Chapter Text
Why is it when we meet someone we somehow leave a scar in someone's life? The question everyone has been asking, and the question I keep asking myself .
I wonder how he is? what has he been up to? Was it my fault? What did I do wrong? Was I not good enough to fight for? Where is he now? What happened to him?
He left me with nothing but pain and these questions that has been bothering me for so long.
Our story started like the usual way a love story would start.
He moved into my school half way through the year in our first year of middle school. He was the mysterious type that would draw everyone's attention - all the girls were awed by his beauty, how can I describe how beautiful he is? Oh wait I can't because his beauty was surreal. Wait until he hits puberty!
The teacher asked him to introduce himself, "I am Min Yoongi." The teacher asked him to tell us more about him but he refused. I wonder where he was from and why he moved to our city.
Lucky me, the only seat available was next to mine but I acted like I didn't care, but I think he saw right through me. For the whole day, he only looked at me once and that was the time the teacher pointed at the seat next to me. I walked home since the school was only few blocks away from my school and I noticed someone moving in at the house beside mine. I think the odds were in my favor because it was him! I mean it's like your typical love story right? They're classmates and they live in the same neighborhood!
I ran to our front door, excitedly opening our door, my mom's warm smile greeted me. She asked me if something good happened in class today and I told her about my new classmate being our new neighbor. She told me to get changed and then give our new neighbor a housewarming gift and offer them help, I wasn't up for it since I just wanted to get some rest but she insisted. She knew I wouldn't be able to resist her.
I walked to their front yard and rang their door bell. The Min's house was exactly like ours, well kind of. Mrs. Min opened the door, "H-hi I'm from next door and my mom wanted me to give this as a housewarming gift. Umm do you guys need any help?"
She smiled and thanked me for the gift, "Mom did you see my red hoodie?" I heard someone asked from behind. It was Yoongi, he was wearing a plain shirt and a basketball short- I wondered if he actually played basketball. Even with those clothes he still looked cool. I waved at him, but he just looked at me. "It's inside one of those box honey, and do you guys know each other? What's your name hun?"
"Park Jimin and yes we know each other, we're in the same class."
Mrs. Min asked me to go inside and said I could help Yoongi unpack even though he seemed to be against the idea. I wanted to tell him that I didn't want to do it either but I decided to keep it to myself. I remember the first thing you would see in their house was a big picture of their family on the wall and under it was a table against the wall with a bouquet of flowers and more pictures. One thing I noticed though, Yoongi never smiled in any of them.
Just like I thought, the structure of their house is exactly like ours. Like us, in their living room there was a fire place and above it was a flat screen tv attached to the wall but they had a white C shaped sofa while we had a brownish L shaped sofa. Their kitchen still looked similar to ours, and in the kitchen there was walk in pantry. Around the area there was two doors, one for the garage and one for restroom. Then there was the staircase one leading down to the basement and the other one upstairs.
I followed Yoongi upstair, arriving there and then there was a small space area, I also call it a living room since it's an open area with a sofa and a tv. On the right side was two rooms and a bathroom while on the left side was the masters bedroom and a small study/office room. We went inside his room and surprisingly it was already arranged.
"Anything I can help you with?" I asked him. His room was like mine, it was quite big. A walk in closet, a big space for a study table and a queen size bed. Unlike mine his room seemed more spacious.
Without realizing it I stared at him, "Can you stop?" He said to me, "Is there something you want from me?"
"I-I was just- "
"Trying to help? Can't you see I don't need you here?"
"Why are you being so rude?" Feeling unwanted I didn't push myself and left his house right away.
After that day I never tried talking to him again. In school, we both acted like the other didn't exist, it's not like we had anything to talk about in the first place and he was pretty reserved so he doesn't talk that much either. He usually keeps to himself, he always had his earphones on and whenever he gets the chance to, he sleeps in class.
We were pretty much the same but a little different I guess. Similar in ways we didn't really like to interact with others, I don't know why he chooses to ignore people because I know having friends will only hurt me in the end but unlike him I talk to people nicely especially when they talk to me, he choose to shoot them down with a glare, or he ignores them, or tell them to shut the fuck up and go away.
When my parents wanted me to go to Yoongi's house and befriend that boy, I declined, nope not today, not tomorrow, not in forever. Until one day, I found out that our families invited each other for dinner. It was Saturday afternoon, when my mother barged in my room while I was watching some movie, asking me to dress up nicely for a dinner with them later. They were coming to our house so I had to help out: my mom cooked while my father helped me prepare the dinner table.
My mom cooked some steak and ribs and also prepared a cake for dessert. 30 mins after we got ready, we heard the doorbell rang. My parents looked at each other and they opened the door. They exchanged greetings. Yoongi's family brought some wine that I was not allowed to drink, disappointing.
We sat at the table, the seating arrangement was both fathers was facing each other, mothers were too and so we also had to face each other. We both sat silently not looking at each other, while both our parents laughed their ass off and gossiped here and there. After dinner, they decided to go outside the porch and drank wine together while I was forced to bring him in my room, good thing I cleaned my room that day.
I gestured him to sit on the chair for my study table while I sat on my bed, I think we were both uncomfortable. "So this is Park Jimin's room..." he awkwardly chuckled.
"Ummm yeah," I said.
"Soooooo what now?"
For some reason I felt frustrated, "We don't have to push ourselves to talk to each other so stop trying so hard." I might have shouted a bit since he looked pretty flustered but got to admit he looked pretty cute, I wanted to take a picture of him.
"You know I think we are a quite similar."
"Why are you changing the subject'?"
"Can you let me finish?" I nodded, "Thank you."
"As the school year is about to end, I realized that you had no friends, just like me." It was true, I didn't have any friends but that was because I felt like I was being used but unlike him I still talked and socialized with people, I just never considered them as friends and they never considered me as their friend either. "Let's both start over and be friends?"
I hesitated since I was afraid to make friends but I ended up giving in, I mean what can go wrong right? I'm not going to fully trust him anyways and so I thought.
"Hi, I am Min Yoongi. Nice to meet you." He let out his hand.
I grabbed it and shook it, "Park Jimin." He flashed a smile that I swear got my knees weak.
We did things like normal friends would do, we had our ups and downs too, we misunderstood each other a lot as well but in the end we would come to our senses and talk, we knew we needed each other, not realizing slowly I was falling in love with my best friend and I knew this was wrong. People wouldn't understand, I don't think he will either.
Time gone by and my feelings for him were growing deeper and deeper. I always thought I was too young and stupid and I don't really know what love is. But the thing is whenever I'm around him I just felt happy and myself. I felt safe with him to be whatever and whoever I want to be. I knew what I was feeling towards him is wrong, not only that he is my best friend, my only friend by means but also because he is a guy and I am a guy and it's just so wrong.
But he gave me hope that maybe we can be together, he have always made me feel like he’s into me that he loves me more than just his best friend, maybe he’s okay with a relationship with a guy. Maybe he was just afraid to try but that’s what drove me to do this, that maybe there’s a chance.
I was becoming more and more selfish, I wanted to be able to touch him, hug him, kiss him and be able to tell him that I love him and how important he is to me, I wanted it all. I couldn't wait any longer.
Today is the last day of our school before we start high school, our daily routine since then was to wait in front of each other's houses so I waited for him this time.
As cheesy as this may sound, there he was coming out of their house looking like an angel sent from heaven. He wore his Ray-Ban glasses, he said it helps him read, I don’t mind because he looks hot in it. And he makes our shitty school uniform look so goddamn holy!
Our journey to school was quiet, but I liked it, it wasn’t an awkward silent, it was the type of quiet that you would feel comfortable with and safe. But even if we were both quiet my heart wasn’t and my mind did not let me walk in peace. I wanted to tell him what I felt every time we were together, how my heart won’t stop beating so fast and how much I wanted to hold his hands. But I was scared, afraid to lose my only friend.
We got to class and our teacher gave us his last words before sending us to high school.
"Everything in High School is unfamiliar with you guys but we have done everything we can to be able to prepare you, in high school-"
I stopped listening to him and zoned out trying to figure out how I can tell Yoongi my feelings for him. I can't let this day end without telling him. Now or never I said to myself. One thing my school teacher caught my attention.
"-Remember high school is not just about your academics, it's also the time of life that you will always remember, high school life is the best! Just enough responsibility and time to enjoy your youth. This is the time you can also find your first love and find out the what you want to be in the future. High School will also be hard, i'm not saying it's all easy and happy times but make the best of it while you can."
I got it, I'm bringing him at the rooftop where we would usually eat our lunch, the only place we both have peace in this place, away from people.
Once our homeroom teacher left, everyone got up from their chair, some of them I don't even remember the names went to us trying to get us to sign their yearbooks and we obliged and they offered to sign our yearbooks as well, I didn't mind.
"Hey Yoongi want to go to the rooftop later?" I said after our classmates left us.
"Sure why not, it's going to be our last time going there anyways."
I suddenly got up trying and thought to myself, this can't wait any longer.
"Wait, now? really?"
"Yeah I have something to tell you, it can't wait."
I grabbed his wrist and started running and for a second there all my worries were gone and I was just happy, running in this hallway for once with the love of my life. When we got to the rooftop I started to feel scared again, a lot of things going through my head all at once, what if he doesn't like me, what if he rejects me? what about our friendship? all these question has been bothering me, making me weak. To even lose confidence in myself even more so.
He spoke first, "It's not like we're moving schools that far away, I mean our high school is just an hour away from here but I'll miss the memories we made here."
"Yoongi, I have something to tell you."
"Mhm"
I needed all the courage, it has to be today, it has to be.
"Min Yoongi, I- I kept this secret for a long time. Do you know how hard this is for me, but I need to tell you this now, I really do."
"Is something wrong?"
"I-If you start hating me, I understand. If you start ignoring me, I understand, I mean in high school you'll have the chance to start new and leave me."
"I will never leave you, you're my best friend." The nervousness I felt, I couldn't back out now, but I was so close to puking.
"Well I-I"
"Tell me"
"I-I"
"PARK JIMIN!"
"I AM STUPIDLY IN LOVE WITH YOU!"
I can't read his face, is he mad? is he disappointed? is he-
And suddenly his lips, those soft lips I've always dreamed about kissing, touched my lips, they were as soft as I imagined and the feeling of finally being kissed by the person you love. My heart stopped. I closed my eyes, I wanted to live the moment and there and then nothing else mattered, I suddenly don't care about the world around me and what they would think about us.
The bell rang, I wish it didn't.
I went home that day, happily looking forward to this summer, little did I know what was ahead.