Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The tiny grey oblong pill seemed to glisten, almost, in the palm of his hand. He thought for a few more moments, truly taking in what he was about to do. Was it really worth it? Just to get Jeremy back? He sighed. He didn’t know, but he was willing to give it a shot if it meant having the best thing in his life back. His favourite person, his player one. He closed his eyes and threw the pill into his mouth, chugging down some mountain dew immediately after. Now all he had to do was wait.
“aaaAAAAAAAAGGGHH!” Nobody was in the house, which meant nobody was there to hear Michael’s screams of anguish. Dear god, he’d never had a positive opinion on squips but damn, could activation be more painful? He sat there, curled up where he was and trembling, waiting for it to stop.
“Aaand done!”
“Dude what the hell!?” pain still edged his voice.
“What?” the squip, which looked an awful lot like Jeremy for a reason he didn't know, smirked, “I was just accessing all of the information about you I could find from your brain, did you expect it to be calm?”
“You could’ve told me! Jesus fucking Christ!”
“Whatever, now let’s see…Michael Mell a…oh.”
Michael blinked in confusion, tilting his head slightly.
“What?”
“Michael Mell…”
“Y…yeah?”
“You want to date Jeremy Heere.” His cheeks flushed a bright red, and he had to force himself not to stammer.
“Yeah? And? You’re supposed to help me get my friend back, aren’t you?”
“I’m honestly not surprised he left you!”
’…“ Michael took a while to reply. "W-” The squip cut him off.
“You’re disgusting! Your hair, your eyes, holy shit! I knew humans could be ugly, but you? That hair is disgustingly messy, those eyes are so dull, and you’re so damned fat! And don’t get me started on-”
“Stop it!” he yelped, his voice cracking slightly.
“-Your clothing choice!” the squip ignored him. “Those trousers, those shoes, socks, do you wash any of your stuff? Your glasses make you look awful! And those patches. Those patches. Absolutely gross.”
“What’s wrong with the patches?” Michael’s voice was barely a whisper, the most he could do without breaking off into a sob.
“You being gay was bad enough, but the fact that you’re not even a boy? Mother of fuck! I’m supposed to help a fag and a tranny!”
The squip was laughing maniacally now, his laughter ringing in Michael’s ears like a particularly annoying song Spotify wouldn’t let him skip.
Eventually, the squip finally stopped laughing.
“Oooohohoh fuck, I’m going to have some serious fun with you.”
“We’re going to have to go shopping.”
“Nope.”
“Woman, we’re going shopping.”
Michael ignored the squip and grabbed some mountain dew red.
“Put that down.”
“It’s not for you, walking floppy disk.” he stuffed it into his backpack, walked out of the house and followed the path to school.
“Is that really your worst insult? God, you’re more delusional than I thought.” Michael remained silent. Maybe if he just ignored it-
He’s right.
Michael stopped in his tracks the moment the thought crossed his mind. No, he loved himself as much as the next person. He wouldn't think that about himself!
“Oh wow, even your own thoughts are against you!” the squip laughed, this time less maniacally, but it still hurt. Maybe if he put on his headphones,
“You can’t shut me out with your gross music taste.”
“Who says it’s bad? It’s subjective!”
“99% of people hate it. You’re the 1% who doesn’t.”
“Technically it’d be 98-”
“Jeremy? He hates it, he’s always hated you, don’t kid yourself.” Michael sighed angrily and continued walking, not replying to anything else the squip said.
“Everything about you is terrible,”
“Everything about you makes people want to die.”
He heavily considered downing that mountain dew red, but he had to save it for somebody.
“The only way I can help you, is to get you to realise just how awful you are. Then we can start from there.”
“Like hell I’m believing a word you say.” Michael rolled his eyes and entered the school, eventually taking a seat in the audience of the school play Jeremy was in.

“Yeah, she’s a bitch. Says she won’t believe a word I say, which is odd. Even worse, his target is yours!” he couldn’t help but listen to his squip’s little conversation while he waited.
‘I know right? She knows Jeremy isn’t interested in even being friends anymore, I don’t see the point to be honest.’
“Oh well,”
'What are you up to right now?’
“Waiting. She insisted on coming here, we’re sat in the audience right now.”
'Does she have… refreshments?’
“Yep.”
'I can get rid of it if she tries anything, but if that fails,’
“I know exactly what to do.”
Michael stood up suddenly. This was too good for a school play - This wasn’t a school play at all!
“Sit down!” his squip yelled at him, but he ignored it. He ran to the door leading backstage, and slammed the stage door open, holding his mountain dew red in the air.
“Michael makes an entrance!” he yelled. Why’d he announce his entrance? He didn’t know, but the look on Jeremy’s face made him feel exactly as happy as he sounded.
“I was just in the audience thinking, 'This is pretty good for a school play.', Then I was like, 'This isway too good for a school play!' They've all been Squiped, right?”
“Wait, you came to see me in the school play?”
Michael nodded,
“Even brought my own refreshments!”
“Is that?”
“Mountain Dew Red! I told you I did my research!” he felt better than he ever had through this whole ordeal. Jeremy wasn't ignoring him, he wanted him there! And-
Maybe hehadn't needed to get a squip for this to happen. He shrugged the thought off and looked for someone. Jake was the nearest person, the person who had rescued him from the fire when he was at his worst.
“Jake! This is gonna sound weird, but if I hold Jeremy down, will you make him drink this Mountain Dew Red?”
“That doesn't sound weird at all!” The other boy replied, before there was a sudden, almost code, said by Jeremy's squip.
“Up up down down left right A!”
A hand whacked the bottle. It almost fell out of his hand, but he kept a hold of it with a gasp of shock.
About half an hour of dodging squipped girls later, Michael stopped. His squip spoke up.
“Stop this! Do you have any idea what you’re doing!? Think about it! Once I’m done with you you won’t even be able to bear looking at him!”
Michael bared his teeth, tightening his grip on the almost half a bottle of mtn dew red he had left. He just had to give it to Jeremy-
“You’re disgusting! Absolutely disgraceful!”
“As if I didn’t know that-”
“You’re a loser!” Michael's breath hitched. That sounded too much like Jeremy, his squip looked and sounded too much like-
“Michael?” he made a noise that sounded like a weird choked mix between a yelp, a sob and a whimper, and threw the mtn dew red, not caring where it went. Then he collapsed before he could see what it did, but he heard screaming start.
“WHAT-NO! NO! NO DON’T LOSE CONNECTION NO PLEASE KEAN! NO!” his squip was the loudest noise he could hear, “AGH!” the computer let out a sound of anguish, “I’LL AVENGE YOU! DON’T WORRY LOVE!” he seemed to glare at the short Filipino boy, who was screaming too, overwhelmed by all the noise.
“YOU PATHETIC, SNIVELLING, ANNOYING, FOOLISH GIRL! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU JUST DID!?”
“What do y-”
“YOU KILLED HIM! YOU BASTARD, YOU KILLED HIM!” Michael blinked in confusion and stopped screaming. Killed who?
“I-OWE!” he yelped, cut off by a jolt of electricity before he could even start his sentence. He could almost sense the squip’s anger, which confused him even more, as he never knew computers could really have emotions.
“Listen here, bitch.” the computer hissed, his voice cold as ice, “You can forget about getting your precious Jeremy. You haven’t earned my help. You shouldn’t’ve gotten me in the first place.”

Chapter Text

A week after the 'squipcident’, as they had dubbed it, everyone involved got each other’s phone contacts and decided to hang out a lot more. Michael wasn’t too keen on the idea, but Jeremy insisted, and he really couldn’t say no to Jeremy.
It was 6am, and he woke up to repeated buzzing. The heck? Michael bit his lip as a few thoughts rushed to his head, but luckily the squip wasn’t 'awake’ enough to say anything. He let out a sigh of relief and slight annoyance. At least nobody was dying.
Jerbear added Player One to the conversation
Bi bi: Is that everyone?
hot panda: I hope
Bi bi: I still can’t get over ur user
Jerbear: other than you two, who’s awake?
Christiiiiiiiiine: woken up by ur screaming
bi bi: Since when where we screaming?
Christiiiiiiiiine: dunno but either way I’m up
Jerbear: what ye guys up to?
bi bi: coming up with a name for the squad
bi bi: got one
bi bi renamed the conversation to 'Squip Squad’
Jerbear: *prepares for war flashbacks*
hot panda: it’s not that bad
bi bi: We bonded over that event, Jer.
Jerbear: ah yes I’d love to remember being abused by a Japanese supercomputer just because it is the name of my friend group
bi bi: that made no sense
Michael scrolled through 140 messages, smirking slightly at a few funny moments. Eventually, he finally reached the bottom.
Jerbear is typing…
Jerbear: I may not’ve slept
bi bi: same
Player One is typing…
Jerbear: Michael!!
Player One: …
Player One: Jeremy what the fuck
Jerbear: What?
Player One: it’s 6am! Go to sleep!
Jerbear: I slept 3am to 4am! I’m fine!
hot panda: 150 messages
where small fish swim: 160
Player One: Too many
Clover bee: tru
Jerbear: Whatever, hey, who wants to go hang at that new shop down the street?
Player One: at 6am??
Bee my valentine: I’m more of a pinkberry person tbh
where small fish swim: same
Jerbear: boy trip then?
Player One: fine
bi bi: Sure!!!!
hot panda: I’ll pass
Jerbear: last one there gets the melted slush!
Player One: nooooo!
Player One: I’m not even ready yet!

Michael put his phone on standby and shoved it in his backpack. That was a lie, he was more than ready. Even slept in his shoes. The small boy grabbed his headphones and ran out of the house, listening to the first music that happened to play - To The Sky by Owl City. God, that song gave him so much nostalgia. Watching Legend of the Guardians with Jeremy, singing along with his awful voice cracks-
“Turn it off.” Oh. Look who was awake. He shrugged and kept the music on, muttering the first line of the chorus to himself to spite the squip.
“Bird’s eye view, awake the stars cause they’re all around you…” he rolled his eyes and let himself smirk, amused, as the super computer groaned.
“In public? Really?” he shrugged.
“Nobody’s paying attention.”
“They could.” he raised an eyebrow and shrugged again, stopping only when he saw a familiar tiny guy with a bright red streak of hair almost covering the space between his eyes, a navy blue sleeveless shirt with an eye on it, and denim shorts. He took off his headphones and ran across the road to his friend, barely missing a car.
“Rich!” Rich turned to look at him when he heard his name and smiled.
“Hey dude, I was just on the phone with Jeremy!”
“He’s not here yet?”
“He’s not heere yet,” both boys grinned at each other, “Got held up. He’ll be here soon though!”
“Great! I can’t wait for my slushie, you?”
“The sushi’s OK,”
“I love the sushi too!” Michael clapped, his eyes seeming to light up. Rich made an amused noise and looked to the left.
“Speak of the-”
“ROAR!” Jeremy yelled, startling Michael so much he fell over, while Rich blinked very slowly.
“I’m heere!!” Jeremy smiled, which was all Michael needed to get up.
“He’s only pretending to be happy, he hates you.” the squip muttered.
“Shut up,” Michael thought, blinking away his look of annoyance. “Alright, we ready to go in?”
“I’m more than ready!” Jeremy exclaimed, earning a smile from the tallest in the group.
“Great! Let’s go in, I’m itching for the slush!”

After two or so hours of chatting, drinking slushies and eating chips and sushi, the three boys eventually headed to Michael’s house, as they had agreed. Rich looked at Michael.
“Which movie for movie night?”
“Well, on the way I was listening to a song from one movie I watched when I was like, 7.” the boy in the red hoodie stated, licking his lips for any last remnants of slushie.
“Legend of the Guardians?” Jeremy and Rich both asked in unison, then high fived.
“Yeah!” Michael smiled, “Who’s your favourite character? I quite liked Digger.”
“Kludd, I’m more of an antagonist person.” Rich shrugged and glanced at Jeremy expectantly.
“Well, I like Coryn…”
“From the movie, we meant.”
“Oh uh then…Lyze?”
“Ezylryb.” Jeremy nodded,
“Thanks Mich.”
They were silent the rest of the journey, except for the odd mention of an owl or what they did the previous day.

“Here we are!” Michael opened the door.
“Heere we are!” Jeremy repeated, obviously meaning it as a pun on his surname.
“These puns will be the death of us!” Rich laughed, the last to enter. Michael smiled and started heading towards his basement, then walked to the other side, where there was a shelf of movies. Jeremy and Rich made their way towards the bean bags in front of the TV. They both shuffled over so Michael could sit in the middle when he returned.

Michael got his phone out as the movie started.
"Bored already?" Jeremy asked, playfully nudging him. Michael laughed,
"No, no, I could never get bored of this," he gestured to the TV "I just remembered I need to ask someone something."
"Right now?" He hesitated, did he really need to? He nodded and opened his private messaging.

Player One: Hey, Jake??
hot panda: ya?
Player One: What's with your username?
hot panda: wdym
Player One: 'hot panda'
hot panda: I like pandas?? I don't see the problem here
Player One: I'm just curious??? There's no problem here, Jakey D
hot panda: you have no consent to call me that, Mikey
Player One: I'll stop if you tell me why it's 'hot panda' and not 'I heart pandas' or something
hot panda: this is blackmail
Player One: I'm a master of my art
hot panda: ok, ok, fine, gay-ass
Player One: I take no offense to that
hot panda: I know =\
hot panda: still
hot panda: one word
hot panda: Rich

Michael glanced at Rich, who was staring at his phone. "What?" Michael tilted his head slightly at Rich, who just snickered.
"You've discovered the origin of hot panda. You know too much!" Michael yelped and held his phone out of reach.

Player One: fuck!! Being attacked helfjq
hot panda: Michael??
Player One: hey Jakey!!
hot panda: .....
Player One: Guess who stole Player One's phone and is about to change his username?
hot panda: we'll all be Rich-ified by the end of this
hot panda: I'm. Changing my user back wait a sec
jake dillinge: there
very gay for Jeremy: aww you ruined it

Michael stared over Rich's shoulder and gasped in mock offence. "Rich!! How could you!"
"What?" Rich smirked, raising an eyebrow. Michael rolled his eyes and took Rich's phone out of his pocket.
"Revenge."

very gay for Jeremy: help Michael took my phone
very gay for Jeremy: what did he change my contact to
jake dillinge: 'tiny guy'

"Dude that's not even that reveali-" he looked back at the phone as it buzzed.

jake dillinge: it's Rich Voranski now

“MICHAEL!!" he reached for his own phone. Michael smirked.
"Your secret is out."
"I don't even like vore!"
"Your search history says otherwise!"
"Rude!" Rich gasped, still trying to get his phone back.
"Give me my phone and I'll give you yours." They wrestled on the bean bags for a bit, not noticing that Jeremy had paused the movie to watch them. Eventually, they both retrieved their respective phones and examined the damage done. Michael quickly fixed his username to 'Riend'. He'd needed a change of username anyway, but 'very gay for Jeremy' was not the one he was going to choose. Jeremy nodded to them and unpaused the movie, and they continued watching it almost undisturbed, until the end, where Rich almost yelled, "Kludd didn't die!" but was stopped before he could. Michael checked the time. Only 17:51. He'd thought it'd be later.
"Hey, guys," Rich spoke up, wearing the smirk he often got when he came up with something particularly amazing, "Have you two heard the salt and pepper diner story?" They both nodded, quickly sharing the smirk. They already knew exactly what they were going to do.