

And with that, the stupid idiot let slow tears fall from each of his eyes, grieving the loss of something that would never be, and a happy life that will never be lived.

Josh could never be that lucky. Why did he think for a second he could?

Chapter Text

Josh was struggling to breathe, he could feel he was going to have a panic attack and he needed to calm down but he just couldn’t. It’s been an hour since he left Tyler and he still couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Tyler must hate him, Tyler will never want to see Josh ever again.

Josh needs to talk to Tyler, tell him it wasn’t personal, that Josh just has issues that need resolving.

He needs to apologize.

Josh got up and quickly opened the door struggling due to his shaky hands and teary vision.

He banged on Tyler’s door desperately, his breathing picking up even more after realizing what he was actually doing.

Josh stood there for a moment before the door was opened by a very tired looking Tyler wearing a pair of baggy sweatpants and a black shirt.

“Josh?” Tyler was shocked to see Josh, or maybe it was just because Josh was crying, shaking and struggling to breathe. “Josh, are you okay?”

“Tyler, I- I’m sorry, I’m so so so-rry,” Josh sobbed, “It’s n-not what it l- looked like,”

Tyler didn’t even reply he just pulled Josh inside and into a hug. He pulled josh tightly against his chest his brow still furrowed, he was confused. Josh sobbed into Tyler’s chest, his ability to breathe still not returned.

“Josh it’s okay, you need to breathe okay,” Tyler begged as he ran a hand through Josh’s hair.

“I’m sorry,” Josh sobbed out again. “P- please don’t hate m- me. I don’t want anyone e-else to hate me,”

Tyler lead Josh over to the couch sitting down with him. He pulled Josh away from him slightly but held on tightly to his shoulders. “Josh I don’t hate you now listen to me, I’m going to count and I need you to count with me, okay?” Tyler asked, he only knew a small amount about anxiety attacks and he knew counting helped -he couldn’t remember why though- he just really hoped it would help Josh.

“One,” Tyler counted and Josh repeated shakily.

“two,” they said together,

“three,” Tyler stopped counting after four and Josh continued on his own, his breathing was starting to even out. Tyler pulled Josh close to his chest again once he reached 8 and by 10 josh was only trembling lightly.

“It’s okay Josh,” Tyler said resting his head on top of Josh’s soft pink hair which was resting softly against his chest and ran his hand lightly over the top.

“I’m sorry,” Josh whimpered out again. He hated himself, here he was crying and having an anxiety attack in front of Tyler, he was only making things worse, now Tyler felt pressured into forgiving Josh. Josh was such an idiot.

“Josh, we will talk about this in the morning, okay? You need to get some sleep, just forget about all this for now, everything will be okay,” Tyler said staring at Josh with soft caring eyes.

“I don’t want to go,” Josh whimpered, he was being such a baby.

“Then don’t,” Tyler whispered softly. Tyler slowly began to stand with Josh following along. Tyler lead Josh into his bedroom where his bed was a mess of blankets, he straightened a few out before looking up to Josh. “Do you want to borrow these?” Tyler asked holding up a pair of sweatpants.

Josh just nodded his eyes still wet from all the tears. Tyler turned away and Josh changed out of his skinny jeans and jumper leaving only his white shirt on and then pulled on Tyler’s sweatpants. Tyler turned back around and climbed into the bed Josh following behind.

The two lie there for a second before Josh tapped Tyler’s arm. Tyler turned to Josh questioningly. “Can i- uh, just...” Josh didn’t know how to ask this and maybe it was overstepping the line, but Tyler understood and silently nodded his head.

Josh shuffled closer to Tyler and placed his arms around him gently, his head resting on Tyler’s chest. Tyler quickly made himself comfortable shuffling closer to Josh resting his arm on his back and his chin against Josh’s head.

“I’m sorry,”

“it’s okay Josh,”

They both eventually drifted to sleep and it wasn’t until around 10 when Tyler started to stir from his sleep.

The first thing Tyler became aware of was the weight that was currently on his left side. He opened his eyes and saw a mass of pink hair carefully rested on his chest, light and gentle snores escaping his mouth. He smiled to himself before frowning remembering how sad the beautiful boy from next door had been the previous night.

Tyler probably shouldn’t have kissed Josh, he just in the moment wanted to show Josh how much he cared. He had always seen Josh around the building and he’d always admired his smile and his eyes and he just thought maybe Josh liked him too. Now he wasn’t sure of anything at all. But that didn’t matter he just wanted Josh to be happy, the boy always seemed to look so sad.

Tyler scrolled through his social media for a while letting Josh sleep peacefully before he eventually awoke.

Josh blinked his eyes opened and took a second to readjust to his surroundings. He wasn’t in his room. Then he remembered.

Everything he had done came back all at once and he instinctively tightened his grip on Tyler. Tyler noticed Josh’s movement and moved his hand to Josh’s hair.

Josh looked up to Tyler slowly and Tyler gave him a kind smile. Josh started opening his mouth to apologize again but Tyler interrupted him.

“Good morning Josh, please, do not tell me you are sorry one more time, I’ve told you, it’s okay,” Tyler laughed as Josh hid his face blushing. The two shuffled and Josh sat up away from Tyler fiddling with his fingers.

“I don’t know about you but I could really use something to wake me up,” Tyler stated sitting up before getting out of bed and heading towards the kitchen. Josh followed slowly and wearily behind, this was going to be awkward, wasn’t it? He just knew it would be, he ruined everything.

“What would you like?” Tyler asked like nothing had happened the previous night, like this was normal, to Josh this was far from normal.

“Just a coffee, thanks,” Josh smiled his voice croaky.

“okay, one coffee it is,”

Tyler made Josh coffee in a comfortable silence as Josh took a seat on the bar stool that sat against the kitchen bench.

Once Tyler was done he brought the drink to Josh and took a seat next to him with a can of red bull for himself. The two drank their drinks for a while before Tyler took the leap. “Josh, what happened exactly last night?”

Josh looked up to Tyler. What did happen?

“I-, uh, it wasn’t, I just, Tyler... I’m screwed up,” Josh frowned giving up ever being able to explain it.

“Josh you’re not-“

“Tyler, I am, I am so very messed up that I shouldn’t be allowed to exist. I have a million problems and it’s just best if you stay away,” Josh stated it probably came out much harsher than he meant. Tyler looked down at his hand and Josh wondered if he should just leave, he’d hurt Tyler again if he didn’t.

“I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a little messed up,” Tyler muttered, he took a final sip of his drink and Josh thought over everything.

“I- I wouldn’t be any good for you,”

“I never said I wanted you to be,” Tyler frowned,

Josh was shaking again; his brain was waging a war and he didn’t know which side would win. Would he decide to just sweep Tyler off his feet with a kiss or just leave and never look back?

Josh avoided looking Tyler in the eye as he considered everything, but suddenly his hands were swept up and Tyler had a soft but firm hold on them.

“What do you think is so wrong with your life, that you can’t be good enough for anyone?” Tyler asked, his eyes were desperate for a clear answer. It looked as if he actually cared for Josh’s feelings. “I like you a lot Josh,” Tyler muttered, Josh had never seen this boy so nervous, he was always confident.

“Tyler, everything in my life has found a way to go wrong and it’s so god damn hard to- to just live when nothing is going for you, when all you want is nothing and to do nothing and be nothing cause you feel nothing. I can’t be a perfect boyfriend, not that that was what you wanted, I don’t know, I just, I can’t make you happy without hurting you along the way, I’ll just ruin everything. Why do you even like me?” Josh choked out, his eyes had filled with tears again and he was so tempted to run away again, to escape into the day and never come back. He didn’t. “I’m always so god damn miserable and no matter how many times I try to change that, it doesn’t go away,”

“Josh, look at me.” Josh looked up meeting those kind brown eyes of Tyler’s, “It’s okay to be hurt and get hurt, it’s okay to try and still fail, and you say you know these things are going to happen, but I don’t believe you. I think you’re so used to getting hurt that you don’t even try anymore. Josh, you seem to be so upset with who you are but please, just let me make you believe you are lovely. Even if that is just as your friend. Because even though we just met like what, a week ago? I feel like we could be so close and if you let me I will do anything and everything to try and make you happy,”

“You would do that?”

“With every bone in my body,” Tyler basically whispered,

Josh moved forward and hugged Tyler. After all this Tyler still liked Josh and Josh couldn’t have asked for anything better and maybe, for now, the two would just be friends, but Josh could never tell what would happen in the future.

Chapter Text

Josh had stayed at Tyler’s for a small amount of time before deciding it was time to go home and wallow in his confusion. Everything had escalated so quickly. One minute he and Tyler were building a friendship, the next they were kissing, then they were mad, and then they were sleeping in the same bed, then they were friends again. Josh wished he had’ve just kissed Tyler and left it at that, instead he didn’t and now they were both confused. They hardly even knew each other, but for some reason, Josh felt comfortable around Tyler as if they’d been friends forever.

Josh brought out his phone and decided to message Debby.

To Deb: I’ve screwed up so bad but it kind of ended okay

From Deb: what did you do this time? On a scale of 1 being the time you dropped your taco and 10 being the time I needed to take you to the hospital, where you at?

To Deb: for dramatic purposes, I’d say an 11 but in all seriousness probably a 9

From Deb: I’m coming over

Fifteen minutes passed before Debby walked in the front door and took a seat next to Josh on the couch who didn’t even look up from his phone. He was used to Debby.

“Josh,” Debby smiled, “seeing as this does not look like a 9 kind of situation I would like to tell you that you have some hot people living in your building,”

Josh placed his phone down and looked to Debbie. “Are you serious?”

“What? It’s true. The boy on the ground floor with the six pack was to die for, the girl in the elevator’s hair was on point and the boy walking down the hall was a total brown-eyed god,”

Josh looked up at the mention of those brown eyes. “What was he wearing?” Josh asked and Debby furrowed her brow.

“a black shirt and black jeans, I only remember because I thought it was very emo,” Debby laughed, “Are you looking for a boyfriend aye?”

“No, I just think that was Tyler,” Josh smiled to himself, even just thinking of Tyler made him smile.

“Tyler?”

“Tyler Joseph, he lives next door,” Josh stated.

“oh, is he good guy?” Debby asked slightly confused as to why Josh was smiling because of his neighbour Tyler.

“He’s a good kisser,” Josh smirked, he loved making his friend get riled up.

“WHAT? JOSHUA WILLIAM DUN WHAT HAVE YOU NOT TOLD ME?” Debby almost screamed.

“It’s a long story dear Debby,” Josh laughed.

“You better tell me the whole thing right now or I will make this a situation which you can call a 12 on your stupid scale!” Debby demanded, she wasn’t really mad, and that made Josh smile even more.

Josh continued to spend the next five to ten minutes explaining the whole story to Debby who had a huge smile on her face by the end.

“Debby, you’re not supposed to be smiling, I’m in a pickle of a situation,”

“seriously Josh?” Debby laughs at Josh’s stupidity.

“What?” Josh asks oblivious,

“This is amazing, now you know that Tyler likes you and cares about you and he knows things about you, you guys can take things slow, you can maybe date and this will be so good Josh!” Debbie exclaimed getting more excited by the second,

“But... I don’t know Deb, I-“

“I know Josh, you think you’ll screw up, but trust me, just go for it, you’re allowed to screw up,” Debby smiled warmly, Josh loved her.

-

The next morning Josh made his way to work and suffered through seven long hours of boredom before finally being able to go home. As soon as Josh entered his apartment his phone vibrated in his pocket.

From Tyler: SOS, do you know how to cook???? I have company and I’ve screwed myself

To Tyler: depends on the food. My expertise don’t necessarily match that of Gordon Ramsey’s

From Tyler: It’s chicken, so you’d think it’s easy, but I’m freaking HELP ME!

To Tyler: dw I can come help, who’s your guest anyway? Have you got a hot date?

Josh tried to ignore the tinge of jealousy that arose in his stomach as he wrote out that message.

From Tyler: now that you’re coming, yes

Josh felt his cheeks warm.

From Tyler: sorry aha, it’s actually my parents coming over, my mum was freaking out about me not being able to cook for myself and I’m trying to prove a point but it’s not going so well...

To Tyler: You’re an idiot, I’m coming over in 5

Josh quickly changed into a pair of black jeans and his favourite button up grey shirt before heading over. He knocked on the door and quickly a smiley Tyler opened it. “That was quick anyone’d think you lived next door, Did you know when you buy a chicken they don’t come with instructions,”

“um, most of them do, they’re usually on the packet,” Josh chuckled stepping into Tyler apartment,

“Well not this crappy excuse for one,” Tyler huffed flicking at the packeted chicken sitting on the bench.

“Where did you even get it from?” Josh asked,

“Pete dropped it over,” Tyler sighed, “I should’ve just got one myself,”

“Did you google how to cook it?”

“No, but that’s good idea, like what’s there even to know, just how long to chuck it in the oven for right?” Tyler hoped,

Josh shrugged his shoulder, “I think there might be a little more to it than that.”

The two spent awhile messing around with the food and finding instructions before successfully having a chicken and some vegetables roasting away in the oven. Josh was slumped down on the couch tired from his long day and Tyler walked over and lied down, his head rested in Josh’s lap. “sorry. It was either head in lap or feet in lap and my feet smell, so here I am,”

“You’re a mess you know?” Josh chuckled as Tyler laughed as well. It would be a lie if Tyler said he hadn’t lied down just so he could put his head in Josh’s lap. Tyler found it weird that he had so quickly become attached to this boy, he couldn’t really explain why either. He just was and he didn’t mind it one bit.

“What time are you parents coming?” Josh asked glancing at the small clock Tyler had on his wall.

“I’m not 100% certain but I think they should be a half hour or two away,”

Josh nodded and looked down noticing Tyler’s eyes planted on him. Josh knew he liked Tyler, he just wasn’t sure what he was going to do about it.

Tyler didn’t look away and Josh was partially struggling to maintain eye contact, it was always one thing he was never good at. But as time grew josh slowly lost the need to look away and the stare was indicating something new could be about to occur.

Tyler broke the contact only to look at Josh’s lips and Josh blushed a bright shade of pink. Tyler knew he shouldn’t, he knew what happened last time, but he wanted to kiss Josh so bad, he needed to. So, Tyler lifted his head just the tiniest bit and...

A loud knock came from the front door signalling that whatever Tyler thought could happen would not happen. Maybe that was for the best he needs to keep to himself more around Josh.

But then the knocking clicked in Tyler’s head and he sat up his eyebrows furrowed, his parents were early.

“Josh, they can’t know you were helping me with dinner, mum will plan my meals or like bring me fresh cooked meals every day and I need my independence.” Tyler worried,

“Just... uh make something up?” Josh offered.

“Wow josh, you’re so helpful,” Tyler replied sarcastically, getting to the door and pulling it open. Josh straightened his clothing so that he looked alright, he didn’t expect to be meeting anybody new. This wasn’t good, Josh meeting people never goes well, he becomes a nervous wreck. He’s gonna screw up.

“Mum! Dad!” Tyler cheered wrapping them both in a hug as Josh stood a fair distance away from the door.

“Tyler! Oh, you have company?” Tyler’s mum questioned as she looked at Josh. “Is this another one of your boyfriends?”

Josh nearly choked on air, another?

“Oh, no, mum, this is Josh, he’s my next-door neighbour, he brought the chicken we are having for dinner over and he stuck around just to make sure I knew what I was doing, even though I knew exactly what I was doing he still insisted on helping, Josh is nice like that,” Tyler smiled sweetly.

“Oh, that’s so nice of you Josh, I’ve been very worried that Tyler here hasn’t been feeding himself properly, he’s just so darn skinny,” Tyler’s mum joked.

“Not to mention you were worried that his neighbours were going to be terrible people,” Tyler’s dad laughed,

“It’s okay,” Josh managed to get out, standing awkwardly in the room, “Well, uh, I better get going, I’ll leave you to it, enjoy- uh your dinner,” Josh stuttered heading for the door, god he was being so awkward.  

“Josh, you don’t have to leave you can stay and have dinner with us,” Tyler’s dad stated, he was as nice as Tyler.

“No, I really must b-be going, Thanks, though, uh bye,” Josh said before leaving with an awkward smile.

Tyler looked to his parents and they were smiling at the door caringly, I don’t know what it was about Josh but as soon as you saw him you liked him.

“He seems nice,” Tyler’s mum smiled to Tyler,

“Yeah, he really is,” Tyler said in return.

Dinner went by smoothly and by the end of eating Tyler’s mum had brought the conversation back to Josh.

“are you close with Josh,” she asked casually,

“Josh, oh, uh, kind of, I mean I haven’t know him for very long, but I think we are gonna be really good friends,” Tyler stated, he honestly wasn’t sure what to say. It’s not like he could say ‘kind of but I want to be even closer, preferably close enough that our lips are touching.’ That wouldn’t go down well.

“Well that’s good, he seems like a shy boy and if he’s alone here I think you should take care of him, he seems very nervous around people,” Tyler’s mum stated, she had always been good at reading people, “he seems like the type of boy who would hide away, mentally and physically. Be there for him,”

“I will mum,” Tyler stated just a little confused, “Why do you care so much about me caring about Josh, you hardly know the guy,”

“oh, no reason, just that this world needs more kindness,” she smirked, Tyler knew silently she was rooting for the pair. Tyler’s mum was always rooting for Tyler to be with a kind boy like Josh, especially since the last few boyfriends he’d had were real douschebags.

Eventually, Tyler’s parents left and he was left alone. He kept thinking of Josh. His mum was right, Josh was one to hide away both mentally and physically. Tyler wouldn’t let that happen.

A burst of courage was shot through Tyler’s spine and he was compelled to do the one thing he knew he probably shouldn’t. He headed for the door.

Chapter Text

Josh was sitting on his couch scrolling through his phone when Tyler knocked on his door.

He quickly stood up, a wave of anxiety traveling through him. He wasn’t expecting anyone, Debby was working. Who could this be?

He opened the door exhaling a big breath of air when he realized it was just Tyler.

“Are you okay?” Tyler asked worry evident in his eyes as he took in Josh’s panicked appearance.

“Didn’t know who was going to be at the door,” Josh stated. Tyler furrowed his brow continued confused and Josh continued, “I don’t like talking to people much, it just kind of, I don’t know, scares me I guess. It’s stupid and childish, I’m sorry,”

“Josh, hey, it’s not stupid or childish and you have no reason to apologize to me,” Tyler stated warmly. He wanted to do nothing more than to reassure Josh of anything and everything. Actually, Tyler did want to do one thing more than that and that was what he was here for.

“Thanks,” Josh mumbled letting Tyler in and closing the door.

“Josh, I, I don’t know how to say this, but I just, we haven’t known each other long but I care about you a lot and I want to see you happy. I want to make you happy by destroying all the things that scare you, I don’t want you to have to hide away,” Tyler stated. He was doing this for himself but there were a million reasons why he was doing this for Josh as well. He just truly cared about that boy.

“You want to destroy all the things that scare me?” Josh questioned, “like... murder all the spiders?”

Tyler laughed, “No you idiot. But then again I would do that.” Tyler looked at Josh’s face softly and continued. “I mean more like, uh, tell me if you want me to stop. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,”

Tyler moved forward as Josh still looked slightly confused. Tyler then placed his hand on Josh’s cheek and slowly he brought his face towards Josh’s, he stopped for a second, looking into Josh’s eyes before Josh gave a small nod his hands rising to Tyler’s hips. Tyler finally closed the gap the two melting into a soft, gentle kiss.

It was perfect. They could both feel it. They moved in sync, lips stuck together and only breaking apart for breaths of air. Josh wanted more of Tyler, Tyler wanted more of Josh. Josh, missed this feeling, the feeling of belonging.

They pulled apart finally and Josh’s hands were shaking. Tyler quickly took them into his own and stared caringly into Josh’s eyes.

“Was that okay?” he asked, he never wanted to hurt Josh, not ever.

“Yes, it was- it was more than okay Ty,” Josh smiled looking up warmly meeting Tyler’s eyes which were mere centimeters away from his own.

Tyler smiled at the nicknamed, he didn’t get called Ty often.

“Do, do you want to stay and watch a movie, maybe have some coffee?” Josh asked,

“I’d love that,” Tyler stated.

The two sat shoulder to shoulder on the couch for the next hour and a half as the pair watched ‘That 70’s Show,’ which happened to be one of Josh’s favorites.

Josh discovered just how great it was to be with Tyler yet again and just how amazing it is to hold hands with him. But by 11 Josh couldn’t hold in all the yawns falling from his mouth. He hadn’t slept that well recently.

“You sound tired Josh you wanna call it a night?” Tyler asked watching as Josh’s tired eyes drooped as he nodded.

“I really do need sleep,” Josh mumbled,

Tyler stood with Josh and awkwardly looked to Josh. “Well, I guess I better um, head home then,”

“Wait? You’re leaving?” Josh asked quickly before realizing what he had just said. God, it made him some desperate.

“Do you want me to stay?” Tyler smirked, he didn’t know how Josh would feel, even though they had slept in the same bed before the circumstances were a bit different.

“Please,” Josh blushed staring at the ground,

Tyler walked forward planting a soft kiss on Josh’s forehead before following him to his bedroom.

As the two made themselves comfy in bed snuggled close to each other, Josh realized just how different this was to last time. Last time he was a mess and Tyler was still there for him. Tyler was such a decent guy, Josh wasn’t going to screw this up, not this time.

Josh carefully tucked his head into the crook of Tyler’s neck resting his hand on Tyler’s chest carefully. He could feel Tyler’s soft heartbeat which made his feel like it was going a million miles an hour.

“Goodnight Josh,” Tyler smiled running one hand over Josh’s hair.

“Goodnight Ty,” Josh mumbled into Tyler’s neck.

A while passed and Josh could tell Tyler was asleep. Josh wished he was asleep, it was the perfect moment to be asleep. This with Tyler was perfect, but of course, Josh’s mind was doing that crazy thing where he overthinks every tiny detail until he finds something wrong, and after twenty or so minutes he found it.

And he thought about it. For a solid hour, maybe more.

Then slowly but surely his body willed him into sleep.

When Josh awoke he shuffled around stirring Tyler from his sleep. Tyler looked down to Josh with a groggy smile. “Hey,” Josh smiled,

“Hey,” Tyler replied leaning over and placing a soft kiss on Josh’s lips. He looked up to Josh’s eyes just to double check he wasn’t making Josh uncomfortable and Josh’s heart almost doubles in size as he broke out into a smile.

But Josh was conflicted.

His mind last night made him think of things, certain uncertainties, but he couldn’t let his mind ruin what he had.

“Josh?” Tyler asked noticing Josh’s distanced thinking. “You okay?”

“what? Uh, yeah sorry, it’s just- nothing,” Josh stuttered, “I’m just overthinking again,”

“You can say anything to me Josh, even if you think it’s stupid, it’s better if you do,” Tyler smiled softly touching josh’s cheek lightly.

“I- just, I don’t know, you’re mum what she said yesterday, I’m not just another guy am I?” Josh asked nervously playing with the edge of the blanket.

“What? No Josh, no, god no. Every other guy I’ve ever been with has been nothing. You’re so sweet and caring, I would never compare you to anyone,” Tyler smiled, this was new but he knew Josh would be different.

Josh blushed and hid face under the blanket which made Tyler laugh. Everything was going to be just fine.

Chapter Text

Tyler watched caringly as Josh dashed around the kitchen preparing Tyler something to eat and drink for breakfast. Tyler had insisted on helping but Josh was too nice and said if Tyler even tried to help he’d have to handcuff him to the wall. Tyler thought it was best to just stay away after that. Tyler really cared about Josh, that much he knew. He cared about every little thing, his shyness, his stuttering when nervous, his careful hands and most importantly his pink lips and hair and his beautifully brown eyes.

“Josh,” Tyler said to gather Josh’s attention,

“Hm?”

“You said you don’t like meeting new people, right? It makes you nervous. So how do you work at a music store?” Tyler asked he had been rather curious of this detail.

“It doesn’t actually affect me there,” Josh smiled pouring out a coffee for them both. “There they only see me as a guy who’s going to sell them something, they don’t necessarily judge me, or see me as an individual. Whereas, if I was to meet someone new on the street or through a friend they would be judging me as an individual, they know me as ‘Josh Dun’ and that, well, that’s harder to deal with,”

“Oh, I’ve never thought about that before,” Tyler said thinking it over,

“It’s stupid, I know. Like I don’t usually tell people because they just tell me to ‘grow up’ or ‘get over it’ but I- uh, I trust you,” Josh said keeping eye contact to the ground,

“Josh, that’s not stupid. You are so freaking brave. I’m glad you can tell me these things cause I’m never going to tell you to ‘get over it’ not ever Josh,” Tyler said warmly, placing his hand on Josh’s arm making Josh connect his eye contact with Tyler’s and not the ground.

Josh smiled and handed Tyler a coffee and waffle. “Man, I haven’t had a proper breakfast like this in years!” Tyler laughed,

“It’s just coffee and a waffle Tyler,” Josh stated with a furrowed brow as the two took a seat at the table,

“I know, but I have a red bull for breakfast everyday,” Tyler chuckled and Josh shook his head a small laugh escaping him as well.

The two ate their breakfast and cleaned up before Josh started to stress over the question of 'what now?'

Josh looked at Tyler nervously and Tyler smiled in return. He was so soft.

“Josh, I’m pretty sure I have to work,” Tyler said and Josh felt his insides drop, he didn’t want to say goodbye to Tyler, he wanted to just spend every day with him.

“Oh,” Josh frowned. If Josh was honest to be he had no clue what job Tyler had. He wasn’t sure if they ever discussed it.

“You wanna come with me?” Tyler asked raising an eyebrow.

“With you? To work?” Josh confirmed,

“Yeah!” Tyler laughed, “you know what my job is right?”

“Uh, no,” Josh blushed.

“really? I never told you? Well that’s surprising I usually love to talk about it,” Tyler stated, “I’m a writer,”

“Oh? Really?” Josh was surprised –in a good way of course. He didn’t expect Tyler to have that kind of job.

“Yeah, I’m currently writing a piece surrounding a character who’s a criminal and has to battle his morals to do what he needs to do and stuff. So, I need to go gather information from the college library around law, you wanna come?” Tyler asked,

“I’d love to,” Josh smiled widely.

“Plus, we can get Taco Bell for lunch.”

If Josh wasn’t in before he definitely was now.

-

The two spent a while in the local public college library as Tyler flicked few a few larger books that Josh didn’t even want to think about as Josh sat there playing games on his phone. Tyler finally closed the last book and with a sigh flopped his head down on the table and closed his eyes.

“These books are so boring,” Tyler complained,

“You’re the one who chose to read them,” Josh teased,

“Shuttup,” Tyler laughed picking the books up and returning them thanking the lady as he passed. Josh couldn’t understand how doing something like that came so easily for Tyler, Josh would’ve avoided all contact with that lady and if he had to say something he would’ve stuttered all the way through, he was hopeless.

“You ready to head out I need a feed,” Tyler asked pushing his chair in and grabbing his phone,

“Yeah,” Josh replied standing from the table,

“Cool, I’ll just run to the bathroom, meet me out at the car?”

“Will do,” Josh smiled before they headed in opposite directions.

Josh walked through the front entrance of the section he was in and into the main hall of the building and as he did a familiar face fell into his direct line of vision, a face that made him stop in his tracks.

Alex.

Alex turned to Josh and upon seeing him broke out in a massive smile. “Josh? Omg Josh, it’s been so long, what the hell are you doing around here?”

“Hey, uh, Alex! I was here with a friend, helping him with this, uh, thing he has to do,” Josh stuttered, Alex was the last person Josh wanted to see. He had hoped he would never see him again.

“Oh, a friend hey? Is he your boyfriend?” Alex teased a sly smirk on his lips that made Josh rather uncomfortable,

“No,” Josh spat out quickly, he wasn’t sure why, the statement was true though, “he’s just a friend,”

“Well then, if my wee Joshie here is still single, I might have to buy you a drink for old times’ sake, what do you reckon?” Alex smirked raising an eyebrow, Josh did not like this idea at all.

“Uh, I’m not sure when I will be, uh, free, um, so I’m not sure,” Josh struggled to get out. Where the hell was Tyler? He needed him ASAP.

“Well, I guess I have your number and I hope you still have mine, I guess I’ll just shoot you a message,” Alex stated placing his hand on josh’s arm making Josh flinch only slightly. “See you around,”

Alex flashed Josh a winning smile before walking away further into the building. Josh was shaking. He never wanted to see him again. He was never supposed to see him again.

“Josh? Hey? What are you doing?” Tyler approached Josh from behind carefully placing his hand on Josh’s arm which was welcomed, unlike Alex's. Josh looked at Tyler and realized he had just been standing in the middle of the hall for a few minutes.

“Oh, no nothing, just talking to an old friend,” Josh stated, it wasn’t a lie.

“Was that the guy that was just here?” Tyler asked, Josh hoped he hadn’t seen him touch his arm, what if he thought Josh was cheating?

“Yeah, Alex. I hadn’t seen him in a long time,” Josh stated brushing it off, “let’s go?”

“Yeah,” Tyler said still slightly suspicious to Josh’s ‘friend’ but ignored it anyway, Josh knew Tyler was there if he needed to talk and Tyler and Josh weren’t at the position of diving right into every detail of each other just yet. So, Tyler brushed it away and enjoyed a nice lunch with Josh at Taco Bell.

Chapter Text

Josh and Tyler exited the elevator and made their way down the hallway to their front doors. Upon turning the corner Tyler saw a young blonde standing at the door of Josh’s apartment knocking loudly.

“Debby!” Josh called startling Tyler.

The blonde turned around quickly with a smile and ran forward wrapping Josh in a hug. “Josh!” Debby cheered,

“Who’s your friend? Oh wait, is this Tyler?” Debby asked turning to face Tyler who had a furrowed brow. How did she know his name and who is she?

“Yeah, uh, Tyler this is Debby, Debby this is Tyler,” Josh said awkwardly introducing the two.

“Hi,” Tyler said,

“Hey,” Debby smiled widely,

“So, uh what are you doing here Debby,” Josh asked,

“I was coming to check up on you,” Debby smiled sweetly as they all continued to walk to Josh’s front door.

“Wanna come in for coffee?” Josh asked as Tyler stood awkwardly to the side, did that mean him too?

“Of course,”

Josh unlocked the door and Debby walked in before Josh turned to Tyler. “Coming Ty?” Josh asked a soft smile on his lips.

Tyler just smiled in reply and followed Josh in the door.

Tyler and Debby sat at the table as Josh brought them over a coffee each. Josh was nervous having both Tyler and Debby together, he wasn’t sure why, he knew he shouldn’t be he just was. Maybe it was because they were important in his life and if they didn’t like each other it would be a complete disaster.

“So, Josh did you hear Brendon and Dallon are throwing a party to mark two years of ‘bromance’,” Debby giggled rolling her eyes after saying ‘bromance’

“You’re kidding me,” Josh laughed, “how did Brendon convince Sarah of this? Actually, let me repeat that, how did he convince Dallon of this?”

“I have no clue,” Debby laughed, Tyler had no clue what was going on, Brendon? Dallon? Sarah?

“I’m guessing you’re the messenger who is telling me that I have to go,” Josh states,

“Yeah, they said if you don’t come they will personally burn down your apartment building, whether you and many others are inside or not didn’t really matter apparently,” Debbie laughed, “they’ve lost their minds,”

“Looks like I’m going to be homeless then,” Josh chuckled,

“Um, seeing as I also live here I think you should go this party and maybe get friends who aren’t psychopaths,” Tyler piped up with a laugh,

“Tyler, you don’t even know the worst of Brendon Urie,” Josh said to Tyler before turning to Debby, “Tell Brendon, I will only come to his party if Tyler can come,”

“Deal,” Debby smiled widely,

“You do wanna come right, Ty?” Josh looked to Tyler hopefully and maybe slightly nervous,

“Of course,”

“Sick.” Josh smiled before sighing “I hate parties, why does Brendon insist on having parties?”

“They’re supposed to be fun Josh, you know, make friends and all that,” Debbie said rolling her eyes,

“I have friends,” Josh lied,

“Oh yeah? In my rules, you can only say you don’t need any more friends when you have 7,” Debby smiled deviously, “how many have you got?” Tyler liked her she had spunk.

“Well there is you, Brendon, Dallon, Tyler… uh,” Josh faltered, this made Tyler sad, Josh was an amazing guy, how does he not have millions of friends. Josh looked to Tyler for support before continuing, “these guys named, Pete and Patrick,” Josh smirked knowing they weren’t actually his ‘friends’ but Debby didn’t have to know that,

“Oh yeah, I’ve never heard of them,” Debby stated raising her eyebrows suspiciously,

“They work at the ‘Mania’ coffee shop Tyler and I have gone to,” Josh said proudly, Tyler giggled a little,

“Well that is 6, you need one more,” Debby laughed, Tyler could tell she cared for Josh a lot.

“uh…” Josh furrowed his eyebrows, he couldn’t think of anyone. He looked at Tyler again for any possible help and Tyler shrugged before remembering the name Josh had told him today.

“What about Alex?” Tyler piped up and Debby’s head instantly snapped towards Tyler and then Josh,

“Alex?” She repeated, Tyler furrowed his brow, Debby looked worried. Who was this guy?

“Yeah,” Josh said clearing his throat, “I ran into him today, we just chatted then Tyler came and we left,”

Josh was staring intensively at Debby and Debby dropped whatever it was she wanted to say. Tyler was far more than just confused. Who was this guy?

“See th- that’s 7. You happy now Debby?” Josh laughed but the air was still laced with something mysterious and uneasy.

Debby left soon after and it was just Tyler and Josh again. Josh was shaking slightly again and he hoped Tyler wouldn’t notice and ask about it. He would have to explain who Alex is then and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

Meanwhile, Tyler was itching to ask, he wouldn’t, but he wanted to. He wanted to know who this Alex guy truly was.

Tyler decided to sleep another night at Josh’s and Josh couldn’t have been happier. This was new and exciting and whatever the two of them had scared the hell out of Josh, but he was here with Tyler and for some reason, he didn’t think anything else mattered.

Josh lied there with Tyler's chest to chest and his mind was thrown, why was this going so well? Josh’s bad luck always intervened, why hadn’t it yet?

Josh drifted to sleep rather fast, the steady beat of Tyler’s heart like a soft lullaby willing him to sleep. But it didn’t take long for Josh to wake. He was startled from his sleep by another nightmare, this time involving Alex.

He hadn’t had a nightmare in a while, they used to be frequent but of recent times they’d been more scattered and only happening every once and a while.

Josh was struggling to breathe and quickly got out of the bed making sure he didn’t wake Tyler. Josh stepped outside into the fresh air of the balcony and shakily grabbed the railing that separated him from a five-story drop.

His lungs continued heaving for air and he closed his eyes trying to focus on correcting his breathing. He was so occupied with his breathing he didn’t hear the balcony door behind him open and shut and Tyler step out next to him a worried expression on his face.

“Josh?” Tyler said placing his hand on Josh’s back,

Josh jumped but was relieved to see Tyler.

Tyler noticed Josh’s erratic breathing and instantly remembered what he had done last time to calm Josh down. “hey, Josh, remember what we did last time you couldn’t breathe? Count with me remember,” the two counted Tyler stopping like last time and Josh continuing on.

When Josh reached 10 he still wasn’t evenly breathing but his breathing had improved.

“Josh take a few really deep breaths okay?” Tyler said panicking slightly, what if he couldn’t help Josh?

Josh breathed in and out a few times and his breathing was slowly slowing to a steady even pace.

Josh felt like an idiot again. Tyler must think he is a wimp, he’s so stupid. Josh didn’t even get a chance to think anymore when he was pulled into Tyler’s warm embrace. “It’s okay Josh,”

They stayed like that for a while before they pulled apart Tyler still having his arms firmly around Josh’s sides. He stared into his eyes as if searching for something. “What’s wrong Josh?”

Josh didn’t answer he just leaned down and kissed Tyler again. It was slow and careful and didn’t last long, but to Josh, it meant the world.

He relies on Tyler an unhealthy amount for the amount of time they’ve known each other. He couldn’t care less though.

Chapter Text

Josh and Tyler climbed back into bed and Tyler pulled Josh as close to him as he could. Josh loved the feeling of being close to Tyler, it was scary and intimate but he had been lacking the feeling of comfort and affection for a long time.

Tyler kept looking worriedly at Josh and Josh wanted to explain everything to Tyler, he really did, it was just hard. It wasn’t something he enjoyed talking about, he also didn’t want Tyler to look at him differently.

“Josh, what’s wrong?” Tyler asked,

“It’s nothing Tyler, don’t- don’t worry,” Josh said quietly into Tyler’s chest.

“Please, Josh, you know you can trust me, I’m here for you,” Tyler smiled softly nudging at Josh slightly,

“It- it was just a bad dream, o- one from my past, I don’t want you to know, at least not yet,” Josh frowned, “I’m sorry,”

Tyler placed one hand on Josh’s cheek and smiled, “you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to okay, I just want to know that you’re okay,”

“I’m okay,” Josh smiled snuggling into the crook of Tyler’s neck. Tyler smiled happy to be with Josh, he also hadn’t been this close to someone in quite a while.

-

The next morning Josh and Tyler parted ways. Josh had a long shift at work and Tyler decided to take the time to work on his book.

Josh was not looking forward to work. He loved the store he worked at, he did not love working there. His boss was a pain in the ass. He was always yelling at Josh and blaming things on him that he didn’t even do. Worst of all he made Josh look bad on purpose in front of customers and employees. Josh hated him.

“Morning Josh,” His boss said straight-faced as Josh walked into the back room,

“Morning Andrew,” Josh replied sharing the same straight face.

“You’re free to work this Saturday, right?” Andrew asked, Josh knew no matter what he said he’d have to work, “Mark -the new guy- called in saying a relative died and he has to go to the funeral, I said you’d take his shift,”

“Yeah, sure,” Josh said boredly before exiting and walking out to the register ready to start his shift.

“Come on Josh, you got to at least look like you enjoy your job. If customers see you like that they’ll leave for sure,”

The next few hours passed slowly as Josh served near to no customers before finally it hit 12 and he could take his lunch break. Josh grabbed his stuff from out back and stepped out into the dark with one last word from his boss saying, “don’t be late or I’ll have to fire you.” Andrew always managed to say things with this light tone but everything else about him spoke ‘I’ll kill you if you even think something wrong.’ Josh hated him.

Josh walked an extra two blocks than normal skipping his normal lunch spot to go to Mania. He wondered if he’d see Patrick and Pete. They seemed like decent guys, hopefully, Josh could communicate with them like a normal human being.

Josh entered the small café and headed for the counter where he immediately saw Pete. He took a deep breath psyching himself up. ‘They like Tyler, Tyler likes you, they’ll like you’ Josh repeated before Pete lifted his head to see Josh.

“Hey! Josh, right?” Pete said, a cheerful grin on his face.

“Hey, uh, yeah, Pete, how, uh, how’s it going?” Josh replied, so far so good.

“Not too bad, I can’t complain,” Pete laughed, “What can I get you?”

“Just a black coffee and cheese toasty, thanks,” Josh replied exhaling a breath he didn’t know he was holding in slowly taking his eyes away from the menu above the register,

“You missed Tyler he was in here earlier,” Pete informed Josh. Josh frowned he missed being with Tyler. A few weeks ago, he didn’t even know the boy by name but now he didn’t want to spend a day apart from him. This was an unexpected turn of events.

“Really? Damn,” Josh laughed,

“He wouldn’t stop talking about you, Josh this, Josh that, on and on and on,” Pete laughed and Josh blushed a bright red. “when I saw you two together the first time you came in I bet Patrick 20 bucks you’d be together within the month, guess who’s 20 dollars richer?” Pete cackled, “not Patrick that’s for sure,”

“it was that obvious huh?” Josh smiled, he liked Pete a lot, Pete was calm and easy going, Josh found him to be another person it was easy to talk to.

“So obvious,”

Josh ate his lunch in the same seat he sat in last time and was almost finished when another figure entered the relatively busy café.

Alex.

Josh ducked down slightly to hide his face and was trying to think of a way to escape without being seen but Alex was too close to the door.

Josh needed to get away.

Alex walked up to the counter talking to Pete before ordering what Josh presumed was a coffee. Josh stayed still and silent finishing his meal watching closely to see where Alex would go.

Alex grabbed his coffee shortly after and turned around, any chance Josh thought he had of leaving were gone. He had been spotted.

“Josh? Again, twice in two days?” Alex laughed and Josh wanted to run away,

“Yeah, uh, weird,” Josh said keeping his eyes averted from Alex’s face, his eyes were the worst.

“You never texted me about catching up, do you not want to hang out with me?” Alex asked taking the seat across from Josh. Josh stiffened, he wanted to be anywhere from here, he wanted Tyler, Tyler was safe.

“I, uh, I forgot, got- uh, got busy,” Josh stuttered bad,

“Josh, I told you about stuttering, it’s not pretty,” Alex said lightly but with a sly grin,

“s- sorry,” Josh frowned his hands were shaking again. “I- I’ve got to go, I-, I have work,”

Josh tried to stand but Alex grabbed his arm that was on the table and Josh was forced to stay. “Josh, you better message me, I think we could give what we had a second chance, I could give you a second chance,”

Josh’s head shot up. He would give Josh a second chance? Josh had done nothing wrong.

Josh pulled his hand away quickly before exiting the café quickly, his walk becoming almost a jog as he headed down the block away from the café. He picked up his phone and called Debby.

It ran twice before Josh heard a calm, “Hello?”

“Debby,” Josh breathed out relieved to hear her voice,

“Are you okay?” She asked she was calm but suspicious.

“No,” Josh stated plain and simple.

“What’s wrong Josh, do you need me to come get you?” Debby asked this time sounding panicked.

“It’s Alex, I ran into him again. Why won’t he just leave Debby?” Josh choked out, people were staring at him he needed to go somewhere but he had to go back to work. his brain was firing back and forth no clue what to do.

“Take a deep breath Josh, it’s okay. Is he with you or around you right now?” Debby asked,

“No, I left,” Josh said trying to remain calm,

“You have work now don’t you?”

“Yes, I have ten minutes to get back,” Josh stated,

“Will you be okay at work for a few hours then I can pick you up and we’ll talk this over?”

“Yeah,” Josh said taking another deep breath,

“Okay, now just keep breathing and I’ll see you in a few hours, okay?” Debby said keeping her voice nice and calm for Josh,

“Okay, thank you,” Josh said before ending the call and quickly making his way back to work.

The following hours passed relatively slow but eventually, Debbie was out front and Josh was ready to leave. Josh said goodbye to Andrew who again complained saying he should increase Josh’s hours so he must help close the store but Josh couldn’t care less, he just wanted to go home.

Debby smiled softly as Josh hopped in the passenger side of her car. Josh smiled back and without any words being spoken the two drove back to Josh’s.

Once back at his apartment Josh entered and walked all the way to his bed before throwing himself down in the mess of blankets hoping it had a small smell of Tyler from the previous night. He smiled when he realized it kind of did.

“Josh, do you want to talk about it or sleep?” Debby asked it was the first time either of them had said anything to each other since they got in the car.

“Sleep,” Josh stated closing his eyes and pulling the blankets close to his chest,

Debby walked in and placed her hand on Josh’s head, “Good night,”

“It’s four in the afternoon,”

“Good afternoon,”

Meanwhile, Tyler was sat in front of his computer forty thousand words deep into his novel when his phone rang.

Tyler picked it up instantly reading the caller I.D. ‘Pete’

“Hello?” Tyler answered,

“Hey, Tyler!” Pete said cheery,

“I don’t want to sound rude, but I don’t think I’ve ever had a phone conversation with you before, so uh, what’s going on?” Tyler laughed,

“What if I just wanted a nice chat, huh?” Pete responded,

“Go on then,” Tyler joked,

“Yeah you’re right I don’t want to chat. I’m here to ask if Josh is okay? Or if you know if he’s okay?” Pete said and Tyler furrowed his eyebrows in confusion,

“What do you mean?”

“Well he came in for lunch today and then this other guy came in and sat with him and you could tell Josh did not want to be there, and then the guy like grabbed his arm and I was about to go over when Josh left,” Pete recalled.

“Who was it?” Tyler asked worried,

“When he ordered his coffee, he put it under the name, Alex,”

Alex.

The stupid name again, Tyler is sick of that name.

“Thank you, Pete, I’ll go check on him now,” Tyler stated before saying goodbye and ending the phone call.

He needed to see if Josh was okay.

Chapter Text

Tyler walked to Josh’s door and knocked. The door was opened and stood in front of Tyler was Debby.

“Tyler,” Debby smiled warmly,

“Debby, is Josh okay?” Tyler asked,

Debby furrowed her brow, “How’d you know?”

“My friend worked at the café Josh was at when he ran into Alex, said he was upset,” Tyler stated,

“Oh, do you want to see him, he’s supposed to be sleeping but he might be awake,” Debby said stepping out of the doorway to let Tyler in,

“Thanks, Debby,” Tyler smiled heading to Josh’s bedroom.

Once he entered Josh’s bedroom he could see Josh’s figure lying under the covers on the bed, his hair a small mess. Tyler thought he looked cute like this. Tyler stood there for a second just watching Josh sleeping before realizing it was probably weird and moved to the opposite side of the bed slowly and carefully sliding in next to Josh.

Tyler inched slowly bit by bit closer to Josh until he was able to place one arm over Josh’s chest and lie snuggled into his side. Tyler let his eyes fall closed and be lost in the feeling of being close to Josh.

He wondered what he and Josh were. Had they been on a date? Did the roof count? He wanted to be Josh’s boyfriend but he wasn’t sure if that’s what Josh would want, he still seemed nervous to the idea of the two although, he had warmed to it a bit.

Tyler opened his eyes again staring at the side of Josh’s face, it was so beautiful. Tyler loved the way his eyelashes stood, the way his cheeks would dust with the slightest pink and especially the way his eyes would crinkle when he would smile. Tyler couldn’t get enough of Josh.

Tyler drifted off slowly only waking a while later to the feeling of a soft hand tracing lines over his arm. He opened his eyes to see Josh awake and carefully tracing his finger slowly over the skin of Tyler’s arm that was around him.

“Josh,” Tyler whispered to grab his attention,

“Ty,” Josh whispered back a smile coming to his face, “You’re awake,”

“So are you,” Tyler laughed, he loved it when Josh called him Ty,

“What are you doing here?”

“I heard you didn’t have the best day today,” Tyler stated,

Josh furrowed his brow before asking, “Debby?”

“No, Pete,”

“Oh,” Josh looked away from Tyler, “I’m fine,”

Tyler cupped the side of Josh’s face moving in closer, “You don’t have to be,”

Josh looked back to Tyler, the tears forming in his eyes threatening to spill over. “I’m supposed to be,”

“No, you’re not Josh, not everyone is okay and that is okay,” Tyler states he pretty much leaning over Josh now he was that close, he had one hand on his cheek and the other on the side of Josh keeping him up.

“I want to be the one who’s okay for once,” Josh said the tears finally falling from his eyes freely.

“You will be Josh, I promise, maybe not today or tomorrow but one day you will be okay, I promise, one day you will be okay,” Tyler stated he was 100% honest, he was going to make sure Josh was okay,

Josh smiled at Tyler caringly his eyes still fresh with tears, “Thank you Ty,”

Josh leaned up and placed his lips on Tyler’s. the two moved together Tyler moving down so Josh’s head was on the pillow again. They pair didn’t stop, they continued to kiss for longer than ever before. Tyler moved his tongue against Josh’s lips as if asking for access and Josh’s lips parted to allow Tyler access to his mouth. Josh’s hands stayed firmly on Tyler’s waist and Tyler’s balanced himself over Josh’s with one softly on Josh’s cheek.

It was perfect. The two together, Josh felt safe.

He felt safe last time too.

Last time wasn’t safe.

Josh pushed Tyler off him and Tyler stared back a bit hurt and confused. “Josh?”

“I- I, I can’t. I- I, I I’m s-sorry,” Josh was shaking, he needed to explain, he couldn’t. Tyler probably hated him. Why does he keep screwing up, it’s all his fault.

Tyler keeping space from Josh moved his hands to either side of Josh’s face. “Josh, deep breaths, you’re safe, it’s okay,”

Josh was shaking but tried to take deep breaths. Tyler is here, Tyler is okay, Tyler is safe.

“Do you want to count Josh?” Tyler asked,

“One,” Josh stated not needing Tyler to start him off, “Two,” Josh counted to ten and he felt better but he didn’t feel good about pushing Tyler away.

It was silent for a second before Tyler spoke.

“Josh, I’m sorry,” Tyler frowned looking away from Josh,

“What?” Josh asked confused, “W- why are you sorry?”

“I went too far, I should’ve made sure you were okay,” Tyler said sadly,

“No, Tyler, it wasn’t you, you were good, I just- I- I have to tell you something,” Josh said, this was it, if he was sure he wanted to be with Tyler, he had to learn how to tell Tyler things that were important or worrying him.

He had to tell him about Alex.

Chapter Text

“What is it Josh?” Tyler asked and Josh took a deep breath,

“Alex, he wasn’t exactly an ‘old friend’” Josh said, sitting up in bed so his back was leaning against the headboard, Tyler followed sitting as close to Josh as possible. “Alex was my ex-boyfriend. Uh, we started dating back when I was 19 and I guess I didn’t know what I was getting into,”

Tyler reached out and grabbed Josh’s hand.

“He was nice and kind and I kind of, I don’t know, I just got stuck,” Josh frowned, “he changed and he became this different person. I- I dated him for about eight or so months and then he just he kept getting mad and stopped caring about me, he accused me of cheating, wouldn’t let me hang out with my friends, he was just an asshole. But it got worse and worse and Debby begged me to break up with him but I was so scared but I- I decided to do it. So, I waited until he came home -this was probably a bit after a year of dating- and then he, uh, well, he didn’t, he didn’t take it well. He got angry and he lashed out and when I kept saying I didn’t want to stay he got even angrier and he- he uh, he hit me and he told me if I left he would come and find me and hurt me. I, I was so scared, but I got away, at least I thought I got away. Debbie, Brendon, and Dallon they took me in for a while until we were sure he was gone and I thought he was but three years later, here he is again and I just, Ty, I just don’t want to get hurt again.” Josh frowned, he was never good at explaining the story, not that he ever really had to, he just didn’t know how to say it.

“Josh, I, that’s, I’m sorry,” Tyler said he eyes were wide and he was staring deeply at Josh. “He shouldn’t have ever treated you that way,”

Josh just looked down at his and Tyler’s hands intertwined on his lap.

“Josh?”

“I finally get something good and of course that’s when he decides to come back,” Josh sighs, that would be how it goes, he could never just be happy.

“Josh, it’s going to be okay, I won’t let him ruin anything, I promise,”

Josh took a deep breath and closed his eyes, Tyler placed his other hand on Josh’s cheek, “do you want to go on a date, with me, tonight?”

Josh’s eyes shot open and he stared at Tyler for a while before replying, “yes,”

Tyler smiled widely and Josh followed, “seven thirty, so in an hour I will return and wear something casual but nice and I will take you somewhere really nice,”

“Okay,” Josh blushed, he was going on a date with Tyler, an actual official date, and this time he wouldn’t screw it up.

-

In exactly an hour there was a knock on Josh’s front door and Debby stood idly by excited to see Josh off on his date.

Josh pulled open the door after one last brush down of his black skinny jeans and gray button shirt. Tyler stood in front of Josh wearing a pair of black jeans like Josh’s and a nice black shirt and red jacket. Josh smiled, Tyler looked so good.

“Hi,” Josh said,

“Hello Joshie,” Tyler laughed,

“Joshie?”

“Yeah, that is your new nickname and nothing you say will change that,” Tyler smiled sweetly reaching out and taking Josh’s hand,

Josh laughed and turned to Debby, “You’re okay to let yourself out?”

“I’ll be fine, you two have fun,” Debby said in reply a smile on her face as wide as the sun,

“Thanks, Deb, bye,” Josh and Tyler stepped out of the apartment and into the hall and the two exchanged smiles.

Tyler was going to make this night amazing for Josh. God knows he deserves it.

Tyler couldn’t believe Alex could treat someone as kind and sweet as Josh as bad as he had. Josh was adorable and so amazing why would anyone hurt him, he deserved the world and Tyler would give him the world. He would stop at nothing to make sure Josh was okay and happy. That’s all that mattered now. Josh deserved it.

The two walked to Tyler’s car and Josh asked, “So where are we going?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out,” Tyler laughed,

“you would,” Josh laughed opening the passenger side door.

The journey there was quiet, only filled with the low hum of the radio, but neither of them minded.

Tyler pulled the car up to a small diner that Josh had never seen. “What is this place?”

“An amazing place with the best fries you will have ever tasted in your life,” Tyler laughed, “It’s called After Laughter, it’s nice very old style,”

“Sounds great!” Josh smiled, all the places Tyler had taken him were amazing so this one was sure to be the same.

The two walked to the door which above held a sign reading ‘After Laughter’ in bold writing. Tyler held the door for Josh and he walked inside. Josh looked around at the room and smiled it was amazing, there were booths against most of the walls and bright lights illuminating the open space.

Tyler walked Josh over to a booth and they both took a seat,

“Welcome to After Laughter, what can I get you boys?” a perky orange haired girl asked walking over their booth with a skip in her step,

Josh looked at Tyler nervously, he had no clue what to get he hadn’t even looked at the menu,

“Trust me?” Tyler asked Josh and Josh nodded in reply, “We’ll both get the classic burger and fries and a milkshake to share please,”

“of course, what flavor?” she asked writing down on her note pad their order,

“Josh, how does chocolate sound?”

“Perfect,” Josh smiled shyly,

The two of them talked for a while before their meals came and they both dived in, each equally as hungry as the other. Josh realized half way through his first bite that he agreed with Tyler’s earlier statement, the fries here were amazing and the burger and milkshake were to die for, he would be coming back here again and hopefully, it would be with Tyler.

The two finished their meals. Tyler insisted he’s pay and Josh agreed saying that he’d pay next time. Josh didn’t mention the smile he saw Tyler give when he said, ‘next time.’ There would be a next time, Josh would make sure of it.

Tyler walked Josh outside taking his hand in his as the cold hit his skin. Instead of walking Josh to the car he began to head down the sidewalk.

“Where are we going?” Josh asked curiously,

“Just for a walk,” Tyler stated,

Josh continued to walk with Tyler, he didn’t mind it one bit, he’d happily do anything with Tyler.

“Thank you, Ty,” Josh smiled to Tyler as they walked,

“What for?” Tyler asked, Josh never had to thank him.

“Not giving up or running away,” Josh smiled shyly breaking their eye contact.

“Why would I ever do that?”

“You wouldn’t, others would. I mean I pushed you away from the start but you stuck around, I don’t know why, but thank you.” Josh said quietly to the ground watching his feet as they stepped between the cracks of the pavement. He wants to say so much more to Tyler, tell him thank you. Thank you for showing him he can be cared for, that it’s okay to feel, for deciding to stay even when he knew it wasn’t going to be easy, just thank you for everything.

Tyler smiled watching Josh avoid his stare. “It’s okay,”

Josh smiled once again to the ground and Tyler stopped walking as they neared a road. Josh stopped as well and looked up at Tyler, “also thank you for the date,”

“But Josh it’s not even over, don’t thank me yet, it could go terribly from now on,” Tyler laughed swinging his hands with Josh’s.

Josh laughed as well and leaned in kissing Tyler softly on the mouth. “I stand corrected the date just got better,” Tyler joked making Josh laugh.

The two walked back to the car and once there, Tyler sadly released Josh’s hand. As soon as he let go he missed the warmth if had provided. They entered the car and Josh instantly reached out for Tyler’s hand causing Tyler to smile widely at Josh.

Tyler managed to drive while holding Josh’s hand, it was a little tricky at first but he wasn’t letting go. They pulled up to their apartment building and sadly had to release hands again but instinctively re-joined them once side by side.

Opening the door to his apartment Tyler sighed and threw himself down on the couch. Josh laughed, “tired?”

“I shouldn’t be, we napped, I never nap,” Tyler laughed sitting up allowing room for Josh to sit with him.

“You never nap? How? I need to nap, it’s important,” Josh asked shocked sitting with Tyler,

“I don’t know, no time I guess,” Tyler stated swinging an arm over the couch and onto Josh’s shoulders,

“I’m surprised you didn’t pull the whole yawn and stretched just then,” Josh giggled,

“Wow, you think I’m that cheesy?” Tyler joked,

“Yes,” Josh smiled in reply,

“You’re not wrong,” Tyler smiled as well. The two stayed smiling at each other before Tyler leaned in again kissing Josh passionately. Josh allowed himself to be moved by the kiss and slowly his back was pushed down into the couch, Tyler above him.

Tyler pulled away staring down at Josh with an adoring smile. Josh blushed feeling half self-conscious. “You’re so cute,” Tyler smiled brushing a strand of Josh’s pink hair behind his ear. Josh blushed even more. Tyler looked at Josh as if in deep thought and then opened his mouth, “Josh, uh, will you, will you be my boyfriend?” Tyler asked biting his lip nervously.

Josh stared stunned for a few seconds before realizing he needed to answer. “I, uh, I, Ty, I, o- of course,”

Josh was shaking, he had a boyfriend, he was dating Tyler, Tyler and him, dating.

Tyler broke out in a massive smile, “You mean it? For real?”

“Yes,” Josh laughed nervously,

Tyler leaned down kissing Josh passionately again.

Tyler never wanted to stop kissing Josh. He wanted to kiss him forever. He hoped he could.

Chapter Text

A few weeks had passed since that night and Josh was asleep with his head in Tyler’s lap as he watched a re-run of friends. Everything had been going good between the two, they had seen each other every day -even if it was just at night when one would decide they missed the other can crawl into the other’s bed- things had been perfect.

Tyler stared at Josh lovingly as he stroked his hair. Over the course of the last month or so since meeting Josh, Tyler had fallen hard for the boy. He had learned so much about him as well. He learned about the way he would smile at the smallest of things, the way his eyes would light up when he would see Tyler, the way Josh would point out the stupidest things that made him happy. Tyler cared so much about him.

Josh moaned in his sleep quietly striking Tyler’s attention.

“No,” he mumbled scrunching his face up lightly.

Tyler began stroking Josh’s hair again softly. It wasn’t the first time Tyler had experienced one of Josh’s nightmares. He doesn’t have them often but he has had one or two minor incidents when with Tyler.

“Please,” Josh begged, his face twitching uncomfortably,

Tyler hated seeing Josh like that, he wanted to know what was going on Josh’s dreams and make it better but Josh wouldn’t tell him, he just kept saying they were random unrelated things. Tyler just wanted Josh to be happy.

Josh awoke with a jolt sitting up quickly, sucking in a sharp breath of air. Josh brought his hands up to his face and buried himself in them a sob escaping his lips.

Tyler moved closer to Josh encasing him in a tight hug. Josh grabbed tightly to Tyler’s chest and sobbed into him.

Neither of them said anything for a while with Josh’s sobbing stopping as he held tightly to Tyler as they stayed on the couch.

“Are you okay Josh?” Tyler asked,

Josh glanced up and with a small broken smile replied, “yeah,”

Tyler got more comfortable lying himself back and Josh snuggled closer into his chest. Tyler had tried not to notice the other small details about Josh that made him sad. He tried not to notice how some days Josh didn’t want to leave his apartment or talk to anyone, how some days Tyler would awake in the middle of the night and Josh would not have slept. Tyler was trying so hard to make sure he was happy.

Tyler continued to watch the show in quiet as Josh stared silently out the window. He remained silent for a while before shuffling and getting up. “I’m going to go uh, home now, I’ll talk to you tomorrow yeah?”

Tyler looked up quickly, confused as to why Josh decided to suddenly leave, “Why, are you going? You can stay here for the night if you’d like,”

“No, I, uh, I better go, I’ll catch you,” Josh said turning on his heels and heading to the door,

“Josh, wait,” Tyler called getting up and heading towards Josh placing his hand on the door so Josh couldn’t leave.

“Ty? What are you doing?” Josh questioned confused,

“What’s wrong?” Tyler asked slowly dropping his hand of the door,

“Nothing, I’m fine,” Josh said quietly,

“Talk to me,” Tyler asked grabbing Josh’s hand in his,

“Tyler, really, it’s nothing, I’ll just, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Josh lied placing a kiss on Tyler’s lips and leaving the apartment and a very confused Tyler.

Josh had never not once caved to Tyler since they started dating, anytime there had been an issue Josh would talk about it. Tyler furrowed his brow but went back to sit on the couch.

-

Tyler awoke sad that he was alone, it had been a few nights since he had slept without Josh. He rolled over and reached out for his phone, he had no messages.

To Josh: Good morning Joshie xx

Tyler pulled himself out of bed and into the kitchen where he grabbed a red bull. Most people thought it was weird that Tyler drank red bull for breakfast and to be honest it was, Josh didn’t mind it though.

Tyler was thinking about Josh again -as he usually did- and frowned. Something in the last few days had been a bit off and Tyler wanted to know what.

He checked his phone to see if Josh had replied and he hadn’t, which was strange because it was 11:30. So technically Tyler was drinking a brunch red bull, not a breakfast one.

Tyler finished his red bull and headed for the door, he wanted to see Josh. Tyler knocked on the door and there was no reply. He knocked again and still nothing.

He waited a little longer for a reply but no one came. Maybe Josh was just asleep. Tyler wriggled the door knob and the door opened, he stuck his head in listening to see if Josh was in fact inside. He frowned when he heard nothing, Josh wasn’t supposed to work today and he never leaves his door unlocked, maybe he was just asleep.

He probably shouldn’t go in but he did. He wants to say he did because he cares but really, he just needs to know that Josh is, in fact, okay, which I guess is caring.

Tyler walked into Josh’s apartment and glanced around before spotting Josh sitting with his back against the glass out on the balcony.

Tyler smiled closing the door and moving towards the glass. He knocked on the glass and Josh jumped slightly before looking up to Tyler with puffy red eyes and a broken smile.

Tyler furrowed his brow with concern before quickly opening the door and kneeling in front of Josh his hands on Josh’s knees. “Tyler? What are you doing here?”

“Well, I didn’t mean to be creepy and come into your house unwelcomed but, I missed you and I was worried as to where you were and the door was unlocked. I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Tyler laughed,

“Ty, you’re always welcome,” Josh smiled and Tyler leaned down to press a soft kiss to Josh's lips.

Josh smiled at Tyler and his eyes began to water. “I’m such a baby,” He frowned wiping his eyes before burying them in his knees.

“Josh, you’re not a baby, please tell me what’s going on, I want to make you feel better,” Tyler said lifting Josh’s head, it kills him to see Josh upset like this.

“I thought this would get better,” Josh frowned not meeting Tyler’s eyes,

“What would?” Tyler asked,

“Just everything,” Josh sighed, “I always blamed the fact that I was down all the time on the fact that I was lonely and I had no one in my life after Alex, but now I have you and it’s been the best month of my life yet, I still feel hopeless and have my bad days,”

“Josh, you can’t expect everything to change like that,” Tyler said sadly, “It’s not going to change overnight, you’ve just got to wait it out and I promise I will do everything I can to make sure you don’t have to wait that long. I will be there on every bad day, I promise. I’m here for you and I know you’re not going to be perfectly happy today or tomorrow but one day you will, one day you will look back on these bad days and be so glad that you’re okay,”

“How do you do that?” Josh chuckled wiping his eyes, “How do you make everything okay?”

“Pure talent,” Tyler laughed,

“Why do you stick around?” Josh asked, “All I do is be miserable and complain about my problems,”

“Josh, you’re not always miserable and you don’t always complain about your problems and even when you do I love making you feel better,”

Josh broke out into a smile and Tyler helped him off the ground and into his apartment. “Can we spend all day watching crappy tv shows and eating junk food?”

“There is nothing I would rather do my cute dear Joshua,” Tyler laughed planting a kiss on Josh’s head and sitting on the couch. Josh sat next to him a small blush on his cheeks. Tyler reached out and grabbed one of Josh’s cheeks, “It’s nice to know I can still make you blush,”

“You will always be able to make me blush,” Josh smiled,

“Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you ticklish?” Tyler asked with a smirk,

“Uh, no,” Josh lied,

Tyler leaned forward wrapping his arms around Josh before attacking his sides. “Tyler, stop!” Josh called out through laughter, “Stop!” Tyler pinned Josh down and started kissing him. The smile he had worked out of Josh was the most amazing thing Tyler had ever seen and he couldn’t help but kiss it.

They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment before kissing once again, then again and then one more time. They were both smiling crazily and Tyler couldn’t stop.

“Maybe we should get that junk food now?” Tyler suggested feeling they should probably get to what they were supposed to be doing,

“Yeah, if it means you’ll stop eating my face,” Josh joked.

“Well I see how it is then, no more kisses for you,” Tyler replied with a laugh.

“No, I’m sorry, forgive me,” Josh pleaded as Tyler got up off the couch and headed to the fridge.

“No, too late,” Tyler smiled deviously.

Tyler turned around and was met with Josh’s lips on his own, they kissed once again before pulling apart with a laugh, “I guess a few more kisses can’t hurt,”

“Yeah just a few more,”

Chapter Text

Josh watched as Tyler typed furiously at his keyboard, he had been doing so for the last half an hour. It was seven in the morning as the two were lying cuddled into each other, fingers tangled together tightly that Tyler had sprung up with an amazing idea for his novel.

Since then Josh had been watching Tyler closely with a small smile on his face. Oh, how things had changed since he first met that boy named blue.

When they first met Josh was so afraid of what could’ve been, he didn’t want things to be like Alex, he didn’t want to feel pressured or afraid. Now, he was so happy he had Tyler. Being in a relationship was nothing like he remembered and that thought alone brought a smile to Josh’s face.

Of course, Josh still wasn’t 100% happy with his life but he was 100% happy with Tyler.

Josh’s only other thoughts in that moment fell upon Alex. He hadn’t seen Alex since the coffee shop incident and he hoped he wouldn’t again. Tyler had been spending more time with Josh so even if he did run into him again Tyler would be able to help.

Alex was unpredictable. He could change himself within a second.

Josh sighed not wanting to waste another thought on Alex and rolled over burying his face in the bed. Tyler looked over from his small desk and laughed. “J, I need your help deciding something,”

“What is it?” Josh asked placing his head on its side so he wasn’t talking directly into the mattress,

“This character right –my main character– I’ve decided he needed to fall in love, so I kind of changed my whole story line, and I need your help. You see the guy is not going to give his love interest his actual name seeing as he’s a criminal and all. What sort of code name do you reckon he should have?” Tyler asked tapping away mindlessly at his chair.

“Blue,” Josh smiled,

“Blue.” Tyler repeated, “I like it,”

Tyler turned back around and continued to type while Josh decided he probably should take a shower. “Ty, I’m going to take a shower, is that okay?”

“Mi casa es su casa,” Tyler smiled and Josh headed for the bathroom with a laugh.

It wasn’t long before Josh was nice and warm under the stream of water. he loved how comfortable he felt around Tyler nowadays, he wasn’t the constant mess he was when they first met. He felt as if they had been friends for years.

Josh spent awhile getting clean before exiting the shower and pulling his clothes back on. He would get clean ones when he went back to his own apartment. It’s not like Tyler minded, all Josh was wearing anyway was a pair of sweatpants and a plain shirt.

Josh exited the bathroom running the towel over his hair the tiniest bit before heading back to Tyler’s room.

He walked over and threw himself on the bed before frowning at Tyler and reaching his arm towards him. Tyler laughed but then crinkled his forehead.

“Did you even dry off?” Tyler asked standing up from the desk,

“Yes,” Josh laughed,

“No, no you did not. Look at this, your shirt is clinging to your wet skin, that is disgusting,” Tyler frowned unpleased,

Josh laughed, “No way, my shirt is on me fine,”

“No,” Tyler stated waving his finger, “I need to fix this,”

“What are you doing?” Josh asked but it was too late. Tyler lifted the bottom of josh’s shirt and was pulling it off.

“You need to dry off,” Tyler laughed pushing Josh down playfully,

“Stop,” Josh laughed trying to wrestle Tyler back,

“No, come on,” Tyler complained as he struggled to lift Josh’s shirt high enough, “I haven’t seen your stomach since that time you opened the door with no shirt on,”

“Are you saying you only love me for my body?” Josh joked and Tyler gasped,

“Oh no you figured it out,” Tyler mocked hurt,

“How dare you Tyler Joseph,” Josh laughed finally able to flip them so Tyler was underneath, “I trusted you,”

Tyler was a fit of laughter and Josh couldn’t help but join in. “I have only been this close to you for about thirty seconds and I myself feel like I have a had a shower,” Tyler smirked, “That is a sign that you have not dried off properly,”

“Shuttup,” Josh laughed leaning down and kissing Tyler on the lips.

Tyler pulled away and Josh furrowed his brow. “No more kisses unless you take your shirt off,” Tyler smirked deviously

“Fine,” Josh laughed sitting up away from Tyler, “I guess you’ll never get anymore kisses then,”

Tyler frowned before smirking again, “Fine,”

The two sat their Mexican standoff style before Josh sighed, “Damn you, Tyler Joseph,” and started to take off his shirt.

In front of anyone else Josh would’ve been incredibly uncomfortable, with Tyler though, he felt okay. He was still worried of course, what if Tyler thought he was ugly? But then again, he had seen him shirtless before.

Tyler smiled widely and watched as Josh removed his shirt.

“You have such a beautiful tattoo,” Tyler smiled being able to see it all, “I love it,”

Josh smiled too. “Thanks, Ty. Now, do I get my kisses?”

“Of course,” Tyler smiled pushing Josh down and kissing him.

Josh pushed Tyler off as their kiss got deeper, “how about you make this a little more even. You’ve seen me shirtless twice, I’ve never seen you shirtless, what do you reckon?”

Tyler faltered, “Uh, Oh,” he looked panicked and Josh furrowed his brow.

“Ty?” Josh sat up and placed a warm hand on Tyler’s cheek.

“No, uh, I’m fine,” Tyler said and Josh frowned. Tyler had never been panicked like this, he was always confident and straightforward. This was different.

“You don’t have to take your shirt off if you don’t want to,” Josh said softly, maybe Tyler felt like Josh had. Josh didn’t want to make Tyler uncomfortable.

“No, Josh it’s not really that,” Tyler said as he stared deep in thought at the bed.

“What is it?”

“when I was younger -in about my late teens- I struggled, like you do, with depression and I had some really bad days. Some bad, bad days. And if you look at my shirtless figure there is some very clear evidence of those bad days. It’s just, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I don’t enjoy talking about it, but I guess it’s okay cause I got better ya know and they’re supposed to be battle scars or whatever. I just, sometimes I don’t like the fact that they are there.” Tyler frowned and Josh instantly welcomed him into a hug pressing Tyler into his chest for once and not the other way around. Josh would’ve never have guessed Tyler to have felt this way. I guess it’s true what they say about how you can never tell what people have been through.

Josh didn’t know what to say. Tyler always knew exactly what to say when Josh was down, Josh, on the other hand, hadn’t a clue.

“They make me feel ugly,” Tyler said softly into Josh’s chest and Josh pulled him away to stare into his eyes.

“Tyler Joseph, you are anything but ugly,” Josh said firmly watching the boy’s lips form a slight upwards curve, even though his eyes told Josh he was still sad.

Josh’s thighs itched. Should he? Should he tell Tyler the things he had done. He knew the boy would not judge him, but the situation was different.

Josh was dealing with this currently. Tyler had already dealt with this. Josh trusted Tyler, he would show him.

Josh reached down and fumbled with the tie on his pants shaking slightly. Tyler looked at him confused and Josh smiled in reassurance.

Josh pulled his pants down to his knees and pulled his shirt onto his lap slightly to cover himself a bit. He could see the few lines that littered his thighs and slowly looked up to see Tyler.

Tyler reached out a small frown on his lips and touched Josh’s leg. Neither of them knew what to say. But before either of them could Tyler removed his shirt and Josh was able to see the many lines that littered his stomach, some faded some more prominent.

There was silence between the two. But it was a comfortable silence.

Tyler smiled at Josh. “it’ll be okay,”

“Yeah, I know it will,” Josh smiled, “I have you,”

Chapter Text

Josh straightened out his clothing and took a deep breath. Tonight, was Brendon and Dallon’s ‘bromance’ party and he would prefer to have stayed in bed, but Tyler was coming and he would go anywhere if it meant he could be with him.

Josh had changed three times and still was unhappy with the way he looked in the mirror. He sighed and headed out of the bathroom. This was as good as it was going to get. Josh had decided to wear his black skinny jeans with ripped knees with a gray shirt and his heavy black jacket.

Josh heard the front door open and smiled knowing Tyler had let himself in. He headed to the front of his apartment and watched as Tyler broke out in a wide smile. Josh furrowed his brow “What?”

“You always look so good,” Tyler smiled capturing Josh in a casual hug,

Josh smiled into Tyler’s shoulder and replied, “not as good as you,”

Tyler pulled away and smiled at Josh with a small blush, “You ready?”

“Yeah, let me just grab my phone,”

Josh wandered off to grab his phone before returning to Tyler who was looking amazing in his floral kimono which Josh loves. “Let’s go,”

-

Tyler and Josh pulled up to Brendon and Sarah’s house and Josh nervously began bouncing his leg.

Tyler placed his hand reassuringly on Josh's knee and Josh slowly stopped bouncing with a small smile glancing quickly at Tyler. “You ready to go inside?”

“Yeah, let’s go,” Josh said sheepishly before exiting the car. The two walked to the front door and Tyler knocked loudly as he could hear the music coming from inside.

A few seconds passed before the door was opened to a very excited Brendon Urie was standing before the two. “JOSH!” he shouted throwing his arms around Josh who jumped just slightly before hugging Brendon back.

Brendon pulled away and looked to Josh’s right. “Is this Tyler?” he asked enthusiastically,

“Yeah, uh, Tyler meet Brendon, Brendon meet my uh, meet my boyfriend Tyler,” Josh said, he’s still not used to calling Tyler his boyfriend.

“Hey, nice to meet you,” Tyler smiled extending his hand before Brendon enclosed him in a hug earning a surprised hoof out of Tyler.

“Nice to meet you too man,” Brendon replied releasing Tyler, “Come inside,”

The two followed Brendon inside where they were met with a bunch of people stuffed together in the main room and out into the yard. Josh took a deep breath trying to welcome the idea of being around this many people at once in this kind of environment before seeing Dallon and Debby.

Tyler poked Josh and pointed towards Dallon and Debby before walking towards them, Tyler following closely behind.

“Debby,” Josh called as the blonde turned around with a smile.

“Josh! Tyler!” She cheered throwing her arms around the two simultaneously.

Dallon turned around and smiled as well seeing Josh, it had been awhile since the two had seen each other. “Josh my man!” Dallon threw his arm around Josh and patted him on the back. “Is this your new boyfriend I’ve been hearing about?”

“Uh, yeah, Dallon this is Tyler, Tyler Dallon,”

“Nice to meet you,” Tyler once again politely stated extending his arm which this time was shaken.

“Same to you,”

The four stood around away from the center of the party a drink placed in each of their hands at one stage by Brendon. Josh was having a good time, he missed hanging out with his friends like this. It was all sort of ruined after Alex.

“Josh,” Debby said as Tyler and Dallon got into a chat about music,

“Yeah, Debs,”

“I’m so happy you have Tyler, I can see how happy he makes you,” Debby smiled warmly,

“I’m happy to have him too,” Josh replied staring softly at Tyler, he was so happy.

Josh had another drink along with Debby and offered one to Tyler, “No I better not,” Tyler laughed, “I better be the one to drive us home,”

Josh smiled and gave the drink to Dallon instead. Josh didn’t drive often, it was a rare occurrence. He had picked up the habit heavily after Alex but had since stopped nearly completely except for the odd party here and then which he had to attend.

Josh and Tyler left Debby and Dallon after a while and headed outside. “he has such a nice house,” Tyler remarked,

“Yeah, he really does,” Josh replied,

Tyler interlaced their hands as they walked and Josh moved closer to Tyler’s side. He felt safe with Tyler. The two sat on a small swing chair situated at the edge of the party area. They swung happily watching the crowd around them. “Thanks for inviting me to come with you,” Tyler said,

“I wouldn’t’ve come if you weren’t coming,” Josh laughed truthfully,

Tyler smiled tightening his grip on Josh’s hand before leaning his head on Josh ‘s shoulder. Josh could clearly smell the brown eyed boy’s cologne and smiled warmly. It reminded him of safety, it reminded him of feeling at home, it reminded him of every good thing that had happened to him, it was Tyler. Josh never wanted to leave the beautiful boy to his left, he wanted to hold his hand forever and never let go.

And in that moment Josh wanted to show Tyler he never would let go. He wanted to show Tyler just how much he meant to him and maybe it was the alcohol talking but Josh looked over at Tyler and knew he shouldn’t be scared.

“I love you,”

Tyler’s head shot up and stared startled into Josh’s eyes before breaking out into the widest smile Josh had ever seen.

“I love you too Joshua Dun,”

Josh leaned in and kissed Tyler. Everything was okay with this boy. With him everything was easy. He didn’t have to have a care in the world. It didn’t matter if average coupled didn’t say that so early into a relationship, this was Josh and Tyler’s relationship and they were doing things their way.

They made out on the swing for a while giddy with adoration for each other before heading back inside to find their friends, the taste of Tyler’s soft lips lingering on Josh’s mouth.

The night continued, Tyler and Josh showing their affection for each other quite publicly without a care in the world and Josh drinking more and more.

Josh was laughing at dumb joke Debby had said when Brendon came back in the front door two bags of ice hanging off his arms, “some help would be appreciated,”

Tyler walked over taking one bag off the slightly drunk Brendon and helping him take them out back. Josh finished his drink unable to remember how many he had had before deciding to grab another.

He walked uncoordinatedly towards the closest drink station pouring himself another beer. He took a mouthful before being greeted by a familiar face. He couldn’t really remember everything clearly after that. He remembered chatting with this person and then following them upstairs. He remembers they wanted to show him something, he doesn’t remember processing the reality of the situation.

He remembers the stairs and struggling to climb them. He remembers the familiar face laugh and help him up. He remembers the same person opening the door. He remembers them pushing him against the door. He remembers their lips on his. He remembers his confusion. He remembers their hands under his shirt. He remembers his efforts. He remembers weakly fighting back. He remembers his whimper of no.

He doesn’t remember how much time he was there. He doesn’t remember why they were kissing him. He doesn’t remember thinking about Tyler. He doesn’t remember their words of encouragement. But he does remember kicking them firmly in the dick and their curses of rage.

He remembers running. He remembers running out of the room and dangerously down the stairs. He remembers throwing himself out the front door and throwing up in the closest bush he could find. He remembers not being able to breathe. He remembers his whole world crashing down around him. He remembers remembering Tyler and crying till there was nothing left in his eyes. He remembers feeling utterly broken once again.

Josh never had good luck.

Nothing would ever change.

Chapter Text

Josh took a few deep breaths trying to hide the fact he was still crying and shaking badly. He couldn’t tell Tyler. No way.

He snuck back into the house feeling more sober after throwing up two or three times and up the stairs making sure Tyler didn’t see him. He locked himself in the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

His face was a mess. His eyes were puffy and red and his hair was a sticking out everywhere. He had a mark down the front of his shirt which he presumed was vomit and his hands were a shaking terribly.

“Shit,” Josh sighed trying to process everything. It still hadn’t hit him properly.

He gathered up some paper towel and wiped his eyes thinking of every possible thing except for the event of that night. He threw some water on his shirt to wash off the vomit and flattened his hair out best he could.

He spent about twenty minutes in the bathroom and when he was done he knew what he was going to do. He headed downstairs in search of Tyler who was probably worried sick and spotted him looking panicked over near Dallon.

“Tyler,” Josh called weakly and Tyler spun around faster than the speed of sound.

“Josh,” he breathed out relieved, he ran forward and threw his arms around Josh who only flinched lightly, “where were you I looked everywhere? I was so worried,”

“I got kind of sick,” Josh replied, “threw up a couple of times, took a breather and then went and cleaned myself up, sorry for worrying you,”

“No, that’s fine as long as you’re okay,” Tyler smiled pulling out of the hug. “Do you want to go home, it’s getting late,”

“Yeah,” Josh said back happy he could finally leave for the safety of his own bed.

No one could hurt him there.

-

Josh stayed silent the whole drive back home and Tyler blamed it on the alcohol. But honestly, Josh waging a war in his mind. He had screwed up so bad. He had practically cheated on Tyler. Tyler would never forgive him. He needed Tyler. He could never tell Tyler. Never ever.

-

Tyler unlocked the door of his apartment and opened it for Josh.

“Uh, if it’s okay with you I think I might just have a shower and then go to my own bed,” Josh said nervously.

“Oh.” He paused, “Yeah sure. Are you sure you’ll be okay though? I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Tyler replied worriedly.

“I’ll be fine Tyler, you worry too much,” Josh laughed knowing he would not be fine at all.

“I love you, call me if you need me,” Tyler said with a smile worry evident on his face.

“Will do, love you too,” Josh turned and walked to his own door, leaving Tyler confused, worried and without a goodnight kiss. Josh didn’t want to kiss Tyler. His lips weren’t worthy of Tyler’s anymore.

-

Josh showered before throwing himself into his bed wrapping himself tightly in the blankets, the feeling of safety needed more than ever.

He was so stupid.

He began to cry and eventually, his gentle tears turned into a full blown panic attack which covered his whole body with trembles.

Josh struggled to breathe wishing he had never left the house today. He never went to parties and this was why. He should have never gone. It was all his fault.

He needed Tyler. He needed him more than ever but he couldn’t go to him. He just couldn’t.

If Tyler knew he would be so disappointed. He would leave Josh. Josh would never be happy again.

Josh tried for a long time to calm himself down finally in a thinkable state before hearing his phone ping to his left. He reached out with shaky hands and wiped his eyes to see the screen.

From Tyler: Goodnight Josh, I love you, I’m here if you need me xx

Josh needed Tyler. He didn’t have to tell Tyler what happened. He could always lie. He just needed Tyler.

Josh hit the call button and within seconds Tyler was on the other end of the phone.

“Josh? You never call? Are you okay?” Tyler asked quickly, he had known something was up,

“I- I, I need you,” Josh said desperately, how had he survived without Tyler?

“I’m coming, just hold on,” Tyler replied clearly panicked and worried,

Josh heard the front door open and Tyler call out for him. “Ty,” Josh called back brokenly and Tyler burst into the room his face flushed with worry.

He rushed to the bed and carefully placed one hand on Josh’s cheek.

“You’re okay, it’s okay,” Tyler said taking deep breaths himself, before calmly asking “can I join you?”

“Please,” Josh whispered and Tyler climbed into the bed next to Josh wrapping them into a small cocoon like Josh had himself. He placed his arms firmly around Josh and pulled his head down into Tyler's chest.

Josh felt safe. He was still crying hysterically, but his breathing was a lot more even now he was with Tyler.

Tyler ran his hands through Josh’s hair and whispered into it “what happened?”

“Nothing, it’s okay,” Josh whispered back ducking his head further into Tyler’s chest. He couldn’t tell him.

“Josh, please,” Tyler begged before tightening his grip on the still crying boy he loved dearly.

“It’s just, it’s just being at the party, the alcohol, everything, it just, it, it got to me, I’m sorry, I- I'm so sorry,” Josh replied his heart feeling heavy filled with all the guilt of lying to Tyler, all the guilt of what he had done.

“You’d tell me if anything bad happened, right?” Tyler asked. Josh could tell he was still worried about him,

“I would, I promise,” Josh lied, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence.

Tyler accepted that and continued to run his hands through Josh’s hair. “Goodnight Josh,”

“Goodnight Ty.”

-

When Tyler awoke he was alone.

He looked around the room to find it empty of any sign of Josh and slowly he began to worry. Josh had been off last night and maybe it was just the alcohol but Tyler wasn’t sure.

Tyler got out of bed and headed down the hall checking the kitchen and living room. There was no sign of Josh. Tyler turned around and headed towards the bathroom. He noticed the door was closed and knocked.

“Josh? You in there?”

“Yeah,” Josh called silently back,

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be out soon,”

“Okay,”

Tyler headed back to Josh’s bedroom and Josh’s phone pinged. Tyler leaned over to see who the message was from and the contents of the message caught his eye.

From Debby: Dallon told me he saw you talking to Alex so I understand why you left the party without saying goodbye. Don’t even try to apologize to me like normal I can imagine you were upset from seeing him again, call me if you need xx

Alex.

Chapter Text

Josh sat on the edge of the bathtub.

When he had awoken this morning, his skin had felt disgusting, he had felt disgusting, he needed the feeling to be gone.

His hands were shaking again.

Tyler had come and knocked on the door a few minutes ago and Josh lied again. He was not okay.

He had been holding the blade between his fingers for half an hour now and he didn’t know what to do.

He hadn’t hurt himself since Tyler had come into his life. He didn’t want to disappoint the boy. He was fighting for the boy. He didn’t want to be weak.

There was another knock on the door and Josh jumped dropping the blade onto the floor.

“Josh? Can I come in?” Tyler asked as Josh quickly picked up the blade placing it on the countertop.

“Yeah,” Josh said unlocking the door and sitting back down.

Tyler opened the door slowly before laying his eyes carefully on Josh. he looked around spotting the blade on the countertop.

“Josh?” Tyler moved forward kneeling in front of the boy. “What’d you do?”

“Nothing, Tyler I didn’t, I didn’t do anything, I promise,” Josh replied quickly.

Tyler let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in and pulled Josh into a hug. “I love you,”

“I love you too,” Josh replied sadly.

“Josh, was Alex at the party last night?” Tyler asked carefully as he finished hugging Josh.

All the pieces pulled themselves together in Josh’s mind and he zoned out from reality. It was Alex. Of course. It wasn’t just some stranger. Why hadn’t he been able to remember the face?

It was Alex.

This was worse than before.

He is going to come back again. Alex is going to tell Tyler. Josh couldn’t think straight, so much information was rushing around in his brain and he had completely zoned out to what Tyler was saying.

“Josh? Josh? Hey, Josh, talk to me,” Tyler shook Josh and he finally snapped back to Tyler.

“Ty, I’m so sorry,” Josh sobbed burying his head into Tyler’s shoulder who wrapped his hands around Josh’s back.

“Josh, hey, it’s okay, talk to me, what’s wrong? What are you sorry for?” Tyler asked he just wanted his Josh to be okay, he hated to see the boy hurt.

“I, I can’t tell you. I can’t lose you,” Josh sobbed tightening his grip as if Tyler was his lifeline.

Tyler pulled Josh off him keeping a firm grip on the boy’s sides. “You could never lose me,”

Josh’s eyes stared directly into Tyler’s as the tears flowed freely from them.

“I promise, Josh, I will never leave you,” Tyler frowned Josh was so broken. “I need you, just like you need me,”

“Tyler, I, I” Josh started but the words were lost in a choked-out sob.

Tyler wrapped his arms around Josh again rubbing his back, “It’s okay, take your time,”

Josh pulled out of the hug taking a shaky breath, Tyler could see how hard he was trying to tell him.

“At, at the party, I ran into Alex. I was so drunk, I, I talked to him, I don’t remember all of it, I don’t, I don’t remember how, but I, I went upstairs with him. He, he kissed me I, I tried to push him off, I promise Tyler I did, I didn’t want him to, I, I pushed him away you must believe me, but, he, he wouldn’t stop, his hands were, they were under my shirt. He wouldn’t stop, but I, I kneed him in the groin and I, I ran and I promise I didn’t want it, please, I love you, I, I wouldn’t do that Tyler, I, please don’t leave me,” Josh was sobbing, he was going to lose Tyler, Tyler would never love him again.

Tyler didn’t say anything for what Josh thought felt like an eternity before wrapping his arms tightly around the boy again. “You did nothing wrong, Josh,” Tyler was crying.

Josh pulled away from the hug so he could see Tyler’s face, “why are you crying, please, Tyler, I promise I pushed him away, I didn’t want him to do it, please believe me,” Josh was a mess.

“Josh, I believe you, there was never a doubt in my mind. That’s not why I’m crying, I’m crying because you are so beautiful and kind and I hate that these things happen to you, I’m crying because I hate to see you sad, I hate to see you in pain,” Tyler said placing a soft hand on Josh’s cheek.

Josh leaned into the touch before leaning his forehead on Tyler’s. they stayed in a comfortable silence, nothing needed to be said but after a minute or so Tyler asked, “Is that why you didn’t kiss me?”

“Yes. I didn’t deserve your kisses,” Josh stated sadly.

Tyler leaned in planting his lips on Josh slowly and carefully. He never wanted Josh to be afraid of him, he wanted Josh to feel safe with him. He pulled away holding Josh tightly. “was that okay?”

“More than okay,” Josh replied he was smiling. He didn’t lose Tyler. Tyler loves him. Tyler would never leave him.

“You’re always safe when you’re with me. I promise. Please know you’re safe with me,”

“You don’t have to tell me, Ty. You make me feel safer than I ever have in my whole life.”

Tyler was Josh’s safety line. When he went too far out of line and began to fall Tyler was always there to save him.

Chapter Text

Josh spent the rest of the day curled up in bed. Tyler stayed by his side arms wrapped tightly around his precious boy as they watched comedies on Netflix. Tyler just wanted to see Josh smile again. He loved Josh’s smile.

Tyler had plotted his attack against Alex thirty different ways in his mind. He wanted to hurt him for hurting Josh, for making Josh feel this way, for everything he had ever done to that boy. But he wasn’t going to because it would only make things worse and right now he needed to be with Josh.

Tyler knows for most people that a kiss from someone while drunk wouldn’t seem like a big deal but, Tyler knows this was terrible for Josh. It was itching at him, it was consuming all his thoughts. Tyler just wished he could make him forget.

He tightened his grip on the boy tucking Josh’s head closer to his neck. Josh chuckled at part of the movie and Tyler broke into a smile rubbing his hand up and down Josh’s back.

After a while, the movie ended and Josh tiredly yawned. “Hey, Ty?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we get something to eat?”

“Of course, what do you want?” Tyler asked combing his fingers through Josh’s hair.

“Coffee and cake?”

“Anything for you,”

The two got ready and headed out to the Mania café. Upon arrival, they were greeted by the two friendly faces of Pete and Patrick.

They shot them a wave and Patrick and Pete prepared the coffee Josh and Tyler always ordered “Two of your best cakes as well,” Tyler called as the two took a seat near the window.

Tyler smiled warmly looking into Josh’s eyes who then giggled and blushed.

“Josh, why are you so pretty?” Tyler asked with a smile,

Josh blushed even more and chuckled. “I think the real question is what did I do to deserve you?”

“Josh, you deserve the world,” Tyler smiled placing his hand on Josh’s who turned it so their fingers were intertwined.

They stayed in silence for a second as Josh stared out the window deep in thought. “I want to quit my job,” Josh said timidly.

“At the music shop?”

“Yes,” Josh replied looking back to Tyler who had a furrowed brow, he thought Josh liked the music shop.

“Any reason?”

“I want to start removing the things from my life that make me unhappy,” Josh simply stated looking away from Tyler sheepishly like he had said the most stupid thing in the world.

“Your job makes you unhappy?”

“Yes,” Josh sighed, “My boss hates me and I thought by now I would be doing something meaningful with my life, I mean I’m 23,”

“Then you do that Josh, don’t let anything hold you back,” Tyler smiled earning a smile in return from Josh, he was glad Tyler understood what he was saying. “What is it you want to do with your life?”

“I want to play drums,” Josh said ducking his head again.

“You play drums?” Tyler asked, Josh never talked about drumming.

“Yeah, often actually I have a small electronic set hidden in the spare bedroom of my apartment. I never talk about them cause, well, I don’t know, I always thought it was kind of embarrassing, I don’t know why,” Josh frowned, “I’m not even that good. Maybe I should just keep my job at the shop,”

“No, Josh, don’t give up. Will you play for me?” Tyler asked carefully.

“Of course,” Josh grinned as Pete walked over with their drinks and cake.

The two held a normal conversation with each other while drink and eating and eventually they fell silent.

Josh’s phone vibrated and he read the message before placing his phone back on the table with a small frown.

“Ty, can we just forget about the whole Alex thing, I just want to remove him from my life like I thought I had, I don’t want to dwell on the past,” Josh said taking the last mouthful of his drink.

“Whatever you want Josh, I’d do anything for you,” Tyler smiled, it seemed like Josh was really starting to want to change and knowing just how to do it.

Tyler would be there for him every step of the way.

Chapter Text

The first week of Josh’s ‘life change’ went well. He started trying new things with Tyler like bowling and cinema trips, he ate healthier and he focused on the present more than the past. Tyler was so proud. Josh was so happy.

Then one day he wasn’t.

He woke up alone and felt numb and emotionless. Tyler had spent the night writing to meet a deadline for one of his publishers who wanted to read what Tyler had completed so far so he was currently passed out over his desk in his apartment. Josh knew that’s where Tyler was but he just didn’t want to get up, he didn’t want to grab his phone, he didn’t want to do anything. So, he didn’t.

Josh rolled over and pulled the blankets on him tighter. He was supposed to get up and go for a run but he decided against it. Running wouldn’t help him look any better. As if changing his life was going to fix him. He’s too broken to be fixed and everyone knows what to do when something is broken past repair.

-

Tyler awoke his back sore from his awkward position on his desk. His heart rate picked up realizing he hadn’t finished writing the part he needed finished. He quickly turned his computer back on and read the last part he had written before he had fallen asleep. His fingers moved quickly over the keys trying to remember everything he had planned to write. As he wrote his eyes fell to the clock and realized he had fifteen minutes to finish the chapter and send it to his publisher.

“Shit” he mumbled.

His fingers moved faster than before and eventually he finished the chapter, quickly proofread and then emailed the finished chapters away. Tyler had made the deadline but he knew he could’ve written the last part much better if only he had stayed awake last night. He was pissed.

He checked his phone with a heavy sigh and didn’t find his morning message from Josh that he usually got when they didn’t spend the night together. He furrowed his eyebrows and decided to see if maybe the boy had just slept through his alarm.

He dragged himself from the desk and out the front door in just his sweat pants and black shirt.

He let himself into Josh’s apartment as it was unlocked and headed to Josh’s bedroom. “Josh?” he called into the darkness of the bedroom,

There was a mumbled reply from underneath the covers and Tyler turned on the dim lamp next to the bed. Josh was wrapped tightly in the blankets and Tyler sighed.

“No run this morning?”

“No,” Josh replied,

“Why not?” Tyler asked maybe he had just slept in,

“Who are you, my personal trainer?” Josh muttered, Tyler furrowed his eyebrows this was unlike Josh,

“No, I’m your boyfriend,”

Josh went silent and rolled over. “Josh? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,”

“Are you sure?” Tyler asked sitting on the edge of the bed,

“Tyler do you not trust me, I said I’m fine,” Josh spat. Tyler was taken aback, Josh had never been like this before.

“Josh, tal-“

“Stop, Tyler, stop acting like you can fix me, it’s not going to work, you should just leave,” Josh spat sitting up to face Tyler. His face looked like one made with anger and Tyler missed the way his eyes would squint softly.

Tyler didn’t say anything for a second and Josh stared at the bed his softness not returning.

“Josh, it’s okay”

“Stop telling me it’s okay! It’s not, it never will be, it has never been and just because you’re here doesn’t mean it’s automatically gonna be!” Josh spat again and Tyler stood up. “I’ve always been this way and you think you’re helping but you’re not.”

Tyler had had enough, this day was a mess, he just wanted to go home.

“Well, if that’s how you feel then I definitely cannot help you,” Tyler spat back,

“See that’s the problem, you’re always trying to help me. Just stop. I don’t want your help,”

“Josh, I- “

“All this bad stuff that has happened to me in last month or so, I blamed it on myself cause I’m unlucky, but maybe it was just all your fault,” Josh interrupted,

“My fault? Why don’t I make your life better then and leave,” Tyler replied before leaving, slamming the door on his way out.

Josh sat on the bed staring at the wall blankly. He didn't feel empty anymore instead he felt guilt, pain, and sadness. He knew he was going to fuck up. He knew sooner or later it would happen. He knew he wasn’t good enough for Tyler.

Tyler stormed back into his apartment madly kicking the door as he shut it. He angrily released a breath and sobbed into himself.

How could Josh say that? How could Josh just give up on himself, give up on Tyler? After everything how could he do that? Tyler gave him everything he could, why didn’t Josh see that? How was any of it Tyler’s fault? He hadn’t made Alex do anything, he had protected Josh. He thought he had helped him.

Maybe it was Tyler’s fault. Maybe he should just leave Josh to be on his own, it was obvious what he wanted.