Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jyn had been an idiot to think that moving in with her best friend would immediately quell her growing interest in him.

Interest. She had a thing. She wasn’t ready to think about the L word and “crush” sounded so trite.

To be fair, she and Cassian were already best friends—they had met after both moving to the United States for school, Jyn for her bachelor’s and Cassian for a master’s. They somehow broke each other’s inscrutable exteriors, which was a miracle for two people like them that didn’t grow up with much and were used to being resigned to solitude rather than deign to desire simple companionship. Jyn, silly as it was, always thought that maybe that’s why they had been drawn to each other, like they somehow sensed the other’s similar painful past and wanted to help however they could, hopefully finding some relief from their own.

A move to a big city more or less demanded a roommate, if they wanted to have enough money to eat, that is. Jyn was hesitant at first when Cassian suggested that they move in together, but she really didn’t have other options: everyone else she was close to already had a set living situation and actually finding a viable stranger online was so frustrating. But Cassian was a friend and he was reliable and their building was only a quick walk to work so as far as options go—not bad.

Besides, spending more time with Cassian was always a plus.

She did however, suspect that cohabitation would help get rid of whatever…feelings she had been having about him. Being unable to avoid him on either of their bad days and possibly getting into typical roommate fights about dishes or rent would bring out a side of him she wouldn’t normally see. Surely that would shatter any fanatical notions she had of him.

It did not.

Everything she feared just turned out to be either of no real consequence, or pleasantly domestic instead.

Jyn soon found out that she was still ridiculously attracted to Cassian even in the mornings when he had messy hair and dark circles under his eyes. In such a state, he gave her a warm smile towards the entrance of the kitchen before he turned on the coffee machine, going through the motions of grabbing a filter and filling a cup with water. Jyn just sat at the tall island at the edge of the room and ate her toast, watching him for lack of anything else to do. Cassian yawned, stretching his arms above his head and she saw his sleep t-shirt riding up to show a strip of skin and the trail of hair disappearing into his shorts. Jyn quickly looked down at her plate and wondered what she had gotten herself into.

Living together in a tiny apartment with only one bathroom meant that the boundaries between them became few. After budgeting for July they decided to cut back on air conditioning, and most days that month they would just open the windows, turn on fans, and walk around the apartment wearing the least amount of clothes possible that still preserved decency. It wasn’t awkward after a while because of how necessary it was, and Jyn wasn’t going to complain about seeing him shirtless. Anyway it was hard to be embarrassed when all you could think about was the sweat clinging to your skin.

“Aren’t you hot?” Jyn asked, as she sat at the island wearing only a loose cropped tank (fuck that underboob sweat) and underwear that she could pretend she didn’t specifically choose knowing he would see it. Nothing obviously fancy but today it was a pair with a ruched back in which what little ass she had was actually noticeable.

“Of course I’m hot,” Cassian answered.

“Why the shirt then?”

“Because I’m making chorizo and I’m not about to get hit by oil again,” he answered, pulling a large pan from the drying rack. Jyn winced. The shirt had long sleeves too. Clearly he wasn’t taking any chances.

“I can already see sweat stains, just ditch it.”

“You’re starting to make this weird, Jyn.”

“If you die of a heatstroke I won’t be able to afford to pay rent, so think of the real victim here,” Jyn shot back.

“I’ll go back to being slightly less suffocated in just a minute. You won’t be rid of me so easily.” Jyn just rolled her eyes and grabbed a napkin from the basket in front of her to wipe the sweat off her back. Again.

And then there was the hookups.

Neither of them really wanted to get into dating anytime soon so occasionally picking someone up during a night out was a fun substitute. What was not fun was how their rooms were right next to each other and they would accidentally give the other an earful if said roommate was home.

Jyn drowned it out with music from headphones but often misjudged when it was over, so she would fall asleep trying not to think of the sounds Cassian made that she so desperately wanted to hear again without a wall in between them. And she definitely tried not to think about the moans and gasps and curses coming from that night’s lady. They always sounded like they were having quite the good time.

Not that Jyn never had good times. She brought home men too sometimes, but more often went home with them. She never quite liked mornings in unfamiliar settings so would often leave to pass out in her own bed. Not a dick move like sneaking off when they were asleep but more like a quick post-coitus cuddle followed with “hey this was fun but I have to go home and let my dog out”. The guys didn’t have to know that she didn’t actually have a dog.

This time Jyn stayed the night and came back to the apartment early on a Sunday morning to see Cassian already out of bed and dressed, milling about in the kitchen.

“Hey,” he greeted her while grabbing an extra coffee mug. He paused, then added in a casual tone, “You didn’t respond to my text last night.”

“Sorry, I saw it but forgot to reply.” They always tried to check in on each other if one didn’t come home. (Jyn failed a lot, to which she had previously explained to Cassian that it’s not my fault, it’s just that it is simply rude to check your phone when you’re on top of someone. He conceded.)

“That’s fine. Good night?” he asked.

Jyn shrugged and felt herself blushing. She accidentally left her elastic behind so her hair was down and noticeably messy. Most guys don’t have makeup wipes so her eyes always felt so crusty with smudged eyeliner the next day and she was sure it wasn’t a great look. “Yeah, good. Fine.”

“You sound very enthusiastic about it,” Cassian deadpanned as she walked by him to open the freezer.

Jyn was blushing for a different reason now, rather than remembering last night, and she was glad for the open freezer door between them as she pulled out a box of icy waffles. She shut the door with more force than needed and hunched her shoulders, as if it would make her look smaller. “I don’t know, what do you want me to say?” she snapped, feeling defensive all of the sudden. Why was he even prodding her? It’s not like he wanted all the gross details or anything.

Cassian furrowed his brow and walked to her, standing closer than was probably necessary. His presence was so warm and welcome to Jyn that she truly had never felt uncomfortable when he crowded her, even with his added height. He looked down at her. “Are you okay?”

She leaned into his space to set the toaster and looked back to him. “I’m fine,” she put her fingers on her temple. “Just a headache. You know how it is.”

She was probably imagining his eyes on her lips, still swollen from last night’s activities. As well as more from this morning, actually. He was looking at her…chin or something. That was it.

Cassian’s expression didn’t change, but he stepped back and poured his coffee. “Feel better,” he said as he walked back to his room.

Jyn slumped over the counter, groaning internally. It wasn’t fair to Cassian to take her frustrations out on him, even if he was the cause of it.

No he’s not. She reminded herself. Your bloody feelings are.

She lifted her head and noticed to her left elbow a mug of coffee already poured. It was such a small action for her to get emotional about but dammit, he could be incredibly sweet sometimes.

They had gotten closer since moving in together, too. Physically. Jyn was hyperaware of a lot of casual touching and wondered if Cassian even noticed it.

They were lounging on the couch at night with the local news nearly muted in the background while they were preoccupied with their phones. Jyn’s toes were just brushing Cassian’s thigh and she looked up when she felt a finger on her ankle. Cassian was pointing at the peeling band-aid she had forgotten she put on.

“What’s this for?”

“I cut myself shaving earlier. Ankles cut really easily. Or at least mine do.” Jyn wasn’t sure why she felt the need to explain.

Cassian nodded and turned back to his phone, but kept his hand resting on her lower leg. Jyn blinked in confusion when his fingers started absently drawing patterns on her skin. He wasn’t looking at his hand, he wasn’t looking at her. Was this intentional? Jyn was wearing a sundress then and really didn’t need to think about his hands on her legs. More specifically, his hands running up her legs. Even more specifically, his hands running up her legs and under her skirt.

Later, Jyn.

A hand on the lowest and least sexy part of her leg really shouldn’t have caused her to blush, but it was Cassian, and his hand was warm and soothing and Jyn just liked the feeling of him touching her.

“Cassian?”

He turned to her and she nodded at her leg. He pulled his hand off and visibly scooted a little away from her feet.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to…” he was trying to look for the words, “Your leg was really smooth.”

Jyn couldn’t help but smile and she leaned down to rub one of her shins.

“Yeah, I love this feeling right after shaving, too.”

She looked at him and tried to think of a way to let him know that his touch was always welcome. Anything she said would have undoubtedly sounded creepy or desperate so she just left it alone and lay against the pillow on her side of the couch, stretching her legs out and accidentally poking Cassian with her big toe. He looked over at her and she just smiled. He smiled back, and they let the comfortable silence embrace them, Jyn feeling just a little warmer.

The lack of boundaries clearly kept building. Their lack of communication equally sturdy.

It was the early evening when Jyn got a text from her roommate saying that he was buying groceries to make dinner and asked if she wanted anything. She replied with her short list (waffles, jam, apples, those energy bars that Cassian said were too sugary to have any nutritional value but she ignored him and ate them for breakfast most mornings on the way to work) before tossing her phone on her bed and crossing the hall to the shared bathroom. She turned on the shower and undressed, not bothering to close the door all the way. She wanted to braid her hair when it was clean and untangled and it was going to be much easier if the mirror wasn’t fogged up.

Conditioner dripped onto her shoulders when Jyn reached for her body wash from the rack at the front and squeezed it into her hand. When nothing came out, she knocked the bottom against the tile and tried again. There was maybe a dollop left and she swore at herself for forgetting to ask Cassian to get some at the store. She settled for his body wash instead. It wasn’t that important if she didn’t smell like summer blossom (whatever that was) this instant.

She’ll never know what caused it. Maybe it was the towel wrapped around her head, maybe she was just unfocused and distracted, or maybe she just needed to be more aware of her surroundings, but once the water was turned off and she was out of the shower, Jyn somehow didn’t hear the sound of the front door closing, along with the click of the lock.

That was how she happened to be stark naked, towel pooled around her feet, combing the excess water out of her hair when, a few minutes later, the door was bumped open all the way and Cassian appeared, carrying a bunch of what looked like shampoo bottles in his arms.

To his credit, he turned back around immediately with a quickly shouted “Sorry!” and disappeared from sight. But Jyn hadn’t had time to cover herself and had accidentally given him quite an eyeful. Fuck.

“At least knock!” she shouted back, kicking the door closed.

“The door was open!” came the muffled reply, “Who leaves the door open?”

“You weren’t home!”

Somehow this was their first awkward encounter with the shared bathroom. They had seen each other in just towels or underwear before but never completely in the buff. Of course if he were a perfectly platonic friend they could just move past this without a second thought. However, there was still her personal dilemma. For the moment he was a perfectly platonic friend, but she wanted more. She wanted him to see her naked. She wanted to have nothing to hide. She had been thinking about him only minutes before—a quick fantasy she sometimes played in her head while washing herself. She imagined his hands slipping along her soapy breasts and backside while his tongue chased the shower spray down her body. He would pull her thighs apart and hold them steady while he kneeled down to press kisses to her abdomen before his mouth travelled lower. She shivered just thinking about it in that moment. Sometimes she wanted him so badly that she couldn’t think straight.

If what she did next was any indication, this was clearly one of those times.

Before she could have second thoughts, before she could talk herself out of it, before she could stop and tell herself Jyn you fucking idiot he’s your best friend and you’re going to ruin everything, she picked up the discarded towel and wrapped it around herself, opened the door and stepped into the hallway.

She entered the kitchen to the sight of several grocery bags on the counter, while Cassian was moving around to put them away. He looked at her when she walked through the doorway before he went back to stuffing one plastic bag into another.

“I’m so sorry, I had just gotten some shampoo and body wash and I was putting them away.” He still wasn’t looking at her, instead filling the fridge with produce bags (distractedly, she noticed. Normally he put produce in the bottom drawers but right now he was shoving them anywhere that would fit). “I noticed you were out of that flower stuff this morning because I knocked the bottle over and it felt pretty empty so I was just going to leave it in the bathroom so you didn’t forget,” he rambled, an explanation. An embarrassed Cassian was a rare sight indeed.

Jyn shook her head, arms crossed over her chest. “It’s fine, Cassian. You know…” He was facing away towards a cabinet and she took the opportunity. She unfolded her arms and moved one hand across her chest, taking the corner of the towel where it sat below her armpit. “If you wanted to look, all you had to do was ask.”

Cassian glanced over his shoulder, confusion on his face that quickly changed when Jyn opened up the towel and let it drop to the floor. She was cold after the shower, and the combination of that and nervousness gave her goose bumps and tight nipples. She hadn’t really thought of how to pose that didn’t feel awkward and quickly settled on moving her weight onto one leg and lightly resting her open hands on the front of her thighs.

Cassian had turned his whole body to face her and she almost wanted to laugh because of his expression. He looked so serious, doing that intense scowl that Jyn always thought looked more like a pout. He made that face in all sorts of situations, and Jyn couldn’t guess what he was thinking.

What was realistically a few seconds but felt like much longer passed with his only response being his eyes scanning over her naked body. Jyn was suddenly full of doubt, afraid she had misread the tension between them, afraid that she was projecting her own feelings onto him, that his closeness and warmth was just because he’s a good friend, and the way he looked at her with such adoration was something Jyn had just imagined. She was so close to finally covering herself and walking away in shame when Cassian crossed the room in a few strides and wrapped his arms around her back, pulling her into him so he could kiss her unlike she’s ever been kissed in her life.

Goddamn.

He was so hungry, and in the moment Jyn felt so desirable—she was finally being seen in a way that she had wanted Cassian to see her. His nose bumped against hers when he turned his head to deepen the kiss, his tongue darting into her mouth.

Jyn didn’t have to be told twice and hugged him around the middle while returning the kiss, but it was really impossible to get any closer to him. It was almost like he was trying to surround her, to envelop her to the point where she couldn’t see or think of anything that wasn’t him. If that was his intention, it was working because all thoughts left her head that weren’t related to his lips and hands and lean body pressing against the length of hers.

“Cassian,” she breathed after she broke the kiss and savored the tingly feeling on her lips, his name on her tongue. He moved his hands from her back to hold her face, fingers nudging strands of damp hair out of her eyes. “Cassian, I want you so badly.”

“Tell me,” he requested, voice low, “tell me how you want me.” When she hesitated, unsure of what to say, he spoke again. “Or would you like me to choose?”

A shot of arousal went through Jyn’s body at the thought and she nodded her head. Cassian put his hands on her shoulders and gripped hard, leaning back down to kiss her. She had to stand on her tiptoes to reach him, so when he started walking her backward she broke the kiss again. Jyn was standing a few steps in front of the hallway entrance, so Cassian walked her back and steered her to the side, stopping when she felt her back against the wall. His lips were on her neck, her collarbones, teeth grazing the skin lightly. He got on his knees when he couldn’t bend lower and Jyn had to hold back a gasp when he kissed the front of her hipbone because it wasn’t in the shower, but she had just been thinking about this. And this time, it was real, not her fantasies late at night while she touched herself.

“Is this okay?” Cassian asked, looking up slightly, but his mouth still on her wet skin.

“Yes,” she said breathily.

It was more than okay.

She carded her fingers into his hair and he made a satisfied noise in this throat. Cassian was about to move further down when he stopped, nose adorably smooshed against her belly.

“Did you use my body wash?”

Jyn couldn’t help but laugh, tugging his hair so he would look at her. “Mine ran out,” she admitted with a shrug.

He didn’t pursue it further and instead ran a hand on the back of her thigh, bending her knee and lifting until she had that leg hooked over his shoulder, his hand gripping her ass to hold her in place. Jyn thought she might feel self-conscious to be spread open like this but instead she decided to show off. She wanted to tease Cassian.

Before he could put his mouth where they both really wanted, Jyn pushed his head back with one hand, and moved the other from twisting in his hair to cover herself.

“Nuh-uh, not so fast,” she said before spreading herself open and rubbing two fingers along her slit. Cassian said her name with what sounded almost like a whine. She saw the hand that wasn’t holding her moved down to rub at the front of his jeans and she felt herself getting weak, absolutely couldn’t believe that he was so turned on just from kissing and touching her.

Jyn dipped her fingers inside herself, and wow, Cassian clearly wasn’t the only one who was ridiculously turned on. Jyn herself was so wet it was almost embarrassing. She removed her fingers and put them in front of Cassian’s lips.

Can’t you see what you do to me? Taste it if you don’t believe me.

He took the hint and licked them clean, and if that’s how his tongue felt on her fingers then Jyn couldn’t wait to feel it on her cunt.

“May I?” he asked when she pulled her hand away, wiped the saliva on her thigh before putting the hand in his hair again.

“Of course.”

His sweet smile soon disappeared when he dove in eagerly. He sucked on her clit while he moved his hand back up to stretch her open with his fingers, preparing her. She didn’t tug, but gripped his hair harder to match her tightening lower muscles. He was so good at this, and Jyn regretted acting so smug just moments ago because he was turning her into quite a mess. His fingers could get deeper than hers did and she let out a moan at a spot he hit when he curled them inside of her. Her chest heaved and she brought the hand that she had offered to Cassian up to her mouth, fingers lightly touching her lips, and she could still smell herself. She wanted so badly to kiss him again, and that thought morphed into quick images of the two of them wrapped up together. Jyn was so eager to make him feel how she was feeling right now. She wanted to hear what noises he made and how his body would react if she put her hands and mouth on his hard cock, aching because of her.

Her orgasm hit her quickly, which wasn’t surprising as Jyn’s imagination and Cassian’s tongue were a winning combo. Cassian however, kept up his motions and lapped up her extra wetness as she shook and faltered in his hold. He set her unsteady leg back down and stood up to wrap his arms around her, kissing her on the head while she just clung to him, catching her breath.

“Um…” Jyn started, but she trailed off when she noticed all the slick (her slick) on his mouth. She reached her arm up and wiped his face with her forearm, gripping the back of his neck when he laughed.

“Sorry.”

“Oh my god, why are you apologizing?” she asked incredulously, “You just made me come crazy hard, idiot.” She kneed him, but he barely reacted, and Jyn caught him watching the way her breasts swayed with the motion. She cupped his chin to pull him down into a kiss to which he responded well, and he even exhaled deeply when she moved her lips to his neck and unconsciously tugged on his shirt.

“What do you want to do now?” Cassian asked quietly. Jyn smirked. She knew exactly what she wanted to do. She needed him to know how crazy he drove her, how good he had made her feel by returning the favor. She responded by wiggling out of his hold and walking through the kitchen, nodding her head in the direction she was going.

“But first, take off some bloody clothes,” she said before turning her back on him and walking into the living room.

Jyn approached the single couch in the room and yanked off the blanket laying on it, throwing it to the floor due to lack of options. She chucked two of the throw pillows on the armchair and moved the bigger pillow so it lay against one arm of the couch. It was finally up to Jyn’s comfort standards for fucking. Except for one thing.

She noticed crumbs on one of the cushions and remembered they were from the crisps she was eating earlier that day without a plate. Jyn bent over to wipe the crumbs onto the floor because who fucking cares when she felt Cassian’s hands grab her hips, fingers moving back to squeeze her ass, making Jyn stand ramrod straight immediately. This seemed to be his intention because he immediately pulled her against his finally naked body and turned her jaw to the side so they could kiss over her shoulder.

Jyn gasped into his mouth when she felt his erection rub against her. She pulled away from his lips to turn around because she had to feel him in her hand immediately. She looked between them, taking him in and swiped a hand between her legs before gripping him, giving him a few strokes and rubbing the tip with her thumb. The face Cassian made was exquisite and he ducked his head into her shoulder and breathed heavily into her neck, hands resting back on her hips. An image of cum all over her belly popped into Jyn’s head and made her clit twitch and she hadn’t pumped him for long when Cassian—her best friend who she finally had in her arms, who she wanted to turn into such a mess—swatted her hand away.

“We can do that another time. I’d rather fuck you now,” Cassian said, leaning back to look at her face. Jyn tried not to melt into the floor then and there because, wow, he just told her to her face that he wanted to fuck her, in those exact words. She’d been told that before, but it was Cassian this time.

“The sounds you were making were so sexy, though,” she whined at him, “I want you to come on me.”

Cassian closed his eyes for a moment and said something in Spanish that Jyn was ninety-nine percent sure was a curse. She imagined he was having the exact same internal reaction as she had just a moment ago.

“If you keep talking like that, this is going to end very soon,” he warned.

“Fair enough.” She reluctantly let go of him and motioned behind her. “Can we snog on the couch?”

Jyn was instantly on her back being kissed so tenderly, a sharp contrast from their earlier desperation. She still very much wanted him inside her (and he did too, judging by what she felt rubbing against her hip) but for the moment, just kissing on the couch was suitable. Cassian was so good at it too, his fingers ghosting her sides, lips soft and pliant, beard tickling her face to the point where she actually giggled.

Cassian pulled away and propped himself up on his elbows above her.

“Did Jyn Erso just giggle?”

Jyn met his stare.

“You see me laugh all the time, what are you talking about?”

He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.

“Yeah, but you don’t giggle. It’s cute,” Jyn turned her head, as if it would somehow hide her face getting flushed. “I wonder what I else I can do to get you to giggle…”

Jyn stopped his hands along her body with her own and met his eyes again.

“Please don’t tickle me, I can’t stand that,” when she saw him smirk she pulled at his hands again, “and I’m being completely serious, if you tickle me I will leave.” He blanched at her grave tone and she let his hands go and cupped his face. “I didn’t mean to freak you out, like let’s still have a good time, just please don’t tickle me,” she gave him a quick kiss to punctuate.

“Now I think I remember you telling me that one time,” Cassian said, trailing his hand along her belly absentmindedly, “Actually I do remember that because I hadn’t heard ‘tickle’ in English before and had to ask you what it meant.” Jyn didn’t remember, but that sounded like years ago, closer to when they first met. Who could have known they would end up here?

“Can you sit against the back?” she asked, more pleading than she meant to be, but she was done with snogging and ready to get going again. Cassian got off of her and sat against the back of the couch on the other cushion, spreading his knees and looking at her eagerly. Jyn crawled into his lap and straddled him, up on her knees while looking between their bodies and trying to figure out how to go about this. She got distracted, though, by his cock leaking pre-cum, still wet from the unfinished handjob she’d given earlier. She took him in her hand but didn’t move, just simply enjoyed the feeling of him. God, she couldn’t wait to get him inside her.

So distracted she was that she gasped when she felt Cassian cup one of her breasts, pinching the nipple hard while he busied himself kissing her neck. They were finally in a position where he could get to her breasts without awkwardly bending over and Jyn let go of him and wound her arms around his neck, hand running through his hair when he kissed down her chest, and took the other nipple in his mouth. She yelped when he bit down lightly, at the same time running his nail on the other breast.

“Okay?” he asked, pulling away briefly to look up at her with blown pupils.

“Yes, keep going,” she said breathily. He sucked on the reddening skin, which made such a dirty noise that Jyn almost felt embarrassed. She was dripping wet and she shifted her hips to the side until she landed on Cassian’s thigh. Her clit was so sensitive that she had to grind against something immediately, and she whimpered at the combined sensation against the two most sensitive parts of her body.

Cassian pulled his mouth away and moved both of his hands to her hips, stopping their frantic movement.

“Are you going to get off on my leg?” he asked, trying to sound sexy, but was also out of breath.

(He still sounded sexy, though.)

Jyn nodded, not sure where he was going with this.

“I want you to come on my dick. Can you do that for me?”

Jyn could very much do that for him.

She grasped him in her hand and lined him up to her before sinking down slowly. She didn’t miss how Cassian couldn’t take his eyes off the place where their bodies met, eagerly watching her body taking him in so easily, like he was meant to fit perfectly inside of her. He was all the way in and Jyn just took a moment to get used to the stretch and fullness. She squeezed around him and he groaned, eyes shutting, and Jyn took his face in her hands to force him to look up at her.

“Good?” she asked. He nodded, one hand stayed on her hips while the other rested on one of hers, fingers wrapping around her palm, and moving their joined hands so he could kiss her knuckles.

Jyn’s heart fluttered. He was being so dirty just moments ago and now he was sickeningly gentle. She pushed her emerging emotions to the back of her mind and instead tried to focus on the physical sensations of him.

All bets were off when she started moving, this time being content on taking the lead. She twisted her hips while grinding against his pubic bone, gripping his shoulders and barely even aware of the strained expression on her face and sweat beading down her back. Cassian gripped her ass and guided her as she rode him desperately, and he met her hips with his own short thrusts. He moved her damp hair to one side of her shoulder and buried his face into her neck on the opposite side, encouraging her with open-mouthed kisses, teeth occasionally grazing the sensitive skin.

Jyn knew that if she and Cassian ever fucked, it would be pretty great, but this was…emotional too. He met her eyes too much for it to be on accident and she would get so flustered again. The eye contact didn’t even feel uncomfortable, didn’t make her look away hurriedly or close her eyes. He was literally inside of her but her hand also covered his when it moved to dig into the skin of her hip, and for some reason that seemed so much more intimate. Jyn wanted to see the gorgeous brown eyes currently locked onto her parted lips while fucking but also when she woke up in the morning and went to bed at night. She hoped beyond all hope that he felt the same way too, but she figured if he didn’t, if he just wanted her warm body occasionally, he wouldn’t look at her like he was currently. Like she was precious.

She could feel her orgasm on its way and quickened her pace, grabbing Cassian’s face to kiss him sloppily. She ended up coming with her mouth open against his, moaning in a higher pitch than she was used to and falling forward into his steadying arms, her nose pressed against his temple, trying to catch her breath.

Before Jyn could register what was happening, Cassian had flipped her over, her back on the now-sweaty cushions, and drove into her, pushing her thighs against her for a deeper angle. Their skin slapped together loudly and his strained expression was so intense and gorgeous as he hovered over her, and she was so fucked out that all she could do was just to lay there with her legs wrapped around him, hoping her post-orgasm state was good enough for him to get off.

Just then an idea popped into her head, and she knew exactly what would be enough.

She took his face in both hands, met his eyes, and in a pleading voice moaned, “Please come in me, Cassian.”

He stifled a shout while he came, instead whispering her name almost to himself with his eyes clenched shut. Jyn held him as he was coming down from his orgasm, and she felt him twitch inside of her. She lazily grinned at him, feeling so proud of herself for having such an effect on him.

The two lay still for several moments, sweaty and sated, Jyn running her hand over Cassian’s back while he had his face against her neck and shoulder.

He eventually pulled out of her and she took the opportunity to slide off of the couch with the promise that she would be right back. Jyn balanced herself on shaky legs, insisting to Cassian that she could walk, before unsteadily leaving the room.

After a quick cleanup, Jyn set the used flannel that was damp with warm water on the counter beside the sink while she washed her hands. She dried off with a toothpaste-crusted hand towel when she regarded her reflection in the spotty mirror. She had no makeup on due to the shower, her face slightly blotchy, but more red than white. Her hair was mostly dry but still stringy and sticking up in places where Cassian had gripped it. Her nipples looked swollen, and the teeth marks on her breasts had turned into red streaks, the whole area tender from being bitten and pulled at. Was she always this much of a mess after sex? There’s no way Cassian found her attractive like this, right? She was starting to notice the ache between her legs and she looked at the flannel again, remembering the odd excitement that had filled her when she noticed his semen dripping out of her and had wiped it away along with her own wetness. She wanted so badly to be his. Jyn folded the flannel to cover the used side and took it with her when leaving the bathroom.

She stopped in the doorway of the living room to see Cassian looking very content, sprawled out entirely on the couch. He noticed her leaning against the frame and his expression somehow softened even more.

“Do you need this?” Jyn asked, holding up the flannel and shaking it a bit. Cassian stretched his arms and shook his head, settling back into the pillow. Jyn shrugged and threw it onto the coffee table as she walked in front of him to the couch.

“You’re taking up the entire couch. Where am I supposed to sit?”

Cassian answered by pulling her down on top of him, her bum landing right in front of his belly. Jyn couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her and she settled onto her side so Cassian could wrap around her, kissing her cheek. Jyn was silent for a minute, just savoring the feeling of his naked body without the urgency of arousal clouding her mind.

“So that happened,” she stated.

“Yes it did.”

She reached behind her and caught his hand. They intertwined their fingers and rested on her chest. Jyn couldn’t remember the last time she had been so relaxed. There wasn’t a thought in her mind that wasn’t about the man nestling against her. She felt like she was a teenager again and had the combined feelings of perpetual horniness, but also the girlish sentiment that would have caused her to doodle “Mrs. Jyn Andor” in a notebook.

Jyn wanted to say something but couldn’t think of what. Luckily, Cassian seemed content with silence and just buried his face in her hair.

“You smell good,” he murmured, lips on a spot behind her ear.

“I’m sure I smell gross and sweaty.”

“Your hair smells like shampoo at least,” he said before his tongue darted out against her earlobe.

Jyn squeezed his hand, “I like that but don’t bite my ear when I have earrings in.” Cassian closed his mouth quickly.

As their bodies had cooled off, Jyn realized that the parts of her that weren’t touching Cassian were chilly and she reached to the floor to grab the blanket that she so haphazardly threw off earlier and pulled it over them. Cassian’s feet were uncovered but he didn’t seem to mind, instead moving their hands again so they were outside the blanket.

“I still have to make dinner,” he finally said.

“No,” Jyn whined, kicking her small feet against his shins, “let’s just order pizza so we don’t have to move.”

“We still have to answer the door, so we would need to get dressed.”

Jyn grumbled. Neither of them made a move to actually get up, but Cassian spoke up again.

“How long were you planning that?” Jyn didn’t hear teasing in his voice and turned to face him, laying on her back so her neck wouldn’t twist awkwardly.

“You overestimate me if you thought there was a whole plan. I just figured if you really did want to see me naked then I shouldn’t make you wait any longer,” she let out a huff of air in way of a laugh, “I wasn’t entirely sure how you felt, though.”

It was Cassian’s turn to chuckle. “How could you not tell?” A finger absentmindedly drew circles on her shoulder. “Is my poker face really that good?”

Jyn kissed his jaw, enjoying the feeling of his beard against her lips.

“I guess I was distracted.”

Cassian kissed her lips as if he was unable to wait any longer, his brown eyes piercing right through her when he pulled away. Jyn wasn’t used to the eye contact, but just like during the sex, something made her eyes meet his and refuse to look away. He had just confessed that he had wanted her as badly as she wanted him, and it was more than she could ever have expected. So what if they had to get dressed and continue with their day now? They had so much more time to explore each other—to explore this new step in their relationship.

Jyn finally, and with great effort, rolled off the couch and stood up, stretching her arms above her head. She turned to Cassian who had propped himself up, eyes on her naked body, but not in the hungry way he had looked at her before, just admiring.

“You look so beautiful right now,” he said, so matter-of-factly it caught Jyn off guard. He didn’t have his hands all over her. He wasn’t trying to sweet talk her to get into her pants. He was simply telling her that because it was what he thought.

Jyn tried to think of a reply better than “thanks, you too” and ended up pulling Cassian off the couch by his hands and simply hugging him tightly, pressing her face into his chest.

“You’re so sweet,” she said, voice muffled. She felt one hand in her hair, the other resting at the small of her back. “And you’re incredibly handsome,” she added, looking up at him. She grinned, unable to stop herself from following with “and I’m getting sore because your dick felt so good.”

Cassian shook with laughter and looked away, his face flushed.

“Jyn, come on…”

“I think I just made you giggle this time.”

Cassian hugged Jyn tightly so he could lift her off of her feet, with a yelp from her, of course. He set her down again but still held her close.

“Sorry about that. How about you lay back down while I make dinner?”

Jyn pecked him on the lips.

“Sounds good, but I think I’ll lay in my bed. We might have to burn that couch.”

Chapter Text

After a few hours, Jyn was in such a daze that she wondered if that day’s events actually happened. It still didn’t quite feel real, and she hadn’t talked to Cassian since he reheated some leftover tortas for the two of them to quietly munch on while not saying anything to each other. Jyn had gone to bed that night with the feeling of Cassian inside and around her, skin burning as she remembered his touch, and got the most restful night of sleep she’d had in a long time. Seeing each other in the morning was always rushed so there wasn’t time to talk, but when she got home from work she immediately retreated to her room, realizing she actually had no idea what to say to him when he came home.

Were they supposed to talk about it? Did they have to lay down ground rules as roommates? Was she allowed to just kiss him whenever she wanted? Jyn stressed herself out with a million different possibilities, worst of all fearing that Cassian would regret it and pretend it never happened. Realistically, she knew the chances of that were nearly zero but it still ran through her head.

When she plopped onto the couch next to Cassian later, they ended up just telling each other about their days—normal conversation. Jyn felt the tension though, and she knew he did too. They watched TV while eating the pasta primavera that Jyn had thrown together with half a bag of frozen vegetables because it was her night to cook, and she made sure to keep her feet tucked under herself. They sat a respectable distance apart, and no hands wandered.

Wednesday, Jyn decided, was the day she would finally get off her ass and buy a pair of nice boots like she kept telling herself she needed to before it got too cold. She was still getting used to her new job’s paycheck, which wasn’t much, but was an amount she had only dreamt of while working minimum wage retail and food service as a teenager and then while at university. Because she had been on her own since she was sixteen, she was used to frugal living—eating canned fruits and vegetables, duct taping her shoes back together, fixing a shattered phone screen. She was now comfortable enough that she could spare sixty dollars on a pair of boots that were really more of a necessity now that the soles of her current ones were so worn that they hurt her feet. Sixty wasn’t even very expensive for shoes but it was the upper limit of what Jyn was willing to pay.

After picking out a sensible pair—dark brown, barely a heel, zippers on the sides—she wandered around in the women’s clothing section of the department store, looking for nothing in particular. Jyn soon found herself in the underwear section, remembering that she was due for another bra or two, but that could wait—bra shopping was a nightmare and she was already tired.

Her interest settled on a few matching sets of bras and panties that were displayed on the mannequins above her head. Nothing very sexy—she was at a department store, not Victoria’s Secret—but they gave her an idea about how to deal with her roommate. The pale pink pair stood out from the shocking white of the headless body it was covering, and Jyn reached for her size on the rack directly below.

The two roommates were at a stalemate until Jyn decided, yet again, to make the first move. She went with something more subtle than presenting Cassian with her naked body, but still direct. Cassian was at the kitchen island with his laptop when Jyn walked in and looked for something sweet to eat in the pantry, wearing warmer sweats than necessary seeing as the weather hadn’t quite gotten cold yet.

“Hey, Cassian?” she said, tearing the cardboard strip from a box of granola bars.

His response sounded like a “Yeah?” but it was muffled by his hand partially covering his mouth as he rested his chin, not looking up from his screen.

“Are we going to have sex again?” she took a bite, the granola loud as she chewed. At least she had his attention now.

When she turned back after putting the box away Cassian was looking up at her, staring blankly in that way that guys do when sex is being discussed. He was silent for a moment. “Did you want to?” he asked slowly.

Jyn nodded and added, “I was waiting for you to bring it up but you never did.”

“I was waiting for you to bring it up.” Jyn eyed him. “I mean you did start it,” he pointed out.

Jyn set her unfinished snack on the counter. “Are you working on something?”

“Nothing I can’t do another time,” Cassian answered, already closing his laptop and getting off the stool. She could tell even from across the room that his eyes were dark with fervor and she wondered why she had been stressing out the past few days because it was clear that he wanted her as badly as she wanted him.

Jyn tried to tamp down her smile when Cassian approached her, backing her up until she was against the counter, only then putting his hands on her waist. His kiss sent heat through her that reached her toes, and she had to relax her face—kissing while smiling didn’t really work.

She held his face in her hands when he broke away, eyes meeting hers and fingers pushing her jacket up slightly to feel the bare skin underneath.

“I’ve been thinking about you all week,” Cassian said before another kiss, “thinking about this.”

“That is such a relief,” Jyn sighed, “now I know I wasn’t shaving for nothing.”

Cassian laughed and pulled her flush against him, bending down for another deep kiss, broad hands moving up Jyn’s back with one arm wrapping around her shoulders, the other hand cradling the back of her head to keep her close and steady, as if she would even dream of pulling away. Jyn tried not to gasp awkwardly into his mouth when she felt her back bend, almost like he was dipping her slightly, holding her so close.

Shit, that’s charming.

However, they had other matters to attend to, so she broke off from him and leaned back into the counter, giving him a challenging smirk as she reached a hand up to unzip her jacket. Jyn revealed a pale pink balconette bra underneath and delighted in the way Cassian stared at her cleavage. She wanted him to take it off of her, but not before showing off the matching piece.

Cassian swallowed, eyes wide. “Anything else you want to show me?” Clearly he had caught on.

Jyn nodded and hooked her thumbs under the waistband of her sweatpants and bent over as she took them off, giving Cassian another good view of her breasts. She stood straight so he could admire the complementing underwear, mostly mesh, with a small strip of solid fabric that covered her cleft. She kicked the pants away when they were puddled at her feet and leaned back with her elbows on the counter, unable to help the heat that lanced through her body and flushed her face. She had Cassian all to herself right now.

He didn’t hesitate to step forward and bury his face in her neck, clutching her hair in one hand while he peppered kisses down her throat. The other hand wasted no time reaching around and grabbing her ass, but he pulled away to look her in the eye when he felt what was there.

“Jyn, are you wearing a thong?”

She bit her lip, grinning, “Well, yeah.”

“Not fair,” he mumbled, and went right back to sucking on her collarbone. Jyn could feel him hard in his pants and Cassian let out a gasp when she tried to grind against him. He must have felt impatient too because when she quickly undid his pants and cupped him through his underwear, he took that hand in his own and led her out of the kitchen.

After work the next day, Jyn picked the bra and underwear off of Cassian’s floor to throw in her pile of laundry. Not that the thong had great coverage in the first place but it was soaked through. That tended to happen to Jyn’s panties when she was around Cassian.

So. This was happening. Jyn was now having pretty regular sex with her roommate. Jyn Erso was having sex with Cassian Andor, the same man who she’d been into for years. Not only that, but Cassian Andor was exactly as willing and enthusiastic about this new arrangement as she was.

Wow.

Jyn still couldn’t believe this was her life.

After her mild striptease in the kitchen there was a honeymoon phase where they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Even when they weren’t together—when Jyn was having a slow day at work—her mind would go back to Cassian, thinking about his sweet smile and soft kiss, his gorgeous brown eyes, the way he’d whisper her name while straining to catch his breath. Sometimes she would text him during her lunch break, maybe with a cohabitation-related request, but often just a little anecdote from work or simply an inquiry as to how his day was going.

She wondered if he thought about her when he was bored, too.

Jyn also quickly learned that the best part of sleeping with her roommate was that unlike with boyfriends that she had had before, they never had to coordinate to meet up. If they weren’t at work they were both likely at the apartment and well, whatever happened, happened.

And boy, would things happen. Often and unexpectedly. Like the time where Jyn was sitting at the kitchen island tapping away at her laptop and Cassian passed behind her, quickly swooping down to kiss her on the cheek. Before he could leave her personal space, Jyn had dragged him back down for a proper kiss, and somehow it ended with her pants thrown on the floor and her blouse open and bra pulled down as she was bent over the nearby counter, Cassian thrusting into her from behind. She came before he did and he nearly slipped on his jeans when she yanked them all the way down to put her mouth around him. His fist smacked the countertop and she delighted in the way his voice wavered when he begged her to let him come.

Straight away Jyn had told Cassian about her shower fantasy and politely asked if they could try it out at some point. A few days later they had taken a walk together in the evening and despite it being well into September, the air was humid and there were no clouds to cover the hot sun as it beat down on them. Jyn had been inside most of the day and made the mistake of wearing jeans so once back at the relative coolness of their apartment, both were quite sweaty.

“Bloody climate change,” Jyn muttered as she poured herself a glass of water from the pitcher in the fridge, pausing to down the entire thing, “I need a shower.”

She caught Cassian’s eye and he was making that smile that narrowed his cheeks and twisted his mouth, like he was sharing a joke with himself.

“Can I join you?”

She wordlessly set the glass down and walked past him, lightly grabbing his arm in an attempt to drag him to the bathroom with her.

It was not exactly the mind-meltingly sexy affair Jyn had pictured, mostly because they never got around to the actual sex due to technical difficulties. The first part was fun, scratching her shampoo-covered fingers over his scalp, his hands soaping up her body and caressing her gently, purposely avoiding her breasts, teasing. Jyn was surprised at how much she liked him doing that for her, making her feel clean and cared for, but that was verging into emotional territory she didn’t want to go to yet. When Cassian pressed a kiss on her cheek after he ran his fingers through her hair, collecting the last bit of conditioner, Jyn’s body went warm in a way that had nothing to do with the water temperature.

The second part was…awkward. They weren’t sure who the shower spray should hit when he was kneeling in front of her and ended up aiming it at their legs to pool around their feet. Jyn got cold quickly and had to take her hands out of Cassian’s hair to wrap around herself. He then tried to lift up her leg and set her foot on the edge of the tub for easier access and her foot slid on the shower curtain, making her almost fall on top of him. When saved by his quick reflexes, she landed with her crotch in the crook of his elbow and they both shook with laughter until they agreed that the mood was ruined and turned the water off.

“God, I’m sorry,” she laughed once she’d settle down a bit, bending over to a run a towel through her hair, “I think if we did that again one of us might die.”

Cassian didn’t say anything, just watched her until she moved the towel from her hair to dry her body, but when she started to hang it back on a rack, he took it from her and dropped it to join his own towel on the mat. He tugged on her hand while he opened the door and walked with such purpose down the hall and into his room, pulling her along.

While her skin was still soaked, Cassian hastily threw the covers aside and pushed her onto the bed, getting on top of her and immediately poking at her wet cunt with his fingers, letting two slide in while Jyn took an enormous gulp of air and exhaled with a keen that sounded unrecognizable to her.

She lost the sensation of his fingers and glanced down to see that he was touching himself with his hand, wet from her, getting hard. Jyn moaned at the sight and spread her legs wider, pulled her knees apart and held them with her hands, opening up to him, inviting him in, begging him to fuck her.

His cock slipped inside of her and the sound of it against her wetness, their warm skin from the shower slapping together, and Cassian’s moans and grunts filled the room and her ears.

His hand dipped between them to rub at her clit almost painfully hard and Jyn couldn’t crane her neck to watch anymore, had to let her head fall back against the pillow while he overwhelmed her senses. She imagined the picture she must be presenting to him—her pale, naked body, open wide, shaking with shivers from pleasure and from the chill of the shower, both hands palming her breasts, her eyes closed, lips parted, and wet hair plastered on her face.

“You’re such a good girl,” he murmured. Jyn thought she misheard him for a second. Cassian hadn’t talked like this to her before—he was clearly testing the waters. His hand left her clit and gripped her hair, moving her bangs away and forcing her to open her eyes and look at him. “Aren’t you my good girl?” He clearly was demanding an answer, and Jyn nodded furiously, not one to keep him waiting. Her whole body tingled, and she knew she could get used to this, used to being his. She liked possessiveness as long as it stayed in the bedroom.

Sweat was beading on his hairline and his neck was chorded with strain. A particularly firm thrust sent Jyn over the edge, and she could feel Cassian try with all his might not to come as she writhed and clenched around him. His thrusts got sloppy and he weakly dropped his head onto her shoulder, his hot breath tickling her neck while she was still recovering. He followed her shortly after, spilling into her while she kissed his shoulder and neck, her own lips feeling chapped and her throat dry, even when every other part of her was so wet.

Cassian was lying next to her, catching his breath when Jyn nudged his shoulder with her own, still on her back.

“What, um…brought that on?”

He regarded her and shrugged, but his voice was still breathy when he answered, “We did one of your fantasies, then we did one of mine.”

Her brows knit together.

“Wait, just that? I mean don’t get me wrong it was…wow, it was really good but fucking missionary on your bed isn’t exactly…wild.” Jyn felt her face flush even though they were both naked and should be well past the point of embarrassment.

He laughed and rolled onto his side, resting a hand slightly beneath her breasts. “It was more about the, uh, intensity rather than the location. Also, I said ‘one of’, because it is just one. I have a lot.”

That piqued Jyn’s interest. She quickly rolled on top of him and kissed him deeply while his hands skimmed her sides.

“Tell me,” she said against his lips.

“When you tell me yours,” he replied softly, catching her lips again, making her heart beat faster.

“So you really haven’t done it before?”

“No, why would I?”

This was not one of her fantasies.

“I hear sometimes orgasms can really help.”

“No, it’s just gross. How does it even work anyway? Blood is pretty much the opposite of lube,” Jyn huffed while curled up on the couch, hugging a pillow. She had woken up that morning with her period along with some terrible cramps that had pained her throughout the work day, so when she got home, she changed into her biggest, baggiest sweatshirt and planted herself on the couch. When Cassian had tried to cuddle with her, it was just a breaking point of frustration. Jyn was much too bloated and achy to feel the least bit sexy. Cassian now sat at a safe distance on the other side of the couch, but kept his hand on her leg, comforting.

“It actually makes everything a lot wetter.”

Jyn shook her head, trying to burrow further into her hoodie, “I don’t think I could get turned on right now if I tried.”

Cassian rubbed her leg soothingly, “I get it. Do you want me to leave you alone?”

Jyn nodded but stuck her hand out towards him, gripping her phone, “Can you plug my phone in the kitchen? It’s almost dead.” He stood up and took her phone, their fingers brushing, his hands cold compared to her clammy ones, and a moment of brilliance hit her immediately.

She gripped his hand.

“How about just blowjobs for the next few days? And snogging.”

Cassian looked pleased with that.

Jyn was kneeling in front of the couch and ignored the hardwood floor against her bare knees, instead focusing on Cassian in front of her. His hands gripped her hair tighter and he swore when she took all of him in her mouth, nose pressing against coarse hair as she relaxed her throat. Cassian had attempted dirty talk earlier but at this point was so out of it that all he could really do was say Jyn’s name along with some words of encouragement.

“Fuck, Jyn, that’s…shit, that’s good.”

She loved when he got like this, with his eyes closed, head against the back of the couch. One of his hands moved from her hair to rest on her cheek, feeling how it hollowed around him.

It wasn’t long before he came in her mouth, and she pulled off him, falling back onto her heels, but Cassian caught her and pulled her onto his lap to kiss, and Jyn was grateful for the help while she waited for the feeling to come back to her thighs. His hand travelled up her sweatshirt and palmed her breast, uncovered by a bra, which caused Jyn to hiss and break off.

“What is it?”

“I said no touching me!”

“You didn’t specify where.”

“Well my tits ache, so I’d rather you not grab them.”

“Sorry,” Cassian said, and moved to kiss her neck, “It just feels weird for you to do all the work.”

“If you want to do something then get me some chocolate,” she took his face in her hands and caught his lips again.

“We don’t have any,” Cassian said before another kiss.

“Normally I would say get some from down the street but I don’t want you to move right now,” Jyn pushed him onto his back and ran her lips across his jaw.

Only when she stopped to think about it did Jyn notice that her cramps were long gone.

Chapter Text

“I’m going to run some errands, okay?”           

Jyn barely glanced up from her laptop, chin firmly planted in her left hand. She made a rough sound of affirmation so Cassian took that as a response. He tore off the page from the magnetic notepad on their fridge that had a hastily scribbled shopping list and waved it in her direction.

“Last chance to add something. I don’t want a repeat of last time when you got mad at me for buying the wrong food.”

“I’ve definitely explained what I mean when I say ‘biscuits’ before,” Jyn muttered.

“I had to learn an entire language before I moved here, so surely you can learn some American terms,” Cassian said on his way out.

Half an hour later he was at the bank to get a money order and two rolls of quarters each for himself and Jyn because the apartment’s basement laundry room was old and shitty. It was the quickest transaction ever but there were four people in front of him and Cassian was shifting his weight on each foot when he felt his phone buzz.

It was Jyn, and included a picture he couldn’t really make out from the preview on the lock screen. She had probably just remembered something she needed.

He opened the picture and immediately looked over his shoulder, making sure no one was behind him in line.

It wasn’t technically a nude but it was…suggestive. Jyn was at the bathroom mirror, hair down and fluffed out on her shoulders, she held her phone with both hands, her arms pressed against her chest and covering her nipples, but pushing her breasts down to show their shape. Her expression was nonchalant, eyes on her phone rather than the mirror, and he could barely make out the top of the low-cut purple underwear she had on, the rest of it below the mirror. I’m home alone, she followed up with.

I’m aware of that. We don’t live with anyone else.

I just miss you. You’ve been gone so long.

I really haven’t. Cassian looked up from his phone when he noticed that a pair of feet were no longer in his field of vision. He stepped forward in the line.

It’s boring here without you tho.

The lady talking to the teller started to raise her voice so Cassian prepared to be in his spot for a while. Do you really think I’m just going to get out of line to go home and have sex.

Jyn’s response was immediate. Ummm yeah. That one time you were at the bodega on the corner i told you i wasn’t wearing underwear and you actually ran back here. You were out of breath.

He smiled slightly at the memory. He had found her in her room and begun to kiss up her leg when he’d pulled Jyn’s dress up and rested his head on her belly while he caught his breath. She had just ruffled his hair and laughed. That’s not fair, I was leaving anyway. Also pls don’t sext me while I’m in public.

Aww really. He could picture her fake pout.

Fuck no, keep doing it.

Cassian’s phone buzzed again while grocery shopping and he switched the basket to his left hand to reach into his pocket, this time having the foresight to press his back against the many bags of coffee grounds before opening it, which was good because this picture would have made him stumble backwards—any brain function as useless as the ability to stand up was completely gone.

Jyn was not fucking around, clearly, because this picture left nothing to the imagination and involved her wearing his goddamn clothes.

The nerve of this woman.

She stood in front of the full-length mirror hung on the inside of her bedroom door and looked at her phone, eyes hooded and her front teeth biting her full lower lip. She was wearing only his brown hoodie, and of course it was completely unzipped and wide open, showcasing her white breasts, free of the slight summer tan that covered her body, and her pink puckered nipples. Said hoodie ran big on his much taller frame so on her it pooled to the middle of her thighs. Her free hand was shoved in one of the pockets and led his eye nearby to where the cleft of her labia was peeking from the trimmed hair between her legs. He thought of the wetness and smell to be found there, and wondered if she was touching herself right then.

Dammit, this was not the place to get a hard-on.

Jyn. Why are you like this.

Lol idk.

Why did you steal my sweatshirt. Cassian wondered if she liked the smell of him, liked being wrapped up in it.

Bc I was cold, she teased.

He had to strategically hold his basket in front of himself as his mind got carried away. If you really are cold put on some clothes or something.

That seems like an overreaction. Okay, the thought of Jyn sprawled out on her bed wearing nothing but his jacket was entirely too much for him to process while he looked for laundry detergent pods. Fuck it. They had some liquid detergent left right?

I’m actually coming home now is that what you want.

Yes!!!

Of course when he finally got into the apartment, unceremoniously dumping all the grocery bags on the island before speed walking down the hall to find her door slightly ajar, she was, as he had imagined, laying naked on her bed, hoodie riding up to show off her ass, and completely asleep.

Though annoyed, Cassian couldn’t help but be amused at how her that was. She liked sex but she also really liked sleep. Either sexting was a more exhausting activity than he thought, or she had been so impatient she’d masturbated and immediately fell asleep. Probably the latter. Cassian went back to the kitchen, now tense, to put away the groceries and think about more boner-killing chores to do.

When she woke up later and approached him in the living room, he immediately scooped her up and carried her to her room, where he let her know just how much he enjoyed those pictures and reprimanded her for being such a tease, which ended with him covering her mouth when she came to muffle a scream that he was sure otherwise the neighbors would have heard. She kissed him and wrapped her arms and legs around his slim body when he finally came so hard that he trembled, could feel it reach his toes.

Jyn lay on her belly, head pillowed on her arms and still cuddled in the sweatshirt that he asked her to keep on, while Cassian was on his side and ran his hand down the back of her thigh.

“Did you want the whole building to hear you or something,” he teased, face close to hers. Her bangs were stuck to her forehead with sweat.

She gave him that small, sexy smile that he just wanted to kiss off of her face. He didn’t, but it wouldn’t be the first time if he had. “Maybe I did. Orgasms like that deserve credit.”

Praise was always so uncomfortable, but Jyn assured him many times that she was being honest with him. Not just about sex but so many other things, like Jyn telling him she liked being around him, that he was a good friend, a good roommate. A small voice in the back of his brain told him that he wasn’t worth her time, wasn’t worth any of his friends’ time, and every day he learned to ignore it a little bit more.

She seemed to notice Cassian’s hesitation and put her hand on his face, which he covered with his own. “Hey, do you not want me to say that?”

He shook his head, moved to kiss her palm. “It’s okay, I know you like talking about it.” Her big green eyes looked back at him and he knew that all that was behind them was affection.

She kissed him lightly, and he sucked onto her lower lip. Her hand moved to the back of his neck to pull him closer, fingers tangling in the sweaty hair.

Cassian said Jyn’s name against her lips, by accident really, causing her to pull back a little and gaze at him again.

“Yeah?”

He paused. He wanted to say something like “you’re so important to me” or “you’re the best part of my day” but those both sounded silly and more profound than what he wanted to share with her, even if they were completely true.

“I just like saying your name—Jyn,” he settled on. It was sort of cheesy but she didn’t seem to mind, and her smile stayed on her face, her lips still slightly swollen from kissing.

“I like it when you say my name,” she said quietly, “Nobody else says it like that.”

“What, with my accent?”

She laughed. “No, I mean when you say it sounds…I don’t know. Warm. Kind,” she took a breath as if to add something, but closed her mouth a moment later. “Sorry, that sounds dumb,” she tacked on.

“No it doesn’t,” he insisted, hand smoothing across her cheek, “I’m glad you like it.”

The moment was a little too emotional and awkward and Cassian had to look away, burying his face in Jyn’s neck to kiss her shoulder. He didn’t want to leave the warmth and comfort of her bed but she had other plans when she untangled herself from him and sat up, shedding his sweatshirt.

Cassian propped himself up to watch her walk around the bedroom as she looked for some clothes to throw on. He loved seeing Jyn like this—sweaty and satisfied while casually naked, reveling in the fact that he was the one who left her like that. He admired her curves from afar as she bent forward to pull on a pair of panties, giving him a nice view of her ass. All he wanted to do was drag her back into bed and put his hands on every inch of her body while she squirmed and moaned his name. Cassian quickly pushed those thoughts away in an effort to not get hard again. Jyn was clearly done.

She tugged on a shirt and patterned leggings and stopped in the doorway to her room, turning back to him.

“I’ll get this out of the way right now,” she started, still smiling, “you’re not getting nudes every time you get us groceries. They’re for special occasions only.”

“What was the occasion today?” Cassian asked as he finally heaved himself off the bed and picked up his clothes.

“My hair looked good so I took some pictures and it escalated,” she fluffed up her hair that he had thoroughly run his hands through just minutes before. “You messed it up, though.”

Cassian just shrugged. He wasn’t sorry.

“Hey, babe,” Jyn greeted when walking into the room. Cassian gave her a confused look from his book and lowered it when she sat down on the other side of the couch and pulled his bare feet onto her lap, “What?”

“Are we calling each other that now?” he asked, uncertainly.

“I was just trying something out,” Jyn shrugged, “not feeling it?”

“Isn’t it just…I don’t know, too early for names like that?”

Jyn ran her fingers over the bones in one ankle, thinking of what else to try on him, secretly delighting in the embarrassed look on his face.

“Like ‘darling’?”

“Yes, exactly.”

“What about ‘honey’?

“That sounds old-fashioned, like ‘honey, I’m home’.” Jyn laughed at that.

“Mi querido,” she said more quietly, resting her head against the couch with a lazy smile on her face. Cassian just grimaced like he had for the other names.

“Okay…daddy,” she threw out before she could stop herself, and she tried not to burst into laughter at the way his eyebrows shot up.

“Jyn, is this your convoluted way of asking if I want to have sex right now?”

Jyn considered it. She hadn’t meant it to be, but it wasn’t a bad idea if she weren’t in the middle of cleaning her room at the moment.

“Also,” Cassian continued, “I’m five years older than you, so I don’t think that name really works.”

“Why would you say that?”

“I thought girls only said that when they’re with guys who are actually their dad’s age,” Cassian lifted up his book again but Jyn suspected it was more to hide his reddening face than to actually keep reading during their conversation.

“Not always,” Jyn pushed his feet away and stood up, walking to the end of the couch that Cassian was at and leaned down behind him, putting her hands on his shoulders and hovering her head right next to his, His cheek brushed hers when he turned his head slightly to her. “I think girls say it when they have a man who’s comforting, who takes care of them.”

“It’s still…weird.”

“Well that time we had sex after showering you called me ‘your good girl’”, she said matter-of-factly, “so you liked it then.” She felt the heat coming off of Cassian’s face as soon as she said it. She didn’t mind that he called her that at all, actually wanted to bring it up at some point.

She saved him any further embarrassment by kissing him on the cheek and standing up quickly, putting her hands on her hips.

“Anyway, I’m doing my laundry right now and the washer isn’t full yet. Do you have clothes you need done?”

Cassian blinked like he was startled, turned his head around to look at her.

“Uh, yeah. Everything in the hamper. Also you should add the dishcloths.”

“Already did. Thanks,” was all Jyn said as she left the room, smiling at Cassian’s face, which appeared to be a combination of confused and turned on.

Cassian couldn’t help but check the time on his phone again, and resorted to staring at the ceiling, vision adjusting to the dark. This was getting ridiculous. He was so tired but somehow just couldn’t fall asleep and he had an early start in the morning. It’s not like the room was too hot or anything, he was actually quite cozy wearing just his boxers with the comforter pulled up to his chin. He wasn’t hungry or even restless, just…not sleepy.

Not for the first time, he wished Jyn was in bed with him because he always found he slept better curled around her, breathing her in. Since they started having sex, the actual act of sleeping together hadn’t exactly been brought up, but he knew they couldn’t avoid it forever. If they had sex right before bed they would just sleep there for the night, but they still often went to their respective rooms to be alone. It was about comfort, about familiarity: two things that were still relatively new concepts to them.

Jyn had gone to bed before him and even if he couldn’t fall asleep, it wasn’t fair to just wake her up in the middle of the night because he wanted to cuddle. Even so, Cassian started thinking about the smell of her hair, how soft her skin was when he rested his hand on the back of her thigh, her even breathing against his collarbone, the press of her breasts against him…

Cassian closed his eyes and breathed deeply, feeling a pang of warmth in his core. He had a hand on his chest and it travelled down his body almost of its own accord until it dipped under the waistband of his boxers. He was getting hard and decided to just go along with it—maybe an orgasm was what he needed to truly relax and fall asleep.

Thinking about Jyn’s gorgeous body was effective on its own, but luckily she had supplied him with some pictures the other day and Cassian’s mouth went dry just at the thought. He unplugged his phone and took it eagerly from where it sat on a seldom-used desk beside the bed. He unlocked it and opened his and Jyn’s texts, clicking on the details to show the pictures they had sent each other and settled in.

Cassian slid his boxers to rest slightly above his knees before taking himself in his hand, starting with slow, lazy pumps, his eyes fixed on Jyn’s lips while he looked at her picture, not caring that the blue light was slightly stinging his eyes in the dark. He thought about her smaller hand wrapped around him, tongue swirling over the rounded head as she looked at him through dark lashes, almost shyly. He snorted. He was looking at the evidence that she was anything but shy, at least around him.

He imagined how she would look while on top of him just as she appeared in the picture: hair tied up but with loose strands in her face, wearing only his sweatshirt. Cassian could see her grinding down on his hard cock while she trailed both hands up her belly and gripped her breasts. He wanted to replace her hands with his, enjoying the softness and weight as well as the noise she made when he tugged on her nipples. He went back to a memory of her sliding his cock through her wet lips, teasing before she sank down on him and moaning his name, telling him how thick he was, how he filled her up. She was always so warm and tight and ready for him, so wet that her panties were completely soaked when he took them off of her, like she was desperate to feel him inside of her.

His hand moved faster as his imagination ran away, he focused on Jyn’s thighs, showcased in the picture, thinking of their first time when he pressed them against her body as he fucked her and how they had both gasped at the new angle that made him go so deep he felt like he could feel her heart beating. That first time was already so good that he had spent the rest of the week thinking about how much better it could be when they had sex again, when they learned each other’s bodies better.

A quiet knock on the door startled him and he dropped his phone on his chest, other hand quickly moving off himself. The door opened, even though he hadn’t responded, and Jyn poked her head in.

“Cassian?” she whispered. She must have heard his heavy breathing because she then said, “sorry, did I wake you?”

Cassian turned to his side and craned his neck up at her, trying to even his breath, “No, I was up.” He winced at the unintentional double entendre. “Is everything okay?”

Jyn stood in the doorway, one hand still gripping the handle, and she moved back and forth on her feet, looking much like a child expecting to be scolded.

“I’m having trouble sleeping, and I wondered if I could…never mind. I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

“No, Jyn, it’s fine,” he assured her, “What is it?”

He couldn’t see her expression but she hesitated before continuing, “Can I sleep in here tonight?”

“Of course.” He doubted she could see his smile from across the dark room.

She still stood by the door, and it wasn’t until he audibly patted the space next to him that she entered the room. Cassian scooted to the side, using that motion to also discreetly pull his boxers back up. His erection was still there but, oh well. It would go away.

Jyn got under the covers and immediately spooned him, burying her face in his shoulder and throwing her arm over him, running a hand over his chest until he caught it and intertwined their fingers.

“Why were you up?” she whispered against his neck, “can’t sleep either?”

Cassian squeezed her hand, “No, not really.” He turned to lay on his back so his other hand could stroke her hair, slightly damp from the shower she took before bed. Jyn used the opportunity to cuddle closer, and before he could do anything about it, she threw her leg over his hips, her thigh accidentally coming into contact with the bulge in his boxers.

Jyn lifted her head to look at him, even though there was no way she could see his face clearly. Instead of pulling away from him, though, she rubbed her thigh against him, testing.

“So,” Jyn started, “either I’m so devastatingly sexy that you immediately got hard when I got in bed, or,” she reached down and palmed him through the fabric, “you were masturbating before I got here.”

Cassian tried not to groan at the feeling of her hand. “Um, that one. But you’re also incredibly sexy.”

Jyn’s lips found his while Cassian’s hand moved from her hair to cup her cheek, opening his mouth when her tongue prodded. She swung her leg off his body and dipped her hand into his boxers to pull out his cock. She didn’t mess around with any preamble, instead twisting her hand with fast pumps. Cassian broke the kiss to gasp and shudder while Jyn chuckled, and moved a little lower, resting her cheek on his chest. She took her hand off him briefly to throw back the covers and pull his shorts down, then went straight back to her motions while he held onto her arm, as if that somehow was guiding her. She didn’t need it: she knew what he liked.

Her breasts were pressed into his side and with his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could make out the outline of her cleavage peeking out of the tank top she wore to bed. Cassian took his hand off of her arm and pulled at the low neckline until her breasts fell out and he rolled a nipple between his fingers until she squeaked, just like he’d fantasized earlier.

He was getting close and Jyn must have been able to tell because she purred, “Are you going to come on my hand?”

Cassian nodded, though not knowing if she expected an answer, and she moved her other arm pressed against him to hover over the head of his cock. She squeezed him almost painfully as he came, her other hand catching any semen that didn’t land on her fist. He thrust his hips up, riding it out and Jyn only moved away from him when he tapped on her hand, his cock too sensitive for her to touch. She rolled on her back and licked the cum off of her hands, making more slurping sounds than was really necessary while Cassian watched her, briefly wondering if she did that for his benefit or if she just didn’t want to get out of bed to clean up. She faced him and wiped her hands, now just wet with saliva, on the sheets and leaned in for a punctuating kiss where he could feel her smiling.

“You should come on my tits next time,” she said casually when she pulled away, and he watched her pull her tank top back up to cover her breasts, hard nipples poking the thin fabric.

Cassian took a moment to figure out what to say while his brain short-circuited.

“Jyn, can you save dirty talk for during the actual sex?”

She shrugged but yelped when his hands were on her immediately, one large hand moving under the fabric of her underwear stretched across her ass as he grasped the muscle there, kissing her roughly to cut off whatever she was about to say.

Jyn pulled away from his mouth and lightly pushed on his chest, “Er, actually, if you were about to go farther with that, I already…er…did that.”

Cassian took his hand off her backside and rested on the small of her back. “What?”

“Well, I couldn’t sleep, so I tried masturbating. Didn’t help.”

Cassian laughed, “That’s what I was doing too. I was on my phone looking at those pictures you sent me when I was shopping,” he admitted. Jyn huffed out a breath of laughter and covered her face with her hand.

“Thanks for that mental image,” she said in a quick breath. She took her hand off her face and put her hand on his cheek, bringing their faces close. “Want to know what I was thinking about?”

Cassian shook his head and scooted away, “If you tell me, we will be up all night, and I have to get up early.”

“Fair,” Jyn said, taking her hands off of him.

They lay a respectful distance from each other, but a few minutes later, he felt her hand nudging his. He took it, glad to have even a little bit of contact.

Chapter Text

Jyn had been on her hands and knees before with men—that wasn’t the issue. What made her slightly nervous and excited was that this was not only the first time that she was exposing herself like this to Cassian, but also the first time she had ever gotten oral from this angle. After he had pulled all of her clothes off of her, he had asked her to get on her hands and knees. She had been waiting for this, and was eager to finally try, already soaking from the kisses he had pressed lovingly into her neck and his hand skimming over the spots on her body that made her shiver, almost shaking in anticipation when she felt Cassian’s fingers spread her open and slide along her folds. Jyn couldn’t stop the yelp of surprise she had let out when she had felt his tongue on her, the lower half of his face pressed against that area.

He had jumped back immediately, hands completely off her asking if she was all right and Jyn couldn’t help but fall onto the bed and shake with laughter, both about her overreaction and the stricken look on his face when she had turned around. Cassian had joined her once he realized that he hadn’t hurt her in any way, propping himself up at her side and put his hand on her shoulder, running it down her arm.

“What was that about?” he had asked once she had stopped laughing, but her cheeks were sore from grinning. She rested her hand over his own on her arm to stop it and tangle their fingers.

“It just surprised me. I haven’t done that before.”

Cassian furrowed his brow, “Done what? I’ve gone down on you so many times.”

“Not on my hands and knees. No one has done it from that angle before.”

“Have you had sex that way?”

Jyn nodded, “Yeah, a lot. A boy I dated in college only ever wanted to do it from behind,” she grimaced. “Now that I think about that, that’s kind of weird.”

Cassian snorted at that, then sat back on his heels. Jyn saw from his boxers that her minor freak-out had killed the mood for him. “Do you want to try again?”

Jyn nodded and got onto her hands and knees again, crawling briefly to kiss him where he sat, bringing her hands up to hold his face. Cassian ran his hands through her hair and undid her loose bun all the way, passing the elastic to her when he put his hand over hers to take them off of him. He asked her to turn around in that low voice that always got her going, and she did eagerly.

This time she was ready and let out a gasp when his hands were on her ass and travelled lower to spread her open, she leaned back even further to help. Her whole face flushed at the thought of how she must look to Cassian, on her knees and exposed, her clit swollen and folds shimmering with arousal. Jyn almost whimpered when his tongue quickly licked a stripe from her clit to just where her vulva ended, tasting her, testing her wetness.

“You taste amazing,” Cassian said, pulling away from her for a moment to ease two fingers inside of her. Jyn immediately clenched around them, trying to pull him in further. The fingers were replaced with his tongue slipping inside of her while his wet hand rubbed her clit in frenzied strokes. Jyn wanted to reach back and grab his hair, get his whole face covered in her slick, but she needed to keep her balance, she was so close to shoving her face into her pillow as it was.

Cassian moved away from her and Jyn glanced over her shoulder to see what he was doing, but was immediately back on board when she saw him slip off his underwear. He met her eyes as he touched himself but she couldn’t keep the contact when he slid his cock along her folds, getting himself wet. God, he was so hard already, and she was ready for him.

He entered her slowly, giving her time to adjust to the deep angle. She couldn’t help but gasp his name and look over her shoulder again, but he didn’t look at her, was instead focused on where their bodies met. Part of her liked the thrill of not seeing what Cassian was doing, but a pang of arousal hit when she imagined what it would look to see him fuck her from behind. She cursed herself for getting a mirror for the door rather than one to stand on the floor so she could move it around.

He started with a few slow thrusts, and Jyn had to close her eyes and just focus on the heady sensation of his cock moving inside her, stretching her out. When he got fast, Jyn shifted her body weight to one arm, put her fingers in her mouth, then reached between her legs to rub at her clit, stopping for a moment to travel her hand lower, feeling Cassian at the entrance of her body, hot and wet, easing in and out of the place where he fit so well.

“Jyn? Fuck,” she heard him notice her hand, then he reached over the front of her thigh and dipped between her legs to cover her fingers with his own as she showed him a way to rub her. He took over the motions and leaned forward to reach between her legs easier, Jyn instinctively settling her knees further apart on the sheets.

She couldn’t help herself and bent her head to look down her body, past her awkwardly hanging breasts to see Cassian’s hand on her. Her head snapped back up when she felt a tug on her hair, and soon Cassian’s hot breathe was on her neck, his body curled over hers.

“You like that? You like seeing me touch you?”

Jyn bit her lip and nodded. Hair pulling was on the table now. She had admitted to Cassian that she was more on the submissive side, and clearly he had no problem with that.

He pressed a kiss to her shoulder and straightened back up to quicken his thrusts until they were frantic, pushing in hard this time, and Jyn had to consciously keep her knees in place so she didn’t move forward on the bed. With Cassian inside of her, clit throbbing at his touch, Jyn closed her eyes and imagined a different view of Cassian pounding her, one where she could see his face and the way his neck chorded and the muscles in his arm strained, he took her over the edge, and she cried out as he stilled inside of her, whether to not overwhelm her or to savor the feeling of her tight around him, she didn’t know, but when she came down he pulled out of her and stroked her back as she bent her knees and settled onto the bed.

When Jyn caught her breathe, she turned onto her back to see Cassian sitting next to her, still erect, face sweating, and his chest moving with hard breaths. He looked delicious and Jyn wanted him so badly all over again that the fire in her belly reignited. Their eyes met and his hungry gaze was almost too much for her to handle. She was a fucked-out mess and he still wanted her.

Without thinking, Jyn surged up from her back and kissed him so hard their teeth knocked together, lips bruised, but if it bothered him, he certainly didn’t show it. She climbed into his lap without breaking their frenzied and passionate kiss, she ran her hands through his hair and held onto his face while she rutted against him, his cock rubbing her thigh. She wanted to be so good for him.

“Can you come on me?” she blurted out after Cassian moved from her mouth to kiss the spot behind her ear.

He pulled away to look her in the eye, gripping her shoulders, “What?”

“Do you want to come on me? I want you to,” she repeated, taking his cock in her hand.

He groaned when she squeezed him and nodded. Jyn let go and turned around on her knees to crawl off of the bed, hoping she was giving Cassian a good view of her ass. She gestured for him to follow her, and he stayed kneeling at the side of the bed while she sank to her knees in front of him, eyes riveted on his thick cock. She wanted him to pull at her hair and fuck her face.

Her lips slid over the head as she gripped his base, putting the other hand on his thigh to keep her balance. He didn’t touch her at first, but it was only a matter of time before she felt one hand grip at her hair as she took him all the way in her mouth, the hand on his cock moving upwards to run over his abdomen where he was sensitive, the hair below his navel tickling her fingers. She swallowed around him and delighted in the desperate groan Cassian made above her, his grip on her shoulder tightening.

“I don’t know if I can last long,” he breathed out, “you coming around me…fuck. That was almost too much. You’re so fucking sexy, I can’t stand it.”

She didn’t know how he got through that, but she would make this worth it. Jyn could still taste herself on him and squeezed her thighs together, incredibly turned on by the slightly dirty feeling she always had about this act: being naked, hearing Cassian tell her how sexy she was, how good her mouth felt, swallowing cum…only this time she was doing something much more lewd than that.

Jyn moved her lips back up his shaft and licked his slit, using her other hand again to pump him before taking all of him in her mouth again, repeating over and over. She sucked Cassian until he gasped and thrust his hips forward, not caring about the sloppy noises she made or the mess of saliva that dripped onto her fingers. Wetter is better anyway. She pulled off and looked up at Cassian, her hand never slowing, to see him trying to hold himself together, head bent forward and eyes closed, his thigh muscles were clenched beneath her hand.

She jerked him faster and hoped her hand wouldn’t cramp before he came. Jyn said his name and Cassian opened his eyes which flicked between her hand, her red lips, and her breasts positioned right near his cock. He was right to say that he wasn’t going to last long, but Jyn didn’t care, just relishing the helpless look on his face as he came, hot spurts landing on her chest, marking her, while she pumped him for all he was worth with cum on her fist.

Cassian sat heavily back on his heels and Jyn stayed kneeling on the carpet while he took in her mussed and sweaty person, red-faced and perfectly content to have his semen paint her skin. She decided to tease him by running her thumb through a streak of cum that sat next to her nipple, pulling at her breast in the process. She maintained eye contact while she brought that thumb to her mouth and licked it, popping it into her mouth for emphasis.

Jyn looked away and stood up to retrieve a few tissues from the nearby desk, wiping up the mess Cassian had made on her before throwing them in the trash. She was facing away from the bed when she was suddenly tugged off of her feet and felt her back hit the bed, realizing that Cassian was kissing her hard, his hands tangling in her hair while his tongue fought past her lips. Jyn stared with wide eyes as he pulled back and gripped at her mound, his expression filled with untethered desire.

“You’re so wet just from having my dick in your mouth,” he said, running a hand over her drenched cunt, “you love it don’t you?”

Jyn nodded. She couldn’t wait to see what he was going to do to her.

“That’s right,” he nipped at her lips, “you’re such a filthy girl, aren’t you?” he said against her mouth. Three fingers slipped inside of her and the stretch stung a bit, but it was nothing compared to how fucking good it felt when Cassian started pumping them in and out, face hovering over hers while kneeling beside her legs that she involuntarily squeezed together.

“Let go, Jyn,” he said after kissing across her jaw, “I can’t fuck you unless you’re wide open.”

Jyn whined when he took it upon himself to shove her legs apart, taking one in hand to hook around his knees. His fingers returned and his thumb rubbed at her clit and her head tilted back, giving Cassian the opportunity to kiss down the column of her neck.

“I can’t believe how much you loved my cum on you,” he whispered into her skin as he kissed down her chest, making his way to one of her round breasts, “I’ve never seen anything sexier than you licking my cum off your tits,” he took a hard nipple in his mouth and sucked, biting lightly for emphasis. Jyn’s skin was flushed red, so turned on and abashed by his dirty talk. He was handling her roughly, talking to her dirty—she fucking loved it.

“I love the way you taste,” she choked out, her shaking hand finding his dark hair while he continued exploring her breasts with his tongue.

Cassian pulled his mouth away and met her eyes. His hand that was previously pleasuring her shot up to grip her jaw tight, which made Jyn miss the feeling of his fingers in her so much that she nudged him with her leg, tapped his head with her hand. “I know you do,” he nearly growled into her ear, “you have such a filthy mouth, I love how you look on your knees with these pretty lips open wide, begging.” He ran a thumb over said lips and kissed her quickly before he released.

It was Jyn’s turn to be smug. “I love sucking your big, fat cock. You beg me.”

“Talking back now?” he asked with a small smile, “that’s not what my good girl does.” Any other time he probably would have teased her further but they were both too tired to really play this game. Jyn had suspected that he had paused fingering her because his hand hurt. It wasn’t uncommon. When his fingers were in her again, heel of his hand grinding her clit, Jyn was content to let her hips take over, meeting him with every thrust while she ran her foot up and down Cassian’s leg, her ankles rolling and toes clenching and unclenching.

She whined his name and he stopped sucking at her collarbone to lift his head to her ear again, this time biting at the lobe before nearly pushing her over the edge with his words.

“I love that I get to see you like this, under me while you moan my name…no one else gets this view.”

Jyn closed her eyes, focusing on the place their bodies touched, his chest over her arm, his arm on her belly, his lips on her neck. Each of those points felt like she was on fire when their sweaty skin rubbed together. The second orgasm always came easier and she writhed around when it hit while Cassian kept up the motions of his fingers through it, only moving away when Jyn squeezed her thighs together and lightly smacked his arm. She felt somewhat self-conscious when she noticed just how much of her arousal covered her inner thighs, enough to dampen the sheets below her.

Cassian shifted the arm that was propping him up so he could lay fully on the bed after wiping his hand on the sheets and settling it over Jyn’s ribs as if pulling her close, content to just touch her.

“And you say I have a filthy mouth,” she said after a few moments of silence.

Cassian flushed. “Was it over the top?”

“Not really. I liked it.” She figured everyone secretly had a pornographic side.

“It’s actually kind of hard to think of stuff to say. Like stuff that doesn’t sound weird,” Cassian told her before pressing a kiss to her shoulder, tracing patterns into her side.

Jyn chuckled. “This bloke I used to date called me a slut one time during sex and didn’t understand why I got mad at him.” Fucking Chris. So handsome, but a terrible listener.

“Why do we always tell our bad sex stories when we’re naked?” Cassian said, good-humored.

“It’s a pretty strong reminder is all,” Jyn shot back, “now get off me, I have to pee.”

Chapter Text

The cold air nipped at Jyn’s cheeks and she pulled her scarf over her mouth. She had been content eating off-brand corn flakes in bed at noon, still in her pajamas, but Cassian let himself into her room and convinced her that they were going to do something because it was Saturday, for God’s sake. They hadn’t been getting much exercise in the winter since the sun was already down by the time they got off work, but Cassian told her that he had consulted his weather app and that today would be cold but sunny. Jyn knew she would feel better after walking around even if now her body was screaming at her to stay put, so she pulled on a coat and told her roommate under no uncertain terms that she was getting a nice, warm latte while they were out. Twenty minutes later they were at a park, holding hands and walking with no particular destination in mind. Cassian asked her which way they should turn at a fork in the path, to which Jyn shrugged, and his grip on her hand tightened slightly as he led her to the left.

The path was oddly deserted. She didn’t know what this park’s attendance usually was but they had only passed a few couples holding hands and two single people with some dogs that both she and Cassian had been happy to pet. That might be why she almost missed a small child sitting on the stiff, brown grass a few feet from the sidewalk, leaning against the side of a bench. There were no other people around, and they hadn’t seen anyone who could be bereft of a child, so Jyn let go of Cassian’s hand and walked carefully to where the girl (judging by the length of her hair and the Elsa shirt) was curled up into herself. Jyn wasn’t the best at guessing but she looked three, maybe four years old.

“Hi,” she said with a soft smile on her face after she kneeled down in front of the girl, “Are you okay?”

The girl lifted her head and Jyn took in the dry tears on her face and runny nose, likely from both the cold and from crying. She also noticed she had her arms wrapped around herself and was shivering—she wasn’t wearing a coat or mittens. When she didn’t say anything, Jyn tried again.

“What’s your name? Are your parents nearby?”

The girl started talking slowly through chattering teeth, but Jyn couldn’t parse her words, not practiced at all to listening to toddlers speak. It hit Jyn a few seconds after that she couldn’t understand because the child was speaking Spanish.

She turned back around to see Cassian watching intently at a distance, probably because he didn’t want to crowd a scared kid, but Jyn waved him over, nonetheless, telling him her predicament. He then knelt in front of the girl while Jyn moved aside, but stayed close.

“Hola, nena, ¿estás perdida?”

She was more cooperative with Cassian, but still understandably shy, only nodding or shaking her head, or giving one word answers. Unable to watch the girl shiver any longer, Jyn cut in when Cassian was between questions.

“¿Frío?” she asked, using one of the few Spanish words she knew, while she took off her coat, slowly approaching her with it, giving her enough time to say no. When the girl didn’t protest, Jyn settled her coat on her tiny shoulders. The zipper would be useless, so instead Jyn wrapped the sleeves around the girl to keep the coat shut. “Learn anything?” she asked, turning to Cassian when the girl relaxed a bit.

“Her name is Esperanza, she’s three, and she’s here with her family but she ran away from them and can’t remember which way they are.”

“Why did you ask her how old she was?”

“I didn’t. Kids like telling you how old they are for some reason.”

Esperanza wasn’t wearing a hat either, so Jyn took off her own scarf and folded it, making it small enough to wrap over the girl’s head, covering up her bushy, dirty blonde hair—which was an interesting color considering her dark brown eyes and tan skin. She had stopped shivering and burrowed further into the coat. It was kind of adorable. Cassian tapped on her shoulder and asked something else, to which she gave a big nod in the way that children do.

“We’re taking her to find her parents,” he told Jyn before standing up. Jyn held her hand out to Esperanza to pull her onto her feet. When she was standing, she looked up at Jyn with wide eyes and tried to reach her arms up, but was impeded by Jyn’s coat.

“Levántame,” she said, bouncing slightly on her feet, tiny hands grasping at air.

“She wants you to pick her up,” Cassian explained.

“Yeah, I got that,” Jyn said while bending over to scoop the toddler up. Esperanza buried her face in Jyn’s shoulder and she couldn’t help but smile at the little girl. Jyn didn’t have much experience with children, but there was something that felt good about being deemed acceptable by a child. Cassian smiled at the sight of the two of them and nodded his head toward the opposite path they had come from. “What type of family are we looking for? A mum and a dad? Siblings?” Jyn asked Cassian.

“I guess if we hear anyone yelling for a kid in Spanish we’ll ask if she knows them,” he said, smiling. Jyn felt the little girl press her face into her neck and realized some of the snot had wiped off onto her shirt. She couldn’t bring herself to care.

The three of them walked down the new path, still barely passing anyone, and those they did pass didn’t look twice at them, obviously none of them were looking for a little girl. When the surrounding trees thinned and opened up to a clearing with a playground and picnic tables, Jyn and Cassian decided to go there to see if anyone was in the larger area. They felt hopeful when they saw a family with young kids on the swings in the distance, but upon closer examination realized that the family was Asian. Cassian nodded his head back to the path and they decided to try the next clearing—wherever that was.

“Maybe we should just stay in one place. Let them find us,” Jyn suggested.

Cassian shook his head, “Jyn, she’s tiny. She couldn’t have gotten far.”

Jyn felt more wetness on her neck and pulled back a bit to see Esperanza with her eyes closed, drooling slightly. “Er, she fell asleep. Or is at least very good at pretending.” A distant memory of pretending to be asleep after a late car ride so her father would carry her inside of the house flashed through Jyn’s mind. She immediately shoved it away.

Cassian looked back and chuckled. “You must be really comforting,” he then paused. “Have you been around kids much?”

Jyn snorted. “Not at all,” she answered, readjusting the tiny girl in her arms, now sighing deeply in sleep. “She’s so cute, though.”

Cassian looked at Esperanza, then back at Jyn with such softness that she felt her heart jump. “She is.”

Despite the cold, Jyn felt warmth from the heat of the girl’s small body. She couldn’t help but think that to anyone else, she and Cassian looked like a young couple taking a stroll through the park with their daughter. Jyn didn’t want to think too deeply about that, but wasn’t at all offended by that assumption. It was kind of nice, actually—not that she’d ever admit it to anyone. She hated the stereotype about women her age being baby-crazy, having a biological clock and all that. But damn, if this kid didn’t have the cutest eyelashes ever.

Luckily they didn’t have to walk much farther, and soon ran into a woman in a thick wool coat who was even shorter than Jyn holding the hand of a young boy. Cassian immediately walked up to her and spoke in Spanish before telling Jyn to wake up Esperanza. Jyn jostled the girl awake and pulled her scarf back to expose her hair again. The woman looked incredibly relieved when Jyn handed the toddler over, speaking to her child in a sweet tone before setting her down and scolding her, then taking off the large coat and handing it to Jyn. Cassian and the woman spoke again—she noticed him gesturing back at her too—and then she, surprisingly, pulled him into a tight hug, after which she turned and hugged Jyn.

“¿Qué dices?” the mother said to Esperanza, giving her a nudge while Jyn zipped up her coat, relieved to be protected from the chilly air.

The girl popped her thumb out of her mouth and said “gracias” while still looking at the ground. Jyn and Cassian smiled brightly and waved to her as her mother took the hands of both children and turned around on the path, going back from where she came.

Cassian ended up breaking the silence. “That went better than I expected.”

“I was afraid we were going to have to call someone,” Jyn said while stretching her arms then shaking them a bit. She hadn’t realized toddlers were so heavy. “Good thing I had you, though.”

“This is why I keep telling you to learn Spanish. We’re going to outnumber you in a few decades. Might as well get a head start.” Jyn just let out a small laugh.

“I think that’s our good deed for today. Let’s go get coffee,” Jyn suggested. Cassian agreed and leaned into her to quickly kiss her temple. Jyn smiled at him at the contact and held onto his hand where it rested over her shoulder as they started walking. Cassian looked behind them, and seeing no one else, kissed her cheek, then pressed his face into the side of her neck briefly before pulling away.

“Jyn, why is your neck all wet?”

She let out a laugh and squeezed his fingers. “Miss Esperanza was drooling all down my neck. Got my hair a bit damp too.”

Cassian wordlessly went to her other side and put that arm around her before kissing her opposite cheek.

“Much better.”

“Wait…wait, Jyn.”

“What is it?”

Cassian put his fingers over his lips and Jyn tried to quiet her panting.

“Do you hear that?” he asked, head turned toward the TV.

“Hear what? Is everything okay?” 

“You left the TV on.”

Jyn rolled her eyes and ran her hands over her roommate’s bare chest, annoyed by this interruption, “No, I didn’t, it’s black.”

Cassian shook his head, “No, the light on the button is blue. And it’s buzzing. You can’t hear that?”

“Not at all.”

He looked back at her and patted her thighs, which were currently on either side of his hips. “Well it’s stuck on the blu-ray setting, so where’s the remote?”

Jyn rocked her hips back and forth roughly, causing Cassian to gasp and lifted a handful of skirt bunched in his hand back up to look at where he was buried inside of her. “Are you really going to make me get off of you to turn the TV off?

Cassian sighed and let his head fall back against the pillow at the armrest of the couch. It was the couch they had first had sex on and they had made liberal use of it since. Jyn tightened around him and he involuntarily bucked up, but stilled her hips with his hands. “I’m sorry but if you could hear the buzzing you would know how annoying it is.”

Jyn made a face at him but raised herself on her knees until he slipped out of her, she stepped onto the floor and adjusted her dress to cover herself again. They hadn’t gotten completely naked, as also evident by Cassian’s sweatpants and underwear that were pulled down to his knees. While she retrieved the correct remote from the basket, Cassian used that brief time to get himself under control, closing his eyes and thinking about anything but Jyn’s tits threatening to slip out of that flowing dress. He wanted this to last longer, and that wasn’t going to happen if Jyn had kept grinding on his cock the way she just had been.

Jyn hit a button and the buzzing stopped. Cassian turned to see that the light on the TV was red.

“Did that do it?”

Cassian nodded and looked back at Jyn, who was still standing with her blue sundress on, but the back was unzipped. He had asked earlier why she was wearing a sundress in the winter to which she just told him that it was comfortable to wear around the house. He got his real answer when they had started making out on the couch not long ago and she nearly shoved his hand between her thighs. He couldn’t remember where he had thrown her panties after that.

Jyn surprised him by tugging his pants off of his legs all the way and leaving them bunched on the end of the couch. At his feet, she kneeled onto a cushion and crawled up his body until she reached his cock, still very hard, and didn’t hesitate to take it in her hand.

With the dress partly open, the thin straps slipped down her shoulders when she bent over and Cassian could see her breasts. Great as the view was, he shut his eyes tightly when Jyn suddenly put her mouth on him, making an obscene sucking noise on the head. He wondered if she could taste herself on him, and that thought spiked arousal through him, and he grew harder against her tongue, currently exploring the vein along his shaft. Cassian didn’t know if he liked the feeling of her mouth or her pussy more, but the sensation of both surrounding his cock within a few minutes was almost overwhelming.

He opened his eyes again to see Jyn on her belly, dress now pulled down and he could feel her bare nipples poking into his thighs. Swallowing thickly, Cassian wished he could touch her between the legs, hoping she would be wet and ready there too, so turned on from tasting him now and taking him inside of her earlier. Just then, she exhaled deeply from her nose and the warmth against the base of his cock made his toes curl, his muscles all over clenching.

 “Jyn,” he let out, strained, “I’m going to come if you don’t stop.” It seemed that’s what she wanted because Jyn glanced up at him before returning her focus, and when her lips touched his base and she swallowed around him, it was all he could do to not dig his fingers into her scalp. Instead, Cassian settled for tucking a loose piece of hair behind her ear before running his fingers through the silky strands while her head bobbed up and down as she grasped his shaft and tongued the head before taking him all the way in again, over and over. Christ, did she have an amazing mouth.

She was relentless even when he came, not pulling off or slowing down her rhythm, swallowing everything neatly and only taking her lips off of him when he started going soft and he bumped her shoulder. Jyn wiped her mouth with the back of her hand before meeting his eye and pulling the dress over her head, her undergarments long gone, leaving her delightfully bare.

“Jesus,” Cassian sighed, covering his eyes with his arm. He had just had an amazing orgasm and she wouldn’t even let him bask in it before getting him going again. He wasn’t prepared for the wetness that made contact with his thigh then, moving his arm just to see Jyn straddling his leg, rocking back and forth. Cassian was in awe of the way her body rolled while she had her hands in her hair, letting it out of the messy bun that she had made before going down on him. With her hair tangled and over her shoulders, breasts perked up with her arms raised, her hips undulating, she was such a sight, and Cassian couldn’t look away.

Before he could make any movements, Jyn pinned his arms at his side lightly against the soft couch. She scooted further up his thigh, continuing to mark him with her slick, until their hips met and bent over him, reaching up until her face was level with his, her brows knit together in concentration, pupils wide with arousal, but she quickly noticed that holding onto his arms was an uncomfortable stretch and she let go to straighten herself up.

“Shit,” she said, a small smile on her face. “I wanted to pin you down but I can’t balance like that.”

Cassian wordlessly connected his wrists above his head, looking eagerly at her when she caught on. She leaned over to kiss him and murmur a thanks against his lips before lightly cupping below his hands and hovering over him, her breasts hanging invitingly in front of his face. Jyn carefully lowered herself onto her elbows and pushed her chest forward, but Cassian didn’t need any encouragement to mouth at her nipples, to lick the soft and sensitive skin that he could reach in hopes to make the woman over him writhe and scream—maybe even get her off balance.

Sure, the position was a bit awkward, but Jyn was taking the lead, and she took a hand off of his wrists to hold onto his head while she guided her body according to where she wanted his mouth. He was dying to touch her, to wrap an arm around her to hold her still and use another hand to pluck at the hard nipple that he wasn’t currently laving. Between Jyn’s sexy moans and the sensation of her breasts pressing against his face, it was almost easy to forget the movement of their lower bodies, Jyn’s engorged clit and wiry hair grinding against his hip while he had thrown a leg around her and was rubbing against her hip, slowly growing hard again, even with such a short recovery time.

Cassian couldn’t help but notice the soapy scent on Jyn’s skin, along with the unidentifiable feminine smell that she always seemed to have, and it immediately reminded him of all those months ago when she stood in front of him, warm and naked from the shower, his face pressed to her belly, ready to go down on her until her legs gave out. When he lapped at a pink nipple, all he could taste was salty sweat, and it was perfect against his tongue. He briefly wondered how long this would last, if Jyn would let him come on her thigh and belly or if she would change positions soon.

He didn’t have to wait long to find his answer when Jyn let go of his wrists and hair and sat up, her lower half sliding a bit to settle on his abdomen, and the wetness there made him stifle a groan. Jyn looked down at him, mouth slightly parted, still red and swollen from the earlier blowjob, keeping eye contact while she reached behind her and ran her hand over his cock, checking if he was hard enough yet.

“Put your knees up.” Her tone wasn’t lazy nor was it demanding, but Cassian would never disobey her.

Jyn sat with her back against his legs and spread her knees as wide as they would go, tilting her pelvis up, and the sound Cassian made was unrecognizable to him as she gave him a good look at her dripping pussy. His hands still rested lightly over his head and Cassian decided it was safe to lightly run them over her thighs before resting them there. Lucky for both of them, the exhibitionism combined with her sitting against his cock would get him erect in no time.

“This is quite a view,” he said, which was an understatement because the view was downright pornographic. Jyn broke her sultry countenance by cracking a smile and goddamn did he love that toothy grin of hers.

“I’m sorry, is this weird?” she asked, trying not to giggle. Her eyes crinkled adorably and her nose scrunched, face and chest were already red but Cassian imagined she might have blushed even more.

“No, it’s not. You look beautiful.”

She shifted slightly at his words but schooled her face into a neutral expression and took her breasts in her hands, fingers pinching the nipples that he had already thoroughly tasted. Jyn was clearly already aroused and this seemed to be for his benefit—she was always happy to touch herself in front of him. She rolled her hips back and Cassian couldn’t bite back the sound he made when he felt her rear press against his cock. His core was on fire as he swelled against her and he needed to be inside of her so badly he could scream. His eyes darted between her spread labia and to where she was gently biting her bottom lip as she increased the friction, her body arching backwards beautifully.

“Jyn…please…” he breathed out as he dug his fingers into the top of her thighs. She finally gave in and nodded, but to her surprise instead of simply rising up and sliding down on him, she twisted around quickly, careful not to hit him in the face with her foot, took him in her hand, and guided him inside her while she faced away.

They hadn’t done this position before, not while he was lying down, but Cassian made the right move when he resisted the urge to let his head fall back immediately when he was inside her because the sight of her ass in front of him as she started riding his cock made his mouth water. He had also underestimated just how turned on she was because after a few bounces, Jyn’s strong legs shook around him, her pussy gripping him tight as she hunched forward and grinded her clit onto his balls while she keened and pressed her hands into the couch, grasping at the poor, sweat-soaked blanket that was still underneath them.

Cassian breathed heavily through his nose to get himself under control before sitting up and pulling Jyn’s still-quaking body against his chest, where he pressed sloppy kisses across her shoulder blades and ran his large hands over her thighs, up her belly, then covered the breasts that felt like they were made to fit in his palms. They both gasped at the angle change and Jyn turned her head back, lips searching for his, her nose bumping him somewhere on the top of his head.

To do a favor to his back, Cassian threw his leg off the side of the couch until his foot hit the coffee table, and he used that to push them around so he could lean against the back of the couch, Jyn falling with him and covering his hands with her own.

“Fuck, Cass…”

“That was quick,” he said against the vertebra on her neck before he caressed her breasts.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m going to ride you as hard as you want. How does that sound?” Cassian couldn’t help but be amused at how despite her lofty talk, she was catching her breath still. He understood the feeling.

He pressed kisses down her spine, speaking in each pause, “Honestly, Jyn, the way you had me suck at your nipples, when you showed me your pussy…” He punctuated by travelling his clever fingers down her body to pinch at her clit, nuzzling her skin when she gasped, “The way your ass looked when you were taking my cock…it’s not going to take long at all.”

Jyn whined and burrowed her hips further into him, causing Cassian to moan, his cock already incredibly sensitive inside of her. “Let’s go, then.”

Feeling every dip and ridge inside of Jyn was exhilarating, and he pistoned his body into her while she twisted down on his hips, eagerly taking every inch of him, their bodies meeting in a rhythm that could only be achieved after having done this so many times before. An unexpected giggle escaped from Jyn when Cassian bit her earlobe, and the sound filled him with such bliss and contentment that heat blossomed in his chest and he kissed down the side of her neck to the tops of her shoulder. She moved to lean forward like before, but Cassian could feel himself approaching the edge and pulled her close, luckily Jyn seemed to understand and held his hair while he pressed his face against her shoulder, wanting to drown in her scent, her comforting weight on him. He clutched her body, not caring about the marks he might leave as he thrust for all he was worth up into her supple body until he was spilling hot and hard inside of her. Jyn clenched so hard around him that Cassian’s vision turned white and all he could feel were her tight walls as she took his cum.

Cassian slumped against the couch, not letting go of Jyn’s body while she turned and ran a hand over his face, scratching his beard lightly, a small grin welcoming him back to post-orgasmic living. In return he carded his fingers into her hair and stretched up to kiss the side of her mouth. Jyn simply got off of him and sat back on his lap so she faced him, kissing him properly and thoroughly, sucking his bottom lip between hers, exploring his mouth with her tongue with so much enthusiasm that it got heated so quickly.

“Mph, Jyn,” he said, pulling away, “you’re needy today.”

“I’m needy? We were in the middle of shagging and you couldn’t stand the TV being on!”

“I’m not the one who wore a sundress solely because I wanted sex,” he pointed out.

Jyn rolled her eyes and settled into his lap, resting her head on his chest, arms around his neck. Cassian was more than willing to hold his roommate’s warm body against his, choosing to ignore the way his throat tightened when he felt her smile against his skin, and suddenly he was hyperaware of every spot where their bodies touched. He felt like if he looked into her eyes that he would burst into flames. It was ridiculous how far gone he was.

He wouldn’t dwell on that now, though. Instead just mumbled something about cleaning up and Jyn slowly extricated herself from him. Cassian stood up and saw Jyn flop down on the cushions out of the corner of his eye, her pale body stretching out languidly. He collected his pants and underwear from the end of the couch and threw her dress at her, which she took and shook out.

“Where are my knickers?” she asked, making no move to get up and put on her clothes.

Cassian shrugged and continued to leave the living room. He had just walked over the threshold of the kitchen when he stepped on something soft and cotton, which he quickly picked up and brought back to Jyn.

“Found them,” he said, tossing them at her. She stared at the grey and white-striped garment as if she thought she’d never see it again.

“You flung them all the way to the kitchen? Blimey…”

Chapter Text

Jyn grumbled as she picked the darts off the dusty bar floor—only one had hit the target, and nowhere near the middle. Cassian was declared the winner by mutual agreement and she set the handful of darts aside for another group of people who had been idling nearby.

“How are you so good at that?” Jyn asked as she picked up her drink: a rum and coke that at this point was mostly ice.

“I’m not, I’m just better than you,” Cassian answered.

“At least you can hit the target.”

“Because I’m taller than you, so the darts at least hit the bottom.”

It had been a while since Jyn and Cassian had been to this bar. They used to go a lot on weekends to find a hookup, but that had stopped since they had gotten together. After a stressful coding project that Jyn had worked on for weeks, including at home, it was finished on Friday and Cassian suggested they go out to celebrate. It was late notice so out of the group, only Shara and Kes had made it, and were working on their beers while witnessing the game of darts.

“I can’t remember, do they have food here?” Kes asked.

Shara groaned. “I ate at home and you said you weren’t hungry then.”

“Well, I wasn’t!”

“They do have food, I actually want to get something too,” Jyn hopped off of her stool, promising Kes she’d come back with a menu. While she leaned against the bar, waiting for another drink to be made, Shara slid up next to her, putting a hand on Jyn’s back to gently alert her. She waved down the bartender and ordered before turning back to Jyn.

“Has anyone caught your eye?”

“What?”

Shara shrugged. “I dunno. To chat up?”

“Um, I’m hanging out with you guys tonight,” Jyn said pointedly, like it was obvious. The bartender set her drink in front of her.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t take someone home. You’re the one celebrating anyway.”

Jyn ignored the small straw and took a big gulp of her replenished rum and coke. Normally she never held back with Shara, would tell her the best and worst of hookups, but she hadn’t said anything about Cassian to her. It was Cassian—not some bloke from a bar or a mutual classmate. One doesn’t just announce to their friend group that they’re sleeping with another person from said friend group. It’s not like they were dating. Nope. Not at all.

Jyn shrugged and did a onceover of the crowd to humor her friend. “I don’t know if I’m up for it tonight.”

“Well then keep hanging with us. But since you’ve stepped away from Cassian and Kes I noticed that that guy is eyeing you,” Shara gestured with a pint glass in her hand, “Tall, black guy, glasses, navy sweatshirt.”

Jyn looked over to a small table against the wall where sweatshirt guy was with a small group. He was pretty good-looking, but it didn’t matter. She turned back to Shara and scoffed, “Maybe he’s looking at you. Anyway, I’ve been gone too long and I promised I’d bring back a menu.”

As the night went on, more relaxed from the burger in her belly and the additional drink, Jyn felt looser, laughing more easily at Kes’s dry humor and Cassian’s latest story about a ridiculous client. Jyn excused herself to use the toilet and slid off the tall stool, but her fuzzy mind couldn’t place her feet correctly and she nearly fell, only stopped by Cassian wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her back up toward him.

It took her a minute to remember their company and that Cassian had used way more physical contact than was frankly needed to help her. Hopefully Shara and Kes hadn’t noticed or, probably more likely, didn’t care.

When she returned to the table, Shara, who had moved on to hard liquor, announced “Your boyfriend just left, by the way,” loud enough to be heard in the Friday night din of the bar.

Of all things, that made Jyn a tad more sober as she blinked at the other woman. “My what?” she asked, feeling her face get hot and trying not to dart her eyes at Cassian, who was probably having the same internal reaction as her.

“Hot glasses guy. You missed your chance!” she said in faux exasperation.

Jyn tried not to sigh in relief and ended up turning to Kes, who was looking back and forth from his girlfriend to Jyn, as in the dark as Cassian was.

“We were at the bar and Shara said I should talk to him,” Jyn said with a dismissive wave of her hand. The explanation was for Cassian but she felt like if she looked at him her face would burn up in embarrassment. She finished her drink in one go to avoid talking more.

The night wore on and Jyn had more drinks than she normally did on a night out but whatever, she earned it. It was the most fun out she’d had in a long time, even including the part where she accidentally stabbed Kes in the stomach with the end of a cue while playing the most haphazard game of pool she had in her life. She bought him a shot so all was forgiven.

The group decided to call it a night and Jyn and Shara shared a big hug before the latter got in her Uber with her boyfriend. Cassian watched the car drive away before pulling at Jyn’s hand to walk the few blocks back to the apartment.

“Why did I wear a bloody dress? My legs are freezing,” Jyn said through the scarf wrapped around the bottom of her face, bare legs unsteady from both the cold and her inebriation.

“If it’s any consolation, your legs look really nice,” Cassian said while putting an arm around her shoulder.

Finally in their space, Jyn leaned into the door as it opened and giggled as she stumbled inside. She kicked off her heels and made a beeline to the kitchen cabinets and pulled out a box of crackers.

“I want another drink but I feel like I’ll regret it,” Jyn said through crunches.

“Fuck it, me too,” was Cassian’s answer as he pulled some mixers out of the fridge. Jyn settled on merlot in a coffee mug because she didn’t trust herself with a wine glass this many drinks in. “C’mon, you’re not in college anymore,” Cassian said, noticing her choice of dishware.

“I’m twenty-three, I haven’t mentally left yet.” She took a sip then set her drink on the counter, excusing herself to change. She returned wearing leggings and a tank top and took her drink to the living room where Cassian was sitting on the couch with a glass of straight whisky, feet on the coffee table. He waved her over and Jyn was all too happy to cuddle into his side. She felt warmth in her belly that had nothing to do with the alcohol when he wrapped his arm around her and kissed her temple.

“We should do this more,” Jyn muttered, words muffled by his chest on which her face was pressed.

“Yeah, I missed the bars. And I hadn’t seen Shara and Kes in forever.”

“Well, yeah,” Jyn said, pulling back to look at him, “But I mean just hanging out, you and me.”

Cassian chuckled, “We live together. We hang out all the time.”

Jyn thought about elaborating further but stopped herself, which was quite a feat with how drunk she was. Instead she set her wine down and picked up her phone from the coffee table, getting off the couch.

“Can I play some music?”

“Go ahead. Not too loud though, it’s late.” So considerate.

She plugged her phone into the small speakers they had sitting on some cabinets and put her music on shuffle, skipping until something good came up.

“You had the right idea to change. Lounging in jeans isn’t fun,” Cassian said before getting up and leaving the room.

Jyn barely heard him and started swaying her hips slightly, mouthing along to the lyrics. She didn’t dance much but she had the perfect amount of alcohol in her system to give it a go. Tonight was fun, dammit, and she was going to be fun. When Cassian came back into the room, Jyn met his eye and ran her hands through her hair then stuck out her chest and skimmed her hands down her sides, closing her eyes and relaxing her face, not caring how silly she looked. She opened her eyes when she heard him snort and saw him turning his head away, trying (and failing) not to laugh.

Jyn smirked and put her hands on her hips. “What? I was trying to be sexy.”

Cassian walked over to her, big smile on his face, before taking her face in his hands and pulling her into a kiss. “You are sexy,” he said after pulling away, “I’m just not used to you like this.”

“Dance with me,” she pleaded, wrapping her arms around his middle and giving him a quick kiss on the lips.

“Of course.”

The song had changed by this point to something else fast and Jyn was more than happy to press her body against Cassian, taking in the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled at her. His hands dug into her hips before moving down to feel her backside, causing Jyn to gasp and kiss Cassian’s collarbone, which was in easy reach. His nose was in her hair and it tickled her head when he exhaled, and Jyn felt like she would melt into his arms, keeping herself up only by gripping his shirt and pressing a kiss against the stubble on his neck.

A slow song started and Cassian, ever the gentleman, pulled back and held out his hand. They switched to slow dancing with their hands clasped together, but still holding each other close, Jyn once again pressing her face into his shoulder.

“You know why I moved in with you?” Jyn asked quietly.

Cassian looked down at her, brow furrowed, “Hm?”

“I just like being with you,” Jyn said, not sure where this bout of honesty came from. “I love even just sitting with you and doing nothing,” she continued, “I’d follow you anywhere. I’d do anything you want me to.”

Cassian was silent for a moment, then the hand on the small of her back went around her waist, and he kissed the top of her head, “I really like you too. I always have,” he paused again as if thinking really hard about what he was going to say, then his finger was at Jyn’s chin and she looked up to see those deep brown eyes transfixed on her own. His gaze was so soft that Jyn couldn’t look away, even if she wanted to. “You’re the best part of my day. I’m always so excited to see you after work, even if you’re just telling me about your day over dinner.”

Jyn’s heart was beating so fast. It was amazing how in sync they were, how he managed to voice her exact feeling towards him. She put her hand on his cheek, running her thumb along his bottom lip, and he covered her hand with his own, squeezing slightly. “That’s how I feel too. You just…you mean so much to me.” After Mama, Papa, and Saw, Jyn had real trust issues, but boy, did she trust Cassian. She had him now, she had all her other friends from university and from the city. She wish she could tell sixteen-year-old Jyn how much better things would get, that soon she would have so many people who love her, who she would love in turn. As an emotionally broken teenager, she didn’t think that was possible.

Cassian kissed her, and they had stopped swaying, instead just standing there, holding each other’s faces as the kiss deepened. Jyn burned for him—she didn’t want to let go, not ever. She didn’t even want sex, she just wanted to get in bed and hold him until morning. She wondered if he wanted the same.

Of course, the mood was ruined when the next song on shuffle was some late ‘90s R&B one-hit wonder that Jyn forgot she had downloaded illegally five years ago. They broke off and started laughing, Jyn quickly scurrying to the speakers and hitting pause.

“We should go to bed,” she said, unplugging her phone.

“Yours or mine?”

“Mine, I washed my sheets yesterday.”

Cassian put his hand on the small of her back as she led the way.

On a slow Thursday, Jyn called Shara at her lunch break after an earlier text instructing to call her when she was free, a second text reassuring her that everything was fine, she just had good news. A screaming Shara answered and told her about how Kes proposed to her. Jyn was nearly in tears for her friend and told her how happy she was for them, how much she loved them both, and excitedly asking if they had wedding plans yet.

“What? No! It’s been a day.”

“Just asking! Sorry, I’m just so excited.”

“Oh, by the way, going out the other day was fun but you and I need to get together on our own. Like a girls’ night except I know you hate that phrase.”

Jyn grinned. “Yes, and we better get pissed.”

“No other way to do it.”

Once they hung up, Jyn continued her lunch, and suddenly her soggy sandwich tasted much better.

It took another week before they were both free but Kes was working late that Friday so Jyn arrived at the Dameron-Bey apartment with Thai food and a bottle of vodka, the two soon chatting between bites, seated on the couch, Jyn borrowing a pair of her friend’s leggings to relax.

“Oh, I forgot to ask, let me see your ring!”

Shara held out her hand eagerly. Jyn inspected the ring but truth be told, she didn’t know anything about diamonds. She said as much to Shara.

“Honestly, neither do I. Kes says it’s expensive enough to be nice but not too expensive for me to feel guilty.”

“How’s engaged life?”

Shara shrugged, “It’s the same so far. I have to get used to calling Kes my fiancé. I love saying it, though. Sounds much more mature than ‘boyfriend’.”

Jyn couldn’t help but smile at the way Shara’s tone changed when she talked about Kes. She had never seen her friend so happy. Jyn had known Kes as long as she had known Shara, and everyone around them could see they were perfect for each other.

“I know I keep saying this, but I’m just so happy for you two. I’ve been waiting for this for a while, actually.”

“Trust me, so have I.”

Jyn didn’t want to bug her about wedding plans but Shara admitted that she’d thought about it a bit more.

“I mean, we’ll have it at a church, definitely. I don’t know which one, though. I think my abuela would kill me if I didn’t have a Catholic wedding.”

“When’s the last time you’ve even been to mass?” Jyn asked, arching a brow.

“Shut up.”

Jyn was on her second vodka tonic when Shara brought up a subject she had completely pushed out of her mind.

“Are you still thinking about grad school?”

Jyn tried not to groan. She wasn’t mad at Shara for asking, it just reminded her of how she had no real life or career plans after that. She had genuinely loved computer science courses at university, and now she wanted a masters, not just for the boost on her CV but she also wanted to go back to school. Jyn was more comfortable as a student than as an office worker, so if she got better job offers afterwards, than that was just a bonus.

“I don’t know. I feel like it’s not the right time,” she responded after a moment.

“Plenty of people don’t go back to school until they’re older. There’s no rush. Especially grad school.”

“Well what about logistics? What if I can’t afford it? What if I have to move? I don’t want to leave Cassian to try to find a roommate.” She also just didn’t want to leave Cassian, period. Jyn swore that she’d never let a man get in the way of what she wanted in life, but she thought about it the other way around—if Cassian suddenly moved out indefinitely. He would never do that to her, and she could never do it to him.

Everyone always leaves you. You’ve finally found someone who won’t.

“Hey,” Shara started in a quiet voice, a slight smile on her face, “Cassian would completely support you. You know that. And if you can’t move you could go to a school nearby. It’s New York, there’s a ton.”

The ice in Jyn’s drink bumped her nose when she took another sip. “Maybe,” she said, simply.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to get serious. Tonight is supposed to be fun,” Shara stood up from the couch with her glass, before taking Jyn’s. “I’ll get us refills and then we can find something to watch. Kes and I just got a Hulu account, actually.”

They were halfway through an episode of Chopped when Shara suddenly spoke. “Oh, before I forget, I know how you feel about this but Kes made me promise to ask you,” she pulled out her phone, “there’s a guy he works with that he thinks you’d get along with.”

Jyn rolled her eyes. Shara had set her up on a date before, only once. The chap was nice but incredibly boring and it went nowhere.

“I know, I know, just listen,” Shara said, seeing her expression, “his name is Hunter, he’s twenty-six, he’s from Leeds,” the last part was said with emphasis.

“You know I’m not from Leeds.”

“Well, England.”

“Come on, I wouldn’t automatically set you up with someone if he was Guatemalan,” she teased.

“Well, here’s what he looks like.” Shara shoved her phone in Jyn’s face.

Blimey, he was handsome.

Sorry, Shara.

“Thanks, but I’m all right. Really.”

“Suit yourself. Have fun on Tinder,” Shara said with a shrug.

She must have noticed the discomfort on Jyn’s face because she sighed and put her phone away.

“Listen, Jyn. You don’t have to go out with Hunter or anything but I just need to get something out. Either tell Cassian how you feel or just move on. You’re just going to be miserable if you keep hanging on to that possibility and refuse to really try to make another relationship work.”

Jyn was caught off-guard by that. Shara of course knew of the crush she harbored on Cassian, if not maybe the depth of her feelings. She wasn’t miserable, though, and she didn’t want Shara to think she was.

“Remember when Cassian was dating Cate at school?” her friend asked

Of bloody course Jyn remembered. She had been a fellow computer science student and Jyn had politely introduced her to Cassian when they ran into her uptown. She never thought they would actually end up dating. Cate was incredibly beautiful and even more intelligent, at least from the perspective of another programmer, and she was so kind that Jyn couldn’t bring herself to hate her just because she had actually had the cojones to ask Cassian out rather than making eyes at him and hoping he could read her mind like Jyn was wont to do.

“You were so mopey,” Shara continued when Jyn was silent. “I don’t want you to just shut off after Cassian gets a serious girlfriend when you never even got the chance to tell him how you feel.”

Jyn caved. She blamed it on the alcohol.

“Cassian and I are together.”

 Shara’s eyebrows shot up.

“Wait, what?”

“Yep.”

“Why didn’t you just say that before?” her face broke into a grin, “Oh my god, Jyn, seriously?”

Jyn couldn’t help but smile now. “Calm down, we’re not exactly dating. Right now it’s really just shagging.”

Shara just stared. “I have so many questions.” Jyn couldn’t help but laugh. “When did this start? Who made the first move?”

“September, I think. I did.”

“Okay don’t get into details but how did it happen?”

Jyn flushed at the memory, realizing how silly it sounded when told out loud. “He accidently walked in on me when I was naked. I had just showered and I was combing my hair and sort of facing the door so he really saw everything,” she looked away from Shara and slid her fingers over the condensation of her glass, smiling shyly, “so then he was in the kitchen and I walked out wearing a towel and dropped it.”

Shara was covering her mouth. “No way.”

“He didn’t say anything. He just walked over and kissed me.”

The other woman smacked her playfully on the arm, “Jyn! Do you live in a porno or something?” A grin was her only answer. “Cassian…shit, I didn’t think you had it in you.”

Jyn’s face was still burning, but in a good way. “Yeah, it was a nice day. I don’t want to be TMI but…” she paused, trying to find the words, “it was good.”

Shara looked so amused, but her face fell quickly. “But you said you aren’t dating?”

Jyn shook her head. “Nah, we’re just roommates-slash-regular mates. We just also have sex now.”

Shara arched an unconvinced brow, “Do you two kiss when you’re not having sex?”

Jyn nearly spit back her drink. “What?”

“Do you kiss each other goodbye and stuff?”

“Yeah. So?”

“Are you still into him? Do you want to date?” she continued.

“I…” Jyn stopped. What did she want? Where was all of this going? When would they get bored of each other and decide to actually see other people? Jyn hadn’t even considered that. She didn’t want that. For now, she was happy with Cassian. “I want what he wants.”

Shara pursed her lips, “If you say so,” she murmured before turning her attention back to the TV.

Jyn couldn’t think this hard on a Friday, not full of vodka. Instead she joined her friend in silence and they chuckled as a chef was reprimanded for using too much sausage in his entrée.

Cassian actually needed to concentrate so badly that he pulled a folding chair from the tiny storage closet near the bathroom and sat at the desk in his room with a Word document open on his computer that wasn’t nearly as filled as it should be. He had been up since six and it was nearly lunchtime, not that Cassian cared. Eating would slow him down. That wouldn’t make a difference because was already working slowly—long and heavy blinks at a screen that seemed too bright, the white of the page taunting him, untouched for nearly ten minutes because Cassian couldn’t seem to get his thoughts on paper. He resigned to standing up and stretching before walking to the kitchen to make another pot of coffee.

Jyn was seated at the island munching on leftover pasta while she used her dangling foot from the tall stool to tap the cabinet in front of her. Cassian nodded at her tiredly when he passed to use the coffee machine. She spoke suddenly.

“There’s something I should tell you, and I’m sorry but I should have asked first,” Jyn started as she looked at her plate, moving a chunk of tomato around with her fork.

Cassian looked back at her, confused. “Is everything okay?” He was too tired for a serious conversation, but he wasn’t about to say that.

“I know we haven’t talked about this yet but last night I mentioned to Shara that we’ve been together. She tried to set me up on a date again and I just felt like I had to tell her,” Jyn said looking up at him.

“I told Kay, actually,” Cassian admitted, finally glad to have the opportunity to bring it up, “he interrogated me as to why I’ve been in a better mood for the past few months.” Kay had assumed it had something to do with a girl, but didn’t expect that it had been Jyn, hadn’t thought that either of them would actually initiate something.

“Oh, and she won’t tell anyone. Well, expect Kes,” Jyn considered, “but he won’t tell anyone either. I didn’t say we were dating or anything, don’t worry.”

Cassian had been spooning coffee into a filter but immediately swerved around to look at her. “No?” he asked cautiously.

Jyn paused while she chewed and swallowed. “Yeah, I don’t want to keep up appearances if that’s what she thinks. And then she might mention it to other people. Don’t want it to get too complicated.”

Cassian felt his stomach drop.

“So you said,” he clarified, voice steady, his neutral face turned on, “that we’re just friends-slash-roommates, who are having convenient sex.”

Jyn’s face matched his, like she had absolutely no emotional investment in this conversation. “More or less.”

The coffee machine sputtered while Cassian crossed his arms and leaned his back against the counter. He tapped his fingers on the opposite arm, debating whether or not to bring up another subject that needed discussing. He wasn’t sure if he even wanted her answer now, but before he could stop himself, he asked: “Do you remember the other week after going out with Kes and Shara when we came back here and were dancing together? What we said?”

Jyn at least had the decency to look uncomfortable.  

“I was drunk. We both were.”

Did she just…?

Cassian bit the part inside his mouth below the lip hard enough to hurt.

“All right. That’s all I need to know,” he answered shortly before walking out of the room, eyes forward, coffee completely forgotten. He didn’t even need it anymore, this had completely woken him.

“I’d follow you anywhere.”

Her words echoed in his mind as he slumped back into the shitty plastic chair. He hadn’t imagined that. Was she really saying that she didn’t mean it? That it was just drunken ramblings that were meaningless and even worse, regretful? Sure, his head had been foggy, body felt warm, loose, his brain-to-mouth filter not as strong, but he meant every word he said. He did really like her. The first time they really talked without mutual friends as a buffer, he saw more than just the fresh-faced undergrad with a pretty smile that he had met—he saw an inspiring young woman who had met adversity head-on and now realized that she had more brains than she had ever known. Jyn was the kind of person he couldn’t help but be drawn to, and he still couldn’t believe that she seemed equally drawn to him. His affection for her grew as they became closer and now here he was, knowing he could love her if he just let himself. Hell, he probably already did love her.

“You’re the best part of my day.”

That was a simplification. She was the best part of his life.

But apparently, they had different ideas as to this new shift in their relationship.

The worst part was that he didn’t know how Jyn felt. Sometimes she would look at him a certain way and he thought maybe she felt the same, then she pushed him away like this. Had she really not meant those strong words she’d said, or was she backtracking because she was unsure or even afraid of her own feelings? Cassian wasn’t about to ask her now.

“I’d do anything you want me to,” she had said.

He would, too.

Cassian looked back at the open Word document, somehow feeling less motivated than before.

Chapter Text

This sucked.

It was all Jyn’s fault, but it still sucked.

Cassian was avoiding her. He was working late, leaving the apartment without her to get dinner, and any other time was confined to his room, unlike before when he would normally sit in the armchair in the living room or at the kitchen counter, but if they happened to be in the same room, he would pointedly ignore her. Jyn didn’t blame him, and she was avoiding him too. They barely spoke since that disastrous conversation and when they did, it was only by necessity, and would still somehow come out snippy. Their evening walks abruptly stopped, any normal activities together, even doing nothing while sitting on the couch, ceased, and Jyn payed no mind to the ache in her chest any time she caught him looking at her before quickly averting his eyes.

Jyn wasn’t ready to apologize yet. She wanted to, immediately, but it had to be good. It had to be from the heart, the whole truth—not just a slapdash string of excuses to get Cassian to stop avoiding her. The notes app on her phone was filled with thoughts and phrases that she tried to piece together into the perfect apology, but Jyn wasn’t great with words. Still, she struggled through, typing and retyping like she was preparing to give a speech.

In a way, she was.

“Jyn.”

“I know, I know.”

“Jyn.”

She pointedly looked at her panini while Shara stared daggers at her, picking at her own salad.

“That’s an awful thing to say.” She didn’t mince words.

“I never said it wasn’t,” she huffed, picking up a piece of tomato that had fallen onto the paper wrap and placing it back into the poorly held together sandwich. “I just don’t know how to say sorry.”

Jyn was hiding out at Shara and Kes’s apartment one night, and while she and her friend talked about nothing of importance over their takeout from a nearby café, Jyn decided to ask for some advice after her fight with Cassian. She missed her best friend, but she had no one to blame but herself for driving him away. It was entirely different than years ago when they’d had a big fight and didn’t talk for weeks—they hadn’t lived together then. She explained how it was awful to see him every day but not be able to fall back into their normal interactions.

“I’m just not ready to tell him the whole truth,” Jyn mumbled before popping a crisp into her mouth, trying to stop herself from talking for a second.

“Well then don’t lie to him,” Shara said plainly, “I know being engaged doesn’t make me any sort of expert but Kes and I always say that communication is key. If something bothers you, then tell him, instead of just hoping it goes away.” She sipped her water bottle, and realizing Jyn wasn’t about to respond, finished her thought. “Remember that shitty law firm I worked at during school?”

“Was that the one where your boss wore the same sweater vest every single day?”

Shara chuckled. “Yeah, that one. Kes helped me take the first steps to quitting because he could see it was sucking the life out of me and he finally said something. I didn’t want to admit it at first because I thought that would be selfish, or something.”

“I just don’t want to be invasive,” Jyn said.

“Well, we did agree that I should have said something, but it’s a two-way street. When you love someone, sometimes it means not minding your business,” Shara said.

Jyn snorted, but there was no humor in it. “Who says I love Cassian?”

“Don’t you? What’s the ‘whole truth’ you mentioned a minute ago?” At this point, she pushed her unfinished salad to the side and rested her hands on the table in front of her, as if she was interrogating Jyn. That’s sure how it felt, at least.

“I…I don’t know. I feel like it’s too early to say,” she answered honestly.

“What do you mean too early? You’ve known him for years,” Shara said, throwing a hand up.

“Yeah, but living together…it was a big shift, you know?”

“I get it. You had to see his dick to make sure,” Shara said casually toward her salad.

Jyn felt her face get hot and she shushed her friend. “You know what I mean.”

Shara shrugged, “Anyway, if you said he was so upset about you saying there was nothing between you, it sounds like he really likes you.”

“Does he anymore, though?” Jyn wondered, slumping back in her chair.

“Jyn, are you serious? He barely smiles unless you’re around. I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you, not even any of the girls he’s dated,” Shara said it so forcefully that it nearly made Jyn’s stomach turn with anxiety.

“I swear, if you’re just trying to make me feel better…”

“I’m not,” she insisted, “I wouldn’t lie about something like this,” she turned her head toward the doorway suddenly, “Kes!” she shouted.

The man in question appeared, hands on either side of the doorframe. “Yeah?”

“Doesn’t Cassian pretty much only look happy when Jyn’s around?” she asked.

“Oh, definitely,” he said casually before entering the room and walking to the fridge. Jyn rolled her eyes but accepted the beer that Kes offered her a moment later.

Shara popped the cap off her own and grinned at Jyn in affirmation. “Please just talk to him,” she said after a long sip.

Jyn sighed and nodded. “I don’t like being cross with him.” She had enough anger inside of her to last her lifetime. Cassian deserved none of it.

Things got worse before they got better. The tension between them just exacerbated problems that normally wouldn’t be a big deal. Uncharacteristically, Jyn’s irritation spiked as she noticed the sole frying pan in the apartment sitting in the sink, coated in oil and bits of peppers.

“Cassian,” she grumbled, picking it up, and turning to where he sat at the counter, engrossed in his phone. “Did you use this earlier?”

He glanced up, “Yeah.”

“And you didn’t wash it?”

“It was soaking.”

“We have one frying pan. What if I wanted to use it?”

Cassian sighed. “I’m sorry. Do you want me to clean it now?”

“It’s fine, I’ll do it,” she said. Jyn was aware that she was being passive-aggressive but was too annoyed to care. She looked back in the sink and groaned. “The cutting board and knife is in here, too.”

“Jesus, Jyn,” Cassian started as he smacked his phone down on the counter and stood up, “I’ll do it if you just ask me. And don’t pretend like you don’t hoard all the bowls in your room.” She stepped out of the way of the sink as he turned the water on and started scrubbing the dishes. He was right, though—she had several bowls and forks on her bedside table at that moment.

Jyn looked up at her roommate, his brow scrunched in concentration, then down at his hands that were currently covered in suds. She swallowed and was very aware that this was the closest that he had physically been to her since their fight, and boy, did she miss the comfort of his body. She was so far-gone for him that even watching his hands doing something as mundane as washing dishes was making her mind wander, thinking about all the other things that his hands could, and had, done to her.

She was angry at herself for keeping her feelings from him, angry at him for keeping his from her, but god did she want him right then.

Jyn didn’t even realize she was staring until Cassian looked aside at her, and she quickly turned her head to the floor. He had finished and turned the faucet off, grabbed a dishtowel to wipe his hands before throwing it back on the counter and leaning his hip against it, arms crossed.

“Happy?” he asked. Jyn just nodded, eyes still on the floor. In her periphery, he turned, took a few steps, then stopped and turned back to her. “Why are you mad at me?”

She almost said “the frying pan” but shook her head, as if ridding those words from her brain. “Because you’re mad at me.”

“Well, you told me you only keep me around to fuck me,” he snapped. That got Jyn’s attention and she whipped her head towards him.

“That is not what I said.” It was, sort of. But she didn’t mean it. Not at all.

“That’s how it sounded, so tell me what you mean.”

Jyn pushed her back off the counter and held her hands up. “I’m not ready to talk about this yet.”

“Then when, Jyn?” The plea she heard in her friend’s voice stabbed her to her core. “I don’t like being mad at you, okay?” Jyn had to look away when she saw desperation in his face, afraid of the way her eyes began to sting and her mouth twisted, because she knew he truly meant every word he said.

Jyn forced herself to calm down before responding because she would be damned if she cried in front of Cassian. “I don’t want to give you a half-assed apology. You deserve so much better than that so just…give me some time.” He looked surprised by her words and she saw him un-tense, body language becoming less defensive.

“Fair enough. But take your anger out on those eggs you’re going to fry, not on me,” he said before dipping his head and walking out of the kitchen.

Jyn watched him leave and grabbed a tissue, dabbing at her eyes and nose before throwing it away and slumping onto the linoleum, the exchange draining her. All Jyn wanted to do was kiss him, make him smile, but she had to pour her guts out to him first, and that wouldn’t be easy. She felt a lump in her throat, but at least the threat of tears was gone. She just hoped he wouldn’t come back and think that her red face and runny nose meant that she had been crying.

Jyn slowly made herself stand up and dried the pan with the same towel Cassian had used earlier before pulling ingredients for an omelette out of the fridge. If she didn’t make eggs now, he would be even more pissed at her.

“Ow, fuck!”

Jyn grasped her foot while she hopped on one leg and leaned against the bathroom door. It was late, past midnight, when she had woken up to use the toilet and was currently in the pitch black hallway where she had accidentally kicked her foot against the door jamb and stubbed her toe. Somehow, she had never trained herself to not screech in pain at the quick injury. Jyn lifted her foot off the floor and a split-second too late realized that she had tensed up her leg in the exact wrong way and let out a whine as her calf muscle twisted.

“Jyn?”

She heard shuffling on the wooden floors before the lights came on, revealing Cassian standing at the end of the hall towards the kitchen, eyes wide with worry.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” he asked as he approached her, lifting his hands up slightly, as if to touch her, before dropping them back to his sides.

The sharp pain passed as quick as it had come, but there was still a knot in her calf. “It’s nothing. Just my leg,” Jyn huffed out. Cassian only then seemed to notice she was only dressed in underwear and a tank top (it was too hot for shorts and she didn’t exactly expect this run-in) and she recognized the way his eyes ran over her exposed legs, how his breathing got slightly heavier. Likewise, she would have to be blind not to notice that he wasn’t wearing a shirt and she swallowed thickly at the way his skin glowed under the dim light.

“I’ll look at it,” he said before getting on his knees in front of her and gently taking her raised leg in both of his hands. “Where does it hurt?” he asked, not looking up.

Jyn felt oddly comforted as she told him about her cramp and he pressed at the knot with his clever fingers. Cassian moved to a sitting position as the palpation turned into an impromptu massage and Jyn smiled in relief, feeling fueled by his touch.

“I thought you were angry with me,” she said quietly, slightly suspicious.

Cassian looked up at her finally, brown eyes betraying nothing. “I am.”

“You missed touching me,” Jyn said, drily. His hands fell away from her skin immediately and she knew it was the truth. She didn’t show her disappointment at the loss of contact.

Cassian sat there, mouth a thin line as he looked at the floor. She had missed the warmth of his body so much that she wanted to get carried away—needed it. Boldly, she knelt down and took one of his hands to place it onto her knee.

“I like your hands on me, but by all means, stay angry,” she snapped, tired of this fight, tired of herself.

She had no warning before Cassian surged onto his feet and pulled her hips roughly into his. “I can do both,” he growled, face inches from hers. She expected him to kiss her, but he instead looked down at her body and gripped the back of her thighs, hefting her up before carrying her the few feet back to her bedroom. He smacked the light on and dropped her onto the bed before pushing her onto her back and hovering over her. Jyn’s head was spinning but she was completely on board for wherever this was going.

“Fuck me like you hate me.” She wanted him to. She wanted to feel him pounding into her as deep as he could possibly go, wanted him to leave bruises on her hips and ass, teeth marks on her neck and breasts, wanted to feel his cum inside her or even on her skin. He paused, his hair touching her face as he stared at her, pupils blown with lust, and she knew he wanted to devour her.

“I don’t hate you,” he responded so quietly for a moment she thought she almost imagined it. Jyn sat with those words in her head while Cassian sat up and pulled off her shirt, running his hands down her newly bared pale skin before leaning his head down and taking a hard nipple in his mouth. Jyn gasped and pulled at his hair with one hand, her back arching off of the mattress as he tugged at her flesh between his teeth, making a loud sucking noise that made Jyn’s face go red. She dug her nails into Cassian’s shoulders and pushed him back, sitting up along with him.

“Get on your back,” she ordered and he turned over and lay down, a hand running through his hair as he watched with wide eyes as she slipped her panties off and straddled his hips. She pulled down his boxer briefs until his cock popped out, and took him in her hand to give him a few rough strokes, trying to get him to harden all the way. “I’m going to ride you until I come and I want you to grab my hips until they bruise, and then after I come, you can fuck me however you want.” Jyn scarcely recognized her voice, it was so ragged and full of want. She feared that the desperation she felt made her sound like she was begging, but if so, Cassian didn’t react.

Instead, he nodded and Jyn took that signal to finally sink onto him and rested her hands over his chest, teasing his nipples until he whined, and she savored that sound, wanted to hear him make it over and over. Jyn wanted this to be quick and dirty so she didn’t bother with lazy movements of her hips or with touching all the sensitive spots on his body, instead got right to business and bounced up and down over him until her breasts ached from the motion, alternating between nearly pulling off of him and slamming back down, and burying herself to the hilt and rotating her hips, grinding her clit against his pubic bone.

It was messy. Which was for the best because Jyn was riding Cassian so hard she was sure her skin would chafe if she weren’t so slick. It was all over the inside of her thighs and had smeared over the tops of his, and the sensation reminded her of another time where she had been encased in his arms as he fingered her, telling her in between kisses to her shoulders about how hot it was when she got that wet. It made her long for their old relationship and she shook that thought from her head and focused on Cassian’s hands tight on her, thrusting into her as best as he could from that angle.

His cock hit a spot inside of her that made her yelp and nearly lose her balance, but he caught her arms and steadied her before he kneaded at her breasts, his big hands fitting around them perfectly, and Jyn had to clench her eyes shut. This needed to be over, so even though her thighs burned, she leaned forward and grabbed at her iron headboard and held onto it for dear life as she fucked him, not caring about the worrying creaks from the bed, just focusing on her own pleasure, feeling her orgasm build up. She was honestly exhausted, both from the late hour and the exertion, didn’t want to think about how much her muscles would hurt the next day.

Normally, one of them would talk dirty, or they would simply moan each other’s names, a litany of “you feel so good” or “right there, harder” but this time no words escaped either of their lips, and Jyn even had to bite her tongue when a breathy “fuck, Cassian” threatened to slip out as heat shot through her core and enveloped her body, curling her toes and making her face scrunch up in a way that made her feel particularly self-conscious then, especially knowing that Cassian wasn’t about to kiss the freckles on her face and tell her that the expression she sometimes makes when she comes is actually quite cute.

That memory was a needle to her post-orgasmic bubble and Jyn felt herself go limp when Cassian pulled her off of him, her mind still fucked out and hazy as he lay her on her back and easily slid into her again, so wet she could hear it, making her head fall back from the sensitivity around her cunt. Cassian ran his hands up her strong legs before lifting them to wrap around him, securing her, and Jyn didn’t know how good she would be with her legs still so sore but it seemed like Cassian would be doing most of the work this time. He grasped the top of the headboard with one hand and with a gentleness that didn’t fit the mood, curled his other arm over her head, gathering her fanned out hair and swept it to the side, and as they scooted down on the bed slightly, she realized he was preventing her from hitting the wall.

Cassian’s thrusts were so rough that she kept moving up the bed and eventually feared she might bang her head on one of the bars. But Jyn trusted Cassian and he currently had a hand gnarled in her messy hair, pulling at the tangled locks as he breathed heavily into her neck, his face buried. She could tell that he wanted to kiss her, as he usually did while having sex, but this time any brush of his lips to her skin were followed by a jolt away—clearly, he could hold a grudge even when he was inside of her.

Their sweaty skin slipped together and Jyn gasped when she felt Cassian’s teeth worrying at the skin of her shoulder before biting and sucking a mark, desperate to use his mouth on her without it resembling a kiss. His thrusts got sloppier and she could tell from the sounds that he was making that he was getting close. Jyn rolled her head around and wiggled her hips, digging her heels into the back of Cassian’s slim thighs until he got the message, removed his fingers from where they were clenched on her ass and circled them around her clit, slowing his thrusts until she gripped his shoulders and came with a whine, the second orgasm always quicker.

It was blurry after that as Cassian quickened his pace again, and it wasn’t long before Jyn felt the warm pressure inside of her that indicated that he had come. When he unhooked her ankles and let her legs fall around him, he took the opportunity then to immediately roll off of her and lay on his back beside her, purposefully not touching her as they both caught their breath.

Jyn wasn’t sure what to expect after this but she felt even more detached from him than she had before, felt just as empty. This wasn’t the fun sex that they usually had—it was almost mechanical, just scratching an itch so they didn’t go crazy. She watched Cassian as he sat up and climbed out of her bed, watched as he bent down to retrieve his clothes and quickly pull them on, watched as he left her room without a glance back at her.

Jyn rolled on her side and buried her face in her sweaty pillow, willing tears not to fall, before throwing it on the floor in disgust. She stood up to put her clothes back on and paused when she felt the wetness in her underwear, bringing her thoughts back to what had just happened. She flopped onto the bed and stuck a hand in her knickers, swiping two fingers at her tender labia before pulling them out and looking at the semen that had collected there, a sight that would normally turn her on, but this time just filled her with discomfort. She briefly wondered if Cassian was also cleaning her fluids off of himself in regret. Jyn wiped her hand across her sheets.

She reached for her phone and wrote an entire paragraph in her notes then proceeded to stare at it for five whole minutes. She deleted it, then turned off the lights.

Chapter Text

Jyn braced herself, taking a gulp of air before walking down the short hallway to Cassian’s room. His door was cracked open and she knocked lightly before pushing it further, finding him at his laptop, head turned to her while pulling out an earphone.

“Are you busy?” she asked, quietly and Cassian shook his head. “We should talk,” she continued, nodding outside the door. Cassian stared at her for another moment before removing his other earphone and pushing away from the desk, rolling chair catching on the large rug that he had on his floor. He was soon in front of her, just shy of crowding her personal space, when she realized that she was blocking the doorway, and stepped back. Jyn couldn’t stop thinking about how much she missed his physical presence close to her, just the heat from his body was comforting, even if they weren’t touching.

She wanted to touch him again, badly. And not in the frenzied, almost angry way that they had been intimate last, but in the easy and tender way before that she had relished.

They ended up in the living room, Cassian sitting and Jyn pacing on the far side from the coffee table. Cassian looked bored and just watched her expectantly, like a teacher ready to give a lecture. That was fair—she had been the one to initiate the talk.

Jyn’s palms were sweating so much that her long sleeves had caught on to her hands, she squeezed the fabric against her crossed arms, as if folding herself in would make her look smaller. She wanted to disappear, but she couldn’t—wouldn’t. Not to get away from Cassian.

“I’m sorry,” she finally breathed out, voice surprisingly steady, “about what I said.”

When she didn’t say anything for a few moments, didn’t even look at him, she heard Cassian shift.

“Is that all?” he spoke in the distant voice that he used only around acquaintances, the voice that he spoke to her with for about a week when they first met. That wasn’t good.

“No,” Jyn sighed, knowing Cassian was prodding her. “Pushing you away by saying I was drunk was a shitty thing to do, and you didn’t deserve that,” she said, remembering what she had written in her phone. Her stomach was in knots but if needed, she would lay it all out. She wasn’t sure if she wanted Cassian to do the same, however, afraid of what he would say.

“It was,” he bit out. When she glanced at him, he wasn’t looking at her, but frowning slightly, apparently very interested at the button on his sleeve.

“It was,” Jyn agreed before looking away, “I meant what I said that night, after the bar, and I shouldn’t have lied to you about it later,” she paused before adding, “I lied to myself too, actually.”

“Jyn.”

She had told Cassian before that she loved the way he said her name, and this time, instead of sounding annoyed or angry like she expected he just sounded…resigned, almost. As if he already knew what she would say. She turned to see him finally looking up at her and he gestured his hand vaguely between them.

“What is this?” he asked. Us. The only problem was that there was no real answer to that question. There was what Jyn thought it was, and what she wanted it to be. That was the closest response she had for him.

“What I told Shara is what I thought we were. I thought we were just roommates who were having no-strings-attached sex,” she shrugged, “I don’t know, we both liked hookups, it was just more convenient right? Except I liked you a lot. Before then, and during. And I still do,” she finished lamely.

Cassian’s eyebrows were raised, and he picked at a loose thread at the pillow under his arm. “Are you saying you wanted more?” he asked cautiously.

Jyn uncrossed her arms, letting them smack against her sides, hyperaware of the tears prickling at her eyes.

“Cassian, you’re everything to me. You’re everything and I needed you as a friend more than I wanted sex or a relationship that I would inevitably muck up,” she sighed out, relieved that it was out in the open but she had to turn away because she couldn’t risk watching his reaction and suddenly start crying—there was already a sob deep in her chest, waiting. Looking back now, she felt like an idiot. She wanted to just be friends but fucked him anyway, and worse than that, let herself fall for him. Shara was right, she was still clinging to him even without making a real move. She was a fucking coward.

Jyn stared at the window, detached from anything happening in the room until she felt Cassian’s hand on her shoulder, lightly urging her to turn. That surprised her—she hadn’t even heard him stand up. When she did and he dropped his hand, his expression made her breath catch because he looked overwhelmed and for a split second she was angry at herself all over again for leading him on then cutting him off. He had probably gotten so worked up since that awful lunch in the kitchen and she hated herself for it, hated hated hated herself.

“I understand why you said what you did, but don’t push me away,” he said, eyes intently on her.

“I’m so sorry, I really am,” she tried not to plead. Jyn was not expecting his hand on her cheek just then.

“But everything else you just said is exactly how I felt, too.”

It took a moment, and then all function in Jyn’s brain screeched to a halt, and all she could say was a confused, “Huh?”

A shy smile grew on Cassian’s face and he had never looked more beautiful to Jyn than in that moment, breathing deeply as he leaned forward and touched their foreheads. Her throat was still tight, but she didn’t feel like she was suffocating anymore, and the weight in her stomach seemed to disappear, leaving an empty flutter. She just took in his features as he gazed at her, the adorable crinkles around his eyes, his long lashes, the way his crooked nose would brush against hers when he shifted slightly to put his other arm around her, pulling her even closer. Jyn reached up and touched his face, running her hand over the scruff below his sharp cheekbones.

“It’s like you took the words right out of my mouth,” he said, and the tone of his voice made her shiver, “you’re everything to me, too.”

He was just repeating her, but she could tell from the way he said it, from the way he held her in his arms, from the way he looked at her with those brown eyes that she loved so much, that he meant it. Jyn almost couldn’t handle the tension.

“So you do like me?” she said, teasingly, dropping her gaze lower, just in case, but there was no need because Cassian immediately lifted her chin back up with one finger and pulled her in for a kiss.

Jyn was completely unprepared because it was unlike any kiss they’d shared before. She was so used to heated kisses, a way to tell the other how turned on they were, how much they wanted each other’s bodies pressed together. She was used to heavy kisses while running her fingers all over his exposed skin, gasping into his mouth when his hands found just the right places on her body to caress. She was used to desperate and sloppy kisses with their mouths open, tasting herself on his tongue and panting into his mouth as he ran his hands through her sweaty hair and thrust inside of her. On the other side of the scale, she was also used to quick goodbye kisses when they were leaving the apartment, similar kisses of greeting when they saw each other again. The odd touch of lips when they were just enjoying each other’s company.

This kiss, though, was as if Cassian was pouring everything he felt for her into it. It felt like the first time all over again and Jyn couldn’t believe just how happy it made her, noticing herself smiling against his lips, trying to stop herself from breaking away and laughing, not at him, but just to let out a sound of pure mirth. Cassian had one hand holding her bun, thumb stroking the curve of her neck, and Jyn never wanted him to pull away, grabbing both sides of his face to pull him impossibly closer—she couldn’t get enough of him, and judging by the way his lips moved greedily against hers, he couldn’t either.

Jyn pulled away and huffed out a breath, very aware of Cassian’s smile where his mouth pressed against the side of her head.

“Yeah, I like you,” he finally answered. Jyn honestly felt like she would burn up, but he continued, never letting go of her. “I’m serious, Jyn. You make me so happy and that’s not easy to do.” She couldn’t help but press a soft kiss against his neck when he said that. She was all too familiar with his self-loathing, and though she had noticed he had been doing much better in the past year or so, she knew she couldn’t magically fix him, could only be a support system when he needed it. Jyn remembered what Shara had said about how Cassian barely smiles when she’s not around. Maybe she really hadn’t been imagining things.

They stood in silence for a few comfortable moments before Jyn murmured “What now?” against her roommate’s neck.

Cassian took his arms away from her and led her to the couch, where they both sat with a bit of space between them, though he held both her hands in his, and Jyn wished that the contact didn’t affect her as much as it did, but at this point, she didn’t care. He already knew how strongly she felt—she used to hide it when he made her blush and smile, but now she could finally let him see.

“First, can we promise to be honest with each other? Just as a ground rule.”

Jyn nodded but then shrugged playfully, adding “It’s okay if you lie sometimes. Like when I made tamales for your birthday and you told me that they were good.” Cassian laughed out loud and it was the best sound Jyn had ever heard.

“Okay, about important things, at least. I’ll start,” Cassian cleared his throat and straightened his back, “Jyn, I like having you as a friend and a roommate, and I want those things to continue. That being said, can I take you out sometime?” Bless him, even now he looked nervous asking.

Jyn couldn’t stop smiling. She also couldn’t help but think about how much easier it might have been to just nut up and ask him out herself a few months, no, years ago. “Yes, of course. I…I really want to try this.”

“Then let’s try it,” Cassian said with a squeeze to her hand. Without thinking, Jyn leaned forward and kissed him briefly, and the way that Cassian’s eyelids fluttered when she pulled away made her want to go back in for more.

“I assume this means I can kiss you whenever I want now,” she said to the slightly questioning expression on his handsome face. Jyn nearly shrieked with laughter when Cassian dug his fingers into her sides before hauling her into his lap as she struggled nobly.

“I love it when I make you giggle,” rumbled in Jyn’s ear when she was against him. Her mind was at war with itself because she was thinking it, she felt it, but she wasn’t exactly ready to say it. Soon, but not today. Maybe that was how Cassian felt too, using that phrasing.

“I love it, too,” Jyn sighed, hoping those words would do for now.

Cassian had never felt more relaxed than he did as he lay in Jyn’s bed, curled around her, looking at the beams of light that peeked through the shades and landed on the thin sheet pulled over them. Jyn was still fast asleep, and Cassian took this time to admire her at her most peaceful state, twirling a lock of her freshly washed hair around his finger. He had his forehead pressed against the back of her neck so he could take in the scent of both her hair and her skin, and god did she smell amazing. He pressed feather-light kisses against her shoulders and thought about how he never wanted to move, could be perfectly content stroking his knuckles over Jyn’s belly for hours.

Part of him was still mad at her for pushing him away at first instead of talking it out, but he understood why and had forgiven her. They had a long discussion about it, and she told him about her fear of abandonment, how both her father and later a guardian had left her to fend for herself, and it made her wary of serious relationships. He had known parts of her past, but not many of the details that they she had shared last night.

“I’ll spend all of our time together making this up to you, if I have to,” she had said, voice muffled by his chest, tears dripping onto his shirt.

“Just talk to me. Be honest,” he said for what felt like the hundredth time that night. “Next time we fight, let’s agree to at least not ignore each other for days on end.”

Cassian’s parents died when he was six, so he knew all about loss, but even so, he and Jyn were different people, reacted to things in different ways. The fact that she was so willing to make things right made him love her even more.

He had fallen in love with her somewhere between cosigning their lease and swaying to quiet music together after a night at the bar. With the emotional drain of the last few days, he felt like it was too early to tell her, but he showed her in any other way he could—with the way that he smiled at her, with hands touching her in places that made her gasp, with bringing her tea and food while she was on a coding binge and forgot to eat.

His thoughts were interrupted when Jyn stirred and Cassian impulsively kissed the curve of her neck. She turned over in his arms to face him, her eyes barely cracked open, eyeliner still stuck to her lower lids as she grimaced and pushed the hair out of her face, greeting him sleepily.

“We should do something today. One of the museums maybe? Or I can look online and see what’s happening around the neighborhood,” he suggested. They really needed to get out of the apartment.

Jyn nodded and sighed heavily. “That sounds great, let me just…give me a few more minutes.” She closed her eyes again. Cassian kissed her nose.

“Go ahead and relax a bit,” he murmured before kissing both cheeks, and he pulled the sheet off of her in one quick motion, making her curl up and shiver. When Jyn tried to tug it back, he pulled it out of her grasp and scooted down the bed before slipping his hand into her shorts.

“Oh, so that’s how I’m relaxing,” she said, her voice warm and her stomach trembled a bit with laughter. Cassian nodded against her belly and pulled her tank top up a bit so he could kiss her hipbones, enjoying the way she bucked her lower half against him, wanting his touch, which he was all too happy to offer as he pulled both her shorts and underwear off. He pushed her legs apart and settled between them, teasing her with kisses along the inside of her thighs, encouraged at the way she ran her fingers through his hair, trying to guide his mouth to where she wanted it most.

Cassian pressed a wet kiss on her mound and reached a hand up to stroke at her folds, spreading the wetness to her clit before pressing down with his thumb, grinning into her skin when she inhaled sharply. He glanced up and saw the blush on Jyn’s chest disappear into her shirt, one hand on her forehead and a wide smile on her beautiful face. He absolutely loved doing this for her—would honestly do anything to see that toothy grin. He tore his eyes off of her and leaned down to lick across her pussy, savoring the tangy taste as well as the squeeze of her thighs against his head. At this point, he was painfully hard, and he wondered if he could risk taking a hand away to touch himself, hoped Jyn would understand, or even better, be into it.

He focused on her but couldn’t stop the way his hips grinded into the mattress as she rutted against his face—he wanted to be inside her so badly and hoped it would happen soon but for now would settle for her cry of pleasure when he stuck his tongue into her opening and simply drank in everything in that area. She was so slick that he knew she would feel like heaven around his cock and that thought just spurred him on, made him rub his beard against her thigh in the way that he knew she liked and trace the alphabet over her clit with his tongue.

“Wait, wait!” Jyn said, and he pulled back immediately, confused. She was sitting up and smiled dopily before she peeled off her shirt, letting her gorgeous tits out as she wiggled her shoulders a bit, trying to be seductive. “Want you to fuck me,” she said in a low voice and Cassian could only swallow and nod.

He got in a kneeling position and took off his own shirt, feeling heat in his cheeks at the way Jyn’s eyes scanned his body appreciatively but then she gasped when he pulled off his boxer briefs and let out a huff of air, eyebrows raised. Cassian wondered what caused that reaction but when he looked down at himself, everything appeared in order.

“Sorry, it’s just…you’re really hard and I haven’t even touched you,” she admitted.

Cassian’s face got even hotter as he crawled to sit next to Jyn and kissed her hard, holding the back of her neck, making her gasp into his mouth and chase the kiss when he pulled away, so he indulged her, holding her shoulder tightly with his other hand, not wanting to move away from her warm skin.

“I like eating you out,” he answered finally when they caught their breath for a moment, and he saw her smile, their faces just inches from each other. “I love all the sounds you make, how you say my name. Of course it gets me hard,” he whispered into her ear before kissing the skin below it.

Jyn didn’t whimper, but the sound she made right then was pretty damn close.

Cassian just grinned into her neck and kissed down to her clavicle. “How do you want it?” he asked, eager eyes faced up towards Jyn, who looked away and shrugged, but he saw her lips twist up when her hand snaked to his cock and grasped around him.

“Surprise me,” she said with a kiss to his hairline. Cassian was all too willing to oblige.

He instructed her to lay on her side facing away from him and took a moment to appreciate the view—her shoulders smattered with acne, the expanse of skin as her back tapered and curved into her hips and her cute, round ass. He gave into the urge to pinch at her and kissed the small of her back to sooth the irritated sound she made. He felt her relax and kissed up her spine, letting his hand roam over her hip and thigh. When his lips met her neck again, he grinded himself into her back, but instead of letting out a gasp, Jyn sighed contently—she sounded keen and Cassian wasn’t going to make her wait much longer. With one elbow propping him up, his other hand guided her leg up to rest on his, opening her to him, and they shifted until their bodies could fit together. She felt perfect when he slid in and he dropped a kiss on her cheek, surprised when she turned her head so their lips met sloppily. He loved this position, the possessive part of him loved to surround her, to make her his, even if it wasn’t ideal for kissing.

The sensation of Jyn’s cunt so tight around Cassian defied words and his feet flexed as she squeezed around him, as if physically pulling an orgasm out of him. The muscles of her back and legs tensed under him as he continued with clumsy, uneven thrusts as he got closer to the edge, and his hand loosely surrounded her throat after an unusually loud whine escaped her.

“Are you trying to wake the neighbors up? Want them all to hear how much you love getting fucked?” he babbled into her ear. Jyn’s eyes clenched shut and she shook her head, rested her hand over his in an oddly soothing gesture.

Cassian had been rock hard before he was even inside Jyn and he was so close even though she hadn’t come, but he quickly thought of something new to try, something he was sure she would like. He rolled her onto her belly and snapped his hips into her, savoring her gasp of surprise and subsequent moans as his nails dug into her hips, keeping her still so he could find his release.

He pinned one of Jyn’s hands onto the mattress and sank his teeth into her shoulder as his body draped over hers, but he lost any sort of precise kissing that he planned when she shoved her hips back into his, grinding against him with his dick inside of her while she cursed under her breath. After that, all it took for Cassian to come was Jyn pulling their connected hands to her mouth and sucking on two fingers—he shuddered inside her at the sight, panting her name into her scapula as she tightened around him, milking him for all he was worth, and he managed to move them onto their sides before he toppled over, not wanting to put all his weight on her.

Cassian’s head was still swimming, drunk on Jyn, but he managed to pull out of her easily and kiss her neck, though breathing hard. He smiled when he heard Jyn’s laugh and felt her hand run through his hair, but then gasped when she pressed her ass back into his sensitive cock, and he gripped her hips and lay on his back, maneuvering her until she straddled his stomach. Her breasts had slight red marks on them and he wondered if she had been pulling at her nipples while he was otherwise occupied.

“Sit on my face,” Cassian said, hoping there was no note of pleading, though with how desperate he was, there might have been.

“What?” She seemed surprised. They hadn’t done this yet.

“Please, Jyn,” he asked again, “fuck my face the way you let me fuck yours.” And did she ever. Jyn’s blowjobs were practically a transformative experience.

“I won’t crush you?” she asked and Cassian had to bite his lip to keep from laughing because she looked so genuinely concerned with wide eyes and hands fidgeting on his chest. He lifted his hands from her thighs to pull her face down, and she followed him, bending into a ridiculously sweet kiss.

“I’ll hold you up,” he said when she pulled away, but for a moment he forgot what he was talking about, what was even happening because in the curtain of Jyn’s hair surrounding his peripheral, her face was all he could see—his beautiful Jyn with her stunning green eyes and her light freckles and the tiny gap she had between her lips even when her mouth was closed, and Cassian wanted to run his hands over her and hold her to him, just keep the pure joy from looking at her and being with her inside his chest for as long as he could. “Do you trust me?” he asked after gathering his thoughts again.

Jyn nodded and kissed him again. “Of course,” he felt her say against his lips before she straightened up and moved forward, planted her knees on either side of his head. He took in her form as she stared straight ahead at the wall and gripped the headboard tightly. Cassian ran his hands past her thighs and gripped her backside, noting the tension in all the muscles—she was nervous.

“Relax,” he said, reassuring her with a kiss on her inner thigh, slightly below where it connected to her labia. “You’re in charge, okay?” She met his eye and moved one of her hands to tuck her hair behind her ear before telling him that she was ready.

Instead of craning his neck (which would hurt like hell if he did it too much), he waited until Jyn lowered herself far enough and couldn’t hold in a moan at the first taste of her right at her source. He had come inside of her only moments before and he could still taste himself, which flared up his possessive side—the side that licked at his own semen that was dripping out of the woman that he loved, meaning that she was his, and that he was hers.

Jyn yelped and one of her hands flew to his hair, the other clutching the headboard until he heard it creak and he dug his fingers into her skin, keeping a tight hold as she grinded onto his mouth, angling her hips so that his tongue was on her clit.

“Cass…put your fucking tongue in me,” she gasped out. As if he could deny her.

Her hand in his hair tightened to the point of pain but he wouldn’t stop, making wet sounds against her, reaching his own hand up to pinch her clit which made her almost keel over.

“Fuck! God, I’m gonna come…”

Cassian was surprised at how quickly that took, but nevertheless smiled blissfully against her cunt before switching his mouth and fingers, pumping into her while sucking at her clit as hard as he could until she shouted his name, her hips moving of their own accord, and his hands spread over her lower back, holding her up, letting her ride it out.

Her thighs shook so much that Cassian had to help her lift her knee up so she could slump down on the bed without falling on him. Jyn lay on her side next to him and immediately cupped his face in her hands, pulling him in for a kiss, and goddamn was it sexy the way she licked into his mouth to taste herself, and when she pulled back, he saw the slick from his beard that rubbed off onto her chin and that was enough to shoot heat through his belly.

“Shower, then a museum?” Jyn asked sweetly. Cassian took one of her hands in his own and kissed her knuckles.

Later, when he heard the shower running, Cassian was on his phone googling what restaurants were open nearby when it struck him how excited he was to walk around a museum while holding hands with Jyn for a few hours. Not that he would ever admit that to her any time soon. Or maybe he would. Cassian was just sure that he’d never felt like this before about anyone, and it was as terrifying as it was exhilarating.

Chapter Text

Until Jyn had apologized to Cassian, she hadn’t let herself think of the outcome, but tentatively hoped that things between them would go back to the way they were before their fight. The second best option would have been for things to go back to the way they were before she jumped him all those months ago, when they were roommates and best friends. Of course neither of those happened—it was even better.           

Their relationship had moved forward.

Their easy interaction was back but with every smile, every touch, hell, even every thought she had about him was dripping with affection and rather than hide it, she was pleased she could love him so openly. There were a bit more touchy too, which was probably just another honeymoon phase, but was perfectly fine as the first one still made Jyn blush when she thought back to it, remembering all of the firsts she and Cassian had, how he was so eager to make her feel good and she was so desperate to have him, all of him.

She also got to see a more romantic side to Cassian like when he picked her up and twirled her around while she was in the kitchen cutting vegetables and she kissed him before scolding him about how she could have accidentally stabbed him with the enormous chef’s knife that she had been holding. Still, it was charming and so unlike him that he even looked a little embarrassed. They held hands more often in public, even in front of other people, pointedly ignoring the occasional old person who scoffed at them—which Jyn couldn’t tell if that was a PDA thing or a race thing. He even asked her on a real date! It was a high-end Japanese restaurant a few blocks away that she walked by all the time but had never really noticed. She accepted on the condition that they split the bill, otherwise she would feel horribly guilty.

They had set a date for later that week, and Jyn was very much looking forward to it, but first decided that it would be a good deadline to bring something up to him. One morning she sat next to Cassian at their kitchen counter while they both ate breakfast and browsed on their phones when she spoke, spurred by their promise to not keep things from the other.

“Cass? I have something I’ve wanted to say for a while,” she started. She realized how serious her words were and added: “It’s not a big deal, don’t worry.”

“Yeah?” Cassian asked while he put his spoon down, brow furrowed, still slightly wary.

“I’ve been thinking about grad school but I was worried about logistics,” Jyn looked down at the wooden counter, “details and things.”

“Really?” he seemed surprised. “You just got done with school. It’s up to you of course, but no rush.”

Jyn just shrugged and twisted her mouth. “I dunno, I just liked uni. I don’t have the money now and I’d have to figure out how I would work at the same time so it wouldn’t happen right now but I just wanted to bring it up.” Cassian still looked a bit confused but he nodded slightly. Jyn plowed on. “I needed to see what this was in case I had to move out. I didn’t want to just leave you alone.”

Cassian shook his head. “Jyn, don’t let me get in the way of what you want to do.” It was the answer she expected but it was still nice to hear it.

“I know, and this isn’t happening for a while. I just want you to know that I was thinking about it. No secrets, right?”

“Right,” he agreed, giving her hand a squeeze before focusing back on his bowl.

Jyn didn’t know why she was fussing with her appearance so much when it’s not like Cassian really cared how she looked. He certainly wouldn’t notice the difference between the two eyeshadows that she was currently having way too hard of a time picking. They were going somewhere nice for dinner and she actually liked to dress up sometimes. Only sometimes, though, but this was important because it was their first official date. She had maybe three non-sundresses and had had quite the challenge picking out which one to wear. That step was first obviously, because it set the tone for the rest of the outfit—well, the makeup. She didn’t have many accessories other than her mother’s necklace, which she wore with pretty much everything, and her nice shoes were limited to either black pumps or black heeled sandals.

There was a knock on the bathroom door. “Jyn,” Cassian called through, “I forgot my deodorant in there.” The single bathroom wasn’t as much of an inconvenience as it had been before they got together but they were both getting ready at the same time, so Cassian let her have the counter space for makeup and took whatever he needed to his bedroom.

“I’m still getting ready,” she shouted back.

“Are you decent?” In this case, ‘decent’ meant ‘not on the toilet’. It’s not like they were married.

“I’m not ready to be seen yet,” she insisted, scowling at her reflection, her bangs tugged back with brightly colored clips for the moment. She looked like a mess.

“I’ll be two seconds,” was his only warning before the door was open and he was suddenly next to her, scouring around the sink for the bottle. “Did you move it? It was right here earlier,” Cassian mumbled, more to himself. He was only wearing sweatpants and Jyn didn’t know what he had done with his hair but it looked tidy. He looked down at her comically mismatched tight camisole and loose underwear. “That’s a good look for you.”

“It’s by the shower,” she pushed him lightly, “now get out, I said I wasn’t ready.” He took the deodorant and pinched her ass as he passed her again. Jyn was focused on herself in the mirror and kicked blindly behind her. “The fuck was that for?” she scoffed, with no real malice in her voice.

“You’re doing makeup so I can’t kiss you on the face.”

“So you just grope me, you perv?”

“Well, what do you want?”

“I want you to get out!”

Cassian closed the door behind him and Jyn continued blending foundation on her face.

She smudged her eyeliner and had to redo it, getting so frustrated she was ready to wipe everything off, but eventually, Jyn finished makeup and pinned her hair into a nice bun before slipping into her bedroom after telling Cassian the bathroom was free.

She was already in the kitchen double-checking her purse when Cassian was ready and she noticed the way his jaw twitched when he saw her. Jyn had to admit that it felt nice to wear something different, especially if that’s the reaction she got. Jyn also had to admit that Cassian looked very handsome in his sweater and dark jeans and god did he smell good when she stood next to him.

“You look good,” she said before tugging on the front of his jacket to bring him down for a kiss when he suddenly put a hand over hers and pulled back.

“You think I kiss on a first date?” he said, amused.

Jyn was dumbfounded. “We’ve shagged in this exact spot before,” she said, gesturing to the kitchen tile below their feet, “You’re choosing now to be prudish with me?”

He shrugged but didn’t say anything, clearly pleased with himself. Arsehole.

“You look beautiful by the way,” he said, eyes roaming over her outfit, then lingering on the necklace that dipped into her dress’s neckline.

Jyn cleared her throat, feeling uncharacteristically nervous, which what the fuck, Jyn, you’ve known him for years and shagged him a million times and he’s seen you crying on your mum’s birthday and throwing up after getting too pissed and he’s still the best mate you could ask for! Getting expensive sushi in a dress won’t change anything!       

“Shall we?”

“Of course,” Cassian answered, extending his arm, which she took firmly.

Jyn had gone a bit nuts on the eel rolls and they had both drank too much sake, which led to her giggling at absolutely nothing while Cassian just smiled and tightened his arm around her as she wobbled slightly in her heels. She was an almost uncomfortable level of full and didn’t even try to suck in her stomach, constrained as it felt in the tight fabric.

“I admit, that green tea ice cream may have been overkill,” she said, swaying along the uneven pavement.

“It was so good, though,” Cassian added.

“It was expensive is it what it was!” she drawled, “We’ll be living on pasta and cereal till the next paycheck.”

“Worth it,” Cassian said, bringing their interlocked fingers up to his mouth so he could kiss her knuckles. It made Jyn’s insides go warm, well, warmer than they were, thanks to the alcohol. She let out a hiccup of laughter.

Cassian sniffed. “That was adorable.” He faced ahead towards the street and Jyn nearly gasped at how gorgeous he looked in that moment. Of course she always thought he looked good but…maybe it was the way the dim streetlights hit him. His smile was relaxed but the way his skin crinkled around his eyes told her how truly happy he was—even more than that, content. Like there was nowhere else he’d rather be but on a dark Brooklyn sidewalk while tipsy and holding her hand. There was nowhere else she would rather be, either.

“I love you.”

“Hm,” Cassian hummed, but she saw that it took half a second more for him to process what she said, and he was suddenly turning towards her, smile gone, stopped in his tracks, their connecting hands halting her too. She looked up at him, her face straight now. “Jyn. Did you just say…?”

“Yeah,” she interrupted, nodding her head, instantly sober again. She’d never had a clearer thought in her life. “I love you. So much.”

The seconds dragged on as she looked into his eyes—her favorite brown in all of the world. The next moments were a blur as she was spun around and her back touched the nearest surface (the brick wall of an antique shop that was closed for the night) when Cassian took her face in his hands and crashed their lips together. She had no time to even act surprised and simply returned the kiss, moaning into his mouth as one of his hands moved to her hair, then stopped and trailed down her neck instead. Jyn nearly laughed into the kiss as she realized that he probably remembered how much she had fussed with her hair earlier.

Such a gentleman, she thought.

Cassian pulled away for a moment and they both caught their breath, but his lips were almost touching hers when he spoke.

“Jyn…I love you too, Jyn,” he gasped out and it was all she needed to hear before she surged forward again to meet him mouth, oblivious to the way the brick scraped at her exposed arms or to anyone walking by them, just wanted him closer, closer, telling her how much he loved her. She took a moment to think about the absurdity of how she was currently snogging in the middle of the street following a love confession—when had her life become such a cheesy romcom?

“I thought you said you don’t kiss on the first date,” she gasped out in between kisses. That got a laugh out of Cassian and he stopped for a moment just to gaze at her.

“Fuck that, you just said you love me. I figure that means I’m allowed to kiss you,” he said before pressing his lips to her forehead. “Maybe we should take this home, though.”

Jyn agreed and after a brisk and sobering walk they were out of their nice clothes and sat comfortably in pajamas on the couch while cuddled into one another, kissing occasionally, talking about nothing in particular while a mindless movie played in the background.

“How long?” she asked, finally, had been dying to know since she learned that he shared her feelings for her. When Cassian shot her a confused look, she clarified. “How long have you known you loved me?”

He shrugged, but didn’t seem caught off guard. “I’ve always liked you. I think as time went on I just liked you…more,” he nudged her shoulder, “What about you?”

She scrunched up her face in exaggerated thought. “Definitely when you first ate me out. That’s when I knew.” He snorted and Jyn pecked him on the lips before settling her head back on his chest. “It’s like you said, there wasn’t really a single moment. It was kind of a crush but then we moved in together and…I don’t know. Just looking at you was overwhelming. In a good way,” she reassured.

As she said that, Cassian squeezed his arm around her and kissed the top of her head before speaking. “Honestly after we first met, I didn’t ask you out because I thought you were too good for me. You were so smart and gorgeous…I was so thankful you even wanted to be friends.”

Jyn lifted her head at that to look at him. That confession unfortunately wasn’t very surprising given his self-esteem issues but it still made her upset to hear. “You’re the best man I know. No one’s too good for you, okay?” she said, jabbing her finger to his chest. “I’m going to tell you that until you believe it.”

“This will work, right?” Cassian said suddenly. “Us?” This surprised Jyn, seeing as he wasn’t usually one to voice uncertainty.

“If we try really hard it will,” she said after a moment. It was all she could offer. And dammit, she would try her hardest. She loved him too much to do any less.

Cassian didn’t speak and pulled her head back to his chest, and Jyn thought of her younger self, isolated and without hope, and how that young girl never thought that she would have moments like the present, where she lay listening to the heartbeat of the man she loved more than anything. For once, Jyn wasn’t concerned about her future. Not as long as Cassian was with her.