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Chapter Text

In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories. *dun dun*
              *                  *                   *
It had been a slow day for the squad. Two days prior, they wrapped up a case and had a little vacation. Everyone was back now, with the usual hellos and coffee in the morning and pizza in the afternoon. Fin was showing pictures of the recent ultrasounds of his future grandchild. 

"Yeah, my son found a surrogate mother. Now I get to join the baby club," Fin said proudly.

"I like to see you handle a kid again," Rollins joked.

"I love kids, congratulations, Fin," Sonny smiled.

"You should start your babysitting service then," Olivia said.

A girl with blond hair and yesterday's make up walked in, looking scared and confused. She looked to the smiling detectives then turned around. Benson noticed and approached the blond cautiously. 

"Hi, I'm Lieutenant Benson. Can I help you with anything?" Olivia said in a calming voice.

The blond sighed and nodded, 'yes.'

"I-I think I was... raped?" the blond said, tears forming in her eyes.

"Okay, we're here to help. Why don't you come with us and tell me everything, okay?"

"Liv-"

"Rollins, come with me. This is detective Rollins. We're going to help, okay?"

"Okay," the blond said.

Olivia and Rollins escorted the blond to another room and sat down at the round table.

"All right, why don't you tell us your name?" Olivia said.

"Dolores, but my friends call me Dolly," the blond said. 

"All right, Dolly, why don't you tell us what happened. Make sure to tell us everything. We want to make this accurate as possible for the report, okay?"

"Well," Dolly started, "I was at a bar, and I met this guy. He was buying me drinks, and I felt fuzzy. I wanted to go home. I got in his car. I thought he was taking me home, but we went to his place instead. Once I realized we were at his apartment, I said I wanted to go home. He pushed me into his apartment, pinned me to the floor, and... and..." the blond trailed off.

"Okay, can you give me a description of the man or his name?" Rollins asked.

"He said they call him 'Anthony Dream'. He was tall, had light tan skin, green eyes, and a scar on his lip. The lights messed up the rest-"

"Okay, thank you, anything else you can tell us?" Benson asked.

"I... I was using google maps to help him get to my place. I have his address. It's been three days. I didn't know if it counts because I kissed him at the bar-"

"It does. If you said no, it counts," Olivia reassured Dolly.

Dolly started crying. Rollins handed her a box of tissues and turned to Olivia.

"Okay, Rollins is going to take you to the hospital for a rape kit. I'll go and get this guy," Olivia said.

"Thank you," Dolly cried.
 
 
"So, the blond had his address? This is too easy," Fin said.

"Yeah, well, don't jinx it," Olivia said.
 
You had been cleaning all morning. You lived in a cheap apartment with your boyfriend. Well, you wouldn't say 'lived.' You slept here every so often, and when you couldn't, you just stayed out partying. It wasn't the ideal choice, but better than sleeping on the streets. This morning was rough. You accidentally dropped a carton of orange juice and your punishment, bruised arm, cigarette burns, and spending the day cleaning while he was away. It seemed fair, considering it was a brand-new carton. You had 'Sweet Escape' playing, and you sang along to it while washing dishes. 

As the music and singing blasted, Benson and Fin knocked on the door. You quickly turned off the music and stopped the water. The knocking got louder. You rushed to the door shaking the water off your hands.  

"I'm so sorry! I was- Hello," you answered the door, shocked to see the detectives. 

"Hi, I'm Lieutenant Benson. This is detective Tutuolia. Do you have a minute?" Olivia asked.

"Oh! Of course, pardon me, I was cleaning! I'm such a mess," you said, inviting the detectives.

"It looks nice," Olivia smiled.

"Thank you! Where are my manors? Tea? Water? Vodka, anyone?" You offered.

"No, thank you. Is Anthony home?" Olivia asked.

"Anthony? Oh, Tony! No, he's out! Can I help you with anything?" You asked.

Fin noticed your arm and burns and turned to you.

"Are you okay?" Fin asked.

"Oh! I- I'm super clumsy! I spilled a new carton of juice this morning," you said, holding your arm.

"And the burns?" Fin continued to ask.

"Clumsy! I can leave a message for Anthony. I don't think-" 

"What's your name?" Olivia asked.

"Y/n... Anthony calls me birdy-" 

"Why is that?" Fin asked.

"I won't shut up my tweeting! Are you sure no drinks?" You offered again, heading towards the cupboard, reaching for a cup.

"Y/n, Anthony has been accused of rape," Olivia said with a sigh.

You dropped the cup in your hand. The glass shattered, your heart sank.

"I know this is hard, but we need you to cooperate-"

"It couldn't be him! He's my boyfriend! He's loyal- he makes sure I'm loyal! I-"

"Was he with you three days ago?" Olivia asked.

"It- it can't be him! He came home in the afternoon and asked: 'what are you doing here?' And I was cleaning his room. You know, doing something nice for him-"

"What about at night?" Olivia asked.

"Night? I don't know. I was out having a few drinks, and he texts me 'don't come home' so I stay out going to different clubs-"

"Why didn't you go to your apartment?" Fin asked.

"I don't have a place to stay... it's a lie. Right? He couldn't get in trouble! He keeps everything a secret-"

"Keep what a secret?" Oliva asked.

"I- I shouldn't be talking to you. The glass! He's going to be so upset!" 

"Y/n, did he do that to you?" Oliva asked, holding your arm.

"You- you need to leave! I'm sorry," you said, starting to pick up the glass.

"Okay, if he ever does anything, or he says anything, you give me a call," Olivia said, handing you a card.

You couldn't believe it. You just couldn't. You dropped to the floor to pick up the glass. Fin watched and tilted his head as you let the shards slit your hands. Olivia realized you weren't going to take the card. She sighed and placed it on the counter. 

"We'll let ourselves out," Olivia said.

You picked up the last bits of glass and threw them away. You were in shock. How could Tony- no, it must be a lie! He would never hurt anyone! Besides you. So it must be a lie. It had to be.
 
"Any luck?" Rollins asked.

"Anthony wasn't there, but the girlfriend was," Olivia answered.

"Girlfriend?"

"Y/n, he calls her birdy. He seems abusive. There were marks and burns on her arm," Olivia explained.

"Why didn't she tell anyone?" Sonny asked.

"She said it was her fault. She was 'clumsy'," Fin said.

"It doesn't seem she would report anything. She's loyal and scared," Olivia said.

"Well, we don't need her. We have another report in," Sonny said.

"Another one?" Olivia asked.

"Rosie Delivant, she says she and Anthony are dating, and he went further than she wanted," Sonny said.

"When was this?" Olivia asked. 

"Two nights ago, she didn't know if it counted. She says they have been dating for a month, and she was going to break up with him," Sonny continued.

"Did she get a kit?" Olivia asked.

"I took her earlier," Rollins said.

"Okay, we have two victims. This guy is going away for a while."

"Yeah, if we could find him," Fin said.

Barba walked in with his serious expression as usual and sighed as he put down his briefcase. 

"So, we have two victims?" Barba asked.

"Yes, and they both claim to have met this guy at a bar," Sonny said. 

"Fin and I will go to the bar and ask around," Rollins said.

"He wasn't at home?" Barba asked.

"No, Fin and I stopped by his girlfriend was there. I think he beats her, " Olivia said.

"Have any injuries?" Barba asked.

"A bruise and cigarette burns on her arm." 

"And she didn't report?" 

"No, she says it was an accident."

"Of course. If she becomes his next victim, make sure she reports."

"I gave her my card."

"All right, but with this vic though, not only was it Anthony, another guy too," Sonny said.

"Let's go get him," Olivia said.
                 *            *               *
You finally finished cleaning and hid the card the detective gave you in your wallet. The rattling of keys and door opening startled you. A man with light tan skin, dark hair, and an old scar over his lip entered with a bulky man with a buzz cut and small eyes.

"Tony! Marco! Want-"

"Did you go into my room?" Tony questioned.

"No, you told me not to-"

"Good, wash this," Tony said, handing you a knife.

The knife was wrapped in a red-stained napkin. The napkin was dry but still a bright red. You fearfully took it to the kitchen and began to wash it. Marco watched you and smiled, leaning on the fridge.

"You always look nice, birdy," he said.

"Thank you," you whispered.

"Yo! Marco!" Tony called.

Marco left as you continued to wash the knife. Could he have raped a girl? You threw away the napkin and dried the knife when you noticed Tony watching you.

"Tony?" you quietly asked.

"Yeah?"

"You wouldn't rape anyone, would-"

"Why are you asking that?" Tony snapped.

"I- nothing, it was nothing-"

"I said, why would you ask that!" 

"I'm sorry! Tony! I'm so sorry! Look-" you grabbed a pack of cigarettes and lit one.

You burned yourself to show you were sorry, but Tony wasn't accepting any apology. He grabbed you by the hair and burned the back of your neck. You screamed out, Tony let go, and you banged your eye against the corner of the counter. 

"Come on, Tony, leave her be," Marco said.

"Keep your beak shut, birdy!" Tony said.

You stayed on the ground and put out the cigarette with your fingers. It burned like hell, but you didn't care.  You felt numb as you cooled your fingers under running cold water. Your head began to throb around your eye socket. You felt like you were there to keep Tony's anger in control. He wouldn't hurt anyone besides you. Right?

Chapter Text

You didn't know if it was a good idea to walk into the precinct to ask for a place to stay. You also didn't know if it was a good idea to show them the knife Tony brought. It probably didn't help you washed the knife and touched it, but it's still something. Right? The two shots of tequila you took before you got into the cab were starting to hit. You entered the precinct with large black sunglasses on to cover up the incident from last night. Hopefully, no one would notice the injuries.

"Y/n, how are you doing? " Olivia asked.

"Fine! I, uh, just wanted-" you looked around at the detectives and bustling about and shrank "-is there anywhere we could talk?" You asked.

"Of course," Benson walked you toward the interrogation room, signaling Rollins and Barba to follow.

"All right, anything you want to tell me?" Olivia asked, closing the door.

"I uh- Tony came home yesterday and- he came with a knife," you said.

"Did he attack you?"

"Oh, no! But the knife was- it was in a napkin, and the napkin was red-"

"Red? Like blood?"

"I'm not sure... he told me to wash the knife. I'm sorry."

"So she brings the knife that stabbed the recent victim, but she washed it," Rollins sighed.

"Check if the weapon still has any DNA. Also, try to get that napkin from the girl," Barba said.

"We'll try our best," Rollins said.

"Listen, Y/n, there was another allegation against Anthony, and the girl was stabbed in the leg-"

"No! There must be a mistake! Tony wouldn't do that. That's what I'm for!"

"Not to make this harder, but the victim reported that they have been dating for a month-"

"I need some air! " you stood up and exited the room.

You stepped out of the room to find a blond detective and a nicely dressed man with dark hair and the most beautiful tired eyes in the world.

"Ma'am," Rollins said, "I'm detective Rollins. Are you okay?"

You couldn't take your eyes off the suited man. His air was commanding, determined, and confident. He shifted his weight and faced towards you.

"Ma'am? Are you all right? " Rollins asked again.

"I'm sorry... I just never seen a man dressed so nicely," you blurted.

Barba looked flabbergasted, and Rollins gasped lightly.

"I beg your pardon?" Barba said.

"You have lovely eyes," you blurted again.

"Y/n, this is A.D.A. Barba. He is trying to put a case together for the victims," Benson said, catching the last comment you made.

"An A... D...?"

"Defense attorney. Lawyer," Barba explained.

"A lawyer?" You said, a little more flirty than attended.

"Are you feeling all right?" Olivia asked.

"Oh, where's your bathroom?"

"Right over here, follow me," Olivia walked you away from the confused lawyer.

"Did I see what I think I saw?" Fin questioned, walking over to Rollins and Barba with Sonny.

"Got to fend off the pretty girls, am I right, counselor? " Sonny teased.

"She was trying to flirt with you!" Rollins said, mouth still agape.

"She is a possible part of the case, and I don't want to get involved, " Barba shot down everyone, adjusting his tie.

"Well, if this blows over, you should get her a drink," Sonny winked.

"And risk my job and the possibility of reopening a case? I don't think so. Run the knife, find the napkin. And don't badger me about this girl."

Olivia waited outside the restroom and couldn't believe anyone could try to-flirt with Barba? There sound of vomiting echoed from the bathroom. Oliva knocked lightly on the door.

"Y/n, are you feeling alright? "Olivia asked.

You walked out of the bathroom and nodded 'yes.' You had no idea what came over you. The lawyer seemed to catch you off guard, and you babbled away. You usually kept quiet since Tony said you talked too much.

"You wanna keep talking? Maybe about your injuries?"

"Oh, just being clumsy again! Nothing to worry about!"

"All right, but can we ask a few questions about Anthony?"

"Of course. I'm sorry about my behavior -"

"It's okay, let's go back to the room."

"Okay, " you sighed.

You followed Benson back into the interrogation room. You received glances and a smile from a cute lanky detective as you passed by. You passed by Barba. Barba darted his eyes up and down your figure, further furrowing his eyebrows. You tripped over your shoe and fell to the floor.

"Are you okay?" Olivia said, rushing to your side with Barba.

Your glasses slipped off your face revealing the black eye. You quickly adjusted it back, but it was too late.

"Did he do this to you? " Olivia asked.

"No! He pulled my hair, and I dropped-"

"He pulled your hair?" Olivia clarified.

"No- he's not bad! Tony is good to me and loyal and-"

Barba finished helping you up, and your damaged eyes met his. You felt your heart race and your eyes water.

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

"If he hurt you, we could help you," Barba said.

"Do you wanna talk?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah... I'll talk, you said.

Your eyes didn't leave Barba until you were back into the interrogation room. Barba couldn't believe someone would ever take an interest in him. Barba quickly rubbed his temples, thinking about the possible ways this could ruin the case. He couldn't get involved with her, no matter how pretty - no, he had to keep his cool. This was going to be a difficult case.

Chapter Text

"So, the guy raped this girl from a bar about five days ago, then he rapes his side and stabs her leg," Sonny clarified.

"He also beats his girlfriend and burns her," Olivia added.

"But, she won't file a report," Barba said.

"I thought you had pictures of her wounds?" Fin said.

"I was able to convince her to take the photos but not file a report," Barba said. 

"Why couldn't you sweet-talk her into more-"

"That's enough. Y/n is coming by to drop off the napkin later today, and I don't want to make a fuss," Olivia said.

"The DNA came back positive for both victims. It turns out Anthony had a history of dealing drugs and sexual assault..." Rollins looked over the files again and stayed silent.

"Rollins?"

"There was a sexual assault report, but it never went to court," Rollins said.

"Who-"

"Barba's girl- sorry- Y/n went to the police but never went through with court," Rollins explained. 

"When she brings the napkin, ask her why. Have you found Anthony yet?" Barba asked. 

"No, but we're still looking, " Olivia answered.

"The barkeeper said he hasn't seen the guy since the incident. He has footage of Dolly and Anthony kissing at the bar," Sonny said. 

"They could argue it was consensual. And the other girl?"

"Neighbors around her apartment said it seemed like they were in love. But that night they heard screaming-"

"And no one reported anything? " Barba asked. 

"No, the neighbors said they thought they get... you know-" Sonny gestured vaguely. 

"So, he could claim they got a little too rough in bed... what about the neighbors around his apartment?" Barba asked. 

"We haven't asked," Olivia answered. 

"Ask around, and maybe someone will speak up about the abuse," Barba said. 

     *       *      *

Your attitude yesterday was embarrassing. You promised you would bring the tissue back for the handsome lawyer, but you didn't know how to get into the apartment. You had a spare key, but Tony said not to go in for the day. A quick little trip wouldn't hurt.

You opened the apartment door and headed straight to the trash can. Luckily, the tissue was still there. You took it out and opened a drawer and pulled out a little hello kitty plastic bag. You put the tissue in the bag, not noticing Tony or Marco coming out of the room. You quickly put the bag in your purse and grabbed the edge of the counter. 

"I thought I told you not to come here!" Tony said in a threatening tone.

"I wanted to-"

Tony made his way toward you and looked at the box of hello kitty bags. He scoffed and threw the bags on the ground.

"What are you? Five? "

"They were cute and on sale-"

"God, I need a mature woman! Not some stupid girl!"

"I'm sorry-"

"Leave! Now! " Tony yelled.

You left the apartment quickly and made your way to the precinct. Hopefully, this would help.
 
"Mr. Barba!" You called.

Barba turned around. He greeted you with a nod and a stern look on his face. You smiled and pulled out the bag from your purse.

"I got the napkin!"

"Thank you, miss Y/n-" Barba curiously examined the bag"- hello kitty? "

You blushed and looked to the ground in shame. 

"I'm sorry, " you whispered. 

"No need. Sergeant Benson needs to ask you a few more questions -"

"Can I have those photos back?" You asked. 

"Pardon?"

"My injuries... the photos of my injuries. Can I have them back? "

"How's your eye?" 

"Fine, I'm fine. I don't think Tony would -"

"Have you seen Tony? " Barba asked.

"I-I ... he's innocent, I know he is! " you said.

"Miss Y/n, Tony is a wanted man now, if you have seen him-"

"I would like my pictures back," you interrupted Barba.

"For your safety and others, you need to speak up-"

"I'm fine! I'm okay! I've lived through worse!" You said.

You tried to walk away, but Barba grabbed your wrist compulsively then quickly let go. You looked into his eyes through your big black glasses. You just stared at him, and he stared back. Your lips parted as your eyes wandered to his; they were rather thin, but you didn't mind. 

"Ahem," Olivia cleared her throat, "Y/n, can we ask a couple of questions?"

Your cheeks burned, and you looked to the floor again.

"I have to go-"

"Please, just a few more questions. You're such a great help," Olivia pleaded.

You looked to Barba, he nodded his head, and you sighed.

"All right, " you said, following Olivia to the interrogation room again. 

"She's all over you! Am I right, counselor? " Sonny teased.

"You're crossing the line-"

"You were staring at each other for an hour," Fin said.

"She was staring at me! Now, if you excuse me," Barba stormed off to the interrogation area.

Rollins followed as Olivia began questioning. 

"Thank you for bringing in the knife and napkin," Olivia thanked. 

"I thought it could help," you said.

"It did. I was going through Anthony's files, and it said you reported sexual abuse. But never took it to court?"

"Tony has hurt me, but I honestly deserved it! It's not his fault! He didn't mean it, so I took it back, " you explained. 

"So he did hurt you-"

"Yes. No, he didn't mean to!"

"Have you seen Anthony around? We went by his apartment the other day, and he wasn't there, " Olivia said.

"I... I should go-"

"Y/N-"

"No! Tony is complicated, but he wouldn't harm anyone else!" 

You stood up and grabbed your purse. 

"Goodbye, Miss Benson!" You stormed off.

You stormed out of the precinct with nowhere to go. Tony didn't want you back, and if you did go, you didn't want the cops following. It looked like it was going to be one of those nights.

Chapter Text

It had been two days since the last sighting of you and Anthony. Benson and Fin went back to the apartment and asked if Anthony was spotted, but he hasn't been home for the last two days.

"Did you call Y/n?" Fin asked Olivia.

"She doesn't have a phone," Olivia grumbled.

"So we haven't seen Anthony, Marco, and Y/n in two days and no way of contacting them, " Sonny said in disbelief. 

"Well, on the bright side, the blood on the napkin matched Rosie, victim number too," Rollins said.

"Great, so we have evidence that Rosie was stabbed -"

"But unless Anthony confesses, he could twist the story saying that the sex got too rough. And no doubt they will show the video of Dolly and Anthony kissing," Barba said.

"We need to get Y/n to confess to Anthony beating her and-"

"If we find her," Barba interrupted Benson. 

"Neighbors say she usually goes out partying or goes to a karaoke bar," Fin said.

"Anthony first, then maybe Y/n won't be so afraid," Olivia said.

   * dun dun*

 Barba couldn't wait to get out of the office today. There was nothing more appealing than a scotch from a bar. If they didn't find these guys in time, the victims might back out, or worse. More girls could be hurt, especially that girl. Who knows what kind of hell she's been through. 

Barba got lost in his thoughts, and he realized he wasn't in a familiar part of town. He walked by a bar window and saw you sitting at the counter with a beer in your hand. 

Wait...

He retraced his steps and lingered by the doorway. Barba watched you guzzle down the beer and slam it on the table. He noticed your shades reflect the lights from the bar. You pouted your lips as you took out the wallet from your back pocket. Barba's eyes wandered to your bottom as you slid your hand down. You had a nice curve to your body.
Barba shook his head, clearing his mind of any provocative thoughts. He had a case to win.   

"Can I buy you a drink?" Barba asked, walking up to you.

You didn't look up from your wallet as you placed the little money you had back in. You figured it was another disappointed person looking for conversation.  

"Sure- oh my! Mr. Barba! What are you doing here?" You asked, jumping at the sight of Barba.   

"I could ask you the same thing," Barba said, pulling up a stool next to you. 

"I come here every so often. I like to sing, but the sound system is down. Just my luck," you said.

"Excuse me," Barba said, texting your whereabouts to Olivia.

"Messaging your wife?" You asked, sipping the drink the bartender gave you. 

"I'm married to my work."

"Oh. Girlfriend? "

"No, I try not to waste time with relationships, " Barba said.

"I'm sorry if I'm a waste of time, " you sighed.

You chugged down your drink, Barba felt a wave of guilt and bought you another one. 

"Thanks."

"No problem. So, why a karaoke bar?"

"Tony wouldn't like me going to a real bar right now," you mindlessly replied.

"Where's Tony?"

"He's... I have to go!" You panicked.

 You stood up from the stool as quickly as you could. You felt a rush to your head and nearly dropped where you stood. Barba grabbed your arm, holding you in place.  

"Stay," he said.

You looked into his green eyes and sat back down.

"Where have you been?" Barba asked.

"Just... hanging around," you lied.

You have been traveling around the last few days living on flirting men's dinners and sleeping in a car. You knew where Tony and Marco were, but Tony didn't want to see you.

You knew if he caught a glimpse of you, he would hit you for being nosey.

"How's your eye?"

"Not as pretty as yours-"

"Pardon?"

"I can cover it up with foundation, but I'm out of it, and that's why I'm wearing glasses," you said. 

You could feel the urge to be honest come up again. This man made you say the stupidest things, and you couldn't figure out why. You chugged down the other drink, hoping to blame whatever came out of your mouth next on the alcohol. 
Barba watched your chest heave up and down as some of the liquor slid down your chin and throat. He caught a glimpse of your healing eye from the corner of your glasses. 

"You know, you can still report those injuries-"

"Tony is not a horrible person! He's fucked up, but he wouldn't touch anyone else but me!" You snapped. 

"The DNA matched a victim, and you were the one who helped clean the knife they could get you for being an accomplice-"

"I didn't do anything wrong!"

"You tampered with evidence. Listen, you seem like a sweet girl, and I'm trying to help you. Please, just do what we ask," Barba said.

You had to look away from Barba. His beautiful green eyes pleaded with you as he touched your arm again. If Tony ever found out you were unintentionally flirting with a lawyer, he would flip. He would flip knowing you went to the cops anyway. You never thought of another man while you were with Tony. You were too scared too. Then again, no other man has made you feel safe enough to speak your mind and tell the truth. Not without force anyway. 

Barba removed his hand and sighed. He glanced discreetly at his phone, hoping Liv would get there before you ran away. You pierced your lips and crossed your arms. You could always blame everything on alcohol if you admitted anything.

"I need a few more drinks," you said.
 
Fin and Sonny rushed to the karaoke bar once they got the message from Liv. At the same time, Marco headed to the bar. He needed to ask you to go back to the apartment to get the knife and dispose of the tissue. You were a good girl and always picked up after the boys.  

You had a few drinks and felt the buzz hit. It usually didn't take this long, but you didn't mind. You were enjoying the attention Barba gave you. It was refreshing for someone to buy drinks and not expect to get in your pants. This made you horny.  You turned to Barba and slipped your hand onto his leg. You leaned towards him with a smirk on your face. 

"Y/n-"

"Shh! You're just so- I just want to-" you looked at his lips and licked yours.

"Do you need me to take you home?" Barba asked. 

"Home? What home?" You said, drinking the last drops of your eighth cup. 

"What do you mean?"

"Why don't you take me to your place?" You said, twirling your hair.

"Miss Y/n-"
You quickly pecked Barba on his lips. It was a short, sweet kiss, but still enough to catch Barba off guard. You processed your action and looked towards the ground. Your sunglasses slipped off your face as you tried to hide your blush. 

Sonny and Fin had looked through the window in shock at what they just witnessed. Never in their life did they expect to see Barba kiss a client. Or anyone for that matter. 

"That bit-"

"Hey! N.Y.P.D.!" Sonny called.

Marco started running, pushing down boxes and people trying to escape. Sonny and Fin jumped and dodged every obstacle Marco tried to create. Marco ran into the street, gasping for air. He slowed his pace thinking the cops were far behind them when BAM! He rolled off a taxi hood and onto the cold street.

"N.Y.P.D.! You're under arrest!" Sonny shouted, handcuffing Marco.

"I didn't do anything! "

"Yeah? Then why did you run?" Fin said.

  *      *     *

"I'm sorry," you apologized to Barba. 

"It was uncalled for... let's get you home," Barba said, reaching down picking up your glasses.

"I don't have a home, " you said, even more ashamed.

"What about the apartment? "

"Tony took the keys away from me. It's fine! I'll just go to my car and-"

"You've been sleeping in your car? " 

You felt so embarrassed and shameful you turned away from Barba again. Barba checked his messages and realized Liv wasn't going to send anyone over to pick Y/n up. He sighed because he knew what he was about to do could put his job on the line. Then again, he couldn't risk losing a lead to his case.

"Y/n, you can spend the night with me. But, only until we find living arrangements. You have to keep quiet about this," Barba said. 

"I could spend the night? " you looked up to Barba.

"Yes, let's go. It's getting late."

"Thank you so much, Mr. Barba! Thank you!"
 
Barba's place was like a castle to you. All your life, you lived in run-down homes with cheap furniture, but Barba's place was amazing.

"Are you okay?" Barba asked.

You turned to him, smiling and nodding. You took off your heels and felt the cool, clean tile under your feet. You let out a relaxed sigh as you let the warm heated air wrap around you. 

"Would you like something to drink? Other than liquor?"

"Can I see your kitchen? "

"Sure-"

 You ran into Barba's kitchen area and admired the new refrigerator and coffee machine. You giggled at all the coffee mugs and the assortment of coffee grounds. Barba watched you curiously as you explored his kitchen. He wondered why you marveled at such simple things.

"This is lovely!" You exclaimed. 

"It's just a kitchen-"

"But it's so nice!"

"You need to sleep, let me show you-"

"The couch is fine!" You said, playing with the stand of assorted coffee filters.

"All right. I'll go grab you blankets," Barba said. 

He had to admit you were adorable. Such a nice young girl, he wondered why you would waste your life with a low life like Tony. Barba grabbed a few blankets from his closet and a spare pillow from his bed. He never had guests over or expected any. He couldn't recall the last time he had a woman over for even coffee. 

Barba headed back into the kitchen, assuming you were still playing with the coffee. You weren't there, he sighed and found you already passed out on the couch. Barba placed the pillow under your head and the blanket over you. He slugged to his room and changed into his pajamas. He realized he didn't have his scotch after all and sighed.

There was a knocking at his door, and a familiar voice called.

"Barba! It's Fin!"

Barba sighed again and opened the door.

"Sorry, we didn't pick the girl up. We went to the bar and found Marco there and arrested him," Fin explained. 

"It's fine. She's sleeping on the couch," Barba said.

Fin peeped inside and saw you wrapped in Barba's blankets.

"Yeah, about that, Carisi and I also saw you two -"

"She kissed me. I didn't kiss back, " Barba defended himself.

"Liv ain't going to like this-"

"I'll tell her myself tomorrow!"

"Why is she sleeping over? "

"She doesn't have a place to stay. It's temporary until we can find living arrangements," Barba explained.

Fin nodded and looked to you again. 

"She's a pretty girl, don't let this get out of hand."

"I know. Goodnight, detective."

Barba closed the door and huffed. He rubbed his head, thinking of the backlash he was going to receive tomorrow.  He returned to his room and quickly fell asleep. It felt like a lifetime later, but the sudden shift in his bed startled him awake. 

"Mr. Barba," you said.

"Hm?"

"I can't sleep well... can I sleep with you?"

Your innocents caught Barba off guard and baffled him. 

"Miss Y/n, this is highly inappropriate. I'm already risking my job-"

"Please! Just one night! "

Barba could still smell the alcohol on your breath. He didn't have the energy to fight your drunk, innocent state. He groaned and nodded, 'yes.'

"Only for tonight. Don't make this sexual," Barba said. 

 Barba turned to face you, rather annoyed only to realize you were already asleep. Out of all the times he has seen you, you never looked this peaceful. Your hair laid on your face, your cheek and lips looked soft to the touch. Barba gently brushed away the hair from your face. His hand lingered close to your face. You were beautiful.

"Goodnight," Barba whispered, getting up quietly. 

Barba stopped as you placed your hand on his arm. He flipped the pillow from under him longways as he slid from your arm. Barba moved your hand off him and onto the plush soft pillow. Barba stood at the edge of his bed, watching your steady breath. He smiled as you cuddled with the pillow in place of him. This girl would be the end of him. 

Chapter Text

Barba didn't sleep well that night. He woke up several times to check on you. Luckily you were always fast asleep. For the first time in a month, you were able to sleep peacefully in a bed. 

After the restless night, Barba got up to the sound of the water running in his bathroom. He sighed and decided to start on coffee cup one out of ten. To his surprise, a cup was waiting for him already made. Barba added his usual creamer, wondering what time you got up. The water stopped, and to Barba's surprise, you came out in nothing but a towel.

"Good morning, " you smiled.

"Ma'am-"

"I didn't know what to put in your coffee, so I left it plain-"

"Miss-"

"Oh, and I ironed a shirt for the day for you and matching tie-"

"Y/n!" Babra shouted.

"Hm?"

"I think it would be best if you would put some clothes on," Barba said, blushing. 

You realized you were in a towel and went back to the room to change. Barba took a long, slow sip of his coffee. This was going to be a long day.

"Mr. Barba," you said fully clothed, "what do you have planned for the day?"

"Y/N, I think we should go back to the precinct and -"

"Oh," you sighed.

"Please, you helped a lot in this case. You would be doing the right thing," Barba said. 

"I'm sorry for asking to sleep with you last night. I'm afraid of the dark," you admitted.

Barba examined you to see any signs of willingness to go back to the precinct. You looked down, not wanting to be lost in his tired green eyes again. At the same time, a distraction would be nice. 

"I'll go back, but I won't promise I'll be of any help," you gave in.

"Thank you, " Barba said. 

   *        *        *

"Look, Marco, you could either tell us where Anthony is-"

"I didn't do anything! I haven't even seen her!" Marco spat at Olivia.

"So, if I put you in a lineup and Rosie identifies you-"

"I don't know who this girl is!"

"Rosie! Anthony's girlfriend! You watched him as he raped her, and you touched her too!" Olivia yelled.

Barba entered the precinct with you by his side. You were smiling while holding both of your coffees. He held up his hand, gesturing for you to stay put. Sonny approached Barba as he started to walk towards Olivia's office. 

"Counselor, I guess you bought her a drink after all," Sonny said.

"Now's not the time," Barba said, annoyed. 

All morning Barba was pestered with questions at the office whether you were his niece, daughter, intern, or if it was a sugar daddy relationship. Once men found out you were available, instant flirting pursued.

"So, you gonna tell the Lieutenant what happened? It was a quick kiss but-"

"I know, Carisi"- Barba turned his head towards you- "I won't let this get out of hand."

You were looking towards the elevators and slowly inching back. Barba walked towards you and guided you towards a seat. 

"Wait here, I'll be back," Barba said.

 He took his third cup of coffee from your hands and headed toward the interrogation room. 

"Any luck?" Barba asked Fin.

"No, what about you?" Fin asked.

"My morning has been terrible, thank you."

"How's the girl?" 

"Fine, until everyone started asking whether I was her father or 'sugar daddy' !" Barba answered bitterly.

Fin laughed, receiving a death glare from Barba. 

"I'm sorry, Barba! I'm sure she doesn't look to you as just a source of money-"

"That's enough."

Olivia walked out of the interrogation room tired and a little quenched from yelling. 

"He's not going to break. And the evidence doesn't put him in that room," Olivia said.

"He didn't leave any DNA? " Barba asked.

"No. No fingerprints, no seamen-"

"We're going to still line him up, right?" Fin asked. 

"Yeah, call Rosie for me?"

"Sure. Oh, and the Counselor here needs to have a word with you," Fin said.

"Now might not be the right time," Barba said as Fin walked off. "What's wrong?"

Barba sighed and looked off to the side. Olivia leaned against the wall waiting for the worst.

"I found Y/n-"

"That's great! Where is she?"

"Upfront. I think Y/n knows where Anthony is. The tricky part is she won't say anything-"

"Where did you find her?" Olivia asked.

"Karaoke bar-"

"And you convinced her to come in?"

Barba caught onto Olivia. She suspected that something was going on between Barba and you. Barba turned cold. He had enough allegations for today.

"Yes. Y/n stayed at my place last night because she doesn't have a place to stay. I suggest finding places for her immediately," Barba said. 
 
Meanwhile, you sat in a chair swinging your feet, sipping the Starbucks Barba treated you to. You noticed Sonny watching you sip your drink. His eyes darted up and down the outfit you wore last night as he wondered what happened at Barba's apartment. Caris's eyes met yours. He got up from his desk and smiled. 

"I'm detective Carisi," Sonny introduced himself.

"Carisi? Is that Italian?" You asked.

"Yeah, it is. Listen, I was out on patrol last night, and I couldn't help but notice you kissed Counselor Barba-"

"I was drunk," you said quickly, looking down.

Rollins, who was eavesdropping, choked on her coffee at hearing someone would actually kiss Barba. 

"You okay, Rollins? " Sonny asked. 

Rollins nodded and left to the break room to get napkins. Sonny got closer to you and lowered his voice. 

"Drunk or not, you should hide whatever you feel for him. It could ruin the case-"

"I'm sorry," you apologized. 

"You've helped us a lot! I don't want your help to go to waste, okay?"

You nodded, but your eyes never left the floor. Your chest was tight, and your breathing was starting to become uneven.  

"Y/n," Benson called.

You looked up at Detective Benson. Barba stood behind her watching her gesture and listening for any hint of anger. You looked up and saw Fin escorting Marco in handcuffs. You stood up and approached the detective and Marco. 

"Marco? What are you doing here?"

"You know him?" Fin asked. 

"Yes, he's Tony's friend! He wouldn't hurt a fly. There must be some mistake-"

"You hanging around cops now, birdy?" Maroc said bitterly. 

"Marco, I'm so confused! There has to be a mistake! He always took care of me-"

"Y/n now is not the time," Barba said to you.

"Mr. Barba, please-"

"Barba? You were kissing Rafael Barba?"

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Barba asked. 

Marco smiled, "No... but everyone knows you!"

"That's enough! Fin take him away," Benson said.

"You better stay away, birdy! They'll know you're Barba's weak spot! They'll know everything!" Marco shouted as he was dragged away.

"There has to be a mistake! Marco always took care of me after I was hit. There has to be-"

"Y/n, why don't you help yourself to some snacks in the break room. Barba, my office," Olivia commanded.

Barba followed Olivia, his eyes darting from you to Olivia. He knew he was in trouble. It wasn't supposed to come out like this, but it was time to face some consequences. Olivia closed the door and blinds as prepared for the worst. 

"When were you going to tell me?" Olivia questioned. 

"Tell you-"

"You kissed her! So, you took her home last night? Did you sleep with her too?"

"She kissed me! She was drunk!"

"But did you sleep with her?"

"No-"

"So, you want me to believe she was in your home, but nothing happened?!?"

"Yes! She came into my bed and asked if she could sleep with me-"

"Is she afraid of the dark or something?"

"Yes!"

Olivia was furious and shocked. She leaned against her desk with nothing left to say to Barba. He was a cautious man. He wouldn't ruin his reputation over a girl. 

"So, she's afraid of the dark?"

"If you can imagine what she's been through, wouldn't you?"
 
Tears streamed down your face as you cowered in the corner of the breakroom. You heard Mr. Barba and detective Benson yelling and wanted to getaway. You hated yelling. As Sonny passed by the door, he heard quiet sobbing and paused. He lightly knocked on the doorframe. You were huddled in a corner, knees up to your head and facing a wall. 

"Hey, you okay? " Sonny asked.

You sniffled and wiped away a tear, hoping he wouldn't notice. Sonny cautiously approached you with a box of tissues. He slowly moved his arm to hand them to you. Instinctively you flinched.

"It's okay. I'm just handing you tissues. You're safe here, okay?" Sonny said softly.

"I got Mr. Barba in trouble, didn't I?" You cried.

"No, it's okay-"

"No, it's not! I feel sick-"

"It's nothing to feel bad about-"

"No! I feel really sick!" You cried. 

You gagged as you ran towards the trash can. You threw up the bagel you had this morning and whatever contents you had last night. Sonny stopped himself from throwing up as well by leaving the room as quickly as possible. You felt dizzy and wondered why you were suddenly sick. Maybe it was all the guilt you felt from seeing Marco in cuffs and hearing Barba get yelled at.

"Y/n," Benson called.

"I'm fine," you said.

"Okay, I need to ask you a few more questions, all right?"

"I'm ready... I'm fine... is Mr. Barba in trouble?" You asked.

"Why don't we talk about that, okay?"
 
"So you know Marco?" Olivia asked.

You were in the interrogation room again. Sonny brought you a trash can just in case you had the urge to vomit.

"Yes, he's Tony's friend. He wouldn't hurt anyone -"

"And why do you say that?"

"Well, he always looked out for me-"

"How? Y/n, please be honest with us. What did he do to earn your trust?" Olivia questioned. 

You looked at your fingers and started picking at them. A new wave of nausea hit, only this time you let out a cry.

"After he would hit me," you began, "he would help me up and get me ice and band-aids... he would try to heal my burns when Tony made me burn myself with cigarettes. He would hide the cigarettes at times too. Marco was always so sweet. I know he wouldn't help Tony rape that girl!"

"Y/n, do you know where Tony is?" Benson asked.

"I do, but I don't," you finally told the truth. 

"What do you mean?"

"I know what area he's in. But, I don't know exactly where he is... but Marco does! This will prove he's innocent -"

"How does Marco know where he is?"

"Tony told me they were going to be gone for a while. He didn't want me to bother them. Please, just let me ask him, he'll answer to me!" You pleaded.

"Okay, I'll see what I could do," Benson said.

"Is Mr. Barba in trouble?" You asked again. 

"Mr. Barba is on a rocky path right now-"

"We didn't do anything! I kissed him, and that's it! That's all!" You defended Barba.

"I believe you, but you need to stay away from him for a while. Okay?" Oliva said.

You sighed and nodded that you understood.

"We're making arrangements for you to stay somewhere for the night. You'll be safe," Oliva gave a half-smile.

"That's what you think..." you trailed off. 

"I'll talk to Marco. You just sit tight," Olivia said, leaving the interrogation room. 

"She really believes in Marco," Barba said, looking into the glass.  "She also believed in Tony. I don't trust either of them. We'll ask Marco where Anthony is," Olivia said.

"He won't lawyer up," Barba mentioned.

"Great! We have full access!"

"Oliva, the evidence does not put him in that room if we cut him a deal-"

"He'll walk free?" Olivia said in disbelief. 

"We will have Anthony. I'll convince Y/n to testify -"

"You've done enough convincing for one day!" Oliva snapped.

She sighed, resting her hands on her hips, and began pacing. 

"Stay away from her for a while. I'll have Fin and Sonny talk to Marco. I'll convince Y/n to come forward about the beating... at least we could get him on that."
 

After twenty minutes of making deals, Marco finally agreed. 

"Look, I wasn't there when he raped the girl," Marco lied.

"But you have seen Anthony?" Sonny asked. 

"Yeah... but if you barge in all cop like he has eyes, he'll know," Marco said.

"Why were you at the bar last night?" Fin asked. 

"I was going to talk to birdy and ask her to do a favor for Tony."

"Which was?" Sonny pressed.

Marco paused and thought really hard about what to say next.

"He wanted more silverware at the place he's staying. You know stuff like knives and forks..."

"Ah-huh, why couldn't you go out and get it?" Fin asked.

"Birdy knows where everything is at."

"So, you go and find birdy?" Fin said, wanting to get the whole story.

"Yes, and she was kissing that lawyer!" Marco growled.

"That's enough!" Sonny said.

"Got a place yet? " Rollins asked Benson.

They both watched the integration behind the glace. Benson caught Rollins up on the Barba situation. Luckily for Benson, Rollins overheard Carisi. 

"Still working on it. Marco is right. Anthony is good at hiding from the cops. He will find a way to escape," Benson said.

"So we can lure him out," Rollins suggested.

"If we do, we need to use Y/n. There's no one else he trusts," Benson sighed. 

"We barely got her to testify and report the beatings! How are we-"

"Barba and I will handle it," Benson said, pinching the brim of her nose. 

"So no one's lying. Y/n kissed Barba? You're serious?" Rollins asked in disbelief. 

"I really wish I wasn't," Benson said.
 
Later that day, Sonny bought you some Chinese food and gave you money for the vending machine. The detectives told you to wait while they looked for the number for the women's center. You wanted to get out of the precinct now. You wished you could just crash at Barba's place again.

"Y/n, I need to talk to you," Benson said.

"Did you find out where Tony is?" You asked. 

"Yes, we did. But, we need to ask a huge favor," Benson started.

"All right," you cautiously agreed.

"Y/n, we need you to lure Anthony out of his hiding place. You will be wired just in case anything happens, and we will be there waiting-"

"You want me to go up against him?" You asked, with a quiver in your voice. 

"Only if you want, it would be easier -"

"I need some air!" you said, jumping from your chair.

"Y/n-"

"I need some air!" you repeated, more desperately. 

You ran out of the precinct, your heart pounding in your ear. What makes the cops think Tony would do anything you say? He always called you stupid! He told you were only useful for cleaning and the other thing. The cops convinced you to testify against Tony. You were finally pressing charges. How could they ask for more? 
The elevators opened, and you sped towards the front doors. You pushed past officers, people, and what seemed like the sea. The crips New York air flooded your nose, the sun luckily dimmed from your glasses. Your head spun as a new wave of nausea hit. You never felt so lost.  

"Y/ n," Barba called.

"Mr. Barba!" You turned around.

"I know what they're asking is terrifying, but you're the only one who could do this," Barba said.

"What if I don't want to?" you asked.

"You don't have to. But you could help these girls- help yourself get justice! You don't have to be afraid of the dark anymore."

You couldn't look at Barba. You leaned against a wall and looked up at the sky, wondering what to do. 

"Thank you, " Barba said.

"For what?" You scoffed. 

"For making me coffee and picking my outfit for today. While you were flirting with the hipster, the barista at Starbucks said my tie brought out the color of my eyes," Barba smiled.

"He wasn't flirting with me!" You laughed. 

"Think about it, okay?" Barba said.

"I'm sorry," you said breathily.

"For?" Barba asked, cocking his eyebrow.

"Kissing you. I know it got you in trouble and-"

"It's all right. I need to go back to the office and clear my name," Barba partly joked. 

You tilted your head towards Barba, biting your lip. You didn't know if you should laugh or cry. As Barba headed off, you looked up at the sky again and saw a cloud that looked oddly like a broken heart. 

"Hey!" You shouted.

Barba spun back, a little shocked that you called him. You lowered the top of your sunglasses, your eyes fluttered, adjusting to the light. 

 "You're welcome," you said. 

Chapter Text

Barba felt sorry for Y/n but was more tired than anything. He realized you never stood up to Tony or held him accountable for abusing you. He thought about the years or months you had endured each hit. Suddenly, that was all about to change. It was a hard thing to go undercover or even be wired. The stress must be unbearable and-

Barba heard a knocking at his door. He got up from his couch and grumbled as he opened the door. It was you. You stood in the doorway wearing a short tight dress showing off your figure. Your high heels accentuated the curve of your smooth, silky legs. You giggled when Barba opened the door and hugged him. He felt sorry for you but not this sorry.

"Miss Y/n, what are you doing here?" Barba asked.

He peeled your arms off and scrunched his nose at the smell of sweat and liquor. 

"Well, if I'm lucky in a minute, you!" You drunkenly giggled.

You pushed your way past Barba into his living room. 

"Miss Y/n, didn't Sergeant Benson give you a place to stay?" Barba asked.

You laughed while pulling out a card from your breast to a shelter for abuse victims and tossed it at Barba. He glanced at the card then at you sternly, but it only made you giggle more.

"I was going to go, but I wanted to celebrate! You caught Tony! I'm free!" You laughed. 

Barba rolled his eyes and shut the door behind him. You walked your fingers up Barba's chest playfully. He watched your fingers work their way up to his collar and his chin. Barba grabbed your wrist and glared. You smashed your lips against Barba's. He could taste the alcohol on your tongue as you shoved it into his mouth. He tried to pull you off, placing his hands on your torso. Before he could push you off, you took a step closer. You wrapped your arms around the top of Barba's shoulders. Barba took a couple of steps forward, moving you with him. He pushed you onto the couch, the hem of your dress hiked up as you began to hysterically laugh.

"We haven't caught Tony. We caught Marco," Barba said, wiping his lips.

"Oh! Yeah! I forgot... then why am I free?" You asked. 

"You're drunk-"

"I feel free!" You smiled.

Barba sat on the opposite side of the couch as you fixed your dress. He read the card to see when the shelter closed. It was an hour past closing time, which meant another night alone together. Barba felt your weight on his lap as you tried to advance once more. He ignored you, staring at the card while you played with his tie. 

"Miss -"

"Call me birdy," You said as you straddled Barba.

"Miss Y/n... I would appreciate it if you kept this relationship professional," Barba glared. 

"But I'm free! I can have anyone I want and go to all the clubs I want!" 

You leaned in to kiss Barba again. He placed two fingers on your lips and raised his left eyebrow.

"What do you mean by free?" Barba asked. 

You smiled and kissed his cheek.

"I don't have to listen to Tony anymore! He's gone! I don't have to clean for him or see if he's moody or worry if he's gonna hit me! I can do whatever I want without his pals stalking me! I can have whatever I want! And I want you!" You explained.

Before you could kiss Barba again, he stood up from the couch. You landed on your elbows, legs slightly spread as you caught yourself. You huffed while struggling to stand back up, wobbling in your red heels. 

"I'm trying to help you! When is the last time you did it, Counselor? Huh? When-"

"That's none of your business! You can stay the night, but you need to stay away from me," Barba warned.

He headed off to his room, removing his tie and vest. This was going to be a long night. Barba removed the rest of his clothing and lazily looked through his drawers for pajamas.

"God... You're beautiful, " You said, staring at Barba in his underwear. 

"Out, " Barba blushed.

"I'll just-"

"Out!" Barba shouted.

He moved towards you to show you to the door. Like an instinct, you trembled and fell on your back again. You took a glass of old scotch down with you from the counter of the drawer as you fell. The shatter of the glass caused you to flinch.

"I'm so sorry! I'll clean it up-"

"Leave it," Barba sighed.

"Please! I'll clean it up! Look!"

You started to clean up the glass from the spilled scotch reopening some cuts while making new ones.

"Don't hurt yourself," Barba said.

"I'll be good, I promise! " you said instinctively. 

Barba went into the kitchen to get his dustpan. He wondered if you would always cut yourself by picking up the glass. Barba brought back the dustpan and stopped in his tracks. You let little glass pieces get stuck in your fingers like splinters. He carefully walked around the area and swept up the rest of the glass. He gestured for you to put the glass in your hands into the pan. You hesitantly obeyed and let go of all the broken pieces.

Barba disposed of the glass and wiped as much scotch up as he could. As he swept, you stood up and headed out of his bedroom.

"Where are you going? " Barba asked.

"I thought -"

"Stay. I don't want you out there anyway. Who knows what could happen when you're out."

"I'm sorry," you apologized.

Barba finished cleaning up and looked at the cheap revealing outfit you had on. He looked through his drawers and pulled out sweatpants and an old Havard shirt.

"Here, change," Barba said. 

You nodded and headed to the bathroom. Barba sighed and finally put on his own pajamas. As you stepped out of the restroom, you lifted the sweatpants to your waist and pulled on the strings. The sweatpants still sank to your hips. You were swimming in his old clothes, but you didn't mind at all. 

"Thank you," You said.

"Let me see your hands, " Barba said. 

You reluctantly held out your hands, expecting the worst. Instead, Barba examined your wounds and pulled you back to the bathroom. He looked in his medicine cabinet and pulled out bandages. 

"It looks like there's no more glass. This is going to sting-"

"Ow!" You winced. 

Barba wrapped the bandages on your bleeding hands, trying to make you comfortable as possible. You looked away, not wanting to watch the bandages turn red. Barba gently dropped your hands down to your sides. Your hair was a curled mess, and your makeup was smearing away. At least your eye was healing under the makeup.

"Why did you kiss me?" Barba asked. 

"I'm sorry! I won't do it again," You apologized.

"I know, but why?" Barba pressed.

"I don't know. You're nice to me. I just- never been treated like I mattered. I mean, every so often, but not like this," You answered. 

"It's just my job," Barba said.

"Oh, I'm just a job," You said in defeat. 

Barba watched you cross your arms and look towards the floor. He wondered what you looked like without makeup. He grabbed a hand towel and pushed the shower curtain aside. Barba handed you the towel, now wet with soap and water. You scrubbed your face clean of the makeup and grime from the night. 

You gave Barba a sad smile as you brushed some hair away from your damp face. Your near-natural state was beautiful, and your eyes glistened from the bathroom light. Barba brushed his thumb on your cheekbone under your healing eye.

Barba took a step closer to you, smelling more of himself than the liquor.  

"You won't remember this," Barba said. 

"Mr. Barba-"

You felt your lips crash against Barba's. You didn't know if you kissed him or he kissed you. Either way, you enjoyed his embrace as you guided his hands on your waist. Barba pulled away, not wanting to risk his career for this. You seemed like a sweet girl but now was not the time.

"Goodnight," Barba said.

"Mr. Barba! Wait! Please!" You called, following him to bed.

You were too drunk to put together what really happened. Barba seemed to be annoyed with you but at the same time he cared. Barba laid under the covers, immediately regretting his actions. You huffed, following Barba to his bed, and plopped yourself next to him. Barba gave a warning glare, but you didn't care. You leaned close to his face and scowled. 

"Why?" You asked. 

"You're drunk, sleep-"

"Why do you let me kiss you? What-"

"Go to sleep!" Barba snapped.

"I'm easy, that's why, huh?"

"Y/n-"

"Tony would tell me!" You pouted, sitting up.

"He would also hit you!"

"He wasn't always like that!" You burst.

You sighed, remembering and reminiscing the first time you met Tony.

"I was new to the city, fresh from Cali... I wanted to have fun and party, so I did! At a club I met Tony... he was so sweet and kind, and I went back to that club every night just to see him. We started dating after two weeks, and I fell in love. I was working at a store and auditioning when I had time off until I was fired. Tony let me stay at his place, but he was getting bored with me, so I started being his maid. He kept me. He said he loved me, so I told him about something that happened to me from my youth. Then that's when..."

"What?" Barba urged.

"He started taking advantage of me. When I wouldn't do certain chores or go out or audition, he would threaten to take me back to the place- and I got sick of it I was going to leave, but he hit me. I was so afraid. It was dark, and he dragged me and threatened to do the same thing that happened to me a while back," You started crying. 

Barba knew the stories of his clients and felt remorseful, guilty even. He saw them break down in court. But he also saw them change. Everyone was scared of the dark, but they got over it eventually. 

"You can sleep here," Barba said. 

"Really?" You asked, wiping away tears.

"Yes... I will bring you justice, okay?" Barba said, sitting up.

Barba rubbed your back as you tried to pull yourself together. 

"I'm going to do it," You said. 

"Y/n-"

"I'm going to Anthony tomorrow, and they're going to get him! I'm so tired of living in fear! I won't be afraid of the dark! I won't be afraid of the dark..." You said as you laid down.

Your eyes felt heavy as you mumbled to yourself. You dozed off on top of the comforter snuggling yourself into Barba's clothes. 
Barba watched you for a while, questioning himself for the first time. Maybe you shouldn't go in for the squad tomorrow. He knew how afraid you were, which is probably why you drank so much. He never could imagine what his clients went through. He always wondered what happened after the assault. Did they move on? Would she move on? He couldn't get too attached... he had to stay away.

You tossed and turned in your sleep. Barba put his arm around you to stop you from fidgeting. You slept facing him, your head near his chest. He had to keep you at a distance. Barba knew he couldn't get too emotionally involved with his client. With this girl... but he knew he couldn't. 

Chapter Text

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Benson asked you for the third time.

"I know where he is, and I want you to get him. I want this to be over! I don't want to be afraid," you said.

 "And Mr. Barba had nothing to do with this decision?" Benson asked.

"No. In fact, he encouraged me this morning to reconsider," you answered. 

"All right, Rollins will prep you. Thank you," Benson said. 

Rollins gave you a half-smile as she walked you out of Benson's office. Barba waited outside, careful not to hold his breath. Rollins gently touched your arm, guiding you away from Barba. She shot him a quick glance before sitting you down. 

"Barba," Olivia called from her office. 

Barba entered Olivia's office, ready for any rath he was about to face.

"So, I went to check on Y/n at the center I sent her to-"

"She showed up at my place, drunk. She kissed me again. She also broke a glass of mine and cut herself while picking up the pieces. I helped put bandages on her, and we slept in the same bed. I have nothing to hide," Barba said. 

"Okay. Did you tell Y/n to work with us?" Benson asked.

"No. She confided in me why she is afraid of Tony. I don't think she should go out there today. Y/n was drinking like she was ready to die. However, she made her own decision, and I'm glad she can further help our case," Barba stood his ground. 

"Okay. I believe you. You're smart, Barba. I don't have to tell you to get too attached," Olivia said.

"She's just a client, " Barba said. 

"Hey, Liv- am I interrupting? " Fin asked, barging into the office.

"No, what's wrong?" Benson asked.

"We got a call from the place Y/n was supposed to be at. There was an attack last night-"

"Attack?" Barba said in disbelief. 

"Yeah, they said be careful who you send! The place was shot up," Fin explained.

Barba shoved his hands into his pocket and sighed. He looked up to the ceiling, silently thanking God you were an alcoholic. 

"Fin, could you give us a minute?" Benson asked.

Fin closed the door behind him, leaving Olivia and Barba dumbstruck.

"She could have been killed," Olivia said.

"It's not your fault," Barba said. He began pacing back and forth, staring at the floor. "It looks like we're up against something more dangerous than we thought. Someone inside must have tipped the shooters off. Question everyone who knew where Y/n was going-

"Can she still stay with you?" Olivia asked. 

Barba cocked his head and stopped pacing. 

"Of course, but I don't think-"

"They haven't suspected you yet. Just one more night, then she can stay with me, then Fin- the whole squad!- until we find a safe place," Olivia said.

"All right," Barba said.

He peaked outside the blinds scanning the whole room. You were still at Rollins desk, nodding your head as she gave you a breakdown of what to expect. You were lucky. You probably didn't feel like it, but you were. Olivia patted Barba's arm, snapping him out of his gaze.

"She's safe. I'm glad you're bringing her in," Olivia smiled.

"Right. She'll be safer with those men behind bars," Barba said. 

        *        *       *

You carefully walked down the street, glancing every which way. You held your coat closer to your body, fighting your nervous shivers. You felt the wire tied to your chest. It weighed like a chain sinking deeper into your skin with each breath. Rollins had walked you through the plan and reassured you that the N.Y.P.D. would be there the whole time. You didn't notice them as you came up to Marco's apartment. 

Tony had been hiding out at Marco's apartment the whole time. Everyone in the building had some shady business going on. No one told on each other or pointed a finger. As long as you had parties elsewhere, everything was fine among the tenants. 

You looked around you again for a sign of anyone. The street was empty. Only the dirty locals walked by, giving you death glares. You rang the building while watching a black car pass by. Tony wouldn't answer the intercom, but he would still let you up. You hoped the squad was watching wherever they were. The door buzzed, and you heard the clicking of locks. 

You entered the apartment like it was any other day. It was smaller than the apartment you and Tony shared. The air was dense, the curtains were drawn shut. A couch and T.V. set was placed in the living room along with scattered beer bottles. The door slammed behind you, causing you to jump and turn around. You were greeted with dark jealous eyes and twitching hands. Tony was leaned up against the wall. All his charm you once saw faded into the crazy look in his eyes. He inched towards you, breathing heavily. You took a few steps back and reached into your coat pocket.

"Tony... I brought the knife-"

"About damn time! Where the hell have you been? Huh!" Tony shouted. "Marco got arrested! Do you know why? 

"No, he didn't do anything wrong, did he?" You stupidly asked.

"Dumb bird, why else would the cops have him?" Tony said, grabbing a beer bottle from the floor.

You removed your hand from your coat pocket. You didn't have the knife on you or any weapon for that matter. Tony was too busy nursing his beer to notice your hand slipping out.

"Hey, Tony, I was thinking-"

"You were thinking? You?" Tony scoffed.

"Yeah... maybe we could go out tonight? You know, like old times?" You weakly offered. 

Your mouth was dry, and your heart was racing. Tony glared at you. His eyes screamed murder as you asked that dumb question. Where were the detectives? Where were the green eyes that made you feel safe?

You looked down from Tony's menacing gaze. You heard his heavy feet approach you each stomp echoed in your ears. You saw Tony's shoes toe to toe with your own. 

"Look at me," Tony commanded. 

You obeyed whether you liked it or not. Tony lifted your face up by the chin and then held onto your face.  

"How dumb are you? " Tony asked. 

"I don't know-"

"You asked if I would rape someone! Did you send Marco to the cops?" Tony yelled.

"No! Tony, I-"

"I bet you're wired! They said you were going to abused victims home -" Tony smashed the beer bottle against the couch "- you think you're abused?"

"Tony! Please! I-"

He grabbed your hair and slammed you to the floor. Tony stepped on your back and yelled:

"Do you even know what abused is!? Do you want me to touch you as they did-"

"No! Please!" You cried.

"Do you want me to force my hand upon you like they-"

"Tony, please!"

"You stupid slut!"

Tony gently put his foot on your head. Your face was punctured by the glass from the broken bottle. Tears stung the wounds and mixed with blood and sweat as you began to shake. 

"You're already laying down," Tony said, suddenly straddling you.

"No! Please!"

"N.Y.P.D.!" Sonny shouted, barging in with the squad. 

"Anthony Zenger, you are under arrest for the rape of Rosie Madeline and Dolores Park. You are also under arrest for the attempted rape of Y/n," Olivia said.

As Benson continued to list Tony's rights, he just turned to you and smiled. You felt more terrified than you ever been. 

"Hey, it's okay, you're safe!" Carisi said, helping you up.

"Liv, get an ambulance! She's bleeding!" You heard Fin shout.

Everything turned fuzzy. You could faintly hear Sonny talking to you. The blood and sweat started to blind you as you struggled to keep your eyes open.

"You did well. Stay with me, kid! Benson! She has glass in her head! Don't faint! Stay with me! Stay-"

        *      *      *

You were in a dark room. You had hospital clothes on, and for some reason, you felt smaller. There was a bright light from the side of the room. The light cast a silhouette of a man sitting in a chair. You slid out of the hospital bed and walked towards the source of the shadow. You recognized the black hair, pressed suit, and emerald eyes sitting next to a lamp on a small round desk.

"Mr. Barba!" you smiled.

You knelt by his chair and rested your hand on his knee. 

"You won't remember this," he whispered. 

"Remember?"

Barba leaned towards you and kissed you passionately. You moaned at the sensation, feeling Barba's needy lips against yours. Barba pulled you onto his lap. You felt his bulge under his pants as he swirled his tongue in your mouth. You pulled back, remembering you were just a job to him.

"Mr. Barba-"

"You- won't - remember - this," he said in between pecking your lips. 

"I will," you said. 

You kissed Barba with genuine affection. You ran your fingers through his hair and then down his chest. You stopped, realizing Barba wasn't kissing back. 

"You won't remember this, " he repeated. 

You felt Barba grab your breast. You looked down, but the hand was coming from behind you and not from Barba. You panicked, prying the hand off you. Another hand grabbed your throat, pulling you away from Barba's lap. You struggled to keep the hands off you but more kept coming. Tugging your hair, groping your shoulder, neck, ass, breast, hip, waist. They continued to claw at you as Barba just watched. 

"Help!" You screamed. 

"Y/n!" Barba called. 

"Make it stop!" You cried.

You felt a hand shaking your shoulder as Barba continued to call.

"Y/n! Y/n!"

You sat up in a hospital bed drenched in sweat. The mysterious hand was still on your shoulder. You quickly slapped it off of you and turned to its owner.

"Are you okay? " Barba asked, rubbing his hand. 

 You were in the hospital. A sudden ache pinged the side of your forehead. You gently held your fingers to the sore spot and felt stitches.

"She's ready to go, Mr. Barba," a nurse said, walking into your room.

"Thank you. Come on, get dressed, you're staying with me," Barba said.
 
The ride to Barba's place was quiet. The silence allowed the memories of recent events to invade your mind. You were still on edge from your dream, feeling the groping hands all over your body. You didn't remember the walk to Barba's place. You found yourself crying into a pillow, squeezing it as it muffled your sobs. 

"Y/n? Y/n-"

"Please, don't let me sleep! I can't do it!" you cried, lifting your head from the pillow.

"Shh, it's all right, you're safe, " Barba reassured. 

"I can't! " you said, choking on your tears.

Barba set the sweat pants and shirt from the night before next to you. You steadied your breathing for Barba's sake. He had never looked so exhausted. You walked towards the bathroom with his old clothes in your right arm. You wiped away your tears, hoping they would stop. Barba poured himself a glass of scotch and sat down in his living room chair. What on earth happened? He made a mental note to listen to the audio tomorrow for any signs of foul play. 
Barba heard a thud from his room. He quickly ran to find you on the floor, still sobbing and scratching at your arms.

"Hey, don't do that! Ven aquí no te rasques-"

"You can speak Spanish?" You sniffled.

"Yeah... can you?" Barba asked, lifting you up from the floor.

"I can understand most..." You trailed off.

"Good, come here. You need to sleep -" 

"But-"

"I'll be right there," Barba said.

Barba sat you on the bed and rubbed your arms. He grabbed a fresh set of pajamas and quickly changed in the bathroom. When he got out, you were already lying down under the covers. Barba cautiously slid into bed, watching for your reaction. You put your hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. He was real, and this was real. You felt a little more at ease, but tears still fell from your eyes. Barba removed your hand from his chest and placed it beside you.

"How are you so comfortable sleeping with strangers?" Barba asked. 

"Oh, I'm usually not. But I have to pay for men treating me to dinner somehow, ya know? You're different, I guess. It's either I sleep with someone, or I don't sleep at all," you answered.

"You're sleeping tonight. Goodnight, " Barba said, turning away from you. 

"Mr. Barba?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you for everything. I don't deserve you, I really don't, " You thanked. 

Barba turned to face you and looked into your eyes. He gently brushed his fingers against your stitches and over your healing black eye. 

"Get some rest. Goodnight, " Barba said. 

"Goodnight," You yawned. 

Chapter Text

It had been two weeks since Tony's arrest. You felt lighter for the first time in your life. Your past was out of the picture, and you felt like you could start over. Barba let you stay at his place for the past two weeks. He explained that there was an attack at the woman's shelter Benson had suggested. Of course, once you heard the news, you stayed by Barba's side. He didn't mind you were the least stressful part of Barba's day. While at his apartment, you would clean and make dinner despite Barba's late nights. You felt like you owed Barba your life, and you made sure to let him by finding little ways to make his life easy. Every so often, Barba would get home early enough and surprise you with takeout and a dessert. 

"Oh, Barba, you didn't have to do that!" You would exclaim. 

In the mornings, Barba would secretly watch you get ready. On certain mornings he woke up to the sound of a mix of jazz and old romantic music. You would be in the bathroom, dressed for the day, putting on makeup. You were delicate with your face blending in creams and powders he would never know the name of. Barba found this was the only time you were comfortable in your own skin. It was ironic that it was when you were putting on a face. When you would catch Barba staring, you would cover up your unfinished face and say:

"Pardon my bare face. Coffee?"

Barba would look away, wondering if you remembered the night he-or you- kissed for the second time. On his lunch hours, Barba would come home to a sandwich made along with you staring out the window. Barba liked to watch you smile at the birds that got too close to the window. You would tap to warn the words that glass was ahead. You didn't want them to get hurt. 

Unfortunately, Barba knew he couldn't get used to the company. He had been alone for so long he didn't expect to enjoy your presence.
 
"Almost done with the case?" Olivia asked, bringing a cup of coffee to her lips. 

"Rosie and Dolly have been ready. The two in custody are still denying council and reject all appointed to them," Barba said.

"Why are they stalling their own case?" Olivia questioned. 

"Who knows. I'm not complaining. The more they wait, the more I have on them," Barba said. 

"Hey, counselor, want anything?" Sonny asked, waving a menu.

"No, thank you, I'm going home for lunch. Y/n usually makes sandwiches-"

"Oh, have you thought about switching yet?" Olivia asked.

"She's fine. I was listening to the recording again, and Tony knew about the shelter. Did you ever ask him about that?" Barba asked. 

"No, but we could-"

"Good! We could get him for attempt murder if we connect him to the attack," Barba cut off Olivia.

"We'll look into it. But I really think you should trade off with someone," Olivia said.

"I'll ask Y/n about it. But in the meantime, she won't leave my place," Barba shrugged.

"Barba-"

"No, really, she won't leave. I tried everything. I should go," Barba said.

"Why don't you try to bring her down here later? Just baby steps?" Olivia suggested. 

"I'll see what- excuse me," Barba answered his phone with a smile. "Hey -"

"I'm awake? Right?" You asked. 

"Yeah, you're awake," Barba replied. 

"Good! I was taking a five-minute nap, and I thought I was trapped again," You sighed with relief. 

"You're fine. Can I call you back?"

"Wait, can you go grab lunch? We ran out of bread!" You said.

"Yeah, what do you want?"

"Shake Shack!" You smiled.

"Okay, cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate milkshake, right?" Barba remembered. 

"Yup!"

"I'll pick it up. I have to go-"

"Wait, can you ask for extra whip cream?" You asked, using your sweet voice. 

"And an extra cherry, I know. I have to go... bye," Barba said, hanging up his phone.

The squad looked at Barba suspiciously. He went from smiling to his usual stern expression and straightened his stance. Barba prepared himself to fight any accusations the group had.

"You know her Shake Shack order?" Rollins questioned. 

"She asked a few times for the same meal-"

"Yeah, an extra cherry," Sonny raised an eyebrow.

"She likes extra sweets," Barba said, dully.

"Did you buy her a phone?" Olivia asked.

"She needs one just in case you need to contact her. Any more questions?" Barba said, resting his hand on his hip.

"Would you mind if she stayed at any of our places for the night? " Olivia asked, testing Barba.

"Depends if anyone can put up with her kicking and waking up from nightmares," Barba said.

"All right then," Olivia nodded.

"I'm only thinking about what is best for my client!" Barba defended himself. 

"Sure, she's just your 'client'!" Sonny teased.

"She is!" Barba snapped.

"Okay, ask her about moving for a bit. I don't want you to be a target," Olivia said.

"I will..."
 
Barba didn't let people in this quickly. He barely started warming up to Olivia and the rest of the S.V.U. squad. But with you, he was letting his guard down faster than usual. You were so kind and sweet. You acted naive, despite being put through hell. That's what he liked about you. You were damaged, hurt, confused, but still sweet and gentle.

"Y/n-"

"You're home! " you smiled.

You grabbed the bag of food from Barba's hands and placed it on the table. Barba followed with two milkshakes in his hands. He was warmed that you greeted him like he had been gone for a lifetime. He placed them down and sat down beside you, admiring your joy over a simple meal. 

"Thank you! " you grinned.

Barba loved the way you thanked him for every little thing. It made him feel appreciated for the first time in his life. He noticed how your soft lips curved around the straw and sip your milkshake. You took out the straw and licked the whipped cream off the bottom of the straw. 

"You need something, Barba?" you asked.

Barba blushed and dropped his head. He knew you caught him staring. The fact his mind began to wander back to your soft lips made him realize it was time to let you go.

"Y/n, I need to talk to you," Barba began.

Halfway through a bite of your cheeseburger, you nodded and listened attentively. 

"The trial is soon, and I need you to prep for the testimony."

"Okay," You said. 

"I also went by the precinct for a bit, and Olivia suggested you move locations. Just in case they figure out you're staying here," Barba explained.

"Oh..." you said, putting down your cheeseburger. 

"You've been a nice help around the house," Barba said.

"Yeah..."

"It's a precaution. It's for your own safety until the trial is over and Tony is gone-"

"What if he gets away?" You asked. 

"He won't. I'll make sure he won't-"

"I keep having a dream where he gets to walk away, and I'm trapped again. I call out for help, and no one-"

"You'll be fine. I'm going to make sure Tony stays locked for a very long time," Barba reassured. 

"Okay... Mr. Barba?"

 "Yes?"

"I also dream you kiss me," you said. 

Barba's face turned even redder as he took a bite of his meal. Her drunk night might have been confusing for her, but she couldn't think he kissed her.

"Just a dream. I have to get back to the office. You think about leaving for a while, okay?"

"What's going to happen after all this is over?" You asked. 

Barba paused. This girl had no place to go. No friends or family near. And with her issues, he didn't think a roommate would put up with her. She was just a client. He could ask Olivia for more home references or have Carmen look some up, and that's it. She was just a client.

"Mr. Barba, thank you for everything," you said.

You kissed Barba's cheek as another way to say thanks. Barba packed his food back into the bag. He grabbed the bag and headed towards the door. She was just a client.

Chapter Text

"Are you sure you'll be okay? " Barba asked for the tenth time.

"Yes, I don't want you to get hurt because of me," you said.

"They haven't found you yet."

"I know. Thank you for everything, " you thanked.

"Of course," Barba said, giving a little smile.

He helped you back to the precinct, where Sonny was waiting with Olivia.

"Seems empty," Barba said. 

"We called it a night," Olivia replied.

"Only one bag?" Sonny asked.

"I don't own much," you said shyly.

"Barba, can I have a word? " Olivia asked.

"Sure. Wait here for Olivia -"

"Actually, she's bunking with me," Sonny said.

"Excuse me?" Barba said, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Barba, my office," Olivia repeated. 

"So, I heard you like karaoke, " Sonny said, turning to you.

"What is this about?" Barba questioned.

"The case... and Y/n-"

"I got it under control-"

"It's been two weeks!" Olivia exclaimed. 

 "I like to make sure I have all the facts. You know my process-"

"But it doesn't take two weeks. You have Rosie and Dolly ready for the stand, and Tony and Marco are playing dumb, saying they don't need a lawyer. So why not prosecute them now? And I'm sure Y/n is more than ready to testify with the amount of time she has spent with you!"

"I haven't prepped her yet," Barba admitted.

"Have you asked yourself why?"

Barba flashed his green eyes at Olivia. 

"Nothing is going on between us. I admit I may have let myself get attached, but once the trial is over, she's gone," Barba said.

"I'm not asking you to get rid of her-"

"Then what are you asking?" Barba interrupted. 

"Be careful, " Olivia warned.

Barba made his way back to his office to prepare questions for Y/n. He hadn't been stalling, but he knew putting together this case was taking longer than usual. Maybe it was the lunch breaks with her and getting home earlier just to make sure you ate. No, this wasn't his fault. The two men were stalling their own trial. The plan was now to prep you tomorrow, and the next day take it to court. This wasn't like Barba. He knew he had to stop. 

"Mr. Barba," said a voice.

Barba looked up to see an unfamiliar face. The man was slightly tall, squared face with his black graying hair slicked back. 

"I'm Tootell. I will be representing Anthony Zenger and Marco Rollas. I understand that they are both waiting for their trial," the man said. 

"Both men refused council, and the judge has graciously given them however long they need to make their case. I planned to go to trial the day after tomorrow," Barba explained. 

"I see," Tootell said. He walked around Barba's office, examining the books and sitting at the edge of his table.

"Why did they suddenly call for a lawyer?" Barba asked. 

"Boys realized they couldn't defend themselves, so they called me. Now, why don't we have a little talk?" Tootell smiled.

"I'm listening," Barba said. 

"We both know Anthony is guilty as can be. But Marco is innocent-"

"He assisted the rape of Rosie-"

"That girl has it all wrong! Now we can get Mr. Zenger for all his crimes, but Marco is innocent!" Tootell argued.

"He may have found a way to not leave his DNA over the victim, but she knows who raped her," Barba said. 

"And what does that Y/n think of my client?" Tootell interrupted. 

Barba tilted his head and shot a glare. Tootell smiled, seeing he hit a nerve.

"Sweet girl, from what Marco told me. He would defend Miss Y/n when Mr. Zenger got rough," Tootell winked.

"Are you trying to make a deal?" Barba spat, changing the subject.

"Sure! An excellent idea!" Tootell said, crossing his arms.

"Don't mock me."

"Let's say you convince Miss Madeline to drop the charges on Marco and let Mr. Zenger take full blame," Tootelll negotiated. 

"No, both of them raped her both of them are-"

"So the previous deal made means nothing?"

"I promised I would drop the attempt murder charges, but the rape still stands!" Barba said, his voice rising. 

"Mr. Barba, I'm giving a warning. I am not afraid to pull out every card I have-"

"Seems to me like you're hiding some," Barba interrupted.

"Well, I can't show you all my magic tricks, can I? One last time. Marco goes free, Anthony stays behind bars. That's what Y/n would want," Tootell said.

Barba sat back in his chair and thought about the deal. He recalled you sincerely defending Marco while he was arrested. You also mentioned he would help you after you were beaten. How could Tootell know this? Barba rubbed his face thinking things over. Why now? Out of all times, why did those two lawyer up?

"No," Barba said.

"All right, I gave you a chance. See you tomorrow, Mr. Barba. Open that letter," Tootell said, leaving the office. 

Barba remembered the letter he received from the court that he hadn't opened yet. He sighed and realized it was a notice that the trial was tomorrow. How could he stall this long? How did Tootell know that you thought Marco was innocent? Unless you told.

Of course! You made him stall and lose focus. He also didn't prep you, and while stayed in his home, you were able to pass information about the trial to Tootell! Barba felt betrayed. But why do all this for Marco? It didn't matter at the moment. If he could get you to open up about personal matters, he could get you to confess.

        * * *

You and Carisi ate a delicious meal he cooked. Carisi was sweet and really funny. You enjoyed singing with him on a karaoke machine from his youth. You could tell he wasn't much of a singer, but you enjoyed a singing partner none the less. 

"Barba is calling you!" Carisi said, handing you your phone Barba generously loaned you.

"Hey! Barba-"

"Anthony and Marco decided to get a lawyer," Barba interrupted.

 "Oh... what does -"

"Have you visited Marco and Tony?" Barba questioned.

"No! Why would I-"

"Did you tell anyone that you thought Marco was innocent? " Barba raised his voice.

"No! What is this about?" You asked nervously.

"I let you in my home! I didn't have to let you stay! I could have taken you back to that shelter, and you could have been hurt-"

"Wait, you think I told someone I was staying with you?" You said in disbelief. 

"Is everything all right? " Carisi asked, overhearing the conversation.

"I-"

"Marco raped a girl, don't you think she deserves justice too?" Barba spoke roughly.

"Barba-"

Sonny looked out his apartment window and noticed an unfamiliar car parked on the side. It was black with tinted windows way beyond the legal limit.

"How did the lawyer know? You need to be honest with me now! You can't lie in court!" Barba continued to yell over the phone.

"I'm not lying to you! Why would I?" You cried.

"Once I'm gone, you need another place to stay and a meal ticket. Marco is your next-"

"You're not a meal ticket! Barba-"

Sonny watched two men get out of the car. They were dressed in all black and hard to make out. One got onto the roof of the car with what looked like a gun. Sonny slowly backed away from the window as the person aimed towards him.

"You don't understand! Barba-"

"Get down!" Sonny shouted.

He tackled you down as the window shattered. He shielded you with his body as the glass flew everywhere. You covered your ears, attempting to muffle the sound of gunshots. 

"Y/n?" Barba said, hearing the glass shatter from the phone.

"Stay down!" Carisi ordered. 

He slowly got up, grabbing his gun from the nearby desk. He leaned against the window and peeked out the tattered curtain. The car was gone. 

You slowly got up, dusting the glass off you. You noticed a brick with an envelope attached to it on the floor by the window. You stepped around the glass, ignoring Sonny's warnings to stay back. You picked up the brick and took off the envelope. You opened it and found pictures of you and Barba in his apartment. You gasped as you looked at a picture of you kissing Barba's cheek.

"You okay? What's that?" Sonny asked.

He looked over the pictures with you. Most of them were innocent until a picture of you kissing Barba the second night you were over. His hands were on your waist, your arms wrapped around him. Carisi turned to you curiously. You turned the photo around and read the words ' move carefully'.  Your body began to shake as you put down the envelope. 

"I'll call Liv, don't touch anything! This is a crime scene now! Y/n- y/n?" 

"I am a burden," You said under your breath.

"No, you're in shock its- is Barba still on?"

Carisi picked up the phone as you sat down in the glass.

"Counselor?" Carisi said into the phone.

"What the hell happened?" Barba yelled.

"Your girlfriend and I were attacked-"

"She's not my-"

"Well, pictures say different!" Carisi exclaimed. 

"Pictures?" Barba said, confused.

"Yeah... you should come over," Carisi said.

Olivia showed up with a few police and another detective. Barba showed up ten minutes after Olivia, startled at the scene.

"Hey, counselor, " Sonny greeted. 

"What happened?" Barba asked.

"You were on the phone with Y/n, and then this black car shows up, shoots my window! They left this," Sonny explained, handing Barba the envelope. 

"What is this?" Barba asked. 

"Look. I think you have a stalker," Carisi said. 

Barba looked through the pictures and sighed. 

"I've gotten worse. Is Y/n okay?" Barba said, looking around at the glass.

"She's fine. Listen, Counselor, I don't like to pry-"

"Then don't," Barba snapped.

"Barba did you-"

 "I saw the pictures. Keep them for evidence. They might still have fingerprints," Barba said, trying to brush Carisi off.

He handed the pictures and envelope back to Carisi. 

"Too late, Counselor. Y/n and I have already touched them. Barba, you should check your place for bugs-"

"I know what I need to do, thank you. Where's Y/n?" Barba asked.

"She doesn't want to talk-"

"Where is she?" Barba pressed.

"In my room," Carisi gave in.

You sat on Carisi's bed, empty and afraid. You stared at a wall rubbing your thighs repeatedly. The repeated movement helped keep your breath steady and your mind from overthinking.

"Y/n, are you okay? "Barba asked. 

You continued to stare at the wall, unresponsive and cold.

"Y/n-"

"I'm so sorry," You managed to stay.

"There isn't something to be sorry about. This isn't your fault," Olivia said, joining Barba.

"I shouldn't have gone to your house that night. I am so sorry," You said, barely audible. 

"So you did set me up?" Barba questioned. 

"No! I wouldn't do that to you! Barba, you have helped me so much. I wouldn't hurt you!" You said, turning to face Barba.

Your eyes watered once you saw the disappointed look on his face.

"You better start telling me what you know now because when we're in that court tomorrow, I can only do so much," Barba sneered.

"Wait, it's tomorrow?" Sonny asked, joining the group.

"Yes, they got a lawyer. He came into my office tonight and said information only me, you, and the detectives would know!" Barba said. His last words turned more fierce as he turned to you. 

You sighed and remembered picking up some mail for Barba and opening a letter to find a disturbing note. You rummaged through your purse and pulled out an envelope containing the message, and handed it to Barba. Your hands shook as he snatched it from your hands.

"I didn't want to show you this... you seemed so busy I didn't want to bother you," you said.

"So we're going to trial tomorrow? I'll call Rosie and Dolly, make sure they're ready," Olivia said.

Barba read over the threat and folded it in half.

"You kept this from me?" Barba questioned.

"Yes, I didn't want to stress you out-"

"Anything else you're not telling me?" Barba continued to interrogate. 

"I- I found a thingy in my bag that records stuff-"

"You found bugs, and you didn't tell me!" Barba growled.

 "I destroyed them! I didn't know what to do! I still don't!" You tried to explain.

"You're going to show up to court tomorrow, tell the truth, and hope that lawyer doesn't realize you're a sucker! And whatever you thought this was-" Barba snatched the photo of you two kissing from Carisi's hands. He waved it in front of your face, then ripped it "-is over. Goodnight!"

Barba stormed out of Sonny's apartment with Olivia tailing behind. You felt too numb to shed another tear. Your chest ached, and your stomach turned. You stared at the ripped photo on the floor, too weak to pick it up.

"Hey, it's okay," Sonny said calmly. "Why don't you get your things, and we'll get a hotel?"

"I messed up big time," You whispered. 

"You really care about Barba? " Sonny asked.

You nodded 'yes' reluctantly with your eyes still on the picture. Sonny picked up the ripped photo and gently placed it in your hands. You looked drunk but in love. He looked confused but empathetic. You held up the torn picture to your gaze, looking at the way Barba held you. You just wanted him to hold you in bed again. The waterworks kicked in as you choked on a sob. Sonny always felt sorry for victims, especially with crazy cases like this. He never thought anyone would get this emotionally involved with a case. No one could ever guess Barba would be the one to fall.

"Barba, what's going on?" Olivia questioned. 

"None of your concern," Barba said, shortly.

"It is now! Is it the threats again?"

"Wow, you solved the mystery! Want a Scooby snack?" Barba said sarcastically.

"You don't have to get snarky with me," Olivia fought back.

"This is none of your concern!" Barba continued to snap.

"Y/n is now a target, and so are you! We need to find out who these people are and what they want. It's only going to get worse," Olivia said.

"I have a case to finish," Barba said, leaving Olivia on the steps of the apartment building.

"Barba! You know if this gets out of hand, again you can call me," Olivia shouted.

 "I know. Goodnight, Olivia," Barba waved.

Once Barba returned home, he felt a rush of loneliness and sudden dread. He plopped onto his couch and opened the envelope you gave him once more. He read the threat and ignored most of it until the last few sentences. 

You will let Marco go free. I am not afraid to pull out every card I have. Your move. 

"All right then, " Barba sighed.

He was prepared for the worst. Barba could get Tony and Marco for conspiracy, but that would be a stretch. Who knows what would be pulled out in court. This was going to be a very long trial. 

Your move

Barba reread. 

Chapter Text

The next morning was chaos. Barba made sure Rosie and Dolly were ready to testify while Olivia and Amanda calmed them down. You and Sonny were nowhere to be found, causing the poor A.D.A. to panic. Barba didn't want to use you in court. You have proven yourself unreliable and untrustworthy. Barba also dreaded the kiss being brought up in court.

"I don't know if I can face him again," Dolly cried.

"Relax, you are going to be fine, " Olivia reassured. 

"What if they use the video of us kissing?" Dolly panicked.

"You may have consented to a kiss, but no means no," Barba said, pacing. 

"Where is Carisi?" Rollins asked.

"No idea," Olivia said.

"Hey, Liv!" Sonny came rushing in with you by his side and a coffee in hand.

"Where have you been? Court starts in five minutes," Barba questioned.

"She didn't have any nice clothes. I'm sure we don't want her looking like she just came from the club," Sonny said.

"Is it all right? " you asked. 

Barba examined your outfit. You wore a burgundy figure-fitting dress with the hem slightly past the knee with long sleeves and a sweetheart neckline. You didn't have your usual club makeup on, a nude lipstick with brightening eyeshadow. You looked sweet and flattering. Barba found himself staring at your lips but quickly shook it off.

"At least she doesn't look like a hooker," Barba said. 

The smile faded from your face as you looked down in shame.

"You look fine. Are you ready to testify?" Olivia asked.

"I'll say whatever you need me to," you answered.

"I just want the truth, I'm calling up Miss Park first. Be ready," Barba glared.

 *dun dun*

Barba was his usual self once in the court. Swift, cunning, mostly to the point and asserting his dominant presence. You couldn't help but have that same feeling again the first time you saw him. The way he paced and kept his professional air all while captivating the jury and subsequently you.

"Now, did you consent to Mr. Zenger taking you home?" Barba questioned. 

"Yes," Rosie answered. 

"But, did he drive you home?"

"No. Anthony drove me to his apartment, and there he pinned me down and... he raped me," Dolly said.

"Did you tell him to stop?" Barba asked.

"Yes, I told him I wanted to go home, and he didn't listen," Dolly said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Thank you, no further questions."

As Barba sat down, Tootell rose, running his fingers through his slicked hair and smirking. 

"Miss Park, let's get right to it. So, you and my client Mr. Zenger were at the bar having a few drinks. That is correct?" Tootell began. 

"Yes-"

"And you wanted him to take you home? "

"Yes-"

"To do what exactly?"

"I wanted a ride home. I was too drunk to drive," Dolly explained.

"Why didn't you call a cab? Or an uber nowadays?"

"It didn't occur to me at the time," Dolly admitted. 

"So you wanted Mr. Zenger to take you home and didn't expect anything more?"

"I didn't -"

"Well, you seemed to want something more in the bar," Tootell turned on a screen in the room, showing the picture of her and Anthony kissing.

"I was drunk! I didn't know what I was doing!" Dolly cried.

"But, you knew you wanted him to take you home-"

"Objection!" Barba shouted.

"I'm getting there, Mr. Barba! Miss Park, are you sure you didn't intend to have Mr. Zenger take you home and have consensual intercourse?"

"No-"

"But you did claim you were drunk, and you didn't know what you were doing?" Tootell interrogated. 

"Objection! Putting words into the witnesses-"

"Withdrawn. When Mr. Zenger took you to his apartment, did you object?" Tootell asked.

"I wanted to go home!" Dolly exclaimed.

"Let me rephrase that. Did you consensually enter Mr. Zenger's apartment?"

"I- I did. I didn't realize-"

"Let me guess? You were too drunk to realize you were in a foreign place? Could you have also been intoxicated enough to not realize you consented to rough sex?"

"Your honor-"

"She will answer, Mr. Barba," the judge declared. 

"I don't remember-"

"No further questions," Tootell said.

 Barba stood back up and approached Dolly. 

"Did you say yes to having sex?" He asked. 

"No," Dolly answered, tears streaming down her face. 

"Did Mr. Zenger pin you down and force you to have sex?"

"Yes."

"No further questions," Barba said, walking back to his desk. 
 
Rosie was next. You realized this was the other woman- Tony's other girlfriend. She looked pretty, a little more mature than you. You wondered if he would hit her or if this rape was her first time. 

"You feeling okay? " Sonny whispered to you.

You nodded and took a sip of the frappucino he bought you. You felt shaky and nauseous suddenly. Your heart quickened as Rosie swore on the Bible, you quietly exited the courtroom in a panic. Sonny curiously followed, making sure to not disturb the court. 

"Hey, what's the matter?" Sonny asked.

You vomited into a nearby trash can your legs shook as you held on to the rim for support. Sonny rubbed your back soothingly until you stopped and had nothing more to throw up.

"Hey... It's okay. Take it easy! You're throwing up like a pregnant woman," Sonny said.

You looked up at Sonny with tears in your eyes. His expression turned from sympathetic to concerned. He sat you down at a bench and knelt, looking you in the eye.

"How far along are you?" Sonny asked.

"Two months... I didn't even know... I found out when I went to the hospital after the thing. They told me, but I fell back asleep, and I thought it was a dream. I got a pregnancy test, and it was positive. Don't tell anyone, please! I can't -"

"It's okay. Does Barba know?" Sonny asked.

"No! He can't! Don't tell anyone. Please! I'll be fine on my own! I don't -"

"It's Tony's, isn't it?"

"Yes... I want this to be over. I'll be fine," you said.

"If you need a place to stay for a while after this, call me, okay?" Sonny offered, grabbing your hands.

"Okay," You sighed.
 

"And how long have you been dating him?" Barba asked Rosie. 

"For a while. About a month," Rosie answered. 

"And have you consented to sex before?"

"Yes."

"And why was this time different?"

"I was not in the mood. I was tired, and Anthony had his friend-"

"Can you point out this 'friend' to the court?" Barba asked. 

"Yes, it's him!" Rosie said, pointing at Marco.

"Let the record reflect that Miss Madeline is pointing out Marco Diaz. Please continue."

"Marco was there, and he wanted to do a three-way, but I said no. So, Anthony pushed me onto the bed, held me down. When I fought back, he stabbed my leg and raped me."

"Thank you. No further questions," Barba said.

Now it was Tootells turn. He grinned as if he already won the case approaching the stand. 

"So, Miss Madaline, you have been in a stable relationship with Mr. Zenger for a month?" Tootell asked.

"Yes," Rosie answered. 

"And everything up to that point was consensual?"

"Yes."

"How did you two meet, exactly? " Tootell asked.

"Well..." Rosie paused and looked off into the distance. 

Tootell grinned wider as he walked back to his desk and picked up a file.

"What do you do for a living?" Tootell asked.

"Objection, relevance? " Barba said. 

"Get on with it, Mr. Tootell," The judge said.

"Of course. So, when Mr. Zenger 'raped' you, are you sure it wasn't apart of a job?" Tootell said, showing the jury a picture of Rosie on a street corner in a revealing outfit.

Rosie gasped and shot up from the stand. Her chest heaved up and down as the jurors looked at each other in shock.

"That was before! He stabbed me! He was going to hurt me because I didn't want to be broken in!" Rosie cried.

"Order! Please sit down!" the judge commanded. 

"Your honor, can we have a brief recess? " Barba asked.

"Thirty minutes, Mr. Barba!" the judge granted.
 
Barba and the rest of the team lead Rosie into an empty room. Barba furiously slammed the door behind him and turned to Rosie.

"You're a prostitute?" Barba asked, bewildered.

"I was... I am... I -"

"Why didn't you tell us?" Benson asked.

"Would you have believed me? Would you even take my case?" Rosie said harshly.

"Yes, he stabbed you, Rosie. He hurt you-"

"The question is, what else are you not telling us?" Barba asked. 

"I... I met Anthony by working. I was under a greedy pimp, but I met him, and he said he would buy me out. After a while, we were going steady, and my pimp got mad. Anthony and Marco threatened him by saying they know this guy, and he backed off. After a month with him, I wasn't working until Anthony mentioned he and Marco knew a guy that would pay me better. I said I wasn't interested, but Anthony didn't take no for an answer. He said to break me in! He had to see if I could handle three ways, and I tried to fight back-" Rosie cried into her hands. 

Barba sighed, rubbing his temples as Benson comforted Rosie.

"I'm sorry I was a waste of time. I don't think-"

"Rosie, no matter what you are, he still hurt you. You still have the right to testify," Benson said. 

"The jury won't think she's credible, given she's a prostitute," Barba said under his breath.

"We still have Y/n's testimony. We can bring her up," Rollins said.

"Where is she?" Fin asked. 

"She left the court with Carisi. Let's go-"

"Counselor, " Carisi said, entering the room, interrupting Rollins.

"Great, where's Y/n?" Barba asked. 

"I don't think she can testify today," Carisi said.

"And why not?"

"She's... not feeling well. She's in the bathroom," Sonny said.

"Carisi, we need her to testify today to still have the case, " Benson said.

"Isn't the jury good with their stories?" Carisi asked.

"They may not be. We need Y/n's story to show Anthony's dark side," Barba explained. 

"Can it wait till tomorrow? The poor girl is throwing up," Sonny pleaded.

"I'll see what I can do," Barba sighed.

"I'm sorry," Rosie apologized. 

"There's no need to be," Benson reassured. 

"Tell Y/n to feel better quick. I doubt the judge will want another recess," Barba said.
 
After a hard battle over another recess, Tootell left the courtroom with the same grin on his face. Barba sighed as he packed his belongings, ready to meet with the judge to see about adding the conspiracy charges onto the case. If Tootell was going to play dirty might as well add that card to the game. Then again, those photos of you two kissing might be brought into court. Maybe he could get by with just the note and the attempted attack at the women's shelter. Of course not. Barba knew better.

"Mr. Barba! Do you still need me?" You asked, entering the courtroom. 

"Tomorrow, we're at a recess," Barba answered.

"Oh, okay. The room is spinning!" You said, holding your hand to your head.

"Sit down, " Barba said, pulling his chair out for you.

"Thank you. My heart is racing. I'm not used to all the caffeine. Oh, gosh!" You gasped.

"What's the matter?" Barba asked.

"I'm fine! I'm fine..." You trailed off. 

Barba grumbled as he poured you a glass of water. You looked pale and a bit sweaty. The pressure must be too much for you. So sweet and naïve. Barba loved the way you still smiled at him even though you looked like hell slipped you a disease. 

"Mr. Barba," you spoke up.

"I'm sorry, I have to meet with the judge," Barba said.

He wanted to leave before Tootell got to the judge. He really wanted to leave the room before he let his guard down again.

"Okay," You said breathly.

"Why don't you stay here? I'll come back and prep you for tomorrow," Barba said. 

"I got nowhere else to go," You smiled.

"I'll be back," Barba nodded and headed off. 

Barba left with that last comment stinging his ears. He couldn't trust you again. You could have set up the bugs to take the pictures. You could be setting him up for all he knew. At the same time, you seemed too innocent and sincere when you were defending yourself last night. It could all be a bluff. One thing for sure Barba was going to do whatever it took to get you out of his mind as long as he was on the case. But what about after?
You having lunch and dinner with him every day again. Coffee all ready set in the morning with a little note next to the mug. A sweet voice, telling him good night as you wrapped your arms around him. It was odd how quickly you felt comfortable with him and stranger- how quickly he let his guard down in that time you were together. Now there was no time for that. Barba wished he could have that again but, he knew even after the trial it would be suspicious. 
He had a spotless reputation to keep, no matter what came his way. He handled the hard cases. He was respected and one of the most successful lawyers he knew. A girl like this could ruin him. 

Barba entered the judge's office, Tootell had a file in his hand. The judge was holding a copy of the pictures that crashed through Sonny's apartment. Tootell greeted Barba with a wink and a smile while the judge looked up with a disappointed look.

"Mr. Barba," the judge said.

For all Barba knew, he was a ruin.

Chapter Text

Barba stood in line for a cart while the sun began to warm up his chilled cheeks and nose. The morning was cold, but as the afternoon rolled in, the warming sun brought a little life to the courthouse. 

"Barba, what happened?" Benson asked, approaching him with Sonny by her side.

"They want a miss trial-"

"Miss trial? We have them good for the rapes! Who cares if one of them was a prostitute-"

"She's not credible anymore. It's hard enough with the bar video of Dolly and Tony kissing," Barba interrupted Sonny. 

"So, we still have him for the attempted rape and abuse of Y/n," Olivia reminded Barba. 

"That's where it gets better," Barba said sarcastically. 

"What do you-"

"Tootell had the pics of Y/n kissing me. He claims N.Y.P.D. and I have a vendetta against Tony," Barba explained.

"How did he get those photos? " Sonny asked. 

"I don't know. I was gonna ask Y/n," Barba replied.

"Listen, Counselor, I know you and Y/n have some issues and relationship problems, but she wouldn't sell you out."

"Really?" Barba said, raising an eyebrow.

"We can ask her a few questions when she gets here. Isn't it odd that Tootell was able to get those photos?" Olivia said.

"That's why I brought up and explained the recent harassment against me. I went for the conspiracy charges, but Tootell said that since I seem too attached to this case, that it should be a miss trial. I then went for the exclusionary rule. The judge bought it, but without accusing him of breaking the law (which Tootell denied) the evidence could be mentioned if absolutely necessary and relevant," Barba explained.

"He can't use the pictures -"

"But he can still try to call me out... yeah," Barba interrupted Olivia.

"So, that's it? We just let this go to waste?" Sonny said in defeat. 

"It's not over yet," Barba huffed.
"Detectives! Mr. Barba!" You smiled, walking up to them in your outfit from yesterday. 

"Hey, Y/n! How ya feeling? " Sonny smiled back.

"Better! I hate mornings now. Do you still need me to testify?" You asked.

"Yes, and we need to ask you a couple of questions, " Benson said.

"Oh, sure! Anything!"

Barba noticed the light in your eyes as you continued to talk to the detectives, especially Sonny. He grabbed his bagel and coffee and watched as you batted your eyes whenever you made eye contact with Sonny. He wasn't jealous, just curious at your sudden bond.

"Let's go into the courthouse to talk about this, okay?" Benson said.

"All right!" You beamed.
 
They took you into an empty room and closed the door behind. Barba made sure not to squeeze the coffee in his hand as you smiled at the detectives. How could you be happy right now?

"So Mr. Barba was talking with the other lawyer and the judge, " Benson began.

"Is everything okay?" You asked, leaning against a wall.

"No, they want a miss trial, " Barba said sharply.

"What's-"

"They have the pictures of you kissing me," Barba cut you off.

"How did they get that? You had them last, right? Wait, didn't you tear one up?" You panicked.

"They had another copy," Barba replied bitterly.

"How did they get that?" You asked. 

"I don't know. You had the bugs in your purse," Barba said, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Counselor," Sonny warned.

"You still think I have something to do with this? Why would I?" You fumed. 

"At first, you believed Tony was innocent even though he beat you. You then believe Marco was innocent-"

"That's enough! Y/n we just want the truth," Benson tried to calm you both down. 

"I am telling the truth! When I found those things in my purse, I destroyed them! I didn't want to bother you with it. You were so busy with this case! Sonny said to push aside my feelings, and when I finally listen, I pay for it? I thought I had feelings for a strong, hard-working man who had a sense of self and intelligence beyond anyone else. I thought that was beautiful... my mistake! " you said, storming out of the room.

Barba was utterly shocked, but he didn't let it show. Benson turned to Barba with a surprised expression as Barba continued to sip his coffee.

"I'll go get her. It's been a rough morning," Sonny said. 

"You made quite the impression on her," Benson said.

"You'd be surprised," Barba said, watching you leave with Sonny. 

"So... do you feel any of this back?"

Barba thought about it, did he like her back? Did he genuinely have feelings for this girl? She was sweet and kind. But at the same time, she was a wreck. He was too, but she seemed to not care or notice his little flaws. Then again, he hid everything so well.

"No," Barba said.

That felt like a lie, but it would have to be the answer for now. 

"You're going to have to convince the judge that. You can always come to talk to me about different feelings when this is over," Olivia offered. 

"Thank you," Barba said. 

"I'm going to check -"

"Go ahead," Barba nodded.

This was a mess, to begin with. To think it all started with you complimenting Barba's eyes. You loved his eyes. Barba smiled, thinking about moments he caught you staring at them and then turning away, blushing once you were caught. You had your quirks, and so did he. Now, to convince the judge not to have a miss trial and then the jury to send these bastards away.
 
Benson caught up with Carisi outside the women's bathroom. He looked stressed and a bit anxious.

"Hey, is she okay?" Benson asked.

"Fine, been having mood swings all morning. Rollins said it's normal!" Carisi answered. 

"What's normal?"

Sonny looked as if he just been caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Don't tell Barba this, okay?"

"Okay?" Benson tilted her head.

"Y/n is pregnant -"

"With his?!" Benson exclaimed, pointing towards the empty room.

"Oh, god no! With Tony's! She's two months in. I think it's best if we don't tell Barba and we keep this hushed up. If he finds out, they can really use it as a motive to let them free and more evidence for their vendetta," Sonny said.

"You're right, you're right," Benson sighed.

"You don't know about this either. Y/n trusted me to keep her secret."

"All right. Did she say anything else?" Benson asked.

"No. The pictures! I bet you those two knuckleheads planted the bugs or had someone do it for them!" 

"Evidence, Carisi-"

"Yeah, I know. Did you ever get anything on the women's shelter attack?" Carisi asked.

"No, everything was cleaned by the time we got there. Plus, no one saw anything," Benson said. 

"Right."

"Detective Carisi, I'm so sorry," you apologized, walking out of the bathroom. 

"Hey, it's okay, you're okay," Benson said soothingly. "Look, I know you and Mr. Barba are not on good terms right now, but-"

"I will still testify. I know the other girls didn't go so well. This isn't just about me," you said.

"That's right, thank you for understanding," Benson smiled.

"Thank you, detective Benson. So, when do we start?"

   * dun dun. *

"Miss Y/n, you have been with Mr. Zenger for how long now?"

"Almost three years," you answered Barba from the witness stand.

"And in that time, how would you describe your relationship?"

"It was fine at first. Until he would hit me and use me..." You answered, avoiding everyone's eyes.

"You have made a report previously and dropped charges. Why is that?" 

"I thought it was a one-time thing at first. I thought if I stayed good and loyal that he would stop. So I dropped the charges," You explained.

"Did he ever stop?"

"No..."

Barba showed pictures of the recent damage that Tony has inflicted on you. Some of the jurists lightly gasped at the photos of the cigarette burns and bruises. You looked over to Tony and Marco wanting to see their reaction to the jury. Marco looked worried and sympathetic towards you, while Tony seemed smug.

"Did you ever tell him to stop?" Barba asked. 

"Yes," You answered bluntly.

"And what would he do when you did?"

"He would gag me or burn me telling me to shut up."

"And did Marco ever witness the beatings?" Barba asked.

"Yes..."

"Did he try to stop it?"

"Sometimes... but he gave up after a while, knowing Tony wouldn't stop. After Tony hit me, Marco usually offers me ice or helps me up-"

"So, Mr. Zenger's behavior was normal?"

"Yes... I hoped he would be nice and I would do anything to please him. I hoped for the best when I was with him and made it seem like everything was okay. I didn't think he would hurt me like this last time I saw him," You said.

"And this last time... when you arrived at his hiding spot, he attempted to rape you-"

"Objection, your honor!" Tootell yelled.

"The witness will answer, Mr. Tootell," the judge said.

"Yes... I never thought he would, after all, that time with him," you said.

"Why didn't you leave?" Barba asked. 

"I had nowhere else to go. If I really left, I wouldn't have a place to stay. I don't have any friends left," You answered.

"Thank you. No further questions."

Tootell rose with a hefty sigh as he approached you. 

"Miss Y/n, you claim Mr. Zenger would beat you, is that correct?"

"Yes," You answered Tootell.

"And you were hesitant to report to the police until recently?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"After a while, I didn't think they would help. I was afraid and-"

"So could you say the N.Y.P.D. gave you hope, courage to finally report?"

"Yes-"

"And could you also say they very carefully persuaded you to cooperate and plot against my clients -"

"Objection-"

"I'll rephrase. Did the N.Y.P.D. make you feel comfortable?"

"Yes," You hesitantly answered.

"Comfortable enough to get you to report your injuries and maybe set up a vendetta against Tony-"

"Objection!"

"All I'm saying is without you, they have no credible evidence against my clients-"

"Your honor-"

"Withdrawn!" Tootell smirked. 

This man was intimidating as hell! He stepped towards you, and the closer he was, the more you smelled the cheap cologne like Tony used to wear. You remembered certain nights Tony would wear it, and you would ask where he was going. He would slap you as a response and tell you to keep out of his business.  

"Miss Y/n?" Tootell called. 

"Yes! I'm here! I'm sorry," you said, the scent sending a shiver down your spine.

"Did the N.Y.P.D. tell you to bring a knife and napkin containing the DNA of Miss Park?" Tootell asked.

"Yes-"

"How exactly did you get that evidence?"

"Tony had a knife and told me to wash it. So I did-"

"So, you tampered with evidence?" Tootell stopped you.

"I didn't mean to! I had no idea-"

"So, there is a possibility that it was just a regular knife? Mr. Zegner may have asked you to do a simple chore?"

"I didn't look like a regular knife. It was wrapped in a bloody napkin, and I-"

"The one the police told you to bring in, am I correct?" 

"Your honor, is this going anywhere?" Barba asked. 

"I'm getting there. How exactly was N.Y.P.D. so specific on evidence? You seemed so sure about what to bring. Did the N.Y.P.D. place the napkin at your apartment-"

"Your honor-"

"No, they didn't," You snapped.

"Hmm..." Tootell turned to Barba then back to you with a new shine in his eye. "It seems to me you and Mr. Barba are on the same page-"

"We're just friends! I mean, I'm nothing to him. Just a client," you said. 

You looked at Tony and noticed the sudden jealously in his eyes. You shrunk in your seat and looked towards the wall. You hated when he got jealous, it was the worst. Not only would some poor sap get a taste of his anger, but you would get all the wrath. 

"Miss Y/n, we seem to be losing you," Tootell said.

"Sorry... can you repeat the question?"

"Did Mr. Barba ever encourage you to report the injuries?" Tootell repeated.

"Yes, it's his job, right?" You asked.

"It falls in the line. But did you feel like you were ever more than a job?"

"Your honor, we discussed this yesterday-"

"The jury has a right to know all facts pertaining to this case-"

"That has nothing to do with the case!" Barba shouted.

"Both of you, approach now," the judge ordered.

You shrank further into the stand. Were you answering okay? Barba prepped you, but that seemed useless now. You looked over to Tony once more. He was red with fury as the lawyers finished talking with the judge. 

"Your honor, there is no way that Mr. Tootell could possess these photos without being in line with the ones who spied on my home and took them," Barba fought.

"Your honor, these photos were given anonymously to me in an envelope which I have shown you. The people have a right to know that the N.Y.P.D. and Mr. Barba wouldn't have a case if that girl didn't help with their vendetta!" Tootell argued.

"Objection!" 

"Mr. Barba is right. You cannot use those photos. However, since you seem determined to prove the N.Y.P.D. has a vendetta against your client, you may mention the affair. But don't base your whole argument on it," the judge said.

"Thank you, your honor," Tootell smiled. 

He turned to you once more with a full evil grin. 

"Miss Y/n, let me ask you again, did you ever feel like you were more than a job to Mr. Barba?"

"No -"

"Even though you kissed him?"

You blushed from the reactions of the jury and instinctively looked away, meeting Tony's raging eyes. You turned again, seeing Barba's ashamed and worried face.

"No! I was drunk and stupid! It's not his fault-"

"It's okay! You are a very attractive young lady. No need to feel embarrassed a man is attracted to-"

"He's not! It was all my fault! I was wasted, and I couldn't think clearly. I should have never gone to his home. I should of just- those pictures were taken by some weird spy stuff. How did you get them?"

"Miss Y/n, I'm going to ask you to calm himself," the judge said. 

"Why would Barba have a vendetta against them? They could have been spying-"

"Birdy!" Tony snapped quietly.
"I'm sorry, " you whispered.

"Thank you. I know being on the stand can be difficult. So you were drunk when this happened?" Tootell continued.

"Yes."

"And did Mr. Barba try to stop you from making any further advances?" 

"Yes, I think so," You said.

"Why were you drinking so much that night?" Tootell asked.

"I... I was... celebrating in a way-"

"Celebrating? What was the occasion? "

"I... I was happy that they were going to catch Tony-"

"With your help? "

"Yeah- I thought something bad was going to happen to me. So I was drinking-"

"So you and the N.Y.P.D happily arrested my client?" Tootell cut you off.

"He beat me!" You shouted.

"Are you sure? You didn't cause a fuss before you worked with the detectives- before you met Mr. Barba-"

"Objection!"

"Wrap it up, Mr. Tootell," the judge said. 

"That's all. No further questions," Tooteel said.

    *       *       *

You stood outside the courthouse, smoking a cigarette and occasionally leaving a new burn on your arm. It served as a reminder that if Barba lost the case, it was because of you.

"Hey, you okay?" Sonny asked.

"Fine!" You replied sarcastically.

"Smoking isn't good for the baby," Rollins said.

You remembered Sonny calling Rollins that morning to make sure the excessive vomiting and mood swings were normal. You sighed as you walked to an ashtray putting out the cigarette. You threw your hands in the air in defeat. You didn't care anymore.

"Anything else?" You asked, annoyed.

"You did great for all the pressure that guy was bringing. You really tried to defend us," Sonny said, hoping to make you feel better.

"Yeah, by telling everyone I'm a slut! Nice work!" You said.

"Listen, I know how hard it is to be up there. Most people just answer the questions and let the lawyers bully them. But, you're a fighter-"

"Thank you, Detective Rollins, but I just need to hold my tongue."

"He scared you in there, didn't he? " Rollins asked. 

"Yeah..."

"But you still pushed back! That's amazing!" Carisi smiled.

"How?" You said, crossing your arms. 

"You're healing," Rollins said.

"I- I'm going to walk," You said, brushing the detectives off. 

"Why don't we just go back to the hotel? Come on, I'll grab you something to eat," Sonny offered.

"I-"

You noticed the crowd of reporters swarming Barba as he walked the steps of the courthouse. The words you can make from the buzz were 'scandal', 'lover', and 'no'. Sonny patted your shoulder, urging you to leave the scene. You nodded, taking his lead away from the clicks of cameras and flashing lights. 

"My client has been beaten and nearly raped. Whether her previous actions were out of line or not, she and the others deserve justice. That's all," Mr. Barba said to the press.

You caught the last bit of Barba's speech to the press as Sonny lead you to the car. You were reminded once more that you deserved justice for the terrible things Tony did to you. You deserved justice.

Chapter Text

"Listen, Y/n, I don't think you should go to court today," Sonny said, outside the hotel bathroom door.

"I'm fine," you weakly said from the bathroom.

"You don't have to go. Barba doesn't need you today."

"I said I'm going to the court! " you semi- yelled before vomiting into the toilet. 

"Y/n, stress isn't good for the baby-"

"I don't care I -" you vomited again with the horrible burning acid making your eyes water- "I don't feel good!"

"I know. Just stay here, and I'll get you some ginger ale or something. Okay?"

"Fine," you gave in.

"There's a store down the block, I'll be back!" Sonny said.

"Okay," You said with a raspy voice.

Sonny made his way to a little store and bought you a sprite. Sonny jumped from the buzz in his back pocket as the clerk rang him up.

"Hey, how's y/ n?" Olivia asked from the phone.

"Fine, but she's coughing up three years worth of food," Sonny answered.

"Great! I don't want her at the court then-"

"I know, I 'm just getting her a soda, then I'll head to the court in a-"

Tootell walked into the store confidently. Sonny quickly hung up and finished purchasing the drink, and attempted to make his way out.

"Morning, detective!" Tootell grinned.

"Morning," Sonny greeted.

"It's a bit early for some pop right now," Tootell said, gesturing to the bag.

"It's not for me. A witness has a stomach ache," Sonny replied carefully.

"I heard that Miss Y/n is staying with you in a hotel for the time being. Be careful, detective. That girl charmed Barba. You don't want your job on the line, too," Tootell warned.

Sonny nodded when his phone went off again; this time, it was a call from you. Tootell noticed and gave a little smile while Sonny excused himself. 

"See you in court, detective," Tootell said.

Sonny answered your call cautiously and started heading back to the hotel.

"Detective Carisi -"

"Hey, you did tell anyone that you were staying in a hotel with me? "

"No, who would I have to tell?" You replied.

"Right. Listen, I'm heading back. I really need you to stay put, okay? I'll be right there."

  *     *      *

"You're late!" Barba said as Sonny ran up to the courthouse.

"Sorry, I was checking the room for bugs. Hey, Counselor, that Tootell is a creep!" Sonny said.

"I know. I was able to pull the exclusionary rule... a little too late, but at least things are stricken from the record, " Barba said, sipping his coffee.

"He must have someone spying on us," Sonny said as Olivia joined the two men.

"Carisi," Olivia sighed.

"Liv, something is going on here that we're not looking into," Sonny interrupted.

"We'll deal with it later. It's time to go," Olivia said. 

 *dun dun*

Olivia was already fed up with this lawyer. He previously called Sonny and Fin up to the stand and accused them of making you get the knife with Anthony's DNA on it. He was trying to sell the vendetta idea, and the jury was slowly buying.

"Lieutenant Benson, you and Detective Tutuolia were the first ones to go and inform Miss Y/n that her boyfriend was accused of rape?" Tootell asked.

"Yes," Benson answered Tootell.

"And you also informed her that he allegedly stabbed and rapped another girl?"

"Yes."

"Did you tell her about a knife?"

"No. Y/n said that Anthony came to their apartment with a knife wrapped in a blood-stained napkin. She brought in the knife the next day."

Tootell realized he wouldn't get the story he wanted with Benson and sat down. Barba wanted to make the detectives credible again with Olivia's testimony. It seemed to slightly work, but once Tootell was back with Anthony on the stand. Anthony played with Tootell well. He was remorseful, played the confused card, and was overall a good actor. The jury was eating his performance up.

"Mr. Zegner, why were you at her apartment that night?" Tootell asked Tony. 

"Rosie and I were going to have a few drinks at her place and just spend time with each other," Tony answered.

"Was your friend, Marco Diaz, with you at the time?"

"He stopped by but left. We wanted to be alone."

"When you were alone, what did you do?"

"We had rough consensual sex. Rosie wanted to be a little risky and asked for a knife to be held against her. But I said no, it's too dangerous," Tony said.

"And did she persist?"

"Yes, but I still said no."

"Then, how did the knife contain Miss Madeline's blood and a little of your DNA?"

"I took the knife out of her hand if that's what you're asking. I have no idea how the blood was on there. I didn't stab her. She must have done it to herself to make it look like I did," Tony explained.

"Now, did you mention a knife to Miss Y/n?"

"I did. I told birdy to bring utensils-"

"For what?"

"For the apartment, I was staying at. It was Marco's," Tony said.

"Why didn't you go out and get them yourself?" Tootell asked.

"I was afraid the N.Y.P.D. was going to arrest me for crimes I didn't commit."

"What made you think that?"

"I got a call from Marco previously that he was arrested for rape. He warned me and said not to go out. I also had the neighbors around looking out for me to see if the cops would come. I didn't rape any girls, and I won't be in jail just 'cause the N.Y.P.D. hates me," Tony said as if he rehearsed it.

"So, Miss Y/n knew you needed supplies, and she brought only a knife?" Tootell continued to question.

"Yeah. Marco told me he saw her kissing the lawyer in the bar. I figured they got to her, but let her in any way."

"Your honor, relevance? " Barba said.

"One moment Mr. Barba. What do you mean by 'got to her'?" Tootell asked.

"The N.Y.P.D. and that lawyer tricked her into making it seem that I would hurt her. Yeah, I said some stuff, but only because she was threatening me physically, and I know the only way to calm her down is to be firm."

At that moment, you snuck into the back row of the courtroom. Tony noticed you in the back and tried to pull the most innocent expression he could.

"I wouldn't really hurt Y/n she's my first love. She knows that, and now they brainwashed her to think I'm the bad guy! I swear they have something against me! I love you, Y/n," Tony said.

Barba didn't have to turn around to realize you were in the room. He drank the water in his glass, wishing it was scotch.

"Thank you. Now, about Miss Park... how did you meet her?" Tootell asked.

"In a bar, she was drunk and started kissing me and asked me to take her home," Tony answered.

"And did you?"

"Yeah, I took her back to my place, and she said she wanted to go home. But wanted to do it first."

"Do what exactly?"

"Consensual intercourse," Tony replied.

"So, she consented?"

"Yeah, she wanted it. I don't know why she would change her story. Yeah, I admit I shouldn't be sleeping around but, it was all consensual. I'm sorry if I hurt you, girls. I'm just a lover," Tony said, faking sincerity. 

"No further questions."

Two male jury members softened their expressions as Barba stood up, ready for battle. 

"Mr. Zegner, you claim that the girls all consented to you. Yet, they all have physical evidence proving otherwise such as the stab wound, stitches-"

"What can I say? They like it rough," Tony said.

"So, you did stab Miss Madeline?" Barba asked.

"No, she did it herself-"

"But you just heartily admitted you caused those wounds? As you said, she liked it rough," Barba said.

"I did not stab her!"

"Right. Now you claim Miss Madeline asked you to use a knife in bed?"

"Yeah-"

"And can Marco confirm that?"

"Yeah- I mean, no. Marco wasn't there," Tony caught himself.

Barba gazed intensely at Tony, wondering what did the girls see in this creep.

"May I remind you, Mr. Zegner, you are under oath?"

You bit your index finger, watching with bated breath as Barba interrogated Tony. Your eyes didn't leave Barba as he paced in front of the witness stand. Tony noticed your eyes followed Barba attentively around the courtroom. He knew that look on your face, the worry in your eyes. You haven't looked at him like that in a long time.

"Yeah, and birdy is under you, huh?" Tony scoffed.

"Mr. Zegner!" The judge warned.

"I mean, I knew she was desperate for someone to mooch off of but come on, an old man?"

"Mr. Zegner!" The judge raised their voice. 

"What does she got on you, huh? Just want to be with a young one? Does it feel good to be with a young one?"

"Mr-"

"You want to talk about Y/n? Fine, let's talk about her. When Y/n came to the apartment you were staying in, why did you attempt to rape her?"

"Mr. Barba-"

"Can I direct the people's attention to the audio," Barba said, pulling out a clicker from his pocket.

The recording from the set up echoed throughout the room. The anxiety and adrenaline hit you once more. The clash of the bottle, him pinning you to the floor, all new again. 

"I only said that! Nothing really happened," Tony said.

"Really? Y/n has the stitches to prove something did-" 

"So I broke a bottle! She attacked me! She was trying to put me in jail for you! I was just going to hold her down till she calmed down-"

"You said 'do you want me to touch you as they did... do you want me to lay a hand you like they did'... I don't think that would calm her down-"

"I was scared! I heard she's kissing you! I know the cops are after me, and I panicked!" Tony began to shout.

"You also threatened and almost raped Miss Y/n in your panic state!" Barba said.

"Objection! " Tootell yelled. 

"Overruled," the judge said. 

"I want to go back to that statement, 'do you want me to touch you like they did'? What does that mean exactly?" Barba questioned.

You felt your stomach drop. You didn't want to bring up your past in front of strangers. You felt like sneaking out of the courtroom and going back to the hotel, but you knew that would look suspicious. 

"Birdy was molested when she was younger-"

"And you wanted to do the same thing?" Barba asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Objection!" Tootell shouted from his seat.

"Have you used her trauma before to get her to do what you want?"

"Your honor -"

"Withdrawn," Barba said, interrupting Tootell.

"I wasn't going to use her like you are right now!" Tony spat.

"Mr. Zegner! I will not warn you again," the judge said. 

"Your honor, can we have a brief recess so I could calm down my client?" Tootell asked. 

"Twenty minutes," The judge granted.
 

"I told you to stay in the room," Sonny said, pulling you into the hall.

"I just wanted to see what he had to say... he loves me," You said.

Sonny turned to Olivia then back to you, figuring out how to word this carefully. 

"Y/n... You... You don't believe him, right?" Sonny asked.

"I- I -" You looked down and remembered how you got to this point. It was all because of the detectives! They encouraged you and making you see Tony in a different light.

They brought up his cheating, the other women, and used you as bait to arrest Tony.

"I don't know, " you replied.

"I have him, but Tootell has him trained," Barba said.

"You need to go home," Olivia told you, ignoring Barba.

"No. I could use you," Barba said. "Y/n, you're not going to like it-"

"I don't want to be used by you anymore," You interrupted. 

Barba was taken back. She couldn't be possibly falling for Tony again, could she?

"Y/n, do you want Tony to-"

"I don't know what I want anymore!" You snapped.

"You should go-"

"No!" You snapped at Sonny. 

"Y/n, I understand you're confused and hurt. It would be best if you go home for the rest of the day," Olivia said, calming you down. 

"Why did you have to bring it up? It was bad enough Tony knew! The whole world didn't have to," You said to Barba, tears escaping your eyes.

"Y/n, I'm trying to expose Anthony for the monster he is. He hurt you and raped two others! He cannot get away with abusing women anymore. You are the last credible story, and if the jury believes yours, they will believe the others. I'm just doing my job," Barba explained.

You felt a new wave of nausea hit you. You looked away from Barba in terror and ran to the nearest trashcan. The bagel you bought earlier came up as Barba sighed and turned to his briefcase.

"Okay, let's take you outside!" Olivia said, escorting you out.

Barba murmured something under his breath while Sonny was about to follow until he thought he heard the word 'pregnant' from Barba.

"Pregnant?" Sonny said out loud.

"Pardon?" Barba asked.

"Nothing, Counselor! " Sonny said, brushing it off. "What did you say?"

"Just talking to myself... why? Is someone you know with child?" Barba asked.

"Yeah... yeah..." Sonny answered cautiously.

"Do I know the person?" 

"I have a feeling we're talking about the same person, but I want to know how you found out," Sonny said. 

"They told me when I picked her up from the hospital. How did you figure out Y/n is pregnant? Besides from the recent vomiting," Barba said.

"She told me. And I told Rollins and Liv-"

"I did not hear that you told them, and I have no knowledge that it's Anthony's child. That would make things worse," Barba said.

"I know. Maybe that's why Y/n is confused. What will happen when she has the baby? She can say it's someone else's or give it up, but I-"

"I know... twenty minutes is almost up. Let's get to it," Barba said with a sigh.
 
Ten minutes back into questioning Tony and directed every question back to the vendetta. 

"Mr. Zegner, the recording has you threatening Miss Y/n-"

"Until N.Y.P.D. steps in," Tony interrupted. 

"That is their job. Y/n was threatened and-"

Barba scanned the courtroom and found you sitting next to Olivia. Perfect. 

"So, you say that the N.Y.P.D. set you up... How again?" Barba asked, looking at you. 

"Well, you kissed my girl. You must want her, so you have to get me out of the way," Tony answered, noticing Barba's attention towards you.

"Continue," Barba said.

"You're also eyeing Birdy right now," Tony said.

"I am? Permission to have Miss Y/n here with me, your honor?"

"Objection!" Tootell shouted, looking towards Barba, slightly confused.

"Why, Mr. Barba?" The judge asked.

"Y/n is an attractive woman. Why not? And since I apparently brainwashed and seduced Y/n, I want Mr. Zegner to tell me exactly how again. Also, if Mr. Zegner wants to tell her anything-"

"I'll allow it, but keep it quick, Mr. Barba," the judge said. 

"Go on," Olivia said to you.

You timidly walked towards Barba. You could feel everyone staring and judging your every move. You felt your heart skip a beat when you made direct eye contact with Tony. Barba took your hand, pulling you right beside him and closer to the stand. You couldn't look at anything but the floor. 

"No need to be nervous. Now, Mr. Zegner, remind me again how I use Y/n against you," Barba asked.

"You got close to her," Tony answered.

"How close," Barba wrapped his arm around you, taking a step closer to the stand. 

"Like that!" Tony shouted.

"Like what?" Barba edged Tony on.

"Like you putting her arm around her and telling her stuff and kissing her!" Tony nearly yelled.

"I kissed her-" Barba took another step with you along with him "- in Detective Carisi and Tutuiola's testimony she kissed me."

"Mr. Barba-"

"Don't be afraid. If he would never hurt you, you wouldn't be afraid," Barba said to you, taking another stride.

You wanted to run out of the courtroom crying, but you were trapped. You met Tony's gaze and trembled. It was the same look he gave you when you were on the stand, the same look when you brought the knife, the same look when he saw you talking to someone else, the same look when you said you would leave and he struck you for the first time. 

"That's right, she kissed me first-"

"You're lying!" Tony shouted.

"Mr. Barba-"

"Almost done, your honor. Now, I'm sure it has been brought to your attention the second incident in which Miss Y/n comes to my home and-"

"Did you sleep with him?" Tony spat at you.

"Mr. Barba, please," you whispered. 

"Mr. Barba, please let Miss Y/n back to her seat," the judge said. 

You took a deep breath, and you could finally feel your surroundings. You were closer than you thought. Tony was glaring daggers at you and Barba. Every inch of your body became sore as if it was preparing for another beating. The memories all flooded back as if Tony was Death, and this was your final moment. Barba moved his arm from your back and linked it with your right arm.

"Of course," Barba said as he began to take you back to your seat. 

Time seemed to stop. Just a simple gesture confirmed Tony's accusation. Even if it wasn't accurate. It was all your fault, this could have been prevented. You froze. 

"You slut!" Tony shouted.

Tony lunged toward you with his fist first. You crashed onto the floor with your head slamming onto the floor. Your vision blur and your ears rang. The most audible thing was your name faintly being called along with the gabble banging. 

"Are you okay?" Rollins asked, helping you up.

"I'm fine," you faintly answered. 

"I said, order! Back to your seat! Mr. Zegner-"

"My client apologizes for his actions, your honor. Shall we proceed?" Tootell asked, trying to save face. 

"I should take you to the hospital. You already have a bump," Rollins said.

"I'm fine," You said weakly.

"All right, after the trial then," Rollins said, rubbing your arm.

"You're eye," Benson commented, moving hair away from your face.

You could feel your eye swelling and put your hand over it.

"You just healed," Benson said.

"I know," you whispered. 

"Mr. Diaz, where were you on the night of the alleged assault?" Tootell began questioning. 

"I was out with Tony and Rosie, walking around town," Marco answered. 

"How long were you walking around?" Tootell asked.

"For an hour or two, then Tony and Rosie wanted to be alone, but they offered me some drinks. I went to the apartment, had a drink or two, and then left them alone," Marco explained.

"Were you in the room when Tony and Rosie had intercourse? "

"No."

"Then why would she accuse you of rape?"

"Maybe she felt guilty about the sex and got confused - I don't blame her, but I forgive her for putting me through this and I hope we could live past this," Marco said.

Benson looked around the room to find Rosie sitting in a corner shaking. Her eyes were wide and teary as Marco spoke. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, there is no evidence, no DNA putting this poor man in that room. There may be some from having a drink, but none on her body or any seamen left that would prove that she was raped- or if they even had consensual sex! The defense rests," Tootell said.

"Mr. Diaz..."

You noticed Rosie was in the room too. You didn't care much. You knew Tony would cheat here and there and learned to live with it. You told yourself when you smelled a perfume that it was your own until you finally believed your own lies. Your only wish is that he only hurt you and not anyone else. That's the only reason you took each blow and burn for so long... You had to be the only one. 

"Y/n. Y/n," Carisi called. 

"Huh?" You said, snapping out of your trance. 

"We're waiting for the jury. You're burning up," Sonny said.

"I just need water," you said. 

"All right, let's get you some."

Benson followed you and Carisi out when she felt a small tap on the shoulder. 

"Detective Benson," Rosie said.

"Rosie, you-"

"There's something I need to tell you," Rosie breathed.

"What is it? "

"He's going to get away with it, isn't he?"

"Rosie-"

 "He can't get away! They came into my house made it seem like he wasn't there!" Rosie began to cry.

"Rosie, let's talk somewhere else," Benson said, leading Rosie to a more private area.

"What's going on?" Benson asked.

"Marco and Tony... There's more to them! Marco did rape me but he has friends! He has connections! They came into my home and strapped me down and-"

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" Benson asked calmly.

"Because they were wearing masks and I don't know who they were! But Marco sent them and they said if I said anything they would kill me! They don't care if Tony goes away he's just a pawn and Marco is the mastermind.... and they are only step one!" Rosie cried.

"What do you mean they're only step one? Rosie-"

"Marco... he seemed so nice when I met him and said he would get me away from sex work! But he only wanted me for more! He is going to kill me if he gets out! You can't let him-"

"Okay, calm down. I will have cops-"

"Some are in on it too! They are everywhere! You can't trust anyone! If they can stalk me and remove the evidence-"

"Rosie, it's going to be all right. Why don't you go home until we get this sorted out, okay?" Benson said.

"Please don't let them kill me!" Rosie cried.

"They won't. Why don't you go home and I will meet you there? We will talk about this more, I just need to talk to the other detectives about arranging protection for you. Okay?"

Benson said soothingly. 

Rosie nodded and headed out as Sonny approached Olivia. 

"What's wrong with her?" Sonny asked.

"She's afraid Marco is going to get away. She said that people came to her apartment and removed his DNA and threatened to kill her if she told anyone," Olivia explained.

"Do you believe her?" Sonny asked.

"I don't know... how's Y/n?"

"Stubborn. I think she has a concussion, but she won't go to the hospital until she hears the verdict," Sonny said.

"This may take a while," Olivia said.
 
Awhile was an hour or so. You could hear your heart beating out of your chest. The final say, this would determine your fate. Would you continue to live in constant confusion and mixed emotion under a shadow of fear with a child? Or, would you be on your own thrown against the wolves with nothing but a baby in your hands. You couldn't raise a child on your own until you got your life back together. You didn't want the baby growing up the way you did. You couldn't fail with a baby. You had nowhere to go and no stable home. Your family wouldn't take you back. They'd laugh and say: 'there goes the failure with the child of a loser in her arms as they both come begging for help.'

"...rape of Rosie Madeline and Dolores Park... guilty," A jury member said. 

You looked at Tony and began sobbing. You felt happy but at the same time scared.

"...And for the attempted rape of Y/n, guilty."

"You're okay, everything is going to be okay," Olivia reassured. 

"... for the rape of Rosie Madeline, we find Marco Diaz.... not guilty."

Chapter Text

Not guilty. Of course, Marco would be free! He was always so considerate and kind. At the same time, there was a pulling feeling in your gut telling you something was off. Or was it the baby?

Sonny had escorted you to the hospital to make sure you and the baby were okay. He helped you walk past the media frenzy in front of the courthouse. Unfortunately for Barba, the news attacked with full teeth and claws. Benson and Fin had to walk Barba out the front steps of the courthouse. They pushed the reporters aside, making a small path. Barba watched as Sonny help you into his car and drive off. Once they all reached the car, Barba turned to Olivia.

"Where's Sonny staying?" Barba asked.

"Hey, you okay?" Sonny asked, handing you a bottle of water.

You nodded your head 'yes' while holding your stomach and sipping the water. The hospital was a nightmare; the rushing nurses, the constant questions, and the overall chaos triggered a panic attack. Once the doctor fixed you up, Sonny took you to the hotel right away. You sat at the edge of the bed staring at the for the past thirty minutes. Sonny asked you the same question every ten minutes just to make sure you were still there. 

There was a knocking at the hotel door. You flinched in response and spilled some of your water. Sonny slowly got up and answered the door.

"Barba, now doesn't seem like a good time," Sonny said.

"Is she all right?" Barba asked.

"Doc said she's fine and the baby is fine too. Just gave her some pills for anxiety and an analgesic for her head," Sonny answered.

"Anxiety pills?"

"Just to calm her down from the trauma and to make sure she doesn't lose the baby from all the stress. She hasn't spoken a word since the hospital," Sonny said.

"Can I still talk to her?" Barba asked. 

Sonny looked at you. You were rubbing your stomach and still staring blankly a the wall.

"She's out of it," Sonny replied.

"I just need her to listen," Barba said.

"Okay. You're not going to get much out of her, though."

Barba entered the hotel room cautiously and sat next to you. He watched for any reaction, but there you sat. 

"Hello," Barba greeted.

You didn't take your eyes off the wall, nor did you take your hand off your stomach. Barba took a deep breath and continued.

"I'm sorry for what happened in court. I didn't expect or intend for you to get hurt. Usually, they attack me from the stand. I- You have to understand I'm just doing my job. I didn't mean to bring up your childhood trauma or cause you this much stress. It's my job to prove that you were really abused and if that means I have to bring out the ugly to put monsters away... I'll do it," Barba apologized.

You didn't respond. Barba took that as a sign to leave and sighed as he stood up. 

"Wait," You said. 

You stood up and became so close you could hear him breathing. He smelled like coffee. You remembered him coming home still smelling like coffee from the day. You wished you could kiss him on the cheek or make him smile like you did the two weeks you were with him. You wanted to feel his arms around you as you slept and hear his heartbeat. 

"What do I do now? " you asked. 

What you wanted to ask was, 'what do I do without you.' He had helped you so much through this. You didn't want to lose him.

"I can't answer that question. You need to decide what is best for you and your child -"

"How-"

"The doctor told me. Take care and stay safe-"

"Wait!" you repeated. 

Barba stopped one last time as he looked into your eyes. You always melted in his green eyes. 

"Thank you so much. For everything," you said.

"It's just my job, " Barba smiled. "Goodbye."

Barba left the room pretending he didn't notice your heartbreak in two. You felt the air leave your lungs as he closed the door behind him. 

"Goodbye," you said faintly.

   *   *  *

"I'm telling you, it was like I was watching a Lifetime drama. I wanted to shout 'just kiss!'" Sonny said. 

"That would make a good Lifetime movie... the lawyer and the client," Fin said, pondering on the idea.

"Well, I'm glad this case is over. It was a wreck from the start," Rollins said, as she tossed a newspaper onto the desk.

The front page had a picture of Barba along with the word 'scandal ' on top.

"You can't blame the man. The girl was attracted to him and she got drunk and kissed him. He tried to keep this professional as possible," Fin said. 

"Yeah, well they don't cover that in the story," Rollins said. 

"Hey, we got a suicide possible murder," Olivia said, putting on her jacket. 

She noticed the newspaper and scoffed at the front. 

"Funny, do they mention the guy abused her for who knows how long?"

"Nope, they just like the scandal," Rollins answered.

"Hey, Liv, do you know how to contact Lifetime? " Fin asked. 

"I'll go with you," Sonny said, ignoring Fin.

"Just asking!" Fin said.

"Great, no one shows Barba this if he stops by. Lord knows what kind of hell the D.A. is giving him right now. Come on, Carisi," Benson said.

                  *        *         *
You decided to go back to Tony's apartment to pack your belongings. You managed to find the keys to the old car he took from you. You figured a few weeks in there wouldn't be too bad. It had been two days since the trial, and the apartment owner gave you a week to get your things. He tried to hide the newspaper in his arm, but you knew everyone heard of the scandal. Dolly stopped by one day to apologize for everything. You were both hurt by the same man and lead to believe you were the only one. It felt oddly comforting that someone felt your pain. You didn't wish bad upon her, only that she would heal faster than you could. 
As you packed your things, old memories flooded your head. The smell of cigarettes and liquor lingered in the apartment you shared. As you folded clothes onto your bed, you thought about which time Tony used your body to get himself got you pregnant. You sighed as you carried a box of old shoes to the living room.

"Knock knock," said a familiar voice.

You turned around to see Marco standing in the doorway. You jumped at the sight of him dropping a box of shoes.

"Nice to see ya, birdy," Marco smiled.

"Hey! whatcha doing here?" You asked. 

"Came to get Tony's stuff. Heard you were packing too and just wanted to stop by. You uh, got a new place?" 

"No. I'm just playing everything by ear now," You replied. 

"Oh, in that case, move in with me. I got plenty of room. Ya know, Tony ain't getting out any time soon so we could hang out. I won't hurt you. Not like he did," Marco said, helping you with a box. 

"Yeah, that will be great. I got-"

"I'm not going to hurt you, birdy. You could trust me." Marco repeated.

"Yeah, okay," You nodded.

You continued packing what little you had and moved onto the kitchen. Marco followed you, playing with a small box on the counter. 

"I loved your voice. Voice of a pretty bird - the voice of an angel," Marco complimented. 

"Thanks," You smiled nervously.

You felt a knot in your stomach. It was probably the baby getting you sick again.

"You found a job?" Marco asked.

"No. I've been out of work so long I'll have to start from square one," You said.

"Huh. Say, what if I told you I could get you a high paying job?" Marco said.

"Um... what is it? I don't have much experience," You replied nervously.

"Don't worry, you don't need much skill. All you need is that pretty face and kind heart."

Marco reached his hand out to touch your face. You flinched, then turned your attention to your phone. The phone Barba gave you was still in perfect condition, despite nearly landing on it. You quickly pressed the button on the side to turn on the screen. To your surprise, the phone still has service. You figured going to return it would give you an excuse to get away from Marco. Everything was happening so quickly.

"Is that a yes?" Marco asked. 

"Ye- sure," You answered.

"All right. Let's get some drinks! Let's celebrate!" Marco said.

"Oh, I can't drink!"

"Why not?"

"Cause the baby-" you put your hand over your mouth. 

"Baby? What baby?" Marco asked.

"I uh... I'm pregnant." 

"Huh... that won't do... you can't have the baby," Marco said. 

"Oh... hey, I just remembered I need to give this phone back," You said, wanting to leave.

Marco's expression turned cold. You held the phone close to you and cautiously lowered your left hand to your stomach. 

"He gave you that, didn't he?" Marco questioned. 

"He?" You tried to act confused.

"Rafael Barba. That lawyer who almost put me away-"

"It's just a part of his job! He didn't mean anything by it! He was nice to-"

"Is it his?" Marco asked sharply.

"No! I'm two months pregnant. It's Tony's! I gotta return this. He must want it back! I'll catch you later!" You said, trying to hide your desperation and panic.

As you tried to leave, Marco grabbed your arm and yanked you toward him. You dropped the phone, and your legs started to shake. 

"P-please... Marco... you have been so nice and good to me. I told them you were one of the good guys! I just need to-"

"You're not going anywhere!" Marco whispered in your ear.

"Please! I just-"

"I'm not going to hurt you, birdy! I may clip your wings a little, but not hurt. You may not like it but it's what's best. You'll make a perfect madame once we break you in," Marco said.

"Let me go!" You squirmed.

You were free of Marco's grasp. You darted towards the door and grabbed the knob. Marco pulled you by the legs bringing you down to the floor. You landed on your stomach, but you still put up a fight.

"Stop it! Birdy! This is for your own good!" Marco said as he struggled to hold you down.

Marco pulled out a cloth from his pocket and climbed on top of you. You froze, remembering this all too familiar situation. You felt helpless and afraid. There was no squad coming for you this time as Marco put the cloth over your mouth and nose.

"There's a good girl. Now, to get rid of that baby..."

             *          *           *
"The neighbors found her strung up, called us," a cop explained to Benson and Carisi.

"Though, the other neighbors heard screaming and rumbling. They also called but by the time we arrived it was too late."

"So, that's the reason you think it's a murder, some rumbling?" Sonny asked.

"Yeah," the cop answered.

"Why did you call us?" Benson asked.

"Cause... just look who's dead." 

Benson and Carisi exchanged confused looks as they entered the apartment where the crime scene took place. 

"Oh no," Benson gasped.

"My God," Sonny chimed in.

Rosie hung from the ceiling of her apartment with the same outfit she wore the night she was raped.

"Oh no... this is my fault," Benson said to herself.

"Hey, don't say that! "

"I didn't check up on her, after the trial. I promised I would-"

"Liv-"

"Oh dear god... I want all possible DNA, anything at all! I need her phone to know who she spoke to last-"

"Liv," Sonny said, trying to calm Benson down.

"I need statements from both neighbors-"

"Liv! There was nothing we could do," Sonny said.

"Yes, there was. Call Rollins and Fin have them go make sure Dolly and Y/ n are safe... and call Barba."

          *             *              *

It had been a hectic two days for Barba. The D.A. was up his ass over this case. The newspapers slandering his name and glamorizing a scandal didn't help Barba's defense as he fought for himself. He didn't know how much more he could take. 

"Mr. Barba, your mother is here," Carmen said.

"Thank you," Barba said.

Lucia Barba stormed into her son's office with a newspaper in her hand. She slammed the paper onto her son's desk and planted her feet firmly on the ground. 

"You wanna tell me what this is?" Lucia snapped.

"Hola, Mami," Barba greeted. 

"This is not funny! Do you think it's okay to throw your good name out like this? To give up everything you worked for over some- whore?"

"She was just a client who crossed the boundary. If they got my side of the story, they wouldn't have anything to write about," Barba said.

"Pensé que te crié mejor."

"Mami-"

 Barba's phone started to buzz, cutting him off. 

"Liv?"

"Hey, do you have the phone you gave Y/n?" Benson asked. 

"You gave her a phone?" Lucia exclaimed, listening to the conversation.

"No, why?" Barba answered Olivia.

"Rosie is dead. We checked up on Dolly she was fine and she visited Y/n yesterday. She said she was at Tony's apartment packing but when we arrived everything was gone. The owner said she was unconscious and taken by Marco and we want to get a hold of her," Benson explained.

"She should have it! Last time I checked it was working-"

"Don't tell me you paid for her bill too!" Lucia shouted.

"Mami, please! I'll call you back, Liv. Text me if you find her."

"Will do," Benson said and hung up. 

"Rafi, you worked so hard for what you have. Why would you want to throw it all away for some girl?" Lucia asked.

"Mami, I kept this as professional as possible-" 

"You should of just let her go! You didn't have to do more than you should have! Now, this and her will never go away!" Lucia yelled.

"That's where you're wrong. Y/n might be missing," Barba said.

Chapter Text

"It's been a week; how do we not have anything?" Benson asked furiously. 

The detectives searched relentlessly through the city. The anonymous tip line was no help, and neither were the leads. Luckily, someone turned in the phone Barba lent you to the police station. It was found by some teenagers who were dumpster diving. They tried to pawn it, and the police were called.

"The phone was found in a dumpster, be thankful it wasn't her body," Sonny said.

"We checked Marco's apartment, his mother's, and no one has seen them!" Benson said.

"Hey, if there's nothing more we could do-"

"Don't, Rollins. I know she is out there. We just have to keep looking," Benson interrupted Rollins.

Benson slammed the door behind her office as the team continued to stare at the board.

"We can't find her with this. We have other cases," Sonny said in defeat.

"Yeah... she's still beating herself up over the suicide? " Rollins asked.

"Seems like it," Sonny answered. 

"If I know Liv, she will forgive herself and realize it wasn't her fault. She just needs some time," Fin told the others. 

"How's the search?" Barba asked, stopping by with his briefcase in his hand.

"Still nothing. We're stuck," Sonny said.

"I see," Barba said as he turned to the board.

"Is the I.A.B. and the D.A. office off your back yet?" Fin asked.

"Hardly. They want a statement from Y/n. These things don't get easy, but in time, they go away," Barba said.

The squad looked desperate and exhausted. It was a never-ending case that continued to complicate itself. Barba took one last look at your picture on the board, wishing it were you standing in the precinct. Now, you were just another person lost forever. 

"I have things to do. Night, " Barba said, leaving the precinct. 

For the past week, Barba would go to the karaoke bar where he found you once. He hoped that you would show up again. Of course, he knew it was impossible, but one could still try. 

"You still haven't found her?" The bartender asked.

"No. They give up," Barba sighed, swishing down his scotch. 

"Poor girl. You know you could always try other clubs or places-"

"They did. She's not there," Barba said.

Barba rubbed his face before taking a swig of his scotch.

"Sorry, wait," the bartender said and started looking around his counter.

Olivia sighed as she walked into the small bar. She took a seat next to Barba and gave him a faint smile. 

"This isn't your scene," she began.

"I know, I hate karaoke. Thank God no one usually comes on Tuesdays," Barba said.

"She came here?" Olivia asked. 

"Yeah, I found her here the first time," Barba said. 

Olivia sat in the same seat you did the first night you kissed him. He remembered your lips brushing against his for a moment. It was an alcohol-induced kiss, but a kiss none the less. 

"I'm sorry, this could have been-"

"Liv, it's okay. There's nothing you can do. You tried," Rafael said.

Liv sighed in defeat as the bartender sprang up with a box full of napkins. The two curiously turned to the bartender, who rummaged through the deteriorating box. He joyfully pulled out an old yellowing napkin.

"Way back when they would pick up birdy they stayed for a while. They talked about bringing someone, or something to a secret place. They were trying to be quiet about it, but they knew I was listening. So, they wrote down an address to the place. I think it's a warehouse," the bartender said.

"Thank you! I'll send people out right away," Olivia said, taking the napkin and getting up.

"How long have you had this?" Barba asked. 

"For a while now. I just remembered. Find her, okay? This place is dead without her."
 

           *                    *                     *

You were tied to an old bed frame, blindfolded and shivering. The cold air covered your body like a blanket, and the pool of blood the men drew from you stained the mattress. The smell of mold and sweat made you want to vomit.

The baby was gone. They took it, ripped it from you like it was nothing. You realized there was no escape now. No one was going to save you. 

"She's looking healthier today, " said a voice. 

"She's doing better. Can we break her in now?" asked Marco.

You cried out, wishing they would just kill you instead. 

"Marco, please, " You cried as a cold hand moved up your body. 

"Don't worry, we did you a favor. How are you feeling?" Marco asked.

"Please. Let me go!" You continued to cry. 

"We're going to clean up the blood. We will be careful. You know, birdy, it always seemed that I worked for Tony. But he worked for me. I'm big around here. I recruit and I pick the best. Now, I want someone taking good care of the girls I get, and I know someone as sweet as you will take real good care of them. But we got to break you in first. Then you will be top already, birdy," Marco explained.

You felt another set of hands explore your body as you squirmed in defiance.

"Please... not again... please!" You begged.

"I won't hurt you, " Marco whispered in your ear.

All you could do was cry. You were helpless, and you didn't want to be. How you wished you could just fly away, but your wings were clipped. You just had to accept this was just going to happen all over again. And maybe, it would have to be this way for the rest of your life.
 
             *                     *                       *

"I got something!" Olivia said, throwing the napkin on a desk.

"Really? It's an old napkin," Amanda said.

"It could be where they're keeping Y/n! I'm going to get the S.W.A.T.-"

"Whoa, Liv, how did you get this?" Sonny asked. 

"The bartender at the karaoke bar gave it to me. He said he saw Tony and Marco talk about it one day-"

"So, we're just going to charge right in?" Sonny asked. 

"This is the only lead we have. I'm not taking any chances," Olivia said.

"All right. You are usually right about these things," Sonny said. 
 
The team was ready for whatever awaited them at the warehouse. This could be a total dead-end or the lead they have been waiting for. Liv took the lead gesturing the team to follow. The warehouse was isolated from human contact. The rusting frame proved its age, and crates surrounding it stood as perfect cover in case of an attack. Two towers with tinted windows stood 15 feet apart from each side of the warehouse. As Benson moved her men, a camera hidden in a nest spied on the police from above. 
 
"The cops are here!" Someone shouted.

Marco looked at birdy's bruised and lifeless body on the mattress. 

"They can't find her. They'll take her away. Untie her and get the boys to kill," Marco said, pulling a gun from his sweater.  
 
"Move, come on!" Liv ordered. 

A bullet sped past Olivia's face. Sonny pushed her down by the shoulder as bullets flew everywhere. 

"Get down! " a S.W.A.T. member yelled. 

The squad took cover as the bullets kept barely scraping by. Some S.W.A.T. members aimed for the top of towers and began to shoot. This stopped some of the rapid-fire.

"Go on, we got 'round back!" Rollins shouted. 
Carisi and Benson took some men towards the entrance of the warehouse. Some of the fire stopped for a moment as the rest of the team hid behind a crate. Fin turned to Rollins, then noticed two men running from a door on the side of the warehouse. Fin tapped Rollins's shoulder and pointed to the men with his gun. 

"I'll cover you," Rollins said. 

Fin and Rollins ran towards the right side of the warehouse. Rollins saw the barrel of a gun and the head of its owner. Rollins fired at the perp's head before they got a chance to shoot at Fin. The gunshots roared as the two detectives continued to chase the men.

"Stop! N.Y.P.D.!" Fin shouted.

This only made the men run faster. They wore masks and tossed them off. Rollins caught her breath and aimed her gun at the two men and began to shoot. One of the men looked back at Rollins as he ran to a van at the back of the lot. Fin shot as well. The two men hopped into the car and drove straight for the detectives.

"Rollins!" Fin shouted.

Rollins kept shooting at the car as it sped towards her. Fin jumped on Rollins and pushed her out of the path of the van. The van drove away, swerving and avoiding bullets as best as it could. Rollins and Fin heaved as they picked themselves up from the ground.

"Did you get a good look at them?" Rollins asked.

"No, did you?" Fin asked in return.

Benson and her group rammed down a door of the warehouse, cautiously entering and escaping the bullets. 

"Don't move a muscle!" A voice boomed. 

At the other end of the warehouse, Marco stood with a gun in his hand. He pointed the tip at your head. His finger gently brushed over the trigger.

"No one shoot! Marco put the gun down! No one has to get hurt!" Benson shouted.

"Help me!" You cried. 

You were still blindfolded, but you recognized Benson's voice.

"She's scared, you don't want her scared-"

"I know she is! She's always scared," Marco interrupted Benson. 

"Why is that?" Benson asked, buying time.

"Because Tony made her scared. But I'll treat her right! She's going to be scared at first, but this is best for birdy!" Marco said.

"Okay, we all want what's best. So put the gun down. She doesn't want-"

"She's not going back to you and that lawyer! He took advantage of her!" Marco yelled.

"Marco, please! He helped me-"

"He almost sent me to jail!" Marco screamed.

"Marco please!" You sobbed. 

"It's okay, Y/n. Marco, just hand her over. Drop the gun," Benson said soothingly. 

"I am going to help her! I've helped her already! Now she doesn't have a baby to worry about! And she will have a stable job, live with me, and take good care of the girls I bring in."

"Look, Marco, she's bruised and bleeding-"

"That was a part of breaking her in. But it will heal," Marco said to Benson.

"Just let me go! Please!" You continued to cry and beg. 

Marco moved the gun under your chin and took off your blindfold. You looked up to him in fear and tears streaming down your face. He always had a soft spot for you, especially when you were crying. 

"What have I done?" Marco said, putting the gun to his head.

"Wait! Put the gun down!" Benson shouted. 

"I'm so sorry," Marco apologized to you.

"Drop the gun!" Benson repeated.

"Marco-"

Bang. The blood splattered over your face, and his body landed on yours. Benson and Sonny rushed to your side as they removed Marco from you. 

"Are you okay?" Benson asked.

You could not answer. You felt so numb. You have known this man for years, and you did not think he could kill himself. You did not think he would rape you or have others do it. Your whole world shattered right before your eyes. 
 
The ambulance ride felt empty, and the hospital was a blur. You didn't feel anything or notice what was happening to you. 

"Is she okay?" Benson asked the doctor.

"She is fine. She lost a lot of blood and- the baby. She has vaginal trauma and we're giving her some pain medicine," the doctor replied. 

"Thank you," Benson said.

"I got your message. How is she doing? " Barba asked, rushing in.

"Fine. She's alive, but the baby is gone. She was raped by multiple men. She's going to be okay. She'll make it through this," Benson said. 

"I hope so. Is she?"

"We haven't been able to speak to her. We just got here too," Carisi said.

"All right," Barba nodded.

Barba, Benson, and Carisi moved the curtains aside to see you. You sat up in your bed with a blanket covering your lower half. 

"Hey, Y/n, are you feeling better?" Benson asked. 

You did not respond. Barba looked at the bruises mixed with hickies on your neck and chest. Your wrists were a bright red from the deep cut in your skin. Your black eye was worse, stitches cut open, and your cheek was busted. Barba always looked at the pics of his clients but never up close and personal. 

"Hey, the doctor said you're going to be fine," Sonny said. 

 Still no response.

"Y/n, do you want to-"

"No! No more! I don't want to go through anything again," You finally said.

"Y/n, people hurt you-"

"No! Not again!" You cut off Benson with tears in your eyes.

Benson nodded and signaled Carisi to follow her out. 

"Y/n, I'm so sorry," Barba said.

Chapter Text

Rollins and Sonny drove around the lamp-lit street. Rollins looked ways, trying to find parking at their usual Chinese restaurant. Their delivery guy was out, so they had to pick up the order themselves. 

"There was one right there," Sonny pointed.

"That was a fire line!” Rollins said.

"No, it was a perfectly good parking.”

"Sonny- wait? Is that?" Amanda trailed off. 

It had been two months since the trial and kidnapping. You were walking- more like staggering - away from a man who looked like to be in his forties. He was in a blue button-up shirt and watched you with hungry eyes. He grabbed your arm and pulled you towards him. You weakly pushed him away and staggered back.

"Come on, let's go home," the man urged.

"No,” You said.

"Come on!" the man said, grabbing your hand.

"Hey! She said no!" Sonny yelled from the passenger’s window.

"Buzz off!" the man scoffed.

"Oh yeah?" Sonny flashed his badge, and the guy let you go.

"Get in," Amanda said.

You wobbled as you got into the back of the car. You felt dizzy and empty. Your head was spinning, and you did not realize who called you over. You rubbed your eyes and looked up from your hand.

"Detectives?" You spoke.

"Hey, you okay?" Sonny asked.

"Yeah, just a bad date," you tried to smile. 

"Do you want us to take you home?" Rollins offered.

"That would be nice," you said nervously.

"Just tell me where,” Rollins said, putting the car into drive.

You could not find an apartment to save your life. No job would take you since you had not worked in years. You did not want to go into sex work. Your experience in the past damaged you too much to even consider. You had been living in your car for the past two months. All the stuff you owned was stuffed into the back seat. You were miserable, lonely, and always cold. You managed to find an old laptop and used it to sign up for a dating website. You would go on dates occasionally, to get meals from guys. It’s not like they were interested anyway. Men on dating sites just wanted to hit and run. You never let them take you to bed, no matter how desperate you were to sleep in warm sheets. To fend off the friskier guys, you would mention you were a victim of an assault. That seemed to turn them off. 

"Just drop me off here. I can walk," You said.

"You sure?" Rollins asked. 

"Yeah. Thanks," You said.

You left the car and walked quickly, hoping they wouldn't notice your stuffed vehicle. You glanced back every so often, making you dizzy. You stumbled to your car and sat down. The inside was freezing, and the engine refused to start as you turned your keys. You did not have the energy to grab a blanket or keep trying to start the car. You shivered, wrapping your arms around your torso. Your eyes felt heavy, and you drifted to sleep.
It seemed like an hour later when you heard a tapping at your window. You jolted awake and saw Sonny at your window. 

"Hey, you hungry?" Sonny asked.

You opened your door and stepped out. You stood up too quickly and slid down the car door. You caught onto the handle for balance and picked yourself up. Sonny noticed you must have dropped about 20 pounds. You looked so frail in your date dress that was loose now.

"Take off those heals; I have sandals in the trunk,” Sonny said.

"I have my own. Thanks,” You said, catching your breath.

"Do you have a coat?" Sonny asked.

"I got a sweater. Let me get it."

You looked around in your car for sandals and a thin sweater. You slipped those on and waited for Sonny's response.

"Are you hungry?" Sonny asked again.

"Yeah,” You said.

"Well, let's get something to eat. I hope you like Chinese food," Sonny smiled.

Once you arrived at the precinct, you received suspicious looks from the rest of the squad and whoever you passed by. You did not expect anyone would remember you. You sat at Sonny's desk and nearly fainted at the smell of Chinese food. It was warm and heavenly to you. Olivia saw you enter with Carisi and Rollins from her office. She stepped out of her office and gestured for Sonny to join her.

"What happened?" Benson asked Sonny quietly.

"On a bad date. She looked like she was going to pass out," Sonny explained.

"Did someone touch her?" Benson asked.

"No.”

"Did she finally change her mind?" Benson asked with a hopeful tone in her voice.

"No, she just needed some help. Look, Y/n's sleeping out of her car and looks like she hasn’t eaten in days,” Sonny said. 

"Carisi- “Olivia stopped herself. 

She remembered the bruises, your screams, all the blood they found on the bed. Benson recalled the ice chest with a bloody lid they found at the warehouse. She did not have the heart to open it at the time.

“We have a lot of cases to get to. There is a woman shelter we can recommend her. I will have to find the card. Then after-”

“I know. There’s nothing more we can do,” Sonny sighed. 

Fin watched you scarf down your orange chicken. You inhaled your fried rice, nearly choking on the small grains. You slightly coughed some on the last bite of your rice. Fin walked over to Carisi’s desk and patted your back.

"Hey, how you doing?" Finn asked you.

You swallowed the rice and began on a forkful of noodles. You nodded ‘yes’ to say you were okay. 

"You look skinny. Have you been drinking?" Fin continued to ask. 

You nodded your head ‘yes’ again and wondered if he could smell the sweat and liquor from the club you were at. It was supposed to be a dinner date. 

"You should slow down then. Don't want you getting sick," Fin said.

You took Fin’s advice and chewed slowly. That did not stop you from shoveling food in your mouth, however.

"Hey, if you need a place to stay, there's a shelter I could call," Sonny said, coming over to his desk.

You finally swallowed your noodles and took a breather from eating.

"Tha-"

"Evening," Barba greeted.

Your face flushed and you froze. He was here. Of course, he was here! Just your luck. You were at your lowest point and Barba came in just in time to see it. Perfect.

"Evening," Barba nodded to you.

You looked away from his gaze and continued to eat. Out of all the times he had to see you, it had to be now.

"Let’s go into my office," Benson said.

You secretly watched as he left to Benson's office and sighed.

"I have to go, thank you for the food," You said.

"Do you want me to-"

"No, thank you. I have to go," you interrupted Sonny.

"Okay. Stay safe out there," Sonny said as you left with the box of Chinese food.
 
"What was she doing here?" Barba asked as he entered Benson’s office.

"Sonny was just helping her out," Benson explained.

"Oh, she's not doing good?" Barba said, watching you leave from the blinds.

"I don't know. It's been two months and they finally got off your back-"

"I know... I know. Where did they find her?" Barba asked.

"On a bad date. Sonny said she looked like she was going to pass out," Benson said. 

"Oh, I hope she's okay."

"I'm sure she's fine," Benson smiled.
  
You walked back to your car under the city lights. It was a long walk, but you enjoyed the city at night. You ignored the catcalls as you walked by and the random stares. You made it to your car and decided to try to start it, just to get the heater working. It wouldn't work before, but it was still worth a shot... 
You inserted the keys, and a miracle happened. You quickly turned on the heater and let your hands feel the glorious warmth. Perfect.

Chapter Text

Barba had to forget about You. Oh, how he tried! The tired look in your eyes, slimming figure, and fraying hair. You looked sick and worn out. And you left, you just left!

"It was a bad date, Counselor," Sonny explained. "She looked dizzy and I think he wanted more than she wanted to give."

"Right," Barba sighed.

Why was she out? What happened in the last two months that made her want to start this type a life again? No. It wasn't her fault. Maybe she couldn't get a job, or something was wrong. Didn’t you have a family? Someone to go home to. You were so sweet and caring; no way you were alone in the world.

"Barba? Barba!" Olivia called. 

Barba snapped out of his trance and looked around at his reality. 

"Sorry, continue,” Barba said.

As Barba packed up his office at the end of the day, Sonny knocked. Barba nodded for him to come in and continued gathering his things. 

"Evenin' councilor," Sonny greeted.

"Evening."

"Hey, are you okay?" Sonny asked. 

"I'm fine, why?"

"You seem off. Is it-"

"No! It's not her," Barba snapped.

"I could take you to where she's staying-"

"You know where she lives?" Barba continued to interrupt Sonny.

"Sure, just don't- she's sleeping out of her car," Sonny said.

Barba's heart dropped.

"Oh... well then... I don't think she- she just left after I said one word," Barba said. 

"She's been through a lot. Come on, I'm sure she won't object to seeing you," Sonny said.

Sonny took Barba to your parked car. You weren’t there. Barba's heart sank further as he peered into the car window. There was no way all you owned could fit into the back seat. 

"She's probably out. I'll take you home," Sonny said.

"I'll stay here," Barba said, leaning against the door. 

He didn't know why he was determined to stay; she could be in some other guy's bed the whole night for all he knew. Sonny parked the car behind yours and gestured for Barba to come to the window.

"I go get some coffee; I have a feeling this is going to be a long night," Sonny said.

Of course, Sonny was right. They waited about two hours with coffee and a pizza. Another two hours passed by, and Sonny went out for more coffee and burgers.
You walked to your car with your light sweater over your shoulders. You were always cold for no damn reason. You walked to the car and noticed a handsome man with green eyes standing by it. Wait...

"Y/n?" Barba said.

You turned around and started walking in the opposite direction at the sight of Barba. You hoped he would magically go away once you come back.

"Y/n! " Barba called again. 

He chased after you, wondering why in the world you were walking away.

"Y/n-"

"What!" You snapped, turning around.

Barba stopped in his tracks and adjusted himself.

"How-how are you?" Barba asked, cautiously.

"How am I?" You scoffed.

Barba noticed you were in a dress that was losing its luster. You must have worn it on special occasions before, but now it seemed just like work clothes. Your knees looked irritated, and your legs were skinnier than usual. You had bags under your red eyes, and your makeup smeared on your face. 

"Are you-"

"I don't need a handout today, thank you," You interrupted.

"You know, I don't have to check up on you," Barba shot back.

"Then why are you here? To mock me. To laugh in my face? To look at me and say 'wow you failed! Look where you ended up! You're pathetic and worthless-"

"I'm not going to say that-"

"Then what? Why do you want to see me like this? I-" you leaned against the wall to catch your breath.

You felt dizzy and needed to calm down.

"You're so cold," Barba said, reaching for your hand.

Barba held your bare hand in his gloved one. You shivered at his touch and secretly wished he wouldn't let go. Sonny pulled up and parked behind your car again. Barba tried to lead you to the car, but you pulled yourself away from him.

"I'm fine!" You said bitterly.

"Fine! All right then. If you need anything-" 

"I'm fine! Just leave me alone," You said, holding back tears.

Barba went back to the car and slammed the door shut.

"What-"

"Take me home..." Barba grumbled.

     *           *          *

Several weeks passed and Barba wasn't in a kidding mood. He was more straight business than usual, but with a whole lot of attitude. This behavior began to bother the detectives and when they tried to ask him what was wrong, he snapped.

"Barba is being more of a pain in the ass than usual," Amanda finally said.

"Leave the guy alone, he is going through something," Sonny said.

"Hey, we got the place where the victim works! Ask around, see if there are any cameras," Olivia said, handing the address to Rollins.

"All right, Fin let's go," Rollins said.
 
It was a lousy strip club. The recent victim said she was kidnapped and raped after walking from work. She said she saw the guy earlier at the club and didn't think much of it. 
The joint was stuffy and smelled like cheap perfume and lust. Amanda looked around at the desperate men looking at the gorgeous girls while Fin tried to talk to a girl who wasn't in the lap of a man taking his money.

"Excuse me, Miss, can we talk to your manager?" Fin asked a girl who was cleaning a table.

"Yes- oh no," You said.

You stood in your daisy dukes and low-cut crop top high heels. The detectives stood with their mouths slightly agape. You tried to lower your shorts from your thighs and ran fingers through your hair. 

"I- let me go see if he's in his office-"

"Hey, it's okay,” Rollins said. “We’re here about-"

"I know why you're here. I sent her to you myself. I just didn't think you would be here- let me go check for you," You said.

Fin and Amanda followed you to the manager's office despite your subtlety in asking them to stay put.

"I don't dance or anything. A good friend put me through bartending classes. I just got this job, and I can't-" 

"It's okay," Rollins said to you.

"Armanda, the girl your case is on... She's my friend. She's letting me stay with her and her fiancé. She helped me get this job," You explained.

"That's great, getting back on your feet," Fin smiled.

You approached the door and turned to the detectives.

"Let me knock first, he's usually... busy," You said.

You knocked on the door and heard a thud. 

"Leave me alone!" A groggy voice said from inside.

"Sir, there's detectives here to talk," You said.

There was more rumbling from the office. A small girl stepped out sheepishly and opened the door for the detectives.

"Come in," said a beer-bellied man.

You entered with the detectives into the office. It smelled like sex and was dark, but you could tell there were stains on the carpets from god knows what. 

"I'm Detective Rollins and this is Detective Tutuola. We-"

"I thought I told you to hush up sparkle Barbie," the boss interrupted, turning to you.

"Her name is Armanda, sir, and she was-"

"It wasn't on my property, it's not my problem!" the boss stopped you.

"She said she was raped walking from work. She wasn't sure exactly where; you have a camera out front can we see the footage?" Fin asked.

The man sighed and ate a chip from a week-old bag.

"All right, birdie. Take them to the room. I'll talk to you later," the man said.

"This way," You said, leading them out of the office.

"Is he always this charming?" Rollins asked sarcastically.

"He has his moments. I try not to push I just got this job," You turned to the detectives with a frightened yet serious look on your face. "Don't Tell Barba!"

"I'm sorry?” Rollins said.

"Don't Tell Barba! Don't Tell him where I work or that I'm helping! Don't tell him anything!" 

"We can't promise that much. But we promise we won't tell him where you work," Fin said.

"Thank you. The room is this way," You said.

You lead the detectives to a darker room with monitors of the club. A young man with jet black hair and a scrawny figure turned around startled by visitors.

"Oh, birdie! Who's-"

"This is detectives Tutuola and Rollins, they need to see the footage of the night Mandy was attacked," You said.

"I was just about to tell you I found it! Took me a while but I found it!" The young man smiled and directed your attention to a monitor. "I didn't think I would find anything, but it turns out she left the club with him. I don't think she noticed though."

The monitor showed a blond woman stumbling to leave the club with an older looking man. The man kept his head down avoiding the camera.

"I got it on disk too!" The young man said, pulling it out of his desk.

"Thank you so much, Henry!" You smiled.

"Anything for you birdie! And if you need anything else let me know!"

"Thank you," Rollins said, taking the disk.

You helped the detectives navigate their way back to the main entrance. You ignored the stares of men and glares from your coworkers. Men asked for you all the time but you never let them have you. This pissed off the other strippers. 

"So, that guy working the monitors?" Rollins started.

"He's such a sweetheart! He wanted to be a security guard but is too scrawny! I asked him to search through the cameras because I knew you would need something concrete," You explained.

"And where were you when this happened?" Fin asked.

You looked around to see if anyone noticed you and sighed.

"I was... We got into a fight. She was mad at me for not... she and I are trying to quit drinking and I guess that made her cranky. I ticked her off. She drank something a guy gave her. I don't remember mixing it well but... I let her drink and after a while, she seemed out of it. Earlier she told me not to go home. I went to sleep in my car and didn't check up on her-"

Tears swelled in your eyes as you held back a sob. You wiped them away from your face careful not to smear your makeup.

"Hey, it's not your fault. You're doing what you can to help now and that's all that matters," Rollins reassured.

"Okay. If you need anything else you know where to find us," Fin said.
 
Back at the precinct, Amanda and Fin told Olivia and Sonny about your whereabouts and brought the DVD.

"Great, I'll call Barba tell him we got evidence, and ask for a warrant," Olivia said.

"But she must know the truth will come out eventually," Sonny said.

"I don't think she realized that, but she got us the tape," Rollins said.

"So, do we really not tell Barba?" Sonny asked.

"Well, we’ll keep it vague until he asks. But I promised not to tell, you two didn't," Fin said.

"Fair enough. Let's call Barba," Sonny said.
  
 
 
You went back to the apartment you shared with Armanda and David. David was a tired man, always hunched over his laptop and smoothing his brown hair away from his face. Armanda was the tall, fit, blond barbie you always wanted. She had a perfect body, but a less than perfect attitude. David was drinking coffee and working on his novel while Armanda watched WWE. You set down your keys and looked in the fridge for something to eat. 

"There's pizza at the bottom and coke," Armanda said.

She tied her long blond hair in a bun and sipped her beer. Her beer...

"You can't drink that," You said.

"Watch me," Armanda snapped.

"Fine! Only this time. You've been through a lot," You said reaching for a beer.

"Just because I can doesn't mean you can!"

"I've had a long day," You said.

"No, you get too emotional when you drink! I don't want any more tears on my couch!" Armanda said.

 "Fine!” You groaned. “Detectives came in today who are working on your case. They got the footage," You said trying to lighten the mood.

"Great," Armanda said, taking a long drink of her beer.

"They're going to help-"

"Perfect!"

"Mandy-"

"It's time for bed," David declared, preventing a fight.

"Fantastic!" Armanda sighed and rose from the couch.

Once she left the room, her fiancé drained his coffee and whispered to you: "How did you deal with it?"

"I don't know... I didn't I guess," You admitted.

"Will you ever get over it?" David asked.

You paused thinking about those horrible memories and your time in court.

"I guess not. Oh well,” You sighed.

Chapter Text

The squad got the warrant and arrested a Martin K. Jetter. He was an older looking man with a shadow of a beard and small glossy brown eyes. His arms were long and wide. He looked like he could easily overpower a girl like Armanda.

Fin called Armanda in for a lineup and to go over her statement with Barba. She arrived at the precinct with her fiancé, David. Armanda entered the precinct with a disgusted look on her face. Her long false lashes did not hide the dark circles under her eyes, nor could the long-sleeved crop top cover up her cut wrists. 

“Hi, Armanda? I’m Detective-“

“Benson, I know,” Armanda interrupted Olivia.

"Right. Armanda we're going to-"

"This is a lineup, I know.”

David squeezed Armanda’s hand, and in turn, Armanda flicked his shoulder. Benson awkwardly glanced at the couple and turned to Barba. He stood up from Carisi’s desk and joined Olivia.  

"Alright. This is Mr. Barba he will be re-"

"This is Barba?" Armanda scoffed.

She bit the tip of her finger and examined Barba from head to toe. Barba shifted uncomfortably as Armanda giggled.

"Yes. How-"

"I thought you would be cuter!" Armanda said bluntly.

"Sorry, she's not herself," David apologized.

"Let's get this over with! Where’s the damn room?" Armada said, swinging her arms down. 

"This way," Benson said.

Benson was a little on edge with the way Armanda was acting, but she understood she was under a lot of stress. They lead Armanda to a room with a one-way mirror. Armanda avoiding looking into the glass as she crossed her arms. Men walked in a line into the other side of the room. Armanda focused on her white heels as the men held up numbered signs. 

"Take your time, just say his number," Benson said.

Armanda sighed and played with her hair. She refused to switch her gaze. David put his arm around Armanda's shoulder, pulling her closer to him. Armanda dropped her arms and raised her head, taking a good look at the men.

 "One," Armanda said.

"Thank you," Benson said. "Now, Mr. Barba would like to take your statement-"

"Can David be with me?" Armanda asked.

"Of course," Barba answered.

David held onto Armanda’s hand as they were escorted out of the room. Armanda looked around the precinct and noticed a kid’s room filled with coloring books and crayons.

"Can we talk in there?" Armanda asked, pointing to the room.

"Um, are you sure?" Barba asked.

"Yeah," Armanda said.

Barba led the couple into the children's room awkwardly. He wondered why on earth she would want to talk in here. Armanda headed straight for the princess coloring book and crayons. She sat awkwardly in a kid’s seat, adjusting her beautiful long legs.

"Sorry, Y/n got me into coloring as a way to cope," Armanda explained.

“Oh, you know Y/n?" Barba questioned.

"Yeah. She lives with us, got her a bartending job at the place I work at."

'There it is' Sonny thought, walking in to offer the couple anything.

"Would you two-"

"No thanks. Y/n prepped me for this. I know how it goes," Armanda said.

"Great, let's begin then," Barba said.

"Okay-" Armanda picked up a black crayon and began coloring- " during work Y/n and I were chatting. It was kinda a slow day. I work at the Kitten Heels club. I must be specific, right? Anyway, this guy came up and grabbed my ass while winking at Y/n. I thought no big deal happens all the time, but Y/n wanted to make a big fucking fuss about it. I told her to cool it. Anyway, later she gives me a soda and some water, and then the guy comes back and orders real drinks. He starts flirting with Y/n and asks her for a dance, but she turns him down because she doesn't give private dances. Or any dances, for that matter."

Armanda paused and switched out her black crayon for a red one.

"The guy wouldn't take no for an answer. He said he needed her, but Y/n wasn't having it. So, I offer my services, and he takes it. After the dance Y/n gets upset and said she can handle herself and that I didn't need to do that. Y/n said I should have said no, no matter how good he paid. I kinda crossed the line and said, 'at least I don't have to sleep with guys just to get food'. That was fucked up of me since she hasn't slept with anyone since- well, you know."

She pressed hard on the red crayon snapping it in half. Armanda took a deep breath and reached for a blue crayon.

"We argued for ten minutes. The guy ordered another drink, and he gave it to me. Y/n and I have been laying off the booze. I'm trynna help Y/n with her problem. I felt dizzy and weird, and I kinda remember walking out of the club with him. The next thing I know I'm tied up and not in my own bed. When I try to call out a rag is put over me and-"
She broke the other crayon in frustration. David patted her back and handed her a green crayon.

"I wanted to scream the whole time. He raped me... David said I was gone for two days,” Armanda finished.

"Did he let you go?" Barba asked.

"He untied me. He wanted to clean me up, but I elbowed him and ran. I ran all the way home,” Armanda said.

Armanda held back tears and finally looked up from her drawing.

"I honestly thought you would be cuter," she said randomly.

"I beg your pardon?" Barba said, taken back.

"She says your name in her sleep. She cries when she wakes up," Armanda said.

"I think you had enough for the day," David said before things got too awkward.

"Thank you, we will have your trial date soon," Barba said.

"You really need to talk to her. She needs you," Armanda said.

"I think-"

"Here is our address," Armanda said, writing it down on her colored paper. "Come after eight, that's when Y/n's really horny-"

"Okay! Armanda, this is a professional setting! Let's go be unprofessional somewhere else!" David said, pushing Armanda out of the room.

"I'm so sorry. She is taking this really hard and is trying to distract herself," David apologized.

"It's all right," Barba said, blushing.

"But I guess really do come by whenever you like. Thank you," David said.

"She's a character," Sonny said.

"Yeah, she is," Barba agreed.

He looked at the colored picture. It was just mostly soft then hard scribbles with an address above princess Jasmine's head.

"At least she's working," Barba sighed.

"Hey, she has a roof over her head and living with interesting people. You can stop by any time," Sonny said.

"I guess so."
 
Eight-thirty rolled by, and Barba did not believe he was going to knock at your door. He collected himself for a couple seconds, took a deep breath, and knocked.

"I'm getting the pizza! Oh, Mr. Barba!" Armanda answered.

"I hope this is a good time-"

"Best time! Pizza is coming in a bit! Come in!" Armanda smiled.

Their apartment was small but not cramped. The kitchen and living room shared a space. There was a bar to dine on separating the living room and tiny kitchen area. The living room held a small couch and flat-screen T.V. mounted on the wall. You were faced profile watching the screen with David.

"Little birdie, I got a present for you!" Armanda said.

"Is it the cinnamon bread-oh!" You spoke.

David sighed and moved himself and his coffee mug towards a bedroom door. Armanda followed, hitting your ass playfully and winking to Barba.

"Mr. Barba, would you like something to drink?" You asked, blushing from embarrassment.

"No, thank you," Barba said.

"Are you here to talk about her case, Mr.-"

"Call me Rafael," Barba said.

"Ra- I want to keep this professional. You need to help Mandy," You said.

“That’s- fine. That’s fine,” Barba sighed.

"Why are you here?" You asked.

"I wanted to see you," Barba answered.

“Oh. Well, you saw me," You said, moving toward the refrigerator.

"Did I do something wrong?" Barba asked, confused.

"No. Now, if you'll excuse me.”

There was another knock at the door, and you sighed with relief. You opened it and paid the pizza man.

"Here, let me help," Barba said, taking the top two boxes from you.

"Is the pizza here?" David asked, peeping from behind the door.

“Yes. Let the pizza marathon continue,” You said.

You searched through the cupboards for paper plates and pulled them out from the top shelf. You handed Barba one, but he held up his hand.

"No, thank you, I should be going-"

"So? You two good?" Armanda asked, coming out of the room.

"Did you- you don't need to fix my problems, Armanda!"

"Please! You don't even deal with your problems unless you're drunk!" Armanda snapped.

"Armanda! Not now! You need to focus on yourself-"

"Y/n-"

"I should go," Barba said.

"Take the baggage with you," Armanda said, referencing you.

"Fine! I'm going!" You shouted, slamming down the paper plates on the counter.

"I'm trying to help you! You deserve to be happy too! Take the damn help-"

"This isn't helping!" You yelled.

"I'll walk you out," David said to Barba.

He led him out the door and sighed.

"I'm sorry. The girls fight but not like this. Armanda really means well, she just doesn't know how to approach this," David explained.

"So, they always fight?" Barba asked.

"Yeah, it's usually over something stupid like what to watch. I'm sorry, I'll try to calm them down the best I can for all this."

"Thank you."

"Y/n is pushing you away because she wants Armanda's trial to go better than hers. She told me what happened, and I saw in the papers all the garbage," David sighed again.

"Right," Barba said.

"I think she really likes you. Just give her time to heal. She really does cry out at night-"

"Yeah, I know. She's afraid of the dark," Barba said.

"Yeah," David snorted, "We bought her a night light. It's funny how at times she acts like a full adult and others she so..."

"Innocent. She-"

"She likes you. I can tell why now. Good night, Mr. Barba, " David said, going back to the chaos in the apartment.
 
Barba went home with a headache, not knowing how to feel. You must talk a great deal about him for them to make judgments. You cried out for him. He never expected that. He imagined you tossing and turning at night and saying his name as tears rolled down your cheeks.

You had a valid reason for distancing yourself. Barba had a case to do, and he most likely needed your testimony. But after that? Maybe you did like him. Barba realized you only told him your true feelings when you were drunk. You only kissed him when you were drunk. Armanda mentioned you had a problem.

Problems aside, Barba called it an early night and hoped for his headache to go away in the morning. He held his other pillow just to feel something soft under his arm. Barba took a deep breath in, wishing he could still smell your perfume on the pillow. The scent had been washed out along with the sensation of you in his bed. Barba knew he could never have you like that again. Even if each night was innocent of sexual intimacy, he couldn’t have it. Barba could not have you.

Chapter Text

The trial was in a few days, and Armanda appeared to be well prepared. Barba took notice and assumed you had been prepping Armanda on your own. Despite Armanda’s constant attitude, she did incredibly well as Barba asked questions.

"So, do I have to be really specific about everything?" She asked.

"If the question comes up and they ask for detail, then yes. If not, all you have to say are the basic facts of the case," Barba answered.

"Great. So, the rape kit and the video aren’t enough?"

"You have a solid case. I'm sure the jury will side with the evidence," Barba said.

Armanda leaned back in her chair and looked at Barba up and down.

"I'm sorry for the other night. Y/n wanted me to tell you that. Now I can say I did," Armanda said.

"I'm going to ask you the same questions-"

"She's never going to forgive herself unless you tell her," Armanda interrupted.

"I'm sorry?"

"Tell Y/n you forgive her for ruining your career. She still beats herself over it. It'll help a little."

"Why are you so keen on helping her get over me?" Barba asked.

"Not get over you. Just help Y/n live with herself. I just want a good night's sleep and prevent another episode-"

"What episode?" Barba asked.

Armanda turned to the side and bit her bottom lip. She straightened her posture and cleared her throat.

"Are you going to ask me the questions again, or what?" Armanda asked with an attitude.  

"Right. Let's begin," Barba continued.

Barba sat in his office reviewing the evidence. He watched another disk that the kid from the club found of Armanda. The video showed You and Armanda arguing along with Armanda taking the laced drink. The evidence was solid, and the stories checked out. Later today, he would be prepping you. It was the first time in a while that he would be alone with you. Barba thought of you sitting on the witness stand. The memories of the previous trial hit him like a gust of wind. He kept reminding himself to keep it professional.

There was a knock at Barba's door, and it opened before he could answer it. A familiar grin and slicked back greying hair entered Barba's office.

"Mr. Barba!" Tootell greeted.

"Hello again," Barba said.

"I'm going to be representing Mr. Jetter! He wanted to switch lawyers last minute. I do apologize. You know how clients are!" Tootell's eyes shifted to the evidence and the footage of the night.

"I want to make a deal-"

"Not interested. I am not interested in any threats either or pictures of me taken in my own home," Barba growled.

"Mr. Barba, I come with a deal as a sort of an apology for the last trial. I'll have Mr. Jetter do time for the kidnapping and have him on the registry."

"And? That's it? The evidence is solid he-"

"He has an audio recording of her consenting. You really think a sex worker is going to miss an opportunity to earn some extra cash?" Tootell said.  

Barba was stunned. Of course, this bastard had something! 

"I know my client was a little grabby at the bar, but she knew what she was doing. So, about my offer?"

"Let me hear the recording first," Barba said.

"Of course! I will give till the day before the trial to answer. It's not like the jury was going to believe two hookers anyway," Tootell said, handing Barba a flash drive.

Barba glared at him as he walked out with the same stupid grin on his face. Barba plugged the flash drive into his computer and listened.

   ' Say you want me!'   

    'I want you... please-'

    'Again!'

    'Please... please... I want you.'

The audio stopped. It was clearly Armanda' s voice. Of course, there was something like this. He quickly called Liv and Armanda to arrange a meeting at his office right away. 

Liv showed up earlier and heard the recording. She was just as shocked as he was. 

"How did he get this?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know. Tootell said Martin had it," Barba said.

"That creep again?"

"Yeah. I do not know why he's helping that low life. But if there is evidence of her consenting-"

"I want to hear her side first," Liv said.

Armanda, David, and You entered Barba's office confused. Armanda’s hair was tied back in a ponytail and her forehead sprinkled with sweat. She wore sweatpants and a tank top, and sneakers, which was a nice contrast from her usual attire. You and David nervously watched Armanda’s every move.

"Are you going to prep me?" You asked Barba.

"Not yet. Armanda are you sure you did not consent to Martin?" Barba asked.

"What kind of question is that? Of course, I didn't consent! He took me away, and he forced himself into me!" Armanda shouted.

"That's not what it sounds like," Barba said, playing the recording.

Armanda' s face turned white. All her bad girl attitude left her body almost like the wind was being knocked out of her. She sat down and her hand began to shake.

"Armanda, it's okay," David said, holding his fiancé's shaking hand.

"Is that it?" Armanda asked.

"Yes, do you care to explain why you’re consenting on the recording?" Barba questioned.

"That's not her," You said.

"Y/n don't lie. We both know it's her. Just explain why that's there," David said.

"I didn't want you to hear that," Armanda said to David.

"Why? Armanda, they can use that against you-"

"Against me? What do you mean? He threatened me! He put a knife to my throat and told me to beg! I told him to fuck off, and he nearly slit my throat!"

"You said the throat injury was from the rope he tied you with," Barba said.

"I didn't want that recording to show up. But play the rest of it you can hear me cry out-"

"That's all there is," Barba said.

"What? No, there's more! I know there is more! I saw him record the whole thing, and he would replay it-"

“You said you were blindfolded,” You recalled.

“Half the time! He started recording then put a blindfold over me. He made me say those awful things!” Armanda shouted.

"Why didn't you tell us this?" David asked.

"I didn't want you to hear me say any of that. David, I'm so sorry," Armanda apologized.

"You said there is more?" Benson asked.

"Yes. He recorded more, I saw the phone screen! I'm not lying," Armanda said.

"I'll get a warrant to get the rest of the recording, okay?" Benson said.

"Come on, you guys need gelato and pizza. I'll save you some, Y/n when-"

"I'll prep you tomorrow," Barba said.

"Come on, Armanda. We need double scoops," You tried to lighten the mood.

You helped Armanda up from the seat and led her out of Barba’s office. David followed but was stopped by Olivia.

"Can we talk to you for a minute?" Benson asked David.

"Wait in the car. I'll be right there," David said to you and Armanda.

You nodded and shut the door behind you. David sat down, taking Armanda's spot. 

"So?" David asked.

"David, has Armanda ever lied to you or-"

"She's not lying. She hides stuff sometimes, but if there is more, then there's more. She has this savior complex where she has to be the strong one and fight- “

"And this is tearing her down?" Benson finished.

"Exactly. The truth comes out eventually. If you need more-"

"We got it from here," Benson said.

"Thank you, I know you're doing the best you can," David said, rising from the chair. 

"We will get back to you when we find the rest of the recording," Benson said.

David left the office, taking deep breaths and trying to clear his head. Barba turned to Olivia, who was trying to figure out whether to believe them or not. 

"Let's find the rest of the recording," Benson said.

"I'll get a warrant."

Chapter Text

Rollins searched the phone for any more recordings, but all that came up was illegally downloaded music and the same recording from the flash drive. 

"We have the knife. It has Armanda's blood and Martin's fingerprints," Olivia announced. 

"I can't find anything on the phone beside the same recording. Either she's lying, or the perp cut and deleted the original file," Amanda said.

"Do you think there's a way to recover it?" Fin asked.

"I’m on it," Rollins said.

"Liv, the rape kit has his DNA, and the story checks out," Sonny said.

"But the recording changes everything! If she said yes-"

"There were drugs in her blood. Everything is going to be fine," Sonny tried to reassure Olivia.

"Let's just hope Barba can work with this," Olivia sighed.

   *dun dun*

You and Barba were alone in the courtroom. The stand was not as cold as you remembered, but that didn’t help your wave of panic. You twiddle your fingers, and your eyes were down the entire time as Barba asked you questions.

"When she came home, what was her state?" Barba asked.

"She was a mess. Mandy was crying and looked like she ran a marathon. Half her clothes were gone, and her wrists looked like they have been cut into by something. And her throat looked bad too," you answered.  

"Can you describe her throat injury more?"

"Yeah, it looked like it was cut into. But Mandy said it was rope burn. I didn't believe that, but she looked like she just escaped Death. David and I took her to the hospital."

"And what did she tell you happened?" Barba questioned.

You shifted your stare from your hands to Barba. You ran your finger through your hair and breathed out. The room was spinning. You were not sure it was from the lack of food or the overwhelming feeling of being alone with Barba. 

"Can we take a break? I feel dizzy," You said, scratching your wrist.

"Of course, would you like water or-"

"Water, please!"

Barba held out his hand and helped you off the stand. You held onto Barba’s hand a little longer as you walked to the courthouse seats. Realizing your mistake, you quickly let go of his hand. Barba gave you a soft smile and dropped his hand to his side. He stretched out his fingers while watching you rub your hand.

“I’ll go get you water,” Barba said.

He left you in the courtroom alone. You examined the empty room imagining the seats filled with other people. You remembered watching Barba work, back and forth, using his sharp tongue and wit to show the jury the monsters on the stand. You recalled him walking you to the witness stand with Tony watching. It felt like a lifetime ago but as vivid as ever. You pressed your hand to your forehead as a sudden flush came to your cheeks. You were warm, and your throat was a little dry. Barba came back with a cup of water and examined your face. You looked a little pale. Sweat formed on your forehead, and your breathing was heavy. 

"If this is too much for you-"

"I'm fine! Just needed to get off the stand. I'm okay," You said.

You couldn't make an excuse. All of this was too much for you. You did not think you could do this all over again. Barba stopped your hand from scratching your wrist again. It was becoming irritated with the red spreading to your forearm.

"I would say we can continue later, but we are running out of time," Barba said. 

"I know. I'll be fine. What happened with that recording?" You asked.

"We're doing the best we can. Y/n?"

"Yes?”

"You didn't- I forgive you, and I'm sorry. This case is going to be hard for you. I'm not going to lie they are probably going to bring up the previous case. It's not going to be pretty, and you will feel like you're being personally attacked. The defense will use our past and that recording against us, but I will fight it. Okay?" Barba said. 

"I understand. I'm ready to go back on the stand,” You said.
 
You left the courtroom emotionally drained and ready for a nap. You missed Barba. You hated to admit it, but you missed him. Maybe after the case, you two could grab drinks and catch up? No. You knew someone like Rafael could never have romantic feelings towards you.

“Rafael,” You whispered to yourself.

It was sweet to feel his name on your lips.  

The trial was nearing, and you could not help being lost in all your emotions. There was too much of the past catching up, and the present did not seem real. The best you could for Armanda's trial was to continue to pretend like you didn’t miss him. You had to act like you didn’t like the touch of his hand or his name rolling off your tongue. You had to hold back every urge to look Rafael in the eyes and tell him to spend the night. No, you could not risk it until your best friend’s rapist was behind bars. You felt drained. 

Chapter Text

Armanda's testimony was perfect. She was surprisingly well articulate when Tootell tried to knock her down. Armanda was strong and honest, which captivated the jury. She left out no detail, no matter how many silent tears rolled down her cheeks. Armanda wanted justice, and that is what she was going to get. 

Tootell was frustrated with her and David's attitude and cooperation. They held nothing back and showed their undying love and support for each other. The only way to break this case now was through the recording and Y/n. Rollins had no luck finding the rest of it, but there was enough evidence to prove it was just a snippet of a whole recording. 
Barba was surprised at how well everything was going. He hoped Y/n would have the same moxy as her friends. When Y/n was called to the stand, Barba can see the fear in her eyes as she tried not to shake while walking. Tootell could sense the fear too and glad to play off it. 

"Hello again, Miss Y/n. Long time no see. Shall we get right to it then? Can you describe the night that Miss Williams left the bar with Mr. Jetter?" Tootell asked. 

"Armanda and I got into a fight. I refused to dance for that man. So, Armanda took over and I told her she shouldn’t have done that. We kept arguing and the man bought

Armanda a drink. But I don’t remember mixing the drink. I think he just had an empty cup and poured something in it to drug her," You explained.

"But it is your job to keep track of drinks, correct?" 

"Yes." 

“Then how come you don’t remember mixing the drink?”

“I- I don’t know,” You said.

“Right. I understand you and Miss Williams made a pack not to consume any alcohol because of your- drinking problem? Was it?"

“Yes. I’ve relapsed twice, but I’ve been good for the last two weeks,” You answered. 

“Did one of your relapses occur the night of Miss Williams's alleged rape?”

“What? No! I told you what happened. We fought over Mr. Jetter being rude and persisting I give him a dance."

"Isn't that your job?"

"No, I just serve drinks.”

"How did you manage to avoid private dances at a strip club?" 

"I explained to the manager my situation and past and he understood so I-"

"What situation? Could you elaborate on that?" Tootell asked. 

"I... I'm not comfortable with strangers touching me or giving private dances," You said shyly.

"Why is that?"

"I... was raped before and-" 

"You were? I don't recall a trial besides the one previously with Mr. Barba accusing your ex-boyfriend of rape-"

"Objection, your honor! Relevance?" Barba chimed in.

"Withdrawn. Now, did you see Miss Williams leave the bar with Mr. Jetter?" 

"Yes- I mean no! No, I didn't! I think I saw it on the video," You said.

"No? Are you sure?" 

"Yes, I'm sure."

"You were the one who told Armanda to get a rape kit, correct?"

"Yes," You gulped.

"Did she not plan to get a rape kit originally?" Tootell asked.

"She- she wasn't sure if she could go through it. She- she..."

You were shaking now. You could barely handle Barba's questions from the day before, and now you were in front of the man who tried to get Tony off. The man who helped Marco go free and into your apartment right after. Maybe things would have been different if he ended up in prison-like Tony. 

"Miss Y/n?" Total called.

"She didn't want to go through with it, but I told her to..." you breathed out.

"You made her get a rape kit?" toot ell asked.

Barba turned to Armanda, who was shaking her head, desperately trying to get your attention. 

"No. She agreed to do it! So, no," you replied.        

"Right. Now, can you tell us about this recording?" Tootell said, directing the room's attention to a screen.

Tootell played the recording of Armanda and Martin. He tried to break Armanda and David with it but struck out. He knew he could break you.

"Now, Armanda said she lied about the neck injury to hide this. Why do you think your friend would do that?" Tootell asked.

"She- she's strong. She didn't- she didn't want to hurt David."

"And why would this hurt him if it was rape? It's not like she had an affair-"

"She wouldn't!" You snapped. 

"Did Miss Williams confide in you why she did not want the rape kit?" Tootell asked.

"Your honor-"

"I'll allow it, Mr. Barba."

"She didn't want it because she doesn't want to seem weak!" You exclaimed.

"If you knew her stance, then why did you make her go through with it? It was her choice to make. Miss L/n did you ask Miss Williams to get the rape kit because you feel the need to get justice?"

"Hey! You ask me those questions, not her!" Armanda shouted.

"Order! Sit down-"

"You're scum for triggering her, you know that?" Armanda continued to shout. 

"Armanda, sit!" David said through his teeth.       

"Please, sit down!" The judge shouted. 

The gable banging shook your core, and it suddenly became hard to breathe. Barba noticed and approached the judge with Tootell. 

"I think we should call a recess, the witness is not doing well," Barba said.

"She looks fine. May I proceed?" Tootell asked. 
"We are taking a recess. Mr. Barba, calm down your client and witness."
 * dun dun*

"What the actual fuck, Y/n? Why would you mention that?" Armanda questioned.

"So, she convinced you to get a rape kit?" Rollins asked.

"Yeah, so what?" Armanda huffed.

"Tootell can use that against you! He could make it seem like Y/n helped you make the rape to cover up the fact you cheated on your fiancé," Benson explained.

"I didn't cheat! He hurt me I thought I was going to die! Why doesn't anyone understand-" Armanda started sobbing into her hands. 

"I am so sorry," You apologized with tears streaming down your cheek. 

"Did you originally not want the kit?" Benson asked Armanda.

"I just wanted to go home to David and forget this ever happened," Armanda continued to cry.

"That still doesn't answer the question," Barba said. 

"I wanted to hunt him down and shoot him myself. Does that help? I didn't know what to do, but Y/n helped me through it. So, I got the kit," Armanda angrily explained. 

"Can we step outside?" Benson asked you.

You walked through the door as Rollins talked to Armanda, trying to calm her down. Benson and Barba pulled you into an empty corner. You can tell they were going to tell you off, so you cut to the chase.

"No, I did not make her get a kit," You said.

"Y/n, you have been through a lot. You never reported-"

"Marco was dead and I have no idea who the other people were. There was no point. I don't regret anything," You interrupted Benson.

"Don't bring up your rape again, or Tootell will continue to use that against you," Barba advised.

"And our case, right? You're afraid for your reputation right now?" You snapped.

"Calm down. You're done for the day. Go home and rest and we can prep you further-" 

"I don't need any more prepping! I'm going home, " You cut off Barba. 

You stormed out of the courthouse and into the New York cold crisp air. You felt a rush of mixed emotions that came out as hot tears. You knew this would be too much for you, but you went along anyway. You wanted to run away.

"Hey, we need to talk. They're eating you alive," Barba said, rushing after you. 

"I don't want to talk to you," You cried.

"This is not for me, it's for Armanda, and you need to listen-"

"I don't want to listen. I can't be around you right now!" You nearly shouted.

"Well, you are going to have to. We can be mature about this and-"

"Barba, I can't anymore, okay? I pushed myself to the limit, and I think-"

"Whatever you're thinking right now, stop it, okay? Look at me-" Barba grabbed the side of your arms and faced you towards him.

You stared into his green eyes as his eyebrows furrowed. 

"This is not about you, and this is not about me. This is for your friend because you care about her. Just state the facts of the case. If Tootell tries to ruin your credibility by bringing up your past, I will fight it. I promise," Barba said.

You nodded and wiped away tears. Barba slid his hands down your arms and let you go. You knew he was right, this wasn't about you, and you needed to get a grip. Barba picked up his briefcase from the floor and headed towards the nearest coffee shop. 
 
 
You could not get your mind off Barba or the trial. You haven't even sorted through your emotions from the previous one! You refused to forgive yourself for letting all those terrible things happen to you. You felt awful every time a date tried to kiss you because it brought up memories. For the longest time, you could not look at yourself in the mirror. It was time. You suppressed your feelings long enough. 

You searched through the refrigerator and spotted three bottles of wine and two packs of beer. You remembered there is always a bottle of patron in the freezer. You could deal with your emotions, or you could drink your problems away while Armanda and David were out. Yeah, that seemed like a good idea. 

       *              *            *

The next morning Barba and Benson waited impatiently with Armanda and David on the courthouse steps. Armanda and David were on the edge and blowing up your phone. They haven't seen you since last night and were worried. You locked yourself in your room the night before claiming you were tired. Little did the couple know you snuck in booze then went out while they were asleep. The trial was going to start soon, and they needed you there.

"She's not picking up. When she gets here, I'm going to kill her!" Armanda said. 

"Where was she last seen?" Benson asked again.

"At the apartment and she was fine. She was going to take a nap to calm down after everything," David explained. 

"Wait, the wine! She's drunk and probably wandering the streets!" Armanda said. 

"Perfect," Barba sighed. 

"We can call and have someone find her. Are there any usual spots that she goes to?" Benson asked.

To everyone's surprise, you stumbled onto the steps of the courthouse and leaned against Benson. You smiled at everyone and started giggling. Armanda was about to charge at you until David held out his arm to stop her. Barba approached you smelling the booze on your breath. Your red glossy eyes stared up at Barba. You shifted your weight from Olivia and into Rafael’s arms. 

"Are you drunk?" Barba asked. 

"A little," You smiled. 

"Oh, my- you stupid bitch! You drank the whole town dry. David, go get her coffee," Armanda said.

"I can't have you continue to be on the stand if you're drunk," Barba groaned.

"I'm just buzzed, don't get your suspenders in a twist. I'm totally fine and relaxed," You said.

"Tootell is going to have a field day with you being disoriented-" 

"Barba, that's enough we can try to-"

"There is no time, Liv. We will just have to make do," Barba said, glaring at you.

"I'm fine I will be okay on the stand," You slurred.

"Can you even walk in a straight line?" Barba asked.

"Not a real straight line. But I'll be fine and dandy. Just trust me, okay?"

Barba sighed and rubbed his temples. He looked to you and saw that same innocence he noticed when he first laid eyes on you. Confused, yet honest and vulnerable. You had a little loving glaze in your eyes as you stared back at Barba which made him turn away. Barba let go of you. You staggered into Armanda’s arms next. She held back every urge to shake you. 

"I got the coffee," David said, with a cup in his hand.

"I'll drink this then I'll be perfect," You said.

"Chug it," Armanda said.

        *  dun dun*

Tootell was off-put by your newfound confidence. The consistency and sass were alarming. The judge agreed there was no time for another recess. To everyone’s surprise, you were deemed sober enough to testify. In all honesty, the coffee did help. 

"Did you force Armanda to get a rape kit?" Tootell grilled. 

"No, I did not force her. I suggested it and took my advice, " You replied. 

Tootell hit a brick wall. You were not going to bend anymore and every detail matched Armanda's and David's. All he had was the recording and was sure to break someone with that. 

"Ladies and gentlemen of the court, may I direct your attention to this recording," Tootell called. 

Everyone listened to Armanda plea and say "I want you" on the recording. Armanda's rapist was on the stand and ready to answer.

"Mr. Jetter, did you record this?" Tootell asked.              

"Yes."              

"And when did you record this?"              

"When... when there was intercourse," Martin answered.              

"So, you heard Armanda consent?"              

"Yes, she said she wanted it. "              

"She wanted it. Any reason why she would accuse you of rape?"               

"I don't know. Maybe not to embarrass her and her fiancé," Martin shrugged.         

"She consented and now she is falsely accusing you?"        

"I did not rape her," Jetter said.        

"The defense rests," Tootell said.

He strode back to his chair as if he already won. Barba stood up and walked up to the stand. Martin Jetter was nervous, the sweat of his brow gave it away. He gulped and waited for whatever swing Barba was going to hit him with.         

"Mr. Jetter, you claim that you did not rape Miss Williams, correct?" Barba asked.        

"Yes."       

"But when the rape kit results came back, they found traces of your seamen on her."       

"I did not rape her. She consented to intercourse and then she ran away," Jetter said.       

"How did she manage to get away, exactly? " Barba asked.       

"She- I thought she could use a shower after everything. I untied her and took her blindfold off and she ran," Jetter explained.       

"After everything? What do you mean after everything? "       

"After she had sex-"       

"After she had sex with you?" Barba tried to clarify.       

"After she had sex," Martin repeated.  

Something wasn't right about the way Jetter was wording his sentences. Barba could tell. Usually in court if someone claimed it was consensual intercourse, they would boast about it. Martin didn't seem to want to claim that any time soon.

"So, she had intercourse, but not with you?" Barba asked.                         

"Objection, your honor-"     

"I'll allow it. The witness shall answer,” the judge said.     

"No, she didn't have sex with me-"     

"Liar!!!" Armanda shouted from the court seats.

You held her down as she tried to get up and cause a scene. Benson escorted Armanda outside of the courtroom for some fresh air. Armanda was fuming and ripping at the seams.     

"Hey, hey it's going to be alright. Barba is doing his best-"    

"And what if it's not his best? What if he fails and the jury sides with him? What's going to happen then?" Armanda started crying.    

"I understand your concern, but you must leave it up to the jury. I think they're on your side," Benson reassured.

Suddenly, Tootell and Barba rushed out of the courtroom with Martin. Benson stopped Barba for a second before he continued to rush through the hall.     

"What's going on?" Benson asked.    

"He wants to take a plea," Barba explained.
 
 
Martin Jetter explained a long and nearly impossible tale. Barba was not convinced, but he listened. Despite Tootell's protest, Martin confessed everything as if he were talking to a priest.     

"You expect me to believe another man came into the place where you kept Armanda, raped her, made you record your voice and hers, and took your seamen?" Barba tried to clarify.      

"Yes, that's what happened. Someone paid me off to take one of the girls and that's it! Apparently, I took the wrong one, but that didn't stop him. I don't know who he is. I talked to many different guys coming into this job, but I did not rape her," Jetter said.      

"My client is obviously-"      

"Enough, Tootell, I'm tired of this. I will take a few years of prison time. And I know I'll be put on that one list. I hate kids anyway," Martin said.      

"You're going to be doing more than a few years unless you tell us who that other guy is," Benson said.      

"I don't know who it is! I didn't see his face! He wore a mask the whole time. I'll do some time, but I did not rape her," Martin persisted.      

"Fifteen years with parole. And you're going on the registry," Barba bargained.        

"But-"     

"That's as good as it’s getting. You dug this pool now swim in it," Tootell snarled.

Benson and Barba exchanged glances then focused their attention back on Martin. He rubbed his face down and sighed. 

“Fine! Fine,” Martin said, then mumbled something peculiar under his breath.

“What was that?” Benson asked.

“Nothing, detective. Nothing,” Tootell answered for his client.
  
You hugged, cheered, and cried hearing the good news. You watched with your friends as the police escorted the bad man away.      

"He took the plea! He's going away!" Armanda exclaimed.      

"Yes, you did it, Armanda! You did it!" You hugged your friend.      

"Drinks on me! I got paid yesterday," David said.     

"I'll be right there, honey,” Armanda said and kissed David’s cheek. 

She ran after Barba, who was leaving with Benson for coffee. 

“Mr. Barba!” Armanda called.

Barba did not hear her as he pushed open the courthouse doors. Armanda chased after Barba and tapped his shoulder. Barba turned around and gave a half-smile.     

"Thank you for everything. And if you wanna make a move, now is the time," Armanda said.

David waved to Armanda from a parked cab. Before Barba could reply, Armanda ran off to her fiancé. She was right. If any time was perfect, it was now.  

Chapter Text

Barba did not know how to approach you. He followed You and your friends to the bar, not knowing what he was getting himself into. When David offered to buy drinks, Barba assumed it was a quiet place with dim lights and the occasional song playing a little too loudly. He was wrong. Really wrong. 

The place was dark with lights throbbing into Barba's eyes and music-making him go deaf. This was a goddamn club! Whatever top song was playing gave him a ring in his ear. He looked all around past the sweaty bodies and felt overdressed. He spotted you, David, and Armanda sitting at a booth taking shots. He was shocked that all three of you were desperate to forget everything already. 

Armanda spotted Barba and waved him down. Barba blushed as he approached the booth. He slid next to you and smiled in an attempt to defuse the awkward tension. You sighed and took a sip of your fruity drink.       

"I didn't think I would see you here," You said to Barba.

Barba swore words were coming out of your mouth. He just could not hear them.      

"I'm sorry?" Barba said, trying to compete with the music.     

"Why are you here?" You said a little louder.     
"What?" Barba asked, really annoyed with the music.

You rolled your eyes, took your fruity drink in one hand and Barba’s wrist in the other. Barba slid out of the booth and followed you to the back of the club. You took Barba to a fluorescent-lit grey room away from the crowded club. The room muffled the music, and people were sitting at charging stations on their phones.     

"This is the best thing about this club. I wanted to go to little Italy for pasta, wine, and cannoli. But no! We needed 'hard liquor' after today. Armanda hates tourists, but she has no right to that. She grew up in Florida and not even near Orlando," You explained to Barba.     

"Weren't you just drunk?" Barba asked.     

"Yeah. Which is why I wanted to go to a restaurant so the food could absorb some of the alcohol. And I usually get free drinks," You said.      

"I- okay," Barba gave in to your logic and story.      

"Why are you here?" You asked.      

"I wanted to talk to you," Barba said.      

"Okay, talk," You said.

Barba suddenly was at a loss for words. He watched you sip your drink and rolling your eyes waiting for a response.       

"I just... you did good today-"      

"I don't want to talk about court. I'd rather go back to the bar and get hit on by some Netflix and chill douche who spikes my drink!” You said, cutting off Barba.      

"Don't talk like that. You've been through-"      

"I know what I've been through. Like you said, this wasn't about you or me. We helped Armanda and that's it. You need to protect your reputation from me," You said bitterly. 

Barba knew this was a bad idea, but he did not want to leave on bad terms. You chugged the rest of your drink and crossed your arms.     
"How about I take you to Little Italy and we have some pasta?" Barba asked.     

"Really?" You replied, surprised.      

"Yes, you seem miserable."    

"I am. Let's go," You gave in. 

You could never say no to pasta and wine. You went back to the booth to grab your purse and made sure you still had enough money for dinner. Everything seemed to be in order. You weren’t fully aware your booty was in Barba’s way as you counted your cash. He tried to look away, but each direction he set his gaze was a terrible sight to behold. You slid out of the booth and bumped into Barba. You placed one hand onto Barba’s chest, stopping yourself from falling over. Barba quickly grabbed your waist, holding you in place. You straightened yourself out and slid your hand down Barba’s torso. 

“Are you gonna fuck or what?” Armanda teased.

“I’m going to get pasta! Don’t wait up for me!” You yelled over the music.

“We won’t!” Armanda winked. 

You rolled your eyes because you decided it was too childish to stick out your tongue. 
You and Barba took the train closest to Little Italy. You had a bit of a long walk ahead of you, but you didn’t mind. You enjoyed passing by the graffiti and little stands. You loved how New York seemed like a maze compared to the small town you grew up in. Barba noticed your wandering eyes. It was as if you were daydreaming when you looked above at the buildings and scenery.    

"Do you have a usual spot?" Barba asked.     

"No, just wherever seems appealing. Usually spots with bakery close by. Or just, whatever," You said.     

"There are bakeries everywhere. Why don't we stop here?" Barba said.  

You nodded and followed Barba into a restaurant. You two decided to sit outside, so the waiter led you to the back of the restaurant. The patio area was beautifully decorated with Roman statues along with Garland lights. You two sat near a heater, who knew how long the sun had left to shine.      
"This is cute," You said.      

"It's nice. I try to avoid tourist places. I grew up in the Bronx, I'm entitled, " Barba smiled. 

You shook your head and giggled while handing Barba a menu. The buzz you felt in the club wore off from the walk and train ride. You realized that you were on a date with Rafael Barba, a real date. This was real and not some wonderful dream you were having. You headed straight for the wine selection on the back of the menu.      

"Ooh, they got rosé. The wine at the club seemed crappy. A smooth red sounds good too," You said.      

"Straight to the drinks I see," Barba commented.      

"Don't worry, I'll eat too. I think I'm going to be basic and get ravioli."      

"That's not too basic. I haven't had gnocchi in a while, that sounds good," Barba said.       

"That sounds delicious. You know what also sounds good? Carbonara!”      

"Thanks for bringing it up," Barba said, sarcastically.     

"How about you get gnocchi and I get carbonara and we share?" You offered.     

"Sure, it's a deal," Barba said.

You smiled back and looked into his green eyes. You wanted to let your guard down again. You had to remind yourself Rafael would never like someone as low as you.
You cleared your throat and straightened your back. Barba raised an eyebrow as you tried to shake your feelings off.     

"So, um... you and detective Benson. You seem cute together, " You said.     

"Oh. That is strictly a work relationship. I've asked her out for drinks before as a friend, she always declines," Barba explained.      

"That's a shame. She looks like she would be your type. Rollins is pretty, I love her cheek bones."     

"What is my type?" Barba asked, ignoring the Rollins compliment.     

"I- I don't know. Someone well educated, hardworking, has their life together with a real job. Mentally stable,” You listed. 
Barba chuckled. You shrunk in your seat, feeling like an idiot for speaking.     

"You have me all figured out, don't you?" Barba continued to laugh.

You wanted to leave or just drink until you were blacked out to forget Barba's taunting laughter. Drinking would have to do you were starving. The waiter came back in time, and you ordered.

He came back quickly with the wine. You wanted to chug the glass down, but the place was a bit out of your price range.      

"Bring the bottle. I have a feeling that the lady would like more," Barba said to the waiter. 

You sipped your red wine and glared at Barba. Of course, you wanted the whole damn bottle. He ordered himself some scotch and tried a little bit of the wine.      

"I'm not much of a wine fan. The wine is either too sweet or too bitter," Barba said, trying to make conversation. 

Your buzz was gone, and you did not want to talk until you had it back. You went for your second glass of wine, wishing you could just drink straight from the bottle.      

"I can already smell the pasta," Barba said.     

"Mhmm, " You hummed, taking a big gulp from your glass.     

"Would you like water?"    

"No," You said, reaching for the bottle again.     
"Can you only talk to me when you're drunk?" Barba asked.      

"Pretty much," You blurted. 

Barba turned cold and leaned back in his chair. This was a terrible mistake. He took your drunk flirting too seriously and your softness as romance. It was clear now that you did not like him. He felt like a fool.

You realized the tone in your answer was harsh. It wasn't Barba's fault you dared to toy with him when you were drunk. You sighed and put the glass down.       

"I'm sorry, that was rude," You apologized.      
"It was the truth, apparently," Barba said bitterly.      

"No! No, it- the alcohol calms me down, makes me brave and forget-"      

"I know how alcoholics are. I know how drinks work."      

"Why did you want to see me? Why did you want to ask me out?" You asked.      

"I wanted to make sure you're okay. And if you really despise me or just not interested, I didn't want to leave on a bad note. But that isn't working out too well," Barba admitted.      
"Why the hell would I despise you? What do you mean by not interested? Why would you care if I were interested in you or not? You're out of my league!"       

"This isn't high school, there are no leagues," Barba rolled his eyes.      

"You know what I mean!"      

"Well, are you interested?" Barba asked. 

You ignored the question and went for your wine glass. Barba took that as a no and swirled his scotch around in his cup.     

"I-I'm no good for you. And I am not buzzed enough to have this conversation," You replied.      

"Just say no-"    

"No! I mean, yes. I mean, oh God I'm an idiot!" You sighed. 

You chugged the rest of the glass and finally felt something. You went for your fourth glass, and your sight was getting a little fuzzy.     

"I wish I didn't need this to tell you how I feel," You thought out loud.     

"How do you feel?" Barba asked, a little impatient.     

"I feel safe when I'm with you. But so dependent like with Tony and I hate it. I don't want to be dependent on you, Rafael. I feel helpless. I am tired of being helpless and taken advantage of. I can’t get a job without help! I can't get over you and stop blaming myself for what happened, and I hate it," You explained in a defeated tone.

You lifted your wine glass once more, but Barba stopped your hand. You lowered your glass and gently placed it on the table. Barba held your hand and tried to get you to look him in the eye again.      

"I hold just as much blame as you do. I should have not let it go as far as it did. I'm sorry," Barba apologized. 

You still wouldn't look him in the eye. You knew if you did, you would fall again. Barba tried rubbing his thumb over your hand to get you to at least say something. This was a simple touch, but it drove you wild. Your food came making your hands retreat. You remembered you promised to share your pasta. You swirled your noodles around your fork and took a bite of your carbonara. It was delicious. Nice, warm, creamy, a little salty... you looked at Barba.    

"Do I have sauce on me?" Barba asked.    

"No. Wanna try some?" You said, gesturing with your fork to your plate.      

"Oh, no thank you. I think the gnocchi is enough."

You slowly sipped your wine, noticing you finished the bottle yourself. For red wine, you didn't feel buzzed enough. Either that or you were underestimating how drunk you were.     
"Am I acting stupid?" You asked.      

"You want the truth, or do you want me to say something that will make you feel better?" Barba asked.     

"I- wine usually hits me like hard. What the hell?" You said, reaching for the bottle.

You knew it was empty, but it didn’t hurt to try.      

"I'm cutting you off," Barba said, stopping your hand.     

"You're lucky, the rest of my money is for cannoli and cheese."     

"Cheesecake?" Barba hoped to clarify.     

"No, deli cheese. The cheese is the best here," You said.     

"Deli cheese? Do you plan on making a sandwich? You have food in front of you."     

"Listen, I don't tell you how to live your life. And I get hungry at night," You said, slurring your words together.      

"Is this your first stage of drunk? Like, before you come knocking on my door at night?" Barba asked.     

"Yeah, this is drunk, not wasted. I'm not satisfied until I black out."     

"You still haven't answered my question completely, " Barba said, changing the subject.     

"I believe I did. I told you how I felt!" You claimed.    

"You didn't answer if you're interested in me," Barba clarified.     

"And I said I'm not drunk enough to have this conversation."    

"So, you only like me when you're drunk?" Barba asked, defeated.    

"No! God, no! I like you when I'm sober too, I just prefer drunk so if I'm an idiot I have something to blame besides myself. I'm in love with this carbonara," You said.

You twirled some more noodles onto your fork and raised it to your lips. Now you felt alcohol kicking in.     

"Creamy and a little salty, " You blurted.

Barba chose not to respond to that comment and continued to eat his food. He returned to his scotch, hoping to feel as good as you were. At least he got an answer.      

"You don't like me. It's okay," You said.      

"I haven't sorted out my feelings. At this point I just want to make sure you're okay," Barba said. "I'm not someone you can turn to when you’re wasted. I’m not a drunk love."      

"Fair enough. God knows how long I was a piece of ass after a night of liquor. Damn, the wine's gone," You said.

Barba slid his wine glass towards you.      

"I thought you were cutting me off."     

"The scotch and wine aren't mixing well. Plus, I'm starting to like the scotch and gnocchi pairing," Barba said.     

"You're a disgrace to the Italians right now," You laughed.      

"I'm Cuban, I don't care. Besides, Carisi isn't here, " Barba said.     

"Honestly, the whole special victims’ unit is really attractive. Especially the lawyer," You said.    

"How drunk are you?" Barba asked, a little amused.      

"I know what I'm talking about. Okay, I know," You stated with confidence.     

"That doesn't answer my question. I'm right here!" Barba heled back a giggle.     

"I know. I have eyes. I'm an alcoholic, not blind. Let me taste your gnocchi," You said.

Barba cautiously slid over his plate towards you. You slid your plate towards Barba and gestured for him to try. You loved gnocchi in general, but this was especially delicious.       

"I can't go to Italy now," You said.      

"Why not?" Barba said, interested in your answer.      

"I'm either not going to like their gnocchi or

I'm going to hate this one day. I can't deal with either," You sighed.      

"You're a very honest drunk," Barba smiled.      
"And you're a really good lawyer," You said, trying to find where Barbra put his lips on the wine glass.

You found his lip print and drank the remaining wine from the same spot. Barba noticed you looked for that spot and tried to remember what your lips felt like. Soft, matte from your lipstick, and he always tasted your liquor. 

You both finished your food in silence, occasionally stealing glances. You and Barba split the bill (you insisted) and walked around looking at the different delis and little vendors. You found a cannoli stand and brought five chocolate ones. You settled on a deli and drunkenly ordered a half-pound of sliced cheese. Barba didn't try to stop you. He was too amused by your food choices. He also assumed you would try to fight him like you almost fought him for the bill.      

"Let's go to central park!" You said.       

"It's getting late. You should get home," Barba said.     

"I want to look at the turtles," You said in a dreamy tone.      

"Y/n, you need to get home, okay? Your cheese is going to go bad," Barba tried to convince you.       

"Take me back to your place. Armanda and David are probably going to have victory sex. I don't want to be around that," You said.      

"Y/n... we will walk around the park, then we'll check if they're done," Barba compromised. 

You nodded yes and followed Barba back to the train. It was getting to the hour of creeps. You clung onto Barba's arm with your free hand as you waited for the subway. Barba held your cheese, so you weren't carrying so much. You squeezed his arm as the subway approached. A random guy kept looking at you, and you didn't like it. He followed you two onto the subway. You could not tell if it was the alcohol making you paranoid or just your imagination. 

Barba noticed your grip getting tighter, and he made eye contact with the stranger. Barba kissed your forehead, remembering you said you felt safe with him. You loosened your grip as the train moved, and the stranger no longer paid attention to you. You rested your head on Barba's shoulder and took a deep breath in and out.
Barba kissed your head again and pulled you a little closer. You felt relaxed, safe, and slightly sober. You two walked to Central Park. Your favorite way was past the infamous not Friends fountain. You stopped briefly to the circle on the floor. You explained that they filmed a small scene in The Avengers at the spot.      

"Look, Tom Hiddleston stood right here, and Chris Hemsworth was right here," You said, pointing at the circle on the floor. 

Barba nodded and continued to walk through the park with you on his arm. He was never a big Marvel fan. You stopped at a bridge and looked into the dark water below. You leaned over the bridge lifting your feet slightly off the ground. Barba put his hand on your shoulder, weighing you back down to the bridge. You turned to Barba and took a step closer to him. Barba quickly dropped his hand from your shoulder as you filled the space between you and Rafael.     

"Shh, they might be asleep," You whispered.       
"Who?" Barba asked.      

"The turtles. Let’s go to the gazebo and castle!" You said. 

You took Barba's hand and led him further into the park. You came upon trees hiding away a little grey castle. You saw a clearing where the gazebo stood to the left of the castle. It looked like a kid's playground, but you knew it wasn't.        

"Oh, the theater!" You exclaimed. 

You rushed into and past the gazebo and looked to the Shakespeare in the Park theater. The moonlit the area and brought out the theater from the dark. Barba followed and remembered coming here every so often to clear his head.        

"I've always wanted to see a show. I remember sneaking off one day while Tony was passed out drunk. It was Romeo and Juliet, the party scene. I love that part," You said, leaning against a short black fence.       

"Yeah, it’s nice to watch in the summer. You've never been?" Barba asked.       

"No, I just snuck away. No one noticed me in this spot. I remember the lines," You turned to Barba and began reciting:
"O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright! It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night. Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope’s ear; Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear! So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows, As yonder lady o’er her fellows shows. The measure done, I’ll watch her place of stand, And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand. Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight! For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night."

Barba smiled and cupped your cheek. You touched his hand and leaned into it. Rafael circled his thumb gently against your cheek.      
"I didn't even get to the cheek part. That's at the balcony, I believe," You said.      

"That I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek. That's all I remember from class," Barba said.       

"Very good, Mr. Barba-"      

"Rafael. Call me Rafael. I like it when you say my name," Rafael said.      

"Rafael. I love that name," You said.

You stared at Rafael’s lips waiting for him to lean into you. Barba let his hand drop and looked out to the theater.     

"This was a nice night, I learned a lot," Barba said.

You felt confused, what did he mean by 'learned a lot?' Was he not about to kiss you? Was he not being intimate?       

"What's going on?" You asked.      

"Nothing, I think you should head home," Barba said.      

"I'm still-"      

"I can still smell the wine, I know, " Barba interrupted.       

"No, that's not what I was going to say. I'm still- You got me to say I have feelings for you. We're you-"    

"You looked like you were going to cry. That's all," Barba lied.     

"But you- you kissed my head. I just-"      

"You're drunk. Come on, I'll take you home," Barba said.     

"No, wait. Rafael, please tell me what I did or said. Rafael-"     

"It’s time for you to go home. We don't want any more creeps looking at you at this time of night."

You gave in. The wine was making you sleepy, and you couldn't see any turtles. You were able to walk back normally but, you still held onto Barba's arm. He was warm, Rafael brought his coat while you shivered in your thin jacket. 

Barba did not want to admit he cupped your cheek just to feel your skin. You were so pretty in the moonlight. You were romantic and passionate as you recited the lines. He couldn’t take your eyes off your lips or his mind off your sweet voice. Barba could tell you missed his touch when you leaned into his hand. You had a rough day. Maybe you were desperate for any type of affection. Barba reminded himself you were drunk too. You were only affectionate when you had alcohol in your system. 

Barba sighed. He knew that was a lie. You showed you cared by making sure he was fed. You brought him coffee on difficult days. You smiled at him every time he entered his apartment. At night, Barba recalled you turning in your sleep to face him. He remembered you lightly stroking his chest before resting your hand to feel his heartbeat. Barba had never felt this type of intimacy. You expected nothing in return for your soft gestures during the two weeks you stayed with Rafael. He knew that. He missed it. 

You and Barba arrived at your apartment. You stood in front of the door facing Barba in hopes he would kiss you goodnight. He handed you your cheese and smiled.      

"Stay safe, okay?" Barba said.      

"Wait," You said.  

You opened the door and heard moaning. You shut it quickly and faced Barba again.       
"Yeah, I'm not going in. I don't like being around them when they're- you know," You said.      

"That's understandable. What do you usually do when they're... at it?" Barba asked.      

"Go out, grab coffee. Get food. Wait outside until they let me in when they're fully clothed. Blast my ears with music. They try not to do it often when I'm around," You said.      

"It's really getting late. I need to-"       

"Please don't go," You pleaded.

Barba was confused. You could only be around him when you're drunk. You didn't want his help before when you were living out of your car. It was understandable that you wanted to keep things professional during the trial. Why were you begging him to stay? The wine smell wore off your breath, and you seemed a little sober.      

"I have to go. I'll check up on you soon," Barba said.      

"That's it?" You said shocked.       

"I told you, I'm not a drunken love. Goodnight."      

"Can I call you when I'm sober?" You asked.   

"Of course. Goodnight," Barba said, trying to leave your side.     

"Rafael, I'm really confused. What do you want from me?"      

"For you to get better. Goodnight," Barba said.  
You held him back one more time and kissed his cheek. Barba gave into temptation and kissed your lips quickly. Barba assumed the kiss would be enough until you tugged on his coat. You pulled him in and dropped your food on the floor. You kissed Rafael passionately as you ran your fingers through his hair. Barba slowly slid his hands down to your waist, feeling your body inch closer to his. Your tongue found its way into Barba’s mouth. Barba knew where this was headed. He let go of your waist and pulled back, breaking the kiss. Barba lifted your chin, forcing you to look into his eyes. You were once again hooked, your guard down all because of his eyes.       
"Goodnight, " Barba said a final time and headed off.

You picked up your food from the floor and slumped against the door. You wanted Rafael to stay so badly. You knew he had a life of his own, but if he could just pause for a moment. Why could you only kiss him when you had wine? 

The door opened behind you, causing you to jump.    

"So, how was your night?" Armanda asked.     

"I'm sobering up and quitting the club. I'll find a new one," You said.      

"Okay, we'll talk about it in the morning. Wait, did you get drunk cheese again? This is why we don't go to Little Italy!"     

"Shut up!" You sighed, closing the door behind you. 

Chapter Text

A month passed, and you didn't call. You did not want to. You quit bartending at the strip club and began working at a Starbucks. You missed bartending, so you took another part-time job working nights at a bar. It was an upscale bar; rich old men, their wives, and mistresses, all having cocktails and talking business. Occasionally some young business tycoon or older man would hit on you or asked you out, but you always said no. 

"I'm working towards someone," You would reply. 

At first, it was for Barba. Over time, you became more focused on straightening out your life. You began to slowly like the feeling of keeping busy. It distracted your mind from your past struggles. With your new jobs, you also felt more independent. The tips from the bar allowed you to pull more weight with the bills. Your new coffee-making skills also made your roommates' mornings brighter. Your mixing skills made transitioning from alcohol to virgin a whole lot smoother. You were never lonely with David and Armanda's company, but you did miss a certain handsome dark-haired, green-eyed man who helped you get to this point. 

Armanda insisted you give Barba a call. In your head, this still wasn’t the right time. You had two jobs but no steady career. Surprisingly both jobs took up most of your freedom, and by the time you came home, you were exhausted. But really, you did not feel ready to see Barba again.  

On Barba's part, time slipped away too. He was caught up with cases and assumed you were not sober. Barba would think about you from time to time when he had a moment away from his work. On certain nights, he would stare at his phone, waiting for it to ring. When nothing happened, he went to sleep in an empty bed.     

"Why don't you give her a call?" Sonny asked.    

"No, if she really wanted to keep in contact she would have," Barba replied.      

"I'm just saying, you said you would check up on her."    

"Do you have anything about the case?" Barba asked, changing the subject.    

"No, I was just asking how you're doing," Sonny said. 

He grabbed his coat and swung it over his shoulder. Barba was never open about his personal life and assumed no one was interested. The whole squad only came to him for legal matters, and that was pretty much it. On rare occasions, they would get together for a few drinks, but most of their interactions were work-related.     

"Thank you," Barba said.   

"Don't mention it. But seriously, call her," Sonny said, heading out the door.

Sonny was right Barba promised he would check up on you. He decided that now would be a good time to call. He pulled out his phone then tried to remember your phone number. Did you even give him your number?

Luckily, he found you as a contact and dialed right away. It rang a few times and went straight to voicemail. He tried again a few minutes later, and still nothing. Barba sighed and continued with his work wanting to forget about you.

It was five o'clock, and you just finished your shift at Starbucks. You always kept your phone off at work to avoid getting yelled at. You turned it on to text Armanda your location. It was a new habit of yours so she wouldn't worry. You checked your missed calls list, and your heart dropped. Two missed calls from Barba. What did he want? Was there an emergency? You had an hour to get ready for your next job, luckily today, you had a short shift. It wouldn't hurt to leave a voice message. You called back his phone, and he didn't answer as well.    

"Hey, Rafael. Sorry I missed your call I was at work. I um, I have another shift right now, but it ends at ten. I don't know what time you plan on sleeping. I'll be home by eleven-thirty if you still feel like talking. Just call me around that time and I'll answer. Okay, call me back," You left the voicemail. 

You couldn't believe he called you. You knew Rafael was a busy man, so you assumed he didn’t have time for you. You went home quickly to change from your Starbucks outfit into a classier one for the bar. 

You arrived at work five minutes early, clocked in, and began working. The crowd was low, and the night was slow. You worked at a dimly lighted bar with more of a romantic feel and, of course, lavish decor. A usual customer came to the counter and smiled. He was a tall man, looked to be in his late forties, blond, and starting to wrinkle. He was one of the younger rich men, but not as wealthy as the others.   

"Hello," the man smiled.    

"The usual?" You asked.    

"Yeah, if you'd please."

You gave him a rum and coke and a glass of water. He winked and took a sip.   

"What are you doing after work?" The man asked.   

"Go home, call someone I know," You said.    

"Boyfriend?"    

"Maybe," You held back a smile.    

"Really? You never mentioned him before," the man said.    

"I don't know what we are. It’s complicated. Anything else?" You asked.    

"How about your phone number, just in case your boyfriend doesn't work out?" the man flirted.    

"No, I need time for us to... get better," You said.    

"Why don't I buy you a drink?" The man asked.     

"I'm a month sober. No thank you," You replied.    

"Okay. How about coffee after? Or tomorrow?"    

"I'm surrounded by coffee all day, I'll pass. Anything else, sir?"   

"I like when you call me sir," the man smirked.

This guy always made you uncomfortable, but you couldn't say anything. You moved onto other customers as he watched you. You hated his gaze. 
 
Barba went to your apartment, hoping he would catch you before you left to work. He knocked on the door, and David answered. David smiled as he opened the door and tilted his head. He opened his mouth to greet Barba, then a sudden wave of panic came over him. David’s face turned white, and his eyes widened.    

"What happened? Are the girls okay? Armanda? Y/n? Are they -"    

"They're fine. There's no legal trouble. I was just wondering if Y/n was home. I didn't mean to scare you," Barba apologized.    

"Oh, thank god! Y/n has been clean a month and quit the strip club. I would go crazy if something bad happened to her again. Or if Armanda was hurt again," David said.    

"I'm sorry. Y/n is-"    

"At work. The bar. It's a nice bar she missed making drinks. I can give you the address. She gets off at ten tonight," David explained.     

"Thank you," Barba nodded.

David got a piece of paper and quickly scribbled down the address. He handed it to Barba and smiled.     

"Y/n would be happy to see you. I think she's getting better."    

"She hasn't called," Barba said.    

"Yeah, she wanted to get sober first-"    

"But she's working at a bar?" Barba questioned.     

"I think the bar gives better tips. Starbucks is hell! I worked at one for a few months and had to up my meds. Tired moms are hell," David said.    

"Yeah, thank you again," Barba thanked.    

"No problem. Um, just go easy on her, okay?"     

"I- I will. Thank you."
  
After picking up a few pointers from Armanda, your charm work was near perfection. Your smile could make even the stingiest of customers open their wallets. Despite slow nights, working wasn’t that bad. Of course, there was always the entitled creeps that tried to claim you. You never gave in.

The blond hair man persisted in his pestering. It was getting near ten. You felt like a kid waiting for the bell to ring. Ten came, and your replacement came in. The blond man followed you out, which you found a little weird. He did not smile as he kept a close distance from you as you walked down the street. You just wanted to make it to the subway. 

You kept your head down and your coat closer to you. You picked up your pace, and the man quickened his. You didn't want to turn around or lookup.    

"Y/n?" Barba called.

You glanced up from your coat and sighed with relief.     

"Rafael!" You greeted.

You quickly wrapped your arms around Rafael’s torso and pressed your cheek to his chest. Barba was taken back but saw the man behind you. Barba hugged you back and looked at the man straight in the eye. The blond man turned around and walked away.    

"Thank you," You said, breaking the embrace.     

"Of course. Who was-"    

"Creep from work always asking for my number. What are you doing here? I'm sorry I missed your calls I was at work," You apologized.      

"It’s okay. You work at Starbucks and a bar?" Barba asked as you two started heading towards the subway.      

"Yeah, Starbucks is killing me, and I prefer to watch people get wasted instead of it being me. Plus, I'm surrounded by the upper class. I bat my eyes and I get good tips. I bought this coat with a weeks’ worth of tip money. I've been sober," You said.       

"David told me. I'm glad," Barba said.     
"I've been meaning to call you. I just wanted to you know to make sure I sober up first and get a steady job," You explained.      

"I understand. I'm glad you're doing better. Where are you heading?" Barba asked.     

"To get food. Probably McDonald's. I feel like stress-eating," You said.     

"I just made pasta. I went home and quickly made dinner before meeting you. Would you like to come over?" Barba offered.      

"Yeah, that would be nice," You said, gladly accepting the invitation. 
Barba smiled and led you back to his place. It was the same as you remembered. You felt like you were returning home after being away for a long time. It was only two weeks you stayed with him, but you made yourself comfortable.  

You smelled the pasta and possibly garlic bread coming from the kitchen and were about to make your way but paused, remembering you were a guest.     

"Make yourself comfortable," Barba said, taking off his jacket. 

You realized he was in more casual clothes. Barba was in a pastel salmon shirt unbuttoned at the top showing off some of his chest hair. He was wearing regular pants and slipped off his shoes. You loved his suits, but you were loving this look too. 

Barba noticed you checking him out and ran his fingers through his hair. He moved towards you and gestured towards your coat.      

"May I?" Barba asked.       

"Yeah, thanks," You said. 
Barba lightly slid his hands on the lower half of your arms as you rolled your shoulders. He took your coat and hung it on the nearby stand. The little flutter of his touch set you on fire.       

"Your heels must be killing you," Barba said.     

"Yeah, they are. They're cute though, " You said. 

You took your heels off and put them by the door. Barba watched you bend over in your skirt and felt a sudden heat in his face. You stood up and turned to him, brushing some hair away from your face.     

"Are you okay?" You asked.     

"Yes. I – want to sit down?" Barba asked, composing himself.      

"Yeah, dinner smells good," You said.

Barba led you to the kitchen, pulled out a chair for you, and began reheating the pasta. You took this time to text Armanda where you were so she wouldn't freak out. Barba placed a plate in front of you with heated up fettuccine alfredo and garlic bread. He set a fork and a napkin next to your plate. He sat across from you with a glass of scotch.   

"Thank you, Rafael. I missed you," You said.   

"My pleasure. Are you feeling better?" Barba asked.     

"I'm taking it day by day."   

"And your sleep?" Barba continued to question.     

"It could be better, but I'm still sleeping," You answered.     

"That's not good. You should see someone about that."     

"I can't afford therapy right now. And I don't trust the American health care system. I still have hospital bills to pay and it's- it’s a mess," You sighed. 

You took a bite of the pasta, and it wasn't bad. You could tell it was a store-bought sauce, a quick dinner for a lawyer on the go.      

"I know it’s not like the dinner we ate, but it’s better than McDonald's, " Barba said.     

"Thank you. It’s really good, no complaints here," You thanked.     

Barba missed seeing you across his table being so polite and grateful. He leaned in a little as you took a bite of your bread. You did look healthier. You seemed tired, but there was a lighter air to you.

“Is there something on me, Mr. Barba?” You asked.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stare!” Rafael blushed.

“I don’t mind you looking at me. I like your eyes,” You said.

Barba cleared his throat and changed his gaze. For some reason, the food did not look as good as you did. He quickly glanced at you one more time before picking up his fork.

“I hate to admit this, but I thought the worst for a while,” Barba said.     

"Why? Because I didn't call?" You asked, shocked.      

"Well, you said you would call me when you were sober."     

"I had a few relapses. Not with alcohol just mental ones. I just wanted to make sure I didn't treat you like a meal ticket or like you said a drunk love. I just wanted to make sure I was at the same level as you, " You explained.      

"I told you, this isn't high school. There are no leagues or levels. Just people. I understand you want to better yourself and that's okay. I'm glad you're taking the time to work on yourself," Rafael said.

He reached for your hand and gently rubbed your wrist. You liked the veins in his hand and how they flexed with each motion.     

"Thank you, Rafael. I missed you, though. I really did," You said.     

"Why didn't you want me to help you when you were living out of your car?"    

"I- I felt worthless. You already helped me so much I just felt like a burden. Especially since people were targeting you and threatened your livelihood. Did you ever find who did that?" You asked.      

"No, we weren’t able to trace the bugs. Y/n, you don't have to feel worthless. You just hit a rough spot. You look better, you’re glowing," Rafael complimented.     

"Thanks. I just wanted... I thought you would forget about me before I met Armanda."     

"I tried. I really tried. It didn't happen. I just wanted you to be safe," Barba said.      

"Well, I am now,” You paused and lifted your hand from under Rafael’s. “So um, did you make up your mind about me?” 

Barba rubbed the back of his neck. He liked you. There was this warm nature to you, and Barba absolutely adored it. You were secretive but not cold. You were humorously honest, but not in a brutal way. You were childish but not in an unbearable way. You were adorable and sweet. Overall, Barba enjoyed your company. You were sober now and trying to make your life better. Barba knew the journey was long and difficult for total sufficiency, but he felt in his heart to take this journey with you.     

"Yes. I want to- I want to be with you. If you still want me," Barba replied. 

“I do. I like you, Rafael. You’re so handsome and kind. I honestly don’t believe you would want to be with me,” You admitted.

“Y/n, please. You’re beautiful and sweet as well. When you’re with me, you’re going to have to let go of this undeserving attitude, okay?” Barba said.

“I’m working on it, Rafael,” You sighed.     

"I know. I'll take you home when you're done," Barba said.    

"Are you kicking me out?"    

"No! No rush! I just don't want David or Armanda to worry," Barba said.    

"I texted Armanda she knows I'm fine. Did David freak out when you came over?" You asked.     

"He seemed panicked. He thought something happened to you or Armanda."    

"Yeah, he freaks out when he hears sirens. He’s traumatized the poor thing," You said. 

You ate your food a little quicker than usual so you could get out of Barba's hair. Barba felt a little guilty as he watched you scarf down your noodles. His eyes wandered all over your body, from your hair, eyes, hands, and chest. Barba missed sleeping next to you. The smell of your hair, the softness of your skin, and the warmth of your body next to him. He tried hard to remember each sensation but to no avail.    

"Would you like to spend the night?" Barba offered. 
You paused mid noodle and turned to Barba, shocked.    

"We don't have to do anything. You could just spend the night. It’s really late you shouldn't be out anyway," Barba said. 

You finished your noodle and thought about it. Armanda and David weren't expecting you home anyway since Barba stopped by. You knew Armanda did not want you home by the hundreds of wink faces and eggplant emojis she sent. You had the morning off anyway and a late shift at the bar.     

"Sure, why not," You finally said.     

“I'll go get you some clothes," Barba said, getting up from the table. 

You giggled at Barba’s enthusiasm and swiftness in his movement. You finished your dinner and put your dish in the sink, and began to wash your dishes. It was the least you could do. Barba came back into the kitchen with sweatpants and the same Harvard shirt you wore the last time you were at his house.    

"I'll get that. Leave it there, it’s okay. Here," Barba handed you the clothes. 

You took them and headed towards the bathroom. You began by unzipping your skirt, and halfway down, it stopped. You tried yanking the zipper down, but it still wouldn't budge.     

"Rafael, " You called. "Can you help?"

Barba cautiously opened the bathroom door and saw the tail of your shirt caught in your skirt zipper. He zipped your skirt up and tugged on the back of your shirt. He then zipped back down and yanked your shirt again. The zipper still wouldn't budge.     

"I think you should take off your shirt. It's attached to the zipper." Barba said.    

"Rafael, there's no way I'm getting the rest of the skirt over my thighs," You said.      

"It’s worth a shot,” Barba said, mentally trying to measure the circumference of your thighs.

You tried to lift your shirt and was, as you predicted, stopped by the bottom of your pencil skirt. Barba knelt and rolled up the hem of your skirt so you could slip the whole thing off. He admired the curve of your legs and thighs. It took every fiber of his being to not kiss and squeeze the beauties right before him. Barba snapped back into reality and stood up before his hands betrayed his mind.

You were able, with some struggle, to pull off your clothes. Barba stood there for a moment admiring your body. You had a plain black bra and matching underwear on. It was modest, and the underwear covered your ass, unlike some pairs you owned, so you didn't feel as embarrassed. 

Barba let himself out of the bathroom. He felt a need from his pants he hasn't felt in a while. With his job, it was hard to feel anything without thinking of his clients. Barba’s schedule never allowed serious dating anyway. 

You came out in his old Harvard tee-shirt and sweatpants. They were too big but comfortable. You sat on the edge of Barba's bed and tried to get your shirt out of the zipper.    
"Why don't you give it a rest?" Barba asked.    

"I have to wear this in the morning. I think I got it," You said.

Barba grabbed his pajamas and closed the bathroom door behind him. He changed quickly and saw you weren't on the bed anymore. He looked for you in his living room and found you on the couch.      

"You can take the bed," Barba said.    

"Rafael-"     

"Come on. You slept with me before. I’ve missed your company," Barba said.

You got up from the couch and headed back to Rafael's bed. You laid down under the covers and began breathing heavily. You knew Barba wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Why were you panicking? Barba noticed your breathing and grabbed a blanket. You sat up and sprang from the sheets. You reached for Barba’s hand and pulled him towards you. You parted your lips to say “stay”, but your voice stayed in you. You felt every vein on Barba’s hand as you slid it from your grasp. 

“Bed?” Rafael asked.

“Bed,” You repeated.

Barba followed you back into the covers. As he laid down beside you. The urge to touch you came back. You were so close to him. You stroked Rafael’s cheek feeling the growing stubble on his skin. Rafael closed his eyes and leaned into your hand as he closed his eyes. He turned his head to kiss your wrist and then your palm. You jerked your hand away from Rafael’s lips. It was not because you were afraid; it was the desire to climb on top of him and feel his lips pressed to yours. You wanted to feel him beneath you as your tongues danced and your hands explored each other bodies. This was not the night, however.     

"Goodnight, " You said, facing Barba.     

"Goodnight, " Barba smiled.

You turned to your other side and closed your eyes. Barba wanted to hold you as you fell asleep, but he didn't want to cross any boundaries or lose your trust. You were more tired than you thought. You fell asleep right away once your eyes shut.

Barba kept imagining you standing there in your underwear in his bathroom. He never realized how much he wanted you. But then again, everyone did. He was able to push aside his feelings for the case, but now there was nothing in his way. He could not believe you thought you weren't good enough for him. Everyone wanted you, and you wanted him.   

He would like for once to kiss you when you were sober. Barba wondered what you taste like without the liquor on your tongue. He still wondered if that was the only thing that made him bearable. Your reaction to Rafael kissing your wrist made him second guess everything. You turned in your sleep and faced Rafael again. Instinctively, your hand found Rafael’s chest. You hummed in your sleep and scooted closer to Barba's body. 

Rafael's eyes felt heavy, and he put one arm over you. This couldn't hurt, right? He drifted to sleep to the sound of your soft breathing. He knew you were safe. 

Chapter Text

Barba woke up earlier than you did. He went on with his routine, shower, shave, brush teeth, you slept through all of it. He changed in front of you and you were still passed out. You must be tired, you worked two jobs you must be. Barba was ready to leave and left a key for you when you woke up to let yourself out. He didn't want to wake you up. 

Barba went to the precinct a little cheerier than he had been the last few weeks and everyone noticed. Sonny caught on, but didn't want to ask. He didn't know how the others would react. 

         "We got two perps, says the girls wanted it and decide to lawyer up," Benson said.

         "All ready?" Barba asked, shocked.

        "We caught them last night. Lawyer hasn't came in yet, said he was out of office," Fin explained. 

        "Well, that's a first. Wonder who it is," Barba said.

They had been working on a case where a group of girls were found at a party being pimped out to a group of rich and powerful men. Half were underage and others were reported missing for awhile. Some of the johns got away and were no where to be found. The pimps of the party fled the scene, but they caught two. 

It was one hell of a catch. They caught the two at a strip club looking for girls to scout out. It seemed like a dumb move, and Rollins swore they were setting themselves up to get caught. 

         "They wouldn't be that stupid to go out again. I would think they would lay low," Rollins said.

         "They lawyered up, they're not too stupid, " Fin said.

         "Let's see if any of the girls can id them, once the lawyer shows up. Are they pressing rape charges?" Barba asked.

         "They all claim that these men 'broke them in' but without a rape kit its going to be difficult. As for the johns at the party,  we're collecting their dna and going to send it off," Benson explained. 

         "Good, I can start there. We can ask where they heard about these sex parties and hopefully that will lead us to more links. Excuse me, " Barba said. 

He went to the corner of the room and opened a text from you. You panicked when you woke up and didn't see Barba by your side. You freaked out even more once you realized the time. You quickly let yourself of his apartment and headed home. 

      "So, how did it go?" Armanda asked you, once you got home.

      "Fine. He invited me to stay home, it was late and we ran into a creep from the bar so... yeah," you said. 

      "And? How was the sleep over?" Armanda pressed. 

      "Fine, we just fell asleep in the same bed. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. "

       "You have work tonight at the bar?" David asked. 

       "Yeah, I'm working at a later hour. I just came home to shower and eat before I head out, " you said. 

       "You should take him lunch, " Armanda said.

       "Yeah, I'll text him right now if he wants anything. Then I'll shower," you said, pulling out your phone. 

Barba wouldn't object to seeing you briefly for lunch. He hoped the lawyer would get here quick so you didn't have to show up to the precinct. 

       "Who are you texting?" Rollins asked.

       "Oh, no one important. Just ordering lunch," Barba replied,  trying to hide the fact you were going to see him today. 

       "Nah, I know that look. Who's the girl?" Fin asked. 

       "No one. What time did the lawyer say he's coming?" Barba said desperately trying to change the subject. 

      "Oh, so you did give her a call?" Sonny smiled.

      "I did. She was busy," Barba glared.

      "Well, now she's not!"

      "Wait, wait! Who's 'she'?" Olivia asked. 

      "Can we talk about personal matters later?" Barba said sharply. 

       "Come on, counselor.  It wouldn't hurt for them to know," Sonny kept smiling. 

      "Seriously, stop."

      "I'm happy for you two! At least she's texting back!"

      "How come Carisi gets to know, but I don't?" Olivia continued to question. 

      "Well will we get to see her? Is she bringing you lunch?" Rollins asked. 

      "Maybe.  She offered but it looks like I'm saying no," Barba said. 

      "We meant nothing by it, Barba. We just haven't seen you this relaxed in awhile, " Fin said.

      "Meaning?"

      "You've been a real ass lately," Fin answered.

Barba frowned and picked up his brief case as if to go.

      "But! But, we appreciate the hard work you've been doing! So who's the girl?" Olivia asked.

       "Yeah she's not coming," Barba said, typing on his phone.

       "But we will, or I will get to meet her eventually?"

      "Hey, Liv that's kind of selfish," Rollins said.

       "Carisi knows! He's not saying a word," Olivia defended herself.

       "And I won't until the counselor says its okay," Sonny said.

      "Now that we got that out of the way-"

      "Wait, so no lunch?" Sonny said.

Barba was fed up with the squad and it was only 9. He called you and put his call volume on a lower level so no one will recognize your voice. 

       "Hi, Rafael! Is something wrong?" You asked.

       "No, I just wanted to call about lunch. Meet me in front of the precinct, but don't come in-"

       "Barba!"

       "Come on!" The squad cried. 

       "Oh, um okay. I can do that. Same deli place?" You asked. 

       "Yeah, I'll see you in a bit. Bye," Barba said.

He hung up and turned to the agonized faces of the squad. 

       "Now that's just cruel," Fin said, heading towards his desk. 

       "You have to tell me who it is!" Rollins begged. 

       "Sorry, Rollins! Not until the counselor gives me an okay!" Sonny said, putting his hands up. 

       "You have the whole squad shook up. So, who is she?" Olivia asked again.

       "Nice try.  We're taking it slow, I wouldn't want to scare her off," Barba said.

       "Okay, okay. At least tell me how you met," Olivia pleaded.

Mr. Tootell walked in with his classic sinister grin. Barba readjusted his pausture and held out his hand.

       "Counselor, " Barba greeted.

       "Mr. Barba, a pleasure as always. And Miss Benson, nice to see you," Tootell greeted.

       "You have your work cut out for you counselor,  we caught these two at a sex party pimping girls and they fled," Benson said.

      "Prostitution charges? Is that what this is? Well let me talk to my clients and we can sort this all out. Which way, defective?" Tootell asked.

Benson lead Tootell to the holding rooms. Barba was about to follow until Sonny held him back.

       "This guy again?" Carisi asked.

       "I have no control over who they choose for counsel. But yes, this guy again," Barba replied.

       "Isn't it kind of funny that he is representing the low lifes? No offense to him, but I would think with his tounge he would get other gigs," Carisi said. 

       "There's something going on here. Those two look familiar I just can't figure out from where," Rollins said.

      "Conspiracy theories aside, if they look familiar search through their background see if there's any patterns," Barba said.

      "Only if you give me the first letter of her name," Rollins toyed.

      "Carisi I give you permission to let Rollins guess the first letter of her name. From there she can start throwing names and if she gets it right she can know," Barba said.

      "Oh come on!" Rollins cried.

      "Come on, start guessing," Carisi laughed.

     "Lets start with vowels."

While Sonny and Rollins began their game Barba went to the one way glass and watched Benson and Fin interrogate the two men.

They looked to be in their late thirties, early forties.  Both white, one had a short black beard with bits of white in it while the other had slicked back brown hair that was beginning to recede. 

         "The girls wanted to be there. My clients had no idea that some of them were underage. They did not touch them and as I understand some other men fled the party?" Tootell said. 

        "Yeah, but you expect us to believe that girls came up to you two looking for a good time?" Fin questioned.

       "I know Barba's watching. Bring him in here and tell him I want a deal," Tootell said.

Barba took that as his cue and entered the room. He put his briefcase down on the table and glared.

      "My clients will give a list of names of johns in exchange for one account of prostitution-" 

      "There were underage girls! Federal charges-"

      "They honestly had no idea they were underage. They found girls looking for a good time and had the men to match. We're willing to cooperate by giving you names. Help us out here," Tootell said.

Barba and Benson gave each other a quick glance and began to rise. 

       "We need a moment," Barba said. 

Benson, Fin, and Barba left the room and looked at each other. 

       "This is too easy, where are they going with this?" Fin questioned. 

        "They're pleading all ready. This is bizarre," Olivia sighed.

Barba looked through the glass and studied the mens faced. Tootell looked furious,  and the men ashamed. 

        "We could get the men who fled and raped the underage girls," Barba said.

       "They trafficked them, we can't drop those charges," Benson said.

       "I know, but we need to get the rapist in custody. And they can be key witnesses. Ask the girls how they got there, in the mean time we can still charge since they're admitting to prostitution," Barba said. 

       "Okay, I'll interview the girls again," Benson said.

* dun dun*

       "I was out with friends and he seemed friendly.  He bought us drinks," a girl with dark brown curly hair said. 

      "You went to a bar?" Rollins asked.

       "It was my first time doing it. I just wanted the experience, " the girl said defensively. 

       "Its okay, you just wanted to have some fun. What happened after he bought you drinks?" Benson asked.

       "I was dancing and things went... fuzzy. I blacked out I thought it was because it was my first time drinking. I woke up and I was in a room and tied to a bed," the girl started crying.  "I wanted to scream but I was gagged and they said they were going to break me in!"

     "Honey, who said that?" Rollins asked. 

     "I don't know it was dark. They had masks... I couldn't tell. Then they get me ready to go to a party and there's a ton of guys there. They touched me and took me to a room."

     "Alicia, can you tell me exactly what the guys said to you before they gave you the drinks?" Benson continued to ask.

      "They asked if I wanted a real party... I said yeah and they said they would take me to one later. Then they gave me a drink and-"

     "Did you see if they put anything in your drink?" Rollins asked. 

      "No. I didn't. I didn't even know the two guys were there," the girl said.

       "Okay. So you agreed to go to a party?"

       "Yeah, but not like that."

Rollins and Benson nodded to each other and stood up. 

       "Thank you for your time. We'll get back to you when you're ready to identify people, okay?" Benson said, sweetly.

The girl nodded and left the room with her mother. Benson and Rollins sighed as the girl left and Benson began pacing. 

       "Their stories check out, we have to prove the two drugged the drinks and some of the girls can't place them at the party," Benson said. 

      "That makes the two credible, and their plea reasonable. Their story is also plausible since the girls were at a bar," Rollins added on.  "Do we take the plea?" 

       "Let's ask Barba," Benson said.

Barba stood outside the precinct waiting for you to arrive with lunch. You came by with two bags in your hands and pink suit pants with a matching jacket. You wore black top underneath and black heels. 

        "Hey," you smiled.

       "You look like Elle Woods. That was supposed to be a compliment. You look pretty in pink," Barba said.

       "Thank you. I decided to give pencil skirts a break and try these pants. I bought them but never actually wore them. I got your favorite sandwich place," you said.

      "Thank you, you remembered what I liked?"

     "Mhm. So any reason why the front of the precinct?" You asked. 

      "I- I've got a lot of work to do. But I appreciate the food and the company last night," Barba thanked you.

     "Of course. I have Sunday night off and evening if you are free. We could get dinner again I get paid this week," you said. 

      "That would be nice. Excuse me I have to go. We have a case and-"

      "I know. I'll see you later, Rafael," you said.

You kissed his cheek and handed him a bag. Barba smiled and kissed your cheek back not realizing Benson was standing and watching from the door. You smiled back and headed off. You noticed Benson and waved 'hello' and began to walk off. Barba turned cold and slowly looked to Benson who was at the door. He knew he was in for hell. 

       "So, Y/n again?" Benson questioned. 

      "Yes, she is getting better. We talked a month ago-" 

       "After her friend's trial?" 

      "Yes. We just started talking again last night. I have nothing to hide. I just wanted to wait until it was something more serious. Besides I don't know if she's going to flake again," Barba explained. 

     "Right, I understand. Just don't let it get out of hand last time," Benson warned. 

     "We're taking it slow. She's not on a case I think we're fine," Barba said. 

     "Okay, just be careful. By the way the story checks out. The underage girls were at a bar and someone drugged their drinks and they blacked out. The girls said they asked if they wanted to go to a real party and they agreed," Benson began explaining.

     "Their stories check out they didn't know they were underage. And some of the girls can't out the two at the party?""

     "No, which makes things worse," Benson said.

    "You want me to take the plea?" 

     "For now. At least they're admitting to prostitution," Benson said.

     "No one claims they raped them?"

      "No. If we get dna Tootell might cause a fuss. I think we should take the plea and get the rest of the johns."

Benson and Barba entered back into the precinct. Barba placed his food on a table and entered an interrogation room where Tootell and the two men still sat. Tootell smiled and lightly tapped his briefcase.  

     "So do we have a deal?" Tootell asked.

     "Yes, give us all the names of the johns at the party and who hired you to get those girls," Barba said. "Also I'm adding kidnapping the girls were clearly taken away from their home and not allowed to go back"

Tootell took in a deep breath and the two men turned to the lawyer.  

     "This is their own thing. No one else," Tootell said, raising his hand up to the men who were ready to speak. "I accept the kidnapping charges, it looks bad. No one likes to hear about lost little girls." 

     "Really? Yet little girls were at your party?" Benson questioned. 

Tootell paused and glared at the two men.

     "Yes, and they're ready to pay the price and cooperate with the police before this gets worse. We will write out the names and I will see you at the arraignment," Tootell said, rising from his seat.

Tootell grabbed a pen and from his briefcase and slid it to the men. The men reluctantly began writing down names and handed the list to Benson.

    "That's everyone," the bearded man said. 

     "I would thank you but what you have done is awful. You are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you...."

As Benson said the Miranda rights, Fin came in and arrested the other man. Tootell watched his clients go out of the room in handcuffs and turned to Mr. Barba.

      "How's your love affair girl?" 

      "I'm sorry?"

      "The girl, Y/n was it? How is she?" Tootell asked.

      "Fine. I don't see why it's any of your concern," Barba replied. 

     "Stay away from her. She is going to ruin more than your career."

      "Is that a threat?" 

      "No, its a fair warning. You seem like an intelligent man with a lot to lose. I've growing a liking to you. You've been warned, off record of course," Tootell finished.

He walked away with his briefcase nodded to Barba. Barba stood for a moment and thought about what Tootell said. Maybe Benson was right, he should be more careful. But when you were living in the car on your own you were no trouble. You were getting clean and trying to get your life back together. Maybe that month to yourself was to plot another thing against him. 

Barba went to the table where he left his lunch and saw Rollins looking at a note with Carisi over her shoulder.

     "I'm sorry, counselor, I kept her off your lunch as long as I could," Sonny said. 

      "What? What's going on?"

     "Y/n? You're seeing her again?" Rollins said.

      "I don't recall seeing her in the first place-"

    "You sure this is the right move, Barba?" Rollins asked. 

     "No- yes. She seems fine. She's getting her life back together. Is that note from my lunch?" Barba snatched the note from Rollins and read it himself.

He knew this wasn't your hand writing and assumed the playful flirty note was from Armanda trying to pass a note off as yours. He crumbled up the note and tossed it in the trash.

     "Hey, we were just-"

      "That's not her handwriting. It looked like her roommates. She likes to tease," Barba explained. 

      "Oh, that makes sense. See I knew he wouldn't sleep with her after a month of not talking," Sonny said.

Barba grabbed his lunch and headed out. He had enough of this. Fin stopped Barba as he was about to leave and joined him in the elevator. 

      "Are you going to ridicule me too?" 

      "Nah, just going to ask how you're doing," Fin replied. 

      "Fine."

      "I heard Tootell threaten you. I caught the last bit of it. If I were you-"

      "Well you're not."

      "Let me finish. If I were you I would clear everything up before you get too attached to Y/n if you're not already. She seems like a sweet girl, but those are the ones that get you. Watch out, counselor," Fin advised. 

Barba huffed as he headed out of the precinct and back to his office. He needed to clear this up.

Chapter Text

You couldn't wait to get off work. You got a lot of compliments on your outfit and extra tips. It was just you tonight you were covering for a coworker but you didn't mind it was slow anyway. When one am hit you clocked out and left. The creepy blond wasn't there so you felt safer. You texted Armanda your whereabouts and that you were on your way home. Armanda told you to hurry and that someone was waiting for you.

Barba arrived at your place around midnight and to his surprise Armanda was just getting home too.

"Do you always stay up this late?" Barba asked Armanda as she opened the door.

"We're night owls. And the later you stay better the tips," Armanda said.

"Hey, David. What time does Y/n get off today?" Armanda called out.

David was on his laptop typing furiously and paused for a brief moment.

"One. Oh, hello Mr. Barba. Is Y/n okay?" David asked.

"She's fine. And thanks for the note, the precinct got a kick out of it," Barba said to Armanda.

"How did you know it was me?"

"Y/n and I didn't sleep sleep together in that sense-"

"So she wasn't lying? Huh, funny. Are you hungry or thirsty?" Armanda asked, heading towards the fridge.

She was in a skimpy dress after she hung up her coat. It was gold, low cut, and incredibly short. Barba was surprised David didn't bat an eye or ever complain about her line of work. He wasn't here for Armanda, though.

"Can I ask you about Y/n?"

"Yeah sure. I haven't known her for that long but I know enough. "

"Does- who does Y/n hang around?"

"Us, you, and the occasional guy that flirts with her, but she never flirts back. She's paranoid," Armanda answered, pulling leftover pizza from the fridge.

"Paranoid?"

"She thinks any guy that looks at her is going to kidnap and kill her-"

"She has every right to! You know what happened! You were in her position! We deal with trauma differently," David scolded.

"I know, hun. But Y/n can take it a little too far. She clings onto me and David when we go out. I understand why but it's to the point where she's driving herself crazy. She doesn't even go to the park anymore."

"So she doesn't hang around men or-”

"There's no need to be jealous. She likes you, trust me. "

"I'm not jealous. What I'm trying to ask is that if she seems like a threat to you?"

David looked up from his laptop and Armanda raised an eyebrow and looked taken back.

"No... is there something going on?" David asked.

"Don't tell me she got you into her crazy conspiracy theory!" Armanda said.

"Manda!"

"I know! I know! Everyone is entitled to how they deal with trauma! But I highly doubt her ex put a bounty on her head and they targeted her, not me!"

"What conspiracy? She hasn't mentioned anything to me," Barba said.

"Oh okay. I don't feel right telling you then. I'll see if- she texted me! I'll tell her to hurry."

You arrived home wondering who was waiting. You cautiously opened the door and smiled as you saw Barba sitting on the couch.

"Rafael!" You beamed.

"You two need to talk," Armanda said sternly.

Your smile faded as Barba rose from the couch and approached you. You were confused, everything seemed fine earlier that day.

"Rafael, what's going on? Is everything okay?" You asked.

"I-"

"The creepy ass lawyer stopped by today. You should go into the room and explain to him your conspiracy theory, " Armanda butted in.

"Will you stop making fun of me for that! I'm not paranoid!" You snapped. "And what lawyer? What's going on, Rafael?"

"Is there somewhere we can talk?"

"Yeah, my room is over here," you said.

You lead Barba to your room and shut the door behind you. You didn't decorate much, you had plain walls and on your dresser was a picture of your niece and you taken right before you moved to New York. Your clothes were put away and a little TV sat on the floor of your room with a DVD player surrounded by Disney movies.

You sat on your bed which was more like a mattress on the floor and patted the spot next to you signaling Barba to sit down. Barba sighed as he took the seat next to you.

"You need to be honest with me. I said no more games, " Barba started.

"What do you mean? Rafael, what’s going on?" you said.

“What have you been doing while we weren’t talking-”

“I told you, I took time to sober up!”

"Is that all you did?" Barba asked.

"Yes... I slipped up here and there and I got those jobs and that's it. Raf-"

"Y/n, do you- why are so paranoid?"

"I'm not paranoid I have the perfect amount of panic!" You said, defensively.

"Armanda-"

"Manda thinks I'm crazy! But I'm not crazy! Do you think I'm crazy?"

"Y/n... do you remember the lawyer from yours and Armanda's trial?" Barba asked.

"Yes... I hated his smile. "

"He came by today and told me to stay away from you. Any reason why?"

You sat there staring blankly at Barba. Who was that man to tell him to stay away from you. You were no threat and you haven't done anything wrong lately. You wanted to scream. Instead silent tears trickled down your cheeks. Of course someone would warn Babra! You weren't good enough for him and the whole world new it and he was starting to believe it.

"Y/n? Please answer me-"

"I'm not good enough for you. Is that it? Is this what this talk is about?" You asked.

"No, I'm just trying to find out-"

"What? What! Why I'm paranoid? I have every right to be! Tony had powerful friends and Marco too and he's dead because of me! I knew it, I played dumb because I didn't want to get hurt!" You cried.

"Y/n, he's gone I put him away. Should I be worried that I did that? You defended him when he was first accused," Barba said.

You wanted to ball. You wanted to throw a fit as if you were five. You held yourself together and wiped away some tears.

"Do you think I would sell you out?... to Marco's gang?"

"Y/n-"

"Do you still think I planted the bugs? After I was kidnapped and raped by Tony's friends? You honestly think I would do that to you after all you have done for me? Do you think I would hurt you?"

Barba realized what he was asking. He wanted to answer yes because after today's threat that was his initial response. Barba saw more tears stream down your face as your sobs became vocal. He tried to reach you to comfort you, but you pushed him away and stood up.

"You want to know why I was in denial? Why I played dumb? Because I knew if I opened my mouth I would be dead! Tony and Marco may be gone but their friends aren't. I think I'm being stalked! I feel like someone is going to get me and take me away again! Armanda's rape wasn't a random accident I know it. It was my fault I was the target but the guy didn't know! She tells me to stop blaming myself but I can't. I always feel like someone is watching me except when I'm with you!"

Barba stood up and reached for you again. You let him hold you and you cried into his arms.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bring this up. If you think someone is going to hurt you-"

"No, I'm crazy remember!"

"Y/n please! I can get you protection-"

"Rafael I'm fine. They're right it's probably all in my head. I just... I would never hurt you. That lawyer is messed up I can't believe-"

"I know, its okay. You look tired. I'm sorry for questioning you, I really am. I got dinner Sunday, okay?"

"You still want to see me?" You asked.

"I told you no more games. I just needed to clear this up. I should be getting home. Goodnight, " Barba kissed your forehead and headed out of your room.

You wanted to stay alone tonight. Barba turned to you once he got to the door of your bedroom and saw you sit on the edge of the bed again. He knew he messed up, he shouldn't have listened to Tootell. Barba wanted to take his accusations back but he knew it was too late.

"I'll see you Sunday," Barba said.

He closed the door behind him and heaved a heavy sigh. Armanda was in sweatpants and a tank top now her long wavy blond hair in a ponytail. Her arms were crossed and she cocked her eyebrows up and gestured to your door.

"So? What's up?" Armanda asked.

"Honey, that's their personal life-"

"No it's okay. I think I cleared things up," Barba said.

"I heard crying, the walls are thin.”

"Manda-”

"She was upset. I apologized and she explained to me she thinks she's being stalked.”

"Do you believe her? She can't pinpoint a person, but do you think she's right?"

"I haven't seen any clients act out- I'm not familiar with this sort of-"

"As a friend do you believe her?" Armanda asked.

"I think she has major concerns for her safety and-"

"Yeah, okay. Watch out for that greasy ass lawyer. I don't like him and I don't like his methods in court be careful," Armanda said.

"Thanks for stopping by," David said, escorting Barba out.

He closed the door behind him and looked genuinely embarrassed as he turned to Barba.

"I'm so sorry. Armanda is really defensive and she got worse after everything happened. It's no excuse for making you seem like the bad guy you've done nothing but help us," David apologized.

"Its fine. I should go home," Barba said.

"Right, goodnight Mr. Barba."

The next morning Barba got the warrants for everyone on the list the two men gave. Benson sent Fin and Rollins out with a squad for half the guys and herself and Fin went for the others. It was a big day. They also brought in some others for the lineup and had the girls come in as well. It was chaos. All the men accused asked for lawyers and of course they were on their way. The jail cell was becoming full and the office area was filled with terrified girls. Lawyers were trickling in ready to mouth off Barba while the detectives were still trying to set up a line up. To make matters worse, some of the men hired Buchanan and Calhoun as counsel. Barba wasn't this prepared for a fight, though he would take it head on.

"Mr. Barba this is ridiculous, you have a madhouse going on here," Calhoun said.

"Not my madhouse. Calhoun, your clients were listed and in a moment will be identified by girls for statutory rape as well as engaging in prostitution," Barba said.

"How do you know this list was accurate? Who are the people who named them?" Buchanan asked.

"Funny, you really think that matters? Detective Benson is going to have your clients in a line up right now, Calhoun."

Barba strode to the lineup room with Benson and one of the girls from the party. She was 16, short brown hair, and looked sweet. She was reported missing a year ago by her step father who took her in as his own after her mother passed away. The father claimed that she hit a rocky path after that which may have caused her to get caught up in older boys and drinking.

"Remember take your time, there's no rush," Benson said calmly.

A group of men entered the opposite room that can be seen through the glass. They all held up numbers and were straight faced.

"Number two. That was him," the girl said. 

"Okay, you did great. This way," Benson escorted the girl out.

The next girls identified Buchanan and Calhoun's clients and the precinct began to clear up a little. The men were still kept in a holding cell while Barba, Calhoun, Buchanan, and Benson stood in the little room in between the interrogation rooms. All the girls were able to identify at least three men each. The two defense attorneys knew they were in for another crazy case.

 “So, are you going get any to confess or are we going the usual route?” Barba asked the two.

“We need time to talk with our clients. There is a group afterall,” Calhoun sneered.

“Take your time,” Barba said, as the two lawyers walked off.

“I’ll have my detectives escort one at a time, take your pick,” Olivia said.

She went back to the desk area, gestured to Sonny and Rollins. They both sat up from their desks and assisted the lawyers.

“About how many men do we have here?’ Barba asked.

“Seven. Three big businessmen, two rich doctors,a pimp looking to buy, and one who claims he’s just a friend in the wrong place at the wrong time,” Benson replied.

“There’s always one. Let’s see how that alibi is going to play out.”

“Can I have a word? My office?”

Barba nodded and followed Olivia into her office. She shut the door behind her and lowered the blinds. Barba looked confused, but quickly readjusted himself.

“So, did you talk to Y/n?” Olivia asked.

Barba relaxed and realized it wasn’t a serious talk. To some degree it was, but he was glad it wasn’t about this hectic case he was about to get himself into.

“I did, it went as well as I expected. She seemed genuinely upset and thought I was going to tell her how she’s not good enough for me,” Barba sighed.

“Well-”

“She’s sweet, Liv. I found out she really has been trying to get clean and she thinks her old boyfriend’s friends are out to get her.”

“Tony? You put him away and Marco is dead-”

“That’s what I told her. Her roommates noticed a change in her behavior. More fear and acting paranoid,” Barba explained.

“That’s normal. She was kidnapped and raped its normal to be afraid. Is she seeing a shrink?”

“I doubt it.”

“Well if it becomes a real concern I can make some calls and have patrols around her house.”

“Actually, can you set someone up around her work around midnight? I’ll give you her work address later.”

“Of course. How is her roommate friend? The blond who had a similar name to Rollins?”

“Her usual charming self. Protective and defensive-”

“Is she the type to pretend like nothing happened?”

“Seems like it. She cares for Y/n-”

“But she teases?” Benson laughed.

“Yes she does. It’s annoying.”

“Carisi told me about the steamy note. You got your hands full, Rafa.”

“It appears I do. At work and at home.”

"It's not so bad to have a life outside of your job, right?”

“I’ve always had a life outside my job.”

“And you never told me?”

“You never asked,” Barba said.

“Fair enough. I’ll ask more often,” Bensons smiled.

There was a knock at the door and Sonny opened it. He looked concerned, and not his usual bubbly self.

“Hey, Lieutenant, Calhoun’s client wants to make a deal. He’s sticking to his ‘wrong place at the wrong time’ story,” Carisi said.

“Okay, let’s see what he has to say,” Benson said.

The man sitting across from Benson and Barba looked middle aged, genuinely scared, and like a nerd. He wore thick square glasses, was white, and had light brown hair that was starting to grey at his sideburns. He nervously sweat and continued to rub his rub his hands together.

“Are you the ADA?” the man asked.

“Yes, I am Rafael Barba and this is Lieutenant Benson. I heard you are looking for a deal? The best I can offer is two years if you didn’t touch any of the underage girls,” Barba said.

“My client had nothing to do with this sex party. He was brought by a friend and had no idea where he was going,” Calhoun said.

“That’s your story?” Barba scoffed.

“Look, I’m a family friend of Davers, we go back I’m old money. But, I’m not that close. I just got over a gambling addiction and I was trying to reconnect with the social elites to get a job. I didn’t know where I was going and once I realized what was going on and where I was at, I called 911,” the man explained.

“You called the cops?” Benson asked.

“Yeah, one of the girls looked like my nieces. I knew something was wrong.”

“My client has some information on the men hosting the party,” Calhoun jumped in.

“And what’s that?” Carisi asked.

“We want a deal first, my client is obviously innocent and a victim as well.”

“Really? A victim?’ Benson scoffed.

“I fear for my life. I- should I tell them?”

“I want protection for my client, and for him to be cleared of all charges,” Calhoun began to bargain.

“You were at that party-”

“I called the cops! Look, I have a wife and a baby girl on the way. I don’t want them hurt!” the man cried.

“Tell us why you fear your life and I’ll consider clearing charges,” Barba bargained.

“No-”

“Promise me protection first,” the man said.

“Okay, I’ll have detectives and cops with you-”

“No cops. FBI and detectives here,” the man said.

“No cops? Are you serious?” Carisi questioned.

“My client has reason to believe the NYPD are apart of this sex ring,” Calhoun said.

“Okay, tell us what happened. I will send my most trusted men to protect you,” Benson promised,

“Okay. Only trusted around my wife. I don’t want her to get hurt. I was sitting on the couch with a beer and one of the girls sat on my lap. She looked as old as my niece and I realized these weren’t girlfriends or anything. I’m slow mind you, I was a terrible gambler. I asked how old the girl was, and she told me she was seventeen! I got up and was going to another room to call the cops, I made it seem like I was going to the bathroom. I saw in a bedroom one of the little girls getting raped, and the bearded guy, he saw me and started yelling. He pulled out a gun and pointed it to my head. I ran out of there and called the cops, but they said they don’t respond to prank calls. I panicked, drove to a different precinct, and gave them the address of the house the girls were at. I didn’t touch anyone, I swear on my unborn child!”

“My client is willing to testify, with protection from the NYPD of course. And all the charges cleared? He didn't engage in any intercourse nor did he touch any of the girls-"

"I'll drop them for now. But if I find out you're lying-"

"I promise, I'm not. Ask any of them!"

"Okay Mr-"

"Wilson."

"Okay Mr. Wilson. Can you describe the girl you saw being raped?" Benson asked.

"I don't remember well it was all a rush. I'm afraid I'll mix up the one that approached me and the one that was raped. If I saw pictures I'm sure I can pick her out. Everything happened so fast," Wilson said.

"Okay. I'll get pictures ready," Sonny said.

"Since we are clear of charges, can my client go? He has a concerned wife at home," Calhoun said.

"Don't lose contact I'll have to get a warrant, " Barba warned.

"I'm not going anywhere. Be careful who you send I bet those other cops are paid off!" Wilson said, being escorted by Calhoun.

"Do you think he's right?" Barba asked Benson as Wilson left the room.

"His story checks out. We were called in by another precinct on the complaints of a citizen who claimed the cops weren't helping. None of the girls claimed that the two who gave up the names raped them. I'll have Rollins and Fin interview them again," Benson said.

"Call me when something pops up. With Buchanan and Calhoun I'm in for a crazy treat!"

Chapter Text

You were still upset with Barba. You decided not to text him or call him and hoped he forgot about Sunday. You were clearly upset, which showed up in your work. The older blond man from the other night saw your distress and decided to take advantage. Still, you didn't accept his advances and he was getting annoying. You just wanted peace and to be left alone. Of course with both your jobs that never happened. Saturday night came and it was busy at the bar. You had to remind yourself it was just a few more hours. It would have been faster if the blond would stop bothering you.

"Please, just dinner-"

"No," you cut the man off.

"Now come on. Things aren't working with your boyfriend-"

"No! I said no!" You nearly shouted. 

A tall man in a black suit jacket and white button up approached the blond man and whispered something into his ear. The blond man looked frightened and walked away from the bar. The man in the suit jacket smiled at you, ran his fingers through wavy brown hair, and smiled. He had perfect teeth, and light brown eyes and tanned skin from what seems like a vacation. He looked around your age and seemed charming. 

"Sorry about that, on behalf of all men. I promise not all are-"

"Stupid, I know. Whatever you said to him to get him to go away, thanks," you said. 

"Its my duty, I got to protect pretty girls. So he always bug you?" the man asked. 

"Yeah, I think its fine now. I don't see you here often," you said.

"I just got back into town from a month long vacation. I toured the Caribbean and then decided to take a little detour in Italy."

"That's a big detour."

"What can I say I love the Caribbean, but I love the Italian coast more. How long have you been working here?" the man asked.

"Just a month barely. I missed working at a bar but now I'm regretting it. Somehow I still prefer this over Starbucks," you smiled.

"Customer service is a wild line of work. Can I get rum and coke?"

"Sure," you made the man his drink and slid it to him.

There was something about this man that kept up your curiosity. You wanted to ask more questions, thank him again, or just tell him to keep his eyes off you. They weren't intimidating or memorizing like Barba's. It was a strange feeling in your gut that kept you on your toes. 

"My name is Scott, by the way," the man said. 

"I'm Y/n. Do you need anything else?" You asked.

"No, just one drink will do. How about I leave you my number, just in case the creep shows up again," Scott said.

You didn't have time to respond before he handed you a card. It was a black card with gold lettering. You knew that sugar relationships were common at the bar you worked at. Although you were upset with Barba you still felt bad for taking this man's card. You didn't want him getting any ideas.

"I don't sugar date-"

"Oh, I didn't expect that. Just a nice gesture."

"I'm seeing someone," you said.

"I'm sure he won't mind. Call me if you need anything," Scott said, and left the bar. 

If this didn't make a long night longer you don't know what did. The bar closed and you helped clean up once everyone was gone. You started walking and noticed a police car parked on your trail. You huffed and decided to call Barba and ask him if that was his doing. You turned on your phone and saw a missed call from David and Barba. You called David first but it went to voicemail. You called Barba next and he picked up right away.

"Rafael-"

"Hey, how was work?" Barba asked.

"Fine. Interesting as always. How was your day?" 

"Complicated. Long and eventful. Do you still want to have dinner Sunday night?" 

"I- uh..."

You wanted to say no. You wanted to still tell him off for accusing you of setting him up. You could always do that at dinner or wherever you met up. 

"I'm really sorry for making accusations. I'll try to make it up to you but I know the damage is done," Barba apologized again.

"Rafael I don't know what to say," you sighed.

"I understand if you're upset. Can we talk it over dinner? My treat," Barba pleaded.

"Okay, yeah. Where at and what time?" you gave in.

"I'll pick you up from your apartment. Wear something a little more... formal but not too fancy," Barba said.

"Oh, okay. Nothing too pricey I will feel bad," you said.

'No need. I'll pick you up around seven. Is that okay?"

"Yeah it's okay. I'll see you tomorrow at seven. Go to bed! It's super late!" you said.

"Are you home yet?" 

"No. I'm almost to the subway."

"Stay on the line with me until you're underground. Then call me back, okay?" Barba said.

"Okay, I'm actually about to go under-"

"That's fine I'll talk to you in a bit," Barba said.

You hung up. You were starting to love and hate this man at the same time. He wanted to make sure you were safe and he seemed really sorry for hurting you. You wanted to forgive him and you were planning to, but this wasn't the first time he thought you were going behind his back. Barba had to promise this was going to be the last time he was going to accuse you of trying to hurt him. You didn't do anything wrong the last time and you weren't doing anything this time either. This was frustrating you always fell for the guys with a wall around their hearts. At the same time, he let you into his home and he wanted to get back with you after all you've been through. He wanted to help you when you were broken and he lifted you up at a trying time. You wanted to hate him for distrusting you but you couldn't. You owed him so much. You swore if meals were over 50 bucks you were going to call him out.   

You got off the subway and saw a text message from David. He just wondered how you were and to text him as you were walking. You texted him back saying you were okay and going to call Barba. You stopped at a cross walk and actually called him back.

"Hey Rafael," you said.

"Hello, how are you," Rafael yawned, as he answered the phone.

"Did I wake you up?" You asked.

"No I'm fine. I had coffee awhile ago it should be kicking in. How was your day?"

"Are you telling me you had a cup of coffee to stay up for me?" you asked.

"I had a lot of coffee today. You know how much I drink," Barba lightly chuckled.

He sounded beyond tired so you picked up your pace as you headed to your apartment. 

"Yeah I know. Like Armanda would say just grow up and do a line of coke," you joked.

"An ADA doing coke. That would be one hell of a headline."

"Yeah, we've had worse," you laughed to yourself.

"I don't think you hitting on me was worse."

"I'd rather take the coke. You could always recover from drug addictions but never from heartache," you said, thinking out loud.

"Was that about you?' Barba asked.

"I'm a recovering alcoholic, Rafael. I think I know what's easier," you said.

"I-uh- sorry if I-"

"You're fine, Rafael. We'll talk more at dinner. I'm almost home if you're tired you can sleep."

"No no... I just want to make sure you're home safe," Barba said.

"Thank you, Rafael. I'm at the building right now it's okay."

"I'll hang up once you're inside. Did you have to go to both jobs today?" 

"Yeah, but tomorrow I just have Starbucks and evening and night off. I'm really starting to hate men. No offense," you sighed, getting out your keys. 

"None taken. I hope you don't mind-"

"Patrols on my way home. I figured that was you. Thank you I really appreciate it. It makes me feel a little less crazy," you said, entering your apartment. 

David was passed out on the couch with his laptop open and television still on. The 90's Nickelodeon shows were playing and you heard the shower going. You assumed it was Armanda was showering and turned off the T.V.

"Was that Fresh Prince?" Barba yawned on the phone.    

"Yeah David was watching it while writing. He tried to stay up for me. You need to sleep," you said.

"You're in your apartment, right?" Barba asked.

"Yeah, I'm home. Go to sleep, Rafi," you yawned yourself.

"Rafi? Nicknames all ready?" 

"I'm sorry. I'm tired too. I'm going to go to sleep too," you said.

You put the phone on speaker as you entered your room and began to take your work clothes off. You didn't have enough energy to change into pajamas. Rafael was a little concerned by your sudden radio silence and rubbed his face. 

"You still there?" Barba asked.

"Yeah I just changed," you said, plopping yourself onto the bed.

"What was that?"

"Me throwing myself onto my bed. My feet are killing me," you said. 

You took him off speaker and held your phone to your ear again.

"Are you going to sleep right now?" 

"Yeah, goodnight Rafi," you said.

You couldn't see it but Barba smiled while rubbing his puffy tired eyes. 

"Goodnight, Y/n. I can't wait to see you tomorrow."

Barba hung up and returned to his files. He had stayed up partly for you and partly going over his case. Wilson's story checked out and he dropped the charges in return of him testifying. However, none of the girls wanted to admit or accuse the two men of rape. They only identified the party goers, but not the pimps. This was going to be one of those cases unless one of the girls were brave enough to admit Arturo, the bearded man, raped them. Barba knew you were right and it was time he went to bed. He had made reservations to a nice restaurant he went to once with a group of friends he lost touch with. It was a little on the pricey side, but he didn't mind at all. He wanted to unwind and take his mind off the case just for a little while.  

Barba headed to bed and pulled the pillow you slept on the other night close to him. It still smelled like your shampoo and perfume and he couldn't get enough. Maybe he would ask if you wanted to spend the night again. He didn't want you to do a walk of shame in a nice dress maybe he would go out and get you some clothes. Barba took Sunday off to prep himself for the date. He couldn't remember the last time he went on a date besides the impromptu Italian dinner. Barba didn't want to psych himself out before tomorrow, so it was time for bed. 

The next morning you woke up and rushed out of the apartment. You didn't have enough time today to get a new dress. All your nice dresses lost their luster or just didn't fit like they used to. You asked David to go dress shopping and left a 50 dollar bill on the counter for him with your dress size and telling him to go to Forever 21. They always had nice stuff on the cheaper side. You rushed to work and the moment you clocked in you just wanted to go home. You clocked in early to leave earlier to get ready. You wanted to take your time with your look tonight just in case it was a really nice place Barba was taking you. If your dress wasn't the best, you could always compensate with jewelry and makeup.

After your shift, you rushed at home and found David taking out a dress out of a bag.

"They were having a sale! Buy one get one 50% off I thought I'd give you options ," David said.

He pulled out a black dress that was long and looked like it would be form fitting. It had a sweetheart neckline and was off the shoulder you could see yourself wearing that with gold hoops you had.

"I got a basic little black dress but longer because I know you don't like showing off anymore. Also I found this," David said, pulling out another dress.

It was a white dress with blue and pink floral print. It was a v-wired tube dress with the hem not matching as if leaving a little slit if it had been longer. You didn't know what to say and just stared blankly at both dresses. 

"I just thought you might want to go bold-"

"They're both cute! Thank you! I'll see which one I'm feeling. See watching project runway with me wasn't a waste of time!" You smiled.

"I made it work! Oh and I got you earrings on sale. Are the stores earrings okay?"

"Depends. Thank you, David!" You said, grabbing the bags and dresses. 

You ran into the bathroom and got out of your work clothes. You decided to take a shower so you wouldn't smell like coffee. You put your hair up in a bun hoping it wouldn't get too wet and jumped in the shower. 

 Your phone went off but you didn't want to answer it. You were too comfortable under the warm water to deal with any phone calls. You quickly washed up and reluctantly left the relaxing heat.

You grabbed a towel wrapped yourself up. You left your robe in your room this morning and forgot to bring it into the bathroom with you. You didn't feel like trying on the dresses in the bathroom so you took scurried out of the bathroom to your room. Luckily David was focused on his laptop screen while drinking coffee. You made it to your room and sighed feeling the cool air hit you. You wished you were warm again. You found your robe and switched it with the towel. You went through your dresser and picked out a white strapless push-up bra just in case you chose the white dress. You looked through your underwear drawer and found you only had you sexy panties left. Well, that wouldn't hurt tonight. You put some clothes on and stared at the two dresses you laid out on your bed. You decided to try on the black one first just to see what it looked like. You slipped on the dress and pulled out a full length mirror from your closet. You examined the dress and your figure and liked the way the black dress looked on you. You wanted to get a second opinion and stepped outside your room. 

"David? How does this look?' You called.

"Cute! You look nice," David said, looking up from his laptop. 

"Okay, how would Heidi Klum judge this?' You asked.

"Manda isn't here, I don't as good as an impression. But, it could be more sexy! Try the other one on," David said.

"Okay I'll try the other one," you said.

You went back to your room and tried on the white dress. You were nervous, it was a sexy dress. The neckline showed the middle of your white bra and you knew you didn't have anything else. You looked at the lining of the dress had padding for a bra. You walked out of your room nervously and stood in front of David waiting for him to look up from his laptop. He finished the sentence he was typing and looked up stunned.

"Yes," David said.

"I look okay?"

"Yes! This dress! Save the other one for later. Only if you feel comfortable though. Do you have white heels?" 

"I will look. But I don't know. I will have to take off my... It has padding-"

"Wear what ever makes you comfortable. Also, I would text Barba I think he tried calling," David said.

"Right, I will call," you said.

You went back into your room and finally looked at your phone. It was a missed call from Barba and you felt a little bad for ignoring him. You called him back and like always he picked up right away.

"Hey, are you okay?" Barba asked when he answered the phone.

"Fine, just got out of the shower and trying to pick a dress to wear," you answered.

"Oh okay. I was calling just to make sure you still wanted to go out tonight," Barba said. 

"Yeah I do. What colors are you wearing?" 

"Colors? I haven't decided. Why?"

"I'm having a real hard time. Its only two dresses but I'm struggling," you sighed.

"Want to send me pictures?" Barba offered.

"Sure. Hold on," You said.

You hung up and took a picture of yourself in the white dress and then changed back into the black one. Barba couldn't believe how beautiful you were. He looked at both pictures over and over again and wondered how you ever taken interest in him. Barba was taken out of his trance when his phoned buzzed and you called him again. Barba cleared his throat and answered your call.

"Yes?'

"Which one?' You asked.

"Oh I uh- I can't decide either."

"Well you're a lot of help," you laughed.

"You're beautiful," Barba said. 

"Thank you. But seriously which one?" 

"I like the white one. You can wear the black one another time we go out. If you want to."

"Let the first date end first before asking me out again," you giggled. "Besides, you might find I'm annoying when I'm sober."

"I lived with you for two weeks, you're not annoying when you're sober," Barba said.

"Point taken. As you can see I need to put on a face and fix my hair. I'll see you in a bit, Rafi."

"Mm, I'll see you in a bit," Barba said and hung up.That was his cue to get ready for the evening. You and Barba took your time to get ready wanting your looks to be perfect to impress each other. It was nearing seven and you finished setting your makeup with spray. You had your hair in curlers and began taking them down quickly. It was an old fashioned way of doing it but you liked the soft big curls it gave you. Also, Armanda gave it to you the curler set as a gift after one month of living with them. You heard a knock at the door and assumed it was Barba. 

"DAVID-"

"I got it!" David yelled back.

You quickly took out the rest of the curls and ran your fingers through your hair a couple of times. You touched up your lipstick, and found fake pearl earrings from the Forever 21 haul and quickly shoved them through your earlobe. It stung you haven't wore earrings in awhile, but you shook off the pain. You were about to walk out of the room but took one last look at yourself in the mirror. Your legs looked a little ashy so you quickly grabbed lotion from your counter and rubbed it in as fast as you could. You found white heels and slipped them on. You thought you had everything and did a double take to your bed and grabbed your purse. You felt very frantic and panicked. 

You took a deep breath and opened the door finally feeling like you had everything. You saw Babra standing in your living room in a tan suit, white shirt with the first few buttons not put together, and a white pocket hankie. His hair was in his usual style and he slid his suit jacket back a little to reveal suspenders. He smiled at you, his green eyes flashing. You felt like it was the first time you saw him in the precinct standing in his nice suit. This man made you melt. 

"Are you ready?' Barba asked.

"I love the way you look," you blurted. 

You snapped out of la la land and listened to Barba's question.

"Yes, I'm ready! Sorry! I was just-"

"You look beautiful," Barba complimented.

"Thank you I- you picked out this dress-"

"Told you it was good!" David said from his laptop.

"Shall we?" Barba offered his hand.

"Yes. Don't wait up, Armanda knows I'm out I'll text you when I'm on my way home," you told David.

"Okay, I want her back by nine," David joked.

"Ha ha. I'll see you later," you smiled.

You forgot all about being upset with Barba on your way there. You were too memorized by his look, his charm, and your urge to grab him by the suspenders to kiss him. You held back your urge, but Barba caught you glancing at his lips from time to time. 

People who looked at you and Barba would say he was the lucky one with the gorgeous girl on his arm. You on the other hand felt like the luckiest girl in the world with a handsome well manored man by your side with a kick of sass. When you entered the restaurant you noticed the nicer setting and obviously richer crowd. You turned to Barba with a glare which caught him by surprise. 

"Is there something wrong?" Barba asked.

"If the soda here is more than a dollar fifty I will scream," you threatened. 

"Well then soda will moisten your vocal chords-'

"Rafael! I told you nothing too-"

"Hi, a reservation for Barba," Barba said, cutting you off. 

The waitress smiled, grabbed two menus and gestured for you and Barba to follow. You passed rows of tables and was lead to a more secluded area in the back of the restaurant. You were seated at a round table decorated with a white tablecloth that had gold embroidery along with a rose in the center placed in a glass vase. Barba pulled the chair for you and pushed you in once you sat down. You decided to take this opportunity to look at the menu and you glared at Barba again.

"Is the soda two dollars?" 

"Rafael-"

"Can I get you started with anything to drink?" The waitress asked.

"Water-"

"A scotch and a soda for the lady. What type do you want?" Barba asked.

"Coke. I'm going to do a line later, " you said referring to your previous conversation.

The waitress kept her smile even though you could tell she was uncomfortable. She headed to the kitchen with your drink orders leaving you and Barba alone. 

"She's going to talk about us to her coworkers, " you said. 

"Well you just said you were going to do a line of coke later."

"Yeah, 'cause you're driving me crazy!" You said. 

"How am I driving you crazy?"

"Rafael I said nothing too pricey. And where do you take me?"

"I can think of five different places worse than this. I thought you would like it. They have good shrimp-"

"I don't care about shrimp! That's what Popeyes is for!"

"I'm sorry. We can leave-"

"No... I'm sorry, " you said,  feeling like an idiot. 

The truth was you didn't feel good enough for this moment. You were at a nice restaurant with a half off dress and cheap earrings. All the other women at the restaurant probably had real pearls and bought their dressed at high end boutiques. They probably came from wealthy families or married rich but still had some nice background. You were with a well educated man who went to Harvard and had a good job. You were a bartender and a barista how could you compete with anyone in the room.

Barba could tell you were still upset and reached for your hand. You looked up from the menu and looked into his eyes. That always seemed to calm you down. 

"If you feel uncomfortable-"

"No I'm fine. Thank you Rafael,  I'm not used to this special treatment, " you said. 

"Well you deserve it. You look amazing, everyone was staring, " Barba complimented again.

"They were? I didn't notice," you said. 

"Really? You didn't notice the old man looking at your ass? I shot him down, of course," 

"No! I was too busy looking at you!" You said, shocked.

You realized what you just admitted and a sudden heat came to your face. Barba smiled and you retreated to the menu.

"So the shrimp is good?" You asked, changing the subject.

"Yes, the shrimp is good. Also the chicken... you were staring at me the whole time?" 

"I- you just- the salads sound good," you said, desperately trying to recover. 

"Please don't get the salads. Get something real for dinner," Barba said.

"Okay okay! Shrimp and- nope!"

"What? What were you looking at? Besides me."

"I think I'll get the soup-"

"What were you looking at? Tell me," Barba pressed.

"Rafael I really-"

"Y/n please. You can get anything you want. Don't feel like you don't deserve this you do. Its just dinner,  not a diamond ring," Barba said.

You gave into Barba's words and let out an little huff.

"The shrimp and steak sounds good," you said quietly. 

"Okay, is that what you want?" Barba asked. 

"Probably... wait... duck? Duck as in Daffy?" You laughed to yourself. 

"No I believe as in Donald," Barba replied jokingly. 

"Sorry, when I think of duck served I think of a Christmas story where they cut off its head right in front of the family!"

"Do you want to try to duck?"

"I think I'm good with cow and shrimp. What are you getting?" You asked Barba. 

"I don't know. Since you brought up steak thats starting to sound yummy."

"Wait, say that again," you grinned.

"What? Yummy?" 

"Mhm... yummy, " you continued to smile. 

Babra shook his head and looked back at the menu. He couldn't believe you were staring at him the whole way here. He wondered why you were so insecure at a place like this. Barba wondered if you ever were taken to a nice place with your other boyfriends before and if not how could they deprive you of such a treat. He assumed every man you were with would want to show you off.

The waitress came back with the drinks and some water in addition. Barba ordered for you and for himself and apologized for the coke comment. 

"Its an inside joke," Barba explained. 

"No problem. I'll be out with your food," the waitress smiled.

"Thanks," you said as the waitress left.

You noticed without a menu to hide behind you had to face Barba. You remembered you wanted to talk about how he made you upset, but it seemed like it would be inappropriate since he was paying for everything. 

"I grew up in the Bronx, I'm not really used to this either," Barba admitted. 

"Wait you... like the Bronx,  Bronx? As in the Bronx here?" You asked, shocked.

"Yes, the Bronx here."

"Oh, I assumed since you went to Harvard-"

"Scholarship. Even then times were tough and I... I struggled I know how it is," Barba said.

"Yeah, but you made it. I'm still struggling."

"You hit a rough patch in your life. Its okay, nothing to be ashamed of."

You sipped your soda biting back your tongue from a stupid remark. Rafael guessed you still didn't  believe him, but moved on in the conversation.

"So, do I really drive you crazy?" Barba asked.

You lightly giggled and put your drink down. 

"No I was being dramatic, I'm sorry," you smiled. "You Rafael Barba are the most sane person in my life."

"Oh, no relatives-"

"Bat shit crazy and melodramatic. They put the Kardashians to shame in pettiness and drama. Except my grandma, but she's just one of those people who speaks her mind and doesn't care. Not like the racist uncle stereotype, but she speaks her mind," you said.

"Oh do you still talk to her? You mentioned you write letters to her when you were staying over," Barba said.

"Oh yeah. I didn't for awhile but once I actually got an address I started writing letters again."

"That's cute. Does your family miss you?" 

"Hell no! A niece and my grandmother maybe.  Besides that, no. Trust me it's better that way."

"Um, speaking of trust-" 

You knew this conversation was coming. You couldn't avoid it any longer, but you needed to talk about the accusations. 

"Speaking of trust, I'm sorry again for accusing you of-"

"Rafael, you are forgiven. I just wish you trusted me more. I mean, there has to be just a little there for you to come back," you said.

"I know, I'm sorry. Its just there's a really... complicated case going on right now and Tootell is back and he- I shouldn't have listened to him. I have no reason to trust him or his judgment. I should of given you the benefit of the doubt," Barba apologized. 

"Rafael, its okay. I understand your job is tough you make a lot of enemies putting people away. You don't know who to trust. Is there anything I could start doing to earn that trust?" You asked. 

 "Just be honest. Try not to keep things from me and be open with your feelings. I know you've been through a lot and I'll try to understand the best that I can. No more games," Barba said.

Fuck this man you loved him. Why was it so easy for him to make your heart flutter and let your guard down? You knew what a healthy relationship was like you had one at one point of your life. Then again those crashed and burned drastically at the end. You felt different and safe with Barba... you always had.

"Okay. I'll try my best," you said.

"Is there anything I can do to... trust goes both ways," Barba said. 

He reached for your hand and placed his on top of yours. You liked the way that looked and lifted Barba's hands to your lips. 

"Promise me you'll never think I would hurt you because I won't. If I do its unintentional, I would never hurt you, Rafi," you said. 

"Is that all?"

"Yeah, also don't hit me," you tried to make light of yourself.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Barba said.

It was his turn to kiss your hand you swore you were going to scream at the touch of his lips. You felt like a highschool girl again getting attention from your boy crush and you could swear it was the type of love you saw in the movies. 

The food came and it looked amazing. You forgot to eat today and was starved. The steak was sizzling and it was tender, juicy, flavorful. You savored each bite of the steak and shrimp letting out a little moan here and there just from how good the food was. Barba stopped cutting his own steak and raised his eyebrows at the sound of your third moan.

"Are you eating that? Or are you eating that?" Barba asked.

"Sorry I'll be normal!" You apologized. 

Barba didn't mind you were quirky. He thought it was cute you were full of surprises. The moans brought him to another idea, but he stopped those thoughts remembering to take things slow. 

You noticed Barba's eyes scanning you as he continued to eat and you stiffened. He watched you tense up and focused on his food. You knew Barba wouldn't just want to sleep with you after, but it was a natural reaction. 

"The shrimp is good, " you said. 

"I'm glad you like it. Do you want dessert?"

"No, this is enough. I don't think I can finish it all. Thank you again-"

"I told you I'd make it up to you," Barba smiled. 

"Not to sound cliche but tell me about yourself. I feel like you know more about me than I do about you," you said.

"Well I grew up in the Bronx. I went to Harvard on a scholarship... I have a friend who owns a yacht..."

"And you live and breathe your work. I bet you were popular when you were growing up, " you said. 

"No I wasn't. I had a mouth that almost got me into fights. But I always had friends to defend me,  just two of them however. "

"Okay but the ladies loved you, right?" 

"No..."

"Fellas?"

"No... I think I've had one real girlfriend in total. And my mother is religious-"

"She wouldn't approve then?" 

"She's gotten over it..."

"Do you keep in touch with your two friends?" You asked. 

Barba paused to figure out how to answer this question without getting into heavy details. Every so often Barba brought Eddie's son to see him in prison when his mother couldn't. He hasn't heard from Alex or Yelina with good reason. He destroyed his friends lives. You realized by the pause you hit a touchy subject and wanted to move on. 

"Your mother sounds... nice. You told me she works at a charter school before, right?" You changed the subject. 

"Yes single handedly. I don't know what the kids would do without her," Barba answered. 

"How sweet. That's where your dedication comes from. "

"No I think it comes from just wanting to do the right thing. Are you sure-"

"I'm positive no dessert! You're sweet enough,  Rafi," you flirted, tracing your finger on the table. 

"If you told the squad that they wouldn't believe you, " Barba chuckled.

"Mmm," you hummed tending back to your food. 

You and Barba finished your food and headed out the door after everything was paid.  You held onto Barba's arm constantly kissing his hand on your way to the subway. Before you both went underground Barba stopped and turned to you. 

"Do you want to spend the night?" Barba asked.

This wasn't an unusual question after a dinner date, you just didn't expect it from Barba. 

"We don't have to do anything again I just-"

"Oh! Then yes of course! I should go home and grab work clothes first.  I have work in the morning, " you said. 

"Okay, we can stop by your apartment. Then we're taking a cab I'm tired of walking everywhere. "

You quickly threw everything you needed to get ready into a bag once you got into your apartment. Armanda slipped a condom into Barba's pocket and winked as he waited for you to pack. Barba knew he wasn't going to use it, but decided to keep it just in case. You went back to Barba's apartment exhausted and ready to sleep. Barba took his coat and took your bag from you. He headed towards his room and put his coat and your bag away in his closet. He remembered the condom and decided to place that in his nightstand by his bed for whenever the occasion called for it.

You sat on Barba's couch scrolling through your phone mindlessly and liking pictures. Barba sat besides you and rolled up his sleeves. You never thought you could be turned on by a man simply rolling up his sleeves but here you were. You scooted closer to Barba wondering what his intentions were next. He took this as a sign to get a little more intimate. Barba was nervous, but tilted your chin up and planted a soft quick kiss.

"What do you want from me, counselor?" You asked, softly.

"A sober kiss," Barba said. 

He leaned in again for another kiss, this time you placed one hand on his cheek and another on his chest deepening the kiss. Barba pulled you onto his lap and moved his arm around your waist and his hand down to your thigh. You moved your hand on Rafael's chest a little lower and your hand on his face to play with his hair. 

Rafael broke the kiss not wanting to take things too far. You planted multiple kisses on Rafael's neck being careful not to get your lipstick on his collar. Barba rubbed circles with his thumb on your thigh as you kept kissing and nearly licking his neck. You stopped for a moment and kissed his lips again.

"You like that, Rafi?" You asked, teasing. 

Barba hummed in response and gave you another quick kiss. You kissed him back passionately while playing with his suspenders. Barba moved his hand a little more up your thigh past the hem of your dress. His other hand lowered from your waist to hips but broke the kiss again.

"We should stop. I don't want to do anything you're not comfortable with," Barba said. 

"I'm fine right now. How's your first sober kiss with me?" You asked. 

"Perfect," Barba said,  planting another light kiss on your lips.

"How many times have I kissed you drunk?" 

"Let me think.... three... four times? You've seen me in my underwear-"

"No no! You saw me in my underwear the other night-"

"You don't remember barging in on me while I was changing?" Barba laughed.

"No! When did this happen? I think I would remember seeing you in whatever type of underwear you wear," you said, snapping his suspenders. 

"Huh, you were that wasted?"

"I must have been! Gosh, I'm so sorry."

Barba kissed your forehead, then your lips again. He patted your thigh and sighed.

"Bed time. You want to-"

"Yes-"

"You don't even know what I was going to say!"

"Whatever it is... I want you. I'm with you all the way," you said. 

Barba smiled and patted your thigh again. He was glad to have brought you over. After everything that had happened and all the possible crazy stuff that will eventually come, it was worth a moment like this.

 "Well then let's go to bed," Barba said. 

You and Barba headed towards his bedroom stealing passionate kisses on the way until finally you were on his bed. Rafael hovered over you as you sat on the edge of his bed. You did what you wanted to do all night. You grabbed him by the suspenders and pulled Barba in for a hot, tongue filled kiss. Barba lost his balance and fell right on top of you sending you both laying on the bed. He broke the kiss a little embarrassed but you laughed it off.

Barba supported himself up with his forearms and looked down your slipping dress.

"We shouldn't take it this far yet," Barba thought outloud. 

"Okay I'm fine with that. Help me get out of this dress?" 

Barba rolled off of you letting you sit up. You moved your hair away from your back and tried to look behind you to see if Barba would help. He took the hint sliding over to you carefully unzipping the back of your dress. You loved the way his hands ghosted down your back as he pulled the zipper down. You remembered you weren't wearing a bra and quickly caught the top of your dress and held it to your chest.

"Your clothes are in the closet, " Barba said.

"Thank you," you said. 

You still held onto the dress as you stood rummaged through your bag for a bra and your pajamas. Barba noticed your lack of a back strap and turned to his own clothing to give you some privacy. He stood up, looking down at his bulge in his pants growing from finally being kissed and touched. You popped your head from the opening of your shirt and watched Barba fidgeted with his pajamas while standing. 

"Were you waiting for me?" You asked. 

Barba turned around and began scanning you from your legs up. You wore short shorts as pajama bottoms and an oversized shirt creating the illusion of nothing underneath. 

"Sit down, " you told Rafael. 

Barba listened but crossed his legs as he sat at the edge of his bed. You raised your eyebrows and placed Barba's knees side by side. You looked at the growing bulge from his pants wondering why he would cover that up as you sat on Barba's lap straddling him. You slowly slid Barba's suspenders down his shoulders and past his upper arms. He lifted his arms out of the suspenders and placed both his hands on your hips. You began unbuttoning Barba's shirt while looking into his eyes as you fiddled with the buttons. Once unbuttoned, you slowly and lightly brushed your hands down Barba's bare torso watching his chest rise and fall until you reached the top of his pants. You sucked on Barba's neck as you unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants.

"Oh dios mio," Barba moaned.

As you kept sucking, you moved your hips a little away from Rafael's pelvic area and finally unzipped his pants.

"I got it from here," Barba breathed, holding back a moan. 

You kissed Barba furiously laying him down so you were in more control. You trailed your kisses from his lips to his chin, neck, chest, soft belly, lower abdomen, and finally to the hem of his open pants. You slid Rafael's pants down noticing the full outline of his dick in his briefs. You planted a little kiss on what you assumed was the tip before climbing on top of Barba again. You were wet and you swore you soaked through your thin layer of shorts right on top of Barba's hard member. 

"Y/n-"

You stopped Barba's words with a kiss as you grinded against him. Barba loved the friction, but stopped your hips while he still had the will power. 

"Y/n, I need to change," Barba said. 

You got off of Barba and allowed him to change into his pajamas. You felt a little guilty for acting sexually. You still wanted him and you hoped he still wanted you. Barba gestured for you to get under the covers once he turned off the lights. You and Barba laid beneath the sheets facing each other both afraid to make another move. 

"Good night,  Y/n," Barba said.

"Good night, Rafi," you yawned. 

You gave Barba a quick kiss goodnight which of course turned into a passionate one. You nuzzled your head against Barba's chest taking in the last scent of his cologne before closing your eyes and drifting to sleep.

Barba couldn't believe he had that much self control. When you were sucking on his neck he wanted to flip you on your back and take you right then and there. He thought back to all the times he wanted to just take off your clothes and let himself go. Barba's boner wasn't going away and he had no privacy to relieve himself.

He ran his fingers through your hair as you slept slightly regretting not touching another place... Barba reminded himself not to take it too fast. You were assaulted and didn't know how comfortable and recovered you were. You seemed ready to go down on him right on the spot too. Maybe next date you could take it a little further. Next time, definitely next time.

Chapter Text

The next morning Barba woke up still close to you and smiled. His smile however quickly faded as he noticed he had a morning springer. He got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom hoping he could save himself from embarrassment. Barba turned on the sink and splashed water on his face to feel a more awake. He looked in the mirror and examined an odd red mark on his neck. 

"Oh shit," Barba whispered to himself. 

He would never hear the end of this. Barba rushed to the kitchen and grabbed a spoon and put it in the freezer. He couldn't waltz into the precinct or work in general with a hickey on his neck. Hickeys were a young man's game, something he would of proudly wore in his high school days but not now in a professional setting. 

"Good morning," you said, standing in the kitchen. 

"Morning. How did you sleep?" Barba asked, trying to think of a way to cover his neck.

"Good, I sleep better when I'm with you. What's the matter?" 

"Nothing. I'm going to shower. Did you need to use the restroom?"

"No, I'll brush my teeth when you get out. Want me to make you a cup of coffee?"

"Sure, thank you-"

"Oh shit! Did I do that?" You gasped. 

You touched Barba's neck and had a sheepish grin on your face. Barba grabbed your hand and kissed it. He didn't want you to touch his hickey. 

"Its fine. I have a spoon in the freezer right now," Barba said. 

"I'm sorry, " you laughed.

You couldn't believe you left him a hickey. You swore you weren't sucking on his neck too much. 

"Does your shirt cover it up?" 

"We will see. I'll be right out," Barba sighed.

You watched Barba walk away in a hurry your face burned with second hand embarrassment, but you had to admit this was funny. A big time lawyer with a hickey on his neck for everyone to see. You made Barba his coffee while still laughing to yourself. You looked for the time and went back to the room to change. 

While in the shower, Barba realized he didn't bring a change of clothes with him into the bathroom. He wondered how you would react to seeing him in more light and shook his head. 'Keep it together,  Rafael 'he thought to himself. He turned off the water after a quick wash and stepped out of the shower. He grabbed a towel and looked down to see if he was calm yet. Embarrassment was usually did the trick. He was calm and sighed with relief. Barba wrapped his towel around his lower half bracing himself for judgement. When Barba opened the door you were dressed and brushing out your hair. You turned to Barba and licked your lips watching water droplets roll down his skin and off his hair. 

"I'll let you change. I need to put on eyeliner anyway, " you said, stopping yourself from grabbing him right there.

You thought a quick wet kiss wouldn't hurt. You put your hand on Barba's wet chest wanting to play with his hair and kissed him on the lips quickly. You picked up your makeup bag from the bed and went into the steamy bathroom. Barba was surprised that you were so attracted to him. He could tell you were holding back your desire for him and he reminded himself for right now that was okay. 

Barba dried himself and picked out his three piece suit for the day. Without realizing it Barba was wearing your favorite colors in his tie and button up shirt. You stepped out of the bathroom ready for the day and stopped dead in your tracks. Barba raised an eyebrow as he fixed his tie.

"What's wrong?" Barba asked. 

"Are you trying to tease me?"

"I'm sorry?"

You rushed to Barba's side and pulled on his tie bringing his forehead to yours. 

"This is my favorite color," you slid your hand from the back of his collar to the front of his chest, "and so it this. Are you trying to seduce me counselor?" 

"No, but if I knew it was this easy I would have done it sooner," Barba said. 

Barba crashed his lips onto yours while snaking his hands around you pulling you closer. You moaned a little into the kiss as you slid your tounge into Barba's mouth. Barba knew this would lead to a late morning and broke the kiss. He still had to comb his hair drink his coffee and brush his teeth. 

"I need to finish up," Barba said. 

"I can still see the hickey, Rafi. I'll check on the spoon," you said.

"Thank you, I don't want the others to um..."

"Yeah I know," you laughed.

You kissed Barba on the cheek and headed towards the kitchen for his spoon and coffee. Barba quickly finished getting ready with ten minutes to spare before heading out the door. You brought him his coffee to the bedroom and held up the spoon. 

"I have makeup that might cover it up too," you said. 

"It won't go away with just the spoon trick?" 

"Have you had a hickey before?"

"No this is my first time," Barba admitted.

"Wait, I took your hickey virginity?" You said, putting the back of the cold spoon to Barba's neck. 

"I don't think thats a thing," Barba said. 

'You know what I mean! Keep this here and let me look for something." You rummaged through your makeup bag pulling out concealer and powder Foundation. 

"I didn't ask for a makeover."

"Rafael this is going to cover it up."

"I can wear a scarf," Barba said.

"Please, I promise this has no shimmer," you pleaded.

"I have to go. I'll see you later," Barba said, and kissed your forehead as he got up from the bed.

"I'm going to meet you for lunch and I'll bring another cold spoon," you said. 

"You don't have to I'll be fine," Barba said, pulling a scarf from his drawer and wrapping it around his neck. 

"I wasn't asking. I'll call you to see where you're at. I'll walk you out I need to get to work too," you said, grabbing your purse. "Can I stop by later, and get my stuff?"

"Or you could stay again," Barba offered.

"I would love that, but I don't want you to wait up for me. I work really late tonight," you said. 

"Okay, then I'll drop your stuff then at your apartment," Barba said. 

You both rushed out of the apartment and onto the street. You kissed Barba goodbye and you both headed separate ways. 

When Barba arrived to his office he was surprised to have no missed calls from Liv about the case and was able to sit down and read exactly what he was getting himself into.

The two men who hosted the sex party, Arturo and Jacob had clean records. They were accused of sexual assault once, but the charges were dropped. Some of the girls could place them at the party,  but others couldn't and the men attending were no help either. The older girls found were missing... have been for several years now. Their names were Kim, Selena, and Valentina and had been pimped out since they were teenagers. Alicia, a teenager was recently kidnapped by Arturo after attending a bar illegally with a group of friends, claimed she was only touched by the partygoers. Another underage girl, Madison, was raped by a man the rape kit confirmed it, but she won't say who. Wilson, a man who claimed that he didn't touch the girls, identified Madison as the girl he saw being raped and Vanessa, a seventeen year old who offered him to have sex, was the one that triggered a panic response and made him realize he should call the cops. The others were assaulted, and touched by these men, but they couldn't get too far once Wilson made it to another precinct and the cops show up. Wilson got the protection he wanted, Barba made sure that end of the deal was kept up since he met his pregnant wife. Barba always had a soft spot for families when it came to these cases. There were rape kits performed on all the girls just in case they missed something, and Barba was waiting for that call. 

While waiting, Barba's mind went to other places, mostly your neck. He decided once he got some alone time he would make it even and maybe a little more. He would like nothing more at the moment than for you to  be on his lap kissing and touching him again. As his thoughts strayed away,  Benson and Carisi barged into Barba's office making him snap out of it. Barba remembered his scarf was on the back of his chair. He quickly wrapped it around his neck again hoping the detectives wouldn't notice. 

"Hey, Rafa. We need a warrant," Benson said. 

"For?" Barba asked. 

"DNA samples from all the men at that party, including Arturo and Jacob," Benson explained. 

"Liv, none of the girls can place those two at that party-"

"But Wilson can!" Carisi said.

Barba pinched the brim of his nose and sighed. 

"The johns yes I can get you those warrants, but I'm assuming you really want Arturo's to place him on top of Madison. I would I honestly would, but I'm afraid-"

"What? That Tootell is going to fight back?" Benson scoffed.

"Yes. Every case we've had with him he's always one step ahead. He's cooperating, I'm playing it safe for right now-"

"Come on, counselor,  we got a witness! Wilson is working with us we got this guy!" Carisi said.

"Fine, in the meantime get Madison to confess and make an I.D. so the charge is solid," Barba gave in. 

"Great! Can I ask about the scarf?" Sonny asked. 

Benson turned to Sonny and cocked her eyebrows. 

"What? We were both thinking about it," Sonny defended himself.

"I'll stop by with your warrant," Barba said changing the subject. 

"Your suit jacket is off and your sleeves are rolled up, yet you have a scarf! Wait... counselor are you... hiding something?" Sonny pressed.

Benson caught on with the most shocked expression on her face. 

"I thought you were taking it slow!" Benson exclaimed. 

"We are! We didn't go too far last night- are we done here?" Barba asked, annoyed.

"Wait, Barba! Are you confirming- take off the scarf," Sonny edged on.

"No," Barba said flatly. 

"Come on, I won't believe it till I see it!"

"Then don't believe it, Carisi. The door is right there-"

"No, we're not leaving now until you take off the scarf," Benson joined in.

"E tu, Olivia?" 

Olivia nodded in suspense. Barba wished he would of let you put makeup over the hickey.

"Then so falls the scarf, " Barba sighed.

He removed the scarf revealing the slowly dimming hickey on his neck. Olivia gasped as Sonny laughed taking out his phone and snapping a picture. 

"Carisi, really? Delete that!" Barba demanded. 

"Fin and Rollins are not going to believe this," Sonny chuckled. 

"Liv-"

"I'm taking your date went well. So, uh is this getting serious enough for you?" Olivia asked. 

"Yeah we're done here," Barba said. 

"Sorry its just you're so... hard core I wouldn't think you would let someone in like that," Olivia tried to apologize. 

"Really, Barba it seems like you don't have feelings at all sometimes!" Sonny blurted.

"Okay, that's enough. I'm glad you're enjoying your time with Y/n. We'll see you with the warrant," Benson said, pushing Sonny out of Barba's office. 

Barba put his scarf back on and rolled down his sleeves. He didn't want anymore accusations today. Barba's personal phone rang and he groaned picking it up.

"Barba," Barba huffed.

"Hey... did... are you hungry?" You asked. 

"Oh, Y/n. I'm sorry I thought it was a work related call. I just saw you a couple of hours ago. Its only eleven," Barba said.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I told you lunch though. I need to pick up a couple things and..." you trailed off. 

Barba waiting for a minute for you to finish your sentence but it was just radio silence. Barba checked to see if you hung up but you were still on the line.

"Y/n? Are you there?" Barba asked. 

"Yes! Sorry! I was just getting out of my head. What do you want to eat for lunch?" 

"Is everything okay?" 

"No," you sighed, "but I will- I'll tell you when I see you I don't want to sound like a loser."

"Okay," Barba thought of what usually made you feel better,  besides alcohol. "Shake Shack. I'm in the mood for some fries."

"Yeah okay. I need to run errands really quick and I'll text you to see where you're at," you said.

"Okay, I'll see you in a bit, " Barba said.

You ended the call with Barba leaving him a little worried. He just saw you a few moments ago, what can be possibly wrong? Barba knew you would tell him later, it was time to get that warrant. 

* dun dun*

 The precinct was busting with busy bodies while the main squad sat around a table staring at a board waiting for the test results of DNA matches. Benson and Rollins still couldn't get a confession out of Madison, but Wilson swore she was the one who he saw being raped. Without Madison wanting to press charges or say who raped her, it was hard convincing a judge to sign a warrant for just Arturo's DNA. Barba went with Benson's initial request to get all the men at the party. Of course there was some fuss, but none as more annoying than Tootell's. Buchanan, Calhoun, and Tootell, bombarded Barba and Benson while in Benson's office. 

"We agreed to sexual misconduct, and the girl hasn't even cried rape!" Buchanan fought.

"Well her rape kit confirmed something happened, and since no one said who we have to keep investigating. Unless one of your clients would like to confess while we wait," Barba said.

"Mr. Barba, we had a deal," Tootell said, in a low voice, pulling Barba to a corner of Barba's office. "My men will go away, but if you up the charges on any of them-"

"What are you going to do? Blackmail again? Do you have something up your sleeve, Tootell?" Benson questioned. 

Tootell rubbed his face, and licked his lips. He had a fresh cut right across his cheek that he didn't bother to cover and seemed nervous. Barba knew this man from the few times they met to be calm, collected, and confident. He seemed a little frantic and concerned, he was looking over his shoulder a lot. Tootell turned to Benson with his signature smile as if he was trying to cover up something.

"Blackmail, Lieutenant? I would never. All I am saying is that we shouldn't waste precious time trying to solve a rape only man claimed he saw while the supposed victim doesn't even want to come forward. The poor girl has been through enough, if she hasn't come forward it must be for a good reason," Tootell said.

"Oh, now you care about the victim?" Benson snapped. 

There was a knock at the office door and Fin popped his head into the office. 

"The test results are back, you all might want to hear this," Fin said. 

Everyone walked out of Benson's office to the table where the detectives sat. Tootell stood in the back of the group trying not to fidget, but Barba noticed he was still uncomfortable. 

"The DNA matches Arturo from the rape kit of Madison and all the younger girls have signs of vaginal trauma. Also we found semen that matches Jacob in Vanessa and Alicia. So either some of your guys were careful or something else happened," Rollins said.

"Counselor, a word," Tootell said. 

Barba followed Tootell back into Benson's office and closed the door him. 

"Things are not looking-"

"Mr. Barba, don't up the charges," Tootell said sternly.

"That's statutory rape, I'm going for thrid-"

"If the girls don't press charges-"

"That won't be up to me. When the jury sees and hears that all of these girls were kidnapped-"

"One of them consented. Madison, she thinks she's in love with Arturo I tried to save her the embarrassment,  but the highest I'm allowing you to go is first degree," Tootell said.

"Oh, I need to ask your permission now? Arturo is well over 21 even if-"

"Mr. Barba, I'm trying to save the both of us a world of troubles. Vanessa couldn't identify Jacob at the party how could that possibly-"

"Save it for court, we're done here," Barba interrupted. 

"Mr. Barba its not going to end well if you put more of his men away," Tootell blurted.

Barba paused before grabbing the door knob. He turned back to Tootell in confusion, but held his stance.

"I'm sorry?" 

"I'll agree to first degree... I don't know how Jacob's semen got onto the other girls.... I believe they were 'broken in' by mysterious men if my clients are able to identify them-:

"Bring them in for questioning, I'm sure if they confess I can work some sort of deal," Barba said. 

Barba and Tootell walked out of Benson's office and right away Buchanan and Calhoun were in Barba's face.

"Mr. Barba, none of my clients touched the girls-" 

"I'll have the detectives question everyone again you better get your stories straight," Barba cut off Buchanan. 

"Mr. Barba, if the girls said they weren't assulted-"

"Don't worry, Calhoun,  we'll be questioning them-"

"Wait... is that a hickey?" Calhoun gasped.

Barba adjusted his scarf and had a cold look in his eye. Fin and Amanda held back laughs while Sonny and Benson just looked at each other. 

"No," Barba said, flatly, "I'm catching a cold. Excuse me."

Calhoun put her hand up stopping Barba before he stormed off.

"Side bar?" Calhoun asked.

"No, I'll speak with your clients later," Barba said.

Calhoun nodded with a smirk on her face and gestured for Buchman to follow. Tootell walked up to Barba and stared at his scarf covered neck.

"I'll bring my clients first. I hope we can work something out, " Tootell said. "I'll be back in an hour."

Once all the defense attorneys left the squads attention shifted solely to Barba. Barba sorted out papers in his briefcase and looked up to see all eyes on him. 

"Can I help you?" Barba said, knowing he was in for it now.

"You wanna take off your scarf, counselor?" Fin grinned.

"No. Olivia could you please-"

 "So it isn't photoshopped?" Rollins exclaimed, turning to Carisi. 

"I told you the photo was real! Calhoun saw it!" Sonny laughed.

"Come on, counselor,  take off the scarf," Fin pleaded.

"They're not going to stop bugging until you take off the scarf," Benson said.

Barba seeing no way out of this, yanked off his scarf and pulled down his collar. The hickey was losing color, but not at a pace Barba liked. It was still visible, but didn't look as fresh as this morning. Rollins gasped and laughed. Fin had a huge smile on his face. Sonny was more reacting to Rollins and Fin's faces while Olivia shook her head holding back a smile.

"Damn Barba! Is she a vampire?!" Fin teased.

"That's enough! Fin, Rollins go ask the girls for their statements again to see why they didn't report any rape. Sonny stay behind with me when Tootell gets back with his clients. We have to grill these guys," Benson ordered.

Rollins and Fin headed out of the precinct still snickering at Barba. Barba wrapped the scarf around his neck hopefully for the last time today and shot a dirty look at Carisi.

"I'm sorry! I'm glad you're-"

"Save it!" Barba snapped.

"Barba-"

Olivia was cut off by Barba's phone buzzing in his pocket. Barba picked it up knowing it was you on the other line.

"Now is not a good time," Barba sighed.

"What's wrong? I already bought you-"

"I'll pay you back later. Please don't come down to the precinct," Barba said.

"Rafael, please! I got you stuff to cover up your... problem," you said.

Barba pinched the brim of his nose knowing he wasn't going to shake you off either.

"Fine. Fifteen minutes, that's all I have time for!" Barba said, before hanging up.

Barba had never been so embarrassed and frustrated before. All his coworkers, including the defense attorneys saw the hickey on his neck. Barba always prided himself on his level of professionalism and separating work from his private life. Benson patted Barba's arm brinning him out of his shame.

"Coffee?" Benson offered. 

"Please," Barba said.

Twenty minutes later, you arrived at the precinct with your hands full. You had two Shake Shack bags, an Ulta beauty bag, a doughnut box, and sodas for you and Barba. Sonny rushed to your rescue helping you with the doughnut box and drinks.

"Thank you," you smiled.

"Mind if I steal one?" Sonny asked, teasing and referring to the doughnuts. 

"They're actually for all of you! Go ahead take as many as you want," you said.

"You're a sweetheart. I'll let Barba know you're here," Sonny said.

 Sonny knocked on the door of the breakroom. Barba sat in there sipping his coffee with no one disturbing him. Benson told everyone to leave the breakroom alone since Barba was on edge. Barba looked up from his papers and sighed.

"Y/n is here. She brought you lunch," Sonny said. 

Barba got up and groaned at the thought of you here to embarrass him further. Luckily Rollins and Fin were still out, but Sonny was here to report everything. You smiled as Barba exited out of the breakroom and you approached him extending your arms out for a hug. Barba shot you down with a menacing look so you stopped in your tracks. Your smile faded and you shook the bag of food.

"Are you hungry?" You asked, nervously. 

"Yes. Thank you, is there anything else you need?" Barba said, in a stern voice.

You knew right then and there he was angry at you and that the precinct probably discovered the hickey. 

"Is there somewhere we can-"

"There's a room over here, this way," Sonny said. 

He lead you two to a room with bunk beds and lockers and closed the door behind him. Rafael sat on the edge of one of the bunk beds and took off his scarf. He was hot and slightly sweating from the heat the clothing gave him. You pulled out a small lunchbox from the makeup bag and from there a spoon. Rafael took the spoon from you and placed it in his neck shuttering from the chill.

"I got you aloe vera too. Its supposed to speed up the healing process. I also got you some makeup that matches your skin to cover it up," you said. 

"No need, everyone saw it," Barba grumbled. 

"Oh, well you look hot. Keeping the scarf off will cool you down. Tell me when you're done with the spoon," you said timidly. 

Barba just sat there staring at the bunk opposite of him. You could sense he was extremely upset and you just wanted to comfort him. You sat next to Barba and leaned in to kiss his cheek, but he turned away from you picking another spot to focus. 

"I uh... I had time to get you a coffee. I hope its fine, I know you like coffee," you said, nervously. 

Barba handed you the spoon and you put it back in the cool lunchbox. You took out the aloe vera gel from the Ulta beauty bag and cautiously lifted it up.

"M-may I?" You stammered.

Barba relaxed a little and nodded yes. He turned to face you while loosening his tie and unbuttoning the first button of his collar. You put a little of the gel on two fingers and gently rubbed it on Barba's hickey. He remembered the call earlier and how you sounded upset yourself on the phone.

"What's up?" Barba asked. 

"Its nothing, Barba. I'm fine," you said quietly. 

Barba knew from your tone something was wrong. Why wouldn't you just come out and say it?

"Y/n, I said no games!"

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't be sorry! Tell me what's wrong," Barba said a little more harshly than intended.

"They let me go from Starbucks... I don't know what happened," you said.

"Oh. Well you still have your other job, right?" Barba asked. 

"Yes... It's just... never mind," you sighed.

Barba lifted his hand to move some strands of hair away from your face. You flinched at his sudden motion expecting him to get so angry at you for not keeping a simple job. Barba looked taken back and lowered his hand. 

"I'm sorry. Its been a rough day," Barba said.

"That's my fault right? I shouldn't have kissed you so much last night," you said.

"No, you did nothing wrong.  Can I touch you?" Barba said, not wanting to alarm you again. 

You didn't know what to expect. When you were with Tony if he would of heard this news he would of slapped you across the face and called you an idiot. If he was upset like Barba was, he would have covered you with cigarette burns or worse. Instead, Barba gently pushed some of your hair out of your face and kissed your lips. The kiss made the little pop sound once broken. Your knees were touching but Barba wanted more. Of course he instinctively thought with his head on his shoulders instead of the other one but indulged himself in another sweet kiss. 

"Are you still mad at me?" You asked. 

"I wasn't mad I was flustered.  I was embarrassed. I'm working with a tough crowd," Barba said. 

"Okay. Is my fifteen minutes up?"

Barba regretted putting a time limit on you and making you feel bad. He grabbed your hand placing a kiss on it and let it drop to both of your knees. He gestured his head to the Ulta beauty bag and turned his attention back to you.

"So what do you have in there?" Barba asked. 

"Just stuff to cover the hickey up. And since I had a day I treated myself to new eyelashes," you said. 

Barba kissed your hands again and nodded to you. You looked confused and slid your hands out of Barba's grip.

"You can cover it up. I trust you," Barba said. 

 "Okay. Let me see your hand again," you said.

Barba gave you his hand and you took out different concealers that looked like the same color to Barba. You swatched the concealers on Barba's hand and chose a color. You also pulled out a pallet full of color correctors and a sponge. You loosened Barba's tie even more and unbuttoned another button. You lowered his collar more and began dabbing the color correct on the hickey. 

"What does that do?" Barba asked. 

"Mutes the red color. Then next the concealer will cover some of it and then foundation to blend everything. It will also protect your neck from the sun I got foundation with sun screen," you explained. 

Barba chuckled at the last bit and let you continue to work your magic. You layered on the makeup and blended it all together. You pulled out setting spray, told Barba to close his eyes and mouth and sprayed away.

"All done. Now don't sweat! I'll leave the powder with you to touch up if you need to," you said.

You handed Barba your compact mirror and to his surprise the hickey was gone. He smiled and thanked you with a kiss. You buttoned his collar back up and adjusted his tie gently sliding it up making sure it wouldn't choke him. You gathered your things with the help of Barba and headed out of the secluded room. 

"Let me walk you out," Barba said.

You smiled at his offer and took his hand. Before you could head to the elevator, Tootell, Arturo, and Jacob stepped out. You froze, catching Arturo's gaze your hand began to sweat your pulse quickened and your body began to shake. Barba felt you vibrating and tried to catch your gaze he waved his hand in front of your face before noticing Tootell. Sonny caught on and took grabbed your wrist in attempts to move you to another room while Barba talked to Tootell. You felt like you couldn't move, your legs turned into jelly as Sonny nearly dragged you along into the break room. 

"Come on, help me pick out a doughnut, " Sonny said.

Sonny managed to take you into the breakroom and sat you down. He poured you a cup of water as he watched you continue to shake. 

"Is everything okay?" Sonny asked.

"What are they doing here?" You whispered more to yourself than asking Sonny.

"What do you mean? Did something happen? Did they do something to you?" 

"Ye- no. No, I'm fine. I've had a really tough day. I lost one of my jobs. I'm fine just exhausted," you said.

"Are you sure that's all?" 

"Yes, I'm fine," you said.

Barba came into the breakroom concerned as ever and closed the door behind him. 

"You want to tell me what's going on?" Barba said. 

"I will. No more games... I have to tell you later though when I'm not surrounded by people who's jobs are to report sex crimes. I'll see you later," you said nervously. 

You stood up, kissed Barba on the cheek and left the precinct in a rush. Barba and Sonny watched you leave with worried expressions. Barba wondered why you were always like this, so nervous and secretive. Why did you have to make him wait for answers? 

"Was it just me or did she look like she was going to cry when Tootell and his men walked in?" Sonny asked.

"I saw it too, detective, " Barba answered. 

"Maybe she's triggered by Tootell. She did have two rough cases with him," Sonny said. 

"Yeah, that must be it," Barba tried to convince himself.

He knew there was something more to your panicked reaction. Why else would you rush out of ththe precinct. Barba straightened himself out and went to further question Tootell and his clients. 

*                 *                 *

When Rollins and Fin returned they had nothing new from any of the girls. They all claimed they were broken in which would explain the trauma from the rape kit. Arturo and Jacob claimed that someone planted their sperm and since none of the under age girls could identify who 'broke them in'. They all claimed they were raped by men in masks before they arrived at the party. Barba could and would still charge Arturo and Jacob still for rape of Madison,  Alicia,  and Vanessa. Barba knew a jury would believe the sperm planting story he couldn't understand why Tootell pressed for it. 

Barba was still a little taken back by the interactions of the day. Tootell was nervous during the integration,  but he wouldn't yield. They both knew Arturo and Jacob were guilty, but Tootell still pushed.

"I'm telling you there is something going on here that we're not getting," Rollins said.

"And that would be?" Barba raised an eyebrow. 

"I don't know! But Tootell is hanging out these two to dry to cover something up! Not that they don't deserve it, but there is something going on here," Rollins continued to speculate. 

"We talked to Madison and the girl is really delusional, " Fin said. 

"Stockholm syndrome, we'll have a psych examine on her-"

"That might tamper with her testimony, Tootell might want to throw it out," Barba said, interrupting Benson.

"But she really thinks she's in love! Those guys did a number on her-"

"And when you get evidence for your grand conspiracy call me. Did you find anything else?" Barba asked. 

"No, they all still say no one raped them, only touched," Fin said.

"Hey, maybe these two are up to something. You saw the look on Y/n's face when they came in," Sonny said, moving towards the board with case notes and pictures on it.

"I doubt she has any information," Barba said flatly. 

"Wait, Y/n stopped by?" Rollins asked. 

"Can we stop asking about my personal life-"

"No, no... when she was kidnapped there was two other men with Marco in that warehouse. Fin and I chased them but we couldn't find them," Rollins began explaining. 

"And?" Barba said.

"Rosie was obviously killed for testifying in court... Arturo's sexual assault charges were dropped only because the victim was found dead. It was a suicide and they couldn't pin him to it-"

"Rollins-"

"I know, Lieutenant I'm reaching a little. But, I swear now that I look at these two they're faces match my memory-"

"Where are you going with this exactly?" Barba questioned.

"These two at one point were working with Marco and Tony and now they're being sacrificed because they screwed up and they're hiding a middle man. Why would they be so cooperative in the first place? Why would Tootell ask you to not up the charges?"

"Because they hid a rape and tried to get off easy. Thank you for the-whatever that was, Rollins. Now if you would excuse me," Barba said,  standing up. 

"Hey, just ask Y/n if she knows anything," Rollins said.

Barba nodded and headed out of the precinct. Rollins was really reaching with her theories. There was no way that your kidnapping after your trial was connected to this sex ring ran by Arturo and Jacob. No matter how frantic Tootell seemed or odd this case was, there was no way it could be related to that. Tootell wasn't budging because he thought he could lower the charges, but they couldn't negotiate so they were taking this case to trial.

Barba packed up his office for the day and grabbed a quick dinner before heading to his apartment for your stuff. He arrived to your shared apartment around ten hoping you would get off a little earlier today since you were fired from Starbucks. Armanda answered the door, wearing velvet red sweatpants with a tank top and her hair in a bun. Her scalp seemed to be filled with glitter as her hair sparkled every so often from the light of the tv. 

"Hey, you brought her bag?" Armanda greeted.

"Yes. Is she-"

"Double shift. She is really stressing out. Did she seem like a nervous wreck to you?" Armanda asked.

"She seemed tense. Why?" 

"Because after she dropped your lunch off her scale of stress looked like it went from fifty to one hundred. Did something set her off?" 

"Yes, she saw Tootell-"

"Okay makes sense. Wanna watch American horror story with us until Y/n gets home?" Armanda offered. 

Barba was baffled. He honestly thought Armanda hated him. She teased him relentlessly for her own enjoyment. 

"Its Chinese takeout night, I don't know if you like that," David said from the couch.

"We are going to start a new season. Roanoke its supposed to be crazy," Armanda added. 

Barba did need to talk to you anyway so waiting around wouldn't hurt. He didn't really care for scary movies, but it would be a time killer as he waited for you to come home. 

"I don't really like horror movies, but I'll stay," Barba said. 

"Great, I hope you're hungry," Armanda said.

"I'm fine thank you. I don't want to impose."

"Oh do you want makeup remover? Y/n told me about your little... problem," Armanda said.

"What else did she tell you?" Barba asked. 

"We tell each other everything, we're like Marylin and Jane Russell from Gentlemen Prefer blondes. I'm Jane I actually have a level head," Armanda explained. 

 Barba awkwardly sat down on the couch next to Armanda. David for once was off his computer and Barba could take a good look at him. David had eyes that were more tired than Barba's which must have been a result of always looking at a screen. 

"Time for a restless sleep and keeping tabs on the worst things," David said.

"We watch an episode before Y/n to make sure there's nothing too triggering. Also I talk a lot during this show since its my first time seeing it and it drives Y/n wild," Armanda explained.

Barba gave a polite chuckle as the creepy theme music played. An hour of horrifying events later and you came home right as the episode ended. You looked tired as you sent your high heels flying across the apartment. You didn't even notice Barba sitting on the couch as you reached for the takeout box on the coffee table in front of the couch. 

"Hey, Y/n," Barba said, hoping to get your attention. 

"Hey Rafi... wai- what are you doing here? I thought you just dropped off my things!" You said.

"I wanted to wait for you. I hope thats okay," Barba said. 

"It is! Do you want makeup remover? I have some in my room," you said. 

"Sure."

"Remember,  thin walls-"

"You ease drop!" You cut off Armanda.

"Because there's thin walls! Thin!" Armanda defended herself.

You and Barba went into your room closing the door behind you in hopes to have a private conversation. Barba cupped your face and kissed you passionately. He craved your lips all day and was still thinking about making the hickey count even. You broke the kiss and peeled off Barba's hands from your face. Barba recalled earlier your reaction to seeing Tootell and Rollins plea to ask you for information. 

"Do you want to tell me what happened today in the precinct?" Barba asked. 

"No... I really don't. But I will. I need to be honest with you. You have to promise me a few things, Rafael," you said.

"Of course, anything."

"No, you really need to promise, Rafael. You have to leave your lawyer mode for a minute and just listen. I need you to listen."

Barba was concerned now more than ever and what you were going to tell him. He nodded yes and sat himself down at the edge of your bed. You paced back and forth around your tiny room trying to find the courage to explain your reaction. 

"Rafael... those men.. do you remember when I was kidnapped?" You asked. 

"Yes, I do remember. "

"Okay. Most of the time I wore a blindfold for when they touched me and took away my baby... but for one part.... just for a moment... Rafael... Those two men I saw today, they broke me in. They raped me," you said.

 "They... Y/n-"

"I still do not want to press charges or go after them I'm telling this to you in confidence. Rafael, do not mess with these men they are still upset you put Tony away in jail he wasn't as useless as Marco made him seem when-"

Barba held you close to him. You started sobbing into the crook of Barba's neck, you never thought you would have to see them again. Barba began to rub your back and hold you a little tighter as you continued to cry. 

"I won't make you do anything you don't want to, don't worry," Barba said. 

"I don't want you to get hurt, Rafael. I don't want-"

"I know. No one is going to hurt me. Its okay. I'm here... I'm here," Barba cooed.

Your sob turned into a light cry as you tried to wipe away tears. Barba kissed your forehead repeatedly along with small kisses on your lips. You wanted him to stay the night, but you knew he had work in the morning so you didn't bother to ask. Once your tears stopped Barba let you go but still held your hands. 

"I've lived through attacks on me before. This is nothing. No one is going to hurt you or me, okay?" Barba said.

"Promise me you won't make me go against them. Promise me you won't make me-"

"I won't. I promise Y/n I won't make you do anything you don't want to. Okay?" Barba tried to sooth you.

"Rafael, you have to play nice with these men. They weren't high up but they weren't that... Marco trusted them enough to break me in. They held parties and were Marco said he was going to have them train me to run them as a madame-"

"Y/n, why are you telling me this? I suggest if you don't want me to go forward with any legal action you should stop. I will put these guys away on- wait. Were they the ones in charge of everything?"

"No not even close. Marco mentioned a boss I remember. I don't know who he is or where he is. Rafael you have to let them off easy they will try to hurt us again-"

"No, I'll make sure of it. Why don't I stay the night? I'll leave early in the morning to go change, but just to make you feel safe-"

"You don't have to if you don't want to. You look tired, Rafi," you said.

"I'll be fine. Also, I don't know which piece of makeup goes first I'll need your love mark to still be covered up," Barba said. 

You smiled and pulled Barba in for another kiss. You undid his tie and played with his suspenders. As much as Barba wanted to kiss you more and even the hickey score, he laid you down and just held you in his arms.

"Rafi, wanna change? I can ask David-"

"Do you honestly think I fit David's frame?" Barba said.

"Well... you should take off your suspenders and button up. I don't mind if you sleep in your underwear. I think they're cute," you said, still playing with his suspenders. 

"Okay, will do," Barba said.

Barba stopped your hands from undressing him, he knew tonight wasn't the night. Barba striped down to a white short sleeved shirt, his boxers, and sock garters. You loved Barba's unusual patterned sockand and made note of it for a possible gift later. You changed into your shorts and oversized tee-shirt. You laid back down by Barba's side and slipped under the covers. Barba draped his arm around you pulling you closer to his body. You peppered kisses on his chest and neck until your eyes felt heavy. Barba could hear your breathing become steady and a million thoughts raced through his mind. 

How could these men be the same ones that raped you at the warehouse? Why didn't he build a case without you when he had a chance? It could of been easily done if you did a rape kit, you were kidnapped after all. His thoughts went to the other victim from your trial that was found hanging in her apartment. Could that have been a setup? Was she actually murdered? 

"Rafi... Barba," you said in your sleep. 

Barba kissed your forehead and ran his fingers through your hair. How was he going to keep his promise to you. Your rape although unreported established a pattern with these two men. It also proves that they were lying and there is a higher pimp behind them. Is that why Tootell was acting weird? They're just protecting someone and leaving these two out to dry. That's must of been the motivation behind pushing for lesser charges. Barba saw the look in your eyes. You really thought that you two were in danger. It didn't matter, Barba had to continue with his job no matter the cost. He dealt with death threats before he would do it again. At the same time, he was alone and now he had you. He needed to protect you. 

Barba's eyes were closing as the thoughts continued to race through his head. No matter the outcome, he made a vow to protect you. You said you felt safe around him, he wanted to keep it that way. He might even love you.

Chapter Text

After Barba's rushed morning he felt a little at peace when he arrived at work. Carmen left a note on his desk warning him of a meeting with Calhoun later that day. Barba wondered what for now. He got no call from Liv so far so it must be to get a deal. He wondered which client was ready to confess or if anything new happened with Wilson. 

Midmorning came and Calhoun stormed into Barba's office. He half expected Buchanan to be with her since their clients were facing similar charges. Calhoun closed the door behind her and examined his neck at a distance. The hickey was covered up by a quick makeup fix in the morning before Rafael left to work with your help. Calhoun pursed her lips and made her way to Barba's desk and leaned against it.

"Before we get down to business, lets pretend we're friends," Calhoun began.

"I thought you said we weren't."

"We're not. For five minutes lets pretend-"

"I'll give you three. Go for it," Barba said,  knowing what Calhoun was going to ask.

"Who is it? Who are they?" Calhoun questioned, gesturing towards Barba's neck.

"Its a she, thank you for being considerate, and none of your business," Barba replied quickly. 

"Oh come on. Its not everyday someone charms Hardass Barba. Last time you were close to getting a hickey I saw in the papers with that affair nonsense, " Calhoun said.

Barba sat up straight and adjusted his tie. He focused back on his papers not wanting to address Rita's comment, but she figured it out.

"Her? Really? I thought you were smarter-"

"Three minutes is up. What do you want, Rita?" Barba stopped Calhoun.

"Okay, back to business. Why was my client arrested?"

"Are you referring to?..."

"Wilson. You promised him protection, but now he's in custody with charges of prostitution, " Calhoun explained. 

"This is the first I'm hearing of this. When was he arrested?"

"Last night, I got the call and was told the charges. Someone claimed he was the one orchestrating the whole party! He is also accused of beating a prostitute!"

"But- I'll get to the bottom of this. I'll talk to the detectives. Excuse me," Barba said.

He and Calhoun left the office both in a rush to get down to the precinct. Benson paced back and forth in front of a board with pictures and notes from the case with the detectives frantically calling and looking through records. Benson was relieved to see Barba and approached him quickly.

"Barba, I was just going to call you-"

"What have you done now, Lieutenant?" Calhoun snapped.

"Hey, we had nothing to do with this! Someone called and reported Wilson for engaging in prostitution guess where?" Benson said.

"Let me guess, the same precinct that claimed he was a prank caller. What was he doing away from home?" Barba asked, more to Calhoun than Benson.

"I have no idea! If this is a set up-"

"Its not, Calhoun! I'm having my detectives go through reports on this precinct.  Barba we need him as a witness still, go see if you can get him out of jail," Benson said. 

"I'll talk to a judge. If that district is corrupt I don't know what effect I'll have, but I'll try," Barba said.

"Hey, Counselor! I'll catch you up and drive!" Rollins said, getting up from her desk.

"I'll meet you there. This is my client, after all," Calhoun said.

"Great, the more the merrier. Let's go," Barba said.

During the car ride, Rollins briefed Barba on the situation at hand. Wilson was caught in the same area the party was with a eighteen year old prostitute and there was a complaint of screaming. The cops were called and the girl is accusing Wilson of hitting her and being too rough. The girl also claimed that Wilson was her pimp and was going to take her to the party that Wilson called the cops on. 

"This doesn't make any sense... wasn't he under police prevalence this whole time?" Barba asked Rollins.

"Yes, but the officers watching claimed that they saw Wilson sneak off in the middle of the night," Rollins said.

"And they didn't stop him?"

"He said he was going to get his wife some comfort food. Look, I know you don't believe something bigger is going on here-"

"No I do. You have to find me something so I can prove it in court or else its going to look like the NYPD has a vendetta against Arturo and Jacob," Barba said and sighed.

"Did you talk to Y/n?" Rollins asked.

"Yes."

"And?"

"I promised I wouldn't make her do anything she didn't want to."

"So she knows something. You know something now," Rollins pressed.

"I'm going to say no," Barba said, carefully. 

"Okay, just answer me this. Arturo and Jacob are taking the rap for someone, aren't they?" 

"Yes... no one knows who but I'm sure its not Wilson. He wouldn't be dumb enough to call the cops on himself, " Barba said. 

He paused and looked out the window. If there were dirty cops this was going to be a difficult situation. No one is more loyal than a sold out cop because they know how the law and system works. However, that didn't mean they were impossible to break.

"Whatever we get ourselves into we need to watch our backs," Barba warned.

"Did Y/n tell you that?" Rollins asked.

"No... but she implied it. She's worried too she has nothing to do with this," Barba defended.

"Uh-huh, you trust her?"

"I do... I'm trying to. She is going to have nothing to do with this case," Barba said. 

"Then why is she worried?" Rollins questioned. 

Barba was silent and looked out his window again. Rollins pulled the car over to the side of the road and turned to Barba. Barba narrowed his eyes at Rollins ready for anything she threw at him. 

"I went back to the hospital the day after we found her in the warehouse. She was mumbling in her sleep about men forcing her to become a madame and that she was raped by three men. I remember seeing two run off, Fin and I lost them-"

"Where are you going with this?" Barba interrupted. 

"I think the two we saw get away was Arturo and Jacob. Counselor are you prepared to break your promise to her if worse comes to worse?" Rollins asked.

"Why didn't you say anything before or after or more closer to the time she sas raped?"

"Because it was a blur! They escaped,  Fin and I couldn't make a clear description between the both of us until now!"

"Why are you telling me this?" 

"Becuase, I have a feeling this is going to be a tough case and if we have to prove a pattern or something I need to know right now you'll do the right thing. I will tell Liv," Rollins threatened. 

"I always do. Don't I?" Barba said.

"Yeah, you do. You're a pain in the ass, but you do," Rollins admitted. 

Rollins started the car back up and headed toward the precinct where Wilson was held. Calhoun beat them to the holding cell and was talking with Wilson trying to get the story straight. 

"I was taken hostage! They threw me in a room with some girl and she's crying rape!" Wilson nearly shouted. 

Barba and Rollins entered the interrogation room with Calhoun and Wilson and sat themselves across. 

"You have a lot of explaining to do and fast," Barba said. 

"I was set up! I went out to the store across the street to get some chips and ice cream for my wife and the cops guarding said I would be fine! Next thing I know I'm dragged into a van and taken to god knows where to a room with a girl. She starts screaming the police come in and she cries rape! You said I would be protected!" Wilson explained. 

"Do you hear yourself? Do you know how surreal your story sounds?" Rollins questioned. 

"Yes! It sounds crazy but it happened! It did! Where's my wife? I need to talk to her," Wilson said. 

"You're lucky you're a key witness.  I'll get you out of here but its going to be difficult with the new charges against you, " Barba said. 

"Can I talk to my wife? Please, they threatened in the van to take away my baby," Wilson pleaded.

"I'll arrange a call," Rollins said.  

"You do that, Calhoun, I believe we have a judge to persuade, " Barba said. 

"I never thought I would work with you this way, Mr. Barba. Shall we?" Calhoun said.

Rollins handed her own phone to Wilson. Wilson frantically dialed and put the phone to his ear. By the expression on Wilson's face, she didn't answer. 

"One more time-"

"It looks like she doesn't want to talk," Rollins said.

"Please! My wife answers spam calls she always picks up," Wilson begged.

After two more tries there was still no answer. Benson called Rollins phone to her surprise and Rollins answered.

"Lieutenant?"

"Hey, we have Wilson's wife she was found bleeding heavily at her apartment when the officers changed shift. We're at the hospital now, she's not looking too good," Benson explained. 

"Yeah, okay. I'll tell Wilson. He's right here, Liv," Rollins hung up.  "Your wife is in the hospital-"

"No! No! My baby! Please lord not my child," Wilson began to cry.

Rollins felt a wave of sympathy towards the man in front of her. Wilson became undone and turned into a sobbing mess at the news. Rollins knew right then and there this man was innocent. 

"Hey, we're going to get you out of here. You have the two toughest lawyers right now fighting for you," Rollins said, trying to calm Wilson down. 

"I just want to see my wife! She stuck with me through my gambling addiction and my stupid party streak. I love her! Now they're going to take away my baby and her. I won't testify if they don't want me to! I won't-"

"Hey, hey. Testifying may be the only way to bring justice for your wife. Even if they hurt you, you have to do the right thing, " Rollins said.

"I just want my family safe," Wilson continued to cry.

  *              *                *

It was a slow day at work for you. Less customers, more time to think and experiment with drinks. The man from the other night that defended you, Scott, swaggered his way to the bar with a bright white smile. 

"Hey, doll. I was waiting for your call," Scott said. 

"I'm sorry. My boyfriend and work take up all my time," you said.

"Ah, or does your boyfriend get jealous? Is this a full time thing?" Scott asked. 

"No. Part time. I was working two jobs-"

"What happened to the other?"

"I was... let go. Its fine I like working here anyway, " you said.

"No more Starbucks. You're too pretty for older women to be yelling at you anyway. A beauty such as yours should be... preserved for a higher status in life."

"I think my boyfriend will agree," you said to remind Scott you were in a relationship. 

"He's such a lucky man. I bet he's your age, handsome,  and intelligent, " Scott said.

"Well he's-" you didn't notice until now the age difference between you and Barba. 

You were younger and obviously dumber than him. You couldn't get into Harvard even if you slept your way in. Barba was very handsome to you, but didn't turn as many heads as you did. That shouldn't matter, you appreciated and admired Barba... you maybe even loved him. No, you knew you loved him. 

"He's charming, a little older than me. I like my men more mature, though. Brings out the best in them. And he's a Harvard graduate," you bragged about Barba.

"Hmm, you seem smitten. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. Don't let it fall off over a boyfriend."

"I won't. Would you like anything to drink?" You asked.

"Wine, red the best bottle," Scott smiled. 

"Coming right up," you said. 

You served the wine and tried to avoid Scott for the rest of the night. He took the hint and began talking to women you knew were sugar babies but he would glance back to you from time to time. You didn't feel uncomfortable just annoyed since he continued to flirt even though you said you had a boyfriend. Even if you didn't have Barba he should respect your space.

You made eye contact with Scott one last time before switching with a coworker for the night. Your coworkers didn't like you too much because of the attention you got and the fact you let sugar babies hang out at the bar. You left early, you just wanted to go home. Plus it was American Horror Story night you had these nights off early anyway. Your roommates always previewed it for you to make sure there was nothing triggering. You went to your appartment to the smell of pho and candles welcomed you as you came home. You changed into comfortable clothes and sat down on the couch with David and Armanda. A few minutes into the episode and Barba texts you saying he needed to talk. By the worried look on your face Armanda caught on and paused the show.

"We can watch this later. But he has to come here or pick you up you shouldn't be out this late," Armanda said.

"Thanks, mom," you said sarcastically. 

"And if you're going to have-"

"Armanda!"

"Do it safely I don't want to have kids running around this apartment!" Armanda finished. 

"Oh my god, I think at that point I'd move in with him," you said.

"No you're trapped with us forever! You can't leave," Armanda teased.

"He said I can finish up here and he will pick me up after the episode," you said, reading your phone.

"Okay, lets continue."

After the episode was over you packed up a bag since Barba wanted you to stay the night. The episode creeped you out, but you had Barba to distract you from things. When he picked you up he didn't say a word but looked exhausted from the day. On the cab ride home Barba kept rubbing his face and avoided making eye contact with you. When you arrived at his apartment, Rafael quickly took off his shoes and coat still not saying a word.

"Rafi, what's the matter?" You asked.

"Sit down," Barba said. 

You sat on the couch nervously and placed your bag next to you. Barba sat down too rubbed his hands together. You sat patiently waiting for Barba to explain himself and he sighed. 

"Y/n when you were.... kidnapped how did you... did you-"

"Rafi, what is this about?" You asked. 

Rafael sighed again not really sure how to approach you about this. 

"There was a woman today... she was pregnant and she was assaulted and I couldn't stop thinking about you. I need to know what happened to you," Barba said. 

"I'm not going to do anything-"

"I know, I know. A judge would throw out anything you say anyway given our relationship. But I just want to establish a pattern in my mind I just-"

"I was tied to a bed. For a few days they gave me pills and made me drink alcohol. The day of they tied my legs too and I had a blindfold on. They said I couldn't have a baby and they needed to clean me out. They put something up me ripped out my baby and I bleed out so much-"

Tears streamed down your eyes as you recalled the event. Rafael wiped a few tears from your cheek and pulled you onto his lap. You sobbed into the crook of Barba's neck while he rubbed your back. He was never good at comforting friends but he could tell you just wanted to be held. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry tonight," Barba apologized. 

"Its okay. You needed to know. I'm over it, but I haven't really talked about it. I can't have kids because of what they did to me and I just-"

"You can't have kids?"

"No. I'm sorry. Is that going to be a problem?"

"No, not now of course. I'm not- I'm good with Noah now," Barba tried to recover.

You laughed at Barba's stammering and kissed him on the cheek. He lifted up your chin and kissed you gently but still with passion. You wiped away a few lingering tears once the kiss broke and just smiled at him. Barba's furrowed brows softened as he brushed his hand against your cheek. 

"I'm sorry," you said.

"For what? I asked. This is not the way I wanted the night to go," Barba said. 

"How did you imagine the night going?" You asked. 

"No, its okay. This is-"

"No, what did you have planned?" You pressed.

"You've had a long night. I don't want to bring anything else up that might upset you" Barba said.

"Rafi, its okay. Like I said I'm over it I just haven't talked about it in awhile so... I'm sorry for crying it just happened. I guess its just build up from holding it in," you said. 

"I brought it up its-"

You cut off Barba with a kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck removing any space between you. You straddled Barba never breaking the kiss and put his hands on his waist. 

"Just because we are dating doesn't mean we have to do anything, " Barba said. 

"I know, Rafael. I just want you to know I feel comfortable enough with you to talk about my past traumas and also comfortable enough to let you touch me. Its okay, I trust you," you said. 

"Why?"

"Well for starters, when I would come to you drunk as hell you didn't sleep with me-"

"Yeah, I could of lost my job."

"But! I bet you could think of a few people who would of done it anyway. Secondly, you took care of me even when you didn't have to. You let me into your home, Rafi. You didn't have to take care of me or check up on me or even take me back after months of nothing. I appreciate you, Rafael and I'm glad to be yours!"

Barba kissed you passionately and pulled your waist closer to his body. You loved being so close. The scent of his cologne, his hands running up and down your body, his tounge fighting yours just drove you wild. 

"Its late we should go to bed," Barba said. 

"Okay, I'll get ready then," you said. 

You purposely brought your sexy little night dress even though it was a little uncomfortable to sleep in. It was pink and lacy totally cliche, but it was on sale. You snuck your little dress into the bathroom to change while Rafael but his own pajamas on. He wanted to get even with you at first for the hickey, but work reminded him to take things slow. You were a victim and who knows one move could trigger you. 

On the couch you seemed to enjoy his touch. Rafael knew he had to keep it in his pants for now no matter how hot you made him or how much you turned him on. You stepped out of the bathroom in your little night gown and stood waiting to get Rafael's attention. Rafael heard the bathroom door open and assumed you would join him as he sat on the edge of the bed. 

Moments of silence passed by and Rafael turned around to see you standing there with an innocent yet nervous look on your face. The night gown fit perfectly on your figure and pushed up your breasts nicely. If he wasn't turned on before, now Babra was. You shyly played with the ends of your hair waiting for Rafael to say something. Instead, he just stared at your body. You couldn't tell if it was in admiration or disgust, you thought it was disgust. You quickly headed towards the bathroom again but was stopped by Rafael's hand. He grabbed wrist and looked you in the eyes. 

You calmed down and once again was guided into Rafael's lap. He rubbed your thigh and continued to admire your body now placed perfectly on his lap. Rafael moved his hand with his eyes trailing up your thigh, torso, and then right up to your lips. He rubbed his thumb over your lower lip and then back down to lift up your chin.

"Did you... buy this for me?" Barba asked. 

"It was on sale. I know its cliche and a little tacky but-"

"Its perfect. You look beautiful. If only I could-" Barba stopped noticing his hand cupping your breast.

You looked down at his hand as he quickly jerked away and slid from underneath you. You two were sitting separately now both of you held a lot of sexual tension. Barba muttered to himself something in Spanish and turned off the lights. You both headed under the covers of the bed afraid to get to close or touch each other. You thought Barba didn't want you sexually while Barba was worried you would be triggered by it. He was turned on no doubt, but let his mind over desire win. Rafael didn't want to hurt you.

When Rafael felt his erection go away he snuggled up to you from behind and wrapped an arm around you.

"Soon... real soon," Barba breathed before drifting to sleep. 

He didn't know you were awake but you heard him say it. Why was he holding off? Was it his job still? You told him you were comfortable with him and you trusted him. Maybe that was too much. Maybe he thought you were too easy and wanted a chase. Soon he said. How soon?