Chapter Text
She read the paper he had given her.
She was silent for a while.
“Ben”, she croaked, eventually, “you’re ill? You might be dying? Is this what you came back for? To tell me this?”
He hung his head.
“But, Ben…you…I thought…I thought you were permanent”.
His head snapped up, eyes glittering. He remembered saying those words to his father. No, to his father’s ghost.
“Oh Alyssa, nothing is permanent. Nothing. And no-one. But I am here for as long as I can be”.
She leaned into him then, her fists curled, nails digging into her skin to make the situation real.
“Why, Ben?”
Why what? He wondered. Why had he not taken the opportunity to be with her when they were younger? Why had he not tried harder to find her? Why had he let decorum, other people, time dictate to him? Why had he let her go? Or let her be gone. Why had he left it so long, so late. Why was he ill? Why was life full of missed opportunities? Why had he come back, when he couldn’t stay? He knew he would be leaving. So why?
***
They heard the sound of movement outside, and Ben was instantly alert, trying to gauge what creature it was.
When he was certain it wasn’t a bear of any kind, he released Alyssa, and slowly undid the tent flap. He was puzzled and irritated to find Sala, an Inuk elder, watching the tent. He gave a gesture of greeting, and signed “How are you” to the deaf elder.
Sala signed back he was well, and that he had come to see they were thriving after their swim. Ben blushed, realising that Sala had seen them in the water, and that he had been waiting patiently, checking up on them.
He signed back that they had warmed up, and were about to pack up and return home. Sala nodded and signed did they need any help? Ben signed back no thank you, so Sala nodded slowly and turned away.
Ben had a mixture of emotions going through his head – fear, anger, lust, and a bit of relief. Relief that the decision had been taken out his hands, as to whether to kiss Alyssa or not. But he expected he would be forever asking himself the question of whether he should or not.