Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Hello, precious.”

A puffy ball of tawny fur purred as Sebastian tweaked his fingers through the tufts of her ears, and the cat butted her head up to meet his hand. Sebastian sighed and stood up, undoing his black tie and unbuttoning his tailor made suit. Another long day, and another night alone, which was fine by him at this point. All he really needed tonight were his cats, his 85-inch plasma TV, and his good friend Jim Beam. Other humans were too much trouble.

Sebastian slipped on a pair of pajama pants, not bothering with a shirt. It was too muggy today, despite the AC blasting frigid air through his house. He sat down on the loveseat and flipped through the channels before stopping on a rerun of Downton Abbey.

He should eat, but he wasn't hungry. At least, not for anything remotely related to food. Sebastian was lonely, but why wouldn't he be? Here he was, a single thirty-two-year-old man in London, living in a two-story Victorian house with six cats and plenty of worldly possessions but no lover to speak of, not for lack of others trying. The men who fawned over him (and women too, much to his displeasure) seemed shallow, dull and uninterested in anything other than a one-night-stand or a benefactor with assets and influence. It would be nice to have someone, anyone he actually liked, to share it with. He’d admit that much to himself. Why on earth did he have to have such a large home when he was by himself all of the time?

It wasn’t as if he couldn’t afford it. Sebastian was a loner, albeit a wealthy one. He was the chairman of the board at Weston Incorporated, a company that produced eyewear that was then distributed to other businesses that sold frames. If he were so inclined, he could go out and buy a yacht and still have more than enough money to go around.

Sebastian stood up and walked over to the liquor cabinet. He’d have to restock soon. His hand glanced over the mostly empty bottles. No, he wasn't in the whiskey kind of mood, though by the end of the night, he'd surely make his way to it. He walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge and looked in at the half empty bottle of chilled Grey Goose, before closing it and grabbing a bottle of his finest cognac and a snifter from the table instead.

Sebastian settled back down on the loveseat and poured a generous amount of brandy into the snifter before swirling it around, staring at his reflection in the amber liquid. And so, his night would begin to wind down as the rest of his life crumbled with it.

Sips and tastes turned to gulps and guzzles, glasses and snifters forgotten as he drank heavily from the bottle of whiskey, the cognac already long gone. His vision was blurred and his teeth were sharp and on the edge of bitterness. It seemed as if everything was in slow motion, everything was too bright, too real, except for him. He was static, weaving in and out like a bad channel on a junky old TV, crackling black and white, drowning out all sounds of life and all shades of vibrant colors. This was life, this was what he knew, and it was a constant because something different meant he had to change.

And Sebastian didn’t want to change. He was too selfish for that. And so he raised the bottle to his lips again, though it never strayed too far.

+++

Ciel huffed heavily, blowing away a lock of hair that hung over his bad eye. He twitched in the metal chair, the seat still cold no matter how long he’d been sitting in it.

He hated this place, and he hated group meetings more than anything.

The counselor, Mr. Spears (or William, if that weird secretary’s word was anything to go by) marched in, his spine ramrod straight and his face as tight as always. Ciel glanced around the room. Doll was there, his only real friend in this place, and a few others he honestly didn’t care enough to remember. Well, he knew their names, since it was another group session, but he didn’t get close to anyone.

Getting closer to someone...just increased the chances of getting burned in the process.

“Alright, everyone, let’s get started. Today we’re working on goals. You start, Bardroy.”

The blond, scruffy guy cleared his throat. “Hi, I’m Bard, and I’m an alcoholic.”

“Hi, Bard,” the group said in unison. Ciel muttered his name and looked down.

“I’m Ronald, and I’m an addict,” said another, and another, and another until Ciel was up. Doll elbowed him in the side.

“Oh. I’m Ciel.” He paused.

“Ciel…” Mr. Spears prompted.

“I’m Ciel, and I’m addicted to pretty much anything you can swallow or snort.”

A low chorus of mumbles and muted laughter filled the small room as Mr. Spears glared at him. “Moving on. What are your goals for the day, Ciel?”

“Getting through this boring meeting,” he quipped. Another bout of muffled giggles.

“And how about your future? Where does that stand? Or do you plan on being in this group forever?”

Ciel stood up, his chair crashing down on the floor with a bang. “I’m done for the day.”

He stalked out of the room and pulled open the door so hard he almost wanted to look and see if the hinges fell off.

“Ciel, you have to finish this meeting, this will be the third time you’ve walked--”

Ciel stormed out of the room. “I don’t care.”

+++

Sebastian groaned, rubbing his temples with one hand before shuffling through the many papers on his desk. He had to stop this.

He tried focusing on the first page, and his vision was still a bit blurry. The light was harsh in his eyes, and he blinked hard, trying to read whatever the hell was written on this paper.

A knock on his office door disrupted him. He glared at the opening door. “Agni.”

“My friend, why are you doing this to yourself?”

“Doing what to myself?” Sebastian muttered, grabbing a bottle of Ibuprofen and popping three. “I’m fine.”

“I can tell something’s wrong,” Agni said, and fuck, this bloke was persistent. Sebastian’s head was pounding.

“Agni, this isn’t a good time.”

“Now is the perfect time,” the other man said, pushing his fist on the desk. “You won’t listen to me.”
Sebastian’s temper was rising, but then he raised his head to glance at Agni and his warm yet worried expression. “Do you have any suggestions?” he said drily, “because nothing is wrong, and I’m fine.”

Agni didn’t answer him with any words. Instead, his fist opened, and a pamphlet fell on Sebastian’s desk.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a suggestion,” Agni said. “Take care of yourself, Sebastian.” He straightened up and left the room.

Sebastian sighed and opened the pamphlet. The ‘Noah’s Arc Center of Hope.’ Well then. He’d never heard of it, but he knew exactly what this was. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t ever been to an AA meeting, he went once and never went back. This was different. He sighed again and brushed a lock of hair out of his eyes. It was a rehab center. He flipped through the paper; there was an outpatient program but it would interfere with his schedule. Sebastian tossed the pamphlet into a drawer in his desk and closed it. It was too much to deal with this early in the morning.

+++

Sebastian pinched the bridge of his nose. He was taking Agni’s advice, but why, he couldn’t really say. And so he found himself in front of the board director, requesting his two week vacation time early.

“I must say, Michaelis, this is the first time I’ve ever heard of you taking two weeks.”

“Would that be a problem?” Sebastian asked, his voice a bit harsher than he intended. The director smiled.

“No, no, I'm just surprised. You're such a workaholic, it's nice to know you'll be spending time on yourself."

“Indeed,” Sebastian said. “Thank you, sir.”

“No worries,” he answered. “Enjoy your two weeks.”

Sebastian marched out of the office with purpose. His vacation started approximately five minutes ago, and it was shocking how easy it was to get it. He hadn't even had to put in a request. Well, he was a venerable member of the company and had been for many years. And it was true that he never took much time to himself, except at night, when he'd drink himself to sleep.

Shoving that thought out of his head, he made his way to the car park and slid into his Astin Martin with a heavy sigh. He grabbed the pamphlet, put the address in his GPS, and turned the ignition.

+++

“MISTER Phantomhive, you need to keep up with these group meeting or you’ll never complete the program.”

Ciel glared but said nothing. There was nothing of importance to say just yet.

“This is the third time I’m telling you this. I know you have nowhere to go just yet but if you keep this up--what would your parents--”

Ciel stood up from the plush chair in Mr. Spears office. “I don’t have any parents, not anymore,” Ciel spat, feeling venom boil up inside of him and stinging his insides. “I’m going to my room.”

Mr. Spears frowned and adjusted his glasses silently. Ciel turned on his heel and walked out of the room.

“Yes, I’d like to sign up for the outpatient program.” A smooth, deep voice lilted across the registration office and bounced into Ciel’s ears. He stopped.

“Oh my, really? Well, I can’t refuse such a good looking man,” Sutcliff simpered, and Ciel looked out of the corner of his good eye and inhaled a sharp breath. A tall, dark and extremely handsome man stood there, his posture upright and imposing. His bangs were long and silky and the rest of his hair was short in the back and black as a crow. He was wearing an expensive looking suit. Ciel cleared his throat softly and started walking to his room. The man frowned and turned his head, but Ciel marched off, holding his head up high.

Good lord, who was that? Ciel shook his head. He couldn't get distracted by hot guys right now, he had to finish this program so he could leave and spend the little that was left of his parents massive fortune on a flat, so he could live his life again.

He honestly didn't know if he wanted to get better. He'd almost overdosed one time, and he'd had alcohol poisoning, too. But it was like a pull of dense gravity, an itch he needed to scratch. And he'd still let it drag him down into its greedy depths. Most of his money was blown on drugs, and he vaguely felt a twinge of regret thinking about his fortune and his family who left him the money when they were all murdered. He swallowed and snorted all of it, he had let it inject itself and course through his veins until he was sin itself, full of danger and excitement and loneliness.

He wanted to get out of here.

+++

Sebastian sat in a very uncomfortable chair and shifted slightly. He’d been down this road before, but only once, and he had given up on that venture.

A stern, uptight looking man stalked into the room, glancing over at the group, and Sebastian. Sebastian glanced, too. There were more than a few people in the room, and frankly, it made him uneasy, and his empty gut roiled. There was a blond, scruffy man who reeked of cigarettes, a twitchy blond boy with green eyes darting around the walls, a young woman with glasses, a girl with half her hair covering up a disfigured face, and a small young man with blue hair and an eye patch. All of seemed attentive and eager, but this boy seemed out of place, blowing a piece of blue hair out of his face with a sour look. He glanced at Sebastian then looked away, his glare intensifying. Sebastian sighed and crossed his legs.

“We have a newcomer today. Why don’t you introduce yourself, sir?”

Sebastian closed his eyes briefly. “Hello. My name is Sebastian, and I’m an alcoholic.”

“Hi, Sebastian,” the group chorused...well, everyone save for the blue haired boy, who continued to look more and more irritated as time went on.

They went around the room, and Sebastian stared at the boy, who picked at his fingers before muttering, “I’m Ciel, and I’m an addict.”

The group leader nodded briskly. “Thank you, Ciel. Today we are talking about triggers. What makes you feel like you need to use, and how can you stop yourself from doing that? We’ll be doing some interactive activities that you can use to cope.”

The meeting seemed to go on for ages. Sebastian was very nearly falling asleep before Mr. Spears (as he now knew) said, "Partner up with someone, and write down what gives you hope, and suggestions you have for your partner."

Dear Lord, he hadn't realized just how interactive this would turn out to be. Sebastian wasn't exactly a people person, and he knew next to nothing of anyone in the room.

He knew their names now, but barely. Bard partnered with the glasses-girl, Mey-rin, Finny’s eyes darted between Doll (was that her real name?) Sebastian, and Ciel, before shifting his chair towards Doll.

Which left Sebastian with an angry looking teenager. Wonderful. Sebastian let out a soft sigh and walked over to the boy, sitting down next to him. Ciel crossed his arms together tightly with an impatient huff.

“Well, we haven’t been properly introduced, but--”

“I know your name,” Ciel snapped. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Ciel…" Mr. Spears warned, and Ciel huffed again. Apparently, Ciel didn't play well with others. Sebastian could almost relate to that.

“You’re a bit young to be here,” Sebastian said lightly. Ciel turned to look at him and opened his mouth before closing it. He looked as if he had wanted to spout out a few curses, but thought better of it.

“I’m eighteen, I’m an adult. Technically,” Ciel said, his tone softer. “You look too well kept and rich to be here.”

“I don’t think any of that matters,” Sebastian said, feeling amused. How naive this boy was…

“I guess not,” he agreed. “But this place is still boring as all hell.”

Sebastian tapped two fingers underneath his own chin.

“How old are you, then?” Ciel said, a little forcefully.

Sebastian paused. "I'm thirty-two. And I'm bored as well if that's any consolation."

“Then why are you here?”

“Why are you here?” Sebastian countered, watching as the boy flushed. “You don’t seem to be enjoying yourself much.”

“I don’t have to enjoy it,” Ciel muttered. “I just have to get through it.”

Sebastian inclined his head to the side and watched as Ciel twiddled his thumbs. He seemed uncomfortable, one giant nerve of angst and anxiety. Ciel clenched his fists and grabbed a piece of paper. “We’re supposed to be working on ‘hope,’ you know,” Ciel said, his tone sardonic. Sebastian nodded and followed suit, grabbing a pen and neatly writing down whatever random things he could pull from the top of his head. He wasn’t one to put stock in hopes or dreams.

“Alright, what gives you happiness and hope?” Mr. Spears said, after a few moments. His eyes lit on Sebastian first.

“Well. My career, of course. And I suppose my cats,” he said, and Ciel snorted under his breath. Sebastian glared at him.

“And you, Ciel? What gives you hope and happiness?”

Ciel paused, and Sebastian thought it strange since the boy hadn't seemed one to mince his words, even in this first meeting. This young man...so unpredictable. It was almost intriguing.

Ciel took in a deep breath. “Finding the ones who killed my family, and making them pay for what they’ve done.”

There was a heavy silence. Sebastian felt a wave of frost wash over him, chilling him to the bone. Ciel stood up.

“Ciel, now--” Mr. Spears started.

“It's true," Ciel said, his voice thick. "That's what gives me hope. It's the only thing." He turned away and headed out the door.

The silence was thick and overwhelming. Sebastian felt his head swim, and he vaguely wished he could have a bottle of Hennessy at his disposal.

Spears cleared his throat. “Let’s finish this meeting. Mey-rin?”

And so they went around the room, mumbling vapid hopes and empty dreams until Spears concluded the session with the Serenity Prayer. Sebastian moved his mouth but said no words. He didn't believe something as nonsensical as prayer. It wouldn't change anything in his life, and never would.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom…”

Sebastian stopped moving his lips. He thought of the boy. So much anger, so much hatred in one so young. He felt pity for him.

But Sebastian would be lying if he said he wasn’t fascinated by him.

Chapter Text

Sebastian pulled his car into the driveway. The moon spilled onto the pavement, pearlescent and soft. As he unlocked the door to his house, he heard scratches and familiar mewls coming from inside. He smiled.

"Alright, I'm home," he said, brushing his hand over three furry balls, the other cats coming down the stairs as he shut the door and switched on the light. The cats purred, rolling against him, and he made his way to the kitchen to feed them. They dug into the cat food, forgetting all about him for a brief moment as they scarfed down the bits of food in the bowls.

Sebastian fell onto his loveseat and turned his head. He stared at his liquor cabinet. Surely one more couldn't hurt.

One more drink...then he'd quit. He'd be done for good this time.

He turned on the tall Tiffany lamp next to him, dim light filtering through the stained glass as he walked over to turn off the ceiling light. He paused, surely one more wouldn't hurt anything.

Sebastian slowly made his way to the cabinet. He stared silently at the bottles, most of them were empty, but still, dark liquid sparkled up at him, almost as if they were begging him to consume them. Before he could think on it anymore, he grabbed the half empty bottle of whiskey, unscrewed the lid, and took a deep swig.

And another. And another.

This is the last time.

His eyes were unfocused as he stood, wavering on sea legs. He hadn't bothered to move from his spot next to the cabinet. His hands shook, and a vision of that boy swam to the forefront of his mind. That angry, saddened boy, all alone, trapped, not wanting to change--

Just like him.

Anger flooded him. With an almost inhuman snarl, he took the bottle of whiskey and smashed it through the glass panes of the cabinet. His hand stuck through it, dripping blood and booze, the alcohol giving him an almost gratifying sting. He pulled his arm out and ripped the cabinet open, shoving his hand in and wiping the bottles away. They shattered as they hit the hardwood floor. The sounds did nothing to appease whatever he was feeling, this thick, cloying fury, God, he wanted it, he hated it...

He rushed to the kitchen where more bottles were stashed away. "I don't have to enjoy it. I just have to get through it."

Isn't that what Sebastian was doing, too? He didn't want to get better. He just knew he had to. He flung the fridge open, the bottles coming in and out of focus as he grabbed them one by one and threw them to the floor.

He panted as he stared at the mess in the kitchen, his vision still blurred. He walked into the living room where numerous broken bottles lay shattered on the floor, leaking alcohol on his expensive rug. He stepped on a shard and cursed as it embedded in his foot. Twisting, he lifted his leg up and pulled the glass out, tossing it back on the floor as blood beaded on the sole. He stared at the mess of his arm, the mess of his house; he knew he needed to clean this up, start over fresh. He just couldn't bring himself to care.

+++

Ciel lay in bed and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force himself to sleep. He didn't dream much; he had nightmares, sure, but dreams were something different. Dreams were hopeful and whimsical, and life wasn't full of hopes, or dreams, or happiness. Nightmares were more of a reflection of reality than anything. At least his reality.

He tossed to the side with a heavy sigh. What was the deal with Mister Hot Stuff? He seemed so poised and collected, not like anyone he'd ever seen in a place like that before. Ciel had only had one boyfriend, and he had been a total scumbag. Ciel still had some marks to prove it. He od'ed a year ago, and Ciel almost wished he could feel a bit of remorse, but he couldn't muster it. Oh well.

Who even knew if this guy was gay? It wasn't like Ciel could just come right out and ask. He could flirt, he supposed, but what if Sebastian thought he was a total idiot? What if Ciel disgusted him? Ciel didn't normally care who he disgusted, but something about that man sparked a little bit of drive in him. He was excited to see him again. But catching a glimpse meant suffering through more group meetings. Ciel groaned and rubbed his good eye.

And even if he was gay...would he even be interested in someone fourteen years his junior? Sure, Ciel was eighteen, but still...the allure of being with an older, attractive guy was almost irresistible. His ex had been the same age as Ciel, seventeen, when he died.

Ciel yawned in the dark, drowsiness settling over him like a thick blanket. He curled up and closed his eyes. Tomorrow, then. Tomorrow, he'd actually try.

+++

Sebastian stirred sleepily and opened his eyes with a groan. The familiar ache of hangover pounded in his head, and his throat burned. He glanced down; he must have passed out on the loveseat. His black cat, Soot, was settled on his chest. She meowed and tapped his face gently so he rose up, stretching his arms. He glanced over at the liquor cabinet. Fuck.

Smashed bottles littered the floor, liquid pooling all around them. There were stains on his expensive rug and the whole house stank of alcohol. He gently nudged Soot off of him and she pounced to the floor, gingerly stepping around the bottles to join the other cats.

Acid rose in from his stomach to his throat and he rushed to the bathroom. He didn't make it to the toilet in time before he vomited, bending over the sink and spitting out the bitterness. He dry heaved, waiting a few moments until his stomach settled again.

"Meow?"

"I'm alright," Sebastian murmured, raising his head from the sink and bending down to pet Clementine, the little orange bit of fluff purring and rubbing against his leg. "It's going to be alright. I'll clean up this mess."

He spent a half hour cleaning up the wreckage, sweeping and scrubbing until all of the glass and liquor was off the floor. He stood up and wiped his forehead. He'd have to take the rug to the dry cleaners. This was unseemly.

"You look too well kept and rich to be here."

Sebastian let out a dark chuckle and grabbed the garbage bag, the glass clinking together. Indeed.

+++

"Good afternoon, everyone. Today we're working on meditation techniques. Now, I know this sounds boring--"

"It really does," Ciel mumbled, glancing at Sebastian, who had taken the seat next to him. Sebastian shook his head with a soft snort.

"Pay attention," Sebastian murmured. Ciel turned away and stared at Mr. Spears. Sebastian seemed distant today, though honestly, it was only the second day he'd seen the man, so he didn't really know him that well.

"Breathing exercises are useful and calming. I want you all to breathe in through your nose, and slowly exhale through your mouth. Think of it this way; you are inhaling all of the bad energy, then exhaling it all out. I want you to think about all of the bad thoughts you've had today, and then let go of them."

Ciel glanced over at Sebastian, whose Merlot eyes were closed. Ciel closed his too. He promised himself he'd try today. He inhaled, his brain teeming with angry thoughts of revenge, pictures of his family. He held onto the images and feelings, and he almost didn't want to release them. He heard Sebastian exhale. So Ciel did too. The thoughts were still there, but the slow breathing was calming, as much as he hated to admit it.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Ciel opened his eyes to look at Sebastian, whose eyes were still shut. Ciel grunted and breathed in again. He exhaled slowly. "I guess."

Forty-five minutes later, they were saying the Serenity Prayer. Ciel didn't stay this late often, but God, he was trying. Mr. Spears looked at Ciel and gave him a silent, approving nod. Ciel turned to Sebastian.

"They usually have coffee and food afterward," Ciel said.

"Oh?"

"I like it when they bring the double-stuffed Oreos. Sometimes Bard brings burgers, but most of the time they're burnt to a crisp. There's cake sometimes, too."

"I take it you like sweets," Sebastian said with a smile. "I'll stay. Maybe you can show me around."

"It's in the room two doors down," Ciel stated. He didn't grin, but his insides were bubbling up in a warm sort of way. Ciel wasn't one to smile easily.

They walked in before anyone else. The others were still chattering with Spears, so Ciel led Sebastian over to the table, where cookies were already laid out. Sebastian went to the coffee pot and poured it into a styrofoam cup.

"Aren't you going to add milk and sugar?"

"I prefer my coffee black," Sebastian smirked.

"That's pretty gross," Ciel countered. Sebastian chuckled.

"It's what I like."

Ciel paused and drew in a deep breath. "What else do you like?"

Sebastian blinked and took a sip of coffee. "I like cats and literature."

"That's it?"

"Well, I don't socialize often. This is the extent of me going out, aside from work."

"Okay, where do you work?" Ciel prompted. Sebastian glanced at him.

"Weston."

"That eyeglass company? What do you do, make glasses for Mister Four Eyes can see?" He snickered and picked up an Oreo.

"I'm chairman of the board," Sebastian answered.

"Wow, so I was right. You are rich," Ciel said, studying his Oreo before biting into it. "I used to be." He frowned and took another bite. He could feel Sebastian's stare pierce through him, and he shivered. "Who's your favorite author?"

Sebastian cleared his throat. "I like the classic horror genre the best. Poe, Lovecraft...The Cask of Amontillado has to be my favorite of Poe's. And Stephen King is my guilty pleasure."

"Wow, that sounds bleak." Ciel grabbed another Oreo as the group filtered into the room. "I don't read as much as I used to. I like comics nowadays, it passes the time here."

"How long do you have to stay here?"

"As long as it takes, I guess," Ciel shrugged. "At least I have someone to talk to now." He glanced over at the man.

"I take it you don't like anyone here, much," Sebastian said.

"It's not that I don't like them," Ciel said softly, and moved away from the table and made his way to the corner of the room. Sebastian followed him. "Doll's nice, they're all pretty nice. I just don't care enough to make new friends. Some people don't understand. They all have families, jobs. Doll's the only one who knows what it's like to have no one."

"I understand," Sebastian answered. "I don't go out much."

"You've said that, but don't you have family? I'm sure you have someone who cares about you."

"I don't have any family left," Sebastian said. "And I live alone, which is comfortable for me."

"Don't you miss having people around?" Ciel looked up at Sebastian, who was staring at the table, watching everyone gather food and drinks.

"Not really. I'm accustomed to it. Sometimes..." he trailed off and looked back down at Ciel. "You must be lonely."

"It's nothing," Ciel said sharply. "I mean, yeah, sometimes, of course. But I like keeping to myself." Like you do.

Sebastian tilted his head toward the table. "There's cake now. Do you want a piece?"

"Is it chocolate?" Ciel walked over to the table and grabbed a piece. "Want one?"

He watched as Sebastian shook his head, his lips quirking. "I don't have much of a sweet tooth."

"Your loss," Ciel shrugged, grabbing a fork and walking closer to Sebastian. He stuffed a piece in his mouth, tasting melting cocoa and sweet frosting. He sighed. Sebastian took another sip of coffee, and Ciel felt his stomach flutter as he looked down again.

"You stayed today," Sebastian said. "I take it you don't often."

"Not really," Ciel said. "I guess you could say I'm more motivated now."

Sebastian's eyes widened a bit. Ciel smirked.

"I want to leave and start off fresh, and I guess I can't do that if I'm always storming off to my room."

"It's good that you're applying yourself," Sebastian answered, his voice as rich and dark as the chocolate on Ciel's tongue.

"How about you?" Ciel asked.

"How about me, what?"

"Are you applying yourself?"

Ciel looked up at Sebastian. Sebastian's face didn't betray anything, but he said, "You could say I am today."

"Oh." Ciel finished off his piece of cake. He glanced up at Sebastian again to meet his eyes, and something flickered in the other man's, something he couldn't place his finger on.

"I should get going soon," Sebastian said. "I have a few errands to run."

"I'll be here," Ciel said with a sigh. "I'm never anywhere else."

"Tomorrow, then." Sebastian's lips formed a smooth smile. "I look forward to it."

Before Ciel could say anything else, Sebastian was walking out of the door.

Tomorrow.

For the first time ever, Ciel was excited about tomorrow's group meeting.

+++

Sebastian turned the ignition and pulled out of the parking space, his mind heavy and reeling with thought. Ciel was intriguing, yet so lonely. He was so young...

He could still taste the coffee that burnt his mouth. He chuckled as he remembered the face the boy made when he drank it. Sebastian hadn't felt this interested in another person in years, but interested in what way, he couldn't really be sure. The boy had a sleek look of fragile beauty, tinged with something dark.

He turned the corner, pulling into his driveway. He had to feed the cats and take that rug to the dry cleaners. His life was terribly dull, and his lips stretching in an ironic smirk. This Ciel had made his day infinitely more interesting.

He was almost excited to go to tomorrow's meeting.

Chapter Text

Ciel stared up at the ceiling silently. He couldn't fall asleep. His body was exhausted but his mind was like a live wire waiting to erupt. His family...he couldn't get their faces out of his head. Anger flamed inside of him, and he wished he had something to take so he could forget them.

Maybe this is why he needed to be here. He couldn't control the anger, the hatred that made him want to lose himself. He always craved something to temper it down and make the memories grow hazier.

Clenching his eyes shut, he drew in a deep breath through his nose and exhaled through his mouth. Maybe those exercises were good for something. He drifted off to sleep.

+++

Sebastian woke up as he usually did, a quarter til six. He was used to the early morning routine; he usually had to go to work fairly early, and this meant he could have time to read, brew some tea or coffee, and go for a morning jog. He hadn't felt up for a walk in a long time. Most mornings that he woke up he was irritable, and the heavy weight of alcohol would still be pounding in his brain. Today was different, and he didn't mind it.

He slipped on a white vest and a pair of his old sweatpants, petting Isis and Soot, before heading down the stairs to feed and water the cats. He started walking out the door, locking up the house before turning on his heel and running down the sidewalk.

The wind whipped at his face, his hair flying every which way as he jogged, letting his mind roam free as a pleasant burn licked across his muscles. It was quiet this early, and he liked it this way; the sun slowly rising in a canvas of dreamy orange, the sound of birds chirping as they darted from trees and powerlines. He missed this.

Today...today he'd go back. He briefly wondered what tricks Ciel would have up his sleeve today. He shook his head and picked up his pace.

An hour of running had cleared his mind, and he slowed, fishing out his old pocket watch and clicking it open. He had quite some time before he had to go to the meeting, he could still make something for breakfast--something he hadn't done in awhile--and brew a pot of tea. He reached into his sweatpants and grabbed a lighter and his pack of cigarettes. He really shouldn't smoke half-way through a run, but he lit up a stick anyway, taking a deep drag and exhaling the thick cloud that misted over him like incense.

A few minutes later, he stubbed out the butt of the cigarette, turned around and started back home.

When he reached the doorstep, his hair was sticking to his face and his body was beading sweat. He breathed deeply, unlocking his house and stepping back inside. The cats were roaming around the house, and he made his way to the kitchen. French toast sounded lovely, as did a cup of Earl Grey. He put the kettle on before he started cooking.

A little while later, the kettle steamed and whistled. Sebastian turned off the flame and poured a cup, setting the toast on a plate and bringing them both into the living room where he sat down on the loveseat, putting the plate on the table in front of it. He sighed and took a sip of scalding tea, tasting bergamot and rich leaves. He wondered what was in store for him today. His once incredibly dull life had started to become a bit more interesting in the past couple of days, and he knew it was mainly due to Ciel. There was something different about that boy, something darkly intriguing. The anger, the sadness that others seemed to perceive as an annoyance only seemed to make him more vibrant to Sebastian. Someone who was full of so many emotions and yet still held themselves in such a prideful way...it was as if he carried himself as royalty.

Sebastian snorted and took another sip.

+++

Ciel walked into the group meeting as he always did, fashionably late. Mr. Spears barely spared him a glare, and Ciel's eyes lit upon Sebastian. He walked over and took the empty seat next to him.

"You're back again," Ciel muttered. "I guess you were serious."

"I don't make a habit of lying," Sebastian said.

"Alright. Today we have some new people joining us," Spears said, his dry tone making it sound as if he didn't care one bit. Ciel rolled his good eye. "If you will please introduce yourselves."

"Hi, I'm Soma!" The Indian boy waved his hand. He looked way too happy to be in the meeting. He was exotic, his amber eyes wide and free, and Ciel vaguely wished that he was more like Soma. He couldn't remember a time when he'd been truly innocent and happy.

A boy with blond curls smiled angelically at them. "I'm Maurice. It's a pleasure to meet you all."

Ronald, Mey-rin, Bard, Finny and Doll were there too, and Ciel settled into his chair, sighing through his nose as they made the usual introductions.

"We have a different sort of therapy today," Spears said. "Mally, if you please."

The door opened, and a woman with short black curls came in, wearing clothes that Ciel could have gladly gone his whole life without seeing. He blinked as he watched her bring in a small crate, with another man following behind her, holding a leash. "Animals?" Ciel said. "What--"

He glanced over at Sebastian. Sebastian's eyes were wide and he was alert, his eyes tracking the cat carrier. Ciel guessed the man wasn't joking when he said he loved cats.

"This 'ere is Pompom," the guy said, his long hair a rather weird shade of orange. The fluffy dog panted and the man closed the door, taking the dog off the leash. Pompom bounded around the room, his tail wagging furiously as the rest of the group giggled.

"Animals provide a therapy of sorts," Mr. Spears droned on, but Ciel wasn't really listening. He was watching Sebastian stare at the cat crate, and it was infinitely more interesting than anything Spears had to say. He looked down and nearly smiled as Sebastian's hands twitched, as if he couldn't wait to get them on the cat that just flounced out of the carrier.

"Here, Betty," Mally soothed. "She won't bite, I promise." Ciel watched as the cat cut across the room and made her way to Sebastian.

"She must smell cats on you," Ciel snickered. He watched as Sebastian bent down to let the cat sniff him, and she butted her head up against his hand.

"Yes, well, I'm quite the cat person," Sebastian shot back, but his lips were stretched in a soft smile.

They spent fifteen minutes playing with the animals, and the cat seemed unhappy to be separated from Sebastian as the woman ushered her back into the carrier.

"You'll probably see her again, don't get mopey about it," Ciel said. He frowned. That Maurice bloke was staring at him, and something eerie swam in his eyes. Ciel didn't know him, but what he did know is that he didn't trust him one bit.

The rest of the meeting went on as usual and ended in the Serenity Prayer. Sebastian stood up, and Ciel stretched with a yawn. He followed Sebastian as he walked over to the door leading to a courtyard. "What are you doing?"

"I don't know about you, but I need a cigarette," Sebastian said, pulling out a pack from his black trousers. He took one out and flicked a lighter to it. Ciel cleared his throat.

"Mind if I have one?"

Sebastian said nothing but handed the pack over to Ciel. Ciel grabbed one and stuck it in his mouth. "Thanks," he mumbled, the cigarette wagging as he talked. Sebastian stared down at him, and lifted the lighter to Ciel.

The cigarette quivered between Ciel's lips as Sebastian lit it, his gaze intense. Ciel took the cigarette in his hand once it was lit and took a deep drag.

He coughed. "It's been awhile," he choked. Sebastian chuckled.

"You shouldn't make a habit of it."

"I made a habit out of a lot of things," Ciel said. "These are the least of my problems. Except I have asthma. But I really don't care."

They stood there for a few moments silently, the only sounds being the inhales and exhales of the smoke. Ciel broke the silence first.

"Be honest. How many cats do you really have?"

"Six."

"Really? What are you, a cat hoarder?"

Sebastian let out a snort. "Hardly. They like me, and I like them."

"Seemed like you wanted to take Betty home with you," Ciel said. He glanced up at Sebastian, who took another draw and ashed his cigarette.

"She was quite lovely," he said, and smiled. "You liked the dog. I'm not really a dog person."

"And I'm not really a cat person." Ciel sneezed. "I'm actually kind of allergic."

"Remind me to bring a lint roller with me next time," Sebastian said. Ciel rolled his eye. "Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead," Ciel said, and flicked his cigarette, watching as the cherry grew brighter.

"You said you've been here awhile, and want to leave."

"Of course I want to leave! It sucks being stuck here all the time," Ciel snapped. "Sorry. Yeah, I don't know how long I'll be here. If I keep up the good work, like Spears told me yesterday, it would take a few weeks to complete the program. But then I'd have to go to outpatient, and they can drop test you there."

Sebastian sighed. "Then what happens?"

Ciel stared off to the right, looking at the rose bush that twined around the arbor. "I don't know."

"Don't you have anywhere you can go?"

Ciel bit his lip until he could taste blood. "No. I have a little bit of money left in my account from my inheritance. I blew the rest. I don't know what happens from here."

"You can't live on the streets," Sebastian said sharply. "Surely they have a place for you to stay."

"I don't want to room with any more people," Ciel said. "Too many people here, too many knowing all about me. I want to start off where no one knows who I am."

"Sounds lonely," Sebastian mused, and stubbed his cigarette out. Ciel took one last drag and did the same.

"Yeah, well, we're pretty content being lonely, aren't we?" Ciel said, glancing up at Sebastian to gauge his reaction. Sebastian chuckled.

"I suppose."

"Why don't you have a girlfriend? Were you ever married?" Might as well get that out of the way. Ciel blushed.

Sebastian looked surprised, and Ciel felt a rush of glee pulse through him.

"I...no. I've never been married. I live alone, remember?"

"You seem like the type who'd have a new girlfriend every other weekend," Ciel prompted, watching Sebastian's face closely.

"I wouldn't say that," Sebastian said, a smile quirking his lips. "I never have anyone over."

"But you're--" Ciel stopped. He couldn't just outright say that Sebastian was too attractive to not have someone. He might as well parade around with a blinking sign on his forehead stating his agenda. "Yeah. Lonely. Why don't you find someone, then?"

"No one has really piqued my interest, at least, not for some time," Sebastian said smoothly. "Besides, it's hard for me to find people who are of the same proclivities as I am, who I'm actually interested in."

"Wait, so you're..." Ciel could barely keep himself from stomping his foot into the pavement in triumph. "You're gay."

Sebastian stared down at him darkly. "Is that a problem?"

Ciel felt a grin start to form, so he bit the inside of his cheek. "Only if you don't mind that I am, too."

Sebastian's face softened. "Of course I don't mind. I was--"

The door to the courtyard opened, and that obnoxious looking Maurice fellow waltzed outside. "Hello!"

Sebastian's expression didn't change, but he turned to Ciel. "Here, take my lighter." He slipped three cigarettes into Ciel's hand. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Wait--" Ciel reached out his hand, but Sebastian was already walking through the door.

"What was that all about?" Maurice chirped, bouncing over to Ciel. Ciel frowned.

"It's nothing."

"Nothing, huh? Didn't seem like nothing."

"It's none of your business," Ciel hissed. "I want to be alone."

Maurice smiled. "It doesn't seem like you minded being with him. Why can't I stay?"

Ciel felt like throwing up his lunch. "I'm going in."

"You seem pretty cool. Ciel, was it?"

Ciel didn't answer him. This guy put on such a sickly sweet act it was nauseating. He started toward the door.

"Wait." Maurice shoved past him and blocked the door. "Why won't you hang out for a bit?"

"Because I don't want to," Ciel snarled. "Move before I make you."

Maurice stepped to the side, and Ciel could feel his eyes on him as he passed.

+++

Sebastian gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. He rounded the corner to his house, lost in thought. Ciel seemed very interested in his personal life...but why? Sebastian's heart hammered in his chest. He couldn't get distracted by an eighteen-year-old kid.

He shouldn't have left like that. He should have stayed for a bit. But fear of the unknown...Sebastian wasn't afraid of anything, but this was something different.

He needed another cigarette.

The boy looked elegant even as he had puffed on his cigarette. He seemed so fragile, and he was all alone. Ciel had no one to turn to and nowhere to go.

Sebastian put the car in park and headed inside. If Ciel truly had no home to go to...

His house was practically vacant save for his cats, and his possessions. No one ever came here, Sebastian hadn't ever brought anyone home. In the past, he'd always go to other men's houses or just hook up at the clubs he went to. He never stayed, and they never looked for him again.

Sebastian stalked outside, pulling out another cigarette. He could help Ciel. It was the least he could do.

+++

Ciel tossed and turned in the bed, not willing to go to sleep. Sebastian was on his mind, and so was Maurice, who had been tailing him ever since that meeting. He was admitted to inpatient as well, which meant he was in the room next to him. Dear Lord, if he wanted to have slumber party and try and talk with him again Ciel would eat his own eyepatch and stomp Maurice in the face.

Ciel closed his eyes tightly and tried to fall asleep.

The door creaking open was what woke him up first. Ciel shot out of bed, alert, his heart pounding and blood rushing to his ears. He reached over to the side table to grab his eyepatch, but someone snatched his arm and tugged. Hard.

Ciel fell out of the bed, scrambling to get up before a swift kick in the ribs caught him unaware. He crumpled to the floor, gasping as the boy stepped on his leg.

"You're not going anywhere now," Maurice snarled. He reached down and grabbed Ciel by the hair. Ciel wouldn't cry out. He wouldn't. He flung his fist but Maurice ducked out of the way, releasing his leg. "Disgusting little pigs like you deserve to be beaten down."

He kicked him again, and Ciel reached up and raked his nails over Maurice's pretty face. Maurice cursed and let go of him, and Ciel jumped up.

"I'm not the disgusting one," Ciel hissed. "Get the fuck away from me."

"What, or you 'make me?' It's working out pretty well for you now, right?" Maurice moved to kick him again, but Ciel dashed to the side. "You make me sick."

Maurice lifted his leg up again, but this time, Ciel was quicker. He dodged him, curled his hand into a fist, and punched as hard as he could.

It was so satisfying to feel the crunch of bone underneath his fingers. Maurice crumpled to the floor with a sob, and Ciel moved in. He kicked him in the side, over and over and over again.

"Stop! Stop, please," Maurice croaked, spitting blood onto the floor, his face mangled with a broken nose.

"I told you. Leave me alone or I'll make you." Ciel spat on his prone form and walked out of the room.

+++

Sebastian sat in the folding chair, next to an empty seat. Ciel usually came in around this time.

So why wasn't he here?

Spears marched in, looking tired and irritated. "Let's get started."

The hour had never gone by so slow. Sebastian mumbled the Serenity Prayer and waited until everyone filtered out of the room before rounding on Spears.

"Where was Ciel today?"

Spears shook his head. "I shouldn't disclose such information."

"Where was he?" Sebastian growled. "Is he alright?"

Spears let out a long breath. "He had an altercation with a fellow patient last night. One is in the hospital right now, and Ciel's in his room. They did a number on each other."

"Can I see him?"

Spears stalked out of the room, walking toward the secretary's desk. "It wouldn't be a good idea."

"Oh, William, give the handsome man a break," the ginger bloke tittered. "Don't be such a prude."

William's eyebrows knitted in a frown. "Fine. But only for a few minutes. He's not feeling very well."

Sebastian let out a sigh. "Where's his room?"

"Down the hall, three doors to the left."

Sebastian turned on his heel and walked down the hall. He knocked on the door lightly.

"Go away."

"Ciel? Ciel, it's Sebastian."

There was a long moment of silence, before Ciel said, "Come on in, then."

Sebastian opened the door slowly and held back a gasp. Ciel was covered in bruises, there was an ice pack on his head. Someone must have knocked him to the floor and he must have hit his head. Ciel sat up with a groan.

"Hi," Ciel said softly.

"Hi."

Ciel stared at the wall. "Aren't you going to ask me what happened?"

"I figured you'd tell me if you wanted to," Sebastian answered.

"That fucker...he came in here when I was asleep and jumped me. Because he figured I was...well, it's not like I deny it. I'm not ashamed of who I am," Ciel spat. "And he waited until I was asleep and he...he beat me down."

Sebastian moved closer, pulling up the single chair that was in the room and dragging it closer to the bed.

"Why?"

"Why? Why do you think," Ciel mumbled. "Because I like y.."

Sebastian didn't say anything. Ciel drew in a deep breath.

"Because I like guys, alright? That's why he did it." He brushed back a lock of hair that fell on his face. "I fucked his perfect face up, though."

"Sounds like he deserved it," Sebastian said lightly and smiled at Ciel, whose eyes darted back towards him.

"Yeah."

"I shouldn't have left."

"You couldn't have stayed," Ciel said forcefully. "It's not like you have to sleep here like I do. At least he's not coming back here."

Sebastian paused. He wasn't sure if this was the right time to offer Ciel his thoughts. Ciel stared at him. "What?"

"I was thinking, well, you have nowhere to go after you leave here."

"Yeah, so?" Ciel bit out, a frown deepening his delicate features. Sebastian pulled his chair closer.

"You can stay with me if you want."

Ciel didn't say anything. The silence was thick and uncomfortable. Finally, the boy let out a long breath. "You mean that." It wasn't a question.

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't," Sebastian said. "You can't live like this. Where would you go? A seedy part of London? You'd use again."

"So?"

"Aren't you trying to get better?"

"I don't know," Ciel said. "I don't know much of anything, anymore." He inhaled sharply. "I thought you liked being alone."

"You need somewhere to stay," Sebastian said, and he felt a wave of...something, something he couldn't put words into. It wasn't pity, but it was a bit sorrowful, with a slight glimmer of hope. Ciel nodded weakly.

"I'll stay with you, then."

Sebastian's fingers stretched of their own accord, and he stilled them.

"But I don't know that much about you," Ciel stated. "And you don't know that much about me."

"It's just a room until you get your life back on track," Sebastian said. "You need to be somewhere safe."

Ciel opened his mouth, then closed it again. He nodded briskly. "You'd have to tell me more about yourself, sometime."

"I expect the same from you," Sebastian said, and he stood up, looking down at the boy, who seemed so frail, lying in the bed, covered up with a scratchy looking blanket. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Tomorrow," Ciel echoed. "Yeah."

Sebastian left the room, his mind colliding with thoughts and emotions. Fury for the one who did this, sadness for the boy sitting weakly in the bed. And excitement, for once, anticipating the unknown.

Chapter Text

Sebastian fell onto his loveseat, remote in hand. He didn't feel like sleeping, he had too much on his mind. He needed something to distract himself with, something that hadn't any alcohol content and still could be entertaining. He rose up and made his way to the kitchen, grabbed a microwavable bag of popcorn, and tossed it in the microwave.

Before long, the kernels started popping and the scent of butter and sweet corn filled the room. He snatched it out and poured it into a bowl. He sighed and looked over at his movie cabinet. Ah. Stephen King always had a way of soothing his mind somehow. The tingle of anticipation for the next scene, hair-raising chills--he loved this genre. He slid the movie into his player and switched on the TV. Despite owning many books and movies, this one never got old.

'Would you like some coffee?'

'Well if you're gonna have some, I wouldn't mind, thanks.'

Coffee didn't sound half bad. Sebastian let the movie play on, went into the kitchen and poured some coffee grounds into the filter. He sighed. If Ciel really did take him up on his offer, he'd have to stock up on sugar and sweets. He watched the coffee drip into the pot silently, the cats crowding in the room, purring and tapping at his legs. He bent down to pet them as he waited for the coffee to finish brewing.

A half hour later, the popcorn was all gone, and two cups of coffee were already downed. 'Come and play with us, Danny...'

He shook his head and paused the movie. Even watching a Stephen King film couldn't distract him enough. He couldn't get the vision of Ciel, hurt and defeated, lying in his bed all alone.

Sebastian's fist clenched around his coffee mug. Ciel had to make headway in the program, or else they wouldn't release him. He didn't have much faith in anything, but he had to put his trust in that boy to make a change to help himself.

Or would he be helping Sebastian feel a little less lonely?

+++

Ciel yawned. His whole body ached and his brain was lit up like lights at a train crossing, thoughts rushing and steaming through his head at a rapid pace. Sebastian wanted him to live at his house. He had a place to stay. Maybe there was some hope for his future.

But would he be too much of a burden? Ciel knew he wasn't easy to deal with. His demeanor was as warm as an ice cream cone. An ice cream cone that seemed to melt a little bit when that man showed up to the meetings and acted like he actually cared about Ciel's well-being. Ciel stretched a little and grimaced as pain shot through his body.

He'd get out of bed today. He'd try again, and again. Deep down, Ciel knew it wasn't for himself, though it should be, it really should be. He would do it for Sebastian. If only he knew him better.

+++

Sebastian rushed to the closet and stripped out of his pajamas, throwing on a white dress shirt and black trousers. He was running late to the meeting thanks to his over indulgence in coffee last night. He scowled and grabbed his car keys, making his way to the garage. He backed up his Astin Martin and sped down the street, cursing as he hit a red light. He was never late for anything, and now was not the time to break that particular habit. He pumped on the gas pedal as soon as the light turned green and drove to the center as fast as he could without getting a speeding ticket. Good Lord. Another red light. He fished out his pack of cigarettes, popped a stick in his mouth and lit it. He'd be done with it by the time he arrived.

+++

"Is this seat taken?"

Ciel glared up at an attractive blond, the man's blue eyes sparkling. Hell, the man's whole body seemed to sparkle.

"Yes," Ciel bit out. The man sat down anyway, tossing his hair behind his shoulder.

"Aleistor Chamber." The man extended his hand, and Ciel could smell the hand lotion the guy seemed to pamper himself with. The man didn't drop his hand, but Ciel refused to take it. "How are you, dear?"

"Annoyed," Ciel spat. "I told you this seat is taken."

"Oh? I don't see anyone here taking this seat. What's your name?"

"If you stay for the meeting, I'm sure you'll find out." Ciel frowned. Where the hell was Sebastian when he needed him?

"Oh, I'll just call you 'Robin,' then," Aleistor proclaimed, lifting his hand and flourishing it.

"I'd rather you didn't."

Sebastian entered the room, his eyes focusing on Ciel. Ciel gestured his head toward the blond man, and Sebastian crossed the room to stand in front of him. Spears wasn't in yet, but the other members of the group were starting to stare.

"I apologize, but this is my seat," Sebastian said, his voice calm, but there was a certain danger lacing his words.

"Hmm. I got here first," Aleistor said. "Why don't you take the seat over there," and he pointed at the empty seat two chairs down and winked at Ciel. Sebastian looked like he wanted to snarl, and Ciel could tell Sebastian was trying his very best to keep his composure.

Ciel sighed and scooted his chair away from the blond man. Sebastian brushed his hair back and took the seat further away. Ciel almost wished that Sebastian would toss this guy out and throw the chair on top of him for good measure.

Spears walked in, the same as always, serious and uptight. "Alright, then. If you would all introduce yourselves, we will focus on talking about what made you use, and what made you feel the need to quit."

"Hi, I'm Finny, and I'm an addict." Finny started telling his story as Ciel struggled to listen.

"Hey, I'm Bard, and I'm an alcoholic."

They told their tales, as Ciel clasped his hands together. They were clammy with sweat. He felt uncomfortable, and Sebastian never seemed so far away as he did now. The blond guy kept glancing down at him, and Ciel shuddered.

"I'm Sebastian, and I'm an alcoholic."

"And why did you come here, Sebastian?"

Sebastian gazed at Ciel for a moment, before breaking away and glancing around the room. Ciel listened avidly now. He'd learn a bit more about Sebastian this way.

"I came here because I was letting the drink take over my life," he murmured. "I've been drinking since I was fifteen years old when my father passed away. And it escalated from there."

"What did you feel when you drank?" Spears pushed, and Ciel felt like growling. How was it anyone's business how or why? Wasn't it enough that they were here?

Sebastian paused. "I have so much self-control in my life. I go to work, I do my duties. Drinking was my vice, my habit, a way to lose my control for a little while. I felt angry..." he drifted off. "I had nothing better to do." He glanced over at Ciel again. "Until now."

Ciel felt his face flush.

"Thank you, Sebastian. Doll?"

"'m Doll," and Doll grinned widely. "I came here because I didn't see any hope left, like there was nothin' for me. Because my family abandoned me, I lived in a shelter for awhile. And when I got out, there was no home to go to. So I stayed at a house. They had drugs there, lots of drugs. I didn't see the point of gettin' better, because I had nowhere else to go. But now I have this place, so I guess I'm doin' okay."

"Thank you Doll. And our new member...Aleistor?"

"I'm Aleistor. I'm also an alcoholic," and this man could even make that sound over the top. "I came here because my life was getting out of control. My wife left me, and so I decided if I wanted another meaningful relationship, I should clean up my act."

"Ciel?" Spears prompted. Ciel grimaced. He didn't want to say anything. After a few seconds, he let out a sigh.

"I'm Ciel, and I'm an addict."

"Hi, Ciel," the group said, and everyone sounded so monotone, more than before, or had he just never noticed? The only voice he could pick out was Sebastian's, and he was staring intently at him again. Ciel drew in a deep breath.

"I didn't use until my family...they were killed, you know, and I had nothing left. My house burnt down, everything was gone except for my inheritance. I had no one to turn to, so..."

He broke off. He didn't want to finish, but if he wanted out of this place, he knew he had to.

"...so I used whatever I could to numb the pain. To stop myself from seeing them in my head, hearing them...but after time, it only made it worse. So I kept buying more and using more, so I could forget them for a little while. Until I was hospitalized and they made me come here. So I'm here," Ciel said. "I'm always here."

He glanced at Sebastian, who met his gaze and inclined his head slightly. Spears nodded.

"Thank you, Ciel. We'll conclude this session," Spears said. This time, Ciel said the Serenity Prayer, and he almost meant it.

Aleistor lifted out of his chair, turning towards Ciel. Sebastian walked over to them, and Ciel was never more grateful.

"Care to join me for a smoke?"

"Yes, please," Ciel said, gritting his teeth as Aleistor whisked his own hand up.

"Oh, I need a smoke break, I'll follow you," he announced. Ciel groaned under his breath.

"It's alright," Sebastian muttered. "I'm not leaving this time. At least, not until he leaves."

"So you got the creep impression too?" Ciel snickered softly. "Let's go."

They marched out of the room together, before Aleistor could move through the crowd of group members. For the first time ever, Ciel was glad for the cluster.

"Christ," Ciel coughed, exhaling a cloud of smoke. "It's only a matter of time before he shows up."

"Yes," Sebastian agreed. "Not to worry, I'll keep my eye on him."

"Maybe you could knock him out," Ciel said smugly, glancing up at Sebastian, who inhaled a drag of his cigarette.

"Perhaps," Sebastian said, and let out a laugh. As predicted, Aleistor flounced into the courtyard, brandishing his own pack of cigarettes.

"Oh dear, it looks like I've lost my lighter. Have one to spare, Robin?"

"That's not my name, and you know it," Ciel snapped. "And no I don't."

"Ah, well." Aleistor patted his pockets. "I found it!"

Ciel averted his eyes and looked at Sebastian. "What you said, yesterday..."

"Yes. We can talk about it tomorrow if you like," Sebastian said.

"I'm looking forward to it," Ciel said. "You know, finding a home."

Sebastian didn't look at him, but Ciel could see his lips quirk into a small smile. Aleistor cleared his throat.

"So, Ciel, what plans do you have after this?"

Ciel pierced him with a glare. "Going to my room and getting some sleep."

"Oho!" Aleistor laughed. "I mean after this."

"I have a home to go to," Ciel smirked. "I won't be in the area, not anymore."

"Well, if you ever feel the need to have company, sweet boy--"

"No, I'm not interested," Ciel forced the words out, clenching his fists. What was it with these nasty group members popping out of the wood work all of a sudden? He almost missed his boring life. But boring would mean no more Sebastian.

"Surely don't mean that," Aleistor said. "Everyone needs a friend."

"Ciel has somewhere to go, and other acquaintances," Sebastian said. "I'm sure he has no more room in his life for anymore...complications."

Aleistor let out a gasp. "Complications? Me?"

"Why don't you take your cigarette somewhere else?" Ciel snarled. "I'm talking to someone. Don't you know it's rude to interrupt conversations?"

"I--"

"Well said, Ciel," Sebastian purred. "I was thinking the same thing."

"Fine!" Aleistor threw his cigarette to the ground and stomped on it. "I won't forget this!"

"Neither will we," Ciel said. "Get lost."

With a huff, the blond man spun on his heel and ripped open the door. Ciel let out a sigh of relief.

"Tell me more about yourself," Ciel said. "I want to know more."

"There's not much more to know," Sebastian said. "My life is constant, and continuously boring."

"Tell me about your cats, then. If I'm going to be staying with you, I might as well know their names."

"Let's see..." Sebastian tapped his chin. "Clementine, Soot, Isis, Bastet, Fritz, and Polly. They're quite lovely, but they haven't been accustomed to other people aside from me."

"Do they scratch up your furniture?" Ciel laughed a little, and he hadn't smiled genuinely in years. He nearly shocked himself. Sebastian smiled.

"Not really. I have a scratching post for them," he answered.

"Is your house big?"

"Two stories," Sebastian said. "It's a Victorian style house. I have a tea rose garden and an English rose garden."

"Sounds fancy," Ciel said. "I...can't wait to see it for myself."

Sebastian glanced down at him. "If you keep it up, you will see it soon, I promise."

"But...are you sure it won't be a problem?"

Ciel watched closely as Sebastian shook his head. "No. It wouldn't be a problem."

"Thanks," Ciel said. "I really had no idea what I was going to do after I got out of here."

"Well, now you don't have to worry," Sebastian answered. "I have plenty of movies and books, so I'm sure you'll find something to occupy your time."

"Don't you want me to pay rent, anything?"

Sebastian paused. "I don't need any more money. You just have to promise me something."

Ciel stayed quiet but didn't take his eye off Sebastian as he moved in front of him.

"You have to stay clean."

Ciel drew in a harsh breath. After a long moment, he said, "I can do it."

He would do it.

Chapter Text

A week and a half down, one and a half to go.

Ciel couldn't wait.

He almost shocked himself with his tenacity and willingness to get through rehab. Sebastian seemed pleased as they sat next to each other, waiting for Spears to show up.

"You're doing very well," Sebastian said, as Aleistor glowered from his seat across the room. Ciel shrugged.

"I just really want to leave," he answered. "Time's never gone by so slow." And wasn't that true? It seemed to inch along little by little, each day seemed the same as always, except for the fact that Sebastian always had something interesting to say. Ciel would listen with rapt attention, though he didn't really let on. "Do you think he'll hold onto that grudge forever? He looks like he wants to stab us with a fork," Ciel snickered. Sebastian let out a soft snort.

"It's not our problem," he said, and Ciel's belly fluttered when he said our problem. What did Sebastian really think of him? Why did he care so much? He didn't seem to want anything out of the arrangement, that much seemed pretty clear. In the two weeks that Ciel knew him, he didn't get a bad impression, no foreboding feeling...it was almost unexplainable.

Usually, Ciel hated things he couldn't tangibly see, or even tell what they meant. He wasn't really one to look for the in-between, the shades of grey between solid colors. He was always black and white, and mostly, he was on the darker side of life. But now, he didn't really mind stepping his toes into the grey water, letting the waves of something new lick at him and cool his fiery mind.

What could the other man be thinking? What if after Ciel moved in...what if he pissed him off? What if Sebastian gave up on him? Ciel was well aware that he was a moody handful of angst and anger. Sebastian never had anyone stay with him. Why was Ciel different? He felt a little flattered. The only thing he had to do, Sebastian had said, was to stay clean.

Ciel sighed, ruffling his hair. When he thought about his release before, he was sure he'd use again. Because what else did he have left? He hadn't cared or given much thought to what would happen afterward. But now he had something a little like hope, and it sent a warm tingle through his insides.

"I'm Sebastian, and I'm an alcoholic."

"Hi, Sebastian."

"Sebastian, what do you use to cope with your feelings, instead of drinking?" Spears said.

Ciel looked over at him. Sebastian exhaled slowly.

"I read, I clean, I go out for walks. I like to blow off steam when I'm feeling...too many things at once. I've been trying to replace my negative thoughts with more positive ones."

"Good," Spears said. "I'm glad to hear you're staying sober. It's a rocky road, but it's worth it in the end. Do you have any plans as to what you're going to do when you're finished with these meetings?"

Ciel stared at Sebastian, his leg twitching a bit. Sebastian paused, before saying, "I'm going back to work, and I have something to look forward to now. Something new. I used to hate change, but I realized, maybe something different wouldn't be so awful."

Ciel's face heated up, and he looked down at his hands. Sebastian had something to look forward to. Ciel knew what he meant, but he was never, ever someone anyone could actually have in their life as something positive. He felt a rush of something that was almost like happiness flood through him.

"How about you, Ciel?"

"Hi, I'm Ciel, and I'm an addict."

"Hi, Ciel."

"I don't...well, I didn't really have any coping mechanisms," Ciel said. "I honestly thought I'd never get better." He huffed out a breath. "But I started thinking about the future, getting back on my feet. Maybe I'll find a job, new hobbies, something to occupy my time." He stopped and glanced sideways at Sebastian. "Or...or someone."

Ciel couldn't look at Sebastian now. His whole body flushed, and he clasped his hands together.

"Thank you, Ciel. It's good to have new coping skills, and I hope you find some. Having a support system always helps with keeping you on the right track. Finding positive energy and having positive thoughts is a good implement for staying clean and sober. We'll wrap this up," Spears said, and he nodded to Ciel.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference."

"Thank you, everyone. I do have an announcement," Spears called out, as people started shifting. "Two days from now we're hosting a cookout with another group. Anyone is free to join, and if people want to bring something to share, they're more than welcome to. There's also some food in the usual room if you all want to go."

There were excited mumbles, and Ciel stood up slowly, rubbing his good eye. He didn't turn to look at Sebastian. He couldn't, not now. Maybe he said too much.

"That was quite the speech," Sebastian murmured. Ciel scuffed his foot on the floor.

"Yeah."

"I'm proud of you," Sebastian continued. "You're doing very well."

"I'm trying to," Ciel muttered.

"You have to want it for yourself, you know," Sebastian said. "You should have more faith in yourself, truly."

"I've caved in so many times before..." Ciel drifted off. "It won't happen. Not this time. Not again." He gazed up at Sebastian, who wasn't looking at him but smiled all the same.

"Good."

Ciel sighed. He didn't know what else to say. He walked towards the door, and Sebastian followed.

"Let's get something to eat. I'm sure there's Oreos," Sebastian said, and he chuckled a little.

"There'd better be," Ciel said. "You can drink your nasty black coffee."

They walked to the room, but not before they saw Spears muttering to the secretary. "Grell, how many times do I have to tell you--"

The redhead played with his long, vibrant hair. "I'm not listening, William, unless you make me." Ciel shuddered as he watched Grell wink at Spears, who looked more and more irritated the longer he stood there talking to the secretary.

"Now, see here, Grell..."

Sebastian and Ciel continued walking to the breakroom. Aleistor was there, standing in the middle of the room, talking to anyone who walked by him. Sebastian stepped in front of Ciel as they made their way to the table.

"Ciel!" Aleistor crowed. "I haven't had a chance to chat with you!"

Ciel said nothing. He grabbed a few Oreos instead and poured a glass of soda into a plastic cup. He followed Sebastian to the pot of coffee and waited until he was done pouring it before they walked to the corner of the room.

"He seems quite smitten with you," Sebastian chuckled. "Not to worry, I'll make sure he doesn't get too close."

"I don't need anyone looking out for me," Ciel said forcefully, before biting his tongue. Damn. "I mean, it's good that you care. But I can handle it."

Sebastian hummed under his breath and took a sip of coffee. "Do you play video games?"

"What?" Ciel wasn't really expecting that. "Not really, I've been a little busy, Sebastian."

"I mean, before you were here," Sebastian said.

"I know. Well, I used to, yeah. I had a Playstation 4," Ciel muttered. "It's gone now, all burned up."

"Remind me to buy a new one," Sebastian murmured, and Ciel's eye widened.

"What?"

"You need something to blow off steam. Think of it this way, it could be another way to cope until you find new hobbies."

"Yeah," Ciel said, and he felt distant, he didn't know what to say. The room wasn't loud, but all of the sounds were rushing to his ears all the same, and he felt like he couldn't pick anything out. Emotions, words...they were all a blur. The man seemed willing to do so much for Ciel, and Ciel had absolutely nothing to give back.

"What do you want?"

Sebastian glanced down at him. "Pardon?"

"There has to be something you want. What's in it for you?"

There was a long silence. Ciel picked at his nails. Sebastian sighed.

"I want nothing. I'll admit that I'm very lonely, and it'd be nice to have someone in the house who I can talk to. Who understands."

Ciel bit down on his nail and muttered, "I don't know about the understanding part. But I guess. I mean...I want to. I do. I wouldn't have said I'd go with you if I didn't. I try not to say things I don't mean, not often at least."

Sebastian nodded slowly. "I'll wait until everyone leaves, and then I'll go." His eyes were on Aleistor's retreating form.

"I don't need--thanks," Ciel finished.

Everyone started leaving, and Ciel gazed up at Sebastian as he finished his second cup of coffee. "Tomorrow, then."

"Tomorrow. I'll see you," Ciel said.

"Do you need a cigarette before I go?"

"Only if you don't mind," Ciel answered. Sebastian shook his head.

"Of course I don't mind." He fished out his pack of cigarettes and handed four to Ciel. "Do you still have the lighter I gave you?"

Ciel patted his pocket for the Zippo. "This is a really nice lighter. Are you sure you don't want it back?"

Sebastian stared at him for a brief moment. "Keep it."

And then he was out the door.

+++

Sebastian lit his cigarette and started the ignition. Ciel was guarded, and he didn't trust easily. He seemed to think that everyone had ulterior motives. Maybe he wasn't used to anyone getting close to him. Sebastian blew out a puff of smoke and turned the radio on, putting on his jazz CD and tapping his left hand on the steering wheel. He didn't really have any motives behind what he meant, he didn't. He meant what he said about wanting Ciel to be safe, and that he was lonely.

Still...

He clenched his fingers hard against the steering wheel. He was well aware that Ciel was extremely beautiful. He felt like a lecherous old man thinking of him now. It wouldn't do to scare the boy off. Because even though he was eighteen, that's what he was. A boy.

But everytime Ciel looked up at him, his one blue eye doe-like yet far from innocent, full of pain and something else, a story waiting to be told--maybe Ciel was thinking the same thing he was. Sebastian would deny it because it wasn't his right to push an already pained young man closer to the edge. He'd either be helping him, or hurting him.

So Sebastian shoved all thoughts of Ciel out of his mind as he pulled up to his house. Tonight he would read, and look into getting a Playstation 4.

+++

Ciel stood with his back to the courtyard door, inhaling another drag of his cigarette. Sebastian...God, he couldn't stop thinking about him. Buying a Playstation 4? For Ciel?

No one had ever done something like that for him, not since his family died. Sebastian didn't seem to want anything for it, either. Ciel flushed. And if he had wanted something...

Ciel shook his head. Of course he'd give it to him. He wanted to, so badly. He wanted to feel the warmth of another body against his, the sound of another pulse beating in his ear, against his lips...Ciel let out a groan. He was screwed. This was going to be a disaster. There was no way that Sebastian could feel the same way, and Ciel would surely fuck up whatever this was. He raked a hand through his hair and started when the door opened.

Everyone was gone for the day, so why--

"Hello, little Robin."

Ciel spun on his heel and stubbed out the butt of his cigarette. "What the hell do you want?"

"You didn't let me talk the other day. Quite rude, don't you think?"

Ciel backed up. "No, I just don't like talking to anyone. Leave me alone."

"Now now, don't be shy," Aleisor said, pursing his lips. "A pretty little thing like you shouldn't be in a place like this all alone. Where's your bodyguard?"

"He's not...I don't need anyone to protect me." Ciel clutched the Zippo in his hand, his knuckles turning white. No, no, go away...

Aleistor stood in front of him. Ciel was backed up into the arbor, and the rose thorns were scratching up against him. He could feel light trickles of blood run down past the bruises on his legs. Aleisor moved in and Ciel couldn't dodge him, he raised the hand not holding the lighter to slap him in the face. His hand was caught and shoved against the arbor.

"Such a naughty little boy," Aleistor said.

"Get...away...from me," Ciel hissed, and as Aleistor swooped down, Ciel flicked the Zippo and held it against Aleistor's hair.

Aleistor didn't seem to notice at first. He grabbed Ciel's face and squeezed, before the smell of burnt hair filled the courtyard. "What--"

Ciel kneed him right between the legs. Aleistor cried out, clutching himself before realizing that his hair was on fire. "Dammit! Little brat!"

Ciel ran inside. Spears was talking to Sutcliff again, his tone hushed. He turned to Ciel.

"Mr. Phantomhive..."

"It's Aleistor," Ciel gasped. "He...he came at me. He's in the courtyard, I had to--"

Spears said nothing, but marched down the hall to the courtyard. Sutcliff glanced at Ciel.

"Got yourself in quite the bind, huh?"

Ciel glared. "Not one I'd like to remember."

"Don't you worry, Will is gonna take care of him," Sutcliff said. "He gets pretty intense, especially when he's angry."

"Isn't he always this intense?" Ciel muttered. "Nevermind. I just hope this bloke gets kicked out."

"Oh," Sutcliff giggled, "I don't handle any of that nonsense."

Spears came back, and Ciel didn't see Aleistor anywhere near. "It's fine, Phantomhive. He's gone now. Go to your room, we'll make sure he doesn't come back."

"Yeah," Ciel said. He drew in a shaky breath. "I..." He almost wanted to use the phone, but then remembered he didn't know Sebastian's number. He sighed. "I'm going to bed."

"It's a bit early for that, wouldn't you say? No TV time?" Sutcliff said.

"No," Ciel answered. "Not up for it tonight." He walked to his room and shut the door behind him.

+++

Sebastian slid into his usual chair. Ciel looked more on edge than ever today. He glanced around the room--there was another empty chair.

"It looks as if your admirer is gone," Sebastian smirked and glanced down at Ciel, who seemed to blanch. "Are you alright?"

Ciel shook his head, but said, "I'll be fine."

"What happened?" Sebastian said, feeling words drop out of his mouth like heavy stones. Ciel sighed and rolled his good eye.

"What do you think happened? Another idiot came at me again. I'm a magnet for this kind of thing," Ciel muttered. He glanced up at Sebastian. "Do you think people sense that I'm weak or something?"

Sebastian could barely quell the sick feeling he had in his gut. He looked down at Ciel and shook his head slightly. "I don't think that's it at all."

"Then what?"

"I don't think it's weakness they sense. Maybe it's vulnerability. People take advantage. It's what we humans do," Sebastian said quietly. He watched closely as Ciel nodded.

"You're right," he said. He lowered his voice. "I can't wait to get out of here."

Sebastian drew in a sharp breath and exhaled slowly. "I know."