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Language:
English
Series:
Part 1 of Stardew Valley
Stats:
Published:
2017-07-19
Completed:
2017-07-19
Words:
1,340
Chapters:
2/2
Comments:
37
Kudos:
473
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30
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4,202

The Pizza Quest

Summary:

As you walk, you are struck with the realization that your pizzas do not work anymore. Before, they upheld the status quo, which was to befriend Shane. Now he is your friend, but not your best friend, and that was unacceptable. You realize that you must take drastic measures to ensure Shane's complete friendship acquirement. Your plan involves pizza.

Notes:

Okay so like, this boi just stands in front of a microwave every Sunday I swear to god. All I do is give him pizza. His pizza hunger is eternal.

Chapter 1: Pizza One

Chapter Text

"Accept my pizza!"

You were a farmer. Except, also a fisherman, and a miner, along with a monster hunter and a lot of other things. Importantly, a chef was not one of them. Which meant that on top of your usual schedule, you made a point to go to the only bar in town every Sunday. Not to drink, of course, but to buy a pizza. To be fair, the pizzas there were not very good. But it was either pizza, beer, or peppers. You could not eat a beer, and you considered it weird to just give someone a single pepper, so it was pizza that was your faithful companion.

With pizza in hand, you would go to the little forest just a few minutes walk down southwest. From there, you'd enter the familiar ranch, and make your way to the kitchen. And, every Sunday, without fail, he would be standing in front of the microwave. Like he was waiting for it to bring him to rapture. Upon closer inspection, the microwave contained frozen pizza. Your pizza was, though both expensive and offensively spicy, superior. And it was with that that you'd approach the man, holding the pizza like some sort of holy object given thusly by the patron of bar food. That was how you ended up here, too.

"Accept my pizza!" You shout, tapping him on the shoulder with the box. The man turns to you blankly, a little distantly, and his appearance always disheveled. His name is Shane, and he is the most amazing person you have ever met.

He stares at the pizza box like it's a secret code. There is a brief, yet tense silence. The only sound is the little microwave buzzing along, and a cow who is mad at the world. Then, the man smiles brightly.

"Oh wow! How'd you know this is my favorite?" The man says. He has said that every Sunday you have gifted him pizza, and you assume that will not change soon. He accepts the pizza, and you stand there like a fool. You have given him many pizzas, and there is yet something missing. As you walk out, you hand Marnie a singular egg. She is ecstatic. You wonder what is wrong with this town.

As you walk out, you are struck with the realization that your pizzas do not work anymore. Before, they upheld the status quo, which was to befriend Shane. Now he is your friend, but not your best friend, and that was unacceptable. You have been in this strange egg-loving town for 12 moons, and can count on one hand your friends. There is Linus, there is your cat, and there is Shane. You do not include your other animals for the sake of metaphor. You realize that you must take drastic measures to ensure Shane's complete friendship acquirement. And it is with that that you head to the wandering trader, who may or may not be several dogs in a trenchcoat

Chapter 2: Pizza Two

Summary:

Your plan unfolds, and it is delicious.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You approach the trader with no real purpose, aside from your earlier mentioned force of will. The trader is anxious, and you consider giving him an egg to quell his fears.

"I have a quest," You tell him, and he slides you a tomato. The tomato is perfectly average, and so you slid him a large egg as payment. You leave the forest with one less egg, but happier for it.

It is not quite late when you reach your farm, but enough to make you hastily recollect your chores for the day, just to make sure they were completed. The pens were stocked, the crops watered, and the fences were fine. You enter your home and set the tomato into your fridge, and did not think of it for the rest of the night.

Morning came, and with it came your chores for the day. You step into the barn with singular purpose, grabbing the milk bucket from the wall and whistling for your cows. They are happy to see you, and several make it known as they lick your face. But you have a task, and do little more than spare them a brief pat.

"I require the best milk," you tell them, "it is important."

The cows do not understand, but get the general idea. You make sure to pat them again as you leave the barn, rounding the back to find the cheese machine. It stares at you imposingly, gathering pollen from the wind. You level it with a perfect glare as you select the best milk and drop it in.

"Do not fail me," you warn. The machine churns rebelliously, but it is not long until it produces a singular cheese. It is one of the finest cheese you have ever seen, but you have not seen many. You grab the cheese and continue on with your chores, chucking it into the fridge once you finish and ignoring it with the tomato. Your day is so busy that you forget about them entirely.

You remember the next day, while you are in the town market. And it is with great reluctance that you enter Pierre's. The man himself stands behind the counter, looking out at his store impassively. Your memories grow sour as you approach him, remembering the day of corn and sadness well.

"I need wheat flour," you tell him. He raises an eyebrow, but grabs the flour you so desperately need. But he holds it just above reach. You are envious of his height, and dream fondly of launching your cat at him.

"Payment," Is what he demands. Your eyes flicker to your bag, and your eyes widen in horror with realization. It is the most perfect bag of flour that you have ever seen, as you have only ever seen this singular one, and you know what must be done. You pull out a single tortilla, wrapped around an ear of corn, and you throw it at Pierre as hard as you can. Your throw is suitably weak, but instantly Pierre begins to complain that he hates it. You take your flour and leave, and when you get back home you throw it in with the tomato.

The day finally comes with all your preparations must finally pay off. Is in, in fact, Sunday. You will not be buying a pizza from the bar, because you have learned the recipe.

You toss the dough, spread the tomatoes, and grate the cheese. Then, you grab your final weapon. They are several peppers, which you have been saving for a time of strife. This is such a time. You deposit several of them on the pizza, before sliding it into your oven. It is done in the blink of an eye, and out comes the most beautiful pizza you have ever seen. It is crispy and warm, with melty cheese and the spicy peppers. It is, without a doubt, the best thing your hands have ever created. You wrap it as best you can, before running out of your house and down to the forest yonder.

As it is Sunday, Shane is standing in front of the microwave. And as it is Sunday, you approach him with a pizza. But this is not a pizza that is questionable at best. No, this is the best pizza the world has ever seen. The angels will sing of this pizza. You handle it like the holy item it deserves to be. Shane does his usual song and dance, until he stares closer at the pizza. He looks like he's about to cry.

"You remembered my birthday?" He whispers, "I'm impressed. Thanks."

He tries to act manly, but he is very close to crying into your beautiful pizza. You smile at him, and say the first words that come to mind.

"I made you a pizza because I love you."

You are not sure if they are correct, but then Shane gives you the smile he usually reserves for pizza, and you decide that it is okay.

Notes:

I don't actually know why I wrote this, but I will give eggs until I die. And also the one time I was trying to talk to Pierre, I had corn equipped, so he just took it from me and told me it was awful. Pierre is the real villain. Let me live my life.

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