Work Text:
There was no better feeling in the world than drawing dicks where they didn't belong.
In this case, the place where the phallus didn't belong was on a large, blue sheet of paper, scrawled in white. It was an extremely official document, classified. For if this paper with a huge penis on it got into NME's hands, it would be like someone opened the floodgates for all the secrets Meta Knight had. Truly, this paper was the most sacred of sacred.
Blade was meant to be drawing up plans for the Halberd. Really, that's exactly what he was doing. This inparticular piece of paper just had a huge fucking dick as the Halberd's base shape, rather than something more reasonable and aerodynamic. Blade was quite the artist when it came to drawing ships, and this dick ship was no different. All he wanted at the moment was to make a joke, something to show to Meta Knight and for the guy to laugh while Blade pulled out some actual, legitimate designs.
Was he childish for making a ship the shape of a dick? Yes. Did he care? No. If anything, he was taking on a challenge. Just how absolutely phallic could he make the ship look while it was still one hundred percent operational? That was what he had suddenly taken on. He'd make the ship's wings look as though they were small vibrators, give the ship a slight curve to have the head strain awkwardly up.
The underneath of the ship would make the entire thing look like a bad rabbit vibrator. Oh, just picturing it in real life made him wheeze with laughter as the white pencil glided across the page. Certain angles while looking at this absolute monstrosity of a ship would make people sputter and spit out drinks at how explicitly a dick it was.
The calculations were eager as he mapped it all out. It was drenched in some sort of comedy that he calculated out exactly how big everything would have to be, the exact dimensions, how much metal would be needed, how big the engine would have to be (and how much fuel it would need), what the bridge would look like, everything.
By the time he was done, he had taken up about three pages worth of paper. It was all there. Like it would be an actual, real ship. Honestly, after he made the joke, he was going to hang the prints up in his room because he was so damn proud of them. Blade didn't care if Sword would probably yell to take them down— since they shared the room and Sword was a definite prude when it came to Blade's 'artistic' tendencies—, damnit, he was going to do it. All this beautiful work wasn't going into the trash.
"Ya got some prints done, yeah?"
Sword piped up from the doorway. Well, yes, he had plenty of different options to chose from. He had been working all month on some of these things, so it was safe to say he had at least ten other designs to chose from. Each one was of equal abilities, just different specializations. A few were more focused on going fast, others on fighting. Some, like the dick ship, were more well rounded.
"Yeh, lemme just wrap em up 'n I'll be down showin' em to Meta Knight. Roight, ya should be there for it."
Blade's tone told Sword everything he needed to know about what could possibly be unfolding at the reveal of all these different plans. Sword gave him a look.
"Wot are ya plannin, Blade? I swear, I better not have to smack ya for whatever it is."
Blade was definitely going to be smacked for what it was. Blade removed himself from his chair, pushing it back towards the architect-like drawing desk. He rolled up the three sheets he had for the dick ship, then secured them with some elastic bands. He grabbed his other prints, shoving them underneath his arms and giving a couple to Sword.
He had made quite a lot.
The trip to the underground construction lot was made in silence. Meta Knight was already waiting for the two when they got down there. Simple, very serious nods were made before they headed to some wooden tables that would soon be covered in tools and other things. For now, they would display all the things Blade had been working on.
First, though, before he'd put them onto the tables, he'd unroll them and give a little explanation.
"This one's built for fightin', more canons than all the rest of the designs," He'd explain, "it got a problem with fuel consumption 'cause of that."
They all went rather smoothly. Well, except for the sixth design. The dick one. If Sword had his mask off, honestly, Blade would have half expected the guy's eyes to be so wide they'd pop out of his skull. Meta Knight was silent. His eyes flashed pink for a second before going back to neutral. That was a good sign. Surely he had appreciate the joke, despite the fact that he didn't laugh.
After getting through all the designs, putting them on the table, Blade moseyed over to Sword whilst Meta Knight appraised which ones would be used. Sword didn't hesitate to smack Blade upside the head, exactly like he said he would. Sword obviously held himself back from verbally scolding Blade, but it did manage to come out as loud grumbling.
Meta Knight gave a glance back at them before he continued on his little thing. He knew what was best for combating NME's forces, which is why Sword really got no say in the design process or the selection.
Meta Knight took a couple minutes to think, his eyes going green as he decided. The room was entirely silent before he made his choice. He rolled up the lucky papers, his eyes fading back to the yellow. He handed the plans he'd selected to Blade.
"Looks good. Let's get started on it immediately."
Meta Knight wrapped his cape around himself snugly once more.
"Wait, uh, are ya sure?"
The decision only took him a couple minutes. Which, well, it was better than taking a day or so. Blade and Sword alike were more than itching to get working on this ship. It had been a while since they'd made one from scratch.
"The sooner the better."
Blade nodded, Sword as well. Meta headed off to get the scaffolding, most likely. That was the first step, getting everything all prepared for the ship's building. Plus, all the tools that needed to be ordered.. It was somewhat ironic how they'd need to order their materials from the very people they were going to be destroying with this ship.
Blade unrolled the papers, curious and needing to see what plan Meta Knight had chosen.
Meta Knight had chosen the dick ship.
Blade could barely contain his laughter, and it made it even harder to control himself when Sword smacked him upside the head again.
"Blade!" He was practically yelling, which was alright because Meta Knight was out of earshot at this point, "Now we actually gotta build a flyin' dick! What is wrong with you!?"
"I-I didn't think 'e'd actually!"
Blade's hardly contained laughter and chuckles were making it hard for him to speak coherently. How Sword managed to even understand what he was saying was amazing.
"Stars help you if 'e ever finds out! Blade, we gotta work on building a flying dick for Stars knows how long down here! Blade!"
At this point, Blade just submitted to wheezing laughter. He had tried to put his hands on Sword for support but he simply flopped forward and laughed on the floor. It wasn't even that funny. He was near crying over it and the fact that it wasn't even that funny didn't seem to be helping him from calming down his laughter.
"B-Blade oh my Stars you are s-so stupid."
Even Sword was submitting to the giggles, helping the other knight up from the ground.
"I swear, f-for every day we have to work on the Halberd, I'm slappin you if you make even one dick joke."
Blade felt like he was going to get smacked every single day during the construction, if that was the case. A little thought wormed its way into Blade's head, which had only arrived just as he was calming down and coughing from laughing so hard.
Had Meta Knight picked the ship because it looked like a penis, or because he didn't know it looked like a penis?
